#i'd have started a long time ago | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

yesokayiknow · 8 months ago

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human au. some of these guys spend too much time on here and it shows

#don't ask how long this took #doctor who #the doctor #the master #i'm not tagging them all. god #nu who doctors & masters & also 8 is there bc he's just a lil guy (and tbf no one can agree which era he belongs to anyway)#fun fact i started making these so long ago that i had to redo the ones i'd done bc tumblr had changed its layout in the intervening time #i don't know 15 well enough yet to make him one but also he's exclusively an insta girlie lbr #or war and fugitive. but i think war doesn't have social media and fugitive's starting stan wars on twitter #jacobi!master is exclusively linkedin #also 10's a horsegirl argue with the wall. he saw barbie twelve times and came away with the wrong message #is there a bg for this au? not really. in my main human au everyone is pretty wild whereas here they're more normal #they're just hangin out here ig. 9-11+14 are siblings. 12+13 are siblings. the two groups + 8 are cousins #saxon & missy are cousins and missy & spymaster are foster siblings #if anyone likes this i'll make one for the companions too. actually i probably still will bc honestly this was really fun & relaxing to mak #but if you see an error in one of these no you didn't. don't point it out to me i'll scream

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north-wilkesboro-moonshine-cave · 6 months ago

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congratulations to Mme. Pascale Leclerc, who has surely just experienced both the funniest and most unhinged weekend a mother could ever have. Dear fucking christ, I hope your middlest son brought you a bottle of champagne for yourself, ma'am.

#kazoo noises #charles leclerc #cl16 #monaco gp 2024 #zoomies posting #sports posting #like man. where to begin. one of your racecar children is back in town for the weekend. he has yet to have a truly good work #weekend it seems in town. now this year. we're feeling ourselves a bit. we're feeling optimistic even. and then ur son becomes talk of town #because he keeps doing fucking bits on twitter about adopting his coworker who is friends with your youngest son. this goes on long enough #for actual reporters to comment on it. no one is willing to blink first so by friday night we've yes-anded ourselves to a grandson #(congratulations mme leclerc)#things go well. and then at qualifying they go DAMN WELL #BETTER THAN EVER REALLY! but man. im superstitious. i dont trust shit until its over and the dust has cleared #(the adoption jokes have continued by the way) and MEANWHILE everyone is eyeing that starting grid. were humming. we're making vague hand #gestures when commenting. we're all thinking. Maybe? (the streets can hear u tho. keep it down)#race starts. lap one CHAOS. so many fucking crashes. i'd faint if i had a child even in karting honestly.#(every parent in this sport deserves a prescription for laudanum)#but he's not in it. hes at the front. and he. well. he just Stays There. Through It All. and the laps tick down. until the race is run. and #there he is. your middlest son. cross the line and into the books. first place. home town. what curse indeed. thats your boy!!!!!!!! THERE!#they play the radio of him winning and the audio is peaked because he screams out so loudly. you can hear the water in the laughter.#later theres gonna be videos and photos taken of him pushing his boss into the harbor and diving right in after the man. those photos are #gonna be fucking studied in photography classes one day. and STILL! everyone involved with that goofy joke about him adopting his coworker #(who. despite all the silliness of the race stayed second place and got a podium) is still carrying the bit like a baton relay. Do you have #him over for family dinner? might as well add a plate i guess! people are joking about your youngest son having two nephews? a dog born #maybe a month ago and a man born about... what twenty three years and about a month ago? fuck it! family dinner #sorry this bit got away from me but as someone who loves my homecity and my mom so much it might actually be like.#a visible growth inside my body if they do an autopsy on me at time of death or like. my love will eat me alive. sometimes the charratives #gets to me #anyway cheers mme leclerc i hope you party so fucking hard this week

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bunnyboy-juice · 1 month ago

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spent the first hour and change at work deleting some old files and am having a grand ol time laughing at myself for not realizing i was a lesbian sooner

