#i'd failed that two years ago and look where that got me

[skzoologist]

Sunshine, I'll be honest with you, with how much I have and will create for Dal... He can be considered a real person soon. Oneshots, series, all kinds of AUs and art too; he's just someone who lives in my head at this point. I'll have to charge him for rent at this point.

ʜᴇʟʟᴏ(●’◡’●)ﾉ I have a request kinda, Okay hear me out I just my signed album the other day and I got chans signature 🤯 ( I'm still in disbelief... Like is this real life 🥲) anyway its got me thinking how the boys would act. With how much they like bae how would they act to receive his autograph. I feel like since their all in the same group no one would really think about it until their signing autographs for the albums, and person A says that some Stays are gonna be lucky to receive bae's autograph and then person B is like actually I have it and starts to brag about it. Then the chaos would ensues 😈 and or something completely different 😅 but after they have it how would they act??

word count: ~1.3

warnings: none

genre: crack

a/n: Hey-ho dear, good to see you again! I was worried something happened with how you disappeared. But oh my god, congratulations on your album! I'm astounded, just, wow. 🤯 Can't imagine ever holding one in my hands, you're so lucky! I would probably freak out like a certain weasel in this request, haha. Either way, I hope you'll enjoy reading it! 😊

Please let me know if I left a warning or anything out, I will add it in! Reblogs, likes and feedback are greatly appreciated!

!I don't condone anyone stealing my work and posting it anywhere without my permission, or feeding it to AI!

!This is just fiction, my interpretation of Stray Kids. By no means is this how they are and how they behave in real life!

‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

With every release of a new album came the time for the idols to sign some of them, letting a few lucky fans get their hands on one. It had always been a fun activity for the band, having some leisure time that they could calmly spend in each others’ presence and simply chat or joke around. They would usually film it as well, or at least a part of it, eager to provide even more content to their beloved fans, showing them every single side of themselves, not just the one they showed up on the brightly lit stages.

Bae liked whenever it came to signing the albums, because with how focused most of the members became, the air around them quieted, letting the male soak in their silent presence. Don’t get him wrong, he loved them in all their loud glory, but sometimes his ears and mind needed a bit of an escape, if he wanted to retain the remains of his sanity at the very least.

The cover of one of their NOEASY albums greeted him, the black paper smooth under his slender fingers. With practised ease and carefulness, he lifted the first few pages, finding the perfect place for his signature. The black marker in his right hand rose, its mission now crystal clear. The lines formed on the hot pressed paper, touching each other at the correct places and curving into that familiar symbol he always placed into his signatures. He started implementing the little crystal star into it years ago, the fans absolutely loving it along with the other members.

Speaking of which, they had all been relatively silent as they sat in their seats, as expected. Only light chatter left their lips, a few of the answers even taking up to a minute or two to arrive. Bae merely hummed when he was dragged into the conversations, not wishing to disturb this rare moment. He even sneaked in a few glances at the others while taking a quick break, warmth dancing in his eyes as he watched them, adoration filling his entire being.

Felix once caught his gaze, breaking out in a wide smile in response and lighting up the whole room with his bright presence alone. Bae swore the room actually became brighter and it wasn’t just his eyes playing tricks on him. The quiet idol watched his little sunshine finish signing the album he’d started on and close it, the marker now left alone on the table as the male walked towards him. Not knowing what the boy’s plan was, Bae silently observed, only a small head tilt indicating his slight confusion.

It didn’t surprise him when Felix stopped behind him, tiny fingers carding through long, black strands that were dusted with a tinge of strawberry blonde at their ends. The digits were careful in their fluid movements, twisting the locks in different directions, never tangling them up or ripping even one out accidentally. The notion was so soothing that Bae couldn’t help but let out a silent sigh, eyes closed in temporary bliss.

“Aw man, the fans who get your signed albums are gonna be so lucky.” - Jisung whined out, successfully breaking Bae out of his cosy headspace and stealing his attention. “Don’t even say it, I’m jealous just by the thought itself.” - Hyunjin replied, huffing in annoyance as he glimpsed at their pouting quokka. “Yah, don’t say that, STAY will think you don’t like them!” - Chan laughed out, amused eyes now watching the scene unfold after a quick glance at the still recording camera. “We DO, but still, it’s unfair they can have Bae’s signed albums and not us!” - even Changbin hopped into this circus, making everyone roll their eyes at the ridiculousness of it all.

Felix’s giggles broke everyone’s bickering and sulking voices, garnering everyone’s attention as he just calmly continued now braiding Bae’s long hair, the strands weaving into each other and creating beautiful waves of midnight and sunset.

“You can just ask him to sign yours later, chill.” - he said, the atmosphere turning silent, as if a pane of ice had been dropped onto the ground, shattering, leaving everyone speechless in its place.

It took them a solid minute to boot back up, their system having done a quick reset. Seungmin and Jeongin just snorted meanwhile, amused by the stupidity of their hyungs. Minho wasn’t far behind, opting to silently watch it with a knowing grin.

“What do you mean?” - Jisung asked, disbelief heavily dripping from each syllable. “I mean exactly what I said? What, none of you asked Bae hyung for his signature before…?” - Felix replied, confusion clearly displayed as he tilted his head, hands stilling in the otter’s hair. “You mean, we could have asked him for it? Just like that?” - it was Changbin this time, hands firmly planted on the table, already halfway to fully standing up from his poor, knocked back chair. “...Yes? What? Don’t tell me you guys haven’t been asking him to sign all his photocards and albums?” “Felix, I am so honest when I say I love you, but I’m stealing all of them.” “What, Bin hyung NO-” “I agree. I’ll help steal them and we split them evenly.” “Sungie, you too?!?”

Bae watched the two chase Felix around, all the while Hyunjin was left freaking out in his chair, acting as if his entire soul had just left his body. Chan was shaking his head tiredly, but you could see he enjoyed it as well from the light smile dancing on his lips and the slight crease in his eyes. Minho grabbed a snack and happily munched on it, loving the show maybe a bit too much. Bae swore the man thrived on chaos, something that was both impressive and fear-inducing. The two youngest reveled in the situation the most maybe, openly laughing as Felix had been caught and held down, the quokka and dwaekki not granting him any mercy.

Not wanting to suddenly become a group of 8, the tallest member stood up with a silent sigh and a fond smile, ruffling a still dramatically unmoving weasel’s hair on his way as he walked towards the roughhousing trio.

“I’ll sign your guys’ stuff too, just let Lix go.”

The speed at which Jisung and Changbin turned towards his direction was worrying, a miracle none of them got whiplash in the first place. There was a dangerous glint in their eyes, telling of a hunger and determination that had Bae take a step back, right into someone’s chest.

“You’ll sign all my stuff first, right?” - Hyunjin’s voice brushed against his ear, toned arms circling around his waist and cutting off his only escape route.

“Hey, no fair, I want him to sign my stuff first!” “NO, MINE, I’M OLDER SO I SHOULD COME FIRST!” “DUDE, who cares, I love him more, so I come first!”

The bickering and shouting merely strengthened with each passing second, the trio at the centre of it all. Somehow amongst it all Felix and Chan joined in as well, the remaining three just watching in amusement and making sure the camera recorded every single moment from the best angle.

Amidst all that was Bae, caged in Hyunjin’s arms, forced to hear everything and be passed around like a child’s toy, everyone arguing about who loved him more. His arms hurt as they were grabbed and dragged into opposite directions, his skin flushed in embarrassment, the hue only darkening with each shouted declaration of love.

Maybe signing albums wasn’t as peaceful as he had thought before.

[kingdionra]

hi I've been trying to beg on the fediverse for a while but it's not going very well so I thought I would try here as well >.<

putting the teal deer up front, long explanation & images-for-proof under the cut: two traumatised and disabled queers have successfully run away from abuse but now have no furniture or other household essentials, looking for another €4000* or so to get everything we need + get out of our overdraft

GOAL: €1865/4000

throne link

£ paypal: diontheblackdragon@gmail.com

cashapp: £KingDionRa

DM for roommate's € paypal or my UK bank deets to do a straight transfer <3

also if you want you can get an album for your moneys, i have it up for free download on both my site and on bandcamp :3

*this is higher than the original goal I set on fediverse because I'm including the ebike and winter clothes and getting out of our overdraft (which is costing us a bit in fees every month)...but also this still isn't including new computers which we both need lol but this already feels like so much to ask for!

