#i’ve been trying to figure it out for years

[katchleeifyoucan]

there’s just something about ticklish men that makes me so fucking feral and i genuinely do not know what it is

[nakylvr]

MISSED YOU (FINAL)

daniela avanzini x fem!reader

summary: dealing with the repercussions of your actions, you try your absolute best to fix everything.

warnings/tags: hurt/comfort(?), happy ending (yay!), dealer!dani au, language

wc: 3,5 k

part 1 | part 2

you woke up to knocking on the door. lifting your head from the bed, you immediately felt your head pounding with a headache, making you groan quietly as you got up and left the bedroom. walking to the front door, you peer through the peephole and let out a sigh of relief to see manon.

you unlock and open the door, being met with the taller woman who was holding a convenience store bag in her hand. 

“did you sleep?” manon questions, taking notice of the dark bags under your eyes mixed with the tear stain marks on your cheeks.

“a little.” you shrug, opening the door wider and walking further inside. 

“better than nothing,” manon replies, walking in and shutting the door behind her. she follows you to the living room, setting the bag down on the coffee table as you sit on the couch and curl up into a ball in the corner. “here,” she rummages through the bag before pulling out two cans. “i didn't know if you'd want the redbull or the coffee, so.” she holds both of them in front of you. 

“thanks,” you mumble, taking the energy drink from her hand and opening it. 

a silence fills the apartment again, one that lasts a while before you finally manage to speak up. 

“i don't know how to fix this,” you say quietly, making manon look over at you. “i doubt she wants to see me right now, or ever again.” you look down at the drink in your hand, finger spinning around the rim of the can. “i should’ve listened to her, then none of this would've happened.” 

“it's okay,” manon says. “i mean, it's not, obviously, but it’ll be fine. you can't say that she probably doesn't want to see you, because we both know that she always wants to see you. whenever you're not around you are literally the only thing she talks about, and with what you told me about your last conversation, she probably thinks sophia forced you to do it – which she did, so i don't think she's mad at you exactly. if she is, i’d be surprised.” she pauses for a moment. “you have to just do it. get her out, and then you can talk it out. you can figure the rest out as you go.” 

“yeah,” you murmur, still looking at the can in your hands. 

“yn,” manon grabs one of your hands making you finally look at her. “i’ve known dani for years, she isn't going to be mad at you. when i say you are the only person she talks about, i mean literally you are the only person she cares about. i’ve seen her go through girls so fast that when she started talking about you i felt bad. i thought ‘well, there's another poor girl to add to her list’. but she said you were different. so i tried to believe her. now, i’m going to be honest with you here, okay? because i love and care about both of you very much, and i want you two to fix this, okay?” she stops, waiting for you to nod before continuing. “dani has said multiple times to multiple girls that they're different. so when she said it about you my first reaction was how you were going to get hurt. but things started changing, dani started changing. and that has never happened. you know dani is a pretty independent person, and what she does has her that way because of shit that's happened in the past, but to see her changing – changing for the better? i knew she was right about you.”

“not one other girl has even been able to remotely change one thing about dani,” manon continues. “she always kept them at a distance, she never let them get too close. and the day she told me she took you with her to one of the deals? something that she never let anyone do? i knew she seriously loved you. when she said that you insisted on going with her, she told me that she hesitated. but not for the same reason it usually was. she wanted to protect you. she always wants to protect you, yn. but she lets you come with. she trusts you with the money. she trusts you with certain clients. she trusts you. she loves you. no one else. i don't know why she did what she did, but i know she regrets it. you are the best thing that's ever happened to her, and i don't want this to fuck it up for you two. i can't tell you what to do, but i will support whatever decision you make, okay?” 

listening to everything manon said, you slowly nod your head while taking in all of it. tears pricked at the corners of your eyes and you could feel them threatening to spill, with your bottom lip tucked between your teeth to keep it from trembling. “i ju-st want to fix this,” your voice cracks as you speak. “i love her so much.”

“i know you do,” manon is quick to reply, scooting closer to you and wrapping her arms around your shaking frame. “and i know she loves you just as much. you just have to tell her. you have to talk this out, and you have to tell her about what happened last night.” 

you physically tense up at her last words, the memories of the night before flooding your mind as you put your hands into fists to keep them from shaking so much. “i can't– she’ll really hate me then,” you reply, shaking your head. 

“you have to, yn,” manon tells you. “i know you don't want to, but you have to.” 

a few tears fall from your eyes, but you slowly nod your head, knowing it was the truth. it could make matters worse or it could improve them, but you had no idea how to even go about it. “can you– can you come with me to the sheriff's station? i already have the bail money in a bag, i-i just don't want to go alone right now,” you speak quietly, more tears trailing down your cheeks. 

“of course,” manon replies with a nod. “has sophia tried reaching you?” 

“there was texts and calls for the first couple of hours, but i think she gave up,” you answer with a shrug. “i read a few of them…” your voice goes quiet again.

“bad?” manon questions, judging by the tone in your voice when you said it.

“yeah.” you nod. 

“ignore them,” manon tells you sternly. “you don't need to be seeing her lash out on you because of something terrible she did. you didn't do anything wrong, okay? you don't deserve any of what's happened to you in these months, and it's not your fault for going to the person you thought would keep you safe. but this means you have to fix things with dani. if all else fails, then you can stay with me for some time, okay? you’ll always have a place to stay with me.” she rubs your back reassuringly.

“okay,” you mumble, nodding again. “thank you again, i owe you for this.”

“no you don't.” manon shakes her head. “you're one of my best friends, i’d do anything to make sure you're okay.” she then pulls away from you, grabbing the can from you and setting it on the coffee table. “when does the sheriff's station open?”

“nine, i think,” you answer. 

“we’ll go right when it opens, then,” she says. “get it done as fast as possible so that she doesn't have to stay in there too long. then you can talk things out. i’m sure you'll already be on her good side just by bailing her out after what you said when she was arrested, so you have a good starting point. get her something to eat, get some drinks, and talk it out here in the home you two have made. it’ll all be okay. i promise.” 

“okay.” 

…

one week later you were standing outside the jail, biting your nails with your foot tapping on the ground anxiously. thankfully, you had enough to cover the bail and have a little leftover, which was a relief knowing it didn’t take everything in the safe. you had yet to even speak to daniela, despite manon telling you to at least try and see if she would talk to you. you didn’t want to hear yelling over the phone, you’d rather hear it in person where you could explain everything easier than if you were arguing over the phone line that would cut after five minutes. manon told you over and over again that she wouldn’t be mad at you, but the nervous feeling was still rooted deep inside you as you heard the loud buzzing and the gate slowly opening. 

looking up from the ground, you spot daniela walking with her bag of things. her eyes subtly widen a bit from what you can see, since they didn’t exactly tell her who bailed her out, just that she was able to leave. 

she slowly steps over to you, stopping in front of you and looking at you without saying anything. 

“hey,” you say quietly. “i’m really sor–”

you’re cut off from your apology by daniela kissing you. your eyes go wide for a second, but when her arms wrap around your waist you find yourself melting into the kiss, practically feeling all the emotions she was pouring out into it. 

when she pulls away, you’re both a little breathless, quiet panting coming from you two. 

“do you wanna get something to eat and head home?” you ask softly. “i’d rather talk at home.” 

“yeah, we’ll talk at home,” daniela responds in the same voice.

“okay.” you nod. 

…

by the time you two arrived at the apartment, it was already leading into the evening, the sunset coming down just as you opened the door and walked inside with bags of food and drinks in your hands. 

walking behind you into the apartment, the first thing dani notices is how clean it is. she figured it’d be destroyed when they came to get her, only feeling worse when she realized it had to have been you that cleaned up the place. she follows you silently, setting the food down on the dining room table and going to sit on the couch next to you. 

there’s a silence that fills the room. one that was far from comfortable. both of you sitting there not knowing what to say first, or to say anything at all. until you speak. 

“i’m really sorry,” your voice is barely able to be heard as you fiddle with your hands. “i-i didn’t think– i didn’t mean for it to go down that way, i-”

“don’t apologize,” daniela cuts you off, shaking her head. “there’s no reason for you to be apologizing. i deserved it.” she goes quiet for a moment before continuing. “i’m really, really sorry. i shouldn’t have done what i did, and i know i fucked up. i’m not sure why i did it, but i regret it so much. i don’t know why you bailed me out, i thought the last time was really going to be the last time. but…i’m glad you did. i just want to talk it out.” 

“i know, and that’s why i bailed you out,” you start. “listen, dani. i went to sophia to figure out what to do, and…it wasn’t a smart idea. i know you two already don’t like each other, but this could really make things worse for everyone. i– she convinced me to call the police even though i didn’t want to. i felt so bad once i saw how upset you were. i knew you knew you fucked up and was trying to do anything to make me stay a-and i ignored it. i-i thought it would make things easier but it made everything so m-much worse. everything just t-turned into a shit show a-and i didn’t know what to d-do.” you began stuttering over your words as a few tears fell from your eyes. 

“hey, hey, it’s okay.” daniela is quick to wrap her arms around you and pull your head against her chest. “it’s okay, okay? i’m not mad at you for what you did. i deserved it. so please don’t beat yourself up over what you did, baby. i’m not upset at you.” she presses a gentle kiss on your head. 

“there-there’s something else i h-have to tell you,” you manage to get out, your anxiety growing and your breathing getting heavier. “please don’t get mad when i tell you th-this.” 

“nothing will make me mad, i promise,” dani responds. “what happened?”

clutching onto her shirt, your face is still pressing against her chest as you try to find the words to explain it. “i-i went to sophia’s after. y-you know she’s always had feelings f-for me, so i-i…i fucked up, dani.” you start fully sobbing into her chest at this point, which has her arms tightening around you both from you crying and what she was thinking you were going to say next. “i-i let her have her w-way with m-me b-b-but i hated it. it was t-terrible. sh-she didn’t care that i w-was uncomfortable, she di-didn’t stop even when i w-was crying. all i c-could think about was how y-you would never do that. i-it didn’t feel the same. sh-she didn’t care, she continued a-and i felt so bad after th-that i left immediately. i’m so sorry.” 

once you finished your words through sobs, daniela pulled you closer to her onto her lap, her arms tight around you as you cried. there were hundreds of thoughts running through her head, but they were far from being mad at you. she wasn’t mad at you. she was livid at sophia. “it’s okay,” she tells you over and over. “i’m not mad at you, i swear. i’m not mad.” hearing your cries continue made daniela wonder just how much sophia put you through when she wasn’t around, and thinking it made her jaw clench, anger bubbling inside of her. “baby, look at me,” she says softly. 

you slowly lift your head to look down at her, your eyes red and puffy with a few sniffles coming from you now and then. 

“i’m not upset, okay?” she says, running her hand through your hair. “i understand, i do. which is why i’m not angry at you. i’m angry at sophia, okay? she should’ve known better than to try and do that, let alone continue when you were crying. you haven’t seen her since, have you?”

you immediately shake your head quickly. “no, no, i haven’t. she tried texting and calling but i just ignored them.” 

