#i’m not a writer i’m just a lesbian who’s really down bad for her | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

mitziholder · 1 year ago

Note

I find your thoughts on fandom interesting, and in general, I'm really glad to see more discussion of the bad shit fandom can/is doing to young women in radblr spaces. But I mean this as an honest question: Why do you consider fandom not challenging writers/readers such a problem? These aren't professional writing spaces, and the vast majority of fanfic writers don't intend to go into them. Does an artistic hobby *need* to challenge its participants to be worthwhile? I mean this all really genuinely, especially as someone who *does* work in the arts and *does* actively want work that challenges me, and has traditionally prided herself on it -- are these inherent moral goods? Am I a reasonable standard to expect of other people? Is engaging with boundary-pushing art a requirement of healthy maturity? Why? Is, say, a human rights lawyer who spends her free time watching trashy reality shows blighted, somehow, by that fact? What about a cashier who watches the same stuff because she's genuinely not interested in anything else? And, given the vast majority of readers of actual books basically read the way fanfic-only readers read -- the same genres, which use well-worn tropes -- do we think fandom is actually keeping its participants from more worthwhile experiences? (I suspect you might argue this is dumbing down the publishing industry, which I would really disagree with, as someone in publishing -- I know we can all point to Ali Hazelwood or a million YA books that advertise with tropes, but I really can't emphasize enough that this has been the case since modern publishing began, and I think pinning "so-so prose that's The Same Old Shit" on the current young female writer cohort borders on sexism, tbh.) I've been thinking about these questions a lot lately, and I just don't know the answers. My gut wants to say yes, it's good to present challenging work to people, especially women, because art is a key part of the human experience, and can effect all sorts of societal things. But also ... I know very little about the environment, including my immediate natural environment, and if I'm honest, I'm not really inclined to learn. I'm sure learning about it would effect all sorts of change in my life and concept of self. But I'm probably not going to do it because I have a limited amount of time and I'd rather give it to other things. Is that better or worse than engaging with challenging art? Is it better or worse to be me than the woman reading the same old tropey fanfic in her free time? I think what I WOULD argue is that, specifically, fandom as it is reinforces patriarchy and induces a lot self-destruction and alienation in young women, with particularly vile effects on young lesbians, autistic women, etc. But if it didn't do that....would I still have a problem with it? I don't know. But it's interesting as hell to think about, and I'd love your thoughts on it.

hello nona :-) many interesting points, much to consider

>Does an artistic hobby need to challenge its participants to be worthwhile?

no. I’m sure there are plenty of people who enjoy crochet or knitting or something like that for the sake of it or to de-stress. I’m sure there are also plenty of people who write and draw for the sake of it with little interest in grinding for improvement. that’s fine. the problem is when you have people who replace reading and personal edification with endless fluff + pointless indulgence.

reading... things... that are above your level, that actually make you think, is how you increase your vocabulary, your linguistic competence, your critical thinking skills, your ability to express yourself. difficult and complex texts present you with opportunities to broaden your perspective. they stimulate your mind, present you with new ideas; they can help you grow as a person in ways that the Same Old Shit simply won’t/can’t. it would be like benching the bar every day for 10 years straight and expecting to get stronger... I presume. I don’t lift weights.

as I said previously, I don’t think fanfic is going to destroy your brain, but if you read nothing but fanfic, that is on the same level as (or maybe worse than) reading nothing at all. of course I’m going to be critical of a community of people who humblebrag about how they can’t bring themselves to read 25 pages of literature in an academic (non yaoitastic) context.

ya ya it’s a joke they’re joking very funny, but do you see people of other creative pursuits or hobbies joking about how they can’t bring themselves to focus on a piece of actual literature or nonfiction? how they have zero interest in anything outside of anime boys kissing each other? it’s a sign of intellectual stagnation (and eventual regression imo).

I watch a lot of shitty youtube videos, but I acknowledge that they are basically a waste of my time. meanwhile you have post after post singing the praises of how culturally important and worthy of respect Our Beloved Fic Writers are in spite of the fact that their work is, by and large, completely self-indulgent shit! there’s just so much potential that isn’t being tapped into & so much complacency... it’s very frustrating to me. I find it dishonest. red white and royal blue is not going to change the world... lol

for the record, yes, you are right, lots of Real book-readers also read mostly self-indulgent shit. genre fiction is far more popular than anything else... and I don’t care for booktok either. in fairness, literary fiction isn’t always good, and I’m sure there were many women who read nothing but terrible pulp novels 70 years ago too. that doesn’t make fandom any better! not to say this is all women’s fault - I just have zero frame of reference for how “cultured” men may or may not be, and I don’t really care either way. I focus on fandom girlies because they’re what I know, & I want women to be... better, or at least more interesting. this is, of course, sexist by definition. I hold myself and other women to higher standards. I will admit to that. I’ll also admit to the fact that I do not care about men or what they are writing or reading and would not give a shit if they all became illiterate thoughtless slugs. it is what it is.

truthfully, I have no interest in moralizing any of this. I just find it depressing! it’s resulting in more and more women who cannot relate to and have zero interest in anything outside of the narrowly defined fanfic bubble - so, more and more women who can’t relate to me or what I care about. I’m selfish, and I think it’s unfortunate that there are so many young female writers clearly capable of writing something interesting who nevertheless restrict themselves to lowest common denominator coombrained garbage because it’s what’s easy and popular.

do we have a responsibility to pester random strangers about their amateur fanfic? naw. who has the time? all I know is that conversations I’ve had with my female friends about our original works or other women’s writing have been vastly more substantial and enlightening than any argument about who tops or bottoms in supernatural... imo. in my opinion

re: the environment and social responsibility, I also have no interest in debating what matters are the most important and whether you have a personal, moral obligation to educate yourself about them. I recognize that we all have a limited amount of time and energy to dedicate to something which is admittedly fairly peripheral to most people’s everyday concerns (such as... paying the bills). then again, so is almost everything.

at the end of the day, I just think it is an awful shame that some women would - and they freely admit this - rather turn their brains off and do nothing, think about nothing, read the same shit over and over, watch the same shows over and over, draw and write the same things and dynamics over and over... than do anything else. anything different or thought-provoking or uncomfortable. it is a loss for the breadth and the depth of women’s contributions to culture as well as their empathy and intellectual curiosity.

obligatory food analogy: a little bit of junk food won’t kill you, but if that’s all you’re eating, you are probably not... doing... well

and that’s not even getting into the social contagion present within fandom re:mogai, relationships, and gender identity shit (which I would say probably has a lot to do with the underdeveloped critical thinking skills and worldviews of girls who read nothing but fanfiction). I would love to come back to that at some point, but I think this post is long enough, so I’ll just put a pin in it. there’s honestly an insane amount that I have to say about common talking points regarding the value of yaoi/fanfic (in terms of how they portray Marginalized Identities and Relationships and how it supposedly helps women navigate their own trauma through a proxy or some shit like that) oh god this is a horrible run-on .... that’s all for now! send post!

#i am glad you found my thoughts interesting enough to write in:)#ask

59 notes · View notes

m4ndysk4nkovich · 1 year ago

Text

my thoughts on sandy milkovich:

(buckle up because i have a lot to say, as always)

so, for starters, one thing that i’m not incredibly fond of is how her character isn’t really original. like, it is, but it isn’t. her name is sandy, for christ’s sake- which is literally one letter away from mandy, also not to mention the fact that she was practically raised as mickey’s sister. and in many way’s she’s like a female version of mickey, i’ll explain why:

obviously one way she’s like mickey is that she dated a gallagher, but i think that the way she acts in the relationship is very much like how mickey acts in gallavich. well…acted. more seasons 1-5 gallavich.

she’s a bit less… idk, fearful than mickey was? i mean, it’s understandable why mickey was so fearful- have you seen terry? did you watch 3x666? or 4x11? i would’ve been fearful if i were him, too. we don’t know much about how sandy was raised, but she probably wasn’t raised well. again, she seemingly was raised as mickey’s sister rather than his cousin (he does have a brother who is also his cousin, to be fair, but that’s not what i mean) but sandy’s parents may not have been as threatening or terrifying as terry was. terry does seem to be the most well-known milkovich. everybody knows terry. maybe sandy’s parents were homophobic in a way where they looked down on queer people, but didn’t literally murder them. you can see how much more open she is with the whole “he’s gay, terry. i’m gay. people are gay.”

but sandy can be mean. and so can mickey. i love them both to death but sandy’s fight with debbie in season 11 really reminded me of gallavich in seasons 2/3. specifically “you’re nothing but a warm mouth to me” and “you love me; and you’re gay” she wins the fight by using something to hurt debbie, and it works.

and what was the fight all about? sandy leaving her husband, who she was with as a teenager but felt no love for him whatsoever, and also leaving her kid. sound familiar? ian never held yevgeny and svetlana against mickey, but it’s similar.

and when they break up on the front porch all i, and many other gallavich fans, could think of was “5x12!!!!”

also she was a drug dealer and in juvie and it was implied that she was in prison. this isn’t exclusive to mickey, the only milkovich i can think of (other than yevgeny) who hasn’t been incarcerated is mandy, but we don’t know for sure that she hasn’t been to juvie before. she’s certainly done things that could land her in prison for a very long time.

and i feel like with the same amount of time and development sandy can be as great as her cousin is, because mickey changed A LOT over the seasons which made him even more lovable.

but sandy’s ending was pathetic and i hate the writers for it. it was unnecessary and damaged debbie’s character when she didn’t need it because sandy left literally 4 EPISODES BEFORE THE SERIES FINALE. the only thing that sandy leaving added was the evidence that debbie would stick with franny no matter what, but fuck that, it was too late in the show for most people (not me ofc) to give a shit about that. people overlooked that a lot.

i feel like sandy helped out debbie’s character a lot, while simultaneously fucking her up even more. but i loved sandy for most of her run on the show, i just wish that they had done more- or less. idk. they made her character more complicated than she needed to be, and it’s hard to put my feelings about her into words because they didn’t give us enough to work on.

i think that her relationship with royal was bad, and i think that he was probably a creep who impregnated her, and i bet that he knew she was a lesbian after they got married and things probably got messy. the way that royal described sandy’s choices to prince was good, though. i respected that.

anyway, if they kept making shameless seasons (which they wont) i would love a sandy redemption. possibly like the returns of mickey, jimmysteve, or kelly.

im not reading this over before i post it so if it doesn’t make sense then oh well

#shameless #sandy milkovich #debbie gallagher #mickey milkovich #ian gallagher #gallavich #female gallavich #royal shameless #prince shameless #shameless us #sandy was good but she left too soon #they were just starting to develop her then they fucked it up and wrote her off #it’s sad tbh

25 notes · View notes

uncaught-coolfish · 2 years ago

Text

ok ok imo there was defo some planning to the bees becoming canon and to deny that is kinda silly to me. that doesn’t mean that planning and eventual execution was good.