LONG ASS STORY:

okay so over a year ago i ran away from the uk in its entirety to stay with my internet best friend of over a decade in germany, because i'd been in and out of homelessness there for most of my adult life and just kept ending up with abusers (because that's what happens when you jump at the first chance you get to get out of a homeless shelter by moving in with people you don't know), and then running away from them because they tend to get worse and worse and eventually you'd rather be homeless again than live with someone who continually messes you up and ignores your boundaries and lies to you and bullies you and fucks with your health. and yeah after long enough of that i had zero faith in the system to help me or in local queer groups to do so either, because they're the ones who kept finding me white middle class assholes to live with who turned out to be classist ableist racist shitfaces who talked the talk but failed to walk the walk

anyway, this was not an ideal situation because my best friend was living in a very tiny (25 square meters TOTAL) apartment surrounded by asshole neighbours after also only recently escaping homelessness, but we both found our mental health was VASTLY improved by living together (see it turns out we're NOT the problem!! it was the abusers all along!!!!) despite the very cramped living space (we literally couldn't both stand in the kitchen at the same time and it only had a minifridge and a stovetop) and having to share a room despite NOT being a couple and having no privacy

but eventually that situation got worse and worse due to a literal nazi living next door who engraved swastikas in our mailbox and threatened physical violence on us (pretty sure he thought we were a queer interracial couple and was very mad about that), and things came to a head when he repeatedly called the cops on us for being too noisy at night (we LAUGHED TOO LOUD at gone 10pm omg how dare we) and kept trying to get us in shit with the landlord by making up lies about us

SO, we asked the internet (fediverse) for money to move, and managed to get enough to hightail it the fuck out of there (we actually left the country because neither of us like germany it's, surprise surprise, full of nazis) to a very cheap place in very rural finland where we can each have our own room and that we can actually afford the rent on ourselves but, being poor and desperate, we only asked for literally the bare minimum to move, and left asap, and got here with no furniture, no beds, no household necessities, no nothing.

we've been here 2 months now and have managed to acquire one (1) bed that we're having to share (again we are NOT a couple and the lack of privacy is driving us both up the wall) but we still need:

-a second bed so i can actually USE my own room that i finally have again

-bedding (inc. warm things before winter sets in! and additional covers so we can actually put things in the wash)

-winter clothes before it gets too cold

-a washing machine

-desks and chairs so we can actually sit somewhere and work

-a cargo ebike so we can get to the nearest town (7km) and buy food, rather than relying entirely on non-perishables that we can order over the internet (it's been 2 months since we've had any fresh food and that sucks)

-a new phone for roommate cause theirs broke

-a laptop or desktop for roommate cause they have nothing atm

-a new desktop for me because i only have access to an old shitty kind of broken laptop at the minute (one of the hinges is fucked and i can't close or open it without worrying it will break for good and it doesn't charge right half the time and usually takes multiple attempts to boot up and i'm scared every time that this time will be the time that it just Won't), because when i tried to fundraise for a new one like a year ago i was offered this and didn't think i could say no, but i am very worried it will break any day now, and it is Not Good for recording music on or making art or games (you kind of need to run the games to make them....)

current overdraft:

our very empty living room:

my very empty bedroom:

please help us actually get sorted out and set up in our new place, so that we can actually RELAX for the first time in our lives (i'm 35 and my best friend is 38 >.<)

we both really want to actually do good work and help the world, and i have so much creative shit that i want to get on with but that has just been like, put on hold constantly, for *years*. i have so many stories and games and songs and so much art and a whole-ass comic i want to make and just haven't been able to do ANY of it for so long! (i'm keeping track of all my creative ideas in a huge google spreadsheet that links out to google docs full of properly fleshed out plans for things though, so that i can get to work asap!)

we just need a little bit more help to get started and then we will be giving back SO MUCH, i promise! all my content is and will forever be free! so you can consider this an investment in future works that you will definitely all get access to! <3

thank you so much for reading this far, and for sharing and boosting and donating if you can, you're incredible and awesome and very much appreciated <3

[mcflymemes]

ASK PROMPTS ABOUT THE PAST & REGRET *  requested by tatsunotsurugi

yesterday is gone.

you have to let go.

i never look back. it distracts from the now.

i just don't see why the past has to matter.

it's pointless to dwell on it, you know.

i don't know who you used to be.

memories are dangerous things.

the past is never where you think you left it.

i wish i could go back.

we all do things we desperately wish we could undo.

my past does not define me.

we can never go back again.

we were so intimate once upon a time i can't believe it now.

if we had met years ago, would you still have liked me?

scars have the strange power to remind us that our past is real.

the past beats inside me like a second heart.

looking back you do not find what you left behind.

no one saves us but ourselves.

no trouble ever got fixed late at night. midnight is for regrets.

i wish i knew you back then.

what's past is prologue.

i want everything back the way it was.

put your energy into today.

my scars remind me that i did, indeed, survive my deepest wounds.

that was... the dumbest thing i've ever done.

no one is rich enough to buy back his past.

are you still thinking about what happened?

there has to be something we can do to change it.

it's being here now that's important.

there's so much i wish i could change about what happened.

i'm a product of my past, but i don't have to be a prisoner of it.

my past is everything i failed to be.

i regret knowing you.

what's done is done.

it might have been.

you are the only person i'd like to say goodbye to when i die.

it made you stronger. i hope you know that.

i am worthy of a future.

me and you, we got more yesterday than anybody.

memory is a mirror that scandalously lies.

take it from me. if you hear the past speaking to you, feel it tugging up your back and running its fingers up your spine... the best thing to do, the only thing... is run.

if only. those must be the two saddest words in the world.

the past can't hurt you anymore, not unless you let it.

my yesterdays walk with me.

i loved you so much once.

i like who you are now.

i wish you'd just let go.

there's no future for me.

what do you regret most?

do you ever miss it?

there are so many things that i want so badly to tell you, but i just can't.

the past no longer holds you captive.

maybe in another life.

i hope you never have to think about anything as much as i think about you.

i never should have done that.

i'm trying to forget you. it's not easy.

you're just another story i can't tell anymore.

how many regrets do you have?

those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.

you can learn from it... but you can't change it.

[genericpuff]

alright so this is a post I've been wanting to write up for a little while now, but I was waiting on permission from a third party to post DM's (censored, of course). That permission has since returned with a yes, soooo

LET'S TALK ABOUT RACHEL'S HIRING PROCESSES-

okay this isn't gonna be as comprehensive as I'm making it sound BUT I've mentioned before on this page (albeit briefly and it's long since been buried) that I actually applied to be a background artist for Rachel a couple years ago, I think it was around the midpoint of S2, and it was (obviously) before I turned to the dark side of crit-n-shit-posting. I never got an email back, so that was that. I'd like to think there's a parallel universe out there where instead of joining the antiLO/ULO community, I became an assistant for Rachel and remained a fan. Enjoy that fridge horror thought.

That said, while I didn't get a response, someone on reddit mentioned that they did:

And they were kind enough to share further details with me in DM's.

Right off the bat, I'm fairly certain they were applying to the same ad I was (as it was a posting that Rachel had made on Twiter and the approximate years line up).

All that aside, considering what Rachel's process is like with her assistants (from what we've discussed here in GREAT detail), it's not shocking in the slightest that the vibe of working with Rachel from the very beginning was "IDK what I'm looking for".

Buuut that's not the end of the exchange because it gets better.

Mind you, this was back in 2019 and it was the experience of one user, so it doesn't necessarily reflect every assistant on the team or how Rachel does things down to the last detail. But it's pretty damning enough that you can still see the evidence of this kind of workflow in current LO 4 years later. If anything she's continued to operate with a rapidly declining pipeline because the art just keeps getting worse and worse.

Part me of wants to say that this could be on Webtoons, as they don't offer support to creators to have assistants. Creators have to pay for their assistants completely out of pocket, split from the income they make from Webtoons. This is why so many creators often don't have assistants or their 'assistants' are also their co-creators (see: Nevermore, which is drawn and written by two people working together).

But Rachel has an average of four assistants per episode, sometimes as many as eight in some cases (though it's been a while since that's happened so I won't really count it for this post).

That means Rachel's team is typically made up of five people, including herself, and that's not including the recent addition of copy editors (but that balances out with the times when Amy Kim isn't contributing , she tends to pop in and out).

