#i’ve probably missed some things but i’m pretty sure this is a good overall

[faithinthefuturedeluxe]

louis and the lgbtq+ community: a masterpost

louis supporting queer contestants during his time as judge at x factor 2018

louis supporting the two contestants who got engaged during the x factor 2018

polari, fericadooza, chav roots in polari and the overlap between the northern england working class and the lgbtq+ community

more on gender presentation, streetwear, and the overlap between northern england working class and the lgbtq+ community, louis’ community

writing pride related words for fans

noticing, smiling and pointing at “guardian of the lgbt community” flag

signing pride flag

trans fans who’ve met him talking about louis being supportive of trans people + interaction with trans fan during the album signings + crossing off the sex questionnaire in the just like you mv

tour bus pride flag and stage pride flag

fan jumping around with pride flag at barricade and louis looking at them with a smile

louis and rainbows: here. here. here and here

fitfwt rainbow lights + “rainbow inspired track” comment from jack webber, special effect technician for the fitfwt

bigger than me cover may have been inspired by george michael

the pride flag on stage and louis’ smile

“an amazing feeling”: louis on only the brave being an anthem for fans to be themselves

all this time spotify canvas features a pride flag

the triangle tattoo

bella penfold

on noticing how queer fans find comfort with louis

queercoded lyrics

everyone is welcomed

thanks for the flag love

oscar wilde: flowers and louis

[bengiyo]

Ben’s Big BL Blurb 2: Fall is Finally Here

I am simply too busy with worth, family, other hobbies, and life to write about every show in real time anymore. I’m sorry to all the Stray Thoughts readers who’ve reached out about whether I would pick that back up, and I simply just do not have the time to do them anymore. Instead, I’ll try to do one of these as often as I can to catch up on things.

First, let’s go over some shows I finished recently that I don’t think I wrote much about.

First Note of Love

I was so happy to see Michael back on screen, and I was glad to see that he’s still able to get great chemistry with his co-star. Unfortunately, I don’t think this show was very coherent, so I didn’t get a lot out of it emotionally. It was a pretty inoffensive watch overall, and thus an easy show to put on without having to work through too much. I liked the work between everyone, and Mei Lei was such a fun character. Probably won’t return to this one, though. 

Let Free the Curse of Taekwondo

This is probably the show of the year for me. There’s so much I loved about this show. I loved that the characters had sex, but were neither rewarded nor punished for it; their sex didn’t solve any problems. I also really love how this show explored how childhood trauma expresses in two different kinds of boys, and I love that we got to see a bully reckon with his actions and get closure. I love that this show ended with them being kinda poor, but happy together. I love how messed up they both were about everything. I loved that Juyeong wasn’t stupid, and could read what was going on.

I clearly need to write a separate post to unpack everything I felt in this show.

Let’s move on to what I’m watching currently, in no particular order…starting with the lesbians, and then the worst BLs.

Apple My Love

Genuinely having fun with this GL. I like how quickly most of the drama plays out. It’s giving me quite a bit of secondhand embarrassment, but I like the characterizations in this show. This new production house brought us Knock Knock, Boys! and Monster Next Door this year. We need to keep an eyes on them. 

Haunted Hearts

I’m so fascinated by Oxin Films teaming up with Regal Entertainment. The leads are very attractive, but the cinematography is really boring. I’m trying to stay invested, but it’s kind of a sleepy watch. Also amused that they started airing a ghost romance right after Halloween ended. I’ve kind of moved on emotionally from the season.

My Damn Business

This show could be good, but it’s not. I struggled with episode 5 because our lead looked more relaxed and happier with his senior than the guy he’s getting into a romance with. There’s something missing here in this one, but I can’t exactly put my finger on it. I think it’s primarily a side effect of the short run time, but I think the boss’s interest isn’t landing properly for the employee to respond to. 

Eccentric Romance

This show could be good, but it’s not. Still, I am obsessed with a murder mystery being the primary source of confusion between our leads. I was willing to forgive this show a lot of its rough edges, but it failed to handle the turn from friendship to sexual/romance really well. I feel like our guys just started dating and having sex, and I’m a bit frustrated that they didn’t talk about it really at all, particularly since this show features two different languages spoken on screen. Genuinely looking forward to seeing how this one finishes. 

See Your Love

I’m not sure this show is exactly working that well, but everyone is very pretty and I’m having a decent time watching it. I like the way Shao Peng stands up for himself, and I like that nothing that’s happened has been totally unbelievable or unreasonable (at least with the mains). I’ll be curious how the hard of hearing and deaf viewers respond to this one once it’s complete. 

Love is Like a Poison

This show is actually so funny. I love that Shiba is in his own lawyer genre separate from everyone else, and I really like how the two of these guys have become a team. I’m curious how they manage to resolve the scamming next week, but this has been the most unexpected dynamic of the year. 

Love in the Air: Koi no Yukon

MAME won this year, y’all. We all have complicated feelings about her, but she’s secured a loving adaptation from a Japanese team that’s put solid effort into bringing her characters to life. Every character feels correct compared to their Thai counterpart we saw on screen, and that’s a strong sign that the writing behind MAME’s work is strong, even if we all have issues with the way she tackles certain themes. I’m really impressed with this adaptation, and really like this version of Rain.I also feel like this show is doing a better job blending the forthcoming couple focus shift.

Our Youth

We just got this show, but damn does it feel sharp! I’m always going to be a sucker for a cinephile character, and I’m so compelled by the way Minase is drawn to Hirukawa. The scene in episode 2 where Minase has to leave Hirukawa’s house might be one of the most impressive sequences we’ve had in a while, requiring a great deal of choreography and effort from the actors and the camera crew to pull off, and I’m excited to see how these characters split and then come back together. 

Smells Like Green Spirit

Let me just say that I need another Abe Alan appearance when he isn’t playing a character doing horrible things to his students. I’ve enjoyed meditating on the 90s with this show and what that era felt like. I’ve liked how the show has tried to focus on how different parents (especially the moms) have responded to their kids coming to terms with themselves. I’ve also really enjoyed the friendship that’s grown between Mishima and Kirino. I’m struggling with Yumeno a lot, because I’m really not a friend of bully romances. Still, I feel like this is one of those shows I’ll remember for a long time because of its focus on the 90s. 

Blue Canvas of Youthful Days

I think @lurkingshan covered reactions to episode 5 and episode 6 better than I could, and I loved @twig-tea giving context for the film history moment in episode 6. I remember screaming into the chat for friends to show up for this when I got to that moment. This show has two great pairs of dynamics going on that mirror well. It’s got such a strong handle on its characters’ motivations and how they would respond to the actions from each other. It’s probably the tightest thing I’m watching now, backed by extremely dialed-in performances. I will be thinking about Qi Lu organizing his potential first kiss with Qin Xiao, and how unapologetic he’s been about the entire affair. He’s being selfish here, but I kinda like it. I’m so thankful that we are somehow still getting this show, because goddamn do the Chinese actors deliver on chemistry sometimes.

Interview With the Vampire Season 2

I finished this with a friend last week, and holy fuck is this show still so, so good. We watch a lot of gay romance because of BL, and I am having so much fun watching the show about gay divorce. I loved the time we spent in Paris, Daniel’s shifting role in the narrative, and the new insights we got into Lestat this season. I will miss Claudia so much, and I have to give a standing ovation to Delainey Hayles stepping into the role of Claudia and doing the damn thing this season. I just love seeing my little fucked up gay people torment each other on screen.

I'm still thinking about Louis and Lestat reuniting in a hurricane after Claudia derided this as yet another chapter in their stormy romance.

Dropped Shows

Unfortunately, everyone can’t win. Some of these shows are just too long for me to keep up with them, and oftentimes I get bored. I’ve currently dropped:

Lovesick 2024 - I may go back. We’ll see

Jack & Joker - It’s just too long, and they just killed Jennie and a kid. I’m good.

Fourever You - I’m bored with Earth always playing this character type.

Pluto - Namtam and Film are beautiful, but this looks too messy right now.

Every You, Every Me - Wasn’t intrigued after episode 1, but the commentary may draw me back.

Kidnap - Ohm is not enough to keep me invested in this show. 

Uncle Unknown - How did they make a 6 minute show feel slow?

I’m genuinely not trying to be harsh to Thai shows out here, but I just do not have the time to keep up with all of them when they’re this long and dragging.

Thanks for stopping by, and let me know if there’s something I missed that I should check out.

[animsid]

I hope you don't mind, but now that I've finally found someone who's listening to Magnus Protocol but hasn't listened to Magnus Archives I will be studying you like a bug under a magnifying glass. I've been dying to know how the show hits from a non archives perspective. So in that vein, if you don't mind me questioning you, what are your overall thoughts on the show so far? Also what's it like seeing the fandom response from people who have listened to archives? Have you been successful in avoiding spoilers?

Honestly I’ve been loving Protocol.

I’m not 100% sure what to translate since I don’t know what Archives context I’m missing, but I can try to tell you what I really like about Protocol.

I really do love the format of Protocol. It’s mostly an office drama story, which on its own is appealing, but the statements from FR3-D1 put in each episode gives the story this underlying horror aspect to it. So when I listen to an episode, often times if the statement portion feels lacking, the office drama really brings up the episode and the vice versa.

Then things start to get a lot more creepier when the two intersect (The Magnus Institute, Mr. Bonzo, Lady Mowbray, the Drowning Victim, the Archivist, etc.) and by this point in the story, we’re so close to having a full merge.

Since this is my first real dive into horror podcasts, I do want to engage with the fan community, but it’s hard to balance being spoiler-free at the same time. I do know some general spoilers that I haven’t updated in a while, but is mostly still accurate. I don’t know what an Archivist is, but I am aware that AU versions of Archives characters have made their debut here.

I am aware that Protocol is going a lot faster than Archives. From what I understand of Archives, it has a lot more slow build up rather than Protocol which I has a pretty good pace. Might be because Protocol has less than half the episodes as Archives.

It’s really interesting how the fandom keeps losing their minds over stuff that I’m just like “yeah cool let’s see where that goes”. Like E26 where the Archivist was named, I felt like I took on the perspective of Alice/Gwen/Sam where I’m like “okay… and this means what?” while the rest of the fandom is taking the Celia perspective of “OH NO”.

Or even this recent episode where this Minister Trevor Herbert dude was. Like I have no idea what this dude is and why everyone is absolutely screaming, crying, throwing up that he’s here, and that is fascinating.

It’s been pretty interesting when I bring up something that felt weird or off that just went nowhere, and my friends revealing some info. I’m like “WHAT” and they’re just like “oh thats not common knowledge?” And I’m just there like “huh?!?” Which turns out, the Hilltop Centre was actually important.

I mostly wish the fandom would tag archives spoilers with #tma /#the Magnus archives / #tma vague just so that spoilers could be tagged a little bit better, but to be fair I am one of the rare people that doesn’t intersect the Venn diagram between archives and protocol.

But overall, I really am loving Protocol. I don’t know when I’ll listen to Archives (probably after Protocol’s three seasons are over) but I will listen to it eventually. Feel free to send more asks my way.

