#i’m sure 2000 other people have had this same thought but

[rystiel]

i think it’s interesting to consider trans dean in relation to canon tbh. i mean john winchester is most definitely homophobic, but dean being trans would imply that he practices trans-inclusive toxic masculinity… like “you want to be a man, then act like one.” honestly i feel like he may be more inclined to let dean transition, because being a man in the field of hunting is something john probably views as beneficial

[buuniebaby]

your first time with hamzah 🙈🙈

THERE’S A FIRST TIME FOR EVERYTHING. 🎀

includes: losing your virginity, awkward sex talk, very sweet sex ! 💝

word count 3.2k purr

you’re too tired for this.

you and hamzah are becoming sleep deprived, something you usually do together: come over to each others houses, watch a movie, eat food your stomach will regret in the morning. it’s been a tradition since you guys were just friends.

even now as you’re dating, it still feels.. the same. not that you’re complaining; you love having a partner who’s also a best friend to you. it just feels like there should be some sort of change, but you can’t put your finger on it.

it’s 2 in the morning now. you and hamzah have watched about 3 shitty 2000s movies, enjoying every moment of each one. your brain feels absolutely fried, and you can only imagine his is as well.

“are you a virgin?” hamzah spoke suddenly, but also casually. a little too casually. you choke on your own spit at that, face turning red with embarrassment.

“…what?” is all you can reply back. “what- why?” you say, eyebrows furrowing at him. your voice has noticeably pitched up.

“i dunno. just tell me.” hamzah says, rolling his eyes. you hate how confident and sassy he is, but you’re also sort of attracted to it.

“you’re so weird.” you practically squeal, jokingly. you grab onto a pillow as you fall back first onto the bed. “why do you even wanna know? that’s so like, random.” you ask, more genuine this time.

“i guess,” hamzah starts, but then pauses, almost as if he doesn’t know the answer himself.

“i was just kinda thinking. like, we don’t really talk about sex, ever. and we don’t have to- I don’t wanna bring it up if you’re uncomfortable. I’m just like, curious if you’d be down to talk about it.” he rambles, making up his words as he goes. you furrow your brows as he speaks, still kind of confused. you know there had to be something that started it, you just aren’t sure what.

“oh. well like,” you flush, sort of embarrassed to admit what you’re about to say. “yeah, i am.”

“a virgin?” hamzah asks, head tilting like a lost puppy.

“yes, idiot. what else would i be talking about?” you reply back sarcastically.

“you’re right, you’re right,” he banters with you. “I just- I guess I’m surprised.”

you perk back up, sitting yourself upright again.

“surprised.. that im a virgin?” you question, raising an eyebrow.

“i guess.. i dunno. I just feel like you’re like, too pretty to not have found someone who wants you like that.” he rambles. you feel a blush creep onto your cheeks again, knowing he’ll always praise you for your pretty face.

“i mean, I’ve found a lot of people who want me,” you say, rolling your eyes at the thought of a particular ex. “I’m just like, picky, I guess.” your giggling as hamzah somewhat laughs with you, but you watch as his facial expression starts to falter. you know something’s on his mind.

“do you want to?” is all he mutters. again, he keeps this quiet, casual tone that you rarely see with him.

“i mean, yeah, kinda. I just like, don’t know where to start I guess.” you answer honestly. “feels like everyone’s way more experienced than i am anyways.” hamzah turns over to you, looking in the eye. you feel him think for a second, as if he doesn’t know whether he should let his thoughts out or not.

“well, I don’t really have experience either.” he mutters back, scoping for a negative reaction from you. your eyes widen a bit, and he doesn’t know if he should take your body language negatively or positively.

“you’re a virgin too?” you ask, a more shy tone than usual.

“..yeah. well I’ve done like- stuff. just like, never had sex. never had my penis like, in there, y’know-“

“you don’t need to go into detail.” is all you have to say, talking over him.

“-but i would go all the way with you.”

that’s all you remember from that night before blacking out, yet somehow the short memory haunts your mind. it’s eating you up inside, the thought of losing your virginity after so long to him.

you’ve seen all the edits and thirst traps of him online and can admit that they’ve made you feel some type of way about him - hell, you’ve touched yourself to the idea of your boyfriend too. yet for some reason, the thought of actually having sex with him was never really a priority to you. it’s not until now you’ve understood people’s cravings for sex, but god can you feel it now.

you’re making breakfast the next morning while his hands are around your waist and all you can think of is that conversation. when you help him with editing throughout the day, leaning over his shoulder, all you can think about is him having you bent over like that in a different context. you feel like you’re in a haze almost, clouded by the thought of hamzah.

“baby?” hamzah asks, waving a hand in front of your face in an attempt to get your attention. you perk up and face him, slightly embarrassed for spacing out.

“i was just gonna ask if you wanted me to order something for lunch.” he says casually, but his face begins to fade into an expression between concerned and confused. “you okay?”

“what?!” you reply, scrambling at bit as you didn’t think he would pick up on your behavior. “im fine. what do you mean??” you question; rapidly.

“you’ve just been like, really spaced out today. i get like that, where i like dissociate sometimes when something reallyyy bad happens. so i just wanted to make sure.” he rambles a bit, genuine concern in your eyes. despite the horniness driving your body right now, you do feel a bit warmed by the way he cares for you.

“you can always talk to me if something’s up, y’know-“

“did you mean it?” you ask, staring at him blankly.

“mean… what?” he stares back at you, looking at you like you just killed a man in front of him.

“what you said last night. that you’d like- y’know..” you look down shyly, hiding in your hair as a warm blush creeps onto your face.

“that I would..?” hamzah looks at you, genuinely clueless.

“lose it to me hamzah. have sex with me. loose your virginity.” you look up at him, speaking sternly. you’re a little too pent up to take his stupidity today.

you watch as his expression changes, going from confused to something you can’t even put a name on. a mix of shocked, embarrassed, amused - but most prominently, you watch that urge crawl up into his body. you can tell in his eyes that he wants you in the same way you crave him.

“yeah.” he says, breathy. “i want that. like, now though? or like later, what are we doing-“

his words are cut off as your lips land on his. he gasps into the kiss, caught by surprise. you try and swipe your tongue against his slightly parted lips, but he pulls away before you can get it anywhere significant.

you look at him concerned after he pulls away, taking a second to breathe.

“have you like- kissed anyone before?” he asks, and you can tell he’s serious. you giggle a little.

“yes, ive kissed before.” you say, a little smile still formed on your face. “buuut..” you drag on your words to edge him on a bit.

“ive only made out with someone once, and i can already tell you’re the better kisser.” you say, slyly. he likes it when you boost his ego like this - he’s already proud of himself for pulling you, so you make him feel like some sort of greek god.

he smirks before he pulls you into another kiss, this time pressing his lips to yours a lot firmer. it’s more intense this time around, a hand cupping the side of your face, holding you in place for him as his tongue glides inside your mouth.

you kiss until you physically can’t anymore, pulling back when you need a break for air. there’s an awkward silence before he kisses you again, putting his hands on your waist sometimes. you’re taken aback a bit as he lifts you in the air.

your immediate reaction is to hook your legs onto something, hamzah just being the nearest option, of course. your legs wrap around him, straddling his hips. you arms are grabbing onto his shoulders gently. he’s strong enough to hold you without support, but you like the physical aspect of clinging onto him like a koala.

he reaches the room, fumbling with the doorknob as he struggles to lift you at the same time. he kicks the door closed softly behind him when he eventually gets in there. he drops you in the middle of the bed, body landing gracefully.

you sit yourself up into a more comfortable position, and hamzah sits himself right next to you. it’s here when you realize how comfortable you are around him, even if you’re about to reach a life milestone you can never take back with him.

but fuck, you’re never gonna be able to take this back. the anxiety crawls back up into your brain for a second, but the feeling of hamzah’s hand on your thigh relaxes you. a single look into his eyes and you’re already reassuring yourself again. you’re not gonna want to take this back, because god, you love this boy.

“have you ever-“ hamzah pauses mid sentence, stuttering. he does this when he doesn’t know what words to use; it’s one of his mannerisms that you’ve picked up a little yourself over time. “like, felt anyone up? or like- dry hump them, I guess.” he says. you feel him cringe a bit at his own words - he gets embarrassed easily.

“not really,” you say. a smirk creeps onto your face as you have an idea. “but you could show me how.”

hamzah’s eyes widen a bit as his hand moves from your thigh to your waist. he picks you up again like it’s nothing, sitting you down on his lap. his hands massage your waist, moving up briefly past your chest. he runs at your collarbone for a minute, staring at your clothed breasts.

“can i take this off?” he asks in a low voice, toying with the fabric at your shoulders. you bite your lip as you give him a nod, and before you know it whatever garment was covering you before is gone.

“fuckkk,” is all hamzah lets out before a hand is cupping your chest, squeezing at your soft and fleshy skin. instinctively, you push your chest into his hands. you let out a soft noise as he rolls one of your nipples between his fingers.

he’s fully hard now, and you can feel it straining against you. you can tell he’s trying to keep his hips still, not wanting to get worked up too fast.

his hands leave one side of your chest as his mouth attaches to your other nipple. you can’t help but moan at the feeling of him suckling at it. he pulls of for a second, and you can feel his hands fumbling with the fabric of your bottoms for a second.

“take this off for me?” he pleads in a sweet tone, and you can tell he’s starting to get needy. you comply, of course, leaving you in just your underwear. you don’t want to be the only one undressed though, so you shimmy his pants down a bit and get his shirt off too.

you’re left in both just underwear - a weird feeling. there’s not a lot of fabric separating your crotch and hamzah’s, so when he bucks his hips up into yours it feels good. he ducks down to kiss you again, chest pressing to yours, and god, you feel like you’re in heaven. there’s heat burning through your body as your bare skin touched his.

his hands are on your hips as you grind against him, the thin material of his boxers straining against his cock. he reaches down to rub you through your underwear, eliciting a moan as you hide his head in your shoulder.

he stops your grinding for a second, a hand trailing up your thigh. he uses it to spread your legs wide, causing you to make a small noise. he pulls your panties to the side, showing off what he’s wanted all this time.

he’s already settling lower, head balance with your hips, and now you’re nervous. it’s your first time being touched like this - probably his too, and it’s scary. you close your eyes when you feel him plant a kiss on your hip, teasing you. he continues to kiss around, even guiding a hand back up to play with your chest, but it’s not enough.

“please,” you whimper, begging for more stimulation. hamzah takes it as a sign you’re ready, and before you know it, you’re squirming again.

he presses just a single finger inside you, scoping how much you’re able to take. your stomach flips as you feel him spread you open. he adds another finger once the first one is in knuckle deep, then begins to curl them inside of you. you whimper at the feeling as his fingers excel in speed, working you open.

“hamzah- fuck.” you whine, letting out an especially sharp gasp at the feeling of his fingers hitting that spot.

“yeah?” he asks, playfully, curling his fingers to hit the same spot. your pelvis thrusts up at the movement, only motivating him to go further. his hands are so fucking big and he’s so strong when he thrusts his fingers up into you. it burns in the best way possible.

“ah- hamzah!” you squeal, squirming around. you whine when you feel him pull away from him; you were so, so close to finishing. you look up at him and whimper, a sad expression plastered across your face.

“didn’t want you to cum yet,” hamzah mutters under his breath. “not done with you.”

you flush red, his words washing over your body in a hot wave. suddenly hamzah is moving, pulling down his boxers, and god his dick is big. you can’t help but whine at how badly you want it inside you.

“so noisy.” he mumbles, lining his cock up with your folds and sliding the tip between them. you only whine more at his teasing.

“hamzahh,” you complain, eager for him to stop teasing you and just put it in.