Now, she's not the only person on WT with a team of this size, there are others with comparable teams if not bigger ones, but NONE of them seem to operate with as much inconsistency as LO does, and that's not on the assistants, that's on Rachel. She's said in interviews that she always wanted to be a director and that making LO on Webtoons was her way of achieving that, but she doesn't seem to have the integrity or leadership skills necessary to take charge when the team isn't working in sync. You don't see any of these insane art art inconsistencies in webtoons like The Kiss Bet or Tower of God (though they have their own problems, the art isn't one of them), and there are webtoons operating without a team at all that are drawing circles around LO right now, like Nevermore (which is, by the way, also edited by Bre Boswell, same as LO).

Now, that's not to say there isn't struggling underneath the surface, the creators of Nevermore have stated how difficult it is to work for Webtoons as it is, especially as creators who don't have assistants. But how is the #1 comic on the platform failing to meet the standards that come with its labels and awards? Why are the exceptionally better comics being drawn by 1-2 people not getting the attention or opportunities they deserve from the platform? And why does Rachel Smythe, one of the highest paid creators on the platform, still seem to struggle with managing a team of artists after five years of publication on Webtoons? Why does she choose to have a large team if she can't pay them adequately? Why have a large team at all if she's not going to utilize their skills properly? To further lighten the load of work onto others?

Really, it just goes to show the lack of care and respect all around - for the self, for the work, and for those who are pushing out the work and meeting the deadlines, whose reputations and potential are being dragged down with the comic itself.

[arendaes]

It's 5:30am, I can't sleep because I had a bad night last night and I need to vent.

Sometimes I wonder if not being more open about my offline life is to my detriment, because it never fails that I seem to attract people who see me as someone who's easy to walk all over. So many people I've known both online and off really like to treat me however they like, including being rude, condescending, and sometimes just downright cruelly, but the moment I have enough and draw a line in the sand they just want to wipe it away and tell me all about how I'm the one in the wrong.

I once had a friend who ignored my existence for six months and then got mad when I told her I wasn't coming to her son's birthday party. When I say "ignored my existence", I don't just mean unanswered texts; I mean I worked at a store in town and saw her in there multiple times. Every time I would wave and say hi while she was looking right at me and she would walk right by me as if I wasn't there. She knew I worked there too because we met working there. Literally we went from hanging out every day off we had together to that and still she got mad when I was hurt and just didn't want to come to a child's goddamned birthday party (when I have no kid of my own) because of it. The kid was only a year old so it wasn't like he knew who I was, either.

And online has been worse in a lot of ways. I made a friend a few years ago back when I first started getting involved in fandom. At the time I was resistant to the idea but now I realize I befriended him out of pity, because no one seemed to really want to be involved with him and he'd always been so nice to me. That was a mistake, because it turned out he was an alt-right chud who waited until he thought we were close enough and then started deliberately baiting me into arguments where he'd say horrible shit to me and make me upset and then fucking laugh He admitted it was fun for him to upset me. He stopped laughing when I finally stood up for myself and cut him out of my life, only to repeatedly ignore my requests for him to leave me alone. He would send me messages and like my posts, along with asking his friends to do the same and even writing a fic about one of my favorite characters where an unnamed OC treated said character poorly (all while said OC said things that were word for word things I said to him in out last conversation) and posting it where he knew I'd see it. Thankfully his conscience got the better of him with that last one and he took it down just a few days after posting, but the damage was done. He's the reason my ask box is closed most of the time and I have it set to where only followers can message me or comment on my posts. I think he's moved on - I hope he's moved on - but I live with this ever-present fear he hasn't and if I let my guard drop he'll start again.

And this is just two of the biggest incidents in a long line of family members saying I can't have boundaries with them because they're faaaamily and honest conversations with friends about how they've hurt me only to have them turn around and blame that hurt on myself. I'm just...so confused about what I can even do anymore. It feels like no matter what I do I just attract people who want to use and abuse my good nature. Hell, it's been so bad that I typed that and immediately thought "are you good-natured or do you just have an unnecessarily high opinion of yourself?" Which I know is the brain demon talking, but sometimes it's hard to drown it out, especially when this is all I've ever known.

[zerobaseonefics]

i'll take you on a date ㅡ lee jeonghyeon

lee jeonghyeon x gn!reader

genre : fluff

warnings : lee jeonghyeon (yes), mention of jeonghyeon's ass ( @yunacoeur ) 🤷🏽‍♀️

note : for the anon for requested first kiss with lee jeonghyeon....... like 2 weeks ago 💀 hope you're still here dear

lee jeonghyeon looked like a kdrama main lead. sat alone, in a corner of the college's library where students were rare, the boy was peacefully studying. the sunlight hit just right on his pretty face as his hands wrote something on his notebook. a calm and relaxing view, that you soon enough crashed by sitting next to him with a smile that meant no good.

"remember when you thought i'd fail the test so you said you'd kiss me if i ever succeed."

jeonghyeon froze. you weren't suppose to remember that, it was literally weeks ago.

"i don't remember", he simply muttered, going back to his homework without even glancing to you. he haven't see your face but he knew you had a cheeky smile plastered to your face.

anyone could tell lee jeonghyeon had a crush on you. it was just obvious. but you were not any better so at least you two were in the same place. when i say 'anyone' could tell, it means you both felt that you liked each other. things between you two never really evolved for two reasons : he was a pussy and you just thought he was like this with everyone naturally. so there was this part of doubt, this little voice in your head telling you that you might be mistaken and that your feelings were not mutuals.

jeonghyeon is a grown ass man. people naturally fell for his charms, without him even trying, even though many people believed he was flirting with them. they were absolutly wrong, he was just a very charming person. these people didn't know that despite jeonghyeon being grown, he had the flirting ability of a middle schooler. he likes you? fine, he's gonna hurl barbs at you and hope you figure he's joking and sleeps thinking about you because he's in love. yes, at his prehistoric age. hopefully, you understood his intentions, and you returned his actions. that's how your relationship with jeonghyeon was : playful with a pint of rivalry.

"there's no way you'll have a good mark on the test if you can't get a single answer right during the practice'' jeonghyeon snickered, sitting next to you as you compared your answer to the correction sheet of the maths exercices. you knew he was right, you couldn't understand a thing from this chapter. still, you furrowed your eyebrows.

"what makes you th- forget it, i don't talk. i'll just show you during the test."

"yeah, don't talk, you'll end up lying..."

"wanna bet?"

the look you gave him that day was full of assurance. jeonghyeon shrugged.

"i'd even get my ass cut in two if you get an A." he simply stated.

"isn't it already the case... like any normal butt..."

"that's not our subject."

"well. i don't care about your ass being cut in two if i get an A so..."

a silence appeared as you both looked for something you'd like to get if they other failed the bet. absent-mindedly, your eyes wandered on jeonghyeon's lips for a bit too long, making his cheeks warming up. he cough awkwardly, trying to regain his composure. you saw that as an opportunity to hit on him. the thing is, jeonghyeon flirts like a 13 years old, and you're.... just blunt. very blunt.

"i really want to kiss you right now."

"ew."

that's what i said : very blunt and a 13 years old. his answer lighted up a little bulb in your head, as your lips formed a smirk.

"you know what? if i get an A, i get to kiss you." you stated like it was nothing to you when his heart was beating like crazy.

"a kiss? sounds right. there's no way you're getting an A anyways so..."

boom. the paper you just smacked softly put down on his table was your test sheet, adorned by a huge red mark. an A. jeonghyeon's eyes went round.

"you got..." he started, "an A" you finished.

"there's no way", he said in a quiet voice due to the place you two were at.

"the evidence is right in front of you."

hesitantly, jeonghyeon took the paper in his hands. he analyzed it, his eyes always goinf back to look at the A written in big, like it was gonna disappear if he looked at it again.

"are you scared of kissing me?" you interrupted.

"shut up."

jokingly, you exagerrated a pout, your face getting closer to his to hint that you were waiting for you kiss. with two fingers, jeonghyeon slapped your lips away from him. "ouch" you said, overreacting.