#vulnerable tag rambles ahead please be kind abt them i didnt intent to ramble this much but i dont wanna delete it eitehr #me to every single man i have ever dated after 6mo-1y: yeah hey this really isnt working out i dont really know why but i really hate mysel #and i dont want to blame you because i dont think you did anything inherently wrong here; i think this is something about me but i need #space to figure out why im feeling this way [every single one reacted by telling me No i wasnt allowed to leave btw]#i hold very complex feelings about these relationships esp bc of them ending in very violent/chaotic ways most of the time #but its interesting to look back at it all and realize ive left every man for the same reason (which is that ive hated myself Every Single #Time ive dated a man) and its funny bc i recognized the self hate pretty early on w/ cishet men but when it came to queer men it was #much more confusing (esp w/ nto knowing Any lesbians at that point in my life). im so happy im a lesbian tbh #i have a lot of issues w/ the racism fatphobia and transmisogyny present in lesbian groups #and also coming out as a lesbian really truly saved my life. before i met my wife i was quite literally in a 3yr abusive relationship that #definitely would have died in if i hadnt realzied i was a lesbian and ran from him #its also weird seeing liek the hard evidence of the things that happened to me btween 2016-2020 tbh #cause that was such a bad time of my life. i truly dont know how i survived it but im so glad i did #like the three major relationships in my life b4 meeting my wife was: guy who was in college when i was in HS who stalked me when i left;#guy who was a year younger than me who cheated on me the entire time while telling me he was being victimized (he wasnt; this was very mess #guy who saw the very messy toxic ldr i was in and helped me dump my ex then decided that meant we were in a relationship [insert 3 yrs here #and admittedly all 3 years with him werent the same level of abusive but it was definitely unhealthy from the start considering I Didnt Kno #we were together until he wanted to celebrate vday and got mad i didnt know our anniversary - and like this isnt including the other stuff #that happened between those Relatonships[tm] (cause ive never been monogamous; these were just the Major Relationships)#like i genuinely think if i hadnt come out i'd be dead rn given just how dangerous my relationships were/continued getting #i am also so tired now that ive seen all this cause like. fuck i can barely believe it and i not only lived it but have PTSD about it #i should write about my life sometime. i feel like it'd be cathartic to try and make a tangible timeline and stories from the years ang stu #anyway yeah. be nice about the tag rambles. dont message me with pity or curiosity or anything about this. i dont usually talk abt this stu #publicly bc i hate the ways ppl start tryign to baby me when they realize my life has been extremely fucked up until only a few years ago #n im still working on accepting kindness from others bc of [insert life traumas here] but its a long process so pls respect my need for jus #being heard rn w/o too much pressure< 3 (but ig if u do read this can u like it cause i feel a little crazy seeing all the evidence of the #stuff i experienced now also cause fuck ik logically it was but also i cant believe it was all real still yk)

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monstersandmaw · 2 months ago

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Hi! I'm going around asking some of my favorite monster focused blogs this question, because I'd love to know everyone's takes! (So you might see this ask on other blogs) I saw in a reddit thread once that different authors have different comfort levels regarding types of comments on the adult content they make. What type of comments do you prefer for the smut you make? Details about how it reflects the characters dynamics? Particular lines we liked? How much a part about it made us blush? People thirsting a bit more explicitly over the monster in question in the comments? Or maybe just a general "that was hot!" and leave it like that?

What an interesting idea of yours! I look forward to seeing other people's responses too!

My answer: anything.

I love knowing what it is in great detail about a story that someone enjoyed, but I realise that can take time and energy to compose and type out, so if all someone has the spoons for is 'that was hot' then I'll gladly eat that up too.

From both my fanfics on AO3 and my original writing on here, I've had people quote huge blocks of different lines in a chapter back to me and break them down in nerdy detail like it's a literature essay; I've had people notice and pick apart things that I thought only I would enjoy; I've had people keyboard smash and flail and be totally, inarticulately articulate about a chapter; I've had a single emoji; I've had people just say stuff like 'big lady hot' and leave it at that.

