#I’M SCARED I’M NOT MEANT FOR COLLEGE OR LIFE IN THE CITY!!!

[goldenleafly]

what if i’m crazy and evil and i don’t know. what if there’s something wrong with me. the guy i’m dating uses tumblr so now i use tumblr. the guy i’m dating drinks and does drugs but i still don’t do those things yet

[upsidedownwithsteve]

Simmer #3

CH.3 Sunny Side Up | The Menu [4.3K] Eddie Munson x shy fem!reader: a line cook au.

Talking to Eddie became a little easier after that night. Just a little. You greeted each other on morning shifts with tired nods, maybe a small ‘hi’ from you, a grunt from him that you’d learned not to take offence to. You’d watched time and time again as Jonathan brought his coffee to the kitchen, handing Eddie a mocha full of chocolate syrup and the boy received another grunt in thanks too. 

The diner became more familiar, as did your colleagues and it made your heart ache a little when you realised you melted into their routines, their little world as easily as they did with each other. Steve knew your favourite song, liked to turn it up when it came on the radio, pointing at you with enough fanfare to make you flush when he sang the lyrics into the end of a wooden spoon. 

Robin had invited you to hers, an unofficial girls night after a Sunday late shift that became a habit without meaning to. You shared her apartment space the way she shared yours, leftover pyjama shirts in each other's drawers, rented movies swapped between television sets. And at times, when she was home from college, Nancy would join you both, curled on the loveseat with Robin as they listened to your horror stories from Chicago. 

Argyle would offer you rides to work, always passing you on the days you missed the bus, pulling over his brightly painted van with a lazy grin and a yell of “jump in my ‘lil Chicago pizza.”

It was easy, comfortable, a slow kind of life that you craved in the city, the long days and quiet nights that you were more suited to. Hawkins was far from the white picket fence dream, but you loved your little apartment with its view of the cornfields, the long road out of town that you knew took you to work. And when the bus stopped on Sundays and you walked to the diner, you’d pass that old garage the same way you did on your first day in town and wave to Wayne. 

It was easy. It was simple. 

That Tuesday, you clocked in early after swapping a shift with Nancy, the heat rolling into the side door with you as the sun rose. It was the earliest you’d started and the diner was still quiet, a lack of customers between the midnight hours that the truckers frequented and the breakfast rush. The radio was up louder than usual, the smell of fresh bread coming from the ovens, a huge bowl of batter on the counter beside some chopped strawberries, glittering with sugar. 

“Hey! Hey what's the matter with you, feel right? Don't you feel right, baby?”

You could see Jonathan in the front of the diner, setting clean tables with new cutlery, Argyle trailing behind him - not necessarily helping, but definitely talking animatedly about something. Jim was in his office, groaning over receipts and copies of everyone’s vacation requests, two empty mugs of coffee in front of him. You weren’t sure where Ed—

“Jesus, watch it!”

You gasped on instinct as someone collided with your shoulder, a dull pain that wasn’t all that sore but scared you nonetheless. Eddie was glaring at you, holding a hot tray of morning rolls aloft with a dish towel. 

“I could’ve fucking burnt you,” he snapped, setting them down on his station with a clatter. 

You winced, an apology on your tongue, already tasting sour. “I’m sorry, I didn’t— I didn’t hear you say corner, or, or door or—”

You watched as Eddie’s frown disappeared momentarily, a soft drop of his expression that made you realise at the same time he did, that he didn’t give any of those warnings at all. You thought he’d apologise then, maybe back track with a rare smile but instead his scowl deepened and he set about pulling ingredients out of the fridge. 

“Stumbling ‘round like a baby deer, man,” Eddie huffed, his voice low, like you maybe weren’t meant to hear. But you did. “Gonna end up seriously hurtin’ yourself— or someone else. Not supposed to be in the damn kitchen, told you you weren’t made out f—”

Tears burned the corners of your eyes at the first sign of conflict but your heart pounded and you let yourself get wound up. You squared your shoulders, sucked in a breath and let the sting of your eyes and the lump in your throat fuel you. “Hey!” You snapped, only sounding a little watery, a little soft. “It wasn’t— it wasn’t my fault. You’re supposed to tell someone you’re coming if you’re holding something.” You blew out a breath, acutely aware of how Eddie was watching you with raised brows. “Especially something hot. And I don’t stumble.”

You glared right back at the boy, hoping you looked as intimidating as he did, throwing your hands on your hips for good measure until you felt too much like your mom and dropped them back by your side. You squirmed in the silence, pulling self-consciously at the hem of your uniform dress, still trying to keep your lips in an annoyed flat line, your brows as turned down as Eddie’s. Eddie scoffed and rolled his eyes, throwing a pound of butter into a huge mixing bowl. It made the station shake with a thud and he turned his back to you before he spoke, shoulders stiff, a tattoo that curled up from his back to the nape of his neck just visible for the way he’d pulled his curl up in a bun. 

“Why are you always in such a bad mood? Huh? And I’m allowed in the kitchen,” you added, hating that you sounded haughty, but fuck this boy and his attitude problem. The hot and cold act was starting to wear thin. “I work here too.”

He turned then, the sleeves of his chef whites rolled up to his elbows, ropes of muscle and lines of ink curling around his forearms. His fingers were covered in butter and sugar, and when he took a few steps closer, brows raised at you in a challenge, he smelled like cinnamon. “That right, sweetheart?”

You didn’t back down, even though your stomach flipped. You lifted your chin higher, tried to give it back to him as good as he gave it out. “You think I come here for the good of my health?” You wanted to bite, you wanted to sink your teeth in and draw blood. You wanted to hurt. The taste of honey on fresh sourdough lingered on your tongue.  “I heard the food is shit.”

Eddie’s nostrils flared at your childish barb, but as immature as it was, the boy gritted his teeth and stormed back to the work station. The bowls clattered against each, steel on steel and the spatula he’d been using got launched into the empty sink. 

“Just stay out my way,” Eddie grunted. 

 The sharpness of his words made your throat tight, face scrunching unhappily because what had you ever done to him? You decided not to answer, pressing your lips together instead and hoping Eddie didn’t see your watery eyes when you stalked past his table. You ducked into the office, slamming your locker door as you shoved your bag inside, shouldering into Steve by accident on the way back out. 

“Oh, sorry— hey, hey,” Steve frowned, catching sight of your face. “What’s wrong?”

You didn’t answer, just smiling and shrugging him off, already pulling out your pad and pen from the front of your apron, as if the quiet diner was suddenly full of people who were desperate for their orders to be taken. You didn’t look at Eddie as you left, disappearing between the table and booths, hoping for something to clean until a table filled up. 

You didn’t see it, you didn’t hear it, but Steve walked to Eddie’s station with a scowl that matched the other boy’s and stole the spoon that was in his hand. 

“Hey!” Eddie’s head shot up, eyes narrowed, ready for a fight. “Give me th—”

“Stop being a dick,” Steve scolded, holding the spoon over his head when Eddie tried to grab it across the bench. “You’re being an ass, man. And for what?”

Eddie glared, reaching for the stolen utensil and swearing when Steve rapped the back of his knuckles with it. “What’re you even talkin’ about?”

Steve scoffed, “don’t act dumb, Munson, it isn’t cute. What have you got against the new girl?”

Eddie didn’t answer, giving up and crossing the kitchen to rake through a drawer for another spoon instead. He stalked to the refrigerator too, still scowling, piling more ingredients in his arms as he went. He walked back to Steve with eggs and fruit, jars of spices that were all different colours. Steve was still standing, shirt sleeves rolled up, his name badge on upside down. 

“Well?”

“Steve, just—” Eddie let out a huff and set a pan on the stovetop, flicking on the switches until a blue flame appeared. It bloomed into red, orange and Eddie spooned some butter into the pan. “I don’t have anything against her.” His cheeks were hot, he could feel it. A pink flush that went across his nose and attacked the tips of his ears. He cracked an egg too vigorously, shell in the yolk, making it burst. He swore. 

“No?” Steve didn’t look convinced. He handed Eddie back his spoon. “Doing your damn best to convince her otherwise. Poor kid looked like she was about to cry.”

Eddie’s eyes shuttered closed at that, guilt gnawing a hole in his chest. He cracked another egg, watched it turn white over the heat. He really wanted a cigarette. 

The bell for the diner door rang, signalling the arrival of customers, a bleary eyed bunch of business men that looked like they were from out of town. Their suits were too sharp, close shaven beards and briefcases making them look like sore thumbs against the garish decor and sticky booth seats. Both boy’s watched you approach their table, smiling sweetly and nodding shyly as you scribbled down their orders. When you turned to head to the hatch, a piece of paper ready to be slapped onto the stainless steel bar, Eddie watched as the men eyed your behind, appreciative faces and shared whispers about the way your legs looked in your dress. 

He cracked another egg, eyes narrowed, chest tighter than before. 

“Say sorry,” Steve finalised the conversation with a friendly slap to Eddie’s shoulder as he passed him. You were only a few tables away, head ducked down, eyes hidden as you approached. Steve looked serious as he said, “fix it.”

—————

By the time the clock hit eleven am, Jonathan was coaxing you into going for your break, handing your orders to Steve as he cleared the table your customers just left. He waved away your protests, voice quiet and soft as he handed you the dollar notes that were left for you beside a ketchup stain. 

“I’ve got it,” he tsked. “Go on, go get some food or somethin’.”

So you smiled and pulled off your apron as you headed through the back, already sipping on a glass of lemon water you’d poured yourself at the bar. You could hear Steve greet a family at the front door, all charm and sweetness, and the radio in the kitchen was still playing. Breakfast was almost over but the place still smelled sweet, syrup and cinnamon, cooked pancakes and fresh bread, maple bacon that the diners always ordered an extra plate of. 

Argyle was at the sink, washing a pot and he smiled as you walked across the tiles. “Wassup Chicago town?” There were bubbles on his arms, a walkman clipped to the waistband of his chef whites and headphones around his neck. “You lookin’ for Eddie?”

You frowned without meaning to, wondering if you could get away with pinching some leftover breakfast without anyone realising. Jim didn’t mind, but Eddie was way too particular with his leftovers. 

“Uh, no,” you answered. “Should I be?”

“Think he was lookin’ for you.”

You didn’t get to ask anymore questions, or even laugh at the idea of the chef seeking you out, because Eddie was coming back out from the pantry with a new bag of sugar. His eyes flitted to you as he walked to his bench, cheeks a little pink and he sprinkled some of it over a bowl of chopped fruit before he said anything. He nodded to the stool he made you sit on the other day, the one at his station and it was only then you noticed there was a plate sitting. 

Two perfectly cooked eggs, sunny side up with a huge slice of orange that was arranged like a smile. There was a single blueberry in the middle of the plate, plucked from the bowl that Eddie placed beside it, finishing off the smiley faced breakfast. 

“You hungry?” Eddie murmured, his voice softer than it had been when you last ran into him. He kept his head bent, curls framing his brown eyes, lips twisted. “You didn’t have breakfast.” 

“Wh—?” Your lips parted, your apron still fisted in your hand and you rounded the station slowly, eyes on the boy like you were waiting for the joke to land. 

Eddie’s gaze shot from you to the stool and he tilted his chin once more. “Sit.” His demand wasn’t bossy, despite the bluntness. His voice was so much more gentle than you’d heard it before. The frown was still there, the stitch between his brows but his eyes looked softer, honeyed caramel, brown sugar, the stickiest kind of toffee. “Gonna get cold.”

So you sat, looking behind you to glance at Argyle, wondering if this was strange enough for him to take notice too. Sure enough, the boy had stopped scrubbing, his hands still in the hot water as steam rose up around his confused face. He was watching the both of you, eyes glancing between you and Eddie as he tried to work out what was happening. 

Eddie turned his back on you as you stared down at the meal he’d made you, eyes still wide and something inside of you sank at the idea of his walking away. But he spun back, a fork and knife in his hand, wrapped in a napkin. He didn’t hand them to you, but he slid them across the counter, his expression neutral - you couldn’t work him out. 

“Thank you,” you whispered and Eddie nodded. You wondered if Steve and Jonathan got their breakfast made for them when they went on break, if they came into the kitchen to a bowl of fresh fruit - mangoes and berries and brightly coloured slices of citrus. You thought it would be best not to ask. “Looks good.”

Eddie hummed and nodded, waiting until you picked up your cutlery and unfurled it from the wrapping. He made his leave then, cheeks pink, curls going a little frizzy in the heat and he ducked away, picking up a crate that he took into the freezer, the large door thumping behind him. 

The napkin fell to the table as you took out your fork, marvelling over the way the yolk burst perfectly as you dug in, golden liquid pooling across your plate. You picked up the blueberry nose before it got caught, popping it into your mouth and humming at the flavour. And when you looked down, there was a word scrawled across the napkin, faded black ink on white tissue. 

“Sorry.”

—————

Eddie made sure he waited long enough for you to be gone by the time he appeared from the walk-in, nose red with the cold, skin goose pimpled under his uniform - because fucking hell, why did he decide to hide in the freezer? He came back out warily, keeping his back against the tiled wall as he peered around the corner. You were gone from his station, your twenty minute break already over and he could see your empty plate and bowl stacked at the sink beside Argyle.  

He squared his shoulders and tried to act normal as he stomped back into his kitchen, frown set back on his face but his heart was thundering. It made him feel ill, the way his chest got right, the way his stomach flipped. His station was clear of your plates, but you’d left the napkin there, the corner of it tucked under a plastic quart container so it didn’t float away. 

There, in your much neater handwriting and the pink pen you liked to take orders with, was a reply to the boy’s scrawled apology. 

“Thank you.”

Eddie stared at the words for too long, until the rosy coloured ink went blurry and his cheeks turned the same shade. He wasn’t sure where you’d gone, but he could smell perfume he assumed was yours, lingering between the stacks of chopped strawberries, the halved mango on the counter. 

“You got a crush, my friend?” 

Eddie’s head snapped up, a scowl set back on his face instinctually. He liked Argyle, he didn’t mind him at all, but the boy was standing by the sink and was looking at him knowingly. Argyle grinned and raised his brows, waiting for Eddie to answer. 

“What? No.” Eddie slammed the napkin back down on the desk. Argyle was still grinning. “Shut up.” Eddie waited until the other boy returned to the dishes before he took the napkin and folded it up, tucking it into his pocket. 

He’d bin it later, he told himself. It wasn’t a big deal. 

—————

The day Eddie was scheduled off on the rota was a much busier day. It seemed like bad luck, the main cook’s day off coinciding with the monthly farmers market that was set up in Hawkin’s Main Street. The square was filled with stalls, fresh fruit and vegetables in crates, the smell of homemade soap, lavender and rose on the breeze. The tiny storefronts helped funnel the crowds in the direction of the diner, lines of cars driving to the restaurant for breakfast, their trunks full of fresh goods and Mrs Sinclair’s apple pie slices. 

It meant your day went too fast, the tips good and the chance of a break slim. Argyle was pushed to his limit, the freezer used more than ever as the full tables called for a quicker turnaround, the frozen burger patties being used instead of the way Eddie liked to make each one fresh. But Eddie wasn’t here and you certainly weren’t thinking about him, so he didn’t need to know. And when your shift ended at five, the dinner rush was just as crazy so you stayed on until six and helped Nancy clear a table of twelve guests, two families from out of town that had too many kids and there were lines of coloured crayon along the walls that just wouldn’t shift until you gave in and brought out a bottle of bleach. 

She was grateful enough that she split the table’s tip with you, something you tried to wave away but she insisted and stuffed the dollar bills into the front of your apron, not caring about the stains, the dryer grease, the spilled coffee there. Nancy looked just as undone as you. But it had been a good day - you missed the chance to eat, and maybe get something made for you by Eddie - but you had enough cash rolled up in your purse to start a new stack in your freezer at home and the bus back into town should be due any min—

The bus rolled past before you could get to the stop, the tires squeaking in protest as it passed you by, your feet not able to take you out of the parking lot quick enough. And it was still fine, there was still a little light in the sky, that navy-lilac kinda way that told you nightfall was coming soon, or maybe rain. Maybe both. 

So you pulled the strap of your bag across your chest and wished your uniform wasn’t as starchy and tight, ‘cause the heat still lingered even in the evening, warmth collecting in the shadows even as indigo coloured clouds rolled in above. The rain didn’t hit until ten minutes into your walk, a Misty drizzle that had you scrunching your face until it turned into a downpour. A heavy summer storm where thunder shouted at you from the distance, way out across the cornfields and making the sky flash white. You ran down the sidewalk where there weren’t many places to stop, to shelter and you suddenly wished more than ever that you still had your shitty old car that you barely needed to use when you lived in Chicago. 

But the garage was coming up, a familiar building with peeling red paint on its walls and a huge shutter that was already closed a third of the way. You hoped and prayed that Wayne was still around, wondering if it would be too cheeky to ask if you could finally take him up on the offer of that ride he once asked if you needed. Weeks of passing by and waving to him - and offering a snickerdoodle from the box you once took into work for Jonathan’s birthday - had built up a quiet sort of friendship. 

The garage was quiet and the bell sounded as you pushed open the door, the workshop floor stained with oil and paint, leftover footprints that would never clean off. Cars sat asleep, some with their hoods up, engines ripped out and dismantled on the floor, and thank god, there was still a light on in the office. A warm glow through a window, the outline of a man sorting through papers and his head lifted when he heard you bump into the side of a workbench, a tool you didn’t know the name of clattering to the floor. 

You winced and raised your hand in a greeting and an apology. “Sorry, hi— I just— it’s raining.”

Wayne laughed after he got over his surprise, beckoning you in with an oil stained hand. His tiny office smelled like gas and burnt tires but his smile was as friendly and tired as it always was. “Miss the bus?” He asked. 

You nodded, crossing your arms over your chest. Out of the summer air, the garage was cooler and you were drenched, goosebumps trailing across your forearms. “Drove right by me.”

Wayne tutted, sympathetic and he pushed what looked like a stack of invoices into a tray for tomorrow. “That’ll be that Hagan boy, never should’ve been allowed the job. Doesn’t pay any darned attention to nobody.” The man patted down his pockets, searching for his keys. “Jus’ gimme a minute and I’ll drop you off, think the boy took my damn keys. Hey, son—”

Another figure appeared in the doorway, cutting off Wayne’s call. This man was tall and broad shouldered, with dark curls that weren’t tied back. They hit his shoulders, wild strands springing around brown eyes that quickly widened at the sight of you. 

“What the fuck are you doin’ here?”

“Hey!” Wayne snapped with a frown. He whacked the boy’s shoulder with a rolled up newspaper he grabbed from his desk. “That’s no way to speak to a lady. I raised you better than that, you little delinquent.”

Eddie looked astonishingly different out of his chef whites and your surprise showed on your face. Out of his uniform, you could see more skin, more ink. Tattoos curling around his forearms and creeping up towards his biceps, black leaking across lithe muscles that you didn’t get to see at work. He was all dark, black jeans with rips in the knees, a black T-shirt that was well worn, the band logo on the front unrecognisable from wear and from the fact that your music taste was wildly different. 

Jewellery he didn’t get to wear glitter on him, silver rings on almost every finger, skulls and orjer horned things around his knuckles, a silver chain peeking out from underneath his collar. There was a hole in the hem of his shirt, heavy scuff marks on his big boots. He was still scowling at you though, a familiar sight that made him look more like the Eddie you knew. 

You glanced at Wayne, still confused as to why he was scolding the line cook from your work. You looked back to Eddie, lips trying to wrap around an explanation. He made you feel like you weren’t supposed to be here. “I— the bus. I missed the bus.” You swallowed, an awful shyness coming over you, or maybe it was nerves. “It’s raining.”

The weather was making itself known as the storm closed in, heavy, fat drops of rain pounding on the tin roof of the garage, a deafening roar that only got heavier. 

“Yeah, no shit.” Eddie called back, raising his voice to be heard over the din and his cheek got him another smack from Wayne. 

“You better hope I don’t find out you talk like that in the kitchen, boy,” Wayne pointed an accusatory finger at Eddie, to which the boy merely rolled his eyes at. “I’ll ask Jim, he’ll tell me.” When Eddie didn’t reply, Wayne pulled on his jacket and set about collecting more sheets of paper. He asked Eddie for his keys and pocketed them before saying, “Ed’s, be a good ‘un and take my friend here home, yeah? I gotta finish up this mess.”

When Eddie raised his brows and dropped his jaw, you were pretty sure your expression was the same. Except you were burning, both at the embarrassment of Wayne being so sweet and the idea of having to spend time with Eddie alone. 

“Friend?” Eddie scoffed. “Since when?”

You wanted the floor to open up below you. “I can, I can just walk.” You jammed a thumb at the door, at the torrential rain that was still falling angrily outside of it. “I think the rain has stopped…”

Thunder bellowed from above. A leak in the corner of the work floor dripped onto an old tire. Wayne stared at you both, unimpressed. 

And that’s how you ended up in the passenger seat of Eddie’s van. 

[wooahaes]

i can't run away

pairing: non-idol!vernon x fem!reader [ft. changbin + minho skz, youngtaek golden child, among others]

genre: college au. angst. unrequited love (best friends growing apart).

word count: 13.5k~

warnings: angst. two idiots pining for each other and doing nothing about it. reader gets harassed at one point while at a party (off screen, only mentioned). food + alcohol mentions throughout. reader having a disrespectful roommate + mentions of sex (via reader getting repeatedly kicked out of her dorm room by a roommate w no heads up). loss of major friendship. slight health scare within reader's family. reader crying several times throughout. mentions of break-ups. abandonment via ditched plans (multiple times). growing up, growing apart. ask to add additional warnings.

daisy's notes: i've had this planned for a While now. sequel fic with a happy ending to come.

Your college years were meant to be this big step forward in life. Maybe that was why you were panicking so much the night before move-in day.

As you laid in bed, you mentally went back over everything. Your move-in time was early in the morning tomorrow, which meant you needed to get to sleep soon so that you wouldn’t be too much of a hassle for your parents to deal with come morning. Everything had always been packed away nice and neat and, aside from a few last minute things, was completely ready to go. You had checked everything twice before you and your family packed things up, and the bare walls and, well, everything of your room was enough proof for you. It wasn’t like you had the car packed slam full—but you took everything you would need. Some decorations for your side of the room, your clothing, school supplies… You weren’t the kind of person who hoarded things. Therefore everything you had was in that car. Your parents would be driving you to campus and helping you unpack, and then leaving you there to rely on public transportation within the city. Not that you minded: you liked not having to worry about gas prices. Despite the fact you knew everything was taken care of, all you could do was stare up at the faded glow-in-the-dark stars on your ceiling with this ugly pit of dread in your stomach.

Beside your head, your phone buzzed with a text, screen lighting up. Against the background of you and him smushed into the same frame (a selfie from your movie night a few weeks ago), Vernon was asking if you were still awake.

[baja blast 🚀] god you’re insufferable

[baja blast 🚀] what if i WAS asleep rn? huh?

[mr chwe 👽] you’ll live :)

[mr chwe 👽] i’m outside btw

[mr chwe 👽] also not to bribe you but i brought taco bell.

Shoving your blankets off of you, you made your way to your window to see that Vernon was, in fact, standing outside. He squinted up at your window before smiling proudly, holding up the bag triumphantly while not even risking the drinks in the cup holder he was carrying. He looked so, so stupidly proud of himself. Despite how your heart raced a little at the sight of your long-time best friend cheesing at you, you rolled your eyes and fought back a smile. You wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of making you happy this soon. Snagging your hoodie from your nearby chair, you made your way downstairs and out of the house. Soon enough, you were sitting next to your best friend, watching him carefully dish out your food.

“We’re still getting breakfast tomorrow, right?”

Completely unrelated to your friendship, which had been set in stone since middle school, Vernon just so happened to be going to the same college as you. While you had been excited over your own program, Vernon had caught sight of their film program and practically fell in love with it (although you couldn’t remember all the details he gushed to you about). Plus he guessed the added bonus of having you around did sweeten the deal a little bit. The two of you had decided to get breakfast tomorrow morning after you both moved into your dorms… Although you knew Vernon pretty well at this point. He’d already met two of his roommates. One of them was some education major named Boo Seungkwan, who Vernon had already said he’d introduce you to sometime. The other was Seo… something. You couldn’t recall his given name, but he was ‘chill enough’ according to Vernon. 

You tore open a sauce packet, giving a casual shrug. “If your roommates don’t steal you away first.”

“Hey, no, c’mon,” he lightly kicked you. “If they wanna come, then I’m fine with it if you are. I think you’re really gonna love Seungkwan. He’s super nice.”

Not more than I love you, you know, you had wanted to say. Instead, you shoved the thought back. The two of you had been friends for years at this point and you’d managed to hide your crush pretty damn well, so you didn’t need for it to start getting in the way now. And, sure, said crush had only developed two years ago (something about the sight of your best friend being ready to throw hands with your shitty ex-boyfriend was enough to endear you to him for life), but Vernon was always your best friend first. There was no way you were going to destroy your friendship with him by confessing. College would be different, you were sure of it. Somehow, you would find a way to move on and keep your bond safe.

But what if I want you to myself for another day? What then, Vernon?

You looked back up at him, licking sauce off of your fingers from where it spilled over your food and onto them. “You really haven’t met the other guy yet?” 

He looked up at you, one hand adjusting the band of his beaning. “Who, Chan? Nah. I mean, he emailed me a couple times. Seems pretty nice, though. Apparently he’s this super smart whiz kid who graduated early, so he’s younger than me and Seungkwan. Same age as Changbin, though.”

Changbin. You nodded along, committing the name to memory. Seo Changbin. Lee Chan. Boo Seungkwan. You chewed slowly, acutely aware of how perfectly Vernon knew your order by now. Same way you knew his. “Anything else?”

Vernon shook his head, only to stop dead in his tracks. “Oh, shit, wait—” He reached into his pockets, snagging his phone from it. “Apparently he’s this hot-shot dancer who’s set on joining the guys dance team. I found him on YouTube at some dance competition—he’s good.”

You’d already heard about the dance team. It wasn’t easy to get into, but that was due to the team being pretty damn legendary since several famous choreographers now came from there. Allegedly, the current dance captain of the guy’s team was remarkable strict when it came to performing every since he took over the role last year (something Hoseok—you’d never cared for the team because you couldn’t join, so you never committed the name to memory), but they were thriving nonetheless. Rumor said he was already being offered a job with some huge company to choreograph for idols. He was strict, but definitely not without reason if that were the case. Sure enough, Vernon was true to his word: this Chan guy was talented. 

“What about you?” Vernon asked after he set his phone down. “You’ve only got the one roommate. What’s she like?”

Ah, yes. The pre-med major you knew next to nothing about because she barely responded to your emails—which, truthfully, wasn’t a huge deal. She seemed pretty nice from what you could gather, but you only imagined she’d be busy since she offhandedly said she’d be spending most of her time in the library. Honestly, you didn’t mind it as much. Whereas you’d be staying in a smaller room with a single roommate and a communal bathroom, Vernon would have a suite with a shared bathroom between the two rooms. Maybe if you could trust the four guys to keep it clean (you’d seen Vernon’s room growing up—you just hoped at least one or two of the others were cleaner than him), you’d be fine with sleeping over once or twice for movie nights with Vernon. Something told you that Vernon’s friendship with Seungkwan was going to be different than whatever you had with your roommate. Apparently the two were talking way more than the few messages you’d exchanged with your own roommate. 

Not that you were jealous, of course. (Maybe you were a little of how easily they were getting along.)

“It doesn’t feel real yet, y’know?” You broke the comfortable silence that had grown between the two of you. “College, I mean.”

He nodded along, leaning against one of the posts on your front porch. “I get it,” he said after a long sip from his cup of soda. “It’s weird. Kinda still feels like we just met yesterday.”

