#i’m never gonna get a break am i?
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i’m on a vc with @zozo-01 and this girl fully just dropped the most soup-crushing angst that she is gonna put on tumblr if the leafs lose (which they obviously will) all non-chalant
like please zo you’ve HURT ME (AND TUMBLR) ENOUGH, THE HEART CAN ONLY TAKE SO MUCH
#part 397436 of zo hurting me with angst#i’m never gonna get a break am i?#hala rambles#zo extraordinaire <33
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Every week I go “Jiji in the anime this week? 🥺👉👈”. And every week I’m disappointed
#NEXT WEEK THO FOR SURE. TRUST#I need anime Jiji so bad he has crippled me these past couple weeks since reading the manga#I need him in the anime to cope <- lying. It would make me worse#I am that stock image of that guy on his knees head in hands every time I think about him#he’s so incredibly everything to me he was made for me#breaking down in the tags my old friend hello#I’m screaming I’m sobbing I’m gripping the sink so hard it breaks#his stupid face is all that’s in my mind#I am not normal about him I will never be normal about him#Dandadan is great guys highly recommend#gonna get even better next week when Jiji’s there because he will be there next week HE WILL BE#manifesting SO HARD 😭😭🙏🙏#Maddiepost
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is anyone still in the mood for a hypmic imagines blog these days lol
#mod rambles#giant ramble incoming ->#the tag seems so..#dead. which makes me sad :(#it’s looking pretty grim for us yumes out there ngl#do the people still yearn for self indulgent romance with their oshis. lol#i am still very much a yume freak. perhaps more so lately. but i never do talk about my own yume ships loll#plus the yume community does not seem.. very pleasant. to say the least#i do kinda want to come back and write here#but not on this account. i’d make a new one#i kinda want to start all over tbh. like a fresh slate#plus it'd kinda force me to try and get back into the groove of writing bc i feel like i've forgotten each and every rule lol#also it's important to have a creative outlet!! even if i most likely do not have the time for one lmao#i do want to provide for the h.ypmic yume community on here though. plus i love to write#even though i'm not caught up on the drama tracks..#idk if i'm emotionally ready for them#yes i did see this is the final drb. i got the news while studying for my final the very next day so suffice to say i was not doing well lo#idk if I’d share the new blog though. but i feel like it’d be p obvious if were me? lol#but i also wouldn’t have the time to write or post so idk.#i have time rn bc I’m on break but#when school starts back up again I’m gonna be packed. esp since I’ll be starting neuro so that’s gonna take all my brain activity (ha)#also will be starting research back up again so that’s a pain#plus. truth be told this year hasn’t been particularly kind to me#i haven’t really been in the mood to write or share it bc of what’s been going on back home#my people are always on my mind all the time#esp my village#🇱🇧❤️#been doing a lot of rambling lately but not a lot of writing. hm#all this to say: i might be coming back but prob with a new blog. lol#i write a lot just to get to the bare basic point (hence the 30 tags)
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i haven’t even started school yet and i already want to kill myself 😭
#i’m not gonna survive til the end of the year lmao#homie didn’t take a lunch again!! (i’ve never taken a lunch in high school but it’s fine)#also dumbass decided to overload herself with honors and college courses (i’m a junior) so this year will surely suck#i have to get through a month and a half then i get to go see the outsiders and sit next to ponyboy curtis cmon 😭#pls be nice to me school i don’t know how much i can take#i am not taking any breaks because i need to work or else my brain will actually tell me to kms and idk how that’s gonna end#tw sui joke#cw sui joke
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we always talk about how theon should be at the club or renly should be at the club but i think tyrion should be in therapy, this seems obvious but i’m talking about even non extensive, you have mediocre healthcare and can only get a therapist for eight sessions before you reach the edge of their expertise which is mostly just unipolar depression & grief from a grandparent’s death, bc even the world’s shittiest therapist would listen to that man talk and be like “have you ever thought of just going no contact? it doesn’t seem like this is healthy and family clearly doesn’t give a shit. just like, change your number” ya know, and going no contact is a lot easier if you’re a trust fund baby in the 21st century bc he can just use the relatives he still talks to (im assuming gemma and jaime) as references for some high paying nothingburger job, move out, get a new phone, and just never see his dad again. like not for nothing but sometimes just waking up and knowing you never have to see that man’s bitch ass again?? it’s very healing.
