#i’ve seen so many cruel things and jokes regarding his death

[itsasilentreader]

So they way I found out that Liam passed was through and instagram post by a meme account.

Let me be clear: I don’t support what he did and I think it’s brave of Maya to speak up.

However, it doesn’t mean I can’t be sad for my teenage self. I remember my room was full with posters, even my ceiling because I ran out of space on my walls. Me finding comfort in One Direction as I was shy/introverted, insecure and tried to find myself as a teen when I was bullied before going to high school.

I mourn for my childhood/teenage years. I don’t know how to navigate my emotions right now, and especially after seeing the abuse allegations.

Just because I don’t support or like who he was now, doesn’t mean I can’t mourn or wanted him to die.

I’m thinking about his son and family and how they must feel after losing him, but also his ex for speaking up about het experience and how she must feel right now.

I think it’s best if we all give his family time and space to grief and leave Maya alone as this is not her fault.

[godofplumsandthunder]

Twisted Fate

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: Cancer, both Bucky and reader have cancer, Major Character death, brief hospital terms mainly reffering to cancer treatment. References to amputation.

A/N: This was written for the lovely @eurynome827​ 2k celebration. I got a lovely quote of lyrics from Hadestown, which I wanted to do something that was based off of the musical, but I couldn’t figure anything out. Then I had a big anniversary come up and this was came out instead. It’s very angsty, I cried a lot, and well I hope you like it.

The low, steady hum of the fan fills the awkward silence. The psychiatrist, newly assigned to the case, still doesn’t feel comfortable. “Case number 32557038” was widely known in the health care center. The whispers and rumors floated their way down the hall, past the copy machine, filling the office with this chilling tale. Some regarded it as a terrible series of bad luck, others thought it was an act of some benevolent God, pouring his rage on this poor couple. Dr. Breynord, after reading the notes on the file, Breynord knew that this case was perhaps the worst case of bad luck she ever saw in her career, and, maybe it was her stubbornness or naive belief in medicine, but Dr. Breynord was going to help this poor man get the peace he so desperately needs.

“James,” Dr. Breynord’s voice breaks the silence of the office, “I’ve read what my colleagues had to say about your case, but, I’d like you to tell me what has happened if you feel comfortable.”

Shifting in his seat, James sighs, with a small nod of the head, he starts at the beginning.

Bucky Barnes was used to change. Granted, it was other people’s change, but it was still change nonetheless. The poor folks that sat next to him each clinic visit changed, his caretakers changed, it seemed as if the whole world changed around him, while he was stuck in some perpetual hell. Every day dragged out in the same dull, and nauseating feeling, and at times, Bucky felt he was in an endless loop, forsaken by some deity he didn’t believe in. But, for however long Bucky has left in this fallen and cruel world, he’ll remember when you walked in, shattering the miserable purgatory he was banished to, he’ll always remember the day you changed his life.

It happened during his first transfusion session after his surgery. His arm, still wrapped in bandage, IV tubing leading straight to his heart, pumped his body full of liquids, as he waited for the toxic poison to enter his body. He always found it ironic, the “medicine” that was supposed to save his life, that was too dangerous for the nurses to touch with their bare hands, was willingly flushed into his body. Hair loss, mouth sores, and muscle aches were the better side effects. He can’t help but think about what is coming, especially as he sees his nurse, Thor, come over with the freshly made batch of poison [STRIKE THROUGH], chemotherapy as his doctor would want him to call it. Hanging the bag on his IV pole, Thor looks over at Bucky, giving him the “I’m going to go on a rant about something you should care about” look. 

“Now James, we’re getting a new patient today. It’s their first transfusion. They’re going to be sitting in the pod next to you. I swear to the gods, I best not hear another complaint about your attitude.”

“Me? An attitude? No, I think you got me confused with someone else. I’m the brightest little ball of sunshine here!” Bucky can’t help but chuckle. It’s not his fault he wasn’t a “warrior”, blasting “Fight Song” 24/7, as he sips on a kale smoothie with coffee suppositories shoved up his ass. T

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, Barnes,” Thor shakes his head as he cleans up his station, “don’t think I won’t throw your bald ass out of here. That cancer sob story, won’t work on me.” 

Bucky goes back to his phone, already feeling the effects of the chemo. No matter how many anti-nausea meds they fed him, Cisplatin always makes him sick. So, he had the right to act like a grumpy old grandpa. While he scrolls through his social media feed, seeing all the accomplishments, brags, and just shit of his friends, Bucky hears your sniffles, as you make your way down to the end of the Oncology clinic, taking a seat next to Bucky. Even if Thor hadn’t given him the heads up, he would have known you were fresh meat. One infusion, his mom asked him how he could tell. It was easy for Bucky, it all had to do with the eyes. A cancer diagnosis shatters you. It kills all hope, light, and goodness that’s in you. You turn completely numb to the world, to the point where your own wailing and sobs feel muted. Bucky saw all of that in your eyes. Behind the puffy, redness, saw the shards of hope, the fear of the unknown. Before you could reach your seat, you stumble, spilling your possessions that you carried all over the floor. Bucky watches quietly as you quickly pick up your items, collapsing into the chair next to him. 

“Sorry I couldn’t give you a hand, only have the one,” he wiggles his stump, and he's met with silence. Talk about a rough crowd, he thinks, his nephews love his stumpy jokes. “So,” Bucky continues, “what are you in for? I’m a sarcoma, in the arm.” You sniffle as you turn your body to look at this new man.

“Leukemia,” you confess, voice barely above a whisper. It takes a real effort to say it out loud because then it makes all of this real.

“That’s good then,” the “sarcoma” man says to you, and Bucky can see the confusion, and pain on your face.

“How is that good? How is cancer good?”

Using his arm, Bucky points around the room, giving you a tour of the room.

“See him, that’s Riley, he has an inoperable brain tumor. That young kid, with the Switch? His name is Peter, his body is chemo resistant. So yeah, leukemia is good. If you haven’t learned it yet, not all cancers are made equal.”

“Oh,” you barely make out. What were you supposed to say to that? 

=====

Much to Bucky’s surprise, he actually enjoyed having your company. Your treatments lined up and so you both got to know each other well. Bucky enjoyed having someone close to his age that understood his problems. And it also didn’t hurt that you had such a great personality, you got Bucky’s dark humor (and it went without saying that you understood it was his way of coping), and you looked great. Not many people can rock a bald head. And Bucky has seen his fair share, and he can say with confidence, you rocked it. Not covering it up with caps, scarves, or wigs. Because why should you hide away? For the first time since his diagnosis, Bucky had a purpose. So, while his immune system allowed him to leave the house, he picked up a bouquet of fake flowers (neutropenia life, am I right?) and a box of chocolates to take with him to the next transfusion. When he got to the clinic, Bucky was a bit worried to see that you weren’t next to him. Instead, there sat Barb, 75 years old with breast cancer. 

“Oh sweetie, are those for me?” Barb looks at the flowers in Bucky’s hand. 

“No!” He snaps, as closes the curtain that surrounds his chair. He hears some huffs and complaints from Barb, but frankly, he doesn’t give a damn. Bucky only has one thing on his mind: you. 

“Are you alright? You’re not here at Club Med” Bucky texts as quickly as his one hand would let him. Dropping his phone, Bucky stares at it all while the nurses prep him. And because of damn, HIPAA, none of the nurses can tell him where you’re at. Minutes turn into hours, and by the time Bucky’s infusion ends, you still haven’t responded to him or shown up at the clinic. 

“Hope you’re okay. Call or text me. I'm worried” Bucky sighs, realizing how much you made his chemo treatments more bearable. How your laugh could make him forget of the poison he had to take, or how the light in your eyes could make him forget, even just for a bit, how much his arm stump was hurting. You were a drug, more potent than any he’s had before, and Bucky was becoming addicted. He’s picking at the hamburger he got for dinner, not having much of an appetite when his phone goes off. Seeing it’s from you, he rushes to answer. 

“Y/N! I… Where were you? I missed you today. I had to sit by Barb and…” The sounds of your cries cut Bucky off. 

“Are you okay?”

“No, Buck. I… Got some bad news today.” 

“Where are you?” He asks. He knows you’re alone, and speaking from experience, you never want to be alone when you get bad news. He knows from experience.

“Buck…” you sigh, “It’s fine. Really.” 

“Please, Y/N, I know what it’s like to be alone after getting this kind of news. Please, let me be there for you.” Breaking further down into tears, you cry at Bucky’s actions, actions of love. 

“I’ll send you my address,” Bucky gathers the flowers and chocolates as he rushes to your apartment, breaking a few traffic laws to get there faster. When he gets there, the image of you, opening the door, eyes swollen from crying breaks his heart. 

“Oh, Y/N,” Bucky sweeps you into his arm, as he closes the door behind, “tell me what’s going on hun.” 

You both sit on the couch, the bag with the flowers and chocolate lay at your feet, as you stay in Bucky’s embrace. 

“I’m… I’m dying Buck!” You manage to say in-between odds. “Dr. Fair... gave me three months to live. There’s nothing else they can do.” You break down in his arms, that last straw finally breaking, as you tell your newfound best friend, the person you were supposed to beat cancer with. Bucky tries his best to remain strong, to be the rock, the foundation you need, but you’re not the only one that is losing a friend. You sit in each other's embrace, as you mourn. You cry for all the missed opportunities, laughs, and memories that won’t be made. 

“What am I going to do,” you whisper, your voice hoarse from crying. 

Kissing your head, Bucky pulls you in closer, “we, are going to make these three months, the best three months you’ve ever had.”

Bucky lives up to his promise, spending every hour he isn’t in the hospital with you. The time you spent together changed your relationship. Neither had to officially say the words to make your relationship official. It was just you, and Bucky. Holding each other close, as the tempest waged on, trying to beat you into submission. You go on walks in the park, picnics, and one night when you both had the energy, went skinny dipping. Your logic being, what are the cops going to do? Arrest two cancer patients, with one of them being terminal? You threw caution to the wind and simply lived. Lived, breathed, and loved. Things seemed to be perfect until reality hit.

Your body wasn’t keeping up. Your cancer was spreading faster than they predicted. The doctors couldn’t give you an explanation as to why the cancer was spreading so fast. It shouldn’t have been. Soon, home hospice came, to try to make you more comfortable. And like the good partner he was, Bucky spent every minute by your side. That’s why, when you felt the inevitable coming, you felt your body give in to the tiredness of fighting, you grab Bucky’s hand. 

“I love you, James Bucky Barnes,” you weakly say, giving him one last affirmation, as you went to sleep, for one last time. 

As Bucky wakes up from his nap, feeling your cold body, he tries to ruse you back awake. Once he realizes what has happened, the last bit of humanity inside of Bucky snapped. He lets out a blood-curdling scream, as tears stream down his face. He strikes your face, pleas escape his mouth. Pleas to you, to a God he has long stopped believing in. His body shakes, his tears wetting your hair, as he holds you for one last time. 

=====

“Oh James,” Dr. Breynord grabs herself a tissue before handing Bucky the box of tissues. “I truly am so sorry to hear that. I want you to know that I am here to help you get happy again, and to heal.”

Bucky sighs and turns away from the doctor as he wipes his eyes. “You’re just like the rest of them. You didn’t listen to me.” 

Breynord was surprised that this was Bucky’s complaint. The other doctors had warned her that Bucky could be sarcastic, standoff-ish, and even flat-out rude to them. Breynord thought she did a good job listening to his story, what did she miss.

“I… I don’t think I understand what you mean, James.”

Bucky lets out a heartless, empty laugh, “you want me to be happy again. I’m never going to be. Not only do I have to live with the guilt of surviving, when she died, in my arms, but I’ll also never find another soul like hers. We had a connection, you know. It felt like we met before. When I held her in my arm, and her arms would wrap around me, it felt like I had the whole world in my arms. I didn’t need anything else when I had Y/N.” 

“So tell me doc, what’s the point of carrying on?”

[demonfox38]

Okay. Made it through the last season of Netflix's "Castlevania" interpretation. Thoughts are below the cut.

I've often thought of this series as the exploitation version of "Castlevania," and hiring Malcom McDowell confirms that.

Although, I find it hilarious that both Malcolm McDowell and Patrick Stewart have ended up voicing the same character. I'm sure there's a "Star Trek Generations" joke to be made in there, but I'm not Mike Stoklasa.

Also, I was cracking up a bit when Varney's plot twist happened. Mostly, because it came off a bit Skeletor-esque in vocal performance.

Also, also—laughing that the final boss went the "Castlevania: Lament of Innocence" route despite barely touching on that game's plot.

Animation had its ups and downs with this season. It seemed like there were some frame issues (not enough inbetweening.) I do appreciate how they incorporated more of Alucard's SOTN animations into his fights, however.

Additionally, some of the fight scenes' pacing seemed to have issues, particularly regarding weapon recovery.

The whole bit with St. Germain was off. Like, he's a weird asshole in "Castlevania: Curse of Darkness", but he's more of a weird asshole there in the same way that casually encountering "Doctor Who"'s Doctor would also be strange. Not a straight up villainous boob. Kinda makes sense thematically to have another character who is willing to do horrible shit for their lost loved one, but the series honestly did not do a good job establishing her. Like, did she even have a voice actor? Or a name? All I'm saying is it was much easier for outsiders to get the Lisa revenge thing Dracula had going.

Also, how dare you joke about not being deaf and then have a villainous monologue, TV show.

Greta's a good girl. Well, outside of being an occasional homewrecker. Point is, she's competent and trying her best to save people in a bad situation, and anyone having issues with her is not to be trusted in the same way that you don't trust people who don't like Rochelle from "Left 4 Dead 2."

Look at me. Do not trust people who do not like Rochelle from "Left 4 Dead 2." Yes, her writing could have been better, but she's still a viable character. Let people Thunder Child their ships on the rocks of your better self. Got me?

Also, y'all really need to embrace more polyamory. Or understand the fact that Alucard's not going to love just one person in his life. Dude lives to be at least 600 in the game's timeline. For a dude who loves humans, constricting him to just one who may live to be 100 at best is cruel.

There are some interesting philosophical dialogues going on here, but I can see where some people may lose their patience for them. Considering one of Castlevania's most popular memes is a philosophy debate, you're just gonna have to suck that up. My personal favorites included the topic of acting versus reacting, as well as having agency in one's story.

Striga's battle theme was cool, but otherwise, the music was forgettable. Yes, that is a sin. Punishable by Death? In this series, maybe!

The gore's still over the top. Which, okay, fine. There's a bit of that in game. It's just generally a bit more reserved with it or uses it in crucial boss fights.

RIP doggie.

The Targoviste plot's a bit of a wash, but it doesn't feel as useless as Trevor and Sypha's previous plot predicament. It's just nothing of a surprise, considering how many times the writing has played the "authority figures are useless" and "dark secret surprise" tropes in this series. Like, Greta being reliable is actually more surprising than anything with this plot.

I cannot emphasize enough how boring I found Carmilla's interpretation and plot arc. You guys could have had a giant, naked lesbian riding a skull and spewing magic at people while her cat-eared girlfriend jumped them for extra damage. But no. Vanilla lady with a scarlet sword for you. So long. Farewell. Auf Wiedersehen. Good night.  

Gotta say, as much of a deviation from his source character as he is, Isaac really turned out well in this series. He's definitely evidence that you don't always need to stick to source material.

His Abel is fucking sick, dude. Way to go, king.

Also, I was expecting more violence from Hector this season. Oh, well. At least he got a teeny bit of a spine.

Look. I'm not an alchemist by any means. I'm just a bit baffled by this season's emphasis of obtaining a Rebis. Like, any time the game series has talked about the Magnum Opus of Alchemy, it's more been in pursuit of making a Philosopher's Stone (or at the very least, a Crimson Stone, as seen in "Castlevania: Lament of Innocence.") Pulling a Rebis out of the aether is…well. Could have been more interesting than it was. I mean, it was a bit nightmarish, but it really didn't do much.

Sypha's really never getting back to her family, is she?

Love the idea that the cross subweapon is basically a fancy chakram.

GERGOTH. BUDDY. FRIENDO.

Really appreciating the monster variety in these last two seasons. I mean, that's a big selling point of the "Castlevania" games. Not so much vampires standing around and bickering in dick-waving contests.

Breaking out of the bullet points to hit on the big subject of this season—that is, the ending being surprisingly happy.

There's been a lot of shit that's happened over the last few years. Obviously, a pandemic. Konami's run by pricks. Then, there's the situation with the allegations of sexual coercion with Warren Ellis. Additionally, the terrible ending of "Game of Thrones" likely impacted how this season was developed, considering it seemed to be chasing its progression in construction. (I mean, look at Carmilla and Daenerys.) I don't know how many people were happy with the last season of "Castlevania," but from my POV, it double-tapped itself in the foot with the way it pushed simultaneous sex and violence in its last two episodes. My point is, there was little taste for additional darkness, considering everything that has been happening. Society is drained.

A happy ending was what people really wanted. And man, did this pull through, in that regard. But, there's a conversation to be had in if this swerved too far or if it violates some artistic integrity to give people what they want. So, let's have it.