Sixth grade science class, the first class you ever took in middle school. Your teacher had decided to randomly generate her seating chart, and the two of you had ended up at that same table. Call it chance or fate, you were glad either way. Vernon had liked spaceships you doodled on your notes, and quietly asked if you believed in aliens. You had looked at him, staring for a little too long and apparently scaring the shit out of him (he confessed that he’d been terrified you were about to chew him out), and confirmed that you definitely did… and the rest was pretty much history. Although you weren’t a hundred percent sure of your stance on aliens anymore (the universe was huge, you weren’t sure if you were entirely alone in it), the two of you had kept the emojis as a reminder of where the two of you began. A rocket by your name in Vernon’s phone with rotating remarks (baja blast was the most recent after you choked on it due to some stupid meme he’d shown you), and he’d always have some variation of his own name (Mr. Chwe after your karaoke night where you dragged him into singing “Mr. Chu” with you) with that little alien emoji right next to it.

“I’m glad you’re in this with me.” The words tumbled out of your mouth before you’d even fully processed them, and you suddenly looked up to figure out what you needed to do next. Apologize? Distract him? Kiss him, if this were a movie? Vernon just sat there, staring at you with slightly parted lips. 

Then he blinked, realizing you were watching him, and threw on that charmer smile he sometimes used when flirting with girls. “Yeah,” he said, a little distant as he started to pack up the trash from your late-night meal. “Same. We’re gonna destroy this campus, y’know?”

You’d just laughed at him, making some jab that you wouldn’t remember in a few weeks before you moved to help him clean up. He’d toss the garbage once he got home as he tucked the other crunchwrap he’d bought (for Sofia, no doubt—even for a meal with you, he was always thinking of her) into the front pocket of his hoodie. You stood on your front porch, watching him walk down to the end of your driveway before turning back. He waved at you, and all you could do was smile and wave back before heading back inside. 

True to his word, Vernon got breakfast with you that following morning after the two of you had moved into your dorms. He brought along Seungkwan (the only roommate who had moved in—Chan and Changbin would be moving into their room later), who seemed to get along with, well, anyone who spoke to him for more than a few seconds. You had listened as Vernon started talking about this record store off campus that he’d apply to work for so he’d have extra spending money (“Y’know, for dates and stuff?”), making your own mental list of the places you applied to work at both on and off campus. 

Weirdly enough, when you watched the animated way Seungkwan and Vernon spoke to one another, you felt this odd sinking feeling in your chest. But instead you decided to wash it down with a coke and rejoin the conversation, Seungkwan all too happy to include you in his music talk.

Freshman year, a few months in, and Vernon had already invited you to an off-campus party.

He’d meshed well with several of the sophomores in his general education courses, and that had been his “in” to this kind of thing. He’d told you a bit about them, and that some guy named Seokmin was the one who invited him along. When Vernon asked if he could invite you along, Seokmin seemed completely on board—the more the merrier, apparently—and said he’d pick the two of you up wherever Vernon told him to. Which, turns out, to be your dorm. The night of the party left Vernon lying on your bed as you looked through your wardrobe, your roommate out for the night, studying yet again. You were just trying to find something nice to wear.

You let out a sigh. “I don’t know about this, dude,” you said, pushing aside your shirts to find a decent one for a party. Whereas Vernon stood on that line between introvert and extrovert, you were a little more introverted and it seemed to show in your wardrobe in that stereotypical way. You preferred comfier clothing to the traditional “party” attire other people sometimes wore whenever they felt like (no shade to them to be fair: they rocked the look). Unfortunately for you, it left you a little out of luck for parties. One of your new friends, Minho, had even pegged you as being more of a bookish introvert from your wardrobe alone. At least it meant you were comfortable in class. “You said this party is gonna be huge.” 

“And I’ll be right there with you the entire time,” he said. “C’mon. How many parties have you gone to already?”

There was this soft, pale blue sweater sitting in front of you that Vernon had bought for your birthday last year. It wasn’t expensive or anything, but… did you want to risk it at a college party? Sure, you could get any stains out if you needed to, even if you had to stay up all night to do it. You sighed. “Zero.”

“And how many have I invited you to?”

“I dunno. Four? Most of the time you run off with your buddies and forget all about me.”

“I don’t forget,” he said, frowning. “I only invite you when I know you aren’t busy. You’re the one who signed up for an extra class during the first week—I don’t wanna bother you when I know you’re studying.”

Of course Vernon was thinking of you. Despite his thoughtfulness, you pouted as you looked over your shoulder at him. “Close your eyes so I can change or I’m gonna change my mind about going.”

Wordlessly, he turned over onto his side, and the mattress groaned underneath him as he did. He settled, and didn’t move any further, giving you the chance to strip your shirt off and drop it into the bottom of your closet, staring at your shirts again. Shit, which one…?

“It’s nothing I haven’t seen before,” he said, quiet enough that you weren’t sure whether you were supposed to hear him or not.

Maybe he had a slight point there. The two of you were close. You had changed in front of him plenty of times before without thinking about it—hell, you didn’t even care when the two of you were in your early teens. You’d go to the pool with him and strip off your cover-up before an adult scolded you for it, saying something about how it wasn’t “proper” for girls to do that kind of thing around boys. Why did Vernon get to pull his shirt off, but you had to go to a changing room? You’d always despised it, but maybe it was for the best now. If people saw you and Vernon like this, they’d ask you what the two of you were. If he was your boyfriend or not. You weren’t exactly ready to confront those feelings and feel the bitter sting of rejection quite yet. Plucking a band t-shirt from a hangar, you stared down at it before looking at Vernon… and then you tossed it at him, pulling on that baby blue sweater instead and deciding to change into a nice pair of jeans quickly. People might give you looks, but you were genuinely the kind of person who got cold easily. You didn’t need to give Vernon an excuse to push his jacket onto you, too, always insisting that you stay warm. 

His phone dinged a moment later. “Oh, shit,” he sat up, “Hao’s outside.”

You looked up from where you were stepping into a pair of black jeans. “Hao?”

“Hao’s one of the guys—” Vernon turned around without thinking, only to immediately whip back around to give you privacy. “There’s Minghao, the philosophy major. Super smart dude. Seokmin’s the theater guy who invited us to this, aaand Mingyu, who’s still stuck between a couple things but he said he’d make up his mind before the end of the semester.”

“Is anyone I know going to be there?”

“Seungkwan’s coming,” Vernon said. “Chan’s busy with a paper. You’ll be stuck in the back with me, though.”

“Gross,” you stuck your tongue out. “You sure I can’t talk Seungkwan into switching?”

He rolled his eyes, throwing your shirt back at you as he hid his smile. “You know you love me.”

You flopped onto the space next to Vernon so that you could pull on one of your boots, and he looked at you with a smile. “So you always say.”

After lacing up your boots, the two of you made your way down to the van that was awaiting the two of you. Introductions happened after you were both squared away in the back. You did notice that Seungkwan gave Mingyu a look when he asked if the two of you were really just friends. Had he been able to do it more secretly, maybe Seungkwan would have kicked him for it. But you were more focused on learning a little more about Vernon’s friends. Minghao was a dancer on that prestigious dance team alongside Chan and a few other guys that Vernon knew, and he’d met Vernon through his philosophy class (he’d once been a literature major, only to switch at the end of freshman year). Seokmin had met him in the dining hall one day, inviting him over when he was about to eat alone since you were in a lecture, and the two seemed to hit it off pretty well—which led to Vernon meeting Mingyu. Seungkwan had already known Mingyu from a class the two had shared, and he’d known Seokmin through the school choir. It made you feel a little self conscious that the only person who really knew you here was Vernon (as you only knew Seungkwan through him). But Vernon’s shoulder had bumped into your own, and it reassured you. Making friends would be easier if you just talked to them a little more. That was why you were coming with him: to meet people.

Unfortunately for you, the party was pretty fucking packed. Vernon had swore on the ride over that if he wasn’t with you, then one of his friends would be watching your back. He knew how shitty people could be to girls at parties, and he seemed intent on staying close to keep you safe. With a hand at the middle of your back, he’d introduced you to a few people he already knew. From across the crowded room, he could hear someone yelling his name (some dude named Seungcheol who he knew from work), and Vernon had excused himself from you to go say hi. Vernon would introduce him to you some other time when Seungcheol was… well, sober. He’d carried off his red solo cup of beer and felt Seungcheol throw an arm around his shoulder the moment he was close enough to, already introducing himself to a couple other seniors—Jeonghan and Joshua. 

Time slipped through his fingers like the beer in his cup, though, and it took several drinks for Vernon to realize… He couldn’t see you anywhere. Fuck. He’d gotten carried away with talking to Joshua (who had been abstaining from drinking that night—he was there to watch Jeonghan and Seungcheol) about the States that at some point, he stopped glancing back to check on you. Seungcheol had already teased him one too many times about “that girl he obviously likes” while giving some tips on how to hook up with you (out of the question: Vernon liked you too much and knew you too well to try and treat you so casually) that he’d stopped looking so often. Somewhere along the way, you’d just disappeared at some point. He excused himself from the conversation, glancing at his phone to realize just how long he’d been talking to them. He avoided the occupied bedrooms, knocking on bathrooms and calling your name, pushing through people-heavy rooms in an attempt to see that baby blue sweater.

“Oh, her?” Seokmin had said when Vernon finally found him and Minghao in the kitchen. “She left. I told you maybe half an hour ago.”

Vernon furrowed his brow. He hadn’t even seen Seokmin… hadn’t he? “What?”

Seokmin glanced around, and guided a little further into the kitchen to get away from the loud music, right next to where an open window was.. The cool night air hit his warmed skin, and Seokmin’s gaze could have sobered him up alone. “She told me she was going to get an Uber and went home,” he repeated. “Weren’t you listening?”

Vernon scrambled for his phone again. “Yeah,” he lied, “totally. Just wanted to make sure you remembered…”

[ mr headphones 👽] did you get back safe?

Seokmin glanced from Vernon’s face to the illuminated screen, not bothering to try and read it. “Right,” he said. “I’m going back inside. She’s probably fine. Mingyu’s been outside—You can ask him if he saw her leave.” 

Vernon barely responded, and Seokmin merely merged back into the conversation with Minghao. He dumped his drink into the sink, and made his way outside instead. Fuck, you’d left early? And you didn’t even tell him anything? If you weren’t having fun, he would have ditched this place to be with you. Wherever you wanted to go, he’d follow. What was the point of bringing you out if you were miserable the entire time? He stared down at his phone, tapping his foot as he waited for something—even the response bubble with those three little dots—to pop up in your texts. He should call you. But his head was still fuzzy from the alcohol in his system. He scratched the back of his neck, moving further away from the doors. Maybe he shouldn’t have drank tonight to begin with. Not when you were with him. He kicked himself for even inviting you out. Parties weren’t your thing—not big ones like this, anyway. You were fine in situations where you knew people, he’d just thrown you to the sharks and then entirely fucked off because Seungcheol called him over.

Maybe he should have just set up a movie night for the two of you like he wanted to. And… if Seungkwan or Chan had wanted to join, they could have. It could be like old times again.

[🚀] 👍

He breathed a sigh of relief as soon as the message popped up. You were fine. Most likely, you’d made it back to campus and gone up to your room, and then taken a shower. Vernon leaned back against the wall, letting his head fall back against the brick as he shut his eyes. There were other parties he could have taken you to, other parties with less people than this one. This place was too cramped, too crowded, and you were probably getting overheated in that stupid cute sweater you loved wearing so much. You were too pretty in it for him to say otherwise, though, even though he felt like it was a bad idea when drunk idiots could spill their shitty beer all over it. 

Minghao had finally found him again outside while he was rounding up the people he was responsible for. How long had he stood outside, bobbing his head to the blasting music he could still hear—albeit muffled—from where he stood? He kept staring down at his phone screen and that singular emoji from you, this nagging feeling in the back of his head. He wasn’t sure how long, but it’d been long enough for Minghao to drag him back to the car where the others were. Seungkwan was silently toying with the paper wrapper of the water bottle someone (Minghao, he’d find out barely a minute later: he carried them with him for the drunk idiots he had to get home) had pressed into his hands. Seokmin was still giggling about something, apparently having drank more since Vernon last saw him. Mingyu kept whispering things to Seokmin that’d send him into further giggles. In the back of that van, Vernon suddenly felt your absence way more. On the drive over, he’d been showing you stupid memes and cat videos he’d been compiling in a playlist for you. He’d heard your laugh, and felt the weight and warmth of your body as it pressed against his. Now all he could smell was the reek of alcohol and Seokmin’s laugh, alongside the feeling of Seungkwan staring at him every so often, lips pressed tight together.

It wasn’t until long after they were back at the dorm that Seungkwan finally spoke up. He’d been standing next to him in the bathroom, cleaning his face while Vernon was brushing his teeth. “Is she okay?”

Vernon looked up with a muffled “hmpfh?” in response. He’d sobered up more since Minghao brought him back, walking the two up to the entrance of their building and making them promise to drink more water once they got to their room. One movie later, and Vernon’s head finally felt a little clearer than it did before.

“Your friend.” Seungkwan paused, and then said your name after a moment. “Someone kept harassing her at the party. He only left her alone once I stepped in, but she left after that happened.” 

Vernon spat hard into the sink, wiping his mouth with his sleeve and whipping around to face Seungkwan. “What?”

“Ew.” Seungkwan wrinkled his nose as he glanced at Vernon’s sleeve, but let whatever he wanted to say next. He turned back to himself in the mirror, “Minghao offered to drive her home, but she turned it down in case one of us needed him. She said she’d get an Uber, and he went outside to wait until he saw her get in. I think he said he got her number and told her to text him as soon as she was home safely.” 

… Why hadn’t you said any of that to him? Fuck, why didn’t you find him when that guy was messing with you? He would have outright told him to go fuck himself and to leave you alone. He looked at the time on his phone again and scowled: it was far too late to call you. If Seungkwan had mentioned it earlier… No. It wasn’t Seungkwan’s fault. Vernon would just text you in the morning and get breakfast with you as an apology for not being there for you when you needed him (and talk to you about what happened, if you were willing).

Sure enough, you’d agreed, and the two of you agreed to meet at this quaint little place off campus. He sat across from you, watching as you tore the paper off of your straw with this content smile. You pushed it into your cup of orange juice and looked up at him with his gleeful look in your eyes, always happy to start a morning like this. Any other time, he’d find it cute and your love of the drink endearing. But now…

“Hey…” He said. “Why didn’t you find me last night?”

“Hm?” You looked up at him, lips wrapped around your straw as you took a long sip. A moment later, you set the cup back down. “I didn’t want to bother you. Did you have fun? You guys looked like you were.”

“That’s not important,” he said. “Seungkwan told me some guy kept harassing you.”

Your smile fell, and you sank back into the cushioned seat. “You… You looked really into the conversation you were having with that guy. I didn’t want to interrupt.” 

He sighed, “That doesn’t matter—” Vernon’s eyes met yours, and he frowned at you. “You’re my best friend. If some asshole is bothering you, you should tell me. We’re supposed to have each other’s backs.”

“I was fine, Vernon,” you said. “I wasn’t having fun, so that’s why I left. You fit into parties like that way better than I do. I don’t even know why you bothered inviting me.”

I asked you to come because I wanted you there, Vernon wanted to say. Deep down, he hoped to maybe show you off a little. To have someone maybe try and ask outright if you were his girlfriend (someone that wasn’t Mingyu, who he could chalk it up as Mingyu teasing him), and maybe use that to break into that conversation. The “are we just friends?” conversation he’d been wanting to have with you, yet kept shying away from because what if he misread all of it? The two of you were close. It’d taken him forever to figure out his feelings for you, and he was sure you felt… something to him. You hadn’t seen anyone else since classes started, at least. And he hadn’t seen anyone either. Maybe…

Maybe he was waiting for you to take that first step. Whether it was you telling him that he wasn’t being stupid and that you liked him back, or you straight up kissing him… He needed that sign in neon lights. He wasn’t going to gamble and fuck this up. 

“Still…” His foot nudged yours underneath the table. “I care about you a lot, y’know? If you aren’t having fun, then we’ll go do something else.” He paused, and extended his pinkie out to you. “We’re a pair.”

There was that pretty smile he loved so much. You rolled your eyes a second later, locking your pinkie around his own. “Yeah,” you said. “We’re a pair… But you’re still paying for our pancakes.”

(Fuck, he loved you too much.)

Vernon stopped inviting you to parties. 

It took you a little longer than it should have to realize it, considering it had been a few months since then. He’d go out, post pictures and status updates on his social media of and about him and his friends and whatever they were up to. That didn’t mean he stopped inviting you places altogether: he just started making different plans for you. Smaller get-togethers with his (and your) friends, things that were more comfortable for you. Seungkwan always treated you kindly whenever you came around, happy to keep you involved in the conversation whenever he noticed it was veering a little too off to one side. Sometimes Chan would join in, and Changbin—the other roommate, who you actually ended up befriending pretty easily—did, too. Sometimes you’d invite Minho along, too. Your little group would either go out on the weekends, finding something fun to do within the city. Other times, you would all curl up in their suite and watch movies together (or play games—Chan had a Switch and the extra controllers so that you could all play alongside him). You’d never forget waking up next to Vernon during finals week. The two of you had been studying for the psychology class that you shared. For a moment, you wondered if this was what your life could look like if you just told him. But you’d seen how feelings could ruin a friendship: two of your friends in high school had broken apart because one confessed their unreciprocated feelings. They’d never been the same. You wouldn’t let that be you and Vernon.

So you shoved your feelings aside again and again. Even now, as you were waiting alone in a fast food place for Vernon. He was standing toward the front, waiting for your order. This was supposed to be some kind of study session, actually: the two of you had a biology lab that you needed to work on that was due a few days from now. It was Vernon’s idea to do it over lunch. Unlike last semester, the two of you shared way more gen ed classes—save for your English one, although he was just in the other section for it.

Despite your confidence in your friendship with Vernon… You couldn’t help but wonder if maybe he pitied you a little more than he did before. You’d been fine with making friends in high school, but college? Aside from Vernon, you had to build things back up entirely. You had Lee Minho—he’d been in one of your gen ed classes last semester, and he was in your English class now—but that was the only real friend you’d made on your own. Then again, you kind-of talked to the guy in your Japanese class, Youngtaek. He’d confided with you during your first class that he could speak Japanese just fine, but the school wouldn’t let him test out of it, so he’d just take it as a boost to his GPA. He didn’t make fun of your confused pronunciations, either, always kindly correcting you before he slid you his number in case you needed his help. But… That was the extent of it. Sure, you knew Minho’s cats’ names, and you kind-of knew about Youngtaek’s other friends… That was it, though. You were still lost, trying to find your footing in this difficult time in life. Most of freshman year had slipped past you before you’d known it, and now you were just there. Still lost in who you were and what you really wanted in life. And now you knew that Vernon would cancel his plans with other people just to hang around you.

When did this all feel so complicated?

The sound of the tray hitting the table pulled you out of your thoughts, and Vernon slid into the other side of the booth. He started to dish out your respective meals, talking about the biology report that you’d honestly stopped caring about as he did so. Sitting next to the window meant you could see how pretty his eyes were when the sunlight hit them. You’d always thought Vernon had beautiful eyes, regardless of where the two of you were… But the way they looked when the sunlight hit them? That was the most beautiful thing you’d ever seen in your life. How did you manage to get a best friend who was not only handsome, but funny and sweet and—

“You good?”

Shit. You nodded. “Just thinking.”

He smiled a little, setting your drink in front of you before he put the tray aside. “Don’t worry about it. It’s just one lab report. We’ve got this.” 

Sometimes, you truly admired how confident he could be in your abilities… and the way he accidentally just gave you an out. “I guess I’m just thinking about the next lab,” you shrugged. “Dissection is…”

“Oh. Dude. We could totally ditch.”

You furrowed your brow as you looked up from where you were unwrapping your meal. “You sure? We only get one free pass in this class. Most people save it for the last lab.” 

“I mean… I don’t want to dissect shit. You don’t want to dissect shit. We’re only taking this course for the gen ed,” he shrugged. “I dunno. Maybe we could ditch and go see a movie or something.”

It reminded you of your senior year of high school together. The two of you ended up taking off in the middle of the day after Vernon found you upset, and you’d gone to an arcade instead. There was a polar bear plushie on your bed that you’d always kept from that day. And now he was willing to skip one of your biology labs for you. 

The two of you ended up braving the lab anyway. Even though neither of you were completely fine with dissecting, well, anything, the two of you managed to get through it pretty fine. Other people would have to deal with worse in the future, you were sure, but for two non-biology majors, just getting through it was fine. The two of you ended up going off to the movies afterward anyway as a tiny reward for not being cowards. In the back row of an empty theater, you rested your head on Vernon’s shoulder. A moment later, you felt his lean against yours.

At least you knew Vernon loved you in some way.

Sophomore year marked a slight change in everything. Life began to get in the way for you and Vernon. Whenever he was free, you often weren’t, and you always seemed to be free when he wasn’t. Sure, you could maybe stop by the record shop to talk to him for a few minutes whenever you wanted to see him, but it wasn’t the same as having a movie night at his and Seungkwan’s dorms (which they’d returned to again this year—although it was more communal rather than a suite). And you… You didn’t want Vernon coming to your dorms. 

The reason why? The same reason you were crying in the break room on your floor. The same fucking reason you were locked out of your dorm room for the third time in one week over the past few months. Your roommate was nice enough… when she was alone. Yet you’d heard her moaning when you came back up to get your textbooks, because you had a test coming up on Friday, and it was a major one. As nice as your roommate was, she never listened to you when you tried to set some kind of boundary like “can you give me a heads up before you start fucking your boyfriend in our dorm room?” considering she did this often. All you needed was a heads up so that you could get your shit and go somewhere else. It felt like you were never entirely alone in the dorm room for long: she or her boyfriend were always around. It wasn’t even as though she were studying in the room. They’d always fuck there, and your roommate never gave you any proper warning first despite the fact you’d always make it clear when something major was coming up and you needed to have some access to your study materials. 

Like you said: if she wanted to fuck her boyfriend, fine, but at least let you get your shit first. It wasn’t as if you had anywhere else to keep your books.

You tried to call Vernon for some kind of reassurance. Either he’d calm you down, or he’d bitch about your roommate’s rude behavior with you. He didn’t pick up, though, only texting back that he was busy at the moment. You buried your face in your hands, trying not to sob again. Even if you had your books, the library was always packed around this time. Where else could you study that was nice and quiet? Fuck, you knew your roommate, too: there was no way you’d be getting back in within the next few hours.

So you ended up texting Changbin, who’d grown closer with you over the break. He told you to just come on over to his apartment without any hesitation. You pulled yourself together, stopping in the bathrooms long enough to look yourself over and calm down before you left. Changbin’s apartment was just off campus, and you’d been enough times that you knew the way by heart. It was only a short bus ride and a walk, but it gave you plenty of time to calm down even further (even if you did end up crying again while waiting on the bus). By the time you came up, you’d seen where Changbin was making the couch up for himself. Youngtaek had been standing in the kitchen, making fried rice for himself when you came in. He’d greeted you warmly enough, yet noticed the fact that you only carried your school bag with you. What other clothing would you have? You’d all but collapsed onto the couch, and all it took was Changbin opening his arms to you for you to move into them.

Thank fuck for Changbin’s extensive workouts. Those big buff arms could crush you like a grape, but they meant Changbin was great for hugs. Involuntarily, you let out a groan into his shoulder, and felt the way they shook with a tiny chuckle.

“It’s okay,” he said, amusement lighting up his voice. “Just get it out.”

You squeezed him tight instead, face buried into his shoulder. Changbin might be one of the most huggable men you’d ever met, if you were honest. The other side of the couch dipped as Youngtaek sat down, bowl in his hands.

“Is it really that bad?”

You pulled away from Changbin’s arms to give Youngtaek a look that could kill. He didn’t seem to flinch, continuing to eat his food without much care. “I couldn’t care less if she has sex in our room,” you said. “I just care that she keeps having sex in our room in the middle of fucking week. She doesn’t even go to class some days! And I’ve straight up heard them fucking on the bed behind me when I’m trying to sleep. I called her out and she kept acting like I’m the stupid one for thinking that, and that I’m the pervert even though I woke up one night to hear her giggling about not waking me up. I told her I don’t care if she does it on the weekend or gives me a heads up so I can get my things and leave, but she never does! I always come back and the door’s locked and her boyfriend’s always moaning—”

Changbin just wordlessly pushed Gyu, his Munchlax plush, into your arms. You hugged him tight, and Changbin leaned forward to get a better look at your face. He slowly said your name, making you look back up. “Why don’t you move in with us?”

“Don’t you have another roommate?”

“He’s moving out in a few days,” Youngtaek said. “Something happened with his family. He said things are under control now, but he’s still going to transfer after this semester to somewhere closer to home. It’s not ideal circumstances, but for you… You’d be getting your own room.” He nodded toward the unlabeled door. “It’s small, like our rooms, but it’d be yours. You wouldn’t have to live on campus anymore, or share a room.” 

… Honestly, that didn’t sound bad at all. You hugged Gyu closer to your chest, thinking over it. “I’d have to talk to student housing, and return my key, and find someone who can help me move if I don’t just hire someone—”

“Wooyoung knows someone,” Changbins said. “I’ll ask him to talk to Yunho.”

Something about how quick both of them were to help you made your breath hitch, your heart swelling within your chest. All of a sudden, the frustration seemed to slip away, and you had begun to tear up. The stress had been building for weeks now of dealing with a roommate that never respected you—hell, it wouldn’t surprise you if she was just acting nice to your face. It made you miss your freshman roommate. At least she was nice to you and gave you a heads up when she was bringing friends over, since you always extended the same courtesy to her. The one time you tried to tell your current roommate that the room was yours too, she called you a prude for trying to stop her from having fun.

Hours later, Vernon called you while you were watching a movie with Youngtaek and Changbin. It wasn’t the studying you needed to be doing, but it was a nice alternative since you couldn’t. You’d stepped into Changbin’s room to answer, listening as Vernon mentioned that Seungkwan had seen you crying earlier at the bus stop. Your grip tightened a little around your phone. Shit, so Vernon knew that something was wrong, and you couldn’t dodge the subject easily.

“Roommate kicked me out again—”

“Again?!” He groaned. “Dude—You really need to talk to her. Get the RA involved.” 

“It’s fine,” you said. “I’ve already made plans.”

A pause on his end. “You wanna come over? I just got back from work, but I can maybe find a movie for us to watch—”

“It’s okay.” You leaned against the wall. “I’m at Changbin’s. He’s letting me take his room for the night.” For a moment, you hesitated. “... I think I’m going to move out of the dorms as soon as I can.”

“Wait, for real?”

Despite him being unable to see you, you nodded. “I already emailed student housing about it, so they’ll have to get back to me. I think I’m gonna at least pack a bag and bring some of my stuff over here in case I need an out. Binnie’s already texted one of his friends about helping me move out, since I think he knows someone with a big enough car for all of my stuff…” You let out a sigh. “I don’t think I’ll get my money back for this semester, but they should give me something for next semester since I won’t be living there.”

Vernon was quiet for a while. “You want some help?”

“Maybe,” you said. “I dunno how big the guy’s car is. I’ll keep you updated, alright?”

“You better.” He paused. “Is that all?”

You raised a brow. “Yeah?”

“That’s—I just wanted to know if anything else was wrong. That’s all.” 

“I’m fine, Vernon,” you said. “Thanks for calling. I’ll see you later, alright?”

It was an empty promise, you were sure. But you let him answer back with that casual, “Yeah, for sure,” before ending the call, as though it were something to hold each other to.

The next day, you confronted your roommate. No more sex until you had moved out. If she wanted to fuck her boyfriend while you were getting everything in order, then she could take it to his place. She’d been quiet for the longest time when you broke the news to her, and then apologized to you. It was… weird to see, to be honest. She said something about trying to change if it meant you wouldn’t move out, and that had raised one of the reddest flags you’d ever seen. At first, you couldn’t wrap your head around why she’d drop everything so quickly. The last time, she’d been quick to insult you for asking to have access to your own room, and this time…

Oh. She was hoping you’d break and change your mind. Well, fuck that. You’d pulled out one of your boxes and bought a roll of tape, and started getting your shit in order. Moving would suck, sure, but at least you wouldn’t be stuck in this dorm anymore. A new roommate might tell her outright to fuck off and learn how to share a room with another person instead of treating it like its her room alone. Maybe if you were a little bolder, you would have done it yourself. She was allowed to have sex if she wanted it: but it wasn’t her room alone, and it never had been. 