[runningincircl3s]

Nothing Ever After

Noah Sebastian x Reader x Vinny Mauro

Chapter Eighteen

chapter warnings: none?

masterlist

happy monday bffs!! editing and posting this rn with vin's drum stream in the background :) i've written up to chapter 24 now so i'm thinking about posting another chapter on friday again! i'm getting closer and closer to the end of this fic which i’m pretty sad about HOWEVER i’ve started to plan what’s going to come next🤭

Hey, I’m sorry for how I acted towards you today, I just didn't want Rick finding out. I hope I haven’t… Unlock to view more. 

Noah scrunched his face up as he read the message over again, wondering what on earth that could’ve been about. However, he knew better than to intervene in your life where it’s not needed, so he put your phone back down and let himself out of your room. As he was about to leave, your phone buzzed again, but he fought against what his mind was telling him and left before he did something he may regret.

He would be lying if he said he didn't think about unlocking your phone and seeing what that was all about, and what Ricky could've possibly found out about. Maybe five years ago that would've been the sort of thing he'd do, but not anymore. He put his trust in you, and let it go.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

You were rudely awoken the next morning to the sound of knocking at your door. Struggling to open your eyes, you kicked the sheets off with a groan and rushed to answer the door.

"What do you want?" You mumbled, still half asleep as you rubbed your eyes.

“Good morning to you too!” Bryan laughed, handing you a small brown paper bag, “I thought I’d bring you some breakfast and check in on you after last night...” 

“I can’t even remember half of last night,” with a yawn, you stepped to the side to let him in, “I didn’t do anything embarrassing did I? The last thing I want to do is ruin your guys' cool and mysterious reputation.”

“Our reputation's untouched but yours...” he smirked, “Noah had to drag you out when you started to sing just pretend.”

“Oh shit,” you laughed, “I better apologise to him later. What time do we need to be on the bus?”

“About nine, we still have an hour before we've got to be on the road.” 

“Okay cool.” You said, sitting back down on your bed.

There was a brief silence before Bryan spoke again, his tone shifting slightly.

“So… I wanted to check up on you, not just after last night but in general,” he said, his eyes softening. “We’re halfway through the tour now, and I haven’t really asked you how you’re doing. You holding up okay?”

You smiled at him.

“Yeah... I think I’m doing alright. I've had my ups and downs and sometimes I still think this is all a dream, but yeah... Overall, I'm good.” You nodded.

“Well I’m glad to hear that,” he says, “Oh and before I forget, Chris has asked if you can fill in for them again tonight. I’ve heard their photographer keeps having issues with the travel side of things and he keeps missing dates.”

“Yeah... That's cool.” 

“You don’t sound too excited about that,” he chuckles, “Are you sure everything's okay?”

“Yeah,” you smiled weakly, “I think I’m just tired… and hungry.” 

“Well, I’ve got you a bagel,” Bryan said, gesturing to the brown paper bag. “Anyway I can't stay for too long, I need to find Matt, but I’ll catch up with you again later.”

“That's okay. Thank you, Bry.” You said, giving him a genuine smile as he left your room. 

As you began to eat, you reached for your phone, feeling slightly surprised when you saw you had a couple texts from Vinny.

 Hey look I’m sorry for how I acted towards you today, I just didn't want Rick finding out. I hope I haven’t upset you

But I've been thinking a lot about us and I really think we could make something work if you’re happy to. I'm gonna be totally honest, I can’t ignore the way I feel about you anymore y/n, and I know even if you won’t admit it that you feel the same. We should probably talk about this in person tomorrow, but until then I hope you’re okay. Good night x

You read the text over again, slightly taken back at the confession, before replying

Morning :) You didn’t upset me, I guess I was just surprised at how you reacted. But I’m happy to talk later if you are.

Btw I’m with you guys tonight so I might see if I can sneak on your bus with you this morning x

It didn’t take long for him to reply, you barely had a chance to take another bite of your bagel before you had a message back.

Wow I don’t even remember texting you last night lmao

You better hurry your ass up then, we’re leaving in about 10 minutes. I’ll come by your room and get you :) x

You cursed, nearly tripping over your own feet as you scrambled to pack your suitcase, brush your teeth, and fix your hair, your bagel long forgotten. Before you could even get dressed for the day, there was a knock on your door.

“Do I have time to get changed?” You asked, opening the door to find Ricky and Vinny standing there.

“All the guys are already down there... can you do that on the bus?” Rick asked, pressing buttons on his camera before holding it up to face him.

“I guess.” You sighed, slipping your shoes on and grabbing your bag and suitcase.

“Good morning guys... It's out first night on tour after our week off, we just came to get y/n,” Rick says as you shut the door behind you and wave to the camera, “We’re about to go and check out of the hotel, I’ll see you when we’re on the bus!”

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

“Update, I’m tired! This tour never seems to be ending,” Justin groaned, pointing at the camera, ignoring Ryan as he reminds him everybody's just taken a week off, “Uh.. We’re on our way to tonight's venue- And hey, look, y/n’s with us today! Rick has an extra person to annoy… So he can leave me alone now! Please! Thank you!” He pointed at you with a smirk as he backed away. 

“Fuck you!” You called out, laughing as Ricky panned the camera toward you, waiting for you to say something.

You were sitting beside Vinny, who had his head resting on your shoulder as he watched you play a game. He was acting like nothing happened yesterday, like nothing happened over the weekend, which you wouldn't complain about- it saved all the awkwardness and questions. You were waiting for a moment alone with him where you could talk about yesterday, and what he really meant in his message last night. However, with Rick's camera in your face, you worried you wouldn't get a chance.

“Update,” you sighed, faking a smile, “I’m playing animal crossing and procrastinating. I have photos to edit but I don’t want to do it yet because my laptop is fucked, I'm scared it's actually going to blow up, so I’m waiting until I can steal Bryan’s when we get to the venue-"

“Oh is that a fish?” Vinny pointed at the screen, “Can I catch it?”

“You can borrow my laptop.” Ricky offered, putting his camera down, “I don’t know what you usually use to edit but I have a few different apps and software's downloaded on it, you could play about with them and see if they're any good.”

“Really?” You looked up at him in surprise. “I’d really appreciate that, Rick. Thanks.”

“Of course! I’ll go and get it.” 

“Vin, I am trusting you with my island, don't cause any trouble or spend all my bells... She's in your hands.” You say, passing him your switch before getting up to follow Ricky. 

“I feel honoured.” He smiled. "I'll take good care of it."

As you followed Rick back to the bunks, you noticed he was on a call, and you didn’t want to interrupt. You awkwardly stood there as he spoke, keeping your eye on Vinny as you tried your best not to listen in, but you couldn't help it.

“Should I tell him?” Ricky tried to keep his voice low. “Or do you want to keep it a surprise?... Yeah? Okay… Well, that’s great. Sure, I'll let you know, thank you! Bye.”

He hung up, turning to find you standing awkwardly in the hallway.

“Sorry, that was Vin’s dad,” Ricky explained, gesturing to his phone in his hand. “Don’t tell him, but his parents are coming to surprise him at our next show. They just wanted to double-check the details.”

Your heart sank, panic blooming in your chest. Vinny’s parents were coming?

“What?” Your mouth went dry, shaking your head. “No, I won’t say a word…”

“Thanks,” he smiled, “Anyway, here's my laptop, the password is Ryan's birthday."

You spent the entire journey to the next venue wondering how the hell you would go about the next show. Surely if you stayed with the Bad Omens guys then you wouldn’t cross paths with his parents, but then they’d be asking questions and if any of the others caught wind of the situation after this weekend you’d both have a ton of explaining to do.

Once you were at the next venue all the guys began setting up as you sat with Ryan, who had hurt his back the night before so was excused from any heavy lifting. You had gotten a few pictures of the guys throughout the morning so you could edit them with Rick’s laptop, playing about with the different editing apps he had installed.

“So how are you finding the tour?” Ryan asked, looking up from his phone. The two of you were sat outside the bus with a couple chairs you stole from the venue, the morning sun shining down bright onto the both of you.

“It’s nothing like I expected,” you admitted, “But it’s been fun. I’ve loved getting to know you guys... some more than others.”

“Oh yeah?” He smirked, looking over at Rick, wiggling his eyebrows

“What?”

“I saw you and Rick earlier,” he teased, “Isn’t Noah going to be upset?”

“Ricky?!” You burst out laughing, “No! Hasn’t he got a girlfriend?”

“I don’t know, does he?” Ryan furrowed his eyebrows, “If he does then I haven't met her. He’s quite a private guy, I guess.”

“Guess who…” A voice from behind you made you jump as you felt a pair of hands cover your eyes. 

“An angel?” 

“Close enough.” Angela smiled down at you, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. “Noah was asking about you by the way, I don’t think he realised I’ve literally just got here.”

“He is? Where is he?” You asked, and she pointed to the door that led inside. 

“He’s setting something up by the stage with Matt, he also asked if you were hungover but you don’t look it, what happened last night?” She chuckled. 

“Shit I forgot about last night.” You shook your head, watching Ryan smile as a curious look spread across Ang’s face. “There was a karaoke night at a bar by our hotel, long story short... Noah had to walk me back after a couple hours.”

“And you didn’t invite us!” Ryan gasped dramatically.

“I had to spend all weekend with Vin, I needed a break from you guys! Anyway, I guess I’ll go and look for Noah. I need to thank him for getting me back safe.” You said, getting up from the fold up chair and giving Angela a hug before you made your way into the venue. 

After a few minutes of wandering, you eventually found the guys and gave them a wave as you approached them. 

“How are you feeling?” Noah asked, laughing as he handed Matt something to plug into their sound equipment. 

“Not too bad,” you smiled, “Thanks for getting me to bed last night. I don’t remember too much of it if I'm being honest.” 

“I think that’s for the best,” Matt laughed, “Me and Bryan said you should go up there and sing just pretend tonight- give you a chance to finish what you started last night!"

“Give me a mic and I’ll do it.” You grinned as Noah shook his head. 

“I just wanted to make sure you’re alright, I asked Angela when she came through just now but she said she hadn't seen you."

“Yeah she sent me to you,” you smile, “Need any help with anything?” You felt quite helpless as you watched them all stress over whether the cables were plugged into the right places and try to figure out which one was loose.

"No, I think we're good." Noah slowly nodded his head, carefully watching Matt take his hat off to scratch his head.

He wondered whether he should bring up the message from Vinny last night, but he didn't want you to think he was snooping on your phone. Despite his curiosity, he chose not to bring it up, but he'd keep his eye on you today instead, maybe he could piece things together. He thought perhaps he could start by asking you one simple question...

Y/n," Noah begun, but was interrupted by Chris.

“You could go and get some pictures of Rick over there,” Chris laughed from behind you, and as you turned you spotted Ricky standing with his guitar on him with his phone in his hand, “Catch his ass slacking!” He grinned. 

However, you were quickly distracted by Vinny at the drums. Shirtless at the drums. Sure, it was hot in this venue, but everybody else managed to stay fully dressed. 

“I... uh, left my camera by the bus,” you say, “I’ll get it and I’ll be right back.” 

