#i’ve been sitting in complete silence for 10 minutes now…i’m genuinely fighting back tears

[lonelysatoru]

there was no last minute win. there is no random save. it’s genuinely just…over. kuma genuinely sent every single last one of them away

[elliesguitarstrings]

Here For You

Masterlist

Peter Parker x reader

Summary: Peter comforts you after you reveal your struggles with depression to him.

A/N: Sorry it’s taking me so long to write part 3 of Silence but I promise it will be out soon. I’ve just had a rough couple of days so I wanted to write something that kinda reflects my feelings atm. I know that a lot of people are feeling the same way as I have been, so I’m just putting it out there that I am always open to talk if anyone needs help :)

Warnings: fluff, mentions of depression and suicide, language

~~~~~~~~

You let out a long sigh as you close your computer after the last class of the day. You’re exhausted, you have a pounding headache, and you don’t have a single shred of motivation.

When all of this COVID stuff first started, you didn’t mind doing school from home. To be completely honest, you actually loved it. You didn’t have to talk to all the annoying people in your classes, you could do a large portion of work on your own time, and you had an excuse to stay in your room all day. What’s not to love, right?

Wrong.

After a few weeks, you started to see how terrible it all was. You had to teach yourself everything because your teachers had no clue what they were doing (and they still don’t). You started to get distracted easily. And the worst part: every single fucking day was the same.

You lost all motivation to do anything.

You’re smart, one of the smartest in your class, actually, but your grades were dropping rapidly. You lost track of assignments, turning them in so late you didn’t even get half credit. You procrastinated like crazy, dreading every single day. You stayed up late every night, trying to finish assignments and get back on track. But nothing was working.

You want to change so badly. You want to be one of those girls who keeps a bullet journal with fancy colors and letters, who plans out their entire day with a checklist, who stays on top of their work, and who actually has the motivation to get up out of bed each morning. But you can’t and you aren’t, and you don’t know why.

Plus, right now you were on your period, which was not helping things. At all. You hate feeding the stereotype of girls being all emotional and unstable during their periods, but it’s true. Well, for you at least. When you’re happy, it’s like you’re bouncing off the walls. But when you’re sad, it’s like you’ve fallen into a 300 ft deep hole and you’ll never get out.

You crawl into bed and start sobbing, the only thing you can do right now. You just want it to be over. All of it.

Suddenly, you hear a knock at your window. Your shades are drawn, but you know exactly who it is. It’s Peter. He goes patrolling around the city after school, but he always comes to check on you first, seeing as you’re his girlfriend and all.

You know that if he sees you crying, he’ll want to help you, but the last thing you want is to be a burden on him. Plus, you only started dating a few months ago, and you didn’t want to drive him away by getting all emotional around him.

“Just a sec Pete, I’ll be right there.”

You run to the bathroom and splash some cold water on your face, trying to get rid of the redness and puffiness in your eyes. You pat your face dry with a towel, put on the best smile you can muster, and run back to your room.

You draw back the curtains and open the window, allowing Peter to slip into your room.

“Sorry it took so long for me to get to the window, I um, just woke up from a nap,” you apologize, shutting the window back while he takes off his mask.

“Don’t worry about it! But didn’t school end like 10 minutes ago? How did you fall asleep so fast?”

“Oh, um, my last class got dismissed early, so I was actually done like 30 minutes ago,” you lied, hoping he doesn’t notice.

“Oh, okay, well I’m glad you got some rest. You need it.”

Smiling, Peter stretches his arms out towards you and pulls you into a tight hug, kissing your forehead.

Just that small amount of affection is almost enough to make you burst out into tears again, but somehow you manage to hold it in.

Until Peter pulls back, looks you dead in the eyes and says, “What’s wrong?”

“What? N-nothing’s wrong Peter, I’m perfectly fine.”

“No, you aren’t. I can sense something’s wrong, so just tell me.”

“Peter I swear. Nothing’s wrong! I’m fine!” your voice is shaking.

Peter folds your hands into his, “Y/N, please. I know something’s up. Just tell me.”

That’s when you lose it. You fall back into his arms, sobbing even harder than before. This is exactly what you didn’t want to happen. But there’s no stopping it now.

Peter holds you tight while you cry, letting you bury your head into his chest. He doesn’t ask any questions just yet, he just holds you.

After a few minutes, the tears let up enough for you to pull away, looking at Peter with red, swollen eyes.

“I’m sorry Pete, I’m so so sorry. I- I didn’t mean for that to happen,” you stutter between sobs.

“Y/N, no, no, it’s okay. You can let it out.”

His voice is soft and comforting, and it does actually help you a little bit. He pulls you into another tight hug, repeatedly kissing the top of your head while you continue to cry.

“Come here, lets sit down, okay?” he pulls away slightly.

You nod weakly, and he guides you onto your bed. You both sit down, facing each other, and he takes a hold of your hands.

“Peter I’m sorry, I don’t want to be a burden, you should go do your patrolling, I don’t want to hold you up – “ you start, but Peter cuts you off.

“No, you don’t need to be sorry. And forget about my patrolling. I’m staying here until you’re better, however long that is.”

You smile weakly, to tired to even fight on it.

“Do you want to talk about it? Only if you’re comfortable though, you really don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Peter questions.

You look at Peter for a moment through teary eyes. He was here for you, ready to listen to you and help you. You were hesitant, not wanting to spill all of your feelings out on him, but you’ve already gotten this far, so why not.

“Yeah, sure, but can we cuddle?”

“Of course baby, whatever makes you comfortable. But let me change first, I’m drenched in your tears,”

You chuckle lightly. Peter always knows how to make you laugh.

He changes into a sweatshirt and sweatpants that he left at your house and climbs back into bed with you. He pulls you close to him, and you snuggle into his arms.

“So, talk to me, what’s wrong?” he asks softly.

“Are you sure you want to hear my problems? I really don’t want to be a burden Pete,” you respond, still crying.

“Baby, I’m here for you. I want to help you and make you feel better. That’s what I’m here for.”

He really is the best boyfriend anyone could ask for.

“Well, um, okay. It’s just, I don’t have any motivation to do anything. Not even to wake up in the morning. Even just the simplest tasks seem so difficult, and I feel like I can’t do this anymore Pete. I just can’t do it.”

You start to sob once again, and Peter pulls you into him even closer. He lets you cry and slowly calm down for a few moments before responding.

“Shit, I’m sorry Y/N. I’m so so sorry. I had no idea you felt like that. I mean, I knew school was bothering you, but not to that extent. But please, please please don’t leave me. You mean so much to me and I don’t know what I would do if I lost you,” now he’s starting to cry.

You lay there, Peter’s arms wrapped around you, holding you as close as humanly possible to him, both crying your eyes out.

“Y/N, I’m going to help you. I’m going to do everything I can to help you. Because losing you isn’t an option. So tell me what I can do to help.”

“Thank you so much Pete. You being here Is honestly the best thing you can do right now.”

You snuggle into him, engulfed by his warmth and comfort.

After a long silence, you look at him and smile, genuinely this time, “You know, even though I’ve been sobbing nonstop basically since you got here, just being with you has already made me feel better than I have all week.”

Peter looks back at you and cups your cheek, pulling you in and kissing you softly. Although the two of you had kissed many times before, this one was different. This was pure love.

You pull away, “Peter?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you. Thank you so much. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

“Of course baby. I’m here for you always. No matter what.”

You both smile, going back in for another kiss, much like the last.

This time Peter pulls away forehead still resting against yours, “Y/N, promise me you’ll never leave me.”

“I promise Pete, I promise.”

You snuggle back into his chest, your tears finally diminishing. Although the past few months had been absolute shit for you, Peter had always been there. And you know he always will be. He makes everything better, and you couldn’t be happier to have him in your life.

The both of you start to doze off to sleep, tired from all the crying you had been doing for the past, well, however long it’s been.

Before you fully fall asleep, you whisper, “I love you Peter.”

“I love you too, so much” he whispers back.

And in that moment, you are truly happy.

~~~~~~~~

Taglist (if you want to be added, removed, or changed on this taglist please comment or send in an ask!)

All: @pxkajesus @hollanddolanfangirl @roseke @agentsofparker @lifeasjazzz @damnrancidchicken @loopyolivia @iwannabekilledtwice @rafehogwarts @non-eexistent @rosiexx8 @nearlydanger9 @realityisabitch07 @midgardassassins @jbreenr @cap-marvxl @ellesmythe @depeestcolorgiantopera @that-one-person @clandestine-nerd @nevertrustapanda16 @ohabbyoh @rxmanxff @bubbleskz @quinn-spn58 @baby-pogue @strangebouquetqueen

Peter Parker: @blizzardbabe 

[lawxbread]

hiya!!!can I ask for a scenario with some angsttt?😂😂I was thinking maybe sanji got hurt in a fight and was hiding his injuries but his fem!s/o found out? thanks so much in advance!! (I don't rly like nsfw smut stuff I just love angsty stuff for some reason loool)

(´• ω •`) ♡ Hey yo!! Thanks a bunch for requesting! I got so upbeat reading your ask since we all love Sanji, so I couldn’t wait to write it! Like you, I find myself appreciating writing/reading angst stuff lately so... your request came in handy !! I hope you enjoy it, have a nice and safe day! <3

I’d never think of you as a failure

Sanji x fem!reader

  Summary: Sanji has been acting weird since he came back from an exploration mission. Thanks to that, an excruciating event happened between you and Sanji. Obviously, you couldn’t help but try to figure out what’s going on with him. Sanji’s cheeling past with his family certainly has to do with it. Well, at least he has you to count on.

 Warnings: angst, disagreements, troubled past

Word count: ~1.7k

"I miss him..." You mumble to yourself as soon as you wake up, seeing the left side of your bed empty.

 It's been a few days since Sanji, your boyfriend, left the ship with Luffy, Robin, Franky, and Law's crew to explore an island. The band split into two groups to streamline the process of going in search of the blue poneglyphs. Consequently, you and the rest of the crew are in charge of keeping tabs on the ship, while the other group is using  Law's submarine since all of you agreed to meet at the next island.

 You and the others have been waiting for the rest of the crew as you already arrived on the encounter island four days ago.

  "Good morning, Nami." You greet the Straw hats' navigator while you approach Sunny's aquarium. She is sitting on the bench, "Morning, Y/N!". You both start a conversation, then you bring up the subject of the rest of the crew's members comeback, showing your worries about Sanji's safety. "I can't stand it anymore. I miss him so freaking much." You say as you cross your arms, with your hands gripping upper them. "I guess I've been used to be by his side." Nami can't help but give you a sad look. She tries to comfort you by saying they will arrive when you least expect it.

  Suddenly, You hear someone yells, "THEY'RE HERE!! LUFFY AND THE OTHERS!!"

 "Oh my god. And I want to earn a hundred million bellies!" Nami jokes as soon as she realizes the amused fluke. You don't hesitate a second and run towards the room's door in an attempt to check if it's true, with your heart pounding out of your chest, utterly desperate.

  You see Usopp in the ship's mainmast, with his hands screening his eyes from the sun's light as he tries to get a better view of the group coming. He can't stop smiling and screaming about the other group's return, giving you a glad feeling.

 "Oi!! Oi, oi, oi!" It's Luffy, happily waving at all of you. Your eyes automatically start looking for Sanji in the crowd. As soon as you see your boyfriend, without a second thought, you run towards him, immediately jumping out of Sunny, "Sanji!!".

 When Sanji notices you, a smile from ear to ear on his face appears. He opens his arms, implying to give you a tight hug.

 Quickly, you hug him. The warmth you feel when you both embrace each other is incomparable, "I missed you." Sanji whispers as he holds you. 

 When you are about to let go of the embrace, you slowly rub your arm over Sanji's right shoulder, "Ouch!" Sanji unintentionally lets out, as if he was in pain. "What happened??" You worriedly ask. "It's Nothing, Y/N-chan." Sanji grins while he tucks a lock of your hair behind your ear, "I'm okay. Don't worry." You can't help but fret about him. Still, you pass this matter over for a while.

Thereabout eight hours have passed since Luffy's group return. Since then, you've been spending this whole time with Sanji. 

 You are sitting on a bench in front of the kitchen countertop while you watch Sanji cooking the banquet for the celebration later, "You look tired.", you say with a concerned voice tone as you fold your hands together on the countertop. "How long has it been since you've slept decently?" Sanji scratches his neck with his index finger, "I'm not tired, Y/N-chan." Sanji replies while he puts some flour on the tip of your nose, leaving it entirely white. So then, he chuckles. "I've been sleeping well, don't worry." Afresh, he smiles, but you know he's hiding something from you. Sanji is unsettled, for sure.

  The big celebration starts, lots of food all over the dinner table, which follows the Straw hats' classic menu: basically, the favorite dish of each one of the members. All of these, prepared by your sweet boyfriend and, also, the best cooker you've ever met, Sanji. 

 Luffy approaches the table, his mouth drooling for complete. Expectedly, he starts eating a piece of meat. When suddenly he asks with his mouth full, "Where's Sanji?" He's right. Sanji said he was quickly going to go to the room of you both about 45 minutes ago. You lean back and look up, wondering why Sanji is taking so long. Owing to that, you get up from your seat, "I'm gonna go call him."

 An anxiety awareness comes as you walk towards your room. You don't know why, but you are having an awful feeling about Sanji's absence; a quickened breath takes over your lungs. Perhaps this is due to his behavior since he arrived. Genuinely, you know that he is not well, and it worries the hell out of you.

 Even though it's also your room, you try to respect Sanji's privacy, considering that you don't know what he is doing inside there. 

 In reason of that, you knock on the door. No answer. You try it again. Still no answer. You do it five more times, and Sanji doesn't reply. 

 So you decide to come in.

  You gradually open the door as you murmur, "Sanji?" 

 You take slow steps on the wooden floor. Sanji is not in the main room, so you call on his name using a louder voice, "Sanji!". Suddenly, a noise comes from the bathroom. 

  You immediately head over there. Hence, a feeling of shock erodes your body as you see Sanji failing to try to hide a big bruise on his right shoulder. You can't stop looking at the wound as you put your hands over your mouth in shock. The wound is really bad. It looks like it was an extremely strong punch's blow or something like that. Apparently, the injury has been there for about a week, so it's not recent. That is, Sanji was hiding it from you. 

  Sanji freezes and stares at you with wide eyes and raised eyebrows, " Y/N-chan..." His voice, a stuttering timbre. "Why didn't you tell me?" You ask him as you crease your brow and twist your mouth, trying to think of a logical reason that explains why he'd done that.

  Sanji is simply shocked. He presses his fingers firmly against the palm of his hand. As if he is holding on to the urge to do something he doesn't want at all. Unexpectedly, his eyes flood with tears. Sanji was holding back the urge to cry. Cry in front of you.

 "No, don't cry!! I hate it when you cry!!" You give him the saddest look you've ever had. He's paralyzed from head to toe. The only movement you see as you look at him is the tears running down his cheeks. 

 "Sanji!!!!" You shout to him while you fight back the craving to cry. Hands lead to your forehead as you feel your bloodstream on fire. Sanji is not saying a thing. He is doing nothing but cries and staring at you while he does so. "God...This is breaking my heart." Your voice is in a whiney tone, implying an inevitable shedding of tears. Then, eventually, your eyes well up.

  "J-just talk to me...Please." You beg. Sanji shakes his head slightly as if he is trying to take a kind of stupor away. He glances at you with a fake smile, "I'm sorry for not telling you." He wipes his tears with his left hand, "I don't know why I cried." Sanji artificially chuckles, "I'm okay."

 The cooker is lying to you again, so you confront him, "Stop telling me you're okay!!!!!" You exclaim. Sanji looks surprised at you. Then you add, "I'm not leaving until you tell me what's wrong." And when he opens his mouth to answer you, you interrupt him, "And don't try lying to me again." You give him a severe look.

  A bleak silence takes over the bathroom for about 10 seconds. Sanji keeps staring at you, hesitating to speak the truth.

  But then, he decides to blow off steam to you. "I got hurt in a fight." He looks down, avoiding your glance, "I didn't wanna you to think..." A line appears between your brows. "To think I'm weak." He looks back at you, "Damn it! How pathetic am I for crying like a baby in front of you??!" Sanji sighs as he palms his forehead.

  You give Sanji a once-over, "Sanji!!!". He wide-eyed stares at you, "Why would you think that??" You can't help but be nervous, "I can't..." You cross your arms, "I can't just sit by and do nothing when obviously you're suffering." Further, Sanji is hesitating again. He lights a cigarette as a down look fills his face. When, finally, he confesses, "My family... used to treat me like..." Sanji blows a cigarette smoke, "... like a failure because they thought I wasn't strong enough."  Sanji admits as he squeezes his eyes shut, fighting back his tears. "I don't wanna you to think I'm a failure and to doubt my strength as they did." He adds, "That's why I hid my injuries from you." Sanji quivers his lips as you gradually approach him.

 "Sanji..." you mumble his name while you walk towards him. He opens his tearful eyes and gazes at you. When, suddenly, you hug him like you're never going to let him go, "I'd never, under any circumstances..." You look up, trying to maintain eye contact with him, "...Think of you as a failure." You smile with your eyes and mouth at him. 

 Sanji is shaken. Now he's crying again. But with joy. He can't stop smiling and crying at the same time. He holds you even more tightly in his arms; even though it is painful for his injured shoulder, he doesn't care. It's like he's anesthetized at the moment. 

 "Mmm...You're warm." He says.

  The words you just said ended up comforting Sanji's traumatized and troubled soul.  "Now, let me treat your injury properly." You ask him with a grin.

 Later, you're sitting on the edge of the bed with Sanji as you bandage his injured shoulder. When, suddenly, you stop bandaging and then, you kiss it, "If I could..." You say as you look at Sanji's profile face, "I'd kiss away all of your scars." Lovingly, you smile at him. At last, Sanji looks back at you. 

  A pleasant silence fills the room as he presses his forehead against yours, "I love you." Sanji whispers.

[noctis-noctua]

Iron Resolve and Refreshing Gales | Overworked Jean x Reader

Relationship: Jean/Reader

Genre: Fluff

Premise: Jean has been pushing herself to the max lately and refuses to acknowledge the detrimental consequences of it no matter who tells her… except for the one person who has her wholehearted devotion.

1754 words.

Here you go! Sorry if it’s a bit subpar - this is my first time writing for Jean, but no complaints here. She’s awesome and I am a total simp for her lmao. 

    Jean has a destructive tendency to attend to the needs of everyone but herself. It doesn’t matter if the issue is as trivial as finding a lost cat or filing papers - Jean carries out each and every request from the citizens of Mondstadt. These days have been busier than usual. Ludi Harpastum is a few days away and that means that preparations are being carried out religiously. In other words, Jean has people knocking on her door non-stop. Can you help decorate Town Square? Hilichurls are blocking the path that my goods are traded on, could you please clear them out? She hasn’t felt the doting embrace of sleep in two days, nor has she consumed more than a couple of light meals. ‘There’s no time for them,’ she often explains to the other Knights. ‘I’m satisfied with anything I can get.’ 

    Lisa is an early riser. She enjoys taking time to brew a pot of Sumerian tea and read new material as the sun floods across Mondstadt, and to do so she must awaken ahead of schedule. It’s because of this that Lisa arrives at the office before anyone else; 5:00 am to be exact, leaving much time to prepare for the day’s labor. She strides to the library doors before coming to a sudden stop, observing the sounds of a frenzied pen in the room across from hers. Jean’s room. Lisa does not hesitate to open the door, exposing a fatigued blonde reading and marking up a stack of documents.

    “Jean, have you been here all night?” Jean’s eyes are dull, leaden bags hanging from beneath them. On the right side of her desk is an almost-spent candle, the dwindling remains of its wax no more than 2 inches. 

    “Oh, good morning Lisa. Unfortunately, I have. That’s alright, though. The sooner I finish them the sooner I can move on to patrolling.” Her tone is desolate despite Jean’s attempts to liven it. The blaring headache ricocheting in her brain is practically begging her to rest, but Barbatos knows that’s not an option. She still has so much to do, and even after she completes this there are mor-

    “[Y/N] hasn’t seen you in days. Not taking a break strains her, too.” Lisa remarks, eyes dancing over the bookshelf. She catches sight of the full series of The Fox in the Dandelion Sea. Mondstadt’s famous romance novels, and one of Jean’s favorites. It’s almost ironic, how such a neglectful Knight came to be a sappy romantic. 

    “...[Y/N] is strong and independent, Lisa. She has no need for me, and although I’d enjoy seeing her, I know that she is perfectly capable of looking after herself. If I have to push my relationship to the side momentarily to sate the people of Mondstadt, then it has to be done.” Jean responds as she pushes another paper to the side. By now there must be 40 finished pages. It pains Lisa to look at them, much less read them. Making peace with defeat, she suggests that Jean purchases a full meal and exits the stuffy quarters. The Dandelion Knight can do nothing but sigh for the 40th time, doing the best she can to ignore the subtle shaking of her limbs, the thrashing pain in her head, and the gradual blur of her sight. 

    She’s fortunate enough to finish up faster than expected and spends the spare time making a beeline for Good Hunter. Suddenly, the hunger in her stomach is 10x more noticeable, and nothing else is on her mind but eating some Fisherman Toast. That is until she bumps into a sobbing blob of red, blubbering much as a fish does.

    “Klee! Did something happen? Did you blow something up?” Jean interrogates, crossing her arms. The small Knight makes a tentative nod and bursts into another fit of tears. I was really hungry… It’s fine, I can always eat later. Jean comforted herself as she held Klee’s tiny palm, preparing for the damage inflicted. 

-

    It’s 11:00 pm. Jean’s ponytail has been ruffled to a point of no return, convincing her to take it down and let the locks of hair flood down her shoulders. New civil letters sit on the mahogany table. Jean prepares another candlestick for the long night ahead, resisting the culling of sleep. It’s much harder to focus than it was last night and nothing but a handful of 10-minute naps and a mushroom skewer are stopping her from dropping dead. Finish fast and I can go home and get a 3-hour nap… Jean’s mind is so adrift and preoccupied that she ignores Kaeya’s presence entirely. 