•Yang losing her arm is apparently a “sign of her love for Blake” because of that line Adam had in V3? …I thought y’all despised his ass, when did we start believing a word that came out of his mouth??

•On that note, paralleling the two, when the latter was literally the abuser of the former’s current gf, is…..😬

•Also on that note, the objective infantilizing of Blake. All she really does now is whimper and be meek around Yang until another “bee moment” or until the plot remembers to use her for something. Yes, because turning this once feisty character into this shy nervous little meow meow who can’t even fight on her own anymore after she’s revealed to have been an abuse victim is totally not gross.

•Yang prioritizes her new GF over her little sister who is clearly in a horrible headspace, and when she finally breaks down, instead of attempting to calm her down or console her she steps in front of a COWERING BLAKE and just says “Hey!”. YOU TWO ARE BOTH OLDER THAN HER WHY ARE YOU ACTING LIKE THIS

•The scene in which they finally confess was literally forced out of them by a storm. I…I thought we learned to not do this? Guys? Um…

•The 10 year queerbaiting smugly disguised as “planned from the start uwu” that Voltron Legendary Fucking Defender wishes it could have achieved. Does that mean it was always planned that you’d write your hatesink character to have been a branded child slave? Does that mean it was always planned that you’d write the confession of these two’s love for each other to have been forced out of them? Does that mean it was always planned that you’d confirm your main queer couple two episodes before said couple did nothing to save their 17 year old leader from taking her own life on screen?

•Saying the quiet part out loud when an employee tweeted that “The bee kiss alone hopefully green lights V10.”

•Also, the immediate merchandising of it. Ugh.

Before I go on, no I do not believe the bees were “forced diversity”. No I do not believe Adam was killed to push it (he was killed because the writers wanted a quick way for people to forget how abhorrently racist this show fucking got anyways). No I do not believe this is a bad pairing, and if you accuse me of being an [insert hetero Blake/Yang ship here], I ship fucking Monochrome and Thundercats, dude. But what about the rest of this show’s LGBT representation? Is it any b

No.

•Our first on screen rep is in the form of Ilia. I really like Ilia, genuinely, she’s honestly one of my favorite characters. But why did they write their first lesbian character in the “psycho lesbian” trope? Also, why did their first indigenous character start out as a villain who had to be redeemed by learning violent protest bad all lives matter and ANYWAYS—

•Coco leers at women and her allusion is a fucking Nazi. She sucks. •The wives from V6 (Terracotta-Arcs??) are fine. Probably the most decent rep we’ve got, even if they were just a one off thing. They’re cute and I’m happy for em. Slay.

•We’ve got a single gay man in the entire cast (Scarlet) and he’s confirmed in a book. A single gay dude in a show infamous for its character bloat. Obviously we know why but man.

•3 non-binary characters. 1 is in a spin-off, 2 are animals. In this latest volume in which the last two are present, one is revealed to be a villain, and the other goes out Green Mile style. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay….

•And lastly, May. I also do like May! However, her character is not the problem.

What is the problem with all of this, no mater what, is the people, company, making this show.

Rooster Teeth is not your friend. Rooster Teeth does not care about you, or putting that loving care into representation.

Why are half of the villains disabled? Why are half of the villains in universe minorities? Why are half of the villains POC? Why are half of the villains a combination of two or all three of those traits?

Why is the only freedom fighting, minority rights organization terrorists? Why does their WOC leader die the scene we meet her? And why is her killer revealed to have been in fucking slavery the same episode he dies on screen in? And why is this organization taken as a serious threat, while two openly racist antagonists are portrayed as goofy and comical?

Why are any and all plus-sized characters portrayed as jokes? Why does the disabled-coded girl get her disability ripped away from her so she can “truly be human”? Why does another disabled character have him losing an arm to mean he’s lost his humanity? Why does this show portray so many misandristic tropes? Why does this show portray so many misogynistic tropes?

Why was this show’s first LGBT character a villain? Why was the next based off a Nazi? Why are two out of their three non-binary characters animals, and why have those two either been “killed” or turned into villains? Why is there only one gay man in this huge cast?

And why is it so many just let it slide that, while before and during the production of the volumes featuring the show’s first transgender character, Rooster Teeth treated and abused that character’s VA like absolute garbage?

Are the lives of those real people less important than those sweet, sweet “bee moments”?

In conclusion, the bees were not forced. I am glad they are canon. But I am not glad that it has nearly managed to conceal all the deplorable shit the racist, homophobic and awful company behind it has done.

#rwde #this one is seriously unarticulated but that’s like. ok #just thoughts that have been on my mind for a whiiile

45 notes · View notes

girl4music · 1 year ago

Text

youtube

“It’s OOC for Willow to be doing this.”

3x18

*Interrogation with Jonathan takes place*

WILLOW: "Fantasy's are fun, aren't they Jonathan?"

JONATHAN: "Uh... I guess."

WILLOW: "We all have fantasies that we’re powerful, more respected. Where people pay attention to us.”

JONATHAN: "Uh... maybe."

WILLOW: "But sometimes the fantasy isn't enough, is it Jonathan? Sometimes we have to make it so people don't ignore us. Make them pay attention. You know what I'm talking about, don't you?"

JONATHAN: "Erm, you... Want me to pay attention?"

They may be overdoing it a bit with the magic addiction metaphor but it’s not OOC because it’s not about the magic. People need to understand this. It’s never been about the magic. The only reason why it’s magic is because that’s the channel to which to have power and control. It’s what Willow is best at so of course it’s magic that would be the substance to abuse. But the whole point is to have that power and control to make people pay attention to her. To not regard her as worthless. We, of course, know that that isn’t the truth of who she is. People do not view Willow that way anymore. But she still believes that they do deep down. Her mindset is still that of somebody who is just faking their confident persona and people will see right through it to the nerd within. Even as powerful as she is here, she still feels like she’s a fraud, an imposter, and if she doesn’t keep up with this overcompensated dangerous identity she’s taken on, they’ll get tired of her. They’ll leave her behind because she’s nothing more than a wannabe and not a true hero to the cause of the greater good. Not a true witch. Not a true lesbian. Not a true anything except a hapless, loveless, useless loser. That’s why she does all this chaotic, violating, destructive shit with her magic. She believes that if she doesn’t show her immense power as often as she can and to as much extent as possible, she will be exposed for being fake.

It’s got nothing to do with magic. It’s a severe insecurity issue brought on by unchecked emotional complex trauma of bullying and abuse from both her school and home life. Why the writers depict all of this as if it’s only to do with magic addiction is maybe something they shouldn’t have done. I will agree with that. But it’s not out of character. It can’t be because Willow has been power hungry for a long fucking time in the show. We just didn’t want to see it. We didn’t want to think of Willow as going down a destructive path with her magic usage. We didn’t view it as corruption that she was quickly accumulating power. We viewed it as ‘Uber Witch’ heroism. But now in this season it’s revealed to us for what it really is. Villainy. This is something Willow herself doesn’t realize and it’s part of what makes it so real and relatable.

So what if it’s through magic? That’s not the point. And it has never been the point. That’s just an effective tool through which to use and explore the themes of power corruption and addiction with. And maybe I’m giving the writers too much credit here but I feel like it’s purposeful for it to seem mixed signal-y because the majority of people watching this arc are looking at it through the perspective of all the other characters. Not through Willow. But this is what is going on in Willow’s head. This is her paranoia hitting her full force. Maybe she does feel out of character. Maybe she’s doing the most to not feel that way. Maybe it all still is just a fantasy for her and she will never truly achieve what she wants. She will never achieve true love. She will never be a hero equal to Buffy. She’ll always be a loser no matter how hard she tries not to be.

Again, we as the audience see that that is not the truth. But it’s true to her. It’s her reality. Because that’s just how mentally ill she is. And they do not tell you this until it’s way too late. Willow does not confess this until she has to. We never really see just how bad it is for her until now so it does seem like it comes out of left-field and just made up for the sake of the story this season. But mental illness is like that. People on the outside-looking in do not see it because the one going through it keeps it well hidden until something awful happens. Dawn could have died and so Willow is like “Okay. Enough is enough. Time to come clean.” And it’s the most heroic thing she does in the whole show as far as I’m concerned. This is what makes her a hero amidst an arc where she is the villain. That she fesses up and then tries really hard to get back on track again and what happens next is not her fault.

#buffy the vampire slayer #wrecked #willow rosenberg #alyson hannigan #addiction #power corruption #power #control #insecurity #magic #real reviews with jen #buffy reaction #Youtube

7 notes · View notes

catgirl-catboy · 2 years ago

Note

I know Teruteru is very flawed and not best written character yet he still my favourite and my comfort character and i love writing about him in fanfics. Because I honestly find him so interesting and full of potential as a character, I love me a train wreck of a character. Also his designs is super cute, I love drawing him.

Sadly though as a Teruteru fan, I honestly never felt truly welcome in the dr fandom and i honestly wonder if people hate me just for liking the character. I know he’s problematic but does it give people the right to trust his fans like trash just because they disagree and don’t hate him or try to guilt trips his Teruteru by saying they a bad person/ insert any your homophobic or a being a bad queer for liking a character.

Sorry the rambling I needed to let my problem with dr fandom though-out years being in it and I really think your take on Teruteru is valid and respect your opinion and point of view. I’m just tired of people in the fandom who treated people horribly over a character they don’t like or try to play cop policing what character people can enjoy.

Also, what your feelings on Ryoma? I like him, he my favourite from v3 but it sad that author kinda forgot about him and he falls into the background they even joke about they the cast completely forgot about Ryoma in the trial :(

Yeah, its not a DR exclusive problem, but DR definately has it the worst of every fandom I've ever been in. You cannot touch Haji Towa with a 30 foot pole without people shitting themselves in anger. I mean, I don't like Haji, but I still think its fucking stupid.