As you left, you could see Vinny glancing at you. You tried not to blush as you pushed the doors open and made your way back to the bus. You desperately wanted to tell him about the news you received from Ricky, to put a plan in place to stop them from saying anything to the others, but you also wanted his parents visiting to be a nice surprise for him. 

However, there was one thing that was for sure- you needed to talk to Angela. 

“Back so soon?” Angela gave you a smile as you sat back at the table, you had passed Ryan on the way out, leaving the two of you alone. "Everything good?"

“I forgot my camera.” You said, sighing as you sat back in the chair, “Ang, we have a problem.” 

“What is it?” She asked, putting her phone down on the table and taking off her sunglasses.

“Vin’s parents are coming to the next show to surprise him, but if you remember Vinny told them that I'm his-”

“Angela?” You heard Chris call out, spotting the two of you and smiling, “Do you want to get yourself set up?”

“Of course.” She nodded, watching as Chris put his thumbs up and walked back into the building. “Look, we’re not too far from my apartment for the next couple shows, why don’t you stay over tonight? I’ve got ice cream, wine,” she smiled, getting up from her chair, “We can have a catch up if you want?”

“I’d love that!” You grin, “Thank you.” 

“Any time!” She said, pulling you into a hug. 

As she left, you spotted your camera and picked it up, expecting to see some candid pictures of the guys when upload them onto the laptop, as it wasn’t in the place you had left it. 

As you made your way back into the venue, your camera in hand, you spotted Rick standing by the side, still absorbed in his phone. You grinned, ready to take the shot, but then you caught a glimpse of Vinny across the room. He was deep in conversation with the rest of the band, but his eyes kept flicking toward you, but you tried to ignore this.

You snapped a couple shots of Rick, chuckling to yourself as he didn't even seem to notice you were taking his picture. You glanced back over at Vinny, who began walking away from the group, heading backstage. He gave you a nod of his head, basically saying 'follow me'.

You left your camera by Nicholas, asking him to keep his eye on it as you followed Vin, trying to keep up with him.

“Hey.” He greeted you softly as you followed him into the room, he reached into the mini fridge, grabbing a couple bottles of water, holding one out to you.

"Hi," you smiled nervously. "So... I think we need to talk."

Vinny nodded.

"Yeah, I..." He paused, thinking of how to word his next sentence. "I'm sorry for snapping at you yesterday, you didn’t deserve that. I’ve just been so stressed lately with the tour, my parents, my roommate’s broken our tv…” He sighs, “And then I’ve been thinking about everything... About us, about you."

There was a vulnerability in the way he spoke that you had never heard before. Vinny was usually the most unserious guy in the room, always making people laugh and having fun, seeing him open up like this felt like you were seeing a whole new side of him.

"What do you mean?" You asked, meeting his gaze.

"That night at the hotel... That felt like more than just a fuck to me." He chuckled, "We weren't just releasing tension, were we? It felt… I dunno. I don't know how to explain it, y/n, but I know you felt it too."

You felt your chest tighten, and there was a lump in your throat as you nodded your head.

"I know... I did, I felt it too," you confess, "But we've talked about this before, Vin. There's Noah, and there's our friendship- I don't want to risk losing that if I hurt you again."

"You won't," he assures you, a soft smile on his face as he speaks, "I know your situation with Noah, and I'm telling you right now that if you're down for it then so am I."

"What exactly are you down for...?" You furrowed your eyebrows.

"You," he smirked, "Can we just give it a try maybe? I'm not asking for a relationship, I'm not asking for you to drop Noah but... Y'know, if you two still aren't exclusive then... Could we…?" He couldn’t bring himself to say the words.

"Last month you told me you can't do this," you frowned, "You told me you’ve been in an arrangement like this before and you can’t do it again. You're totally sure this is okay? You know we'll have to keep everything a secret, right? Folio, Matt and Angela know about us, Ricky’s bound to find out at some point, but it can’t go any further, okay?"

Vin was silent as he nodded his head.

"I know," he sighed, "It's taken some time but I've realised that's what I want. The thrill of it, the risk, I'm willing to give it a try if you are."

You exhaled slowly, a hesitant smile tugging at your lips.

"Okay… If you're sure you really want this. But if anyone, especially Noah, starts asking questions…" you added, "We're just friends."

"Of course," he nods, "But I need to know something, I've been wondering for a while now and I apologise if it's too invasive...”

“Okay…”

“When we were talking about that feeling we felt back in the hotel this weekend, do you feel that when you're with Noah?"

You thought for a moment. Sure, you felt many things when you are with Noah, some things you don't feel around Vinny, but have you ever felt that?

When you’re with Noah you feel nothing but pure pleasure, and you know that’s his aim. He doesn’t care about himself when he’s with you, he prides himself in being a giver rather than a receiver. When you’re with Vinny, however, you feel like you’re both in the moment, you’re connected- dare you even say it, you feel love.

Was that what that feeling was?

Before you could even open your mouth to answer, the sound of footsteps echoed from the hallway, and you both turned to see Noah walking in, phone in his hand.

"Everything okay?" Noah asked, raising an eyebrow as he looked between you and Vinny.

You nodded quickly, trying to think of something to say.

"Yeah, uh, are you ready for tonight?"

"Our biggest crowd so far? Yeah, I'd say so." He smiled, bending down to plug his charger into his phone. “How are you feeling?”

“Kinda nervous,” you confess, “Vin was giving me a pep talk, right?”

“Yeah,” he nodded, "Anyway I'd better, uh... Get back to the others." Vinny said, giving you a soft smile before leaving the room.

There was quite a silence between you and Noah as you both stood there, opposite sides of the room. He was the one to break the silence first, taking a breath as he crossed his arms before he asked.

"So... What did Vinny not want Rick to find out about?"

You scoffed, screwing your face in confusion.

"What?"

"I saw he texted you last night, I didn't mean to look but your phone was right in front of me and I saw the message. Then, I come in here to charge my phone and it's like I walked in on something, you both had the same look in your eyes as if to say 'oh shit!' when you saw me. Is there something going on between you two?"

"No, Noah..." You chuckled, trying your best to be as convincing as possible as you lie straight to his face, "He didn't want Ricky to find out about the birthday present he bought in New York!" You were shocked as the words left your lips, how you covered your back so quickly, "I accidently said something about it without realising he was there, Vin was pissed and... Yeah." You pressed your lips together as you nodded your head.

You couldn't tell if Noah bought your story or not, but he didn't question anything.

Surely that was a good sign, right?

------------------------------

@rumoured-whispers @collisionofyourkissmakesitsohard @lma1986 @thisbicc @dominuslunae @miss570 @miamore0570 @jilliemiw86 @itsyaboinoah @kait16xo @discocowgirly @rainy-darling

[elliereject]

creep .1

* in which you’re dragged to a frat party and spend most of it lingering in the corner, that is until a certain auburn-haired girl with unusually sharp canines appears next you and turns your night into something much more interesting.

* loserish!reader, vamp!ellie 😫, hemophilia if you squint, creepy ellie…duh, depictions of a singular graphic scene at the end, kissing, biting, heavy petting. that’s pretty much it lmk if I missed anything..nsfw in future chapter(s)

* this is one of the only things I’ve written recently that I’ve enjoyed writing and found decent so I hope u enjoy it, I’m glad I got this out before Halloween too, I’ve had vamp!ellie rattling around in my head a for a while, yk, fellow writers..I’d love to see..werewolf!abby..haha jk jk, unless 🫣..

*mdni

wc ~ 1k

pt 2. coming soon

“God, ★ can you go dance? It’s a fucking party loosen up!”

You held your red solo cup up to your “friend” and gave her an awkward smile. “I’m good over here!”

She sighed and rolled her eyes before slipping back into the sweaty crowd.

This was the most uncomfortable you’ve ever felt in your life.

It was a Saturday night; the chilly air, crunchy leaves, and overall mood of the season had deluded you into wanting to go out and socialize, so for the first time in a long time you agreed to attend a frat party with a “friend” you’d met in one of your classes.

It took you almost an hour to get ready, and as you reapplied your eyeliner for the fifth time you hoped that the saying “when you look good, you feel good” was true and you didn’t spend 20 minutes picking your outfit in vain.

Once you were ready, your “friend” picked you up from your dorm and the two of you walked over to the party, she was already a little tipsy from pre-gaming in her dorm with her roommate who was going to some other party so you had to make sure she didn’t stumble onto her face more than once.

The makeshift bouncer, a senior named Grey, or Grug or something gave you a once-over before looking at your friend who had to clarify you were with her, which definitely didn’t deflate your confidence.

Before you were even in the crowded, humid house, you knew you weren’t going to enjoy yourself, you never really did at parties if you were being honest, but you didn’t think your “friend” would ditch you to go grind her ass on some random chads and brads, yet here you were, nursing a cherry seltzer, and there she was, shaking ass.

Yay, college!

You were about to take another sip from your cup when a presence suddenly appeared beside you that made you jump out of your skin and caused your drink to slosh onto the already sticky floor.

“Shit! What the fuck?” You asked, looking up at the figure who seemingly appeared out of thin air.

“Fuck! Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you, you just looked bored.” She replied, her voice was gravelly and her eyes, the colour of jade. Her auburn hair was cut short and freckles were scattered across her face. Safe to say she was hot. “I can go get you another drink?”

You waved it off, “It’s fine, it wasn’t that good anyways. Plus I should probably pay more attention to my surroundings, even if I am bored.”

She hummed out a sound of understanding, “Not your scene?”

You shrugged, “Not really,” you eyed her outfit, blue jeans with a green flannel and a brown leather jacket, converse. “Doesn’t seem like yours either.”

“Really? Cause I like just made out with Bryson in the storage closet, it was suuuupper hot.” She said, pointing a ringed finger to a blond dude clad in a football jersey who was currently shoving his tongue down a blonde girl's throat.

You allowed yourself a small smile, hot and funny? Yikes.

“Pretty sure his name is Brickson, but close enough.”

“What the fuck kind of name is Brickson?” She laughed, “Did a brick fall on his head after he was born or some shit?”

You shrugged before smiling, fully, “Judging by how flat the top of his looks? Probably.”

She snorted at this and you couldn’t help but feel a sense of pride, you made this hot, funny, cool girl laugh, you!

“Hey, so don’t freak out but that guy’s been staring at you for the past 10 minutes.” She said, flicking her head in the direction of said guy.

You turned your head to look at him, he wasn’t..unattractive. He was muscular and had on a sports jersey that seemed to small for his build, his hair was cut into a messy mullet and when he met your gaze he…winked.

You cringed and looked back at the cool girl, “I hope he doesn’t think anything’s gonna happen, he’s not really my type.”

She gave you a knowing smile before asking, “And what exactly is your type?”

You shrugged, “Preferably someone with boobs.”

She sighed, “Can’t relate, I love penis.”

You gave her a pointed look and she laughed, “What? Not believable?”

You rolled your eyes, “Not in the slight—“ your eyes widened as they looked past her shoulder. “Shit, he’s walking over here.”