“mhm?” he replies, edging you on. he strokes himself a bit, acts as if he’s going to put it in, but then doesn’t. he knows what he’s doing and you hate it. “need something, baby?”

he’s so mean, making you beg.

“I need it so bad, hamzah, pleeasee-“ you beg, desperate. you don’t care how humiliating it is now, you need him.

“need what, baby?” he asks, obviously only to get a reaction out of you. you sigh, but you know what you need to do.

“fuck me, hamzah. i need you - your cock.” you beg, no - demand, firmly.

hamzah doesn’t stall once he’s gotten what he wants. he’s done with the teasing, pressing his tip into you. you let out a shaky moan - it hurts a little when he slides in, like ripping off a bandaid.

“hamzah- hurts.” is all the words you can get out. his hips still inside of you, waiting for you to take a breath before he continues.

“it’s okay baby. gonna feel better once I’m all the way in.” he mutters, caressing your cheek with the hand that isn’t holding him up. he wasn’t lying - it’s painful as he slides himself into you, stretching you out, but once your hip-to-hip with him there’s a comfortable peace to the feeling.

you two lay in that position for a minute, feeling the warmth of connection between your bodies. it’s a soft, loving touch - you feel safe in his arms.

“s’okay if i move now?” he whispers to you, keeping a gentle tone. at the end of the day, he’s here to take care of you.

“yeah. thank you.” you say, genuinely grateful for his patience. you remind yourself that it’s his first time doing this too; you’re not alone in your anxiety.

you clutch onto his shoulders as he nearly pulls out, cock sliding out of you to the tip, then slams back into you.

“h-hamzah!” you whimper, clawing your nails at his back. he keeps a similar pace, thrusting into you deep. even hamzah makes a small noise at the feeling of being inside you, hips stuttering against yours. the sound of skin slapping together and breathy moans fills the room.

you wrap your arms and legs around hamzah as he continues to thrust into you, clinging to him.

“so pretty.” he says, looking down at you. “there’s a reason- fuck- i wanted to fuck you in missionary. pretty face.” he stutters, moving a hand to caress your face. you can’t say anything else but whimper at him, overstimulated from a combination of his thrusts and his words.

you feel a tight feeling build in your stomach, almost like a coil nearing its breaking point. you clench around him, legs beginning to shake.

“aah- hamzah! fuck-“ you practically scream, rolling your hips up into his one last time before you orgasm. he just stares at you, slowing the roll of his own hips, in awe.

you notice as his pace slows after you catch your breath, looking up at him almost disappointed.

“what’re you doing?” you mumble, voice worn out.

“you finished, i don’t wanna-“ he begins to ramble, but you cut him off.

“keep going.” you say firmly.

“huh?”

“want you to cum too.” you say, voice still soft and tired. you roll your hips up into him, still sensitive. he nods, pushing back into you.

he continues to thrust into you rougher and rougher until his hips are slapping against yours with every thrust. every little noise you make turns him on more, until finally, he forces himself to pull out of you.

he strokes himself on top of you, a string of cum landing on your stomach. he’s panting as he finishes all over you, painting your stomach white. you smile at the scene, enjoying the was he’s made you his little art piece.

he collapses next to you, laying on his back, catching his breath.

“glad i waited.” you mumble. he turns over to you, looking into your eyes.

“waited for what?” he asks, tiredly tilting his head.

“like, to have sex. m’glad I waited until you.” you mumble, tiredness apparent in your voice. hamzah thinks his heart melts a little at your words.

he grabs a tissue off of his bedside table and wipes the cum off of you so that he can pull you into his arms, dragging the covers over your body.

“i’m glad i waited for you too.”

[mrslankyman]

New Years Kiss

Mike Schmidt x (fem) reader

->1.1k words

Music blared through the house. Your friend had decided to throw a party. You honestly didn’t care to be there.

New years around all these people didn’t feel like a good start to your 2000 journey. Why did it have to be so crowded.

You barely knew anyone at the party. Maybe the alcohol was the reason for everyone getting along. It loosened you up. Made you feel like you belonged. Perhaps you should drink. Maybe it help you.

You walked down the small hallway to the kitchen. Passing an open doored room. Honestly you wish you didn’t see the make out sesh going on inside. It simply reminded you of how lonely you were.

Going into the new years yet again without anyone. No amount of grapes eaten under the table or red underwear you buy would secure you a man for the next year.

If only life was that easy.

Mike thought the same. Minus the red underwear. He didn’t really know how to spend new years. Till he got invited to this party. Now he stood in the corner of the kitchen. Watching others talk, kiss, and run off to random rooms to do god knows what.

He felt so alone. He didn’t drink he had to drive home. Abby was off at their grandmas for the night. She always wanted to spend new years with her and Mike. This year Mike opped out of going. He wanted to give this party a try.

He regretted it greatly.

No girl came up to him like these other guys. No girl waved or gave him the eye. He saw so many movies of the girls just coming up and kissing the boy she wanted.

He wouldn’t have that luck. He wouldn’t wanna admit it to anyone but a new years kiss was one of his biggest wishes.

To have someone to hold on new years. Know you’d be with them once the clock hit 12. Secure it with a kiss. Like a fairy tale. It felt like a dream.

Which it was. As Mike knew he was not really desirable. A 25 year old man raising his sister and struggling to make ends meet. Who’d wanna be around that?

You walked into the kitchen. Looking up at the man who stood in the corner. He held a can of Pepsi. Not beer. Which was shocking. You also didn’t drink tonight.

You simply walked up to the small plate of appetizers. Grabbing some grapes. The man chuckled a little.

“Gonna sit under the table and eat them?” His voice sounded teasing but as you looked up his eyes didn’t display the same emotion. He looked tired, worn out but.. some what attractive.

Your face flushed as he had caught on to what you were gonna do. “Yeah. It’s stupid but.. I kinda want to find someone next year.” You looked down at the grapes. 12 in your hand. It had to work.. didn’t it?

He walked closer to you and grabbed 12 him self. “Okay, I’ll give it a try too. I’m wanting to find someone as well. This years been too lonely. Besides 2000 doesn’t sound like a bad year.” He looked at you. you smiled and nodded. He was about the same height as you. Which was cute. Not too tall.. but not terribly short.

“It’s only 11 we can talk under the table if you want.” He nodded towards the kitchen table. You nodded in agreement and headed over to the kitchen table. You both crawled under.

Mike pulled the chairs to cover you two under the table. It sorta felt like just you two were at the house. Besides the music and the sound of people talking.

“I’m Mike by the way.” His eyes flicked up to you. Displaying some new emotion. He seemed intrigued to know you.

“I’m Y/N..” You smiled and looked down at your grapes. “Rough year too?” You asked him not looking up.

“Yeah. Pretty rough. I hope this one’s better. Raising my sister is tough. I’ve never had kids. So.. I’m just praying I’m doing it right.” He sighed and looked down.

Your heart ached. This man seemed so sweet. At least from what he gave off. He seemed like he was caring. Even if his eyes looked dead and tired.

“I’m sure you’ll have a good year. It’s nice you’re there for your sister. I’m sure she appreciates it.” You nudge him gently. Wanting to lighten the mood a little. He chuckled as he looked at the ground shrugging his shoulders.

“I hope she does..” his voice dropped again. You frowned and looked over at him. His shoulders slumped, eyes down and lips in a thin line. He didn’t even seem excited for the new years.

But were you even excited? Every year came with the hopes of something new with the ending of nothing.

You both sat in silence for a few minutes. Though you just met him something pulled you to him. He could say the same for you. Despite coming off as not excited. He quite liked your company. He stared at the floor.

Not because he was awkward , or didn’t wanna talk, but because he wanted to make the perfect conversation. He combed over every possibility. He wanted to talk to you.

You were the first girl at the party to even pay him any attention. For the most part you were the only girl to give him this much attention.

So once he picked the topic it was just a long conversation. He talked about his sister, you talked about your work, he talked about his Aunt Jane and how he disliked her, you talked about how you wished for something great in life.

in a short time you two got to know each. All before the clock hit 11:59.

You learned that Mike longed for a new years kiss once. You told him how you longed for someone to go into the new years with.

And once that clock hit 11:59 you went to the grapes.

You both smiled and popped the grapes in your mouths. Trying to get all 11 in before 12.

Once the clock hit 12 and everyone else shouted happy new years. You and Mike got to your last grape. You stared at him happily. You had done it. You ate all 12 grapes before 12:01.

“We did i-“ Mike was cut off by you leaning in. Pressing a kiss to his lips. He tasted like the grapes. With a mix of Pepsi. He quickly kissed back. His body felt a surge of electric. He didn’t suspect this.

He didn’t realize how tentivly you listened to him as he spoke of his wish. He pulled you closer. Deepening the kiss. Maybe he just met you. Maybe you just met him.

But you had a whole year to get to know each other now.

Maybe the grapes did work.

[koostattoos]

➳ There’s Only Me When There’s You || j.jk

~ Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

~ Genre: slight enemies to lovers, high school au, fluff, MAJOR angst, first love, young love (Inspired by 2000's film A Walk to Remember by Nicholas Sparks)

~ Summary: Being new was tough. Starting out in a new school and new town without any idea where to go or any friends was tougher. When coming across Jungkook and his friends, school hadn't got any easier. When you get paired with Jungkook for a project your life becomes hell, or was it heaven?

~ Warnings: MAJOR character death, a fight happens, mentions of a hospital, mentions of blood, fluff, fluff, fluff! 190811!jungkook (iykyk), they’re so incredibly adorable i’m crying, use of petnames (mostly baby)

~ teaser word count: 684

full fic here!

This past summer your family moved to a new city. Yongsan was small, that’s what you liked about it. But your family wanted to get away from the big bustling city of Seoul. They thought it’d be better for you. Moving was exciting to you. Being in a new place and all. The house they had bought was small, it had two bedrooms, with a bathroom, and a big enough living space for the three of you.  

The people in the neighborhood were nice. They welcomed you with fresh food and some plants to plant in the mini greenhouse next to the yard. It was very thoughtful of them. Tomorrow is your first day at your new school. You were going into your senior year. They say it’s supposed to be one of the most exciting times in high school.  

After you finish unpacking your things you walk into the living room where your dad was sitting. He was on the phone talking with the moving people to figure out where the rest of your stuff was. And your mom was in the kitchen preparing dinner. You decide to take yourself out of the house and explore the small town you now call home.  

Making sure your parents knew where you were, you turn your head around the corner of the kitchen and call for your mom. 

“I’m gonna go out and look around town, is that okay?”  

“Yeah, sure. Just be careful. Don’t go too far and be back before the sun goes down.” she tells you 

Nodding your head, you turn to put your shoes on and make sure you have your phone with you. The air outside was nice. It was still mid-summer but the weather around this time seemed to cool down.  

When you walk into the village you meet a lot of nice people. Mrs. Kim was the first person you met. “Hi honey. Are you new around here? I don’t think I’ve ever seen your face around here”. She ran one of the local restaurants.  

“No, I’ve actually moved here a few days ago. My family and I live nearby. I just wanted to come in and see what was around here. So, I know somewhat my way around.” you explain to her. She nods her head and gasps as an idea pops up into her head.  

“Well, if you ever need anything, please stop by. I’ll be glad to help” she says to you with a sweet smile.  

“Thank you, Mrs. Kim. I’ll keep that in mind. Have a good night” you smile at her and walk away to explore more of the village. There wasn’t much to do. There were a few bookstores you had walked past and a few other markets. Deciding to head back home you text your mom that you were on your way. Without looking at where you were going you bumped into a firm chest. When you look up, you’re met with a teenage boy. His hair was a bit of a mess but still maintained. He was actually rather cute.  