Look. Man. Have you seen a "Castlevania" ending? When you do it right, it's crumbled castles and rainbow-colored skies. If you do it really right, it results in a pretty girl holding the main character's hand. There is happiness in these games. Hope. Forgiveness and redemption. If this is supposed to be any bit an accurate interpretation of these games, it absolutely should end in such a joyful fashion. (Okay, maybe giving Dracula and Lisa a second honeymoon at the end was a bit much, but I get where people would want that.)

Did some items need to be addressed more? Absolutely. Alucard staking people and Hector getting sexually coerced into servitude are some pretty big topics to just wave away. (Oh, shit. That second part is even worse now with what Ellis was allegedly doing, isn't it?) I suppose I'm just glad the series didn't go full Sephiroth with Alucard. And at least Hector finally took some stand in his situation, even if it wasn't the bombastic, hateful revenge I'm used to seeing from this character in other stories.

I think the creators of this series were trying to save this show from the fate of "Game of Thrones." (To some extent, perhaps the "Voltron" re-interpretation as well.) There's so much media out there anymore that if a production team doesn't nail the ending, their creation gets wiped out of the collective consciousness. To that extent, I think the creators were successful in saving their series. Did it do damage to itself in yanking out of its construction and themes? A bit. But, in doing so, it pivoted back to being more like a proper "Castlevania" product. (And of course, by proper, I mean anything ignoring "Lords of Shadows." God, people need to stop chasing other products when developing "Castlevania" stuff and just let the series be as it is.)

I am very curious as to how much of this season was part of an original draft and how much was revised in backlash to everything that has happened. It doesn't seem like Trevor was intended to survive, but to some extent, Sypha had to. (I mean, until she has a kid, anyway. See "Lords of Shadows" series for dickery regarding that.) I'm also wondering if there was more intended for the Carmilla subplot, as much as the series was banging on about her invading locations. I'm not even sure St. Germain was intended to be a villain all along. Getting into a bitchfight with Death? Sure. Doing what he did here? That's a weird arc, dude.

If you come away from my POV with anything, it should be this: GO PLAY THE GAMES.

Do it. Do it, you ghouls. Go to the Steam store and download the "Castlevania Anniversary Collection." Boot up your PS3 or 4 or 18 or whatever and get "Symphony of the Night." Throttle Nintendo's stores until "Aria of Sorrow" or "Dawn of Sorrow" or "Harmony of Dissonance" or whatever rattles out of their moldy pockets. Find a ROM. Find an ISO. Just play a game. Especially, one of the ones made before 2010.

"Castlevania" as a game series isn't about hordes of vampires dick-waving at each other or edgy swearing or being grim and dark. Some of that stuff's there, sure. But, at its core, it's what game developers created when they looked at Universal Monster Movie creations and went "That's cool. Let's fight that!" It's a series about pushing technology in MMC chips to make rich, vibrant music. It's about flourishing artwork and layers of sprites dripping particles and gore onto players. It's sober and goofy and very pro curry.

The thing is, "Castlevania" players have their own unique connection to the series. We're the weirdos you see clapping their hands when a mutilated dinosaur shows up on screen. It's not because the monster alone is cool. It's that we've fought and struggled and bodied that thing through several floors like a goddamn "X-Men: Children of the Atom" stage. It's kicked our asses. We've kicked its ass. We've got a connection to it that you just don't get from passively watching it barf lasers through a computer monitor or TV screen. Like, you know how people go, "Well, the movie wasn't as good as the book?" It's obnoxious, sure. But, those who read the source materials have to go to the effort of constructing their own sets and people to understand what's happening. In a similar fashion, game players build up their own skill set to reach that next rung.

Maybe you don't always get a payout when you invest your resources into something. But, there is a sense of accomplishment, seeing what you can do.

There's a reason this series got an adaptation. I mean, outside of Konami's head executives wanting easy money. "Castlevania" is a fantastic video game series. Has it got a few problems? Oh yeah. Especially after outsourcing and pachislot machines became all the rage. But, there's a reason Simon and Richter Belmont are playable in "Super Smash Bros. Ultimate." There's a reason I spent a significant amount of time playing these games and writing or drawing fanworks for it. These games are wonderful. Beautiful. Difficult, but inspiring. Reasons I will still bang on about them decades years down the road.

When I get exasperated by layers of angst and edge lord content this Netflix series generated, I want you to know why. The roots of this show are good games held captive under poor management. Some people on staff know this. I wish they had more scenario and writing control. But mostly, I don't want to shit on them or their work. (Well, other than perhaps the obvious target.) I just want you to see what I love in these games.

And also to watch Crashervania. Because that's legit.

[biwenqing]

Golden Stage Thoughts

Alright-y, I finished this novel and just have to recommend it. It’s actually the first Chinese fan translated novel I’ve finished in full so far, so I think that speaks to how engaging the story is! [English translation]

Things I adored:

The romance - this is really the drive of the story and the author treats it as such. After the two main characters come together, they don’t tend to be a part for long. When they are, there is often a lot of references to their feelings for each other or they try and stay in contact. It’s a relationship that has a strong balance of power. Sometimes one or the other may have more power in the world at large for a time, but it tends to balance out in the end and they always respect each other as they come to understand each other.

The tropes - SO MANY and they are such good ones. If I were to tag it I would use: #friends to enemies to arranged marriage to friends to lovers #mutual pining #battle couple #hurt/comfort #huddling for warmth #met as teens #bickering as flirting #competency kink #there is only one bed #domestic couple #pov alternating #happy ending. They spoil each other, they long for each other when apart, they bicker AND say the sweetest things to each other. When they figure out their feelings, they pretend they still “hate” each other, which leads to some very funny scenes. Some of these are outsider POV moments, which are so fun. There is fluff and there is angst. They get their happy ending! All around I was left so satisfied with the romance and happy with almost every scene they had together.

The story - This is a historical fiction romance, heavy on royal court drama. There is a mix of some mystery in it as well! The plot going along around the romance is pretty engaging and decently written, though there are some plot holes (which the author acknowledged). Nothing groundbreaking but worked well for the piece.

The characters - Fu Shen and Yan Xiaohan are both morally grey and it's neat! In their lines of work they can be rough and cruel. But what this does mean is that they feel like really in-depth and well rounded characters. The different parts of their personalities, the effects of both having been young when shoved into places of power, and how their families shaped them are all shown. Don’t go into the story thinking it will be all fluff because there is war and political backstabbing aplenty, but it makes for interesting characters and the sweet moments sometimes even sweeter. Fu Shen and Yan Xiaohan feel like completely original and well written characters which is what I look for in a story, especially a romance, to be sure!

The writing/translation - The writing itself was just rather well done and I give a lot of kudos to the translator. Fan translation is a hard labor of love, and the quality of lines and descriptions are fantastic!

Representation - The story starts after Fu Shen suffers a grave injury that leaves his legs disabled. He remains disabled throughout the story (doesn’t magically get better despite my fear they would use the trope). It was really neat to see a disabled love interest/main character, though there are issues (see below). Also of note: the main characters aren’t the only queer couple in the story! Fu Shen’s uncle had a well know relationship with a prince and there is reference to a past emperor who had a great male love (in the historical set up for there being gay marriage). Yan Xiaohan also knows he is gay so there isn’t the cringe-y “straight but with an acceptation” thing going on.

Things that I really didn’t like:

Having a disabled love interest is fantastic! However, I need to note a few things about the writing on that as a whole. There is often a lot of ableist language and assumptions, which while probably historically accurate in a lot of ways, are just... not fun to read to put it mildly. For example, often times able-bodied people are referred to as “normal” in comparison with Fu Shen. In addition, I don’t think the author did any research on how an injury like Fu Shen’s would affect him, how it would heal, and how different mobility assistance would really work... and it shows. Some of the biggest plot holes and confusion for me were around how Fu Shen’s injury and recovery were depicted, which sucks.

Similar to the above, addiction is dealt with to a minor extent and how it is written is not how it works... I found it annoying but not enough to stop reading.

Not enough women :( Also the women who are seen don’t really have any agency of their own and shitty things tend to happen to them.

While there is a legal form of gay marriage, it is for the upper class alone and it’s... complicated. There is a good deal of homophobia in the culture and there is plenty of jokes in the manner of who is the “wife”. However, a good deal of what is seen within the story seems to be Fu Shen and Yan Xiaohan teasing each other (and being annoyed at anyone who makes the jokes). So I took it with a grain of salt but wanted to warn for it.

There is one scene of dubious consent (an aphrodisiac is involved) which is SO completely frustrating because only a few chapter before there was a decent paragraph talking about consent. The translator warns if you want to skip (and I don’t think it would affect the story much if at all).

Translator puts the rating at NC-17, which for me brings to mind Explicit on ao3. I would say it is more Mature, for both the sexual situations (though no “on screen” sex) and for the levels violence shown. The translator lists: “swearing, violence, murder, animal death, fantasy drug usage, alluded-to sex”. I’d add specifically: some scenes of torture, along with what I listed above in regards to ableism, homophobia, sexism, and consent.

In summary: I really enjoyed it, despite the flaws it has. The majority of the story and the romance between the characters is wonderful and compelling and I’d recommend giving it a read!

[darnloveablecharacters]

Prove Me Wrong, Part Nineteen: Fear

Series Summary:  Caithwistë, born from the only known pairing of an elf and a dwarf has spent most of her life in hiding. When an old friend, (or a certain meddling wizard) finds her in the woods, everything changes. Now, she will have the chance to prove the world wrong about her value. A ‘The Hobbit’ fanfiction based off of the following imagines from @imaginexhobbit: This One is the basis of the story, and This One and This One will be added in later. If you recognize it, it belongs to Professor Tolkien or Peter Jackson. But, as usual, the story and all of the mistakes are my own!

Prove Me Wrong - Masterlist

Chapter Notes: This was legitimately the hardest chapter for me to get right. Good lord so much happens here. I’ve re-written it so many dang times and I know I’ve said this before, but I hope I was right with the decision that this was the best version. Also, I’ve discovered how to make my  own gifs, YAY!

Warnings for this chapter: violence, death, fluff if you squint a bit - basically the same as the last one

Tagged: @imaginesreblogged @chevycastiel1967 @rices4me93​ If you want to be added just let me know!

Caithwistë squeezed her eyes shut against the sound of the Company’s screams. She was pressed between Thorin and Dwalin as the bridge tumbled down the crevasse, creating an avalanche of rock and splintered wood in its wake. Together, they shielded her from the flying debris until they were jolted forward violently and Dwalin was forced off her. Her eyes snapped open and she saw him tightly gripping the edge of the bridge, barely stopping himself from tumbling over. “Dwalin!” She screamed, reaching out to him. She felt Thorin tighten his hold on her just as she managed to grasp Dwalin’s wrist. She could feel that they were slowing down and braved a glance behind her. They were caught between two walls now and she could only pray that the fall was nearly over.

With a final crash, the bridge came to an abrupt halt. The impact forced Caithwistë out of Thorin’s arms and off the bridge. With a groan, she pushed herself to her feet brushing the debris off that had covered her. She looked to the bridge and let out a relieved breath at the sight of the Company, bruised but alive.

“Well that could have been worse.” Bofur said, right before the corpse of the Great Goblin crashed into the bridge. The Company groaned in unison with the additional weight on the destroyed bridge crushing them.

“You’ve got to be joking me.” Dwalin growled.

Caithwistë smiled affectionately at the rough dwarf and rushed forward to help them out of the rubble. She was pulling Bombur to his feet when Kili suddenly yelled, “Gandalf?!” Her eyes shot to him then followed his gaze up the cavern and she sucked in a breath at the sight. Hundreds of goblins were now scuttling down the walls quickly, headed straight for them.

“There’s too many, we can’t fight them.” She heard Dwalin say as she moved forward to pull Glóin out of the wreckage.

“Only one thing will save us. Daylight! Come on!” Mithrandir called out.

The rest of the Company was quickly freed from the confines of the bridge and they ran through the first opening they could find. It wasn’t long before sunlight came into view, and Caithwistë couldn’t help the smile forming on her lips at the near freedom.

“Gollum”.

Caithwistë stopped in her tracks. She was certain that she had heard someone calling out in agony but couldn’t place the voice. She was not given time to process what she heard though, as she was pushed forward by Bombur. “Keep going, Miss Caithwistë.” He said breathlessly and she quickened her pace again pushing the thought from her mind.

Finally, they burst out of the caves into the sunlight and she took in a deep breath of the fresh air. The comforting feeling of their freedom gave her a new burst of energy as Company continued their retreat, wanting to distance themselves from the caves as much as possible before the sun set. It was not until the sun began to dip below the horizon that they finally stopped.

Caithwistë took a moment to catch her breath and turned to Thorin. “Lost your way again, did you?” She said with a smirk.

Thorin rolled his eyes and shoved her playfully, making her giggle.

“Where’s Bilbo? Where is our hobbit?”

Caithwistë’s gaze snapped back to Mithrandir who was glancing around at the Company uncertainly. She peered at the gathering, confirming he was not there and felt sick. How could she have not noticed he wasn’t with them?

“Where is our hobbit?” Mithrandir demanded again when there was no answer.

“Curse that Halfling! Now he’s lost? I thought he was with Dori!” Glóin growled.

“Don’t blame me!” Dori protested.

Mithrandir stalked toward him. “And where did you last see him?” He asked forcefully.

It was Bifur that answered. “I think I saw him slip away when they first collared us.”

Caithwistë sighed in relief. Perhaps Bilbo was safe.

Mithrandir turned to Bifur. “What happened exactly? Tell me!”

“I’ll tell you what happened.” Thorin said, stepping forward angrily. “Master Baggins saw his chance and he took it! He’s thought of nothing but his soft bed and his warm hearth since first he stepped out of his door. We will not be seeing our hobbit again. He is long gone.”

“No, he isn’t.” Bilbo’s said, appearing as if out of nowhere behind them.

“Bilbo!” Caithwistë cried with tears in her eyes. She jumped forward and pulled him into a fierce hug that briefly startled him. He chuckled and patted her back comfortingly.

“Bilbo Baggins. I’ve never been so glad to see anyone in my life.” Mithrandir said cheerfully when Caithwistë released him.

“Bilbo, we’d given you up!” Kili exclaimed with a wide grin.

“How on earth did you get past the goblins?” Fili asked curiously.

“How indeed?” Dwalin asked, watching Bilbo suspiciously.

Bilbo laughed nervously and Caithwistë saw a glint of gold as he stuffed something in his pocket. She glanced at Mithrandir nervously and saw a flash of fear cross his eyes. He had seen it too. “Oh, what does it matter? He’s back.” He said, quickly recovering.

“It matters.” Thorin said, narrowing his eyes at Bilbo and Caithwistë braced herself for the worst. “I want to know. Why did you come back?” He asked softly.

Bilbo regarded him uncertainly before answering. “Look, I know you doubt me. I know…I know you always have. And you’re right, I often think of Bag End.” He said with a shrug. “I miss my books, and my arm chair, and my garden. See, that’s where I belong. That’s home. And that’s why I came back, cause…you don’t have one. A home.” He glanced at the Company, finally stopping at Caithwistë who was watching him with glassy eyes. “None of you do.” He said, and she nodded sadly before he turned back to Thorin. “It was taken from you, but I will help you take it back if I can.”

Caithwistë was speechless as she watched Bilbo smile fondly at the Company. He had already come such a long way. From a flustered hobbit worrying about his lack of handkerchief to a strong friend who would risk his life to help them find their place in the world. She didn’t think she could ever feel more pride than what she felt in that moment. She glanced at Thorin who was now looking at Bilbo appreciatively. It was the first time she had ever seen him regard the hobbit with anything other than disdain.

The moment of peace was tender but unfortunately could not last. Caithwistë tensed when the sound of growling reached her ears. She turned uncertainly back toward the mountain just before a loud howl cut through the silence, setting the Company on high alert.

“Out of the frying pan.” Thorin growled.

“And into the fire, run. RUN!” Mithrandir called.

Caithwistë grabbed the stunned Bilbo’s hand and pulled him down the rocky slope as the Company scattered. She could hear heavy paws hitting the ground as the pack rapidly gained on them. Releasing her grip on Bilbo she turned, drawing her bow, and killed the first warg just as it came into view. As soon as it dropped, another was quickly in its place and she was forced to dive out of the way when it leapt at her. She rolled to her feet with another arrow drawn but the warg had not turned to her as she thought it would, it was headed for Bilbo instead. She released the arrow but aimed too high, barely missing just as Bilbo and the warg disappeared behind an outcropping.

“Bilbo?!” She screamed, running to the spot where they were hidden. She drew Emel-o Orcrist as she rounded the corner and breathed a sigh of relief. Bilbo was alive, trying to pull his blade out of the now dead warg’s head. She rushed to him to help. “Come on Bilbo, we have to move.” She pleaded as they finally wrenched the blade free. He nodded and they ran to toward where the Company was now scrambling into the trees.

They reached it just in time, Caithwistë pulling Bilbo onto a branch as the wargs snapped at his heels. “That was too close.” He muttered.

Caithwistë nodded silently, watching the pack circle underneath the branches. Her arrows would be no good here, there were simply too many. Suddenly the snarling stopped and the wargs turned back, watching as their leader approached.

Caithwistë froze, gripping the trunk of the tree tightly as the white warg and her rider climbed up on a nearby outcropping. She felt ice in her veins, and it became difficult for her to breathe as the memories of Moria began flooding through her at the sight of him.