All of it has been equally special to me, because it's your way of showing you enjoyed what I create and share, largely for free.

#i really should have started a folder or a doc a long time ago labelled 'fav comments' from all over my various platforms #but i never imagined when i started that i'd get any kind of attention or feedback #anon ask

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lilowoof · 3 months ago

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ngl gamers, I think I'm gonna inevitably lose to the hormones and depression in the near future XD

Can't bring myself to be active cause I'm using a lot of energy to not vent post all the time. But fuck it, into the tags I go!

#I want NO MESSAGES regarding this. let me just be upset and alone #you spend most of your life trying to not succumb to sick brain but honestly I don't think it's worth it in the long run #my life is for better or worse....decent. but I've lost the drive and happiness to really DO anything a long time ago. like whats the point #the only reason I havent killed myself yet is cause Im too lazy (and dont have access to a gun for a quick getaway)#and I'm saying all this DESPITE having stuff to look forward to in the near future. it's like AUGH whats the POINT IM always gonna suffer #why does mental health take such a toll on ppl. this shit sucks ass. and I still feel excited for things in the future too? somehow?#but I also really want to die so. idk man. idk. maybe if I fall in love with someone then I can be distracted but all my walls are up #what's the point in anything anymore. *I* have to take the steps to improve myself and my situation #and I'd rather die. anyways who wants to make a pact that once we reach 40 we will marry each other #that might be fun #also my brain has gotten so bad that I am literally considering joining a hiking club to get out more and I FUCKING HATE HIKING #but I should probably do something out of my comfort zone to push myself and who knows maybe I will find a new passion #but let me tell you about the anxiety - oh BOY it's starting to act up again. hahahha #ah well sometimes you just need to scream your feelings out in the tags to get a lil clarity from the brain fog #one day I will fucking die/kill myself but for now I'll just try to make the best out of. whatever the hell this stupid life is. *shrug*#(but hey if any professional hitmen are reading this. feel free to. heh. you know ;) )#also I need to get back to art #gotta do my paid work and that one pic I lined months ago. and clay stuff *continues to bed rot another week because hahahahahahaha*#ah I wish I didn't fail all those years ago. then I would be free. I wish I was free #ok goodnight I promised myself that I would do paid work when I wake up tomorrow so hopefully no more migraines -pray emoji-

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halfbit · 5 months ago

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fun guessing game you get to have with your family when you're mixed: was the shit they pulled racially motivated or not

#they brought home a job app for me for a hibachi place #i am pretty happy with doing my cleaning + art tho and i don't really want to do anything culinary or food service related #i'd rather just get more hours again cleaning :/ idk i'll think about it but i don't handle time-pressure well #cleaning is good for me because as long as i accomplish the tasks i am okay and i can do them in any order i want #anyway i have to be careful though because if i go too long without 'working enough' for their tastes they start taking furniture out of #my room lol #thankfully i finally was able to buy most of my own furniture though during my job so the only things they could take now are like #the tv bookcase and fan #i guess they could take the computer too but they gave that to me years ago so it would be kinda weird if they did #i am a grown ass man but i'm probably not gonna be free from this shit until i can finally move out #gahhh it is what it is #i'm gonna text my boss on monday and see if there's any open buildings i could take for at least another day of work #if not then i'll pick up something random i guess #but i honestly like having more time/energy to work on my art even though being home more sometimes sucks #i might try to do longer days to make up for it?#idk. lots to think about.

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dreamlogic · 7 months ago

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musing in the tags about the view two years out from my hysterectomy and the shifting nature of neuropathy. i asked my PT for recommendations/resources pertaining to pain science and that's been a very helpful lenses to have. i'm still not back to normal, will never be unmarked by this experience or return to my pre-op self, but my baseline has been gradually increasing over the last few months, and it feels good to look back on the last two years and say "i have no idea how i managed to function while living with that, but i did!"

