#i’m not very good at articulating myself

[crownrots]

last night episode really got me thinking about elsa and rhaenys’ relationship, both when rhaela was alive and after she passed and rhaenys and corlys took her in (bc why wouldn’t they 🤡 … uncle daddy and auntie step mom). It’s such a tumultuous ride tho … rhaenys initially harboring ill will towards her because she’s technically corlys’ first born to being incredibly instrumental in raising her bc she KNEW her sister’s time with her was going to be short.

i ran out of tags to tag spoilers so: h*td spoilers dawgs for last nights hour of torture.

rhaenys, even if she didn’t show it as much, thought of Elsa as her own and Elsa, despite not showing it, always looked to her for the mother she was robbed of far too soon. The two argued like a parent and child might, the flew their dragons together, laughed and drank and mourned with one another.

But there was always a little sting, a little bit of resentment especially after Laena and Laenor passed, because while her only two children perished… Corlys’ child still lived and thrived and she always had to remind herself that Elsa wasn’t privy to her lineage. Only thought Corlys’ treated her as a daughter because that was expected of him as her aunt’s husband.

It’s not until everything is really laid out in the open that she’s able to let go of that little chip on her shoulder, to let it fall away so she can fully remember and realize the promise she had made to her sister on her death bed all those years ago; she has done far more for elsa than even SHE realized.

and then THIS happens … and the fact that they don’t even get to say goodbye. the fact that the last time they saw each other rhaenys was only catching a glimpse of her hauling ass north because something had gone amiss once jace departed from there. she never got to tell her just how much she loved her and loved raising her. that any anger or resentment or callousness she showed her at ANY point of her life had been ill placed and accidental. she never got to REALLY tell her how proud of her she was. how much of a privilege it had been to raise her up into the woman and mother she had become. she definitely does not see her late sister when she looks at her, but rather sees herself.

and when elsa returns, and in her grief goes to the alter by the tide pools that she’s visited far too often in her lifetime she absolutely loses it. while normally she’d have whittled a piece of wood to look like who she had lost, she stands there and just looks at the line of pieces that are already there; her mother, her grandmother, aemma, laena, laenor, viserys, luke, and her own son, rickon…she can’t put rhaneys there, she just can’t.

and in her grief and rage she destroys it, destroys the one place of peace she’s had all those years. destroys her once place of reflection and one place she could grieve uninterrupted. she rips the alter of driftwood and stone apart with her bare hands, knuckles bleeding.

it’s not a place of remembrance or reflection. it’s a glaring reminder of everything and everyone she’s lost. the empty spaces, a place holder for who might have an effigy placed there next; her husband, her daughters, her only remaining son, her nieces, her nephews, her queen and cousin, her father … the list goes on.

and all the while her dragon watches, feeling every ounce of her grief tenfold, and it’s unlike the kind she’s shared with her before. but when it’s all said am done, just like when elsa was fourteen and had lost her mother, frosteye lifts one opal wing, battle scars from them turning the tide in north still healing, and invites her under. and elsa accepts just as she did before, crawling beneath the wing, sand singing her split knuckles, drawing herself into a fetal position and weeping like a babe.

but she knows rhaenys isn’t coming to check on her like before. she knows frosteye won’t chortle and shift at the high valaryian spoken so softly and clearly to calm her upon approach.

she’s surrounded by so many, needed by so many. but she’s never felt so alone in rhaenys’ absence.

[stuckinapril]

friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me

[mcondance]

playing around with druig’s character and watching his scenes and i just had an epiphany

[mirrorsmp3]

https://at.tumblr.com/jaggedandweak/intuitive-eating-is-crazy-cuz-thats-just-eating/ejyfgzeyvkgn

yes but without restricting or binging, someone w BED might be full but still force themself to eat everything, and someone with another type of ed might stop eating even if they r still hungry 🙏 but eating intuitively let’s u eat what u want whenever u want and stopping when ur full and satisfied 🔥🔥🔥

i know it’s a useful phrase for people to eat healthily it just seems redundant to me cuz like i am in a place where it’s obvious to me to do… which i guess to point out is kind of almost flexing or rubbing it in .. which isn’t to say that i haven’t had unhealthy eating habits lol i guess what i’m trying to say is that the phrasing seems to me to indicate just eating normally as another dressed up diet which i know is the opposite of the intention. like i know it’s just saying to listen to your body but my immediate response is that i’ve had enough of so called content creators preaching to me about diets and so when they refer to intuitive eating it triggers disdain bc it sounds like another unhealthy complicated thing in a fancy dress.. this doesn’t make sense LOL am sorry i know it’s a good phrase for some ppl but to me it just overcomplicates things

[jade-kyo]

Mai truly is for us emotionally repressed girlies like

Her whole character arc is like she’s emotionally repressed and was never allowed to express herself so she puts up all these walls and acts like she doesn’t care about anything and is so closed off.

And then her whole arc culminates with her loudly and proudly declaring the love she feels so deeply for Zuko. she expresses just how deep these emotions go, she is willing to die for him. Because she cares so much. Her emotions, her care, her love are so strong that they overpower her fear. Not just her fear of Azula but her fear of expressing herself, of stepping out of line, of standing for what she believes in. Which at this moment is Zuko- she doesn’t even fully understand what he’s doing, but she knows she trusts him more than anyone else. More than the fire nation propaganda and brainwashing, more than Azula, more than her parents. She knows Zuko has a good heart, she loves him for it, and she trusts it.

And that trust and love empowers her to finally express just how deeply she feels.

I don’t know if I’m articulating this very well but as someone who has always struggled to express myself Mai is just so fucking good and powerful to me.

[erinlindsayy]

professor || carol danvers

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ . ┊ You're Carol's designated note taker, and usually the one teaching her a few things. What happens when you give her the wrong set of notes?

➺  warnings: dirty talk, spanking, edging, violent use of straps, carol danvers tops (but I fully believe she's a switch now), umm... general unholiness, bratting, etc.

✧   a/n: surprise... I'm back... more content coming soon... I promise I've got a val/carol/r fic coming soon, but this popped into my head and I couldn't resist... JOCK COLLEGE CAROL, OK? JOCK RUGBY COLLEGE CAROL.

↬ like this work? let me know! comments help encourage writers to write more and let them know that you liked what they wrote :)

★ requests are open–I write for a number of fandoms! just ask :)

☆ comments + reblogs are greatly appreciated ☆

“Can any of you attempt to discern meaning from this week’s assigned reading? Why might I have selected this particular work for you all?” asks Professor Valkyrie, starting class for the day. Your hand immediately raises, and she nods in your direction. 

“Well, was not Beckett’s entire point to find meaning in the absence of conventional meaning?” 

Professor Valkyrie, nods. 

‘Interesting thought,” she says. “Care to elaborate?”

“Well,” you begin. “Beckett created a landscape for us that is so alien and foreign, and unlike what we know. The play does not include any symbolic elements, and it does not really go anywhere. You might try to make meaning out of the carrot that Didi and Gogo share, or the leaves appearing on the tree, but they literally mean nothing. At the end of the play--we, as well as Vladimir and Estragon, are all still waiting for Godot. So, in a sense, there is no meaning, but perhaps there is meaning in the fact that there is no intended meaning.” 

“Good,” replies Professor Valkyrie. “As always, a carefully articulated and thoroughly crafted response. Excellent work as usual.” 

You smile politely, and fall back into your seat as Professor Valkyrie continues to lecture about Samuel Beckett and the wonderful nature and reality of Waiting for Godot. 

Meanwhile, you’ve jotted at the top of your notes, in big bold letters ‘I hate this play!’ 

After all, the ability to just to understand and converse about a work of literature does not mean that one has to enjoy it. 

After class, you’re stopped, as usual, by the one and only  Carol Danvers. Resident jock, captain of the division one team, aspiring pilot, rumored sex god extrodinare, Carol Danvers. She’s quite the legend around campus, but not exactly for her work ethic as it pertains to academic pursuits, which are... lacking, to put it politely. 

“Do you have my notes for me,” she asks, holding her hand out. “I need to at least act like I’m going to study tonight, right?” 

You roll your eyes. “Carol, why do you ask for my notes if you never use them? You do realize that mere possession of the notes will not translate into you understanding the material, yes? You have to actually read them in order for the information to enter your head.” 

Your reply is snarky, short and snappy, but you’re fed up with Carol at this point. She asks you for notes in all the classes you share together (which, granted, is not many,) but never seems to read them or take any of her classes very seriously. Carol narrows her eyes at the response. 

“I’ll just sleep on them? Os--” 

You cut her off, finishing her sentence. 

“--mosis does not apply, Carol. You know that. You cannot absorb the material through the pores of your skin. Read the notes, and actually try for once, or stop bothering me. I could be taking notes for myself, rather than focusing on summarizing all of the lectures so that you can stuff them into your bag, never to see the light of day again. Don’t ask me for notes again unless you’re ready to be serious.” 

With that, you hastily pull out a few papers from your bag, not bothering to double check if they were the correct ones or not. You shove the papers into Carol’s and turn away sharply, not bothering to look back. Granted, you were headed in the completely wrong direction, but you weren’t about to give Carol the satisfaction of seeing your face again. 

Of course, Carol knows that you hardly need notes for your own purposes. Summarizing the lectures for her provides you with the information you need to keep your own mind sharp, with years of literary study and reading filling in the blanks to broader context for you. But still, you love to hassle her. Carol does feel guilty occasionally, knowing how much work you put into the notes you take for her. They’re always organized, and you write important little tidbits down in the margins. She always glances at them, but can never bring herself to actually study the notes. 

Tonight is different. Carol is inspired, reenergized by your scathing talk. She sits down at her desk, and finally pulls out the notes you gave her. She reads the first line, and laughs to herself. 

These definitely weren’t the notes she meant to give me, she thinks to herself. 

_______________________________________________________________________

You’re startled out of your evening study session by a loud ding from your phone. Normally, you wouldn’t check your phone in the middle of studying, but you’re intrigued. 

Your jaw drops slightly when you notice that the text is from Carol. 

8:57 hey. I’ve got a question about the notes

You’re shocked. Carol actually... read the notes? 

9:00 Shoot for it. How can I help? 

9:01 Well. The notes weren’t really on Waiting for Godot

9:04 Oh. Did I give you a repeat copy of last weeks’?

9:05 Well, I wouldn’t exactly say that they’re standard academic notes

You roll your eyes at her comment, typing out a harsh response before deleting it and sending a far more cordial reply. 

9:06 Oh? 

9:07 Well, for starters, I don’t think that Waiting for Godot has anything to do with sex. 

Attached to her text is a picture of your recent exploration of the things that turned you on, or as you aptly named it “An empirical study of the things that make me wet.” 

You’d never meant for anyone to see it, ever. It was purely a list of the things that you desperately wanted to try, things you enjoyed watching and reading, various things that interested you. 

You’d written the list mostly as a joke, as a way to get the ideas out of your head. You wondered how it even found your way into your backpack, and you’re ready to curl up into a ball and cry when Carol texts you again. 

9:13 I could help you, you know

9:14 I have a few things that I could teach you

9:15 What do you say we make a deal? 

You swallow thickly, intrigued. 

9:17 What sort of deal? 

9:19 You teach me literature. 