Azog, the Defiler sat triumphantly on his mount, focusing directly on Thorin. He took a deep breath and leaned forward, stroking his warg gently with a deadly looking claw that had replaced his severed hand. “Do you smell it? The scent of fear? I remember your father reeked of it, Thorin son of Thrain.”

Caithwistë trembled violently as Azog’s eyes moved across the Company, finally resting on her. He smiled menacingly. “You. You should be dead and yet, here you are. I will enjoy having my favorite toy back after I kill these dwarves.” He said with a cruel laugh.

Caithwistë felt someone grip her hand tightly, but she couldn’t tear her fearful gaze away from the Pale Orc.

“Those are mine.” Azog called out, gesturing to Thorin and Caithwistë. “Kill the others!”

The tree shook as the Wargs violently rammed against it but she was still frozen in her spot. “Caithwistë!” Bilbo yelled, shaking her. She glanced at him, eyes wide with fear and he tightened his grip on her. How long had he been calling to her? “We’re going to have to jump!” He exclaimed, pleading with her to come back to the present.

Caithwistë visibly shook herself at his words and nodded. She noticed the relief flash in Bilbo’s eyes as the tree began to fall. He pulled her with him, jumping to the next tree. She landed agilely onto the branch, regaining a bit of herself but Bilbo slipped, and she dove down to grab his arm. She quickly pulled him back onto the branch before that tree fell as well and they were forced to jump again.

They were now in the last tree at the edge of the cliff with nowhere to run. She had no choice then but to draw her bow and try to protect the Company as long as she could. Before she was able to shoot though, a ball of flame was thrown from above her driving the wargs back. She released the tension on the bow and looked up as Mithrandir began lighting more pinecones and tossing them down to the dwarves. They used them to light even more pinecones and were quickly able to create a defensive ring of fire between them and the pack.

The Company cheered as the wargs retreated but were abruptly silenced when the tree shook and began to fall. The descent of the tree halted when it was level with the cliff, the jolt making Caithwistë lose her grip on the branch. Her fall was abruptly stopped, and she glanced up in surprise to see Thorin gripping her arm tightly. “Unalê, do not let go.” He commanded with wide eyes.

Caithwistë nodded and he pulled her up just enough so she could cling on to a branch and push herself back onto the trunk of the tree. Thorin let out a breath and nodded at her but his expression darkened, and he turned back to the pack. “Thorin?” She asked as he released his grip on her and stood. He stepped off the tree with his sword drawn, moving in for the attack. “Thorin, don’t!” She pleaded as he began to run through the flames.

He couldn’t hear her, to him there was only Azog now.

Caithwistë scrambled to her feet and watched in horror as Thorin burst through the flame and Azog’s warg leapt at him, knocking him on his back. He had barely managed to climb back to his feet when Azog charged him again, dealing a fierce blow to his head with his mace but they still weren’t finished. Caithwistë gasped at the sound of Thorin’s scream as the warg picked him up and bit down, hard. Even clenched in the wargs jaws, Thorin managed to slash at her nose and she reflexively threw him toward the edge of the cliff.

Caithwistë blanched when the screaming stopped. A new feeling of pain ripped through her when Thorin hit the ground and did not move.

Caithwistë trembled at the sight. She no longer shook with fear though. Instead, she was consumed by a fierce rage that she hadn’t felt since the death of her father. She drew her sword and swiftly charged forward; sight set on Azog. “Bring me his head.” He was saying, and another orc moved forward with its blade drawn. Shifting her focus to protect Thorin again, she let out a guttural scream as she approached and swung her sword in a deadly arc, beheading the orc as it had raised its own blade.

The orc fell, and she backed up to Thorin with her blade raised, glaring at Azog. “You will not touch him.” She growled.

“So be it, kill her then.” Azog said dismissively.

Caithwistë braced herself for the attack as three more mounted orcs moved toward her, but they were all surprised when a chorus of battle cries sounded out and the Company joined the fray in a fierce attack, led by none other than Bilbo.

Caithwistë only had eyes for Azog though. As they pushed the other orcs away, she dashed forward with a savage swing of her sword and managed to knock the mace out of the distracted Orcs hand. She turned to attack again, but Azog swung at her with his clenched fist catching her the jaw and knocked her to the ground. Dazed from the blow, she tried to climb to her feet but failed as the warg turned to her for the kill.

That was when she heard the first call of the eagles. She fell back and watched in awe as they swooped in, catching the mounted orcs off-guard. The moved in quickly, picking them off a few at a time and tossing them over the edge.

Azog was fully focused on the eagles, and Caithwistë took advantage of the distraction. She pushed herself to her feet and ran to Thorin. “Thorin?” She called to him, stroking his cheek lightly. He was unconscious but breathing which gave her a moment of relief until she realized how labored it was. She shook him lightly, but he did not respond. “Thorin, wake up. You must get up, the eagles are here. They can help.” She shook him again and he still did not respond. “Thorin please, you cannot leave me. Not now.” She begged with tears forming in her eyes.

An eagle landed next to her and she gripped Thorin tighter when it reached out to pick him up. “Let go child, I will not harm him.” The eagle said calmly. Caithwistë looked up at it and it regarded her solemnly. She took a deep breath and nodded, releasing Thorin so it could move him. The eagle wrapped its talons around Thorin gingerly, taking great care to not cut him. “Jump young one, we will catch you.”

Caithwistë nodded again and watched the eagle fly away with Thorin cradled in its talons for a moment, then remembered where she was. She looked back and sent a final glare to the enraged Azog. He roared at her, angered at the loss of his trophy. She sneered at him with her own feeling of triumph before jumping off the cliff onto the back of another great eagle.

As the Company was carried to safety, she made a promise to herself that the next time she met Azog, it would be the last.

Translations: Unalê - My tracker (khuzdul)

yeah yeah, I know I got lazy with the black speech on this one but just so y'all know.... I actually had it all translated but thought for the reading sake, we'll just throw it in italics and call it a day lol.

Authors Note: I’m really sorry for taking Thorin’s rescue away from Bilbo, but helping Caithwistë is just as good, right? Sorry Bagginshield fam, but we all know that moment is crucial for the developing relationship.

[mrssarablack]

I’ve been quiet.

I realize this. I’ve become painfully aware of my lack of voice in regards to activism or hot takes on the news. For the duration of June I stuck to activists posts and news, which has never been a thing I’m super vocal about on this page. I just happened to move my content over at either the exact right time to facilitate the shift of content, or the exact wrong time to keep to my regular scheduled programming running. Either way, I’m not sorry. Nor do I expect I’ll be able to keep my mouth (or rather my keyboard) shut long when things feel overwhelmingly outrageous in the real world. 

My intent going into the month was to back off a little on the political posts and take back the “safe space” I have here for cultivated fun in what is usually a very chaotic day to day life. I would continue the activism but perhaps less so on here. That’s not to say I wouldn’t actively be doing other things. I’m not yielding my support by any means.�� I had intended to take this month to mostly focus my support of the BLM community through prioritizing putting my money where my mouth was failing to find words. Shifting from broad political posts about the injustices to instead turning it towards better educating myself, actually getting through the large stack of books I intend to get through, prioritizing purchasing items from black owned businesses where it makes sense to, donating to the charities and organizations that I can. This is the quiet work that is also necessary for good allyship. But then I found myself wrestling with the growing feeling that quiet can lead to appearance that whatever I was presenting in June was instead a performative allyship.

That’s hardly the case at all.

At the end of June I made a joke about trying to mentally prepare myself for whatever July 2020 had in store for us. I was not prepared. 

I met the reality of July 2020 four days later, like so many of us, and I was not even close to prepared for what was coming and I froze in the wake of it. I was not prepared to watch snippets of the Orange Man’s speech at Rushmore. The speech, that without even dicing his words was a hate speech. It was a proclamation, of sorts, against the citizens who were, and are still are, actively protesting for the BLM movement throughout the country. It was a formal declaration of “us vs them” in a way he has not actually done before. The intent is always there, his supporters will forever deny it, but it is. His own history shows he has always been a racist. That this man cares more for tributes, than the people he is meant to govern. Meanwhile, Native protesters were yelled at, by Trump supporters, to “go back to where they came from.” In the wake of this speech and the juxtaposition of it being given on stolen lands while the people who see them as sacred were accosted... I found very little to be proud of on July 4th. 

By the time I processed that moment, we had sped straight into ICE declaring that they would not extend the rule allowing foreign students to continue their education here because of the mandate against online learning. This rule makes sense, if we weren’t in the middle of a pandemic. But we are. 

Everything about this decision was cruel and xenophobic. It didn’t make sense economically, considering how much money Universities get in tuition from their foreign students. It didn’t make sense logistically, when so many students wouldn’t be able to get back home. Our immigration centers are already a fucking mess, but that’s a deep dive for another time. All it was, was an attempt to strong arm schools into accepting the administration's stance that Covid-19 is fully under control and that everything should go back to normal. It is the same reason they are threatening to cut funding for public educational institutions if they do not open completely in the fall. Yeah, kids at school is a far more ideal scenario than online classes, but not at the risk of their or their teachers' lives. The schools see that. The administration doesn’t. They don’t care. They simply want to force their narrative in whatever way they can. 

Upon a lawsuit, they walked back their proclamation of denying foreign students their education but, from what I have seen, there are still a lot of things up in the air. From accounts I’ve read on reddit the administration may choose to apply the former ruling to  first year students who may have invested in a future they now won’t get. They may deny foreigners the right to apply to after graduation work programs that formerly they were allowed to be in provided they had the right visas. If they did this they will claim it is to provide american’s the best chance at new work first. America first is ringing through this whole thing, and millions are left wondering how this is all going to actually pan out. 

Let me reiterate now the fact that we are still in the middle of a pandemic. This is a fact. A fact that the administration wants to deny till every last one of us has encountered this illness personally. The Orange Man is actively swatting Fauci away like he is nothing more than an annoying fly. He doesn’t like the “doom and gloom” truth of this virus so he denies it. He is actively pushing to block new money for further testing and tracing for the CDC because he doesn’t “like the numbers”. The CDC no longer has control of collecting patient data to help track covid-19. Something that has been used so that people in authoritative positions can make adequate decisions in regards to the virus. Less information will lead to more spread. Florida is now the new epicenter and the sunbelt, as a whole, looks bad. Things are not good and we’re still fighting with fellow citizens who don’t want to wear a mask. A simple act to help protect others is a political stance. I don’t understand it, and I’m not going to pretend or even try to. It’s not a hoax. The virus is real and it is deadly. Even those that recover from it have had lasting damage to their lungs among other side effects. 

But I digress, instead I will now get to the reason that brought me to this very long political monologue: in Portland, Federal agents fired tear gas on protesters after declaring it a riot. This is not the first time this has happened and it won’t be the last. Allegedly, these federal agents are part of the customs and border protection agency, and they also took protesters up into unmarked vans and detained them. Citizens who are executing their right to protest were kidnapped by federal agents. Think about that. This is why the declaration of ANTIFA being a terrorist group was a bad omen. They are not a membership based organization, they don’t have meetings, they just kind of are... and that fact alone can be exploited. Anyone can potentially be dubbed ANTIFA if a federal agent deems them acting radically in the eyes of this administration. 

This is the roots of fascism in America. It is masquerading as nationalism and to some degree that's legitimate but the effects of those beliefs are becoming a thin facade for the other.

It’s almost undeniable at this point. This is the reason I started with the beginning of this month because between the hate speech, the stances that support racism, the xenophobic decisions, the active statement that there is no problem with the virus, and now kidnapping citizens are all part of a fascist playbook. Speaking out against a dictatorship is a death sentence. But a dictatorship is anti-American. If you believe in the idyllic America we were taught exists. I am not sure that America has ever fully existed.... but maybe somewhere she does, but, oh, is she flawed… but that’s okay because admitting to those flaws can lead to growth. Owning all of our past will lead to growth. But denial, denial leads us down a path to losing ourselves. 

My boyfriend is right, I’m a fighter. I will get up and I will fight even if there are tears in my eyes. But that doesn’t mean I am not tired. I find myself so heartbroken over the events of the last two months that I fail to have words to express the effect of keeping my eyes open to the world actually has on me. One thing I have figured out is despite what the president says, I don’t hate my country. I am part of the left, yes, but I love it. I can say that because I wouldn’t be so upset about all that is going on if I didn’t. I realize there are fellow citizens who wholeheartedly disagree with me, and they would also claim they love the country, but to me their fear of change says more about them than they realize. They don’t want to accept ugly truths and grow. It’s an oversimplification but here we are.  Everything is so polarized. We are divided. I’ve said this before but I’m not sure something isn’t going to break spectacularly before November, during, or shortly after. Regardless, a new normal is being forged and I do not accept it. I will not accept it. I will fight it, and I hope whoever takes the time to read this ridiculously long post will too. 

[lightcomingthroughthedarkness]

I don’t understand how people can be so heartless to Bob regarding social media. I frequently take break from instagram and have deleted my FB and twitter accounts entirely, and that’s WITHOUT being attacked how he is. I can’t look at his mentions without feeling ill, and they aren’t even directed at me! People are so cruel. The relative anonymity and instant access of social media, when in the wrong hands, has in many ways made us poorer society.

I remember in the 90s, when I think, The West Wing did an episode about internet, anonymity and how the internet was going to be the thing that would change people's right to privacy up to the point of it becoming an issue in society that would change the way the world operates. Something along those lines. And we see it today. How the internet has changed literally every single aspect of human life. It allows people to contact whoever they want, say whatever they want, do whatever they want, treat anyone however they want and we never have to deal with the consequences. We leave that up to the person we targeted. Social media is also one of the leading causes of increased mental health issues. Not social media in and of itself, but what social media represents and what it allows us to do with it and how people choose to use it. Bob said it very well and he tweeted "Social media oft shows us the ideal life. Making us feel isolated, inadequate."

People feel hurt and angry because of the death of a fictional character. They've latched on to her, felt seen by her, felt represented and validated. It was a good thing, what that character meant to fans. A beautiful thing for people to experience. Representation matters. When she was taken from them, anyone who they felt stood in the way of them or who had a hand in her (fictional) death, became the enemy. Jason of course the biggest one. Bellamy for being the character who threatened CL because it meant Clarke would move on some day and not only would it be with a man, it'd be with the character who they saw was Lxa's opponent. So not only did Bob play Bellamy but from time to time, he'd express an opinion and if it was interpreted as "anti Lxa" in ANY way, then he too was the enemy. So now, people would "joke" about not only Bellamy but about Bob too. Though they weren't jokes. They were racist comments. They were disgusting attacks. I'm sure it wasn't even rational in their heads but they found excuses to rationalize them as "logic". "Oh, he said a problematic thing so he is x, y and z". "If Bob felt that way about a fictional storyline, that means he's an abusive asshole who hates women because he must then view the world the same way in real life." And so on and so on... First the fictional character they loved was killed. Then as the show went on, the male opponent started to become an even bigger threath, because now it seems like maybe he's gonna take the place only their fictional charcater should have. The hate, the attack, the ridicule of the male lead become MORE cruel. But, in a desperate attempt to have some control, even just a little, they start anti shipping. Because if they can show Jason that they love this other storyline, then they don't have to lose it all. They can still keep SOMETHING. Clarke alone. Clarke never moving on. Clarke mourning Lxa forever. Clarke ending up dead with Lxa. Their endgame in the afterlife would be better than any other outcome where Clarke gets to live outside of Lxa/CL. Because of Clarke lives and loves again, then what did Lxa mean? Why did they still hold on and mourn Lxa if Clarke doesn't? Their pain would then be dismissed and CL would be invalidated. And fandom wank continued..

But they still had Eliza. Who was their captain. Who was on THEIR team, right. She would never disappoint them and her choices in life would never go against L and CL. Surely, if Eliza was THEIR captain, she then must live her real life in a similar way as her opinions about a fictional storyline, right".

Turns out. Bob and Eliza are real people. With real lives. With their own shit going on. Suddenly we find out, Bob and Eliza are in love. They are married. Happy. They have had real lives all along. They've made a decision to spend their lives together.. and suddenly it's another loss. How can Eliza be this person? How did they misjudge her so badly? How did she, THEIR captain, fall in love with the man who not only plays Lxa's opponent but the man who, in their eyes, was anti Lxa too? It all keeps slipping through their fingers. What are they allowed to keep? What is left for them to latch on to? What can make them still feel validated? They lost their fictional character. They lost their ship. They lost the actress who was their captain. And in all of this, the thing they hate the most is instead validated. Bellamy and Bellarke are validated. It's like a sport. The other team "won". The anxiety, their inner turmoil and the anger they feel, needs to explode somewhere. Who is to blame for the emotional chaos they feel? What could they possibly hold on to, to make them feel validated EVEN JUST A LITTLE BIT? They find reasons. Bob is an abuser and a cheater. Eliza is a lying and ungrateful person, who only used them for her self gain. They are bad people. If they are bad, then they deserve each other and the only ones they can trust now, are themselves and the people who are their victims. ADC was cheated on by an ex. She is a victim now, because she would never support this relationship. She is the only angel. Arryn becomes the personified feeling they are carrying now. Hurt. Betrayed. The victim. Without knowing anything about these people's lives, this person was mistreated, like they were with the news, so the vicious attacks are now justified. The vicious rumors on social media become the truth. It adds to their suspicions. Bob and Eliza are OBVIOUSLY bad people, so the rumors must be true. And if they are bad, then they need to be called out and they need to be cancelled. The fans have the moral high ground and they are the keepers of truth. They now have the right to attack. To spread these rumors because it feeds their perceived idea of what the truth is. It gives them control back. Some validation. That they are not in the wrong. They have not lost everything they had latched onto. They haven't "lost" anything. Bob and Eliza have been exposed.