Before you could say anything, he says, “Are you okay?” you pause for a minute trying to collect your thoughts. He looks blankly at you waiting for you to respond. Finally, after staring at him for what felt like an eternity, you answer him. “Yeah, I’m okay. I’m sorry for bumping into you” you bow your head slightly to him as you apologize.  

“It’s alright. Are you new around here? I don’t think I’ve seen you before” you respond the same way you answered to Mrs. Kim. You tell him that you had just moved here a few days ago with your family. He nods his head and excuses himself. But not before he introduces himself.  

“I’m Jungkook by the way.” He has a faint smile on his lips. You tell him your name. “It’s nice to meet you, Jungkook” he nodded and slowly started to walk away. “It was nice to meet you too” Finally, you both bid goodbye to each other and you make your way back home.

[interstellarsystem]

Waking Up After 10 Years of Dormancy – Identity, Grief, and Change

Long post ahead. This is a recount of my experiences as a headmate who was present in childhood, and then went dormant before waking up again in our 20s. There will be discussion of grief and dormancy in here, and mentions of abuse and headmate death without going into detail.

This is partially for the alterhumanovember / alterhuman writing challenge, and partially to get all of my thoughts out.

I’m Dain, a member of my system that all of the others never knew existed. I was here during childhood, though the exact year I came into existence is unknown, we think I became alive around 2008-2009. I lived alongside others sharing my body for years–maybe even up until 2014-2015. I fell into dormancy around then, and the current system had no idea I ever existed, as when I went to sleep, I took a lot of memories with me.

I don’t remember many of the others I shared time with, just that there was one we considered “the child”, what we would now call the original. I now know there was a switch between the original child and a new headmate, Archie, who isn’t the same person–but I’ll refer to them collectively as “the child” from now on, as my perspective was at the time. 

We–the others in the body–were there, living alongside the child, and I was protecting them along the way. I don’t remember fronting often, moreso… Silently observing, unable to move the body or communicate with them, but still there. Like a background process on a device. If emotions got high enough, I found myself in full control of the body, and I could get us out of whatever situation we had gotten ourselves into. Bullies at school, abusive figures in our lives be it parents or teachers, and other general stress–that was my battle to fight. I was the anger stored up behind the child’s fear, ready to lash out if needed.

As we got older, I started taking control less and less–not because we stopped needing me, but because the child had closed themselves off. They stopped allowing themselves to feel as deeply, and I was triggered into the front a lot less. Nowadays, I’d be aware it wasn’t a conscious choice, and was heavy dissociation, but back then I didn’t know. Some of the others–namely, the Pokemon I also shared the body with–had disappeared since our parents and friends were belittling us for still having “imaginary friends”. The child never spoke of me to anyone though, if they even knew I was there. So I think I only remained a little longer because of that. I’m not sure when I fell into dormancy, or if there was something that triggered it, or simply a gradual slip into sleep.

I woke up, though. At the end of last month, some others in our system had been looking at my source material. Deltora Quest, an anime based on an Australian authors novel–niche, mostly known to those who grew up in the time to watch it air on TV, or had ever picked up the books. We were looking at it again with our partner system, because we remembered it had been a huge special interest of ours as a kid, and had finally gotten around to watching more of it. Something about rekindling the interest woke me, and I was suddenly in the body again.

It, to me, was like I blinked. A foggy memory of being a child, still stressed about school, parents, and whatever else–and then a blink–and then, here. In a body I didn’t recognise, in a house I’d never been in, sharing control of the body with people I had never in my life met before. I still had all those memories of trauma, hurt and fear from before–and they all surfaced at the same time with me. I instantly panicked. After explaining where I was, Xeros, the person in cofront with me, told me that writing out everything coming into my brain could help us all organise and piece it together later. I did what it said, and wrote well over 2000 words before my thoughts slowed down a little bit–enough to actually focus. I called our partner system, calmed down after processing a bit more, and then got into bed to sleep off the residual panic.

It’s definitely taken a long while to come to terms with it. Effectively, I was in a coma for around 10 years, and the whole world moved on without me. I wasn’t in contact with any friends I remembered from before except one–who had changed a lot in the time that passed. I didn’t live where I remembered. Our siblings were so much older, as were our parents. We dropped out of school (though we’d be well past finished it by now). We got diagnosed with a whole bunch of things. We came out as transgender and are essentially completely socially transitioned and looking into HRT–even our parents know. And they know about our system too! Almost everything–if not absolutely everything–I knew before had changed in the blink of an eye. It absolutely shook me, to have my entire world uprooted and rearranged into something I couldn’t recognise as being something I have any part in. 

I felt an intrinsic heartache and felt full-blown grief over a life that, in my own experience, was “lost” through the irreparable change of time. There was no way of going back, no way of gaining back my lost years, and no way of bringing people I was close to back in contact with us or out of internal dormancy aside from sheer chance. We hadn’t died, but I had effectively died for years, and came back to a world that just… Kept moving. I mean, of course it would–the earth doesn’t stop for a single fragmented piece of trauma stored in the recesses of someone's mind. But coming back and not recognising anything or almost anyone around you… It was horrible. The sensation of loss was immense. I felt that I’d “failed” by going dormant, and learning that the child was no longer a part of the system. I felt that my entire purpose had fell through, and I was brought back for… No reason at all.

But… It’s not all bad. Far from it. The child may be gone, but our body isn’t. We’re not doomed to fail at life, as we thought back when I first existed. We’re volunteering and looking into getting an actual job, we have a stable group of friends, a loving partner system, and are on the road to moving out and getting some much needed time away from our home situation. Life isn’t horrible, and while it moved on without me, it moved in ways that were both bad and good. I don’t actually despise being here, even if I might have in the day or so after I woke up. The new group of people I share the body with is supportive, and I’ve already gotten closer to some of them. We’ve made real progress in the time I was gone, even if it all feels uncanny overall. I have a different mindset to what I had when I first woke up–I didn’t fail, I kept us going when we needed it back then. I didn’t give up, and there’s no way of telling where we’d be now if I never was there in the first place. Things are… good.

Though… I’ve got some confusing things within my own identity going on, since I woke up. Before, I was simply a fictive of Dain from Deltora Quest. Nothing much else to it, really. The child’s brain latched onto him as a strong character and implemented me into the system as a protective measure against outside forces. It all makes sense. But now? I feel like since I’ve been back, I’ve become a multifictive. Some part of me now is Tomura Shigaraki from My Hero Academia–something we’ve also been watching through, around the same time we got back into DQ.

It confuses me, in some ways. Makes sense in others. A lot of my mannerisms have changed to be slightly to-the-left of what I was before… Which does happen to lean me more toward acting like him. I questioned it without much deeper thought for a week or so, but found myself saying and doing more and more things that lined up with how he is. I suggested that I was a multifictive to our partner system, and on their second guess (and mind you, their first was a joke guess) of which character I could possibly be, they got it right. I acted enough like him to the point that others could see it, without even any hints. But it’s hard to tell where this came from.

See, I feel like if I wanted to, I could call myself a median subsystem. Others can tell which of my two fictive identities I’m leaning closer to at any given time–my voice, speech patterns and general attitude are instant giveaways. We don’t argue with each other, and the lines between Dain and Shigaraki–if there even are any–are so blurred they’re impossible to define. We can’t talk to each other, and we don’t feel a switch between us. But it’s so obvious that there’s two people, two whole identities, within what I call me. It’s incredibly confusing to think about the possible origin of how I came to be so… Fragmented within myself.

Am I the result of a new headmate that was forming (Shigaraki) getting stuck to whatever remained of the original Dain after he went dormant? Am I the original Dain with a new identity just sort of.. Added onto him? Am I two fully formed headmates put into one as a median entity for some reason? Does it even have a proper explanation that I could come to a concrete conclusion on? Well, no. Like most things that operate within systems, concrete explanations are hard to come by. My origin of why I am who I am now doesn’t matter, in the grand scheme of things, but I still feel the drive to know why I was changed by the time I woke up.

Overall? Life is confusing. Waking up has been a shock, but honestly, I’m glad I did. I’m glad I get to have a second run in this body, with new and kinder people than before to support each other. I’m still working a lot of stuff out, and I’m sure I will be for a long while after this. But… I’m here again, and it’s been a pleasure becoming a part of our new life.

[pedrostylez]

Something Else-Pt. 1

pairing: Frankie Morales x fem!reader

chapter summary: You're dragged out to a night at the bar by your friend Anna, remeeting her boyfriend and his friends. But this time, they've brought another friend that you're pretty sure they are trying to set you up with

rating: 18+ (no minors please)

word count: 3.9k

warnings etc: Frankie w/o a daughter, triple frontier movie plot has happened but is not mentioned as of yet, eventual smut (not this chapter but it will build), fluff, pet names, friendships, jealousy, competition, drinking, 2nd person pov, no use of y/n

A/N: Hi there! I'm very excited to be putting this story out there that I have been thinking about for a while but wasn't willing to write down until I had more of a plan and some organization. I am not at the point where I know how many parts it will be, BUT fun things are planned regardless. Let me know what you think :)

Anna is your prettiest friend. To be honest, you envied her, always pulling guys that you silently had your eye on, confidently going through life without a care in the world. She was talented that way and unintentionally attracted everyone around her to her realm. You wished you could be like her in some ways. 

You loved her like a sibling and wanted nothing but to make her happy; except to maybe go to the bar with her tonight. “Please, honey? Santi is bringing a couple friends.” She whined, looking at you through the mirror as she was applying the last of her lip gloss. Her dress was tight-tighter than you had ever seen her in before, pink and ruched over her abdomen like she stepped right out of the 2000s. You had never really thought about wearing a dress like that. 

You sighed heavily, adjusting the shirt that you had already put on for the occasion to cover your belly button. You were willing a couple hours ago, but as it got later you started to think it wasn’t worth it anymore. The way your bra dug into your side, the way your underwear was never really in the right place so that it didn’t show lines under your jeans made you want to take it all off-and seeing her dressed the way she was made you feel inadequate.  “If we don’t leave in the next 10 minutes I’m bailing. I want to be in my pajamas and eating popcorn, not…standing around watching you make out with your boyfriend.”

Anna tried to hide her smile in the mirror, but you knew she was satisfied, standing up and fluffing her hair once more before grabbing her purse. She seemed to be on a mission you weren’t privy to yet, and quickly turned around to you. “Perfect, because we are leaving now.”

Holding back the eye roll was a job all on its own. 

The prep in the back of the taxi made you more nervous. You had met Santiago before-referred to as Pope by his buddies Will and Benny. It had been at this same bar you were going to that you had first met Santiago, and had given him a strained smile before leaving and not seeing him again for months. It was not lost on you how many times Anna had suggested going out again, wanting to reminisce or some shit at this same place. It was always a hard pass.  

Something about the bar you were heading to was going to make you dizzy. Maybe it was the way it used to be a dance hall, and the sweat of past people lingered in your nose, or maybe it was how it was too dark, even with the strobing lights. But being prepped for it in the back of the taxi made you want to hurl. “It will be Santi, Will, Benny and they are bringing Frankie,” Anna says nonchalantly, staring down at her phone and typing out a text message. 

“Who’s Frankie?” You asked quietly, looking out the window as the taxi slowed down at the red light just before the bar. There was a line out the door and standing and waiting to go in made you want to get out now and start walking back. 

“He has come the past couple of times, but he was on the same team as Santi.” Anna brushes off, looking down at her phone again before smiling like a giddy child-must be Santi on the other end. 

The same team. Great. 

It was nothing against Will and Benny, but they were…characters. All three of them, Santi, Will, and Benny together were overwhelming. Benny and Will were polite, kind and would speak to you while Santi and Anna were all over each other, but they had their sights on other people. Not that you wanted to be with them-the brothers were intimidating. Will had given you the most amount of attention for a couple of times you had been dragged along, but it wasn’t interesting to you.  And that is what you assumed Frankie would be. Friend groups that were formed in the military and called themselves a team seemed like a disaster. 

