#i’ve probably missed some things but i’m pretty sure this is a good overall

[louiswilliamtomlinsons]

louis and the lgbtq+ community: a masterpost

louis supporting queer contestants during his time as judge at x factor 2018

louis supporting the two contestants who got engaged during the x factor 2018

polari, fericadooza, chav roots in polari and the overlap between the northern england working class and the lgbtq+ community

more on gender presentation, streetwear, and the overlap between northern england working class and the lgbtq+ community, louis’ community

writing pride related words for fans

noticing, smiling and pointing at “guardian of the lgbt community” flag

signing pride flag

trans fans who’ve met him talking about louis being supportive of trans people + interaction with trans fan during the album signings + crossing off the sex questionnaire in the just like you mv

tour bus pride flag and stage pride flag

fan jumping around with pride flag at barricade and louis looking at them with a smile

louis and rainbows: here. here. here and here

fitfwt rainbow lights + “rainbow inspired track” comment from jack webber, special effect technician for the fitfwt

bigger than me cover may have been inspired by george michael

the pride flag on stage and louis’ smile

“an amazing feeling”: louis on only the brave being an anthem for fans to be themselves

all this time spotify canvas features a pride flag

the triangle tattoo

bella penfold

on noticing how queer fans find comfort with louis

queercoded lyrics

everyone is welcomed

thanks for the flag love

oscar wilde: flowers and louis

[s1i9d]

I hope you don't mind, but now that I've finally found someone who's listening to Magnus Protocol but hasn't listened to Magnus Archives I will be studying you like a bug under a magnifying glass. I've been dying to know how the show hits from a non archives perspective. So in that vein, if you don't mind me questioning you, what are your overall thoughts on the show so far? Also what's it like seeing the fandom response from people who have listened to archives? Have you been successful in avoiding spoilers?

Honestly I’ve been loving Protocol.

I’m not 100% sure what to translate since I don’t know what Archives context I’m missing, but I can try to tell you what I really like about Protocol.

I really do love the format of Protocol. It’s mostly an office drama story, which on its own is appealing, but the statements from FR3-D1 put in each episode gives the story this underlying horror aspect to it. So when I listen to an episode, often times if the statement portion feels lacking, the office drama really brings up the episode and the vice versa.

Then things start to get a lot more creepier when the two intersect (The Magnus Institute, Mr. Bonzo, Lady Mowbray, the Drowning Victim, the Archivist, etc.) and by this point in the story, we’re so close to having a full merge.

Since this is my first real dive into horror podcasts, I do want to engage with the fan community, but it’s hard to balance being spoiler-free at the same time. I do know some general spoilers that I haven’t updated in a while, but is mostly still accurate. I don’t know what an Archivist is, but I am aware that AU versions of Archives characters have made their debut here.

I am aware that Protocol is going a lot faster than Archives. From what I understand of Archives, it has a lot more slow build up rather than Protocol which I has a pretty good pace. Might be because Protocol has less than half the episodes as Archives.

It’s really interesting how the fandom keeps losing their minds over stuff that I’m just like “yeah cool let’s see where that goes”. Like E26 where the Archivist was named, I felt like I took on the perspective of Alice/Gwen/Sam where I’m like “okay… and this means what?” while the rest of the fandom is taking the Celia perspective of “OH NO”.

Or even this recent episode where this Minister Trevor Herbert dude was. Like I have no idea what this dude is and why everyone is absolutely screaming, crying, throwing up that he’s here, and that is fascinating.

It’s been pretty interesting when I bring up something that felt weird or off that just went nowhere, and my friends revealing some info. I’m like “WHAT” and they’re just like “oh thats not common knowledge?” And I’m just there like “huh?!?” Which turns out, the Hilltop Centre was actually important.

I mostly wish the fandom would tag archives spoilers with #tma /#the Magnus archives / #tma vague just so that spoilers could be tagged a little bit better, but to be fair I am one of the rare people that doesn’t intersect the Venn diagram between archives and protocol.

But overall, I really am loving Protocol. I don’t know when I’ll listen to Archives (probably after Protocol’s three seasons are over) but I will listen to it eventually. Feel free to send more asks my way.

[voreyeurism]

Yooo you're back! I'm glad to know you're still kicking! How have you been?

I’ve been alright!! :D Overall I feel like I’m in a good place, though I stil have some ongoing and new life blocks to deal with (most chiefly, I moved to a place with frequent barometric pressure changes, and it taught me I have pretty severe fibromyalgia TT)

I don’t draw or write as much as I used to, but still enjoy it frequently (as well as OCing with mutuals) and want to try and put more of my stuff out there again! I’ve been uploading works intermittently on Twitter, but it doesn’t have the same vibes as Tumblr and I missed this place a lot ahaha. So I ended up making @idolkilling to share things I made and talk about OCs again!

I want to get back into the kink scene (I never stopped drawing belly stuff in particular… still very tummy pilled), but since I draw/write such varied subject matter I’ve decided to divide them as such:

(the “you are here” thing is cuz I posted this on one of my twitters, so it doesn’t reflect this blog JDFKSLKDF)

Basically the majority of my works (SFW as well as relatively tame violent/erotic pieces) will go to @idolkilling now, VYRSM will be for more raunchy things (graphic gore, unsanitary, extreme kinks), and VOREYEURISM will be for belly stuff (naturally). Same usernames on both Twitter and Tumblr, though I have yet to set up the kink-focused accounts… *head in hands* *slow ass SNS guy*

I’ll probably change the username of this blog so I can make the new ones secondaries? Unsure! I get overly-invested in the logistics of these things smh.

…There is also the fact I cannot post explicit art on Tumblr… I’ll probably just post previews and link to Twitter in that case, but I’d like to have the blogs for asks and general musings about kink without being constrained by Twitter’s character limit/no ask box ahaha/// I’m not sure when I’ll be able to get anything done, but it’s on my mind! I miss yelling here!!!

Anyway sorry for the long yap LOL Thank you for remembering me and taking the time to check in! It means a lot 🥹<3

[readingbythestreetlights]

mattdrai fic recs - masterlist

always check the warnings and tags for yourself before reading!! i will probably update this whenever i find a new mattdrai fic i really really enjoy, so be on the lookout if you’re interested!!

by request of @keyshui @whirlpool-blogs & @capsvsducks

medium-to-long fics (in no particular order):

1. slip under the tongue into translation by lighthousetowers ~ 32.2k words ~ mature: the quintessential mattdrai fic, at least in my mind. the vibes are wonderful, the chemistry is palpable, matthew learns german.

2. gather your broken lessons and move by rumandwhine ~ 30.4k words ~ explicit: cathartic, set in the 2028-2029 season, mattdrai figures some stuff out, davo does some best-friending.

3. comment for engagement by RippingOffZeppelin ~ 27.9k words ~ mature: matthew makes a youtube channel for PR purposes. a fic i had so so much fun reading. pretty lighthearted.

4. head above water by yourblues ~ 91.1k words ~ explicit: as far as i’m concerned, this is canon. this fic will make you feel every emotion. the slow burn and enemies to lovers hits hard. by far one of my favorites on this list. it’s a necessary read for any mattdrai fan, and i’ve personally reread it countless times. iconic quotes, iconic story, iconic scenes. i want this story to be engraved on my headstone when i die. also make sure to check out the author’s playlist on spotify after— it’s wonderful.

5. Growing Into Someone by blaahaj ~ 46.4k words ~ explicit: matthew goes to germany during the lockout… leon’s already there. these two figuring out their stuff in a foreign country *chef’s kiss*— a truly fantastic fic that i adore. the slow burn slow burns for sure.

6. Muscle Memory by blaahaj ~ 21.9k words ~ mature: i don’t even like most amnesia fics, but i love this one. memory loss on matthew’s side. this view of mattdrai is so cool while they learn to love each other again.

7. but please (don’t) bite by orphan_account ~ 52.7k words ~ mature: an alternate reality where leon and matthew were unprotected and thus drafted by the kraken. the slow burn sure slow burns (if i remember correctly). also features some cool cameos by one of the lomls: the wonderful braden holtby.

8. Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M. by irrelevanttous ~ 11.9k words ~ mature: leon slips up and tells matthew he loves him. matthew does some thinking. cool take on how they got together.

9. The Day Leon Draisaitl Swore Never To Buy Another Apple Product Again by irrelevanttous ~ 9.3k words ~ explicit: mattdrai figuring their crap out kinda, lotsa spice. smexy with a plot??