Within the next week, you were introduced to Wooyoung, who introduced you to Yunho in turn. Changbin hadn’t given either of them the full story past “my friend needs help moving out of her dorm because her roommate doesn’t respect her, can you help?” but that was fine with you. Changbin had been right there with you that day, too, to provide extra muscle in carrying your things. His other roommate had moved out over the weekend, which meant the room was ready for you. Although you tried to say that you didn’t need so many guys helping you move out, Changbin insisted further. That was what a good roommate did, after all: they were considerate.

(And, yes, he did say that while your roommate was curled up on her bed, watching your boxes slowly shrink in number.)

Youngtaek had been the one to suggest drafting up a roommate contract for the three of you once you got settled in. With your dorm room key turned in, and you receiving the key that Changbin and Youngtaek’s former roommate had, things felt a little more finalized. The two had a little housewarming celebration for you the night you moved in, and left you to start unpacking after you’d finished dinner with them. 

This was nice. Things were nice again.

You ended up inviting Vernon over after giving your new housemates the proper heads up, and that, too, was nice. Vernon had barely taken a look at you before he realized just how much happier you seemed to be. Between work and classes and… well, life itself, you guessed, things had finally started to feel a little more normal. Just as soon as he arrived, Seokmin was texting him about some other party that was happening tonight. You just hugged him tight and thanked him for stopping by. It was good to see his face, even for a few minutes.

It took several weeks of ditching you and canceling plans for Vernon to tell you what was going on.

“Well… There’s this girl…”

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck—How were you supposed to respond to that? You reached for your drink, taking a quick sip to hopefully buy you a little more time to think as he kept explaining. There was a really nice girl in one of his film classes, Ji-woo, and they’d been talking a lot lately. Whenever he couldn’t drag you along to a movie he needed to see for class, she invited him into her own little group… and then alone, after the first few times. From the look on his face alone, you were sure that he was crushing. There was this subtle smile that Vernon always had when he talked about people. The lovestruck look in his eyes, so fond of whoever he was talking about. 

“So you’re crushing pretty hard, huh?” was what you settled on after a while, cutting him off mid-conversation. Maybe it was selfish, but hearing him talk so highly about another person made your stomach churn.

He stared at you for a moment, and then kind of shifted into that cheesy, I-might-be-in-love smile, gaze averting from you. “Maybe. I dunno. I’m still getting to know her, and I don’t wanna do anything until I know I like her… I just…”

“Are you asking for my blessing, you dork?”

He snorted, picking up his drink. “I mean—What would you do?” 

Die, maybe, the dramatic part of your brain yelled. Don’t date her. I love you. Please let me prove it. 

“You already know the answer to that,” you said. “You’re my best friend. Of course I’d support you.” 

Vernon stopped chewing at the end of his straw, staring at you for what felt like far too long. “... Right,” he said. “Yeah, of course—What was I thinking?”

(That he’d know. That he’d take one look at you and finally know if you loved him back. Instead you’re looking at him like you always do.)

“Well… Hey. Good luck,” you nudged him with your foot. “Anyone would be lucky to have you, you know. If you want, I can give you a discount at the flower shop.” You rested your head in your hand, “I’ll just use my employee discount. Fuck the rules.” 

He laughed a little at that. “God, I love you.” 

And you loved him, too. He was your best friend, even if the word stopped fitting so well.

Barely a few weeks later, after the start of junior year, Vernon asked Ji-woo out. All you could say after a minute or two of bone-crushing silence was the weakest congratulations you’d ever given him.

(Youngtaek had been the one who held you as you refused to cry that night. He just wordlessly put his arms around you, squeezing you tight while you fought everything inside of you.)

And now, a little over a month, you were feeling the absence of Vernon in your life. It felt naive to think that it was fine at first, and that heartbreak you felt would be the end of feeling like shit. The ugly parts of grief and pain and disappointment in yourself were supposed to be over, right? Except now, you kept getting ditched for dates with Ji-woo. You knew that Vernon would focus on his relationship with her, and you told him that’d be fine. He liked her (at least, he said he thought he did—he was still figuring it out), at least enough to ask her out officially. No flowers, no fancy anything, he just asked her to be his girlfriend after that last date before he immediately told you the next day. You were his best friend, your relationship was set in stone: he was fully allowed to focus on the one that wasn’t.

Except, as you said, for the fact he kept fucking ditching you and it was starting to really hurt. At first, it had been movie nights at the theater where he promised to buy you popcorn to make up for the times before (Ji-woo had wanted to go to the arcade, and Vernon jumped at the opportunity). You had been left standing outside for almost half an hour before he finally remembered you existed. He’d called you that day, apologizing over and over before you asked if it was Ji-woo. When he said it was, you played the best friend as perfectly as you hoped you could and said you understood. Lots of people put their love life over their friendships in the beginning. That was what endless internet research told you at least. There were plenty of threads that said it would work itself out in time, that it was okay for you to take the back burner and just remind your friend you were still there before you’d boiled away to nothing. A healthy relationship involved both time with friends and time with your partner, not just one or the other. 

Yet it kept happening. Movie nights with Vernon would get dropped within seconds because Ji-woo wanted to go out. You were left waiting in a coffee shop more than once with Vernon’s iced coffee melting across from you. The museum trip he’d promised you because it was this anime-themed exhibit (for an anime you two watched together in middle school) fell through and you ditched the idea of going on your own because it was less special that way. He only ever texted you at the last minute or hours later with another apology. It felt like all he ever did was apologize to you nowadays, and it was reaching a frustrating point. You swore you saw his friends more than you ever saw him. The last time you saw Vernon, he was with his girlfriend on campus, walking to class. You saw the way he looked at her (he used to look at you like that, you thought to yourself, whenever he actually looked at you), and you felt a pit of jealousy underneath this draining sense of grief. Seungkwan was still nice to you, though, and Chan would sometimes say hi. Seokmin even greeted you warmly whenever he saw you, happy to catch up since you rarely saw him (and it almost felt like he was your friend despite that). But Vernon…

You simply couldn’t care less. You had studies you needed to focus on instead. Sometimes you would leave Seungkwan’s contact open on your phone, always wanting to ask if Vernon had blown him (or anyone else) off for Ji-woo. There was a way to check. One simple text to send. But you didn’t: you didn’t want to know the answer. Not yet.

Vernon asked you if you wanted to go on a double date with him and Ji-woo. When you asked who you would be seeing, he simply said it’d be Seungkwan. So you stupidly said yes (probably giving Vernon the wrong idea), and the next day you were sitting next to Seungkwan in a diner booth and exchanging looks as he talked endlessly to his girlfriend rather than anyone else at the table. Is this what double dates were supposed to be? One couple talking the entire time? You didn’t think so. You and Seungkwan just looked at each other way too many times in disbelief. This fucking sucked.

Ji-woo excused herself to go to the bathroom, and you debated following her just to avoid whatever Vernon was about to ask next. It was the first time you were meeting her, after all. Ji-woo was nice. Bubbly, and sweet, and pretty, and you… really couldn’t hate her, if you were honest. When Vernon asked you if you wanted to come on this double date, you were expecting to find something to hate about her. Something you could justify being upset with him picking her over and over instead of spending even ten minutes with you. You’d never been like this when you had a boyfriend. Sure, your ex-boyfriend was shitty, but you still made time for both him and your friends. But between how pretty and sweet she was and the stupid loving look in Vernon’s eyes, all you felt was more guilt for being so mad at him. 

“So… What do you guys think?” He asked quietly. “She’s great, right?”

Seungkwan had nodded along. “... I think she’s nice.” 

… Was that reluctance? Before you could answer, your phone started ringing. You tapped Seungkwan’s arm, and he let you out of the booth so you could step outside to answer Changbin.

“Are you out? Minho said he saw you on a double date or something.” 

Immediately, you started looking around for Minho. When the fuck did he see you? “Yeah,” you said after a moment, still trying to see if Minho was within view. You’d (jokingly) go kick his ass for saying something to Changbin. “Vernon wanted us to meet Ji-woo, I guess.”

The pause Changbin took before speaking again told you everything you needed to know. You probably shouldn’t have said that. “Are you okay?”

Changbin and Youngtaek, as your housemates, were the unfortunate witnesses to your disappointed returns to the apartment. Every time Vernon blew you off for his girlfriend, one (or both) of them would see you come home and already know what happened. It’d been Changbin, though, who dragged you out of the apartment after one of those instances. Fuck Vernon, he had said, we’re going out and getting ramen tonight. It was the best fucking ramen you’d had in weeks, but you were starting to think that it was moreso the company than the noodles themselves. 

With a sigh, you sat down on the bench outside. “I’m fine, Binnie.”

“I can lie about breaking the coffee maker again,” he said immediately. 

“You don’t have to—Wait. Again?” 

“Just say the word and I’ll do it,” he quickly said. “Love you!”

With a sigh, you shoved your phone back into your pocket after he hung up on you. You’d confront him and Youngtaek about the coffee maker another time. The bell of the diner door rang behind you, and you almost stood up to use it as your own timer to go back inside and tell your friends that everything was fine—Changbin just wanted to know if you were gonna be home to eat dinner with him and Youngtaek. Except when you turned, Seungkwan was standing there. 

“I’m going to sing karaoke instead. Do you want to come with me?” 

You looked back toward the window. “What about Vernon—”

“He went to the bathroom after Ji-woo came back. I told her you seemed upset so I was going to walk you home.” Seungkwan crossed his arms. “Are you coming with me or not? I’m still mad that Vernon ditched our coffee date last week.”

You furrowed your brow. “He—”

“It was only the one time, but I’m still holding a grudge,” he said, sighing. “He should have texted. I wasted money on him since he said he’d be there.”

Well. That answered one of your questions. You said yes anyway, and Seungkwan immediately smiled, taking your hand and happily guiding you away. By the end of the night, your throat was raw and aching from screaming lyrics alongside Seungkwan, but it was comforting to know you weren’t alone. When he wasn’t entertaining you by yelling alongside you, his voice was genuinely beautiful to listen to. The two of you ended up getting street food together to replace the meal you didn’t have with Vernon and Ji-woo, and Seungkwan seemed a little happy to finally bitch about a couple things. While Vernon only blew him off the one time, it was enough to piss Seungkwan off because no one treated him like that. He’d chewed him out when he came back, saying that real friends called instead of leaving their friend to throw away a melted iced coffee. He later walked you to your bus stop, telling you goodnight as he squeezed your hands. The two of you should talk more (for non-bitching reasons, too). You watched him continue on toward the apartment he now shared with Vernon and Chan, and felt a little better about all of this.

At least you weren’t entirely alone.

A few months later, your grandpa got sick. Despite the insistence that he would be fine, you were terrified. Everything around you seemed to spiral into disaster. Between late assignments and a failed test, it felt like you were going to just… break. Your family told you to finish out your semester and come see him during break, that this wasn’t serious and he’d lived through worse. All you could think about was the fact that the one person you could talk to about this just… wasn’t there for you. He was on a date with Ji-woo. You tried calling him, and he denied it on the second ring. He texted you back to ask if it was important, since he was on that date.

You told him it wasn’t and to have fun on his date. Changbin was busy, and so was Youngtaek, which meant you would turn to the only other person you often hung out with nowadays. Minho answered your text within seconds when you asked if you could come over, and then followed up that ‘yes’ with asking whether it was serious.

[ 🦀 ] it is. family stuff.

[ 🦀 ] is that okay?

[ 🐈 ] just wanted to be ready

[ 🐈 ] see you soon

You shoved your things into your hoodie pocket and made your way to Minho’s apartment. His roommate was out when you got there, and Minho made a comment about how Chris wouldn’t be back until later that night anyway—so it was just the two of you for a while. By the time you’d sat down with him, you were already breaking down crying. He listened as you cried, pushing a box of tissues your way (Minho came prepared for this) as soon as you needed it. 

“You should trust your family on this,” he told you. “If they thought you needed to come home, they would be honest with you. If things suddenly changed and it looked like you might lose him, then they would tell you. Right?”

“Right, but…” Your grandpa wasn’t the only person you felt like you were losing now.

When was the last time you and Vernon hung out, not including the double date you and Seungkwan ditched? Before the semester started? Even then, he’d been ditching you to hang out with Ji-woo. Even now, you wished you could hate her. Or him. He was the one who was ditching you, not Ji-woo. Or maybe even both of them, when you thought about it now. Seungkwan had been the one who lied to her face and told her that you were upset about something, and you never heard a word from Vernon that night. What could Ji-woo have told him…? Fuck being mad at any of them at this point: that was energy you didn’t want to expend. 

If this was how it ended, then so fucking be it. 

Except it wasn’t. That wasn’t how it would end, because Vernon broke up with Ji-woo five months later, long after you went home and saw your grandpa in better health. He posted something on his private Twitter about it, so you decided to text him.

[🚀] hey, i just saw your priv

[🚀] i’m so sorry things didn’t work out for you two. are you alright?

[vernon 👽] yeah just

[vernon 👽] idk it’s a lot to process

[vernon 👽] i don’t think i’ve figured it all out yet

[🚀] you wanna talk about it? i’m here if you need me.

[vernon 👽] idk she just kept blowing me off for stuff

[vernon 👽] i mean. she can have friends, that’s not a problem at all. i’m never gonna stop her from that.

[vernon 👽] but like… she kept canceling out dates at the last second, or she’d forget about our plans because one of her friends wanted to go do something and they got mad at her for spending all her time w me, so she figured she should spend more time w them

[vernon 👽] just started to feel like i wasn’t important to her, y’know? 

[vernon 👽] like. not important enough to say ‘hey babe, suhyun wants to go to the amusement park and i’ve kind of neglected her, won’t make dinner today’ 

Oh. All at once, you were seething. As much as you wanted to feel bad for him, your anger kept building and building toward this ugly peak. Not now, you told yourself. You could be mad at him, but he was going through a tough time. 

(Where was he during YOUR tough times, you mentally shot back.)

[🚀] oh dude… i’m sorry

[🚀] that really sucks. i’m so sorry.

[🚀] i hope you feel better soon.

You turned your phone onto silent before slamming it down onto your bed, too choked up with emotions to say anything else. You had managed to pull it together long enough to say something that was hopefully nice, and now everything was hitting you hard and suffocating you. You wanted to throw something—anything—or scream in frustration. This sucked. You knew it sucked. But, fuck, you just wanted to go and scream at him “you see how fucking bad that feels?! To have someone you care about not fucking care anymore?!” and you didn’t. You couldn’t. It made you realize that neither of you have even addressed the fact you haven’t spoken in several months now.

You stepped out of your room, leaving your phone behind to get a glass of water. Maybe if you kept pushing your feelings down, you could redirect your anger into something better. If push came to shove, then you’d just go out and walk until you felt better. Youngtaek had been standing in the kitchen, preparing snacks.

“Oh, you’re home?” He didn’t look up past the quick glance he’d given you before he went back to arranging snacks. “Yeonjun and Wooyoung are coming over for game night. You don’t have to join us, but Changbin and I know you’re kind of friends with them, so you’re welcome to join us if you—”

The moment you sniffled, he looked up and realized something was wrong. All of a sudden, you couldn’t hold it in anymore. Something about being around other people you trusted made it harder for you to keep your emotions fully under wraps. Vernon once told you that you wore your emotions on your sleeve, and maybe that was still true. Youngtaek pulled you into his arms when you broke, letting you sob into his shoulder as he held you.

“Is it Vernon again?”

Youngtaek knew. Everyone knew, didn’t they? But Youngtaek and Changbin knew the most, next to Minho.

“You can’t keep avoiding this,” he said gently, stroking your hair. “It’s not fair to you.”

“He broke up with her,” you mumbled, “because she kept canceling plans a-and ditching him and…”

Youngtaek drew back, staring at you. “He what.” 

“And–And he didn’t feel like he was important to her at all anymore, a-and she would keep doing it last second or forgetting—”

You’d rarely seen Youngtaek look genuinely angry. He got frustrated, sure, because he was human. But this pissed? You weren’t sure you could even count how many times he was this outwardly angry. He masked it well before you now, though, taking a deep breath before he cut you off.

“One of my friends wants to go on a camping trip in a few weeks,” he told you. His hands rested on your shoulders, fingers slightly digging in. “He told me that some of his friends canceled for other plans, and that I could invite a few people if they wanted to come. You’re coming with me.”

You opened your mouth to speak.

“I mean it,” he said. “If you really don’t want to go, I won’t force you, but I think you need it. I’ll take your phone if you want, and it’ll just be us and a couple friends. We’ll cook together, and hike, and—and we’ll just have fun enjoying nature.”

You shut your mouth, slowly nodding. Maybe he was right and you needed to get away from all of this. It wasn’t going to be too much—camping here wasn’t all that out there as it was in other places—but you’d met some of Youngtaek’s friends before. Maybe you could talk them into a game of mafia. They’re all so genuinely horrible at it (they recorded it once for fun and Youngtaek sent you the YouTube video), it’d probably be fun to watch. 

Seungkwan was the one who reached out to you while you were helping Youngtaek make snacks. You stepped into your room to answer your phone, and learned that it was him and Chan who were cheering Vernon up. 

“I asked if he wanted to invite you over,” Seungkwan said quietly. “He said he didn’t want to burden you.”

You weren’t sure what to say. “Oh.” 

“I don’t know what to do.” Seungkwan went quiet for a moment. “You two used to be so close, and now…”

At least someone else saw it.

“I know you’re hurting, too,” he said. “Vernon said you texted him. I almost told him off because the reason he broke up with her was the same thing he was doing toward you. DId he ever come back?”

He didn’t. Your silence said that for you.

“Ah, really…” Seungkwan sounded annoyed, too. Less pissed than Youngtaek, but Seungkwan hadn’t seen how many times you’d felt rejected by your own ‘best friend.’ “I should tell him off after he feels better—”

“Don’t.” You shut your eyes. “It’s fine, Seungkwan. Just go be there for him.” 

“I will,” he said. “But you don’t have to lie to me. It’s not fine. I would have dropped a friend over this. If you need me, just text me, okay?”

It’s funny. You never really considered Seungkwan a close friend of yours. He was always someone you saw as a person you were on good terms with. The two of you didn’t hang out or do anything more than occasionally talk. There were no coffee dates, no study dates. Not like what you did with Minho and Changbin and Youngtaek—and, sometimes, Yeonjun. You paused, staring down at your friend for a moment as you returned to Youngtaek (and the newly arrived Yeonjun and Wooyoung).

“Hey… Can I invite a friend?” You looked up from your phone to the group. “It’s Minho.” 

They all knew Minho. They told you to go ahead if he wasn’t busy. The more the merrier. Minho texted back a few minutes later, saying he’d stop by the store on his way over, so to let him know if you guys wanted any snacks. People dished out their requests, and you’d merely asked for a melona bar. A few minutes later, you realized what you were craving, and texted him asking if he would get you banana snacks instead. He said he’d already let the store, and you’d made peace with it. You’d get the snacks some other time. 

Yet when he showed up, he passed you a small bag with your ice cream and a bag of banana-flavored snacks before he settled in beside you, hiding a smile.

Vernon was checking his phone again, this gnawing feeling within him to do so. He followed… well, a lot of people on social media. Friends. Friends of friends. He wasn’t exactly sure why, if he was honest. He kind-of liked seeing what other people were up to, since sometimes it’d give him ideas for his own stuff with friends. And then he saw you, and that gnawing feeling suddenly went away.

He’d met Youngtaek before enough to recognize him immediately. You were sandwiched between him and Bae Seungmin (another guy in your year—Vernon had a few classes with him before) in the background of a photo shared by someone else. Did he even know a Jangjun? He wasn’t sure. He’d have to see if he recognized him later. Instead, he just zoomed in on the three of you among hte group.

(Turns out, though, he did recognize Jangjun. He’d met him at a couple parties. He was the loud dude who did a spot-on cicada impression at one of them… and Vernon was actually pretty damn sure that Jangjun was sober that time.)

You looked… happy. Your eyes were sparkling in every picture, so completely filled with joy at being with the people you were with. Some other guy was hugging you tight in another picture. You were laughing in another one, holding a sparkler alongside the people around you. When did you get so close with other people? It felt like just yesterday you were getting lunch with him before you worked on a biology lab report. A few nights later, you had confessed that you felt lonely outside of him and a few other people. But he could see the can of cheap beer in your hand, and he suddenly understood a little better: you were always a little touchier, a little more carefree whenever you drank. He clicked the tag on the photo with the guy hugging you tight, smiling like he was yours: Sungyoon. He didn’t know Sungyoon. Were you two…? Had you…? 

He clicked on your page to find out. There wasn’t much on there (you weren’t active on social media, to be fair) but there was more than the last time he’d checked. The pictures of him were further down your page now. You had pictures of you and Youngtaek, taken in mirrors at a store. Of you and Changbin and a few more of his friends, throwing up peace signs while in a park, street food in hand. Of Minho, crouching inside of a cat cafe, feeding a cat a treat, saying you’d leave him to be with “his kind” since there were other pictures where he was surrounded by cats. Then another picture of you and Seungkwan, dated days after that diner date he had with Ji-woo. Seungkwan had an arm around your shoulder, pulling you in as the two of you beamed at the camera.

When was the last time he saw you smile like that?

You didn’t go home as much as you wanted to. Between school and work and life, it became a little harder to make that trip to see your family often. You’d taken a week long vacation, partially to go camping, and the rest was dedicated to your family. It was nice to eat your dad’s cooking again, and to sleep in your childhood room again. You walked the neighborhood a bit, too, hands tucked into your pockets as you enjoyed being somewhere you wouldn't exactly call home anymore. But that was part of growing up. Home became different places throughout life. This was just one of them, even if you couldn’t actively call it yours anymore. It was nice, except for the part where your mom was giving you shit for being single and lonely and whatever.

“I always thought you and Vernon would have gotten together,” she said while making you breakfast. Unbeknownst to her, that was the one thing that could have made you cry.

You later went out for another walk around the neighborhood. Tomorrow morning, you’d go back to your apartment and get ready for work later that day. The world seemed to be against you, though, because this walk was what made you realize that you weren’t the only one who’d come home to visit family. Vernon was inside, hugging his sister visibly from the window. He must have just come in as a surprise. His house was only a few down from yours. You’d move on in a moment. Instead, you just watched a moment longer, wondering if maybe you should walk up and ring the doorbell. Say hi to the second family you had. You sighed after a moment, and made a move on to get home.

Inside, Sofia was whining at him for hugging her so tight… and because it’d been years since she’d seen you. Vernon could feel his own ache of heartbreak. Sofia hadn’t liked Ji-woo when he brought her around.

She pushed his arms off of her, flopping down onto the couch, “You should just tell her.” 

Maybe one day he would, if he could stop being a coward.

Senior year came and went faster than you knew.

You didn’t talk to Vernon anymore. He didn’t text you. Finally, you think that this was it. One friendship undone and slowly dying for far too fucking long. It almost made you want to hold a funeral, if you were honest. The most you’d heard from him was a birthday text and the invitation to do something that you responded to with an apology, because you’d already made plans with other people. Minho had stayed by your side throughout your birthday, happy to spend the day with you at an amusement park. Youngtaek and Changbin had come with you, too, bringing along Yeonjun and Wooyoung and a few others. You never really liked being the center of attention, but you didn’t mind so much during this last birthday. One of Minho’s friends, Felix, had danced with you happily, fingers intertwined. You’d joked to Minho that he should bring Felix around more often: he seemed like a sweet guy.

At some point, though, you sat down to address your feelings for real. You had been friends with Vernon for years, and all of it seemed to disappear all too quickly. You had cried over it plenty of times, but you were hit with this sense of relief at long last. Not because it was over, because that would always leave this subtle ache in your chest. Relief because you had finally learned how to let go and stop fighting a losing battle. You could finally rest now, and focus on the people that loved you out loud in your life. People like Youngtaek, who laughed beside you when you had movie nights in the apartment. Sometimes it ended with popcorn in your hair, but you’d never hold it against him for too long. Changbin, who was the best gym buddy you could ever ask for. Despite how intense his workouts could be, he was always mindful of you adhering to your own limits. Minho, who gave you quiet understanding whenever you needed it most. Your outings to cat cafes always made you smile, though, especially when he used it as a springboard to talk about how he’d one day move Soonie, Doongie, and Dori into his apartment. These were the people who had found you along the way, and walked alongside you when you needed them. Even Seungkwan, who wasn’t your close friend, had reached out to you every so often to check on you because he cared. 

All good things came to an end. That was what you would tell yourself to feel better. Your friendships would come to an end one day, whether that be with an explosion or a quiet fizzle was something only time would tell. All you needed was to wait for the tide to come in and wash away the reminders of Vernon left along the sand.

Then you could run away.

taglist: @twancingyunhao @wonuziex @synthetickitsune @gyulbabie

[caffeinewitchcraft]

How did you find the courage to start posting online?

Finding courage is actually why I started this blog!

I’ve always loved writing. The first book I wrote was in high school (and very rarely sees the light of day) back in 2010. I gave short stories to my family for Christmas in 2011 and I did write a little bit of fanfic back then.

But I never tried to query my work and I never posted anything online. I felt like my work wasn’t good enough for a multitude of reasons - too short, too long, choppy dialogue, not interesting, wrong punctuation, etc

Then I went to college and I studied English/psychology/writing for a little bit. One of my writing professors really pushed me to consider publishing (at that point I was on track to get a psychology degree) and I realized that that’s what I wanted. I wanted to be a published writer

But I was too scared!

I was frozen for years. I would write all these stories for fun and never had anywhere to put them. After I left the cult (lol) I ended up not having many friends to read my work either. I had my sister and my best friend from high school (both of whom I owe a lot) and they lived in a different city for most of that time.

College was a really bad time for me all around. I don’t talk about it that much because I very dearly want to be someone who can heal from trauma. But my writing at that time was viciously angry. I felt like I couldn’t share it because it would show everyone how awful I was. So I didn’t post online then either!

I left school and became an EMT with this idea that I was going to be a writer but I still couldn’t bring myself to query. “I need to experience more of life to write,” I thought. “I’m not good enough yet. The things I write are all too depressing or too escapist. One day I’ll write something amazing and I’ll know it and go from there.”

It was during that time (around 2016) that I honestly got sick of myself. I had a lot of insecurities and life was very difficult. It’s hard to explain exactly where my head was at. See, up until the creation of this blog, I was putting writing as a low priority in my life. I was going to keep driving an ambulance. I was going to go back to school. I was going to only engage In The practical side of writing (copy writing) and do other Meaningful Work like driving ambulances or maybe going to law school

But I wanted to write. And I knew I was scared. And I knew that part of what was holding me back were all these expectations from my family and from myself that I needed to focus on finding a career rather than in what made me so happy

So I made this blog! “No one I know will see this,” I thought. “I don’t have to tell them. I can write whatever I’d like without having to worry about hurting anyones feelings or making anyone upset.”

Well, I did make people upset! Hahahah, for some reason 22 yo me wrote a prompt fill of God trying to set up Satan with a guy. A looooot of people (like 6 which seemed like a lot at the time!) sent me messages about how awful I was for writing that and how I needed to take it down

Instead of taking it down or stopping writing, I looked at why I wrote what I did. I’m Pagan. Wby did I feel driven to write a story about God?

The prompt used language I disagreed with (I believe it called satan “a homosexual” like those old anti gay propaganda films) and I wanted to write something that was more positive and nuanced. The story accepted the idea that, at one point, being gay was a sin (I was just coming out at that point as well.) But I also wrote a God that was flawed, who recognized their flaws, and admitted that they made a mistake by trying to control love like that. God apologized to Satan for making him feel he was wrong and that he couldn’t love who he wanted. That story meant something to me who, despite being from an amazingly supportive family, still worried about people being jerks when I went out in public with my girlfriend.

And after looking at all that, I stood by my story. That’s important to why I keep posting online. I stand by what I write. Even if nobody enjoys a story, I like it. And so it stays up.

(Though I will admit that some aspects I’ve had to improve myself on. I had one person point out that I only used Anglo-Saxon names for all my characters. Meaning I only wrote white characters. So, after a lot of googling and reading, I set out to diversify my work! I wrote Firebreather after that, starring Nadezh and I am so obsessed with her.)