Stepping out of the taxi and onto the sidewalk was simple enough, especially when Anna squealed and started running toward Santi. His arms were open, smiling, and ready to catch her as she launched herself into his arms. Adjusting your shirt again to cover your stomach, plastering a smile onto your face, and greeting Will when he gives you a wave. His arm is quick to get around your shoulder and drag you forward, a one-sided hug squeezed into you. “You tagging along tonight?” He asks quietly, looking down at you. 

“Yeah, figured I would try to be fun for once. But Anna only got me here after I threatened to stay home if she took too much longer.” You laugh out, looking up to Will and over to Benny. You see a baseball cap just behind him, who you assume to be Frankie. 

“This is Frankie!” Anna screeches, scrambling out of Santiago’s grip to grab onto Frankie’s arm. She motions over to you and introduces you to him, smiling widely. 

The men around you are silent, watching you and Frankie smile politely at each other. This suddenly feels…planned. “They drag you here too?” You ask quietly, watching a blush creep up his cheeks as he takes a hand out of his pocket and scratches the back of his neck. 

You feel Will push you forward, letting go of your shoulder and nonchalantly pick up a conversation with Benny. Anna is still watching on, smiling and giddy and you just know this was her idea. “Uh, yeah. They said it was fun.” Frankie says just as quietly, clearing his throat and looking over at Anna puzzled. 

Santiago swoops in, grabbing Anna around the waist and lifting her off her feet. “Let’s go, gang, the bouncer knows us.”

You look at Frankie knowingly, patting his arm and stepping in front of him to trail behind Anna. This seemed like it was going to be a longer night than you had originally intended, but at least you weren’t the quietest of the group. You miss the look that Will gives Frankie once you’ve stepped in front, and how Frankie pushes Will out of his way to trail behind you. 

Frankie had not wanted to go out. Will had hit him up with a “wanna get laid tonight?” and Frankie had rolled his eyes. He was not in the mood to deal with Will’s antics. 

But when Pope called him shortly after, said he was bringing his girl and one of her friends, that she wasn’t interested in Will or Benny but that Frankie would be perfect to get her to be less uptight…Frankie sighed and said sure. 

This always seemed to happen. The boys would set him up with some girl that none of them liked so that they could pursue other options. Frankie didn’t mind-he rarely slept with them, and the girls were always beautiful. They were just never his type. Frankie was used to being the babysitter of the group. 

Standing around and waiting outside the bar made him anxious for some reason. He had never been to this bar and was being coached by Benny on how you acted. “She’s tough. She gives no leeway. Will tried to swoop in with her twice now and both times she has just left. She buys her own drinks too, don’t even bother.”

It piqued Frankie’s interest that Will had gone after you and you had turned him down. Maybe this wasn’t going to be a babysitting scenario. 

When you stepped out of the taxi completely calm, watching Anna beeline it for Santi, Frankie slid behind Benny. You were, in fact, gorgeous. And the way you smiled at Will didn’t convince Frankie that he was totally off limits. The way your hair slid over your shoulder as you looked up at Will; the small smile you graced him with made Frankie want to melt into a puddle. There was no way he would be able to carry a conversation with you. 

And then you spoke to him so softly. “They drag you here too?” As if you didn’t dress for the part, or look like you were meant to be dancing in a club. And the way you touched his arm as you passed him had him frozen in place, eyeing Will with that knowing look. They set him up and he wasn’t sure he was mad about it anymore. 

An hour had gone by and you were people watching from the bar. Will and Frankie were behind you as you spoke to Benny. “Don’t you think I can go home yet?” You whined, dizzy from the tequila shots that Will had supposedly bought for Anna, and forgot that she didn’t drink tequila. A rum and coke sat in your hand, swirling the ice and taking another sip. You were feeling warm, sweat on your hairline that made you wish you had brought a hair tie.

“Why would you go home now?” Will yelled in your ear, sweaty hand touching your shoulder to get you to turn around. You spun too quickly, feeling Will’s hand tighten around you for an instant to make sure you were okay, smiling at him as a silent thanks. You locked eyes with Frankie for a moment, his stare burning into your skin. 

“You guys are boring.” You smiled sweetly, laughing when Will scoffed and bumped Frankie in the shoulder. 

“Can you believe that? She says we’re boring.” He yells again. 

You reach up to your ear and rub at your jaw, the sound of the bass hurting your inner ear. You glance over to the outside deck area that is relatively unoccupied and has an exit stair to the sidewalk below for quick escapes. It’s tempting to slowly make your way over there, maybe make a run for it and hail a cab before anyone notices. Anna wouldn’t be too mad-it’s not the first time you’ve just left after giving it an hour's chance? You glance back to where Will has removed himself, bopping into a circle of dancing girls, and see Frankie sliding up the bar to you. His arm is warm against yours, the smell of his cologne tickling at your nose. Citrus? He leans in to say something, but you can’t hear him. 

You shake your head and tap at your ear again, crinkling up your face as a sorry. He pauses and looks to be debating something before grabbing your hand, motioning for the outside deck. His hand in yours feels rough but gentle, a quick squeeze to hold your attention. You nod, smiling at him for reading your mind. 

You can’t help but notice how broad his shoulders are as you trail behind him, his hand still holding on to your hand to lead you to the deck. His shirt is tight across his arms, his small nod to excuse himself through the crowd before he turns around to check on you. When he opens the door for you to step out ahead of him, the sound immediately drops away into the sound of cars passing by. “Oh, thank god.”

“It’s too loud in there to have a conversation,” Frankie says with a small chuckle, shutting the door behind him and taking a sip of his beer. He stares at you for a moment, unsure what to say next.

“Easier to escape too.” You sigh, sitting on one of the stools and looking at him. It’s the first time you’ve been able to actually look at Frankie straight on. His shoulders are screaming to be out of his shirt, and his hair is curling at the edges of his cap sitting firmly on his head. It could be the alcohol currently in your system, but you want to reach out and touch one of them. 

He takes a step over to the stool next to yours, bumping your arm gently before looking out onto the street below. “I tried asking in there if you had been to this bar before?” He sounds nervous, and you plaster on a smile to ease his tension. 

You nodded along, sipping again on your rum and coke. “Yeah. Anna said you had come along the past couple of times?”

Frankie’s eyebrows furrow, looking over at you and then blushing. “I uh…I’ve not been here before, no.” He laughs, taking another sip of his drink. “This is the first time I’ve met Anna, actually.”

You tilt your head at him, curious about his answer. “You’ve never met her before?” 

When he shakes his head no, your brain takes longer to catch up than usual. But looking back into the bar and seeing Will, Benny, and Anna all looking back at you, scrambling away from the window, tells you that it was all a ploy. “We were set up, it seems.” You mumble, slightly annoyed. 

Of course, Anna was setting you up with a complete stranger. Sure, Frankie was cute but you didn’t know anything about him beyond his broad shoulders and his blush. Why did she assume you couldn’t take care of yourself? You turn back to him after sipping down the rest of your drink. “Sorry, they dragged you into this.”

Frankie’s laugh relaxes your annoyed expression, his eyes bright with humor. “Don’t worry about it.” He sighs and faces you again. “Benny was telling me that you’ve turned him and Will down twice.”

You scoff, finishing off your drink. “They haven’t asked!” You exclaim, smiling when he chuckles. “Both times I’ve met them they have walked off to talk to other girls.”

“Did you want them to talk to you? Will seems pretty interested.” Frankie amends, motioning to the window again where you can see Will grinding on some girl, Benny shaking his head at the bar at his brother in slight disgust. “Well…not when he’s doing that.”

You laugh, hiccupping at the end before facing Frankie and shaking your head. “Maybe I’m just tipsy, but he’s kinda boring.” You admit, shrugging. “And if they think they’ve tried and I’ve not noticed then I’m not sure it would work out anyways.”

Frankie hums, setting his beer down. “What makes you notice? When someone is trying, I mean.” He says quietly, his hand laying on the bartop between you, fingers outstretched casually in your direction. 

You shrug, clicking your tongue. “I think that’s hard to pinpoint. I guess I have to want the attention too.” You admit. Curiosity gets the better of you and you look at him again. “What do you do to show you’re interested?”

Frankie doesn’t move, squinting his eyes slightly before tipping his head back and forth. “Depends. I’m not…not usually very loud about my intentions. Not dancing up on someone,” He motions to where Will is still grinding, now with another girl. “But I like having private conversations. Seeing what someone is like.”

Your eyes trail down Frankie’s neck as he’s talking, his neck muscles moving as he motions to the rest of the bar, the way he’s leaning. When he stops, you look back up to his eyes to see this quiet smirk gracing his face, as if he caught you checking him out. “What am I like?”

He smiles fully, teeth white under his plush lips before he shakes his head. “Well, you’re…something else. I haven’t figured you out yet.”

You hum, tapping your finger on the bartop before coming to the conclusion that you do want to leave, but want some company. “Would you want to walk me home to find out more?”

It’s like Frankie is frozen, unsure of what move to make. You’re suddenly worried that you shouldn’t have said anything, shouldn’t have offered and you’re about to take it back when he says “Of course.”

Frankie is really nervous. Like, he’s not sure if he should have offered to walk you home-not because he doesn’t want to, but because he thinks he is going to make a right fool of himself on this walk, no matter how many shots you’ve had. 

You’re swaying as you walk, bumping into him every once in a while and giggling when you do. He wants to wrap his arm around your shoulder like how Will did when he first greeted you, but he doesn’t want to overstep your boundaries. He mumbles out a “careful" with a chuckle after the third time, making you blush bright red. “It’s alright, cariño. Do you need my help?”

You nod at him and wrap your arm around his middle, leaning your head against his chest and allowing one of his arms to wrap around your shoulders. “This is embarrassing. I was fine at the bar.” You mumble out, your jean-covered leg rubbing against the side of his as you both take steps. 

“It’s alright. You just direct me to where you want to go.” Frankie smiles, rubbing his hand up and down your exposed arm to bring some warmth to you. You feel good under his arm, wondering briefly how far away you live. 

His phone in his pocket vibrates, and he pulls it out to see a text from Benny. 

You dirty dog

Frankie rolls his eyes and shoves it back in, continuing on your trek down the sidewalk. “How far do you live from here?”

“Only a couple blocks, I swear.” You say quickly, snapping your head up to him with wide eyes. “I’m sorry, is this too long of a walk?” You hiccup, stopping in the middle of the sidewalk with him. 

Frankie can’t help but laugh, rubbing his hand up your arm again and giving you a squeeze. “No, it’s okay.”

You nod along, allowing him to get you moving again. The streets are familiar, and the cool air is helping you be less dizzy. When you finally arrive at your front stoop, you reach in your pocket for your keys that you swear were there. Frankie watches you with a critical eye, wondering what you’re fumbling for. “I…can’t find my keys.”

Frankie stands there while you continue to look, reaching into every pocket again and then searching through your purse. He hides his smirk when you shove your purse at him for him to dig through, coming up with nothing more than a pack of gum and a few extra pens you are carrying around. “What do you want to do then, cariño?” 

The sight of you biting your lip has Frankie let out a big huff that you interpret as him being annoyed. “I’m so sorry, I uh…I don’t know what to do.” Your eyes are filling with tears quicker than he realized, his worry getting the better of him as he brings his hands to your shoulders. 

“Hey, it’s okay. I’ll text Pope to ask if Anna has your key.” Frankie says quietly, moving the hair that has fallen in your face out of your eyes and behind your ear, pulling you to him to support you. “It’s alright, don’t worry.”

