#i’m sorry for my unhinged behaviour lately

[dollyyun]

can you do continuation for the "video call"? it's sooooo good 😭, i need to know what happened next..

the way i already planned to write a part 2 of video call in advanced (i can’t help it IM A HORNDOG FOR HIM)

[gyuswhore]

the story of us ✦ j.w.w x reader

the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now - the story of us

synopsis: So many walls that you can't break through; except you do.

wc: 2.1K

contains: best friends to lovers, angst, fluff, humour, happy ending, alcohol, arguments

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[a/n]: im exhausted, im loopy, im hungry, but i really wanted to post this so here you go my babies I'm sorry i haven't fed you in so long (ty @toruro for making sure i wasn't talking out of my ass in this ily)

[edit; 11/04/24]: grammar and spelling.

Jeon Wonwoo was nearing boiling point when he watched you push him away from yet another conversation.

He tried to understand, just like he always had. But it was proving near impossible at the five-month mark. 

There were clear signs you exhibited when you needed space, for whatever reason, Wonwoo knew you would tell him when you recovered. So he gave you what you needed.

And yet, when he finds himself pushed away from what looks like a casual conversation between your mutual friends, he finds his mild annoyance grow into something hotter. 

There’s a clench in his jaw as he tries not to squeeze the red cup in his hand with too much pressure, even when all the spiteful bit of his brain wants to do is to pour its pigmented contents all over your cream outfit. He manages to control himself, choosing to get up and exit the premises entirely. In complete silence, he refuses to acknowledge any yell of his name from passing acquaintances. 

Jeon Wonwoo refused to respond to any of your advances after that. 

Invitations to lunch were left on a jarring sent, the notification sitting in his log until he chooses to open it too late. His response was bare when you asked for help on some accounting concepts, pushing you over into Jihoon’s hands to fulfill your requirements. There’s a blatant shrug when you touch his shoulder, concerned, asking why his behaviour had become so distant in the past weeks; he responds with a mumble of, “just tired”.

The great divide happened a few days proceeding your birthday, one for which Wonwoo did nothing for but send you a quick message during the evening, never to see you throughout the extended day. 

“I can’t believe you’re putting this on me!” you all but yell, eyes wide and expression exasperated at the situation.

“Are you blind? Or just plain stupid? Because I didn’t tolerate months of your shit attitude to have you say it isn’t your fault.” Wonwoo is breathing heavily, hands motioning towards your entire figure with equal disbelief.

“What attitude?” you emphasize. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know I couldn’t be upfront with my best friend.”

“There’s a difference between being in a mood and blatant disrespect. I’m tired of having to put up with your mood swings like it’s my responsibility to coddle you. When was the last time you genuinely asked me how I was doing?”

“All the time!”

“Yeah, after you realize there's nobody else to whine and wail to!”

“Wonwoo, you’re being ridiculous.”

“Fine. If I’m clearly so unhinged, I’ll leave you to your liking.” 

The dwindled interactions, from messages to hellos, went from sparing to nonexistent — just like that. 

You’d be lying if you said you didn’t expect for you and Wonwoo to reconcile in the matter of a few days, if not a couple weeks.

But when the distance did nothing but grow larger, there was a settle of resentment in the pit of your stomach as you accepted the feud you were in. 

A text was sent from your phone a couple days after the incident.

[You]: can we talk?

But when you see no sign of the grey Delivered on the end, you knew he had blocked you. 

This was all nothing less than baffling to you for a number of reasons, starting with how you had never witnessed Wowoo acting this way. 

Wonwoo had done nothing but reprimand you the rare chance you suggested blocking an apprehensive individual, something about not showing that you cared. His voice seemed redundant after a certain decibel, the rarest chance to witness him yell at a failed video game or a frustrating professor. 

You know better, which is the only reason you’re ruling off paranormal possession. 

The claims against you came as an afterthought, not, however, rendering them any less strange. There’s a part of you that pondered if your shield of annoyance blocked you from seeing the truth in his words and in your behaviour, finding yourself overwhelmed with emotions when the thought crossed your mind, tears of frustration immediately blurring your vision. 

You did not understand, you could not. And when it all got too much, you allowed the hurt and confusion to turn into something more dangerous. You replaced it with anger, in the same place that once occupied a more delicate emotion. 

There was an uproar in Wonwoo’s mind when he sees you walk into the lecture hall, unaware of your overlapping schedule in the new semester. He watches as your eyes pass over the moderately packed space, briefly glancing over where he sat; if you saw him, you did nothing to bring a reaction out of it. You take a seat a few rows up front, right in front of him where he’s able to see the back of your head for the next two hours — for the rest of the semester. 

He wonders if it’s too late to switch classes. 

“Wonwoo, I honestly think this is getting out of hand.” Jihoon munches on his cashews, leaning against bark of the tree they were both sat under. 

“Did you want me to keep tending to her bullshit then?” he grumbles.

“That’s not what I’m saying, you know it’s not.”

“That’s what it sounds like.” Wonwoo’s retort is brisk.

Jihoon is suddenly snapping his fingers in his face at the reply, a flinch accompanies Wonwoo’s already sour expression. 

“See! See how frustrating it is when somebody isn’t making sense?” 

“How does this—” 

“Wonwoo, did you try talking to her about how you felt, you know, without the screaming?” 

Jihoon watches as Wonwoo’s expression clears out, his eyebrows unfurrowing and the scowl fading. He doesn’t speak, choosing to let the realization kick in.

“No.” 

Jihoon sighs, taking another pause. “I’m not saying what she did wasn’t uncalled for, but you need to talk shit out before deciding you hate each other.”

“I don’t hate her.”

“Right, so can we wrap this up quickly and have you confess your undying love so we can all relax.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Heat crawls up Wonwoo’s cheeks.

“What? If you don’t hate her, it’s gotta be the opposite.”

Did Wonwoo like you? Yeah, he probably did. Did he ever let himself ponder upon it? No, because he was downright mortified of the mere thought. He finds himself a hypocrite to say it was to preserve your friendship, but he figures he’s fucked it up in a way that’s arguably worse. 

Regardless, Wonwoo walks away from that conversation with two things: a stark realization, and an even starker admittance. 

Everything was going wrong. At least that’s what it felt like when you hear the clang of your water bottle hit the pavement, rolling off into the oncoming traffic as you sprint to grab it. You nearly cause a vehicle pile-up, swallowing a couple profanities from braking drivers. 

You’re stuffing the darn thing into your bag when you trip on a loose brick on the path, nearly landing on your face. The glare you send into the pavement costs you even more when a hard shoulder bumps into your side, sending you another couple steps back. You don’t bother to see who the perpetrator is, too preoccupied with your attempts to take in deeper breaths amid the blankness of your mind. 

There are no hiccups after that, what you might owe your more conscious mind to. Stomping up the library steps, you thank nothingness for the air conditioning that meets your hot face, slowing down as you take in the crowd. 

Scanning the room for an empty seat is harder than you’d anticipated, hoping the heat would keep students away from the building as you left to get work done. Approaching a table, you set down your bag with a huff, pulling the chair out to finally take the seat you’ve been needing for so long. 

The universe seems to have other plans. 

It’s almost funny the way you and Wonwoo make eye contact across the other table, the recognition sending a jolt through your stomach. 

You’ve never moved so fast, pushing the chair back in with a screech that earns you a few looks, grabbing the handles of your bag as you turn around to leave the building you’d just entered. 

No way you'd sit there. Not when he was around.

You're bounding down the steps when somebody passes you, murmuring something without slowing their stride.

“I’m leaving, you can go inside,” Wonwoo says, and the sound of his voice has you halting almost immediately.

Whipping your head around to search for the sound, you watch as he takes a turn at the end of the steps, slowly moving out of your vision. 

There’s a swirl of something in your chest, and you realise in that moment how much you missed hearing his voice. 

Chiding yourself, you blink back the water that wells up in your eyes, embarrassed at how quickly you were losing yourself.

But the damage was done. And you wanted to be reckless, regardless of how desperate it made you look. A split second decision is made in that moment, one that lightens the heavy feet that you’ve planted on the concrete. 

You’re back to bounding down the steps, but this time with aim. 

Taking the same turn you saw Wonwoo take, you break into a sprint as you see his figure move farther away. You keep running, continuing to bump into both objects and people, hurried "sorry"'s the only thing you choose to throw their way. 

“Wonwoo!” Your voice comes out stronger than you’d intended, the sharpness having him turn around in search, eyes landing on your accelerating figure. 

Both of you realize too late how fast you’re really going, the velocity taking you directly into his outstretched arms, hands grasping the sleeves of his shirt as you come to screeching stop directly into his chest. 

You don’t have the time nor the patience to be embarrassed, pulling your face back to look directly into Wonwoo’s bewildered eyes to huff out your next words.

“Why did you block me?” you ask, voice gruff and slightly out of breath.

Wonwoo’s mouth opens and closes like a fish, words refusing to come out. 

“Why are you so mad at me? Why are you being nice to me if you’re mad at me?” You don’t stop, the direct questions tumbling off your tongue in desperation. 

You search his face for an answer when his mouth fails, but all you find is the remnants of shock yet to ebb away. 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for making you feel like you weren’t important, I’m sorry for taking your presence for granted, I’m sorry for hurting you, I’m sorry for…for… I don’t know! I’m just really sorry and I don't know how else to make this right.”

“I’m sorry, too,” you hear him say and you feel the moisture return to your eyes. 

“Huh?”

“I should’ve…” he pauses, looking sheepish. “I should’ve talked to you before I, y’know, went off on you. I should’ve managed my feelings better, I’m sorry.” 

You're silent for a few tantalizing moments before you raise your fists, and pound down on his chest with everything you have. You do it again, and then again, and again—

“What?- Ow!” 

“When are you gonna stop bottling up your feelings for fucks sake, it’s landed you everywhere but good!” you say, nearly yelling.

Wonwoo whips his head around to see who’s listening, palm to mouth in attempts to silence you. 

“I’m sorry! I know! I’m working on it,” he rambles, trying to get you to quit struggling. “Jihoon and I talked, that’s why I realised I was being dumb.”

“Are you gonna unblock me now or do I need to pay Jihoon to sit down with you again?”

Wonwoo’s eyebrows furrow. “You payed Jihoon to sit with me?”

“No, you idiot. But I should have because you can’t seem to figure out how to feel emotions.” 

Wonwoo can’t help himself when he breaks out into a grin, letting out a breathy chuckle that has you asking “What?”.

He pulls you in, heart to heart in an embrace, holding you tight to make up for the weeks of no contact. He breathes in your scent and feels as though he hasn’t in years. 

“I’m not gonna come running up to you the next time you decide you hate me,” you mumble into his shoulder, pouting slightly.

“I love you.” 

“I love you, too.” 

“No.” Wonwoo pulls away but keeps you in his arms, looking at you, “I love you. Like, the kind of stuff that makes you wanna live together forever. I love you.” 

It’s your turn to gape like a fish. 

“W-what?”

“You told me not to bottle up my feelings.” 

“Yeah, but—wow, um.” 

“Did I make another mistake?” 

No! You wanted to scream. But you don’t. You instead lift your hands up to come around his face, cradling it. And you kissed him. 

“I love you, too. Like the live together forever kind.” 

[writtenbygracewilliams]

Ranking my fics from this year

This is for funsies and also my own rankings of my own fics. If you have a fave, I would love to hear what and why. Also thank you so so so much.

[This is only new works I’ve posted on ao3 this year, up until The People We’re Made Of which I only posted yesterday. All are complete. No tumblr drabbles are included, nor is my baby Obligated].

15. Last Night

Written in 48 hours of January 2020, I pulled this Calum Hood x Jake Peralta one shot from the vault. It’s not my best writing, but it’s fun. I’m loyal to my unhinged crossovers, but it was the only one I posted this year!

14. Beautiful Night

Also from the deep vault, this was a Mashton one shot written in late 2022. It’s a bit left field, and mashton are easily the least popular 5sos ship, but I do love soft and fluffy so this is that. Soft bois, as the series is titled.

13. you only wanna love me in the dark

This is very emo and angsty mcdanno, which is sometimes what we need, but it makes me sad :( it’s based off the PeachPRC song Secret, that I had on repeat for weeks after it came out and related to a bit too much.