#meatsuit renno #chronic blogging #ctxt #at first post-hysto pain was a deep burning ache #and eventually that lessened on my left side and settled in for the long haul on the right #after a couple weeks it had started to feel like a small carnivorous creature scrabbling and gnawing at the inside of my abdomen #nestled into the hollow of my pelvis and reaching up with its raking claws #about 6 months in and the creature still chewed occasionally but had shrunk to the size of a tennis ball under my right incision site #it clamped its jaws down and went to sleep and i perpetually felt like someone had pinched a fold of my insides with a large binder clip #this constant awful twisting tug every time i moved that kept me from straightening up or breathing fully #this is about a year into recovery and my original surgeon has blown off my requests for follow-up treatment three times now #i carried on as best i could. fatigue and brainfog getting worse & worse as the pain wore on unrelentingly #about a year and a half into recovery it worsened again. searing lancing pain like i'd been impaled on a piece of white hot rebar #couldn't hardly move. couldn't think straight. couldn't sleep #finally checked myself into urgent care & then the ER just to try to get someone anyone to take me seriously and help me #finally got a referral to a new surgeon who immediately pinned it as extreme neuropathy #started gabapentin end of december last year and the relief was immediately #i never thought i would welcome the gritted teeth vice grip of my little feral pain creature #but when i felt the molten spike slide out to be replaced once more by its worrying jaws #the intermittent spark and fizzle of that pinching squirming pain was a dramatic improvement #then i started PT in march and slowly so slowly the creature's hungry grip is loosening #it still clamps down occasionally. maybe once every week or two i'll have a day when i just accept #that there will be a horrible little creature chewing on my right side from the inside #but nowadays with the gabapentin doing as much as it can and an exercise routine i must stick to religiously to supplement PT #the pain is more of a little pearl of dark matter shifting around under my skin #it's incredibly dense. the heart of a black hole of disabling agony. all that white hot fury condensed into a slick heavy marble #as i recover some of my strength and energy i can feel my body coating it in nacreous layers to minimize its influence #my hysterectomy was 2 years and 4 days ago today and i feel like i can finally finally say i'm beginning to truly heal #i suspect i'll always carry this pearl in my side like shrapnel. product of damaged nerve tissue that went untreated for far too long #i wish my original surgeon had been more competent more attentive less lazy & indifferent to my pain. but i still don't have any regrets.

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autoboros · 7 months ago

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I've only recently picked up the H-3 Nozzlenose (because for the longest time I thought I'd be awful at it) but it's honestly crazy just how fun it is

I haven't had so much fun with a weapon in a while. It is so satisfying I swear

The sound for the direct shots... both their kits... the way you can continuous fire by timing inputs right... fucking around

Wish I could put my Splatoon thoughts into words. I love this weapon

#i cant decide if i like vH-3 or H-3D better #im honestly finding H-3D a little more fun because of how defensive it is #but i have a mild point sensor bias. and cooler is like. THE special currently #but H-3D is such fun to play #for a very long time from the start of the game til only like 2 months ago i fully believed I'd suck at this weapon #hell even noob me back at the beginning held such harsh opinions such as “why would ANYONE play this”#ohhh you fool. you silly motherfucker. this is the most fun youve had in a while #its funny. every weapon i thought I'd hate at the beginning is like. my main now #splatoon #Gameplay//#<- guess it goes there

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obiwan-kenobabe · 2 months ago

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I'm so fucking heartbroken over all these plans I haven't felt good enough to participate in... It's not fair. It's not fucking fair...