   “Busy as always, Acting Grand Master. I heard it’s your 3rd day at the office. I thought I’d take the time to invite you to Angel’s Share.” The Cavalry Captain’s voice is sultry, filling the dusty silence. Jean takes one look at his flamboyant figure and turns back to the envelope in her hand, squinting at the printed symbols.

    “Sorry, Sir Kaeya, but I have some stuff to do. I can’t possibly drink - it may impact my performance. Thank you, though.” Kaeya chuckles at that. Stalking over to the paned glass, he observes the joyous city below. Upon closer inspection, Jean looks like absolute shit. Her hair is mussed and her skin is a cumbersome shade, a slight green tone atop her normal paleness. 

    “Same old excuse. Take some time off. You need some fun, Acting Grand Master. It must be boring to be so serious all the time.” His words are not valuable enough to be met with more than a hum. “Fine, fine, be that way. But know that if you ever want to come down, everything is on me. It’s not every day that you come out. Plus… pushing yourself so much can’t be good for your health, Jean.” The drop of formalities is Kaeya’s last attempt to pull his superior away from the bureau, and then he takes his leave. Jean doesn’t fail to notice the painkillers he slipped onto the papers. That snarky Captain… as crass as he tries to be, Jean knows that his actions come from a genuine concern for her health. Thanking him in silence, she tosses the two pills into the back of her throat. 

    The evening descended into twilight, then to the darkest hours of the morning, and Jean has not moved from her chair. The herbal pills had dissipated an hour ago, and the pounding of her headache is almost enough to send Jean reeling. She doesn’t stop, obviously; she’s felt much harsher pains. 4:00 am tranquility serves to be helpful for such aches, but now that her entire body is in pain, it’s much harder to soothe. Her head jolts in intervals as she fights the intense drowsiness. Iron as her resolve may be, Jean is human. Her back hunches as her arms catch a drifting head that now lolls on her reports. The flutter of her eyelashes is peaceful in its own right. Slow exhales leave Jean’s body as she sleeps, her body relishing in such a rare moment. 

    Jean opens her eyes to the scene of a stubby candle that has burnt out. She opens her intricate timepiece in a hurry. 5:00 am. How could she have slept for an entire hour? Dread floods her system as she thinks of how much she has delayed her already bustling schedule. In the midst of her panic, the door opens. It must be Lisa. No one else is mindlessly occupying the building at this ti-

    “Hi, Jean. I brought some tea and cookies for you. I’m sure you must be exhausted… it’s been three days since I’ve seen you, after all.” Jean’s stare softens at the sight of her beloved holding a steaming teacup and a tray of shortbread. She caresses the hand that passes the teacup. The comfort of skin is something she longs for, and something she has deprived herself of these past few days.

    “[Y/N]... I’m sorry. I’ve just been so busy lately, and…” Her lips become still as you tread your fingers through her hair and press a chaste kiss to her forehead. “...and I’ve missed you.” She revels in the smile that tugs from you. That beautiful smile… Archons, how much she’s missed it.

    “Jean, come home. If not for your livelihood, for mine. The bed has been cold.” The desperation in your voice breaks Jean’s heart in two. If Jean is a Dandelion Knight, you are the passionate gales of Barbatos plucking her apart, seed by seed. There is no plausible way for her to stay composed around you. Jean leans into the hand against her cheek, a cat yearning for human contact.

    “I suppose I can… do these in the morning.” That earns a swift glare from you. Jean huffs, taking a singular bite of the shortbread. She’s had to explain her Knightly duties to you in many instances, but it always went through one ear and out the other without fail. 

    “No, absolutely not Jean. Give it to your subordinates. Tomorrow, you are staying with me, no questions asked. I’m sure they’ll allow it - your face looks 5 seconds away from death. Now come.” Jean grimaces at the list of tasks she’s stuck on the table’s edge, biting her lip in a debate against herself. Surrendering herself to the feeble begging of her lover, she mutters a small agreement. The tug on her arm convinces Jean to stand, leaning into your shoulder. She finds solace in the warmth you radiate as both of you exit the Knight’s Quarters arm-in-arm, attached at the hip like lovesick puppies. 

    The sun has begun to ascend again, accompanied by a saccharine breeze. It smells of sweet flowers and calla lilies. It smells of the fresh fields of Windrise, tangling Jean’s hair. 

    “Look, even Barbatos is happy that you’re taking a break!” You tease, and Jean cannot help but giggle. She will always laugh at your jokes, and she will always give in to your demands for touch because Jean is a hopeless, pining fool. On the elevated platforms on the Cathedral stairs, Lisa’s plump lips curve as she sees the Dandelion Knight and her precious adventurer roaming the empty streets of Mondstadt. It’s days like this that Lisa is grateful for waking early, so she can experience the morning wind, the rising sun, a delectable dish of tea, and a picturesque scene of a dandelion being burst by the adamant winds.

[anntoldst0ries]

Christmas (Baby please come home) - part II

Pairing: Dr Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Dr Vicky Valentine)

Word Count: 6k+ 

Rating: R

Summary: Ethan & Vicky’s first Christmas together… will everything go as planned?

Category: Mini series, completed. Part I can be found here.

Warnings: A tiny bit of explicit language, mild sexual content. Other than this - I declare fluff, fluff and nothing but the fluff! :D  

Author’s note: Part II is here and it’s long - sorry not sorry :D I put a lot of effort into this story and I hope you’re gonna like it :) I’d like to thank A. from the bottom of my heart, not only has she proofread it and corrected my mistakes, but also gave me the most amazing feedback. Jenner’s response is also hers, but she thoughtfully let me use it :) This is for you my dear <3

Written for CFWC Winter season, using prompt 10. 

Christmas Eve

And then it was just them. 

In the car.

Alone. 

“For someone who has just said more words in 5 minutes than he does for a whole week, you’re surprisingly quiet, Dr Ramsey.’’

“Excellent observation, Dr Valentine. This is exactly the type of insight that earned you a spot on the Diagnostics Team.” Ethan threw her a tiny smile. “But it’s not surprising. It’s called getting things back on an even keel.”

She didn’t say anything, just gently moved her gaze outside the window, where the wintery Boston landscape unfolded right in front of them. In the background, Frank Sinatra’s velvety voice tucked her like a blanket and she couldn’t help but think he’d love White Christmas in the state of Massachusetts.

It wasn’t until then that she actually realised the Christmas song was playing in Ethan's car and not from the radio. This healthy compromise (Sinatra for him, Christmas song for her) made her smile, as she knew how much of an effort listening to Christmas tunes was for the man sitting on her left. His ears must have been bleeding heavily. She made sure of it, playing the jingles at full blast every evening, scarring him for life. 

“Did you call your family to let them know you’re not coming?” Ethan’s deep baritone roused Vicky from the sea of thoughts she was immersed in. 

“Nope, for two reasons: a - they didn’t know I was coming in the first place and b - I am still undecided.” 

Vicky noticed the muscles on his face twitch in an instant.  

“What can I do to help you make your mind up?” Ethan gently took her tiny hand in his and caressed the inside with his thumb. Then, he took it to his mouth and placed a kiss with great reverence, as if he was a religious fanatic and she was an object of religious cult. 

This took her by surprise. She was expecting a snotty remark, a raise of an eyebrow or dead silence. Instead, the question hit her with a load of affection so genuine that warmth instantly spread in her chest.

She knew exactly what it was that she needed.

He knew exactly what she was going to ask for.

“Ethan, I… listen, you and I both know there is something more to your reaction. What I said in your office, it was just a trigger. I don’t know what it is and frankly I thought about never mentioning it again. But we both know that the next time this happens, you will cut me off again. I am not going to force you to do something you don’t want to. I just can’t keep going through the same cycles and… and—“

He put his palm on hers and took a deep breath. 

“Are you hungry? Tired?” The older doctor asked with concern.

What the hell? Oh, I see what you’re doing Ramsey. Change of subject. Fine. I said what I wanted to say. The ball’s in your court now, doc.

“No to both.” She said as neutrally as possible, trying her best not to show him that the sudden change of subject upset her.

“Good. Before we go home, there is a place I need to stop by, is that ok?” The question sounded shyly, it wasn’t a tone she’d ever associate with him.

“I’ve never heard of a murderer who asked his victim if it’s ok to stop by the crime scene.”

“Trust me, if I were to murder you, you wouldn’t know.”

“Hmm, I’d like to think I know you well enough I would at least suspect.”

“I’d like to think you know me well enough to also know that I’d rather give you one of Dr Ramsey’s signature tirades. They are worse than murder.”

“No arguments here. So, will you tell me where we are going?”

“You’ll see.”

Soon, Ethan parked the car. He unbuckled the seat belt, opened the door and rushed to the other side, to open hers. He reached out for her hand with a faint smile and she blushed at the gentlemanly gesture. 

Having intertwined their fingers, Ethan led her along a high brick wall until a gate materialised in front of them. He gently pushed the gate and let her through. Only then did she realise where they actually were.

“Commonwealth Avenue Mall? What are we doing here?”

“If you ask me, it’s one of the most picturesque pathways I’ve ever seen and not only during winter. I like to come here for my runs and to… contemplate. Walk with me?” He asked, but it wasn’t really a question. Hand in hand, they walked down the alley. Fresh snow scrunched underfoot and the strings of lights danced to the melody of delicate wind. If this wasn’t a fairytale setting, she didn’t know what could be.

Vicky studied Ethan’s features carefully. Although he was still a closed book sometimes, she’s gotten quite good at reading him over the months. After Edenbrook, Ethan Ramsey was the second biggest field where her sharp diagnostic skills were heavily utilised. Maybe that’s what she should focus on once she starts her PhD? “The curious case of Ethan Jonah Ramsey.”

That’s how she noticed that something was clearly eating Ethan from the inside. If her calculations were correct, there was approximately 1/1000 chance of him making a decision to speak, so she decided to throw him a lifebelt. 

“Ethan, I can see that you want to say something, but it feels like you’re hesitating. Please don’t feel obliged to talk, I want you to do it on your own terms. As long as I know you want to talk to me eventually, I’m fine.”

“If I don’t speak now, I’m afraid I might never summon the courage.” Ethan tried to make it sound like a joke, but she knew how serious he was right now. She knew how much it had to cost him. Suddenly, she stopped and put her hands around his neck, then pressed her forehead to his.

“Don’t do this because of me.”

“Because of you? I’m not doing this because of you. I’m doing it for you. For us. What I’m about to say is painful, Vicky, but it’s nowhere near as painful as the thought of losing you. I’ve already told you how much time we lost because of my stubbornness. When… when you and Raf were locked in the hospital room…when I thought you were slipping from my grasp…” He had to stop to clear his throat and take a deep breath, clearly struggling to talk. “I promised myself that if life gives me a second chance, I will not waste it. I will work on this, on us, harder than I’ve worked during my 10 years at Edenbrook combined. I’d climb every damn mountain and swim every ocean if that’s what it takes to have you in my life.” 

She wanted to cry. It took every ounce of her strength not to. Ethan wasn’t a blabbermouth, but when he spoke - man, he knew how to choose his words wisely.

“Ethan, whatever it is… we will get through it. Together. You are not alone, darling.”

Ethan felt tears prickling from underneath his closed lids. Not only because of what she said, but also because of what she didn’t say. He saw the impact of his words in her eyes, yet she didn’t want to make this about her, but him. Her selflessness was one of the things he loved and admired most about her.  The older doctor never let himself be so vulnerable with any other person and as hard as it was for him, it also felt strangely right. As if all the pieces of this crazy puzzle called life finally came together. 

Feeling as ready as he’d ever be, he took a deep breath and said: “Let me take you on a trip down memory lane…”

25 years earlier

Ethan is 11 and he’s sitting alone in his room. The window in the 4 walls of his world overlooks the street and it's his only connection to the outside world. The window sill underneath is wide enough to sit on it, but not very comfortable for a long time. 

He doesn’t know how long he’s been sitting there, unmoving. It may have been hours, it may have been days. Time lost its sense.

He’s already past the point of pain caused by the unnatural position, his body has entered the numb phase, and he doesn’t feel anything anymore. He wishes his mind could join his body in the bliss of being rid of feelings.

It is only thanks to the carollers wandering on the streets that he’s convinced it must be Christmas Eve. And how he also knows it’s been 27 days since his mother walked out on him. Anger mixes with despair, yet he’s unable to stop waiting for her, stop jumping involuntarily at any movement in close proximity of his home. There is still hope.

Unbeknownst to him, Alan stands on the other side of the door trying to make the hardest decision today: to save his son or to be there for his son. Alan is a painful reminder of the life they once had, a bridge to the reality that tumbled down. He slowly retreats from the door, unsure if he’s doing the right or the bad thing. How are you supposed to know? Life does not exactly prepare you for moments like this.

Everyone asks him how Ethan is. No wonder, he is just a child whose mother disappeared into thin air. But do they not realise he suffers too? He loved, loves this woman more than life itself.

Alan was furious at Louise. But was he surprised? Not entirely. Deep down, he always knew that she was a restless soul. She always gave him hints - a subtle comment here and there, some words said during one of their fights. But he was blindly in love, so whenever she gave him reasons to think they shouldn’t be together, he ignored it. And when she did something that surprised him, she won him over and he lost the argument with himself.

What worried Alan was that Ethan started showing Louise’s personality traits. And as much as she fooled him, he didn’t want his only child to end up broken and hurt. If he could, he’d do anything to protect him. But even as a father he was unable to shield his child from the damage of being abandoned by his mother, the only person that should forever shower him with unconditional love. How does one ever recover from such trauma?

Ethan knew. Although his dad tiptoed around him, he felt it. He knew exactly that he was fighting internal battles. He knew that his father suffered. 

There wasn’t anything that he wanted more than for his dad to come and hug him and tell him everything’s gonna be alright.

Or for his mum to come back home and explain the unexplainable. 

But somehow he knew this wasn’t going to happen and he was tired of waiting for a miracle.

And on this Christmas Eve he made a decision: he will never let anyone fool him with a promise of unconditional love ever again.

He will separate himself from the rest of the world, build a wall so high no one will ever be able to jump over it. 

No one will hurt him again, because you can’t hurt the rational mind, you can only hurt an emotional heart.

Today

“I haven’t cried since.” Ethan was now full on sobbing. “Until I met you, that is.” 

She pulled him as close as humanly possible and enveloped him in a tight hug, with his head resting upon the crook of her neck. Hot tears streamed down his cheeks abundantly.

The older doctor was afraid that once he’d start, he’d never stop crying. All his shattered dreams, his sleepless nights, silent prayers, fake smiles, they all joined forces and attacked him with all their might. Had it not been for her hard grip, he might’ve fallen on his knees. How this petite girl found so much strength was a mystery to him, but he’d never been more grateful. 

She kept rubbing soothing circles on his back and neck. It made her feel so unspeakably sad that the man she loved had to carry this unimaginable burden throughout his whole life. And as much as it sucked, she was happy that from now on, they could carry this burden together. Although he didn’t say anything, Ethan must have agreed, as she felt the tension slowly leaving his shoulders. They stood there in the freezing cold for what felt like forever. But neither of them seemed to mind, because they were in their tiny little bubble, impenetrable, where no one could hurt them.

Finally, the older doctor broke the silence.

“Let’s go. You must be freezing.” 

“I’m about 5 minutes from hypothermia but I should be fine. I know a great doctor.” 

“Well, one of the most important principles of modern medicine is ‘prevent, not cure.’ Plus, I think someone has really missed you.”

———

“OMG Jenner st—“

Before she was ready to finish the sentence, she was already on the floor, laughing like a maniac. 

“You will be the death of me, Jenner.”

I’ll treat that as a compliment, Vic. But Christmas treats first, chatting later, lady!  

That’s how she thought the conversation went in the dog's head. Ethan helped her get up and took her coat. 

“I hope you are still not sleepy.”

“Not really, why?”

“Because I need a companion.”

“Always & with pleasure, but I assume you mean something else right now?”

“You minx. I want you to sit down comfortably, I’ll pour you a glass of wine. You can watch one of your favourite Christmas movies or play Christmas songs - whatever your heart desires.”

“Who are you and have you eaten my own Mr Grinch, Christmas-friendly creature?”

“I just need you to sit here whilst I’ll be working. Now go and get changed.” 

She obeyed quickly, which she always did when he used his commanding doctor voice on her. Whilst changing into leggings and a hoodie, some weird noises reached her ears, clearly coming from the living room. When Vicky came back, a glass of white wine sat on the coffee table. But that’s not what surprised her.

The 37-year old diagnostician was tangled in Christmas lights and so was Jenner, who thought his master was playing some sort of game with him and kept jumping around Ethan.

“What are you doing?”

“Well…since, because of me, you had to call off Christmas, I’m reinstating it. I will take all the decorations out while you’ll be sitting here doing nothing, maybe apart from instructing me on how to do it right. Does this sound like a fair punishment?”

“Only if you let me record this and post it on Pictagram.”

“Don’t cross the line, Valentine.”

“Ethan Ramsey, king of rhymes! Fine, I suppose I can still die happy knowing I’ve instilled the Christmas spirit into you.”

“Maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea to actually dump you in the forest…”

“Talk to the hand, Gramps!”

 ---------

Christmas Day

Christmas mornings were always rushed and crazy at the Valentine household. Although Vicky loved Christmas in her family home, she didn’t know how much she actually enjoyed the lazy, easy Christmas mornings until she was able to experience it. And she couldn’t be more content that it was with Ethan.

Mercifully, he let her sleep until 9am (obviously, he wouldn’t be himself if he didn’t mumble something about her sleeping too long and how she was able to function like this, but she completely ignored the remarks) and then brought her breakfast to bed, which she consumed in its entirety, with a little help from Jenner. The most important meal of the day had been delivered with a complimentary kiss, which was her favourite part.

“Ethan!” She shouted from the bedroom, not quite ready to leave the comfort of his bed. The older doctor left her with the food and went to prepare them both a cup of coffee.

“Jesus Christ woman, you’re so loud I’m starting to consider getting rid of my stereo.”

“Oh, it didn’t seem to bother you last night.” She winked at him and he grinned involuntarily. How was it possible that she was in possession of his facial expressions too?

“Anyway, can you please remind me what time we have to be there tonight?”

“Be where tonight?”

“Naveen’s Christmas Party.”

“We’re not going.”

“Yes, we are.”

“No, we are not.” 

“Ok, let me rephrase this: me and my unearthly seductive dress are definitely in attendance. If you and Your Royal Grumpiness wish to stay home, be my guests.”

“You don’t play fair.”

“All’s fair in love and war.”

“You know how much I hate rubbing shoulders with idiots in bowties.”

“I do, but let me offer some consolation. This time, you don’t have to do this, because we are not raising any donations. Also, we can laugh at those idiots together and if either of us is stuck in a pointless conversation, the other can always rescue them.”

He couldn’t argue with her logic, instead pulling her close against his chest and kissing the top of her head.

Later this evening 

“V, how much longer until you are ready?” Ethan was growing impatient. He hated waiting and just couldn’t understand what took her so long. He was convinced that even wearing a garbage bag, she’d be the most stunning woman in the room.

“Ethan, nothing has changed since you’ve asked me 5 minutes ago.”

“Fine, but don’t be surprised if I leave without you.” 

“No you won’t. But for someone who didn’t want to go at all not longer than 8 hours ago you are quite eager now. Call me an influencer.”

“I’ll call you whatever you want if this means we can leave soon. The sooner we leave, the sooner we can come back.”

“Whatever I want? Bad move Ramsey, bad move.” 

“I’ll sho—“

He turned around and the words got stuck in his throat at the sight unveiling in front of him. She looked like a freaking goddess, who decided to descend from Mount Olympus and grace the mortals with her presence.

“You were saying?”

“I..I… you..well..” For a man so educated he now sounded less articulate than a toddler. To make things worse, a certain body part painfully reminded him that behind the facade of accomplishments, he was still a primate. 

“Ethan, could you stop talking so much? I can’t hear my own thoughts.” She laughed and it was so infectious that he couldn’t help but smile. 

She decided to wear a long, black gown, with a thigh high split showing her slim, tanned legs that he was a total sucker for. The ensemble was complimented by crystal embellished sandals and glamorous drop earrings. 

“I’ve never seen anyone whose insides matched their outsides so accurately. To me, you are perfect.”

Her heart stopped and she felt butterflies waltzing through her stomach. No matter how many times Ethan complimented her, she always felt like Cupid punched her right in the face. And she hoped the feeling would never fade or disappear.

“So you watched Love Actually with me yesterday.”

“Watched is an overstatement. I might have peeked a few times.” Ethan cleared his throat. “Can we go now?”

“Absolutely not. Did the Edenbrook gala not teach you that if you need to attend an event you are not particularly excited about, you shouldn’t go sober?”

“I suppose you have a point here. One drink.”

“Three.”

“Two.”

“Deal! Pleasure doing business with you, Dr Ramsey.” 

Ethan poured them both a glass of his best scotch. Before she was able to take a sip, he stopped her with his hand. “I’d like to propose a toast.”

“Fire away.”

“To curing the incurable. In medicine and in life.” He sent her a sweet, genuine smile that made her heart beat ten times faster.

Then, they made some bets about what’s going to happen during this year’s party, who’s going to get so wasted that they will be forced to perform a walk of shame for months to come. For the whole time, the younger doctor couldn’t shake the feeling that he is studying her.

“What is it? And don’t tell me it’s nothing, I’ve spent too much time with you for my observation skills not to improve insanely. Like it or not, you created a monster.”

“I like to think of it as making the world a better place… nevertheless, I’m impressed, Dr Valentine. For a 3rd year resident your skills are exquisite.” 

She put her hand on her heart and smiled. All the compliments she’s ever received in her life faded in comparison to one from Ethan Ramsey. Her high school hero, her inspiration and she still couldn’t quite believe it, the man she was now sharing her life with. 