I kept the God prompt up and started receiving positive comments on it! I started writing more prompt fills. I’d write after hard 12 hour shifts. I’d write while in the ambulance. I wrote a very popular story from my phone!

I’m very, very lucky! I’ve always received very positive feedback on my stories here. There are people who won’t ever know it but they supported me through very difficult times.

Why have I written all of this? I definitely haven’t shared everything about my writing journey, or my life journey, but these are the highlights. Why share such a long answer to a very straightforward question?

Because I want you to have the context for when I say that the courage to post online comes from a deep and unending love for writing. For your own writing. For the magic that writing helps you create, for the excitement of finishing a story, for the thrill of understanding yourself a little better.

For me, the creation of this blog was an act of self love. I’ve said that on here before. I took an amazing gamble and I won! By posting online, I forced myself to confront my writing head on. People were seeing it and commenting on it, good and bad, and it forced me to interact with my work in a way I hadn’t before.

I started being able to look at my writing from a distance. There were some warts, for sure. But I looked at it and loved it all the same.

I stopped being so ashamed and fearful. My whole family knows about my writing now (that’s actually how I came out as bi to a few of them lmao) and I’ve self-published my own work.

I will say, that I’ve been very lucky on Tumblr. My experience doesn’t seem to be very typical and my blog is a bit more popular than I ever intended! I’m very grateful and blown away by it still.

Courage comes from confidence. Fake it til you make it! I used anonymity as a shield until I gained enough confidence to own my work proudly.

Thanks for the ask and thanks for bearing with my long response. I’ll most likely talk about how posting online affected my mental state and career more at a later date :)

Tl;dr: Love your writing unconditionally. Accept its flaws and know that you have the ability to improve it.

[teddypickerry]

𝐈’𝐌 𝐄𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐄𝐄𝐍.

𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘢𝘥 𝘫𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 !

pairings — single dad! jess mariano

summary — this is the first part of my new series. where you request things jess does as a dad with his daughter alice (ex: throwing her a birthday party, helping her when she’s sick, alice and jess during a year in the life, luke and lorelai baby-sitting alice, etc.). this chapter is SIMPLY THE PROLOGUE! introducing alice & her story. but YOU HAVE TO REQUEST the rest of the fic. i will write some of the chapters with my own ideas but for the most part this is something you guys are helping me with. i’m so very excited for this series & for you guys to meet jess as a dad <3

warnings — this is NOT a jess x rory fic. this will only become a jess x reader fic if that is requested & it’s something i agree to. this fic will include language, drinking, mentions of sex, etc. but each chapter will have its own section of warnings personalized to its criteria.

word count — 2.8k

extras — i plan on writing several chapters of this. SO PLEASE REQUEST!

the california weeks were something jess mariano didn't reminisce fondly of. something about the lack of communication between him and his father and maybe knowing there was nothing waiting for him back in stars hollow. but the one good thing that came out of that trip was the drunken night hoping to forget his life with a girl he met on the beach. she was blonde, not his typical go-to but she wasn't hard on the eyes. so he accompanied her back to her dorm room alongside the college on the coast.

two months later jess was back in new york city. eighteen years old and left alone with the world. it was when he got a phone call from the same girl, announcing to him her pregnancy. this was something he could have never expected and honestly — hoped for. never once did the young adult think of something like this, especially to happen this way. but he had a responsibility and he was ready to grow up. that meant raising the child in his mind. so, months later, he watched his baby girl be born.

the night in the hospital was dreadful. the multiple day bus ride to california and lack of sleep only made his adrenaline rush more. the young woman expressed several complaints throughout the delivery, telling jess she was scared and she couldn't do it. the boy only told her they had a baby now, they had to take on this responsibility. and just like that, she was gone the moment the doctor signed the release papers. leaving jess mariano and a small child in his arms.

the journey back home was inevitable, a small bed in a shared apartment calling his name. a severe amounts of his savings were spent on a plane ticket back to the city. the few hours on a plane with a newborn much better than multiple days. considering, he was pretty sure the two would get kicked off. but jess mariano loved his little girl, alice, he had decided on. right before they were to leave the hospital. he loved their matching eyes and the way she smiled. he loved the way she squeezed his finger with her entire hand and the way she looked into his eyes. jess mariano had gone soft the moment his daughter was born. something he'd never admit.

the first few months were tiring. with the amount of shifts the new dad had to pick up to pay for simple products and the crying baby he lacked any amount of sleep. as did his roommates whom complained any chance they got. after continuously telling them off and spending some spare change on a pacifier, jess finally started to settle down. he started with making her own clothes out of his old t-shirts. of course they weren't pretty but he tried. but as time went on, he was able to afford the necessary items to make his babygirl happy. even though she would be happy nonetheless, as long as she had her dad.

the repetitive first months were still admirable in jess' book. he had never loved another being as much as he adored alice. he thought he loved rory but the way he felt for his child made any other kind of love incomparable. even if she spit up on him or wouldn't let him get a blink or sleep, he still found himself smiling at her sleeping late at night. proud of the little human who filled his heart.

the ending of the rotation began when jess was preparing for another shift at work. alice laid on jess' bed, pillows surrounding her like a nest to keep her safe from rolling over into their roommates crap. the young adult threw a t-shirt over his frame when he turned around, noticing the figure in the apartment door frame.

"hey, neighbor! the guys next door just ran out of crack to sell, so they sent me over to borrow a cup. hey, nice place. you put those holes there yourself?" luke danes questioned, pointing his flannel covered arm towards the large holes in the wall. the man hadn't seen his nephew in a little bit over a year, back when he was still seventeen and living back in stars hollow. when everything was different. "what are you doing here?"

"i just wanted to see how you're doing," luke shrugged at his nephews words as she glanced around the apartment. it was obvious he noticed the baby half asleep on the mattress, her pacifier in her mouth. assuming it was the other sleeping man's. "going great."

"great, you're doing great. wow, you're doing great. i'm not doing great and i have running water," he humored as jess huffed. the teenager grabbed his bag, throwing in a few of the things alice would need while she sat with him at work. "the place is fine."

"fine not great? what happened to great?" luke asked as he watched his nephew throw several children's items in his bag. his head glancing back and forth between his nephew and the baby. two and two connecting at the moment. jess sighed heavy, nearly waking up his roommate. "all this and no housewarming gift?"

luke turned towards his nephew with widened eyes, his finger locked in a point as he pointed between him and the baby once more. "jess... tell me why- tell me that's not..."

"spit it out, uncle luke." jess humored as he turned towards him in frustration, already being late for work. "what is that?"

"the ending of my adolescence," the boy shrugged as he zipped the bag. his curly hair bopped as he made his way over towards the baby, watching her flutter her eyes open. he offered her his arms as he picked her up. luke felt his heart stop as he watched jess with the baby, confusion entering his body. "you have a- a-"

"a little demon, hm?" jess hummed as he pressed his lips to her tiny forehead. turning back to his uncle with his daily poker face. luke still couldn't fathom the situation, still locked in a moment of shock. "why didn't you- you know, tell me? i mean when could this have happened? i saw you a couple months ago."

"thirteen months ago actually. when you kicked me out, remember? couldn't exactly ask for some help when you didn't want me," jess held the baby tightly as she watched her great uncle luke. the man looking right back at the baby. "jess, i would have- just... mom?"

"not here."

luke remained silent as he watched the small baby. noticing the similarities between her and the baby jess. "alice. her names alice," jess mumbled making his uncle glance up at him. "alice? that's a pretty name... too normal for you."

"well she's named after a rock legend," jess admitted making luke burst into a small smile as he watched the little girl. jess holding her forward. "here."

luke was quick to grab the baby, holding her in his arms protectively. he was in awe of the little baby who had yet to cry in the minutes he had been there. something that was so far from her father as a child. "so, why're you really here?"

"well uh, liz told me you weren't coming to the wedding." the man told his nephew, his eyes not leaving the baby cradled in his arms. "there no way you're here about that."

"i am here about that," he argued as he glanced up at the teenager who threw on his leather jacket. "why?"

"why? you're mothers getting married and you're not coming. you also have a new family member that she's gonna desperately want to meet. and i'm assuming, she's yet to hear about this little angel." jess' personal note, make fun of luke for calling alice a little angel... even though she kind of is a little angel.

"no biggie. i'll just catch the next wedding. they can meet ali then, i'm sure she'll have maybe another hair or two by then." jess joked as he reached his hands forward, motioning for his uncle to give him back his baby. luke sighed before obliging; very carefully handing him the babygirl. "jess, this guy is different."

"come on," the teenager choked on a laugh before turning down to look at his smiley baby. the girl had developed a habit of smiling at her father's voice within the past week and a half. it was wild to him how quickly she had grown, not even opening her eyes three months ago. "well he could be different, he seems different." luke attempted to argue, despite noticing jess falling into his own world with his baby. he was proud of jess for his responsibility taken on with the baby and the way his eyes lit up as he watched her. jess mariano was not the same boy that left stars hollow a year ago.

"i've seen him with liz. they seem to work. we need to support this thing, to give it a chance," the man shrugged as he watched his nephew glance up from his baby. "no we don't." he wasted no time going back to place his baby on the mattress as he gathered her blanket to wrap around. "you're gonna regret it, jess."

"doubt it," jess bit back his crooked smile as he wrapped the girl in her small blanket. the protectiveness from the spring new york chills. "no you are. if you ever manage to grow up and get yourself together and drop this selfish, self-destructive behavior that you are so fond of, if that ever happens, you are gonna look back on this moment, and you're gonna feel like a big seaming mound of crap that you missed this. and maybe you have changed, you have a baby now and you're looking at her like... a parent should look at their kid. and she's obviously not in a biker gang so maybe you're doing something right. but jess, you've got a bunch of smelly mattresses and no running water and a toilet in the middle of the room. this stubborn individuality or yours is costing your kid a good childhood."

jess' eyes narrowed as he turned to look over at his uncle. he hated that he agreed with some of his words, knowing alice deserved much more. but she had milk everyday, a warm place to sleep, and a dad who loved her very much. which is more than jess could ever say for himself. "does she seem malnourished to you?"

"what?" luke asked, with his signature confused face. "does she look malnourished to you? or unhappy for that matter? does the clothes with flowers on her back not scream happiness? or what about the fridge with multiple bottles? god, i must be abusing her then, huh?" jess argued as he placed her in his arms, the bag slung around his shoulder. "todd, get up its four!"

jess only shot his uncle an annoyed look as he shoved past him, exiting the apartment. holding his free hand over his baby's back with a soothing pat. "hm... ali, that was your uncle luke. he's kind of a jackass sometimes but he means well. you'll like him sometime, i promise." he whispered to his daughter as he made his way off to work. contemplating how he would explain his little girl to the small town of stars hollow.

it was only a couple hours later that jess mariano packed up his and his daughter's belongings to head to the small town a few hours away. a car ride full of rock CDs to teach his daughter to have an adequate music taste. he only battled with himself the entire shift. debating whether or not to go to the wedding or not. he had no doubt in his mind that he would see his mother's wedding once again. it seemed only every few months that she she found "the one." but his attendance meant a lot to luke for some odd reason. and whether he wanted to admit it or not, luke was the only person who was ever truly there for jess.

so the moment jess emerged in the small town, he sighed at the familiar signs. stopping the moment he saw the town gazebo, parking in-front of the william's hardware store. the curly haired boy stepped out of the car, immediately opening the backdoor and grabbing his baby. the bags thrown over his shoulder she slept peacefully against his shoulder. he could already feel the eyes on him around the town. he was a recognizable character within the small population. the baby in his arms didn't exactly keep him hidden either.

jess made his way into the familiar diner, lacking customers due to the after dinner crowd. the familiar bell only attracted the eyes of the people, the man behind the counter fighting a smile at the sight. "i'm not paying for a motel, so i'm staying with you." he called, making his way past towards the stairwell. they entered the stairwell and made their way up towards the apartment, not even wanting to hear any further comments. the silence from lorelai gilmore made luke turn his head in shock, not used to it.

"um- luke? please tell me that a hairless cat was just being cradled by your nephew right now." lorelai's jaw nearly dropped as she set down her mug. luke glanced around the diner, attempting to find a customer in need of some help. "that is alice."

"his babydoll...?" the inn owner tilted her head as luke let out a breath. "his daughter, my great niece. she's about three months i think. met her earlier, she's great."

"liar! i am not caught up on everything!" the girl gasped towards the man making him groan. "i was getting there but then the proof presented itself. and i only saw her a few hours ago."

"just wow... how is he dealing with all of this? i mean gosh... he's eighteen," lorelai thought aloud reminiscing on her own times as a teenage parent. the struggles and the rewards of having your best friend. the only difference was maturity in her mind. jess was still the immature and cold teenage dirtbag who broke her daughter's heart the year prior. but now he was a parent, just like that.

"i'm gonna go see them. you want to meet her?" luke asked the woman as she replied in a smile. "yeah, of course."

the two exited the empty dinner. luke granting caesar, his chef, privileges to run the place while he made his way upstairs. lorelai followed hesitantly, her mind still on her previously heart broken daughter the entire time. and the boy that had broken it now had a baby.

"ah you're here," jess announced without looking up from his little girl. hearing the sound of the door creaking open as the two entered the apartment. he currently had her in a clean diaper on his old bed, a giggle escaping her lips as he looked down at her. "i do show up occasionally," luke responded.

"hi, jess." lorelai greeted making the boy look up from his little girl. mixed feelings swarming throughout his body. having no idea why or how to feel about her at the very moment. "lorelai," he greeted before looking back down at his girl. "and who's this?" lorelai asked smiley as she followed luke over towards the baby and her father. alice smiled warmly at both people, her bright gestures resulting in smiles throughout the room. "this is alice."

"in wonderland?" she joked as he admired the little girl. jess pressed his lips together as he shook his head. "cooper."

a simple 'ah' escaped from the woman's lips. the desperation was obvious on her face as jess picked the baby up, handing her towards lorelai who proudly held her. jess never truly trusted anyone with his baby. but he knew lorelai knew a thing or two about kids and people in general. even though she lacked showing him that decent respect in the past. "she's so beautiful."

"she's my kid," jess humored as he made his way over towards the fridge passing luke who watched lorelai hold his great niece with pure love. something jess noticed immediately. "i wasn't sure what food to eat." he announced making luke turn towards him. "eat what you like. start with the expired stuff." his eyes glanced over towards the beautiful woman holding the beautiful the baby. a smile instantly forming on his face. "go out. i'm hearing good buzz about the chow mein sandwhich from al's. i got her. caesar can watch the store."

"yeah, i'm sure you haven't been without her since she was born. go get some food for an hour or so. it's the only break you'll get until she's eighteen and off at college," lorelai smiled as she rocked the little girl who was flapping her arms around. jess watched his daughter protectively for a second before sighing. "sure, yeah. i should go get some diapers - for her, anyways. i'll be back in an hour."

[lycan-subscribe]

hi! I saw your post about Springfield and while I appreciate where you heart is, I would really appreciate if you did not say things like we have crumbling infranstrucre and no public transportation (we still have public bussing) and no education (many Springfield kids go on to very good colleges bc of the education they got here or even go to our city's university or community college). We have had students recently get admitted to Ivy League schools. We have so many programs for students to earn college credit while in high school.

Springfield isn't the best city around but there's been a lot of good things happening, and a lot of the city is a lot better off than it was when I was kid. Most of all, a lot of us are not taking kindly to other people speaking on our behalf. We're tired of people not from Springfield talking about us. Your heart was in the right place, and I appreciate what you did. But please do not make it sound like we're living in some destitute city. All my life I have heard from people outside of Springfield asking me if I'm scared to live here, etc. bc of the stereotypes that every inch of us is crumbling buildings and drug addicts and gang violence.

We have: beautiful murals by local artists, teachers who care about all their students, a really good public library system, thriving local businesses. There's a lot of things not going well in Springfield, but please don't speak for us.

i appreciate you starting a respectful discussion about this, i really do. looking back on what i wrote, i do think i came off as dismissive of the city as a whole in a way i didn’t intend.

i’ve been ruminating on what i said last night and i do think i could’ve and should’ve worded some things better and made my intentions a little more clear - i don’t want to speak for the city, as my experience with it is colored by the fact that i don’t live there. i meant only to speak for my experience with it in an extremely condensed manner but in doing so i think i left out some crucial context.

you’re right, it is better in a lot of ways than it used to be! i’ve noticed more art, more local businesses (especially the restaurants!!) and snyder park in particular is absolutely beautiful - my aunt and uncle are actually master gardeners that help take care of the gardens there. so i know there is beauty, both in the physical landscape and in the people living in it, in springfield that is absolutely worth talking about and celebrating and i really should’ve brought more attention to that.

i also wanna make something else clear: i don’t think springfield is uniquely affected by propaganda and racist/right wing rhetoric. my city (which is a hop skip and a jump away) has been affected by it too, and long before the haitian immigrants began to settle in springfield. this whole /country/ is seeped in it, especially right now, especially in places like the ohio/the midwest (hello rust belt).

i think i was just angry. angry that somewhere so close to my hometown was making national news in the worst possible way, angry that i had to speak out to my coworkers who were making jokes about it, angry that the problems springfield DOES have are going ignored because of targeted misinformation and corrupt politicians. i’m sorry i misrepresented the city as a whole, i really am - but i do want it to be known that my intent wasn’t to trash springfield or make it sound like there’s nothing there worth making note of. there is! it is a diverse city and there are so many people working to make it a better place. that’s worth celebrating. i just want people to understand that the blatant racism and bigotry being touted by some of the people who live there didn’t spring up overnight, and i wanted to emphasize the thing that make people more susceptible to propaganda: a sense of disenfranchisement.

i still don’t know if i’m getting my point across entirely effectively but i want you to know: i’m sorry, truly, for letting my anger and frustration turn into boiling down a very complex and multi-faceted issue down to a few paragraphs of text. springfield is worth fighting for, for the refugees and the city natives both.

[impishglee]

OP i hope you don’t mind this addition, and i do by and large agree with your post but i thought i’d share my own experience of Friendship in My Mid Twenties, as we are the same age and because growing apart from my friends was something i had really terrible anxiety about as a teen/college student.

When i finished school and my friends and I scattered to different cities, I was so extremely afraid that these people who meant so much to me would fade out of my life. The idea that friends who I spent so much of my time with could become people I rarely talk to was Terrible. Horrible. Devastating heartbreak in slow motion.

It’s now been ~3 years since I finished school. I live halfway across the country from most of my friends from college. And I talk to most of them multiple times week!

I definitely have plenty of friends in the category of “someone i feel close and comfortable and consider a friend to but only talk to every few months,” and those relationships are also legitimate friendships to me, but we have different expectations of each other.

I also put a lot of work into maintaining those friendships that i still talk to weekly+, and that work was reciprocated. It takes more conscious effort when you aren’t in an environment where you’ll naturally be spending a lot of time together.

Having some kind of shared activity that can be done remotely can make a huge difference, my friends and I have been playing dnd together every week. It’s a significant time commitment and dominates a lot of my free time when im off work, but has been more than worth it for me because i both really enjoy ttrpgs and it’s really really helped me maintain my friendships.

another thing I do is when I’m cooking, I just cold call friends and see if anyone picks up and we catch up while I cook. Making a habit of it is the key i think.

This has had trade offs: I dedicate a lot of my social battery to maintaining my pre-existing friendships, so my in person social life is pretty limited and I haven’t made any new friends since finishing school. I’m single and don’t date for a variety of reasons, but I’m sure if that changed I’d have to make some adjustments to make sure I devote some of that time I use to talk to my friends to spending time with a partner.

Things are still different than when I could walk over to their apartment and do my homework on their couch or invite them to eat dinner at my place on a whim. It’s straight up impossible to spend the same amount of time with them when we all have jobs and live in different cities.

But you’re not on some unstoppable path that will make it so you only talk to your friends every few months and eventually your social life will be cordoned off to the Nuclear Family. I don’t think that’s what OP was saying at all, but i think that is a common narrative and that is the fear most people were reacting so strongly to.

How i’ve managed my friendships after leaving college is just one path to take, i chose to focus on keeping friends instead of making new ones. I’m glad I made that choice but it wouldn’t be the right one for everyone. Hell, I made the opposite choice after high school, i don’t talk to anyone from high school even though I remember many of them fondly. And god knows what my social life will look like in five years.

But if you’re in school right now and so so scared about drifting apart from your friends: it’s not inevitable, you can keep them as a big part of your life if they also want to keep you as big part of their life and you both dedicate the time and energy. There’s a lot of paths for a relationship to take.

Friendships as a teenager: we used to talk 5 hours every night now it’s down to 3… are we still friends 🤔? I wonder if they don’t like me anymore

Friendships as an adult: omg I’ve finally cleared up 20 minutes of my schedule to talk to my friend I haven’t spoken to in 4 months #bffs #we will find eachother in every life

[meltotheany]

Goodreads | Amazon US | B&N | Blackwell’s | Bookshop ARC provided by the publisher via Netgalley i feel like before i can say anything about this book, i just have to let you all know that i was born and raised in michigan, even though i moved out west after college. but it is also important to know that michigan people love other michigan people! lol like, i am giggling while typing this, but it is also very true and i have never seen another state have this kind of instant comradery before. my family still lives about three hours away from the traverse city area, but i’ve been there so many times, especially during the summer. and this very long prologue of a review is just to say that emily henry really captured the magic of what is a michigan summer and it was absolutely perfect in my opinion. i’m also not sure a book has ever made me miss home as much as the setting of this book, and i just really wanted to emphasize how phenomenally done it was to me, and i would bet a lot of money she has lived there at some point in her life. okay the actual review – i think i can make a dot here: this book is, ironically enough, a story about one person trying to convince another person to build a home and life in a sleepy little michigan city. but let me not forget to type that these two people’s lives have crossed because both of their significant others have decided to leave them for each other! and our main character, after being dumped the morning after her fiance’s bachelor party, has nowhere to go because she picked up her life and moved it to where she thought she would finally set up roots. so she moves in with her ex’s new girlfriend’s ex (this feels so hard to type out lol), and each chapter starts with a countdown of how many days until a fundraiser at her work, at a local library, happens and then she will be able to leave. but maybe she can actually still set up those roots after the fundraiser, but in an even healthy and happier way (filled with some good healing along the way). “That’s what happens when your life partner leaves you for the nicest, sunniest, prettiest woman in the state of Michigan.” everyone is going to talk about this book on all platforms, so instead of me telling you more about this book, let me tell you some things i really loved about this story with some bullet points (besides the michigan bias, obviously): ➛ there is a very big difference between niceness and kindness and this book really shows that throughout. ➛ as you get older, making new friends can be way harder! and friendship breakups can be just as devastating as romantic breakups! but also, it can be really worth it to let people in, even after you’ve been hurt by doing so with others – maybe especially after that. “You can’t untell someone your secrets. You can’t unsay those delicate truths once you learn you can’t trust the person you handed them to.” ➛ this book also talks about some parental abuse that i honestly do not think i’ve ever read about before, and i know it is going to mean a lot to a lot of people. also the way that miles handles that trauma in the present day was something that really made me feel seen and meant more to me than i have words to put in a review here. “I need it to be okay. Because I need to be okay. As a kid, I just felt so fucking scared and powerless, all the time, and now, I just need to be okay.” ➛ and this is also just such a book about community, and carving out space and safety and love with the people who you trust and want to build a home with. especially when you’ve lived a life of not really having much stability, and the thought of it being taken away makes you scared to start to build it. ➛ libraries will always be the heart of cities, with some of the most powerful tools we have to amplify voices and create change. i am actually typing this up during national library week here, and i just can’t emphasize enough how important these buildings, these safe spaces filled with heart, and these librarians are. i would ge...

[storytimeswithdelilah]

How I met my boyfriend and my best friend almost called the police because she thought I was dead :)

This is my first post I hope you enjoyed my very true but so unserious story times about my silly little life <3

~

Me and my boyfriend have been together for nine months now, however we met in a very unusual way.

I had not long come out of a very disturbing relationship with someone I met in college, they were awful company and very often made me do things I did not want to do. However it was a few months after and we had only been together for a short time before I broke up with them.

I was not actively looking for a relationship at this point however I got a friend request on Snapchat from a boy. I reluctantly accepted and he began typing instantly. This low-key freaked me out being the sad little virgin I was but I waited until he was done. He basically started yapping about something I had no idea about but it sounded like I was supposed to know. I then asked him if I was the person he was supposed to add as I had no idea what he was talking about. He then realised that no, I was not the person he meant to add. He never blocked or removed me and he was just on my Snapchat for a while until he messaged me again saying he found me on instagram and that he thought I was cute. I then proceeded to tell him that was weird and that he was a stalker, I didn’t mean it I was in fact kidding. We began to talk more and more, we spoke for three months before he began to mention meeting up. He did not live near me, he lived in a city about half an hour from where I lived and I was beyond nervous. I’d never met anyone over the internet before and I was certain I’d get kidnapped.

So I began to put it off for as long as I could. Until one day I was out with some friends and he told me I wouldn’t meet him cos I was too pussy, he was joking, but I was drunk. So I challenged him, I was all like oh yeah I’ll meet you tomorrow after college. Why tf did I say that?! As soon as I sent the message I was like wtf what is wrong with me I am freaking out I don’t want to do this. But I couldn’t go back on my word.

My best friend told me I should go but to keep my phone on the whole time and message her updates and also to meet in public so I don’t die. Which was reasonable and I agreed. So on Thursday the 25th of may I got ready and made some dumb excuse that I needed to buy candles so we had to go shopping. I had no intention of buying candles because he was correct, I was a pussy and had no intention on buying anything because I was scared my card would decline for some reason and make everything awkward, I also didn’t want him to pay for anything because that was also scary to me for some reason.

So I got the train to see him and the whole time on the train I wanted to throw up, I also had an uncontrollable wedgie the whole time but that’s unimportant. I got off the train and saw him straight away and to be honest he was cute. And my dumbass said that. That was literally the first thing I said. “Oh how cute are you!” WHO TF SAYS THAT. He got all embarrassed and blushed and I was like Awh but at the same time I was like WHO TF SAYS THAT.

I decided to use my yapping skills to the full and just tell him some bullshit about my life to keep the conversation going which he didn’t seem to mind which was good. He then asked me what I wanted to do and me being weirdly scared of spending money had no idea what to do in this huge city filled with shops and restaraunts. He mentioned that I said I needed candles, so off we went into shops that I had no intention of buying anything from lmao. I’m not still like this now fyi idk why I was so weird.

We then found a spot to sit on in a park and we sat there for a while. We were talking and I remembered how he had asked me to be his girlfriend previously and I said no, I want to meet you before that.

His awkward ass straight up said “so am I your boyfriend now” and I thought that was super funny and I agreed that he in fact was my boyfriend now. I had no problem being his girlfriend I basically knew straight away that I did in fact have insane feelings for him.

However what I did in fact forget to do was update my best friend who was literally tracking my every move. My phone was on silent and I hadn’t messaged her since I got off the train.

We had a walk through the city for a bit and then we sat in the sunset and watched all the skater boys fall off their skateboards. Lmao sorry skaterboys.

I’m Ngl there were so many opportunities to kiss but he literally said he wouldn’t kiss me cause he was scared he would suck. I thought it was cute (he did kiss me on the second date tho)

It began to get cold and late it was like 9pm and he walked me back to the train station and waited with me for my train, before I got on the train he kissed me on my forehead and when I tell you THE BUTTERFLIES

I got on the train and was ready to text my best friend and give her the run down, however my phone died. I didn’t really think much of it in fact my first thought was that my now boyfriend would think I ghosted him.

I knew my mum was at my aunties which wasn’t far from the train station so I went there instead of home so I could charge my phone. When I walked through the door my mum and my best friend were there, my mum looked stressed so did my auntie and my best friend.

“What” was all I said. LMAO WHAT.

They immediately were like where tf were you we thought you died we were gonna call the police. They were all pretty stressed and I was like yeah my phone died. (Literally could not of given less of a fuck, nice one lilah) 😭

But anyways my friend forgave me we had a kebab and now me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 10 months.