#i have missed so much this summer and i miss my friends immensely #next weekend we have ren faire though and im not missing that #i just hope to god i feel okay...#but im ESPECIALLY heartbroken over the fact that i couldn't make plans to go meet Roger Clark and Rob Wiethoff...#my mom told me if i could pay for most of it she would go with me but... i felt too sick to even attempt a goddamn thing #like im actually crying because i just wanted to go meet these cowboys and we had a plan #but whatever the fuck is going on with me got in my way #i was so excited for so long that I'd get to meet them and gush about rdr2 #my mom and i made this plan like two months ago now #i wanted to make it work so bad...#hopefully i can meet them another time when i can actually function #im just bummed because rdr2 has been what's keeping me sane all year...#i started playing in February and ive put in almost 900 hours. im so close to 100%ing it #i wanted to go meet Arthur and John's VAs so bad dude #anyway #dont mind me #i should've learned to stop making plans by now...#i probably would have died trying to go to a con anyway but i would have pushed myself for that.

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cosmogyros · 2 months ago

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#thinking about how nice it would be to have an actual bed #instead of just sleeping on a mattress on the floor as i have done for the past 13 years #and how nice it would be to have an oven that actually works #(i tried to roast carrots tonight. the recipe said 40 mins at 190 C.#i had to set the oven to 250 C for it to actually reach 190 C. and roast for about 2 hours. and they still didn't get cooked properly)#and all the other things that need to be fixed about my home #(i love my flat so much but the furnishings and appliances desperately need updating)#but every time i start tentatively thinking about making one of these big changes #i get so overwhelmed by the logistics (who takes away the old mattress and oven? how do i dispose of them? how do i choose good ones?)#and then i remember that i am still over 10k in debt with student loans #and that literally a week ago i was calculating whether i'd be able to borrow money from friends for rent if necessary #and survive on lentils and rice and the other stuff in my cupboard for a month if i had nothing left for groceries #and i realize how UTTERLY ridiculous it is for me to even THINK about spending large amounts of money on anything until the debt's paid off #like every single financial advisor tells you that straight up #if you've got loans of multiple thousands of dollars and the interest rate is NINE FUCKING PERCENT #you do not put money away in savings. you do not invest money. you do not splurge on ANYTHING #you scrimp and save. and so that's what i've been doing. for a couple decades now #i'm so tired #and i've been doing this so long that i suspect it's permanently changed my brain chemistry #the mere prospect of taking any financial risks makes me instantly go into shutdown mode #need to get rid of that damn debt. asap. my severance payment is the light at the end of the tunnel for me rn #just gotta hold on till then. and then we'll see #tag rant #poverty #personal #cosmo gyres

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pumpkingeorge · 2 months ago

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In about 2 months I can qualify for health insurance from work!

#i could have gotten it 5 years ago when i first started #after being there for 9 months #but i didn't #because #because i didn't think i'd live this long and thought it was a waste of time #but now i'm slowly dying from an infected wisdom tooth and it hurts a lot #i tried to pull it myself but i only broke it in half :(

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talesofwhimsy · 3 months ago

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WHY?, “Sin Imperial" // Car Sear Headrest, “I Can Play the Piano”

#Whywithaquestionmark #Car Seat Headrest #trigger warning for eating disorders I'm sorry I don't know the best way to tag them I never had to before #I was having a conversation earlier about how I have a very specific relationship with fasting #in that for me specifically I feel like it’s just slow-burn starvation #because it gave me an eating disorder #this idea that if I just stop eating then I'll lose weight and if I lose weight I'll be better #that eating was a moral failure on my part because if I just held out a little longer then I'd be beautiful #so when I'd eventually break fast because it had been days and my vision was fading #I'd make myself throw up afterwards because I had failed #that morphed into all the different little toxic relationships I have with food #I still consider myself a monster for eating #I still lie about how much or how often I eat #and after I stopped forcing myself to throw up after every meal all the consequences hit #my hair started falling out my teeth started falling out all the weight I lost came back #and there was this voice in the back of my head that said that if I had kept going none of that would have happened #and that's kind of true because either those delayed consequences wouldn't have hit #Or I would have actually succeeded in starving myself to death #anyway I relapsed after dinner tonight and purged again and the why? song came on shuffle on the drive home #and I thought it was a little ironic haha #and I ate some more when I got home and I'm really struggling with this one right now haha #because I told myself I wouldn't have anything else to eat tonight but I did and now I feel like I have to pay for it #I think people forgot I was bulimic a few years ago or I just thought I told them and didn't #because it seemed like news at the dinner table lmao #I don't talk about it a lot because it's really upsetting to people I care about #But I haven't made myself throw up in a long time so this is kind of scary I think #Or maybe I shouldn't be scared and instead I should just force of will this #back myself into a lose-lose situation where I either hate myself for eating or hate myself for starving/purging #that's the only way my brain knows how to function I guess #whoever wins we lose haha whatever