12. Appropriate Workplace Behaviour

Mcdanno I’m sorry for another low ranking, especially because I do really love this one shot. This is where the ranking got harder. It’s silly goofy fun, and one of my go to feel good fics. Chin is an icon, Lou is as sassy as ever, and Joons and Tani are traumatised. Steve and Danny just love each other, that’s not a crime. (It might be.)

11. My Delicate Flower

A sequel to @sissytobitch10seconds fic! As a long time mpreg lover, I was deeply hooked on the idea of Anthony carrying Hyacinth and had soooo much fun expanding on this idea and universe. I have another follow up very slowly moving along in my drafts.

10. Never Been Kissed

The sequel to Strawberry Kisses, this is another silly goofy feel good short story. This is a bit crack, but honestly had such a fun time writing and creating this fic and thus spreading the Nikki Webster agenda. Also, farm life Kanthony???? Yes.

9. Laws of Attraction

This isn’t even my favourite suits fic that I’ve written (though it’s still the only one I’ve posted 😭) but I value not only it being my first suits post, but also the speed at which I wrote and posted it. I overthink things a lot and lock fics in my vault, so writing, editing and posting in under two weeks was liberating for me. It is peak stupid idiots to lovers marvey.

8. Alignment

There is such tight competition in the top ten I love all my darlings, so it’s a shame this is as high as mcdanno got. I actually wrote this mid 2023, a year before I posted it, but it holds a special place in my heart for lots of reasons. It’s the longest fic I’d written and finished in a while, helping get me back into the groove of multi chaps, and it’s also the first thing I’d done using my beloved world building from ease but in a completely new fandom and setting. Soulmates will always be my fave trope.

7. touch me ‘til I find myself

White Collar!!!! Neal Caffrey and David Siegel are in love, it’s true. I had lots of fun exploring their relationship, and how and why David is in many ways the only perfect person for Neal. I want to do it again.

6. Strawberry Kisses

Narrowly missing out a top 5 spot, Strawberry Kisses (and Never Been Kissed) were incredibly self indulgent and supported by the lovely @newtonsheffield. This fic reignited my childhood in a way that made me soft and gooey on the inside. Nikki Webster you will always be famous.

5. Ignorance Is Bliss

Maybe it’s recency bias, because I just reread this a couple days ago, but I truly love this fic. It’s written quite differently to most of my other stuff, which made it fun. One of my favourite things about writing is exploring techniques and styles, and this allowed and captured that. I’m also an ABO lover, and writing Kanthony ABO in a way that felt very authentic to canon was so enjoyable.

4. Bittersweet

The first Bridgerton fic I posted!!! And it’s lesbian!!! And I wrote and posted it within 24 hours!!! Of course it made the top five. I’m an Edwina lesbian truther, so Franwina felt like a natural experiment to do. Had fun, might revisit the ship in a less emo setting.

3. Ja Pense A Toi

TAFFREY. MY BABIES. Truly no one will ever understand what Neal Caffrey and Gordon Taylor mean to me, but I am trying to spread the agenda. I have two more WIP’s for them, but I digress. Writing their adventures in Paris felt very natural, and I like to think that the two versions of Neal I have (him with Siegel or Taylor) are the devil vs the angel in him.

2. The Compensation Explanation

Maybe a left field choice, as the only big bang theory fic I have posted and probably ever will post. It’s the first thing I posted in 2024, which is sentimental in itself, but this one shot is just special. It’s sad, a little angsty and soft around the edges. It’s a story of being comphet from a deeply religious upbringing and mother, even if she always has and always will love you deeply, and about both the mother and son grappling with relationships—her with god and her son, him with his mother and boyfriend. It feels like a hug in fic form, and it’s one of my own things I reread the most.

1. To Commandeer a Husband

It would be unfair to put anything except this baby as number one. It was my longest (completed) fic in years. The first Bridgerton fic I wrote, how I got my first mutual and beta on here (@tofanasmuse thank you ilysm) and fundamental in building so many parts of my community. Even if it was largely built out of my bottom Anthony agenda and powerful women kink; I love these characters, their dynamics and their relationships so much. Also, writing a Whistledown to start every chapter was so much fun. I promise I’m working on a benophie sequel lol.

Thank you to anyone who read anything I wrote this year, let alone this post that is mostly just for fun. I wanna turn this into a game??? Everyone please rate your fics from the year, I’m so curious and I think it’s fun. You can rank them using whatever metrics you want. You can rank WIPs, smaus, tumblr fics, whatever you like!

I’m tagging @newtonsheffield @hydriotaphia @tofanasmuse @harnitbee but please truly anyone can do this I promise the last thing I’m doing is gate keeping. Let’s all celebrate the year we’ve had, and art we’ve created!

–GW xo

[uhhhhhhyikes]

i don't know if you're active here anymore but thank you for making this blog. it's hard to criticize radblr's vehement hatred for osa women without people claiming you're trying to say "hEtErOpHoBiA" is real, but it's a huge problem. even if it's not exactly bigotry, describing osa women in pornographic terms and then trying to say it's fine to objectify them because lesbians are also objectified is really gross and is the exact same kind of oppression olympics tra's use when they're being homophobic/sexist. again, thank you. this blog really helps me keep my sanity.

I do pop in from time to time, though I’ve been online less in general lately so I’m sorry if it seems abandoned here.

I also think it’s important to have a space to talk about this stuff happening, bc it is, but I’m also sitting on some ideas about how to try and change the approach to engaging them directly at some point. We’re all completely polarised and it’s so hard not to be, but I’m hoping one day we can all have these conversations out in the open without someone getting triggered and trying to shut it down. I mean that sincerely not like tRiGgErEd I mean like our actual traumas are being triggered on both sides when we encounter each others’ extreme views and we’re lashing out with sometimes equal extremity and none of us are coming out of it unscathed.

I’m coming to understand that, these people saying these unhinged things came to believe that for real reasons, bc of their own traumas or bc of witnessing the traumas of others. their feelings are understandable and even justified, even tho their behaviours are not. But they’re rooted in fear, and pain, and the extreme beliefs that they have serve to make them feel safe, which is why they get triggered when anyone disagrees with them. To them, their safety mechanism is being threatened.

So I think I will continue this blog but with a different approach/response to it, if I can manage it. It’s hard tho bc it’s quite difficult for us (me included ofc) not to get triggered by them for the same reason, when we encounter such blatant misogyny, the degrading language they use, the pornographic depictions of us, etc. So I am going to try and approach this from a non-triggered place, of openness and compassion, and see if it leads to better engagement from them and hopefully maybe shifting some of these deeply polarised people’s position. But I’ll have to maybe do it in metered doses so I can stay regulated.

I’m glad you can find some value in the blog, it can feel quite isolating otherwise I think. Much love to you!

[punkscowardschampions]

Chlu & Lolly & Golly

Chloé: Are you determined to kill me

Chloé: Do you have ANY respect for me or your father, just out of curiosity

Lulu: I told them not to even contact you & daddy, it isn’t my fault the request was overridden 

Chloé: They have to, for God’s sake, as you should well know

Chloé: and now we’re faced with the impossible decision of looking like terrible parents or ruining our holiday for this

Lulu: I’m sorry you were faced with such a horrid decision which you’re finding so difficult

Chloé: I’m sure you find yourself terribly original in this moment, you are nothing of the sort

Lulu: I find myself to be a lot of things in this moment, original has yet to make the list

Chloé: Was this really the best way to deal with your problems

Chloé: You couldn’t think of any other way

Lulu: Officially, I don’t have any problems & this was truly a frightful accident

Chloé: I expect this kind of behaviour from your sister

Chloé: but now I have to deal with you too, do I

Lulu: How exactly are you dealing with her? Because I don’t see any reprimands at all for her behaviour, she’s utterly living it up at grandma’s

Chloé: She’s never going to see that man ever again, if he’s any sense at all

Lulu: She doesn’t want to see him, mummy

Lulu: & vice versa, naturally

Chloé: I don’t believe that for a second, please don’t treat me like a fool

Lulu: Dolly told me so herself, she doesn’t care about him

Lulu: he was a means to an end

Chloé: Why would I believe you?

Chloé: You didn’t even know about him, allegedly 

Lulu: [send her the part/s of the convo where she said it]

Chloé: And that’s why you threw yourself out of a window, is it

Lulu: I fell

Chloé: No, you didn’t

Chloé: She reaffirmed what you already knew

Lulu: Yes, I did

Lulu: it’s a simple narrative to stick to

Chloé: I raised two ungrateful daughters who do nothing but lie and lie and lie

Lulu: If it makes you feel any better, you barely raised us

Chloé: Wow

Chloé: Just because you’re playing the melancholic does not mean you need to drag me down with you

Lulu: I tried my best not to, but don’t worry, next time I’ll wait until after I’ve turned 18

Chloé: Why are you doing this

Chloé: I thought you had ambitions 

Lulu: Oh please, you aren’t the slightest bit interested in why or you’d already have those answers

Chloé: Well, what an absolute waste of our time and resources

Chloé: I’m SO glad we paid for that school for Dolly to fuck a teacher and for you to turn out a complete basketcase

Lulu: Well, I’M glad you did, perhaps if you’d let me stay I wouldn’t be a complete basketcase 

Chloé: That is entirely out of the question, look how emotionally disturbed you are as is

Chloé: It’s time you grew up and entered the real world, I’m afraid

Lulu: I had to grow up when I was [insert a horrifically young age] & [insert a horrific anecdote of which there are millions to pick from because her parents are inappropriate af and unhinged and only care about each other]

Lulu: have you considered that could have potentially emotionally disturbed me?

Chloé: You weren’t like this before you went to that place

Chloé: don’t you think it tortures me how horrifically inappropriate they turned out to be? That I wish we had never sent you away?

Lulu: You sent us away when we were 7, yonks before we were old enough to attend there, you’ve always wished we weren’t around

Chloé: How could you say such awful things

Lulu: Because you’re more upset that your holiday is in ruins than you are about the damage done to my body

Chloé: You need to understand that what you did is a wholly selfish thing, so you never do it again

Lulu: Everything you do is wholly selfish!

Chloé: I am a mother, I NEVER get to be selfish

Lulu: When? When are you EVER a mother?

Chloé: Since I was barely older than you!

Chloé: I would LOVE to see you try, you are as useless as you were when you were born, still so fussy and needy

Lulu: I’d love to see you try, except you can’t because it’s far too late, you abandoned Mattie literally when she was born & you barely managed much longer with Dolly & I

Lulu: [do a maths sum like a nerd which is giving you two so her love already divided by 2 and then again for how long you were always at your grandparents and the fact she only did 7 years before she started on this boarding school stuff]

Chloé: I didn’t abandon Matilda, I was forced out of my home and my marriage

Chloé: Try having nothing, and no one, because that is how James left me and how your father found me

Lulu: That is how I’ve been left, with nothing & no one

Chloé: Your doting fucking perfect grandmother and grandfather rushed to your side

Chloé: You are so cosseted you have no clue how good you have it

Lulu: Of course, they feel guilty for being MIA for yonks & yonks because they’re on her side

Chloé: Don’t be so ridiculous, there are no sides

Lulu: Yes there are, they dote on her now, not me

Chloé: Nonsense, I know my own parents, thank you very much

Lulu: Oh good, then you know how much they say beastly things about you 

Lulu: it’s my turn too apparently, I’ve heard grandma, she hates me

Chloé: Ha! Trust me, they were not the people they are today, how else would I end up in such dire straights as I did

Chloé: but they’ve made it up to me, as well as they can, by being devoted grandparents, as much as it pains me to see them treat you how they never did me

Lulu: I was awfully foolish to think you might actually believe me, it’s clearly the pain meds I’m on sending me loopy or some kind of delayed shock

Chloé: Believe you about what, falling from the window

Lulu: About grandma, but okay, as we’re moving on, that too

Lulu: I did do it for you, after all, given how poorly you’re still managing the previous scandal

Chloé: You’re not to ever repeat that bullshit out loud again, unless you want to end up a permanent resident of [giving a private and fancy asylum]

Chloé: You’ve given yourself more brain damage with the fall

Lulu: I’d adore it, the alternative being more of your bullshit regime, your threats are therefore null & void

Chloé: Regime, ha!