#i’m thinking about fatherhood a lot wjsjdjd#i am the first person to point to rosalie kennedy and scream incoherently when people say that being rich completely alleviates prejudice#from disability bc that’s just functionally not and has never been true. but like if tyrion is born in the year 1992 as a trust fund kid?#he’s gonna get to college see the social worker who is gonna be like ‘maybe just don’t go home for the holiday? just find a friend to spend#winter break with?’ and give him some lexapro and he’s gonna be like oh my god. i can just stop talking to my family.#yeah baby you can!!!! you can just leave!!!!!!!!! tyrion just leave pls for the love of god 😔😔#getting on my soap box
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i can’t gif but the way the doctor literally starts SHIELDING rose with his body (and frankly everyone else’s body he literally pushes her in the middle of the crowd) is making me feral
#this entire sequence actually#he’s like i can’t save any of these people but if there is one thing i’m gonna do#it’s get rose out alive#like even before they break into the house he comes downstairs#with one intention and one concern and it is rose#and then he never lets go of her hand#until pete turns up and like…we don’t have time to unpack All of That#but in an AU where rose isn’t so emotional over her parents and mickey#and they are already shagging. the doctor is ripping that waitress outfit off with his teeth when they’re back in the tardis#and whispering that he can’t lose her#i am just saying#these episodes are the actual turning point in ten's arc to me#the most human doctor repressing his emotions going up against humans with no emotions#and saying fuck it i choose PAIN i choose GRIEF. that is his turning point#that's why idiot's lantern is a straight up date and he loses it when she's not safe#but that is another post lol my bad#timepetals#doctor who#tenrose
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So bonkers how my general ability to do tasks has changed since new playlist and tv show. No longer pulled into spending one million hours stuck on The Apps either, I’m doing things. The power of feeling happy and excited…….
silly. but I’ll take it!!!!!!!!!!
#I’ve also actually been switching my brain off to rest too or it feels like it. maybe the key is enjoying breaks so I can task switch more#easily. IDK! I think part of it is that life just feels easier when you feel happy instead of somewhat desperate and like the world is out#of reach 😅#anyway I’m doing good 👍 if I can work out how to feel like this often then that would be so nice.#flip side is kind of bleak post that I have Not been doing well and things are not good for. a while. but I’ve been staying afloat!!!! and#u know I’m constantly putting effort in!!!!!!!#if that effort had guaranteed benefits then wow. we would be in a different stratosphere hahahaha#like I know what the problem is! being ill all da time and not being able to leave the house or socialise or do stuff that’s fun and#interesting and novel and fulfilling is so bad for you. alas. the disabilities.#another drs appt next week though!!!! hoping the new tests and referral to new specialists gets approved no problem! 🤞#u know I am doing everything in my power to make a positive chance that’s also physically possible for me! even if I’m coming at it with#very little expertise or ideas of what’s out there! there’s gotta be more options! there’s gotta be someone who can help or#at least explain more!#even if they get to the bottom of things better and say it’s never gonna get better. maybe I can be eligible for more support then!#it’s gonna be okay!!!!!!!