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magentagalaxies · 6 months ago

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going to a comedy open mic tomorrow mostly to watch my friends (it's at a cool venue that my improv troupe performs at once a month and a few improv troupe friends are doing standup there) but when these friends were asking if i'd be interested in coming they were like "btw there's usually a ton of open spots on show days if YOU want to do something... and they're not strict about it only being standup either, people have done character pieces and sketches etc like they embrace the weirdness... and they're not strict about time limits you could probably do anything between three and eight minutes... sometimes if there's not enough people signed up they'll even let you go twice..." and i'm like god damn it i thought i was gonna take a break from aubrey but this setup is like tailor made for an aubrey appearance lmao

#still on the fence about it bc the burnout i experienced at the beginning of may extended to aubrey #especially bc so much of my aubrey stuff is comedy about gender and my brain was more in ''set everything on fire'' mode #and i think i've gotten to a good place with that burnout but i still haven't worked on any aubrey stuff since i got home from college #but even still even tho my mental health is better than it was a few weeks ago #recently i have had this horrible insomnia where i haven't been able to fall asleep at night in over a week #(i've made up for it with naps but still i am not mentally 100% rn. i've tried so many things and nothing has worked.)#so that's my justification for *not* doing aubrey tomorrow. however.#i reeeally need to get more performance experience bc there's only so much you can develop a sketch character without performing them #and this venue is so good. it's an art gallery like an hour away that's designed to be part gallery and part performance venue #especially for comedy. like the venue owner is this veteran comedian who used to work with bobcat goldthwait and a lot of other big names #and it's a low-pressure environment bc everyone there has seen me do comedy before with my improv troupe #but they still haven't seen me do aubrey at all so it's bringing a new side of my comedy to some of my main collaborators #like this is so much better than my previous aubrey performances bc they were all either #1. shows in CLASSROOMS with a bunch of my classmates who generally don't get my comedy (very clique-ish)#or 2. a guest spot on a show at a coffee shop where everyone knew each other except me #plus the biggest thing for me is the lack of a strict time limit. like as much as having a good 3-minute monologue can be #i think aubrey is a character you need to get to know a bit longer than 3 minutes. and a lot of my stuff is long while also being very tigh #like not every monologue is like this but my best aubrey monologues are almost like aubrey is telling you a sitcom storyline #and removing too many lines makes the whole narrative jenga tower fall over #and as much as i want to figure out how to make every monologue a good starting point #having the chance to perform multiple monologues if i get to go twice so that they can build off each other would be perfect #idk i'm not sure how often the open mics are there. at least monthly tho i might be missing next month's depending on when i'm in toronto #so like this wouldn't really be my only chance. but yeah i'm on the fence about whether to bring aubrey back for a performance tomorrow #i probably wouldn't do new material. i'd do the 5 minute version of my uncle reg monologue bc it's the one that's worked best so far #and if i get to do multiple. maybe i'd do the ''nom de plum'' monologue bc i think it's also very strong #and it has a good callback to uncle reg #but idk i also think doing the song would be very fun and on-theme since it's pride month and the song is a satire of rainbow capitalism #tho i'd probably have to rework the monologue that leads into the song bc even tho i loved the concept i don't think i articulated it well #or i could write an entirely different lead-in and make the previous monologue (''C/H/M'') a separate thing to revise later #which would probably go better and somehow be less work to write. but even so i don't know what the venue's sound setup is