“good.” daniela nods. “that means it’ll be a fun surprise for her when i show up at her front door.” 

the way she says that has your eyebrows furrowed together. “what do you mean?”

“don’t worry about it, mi amor,” she says, pecking your lips. “let’s just say she won’t be a problem anymore.” 

“as long as you don’t get arrested again, you can do what you want,” you tell her, hooking your arms around her neck. 

“i won’t, i promise.” she smiles at you. “are we okay?” she asks after a moment. 

it takes a minute for you to respond, but you nod your head in the end. “yeah, we’re okay.” 

“i love you,” daniela says, looking you in the eye. 

“i love you too,” you reply, leaning in and kissing her. 

…

it was late into the night when daniela got up. but not for the same reason it had been the past few months. was she going to see someone? technically. was it sophia? yes. was she going to beat the living shit out of her? probably. 

the latina carefully got out of the bed, unwrapping your arms around her and looking at the time on the digital clock. late enough. you shift around feeling her presence leave the bed, and you open your eyes to see her putting on a hoodie and her shoes. 

“where are you going?” you mumble tiredly. 

dani turns when she hears your voice, leaning down and pushing some of your hair out of your face. “i’m heading to sophia’s with manon and minji. don’t worry, i’ll text you once i’m there and when i’m on my way back.” she presses a soft kiss on your forehead. “i’ll bring you back something to eat if you’re awake when i’m leaving.” 

you nod your head, murmuring out a quiet “okay”. this is what you missed. if you were too tired to go out to deals with her, she would always say this. that she’d text you when she was there, and that she would text you when she was leaving that everything was okay, even then she would send more messages than necessary. but, you didn’t mind it. she knew you often got worried when it came to certain clients, and she always reassured you when she would go alone. it hadn’t been like this in months. for the past few months you’ve woken up to her already gone, not bothering to tell you where she was going. for the first time through this hell that’s been these last few months, it was starting to feel normal again. 

“be safe, please,” you say quietly. 

“always,” she replies, kissing your head again. 

walking out of the apartment, manon and minji were already waiting outside in front of minji’s car. the two turn when they hear footsteps coming towards them to see daniela walking towards them. 

“is it bad to say i’m surprised you showed?” daniela says, stopping in front of the car. 

“not really,” manon shakes her head. 

“thanks, anyways then,” daniela looks between the two. “are you both sure you want to do this?” 

“obviously,” manon says. 

“i’ve never liked her anyways,” minji adds, crossing her arms over her chest. 

“alright,” daniela nods. “let’s go then.” 

…

it was three in the morning when you heard the front door open. you were partially awake after daniela told you where she was going, glancing at your phone occasionally when it would light up. it had been thirty minutes since dani told you she was on her way back. just when you were getting worried you heard the creaking of the front door opening, and the jingling of keys. you sit up on the bed a little bit when daniela walks into the bedroom with a bag of food and drinks in her hands. 

“hey.” she smiles at you. “i got you some food and a milkshake from sonic. i’m sure you’re tired of it by now but it’s like, the only place open at this hour.”

“i don’t mind.” you shake your head. “thank you.” 

“it’s no problem,” she says, sitting down next to you on the bed. “here.” she hands you one of the drinks and takes the food out. 

sitting in silence while eating, you had a warm feeling radiating through your body. the type you hadn’t felt in months while everything was going on. the silence wasn’t awkward, it wasn’t tense. it was comfortable. it was normal, like it used to be. 

“i really missed this,” you say randomly in a quiet voice. “i missed you.” 

daniela looks over at you when you speak, seeing the small smile on your face that subconsciously makes a smile grow on her own face. “i missed this– i missed you, too,” she replies in the same voice. 

when you look over at her, you can barely make out her face with the lamp on your nightstand, but staring into her eyes, you know she’s genuine about it. “promise me we won’t do this again,” you tell her. 

“i promise,” she replies in a heartbeat. “you know why?” 

“why?” you encourage her, curious as to what she’ll say. 

“because i’m gonna marry you one day.” 

your breath hitches in your throat at her words. in the two years you’ve been together, she’s never mentioned anything of the sorts revolving marriage or that kind of commitment. and after what manon told you, you weren’t sure she would ever even consider the thought. to say you were surprised would be an understatement. 

“really?” your voice comes out in a whisper, as if you were doubting her words. 

“really.” daniela nods. “i don’t want to be with anyone except you. i don’t want you to be with anyone except me. i know i fucked up right now, but i swear in the future i’ll give you the newlywed life you want. i swear.” 

tears build in your eyes without your knowledge, so focused on her words that you didn’t even notice a few falling until dani’s hand reaches towards you and wipes them away with her thumb, her hand cupping your face. “you can’t go back on me now, y’know,” you say in a hushed voice. “you better stay.” 

“i will,” she responds. “i will, i promise. i don’t want anyone else. i just want you.” 

“then you’ll show me?” you say, your voice changing into a tone daniela was far too familiar with.

“oh, i’ll show you.” she leans in and kisses you. 

[ghostgirl-22]

Tashi and/or Art’s physiotherapist walking in (Art’s room, a locker room, gym, whatever) to find Art and Patrick in just their underwear scrambling to get dressed after having sex.

Yes I could see it anon! Post challenger.

Tashi insists Art and Patrick go out to get a drink or something and try to reconnect since they haven’t really talked to each other in over a decade. Art goes because deep down he misses Patrick but he’s still reserved thinking they’re just gonna talk for an hour.

By hour four they’re drunk and giggling like they’re in high school again. And at 1am when the place is closing they’re still reminiscing so Patrick invites Art back to his place.

Art pings his location to Tashi with a note that he’ll be home soon, but they’re still catching up. They end up hanging out on Patrick’s motel bed. Watching an old movie on cable. Splitting a beer. And before Art realizes what’s happening he’s kissing Patrick. He pulls back shyly. Saying sorry. And Patrick just smiles and climbs on top of him. Then they’re kissing more. Touching all over. Art losing all sense of self in the pursuit of pleasure. Shaky fingers covered in lube. Fucking into Patrick because he needs it. He doesn’t even know how many times they do it. Just knows he’s waking up hungover, butt naked and pleasantly sore in Patrick’s bed to the sound of knocking. He rolls over but Patrick’s not in bed.

“I’m coming,” He stumbles, sleepy to the door. Only his boxers on, scratching his head he pulls it open. “Hey,” he says.

“Is uh… is Art here?”

Shit. It’s his physiotherapist. Tashi must have sent him over when he didn’t show up to his post game session this morning. Patrick pulls open the door and his physio Steve walks in.

It’s at this moment that Art kinda wishes Patrick had a little more shame. He sits up in bed quickly, embarrassment heating his skin as he searches for his clothes which are all over the bed and floor.

“Uh sorry man… um…” Art says, quickly trying to get into his briefs. Steve’s eyes widen when he sees him. He looks for maybe a bit too long before turning to look at the wall.

“No uh… no it’s um… Tashi said you were probably here so I figured I’d bring breakfast.” He holds up one of the shakes Art usually swallows down for breakfast. It was their usual habit to hangout after his post game sessions. Art sees his college buddies four times a year at most and he hasn’t really kept in touch with anyone from high school. Sadly Steve is probably his most consistent guy friend as an adult and he happens to be on the payroll.

“That’s uh… really thoughtful man I appreciate it,” Art says, glaring at Patrick who looks quite amused by all of it. “I completely forgot about our session.”

“I uh— I see. Um…” Steve lingers, he looks at Patrick and then chances another glance in Art’s direction. He’s stepping into his jeans. Or maybe they’re Patrick’s jeans. Fuck.

Patrick rests his elbow against the doorframe, one hand on his hip.“No way you were actually going to train after yesterday?” He asks, yawning.

“No this is my good friend and physiotherapist, Steve.” Art says, sheepish. “I’ve been seeing him nearly everyday since my injury.”

“Hey man, I’ve uh— I’ve heard a lot about you,” Steve says, smiling awkwardly at Patrick, his eyes trailing swiftly up and down his body.

“I bet,” Patrick smirks.

“That’s uh—Patrick and I— we’ve never— I’ve never done anything like this before,” Art says quickly and reassuringly to Steve. In case he’s thinking of bailing now. The way Steve stretches him out so well has led him to walk away with the occasional awkward boner. He’s not into Steve. At least he doesn't think he is.

Steve would always dismiss it saying it happened all the time… and that made Art feel a little less embarrassed about it. But now seeing Art like this Steve’s probably going to rethink the cause of those boners.

“No I mean… it’s no big deal. You know I’m gay so it’s nothing I’m not used to. And since you’re bisexual I figured you had to be—“ Steve starts.

“Huh?” Art interrupts, he’s given up and just decided to wear Patrick’s jeans, he’s buttoning them but they’re still sitting loose on his waist, exposing the thick strap of his briefs.

“It’s no big deal, honest, I’m not calling HR,” Steve says, smiling.

“No the other part,” Art says. “Did you say— did you say you were— that you think I’m—“

Steve laughs. “Is this a joke?”

“Uh I don’t know. I mean… I’m not…” Art begins and then he glances at Patrick, who continues to look endlessly amused.

“We flirt all the time.” Steve says. “You get hard every time I’m stretching you out. You know I love Beyoncé as much as Tashi does. You saw grindr on my phone when I accidentally left it open…”

“Beyoncé is a talented artist.” Is all Art can manage and Patrick laughs. Art tosses a balled up sock at him. He vaguely remembers seeing naked men on Steve’s phone but he’d figured it was some kind of anatomy thing. He’s a physio after all.

“You said the boner thing happens to people all the time…” Art says.

“Yeah it does… with my clients that are into men.”

Art feels his skin heating even more. “We—we don’t flirt,” Art stammers.

Steve laughs this time. “Sure…”

Patrick settles back on the bed. “This is hilarious actually. I like you Steve. Maybe we should all go out and eat real food. And I can tell you about all the times he didn’t flirt with me.”

“I’d definitely be interested,” Steve smiles. Traitor.

And here Art was thinking he drank too much and made a mistake but the whole time Steve thought he was bisexual. God. Maybe he’s bisexual?

“I know you think it’s funny but can you please not mention this to Tashi? God forbid, she finds out from either of you before I can explain myself.”

Steve chokes out another laugh and then covers his mouth. Art frowns at him. “What?”

“I’m sorry… I thought that was another joke. You know, she’s the one who told me you were bi. She said if we hooked up she’d be good with it so I um—I think she knows.”

Art rubs his palms on his thighs refusing to take one more glance at Patrick’s ever widening shit eating grin.

“Oh.”

[just-wrting]

Think I Like You

Title: Think I Like You

Pairing: Roronoa Zoro x Half Mink!Reader

Word Count: 4.1k

Master List

Summary: You try to figure out why Zoro won’t take you seriously even if the answer isn’t what you expect.

A/N: I’m not dead! I’m just all over the place with a lot of stuff. I sleep a lot which I can’t tell if it’s a sleep issue or a depression issue, but I’m always tired. I still work full time but also do school part time now. Plus I’ve still got a boyfriend! But he wanted to end this weekend on 1062 which means Zoro brainrot for me.