And social media allows them to do this. To wage war. To express their emotional chaos in a "safe" way. On the internet. Anonymously. They can be seen without ever giving up their privacy. Because no one knows who they are or what they look like. They don't have to hold in their feelings or DEAL with them at all. But Bob is the one who pays the consequences. He receives their emotional chaos. He is not only to blame for their pain but he is also responsible for what happens to it. He gets to carry their hurt and betrayal because they can't deal with their overwhelming anxiety. And if he deactivates, then he is running from the truth. He is weak. Obviously there is truth to the rumors. If he doesn't deactives but continues on as usual, then he is an asshole who doesn't care about the well-being of others. Surely, he must understand that he is the cause to their pain, so he must be destroyed and cancelled.

That's why they do all of this. It has nothing to do with Bob. They don't even know him. It has everything to do with themselves. Because everything I've just written has nothing to do with the real human being that is Bob Morley. Or Eliza Taylor. None of this is about them. At all. It is about these people on social media who use anonymity to express their inner chaos. Because if they don't put the responsibility on Bob or Eliza, then they have to face their own pain and insecurities. It's easier to blame someone else. So they do. And the one who carries all of this on their shoulders, is Bob. And Eliza. They can never win because whatever action they take, the people on the internet will make it about them. And their privacy is never theirs. Because no matter what they do or don't do, it's an personal attack to the anonymous people on the internet.

[marshmallowgoop]

Doing yearly writing reviews isn’t really a thing. But once you start doing ‘em, it doesn’t feel right to stop, you know?

Seeing progress in other arts is of course a lot easier than seeing progress in writing, but I think there is some forward movement for me, especially when I also consider my compilations from 2017 and 2018.

In regards to 2019, I’ve selected various kinds of writing for this post: analytical essays, opinion pieces, news articles, creative fiction, and maybe some works that can’t be categorized so easily, too. It was a very difficult year on many fronts; I dealt with job struggles, financial insecurity, destroyed relationships, medical hardships, seemingly endless cyberstalking and online harassment. 

But there were good things, too. New friendships. New passions. New outlooks. I feel like I’ve learned and grown a lot more in these past couple of months than I have in a long, long time.

The end of 2019 is more than just the end of one year. It’s also the end of a decade. But I think the best advice I’ve received all decade comes from this year:

✄ Sometimes, you have to say yes to saying no.

✄ If you can’t do something well, do something poorly!

✄ The best option may be to simply not engage.

✄ You don’t have to apologize for disappointing others.

✄ Your worth isn’t measured by how much you “accomplish.”

✄ You have rights: the right to have your needs and wants respected, the right to make mistakes, the right to determine your own priorities, the right to not be responsible for the actions or problems of others, the right to express yourself, the right to be human. It’s not selfish or narcissistic to stand up for your rights.

And, since it is the end of the decade and all, here’s also a comparison between one nerdy fandom essay from August 2010 and another from August 2019:

2010 (with added spaces because yes, this really was just a huge block of text originally):

Also, in my own opinion, nobody really gave a damn for Xion all that much save for Roxas. I mean, yeah, Axel cared a little, but in the end, he got totally mad at her, got mad any time she was mentioned, got mad whenever Roxas worried about her, got mad when she showed up at the clock tower. She was his friend, yeah, and he didn’t want her to go, but in the end, he would have chosen Roxas above her anytime.

The other “mean villains” didn’t really care. Luxord didn’t care, Demyx didn’t care, Xaldin got exasperated once at her, but overall didn’t care, Xigbar didn’t care, Xemnas outright said he didn’t care, Saix was rather cruel to her, but really, in the end, he didn’t give a damn for her. The others weren’t around long enough to have an impression on her. I think even Riku didn’t really care all that much for her, in all honesty. He just wanted his best friend back.  

Also, you have to keep in mind that we played the game through Roxas’ perspective, and it’s in my personal belief that he fell in love with Xion. And if you’re in love with someone, when she gets into a coma, or goes missing, or ignores you, you’re gonna be upset, and talk about it. So Roxas did. 

But you know, he doesn’t actually do a lot of it until the end of the game. Before that, it’s all about the THREE of them. He loves his friends (even if he doesn’t know it), and he wants them to be together forever, but when Xion goes missing or whatnot and they can’t ALL have ice cream together, he gets upset.

2019: 

I’ve written more on the subject here, but to keep it short, Ryuko only tries to take Nui’s life when she’s convinced herself that she’s a monster, and her development is less about her becoming less okay with killing people and more about how she won’t let her anger and rage control her. What makes Ryuko’s attitude so different in the end isn’t that she’s reconsidered her thoughts on murder but that she’s composed. Come episode 22, Ryuko ain’t saying that she’s gonna kill anyone to sound tough or to intimidate. She keeps her cool even against her worst enemies.

But that’s just what I think! Maybe I’ve interpreted the character all wrong. But Ryuko’s freak-out after she goes berserk and hurts others in episode 12, her devotion to defending even people she’s just met… I just struggle to see her as someone who’s actually a-okay with killing. The fact that Ryuko’s perfect fantasy in episode 20 depicts her as a sweet girl without any of the violent tendencies that she has in reality also points this way; not to mention, Ryuko outright admits that her picking fights and causing trouble are bad things when remarking on her childhood in episode 8.

And Ryuko? She doesn’t want to be bad. All the poor girl’s ever wanted is love, and I can’t imagine she’d ever think that getting angry and killing people would get her a lot of that.

Progress may be slow, but it does happen.

At least, I think so.

Image Texts

January 2019

And personally? I find that sweetness just absolutely, utterly charming. When I understood what the rap was trying to communicate, I couldn’t imagine listening to the song without it. Heck, even before I understood, I found the “without rap” edits empty and barren. No matter how “silly” the lyrics might come off, the unabashed cheese is fantastic. The rap section that I was once “meh” about legitimately became my favorite part of the song.

Plus, I really can’t stress enough how sad the song is when it’s purely Ryuko. The official [nZk] remix replaces Senketsu’s rap with a reprise of Ryuko’s first verse, which recounts how she and Senketsu met. And it’s tragic! She says, “But I’m all alone,” and she is. Senketsu isn’t singing with her, no matter her claim that she can hear his voice. Considering what happens to Senketsu in the end, his absence in the song hits even harder.

Full post: https://marshmallowgoop.tumblr.com/post/182361051017/oomoj-marshmallowgoop-the-rap-is-good

February 2019

The focus then shifts away from Ragyo, but Kill la Kill ain’t at all done with building the audience up yet. As the scene moves to the following day, viewers are met with quick, close-up shots of Uzu’s note to Ryuko, timed right to the beat of “Blumenkranz.” Uzu wants to duel, and we soon get to see his full request in an engaging low-angle shot where Ryuko looks up to this sign looming over her. The weight and gravity of the situation is effectively conveyed: the smooth transition from Ragyo to here, as well as the music and shot composition, let us know in no indirect terms that this fight isn’t something to be brushed off. Uzu’s duel is a big deal, and it’s very much connected to Ragyo’s expansive empire.

And the tension just keeps growing. Ryuko’s reaction to Uzu’s note is presented with a dramatic canted, high-angle shot. The camera—which is just slightly tilted—peers down at both Ryuko and the sign, communicating a sense of danger and unease. Viewers already know that the upcoming battle is important, but here, we also understand that it’s not going to be easy.

Full post: https://marshmallowgoop.tumblr.com/post/182841724817/all-the-discussion-around-episode-6-of-kill-la

March 2019

Kill la Kill the Game: IF is currently being featured at the 2019 Game Developers Conference that runs until March 22nd in San Francisco, and a flurry of new gameplay videos are now available for viewing. Notably, these videos feature full English subtitles for the character dialogue for the first time since EVO 2018 last year and never-before-seen stages, such as what seems to be the Fiber Castle in the Kiryuin Manor.

Full post: https://marshmallowgoop.tumblr.com/post/183766224117/kill-la-kill-the-game-if-gameplay-footage-from

April 2019

I mean, Kill la Kill ended over five years ago now. There’s been fairly minimal new content ever since—an OVA in September of 2014, a few pieces of merchandise here and there, a small crossover with Grand Summoners last year. And then, not even 11 months ago, out of seemingly nowhere, there was confirmation for a full-blown Kill la Kill video game. That we now know will be released in just 14 weeks!

Lots of jokes were made about the announcement for a game so many years after the series finale, but, like, seriously, as a longtime Kill la Kill fan, it’s hard to wrap my head around. Ever since the show ended, I’ve dedicated over half a million words to writing about it, spent tens of thousands of yen on books and Blu-rays and CDs, devoted nearly 60 GB to my own GIFs and edits. I’ve loved this thing to death. I’ve always found more and more that I want to write and create from this series, but I never really imagined nor expected that we’d ever get much more official content from the original creators themselves. And now we are getting so much more, and???

Full post: https://marshmallowgoop.tumblr.com/post/184228103137/kill-la-kill-the-game-if-releases-on-july-25th-in

May 2019

Kiznaiver: Oh, I was so excited to love this show! I was lucky enough to see an advanced screening of the first two episodes, and I was totally hooked. It was drop-dead gorgeous—and probably the prettiest series Trigger has ever put out—and I was very intrigued by the plot and characters. I remember just coming back to my hotel room at like 3:00 am after the premiere, utterly filled with excitement. I mean, Kiznaiver  was directed by Hiroshi Kobayashi, the episode director behind the two episodes that got me hooked on Kill la Kill (episodes 5 and 18)!

But… my excitement quickly died. The story tried to develop way too many characters in way too little time, and I never enjoyed the romantic pairing of Katsuhira and Noriko, finding it shallow, undeveloped, and nonsensical (in a bad way), which… kind of ruins a lot of the series when that’s arguably the heart of the whole thing.

Kiznaiver is still super, super pretty, though. That last episode’s animation got me shook.

Full post: https://marshmallowgoop.tumblr.com/post/184700944732/so-have-you-watched-the-other-stuff-studio-trigger

June 2019

I do recognize that many, many matters do not warrant conversation. I do recognize that the phrase “I’m just trying to have a conversation” can be—and has been—utilized as a means of directing criticism away from inflammatory, unacceptable, inhumane remarks. I in no way feel that hateful, discriminatory comments should be promoted.

Simultaneously, however, “conversation” should not automatically be a dirty word in the field of analyzing and seriously engaging with fiction, and thoughtful reactions should be supported and striven for. Nothing in fiction is ever black and white. There are so many nuances and complexities to the storybook realities of our media. I want commentators and critics of fiction to be passionate about listening, considering, and rethinking those nuances and complexities. Isn’t that why we do this work at all? To share our own point of view and open ourselves up to others?

Full post: https://marshmallowgoop.tumblr.com/post/185289615202/we-need-to-change-the-way-we-seriously-discuss

July 2019

Initially, I was really bummed by this lack of development. But as I thought about things more, I… didn’t mind so much. If this dream or universe or whatever is something that Satsuki “experiences” before the events of the anime, of course she won’t grow as a character here. Maybe this game is kind of the Kill la Kill prequel I’ve been begging for for over half a decade.

And as much as I didn’t get anything, I thought the ending bits between Ryuko and Satsuki were so good.

Like, I suppose Ryuko’s absorbing the Life Fibers or something?? But wow, pretty.

And the part where they talk before Satsuki disappears? That’s my kinda anime bullshit. It’s the kinda anime bullshit I wanted from the OVA between Ryuko and Senketsu.

Full post: https://marshmallowgoop.tumblr.com/post/186648065467/goop-plays-kill-la-kill-the-game-if-satsuki

August 2019

That book, Log. 2, is a fan doujin from Kotaro Nakamori, who worked as an animator and animation director in Kill la Kill. There’s a bunch of assorted fanart in there, and I wouldn’t be at all surprised if Nakamori is a fan of Urusei Yatsura and wanted to make a little crossover between that series and Kill la Kill.

Personally, though, as someone not too familiar with Urusei Yatsura, I kinda just saw the image as oni-Satsuki (with oni being demon/ogre-like creatures in Japanese folklore). Oni are traditionally depicted wearing tiger skin loincloths, and Lum herself is definitely basically a space oni. So, I saw the cover and got super excited about oni-Satsuki because I love oni a lot, haha.

Fun fact: character designer Sushio has also drawn Kill la Kill characters as oni for setsubun, a celebration that’s held on the last day of winter (February 3rd). During setsubun, you might see folks dressed up like oni—who get beans thrown at them in an effort to bring in good luck and chase naughty demons away.

Full post: https://marshmallowgoop.tumblr.com/post/187228888187/do-i-see-satsuki-wearing-lums-outfit-in-your-last

September 2019

Though I don’t see it much anymore, I remember lots of comparisons between Ragyo and the villains of Saturday morning cartoons back in the day. She was described as a generic, two-dimensional “evilz for the sake of evilz” baddie and criticized for her simplicity.

And though I did admittedly agree to an extent—I craved a lot more depth and insight, particularly in regards to her haunting line about “still having something of a human heart” whilst brutally attacking her own daughter in the final episode—I also found Ragyo to be a remarkably compelling, powerful, and horrifying villain even without tons of backstory and explanation. Perhaps my write-up on her first scene in episode 6 best details why; this woman has such a presence, and the visual language of the series amplifies that presence spectacularly. Ragyo’s intimidating and scary without the audience even needing to know anything about her.

And… I’d say that’s a good villain. That’s exactly what a villain should do.

Full post: https://marshmallowgoop.tumblr.com/post/187987858537/on-ragyo-kiryuin

October 2019

And, though there are no visuals, so I can’t be sure if it’s an “Ocean of Light” or not, the fourth Drama CD also has the same kinda deal happening. In the CD—which takes place immediately after Ryuko learns the truth of her origins—Ryuko’s pain manifests as an explosion of light that knocks both her and Senketsu unconscious and pushes Senketsu away from her. The sound effect here is familiar, and I’m personally convinced that this is another “Ocean of Light” moment.

Which brings me to the “light” part of the terminology. Light is often associated with good, yes, but light is also associated with heat, and heat is associated with pain. In the Drama CD, Ryuko’s light is so hot that Nui even remarks that Senketsu “almost burned” from it, and when Mako embraces Ryuko after swimming through her “Ocean of Light” in episode 12, Ryuko’s touch scorches Mako’s skin.

I’ve already written an essay on the symbolic and narrative use of fire, warmth, and heat in Kill la Kill (that you should totally read because it’s actually maybe Kinda Good, Maybe), and relating to that, I see the “Ocean of Light” as a physical representation of Ryuko’s fiery spirit. That fire can be used for good, and that fire can also be painful, but no matter what, that fire is a part of Ryuko.

Full post: https://marshmallowgoop.tumblr.com/post/188247077227/i-always-wanted-some-explanation-you-are-smart

November 2019

She looks around her cottage. Her eyes find the walls and the furnishings. Her eyes find the scratched floors and stained wood. She does not voice it to the once-emperor, but she had never been able to remove the stains from the attack. Her son's blood has painted the brown wood red. It is a reminder of what she cannot remember. It is a reminder of the past she has forgotten.  

“This home feels so desperately lonely,” she admits. “I do not know who is missing. But it is not complete.”  

The man is quiet. He did not expect to find himself feeling sympathy for the woman's plight. Perhaps she is a fool, to have given her heart to a demon. But kindness ought not be punished, he thinks. Or has he grown so cold that he believes it should be?  

December 2019

🏀 Michiru and Shirou’s relationship may be the focus, but Nakashima emphasizes that Michiru’s relationship with Nazuna is also involved in the story in a big way.

🏀 Nakashima stresses the importance of depicting teen girls realistically. Two women screenwriters are on board: Kimiko Ueno and Nanami Higuchi. Both wrote for Little Witch Academia. Ueno also wrote for Space Patrol Luluco, and Higuchi was behind the production reports in Trigger Magazine (and, interestingly, wrote the script for the anime adaptation of BEASTARS).

🏀In regards to Michiru and Nazuna’s relationship, producer Naoko Tsutsumi (also an animation producer for Kiznaiver and Little Witch Academia) provides input as well. Nakashima says that they greatly value and take to heart the opinions of the women creators.

Full post: https://marshmallowgoop.tumblr.com/post/189928986922/otomedia-winter-2020-bna-brand-new-animal

[iamcinema]

IAC Reviews #010: Blood Lake (1987) [Retrospective #2]

"...I heard the voice of the fourth beast say, Come and see. And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him...“

Over the years, I’ve been scowering the Internet trying to find the worst of the worst when it comes to horror movies. I guess you can call me a glutton for punishment in that regard since some movies need to be seen to be believed, rather than looked into as an example of what bad filmmaking looks like. Whether it’s a problem with the acting, the writing, the technical specs, or all of the above, you know you’re in for a good [or horrible] time if it checks one or more of those boxes. When it comes to bad horror movie lists, not just shot on video ones, one film in particular seems to rule them all as it’s hailed as one of the worst movies of all time, if not the worst horror film ever made. This time around, I’m making an ill-fated return to the Oklahoma to talk about Tim Boggs’ lone directorial credit, Blood Lake.