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i have this weird thing where i want ppl to be really nice to me and pet me and etc but like, i know that’s not possible, at least for me, cause no ones ever gonna see me as a cat. i’m just some guy asking for attention, not this cat you spotted and wanna call over, i am just never gonna feel as innocent as i want to. it hurts so fucking bad
#kitty talks#on the come down of the shrooms and felt a lot today and im thinking a lot and i’m just like haha idk i rlly wish inwas a cat#i wish i could never feel a thing ever. i want thr bliss cats have. i want ro be loved. i wanna be cute. i jusy wanna be small#ive been edging breaking down for so long but it really does suck i really jusy wanna be hugged but i dont wanna be Hugged i wanna be hugged#and i wanr ro cuddle but not like that. i want to be a cat that crawls into bed with someone warm bc i like their heat. i uusy#i dont know i feel so fucking weird rn and it’s mostly bc im like fuck dude is this jusy how ill be forever like am i seriously not gonna +#get over this. am i just gonna live my life begging to be loved like something im not?#am i even acearo? like i am but do i really know what i mean by when i say i dont Like that stuff?#like am i just not interested bc i know it’ll never be possible to truly Be Like That with no worry?#idont know im jusy really sad and im cold and i wish someone was kissing me right now and i wish i was being squeezed#and i am also so tired of dressing up just to feel uglier but i love dressing up and make up too much to Not do it#idk. basically. i wish i was a cat and i wish i didn’t frel ugly all the time
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#diini rambles#I am so ready to crawl into bed and never leave#but that’ll never happen so I’ll take a few hours at this point#I’ve been going places and doing things which has been fun#but also tiring#staying home is also tiring so I’ve decided if I’m gonna suffer I’m gonna do it away from home#at least then I’ll be able to eat good food and drink fun things#I’ll technically be free next weekend BUT I’m getting my wisdom teeth out so it won’t be very fun#t h e n I start school and have plans for the upcoming months#b l e h#god let me know peace one day p l e a s e#also been stuck with kiddos lately which has also added to the tired™️#I will never truly be free from them but I need a break
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#the Monthly Blood Bath™️ has arrived that explains it!!!!#also i just rewatched harry singing girl crush#did i actually start crying? yes#am i feeling a lot (too many) emotions about it rn as a consequence? also yes#like ofc he’s super privileged and all that#but my heart also aches for him#i’m not gonna claim to know anything about his gender#but it’s so obvious that he’s never wanted to be your like typical Masculine Man#from day fucking one dude#and being under the biggest spotlight in the world rn like#if he is feeling gender stuff#i can only imagine how difficult and heartbreaking it would be to be going thru that at the same time and being under such a watchful eye#it was hard enough for me to break out of my original mold with like#15 people knowing me lmaoooo like fuck dude#ANYWAYS#harry ily and i hope that u are/get to live as authentically as makes u comfortable 🫶#rowyn rambles
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what if i’m crazy and evil and i don’t know. what if there’s something wrong with me. the guy i’m dating uses tumblr so now i use tumblr. the guy i’m dating drinks and does drugs but i still don’t do those things yet
#wlw#HEEELPP!!! HELP MEEE#I HAVE THREE WHITE ROOMMATES AND I WINCE WHENEVER I REMEMBER THEY EXIST#I AM BARELY ALIVE BUT I STILL HAVE TO PUT UP A FRONT FOR THIS GUY BECAUSE I WANT HIM TO LOVE ME#I’M SCARED I’M NOT MEANT FOR COLLEGE OR LIFE IN THE CITY!!!#I HAVEN’T EVEN BEEN TO ONE CONCERT!!#I HAVE TO EMERGENCY WITHDRAW!!#I HAVE TO GET IT TOGETHER!! OHHHHH#chat is it over for me#i miss when my life was hard in an easy way#now it’s hard in a real way#i missed tumblr a little#i need more real life friends#but my whole life feels very fragile. like if i try to set up here the foundation is gonna crumble and it’ll all break#and all the consequences to things are soooo much worse#and i spend too long in bed#and i keep not taking my antidepressants#and the guy i’m dating doesn’t know i’m a system#because what i’ve realized is that that freaks people the fuck out#he knows. he does know#but does he Know? he can read about it online but when he sees it in real life will he leave? will i find another him?#i hold onto people like a crab hanging from one of its claws until i have something else to hold onto#because being by myself feels like being in free fall#if he leaves will i have someone else to hold on to? the answer is probably no#so my grip has to be kinda unrelenting#and i have to change my shape a little. keep that close#i’m the type of guy to get into a terrible terrible terrible terrible terrible relationship and just stay#and stay and stay no matter what because what if this is the best i’ll get? whenever i’m with someone it never feels Bad#it always feels so good. it always feels perfect like#30th tag means i need to get outta here. if you’re reading this for some reason 🤨 i love you