“Now, if you’ll allow me, I must order a cab now, otherwise I may lose a battle soon.”

“What battle?”

Ethan looked at her, lust flooding from his eyes. He quickly stepped behind her and gripped her waist, then leaned into her ear, catching it ever so gently with his lips. This alone was enough for her knees to give out and she was never more grateful for the kitchen island and the fact she was holding onto it for dear life. But he didn’t stop there. He whispered into her ear and no other sounds in the world could compare to the symphony of his voice, dripping with desire.

“The one in my mind, between my rational mind and my primal desire, urging me to rip off this dress and devour you right now.”

Goosebumps spread across her body, a painful reminder of the fact that maybe her mind and mouth could lie to Ethan, but her body couldn’t. Damn it.

She knew it was a matter of milliseconds before she’d be unable to make a rational decision, so she quickly slipped from Ethan’s grip and whispered: “You should order it now then.” Then, she placed a gentle kiss on his cheek.

“Oh, you’re gonna make me work for it, aren’t you?”

“Well, that’s only part of the reason. The other, bigger part is that I just really, really want to show up at this party with my insanely hot boyfriend by my side, without finally having to hide and pretend. Unless…he’s ashamed of me.” 

“Vic, there are a lot of things in my life that have ‘shame’ and ‘you’ in one sentence. I’m ashamed of running away from you to Amazon. I’m ashamed of denying my feelings for so long. I’m ashamed of hurting you, more than once. But to have you by my side, to finally call you mine? That’s my greatest pride. Now, shall we?” He offered her a wide smile and his arm.

“You asshole. First, you try to seduce me and then you make me cry. Let’s go then, Naveen is going to kill us. I promised we’re only gonna be fashionably late.”

———————

The party was already bustling when they arrived, the room filled with chatter of many guests in attendance. The event was Naveen’s pride and a tribute to his many years as one of the most important figures in today’s medicine. It was almost like Elton John’s Oscars after party - everyone wanted to be there. Being there made Vicky feel special, but more than that, uneasy - she was still just a resident and somehow felt like she didn’t belong there. At least, not yet.

In the background, the string quartet played classical versions of popular songs and carols. The venue was impressive, located within one of Boston’s most prestigious hotels, whose owner was Naveen’s - obviously - long time friend. 

The second Dr Banerji spotted them, he practically ran in their direction, almost bumping into one of the guests.

“Well well, if this isn’t my favourite pair of doctors. Dr Valentine, you look like you walked out of one of Botticelli’s paintings.”

“Enough with the formalities. I’m so happy to see you, Naveen! Merry Christmas.” She hugged the old doctor tightly and although initially surprised by this display of affection, he instantly relaxed and returned the hug.

“Merry Christmas, my dear.” 

“It’s quite something, this party of yours Naveen. You’ve outdone yourself.”

“Why, thank you. You know what my favourite part is?” He locked arms with the younger doctor and leaned in to whisper in her ear. “This party satiates my hunger for gossip for months to come. And I’m pretty sure this evening will be, for many reasons, unforgettable. Enjoy your evening, my friends, I shall see you around.” 

Naveen winked at Vicky and Ethan felt like there was some sort of unspoken agreement between them, one that he wasn’t a part of.

“What was that about?”

“What was what about?”

“I know you and I know Naveen. Something is off here.” 

“Ethan Ramsey, are you jealous? FYI, I don’t fancy older men. Oh no, wait. I totally do.” She was trying really hard to stay serious, but failed miserably.

“Very funny, Valentine.”

“Sorry Gramps. This one you were totally asking for.”

“I’m gonna go get us some real drinks, I need to hydrate myself heavily if I’m to survive the evening.”

“Don’t cloud your judgement too much, Ethan. You may need it.” 

Maybe he was imagining the whole exchanging looks thing between Vicky and Naveen. But now he was certain she’s hiding something. And he intended to find out what it is or he was not Dr Ethan Ramsey. 

After he fetched them the drinks, they found their seats and soon Naveen made his annual speech, summarising the whole year and thanking tons of people. Vicky loved experiencing Naveen as a speaker, he didn’t have Ethan’s commanding presence, but his years of experience and sincerity in his voice made everyone listen with absolute silence.

He then joined them at the table. Of course he sat us with him, Ethan thought.

“Naveen, if you think I’m going to be your source of hospital gossip, think again.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. We don’t spend as much time in the hospital together and I miss my dear friends.”

Before he was able to respond, Vicky pinched his thigh under the table and sent him a murderous look. 

“We miss you too, Naveen. Now, why don’t you two catch up properly, whilst I’m gonna go and do my round of talks, there are a couple of people I wanted to chat with.”

“Sure, feed me to the lions, Vic.”

“When have you become such a drama queen, Ethan? If I wanted to feed you to the lions, you’d be standing over there.” She pointed her finger to the corner of the room, where some big pharma executives were enjoying themselves. She waved friendly in their direction, and they responded in kind.

“Alright gentlemen, I need to run before they catch me.”  

Before she turned around, her and Naveen shared meaningful looks, but before Ethan had a chance to ask, she was already gone. Plus, Naveen changed the subject and the two immersed themselves in a very interesting conversation, which reminded Ethan how much he liked his mentor, not as a doctor, but genuinely as a human being. This made him one of a few people Ethan truly liked.

Dr Ramsey was one of those people who, when they were focused - whether on the case, on the conversation or on watching an opera - dedicated their attention entirely to said activity. Which was probably the reason why the sounds coming from the stage took him by surprise. He didn’t realise that the string quartet had been replaced by a group of young people, who started playing more lively. 

No longer than 30 seconds later, someone started singing, but the voice was not coming from the stage. It was coming from behind. Suddenly, all the guests turned their heads around as one. 

The snow's coming down

I'm watching it fall

Lots of people around

Baby please come home

The angelic voice belonged to a beautiful girl in a black gown. She sat on a bar stool, side-facing everyone. Suddenly, she jumped from the seat and started walking towards the stage, each step sensual.

The church bells in town

All ringing in song

Full of happy sounds

Baby please come home

Ethan must have looked like an absolute idiot, because he sat there gaping like a fish.

They're singing "Deck The Halls"

But it's not like Christmas at all

'Cause I remember when you were here

And all the fun we had last year

Once on the stage, she owned both the stage and the crowd. Some people started dancing, others clapped to the rhythm and sang with her. When she finished and took a bow, the audience applauded her generously. 

“Good evening everyone. I’m Vicky and I’m a doctor at Edenbrook Hospital. Thank you for organising this amazing event, Naveen, and thanks for having me. And now, please meet these amazing musicians, whom I have the honour of calling my friends. Back in high school we formed a band, which we called Valentine’s Day… that was a very accurate name on many levels.” She chuckled and the crowd followed. 

“You are looking at people who never gave up on their dreams and now play in some amazing venues. I couldn’t be more proud of them. It would have been the same for me, most likely, if it wasn’t for a book, which I’m sure a lot of you ladies and gentlemen are familiar with. It’s called Diagnostics Principles. After I read it, nothing was the same. And here I am, all these years later, getting covered in blood and sweat almost every day. But today, I can at least bask in the glory of the amazing people standing here with me.”  

“I’d like to dedicate this next song to the author of the above mentioned book. He changed my life in more ways than he can realise. And although I promised him we will not exchange any Christmas presents, I haven’t spent any money on this one, so technically it doesn’t count, right?” She earned another amused reaction from the crowd.

“It’s my favourite Christmas song and I’m so honoured to be able to sing it for you.”

The subtle sounds of a piano reverberated in the room and she started singing, her voice pure and powerful.

O Holy night

The stars are brightly shining

It is the night of our dear Savior's birth

Ethan couldn’t move or breathe. He just stared, completely transfixed. 

Long lay the world in sin and error pining

'Til He appears and the soul felt its worth

A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices

For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn

To hear her singing was one thing. To feel all the things the act was doing to him, was completely different. With every sound produced by her vocal cords, a new, overwhelming sensation was born inside of him.

Fall on your knees

O hear the Angel voices

O night divine

O night when Christ was born

O night divine

O night

Oh night divine

Their eyes locked and she sent him a look so full of affection that he felt a warm tear flowing down his cheek. 

For him, it was anything but watching a performance. It was a spiritual experience. Towards the end of the song, she hit the notes so high, that he couldn’t help but look around the room. Everyone was in awe of her. And he was never prouder to call her “his”.

After the last bits of instruments resonated, the guests gave her a standing ovation. Ethan clapped his hands so hard that they hurt. He even whistled on his fingers which he hasn’t done since high school. To hell with it, he thought. 

And then he ran, knowing that in a second he will not be able to squeeze through the crowd of admirers. He scooped her in his arms and kissed her with so much passion that she felt dizzy.

“Wow, that was different.”

“What do you mean?”

“The kiss, it felt different.”

“There are so many things I want to say right now, but I can’t do it here. How much longer do we have to stay?”

“I promised the guys I will sing a couple more songs with them and then I wanted to introduce you and have a drink together. After that, we’re free to go.”

“Deal.”

——

“My feet are killing me. I don’t know how I survived in those heels, but I’m walking barefoot for the next 2 days.” 

“How fitting since I’m not going to let you out of this apartment until we have to go back to work.”

“I’m gonna go get changed in my PJ’s”

“Ah, not that soon.” Ethan said with a devilish smile and then approached her, reaching for her hand. “May I have this dance?”

“Although I’m tempted to say no to Dr Ramsey just to prove a point, I could never say no to Ethan.” She took a bow and gave him her hand.

“Lucky me. I just wanted to dance with you away from the prying eyes. For the whole evening everyone stared at you. I’m a selfish man and I was counting the minutes until I have the view all to myself.”

The sounds of Something by The Beatles started seeping from a glamorous gramophone.

“The Beatles? I didn’t take you for the type who’d listen to them.”

“Frank Sinatra christened this song the ‘greatest love song ever written.’ And who am I to argue with him?”

For a moment they swayed in silence, cheek to cheek. Then, the older doctor leaned back and looked her straight in the eye.

“So, you are not great at keeping promises, are you?” He mumbled playfully. 

“You mean the “let’s not exchange gifts” thing? I stand by what I said earlier, I haven’t spent a dime on it, so it doesn’t count.”

“It’s funny that you don’t even begin to realise how wrong you are.” He was very serious but there was a rare gentleness in his voice. “First of all, you mentioned you had a band in high school and that you sang but you never told me that you practically traded being a music star for being a doctor.” She blushed shyly at the compliment.

“Secondly, when you sang, I just couldn’t take my eyes off of you. It was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard and I consider myself an audiophile.”

“Coming from you, this is officially the biggest praise ever. I will have this printed and framed. You may even get an autograph if you play your cards right.”

“Shut up, I haven’t finished. You can ruin the moment later.” Ethan playfully swatted her arm. 

“With you, I am discovering parts of myself I never knew existed. And I’m strangely content with this. So, to sum up, all of the above makes me feel very guilty that I didn’t get you anything.”

“Ethan, you don’t have to give me anything. But it’s funny you said that, because you don’t even begin to realise how wrong you are.” She was proud of herself for being able to use his own words as a counterargument. 

“Actually, you gave me the biggest gift yesterday: a real part of you. I’m guessing, actually it’s more than a guess, that this is not something you shared with many people.”

“I haven’t shared this with anyone.”

“And that’s the biggest gift I could ever ask for. I want to be the person who helps you carry the cross, no matter how heavy it is.”

He pressed her even tighter against his chest and rested his chin on her head. But he felt the need to express all the other things his words couldn’t, so he gently lifted her chin and pressed his lips to hers. She tasted and smelled divine. On a very basic level, she smelled like coconut and mango. 

To him, she smelled like spring, summer, autumn and winter. Like a promise of sun after the storm. Like home. Ethan finally found his home, his safe haven.

The kiss made her feel dizzy again and then she remembered.

“So, the kiss. It feels different. Why?” She looked at him so innocently it almost made him sweat. Ethan cupped her cheek as if he was holding the most precious thing in his palm… and for him, he was.

 “When you were singing for me, I made a promise. From now on, whenever I kiss you, I want to make it feel like it’s the last time, but also a promise of the million more kisses we will share. Merry Christmas, Vicky.”

“Merry Christmas, Ethan.”

***************************

If you made it this far, from the bottom of my heart - thank you & you are awesome! I wish you all the best in 2021, let’s hope it’s a better year for us all :)

Tag list: @genevievemd | @terrm9 | @starrystarrytrouble | @danijimenezv | @mercury84choices | @maurine07 | @gryffindordaughterofathena | @jamespotterthefirst | @justanotherrookie | @alwaysmychoices | @takeharryandgo | @beckaroo | @lucy-268 | @aarisa-frost | @openheartfanfics | @caseyvalentineramsey | @brooks-eden | @heauxplesslydevoted | @iemcpbchoices | @lovingramsey​ 

[jonathanvik]

Starlight Dream - Chapter 10

"I can't believe Takako duped us like that!" Colten said, fuming in anger. "We underestimated her, and she's gotten stronger!"

"It didn't fool me for a second." Mr. Kiyojiro said.

"What?!" Aiko, Colten, and Seina exclaimed in surprise.

Seina's bodyguard smirked. "It wasn't like she made it difficult. She barely acted differently than her normal self."

"I suppose." Seina blushed in embarrassment. The deception was obvious if you stopped to consider it.

Mr. Kiyojiro rubbed the back of his neck, his turn to be embarrassed. "I'm sorry. I allowed her to train with you because I thought she'd be a good rival to increase your abilities."

Her bodyguard's mood darkened, voice tinged with self-loathing. "I never considered she might team up with the vampires. It almost got you killed."

"Yeah…"

"It's fine!" Aiko said, trying to disrupt the dark mood that had overtaken the room. "She saved my life, remember? I'm certain we can become friends again."

"You want her back?" Seina said, annoyed. After everything, why was her friend so quick to forgive the dark magical girl? "She hates me, remember?"

"Oh, that's just Maeko, er, Takako, being her usual self. I'm confident she doesn't really hate you." Aiko puffed out her chest. "We had a lot of fun together, didn't we?"

Siena looked away. "I'm still not sure I want her around." While part of her understood Aiko's argument, the nastier part of her refused to forgive Takako's deception and betrayal. It was childish, but Seina couldn't help herself.

A weak smile appeared on Aiko's lips. "Okay, I can't force you to be friends. Still, open your heart to forgive her, okay?"

"Sure." Seina changed the subject, wanting to discuss something less painful. "I still have the entire day off. How about we celebrate my victory with some lunch? We still haven't tried that ramen place you recommended, Mr. Kiyojiro."

Much to her relief, this restored her bodyguard's mood, and he nodded. "It isn't far from here."

"Actually, could you go without me?" Aiko said.

Seina blinked. "You aren't hungry?"

"There's some matter I need to attend to. Go and have fun. I'll catch up with you later." Aiko gave her friends a wink. "And I'll come with a special surprise! Later." With a wave, her girl dashed off in the other direction.

"Okay," Seina said, after some reluctance.

"What's she up to, I wonder?" Colten asked, before shrugging. "More ramen for me! All that action has made me starving!"

A pebble fell over the bridge as Takako kicked it away. Since she'd ruined her day-out plans with Seina and the others, it left her little to do. Without Nier, she couldn't leave this universe, unable to escape her shame. It burned her that Seina had given her mercy. Not that Takako wished to die, but it was still a black mark, regardless. Her stomach rumbled, and she groaned, hanging her arms over the bridge's railing. Why hadn't she fought with her rival after they'd gotten lunch first?

Should I go back to Lilha's place and raid her fridge? Still, it meant encountering her former ally, and Takako despised seeing a reminder of her shame. Because of that woman, Aiko had gotten hurt, and Takako found she couldn't forgive herself for it.

Wonderful. I just realized something. Without Lilha, I don't have a place to live anymore. I'm homeless and trapped. Did this mean she'd need to live in a cardboard box by the river until Nier returned? Or live in an abandoned building full of rats? Takako grimaced when her stomach rumbled again. She gasped as someone pushed a bento box into her face.

Takako glanced up to find Aiko smiling down at her, carrying her own bento box. "You haven't had lunch yet, right? I thought I'd join you."

For a moment, Takako hesitated taking the lunch box. She hated taking charity. Was this some kind of trick? A way to mock her for her failure? Yet, Takako sensed genuine kindness behind Aiko's smile. Her stomach growled again, and she grabbed the box, grasping the chopstick inside.

"I don't know what you're scheming, but thanks," Takako placed her back against the railing.

"I just thought you needed a friend," Aiko replied, joining her. She gave thanks for the meal and dug into her bento box.

"Friend?" Despite her hunger, Takako still hesitated, staring at her meal untouched. "After what happened, I thought you hated me, like Seina."

"Hate you? Nah. I never hold grudges. Waste of time." Aiko waved a dismissive hand.

Takako only stared at the girl, dumbstruck. "Really?"

"And I doubt Seina hates you either," Aiko said. "She doesn't take betrayal well. She's had a bad history with it. Are you going to eat or what?"

Takako mentally slapped herself and gave thanks for the meal. She grabbed a piece of shrimp and bit into it before gasping in amazement. It was spectacular!

Aiko smirked when she caught her friend's expression. "I'm glad you like it. A really nice old lady down the street likes making them for people. She was a famous chef before the vampires came. We're old friends."

They ate in silence for several moments before Takako broke it. "She truly doesn't hate me? Maybe she should. She wasn't completely wrong." Seina's accusations still burned in her mind with its unwavering conviction.

"Yeah, she was right," Aiko said, nodding, making Takako wince. The girl caught her reaction. "What? I won't lie and say it's a good thing you've allowed people to get hurt through your inaction."

"Thanks."

"But I won't say you're hopeless either," Aiko said. "If you were evil, you would have allowed that brute to kill me. I don't believe anyone is beyond redemption regardless of their past actions."

"You're a marvel, Aiko. You know that?"

"Huh?"

"The others argued I was too dangerous to leave alive, but not you. After everything you've suffered through, I thought you'd be the first to condemn me for my sins."

Aiko snorted. "That's because I can see people's hearts. Besides, most people aren't evil regardless of what they've done. They just need to do better. Or, that's what my mom always tells me, anyway."

"What makes you think I want to be good?" Takako asked defensively.

"I'm not asking you to be a saint," Aiko said, snorting. "How did you even get into this magical girl business, anyway? You seem to hate it."

"You're not wrong," Takako said, admitting the truth. "I'm not like the other magical girls. I don't like hurting people. As for how I became one…" She hesitated. It wasn't a story she'd told anyone else before. It had been so long ago, Takako had almost forgotten it. No, that wasn't true. She hadn't wanted to remember. Yet, something about Aiko made Takako want to trust her.

After taking a deep breath, Takako began her story. "It began almost three hundred years ago. I was just an ordinary girl. Plenty of sass, sure. It drove my parents and teachers up a wall, but ordinary. One day, my fairy partner appeared to me while I was sitting on a bridge, not unlike this one. I'd had a fight with my parents and wanted to be alone. They wanted me to attend a cram school, and I hadn't taken it well. Nier, he offered me the universe with the power to do anything. I was so angry and frustrated with my boring, ordinary life that I accepted without hesitation."

"They told me magical girls exist to cause suffering, but I was more interested in exploring the cosmos. Some magical girls like to burn their homeworld as an initiation ritual to join the order. I just left and never looked back. I ignored my magical girl duties and went exploring." Takako smirked. "It annoyed Nier to no end, but the multiverse is a beautiful place.."

Takako's mood darkened when she remembered the next part. "I'm immortal, and the cosmos is a huge place. When I finally remembered to return home, over four decades had passed. Everything I'd known had long disappeared. My brother already had teenagers, and my parents had long since passed. My disappearance devastated them. They never really recovered."

An unexpected tear slid down her face. "They loved me so much. They did everything to find me. Every day my disappearance tormented them, and I was gallivanting around the universe. Our relationship wasn't the best, but I loved them." How had she allowed herself to forget it? She'd been such a child. Aiko grabbed her hand and squeezed, giving Takako some measure of comfort.

"After that…" Takako trailed off.

After learning about her parent's fate, she ran away again, unable to bear the reality of what she'd done. It had been too painful. Her brother would be long dead now, forgotten by history. She had never even visited his grave. Takako couldn't deny Seina's accusation. She was cowardly.

"It's okay." Aiko pulled her into an unexpected hug, and Takako cried into her shoulder. Long suppressed emotions spilled out like a burst dam.

After several minutes, Takako wiped her eyes. "I'm such an idiot. Look at me. I'm a mess." Yet, the cry paradoxically felt good, not realizing how much she'd needed it. Aiko continued to say nothing, using her presence to comfort her new friend instead.

"I suppose once you grow accustomed to being alone, you forget how good it is to be around people," Takako considered her relationship with Neir. Could she even really consider him a friend? It pained Takako to realize she couldn't answer that question.

Aiko smiled and nodded. "That's true. But remember, you aren't alone. You have Seina and me."

This made Takako flinch. "If she'll even take me back."

"She will. Just give her time."

A horrible realization came to Takako's mind. "I've basically betrayed our order! The other magical girls won't tolerate such treachery." And her fairy partner would have an aneurysm.

"You haven't told them about Seina yet, have you? After your first fight with Seina, we'd assumed you'd returned home."

"No, but Nier went to Starlight Dream to gather more info about Seina's weird powers. She shouldn't be that powerful. He might have told someone." Takako sighed. "I suppose it doesn't matter, regardless. My report about this universe is super late. They're bound to send someone." They tolerated Takako's laziness, but only to a point.

Aiko clapped her hands together. "That's no big deal. Together with Seina, I'm sure you'll make an unstoppable team!"

"I'm only a lowly grunt. You have no idea how powerful the Devil Princesses and their minions are." Wait, had she just resigned herself to betraying Starlight Dream?

No, I suppose I don't want to go back. They're a bunch of jerks, anyway.

"Can you teach Seina how to better use her abilities? She's been trying to learn magic, but it hasn't really worked out."