________________________________________

Blood Lake tells the story about a group of friends who are being stalked by a mad man while on a weekend getaway trip at the lake. It’s not the most original concept out there, but hey, what else is new? It’s interesting that this is Boggs’ only attempt at being a filmmaker and the rest of his credits are attributed to being part of the sound department for notable films and shows like Lost Highway, Tales From the Crypt, Xena: Warrior Princess, The Sopranos, Breaking Bad, and Legion. That’s a hell of a resume, but that’s not what we’re here to really discuss.

I heard about the notority of this for years, and I decided to take the plunge with it nearly five years ago where I live reviewed it for Under the Morgue. Needless to say, I didn’t have fun with it and I don’t think I ever ripped into a film that hard up until that point. With the anniversary date of that review coming up, I thought it would be fair to do a retrospect on this to see if it really lives up to how genuinely atrocious I thought it was all those years ago.

Blood Lake in One Gif:

I think I need to lay down for this one. Do you know that feeling of nostalgia you get when you see, hear, or smell something that really takes you back to a better time? Well, whatever the antithisis to that is would describe the seething rage and horror I felt re-watching this.

________________________________________

While it’s true that some movies need to be witnessed to truly understand how bad they are, it’s also fair to say that some things shouldn’t be known by mere mortals - and this absolutely applies to films like Ax’Em and Blood Lake. They’re as cut-and-dry and boring as they are in premise, and a train wreck of a travesty in execution at that.

The quality from a technical standpoint is pretty damn atrocious, particularly during some of the nighttime shots since it can be hard to tell what’s going on and it feels like you’re squinting the whole time trying to tell what you’re looking at. The sound is just as bad, though sometimes it fairs better than the visuals, even if a good chunk of the time you can’t tell what the hell anyone is saying because they’re either too far from the mic to be picked up or it’s a dialogue problem with everyone mumbling, talking over each other, or fumbling over their lines. IMDB says the sound was shot with a single shotgun microphone, and yeah...it kind of shows.

C’mon. Look at this and tell me you can figure out what the fuck all is going on.

The writing feels almost non-existent as Boggs encouraged the actors to paraphrase the dialogue in their own words to I guess make it feel more natural. However, with how clumsy things are, it’s hard to really tell how much was ad-libbed or done by the actors themselves. The total direction and set-up with the pacing is absolute garbage and some of the worst I’ve ever seen, as it’s padded out with gratuitously long shots of them doing things like “extreme” sports on the water or a scene of them drinking at a table that goes on for close to ten minutes. It feels like the director left the camera on a tripod and accidentally filmed their lunch break. People have said this feels like a glorified home movie, and I get why. I’ve ripped on Las Vegas Bloodbath for how bad the filler was during its third act; as well as the opening dance sequences and the yo mama jokes in the opening of Ax’Em for needlessly dragging things out, or even the flashback sequences in Nick Millard’s films - even if they don’t exist within the canon of the story. Hell, Sledgehammer does this too by slowing down scenes in order to pad it out to a 60 minute runtime after being told it was too short.

When it comes to the characters, they aren’t anything special and are mostly forgettable. With this camp, I designated them to one of two sides of the field; boring and awful. All of them I’ve mostly shoved over on the boring side, as they never really do anything noteworthy or special, so I wouldn’t be able to tell you their names off the top of my head for the most part. However, some of the guys do teeter on being awful and annoying as hell, but one character in particular stayed on the shit teir side of the spectrum from start to finish - which would be Tony.

Oh, god. Tony....

This guy right here. This motherfucker made watching this the first time around feel like a total chore. But the second time around, and willingly so, it was like pulling teeth to get me to finish.

I don’t mind weird, perverted, sleazy dickheads who show up now and again, but Tony is a special case because his entire shtick is being a weird creep to the point of giving off rapey vibes with the other guys over how his goal at the end of the weekend is to conquer some girl he goes to school with. Bro, you’re like twelve, shut the fuck up. It’s beyond cringe. It’s insufferable, and prior to this, I said over on Under the Morgue that Alan from Return to Sleepaway Camp was the most unsympathetic “protagonist” I had ever seen. But now, compared to him and the majority of the characters from Await Further Instructions, I don’t know who is the most grating to sit through - and I spent most of my time on that review talking about how the zero level of characterization makes it so hard to watch. In that review, I said I can appreciate a scummy character if they have any sort of secondary personality trait that makes you love to hate them, or at least makes them tolerable. With Tony, he’s just an annoying, pervy brat who I guess is about as comedic and charming as a trench foot infection.

It’s pretty damn rare that I see a movie where I root for the villain(s) from start to finish because I can’t stand the majority, if not all of the characters. So, having to recall how many times I wished Tony would have drowned within the first fifteen minutes or had a joint stubbed out in his damn eye has proved to be more enjoyable than the entirety of this shit show, since the only tail he should have been chasing was the tailpipe of the damn car he arrived in. I was honestly surprised we didn’t get any Summer Camp Nightmare moments given how much of a creep the twerp is, and I still am now.

The fact that this is called a slasher film feels like a cruel joke, since after the opening kill, the next murder doesn’t happen until close to the fifty minute mark in an 82 minute movie (78 minutes if you get rid of the credits). Plus, because of the abysmal quality, you can’t even see them clear enough to tell what’s happening. It’s so frustrating to feel like you’d get more out of the death scenes by closing your eyes the whole time. It’s up there with Ax’Em in terms of quality and how much it feels like they cheat you, which makes me wonder why bother at all if it’s possible you can’t even see what’s going on when you were editing the damn thing?

________________________________________ 

So, here we are at the dreaded moment where I close this off with how I’d rate this. Is it as bad as I remember it being? Yes, if not more so. I had to pause and walk away from it for a bit to cool off and do something else because it was so tedious sit through.

It just goes on, and on, and on, which was only made worse by obnoxious characters that were a total hassle to put up with who could have been reduced to Douchebag #1, Generic Girl #2, and Rattail Motherfucker #1 based on how little they actually did to make me want to remember their names - and the ones who did were the most insufferable of the lot that I couldn’t forget them even if I wanted to. There’s little to no actual blood and gore, and with the very little there was, it was completely wasted in scenes that you can’t see clearly which is a damn shame because one of the kills could have had a decent reveal if it was shot better.

If I had to say just one good thing about the film to be generous, not counting that it had some kind of a reachable end, it was the mediocre soundtrack supplied by the band Voyager. It’s not good at all, but hey, if you like cheesy 80s horror soundtracks, there’s that going for it...I guess. With all that being said, I never want to see this disaster ever again. I’m trying to wrap my head around how people genuinely like this, even in a so bad it’s good type of way, and I just don’t get it. This, for me, is arguably one of the worst horror movies I’ve ever seen, and probably ever will.

RATING: 0.5/10

[babyitsacrime]

1, 22, 23, and 43 for the OC asks.

First off, I apologize for my absolutely atrocious grammar here and also the fact that I just can’t seem to put things into words.

Secondly I wrote this in a different app and then copy pasted so the formatting is a little whack.

1. Your first OC ever?

Oh gosh this one is a little hard to answer. I think Natalia’s my first OC that I ever fully wrote well but me and my friends used to write a lot of stories/fanfiction in middle school so I have some characters from there too that might be older than Nat. Also there’s like three different versions of Nat (Quizup, Next Gen, and the Nat I have now) , and again the one I have right now is by far the most developed/closest to a whole character.

Okay but I talk about Nat a lot so even though I’m not sure which one actually came first I’ll talk about a character I had in the Homestuck fanfiction my friends and I wrote in middle school. (before you ask, yes it’s the 100 page one I’m pretty sure) (also I’m ignoring the self inserts me n my friends made for our other stories bc those don’t count as ocs and I refuse to accept them as characters dhdksjdjs) But basically she’s a troll named Ninmah Aurora. She was heavily based off of Kanaya Maryam, the iconic Homestuck vampire fashion designer lesbian character so that was interesting. And even though I didn’t actually write that much for her she’s one of my favorite characters because I had so much fun writing her with my friends. Anyways can’t believe I just exposed myself as a Homestuck stan on main but you know what it’s fine.

22. Is there any OC of yours that people tend to mischaracterize? If yes, how?

Okay there’s a couple and most of them are small things so I’ll just go by character.

Natalia -

let me just start by saying this: it still baffles me why y’all think she’s cool cshdjsj. She’s kinda a dumb bitch if I’m being honest. Like, don’t get me wrong, she’s super smart and could easily outwit me and honestly any of us, but she’s also plain stupid sometimes in other ways. But like, on the other side of the coin I feel like she almost doesn’t get taken seriously sometimes? I feel like that’s a little on me for usually making jokes at her expense but while she is clueless as to how people function she’s also not plain dumb. A lot of what she says and does is well calculated and even when she does something in the spur of the moment it’s always something logical to her. Hn I don’t know if I’m explaining this right but 🤷♀️. But basically she’s not really cool but also she’s not stupid. (Okay ig being good at Quidditch is pretty cool but that’s not my point)

Also I don’t know why but some people (very few people but it’s still annoying to me) seem to think that her being bi is a huge part of her personality when it’s really not. While she is bi, not everything she does is motivated by that fact if that makes any sense. Like for example, if she’s wearing be a rainbow dress it’s not because she’s (and I quote) "team gay" it’s because she liked the damn dress. Okay I’m rambling now but all I’m saying is that it kinda annoys me when people see her being bi as a hugely defining personality trait. Also she isn’t the only character I notice this happens to.

Ishaan -

Similarly to Nat, whole he does enjoy pranking and such, he’s actually a serious person most of the time. Think of him as more of like a serious and skeptical person who also has a good sense of humor. Although I will say that he does sometimes go out of his way to make a joke sometimes, that’s only sometimes and mostly just to annoy Priya.

Lysander -

Another case of the being gay isn’t his personality. Also??? He’s not gay??? I don’t really know where that came from (like I know who mentioned it to me but I have no clue where she got that from aside from just assuming?) for the record, he is also bi and has a slight preference for girls (mostly bc he likes having an s/o shorter than him but we won’t go into that rn). *slams fists on table* jUST BECAUSE HES FUNNY DOESNT MEAN HES THE TOKEN GAY FRIEND OKAY (okay okay I’m done ranting time to continue)

I also feel like his joking nature is often seen as a sign of him not being as a lack of intellect, but that is in no way true. While he isn’t a genius or anything, he’s a little smarter than average, yet still prone to making dumb decisions because he is still a child. But with more life experience he’ll make smarter decisions while still retaining a joking demeanor.

Priya -

I’m going to keep this one short, but she isn’t as cold and cruel as I sometimes make her seem when I talk about her. I feel like this one’s mostly on me but yeah, she’s a caring person for the most part, just a little misguided and/or dramatic at times.

~I think that’s all of them but I might be wrong? Also none of those explanations make a lot of sense I’m sorry 😔~

23. Introduce an OC that has changed from what your first idea considering what the character would be like.

*drags Nat out again* Here you go.

So I mentioned earlier that there’s like three different versions of her, but in all reality they almost feel like different characters with the same name. However I will say that Next Gen Nat and the Nat I have now (I like to call it her final form bc I think I’m finally happy with her) are similar in many many aspects. But I’ll talk about this Nat because I like her the best and she’s the only Nat I actively use. She was originally intended to be a lot colder/closed off than she is. (Think a lot closer to Aster, but I think pep also had a similar thing with him.) She just ended up becoming a lot softer and a little friendlier than I intended her to be. I’m not exactly unhappy with that though, I feel like this actually added a bit more dimension to her character and it actually gave me a little more room to improve her. It was also bound to happen anyways, especially with the characters she’s friends with/will be friends with. So yeah, it’s interesting and honestly I feel like I’m happy with the changes from what I originally intended her to be.

Hm while I’m here I guess I should also talk about Taemoon.

I don’t know that his personality changed much from my original intent, but his story and intent definitely did. He started as a character that exuded a lack of hope. I don’t know if that sentence makes a lot of sense, but he was originally going to have no chance at happiness in the end. He was supposed to let all of his anger and hurt consume him, making him hell bent on revenge, which would only push him further from anything that could make him happy, but I feel like the end of his story is a lot more hopeful now. I don’t know exactly what it is, but ever since pep asked if Jae Hong could adopt him Taemoon’s life story has become something a lot less disheartening. Now I’ve given him a lot more to live for, and a lot more to make him happy. First off, instead of being alone he now has a family that he quickly grows to trust, and a group of friends with similar experiences that basically become family as well. While he is still very revenge driven, he has a lot more to his life than just that; most importantly he has people he trusts that will keep him from becoming consumed by all of his anger. But yeah, he has become a much more hopeful character as a whole and honestly. I feel like that’s what I really needed. Idk about everyone else but I feel like changing his story to the way it is now really has helped me to feel a lot better in general.

43. Do you have any certain type when you create your OCs? Do you tend to favor certain traits or looks?

Oh god it’s time to confess 😔🤙

So, as most of you have figured out, most of my ocs tend to be very attractive and very capable (and willing) to step on me. If they’re not that then they’re in the minority.

Aside from being physically attractive as a whole, I’d say that in regards to looks, the more they look like they haven’t slept in weeks and are ready to kill a man, the better. If not that, then it’s an oc that looks like I could cuddle with them for hours on end. There’s no in between.

As for traits I tend to favor, probably the most popular is a bad attitude. If you take a look at some of my most used and/or favorite characters, you’ll find that in most cases the snarkier the better. Honestly this is true of characters that aren’t even mine, I just really have a type. At the same time though, I like these characters to have a secret soft side even if it’s only for one other character they care about. On the flip side, I also like writing characters that are genuinely the nicest people you’ll ever meet. I don’t know why but I just love them so much they are truly my children.

Also. Characters that grin in the face of danger? *chefs kiss* I like characters where you question if what they’re doing is out of courage or a death wish. For this reason so many of my characters play some kind of dangerous sport or enjoy dueling, you get what I mean. This goes for both my Edgy™️ characters as well as my soft characters.

Additionally, I do have a lot of characters that are wealthy. Uh. I think that mostly speaks for itself so I’m not going to comment on it any further than this.

Also. Flowers. For some reason I go for faceclaims that eat flowers. It’s not even something I actively seek out??? Like I’ll find someone cute and I’ll be scrolling through pictures and there they are. Eating a flower. This mostly goes for my guy fcs but yeah. Idk how it happens but it just does and I’ve come to accept it.

[just-another-robin]

Time’s Up • Bruce Wayne

- Unedited. I’m sorry for any grammar, spelling mistakes or inconsistencies. This a Watchmen like AU where being a superhero is illegal. It’s a bit dark than other things I’ve written. Feel free to request any other hero for this au. The Bruce Wayne playlist was also previously used here.

- Mentions of character death.

Summary: The American Government decided that superheroes aren’t actually all that helpful. By September 8th, 2020 all superheroes and villains must put up their costumes for good or face extreme punishment. Many hoped that by the 8th the government would back down. They didn’t.

—————

First sign the new ban against superheroes was in action, was the burning down of Aparo park. Several acres of plant life gone in a ‘fuck you’ to those who made the city safe. Because they didn’t care. Amongst the plants was Poison Ivy. Or Pamela Isley.

It was almost to easy to forget that she was once a human too, not a plant. She once resembled the rest of human. She was flawed. She was mainly plant. Did she deserve the death she got? No.

Next, Clayface. Once again he wasn’t human so they had to get rid of him. It doesn’t matter if he was born and raised human, the government knew him as inhuman so he was treated that way. He was burnt and turned into a disgusting, horrifying statue. It sat outside the Iceburg Lounge, a silent reminder of what use to be.

And it wasn’t just those who didn’t fully look or have the same DNA as a person, the second someone got their hands on the Joker, everyone turned away. No one was going to save him. He didn’t deserve it. Several hundreds lives for cruel jokes? No one wept a tear as he was buried in the ground.

And then there was the lucky few like Harvey Dent or Selina Kyle, those who could be seen as able to be fixed or, at least locked up forever with no worries. The current Arkham warden gave Harvey a room spilt in two each item had a duplicate. His dinner was always separated in two. Wether it be he had double servings or they just cut the one serving in half, they complied with his need for duality.

It wasn’t just bad for Batman’s rogue gallery, it was down right awful for Batman too. Several rogues said they would give up the Batman’s identity for their own safety. At first it doesn’t seem too bad, who would believe the criminally insane?

The answer is: everyone. If you get enough people yelling the same thing, it’ll soon seem like the truth.

Or at least, that’s the claim Bruce Wayne makes. That he can’t be Batman. He has business to run. No man in his late thirties was going to be working all day than dressing as a bat.

Yet here he sat, in a cold, small jail cell. His wits and charm got him absolutely nowhere.

Bruce finds himself laughing. Everything he’s done and now he’s in trouble for it. It’s almost poetic. He did everything he could do to save Gotham and they city spat in his face. It was a city born in tragedy. Each second the city getting more and more gloomy, the collected angst weighing down on Bruce. He was a hero. He didn’t belong here.