10. the kids are alright by lighthousetowers ~ 55.8k words ~ mature: matthew is a preschool teacher, leon’s still an oiler, a meet-cute and adorable romance ensue! the characterization is so cool, as it dives deeper in than just “matthew’s a nuisance, leon’s serious and slightly moody” and shows the two of them in a relatively new light. an amazing and enjoyable read!! plus, this is one of my favorite authors!!

shorter fics (in no particular order):

1. i got a bad idea by canoodles ~ 5.5k words ~ explicit: from the 2020 all-star game onwards. as the author put it: leon accidentally fucks himself into a relationship with the enemy. those early mattdrai vibes when they were both still in alberta.

2. A Reunion, a Beginning, and the Thief of Awkward Silences by puckedup ~ 3.3k words ~ mature: leon misses matthew being in alberta. they play each other in florida and things happen. some chirping (flirting???) (it’s hard to tell with these two) and overall a fun story.

3. sweet like honey by indydriver ~ 3.6k words ~ teen and up: chirping, flirting, and the gray area that exists between those two things. fun and lighthearted.

4. retrograde by ohtempora ~ 1.5k words ~ mature: leon’s first time in matthew’s florida house. matthew is learning to adjust sorta kinda. the author describes it perfectly in their author’s note, about how florida’s weird vibes transferred to the fic itself. it’s so wonderfully written with a super consistent tone and a really interesting view into matthew transitioning from calgary to florida.

5. found arms to fall right into by orphan_account ~ 6.3k words ~ mature: just super fun, matthew and leon are sort of fake maybe-dating??? this fic also has perfect amounts of brady and davo. a really enjoyable story that i really really recommend.

6. Hourglass Theory by puckedup ~ 1.3k words ~ not rated: fluffy, soft, soft boys. aftermath of mitchy and chucky’s lil brawl and pietrangelo’s slash on leon.

7. Emergency Contact by blaahaj ~ 1.8k words ~ teen and up: funnyyyy, quick chick flick, just a fun little mattdrai moment, established mattdrai.

8. Privileged Information by blaahaj ~ 3k words ~ teen and up: sequel to Growing Into Someone. fun fluff and an enjoyable little snippet/add-on to the series.

9. what my heart just yearns to say by puckthisshift ~ 6.3k words ~ mature: as the author aptly puts it: idiots to lovers. matthew understands some german dirty talk, shenanigans ensue. a super fun, quick read.

10. cut by daisysusan ~ 2k words ~ teen and up: established relationship, the writing style is SO GOOD, matthew and leon’s chemistry is tangible, alternate 2023 playoffs, the two are just adorable with each other.

11. In Which Leon Recognizes Tkachuk in a Dick Pic and Has Some Explaining to Do (But Only to Himself) by irrelevanttous ~ 8.1k words ~ mature: oilers shenanigans, jealous drat, realizations, davo being the best bff, a fun fic.

12. Should’ve Given You a Reason to Stay by scruffylou ~ 1k words ~ not rated: super short, a bit emotional, aftermath of matthew signing with the cats.

13. portions for foxes by wheelsnipecellysboys ~ 5.2k words ~ explicit: the chemistry is so well-written— i love the two of them in this story. sexy times and also emotions. matthew in florida and the 2023 asg.

14. break the news (you’re walking out) by kiwilies ~ 1.5k words ~ teen and up: such a captivating writing style. perfectly showcases the tension of moving from a location you’ve known for years to somewhere brand new. such an interesting dynamic between leon and matthew, while at a bit more than 1k words, doesn’t dive extremely deep into their relationship. very enjoyable fic that has a lot of artistry implemented by the author. so so cool.

[catboybiologist]

1 month HRT update and journal thingy!

So as I said in my pinned post, I'm gonna be doing a monthly kind of progress check on HRT. Well, it's been 32 days, so here it is! Here's some measurements of interest:

But, I found that the raw measurements, and a single "other column" wasn't sufficient to really catalogue my experience. So I wrote a long, probably overly detailed account of some of the things I've experienced in the past month.

And holy shit, what a month it's been.

So first off, lets start with what’s not happening. Some good, some bad. I think I missed the skin softness gene or something. I’ve really noticed no change in skin texture, and that’s often cited as the first noticeable physical change from HRT. My skin was somewhat soft before, but nothing like the transfemmes I know irl, so this was a bit disappointing. But in all honesty, it’s not that big of a deal.

The other thing that I haven’t noticed yet is a reduced aerobic capacity or physical ability. I’m sure this will come in time, but the interesting thing here is that one of my main physical activities, freediving, is actually a far more direct measurement of aerobic capacity than most others. I can’t do this in nearly a consistent enough way to actually log it, but my casual breath hold times in the couple of times I’ve been freediving since starting HRT haven’t changed. On a fairly standard dive, I usually stay down 60-70 seconds, and that’s still true. With good prep and good air conservation on the bottom (I like to hold onto rocks and kelp, and stay motionless while looking around lol), I can get 90 seconds or beyond (I don’t like pushing it). Part of the problem is that so much of this is variable, and is highly dependent on how good my equipment prep is that day (insulation and weighting), water conditions (cold and rough=more energy=shorter dives), and my boy physiology (how much I’ve eaten, caffeine intake, etc). But in general, I haven’t noticed major physical fitness changes yet. 

Weight gain has been intermittent. I’ve always been a bit swingy on my weight, and can easily go +/- 5lbs in no time at all. At one point, I was 4lbs over my pre-HRT weight (3 week interval), but now I’m down to 1 pound over. My waist is slightly thinner than it was pre-HRT, but that seems to be normal fluctuation. Where did the extra 1-3lbs go? We’ll get to that, LOL.

My waist measurement hasn’t changed, but anecdotally, I do think there’s changes going on there. The 43 inches measurement is still at my widest point, around my thighs (which have always been pretty good). Now, however, I’m noticing what seems to be some growth on areas that aren’t covered by the exact circle I’m using to measure that. My butt seems slightly bigger, although I could just be lying to myself. Time will tell.

Onto the stuff that has changed!

Mood. Oh my god mood. My resting state is no longer a crackling misery. I don’t think I was ever suicidal because of dysphoria alone, but I was certainly pushed to that point far, far easier when it was a contributing factor. I also just… didn’t enjoy anything about my body. When I was happy, it was a distraction. Now, it’s already much better. I still don’t like my body. I got a long way to go. But, I’m seeing progress, and it’s been incredible.

Emotions overall have been more intense. I’ve had a couple of downswings, and I get misty eyed easier. I haven’t had a proper cry yet, though. I get excited about things again, which was a COMPLETELY dead feeling. And I have also gotten angry at some things, which is also something I killed as a teenager because I was scared of where it took me. It hasn’t been as uncontrollable as I expected, however, and the negative emotions I’m experiencing more viscerally have been immensely cathartic. 

            And then, there's the big one. Hopefully that's literal. And that's breast growth. Almost immediately I noticed some kind of perking up, but no breast bud formation and no immediate growth. At about week 2, I was able to feel the distinct disks of breasts buds under my nipples, and my bust size started increasing. Now, at 4.5 weeks in, my bust size is 1.5 inches larger than it was pre-HRT.

           This is ludicrously fast. As in, so fast it has me questioning if I'm actually intersex or something. I think my E levels will be enlightening.

I really, REALLY don’t want to get too hopeful. But overall, if some of these trends continue… I’m gonna get a LOT curvier. Honestly, my ideal body would be pretty tight and trim… but I’m fucking estatic anyways. I’m just really, really hoping that the breast growth trend continues, and also that the tiny observations I’ve made about a bigger butt and thinner waist are actually real. I don’t know how long I’ll be able to boymode like this LMAO.

There’s also the opposite fear: if my estrogen levels are too high, it could signal the end of “puberty” too early. It’s looking like a possibility, but I gotta wait until next week for my levels check.

There’s one final set of observations I wanna put here, but y’all gotta not be weird about it LOL. I WILL block you and erase this part if you treat this as anything more than impartial observations about myself. Got it? Good. NSFW warning for the next bit.

I want to make some remarks on libido and erogenous sensitivity in general, because that has also been one of the most notable changes.

First off, I heard so many stories about HRT killing libido. Holy fuck, this has not been true for me. I’m going crazy sometimes LOL. I absolutely have a somewhat higher libido on average, but its already changed the way its expressed itself.

First off, my entire body is more sensitive to erogenous soft touch. The right kind of touch and care on my waist will feel very similar to more traditional erogenous zones. I’ve NEVER had this before, and was completely blindsided by it. I’m absolutely fascinated by what neural change caused that, but its really cool even if I don’t know the underlying explanation.