The whole point of Danganronpa is that a lot of these characters aren't good people. We had a plot twist in the second game that the entire cast helped the big bad destroy society as we know it and have killed a lot of people.

Because objectively, killing people is a worse crime than being a pervert and/or sexual assaulter if you count dr3, right? The fandom knows that,,, right?

As for liking problematic rep, I'm a Tenko enjoyer (who also hcs her as Bi because I'm uncomfortable headcanoning her as a lesbian due to all the stereotypes she fits into, so literally the entire fandom hates me), so I am sitting in a big ass glass house. You won't see me throwing any stones over it. I wish the writers would improve in future Danganronpa installments, if there will be any, but harassing the fans is absolutely not okay. Sometimes problematic rep can call out to you in ways the best rep we currently have so far doesn't. Thats normal, since the queer experience is super varied!!! Hell, I don't think stereotypical rep is a problem, I just wish there was more variety.

Also you are right, Teruteru's design is objectively one of the best in the series.

I'm sorry you have to deal with the toxicity of the fandom. I wish I could make this fandom calm down for everyone's sake.

As for Ryoma, I made a post on him last night here, and I haven't had any new thoughts on him since then. I do love the iconic little cat man!

#ask tag #teruteru hanamura #danganronpa #fandom wank

15 notes · View notes

nakedmonkey · 6 months ago

Note

I’m the original Perfume & Pain anon and everything ur reply is spot on! As long as there has been lesbian rep—even ‘bad’ lesbians have been feminine. Like the man hating conniving bitches from the 50s films/pulp films that all die at the end were all made up and femme. Some even had husbands lol. The longest running lesbian relationship on tv was two feminine women (Callie is bisexual but still) like prime time lesbians are pretty much straight women who kiss women lol. Not to mention lesbian media itself has a a butch problem like the new L word gave crumbs with the Rosie O’Donnell character but they made fun of her for a whole season before actually trying and giving her a love interest :/ Outside of her I can’t even name 5 butches on screen rn that are part of a main ensemble not to mention books. But yeah youre right about not really knowing what her beliefs are, but seeing this as a theme in all 3 of her books plus the way she elevates gay men while shitting on lesbians makes me think this is a closely held belief of hers lol. It’s weird bc I see this take all the time with lesbians who don’t engage with lesbian history or even watch the watered down sapphic shit on like ABC or Netflix but she’s grown enough to know better? idk it seems like a personal problem at least her writing is good I guess lol

I mean. Let's not give her that much credit either lolol her writing is like. Fine. Considering the fact that all of her protagonists seem to be the same girl, I think she could use a revamp after this last book.

But yeah, man! I think the very clear alignment with gay men to the exclusion of sapphics who aren't femme is very strange. I finished P&P and I was disappointed, though not shocked, to see that her character went out of her way to point out how much she doesn't "vibe with dykes" and then just, not only learned nothing, but took that statement nowhere.

The idolization of gay men is a thing we really need to stop doing, because it's really harmful, especially to young queers still figuring themselves out. I've mentioned this before, but I recall being at a party once, years ago, and a gay man saying that guy on guy sex is a lot more intimate and intense than wlw sex, and a straight girl immediately agreeing. I never forgot that. And i think about that anytime someone makes a lesbian joke. Because lesbians are still very much a joke, and that's fucked up.

Anyway, lesbian writers, do better.

1 note · View note

queerofcups · 1 year ago

Text

Dear Yuletide 2023 Writer

Hi Yuletide writer! This is my first time doing Yuletide, so thank you SO much for the fic you’re gonna write. It probably doesn’t exist yet, but I already love it. Please don’t take my chattiness as directives (other than my DNWs), I’m really just putting you in the general arena of stories I wanna read, go wild from there.

Requests: Worlds Beyond Number (Podcast)

I know Word of God is that Suvi, Ame, and Eursulon are faaaaamily, but I think it’s legal to think the kid you went to summer camp with turned out to be a hottie actually.

There’s so! much! tension! Between these three and its nearly all unspoken and I think that’s very sexy and interesting

OT3 endgame, but totally fine with pre-endgame hookups & feelings between any two members of our little party

Plotwise, go nuts here, I’ll take anything from silly falling into bed together to the serious, hard work of making a relationship work with people with VERY different politics, or even the aforementioned, “oh damn, such and such got hot???” fic. I just want more of these three together.

The Bear (TV 2022)

Carmy and Sid hooking up would be a TERRIBLE idea, professionally speaking, and probably also emotionally speaking. I want to read about the ways that it could go wrong and why they do it anyway. Do they keep it a secret? Do they fail at keeping it a secret? Is it incredibly obvious to the rest of the crew?

I’ve read a lot of very sweet fics where they fall in love and all is great, and those are wonderful, but I think messy power dynamics are hot and interesting and they’ve got bad idea written all over them.

Bonus bonus points if you engage with what food, cooking and meals mean to both of them.

Barbie (Movie 2023)

Let Barbie be gay!!!! Greta Gerwig was trying to tell us something with all that Indigo Girls and Birkenstock and I wanna read someone picking up what she’s putting down. Barbie’s first gay hookup! Barbie’s first, third and fifteenth u-haul! What does it mean for an idea that’s an icon of heterosexuality to become a person who…isn’t straight!

Whether it’s funny or deadly serious, I’m interested in what people imagine might happen if Barbie turns out to be a lesbian, specifically.

Joy Ride (2023)

I can’t be the only one who saw some sexual tension between Lolo and Kat. Do they become rivals for Audrey’s affections? Is it a competition to see how many people they can sleep with (and then they end up sleeping with each other?). Does Kat realize that her hubby is great, but actually can’t keep up with her and has to outsource? The world’s your oyster here, anon!

General Likes:

Emotional introspection from characters

Descriptions of setting, food, sensations, etc

Messy lines between friendship, romantic relationships and sexual relationships

Messy & fucked up power dynamics - Not necessarily dead dove, but any semi-realistic takes on people who, due to their positions, really shouldn’t be doing this

A lot (most?) of my request involve at least one person of color. I like fic that acknowledges that those experiences mean something. I don’t need an anti-racism TED talk or anything, it’s just nice to know that someone’s thinking about that kind of stuff.

Gay shit! Similar to the note above, I’m not looking for a TED talk, but I like fics to contend with what it might mean to be a queer person in the world (if its a canon where that matters)

Smut wise: public sex, sex pollen, ABO (if you’re gonna say something thoughtful about sex/gender/sexuality), casual kink, edging, descriptions of sensation

Tropewise: I like curtainfic, I don’t mind an AU (love mail-order bride AUs, arranged marriage AUs, anything requiring people to get used to each other)

A note on femslash: I’m not interested in fic that’s gender swapped men. Also, I love fic about trans women, but I’m not interested in futa fic.

Hard Nos: * Noncon (Dubcon is fine, but I need there to be clear signs of the no becoming/being a yes) * Underage * Major Character Death (in which they stay dead) * No scat, no puke, no pee, I feel neutral about blood, sweat, spit, etc. Race play, racial slurs being used in non-reclaimed way

General Dislikes: *Purely sweet, fluffy fics *Grimdark, dead dove, trauma for the sake of trauma *High School AUs *Crossovers w other media *Kink being formally negotiated on screen *Kidfic *Pregnancy fic (but I am fine with dealing with an unexpected pregnancy) *Gen fic *COVID mentions are fine, but no COVID plotpoints

#yuletide 2023 #sorry about the long post #i do not know how to do cuts on tumblr anymore apparently #don't mind me

1 note · View note

fabuloustrash05 · 2 years ago

Text

5 Characters The 2012 Writers Could Have Shipped 2012 Leo With Instead of His Sister

Because as much as I love TMNT 2012, it’s biggest flaw (in my opinion) was the awkward uncomfortable forced romance between Leonardo and Karai.

I’m gonna start this list with two characters from other TMNT incarnations that the 2012 writers could’ve added to their show and make them the love interest for Leo, then I will give a list of current 2012 characters that could have been good potential love interests for Leo (with some rewriting of course) that I feel would be better than him being shipped with and crushing on his sister.

Lotus Blossom

Originally from the 1987 series, Lotus Blossom was a female ninja Kraang hired to replace Shredder. Lotus was given the task to capture Splinter and defeat the Turtles and when first meeting her Leo was entranced by her beauty and skills as a swordsman.

Lotus only made two appearances in the 87 cartoon and never reappeared in other versions of TMNT (as of now), which is a shame because her and Leo have a cute dynamic and played off each other very well as both friends and romantic interests, so the 2012 writers could’ve brought this classic 87 character back like they did with so many others like Mona Lisa and Mondo Gecko.

I personally have two ideas for 2012 Lotus, one being she’s a warrior from the past that the Turtles meet while on another time travel adventure with Renet, OR she’s Mr. Murakami’s niece and she comes to New York to visits her uncle to help him with his restaurant and befriends the Turtles.

Koya

Bare with me, I don’t read the comics so I’m using knowledge from Wikipedia

Similar to 2012 Alopex, the writers could’ve brought another famous and beloved character from the IDW comics into the 2012 series. in the IDW comics Koya was Shredder’s pet falcon who eventually got mutated and became a scout and bounty hunter for The Foot Clan.

It is hinted that their is a romance between Koya and Leo, mostly from the character Lita who says that Koya has feelings for Leo (something Koya claims is a lie) and Lita even says that the two are together romantically in the future.

2012 Shredder already was growing his own army by recruiting mutants like Tiger Claw, I’m surprised he didn’t continue this by finding or creating Koya for his army.

Casey Jones

Could’ve ended the dumb capriltello love triangle. And who doesn’t love the reckless bad boy jock x nerdy responsible popular boy trope?

I’ve been getting really into Caseynardo lately and I think this would’ve been a fun pair to see in the show. The two rarely had moments together and its a shame cause even as buddies they are fun to watch.

I’d imagine that this romance would start to blossom by season 3. Casey is getting over April and starts spending more time with Leo while everyone else trains, keeping Leo company since he can’t join in because of his injury. Casey would offer to Raph for him watch over and take care of Leo while Raph continues to train his brothers and April, as a way to get some stress/responsibilities off Raph’s shoulders. During the farm house arc Casey would hang with Leo and the two would bond and learn they have more in common then they think (both are the older siblings of their families and would do anything to keep them safe). This would start their growing friendship and later blossoming romance that would develop more during the rest of the series.