You stretch and roll over, burying your face into your pillow. Ever since you changed where you nap, you've started sleeping so much better. Something about being more comfortable or something like that. The actual reason doesn't really matter. You're just happy you're sleeping better.

"You owe me for this."

"I don't owe you shit. Not my fault you nap in my spot." You reach up and pat his cheek. "What do I need to do for you to be quiet?"

"I already told you, you owe me."

You open your eyes just a little. "What could I possibly owe you? I don't like to drink, I don't keep money, not to mention I can't even tell if you're the type of man to be swayed by physical charms. What could I possibly offer you, Roronoa?"

"For starters, you can start referring to me by my name like everyone else does." He looks pissed. "You should fight me."

"You didn't take me seriously last time, Moss Head. Why would I bother trying again?"

He pulls on your ear. "I said like everyone else, not like how that idiot says my name."

You ignore him and bury your nose in his stomach. Dinner has been started, and if you don't ignore it you'll end up going to the kitchen early. It's less that Sanji minds seeing you, it's more of the fact that you struggle to suppress the urge to knock shit off the counter and dip your fingers in the sauces. Such is the life of someone like you.

You let yourself doze a little. You can still hear what's going on, but just like every common house cat, you ignore it. What you can't ignore is the gentle scratching behind your ears. As far as you remember, no one has done this since you were a kid. You don't hate the feeling, but you start to feel flustered over it. Ever since you left home, you've made sure affection comes at your own terms so you haven't had this in years.

There's no point in asking him to stop. You're clearly fond enough of him to nap on him, what's the big deal about getting ear scratches? Besides, he's the type to get embarrassed and loud if you point out you're awake. That's not something you feel like dealing with right now. You're too touch starved to complain.

Despite the comfortable conditions, you don't actually fall asleep. You spend the next forty-ish minutes pretending to sleep, waiting for dinner to be done. The time passes by relatively quickly, though you're sore afterwards. You couldn't bring yourself to even twitch, worried that he'd stop.

The dinner call goes off, and you pretend to wake up. You have no clue why you're acting, but it was too late to stop twenty minutes ago. Standing up, you stretch halfheartedly. At first, he doesn't say anything. It's only once he catches up to you that he starts asking questions.

"What's the deal with the noise you make?"

Raising an eyebrow, you look at him. "I don't snore, so I have no idea what you're talking about."

"I'm not stupid, I can tell you aren't snoring. The other noise, the one that's relaxing. I can usually feel it when you're laying directly on me."

"What do you mean? The other noise?" You pause to think it over before it clicks. "We aren't talking about that."

You know what he's referring to. It's not like it's something you can control, but it's still embarrassing. Of all people to be you around, it's been Zoro. No one on the crew has judged you for being what you are, it's just embarrassing to be a mix. Your mother's human, and your dad's a mink. You look decently human, just with a few quirks.

"What do you mean, we aren't talking about it? We're talking about it right now."

Your face starts to heat up. "I mean I don't want to tell you."

His eyes narrow in suspicion. "Why not? Is it supposed to be embarrassing or something?"

"If I say yes, will you drop it?"

"Yeah, sure."

His face instantly relaxes. If you could smack him, you would. The last time you tried, it hurt. So you put your hand on his shoulder and give him a push. The only thing it does is cause his other shoulder to hit the doorframe, but you use it to march past him.

You take your seat, leaning back against the armrest of the booth seat. Kicking your feet up on the space next to you, you watch the crew carefully. Everyone is smiling and in a good mood, so you don't have anything to worry about. You don't ever admit it, but you care about them even if it's difficult to show.

Zoro picks up your legs and lays them in his lap. Since it doesn't seem to bother him, you're tempted to just sit normally. You have no idea what's going on in that head of his, and you doubt he does either. However, you actually do enjoy touching him, so you'll stay like this for now.

There's more commotion as Sanji brings out the plates. The one you're most interested in is a large tuna fillet that gets set in the middle of the table. You can't stop staring at it, the tender flesh a beautiful golden color. It's hard to tell if it smells better than it looks or looks better than it smells. Sanji has never failed to impress you with his dishes, so you can't wait to sink your teeth in.

Before you can even start to load your plate, Sanji sets a small plate in front it you. It contains a disk of packed rice, some avocado slices, and chunks of fish. You're assuming it's more of the tuna. Whatever it is, it was made specifically for you.

You don't mind the special dishes. You'll try almost everything, and unlike Luffy, you'll eat it slow enough to give a review. Everything tastes good so you don't get the point, but it probably makes Sanji feel better to have honest reviews and not just someone who loves food fawning over his cooking. Though if you're not careful, you worry that he'll start having write an essay about it.

"And for you, a special tune tartare! If you like it, I'll make it again for everyone some time."

You nod. "Yeah, I'll let you know. I always do. Not that you've ever made a bad dish."

You can't stop the tip of your tail from flicking back and forth in mild annoyance. By the time you get halfway through the tartare, all of the fillet is gone. It's not like it's the biggest deal, you just wish you could've had some of that too. It's not fair that since you got a special tuna dish, that you don't get the other one.

"If you tell me what that noise was, I'll share," Zoro teases while pointing at you with a bite of tuna. "I bet you can't resist answering now."

"I'm a cat. I was making a normal noise that cats make. Consider it a compliment."

You lean forward and take the bite of tuna. It's flakey and melts on your tongue with a slightly sticky glaze that has hints of honey and garlic. You lick your lips savoring the balance of flavors. None of them are overwhelming, but it's hard to gauge in just one bite what you think about it.

"You can't just," Zoro stutters. "You can't just take the food off of my chopsticks. Get your own!"

You grab his wrist and lick the glaze off of the chopsticks. It feels like there's another flavor there that you can't quite tell what it is. It's some sort of herby flavor, that while you enjoy, you can't pin down.

"Here!" Zoro doesn't look at you as he shoves his plate towards you. "Just take it since I don't want your germs."

You want to tease him, but you'll leave him alone. It's better to leave it in front of other people since Robin's insinuations are becoming too much. For now you'll just eat the food. Later, you'll tease him.

—-

"You're still not taking me seriously, Roronoa. Why did you want to fight if you won't take me seriously?"

You lunge, hand reaching for his throat. He blocks it with his arm, causing your claws to dig into his skin. Using his arm as leverage, you pull yourself closer to him, swinging your sword at his side. His parry is effortless, and he looks bored. It's so aggravating that he won't take you seriously in a simple sparring match. Perhaps he'd take you more seriously if you actually tried to kill him.

You disengage before leaping over him. This time, you swing your sword at his neck as he turn around. It's once more blocked, and he smirks. You're just barely faster than him as he takes a halfhearted swing at your sword arm with his other arm. You catch the flat of the blade with your knuckles, steeling your arm against the shock wave of the blow.

Kicking your leg out in front of you, you aim for his knees, intending to bring him down. Despite the grip on his sword, he catches your ankle in his hand and pulls your leg to the side. You let your body pivot with the movement, twisting until your leg is behind you. You yank your foot forward as hard as you can, pulling him into your back.

He's quick to let your ankle go and grab your shoulder to steady himself. In a fluid motion, you swing your arm and grab your dagger. You flick it in your fingers and thrust towards his ribs. His hand trails down your arm to your wrist and pins it behind your back. He gives it a squeeze trying to get you to drop the dagger.

"Are you actually trying to kill him?" Nami tells from the side. "Are you stupid?"

You roll your eyes, sweeping your leg behind you and hooking Zoro's. Despite your efforts, you can't get him off balance, only causing him to take a step back. By now you're getting pissed off. You aren't a bad swordsman, it's just that this jerk is ridiculously smart in battle. This is probably the only time he'll use his brain all day.

You jerk your head back, hitting his jaw. The sound of the impact makes you regret it, knowing you'll feel like shit later. You manage to free yourself as he loosens his grip, and you elbow him as you twist back around. The only reason you're still going is because he won't take it seriously. It's like he finds it funny that he's able to fend you off so easily.

You rush towards him, tossing your weapons to the ground. Digging your claws into his shoulders, you use your momentum to knock him over. It only works because he's too busy rubbing his jaw to notice you in time. The two of you tumble to the deck, and you lean in as close as you can.

"Why won't you take me seriously? Is this just a game?"

Faster than you can blink, he's able to flip and pin you under him. He's even more smug than the last time you sparred, and you can't tell if you want to smack him or if you should kiss him. Not that you could smack him, he's got your hands above your head. While kissing him would let you win, you're not willing to fight that dirty in a friendly match.

"You're a brute, Zoro. You can't just manhandle the other crewmates just because you feel like it." Sanji pulls him off you. "If you were in the mood to fight I would've taken the offer."

You tune out their fight as Chopper checks your head and shoulder. You're a bit sore now, but you'll be fine in a few hours. Nothing keeps you down for long, even if it's usually just you going against the doctor's orders. The only thing actually bothering you is the fact that for a moment you thought he was going to answer your question. Though the fact you thought about kissing him is also an issue.

It's not difficult to figure out why you thought that way. Your parents made sure that you knew to find someone strong enough to protect you in case of something happening, even if you knew how to take care of yourself. That, and he's easy on the eyes. Even if he's an idiot half of the time, that doesn't matter. Your parents never said to find a smart man, just a strong one. Everything else was your choice.

Chopper hands you a damp towel, and you use to clean under your claws. Tiny spots of blood rest under them, probably from when you grabbed Zoro. If the pinprick wounds bothered him, he doesn't show it. He's too busy trying to shove Sanji off the boat. As long as you stay dry, it doesn't matter if they end up overboard. They can both swim.

After a few minutes, Nami separates them. You watch her glare at the men before you stalk off to take another nap. The sun is just starting to dip below the water, so finding a nice patch of sun to lick your figurative wounds isn't possible. You'll have to settle for sulking in some weird spot. Perhaps it's time to torment the fish in the tank once more.

Lounging on the sofa is probably the second best place to nap. The sound of the tank constantly humming while you watch the fish swim in tempting circles puts you at ease. You stretch out fully, let your arm and tail hang off the edge. The tip of your tails twitches slightly as you trace the movement of a particularly large bass. That should be tomorrow's lunch, perhaps in a stew. Even though it hasn't been long since you had food, your mouth starts to water at the idea of seafood stew.

"He really doesn't take you seriously, does he?"

You recognize Robin before she even speaks. Her stride is longer than Nami's with her steps being lighter than everyone else's. Not to mention she smells floral. It's never overpowering, but it allows you to pick her out from the crew.

"I guess not. Maybe I should've gone for his other eye."

She laughs, sitting down next to you. You aren't opposed to the company, especially if it's Robin. There something about her that puts you at ease.

"I don't think he'd like that," she muses. "What did he say to you?"

You scoff. "He didn't say anything. Bet he's too proud to take me seriously, like the jerk he is."

Robin smiles knowingly. "I'm sure he has his reasons. Maybe you should talk to him, just the two of you. I'm sure he'd tell you when no one else is around."