Second off, my libido spikes and hot flashes sometimes. I think this is pretty typical of anyone going under a hormonal change, and tbh I’m not surprised.

Third off is the weirdest one, and something that I’ve asked other transfemmes about, and none have been able to answer. My chest sensitivity seems to be going through very distinct mini-cycles, on the approximate span of time being one full “cycle” per week. Essentially, when I started HRT, my chest first got very sore, itchy, and sensitive to sources of pain and itchiness. It stayed like that for a few days, and then all sensitivity to the area cut out. My nipples pre-HRT were always more sensitive than other cis men, and in this phase, they were actually less sensitive than they were pre HRT. This lasted another couple of days… and then there was a period of massively increased erogenous sensitivity. Soft touches made me wild, and I started wearing  bra not for the support, but to block my shirt from rubbing against them and distracting me. Holy FUCK, this phase is insane. And then after that, they went back to sore again, and then dead again, and then erogenous again. Right now, I’m in the erogenous “phase” of what I think is the fourth cycle here since I started HRT. I have no fucking clue what’s going on. It’s not the period that some trans women report getting, its not a monthly thing. It might just be my body adjusting strangely to new hormones in general, but yeah. Its weird, bc it seems like a pretty unique thing. 

So yeah. That’s a journal thing. I had a LOT more thoughts about HRT starting beyond just the initial measurements, because so much hit me way faster than I thought it would, so I wanted to write something long form. I think I’m going to write something similar each month along with my measurements update, but I expect future writing to be much, much shorter. It’s been incredible so far, but I’m guessing less will be novel- I think things will only be different when I change aspects of my HRT regimen. We’ll see.

[thetriplets3]

"Your lover isn't feeling well, and even though it's probably dangerous to drive this late at night, you have to make sure they're all right."with Chris strniolo please??

I made it about just a bad day I hope that’s okay, I can redo it if you want anon! Also please read the note at the end!! Thank you for all your requests

warnings: anxiety, depression, overall a bad day mentally, brief mention of a mother daughter relationship (please let me know if I missed anything so I can update this)

☎️ One call away ☎️

It’s hard to tell what exactly made me feel this way, it’s just one of those days. I’ve struggled with mental health problems for years and it’s been getting better but some days feel like I’m back to where I was before. That’s what healing is, some good days some bad, the good outweigh the bad. It’s just frustrating to make progress and then feel like you’re starting from the beginning again.

I spent almost every hour tossing and turning last night unable to fall asleep or stay asleep for long. Despite this I have yet to get out of bed and it’s 3pm. I haven’t been able to do anything except mindlessly scrolling through tiktok not even paying attention to them, in my own little world that I desperately want out of. My phone vibrates, snapping me out of my trance to see a text from my boyfriend Chris.

Hey pretty girl haven’t heard from you all day. Everything alright?

I stare at his text for a while trying to find the right words to make everything sound like I’m fine. Sighing I drop my phone on my bed and head to the kitchen grabbing a snack before making my way back to my bed. Finishing off my snack, I curl up under the fuzzy blanket Chris got me for my birthday. He was here the other night, it smells just like his cologne. I lie there, basking in the smell that lingers bringing me comfort. I want him here, I need him here but I just can’t get myself to put this on him. He has so much on his plate already I don’t want him to worry about me, I’ll be fine this feeling will go away, until it inevitably comes back. A never ending cycle, it’s exhausting.

Apparently it’s been over an hour because I get another text from Chris.

Sweetheart is everything okay? What’s going on? I’m here talk to me.

Realizing I never replied to his first text I grab my phone and send a text back.

Hi love sorry for ignoring you. I’m fine I’m just not feeling it today. I love you and I miss you.

Almost immediately I get a text back which makes me smile at his concern.

What can I do to help? Do you want space or do you want me to come over because you know I’ll drop everything for you no matter how late it is.

My heart swells at how sweet he is.

You being here would make things better.

Within 10 minutes he’s knocking on my bedroom door, having let himself in to my house. Hearing me hum as a response he quietly makes his way to my bed, crawling in next to me.

“Hi sweet girl, I’m here now it’s okay” he said softly.

Quickly I scoot over into his arms, just wanting to be held by him. Closing my eyes I sigh trying to release the weight of the day. With his arms securely wrapped around my body, I feel safe. With a shaky breath I start trying to explain what’s going on.

“I don’t know what brought this on but I hate it I feel so helpless and lazy. I didn’t have it in me to even brush my hair it’s such a simple task and I couldn’t do it” I sputter out in tears.

“Don’t say that you know it’s not true that’s just what your mind is telling you and your mind is being silly today. Think of it this way it’s your body’s way of telling you to just relax and slow down and to take time for yourself. It happens, and yeah it sucks but tomorrow is a new day and a chance to try again” he reassures me. “Give me one second I’ll be right back”.

Rolling out from his grasp I lie there waiting for his return. Getting back in bed he hides what he went to go get behind his back and opened his arms for me. Reaching over to my nightstand he grabs my remote and opens netflix selecting my comfort show, making me smile.

With my head on his chest and my tired eyes fixated on the tv, I feel him move as much of my hair as he can to my back. Slowly and gently he brushes through my knotted hair starting at my ends. The repeated motion of the brush against my scalp has always been something I loved. It reminds me of being a kid and sitting on my mom’s counter as she did my hair for the day. It’s always been a comforting feeling to me and Chris knows this.

My eyes grow heavy as I struggle to keep them open. “Go to sleep love I’m not leaving. I love you so much I hope you know how proud I am of you, you’re so strong” is the last thing I hear before succumbing to a much needed sleep.

taglist:

@iluvmatt @antisocialties @dwntwn-strnlo @fake-coolbeans

AUTHORS NOTES:

[elliereject]

creep .1

* in which you’re dragged to a frat party and spend most of it lingering in the corner, that is until a certain auburn-haired girl with unusually sharp canines appears next you and turns your night into something much more interesting.

* loserish!reader, vamp!ellie 😫, hemophilia if you squint, creepy ellie…duh, depictions of a singular graphic scene at the end, kissing, biting, heavy petting. that’s pretty much it lmk if I missed anything..nsfw in future chapter(s)

* this is one of the only things I’ve written recently that I’ve enjoyed writing and found decent so I hope u enjoy it, I’m glad I got this out before Halloween too, I’ve had vamp!ellie rattling around in my head a for a while, yk, fellow writers..I’d love to see..werewolf!abby..haha jk jk, unless 🫣..

*mdni

wc ~ 1k

pt 2. coming soon

“God, ��� can you go dance? It’s a fucking party loosen up!”

You held your red solo cup up to your “friend” and gave her an awkward smile. “I’m good over here!”

She sighed and rolled her eyes before slipping back into the sweaty crowd.

This was the most uncomfortable you’ve ever felt in your life.

It was a Saturday night; the chilly air, crunchy leaves, and overall mood of the season had deluded you into wanting to go out and socialize, so for the first time in a long time you agreed to attend a frat party with a “friend” you’d met in one of your classes.

It took you almost an hour to get ready, and as you reapplied your eyeliner for the fifth time you hoped that the saying “when you look good, you feel good” was true and you didn’t spend 20 minutes picking your outfit in vain.

Once you were ready, your “friend” picked you up from your dorm and the two of you walked over to the party, she was already a little tipsy from pre-gaming in her dorm with her roommate who was going to some other party so you had to make sure she didn’t stumble onto her face more than once.

The makeshift bouncer, a senior named Grey, or Grug or something gave you a once-over before looking at your friend who had to clarify you were with her, which definitely didn’t deflate your confidence.

Before you were even in the crowded, humid house, you knew you weren’t going to enjoy yourself, you never really did at parties if you were being honest, but you didn’t think your “friend” would ditch you to go grind her ass on some random chads and brads, yet here you were, nursing a cherry seltzer, and there she was, shaking ass.

Yay, college!

You were about to take another sip from your cup when a presence suddenly appeared beside you that made you jump out of your skin and caused your drink to slosh onto the already sticky floor.

“Shit! What the fuck?” You asked, looking up at the figure who seemingly appeared out of thin air.

“Fuck! Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you, you just looked bored.” She replied, her voice was gravelly and her eyes, the colour of jade. Her auburn hair was cut short and freckles were scattered across her face. Safe to say she was hot. “I can go get you another drink?”

You waved it off, “It’s fine, it wasn’t that good anyways. Plus I should probably pay more attention to my surroundings, even if I am bored.”