“Wayne!” One of the guards yelled, pounding their fist against the glass wall of the jail cell. “Shut up. We know you lost your partner in crime. No one gives a shit ‘bout you or the people you turned psycho!”

They were going to have a legal battle regarding Bruce and his sentence. When they looked at his past records, it was seen that there’s already been a court case against Bruce Wayne. One that he won.

A few psychiatrists at Arkham were quick to decide Bruce Wayne is sociopath. They ran to the district attorney, and begged for Bruce to come under their care. Once they agreed, Arkham took Bruce in. No one dared to try and actually help him. Batman was known for beating people up who seemed to have different view points than him.

Alfred Pennyworth would try to come and visit, Bruce only talking about the fact he knew how to get out. But there was no way. How can the city’s most famous name escape with no one noticing?

It was simple:

He couldn’t.

[elexuscal]

I find myself so perpetuallly... frustrated by the discussion regarding Good Omen’s and the queer representation. From both side of the debates. 

Like, on one hand, as someone ace, I am always craving more asexual rep. While not being aromantic either, I also value that representation that focuses on deeply intimate friendships, or what could be called queer platonic relationships. And as a writer and biologist who just gets deeply frustrated by how people generally always project human sexual and gender norms onto non-human (or non-biological) beings, I appreciate a lot of the subtly on these issues in the Good Omens show.

So for this, I get pretty cheesed at people saying that on screen and/or implied sex is the only way to show meaningful queer relationships. I also get frustrated by people even saying romantic relationships with on-screen kisses. That’s a great way to deligitimise aro/ace’s experiences.

So, yeah. In that sense, I really loved the Crowely/Aziraphale relationship depicted in the show, and the last scene with the nightengale... mm, made me feel warm and tingly.

THAT SAID

Hey, I also get the other side! Anathema/Newt got a sex scene, while Shadwell and Madame Tracey got to move in together! Wouldn’t it be nice to get something that explicit?!

 And the explicitness wouldn’t even be fore me as a queer person. I know how to pick up on subtext; most of us do. It used to be all we could get. It’s more for the straight audience, you know? The ones who still are on the fence about queer stuff, or generally oblivious to it.

 I’ve sat with my parents as the most queer, UST-laden scenes have played out in things like The 100 or The Favourite, only for them to be completely sucker punched when two ladies to start making out. There’s no way folks like them are gonna be reading Crowley and Az as queer. 

So even though i wouldn’t personally call Good Omens queer-baiting, I also understand why some people are! And I respect their perspective! They’re folks who have been burned before, who are tired, who want something better! That’s all fair.

And then there’s the question of Authorial Intent. 

I like me some Death of the Author; I honestly have a lot of respect for Gaiman embracing it here. At the same time, I also think knowing an artist’s perspectives and backgrounds can be valuable for reading a work. (Which is what everything comes down to- there’s rarely one single interpretation of a piece, but many!) 

I’ve seen a lot of people saying Neil Gaiman’s written plenty of great queer characters before, so he can’t be criticised for any failings here.... Eh, I don’t buy that argument. I’ve made plenty of great cakes before. I’m still capable of making a bad cake. And if I sold that cake to folks, and some of those people didn’t like it, well- they’re free to say so. If they give some advice on how to make it better in future, I’m free to take it. Even if I don’t, other bakers might.

Plus, some folks have pointed out that Gaiman’s writing of other queer characters have been... less than ideal. Honestly, I’m not super familiar with Gaiman’s work outside GO (I’ve read some Sandman, some Marvel 1602, read American Gods, watched Coraline), so I’m really can’t comment much here. From a brief piece of research, I did find some pretty gross transphobic stuff here. I suppose I’d just generally encourage folks to do research, consider things in context, and don’t put anybody on a pedestal. 

I’ve also seen some similar stuff about Terry Pratchett. And yeah, Pratchett wrote some very powerful stuff that can be read with a queer lens, like the women dwarves of Discworld and all of Monstrous Regiment (both of which I hold dear to my heart). At the same time, explicitly queer characters were pretty sparse in his novels, and a number of his books made some pretty gross jokes about ‘mannish’ women that hurt both cis and trans women. 

And listen! I still like both of their writing! Love it, in fact! But that doesn’t mean I’m going to ignore the flaws in their works!

Nothing gained by rushing to Gaiman’s defense here, acting like he can’t be criticised. He’s a world famous, highly successful author. He can take critique. Some people have legitimate frustrations with how this queer stuff was handled. Let them air their frustrations. Even if Gaiman doesn’t see them, or respond to them, some other creator might- and we might get better queer representation elsewhere.

---

TL;DR-

- There’s some aspects of Crowley and Azriphale’s depiction that deeply resonates with queer viewers, especially the ace and aro communities.

- There are other aspects that felt too subtle or handwashy for some.

- Both perspectives are valid. We can discuss both sides without being cruel or dismissive of each other.

[swingbeard]

Matt Reviews... Shadowbringers

Tossing a review of the Shadowbringers MSQ below the cut.

I ended up writing a lot more than I ever thought I would. 

WARNING: HERE THERE BE SPOILERS. 

I’m not exactly honest where to kick things off here, as I have a lot of thoughts.

WoW has been the MMO I solely dabbled in and played for the longest time before hopping into FFXIV in late 2017. I had tried it out before, but hadn’t really committed in the way I wanted to. When I finally got into Stormblood, something clicked there for me. A large part of it was finding the character I wanted to play finally, and another was being engrossed in this story centered areas of the lore that always had me interested.

I found Heavensward and Stormblood to be rather intriguing stories that continued to push the narrative along between expansion and building out the world, and expected more of the same from Shadowbringers. 

But I had some worries too. The last time an MMO tried to pull off the “alternate dimension/universe” idea? It didn’t go the way a lot of folks wanted, and much was left on the cutting room floor. 

Of course, that was a different game and company but I still had my concerns. My quibbles with previous FFXIV expansions also came into play; the story of Stormblood, which I liked, was uneven due to moving between two different locales and there have been examples over the years of some expansion events dragging a little bit*.

* I’m looking at you, post-A Realm Reborn MSQ content. 

Nonetheless, I headed into the expansion with reasonably high expectations. Said expectations were not only met, but shattered. Shadowbringers is legitimately the best story I’ve ever seen implemented in an MMO, and it’s also one of my favorite stories in video games in a long time.

Shadowbringers is a story of sequences, of tension and release that pays off not only threads and plot points introduced early on in the expansion but from previous expansions as well. SE has always focused on long-term storytelling as part of their MSQ, but it’s more evident now than ever with this expansion.

For folks unfamiliar with the premise, your character - the Warrior of Light - is teleported to a world similar to their own but essentially on the precipice of total destruction and tasked with saving it alongside your companions from previous games. In the FFXIV universe, light and darkness are palpable concepts and balance is important. One without the other can lead to total destruction. In the player character’s world, the threat of world-ending calamity comes from the forces of darkness but in this alternate universe the threat comes instead from the Light. 

In this world, your counterparts defeated the forces of darkness and disrupted the balance. This led to an apocalypse by way of The Flood, a wave of Light that engulfed the planet and destroyed everything except for a small section that you explore throughout the expansion. 

Those who remain are scraping by and praying for a “warrior of darkness” to arrive while attempting to avoid the wrath of the Sin Eaters, the Light’s army of monsters that seek to eliminate and convert the remaining people. For a near century, the sky above is hidden under a layer of Light, a constant oppressive reminder. 

The expansion does a fantastic job not only telling a tight and cohesive story that moves throughout the land, but it also succeeds in building out the world and making you give a damn. Sidequests that appear simple have a depth you usually don’t see in MMOs, and I’ve already had conversations with friends about certain side characters that most people would just meme at. 

In a way, the MSQ works off a familiar premise that you see in most Final Fantasy games: you’re the big gods damned hero who’s arrived just in the nick of time to push back the big bad and save the world. It’s simple. It’s easy. But what Shadowbringers does differently is the emotional twists and turns throughout.

Long-standing characters like the Scions have new motivations, new things to care about, and new characters are given simple yet effective backstories and personalities that make you care in a matter of moments. 

The latter makes me think of the Hrothgar character Runar, who has been living in the forests; even in a cult centered around the idea of darkness and bringing that back, he proves a warm and friendly character who cares about the people around him. 

There’s also a Miqo’te couple in the opulent city of Eulmore that could have been the butt of so many bad jokes, but instead they’re woven into the main narrative with thought and care; they’re given a character arc and prove to be one of the more heartwarming stories of the whole expansion. 

It’s these smaller interactions woven into the fabric of the narrative at large that make it so good. An attention to detail you don’t see in MMOs often is showcased throughout, and you have the ability to chat with numerous NPCs about events, both past and present. 

While Shadowbringers has plenty of hope within its narrative, there’s so much heartache and tragedy too. There’s terrifying moments, pure body horror on display - yes, no joke. There’s a scene in the expansion that made me get out of my chair and have to stop for a moment. In fact, this happens on multiple occasions. 

The moment of body horror I refer to surrounds a character named Tesleen, a young woman living in the Ahm Araeng desert. She is a healer who looks after the terminally wounded and dying, those who will become Sin Eaters post-death; she seeks to ease their pain in any way possible, including poison in their last meal that will carry them off to an endless sleep. It’s their way of life, what they do.

She becomes close with Alisaie, but unfortunately… things take a turn for the worse. Tesleen goes into the desert to seek out a child from the encampment and protects him from a Sin Eater, who converts her into one. What occurs is a terrifying scene, body horror on display as she is transformed into one. It is a raw and emotional display, one of many throughout the expansion. 

It’s a tough watch, but it’s also how the expansion hits you in the heart. Some characters are lucky enough to escape from some tragic events, but they’re changed for the experience. When you think something might be happening, it often ends up getting worse.

The First is not a kind world. Yes, there are moments of hope but there’s an oppressive feeling throughout the expansion that the next moment could be your character’s last, that any of this could go wrong at any point.

But you have your friends. It’s here again I mention the Scions, your group of companions dating back even to the original release of FFXIV. Some have been on the First for years, and have been tasked by the Crystal Exarch (who we’ll get to later) with trying to help the people, to save them from the Sin Eaters and push back the Light. They have their own character arcs, their own development; some have changed for the worse, and others have changed for the better. 

The new Minfilia stands out to mind here. She’s a character who is aware of her heritage, where she comes from, given the tales that have been relayed to her but she isn’t sure how to handle it, what to do with the information. She struggles as she learns about the world around her, but her character development is so fantastic to see. 

Near the end of the story, she decides to become her own person and even takes on a new name where I thought she would embrace the role of “new Minfilia” and continue along that same path, which probably would have upset some folks. 

Instead, it’s an idea of the twists and turns of the expansion. You think they’re headed one direction, and totally turn the other way. I can legitimately only cover a handful here because there are so many without feeling like being too overbearing. 

I think it’s here where I talk about the villains of the expansion, as there’s a full array. Vauthry, the larger-than-life leader of Eulmore, regards himself as a leader free of sin when really he’s perhaps the worst of all. He is callous, cruel, vain, and has aspirations of becoming a god, of controlling the Sin Eaters. 

His general Ran’jit is a great foil, an older man who fights with fists and feet. While Vauthry has been corrupted from consuming the flesh of Sin Eaters (yes, this happens), he truly believes in the righteous causes of his leader. There’s more than meets the eye with both characters; they are fascinating studies in how righteous causes can go so horribly wrong.

Then there’s Emet-Selch, an Ascian who has taken on the body of the previous Garlean emperor Solus. He was introduced in the post-Stormblood content, coming across as a wicked madman who appeared to have deeper motives. There wasn’t much to work off of then in terms of who he was.

There’s very good reason. 

At some point in Shadowbringers, as you have begun to establish your resistance against the forces of the Light, he decides to accompany your party, to see just what drives you, keeps you going. He helps with reviving Y’shtola, as she decides to sacrifice herself during the story, as a way of gaining your trust.

Then he drops a bomb, a revelation. He does this time after time. In a way, Emet-Selch reminds me of a favorite character in Kreia from KOTOR 2. 

They are liars and destroyers, but they also will lay the truth of their world out for you to clearly see, giving their own rational reasons for why they’re doing what they’re doing. Whereas Zenos was a fantastic villain in his own right, as he was an unapologetic villain, Emet-Selch is a different sort.

He’s a tragic villain. 

He reveals the Ascians, this group of villains that didn’t really have much inspiration or any context outside of “we want to summon our dark god and take over the universe” before this expansion, as a tragic force. They were once a utopia, a society of thinkers and bureaucrats with unlimited power in the form of creation magicks that ended up destroying their world. 

It’s here Shadowbringers really dives into the cosmology of the FFXIV universe in unapologetic fashion. It reveals insane truths about how the First, the Source, and other worlds are connected, how when worlds are “rejoined”, it causes cataclysmic events and thus leads further to the endgame of the Ascians.

They just want to go home and bring their people back, the majority of which were sacrificed in an effort to try and salvage their utopian home. As you get into the endgame of the Shadowbringers MSQ, you learn more about what exactly happened, what led to this, and how Emet-Selch is truly a tragic villain, someone who just wants to go home, wants to bring their people back. You see it in the way he walks, in how he talks; he is burdened by the hundreds of thousands of souls he considered his friends, his family.

They are gone. Only he and a few others remain, steadfast and committed to their cataclysm task of death leading to new life, a new chance. 

This is only the surface of his arc and the backstory surrounding the Ascians. SE went ahead and made a group of villains I didn’t find particularly interesting into one of the most fascinating parts of their lore and universe. 

It is because of this the ending of the MSQ is so tragic, so devastating, but also it’s a release. The sequence leading up to the final trial (boss) of the expansion is parts inspiring and heartbreaking, as your character - who has taken on the overpowering Light of the world into their body - nearly succumbs and becomes a Sin Eater. 

But then you’re saved by another soul, a former Warrior of Light-turned-Warrior of Darkness named Ardbert. If you’ve played through the post-Heavensward MSQ, you know of him as a more antagonistic force-turned-tragic-villain but in Shadowbringers, he is a spirit, your guiding light. The reason why he eventually joins forces with you is an absolutely insane one, but it’s earned by the story at that point because they explain it. They show it. 

It’s here where I find it difficult to really explain just what happens in this MSQ at times because I truly believe you have to see it and play through it. So many moments are earned, tragic or heartbreaking, and to explain it by way of a review in text would do it a disservice. You know a game’s story is good when I haven’t even really touched upon the zones you explore or the gameplay. 

When the Shadowbringers MSQ finally ended, I just kind of sat there. Just thought upon everything I had seen, had played through, had watched. There’s some post-credits content that gives information on just what is happening back on the player character’s homeworld and it’s… interesting.

In a way I wondered just how they’d play up the threat back home because the threats on the First are so cosmic-spanning that it would be tough to go back to Eorzea and deal with the Garleans, but SE as always looks long-term and sets up some interesting pieces and plot threads that I feel like will be handled in the post-MSQ patches. 

While I know some folks aren’t a huge fan of FFXIV’s gameplay, the main differentiation comes down to story and character development. SE gives a damn about keeping a consistent lore and storyline that covers multiple expansions, not at all letting up on the gas pedal especially in Shadowbringers. It is in this expansion that they completely triumph in all aspects: worldbuilding, tension and release, character development, and numerous revelations that fit so well within the lore they’ve established.

At the end of the day, there’s nothing more I can say or do than this:

Go play Shadowbringers.