"we're in a library", he said, and you didn't know if it said that because you got to loud, or because he wouldn't kiss you there. maybe he just wouldn't kiss you at all. maybe you were one of these delusional people that thought once that he was flirting with them.

soon enough, your simple joke got to you, and you fell in your own trap. now, you were the one overthinking and asking yourself if you were mistaken about jeonghyeon's feelings for you. your elbow on the table, your head went to rest on your hand, looking at the window. jeonghyeon's eyes went to look at you. now, it was your face that was hit perfectly by the sun. did you got more good looking? he could swear you were not that beautiful yesterday. but that's just what he think of you every two days of the week.

he sighed. should he take this chance? maybe you weren't just joking around... you seemed pretty upset that he wouldn't keep his word.

jeonghyeon looked around. no one was there. maybe it was destiny. maybe the stars have aligned for him to sit in a corner where no one was around. he would have been too shy to even think of kissing you in a crowded place. but there was no one... and the way your cheek looked soft on your hand made him want to touch your face himself. he could imagine himself cupping your face while kissing here, in front of the window, in that empty spot of the university's library.

so he did. when he think back to that moment, jeonghyeon acted unconsciously. he gently took away the hand that was holding your chin to replace it with his own, as he made your face turn towards him. you didn't have time to proceed his touch on your cheek because soon enough, his lips brushed against yours. he waited for a sign of rejection from you to know if he should finally kiss you. there was none. you felt like you waited for years for his lips to finally capture yours, and it was taken away from you way too fast.

"oh my god! you're not doing this in there, kids! get out if you're not studying!" the voice of the librarian made you both jump away from each other. you cough to hide your awkwardness, quickly apologizing. you quickly grabbed the A you were proudly flexing minutes ago, took your bag and ran away.

"w-wait! y/n?"

you stopped in your tracks, turning to look back at jeonghyeon.

"can you do 5? i'll take you on a date."

[trinketiers]

hey as it turns out i totally forgot to mention it here but i graduated art school last december (exactly one year ago on the 16th) !!!

it was a wild six years so here's an unorganized mess of some of my thoughts looking back at it:

The tldr of it: - enjoyed art school 👍 came out of it with wrist & thumb issues and debt 👎✌️ - i learned a lot of things that i wouldn't have sought out on my own, and so much of that information is still useful in varied ways now - also i'd say the most important thing i learned wasn't necessarily drawing/painting but moreso learning 'how to learn' (it was all an uphill battle though lol) - wish i put myself out there more with all the opportunities literally available in front of me but i was too scared and anxious. Regret. - would i recommend it? In general, no. Not unless 1) money isn't an issue. 2) you're serious and dedicated about working hard, otherwise its kind of a waste of time and money to just coast. And 3) if a competitive environment is something that works for u

----

I think there were a lot of eye opening experiences for me. like, something about being able to actively see how you and your classmates all learn and struggle and create, and that the hard work WILL pay off, even if its not instant, or within that same year, bc knowledge adds up over time… i think really helped my confidence(?) in trying and learning new things and failing a few times. Because i used to get so disheartened when i couldn't understand how to draw something, but now i feel like i have a better ability to problem solve why that may be. Or honestly, to just come back to it later instead of completely abandoning it!!

genuinely enjoy having my work critiqued now. I hated it at first bc it made me feel bad and i didn't know how to go about resolving my problems, but over time i realized that like. Literally all the critique i got were on things my own eye couldn't see until they were pointed out to me. And i feel like that was the point where i finally felt as if i was understanding what it meant to actually learn something. Or, i guess, i was learning how to learn lol. But i think that getting over the initial feelings that come with critique is, yeah it's hard, but it's really integral to improvement as well as to how you perceive your own work. failure doesn't equal not being able to do something, it just means if you can't do it now, come back and tackle it again from a fresh angle later ^_^ !!

buuut unfortunately that lightbulb moment happened… i think during the last two-ish years i was in school. Two years of classes from the six years i was there is…. its rough HDHFKGH i really ended schooling wishing i could retake some classes bc if i sat through them now, i feel like i would be able to learn deeper about the concept of something vs getting stuck at the first hurdle and struggling to catch up as the class kept moving forward. alas...

the constant struggle to keep up did end up in more all-nighters than i would have liked. i already had some wrist problems prior to art school so i already knew to give my hand regular breaks, but with all the work and deadlines it kind of became less and less important because i just wanted to get the work done. Uhhh well seeing as its been one whole year... yeah my wrist is still a little messed up LOL but i AM much more conscious about how i use it, both w/ art and just (unfortunately) every day life like lifting heavy things. but i am also (unfortunately) currently wary of applying to any jobs that may have a heavy workload, so it's definitely limiting + makes it a bit harder to break into the industry.

hmm. i actually really regret not participating in campus events/opportunities more. Things like studying abroad, joining a club, doing more workshops, or even joining gamejams, which always caught my eye when i saw the flyers looking for artists… but i was too intimidated. by.... my lack of knowledge 😔 (which is dumb btw bc the literal purpose of being in school is to LEARN).

I've never been super social either and i did lose contact w a lot of classmates when things went virtual for a year+ but the experience of being surrounded by people who are so passionate about the same things you are is unparalleled. Truly. And the friends i did keep are people i would love to keep in my life for a long time :')

also i really regret not branching and exploring outside of my major more while it was still relatively easy. When i started in 2018 i think there was a lot more freedom in being able to take classes in other fields so long as there were vacant spots in a class, and all you needed were a few signed approvals from the departments. But when i ended in 2023… like. Financial aid was no longer covering non-mandatory classes??? The last class i took was paid out of pocket bc i had already completed all my requirements smh. no clue if its still like that now though. but subjects like typography or shop class were very cool and i'm glad i took them when i had the chance.

-

Aaaaanyway. These are just my rambling unorganized thoughts about my personal experience at ArtCenter in California. If any prospective artists happens to be keyword searching and researching before applying (like i did LOL) then hi. Grain of salt and all—i had a decent experience overall (largely thanks to the people i was around and the teachers I was able to have) but its absolutely 100% not like that for everyone

And just for fun if anyone read down to this point, lets all point and laugh at past nikki for not being able to do one 4 hour art class while i regularly stacked two 5 hour classes into one day at art school:

[still-a-morosexual-help]

I had a dream yesterday. And I've always had weird dreams. Creepy or bizzare or both. Though they've always told a narrative. They've always been long drawn out stories with dialogue and characters and a goal and a beginning and usually an end.

Yesterday I dreamt of walking down my street. It was dark and I was with an old friend. I knew in the dream they were an old friend, one I hadn't met since I was a teenager, maybe longer. But now, awake, I can't recall their face.

We were going somewhere to find something. In the dream I knew where we were going and what we hoped to recover. Now the details are murky.

I was apprehensive in the dream. I couldn't shake the feeling that I had tried this before, with more people, with more old friends, and that I had failed. And like a game resetting I had started at the beginning again. Except none of the others were given a second chance and I was here now with a new companion, walking back towards the same fate. My friend remained oblivious and happy. We were talking about the neighbourhoods and houses we were passing. I think I dismissed the flashing images of my 'first try' as deja vu or anxiety.

It was night when we started off from my street. No time passed, but it was bright and early a step away, on the next street. There was something safe about my small dark street with its one light, and I felt we had left that safety behind.

This new neighbourhood was idyllic. Sunny and green with little houses. But there were no people. I don't think there was any noise at all, aside from the two of us.

We passed a pair of cottages that were painted to look like little green frogs. They had one connected garden with a little fence and archways and garden seats painted to look like toadstools. I told my friend I'd like to live there. That when we got what we came for we should go see the cottages, invite others and have a lunch on the toadstools.

At the end of the street was a white wall and a large gate, behind it stood an old fashioned bungalow with a sprawling garden dotted by bushes. The bunglow's veranda wrapped all the way around it, all the doors leading to the inside of the house were open wide, and we could see a courtyard in the middle. There was antique furniture throughout the house, making it difficult to navigate through. But they made good hiding spots. We knew we needed to hide. That we weren't supposed to be there. That whatever we were taking, we'd be stealing. I think we got caught last time, my other old friends and I.

There was an older lady. A servant. I could see her from my hiding spot. She was talking to someone. I don't think I could make out what they were saying, can you hear noise in dreams? But I knew she was talking about us. Telling someone that we had come here.

I only ever saw who she was talking to through their reflection in the glass doors. Whoever it was she looked like my next-door neighbour who had passed away almost a year ago. The one who used to make little bouquets of this plant the cats liked, tied together with a red ribbon, and toss it into our garden for them to find. We never spoke much, but I miss her.

She looked exactly like her. Except her hands didn't make sense. They just kept going and going till they almost reached the ground. I didn't understand why at first. I had to keep staring at that reflection. I thought maybe something was wrong with it. That maybe it was distorted? It was her nails. It was her nails that were wrong. They were long and sharp and dirty and I knew I had felt them once, against my skin, against my flesh, tearing into me. Maybe it's just because it was a dream, but it's an odd feeling to know you had died once and you were going to die again, that even the extra steps you took to prevent it hadn't really changed anything. There was a strange disconnect to it.