Chloé: You have a free house for the whole holidays, do you know what that’s called, free rein and I would have thrown parties every night 

Chloé: Again, you don’t know you’re born

Lulu: Darling, it’s called neglect, bad luck

Lulu: & obviously you haven’t grasped the amount of trouble you’d be in if I hadn’t lied, enjoy your own freedom, mummy

Chloé: Trouble, for your fucked brain, I think not

Chloé: You’re [I think 16/17 but I’m not saying for sure, you get the point anyway] and your grandparents are looking after you and your sister

Chloé: Honestly, one minute I’m Kate McCann and the next I’m some kind of Fritzl, you can’t have it both ways, darling

Lulu: You have the audacity to call me selfish, when I’m protecting your reputation from being in further tatters

Lulu: goodness knows why when this is the thanks I get

Chloé: Protecting my reputation by clearly throwing yourself from [whatever floor is the highest in your house because we’re being dramatic]

Chloé: How are you so damned stupid, Lulu!

Chloé: You may have convinced them to put the tranquilisers down but NO ONE, I repeat, NO ONE ELSE is going to believe that lie

Lulu: Wow, I’m supposed to be the beyond hysterical one 🙄

Lulu: It was from my bedroom on the second floor & your friends will, daddy’s family will, all of them are stupider than I could dare to be in my wildest dreams

Lulu: Who else’s opinion matters to you suddenly?

Chloé: Your arrogance is ugly and what makes you the stupidest

Chloé: You’re a child, everyone will be too polite to question your tall tale but they’ll know and the knowing glances will be exchanged 

Lulu: Your contradictions are hilarious, a moment ago I was [her age] & absolutely not in any way a child

Lulu: my apologies, mother, are you going to get tired of it? Because guess what, I’m exhausted too, join the club

Chloé: You’ve zero common sense, zero street smarts

Chloé: this is what comes of sending you to that backwards backwoods school, I should have NEVER let you talk me into that, the mistake has cost me greatly ever since

Lulu: No, I don’t tend to walk the streets like you did at my age, I’m afraid

Lulu: but fear not, I’m sure an unwanted pregnancy can be arranged instead of a university place, since my ideas are THAT bad

Chloé: You live in London, not the Swiss Alps

Chloé: Your lack of friends here before was alarming, how are you going to make any now you’ve crippled yourself

Lulu: [correct her on the exact geography of wherever you were in your beloved switzerland]

Lulu: & I haven’t crippled myself, get a grip

Chloé: I don’t care, Heidi, the dream is dead

Chloé: Whatever you thought you were doing over there, is absolutely meaningless

Lulu: It is, you’re right, hence hoping for the sweet release of death

Chloé: I should have stopped at one child

Lulu: Evidently, as she’s SO perfect, it must be nice to be allowed to thrive without your influence, unfortunately I can’t relate

Chloé: At least Dolly was doing something real

Chloé: You spent the last [however long you’ve been at that school] doing what, being the biggest swot at the nunnery

Lulu: No one is shook to their core to hear sex is one of the only things that means anything to you

Chloé: School is not real life, that fairytale cult castle is especially not real life, you wasted your time

Lulu: You’ve never even had a fake job, what would you know?

Chloé: I’ve lived a life, darling

Lulu: Don’t come crying to me when that life is wrecked because you’ve blown through all the money by [an age that’s giving 5 to 10 years from how old she is now], I’ll refuse to help you

Chloé: Well, I’d assumed you’d have managed to successfully reach the sweet release of death by then

Chloé: Not counting on you

Lulu: That’s rich given your track record, how many times have you threatened to kill yourself, mummy? I’ve personally lost count

Chloé: When have I ever flung myself from the rooftop, you mental bitch

Chloé: A well-timed threat versus an insane action you can’t undo, not really giving brains of Britain, are you dear

Lulu: True, it’s a lot of stairs, you’d be more likely to die of a heart attack

Chloé: Says the anorexic, look that fact up

Lulu: It would be orthorexia, if anything

Lulu: a fact which a woman who has been controlling my diet since I was [however old] should probably have looked up

Chloé: Because you can’t be trusted to keep yourself alive

Chloé: No punchline, just the draining joke that you have made my life as your mother

Lulu: Because you can’t trusted to follow your own advice, I have to make you look good or else you’re a laughing stock among your own circles

Lulu: no punchline, it’s dreadfully unamusing at your big age everything you lack

Chloé: Everything I lack is because it was given to and for you and your sister

Lulu: How noble of you

Chloé: There once seemed a point, how foolish 

Lulu: On that point alone we at last discover some common ground

Chloé: We have nothing in common, and you are nothing like your father

Chloé: I don’t know what kind of genetic throwback you are

Lulu: What a relief, his face has been taxing enough to have to try & wear without being saddled with anything else

Chloé: Don’t talk about your father like that

Chloé: In fact, don’t contact either of us

Lulu: Okay

Chloé: You will not be spoiling our Summer

Chloé: Stay at your grandparents’, I’ll tell them they are to watch you far more closely until we are back and you are back in school

Lulu: Nothing could spoil your summer

Chloé: Not you, not this performance

Lulu: Message received 

Chloé: Goodbye

Lulu: [do it in french, the most slang and the most swiss way you can as a fuck you because not letting go of being heidi haha] 😘

Lulu: I told you so [but in french because it’s about Gabe and golly being over after their summer fling]

Dolly: You been working on that all summer?

Lulu: He’s been texting me since [whenever it started to go wrong, whether she’s giving a date here or a location where golly were in europe, because he would, that’s such a boy move]

Dolly: Ah, congratulations

Lulu: It’s hardly worth any, but thanks

Dolly: Next move is obvious, I hope you aren’t waiting for shock or tears

Lulu: Fear not, I’m solely waiting for school 🤓

Dolly: They’re letting you go

Lulu: Even with both wrists broken, still no shock or tears

Dolly: You’re welcome to him, welcome to the school

Lulu: I’m certainly not waiting for your permission, in either instance

Dolly: No shit

Lulu: Welcome home

Dolly: Good one

Lulu: If my sense of humour also fractured, it’s healed quicker

Dolly: I doubt we’d say it was anything close to healed ever

Lulu: Of course you wouldn’t & there is no we

Dolly: As if I’d come back and want that

Lulu: I know why you’re back, hence my opener

Dolly: I don’t see your point

Lulu: What a surprise

Lulu: you never do

Dolly: Lament at someone else

Dolly: I got what I wanted, so did he

Lulu: Why would I lament? He doesn’t want you any more, as predicted because he is nothing if not

Dolly: Wow, still your mother’s daughter, I’m so sorry

Lulu: Old habits die the hardest, especially when I don’t

Dolly: My condolences

Dolly: At least you got to dine out on that sob story with grandma and grandpa, if not your main targets

Lulu: It’s bad luck, a devoted sister would offer to slash my broken wrists for me ☹️

Dolly: A minute in your company turns devotion into indifference 

Dolly: The worst luck, maybe a family curse

Lulu: Has it been a minute already? Wow! ⏲

Lulu: I should really reply to Gabe, excuse me, it’s all so difficult while injured 🤕

Dolly: Do you imagine I’ll feel anything but pity for you both?

Dolly: You’re going to fuck a boy who found your mangled body and left with your sister and he’s well, Gabe

Dolly: I’ve never heard anything sadder

Lulu: Don’t be ridiculous, I’m not going to fuck him, I’m not you

Dolly: You think you’re being quippy but you won’t be able to resist

Dolly: on the off chance I’ll be as 😭 as you were

Lulu: He’s Gabe, he’s hardly irresistible 

Lulu: & he’s already told me everything about fucking you, naturally it would be IMPOSSIBLE for me to compete

Dolly: No, but he’s yours 

Dolly: 💔

Lulu: He’s what he is & has always been to me, sometimes marginally useful

Dolly: Sure he is, Loo

Lulu: No one’s 💔 over that boy

Dolly: You just threatened to kill yourself for no reason in the same breath you begged me to leave him alone

Lulu: I had my reasons, none of them about him, I told you that

Lulu: I’d have begged him if I wanted him, not you

Dolly: You really fluffed the narrative this time, didn’t you

Lulu: Yeah, doctors will believe anything it turns out, all you have to do is bat your eyelashes same as anywhere else 🥺

Dolly: What a useful skill

Lulu: I know, right? 😊

Dolly: We both had productive summers then

Lulu: Seems like it

Dolly: If you want me to feel betrayed that he’s told you shit, you’re labouring under the misapprehension that I thought either of you was to be trusted

Lulu: Oh no, I just wanted to feel something by being told & I did

Lulu: I don’t care about how numb you get to be again now you don’t have to pretend he’s fixing you by fucking you

Dolly: I’m not you

Dolly: I wasn’t pretending and I’m not going back

Lulu: Okay, if you say so

Dolly: Your inability to feel is your business

Lulu: I feel, it just isn’t ever triggered by his penis, bad luck for him

Dolly: You’ve confused pathologies for feelings

Lulu: Have I? Whoops

Dolly: You’ll never know the difference so it makes none

Lulu: & yet you felt the need to say it, clearly it makes a difference to you

Dolly: I feel, you would have had it be otherwise forever so you need reminding

Lulu: No, you needed reminding who you’re supposed to feel for & where your loyalties are meant to lie

Dolly: That’s what you were doing, seriously

Lulu: I’m your twin sister & you don’t care if I die!

Dolly: You weren’t going to die

Lulu: I wanted to, I miscalculated the landing

Dolly: And what is the point in that

Dolly: You’d be dead, any reaction is irrelevant 

Lulu: Living like this is worse than irrelevant

Dolly: No one has asked you to act like this

Lulu: You’re literally asking me to act completely different

Dolly: What have you done my entire life, you can’t last a minute? 

Dolly: Amateur 

Lulu: I didn’t force you to do anything, you have to stop saying that

Dolly: You want me to respect you forcing me to care with a suicide attempt when you don’t believe my truth

Lulu: I can’t believe you would reject me, you’re the one person who’s supposed to understand, me, this, all of it

Dolly: And what the fuck do you even know about me

Lulu: I’ve been with you for [however many years] through everything they did, everything it made us do

Dolly: Everything you wanted to do

Lulu: I didn’t want what happened to happen, Dolly, so sue me, okay?

Lulu: for god’s sake, don’t be horrid

Dolly: Yes you did because if I hadn’t put a stop to it, it would all still be happening now, wouldn’t it

Dolly: They weren’t there, when we were at school, none of it had to be the way it was

Lulu: At school I got you the attention of the only boy within what might as well have been hundreds of miles

Lulu: you wanted experiences, you said so yourself

Dolly: I didn’t need you to, I didn’t ask you to

Dolly: and it’s not as if you let me have it on my own

Lulu: Well, I was trying to help

Lulu: & as if I’d let some boy go near you on your own, he can’t be trusted, which you’ve also realised

Dolly: Jesus Christ!

Dolly: You can’t be trusted, it’s none of your business and the fact you made it yours is just so insane

Lulu: Then I’m insane, fine 🤪

Lulu: for protecting you, which is what families are meant to do

Dolly: Protecting me should extend to telling him to shut up if he goes around telling the whole school

Dolly: That isn’t what it was

Lulu: Basic human decency should extend to asking me how I am when I fall/throw myself out of a window, but you didn’t because you were too busy fucking him all over grandma’s house & then Europe

Dolly: You’ve made it abundantly clear there is no we

Dolly: and I knew that’s why you did it

Lulu: No one could ever make that clearer than you did

Lulu: Mummy & daddy don’t understand how important school is, but you knew & you took it anyway

Lulu: we might not even pass now, all those factors working against us

Dolly: There’s nothing else for you to do, of course you will

Lulu: You risked the only thing that matters when we barely had any time left, why couldn’t you just wait to stage your little revolt?

Dolly: I was done

Lulu: But I’m selfish

Dolly: It’s my life, I should have been living it for me the whole time

Lulu: If you’d spoken to me about this instead of lying to my face for [the length of teachergate] we could’ve both carried on living our lives, you didn’t have to blow mine up 

Dolly: You don’t understand

Lulu: You don’t communicate, I’ll go back in time & read your blinks, shall I? Because you’re truly only ever giving as much as a coma patient would

Dolly: You’ve never been in love, I don’t think you’d know how

Lulu: Ouch, who’s their mother’s daughter now?

