#i’m having the best evening tbh fully chill

[why-the-heck-not]

30.09.23, saturday

i love dessert wines more than anything

[wonysugar]

show them | lee chaeyoung

synopsis: your camgirl best friend invites you to feature in one of her shows<3

pairing: camgirl!isa x fem!reader

genres: just pure smut tbh nothing else going on LOL

warnings: degradation, heavy humiliation, voyeurism/exhibitionism, objectification, kind of dumbification

word count: 1069

a/n: so i was working on my sana fic, but i had this thought stuck in my head and it wasn’t letting me concentrate so i wrote this instead. here are some crumbs to feast off of while i finish the rest!!

“thank you so much for the donation seraphinee!” thanked your best friend, isa, as she was pumping her fingers in and out of you with no mercy whatsoever whilst reading the comments and checking the tips. it’s been about 40 minutes and you still couldn’t fully believe you were here doing this, getting used in front of a camera, with a whole audience watching. and you were even more shocked that you enjoyed every bit of it.

first, her casually confessing that she did this for a living, and then straight up inviting you to one her lives? it all felt like a fever dream, but here you were.

“do you see this, baby? people are liking it, alot. maybe i should invite you over more often.” she said in a playful tone, still working her fingers inside of your walls, making you clench around her as you moaned out her name repeatedly. “don’t you think so, y/n?” she added as she increased the speed of her movements, making you a whining mess. words couldn’t come out of you, you weren’t bothered enough to make them come out.

“answer me, you slut.” she harshly pulled on your hair, making your head throw back as her fingering grew rougher by the second, making it even harder for you to form a complete and correct sentence.

“y-yes isa, i - fuck - i think so t-too.” you said, eyes rolling at the back of your head at her calling you ‘such a good girl’ for her. being so vulnerable like this for hundreds of people to see and get off to, getting used like this by your own best friend, all of it, turned you on so much. then, as you were getting closer to your climax, her rough movements suddenly stopped.

“awe, you didn’t get to cum, did you, baby?” she mocked, you whined out of impatience, bucking your hips for any type of friction, mumbling and muttering little ‘please’s as she chuckled. it was honestly pathetic.

“sooo needy. and you’re letting everybody see you like this, too. everyone can see how much of a fucking whore you really are, and you’re just letting it happen hm? you like being used by your best friend while a bunch of nobodies jerk off to it, don’t you, you dumb fucking bitch?” she giggled as your chest heaved up and down, desperately trying to find enough oxygen. then, she pulled out her fingers, which earned a slow whimper from you, proceeded to lick them thoroughly and turned to the chat.

“my loves, what do you think we should use on this poor, naughty little thing? she clearly would cum to basically anything at this point, i mean, have you seen her?” she mockingly said, spreading apart your pussy lips with two fingers so everybody saw how dripping wet you were, it was so embarrassing, but you loved it so much. “so, let your imagination run wildd.”

lots of objects were coming up, some of them absolutely ridiculous, but most people were suggesting something pretty average, like a vibrator or a dildo. isa, at that moment, was feeling cheeky, so she chuckled to herself and grabbed a vibrator from her drawer.

she motioned for you to get on your back, cunt diagonally facing the webcam, she set the toy on the highest level, not even bothering to look at the donations anymore. she was focused on you now, and only you.

“now, i’m gonna use this on you. you are not allowed to cum until i say you can, okay darling?” her eyes and voice lustful, like her only intention was to ruin every part of you, it sent chills down your spine. you nodded.

“words.” she added, you shivered. “y-yes ma’am.” is what weakly came out of your mouth, and in response, she laughed in your face.

“ma’am? god, you really are a whore. you’re like a stupid bitch in heat. you probably can’t even think right, poor thing.” she said, still laughing at you. soon enough, she pressed the vibrator against your clit, making you gasp at the sudden sensation. you swore you could’ve just came right then and there. but you couldn’t, you had to hold it in. for isa.

what felt like an hour passed and she pressed it harder, sometimes to the point that it hurt you, but she didn’t give a fuck about that. in fact, she wanted you to be in pain. she knew how much you wanted to cum, but she also knew the amount of effort you were putting in not to.

“pleaseeepleasepleaseplease isa let me cumm please i’ve been so g-good.” you begged, letting go of every last bit of dignity you had left, which already wasn’t a lot. but, you couldn’t help it, you felt like you were gonna explode.

“hmmm… do you guys think we should let her?” she asked the audience, gently massaging your folds as she continued abusing your core with the toy, making it almost numb. fuck, it hurt.

she looked at the chat with an innocent smile plastered on her face, waiting for responses. when she saw them appear, she was a bit disappointed on seeing that most of them were a bunch of approvals on letting you cum, but she also did agree that you’ve went through enough for that day.

she looked at your shaking body with amusement, because that’s all you were at that moment. a fucktoy, something to entertain her. “you wanna cum, love?” she asked, acting as if it wasn’t obvious enough. you nod eagerly. you quietly begged her to let you finish, breathy moans escaping your mouth also. then, she put the vibrator away and… replaced it with her mouth?? “then cum on my tongue.” she ordered.

the feeling of her mouth on you felt incredible, especially after having nothing but a vibration on your clit for 10 whole minutes. you honestly felt pathetic, because a singular swipe of the tongue is what brought you to your peak. you closed your eyes as the orgasm you’ve been waiting so long for hits you like a truck. you let out a long and loud moan, calling out to her in any way you could think of. that’s the thing, you weren’t able to think, it all just felt sososososo good.

“that’s right, show them how good i made you feel, y/n.”

[myslutwritings]

Hey, hope you’re doing well!<3 :)

I love your headcanons on the uppermoon demons!! (I start doing laps around my room and cartwheeling every time you post🛐) I have a request on the upper moons x their female s/o during her time of the month (esp when she has very bad period cramps 🥲 like literally feels like you’re getting stabbed in the lower abdomen, back pain, nausea etc.,etc.)

You can write either mainly SFW hcs or mix it up with NSFW hcs, I don’t mind, just happy to get the request written tbh😭

(Also, if you don’t feel comfortable writing for such a topic, that’s okay! :) thank you for taking the time to read my request though! Hope you have a good day/night!<3)

TYSM🫶🫶 i’ll definitely be doing this! (and fyi yes i am completely writing for this kind of thing! it’s completely normal!)

➤ Uppermoons taking care of you on your time of the month

➤ Headcanons (not proof read)

Uppermoons x F!reader (modern AU)

Including: Muzan, Kokushibo, Douma, Akaza + Hantengu Clones!

•

•

•

warnings: mostly sfw but with some semi-nsfw

Muzan Kibutsuji

He l literally just arrives home to find you curled up on the bed. You look like you’re in agony and immediately he presumes someone hurt you.