9:21 I’ll fulfill your deepest fantasies. (And take you out on a date ;) )

You blink slowly, unable to process the words appearing on your screen. A date? Lessons in sex? It all seems to be far too much to handle, and you’re not sure if Carol is serious. The prospect is alluring, however, and you can’t help but admit that you’ve had the tiniest (largest) of crushes on Carol ever since you saw her in that signature leather jacket of hers, kicking her legs up against the desk in front of her, even if your feelings were against your better judgment. You knew she was aware of this fact, and the way you were always angry around him for some odd reason. 

9:24 If this is a joke, it isn’t funny, Carol. 

9:30 I’ll pick you up at 7 tomorrow. Be ready. We’re getting pasta.  

__________________________________________________________________________

“So. You want to be a pilot, but now you’re here playing rugby and studying literature?”

Carol shrugs. 

“My best friend Maria and I were supposed to enlist together, but some shit happened and he needed me to stick around. I’ve always been good at rugby even though my dad hated that I played sports, and so I stuck around here. Got a full scholarship for rugby, and put the dream of flying aside. The academy will always be there. It’s not what I wanted, but it’s what Maria needed. I couldn’t just leave her when she needed me most.” 

You smile softly at Carol, shocked by her sudden display of emotion. She’s clearly conflicted, and her eyes drift up to the sky, staring wistfully at the dimming horizon. 

“I think that’s very brave of you, Carol. You’re a really good friend,” you say, reaching out to place a hand atop hers in a sudden burst of confidence. The evening had been oddly pleasant, and conversation flowed between the two of you. Granted, Carol was still somewhat of an egotistical jerk, but she was obviously emotionally conflicted, and she had sacrificed her biggest dream to help her closest friend when she needed it most.  

Carol looks down at your hand, tensing up for a second before flipping her palm to meet yours and giving your hand a quick squeeze. 

“I’m alright, ok? I don’t want you worrying about me.” 

You nod. Carol smiles, and moves to stand up. 

“What do you say we get out of here, and head back to my place? Maybe watch a movie?” 

You smile, nodding at Carol. “I’d like that a lot,” you whisper. “I’d like that.” 

Carol holds her hand out to you, helping you up out of your chair. You move to pull your hand out of hers, assuming she meant to just assist you up, but she holds on firmly as the two of you walk back to her vintage red Mustang. 

The drive back to her apartment is filled with throwbacks from the 90s, widows open and hair wild. You’re both singing the words of the songs obnoxiously, relishing in the sweet freedom of the open night. 

When you finally reach her apartment, your eyes are bright and your hair is messy. You look over at Carol, messy hair strewn about. You begin to laugh uncontrollably, with Carol joining shortly after upon seeing your own windblown look. 

When the laughter finally succeeds, you look over at Carol to find her gazing at you intently. You laugh apprehensively, but Carol’s gaze does not falter.

“Has anyone ever told you you’re beautiful,” she asks. 

You nod your head slowly. “Not really, no.” 

“But you had a boyfriend?” 

You nod. “It wasn’t really the best of situations. I’ve since come to many realizations about myself since then.” 

Carol smiles. “Well, then I guess I’ll just have to tell you as many times as I possibly can to make up for the lack of times you’ve been told that.” 

“Carol, I don’t even know how to respond to that,” you sputter out. 

“So don’t.” 

Carol leans in over the middle of the car, hesitantly pressing her lips against yours in a tender kiss. You’re surprised at first, but you lean into the kiss, melting against her mouth. Your hands tangle in her already messy hair, and you smile against her lips. The kiss intensifies as your hands begin to roam down Carol’s back, fingers itching to explore. She pulls her hands off of you, smiling softly. 

“Let’s head inside, Princess. We can have a lot more fun in my bedroom than we ever will out here.” 

You nod your head, eagerly anticipating the next steps. 

When you reach her apartment, he leads you past the kitchen, flipping on various light switches as she heads through the living room, finally reaching her bedroom. It’s surprisingly neat, with framed photos of her and a woman that you guessed was her friend Maria. There’s a small pin shaped like a sort of star resting atop her desk, with a framed photo of an adorable orange kitten. Her bed is neatly made, and the room is incredibly put together. 

“You like it, huh?” 

You jump, startled by Carol’s voice. 

“Yeah. Um, it’s very nice,” you reply. “Super neat.” 

Carol laughs. 

“Yeah, for all my disorganization at school, I do like to keep my apartment pretty tidy.” 

Carol walks over to her desk and picks up your list. 

“I think this belongs to you, my darling. We don’t have to do anything with it, or even speak of it again should you so wish that to be the case.” 

You bite your lip, considering your options. 

“Were you really serious, Carol?” 

Your heart is beating fast, and your palms are beginning to grow clammy. 

She laughs. 

“Of course I was serious, Princess. Why would I offer if I wasn’t?” 

You look down, mumbling your answer out. 

“I didn’t really think someone like you would ever be interested in someone like me, honestly.” 

Carol laughs, walking over to you. She gently tilts your chin up, meeting your eyes. 

“Hey. You’re smart, you’re beautiful, and you drive me up a wall when you’re yelling at me to fucking finally read your notes, as you so kindly put it in your own words. Of course I would be interested in a girl like you. You’re incredible.” 

She kisses you softly, slipping hers hands underneath your sweater. Breaking away for a second, she whispers to stop her if anything is too much. Green for go, she says. Red for stop. 

Her hands roam up your body, making their way up to your neck. She gently squeezes at the column of your throat, whispering in your ear. 

“I noticed you had this on your list, Princess. I did read your notes this time, and I did study up. I know all the things that could make you tick. And yet, I still want to hear you tell me what you want. You want me to choke you? Squeeze your throat till you’re begging me to stop?” 

“Yes, please,” you moan out. 

“Then use your words, Princess. Mmm... and what else should we do today? What other things from your little list do you want to try? I know you don’t want to start off simple... You even said so yourself. Tell me with your words, Princess. Tell me what you want.” 

You gasp, head tipping back as Carol’s hands resume their exploration of your body. 

“Cat got your tongue, Princess? Normally you’re so vocal during class... Why change now?” 

You moan again, unable to speak properly as Carol’s fingers find your nipples, gently pinching. He pinches harder when you are unable to answer her question. 

Moving hers hand to cup your jaw, he harshly tilts your face to look at him. 

“Answer me, Princess. I’m growing impatient and I don’t have all day. Normally you’re so quick to answer. What a shame.” 

“Put me in my place, please,” you gasp out, voice breaking. “I want you to edge me and spank me and punish me and tell me what a naughty little girl I’ve been, touching myself to the thought of you. I want to eat you out while I’m forced to touch myself, unable to cum without your permission. I want you to choke me as you pound me into the mattress with your cock, reminding me of my place. I want to be your good little girl, moaning only your name as you show me who I belong to.” 

Carol smirks. 

“I’ll be honest—I always knew you had a thing for me. You weren’t exactly discreet. The secret is, I had a thing for you too. I wasn’t expecting you to write about me in your notes, though. And I definitely wasn’t expecting you to write something like that ever. Our little teacher’s pet, our good little girl, the smartest girl in class—and such filthy thoughts! Didn’t take me long to figure out who the mysterious blonde figure was. You wrote some pretty explicit stuff in there, Princess. You’re such a filthy little whore... So many dirty thoughts! Imagine if those notes had fallen into the wrong hands...” 

Carol’s hands dip to the edge of your sweater, swiftly pulling it off of your body. She cocks an eyebrow at you upon seeing the lacy navy blue bodysuit underneath that you’d specifically selected for tonight. 

“Did you wear this just for me?” 

You nod. 

“Good girl. I like the way you think. Now, take off those pants for me. While you’re at it, get rid of that lacey little thing. It’s pretty, but you’re prettier.” 

You obey her quickly, shedding every stitch of clothing from your body. You’re trembling with excitement and anticipation, and you’re nervous as Carol’s eyes rake up and down your body. 

“Stunning,” she says, never taking her eyes off of your body. “You’re absolutely perfect. I can’t wait to teach you how to be a good little slut for me... you’re such a good learner. Wonder if that translates in the bedroom?” 

You groan, rolling your eyes. “Why don’t you shut up and find out already?” 

Carol laughs condescendingly. 

“You sure you want to mouth off like that, Princess?” 

You nod. “You seem to be all talk right now, and no action.” 

Carol growls. “We can change that. I don’t tolerate brats around here. Brats get punished. If you’re a good girl, you get rewarded. Which is it going to be tonight, Princess. I need an answer.” 

You roll your eyes without even thinking. “Just fuck me already, Carol.” 

Carol tangles her hand in your hair, pulling your head back. “I told you that brats get punished. It looks like you've selected the brat role tonight. Get on your fucking hands and knees. I’m not going to ask you a second time.” 

You quickly obey, scrambling onto your hands and knees. You wiggle your ass slightly, but Carol firmly holds it in place. 

“Stop. Now, since this is your first time, I’m going to take it easy on you. We are only going to do ten, but mark my words, if you pull this sort of bratting on me again, I can and will increase that number. Now, I want you to count.”

The first strike comes faster than you were expecting, but it does not hurt as much as you thought it would. 

“One,” you gasp out.

Carol strikes again, harder this time. 

“Two,” you gasp out again.

He continues, hitting a bit harder each time, and your ass is red by the finish. 

“Good girl,” she whispers in the shell of your ear. “You took your first punishment so well for me—it is almost like you were made to do this...” 

She ghosts her fingers lightly over your neck, drifting down to your collarbone before moving her hands to gently massage the soft tissue of your breasts. 

With a gentle slap to your aching ass, she gives you a new set of instructions. 

“Now. For our next lesson, you’re going to suck me off. The better you do, the less edges I’ll give you tonight. I hope you’ve been studying, Princess. Either that, or you just better wish that this comes naturally for you.” 

Carol swiftly pulls her pants and boxers down and throws her shirt to the side, revealing her toned abs and muscled back. You can see her muscles ripple as she stretches her arms above her head to take her shirt off. Your jaw goes slightly slack at the sight of her perfect nude figure.

“Close your mouth, Princess. You’ll catch flies.” 

You blush. “Sorry, Carol. You’re just so beautiful.” 

Carol winks. “I can tell, Princess. Your eyes haven’t left my torso.” 

You giggle, but quickly stop when Carol moves directly in front of you. 

“Test time, Princess. Hope you’ve studied. But, if you haven’t, I’ll allow for retakes. Think of this one as a pretext, if you will. How much do I need to teach you when it comes to this particular subject?” 

You moan at her words, mouth salivating. You’re desperate to touch her, to run your tongue over her strap. Carol leans down to press a quick kiss upon your lips, immediately guiding your face to her strap after. You’re unsure of what to do at first, the feeling foreign upon your tongue. Eventually, you begin to find your rhythm, head bobbing as you introduce a hand to match your rhythm. You continue your tiny kitten licks, timing them with the thrust of your fingers. Carol is silent for the most part, but every so often she breaks her stoic silence with a loud moan or gasp when you hit a particularly sensitive spot against her body. You grind against the pillow that Carol has placed between your legs, annoyed with the lack of friction you got, but thankful to have anything at all. Your tongue continues its way along Carol’s strap, body quivering with pleasure. 

It isn’t long before she’s moaning continuously.

After all, you have always been a very quick learner. 

Carol pulls away, and you whimper at the loss of contact. She messily kisses you, groaning at the taste of herself on your tongue. 