“Wanna do something crazy then?” She asked quickly, her jade eyes meeting yours and you found yourself nodding before she even finished her sentence. Hell, you’d bark if she asked you to. “Just follow my lead.”

Her large hand wrapped around your waist while her other found purchase on your neck, before you could think her lips were on yours. Slightly chapped but soft and enticing, kissing her was easy and you felt like you could do it forever.

Her skin was so cold you could feel it through your clothes. Your mind was completely encapsulated by her presence and just as you were starting to get used to it, she pulled away.

You thought whatever moment the two of you shared was over but you were wrong. Her lips trailed along your jaw, and her grip on your waist tightened. The hand that had been holding your neck was now on your hip, caressing back and forth with tenderness that had your thighs clenching, wanting more.

Each kiss felt like a snowflake melting into your skin until she was down to your neck. She kissed and nibbled on it before pausing.

“What’s wr—Ow! What the hell? Did you just–bite me?”

She chuckled after pulling away, “Never gotten a hickey before?”

You went quiet, because, well you haven’t but you’re sure it didn’t result in genuine blood trickling out of one’s body.

You traced your fingers over the mark and winced, it was most definitely going to leave a scar. She must’ve seen the discontentment on your face because she spoke up.

“Don’t worry, it’ll heal up quickly, you won’t even notice there was something there by tomorrow.” Her eyes clung to drops of blood dribbling down your neck.

You scoffed, “Let me guess, you’ve done this before?”

“Kind of.” She shrugged after what looked like reluctantly peeling her eyes away from your neck. “That guy’s gone though, must’ve scared him off.”

You smiled at her, “Must’ve been my presence, I can be pretty intimidating.”

She laughed loudly at this and you felt your confidence inflate once again. So much so, that the idea of asking for her number even popped into your head. But it was overtaken by more rational thoughts,

What if she thought you were weird? That you were moving to quick? Or what if she was just looking for someone to take home tonight, which you wouldn’t be opposed to but—

“Hey.” She snapped her fingers in front of your face.

“Sorry, what’d you say?” You asked sheepishly, you can’t believe you spaced out in front of her, you could’ve sworn she was hypnotizing you with her laugh or something.

“You do need to pay more attention to your surroundings,” She said, giving you a small smile, “Never know what kind of creeps are lurking around at these parties.”

You rolled your eyes, “I’m sure I can hold my own against a Chad or a Brittney.”

“I’m sure you could but—��� The music that had previously been wafting through the room turned up abruptly and you’d missed the last part of what she said.

“What?!” You shouted, putting your hand up to cup your ear.

She chuckled softly and leaned down so her lips were practically grazing the shell of your ear, the smell of mint, whiskey, and something metallic filled your senses.

When she spoke, a shiver racked through your body, “But if it was someone a little smarter? More discreet? If they snuck up beside you and covered your mouth? Or slipped something in your drink? Pulled you away? Would anybody notice, would anybody care?”

You pushed her away, her cool, easy going demeanor suddenly shifting into something eerie and uncomfortable. Her jade eyes gazed at you curiously as a blood-curdling shriek ripped through the house.

She jutted her thumb over her shoulder, “That’s my cue. See you around, ★.” She said, giving you a genuine smile, and it was just now you finally noticed her unusually sharp canines.

You gazed down at your drink as others pushed and shoved around, scrambling to get out of the house, away from all the horror.

And as you pulled a small scrap of paper out of your empty cup, 10 numbers and a name scrawled across it in red ink; you finally looked up to see your friend's lifeless body sprawled across the living room floor, her limbs bent in odd angles.

Yay, college!

[musette22]

Hi Minnie!

Just recently I started to watch MCU movies, after years of refusing to consume anything Marvel related. 😅

And the reason for starting now is rather silly. Although I never watched Marvel movies I’ve been reading MCU fanfiction for years now, mostly Stucky fics. So because I wanted more context for the stories I read, I decided to finally watch the Infinity saga.

Of course I already know how it all will end and more importantly how the Stucky story is going to end… 😖

While scrolling through your blog, I read that you decided not to watch anything new that Marvel releases. And from what I understand the reason for your decision is the way the Stucky relationship/ Steve’s character was handled? As someone who used to observe the MCU from the side line and not as a fan/ a shipper I always was, and kinda still am, surprised, that people thought a huge main stream franchise like the MCU would portray a gay relationship on screen, especially between two of their main male heros. Are there other queer relationships in the MCU?

The latest MCU movie I’ve seen is “Age of Ultron”, so the next entry on my list is “Antman” and then “Civil War” (the last CA movie with Steve, as far as I know. 😭).

Because I've missed the initial fan reactions and the overall fandom craze, I think now I’m just extremely curious what it was like back then, especially as a Stucky fan.

Is all hope lost to see a canon version of Stucky? (I know there is a series called What if…, which explores other story variations???)

Anyway I hope my message is not too confusing. It is just very interesting to join a fandom this late and I just want to get a slight feeling of what it was like back then, when everything still seemed possible.

Hi sweetheart! Thanks so much for your message, and welcome! 💗 It's so lovely to see new faces join the fandom lately 🥰

Oh my god, I love that you read Stucky fic before having seen the source material, that's amazing. Kudos to you! I think it's understandable that you'd want more context and that you're curious about the movies, and very brave of you to watch them since you also know how the canon story plays out...

I personally only joined the fandom in 2017, so I sadly also missed the heyday of the Stucky fandom, after CATWS and before Civil War came out. I think for the most part, after Civil War, people knew not to hope for or expect too much from MCU when it came to Stucky, so I also never really experienced the days when everything still seemed possible. But up until Endgame, things were definitely still a little more hopeful, that is true.

As for your question about why Endgame infuriated us so much, and what we expected to get instead: I think it's really important to stress that most people in the fandom never actually expected Stucky to become canon. Sure, there were some hopes and dreams, and there were probably some people who did think it could happen, but most of us were very aware of the fact that the MCU - which, like you accurately said, is a huge mainstream franchise - would never actually feature an on screen romance between two of their main male heroes. Sadly, in the world we live in, that's still pretty much out of the question, and we knew that.

In reality, all most of us ever wanted from those last few movies was a few ambiguous looks or lines, a couple of heartfelt hugs and smiles, and an ending in which they both, you know, remained in the same general area and timeline 🙃 But for a whole bunch of nefarious reasons, Marvel/Disney couldn't even let us have that - they had to separate them for good and really hammer home the Disney exec and MCU bro ideal of Steve not only being straight as an arrow, but perfectly happy living out his retirement in some idealized version of the past without any of his friends and present-day loved ones by his side. Which, I'm sure you'll agree, makes no sense whatsoever considering his characterization in the previous movies.

But I digress 😅 My point is: generally speaking, we never actually expected Stucky to become canon, we just hoped they'd at least remain ambiguous best friends forever, and Endgame ruined those hopes completely. But we clawed ourselves out of the depths of despair eventually, and have maintained a thriving fandom ever since!

As for What if..? Sadly, that show has so far only tried to drive home the Steggy romance (unsuccessfully, since they did it using the exact plotline from CATFA that was originally Steve and Bucky's, so...) and had Steve and Bucky fight each other as zombies or something (I didn't watch it), so yeah, I really don't think we can expect to get canon Stucky from that either, unfortunately.

But all that aside -- the Cap trilogy, particularly CATFA and CATWS, is pretty damn great, and some of the other movies were enjoyable too, if I remember correctly. So I hope you have a great time watching them, regardless of what came after! 😊 And fortunately, once you're all done with the movies, you have fandom and its incredible fanworks to come back to, which give these boys the stories and happy endings they actually deserve ❤️

Sending hugs and happy watching! <33

[girlacticrailroad]

the top five GLs of 2024

2024 is maybe the first year in human history you could conceivably have a Top Ten list for GLs. That in itself is momentous. I’m not going to actually do a Top Ten because, although I probably watched ten shows released last year (it is my duty and my curse to consume all things GL-related), I certainly wouldn’t recommend them all. I do however recommend all of these! With caveats of course.

There are a few shows I haven’t seen yet that might deserve a spot on this list. Brazilian GL Xeque-Mate came out last year but I haven’t gotten around to it. Although the first season ran in 2022, the second season of She Loves to Cook, and She Loves to Eat aired in 2024. I’m sure there are others I missed.

The huge wave of GL releases on the horizon makes me hopeful that 2025 will bring us enough quality to do a proper Top Ten. Until then you’ll have to settle for this Top Five...plus a lil extra.

Honorable Mention: Apple My Love

If you’re a gay loser and your friend group isn’t this iconic, what are you doing with your life?

By my count there were six Chao Planoy adaptations released in 2024 (six!!), of which Apple My Love had by far the best opening credits and theme song. Other distinguishing features include the cute friend group and the mind-boggling ten-minute love scene, which I cannot believe was actually filmed and aired. Overall I like Apple My Love for its scrappy underdog “little rom-com that could” energy. It’s like a nice little speedrun of every GL trope. (Except for the aforementioned love scene, which feels like being trapped in lesbian purgatory. Was the editor on holiday perhaps? Were they trying to set some sort of record?)

5. Ayaka Is in Love with Hiroko!

The colors are very good.

Ayaka Is in Love with Hiroko! is by far the best Japanese GL I’ve seen. It’s also short, sweet, and to the point—just eight half-hour episodes. Despite being an over-the-top workplace comedy, it’s refreshingly grounded in actual LGBTQ experience and culture (at least compared to something like Gap). Hiroko has known she’s into women since high school. She frequents a lesbian bar where she rants about oblivious straight girls who act flirty without realizing it. Authentic details like these make the characters feel real. The series addresses the challenges faced by queer women in the workplace while keeping the tone mostly light and sweet.

4. Reverse 4 You

That height difference tho.

I’m sorry but there’s a four in the title. I couldn’t resist. Reverse 4 You is the first Thai GL series to prominently feature time travel. And also murder, probably. And it’s surprisingly not bad! The characters are good, the romance is cute, the tropes are troping, as they say. And the plot, while it’s not the deepest or most original, is a nice change of pace from the typical relationship drama. Oh and Vivi, the little sister, is adorable! The only major problem is the rushed ending, an unfortunate consequence of trying to cram a 700-page novel into 8 episodes. (A sort-of sequel, Reverse With Me, based on another book in the same series, is currently airing, but I haven’t watched it.)

3. Affair

Gals being pals.

Affair requires the longest string of disclaimers of any show on this list. So uhh let’s get this out of the way: If you’re looking for healthy relationship dynamics, Affair is not the show for you. Wan and Pleng share exactly one horny brain cell, and they don’t share it nicely. If you’re looking for thoughtful and nuanced writing...Affair is definitely not for you. The characters are pretty one-note—Wan is jealous and possessive, Pleng is guilty and repressed—and the plot is bizonkos. If you’re looking for something well-made in an aesthetic sense, well, Affair looks pretty good at least, by GL standards, though a bit sterile for my taste. But there is really only one reason to watch Affair, at the end of the day, and that is the mesmerizing set-your-screen-on-fire chemistry of Lookmhee Wangpongsathaporn and Sonya Saranphat Pedersen. They are a force of nature. And while the script might be objectively bad, it is very good at engineering situations where Wan looks at Pleng like she’s a big steamy bowl of noodles while their lips hover two inches apart. The tension is unreal. If you can surrender to the silly sexy fantasy of it all (and ignore the fact that, if this were real life, these characters should be seeking psychological help), Affair is a fun romp.