She hummed out a sound of understanding, “Not your scene?”

You shrugged, “Not really,” you eyed her outfit, blue jeans with a green flannel and a brown leather jacket, converse. “Doesn’t seem like yours either.”

“Really? Cause I like just made out with Bryson in the storage closet, it was suuuupper hot.” She said, pointing a ringed finger to a blond dude clad in a football jersey who was currently shoving his tongue down a blonde girl's throat.

You allowed yourself a small smile, hot and funny? Yikes.

“Pretty sure his name is Brickson, but close enough.”

“What the fuck kind of name is Brickson?” She laughed, “Did a brick fall on his head after he was born or some shit?”

You shrugged before smiling, fully, “Judging by how flat the top of his looks? Probably.”

She snorted at this and you couldn’t help but feel a sense of pride, you made this hot, funny, cool girl laugh, you!

“Hey, so don’t freak out but that guy’s been staring at you for the past 10 minutes.” She said, flicking her head in the direction of said guy.

You turned your head to look at him, he wasn’t..unattractive. He was muscular and had on a sports jersey that seemed to small for his build, his hair was cut into a messy mullet and when he met your gaze he…winked.

You cringed and looked back at the cool girl, “I hope he doesn’t think anything’s gonna happen, he’s not really my type.”

She gave you a knowing smile before asking, “And what exactly is your type?”

You shrugged, “Preferably someone with boobs.”

She sighed, “Can’t relate, I love penis.”

You gave her a pointed look and she laughed, “What? Not believable?”

You rolled your eyes, “Not in the slight—“ your eyes widened as they looked past her shoulder. “Shit, he’s walking over here.”

“Wanna do something crazy then?” She asked quickly, her jade eyes meeting yours and you found yourself nodding before she even finished her sentence. Hell, you’d bark if she asked you to. “Just follow my lead.”

Her large hand wrapped around your waist while her other found purchase on your neck, before you could think her lips were on yours. Slightly chapped but soft and enticing, kissing her was easy and you felt like you could do it forever.

Her skin was so cold you could feel it through your clothes. Your mind was completely encapsulated by her presence and just as you were starting to get used to it, she pulled away.

You thought whatever moment the two of you shared was over but you were wrong. Her lips trailed along your jaw, and her grip on your waist tightened. The hand that had been holding your neck was now on your hip, caressing back and forth with tenderness that had your thighs clenching, wanting more.

Each kiss felt like a snowflake melting into your skin until she was down to your neck. She kissed and nibbled on it before pausing.

“What’s wr—Ow! What the hell? Did you just–bite me?”

She chuckled after pulling away, “Never gotten a hickey before?”

You went quiet, because, well you haven’t but you’re sure it didn’t result in genuine blood trickling out of one’s body.

You traced your fingers over the mark and winced, it was most definitely going to leave a scar. She must’ve seen the discontentment on your face because she spoke up.

“Don’t worry, it’ll heal up quickly, you won’t even notice there was something there by tomorrow.” Her eyes clung to drops of blood dribbling down your neck.

You scoffed, “Let me guess, you’ve done this before?”

“Kind of.” She shrugged after what looked like reluctantly peeling her eyes away from your neck. “That guy’s gone though, must’ve scared him off.”

You smiled at her, “Must’ve been my presence, I can be pretty intimidating.”

She laughed loudly at this and you felt your confidence inflate once again. So much so, that the idea of asking for her number even popped into your head. But it was overtaken by more rational thoughts,

What if she thought you were weird? That you were moving to quick? Or what if she was just looking for someone to take home tonight, which you wouldn’t be opposed to but—

“Hey.” She snapped her fingers in front of your face.

“Sorry, what’d you say?” You asked sheepishly, you can’t believe you spaced out in front of her, you could’ve sworn she was hypnotizing you with her laugh or something.

“You do need to pay more attention to your surroundings,” She said, giving you a small smile, “Never know what kind of creeps are lurking around at these parties.”

You rolled your eyes, “I’m sure I can hold my own against a Chad or a Brittney.”

“I’m sure you could but—“ The music that had previously been wafting through the room turned up abruptly and you’d missed the last part of what she said.

“What?!” You shouted, putting your hand up to cup your ear.

She chuckled softly and leaned down so her lips were practically grazing the shell of your ear, the smell of mint, whiskey, and something metallic filled your senses.

When she spoke, a shiver racked through your body, “But if it was someone a little smarter? More discreet? If they snuck up beside you and covered your mouth? Or slipped something in your drink? Pulled you away? Would anybody notice, would anybody care?”

You pushed her away, her cool, easy going demeanor suddenly shifting into something eerie and uncomfortable. Her jade eyes gazed at you curiously as a blood-curdling shriek ripped through the house.

She jutted her thumb over her shoulder, “That’s my cue. See you around, ★.” She said, giving you a genuine smile, and it was just now you finally noticed her unusually sharp canines.

You gazed down at your drink as others pushed and shoved around, scrambling to get out of the house, away from all the horror.

And as you pulled a small scrap of paper out of your empty cup, 10 numbers and a name scrawled across it in red ink; you finally looked up to see your friend's lifeless body sprawled across the living room floor, her limbs bent in odd angles.

Yay, college!

[nkjemisin]

I’ll miss you Twitter

Wow. OK, at this point my bet’s on the lettuce.

It’s pretty clear now that Twitter is not long for this world. Testament to staff that the site has held up this long with so many critical personnel gone and functions failing... but everything that has a beginning has an end. I wish All The Twitter Staff who’ve jumped ship a very Quick Job Hunt, and I especially hope all the H1B visa holders who are stuck at Twitter find some kind of escape raft before the ship goes down completely. (Remember that I used to be a career counselor to students and alumni in STEM fields, back in my old day job. I know some of those people. Worried for them.)

Gotta admit, I am enjoying the schadenfreude of watching Elon show his entire ass to the world... but overall Twitter’s demise is bad news. With so much of our (US) mainstream media now taken over by right-wing ideologues, getting accurate information and takes from marginalized groups on societal events is going to get a lot harder. Twitter’s failure is also going to make life harder for every artist you know. I’ll probably be okay at this point in my career, though I guess we’ll just have to wait and see on that. (I’m doing good, y’all, but I think the only authors who don’t need to do any self-marketing are maybe J. K. Rowling, Neil Gaiman, and Stephen King. For the rest of us, the hustle is eternal.) But artists who aren’t as established, academics, and activists are just some of the groups who are going to struggle without that hellsite. Please be sure to seek out your favorite authors, musicians, mutual aid orgs, etc., find out where they’ll be going forward, and support them as best you can. 

Anyway. It turned into a toxic mess near the end, but I remember the awe I felt watching the Arab Spring happen on there. I made some friends for life there. Black Twitter! Informative threads about so many topics! Research for some of my books! Hell, I pretty much built my whole professional career there; transitioned there from LJ around the time my first book came out. I’ve gotten career opportunities I never would’ve had there, and made contacts with people I never would’ve dreamed of getting to know. There were so many good moments. But all these moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Until the next thing comes along... but that doesn’t mean the loss doesn’t hurt.

[quibbs126]

I can finally post this, after weeks!

But yeah, this here is something I made to celebrate the 9th anniversary of Evoland 2

Some people may remember this work in progress from weeks ago, but now I can finally show the finished product. Which I finished 2 weeks ago

It’s based on the 3D picture you get when you finish the game, specially the 100% completion, and more specifically, my screenshot that I took when I first completed the game and got 100%

Though I should probably also note that this was the only picture I had of the beach scene until I was mostly done with the picture, so there are some inaccuracies between it and the original. Except for Reno in place of the Prophet, that was completely intentional

This game was I think the first (and will probably be the only) game I’ve ever 100% completed, and when I did it the first time, it was just because I knew that games would have extra things for those who 100% it, and I wanted to see what the game would give me. It’s the only time I was so invested in a game that I had to know what I’d get if I got everything. It’s also the only game where losing nearly 10 hours of progress due to a (maybe) glitch does not make me give up the game in frustration, but instead complete the entire thing within a single school week

I may gripe about my issues with the game, but I absolutely love it, and I have a lot of fun playing it. Well, aside from the parts I’m bad at, but that’s just because I’m bad at them. I feel like I have next to nothing to complain about from a gameplay perspective (which is in part because I don’t know how to critique gameplay, but also because I think any issues I have are my own fault), it’s just narrative stuff. And even then, I wouldn’t nitpick it so much if I wasn’t so invested in the world, story and characters

Maybe today I’ll start replaying it again, seeing how I’m pretty sure I’m free today from any schoolwork

I’m still holding on to some admittedly delusional hope that a 3rd game could release one day, even if I know it’ll almost certainly have nothing to do with this one, but even if it never does, I’ll still have this game to play over and over again, so I can accept it

I was disappointed that I missed the last two, since I first played the game in 2022, but not this year, I remembered!