That’s all until you tell him that your body is just experiencing horrendous cramps due to being on your period.

Muzan isn’t a dumbass so he’s familiar with what a period is.

So he obviously isn’t repulsed by you or anything!

You don’t even have to tell him fully because he caught the whiff of your blood prior. Which is another reason he thought someone hurt you at first.

As we know, not the best at giving affection but he’ll take care of you (if you’re lucky)

But whenever you’re on your period you receive sooo much affection from him and it always catches you off guard because you never EVER witness him like this.

Muzan lowkey loves how clingy you get as well. Feeds off it when you rely on him. It’s his confidence boost.

Cuddles with you (on occasion) and will give you free massages without you having to ask.

Isn’t the most vocal but he will whisper words of affirmation in your ear. It sends chills down your spine whenever he does.

You don’t even have to tell him where your cramps are because he immediately knows and takes care of it for you!

Is unexpectedly good at holding back his hunger for your blood. Muzan Isn’t too fond of your blood in the first place because he doesn’t want to hurt you in any way. (surprisingly. considering he’s the demon king n all)

Kokushibo

Then again, like Muzan he assumes you’re hurt until you inform him that you’re just having agonizing cramps.

Kokushibo absolutely despises witnessing you in any form of pain so without saying a word you’re quickly embraced by him.

Will take care of you all day and all night until you’re finally off your period.

Has to fight back the urge to taste your blood💀

If you have to postpone sexy times then he is understanding! As long as you’re comfortable. He’s happy just taking care of you like this.

Is a bit shocked by how needy you become though.

It’s sorta cute in his six eyes how humans get like this.

he’ll also love love LOVE how you’ll rely on him.. (but ofc he doesn’t express it)

Being overly vocal isn’t his nature but he’ll do his best to comfort you with his words as well if you’re in extreme pain.

Gently massages your cramps, buys you a heating pad and everything or he’ll even bathe you. Bro is such a gentleman tbh<33

I’m conclusion, he is always prepared. He’ll happily buy you a bunch of sweets if you have a habit of earthy candy while you’re on your cycle. Always prepared with pads too.

Douma

Douma isn’t really too fond of how lazy you become whenever you’re on your period!

You’re usually up and about so what’s changed?

At first he doesn’t notice until he smells the faint scent of fresh blood.

It’s embarrassing really because at first you didn’t tell him. But Douma isn’t an idiot so he immediately knows and teases you when you confess you were too shy to tell him.

Douma absolutely adores taking care of you and he literally is on his knees for you no matter what so anything you need he can definitely provide it! He’s obsessed with giving. He’s almost too giving.

I feel like he would just naturally have sweets in his house so he’ll just give them all to you.

Will bathe you and cook for you and gives you very intimate massages.

Tells you how you smell extra good whenever you’re on your period.

You punched him in the stomach for that.

Buttttt.. if you’re the one to not wanna engage in sexual acts when you’re on your cycle he will throw a fit if you have to postpone sexy times with him. i

He wants to taste you badly. Especially when you’re bleeding from there yk (he’s so downbad it’s unreal)

On the other end, he’s still satisfied though because you become way more clingy! Usually, he’s the one who’s clingy, so it’s like the roles are reversed.

Douma also finds it amusing whenever you’re withering in pain because of your cramps. He gets off by how extra vulnerable you get. (He’s such a sadist, i swear)

Douma lends you extra cuddles but you proceed to complain about how cold he is. You want to be warm and comfortable and be just isn’t helping with us naturally cold body temperature.

Throws a tantrum if you don’t wanna cuddle. Will beg you until you say yes. He doesn’t care and thinks you’ll feel better if you let him hold you (He is fucking delusional and doesn’t understand that he’s only making it worst)

Akaza

You know him, you love him.

You bet your ass this man is gonna be head over heels for you and treat you like his queen no matter what.

Akaza immediately knows what’s up when he comes across you lying on the couch clearly in pain.

Carries you to the bedroom and gives you a heating pad and just lies down next to you while stroking your hair. Telling you about his day because he knows his words comfort you!

You don’t even have to tell him because he knows what makes you feel better when you’re on your time of the month!

Buys you all the necessities you need! He naturally just knows by heart what to get.

Even buys you the correct pads/tampons too, gets you your favorite candy as well, or anything else you like!

Suchhhhh a fucking gentleman!!

The two of you share lots of fluffy moments together!

Whenever you’re experiencing extreme nausea he will make you something healthy to eat and lend you a cold drink. Will deadass spoon feed you all romantically

He’s super overprotective and loves to take care of you. ALWAYS.

We know Akaza doesn’t eat women so he’s easily able to fight back the urge to taste your blood. He couldn’t care less about that.

Is super understanding and accepting of you don’t want to engage in sexual acts while you’re on your period. He would much rather take care of you! But if you did want to have sex he wouldn’t complain.

Akaza probably wouldn’t be into eating you out while you’re on your period because as we know he doesn’t eat women.

Hantengu Clones

Sekido

You’d probably expect him to be mad but he actually isn’t which is a huge surprise.

He is only mad at the fact you’re in pain.

Only anger is his nature but he’ll drop it for once in order to care for you.

Not the best at it, imma admit.

If he needs to buy you pads he’ll probably get lost in the store. It takes him like an hour to find the correct ones for you because all this feminine stuff is confusing on his end.

But surprise, surprise, he returns back with everything you need despite him taking awhile.

Complains to you about it afterwards and how infuriating it was to find pad/tampons for you.

He’s being over dramatic so you just laugh it off and thank him.

Well, at least you’re happy so that’s good enough.

Doesn’t really like cuddling but if it’ll help you he’ll do it for your sake.

Karaku

Another amazing care taker.

Cooks for you, gives you baths, buys whatever feminine products you require even tho he gets a lil confused..

But at the same time he gets really fucking aroused.

Doesn’t care if you’re bleeding, that makes it even better.

But if you aren’t the type to wanna fuck he’ll understand. But he’s bummed out about it though.

Lots and lots of cuddles for you!

Teases you when you’re in pain (then again, sadist)

But afterwards he’ll feel a tad-bit guilty and just cuddle you until you fall asleep in his arms.

Karaku is surprisingly warm so you don’t need a heating pad when he literally already is one.

Aizetsu

“Are you okay, love?” Aizetsu notices you’re in extreme agony and becomes worried as his eyes laid on your fetal position in bed.

Cue caretaker Aizetsu!!

Seeing you in such pain makes him so upset and even more depressed than before.

Is immediately doing EVERYTHING for you.

Even if this affection causes him to grow exhausted If it means the pain will go away for you then he’ll do it in a heartbeat!

Would never tease you either:( that’s so mean.