We crept around the bungalow. It was really just one long circular corridor packed with furniture, with a courtyard in the middle. I think she knew we were there. I think she was hunting us. But whatever we came for it was more important than whatever fate had met my previous companions (Becoming a corpse? Becoming a meal?)

The more we stayed there, the more I just knew things. Like how that wasn't really my old neighbour. How whatever it was just looked like her. To appear safe and friendly and comforting, maybe, to me specifically. I knew why the whole neighbourhood was empty, of course. I knew what had happened to all the people. I knew why the houses were so well kept though, so welcoming, designed to draw people in.

We got what we came for. It was further than we had gotten last time. Or at least that's the impression I had. Then we ran. It, whatever it was, chased after us. We made it out of the gates and as we ran past the picturesque little houses, as we ran past the frog cottage I knew that one had been made just for me.

[sickofthistoxicshit]

Based on the last speculations (bi-Buck and probably him having something with a man), how optimistic are you for Buddie going canon? Do you think we’ll get some Eddie reaction/jealousy? I want to be optimistic but I’m scared they’ll do the same shit from last season…

Look, I said it before, Bi-Buck will probably be only with Eddie,

Buck is not who he was, Buck 1.0 AND 2.0 would have experimented his way through the greater male population of LA .

But this one? He will want the man who makes him feel like everything, who sees him, we know that's what his looking for, he said it in 6x15.

No one has ever seen him better than Eddie - Buck, imo, assuming he actually was just straight up until now, is probably more Eddie-sexual than anything else.

Now if you have asked me about Eddie, I could definitely see him, going through several failed male encounters, where the sex is great but it's not quite it, with Buck jealous as hell in the background not really understanding why - until he does.

You see, if the whole saying yes year (which was the dumbest idea ever and got executed so badly we hardly knew it existed) was this year where he says yes, and not to reproducing for others, I'd say maybe, but now, I don't think so.

My money is more on Eddie figuring it out first and him dating other men will kick Buck into motion.

Especially with Ryan taking a bigger role this season, this is right in his wheelhouse, and out of the two of them Ryan actually portrayed a gay character before.

I gotta say though, that while ABC have already done the Bi (both male and female) character arcs - it is still dependent on 911 creators to make that decision and I stopped trusting the showrunners a long time ago.

There's a part of me that is sure that the only reason buddie was not made canon yet is because KR was stuck along with FOX in the heteronormative narrative they kept shoving down our throats.

I want to believe that the move to ABC will allow buddie to become canon, but I am not getting my hopes up, and by the things I'm seeing so far, I don't feel very optimistic about it.

I do believe we'll get gay Eddie though, because that suit was screaming out and proud, the last groom I saw in this kind of suit, was divorced and out of the closet 6 months later, just saying. (by the way me and my gay best friend won that wager, but the original wedding was fun lol).

So, you know, glass half full and all that.

We'll keep our fingers crossed and hope for a fun ride.

[looselipssinkships-x]

fall out boy lyrics that make me think of the places i grew up

this town is wasted and alone -- death valley -- when i visit, if I'm lucky i get to drive around, and the nothingness is crushing. You go to school, you graduate, if you're upper or middle class you go to college, probably the local one an hour away. You have to drive an hour to get to the good grocery store, twenty minutes to the shitty one. You marry your high school sweetheart, or someone you met in college, you settle down and have kids. You have at least one family member who works for a company you're pretty sure is still just a factory, even though they have fancier names for it now. I look out the window of my parents' house and i can barely see the neighbors' house.

you were the last good thing about this part of town -- grand theft autumn/where is your boy -- i left my best friend in the city i moved from and god i miss her so fucking much. Every time i visit it's like we were never apart. Every time i leave we both wonder if we'd have made it had i not moved away.

i can't remember the good old days -- 27 -- your parents' house is supposed to feel like being a kid, running around carefree. I have not lived with my parents for eight years but every time i visit i wake up with that same chest crushing anxiety and it does not go away. Even when i get back out east it takes me days to feel like a person again.

every pane of glass that your pebbles tap/negates the pains I went through to avoid you/and every little pat on the shoulder for attention/fails to mention I still hate you -- chicago is so two years ago -- i did not visit for almost two years, and then only did so because my grandmother was dying. Had she not been, it would have likely been so much longer. I spent those two years hating that small town, because i thought if i hated it i wouldn't miss it, and it all hurt so much that it wasn't hard to try to hate it. (that didn't work, because even though it hurt, it was still home)

I know I should be home/all the colors of the street signs, they remind me of the/pickup truck out in front of your neighbor's house -- chicago is so two years ago -- it's the little things that get me, the parts that weren't so bad, the parts that were even good, the parts that killed me to leave behind. The first dance class i took out east i sobbed the entire two mile walk home.

whoa, can't do it by myself -- reinventing the wheel to run myself over -- this one gets me because every time everything just feels like too much, it's amplified by the fact that i did this to myself, i chose to move away from everyone and everything i ever knew, and it's therefore my responsibility to indeed, do it by myself

we're the kids who feel like dead ends//and the poets are just kids who didn't make it -- i've got a dark alley and a bad idea that says you should shut your mouth (summer song) -- literally all of my friends from home don't quite fit the midwestern mold, and we're all mentally ill creative types. We're in our mid twenties now and have felt like burn outs for years

I swear I'd burn this city down to show you the light -- sophomore slump or comeback of the year -- the same best friend from earlier. I worry the small town is crushing her and she's so, so bright.

the best way to make it through with hearts and wrists intact is to realize two out of three ain't bad -- i'm like a lawyer with the way i'm always trying to get you off (me & you) -- you make sacrifices to survive. Mental, emotional, physical, everyone's sacrificing something just to make it through.

it's all a game of this or that, now versus then/better off against worse for wear/and you're someone who knows someone who knows someone/I once knew, and I just want to be a part of this -- hum hallelujah -- the duality of living in such a small town where everyone knows everyone and still feeling like you have no place to belong

literally all of g.i.n.a.s.f.s. but especially: everybody wants to drive on through the night if it's a drive back home//things aren't the same anymore, some nights, they get so bad//i sleep with your old shirts and walk through this house//it's a strange way of saying that I know I'm supposed to love you, I'm supposed to love you//I've already given up on myself twice third time is the charm//threw caution to the wind, but I've got a lousy arm -- ioh was my first fob cd, and i listened to it on repeat the summer i spent commuting from my parents house to the hospital in the city to camp until i finally got an apartment. This was also the year i spent coming out to myself, terrified of the future and expectations i knew I'd never meet. I was also in love with one of my best friends and god it hurts so much for your first love to feel so wrong

I will never end up like him/behind my back, I already am -- headfirst slide into cooperstown on a bad bet -- when i first moved to the east coast i swore I'd assimilate and no one would know where i came from, but the second I'd open my mouth it would be "oh what part of the midwest are you from?" Over time I've learned to make peace with the parts of myself that are so unavoidably rural and midwestern, but there were parts i resented for a long time, because it felt like I'd never be free from where i grew up

I don't know where I'm going/but I don't think I'm coming home -- alone together -- i remember driving home from a college course i was taking my senior year of high school and just, dreaming of driving on, starting somewhere new

and in the end/i'll do it all again -- the kids aren't alright -- if things had been different, if i'd grown up differently, i wouldn't be who i am today. Also i almost got these lyrics tattooed on my thigh. Still might tbh

you were the sunshine of my lifetime/what would you trade the pain for?//and I just about snapped, don't look back//what would you trade the pain for? I'm not sure -- love from the other side -- leaving was, and is, so goddamn hard. Every time i visit my best friend, my grandparents, i have to remind myself why i left, and why i can't go back, and so much of that focuses on looking forward because if i look at the past too much i begin to romanticize the pain

scar crossed lovers, forever -- heaven, iowa -- i am so inexplicably, irreversibly bound to the people i grew up with like some sort of fucked up trauma bonding. Out here on the east coast, in the cities, it's just different. Even people who grew up east coast "rural," it's not the same. It's strong with friends from the city i moved from and even stronger with my friend who grew up in the same county.