“For your first time, that was surprisingly good.”

You beam in satisfaction.

“However, I’m still going to edge you at least five times.”

You whimper. 

“But Carol—“

“No buts, pretty girl. It’s for your own pleasure, alright? It’s good to practice delayed gratification. Now, get over there on the back of the bed for me. Spread those legs as wide as you can. I want that dripping cunt of yours on display.”

You move off of your pillow, following her instructions. Carol walks over to you, hovering over you on the bed as she cages your body with her arms. 

“I want to hear every moan you make,” she growls. “Don’t hold back on me, Princess.” 

You nod. 

“Yes, Carol.” 

Carol smiles and strokes a single finger through your dripping folds. You shudder. The feeling of her soft fingertips against your throbbing core is heavenly, and you’re unable to hide from the breathless moan that escapes your mouth. 

Carol continues to slide her fingers through the folds of your cunt, relishing in the puffy texture as she explores. Her fingers trace small circles here and there, dipping into your soaking hole when she feels like doing so, pinching your clit, edging you into oblivion. 

You ask her to cum numerous times, but she always pulls away. Finally, she pulls away for the last time. 

“You can cum this time, Princess. But I want to cum on my cock for me like a good little slut, alright? I want you to scream my name for me. Let the whole world know you’re mine now.” 

You nod, moaning at her filthy words. She carefully lines up with you and thrusts in quickly, giving you a chance to adjust to the size and foreign feeling of the cock inside of you. 

When you nod at her, she begins to thrust her hips at an ungodly pace, hitting that perfect spot inside of you that makes your eyes roll into the back of your head. She moves one hand to your clit, rubbing tight little circles over the throbbing organ, and her other hand moves to your throat, lightly pressing down. She’s pushing you into the mattress, firmly grinning the column of your neck as her hips thrust faster and faster. 

“You like it when I choke you? When your brain starts to go a little bit foggy and you can’t tell if it’s from the sex or lack of air? You like it when I tell you what a good little slut you are, taking my cock like such a good little Princess, showing how well you learn and how well you take instruction?”

“Yes,” you manage to gasp out in between moans. “Please, fuck me harder.” 

Although it seemed humanly impossible, Carol managed to fuck you harder. The relentless snap of her hips grew faster, thrusts hitting further and further inside of you each time. The hand rubbing your clit runs faster, harder, and just before you’re about to rip over the edge, Carol whispers in your ear. 

“Cum  for me, Princess. Cum like the good little girl you are.” 

You scream out in ecstasy as you tip over the edge, collapsing against the mattress. Carol pulls out, falling into bed next to you, wrapping her arms around you as she presses kisses to your neck and collarbone, drifting up to your forehead. 

“You did so well, Princess. You’re such a good learner. Looks like you’re just as good in here as you are in a classroom.” 

You smile. 

“I try my best. Honestly, that’s all I can ever do.”

Carol smiles. 

“A good attitude to have. Now, let’s go get you cleaned up.”

A few snacks, some water, and one blissful shower later, you’re dressed in Carol’s old sweatpants and sweatshirt as you climb into bed beside him. She’d invited you to stay the night, and you hadn’t been able to resist. Carol flips the lights off, pressing a delicate, featherlight kiss to your forehead. 

As you lay in bed however, you remember an important fact. 

“I still have to teach you all of literature,” you mumble. 

Carol laughs softly. 

“And I have many things to teach you still, darling. But for now, sleep.”

You smile, closing your eyes as you feel Carol’s grip on you grow stronger. 

Literature could wait until tomorrow.

[sanspuppet]

MDNI - smut

professor!Mingi x afab!reader

W/T: University AU, unprotected sex, breeding, public sex, quick dick sucking, reader’s first time, pet names (pretty, lovely, darling)

A/O: @ahimhere here’s your request for the prompt “Shush, we can’t have anyone hearing this”, i figured some professor Mingi, hope you can enjoy hehe <3

When the bell rang, and all the people that frequented your course left the classroom, the professor called your name once you walked next to his desk.

“Y/n, Miss. Can you please come over to my office? We need to talk about something.” Your body blocked, hearing his low voice demanding you. You couldn’t deny that he’s the finest, the most handsome man that you’ve ever seen, and the classes you had with him were always hard to focus on, as you were completely infatuated by his hot look. You shook your head to turn again to reality, pressing hard your books against your breast due to nervousness: why would he want to talk with you?

“Oh… Yes, surely Sir” you headed to his personal office, after walking over the class door. Your gaze was locked down your shoes, your cheeks felt burning at the thought of being alone with him.

You turned around to see him walking behind you, he reached the door and opened it with one of the keys he hold in his pocket pants. The man nodded to you as he sat on his chair. You walked over him and sat shyly on one of the two other chairs in front of the huge desk.

“So…” he opened a drawer, where he placed his books before closing it back. “You’re seriously a model student” his eyes were locked on yours, he had his fingers crossed when he continued: “You still have great grades, even though you seem very distracted during my lessons”

“Oh, uhm…” you blinked while staring at the floor, your mind was elaborating a good excuse, but the man beat you on time: “I’ve started to think that the reason you can’t focus properly is because of me, do i bother you?” You were confused as you saw a slight smirk diving onto his face, waiting silently for you to reply him.

“Yes- i mean… kind, of. I’m sorry.”

The man nodded, shaking slowly his hand to you. “You don’t have to be, i only need you to explain why you’re being distracted by me, so maybe we can work on this together.”

You played with your hands nervously, chuckling shyly and shaking your head before articulating the dumbest thing you could have said: “Oh no, no i shouldn’t.”

He raised an eyebrow, standing up to get closer to you. He held on his knee with a hand as the other lifted your chin. “Why shouldn’t you? Miss, i have already figured out why. But i want you to say it, so i can be sure of that”

Your heartbeat accelerated at the idea of him knowing that you use to fantasize about him during his classes, mixed with the sight of his face close to yours enough to feel his warm breath.

“I dream of… you, during lessons” you weren’t actually going to say what you daydreamed of him, right? It’d be so shameful, for your imagine of perfect student, but you couldn’t do anything about being a fucking pervert when it came to that professor.

“About? Keep going.” His hand never left your chin as he kept trying to make eye contact with you, despite your eyes were forcefully locked on the floor.

“H-having…” you gulped before continuing. “sex, here.”

He pulled back, murmuring a long: “Ooh~” with his arms crossed. “Just as i thought” He supported himself with the desk top. “I still don’t blame you, every student has his specific distraction… what i am asking to myself and obviously you, is… What should we do about it?”

Your mouth hung open waiting for your mind to elaborate anything, but the only thing that left your mouth was a simple: “i don’t know Sir…”

He scratched his chin, widened his eyes once he chose the best option: “Tell me y/n, if i fuck you and consequently fulfill your needs, will you focus better during my classes?” He got closer to you again.

The air inside the room felt heavy, you were struggling to breathe, and you could feel drops of sweat resting on your forehead as soon you realized how hot it was there. You were fatigued by some unknown reason before, but now the heat between you and your professor seemed uncontrollable to you, so couldn’t do anything but nod.

“Yeah, i think.” you murmured, finally looking at him. The man was loosening the knot of the tie to breathe better, you watched him unbuttoning his shirt, every movement of his got you wetter as reaction. You stood up and bent over his desk, your skirt was already on the floor when you dragged down your panties, a string of arousal connecting them to your pussy.

He groaned once he turned to see you prepared to take him. His hands were caressing your hips, his eyes inspecting every detail of your bare skin, even though you were one of his students, he couldn’t deny that you’re a hot yet pretty girl.

“I know i shouldn’t make preferences, but you’re my favorite student y/n, such a beautiful and smart girl.” You shyly chuckled, but the slight laughter quickly turned into a needy moan as soon as you felt his fingers slicking against your sticky cunt. “Shush, we can’t have anyone hearing this” You obeyed him, biting your lower lip to muffle any sound that could have escaped your mouth.

“Unfortunately i don’t have any condoms here with me, i will have to breed you, if it isn’t a problem.” You nodded, turning your head to try to look at him while he unzipped his pants. “You can”

In less than a minute he was already buried inside you, pumping as fast as he could without making any sound of skin slamming against skin. His hands were gripping your waist to hold better, your suffocated moans made him even hornier. “Fuck it’s so tight, is this your first time lovely?” his pace slowed down to help you reply easier.

“Y-yes” you layed on your elbows, your face was pressing against the wood of the desk.

“Oh so bad, your boyfriend should have been your first.” He was already tired of the sleepy pace, so he started to hammer again roughly into your pussy. You breathed deeply before talking back:

“It’s o-okey—fuck, i- i’m in love with you” you were so embarrassed to say it, even though it was the truth.

“We’ll se what we can do about it, but for now, let’s focus on orgasming, got it pretty?”

In effect, you found yourself really close to your high, but you still wanted to fuck with him more. The nasty and squelching sound was too loud that there was no fucking way it couldn’t have been heard from ourside, but even if people were probably thinking the professor was having a quicky with the sexy English teacher, he was actually fucking “the sexy student” as how he used to call you for himself. You could notice that the thrust became sloppier at some point, warning you that he was close to climax soon.

“God, i’d like to fuck you all day long but we have other classes in five minutes” He slammed his big cock inside your throbbing cunt enough to make your clit red from how he was balls deep in you. The heat turned into pure desperation of cumming as you two kept fucking.

“Sir… i’m close” you whined with your face squeezed into your arm to muffle the occasional loud noises.

“Gonna spurt my cum into you very soon lovely, get ready” he couldn’t hold back his groans, too.

You came the same second you felt a hot liquid releasing into your pussy, mixing it with your own. The man behind you groped your ass, spreading your ass cheeks to admire the mess leaking slowly out of you.

“Does it bother you if you keep it inside until you get home, darling?” he asked you, dragging your panties up to put them in place again. “it’s fine”

Once you were fully clothed, you turned around to look at him. Quite to your surprise he pointed at his still leaked crotch.

“Could you please clean it up, quickly?”

You immediately kneeled, licking down on all his length until all the cum on it was in your stomach. You took him out of your mouth with a pop, he didn’t wait any longer before putting back on his pants along with the boxers.

“I had a great time y/n. About what you said to me, maybe we can give us a chance, don’t you think? Let me give you my number, when you’re completely sure about that, we can hang out together.” he smiled at you, after asking for you phone where he could type his phone number.

After a minute, when the bell rang again, he opened the door holding it for you to leave his office first.

“Thank you, Sir” you cooed, a genuine smile popping out your face.

“You can call me Mingi, now go, maths is waiting for you” he chuckled back.

[the-fiction-witch]

I Like Him P6

Media - House Of The Dragon Character - Oscar Tully Couple - Oscar X Reader Reader - (OC) Jaerra Targaryen [Daughter of Daemon Targaryen & Rhea Royce] Rating - 15 + Word Count - 1635

Jaerra strolled through the ancient, decaying godswoods of Harrenhal, surrounded by towering, gnarled trees. She was clad in one of her simple, small grey gowns, the fabric gently swaying as she moved. The afternoon sun cast dappled shadows on the ground, and the air was filled with the earthy scents of moss and fallen leaves. Despite the daily influx of men joining Daemon's army and the ceaseless construction efforts at Harrenhal, Jaerra sought relief in her solitary walk, hoping to find respite from the chaos and noise of the ongoing work. Unbeknownst to her, Oscar had quietly followed.