And that is how I met him I hope you enjoyed there will definitely be more stories to come because I am a certified oversharer and yapper lmao.

Thanks for taking time out of your day to read <3

[me-andmy-growth]

my best friend wants to go to college, but i want to go to sixth form. call me selfish, but i’m trying to persuade her into coming with me

i can’t imagine a life without her, because it would be a life without the sun and i’d wither away and die knowing i’ll never see her again

she doesn’t know the full extent of my childhood. from the time i was born to when i was 13 my household was full of arguments, hitting, breaking tv’s and phones, snapping fingernails, smashing glasses, blood, police, you get the gist

it wasn’t until i was 13 did things start to calm down. but those 13 years fuck a child up, and i was labelled a weird kid, and i was fine with that, i guess

i had one friend in primary (or elementary for americans) school, but i immediately blocked her and removed her from my life the moment i left at 12

it was my best friend that came up to me in that god forsaken french lesson, our first one. she recognised that our surnames are of the same ethnicity, and we clicked from there

we are inseparable. we hang out every week going from my house to her house to different cities. we laughed and we cried and we danced and we cheered and we rested together. we’ve never once had an argument

but i’m scared that this will be it. that if she leaves for college, i’ll be stuck all alone in sixth form. call me selfish, call me lonely, but i love her, she’s practically my sister, my second half, my platonic soulmate

without her next to me, without her comforting presence and the structured foundation she built as support below me, i’ll crumble and fall into loneliness

i can’t socialise with people. i just can’t. i mean, i can, but i would rather slit my wrists than replace her. she lost someone she was friends with for 11 years and she didn’t seem that affected. maybe it’ll be the same for me

maybe i don’t matter the way she matters to me, but i would genuinely rather suffer and beat it it meant another 2 years with her. i can’t let it end this way

if it does i’ll fall. i’ll crumble. i’ll fall apart. i don’t know what to do with her

why am i crying so much? maybe i’m close to my period. i’m crying because i’m sad she’ll leave. because she’s one of a kind. because she understands me. because there’ll never be a second her.

who else will laugh at my stupid annoying jokes? who else will understand our stupid inside jokes?

who else will hold me as i cry and cry and cry even though i’m meant to be strong and i’m meant to be the one she’s leaning on and not the other way around?

i’m pathetic and i’m selfish and i’m useless and my family is right

ill amount to nothing in my life

i can’t do anything right

i should kill myself

[herrothereworld]

Wowzers

July 8, 2023

Hello World,

Long time no talk, but here I am. Oh man I got a lot to update you on. Kinda wished I remembered to put dates on my couple posts but oh well.

Well first things first, remember that boo I was talking about in the last post? Well I broke up with him about 6 months later, it just wasn’t meant to be. While there were good things about the relationship, I have grown and learned a lot about myself and what I want in someone, and I learned he just wasn’t the right fit for me.

Do you also remember that accounting job I was talking about at the big company? Well I ended up not even taking the job, I ultimately decided the amount of hours and effort from me wasn’t worth having to juggle with, on top of still being in school full time. But that’s okay, I know for a fact that there will be plenty of opportunities for me in the future. Funny enough, I actually started an online course to refresh my accounting knowledge for when I go back to school in the fall.

Did I say go back to school? Oh yeah, I graduated! BA in Economics, 3.5 years and now here I am. I’m currently in the process of getting a CPA license in order to make myself more marketable in the accounting field, because I am on a mission to move out and be financially independent.

Remember the job I told you about while working with kids? Well about a year ago, I got a promotion and now I’m a supervisor and I’m getting paid more, which is a start as a recent college grad but the only way can be up.

While there have been many good things that have happened in the time since I last posted, a good amount had to change whether for better or worse. The friend trio, well I had to cut one of them off for being incredibly selfish and irresponsible but I’m still great friends with the other one to this day.

Since I broke up with the first guy, I had a few prospects but there was one that definitely popped out from the rest. I had a crush on a guy for about a year and literally nothing came up of it. I was friends with me crushing on him behind the scenes to the point where I told him to his face and nothing happened. My heart was absolutely shattered but I eventually got over him and then I met Hunter.

I met Hunter at a concert in November, and it was for an artist that me and my friend had discovered since he was the opener for a previous band we had gone to see. Me and my four other friends happened to jam out with him and his friend, and eventually me and my friend meet up with him and his friend at a nearby bar. While we started off as friends, things got romantic and here we are.

Now enough about my romantic life, my family life has been pretty decent. For starters, my sister moved back home and bought her first house, so it’s been nice being able to see her whenever I want.

I’ve made so many new friends that I hold dear that I didn’t even know I would encounter the last time I posted. We’re all about to graduate in the next couple years and I’m very excited and scared for what the future has in store for us.

I have grown so much as a person, it’s insane to see how much I have changed the last time I made an entry. I now travel solo every 6 months to a new city in the country and my goal is to be able to travel abroad solo.

I now make fitness a really big part of my life. Am I going out and competing? No, but I have been very consistent on going to the gym and working out for the past year and a half and I’m really proud of myself for that.

Woah, life has been an absolute rollercoaster and it’s such a trip to read my current post compared to all the ones before it.

While it may sound like everything has been going good, there’s definitely places of improvement but don’t worry, I’m working on it. These things take time and patience, and I really excited for what’s in store for me next.

[supernovafics]

𝐒𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐍

pairing: post nwh!peter parker x fem!reader

summary:  in which you didn’t expect to become friends with peter, in fact, you wanted to avoid him at all costs after the first time you meet one another it isn’t during the best of circumstances for you. however, after a few more chance encounters, you both discover that you may need each other more than you both are letting on 

warnings: post no way home, angst, trauma/violence involving a parent (not heavily described), minor fluff

word count: 4.5k words 

author’s note: not the happiest thing i’ve written in a while but it’s hopeful??? idk,, anyway enjoy though! (full folklore series masterlist here)

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

❝ please picture me in the trees. i hit my peak at seven feet. in the swing, over the creek. i was too scared to jump in. ❞ 

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

You hadn’t meant to fall asleep on the roof. 

When you went up there, it was just to get away from everything going on downstairs in your apartment, like usual. But this time you had fallen asleep, and that wasn’t even the embarrassing part of it all. 

The embarrassing part was the fact that it was a random guy tapping your shoulder that woke you up. You were almost too mortified to open your eyes because you knew that he probably thought you were some random girl that drunkenly wandered up there and passed out in one of the rusty old lawn chairs that were scattered on the roof, even though you were quite literally the opposite. 

“Hey, are you okay?” He asked, and through his brown eyes, you could tell that he actually seemed concerned about you. 

You rubbed the tiredness out of your eyes and noticed how the sky looked, a soft orange covering the city, which indicated that the sun was about to rise. You pulled your phone out of the pocket of the hoodie you were wearing that had your college’s name written across it and checked the time; 6:07 a.m. You were actually surprised you had been up there for almost six hours and had not woken up once. But, it also did make sense because of how exhausted you had been lately.

“I’m fine,” You ultimately responded to the guy. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep up here.” 

He nodded at that, and you stood up from the lawn chair, scanning the area around you to see if there was something you may have dropped while you’d been sleeping. You knew you didn’t bring anything up there with you besides your phone and keys because of how quickly you had been rushing out of your apartment, but it was a habit of yours to always see if there was something left behind. 

You thought about what the next few minutes of your life would entail. You needed to head back to the apartment, mainly to get a few more hours of sleep before heading to your shift at the bookstore you now worked at. And your dad was probably fast asleep on the couch, so it would be easy for you to walk in without interacting with him, which was a big win in your book. 

A part of you silently wondered what the guy you sort of just met was doing on the roof right then, but you decided not to ask. If a person was up there that early it was probably because they wanted to make sure they were alone, it was the same way you had felt last night. 

“Well,” You started, grabbing the guy’s attention. Your hand lifted in a quick wave before you began heading to the door that led back into the apartment building. “Bye.”

He gave you a small smile and waved back, and nothing more was said as you made your way inside. 

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

❝ sweet tea in the summer. cross my heart, won't tell no other. and though i can't recall your face. i still got love for you. ❞ 

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

When you were younger, you loved the summertime. However, now, you kind of hated it. Because it meant that you were stuck in New York, specifically stuck with your dad, for nearly four months until the Fall semester started. 

You had tried to do anything to not have to go back home during the summer, searching for an internship or study abroad program that was anywhere but New York. However, when you were rejected from every internship you applied for, and the scholarship you were given wasn’t enough to allow you to study abroad, you ended up back at the place that back in high school, you had been so desperate to leave. 

However, the one thing you still loved about the summer was the weather, and that aspect of it especially benefited you right then because you had once again fallen asleep on the roof of the apartment building. 

That night, you were in your room when you heard the front door slam shut, and you knew that you had to get out before things took a turn for the worst, as they always did with your dad, and you were smart enough now to know how to avoid him when he got in one of his drunken, hostile moods. 

After you slipped on a hoodie and put your keys and cellphone into the pocket of the sweatpants you were wearing, you successfully managed to step out of the front door without your dad noticing you. 

Many moments later, after grabbing a sandwich from the bodega down the street before they closed, you found yourself up on the roof, the only place that felt like a solid and secure form of refuge for you now. 

You had been away from it all, your dad and the turmoil he created, for so long since you were at school that it wasn’t enough anymore to just lock your door and pretend that you didn’t hear his angry words directed at whoever was on the other end of a phone call, or the sounds of furniture crashing around in the living room before he got tired and passed out. 

You needed to get away from all of that because hearing that now only made you remember how often you used to cry yourself to sleep because you were scared shitless that his anger would turn toward you, and you weren’t entirely sure what he was capable of if that were to happen. 

It wasn’t even surprising to you that you fell asleep on the roof again. In fact, you were planning on it because you set an alarm for three in the morning so that you could head back to the apartment when you knew things would be calm. 

However, you must have subconsciously turned it off when it started ringing at three because it was a tap on your shoulder that woke you up instead of the incessant noise of your alarm. 

“Jesus Christ,” You said when you opened your eyes, and it was the same brown-haired guy from before. You could only wonder what he thought of you at this point. “Hey, again.”

“Hi, sorry for startling you,” He said. “I wasn’t gonna wake you up again because I thought it would seem really weird that this is happening the second time this week. But, apparently, it’s supposed to rain soon, and I’d feel bad if I let you get woken up like that.”

You took note of the dark clouds above your head and nodded at his words. “Thanks. And I really mean that. Rain would’ve been the shittiest wake-up call.” 

You checked your phone, and it was once again six in the morning. “Are you always up here this early?”

The guy almost laughed at that. “I could ask you a very similar question.”

“Well, then it’s a good thing I asked mine first,” You said, knowing that he couldn’t rebuttal that statement.

He thought about your previous question for a few moments before ultimately shrugging. “I just like it up here, especially in the mornings. It’s always quiet, and it’s nice to see the sunrise, even though today’s not the best sunrise weather.” 

You couldn’t help but smile at how simplistic his answer was; you wished your reasoning was as easy as that. 

“So, why did you fall asleep up here again?”

There was no way that you could, and would, tell him the truth about why you’d fallen asleep up there again, even if you hadn’t heard his easygoing response as to why he was currently up there. It was embarrassing to talk about your dad and how horrible he was sometimes, which was the cause of why you headed to the roof more often than not. 

As you opened your mouth to let some sort of a lie fall out, your phone began ringing. It was a very “saved by the bell” kind of moment, and you were quite grateful for it. You pulled out your phone and saw that it was Sarah, the owner of the small used bookstore that you were working at for the summer. The job didn’t allow you to leave New York as you wanted from an internship or study abroad program, but it still kept you busy, and you actually didn’t mind it. 

“Hi, Y/N, good morning. Joan is having some issues with her kid; I think they’re sick or something, I don’t know. But, anyway, she can’t open the shop today. Can you do it?” Sarah asked, speaking fast as she did so. It was something that you came to learn was not at all out of the ordinary for her. “I know it’s only an hour's notice, so it’s completely okay if you can’t, but I still thought I’d ask.”

You liked Sarah, she was a thirty-something-year-old woman who inherited the used bookstore from her grandmother, and you could tell she truly cared about the place. 

“Yes, I can. I’ll be there,” You told her, mainly because it gave you a reason to leave the guy in front of you and not have to answer his question or any others that would come up. 

“That’s great! You’re the best,” Sarah responded, and you could practically hear the smile in her voice. “The dry cleaners next door have a spare key, so you can use that to get in. I’ll let them know you’re gonna be coming for it.”

“Okay,” You said, nodding along even though she couldn’t see you. “I’ll text you when I’m in the shop.”

“Sounds great. Talk to you later.”

“Yup, bye.” You hung up and placed your phone back in your pocket. 

You looked over at the brown-haired guy; his attention was pulled elsewhere as he stood at the edge of the roof and looked down at the street.

“I have to go again,” You spoke loud enough to grab his attention. You knew that you could have just left, and he probably wouldn’t have noticed for a bit, but something about that felt wrong and a little mean, and even though you really didn’t want to talk to him, you also didn’t want to be an asshole. 

He nodded his head at your previous words. “See you later.”

“Yeah, see you around,” You said, although you sincerely hoped that you would never see him again because you knew that the situation would only cause you embarrassment like the past two incidents did. 

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

❝ i think your house is haunted. your dad is always mad and that must be why. ❞

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Maybe the universe truly enjoyed seeing you suffer. 

That was the only explanation that you could think of to possibly explain why you were once again seeing the guy from the roof. 

The random meeting surprisingly did not occur up there this time, you had actually been actively avoiding the roof for the past few weeks, and when you couldn’t avoid it, you made sure to leave long before sunrise. Instead, it was the bookstore where you saw him again. Well, technically, he saw you first because when you heard the words, “Holy crap,” not so subtly muttered out, that caused you to look up from where you were behind the front counter and see him. 

“Wow,” You said, but internally so he couldn’t hear your surprise, but he could probably read it clearly on your face. 

“Roof girl,” He greeted you as he walked up to the counter. 

“Alarm clock guy,” You greeted back and offered him a small smile, having the smile mask your current confusion. 

He almost laughed at that nickname. “I swear this is purely accidental.”

“Okay,” You said, still feeling slightly hesitant, though, because this all felt way too insane to be just a simple coincidence. “Anyway, do you need help finding something specific, or are you just looking around?”

The guy quickly began nodding his head. “Yeah, I need GED study books. I called yesterday, and someone said you had some here.”

You thought about his words for a few moments. Yesterday was your only day off that week, so maybe this abrupt meeting was truly just a weird coincidence. 

“Yeah, we do have some. Follow me,” You told him and then moved from behind the counter. He was a few steps behind you as you began bobbing and maneuvering between the tight aisles until you got to the one you needed. 

The study books were both a small section and one that no one would often venture into. Mainly because nobody wanted to buy an SAT or ACT study book from nearly ten years ago; everything about the tests had probably changed by now. 

You grabbed the three books that were for GED practice off the shelf and handed them to him. 

He flipped through a few of the pages of the one on top of the stack and then looked up at you. “Thanks.”

You nodded your head and lifted your shoulders in a slight shrug. “Yeah, no problem. And you can take them for free. I’m sure they’ve been sitting on the shelves for years.”  

“You don’t have to do that.”

“I know, but it’s fine. Honestly.”

“I’m Peter, by the way,” He told you, and you studied his face for a brief second, wondering if you would’ve guessed his name was that before he said it. “After all the times we’ve kinda “run” into each other, is it weird that we don’t know each other’s names?”

You didn’t think it was weird at all, mainly because every time you saw him, you wanted to avoid it from happening again. But you didn’t want to say that out loud, especially to the guy you now formally knew as Peter.  

“I’m Y/N,” You said instead and offered a small smile. 

Your eyes wandered to the spine of the other books in the aisle, scanning the various titles, most of them foreign to you. Some of the names stood out to you, and you took a mental note to check them out later when it was once again empty in the shop. 

Silently, you wondered why Peter was still there in the bookstore, now also looking at random books as you were. The transaction was seemingly over, he got the books he came for, and you gave them to him. So, what was he sticking around for?

“Okay,” His voice broke through your thoughts and the prevailing silence, and you looked at him. “This might sound slightly offensive, and I’m sorry if it is, but I have to ask. Do you live there?”

You bit back the laughter that was threatening to fall from your lips. “No, I don’t live on the roof.”

“I meant in the apartment building.”

“Oh, yeah, I do,” You responded, and then your eyebrows furrowed. “Why would I be offended by that?”

“Just in case you didn’t live there,” Peter said. “Things probably would’ve been pretty awkward right now if your answer was no.”

You considered his words for a moment and ultimately agreed. Things still felt just generally a little awkward, though, since the two of you were still basically strangers. “True, but yeah, I live in the building,” You said and then thought, “Sadly.”

“So,” He began, and you had a feeling what his next words would be. “Why do you sleep on the roof?” 

You were quiet at first. You didn’t really want to answer the question, but something about the smallness of the aisle made it feel a bit easier to finally let out the truth to someone. 

A small sigh fell from your lips before you finally began speaking. “Sometimes, I have issues with my dad. He gets drunk and angry, and it’s better to just leave for a bit than let things escalate.”

You had avoided eye contact with Peter the entire time you spoke, but when you were finished, you finally met his gaze. He looked genuinely concerned about you; it reminded you of the look on his face the first time he woke you up on the roof. 

“Has he ever… hurt you?” His words came out soft and quietly, but they still completely filled up the small area. 

You were quick to shake your head, almost as if you wanted to defend your dad or downplay your whole situation, even though it was pretty much the opposite of something that should be downplayed. “No, no, luckily. I’m always gone, or I’ve locked myself in my room before it could get that far.”

“I’m sorry,” He said, his voice once again soft and his gaze broken from yours. 

The new look on his face, which you could only describe as sorrow and pity, made you feel mixed emotions. On the one hand, you were annoyed that he felt sorry for you because you really did not want anyone’s pity. However, the other part of you felt warmed at the fact that he seemed to care about you, at least a little bit. 

You opened your mouth to say something and then closed it when you realized you didn’t know what you wanted to say to Peter right then. So, instead, you moved out of the small aisle and went back to standing behind the front counter, putting an abrupt but much-needed end to the little truth circle moment you two had. 

Peter followed you and stood in front of the counter, placing the study books in his hands on the wooden countertop. You were going to remind him that they were free, but he began speaking before you could say anything. 

“What about other family? Do you have anyone else that you could live with instead?” He asked. Apparently, he hadn’t sensed that the moment was supposed to be over.

You let out a small sigh but for some reason, still found yourself answering his question. “My mom hasn’t really been around since I was ten, and there really isn’t anyone else. So, maybe I should feel lucky that my dad at least wants something to do with me.”

You knew you couldn’t justify your dad’s volatile behavior solely because your mom was long gone and had been for years. Because in the end, bad was bad, no matter how much of a slightly lesser evil one thing was over the other. However, it felt easier and almost second nature to pretend that everything was at least somewhat better than it actually was. 

“If things get bad, you can always come to my apartment. I’m in 628,” Peter told you, and you could practically hear the sincerity dripping off of every word. “And I mean that in a completely non-creepy way.”

“You don’t give off creepy vibes at all. Actually, probably the exact opposite. So, thanks for the offer,” You said, although you knew you would never take him up on it. 

It wasn’t that you didn't like the guy you now knew as Peter, but instead you just truly wanted to forget that the conversation with him ever happened. You wanted to forget that you shared way too much with him, and you especially wanted to forget how nice and caring he was toward you. And in order to fully forget everything, you could never show up at his apartment, although the exact apartment number he told you was already ingrained in your brain. 

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

❝ i think you should come live with me and we can be pirates. then you won't have to cry or hide in the closet. ❞

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

You shouldn’t have been there, and you really wished that you didn’t have to be there, yet your knuckles still rapped against the door in three quick knocks. 

It was weird because you found yourself not wanting to be alone right then after what had just happened; instead, you wanted a friend. And although you were reluctant to admit it, Peter was sort of the closest to a friend that you had right then. He told you his apartment number so that you could come if things got bad again; that was something a friend would do.

“Hi,” You said when Peter opened the door. He looked as if he had just been sleeping and had the attire to match, a wrinkled t-shirt and sweatpants; that was not too surprising to you since it was almost one in the morning. “I’m really sorry for waking you up.”

“No, no, it’s fine,” He rubbed his eyes and then opened up the door further so that you could entire the apartment. “Is everything okay?”

Your mind briefly traveled back to what had just happened with your dad before you quickly pushed it away because you truly wanted to put that out of your head for the time being.

“No,” You stated honestly as you walked inside, and he closed the door behind you both. “But, I also don’t really wanna explain why right now.” 

You hadn’t necessarily thought about what the inside of Peter’s apartment would look like, but you could definitely say that you didn’t expect it to be so empty. There were the basics; a bed, a nightstand, a dresser– but it was absent of pictures, color, anything that could potentially make it feel like a home. That made you realize that there was a lot you didn’t know about him. 

“Did you just move in?”

“Yeah, it’s only been a few months,” He answered, and it was quiet for a brief moment before he asked, “Do you want something to drink?”

“Water would be good,” You responded, and Peter nodded before heading to the small kitchen area.

You continued to look around the space as you fumbled with your hands, pulling them out of the front pocket of your hoodie and then placing them back in there because there was nothing else you could think of doing. It was kind of dark, only a small lamp on the nightstand in the corner lighting up the studio apartment. However, something about the minor darkness made you feel a bit more comfortable. 

“Thank you,” You said when Peter handed you the water.

You walked toward the bed and sat down on the floor, leaning back against the bed frame. Something about sitting on the actual bed felt a little weird to you, although you were very unsure how clean the floor even was. Peter took a seat next to you but left some space between you both. 

You took a long sip from the glass in your hand, allowing a silence to surround you both. It was hard to determine if the quiet was comfortable or awkward, but overall it felt quite indifferent. 

“I shouldn’t be here.” 

“Why did you come here instead of going to the roof?” Peter asked, and you could feel his gaze on you, but you were staring straight ahead. 

A small sigh fell from your lips. “Coming here felt like a better idea than going to the roof; I didn’t want to be alone. Honestly, I kind of trust you, but I don’t know why, though. And I feel like it’s dumb that I do because I know almost nothing about you. Aside from you liking to watch the sunrise on the roof, which is so cheesy but also quite wholesome.”

Your truthful words hung in the air for a few long moments as you waited for Peter to say something, anything, in response.

“I lied before. Well, not really a lie, but I didn’t tell the whole truth.” His statement should have at least slightly concerned you, but for some reason, it didn’t. 

You turned to meet his gaze, but now it was his eyes that were focused on the window straight ahead. “When? About what?” 

“I don’t just go up to the roof to watch the sunrise,” He started, and something about his now almost stiff and nervous demeanor made you understand that what he was going to say wouldn’t be easy for him. “I, uh, I don’t have anybody anymore. Everybody that used to be in my life, they’ve… they’re gone. So, when I go up on the roof, I feel just a little less lonely because I look at all of the random people walking around below on the street, and some of them are alone too, and some aren’t, but either way, they’re all just living their lives, and it’s nice to see.”

You let Peter’s words sit with you for a few moments. You truly wanted to know more about him and his situation, but something about his somber tone let you know that it wasn’t something that he would want to talk about further. Therefore, instead, you shifted closer to him, closing the small gap between you both, and reached over to give his hand a light squeeze, a way to nonverbally say, “You’re not alone.”

In a weird, sad way, it was almost funny because you showed up at Peter’s apartment because you didn’t want to be alone after what happened with your dad, and it turned out he was lonely too. Maybe the saying was true; everybody really did need somebody. 

You took another long sip from the glass of water, finishing it, and you suddenly wished that it contained something a bit stronger. 

“Do you wanna talk about what happened tonight?” Peter’s question did not surprise you at all, because you knew that it would have to come up eventually. 

No, you’d rather not talk about what events brought you to his apartment, but yes, you were going to do so anyway because you surprisingly felt comfortable around him. 

“My dad finally noticed that I leave almost every night. He conveniently did not realize that it is because of him. Anyway, so he noticed and got really pissed at me, and I stupidly argued back and tried to defend myself. And then he pushed me, and I fell, crashing right into the edge of the kitchen table as I did,” You lifted your hoodie a bit to show the bruise that was already beginning to form on the side of your torso. You couldn’t look at it like Peter now was because if you did, you knew you would start crying, like you almost had when it first happened. “He’ll apologize for it in the morning.”

“You don’t deserve this,” Peter told you. His voice was quiet, but you could hear the seriousness in his tone. 

“I know,” You sighed and looked away from him. Instead, you leaned your head against his shoulder. “But, I have zero other options. So, I just have to suffer through these next three years until I graduate from college and can get a job that’s far away from here and from him. And I can make sure that I only talk to him and see him when he’s in good moods and happy. And not at all during these dark times.”

Peter wanted to tell you that three years seemed like way too long, and there had to be something else you could do. But he didn’t say anything. 

Because he knew that you didn’t want someone to try and solve your problems, you just wanted someone to listen to you, to hear you, and maybe even provide a little help when the shit in your life got too tough. 

And Peter wanted to be that person for you. So, instead of saying anything, he grabbed your hand and gave it a soft, reassuring squeeze, like you had for him, and let you know that you also weren’t alone either, and everything would eventually be okay.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. 

❝ pack your dolls and a sweater. we'll move to india forever. passed down like folk songs. our love lasts so long. ❞

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

let me know ur thoughts<33

[jungkxook]

—make it right. (m)

⟶ pairing: jungkook x reader 

⟶ genre: punk!jungkook / band au / exes-to-lovers au / angst / smut

⟶ words: 11,528

⟶ rating: 18+ 

⟶ summary: you’re wholeheartedly, madly in love with jungkook and yet you shouldn’t be because it’s been almost a year since you broke up with him. worst part of it all is that you know he’s still in love with you too

⟶ warnings: jungkook has a tongue piercing, oral sex because of said tongue piercing (fem!recieving), more tattooed and long haired jungkook to feed my fantasies, angsty pining clingy sex, also just general soft sex, crying sex lol, riding, creampie, slight praise kink themes, unprotected sex

⟶ disclaimer: here’s my one year blog anniversary present inspired by the first ever fic i posted on here! yes this is technically a sequel to melomaniac but not really. sort of like an alternate universe to the alternate universe but you don’t really have to read one or the other to understand the other. so, i hope you enjoy!

⟶ this is part of the melodrama tour series!

You swear you’re over Jungkook.

In fact, you would even go so far as to say you hate him ━ but you know that’s not true. It’s just that it’s much easier to believe that if you tell yourself you hate him enough times, then maybe you’ll find a way to fix your broken heart, and the pain in his absence won’t hurt so bad. 

As it turns out, it hardly works.

Seven months since he had left you to travel the world with his band, basking in promised eternal glory and fame and money, and yet even miles and oceans away from where you stand, he’s all you can think about. There’s a myriad of reasons as to why trying to forget him was an useless endeavour. The hardships of trying to forget a cherished life-long friendship you had grown accustomed to was one of them, and those lingering happy moments you had shared with him as lovers however fleeting they may be was another. But then there was the ever present fact that Jungkook and his band were so quick to rise to fame, their names far exceeding the seemingly cramped and small city you had both reigned from, and suddenly the boy you had known forever, and everything special that makes him, was now being shared to hundreds of millions of adoring fans.

You were certain it was all Jungkook ever wanted, the added attention and the pretty girls fawning over him, because he had always been a casanova in many ways despite always promising you that you were the only one for him even before you had started dating. You had told him it wouldn’t work ━ I trust you as my best friend, you had said in a moment of despair, grasping at straws. I don’t have to worry about you breaking my heart. But I don’t know if I can trust you as my boyfriend ━ far before he and his band had been signed to their record label and paraded around the world, when they were still practicing in rented storage units and friends’ garages and rundown local studios, playing gigs anywhere and everywhere from dingy bars to college campus parties, supporting him every step of the way if only because he was your best friend, and he had been so persistent that it would work, chasing after you even when you tried to push him away. I would treat you right, he had urged so ardently late one drunken night after stumbling back to his apartment. I already practically worship the ground you walk on.