Dolly: I’m only faking it anyway, right

Lulu: She thinks I’m worthless, you’re saying the same thing by believing I’m incapable of love

Dolly: It’s all her fault either way

Lulu: I’m the one who has to live with it, not her

Dolly: She doesn’t care, about nothing but herself

Lulu: Tell me something I don’t know

Lulu: my near-death experience didn’t cast a shadow over her scorching summer

Dolly: You’re the one still chasing her, beating that dead horse

Lulu: I’m done

Dolly: Good

Dolly: then it was all worth it

Lulu: She outdid herself this time

Lulu: I fail to see how anyone could fail a test more spectacularly, you & Gabe included

Dolly: If only a comparison to her could ever be a compliment

Dolly: She’s always predictable, if anyone is

Lulu: Everyone is 🥱

Dolly: Tell me something I don’t know

Lulu: You know now that summer’s over, congrats

Lulu: better late than never

Dolly: You were determined to have a terrible one

Lulu: My terrible time was determined by your beastly actions

Dolly: You want to act powerless now that suits your story better

Lulu: How aren’t I for real? I’m still alive, mortifyingly

Dolly: You should be grateful

Dolly: that would’ve been the most embarrassing death

Lulu: I’d be gone, I’d neither know nor care

Dolly: Time for plan B

Lulu: I’m aware of that, don’t waste yours stating the blatantly obvious

Dolly: You’re the one still moping, summer is over, time for a new bit

Lulu: My depression isn’t seasonal, if only

Dolly: It’s situational, if we’re being generous

Lulu: Because what everyone loves is yet another unsolicited diagnosis

Lulu: very generous 

Dolly: It’s your time to waste

Lulu: Gabe’s way ahead of you on that front

Dolly: You’re ridiculous, what do you even have to say to him at this point?

Lulu: At this point, that’s none of your business

Dolly: 🙄

Dolly: Unlike you, it isn’t my life’s work to know yours

Lulu: Then don’t ask

Dolly: I’m shaming you

Lulu: Bad luck, no you aren’t

Dolly: You know it’s pathetic, you’re wallowing, that’s all

Lulu: If you’d ever checked in, you’d know that’s the vibe

Lulu: [with a list of whatever injuries you sustained, healed or not like ugh & duh I couldn’t be more pathetic rn & this is all voice typed thanks to those wrists which would actually be annoying I agree gal]

Dolly: I guess it beats organ failure but for fuck’s sake

Lulu: But it’s fun you think you can shame me from rock bottom 😅 go off, darling

Dolly: Optimistic to assume this is rock bottom

Lulu: 😁😁😁

Dolly: [deleting all of the messages and pictures between y’all with haste after this conversation with your sister]

Dolly: [sending him the message(s) where Lulu says he’s telling her everything]

Dolly: Just in case you thought she cared about you in any of this 👌👌👌

Gabe: [just to ref that he isn’t gonna reply because he is a flop and that’s the coward move when she is actually owed a reply here cos um excuse you wtf sir going back and forth between these gals]

[parksunghoonification]

Top Ten reasons why I hate You

synopsis. tenacity and spite aren’t really a great combination and Jake Sim knows it well.

word count. around 1800

pairings. jake x afab!reader

genre. kind of enemies to lovers??

warnings. i cursed and i also got bitchy

authors notes. hi everyone! this is the first time I’m posting on this site, hope you’ll like it!! English is not my first language, so let me know kindly if there are some mistakes. 

(also i do NOT hate Jake, I actually love him too much, this was just for fun!!!)

Hi, I guess?

Sorry Diary, I haven't done this since third grade, I lost all my magic.

if it was up to me you wouldn't exist, this is all Jungwon's idea.

He said and I quote: "Maybe writing about it will give you some sort of inner piece, or maybe it will help you cope or process. It will do more good than harm, just try it". But then I refused, he clapped back and things got desperate really quickly (he knows exactly what to say and how to act to make me give in). Plus, I'm taking psychology this semester, saying no wouldn't have given me any credibility whatsoever.

So here I am, writing in a hate journal about a stupid frat boy (derogatory) for the sake of my friends' mental health (and also because they all have frequent headaches, pretty sure we are the cause of it).

I would like to start off by saying I am not a “fiery beast escaped from the flaming chambers of Hell”, even if I quite like the epithet (it’s giving Dante’s Inferno).  If Jake (the stupid frat boy) was writing these pages, he would have kept that supernatural narrative, going on about how monstrously evil I am. I have a message for that troglodyte: my diary, my money, my story, and I will tell it how I like it (the girlbossification of y/n, we love to see it).

Contrarily to what he thinks (and fuck what he thinks), many say I am a good person, a really good person even.

I always stall Mr Kim when that sleepyhead of Sunoo is late to class (after several years of observing and refining my theory, I finally came to the conclusion that the closer you live to the school, the later you'll arrive), I always patiently help that senior citizen of Heeseung with his electronics (even if I really want to hit him with the TV's remote, because really Heeseung it's not that hard, most buttons have the function written on them, you just have to press them), I always make sure that hot tempered mess of Riki doesn't get himself killed (task that costed me a black eye once), I always end up forgiving every one of my unhinged friends (I can't really stay mad at them for long anyway, how could I? At the end of the day, they're pretty cute).

Unfortunately, like every other human being (except for Taylor Swift, the queen herself) I have a few, totally forgettable, little flaws.

Jay often tells me I might have a teeny, tiny, almost invisible controlling problem (which is actually hot if you ask me), remark I really can't take seriously considering it comes from someone who can't stand being wrong. Heeseung has pointed out a few times that I may not be the most tolerable person when drunk, but I would like to point out to him that I, at least, am extremely predictable (unlike him) since I follow a precise scale of drunkenness that goes from silly dances to uncontrolled and unjustified giggles (I think I am adorable when drunk, Heeseung is a loser for not agreeing with me). Sunghoon never forgets to scold me for being "the biggest bitch ever" to his beloved, Sim Jake (I can't defend myself on this one, he is absolutely right but I will never say this to his face).

The thing is, my friend group still hasn't had the opportunity to grasp on the fact that I am extremely bad at letting grudges go, I hold on to them for as long as I can. I have to admit, it happened to me on several occasions to forget the reasons behind them, but what can I do? Give up? Suddenly change my behaviour? I don’t want people to think I am a crazy, moody bitch, I prefer they think of me as a bitch without any other attribute, I don't really need all that decoration.

I guess you can add to the mix the fact that I am also pretty stubborn. Tenacity and spite aren't really a great combination and Jake knows it well.

To be honest with you diary, I forgot why I hate him so much but he gives me at least one new reason every day to do so.

First of all, he skipped Lady Gaga on the radio. that alone I could have ignored, but after that heretic act he pronounced these precise words, and I quote, "who even enjoys this kind of music", with the most arrogant tone ever. For your information Jake, I do, you little piece of shit.

He also said that Yeonjun is "just okay", and that I was "blowing this out of proportion" by calling him "the most beautiful creature to ever walk on heart". Jealousy is quite a bitch, I guess.

Petty motives, aren't they? Yes, of course. In all sincerity, I just believe me and him are too different to coexist civilly in the same environment. He is always pushing the wrong buttons, the big red ones with "DO NOT TOUCH" written all over. He does this on purpose, I’m convinced. He must not like me too. 

To further prove my points, I made a contained list for you, my dear Diary, where I picked the top ten things I hate about Jake Sim (so I can antagonize him and explain why I am right at the same time). I know, I know, just like the movie. I had to pick a number, okay? I could have written for infinity but neither of us have all that time.

Disclaimer: it gets ugly

1. He is legitimately the worst at pranks but he won't give you the same answer if you ask him. He goes either way too small (he once moved every piece of furniture in my apartment by half a centimetre. Spoiler: I didn't notice and he almost went insane) or way too big (he freed a racoon in said apartment that destroyed most of said pieces of furniture. Also, it had rabies).

2. He is the biggest nerd. He picked maths and physics in college and made that his entire personality. Now I might be a bitch, but I am not a monster. I am all for talking about one's passions, but there is a limit, it being my total lack of interest towards Einstein and his stupid clock tower (with all due respect Mr Einstein). I also have unprocessed trauma from high school (it's the teachers' fault if I can't look at numbers without crying). So, no Jake, I am not bad at those, I just happen to despise them as much as I despise you.

3. He tries so bad to understand literature and refuses to accept that he really doesn't. He is extremely factual and he said himself multiple times that he doesn't believe in anything that isn't supported by objective actualities. Stories aren't always rational because human behaviour isn't always rational. He is convinced he can understand literature by using the same approach he uses for Math!!! How unacceptable is that? And that is why you didn't enjoy Wuthering Heights Jake, you tasteless little bitch! (He insults that masterpiece one more time and he is done for).

4. He is a robber, a criminal, an offender. He always steals Riki from me. And do not get me started on Sunghoon! Every time I happen to be alone with them, he approaches with his callous, grabby hands and takes them elsewhere, leaving me all alone. They like me better anyways Jake, get over it!!!

5. He ruins all the pictures. I can't post a group photo because of him. He's always right in the middle (I can't even crop him out and he gets extremely sensitive when I photoshop a celebrity in his place) with his stupid, constipated face. What's with that expression? Who lied to him? I swear his bottom lip will fall out one day from all the biting (I like to think that the doctors will have to use the skin from his ball sack to reconstruct it so that no one will kiss him ever again).

6. He makes me homesick. Layla this and Layla that, he always makes me think about the dog I left at home on the other side of the globe, the family I left behind. I face my personal dilemmas more than I would like because of him and believe me, realizing daily what a shitty daughter and sibling you are isn't ideal. I can't even cheer myself up with Layla, for some reason he is gatekeeping her from me, I have never even seen a picture of her. Scared she will like pick me over you, Sim?

7. I hate when he calls me "baby", "princess", "sweetheart" and other stomach upsetting pet names, mainly because his flirting (at least that's what Sunoo says it is) is pitiful and it gives me a heart attack every two business days.

8. He never worries. "y/n it's just a little coffee", Jungwon never blinked that day, not even once. "Relax y/n, it's chocolate", Riki was high on sugar. "We're at a party, have fun for once baby" Heeseung ended up in a fountain a neighbourhood away from the feast and almost drowned (we had our own little Titanic that night). For the record, I do have a lot of fun Jake, stop calling me an "uptight little princess".

9. That fucker laughs at his own tiktoks, he watches his page for hours on ends and has the audacity of having the time of his life. I wonder how the fuck he still finds deez nuts jokes funny when he hasn't been twelve in a while. If you're thinking "well, that's tragic" and not "he is hopeless" it's because, Diary, you still don't know that he listens unironically to Drake in 2021. Now that is tragic. To all the girls and boys who simp for Jake I just want to say that no, you can't fix him.

10. He makes me feel sort of funny sometimes. I believe it's due to the stress he gives me while Sunoo, on the other hand, is convinced that my hate for him it's "just a cover" for my "romantic feelings" and "that's what's up with your accelerated heartbeat, dumbass".

Let's focus on our last point. First of all, cardiovascular diseases run in the family, the doctor once told me that I am subjected to episodes of heart insufficiency. So, there's that. Second of all, I will never fall for that cretin of Jake sim. What would I even fall for? His outrageous skinny jeans? His stupid hair? That dumb laugh of his?

Now let’s hypothesize that I like him (which I don’t, ew), why would he like me?  But this is a conversation for another time.