You frown. "What is he? A shy school boy? There's only one reason for not taking me seriously in a fight, and it would be him not thinking I'm even worth it. No point in having him tell me that in private, he can just keep it to himself."

She reaches out her hand, gently brushing your hair from your eyes. "Then what do you think about him?"

"I think he's an idiot who swapped out his brain for more muscles."

"Let me rephrase that. What feelings do you have about him?" There's a mischievous twinkle in her eyes. "At least figure that out."

You shift so you can place your head in her lap. "I guess he's fine most of the time. I don't know why I enjoy his company, I just do. He's never really pushed me on anything, just sort of letting me do my own thing. Not to mention he's comfortable. As much as I hate admitting it, I suppose I like being around him."

She continues to brush your hair with her fingers silently. It's one of those tactics of hers. She'll stay quiet until you keep talking.

"What do you want me to say? He's nice enough to me, I can respect him as vice-captain, and he's decent looking. Everything else I think about him is my little secret." You're starting to get irritated talking about him. "Actually, I think I'll go talk to him now. I'll drag that answer out of him if I have to."

Robin looks at you with worry as you sit up. "Perhaps this is just a misunderstanding. What are you going to do if his answer isn't what you expect?"

"I'll deal with it when it happens," you say with a shrug. "It's not like it'll be anything surprising."

You take your time wandering around the ship. It's not hard to tell where he is, you'd rather put it off for a little bit longer. This weird feeling in your chest has been bothering you a lot lately. It can't be ignored anymore, but that doesn't mean you're one hundred percent ready to admit it.

Thankfully, he's exactly where you knew he was. You won't tell him that you enjoy finding him when he's working out. Something about him being shirtless is nice. Not that he usually bothers with wearing a shirt, so you can usually just stare whenever you want. Maybe he just likes the attention, and you'll gladly give it to him.

As soon as he leans back on the bench, you sit on his lap and stretch out over his torso. You rest your chin on your hand, pressing your palm on his chest. Watching as he sets the barbell back on the stand, you wait for him to start talking. It would be fine with you if he kept working out, but he seems opposed to the idea.

"Is bothering me amusing to you?"

You tilt your head slightly. "You're not cute when you're mad, so no. I was just hoping we could talk."

"You don't have to sit on me to talk."

"That's just personal preference. Besides, you tend to avoid talking about certain things and this keeps you from leaving." you say with a Cheshire grin. "I enjoy your touch, so this is ideal for me."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Zoro looks away from you. “You keep saying weird stuff.”

You don’t even blink as you respond, “I enjoy your touch. That’s what that means. I’ll even be nice and tell you the answer to your question from earlier. As a cat, I sometimes purr when I feel comfortable and content. Though some cats purr when scared.”

“So you’re scared of me? Is that what that means?”

“No. The only thing particularly scary about you is the fact that you’re an idiot.” Your ears twitch. “But since I answered your questions, you can answer mine. Why don’t you fight me seriously?”

He looks at you for just a moment, before looking at the ceiling. It’s like he’s embarrassed by the answer and is hoping you’ll forget about it. However, you’ve already made up your mind about what you want. You’re just waiting to see what he’ll do.

“I-,” Zoro cuts himself off to hide behind his hand. “I could hurt you really bad. That would be bad.”

Your tail swishes on the ground in mild irritation. “So you think I’m incapable of defending myself. That would explain the times you’ve interrupted my fights.”

“It’s not that!” He sits up, wrapping an arm around your waist to make sure you don’t tumble to the ground. “I don’t want you to get hurt if I’m around. It’s my job to make sure you’re safe.”

You’re nose to nose with him now. Even at this distance, he can’t seem to make eye contact. You can smell the liquor from dinner on his breath. It would be so easy to close the gap and kiss him, but for some reason the thought makes you nervous. You’re usually close to him, so why is this time different?

“Why should you keep me safe?” you mumble. “Do you save me out of obligation for the crew? If so, aren’t there better people on the crew to swoop in and save?”

“Does it matter why?” The way that his lips almost touch yours as he speaks makes you flustered.

You close your eyes. “Yes. I don’t want to get my hopes up if you think of me as nothing more than a burden of a crew-mate. Just be honest with me for once, Zoro.”

You don’t regret the soft begging tone as you say his name. You regret not saying his name in that almost pathetic tone sooner. The way that he kisses you makes your head spin. Even though he’s holding you close, you have to wrap your arms around his neck to make yourself feel more steady.

Zoro kisses you like he’s been wanting to for months. His hold on your waist makes it impossible to move, and the way that his hand grips yours hair makes you moan. You can barely breathe as his tongue explores your mouth, your grip on reality slipping as his fingers dig into thigh.

Even when he pulls away to let you breathe, you find yourself lost in the way he touches you. Sloppy kisses trail down your jaw and neck, coming to an end with his teeth on your collarbone. The way that his fingernails scrape gently against your scalp as he tugs lightly on your hair causes you to expose more of your chest to him as you lean into his palm.

You’ve never felt like this before. Hot, heavy, and breathless all while being lightheaded. You wouldn’t have it in you to resist him if he wanted more. In fact, the pathetic words of begging him to ravish you weigh heavy on your tongue. Yet he just continues to press kisses along every inch of skin exposed to him, ignoring how hard you’re panting as little moans escape you. He’s oblivious to everything but the act of kissing you.

Zoro only pauses after you tug his hair harshly. You didn’t mean to, you couldn’t help the reaction to him biting down on the side of your neck. You couldn’t even help the strangled groan that leaves you as he leaves a mark. For some reason, your body is shaking like you have some sort of withdrawal.

“You okay?” he asks, his voice rough and low.

You kiss him again, desperate to get as close as you can. Desperation courses through your body as you realize just how badly you’ve waited for this. You’ve spent months being almost attached to him so it makes sense, you just can’t figure out how you missed it. The long nights spent curled up in his lap, face buried in his neck has left you craving him so much.

You whine as he pulls away, unwilling to let this stop. It doesn’t even matter anymore how prideful you’ve been up until this. It’s so obvious how much you want him. Nothing could hide it anymore.

“Zoro.” You don’t even open your eyes. “Please.”

He gives your thigh a tight squeeze as you whimper. You can tell that what little restraint he has is fading with each whine of his name. Yet he’s able to pause and hold you close, breathing heavily into your ear. Eventually, he covers your mouth with his hand, stifling your words.

“Not like this,” Zoro says, his tone meaning he’s serious. “If you really want it, I want to make it special.”

“S-special?” You don’t know what that means. When was the last time someone told you that you were special? “How?”

“Just better than in the exercise room on the Sunny. You deserve to be treated better than that.”

You nod, and he lets his grip loosen. Despite the fact that nothing much happened, you feel drained. Maybe it’s because you really enjoy naps, but the exhaustion is hitting you hard. You don’t hide it, letting yourself go limp as Zoro picks you up.

“You can sleep in my bunk tonight. Not that it matters if I say you can as you usually show up anyway.”

You caress him jaw before giving his cheek a kiss. “Thank you, Zoro.”

The flush on his cheeks goes unnoticed by all beside you. Not that it matters, you don’t want to hide your feelings for him any longer. If he agrees to it, you’ll parade your feelings for the world to see.

[365emotionlessfaces]

The Aspiring Teachers Program

Part 5 WC:~1.4k

When you had first started at Willard R. Abbott Elementary, you did not make friends quickly. The only person that seemed to like you during your first few months was Janine Teagues. She was the only one who appreciated the pep in your step and the smile on your face. Your cheeriness seemed to irk pretty much all of the older teachers, the janitor, and the principal. Miss Schemmenti didn’t even learn your name for the first few months. Then when she did learn your name, she told you that she’s hated your name for years and you’d have to change it. She then refused to interact with you for two weeks before Barbara dragged her into your classroom one afternoon, the redhead looking like a kid in the principal’s office.

After that day, you had been welcomed to join their lunch table, by Barb and Barb only, Melissa had made sure to let you know. It only took a month of lunches together before she started to soften up to you. Now, two years later, you’d consider her one of your best friends, and hoped she considered you a friend, at least. Janine had become a trusted confidant over the past couple years, and you had spent a lot of time with her outside of the walls of the school. She knew a lot about you, including the feelings you had for a certain redhead. You couldn’t help yourself. You’d had a thing for redheads ever since you can remember. Her spicy attitude only made her that much more enticing.

You appreciated Janine more than she knew. She helped you cope with not being near family after you made the move from Lansing, she was the first to have open arms at Abbott, and definitely made you feel welcome in Philly. She was also the only person in your life that you had told about this one woman you had fallen for at this camp thing when you were nineteen.

Tonight was the night of the field trip to the Franklin Institute. You had brought a duffel bag to work full of the things you would need, not wanting to return to your apartment before the trip began.

The day began like any other. You walked into the break room to see Melissa and Barb intently watching the morning news. The second pot of coffee was brewing, but your coffee was already sitting on the table, so you took your seat between the two women. After a few minutes, Melissa shifted her body to talk to you, and you felt her knee rest against yours under the table.

“You ready for tonight?” She asked as you sipped your coffee.

“Yep! I even brought a couple of stuffed animals, in case any of the kiddos get scared,” you replied with a smile.

“Oh, that’s smart! I wish I had thought of that!” Janine said as she entered the room. “This is my first overnight field trip, well, not my first one if you count the one we took to the Mütter Museum in first grade. Oh, and the one we took to the National Constitution Center in fifth grade. But it’s my first overnight field trip as a teacher, so who knows what could happen? This trip may just change all of our lives, you know?” You couldn’t help but chuckle at your friend’s ramblings.

“Yeah, I’m sure it will. Now, will you sit down and shut up? I’m trying to watch the news,” the redhead beside you pointed at a chair, and like one of Melissa’s little eagles, Janine sat.

You couldn’t help the smile that crossed your face. You liked when Melissa got bossy. She knew what she wanted and knew how to get it.

When the news had finished, and everyone was getting ready to head to their classrooms for the start of the day, Melissa, whose knee was still very much pressing against your leg, turned to look at you again.

“I’ve got some ziti in the fridge for lunch. Figured we could have somethin’ nice for lunch, before we eat whatever kinda sandwiches the Institute gives for dinner.” You just smiled in response. Once Melissa had found out that ziti was your favorite, she had started bringing it for lunch at least once a week. She’d never admit that she does it to see you smile, only telling people that ziti was her favorite and it was just luck that you and Barb enjoyed it as much as she did.

Ziti was not Barb’s favorite. In fact, she much preferred when the redhead brought in her risotto. Barb had attempted to relay this information to her work wife only once, as the redhead seemed to be in shock and when the woman had looked at you and then back to Barb with a look of almost panic in her eyes, Barb seemed to understand immediately. The woman backtracked, telling Melissa that ziti was wonderful, and would love for her to continue making the amazing dish.

“Ooh, yum! My favorite!” You exclaimed as you gathered your duffel and your coffee and began heading for the door. “I can’t wait!” You called out behind you, leaving the room full of coworkers and friends. Gregory and Jacob, who had snuck in quietly while the news was on, both looked at Janine before the three of them looked to Melissa. No one left in the room missed the stupid lovestruck grin on the redhead’s face, but even Barb wasn’t brave enough to mention it. In fact, no one had mentioned it any time that same grin appeared on the woman’s face over the past year. They all just looked on, waiting for the redhead to realize it herself.