And how could you ━ who had already been so madly in love with him but scared of him breaking your heart, scared of losing him, scared of this happening ━ ever resist him? He made love seem so easy, and maybe that’s because it was when you were with him. But now, he was no longer yours; now, he was the world’s, and you were nothing but a mere hazy fragmented memory in his mind, long forgotten, watching from the side of the stage much like you always had from the very start of it all.

“Hey, isn’t this that band?” Jihyo’s voice bursts through your wandering trail of thoughts.

It takes you a moment to recollect yourself, finding yourself not in the arms of an ex-lover or stuck in a bygone time of months past, but in the cosy and amiable café nearest your campus and frequented by a plethora of your fellow peers. You’re fortunate to find that your other group mates have also become sidetracked, trailing far from the assignment you were all supposed to be working on. Dahyun is perched beside you, chin nestled in the palm of her hand and elbow propped on the table as she scrolls aimlessly through her phone; Jihyo and Taeyong were sat across from you, gossiping fervently about some mutual friend of theirs. You hadn’t known the pair long enough to know much about them or the tragic affair of whoever Mina is for accepting her cheating boyfriend back for the second time, and, likewise, they seem oblivious to your own self-wallowing once you realize what’s caught Jihyo’s sudden attention.

You hear his voice first.

It’s easy to discern, even after all this time and even amongst the muffled chatter and clanking of porcelain and cutlery of those seated around you. The sweet, velvety lull of Jungkook singing throughout the café from the overhead speakers, pretty upbeat melodies and synths mixed with wistful words making up the song he had written for you before he left, before the fame and fans, as a way of telling you how he truly felt about you. It feels like a dream, and maybe that’s because it is, bringing you instantly to another time, and another world. You still remember him showing you the unfinished song for the very first time, curled up next to him in his living room, listening to him serenade you to sleep, humming in places where he hadn’t formed the words yet, strumming along with his acoustic. It was yours and his until he showed the world almost a year ago on their very first show at the Seoul Olympic Stadium in front of thousands of people, as a final desperate act of proclaiming his love for you after a disastrous attempt at a first date that he had begged from you. Just one, he pleaded. To prove it to you that I can be a good boyfriend. And if things don’t work out, we can pretend it never happened and just go back to being us. That’s a promise.

At the time, you had treasured the song. It was beautiful in every way, his love transcending his words and enveloping your heart in pure warmth.

Now, you hate it.

It’s the third time you’ve heard the song that day. Despite avoiding it as best as you could, it seems to find a way to make itself known in your daily life like the nagging nuisance it is. Because fate seemed to enjoy its sadistic behaviour of having the song be one of the main reasons Jungkook and his band had skyrocketed to fame in such a short span of time and, suddenly, Jungkook disappearing from your life meant little when his voice remained as a constant reminder of what could have been, what couldn’t have been, and what fell apart at the already fragile seams. And what was a proclamation of love to you turned into nothing but a fabled tale of lovers. You wonder if people who hear it ever think about where they’ve gone, or who they’ve turned into, or if their love was made to last. You wonder, above all else, if people ever think about it at all.

“Beyond the Scene, right?” Taeyong asks. He seems just as animated to be discussing the song as Jungkook’s voice fades into Jimin’s.

“God, I love this song. It’s so dreamy,” Jihyo lets out a longing sigh as she slumps against her seat. “Y’know, I’m seeing them this Friday. It’s their first time being back in, like, five months.”

“Dude, I’ve been trying to get tickets to see them for months now!” Taeyong gaps incredulously. “How’d you score them?”

“A friend of a friend knows the guy who plays keys,” Jihyo says. “The cute mysterious one.”

“Yoongi, right?”

“Yeah━”

As the pair dive into a passionate discussion about the boys and their first full-length album released under their recently-signed-to label from Columbia Records, you shift uncomfortably in your seat. Dahyun almost immediately straightens up, eyes flickering from the pair to you and back again. You’re both fortunate she’s there, having known your past with Jungkook, and despise it a little more, wondering what her pitying gaze must mean.

“Hey, Dahyun. Y/N.” Taeyong’s voice grabs your attention now. “What do you think of these guys? Didn’t some of them used to go to this school?”

“Yeah, I had a few classes with their drummer.” Dahyun waves her hand airly, swiftly brushing over the fact that she did far more than have a “few classes” with any of the boys but was also one of their closest friends. “I think they’re great━” She glances sideways at you one more time. “Hey, maybe we should get back to the assignment now━”

“I had a class with their lead guitarist, Jungkook, last year,” Jihyo continues, her excitement getting the best of her as Dahyun’s voice drowns out in the foreground.

“No way!” This dubious exclamation comes from Taeyong.

“I tried talking to him once but he totally blew me off,” Jihyo says. “Which is fine, because he’s still hot. If I had known he was gonna be a famous rockstar, I’d have tried asking him out a second time━”

Suddenly, you feel sick.

It’s odd to hear two strangers discuss Jungkook’s life while you’re seated across from them, as if you’re nothing more than an outsider to whoever Jungkook has become now. But you can’t stand it anymore. You’re certain you look insane to them when you push your seat back abruptly, the metal legs screeching against the floor as you stand.

“Whoa, what’s wrong━?” Taeyong starts to ask but you’re gone before he can finish the question, murmuring a half-hearted excuse about how you forgot you needed to be somewhere.

You’ve rounded on your heel and have fled from the café before anyone can try to stop you, with nothing but Jungkook’s mellifluous voice fading in the distance as he croons aloud for you in a time long since passed.

You don’t care. Besides, you’re sure Dahyun will cover for you.

The worst part of it all? The dreadful realization that sinks into your mind, and into your heart, beckons the question: who’s to say you aren’t a stranger now to Jungkook’s life altogether?

“So, what are you trying to say?”

You remember the moment so clearly despite wanting nothing more than to forget it all, and the pain associated with it. Because even from then you knew you would always be in love with Jungkook, but you couldn’t have him. It’s hard to remember whose fault it is this time that caused the sudden fight, though random little arguments had been a frequent occurrence nearing the end of your one year relationship more often than not. You hate blaming it all on him, because you were certain you were at fault too. Maybe a little bit wary at times, a little selfish, wanting him all to yourself. Even though you knew he has an obligation to the world, it still hurt when he started making promises he couldn’t keep, blowing you off for soundchecks, or spontaneous interviews, or record label meetings. More and more you could feel the both of you drifting apart, maybe without even meaning for it to happen.

It was just that Jungkook was destined for a lifetime of greatness, and you were starting to think that meant without you.

You had stopped him late one night after he had stumbled home from his and the band’s nightly studio sessions as they worked through recording their debut album as a signed band. Lately, it seemed as if that was all that Jungkook cared about, and while you knew the band meant the world to him and you would always support him in his endeavour, you couldn’t help but feel lesser in comparison. That, and you hated seeing the boy overwork himself to the point of near exhaustion every night if only because their label was so adamant about having the album finished before the month ended.

“You want to, what? Break up?” Jungkook asked, this time more incredulously and less dumbfounded as he had initially been. He didn’t believe you just yet, but you couldn’t exactly tell what he was thinking anymore at that point.

“I just figured we could use some time apart,” You had suggested awkwardly. “Just a break.”

He had let out a breathless, disbelieving laugh. “Y/N, this is insane.”

You flinched. You remember having to look away, refusing to meet his suddenly sorrowful look. “Is it, Jungkook? I mean… Look at us. We’re falling apart. It was bound to happen eventually. We tried to make it work but maybe we’re on different paths now.”

“But I love you,” Jungkook gasped, exasperated. “Where is this coming from?”

“And I don’t want to have to tie you down for the rest of your life,” You continued on stubbornly, “or make you think you owe me your whole life just because you said you fell in love with me when you were thirteen━”

This seemed to catch Jungkook’s attention. He grew rigid in front of you, a look of wary agony contorting his face. “Is that what this is then? You don’t love me anymore?”

You didn’t respond immediately, instead the dread of the night seemed to finally catch up with you and you had grimaced. You had loved him even then, but the thought of voicing it aloud when you were supposed to be breaking up with him didn’t feel right. The tears began to swell in your throat and blur your vision. Jungkook must have noticed, because he always seems to spot the small things about you that even you miss. Almost instantly, the sour look on his face softened and his gaze turned helpless, with those big puppy-dog eyes that you’ve always been too fond of. He closed the distance between you at once, warm hands grabbing at your own.

“You do.” It wasn’t a question, but a statement. He knew you were still in love with him ━ or maybe he’d just been hopeful. “I know you do. So then why are you breaking up with me?” 

He let go of one of your hands to reach up to your face, calloused fingers gentle and soft against your cheek as they brushed away a rogue tear you hadn’t realized had fallen from your lashes. For a moment, you had let yourself get carried away. You leaned into the comforting heat and touch of his palm as he cradled your face.

“Don’t━” You choked out after a moment of silence, hating when your voice splintered into a sob. “Don’t touch me. Please, Jungkook. You’re only going to make this harder.”

His hands sprang away from your face almost at once, as if he had just been burnt by scalding fire. He wanted nothing more than to reach out and pull you into his arms but he had refrained the urge somehow, miraculously. So, instead, he grit his teeth and clenched his hands into fists as his arms fell limp at his sides.

“Then don’t do this. Don’t walk away,” Jungkook pleaded desperately. “I don’t understand. If you love me still, why are you making this harder for yourself?”

“Because what if that’s all we have in common anymore?” You asked wretchedly. “We care about each other. We always will. But you’re focused on the band, and this is my last year of school. Maybe we just need time to focus on ourselves.”

Jungkook blinked once. Twice. His stare was suddenly devoid of any emotion as he gawked at you, but you could tell that he was hurting. It was there in the fluttering of nerves in his jaw; there, in the way his lips pulled taut into a thin line; there, in the way even you could see his eyes begin to shimmer with wet tears that he unabashedly displays without trying to wipe away.

“So that’s it?” he asked. “After everything we’ve been through. You’re just gonna end it, like that? Y/N, come on━”

His hands had found purchase on your waist, and you had lingered for a moment too long; then, fumbling, he tried to grab delicately at your face, probing you to look at him. But you couldn’t. The moment you met his wounded gaze, you shook your head furiously. You had slithered out of his grasp, slipping through the seams of his fingers just like that.

“I━” You paused. “This isn’t some spur of the moment decision, Jungkook. How can you not see it? I’ve felt so alone these past few months. It’s like you’re here but not entirely. Your mind is always somewhere else, always thinking about the band and never about us.”

“What am I supposed to do?” he had asked hotly. “The band is my everything.”

“And what am I?” You asked. The question only mildly offended you, a shot right to your heart. Because if the band was his everything, what were you in comparison? “A distraction until you get everything you want? I can’t keep being that.”

“No!” he protested. “You’re not a distraction. You’re━” He stopped himself short, brows furrowing. “You can’t keep pinning this all on me. You just don’t trust me, do you? You never did. Always thinking I’m with some other girl when I’m not with you━”

“That’s not true,” You admonished.

“Isn’t it?” Jungkook retaliated.

“I don’t want to hear it,” You had said at once. Your tone was final, a decisive ending to your argument with him. “My mind’s already been made up, Jungkook. I don’t think we should see each other again until we sort all this out ━ or, until you sort out whatever your priorities are.”

Jungkook’s stare had hardened, a frown deeply etching into his face. He had straightened up then, perplexed and upset with your standoffish demeanour, as if thinking this surely meant nothing to you. But little did he know this would become one of the hardest decisions you would have to make.

“Fine,” he said rigidly. “If that’s how it is, then I’m gone. You’ll never have to see me again.”

You hadn’t known at the time just how terribly you had messed up ━ neither had Jungkook. He had left before you could stop him, or before either of you could change your minds. Because nothing’s worse than a broken heart, blinded by stubborn and defensive rage. Accusatory fingers and blaming him or you wouldn’t heal the wounds that had already formed, and ending things seemed to only make it worse, months of lonely heartache without Jungkook to further prove just that…

The last time you spoke to Jungkook, you told him you never wanted to see him again ━ or, at least, that seems to be how he interpreted it.

Now, you were standing in the midst of his domain, surrounded by everyone in his public sphere of friends and colleagues and acquaintances, and there was certainly no way of escaping him.

You were starting to think you’re losing mind, because you’d truly have to be insane to have worked up the nerve to agree to go with Dahyun to a party being held celebrating the band’s recent tremendous success and headlining their first world tour. Their manager, Jin, had personally reached out to you and Dahyun, calling you as a means of asking you to attend, though you had given him a timid and dismissive response at first. If it hadn’t been for Dahyun purposely and almost quite literally dragging you out under the premise that “even if you don’t want to see Jungkook, you at least owe it to the boys to go,” you don’t think you’d even be here. But while you didn’t know where you stood with Jungkook anymore, that didn’t mean you weren’t still proud of him or the rest of the boys. It just became harder to bask in their success with them when you had gone from knowing every detail of their lives, of Jungkook’s life, to knowing only what you could hear from gossiping fans around you, or plastered in tabloids, or all over any form of social media.

The party is held at some sort of fancy lavish restaurant, the entire back room rented out by the band’s record label and management, and is filled with dozens of people you don’t know. Fortunately, you and Dahyun aren’t left alone for very long, as an elated Jin and Jimin, the appointed lead singer, bustle their way through the crowd to you almost as soon as you arrive, leaving very little time for you to feel so awkward that you consider running away again. Jimin, in all his spritely and extravagant blue haired disposition, wastes no time in engulfing you both in a comforting hug as if months hadn’t passed since you’ve last seen them.

“Glad you guys could make it!” Jin smiles from over Jimin’s shoulder.

“It’s been forever,” Jimin affirms.

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Dahyun says. “I’m surprised you guys didn’t forget about us, considering you’re big rockstars now.”

“Rockstar is a bit of an overstatement.” An effortlessly charming smirk unfurls on Jimin’s face, which seems to immediately dazzle Dahyun. “Besides, we could never forget you. Hey, come with me to find the guys. I think we could all use some time to catch up━”

He places his hand on the small of Dahyun’s back as he guides her away, leaving you with Jin. A moment of silence passes, in which time you can feel the boy’s eyes lingering on you.

“He knows you’re coming tonight, if that’s what you’re worried about,” Jin says carefully, treading over his words lightly. It’s too painfully obvious who he’s talking about, though you’re fortunate he doesn’t bother mentioning Jungkook’s name anyway. “There’s no point in hiding. I think you should talk to him.”

“I━” You trail off uselessly, your voice croaking. Fearing an imminent breakdown, you shake your head. Then, holding your chin a little higher, Jin’s startled to hear you pretend as if he hadn’t said anything. “It really is good to see you guys again. If you’ll excuse me, I think I need a drink.”

And you’re gone once more before he can say anything else. On your lonesome, you find refuge at the bar, though you only order water because you’re certain you won’t be able to stomach anything stronger. You don’t know how long you spend there, blankly staring at a spot on the wall as your mind wanders everywhere and yet nowhere at all until━

“Y/N?”

There it is again. The familiar sound of his voice, only this time it’s much more attainable, closer to your world and not elsewhere so high in the clouds like a hopeful dream. You brace yourself before turning to face him.

This close, Jungkook looks breathtakingly and painfully beautiful.

As always, he’s adorned in all black, the first few buttons of the silky blouse he’s wearing left undone so that it teases the exposed flesh of his collarbones and the rose tattoo that inks his chest, the thorny stems crawling up the side of his neck just below his ear, accompanied by a pair of leather pants. He’s the same as ever. The same imperfect tattoos that decorate his fingers and arms that you’ve always loved, the same ring-clad fingers painted a chipped black, the same hoop accentuating his button nose. His hair is still his natural dark ebony color (something he’s seemed to stick with much more as of late despite dyeing it wild colours throughout his past), only it’s a little longer than you last remembered, and the sides of his head are shaved in the form of an undercut. You’re foolishly surprised to find he still looks the same, but almost a year away from someone can both change nothing and yet everything all at once.

“Jungkook…” You want to say something more, but your words fall short.

It’s hard to tell if he’s angry or upset at seeing you there, but you don’t think he’s either, and you have an inkling of a thought that he purposely sought you out amongst the many faces. Instead, he looks hesitant, apprehensive, as if dreading how you’ll respond to see him. As if you’ll yell at him, push him away. You do neither, fortunately.

Just when the dense silence starts to become almost unbearable, Jungkook clears his throat. “I━ Wow… You look great.”

You blink once, a flustered blush warming your face that you hope he doesn’t notice. “Oh. Thank you. You do, too.”

His eyes flicker over your presence as he nods absentmindedly. Then, he’s offering you a pretty smile, soft and sweet in nature. No malice, or ill-intent. “Um━ How have you been?”

You hate this. You hate the awkward pauses, the prolonged periods of silence. A year ago, even despite knowingly pining for one another, your moments alone with Jungkook were never so terrible. He always found a way to say something cheekily flirtatious even when you were just friends, if only because he knew it would make you blush and giggle because, no matter how many times you would roll your eyes or nudge his sides, he also knew you secretly loved it. All the inside jokes, the milestones shared together, the ardent fleeting touches ━ where did it all go? And while you were both noticeably trying to maintain the peace and pleasantry between one another, it didn’t feel the same. It felt forced, fake. Distracted.

“I’ve been good,” You lie. “How about you? Actually, don’t answer that━” You let out a breathless chuckle. “You’ve clearly been doing amazing. I mean, your album, and your world tour. And tomorrow you’ve got a big day with the hometown show. I heard it sold out in the first ten minutes.”

“Something like that,” Jungkook says modestly. “It’s been kind of crazy. Namjoon says it’s good, but I miss━ I just miss a lot of how it used to be. The slow pace. I dunno. The quick burn up is quick to burn out, right?”

“Maybe,” You admit. “But I think you’ve all got it in you. You’ve worked so hard for this moment. Enjoy it while you’re in it. You deserve it, Jungkook.”

His stare softens as it meets yours. “Thanks.”

Another beat of silence passes. He looks as if he’s warring with himself, as if he’s fighting the urge to say something more, gnawing at his lower lip, brows knitting together.

“Yo, Jeon!” A foreign voice from amongst the crowd beckons aloud abruptly for the boy.

Jungkook glances over his shoulder swiftly in search of the source, then waves his hand as if to motion he’ll be there later. Then, he turns back to you. “Sorry about that.”

“It’s okay. I won’t keep you,” You say. “I know you’re busy.”

“But━” He stops himself, his jaw clamping shut. Changing his mind, he decides to ask hopefully, “Will you be at the show tomorrow?”

“Of course.” The affirmation seems to relieve him, even though it’s a spontaneous decision made by you on the spot. Before this moment, you hadn’t been so sure you could go.

“Promise?”

You can’t help but shake your head, a chuckle slipping past your lips at the innocent boyish question he asks. “Yes, Jungkook.”

His smile widens a little more, however sheepish it may be. “Then can you promise me one more thing?”

“What?” You quirk a brow, intrigued to say the least.

“Will you drop by the hotel we’re staying at tomorrow morning, so I can take you out for a coffee? Just to catch up. It’s been a while,” he says timidly. Then, feeling a little stupid for being so bold, scrambles to explain himself. “And no pressure if you don’t want to. I just thought━”

You can’t possibly say no. Not when it comes to Jungkook, all your past struggles seemingly vanishing without a trace. “I’d like that a lot, Jungkook.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

Then he’s positively beaming, his self-indulgent grin making your own heart flutter in your chest. When he leaves your side that night, you find yourself looking forward to the future perhaps a little too optimistically. But how terrible could grabbing coffee with your ex be, if you had survived the first wretched encounter?

So, in the morning when you wake, there’s not a stutter in your step or a wavering flicker of your confidence as you make your way to the Four Seasons hotel Jungkook had told you to from the night before. In fact, a selfish part of you almost thinks that maybe things will start to look up. That maybe you and Jungkook can finally make amends. That maybe you never had a reason to fear Jungkook breaking your heart if he made such an effort to heal it.

The hotel itself is one of the most luxurious ones in Seoul, a considerable contrast from when the boys were slumming it on friends’ couches and in their run-down van touring the country. The room Jungkook tells you to meet him at is one of the hotel’s grand suites, located on the higher levels of the building. But as soon as you reach the landing and have begun making your way towards the designated door, it flings open and a pretty girl comes stumbling out. She’s giggling at something that has just happened inside, her hair a dishevelled mess which she ruffles up in an attempt to fix it. She’s adorned in a pretty little dress, the skirt of which is hiked a little higher up and one strap falling down her shoulder, as she clings her shoes and bag to her chest. She smiles at you on the way past, though she’s too far gone in her own little daze that you wonder if she even notices you at all.

But you certainly notice her, and, all at once, your reverie of him and what could be comes crashing to the ground once more.

Maybe you should have stayed, should have waited for Jungkook to let him explain, but you were too afraid to hear an answer you weren’t looking for. You try desperately not to imagine Jungkook loving someone else. You try not to think about him holding her the same way he held you, his lips finding purchase on some other girl. But by trying to avoid the thought, it beckons the unwarranted memories of how it felt to be loved all over by him once upon a time. You wonder how many girls he’s hooked up with in your time apart, and the overwhelming sense of regret washes over you.

You don’t bother to wait. You know fleeing is the easiest option rather than facing your fear, but you’re far too timid of rejection again. Instead, even before you can approach Jungkook’s hotel room and knock on the door, you turn on your heels and run.

You’re long gone by the time Jungkook comes to the door, prying it open in search of you on a whim. When he doesn’t see you, he glances up and down the hallway but to no avail. Namjoon comes slinking past inside then in his own disoriented haze, having just woken up from moments ago when the girl he had taken back to their room the night before left. Even then, Jungkook had warned the rhythm guitarist against bringing the girl back, pointing out the fact that they had much to do today ahead of their concert. Namjoon had promised it wouldn’t be long, that she would be gone in the morning, and Jungkook was fortunate enough that the suite had two separate bedrooms on the opposite ends of one another so that Jungkook didn’t have to hear whatever it was the pair were doing in the other.

“Did Mina leave?” Namjoon asks through a yawn, digging the heels of his palms into his tired eyes. When Jungkook nods, a sliver of a reminiscent smug grin tugs at Namjoon’s lips. “You missed out, Jungkook.”

The cheeky quip is met with a roll of Jungkook’s eyes. “I’m sure I’ll survive. You know I’m not like that.”

Like that━ As in midnight hook-ups and cheap thrills alike. He tried it once, far ago when you had first broken up with him, on a drunken spur of a moment as a way of healing the anguish in his heart. It hadn’t worked then; he assumed it would never work.

Namjoon seems to understand this immediately. He gives Jungkook a look that the boy doesn’t notice. “Well… is Y/N here yet?”

“No. But I’m sure she’ll be here,” Jungkook grimaces. He hopes. “Something probably came up.”

Namjoon clasps a reassuring hand on Jungkook’s shoulder, humming aloud, “Good luck, dude.”

But you never arrive, even though Jungkook waits for most of the morning, nervous eyes flickering to the door at every commotion outside, running to check only to see room service delivering breakfast or concierge showing guests to their rooms. He has no choice but to give up on the thought of you coming when Jin knocks on their door, prompting the boys to get a start on their day. Interviews and soundcheck await, but how could he possibly go on with his life without knowing what happened to you?

Which is why you stay on his mind for the rest of the day, distracting him in every aspect, mixing up his words when he’s in the midst of his interview, tripping up on stage as the boys set up and begin to rehearse. As the hours wane down to just an hour before the show, the thought of performing in front of thousands of fans starts to make him nervous and he doesn’t know why. He’s done this countless times before, almost nightly during the tour, so what stops him now? Of course he knows the answer, had grown all too accustomed to the feeling the first few months in which the break up had been so recent. It would always be about you.

But just before the show starts, Jungkook is making his way backstage from the greenroom, where the band had been waiting, to the stage. Fiddling with his in-ear piece, he almost doesn’t notice you and Dahyun weaving your way through the roadies and sound tech, being guided by Jin to the pit on the side of the stage where only family and friends are allowed. You don’t see him, and there’s a split moment where he thinks he should just let you go, until he doesn’t.

As he makes his way to you, the tour manager for the band intervenes part way, shouting out to the boy. “Where are you going? We’re on in five, Jungkook!”

“Yeah, I’ll be right back━” He waves the manager off as politely as he can, wasting no time to chase after you. He calls out your name, though it drowns out in the sound of the music being blasted through the speakers of the arena and the screaming fans. “Y/N, wait up!”

He’s relieved when he sees you stop in your tracks, turning to face him as Dahyun and Jin become lost in the chaos of the backstage. He comes to stand just before you, smiling breathlessly at you, unaware of the way your shoulders tense at the sight of him.

“You didn’t show up this morning,” he says as a way of greeting, his voice a curious prob. “What happened?”

You try desperately not to get lost in his big beautiful eyes, laced with such hope. Instead, you fold your arms over your chest, looking away. “Something came up.”

It’s then that Jungkook senses something is wrong. You’re upset with him, though he can’t tell why. Aside from the obvious rift in your relationship that had initially split you two up, you had been so pleasant to see him the night before. But he doesn’t give up just yet. “Well… you’re here now.”

You meet his gaze with your own hardened one. “For the boys.”

A shot right to his heart almost makes Jungkook gasp for air. He flinches, and then his stare softens, and you wish he wouldn’t look at you like that, out of fear that you might just relapse into his arms.

“What’s wrong?” He closes the distance between the two of you. He wants nothing more than to reach out and touch you, but refrains with much difficulty. There’s dozens of things that could be wrong, and he braces himself for your retaliation. “You didn’t want to come, did you?”

When you don’t respond, but also don’t stray from his side, Jungkook hurries to speak again if only to fill the tense silence.

“Look, last night… Maybe it was just me, but last night seemed like things were okay,” he says. “Was I wrong to feel that way?”

“Jungkook…”

“Please, just let me know,” he begs. “Because you’re all I can think about these days, it’s driving me crazy. And I don’t know what’s going on, but the reason I wanted to see you this morning was because I hate how things ended between us, and I wanted to tell you…” He swallows nervously as he trails off uncertainly. “I wanted to tell you that I’m still in love with you. And I can’t get you out of my head. These months away from you made me realize that I━”

Suddenly, you’re shaking your head and he knows you don’t believe him. As soon as the words leave his mouth, he regrets saying it, if only because they seem to enliven you. Now, you push yourself away from the boy. “I’m not doing this right now. You’re not doing this right now.”

As if to further your point, the band’s tour manager can be heard calling out frantically for the boy. “Two minutes, Jungkook!”

But Jungkook is hardly paying attention now, instead solely focused on you. “Please, Y/N━”

“No, you don’t get to say that to me,” You admonish hotly. You can’t bite the words back, no matter how hard you try. “You don’t love me. You think you love me, but you don’t.”

His jaw clenches, and his brows furrow into a frustrated stare. “I do.”

“You don’t.”

“Yes, I do.”

“Stop.” The harsh word makes Jungkook clamp his mouth shut. You shake your head furiously, but you know it’s only to distract yourself so that you don’t let the tears fall. “You’re being selfish, Jungkook. You don’t get to take all of me, love all of me, and leave, only to come back months later and pretend you’re still in love with me. And whatever this━” You gesture vaguely between the two of you, “is, or was, doesn’t exist anymore. We both need to stop pretending otherwise.”

Jungkook winces, eyes tinged with pain. “You don’t mean that.”

You don’t respond. Elsewhere, his tour manager starts to grow impatient, scolding the boy aloud, “Jungkook, we’re gonna be late. Hurry up!”

“Yeah, I’ll be there!” Jungkook calls back, irritated. Maybe he is being selfish. He’s wasting precious time by not leaving, all the hard work that the crew put into tonight’s show, and the fans awaiting his and the band’s arrival. He can still hear the crowd, this time their buzzing voices amalgamating into unanimous chanting muffled by the walls that sounds akin to the band’s name.

“You should go,” You say now. “Don’t wanna disappoint them.”

But he’d throw it all away for you if you told him to. He promised you that even before he had left for tour, before the band had been signed. Had you forgotten? Because he surely hadn’t.

“Y/N…”

“Good luck out there.”

Then, you’re gone before Jungkook can even make a move to stop you ━ but even if he did, what could he do to make you stay? The feat seemed impossible, and you always seem to find a way to slip from his grasp no matter what he does. Only this time he has no choice but to let you go, out of fear of being berated further by his tour manager or angering the boys so much to the point where he gets kicked out of the band.