Now to just talk about the art itself, the reason there’s two versions is because I originally made the background lineless, but after finishing the characters I thought it maybe clashed a bit too much, so I made a duplicate of the picture to do a lined version. But I also spent so long on the lineless version that I didn’t want to just leave it in the void, so I’m showing it too

Admittedly now I think I can say the lined version probably is the better one, but I can still show off both

I used the card colors for the characters, since all of them have cards for reference, but now I’m looking at the colors and thinking they look somewhat wrong. At least on Menos

Also as mentioned prior, I switched out the Prophet for Reno. I know I’m biased but I really think he’d fit in this picture of all the main characters far more than the Prophet, considering he’s kind of the reason the plot started, the second half happened, and he’s the main motivation for one of our party members. I mean, I see why the Prophet’s there in the original. He’s really the only other semi-important character with a 3D model, and Reno never had one, so they’d have to make an entirely new one just for this extra thing. Also it doesn’t make sense for him to have a 3D model in the first place, especially not of his Present era self. But not only is this now a drawing where I have the power to do what I want, this scene isn’t canon in the first place, so put Reno in the background there!

Overall though, I’m honestly surprised the piece turned out as good as it did. Those who follow me know that I was really struggling with drawing during the summer, more specifically drawing people and the Evoland 2 cast. But despite all that, I think the characters turned out pretty well. Certainly not the best, but better than I was expecting. And not only that, but the background turned out so much better than I thought it would, especially since I don’t usually do backgrounds. Though I suppose it does help to have a reference for all this though. But yeah, there was a reason I was so proud of how the sketch turned out, and while the final product may not have entirely been what I was hoping for after the sketch, it still turned out pretty good

As long as I can remember it next year (which I really hope I can, considering that’s the 10th anniversary), I’ll try to make something there too, hopefully with much improved drawing skills, since I’m still trying to figure all that out again still

Not sure what I’ll draw then. Maybe I could redraw the beach scene, or make an entirely new beach scene concocted by my brain. But it’s also the 10th anniversary next year, so maybe it should be something more special

Ah well, that’s next year’s problem. For now, have this to celebrate the game’s anniversary. For the minuscule amount of people who actually play this game, I guess

[marybatson]

Hello again wise oracle of the Batson knowledge ✨ I have a question, comics are complicated and rain is wet, what else is new? I wanted to read To Hell and Back but I wasn't completely sure what stories are set before that one. I think it all starts with Seven Magic Lands? But that's as far as my knowledge goes :/

lolol I think i can help! hmm while I’m here let me just give you the overall order we got when they kickstarted the whole shazam soft reboot (at least where i felt it began) until maybe present day bc i get that it can be a little odd trying to understand where current continuity really begins:

Shazam! (2018) / this is seven lands and yes you’re right, it is mostly what domino effects everything that comes next. but just know some lore “established” here becomes pretty wishy washy by the time we get to the present, including characterization sometimes, so take it w a grain of salt probably

Shazam!: Lightning Strikes (2020) / extremely optional and quick fun read about the other shazam user kids, but a couple side stories sort of additional to everything during Shazam! (2018)

Future State: Shazam (2021) / in my opinion, also an optional read. the future state storyline isn’t super important or relevant to where billy and co go afterwards but i did kinda like the speculative idea of captain-without-billy even if grimdark lol.

Teen Titans Academy (2021) / now this is where you would officially begin if you just want context for To Hell and Back. also must forewarn that this book isn’t actually…good…lol. but that’s just my own opinion…. To Hell happens in between issues of these so I would read the starting issues first then To Hell then again the last issues of TTA since that’s sort of where things leave off for the shazam kids until mary’s tncos

Shazam!: To Hell and Back (2022) / the reason why he’s joined the academy is bc he’s trying to find a way to get his powers back that he + the rest of the kids have lost/destabilized for some reason. the actual logistics of this is probably best not looked that deeply into lmao. anyway it brings back neron, who was brought back in Future State, but whose best appearance was his role in Underworld Unleashed (1995) and just for funsies (+ neron’s characterization) I’d recommend trying that out if you have free time

everything after this is pretty much just dark crisis appearances then dc’s dawn of dc lazarus planet stuff (dark crisis didn’t necessarily have much impact on the shazam storyline plus i didnt really read all that sooo not listing idk):

The New Champion of Shazam! (2022) / establishes mary + the kids minus billy

Lazarus Planet: We Were Once Gods (2023) / billy got saved by mary and malik white aka bolt aka read Black Adam (2022) if u havent…

Lazarus Planet: Revenge of the Gods (2023) / event stuff

Wonder Woman (2016) #798 / weave-in to Lazarus Planet, pertaining to mostly to mary’s story but billy’s a lil relevant

Shazam! (2023) / ongoing comic in continuity. the one where he’s officially “the captain” again.

i’m hoping I got it all but if anyone spots something I’ve missed lmk (there’s kinda a weird gap between 2018 and future state but that’s just bc he’s just doing other events i think….don’t rmr oopsie)!!! So sorry this was longer than you prob wanted. luckily all in all minus his appearances elsewhere billy’s own comics since 2018 have been pretty linear. the narratives and lore haven’t really been streamlined that well but it’s there lol

[quinnhills]

Good to know you're feeling welcome! :D this is our little place in the internet, and we've decided to make it trans and gay as hell (n i gotta say, i did think "they-them gang! :o" when i found out you started using they/them too a while ago X3 ) n if you received this ask more than once, my tumblr bugged out before i could finish, sorry (。_。)

anyways, and sorry if this is long, but Woe- More Tumblr Things Be Upon Ye:

there used to not be an image limit before, causing a few- interesting posts… tho that changed a few years ago and recently, at first the limit being 10 images per post to now 30 images per post (you can also move the images around a bit)

if you plan on staying long term on tumblr and use desktop the most, i recommend getting the browser extensions Xkit &/or New Xkit cuz… yeah, tumblr is pretty nice, but it sometimes gets hard to use. it also adds extra useful things to the tumblr experience, which is nice to have. i'd say tumblr is like living in a cheap apartment in a calm area of the city. the place's great for what it is, just gotta be sure to leave rat traps near holes and dont worry about the Beast down the hall,

speaking of rats, we got an infestation. you may or may not have heard of it with the voter fraudage going with the polls a bit ago; since tumblr has little to No email verification, people outside tumblr buy bots to get in here and start posting malicious links. tho the bots are surprisingly easy to identify (often times blank blogs with very weird descriptions + stolen picture of lady or ai generated. you'll know it when you see it), and the protocol here is block and report spam so staff can deal with it

and btw if you want to keep a post for as long as your blog stands, i recommend rebloggin! thanks to how tumblr is build as, even if the original post or that blog is gone, the reblog will stay with you (+ tags on reblogs dont really make a post expand outside of your own blog, so many use this to create Very intricate personal tag systems to make easier finding posts, bc once a blog gets 1k+ post in it, it gets hard finding anything on it... <- knows this from experience u.u)

oh and last thing before i go again (and something i found out recently), another browser extension ive been loving: Stylus! with it you can customize a ton of sites to your liking And with a specific style found in the archive of this extension, you can change how the dashboard looks! even changing the background to any image you might want :D

so yeah, thats it, for now. i got more info if you want it, just lmk 👉👈

and you probably already noticed this, but there isnt really any word limit for posts or asks around these lands. tho on tags, the character limit on a single tag is 139. but you can put a Lot of tags, so there! be free mx quinn, no character limit holds you down no more ヽ(✿ﾟ▽ﾟ)ノ

Thank you so much for the knowledge!