2. Pluto

I literally just noticed that the blurry thing in the foreground is an armillary sphere. Symbolism...?!?

As I discuss at length in my full review, Pluto is a mess. But the highs are high indeed, and I can’t help but admire its ambition, in spite of everything. Worth watching for the chance to see what everyone’s raving about so you can make up your own mind about it.

1. 23.5

ViewJune...gone but not forgotten.

23.5 is the anime you show to your non-anime-watching friends when you don’t want to scare them off. But the Thai GL version of that. It’s not a masterpiece by any means, but it’s not trying to be one. What it is trying to be is a heartwarming high school slice-of-life rom-com—and it’s a really good one of those, with a well-rounded cast full of charm and personality. The side characters, from the bookish devout Buddhist girl Charoen to our neurodivergent queen Aylin, all leave a lasting impression. And while other GLs might reach greater heights of unintentional hilarity, 23.5 is actually funny on purpose! It’s also one of precious few shows to do right by its trans characters. They’re funny because of their personality quirks, and because they play off each other well, not because ha ha trans people; for once they are allowed to have their own lives and story.

Overall, in a banner year for the GL industry, its modest aims and unassuming confidence help 23.5 rise above the rest. If what you want is some damn good comfort food, Ongsa and Sun and crew have got you covered.

Less Honorable Mentions

I’m putting these shows here to say that I have watched them, I just didn’t enjoy them as much as others did, so they didn’t make the cut.

Blank: I’m Blank-neutral. I don’t think anyone is evil for liking the age gap thing (it’s fiction, people!), but the character dynamics weren’t my fave.

The Loyal Pin: I’m sorry, it’s bad. Read my full review here.

Chaser Game W: I haven’t seen Season 2, but Season 1 was bad and racist, so I’m not eager to continue.

Mate: I am slightly ashamed of myself for watching this to the end. It was very bad.

My Marvellous Dream Is You: Okay I lied I haven’t actually watched this one. Everyone seems to agree it was not great though.

Petrichor: Okay I haven’t seen this one either (I don’t have the right streaming service), but ACAB includes the gays, sadly.

The Secret of Us: “It’s cute” is the highest praise I can muster for this series. It’s far from the worst show out there but I don’t get the hype. Recommended if Dr. Wanviva wasn’t enough hot doctor for you.

Unlock Your Love: Unlock Your Love is almost worth watching for Pat. I would protect Pat with my life. Girl pretty brain go vroonm

[vyrsm-txt]

Yooo you're back! I'm glad to know you're still kicking! How have you been?

I’ve been alright!! :D Overall I feel like I’m in a good place, though I stil have some ongoing and new life blocks to deal with (most chiefly, I moved to a place with frequent barometric pressure changes, and it taught me I have pretty severe fibromyalgia TT)

I don’t draw or write as much as I used to, but still enjoy it frequently (as well as OCing with mutuals) and want to try and put more of my stuff out there again! I’ve been uploading works intermittently on Twitter, but it doesn’t have the same vibes as Tumblr and I missed this place a lot ahaha. So I ended up making @idolkilling to share things I made and talk about OCs again!

I want to get back into the kink scene (I never stopped drawing belly stuff in particular… still very tummy pilled), but since I draw/write such varied subject matter I’ve decided to divide them as such:

(the “you are here” thing is cuz I posted this on one of my twitters, so it doesn’t reflect this blog JDFKSLKDF)

Basically the majority of my works (SFW as well as relatively tame violent/erotic pieces) will go to @idolkilling now, VYRSM will be for more raunchy things (graphic gore, unsanitary, extreme kinks), and VOREYEURISM will be for belly stuff (naturally). Same usernames on both Twitter and Tumblr, though I have yet to set up the kink-focused accounts… *head in hands* *slow ass SNS guy*

I’ll probably change the username of this blog so I can make the new ones secondaries? Unsure! I get overly-invested in the logistics of these things smh.

…There is also the fact I cannot post explicit art on Tumblr… I’ll probably just post previews and link to Twitter in that case, but I’d like to have the blogs for asks and general musings about kink without being constrained by Twitter’s character limit/no ask box ahaha/// I’m not sure when I’ll be able to get anything done, but it’s on my mind! I miss yelling here!!!

Anyway sorry for the long yap LOL Thank you for remembering me and taking the time to check in! It means a lot 🥹<3

[catboybiologist]

1 month HRT update and journal thingy!

So as I said in my pinned post, I'm gonna be doing a monthly kind of progress check on HRT. Well, it's been 32 days, so here it is! Here's some measurements of interest:

But, I found that the raw measurements, and a single "other column" wasn't sufficient to really catalogue my experience. So I wrote a long, probably overly detailed account of some of the things I've experienced in the past month.

And holy shit, what a month it's been.

So first off, lets start with what’s not happening. Some good, some bad. I think I missed the skin softness gene or something. I’ve really noticed no change in skin texture, and that’s often cited as the first noticeable physical change from HRT. My skin was somewhat soft before, but nothing like the transfemmes I know irl, so this was a bit disappointing. But in all honesty, it’s not that big of a deal.

The other thing that I haven’t noticed yet is a reduced aerobic capacity or physical ability. I’m sure this will come in time, but the interesting thing here is that one of my main physical activities, freediving, is actually a far more direct measurement of aerobic capacity than most others. I can’t do this in nearly a consistent enough way to actually log it, but my casual breath hold times in the couple of times I’ve been freediving since starting HRT haven’t changed. On a fairly standard dive, I usually stay down 60-70 seconds, and that’s still true. With good prep and good air conservation on the bottom (I like to hold onto rocks and kelp, and stay motionless while looking around lol), I can get 90 seconds or beyond (I don’t like pushing it). Part of the problem is that so much of this is variable, and is highly dependent on how good my equipment prep is that day (insulation and weighting), water conditions (cold and rough=more energy=shorter dives), and my boy physiology (how much I’ve eaten, caffeine intake, etc). But in general, I haven’t noticed major physical fitness changes yet. 

Weight gain has been intermittent. I’ve always been a bit swingy on my weight, and can easily go +/- 5lbs in no time at all. At one point, I was 4lbs over my pre-HRT weight (3 week interval), but now I’m down to 1 pound over. My waist is slightly thinner than it was pre-HRT, but that seems to be normal fluctuation. Where did the extra 1-3lbs go? We’ll get to that, LOL.

My waist measurement hasn’t changed, but anecdotally, I do think there’s changes going on there. The 43 inches measurement is still at my widest point, around my thighs (which have always been pretty good). Now, however, I’m noticing what seems to be some growth on areas that aren’t covered by the exact circle I’m using to measure that. My butt seems slightly bigger, although I could just be lying to myself. Time will tell.

Onto the stuff that has changed!

Mood. Oh my god mood. My resting state is no longer a crackling misery. I don’t think I was ever suicidal because of dysphoria alone, but I was certainly pushed to that point far, far easier when it was a contributing factor. I also just… didn’t enjoy anything about my body. When I was happy, it was a distraction. Now, it’s already much better. I still don’t like my body. I got a long way to go. But, I’m seeing progress, and it’s been incredible.

Emotions overall have been more intense. I’ve had a couple of downswings, and I get misty eyed easier. I haven’t had a proper cry yet, though. I get excited about things again, which was a COMPLETELY dead feeling. And I have also gotten angry at some things, which is also something I killed as a teenager because I was scared of where it took me. It hasn’t been as uncontrollable as I expected, however, and the negative emotions I’m experiencing more viscerally have been immensely cathartic. 

            And then, there's the big one. Hopefully that's literal. And that's breast growth. Almost immediately I noticed some kind of perking up, but no breast bud formation and no immediate growth. At about week 2, I was able to feel the distinct disks of breasts buds under my nipples, and my bust size started increasing. Now, at 4.5 weeks in, my bust size is 1.5 inches larger than it was pre-HRT.

           This is ludicrously fast. As in, so fast it has me questioning if I'm actually intersex or something. I think my E levels will be enlightening.

I really, REALLY don’t want to get too hopeful. But overall, if some of these trends continue… I’m gonna get a LOT curvier. Honestly, my ideal body would be pretty tight and trim… but I’m fucking estatic anyways. I’m just really, really hoping that the breast growth trend continues, and also that the tiny observations I’ve made about a bigger butt and thinner waist are actually real. I don’t know how long I’ll be able to boymode like this LMAO.

There’s also the opposite fear: if my estrogen levels are too high, it could signal the end of “puberty” too early. It’s looking like a possibility, but I gotta wait until next week for my levels check.

There’s one final set of observations I wanna put here, but y’all gotta not be weird about it LOL. I WILL block you and erase this part if you treat this as anything more than impartial observations about myself. Got it? Good. NSFW warning for the next bit.

I want to make some remarks on libido and erogenous sensitivity in general, because that has also been one of the most notable changes.

First off, I heard so many stories about HRT killing libido. Holy fuck, this has not been true for me. I’m going crazy sometimes LOL. I absolutely have a somewhat higher libido on average, but its already changed the way its expressed itself.

First off, my entire body is more sensitive to erogenous soft touch. The right kind of touch and care on my waist will feel very similar to more traditional erogenous zones. I’ve NEVER had this before, and was completely blindsided by it. I’m absolutely fascinated by what neural change caused that, but its really cool even if I don’t know the underlying explanation.

Second off, my libido spikes and hot flashes sometimes. I think this is pretty typical of anyone going under a hormonal change, and tbh I’m not surprised.

Third off is the weirdest one, and something that I’ve asked other transfemmes about, and none have been able to answer. My chest sensitivity seems to be going through very distinct mini-cycles, on the approximate span of time being one full “cycle” per week. Essentially, when I started HRT, my chest first got very sore, itchy, and sensitive to sources of pain and itchiness. It stayed like that for a few days, and then all sensitivity to the area cut out. My nipples pre-HRT were always more sensitive than other cis men, and in this phase, they were actually less sensitive than they were pre HRT. This lasted another couple of days… and then there was a period of massively increased erogenous sensitivity. Soft touches made me wild, and I started wearing  bra not for the support, but to block my shirt from rubbing against them and distracting me. Holy FUCK, this phase is insane. And then after that, they went back to sore again, and then dead again, and then erogenous again. Right now, I’m in the erogenous “phase” of what I think is the fourth cycle here since I started HRT. I have no fucking clue what’s going on. It’s not the period that some trans women report getting, its not a monthly thing. It might just be my body adjusting strangely to new hormones in general, but yeah. Its weird, bc it seems like a pretty unique thing. 

So yeah. That’s a journal thing. I had a LOT more thoughts about HRT starting beyond just the initial measurements, because so much hit me way faster than I thought it would, so I wanted to write something long form. I think I’m going to write something similar each month along with my measurements update, but I expect future writing to be much, much shorter. It’s been incredible so far, but I’m guessing less will be novel- I think things will only be different when I change aspects of my HRT regimen. We’ll see.