Oscar had caught a glimpse of Jaerra as she walked away and had impulsively decided to follow her, eager to engage her in conversation. However, as he shadowed her, he found himself unable to find the right words to call out or announce his presence, still feeling the warmth of the kiss she had planted on his cheek just days before. He struggled to articulate his emotions and remained silent, trailing her like a lost puppy or a fledgling dragon. Positioning himself discreetly by the stairs leading to the godswoods, he couldn't help but continue to observe her as she strolled, feeling somewhat intrusive but unable to tear himself away.

“Jaerra,” He confidently made himself known by speaking up and stepping into view. He placed his hand on the hilt of his sword, stood with an air of determination, and subtly puffed out his chest, exuding an aura of bravery.

“Afternoon Oscar,” As she turned to see him, a warm smile lit up her face. She couldn't help but chuckle softly as she noticed how he was trying to stand brave and tall for her. Walking over to him, she pressed a tender kiss to his cheek, enjoying the sight of the blush that spread across his skin. “How can I help you, Lord Tully?” she asked,

“I was just well, I wanted to make sure to accompany you. Lots of very rough soldiers around the castle now, I wanted to make sure you’re safe.”

“I can take care of myself, Oscar,” She chuckled, “But your company is appreciated none the less,”

“I’m glad,” he smiled offering his hand,

She softly took his hand and gently intertwined their fingers,

He led her softly on a small stroll of the godswood, chatting quietly with each other about the work going on and the plans being made until Oscar turned the topic.

“I- I don’t often see you and his grace together?”

“No, I suppose not,” she softly sighed, “Daemon and I often don’t spend time together let alone speak, outside of the essential,”

“May I ask… why not?”

Jaerra gently sat herself down on one of the many fallen rocks, Oscar sat down beside her his knee brushing hers as their hands remained locked together, “I suppose it’s sort of always been that way,” she said, “What about your father?” She asked,

“Oh I-”

“It’s alright, forgive me. I shouldn’t have been so bold.”

“No, no it’s alright,” he smiled squeezing her hand softly, “I… didn’t know the man all that well,” he began, “He died a young man,”

“I’m sorry Oscar,” she softly squeezed his hand and did her best to be of comfort,

“I was merely a boy,”

“You’re still a boy,” she gently teased him,

He scoffed in mock offence, “My lady, I am Lord Paramount of the Riverlands and Lord of Riverrun,” he joked, “I assure you, I am a big, strong, man. Well skilled to protect you,”

“I’m sure you are Oscar,” She laughed,

“My grandsire… he was a good man, I loved him like a father. I suppose I had more time with him,” he softly smiled, “But I do cherish what little time I had with my father,”

“I don’t, I tend to dread most of the time with my father,” she replied,

“I understand,” he nodded, “I can’t say I blame you for such feelings Jaerra.”

“Would you tell me? About your father.”

“Of course,” Oscar smiled, “My father was a very kind man, he often tried to advise my grandsire on matters in Riverrun,” He softly smiled, “He would often tell tales about my mother, about Riverrun’s history, about our family,” He chuckled, “I remember, being scared one night. During a harsh storm with the rain pouring, the wind howling like a dire wolf, the trident’s waves tackling the walls of Riverrun… So I climbed down from my bed and scurried around the halls like a little mouse until I found my father's room. I crawled up into his bed and hid under his covers… but he tucked me in and told me stories until I fell asleep,”

Jaerra smiled softly, imagining little Oscar all frightened and wide-eyed like a little cute Tully fish.

“I wish I had him for longer…” He said sadly, “But I had my grandsire and he was kind to me, stern but kind all the same. He wanted me to grow up into a leader but… never stopped me being myself. The older I get the more I thank him for that,” He smiled, “Sorry, I shouldn’t-”

“No, no it’s so sweet.” She cooed, “I’m happy you have such nice memories of him, and of your Grandsire.”

“Don’t you have nice memories of Daemon? Anything at all?” He asked,

It took Jaerra a while to answer which only made Oscar feel worse for her, “I do have one… When Iēdar lilagon was first big enough to be ridden. Daemon came from Pentos to visit me on Caraxes. He took me out onto the Moores and taught me everything I needed to know, how to sit, how to chain myself into a saddle, how to control him, how to fly and spark fires it… it was nice,” she explained, “He didn’t have to do it, and I am grateful he took the time to.”

“Do you ever wish he’d spent more time with you, when you were young?”

“No, I think even if he tried I wouldn’t have been receptive to it. I don’t think he’d have made my childhood any better,” she answered,

He softly squeezed her hand in his and gave her a tender smile, “I’m so sorry, it breaks my heart to hear of the struggles and pain of your past my lady, and I know with the coming war, the days before us are not to be easy either. But if I make an offer?”

“An offer, My lord Tully?” she asked, her eyebrow slightly raised,

“When this war is over, and peace is restored to the kingdom and our lives…” He hesitated for a brief moment, feeling unable to hold her gaze. However, he summoned his courage and finally met her eyes with a determined look. “Come to Riverrun with me,” he offered,

Jaerra gasped, her eyes a little wide not having been expecting such an offer,

“Please do not think I’m imposing, but… Riverrun is my home and I promise you as long as I breathe and even beyond, you will have a home in my keep. Always a seat beside my hearth, always a warm bed under my roof I swear this to you. By the old gods and the new.” He told her, “You and Iēdar lilagon, both. I will happily take care of you both, and keep you safe, and if you wish never to see Daemon again I will mount a thousand scorpion bolts to the walls of Riverrun and bring down Caraxes the moment he so much as flies over my lands. You will never fear his words, never shudder under the glances of people, and every day I will tell you of all the things that make you so beautiful, and so priceless beyond your blood, your hair and your gender.” he cooed,

Jaerra sat for a second her chest slowly heaving unable to break contact with his eyes, processing all he had just come tumbling from his lips,

“Forgive me I -” He tried to correct himself and apologize,

Jaerra’s fingers softly gripped the edges of armour and without word or hesitation she cut him off with a soft press of her lips to his, her warm tender lips met his own in a quick but full kiss that.

Oscar’s eyes went wide, all the air left his lungs, and his heart stopped suddenly his whole body reeling from his first kiss, as his smooth lips met her own slightly chapped lips, he was screaming at the top of his lungs but outside merely silence.

She pulled back enough to have their eyes meet, “Sorry I just-” she began,

But Oscar pulled her own trick back on her, closing his eyes and meeting their lips once more, his hands moving to settle on her waist,

Jaerra kissed him back, her eyes fluttering shut, her hands relaxing to slide softly against the leather he wore, both slowly adjusting and finding the best ways to breathe while trying to keep their hearts at a decent pace, even if their minds filled with utter love and devotion.

They shared the kiss for what could have been hours, their lips gliding against one another treading the line before the kiss became more intimate.

Jaerra was the first to pull back, her eyes met Oscar’s and she couldn’t hold back a simple but warm smile almost laughing after the rush of emotions, heat flooding her face,

Oscar smiled back unable to break staring into her eyes with his own half-lidded eyes almost drunk on the adrenaline of their kiss, his hands slowly slid from her waist to take both her hands in his,

“Do- do you mean this?” She whispered,

“With all my heart Jaerra,” He smiled,

“… Then I gladly, accept your offer.” She nodded almost tearful,

He began to shed a small tear of joy too before he softly pulled her into another sweet and joyful kiss.

[nateconnolly]

What Does the Lion Turtle Chant Mean?

A podcast episode about the spirituality of Avatar: The Last Airbender.

Transcript Preview:

Many people have told me they struggle to take Sozin’s Comet seriously because they would have killed the Fire Lord without hesitation. And, look, as far as I’m concerned — if you’re willing to kill a genocidal colonizer, good for you! Many blessings upon your journey! And the show isn’t trying to dissuade you. 

Aang is not the only voice of wisdom in Avatar. He’s not a puppet through which the text articulates its meaning. Avatar is about cultural exchange. When one character says what they think is true, that isn’t necessarily the moral of a story. That’s one voice, and the story is a conversation. So, I don’t think that Sozin’s Comet is using Aang to say “Hey, you, you, looking at the TV, you personally should never support violent revolution!” Water Tribe culture doesn’t seem to have any problem with killing on the battlefield. 

When Sokka lops off the Melon Lord’s head, there’s some very clear indications that we’re supposed to be troubled. The musical cue, Momo eating the melon, he lingering focus on Aang’s reaction … But I don’t think this scene is meant to communicate that Sokka is a bad guy. Or that soldiers are inherently bad people. I assume that Hakoda, Bato, and Tyro killed people. These figures are portrayed as admirable, and even as mentors. 

The scene in which Sokka kills the Melon Lord is there to illustrate the difference between Southern Water Tribe culture and Air Nomad culture. Sokka’s journey is about embracing and reclaiming all the parts of his culture that the Fire Nation tried to destroy. He wasn’t able to go ice dodging or to train as a wolf warrior, but he has found a way to become a strong, protective man anyways. And that does mean that he’s willing to kill or die for a cause he believes in. This scene doesn’t communicate that Sokka is a bad person. It communicates that Sokka is walking his own path, and that Aang is walking a different path. But the show doesn’t try to tell you one of them is wrong and the other is right. 

At the same time, I think we need to remember that Aang is saying something he believes. It’s not just an emotional problem for him. 

Aang gives multiple related, but different reasons not to kill the Fire Lord.

“I didn’t feel like myself.” 

The Fire Lord “is still a human being.”

Killing goes against “everything the monks taught me.”

“All life is sacred.”

In Southern Raiders, he also makes a more general claim that “violence is never the answer,” but I think that the writers had to use the word “violence” as a euphemism. In our normal usage of the word, punching somebody would be a “violent” act. Aang clearly has no problem whacking people over the head or shooting wind at them. I think this is a way of making the show more kid friendly, and that what Aang actually means is 

“[Killing] is never the answer.”

Some of these claims are about Aang as an individual. He’s saying he doesn’t feel like he, specifically, can kill someone. That it goes against the values of his culture. And some of these are universal claims. He’s saying no one should kill, not ever. 

But he also believes in a separate ethical mandate. As the Avatar, he has to protect the world. In this lifetime, that means preventing the Fire Lord from burning the Earth Kingdom. 

This is a story about moral standards, and they seem impossible to live up to. There’s no easy answer. If you believe that murder is wrong, and you believe in the duties of the Avatar, then you have a conflict of values, not just emotions. In order to understand the Buddhist themes of Sozin’s Comet, we have to understand Buddhist ideas of morality. 

This podcast episode

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Nate's short story about Buddhism

Transcript with Citations

[weebsinstash]

Hello! I don’t know if you do this but I was wondering what your thoughts were for a Yandere Lucifer Morningstar from Hazbin Hotel? I’m having trouble writing a good representation of him and would like some advice.