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ohhhh my supervisor is so sick of me
#which is annoying as FUCK because this guy is most of the reason why I’m so behind rn#he’s getting a plane later today and so was frustrated that I kept asking questions#when this is kinda the first chance I’ve had to ask most of my questions and actually get a response#which. incidentally. is why my draft sucks and I have a week and a half left to finish it#but man yeah like 20 minutes into the meeting I stop to ask if there’s anything else he wanted to say#bc he had a bit at the start but the man never stops talking so I took a brief silence as a way to start grilling him and didn’t let up#for ~15 minutes. and he’s like yeah I wanted to check some stuff before my flight later today#I am aware flights are stressful but sir you have been doing less than the minimum for weeks and making my life hell#you can handle half an hour of talking to me#like I had no idea how I was meant to write this!! I’ve asked and he brushed me off!! and nobody else explains it#bc your supervisor is meant to!! so from the comments on the draft and grilling him I’ve only just figured out#what the fuck I’m actually meant to be writing#I also gave up on not talking over him bc he does to me and if I don’t cut in he will talk for 20 minutes straight#AND HE TALKS OVER ME. I keep forgetting that part#but god rn in every aspect of this I’m just scrambling to get as much done as possible which means everything is a mess#but first draft by Monday now (I’ve set my OWN goal to have everything figured out at least by Friday night so I can just be refining shit)#I’ve had a Lot of first drafts at this point huh.#I think. I need to break this down again so that I can get some sense of accomplishment here#luckily I just got a new structure!#god I just realised one of the things I asked him was abt restructuring some objectives. so now half of what Ive written is gonna be changed#I have so much editing to do. and so much writing to do. someone pls help me#luke.txt
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When the man in your life is actually considerate and goes out of his way to do nice things not only for you but also for your friends
#he who shall not be named could never 😭#I shouldn’t admit it but he literally made a tumblr to break the no contact order and message me so I hope he sees this#yes I absolutely am petty asf…..and?#pretty sure he didn’t even get reprimanded for that because he deactivated the account#I’m not gonna say it but __.__.__ 😭
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Broke: everyone fights over whose Batman’s favorite
Woke: everyone fights over whose Dicks favorite bc Dick isn’t an emotionally stunted loser (I shit talk Bruce so much but I love him, he’s just also a loser) and trying to get in the bats favor is like trying to catch sand in a sieve
————
Damian: obviously I’m Graysons favorite I was his Robin
Tim: dude I was the first Robin he trained and we still talk every day I am 100% the favorite
Steph: fuck you! You disappeared off the the face of the earth when he was Batman I was actually here I’m 100% the favorite everyone knows Wing loves me.
Jason: Dick willingly went to Gotham to spend time with me even when he was mad at Bruce. Has Dick ever been in Gotham when he was mad at Bruce for you guys? No? Didn’t think so?
Damian: ….
Steph:…
Tim: that’s because you sucked so much he thought you’d get blown up trying to have to bludhaven.
Jason: oi! Low blow, you can’t use a man’s death against him
Damian: shut up we’ve all died before
Steph: you literally said you were allowed to break Tim’s laptop bc you died b4
Jason: yeah it’s MY DEATH I can use it how I want
Tim: we really gonna call your 14yr old 4’7 self a man?
Cass: he helped me train when B rejected me I’m the favorite
Tim: you can’t be Dicks favorite you’re already Bab’s favorite those are the only 2 likable older members of the family. (They’ve decided Alfred doesn’t count since he’s legally not allowed to have favorites)
Dick: Duke is my favorite
Damian: what?
Tim: how?
Jason: this shit is rigged
Steph: What?? You barely spend time with him?
Duke who has been eating popcorn quietly this whole time:???