[moonlit-tulip]

Recently, for the first time in about two-and-a-half years, I've been playing around on this one gamified-fiction-writing site—4thewords—which I first discovered back in 2018. During the 2018-2021 era, it was the single most useful tool I'd found with which to get myself to Actually Write; but now, after I've done a bunch of hacking to find it easier to get myself to write via pure internal motivation without the need for extrinsic deadlines of the sort it uses... it's still the most useful tool I've found with which to get myself to Actually Write, and has accelerated my progress at writing my current short-story-in-progress from maybe a few hundred to a thousandish words a week up to a few hundred to a couple thousand a day. Because, apparently, even if I'm way ahead of where I was a few years ago internal-writing-motivation-wise, I'm still not so high up that external motivation can't serve as a very high-powered force-multiplier.

This is interesting, because the vast majority of the gamified-productivity platforms out there just sort of straightforwardly don't work for me.

After a bit of introspection, I realized that the big important differentiating factor is: 4thewords, unlike almost every gamified-productivity tool I've tried to use, has actually-vaguely-complex gameplay. It's not, like, actively good, as a game; it's not something I'd play if playing it didn't produce writing as a byproduct; but it has any depth as opposed to no depth. It has, like, monsters which can be fought (by writing a certain number of words within a certain time-limit) and will drop items when defeated, and quests to fight monsters and/or retrieve items, and equipment which increases the effectiveness with which one can engage in this process via multiple different stats and is attainable via a mix of buying-from-shops and crafting-from-materials and getting-from-quest-rewards, and so forth. Plus the more-standard stuff, a daily-streak system and an XP system and a character-portrait-onto-which-one-can-equip-cosmetic-gear and so forth; but none of those things did anything for me on Duolingo, so I don't think they're the active ingredient, more of a side-benefit. But overall: moderately-many interlocking systems, as well-made games tend to have.

And that got me thinking... 4thewords is really not much of an RPG. Its story-writing is unmemorable (to the point where I literally do not remember anything about the plot, after my two-and-a-half year break), its gameplay leans grindy, et cetera. And it's still miles ahead of the more-traditional gamified-productivity platforms—it's the only one that's ever worked for me—just on the basis of trying at all, not entirely phoning things in with a superficial dress of game-themed-ness over an utter lack of functioning gameplay-loop.

And that, in turn, has me thinking: if that's really the operative ingredient, then there's a huge market-niche sitting there just waiting to be taken advantage of. Other, less-specifically-writing-centric, gamified-productivity tools along similar lines, building real gameplay into their gamification rather than just "look, here's an XP meter and a daily streak system, isn't this motivating?".

Possibly there's some reason I'm missing why writing would be particularly amenable to this and extrapolating it to other sorts of productivity-which-people-might-want-to-gamify wouldn't work. Or possibly there are other gamified-productivity tools with real gameplay in this manner, even if I myself have failed to discover them. But, if not, this seems like a very good opportunity, one which I'm even almost tempted to try to pick up myself despite this being in fact probably unwise with how many other higher-priority todos I've got piled up.

[storiesbyjes2g]

3.76 Ain't nobody love

Sophia finally came inside, and Dad congratulated her. He showered us with praise, and his unwavering belief in us resonated in every word. I tried to imagine what that moment must have felt like. Soulmates and serious commitments were important to him, but he didn't find success in that area. He never pushed me and mostly stayed out of my business unless I requested his help. But I knew all he wanted for me was success where he had failed. Sharing that special moment with us, knowing we had a solid foundation, must have been such a relief to him.

He asked about the house, and I described it as a larger version of his with four very small bedrooms, two bathrooms, a dining room, an office, and a nice sized yard with a massive tree. The previous owners left a treehouse kit behind, and I asked if he would help me build it. Of course, he looked forward to it.

"I'd love for you guys to stay for dinner, but you know if you don't get to your mom's house soon, there will be hell to pay," he said.

He was not wrong, so we got parting hugs and I love you's and headed to snowy Newcrest. Mama was standing at the door watching television, so I didn't bother knocking since she could hear us on the porch. Sophia stayed outside, trying to convince the dogs to come out of the freezing cold and into the house.

Mama's hair caught me off guard. It was so bright. Like, really, really bright. That's when I realized it wasn't gray anymore.

"You dyed it white?"

"It's not white! It's platinum blonde."

"Oh... I like it. Kinda badass."

She was always so adventurous with her hair. When she turned up to her birthday party with gray hair, she honestly surprised me. I thought she wouldn't be caught dead with gray hair, but I guess she was just trying it on. Clearly, that color didn't speak to her.

"Thanks, buddy! To what do I owe this pleasure? You're spoiling me with these frequent visits!"

"I proposed!"

She screamed. I never heard her make that sound before, and I'd probably never hear it again.

"THANK THE WATCHER!!"

Sophia had just come inside—without the dogs—in the middle of that commotion and stood off to the side, smiling, while Mama began to squeeze the life out of me.

"Oh, I'm so happy!!! My little buddy is getting married!!!"

Just as quickly as she embraced me, she pushed me aside to see Sophia's ring. She grabbed her hand, oohing and ahhing, holding it up to the light to catch every glint and sparkle.

"You chose well," she said. "It's perfect! I can't believe this, but I totally believe it! We have so much work to do!"

And there was the Emmy I expected earlier that week. I raised my eyebrow at Sophia, signaling her to brace for impact, just like I told her.

"So, when is the wedding? Wait, where is it? Sulani is perfect this time of year! Are you doing a honeymoon? What about kids? Are you waiting or trying immediately?"

"Whoa, timeout," I said. "We literally just got engaged like two hours ago. We haven't planned anything."

"Two hours? And you're just now coming to me?"

"Mama, chill. I proposed in San Sequoia. We went to Dad's first."

"Hmph. Well, you can leave Sophia with me. We'll have everything all done and dusted by the end of the night!"

I shook my head, and Sophia's eyes bounced between the two of us, uncertain if she should interject and afraid of what "leave Sophia with me" meant.

"Uhhh...shouldn't Luca have a say in his own wedding?" she asked warily.

"Why?" Mama asked. "Everyone knows the wedding is all about the bride. I'm sure Mr. Cute Face will be fine with whatever you want."

"But...," Sophia said hesitantly.

Mama sighed, and relented.

"Fine. He can have some say. But this wedding needs to happen as soon as possible! Especially if you're waiting to have kids. You can't wait too long!"

Sophia smiled uncomfortably, but found a little confidence.

"How about Luca and I talk about it first, and then we'll let you know what we'd like to do?"

Mama glanced back at me with a serious look.

"I love her. You chose very well."

"I know," I said, matter-of-factly.

She turned back to Sophia.

"You always stand up for my son. You don't understand yet how happy that makes me as a mother. We raise these little sims, and pour our whole lives into them, trying to protect them from the world and everything in it. It's very odd when they grow up because you still want to be that person in their lives, and it's hard to let go. But at the same time, deep down, you hope one day they'll find someone who will love them just as fiercely as you do. Thank you for loving my son like that."

"He loves me like that," Sophia said.

Mama grinned at me.

"I know he does."

"Here's an idea," I said, attempting to end this Luca Love Fest. "We've been walking around San Sequoia all day. How about Sophia and I go grab dinner and celebrate? You can watch the dogs, and we'll talk about wedding stuff. We can discuss everything when we come back to pick them up. That sound okay?"

"That's perfect," Mama said.

[novelmonger]

1-4 & 10-12 for The Unlikely Escape of Uriah Heep, 9-15 for FMA, 1 & 16-18 for Anne of Green Gables, 8-12 for Half-Magic, and 1, 3, 19, and 20 for The Little Riders, please?

The Unlikely Escape of Uriah Heep by H.G. Parry

what got you into this story?

My dear friend @rainintheevening recommended it to me, and I'm so glad she did! I wasn't even 20 pages in before I looked up from the page and went, "Ohoho, this book was definitely written for me!"

2. describe it in one or two sentences.

Charley Sutherland has always had the ability to read characters out of books and into real life. But when Uriah Heep, the villain from David Copperfield, begins to cause trouble, his older brother (who is perfectly ordinary in every way) will have to go to great lengths to help him out of his predicament.

3. quickly list 3 things you like about the story!

IT'S ABOUT BROTHERS

IT'S A BOOK ABOUT BOOKS

It started to look like the ending was going to be tragic, BUT IT WASN'T I CRYYYYYYYYYY T^T

4. assign this story a hyper-specific genre name, e.g. "inspirational religious semi-horror sci-fi western" (yes, that's Trigun)

Speculative literary brother fiction crossover thriller

10. if you made an amv about this, what song would you set it to?

"Brother" by Kodaline

I mean, would you look at these lyrics?