Honestly I'm gonna humble myself and say that it took reading someone else's post to make me like, REALLY notice the nuances of Lucifer's character

This post right here literally made me rewatch his scenes and go "oh wow he IS like DANGEROUSLY DEPRESSED"

He doesn't remember Charlie told him where she is, or what she's doing, and he can barely follow a conversation despite clearly trying to pay attention. He also just seems kind of scattered, and um, HE LITERALLY MAKES A JOKE ABOUT DYING FROM FALLING OFF THE HOTEL BALCONY like dude is making jokes about death in front of his fucking daughter, like my dudes, I think this guy is BARELY holding himself together

He clearly loves loves LOVES Charlie but he doesn't really know how to properly articulate himself and I have a feeling there's a lot he's concealing from her, and another big question is, is his depression from being cast out of Heaven, or from something to do with his missing wife, or a combination of both? Either way this man is clearly dealing with like, really bad issues. And Charlie also mentioned he wasn't around a whole lot when she was younger, so... did he have depression back then too?

So, that all said, I feel like a yandere Lucifer would almost be, potentially invigorated by his darling? Given a new lease on life? He may not be 100% his old self again but, you get him to like, 65, maybe 70% on a good day. You give him another reason to get out of bed in the morning, or afternoon, or evening or, whenever he can drag his depressed ass out of bed

Given what we currently know, I feel like a romantic yandere Lucifer would pretend to only be platonic and do his best to poorly conceal his feelings because of his whole... "can't ask his missing wife if it's ok for you to be their third" ordeal, the man still wears his wedding ring, and a platonic yandere Lucifer basically adopts you like another kid, because uh, I mean for one he apparently canonically missed a lot of Charlie's childhood, and he's also an ancient fallen angel, so he's got that age advantage on you no matter how old you are. I mean what are a few decades when he's literally thousands upon thousands upon thousands--you get the idea

Yandere Lucifer would want to stay close to you, helping watch over you, maaaaaybe being overly paranoid about you randomly disappearing and going missing For Very Obvious Reasons, and in the process he winds up being unintentionally overbearing. I mean, he did it in irritation, but he basically showed up at Charlie's hotel immediately saying it was a dump and all of HER FRIENDS were 'a bunch of losers'. He never completely pulls his punches when there's something he's displeased with, even if it has something to do with someone he loves, so his darling would get much of the same treatment. "Ohhhhh, you uh, you wanted to move across the city? That's, um, definitely a fun idea! BuuuuuUuuut, what IF, instead of doing that--", like, he tries to playfully tug you in 'the right direction' until you make him put his foot down

Hmmm... what would him losing his cool look like... well, we've already seen that he doesn't mind throwing hands and WILL KILL, but will stop if he's asked to or there's a good reason. With you, though, you're not typically going to be there to stop him from offing any rivals or bad influences, so I imagine he'd be kinda casual about it, actually! He already thinks pretty lowly of Sinners, so say he finds out you've been ditching him and Charlie to go out drinking with strangers, making new friends, maybe having a few one night stands? Yeah, some of those people definitely aren't calling you back, and Lucifer doesn't really see a problem with it. These people are kind of the worst and really don't deserve you, anyways! If anything he's helping clean up Hell for you and his daughter and keeping you safe :)

Losing his cool with YOU... I think would involve him using his powers to finally confine you, maybe even going demon mode to intimidate you into submission in a very dad-esque "now you listen HERE" kind of way. We don't really know the scope and scale of his powers but I can picture him at least being, obviously much stronger than he looks, and transforming to fly you "back home" where he puts you in your room where no one can reach you without his explicit permission (and you also can't leave~)

One second you're just drunk and jokingly defying him, teasing him, maybe even picking him up and swinging him around because you're bigger than him, to you he's just a silly little guy! Meanwhile this Grown Ass Man Who Is Also The Actual Devil is getting more than just a little frustrated you basically view him as a wacky little cartoon more than a grown man, one who has had sex and has had two wives and sired a child. You're just teasing him and stumbling around drunk when he's trying to get you to your hotel room to get to bed to sleep, like you're clearly not taking him seriously, maybe even playfully putting your hands on him (TOTALLY not riling him up in 'fun' ways) and he finally just huffs and snaps his fingers and, you're suddenly magic'd to bed! You're laying there blinking confused and he's tucking you in and chuckling that "you're such a handful!" before leaving you to sleep and somehow INSTANTLY knowing when you're up.

You ARE in his house, after all...

Not to be gross but uh..... I'm not saying "yandere Lucifer who has the power to still get a Sinner pregnant if he wanted to and you wind up fooling around with him and you're waking up with his little apple symbol on your lower tummy as one of those like hentai womb tattoos to show you're pregnant" but uhhhhhhhhhhyeah that's what I'm saying, and whether it was accidentally or intentionally, he's keeping it, and thus, keeping YOU

I just feel like he'd be very goofy and awkward and bad at hiding his feelings and being very clearly overprotective and jealous in ways everyone else but you manages to pick up on (god Alastor would have some MATERIAL) and, in a romantic/sexual setting he eventually just loses his patience with you not seeing him as a man and just gets... progressively more forward. You pop back into the Hotel after a night out and Lucifer's already hammered at the bar with Husk, stumbling up to you, hanging off of you, slurring and embarrassing himself, "You'reeeee SO pretty... like SO pretty.... do you wanna have *BELCH* you wanna fuck? Cause I LOVE to fuck, like when I FUCKED my wife to make my DAUGHTER, my wife and daughter that I have, 'cuz im a DAD, 'cuz I'm a MAN!" and you're just giggling and ruffling his hair, "You're so weird, dude ^^" and walking away while Lucifer internally screams, wondering just how DIRECT with you he's going to have to be

meanwhile Charlie is totally cool with all of this and sees this as a weird double whammy of Curing Dad's Depression + new family member and friend hurray! and she's totally actively either shipping you with her dad or aiding and abetting him in his weird attempts to absorb you into the Morningstar family

[toutvatoujoursbien]

midnight thoughts (i hope i don't regret this)

Let me preface this by saying that these are just (very, very long) ramblings I’ve had in my head over the past few days and are MY opinions. I never post to Tumblr, but my level of emotional unhinged-ness right now needs an outlet so that I can process everything and feel, well, less unhinged.

I have never been this enamored with any celebrity or promo for a show like I have for this season of Bridgerton. Admittedly, I am a fan of the books and Penelope & Colin are my favorite couple. I’m going to age myself by saying that I read the series almost 20-ish years ago; past me could have never imagined I would actually get to see a Regency romance on my screen. Romances are for the girlies, and what the girlies like tends to be mocked, ridiculed, and not taken seriously - I’ve seen this time and time again across many different fandoms. I also really enjoy the tv series for being its own creative adaptation. I’ve liked many (though not all) of the changes they’ve made to the show; and I’ve liked all the little nods to the books that have been sprinkled in. Are the books or show perfect? Of course not, but that doesn’t mean I can’t love them for bringing me some entertainment and joy and escapism. I think that’s the beauty of it, I get to have the best of both worlds, so to speak. And for me personally, it’s been so fun to watch the press coverage over the past six or so months. As a fandom, I think we’ve been EXTREMELY well fed. 

Having Nicola and Luke as the leads has been a true blessing; I think/hope folks can tell how much they clearly love and understand their characters/roles. I know everyone has been talking nonstop about their chemistry and their close friendship, which I think is beautiful, truly unique and special. How can you not enjoy watching two people, who seem to genuinely like one other, talk endlessly about a project that they love and have poured so much into? And the way they have supported one another, not only during promo, but during their years of friendship? Astonishing, really. So while I am old enough to know better than to ship real people, I would’t blame anyone (myself included) if they got caught up in the whirlwind excitement and couldn’t help but wonder a sincere “What if?” (At least that was the case for me.) Isn’t that the beauty of hope and possibility and potential? Like, I knew rationally and intellectually that the likelihood of them being together was low, but damn if I didn’t feel giddy seeing their interviews, reading articles, and watching video after video.

“Oh, but it’s all PR!” they cry. Maybe, but like most of life, I don’t think it’s so simple or clear. I think there’s been a lot of nuance and perhaps some blurring of the lines during this promo tour. As long as we are respectful about it and realize that at the end of the day, the only opinions that matter in regards to their relationship are N & L’s, I don’t think some lighthearted dreaming is unheard of. We have to remember, though, that what we’re shown is only a fraction of their true selves, carefully and deliberately curated to accommodate their status as actors/celebrities/those in the public eye. 

(And yes, I know this is the internet and therefore everyone has an opinion - again, myself included. But I struggle to understand why some people think that their opinions should be deemed THE most important to the discussion or would have an impact on any type of outcome, especially in this particular scenario… I hope it’s obvious I’m referring to the very vocal people that chose to expend their energy in hateful, negative ways. Aren’t you exhausted?

However, as a longtime lurker, I have to admit it’s been absolutely fascinating reading all the different perspectives and takes on this too. I think reading other POVs and seeing people articulate points that challenge me and make me think is a good thing - again, as long as it’s all in a respectful manner. 

Also I have spent literal years curating and cultivating a social media bubble that doesn’t make me want to cry or give up on life. I don’t seek out negativity and hate - constructive criticism for a thing is a different matter. It may be “putting blinders up,” but honestly, real life can be a shitty enough place that I would like to spend my limited time online looking at cute things and learning or reading about stuff that makes me feel less alone in the world.)

Last week, I stayed off social media to avoid Bridgerton spoilers until I could watch Part 2. I did open Twitter on Thursday to check on something that was entirely unrelated, saw the absolute meltdown of a shitstorm brewing and quickly NOPED out of it. (I was also reminded of why Twitter scares me at times. And I'm not calling it X because that is stupid.) When I finally caught up over the weekend (both with Bridgerton and… all the other stuff 😅), I felt like I was experiencing mental and emotional whiplash.

Look, ultimately, I don’t know them personally and know even less about their private lives. As an outside observer (even though, yes, I have a vested interest in them), Nicola is fucking amazing and Luke seems to be a nice, sweet guy. I think they are each others support, and it has been mentioned many times that she has helped him deal with the intensity/anxiety of being in the spotlight this season. So here are some potentially hot takes: I just think, when they’re together, it’s like he’s a different, better person. When he soaks up even a little bit of her light (sorry, I had to), I can see all the qualities in him that she is constantly gushing about. But, and again this is my take on it, I also think he has a lot of growing up to do. I don’t know much about his supposed “hot/fuck boy summer,” but it seems to me that he’s perhaps going through his own Colin phase, which he can totally do. I genuinely want to see him and Nic succeed. However, I do think he’s got to get a better handling on his media image now (this whole thing reeks of a PR nightmare, but I need to take off my comms professional hat). The way this has all played out has been, imo, a clusterfuck. There are other issues that I’m also not going to get into at the moment. 

The thing that frustrated me the most is the timing of those “leaked” photos. You’re telling me that N&L went through SIX months of a - literal - worldwide promo tour, building up hype, doing countless interviews and appearances, etc., only to have these pap pictures “captured” on the night of the Pt. 2 London premiere??? And yes, while I’m aware there were rumblings of a gf being at various events/locations, I didn’t pay much attention to it (read: my curated social media bubble, lol). And I think the lack of confirmation up to that point from Luke and his team just mades things even more tricky/messy. So when the inevitable backlash played out online, piled on top of the hate Polin seems to get from many corners of the internet (Is it ship wars? Regular trolls just trolling? Polin and/or Lukola antis? People who, for whatever reason, don’t like the actors themselves or, worse, don’t like the creative choices/decisions made by the higher-ups and therefore deem it okay to spread hate online? All of the above, most likely.), I know I felt like I had been hit by a train.