[thetriplets3]

"Your lover isn't feeling well, and even though it's probably dangerous to drive this late at night, you have to make sure they're all right."with Chris strniolo please??

I made it about just a bad day I hope that’s okay, I can redo it if you want anon! Also please read the note at the end!! Thank you for all your requests

warnings: anxiety, depression, overall a bad day mentally, brief mention of a mother daughter relationship (please let me know if I missed anything so I can update this)

☎️ One call away ☎️

It’s hard to tell what exactly made me feel this way, it’s just one of those days. I’ve struggled with mental health problems for years and it’s been getting better but some days feel like I’m back to where I was before. That’s what healing is, some good days some bad, the good outweigh the bad. It’s just frustrating to make progress and then feel like you’re starting from the beginning again.

I spent almost every hour tossing and turning last night unable to fall asleep or stay asleep for long. Despite this I have yet to get out of bed and it’s 3pm. I haven’t been able to do anything except mindlessly scrolling through tiktok not even paying attention to them, in my own little world that I desperately want out of. My phone vibrates, snapping me out of my trance to see a text from my boyfriend Chris.

Hey pretty girl haven’t heard from you all day. Everything alright?

I stare at his text for a while trying to find the right words to make everything sound like I’m fine. Sighing I drop my phone on my bed and head to the kitchen grabbing a snack before making my way back to my bed. Finishing off my snack, I curl up under the fuzzy blanket Chris got me for my birthday. He was here the other night, it smells just like his cologne. I lie there, basking in the smell that lingers bringing me comfort. I want him here, I need him here but I just can’t get myself to put this on him. He has so much on his plate already I don’t want him to worry about me, I’ll be fine this feeling will go away, until it inevitably comes back. A never ending cycle, it’s exhausting.

Apparently it’s been over an hour because I get another text from Chris.

Sweetheart is everything okay? What’s going on? I’m here talk to me.

Realizing I never replied to his first text I grab my phone and send a text back.

Hi love sorry for ignoring you. I’m fine I’m just not feeling it today. I love you and I miss you.

Almost immediately I get a text back which makes me smile at his concern.

What can I do to help? Do you want space or do you want me to come over because you know I’ll drop everything for you no matter how late it is.

My heart swells at how sweet he is.

You being here would make things better.

Within 10 minutes he’s knocking on my bedroom door, having let himself in to my house. Hearing me hum as a response he quietly makes his way to my bed, crawling in next to me.

“Hi sweet girl, I’m here now it’s okay” he said softly.

Quickly I scoot over into his arms, just wanting to be held by him. Closing my eyes I sigh trying to release the weight of the day. With his arms securely wrapped around my body, I feel safe. With a shaky breath I start trying to explain what’s going on.

“I don’t know what brought this on but I hate it I feel so helpless and lazy. I didn’t have it in me to even brush my hair it’s such a simple task and I couldn’t do it” I sputter out in tears.

“Don’t say that you know it’s not true that’s just what your mind is telling you and your mind is being silly today. Think of it this way it’s your body’s way of telling you to just relax and slow down and to take time for yourself. It happens, and yeah it sucks but tomorrow is a new day and a chance to try again” he reassures me. “Give me one second I’ll be right back”.

Rolling out from his grasp I lie there waiting for his return. Getting back in bed he hides what he went to go get behind his back and opened his arms for me. Reaching over to my nightstand he grabs my remote and opens netflix selecting my comfort show, making me smile.

With my head on his chest and my tired eyes fixated on the tv, I feel him move as much of my hair as he can to my back. Slowly and gently he brushes through my knotted hair starting at my ends. The repeated motion of the brush against my scalp has always been something I loved. It reminds me of being a kid and sitting on my mom’s counter as she did my hair for the day. It’s always been a comforting feeling to me and Chris knows this.

My eyes grow heavy as I struggle to keep them open. “Go to sleep love I’m not leaving. I love you so much I hope you know how proud I am of you, you’re so strong” is the last thing I hear before succumbing to a much needed sleep.

taglist:

@iluvmatt @antisocialties @dwntwn-strnlo @fake-coolbeans

AUTHORS NOTES:

[erstwhilesparrow]

(belatedly) for @mcyt-aro-week , based on the Feb 26 prompt Coming out / AU / Space

content warning: aphobia (arophobia and acephobia both, internalized and otherwise). not a happy ending.

---

Katherine’s shop is quiet. She gets visitors in the morning, as soon as she opens, and a few in the afternoon, after lunch, people poking their head in to see the princess working like an automaton on display. Now, with the sun most of the way through the sky, it’s nice and peaceful.

“Hey, Katherine?” Shelby says. She’s careful about sticking to her half of the table, even though Katherine’s threads and needles regularly wind up on top of her papers or nestled next to her books. She’s tracing her finger over her place in the volume she’s reading now.

“Mhm?” Katherine says, privately relieved to not be fighting with this knot in her thread for a moment. She sets her work down: a hat adored with a handful of pale pink flowers.

“Do you think— Hm.” Shelby gives up trying to keep track of her place and props her chin up on her hand. It looks kind of silly in a way that suits her, her overalls and her droopy hat pushed back so the brim isn’t in her face. “You’re a princess, right? Do princesses, like, do the whole dating thing?”

Katherine pokes at her needle on the table and then remembers that she probably shouldn’t do that. “I mean, I don’t know? I don’t think about it a lot.” Her parents think about it, she’s pretty sure; they’ve been thinking about it more since her eighteenth birthday. They are too wary of the curse to bother much, though. Bad enough she’s cursed, what if the grandchildren come out cursed? Katherine tries not to think about it.

“Would you ever?” Shelby asks. “Think about it, I mean. Or do— stuff. About it.”

“Stuff,” Katherine says slowly, eyes narrowing.

There’s something satisfying about watching Shelby flush pink. It makes Katherine feel less bad about being so easy to embarrass herself. It doesn’t do to be a princess who can’t hide what she’s feeling when she has dinners and opening ceremonies and tours to attend, but it’s easier to not feel any of that with Shelby, when it’s just the two of them working quietly on the things they need to get done.

“Well, you know, I don’t—” Shelby fidgets. “Okay, I, like, never actually told anyone? I almost told my grandma, but then the train was gonna start and if I didn’t get on then I’d just miss it and all my teachers already thought I was this horrible screw-up anyway—” She clears her throat and her voice goes soft like a cat’s belly. “Can you keep a secret?”

“Yeah!” Katherine says. “Yeah, totally. I’m great at that.”

Shelby gives her kind of a dubious look. She breaks first though: starts giggling until Katherine’s laughing too.

“What?” Katherine yelps. “I am! I am, I promise.”

Shelby sighs and fidgets with her hat. “I just think— maybe there are some kind of relationship I don’t want to have?” She stops fidgeting with her hat. “Like, ever. I don’t know, maybe I just haven’t tried it enough, and it’s not like I’d never fall in love or anything, but I— I don’t know.” She says the next part fast and sort of laughing, as if it’s a joke she doesn’t get but knows is funny: “Maybe there’s just something wrong with me.”

“What, really? Never?” Katherine asks. “In your whole life? That’s a long time.”

Shelby shrugs. “Maybe? Is that— Do you think that’s bad?”

Something is clicking into place in Katherine’s chest. She imagines pulling it out. She tries to imagine pulling it out. “I don’t know,” she says, picking up her thread again, twirling the needle around in her fingers. “I’ve never heard of anyone actually doing that before. But then again, I’ve never heard of your swamp… things. Before.”

Shelby flips a page in her book. Flips it back. “That’s not a good sign.”

Katherine taps her needle on the table, eyes going to the knot she’s trying to unpick. “I mean, I don’t think I could do it.”

—

“It’s so nice here,” Shelby says softly, like an olive branch, coming up beside Katherine to look out over the water. The cliffs loom over them, and the shadow of the Greatbridge stretches long in the fading light.

Katherine says, “Yeah. It’s a nice view.”

“I’m not used to being able to see this much,” Shelby says. She sounds close by, so close she could be speaking right into Katherine’s ear. Is that just the breeze, or an idea of body heat? “Not a single tree in the way…”

“Oh,” Katherine murmurs, curling one arm up to her chest, then the other. She knows she looks silly, hands vaguely clasped over her sternum, but— It’s hard, suddenly. Looking at Shelby might remind Katherine that she can see Katherine too. “Right. Because your place has all the— mangrove.”

“Every time I chop some down I swear more grows in its place overnight!” Shelby singsongs, before laughing, uneasily. “Um. So. Are you packing stuff up from the festival?”

“Yeah, I was just— grabbing a few little things. Don’t want to waste them, you know,” Katherine says, aiming for light. “You?”

“Some leftover potions,” Shelby supplies. “I could— We could—?”

Katherine nearly bites her own tongue. She’s so tired. Still, she makes her voice come out teasing. “We could…?”

Shelby giggles, as if she’s forgotten. Somewhere behind their backs, the place she and Pirate Joe tried to kill each other. She did kill him.

It’s like searching through the dark for a chest hiding something she knows by touch better than by sight: Katherine finds a smile and puts it on. “What,” she says. “You have to tell me. To make it up to me.”

And now that she’s said it, she turns her head to look. Shelby’s taken off her hat, is holding it in front of her, gripped tight in both hands like she’s worried the faint wind will take it away. “I’m sorry,” Shelby says quietly. “For the fight. It— It was important, Katherine, I didn’t know how else to get him to leave you alone.”

Before the festival, that funny archaeologist came by to help Katherine with the redstone. Pix. He was nice. Oli the bard was there too. The two of them, they traded quips like candy and brought her in on the joke when they remembered to. It was easy to talk them, easier because no one was watching. Katherine doesn’t get it, why she feels so watched now.

Katherine puts her hands down. “It’s… okay. It’s fine. Neither of you—” She laughs, feeling vaguely hysterical. “Neither of you were listening to me anyway. So. Maybe it’s for the better that you found a way to work things out!”

Shelby murmurs, “I was just trying to help.”

“Yeah,” Katherine says. “I know. You were saying…?”

“Um. Oh! The potions. I was gonna say we could share a bottle? I don’t know what all of them do, but if you’ve got some time…” Shelby trails off. Katherine watches her grip tighten on her hat, then relax. She puts her hat back on. “They’re all reversible effects, pinkie-promise.”

Katherine takes a breath and is quietly, intensely grateful that Shelby lets her, standing there with a glimmer of worry in her expression. “Yeah. Yeah! That sounds fun.” She steels herself and takes Shelby’s hand. “Can I tell you something?”

Shelby’s hand in hers squeezes; the look on her face is flustered and it’s kind of— Katherine swallows. Shelby’s gotten stronger. The physical labour of tearing down trees, of tromping through mud to build a place for herself in the Evermoore. Katherine should visit; she keeps saying it and she never does.

“Anything,” Shelby says.

“I was thinking about that thing you said,” Katherine murmurs. Part of her, born and trained for this, reminds her to speak clearly. The rest of her knows this is a secret just for Shelby. “The thing about not wanting some kinds of relationships? I might— I might be like that too.”