"Maybe? I'm surprised she hadn't already. Normally, magic comes intuitively to magical girls. She has her weapon already. It should be enough." Another oddity about Seina. What the hell was she, anyway?

"It's something, I suppose. But we can worry about that later." A mischievous smile appeared on Aiko's face. "In the meantime, how about we go shopping as we planned? I really want to see that trendy place I mentioned earlier. And I have a fantastic idea to help you get back into Seina's good graces."

Takako blinked. "Really?"

"We'll get her a cute purse. It will be a great makeup present."

"Okay." Takako shrugged and quickly finished her bento box. "I'm actually in the mood for some shopping." Even if she bought nothing, Takako loved trying on cool outfits. Besides, it would be fun to go out shopping with someone. Nier hated doing it and whined about every single time.

Aiko beamed, grabbing Takako by the hand. The girls giggled as they ran towards the shopping district. Takako's heart felt lighter than it ever had in several centuries.

"Yo, we're back!" Aiko waved as they entered the training dojo, her hands full of bags.

It had taken several hours, but they'd found several outfits Aiko was certain Seina would love. After their shopping session, they'd gone back to Aiko's house, and Takako had spent the night over. Aiko's parents had been very kind, treating Takako like a second daughter. It surprised the magical girl how much she'd missed having an adult fret over her. Plus, Takako was beyond grateful she didn't need to spend the night on the street. Aiko's parents were happy to have her sleep over anytime. It gave her a home base while she considered things.

Takako still wasn't certain she wanted to turn against Starlight Dream and the Devil Princesses. It was an insane risk. Yet she couldn't stand the thought of anyone hurting Aiko. She'd at least train with Seina for the time being and get stronger. Their fight had reminded Takako how far she still needed to go.

"Oh, so you brought her." Mr. Kiyojiro said, scowling when he spotted Takako.

"Uh, hi." Seina gave Takako an awkward wave, not eager to see the dark magical girl, either. Colten watched the unwanted newcomer with suspicion.

"We brought gifts!" Aiko said, beaming, and pushed bags into Takako's hands.

"What?" Takako suddenly became self-conscious. Aiko wanted her to present the gifts to Seina? Her friend gave an encouraging smile, and Takako steeled her nerves. Here goes nothing.

"Here, I got you these," Takako said, voice stiff. "I'm sorry for what happened. It was wrong for me to betray your trust like that."

Seina accepted the offering, peering into the bags. Colten joined her, peering over her shoulder. The girl's face brightened when she lifted the purse out.

"It's so cute! Thank you!" The purse had stitchings of lotus blossoms sewn onto its side. It had taken many shops to find it.

"There's more in there, too. We found you this sundress you're sure to love!" Aiko gave a wink.

"Huh." Seina peered deeper into the bags.

"Do you really expect a purse and a few dresses will make up for your past transgressions?" Mr. Kiyojiro gave Takako the stink eye.

"Yes, actually. Stay out of this. These are girl matters!" Aiko said, matching the bodyguard's glare.

"It's a start, at least," Seina said.

"It's not bad." Colten gave Takako an encouraging smile, accepting the apology.

"Don't expect me to help you fight against other magical girls," Takako said, trying to regain her cool factor. She couldn't allow her rival to see her as going soft. "But we aren't enemies anymore either."

"Everything is mended!" Aiko nodded in satisfaction. "Now you can train together again."

"Uh, actually." Seina rubbed the back of her neck, embarrassed.

"Yeah, I'm Seina's new training partner!" A giant brute with a mohawk walked into the gym. "The name's Masato Shibata."

"What?" Takako said, baffled. Wasn't this one of Lotus Butcher's goons? The memory of the fake magical girl still caused her to stutter in horror.

"We couldn't find anyone else." Mr. Kiyojiro didn't seem pleased by the idea either. "Some vampire was threatening girls to not train with Seina, and they're too scared to argue."

"Don't worry, sensei. With my Fist of the Scorpio, Seina skills will be unstoppable!" Masato smacked the bodyguard across the back, earning a further glare from him.

"No, we're sticking with karate." Mr. Kiyojiro replied without compromise. "Besides, you literally only know one move."

Masato coughed into his fist. "Well, they kicked me out before I could learn much else. But I've supplemented it with my own self-taught techniques."

"Your useless self-taught techniques you mean." Mr. Kiyojiro shot back.

"Now, let's not fight," Seina said, trying to avoid a bigger argument. "We're glad to have him, regardless." Though this was an obvious lie.

"I'll prove my worth, you'll see," Masato said.

"Hey, what about me?!" Takako said, unable to hold back her frustration any longer. They'd replaced her with this lug?! It was beyond an insult!

"You've lost your right." Mr. Kiyojiro said, crossing his arms. "I don't see any reason why I should train you any longer."

"Give her another chance!" Aiko's glare intensified.

"No, I'm not changing my mind on this." Mr. Kiyojiro said, refusing to budge.

"Forget it! I don't need these guys!" Takako stormed out of the room. It twisted her insides when Seina didn't move to stop her. Only Aiko loyally stood by her side.

"Damnit!" Takako kicked a trash can, which made a satisfying thud when it crashed to the ground.

"Those two." Aiko rubbed the bridge of her nose. "I can't believe how uncompromising Mr. Kiyojiro is! The jerk!"

Takako's entire body sagged. "I guess they don't want me around."

Behind them, someone coughed. It was Seina. "He means well, but Mr. Kiyojiro is hard headed sometimes. So, uh, sorry. That could have gone better."

Seina fidgeted on her feet before gaining the courage to speak again. "I really enjoyed the time we trained together. I won't mind continuing our training, but it won't be full-time or anything. Though, I'm not sure I'd be a great teacher."

"Seina." Takako said, lost for words.

Aiko beamed, glad her two friends were mending their differences. She suddenly turned thoughtful. "Actually, I have a better idea!" The two girls gave her an expectant look.

"How about Takako finds her own master? Then you two can spar in your free time. It's a great way to hone your skills. Besides, karate doesn't really suit Takako, anyway."

"You're a genius!" Besides, Takako had hated training under Mr. Kiyojiro, not liking the subtle disapproval he radiated whenever she was around.

Seina nodded in approval. "We can meet together in one month's time and spar to see what we've learned! Without powers, of course."

"I'll be there!" Takako would beat Seina, but in her own style.

While she hadn't become friends with Seina, Takako valued their rivalry. It brought some excitement to her usually dull magical girl life. They extended their hands and shook on it with Aiko's hand sitting on top of it. Takako couldn't wait for next month.

Still, it offered a burning question Takako hadn't considered until now. Where would she find a new martial arts master in a ravaged world barely recovering from the vampire's evil reign?

When she asked Aiko about this, the girl only smirked. "Don't worry. I have plenty of contacts. They'll find you something."

"Okay," While still unconvinced, Takako wouldn't argue the point. Her upcoming battle with Seina sparked a fire within her, and she was eager to see what awaited her down this strange new path.

[dragonleesupporter]

The Loudest Firework

 AN: I’m SO sorry for making this so late. This was supposed to be done before the new years. Life’s been really kicking my a- ANYWAY Hope yall enjoy!

             A sequel to this one:  Checking It Twice

             Ships: Intrulogical

             WARNING: Remus, tickling, touch starvation, cursing and abusive Deceit

             The duke was pouting. Not because he was bored, or because he didn’t get his way… he was just confused. As the chaos entity within Thomas, he loved causing confusion, but experiencing it himself? Ugh. Pass.

             Logan had given him a gift for Christmas, but when the following days had come around, he had done nothing for or with Remus, scrambling his thoughts in the process. Logan liked to keep things consistent, so why was he just back to normal now? Did he change his mind? Or was it actually him who gave him the present? Yet, Logan would be the only one with enough specified categorizing to give him something so delightfully his style. The duke’s mind started racing, even more than usual. Had he wrapped the present for himself after all and just not remembered it? But what about Logan’s face that morning?? How insane was he becoming???

             It was now New Years, and Remus felt like he was truly losing it. He sat on the couch, scratching his chin as his eyes twitched.

             “Why the figuratively long face, Remus?” A calm voice started the green side from behind as he spun around.

             Logan.

             The cause of his confusion.

             Remus’s pout morphed into a snarl.

             “What do you want?” He snapped, nose wrinkled.

             “Answer my question first and there’s an increase in probability I’ll tell you.” The teacher grinned slightly.

             That SAME SLY GRIN! The same one he wore Christmas Morning! Remus’s eyes widened.

             “Oh, I don’t know Logan, why IS my face so long?” He grabbed the bottom of his jaw, stretching it out.

             “I said figuratively…” Logan massaged his forehead. “No matter, I shall answer your question. I want to see you happy.”

             Remus had to slap himself. “Excuse me, what???”

             Logan blinked. “Did I stutter?”

             “I-I… n-n-n-no???” Remus looked up at him with eyes of constant changing dilation. Logan had to resist chuckling at his utter dumbfounded expression.

             “It’s not all that hard to understand.” He offered, recognizing the look of panic crossing the poor duke’s face.

             “Yeah, I know WHAT it is, you enema! I’m trying to figure out the WHY!” His eyes flared red around the edges.

             “Sit down, and I’ll tell you.” The blue side offered.

             “Hmph.” Remus sat as the teacher instructed, and waited for his overly complicated, boring explanation that would most likely only raise more questions or cause the master of chaos to fall asleep.

             But instead of walking in front of him to teach him something or criticize something, Logan squeezed his way between Remus and the couch. The duke was about to ask what the fuck Logan was doing, when his breath got caught in his throat. Fingers were digging into his screwed-up back with the most impressing precision. He couldn’t help the loud moan that came from him.

             Logan twitched irritably, convinced Remus had made that noise as some sort of joke, but when he leaned to stare at his face, Remus’s expression told otherwise. Eyes rolled up toward the ceiling, jaw slack.

             He had not felt the touch of any of the other sides for years… The only faint memories he had of such a warmth and comfort was when from the times he and Roman were one side many, MANY years ago. After the split, he had only himself and the other dark sides… Which, in some twisted way, made him thankful for the times Dee hit him, because even though it was a slap or a punch, it was touch… and it hurt so good…

           But this?!

             Logan wrapped his arms around Remus to stable him, convinced he’d fall over otherwise. The poor duke was shivering and whimpering, turning to goo at Logan’s touch.

             “Am I overwhelming you?” He asked sincerely, starting to pull away.

             Remus’s top half snapped as he twisted his chest, arms and head 180 degrees to face him and grab at him. “No!” His eyes glistened with more tears that would soon add to the multiple tear streaks already on his face. “Don’t!” His green eyes were bright with his pupils pin pricks of desperation.

             There was that terrible expression again, except this time, it was worse. The tears active, the wide-open eyes and brows pressing harshly into the tops of his irises… but most of all, that sad frown accompanied by gritted teeth of grief.

             “Please, don’t let go!” Remus’s eyes popped out of his skull in agony and fear, his voice sounding completely different now.

 Logan couldn’t help but stare, shocked, at what he could only describe as Remus’s true self. Broken and desperate. No bravado or pride in his work… just a lonely side with a craving for touch that hadn’t been satisfied in years.

             Logan wanted to wipe off that pathetic look on is face so badly as the duke blinked rapidly, more tears spilling as silence pierced him. Dee always used to give the duke the silent treatment, and if he didn’t respond with ‘yes’ and kept quiet… it usually meant… no.

             Remus started sniffling, Logan’s shocked expression sinking in as he made the connection that he probably just ruined any chance he had at getting more of that touch. He gave in, letting Logan go and sobbing into his hands.

             The teacher couldn’t stand it. The expression, the shivers and now that AWEFUL sound coming from the duke as he wept like a slapped child. He rushed forward, hugging him fully despite his body being twisted around.

             Remus gasped and hugged him back tightly, face utterly drenched as he begged.

             Touch��� touch, it felt so good.

             “More… more…” He choked out, whimpering, rubbing his head against Logan’s shoulder as relief flooded his senses, soaking Logan’s shirt in the process from a never-ending stream of tears.

             The dark blue side had never taken into account just how cold Remus’s body was. The teacher breathed deeply, holding the duke tightly as he slowly rocked them in their hold, letting his warmth spread to Remus’s deprived, starving form.

             GOD, it felt so good it almost burned!

             He sighed again and again as the waves of warmth fed him and filled him up. Making his barren heart full once again since god knows how long! When Logan turned to look at him, the duke was drooling slightly, eyes wide- almost drunk from the warmth and touch. His eyes sparkled, and his face owned a tiny precious smile, all for Logan.

             Was it selfish to want to keep that smile all to himself? To hold it in his memory away from the others forever? Logan didn’t care at this point, this emotion felt too precious and fragile to give away just yet as he stared at Remus’s melting posture.

             “Are you happy now?” He asked, smile smug.

             “Gaaaahhh…” Remus couldn’t even speak, but nodded light-headedly, his heart beating harder the longer he stared at Logan. Eventually, it proved to be all too much for the poor master of chaos as he passed out in Logan’s arms, his heartbeat nearly showing through his chest.

 ***

           “Jeez, where’s Logan and Remus? They’re gonna miss the countdown!” Roman searched through the house, looking for the teacher and his brother. He knew Logan wasn’t a big fan of jumping or shouting when it became a new year, saying something about it just being the inevitable passing of time, but his brother was also missing, which was strange. Remus wouldn’t dare miss out on an opportunity to be loud! So, where was he?!

             “Looooogaaaan! Reeeemuuuus!” He called repeatedly throughout the mindscape, panicking as he realized New Years was now only 10 minutes away.

             “Sh!” Logan poked his head out of his room and briefly hushed Roman before ducking back inside.

             “Logan! What are y-“

             “Sh!” Roman staggered back a few steps, surprised as Logan hushed a second time. He slowly walked into the logical sides room and had to rub his eyes a few times to process what lay before him.

             Remus was sprawled out on Logan’s bed, every limb seeming to melt into the cushions. His expression contained a large genuine smile, and peacefully shut eyes as he breathed out little sighs of pure happiness.

             “Which drug is he on?!” He whisper-screamed to Logan, who had to hold back a chuckle.

             “None…” Logan smiled tenderly as Roman looked between his brother and the teacher. His eyes narrowed in realization.

             That smile on Logan’s face… Remus’s relaxed posture… The look in the teacher’s eyes…

             “You… and him? Logan, are you serious?” Roman whispered, eyes scanning Logan’s expression carefully, to make sure this wasn’t some sort of joke.

             Logan just nodded his head. “How do you suppose we wake him up?” He murmured, gliding a hand along Remus’s arms which caused the green side to shiver in his sleep.

             Roman opened and closed his mouth, sentence fragments almost spilling from his lips, but not quite, utter shock making him freeze in place as Logan’s hand wandered under Remus’s chin and a scratched a little.

             The duke giggled, face turning slightly pink. Logan got an idea. Moving his hands and arms like snakes, he wiggled his fingers gently against the green sides neck.

             The duke’s giggles got a little louder, his shoulder’s scrunching up to protect himself from the tickles.

             “Care to join me, Roman?” The logical side looked at the prince, who was visibly excited, shaking in place.

             “Oh god, it’s been years since I’ve gotten to do this…” His excited puppydog smile melted into a sly smirk. “I forgot about all the tickle fights we once got into… You know one place that drives him crazy?”

             Logan raised an eyebrow, also smirking now. “Even more so than his usual crazy?”

             Roman gently lowered his hands to Remus’s legs, nodding. He lifted one up and rolled up his pant leg. Logan did the same to the other side, watching with intrigue and copying every one of Roman’s movements on his side.

             The red side suddenly dug his fingers into the back of Remus’s knee, causing the master of chaos to wake up screaming and cackling.

             “AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! STOHOHOHOHOHOHOP THAHAHAHAHAHAT!” Remus kicked his leg wildly as if it were electrocuted. “BROHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!” His maniac cackling sounded slightly different to Logan, still slightly sweeter and… cuter than his normal set of chaotic laughing.

             Logan wanted to hear more of it, so, with a smirk, he dug his hand into the leg he was holding, copying Roman’s techniques.

             “PAAAAHAHAHAHAHA! NOTYOUTOOSTAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAP!! PLEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHASE!!!! LOHOHOHOHOHOGYHYYHYHYHYHY!!!” Remus shrieked, wiggling, trying to get away from the maddening sensation, face fire-engine red with tears starting to leak down his face.

             Logan stopped at that, not just because of the desperate pleas but…

             “Wow, did he just call you a cute pet name? Pleadingly?” Roman teased, wiggling his eyebrows.

             Logan rolled his eyes, but couldn’t blame Roman. “I think that’s enough… don’t you?”

             “Awww, please? Just a little more?” Roman whined, dinging a single finger into a special spot in the center of the knee, making poor Remus scream.

             “Roman, he’s crying. Stop.” Roman looked up in surprise at Logan’s low, protective voice.

             Remus sat up, panting and still giggling, trying desperately to rub away the explosive tingles still behind his knees.

             “Bro, it’s almost time for the countdown…” Roman chuckled and cooed teasingly.

             “O-Okay…” He got up shakily and was immediately supported by Logan, who helped carry the giggly duke to the balcony where the others were waiting for the countdown to see the fireworks.

             Remus whined at the touch Logan was giving him, and was slightly scared he was still dreaming… As he thought this, the teacher wrapped his arms around him yet again, sending shivers up his spine.

             The others started chanting… “10! 9! 8! 7! 6!” Logan inched his face closer to the duke’s, eyes shining with galaxies in them with a small gentle smile. The green side’s mind froze.

             No… he wouldn’t… would he?

             “5! 4! 3! 2! 1!” The rest of the ‘Happy New Year’ chant was suddenly forgotten by the duke as he entered another world, Logan pressing his lips passionately to his own. His pupils shrunk to microscopic size before widening so much his eyes was nothing but pupil. He clung to him, pulling him closer to himself as he kissed back, eyes squeezed shut with tears of happiness leaking, face flushed an even deeper shade than his brother’s sash.

             Logan pulled away, much to the dismay of the other, who could’ve sit there kissing him forever, but what came next only made his heart rate triple.

           “I love you, Remus.” Logan’s eyes went from tender to panicked as Remus shook madly in place, sparks flying off of him as his pupils became invisible to the human eye, a noise close to something like a kettle whistle coming from him.

             “Oh shit, what did you do?!” Roman turned to look at the teacher, eyes flashing in worry.

             “I-I…” The dark blue side stuttered, not being able to form a sentence in his panic, thinking he broke the master of chaos.

             Remus lifted one foot and stamped the ground hard, sending his glowing form shooting high into the air, until he was nothing but a spec in the sky, he suddenly burst into a giant green firework in the shape of a heart. Logan looked around in the sky desperately just to find that the duke was lying on the ground, giggling with a hand pressed to his mouth.

             “ Heeheeheehee… I-I love you too, Logy…”

@bexxbeauty  @cefsticklestoo @thestarswelcomemewithopenarms 

@did-he-just-hiss-at-me @all-my-fandoms-are-killing-me @ollyollyoxinfree

@cooliofooliosanders 

[for-ests]

To Make You Come Home- Colin Ritman x Reader

Part 1

Word count: 3,802

Sorry for the long wait and the spacing. I didn’t plan on part 2 being this long :’)) I hope you enjoy!!

________________________

He didn’t care. He never did.

That’s all you could think about as you sprinted down the road. It was so late in the night that not a single soul was out. All you could hear was the sound of your sneakers scuffing against the pavement.

If he really cared about me he would be here right now. If he loved me, he would have put forth the effort I have.

The streetlights were a haze in your vision as you ran until the weight of your bag felt like a hundred pounds.

Why does Colin make himself so hard to love?

Just the thought of cutting him completely out of your life was enough to cause your tears to overflow. Your sniffles turned into sobs within seconds, overtaking your senses so quickly that you had to stop running.

Colin… Colin, why? Why do you have to make me feel like this?

You wanted to scream as loud as you could. There was so much anger building up inside of you and you didn't know how to let out. You just needed to get away. You needed to breathe. Yet being alone felt odd. Wanting a break from Colin was something you had never craved before.

Why do I let him treat me like this?

Why did love have to be so complicated? You wanted to be alone yet you could barely stand the idea of not laying in bed next to him. If only he had decided to go to sleep with you that night. If only he had listened to your advice. If only he didn’t rely on drugs for release. If only.

You came to a stop at the realization. This entire time you had been trying to change him. For the better, yes indeed. But he wasn’t ready for change. He wasn’t ready to grow up and cherish the love you were willing to give him.

And if he wasn’t ready, 3 years was already too long to wait. You always had time, but it was never going to go to waste.

"I'll be okay." You promised to yourself, lip quivering with each prayer that you uttered. No matter what was going to happen, you would get through it. With or without Colin by your side. The relationship was in his hands now. One more tear slipped from your eye when you realized you had done all you could.

Your heart seemed to shatter at that realization. All you could do was sit and wait for him to make up his mind. It felt like you had broken up, but you couldn’t help and hold on tightly to that last string of hope.

You had wanted to feel something real; you wanted something more. You wanted someone to depend on you, to crave and cherish you. But you always seemed to let the wrong man do so. Someone who didn't even deserve an ounce of the love you had to give.

You thought that man could have been Colin. There were so many great qualities about him, yet his deep rooted issues always stood in the way. You noticed his problems when you were friends, yet had to deal with them as a couple.

In your eyes, the man you wanted to be with was never supposed to be perfect. You just needed to see him strive to change. The fights you always had with him were easily preventable yet it never changed. He could fix his problems if he wanted to. He could get some sleep. He could stop drinking in excess. He could stop lying. He could treat you better.

And now you had finally had enough. You would not let Colin bring you down with him, as selfish as that sounded. But you had already been trying for 3 years. If the sign that he wouldn’t run after you wasn’t enough, you didn’t know what was. You could not fix him.

And that was the biggest, most important lesson you learned from this.

Some people aren't meant to be fixed.