You nod solemnly, laughing at yourself briefly. “I don’t typically act like this, I swear.” You sniffle, pulling away slightly and smiling. “I wanted to stay home tonight and watch a movie but Anna had insisted–”

“Don’t worry.” Frankie amends again, bringing his palm to your cheek and feeling how you lean into him. He’s taking a chance, but he wants to spend more time with you. “Do you want to go to my place and watch a movie? That way we don’t have to wait for Pope?”

Your eyes are glazed over as you stare at him, contemplating what he has said. “Yeah…okay. I think that’s okay.”

Frankie is just so nice. You had never really come across someone that was just so plainly a good person. Sure, you were sure Will, Benny, and Santiago would have offered for you to go to their place and crash on their couch too, but they had met you a few times. 

Frankie just met you and is giving you an extra shirt and pair of sweatpants and has already told your friend where you are. He’s turned on his TV and set it up to automatically turn off after a few hours, and he’s sitting on the other end of the couch with his hat still on, his jeans changed for matching sweatpants and is intent on staring at the screen. He’s set a pillow and a fluffy blanket on the coffee table in front of you both, enticingly soft looking.

You were able to look at your phone and see that Anna had messaged you multiple emojis that held innuendos, but you’ve been unable to answer with a definitive of whether or not those emojis would even be accurate in the morning. You glance over to Frankie as he adjusts his leg, eyes locking with his briefly which makes him blush. “You uh…you’re very polite.”

Frankie lets out a quick chuckle at that. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

You nod, a smile barely raising before a yawn escapes and you lean farther back into Frankie’s couch. The leather is warm under your fingers, sagging with you as you lean back and enveloping you in its warmth. You close your eyes, feeling the alcohol still move through your bloodstream like it is on a mission to keep you drunk. You faintly hear the TV, not thinking much about it before nodding off fully. 

You vaguely wake up when you feel calloused hands on your shoulder, mumbling incoherently. “Cariño? Do you need help?”

You think this is a strange question until you open your eyes, seeing Frankie in front of you without his baseball cap on, and a small smile. “What?”

Frankie brings a hand up to your cheek, his thumbs coming up to smooth your eyebrows over and over again in a soothing motion. “It’s clearly time for bed.” He chuckles out, eyes searching your face before looking back into your heavily lidded eyes. “Do I need to carry you?”

You don’t really understand what he means until he has lifted you over his shoulder, laughing when you grunt out in surprise. You’re being walked through his apartment, the hallway dark, and the TV light only showing bits and pieces of the living room. He sets you down gently on cool sheets, laying you back and pulling up the covers. “I thought I was sleeping on the couch.” You say quietly, looking up at Frankie again. 

He pauses for only a moment before pulling the blankets higher, up to your chin. “I wouldn’t dream of it.” He scoffs, pushing the hair on your forehead away again before giving you a final smile. “The bathroom is just across the hall.”

Frankie shut off the lights on his way out the door and turned to see you had already shut your eyes again, mouth falling open as it had on his couch when he had turned to see your reaction to the joke on the screen and found you asleep. 

He releases a sigh as he sits down on the couch again, reaching for his pillow and blanket that he set out and arranging himself to continue to watch what was mindlessly playing. He can’t stop thinking about how you leaned into him when he would touch your face, or how you began tearing up when you thought he would be upset with you. 

His eyes begin to droop, wondering what made you think he would react differently, and hoping you would let him show you otherwise. 

tagging @meveispunk because she wanted to know when this would be posted :) if anyone else wants to be part of the updates just shoot me a message!

[lemotmo]

I’m your ER anon from the other day. I wanted to thank you for your response to that, and what you said about the new episode the other day, about how network TV used to be, and how so many people are now used to Netflix series, etc.

911 reminds me of ER a little, and we have to remember, these are pretty large ensemble casts. There’s a lot of people to follow and sometimes the focus won’t be on who we want it to be. Everyone should get a turn being the focus every few episodes. It’s hard to wait for our favorites, but it’s typically worth it.

Something I like to remember about all of my favorite shows from the 90s and 2000s is that typically if a main character has a lasting relationship, it’s with another main character. I’m sure it’s just easier and cheaper for the show. I mean, having to find a reason for a main to meet a side character, have things in common, and getting together, it’s a lot of work and it rarely lasts. In fact it usually spurs the relationship between 2 main characters forward. How many times does a main character get with and stay with a side character? Almost never.

I believe the same will happen with 911. Buck and Eddie are the only single people in the main cast. We’ve seen them over and over date outsiders and fail. If it could’ve worked with anyone, Tommy should’ve made the most sense, as someone who was in the same career field as Buck, understood his life/schedule, etc. What else could possibly happen for Buck? And for Eddie? Nothing else makes sense at this point.

I am a little anxious, because we only have one left before the break and I’m asking a lot for one episode (Chris coming back, or at least some movement there, and something Eddie related, possibly Buddie related.) So I’m ready to not quite see exactly what I’m wanting in this one, and I’ll be impatient over the hiatus but I believe it’s coming this season. We’ve still got ten whole episodes to go. That’s enough time.

I so agree Nonny. I am also still positive that it's happening. Nothing else makes sense. There has been so much foreshadowing and we have been hit with hints and clues all around.

That's why I always find it so surprising to see people give up. We have 11 episodes left. Season 7 only had 10 episodes and they managed to drag Buck out of the closet in and give him a boyfriend in 7 episodes.

Did I think we'd be further in the Eddie storyline than we are right now? Yes, very much so. But it is what it is and even though we haven't progressed as far as I thought we would have by now, doesn't mean that the storyline isn't happening.

That being said, I also really hope that we'll see some progress in Eddie's storyline in 8x08. This fandom has been living on scraps for far too long. We need a big fat juicy bone to sink our teeth in to get us through the hiatus. It's necessary. We are all worn down by the harassment and the lack of more solid and concrete queer Eddie and/or Buddie signs.

We need something to get us through that hiatus with renewed hope.

When you talked about the older shows all having couples made up of main characters? That's so true. And look at 911. We have Bathena, Madney and Henren. Who are the only two single characters left? That's right, Buck and Eddie. This is what makes the most sense. 🤷‍♀️

[drunknillawafer]

right down the line: zuko x firebender!reader | part 6

You grew up close to the Royal Family due to your father's position as a General, but you ran away from home after the agni kai against your best friend, Zuko. Now, you've joined the Gaang and plan on doing your part in ending the 100-year war.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 7

hellooo part 6 oo we're in book 2 territory now... also i am changing stuff to fit my character into this world so just be open to those changes plzzz i do not own these characters and they are not mine! i hope you guys are liking the story so far! I'm so excited I'm already thinking about what I'm going to do when book 3 comes around... rmr to like reblog or comment, i truly want to know ur thoughts because this is my first fic so i hope I'm doing a good job. thank you to everyone who has supported it so far!! even if its 17 ppl idc like that's 17 individuals who bother to read what i write so... thank you!! enjoy >.< about 2000 words

⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙

It was a day like the others, the year before Ozai’s unfair punishment. I’d go to the Royal Palace after school to play or practice, whichever we felt like.

When Zuko and I opened the door that led to the duck pond, his little sister, Azula, was already there with her friends, Ty Lee and Mai.

Azula’s already proven to be ruthless for a 10-year-old. She’s constantly reminding Zuko of his ‘failure’ to live up to the responsibility of Fire Lord just because he’s not as vicious as her. In this home, they favored brutality over honor, and if you know Zuko, he’s all honor. Even at twelve years old, you can tell he won’t grow to be like his father before him and it’s a problem.

She’s only gotten worse since their mother disappeared 2 years ago. No one knows the specifics, but Azula says their grandfather ordered the Fire Lord to kill Zuko and she never lets him forget it.

As we walk toward our usual spot, the little girl comes up to us.

“Zuzu, come play with us!” she says with a hint of mischief in her voice.

“No! I’m busy.” Zuko replies, brushing her off. We continue walking to reach the other side of the pasture, far away from his sister and her friends.

“Fine.” With Azula, fine isn’t just fine. It’s code for I’ll get you somehow.

But I try to keep my thoughts about her to myself. She is younger than us and I’m not scared of her. It’s Zuko she doesn’t see as a threat. As for me, she’s known not to push it. Since we all have the same fire-bending master, she’s well aware I’m better than the both of them.

When we reach our spot, we sit to take our swords from their sheaths. Today it’s blades, yesterday it was bending. We almost forget Azula’s in our vicinity when Mai comes crashing down onto Zuko, making her blush.

Mai is a year younger than us, and she’s always had this crush on him. Everyone knows. I know.

But unlike Azula, I don’t humiliate her with the fact. Even if the thought of Zuko returning the feelings makes me uncomfortable.

Mai quickly gets up and apologizes for stumbling on top of him and Zuko, in all his emotional glory, yells at his sister. “Stop it! It’s not funny.”

She grins with her arms folded. “Oh, but it is, dumb-dumb. I told you to play with me!”

“That’s not how you get people to play with you!” I stand up for him, knowing it’s a losing battle if he’s all alone in his defense.

“Whatever.” She replies and focuses her attention on Ty Lee’s handstand. Probably thinking of a way to ruin that too.

It’s clear we won’t be left alone to spar in peace.

“Want to go to my room?” He asks. Familiar amber eyes gazing into mine.

Butterflies appear in my stomach. I’ve been to his room thousands of times, millions if it was possible. It wasn’t abnormal. But lately, I can’t stop these stupid bugs.

My feelings for my best friend are changing, I just hope his are too.

“Sure.”

A few weeks have passed since the failed ambush of the Northern Water Tribe by the Fire Nation. Admiral Zhao is presumed dead, and the empire retreated. They were long gone, and this loss was too shameful to ever attempt something like it again.

Though, the adrenaline from the win would be nothing compared to the loss felt by the masses. We lost some people, rebuilding was commencing, and the tribe had lost their princess. The Chief had lost his daughter.

While it pained Sokka and I to inform him of the news, what he said in return brought peace to all of us. He said he had a vision of a beautiful young woman sacrificing her life for her people and it wasn’t until that fateful day that he knew it was his daughter. Warmth embraced us all after he spoke. What better way to show your love for your people than to become the moon itself? It was bittersweet. To know she couldn’t walk with us but be with us wherever we go on planet Earth.

If only I knew how I felt about encountering Zuko for the first time in three years.

I honestly didn’t know what to think, act, or be. It all happened so fast.

Having to save Aang in the middle of our encounter distracted me long enough. Letting down the Chief and Yue becoming the moon spirit distracted me long enough. Hell, seeing Iroh for the first time in a while distracted me long enough. But eventually, the dust settles and there’s nothing but his face in my thoughts.

His hair is different, and he looks… sharper around the edges. He’s stronger and his bending is different than before, more determined and intentional. He seems tired.

I replay our interaction in my head multiple times a day, sometimes in my dreams. Each time, I think about what I could have said instead. Other times he doesn’t strike me in the ribs. But then I wake up or come back to reality and the scar of his burn on my side reminds me: he’s no longer my Zuko.

I mourn the gentle boy I once knew.

All our good moments flash through my mind like an orchestrated play. Growing up together. Elementary memories of playing and later, practicing our sparring and bending together. Silent moments where we both sat and stared as the sun painted orange across the sky, once we were done for the day. Being the first person we looked for at a royal party and feeling relief when our eyes locked together, assuring that we won’t spend the night bored out of our minds. Silly things I didn’t think I’d miss so much.

But it was hard to feel bad for him when he was someone else entirely.

I shouldn’t have, but I took it easy on him. I thought there was some sort of silent agreement that we would never hurt each other, like when we were sparring. But at some point in time, practice became fighting, and nobody told me.