Bro gets a little flustered sometimes whenever he has to buy those feminine products for you.

He isn’t experienced with taking care of someone while on their period because he isn’t too sure on what exactly to do.

But as soon as you tell him what to do he’s doing it all in a heartbeat! Is surprisingly a fast learner so he goes into the habit of taking care of you without you having to ask anymore whenever you’re on that time of the month.

He even knows before you know when you’re on your period because he can smell your blood.

Urogi

Right off the bat asks why he smells blood.

You just tell him you’re on your time of the month and then he laughs and just cuddles you.

Is absolute SHIT when it comes to taking care of you though.

He can’t really give you massages because of his talons..

But you get a lot of cuddles though which is a relief!

Buys you painkillers or heating pads.

Goes into he feminine product section of the store and takes a picture of it and asks “What size pussy you wear, mamas?”

You hate him sometimes.

Instead of what you actually need which is the correct tampons and pads he comes back with marshmallows

MARSHMALLOWS

And because you’re more fired up when you’re on your time of the month you literally almost kill him.

He’s sleeping on the couch tonight.

AHHH! i’m so so so sorry for not posting! i’ve been trying to find a new job and life has been a pain in the ass. But i started this last night and was finally able to finish! I hope you like it. My requests are still open so i’m still taking them! It just might take me awhile to finish them.

[forgottenfourr]

i saw you in a dream - university smau

---------------

chapter eleven - not off the hook

---------------

word count: 656

---------------

a/n: tbh i have been awake for 43 hours so this shit has not been proof read. so if it doesn't make any sense i will fix it once i wake up from my slumber.

it has come to my attention that a lot of you probably think i am female. i am not. i am male. gay man. homosexual. blue green pride flag. trans flag too. my pronouns are he/xe and i’m a dude :)

---------------

jeongin’s pov:

being emotionally vulnerable is something he never lets himself be. it doesn’t matter if it’s with his family or a professional therapist. he doesn’t do it. so now that he’s come to a head with felix, his best friend, he feels like he is going to bust at the seams at the thought of explaining everything to him.

though felix is a complete and utter asshole for what he did, jeongin feels like he is partly to blame. in felix’s eyes, his behavior the other day wasn’t much different from how he and his friends usually act. jeongin is sure that if felix truly did know just how serious the situation was, he wouldn’t have spilled it to everyone and furthermore breaking jeongin’s trust.

he could feel his breath hitch in his throat as he heard the front door of his apartment click open. his freckled blue hair friend weakly making his way through the door, his usual sunshine demeanor clouded and dazed. even though he tried his best to hide it, guilt and sadness was evident on felix’s face, pinging jeongin in the heart.

one thing felix isn’t is, and never will be, is a bad person. that is something jeongin is 100% sure of. there is not a single bad bone or intention in his body. not even if he tried. jeongin always admired that about him.

that’s why it is almost impossible to stay mad at him. there was no malice or hatred behind felix’s actions.

the air in the apartment was still and almost chilling. even on a warm day like today.

“hi” felix says, almost inaudible.

“hey lix,” there is a smile laced in jeongin’s tone. causing felix to turn to face him almost instantly. the familiar nickname making him feel once again comfortable in his own home.

there is a brief shared moment between them. a collective acknowledgment that things were going to be okay.

“aye-“ felix begins to call out, guilt straining through his voice. but his words became muffled in jeongin’s shoulder and he gets wrapped into a tight hug.

jeongin isn’t one for physical affection so the embrace is taken fully after felix’s initial shock.

felix breaks the hug.

“ayen i am so fucking sorry i didn’t realize how serious it was and i never met to hurt you.-“

“lix.” jeongin tries to cut his best friend off.

felix continues to ramble on. “if i knew i would’ve never said anything in the first place and-“

“FELIX.” jeongin calls out again, admittedly way louder than he was meaning.

felix stopped talking.

“i know you and i know you didn’t mean any harm.” jeongin says in a reassuring tone and felix finds himself releasing a breath he wasn’t aware he was holding in.

“you fucked up big time. but you’re aware of it.” he takes a deep breath, mentally preparing himself for the emotional vulnerability he knew had to come. “but i don’t blame you for it. well i do. but you didn’t know anything other than what i let you know. and that wasn’t much. if i was in your shoes, i’m sure i wouldn’t have taken what i said seriously at all. because frankly, it sounds ridiculous.”

felix finds himself chuckling at jeongin’s words. “yeah, it’s not everyday your best friend tells you that he has strangely realistic dreams and simultaneously has fallen for the person who has been showing up in them.”

jeongin could feel the tips of his ears warm at felix’s statement. he really did sound insane.

“oh fuck off would you?” jeongin says in a teasing and fake annoyed tone. felix just gives him a deadpanned expression before breaking into a smile.

“for the record though,” jeongin adds on. “you’re not off the hook. you’re doing my apartment chores for the rest of the week.” felix groans in response, dramatically throwing himself on the couch.

it was impossible to stay upset with felix.

---------------

<<<prev masterlist next>>>

---------------

tag list [open]

@thisisnotjacinta @ddextra @puppymplushie @what-the-y2k @strawberry-dreamland @veryjeongintxtkid @rag-iii @amara-mars @lolcarlaaa @stilesks @amara-mars @hello-2-u-from-me @marcillfll @beaann @everglowdaisies

red means it won't let me tag you (check your privacy settings)

---------------

[mydiazboys]

is it okay to kiss you?

buddie (mentioned buck/tommy, eddie/marisol) | T | 1K | sexuality exploration, man on man kissing, fluff tbh | not beta read, dont point out mistakes & no i don't take criticism :)

“Is it okay to kiss you?”

Buck’s lips parted. Staring blankly at the person ahead of him. A person he knew incredibly well. He’d argue that nobody knew them better than himself, and vice versa. But. That question had his mouth drying, heart stilling and breath hitching.

Since he had come out, Buck had worked out exactly what that meant for himself. It took him a bit to get past, “I’m an ally”, and get to the, “I’m bisexual.” But it was a journey, it was his journey. And he finally, maybe, was fully accepting of himself. He had a few hiccups, when he was alone late at night. Some panic would set in that this was just a big joke. That he was fooling himself.

And then, Tommy. Tommy had been amazing at helping him learn about himself. About his sexuality. After their hiccup of a first date, and then Maddie’s wedding, Tommy had been giving Buck the educational experience. It started with a chill movie night, some action flick that Buck was sure they would both enjoy. Until…

“Henry Cavill is just…” Tommy made a noise, and it was right in Buck’s ear. It had the hair on the back of his neck sticking up, in the most beautiful way as he was glancing towards his friend. “You know?”