He makes it on stage in time, the band filing out to take their places one at a time, deafening screams blowing out their in-ear pieces that stand no chance as each member joins the stage. The lights fizzle out until complete darkness cloaks the venue, but Jungkook still looks for you. He finds you in the pit on the side of the stage, Jin and Dahyun standing beside you, and finds it hard to keep his eyes off of you even though you attempt to pretend as if he’s not even there.

After their first adrenaline-filled opening song of the night, Jimin takes to the microphone to greet the crowd who scream back an indiscernible shout as, elsewhere, you notice Jungkook pry himself away from the microphone stand on his side of the stage to wave the rest of the boys over to Hoseok’s drum kit. They murmur amongst themselves briefly, though they go unnoticed by Jimin or the crowd as the lead singer entertains them.

“Seoul! It’s good to be back. We’ve missed you all so much━”

Jimin’s words get cut short when Jungkook, having just parted ways with the rest of his members for their impromptu meeting, beckons the lead singer over, out of range of the microphone. They seem to discuss something just as shortly as Jungkook had talked with the rest of the boys, in which time Jimin nods understandingly, then steps away from the microphone. Then, Jungkook takes to the microphone, the rings on his fingers glistening under the spotlight as he grips the stand.

“I know the night’s only getting started,” Jungkook’s voice wavers as he speaks, “but we’re gonna slow things down for a moment. We hope you don’t mind.”

Intrigued murmurs echo around the crowd, suddenly buzzing with excitement as they watch Jungkook with eager eyes. A few encouraging bellows has Jungkook smiling smally. Jin, on the other hand, looks perplexed.

“What is he doing?” Jin asks no one in particular, a quizzical look on his face. “This isn’t part of their set.”

“I think a lot of you might know this next song,” Jungkook continues, “but I don’t think I’ve ever expressed how much it means to me. This next one, I wrote for a special someone, and it sort of helped us achieve all of this. So, I think it’s time that person knows how much they mean to me.”

Jungkook glances nervously over at the boys standing behind him, each in their own respective spots. Then, sweeping his gaze across the crowd, he finally finds you already staring up at him. His own eyes soften into a look of longing, however hardened by past tribulations and sorrow it may be. As if he’s determined not to lose you again; determined to make it up to you.

“This next one is for Y/N,” he says timidly. He has to turn away from you in the next second, afraid he might just break down before the fans and the boys and you. “I’m sorry I messed up.”

As the boys take their place, with Jimin taking an acoustic and fading back from the limelight, you wonder why. But then you hear it, the familiar beginning chords making up the song you had so wholeheartedly claimed you hated. Only this time they’re gentler, made up of acoustic strums of a guitar, Hoseok’s drums, and Yoongi’s keys, all amalgamating into a pretty song almost unrecognizable.

Then, Jungkook starts singing, and what was once a wistful dreamy song of prospective lovers suddenly turns into a melancholic requiem for you. Some lyrics are changed, present tense turning to the past, and Jungkook sings his way throughout the entirety of the song in contrast to the one that plays all over the radio featuring the other member’s voices. The fans sing along, their voices melding with Jungkook’s into some sort of celestial mellifluous choir, and you’re left no longer wondering if the fans would ever know the meaning behind the song that Jungkook had brought to life. Because now, it wasn’t just Jungkook singing to you; it was the whole world. And yet, paradoxically at the same time, it felt all that much more intimate. As if it were just you and him once again, seated on the couch in his small apartment, listening to the beginnings of what would be their number one selling song.

Above all else, you realize that you don’t seem to hate the song as much you claimed to.

That night, you can’t sleep.

You find yourself leaving the venue earlier than everyone else, even when the boys invite you and Dahyun to join them for celebratory drinks, returning to your home in the hopes of forgetting the night altogether. Instead, you stay up tossing and turning, your mind filled with memories consisting of only Jungkook and his haunting voice singing to you, and for you. But at some point during the night nearing one or two in the morning, just when you give up on the idea of sleep, the sound of incessant knocking at your front door rouses you from your trance.

When you finally answer the door, you’re more than surprised to see that Jungkook stands on the other side of the threshold as if coming to you from a dream. But then you register the fact that he’s a complete mess. Dark circles line his weary eyes, now smudged with that faint hint of charcoal liner he had worn for the concert, hair so messily mused beyond repair, and you notice quickly that he’s crying, fresh tears glazing over his pupils and streaking down his face. It’s startling to see him in such shambles, a complete contrast to how effortlessly charming and confident he usually portrays himself. But though you’ve seen him cry before on various occasions, now is all the more unsettling.

“I━I’m sorry.” It’s the first thing he says, screwing his eyes shut tightly as he shakes his head. He fumbles over his words, slurring them together in his rush to get them out. “I know I’m probably the last person you want to see right now, but I needed to see you.”

“Are you drunk?”

“No, no, I swear━” He pries his eyes open to meet your desolate stare, tears unabashedly falling from his lashes. His voice thins with desperation. “You said we need to stop pretending, but I’m not pretending. I never have been. And if you think ━ if you truly believe ━ that there’s nothing here between us anymore… Tell me. Right here, right now. And I’ll leave you alone forever, you’ll never have to see me again. I just━ I’ve missed you every moment and it kills me.”

You’re silent for a long period, pitying gaze sweeping over him, but he doesn’t care if he looks insane. He just needs you to know how he feels.

“Well, how do you think I felt?” You ask the question carefully, but then the memories come flooding back and the semblance of a scowl forms on your face. “You leave and suddenly everywhere I look I see you. Your song is playing everywhere, you and the guys are everywhere, and I’m reminded every day about how we ended. About how you left me.”

Jungkook blinks. He shakes his head stubbornly, the nerves in the corner of his jaw fluttering as he grits his teeth. “You were the one who said we should take a break.”

“A break!” You snap sternly. “Fuck, Jungkook. I didn’t want you out of my life forever. I wanted you to fight for me.”

“No, don’t put this all on me,” Jungkook pleads helplessly. “I have always fought for you. But the minute things got rough, you bailed. You told me you never wanted to see me again. What the hell was I supposed to do?”

“I was scared!” You try to swallow the tears away that start to form as a lump in your throat but to no avail. “I was, and I still am, so fucking scared of losing you. And you━ It felt like you gave me no choice. Like you were over it. I would have wanted to make things work but you left. You just… You left, and suddenly it was like you were never in my life at all. Seven months, and I get no word from you.”

“I fucked up, okay!” He cries out so suddenly, it silences you at once. He bites at his lip, and straightens up half-heartedly, running a hand through his hair. When he meets your stare this time, he’s zealous yet sincere. “I know that I messed up. I know. And it fucking kills me every single day. I don’t know where it went wrong, but it did, and I know it’s all my fault. When you said we should take a break and I agreed, I was only thinking about you. Because I knew I was disappointing you every day, and I was afraid that was all I would ever do, and you don’t deserve that. I thought it would be better this way, if I was just gone from your life for good. But I can’t forget you.”

“How can I trust you?” You ask. When his pained stare gawks at you, you tilt your chin a little higher. “I came by your hotel room yesterday morning, just like you asked, only to see that girl leaving.”

Jungkook’s gawk turns into a dumbfounded expression. He looks weary as he shakes his head, as if struggling to keep up with the way you accuse him now. He tries not to focus on the fact that you actually came to the hotel, then feels inconsolably terrible when he realizes why he never got to see you. “That girl was Namjoon’s fling. We were sharing the suite, and they were in a whole other room. I didn’t even think about her━”

Your stare droops from him, and he knows he’s struggling to keep you on his side.

“Okay, fine. You want trust? I’ll give it to you,” he says. A newfound sense of confidence seems to possess him, though he approaches the topic with extra caution anyway. “After we broke up, I was crushed. I couldn’t move on from you, and the guys thought I should get drunk, find a random girl to bring back to our hotel one night on tour. And I listened, because I wanted to forget you, but it didn’t work. All I could think about was you. Every time she touched me, every time she kissed me, I could only imagine it was you. And when she left that night, I broke down because I felt like such a fucking idiot. I instantly regretted it. Like, even though you and I weren’t together, I still did something to hurt you by sleeping with that girl. And all it did was hurt me too in the process.”

He pushes himself forward, taking a step over the threshold. Even despite him admitting his wrongs to you, you can’t find it in yourself to hate him. Because, at the end of it all, he’s here at your doorstep, pleading for you to forgive him, but he had already won the moment your eyes had landed on him.

“You’re the reason I am who I am today.” His voice is hoarse when he speaks, almost in a whisper. “That I get to do what I love for a living. But all of it means nothing without you. You saw me at my worst, and my best. And you were the best I ever had, and I ruined it, and the worst part of it all is that there’s nothing I can do to make up for it. But I promise I can make it better ━ I can make it right again ━ if you just give me a chance.”

There’s a short pause filled with poignant silence in which Jungkook thinks you’ll push him away or scream at him. He’s fortunate when you do neither; instead, he hears you whisper faintly.

“Kiss me, Jungkook.”

And it’s more than enough for him. His heart thrums in delight as he wastes no time in reaching out for you. His hands are warm as they come to grasp at your face, holding you delicately; then he’s leaning in to you, drawing you closer and closer until his lips are pressed against yours. It’s unadulterated, but not without feverish passion, noses smushing together in both your eager hastiness to close the distance between the two of you. It doesn’t last long either, though that’s partly because Jungkook can taste your tears mingling on your lips, and can feel your faint smile form against his mouth. Kissing him feels both foreign yet familiar at the same time. You know the feel, the taste, and the sense of comfort that comes with it, but months apart from one another has left it feeling different.

Jungkook’s thumb wipes away at the tears on your face. “Why are you crying?”

It’s a useless question, he knows, but he needs something to fill the silence. He’s relieved when he hears you snicker. “Because I miss you, you idiot. And I’m sorry I’ve been acting like such an idiot. I’ve messed everything up.”

His own shoulders quiver with contented mirth. “It’ll be okay.” As he leans in once more for another kiss, you can feel him murmur against your mouth, “I promise I’ll make it up to you.”

“Then make it right,” You say, “right here and now.”

“I’ll do anything for you,” he promises earnestly.

Jungkook understands the underlying yearning in your voice even without having you explain yourself. He knows, if only because he can feel it too. As his hands fall to your waist, fingers digging into your skin, your own arms wrap around his neck and pull him into your apartment. He has you pressed up against the nearest wall within seconds, kissing at your throat, then up to your jawline.

“It’s been so long,” he sighs.

You hum in agreement, though your mind is already spinning, and all you can muster is a weak yet urgent croak of his name. “Jungkook.”

Your fingers thread through his hair, tugging at the roots and he croons with delight. His lips finally meet yours again, only this time he lets his tongue lav at your lower lip. Almost as soon as he does so, you notice something strange. It takes a moment for you to register the small metallic object that grazes your lower lip but when you do, you pull away from the boy.

“What’s wrong?” Jungkook asks in a confused dazed.

“Is that…” You rasp. “Did you get your tongue pierced?”

Suddenly, Jungkook is smirking, one brow shooting up to his hairline in a smug demeanour. He sticks out his tongue for you to see the silver ball poking through and you almost moan at the sight of it as the thought entices you.

“Oh.” Your face warms with a flustered blush. “That’s new.”

“Yeah,” he says. “Always wanted to get it done. Guess I was saving it for the right moment.”

“Right moment, huh?” You scoff as if the implications don’t already have your thighs rubbing together. “Care to explain?”

“I think you’ll find out soon enough.”

You dissolve into a fit of giggles, marvelling at the way Jungkook’s familiar flirtatious bantering can soothe your troubled heart at once. It’s almost as if time hasn’t lapsed between the two of you.

“I’ve missed this,” You sigh. “I’ve missed you, Jungkook.”

You spot him smiling before he’s kissing you again, this time his tongue slipping past your parted lips to meet yours midway. The piercing is strange to adjust to, but you get used to it quickly, humming at the feeling of it against the soft flesh of your tongue. It’s easy to get lost in one another’s lips as you pull and tug at Jungkook, guiding him to your bedroom, nearly tripping and stumbling over one another in the process. He knows the path like the back of his hand, the same way he knows every curve and dimple of your body as his greedy hands explore you. He has you sprawled out beneath him on the bed in a matter of seconds, carelessly shedding each other of your clothes until you’re left naked and he’s without a shirt.

As he’s tugging off the hoodie you’re wearing, he realizes two things abruptly. One: you’re not wearing anything beneath it, your bare body dazzling him at once. And, two: a sudden thought jogs his memory that makes him ponder aloud, “Is this my sweater?”

“Yes,” You admit sheepishly.

He smirks. “Was wondering where it went.”

“You forgot to take it back when…” You don’t finish your sentence. Instead, you tug your fingers at the hair at the nape of his neck, as if scared he’ll leave again. He doesn’t. Instead, he nestles his body between your legs, tonguing patterns on your neck. “I wear it sometimes, especially when I’m missing you. I don’t know… It just━ It still smells like you, even after all this time.”

Jungkook’s heart nearly implodes. He wonders briefly if he’d prefer fucking you without or with the hoodie; but then he’s letting himself time to study your naked body and he deduces he needs to gaze at you in your entirety a little longer.

“Keep talking,” he murmurs. He starts kissing down your body now, starting from your throat to your collarbones, between the valley of your breasts, then your navel. “Tell me more. How badly did you miss me?”

“So badly,” You whimper. Your legs instinctively part to make way for him as he shifts downward, kissing just above your core. A shudder runs down your spine when he kisses the inside of your thigh. “Sometimes I’d put your sweater on and touch myself to the thought of you.”

He grunts against you, teeth softly biting at your flesh. His tongue pokes against your thigh, the metallic piercing a dully cold sensation as he licks upward to your core. He laps at your folds, as if to taste the glistening cum that starts to form.

Your breath audibly hitches in your throat, hips jutting forward to meet his mouth. “I missed your hands, and the way they made me feel. Missed your mouth between my legs. Missed cumming on your tongue, or your fingers.”

Now, you’re starting to understand what he meant by waiting for the right moment to use the piercing to its fullest potential. As he lifts his head higher to tongue at your clit, the piercing makes your head spin. The contrast between his soft tongue and the harsh metal works wonders against you, rubbing you just the right way that has you a moaning mess beneath him within a matter of seconds.

“Fuck━” You cry out, hands twisting in his hair. “My hands never feel the same. You always made me feel so good, Jungkook.”

He hums something in response, the sound reverberating up your spine. He busies himself by replacing his tongue with his finger, rubbing small, controlled circles against your clit as he lowers his mouth to your folds. He teases the piercing against the sensitive flesh before lapping at your insides, burrowing further into you.

“Ooh, Jungkook━”

The noise that eclipses your throat is a piqued sob of delight. The piercing that scratches against your walls has your insides throbbing, body twisting and turning beneath him. You grab at your breasts, fingers pinching at the perked buds as you imagine Jungkook’s hands in replace of yours.

His mouth wraps just right around you and he sucks hard, earning a beautiful moan from you. It doesn’t take long for you to draw closer to your high, sputtering and whimpering at every action he does. Soon he’s burrowing his face even closer against your core, nose nudging against your clit in a way that makes you writhe and squirm. Before he can get carried away (and he certainly could), Jungkook decides to come to a stop which seems to thoroughly surprise and upset you. When you feel his missing warmth between your legs and the sticky wet mess accentuated further by the cool air that hits you, you pout like a child.

“That’s not fair,” you whine.

“Sorry, baby. Need to feel you.” He pulls away from you and crawls over your body once more. He kisses your lips, sloppy and heated, and lets you taste your own succulence on your tongue. “God, I need to feel you so bad.”

You’re just as much startled as you were seconds ago to hear the slight whine in his voice, a sound hot enough to almost push you over the edge.

“I’ve missed you too, just so you know,” he moans, burrowing his face in the crook of your neck. Your fingers continue to scratch delicately at his scalp and he simpers delightfully against you. He ruts his hips eagerly against yours, the bulge in his pants rough against your core. “So fucking much.”

“How much?” Now it’s your turn to ask, your curiosity getting the best of you once you find your voice.

“Every day,” he sighs as he continues to grind his hips into yours. “Get so hard at the thought of you. Your pretty mouth moaning my name. Your hands in my hair, just like this━” You pull a little tighter at the roots of his locks, and he has to stifle his contented moan. “And your body━ Fuck, your body. You take my dick so well, baby.”

“Jungkook,” You mewl impatiently. “Wanna feel you in me.”

“Fuck, okay. Okay━”

He hastens to rid himself of his pants and you help, arms momentarily tangling with one another in your rush. Then he’s kneeling before you, one hand planted firmly on your hip, rings digging roughly against your skin, as his other hand wraps a fist around his hard length, slowly pumping himself. He guides the tip of his leaking cock to your core and pushes himself forward carefully. He easily slips past your folds, coaxed by your slick walls, that he has to pause to give you both time to adjust to the feeling. It’s just as he remembered, though somehow better, and he isn’t so sure how long he’ll last. You don’t know either, marvelling in the way he stretches you open.

“Oh, shit,” he grunts.

He watches as your jaw drops open in a silent gap, your eyes fixed only on his. You grab at his hips, fingers scratching delicately over the laurel tattoos inked there, prompting him to move. He does so in one languid movement, burying deeper and deeper into you until you feel so full and he feels so warm. He fucks into you a little sluggish at first, taking his time and enjoying the way your clenching walls feel around his throbbing cock. It’s a pace so maddening that it soon has the both of you panting, heavy moans filling the space around you. Your own fingers dig into his shoulders, his back, his hips ━ anything to keep a hold on reality as you slowly lose yourself to the pleasure. He reaches for one of your hands, eager to feel you in more ways than one, and laces his digits with yours, pressing your clasped palms above your head. You squeeze tightly, his name falling from your lips in a cry.

“Doing so good,” he mumbles through gritted teeth. “Feel so nice, baby.”

Jungkook grasps at your hips and flips the two of you over. He lands on his back on the soft mattress and you fumble to not break the pace. Firmly planting your hands on his chest, you grind against him, sweat coating your forehead. He watches you with a dark fascination, brows screwed together and jaw clenched as your own cum starts leaking down his length. Not wanting to waste another moment without being beside you, he sits up and shifts you in his lap. Then he pulls you close to him, chest pulled flush against chest to the point where he can feel the rapid beat of your heart against his. You whimper aloud, wrapping your arms tightly around his neck as he guides your hips back and forth on him. There’s little to no space between your gyrating bodies, sweaty skin sticking to one another.

At some point, Jungkook notices you’re crying again, steady tears tangling in your lashes and wetting your face. Despite the way you’re driving him to near euphoria, he brushes your hair out of your face and manages to ask, “What’s wrong? Are you okay? Are you hurt?”

“I’m sorry━ fuck,” You gasp. He can tell you’re genuinely sympathetic for whatever’s making you cry but it’s hard for you to convey it properly when you’re still so consumed by him. “I’m so sorry━ I’m okay. I just━ You feel so good, Jungkook.”

“It’s okay,” he whispers, rubbing tender circles against your waist that contrasts with the fierce burn between your legs. “You’re okay, baby. Doing so well for me, aren’t you? Cum for me, yeah?”

You won’t tell him why you’re crying ━ not yet, at least. But Jungkook thinks he knows why; he can feel it too. The bitter sense of longing and mingling regret for all the time lost. The overwhelming feeling of love of finally being reunited. You continue to roll your hips against his, and he, breathless, rubs his nose faintly against yours, resting his forehead against yours.

It doesn’t take much longer after that for you to come tumbling to you high. He strokes your hair so lovingly as you ride him recklessly, leisure rolls of your hips driving you to your high. When you cum, the feeling completely washes over you and electricity crackles in your veins, warming your entire body. He holds you close to his chest the entire time as you writhe with pleasure, your walls clenching around his cock.

“Fuck, I’m gonna━” His voice splinters off as you busy yourself by sucking a bruise onto the underside of his jaw.

He reaches his high moments later just as you’re beginning to wince at the feeling of oversensitivity. He grunts and groans, spilling his hot seed into you, and then, with his hips slammed against yours, grinds leisurely to ride out your highs.

Then, the room falls silent.

Neither of you move from your warm embrace, with you still perched on his lap, his cock softening inside you as his cum runs down his length and onto your thighs. Your face is hidden in the crook of his neck, and he waits until you’ve both calmed down from your orgasms. You’re running your fingers through his sweaty hair, but he knows you’re still sad. He kisses you all over in the meantime, a few ticklish kisses that make you smile sleepily and a few loving ones that have your heart swelling. Then, he gingerly shifts your head to look at him.

“Why were you crying?” he asks silently.

It takes you a moment to respond. You cling to him tightly when you do and all he can do is cradle you closer to him. “I don’t want this to be some kind of drunken one night stand thing. Like we both needed one last fuck to get over each other, or something."

“You mean more to me than a one night stand,” Jungkook says and it makes you smile smally, a little timidly. 

“That’s good,” You say, “because I’m not over you or us. I want us to work out. I love you too much to lose you again, and I’m scared this might be the last time I’ll ever see you.”

“I’m not letting that happen,” Jungkook shakes his head furiously. “I’d be an absolute idiot to let that happen. You won’t lose me. I’m not going anywhere this time. You’re my priority, Y/N. You always have been. Not the band and definitely not the record label.”

“I’m sure the boys will love to hear that,” You snort to yourself.

“Yeah, well, I’m sure they’ll understand,” Jungkook grins. But you’re only joking, and you know he sort of is too. That’s not to say the band isn’t still important to him, but you take precedent over it. “Without you, I wouldn’t even have the chance to be where I am now.”

You nuzzle your nose against his own, and he steals one sweet kiss from you. 

“Do you really mean all that?”

“With my whole heart.”

And, when he says it, you know he means it. There’s no reason not to trust him.

You’ll both move eventually from one another’s arms, soft touches from Jungkook peeling you off of him and wrapping you in your covers before falling asleep beside you, and waking up in the morning with you in his arms. But, for now, it’s just you and him, a little broken still yet all the more in love.

While you both know healing a broken heart will take time, you’re both prepared for it because you’re both worth it to one another ━ and that’s all either of you really need in the end to make it right.

⟶ All rights reserved to © jungkxook. I do not allow reposting, translating, or any sort of modifying and reuploading of my work. 

⟶ Feedback is always appreciated!

[twicearoundthesun]

[college au]

Sana sighed dramatically from her spot in front of the window.

Momo rolled her eyes and continued to fold clothes, trying to cut down on what she was going to bring home in her carry-on. She hadn’t bought any checked luggage for the flight home this time; tickets were already hiked an inhumane amount for the holidays and she refused to give the budget airline any more of her hard-earned money.

That being said, she needed a month’s worth of clothes. It was looking like a losing battle.

Another dramatic sigh met her ears. Sana left her spot and flopped onto the couch, on her back, staring at the ceiling longingly.

“…Can I help you?”

“It’s just such a nice winter day out and nobody wants to go to the little hot chocolate stand with me.”

“I’m the only one still in town.”

“And you won’t go to the hot chocolate stand with me!”

She rolled her eyes and threw a pair of pajama shorts at her. They landed on Sana’s face.

Momo snorted.

“I just don’t understand,” Sana removed the shorts, “Why you want to spend your last day of your last winter semester inside packing.”

“Because I don’t want to show up to Christmas dinner naked, Sana, I need clothes.”

“Just shove a bunch in the suitcase and you’re good!”

“Is that what you did?”

“God, no, I picked out my holiday outfits weeks ago.”

She shook her head. Sana stuck out her lower lip and Momo averted her eyes back to the clothes she was folding.

“You’re pouting at me now?”

“Is it working?”

God, yes. “No.”

“Please, Momo, it’s our last winter in college! We have to make memories, before we’re… Before we have life shit to do! What if we don’t have time to go to the hot chocolate stand next year with our busy lives and our busy real-world jobs and-”

She was kidding, being dramatic, but something like a rock settled in the pit of Momo’s stomach at the words. She was hinting at a life after college where they were too busy to see each other, and it made every fiber of her being fill with dread. It scared her, and for a number of reasons.

“Sana. I’ll always make time to go to the hot chocolate stand with you. No matter how busy life is.”

“…Even if you have to pack for a flight?”

Momo sighed.

Sana smiled the entire walk to the stand and it was infectious. She instructed Momo very seriously to order her a white hot chocolate with extra white chocolate and sprinkles and then went to find a little table to stand at – there wasn’t much competition, as it was Wednesday afternoon and most of the city was at work. Momo ordered a simple hot chocolate for herself and some cookies to share. She recognized a few kids from their college as she waited and they offered little nods or waves, which she returned.

She looked around the little plaza; the nearby tables meant to serve the few food stands around the hot chocolate shop were brightly colored, and standing-room-only. Colorful lights were strung from the top corners of the booths to the nearby lightpoles, and in one corner there seemed to be a creepy Santa scarecrow display that might haunt her Christmas nightmares for a while.

Her eyes landed on Sana again, who’d found a table she liked near the little heater they had going. She – of course­ - looked like the lead actress in some picturesque romance movie: a long grey wool coat, her hair falling perfectly though Momo knew she’d done nothing with it this morning. Looked like she somehow walked out of the screen in all her perfect-ness and chose Momo of all people to link arms with and pull along the Seoul streets and drag to a hot chocolate stand in the freezing cold. Momo, who wore her dad’s old varsity football jacket and a pilling wool sweater. Not dressed as the love interest, but the best friend.

Sana glowed against the gray skies, and when their eyes met and she smiled, she only seemed to glow brighter.

Momo’s chest ached, her heart beat faster, she no longer felt the cold as strongly on her cheeks. She knew what was happening, she’d known for months, but refused to acknowledge that; that would lead to the downfall of the most important relationship she had in her life. Three and a half years of meaningful friendship and Momo develops feelings now, when Sana was both dating around and trying to focus on school, when senior year was getting really busy, when Sana was getting nervous about what was to come and needed a best friend more than anything right now.

She shook herself from her thoughts and she glanced back. Sana’s gaze was now turned upwards, filled with joy.

It was snowing. Because of course. Light, fluffy flakes floated down around them, sprinkling over Sana’s hair and coat.

“HEY!” Momo was startled from her thoughts. “ORDER EIGHT! I’ve been calling you for a minute. Your drinks and cookies are ready.”

Momo couldn’t help her smile as Sana giggled.

They walked along the river slowly, matching the energy of the city slowing down around them. It wasn’t a heavy snow, but it was cold enough that it was beginning to form a powdery coating and people were sheltering in the warmth of their homes and offices. Sana rambled on about her holiday plans and Momo hung on every word, content, only offering her opinion when asked. She let Sana lead the way, appreciating the beauty of the city as the grime was beginning to hide under a blanket of nearly-undisturbed snow.

Momo only realized it hadn’t been aimless wandering when Sana stopped in front of their apartment door. She frowned.

“Something the matter?” Sana caught on quickly. “I figured… You’d have to get back to packing.”

Momo shifted. She did have to get back to packing. She’d pushed it off too long. And the cold was starting to cut through her jacket.

“I don’t want to go inside yet.” She found herself saying.

The sparkle in Sana’s eyes warmed her back up.

“Let me show you something.”

‘Something’, Momo found out, was a broken lock to the utility staircase of their apartment building. She vaguely remembered from the rules & regulations Mina had made them all read when they moved in together that tenants were not allowed on the roof and failure to oblige could lead to fines or eviction.

Worth it, she thought, as she watched Sana look out over the roofs of their neighborhood.

“I come up here sometimes to think. In the summer, it’s loud because of the AC… But in the winter it’s just peaceful.”

Momo walked forward to join her. Looking down made her dizzy if she thought too much about how they were two meters from falling six stories. Looking at Sana made her dizzier, too close to a different sort of fall. So she kept her eyes trained on the distance in front of them, the distant colorful glow of the tourist district lights reflecting on the evening snow fall.

“It is.” Momo whispered.

It was quiet for a while.

“Are you up here a lot?” She finally asked, sparing a glance her way. Sana had been looking at her the whole time.

“Lately.” She whispered. Her eyes switched to stare into the expanse in front of them with love. “Yeah. I needed a lot of time. To… think.”