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unproduciblesmackdown · 6 months ago

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bonus thing i cherish in this shot is that it's the one time it's immediately noticeable that her hair length is uneven....let's go Cutting One's Own Hair (With Or Without A Mirror) look havers irl (b/c of cutting one's own hair with or without a mirror, maybe) & even when it's recreated on purpose like so

#haven't yet rewatched fury road as i've been anticipating doing for weeks now. we're on the verge of it though i can sense it #thank god ms charlize (juking diacritics) decided on Furiosa Will Have Short Hair #the No Diegetic Makeup. the constant (smudged with dirt or grease or blood perhaps) looks #only additional thing that we're demanding from anything. armpit hair please. for furiosa at least #meanwhile siiigh i guess like three days (? i will go through the number of Nights in my head. one. two.) closer to two days #isn't long enough to grow that much leg hair siiigh fine. more difficult to match up leg hair shots chronology too but if only....#reminds me how a while ago i was like half watching smthing & after a fair number of scenes was like oh hang on that's charlize furiosa....#b/c i basically know her From This. i'd seen smthing else she was in years before w/o remembering much details of Anything #(also had technically seen tom hardy in smthing more recently at the time Also w/o recognizing as much. also thanks at least in part to #not especially enjoying the movie) & i'm not great with faces; that most roles are gonna have Longer Hair / Makeup happening #and a lack of constant dirt grease blood etc even like okay this would be quite difficult #so i Didn't recognize the actor for a hot minute until the reason i Did was just this instance of [subtle quiet shift Acting Moment]#where she got this particular Silent Restrained Intensity going and i was like oh hang on. Could Be Her lmao. it was #anyways even capturing this screencap it was like Aughhh that she Walks. Stops. Walks. the Soundtrack doing what it's doing here....#and if there's Anything in this film to illustrate [max: main character] [furiosa: protagonist] boy is it this scene. wah #the end of this shot as capable like starts looking away like ah yeah emotion moment. well i'll give you this privacy #just like the fast & furious crossroads chat about cam fr lol like i'll respectfully turn so i'm not looking right at you for this Real Shi #responding to your reeling deepest devastation by moving forward still as far as you can? a quarter mile at a time of you #fury road

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sysig · 7 months ago

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Tainted batch (Patreon)

#Doodles #Just Desserts #Villainsona #Fine nevermind >:(#It's so weird to be posting vent-adjacent stuff while I'm doing so well currently haha #I started this months ago and have significantly improved my mood since then pfft ♪ I'd hope!#There wasn't anything specific at the time anyway just a thought circling around that I figured Charm would be more affected by #Considering most things for her are heightened in comparison haha <3 She'll get therapy someday #She also deals a lot in sublimation through art! And sometimes that means literally taking the materials and using them elsewhere #Honestly it's pretty cool that she can reconstitute her art :0 Drawing is a little different haha #I hadn't realized it'd been as long as it's been since I last drew Cirrus :0 #Oh yeah Cherry Shortcake actually has a first name now lol #A few residents do! If you remember my mention of Aria from a while back - Marshmallow Fluff - I think those are the current three?#Still haven't really pinned down a naming convention haha...I've been thinking about three-letter last names for what feels like forever now #She was also an early contender for Digitally Rendered Resident huh... I could at least stand to name the others that have gotten that lol #So many things I wanna do with her - really want to finish her Biased Narrator fic sometime just dunno how to end it hrmngh #Anyway lol she gets a one-panel cameo and takes over the post pft no! Charm time!#Evil Time Charm time - kicked up her pulse as soon as she remembered #She kinda sorta remembers what happened but more than that remembers the Emotions - feeling Laughed At #And clearly it's [this specific thing]'s fault that she feels foolish! Avoid [this specific thing] and never feel foolish again Guaranteed!*#*Not actually even remotely close to a guarantee lol instead she's just avoiding something that at one point made her feel good #So easy to turn a positive memory into a negative one with just a change of framing huh?#I can't think of anyone in her life who would exploit that fun little feature in her outlook not even one!