When lunchtime came, you entered the break room and were immediately greeted by the best smell in the world: Melissa’s cooking. She had already warmed your food, and had it sitting on the table waiting for you. God, you could just marry the woman right now. You took your place between the two veteran teachers, and the three of you began talking excitedly about your plans for the field trip.

As your friends and coworkers entered, Jacob was holding a piece of paper that he was treating like a piece of gold he had just mined from the garden out front. Janine asked him what it was and he got that look on his face that indicated he was about to get really excited for something that no one else would share his enthusiasm for.

“I got invited to participate in the Aspiring Teachers Program!” He did an excited hand wiggle, the paper crumpling slightly as he did.

“They’re still doing that?” Barb asked.

“I did that once. Worst week of my life.” Melissa harrumphed out. Barb offered the redhead a knowing look, attempting to reassure her.

“I went to that once, too!” You piped up. “It was amazing! Definitely the reason I’m teaching,” you said before digging into the treasured food on your plate.

“It’s in Boston this year. I’m so excited. I’ve never been to Boston in the fall,” Jacob said wistfully.

“It’s a summer program,” you laughed out. Jacob looked at the paper again.

“Well, I’ve never been to Boston, so it’ll be a good opportunity for me to really open my eyes on what diversity could really look like.”

Janine’s voice called out from the couch, as she turned to look at you. “Wait, isn’t that where you met that-”

“Wonderful teacher who inspired me to follow my dream of inspiring children to learn?” You cut her off. “Yep. That’s the place,” you shot her a look, telling her to keep quiet with your eyes. You didn’t feel the two women on either side eyeing you suspiciously. Though they had questions, they both could read the room. It was not something to ask about right now.

You all returned to regularly scheduled discussions, plans for the rest of the school day, plans for the field trip, and even which parts of the field trip that had the grown adults excited to go. You finished your lunch, telling Melissa that this is the best one yet.

“You say that every time. I think you lying,” Mr. Johnson said from the coffee station.

“Nope, Mr. J, she just keeps outdoing herself,” you smiled at Melissa as you said it, and definitely noticed the redhead blush slightly.

“Thanks, hon,” was all she could muster as a reply.

“Of course! I wouldn’t lie about something so important,” you said sweetly as you cleaned your spot at the table. Gathering your things, you said your goodbyes and headed back to your class to finish out the day, once again leaving a room full of your coworkers to witness Melissa’s lovesick smile.

Part Six

[girl-lostconnection]

hallo love your work it's so delicious. I also love how you show emotions. I wanted to tickle your brain for a sec if you don't mind (no pressure). What would happen in your AUs (like the acceleration au) if the reader was more um- violate like when simon decides oh this stranger yep he's going in the bed with us, (even if mind you she was chill about the strange man before if a bit hurt) she gets stern and simply tells him to get out of her house. That if he wants to bring his soldier fine- but that is not her problem that is her home her life. Also I saw you had a fic of gaz with what was basically a gym rat reader and omggggg it's so muahhh. I love strong reader.

Finally got to your ask, anon. So I’ve been thinking about it for a couple of days now.

I think the reason why Reader doesn’t outright put her foot down or why nothing too rash actually happens from ANY side of their throuple is from how slow it all burns. The temperature is going up degree by degree, so the frog doesn’t jump out of the pot.

Now, if Simon tried to ram his way through her stating clearly and plainly that she’s uncomfortable with something, than yes, it would be a recipe for a disaster.

But yk the AU works only because these guys listen to each other. Simon knows Reader and Reader knows Simon and Johnny knows Simon and Simon knows Johnny and Johnny tries to know Reader.

The AU works because they try to get attuned to each other and not because one or all of them try to forcefully slot themselves into each other’s lives.

I get where your question is coming from, I’m just explaining my thought process behind the structure of their relationship.

So their relationship however strange it may seem works because they are adults that while have some unhealthy attachments or coping mechanisms are still capable of processing their own emotions and giving each other space.

I know that I don’t go into too much of a detail exactly how it works/feels/goes between them but for me personally that’s part of it. In life for me oftentimes relationships can get complicated and sometimes you do in fact realise that the person you called best friend for years is actually the person you love.

Also, sometimes when coming from a not very fortunate or healthy family you may not know how different types of love feel like. You have no model to take example from so yeah, sometimes it’s a lot of stumbling around and nuzzling into people and taking time a shit ton of time to figure it all out.

And while I get that Simon may seem really annoying to some people, for me he’s actually really endearing because in this AU I understand him perfectly. He’s a man, he has some issues he never worked through, he dislikes conflicts and tries to avoid them, he takes the coward’s way out because he hopes maybe things will fall into place on their own.

And I understand Reader because she loved him all her life, she never said it, she always dreamed about the life that she wasn’t brave enough to live, she’s really jealous that Soap was brave enough to do what she didn’t, she feels ashamed that she’s jealous, she made mistakes, she hates that she did, she is difficult and isn’t sure she’s worth this much trouble. It’s okay, she is. You are. All the trouble and effort.

All worth it.

And I understand Soap. I think I understand him the best out of them all. He’s jealous, he’s used to work himself to the bone, he’s incredible aware, he’s insecure, he’s feeling like he could be left behind (he wouldn’t be), he likes Simon, he likes Reader, he has different needs than Simon or Reader have and he’s not sure how to voice them. He’s there but is he really present? Is he wanted? Is he needed? Is he loved? He isn’t sure. He doesn’t know whether he should ask.

So the thing is that they are all difficult and complicated and multidimensional and honestly, I love the three of them so so much.

Even if they stress you, guys, out sometimes

[jungmeowz]

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈ secret letters to you - OT7

001; Kim Sunoo the Childhood Best Friend

synops: seven boys who have all had a crush on you, and mayhaps one or two of them are still in love with you, and who knows? But at one point all of them liked you, just in different timelines. sum: seven anonymous letters arrived at your mailbox with seven different boys names, but there's ONE secret confession letter that's fresh and newly written. Who wrote the letter?

genre: fluff, angst(?)

pairing: ot7 x reader

inspo: lowkey based on en-drama and to all the boys i've loved before

word count: 3.5k+ (not proof-read)

a/n: im sorry for the delay... i've been super busy and just trying to get my life together (its not going so well so yeah...)

I’ve known Sunoo ever since we were kids, so I guess maybe it can rule out at least one of the letters but still? My childhood best friend liking me? I mean it’s like a typical cliche but still… but it was still a shocker to me. So out of these eight letters, you’re telling me one of them is written by Sunoo, my childhood best friend.

Sunoo and I have been through everything together, we have shared and created so many memories together, from our first time trying ice cream to our first time underestimating high school. He’s seen me at my worst and at my best, but I've also seen him at his worst and best. We’ve seen each other's weaknesses and strongest perks, but after all that’s what makes us best friends. But I’ve never once thought of him that way, and I’ve never exactly developed romantic feelings for him either. So now that I’m aware of his feelings, I essentially feel bad for never being able to return his feelings, or ever consider those romantic feelings.

“So Kim Sunoo… isn’t he like your childhood best friend?” Aerai questioned. “You know, it’s no surprise if he liked you, I mean it's a typical cliche,” my brother noted. “Yeah perhaps, but the real question is, does he still like me?” I wondered. “I mean if he did, how would you feel about it?” Aerai asked. “Well, I don’t know. I mean I’ve never looked at him that way, nor have I ever developed romantic feelings for him, but even thinking about him like that, it’s a bit weird to me,” I answered.

After answering Aerai’s question, I started to think more about Sunoo and how things would change if we did date, or if I developed romantic feelings for him, and well after briefly thinking about the situation, it still seemed weird to me, and I don’t know how I would feel about the transition of a best friend to a boyfriend, but maybe I’m also scared of jeopardizing our friendship if we ever did cross that line. But he wasn’t the only one that liked me, so either way things would still be complicated as ever. 

“Yeah, I don’t think you don’t like him, because if you’re saying it’s weird and you’ve never thought about it, there’s probably no feelings,” Aerai said. “Okay, well let’s try to figure out which letter he wrote,” I said. “And if we do, how will we confirm it’s him?” Aerai asked. “Well, there’s only one way and that’s asking him, or maybe trying to make moves on him and see,” my brother answered. “First off, no. I’m not gonna make moves on my best friend because that’s weird, and what if he doesn’t even like me anymore… Majority of these confessions seem like past tense and they’re dated kinda far back,” I replied.

After finishing replying to my brother's comment, I looked at him and he shrugged in his defense and put his hands up as a surrender not wanting to add fuel to the fire. “It’s a suggestion, you didn’t need to take it personally,” my brother said. “Well okay, let’s take a look at the letters,” Aerai said. “Well maybe it could be May 23rd 2021, it mentions the word “kids” so maybe it could be Sunoo?” I questioned. “Well what about the one that's dated in 2020? I feel like maybe the older the year is, maybe it could be him?” Aerai replied. “You make a fair point, and I thought about it, but that letter says ‘sidelines’, so I’m wondering if maybe that one could be Heeseung? I mean like, I’m always cheering for Heeseung on the sidelines when he’s playing basketball? So that could be it?” I wondered. “But that doesn’t make any sense, didn’t you meet Heeseung in like 2022” Aerai asked. “Shit you’re right, that’s also roughly the time I met the other guys as well,” I replied. 

Honestly there were so many things I needed to consider about these letters, but my brain had no capacity to understand and comprehend these letters as these dates were throwing me off. It didn’t help that my memory isn’t the best either. I felt like every time I kept reading these letters I ended up being more confused and lost. 

“Well, I definitely don’t think it’s one of the most recent dated letters…“ Aerai trailed off. “Yeah, I agree. I don’t think the recently dated letters would be Sunoo’s,” I replied. “Okay, so then let's just assume it’s either the oldest dated letter, or the letter that mentions ‘kids’,” Aerai said. “Well one of them says they would rather stay friends, and then the other one is expecting me to feel the same way,” I said. 

After making that comment, the thought didn’t occur to me that maybe potentially one of the boys could still like me, and I would need to face that later on. It doesn’t help that I’m no good at responding to people's feelings either. “Wait, do you by any chance like someone at the moment?” My brother asked. My face turned red when the thought of Heeseung appeared in my mind, and then I immediately brushed it off. “No, it’s not like that really,” I quietly said. “You’re lying, you’re just like me! Your ears get red when you get embarrassed or shy,” My brother laughed. “Wait, you’re telling me this whole time you liked someone and you didn’t even tell me?” Aerai frowned. “It’s not that big of a deal, don’t worry about it,” I replied. “Well then, if it’s not a big deal then tell me who it is,” Aerai smirked as she crossed her arms. “It’s Hee..Heeseung,” I stuttered. “I knew it! You’re always going to his basketball games, I thought it was because of Jongseong or Riki, but no, it’s because of Heeseung,” Aerai smiled. “Shut up,” I blushed. “Poor Yunnie, you always dragged him to these basketball games even though he would much rather stay at home and build legos” Aerai snickered. “What? He was always eager to come with me though,” I said. “Yeah, and it’s probably because he gets to spend more time with you,” My brother snickered. 