Tears started to well in the corners of your eyes. Sometimes the truth really was harder to face. It hurt to know your efforts to form an unbreakable bond with him crumbled right in front of you. But you couldn’t go on like this any longer. You could not watch Colin destroy himself. The promises he whispered in your ear had become devoid of all meaning. They were almost as empty as you.

Despite his faults, you loved him. You loved him more than anything- yet you had to be strong for yourself. Everything you thought was contradicting.

Though you tried desperately to deny it, you could not continue on like this. "I need to move on.” Your brain tried to reason with your heart.

Yet uttering those words did not change a thing. You were still confused, still hurt beyond explanation. You were so angry and tired, in dire need of someone who was willing to calm you down. The last thing you could do was walk back into the apartment you and Colin shared. You were so frustrated that you would rather sleep outside.

And with that, you reached your childhood best friend Stefan’s door with a heavy heart.

Coming around the street corner so early in the morning was strange. There wasn’t another sound to be heard. The silence was eerie, as if it was trying to remind you that you were alone.

Somewhat ashamed, you walked up the concrete steps to Stefan’s front door. You were surprised you had even made it there, with how dazed and confused you had become. Your mind was racing a hundred miles a minute. Would he even take you in? Was he even home?

Your finger hovered over the doorbell. You paused, half of you wishing Colin had followed you. You absolutely hated bothering people like this. Stefan probably wouldn’t mind, but your worry stemmed from your own anxiety of becoming a burden.

Ding.

You waited anxiously. It was not too late to turn back.

Yet before you could think about another alternative, Stefan appeared behind the glass. A surprised look was on his face.

“Y/N?” He rubbed his eyes, voice muffled behind the door until he unlocked it and ushered you inside.

“I'm sorry Stefan...” You half smiled, swaying the duffel bag around your torso. “Is there anyway I can crash on your couch for tonight?” You tried to ask without showing any indications of how heartbroken you were.

But he could see right through you, aside from the fact that you had shown up at 3am.

“Colin let you walk away huh?”

“I think we are done this time...” You bit your lip to hold back the tears. “I can’t watch him spiral like this. He won’t take my advice. And as far as I’m concerned, I have been enabling him to take the drugs. He can’t function without them anymore. We don’t talk.. Haven't done anything special in two weeks...” You looked up to meet Stefan’s eyes, and was surprised to find them filled with sadness and compassion.

“You don’t need to say anything more, Y/N.” Stefan took your bag from you and gestured for you to follow him to his bedroom. His hair was disheveled from what was once a deep sleep. For the most part he was awake, giving you his full attention.

“The couch is fine.” You smiled weakly, not wanting to ruin his entire night. Stefan was far too kind.

“You already know what I'm going to say.” He rolled his eyes, moving aside papers and books to set your bag on his desk chair. You hadn’t been over for a couple weeks and a lot had changed since then. Stefan was also working on a similar project, and he was still sane. At least you thought… At least Stefan talked to you about his problems. That topic had remained constant in your friendship.

“Thanks,” You laughed through your nose. “for real.”

“Colin may be a coworker and friend, but I’ve known you since we were children.” He crossed his arms and looked around. “I’m sorry for the mess though… Is there anything else I can get you before I go back asleep?”

“No,” You smiled genuinely. You wondered if Stefan could see the obvious indications of crying that littered your face. If he did, he remained quiet. He had known you long enough to wait until you were ready. The pain was still fresh. “Not till the morning.” You finished.

“I'll be here when you wake. We can talk then.”

He closed the door. You listened to his bare feet creak against the hardwood until you were sure he was out of hearing range. You felt like crying, but part of you was too angry to produce any tears. You tried to avoid the resentment creeping into your mind. Relationships were never a waste of time until the end, when you realize everything you had put into it was unappreciated. Years of your life gone. If you somehow couldn’t work it through with Colin, your happiness would become a painful memory. All the traits you had learned about him would eventually fade. Everything you had been through would never be spoken about again.

You weren’t ready for that.

Sighing to avoid more tears, you took off your shoes and set them quietly under Stefan’s bed. You knew a couple hours of sleep would relieve some of the stress.

Stefan’s home was a great place to take your mind off Colin. He was a part of your life that was filled with continuous joy. He even had a few pictures of you from your earlier years taped on his wall. Glancing at them caused a smile to spread across your face. The two of you were so young then, and now you were reaching adulthood.

Stefan’s room was so plain back then. Now, the walls were decorated with projects, diagrams and posters. Piles of books and software littered every possible open surface in the cramped room.

Looking at them put you at peace. And eventually, you wrapped yourself in a blanket and drifted into a relaxed, stress free slumber.

___

The morning came sooner than you wanted. The room was still pitch black because of the blinds, which made it ten times harder to wake up fully. Groaning, you stretched and climbed out of bed. The clock read 10:30am.

You emerged from the bedroom and found Stefan up in the kitchen. He smiled at you, gesturing to the eggs and toast he was preparing.

“You didn’t have to do that.” You chuckled.

The lanky boy shrugged nonchalantly. “I know, but you would do the same for me.”

You pulled out a chair at the breakfast bar and laid your head in your hands, rubbing your eyes from discomfort. Your mind was still racing, trying to piece together some sort of plan on how you were going to figure your life out. You couldn’t just bail on Colin, You shared an apartment. You shared everything...What were you going to do? You would have to find your own place closer to the university. You could possibly find one of your girlfriends to live with for a couple week. Yet your pride wouldn't have it. You hated relying on other people so heavily like that. Colin had been the only person to see that side of you for quite some time.

“Y/N?” Stefan’s voice finally hit you like a slap in the face. You hadn’t noticed he had been calling your name.

“What? Sorry.” You mumbled.

“What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know.” A sigh escaped your lips. You wished more than anything for something else to fill your mind. “I’d rather talk about you. How’s the game going?”

“Don’t give me that.” He laughed while shaking his head. “You need to go back to Colin’s and figure your shit out.”

You were silent. You knew Stefan was right but you craved recognition from Colin. You wanted him to come to you. You were sick of being the one who initiated to sort through your problems. You wanted Colin to be a man and ask you to stay. Immature and irrational, yes, but still. You could not help the way you felt. Why were you the one obligated to figure things out?

You lowered your gaze, ashamed. “It’s always me.”

It took Stefan a moment to process what you meant. When it hit him, he raised his eyebrows. “You want him to come to you?”

You slowly nodded, your answer as faint as it could be. “I’m sorry Stefan. I’m being an idiot. I’m just so… angry.”

Stefan pulled out the chair next to you and took a seat. “You don’t need to be sorry about anything.”

You felt tears prickling at your eyelids. You loathed being this vulnerable.

“Why don’t I drive you back over there so you can pick up your things. You can try to talk to him.” Stefan lowered his head into your view until you were forced to look at him. “See what he has to say. But after that, I can always take you back.”

You sniffled. “I-I can do that.”

Not another moment passed before you gathered your composure. You reached over and grabbed the telephone from off the wall and dialed your phone number. Your hands were on the verge of shaking from how terrified you had become. What the hell were you going to say? The phone rang three times before Colin’s raspy voice echoed on the other side.

“Hello?”

“Are you at the flat?” You asked, keeping your voice as steady as possible.

“Yeah.” He replied softly, recognizing your voice in an instant.

“I'll be over soon.” You clutched the phone so hard your fingers turned white. You heard him taking a breath but were too nervous to hear what he had to say. You slammed the phone against the receiver before you heard another word.

___

Arriving at your apartment should not have been this difficult. You swallowed hard as you unbuckled your seat belt. Maybe it was too soon to come back, but you were an impatient person. You would have to come back regardless.

“I’ll be here.” Stefan gave you an encouraging smile.

You reciprocated his actions, even as your heart began to beat so fast you could barely hear what he said. You closed the car door with a click and clutched the keys in your hand. Here went nothing.

Entering the lobby and riding the elevator seemed like a fever dream. This building had been your home for over a year, yet you felt like an alien in it. No matter how long you had been with Colin, it was his. This was his home first. And depending on what happens when you enter the room, it will be his home last.

Even staring at the front door, decorated with pictures and signs you had placed there, wasn’t enough to make you feel welcome. You were most likely scaring yourself, but it was you form of preparation. You couldn't face another disappointment. You did not want to expect a smile on his face and be greeted with a frown.

Shaking your head to disperse the thoughts, you took a deep breath and knocked. At the sound, you heard shuffling from inside. As if he had been intentionally waiting beside it, Colin pulled the door open.

Your mouth parted in surprise.

The bags under his eyes had worsened. It seemed like he hadn’t gotten a wink of sleep.

“Y/N-” He started, too choked up to say anything coherent. You had the feeling he wanted to reach out for you by the way he stumbled. You watched that thought leave his eyes at the sight of you standing as still as a statue.

“Where’s your mind at?” You shifted awkwardly on your feet. Normally, you would be all too willing to fall back into his arms. But if that were to happen, the cycle would go on repeating itself. That's not the life you wanted for yourself, and it was certainly not the life you wanted for Colin. If you couldn’t be the one by his side, hopefully someone else could.

“What do you mean where’s my mind at?” He blinked in confusion, one hand gripping the door and the other gripping the wooden frame. You watched his muscles tense.

You met his eyes. “Did you think I was going to come back and pretend everything was okay?”

“I hoped.”

“Because you're ashamed?” The accusation left your lips out of anger and frustration. “And you’re not big enough of a man to admit it?”

“I have nothing to be ashamed about.” He swallowed, now unable to meet your eyes.

“You're addicted, Colin.” You bit your lip. “I can’t be with someone like this.”

“I’m not-”

“-You are. And I’ve let it slide for too long. You can’t function sober.”

Colin was silent. He knew he had a problem. The hurt in your tone was evident enough. He had neglected you long enough.

“All you had to do was ask for help. Before any of this spiraled. I was there for you.”

You saw panic flash across his face even though he was trying to hide it. “Was?”

“I can’t.” You gestured frantically between the two of you. There was barely a gap, but it felt like miles. “I can’t keep going on like this.”

“Like what?” He whispered.

“Being ignored. Watching you fall apart. You pushing me away. You never wanting to do anything. You smoke every night, and you push your work off until you have to cram it all into one night. And then you can't even do it! You need to take a tab. I’m sick of it. Your sleep schedule is so fucked up I can't remember the last time you held me in that bed.”

He knew he had no justifiable excuse. He had fucked up.

“I love you, Y/N.” His shoulders relaxed. “I don’t understand why that isn’t enough.”

“How am I supposed to know you love me when you never show it?” You raised your voice, surprised at the weakness of his rational. “I should be able to feel your love.”

Your words were a challenge. After the years you had spent together, Colin was able to decipher your language.

You were growing distraught. Was he even listening to you? You wanted to kiss him so badly, to run your fingers along his face in a caressing touch. You wanted to move on like nothing ever happened but your heart couldn’t go through it again. There needed to be a change. And he had to make his decision now.

“You’re right.” He breathed, tension pulling harder and harder at the both of you. “I feel like you despise me. I don’t know how to make it right.”

His confession took you by surprise. Colin was never not confident, he never shied away from taking control of every situation. When he walked into the room, all eyes were always on him. You knew he was under an immense amount of stress and pressure because of it. But now it had taken a toll on your relationship.

“I’m not used to this… not knowing what to do.”

“You should be able to take comfort in the fact that I'm here for you. I should know things about you that no one else does.” You met his eyes again. “I thought you would have learned this of being together for 3 years.”

“Take comfort in the fact that no one has heard me say that before.” He opened the door wider, as an invitation. “You’re the only woman I need.”

Still upset, that comment made the corners of your lips curve slightly.

He was vulnerable for what seemed like the first time. That was a step in the right direction, a promising one. Now he knew you were serious. You wouldn’t tolerate his childish behavior any longer. You wanted something more with him, and he was going to have to work for it.

Even though Colin was sure you still wanted to scream at him, you held yourself with so much composure. It made his heart race. You looked beautiful just as you were, even when your eyes were red and your nose stuffy. He only wished he hadn’t caused it.

“I love you.” Colin repeated with glossy eyes.

And with that, you fell against him with a sob. His warmth enveloped you and you gripped onto him tight. The man you loved more than anything ushered you inside, hugging you just as tight in return.

“I can’t lose you, Y/N.” He whispered into your hair. “I’ll do what needs to be done.”

“I believe you.” You tilted your head up, staring deeply into his eyes. “My love for you is still strong. I love you, Colin. No matter what happens that will never change.”

You shared a long kiss, one that was filled with passion and desperation. The butterflies you had felt so many times before erupted back into a fury. He gripped your waist, begging for more.

You pulled back, hands caressing his jawline. “Later.”

“I need you, babe.”

You chuckled softly, burying your face into his chest. Colin knew what names to call you when he wanted something. Every time he did, he was able to see that familiar blush light up your cheeks.

“Let me go tell poor Stefan that everything is okay.”

“Is that where you stayed?”

“Where else would I have gone?”

He smiled. “You’re right. Let me come with you. I need to thank him.”

“Why?”

“Because I knew you didn’t have the courage to come back by yourself. He had some say in your decision, yeah?” His question was cheeky, followed by a nudge.

You rolled your eyes. “I would have come back eventually.”

“I know. I was just about to go find you when you called.” His joke turned into something more serious. “I was worried sick about you.”

“Did you sleep at all?”

“No.”

“Well I promise not to do that again. If you promise me that you’ll work at your habits. I’m only saying this because I care about you Colin.”

He took your small hands and kissed them softly. “I promise.”

[julienschuester]

KISS IT BETTER

WHO: @ivystjamess & @julienschuester WHERE: st. james residence WHEN: 10/08, evening WHAT: after a brutal tennis match between ivy and darcy that resulted in baby raine’s...beheading...julien goes to ivy’s to comfort her on his birthday.

JULIEN: When Ivy stormed out of glee club rehearsal after everything that had gone down between her and the Canaries, Julien wanted nothing more than to follow her out of the choir room and comfort her. He felt guilty about everything that had happened with Darcy and the last thing he wanted was for Ivy to be upset or worse…upset at him. But when Dan took the floor and announced that it was best to let Ivy cool off, Julien wilted. He stayed put in his seat and although he was pretty downtrodden through practice, he powered through it. Once it was over, Julien hitched a ride with Dan back to the Schuester residence where a birthday dinner was already made and presents were wrapped and ready to be exchanged. Julien put on a smile for his parents and siblings as he went through the motions of a traditional Schuester birthday celebration until finally, he was granted permission to be excused. He wanted to be more present and engaged during his little family party, but all he could think about was Ivy. How was she? Had she iced her bruises? Had the Canaries done more harm than she’d let on? He was spiraling in a mess of ‘what ifs’ and knew the only way his brain would calm was if he saw her.  Julien ran up the stairs to his bedroom and quickly changed into some casual grey sweatpants, his favorite hockey sweatshirt and his glasses. He was already half way out the door, ignoring his mom’s ’where are you going?’ when he realized he’d forgotten a hat. Oh well. Julien didn’t like driving a car that had the word cheater scrawled into the side, but these were desperate times. He got into the Schuester mobile, which now had fresh wheels thanks to Julien’s summer savings, and sped to Ivy’s in record time. He parked a couple of blocks away (just in case her parents were around) and lightly jogged the rest of the way to her house. He moved stealthily once he reached her yard, doing his best to avoid any light sensors as he made his way through the bushes towards Ivy’s window. Jackpot. There she was, hunched over her desk doing what Julien could only assume was homework. He took in the sight of her for a moment, heart racing as a goofy smile danced its way on to his lips. Even angry and pouty, Julien couldn’t get enough of that face. Don’t get distracted, he reminded himself. Right. He took a deep breath and braced himself for the physically demanding task that was scaling the side of her house and then he was off. He had done the climb a couple of times before and it got easier each time...but not easy enough. He made it to her window in minutes and once he reached it, he tapped twice before he started trying to pry it open himself. “You gotta let me in legs,” he whisper yelled, slightly straining to keep himself up, “it’s my birthday wish.”

IVY: Tonight now marked twice in a row that Julien had come to her house tapping on her window. If Come to my Window hadn't been an anthem for sapphics everywhere for the better part of the last 50 years, Ivy probably already would have been preparing an arrangement for her and Julien. Her heart just wasn't in it tonight. After the worst day in what was shaping up to be a horrible week, Ivy had no song in her heart. Not only was a duet arrangement out of the question, but so was social interaction. It was so cruel of fate to not only give her a baby to tend to after the summer she had, but it was crueler to have it taken from her, and cruelest for everything to have blown up on Julien's birthday. She had pinky promised him not to be mad at him on his birthday, which she totally broke during glee club earlier. That bummed her out even more. With some time and cooling down, to no one's surprise, Ivy wasn't angry. Just hurt. Hurt Darcy had masterfully pulled off a villainous scheme, hurt that none of her teammates seemed to care, and hurt that Julien couldn't step up to the plate and defend her. It was all too much. Joey had texted her a few times about arranging a funeral for Raine over the weekend, but she left him on read. Everything about this situation was tender and she just wasn't feeling like herself. She cashed in on skipping both glee and Grease rehearsal and went home almost instantly where she dove into trying to do her homework. It was a slow and strenuous effort. It felt like anytime she got a good pace going, something set off the tears. Whether it be the envelope with Julien's birthday present sitting pretty on her desk, moving her rapidly bruising body in the wrong way, or the eerie absence of Raine's oh-so-annoying cries, there always seemed to be something that triggered the waterworks. Luckily, when Julien asked to be let in, Ivy was about an hour past her last cry session. For a brief moment, she stared at him dubiously until he clarified it was a birthday wish. Shoot. She couldn’t turn down a birthday wish. Wincing slightly as she rose, Ivy moved to open her window and help Julien climb in. Once he was in safely, Ivy filled the silence with the soft sounds of her shutting her window, closing the curtains, locking both her doors, then putting on some music to mask their inevitable conversation. She gave room for Julien to begin first, but painfully aware of the fact he wasn’t the most articulate, she broke the ice by grabbing the holographic red envelope with Julien and an assortment of hearts scribbled onto it. It wasn’t Ivy’s best gift, but she was confident her boyfriend would be happy to attend a Blackhawks game. She held out the envelope with an almost somber, “Happy Birthday.” This was the extension of her olive branch. Just to be explicit though, she added, “Sorry for calling you a musical slut and a cheater and like all that stuff. I didn’t mean it. I was just like being stupid.” she murmured, wincing once again as she sat on the foot of her bed. “Are you gonna open it?”

JULIEN: For a split second, Julien thought Ivy wasn’t going to let him in. He was moments away from panicking and probably tumbling down to the ground when she finally moved from her seat and opened the window. Once Julien was on his feet inside her bedroom, he wiped the beads of sweat forming on his forehead from the physical exertion and pushed his glasses back up the bridge of his nose with his pointer finger. As he smoothed out his sweatshirt and caught his breath, Ivy moved around the room like a busy body, taking all the necessary precautions to make sure they weren’t caught by her parents or sister. His eyes followed her as she moved around the room. Ever since they had officially gotten together, Julien felt inexplicably more self-conscious about saying the right things. Maybe self-conscious wasn’t the right word…but he just wanted to make Ivy happy. Getting to this point in their relationship had been a long and dramatic road, so the last thing he wanted to do was mess it up by acting rashly or doing something dumb. So as he stood there, letting his bottom teeth graze his top lip as he performed mental gymnastics trying to figure out where to start, Ivy took the lead by sticking a red envelope in his general direction. “For me?” he asked, almost surprised by the gesture, “woooow.” Julien stared at the envelope in complete awe before he even looked at what was inside. Whatever it was, it was from Ivy. To him. It could’ve been a $2 bill and he would’ve been over the moon. Before he could open it, Ivy was apologizing for what had gone down earlier in the choir room. A warmth filled his chest as she took back all of the things she’d said. It was water under the bridge for him. “You don’t have to say sorry,” he assured her, glancing down at the envelope again, “I’m sorry—“ but before he could say it, she was asking him to open the gift. Okay, maybe his apology could wait. He somewhat carelessly ripped open the envelope (but not before admiring all the little hearts she’d drawn around his name on the back of it) and quickly removed the two tickets that were inside it. He stared at them, mouth agape, for a second too long as he slowly read over the words. Blackhawks vs. Blue Jackets. A genuinely touched smile tugged at the corners of his lips as he looked up at her. “Ivy,” he cooed, quite literally fighting the urge to dance in place by excitedly making his way to the foot of her bed and sitting next to her, “this is the best gift. Did you know I’ve never been to a Blackhawks game? You’re seriously the best, I love—“ a pause as he let out a bashful little laugh and cleared his throat, “I love it. I really love it. I can’t wait to ask the prettiest girl in school if she’ll go with me…” He turned to look at Ivy then, his eyes notably softening when it dawned on him how sad she still looked. He put the tickets back in the envelope and then placed it down on the bed before giving Ivy his undivided attention. “I’m really sorry, legs,” he started, gently reaching up and placing his hand on the side of her head to softly strum her cheek and her hair, “what happened to you today was…so messed up. The next time I see Darcy…” Julien wasn’t an angry person, but now that he’d had some time to process, even saying her name left a bad taste in his mouth, “I’m gonna give her a piece of my mind. You didn’t deserve that. And I’m…” it felt silly to say, but it needed to be said, “I’m sorry about Raine. I know he was just a robot baby, but still.” Julien was great with words when it came to group pep talks, but he notably struggled with being articulate in more intimate one on one conversations. “I’m just sorry,” he concluded, holding her gaze before letting his eyes assess the damage done to her by tennis balls. “I want to hug you or hold you or something but I don’t want to hurt you,” he admitted, clocking the welts on her arm. Looking around, he scooted back on her bed until he could lean back against her pillows. “Come here,” he urged her, opening his arms, “birthday wish.”