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mako-island-moon-pool · 8 months ago

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I really do deserve a fucking apology for all the times my friends and family valued strangers on the internet and their opinions more than me

How am I supposed to be just fine with being ignored for years and years or bullied for openly liking what I like, only for those same fucking people to then turn around YEARS LATER, AFTER THE DAMAGE WAS ALREADY DONE, and be like "actually this is cool, so glad I found it" while still ignoring me. Why am I not allowed to be fucking pissed about it? Why is it considered ""gatekeepy"" when I get upset someone who deliberately ignored me for years and insulted the shit I enjoy when I asked them to get into it cuz I thought they'd like it suddenly finds interest in it because it got popular online, not because I'd been begging them to give it a chance and to listen to me for years???? Why is that not allowed????? THAT'S SUCH AN ASSHOLE MOVE, WHY IS IT 'NOT OKAY' TO BE MAD? WHY DON'T THEY GROW A SPINE AND APOLOGIZE FOR DISMISSING ME FIRST? HOW ABOUT THAT?????

#I fucking hate this it keeps fucking happening #I have a fucking LIST of all the times it's happened this is not a one time thing it's fucking reoccurring #Nothing I say will ever fucking matter to anyone not even the people who are 'supposed' to care about me #Grumble grumble #Literally showed my dad a song and he was like 'well I preferred the one that came on autoplay after'#And I was like 'oh that song? Oh you mean THAT song? OH YOU MEAN THE SONG I SHOWED YOU MONTHS AGO THAT YOU DISMISSED AND CRITICIZED?'#THAT ONE? YEAH? YEAH???#Gee I wonder why you like it NOW and not when *I* showed it to you!#UGHHHHH #Begged my friend to get into OP and he would go 'no it's too long and the art style is kinda ugly'#GUESS WHO'S NOW ASKING ME TO GUIDE HIM THRU THE ANIME CUZ OP WAS TRENDING ON TWITTER OVER THE SUMMER #UGHHHHHHHHH #Begged friends to watch Trig/un for years it was always the first anime I'd recommend anyone when they asked and was always ignored #Guess what everyone did once stampede started *trending on Tumblr*?#They certainly didn't care when I asked or when I was hyping up the trailer for stampede or literally any point before then #Nobody would ever reply to me when I talked about it #But now that it's trending on Tumblr NOW they're interested. GJSGDHDJDJDK #Happened with Pe/rso/na and Ro/tm/nt too.#Begged my middle and high school friends to get into the per/sona series. Nooo never it's sooo lame #Get made fun of for being hyped for 5's release in Calc class #Man you'd never believe who I see on Twitter as the biggest fans nowadays!!#Same with ro/tm/nt begged my friends to watch it but was dismissed and the episode I showed them heavily criticized bc it wasn't 2012 #Then learn the same friend who criticized it so heavily bc he *hated it* WAS WATCHING VIDEO ESSAYS EXPLAINING WHY THE FINALE WAS SO GOOD #And there's NEVER any acknowledgement like 'hey sorry I made fun of/hated on this thing I see why you like it now'#Am I actually mental?! Would that not be the polite thing to do???#I would do that if a friend begged me to watch something and I openly dismissed them or criticized it as my reason why #And then later on I saw something online and was like 'actually...'#I would GO TO THAT FRIEND AND BE LIKE 'hey sorry I dismissed you earlier man I get why you like it now' AND THEN WE COULD TALK ABOUT IT #This isn't even about like distant acquaintences some of these people are my best friends and my roommates and my own fucking parents #People I talk to daily or near-daily. You're just not going to acknowledge what happened before??? Just expecting me to be fine with it????

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