Here’s my point: I think what should have been a moment of triumph and a joyous occasion for Nic, Luke, and Bridgerton season 3, was sadly overshadowed by the aforementioned shitstorm. And that’s a damn shame. Too many cast and crew put in a lot of time, effort, and blood sweat and tears, to pull this all together. I was happy with Season 3, which perhaps I will deep dive about in another post because this one has already spiraled out of control. Were there things I wished they had included or, rather, things that could have been left out? Yes, of course. But at the end of the day, I think we got a beautiful story led by two actors who love Polin as much as we do. And I cannot wait to see them back for Season 4. Plus, seriously, those viewing numbers alone should have been mostly what people are talking about. I hope all this doesn’t take away from the overall impact of the show and season.

I think it’s okay to be disappointed by all the stuff that has come out over the last few days. I think it’s perfectly human to want/need to process your thoughts and emotions. What is NOT OKAY is sending hate to anyone, period. And I hope you don’t let all that has happened sour your enjoyment of Season 3 and/or Polin.

Lastly, if you take anything away from this long ass post, it’s that Nicola is a GODDAMN QUEEN. Anyone who says otherwise is speaking slander and we do not stand for that in this house. She has carried herself during this time with grace, charm, and poise, consistently and constantly. And she is always ready for a mega fashion moment. She must be exhausted - already on to her next film/job but also perpetually online, and even stepping up to defend her costar. I may have to do a whole separate post just gushing about her and add to all the people already singing her praises. (And as a big fuck you to all the haters.)

Geez Louise, I clearly have a lot of feelings (more than I allowed myself to believe I did…). But I would love to hear what others think! Please, I need friends with whom I can have rational (okay, maybe slightly unhinged), spirited, deep analyses and discussion of this whole thing, or anything else we might have in common!

[communistkenobi]

Different anon but I've been feeling horrible about being unable to focus on reading capital for a while now. What are other stuff you'd recommend to read if I want to build up my knowledge to get more involved and better articulate myself?

do not feel bad at all lol like truly give yourself a break. If I didn’t have to read it for an exam I wouldn’t be reading it at all.

Engels is a great place to start if you want to read like “classic” theory - I recommend reading Wage Labour and Capital, but specifically starting with his introduction because he explains the development of the concept of labour-power that comes out of Capital. Principles of Communism is also very good, it’s structured as a series of questions and answers. I have seen people often recommend Mao’s work as pretty accessible (Combat Liberalism usually) but have not read much of his work so I can’t really give recommendations outside of that.

I also have posted a bunch of additional reading lists on other subjects (colonialism, white supremacy, feminism etc) if you want more recommendations, and I’m sure there are more buried in this tag

[stjohnstarling]

Hello! Love 'What Manner of Man'! It inspired me to make my own vintage gay story myself!

But I'm having an issue with outlining, since outlining a novel feels more close-ended than a longer-form serial novel is.

Do you have any advice? Or resources, etc?

So you have no way of knowing this, but I am actually obsessed with story structure. It’s maybe the part of storytelling I’ve spent the most time consciously working with, so sorry in advance because I’m about to go on a dubiously helpful monologue. It’s a bit tricky for me to answer about resources, since the things I used when I was learning have been lost to the sands of time. That being said I have a couple pieces of advice:

If you don’t know what you’re doing, don’t be afraid to find a template. I wish I could link you a good one but I don’t have any on hand. When I was first learning to write novels, I actually found a few different standard novel structure templates and used them to outline a bunch of novels I never intended to write, as practice. Bad and silly ones that were just fun to play with, where there was no pressure to write anything I’d ever want anyone to see. My background is in music, so my instinct when I don’t know how to do something is to isolate that element and practice it on its own, and it’s never steered me wrong.*

But more than that - what you’re feeling as closed-ended is that you’re trying to write a story with structure, as opposed to one that is mostly improvised. I remember feeling this too, when I first started exploring writing novels, but this is one of those cases where limitations are actually what gives you freedom.

Structure is part of the artistry of storytelling - just like poetry has forms like sonnets and sestinas, and songs have verses, bridges, and choruses. You know intuitively the structure of a pop song, and that heightens the pleasure of listening to one as you anticipate the build up to the chorus. Stories are like this too. The structure is an important part of the audience’s enjoyment of the final piece, whether they know it or not.

I’ll give an example. Season one of AMC’s The Terror is a piece of fiction that is structured with some serious artistry, above and beyond just good craftsmanship, its structure is a crucial part of how it creates meaning. As a result a lot of what its fans do is analyze it for parallels in its storytelling. I don’t think many of them would articulate what they enjoy about it as “this is a well structured story,” but the structure is actually one of the main things the fandom engages with.

More than any writing resource, the best way to learn is to study and analyze stories you admire - why things are put in a certain order and why events fall at the points in the story that they do. When are you anticipating, when are you experiencing catharsis, where in the story do those things happen? Explore widely! You don’t have to limit yourself to novels! Movies are great for getting a basic understanding of how you can structure a story because the time and space requirements they’re subject to mean movies tend to be very rigidly structured. There’s no time to mess around like there is in long forms of fiction like novels.

I encourage you to embrace structure as a part of the art and a potential tool for expression and beauty! I can’t tell you how rewarding it is.

*I am aware that this advice does not work for a lot of people, so if it doesn’t work for you that is also perfectly fine! Everyone is different.

[edenfenixblogs]

Hello, as a non-Jewish person I have read Night because of your posts. I am not very good at articulating my thoughts, and if anything I say brings up questions for you I will try and answer them. The beginning where there is a sense of hope, is so awful because it just constantly gets worse and worse. The worsening of the regulations while the people of his village tell themselves that it is not too bad, but it is terrible, right from the first limitation, and even before it, all the events that led to it.“German laborers were going to work. They would stop and look at us with no surprise” (100), “And the spectators observed those emancipated creatures ready to kill for a piece of bread”(101). This dehumanization, I wonder how did the German citizens live with it? This sentiment continues on to this day, and yet it is dismissed so easily. “I was sixteen” His relationship with his religion is hurt so much, this general feeling of hopelessness that other people around him also feel, “Just like Rabbi Eliahu’s son, I had not passed the test”. He feels such guilt, he tries so hard to help his father, even as he is starving himself.

While I read this book, sometimes I thought that whatever is happening in this book was not that bad. Sometimes they would get a thicker soup and that would make him happy. How awful is that? For this to be normal for him. For this to not be unusual to me. In the stories of the Holocaust that I have learned, these things are not unfamiliar, the starvation, the apathy of other civilians, the death marches. His story has been categorized in my mind as another set of terrible things that were done to a Jewish person during the Holocaust. His story, every single atrocity that was done to him, I can not imagine properly, yet I only feel an undefinable upset over what happened to him. I think there is something wrong with that? I have very recently discovered that I am, in fact, antisemitic, from your posts and someone else that also realized their antisemitism (which you pointed out), and am trying to outgrow it. I am concerned that my reaction to this book is greatly affected by antisemitism. I can’t tell, am I telling myself that his suffering was ok? Am I? In the book, there are often mentions of Jewish culture that I do not know of. For example, “Shavuot” and the New Year being in summertime. I understand that these are google-able questions, but I was wondering if you have resources for a general introduction into Jewish culture and history? I hope by learning more I can dismantle my antisemitism. If you know a better way to do so, I would appreciate if you could let me know! Thank you for the recommendation to read Night, I will read All But My Life next. I am sorry if my concern over my antisemitism reads as shallow, I do not know how else to express it.

Friend, I am SO PROUD OF YOU and SO GRATEFUL FOR YOU!!!!!

I have said repeatedly that all journeys begin somewhere. More people are antisemitic than are not antisemitic, because that’s how systemic oppression works. You have been taught to hate me.

I thank you for seeing our shared humanity and working to unlearn the harmful things you know.

1. How did the Germans live with the dehumanization? The same way people are living with the dehumanization of Jews now. German antisemitism was deeply tied to antisemitic concepts and tropes that long predated Hitler. These tropes and conspiracy theories had been floating around Europe for a very long time. Furthermore, they have never gone away. All the old tropes and conspiracy theories are resurfacing in the internet age, because the Holocaust only temporarily shamed antisemites, but not enough significant cultural shifts occurred to stop it from rising again.

2. “…sometimes I thought that whatever was happening was not that bad…” I think I see what you are saying. I don’t know your age or where you are from, so I’m not sure if you’ve ever dealt with these kinds of feelings before, let alone how to articulate them — or how to do so in English. But you seem to be horrified by what is happening but you also seem to feel guilt that you find moments of relief in the horrible times as well. I don’t think that makes you a bad person. I just think that makes you a person. The human mind is not built to comprehend trauma on the scale seen during The Holocaust. It instinctively tries to find moments of reprieve that prove things aren’t that bad. And, to be fair, Judaism applauds this. It is a very Jewish idea that we should always look for moments of joy even when our hearts are steeped in misery. Because life is joy. And it is sometimes impossible to wrap our minds around how joyless life can be, and often was for Jews during this time. But your instinct to recognize the impulse to say “well, this day/moment/experience wasn’t so bad” and correct yourself to say, “actually this is a horrific terrible thing that just wasn’t as bad as that other horrific terrible thing that just happened” instead is a good instinct. One of the reasons the Holocaust occurred was because both Jews and non-Jews gave in to this instinct to minimize suffering. Jews minimized our own suffering and clung to hope until it was too late too late to fight back successfully. From the moment we were told to register on lists and wear stars and get on trains, we all should have fought. We should have fought louder and more to condemn Hitler while he was on the rise and to shame those who would vote for him. But ultimately, we were still outnumbered terribly and nothing we did could have stopped the horrors that followed if non-Jews didn’t support us. Non-Jews, of course, bare the true guilt and responsibility for the Holocaust. They refused to question their own hatred. They turned a blind eye to the rising antisemitism. They abandoned their friends in need. They complied with hostile forces who threatened them in order to betray the Jews around them.

Your job as a non-Jew is to never repeat those mistakes. Never let an instance of antisemitism go unremarked on. Ever. And learn what antisemitism looks like. Refuse to ever let it exist or ignored in your presence.

Everyone likes to pretend they would do this, but very few ever do. The reality is that some people hate Jews so much, they will stop being your friend for defending us. And to be a good person, you have to be willing to let those people leave your life if they are unwilling to let go of their hate and learn to do better. The reality is that, at some point, you may very well be asked to choose to reject a friend for the sake of the safety of Jews you have never and will never meet. The good news is that this is not the case the majority of the time!

Most people want to consider themselves good people. And most people want the approval of their peer groups.

Your job is to steer the attitude of your peer group away from antisemitic thinking and toward peace and deconstruction of hateful systemic antisemitism—rather than allowing your peer group to steer you toward the comforting familiarity of Jew-hatred.

3. “…I have recently discovered that I am antisemitic…” I forgive you. As I said, most people are. I draw a distinction between someone who is antisemitic and someone who is an antisemite. You have harmful and negative opinions about Jews because of the systemic bigotry you have been surrounded by your whole life. But this hatred has not become your identity. You recognize this hatred as a part of you that must be discarded. Antisemitism is something you have, not something you are. And you are doing the right things to make sure you stop being antisemitic. This, to me, means you are not an antisemite. If you give up and stop caring about Jews and unlearning these harmful thought patterns, that would make you an antisemite. Because that would mean you are comfortable folding the antisemitism you possess into your identity and sense of self. It seems to me you do not wish to do this. And that means you’re growing and changing for the better. And that is beautiful.