I spent three years thinking about this exact moment and I never once thought we’d be on two different sides of this war.

It was different for him, I suppose. He stopped practicing the moment Ozai told him to get up and fight.

The swirl of feelings dizzied me, going from I hate him to I missed him. From where is he? to I think I could find him if I tried.  

But I don’t know how that would land on Aang, Katara, and Sokka.

Zuko’s been terrorizing them since Aang came out of the ice, before they crossed paths with Jet and me. I’m not even sure how they feel about my past with their first enemy. I’ll make a note to ask later.

I’ve been in my head the entire time we went through the cave of two lovers. I think some badger moles got us out and the nomads went their own way once we made it through.

Apparently, we’re heading to Omashu so Aang can learn earth-bending from his old friend, King Bumi.

Sokka’s catching me up to speed, but his voice sounds like it could be a thousand miles away from my mind. “It’s pretty cool, I didn’t really like being trapped and thinking I was going to die but that’s not the point- Hey, are you okay?” He grabs my elbow and stops us in our tracks. His eyes look into mine, looking for me.

He shares a glance with Katara that prompts her to say, “Let's take a break from walking, guys. Aang, c'mon I think I see some water. I want to see what you know before you become an earth-bender.”

“Okay!” The young Avatar replies, eager for alone time with his favorite person. They smile at me before leaving, and I feel left out of a certain loop.

Once they’re far away enough, I reply to Sokka’s question. “I’m okay, why?”

“You’ve just been off… since the invasion.” He scratches the back of his neck as he confesses his concerns.

“It was a lot, I mean. Yue—”

“I know, but you’ve pulled away from all of us.” Almost shyly, he continues, “From me.”

“Oh.”

“But we all want to know if you’re okay.” He hurries to add.

“I’ve been thinking about some stuff is all.” I let out a sigh, a poor attempt at trying to let go of what’s bothering me. “I just hadn’t seen him in a long time. And when I do, he’s fighting me.” I look down at my boots, begging for the dry dirt to become quicksand. My cheeks are getting hot and the familiar knot in my throat is forming. This is why I didn’t want to talk about it.

“Yeah, he does that.” Sokka scoffs. “He’s a jerk. He can be mean to us, I get it! The Avatar and everything. But being mean to you was unnecessary.”

The knot in my throat quickly forms into a tone that’s harsher than I mean it. “Was it?” Sokka’s taken aback and instantly, I’m regretful for it. “Sorry… I don’t know what I feel.”

I investigate his icy stare and for the first time, I feel the distance I’ve put between us. Unfortunately, I think it’s there to stay.

He raises his hands in defense, “I get it.”

“What do you mean?”

“Did you like him?” I finally understand what he’s been saying. Why he wanted to talk. He wanted to talk about us and how Zuko fits into that equation.

“No—I… uh...” the words leave me.

“I see.”

"That's not a confession."

"Then say no."

“Does it matter?” I ask, becoming irritated with his attitude.

“Does it?” Sokka’s stern voice rarely makes an appearance, but when it does, it surprises me. Leave it to Zuko to cause an argument when he’s not even here.

Before I can answer, Katara and Aang return, looking chippier than we do.

“Break’s over?” she asks us, furrowing her brows as she takes in our body language.

“Yeah, it’s over.” Sokka huffs and walks away, leading us to our destination.

☆

With Sokka guiding us, he proudly gestures towards the Earth Kingdom land. “Ladies and gentlemen, the city of Omashu!” When I finally intake what they’ve all been talking about, I know what we see isn’t what they were describing.

“Oh no.” Aang says for all of us.

The fire emblems are too loud to ignore. Omashu’s been occupied.

☆

As the four of us stand in our fight mode, ready to negotiate Bumi for the Mayor’s baby boy, I see three girls in the distance. I see her first.

My heart drops down to my core, the way it did when I first saw Zuko after all these years. Just when I thought the reunions were over, the universe shows me exactly what it is I ran away from. Finally, after all this time, I have to face what I did.

“No.” I mumble.

“What?” Aang asks. They all turn to me. Now that they know who I am, they know I must know whoever is coming to negotiate on the empire’s behalf.

I should have known it would be Mai, but her little brother was not born when I last saw her. When we all went to the Royal Fire Academy for Girls.

I don’t have enough time to warn them, you never do when she’s involved.

“It’s Azula.”

------------------------------

tag list <3: @camilleverreault @staygoldsquatchling02

[officialchristiancagebbgirlblog]

Can I have prompts 15, 34, and 69 with early 2000's Edge plss where she is scared to be in love with them because of trust issues but sweet smut unfolds as they let the feelings out between them?

15: “I’m so scared…of you��

34: “shh it’s okay, I’m here now”

69: having your first time in bed with each other

Tag: @judgementdaysunshine

Word count: 2058

Warnings: mild swearing

Fic type: fluff and smut

Link to masterlist

Reader will be a wrestler, 2001. Will use Adam’s name. Feels silly saying Edge in this context. Christian will just be called Christian as using his real name doesn’t feel right for fics!

Being at large events was always difficult for you. Even if you did know most of the people there. You were still relatively new, only having been there for about three years about the same time as your friends, Adam and Christian. The three of you didn’t go in together. You had met them on your first day actually and hit it off with them immediately. They always had your back both within matches, and backstage. Being quiet made you an easy target for certain wrestlers to pick on you; they’d pull pranks (sometimes cruel ones) on you, be rough with you in the ring. It wasn’t the best time to be a wrestler but you weren’t about to quit. Plus, the two boys would back you up and protect you as much as possible, alongside two other friends, Jeff and Matt Hardy.

The event in question was an after party, following a successful episode of Smackdown. You hung around Adam and Christian who were talking with Kurt Angle and a few others, sticking closely to Adam’s side, while they chatted with other wrestlers. It wasn’t something you admitted to anyone just yet, but you had found yourself with feelings for Adam. There was something about how protective he was over you that just made your heart swoon and your body feel so…safe? Was that the feeling? It was hard to come to terms with how you felt. So many times had you been let down or betrayed by your previous partner that you didn’t know if you could go through with another relationship again. He had broken you in more ways than you’d let on to anyone. The idea of dedicating yourself to someone or letting someone into your heart terrified you.

“We should probably get going!” Adam nudged you, hoping you’d agree. He was enjoying the socialisation but in reality, he felt more comfortable in the idea of heading back to the hotel room you two shared. Saving as much money as possible was at the top of both of your lists so you had agreed to share with him. Tonight would be your first night alone with him, and a big part of you was scared. You nodded, agreeing that it was time.

“I’m going to stay a bit longer,” Christian said, giving you both a quick hug, “but I’ll see you guys later on!”

Exchanging goodbyes with the group, you both headed out to the car park to get a taxi back. Adam left the keys with Christian so he could drive back.

“I think…I might just shower and then sleep when we get back.” You told Adam in the car, sitting a seat away from him in the back, leaving the middle seat free.

“Oh. I was thinking we could watch a film but…yeah sure, if you’re tired, do what you like!” He replied, smiling weakly.

It was a strange response, you had thought. A part of you thought that maybe he was hoping for something more but you didn’t want to jump to conclusions. The rest of the ride was quiet, relaxed. Watching him from the corner of your eye, you made a mental note of the outline of his face from the side. There was no denying that he was gorgeous. With the way his long hair framed his face, the little point at the end of his nose. And his body! His arms were strong yet soft to the touch, very welcoming. Perhaps that’s why she always felt so safe? It definitely was his kindness that helped too. You didn’t realise that you had turned your head to get a better look at him, staring with a sparkle in your eyes. He turned to look at you with a smile and pink cheeks, winking slightly. You quickly looked away in embarrassment of being caught staring, hearing him chuckle at your reaction.

After arriving at the hotel, you both made your way up to the room and you rushed in the bathroom to get to the shower to wash away the naughty thoughts that began to cloud your mind. You got undressed with haste and stood under the warm running water, trying to clear your mind. It was getting harder to hide your feelings and anxiety built up in your chest over that fact. You were terrified of a repeat of last time. Deep down you knew he was different but still. What if he secretly was a terrible man? What if he was secretly just as horrible but was fantastic at hiding it? The thought was too horrible to imagine so you tried to ignore it, washing your body and your hair, imagining you were scrubbing that idea away.

Not spending long in there, you dried off and climbed into clothes that you had left folded in there before you left, ready for your evening shower. You looked into the mirror and took a deep breath, calming yourself so Adam wouldn’t ask any questions. You left the bathroom and made your way over to the desk where your hairdryer was ready for you. Except it wasn’t just that there waiting. Adam stood, holding your brush and motioning for you to sit down.

“I know you’re tired but I can…do this for you if you like?” He smiled sheepishly.

Returning the smile, you sat down in front of him. As he began you felt your cheeks and your body become warm with appreciation, the naughty thoughts coming back. He was so concentrated on making sure your hair was fully dry and brushed that he didn’t even notice you staring this time. After about 15 to 20 minutes, he shut the dryer off, just pulling the brush gently through your smooth and shiny hair.

“Can I ask you a question?” He asked, finally looking up at the mirror to make eye contact with you. Adam noticed the nervous look that suddenly crossed your face, and he took a second to squeeze your shoulder to assure you that it was okay. Swallowing hard, you nodded.

“Um…are we just…friends? Or is there something else that you want to try?” He asked, his voice quiet and soft. You felt your throat run dry as the words settled in your brain. He decided to continue on with something that probably shouldn’t have shocked you all that much but it still did regardless.

“Because I don’t know about you but…I definitely have. Feelings. For you.”

You didn’t know what to say. Well, you did, but you were scared of saying it. Your silence scared Adam as he stood there still looking at you, waiting for you to just say something. Anything.

It felt like an eternity before you opened your mouth to speak to him.

“Adam…I’m not going to lie to you because I appreciate you and…what you do for me.” You started with a deep breath. It wasn’t fair to lie to him on how you felt nor was it fair to not tell him why you were afraid of it.

“I’m so scared…of you-“

“Of me? Why?” He interrupted, the shock breaking his heart in two.

“Let me finish, please.” You begged.

He became silent, placing both hands on your shoulders, letting he brush fall to the floor with a dull thud.

“It’s not…really you. It’s the idea of you, and liking you. I want to let you in but I’m scared of what will happen if I do. The last person I let into my heart treated me terribly. I know you’re not that guy but I don’t know if I can let myself trust someone again. I am so terrified that…it will happen again.”

You felt the tears well up in your eyes, sliding down your cheeks rapidly. Just admitting why you were afraid of love somehow felt worse than keeping it secret. It was the shame of talking about it out loud, and now crying about it. Let alone someone who had just admitted they had feelings for you!

You felt his arms wrap around your shoulders and his cheek rest on the crown of your head, Adam gently whispering ‘shhh’.

“I’m sorry,” you choked out, “I-I know I’m a mess right now and this isn’t what you want to see and I’m sorry I-“

“Shh it’s okay, I’m here now.” He muttered, rocking you side to side.

“I don’t know exactly what happened before in your last relationship,” he gently pulled on your arm to turn you around on the chair to face him, “but I am not him, okay? I need you to understand that. I can love you so much more. In the way you deserve. You just need to let me in to do that.”

He cupped your face, wiping tears away with his thumbs. You both stayed there, gazing into each other's eyes for god knows how long before you both leant towards each other to share a kiss. When your lips met in the middle, your body rushed with tingles as the familiar sensation came back. You hadn’t realised how much you missed kissing!

It wasn’t long before you were standing up in his arms as he led you to the bed, lips still interlocked as you both removed each other's clothes. You both mumbled sweet nothings into each other's soft lips as he pulled your legs apart, aligning himself with your wet and ready entrance.