IVY: This birthday wish business was going to be the death of Ivy. It had landed Julien, cute as ever, in the center of her room. From the way he pushed up his glasses to the way his sweatshirt hung over his frame made it increasingly difficult for Ivy to feel as sad. Though, as much as she apologized and engaged in conversation, nothing could stuff those sad feelings back into her heart. Julien's response to her apology in addition to his own brief one had her feeling a little better. Despite that sadness lingering, Julien's smile when he opened the envelope to the tickets momentarily made this horrendous day feel entirely worth it. With his smile like Christmas Morning and his eyes like Fourth of July fireworks, Ivy was hardly thinking about apologies. The way Julien said her name made her heart pound desperately in her chest. She was glad he liked the tickets so much. As he sat beside her, definitely a little needy, Ivy grabbed hold of his arm and rested her head on his shoulder. Maybe had she not felt so off she would have been more vocal. That wasn't the case, so instead she sought comfort in Julien's touch and provided him with a soft "No, I didn't know you've never been, I just like assumed you would have by now." His 'I love--' resulted in Ivy lifting her head to look at him. Was he about to--? No. He loved the gift. A lot. Clearly. Maybe the tickets were a better gift than she had initially anticipated. Now looking at him, Ivy felt a warmth that enabled her to smile. "Hm, well I hope she says yes because I heard she's like totally cute in a hockey jersey." Ivy said very seriously. The burst of feel good energy faded quickly as Julien once again brought up the events of the day.  Still, she leaned into his touch and hummed softly at his claim he was going to give Darcy a piece of his mind. Ivy didn't entirely believe that, but didn't want to complain either. Her and Leo always fought when she brought up things like this that upset her. She didn't want to be dramatic and let the same happen with her and Julien. He was too special. Remaining quiet for a moment as she tried to find the right words, Ivy hummed to herself again.  "We really like, don't have to talk about it. Seriously. It's like so totally...yesterday's news." she insisted after inhaling sharply. She'd get over it. "Okay it like, doesn't even hurt that bad--" That lie was a little more obvious, but she wanted to be held regardless. Luckily, her boyfriend seemed to pick up on that as he adjusted his position and fully settled on her bed. Crawling up to him and curling into his side, Ivy's doting gaze inevitably fell on Julien, "So like, what do you want to do? Watch a movie?" she asked, then threw in a playful, "You only have fifteen more birthday wishes to cash in before midnight, Jules. Choose wisely."

JULIEN: Ivy wasn’t particularly good at hiding her emotions, so despite Julien not being the most intuitive person, he could see very clearly that she was in need of some tlc. From the way she stared up at him with those sad blue eyes to the way she clung to his arm and rested her head on his shoulder, it was obvious that the bad feelings from the day were lingering. Julien pushed aside his excitement over his birthday gift and decided right then and there that despite it being his birthday, Ivy would be tonight’s focus. That was why he’d come to her house after all. The two bantered briefly before Julien launched into his own apology but Ivy wasn’t having it. Julien always liked to talk through his feelings (mostly out of necessity because he never knew how exactly he felt about things), but his girlfriend didn’t seem to want the same so he wasn’t about to force her to talk about what happened. Maybe it was best not to dwell. “Okay, Titan Times,” Julien sighed out with a soft, closed-mouthed smile, “yesterday’s news then. Out of sight, out of mind.” And that was that. Next thing Julien knew, he was scooted all the way back on her bed with Ivy curled up cozily at his side. All was right in the world again. With one arm around her, Julien very gently circled a fresh bruise on her arm with all the caution in the world to not apply any pressure and cause her pain. Her question made him chuckle slightly as he tilted his chin downwards to look at her. “We could watch a movie,” he mused, insinuating that they could if she wanted to, “but I’d rather just talk to you.” At the mention of his whopping fifteen remaining birthday wishes, his expression changed like something dawned on him suddenly. “You wanna know what’s crazy?” he asked, brows raised, “I’ve been here for like ten minutes and you haven’t even kissed me once.” Julien clicked just tongue and shook his head disappointedly. “Kind of mean to do to the birthday boy if you think about it...” he sighed dramatically before playfully kissing the top of her head and hugging her towards him just a little tighter.

IVY: On top of all her other bad feelings about this wretched day, Ivy presently felt the worst about being so glum on Julien's birthday. He only turned seventeen once and the last thing she wanted was for this day to be shrouded in her own selfishness. Sure, it would be a struggle to let go of that overbearing feeling that she was right and he was wrong for not standing up for her in the choir room as is, but laying curled into his side soothed that burn. ( At lease, temporarily.) Fantasies of them at the Blackhawks game swirled in and out of her mind, but for the most part Ivy's focused remained on the gentle circling of his thumb around one of her numerous bruises and the comfort of his natural scent wafting into her nose. Beyond being talented and sweeter than she could ever be, Julien had a natural gift when it came to cheering her up. Ivy could only hope she provided him with that a sliver of reassurance he so easily gave her. That was beside the point though. As Julien confessed to preferring to speak with her over all else, a familiar thumping radiated throughout her chest as she smiled up at him with nothing but sheer adoration. "You're so sweet, I swear you're like giving me cavities." she teased, only for her own brows to quirk upward at his next comment. "a whole ten minutes?" Ivy repeated quietly as if she too were in shock. Now that all the upset glances and brooding sighs had passed, Ivy found herself warming up to their usual playful routine. Giggling at the dramatic sigh of Julien's own, Ivy propped herself up on her elbow, "Okay, well like, we definitely cannot have that on your birthday." she agreed before leaning down and granting him a quick peck. "You've got fourteen left, lover boy." She said, still gazing down fondly at him. Less desirable feelings from the day feeling more and more distant, Ivy drawled "Wanna like cash them in for more kisses or...?"  before closing the space between them once more. Ivy didn't need Julien to speak to know the answer was yes. So as she moved her lips against his own, she began to familiarize herself with the idea that if she were ending her night making out with Julien in her bed, maybe this day hadn't turned out so horrible after all.

AND SCENE.

[apriorisea]

BTS Imagine Series: Safety First, Pt 3

Yoongi x You ((Part 4))

There’s someone in my kitchen.     The thought zips through you and you sit straight up in your bed, your heart pounding. Your eyes are so swollen, it’s disorienting at first and your panic increases as you realize what you’re hearing is definitely the sound of someone moving around in your kitchen. The door. You rub your eyes, which only makes it worse, and fumble through the sheets to find your phone. The sounds get louder, and you realize whoever is in your apartment is coming down the hall towards your room. Feeling your breath catch in your chest, you finally find your phone; you pull it towards you and scramble out of the bed, looking around to find the best possible weapon, and open the first contact name that comes to mind.    You’re about to hit the “CALL” button, when the door swings open. The panic builds to a crescendo and then slowly leaks away as you recognize the person in the doorway: “Jin.”    “Hey!” He’s smiling, completely unaware of your current state of panic. The smile fades as he takes in your appearance. “Hey,” he repeats more softly, stepping towards you. “Are you okay? You look---”     The combined force of your terror and the events of the last night overwhelm you, and you choke on another round of tears. Dropping your phone to the bed---the screen still showing Yoongi’s name and picture---you reach out to take Jin’s proffered hand, clinging to it as you double over, winded by the fear and your tears.     “Whoa, hey---sit down.” He helps you back to the bed, then sits next to you. You’re shaking, your free arm wrapped across your stomach, the other still clinging to him.  “You poor thing,” he sighs. He puts his arm around your shoulders and pulls you against him, holding you tight to try to calm your tremors.     “I’m---I’m sorry,” you manage between tears. “You s-scared me.”     He hugs you a little tighter. “I’m sorry. I said I was coming with breakfast, remember?”     You nod against his shoulder and take a few deep breaths. “Thank--thank you.” You sit up a little. “I’m sorry. It’s just....it’s been a long....”     He squeezes your shoulders in a half-hug while you wipe at your face. “I know.” As he waits for you to compose yourself, he happens to see your phone lying abandoned on the bed.     As you calm down, you notice his attention. “Oh. I....”     “Have you talked to him?”     You shake your head mutely, staring at Yoongi’s face on your screen. A thousand words are flying across your mind, jumbling together as you try to focus on something, anything, but how much you miss him.     “Okay,” says Jin gently. “Let’s get you some breakfast, a shower, some tea, and a drama going. I think you need a nice relaxing day in, yeah?”     A few more tears spill down your face. “You don’t have to do this,” you whisper. “I know I don’t look like it, but I’m---I’m---” Nothing is fine.     “You are dying for some of my special pancakes, right?” he swoops in to save you. When you nod tiredly, he smiles, squeezes your shoulders, and then stands up. “Okay. Go splash some cold water on your face and meet me in the kitchen!”      You take his hand and get unsteadily to your feet. “Thank you.” -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When he wakes up, the first thing he notices is the absence of warmth at his side. Then he feels the pit in his stomach, the ache in his entire body, the worry. He opens his eyes and feels sick.     “Well good morning!” It’s Hoseok’s voice that greets him first.     He sits up slowly and takes in his surroundings. He’s still in his studio, but he’s not alone: Jimin’s still there, a drink carrier full of coffee in hand, and now Hoseok is sitting in Yoongi’s chair, looking impossibly cheerful for how dark the rest of the world was. He rubs a hand across his face. “Has anyone talked to her? Is she okay?”     Hoseok and Jimin exchange a look before the younger brother takes a small breath and comes to sit next to him on the couch. Smiling gently, he hands over one of the cups, waiting until his hyung takes it. “Jin-hyung went over there this morning. She---”     “She’s safe?”     “Yes.”     He nods and takes a deep breath. “How long is he going to be there?”     Hoseok is still smiling brightly. “Until our schedule starts at 10. Now. Let’s get some breakfast in you, yeah? Do you want to go---”     “No.” Holding tight to the coffee cup to hide his anxiety, he gets to his feet. “Thanks for the coffee, though.”     “You need to eat---”Jimin starts.     “I will.” Yoongi manages to add a genuine smile for both of his younger brothers before ushering Hoseok out of his seat. “Don’t worry about me.” What am I going to do when Jin leaves? Who can watch out for her? What if....“What schedule do you guys have today?”     Hoseok has gotten out of the swivel chair, but he’s still hovering nearby. “Same as you, I think, which is why we need to go get breakfast now before---”     “No, our schedules aren’t the same.” He takes a practiced sip of coffee to hide his disquiet. “They changed the group dance practice to tomorrow, remember? I’m in the studio all day today.”     The others exchange a look, but before they can say anything else, the door swings open and Taehyung strides in. “All right. What exactly happened?” he asks, sitting heavily on the couch and grabbing one of the cups of coffee.       “I---” Yoongi’s at a loss for words.       Taehyung nods like he’s won a bet. “It can’t be that bad. Have you called her yet today?” A mute shake of the head. “Why not?”       “She...She’s really upset with me.”       Hoseok’s smile fades for the first time. “You guys aren’t actually broken up...are you?”       Yoongi tugs at the hair just behind his ears. “It’s a long story.”      “We’ve got time,” Taehyung says, leaning back against the couch and sipping his coffee.       He exhales heavily, but immediately reconciles himself to the fact that the others were not going to leave until they heard the story. “We had a fight,” he begins slowly. “And things got intense and...”      “And you broke up?” Jimin’s staring at him with wide eyes.      “We didn’t---I didn’t mean to!” the words burst from him in frustration. “She was upset because I didn’t want her to walk home alone last night, and we never fight, so both of us were...I don’t know, freaked out by the whole thing, and she just kept saying that I thought she was weak and how overbearing I was, and it just....” He sneaks a look at his brothers’ expressions, and when he finds no trace of judgment there, it almost makes him feel worse. “I was frustrated,” he says shamefully.       Taehyung is hanging on to his every word. “What did you say?”       He swallows and looks down at the floor. “I said....” he releases a long breath. “I said, If I’m so overbearing all the time, maybe we better just break up.”       There’s a long pause, and then Jimin says softly, “You’re worried about her...”       Yoongi has to set his coffee cup on the table because his fists are clenching again. “And she said maybe we should and then she left and her damn door doesn’t always work right.”       “So why haven’t you called her?” Jungkook’s voice comes from the doorway; at some point during Yoongi’s explanation, both he and Namjoon had appeared.        Another long silence. “She told me not to contact her anymore.”        Taehyung scoffs. “She doesn’t mean that. Just like you didn’t mean it. Just call her!”        Something crosses Yoongi’s face, but he doesn’t answer.        “Right?” Taehyung is trying to get someone on his side. “If she just---”       “Taehyung.” Namjoon speaks for the first time; the whole room turns instinctively towards their leader’s voice. He glances quickly at Yoongi then says, “Production wanted to meet with us about your solo stage. We should go now.”       The younger brother opens his mouth to protest, but one look at the others’ faces curbs him. He takes a final drink of coffee and gets to his feet, adjusting his backwards baseball cap as he goes. “I’m sorry, hyung,” he says when he gets to the door, looking back earnestly.       Yoongi meets his eyes and nods, but before they can leave the room he adds, “I.....Since she doesn’t want to hear from me,” It’s still painful to say, “I was hoping maybe you guys could help me...help me keep an eye on her.”       “Of course,” Taehyung says immediately. “We love her, too.”       Jungkook clears his throat. “She’s going to be fine,” he says quietly. “She’s smart. Try not to worry.”       “Do you remember Busan? The concert last week?” Yoongi’s voice is strained, but not angry. “Those threats online?”       Namjoon looks at him sharply. “Does she know about those?”       “No.”      Hoseok raises his eyebrows. “She should, probably...”       “I didn’t want to upset her,” Yoongi defends. “We were keeping an eye on it.”      “We are still going to keep an eye on it,” Namjoon says firmly. He hesitates. “But I might have a talk with her, just in case.”       Both of Yoongi’s hands clench into fists, the anxiety opening the pit in his stomach even wider. “Make sure she understands. I need to make sure she’s safe---”       Namjoon interrupts “I know. Maybe we’ll go talk to her together, huh?”       The longing and pain that crosses his face stops Namjoon in his tracks. Noticing this, Jimin says quickly, “We can talk about it later.” Getting to his feet, he says, “I’m starving---anyone want to go get breakfast really quick?” It’s clear he’s hoping for one person’s answer in particular, but Yoongi doesn’t even move. Disappointed, he turns to the others helplessly.       One-by-one, Namjoon ushers each of the others out. When it’s just him and Jungkook left waiting in the doorway, he says, “Don’t dwell, hyung. We’re all going to help.” When he gets only a tired nod in return, he sighs, claps Jungkook’s shoulder, and leaves.       There’s a long stretch of quiet before the maknae says, “I’ve got a break just before lunch---is it okay if I go over and see her?”       Yoongi looks up for the first time in the last 10 minutes. “Yes.”      Jungkook smiles. “Don’t worry,” he says, stepping into the hallway, “I’ll check the door.”      “Thank you.” Once he’s alone, Yoongi reaches for his phone, stares at your number, wonders how you’re doing.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 You step back into the kitchen, your face washed and dressed in a baggy sweatshirt and leggings, to find Jin hard at work with the pancakes. You hadn’t wanted to tell him, but the thought of pancakes made you want to cry: you and Yoongi always had waffles for breakfast. He didn’t like---you stop yourself, chewing on the corner of your lip.     Jin turns to put another pancake on an already-towering stack and catches sight of you. “Hey.” He steps away from the stove and comes to you, wrapping his arms around you carefully. After a moment, he steps back, puts both hands on your shoulders, and studies your face.       You can’t bring yourself to meet his gaze, already feeling the tears pushing in. “Don’t lie to me,” you say softly.       He squeezes your shoulders and smiles. “It’s going to be okay,” he answers firmly. “No lies.” Gently taking hold of your arm, he guides you towards the table and pulls out your chair. “Breakfast is ready!”       You sit and manage a small smile as you watch him balance the stack of pancakes to the table. “It looks great, Jin,” you say softly. You don’t mention that there’s no chance that you’ll be eating anything. Feeling another sharp twist of pain, you fold your arms over your stomach. “Aren’t you supposed to be at work right now?”       “Not yet.” He sits at the table next to you and pushes your plate towards you. There’s a long span of silence as he pours you both a cup of orange juice. You stare at the pancakes and try to ignore his pointed gaze.       “We never fight.” The words slip out before you can stop them. You sneak a glance at him, then look back down at your plate, trying to swallow back your tears. “That’s all I could think: we never fight. It wasn’t even supposed to be a big deal, but it turned into one, and then it just...it just...” You gasp as you lose the battle with your tears. “I never--never could’ve imagined he’d want to-to break up.”       Jin sets his fork down and scoots his chair around the table, draping his arm around your shoulders comfortingly. “What was the argument about?”     “He thinks I’m weak,” you say softly, watching the tears drop onto your sweatshirt. No. With a sudden shock, you remember whose sweatshirt it actually is. You shudder and duck your head. “He doesn’t let me go anywhere alone and last week after the concert he sent an entire team of security to take me home. Like--like I’m a burden or something. He’s completely over-protective, for NO reason!” You don’t see the troubled expression that crosses his face. “I know it sounds ridiculous, but it makes me feel...it makes me feel like I’m 2 feet tall sometimes. Like he---like he doesn’t trust me or something.” You double-over as the pain overwhelms you, letting him pull you against him again.       “Ah kyepichui,” he sighs softly, patting your back while you cry it out. When you start to calm down, he helps you sit up and takes your hand. “Here’s what I know: Yoongi is the happiest he has ever been since meeting you. You know he loves you.”       “Then why--?”       He squeezes your hand. “Like you said, you guys never fight. I can promise you that he was just as freaked out as you were.”       You brush at the tears on your face and try to get yourself back under control. “How....how is he?”       “Devastated,” he says simply. “I don’t think he got any sleep last night---he was up all night worrying about you.”       The pit in your stomach aches at this. “I don’t want him to worry over me,” you say stiffly. “He---”       “I think you need to talk to him.”       You nod numbly. Every single part of your brain is screaming for Yoongi, but every time you think about picking up your phone, you remember him saying the word “breakup” and your world spins. The two sides were at constant war, growing to a cacophony in your head, making it difficult to breathe.       After a moment of quiet, Jin seems to notice your internal conflict. “When you’re ready,” he adds firmly. Glancing at his watch, he gently releases your hand. “And don’t forget: we’ll all be here, whatever you need.”       “Thank you,” you say, barely a whisper.       He gets to his feet. “I have to go---do you have any big plans for today?”       You clear your throat. “Um..no. Just...you know, pancakes and dramas.” You try to smile; you’re pretty sure it doesn’t come across as planned.        “Good.” Slipping his jacket back on, he leans down and briefly plants a kiss on the top of your head. “It’s going to be okay. Take the time you need, don’t hesitate to call if you need anything. And eat some pancakes!” He smiles brightly before he leaves.       You nod and manage a half-smile, but when he’s gone, you get up from the table and wander to the couch. You do turn on a drama, but the pancakes go uneaten.

[sugasmainn]

Finally Complete [One Shot]

Masterlist

Word Count: 3117

Summary: Being a wife and a mom, you sit down looking at your life around you, thinking and reliving your life over to see how you became this lucky in life.

           It’s a cold Sunday afternoon, and we’re just sitting around in our living room relaxing before the hectic week begins again. Looking around, I see my husband sleeping on the couch next to me with our 3-year-old next to him asleep in his lap. Just 10 year ago, I wouldn’t think this is what my life would be like, I didn’t think I could ever have a life like this. Nice house, amazing husband, wonderful child, and a well-paying job. Just looking at them sleeping so blissfully, I began to reminisce on how I exactly became this blessed.

11 years ago, 19 years old:

            It’s so cold out here, but it beats being in that dorm room. All I wanted to do was study for this midterm next week. If I even want a CHANCE at keeping this scholarship, I have to maintain my 3.5 average. Yet, my roommate thinks that Wednesday nights are an appropriate time to have a party with as many people as can fit in that room. The library is closed, where do you expect me to go? The bakery around the block from campus should still be open for another two hours.

           I walked and entered in with all my mess in my hands. Set my laptop down, opened my notebooks, and ordered myself a nice brownie to help me focus (and to help motivate me to treat myself in my studying). Almost a half hour into my studying and I’m completely focused on my laptop and the slideshows from the lecture, absorbing all the information I can. ‘The functionality of the cone receptors in our eyes is to help us translate colors for our brain to process…’ “Hey, is this seat taken by any chance?” I heard someone asking from in front of me.

           “Um, no. Go right ahead” I said without looking up from my laptop. I was trying to get back in my groove, thinking this man was going to take the chair and move it to another table to sit with his friends or something, but he just sat in front of me in silence. I tried to ignore it, but it was kind of odd. Kind of like when you’re on the bus, and there are all these open seats, but the person coming on decides to take one next to you instead of one by themselves.

           After some time passed, the man spoke again, saying, “You seem very focused on whatever is on that screen. I’m assuming it’s exam season?”

           “Yeah. Have one of my first midterms next week” I said, still not looking up from my laptop.

           “You also seem as though you’ve been overworking yourself.” He said, then sliding me a biscuit. What the hell? I looked up from my laptop to be met with the man who was studying his coffee cup with a poker face.

           “Why are you giving this to me?” I asked severely confused.

           “You haven’t looked away from that screen in the 15 minutes it took me to place my order and have them make it. I think you need this more than I do” He said still not looking at me.

           “You don’t even know me”

           “Stranger can’t be nice from time to time? Makes the world go round. Plus, consider it to be a good luck biscuit” He said chuckling a bit, now making eye contact with me. Wow, he was handsome. “But, so that way we aren’t strangers anymore, I’m Min Yoongi. What’s your name?”

           “L/N Y/N” I said shyly.

           “It’s nice to meet you. Now, what is it that you’re studying for?” He asked looking like he’s genuinely interested in my boring information on the biology of the eye.

8 years ago. 22 years old:

           Who would have thought I’d be graduating college today? And, valedictorian of my class! All those long nights, days of crying on Yoongi’s shoulder about how I wanted to quit, yelling at my roommate for hindering my studying and stressing me out more, I made it. I really do thank it all to Yoongi. He’s been my rock these last few years, telling me to never give up and that I was better than quitting. That I was going to make something of myself. Yoongi was standing next to me in the mirror, just looking at us together, saying, “I’m so proud of you. You believed you could, and you did it. I can’t believe I’m about to watch you, L/N Y/N, my girlfriend, graduate on stage and get that diploma.”