This was sort of fun, maybe I’ll do this again tomorrow,

Bye bye Diary :)

[bokutotaro]

haikyuu boys and how they would comfort their friend (reader) that feels lonely headcanons

tendou, sugawara and tsukishima

warnings : fluff, gender neutral reader and slight language. i kind of inserted a scenario beforehand before leading up to the way they would comfort you, i hope its still okay! i can do separate h/c for just the way they would comfort you if you guys want!

author’s note : this was another request by an anon. hope you guys and the anon enjoys this!! thank you so much for reading and for all the love so far <3 

tendou :

tendou loves your company

both of your chaotic energies blend well together

the two of you are an amazing duo. that is, when the both of you are actually talking

the two of you aren’t the closest but the both of you secretly wishes that you were

tendou just doesn’t know if you need him in his life and you just don’t want to bother him and get in his way 

he doesn’t have much friends, back then and now too

the only people he could consider his friends were people on his volleyball team, the closest one being ushijima

he feels lonely too, not that ushijima isn’t there for him or anything. he just wishes that he had someone that matches his vibe.

tendou is a good observer so he notices when you’re down, even when everyone else doesn’t

he sees the way your smile drops when no one is looking, the way you don’t really talk to anyone unless you’re being spoken to

he sees a lot of himself in you

he decides that he needs to close the gap between the two of you

when he sees you sitting alone during lunch, he decides to join you (just like how he did with ushijima)

this catches you by surprise, making you raise a brow

he’s straight forward with it and just immediately asks if you’re okay

you huffed a sigh, unsure if you should really just say it and you did

you just told him about how you’ve been feeling lonely lately

his heart clenches hearing that

tendou knows what it feels like being lonely and he doesn't want you, someone he cares about to feel it

he then opens up to you as well, letting his vulnerability show

the two of you realise that maybe you need each other in your lives after all

after that realisation, the two of you are now like two peas in a pod

he never wants you to feel the way you did before again

whenever he sees you feeling lonely, he tries his best to cheer you up by hanging out with you and talking to you as much as possible  

he makes sure to make the silliest jokes not like he doesn’t do it already, you joining in on the fun too

the two of you share your love of anime and manga together 

he makes sure to come by your house all the time so the two of you can binge watch together

he sends you tons of memes, the most unhinged types too and videos of him talking and ranting about the weirdest topics 

he looks for certain queues in your behaviour to make sure you are not lonely anymore and that you’re happy

and when he realises you aren’t, he’s so happy. his happiness is your happiness too. 

he has a best friend now and he managed to make you feel the way you do. 

suddenly, it isn’t so lonely anymore. for either of you. 

sugawara :

sugawara had been very busy lately

he was your best friend and the two of you were basically glued at the hip but he was extremely busy due to nationals and school so he could not spend much time with you

most of his time being dedicated to either studying or volleyball practice which was totally understandable

you were proud of your best friend and his team, they were going to do amazing things at nationals and they needed to work hard and push through the last lap of training before every match 

but you can’t help but feel lonely and miss him 

sugawara had been caught up in his little bubble for some time, being totally occupied and busy that he totally forgot to spend time with you like he usually would

he only realises it when he tries to find you during lunch, realising you were nowhere to be found

he went to find you at the one place he knew he would. the rooftop.

and he was right. there you were. he catches you daydreaming and staring off into the distance. a few tears in your eyes. 

his heart aches to see you that way. guilt is overwhelming him.

sugawara is either the type to comfort you by giving you advice and making jokes in the most feral way and smacking you playfully or he’s soft and gentle with the way he comforts you and let’s you know he’s really there for you

it really depends on what you need. either a pick me up or some form of security and warmth.

he could tell you needed the latter and that’s exactly what he’s prepared to give you, it’s the least he could do for his best friend 

he sits beside you, this obviously surprises you. you didn’t realise his presence and you didn’t think him of all people would appear right beside you. 

“hey, you okay bubs?” he says as he looks at you and inspects the way you look up close.  

“yeah... i’m fine... don’t worry about it,” you said in hopes he would drop the subject. you just didn’t want to open up and make him feel obligated to spend more time with you when he’s just so busy

“why even say that when i know you aren’t.. come on... you know you always talk to me right? no matter what. i’m supposed to be your best friend... dumbass,” he says this gently adding a teasing tone on the last word in hopes of making you feel better and the situation lighter

“dumbass? pack it up kageyama,” you said, a slight smile spreading across your face. you feel better hearing his words of affirmation already.

after some comfortable silence with your head resting on his shoulder, you break it to him. 

“i’ve just been feeling a little lonely lately... i missed hanging out with you and stuff... like you said, you’re my best friend and i miss my best friend.”

he puts his arm around your shoulder and pulls you tighter towards him

“i’m sorry,” he says as he rests his head right on top of yours

“come on, let’s hang out after school.” 

he was now determined to spend as much time as possible

you and him went to eat lunch at your favourite restaurant that sells the tofu both of you love

his heart is full seeing you eat to your heart’s contant and seeing you look so much happier

the two of you frequently go on study dates now (platonically of course) either at each other’s houses or if the two of you have the money and feel fancy, a nice cafe 

he hopes to never make you feel that way ever again

tsukishima :

tsukishima had been very distant lately

you’re totally fine with it and in fact, used to him being distant but the gap between you and him just seemed wider than usual

he always seemed occupied with something, his head constantlly full of thoughts

after school, he would immediately go home and not hang out with you and yams like he usually would

he made up excuses saying he has to study or he had to do some chores at home when the both of you know it’s far from the truth 

yamaguchi was always there for you but you still felt lonely because it just wasn’t the same and tsukki’s your best friend too

tsukki didn’t realise his behaviour until he overheard a conversation between his two best friends about it

he was about to join the two of you during lunch when he heard it

“hey... i know you’ve been feeling lonely about tsukishima not being around lately but i’m here for you. i know how you feel.. i’m your best friend too you know?” YAMS NEEDS LOVE

“thank you so much yams, i know.. i just the three of us hanging out so much.. it’s not the same.”

tsukki suddenly realises his mistake and he feels soo guilty but he’s never going to show it

he then sits beside the two of you and apologises for not spending much time with the two of you, not being able to make eye contact and his  hand sheepishly rubbing the back of the neck okay so he did show abit of guilt

the fact that he apologised was enough to make you and yamaguchi go “huh??”

the two of you would be looking at him utterly perplexed

“shut up”

“we didn’t even say anything yet??”

the apology made the two of you feel so warm and happy and the two of you silently agreed to never rub it in his face if the two of you still wanted this man in your lives LMAO

he’s also been softer and gentler than usual which kind of creeps you and yams out but the two of you really appreciate it

he makes the effort to show that he really treasures the both of you without being totally explicit about it

he would invite the two of you out for some outings and invites the both of you over to his house to play some games

he even brought your and yamaguchi’s favourite snacks, the snacks that somehow only the convenience store the three of you always go to has, and shared them with the both you the next day

he rarely ever tells the either of you to shut up for a whole week too

when he sees the both of you be your normal selves and knows that the both of you aren’t lonely anymore, his old self is back again, his snarky sarcastic self

the both of you aren’t creeped out anymore and relieved everything is back to normal

he still makes sure to spend time with the both of you and he actually lets you know what is going on in his life on very very rare occasions (especially in situations where he might show distance)

“i’m going to watch some videos of a volleyball match tonight so i have to go first. i just... need to work on my blocks.”

“alright, see you tomorrow!”

you and yams know that’s his way of secretly making the both of you feel secure about the friendship and less lonely 

he loves the both of you even though he might never admit it

his heart is full and his struggles seem smaller having the both of you around in his life 

[miss-choco-chips]

I saw this post https://dametsunax27.tumblr.com/post/616421151376359424/broke-tim-is-the-smart-one-bart-and-kon-are#notes from @dametsunax27 and couldn’t control myself. This makes no sense whatsoever. I’m sorry in advance.

One would think Tim Drake was the ultimate impulse control keeping his trainwreck of a team from going off the rails and burn.

One would be halfway wrong.

---.---

Cyborg is giving Kon lessons on how to beat ass at video games (and enjoying making it stick by thoroughly kicking his and goading about it like only a Titan could) when Dick’s little brother and now his teammate, Tim, Red Robin, stumbled out of the elevator. Dark glasses slightly askew let one catch a glimpse of his wide, pupil-blown blue eyes, and hair a utter mess; it was an understatement to say he was automatically worried.

Had he just been on a fight? But he didn’t seem beat up, or out of breath, so that couldn't be. He also didn’t look sick, but something was definitely off about him. Cyborg had never seen the teen look anything but perfectly poised, though a case could be make on how he always ever saw him during serious hero business. This could be usual Red Robin behaviour, for all he knew… still, this was Dick’s little brother, and if anything happened to him under Cyborg's watch, the unbidden rage of one Nightwing would fall on him and that wasn’t a pretty thing to receive, so he didn’t hesitate to pause the game and shoot Kon a worried look.

Said meta didn’t even seem phased, attention split between his frozen, half dead character on screen, and his apparently crazy friend.

-What’s up? -he asked, half turning to watch the small vigilante approach, when it was evident Cyborg wouldn't unpause the game until this was solved- Cracked a case? Finished a new game?

-Conner -Tim obviously tried to whisper, but ended up shouting halfway through the name; he also completely bypassed him, something the polite, all around good kid wouldn’t do unless in dire circumstances- Get ready. We are going out.

Cyborg tilted his head, looking around. There was no one else here, and Tim wasn’t suited up. This couldn't be a mission… right? 

Kon didn’t move from the couch, eyes squinted as if trying to decide something- Going where, bud?

-Nasa. We are rescuing the Aliens.

While that was a perfectly normal sentence to be said among superheroes who could and had traveled to literal space for missions, something didn’t quite make sense for Cyborg. Maybe it was the fact that Kon barely even blinked, instead looking like his suspicious had been confirmed.

-Uh huh. Which aliens?

-ET and its people, of course. We are gonna raid not only area 51, but all the other ones.

The meta just sighed, giving up and letting his controller back on the table in front of the couch.

-When was the last time you slept for more than thirty minutes at a time, buddy?

Tim threw both hands up- That doesn’t matter right now, Kon! The aliens need us! I’m calling Bart, you obviously can’t grasp the situation’s severity.

-No, wait, don’t/ -but it was too late, Tim already had his phone at hand, and he evaded all of Kon’s attempts at taking it away with a grace very specific of his family, but very surprising considering he was one step down from feral.

Bart was with them half a second later.

-DudethisissocrashIlovehowyouthinklet’sgosavesomealiens!

-No!

Once again, Conner was ignored. He slumped back into the couch, looking at the ceiling like a man deep into despair.

-Can you hack them? -a new blink and Bart seemed ready to go, butterfly net at hand and Indiana Jones hat above his massive mane of hair. His other hand had a very suspicious plastic bottle, that Cyborg quickly recognized as a very, very  sweet and caffeine imbued drink- We can probably use some blueprints to know where to go to find the aliens fast and free them.

-Already ahead of you. I haven’t seen any containment units, but there’s some open spaces that could be hiding underground prisons. We are going to check that out first.

At this point, Conner just seemed tired. He got up from the couch again and slowly but steadily approached the plotting geniuses as the talked about possible traps and battle strategies. Cyborg knew, on a superficial level, that Bart was, like, very smart and Tim was a veritable genius; but he hadn’t been quiet aware they were chaotic. Apparently, sugar rush and sleep deprivation pushed them both to… this.

Should he call Dick? There was still some responsibility to be taken from not making Tim sleep -or noticing how unhinged he was getting- before, but surely his old friend wouldn't blame him for something that, according to Kon’s face, was a normal occurrence.

-...And then, we look into the Director’s personal life, find his family, and take his wife hostage! Or husband, whatever, we ain’t letting heteronormative thinking stop us!

-Are you using that word right?

-I think so, yes. 

-Good, you get extra points for that one. 

-Sweet.

-Should we also kidnap their kids, if they have them? I won’t feel comfortable about taking our answers from them, but their parents don’t know how far are we willing to go, so we can just bluff our way around it.

-Oh, oh! You can do the Batman voice! It’ll scare them so much, they’ll shit their pants without us even getting physical! And we won’t even need to take their children!

-No, we do need to. You know how I feel about backup plans.

-But you just said you don’t like the idea.

-I don’t remember which word I started this sentence with, Bart, don’t come at me with something I might or might not have said a few seconds ago.

The tired meta, who had been slowly and quietly approaching them, was finally close enough to snatch both their smaller bodies around the waist, tucking them under his arms and carrying them like that.

-I’m pretty sure half of what you two plotted somehow violates the Geneva convention. Crime is bad, remember Rob? 

Tim looked up at him, wide eyes over the rim of his dark glasses, blinking like butter wouldn't melt on his mouth. He was completely pliant, letting Kon float them all towards the elevator. Bart, on his part, trashed like a half feral cat, hissing and spitting. 

Cyborg distantly thought they’d be needing to disinfect the floor. Again.

-No! Kon, my man, you  can’t stop us! We are freeing your people!

-ET isn’t my people. Or real. 

-BLASPHEMY! Tim! Buddy, back me up. We said we were gonna free the aliens!

Tim tilted his head, glasses almost falling off, and stretched his neck enough he could see Bart at the other side of Kon’s broad chest.

-...who are you again?