“Are you ready, baby girl?” He asked, stopping to look at you. You nodded, throwing your arms around his neck as he slowly slid in, keeping his eyes on your face the entire time.

“Tell me if it hurts or if it’s too much. We can stop if you need it.” He reassured, kissing your cheek once he was all the way in. Adam stayed unmoving for a moment to allow you to get used to the feeling of him inside you, not wanting you to be in pain. After signalling to him that it was okay, he began to thrust, being slow and gentle. He buried his face in your neck as the pleasure and your warmth took over his body.

“Faster, please!” You called out to him, gripping his shoulders as the feeling of pleasure overtook your body. Adam picked up the pace while still not hitting too hard, groaning against your skin.

“You’re so gorgeous,” He muttered, littering your skin with small wet kisses as his hands caressed your soft body, “God, I’m so glad I told you…how I feel.”

Just hearing him speak those words sent your heart flying. You had completely forgotten what it felt like to be praised in this way. And to have it from Adam just made it that much sweeter. Already you felt yourself getting close to the finish line, him following behind closely. Wrapping your legs around his waist, you moaned out his name as you drew closer and closer.

“Let it out for me, baby.” He whispered, his lips just barely ghosting the skin of your ear. You gasped as your orgasm hit, Adam holding on to you tight as he continued on with whispering encouraging words of love to you while you rode it out. As you came down, he muttered a quick ‘oh fuck’ before pulling out, cumming on your stomach with a grunt. After finishing, he leant down to give you another kiss before getting up to grab tissues to clean you up.

“Sorry, I didn’t want to…you know…do it inside of you.” He smiled sheepishly, his body pink from the afterglow of sex. You smiled and told him that it was okay, you didn’t mind too much. Once he got you cleaned up, he crawled into the bed next to you and pulled you in for a cuddle.

“I meant what I said earlier, you know.” He said, turned your head to look at him. It had finally set in that Adam just wanted to love you in every way possible. It was still hard to believe that you could be loved that way after before, but you were willing to let him try. Smiling wider, you both shared another kiss, already becoming obsessed with the way you both tasted.

“Let’s give it a try. See where it goes. I…I think I’m ready for you to show me what it’s like to be appreciated again.”

[mightyflamethrower]

Former president Barack Obama, the man who salvaged Joe Biden from the ash heap of political history (an unfortunate move which in turn sadly revived Kamala Harris’ DOA career), continued with his unifying ways Thursday by shaming black men who don't think that Harris is a great choice for commander-in-chief.

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urn:uuid:157f4cf5-30fb-404a-82c5-1dda2565dea0

It reminded me of Joe’s infamous line, if you don’t vote for me, then “you ain’t black.” Obama:

And you're coming up with all kinds of reasons and excuses, I've got a problem with that. Because part of it makes me think -- and I'm speaking to men directly -- part of it makes me think that, well, you just aren't feeling the idea of having a woman as president, and you're coming up with other alternatives and other reasons for that… That's not acceptable. 

He sounds like a mob boss.

Just disgusting, divisive rhetoric from the man who said in his first acceptance speech, “We have never been a collection of red states and blue states; we are, and always will be, the United States of America.”

Unless you disagree with him, of course.

Do it my way or hit the highway: 

Turns Out Those Obama Remarks Got Worse—He Even Insults Black Men Who Are on the Fence About Kamala Scott Jennings Cooks Obama for Chastising Men Over Harris, Reveals Big Issue for Democrats

I’ve always hated the left’s use of the word “community.” The “black community,” the “LGBTQ community.” As if, just because people have one thing in common, they all have the same viewpoints on everything. Is there a “white community?” A “heterosexual community?”

Sure enough, it turns out that plenty of blacks were capable of their own thoughts and found the former president’s remarks to be belittling and deeply obnoxious. Former football great and one-time Georgia Senate candidate Herschel Walker was less than impressed, calling it a step backward:

We need unity brother, not division!

Well said.

Meanwhile, as a RedState man, I’m obviously not a Bernie Sanders fan, but his former campaign co-chair and former Democratic Ohio state Sen. Nina Turner nevertheless had it right when she asked, "Why are Black men being belittled?"

She absolutely nukes Obama’s race-baiting narrative and stuns the CNN hosts in the process:

"Now, a lot of love for former President Obama, but for him to single out Black men is wrong, and some of the Black men that I have talked to have their reasons why they want to vote a different way, and even if some of us may not like that, we have to respect it," she said. Turner explained further, "So unless President Barack Obama is gonna go out and lecture every other group of men from other identity groups, my message for Democrats is don’t bring it here to Black men who, by and large, don’t vote much differently from Black women."

The reactions from the CNN crew are some of the most priceless I've ever seen. Truth is being spoken to them, and they absolutely cannot handle it.

These are just two examples, but there are plenty more out there of people who were deeply insulted by being told they had to vote a certain way just because of their skin color. (As of this writing, a search on the social media platform X for "Obama" turns up an untold number—but an unquestionably large number —of black people angrily teeing off on "hopey-changey" Barack's comments.)

Obama has been one of the smoothest politicians in the land since his meteoric rise from obscurity in the mid-2000s, but there was always a darker presence lurking underneath his big Hollywood grin.

He showed it loud and clear with this belittling speech, and he lost a lot of his luster in the process. Kamala Harris is 100 percent correct: we need “a new way forward,” but that way should not include race-baiting, the failures of Obama-style progressivism, or the constant attempts by leading Democrats to divide the nation.

[bluesunflowers21]

I have no posts and no followers so this probably won’t see the light of day, but it’s 1:53 am and I’m up reading yumihisu fanfics from 2014 and I just had this thought I needed to share.

Does anyone ever read these older fics and just think about their age? It’s almost like time travel, right? You’re looking into a time in fandom where so many things hadn’t happened yet, secrets not yet revealed, ship wars that have yet to exist. To see a ship you hold close because even if it’s painful in canon it was the first you ever saw that matched who you were in some small way, and it’s young again. It’s all new, and the angst hasn’t hit, and the tragedy isn’t tragic yet.

And then I look at the comments. 2013, 2014, 2017, 2018. All are people, who at one time or another, have read the exact same work I have, and have enjoyed it enough to make a comment. And it’s not just fanfic either, it’s YouTube comments, it’s old vine compilations, it’s late 90s and early 2000s music. It goes beyond nostalgia, it is for just a moment, seeing peaks into peoples lives in a more in-depth way than any history book I have ever read. It is a diary of humanity when things were easier, when we were all young and bright eyed and full of hope.

I feel that since Covid, even before it, the world has been so dull. Colors are faded, and sounds are muted, and smiles aren’t as wide anymore. But tonight, even if for one moment, I caught a glimpse of what once was. I saw the beginning of a world I had just discovered over 10 years ago. I saw a hole in history, and I remembered myself. I remembered humanity. I remember when I cared about people beyond a surface level, when I had empathy and sympathy carved so deep into my heart that I bled comfort and love. I remembered the little things, the fallen log in the woods behind my papas house, just past the field that was decided by and electric pole, and the hill covered in cherry blossoms that I dug arrow heads up from, I remembered my wooden easel that I painted when I ran out of paper, and my bed frame that was once white and ended in an array of pastel colors. I remember when I liked pink and purple like the walls of my bedroom before first grade. I remembered when I started to hate pink and purple. I remembered the bullies from elementary school. I remember my fourth grade teacher convincing me to read The Stone Child, and how it was the first time I had finished a proper book. I remember looking for any horror book I could find after. I remember starting middle school and being so scared of what would come. I remember making a huge card for my seventh grade math teacher because he was retiring, and him hugging me and the other student who helped, because I don’t think he expected that from any of us. I remember starting highschool and trying to figure out who I was. I remember my mom getting cancer. I remember theatre being an escape. I remember friends I haven’t spoken to in years, and some I still speak to today. I remember the little kid who would think “future me, please tell me it will be okay” and I now think of the adult me who says, “yeah, it will be”.

Maybe this is all nonsensical rambling, but now I can’t help but think of a game I played for the first time after watching YouTubers play it online. There’s a specific quote that I don’t think I really understood until this moment, one that I saw make others cry in…I’m not sure, relief? Sadness? Happiness?

“Despite everything, it’s still you”

Despite everything, reading those comments on a random ballerina AU fic written over 10 years ago reminded me that yes, after everything that has happened, things I’ve caused and things I’ve never had control over, the little kid who believed in people still exists. She is a part of me that has never and always existed. Everything she was, and everything she ever will be, is who I am. Everything any child was and will ever be is who they are. Everything a child could have been and will be, is who humanity is.

We are angry, and selfish, and cruel.

But

We are kind, and we are hopeful, and we are love.

Not that we are loved, or that we do love

We are the embodiment of the concept.

And this is all the sleep deprived ramblings of a 21 year old who has no idea if I am actually writing this or if I am just dreaming it. Who knows, either way I won’t remember it in the morning. Tbh I barely remember it now.

[wannabanauthor]

So Tim Minear,

Season 7 had Buck heading out with a spend-a-night bag to be with Tommy after his shift, and all of a sudden Tommy doesn’t want to move in together?

Also, Bobby gave his blessing, so did Eddie, Tommy made sure to include Eddie as much as he could while he was dating Buck.

See what I’m getting at here?

If Tommy is truly gone from the show forever, you’re fucking idiot. A new kind of stupid. A “you didn’t think that through” kind of stupid.

I’ve given as many explanations as I can for your subpar writing, but in the end it all comes back to “you’re really fucking stupid”.

Not to mention the Abby retcon, which doesn’t even match up with previous canon.

You really thought 2024 was the year to play with queer people even though you pulled out some early 2000’s harmful queer tropes?

I can’t even ask if you have debilitating ADHD because I have ADHD Combined type, and your show writing is on the same level as me when I was an undiagnosed teenager writing fanfiction.

Do you not have a show Bible?

Are you not embarrassed with this half-assed storyline?

Did you think you were going to be viewed as edgy?

After Game of Thrones last season? After The 100 went off the deep end?

On the same network as Shondaland?

Do you realize how bad you look? Fans have to dig deep into psychology to make your storyline make sense to the general audience and shippers.

Do you know how bad that is?

We need to stop letting mediocre white men write for shows. Y’all don’t know how to handle it.

You had so many golden opportunities with Tommy, and you threw it all away. For what exactly?

I really want to know what your reasoning or plan is.

What was the whole point just to retcon everything?

What was your end goal?

Please don’t tell me you thought you were being clever.

Because you weren’t.

You’re just a fucking idiot.

Plot twists need to make sense and the groundwork needs to be laid before executing it.

I want to have faith that you’re not this fucking stupid, but half the country voted for a convicted felon to be president.

I think you’re just stupid. Which is sad because there are so many other people who would love to have your career and not fuck it up.

Fucking hell, you’re really fucking stupid.

Not even a new level of stupid. Using 20 year old harmful queer tropes kind of stupid.

You weren’t even being original kind of stupid.

So fucking stupid that Trump is going to hire you as part of his cabinet.

Were you one of the ones googling what a tariff was?

Because that’s how fucking stupid you’re coming across.

Goodness gracious, you are just the worst.

And really fucking stupid.

[toxicopolis]

I know you don’t say you are nonhuman as a roleplay but is it for fun or another reason?

It’s not “for fun”, but that doesn’t mean I am opposed to having fun with it. I definitely didn’t wake up and decide to call myself non-human for no reason. It’s less about the label itself, but keep in mind that I’m answering as myself here and not on behalf of anyone else who may describe themselves similarly.