Dick: he doesnt steal my suit and murder people
Jason: …
Dick: or tell his friends I threatened to send him to Arkham when I told him to get therapy
Tim:…
Dick: or break into my apartment at 3am because he can’t communicate with his father
Damian:…
Dick: or make me believe he flatlined on the operating table
Steph: …
Dick: or tell me he can’t meet up for a bust because he’s too busy fighting Wonder Woman a hero we work with over text with no context and then go AWOL for 5 days
Cass:…
Dick: or overload his plate with 50 million things I will have to come in and help with
Everyone:
Steph: he started a cult tho??
Dick: was it before or after he was fostered bc if it was before it’s. Not. My. Problem.
Duke: I’m the favorite???
Dick: also I feel like if I died you’re the most likely to take over my duties and not go on a quest for vengeance or try to clone me or put me in the Lazarus pit.
Jason: ID NEVER PUT you in the Lazarus pit…. No comment on the rest tho.
Tim: ditto
Damian: meh you are superior to Todd and he’s relatively functional post the pit I don’t see the issue here.
Steph raising hand: I wouldn’t-
Dick: or help TIM do it
Steph lowering hand:
Dick: plus you have a parent so I don’t have to do 80% of the child rearing while giving Bruce credit
Duke still a little star stuck bc that’s nightwing: IM THE FAVORITE.
#nightwing#dick grayson#batman#batfam#bruce wayne#comics#jason todd#tim drake#batfamily#damian wayne#duke thomas#stephanie brown#cassandra cain#red hood#red robin#Robin#black bat#spoiler#dicks favorite sibling is the one who gives him the least ulcers
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:)
#realized im never getting over my ex. time to play apt 502!#HDJDJDJDJDJ#i’ve gotten better at not like. giving in to the part of my brain that begs to talk to them or ask about whether we’re still gonna stay#in contact / be friends / keep checking in#like. i’ve realized that i’m no longer doing it for the good of anyone. i havr no way of knowing whether it’s making things worsr or better#for them the more i do it but i feel like hearing from me at all mudt feel gross or repulsive on some level#so i’m doing my best to like. fight my brain JDJJJDJD#hurts! but if i give in to my brain’s demands it’ll go from hurting to stabbing. likr i’m making things worse for everyonr#need to focus on like. not failing another semester and getting my degree for once HDKDKDJD#but. i can treat myself to a little well written interactive fiction. even if i dont really deserve it. HDJJDJDJ#mano.mindtalk#neg#i keep yhinking im handljng yhings better and im always wrong. just yhis morning i thought i was doingbetter than yesterdayand now im doing#so much worsr and everyday jm further behind. and jm terrified. and im sl heartbrokenand i dont know what im trying yo do anymore#and i sre family and ftiends and everyone getting so muchjoy and i am so happy for thembht it breaks my heart#and i wannatry to get help but its so hardand all the times i have tried it hasntworked#i wanna get better so badly. i wanna be good so badly. and i keep getting furthe and further from it and saying horriblethings yo myself and#veing so hopeless and it makes me so sad i dontknow how i endeduo like this again
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a/n two posts in one day… ruh roh… (I miss gojo </3)
ex!satoru who doesn’t really understand the concept of being an ex. he just thinks you want a break from him. but permanently separated? hell no, he could never understand that.
“‘toru… things aren’t gonna work out between us,” you begin as he sits in front of you at your dinner table in your shared apartment. he looks at you with no emotion, as if you didn’t just end things. “we’re growing in separate ways, and i feel i would only—satoru.”
you could scream at him—he’s not paying attention, scrolling on his phone instead. he shows you the order he placed for dinner, coming in twenty minutes. of course, he bought your favorite.
“satoru, can you please be serious for one minute?” you huff, clearly annoyed that he’s not listening while he’s purchasing things he knows will make you swoon.
“i am serious,” he says, placing his phone down to observe your breathtaking features.
“you weren’t even listening,” you say, crossing your arms as you slouch in the seat.