“I- Uh.. Yeah, I do- I do know.” Buck swallowed nervously, because he was. This was new. Kissing a man was new. Watching a movie cuddled up like this was new. Expressing sexual interest in a man? Definitely very new, even if the thoughts had not been.

But that expression had led to some kissing, and some exploration of another male's anatomy which… Buck found he enjoyed it a lot. Almost as much as he loves women. No doubt.

But it had been a few weeks, and Buck had realised. He likes Tommy. A lot. But, his heart was already claimed by another. Probably had been for a long time, which is why he had so many failed relationships with women. And Tommy? He was more than okay with it.

“I helped you find a new piece of yourself,” Tommy has said, his voice so casual and even. Like it always was. Calming. “I can’t say I’m not disappointed,” there had been a playful huff. “But I’d be stupid to not take this for what it was. You truly are special, Evan.”

And they were still friends. He was the one Buck reached out to during a long 48 hour shift, when he was unable to sleep and he thought about something else he wanted to ask when it came to his sexuality. He found out, no, apparently it was not normal for a heterosexual man to check out a hot guy's ass. It had been one of Tommy’s first callouts about maybe he wasn’t straight.

Which brings him to today.

Eddie is sat beside him, Christopher already in bed. A movie playing on the tv, but it had been long forgotten. And it was just two men drinking beers. Eddie’s body tucked into the corner, leg bent and balancing on his other knee. One hand holding his calf there, the other cradling his beer. Buck stared at him, stared at his lips. And it was hitting him like a freight train all over again.

“I just- You said that’s how you realised about, y’know,” Eddie nodded awkwardly, gesturing towards the man on the other side of his couch. “And I- I’ve never kissed a guy before, so I could be- I don’t know-”

“Eddie,” Buck breathed out. Eddie’s eyes snapped to meet his, and they both swallowed. “You can kiss me.” A beat. “It won’t- It won’t change anything between us.”

“Just two bros exploring their- their sexuality together, right?”

Buck snorted, moving closer to his best friend as he set his beer bottle down on the coaster on the coffee table. Eddie rolled his eyes fondly at the gesture, because he himself wouldn’t have bothered with the coaster at all. But Buck, Buck always did.

“Come here,” Buck mumbled, as he was taking Eddie’s beer from his hand to set it down on the coaster beside his own. Eddie was watching him closely, every single movement. Then Buck turned back to him, a soft breathless laugh escaping him. “Just… Kiss me how you would kiss M- a girl.”

A close slip-up. He almost dropped the name of Eddie’s most recent ex. He was never fully able to get over the issues with the nun outfit. The catholic guilt becoming too much, is what he had explained to Buck when he said they had broken up.

“You’re too delicate for that,” Eddie teased, but he was moving closer. Their thighs were touching now, and Eddie’s hand raised to his cheek. His thumb brushing against the soft, pink flesh there. His fingers gently cupping the underside of Buck’s jaw. And Buck waited, watching. Allowing Eddie to take this at his pace, like Tommy had allowed for him.

Then Eddie’s soft, plump lips were brushing against his own. Then it was chaste. A delicate kiss. Lips against lips. No movement of any kind, not even tongue. Just two men pressing their mouths together.

Then it was Eddie, tracing his thumb along Buck’s jaw as his mouth started to move against his best friends. Leaning in, exploring this sensation.

For Buck, this was better than his first kiss with Tommy. The stubble-burn, the way Eddie’s nose brushed against his cheekbone. The masculine grip of Eddie’s fingers holding his jaw. That was all new, and it was similar to what he experienced with Tommy. But it was just… better.

And then Eddie was pulling away, not because he wanted to, but because he needed to. It was a lot, and he had forgotten how to breathe. Because that’s what Evan Buckley does to him. Knocked him senseless and leaves him breathless.

“I… am definitely not straight.” Those were the first words out of Eddie’s mouth after the pair had slowly opened their eyes, looking right back at each other. And… this was new. And Buck was excited. Because he now gets to help his best friend learn about his sexuality.

[cressthebest]

i want to start this out by saying that if this ask is something that you are not comfortable answering or talking about please don’t answer it bc some of this might be a little personal.

i saw in one of your posts about you being ex-catholic and i was curious about that. i’m a catholic person that goes to a catholic school, in a catholic town, with a catholic family. i’ve been really thinking about being catholic recently and my problems with it. i was wondering if you could share a little of your experience with me? again if this is too personal please ignore i don’t want to pry into your life.

i promise i wasn’t ignoring this, i just suck at answering asks 😔 which is unfortunate because i love receiving asks and talking about myself

and i have no concept of person space/personal questions, so honestly it’s all chill

but my experience honestly only got worse with time. when i was little, things were more fun, as things typically are when you’re young. i was always bored in church, but i liked wearing pretty dresses and singing the songs. this post will go over a lot of uncomfortable topics and will be quite personal. you’ve been warned. blep. 👁️👅👁️

the first step, which is ignored for a long time was drumroll …. masturbation. i didn’t learn about it from books or fanfic or porn or anything. i was just a kid (maybe 13) and figuring out my body, which included being curious about why touching down there in certain ways felt good. once i realized what it was and that it was a sin, i started to struggle a lot. 1. it felt good and i didn’t want to stop feeling good in that way. 2. but it’s a sin and god did not approve.

for non-catholics reading, in catholicism we do something called confession. it’s where we go to a priest and tell him all our sins. the priest acts as god, and when you tell him this, it’s basically telling god. he then forgives you and gives you a penance, which is typically just a set of prayers to say. and they’re NOT ALLOWED to tell anyone else your sins.

well i was a regular confession attendee, but i could never bear to tell the priest that i had masturbated. lots of times i would cry after masturbating and was worried about going to hell, because i wasn’t stopping. i couldn’t figure out how to abstain from this habit (that quite frankly i didn’t even indulge in very much). lots of tears and fear associated with something that is supposed to feel good.

i can’t remember if i eventually resolved that i wouldn’t stop even tho it was a sin, or if i struggled with this up until i stopped believing in general.

it honestly started to go downhill the most once covid hit. (i was about 14) school closed, and so my mother decided that her kids (all six of us) would be homeschooled from now on. the homeschooling was the second step. she decided it would be best for our family to be catholic homeschooled. all of our books were Seton Homeschooling. any catholic homeschooler has probably heard of this program, even if they never used it. this program taught me a hella lot more about the faith. and me being autistic, this definitely became a hyperfixation. i learned a lot tbh. i probably know more about catholicism than the average practicing catholic.

knowing a lot about the faith caused me to find lots of weird “plot holes” and lots of contradictions. my faith was beginning to waiver, but i was learning everything i could about the faith, trying to answer my questions. honestly, i was starting to lose my grip on the faith.