“Oh,” Shelby says, surprised. “Oh! Oh! You’re— You’re like me?”

Katherine is probably squeezing Shelby’s hand too tight. She admits it, all in a rush like pushing a weight off its pedestal: “I don’t think I ever want to fall in love.”

“Wait,” says Shelby, her fingers curling tight around Katherine’s. Her voice gets small enough to pierce through Katherine’s ribs like a needle. “Ever?”

—

“Shelby,” Katherine calls, following the flash of pale colours, around the corner, into the main hall. It’s deserted, cleaned up already, and it’s just the two of them. The space feels unspeakably vast. “Shelby, wait.”

Shelby whirls on her heel and spreads her arm out wide, almost knocking over a potted plant. “Yeah?” she says. She takes another step back. “What? I don’t think we have anything left to say to each other, Katherine.”

“No, please,” Katherine says. “Shelby, I—” She gestures. Shelby’s dress is pale, immaculate. She looks gorgeous. “You seem like you need help. I can— I can try, I swear.”

“Try?” Shelby says, eyes narrowing in disbelief. “I’ve seen you try, Katherine. Whatever this is—” she waves a hand at her own body “—you can’t fix it. You can’t even fix yourself! You wanna know why I think the curse hasn’t broken yet? I think you know you can’t.”

“What?” Katherine says. She stops moving, but Shelby takes another step back, away from her. “No, I— I mean maybe if I just try something else— If we sit down and talk about it together—”

“Nah,” Shelby says. Then she laughs, and it’s her laugh, this is still, somehow, horribly, Shelby, but it makes Katherine force her own shoulders down, school her expression. “Look at you! You even told me, didn’t you? I think you’ll never fix the curse because you’re broken. Because whatever’s supposed to be in your heart isn’t there, and the only thing that could’ve saved you is something you don’t even want! I tried, Katherine. You were busy—” Shelby takes another step back “—playing pretend. I’m going.”

Katherine swallows, mute with emotions she can’t distinguish, as Shelby walks away into the wide, glittering dark. She thinks about every word she allowed to slip out of herself, because— Why? Because she thought maybe if it was her and Shelby together something couldn’t have been so wrong with her after all? She is cold all over. She breathes evenly and thinks not at all.

[notaveemo]

squid game rant pt2 (spoilers duh)

having watched season 1 when it came out and again now right before season 2 i’ve gained a lot of appreciation for it. yes, it is very very slowly paced. but it works. the pacing really does create this deep overarching feeling of sadness or even despair. it’s overall a great season of a show. and my personal favourite part, and as i’m sure, many others’- the characters. everyone was memorable. the seemingly good-for-nothing gi-hun. the closed off scarred sae-byok. the quietly malevolent sang-woo. the strong but kind-hearted ali. the brutish deok-su. and not to mention the higher ups, il-nam, in-ho and obviously jun-ho who all contribute to a very enjoyable story. and how it was all underlined by the players’ reality in the outside world. how they voluntarily came back.

enter season 2. the first thing that seemed to be off was that it was shorter, 7 episodes instead of the already short 9 of the first season. however, especially considering the lengths of the episodes, i think a good season could still have been pulled off. however, a few things were missing that just made it really forgettable.

first, the characters- gi-hun is not himself from season 1. i know character development exists however everything that made him an appealing protagonist is gone. on the positive side, there is the mother-son duo of yong-sik and geum-ja, the latter of whom is a beacon of wisdom and morality throughout the season, and though i have not read discourse on the show yet, i can tell she is written to be a fan favourite. for comic relief we also have rapper Thanos who, though being a total asshole and addict, is probably one of the better character later on in the season.

some of the characters and their storylines, though, are pretty poor especially compared to the first season. my least favourite example of this is no-eul, whose plot is completely unresolved as she disappears at some unknown point and is never shown again, which is a shame because even though a female north korean defector is a character that the show did in its first run, no-eul had potential for a more significant storyline. this repetition is something ill come back to in a second.

then there is hyun-ju. as a non-trans person i am not a hundred percent entitled to dictate what good or bad representation is, but something felt off about writing her the way she was written, though something i’m glad about was that she wasn’t violently shoehorned in as forced diversity so her presence felt natural.

back to the problem of repetition, though. player 001. in-ho. him being in the game was a clear copy paste from il-nam in season 1, even down to his role in voting. of course the characters are slightly different (in-ho did vote to stay), most of his character is rampant sadism rather than il-nam’s moral ambiguity. and he is just not as memorable of a character. for a while i didn’t even recognise him as himself, but that may be a personal issue on my end.

about the show itself, though. for the first 2 of 7 episodes, the part that made the first season the phenomenon it was -the squid game- was not present at all, and when gi-hun is recruited, it feels absolutely forced. the show itself took a turn more for the detective/crime drama style rather than letting that aspect be a background plot like in the original. i don’t mean that it’s inherently a bad kind of media but it is not exactly what i expected having seen the first part. and the fact that it turns into an action flick in the last episode feels so weird considering the fifteen episodes prior.

and to finish complaining about the plot, as previously mentioned, the storyline of no-eul is totally forgotten about, as is the story of jun-ho and his team. the kill of the drone operator by the captain is also something that has zero implications and happened for zero plot reason, too.

to be entirely honest, though, in spite of all this, one can’t be too harsh on the show. the writers were given an impossible task, to make a sequel to something as legendary, i dare say, as the original squid game, and no matter what they did, it would be criticised. i do just wish the plot had been taken another direction. and i have no idea what the writers can do with how season 2 ended, but i await the final season with eagerness and hope, since the “final season” is already in the works after only two seasons.

[quibbs126]

I can finally post this, after weeks!

But yeah, this here is something I made to celebrate the 9th anniversary of Evoland 2

Some people may remember this work in progress from weeks ago, but now I can finally show the finished product. Which I finished 2 weeks ago

It’s based on the 3D picture you get when you finish the game, specially the 100% completion, and more specifically, my screenshot that I took when I first completed the game and got 100%

Though I should probably also note that this was the only picture I had of the beach scene until I was mostly done with the picture, so there are some inaccuracies between it and the original. Except for Reno in place of the Prophet, that was completely intentional

This game was I think the first (and will probably be the only) game I’ve ever 100% completed, and when I did it the first time, it was just because I knew that games would have extra things for those who 100% it, and I wanted to see what the game would give me. It’s the only time I was so invested in a game that I had to know what I’d get if I got everything. It’s also the only game where losing nearly 10 hours of progress due to a (maybe) glitch does not make me give up the game in frustration, but instead complete the entire thing within a single school week

I may gripe about my issues with the game, but I absolutely love it, and I have a lot of fun playing it. Well, aside from the parts I’m bad at, but that’s just because I’m bad at them. I feel like I have next to nothing to complain about from a gameplay perspective (which is in part because I don’t know how to critique gameplay, but also because I think any issues I have are my own fault), it’s just narrative stuff. And even then, I wouldn’t nitpick it so much if I wasn’t so invested in the world, story and characters

Maybe today I’ll start replaying it again, seeing how I’m pretty sure I’m free today from any schoolwork

I’m still holding on to some admittedly delusional hope that a 3rd game could release one day, even if I know it’ll almost certainly have nothing to do with this one, but even if it never does, I’ll still have this game to play over and over again, so I can accept it

I was disappointed that I missed the last two, since I first played the game in 2022, but not this year, I remembered!

Now to just talk about the art itself, the reason there’s two versions is because I originally made the background lineless, but after finishing the characters I thought it maybe clashed a bit too much, so I made a duplicate of the picture to do a lined version. But I also spent so long on the lineless version that I didn’t want to just leave it in the void, so I’m showing it too

Admittedly now I think I can say the lined version probably is the better one, but I can still show off both

I used the card colors for the characters, since all of them have cards for reference, but now I’m looking at the colors and thinking they look somewhat wrong. At least on Menos

Also as mentioned prior, I switched out the Prophet for Reno. I know I’m biased but I really think he’d fit in this picture of all the main characters far more than the Prophet, considering he’s kind of the reason the plot started, the second half happened, and he’s the main motivation for one of our party members. I mean, I see why the Prophet’s there in the original. He’s really the only other semi-important character with a 3D model, and Reno never had one, so they’d have to make an entirely new one just for this extra thing. Also it doesn’t make sense for him to have a 3D model in the first place, especially not of his Present era self. But not only is this now a drawing where I have the power to do what I want, this scene isn’t canon in the first place, so put Reno in the background there!

Overall though, I’m honestly surprised the piece turned out as good as it did. Those who follow me know that I was really struggling with drawing during the summer, more specifically drawing people and the Evoland 2 cast. But despite all that, I think the characters turned out pretty well. Certainly not the best, but better than I was expecting. And not only that, but the background turned out so much better than I thought it would, especially since I don’t usually do backgrounds. Though I suppose it does help to have a reference for all this though. But yeah, there was a reason I was so proud of how the sketch turned out, and while the final product may not have entirely been what I was hoping for after the sketch, it still turned out pretty good

As long as I can remember it next year (which I really hope I can, considering that’s the 10th anniversary), I’ll try to make something there too, hopefully with much improved drawing skills, since I’m still trying to figure all that out again still

Not sure what I’ll draw then. Maybe I could redraw the beach scene, or make an entirely new beach scene concocted by my brain. But it’s also the 10th anniversary next year, so maybe it should be something more special

Ah well, that’s next year’s problem. For now, have this to celebrate the game’s anniversary. For the minuscule amount of people who actually play this game, I guess

[unimo]

70 questions..Could you answer all of them actually? If you have time

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

it’s complicated with both of my parents but i love them.

02: Who did you last say “I love you” to?

it was my mom lol.

03: Do you regret anything?

there’s lots that i regret, mainly the relationships i’ve been in and opportunities i missed out on because of circumstances out of my control.

04: Are you insecure?

yes, about quite a few things.

05: What is your relationship status?

i’m single.

06: How do you want to die?

not sure if this is basic but probably in my sleep, preferably after a pretty nice day spent and with a clear head. everyone i love knows how much they mean to me and no unsettled disputes happening between us.

07: What did you last eat?

oatmeal.

08: Played any sports?

i played basketball in elementary school and was a cheerleader too in elementary school if that counts lol i was horrible at it tbh i feel bad for those poor coaches.

09: Do you bite your nails?

no, i usually fidget by twirling my hair or with the hems of my shirts or purse handle.

10: When was your last physical fight?

not quite sure? maybe with my older sister?

11: Do you like someone?

just a short list of fictional monstrosities.

12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?

i don’t think i have lol i’m too weak for that.

13: Do you hate anyone at the moment?

i don’t think so? just resent people.

14: Do you miss someone?

i miss a few old friends and people i worked with.

15: Have any pets?

i do, my family has several pugs.

16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment?

a bit tired but overall okish.

17: Ever made out in the bathroom?

maybe? i can’t remember.

18: Are you scared of spiders?

i wanna say no but i know deep down that’s a lie :’) i don’t mind daddy long legs though.