Shinigami

Even though I headcanon Shinigami as a lesbian and I ship Shinirai hardcore, let’s consider Leogami so a moment. Leo would still get himself a goth kunoichi from the Foot Clan as a gf, but this time with the bonus of her knowing magic, and hands down being one of the most beautiful female characters in the show fight me

I mean seriously, they could’ve held off on Leo getting a love interest until Shinigami comes along. Also why give Mikey a second love interest when he already has Renet, creating a random love triangle, and never acknowledge/do anything with it??

Just replace all of Mikey’s scenes/moments of him showing attraction towards Shini and replace him with Leo and then BOOM, both problems are fixed! No pointless Mikey love triangle and no Leo simping for his sis.

Miyamoto Usagi

Hear me out! 2003 fans are probably already on board, but 2012 Usagi would need some rewriting if this were to happen if the 2012 writers consider this instead of leor*i.

Though his age is never confirmed in the 2012 series, it is speculated Usagi is a young adult in this version. Here’s what the 2012 writers should have done, rewrite Usagi as a teenager like they did with so many other classic characters for the 2012 series and have him and Leo build a friendship during the Samurai Turtles arc in season 5, with there being hints of a romance blooming between the young samurai and ninja by the end. But again, this would only work if Usagi was rewritten.

If they can turn April into a teenager and ship her with Donnie then they could’ve done the same thing with Usagi!

538 notes · View notes

herinsectreflection · 4 years ago

Text

The hilarious part about Faith and how incredibly gay she comes across is that it's all a natural side-effect of her intended narrative role. According to Whedon she wasn't intentionally written to be a queer or even queer-coded character, but the way she is written and her metaphorical function necessarily meant she came across as queer-coded. I'll explain what I mean:

1) As Buffy's shadow, Faith is meant to be symbolic of Buffy's repressed desires, and specifically her frustrated sexuality. Buffy is dealing with imposed chastity throughout S3, first with her trauma over Angel getting in the way of a relationship with Scott, and then the curse preventing her from being physical with Angel. It's the centre point of Enemies, its touched on in Amends, and is one of the reasons they break up. There's a reason the season climaxes with Angel and Buffy in a passionate embrace, making orgasm faces as he 'penetrates' her. It's a whole season of sexual frustration for Buffy.

Faith needs to be constantly reminding Buffy of the thing she can't have - sex. She needs to talk about sex to Buffy - and she does, extensively. Faith is written as a very sexual person in general, but it's specifically and disproportionately aimed towards Buffy, because that's her narrative role. So you end up with this character who is constantly going around like "hey Buffy do you like sex? you should think about sex now. sex. when I'm on screen the main thing on your mind should be sex and having it". Which begs the question - why does Faith want Buffy to have sex? Symbolically, it's because she represents part of Buffy, and Buffy wants to have sex. But on a pure character level... what is the explanation? What is motivating Faith to constantly talk about sex to Buffy? A few instances you can write off as her making Buffy uncomfortable for jokes, but not all of them. How it comes across is that Faith has some sexual interest in Buffy, and is probing for her feelings.

2) Faith is a Seductress. That's not a comment about her character, that's her function in the story. She is the version of Buffy who goes down a darker path, and is trying to seduce her into doing the same thing. Part of Buffy's arc in S3 is resisting this temptation, and the symbol of what she is resisting is Faith. So Faith must be an enticing, seductive figure. To quote Passion of the Nerd's review, if Faith is there to to tempt Buffy into a moral dark side, it only makes sense that she is, well, tempting. The seduction is happening on many levels.

Faith is more or less filling the Femme Fatale archetype: the seductive, sexual figure who leads the Hero off their path. It's a trope you see all the time in male-led stories, going back to goddamn The Odyssey. Buffy as a character was invented as a simple gender-swap of an old horror trope, and part of the appeal of the show is that she gets to fill the role of The Hero as a woman. So what happens when you gender-swap The Hero and don't gender-swap the Femme Fatale? You get a gay story, that's what.

3) The Faith arc of S3 is a recreation of the Angel arc of S2. It is structured in the exact same way, with the two having a push-and-pull in the early parts of the season, a setback in their relationship in episode 7, getting closest again mid-season before a night of passion that ends in sudden tragedy. Angel/Faith then turn to the dark side, become the Big Bad, and show that they are beyond saving in episode 17. The season ends with Buffy having to fight and the kill them in order to save others. This is all an intentional recycling, as part of the show building up the Trolley Problem and the idea of Buffy being a killer, repeatedly escalating it to get us to The Gift. What this means is that Faith steps into the role that Buffy's love interest played in the previous season. This is the story that we have just had told to us as a tragic love story. We see it again, and guess what? It's still a tragic love story. Only now Faith is in the role of the love interest.

4) Part of the conflict surrounding Buffy and Faith is Buffy's fear of being "Single White Female'd". She fears Faith might steal her loved ones, and Faith does threaten that. She gets along with her mother, her friends... but most of all, her love interests. Buffy's fear of being replaced manifests as Faith trying to literally seduce away anyone romantically linked to Buffy. Angel, Scott Hope, Xander, later Riley, Spike, Robin Wood... Faith is comprehensively and exclusively attracted to men that Buffy dated. I'm honestly surprised she didn't find Owen and Parker from somewhere for a night in the sack. Again, this makes perfect heterosexual sense from a symbolic point it view - she threatens to take Buffy's place in the narrative, so she takes her place in relationships - but on a character level it becomes ambiguous. Is she actively trying to replace Buffy? Or is she trying to stop Buffy dating anyone for another reason? The simple fact is, there is exactly one common denominator with all of Faith's romantic entanglements: Buffy.

It's a canonical aspect of Faith's character that she is jealous of Buffy. We see that made explicit in Enemies - she's jealous of everything Buffy has: her family, her comfortable home life, her friends, her narrative standing, and of course her loving partners. So of course Faith displays jealousy whenever Buffy is involved with a guy. It's a necessary part of building Faith as this figure of Want and Envy. But how it plays out on screen isn't that Faith is jealous of Buffy because she wants these other guys - of course not, because we see her look jealously through the window at Buffy and Riley in This Year's Girl and Riley obviously means nothing to her. Rather, it very much appears that she is jealous of these other guys, because she wants Buffy.

There's also the added bonuses that come from the show playing with so many metaphors, that sometimes they cross in interesting ways. One of Faith's main purposes is to celebrate being a Slayer, and to encourage the same in Buffy. She wants Buffy to accept and embrace being a Slayer. Here, Slayerhood is standing in for independence and hedonism and making your own rules, all the things that Faith is encouraging. But one of the many other metaphors used is the 'coming out' metaphor. "Have your tried not being a slayer?" "It's because you didn't have a strong father figure isn't it." "I've tried to march in the Slayer Pride parade." It's a note that's hit really hard specifically around the time in the show that Faith is introduced. So if you carry this metaphor on, then Faith becomes an out-and-proud lesbianSlayer, trying to convince Buffy to accept and embrace her sexuality.

And it has a recursive effect too. All this stuff contributes towards Faith feeling like a very queer character. And Faith, of course, is Buffy's shadow self, meant to represent her unconscious desires. So when the symbol of your unconscious desires is so lesbian-coded, then the implication becomes that one of your unconscious desires is lesbian desire. Faith's existence as a part of Buffy implies the existence of Buffy's bisexuality. Which contributes to the relationship feeling ever more queer, which makes Faith even gayer.

I find this absolutely hilarious, because the queer subtext was never intended. Joss Whedon apparently was annoyed that people read this into their relationship, and the commentary from the other writers that does address it tends to point to Dushku's performance. And yeah, she is definitely leaning into that in her portrayal. But the main reasons that so many people have this reading all come from the writing. It's all stuff that is integral to the point of her character. Every metaphor and function in the narrative, every symbolic purpose she has, none of it was meant to be gay and yet it all leads directly to Faith appearing to be totally and completely gay. The queerness is accidental and unavoidable. And I just find that really fucking funny.

#faith lehane #fuffy #btvs #meta #buffy summers #theme:shadow #queerness #s3

4K notes · View notes

figonas · 2 years ago

Note

Hey Kaitlyn!

A question... what's Nonna the Ninth about? I've been seeing you + one more person on my dash posting about it, and I am intrigued, but I also don't know anything about it...🤡

my time has come..

(**I am so sorry this is long it really got away from me and ate up a literal hour of my time on the clock at work**)

Okay so Nona the Ninth is book #3 in Tamsyn Muir’s Locked Tomb book series. It is preceded by Gideon the Ninth #1 and Harrow the Ninth #2

Trying to describe anything about this series without,

Giving away a spoiler

Making it sound completely batshit insane or

Making it sound like run of the mill sci-fi

is impossible but god damn I’m gonna try.

Gideon the Ninth is book #1 in the series. If I had to describe it in a way that would (I hope) convince everyone to read it, I would say:

A buff, ginger, goth-jock, lesbian disaster travels with her arch nemesis, a tiny, super goth, lesbian bone witch to explore a haunted laboratory in space. Shit pops off in a big way. Gideon has a terrible, horrible, not so good, very bad day on what should be a fun space vacation.

A more well rounded and informative explanation is listed under the cut.

GtN centers around Gideon Nav, an orphaned, indentured serf of the Ninth House, who absolutely hates the Ninth House and everyone in it. She wants nothing more than to get away from the Ninth and join the Cohort (aka the military). When her latest escape attempt is thwarted she is offered a deal, a real legitimate chance of escape. There’s one problem, if she wants off the Ninth she has to partner with her arch nemesis, the Reverend Daughter Harrowhark Nonagesimus Heir of the Ninth House finest necromancer of her generation. Harrow and the other house heirs have been called to Canaan House to serve the Emperor and become Lyctors (basically necromantic demi-gods). To escape her life on the Ninth, Gideon will have to act as Harrow’s sworn sword and protector while Harrow discovers the secrets to lyctorhood. However, as soon as the pair arrive at Canaan House things start to go awry and tensions rise between the heirs of the various houses.