covid being covid, this was the time i started to discover my sexuality. asexuality came first. it was a struggle to come to terms with, but i found out that there were gay people who were still catholic and i found temporary comfort in that community. i determined that my asexuality was actually a blessing from god. (he gave it to me because if i wasn’t asexual, i probably would have had sex before marriage because i love so fiercely and fully. so he gave asexuality to me so i could prevent myself from the sin of premarital sex. looking back, i think that’s a load of bullshit considering i’m actually demisexual lmao)

but then i had a ✨bi awakening✨which coincidentally took place in a church. a very pretty girl passed me in church and i forgot how to breathe lol. anyways, i left that church knowing something new about me. by the end of the week, i was thinking of myself as bi. i actually started dating this girl a few months later. funny enough, i felt like god had blessed our relationship and didn’t condemn it, simply because he allowed me to meet a girl named MARY in his CHURCH. so u felt like our relationship wasn’t a sin. she was catholic as well. we were quite the pair.

at this point, i was grasping at threads trying to find a reason to still be catholic. the next big incident snapped the thread. my best freind (catholic) told me that my relationship with mary was a sin and she couldn’t support it. i hung up with her lol. she called back and i said i’d only stay on the phone if she wasn’t mean. she proceeded to pull out a script she wrote to tell me how this was a sin and the guilty feelings i was having was because deep down i knew it was a sin. (it was just internalized homophobia). i hung up again. she texted me a long script and said i was going to hell. i blocked her.

here’s the part where the issue unfolds. she told her mom the situation, and her mom called my mom. she outed me to my mother. that night, not only did i lose my best friend and my girlfriend, but also any sense of comfort i felt in my house for about three years. (don’t worry for my safety. mother took away lots of my privileges such as internet, friends coming over, me being able to text most of my friends, going to my friend’s places, sleepovers, etc. but it was never unsafe for me) but that incident was probably the final drop that made the bucket overflow. i stopped believing in god sometime after that.

my loss of faith and discovery of sexuality are tied together and i cannot separate those journeys. however, i do believe that even without a sexuality discovery, i would have realized i didn’t believe in catholicism any more.

knowing as much as i did about catholicism, combined with my firm-proof-needing autism, and my sexuality discovery, all led me to lose the faith. after leaving it, i began to despise it, while also feeling guilty. it took many years to become okay with no longer being catholic.

though i would also like to note that even the catholic institution is quite corrupt and i hate organized church, i don’t hate people for being catholic. it makes me wary at first, but catholicism and god are not the issues. i don’t hate on people for being catholic or believing, nor do i want to belittle their faith. however, i feel like the catholic community is corrupt.

i don’t want to encourage you in either direction. do what’s best for you and what would help you be the best person and most happy in your life. i encourage you to question things and be curious about the faith. it might make your faith stronger, and you will be happy you did it, or you will realize this isn’t something you want to spend time on anymore. it’s up to you. and it may take YEARS to figure out. be kind to yourself and to others, and i guarantee it will be okay. no matter what you discover, you’ll have a community waiting for you.

as an end note, i’d like to add that you can ask any follow up questions you please. i’m willing to answer anything. if you require clarification on anything, just shoot an ask. i am aware that i wrote this while very sick with strep and honestly some of this might not make sense.

[hostilecandle]

You’ve played the Modern Warfare games, right? I’m new to the fandom and wanted to know if it was worth it actually playing the games versus watching a play through versus just running off vibes and fandom. Is the fandom accurate to the characters? I’ve seen some WILDLY different interpretations of them.

Howdy anon, welcome to the fandom! Sorry if this is a little lengthy but I want to give you a fully honest answer so you feel best suited to what you'd like to do :)

Yeah I have played them! I personally feel playing the games is so better of an experience than just watching a play through because there are so many different dialogue options and decisions you can make in them that you may not likely see in play thorughs during to personal preference and I also felt much more attachment to the characters themselves after having played as them and have to make decisions that directly affect them. Especially for MW and MW2. There are a few missions, specifically in MW, that affected me enough to put the game down for a bit and relfect on decisions I made and the consequencesof them, but when I've watched people play it it doesn't really do anything to me emotionally because i wasnt the one who made that call. (MW3 is honestly just a really expensive dlc tbh and majority of it is cut scenes and videos so you could probably just watch a playthrough of that one for a very similar experience to playing it if you don't want to shill out the 70 bucks though 😅)

That all being said, just watching play throughs is also just fine! And there are several compilations of the different dialogue options that you'd be able to find so you don't have to worry about missing extra context. Someone somewhere will be talking about it :)

As for fandom interpretation of the characters, I personally think they're horrific and not even close to accurate most of the time. The truth is many people in the fandom have neither played the games or bothered to watch a playthrough. They're running off vibes alone and because of that don't understand the canon of the characters or their importance to the story (a common thing you'll see is Gaz being replaced by a warzone operator who isn't in the games or Roach from the og games bc the fandom is under the impression he has no personality when he's actually the character you play as the most and learn the backstory of 😅). Fandoms will do what fandoms will do and everyone will have their own interpretation of the characters, but most are not true to the actual source material in any way here and it can be frustrating at times so I would definitely tread carefully as people like to make headcannons seem like canon.

All and all I hope you have fun whatever you choose, anon! This fandom can be a pretty nasty place sometimes so be careful <3 My blog is always open for questions and is a place that doesn't tolerate harassment over fiction of any kind and I try to reblog from equally cool and chill people that also make awesome fandom content. :D

[sealhaus]

If nobody’s asked then I guess I should just speak:

My thoughts on kfp 4 so far as someone who’s been so invested in this franchise most of my life to the point where I took 2 autism assessments about it.

Mostly euphoric tbh, mostly because now the weight waiting for it held on my anxiety and heartburn ridden chest is gone. My socks were knocked off but i didn’t have to be hospitalized.

For most of my time in this fandom (or pandom if ur even more insufferable then usual) I’ve been under the assumption that dreamworks doesn’t really care about this franchise while at the same time knowing in my bones they’d make more. For most of that time I was pretty set on just having my own fun with it and that’s still my plan.

I’ve been so detached from the cannon for so long that I’ve entirely accepted that this movie could be garbage, I’ve already coped with that like 3 years ago. So I’ve had a relatively chill reaction.

So far it’s like exactly what I expected from the plot summary for better and for worse.

• I dislike Zhen so far but we’ll see what the writing has in store for her, she could be partially redeemed. Her design is overall lackluster and could really use something to make it more interesting. Her personality reminds me of the betta version of Kyoko before I had her loose her fuckin marbles. I don’t like her much but I also don’t seriously want to rip her apart with my teeth quite yet.