-TIM, NO, COME BACK, I NEED UNHINGED TIM TO HELP ME FREE THE ALIEN FROM OUR TYRANNICAL GOVERNMENT. KON, BUDDY, WE MIGHT BE VIOLATING SOME LAWS, BUT YOUR-

-Not mine.

-YOUR PEOPLE ARE BEING UNLAWFULLY OPPRESSED AND DETAINED, AND WE NEED TO…

Cyborg couldn't hear whatever followed, as the elevator’s door closed. The living room was once again in silence.

Cyborg was having an out of body experience.

What the fuck?

[softlass27]

Directors cut of One More Word and you Wont Survive 🙏

Gah, this fic is so long, but I shall try and break it down!

So the initial idea came from a brief conversation I had with @soft-husbands about how ridiculous it was that in 2018 the writers had Lachlan kidnap Rebecca (who literally no one cared about) instead of Robert, which would have been a much better storyline. Since I needed to write something for her in a gift exchange, I decided to do my own version of it!

These are the key points/main ideas that were the most important for me:

Aftermath

One thing I knew I definitely wanted to do – even before I’d really worked out the exact plot – was include a lot of the actual aftermath of the kidnapping, and really show how it mentally affected Robert (as well as Aaron). I didn’t want to write one of those fics where you just have the drama, and then maybe one scene at the end where everything’s suddenly okay again. Which, y’know, is what the Emmerdale writers tend to do. 🤷 

So that’s why the fic is literally divided into two halves – the action and the aftermath. And I loved writing the second half – looking at Robert’s mental state, showing other characters’ reactions, lots of communicating between him and Aaron etc.

I didn’t want Robert to just be fine straight away, I wanted him to take some time to settle back into things again, to go to counselling and to work towards recovering from what he’d been through. I kept it mostly quite upbeat and hopeful – I couldn’t bring myself to make it too angsty – but I did have Robert struggle to come to terms with what had happened to him.

On top of that, I wanted Aaron to be his rock. The writers never really gave Aaron a chance to be the strong one in the relationship, not for longer than a couple of episodes or so, and I wish we could’ve seen it. It would’ve been great to watch, but also a nice switch for Danny and Ryan (who would’ve both smashed it!).

And of course this was an excuse for me to write lots of soft fluffy husbands content, which as you all know, is my jam.

Lachlan

So in the show, I thought the writers did a good job of building up Lachlan’s psychotic tendencies. In late 2017, he did begin to seem quite scary, you could see they were building up to him properly snapping.

But then as soon as he actually did start killing people, he became kind of… meh. They’d done all this buildup to make him as deranged as possible, but from the Whites car crash onwards, his character lost all that great creepiness and just became a bit of a wet wipe. His killing of Gerry was completely lame, his kidnapping of Rebecca was rubbish and so was the aftermath. He spent most of his time flapping about what to do and obsessing over Belle, and honestly he became one of the most boring soap villains they’ve ever done. By the time he was arrested and went to prison, they’d lost so much momentum it was kind of a pitiful ending for him.

Maybe it’s because I watch a lot of crime stuff (both true and fictional), but I just wanted more. I wanted him to be terrifying, to be unhinged and scarily cold. And it made sense to me that he would really show this side of himself by kidnapping and torturing Robert. Robert’s been his number one enemy from the beginning – he hates him more than anyone and essentially blames him for every single thing that went wrong in his life. In terms of storytelling, it only seemed right that his final showdown would be with Robert and no one else. It’s what both characters deserved.

So that’s what I wrote. I did a big final “fight to the death” between the two, and I tried to make Lachlan this cold-blooded psychopath who got off on making Robert suffer as much as possible – for as long as possible. All those years of built-up resentment finally spilled out of him and it made him totally lose the plot. But at the same time, he was able to switch that off and act completely normal when he was with Belle. I tried to show this in a few scenes, like including a moment where he told Robert – his kidnapped victim – he had to go because Belle was expecting him to go for breakfast with her family.

I really enjoyed doing it, but at the same time I was terrified that the way I was writing him would seem ridiculous, like he’d come off as a bit of a silly pantomime villain. It seems to have paid off though, judging by peoples’ reactions, so I’m quite happy with how my Lachlan turned out :)

Chas/Paddy/Liv

I knew from the beginning that Chas, Paddy and Liv would all be on the “wrong” side of the story, so to speak. They’d be the sort of “lesser” villains, the ones causing conflict on Aaron’s end and in the second half of the story.

On the show, I never really believed that any of them actually accepted Robert as family after reunion 2.0, to me it seemed like Chaddy were just civil with him as long as he made Aaron happy. And I never bought into the whole “roblivion” concept during boyfriends era, so I was even less convinced of it in husbands era. I always found it shallow and fake on Liv’s end.

This was pretty much proved right by Chas, Paddy and Liv’s behaviour during the aftermath of Robert’s exit – all three of them showed their true colours and their true feelings about him very quickly. 

Considering every time things got rough for Robron on the show, Chaddy and Liv either turned on Robert or just acted like he never existed/meant anything and actively tried to push Aaron to “grow up” and move on from him, it made perfect sense to me to have them suspect the worst of Robert in my story. To assume that him disappearing meant that he’d done something wrong, rather than he was in trouble.

(Fun fact: the scene where Robert has that big showdown with Chaddy in the pub was actually one of the first ones I wrote. Ah, priorities.)

I wanted Aaron to be strong, to never doubt that Robert was in trouble and to unapologetically stick by him in the aftermath. I wanted him to stand up to Chaddy and to put Robert before Liv for once (judging by quite a few comments that I got, lots of other people did too, so I’m glad I went for it!). I also wanted him to make it very clear that his main family unit – his priority – was Robert and Seb, not the Dingles’ feelings. Anyone who disagreed with him could fuck right off as far as he was concerned.

By the end of the story, Aaron has very much allied himself with the Sugden family, that’s why we saw lots of him with Diane and Vic. I really wanted to call back to the “Who Shot Robert” era, where they both stepped up and rallied around Robert 100%, only this time with the bonus of Aaron being on their side, too.

Rebecca/Ross/Seb

I mean… this is quite self-explanatory, but I knew from the beginning that Rebecca would die and Ross would end up going to Liverpool miserable and alone. No happy ending for either of them because they didn’t fucking deserve it.

And of course, this would mean that Seb would stay with his dads where he belongs. I will never get tired to coming up with new ways for this to happen (just you wait for Aaron week).

The ending

Since I was writing this fic for the engagement anniversary gift exchange, I thought it’d be fun to include an actual engagement at the end of it. I hadn’t necessarily planned to make it another lay-by proposal, but when I looked at my story timeline (yes, I did make an actual timeline lmao) and I realised that the 4th December wasn’t very far away, I knew I HAD to get them back to that spot. It was only right!

So I’m probably in the minority here, but I’m not actually a huge fan of proposal 2.0. Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice and super cute, but the whole “trying to propose to each other at the same time” gimmick just wasn’t really for me. I thought it was a bit unrealistic that they’d both separately just randomly come up with the same idea at the same time (I know, I’m sorry). And since we’d already had Robert do it the first time, I kind of wanted the second one to be totally Aaron’s thing, let him have a proper turn.

So I took elements of proposal 2.0 that I liked – the location, some of the dialogue – and took out the bits that I didn’t – Robert trying to propose, Aaron’s funfair lie (I’m sorry but that was just dumb), the jinx thing, other people (Chaddy and Liv) being so involved. Thereby creating my own perfect version of proposal 2.0 (what can I say, I am a self-indulgent girl).

I think in this universe, after everything they’d been through, after Aaron’s terror of losing Robert for good, it seemed right that he would be the one to do the asking. And because we know he’s a sentimental sod, it made sense that he would wait until their lay-by anniversary to do it.

[tara-the-quiet-bookworm-2016]

Cycle (Yandere! Connor x Reader fic)

Summary: You were a Cyberlife employee, your life wasn’t spectacular, nor were you anyone of interest. You went to work, you did your job in making sure the android RK800 was working properly every time it had to be uploaded into a new body.  However, things soon begin to change for you when the RK800, Connor becomes fixated on you, the woman who is always there whenever he comes online. The woman he will stop at nothing to possess, and god help anyone, or anything that gets in his way.

Authors Note- This story had been brewing around in my head for a long ass while. I always liked the idea of Connor becoming more and more unhinged and possessive of the reader every time he comes back from the dead, so to speak. So, long story short I came up with this, and if you’re familiar with my Yandere fanfics then you’ll know there will be some messed up stuff in this fic. Even more so than I Will Not Be Replaced. And it will also be multichapter, now I’m not going to list EVERY trigger warning in this chapter since nothing will happen yet, but I want you guys to be mindful, and keep your eyes peeled when reading these Authors Notes, and the tags. That being said I hope you enjoy it, now on with the story.

Chapter One: Good Morning, Connor

“----hundred.”

“RK---”

*Systems Reboot*

*Systems Updating*

“---nor?”

*System Error*

“RK800!”

Connor’s eyes snapped open, warm brown eyes staring up at the stark white ceiling, when the sound of footsteps drew his attention to the lab-coat clad form moving towards him. 

A soft smile on your face as you stood at his side, clipboard in hand. The words Cyberlife stitched into the breast of your lab coat. So, he was back at Cyberlife, that meant he had failed in some mission or another. 

“Connor, can you hear me?” you asked, tapping your pen against the clipboard. 

Turning back to you, he nodded. “Yes.”

You nodded as examined him further. A frown gracing your features, and Connor found himself unable to take his eyes off of you as you examined him, asking him questions, making sure he was in working order.

“Is something wrong?” he asked, seeing your brow furrow as you turned back to the console, lines and lines of code moving cross it, the light from the screen illuminating across your face, shining off of your glasses.

You shook your head, straightening. “It could be nothing,” you said, turning back to him. “But there was an error in your system before your booted online, we took care of it but still...”

“You think it might affect my ability to complete my mission?” Connor asked, “or my systems completely?”

You shook your head, a small smile forming on your lips as you turned back to him. “No, I think so, your systems run fine, you do you remember your mission? What you were programmed to do?” you asked.

Connor nodded, and told you what he was programmed to do, to hunt down deviant androids and to report regularly to Cyberlife. Nodding in approval, you jotted something down in your notebook.

“I think the system error was just the result of you getting shot.” You told him.

It was then Connor remembered, his mind going back to that time at the bridge, cold, blue eyes glaring at him, to the gun pointed at his head to-

Connor shook his head. “Looks like me and Lt. Anderson aren’t getting along as I had hoped.” He mused, smiling sheepishly.

“Not a fan of androids?” you asked.

“I don’t believe he’s a fan of anyone. But, androids seem to be his least favorite it seems. Especially me.” He told you, watching as you gave him a sympathetic smile and reached over to give his shoulder a squeeze.

You knew there would people in the lab that had commented on your odd behaviour when it came to the androids you worked on daily. Talking to them as if they were human, to actually caring for them. And sure, even you found it odd but you couldn’t help it. It just seemed like some odd quirk you had developed in all the years you worked for Cyberlife.

Connor looked from your hand to you, taking in your features, noticing the dark circles under your eyes no doubt from countless late nights at work. Your hair falling into your eyes, which your tucked behind your ear as you cast him a look. 

There was something about you...

“Connor?” you asked, jerking him out of his thoughts. “Are you all right?”

Pushing you out of his thought he nodded, a small smile on his lips, as he got up from the table. Standing up you looked him over once more, reaching up to smooth your fingers through his hair, sending a thrill through his body as you did so. Realizing what you were doing you quickly yanked your hand away, a sheepish smile on your face.

“Sorry...”

Tilting his head to the side he looked at you, there was just something about you... Pushing those thoughts from his head he forced himself to turn away from you, as you moved back to your computer. He had a task he needed to complete. He told himself, occasionally casting a glance in your direction more than once, he didn’t know why but he hoped he would see you again...

[xsteriism]

Breaking Bad

Breaking Bad (on ao3)

by celestial-irondad

2, 352 words

hello! this is a (late) fic for @princessmisery666’s challenge with @technically-a-little-dragon as co-creator. happy birthday and i hope you enjoyed this little something! (i mentioned tony stark a little since i couldnt help myself, but it’s very brief)

beware of cut!!

----

“I am not in danger, I am the danger,” Peter said as he took two deep breaths. “In fact, hydra should be scared. I’m coming for them and nothing can stop me. I am Peter Parker, I am Spider-Man and I am not afraid of anything.”