19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

maybe for a few days to when i was a kid, i just want to experience unadulterated whimsy joy for a bit.

20: Where was the last place you snogged someone?

uhm… probably my bedroom? it’s been awhile lol i have no idea.

21: What are your plans for this weekend?

to just be chill and maybe draw and listen to some music.

22: Do you want to have kids? How many?

i don’t think so? probably 1 or 2 to adopt but i can’t really imagine myself being pregnant or having children right now.

23: Do you have piercings? How many?

just the standard ears pierced, i used to have my left nostril pierced but it healed the wrong way so i had to take it out :(

24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)?

i was pretty good at biology and english i think? i loved english, history, and science.

25: Do you miss anyone from your past?

i do but it’s more or so the memory of them. the people i used to love are unrecognizable now to me and we’ve lost touch. i’ve lost quite a bit of family and friends due to change and circumstance and it feels bittersweet.

26: What are you craving right now?

i’m not really sure lol.

27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

i think so? but it was deserved.

28: Have you ever been cheated on?

i’m not sure, i hope not.

29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?

yeah.

30: What’s irritating you right now?

my mental health and lack of motivation or energy.

31: Does somebody love you?

besides family and friends i’m not sure.

32: What is your favourite color?

i love periwinkle and mauve :) the bi flag is literally just my favorite colors. 🩷💜💙

33: Do you have trust issues?

i do :’) sometimes my intrusive thoughts make me feel paranoid about dumb things and also i’ve been lied to in the past by others i’ve cared about.

34: Who/what was your last dream about?

i had a dream about a pizza party but i never got to eat a slice :’) i then had a dream i was in the woods with several deer going by me in the tree line during my walk which was kinda cool.

35: Who was the last person you cried in front of?

my mom.

36: Do you give out second chances too easily?

i wanna say no but i know that i do… it gets hard not to for the ones i care about.

37: Is it easier to forgive or forget?

this one’s a bit tricky uhm… probably forgive? i don’t think you can ever forget something someone’s done to you depending on the severity of what it was, but forgiving happens within that time. it’s something i’m still struggling to do and i don’t think i can ever forgive the things that have happened to me but i can look at it in a more enlightened sense. what happened has happened but i try not let it control how i move forward i guess.

38: Is this year the best year of your life?

i hope it could be, but who knows.

39: How old were you when you had your first kiss?

i think 15?

40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked?

uh… i don’t think so?

51: Favourite food?

chinese takeout and cake.

52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

i’d like to think so but who really knows.

53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?

scrolled through my phone lol.

54: Is cheating ever okay?

maybe depending on the context? like how long you’ve been together, if your relationship is unfair, things like that can play big factors but overall i’d say no?

55: Are you mean?

i hope not :’) i might look like it or sound like it but i’m usually pretty nice i’d believe.

56: How many people have you fist fought?

none lol.

57: Do you believe in true love?

i do, i think of those old cute couple videos and stuff and get all sappy.

58: Favourite weather?

early springtime with overcast, it feels so refreshing but not too hot or cold.

59: Do you like the snow?

yeah, i think it’s really pretty.

60: Do you wanna get married?

i do eventually.

61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?

i’m not sure, the thought of it kind of makes me feel weird.

62: What makes you happy?

currently drawing and listening to music, i love asking and answering strange hypothetical questions too ironically and just being reminded that the little things are really what makes life great.

63: Would you change your name?

i’m not sure, i’m so used to my name but i think other names sound much nicer than mine.

64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?

very hard, i’d prefer not to at all.

65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

i’d probably politely let them down lol.

66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?

i’d like to think so.

67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?

i don’t think he’d want me to say sorry.

68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

i think it was my sister? or my niece?

69: Do you believe in soulmates?

i do, i like the idea and think somebody everybody will find there’s or meet them. whether platonic or romantic.

70: Is there anyone you would die for?

probably a couple people, i’d rather not say.

[marybatson]

Hello again wise oracle of the Batson knowledge ✨ I have a question, comics are complicated and rain is wet, what else is new? I wanted to read To Hell and Back but I wasn't completely sure what stories are set before that one. I think it all starts with Seven Magic Lands? But that's as far as my knowledge goes :/

lolol I think i can help! hmm while I’m here let me just give you the overall order we got when they kickstarted the whole shazam soft reboot (at least where i felt it began) until maybe present day bc i get that it can be a little odd trying to understand where current continuity really begins:

Shazam! (2018) / this is seven lands and yes you’re right, it is mostly what domino effects everything that comes next. but just know some lore “established” here becomes pretty wishy washy by the time we get to the present, including characterization sometimes, so take it w a grain of salt probably

Shazam!: Lightning Strikes (2020) / extremely optional and quick fun read about the other shazam user kids, but a couple side stories sort of additional to everything during Shazam! (2018)

Future State: Shazam (2021) / in my opinion, also an optional read. the future state storyline isn’t super important or relevant to where billy and co go afterwards but i did kinda like the speculative idea of captain-without-billy even if grimdark lol.

Teen Titans Academy (2021) / now this is where you would officially begin if you just want context for To Hell and Back. also must forewarn that this book isn’t actually…good…lol. but that’s just my own opinion…. To Hell happens in between issues of these so I would read the starting issues first then To Hell then again the last issues of TTA since that’s sort of where things leave off for the shazam kids until mary’s tncos

Shazam!: To Hell and Back (2022) / the reason why he’s joined the academy is bc he’s trying to find a way to get his powers back that he + the rest of the kids have lost/destabilized for some reason. the actual logistics of this is probably best not looked that deeply into lmao. anyway it brings back neron, who was brought back in Future State, but whose best appearance was his role in Underworld Unleashed (1995) and just for funsies (+ neron’s characterization) I’d recommend trying that out if you have free time

everything after this is pretty much just dark crisis appearances then dc’s dawn of dc lazarus planet stuff (dark crisis didn’t necessarily have much impact on the shazam storyline plus i didnt really read all that sooo not listing idk):

The New Champion of Shazam! (2022) / establishes mary + the kids minus billy

Lazarus Planet: We Were Once Gods (2023) / billy got saved by mary and malik white aka bolt aka read Black Adam (2022) if u havent…

Lazarus Planet: Revenge of the Gods (2023) / event stuff

Wonder Woman (2016) #798 / weave-in to Lazarus Planet, pertaining to mostly to mary’s story but billy’s a lil relevant

Shazam! (2023) / ongoing comic in continuity. the one where he’s officially “the captain” again.

i’m hoping I got it all but if anyone spots something I’ve missed lmk (there’s kinda a weird gap between 2018 and future state but that’s just bc he’s just doing other events i think….don’t rmr oopsie)!!! So sorry this was longer than you prob wanted. luckily all in all minus his appearances elsewhere billy’s own comics since 2018 have been pretty linear. the narratives and lore haven’t really been streamlined that well but it’s there lol

[gamesception]

lets read rgu chapter 12

I’ve been told that this version of Juri is the originally intended version of the character?  And while I don’t think the person who said that was lying or anything, it’s still kind of hard to believe.  Partially because there seems to be a lot of misinformation going around about this series - a lot of folks online seem to think that the manga - the entire manga - came first and the anime was an adaptation from that, which my initial research says is not the case.  Partially because that bit of research also gave me the impression that Ikuhara wasn’t very forthcoming with anyone during the production regarding the overall direction of the story.  I’m not sure I would buy anyone’s account of what the original vision for Utena’s story was “supposed to be” other than Ikuhara, and possibly not even his.

I could easily see how we could go from anime Juri to this - ie, Ikuhara had an idea for the character that he knew would be controversial so he kept it close to his chest and didn’t tell anyone for as long as possible, leaving Saito with a character design but no character that might as well just be slotted in as a romantic rival for Touga’s affections in a manga story that is at least presenting itself more as an Utena/Touga romance.  On the other hand, if manga juri was genuinely the initial intent by everyone, including Ikuhara, from the very beginning, I have a hard time seeing how the pivot from this to anime Juri happened mid production.

I mean, that would take some kind of miracle.

Setting aside other versions of her character - hypothetical or realized - manga Juri is a purely physical threat.  She doesn’t have a compelling motivation to relate to, she doesn’t present a significant thematic challenge to Utena’s worldview or princely ambitions.  She’s just someone who is good at sword fighting - a fact that the still image format of the manga can /tell/ us, but can’t convincingly /show/.  The duel panels are very pretty, but don’t really convey a great sense of danger or difficulty than those with Saionji.  And Juri’s supposed unbeatable fencing skill is pretty significantly undermined when just a couple pages into the fight Utena calls down the power of Dios...

and then Utena just wins. effortlessly.

Another unfortunate thing I’m just now realizing is that with Juri having the one sided crush on Touga and being a bitter and jealous antagonist over it, there’s not much left for Nanami to do when she’s introduced....

only she’s probably not going to be introduced, is she?  I mean, the dissolving dress party prank thing didn’t happen, we haven’t seen or mentioned her yet, the manga probably doesn’t have time for comedy side episodes...  Anime’s best worst girl just doesn’t appear in this comic at all, does she?

Another of my favorite characters missing entirely from this version of the story.

Anyway, Utena tries to ask Touga if he’s the prince who saved her as a child, but can’t quite bring herself to do it.

The next day she’s still distracted thinking about it, throwing off her archery game, though we do get a cute moment of Wakaba cheering her on, so that’s nice.

Afterwords Miki approaches Utena to talk about Juri and Touga.  He feels bad for Juri, and wants to go talk to Touga about it.  sure I guess.

Touga’s dorm is a mansion for some reason.  That’s kind of funny.  I’m not sure why they’re coming here if he’s supposed to still be in the clinic?

They break into Touga’s house using a spare key, and I’m still not sure why, or what they’re doing here.  I mean, I know what Utena’s doing here - she’s snooping around to find out if Touga’s her prince.  Manga Utena is significantly more concerned about that then anime Utena.

Ok, so Miki’s snooping around because he thinks Touga’s up to something and has been in communication with EotW instead of just receiving letters from them.  At least I get what they’re trying to do, though not why he invited Utena on the spying mission.

Utena finda a picture of Touga and Nanami (forshadowing a future character introduction?  Am I wrong about her being completely absent?), mentions how she always wanted a sibling.  Miki starts to open up about whatever the manga version of his deal is when they hear someone else in the building and rush to hide.

A couple pages are out of order in the scan here, which caused a fair bit of confusion, but basically they rush to hide in a cupboard, but it turns out to be a secret door to Touga’s wizard sanctum.

And that’s where the chapter ends.

I don’t know.  It’s hard to be super invested in the rose magic wizard mystery when I feel like I mostly know what’s going on already from having watched the anime - even if there’s more detail on that side of things in the manga, where as the interpersonal character stuff - the stuff that stays compelling to me even if I already know it - is largely absent in this rendition.

I wasn’t expecting to like the manga as much as the anime going in, but even so I’m still pretty disappointed.  It’s not incompetently crafted by any means, it still looks good, and some bits even look better than the anime version, but still.

But hey, maybe they’ll do something with the star signs business, and I’ll be able to make some homestuck jokes?