• I’ve never liked the five much, except for tigress, but it’s also kinda weird that they aren’t there. But the reasoning being that they basically ditched Po is hilarious to me. It’s a total copout but. Good for them honestly.

• I LOVE THE CHAMELEON!!!!! SHE LOOKS LIKE A BRONZE VASE AND YZMA HAD A TERRIBLE LITTLE CRACK BABY AND ITS WONDERFUL!!!! Getting ready to defend her with my life, heaven forbid women have hobbies.

• also my husband is coming home from rotting in Gongmen harbor so that’s fucking lovely. I went to bed and cried while hugging my Shen plushie because I’m absolutely deranged so that’s exactly the reaction I wanted.

• overall I don’t really care what happens to Po because I genuinely want to hit him with a car./hj But it seems a little early for this unless we’ve got a big time skip which it seems like is the case, but I still don’t think it’s enough of a timeskip.

• I hope the five get new outfits when they show up for 5 minutes. I just like clothes…

• I hope Shifu says sorry for accidentally ruining his son’s life. I don’t care too much about Tai Lung redemption, but I think he deserves an apology.

• save us Nico Marlet we miss you.

I was fully prepared for this to be a nightmare level shitshow but I don’t think it’s total garbage. At worse I’ll laugh at it with my friends, at best it’s a masterpiece either way I’ll be going into cardiac arrest

I don’t want to completely trash it because it hurts me a little for some reason and I don’t think it deserves it but I’m more then open to some playful mockery.

It did knock my socks off but I didn’t need to be hospitalized. Mostly feeling vindicated because my visions prophesied all of this actually.

[apotelesmaa]

I never understood why blackstar killed mifune tbh like he wasn't a bad guy he was just tryna protect a kid

Iirc they both went into the battle in ch 57 accepting it to be a battle to the death (stupid and unnecessary but whatever) and were both trying to kill each other. Mifune was kinda like if ur a real warrior you’ll kill me. or something. It wasn’t like… black star being evil and killing a guy just for shits and giggles but it was definitely a stupid resolution to mifune’s story. I don’t think it’s fair to hold it against black star (mifune is also kinda to blame) I think it was just ohkubo making a bad writing choice.

mifune fully went into the battle prepared to die and set it up as a battle to the death to which black star obviously went “alright!” And then they both proceeded to try and kill each other. Since neither one of them would back down they both fight to the point of exhaustion and black star finishes the fight by impaling mifune and then collapsing and mifune’s body fucking dissolved like he was thanos snapped. So like. Kind of a blameless murder? I guess? Mifune certainly did not hold it against him and even compliments black star’s growth. Mifune black star is like 15 what is ur problem. If black star hadn’t won mifune would have 100% killed him but like. Incoming long rant about that particular choice.

I had to double check the wiki to ensure I wasn’t getting stuff wrong and was reminded that in the manga black star chooses “the path of the warrior” and in the anime he’s like “I’m not going to be a demon or a warrior I’m choosing my own path” & he lets mifune live which… common anime W I guess. I’m not sure if ohkubo had any say in that or if it was the anime team trying to wrap up black star’s arc asap before they ended the anime but I do feel like that would have been a much more satisfying conclusion to that part of his character arc. I think ohkubo tried to lean too far into making him An Epic Powerful Super Cool Warrior which is always such a boring character archetype but it’s even more lame when you’re doing that to the character who has (and I say this lovingly) been the deeply unserious comic relief.

I would have liked to see black star mature and chill out and still hold onto his goal to surpass god/dtk/whatever *without* trying to make him into a battle hardened cool warrior or whatever ohkubo was attempting. Because at the end of the day I don’t think there’s enough of a meaningful difference between “the path of the demon” and “the path of the warrior” as ohkubo defined them. Like… yeah the star clan were a bunch of ruthless killers on the path to becoming kishin eggs or whatever but I don’t think “well MY path lets me be the judge jury and executioner but in a cool way where I just kill fellow warriors” is the best counter argument. Like yeah ur not eating the souls (& mifune didn’t even leave a soul for some reason?) but you don’t *need* to kill people. And at the end of the day you’re still taking a life regardless of the reasoning behind it. Like… if your path to becoming more powerful still involves murder I don’t think you can argue you’re doing better than the people who consume the souls for power. Again would have LOVED to see kid’s opinion on that given his whole death god philosophy but unfortunately he was too busy being kidnapped.

Not saying black star’s entire character was given up in favor of that writing choice but it just felt completely divorced from everything else about him? Kind of like if you found out the silly clown at the circus was a super serious paralegal on the side or something. Or seeing someone in a mascot costume taking off the head and going that is an entirely different person. The anime’s choice just feels better - he doesn’t want or need to take a life to become powerful because he doesn’t need to rely on that he can become just as powerful without anyone needing to die. And it lines up more with his character. He is at his core a good kid who loves his friends and hates what his family stood for and I think choosing to show mercy even against mifune’s “this is the true path of the warrior” philosophy would have been more in line with his character rejecting what the star clan stood for.

I don’t know. Super disjointed and you literally Did Not Ask for sloppy character analysis on black star (if you can even call it analysis) but I think at this point asking me a simple question about soul eater and getting a lengthy borderline incomprehensible rant is par for the course. Uhhh I’ll leave you with this: apparently according to ohkubo mifune literally isn’t Japanese he’s just a foreigner who was like samurai cool I’m gonna be like that and he changed his name which is. So funny. Tsubaki and Black Star (who *are* Japanese and do have family connections to samurai) just staring at him like 😐😑😐 as he lectures them on what it means to be a samurai. in the middle of the Amazon.

[leejenowrld]

Hi!!! Just wanted to ask what's been going on! Are there any projects you have in the works that you're excited about and willing to talk about?

hi! not sure if you’re asking about my life in general or my works (which i wouldn’t be surprised aboht lol) but yeah i’ll answer both

my life is going well :) i recently started a graduate job and i’m learning loads, loving how chill it is, i go on my phone so much lmao and it’s a work from home job. i’m really happy, in a good place mentally, loving family life and having good times with my boyfriend :) i’m having a quiet life atm tbh like not much going on, but i’m happy!! next step is me and my bf are trying to move out together into a new place so !! exciting. but london is soooo expensive

and as for projects? honestly nope. idk if you guys realise but it takes a lot of energy and time to write big projects and series, like in your eyes took me so long, i was writing for multiple hours a day for like a few weeks. so atm i have no plans for bigger projects as i don’t have the time/mental capacity to even think of what to do next or even write it out. so sorry but yeah there’s nothing i’m willing to talk about as i have no plans atm. rn i’m just happy writing smaller one shots,

i mean, i’ve had this mark lee fic planned out for so long. some scenes are even written but i kinda put it on a hiatus as it’s difficult for me to engage with and find interest in. it’s a best friends to lovers and idk, it’s hard to write. i considered changing it to jaemin as i felt like he fit it more but even after that, it still didn’t feel right

jeno has me in a chokehold… i can literally only write him

but tbh i have always wanted to write for mark. he is one of my fav members, i just need to get into the mark mindset which i can’t do rn. have you guys watched the tv show nobody wants this? yeah… that’s giving me mark lee, i’d be interested in writing something like that for him, that kinda trope - church mark x reader but yeah atm i don’t have the time to get engrossed in that so please don’t ask! but it’s in my head, it might happen. honestly it takes a lot of effort to fully commit to writing a full long piece one shot so yeahhh it’s whenever i wanna take that commitment