Oh brother, we'll go deeper than the ink Beneath the skin of our tattoos Though we don't share the same blood You're my brother and I love you that's the truth

;aldksj;sdkfl;sdkfldslkfj TT___TT

11. if you were put in the main character's position, how well would that go for you on a scale of 1-5?

Umm...maybe like a 4? Rob is a very normal kind of guy, and while I'm not a lawyer like him, most of the things he does are fairly ordinary, all things considered. (Well, it's not an ordinary situation at all, but I mean he doesn't have hidden magic or anything.) There's nothing particularly special about him except the lengths he's willing to go to for his brother. And I'd like to think I would do the same for my siblings if need be.

12. assuming your loved ones would be there, would you want to live in the world of the story?

YES. A world where I could potentially meet my favorite characters from beloved stories? Yeah, okay, some of the more unsavory characters show up too, but...like...I could have tea with Dumbledore. I could share crunchings and munchings with Gurgi. I could hang out with Pippi Longstocking! Maybe I could even give Kaladin Stormblessed a hug :')

Full Metal Alchemist by Hiromu Arakawa

9. give the most UNHELPFUL and/or SILLY summary possible.

A fake human uses a double amputee, a tin can, a war criminal, a butcher, and some old guy to try to become God. He fails because he didn't brush up on meteorology enough.

10. if you made an amv about this, what song would you set it to?

Funny you should ask, because I've got several ideas floating around in my head that I could actually make a reality if I just sat down and took the time! The first AMV idea I ever got, years and years ago, was one set to "Memories" by Within Temptation.

11. if you were put in the main character's position, how well would that go for you on a scale of 1-5?

Lol. 1. I would die immediately. I don't have a head for numbers or science, so I would probably be horrible at alchemy. Even if I somehow got clap-alchemy from the Truth (though how I'd be able to manage human transmutation to get that far is anyone's guess), I would fail miserably to do the things Ed does, because I am very flabby and weak and cowardly. Also I don't think I would have the gumption to do half the things he does, like pushing through the pain of automail surgery. Yeah, sorry, the world is doomed if I'm put in Ed's place.

12. assuming your loved ones would be there, would you want to live in the world of the story?

As much as I adore this story, I think I'd actually say no. There's so much danger and war on every side, and I don't much fancy the thought of losing my soul to a whirling vortex (even if my soul does get put back!). I've already laid out how I wouldn't be an alchemist, so there wouldn't even be that to compensate. Maybe I'd visit after it's no longer a fascist military state, though.

13. tell me an out-of-context piece of worldbuilding or lore!

Did you know that Amestris was the wife of Artaxerxes, king of Persia?

14. how likely do you think this story is to break a reader's heart? If you're not done with the story, just guess.

I'm biased, but I think it's pretty much guaranteed. If your heart doesn't break at least a little bit at a certain little girl and her dog, I'm not sure you have one. And there are so many other parts where I cried really hard, not least at the ending of the first anime. All I wanted to do after I finished it the first time was lie in my bed, staring at the ceiling and trying to figure out how to carry on with my life ^^'

15. what time are you most likely to be found reading/watching this story? (time of year, time of day, season of life, whatever makes sense to you)

ALL DAY ALL THE TIME.

Lol, that would have been my answer in my teenage years, but admittedly my attention has strayed to other fandoms more recently. I'm still down to read/watch FMA anytime at the drop of a hat, but these days I'm most likely to dip back into it this time of year, because I always try to have something to post for FMA Day on October 3rd. (Which reminds me, I need to get cracking on that D:)

Anne of Green Gables by L.M. Montgomery

what got you into this story?

I guess you could call it peer pressure, kinda? I just kept hearing people praising it over the years, until finally I decided I should probably see what all the fuss was about, rather than just writing it off as Not For Me because I decided that back when I was eight or something. And once I did start reading, it didn't take long for Anne to win me over ^_^

16. do you think this story has broad appeal, or is it meant for a very specific audience? if it's more "niche", what kind of person would most enjoy this story?

I do think it has broad appeal, though I'd still say it's not for everybody. Clearly, Baby Novie decided it wasn't for her because there wasn't enough high adventure in it. I think most people would be able to find something relatable or at least enjoyable about it, but some people might need to wait until they're mature enough to appreciate its merits ;)

17. compare this story to your usual tastes. how does it differ from what you've already enjoyed?

I usually prefer books with more fantastical elements in them, or at least adventuring, and that was especially true when I tried to read this book as a kid. I will certainly read the occasional historical fiction about ordinary, everyday ups and downs, but even so, I'm usually more inclined to reach for something like Austen or Dickens that has a more complicated, twisty-turny plot.

18. compare this story to your usual tastes. what parts of it are exactly the kind of thing you've always loved?

I'm actually kind of surprised this was never assigned for school, because it feels a lot like the kind of book I read a lot, and probably one I would have enjoyed more than some of the other stuff we had to read. If I'd only made the connection that it takes place around the same time as the Mandie books, I probably would have really latched onto it (even though Anne isn't about mysteries), because that was my bread and butter for several years as a kid. And Anne of Green Gables would have been much less embarrassing to return to as an adult ^^' Another element that is common to many stories I love is how friendship is treasured so highly.

Half Magic by Edward Eager

8. what questions are or were you most excited to learn the answers to while experiencing the story for the first time?

Oh man, it's been so long since the first time I read this book, I can't really remember. Especially because I was never really an "active reader" as a kid. I never stopped to ask questions, I just inhaled stories, and whatever happened in it, that was how it obviously had to be ^^' And by now, I've read the book so many times I know it back to front, and there aren't really any more questions that I care about.

At a guess, though, I might have wondered where the talisman came from and where I could get one :P

9. give the most UNHELPFUL and/or SILLY summary possible.

This book teaches you about fractions :)

10. if you made an amv about this, what song would you set it to?

Uhhhh...I really don't know. Probably some kind of instrumental track, maybe piano? And it would just be a montage of the whole story, I think.

11. if you were put in the main character's position, how well would that go for you on a scale of 1-5?

I'd say a 4 or a 5. I'd like to think I'd do pretty well at remembering not to say "I wish" out loud as much as they do, but that's never how these things go. But most of the times I say that, it's usually just things like "I wish I could remember..." or "I wish I knew why..." And I don't see how the consequences of that kind of accidental wish could be too dire XD

12. assuming your loved ones would be there, would you want to live in the world of the story?

A THOUSAND TIMES YES. How many times did I daydream about what my siblings and I would do if we got a wish-granting adventure like in the books? It might be a little annoying to have to put up with 1920s America or whenever it's supposed to be, but...wish-granting talisman. Come on.

The Little Riders by Margaretha Shemin

what got you into this story?

This was assigned for school. I don't remember when exactly that was, but I think it was a read-aloud rather than one I read to myself, so maybe first or second grade? And I just remember it being one of the books that stood out to me amongst all the others.

3. quickly list 3 things you like about the story!

It offers a unique perspective on WWII, humanizing the Nazi soldiers when most of the time, we're all content to just think of them as nothing but monsters.

It's tense and exciting - will the soldier find the little riders?!

Illustrated by Peter Spier, a staple of my childhood picture books!

19. pitch an idea for a sequel or spinoff novel for this story!

What about a parallel story about the soldier's family? What was their experience like during the war?

20. what's the WORST thing about this story, in your opinion? (feel free to be positive, e.g. "it's not longer", if you want!)

Okay, yes, I could definitely do with a longer version of this book. I would have liked more exploration of Johanna's experience of being an American girl growing up in Holland with her grandparents. Did she have culture shock at first? Does she feel more at home in Holland now? For the lack of exploration they do into her unique situation, I almost think it would have been better to just have her be a Dutch girl who's lived in Holland all her life. The extra details of her father being in the U.S. Navy kind of feels superfluous.

Story Ask Game

[beevean]

Something happened that lead me to think.

Yesterday, I read a long message that was left to me on November 24 (it was on Messenger and I don't use FB anymore): an old friend of mine, that abandoned me 10 years ago, wrote me a long, long letter of apologies for her past behavior.

We were close, although long distance, friends. I was 16-18, and she was two years older than me. She was a very intelligent, studious girl, and we could relate to each other for our shyness and lack of friends among other things. But she suffered from OCD and depression, things I honestly did not know how to handle at the time, and they interfered with our relationship. She was extremely insecure, constantly doubting that I cared about her, acting up if I invited my classmates over to study together, making me feel responsible for her staying alive.