I grew up feeling very isolated from humanity. I was born intersex, and I was diagnosed as an infant. I never had surgery, and I was preeetty much told that my body was wrong and a contradiction to the only two subspecies of human (perisex cis male and perisex cis female) that exist. I grew up in the 2000s and didn’t know of anyone else who was intersex… or even trans or non-binary. I typically don’t like it when people group intersexuality in with anything else too much (such as being transgender), but at least seeing that there were other existing variations of the the binary I thought everyone except me fit into perfectly in the exact same way without any problems, it could have helped in some way. Alas, that was never my experience.

I did see some fictional characters who seemed to lack a biological sex in the traditional sense, but they were never human. I often found that they looked and were more interesting than the real people I knew, and I wished I looked less like those people and more like… some sort of different creature that would have been subject to different expectations.

I remember being distressed that I looked “too human” at a young age. It was the furthest thing from fun, and it’s not anything I would have ever chosen to feel. I also had undiagnosed ADHD growing up which lead me to hyperfixate on related topics such as body modification. It also made it harder for me to behave in the way I was “supposed to” and, again, made me feel different to everyone else.

I’m not sure if it was because of this, a case of me being born with some sort of structural brain abnormality, or a mixture of both, but I do, as an adult, have notable deficits in particular areas of the brain. I think differently than others, and I lack certain traits that are considered part of one’s “humanity”. It can be harder to understand others when you can’t relate to them.

All of this said, I was never bullied. There was no clear “bad person” to blame for my feelings of isolation. After all, I had people to talk casually to, and I was even quite “popular” at some stages in my life. It just felt like I was the problem.

The only choice I made was that I didn’t need people. I can still be my own something even if it never felt exactly accurate to say I was my own person. I’d rather be my own thing entirely, preferably with glowing eyes or something like that, than be the kind of bitch to wallow in misery. I see the non-human label as a way to reclaim the alienation, and I sometimes compare myself to existing non-human entities, such as vampires or demons, as a form of self-expression. That’s the fun part, I guess.

I’m not acting inauthentically, and I’m not looking in the mirror and seeing something that isn’t there. I am just simply myself, and I define who I am on my own terms in my own way.

I also reclaim being villainous or evil in a light-hearted manner due to my feelings of isolation from society and the way I was treated as different in an inherently negative way due to my neurodivergence and status as being mentally “ill”.

Please note that I’m not saying that being intersex, neurodivergent, or mentally ill makes you inherently less human or “wrong” in any way. I’m simply saying that my experiences due to those aspects of my identity influenced me in this way.

[xxoxobree]

hiya!! i don’t know if your matchups are still open, but if not, ignore this!! id like to request a match up with miles 1610/42.

i’m quite shy and reserved but i could be considered an ambivert when i’m around ppl i trust. i’m a very sarcastic person and i think i have pretty good comedic timing. i put others before me and i really just want others to be safe and happy. i am jokingly flirty with my friends that i trust and i love being close to my friends (like sitting close and leaning on their shoulders, etc)

only a little bit abt my looks; i have curly hair with chunky highlights (blonde, brown and a purple maroon)

i like movies (horror), animals (bats), music, sleeping, baking, reading, podcasts, food, helping others, animated movies, lengthy deep discussions

i dislike small spaces, the dark, rude and obnoxious people, toxic people, bigotry

my main hobbies are dance and film analysing

my music taste is so random i love everything (metal to rock to foreign music to rap to anti-pop to hyperpop to pop) but i rly love 2000s pop and alternative music (like metal, goth, punk, etc). i esp love gorillaz

thank you and have a good day/evening!

Hey babe (I would love to hear your thoughts on films, that’s so cool that you analyze them.)

You’re A Miles G girl 😌for sure!

Is sarcastic too, he get on your nerves (taste of your own medicine)

He’s witty too and matches your energy when it tile to flirt, he probably leaves you speechless most of the time tho . The couple that flirts all the time and makes everyone gag.

He laughs hard at all your jokes but refuses to call you funny, is jealous when other guys find you funny

You two share the same “put others first” ideal so I can see a lot of check up text and conversations between you two and immediate response to something feeling/being wrong.

He will not watch the horror movies with you 😂😂 ask you how do you enjoy it. If he does watch with you be prepared for a lengthy text of the nightmare he had.

He is Puerto Rican and got moves, will dance with you and teach you dances.

Probably makes fun of you liking “old” music but you can make fun of him too because he listens to all of Aaron’s old vinyls

Will watch Animations with you, prefers them over live action.

Doesn’t mind you being touchy,sinks into your touch every time it calms him.

LATE NIGHT TALKS, will talk to you about anything, his brains runs a miles a minute and is happy he has someone that he can express himself with

Hope this was good 🥰🥰

[andrbllts]

My Cousin Just Commited Suicide

Last night, while I was at work, packing my bag for my flight back to Manila the next day, in my cold, spacious hotel room here in Cebu, I received a message that sent chills down my spine. It was from Gab’s yaya, and what she said left me shaken: my 21-year-old cousin, Oneil, had just tried to take his own life. For a moment, everything felt unreal. Then she told me that Oneil was saved in time by his older brother, Regil. Relief washed over me, but the shock stayed. I immediately asked for more details.

It was around 11 PM, and the whole house was asleep when Regil woke up to a strange crackling noise coming from the bathroom, followed by the disturbing sound of someone choking. Something didn’t feel right. He got up to check and saw a sight no one should ever see: Oneil, hanging from the ceiling with a thick nylon rope around his neck, eyes wide open and red. He was on the brink of death. If Regil had been just a second too late, we would’ve lost him.

The whole house erupted in panic. Tears filled the room as they realized what almost happened. But the question lingered-why? Why would Oniel do this?

It felt all too familiar. Four years ago, Oneil’s 2nd older brother ended his life in the exact same place, in the exact same way, at the same age. Maybe it was the grief he carried—his mother’s death, his father’s stroke that left him bedridden, or the passing of our grandmother just last December, whom Oneil was very closed to. Maybe it was stress at work, a rough breakup, or the pressure of becoming a father so soon. There are countless possibilities, but none of us really know.

Oneil was always quiet, but he seemed fine. Always smiling, always kind. He was never the type to show when something was wrong. After the attempt, family members tried to talk to him, to remind him that we love him and he’s not alone. But he just stared blankly, no emotion on his face, not a single word. We’ve decided to give him time, but we’re making sure he’s never alone.

And then, as if the universe wanted to drive home the point, I saw a post from a friend’s partner about someone else who just committed suicide awhile ago. It’s becoming a painful pattern, and I can’t help but wonder—why does this keep happening?

I’ve known people who have taken their own lives. I’ve attended their funerals, seen the grief they left behind, and watched families break apart. I remember asking myself, “How could they do this? Didn’t they see the people who loved them?” But deep down, I understood. Because I’ve been there, too.

I know how those dark thoughts can sneak up on you. I know what it’s like to be overwhelmed by pain, to feel like you’re drowning with no way out. I’ve mourned for those who couldn’t keep going, and I’ve also stood at the edge, wondering how I would make it through.

But why? Why does it get that bad? There are so many reasons—life trauma, depression, anxiety, feeling like you don’t belong, or just being exhausted by the constant struggles. Sometimes, there’s no explanation at all. Sometimes, the pain just doesn’t make sense.

I remember a service I attended at Victory Church The Fort. Pastor Gilbert Foliente spoke about suicide awareness and the battles we all face in silence. He told us that we need to be there for each other, to pay attention, to listen. He emphasized that suicide is never the solution. It’s a permanent response to a temporary problem. And for the people left behind, it’s a wound that never truly heals.

There will be days that feel impossible to get through. Days when it seems like everything is falling apart. But those are the times you need to hold on the most. Because there will also be better days. I still have moments when I feel like I’m suffocating, like every time I try to breathe, I get pulled back down. But in those moments, I think of the people who love me—my family, my son. I think of the dreams I still want to chase, the places I still want to see, the person I want to become.

If you ever find yourself in that place, reach out for help. Talk to someone. It doesn’t have to be a professional—just someone who will listen. Try new things, pick up a hobby, listen to music that makes you feel alive, take a walk, or hold on to something—anything—that gives you hope. Don’t break someone else’s heart by leaving your own behind. Even if you can’t see it now, someone out there needs you. Someone loves you. Stay alive long enough to see how your story unfolds. Keep going, even when it’s hard. Keep fighting, even when you want to give up.

Because you’re worth fighting for. You matter, even if you can’t see it right now. And your story isn’t over. Keep living, keep fighting, someone out there is bound to genuinely love you for who you are despite your shortcomings and always remember to never let the darkness win.

PS:

he's now safe and well. TYG. ❤

[mishydraws]

Very... very unfortunate life update

Hi, everyone.

Ok, I don’t want to waste your time but I wanted to be upfront about what’s going on in my life just so you all know.

Last night I got what is probably one of the worst emails that could have ever appeared in my inbox? Our landlord has given us a 60-day notice to get out. For context, my mom and I have been living here since the year 2000. We have never been late on rent or missed a payment despite every difficulty life has thrown at us in that time and this has completely blindsided us.

We haven’t spoken to any of the neighbors yet but some of the wording on the notice makes me think that they may be kicking out the entire building. Or maybe they’re just targeting those of us in the non-renovated units because we’ve been here so long and they could charge a new tenant much more with a quick kitchen and bathroom upgrade. Renoviction is a new word I just learned. I don’t know. That’s what happened to my brother at his last apartment. They kicked out everyone in his building, renovated, raised the rent, then let new people move in.

They suddenly started increasing our rent every year like clockwork a few years ago so I’ve had a feeling they’ve been trying to price us out for a while but I didn’t know they could just… tell us to leave just because they can. Rent consistently paid up and everything for 24 years.

The notice we received really doesn’t say much so it’s all speculation I guess. It doesn’t state a reason why it just says we need to be gone by March 31st.

But basically, I’m really not doing well right now in all honesty. I slept for maybe an hour last night and it’s like a switch flipped in me as soon as I read the email. My stomach has had this weird knotted feeling ever since and I can’t stand up for more than a few minutes before needing to lie down again in case I either faint or vomit… I’m not sure which but it’s been this way since last night. I had to stand up at the sink to wash one singular dish from dinner and I could barely do it. At least I didn’t see the email until after I ate last night because I still have no appetite now.

However bad I’m feeling I know my mom is probably feeling worse. She has been for a while. She’s getting older and my dad is no longer alive. Aside from my brother and one irl friend I still see in person regularly, we have no family or other support system in this country and are well and truly on our own, staring down the barrel of homelessness if we can’t quickly secure a place and move decades worth of our life there before the end of March.

All of this to say, I don’t know what our usual art shenanigans here are going to look like during this time. I am incredibly stressed to the point where I am physically ill but I also can’t pause and step away because I do need the income that I receive from your support of me/my art here. It’s just the reality. I’ve never been particularly Big And Successful with what I do so your support means all the much more and makes a real impact on my life.

I am so sorry if this dampens your mood at all today or if you notice a decrease in the quality of art I’m able to deliver over the next few months but I will try my best to keep things rolling and let you know if there’s any particular delays to expect.

To top it off, I requested a tour of a nearby apartment last night (more expensive than our current) and the name of the person who just texted me back has the same name as our current landlord. Who wants to start taking bets? I know for a fact they own a lot of property in the area so this isn’t looking promising.

Anyways. Sorry for this downer of a post. If we’re not homeless in 2 months then… I dunno. I’ll have somewhere indoors to do art? Yay? You can imagine the housing market we’re dealing with being in California. The prospect of moving at this point has always been one of my biggest fears but we’ll see if we get lucky real fast 😢

If you've ever thought about supporting my Patreon or anything else, now and over the next few months might be a good time if you can swing it. Maybe it'll help us secure a place to move if I can point to it and be like 'Look! A whole income!' 🥲 Idk man.

There's an art update in the (public) post I made if you want to see what we're at least trying to work on for sticker club through all of this.

Mishy