#i’m killing myself rn.

[rosalinesurvived]

I am actually frothing at the mouth rn where the fuck is the interview where Asagiri implies that the Azure King case never occured and thus Kunikida never accidentally caused the deaths of five people and so Rokuzou never lost his father and so Kunikida never met Sasaki OR Rokuzou. Where is it. What the fuck yall. Kunikida wears a blue tie in beast because he never associates blue with death. And he never meets Dazai so there’s nobody to hammer it into his head on how his ideals aren’t trustworthy. And how this implies that Dazai somehow offed the Azure King and Apostole.

[b1gwings]

god, i love this little fucking weirdo

[sanasanakun]

Jimmy’s relationship to suicide is a little funny. Like he crashes out (literally) in the beginning and immediately is like AHHHHH!!!!!! -fetal position rocking sobbing- and then he survives and he’s gotta be awkwardly standing there going “oh….ummmmm well that was weird amirite, guys? Geez, who would…who would KILL THEMSELVES like THAT? I mean come on.” And later when he finds out about the Cyropod I just know he was like “um fuckinggggg score let’s gooooo” but when Swansea calls him a coward he immediately pivots to shooting himself as Plan B. Which is….just an amazing leap in logic. An absolute masterclass example of thinking on the fly from Mr. Jimmy Mouthwashing. And again before he activates Plan B he has an AHHHHH!!!!!! -fetal position rocking sobbing- sequence. Like brother….the second crash out is too much. make up your mind lol

[sleepyc63]

i miss my wife (rain world)

[moons-among-distant-stars]

fucking stupid gay people and their stupid found family

“in this moment you are loved”

i’m gonna sob

[strawberrybyers]

finished all of bridgerton and i’m like ok guess i’ll just lie down and think about how no one is in love with me right now

[confusedspaceotter]

(Meme stolen from Reddit

[s-ccaam-era-crepe]

hmm. you never realize how much of yourself you hide away until you just don’t tell people things yeah

[girlyteengirl16]

i’ve never hated anyone more than i hate myself

[angel-therandomthing]

I AM GOING FUCKING INSANE I NEED FULL MOON TO RELEASE I WANT TO SEE MY STOLAS ITS 17 DAYS INTO MAY WHY HAS IT NOT RELEASED YET

[judeiscariot]

finished draft 2 moodboard.

[im-a-dragon-cawcaw]

Finally showered after one week of Very Bad Time Syndrome and let me tell y’all that felt great

[bibleofficial]

so private prescriptions aren’t covered in wales … lame but when i found that out picking up the antipsychotics & was 😶 ‘like oh my god how much is is going to be like my regular script in the states is 300$ w/o insurance’ & it was 12£ for 2 mo. ok. werk.

[excelsior9173]

i’ve been saying i’d do it since damn september but guess who’s finally going to call and make a fuckin doctors appointment?? this guy!

it’ll take forever to get in but i actually can’t cope with the mental week from hell before my period. never in my life have i wanted my cycle to show up but i am begging my body to hurry up and start bleeding so i can feel somewhat normal again

i think this last week has been one of the worst i’ve had. the suicidal ideation has been at an all time high- i came the closest i ever have to acting on it (but hey at least there’s no intrusive thoughts right now??) and the anger is unmanageable. it’s probably for the best i’ve been alone because the only person i can be mean to and hurt is myself. i have been blowing up nonstop and honestly the rage scares me. i don’t want to be that person. i don’t want to hurt myself either

anyways. just having a really bad time the last few days and desperately need help so i’m gonna suck it up, kick my ass into gear and call the damn campus office on monday.

[the-dalseum-duet]

…so no head?

oh my god. Ohhh my god. I AM THINKING ABOUT THEM

is this canon? no. not right now. I think I might be able to pull something like this off with Sonnet if I played my cards right but idk. Because at this time, Gale would have “quit to work in the Lovesong district” (read: only working for Sonnet in secret) and Sara would be getting her doctorate. so sonnet is our only option. but. rn. let’s just traumatize Kai a little. shake him around

!!cw for themes of suicide and potentially unnerving sexual language!!

obligatory “I’ll regret tagging you in this once I turn 18 but I only have so much longer to write stupid shit” tag: @svwhssftr

Kai’s dress shoes rhythmically rapped against the slick floor as the sun lowered above him. The Palace halls were so, so empty. The once bustling festivities of The Moonlight Festival had braked to a screeching halt. Whether it was the murder of a Council official in broad daylight or the imminent crowning of The Empress, Kai wasn’t sure. 

His forearm shook as he shifted his weight into the armory’s door. He knew exactly where to find Noeul. 

“What the hell are you doing?” Kai snapped. “Sonnet sent my ass up here to find you. I was planning on watching the coronation safely from my own home, but no! Your selfish-“

Kai’s voice trailed off as his eyes widened. Noeul finished polishing the gun in his hands before aiming it at his own throat. 

“I’m not coming back from this, Shirogane,” he whispered, precisely painted fingers trembling. 

Kai wasn’t one for comforting. In reality, he agreed that Dalseum probably would be better if Noeul offed himself. But Marie wouldn’t make it if he did. The scared little girl who boldly told him to ‘fuck off’ couldn’t survive yet another blow to her psyche. 