Long story short, she eventually found herself a boyfriend and decided I wasn't worth the effort anymore. I think she said something like "being together with you isn't stimulating anymore".

(btw, in her letter she offhandedly mentioned that now she has understood her sexuality better, which doesn't surprise me - I can believe she had a crush on me and it manifested in a terrible way. I myself sometimes consider her my first girlfriend :\)

She and my father "abandoning" me at the same time caused me suicidal thoughts that to this day I'm battling with. But I eventually forgave my father: I think he paid enough for what he did. With her, I honestly thought I'd never hear from her again. I tried to learn my lesson, and honestly I strived to never become like her. Which I failed to do, sadly.

And I haven't responded to her yet because I honestly don't know where to begin. It's been ten years, and while I'm in a better place than where she left me off, I'm not exactly in a good place either. But... just the thought of contacting me after a decade to apologize? Was the guilt really that strong?

And then, today my boyfriend made a surprise visit to talk face to face.

I thought he was also done with me after we spent a month essentially making each other sick. I was trying to move on, because really, I'm not going to cry again for the umpteenth person who gets tired of me (a mentality I "learned" from this old friend of mine, that eventually I'll bore everyone away), but yes, I was thinking all this time "man, five years down the drain, what a waste".

And what does he do when he showed up? He apologized to me. He realized that I was right about some of the things I told him. That he gets passive-aggressive when angry, that he's excessively proud, that sometimes his advice got too insistent. He thought about it, and he drove to my house (it's an one hour drive) to speak to me with his heart in his hand, fully knowing that I could have said that I don't love him anymore or I found someone else.

We made up. I have made my mistakes, I need to change as a person, but I honestly, honestly appreciated that he made the effort to actually examine himself and ask for closure.

So... I guess the takeaway from this is that I, too, deserve to be apologized to. I always feel like I'm a screw up and everything I do is wrong and I need to constantly apologize myself. It's what I argued with my boyfriend over. So, as self-centered as this may sound, yes I do feel better about myself now.

But also, I'm constantly afraid of reaching out to people for fear of rejection, or that it's too late to make amends or anything. And yet look at this. An apology after ten years. I really should take this to heart.

[moongothic]

Remember my first crochet sweater from forever ago? The one that turned out like shit?

Frogged it and now it's a knit 😎

So to recap; I tried making a crochet sweater based on a YouTube tutorial like years ago, and although while making it I could tell it didn't seem... right... I just kept on telling myself to "trust the process" and that "it'd turn out okay in the end"

It did not

The sweater ended up being so square-ish and massive I could've fit three of myself inside of, going well beyond "comfy oversized sweater" straight into "clown clothes" territory. It was bad. On top of that, although I tried to get the same yarn to do the top of the sweater in a pastel purple, I ended up leaning about this thing called "dye lots" the hard way, as the yarn I had needed to finish the sweater ended up being a completely different shade from what I had used for most of the sweater.

So yeah. The sweater turned out like shit, and I wore it maybe once before putting it into my closet and refusing to even look at it for like IDK two years.

Now I have some nicer yarn that I'd like to make something with, something preferably knit because I like knit fabric more than crochet, but I don't want to practise knitting clothes with that nicer yarn. And so I figured, if I frogged this crochet sweater I could then practise knitting sweaters, reuse the old yarn (=don't have to buy jack shit), and maybe remake this failed sweater into something I'll actually wear

And so the sweater was frogged, this being all the usable yarn from the project. Pastel purple dyelot on the left while the more pinkish yarn (the stuff I had originally used while trying to convince myself it wasn't pink)

You can see the difference in the hue better here

So yeah. Now admitedly after frogging the sweater I did lowkey think about just trying to re-crochet the sweater and did kinda start on that, but I very soon realized that I probably wouldn't have enough yarn to remake the sweater the way I wanted to, and just trying to crochet with it made me double down on how much I just I don't like crochet fabric as clothes. It's just so bulky, man

So I got to knitting instead. And because I'm deranged I chose to... mostly wing it. I did look at a few YouTube tutorials for top-down raglan sweaters to get an idea of what I was supposed to be doing, but in the end, I do kinda learn the best by just winging it. But what I did make a big note of while remaking the sweater was just trying it on as often as possible, just to make sure I didn't make it as oversized this time.

I did want to make this process relatively simple though and because I didn't want to risk losing out of yarn at an inconvenient point I chose to skip the stripes of the original sweater and just make it a simple two-color sweater. This also had the added benefit where I was able to use up all of the purple yarn on the yolk and just go as far as I could go with it before switching to black.

But yeah, the end result?

It's decent!

Like let's be real, my raglan increases are an absolute fucking mess and the shaping on the yolk is a little funny, AND I did make the collar too big (I was so worried my giant head wouldn't fit through so I made it way bigger than it needed to be, but honestly it's better that way than it being way too small. It looks a little silly but it's not the end of the world), and the sleeves ended up being like maybe 4-5 centimeters too long they could've been a smidge shorter.

But aside from that?

I'm honestly really happy with it

Because the fabric is super soft and nice, it's not too bulky, and most importantly, it fits me. It's not obscenely massive on me, it's just the right size.

And really, that's all I wanted. A sweater I'd actually USE, and yeah, I'm gonna wear the hell out of this next fall/winter when the weather gets cold again. It's not perfect, but it's more than good enough for me. And most importantly, I now feel infinitely more confident in maybe using that nicer yarn sometime soon to knit something

Now what the fuck am I gonna do with the leftover yarn 'cause boy howdy do I have a ton left

[compo67]

failed to launch

i wore my halloween leggings underneath my new pair of jeans tonight so i'd be warm walking from the parking lot to the restaurant.

i wore my heavy wool coat, too.

i don't know who i'm speaking to. you or you or you.

i bundled up. it was me and my hot pink scarf against the world. it's comforting to be wrapped in something i made. my scarf is proof of my patience, my stubbornness, and my brain's desire for predictable and safe repetition.

i drove thirty minutes southeast to a suburb i've only been to once, way back when i was an inventory manager and had to help do inventory at a store in that region. that must have been 2015.

ten years.

i remember, those ten years ago, that i dated someone who sold me on a bunch of lies. empty promises. she said she'd take care of me. she pledged her love for me. she encouraged me to make up scenarios of us together. she's the one who taught me, made me see, that love is not always enough.

i sang to shania twain and waylon jennings on the way to this once-in-ten-years suburb.

i sat in my car before going inside the restaurant, and stared at the grocery store next to it.

i thought, "huh, they have a Caputo's here." that made things less scary-overwhelming-foreign.

i remember being a kid and following my grandfather around the Caputo's near our house.

i ducked inside and so began the next two and a half hours.

i sat there. spoke. listened. made eye contact. smiled. laughed. sipped my iced tea and looked around to see if a game was on one of the many TVs on the walls. i don't know where my soul went, but it certainly wasn't connected to my body.

i thought of you. the whole time. the entire time. all the time.

i didn't even try not to think of you. i didn't dole out those thoughts in pieces. rations. in crumbs. no, no i just *did.*

i let it happen.

i didn't mind. it didn't make me upset. not until the drive home.

i left the restaurant confused and awkward. i started piecing together goodbye-not-for-me words.

i crawled into my car and immediately turned on the bat signal. D spoke with me for half the trip home. Z spoke with me for the other half. they held me tight in their voices. they made me smile. they reminded me that there's someone out there for me.

i told them, i wish it had been you.

i wish it had been you sitting across from me at the restaurant located in a suburb i haven't been to in a decade.

i wanted it to be you.

i got home and opened this app. checked the notifications. and.

i see you.

i saw you.

i tossed off my jeans. shucked my flannel and my shirt, exchanging them for a tank top and my Dallas Stars hoodie.

i kept the leggings on.

i'm curious to know why you've followed me. i'm interested in knowing what fueled your decision to do that. why now. why again. why anything, do i even want an explanation.

i can feel-hear you. just like joe and ox.

i remember you saying, "i don't have a support system like you do."

i took the time, since my departure, and leaned on it. called in the cavalry. summoned the best of the best to assist me in not-drowning. mighty fighters fill out my support system. being with them is being with myself.

i am rich in love, and able to give it back.

i suppose what i want to say is quite simple. but the answer frightens me. why should i trade my sunny spot knee deep in water for a murky, depleted deluge?

why answer the door only to see no one and nothing behind it.

i am tired.

i wonder what a dramatic increase in oxygen feels like.

big deep breath.

do I dare to eat a peach?