Harrow the Ninth is book # 2. Trying to describe Harrow the Ninth in a similar, yet spoiler free fashion is like rolling down a grassy hill covered in land mines. So I will not even attempt other than to say;

Local lesbian discovers feelings, immediately represses them.

HtN follows up on the events of book 1 HOWEVER, this is intentionally the most confusing book you’ve ever read. You will spend the whole entire time going “what the fuck is going on” and wondering if you actually even read Gideon the Ninth or if you just dreamt you did. As I said this is intentional and it all comes together in Act 5 I promise. If you finish it and you’re still confused, good. Tamsyn Muir has said that Gideon & Harrow are the two books asking all the questions and Nona & Alecto are the two book’s answering the questions so you will still be confused at the end because you’re working with only 1/2 the information.

As far as Nona the Ninth….I’ve thought of nothing else for a calendar month. I feel like a literal representation of the Charlie Day conspiracy theory meme with all my theories and postulating about what’s going to happen in Alecto.

The Locked Tomb is a masterpiece. Not because Tamsyn Muir is an incredible writer (she is), or because the story is complex and intricately woven together (it is), but because the experience of reading The Locked Tomb is like nothing else I’ve ever experienced.

Somehow the lines;

“The First House was no longer a beautiful and empty shell, buffeted by the erosion of time. Now it seemed more like the blocked-up labyrinths beneath the Ninth House, kept sealed in case something became restless.”

and

“Put it in the hole, Griddle.”

“That’s what she said,” said Gideon

exist cohesively, not just in the same book, but literally 1 paragraph away from each other. Muir has the ability to write beautifully and integrate a kind of humor you can only cultivate and enjoy with long years of internet exposure. There’s a homestuck reference, god makes a dad joke, none pizza with left beef makes an appearance, a blink and you’ll miss it mean girls reference.

tl:dr If you like complex interpersonal relationships, women with a dubious sense of morality, skull face paint, necromancy, characters with 1 brain cell, characters with no brain cells, an entire series with only 1 man who deserves respect, the aesthetic of Catholicism without any of the bigotry, repressed feelings, back alley surgery, enemies to co-workers who hate each other arcs, possession, or necrophelia (I’m joking ((mostly)), read The Locked Tomb. It’s truly wonderful and it will rip your entire heart and soul out of your body, use them for double dutch, then throw them off the nearest cliff.

#the locked tomb #gideon the ninth #harrow the ninth #nona the ninth #gideon nav #harrowhark nonagesimus #book recs #please read these books they’re amazing #nothing that I’ve described here does the series justice I promise you

34 notes · View notes

the-teddy-bear-butch · 2 years ago

Note

1, 3, 12, 13, 15, 19, 23, 24, 25, 27! Or I’d say any 5 from this list that you want lol because this is a lot

Oh boy [cracks knuckles]

1: favorite fic you wrote this year

Definitely the Christmas fic! I just enjoy the fluff so much and I worked really hard on it.

3: favorite line/scene you wrote this year

I answered this one with the ao3 wrapped asks forever ago but I’ll say it again! I like the imagery in this scene and this is where I think my descriptive writing and sense of metaphors really fell into place, from bad idea!

The girl in front of Robin moved back and forth, alcohol strong on her breath. She laughed as Robin spun her and pulled her close, her breath hot on the stranger’s ear. She made pointed eye contact across the bar, watching as Nancy was illuminated in soft pink. It matched the shade of her lips—the blush Robin wanted to put on her cheeks.

Blue light shone down on Robin and the stranger, gleaming in the former’s stormy eyes as they met with Nancy’s ocean.

Waves crashed and lightning struck, filling the room with unbearable electricity. The lights met and flared in an intense clash of violet sky, and Robin knew she was doomed to be lost at sea. Her heart was racing with exertion and excitement, drawn against her will to the other girl—the girl who wanted to kill her. The girl who was probably planning her demise at this very moment. The thought was exhilarating.

12: favorite character to write about this year

Nancy Wheeler my beloved <33 She’s just such a complex, malleable character. I love writing her personality and trying to figure out how she would respond in certain scenarios—and since the Duffers won’t let her explore her trauma, I will!! Also as an eldest daughter burnt out gifted kid… She’s very projection shaped

13: favorite writing song/album/artist of this year

Stick Season by Noah Kahan for sure! I still would really, really like to write a string of one shots for each song, but especially Growing Sideways, Northern Attitude, and The View Between Villages. I love his music and his voice and I think it’s very easy to ronancify this album lol

15: something you learned this year

Oh this one is fun. Imma be cheesy about it. I learned to stop letting what other people think of me get in the way of having fun. I was so against ever writing fic because “I don’t want to be cringe and get made fun of.” Fuck that. I am cringe and it’s FUN. I will own it with pride. I like my silly little self indulgent fics.

19: any new fics to start next year

Oh god so many. I’m not kidding when I say I’m past 30 on the WIP/idea list. I’ll toss some favorites tho:

say you’re gonna come back: one shot based on Sports Car by Valley, Ronance reunite and fall in love all over again years down the road

there in the garden, she looked my way: beauty and the beast au multi chapter featuring vampire Nancy and just so much pining

she will pull the trigger: monster hunter Nance and werewolf Rob and they’re both GNC ft toxic lesbianism because wanting to kill each other is sexy

23: fics you wanted to write but didn’t

I’m still thinking so hard about run, devil, run, which was a Wild West au featuring werewolf Nance and vampire Rob but I don’t think that one will stick. I go through a circle of phases of really stubborn hyperfixations and the wild west pops up as one of them but never stays for long. Was feeling it for a week, wrote one scene, then sort of dropped it to lowest priority

24: favorite fic you read this year

Oh god there are so many. I refuse to pick just one, but I’ll stick with 3 I think.

One of them (surprise) is you! a never ending story changed my brain chemistry. dungeon master rules lawyer repressed furious mega nerd comphet religious guilt traumatized Nancy my beloved!!!! Not saying I’d get a tattoo based off a fic but I am saying a d20 on 13 would be so cool… (also special shout out to DITM, I love that one dearly too, especially Martha) I also ADORE when you can tell a writer is into poetry and it shows in their word. Flowery prose and heart shattering metaphors my beloved

I have sung praises about this fic and I’ll fucking do it again. Bloodletting my beloved. I am once again in awe of the way @lavenderlevetan weaves the story and connects all the pieces. I love the dynamic and the way the tension builds. I am feral about vampires and biting, sue me.

And I have to say put me in the movies (on a king sized silver screen) by @sapphicriley is also one of my all time favorites. I love the back and forth banter and it’s sweet and fluffy and it’s just a feel good fic and I like to reread it when I’m feeling down. Another example of poetic writing as well <33

25: a fic you read this year that you would recommend everyone read

Well all of the one from above ofc. Also dancing in the moonlight. Also,,, Raise Dead by @eskawrites killed me and healed me. If you can handle the angst, this one is an incredible read and I cannot recommend it enough. I don’t really cry when reading, but this one actually had me in tears in the best way.

27: favorite fanfic author of the year

This is like asking me to pick a favorite child. God. I’m terms of writing, I have to say it’s between a few, but there’s this one rando who wrote this D&D fic and also one about monster fucking. You might have heard of her? I think her name is summersociety or something.

I also adore @lavenderlevetan (I will continue to scream about Bloodletting forever!!!) and you guys are in for a treat with some of the WIP sneak peeks I’ve gotten from @suwunnysideup

And I have to say every single one of my mutuals are just such incredible, talented writers, and such amazing friends. I love you all. 🥺

#ask game #fic rec #ronance fic rec #ronance #lo answers stuff #candle lion #I think I got them all

11 notes · View notes

0v3rl0ad1ng · 3 years ago

Text

Puppy pack sexuality head-cannons

(This became a rant I’m sorry)

Liam Dumbar

Bi 👏🏻sex👏🏻ual👏🏻

I refuse to be told any less!! You’re gunna try tell me he DIDNT have a fling with Brett enemies to lovers style?? All I’m saying is if he didn’t get expelled, Briam would have been real. Also, hey! Yeah, he **has** a thing for Theo. But let’s not ignore the fact he loved Hayden. Or make her into a bad guy?? Come on writers, at least keep her as his bad bitch girl best friend.

Brett Talbot

Bisexual

Hey, there is no need for me to explain myself. We all saw the club scene. However!! I’m going to do it anyway. When he had a thing for Liam I believe he was closeted and nervous about being out at first cause he didn’t want his teammates to do anything. Like I think a part of him got scared he’d somehow get kicked out, and therefor Lori would too. I think he was just really worried about Lori.

AND HE AND LIAM DEFINITELY TALKED IT OUT AND WERE COOL WITH EACHOTHWR. (I need to calm down I’m sorry)

Theo Raeken

Pansexual

Hey, the kiss with Tracy may not have been romantically driven, but I still don’t personally head cannon Theo as gay. I just think he likes certain personality attributes (read firey, angry, betas) that are not set down by gender. I think he just likes someone’s who’s confident and can hold their own. Like he’ll love to defend someone, but he also likes the kind of person who can defend them self.

Nolan Holloway

Straight

For those who ship him with Brett, I’m sorry, he’s the token straight group alli in my eyes. They all love him anyway, and it doesn’t matter. (We all have that one in our friend group, y’all know what I’m talking about). He loves doing to pride parades and being really open about being an alli. Liam and Hayden like to tell him he restores their hope in the straights.

Mason Hewitt

Gay

The Brett-ogling and love for a certain Corey Bryant speaks for itself. He knew from young. It was very obvious and he was like ‘oh, yeah, duh’. Then was like ‘yeah, I say fucking duh. Of course, I’m a homosexual.’ At least that’s how I see it in my head. He told Liam and the boy like looked away, looked at him and then was like ‘cool’. Liam totally had no inclination about himself yet. (Sorry, I never stop talking about Liam. I love the puppy.)

Corey Bryant

Queer

I just feel like he doesn’t like labels too much. He just knows he loves Mason and that’s enough. He takes every infatuation or crush or romance one at a time. He doesn’t think too much about it and no one pressures him to label it specifically. Mason’s like “You only need to love me, anyway. You can just be Masonsexual.” (Corey is very chill with the ‘masonsexual’ jokes and understands he’s not getting labelled or pushed into one or anything.)

Hayden Romero

Lesbian? Kind of?