“Your daughter is waiting for you,” Kai said. “She looks beautiful. If you see one last thing, it really should be her.” 

“Marie doesn’t know what’s happening,” Noeul hummed, his voice tinged with tears. “Marie just knows she’s our puppet, and she’ll play that role no matter what happens. Maybe Crow was justified, just up and fucking over our entire family like that. We’re all a train wreck, Kai, and I caused it.” 

“Took you long enough to realize,” Kai said under his breath. 

“Where’s Porter? Isn’t he supposed to be helping her?” he asked, slowly lowering the gun. 

“Porter’s dead,” Kai said, clearing his throat. 

“He’s what?”

“Blaire sliced off his head in the middle of the Lovesong square. She’s heading towards The Palace, and I don’t think she’s coming for the coronation.” 

“Oh. Well, that’s okay,” Noeul said, his face static. “Sonnet knows what they’re doing.” 

“Adam and Crow are with her. If one goes down, then they all go down.” 

“Three birds with one stone,” Noeul half-joked, tucking his pistol into his ostentatious coat. 

“There we go,” Kai awkwardly clapped. “The cameras are all set. I’ll make sure all of The Palace doors and windows are locked. God, could you imagine that? Those low-lives crashing the coronation?” 

“If they do, I’ll take care of them.” 

“Are you sober enough to aim?”

“No,” Noeul scoffed. “I’ll kill ‘em, anyway.”

“You’re a classy man, Sang.”

“Takes one to know one.”

“Oh, shit!” Kai exclaimed, peering out the window. “What do you bet that’s them?” 

Kai pointed at three fuzzy figures on the outskirts of The Cocktail Quarters. With everyone else preparing for the coronation, they were the only thing that possibly could have been moving. 

“Good luck, Blaire.” Noeul sarcastically pressed his lips against his fingers and blew a kiss through the window. 

“Chea’s probably stressed out of their mind.”

“They don’t have enough of a mind to possibly stress,” Noeul said, rolling his eyes. 

“Trouble in paradise?”

“Sonnet was always my second choice. It was never paradise.” 

“And which choice was I?”

“I was never going to marry you. Really, I can’t stand you.”

“Glad to know the feeling is mutual.” Kai nodded as he readjusted his scarf. 

“I can’t wait for this to be over,” Noeul sighed. 

“The whole Blackbird mess?”

“It’s going to end one way or another. No matter what, I’m killing myself after this.”

“Even if you take back the Blackbirds?”

“I might fuck Blaire one last time before I go. Just to watch her realize that, in the end, none of us are going to win.”

“Ugh, really? She’s got all these stretch marks and saggy tits now. She’s not the Blaire you knocked up.” 

“Doesn’t matter. Her pussy’s the same.”

“Whatever you say. Shit, can I join you?”

“Since when were you interested in women?”

“I’m not interested in fucking her, but watching her reaction would be funny.” 

“God, don’t even mention it. I can’t be visibly hard for my daughter’s coronation.” 

“You’re going to kill yourself right after, so why does it matter?”

“I want to go with some dignity left.” 

Noeul took a deep breath as they approached the ballroom’s entrance. 

“This is it,” he whispered, his hands still shaking. 

“Shoot a fag point-blank and fuck a bitch up for me before you blow your own brains out, alright?”

“That’s the plan.” 

“I’ll almost miss being your side piece.” Kai leaned to kiss Noeul’s neck, sinking his teeth into his flesh to mark him. 

“Damn it,” Noeul seethed, swatting Kai away. “I’d say I’ll miss you, but I don’t want my last words to be lies.”

“It would only be appropriate.” Kai shrugged as he patted Noeul’s back. 

“I’ll see you on the other side, Shirogane.”

“Godspeed, Sang.” 

Kai somberly nodded as the ballroom doors creaked shut. Kai bit his bottom lip as Marie eagerly hugged him and excitedly showed him her coronation hanbok and all the bells and whistles attached. Noeul’s death would break the poor girl. Hell, she’d probably feel like it was her fault. 

As Kai turned to leave the palace, the caught a glimpse of puffy black hair and the blade of an axe out of the corner of his eye. 

The Blackbirds had arrived. 

He made direct eye contact with Crow, and the poor boy’s eyes swelled as big as his hair. He mouthed something to an unknown figure below him, but Kai grinned at him as he unlatched the window. 

“Welcome to the coronation!” Kai winked as he waved Crow inside. 

“What the fuck?” Crow laughed. “Do you think we’re that stupid?”

“I’m not armed. I’m serious.” Kai raised his arms and turned around. “I have no reason not to let you inside.” 

“Don’t trust him, Crow,” Adam snapped, pulling him under beneath the ledge of the window.

“Is that you, Belle?” Kai cackled. “Man, it’s been a minute! How’s that navel piercing healing?” 

“Go to hell, Kai,” Adam replied. 

“Well, I surely won’t be the only one.” Kai calmly slinked out of the window and left it open. He saluted the Blackbirds before he started on the short trail back to his townhouse in The Cocktail Quarters. 

“The cameras are rolling. Give them a hell of a show, Sang.”

[kavehater]

I fear I do not know what to do now that I’m free 🫠