My best friend and brother weren’t wrong, but the thought never occurred to me that Jaeyun would want to only come just to spend time with me. I sincerely thought he wanted to go these games because he wanted too and support his friends, but after receiving the confession letters and coming to the conclusion all of them liked me at one point, it would make sense why Jaeyun would come with me to these basketball games and give up some nights to build legos just to accompany me on the bleachers to support the team. 

“That’s not the point, we’re here to identify which letter Sunoo wrote!” I exclaimed. “Well we have a movie night hangout tonight at Sunoo’s. Maybe you should head over there early and talk to him privately,” Aerai suggested. I groaned and put my hands on my cheek in distress, “Ugh, what am I suppose to say? Uhm hey which letter did you write?”I panicked. “You can, or you can snoop around his room and try to find something. The letters seemed typed out, so obviously there’s probably a written letter or diary!” Aerai said. “So invasion of privacy…” I whispered. “Okay, let’s not do that. If I was a guy, I wouldn't like it if my crush was snooping around my room to find my confession letter. Just be bold and ask him, but don’t expect him to be honest with you,” My brother said. I darted my eyes at my brother and heavily sighed, he looked at me and shrugged. I rolled my eyes at him. “Did anyone ever tell you how unhelpful you are?” I commented. “Yeah.. you’re not really helping your sister right now. Well, I have to head home and get ready for the movie night. You should head over there early and maybe talk to Sunoo about it,” Aerai suggested. “I could… and I know I should. I just don’t know how to bring it up still,” I sighed. 

Aerai got up from the couch and put her hand on my shoulder and then patted it as an attempt to give me reassurance of the whole situation. She gave me a warm smile and then waved off and left the house. I slumped back onto the couch in defeat, frowning at the situation. My brother looked at me and then decided to plop down next to me. “So Heeseung huh,” he said as he nudged my shoulder. “Don’t even, that's the least of my concerns right now. I don’t even care if Heeseung  likes me back, or used to like me. It’s not going to happen,” I replied. “Since when did you even start liking him,” he asked. “Since the day we met, I mean have you looked at him… he’s just so cute, but when he steps onto the court he’s like the coolest guy ever,” I said. “So you’re telling me you’ve only liked Heeseung out of everyone from that group?” he questioned..

For a moment, I sat there wondering if I should confess to my brother about my feelings and thoughts about the boys. Besides Lee Heeseung, there was also another guy I had feelings for, Sim Jaeyun, the next door neighbor. At one point I really did like him, I liked him for quite a while, but I told myself to give up on liking him just because I never thought he would feel the same way. He seemed like the type who wasn’t interested in dating or relationships. He never mentioned having crushes or liking anyone, he always minded his own business focusing on school, and building legos, but to know in the end he did like me, I couldn’t help but think how things would’ve turned out if we knew we both liked each other at one point and maybe confess. 

“Well… I mean Jaeyun… But I don’t anymore. I gave up years ago, it seems like he was never interested in love and such,” I trailed off. “Oh, so you liked the golden retriever boy,” my brother said. “I mean not anymore, he’s cute and adorable when he builds he’s super focused on building his legos, and he’s always been there for me, but there’s no way he feels the same way about me now. I think one of the letters from him is probably the letter that he wishes to just be friends,” I shrugged. “And what if it’s not? What will you do?” he asked. “I don’t know, re-think about it?” I replied. “So just Heeseung and Jaeyun?” he hummed. “I mean liking Sunghoon would be weird, that’s like your best friend, and that would just kinda be a sin in my book and maybe in your book, liking Jongseong is no question asked because that's your roommate, and Jungwon and Riki are like my bro’s. I can’t look at them like that, and well Sunoo.. we’re just best friends and I would like to keep it like that,” I answered. “I mean I don’t mind Sunghoon liking you, it’s his life. I shouldn’t stop him from liking someone and stop him from how he feels, like it or not, emotions are hard to deal with, and forcing someone not to like someone isn’t right either,” he replies. “Well it doesn’t matter. I still think it’s weird. Besides, Sunghoon is such a huge flirt, I could never, we’re like total opposites,” I shrugged. “Hey, you never know, opposites attract sometimes,” he joked. 

I looked at my brother and rolled my eyes at him, I proceeded to get up and drag myself off the couch and walk towards my room and plopped down onto my bed. I pulled out the letters again and decided to re-read them again, and after re-reading them multiple times, I threw the letters aside and screamed into my pillow with frustration. It’s not like I was expecting any of them to like me to be honest, because literally why would anyone like me? I’m a hot mess, but that’s just me. 

After screaming and laying in bed staring off into space looking at my ceiling, I looked at the time and realized it was almost time to head over to Sunoo’s house for movie night. I braced myself and decided it was time to get ready, as I slipped on a pair of sweats and a hoodie, I grabbed the letters and shoved them into my bag and left the house and headed over to Sunoo’s house.  

It didn't take long to head over to Sunoo’s house. I knocked on his door and he opened it and smiled at me and gave me a hug. There was a part of me that felt weirded out hugging him, just because of those confession letters I read, but I tried to brush it off and proceeded to hug him back. As he let me in, he greeted me and told me to head upstairs first as he still needed to finish some things up.

I nodded and headed over into his room, as I walked towards his bed and sat down, I took a look around his room and couldn’t help but let Aerai’s suggestion get to me. Should I look around or is this an invasion of privacy? But at this point curiosity got the better of me and I decided to snoop around his desk looking for papers or anything that could be letter related. 

Eventually after a couple minutes of rummaging, I got distracted and didn’t realize Sunoo had entered his room. I felt my body freeze as I could feel him staring at me, I was caught red-handed. “What are you doing?” Sunoo asked. “Nothing, I just thought your desk needed some cleaning, jeez Sunoo. Keep your desk clean,” I lied. “My desk is clean, what were you doing snooping around?” he asked. “I can explain?” I answered in surrender. “I’m not mad, it just seems unlike you,” he said. 

My hands were shaking, it was nice to know that Sunoo wasn’t mad that I had just lied to him while snooping around his room. My mind went blank and I didn’t know how to respond to him. There were two options, it was either to tell the truth or continue to lie to him, but with barely time to think and the extended awkward silence forming, I shut my eyes and trusted my gut, and blurted out everything from the top of my head. 

“Sunoo, did you ever like me? I got home today. These eight confession letters were handed to me from my brother and they’re all dated differently and I don’t know… One of these letters seemed like it was written from you but then again I don’t know, because I only talk to you and the other boys, so then it makes sense, but then again who would like me I don’t know what I'm saying. I just, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to snoop around I just really wanted to confirm it, and I didn’t know how and I wasn’t going to ask you because I was scared you were going to lie but now that my mind is blank, and I’m out here babbling like a complete mess, I feel like I just messed things up,” I ranted. “Okay, first of all, breathe, and calm down, I’m not mad. Please one thing at a time, because you literally talked so fast that I lost track of what you said,” Sunoo replied. I hesitated for a second, but there was no point going back because if I asked once already, I might as well ask again and repeat myself. “Did you ever write a confession letter to me?” I asked. “...What makes you say that?” he answered. “Because of this,” I replied as I pulled out the letters out of my bag. 

Sunoo took the letters out of my hand and read the letters and his eyes widened as his face and ears turned super red and then he looked at me. “Where did you find this?” he asked. “My brother told me it was mailed to me?” I answered. “Who on earth would mail this to you?” he said. “I don’t know! But that’s not the point right now. Did you or did you not like me, and did you write one of these letters,” I asked. “Okay fine. At one point I did like you, but that was years ago! I don’t like you anymore, and yes I did write a confession letter, but this was suppose to be a secret. It was never meant to be leaked or anything. I don’t know who the hell leaked my letter, but I don’t like you like that anymore. I look at you as my best friend, and I hope you’re not weirded out or have feelings for me because I’m sorry..” he panicked. “Which one did you write…?” I trailed off. “I wrote the October 13th 2020,” he confessed. “I’m sorry I never noticed your feelings Sunoo,” I apologized. “Please don’t be. It was a long time ago, and besides I’m over it and it was for the best anyways. Like the letter said, I'd rather keep this friendship than lose you,” he smiled. “I know but still. I feel like I still hurt you in some way,” I said. “It’s really okay y/n,” Sunoo smiled. 

I was really thankful to know that Sunoo didn’t have feelings for me anymore, because now that was one less thing to worry about. I still felt bad that he did like me years ago, but I’m glad that he’s over it. “It’s a relief you’re over me, because I don’t know what I would’ve done if you weren’t,” I said. “Well that’s a relief then? Glad we’re on the same page,” he said. “So… Do you know by chance who wrote the other letters?” I asked. “It’s true that all of us liked you at one point, and we did keep it a secret, but we never showed each other our confession letters. So I’m not sure which letter belongs to who,” he answered. “And here I thought you could help me,” I frowned. “As much as I want to help, It’s not my job to reveal their feelings. This is something you’re going to have to solve on your own, as much as I love you, I can’t intervene in this because it’s not my feelings. I mean you figured out mine, but you should give the others a chance to speak like you’re doing with me,” he defended. “But I’m scared. There’s someone out there right now who still likes me currently, and I’m scared. What if I don’t like them back? What if it’s someone I hoped it would be, but isn’t?” I sighed. “I know, but whatever happens, it’s meant to happen. Just know that we all care about you,” Sunoo comforted. “Can I get a hint at least?” I asked. “Fine, someone who has the letter N in their name is still in love with you,” he answered. “Kim Sunoo, that is the most useless hint ever. All of their names have N, aside from Riki! But he even goes by Ni-Ki sometimes!” I whined. “Well you eliminated me! You asked for a hint, and I gave you one,” he laughed. “This is why I favor Aerai over you,” I joked. “How dare you, and here I thought I was being nice,” he gasped. “Yeah whatever,” I scoffed. “The utter disrespect,” he laughed.

A part of me was really curious in wanting to ask why Sunoo liked me, I mean it’s obvious that I lacked self-confidence considering the fact I just don’t understand who could like me, but after receiving confession letters, it definitely sparked my curiosity. “Quick question though.. Why did you like me? I mean it says in the letter but still?” I asked. “I mean listen, I liked you because you were always so forward about things, I mean yes, you were a bit strong headed and stubborn, and sometimes annoying and shy but it’s cute and that’s what I liked about you. I think you’re different from the other girls in a way, you’re very unique,” he answered honestly. 

After hearing Sunoo’s answer, I could feel my face turn sour, it was so weird to hear that come out of his mouth. I knew he was being honest with his feelings with me, but I don’t know, for some reason it just didn’t sound right to me. “I kinda just gagged, hearing my best friend talk about me and admiring me. That was kinda disgusting. Why did I even ask?” I joked. “You’re absolutely such a dork,” he rolled his eyes. “Yeah well you liked this dork at one point,” I retorted. “Yeah, not anymore because you’re such a prick,” he laughed. “Insults? Okay keep it coming, we’ll see who gets the last laugh,” I smiled. 