For Hayden… it’s hard to explain. I kind of head cannon her as a lesbian but I believe her relationship with Liam was real. Like she had genuine romantic feelings for him and really did love him romantically. She identifies as a lesbian, but doesn’t hide her past relationship with Liam or anything. It’s like how it’s a scale, you know? Like she really likes girls. Girls, girls, girls, girls. But she did like Liam.

Lori Rohr

Bi-curious

She could date a girl, but she’s got a preference for guys. Is definitely sexually attracted to girls too. Is kind of new to the exploration of her sexuality though. At first she was certain she was straight, then a girl walked past and her mind went ‘I’d tap that.’ And then she was like,,, ‘oh, shit.’

(Josh is straight and Tracy is definitely pansexual)

295 notes · View notes

fics-n-stuff · 4 years ago

Text

Home - Pt 2

For @glowstick-lesbian, request here

Pairing: Kaz Brekker x Reader

Summary: After Y/N finally gets out hiding, it's time to sit down with Kaz and talk through whatever it is that's going on between them.

Word Count: 5.1k

Warnings: Brief talk of Jordie and Kaz's trauma and touch aversion

A/N: Wow this ended up being longer than I intended! I'm so sorry it's taken so long, I was focused on The Bastard's Shadow and Affluenza pts1 + 2, and then I started picking up more shifts at work and got writers block at the same time. I really hope you like how it turned out!! ❤❤

Pt1 here

After the very enlightening visit from Kaz, the days seemed to drag on even slower than before. The next two months went by in a crawl, and no matter how much you buried yourself in work you couldn’t distract from the longing you felt to get out of your apartment.

When your messenger came to deliver the news that your pursuers were willing to come to a truce you had been so happy that you’d gone straight to pour yourself a glass of whisky to celebrate. From then, you counted down the days until the meeting that you set up, the result of which should mean that you were free to roam the city again.

Inej had shown you how to get out of the window and onto the roof months ago. It was your escape route in case of an emergency, but you had used it every now and then just to sit on the roof and enjoy a taste of the outside world. That night, you had climbed out with intention and dressed in your finest coat.

You travelled over the rooftops towards the Government district, where your meeting had been arranged to take place near the Stadhall. The presence of the stadwatch would serve to protect you in case the deal went south.

You had been jittery with a mix of anxiety and excitement when you descended to street level and wended your way through the streets to find three men waiting for you at the Stadhall, all of them tall, broad and commanding. Barrel businessmen that you had crossed one too many times, and no doubt they had been angered that forcing you into hiding hadn’t put a stop to your business.

You were too smart to have not found a way around it; you had to be to run the business that you did. You owned three boarding houses and two bars in the Barrel and two ships that brought in imports from Ravka and Novyi Zem, a squaller as a permanent fixture on the crew of each to whom you paid a fair salary. You’d had Kaz put them under the protection of the Dregs to keep them safe from slavers. On top of all of that, you used your contacts in Ravka, Novyi Zem and other parts of Kerch to help get kids out of the Barrel and into honest work elsewhere. You might operate from the criminal underbelly of Ketterdam, but you made a mostly honest living.

The meeting took longer than you had anticipated. The three men were eager to negotiate territories that you couldn’t conduct business in and items that they didn’t want you to import because it was cutting into their own business. You held firm, you knew what was fair and you would be damned if you let anyone bully you into submission.

In the end, you essentially just agreed not to get in their way, which was easy enough to do. You wouldn’t actively compete with them in the sale of imported goods, and you wouldn’t try to convince any of the lads that they used as runners and grunts to get out of the Barrel. As long as you kept your distance from them you’d be fine, since they were clearly tired of chasing after you.

“Alright then, the deal is the deal.” You said, holding out your hand. All three shook hands with you in turn, echoing the phrase as was customary. When the man in the middle – clearly the leader and the last to shake with you – took your hand, you tightened your grip and leaned forward. “If you try to cheat me after this deal, you will have Dirtyhands to answer to.” You said lowly. He tried not to show his reaction but the fear in his eyes betrayed him, and you released his hand. It wasn’t often that you involved Kaz and his reputation in your affairs, but sometimes it paid to be friends with the most ruthless man in Ketterdam.

You left the meeting with your head held high and took a gondel back to the Barrel. You were approached by a few people who stayed in one of your boarding houses or drank in one of your bars on your walk to the Crow Club, telling you that they had been curious or worried about having not seen you around for so long. You didn’t engage in any conversation beyond polite acknowledgment, too eager to get to the Crow Club.

Inej was the only one that knew that you were getting out tonight. You had told her when she had come to deliver your food for the week and she had promised to try and keep everyone corralled at the Crow Club so that you could make a big entrance, but the later it got the less likely it was that she could keep them all there without raising suspicion.

You practically ran down the last street towards the Crow Club, bursting through the open door and searching the crowd for your friends. Jesper caught sight of you at the same moment that you spotted them all at the bar, and you saw his jaw drop in shock. A huge grin spread on your face as he set his drink down, his sudden change in demeanor getting the attention of the rest of the group and causing them to turn to follow his gaze.

“Y/N?” Jesper called, prompting you into as much of a sprint as you could manage across the crowded floor of the gambling hall. You vaulted yourself into him, wrapping your arms tightly around his lanky frame. “You’re back! How?” He exclaimed, and you laughed as you felt him hug you back and sweep you off of your feet.

“I had a meeting to call a truce. As of tonight I am a free person!”

“We missed you so much!” Nina grinned, prying Jesper’s arms off of you so that she could pull into a hug herself. “Why didn’t you tell us that you were finally coming out of hiding?”

“I wanted it to be a surprise.” You grinned, pulling away so that you could move to hug Wylan next. “I missed you guys so much too, you have no idea.” You caught sight of Kaz over Wylan’s shoulder, his eyes wide as if he couldn’t quite believe what he was seeing. You pointed your smile at him and his lips twitched upwards before he cooled his expression and gave you a simple nod.

Your reunion was spirited to say the least, even Matthias couldn’t help but smile at the fact that you were back. You made them tell you about all of the most significant things that you had missed in the year that you had been trapped inside and update you on any power shifts between the Barrel gangs. Jesper wouldn’t shut up, Wylan was excited to tell you about all of the new explosives and weapons that he had developed, and Nina was making a list of places that she wanted to get lunch together to make up for lost time. It felt amazing to be with them all again.

“Okay! I want to play a few hands of Three Man Bramble before I go.” You announced, pushing your glass away from you after downing the last of its contents.

“Don’t have to ask me twice.” Jesper grinned, slinging an arm around your shoulder and guiding you to a table.

It seemed apt that fortune seemed to be in your favour, winning so consistently that you continued to play even though you knew that you shouldn’t. It felt like every time that you looked up from the table you caught Kaz watching you, and his unashamed gaze made your heart flutter.

After a while you saw him give a slight nod towards the door, an action that meant that it was time to go, and you tucked you lip between you teeth as you gave a subtle nod back and turned your attention back to your cards.

“Unbelievable!” Jesper exclaimed upon seeing that you had won again. “I guess you’re catching up on a year’s worth of luck.”

“Perhaps, but I’m going to quit while I’m ahead.” You smiled, gathering up your winnings. “I need to go and breathe some more fresh air.” You pocketed half of your winnings and pushed the other half around the table to Jesper. “Not too much fun.”

“There’s no such thing as too much fun.” He beamed and pulled you to him so that he could plant a kiss on your cheek. “Good to have you back, Y/N.”

“Good to be back, Jes.” You winked before bounding back to the bar to say goodbye to the rest of your friends. Kaz had already disappeared, no doubt in an attempt to avoid drawing attention to the fact that you were leaving together.

“We’re going to get waffles tomorrow. I will break your door down if I have to.” Nina asserted, practically crushing your ribs in a hug. “Inej, you’re coming too.”

“What about me?” Wylan pouted, and you laughed.

“Everyone’s invited.” You replied, holding his face and turning it towards you so that you could press a soft kiss on his forehead before pulling him in for a hug. “I just got out, I want to spend time with you all!”

You kept your hug with Inej pretty short, considerate of the bad feelings that too much contact could stir up in her, and even managed to coax a hug from Matthias before you headed out. Kaz was waiting not far from the entrance and you smiled as you quickly made your way towards him

“Hey.” You chirped.

“You wanted it to be a surprise, huh?” He questioned, starting towards the Slat. You chuckled.

“I know you’re not a big fan of surprises, Kaz, but I thought this might be a fun one. Why? Were you offended that I told Inej and not you?”

“Did you have anyone go with you to your meeting?”

“No, I didn’t need any backup.”

“Things could have gone badly, and you didn’t tell anyone about it.”

“Well things didn’t go badly.” You rebutted. “I’m here, I’m fine, and I surprised you all.”

“You shouldn’t put yourself in danger like that.” Kaz said flatly, ignoring your point, and you groaned loudly at his stubbornness.

“If it makes you feel better, I made sure to drop your name in to intimidate them. But I can handle my own business.”

You hopped along the cobblestones playfully, irrationally happy to be back out on the filthy and foul smelling streets of the Barrel, but even the stink couldn’t dampen your joy at finally being free. You were sure that you and Kaz probably looked like a bizarre pair walking together now, him with his stoic exterior and identifying limp next to your childlike joy, though you had taken after him fashion wise with your smart attire and well-fitted, black coat.

Walking back to the Slat with Kaz took you in the opposite direction to your home – now that you were out of hiding you could finally return to where you actually lived in a house on the boundary of East Stave and the Zelver District – but you wanted to talk to Kaz, and he wouldn’t have asked you to leave with him if he didn’t want to talk to you too. Nevertheless, you continued the rest of the walk in silence.

When you got to the Slat, Kaz continued straight up to his room while you lingered on the ground floor to say hello to some of the Dregs that you were more friendly with. The noise of the Slat was unfamiliar to you after so long, but you had kind of missed the rowdiness of it.

You followed upstairs shortly after. Kaz had left his door ajar for you and you could see him sat at his desk through the opening.

“Shut the door behind you.” He said as you slipped inside, and you heard the door click as you push it shut after yourself.

“You wanna talk to me?” You questioned, walking over to lean on the side of the desk casually. “Or did you just want some time to look at my gorgeous face?” He did look up at you then, his eyes darting around to take in the entirety of your face, and you felt your heart flutter.