He kicked down the heavy metal doors to the hydra base, wincing when the door unhinged and made the loudest ringing noise that seemed to resonate throughout the building. He rushed to pick the doors up, leaning them against the filthy wall, holdings palms out in case they fell again. He heard Bucky chuckling over the comms, followed by the clicking sound of his safety going off. 

“Yep, kiddo, you laugh in the face of danger, don’t you?” 

Peter sighed, wishing the rest of the team was with them, but they were all around the world for various missions tasked by Shield. Natasha was in Budapest with Clint again, doing whatever they were doing. Sam and Steve were in Wakanda for a mandatory meeting about something Peter can’t quite remember. Bruce and Tony were back in the compound, working on the latest updates for their weapons and equipment. And Rhodey was on medical leave, having eaten something… unpleasant the day before. This left Peter and Bucky to deal with this mission— a rescue mission for any potential victims residing in the hydra base.

When they reached the mission site, both superheroes realised there was no way to source for the victims if they didn’t split up, so with great reluctance, Bucky told Peter to meet him at the rendezvous latest by seven in the evening. Peter nodded reluctantly and did as he was told, hence his little pep talk for himself. 

The moment he truly took into account his surroundings, Peter felt something unpleasant churning in his gut. His spider-senses were going haywire, screaming danger, danger, danger in his ears, but Peter just chalked it up to being in a Hydra base and continued in his search for the victims.

Meanwhile, Bucky was also feeling the same unpleasant feeling, instincts screaming at him to leave, but he had a mission to do, so he sucked it up and continued onward. But something was definitely off, Bucky knew. Usually, a Hydra base would be filled with scientists, guards and commanders, but this particular base had nobody in it, completely empty, save for Peter and Bucky. The lights in the building were flickering, dim to the point of being unable to see and the doorknobs were so rusty that even a non-enhanced could break them.

All these pointed to one very obvious fact, realised way too late: this hydra base had been abandoned. Bucky cursed himself for not noticing it sooner, causing the spider-ling to be in danger. Fear thrummed in his veins as he reached for his comms to contact Peter and tell him to get out of the building as soon as possible. Just as he neared the entrance he used, a voice suddenly made itself known, creating a static in his ears that made him realise that his communications system with Peter was offline. 

“Intruder alert. Self-destruction activated,” an automated voice spoke, before metal shutters started coming down from the ceiling, about to trap everyone inside to prevent them from escaping. Bucky cursed again, running faster and sliding under them right before they hit the ground. Before he could calm himself from the adrenaline rush, the building collapsed, some of the debris hitting Bucky along the way, temporarily immobilising him. Bucky could feel his survival instincts coming in, the way Winter was pushing forward to take control of his body.

‘Mission objective: find and protect Peter,’ Bucky managed to tell Winter right before he faded back into his conscience. He trusted the soldier enough to carry out the self-assigned mission, something that didn’t happen often. They were forced to survive, not to have any wants or likes. 

Winter crawled out of the rubble when it was stable enough, immediately starting to dig his way through the chaos to find Peter’s thin body. Before Bucky’s anxiety made Winter panic, they heard Peter's short breaths through the comms and could tell that he was either in the midst of a panic attack, or was about to have one, but at least they knew that the spider-child was alive. They took off in the direction of Peter’s location, with Bucky thanking the lord for the technology the world had in his head.

“Hey, Bucky? You there?" Peter’s voice was too soft over the comms and they could practically feel the panic choking the kid. Winter could faintly hear panicked breathing and broken sobs over the comms as they desperately tried to find Peter. The spider-child must be terrified, buried under the building. Bucky winced as he watched through Winter’s eyes, his heart feeling as if someone wrung it like a cloth and proceeded to stab a thousand needles in it. Damn it, where was Peter?

“Help, I-I’m stuck! I’m stuck! Please... Bucky please help me— I… I…” Peter was crying over the comms and even though it hurt their enhanced ears, he didn’t lower the volume nor did he turn it off. He could hear thudding and crying and silent screaming and Bucky wished they hadn’t split ways in the first place.

“Hold on, kiddo,” Winter’s voice was deeper than Bucky’s and he said the nickname in Russian to let Peter know he was in control. “I’m on my way. You still there?”

It was radio silence on Peter’s end and Bucky’s anxiety was going to consume them whole if the spider-child was hurt in any way. Winter dug through the large slabs of cement, throwing it like they weighed nothing, through snow slapping his face, some even entering his eyes and making him tear up.

No matter how much he denied it, Winter knew he was tearing up for a whole other reason. 

When the soldier found Peter under the disaster, he was cradling an unresponsive girl to his chest. Winter could tell that she was dead. From her pale complexion and her malnourished body, the soldier knew there was no possible way she could have survived the collapsing building. Even so, watching Peter’s tear stained face was almost enough to break the cold-hearted Winter Soldier.

Subconsciously, Winter assessed Peter for any injuries. His leg was bent unnaturally and chances were he had a few cracked ribs. His black suit was ripped, exposing quickly bruising skin. As soon as the adrenaline wore off, Peter would feel the cold and the pain of his injuries. Winter would have to ensure they got to their rendezvous point before then. 

In a moment of uncharacteristic behaviour, he knelt next to Peter, placing his metal arm on the dead girl, slowly prying her out of Peter’s thin but strong arms without him noticing. His flesh arm was wrapped around Peter, trying to provide a comfort he wasn’t used to. The young hero was mumbling, seemingly too out of it to even realise it.

“I… I’m sorry,” he whispered, his voice broken, dejected and forlorn. “I’m sorry I didn’t protect you, Uncle Ben. I’m… I promise I’ll do better! I swear I will— I’ll save…”

Winter winced, having no idea on how to break it to Peter that the girl was dead, so he pulled the smaller body closer to his side, hoping the warmth they were giving off would calm him. The soldier hadn’t seen Peter like this before, so bruised, so hurt, so lost, but still so protective of someone he hadn’t even met in his life.

“Peter,” Winter called his name softly, forcing his voice to be comforting, trying not to use his default monotone voice, the same one used to report back to his handler when he was under Hydra’s command. The kid needed his comfort right now and Winter was going to do whatever it took to ensure he was safe.

Once the soldier managed to wrestle the dead body out of Peter’s strong grip, the first thing he did was throw it away from them. He knew it was cruel and disrespectful to someone already dead, but he couldn’t risk Peter gripping it with his super strength. There was only so much Winter’s strength could do against Spider-Man.

Peter thrashed in Winter’s hold as soon as he realised what was happening. “Wint— what are…? No! Stop!”

Winter couldn’t even manage to carry Peter into his arms before he was escaping his hold, crawling on broken legs to the dead body. The soldier’s heart ached for the child, who was so young but already knew of death and destruction.

“Hey, kiddo, it’s okay, you’re safe now. Let’s go back to the quinjet, okay?” Winter coaxed, putting his arm gently on the kid to not scare him. This soft side of the usually cold and threatening soldier was new to Winter, but he knew what he had to do in order to keep him safe— to keep them both safe.

Peter shrugged his hand off his shoulder, reaching out to the dead girl. Winter frowned, the clock in his head ticking like a bomb, calculating how much time they had left before Hydra came to inspect their base for potential survivors.

“Pete, we gotta go,” he tried again, but when the kid ignored him yet again, Winter knew he had to harden his resolve. He slid his knife out of its sheath and, with his mind made up, threw. It was quick, of course. The Winter Soldier never missed by accident. He couldn’t miss, or he’d have to deal with an angry handler and Hydra’s torture methods.

But, the scream that escaped Peter as the white snow stained red was almost enough to wish he had. It nearly made him flinch, his heart feeling like shattered glass as he approached the kid, who was trembling like a leaf.

“Wint— Winter, why… did you do that?” Peter’s voice was barely even a whisper and if it weren’t for their heightened hearing, Winter nor Bucky would’ve heard it. Peter sounded like a parent who witnessed the death of their child. It was awful and heart wrenching.

If it were Bucky who was in control, he would’ve flinched, but even so, the soldier was known for being heartless, after all. It was only recently that he learnt how to love again, how to care and protect again.

“Let’s go, kiddo,” Winter tried again, voice soft, “you’re bleeding out and injured. Let’s go back to the tower and patch you up.”

“No! How could you— how could you just kill her?” Peter shouted, voice cracking with the emotions he was feeling. “I… I had a responsibility to save her and you—”

The ticking in Winter’s head was getting louder and so was Bucky’s panicked shouts to get them both out of there before Hydra found them. So, with a heavy mind and an even heavier heart, Winter knocked Peter out with the safest method he knew how, using his flesh hand and hoping to God he didn’t hit too hard.

Gently gathering the kid into his arms, Winter took off in the direction of their rendezvous point, hoping Shield had received their distress signals when their comms went offline and sent back-up. He nearly collapsed when he saw the quinjet they came in next to the Shield jet, relief coursing through his veins.

Winter ignored the agent waiting by the aircrafts in favour of demanding they get back to the compound as soon as possible. He didn’t even see her face in his haste to get onto the quinjet, Peter still limp in his arms. Tony had been extremely firm when he said Peter was not to be harmed in any way, shape or form, but no one had expected this to happen. 

Both Bucky and Winter knew they would have to do a lot to gain back the trust of Tony Stark, adoptive dad of Peter Parker. Everyone knew how protective the saviour of the world got whenever it came to the— his child. Especially when it came to his spider-child.

The man had lost the child, once, seen him fade to dust right before his eyes, right in his hands. Nobody would blame him if he was more than just a little over-protective of the child. 

Bucky knew he would be, too.

Growing restless by Peter’s unresponsive body, Winter started pacing around in the jet, wanting to go and hunt for the Hydra members but wanting to stay by Peter’s side in case he woke up. Before he could wear the jet down, a firm hand pressed onto his shoulder, stilling in his movements.

“Soldier,” the agent from earlier greeted, voice emotionless and Winter quickly realised that the agent from earlier was Maria Hill, not by Fury’s side for once. “I’ll take care of the kid. You go do what you gotta do.”

Winter faced the agent, eyes narrowed in distrust, stepping closer to Peter’s body and Maria immediately raised her hands in surrender to show she meant no harm, that she was planning no harm. “Will you feel better if I said Tony was the one who sent me when he received the distress signals?”

“Ton— Stark sent you?” Winter asked, body relaxing slightly. If Tony sent her, then she would mean no harm. He was overly cautious when it came to the kid, so unless he was absolutely sure Maria would do no harm to Peter, she wouldn’t be here.

Maria rolled her eyes. “Why do you think I’m not with Nick, right now? I owed Tony a favour, so here I am.”

“If you hurt him, or if he’s hurt while under your care, I’ll kill you right after I come back from killing them,” Winter said, voice rough and eyes hard. Maria nodded, rolling her eyes again and waved him off. Winter grunted, snatching the parachute from the corner and tugged it on before jumping out of the aircraft.

It was time to test if Shuri managed to get his Hydra programming out of his head.

----

hello!!! thank you for reading my fic and please leave a heart if you liked it!! comments are welcomed and follow me for more!!

[tetrakys]

Miss the Misery - part 2

Agsty darker rewrite of UL Castiel’s route.

Part 1

3rd September, 10:30 pm , three years ago

I was running across the park when I felt someone stop me, grabbing me by the arm.

“Dammit Candy!” he shouted panting. “Stop for fuck’s sake!”

“Let me go, Castiel.” I replied trying to free myself from his grasp.

“No, stop it! Explain to me why you are running! Why are you here? What’s wrong?”

“Everything!” I cried out finally done fighting, ready to shout all my rage at him. “Everything is wrong! What was that, Castiel? I came to surprise you, I thought you would be happy, and I find you in… I don’t even know what that was because it wasn’t a normal party. And your ‘new friends’? They definitely look friendly enough!”

“If you’re talking about the girl sitting next to me, I just met her, I don’t even know her name.”

“You never used to let strangers touch you before,” I said wounded.

“You came in right when she’d put her hand on my chest, I was about to push her away, it was just bad timing. Do you really think I would do something like this you? To us?” he asked as if he couldn’t believe I would doubt him.

“Yes… No… I don’t know Castiel, I feel like I don’t know you anymore. This is not you. Those people, that place… is not you!”