With that conversation out of the way, I felt relieved knowing Sunoo didn’t feel the same way anymore, but there was still an unheavy feeling because there were still seven letters to figure out with basically no clues. Which meant I still had no idea where to start, and Sunoo’s hint didn’t exactly help me either and so I was stuck at a dead end. I guess the next person I could go to is Sim Jaeyun, he’s the second longest person I’ve known, but the thought of confronting him about these letters was a bit scary considering at one point I did like him, but there was no going back after receiving these letters, I had to face it.

002; Sim Jaeyun - The Next Door Neighbor

from me to you; secret letters to you - masterlist

° ᡣ𐭩 . ° ᴇɴʜʏᴘᴇɴ ᴍᴀsᴛᴇʀʟɪsᴛ ° ᡣ𐭩 . °

[junglejim4322]

curly hair conditioner actually doesn't turn your hair curly necessarily, it just tends to be extra moisturizing to help bring out and define whatever curls your hair is capable of forming. you may have a curlier hair pattern, just it probably wasn't easy to detect because really undefined brushed out curls tend to look like thick fluffy/frizzy waves. if you like the look and want to experiment with it more maybe you can get a curly conditioner like the one you tried whenever you go restock on your usual one

I think im going to keep using the one I tried because my hair turned out really nice in general. I know there’s a whole process to bringing out natural curl patterns, my mom actually has curly hair but her hair is very different from mine and she’s also the only person in like my entire family that’s ever had curly hair for some reason (her parents fully did the “don’t know how to deal with it so we’ll chop it all off” method for years quite evil) however my hair wasn’t wavy before covid hair loss and I really don’t know how to manage it/kind of not sure if it looks good on me but I’ve been trying to figure out what to do with my hair since I was like. 13 idk my hair improving has me a bit inspired maybe I’ll look into it. Greetings loved ones let’s take a hair journey

[xoxostiles]

Stiles Stilinski <3

—————————————————————————————————————

“We’ve Been Here Before.”

The cabin was quiet, save for the occasional crackle of the fire. It was the perfect kind of evening—cozy and still—yet every little shift between them made it feel as though the air was vibrating with unsaid words.

Stiles and Y/N had been together for a while now. Their relationship was solid, built on years of friendship, trust, and the kind of undeniable pull that neither could ignore anymore. They were happy, but there was an undercurrent between them tonight—something familiar but never fully explored, like the last page of a book you’ve always wanted to read but didn’t quite know how to approach.

Y/N sat on the couch, her legs tucked under her, curled in on herself in a way that only Stiles ever saw. It wasn’t long before he was standing in front of her, a soft smile on his face, but his eyes were focused—almost too focused—as they lingered on her. She met his gaze, and without saying a word, he kneeled down in front of her, his hands resting on her thighs, fingers just brushing the fabric of her jeans. The contact was casual, but the warmth of his touch made her pulse quicken. She swallowed, trying to control the fluttering sensation in her chest.

“You okay?” Stiles asked, his voice low, softer than usual. But there was a teasing edge to it, a hint of something more behind the words. He knew something was off. She could feel his intensity even as he smiled, that familiar cocky smirk playing at the corners of his lips. But his gaze never wavered. It was focused on her in a way that made her heartbeat stutter.

“Yeah,” she replied, her voice a little shakier than she meant it to be. She didn’t want him to know how aware she was of every little movement he made.

Stiles’ smile deepened, but instead of pulling back, his hands moved up to her waist, gently pushing the fabric of her shirt higher, just enough for his fingertips to brush against her skin. The warmth of his touch spread through her, and she felt herself leaning into it, almost instinctively. It wasn’t sexual, not exactly, but it was intimate in a way that made her chest tighten.

“You’re quiet tonight.” His voice was soft but insistent, his hands still on her sides, brushing up and down slowly. Every little movement seemed deliberate—just enough to make her skin tingle, just enough to remind her that he was always close, but never close enough.

She tried to smile, but the tension between them made it impossible to ignore. She didn’t know what was happening, but she could feel it, that something in the air that made her want to pull him closer, to close the distance between them that was still too wide.

“I’m just… thinking,” she murmured, her voice low, unsure.

He tilted his head, his eyes narrowing slightly, and the soft smile that had been there earlier faltered. There was something in his eyes now, something unreadable, and Y/N couldn’t decide whether she wanted to lean forward and kiss him or pull away to figure out why she was so nervous.

Stiles’ gaze dropped to her lips, then back to her eyes. It was a look she knew well, the kind that made her stomach tighten in anticipation. He wanted to kiss her. It was obvious. But he wasn’t making the move. He was waiting—for her to make the first move.

Why wasn’t he moving? She could feel herself growing restless, but instead of responding, she bit her lip, unsure how to break the moment. Her hands rested on his shoulders, her fingers twitching with the urge to do something, anything, to close the space between them.

His voice broke the silence, a little more hushed now, like he was trying to keep the moment between them, just between them. “You know, I’ve been thinking too.”

Y/N raised an eyebrow, her lips curling into a half-smile despite the nerves still clawing at her. “Oh? And what exactly have you been thinking about?”

His hand slid slowly down her side, fingers trailing across the fabric of her shirt until it came to rest lightly at her hip. “You,” he said simply, his voice low, the words practically a whisper.

Her breath caught in her throat. She was already aware of the way his hand felt on her skin, but now, with him so close—so intent—it was impossible to ignore the heat building between them. The space between their bodies seemed to shrink with every passing second, and despite every ounce of self-control she had, her body was leaning into his, wanting more.

“Stiles…” Her voice barely escaped as a breath. She couldn’t bring herself to say anything else. She knew what he wanted. She knew what this was. And God, she wanted it too. But there was something holding her back—something that had to break first. She wasn’t sure if it was her hesitation or his, but it was there. It was like a line they had to cross.

His lips were so close to hers now. She could feel his breath against her face, could see the way his eyes dropped to her mouth. He wasn’t pushing it. He wasn’t forcing her to make the first move. But he was waiting.

And the longer he waited, the more intense it became.

Finally, she couldn’t stop herself. She leaned forward, her lips brushing against his in a slow, tentative kiss. It was soft, almost testing, like both of them were afraid to rush. But the moment they kissed, everything snapped into place.

Stiles’ hands tightened on her waist, pulling her closer, and this time, there was nothing tentative about it. His lips deepened the kiss, and everything inside her surged forward with it. Her hands found their way to his neck, tangling in his hair as she pulled him closer, needing him closer, needing more.

The world outside the cabin didn’t matter anymore. There was no one else, no other problems, no other thoughts—just the warmth of Stiles’ body against hers, the heat building between them, the way his hands moved lower, pulling her even closer.

When they finally broke apart, gasping for air, both of them were breathing heavily. Stiles’ lips were swollen, his cheeks flushed, but his eyes were locked on hers with an intensity that made her stomach flip. He wasn’t going anywhere. He wasn’t letting her go.

“That’s what I’ve been thinking about,” he whispered, a teasing smile pulling at his lips. “Just you, Y/N. Always you.”

And for the first time that night, the tension between them shattered into something that felt more real than it ever had before.

————————————————————————————

Xoxo Alexa <3

[ships-n-bats]

I’ve been mulling over all my thoughts on the topic for a while now, trying to type out all my thoughts and feelings on Inspekta and Capochin’s whole dynamic. Trying to come to an understanding of exactly why their dynamic bothered me so much and why I’m not fond of the Inspek//chin pairing in a romantic sense. And I think I’ve finally managed to put it all into a comprehensive set of words that isn’t just complete gibberish or the ramblings of some random hater.

So, before getting into the discussion, I should first preference this by stating that I've never been into the whole "toxic ship" dynamic fandoms seem to have latched onto in recent years. Not because of any “problematic” reasonings or anything like that. My main issue with toxic pairings isn’t whether or not their fictional situations are ethical or healthy when applied to real world similar situations. No, it has more to do with whether or not their relationship is beneficial and equally mutualistic for both parties involved. Specifically, I look for whether or not both characters are happy in the relationship they’re in and whether their overall relationship actually makes both feel fulfilled.

Most toxic pairings don’t fit this bill, typically relying on the core idea that one or both characters are unhappy in some way and will never become fully happy or fulfilled in the relationship (or, in some cases, one or both characters just settle because breaking up or cutting out each other seems like the “harder” choice, so they go for one that’s perceived as the “easier” choice). And while not all toxic pairings are outright abusive, they typically are unhealthy in some way, shape, or form and derive intrigue from shippers by utilizing certain “taboo” things to “spice up the dynamic.” All of which I completely understand and respect, even if it’s not my own personal cup of tea.

In the specific case of Inspek//chin, I find their overall dynamic to be intriguing, tragic, and just a tad bit sadistically funny. Platonically, I have no issue with their relationship and feel it opens the door to many possibilities for current and future fanworks. But to see their relationship become more romantic just leaves me feeling more dread, frustration, and even slight anger. Because Capochin and Inspekta’s relationship doesn’t feel fulfilling or beneficial from either side. If anything, canon has shown just how one-sided and self-destructive this pairing really was, specifically on Capochin’s end.

Capochin’s love towards Inspekta was an obsessive and passionate type of love. The kind of love that consumes and plants itself deep inside you. The kind where it wraps tightly around one’s heart, like a weed or vine, squeezing and tightening until nothing else in life matters except for that one single object of affection. And normally, I'm all for this brand of obsessive love in romance. I love it when two characters are so deeply loyal and absolutely devoted to each other that they become the most important thing in each other’s lives. That they become irreplaceable to the other as some form of soulmates.

But… The tragic thing with Capochin’s devotion was that it really was a one-sided affair that left him feeling more empty than fulfilled, both literally and figuratively.

He was literally carving out pieces of himself in a desperate attempt to gain acceptance and to “fit in” to his role. Slowly chipping away, bit by bit, just to feed a greedy, bottomless pit of a god who was never going to be satisfied with what Capochin was giving anyways.

It was never going to be enough, because Inspekta wanted to be appraised and remembered by everyone, not just by his most devoted follower. It was a fruitless endeavor from the get-go, where neither would have been happy just relying on the other.

And while there is debate over whether or not the burgers were actually made from Capochin’s own flesh, or if it really was just one big, artsy metaphor, the meaning behind it still remains the same. That the takeaway is supposed to be that Capochin is hurting himself repeatedly in an attempt to get recognition from his god who gave him purpose, even if that means erasing parts of yourself until you've stripped away your own identity almost entirely.

(Although, personally, I would argue that the symbolic route packs more of a punch than the cannibalism one, since I like to view the "pieces" he’s removing as direct parts of his personality and identity, rather than just his literal meat and flesh. Yeah, it'd be more fucked up if it was literal, but it's more tragic and universally relatable to me to think he'd destroy himself on a mental level rather than a physical level. More layers to consider with losing yourself as a person.)

But what makes this even worse is that Inspekta never seemed to actually reciprocate or return Capochin's same level of devotion back.