“How did your meeting go? What deals did you make?” He asked. You sighed. It wasn’t new that Kaz was asking about your business, he liked to know about what you were doing the same way that he liked to know about literally everything else, but you had hoped that this conversation would be a little less mundane than that. You had hoped that he might express an iota of joy that you were back.

“I can’t dock my ships in 3rd Harbour anymore.” You shrugged. “So I’ll stick to 2nd for imports going into the morning market, mostly 5th for everything else. There’s a few streets that I need to keep my business off of, and obviously I can’t try and undermine their operations anymore. That doesn’t mean that I won’t, it just means that I’ll be smarter about not getting caught.”

“And what do you get from them?”

“They leave me alone. I don’t need more than that. I mean, their terms are hardly going to impede my business anyway.”

“And your insurance?”

“You.” You smiled sweetly. “Very few people are bold enough to cross someone that has Kaz Brekker on side.”

“I thought you prided yourself on running an honest business.”

“I do. My association with you doesn’t make my business any less legit. I’m more honest than most of the Merchant Council anyway.”

“That’s fair.” He conceded with a slight nod.

Kaz had visited you a few times since the night that you had both let on about how much you cared about each other, but you hadn’t talked about it. It felt like the tension between you had been building and building like an elastic band ready to snap. It was driving you crazy.

“Anything else that you want to talk about?” You hinted. Kaz let out a long breath, his eyes sliding away from you for a moment. You could tell that he wanted to talk about it but he was struggling to get it out. “Because you haven’t told me that you’re glad I’m back yet.”

“I am glad that you’re back.” He affirmed, then he took a hard swallow. “We all missed you.” You smiled brightly at that.

You could hear the crows moving around on the half-roof outside of Kaz’s window and crossed the room to perch on the windowsill. There hadn’t been anywhere for the birds to land in the apartment that you had been cooped up in.

“Can I stay here for a while? I don’t want to be alone again just yet.” You said softly, tucking one knee up against your chest as you watched the birds through the glass.

“Sure.” Kaz answered.

You sat in silence for a while after that, which wasn’t unusual for you two. Before you had gone into hiding, you had spent many evenings with Kaz in his office just like this. Tonight felt different though. Something had opened between the two of you and now you couldn’t close it. The feeling permeated every corner of the room until you felt like you might explode if you didn’t break this silence, but, to your surprise, Kaz spoke first.

“I’ve been thinking about that day that I saw you outside the Crow Club.”

“Why?” You asked, blinking in surprise. Kaz was still facing forward at his desk, back turned to you, but his pen had stilled over the page.

“I watched you for a while, deciding whether to chase you off or recruit you for the Dregs.” He continued, ignoring your question. You were used to that too. “You were good at pickpocketing �� you could spot a good mark, distracted them by pretending to beg for pennies – but you stayed in one place for too long.”

“I know, you told me at the time.” You smiled amusedly.

“I was just planning on telling you exactly that, but after I got your attention and you looked at me I knew that I had seen you before. It was in your eyes.” He turned around to look at you then, his gaze finding yours immediately. “Your eyes never changed.”

Kaz’s eyes had. Maybe that was why you hadn’t recognised him. Kaz Rietveld had eyes full of wonder and warmth, that were curious about everything and shone when he was happy. Kaz Brekker's eyes were cold, they held secrets. The curiosity had become analytical, and the shine had turned into a devious glint. Kaz Rietveld didn’t exist anymore, the R tattoo on Kaz’s bicep was the only relic of him, and you were the only one left to remember him.

“Crows remember the faces of those that are kind.” He finished softly.

“And that’s why you took me in? Because I was kind?”

“Because we were friends. We are friends.”

“Just friends?” You murmured, a challenge in your eyes. It wasn’t a provoking challenge, more of an encouraging one. You wanted to know where he stood and you wanted him to be able to tell you. He was silent for a long stretch.

“Would we ever be able to be more?” He asked. You knew what he meant. Kaz had built up so many walls that he didn’t know how to let down, and he knew that about himself. It was how he had survived, but it was a way of being that wasn’t very conducive to relationships. He didn’t think that he could do it.

“That depends on you.” You answered with a soft smile. “Because I’m not looking anywhere else.” Kaz swallowed and looked away quickly, but you swore that you had seen a hint of a blush in his cheeks.

A knock came at the door, and you cursed whoever was on the other side in your head.

“What is it?” Kaz called.

“There’s a man downstairs says he has a job for you.” Specht’s voice came through the wood. “Won’t talk to no one else but you.”

“I’ll be down in a minute.” Kaz replied, then muttered something under his breath bitterly. You heard the creak of Specht's retreating footsteps and Kaz turned to you. “Will you wait until I get back?”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

You watched Kaz leave the room and let out a long sigh once the door had closed behind him. You were finally talking about whatever it was that was between the two of you and you just had to get interrupted.

You shed your coat, dropping it lazily on the floor next to you, and rolled up your shirt sleeves. Despite the pressure put on you from some members of the Dregs, you had never gotten the crow and cup tattoo on your forearm. You had known from the start that you didn’t want to belong to the gang, no matter how thankful you were for the help that Kaz had given you.

When you had realised who it really was that had approached you that night outside the Crow Club, you had been shocked. He knew your name when he spoke to you, though he had seemed unsure of it, and you had furrowed your brow and asked if you knew him.

“It’s Kaz.” He had said, and you had blinked.

“Kaz Rietveld?” You had whispered in disbelief. His jaw had clenched, his shoulders stiffened.

“That’s not my name anymore.” He snapped. “It’s Kaz Brekker now.”

When you asked him why he had changed his name he had simply told you that it was easier that way. When you asked him about why he was in Ketterdam he had answered that his father had died and they had sold the farm. When you asked about Jodie he didn’t answer.

He had walked you to the Slat, told you not to talk to anyone, and brought you up to this very room. You had trusted him enough to follow. Despite his proud presence in the Barrel, despite the fact that he was walking you into the den of a gang, despite the fact that he was almost unrecognisable from the Kaz that you knew as a child, you had trusted him. And in the years that followed, he had never broken that trust.

He had helped you pay for the first boarding house that you purchased, come with you to the bank when you took out the loan to buy your first ship, had come to the harbour to see you off the first time that you had gone to Ravka.

Kaz had once reminded you of something from your childhood while around the other Crows, and once it had slipped that you and Kaz had been friends when you were young, people were constantly asking you about what he had been like. He never told anybody anything about himself and people had been eager to find a source of information on him, but most people had quickly come to realise that you weren’t going to say anything either. Kaz had never thanked you for your discretion, but you knew that he was glad for it.

If you were honest with yourself, you had found yourself drawn to him ever since you got your first glimpse through his cold and uncaring exterior and saw his loyal and protective nature. The pull had only grown since.

Your thoughts were broken by the sound of the door opening, and you looked over to watch Kaz enter. The door clicked shut behind him and he moved to the wash basin directly across the room from the window that you were sat in, set down his cane and pulled off his gloves .

“A good job?” You asked. He shrugged.

“A job that I’ll do.” He answered and began unbuttoning his shirt. You tried not ogle as he pulled it off and picked up the washcloth from the basin, but you caught sight of a reddened stripe of raised skin across his side and furrowed your brows.

“When did that happen?”

“A few days ago.”

“How deep did it go?”

“Not too deep.”

“It doesn’t look like you stitched it up properly.”

“It’s fine.” He dismissed. You rolled your eyes and got up from the window ledge. Kaz never took proper care of himself but he was always too stubborn to admit it.

“Let me see.”

“I said it’s fine, Y/N-"

“Kaz.” You interrupted sternly, meeting his eyes in the mirror. “I said let me see.” He held your gaze for a moment before letting out a huff and raising his arm so that you could get a better view of the wound.

You kept your distance as you looked over the injury, but you could clearly see that the stitches were sloppy on the end of the gash towards his back; the side that he couldn’t reach easily himself.

“You’re keeping it clean?”

“I know how to treat a wound.” He grumbled.

“I know that you know how, that doesn’t mean that I actually trust you to do it. You didn’t even have it bandaged or anything, what if it gets infected?”

“It won’t, Y/N, stop worrying so much.”

“Well, if you’re not going to worry about yourself then somebody else has to.” You exasperated. “At least bandage it.” You didn’t wait for a reply before you crossed over to the cabinet where he kept his impressive stock of medical supplies and grabbed a roll of gauze. Kaz caught it grudgingly when you tossed it to him and set it to the side while he finished washing his torso.

“You worry too much.” He muttered.

“It’s good for you.” You smiled.

You watched him as he unrolled the gauze and wrapped it around his body, carefully laying it over the wound with pale fingers that you rarely saw. He was precise, but he couldn’t see his back and the bandage twisted as he moved it between his hands.

“It’s folded.” You told him softly, taking half a step towards him. “I can fix it... if you want.” There was a beat of silence before Kaz nodded slightly.

You moved towards him slowly and reached for him even slower, your eyes constantly flicking back to the mirror to gauge the reaction on Kaz’s face. Your fingertips barely brushed over his back as you unfolded the downturned piece of bandage and you immediately stepped away when you were done. It took no more than a few seconds, but you could hear Kaz’s short breaths and when you looked at him in the mirror you could see that he had paled.

You picked up the clean shirt that was laid on his bed and held it out to him at full arms length. His hand shook as he took it from you. He pulled it on quickly, making short work of the buttons, and pulled his gloves back on hastily.

“Sorry.” You mumbled, though you weren’t exactly sure what you were apologising for.

“It’s because of Jordie.” Kaz’s voice was hoarse when he spoke, his eyes trained on his shoes. “Why I can’t touch anyone. It’s because when he died...”

“You don’t have to tell me, Kaz.” You said softly when he trailed off. He shook his head slightly and cleared his throat, squeezing his eyes shut for a few seconds.

“When Jordie died, I was sick too. It was the Queen's Lady plague. One night, I fell asleep in an alley and woke up on the Reaper's Barge.” He swallowed thickly, wringing his hands together thoughtlessly, and you could see sweat forming on his brow. “When my fever broke, I had to swim back to the harbour, and Jordie... whenever someone touches me, all I can feel is those corpses.”

Silence hung between you as you tried to find the words to respond. It was a lot of information to take in, but suddenly things made sense. Now you understood why Kaz had become the way that he was; why he was prone to shutting people out, why the light behind his eyes had dimmed.