           “I’m so nervous about the speech” I said shaking slightly in my voice.

           “Why? You’ve prepared it three times over. Everything you say is like a work of art. You’re going to do amazing. Just remember I’ll be there. Focus on me. It’ll be fine, just breathe and relax, okay?” He said with reassuring eyes.

           I couldn’t help but smile at him, and say, “You’re the best. I love you so much.”

           He responded with, “I love you more.”

Throughout the ceremony, I could feel myself sweating through almost everything and everywhere. I tried to remember what Yoongi said. I tried breathing in and out. I looked around to see if I could find him sitting with my roommate, and once we made eye contact, all my worry washed away. He gave me his famous smile, and suddenly, I felt like I was at home. Turning back around, I was waiting for them to call my name to make my speech, “And now, we will have a speech, given to us by our valedictorian, L/N Y/N” The dean of the school called out my name, and I took deep breaths as I walked onto the stage.

Dear Class,

We made it. It wasn’t easy, but we did it. We can finally breathe, until we get a job and have that weighing on us. Life just doesn’t seem to light up does it?

My life has been anything but easy. My mom left us when I was 7, and my dad was left to provide for me all on his own. He tried endlessly to show me that we were okay, but I knew the truth. I could see far beyond what his words were telling me. So, at the age of 10, I got my first job as a paper girl for my town. Every morning before school, I’d go on my paper route and deliver nearly 200 newspapers. It was little money, but it helped when we saved it for emergencies.

By the time I was 16, I worked a part time job and was a full-time high school student. I was always determined to do well in school, to provide the life my father deserved, so he could finally rest from all that he did for me. I worked endlessly to make sure I was top of my AP classes, and got into the best colleges. All I thought about was school.

During my time here, I’ve learned that life is so much more than just book knowledge. My father sadly passed away my first year here. It hurts me so much, I almost dropped out of school because I felt there was no point anymore. As I was going through his stuff, I found a letter written to me during my time in high school, where my dad said that he was glad I was working so hard. That I was showing him that all the work he was doing was well worth it and more. He said his dream was to see me graduate from college and have a family of my own. It was then I knew, college was a must, no excuses. I had my purpose, and my father gave that purpose to me.

My boyfriend, Yoongi, also gave me my other purpose, a family. He’s been my number one supporter these last few years. He’s given me the motivation and encouragement I needed on days where I felt like I couldn’t do it anymore. He reminded me that he saw me for who I was, and so did my dad. I’m not a quitter. Yoongi, you are my family. You are my love and my life. You are my everything. I’m so thankful to have you, and I truly believe you were a gift sent to me from my father. I love you so much. And class, I’m proud of all of you, because I know the road was not easy ONE. BIT.

           When I turned the page, I saw my last paragraph was missing, and instead it was replaced. Though, I didn’t realize it in time, and read it out loud to the crowd,“Will you marry me Y/N? ~Yoongi” I stood there in shock, as did the rest of the crowd with a gasp coming from them. I looked up to where I previously saw Yoongi sitting with my roommate and saw him, now standing, showing me a ring in a box.

           Without a second’s hesitation, I said through the microphone, “YESSSSS!” receiving claps and sounds of praise from the audience, but all I could focus on was Yoongi. My love.

6 years ago. 24 years old:

           Today’s the day. The day I promise forever to my best friend. My bridesmaids were helping me, and themselves get ready. Making our way to the church, all my friends were telling me that I was so lucky to be marrying the love of my life, and yes, truly was, but I wasn’t feeling as hyped as I probably should. Yoongi and I had gotten into a fight a couple of nights agobecause I had felt he was spending too much time at his studio writing music. Neglecting me and our plans. There were nights we had to cancel our dates or outings because he was stuck working on a song proposal till late. I had finally had enough, and when I mentioned it to him, he became defensive and it turned into a fight.

           Though no one has formally tried to reconcile and move passed the issue, we weren’t going to move the wedding. We knew we wanted to spend our lives together, but we are just having a hiccup on the road. Nothing abnormal.

           As the music began to play, I saw Yoongi for the first time since our fight a couple of nights ago. He looked at me, emotionless. This is not how I imagine my husband to react when he saw me walking down the aisle. Just as I was half way down, I looked up, and through my veil, I saw Yoongi spilling out tears from his eyes that he tried to hold back. Once his best man, Namjoon, had put his hand on his back, it was all over from there. The water works started to stream out of control. Now this is how I imagined it.

           Once I had reached Yoongi at the front of the alter, he looked at me and whispered, “You look so beautiful. I’m so sorry for yelling at you and saying that you never support me. You always do. I love you so much, and I’m going to try harder to make it home with enough time to spend some time with you.”

           I just smiled in response, letting him know that it’s fine and I love him. The preacher continued on with the ceremony and came up to our vows. Mine was short, sweet, and simple. Went straight to the point: Ever since I met you, my life has just enhanced. I thank God, and my father, for sending you to me every day. You’re my now and my forever. I love you Min Yoongi. I do now, and forever.

           Once I was done, it was his turn to say his vows:From the day I met you at the bakery, I knew there was something about you that I had to know. Ever since then, my life has been nothing but an adventure. Once I knew you as a friend, my heart only continued to grow more interested and invested in you. I’ve never been good with my emotions, so I didn’t know what I was feeling exactly, but once I heard that sweet laugh of yours, I knew it was love. I’ve been in love with you ever since, and I’ll continue to be in love with you forever. I do completely.

           With that, the preacher finally declared that we were now, Mr. and Mrs. Min Yoongi.

4 years ago. 26 years old:

           Everything was hurting. My back, my legs, my arms from gripping on the rails so hard, I couldn’t even believe I managed to hang on this long. I was currently 7 hours into labor with our first child. Yoongi and I decided to wait until our baby was born before we found out the gender of the baby. I had taken an epidural, but it was beginning to give out. I had asked the nurses, “Can I please get a refill on the epidural medication?”

           “Mrs. Min Y/N, you’re 8cm. dilated. You are about to get ready to push your baby out. We can’t give you anymore. Just try to relax until your doctor comes here to help you push” The older nurse said sympathetically.

           Once she left the room, I looked over to Yoongi who was sitting next to me in a chair making sure I was being cared for. “This is all your fault” I said angrily though tears.

           “How is this my fault?” Yoongi asked confused.

           “YOU are the one who planted your seed into my uterus, and YOU are the one who said the romantic weekend getaway to Busan was a ‘great idea’. Now look at me! I’m having a human being tear up my vagina” I said through pain.

           “I’m going to let this one slide because you’re about to give birth to our child” He said now taking my hand to hold. “But, I do love you, even if you can be a pain in the ass sometimes.”

           “Now’s not the time you, asshole” I said through gritted teeth. My doctor came into the room greeting me and Yoongi, telling us that it was time for me to push because I had finally reached 10cm.

           “Are you sure? Because I still feel like the baby is going to tear me up badly.”

           “Tearing is normal in vaginal births. We are going to take good care of you, and your precious bundle in here. Just push when I say push, and your baby will be in your arms in no time. Plus, you have a wonderful husband here to help comfort and guide you” The doctor said, flashing a smile at Yoongi.

           Yoongi ate that compliment up and said, “See? You have a WONDERFUL husband Y/N.”

           “Yoongi, do me a favor and have a cup of shut up.”

           For the next 20 minutes, I was pushing, and pushing, with what felt like more strength than I had to give. After what felt like the millionth push, I finally heard the screams of a precious baby. My precious baby, and all the pain and agony I had just went through for the last 8 hours seemed to be worth it and more.

           “Congratulations Mr. and Mrs. Min, it’s a healthy baby girl!” The doctor said.

           “A girl?” Yoongi asked shocked. When they had finished cleaning up our little girl, they handed her over to Yoongi. The last time I saw Yoongi cry was at our wedding, but now, holding his little girl in his arms, he was starting to choke up with tears. Sitting next to me, he looked down at her and whispered, “I love you so much baby. Daddy is going to make sure you have everything you need and could want. No one is ever going to hurt you and get away with it, you hear me?”

           I looked over at him, as he handed me our baby girl, and I started to cry with joy overflowing. She reminded me so much of my father. I so wish he could have been here to see his granddaughter being born. He would have loved to be a grandfather, especially to a little girl. I looked over at Yoongi and asked him, “What should we name our angel?”

           He took a moment, and then said, “I know we aren’t religious people, but what about Esther? Wasn’t she a strong and empowered woman who stood up to a man of authority in the Bible?”

           “Yeah, I believe she was”

           “So, what do you think about Esther?” He asked waiting for my answer.

           “Min Esther…I like it!” I said happily looking down at our new precious bundle of joy.

           “Esther. Our little badass like the original badass” Yoongi said about our baby with pride. I could live in this moment forever. My little family and I surrounding each other with adoration and love.

Present Day. 29 years old:

           After a half hour had gone by, I had seen Yoongi wake up slightly, still having one hand on our sleeping daughter, and his eyes looking at me with a small smile forming on his lips. “What are you doing just sitting here in the quiet?” He asked. I think now would be the right time to tell him the big news.

           I’ve been trying to find time all week to tell him, but now feels more right then ever. “Oh nothing, just thinking about how blessed I am to have all three of you in my life to love.”

           Yoongi looked at me confused and said, “It’s only Esther and I, unless you’re referring to yourself” He said chuckling softly at the end.

           “No.” I said now getting up to put his hand on my stomach. “The three of you.”

           “…You’re…Pregnant?!” He said a bit too loud.

           “SH! Yes! I am! But, don’t wake up Esther. I want us to tell her in a fun way that she’s going to be a big sister” I said.

           He looked like he was over the moon, looked down to where I was kneeling in front of him on the couch, and said, “You are truly the love of my life and the best thing that’s happened to me. Thank you for giving me these, now two, little gifts. I love you more than you’ll ever know” He said kissing me after.

           “I love you, and Esther, more” I replied. My life was blessed beyond measure. Never did I think I was deserving of this kind of love, from a husband, and now two children we made. I’m more than happy and blessed, I’m finally complete.

[nimarasnetherworld]

Vampire!Deetz Part 12

Woo part 12 already! I decided to update quickly in a way to apologize for the month between part 10 and 11!

I hope you’ll like it! Don’t hesitate to leave judos and/or comments!

This story Is co-written by @blossem12 and you can read the rest of it on Ao3 right here!

Summary: Delia runs into Otho in town and had a conversation with Charles.

**********************

Delia walked until she reached the town center. It was only then that she realized how late it was. She had been walking for almost an hour and all the shops were closed at this point. She looked around her. The streets were empty. The life coach let herself fall heavily on a bench. She buried her head in her hands and started crying, finally releasing the stress of the whole situation.

Delia had always managed to get herself in impossible positions. But vampires, that was the weirdest one yet. Maybe she should just leave. She was human, it wasn’t her world after all. But she couldn’t. She didn’t want to. Even as weird as it was, Delia loved Charles. She was helplessly in love with him. And she had come to care for Lydia too. She couldn’t just abandon them.

The life coach took a deep breath, trying to calm herself. It was just a stupid fight. It happened in every relationship. She had nothing to worry about. And yet… What if Charles decided to break up with her and to fire her? What if he didn’t want her to stay? What was she going to do then?

Suddenly it became hard to breathe. Panic overwhelming her.

Calm down Delia, it’s going to be alright. He’s not going to just throw you out onto the streets.

That’s what the one before did though. A little voice in the back of her mind reminded her.

She quickly shook her head, trying to get rid of the intrusive thoughts. Charles had no right to force her to become a vampire. And he did cross a line when he called her “stupid”. But maybe she should have been more understanding. After all it had not even been a year since Emily was killed. He needed time. But a part of her was still upset that he just wanted to change her so she could be like Emily.

Are you sure he loves you? That little voice again, because if he did, he would love you for who you are and not who you could be.

Once again Delia felt lost. No. Charles loved her. She was sure of it. Or at least she tried to convince herself that she was sure of it.

“Delia?”

The voice made her jump. She clutched her chest and let out a small scream before turning toward the stranger. Actually, it was far from being a stranger;

“Otho?” she asked in disbelief. What was he doing here? Realizing that there were probably still tears on her face, Delia made a futile attempt at wiping them before putting a forced smile on her face, “I didn’t expect to see you in Connecticut!”

Otho hadn’t expected to see her either. He was just taking a small stroll so he could clear his head and think about his next scam which was coming up pretty nicely. At first, when he saw the redhead woman sitting on the bench, in a purple dress he had thought how funny the resemblance with Delia was. Until he had realized that it was indeed Delia. And that she was crying.

He took a seat next to the life coach,

‘I was just visiting you know, looking for new clients.”

Delia let out a small “oh”. Having clearly lost her love for talking.

“And you? What are doing here Delia? And why are you crying?”

Even if the “guru” was genuinely concerned about her. After all, a crying Delia was a rare sight. He also had another idea in his mind. If Delia was here, there were big chances that this vampire family was here too.

“Oh, I moved here not too long ago. With the family who employ me, you know.”

Bingo.

“Oh really! What a coincidence! But that doesn’t explain why you’re crying.”

Delia took a deep breath throwing her hand in the air.

“Charles and I got into a fight. Nothing too serious. At least, I think. I just needed to get some air.”

“Did he hurt you?”

Delia was completely taken aback by the question; she gave a confused look to the conman.

“Of course not! It was just a stupid fight. Why would you ask that?”

“Delia, I know men of… his kind. They can be dangerous.”

He knew it was a risk to talk like that with her. Because if she knew the truth, she could then inform those monsters and they would probably loose their trail once again. But he didn’t want anything to happen to Delia.

“I don’t understand. His kind?” the repetition of those words suddenly sent a warning signal in her head.

Something was wrong. She didn’t know why but she felt like she shouldn’t be talking about her family with Otho.

She cleared her throat and got up.

“I should get home. I’ve been gone for a while now and I don’t have my phone. They’re probably going to worry.”

Delia turned to leave but Otho grabbed her wrist, stopping her from going away. He couldn’t let her go like that. It was the perfect opportunity to know where they lived. Then they would be able to plan their attack perfectly.

“I can get you home if you want to. My car I just over there.”

Now Delia was sure that something wasn’t right. The grip on her wrist was too strong but after a few movements she managed to break free.

“No thank you. I’m going to walk. Goodbye Otho!”

She didn’t wait for his reply and started to walk back home. She only took the small streets to make sure that he wouldn’t be able to follow her. But then again, maybe she was over reacting. Otho was just concerned for her. But still the uneasy feeling didn’t go away. Once she was almost sure that no one was following her, she felt stupid. Otho wasn’t mean. Maybe she should have accepted his offer to bring her home. Her heels were definitely not the right shoes to walk for almost an hour and she was getting tired.

What was she going to tell Charles once she got home? Should she talk to him about her encounter with Otho? No. It was unnecessary. She had just imagined stuff. Like always.

Delia was lost in her thoughts when with a sudden woosh, a figure materialized before her. She let out a piercing scream before covering her mouth with her hand, realizing who the figure was.

“Oh my god Delia! There you are! I’ve been looking for you and you didn’t answer any of my phone calls. I was worried!”

The life coach looked in Charles concerned eyes. She was still angry at him.

“I forgot my phone at home.”

The vampire quickly felt that she wasn’t ready to forgive him yet. He sighed, running a hand through his hair.

“Delia. I’m… I’m sorry. I apologize. I shouldn’t have screamed at you and call you stupid, because you’re not. And I know that I’m asking a lot from you and that I shouldn’t have pressure you.”

“It’s not about that. Well not only about that. And I enough for you Charles?” she hated herself for getting angry with him when he just apologized to her but she couldn’t help it.

“Delia.” he tried to put his hands on her shoulders but she took a step back at the contact.

Charles winced at the gesture. Hurt that she didn’t even want him to touch her.

“Delia of course you’re enough. And I’m sorry I made you feel like you weren’t. I love you.”

“You sure don’t act like it. Why do you have to ask me every single day if I want to change when I already told you that I wasn’t ready?”

“Delia I…”

“Is it so bad to be with me? With a human?”

“No, it’s…”

“Why do you want me to become a vampire so badly?”

“Because I’m scared!”

She hadn’t expected that. The silence of the street slowly enveloped them and for a moment neither spoke. But finally, Charles couldn’t take it anymore.

“I’m scared. Alright! I… I just. I don’t want to lose you. I know vampires are not impossible to kill but it’s harder to do so. Vampires don’t get sick. Vampires don’t die of a simple wound or infection. Because being a vampire is safer than being a human.”

Delia didn’t know what to say. But Charles wasn’t finished yet.

“I know it sounds ironic coming from me since…. What... happened to... to Emily. But. I’m scared that one day you’re going to get sick and there would be nothing that I could do. Or that you might not come back from of your trips into town. I’ve already lost someone I loved and I don’t want to lose you too.”

He reached for her and this time Delia let him.

“Oh Charles. Why didn’t you just tell me that.”

He let out a dry laugh, bringing her against him, “would it have changed your decision?”

Delia hesitated a moment before answering, listening to his heartbeat.

“No.”

Charles tightened his embrace.

“But that doesn’t mean I will never want to.”

She took a step back so she could look into his eyes. She cupped his face.

“I’m no ready. No yet. It’s still very new to me. I mean I still scream every time Lydia suddenly appears in front of me.”

That comment managed to get a chuckle from him and she smiled.

“Someday I will be ready. And meanwhile let’s make deal.”

She broke completely away from him.

“If anything, ever happens to me, and you’re able to save me by transforming me, then you can bite me. Deal?”

She extended her hand toward him. With a small laugh Charles shook her hand.

“Deal.”

He tugged on her hand so he could bring her against him once again. He leaned down to capture her lips in a passionate kiss, happy that this whole ordeal was behind them now.

After a few minutes they separated and Delia grimaced slightly.

“You drank blood before coming, didn’t you?”

Charles let out a genuine laugh this time and took her hand into his.

“Come on. Let’s go home. Lydia will never admit it but she’s been worried about you.”

Slowly they made their way back to the house, laughing and stealing kisses from time to time, completely unaware of the figure watching them from the darkness.

[iwanttowriteyou]

All I Wanted; C.H. 30

part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8, part 9, part 10**, part 11*, part 12*, part 13, part 14, part 15**, part 16, part 17, part 18, part 19, part 20, part 21, part 22, part 23, part 24, part 25, part 26, part 27**, part 28, part 29

A/N: Hello lovely people,

This is the last part of All I Wanted. I had a blast writing this and I want to thank you all for the kind words regarding this story (or any other of course). It’s been a fun way for me to make fun of my disastrous love life and I’m glad you’ve accepted me with such open arms.

Enjoy the last part,

Lots of love,  L. xox

“I’ll see you later love.” I smile into the receiver as I bid Calum goodbye. Calum didn’t want to end things, but that didn’t mean that Meredith had let things go. Two, almost three weeks had passed and I hadn’t heard from my best friend since. I would feel betrayed too, but I would appreciate it if she could at least try to be happy for me. She said so herself – Calum had changed since we started hooking up, and it had only gotten better now that I was his girl.

“Of course, babe. I’ll phone you later.” Calum answers before I hear the click and the annoying tune, indicating our telephone conversation had ended. I slide my phone back into my pocket as I let my gaze wander back to the make-up articles in front of me. I had decided to treat myself with a little shopping spree and my first stop was new eyeshadow and lipstick.

“Y/n…”

I freeze in my spot when I hear her voice, clutching the eyeshadow I had taken off of the rack in my fist. I slowly turn my head and raise my eyebrows when I see a nervous Meredith staring at me with the tiniest of smiles of her lips. “Uh, hi?”

“Hi. Uh – it’s been a while.” She mumbles and I refrain myself just in time from scoffing as I avert my gaze from hers. It hadn’t been my choice to let it ‘have been a while’. I wouldn’t go all out and say I wasn’t in the wrong because I clearly was, and I was aware of that, but Meredith not answering any of my calls or texts was a ball that was in her court.

“Yeah, I guess.” I mutter back, dropping the eyeshadow back in its original place while I focus on another part of the aisle, hoping to get away soon before we’d starting fighting again.

“Do you – uh, do you have time for a chat?” I turn completely, my whole body facing hers as I watch her rather tentative posture. Normally Meredith was filled with confidence – a bit too much if you asked me, it leaned more towards arrogance sometimes – but now she was a trembling mess. I guess it had done her worse than it had done me. On the other hand, I had Calum supporting me whenever I had a mental breakdown about this friendship.

“Now?” I am kind of perplexed to run into her here – although the city wasn’t that large, you never ran across someone around here. And I know Meredith had purposely been avoiding me these past days. I cross my arms across my chest, still not quite sure what she desires of me – and right now I wish I could call Calum and ask for his advice.

“Okay look, I’m sorry Y/n. I overreacted I know that and if you decide to not be friend anymore that’s fine by me, seems a bit impossible though with all the –“ I scrape my throat to stop her rambling. She takes a few seconds to recollect herself before she speaks again. “Let’s talk this out, please? Over a cup of coffee?”

“Okay, fine.” The nerves have slowly dissipated knowing that she isn’t here to yell furiously at me some more, but rather to talk it out among friends. That doesn’t mean all of the nerves are gone yet though, seeing as how this could easily turn out into a complete disaster – something that had happened multiple times in our friendship over the years.

***************

I had laid my cards out on the table, telling her everything that had happened in the past three months, skipping on some of the passionate details but emphasizing how I felt about Calum from the start. I wanted her to know that this wouldn’t be some fling that would tear our friendship apart. If Calum and I ever decided to part ways, I wasn’t planning on staying away from the Hood residence all together. Meredith was still my best friend and I wasn’t planning on changing that anytime soon.

“So… It was you Calum asked me advice about?” Meredith questions for the second time since our first cup of coffee and this conversation started. It had gotten a lot better than I expected and I weren’t one to complain.