“baby, of course i’m listening—you’re crazy if you think i’m leaving you,” he coos condescendingly, and you roll your eyes.
ex!satoru who, in fact, respected your decision and gave you your personal space, not exactly broken up in his eyes, just a temporary break.
ex!satoru who stays over at suguru’s place for a few months, whining every day and night about how he missed being in your arms.
“i miss her,” gojo says as he pets geto’s cat, miyu, while geto himself groans as he cleans his apartment.
“can you at least help out and stop whining like a bitch,” geto says, adjusting the pillows neatly on his couch. this only causes gojo to frown and embrace miyu in a tight hug, nuzzling his face in her soft fur as she tries to get away from his grasp.
“and let go of miyu, she doesn’t want you holding her.”
ex!satoru who continues to send you money, always sending you hundreds and hundreds of dollars for food, shopping, and especially paying for your necessities. he doesn’t care that you work for yourself—you’re still his baby, and he loves spoiling you. his money is your money.
unknown number sent $500! —go get some food, baby~ ♡
unknown number sent $600! —please unblock me on insta
unknown number sent $300! —i love u, mama
ex!satoru who chokes on his breakfast when shoko says you’re going on a date. gojo, never in his life, was speechless, and that really creeped out shoko and geto.
“satoru… are you good?” geto asks concernedly—even miyu jumps on gojo’s lap, sensing a difference in his character.
“yeah, i’m good…” he says calmly, placing down his utensils to pet miyu’s soft fur.
ex!satoru who does a little investigating of who this mysterious man is, finding his identity within ten minutes. he scoffs when he finds his social media—he’s nowhere near as handsome as he is. what do you see in him?
ex!satoru who sits comfortably in the luxurious restaurant where you and the mysterious man planned to go. little did you know, gojo texted the man, telling him that you’re married.
“aiko?” gojo hears a soft voice call as he turns to look at you. your eyes widen when you see gojo. this has to be some kind of joke—he is fucking crazy. you turn around, going back to the entrance, but gojo grabs your wrist.
“no, no, no, baby, please let me talk,” he pleads, and you fold from the way he calls you baby. oh, how you loved and missed the way he called you baby and claimed you as his own.
he guides you to the chair in front of him as he holds your hand, your pretty acrylics grazing his hands. he loved the way you looked well put together, his baby doll.
“my love, i promise to leave you,” he says, rubbing small circles on your hand. your heart pangs at his confession. “i just want to know how you’re doing.”
“i-i miss you so much,” you say. gojo feels like he’s hallucinating at what you just said. “shoko told me you were having a date today, and i felt so jealous—” you stammer, and gojo blinks multiple times, stunned at what you’re saying.
“this guy aiko asked me on a date, and i wanted to make you jealous,” you continue, frowning at being confused with your emotions. but gojo, on the other hand, is putting two and two together.
“give me your phone,” he sternly says. you stare at him in confusion, but you oblige, taking out your phone from your purse and handing it to him. gojo smiles as your lockscreen is still a baby photo of him. he unlocks your phone—the password still the same, his birthday.
“i was meaning to change the lockscreen,” you quickly state, not trying to look like a weirdo in front of him.
gojo goes into your contacts and clicks aiko’s contact information, calling the number. multiple rings go by, and the man on the other line picks up.
“hello—”
“shoko, i know this is you.”
you look at him and your phone in horror. shoko set you guys up by making a fake number to make you go on a date with ‘aiko’ but really you’d be with gojo.
“ahh, did my plan work? both of you kept whining about each other—it was infuriating. i had to do something,” she says on the other line, gojo clearly hearing geto’s giggles in the background.
“don’t ever do this again,” gojo says as he hangs up the phone. the two of you burst out in laughter, but for you, it’s more embarrassing that you were flirting with shoko through texts!
fiancé!satoru who proposed to you a few weeks later, he’s beyond happy to be in the arms of his baby again <3
#jujutsu kaisen#jjk x reader#gojo x reader#gojou satoru x reader#gojo satoru#satoru gojo fluff#gojo fluff#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jjk fluff#jujutsu kaisen fluff#divider from @cafekitsune
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