“About?”

Sana shrugged. The air was getting heavier. The snow was beginning to absorb into her jacket, to weigh her down. “About life. Everything’s going to change soon, you know?”

Momo tilted her head.

“You know, with graduation. Who knows where everyone will be six months from now, right? I mean. The four of us are graduating. I don’t know where… Nayeon and Jeongyeon are going to stick around here, their whole family is from here. And I… I think I want to, too, I’ve kinda found a second home here, with everyone… But.”

Momo hadn’t thought much about it. She was actively avoiding thinking about it, actually. She hadn’t even applied to jobs, she hadn’t started organizing her life after college at all. She’d wanted to stay in Seoul, but a small part of her couldn’t commit. Was terrified to commit, without knowing the whole picture. Without knowing whether she’d have what she needed, here.

But Sana was staying in Seoul. And a weight seemed to float off her shoulders.

“That sounds wonderful, Sana.” And it did.

“But.” She repeated. Momo faced her. Sana met her eyes. “You.”

“Me?”

“I don’t know where you’ll be. You haven’t told me whether you’re going back home. It seems like you haven’t decided, and,” She whispered. She was speaking so softly, now. Her eyes were glassy. Momo inched closer. “It only feels like home… with you here. With me. And it terrifies me, that… You could be somewhere else.”

And Sana was looking up at her with those sparkling eyes. Her chest hurt. Her nerves screamed at her to do something. This was it. Sana had just told her she feels like home. She could be dreaming. She stepped in even closer, it was automatic. She took a deep breath.

“What if I don’t want to be anywhere else?” Momo whispered back.

She would never want to be anywhere else. Her face was inches from Sana’s now. And she was a little terrified, because she wouldn’t ever want to be anywhere else. If she could, she’d stay right here, inches from Sana’s face; looking into Sana’s eyes, Sana looking at her lips, for as long as she wanted her to be there. Stuck forever in the anxiety of being so close to the person she’d come to love more than life itself and never feeling the pain of Sana backing up, going back downstairs, telling Momo she’d misunderstood and she never wanted to see her again.

She closed her eyes. She couldn’t imagine a life without Sana.

Warm lips met hers.

It was slow, at first. A sense of relief washed over her entire being, relief from the months of confusion and fear and longing and hating herself just a little bit. Happiness so strong her eyes stung, so strong she had to pause to laugh against the shorter girl’s lips and receive a giggle in return. Then they were kissing again, needier, faster than the first. Sana’s warm hands were on her cheeks, Momo’s were on Sana’s hips, pulling her closer.

Sana broke it off first.

“Momo.” She whispered, breathless, and Momo loved the sound of it.

“You have no clue how much I’ve been wanting to do that.” She said, eyes still closed, forehead pressed to Sana’s

“You should have done it sooner, you idiot.” She kissed her again, shorter this time, and then pulled back. “Did you mean it? You’re staying in Seoul?”

“Of course I meant it, Sana.” She kissed the tip of Sana’s nose – she’d been wanting to do that forever, too – and then kissed away a tear that had started to make its way down her cheek. “I… I can’t imagine a life where you’re not by my side. I haven’t been able to since I met you.”

Sana buried her face in Momo’s shoulder, then, and Momo wrapped her arms around her.

“It feels like I’m dreaming.” She said, muffled by Momo’s jacket.

“Me too.”

“We aren’t, though, right?”

“No, if we were dreaming I’d be able to feel my toes.”

Sana laughed through her tears. She picked her head back up to look at Momo.

“We can go inside.”

“I’m okay. Wherever you want. I want to be wherever you are.”

Sana laughed again and hugged her a little tighter.

“Let’s go inside before my tears freeze.”

“One more for the long walk home?” Momo whispered. Sana rolled her eyes but couldn’t fight the smile, leaning in for another kiss.

[jeoniius]

Next Life | kth (m)

☆ summary:  Although you and Taehyung didn’t believe in first and second lives, you both wished you’d find each other in the next life as you both looked at the sky that night.

☆ pairing: husband!tae x wife!reader

☆ genre: angst, smut.

☆ warning: sexual content, angst

☆ word count: 4k

☆a/n: Finally this is done. Thank you so much @jkiddingjeon for beta-ing the fic, it meant A LOT. I really love this fic and I hope you enjoy it too. ngl it's a pretty heartbreaking fic so get ready for some ANGST.

Love. Hate. 

It’s always adjacent to each other. Something that’s always there when the other is present. It also changes people. How it makes people go from loving someone and being best friends with someone to trying everything they can to pull them down, to take them out. 

You’d say you can relate to it. In more ways than one. You had seen your fair share of people going from loving them unconditionally to talking shit about them the next day. Divorce was one of them. All the promises and vows made of staying through health and sickness, through good and bad, thrown out of the window. 

You thought of it as one of the most heartbreaking things and now you were here. Doing the exact thing as you watched the clock tick by, thinking of ways and excuses to get you out of this marriage. This marriage that ended everything. It hadn’t always been like this. No, you were in love. You were so madly in love that if anyone had told you you’d stand in this place today you’d not believe it. 

You are still in love. So madly in love but the difference being you want it to end. Maybe that way you’d find each other again.

As time went by, you stood by the railing of your balcony. The bright light of the city shined underneath you as you thought Tomorrow would be it. The end of what once was seen as a beautiful love story by not only you but by many others. The final chapter.

Maybe love and hate stood adjacent to each other but you could never hate him. 

And so you stood there, taking it all in, you thought about where it went wrong.

7 months ago

“I can’t believe you think that!” you shouted, hands up in the air as you walked back into the apartment, him following you behind. 

“Well I wouldn’t if you kept your distance!” he said, raising his voice.

“Oh my god. One hug. It was one hug. And that too because he was leaving.” 

“It didn’t look like one,” he argued back. 

“Are you freaking kidding me right now? Nothing happened, you know that.” you said trying to calm yourself down. 

“Stop trying to argue with me all the fucking time.” he bit back. 

“Oh, I am arguing? You were the one who started it.” You took long strides towards him. 

“You were the one who accused his wife of cheating although you have no proof whatsoever” you gritted through your teeth as your finger poked his chest. 

He let out a loud groan as you run your hands through your hair. “You know what, Taehyung? You can stay here. I’m leaving.” and with that you grabbed your purse and keys and strode out the door, slamming it behind. 

Kim Taehyung. 

The love of your life. You met him in college. As cliché as it sounds, he was the heartthrob with his extremely good looks and his unbelievable flirting skills. You weren’t supposed to know him at all if you thought about it. 

Your college held its annual fest, and you were the head of the management. You had stumbled across him when he had come to drop off some supplies instead of his best friend. You got into a small quarrel when he commented on how you were the head of the management when you were only a freshman and questioned your ability to pull the entire thing off when it was only three days from the fest and not even one percent of anything was done.

You got into a bet with him as you made him promise you that he’d treat you to something of your choice if you pulled it off. Nevertheless, you pulled the entire thing off within the next two days, proving him wrong. As a promise, he treated you to something really expensive(of course you had picked it) and then swore to never question your ability.  

You started seeing more of him, with his surprise visits to your class (which usually ended up with girls surrounding you asking how you knew him) or him coming to your seat in the cafeteria just to give you some new juice he got for you. Sometimes he’d ask you to come to one of his basketball matches and then took you to dinner afterward. 

You felt your heartbeat increasing every time you saw him or heard his name in fact, and before you knew it, you were confessing to him, putting your heart on the line. 

The day you confessed, you ran out before he could even reply. Too scared to be rejected. But Taehyung did something you’d never expect. He brought you to an amusement park, took you to dinner, and then confessed to you with thousands of chocolate (literally). 

You both had your fair share of arguments and then makeup sex. Mind-blowing sex to be exact. 

Your relationship with Taehyung was built on trust. He’d be there waiting for you every time you came home late and vice versa. You’d be at all of his games. You’d go to every party, hang out with your friends.

Once he graduated, he’d wait to pick you up every day. Every day you’d go to your favorite café, with your friends, complete assignments and projects, argue about who won the last UNO game, girls vs boys. 

He spent every hour with you when you struggled with your dream job and you did the same. When you finally did get the job, he asked you to marry him. You nodded then and there. Tears escaped, phone calls were made. Everyone came to the engagement party and then the wedding and you truly thought everything you ever wanted was there. Your family, your friends, his friends, him. 

But what you didn’t know then was what followed after. Just like promises are made, they are broken. Trust is broken and the bond doesn’t stay. 

The first two years were bliss. You went to Paris for your honeymoon and then to New York. Yes, New York for your honeymoon. You experienced the love in Paris and the rush in New York. 

You spent most of the days in Paris, going to spots of attractions, enjoying the food in the café, walking around the streets drunk and completely in love, having late night sex, morning sex,  just lots of sex to be exact. 

But in New York, you spent your days going to Times Square, Bars, and Pubs had ‘the’ New York pizza and cheesecakes and hotdogs and whatnot. Went shopping and sightseeing. Roamed around the streets at night, met so many people.

You believed you had found what you had been looking for all your life. Someone to go to romantic dinners and the craziest parties with.  

But what followed was something you didn’t think would happen. Every marriage has its ups and downs. You had to. But then it started.

Every party would become an excuse to start arguments, every late night at work would lead to assumptions. At first, you thought it would be fine. Talking would help, it was always the key for the both of you but lately, every time you spoke or tried to solve the issues, it would end in huge fights, sometimes followed by sex, or even if not sex, you’d stop talking to each other and then one day pretend nothing happened. 

Although in heels you walked around the park near your apartment. ‘It will be fine’ you told yourself as you tried not to break down. Deciding it would not be a good idea to go anywhere at that hour, you sat by a bench.

The cold wind hit you as a shiver ran down your body, the thin wine slip dress doing nothing to stop it. The screen of your phone lit up as you saw multiple texts from Taehyung. A part of you was happy that he cared enough to text you. You clicked on his profile as a series of texts came up.

Tae: where are you?

Tae: come on Y/N, don’t be stupid. 

Tae: it’s really late. where the fuck are you?

Tae: baby, you’re scaring me. 

Sighing you got up and made your way out of the park. Since you lived in a complex, it didn’t take you too long to walk. As you opened the keys, you saw Taehyung pacing around the living room. “Where are my keys?” he muttered to himself, not noticing your presence. 

A clinking sound made Taehyung look up as the keys hit the ceramic bowl on the kitchen top. “Where were you?” he asked, trying to control his anger. You didn’t answer him as you took off the heels, internally sighing when the cold floor hit your barefoot. “Are you seriously gonna ignore me? I asked where the fuck were you?” he pulled you by your wrists stopping you from going further. “Don’t do this.” you gritted through your teeth as you harshly pulled away before going inside your shared bedroom. 

You slipped out of the dress and you got inside the shower, the hot water touching your skin as you stood there. No matter how much you tried not to think about it, you always went back. Where did it go wrong? 

You changed into shorts and one of Taehyung’s oversized shirts as it reached mid-thigh. Getting inside the covers, you relaxed, the cool sensation of your bedsheet and covers calming you somehow as you turned towards the glass wall. 

You heard a sigh as Taehyung got inside the room. He got inside the covers and stared at your back as you tried to keep calm. You felt an arm wrap around your waist as he pulled you closer, back colliding with his chest, nuzzling his face at the crook of your neck. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” his voice came muffled as you felt the vibrations on your neck. 

“I really am.” he said, taking a deep breath pulling you closer if that was possible. You sighed, turning to him. 

“I felt really cheap, you know” you said, hands reaching to cup his face. “I’m so sorry baby.” he sighed, closing his eyes as you ran your hand through his hair. “I know.” 

He pressed a kiss on your lips as you pulled him closer, hands wrapping around his neck. You sighed into the kiss as his lips trailed down towards your collarbone, sucking and nipping then. Soon enough he was inside you as he went on an animalistic pace. “Do you think he can fuck you like this?” he growled. You ignored him as you knew you were close, focusing on your climax. You came within the next few minutes as he rubbed your clit while thrusting.

Later on, he lapped up the spilled contents lazily as you screamed his name, your cries stroking his ego.

He wrapped an arm around your naked waist as he fell asleep on his stomach, head on your chest, legs tangled over your naked ones. You stroked his hair as you stared at the ceiling, his words ringing in your ear ‘Do you think he can fuck you like this?’

A small realization crept inside your head. He was never gonna trust you.

He stirred in his sleep, pulling you closer, he pressed an open-mouth kiss above the swell of your breast in his sleep. Releasing a long sigh, you kissed his head, quickly pushing the thought aside. 

That was the first mistake. 

“I love you so much,” you said. 

You pulled the robe over your body tightly, a coffee cup in your hand. Picking up your phone you looked at the time. 3:08 am it read. The city still buzzed with life. The cold breeze hit your face soothingly as you closed your eyes. Only if you had done something before, things wouldn’t have gone wrong. 

4 months ago

Your phone buzzed as you frustratedly rubbed your face. You dreaded picking up the call, not wanting to have to shout again. Things had been gradually worsening between you and Taehyung. Late-night fights, coming home drunk, not talking to each other for weeks had become a common thing nowadays and no matter how hard you tried, no matter how many times you both tried to co-operate, you didn’t seem to escape it.

“You should talk to him.” Ae-ra said, handing you a cup of tea. 

Tea. 

You never liked tea. You were more of a coffee person. You preferred the rush, the adrenaline. But nowadays, you were tired. Tired of doing the same thing over and over again. Having the same quarrels and fights over and over again. Tea seemed to calm you. 

“And then what? Get into another fight?” 

“You know what I mean, babe.” She said as she rubbed your arm soothingly.

“Maybe later. I cannot deal with him now.” you sipped on the cup.

What you didn’t know was that “later” would come that fast. You went back to your apartment to get more of your clothes. You planned on going at night, when he was most probably out with his friends or whoever kept him busy nowadays. But to your surprise, he was there. 

You opened the main door, using the key you had with you to meet with his laying figure on the couch. His head shot up at the sound of the door, eyes meeting each other. He looked drained, hair messy and bags under his eyes. You cursed under your breath, debating if you should just go back to Ae-ra’s place and come later for your clothes. 

“Look who’s here.” he scoffed as he got up from the couch.

Deciding on the former, you walked past him without taking another glance, into your shared bedroom. Taking a bag out, you shoved as many clothes as possible wanting to stay away from this mess. “Are you gonna ignore me now?” you heard him as he entered the room. 

You zipped up the chain as you walked towards the door wanting to leave. He grabbed your hand before you could go any further. He felt so scared when he saw you packing your stuff, so much that it suffocated him. “Fucking answer me.” his voice raised as he stared at you. 

Taehyung’s eyes softened as he saw the dry tears on your cheeks and he wanted nothing more than to pull you close and never let go. To talk to you and tell you it would be fine, that you would figure it out together. 

As he saw your tired eyes, glossy as you tried to keep your composure, he wanted to kiss you so badly and keep you tucked away from every bad thing; ever, even himself if he was bad for you.

And maybe he would have done that. Hugged you and kissed you. Kept you in his arms if you didn’t start talking. 

“Leave me the fuck alone.” you pulled away harshly. “You know what? Yes, I am ignoring you and gladly will.” 

“What is wrong with you? You cannot just come and go like that.” he said, hands gesturing to your bag.

“I can and I will. You cannot stop me” you clarified.

“ Yes, I can. I am your husband for god’s sake.” a frustrated tone laced his words.

“Husband?” you scoffed. “When were you a good husband? Where did this go when I stayed up till dawn every day waiting for you?” 

“You know how hectic things have been at work.” he looked at you knowingly. 

“That doesn’t mean you’d stop spending time with me!” you yelled.

You knew you were being unreasonable. Things really were hectic at work for him. But you couldn’t help but feel lonely when you came home after a long day to an empty and cold apartment and then stayed up every day almost all night for your husband. You felt so neglected when he’d come home and go to sleep straight away without saying anything. 

All the doubts about your marriage slowly were coming true and you wanted nothing more than to prove it wrong. But talking about it led to arguments with Taehyung. So you decided to stay away from home, so that you didn’t have to think about it, to begin with. 

That was the second mistake. 

“You are going nowhere.” Taehyung took the bag from your hand and walked towards the bed. “You’ll stay at home.”

“Home?” a humorless chuckle left your throat. “I will go anywhere I want, but home.” 

“I mean it Y/N. Stop acting like a kid. Go wash up and come to bed.” he sighed. 

“I’m not staying” you concluded, ready to leave your stuff behind as you turned. 

You felt a pair of hands wrap around your waist as he stuffed his face in the junction of your neck and shoulder. A tear left your eyes, followed by streams, and for some reason, your heart broke, it felt like he was pulling you apart from inside. 

You felt his warm breath as he mumbled something. He pressed you towards him as you silently cried. 

Later that night, as he fucked you slowly, something different than his usual dominating aura, your heart ached, but you couldn’t pinpoint why. He kissed you ever so passionately, that you cried. 

Something told you that it would be over soon, so you hugged him as close as you could when he slept. You cried as he hugged you in his sleep like you would go away if he didn’t have you in his arms. 

“I love you so much,” he mumbled in his sleep.

That’s when you realized how bad the entire situation was. How bad you were for him just like he was for you. How bad this marriage was. 

And what followed after confirmed everything you ever doubted. 

2 months ago

“You think I didn’t see you?” you yelled. 

“What are you talking about?” he looked curious. 

“Oh sure, play the good guy, make me look bad, why don’t you?” you scoffed.

“I have no idea what you are talking about.” he repeated. “How would you? You thought you were good enough to keep it away from me.” you said. His eyebrows crashed as he tried to understand. “I saw you with her. Maybe that’s why you were always late. You were too busy fucking her.” a bitterness stayed in your mouth. “Are you kidding me?” he said as he raked his fingers through his hair. 

“You are accusing me of cheating, Y/N? You?” he scoffed. “Don’t think I forgot about the party.” 

“Oh my god. You were never going to believe me, were you?” you looked at him with a glint in your eyes. 

“You are being paranoid Y/N,” he said calmly. 

“You know what? Maybe I will go to him. The guy you accused me of cheating. Maybe I will let him fuck me. Clear all your doubts and make it true!” you were screaming now. 

“I can’t do this anymore,” he said, voice so calm maybe you would have been scared if you were thinking straight. 

“Neither can I.” you said as you walked out of the house. 

The next day when you woke up, you felt bad for yelling at him. So you decided to go back and talk to him. And maybe you would have if fate didn’t have anything else planned. 

As you walked into the house, you saw a man sitting on your couch, Taehyung at his side as paper lay in front of him. The man looked at you briefly before turning back to Taehyung. “Thank you for coming on such short notice, Mr. Lee.” he said as he shook hands with the man. The man nodded. 

Before leaving, he looked at you, “See you in court.” 

You furrowed your brows before realization hit you. “Tae, what did he mean by that?” 

He kept quiet as he gathered the papers. “Baby, what’s wrong? Talk to me.” you tried again. Taehyung got up as he handed you the papers, then went to the bedroom. You stared at them as you couldn’t process anything. 

You cannot get divorced. You cannot live without him.  

You walked inside the room as you saw him looking out. “Tae, we can talk, right? You don’t mean this.” your voice shook. 

Walking up to him you wrapped your arms around his, face buried in his back as you mumbled “This is a joke, right?” 

You heard his sigh before he turned to you, eyes glossy. “We can’t keep doing this.”

“We won’t. We’ll figure it out. We don’t have to do this.” you went on. 

“Y/N-”

“No, no, you don’t understand. You are out of your mind. We can’t get divorced.”

“I’m sorry, but I cannot do this anymore.” he said,

You looked at him. “Why are you saying it as if it is all my fault?” 

“I don’t mean that.”

“You absolutely mean that. Your face says it all.” you gestured toward him. “Oh. You really are gonna do this?” you said as he rubbed his face. 

“Well, fuck you, Kim Taehyung. You can do whatever you want. You can blame me all you want but you and I both know the minute I walk out, you are going to regret this.” 

“You can keep going for my heart and put all this on me, but you will miss me to your bone the minute this is over.” you said as you stormed off. 

That night, you went back to Ae-ra’s place. You screamed at the sky pretending it was him while he stayed awake that night as he looked at the sky. “I’m so sorry Y/N. I love you so much” he said, tears freely falling.

It really was over. All your doubts came true. Your marriage ended. Maybe it was for the better. ‘You’re being paranoid’ he said. He was right. You became paranoid.

You wiped the single tear and looked at the sky, soft light spread across as the birds sang. 5:00 am

You picked out the attire you were going to wear to the court. Your phone buzzed as you picked it up. It was Ae-ra. It’s gonna be okay. You’ll get through it. she said.

You went to the court that day. You watched him as he entered the room, a black tux hugging his frame. He had become more buff than he was the last time you saw him two months ago. As he ran his fingers through his hair, his shoulder blades flexed. The same shoulder blades that had your nail marks reminding the night before from every morning you’ve spent together. You smiled at that memory. 

Soon the judge walked in and the process went on. 

At one point in your relationship with him, assuming was something you both picked up. Long gone was the trust which was the key in your relationship. Maybe it was for the better. You both were paranoid; assumptions feeding more into it. 

But what you both gradually became, was bad for each other. Not at the beginning of your relationship, but somewhere in the middle, it went out of hand. Maybe if you spoke to each other more, maybe if you hadn’t pushed your thoughts the first day it came, then maybe you wouldn’t be here. But everything happens for a reason. 

Kim Taehyung was the heartthrob of the campus. Kim Taehyung was the first person you confessed you loved. He was the first person who heard ‘I love you’ from you. He was your first love. 

As the saying goes, some people are in our lives, just to teach us a lesson. Good and Bad. Kim Taehyung was that for you. You were still in love with him. Distance makes the heart grow fonder and yours did. You loved him more than you did before. And so maybe letting him go was easy. You were bad for him and he was bad for you. But that didn’t stop you from loving him.

And that didn’t stop him from loving you as you sat at the courthouse, as he looked at your face when it was over, as he lay in his bed alone that night.

Maybe you weren’t meant to be. Or maybe you were, but you didn’t know-how. But it was fine. And maybe as time goes by, it would hurt less. 

Although you and Taehyung didn’t believe in first and second lives, you both wished you’d find each other in the next life as you both looked at the sky that night. 

taglist: @mwitsmejk​

[headingalaxys-spicy]

To prepare for college this year, I’m spending some time in my dorm before the semester starts. It’s the farthest I’ve ever been from home alone (like multiple states away) and I’m actually kinda scared. Could I pretty please have France, America, Canada, and or Germany and Italy comforting a friend via a phone call or something?? Doesn’t have to be anything fancy, just fluffy would be nice. Thank you so much in advance! I really love your works! :)

I’m glad you like my work thank you. 🥹

Anyways…

*BUSTS DOWN DOOR WITH 2P AMERICA���s BAT because I came here to BEAT UP THE SADNESS*

Some of these are voicemails that are meant to be supportive and be funny distractions. There are two dialogues because I couldn’t think of anything but all of them but, the same I hope you like it. And congratulations on a new year in college you’re going to do great.

🇺🇸 America 🇺🇸

“Yo Y/N How are you? How was the flight? How is (university name)? Have you met anyone yet that you have super awesome super hero movie marathons with? I also heard that there was this weird school tradition that your school does where students run around in their underwear during finals? Dude that sounds wicked awesome! Your school knows how to party! I want to join you ! ahahahahahaha!”

He lets out his signature boisterous heroic laugh. He goes on about Halloween plans and other things he wants to do with you on that weekend. He also wanted to take you apple picking, have cozy bonfires and cuddles sessions, pumpkin carving, and scaring the living hell out of Arthur. At least for now you knew you had a friend who’d come to visit you while you started this new chapter in life.

🇨🇦 Canada 🇨🇦

“Hey Y/N how are you?” He detected the concern in his gentle voice.

“I’m alright.” You say in a low cracking voice.

You got up from your bottom bunk bed in your dorm room. It was 20:13 and you wanted to watch the sun sink below the city’s outline. You glided your eyes across the campus watching few spots move about in your vision. Not too many people were on campus just yet and not all summer sessions had ended. You had been lost in your foggy tangled forest of thought you didn’t reconizge that you hadn’t responded to Matthew’s question. You remaind silent for over a minute. This prompted Matthew to repeat your nave several times until he reached his chreshendo that pulled your attention back to him. But you were still in your emotional haze.

“Are you sure you don’t need me to come and comfort you ASAP? I can if you’re really not feeling so well. I know it’s hard but I know you can do it. But you’re also really far away.”

“You’re right Matthew. It is all overwhelming and even just a little bit scary.” You think about all of the bad scenarios running through your mind and you feel your heart start to race and maybe even a few tears make their way to your eyes.

“Of course. Being an adult tends to be that way but, you are one of the strongest people I know…Building the life that you’ve always have wanted. Going through this is importaint but you can do it I know you can.”

The swirling tornado of emotions froze and you still had those lingering feelings with less intsneity.

After another long pause you told Matthew.

“Don’t worry Matt. I can survive until I see you and the FACE family again for camping in September. Where we’re going to prank FRA-”

“ALFRED!” Matthew Shouts. He was still seething over the curel prank that his older brother pulled on him last year.

“Ahem. Sorry aboot that Y/N hahah…Anyways I believe in you have fun and make sure you try all the best pancakes in your university’s cafes!”

🇫🇷 France 🇫🇷

“Oh mon ami how are you?”

“Fine I guess…..” He caught on to your lack of sparkle in your voice.

“Tell me darling what is it? This is your dream school no? Why so glum?”

You take in a deep breath and explain to him in detail all of the sad feelings that washed over you like high tides during a full moon. You tell him about the loneliness and how the separtaion makes you long to be at home and far away from your current location. This profound chnage in your life was overwhelming and you had no one to give you one of the good tight hugs that only people who knew you well knew how to give. Your voice was cracking over the speaker and France being an empath felt his own heart begin to crumble at your distress with the introduction of a new chapter in your life. He reained quiet and allowed you to drain your heart of sadness. The air was filled with your range of emotions and that helped clear your mind just a little. You wouldnn’t be like this always. But for now it was okay to feel the feels.

“You know I’m glad you’re talking to me Y/N. Is there any other way I can help you? I have already started to prepare a care package to send to you that has the most luxurious sweets. Macaroons, Madeleines, Mille Feuille, Mendiants, Mousse au Chocolat. It will be the magnificent MMMMMMM box.”

(I’m sorry, not sorry XD)

“Good-bye Francis.” You hang up with a deadpan look on your face and the faint traces of a smile trying to bust out.

“Wait Y/N NOOOO! I LOVE YOU DON’T DO THIS TO ME!” He frantically tries to call you back.

🇩🇪 Germany 🇩🇪

*Intentionally left a voicemail while you were on your flight. He wanted to be supportive but is better when he has a script and has rehearsed his lines of what he wants to convey.*

“Y/N I hope this message finds you well. When you land make sure you get some water as you’ve been in the air for over 8 hours you’re likely dehydrated and you should find some hearty food and rest. Also I hope your okay your smile faded rather fast when your turned from the group to head into the airport. It seemed like the reality of it all was beginning to hit you. You’re far away now but never out of reach of your friends and family that care about you. We’re all a call or text message away. Anyways I’m going to do that American holiday with you this year the Friendsgiving. Ja. So I hope you don’t have any plans the weekend before Thanksgiving because I rented out a cabin in Tahoe and have a nice itinerary so we can have the most fun. Viel Glück k Y/N. I know you’ll have a good semester and make new friends and aquaintaances. And remember take breaks. Call me when you’ve settled in okay? Tschüss.”

🇮�� Italy 🇮🇹

*Voicemail*

“Ve Ciao Y/N I hope your flight was nice and got to see some pretty views! Check your dorm entrance in 20 minutes there will be an Italian delivery guy that I know who runs one of the best Italian cuisine places in your area. I hope you like it it has a 5 course meal from the bread to the gelato and tiramisu. I know it can be lonely being in a new place but this is only temporary. You’re good at making friends. It’s how you met me hahah. Make sure we can at least talk once a week. Also we should be penpals we’re far away enough to where sending letters nowadays is a way we can make our friendship even more special! Anways call me soon and I miss you already. Hasta la Pasta ❤️”