4. “I am concerned that my reaction to this book is affected by antisemitism.” Yeah it probably is. But so is most people’s reaction to this book. That’s the point. Your being willing to confront that is what is important. It is about looking at the places where you lose empathy for Jews, asking yourself why, and then fixing the reason you find.

5. “Am I telling myself his suffering was ok?” I think you’re doing the opposite. I think you’re re-sensitizing yourself to something you were de-sensitized to. That is difficult and admirable.

6. Regarding Jewish culture:

6.a. “Shavuot” is a Jewish holiday. It is the anniversary of the day G-d gave the Torah to the Israelites. In general, a good way to familiarize yourself with stuff like this is to look for resources about Jewish holidays and what they mean. Hebcal offers short summaries of each Jewish holiday that you can import into your phone calendar and learn about as they happen. Wikipedia has a page about Jewish holidays that you can explore. So does the Jewish Virtual Library.

6.b. Jewish culture is vast and impossible to summarize simply. I would recommend starting with the Wikipedia Page on Jewish Culture and exploring whatever seems interesting to you. You’ll never learn it all and that’s ok! I’ve never met a Jew who knows it all either! We have so many subcultures all over the world shaped by unique experiences in diaspora. The most important thing to take away is that no matter how far apart we are or how differently we practice, we are all one people whose goal is to love our fellow humans and do our best to make the world a better place. This is called Tikkun Olam, which means repairing the world. This in itself is a huge concept. But it all relates to making the world better for one another.

I think you are doing a beautiful and amazing thing. And you, by choosing to remove hate from your mind and your actions, are actively making the world a better place. You are repairing some of the damage done by systemic antisemitism.

You are doing Tikkun Olam. And that, in every possible situation, is the best thing you can ever do. Thank you, @JellyMarbles

[trans-androgyne]

hey, thank you for having and running this blog. you're doing the equivalent of gods work.

first, i'm sorry for the amounts of jerk anons you have to deal with. you literally articulate yourself very well and clearly, and still, people will find a way to twist it or not take it seriously. it reminds me of me "arguing" with terfs back in 2022 on twitter. (shudders.)

and second, how do you deal with the constant negativity? i have found myself doomscrolling the transandrophobia tag, and, well, to no ones surprise, my mental health is down the gutter. do you have any tips to deal with it? mainly with the transandrophobia in general? it is more than exhausting existing as a (gnc & enby) trans guy atm, and it's really getting to me. the thing is, I wouldn't mind it if it were non-queer bigots, but the fact it's coming from inside the community is devastating. i am more than hurt. this intense hatred for men and masculinity, queer, trans, or not, is incomprehensible to me. it never does anything good. anyone who says "i hate all men and anything masculine" is definitely going in the "yep that's either a radfem or a radfem hatchling" box. i partially understand as to why- i had a fear of men myself when i still identified as a girl, and slipped into the "all men bad. kill" side of the internet for a short while but ONLY because of this rhetoric ("you need to be afraid because there are men outside." , "men and masculinity are inherently predatory or dangerous")- but i got out of it because i saw how fucked it was eventually (thank goodness)- but nothing should ever be an excuse to excessively hate a gender or masculinity this badly. and its mostly gender essentialist bs anyways imo, so i do not understand it at all...it reminds me of people saying men/mascs cant be asexual because it's "in their nature to be sexual"- because testosterone. its hard. i just wish we all could respect each other. you're either "one of the bad bad evil men" or "noooooo not YOU. you're AFAB!! never!! youre a girl/woman in spirit!!" from my personal experience with terfs/radfems/idiots.

anyways, sorry for invading your anon space with this long rant, but i just wanted to leave this and the question. i hope you have a nice day/night, and thank you for reporting on transandrophobia as much as you do. it's sadly very much needed right now.

Thank you so much, this is such a kind ask to receive. To be honest with you: I don’t handle my mental health very well around it </3 It’s weighed on me pretty heavily these last few months especially. The things keeping me running this blog anyway are my passion for the transmasc community and lovely anons like yourself cheering me up. When it comes to trying to manage it, the most important thing for me has been finding people I can vent to about it who will understand. I’m lucky enough to have a wonderful discord server full of awesome trans people who will talk it through with me, and that’s been a life-saver. Staying offline for a bit and trying to engage in person with people who are unlikely to be transandrophobic towards you can be a nice relief. I catch myself doomscrolling constantly too, and it doesn’t feel great. If you need to set some sort of time limit on your phone even just to remind yourself not to do it, that’s helped me before and might help you too.

Having this much hatred levied at me for my identity from my own community lately has been devastating. I completely understand you. I’ve always been vocal about supporting transfems in particular, so it really hurts to see so many turn against me for speaking up. I understand how the queer community got this way, though. Antimasculinism has been an issue in queer and feminist spaces for ages. I think people are starting to notice it more and understand why it sucks and how much it negatively affects trans men and mascs. It feels like a losing battle sometimes with how much cultural feminism — the Men Bad Women Good flavor of pop feminism — has pervaded our communities and often led to very overt radical feminism that people still can’t always recognize because they don’t know anything about TERFs outside of them hating trans women. I believe the culture will start to shift soon such that people are able to recognize sexism and gender essentialism that harms all genders, and I will be doing my part to help that happen.

[13thdoctorposts]

Highlights from Jodie Whittaker’s Gold Coast Panel

Host

So have you got any stories from Attack the Block?

A.

Can I think of stories from attack the block?

I would say that when we were shooting it just as a little like genius of Joe Cornish.

He is an encyclopedia of films and television. And every single element of it is some kind of homage to something you’ve seen. One thing that was really clever is there is no accidental lighting, so the entire thing is set at night so that every single light is deliberate. This stuff or that, like the kids train, is like, every single element is a choice. And you can't say that for most things, because the sun will just appear sometimes, and the sun can take full credit for the lighting. But in that film, he chose every single element. And that's why I think it's such a great film, because it's detailed beyond belief.

Host

Thank you. Wow. Can I see that.

Q.

What's your favorite memory of playing The Doctor?

A.

My favorite memory? There's so many, I'll tell you what, I'll give you a moment that's relevant to something like this. One of the highlights of playing The Doctor actually happened to me at a con, and it was San Diego, and so it was before the show would come out.

We were filming, and I got invited to come to this kind of the cosplay show. And when I got there, I was like, a special guest. And because I was just feeling really confident, I was like, can we not announce me? Can I pretend I'm a model?

I came out in my costume, slowly walking down, and I thought I was gonna get to the end to do some big reveal. But I must have a very obvious walk, because people started to realize, and the really narcissistic part myself, absolutely loved it because I got such a big round of applause just for walking. So that was a really amazing moment.

Q.

My question is about one night. Your character Tess has tattoos. They're only shown in two scenes, one in the first episode and one in the last I was wondering if they were both shot together, even though characters in different places, at different times, and the system of putting those tattoos on, because there's quite a lot.

A.

Yes, it was. It was one of the most influential stage directions I've ever read of a character when that doesn't necessarily feature as a main part of the story. So my character Tess, in a Australian show called One Night, I’m very proud of it is covered in tattoos and every tattoo was a choice, and designed by the incredible designer and all the creatives. And so there's no accident. But the first time we did it, it took about 4 Hours and we stood like this for what is a very small scene as well.

And then the next scene, which is however many months later, I think we got it down to 3 Hours but it was still, it was a long time.

But it was such an amazing character choice, the writer, beautiful writing that gave me so much, but I didn't have to necessarily articulate what that was. It was just she gave me this armor to be able to play tests.

And that is when I started to read it, it's only a few scenes into the first ep, I was like, I'm playing that part. I'm absolutely playing that part. because I just thought that was such an incredible choice.

Q.

I was just wondering, in regards to Doctor Who, was there anyone that you wanted to like come and appear on the show alongside you, like an old companion?

A.

Ah, I suppose I was spoiled for companions. So I think with that, I was, I would have loved, oh, it's difficult before, before we got to the point where I met my master, who is played incredibly by Sasha, and I adored every single scene I was in with Sasha.

There was a part that was like, oh, wonder if I get to work with Michelle. I thought that would have been incredible. So if anyone's out there and they write episodes of Doctor Who, I think that might be a good one.

Q.

Hi, and why did you decide to become an actor? Oh, that's such a good question.

A

When I was probably a bit younger than you i watched a film called goonies and if you haven't seen it highly recommend it stood the test of time and it is such an amazing film and i think what it does is it celebrates the inner child's because as a kid. I watched it and thought, oh my gosh, they're going on this amazing adventure. But then as I got older, I realized that could be a job, and then I got to play the Doctor. So it really is a job that you get to play pretend in the most epic scale, and anything is possible. So I think that's what I wanted to continually feel, was that I could be my inner child till I'm 99.

Q.

my question was, I love seeing, you know, Thasmin play out on screen in Doctor Who. And I know that you and Mandip had a bit of involvement in making that happen. So I was wondering, could you, explain how we got that.

A.

No, no we didn’t, so I think just the fact that Chris obviously knows us and knows how much we love each other. Yeah no we had no influence on any of the story lines. Obviously, we had that, the characterization, and we fully, you know, believed in and loved the direction that our characters went in, and it played out perfectly for me in my head. That is absolutely my kind of dream ending of where I saw my doctor. And the to the point of regen was with that side by side with Mandip .And for those two characters as well, I thought it was beautifully played out, but it was all Chris Chibnall. So I can take no credit, which also the video in the cupboard during lockdown.

I think people were really generous and thought I'd written it, but I didn't write that. Chris wrote it and sent it to me and said, I think it'd be really brilliant if the doctor could maybe, you know, say something. And so that was him as well. So I love that. I keep getting all this credit there. But, but I absolutely adored where our story line went.

Q.

You have obviously played such a diverse range of characters, and I'm just really curious about your process when you sort of get the script and how you create them.

A.

Do you know what? I can't write at all, and I don't want to be a writer. And because it's not within my skill set. And I think because of that, my appreciation the next level, I think 90% of my job is generally always done, I’m so lucky to work on extraordinary scripts, and a lot of your hard work is there, like I was saying about, Emily (one night writer), with one night. This wonderful stage direction is she's covered in tattoos. But those kind of details are just the best. Sometimes an entire character can be given to you in a tiny stage direction, or in a use of punctuation. Something can be a dot, dot, dot, and it has a completely different meaning than an exclamation mark.

I think that, for me, is the absolute side point. Take what you can from the script, and then I've been looking at what the directors and cast do it’s a really collaborative effort My main thing is, I don't like to decide or even kind of go there on how I'm gonna do something before you say action. Because if I do, I'm just a bit cluttered, and I overthink it, and I wouldn't listen to you. So however you were doing it, my brains go, well, I'm gonna do it like this, and it doesn't work for me. So for me, I kind of, I need to be kind of completely unprepared to be prepared, that not even answer. I don't think I should teach a drama school. Basically, not everyone can teach. And I can't.

Q.

If you could be in any episode of Doctor Who that already come out to 13, which would you choose? And why? The ones that you haven’t already been in

A.

I am furious if no one's seen it I'm REALLY sorry I'm furious I MISSED an episode with spice girls i Am Sorry… But how did that happen when i wasn't IN it? spice of your life i devastated, I was like, I'm sorry. What? But it's only because It was so amazing. Sorry if that's a spoiler.