“Kaz, I... I’m sorry, I don’t know what to say.”

“That’s okay.” He muttered. “I have work to do. You’re welcome to stay as long as you’d like.” He crossed the room to sit down at his desk, his movements tense. You watched him for a minute, unsure of what to do. It felt wrong to leave him alone right now, but you didn’t know if he would want you to stay.

“I’m sailing to Novyi Zem next week.” You said. It was the first topic that you could think of. “I’d really appreciate it if you could look over the rent ledgers while I’m gone.”

“Sure.” He replied flatly. Silence again.

“Will you come with us all to get waffles tomorrow?”

“I have work to do, and Nina didn’t invite me anyway.”

“Yeah, well, the celebration is for me and I’d really like for you to be there.” You smiled slightly. “She probably didn’t invite you because she knew you’d say no.”

“Smart of her.” Kaz responded, and you let out a frustrated huff.

“Don’t do that, Kaz. Don’t shut me out.” You complained. He didn’t answer at all. You folded your arms over your chest and went to stand beside his chair. “I don’t care that you can’t touch people, it doesn’t bother me. You went through trauma and that’s not your fault. What is bothering me is that you’re choosing to stay closed off to everyone. You can’t keep your walls up forever, you’ll kill yourself trying.”

“I can’t handle it, Y/N.” He snapped, his voice low. The gravel in his voice might have intimidated you into backing off if you weren’t so adamant on getting through to him.

“You’ll never be able to handle it if you don’t start trying.” You insisted. “Maybe if you’d just admit to yourself that you care about people it wouldn’t be so hard to see that we care about you too.”

Kaz pinched the bridge of his nose, his eyes shut tightly, and released a long breath. You watched him, waiting for a response, not backing down. After a moment of silence, he glanced up at you.

“I can’t need anyone.” He said slowly. “Not after Jordie. I can’t let myself need anyone else.”

“You don’t have to need me, Kaz. You just have to want me.” You replied softly. His head snapped towards you and you actually saw his pupils dilate for the few seconds that he held your gaze before quickly turning away again. You hadn’t meant it like that, but you weren’t upset that he’d heard it that way.

“I don’t deserve you.” He muttered. You leaned against his desk, a sympathetic smile on your face even though he wasn’t looking at you.

“I’ve been around this long, I’m not going anywhere.” You promised. “There’s more to love about you than you think.”

Kaz tapped on his desk with a finger, a nervous action that he would usually suppress. Then, he took a sharp inhale and turned back to you.

“Okay.” He breathed. “I can try.” You bit down on your tongue in an attempt to suppress your grin, but you couldn’t stop the smile that stretched across your face.

“That’s all I ask.” You lilted. You stood up straight, pushing off of the desk and starting across the room to the window. You rolled your shirt sleeves down and snatched your coat up from the floor. “I’m going to head home. I expect to see you at my door promptly at eleven bells tomorrow morning, ready to get waffles.”

“Alright.” He nodded, breathing a single light laugh.

“Perfect. I’ll see you then.”

“Here, Y/N, these are for you.” He said quickly, picking up and couple of envelopes from his desk and holding them up for you. “You’ll have to make sure to notify your business partners of your change in mailing address.” You chuckled, going to take the letters from him, and he gave a small smirk as he handed them over.

“Thank you.” You smiled, before turning and heading to the door. “Eleven bells, Brekker. I know you’re a punctual man.”

“I’ll be there.” He affirmed. “Goodnight, Y/N.”

“Goodnight, Kaz.” You echoed softly before stepping out of the room and shutting the door behind you, a fond smile on your lips.

#six of crows #six of crows fanfic #shadow and bone #shadow and bone netflix #kaz brekker #kaz brekker fanfic #kaz brekker fic #kaz brekker x reader #shadow and bone fanfiction #grishaverse #leigh bardugo #crooked kingdom

147 notes · View notes

awakefor48hours · 4 years ago

Text

Talking about Through the Looking Glass Ruins

Alright, whatever you want to call that Loki finale has been living in my head rent free, I’ve noticed that it’s actually beginning to negatively effect my mood in my life. So instead of thinking about that, I’m focusing my attention on the beauty that was The Owl House 2x05

To start off, we see Gus feeling sad about hurting Willow and still feel down the next day. I think this was handled great. Gus isn’t portrayed as weak, feminine, or a joke. He’s portrayed as someone that feels bad and just needs some time to think through his feelings. And let me tell you, it is SO refreshing to see a male character actually be allowed to feel bad and instead show his sadness as a natural thing despite having a happy-go-lucky personality.

The next thing that I really like is how Luz is able to be open with her feelings about Amity to Gus. Gus knows that she likes Amity a lot and he doesn’t make fun of her about, he respects her feelings. Also this makes Amity and Luz’s relationship more open and easier to read unlike Korra and Asami’s in LOK. (I want to make it clear, I’m not mad at the writers for how they wrote Korrasami, I’m mad at Nick for forcing the writers to make their relationship more subtle to avoid cancelled. I know the writers did everything they could and I love them for that.)

After that we see the Glandus kids take down that Slitherbeast. They're shown as these cool/super strong kids and Gus wants to (understandably) fit in with them. So Luz, being the good friend that she, encourages Gus to go with them. Luz isn't trying to manipulate or gain anything from letting Gus go with the Glandus kids. She just wants Gus to go find new people to hang out with and even helps him do that.

When the twins find Luz (who's in the middle of being in love with Amity) they mention that they're looking for skincare tips for Ed. I LOVE this because once again, this isn't portrayed as a feminine or funny thing. The casual mentions that Ed's date uses they/them pronouns (this is the second time they/them pronouns have been used in the show) is also an amazing touch. It's stuff like this that normalizes things that have been "taboo" for so long. When Em teases him, it's "I'm your sister so it's my job to bully you" not "ha, GAAAAAY." (Also for the love of all that’s holy, can cishets please stop gendering objects.)

Then Amity and Luz are able to talk to each other after that and the twin realize that it would be better to just leave them alone so they do to allow Luz and Amity to start talking. This once again, makes their feelings for each other very clear and can’t be easily misinterpreted "just friends being friends" or "gals being pals." You can clearly see the intimacy and romance between the two in this moment.

After that we get to see Amity trying to help Luz with a way to get her home. Amity makes it clear that she could lose her job so Luz tries to think of another way because Luz is just a good person like that. She's putting Amity's needs above her own but Amity also puts Luz's needs above her own. They both clearly respect each other and I love it. This is how relationships should work, platonic or romantic.

Now we go back to the Glandus crew and Gus is actually enjoying himself (with the exception of Matt) and I think it's nice that he's spending time with people outside of his usual circle (even if these people are jerks).

Luz and Amity they once again share a intimate moment and when the realization of how dangerous this actual is Luz wants to go back but it's Amity that pushes them forward. I really like this because it once again shows that Luz respects Amity and isn't trying to be selfish. But Amity, being the lesbian disaster that she is, wants to get the book for Luz.

Now we're back to the Glandus kids and they're hinting to Bria's true colors by showing how she treats Angmar. She's isn't patient with him and she's showing her true colors which is a nice touch. When Gus realizes that the stones are actually from a graveyard he stands up for what he believes in instead of playing along and stealing them. I know how hard it is to do this, I’ve done dumb things to fit in.

Cut back to Luz and Amity and we get to see Amity admit some of her feelings. I think that in this scene, she's in some way admitting to herself just how much she likes Luz. Amity knows she likes Luz but I think that when she finally saying that Luz makes her do crazy things is a way for to confess just how strong her feelings are for Luz.

The last switch to the Glandus kids, we get to see Gus and Matt start talking for real. They start an actual relationship together.

It's also here when Gus suggests a creative way to get rid of the Glandus kids which is something that I really like. I hate the saying "work smarter not harder" because it devalues the way of working out of the box, which is what Gus did. He thought of a new and interesting way to use illusions to get rid of the Glandus guys and it worked. Not to mention, it was accompanied with creepy imagery that I bet wouldn't exist with Alex Hirsch making Gravity Falls.

Now we have the final scene which I love. The Blights are all hanging out together and Amity is talking about her feelings to them. The Blights have a realistic sibling relationship and I love how it's portrayed. You can tell that Amity is serious in this moment so Em is treating it serious unlike earlier in the library when she was poking fun at Ed. She cares about her and even points out that Amity is happy now. Then she helps Amity dye her hair to purple which is also goes to show that she cares more about Amity than whatever her mom thinks. Em cares so much about Amity and it shows so much through this scene.

Next we have Luz who comes to give Amity her card back, which I think is very cute. They share a few blushes and once again Luz shows just how much she cares for Amity. Luz was put in hell and crawled back so Amity could be happy.

Also, now we got to know a little bit more about Philip Wittebane and his time spent on the Boiling Isle. I can't wait to see more (I'm looking at YOU Disney. If you cancel the show, I'm breaking your kneecaps.)

Then we have the scene that will live on in my heart forever: Amity kissing Luz on the cheek. Now, y'all, I just can't BELIEVE this happened. I'm not gonna lie, I thought we would have to wait for forever to get this but no it happened in the middle of the show without any censoring of any kind. We got to see two girls that had a “say you’re not a witch” enemies to “don’t worry, you always have a way of sneaking into people’s hearts” lovers. (Not even all straight ships are like this but I’m not complaining.)

Thank you Steven Universe, Gravity Falls, She Ra, Adventure Time, The Legend of Korra, Star v the Forces of Evil, The Dragon Prince, The Hollow, and every other show with queer representation that I missed (NOT YOU VOLTRON), you're efforts were not in vain. A wall that was up for so long is crumbling and I’m there for it. Future adults are going to be able to look back at their childhood and see themselves in mainstream media without being criminalized or the butt of a joke. A childhood that I know that most of the people in this fandom wished that they could've had.

In conclusion, I love how just about everything was handled in this episode, it's more than the Lumity episode, it's the episode that showed boys that they can feel sad and value their looks, putting the ones you love above yourself, some times it's good to think out of the box, and most importantly: it's okay to be yourself even if it’s hard.

#toh #the owl house #the owl house amity #the owl house luz #lumity #toh lumity #toh gus #the owl house gus #august porter #gus porter #Mattholomule #emira blight #edric blight #i hope ed had a good date #the not spoiler house

133 notes · View notes