“Maybe you don’t know me anymore because you stopped trying.”

“I’m here, am I not?” I said opening my arms.

“Now, yes. But when was the last time you were focused on us instead of your new life?”

“And when was the last time you did it? Answer this simple question Castiel: are you ever going to leave this town and join me?”

He didn’t reply and we just looked at each other for a few long seconds.

“That’s what I thought.”

“I guess…” he whispered. “I guess there’s nothing else to say.”

And right then and there my heart broke in thousands tiny pieces.

“I guess not.”

I turned around and walked away.

This time he didn’t try to stop me.

 ---

Present day

“You’re definitely close to perfection,” he said leaving me speechless.

Laying one hand on my cheek, his thumb came to my lower lip, caressing it gently. The way he was looking at me, with so much longing and earnest emotion, made me realise something.

My modern art history professor wanted to fuck me.

I stared at him curious. Mr Zaidi was hot, no doubt about that. There was nothing boyish about him, he was a proper man, and his confident, mature air combined with his charm and good looks had been the downfall of more than a few students in our class. Not that he seemed interested though, there’d never been any rumours about him, he was always extremely professional.

Yet… he wanted me.

I had to admit, I was more than a little flattered.

So… was I game?

In the past three years I’d dated a little but not that much. What I enjoyed was the game, the chase, the flirt, afterwards I easily got bored. I got off on the power play, it was the knowledge of being desired that actually turned me on, but I didn’t have much interest in giving myself to someone.

The few times it had happened, it’d been because the situation was intriguing enough and, well, I was horny, but it never lasted long.

Now I had to be careful. Capturing my professor’s attention was definitely an ego boost, but he was still my professor, I shouldn’t fuck this up.

I was really tempted though.

Without breaking eye-contact I wetted my lips, ‘accidentally’ touching his thumb with the tip of my tongue, and I saw his eyes turn really dark.

I wasn’t sure what he was about to do, or how far I wanted to push him before backing off, because we got interrupted by the sound of the door opening.

“…I’m sorry to interrupt. I thought it was open.”

I took a step back immediately, shocked to find Castiel looking at us with an unperturbed expression.

“You’re just in time, I’m closing in ten minutes,” I replied with the most fake, seemingly relaxed smile I could muster.

“Excuse me,” Rayan said getting out of his own stupor. “I’m leaving, goodnight see you in class, miss.”

“Miss?” Castiel said raising an eyebrow as soon as Rayan left the café. “Class? Was that one of your professors?” he asked coming to seat at a barstool.

“Mmm… maybe?” I replied smirking. “Yes, he’s my modern art history professor, he was helping me move the tables inside.”

“… how nice of him.”

I could detect a drop of sarcasm in his tone, but I let it go, I didn’t owe him any explanation.

“What can I get you? And, how come you’re here? Did you know I work here?”

“A coffee and no, actually I was on my way to rehearsal when I saw you by the window and I thought to stop and say hi. Also, I really need a coffee.”

I bet he did. It was almost 10pm he was probably going to spend most of the night playing.

“Isn’t it a little late to rehearse?” I asked turning my back to him while preparing the coffee. I could feel his eyes on me, studying all my movements.

“I was busy the whole day catching up with the classes I missed since the start of the academic year.”

That made me pause. He explained that he was enrolled in a musicology degree here at Anteros. When did that happen?

When I last saw him, about three years ago, he’d had no intention to ever attend university. We’d talked so many times about his plans for the future, I felt like he was wasting himself away. I supported him and his dream but begged him to consider doing something while he figured things out with his music, so many fights and useless discussions.

And now? His band was a huge success, he was about to graduate and was surrounded by enamoured fans everywhere he went.

Did he need to get rid of me to get his life on track?

“I’m happy you seem to have it all figured out” I replied as I handed him the coffee, with what I hoped was a sweet smile and not a bitter sneer.

He took a sip eying me dubiously, then he placed the cup on the counter and spoke with a surprised tone in his voice.

“This… is actually good.”

“What? Were you expecting it would suck?” I asked rolling my eyes.

“No…? Well, I guess you have a plan B if things don’t work out with your degree.”

“Mph…”

“Maybe I’ll even put a good rate on the café’s webpage,” he smirked.

Why was he talking to me so easily, even joking, as if we were old friends? As if nothing major or traumatic had happened between us? I was supposed to act as the cool, aloof one. I was supposed to appear as the mature, collected woman who had never spared a single thought about him since our breakup.

He was supposed to be the one with his heart in turmoil.

I was trying to figure out how to reply to him, when the door opened again.

“What the…” Nath said surprised when he saw Castiel sitting in the otherwise empty café. “Here I was planning on sitting down for a coffee, I guess I’ll go somewhere else.”

“I knew I should’ve left earlier, this place definitely attracts a bad crowd.”

Nath and Castiel looked as if they wanted to rip each other’s throat.

It’d been years since I’d seen them at it, and I hadn’t really missed it.

“I’m surprised to find the local starlet here, I though that this was a sleazy place for high school kids.”

“How nice for the ‘sleazy place’s’ waitress,” I pointedly replied to Nath.

“In any case this place is not nearly as sleazy as the ones where you usually hang out,” Castiel said unphased. “We know that wherever you find junkies, you’ll find Natha…”

Nathaniel showed the table between them towards Castiel, I gasped in surprise and rushed to their side of the counter.

“Careful what you say,” Nath was trembling in anger.

“Otherwise what?”

“Enough, stop!” I cried out. “This is my workplace. You either sit down and order something to drink or you both leave.”

“She’s right,” Castiel replied cool, as if nothing was happening, “we’re going to scare the costumers away.”

“I don’t give a da…”

“I said let’s go.” He said standing up, “If you want to talk, we’ll do it elsewhere, not here.”

He was… pretty impressive.

Nath bit his lip and walked out of the café without looking back.

“Was he coming to see you?” Castiel asked me in a somewhat accusatory tone.

“I don’t know, why?”

“In any case follow my advice, he’s not the best person to hang out with.”

I felt my blood boil into my veins.

“Why? Because of his reputation? Or because he’s showing a bit of interest in me?” I asked, unable to hide my building anger. “Because if it’s the first, I should probably remind you that people used to say the same thing about you back in high school. If it’s the second, well, you don’t own me Castiel, you haven’t in a long time. I can hang out with whomever I want.”

A few seconds went by where we just looked at each other. I was so angry and completely upset, he looked like the posterchild of boredom and coldness. And I wanted to slap him, attack him, just to get a reaction, any reaction out of hin.

“Fine,” he finally said, only his clenched fists betraying his feelings. “If this is how you feel, I won’t bother you any longer. I have to go anyway.”

Fuck! Fuck him! Fuck everything!

What was I expecting? He didn’t care and never had!

At one point, maybe… he used to be so hot and warm, we fought all the time, but at least we never hid what we felt. This new, mature and collected behaviour of his… I hated it.

I let myself fall to the floor as soon as he left the building.

Enough!

I’d seen him twice now, and twice the meeting had left me upset and unhinged, and him completely unfazed.

I wasn’t going to let him run the show anymore, I wasn’t going to keep pretending we were friendly old acquaintances. I was done with this fake politeness.

I was done with this bullshit.

It was war.

[peggyannmourot]

Interview

Some weeks ago i was interviewed, in French. Here is an English version.

Thanks to Tom & Kevin for the translation.

When did you start creating and what pushed you to do it ?

As for the when, well, I can't give a simple answer to that question. If we're talking about the visual art I'm doing nowadays, I started about a year ago. In June 2016. However, I have the feeling I have always been creative... in less visible ways than today's, for sure, but through the way I've lived. Yes, I know, it sounds a little crazy said like that but it is quite a strong feeling.

As for the what, I can't give a simple answer to that question either, haha ! There was no sudden urge. No. I didn't even think "One day, I'll do this". I had never even given it a second thought. In fact, I don't work like that - I do the things I wish to do when I want to, within realistic bounds of course. What I mean is that when I need a coffee, I go make myself a coffee. Or I tell myself "nah, that's too late, enough with the coffee" and I drink a beer. But pondering for hours something like "Oh my god ! I would have enjoyed so much drinking another coffee ! But it's too late ! What a downer ! Am I going to not enjoy my beer because of that ?" is not my thing. See what I mean ? It sounds ridiculous with a coffee of course but it applies to anything in life - either you have another coffee and you don't sleep, or you forget about it and have a beer, but you don't bloody annoy the world around you (nor especially yourself) with some sterile shit because all the while the clock is ticking, and if you keep this up you're going to be drinking nothing and that will be it, happy now ? (laughs)

However, all of this (ink drawing, painting, etc) happened at a difficult time in my life. I was unhinged and ready to blow up. I wasn't fully aware of it yet but I was mutating. Instinctively I started isolating myself, not unlike a wounded animal. That's part of my character as well. I had to understand what was going on, what was I actually feeling. More or less the only person I was talking with was Gabriel [Delmas]. He played a major part in what I am today. I owe him quite a lot, both personaly and artistictly. He would comment "Not at all", but that cannot be denied. He's someone who means a lot to me. Anyway. I can't remember his exact words, but he said something like "Buy a paintbrush". Then he talked about ink, spots, walls, dancing. So I listened. Ideas kept spawning. And so I started and never stopped. At the beginning, I don't think I questioned that much. It just kept coming. And before I had the time to think it over I had the feeling this was what I had always been doing, while everyday discovering new stuff about me, about everything. It seems quite weird now when I think about it, but I don't think that much about it - I don't have that kind of time.

Generally monochrome, your paintings are abstracts and often very dark. Is that a deliberate choice or did it come naturally ?

Monochrome ? As of now, maybe, but I have no idea if it's going to stay that way, I don't really care, I don't want to impose anything on myself,

Dark... well yes... I've been told that many times. Well, I understand,. But that's not what I think of my work... This is neither a choice nor by nature - it's just the way I am. So I guess the right answer would be... naturally ? (laughs)

What emotions are you trying to communicate through your creations ?

So ... well that's awkward. I don't mean to communicate any emotion. I only show things. I merely say "Look !". I merely say "Be !". I can see into the darkness and I want to share what I see. I know that not everybody has that visual acuity, or rather that not everybody takes the time to look within oneself and let their eyes get used to the darkness. I am merely a pathfinder and not a messenger.

Younger, you were very inspired by experimental bands like Skinny Puppy or Current 93 ... Do you think that taste for dark experimental music played a part in your creative process ?

It's strange that you're talking about these bands... and it's not completely accurate (if I may say so). Music is and has always been a part of my life. I have been listening to music all the time since forever. Playing music is one of the first things I do when I wake up (along with drinking some coffee) and one of the last things I turn off with the light before sleeping. My mother used to play when I was a kid and the man I love is a musician, it's my natural habitat, it is vital to me.

And so, to answer your question, well, no. It's even exactly the opposite. It's because I am who I am that I listen to certain types of music, music neither defines me nor my creations. The music has an influence on me because it makes me happy, but so does coffee, beer, eyes, arms or the warm words of those I love.

As for labels, I've always been annoyed to see the use of the words "romantic" for literature or poetry, or "goth" or "nihilist" or whatever, while for music it all falls under the term "dark". Fuck that. Well, I say this and actually use the term as well, but you get the idea. Death, pain and horror are a part of our life wether we want it or not. Denying that fact is completely obsolete behaviour inherited from a white ageing Judaeo-Christian culture which likes contradictions because it upholds its reign. Poor bitter old white men.

So yeah, I listen to what can be called "industrial music" (the one from the 70s and 80s), but also neo-folk, punk rock (but not the kind that the Crass t-shirt buyers with green mohawks listen to), noise, oldschool black metal, you get the idea - a bunch of uplifting stuff.

Any upcoming artistic projects ?

Yes. Living ! More seriously though, taking over the world with my drawings.

Also, publications are on their way in collective projects sceduled for the third quarter or the end of the year. Plus an exhibition project (but it's waiting for confirmation, sorry, it's summer, everybody's in slow-motion)... But especially, self-publication. I can't tell you too much about it as of now, but there will be a notebook gathering together a selection of the ink paintings I do when I travel, and a secret insane project.

Interviewed by Marc Bastide on august 2017

Thanks to Tom & Kevin for the translation

http://cuicuidaltendencies.over-blog.com/2017/08/peggy-ann-mourot-the-dark-side-of-the-mood.html