Some Quinn Facts:

Mx., Ms. and Miss are all acceptable :)

I use “gay as hell” as a sort of tongue-in-cheek shorthand, but I also identify as trans as hell, queer as hell, non-binary as hell, lesbian as hell, and anxious/depressive as hell

I’m a vegetarian

My favorite food is pineapple pizza (controversial, I know)

For a few years in the early 2000s, I was a licensed auctioneer

The most times I’ve ever cried during a movie is 5 times during Happiest Season

I like the idea of books, but I’m bad at reading them

Overalls give me gender euphoria, and I don’t know why

I hope to release a solo album within the next year

I hope to direct a feature-length film by the time I’m 40

Coming out was the best thing I ever did

[gamesception]

lets read rgu chapter 12

I’ve been told that this version of Juri is the originally intended version of the character?  And while I don’t think the person who said that was lying or anything, it’s still kind of hard to believe.  Partially because there seems to be a lot of misinformation going around about this series - a lot of folks online seem to think that the manga - the entire manga - came first and the anime was an adaptation from that, which my initial research says is not the case.  Partially because that bit of research also gave me the impression that Ikuhara wasn’t very forthcoming with anyone during the production regarding the overall direction of the story.  I’m not sure I would buy anyone’s account of what the original vision for Utena’s story was “supposed to be” other than Ikuhara, and possibly not even his.

I could easily see how we could go from anime Juri to this - ie, Ikuhara had an idea for the character that he knew would be controversial so he kept it close to his chest and didn’t tell anyone for as long as possible, leaving Saito with a character design but no character that might as well just be slotted in as a romantic rival for Touga’s affections in a manga story that is at least presenting itself more as an Utena/Touga romance.  On the other hand, if manga juri was genuinely the initial intent by everyone, including Ikuhara, from the very beginning, I have a hard time seeing how the pivot from this to anime Juri happened mid production.

I mean, that would take some kind of miracle.

Setting aside other versions of her character - hypothetical or realized - manga Juri is a purely physical threat.  She doesn’t have a compelling motivation to relate to, she doesn’t present a significant thematic challenge to Utena’s worldview or princely ambitions.  She’s just someone who is good at sword fighting - a fact that the still image format of the manga can /tell/ us, but can’t convincingly /show/.  The duel panels are very pretty, but don’t really convey a great sense of danger or difficulty than those with Saionji.  And Juri’s supposed unbeatable fencing skill is pretty significantly undermined when just a couple pages into the fight Utena calls down the power of Dios...

and then Utena just wins. effortlessly.

Another unfortunate thing I’m just now realizing is that with Juri having the one sided crush on Touga and being a bitter and jealous antagonist over it, there’s not much left for Nanami to do when she’s introduced....

only she’s probably not going to be introduced, is she?  I mean, the dissolving dress party prank thing didn’t happen, we haven’t seen or mentioned her yet, the manga probably doesn’t have time for comedy side episodes...  Anime’s best worst girl just doesn’t appear in this comic at all, does she?

Another of my favorite characters missing entirely from this version of the story.

Anyway, Utena tries to ask Touga if he’s the prince who saved her as a child, but can’t quite bring herself to do it.

The next day she’s still distracted thinking about it, throwing off her archery game, though we do get a cute moment of Wakaba cheering her on, so that’s nice.

Afterwords Miki approaches Utena to talk about Juri and Touga.  He feels bad for Juri, and wants to go talk to Touga about it.  sure I guess.

Touga’s dorm is a mansion for some reason.  That’s kind of funny.  I’m not sure why they’re coming here if he’s supposed to still be in the clinic?

They break into Touga’s house using a spare key, and I’m still not sure why, or what they’re doing here.  I mean, I know what Utena’s doing here - she’s snooping around to find out if Touga’s her prince.  Manga Utena is significantly more concerned about that then anime Utena.

Ok, so Miki’s snooping around because he thinks Touga’s up to something and has been in communication with EotW instead of just receiving letters from them.  At least I get what they’re trying to do, though not why he invited Utena on the spying mission.

Utena finda a picture of Touga and Nanami (forshadowing a future character introduction?  Am I wrong about her being completely absent?), mentions how she always wanted a sibling.  Miki starts to open up about whatever the manga version of his deal is when they hear someone else in the building and rush to hide.

A couple pages are out of order in the scan here, which caused a fair bit of confusion, but basically they rush to hide in a cupboard, but it turns out to be a secret door to Touga’s wizard sanctum.

And that’s where the chapter ends.

I don’t know.  It’s hard to be super invested in the rose magic wizard mystery when I feel like I mostly know what’s going on already from having watched the anime - even if there’s more detail on that side of things in the manga, where as the interpersonal character stuff - the stuff that stays compelling to me even if I already know it - is largely absent in this rendition.

I wasn’t expecting to like the manga as much as the anime going in, but even so I’m still pretty disappointed.  It’s not incompetently crafted by any means, it still looks good, and some bits even look better than the anime version, but still.

But hey, maybe they’ll do something with the star signs business, and I’ll be able to make some homestuck jokes?

[sizzlingpatrolfox]

I don't think Layover did great tbh. Terrible on YouTube (including all his MVs, Tiny Desk, and music show performances), underperformed in the biggest music markets, did poorly on k-charts (that debut was abysmal compared to the other members), predicted for less first week albums in the US than D-Day despite an extra version (but waiting on chart). Here’s a chart I’ve seen floating around Twitter that gives a good idea. Probably need to verify some of it, but I think it’s mostly accurate...

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/F6LDbz4bYAADB7M?format=jpg&name=medium

His fanbases started working really hard on his first week Spotify streams when they realized he wasn’t doing great anywhere else, so he ended up with higher first week streams than FACE and LC, but barely, and most of his streams came from SEA (which isn’t a big deal or anything, but a lot of it was definitely from mass streaming farms). He also had a massive day 8 drop and allegedly way lower than day 8 for FACE. And let’s note that Layover has one extra song instead of an interlude too. He’s also higher on some official album charts, but that’s only because FACE wasn’t eligible because it’s an EP. He had much bigger overall album sales, but we were expecting that with vbar. I think they bought like 840k? So over 1/3 of his sales.

Unless I’m missing some achievements or got something wrong (I haven’t kept up with everything), I think it was a pretty meh debut considering all the promo he did and the fact that he’s “the most popular member”. They only have those first week streams, pretty sure. LMA has had good longevity though, so I guess we'll see. And BTW, they’re saying his hot100 performance was hurt because of DC2 sales being gone, which, sure, but he had 50k Slow Dancing CDs to compensate, way more than LC, and they couldn't even completely sell them out. I think his stans were using VPN to buy on iTunes in the US too because a few days in he went from 1 to 44 on iTunes chart with no explanation and never recovered. Curious what his final sales end up being. I'm not saying he did bad, but I don't think it's really anything to brag about either... I haven't seen a ton of objective people talking about it though so idk for sure.

The spreadsheet is killing me hahahs #dedication. I would like to know the missing numbers and positions, tho! Still, thank you.

I knew about kcharts, youtube, albums, and first week on spotify for the album. I saw some number that I assume included his prereleases, and it really is nothing major considering the first tracks released, and the fact that it had one more song than face. Just five minutes ago I saw that on their 8th day, like crazy (combined) had the same number of streams as Taehyung's entire album??

Sidenote: if there's one thing I was forced to learn this year, is how much difference combined versions of a song can make.

I don't think he had that much of international promo, or at least I didn't see it. I know he's been to A LOTTT of korean shows, and also his promo for pre-releases was already longer than Jimin's, but I think he just comes across as a really uninteresting person so I don't know if people would actually tune in to his music, no matter how many times they see him on TV. He definitely got more than Jimin, that's 1000% for sure, even if we consider the MVs alone; he got the same thing Jimin was denied.

I knew he'd get more albums sales, because past experience. And I knew they'd try hard to stream to break some "records", even if it won't hold up for too long. I also knew he doesn't really have many fans in the US, (I still think Jimin's the most popular member there). I've also been saying since the day I opened this blog that his "popularity" is overrated and he's never really been in the same league as Jimin when it comes to music. I blew off so many people here who would come up to me and try to convince me he was competition to Jimin or better than him in some way.

I guess the only thing I'm surprised with is youtube. I got his tiny desk video on my homepage today (saved it to watch later) and it has less than 300k views.......... It's kinda crazy. I wonder if part of the reason he got his visual album was because his youtube numbers were usually better than everyone else's combined and they believed he'd do good.

Oh, and the songs credits. It's unbelievable to me that he did NOTHING on it. People who work on songs get credits even for writing two words, so I just can't wrap my mind around the fact that he didn't do anything at all.

I'm also curious if they would've restocked the digital CD had it been sold out, but my gut tells me they wouldn't have, or it would've been just one more, and a smaller batch.