[fightsbck]

   *  ARRIVAL OF A BARATHEON BASTARD       VS. A LANNISTER PRINCE.

content: so this. this started out purely as a joke. i just wanted to make a a very quick and witty comparison and it. it turned out into a full-blown thing. in any case, i’ve talked about this briefly before but!!    I LOST THE POST,  so.   here is me winging this meta / discussion again,   and hoping that it’ll make sense.   again,   this is in no way of disrespecting any other character(s);   just a full opinion written that you’re free to agree / disagree.

warning:  if you haven’t watched ep 1 of season 8?   spoilers.

introduction.

so, as i’ve said: this started out purely as me attempting a joke. when i first saw gendry’s appearance in, what i will dub as: The Arrival 2.0, my first immediate thought was: this is a prince. of course, i’m biased. i like this character. so, i’d want him to take a high position that we’ve learnt to idolise. but it’s not that simple. in reality, gendry is written as a lowborn and, if we’re being realistic, princely probably isn’t the right word nor occupation that can agree with him. regardless, that was my fight thought.  here is an edited screencap for visual aid:

but then i went away to pull out the first episode of got to get a screencap of joffrey in a similar pose. i was baffled by two things: (1) was the re-discovery that we are all seeing this in both the northerner’s point of view but, most important? from arya’s. i might come back to this point later? but we’ll see. continuing, another shocking factor was (2) joffrey, himself. here is another edited screencap for visual aid:

what had baffled me so much was that,    i was wrong.    gendry didn’t look at all like a prince when he’s compared to joffrey.    joffrey looks like a prince:   he has the golden hair,  the right horse,   the right shirt etc.   gendry,  in comparison,   looks rugged and worn-down.   the only thing that’s salvaging him from completely looking like a truly lowborn commoner was that he was relatively clean-looking.  otherwise,  his usual look are him covered in ashes and soot.

gendry doesn’t look like a prince. but maybe that’s the point.

so,  once i’ve established that my joke won’t be funny after all because i was dead off-the-mark with this assumption,  i’ve started to sit down and think:  you know what.   it makes sense.  i think gendry is supposed to look the way he does:   a common folk,   a working man.  aka anything but a royal.   this is ironic,  because i think joffrey,  in return,  is supposed to look like a royal  —  though, in reality, he’s no right in claiming the title considering he was a lannister bastard, himself.   gendry may be a lowborn,  but at the very least,  his claim is stronger in regards to blood. traditionally, of course, that won’t fly. but, let’s save that conversation for later.

appearance alone.

comparatively, joffrey looks divine.   his hair is yellow and thick, and he’s surrounded by the guards that are dutiful to keep him safe,  and his horse is even different-in-colour from the others.   there’s a lot of work just in this scene to pop joffrey up as the prince among the rest.  we, as the audience,  though maybe not immediately drawn,  can somewhat subconsciously conclude that  hey,  this kid must be someone among these marching men of many.

gendry is... not like that at all. yes, again, i repeat, he looks clean. but ... he doesn’t look expensive, you get what i mean? his hair is cut short, suggesting ruggedness. he looks like he’s just been working in the smith and davos was telling him last-minute that they have to go out and go to winterfell. he threw a cloak on his shoulder — which! by the way! looks sagged, while joffrey’s were meant to make him look bold and thick, but the thing is, gendry looks comfortable, which plays a lot in the bastard vs. prince thing because gendry’s whole lifestyle probably pertains more to comfort than to conform himself to any westeros’ fashion standard — and was up on a horse and just, riding to his next destination.

gendry also blends with the crowd, and yet, somehow, he stands out anyway. one could argue that it’s mostly because we see it from arya’s point of view, and she was looking up to the men on horses which was why gendry appeared more grand in our eyes — if compare to joffrey, who, upon first look, we view him with the standard eye-level view: so everything that makes him stand out was literally what he wears and how his guards were stationed around him, but. 

let’s dwell further.

colour scheme and foreshadowing.

‘cause it’s honestly my fucking favourite thing,  but !! this is more of just me emphasising on the foreshadowing that they’ve done. because it’s. incredible. with that, imma get rid of my edited things and pull out some hues from the original screencap of the show.

first, we’ve got joffrey.

so as i’ve said: joffrey is expensively dressed. he’s got the thick coat just like robert’s, he’s got the gloves, and he’s got the beautiful steed that he mounted. and then there were the colours. joffrey’s whole aesthetics are elegance (black) and violence, anger, danger (red, which, now that we’re reading deeper into it, should come off as a warning, huh?) as well as the touch of yellow / gold to represent the riches.

joffrey is everything a royal lannister is, and the tv-show flaunts it.

in the meantime, here’s gendry:

like i said. he’s all rugged and rough-looking, and even his colours are portraying it. gendry’s general tone have always been with earth signs. he is the green of the tree, the brown of the mud: he is stability and home personified. because yes, he may lack the riches, but gendry has always been someone — in this case, arya, specifically, and then later jon with the whole westeros suicide squad — could depend on. 

and the best thing is? he carries the very colours of what the baratheon, i think, should be. stags in the wild: strong and intimidating creatures with its large antlers that could kill (which means they possesses a level of dangerousness that people should be aware of; in this case, gendry with his strength that the show has let us see glimpses of again and again), but they’re peaceful. they’re calamity. they’re reliable.

further scenes. feat. the hound!

it is also interesting to note that, following their first glimpse, both of the characters went on to different side of the spectrums. joffrey (if you count his encounter with sansa next as the second scene, instead of him just Smirking at sansa as the second one) shows arrogance and - him, just basically standing there, in full leisure. he is in no rush. he does not work. he’s nothing to do. joffrey, after all, is the prince.

gendry’s second scene is him reprimanding the people who are handling dragonglass to be careful. to be honest, i do admit, it’s just an establishing shot. (for non-film nor media students, it’s just a quick shot to establish or made known to the audience what we’re watching: in this case, we’re discovering that hey, the dragonglass is a lot, and it’s safely arrived and gendry, obviously, will probably smith a lot) however, it’s a shot of gendry working.

he’s worried about what’s to come, he’s seen death in the face, he knows his duty, knows why he’s brought there, and he’s taking it pretty damn seriously. you can also parallel it with how joffrey’s encounter with arya later when arya had his sword and nymeria attacked him (though it won’t be a strong parallel) but essentially: in the face of danger, joffrey slunk away. gendry got right back up (fitting, really, since he actually literally fell the last time we saw him in s7 in the snow) and started to do something about it.

(it’s also!! cool to think that joffrey’s next scene consists of him taunting the hound. while gendry’s is him aiding the hound with the axe that he asked for. even when the hound mocked him, gendry didn’t rebuke by saying anything mean before arya could interrupt them.)

tl;dr. conclusion.

joffrey is a prince, though it is funny to reflect, later, that he is undeserving of the title for his cruel and cowardly nature. and that, of course, he is illegitimate to the throne by his blood. gendry is an unrecognised bastard. in my interpretation, he doesn’t even go by waters as a last name. and yet, his character is strong and dependable. maybe not princely, no, because gendry is nothing like the diplomat sansa or tyrion is. but, i think, he represents everything a prince should be.

and that’s that.

please don’t reblog.

[samayla]

Fic: Gemini Chapter 3

AO3

Bilbo may be a Baggins of a Bag End, but his twin sister Bella inherited all their mother’s Tookish tendencies. If one Hobbit burglar is good, surely two will be better… right?

Rating: G

This is going to be a huge multi-part fic. I’ll be tagging it #HobbitGemini for anyone who wants to follow it, or shoot me a message if you’d like me to tag you specifically. I’ll post another chapter or two tonight, but then it’ll probably be a week before I update. I’ll settle on a schedule of some sort once I figure out how fast I can crank out chapters.

Chapter 1: Late for Dinner

Chapter 2: An Unexpected Party

Chapter 3: No One West of Bree

“I don’t like it, Ki,” Fili growled as his brother thunked two mugs onto the table and slid into the seat facing him.

Kili glanced around, one side of his mouth quirking upward skeptically. “What’s not to like, Fi? We could take this lot without even breaking a sweat.”

“That’s what I mean,” Fili answered darkly. He wrapped his hands around his ale but didn’t yet take a drink. Too many of the assembled halflings were looking their way. Too few looked friendly. “These are some mighty strong glares for folk who don’t seem to have a chance of backing ‘em up.” Sure, they had numbers, but that was about it, as far as he could tell. They were small and soft and round, dressed in the garish colors that adorned their gardens. They weren’t fighters. But he wasn’t sure what that made them instead.

He nodded toward a particularly venomous-looking halfling sitting in the corner. “Take that toadish character in green back behind you,” he said. “What does he think he can do? We’re missing something, Ki. We’ve got to be.” It was hard to explain, but Fili couldn’t help but feel uneasy. There just had to be something more to these strange little creatures than looks would suggest. Why else would Gandalf want Thorin to engage one of them in their quest? And what’s more, brave Thorin’s wrath in making the very suggestion? If a halfling could be expected to best a dragon when an army of dwarves could not…

Kili shrugged, unconcerned, and lifted his mug to drink. “I think you’re just - hey! Where’s my ale gone?”

That got his attention. “What?”

Kili tipped his mug toward Fili. It was half empty. “Did you drink it?” he demanded, punching Fili in the shoulder before he could even think to answer.

“What? No. Ki, I haven’t touched it.”

Kili didn’t look convinced. He snatched up Fili’s mug and peered inside. Fili took advantage of his brother’s momentary distraction to rub surreptitiously at his shoulder. He could feel it bruising already. “Yours is short too!” Kili exclaimed. “What’s the big idea?”

Both brothers about jumped out of their skin when three more mugs of ale and a plate of fruit tarts clattered onto the worn table between them, and Fili nearly skewered the cheerful lass who dropped into the seat beside him.

“Don’t take it personally - Old Wil always pours short for strangers,” she chirped, apparently unaware of her brush with death. Or of the intensified scowls now directed at their table. Fili half expected to burst into flames. “Bella Baggins, at your service.” The lass bobbed her head and then grinned expectantly.

“Fili,” he supplied slowly.

Kili was quicker to add his own name to the introduction, though his attention had already been snagged by the plate of tarts. When Fili saw his brother’s hand slide away from his knife and toward the sweets, he allowed himself to relax slightly. Kili’s stomach hadn’t led them astray yet. Well, not since that cask of dandelion wine when they were in their twenties, but that was completely beside the point.

Kili took an enormous bite of one tart, but Fili was relieved to note that he’d at least smelled it first. “’Ooks ‘ike ‘e pourth thort for ‘oo, too.” Kili sprayed them both with crumbs as he spoke. He downed the ale in one of his mugs in a single gulp, and then swept the back of his hand across his mouth. “Sorry. These are great!”

Bella laughed as she shook crumbs from her sandstone curls. “Forgiven.” She peered into her own mug and sighed. “Wil’s pouring may be lacking, but his wife’s cooking certainly isn’t. Alessia Bracegirdle’s blueberry tarts are local legend.” She glanced sideways at Fili as she took a more moderate drink from her own mug. “Your hands would be much better occupied with her tarts than your weapons,” she commented with a wry twist of her mouth. Perhaps she was not so unaware after all. “Terrifying though I know I seem, I really just thought the pair of you could use a friendly drink.”

Fili smiled back a little guiltily and relinquished his grip on the knife in his sleeve. He still had plenty of others in easy reach.

Just in case.

Kili grinned and flicked a bit of tart at him. “Don’t mind him, Bella. He’s just tense from being on the road. It’s sucked all the fun out of him.”

Fili flicked the morsel back at his brother. “Has not.” And even if it had, someone had to be the responsible one after Kili went and got them lost. ‘Shortcut,’ indeed.

Kili snatched up another tart from the plate. “Has so! You’re seeing threats everywhere. You’re worse than Mister Dwalin! Even unarmed, these halflings have you jumping at every shadow. And then you nearly kill the only friendly face in the whole place! Imagine - not even trusting a blueberry tart!” He took another huge bite to prove his point, and when he spoke again, he sprayed Fili and Bella with crumbs once more. “’M worried ‘bout choo, Fi. “S’not righ’.”

Bella glanced over her shoulder, then looked from one to the other of them with amber eyes as large as dinner plates. “Oh,” she breathed, leaning close over the worn wooden table. “But Fili is quite right to be on his guard, for your kind hasn’t any defense against our secret weapon.”

Kili swallowed with difficulty. “What’s that?” he croaked, leaning toward the halfling lass, his eyes growing wide to match hers.

“It’s a fearsome thing indeed. Makes even the biggest of big Men fall to pieces and go running back for the Wilds past Buckland.”

Though Fili suspected - or perhaps hoped for - a joke, he found himself listening just as attentively as his brother. He knew there had to be a reason Gandalf wanted a halfling along.

“It’s the Look.” And she leveled a truly impressive glare at Kili.

Fili burst out laughing, both at the halfling’s answer and the look of confused horror on his brother’s face.

Bella managed to hold her expression a second longer before she, too, broke down in laughter, Kili joining in almost immediately in obvious relief. She leaned back in her chair, taking her mug with her. “Oh, we’ll glare you do death, and no mistake,” she boasted, a raised eyebrow replacing her smile, and both dwarves ceased their laughter at once. Then she grinned again, an easy, crooked thing that made her eyes twinkle. “That’s about it though, I’m afraid, unless one can be killed by a short drink.”

“I hope you didn’t pay full price for these,” Fili commented, reaching for one of the mugs she’d brought them. It held even less ale than the first mug had.

Bella shrugged. “Seems cruel to deprive Wil of his petty revenge when there are real strangers about to bear the brunt of it. Usually, he has to content himself with shorting me, as I’m widely regarded as the strangest thing around these parts.”

She deftly snatched the last two tarts from the plate before Kili could grab one. She passed Fili one, but broke hers and passed half of it to Kili. Fili shot her a grateful look on his brother’s behalf, but Kili, for his part, was too busy inhaling the treat to thank her for it.

“But if you were hoping to get drunk tonight,” Bella continued, “you’d have had better luck at the Green Dragon in Bywater. It gets all the outside traffic. We’re a bit isolated here in the heart of the Shire.”

“So I’m learning,” Fili answered. “But we were told Hobbiton, and this place seemed as likely as any around here to hold a meeting about an adventure.”

The lass choked on the last bite of her tart.

Fili thumped her on the back in alarm, but as soon as her airway was clear of crumbs, she doubled over laughing. “You won’t find any adventures here, lads,” she panted as soon as she was able. “Even the mildest sort won’t come any closer than Bree, I’m afraid.”

“But Gandalf said Hobbiton,” Kili protested. “Very clearly!”

Bella frowned and took another drink, clearly thinking hard.

“What is it?” Fili asked. “Is something the matter?”

She shook her head. “Gandalf, you say? Old fellow dressed all in grey? Wears a pointed hat, as if he weren’t tall enough already?”

“That’s him!” Kili exclaimed, jostling the table in his excitement. “Have you seen him?”

“He’s hardly been seen around these parts since I was a child, but he was always fond of a good story, and turning dwarves loose on unsuspecting hobbits sounds like as good a start to a tale as any I’ve ever heard.”

Fili shared a grim look with his brother as Bella chuckled to herself and returned to her drink. “You think this is some sort of joke?” Fili inquired, careful to keep his face and tone from betraying his worry, while Kili looked downright offended at the very idea. If they weren’t careful, Kili was going to blunder right into revealing their whole quest in a room full of hostile halflings.

“Oh, yes,” Bella replied at once. “Though there are few enough around here who’ll see the humor in it. When news of you two gets out, there’ll be a scandal in the neighborhood! Old Wil may never recover!”

“Still,” Fili reasoned, trying to reassure himself and also keep Kili from causing a scene, “better a joke than a trap, I suppose.”

That notion backfired.

Kili jerked upright so quickly he nearly overturned the table. As it was, several of the halflings in the nearest seats shot them especially dirty looks at the clatter. “You don’t think it could be, do you?” Kili hissed. “A trap, I mean.”

“Of course not,” Bella soothed, beginning to pick up their overturned mugs. The short pouring was a good thing after all. All five had been empty, or near enough, when they’d fallen. The little bit of ale that seeped across the table was quickly mopped up with a rag Bella snagged off a passing server’s arm. The lass made eye contact with Kili when she spoke next, all laughter aside. “Gandalf may not have visited the Shire in ages, but I have had some dealings with him outside of it. He’s a good sort. A little meddlesome, but he means well, and that’s got to count for something, hasn’t it? And from what I understand, by the end of things, he’s usually righter than one would have expected at the beginning.”

Fili shot her another grateful smile for her efforts at calming his brother. And her words had gone a long way toward easing his own mind as well. Balin had seemed confident when he’d suggested the pair of them set out ahead at the edge of the Shire, but as the hours had passed and they’d grown more and more hopelessly lost in all the halflings’ tangled footpaths and hills, Fili had been unable to shake the growing suspicion that this whole thing was a test. One he was failing miserably. But this chance meeting made him feel as though he wasn’t botching absolutely everything. At the very least, they’d managed to secure an outside perspective on their wizard. He smiled to himself at the thought of Balin’s approving nod when he shared Bella’s vote of confidence at the meeting.

“Well,” Kili mused, interrupting Fili’s thoughts, “I hope you’re right about the wizard’s scheming.” He still didn’t look entirely convinced that the whole thing wasn’t some sort of elaborate trap. “I’d hate to have come so far out of our way to collect a burglar for nothing.”

“A burglar, you say?”

“Uncle didn’t think much of the idea at first, to be honest, but -”

Fili kicked Kili beneath the table before he could spill any more details. Their uncle would kill them. “Yes,” he interjected to distract Bella from Kili’s pained indignation. “But here we are. You haven’t heard anything about a burglar advertising around Hobbiton, have you?”

Bella laughed again at that. “Of course not! In my experience, that is not usually the sort of activity one advertises!”

“Oh, not petty burglars, or hobbyists, certainly,” Fili acknowledged, “but professional burglars quite frequently advertise their services so as to attract respectable clients. There’s nothing saying one cannot steal back something that is already one’s rightful property.”

Kili brightened suddenly, obviously picking up on Fili’s intent. “We’re on our way to visit kin in the Iron Hills,” he recited dutifully, only making the line sound slightly rehearsed, “but we’ve had some things stolen from our company.” He looked to Fili for approval of his addition to Balin’s sketchy cover story.

“Hardly the most auspicious start to a journey, as I’m sure you can imagine,” Fili added with a shrug, hoping to distract Bella from his brother’s blundering again.

Bella nodded sagely, but Fili could see the twinkle of laughter in her eyes once more. He let it go. Better she think them joking than lying. And it wasn’t a lie, not really. An entire mountain kingdom was probably just likely to be rather larger than whatever she was picturing they’d lost.

“Of course,” Bella said. “If Gandalf’s involved, I suppose it can’t be nearly as disreputable an affair as it sounds. But I’m afraid you still won’t find any burglars, professional or otherwise, advertising their craft here in Hobbiton. Hobbits, as a rule, frown upon burglary at any level of dedication.”