“I guess so, that I don’t know. If it were anyone else he wouldn’t have gotten a second chance, let alone a third one.” I laugh wickedly, finishing off with an awkward ‘ah’ at the end as our conversation falls back to silence. “Well, if we’re being honest with one another…” Meredith starts off and I feel my eyes widening as I bite my bottom lip.

“I think if Luke and I didn’t talk, I wouldn’t have spoken to you ever again.” Meredith starts stirring her cup absentmindedly as she tries to avoid my gaze. “Luke caught us, I didn’t plan on him knowing.” I start defending myself, but Meredith shuts me up with a sigh.

“I know. He told me. He also told me you both seemed smitten about each other and I would be a bad friend and a bad sister if I at least didn’t support two of such important people in my life.” I smile when I realize it’s the first time she has voiced her approval of me dating Calum.

“I’m glad you’re not pissed at me anymore. I really need my best friend to gossip with.” I laugh as I grasp Meredith’s hand and give it a firm squeeze. “I missed you too.”

“Are you seeing Calum today?” Meredith asks as she waves at the waiter for our check. I still feel kind of awkward answering any question about her brother but she really seems like she wants to keep being my best friend, so I have to be honest with her like I was before.

“Yeah, I was supposed to meet him later.” I push a few coins towards Meredith to cover my drinks and get up to put on my coat. “Oh, we should hang out later, I’ll ask Michael too.” I am reluctant to agree, but if I want to keep these charades up there is nothing else I can say besides “Oh, okay. That sounds great.” My smile is not genuine and I think she notices, but her smile is even more forced that I imagine mine displays. “I’ll see you later then.” I press my lips against her cheek and walk out of the bar.

*****************

“What a surprise to see you here so soon.” Calum grins at me, clad in only his boxer shorts as he leans down to greet me with a kiss. The kiss is shortened as I pull away and push past Calum to be indoors. “I ran into Meredith right after I spoke to you. We talked.”

“Oh?” Calum smiles as he closes the door and lets his arm snake around my waist. “You don’t seem surprised.” I state, absentmindedly dragging my fingers along Calum’s exposed arm, pressing my back against his solid chest. “Not really, no.”

I hum, turning around in his arms as he starts kissing my neck again. “Calum…”

“I saw her in the morning. We talked things through. It would be a nick of time before she spoke to you too.” Calum hums contently as he pushes me backwards, towards the stairs, while I struggle against him. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because I wanted to talk to you about this personally, not over the phone. Now…” Calum grins as he presses his lips against mine feverishly, my eyelids immediately fluttering closed. I enjoy the moment, Calum’s hand roaming along my back before they rest on my bum, which they give a firm squeeze.

“Calum?” Our make-out stops when we hear Meredith’s voice from the kitchen. We part ways and step aside when the kitchen door opens and reveals Meredith, Michael behind her.

“Oh hey. Didn’t know you would be here.” Meredith smiles awkwardly, a grin we reciprocate. It’s quiet for just the longest second and I breathe a sigh of relief as Michael speaks up. “Hey, wanna hangout? I brought my guitar.” He motions to the large pack on his back and I know it’s more towards Calum but I’m thankful he decides to break the tension. I wouldn’t be surprised if he had no clue what was going on and how badly he had helped us out just now.

“Yeah, of course, I’ll get some pants on.” Calum grins at me before he jogs up the stairs and leaves me there to awkwardly smile at Meredith as Michael disappears from sight. Meredith turns around and motions for me to follow her and I do so without a word.

“Want anything?” She motions to the fridge and I shrug my shoulders, indicating I didn’t mind whatever she gave me. I’m handed a beer and follow her outside, Michael already soaking up the cool spring sun.

Calum joins us soon after and takes a seat beside me. He doubted at first, clearly contemplating if it were okay to sit beside me with his sister around. He settles for his hand on my knee, a completely ignorant gesture but something so huge to where we came from.

It’s awkward, and even that’s an understatement, but I have absolutely nothing to talk about. The last few weeks had been revolving around the guy beside me, and I wasn’t going to tell my dirty little secret to Meredith – in hopes of reconciling, of course – with the male of said stories right beside me.

“I’ve invited Luke as well; hope you don’t mind.” Michael states absentmindedly, tweaking the strings of is guitar. My eyes are glued to the neck of the musical instrument but inside I’m grinning brightly. I could talk to Luke, my new found friend, and this awkwardness would all go away.

It were a few quiet, very quiet six minutes. As I hear the fence click, indicating Luke’s arrival, I almost want to fly out of my seat and go greet him up front – almost. Calum’s hand on my knee is the only thing stopping me right now. It would look quite weird if I were so giddy to meet my boyfriend – it still tastes sweet on my tongue – his best mate.

“Hi guys, what’s up!” Luke yells as he appears in sight, stopping in his tracks as he feels the tension. The air is thick and I won’t deny it. I really want this to work though so I hope Luke plans on being my glue.

“Why are you looking like that Luke? I know.” Meredith smiles coyly as she gazes from Calum’s outstretched arm to Luke’s I-am-trying-to-be-stoic-features. I jump as I hear her voice and hold in my breath as Luke gazes from me to Meredith and back to me before his mouth opens.

“I know that you know. You thought this hiding shit from everyone was bad for you? How do you think it was for me? I am such a blabber mouth; my cat knows everything!” Luke stammers hysterically, pointing at Calum and I, drawing laughs out of all of our mouths.

Thank you for being my glue. I mentally thank Luke, smiling brightly at him as he winks at me. “Glad it worked out for you, little one,” Luke ruffles my hair and drops down beside me, “Although I am disappointed in you two. You could show some more love, I know you have it in you!”

You would think Luke would make things awkward again, but Meredith grins brightly – genuinely, not forced this time – as Calum gazes from her to me. Calum leans over to press his lips against my cheek and Luke ‘ooh’s like a little girl, clapping his hands like a retarded seal.

“I am so happy we’re done from keeping shit from our friends.” Luke sighs as he takes a swig from my beer, a loud scoff passing my lips as he does so. He is right. I’m elated as well.

“You’re right.” Meredith grins and lifts her glass, ushering us to toast. I look around and see Luke smugly grin as he holds my beer up to the middle of the table, a pout present on my lips. “Well I don’t have a drink to toast with, not anymore at least.”

Calum’s arm winds around my waist and easily slides me from my seat at the table onto his lap, pushing his beer into my hands as his hands rest on my waist. “Use mine.” “One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life; friendship.” Luke grins, probably amazingly proud that he came up with such a sophisticated quote.

“Isn’t that love instead of friendship?” Meredith grins as she raises an eyebrow at a non-suspecting Luke who starts chuckling loudly after. “Laughter is the shortest distance between people.”  

I slap his shoulder lightly as I shake my head, “Stop it!”, rolling my eyes before I let them scan over my friends. He had a point there, though. Laughter brings people together and maybe without knowing, maybe not, Luke had glued one of the first little pieces of this back together. A nice set of friends, a loving boyfriend and my best friend back at my side. I guess I got all I wanted.

[stuprosu]

august 17th, 2017 10:38 PM

this is my first post of 2017. how fucking wild. so much has happened. i can do it by month, i am guessing? but i need to create a record. i need to write down my thoughts. lately, it has become too much, to think. i am angry all the time. 

so, the last post was in november? i guess we’ll start in december, then, dear diary. it’s gonna be a long one.

[december] nothing too wild happened this month. final grades, wild snowstorms driving home. decent grades, no cuts, but they were still healing, noticeable. christmas, coming home for the holidays, almost a month off of school. got a new jacket. things between mom and i were /good/. i splurged on her for christmas. i genuinely loved her then. 

[january] school started back up again. these were genuinely good months. classes were fine. only stresses were grades and finding a job. little luck with applications. hung out with renee and cade all the time, every day. new friends, more board game club. things were genuinely good. came home most weekends to see family. didn’t really notice anything deteriorate. i wasn’t around, though. cuts are healing fine. 

[february] things are still grand. still don’t have a job but it helped me balance what money i had. went without groceries but you don’t need those. i guess the first descent into madness was cade dropping out of school. i love her so much and she left to be with her mom. i understood. but i cried a lot. i missed her so much. i still miss her. but i still had renee. nothing else major went on. nothing on jobs. no new cuts

[march] then, the only thing wrong with march was cade’s absence and the lack of a job. but i wasn’t home to see what was going on. dad got poison ivy really bad. mom’s highly allergic so he slept on the couch. mom started working out heavily. thing about my mom is she’s “disabled”. blames her handicapped on a car wreck 20 years ago that fucked up her nerves and gave her RSD. maybe that part’s true. but we’ve spent the last 10 years taking care of her. well, my brothers, garryck (17) and toby (13) and my dad have taken care of her. fixing all her meals, picking up shit she drops, bringing her her blanket, paying for all of her medicine. waiting on her hand and foot. after her ketamine infusions and her peak of addiction to pain killers, my mom had a commode set up in her room. my father would wipe her ass for her. change tampons. horrendous, awful shit that you only do for the ones you love without hesitation. my father is so in love with my mother. it breaks my heart. but yeah, enough history. march, dad starts sleeping on the couch for poison ivy. march, i apply for a job at a local library. i get an interview. i get the job. i start in april.

[april] i work now alongside my classes. only two weeks of class anyways. work is good, keeps me busy. still clinging to renee. dad is still sleeping on couch, though the poison ivy is gone. they dodge my questions of why. the love i have for my mother is dissipating. that love is such a fragile thing, between my mother and i. my family always took care of her, but i never did. i never did anything for her. she was a burden, a nuisance, and inconvenience and a waste of my time and would eventually die. she manipulated my family into doing things she could do herself. she was enabled. enabled over and over again. but never by me. which is why our relationship plummeted, never was positive. 

i suffered the verbal abuse, the attacks after her highs on pain meds, or lack of, or a combination of those and the bipolar and just our ticking bomb of a fight that we woke with every morning. my dad would defend me. middle school was worst. 2013 was bad. even my sister was dragged in, asking me if i had my headphones on so i couldn’t hear the horrible, awful things my mother said about me. i lied. there was no music playing. i heard it all. i can’t remember what now, but perhaps i’ve suppressed it. perhaps it’s killing tiny parts of me still today. maybe i’m being melodramatic. maybe i’m not being dramatic enough. 

but. this love i accumulated for my mother during those first six months of college. peaking in december. every mistreatment towards my father chips away. chips away, now that i look back, on everything. everything. april, i think, danielle had her mom, mary, ask my mom for danielle’s tablet back, that i had. i never properly paid her. we’re poor and forgetful, and it’s been since 2014 that i’ve had this tablet. danielle is just being petty. i told my mom to tell mary i don’t know where the tablet is. my mom knows i still use this tablet. i don’t ask her what she tells mary. this information is relevant. 

[may] here comes the hell month. the height of my horror. the height of destruction. dear reader, you probably have a guess what is about to happen. everyone is in a tizzy. my dear brother is graduating highschool. he is awarded the alumni scholarship. posts of love and adoration on facebook from not one, but both parents. something i could have never achieved. i think i got a card, a hug. some permission for an ear piercing. regardless, i know the difference. but i love my brother and my father too much to cause a stir. 

my brother has always been my mother’s favorite, but i don’t really care about her opinion. i’ve never held it in high regard. this is why i tell her important things. her thoughts do not scare me; her reactions, her feelings. they don’t affect me as my father or my aunt’s might. anyways. little brother graduates. all the proper family comes and gifts exchanged. all is well. i believe it was may seventeenth. my aunt came up to watch one of toby’s baseball games. my sister was there. it got rained out. we came home with pizza and my brothers, my sister, my aunt and my parents all killed each other. my aunt knew weeks prior. had stayed the night the day before. the night before i told her my worries. my dad had lost his job. we had lost our insurance. my knee hurt to walk on and i didn’t want to go to the doctor because we were so poor and had no money for trivial things like doctors. my aunt, as she always does, always has, reassured me. told me i would always be taken care of, no matter what. she told me she’d always love me, always. 

she loved my brothers and i like her own children. when my mother was at her sickest, my aunt stepped in after she checked out. my aunt was phenomenal despite all the horrible shit she has been through. she has the most amazing and loving and accepting heart. i have never known anybody else in my entire love to love me as openly and as fiercely as she does. as zusak said. she steps on my heart. she makes me cry. but in the best ways. but what did my aunt know, you ask? she knew about my mother’s intentions. she knew why my mother was exercising and losing weight, her newest diets and protein shakes, her sudden purchase of a car. well, my father’s sudden purchase of a car. we didn’t need another car. my mother got her driver’s license. and then my father lost his job. and her sudden revamp on life came to a halt. but, after my brother graduated, she started right up again. and now it is the seventeenth. i wouldn’t get full marks for chronological placement if this were a paper, i’ll tell you that. i don’t care. you get the point. but here’s the bombshell. we are sitting in the living room, us all. my father tells us, “there’s no other way to put this. *good minute of silence* your mother and i are getting a divorce.”

that’s your big reveal? your secret, lex? yeah yeah, shut up. tons of kids have parents that get divorced. my own sister has divorced parents. ashlee, 25 now. half sister, share the same mom. she understands more than the boys. my mom never treated her well, either. blamed my sister, at 15, for wanting to live with her dad. practically abused her. partied during her infancy and dumped ashlee on her ex-husband. things i never knew, things my sister told me. things that watered the gnarly old tree that embodied that feeling of hatred towards my mother. but. we talked about the divorce, us all. my youngest brother and i cried. my mom cried at seeing us cry. i was angry about stupid shit then, and not the actual cause. i was going to miss the nuclear family, the complete celebrated holidays and birthdays and not having to shuttle around on thanksgiving or how to make one parent happy without hurting the other. i knew what came with a divorce and i didn’t want it. i wanted one thing of stability. college wasn’t stable, relationships aren’t stable, few things were. my family, my car, my cat. 

i needed these things. but one of these things i couldn’t rely on. i could no long rely on that whole family unit, the unification of my parents in the hardships of life. instead, i got to ask my father while my mother stepped out to smoke if he wanted the marriage, if this was all mutual. i watched my father choke back his tears and tell me it wouldn’t be fair if he explained. he later told my sister he did not want the divorce and that he was still in love with my mother. he didn’t need to tell me. his tears confirmed it. my aunt held me. but everything was unraveling. everything. and i told them something i haven’t even recorded here in these entries. 

i need to be more honest. college was fun, but i struggled. i struggled a lot. i don’t know why i decided to carve into my thighs with that rusted boxcutter. it wasn’t sharp enough for one solid, smooth cut. i had to drag that point over a cut and over a cut and over a cut and over a cut until it was finally deep enough that it bleed and i could make that trench longer in my own skin. cuts in the shower and in the bathroom and i never allowed them to heal. no, the long scabs came peeling off and i pulled them off despite the pain. but after a while i didn’t notice. i don’t know why i began. it baffles me still. it’s not a coping mechanism. i still haven’t cut myself since december. but. i told my family. and they didn’t know how to deal. my mom suggested therapy. my dad remained silent. he has never spoken about it. never. my sister has a few times. but. i couldn’t remain in that house. i had days off work. 

i went back with my aunt and we talked for a good, long while. about everything. the divorce, the cutting, my depression and religion and past marriages and the future and our lives and how much we fucking loved each other so much that i cried at her words, at being loved so fervently and without hesitation. i love her so much. i don’t know how i’d make it through all of this without her. but i come back home. my aunt has reassured me once more that the divorce will make my parents better people, happier people. i believe her. my mom looks for a place to move. i go to work. dad finds a job. garryck works. mom doesn’t. mom exercises. mom is moody. the 24th of may i get curious. i want to know what happened between my mom and mary, danielle’s mother, and the conversation had about the tablet. my mom left her laptop open and unlocked. i open facebook. i look for the conversation with mary bailey. i cannot find it. all the conversations are only two or so months old. my mom has had her facebook since 2007 and i know she’s kept inboxes. 

i’ve been a filthy snoop before, but never more than 2 or 3 minutes. this is different. the top two most recent conversations are both from men i do not know. one of the conversations mentions my siblings and i. i click on it. they are from a brad letts. he is asking how the kids took the divorce. my mom replied with “my boys are shaken but fine but my girls aren’t talking to me, which is expected.” who is this man and why is he asking about my siblings and i and the divorce? who the fuck? i scroll up to see previous conversations. i see sexts. i see explicit sexts. my mother and this man have been sexting each other for weeks, maybe more. there’s only so much i can allow myself to read. my mother is a filthy cheating whore. my parents have not divorced yet. the vows are still active. i go back to the inbox and click on the other man who i don’t recognize. less tame. but my mother sends him sexual pictures, flirtatious, clearly wanting to go and see him. he lives in california. i kept their names in a memo on my phone. i know these two men’s names and the date i found out. i am enraged. i exit out of facebook. i clear the history. i put the correct window back up. i move the mouse back to its position. 

i let this knowledge fester within me. i am beyond angry. my mother hurt the man i love the most in this world for some shitty fucking guys on facebook. men who know that she is married and has children. my mother is a filthy, cheating, lying bitch who broke the heart of the man who would walk the ends of the earth for her and back and there and back again and again. my mother can fucking die in a hole. as far as i am concerned, she is not my mother. 

[june] i wreck my car on the 12th. some asshole put gravel on asphalt and i spun out and hit a tree. i sell it for 250 bucks. i buy another for 425. it’s dirty and smells but it does the trick for now. this is getting to become a chore to type this all out. but i have to finish. i need to express. i don’t know when memorial day was. i think it was may. oh well, we’ll list it under june. we went down to kansas city, my brothers and dad and i, to visit my grandparents. they asked us how we were handling the divorce. my grandmother is angry with my mom. i am angry with my mom. it is a good combination. we both rant about my mother. i don’t tell her anything major, just what my grandmother already knows. we come back that night. my dad has a vet friend down there that gave us food for our dogs, cats, and ferrets, and even flea treatments. we’re still pretty poor so we accept it. the vet friend is an old friend of dad’s, back in highschool. my dad goes into see my mom. he closes the door. they begin yelling. my mom accuses my dad of cheating with this vet friend. my dad tells her that amy, the vet friend, has never been his girlfriend and never will be. my mom accuses my dad of breaking his vows. my mom knows that romances now are breaking the vows. she is a filthy filthy hypocrite. she can fuck off. i hate her projecting. it was after the 12th that i told my sister about my mom. it was over the phone, casual mention. and i elaborate. and we’re both raging. we’re both angry. we need to tell my aunt. my aunt is the only person on this earth that knows my mom and knows my dad. my aunt is my mother’s sister. her name is shanna, the one that loves me so much. the closest thing i’ve had to a mother. june and july blur together. 

[july] the 12th of july i take my brother’s car (i did not purchase my new one yet) and go to leavenworth. the night previously i had told toby that i was going to leavenworth. i didn’t think he would tell my mom, but he did. the next day, my mom asks what i’m going to do in leavenworth. an easy lie. just going to hang out with ashlee, go to dinner, you know. we didn’t go to dinner. we went to my cousin’s breawna’s house, my aunt shanna’s daughter. my sister tells bre what my mom has done. i am going to tell my aunt. we sit down and i tell her. i tell her everything. my aunt is enraged. she knows one of the men. she, my mom, and him have been friends since highschool, apparently. my aunt is angry at herself, for thinking that her sister was genuinely getting better for her own sake, but in all actuality it was just a guy. my aunt has to go outside. she can’t go outside. everytime she tries, she comes back in and says something else about how angry she is. finally she gets outside to smoke. she comes back in and we talk for a while about everything. they tell me how my dad cared for my mom when she was sick, how my aunt cared for her, how everybody was manipulated by her. i cry because it hearts my heart so much, how after everything my dad did, it is just thrown back in his face like it was nothing. seventeen years, down the drain. 

but i have to keep a smile. i have to save face. the plan is for me to confront my mom. to tell her what i know. my aunt will be there to make sure my mom does not verbally or physically attack me. then, i will give my mother an ultimatum. tell my dad about the cheating or i will tell him in my words. we haven’t done that yet, but i need to. christ, i need to. i cannot deal with my mother sharing pictures on facebook, how she’s become a better woman by cutting off the poison, how she’s been horribly heartbroken but now she’s risen from the ashes. all the negativity most definitely directed towards my father. everyone can see it. my aunt and my sister know, even my 13 year old brother has confided this to me. my mother moved out of our house july 28th. a few days before, we drove to atchison together to look at her new house. god, i smile looking back on this. she asks me how i am handling the divorce. i say fine, just dealing with it. she begins to cry. she says she doesn’t know what comes next. she has only been a wife and mother for 25 years, half of her life. she doesn’t know what to be now. she is crying in the seat next to me. she looks at me. she tells me she is afraid that her moving and the divorce will have an affect on our relationship, that she will never get to see me and that what we had will be gone. i assure her that won’t happen and that i’ll always be around. 

i am a good liar.

it brings me solace, knowing how i can completely and utterly destroy my mother’s life after she ruined my father’s and mine. i will make her known. i will stop my father from sending her money. i will keep anybody from giving a shit about her. they’ll know you, liar. i used to regret my actions. but know this now. 

i am relieved.

i have an excuse to cut you away, you're poisonous and wretched. you were nothing but a burden and a blight and you can rot with that dog i bought in that house the government bought. you are the definition of a parasite and a leech. keep your prayers. and you want a relationship with me?

[august] my sister goes to my cousin’s baby shower. my mother is there. the two exchange pleasantries. my mother informs my sister that she believes i am smoking pot. she tells my sister that i am spreading rumors that she is cheating. she heard this from the mailwoman. who the fuck is the mailwoman? i have told nobody besides my sister, my cousin, my aunt, and my two friends, who would not tell anybody. i don’t think you realize how big a secret can eat away at you, at your mentality, on your outlook on life. this burden is going to bury me. but, my mother is already on the defense. i need to hurry it up. i need to get in contact with my aunt. we need to burn this bridge.

my next entry will hopefully have that encounter recorded. no, it will. i won’t make one until i have.

things are changing, dear diary. let’s see how this all pans out.