[reaperkaneki]

ok here are my Thoughts on gin noto

under cut bc it got long lol

first off, he is very strong representation. as in, i think this might be the platonic ideal of a transmasc character. which has its good points and bad.

sweet-p’s arc was rooted in some obviously transphobic jokes/points/etc but at its core, her arc felt well-intentioned and overall she was definitely portrayed as one of the most sympathetic of the musicians (who are antagonists but certainly not outright villains, which the musician route makes abundantly clear). she also is not, like, described as trans per se, mostly as a crossdresser who loves cute things and wishes she were a cute girl (so like, she’s trans) and honestly her arc is about self-image and body dysmorphia in general (weight and age and outside perception are all major factors). and that’s what sets her apart from gin, gin is very much about Gender Dysphoria And Conforming To Societal Gender Roles first and foremost.

unlike sweet-p’s writing, gin’s doesn’t have any overt flaws to point to, which is why i had to mull it over for a while to figure out what was missing, and i think it’s because it is very much aimed at a cis audience. the narrative itself is perfectly fine, it’s the meta-narrative that bothers me.

when gin confesses that irl, he was assigned female at birth and presents as female in his day-to-day life, and asks the player, does this change anything, there is a right answer and a wrong answer. the wrong answer is to tell him that you don’t care what gender he is, it doesn’t change anything at all; gin perceives this as a half-assed, dismissive response said without thinking and becomes upset and it locks you out of the rest of his character episodes. the correct answer is to tell him that you don’t know, you’re not sure. maybe it does change things between the two of you. gin feels that this is a understandable position to take, like, of course it might be a big deal, it certainly feels like a big deal to him!

and yes, to someone who hasn’t encountered a trans person before, that’s probably a reasonable response. to me, specifically, a fellow transmasc person, i think i sorta laughed at this part because, like, the only thing that would change if a coworker or friend or whatever told me that they were actually stealth trans this whole time (and that’s being generous bc gin is Not Slick lmfao the foreshadowing for him being trans is super obvious to anyone who knows) i’d be like cool! love that for you. etc etc. bc transgenderism is Normal to me.

but the game assumes You Are A Cis Person Who Isn’t Sure How To React To Trans People. the game doesn’t let you be trans. there’s not a nonbinary option, despite having a cyborg for an antagonist and, more egregiously, a canonically nonbinary character in your party. (i’d say pronouns, but that’s not quite the same in japanese.) not that i was expecting that to be possible, but it is a clear separation of gameplay and story that hinders roleplay (in an rpg where your character’s backstory is almost completely undefined)!

this is not to say that gin is poorly written. like i said, he’s like the platonic ideal of representation. he’s easy to clock specifically because his experiences ring true; he’s always, always, always overcompensating and posturing “as a man”, he’s trying to conform to his own personal image of “what men do”, “how guy friendships work”, “what guys are interested in”. when asked why he gets along with women so well, he lies and says it’s because he has an, uh, older sister! so he’s spent a lot of time around women! he dresses trendy, but not too fashionably (because that’s feminine, he’s function over form allegedly), and the cut of his clothes is soooo. well. the silhouette is masculinizing, or at least androgynous, let’s say. he even wishes he were taller.

i’m pretty sure i’ve done most of those things. this is writing that either speaks from experience or understands the prompt and has done the goddamn research.

it is, however, very, VERY cool that he actually turns out to Not Be A Man, at least in the sense he’s always wanted to be. REALLY good nonbinary arc that i wish wasn’t constrained to, like, the last two character episodes. it’s the one interesting ‘twist’, and i love that it explains a lot of things about him! when he talks about working as a woman irl and busting his ass in heels, he sounds proud, even as he admits that presenting female always made him uncomfortable. and lo and behold, his catharsis effect sports a pair of gold heels! if he was just a hypermasculine trans man, that would be super uncomfortable, as if it were some sort of transphobic indicator of his ‘true self’ being feminine. but no, it’s because he’s hiding that aspect of himself. he repressed his masculine tendencies to conform to social norms, and then inadvertently did the same to his feminine side, but both are important. he likes the heels.

i also like that he’s bi and acknowledges that his relationships never worked out bc he hadn’t figured out his shit yet. it do be like that sometimes.

unfortunately, i think he’s also kind of boring? like, besides her wanting to be a cute girl, sweet-p had other stuff going on, she had that boke/tsukkomi routine with stork, she had a genuine love for yume-kawaii (whereas while gin has many interests, a not-insignificant part of those interests is male posturing), she was even a musician! i understand that gin’s blandness is On Purpose because he dislikes rocking the boat (but he hates posers, which was a genuinely interesting reaction from him that didn’t feature as strongly in his arc as i wanted. even kiriko comments on it), but doesn’t change the fact that he ain’t weird enough! can’t even be an only sane man bc he goes along with everyone’s bs lol

anyway gin is cool and well-written as a trans character but missing a bit otherwise. i’d still definitely love to hang out and get beef bowls and boba with him :)

[schlagerkopf]

Ableben

On paper, I’m supposed to despise Naftaly Bennett, very much so. But I don’t. I think he’s a solid dude. His external look gives me some kind of chill vibe. He’s got that Cheshire cat look. He’s the type of person I want to dance with, soaked in sweat, in a wedding or a big event.

Maybe it’s not Bennett I should despise, but his manager – the genius who came up with the elections slogan “Something new is happening”. This insanely transmittable slogan that showed on buses and other random places I’ve been and went these last few months has kept reminding me that terrible moment in which I was given the bad news that “something new is happening”.

It happened today exactly one year ago. Friday night, 15th of June 2012. I was 26, two months and four days. Lying on my bed, my old N95 phone from 2007 was stuck to my left ear. My airconditioner was making noises of working, hardly making anything cool – I wasn’t cool in any way, not the situation, not me. On the Friday night news in the living room, my parents were watching the panelists laughing about something, while I was slowly dying in my sinking bed. The room was lit only by the hour on the digital counter on the TV cable transmitter – eternalizing the hour in which love died. I won’t be 100% true if I will argue it is exactly what she said – “something new is happening”. Maybe it was “something is beginning”. Her stream of words continued without pause, her voice sounding as if she is a little unsure, trying not to hurt – but knowing how much it hurts, how much pain it brings about.

“He’s not sleazy, he’s really sweet”.

And then started my elegant pleas for another chance:

“I love you”

“Give love another chance”

“Please”

And the likes.

That also had a pretty built-in response, that was pretty much based around “too little, too late”.

“It’s over Amir, you do not hear how many ‘No’s’ I’m giving you in this conversation”.

Then: “Good luck in the exams”.

That’s it. Alles ist vorbei. I’m left alone, shocked, crying like a baby with my old ass phone, while everyone’s already got smartphone, and she’s probably going to kiss him and do other deeds that I will never ever do again with her in this dimension.

She tapped that long red thingy on iPhones to end the convo. For me it was a simple “END” button. And when they were hit, that’s it, it was over. One year and ten months. 18 months overall. 547 days. And that’s it. A little button is pressed, a little dance of a finger, and we turn from actuality to history. A notable part of two people’s lives has ended. One, as it seems, only wants to forget it. The other, good god, a 26 year old and 4 months man, crying like a baby.

  Yeshayahu Leibowitz was an Israeli public intellectual who said interesting things. On one show in 1994 he was asked if he missed old Israeli politicians, from the age of those who built up and founded Israel. He answered with his special accent that hints he was not born in Israel himself, that he does not understand the question.

“I do not understand the question. What does it mean to miss a person?”

The person who asked the question tried to sharpen, resulting in Leibowitz simply saying:

“All of these – they were right for their hour. And we are dealing in this hour”.

I watched this some sad evening and it lifted me up immensely. Here’s a role model. What is it to miss someone, at all? What good does it do? It helps nothing, it’s not constructive. What was once, was. What matters is now.

If Leibowitz indeed didn’t miss anyone, he was a superhero of sorts, and the strongest one. Superman can fly, yeah, sure, but doesn’t he miss someone? And Spiderman? Doesn’t Batman miss his parents?

Missing is my kryptonite. It makes me weak. Especially when I am in my bed, full of memories and so empty, and especially if it happens in a late-night hour.

Missing is a sort of alchemy. It’s not something real, existing, it’s not something you can touch or smell. Mine is the worst kind of longing. It’s for something that was but isn’t. I believe the Portuguese call it “Saudade”. You can miss your friend but you know you’ll see them next week. And you can miss your lover, knowing you’ll never see them again.

  It’s hard to write about breakups. I wrote her a letter two weeks after the breakup. It was six pages and I’ve included some chocolate and a flower. It didn’t help. Because writing about breakups is futile, in a sense.