“But can you think of no one at all?” Kili asked forlornly. He fixed the lass with the same look he’d give their mother to coax her into allowing him a second helping of dessert.

Bella shook her head, and for a moment, Fili thought they might have at last met someone immune to Kili’s puppy dog eyes. But then she sighed. “I really can’t think of anyone who would fit your needs.” Fili waited. It was coming. He knew it, and Kili did too. Neither of them spoke, and sure enough, she continued after another sigh. “But perhaps we can have a spot of dinner, and you can tell me more about your adventure, and what it is, exactly, that Gandalf told you. Maybe then I’ll be able to think of who he could possibly have meant.”

As she surged to her feet and headed for the bar, Kili flashed a triumphant grin across the table. Fili nodded in acknowledgment of his mastery, but couldn’t help a few words of caution as well. “We still have to be careful what we say, Ki. Uncle won’t like us giving everything away to a stranger.”

“But it’s to get help,” Kili reasoned. “After all, if we can’t find this supposed burglar, what’s to say any of the others can either? We could be heroes, Fi, and find him before anyone else!”

“Gandalf will know him, if he can recommend him,” Fili reminded him. “And the others, at least, might remember the fellow’s name.”

Kili pouted at his tone. “How is it my fault that you didn’t listen on your turn?”

“I was trying,” Fili shot back, “but someone was pulling faces behind Gandalf’s back the entire time, ruining my concentration.” It really was unfair. He hadn’t known of Balin’s plan to send them ahead. If he had, he would have made Kili listen to Gandalf’s instructions as well, and then they would both know the burglar’s name, and they wouldn’t be in this predicament at all. They could have stopped and asked for proper directions to the fellow’s house, instead of trying to make sense of the garbled nonsense Kili had rattled off about “pretunies.”

Kili opened his mouth to argue, but was interrupted by Bella returning to her seat with a huff. “What’s the matter?” he asked.

“Kitchen’s closed,” Bella snapped, just as a serving girl whisked past their table with plates piled high with roast pork and potatoes. She pressed her lips into a thin line.

Kili was aghast, and Fili suspected his own face wasn’t much more composed. “But-”

Bella cut Kili off. “Well, it’s closed to us, anyway. Wil wants us out. ‘Putting his patrons off their drinking,’ he says, with all our talk of adventuring and burgling. Ill-tempered old goat.” She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, then forced a bright smile. “There’s nothing for it,” she declared. “You’ll have to come home with me. Bilbo will have cooked something up, I’m sure, late as I am, and if not, then there’s plenty of cold food in the pantry for all of us.”

“Bilbo?” Fili asked. Of course a lass with a smile like that would have someone waiting at home.

“Oh, yes. He’ll probably be much more help than I could be. He’s much more sociable, you see, and has a good ear for gossip. Perhaps he’s heard something about this burglar of yours. And if not, than at the very least, he’s got a library full of maps and things, and we can get you two pointed in the right direction. I’m sure there must be any number of places that sound like ‘Hobbiton’ if one is distracted from listening.”

“Of course we’ll come!” Kili exclaimed at once, not bothering to consult his older brother.

For his part, Bella’s sly smile was enough to make Fili forgive her for overhearing their argument - it seemed these halflings had exceptional hearing, information which he filed away for later - but at the same time, he couldn’t forget the weight of responsibility on his shoulders in Thorin’s absence. “I don’t know,” he murmured reluctantly. “That’s a generous offer, but we’re to meet the rest of our party tonight, if we can find them. We probably shouldn’t go wandering about the countryside at random. Uncle always says it’s important to stay where you are when you’re lost, and let the others find you.”

“Uncle has a good deal of experience at being lost,” Kili piped up helpfully.

“No more than most,” Fili shot back in his uncle’s defense. “And it’s sound advice, anyway. The others have a much better chance of finding us if we just stay put.”

“We could always leave a message with Wil, in case any of your friends come looking for you here,” Bella suggested.

Fili was skeptical, to say the least. Could the peevish barkeeper really be trusted to pass along a message faithfully?

Bella must have read the look on his face. “It’ll be fine,” she assured him. “Old Wil may be petty and vengeful when it comes to strangers, but he won’t hesitate to send those strangers in another hobbit’s direction if given half a chance. Odds are, you’d have been sent up my way sooner or later, if I hadn’t met you here first. Come on. Good food and a good night’s sleep - not to mention better company than this lot -” she gestured at the still-glaring halflings scattered around the room “- will set you up right proper for whatever the morning will bring.” She leaned forward conspiratorially. “And there’s a strawberry-rhubarb pie in it for you if you’ll at least walk me home. You’re my excuse, you see. I’m abominably late for supper, but if I go home and start spinning tales of drinking with dwarves, Bilbo will never believe me. The only way I’m getting off the hook tonight is if I bring you lot around as -”

The lass’s face went suddenly blank.

Well, not blank, exactly. Fili was sure it was supposed to be something resembling politely cheery, but it was off somehow. Like a pane of spun sugar. Sickly sweet, but fragile, with no substance underneath. He was just about to ask what was wrong when a shadow fell across their table.

“Cousin Belladonna!” The voice was just as rotund at the rest of the green-clad hobbit, and Fili inwardly cringed at his false cheer, as if the fellow hadn’t just spent the last half hour glaring daggers at their table. It explained Bella’s face, at least.

“Cousin Otho,” she replied, her tone just as false as his. Fili noticed her knuckles were white around the handle of her empty mug. “I didn’t see you there. Would you care to join me and my friends for a drink?”

Fili saw Kili open his mouth to protest and kicked him under the table again. Better to let the lass handle her relations herself. For now, at least.

“Goodness, no!” Otho forced a chuckle that was as false as everything else about him. He tucked his hands into the pockets of his gaudy green waistcoat. “I was just about to head home to the missus. Getting late, you know, and supper’s waiting. But I’d be happy to walk you home, Belladonna. The Hill isn’t too far out of my way, after all, and you wouldn’t want to keep Bilbo waiting up too long.”

Bella made a big show of looking past Otho and out the darkened window. “Oh, Sweet Lady! You’re right,” she gasped, and Fili had to admire how realistic she made her astonishment seem. “He expected us home ages ago!”

Noting Bella’s ‘us’ at the same time Otho did, but taking it as an invitation, Fili spoke up, doing his best to match her performance. He peered out the window and then hung his head, reaching for his pack. “Sorry about that, Bell. But you know Kili and his ‘shortcuts.’” He elbowed Kili, who elbowed him back with a scowl.

Bella laughed. “Well, I know you do. You don’t have to take them, you know.” She smiled warmly at the indignant Kili, her facade temporarily abandoned. “Even if he does give you his Look.”

All three of them burst out laughing at that, leaving poor Otho to sputter and try to come up with a way to retake control of a situation that was obviously not going at all as he’d planned.

Bella was the first to come back to herself. “Oh, dear,” she breathed. “I’m afraid this isn’t making us any less late, is it? We’d best be going, lads.” She rose and turned back to Otho with an - almost - apologetic smile. “Sorry to run, cousin, but you know how Bilbo is about his cooking. If his supper is ruined, I’ll never hear the end of it. Give my best to Lobelia, won’t you?” She didn’t wait for an answer from her cousin before issuing orders to the dwarves. “You lads can go gather your things, and I’ll settle matters with Wil and meet you out front.”

“Cousin Otho,” Fili intoned gravely as he stood. He bowed with an exaggerated flourish.

“Pleasure,” Kili added, mimicking Fili’s bow. It was all Fili could do not to laugh at the look of shocked dismay on the poor halfling’s face. His face had become nearly as green as his shirt. They collected their packs from the heap beneath the table, and Fili adopted his best princely strut. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Kili doing the same, and they left the poor fellow standing, completely befuddled, beside their table.

They both burst into laughter as soon as they stepped out into the lane and the door swung shut behind them.

“Bella is a natural,” Kili declared. “I thought he’d faint when she said we were expected!”

“Poor fellow didn’t know what hit him,” Fili agreed, adjusting his pack to sit more evenly across his shoulders. “Do you really think that sour old barman will send the others our way?”

Kili shrugged. “I don’t know, but Bella should know how to handle her own people, right?”

“She should. And waiting at her house for the others can’t put us in much worse of a position than waiting here would, I suppose.”

Kili’s eyes got dreamy. “Especially if there’s pie…”

“You always think with your stomach, Ki,” Fili chided, chuckling.

“Well, it got us excellent blueberry tarts and a good joke, didn’t it? And pie! These halflings know how to get things done! Imagine if Bella’s pie is even half as good as those tarts… Maybe that’s why Gandalf wants a halfling along - someone has to sweeten Uncle Thorin up, or he’s liable to kill everyone before we even lay eyes on the mountain.”

“If that’s his plan, he’ll have to hire two - one to cook Uncle’s pies, and one to cook Dwalin’s. Otherwise Uncle will never get so much as a bite!”

It felt good just to laugh for a bit. Maybe Kili was right, Fili reflected, and he had been too serious since they went on ahead of the company. What had being serious gotten him? Lost in the dark. Everything seemed to be turning out alright after all, so why worry?

“I just hope we wind up with someone like Bella,” Kili confided. “A pie from that Otho character would probably just make everyone sick.”

Fili’s smile faded in spite of his resolve to stop worrying. “You don’t think she’s having any trouble in there, do you?”

By unspoken agreement, they both dropped their packs behind the bushes at the side of the road and started for the door. Fili took the lead, and Kili fell in half a step behind him, watching his back as always.

Suddenly, the door flew open, and Bella came storming out, dragging a very startled-looking Otho along behind her. “…one whit what sort of company you think that makes me, Otho Sackville-Baggins!” She spun to face the stout halfling, and Fili realized that instead of her holding him, it was he who held her wrist in a bruising grip. The stupid sod had apparently been too shocked to let go when Bella started moving.

“You having any trouble, Bell?” Kili growled, his eyes on her arm too.

“None at all,” Bella replied, trying to twist out of his grip. “Oh, Otho!” she exclaims, stomping her foot. “Let go of me this instant!”

That seemed to bring the fellow back to his senses somewhat. But instead of releasing the lass, he dragged her around in front of himself, like a shield. “Now, see here,” he stammered, his eyes darting wildly between the two armed dwarves. Neither had drawn a weapon yet, but both Fili and Kili had taken up defensive stances, and neither of them looked kindly on the halfling’s treatment of their new friend. “I’ll call the Sherriff on you!”

“For what?” Fili asked, taking a step forward and resting his hand on the hilt of one of his swords.

“Yeah,” Kili agreed. “Far as I can see, the only one causing trouble here is you.” Kili stepped forward as well, and Otho backed away, dragging Bella with him.

“See, Belladonna? I told you these strange folk shouldn’t be trusted. Troublemakers, the lot! Who knows what sort of trouble you’d have gotten yourself into if I hadn’t been here!”

Fili saw Bella’s jaw clench. “I’d release the lass right now, if I was you,” Fili stated slowly and calmly. He moved his hand away from his sword.

If the halfling had had a lick of sense, he’d have backed down by now, but Fili hadn’t forgotten the powerful glares this stammering idiot had directed their way back in the tavern. Nor had he forgotten the wizard’s stubborn insistence that they hire a halfling to handle a dragon. Despite the amused smirk growing on his brother’s face, Fili wasn’t ready to count this fellow out just yet. Not until Bella was safely out of his grasp.

“You can’t tell me what to do,” Otho declared, trying to wave a very disgruntled Bella in front of him by way of proof. “Belladonna is my cousin, and I say what she -”

Bella elbowed him in the face with her free arm, spinning to follow through and drop with him to the ground. “Don’t call me Belladonna,” she snarled, tearing her arm out of his grasp. She ducked back into the building as Otho’s startled silence gave way to pained howls. Judging from the blood pouring through his fingers, she’d broken his nose.

“Come on, lads,” Bella said briskly as she came back out, a pack slung over her shoulder and a walking stick in her hand. “I do believe I owe you a pie.”

[wanderedinwinter]

I Just Read The TSM Preview And I Have A Lot Of Thoughts.

I’m not going to pretend I’m not aggravated about a lot of things, but I’ll try to be civil. I had a LOT of hope for this book, and while it can still redeem itself, it’s getting increasingly less likely.

I’m not sure where to begin. What the frickity frack.

I guess I’ll start with Tamara because she is one of the most common subjects of discussion right now. I may not be a fan of Callmara, but I am okay with it happening. No matter what, though, I don’t think Call’s first thoughts after six months of prison time, doing nothing but staring at a wall and getting interrogated all the while buried ten feet deep in self-hate over his best friend’s death, should be of how hot your friend is. Then obsess over the fact that she may or may not have a crush on you. There’s a time for all of that, but it is not chapter 3. He just broke out of PRISON. I think there is plenty for you to be thinking about. Speaking of which, how the heck am I supposed to believe that fifteen year old Tamara Rajavi—no matter how kick butt she is—somehow orchestrated the prison break of the most high-profile criminal in the country who was being held in the tightest security prison the mages have? With one singular Devoured? Master Rufus smote the elemental in Call’s room with one wave of his hand, how can letting loose one elemental (even if she is a Devoured) destroy this top security prison no problem. Like, it seemed like it was actually no big deal, and that the mages apparently had no wards, and that they didn’t have a specific team or group of people focusing on the Enemy of Death to make sure he was safe/not going to get away. It was like they didn’t even try to stop him. That was the easiest escape I’ve ever read. It was absolutely pathetic. Tamara is somehow the driver, despite the fact that she’s too young for a license (was it really that difficult for Anastasia to drive? They were already leaving as quickly as possible, would it really make a difference if she was seen driving away?) and somehow knew just about nothing of Assemblywoman Tarquin, even though she had supposedly gotten her help to plan the escape. Shouldn’t they have had get-togethers? This was also the worst planned prison break, because it was clear Anastasia has no plans to return to the Assembly. She blew her cover. Really badly. She was the one who said she was escorting Call out, she was the one in charge of the elementals, if she had actually wanted to try clear Call’s name, one would think she’d still want to be in a position of power.

What was Anastasia thinking when she brought Master Joseph? Doesn’t she know how badly he was trying to persuade her son to go all Evil Overlord? You would think she had done her research, questioned Master Rufus as well as other people who were at the Magisterium on what the heck happened. But no, she supposedly turns to Joseph for more than the intel on who Constantine had become. She thinks she can trust him to protect Call when all he cares about is Constantine. I just think she’s such a smart woman, and it would be really ridiculous for her to think he’s on her side. She can’t really think that. Especially after Joseph had to resort to violence to get Call, Tamara, and Jasper to go with him.

The writing seemed so different from the other books. Like I wasn’t reading a Magisterium book, but rather its cousin. It didn’t help that the pacing was a mile a minute. Boom, this happens, boom, that happens. Did I mention it’s been six months? One second we’re being interrogated, the next the building is on fire. It’s an absolute mess. There feels like there was no time for anything. A bunch of discussions cut short, and then suddenly we spend fifty pages describing Tamara. And now it feels like we’re reviving Aaron the next chapter! If this book isn’t the biggest so far, I will weep at all of this lost potential. Not to mention that discussion with Master Rufus? The shortest, most random thing to ever happen. Just filler character background that had absolutely no relevance to anything except “Hey! We promised LGBT representation, so here it is, kiddies!” It was some strange attempt to get us to like Rufus better, but that moment could have been spared until later on in the book when Call isn’t, you know, in prison. (Or better yet, earlier in the series!)

And. Of course, to absolutely no one’s shock, I am absolutely enraged about how Jasper deWinter’s character was treated. Who is this imposter? Give me the real deWinter back. The one who joked with Aaron, attempted to fight Automotones one-on-one to buy time, and was frustrated when Call didn’t think he was their friend. The one who kept Call’s secrets, and made up the lie about liking Celia to distract from the fact that they thought she was the spy. This preview held some of the biggest character regression in this series so far. Jasper, despite what I had previously assumed, was NOT part of the “elaborate” break out plan. He really WAS visiting Call the day TWO of being allowed visitors JUST to whine and complain about needing to get Celia back. That is disgusting on so many levels. The lack of regard for the fact that his supposed friend was depressed, imprisoned, and may have a death sentence looming in the near future is appalling. It seemed like a joke, and that he was actually just there to escort Call out. But no. I don’t care how loveSICK you are. That is pathetic. Jasper had so much potential for character growth. But instead of utilizing it, they kept him around for the reluctant companion trope. Anastasia practically had to shove him in the van, of course not with out his whole “My Father Will Hear About This” bull crap. Jasper was being belligerent about the concept of Tamara hoping to clear Call’s name, and not to mention his dramatic “once again swept along by the cruel broom of fate” speech was something I’m pretty sure Jasper had to get over book ONE or TWO. THREE would be a stretch. But book four? Cut me a break, the Jasper I know has gotten used to it by now. I can’t believe this one is acting like such a child. Especially with the whole Celia thing. How am I supposed to believe that he’s so obsessed with her that he lost all of his friends, and Tamara feels like he’s no longer willing to help. No longer one of them. I think the authors were trying to make his character arc dramatic in this book or something, but all they did was reduce his complex character down to the same old, same old mush you can find in any isle.

I know for sure there are things I’m forgetting, but it’s late, and if I don’t stop now, I’ll write a novel bigger than TSM on why the preview left a bad taste in my mouth.