[ev1llesb1an]

Documentation of my comphet throughout the years 🧍‍♀️

Okay so I thought it’d be funny to talk abt my most intense male fixation eras as a lesbian (idk i’m just shitposting into the void again) judge me all u want (it is probably needed) but i need ppl to understand the real me 🙏

IT CROPPED HALF HIS FACE OUT but i just realised if you aren’t british ur gonna have no idea who he is anyone (he’s lachlan white from emmerdale) omg this was an ERA everyone around me thought i was going insane (i was) but like they just didn’t get it he slayed so hard at a level that will never be reached (literally) also tom atkinson on sex education was like a full circle moment for me omg but anyways i was like 11-12 here these were literally my formative years this changed me FOREVER don’t judge he slayed omg

THIS okay so u can’t even blame me for this one it’s just correct. yes he’s like walking masculinity stereotype BUT he also had depth and was interesting 😌 the fanfics were SO GOOD this is when i really got into fanfiction and accidentally read smut where someone get pregnant in the hunger games 🧍‍♀️i read this one fic that was like x reader AND THEY STRAIGHT UP BOTH DIED but anyways. i read fanfics abt literally everyone thg character (read abt women and convinced myself i was still straight lmfao) but he was the stand out for me. i recently revisited this era and the fics ppl write on ao3 r INSANE omg like what is wrong with u ppl ( i say this lovingly but also wtf )

OMGOMGOMG BEST ERA OF MY LIFE u actually don’t understand u just had to be there. a solid percentage of my brain even to this day is made up of this man. this is like the stupidest thing ever but when i was like 14 i would just mirror his personality (and tone down the arsehole part obvs) so that i could get more talkative AND IT ACTUALLY WORKED nobody in the whole world will ever understand how much he means to me (i don’t rly understand it myself tbh) and ik ppl literally fuckinf despise him but i will not tolerate the dandy mott slander bc he is literally part of my core identity atp i revisit him every few months just to fully reconnect with my inner being. did anyone read Companion? that shit was crazy also i wrote a fic abt him on wattpad and people actually READ IT so anyways best era of my life it truly never got better i rly hit me peak (i had 0 friends) the few friends i had literally told me i talked abt him too much and it made them like me less 💀

this was arguably my most chill era like yea i was pretty obsessive but with marvel it’s so normalised to be so intense abt everything i kinda just fit right in. there’s too much professor fanfiction r u ppl okay 🧍‍♀️ also more actor fanfiction than i have ever seen for any other man in my LIFE but the capitalism went hard during this era the fluff was so good. arguably my most comforting era? idk i can’t rly explain that one

okay so these two r kinda completely different but also (for obvious reasons) the exact same. gotham was my most openly gay era and for that i will forever be grateful HOWEVER the kristen kringle haters were doing WAY TOO MUCH like she’s already dead why u doing her like that constantly (u will see this sentiment echoed later abt someone else hmmm i wonder who) but yea and then YES i was a paul dano lesbian (literally wasn’t out as lesbian at this point lmao) honestly this is probably the era my friends hated the most they would either awkwardly pretend to agree/care abt the shit i was saying or straight up tell me i was delusional 💀 my friends even now still call it my worst era but i LOVED IT kinda solidified my position at the bottom of the hellish secondary school hierarchy but i still had a good time. the paul dani riddler fanfics r next level tho the way ppl would just post STALKER fics constantly with like zero warnings and it was never labelled as yandere 🧍‍♀️i also got in an argument with a writer on wattpad bc they made the riddler and the oc have like a 6 year age gap and they met when she was 10 and he was like 16 💀 other than that good vibes all round

tbh this era was pretty brief i can’t fully explain what happened here like the vibes were immaculate but also insane WHY IS THERE SM YANDERE FANFIC peter parker is so nice but then in fanfics it’s like 👹 but i rly like spider-man HOWEVER this then led me to my final destination on the comphet journey…

omg were finally at the final stop the peak of comphet ( i came out as lesbian within this era ) arguably not my finest hour bc i swore i would never watch criminal minds bc the number of seasons is WAY TOO MUCH but here we are i watched it bc i read too much fanfic abt this man. i have lots of criticism for the fandom but he in himself is acc a rly good character. this was supposed to be like my ethical era but he’s acc killed like a bunch of ppl and thomas gibson is MESSY (don’t cancel me pls i say that lovingly 🫶) the haley hotchner misogyny nearly killed me off i don’t think i’ve ever been so miserable in a fandom and the fanfics kinda take feminism back a few hundred years but pretty good besides that

anyways there is my brainrot i hope the two (at most) ppl who will read this enjoyed 🫶 LETS GO LESBIANS LETS GO im gonna say i posted this in honour of international lesbian day even tho that was several days ago

[soul-wanderer]

06x13//It’s All Gonna Break - weekly recap

- Maya looking like a lost puppy who really misses her wife was pretty cute, tbh and I love how hard she is trying to respect Carina’s requests and boundaries

- Bailey being ready to cause trouble and Carina’s cute/funny facial expressions were another highlight of this episode

- The team pranking Theo and Theo being a good sport about it - I’m here for that bantering

- probably my favourite scene of this episode: Travis and Theo talking and Theo finding it important to tell Travis that he has grown as a captain and Travis telling him that he’s gonna do just fine and even mentioning Michael in the process. I love that their friendship is doing this well and Travis fully forgiving Theo is everything we need to know - and that is that it’s time to move on from the one mistake Theo made that he will probably feel horrible about for the rest of his life

- Eli burning the notes in the barn, man that exchange was freaking funny, gotta admit that

- Nancy. Need I say more? I love how much of that storyline was portrayed accurately, which unfortunately meant that it was quite upsetting, but it was still right on point

- Carina’s friends showing up in front of the centre to protest, that was pure gold and I loved how happy it made Carina and Bailey

- Oh, and oh man, I am relieved Carina isn’t pregnant. That would just be awful timing at this point, given the fact that Maya and Carina have to rebuild their relationship

- Andy being a good friend to Theo. I love it. Man, I really, truly love it. Andy is always such a good friend.