Just reading the dialogue Capochin says before, during, and after his fight reveals that the two really weren't on the same page with their end goals. Capochin talks as if the two were going to become partners and be together, like a couple would... He really believed he was special to Inspekta...

"I'll rule da humans while you rule da skies!"

"Even in da apocalypse… I'M da only one Inspekta will protect!"

"I thought that if I did what he told me, I could rule by his side!"

There's no mutualism or give-and-take to their dynamic. Capochin was doing all the giving and never took, while all Inspekta did was take and take and take. We see that Capochin has romantic feelings for Inspekta but denies it to others and himself. Meanwhile, we aren't really given a clear indication of whether Inspekta has romantic feelings for Cappy, outside of a few lines of dialogue that shows he somewhat cares for him on some level (says he needs to take a nap and may have too much responsibility leading the other Bizzyboys).

Godpoke has to convince him that Inspekta doesn't really care for him and that his ultimate goal only involved himself as the sole god. That his boss was using him and taking advantage of his devotion to further his plan. Effectively, showing that Capochin wasn't important enough to Inspekta. His devotion wasn't enough. He wasn't enough.

To me, the pairing could have been salvageable had Inspekta actually planned to include Capochin by his side in his rule, as an equal. Had it been made clear that Inspekta did reciprocate Capochin's feelings and was just as devoted to him in return. That the relationship was equally obsessive and equally devoted.

Instead, it all feels hopelessly and worthlessly unrequited.

Neither seem to actually be gaining anything from the relationship in any significant way. And neither's life is improved or fulfilled by having the other be a part of it. Both desire similar things, to feel like they belong, to gain praise and attention, to be recognized for their efforts, but neither were really getting that from the other and both were self-destructing in their attempts to gain it. Inspekta didn't bring out the best in Capochin, he brought out the worst, and vice versa.

And Capochin finally realizes this fact at the end. That all that praise he was receiving from Inspekta were empty and didn't really mean anything. They lost their meaning once it was revealed that Inspekta only did so to gain loyalty so he'd get attention and praise.

“I supported him! Cause he made me feel like I’M IMPORTANT! …but I was never as important as him. Always praised by Inspekta but never respected.”

Which does also bring up the concern over exactly how long this whole Inspekta using and manipulating Capochin has been going on for. We do know that Capochin has known Inspekta for the longest and was his first and most devoted follower back when the Bizzyboys first formed. We also know that back when Inspekta was still Hector, he was shown to care for people and was a bit of a people pleaser (i.e. obsessed with being liked and seen as useful), and that it’s noted he’s changed during the events of the game. But that still doesn’t completely confirm whether or not Hector/Inspekta has been manipulating Capochin from the very beginning or not. I’m just left wondering how deep this manipulation goes in their dynamic.

Were these two ever really friends, let alone equals, or was it just all business on Hector's end?

Did Hector ever really, truly care for Capochin as a person, or as a devote follower?

I think the best way to put it is like this: Even if Hector and Capochin did manage to make amends and become better people, I can't really see them forming a long lasting, mutually beneficial romantic relationship. I don't see what these two have to offer each other specifically in a relationship. I can't see how these two dating would improve each other's lives after the events of the game. I don't see how the two are "good for each other" as it were.

It doesn’t help that both struggle to understand themselves as people after having wasted literal years emotionally rotting and losing themselves as individuals. I don’t think either really know who they are, what with Capochin removing parts of himself for Inspekta and Hector at the end even admitting he needs to work on himself because he felt lost and needed to make amends with others and himself. Having them be in a romantic relationship would only hinder any future growth they both need because they’d just continue with what they’ve been doing for years without changing or growing for the better (probably falsely believing they’re both finally getting what they wanted without realizing it’s not what they both need). They’d just fall back onto past bad habits and rot even further. i.e. They’d end up just settling into an unfulfilling, self-indulgent relationship.

*Not to mention that this type of outcome to their relationship would imply that cutting out toxic people from your life isn’t an option. And that you should just forgive the person who manipulated and used you for years, essentially wasting all that time you won’t ever get back. And that you should just date that very toxic person, and ignore all the red flags. Not saying Capochin should or must completely cut out Hector from his life, just that the implications with them becoming that fandom toxic old man yaoi pair comes with even more consequences the two probably should hold off on for now.*

Anyways, in conclusion, at the end of the day, Yugsy did say that fans could play dolls with the characters however they liked. That it's all for fun, so I respect how other fans choose to play with Inspekta/Hector and Capochin. But for me, personally, I just can't convince myself to come around to the two of them as anything other than strained friends with a history shared between them.

[vincentquinn]

“Yeah, if I can reassure you in any way—you didn’t miss much,” he says. “Well, aside from the steady stream of new faces. But I suppose that’s what happens when the bigger cities become too expensive to live in.” He adds before shrugging and taking another sip from his glass of liquor.

He gives a small nod in response to the question. “Yeah, my wife,” he says, the weight of his words sinking in. “My late wife,” he corrects himself. “She loved these kinds of things.” It's likely the reason he still finds himself attending them all these years later—because of her. “I’ve never really been a fan of them myself, though; too many people,” he admits honestly. “I’m still trying to figure out how everyone and their mother managed to get a babysitter on the same night.”

@maxcarson

"Yeah, that's a good word for it." Max nodded in agreement and looked around the room. He felt overwhelmed with all the people, but it was exciting to see it come together, too. "Oh no, it's not. I've missed the last few years though. It's grown a lot." He took a sip of his drink and tried to think of the best way to move the conversation away from himself. "What about you? Been to something like this before?"

@vincentquinn

[starfall-isle]

the broski 12/28/23

[mumblesplash]

heartbreaking: this viral post is saying things you completely agree with in the most irritating way possible

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[enchaentingly]

        relief flutters weakly at his answer, but it doesn’t help to make her world any more vibrant, sharp, and clear. it’s still fuzzy. at least if he wanted to hurt her, it would’ve made sense. she knows she deserves it. there’s enough time for her to protest his claim, surely, not at all plagued by the confusion he keeps trying to tell her about. she is confused, but not about this. she’s confused, and heartbroken as to why he feels unwelcome. why he feels rejected and cast out, unwanted. she’s the only one to deserve feeling that way.  “ n- no, i do. i do want you here. you’ve been so kind, you have to let me thank you, i … there has to be something … ”  she needs him to understand, but allie can’t find any more words.

        she’s not as strong as she thinks. still sitting up, she presses her hands into the soft feeling of her covers, only finding sensation on one side. it’s not very grounding at all, the plushness sh underneath the searching pads. she squeezes her eyes shut, tries to keep from ruminating on the cycles of pain, and guilt soaked regret. the reality of the gore that stains her neck, and traveling down. it comes to the closure of half magic, half ruin. allie doesn’t have to comprehend the rapid signals her body sends her to know what she needs. her eyes open, cloudy with tears, falling in between one blink and the next. still, her gaze pulls to the sight of him, again. he looks so uncomfortable, grounding himself into the wood of the floor instead of anything else. her insides shred with the panic that something is wrong, and she can’t figure it out. there’s too much to go through. and he hasn’t given her anything besides the truth that he knew her mother and the urge to get home, and to be safe, without him. she watches his face, and can’t place anything but bravery and resolve. she remembers, when she had been closer to him, after the fall, she hadn’t heard his heart. she remembers seeing him flinch away from the open wound, bending. allie makes a desperate guess that would hush her prickling senses.

         everything after that feels like it could be happening all at the same time. he’s feeding her instructions with a stern voice that makes her feel just as small as he seems to remember, he turns, he’s going to leave. he’s going to leave. and he’s not going to come back, and neither will she, and now that the bleeding stopped, the pain turns bone dry and unsolved. every bit of her screams, even while allie knows she can’t. she can’t, but she does cry, and pours, all the same. frustration piles high in her so deep that she burns. she might even be angry, the ugliest feeling of all.  “ just- just, wait, please! ”  she does him the simple favor of not trying to stand again, but she shakes, ceaselessly, even without the movement of her limbs.  “ please. please, i haven’t seen her in- in seven years and i haven’t even come looking for her, this time. and you’re- you’re here. i don’t know anyone else that knows her, i’ve followed her everywhere i could, and- and her stories but none of it’s ever done anything and i … ”  her sob turns choked up, mangled. she doesn’t want it to leave, anyway.  “ i just want my mom. ”  in the leave of her grief, silence comes, and she can’t look at him any more. allie’s eyes, filled with tears, fall to her bare knees. somehow, she hadn’t skinned those. it doesn’t take long at all for the worry that he’ll go, anyway, take over the sadness, the emptiness. she has to do something.  “ i can close the wound, i can- so you can stay or- or you could come back, i just … i can’t lose you, i only just found you. ”  the flower flower, unlike the root, is stored on the other side of the bed. allie shoves this, too down her throat, anticipating the sour burn despite the sweetpea exterior, protests from something meant to be used on the outside, gone on the inside of something alive. it doesn’t matter, she knows she won’t mend fast enough for it to be worth it.  “ can you- can you come back? or … or leave something? so i can find you again? ”  again, her body’s greedy, sagging at the edge of her bed at the smallest notion of rest.

Frowning, Reid recognises the spike in her heartbeat. "I didn't get you all the way back here, to hurt you," Damn, he hopes he doesn't at the end of all this. She's putting ideas in his head, and he's squeezing his eyes shut, shunning the depraved imagery. It's been overwhelming enough without her fears dousing her with cortisol; it's a feral trait to know that like it's syrup in a coffee.

She barely understands what she's asking him. "You don't want me here," Statement. Fact. Her friend is supposed to be here, so it's not him burdened with responsibility. Reid finds he's in the gravity of too many witches. Some are familiar with dragging him through the rocky plains of hell and back. Even more than that like to see him squirm under the weight of his desperation.

He's close to crossing the room and stopping the young witch's movements. But he fixes himself still, feet rooted to the floor — almost like the magic in the house has curled around his boots and crawled inside his bones; claimed him as a piece in Allie's little realm.

It's odd, watching her magic at work. He's seen so much of it, years of it, in the futile search for a cure. But it's all very different from the next; no black-and-white law. No mantra that Reid's used to in which he's clear on everything. Once it has been as easy as right and wrong had once been. Witchcraft just a mess of energy that prickles against him; Allie's ingredients aren't like power that envelops the room. He's felt that too, from some. The monster chasing answers in the darker practices; grimoires in stacks at the apartment; frantic hunts for an answer to his affliction. All he's got from it is nightmares and memories of agony.

"Allie." He uses it again, so she might listen this time. The violence at her throat stops its weak trickle as the root and flower do its work but she's vulnerable. She's been that, this whole time.

His instructions are clearer, the second time: "Lay back down. Call your friend. Rest."

And then, he rips his boots up from the invisible binds that had him there for far too long. The cavern in his chest tells him it's wrong to leave her exposed, but he doesn't have another option. He can't stay.

Reid pivots, nodding towards the bed expectantly, as he turns to leave. "Take care."

[lipt-97]

came back just to post these. okay bye