Q.

I just wanted to see if you could tell us a bit about your audition process for Doctor Who.

A.

So it was an interesting one because it's secretive from the second the words are spoken. And my initial meeting was what I thought was just a cup of tea with my name Chris, because we did Broadchurch, and we were doing the junket and he was in town. He doesn't live in London. So we met up and we were chatting, and he’d been announced as the show runner. And I said, please, can i be a baddie? And then that was when it was, can you keep a secret? Depends. And it was, would you like to audition to play The Doctor? Um…I'm sorry? (Laughs)

But then it was a lot. It was quite a few rounds. It was about three And some of it was my husband taped me when, you know, at like, 09:00 p.m., when my kids asleep, and not gonna come in the room and ruin it. And I got, like, iphone wires and had to defuse something.

And we did it. Most tapes I've ever done, I've been sat on a couch and you make sure it's like a really tight two shot there. So my I was running around with an iphone as I was jumping on a couch and then trying to do the gobbly guke. And I say that with up most respect. And it was so stressful. And then when I got it, they were the most fun. I was so scared of those scenes more than anything. And, that's always the most fun when the doctor's just fizzing and working out. So, so it was over months, and it was very secretive, but then I finally got it.

Q.

I was wondering about your doctor. Is there a facet or an aspect of the of your doctor that you wish you could have explored more?

A.

I don't know. That's a good question. Um.

Is the one you like me to have explored?… No, just because I feel as if there's a lot of versions of The Doctor that I really enjoyed. And I love it, particularly around The Timeless Child, where there was this kind of deep rooted rage that would come out in a kind of slightly spitty, you know, frustrated way I enjoyed playing the distance sometimes when i wasn't quite connecting with the people that i was with i enjoyed THOSE elements because i follow such a contradiction to the not a contradiction. Just such a journey away from the kind of energized, childlike version of The Doctor that I loved to play But can you answer that? What would you have like me to have done it?

I think the depth of the distant of the doctor, was amazing But I think that I would have liked to see a bit more, um, a bit more unhingedness.

Okay, so we'll get an episode of me and Michelle, because we're really unhinged.

Q.

You've done so many roles that have legit, ripped my heart out. when is this trauma gonna turn into a villain arc?

A.

Oh, I know. I keep saying that, so keep, I keep contradicting myself, because I get asked specially after Doctor Who, what is it that you want to do? And I was like, oh, you know, I'd really love to play, like, I'd love to some comedy, maybe, or explore a character that has a lot of darkness and potentially not very likable. And then, you know, wanna kind of steer clear, maybe of, like, drama. And then I did one night, time. And this other thing. It's very emotional, and I don't know why, but I kind of keep breaking my own rules.But I would love to explore a villain. I mean, that was my initial thing.I want to be a baddie.But I'm glad Chris didn't listen.

Q.

I'm a big fan of Attack the Block, and especially the horror sections of Doctor Who, and I was wondering, what was your approach, and how would you think about doing the, your characters different in that sort of horror setting compared to other genres?

A.

Oh, do you mean, like, how would I do it or if The Doctor was in more of a horror genre or if me as an actor got to be in that?

Both. But you as an actor?

I'm into horror. That's kind of, let me say, to reference. It's like, one might be a bit young for it, but there was a classic horror for me that came out when I was like, 16, and it was right at the beginning, of the Internet so being able to have this mystery, because now we're so used to information been given to us by the Internet.

But when I was 16, it was that there was this found footage of these guys in a wood And then I went see the film. I was like, this really happened, oh boy, which it's really, really happened. And now you can't really create that that kind of, like trickery in a way, during a press junket, because we know it's a film. But I that kind of horror that plays that doesn't give you too much, I don't wanna see everything chopped up. I'm just not into it I'm too much for whim. But the psychological horror of the when you hear it, but don't see it. Those are the kind of things that I think brilliant to play.

But then when we did have things like that, with the Dregs, and we were filmed in I was chasing me and once you were stuck in a cage, and every time it hit the railing, it was really loud. And I go, ahhhh… I know the doctor's probably braver okay you know I, don't know how i did it ha ha.

Q.

Some Doctors have had input into their outfit. Others have been told by they can't have that. How much input did you have into the outfit?

A.

Well, so I had a hugely collaborative experience with the costume designer, and it started from the second we met. We met in a bar that he recommended. And the surrounding wallpaper was this petrol blue which became the trousers. I had a photo that I sent to Chris when I was trying to trick him into giving me the part I sent him all these photo references. And it was a woman. It's a black and white picture. I Don't know where it's from. I don't know if it's fake, black and white, and it's modern or I don't know but it's someone walking with purpose short trouser, tshirt boots so to me all of that, the coat was very much collaborative with ray because I would say things And he came back with the design of the coat that was so perfect.

I Didn't want buttons because I felt like it was pointless. Of course, wanted pockets. I wanted a hood, but I wanted the colors to be representative. Because of my first episode, I wanted to transition from was space through to Earth, sky. So the entire lining on the inside is a dark blue, black for space. The exterior is a kind of like sky blue light color. But also the into the the Suffragette colors are inside the sleeves. And it has my pride stripes everywhere, and yellow braces because it's my favourite color. So the whole thing, the jewelry was collaborative with Alex Monroe. It was amazing. I think I take more credit for it than it was me, because i felt like I'd go oh i came up with that and then actually, when i look back on it it was drawings that ray had done. Very much you gave him A pebble and he created a statue out of it. It was amazing.

Q.

I just first wanna say thank you for making a very queer, coded doctor. I just wanna quickly ask, we've seen David tenant come back for the anniversary just past, and we've seen doctors come back in the past. Would you ever consider coming back again and putting back on the coat and the zonic of everything?

A.

Hundred percent. I would love to, and I really, if that's not, I would be really offended, because I would love it, and it'd be so amazing. And you just, you never wanna say goodbye to It is the the gift role forever. And I'm still, I'm gonna grieve it forever. But I suppose the feeling is that you don't have to necessarily let go, because, like you say, other doctors have come back. There was loads in my last ep, so there's no reason for me not to bob up somewhere. But I want to.

Q.

Did you take anything from like the set, all your costume?

A.

I've stolen it all. I've got my jump suit, the prison jump suit. And just as a little fun fact about costume, all of the dates are personal to me. So there's dates all the way down the side, and there's a lot of Gallifreyan you know, kind of design. But all of them are a meaningful date to me. So that was, that's the kind of joy thing you can put into your doctor. So I've got that, so I've got my costume and me and Mandip very clearly heard ‘that is a rap in the TARDIS’ So we heard that on the last day of filming and she had a hold on the console that was like this massive ball thing. I snapped off the tiny mini TARDIS that spun And then, we hear and we're gonna do some pickup shots in the TARDIS without any actors. So I think there was a bit of swift editing there, because I absolutely wasn’t my fault. I heard cut.

Q.

When it comes to Doctor Who, do you have a favorite doctor from any era?

A.

I got asked this the other day. I'm not saying, it's not saying you don't like the other ones. I got asked recently about classic, and so I said, Sylvester But you said any you didn't say classic. I'm gonna say, Jo Martin. The episode to shoot with her, and the moment when her doctor is revealed and the costume and the energy she bought was amazing. And so, Jo Martin, hahaha.

Q.

I was just wondering, were you interested in doing the Big Finish audios? And if so, what kind of story would you like?

A.

I don't know. I get ask all the time. And I don't know. I mean, hopefully, is this something I ask them? Do they ask me? Big Finish? Well, obviously, if it, then if I was gonna do it, I'd really wanna do it with Mandip, but I would love to, I mean, this is, what is this job? You know, I've not been the doctor now for two other doctors, and it's amazing that you still get to experience it and be a part of it. So if being a part of things like big finish, or any of you the… I suppose, departments?, but all those other things that celebrate Doctor Who I'd wanna be in them all.

Q.

It's such a loved program. Is it what you thought it would be playing the Doctor like?So you're the figurehead of that program. You know, is it what you thought it would be? in as big as you thought?

A.

I think it's, it's bigger and more magical than you can kind of ever describe, because it's as a new whovian as well. And I'd said to Chris in the process of audition, look, I've not seen loads of it. I've seen, you know, bits when I was a kid, but we didn't have it on those in house. But then also, I've got mates that have been in episodes. I've done those auditions and not got in, you know, things like that. And so it has a very unknown quantity about it. To me, I was very much walking into something and going, okay, what is this? And I think from the second you get on set, and the crew, the crew I worked with, had been working on the show for twelve years. It was such a magical family and to shoot it in Wales.

Wales is one of the most beautiful countries you can ever visit.

So to be there and to be in this ready made family of something that all the hard work's been done because all the other doctors build up this family , you just shouldn't lose it. And so then to have our journey and our story lines, and to then have this opportunity where we went out to press or we met fans, and to have the interaction and to speak to people, to see how much it's meant to them through their life, is so extraordinary, because for me And I can definitely say it and for Mandip as well, that it's our happiest time as actors. We've never been happier, and we knew when we were in it. Ah, this is this. It's just so nice, and there's just so much, just wonderful about it. And I think that needs forever. This is so easy to talk about, so easy to be in this room and do it because I wouldn't have to, I've never fake how much I love it. I loved it, but as a new whovian. And I'm like, oh, I get it. Hahaha. I one of a family then. Haha. That's it. I'm in.

Q.

Do you ever get nervous when you're playing The Doctor?

A.

I was nervous all the time. I know The most nervous, I think I've ever been on a set was in my first week of shoot in The Doctor. It was my hero speech at the end of episode one. So my very first day involved jumping between cranes. Mind you I’ve only ever run around and cried on most jobs. So jumping between cranes was a whole new thing. And on day two, I think it was my huge kind of realization of, I know who I am, I am the doctor, and saying that for the first time, and thinking, if you mess this up, there's still time to recast I've been here two days. So that was the most nerve racking.

And I think sometimes another time when I was nervous as well, we had Stephen Fry come in And I was a bit like, you might not remember me, but I was in St. Trinian's And we kind of had a scene in St. Trinian's, isn't it was, you know. And so him being on set, I was just so nervous, because I was just like, he's a legend to me. So this is very… I think if you're not scared and you haven't got the adrenaline of nerves, you're taking it for granted.

Q.

Who is your least favorite doctor?

A

There's nobody, the craziest answer. I haven't got one.

Q.

Did you ever think you would have had such the impact on the doctor who community?

A.

The thing that's such a joy for me playing the Doctor, the thing that I really quickly realized was that it. I adore this community, and I feel that everyone in the fandom should feel represented and what I feel really proud of with ours, which has nothing to do with me, like you saying about, when, you know, with me and Mandip had credit to that story, and we didn't in that way, but it was, that was the beautiful transition of this gorgeous journey that we'd been on. And I think that because it then resonated so powerfully to so many people, that is the all of a Christmas Day gift, because what you want is you want your work to, to speak to people, and you also wanna feel as if everyone feels seen. And I think that that's what I'm really, proud of.

Whenever I have these wonderful interactions with people, they say that the doctor means this or someone else's doctor means that for me, that very often is having that wonderful moment where someone feels like that storyline really spoke to them. And I think I can't take any credit for it because I didn't write it, but I loved being a part of it.