It’s hard to write about breakups because seemingly there isn’t much to say. I mean, yeah, ok, there is, but what will I say? It’s a paradox seeing that I’m in the midst of writing a long piece about breakups. It also doesn’t go with the fact that if it weren’t for breakups, most music we would be listening to nowadays would be instrumental. So, let’s agree that there’s a lot to say about breakups but at the same time there isn’t – life is complicated like that. I can say that I am hurting so much but how will I transmit this pain to you, the reader? The longing, the pain, the regret, the heaviness on the chest at 2am, when you wake up from a dream where she still loves you, and you realize reality is here and she doesn’t anymore. She used to, a lot, but no anymore. No more “good morning” text messages.

And what can you say anyway? “Time heals”. “Many fish in the sea”. I spent all of summer 2012 depressed in my room, what a waste. Sleeping on the pillow she bought me for my 25th birthday. A 90s boombox she once found and gifted me on a random morning where we said goodbye with a kiss, five months before she dropped the bomb on me – if to quote the Gap Band.

On the morning of June 5th 2012, after she spent the night over at my place, we just kissed and she got into her car and left to work. It was just another goodbye. How was I to know it was the last one ever? That it’s the last time I ever see her? The last time I see her in a world where she loves me? In a world, in a galaxy, where she has love for me in her loving heart? I thought about this moment for so long, about our last kiss – not knowing it is our last kiss. Maybe she knew already? Just a kiss and she left. I was clueless. Like I always am.

  In university, I studied about Martin Heidegger the philosopher. The professor talked about a word in German named “Ableben”. Like many others in Deutsch, it has many meanings, one of them is “Came to an end.

I see the word as the following: “An idea that came to an end. An idea that died. The idea that was between her and me, love, has come to an end. Suddenly, one side decided it is over, and the other side must deal with that.

And that’s something I learnt about breakups in the sad year that I had since she said the words that ended up meaning “it’s over”. Breakups are TOTAL. That is why they are so hard to accept, why it’s so hard to let go. If you don’t accept the breakup you’re not in tune with reality. But reality doesn’t ask you. It’s a madness, like The Stranglers called it in their song “La Folie”. It’s crazy to think and cry about someone all the time, dedicating all that brain power to someone who, maybe on a good day, dedicates you two neurons. Why don’t you do something better with your time? It’s like dancing on a grave.

And here is the realness of “Ableben”. It’s not like somebody died. It’s an idea that died. It’s so abstract. No more good morning and night texts. No more emails that come in the right time in the middle of the day, filling you with love and hope. No more I love you’s, no more kisses and hugs. This all came to its bitter sad end at a certain moment.

I thought a lot about the moment in which love dies. I understand it’s a long process, stopping to love someone who you love dearly. You don’t stop loving in one second. But it feels like it’s some epiphany, some inner switch that you go to sleep loving Amir and you wake up not loving Amir anymore. And it’s so hard for me to fathom how you can stop loving someone you’ve shared so much with, that you were such close friends and lovers.

And it’s crazier that I lover her still, as I write these lines. Of course, not as strongly as I loved her last year, but I still love her. I’ll always love her, even if I don’t know who she is right now, she’s changed. I can feel closer to the woman in the grocery shop than her. And even though I am mad at her and understand that breakups exist and it’s part of life. I still can’t understand how you do that to someone who you call a friend. I stopped caring about the singing of the birds in the morning, and that’s the greatest loss.

And the memories, my my, the memories. They keep playing. It’s like self-torture. Some streets I won’t dare walk through in Tel-Aviv. The bench from August 2010 here we kissed on our first date. When something new was happening and nothing was ending. I still miss her and who she is and what we were. Our long hugs every time we met. And I regret my actions that led her to another’s arms. And still I bite my lips whenever I pass by that garden where we shared our first kiss and look at the empty bench and grass and try to understand that feeling that is so amorphic, knowing that something is dead and that something else, new, has begun, and that new thing is the most beautiful thing in the world but you’re not part of it, you’re dead in the water; for me the new thing died, and I continue staring at the “Game Over” screen.

[age-of-moonknight]

hi! hope you're doing well. i got a question for you about the what if with marc's funeral, if that's okay, and please let me know if i'm missing the mark or overstepping in any way. as a jewish guy, seeing a non-jewish funeral kinda felt bad to me. like marc was already buried, no one who loved him or knew him participated in the burial, and yes the heroes wore their gear instead of traditional mourning clothing, but putting a star of david on the tombstone felt like an afterthought. marlene's 'may your memory be a blessing' was nice, seeing gena and the kids and crawly was like yes those are his people! but overall idk the setup and eulogy wasn't working for me. tldr my question is, what's your take on marc's funeral?

Hey! Thanks for stopping by! I guess before I say anything I should preface this by mentioning that I’m honestly just some dude on the internet and I really shouldn’t be considered an authority on anything. I’ve just read an unfortunately large number of comics and while I do dedicate a lot of time to learning as much as I can about anything, I definitely shouldn’t be considered an expert on matters as richly complex and integral to people’s very identities as religion or culture. In other words, I definitely appreciate you starting this conversation, but I really can’t offer anything more than a personal opinion that everyone should just take with a grain of salt.

But!!! thank you for sending this message, because, yeah, I realize that sometimes I can get so swept up in any writer even acknowledging that Marc is Jewish that I forget that, “oh yeah, this could be better and we should be well past the age where we had to hope for even the barest crumbs of representation.”

Accordingly, I fully see where you’re coming from and you’re probably right in that there was more the writer could have done. Even as I write that though, I can already hear the long list of excuses that could be made by devil’s advocates about why Marc’s funeral in What If…? Dark: Moon Knight was presented as it was. Most probably could be pretty easily refuted by anyone that wants better from the comic industry, but, hey, that’s comics: they thrive on intense, impassioned reader discussion and can somehow be ahead of their time in terms of cultural sensitivity AND painfully slow in breaking out of some really poor ways of depicting cultures, races, and religions.

[Putting in a read more because this got a little long (sorry all, mea culpa)]

But yeah, some of those excuses I can imagine include, first among them, space limitations. The creators had one page to depict the funeral in the single issue allotted to telling Marlene’s story of becoming Luminary. People could easily say something offhand and questionable like, “oh yeah, Marc’s mom sat shiva, but it all happened off panel,” but that explanation always feels a little cheap to me, as I know for fact that comic artists can get very creative with how they format a page to include critical information, but, eh, there it is.

Some people in these situations sometimes bring up the point that authors that share a background with the characters they depict can approach matters with a good understanding of what’s appropriate/significant. I can see the validity of that approach, but from the (admittedly brief) research I did, I haven’t found any conclusive statements on the writer’s background at least and I personally would rather not make any assumptions/speculations. (Again, that’s strictly a personal thing, because in my line of work, I come across a lot of bad actors who, from their perspective, “““accuse””” people of being certain races or ethnic backgrounds and I am,,,,very tired). Plus, that’s not necessarily a cure all, at least that’s what I’ve gathered from the heated debates on Bemis’ Moon Knight run that I still stumble upon on occasion.

The next thing that comes to mind, well, I don’t want to sound like I’m entirely absolving the creators since, sure, they probably could have done more, but I’m so used to grappling with the bad hands comic books deal me, that sometimes I propose what I guess could be referred to as Watsonian interpretations??? Like, yeah, this was ultimately written like this because creators are flawed, but I cope by trying to puzzle out in-universe explanations. In this case, I see this as potentially being some sort of hazy, not quite well constructed, reflection of Marc’s complex relationship with his background that characterized his adult life. Elias Spector, who frequently represents Marc’s connection to his past and how he wrestles with really complex questions of religion and identity, is dead by this point of time in both of Marc’s established origins, and while I am sure the organizers of Marc’s funeral, like Marlene and Frenchie, fully and deeply loved him, I’m just not sure if Marc ever communicated to them what they should specifically do for his funeral (fully traditional or as small/nondescript as possible if he even thought he deserved/would get a funeral), as enigmatic and….not always forthcoming in discussing such matters Marc circa Marc Spector: Moon Knight was, so they did their best.

But gosh, even as I write that out, that’s such a load of copium. I’ll admit that my fondness for the comic book genre results in me desperately trying to hammer something worthwhile out of sometimes (or frequently????) mediocre material, so thanks again for sharing your thoughts! You are well and away within your rights to not be satisfied with how the matter was handled and I know I thoroughly appreciate your critical eye. Arguably, it is only by such a capacity for critique that the industry will ever shake off some of its worst aspects that still haunt it and evolve into something really consistently worthwhile.