- maybe an unpopular opinion: I kinda liked Theo’s and Vic’s argument/fight. Not because I love to see them unhappy, but because it felt so normal/realistic. Theo is going through a lot of stuff because of his past, but isn’t ready to talk about it, while Vic sort of pushes him to talk about it/let her in. It’s bound to create issues and whenever they clash, there is no holding back, but so far it has never gotten nasty. Theo was upset because he wanted to be a good captain and because he was likely worried about Vic, and Vic was upset because Theo has a hard time talking/communicating. I’m still certain they are going to pull through this, but for now they just need this time to figure out what works best for them

- Sullivan was behaving like a bratty toddler, nuff said

- BISEXUAL BRITISH BOY DUDE CONFIRMED - FINALLY. Totally saw this coming the day they introduced this dude. And I am MAD. Because Travis and Eli? Perfect. Absolutely great. If it weren’t for the fact that the writers want to screw over Andy once again and are using Travis to achieve that this time around. Why? Just why? Not to mention that we still don’t know British Dude’s true motives. This isn’t gonna end well, and I am mad.

- Maya, hopeful sparkly eyed Maya, asking Carina, out on a date. Yeah, that was cute. Maya was just being cute this week. Just like Carina. Let’s hope they don’t screw that up again.

PS: No, Maya won’t use the pictures to blackmail Sullivan and Ross, y’all need to chill for a bit, okay?

[sztansescheadache]

it’s time for my top 36 as of march. keep in mind that this year is super strong (rivalling my beloved 2016 in terms of song quality) and my top 10 has 16 songs in it. they also change placements depending on my mood

1. norway - i got chills the first time i’ve listened to this song and i get them every singe time i push play on it. pure art, so atmospheric, magical, the mixture of rock and folk with gunnhild’s godly vocals and amazing lyrics IN NORWEGIAN i am just beyond in love with this song IT WAS MADE FOR MY TASTE

2. estonia - it was the first song i listened to form the eesti laul line up and i just knew nothing was gonna beat it for me. it’s just so fun, with funny lyrics and a great folk-ish instrumental. crazy party of this year for me

3. the netherlands- gabber core on my esc?????? no way i lived to see this day. i am absolutely in love with this song- the music the visuals and the touching story of this song - instant hit. europapa has infected my brain permanently. joost was right 12 points to the netherlands

4. slovenia - this just so powerful, i love the siren core aesthetic and sound of this song. raivens voice is hypnotising like of a siren, you can’t help but get immersed in it

5. switzerland - it took a while to fully kick in but i absolutely love it now. the genre mix was a little bit confusing at first but now i’m just amazed at this combination of dnb opera pop alternative and rap - and the fact that it actually works together

6. belgium - they’re back to their dark pop era and IM GLAD. the outro had me on my knees, it’ll be so big during the live

7. lithuania - the 20s are lithuanias golden age, they are finally not afraid of sending their own language and they’re doing it with class. luktelk is a banger we deserved, modern, addicting. i hope for a top 10 for lithuania

8. italy - E LA CUMBIA DELLA NOIA💃💃 a true mediterranean banger, with amazing lyrics an overall full package, angelina is super charismatic, she’s a breath of fresh air for italy for sure

9. portugal - it wasn’t even my winner of fdc but i just fell in love with this after seeing that performance. it’s so elegant, calm, the lyrics are truly moving, everything in both the song and the fdc performance is so well thought out. some people will say it’s just another portuguese ballad but i think it stands out with its grace amongst the others

10. greece - it’s pop but an experimental one, mixing reggaeton maybe some hyperpop elements even? zari is greek to its core and while being very ethnic it’s also innovative and fresh. i constantly find myself humming this song. i can see it doing really well or finishing in bottom 5 - everything depends on the staging. but i love it i hope greece won’t be afraid to continue this more experimental route

11. ireland - my alternative heart is so happy to see a song and a performer like this on esc. you either live doomsday blue or hate it - i loved it form the first listen. it’s dark alluring enigmatic angry - an experience overall

12. spain - ever since it won benidorm my brain just randomly goes ZORRA‼️ ZORRA ‼️ZORRA ‼️in the middle of the day. it’s not even a guilty pleasure it’s just pure pleasure. i love how unapologetic this song is, the message of it, pure fun and celebration

13. ukraine - i absolutely love it as i do with almost every ukrainian entry although i have to admit it grew off me a little bit. it’s still a contender for the win in may and i wouldn’t be mad tbh. it’s a well made, powerful entry, ukraine always delivers

14. croatia - same like with the previous one it grew off me a little bit but it’s still a banger. this is croatia’s best shot at getting a top10 result and i wish them all the best. it’s pure fun and craziness

15. serbia - this year lacks ballads sm, so serbia (and portugal) have the chance to stand out bringing a cool down in between the chaos. ramonda is calm and reflective and so beautiful evoking all the right emotions. it feels very intimate even on a huge stage. i love meaning of the lyrics

16. sweden - is it a basic pop song? yes? did it also brought me to my knees with this beat and the staging? also yes. like i’m the biggest sweden hater but omg i just can’t help but bang to this song. it’s addicting. the norwegian twins have a pass from me

17. san marino - the funniest thing of this nf season. this not as good as arcadia but it’s still megara with their original style and a great vibe. if san marino fails to qualify with this then idk really.

18. armenia - ITS SO CUTE. it puts a smile on my face fr. ethnic banger through and through kind reminds me of trenuletul in a way (also there’s this polish party song “prawy do lewego” and idk if it’s just me but they have such similar vibes, i would absolutely go drunk dancing to “jako”)

19. denmark - idk i think i just have to have this one very basic song that i like for some reason. this year it’s sand. it’s really pleasing for some reason. nothing special as i said but i like it

20. georgia - your token ethnic girl pop. and that’s exactly it, it is a good song in this particular genre. and for this exact reason i can’t rank it higher. it’s good enough for me to put it here. still i am hoping for a q firm grorgia like let’s be real they deserve it more than anyone (with latvia ofc)

21. finland - camp. just camp. some people say that you either love or hate it but really i think it’s just fine. it doesn’t throw me off with its weirdness but it doesn’t excite me in any way. it’s just a weird little song in the middle of my ranking. but we’ll see if europe thinks it’s too much or exactly what we need. i can see it nqing

22. latvia - it was their best shot at q (although i still kinda mourn “kur?” it was such a nice song) but idk if they’ll manage to do that. it’s a strong powerful entry, but it can get a little lost in this years mix. dons is an amazing vocalis and if we had juries in the semis i know they would appreciate this song but with current system i’m not so sure

23. france - another ok song. i don’t really like the yelling ballad type but i have to admit this is well made. i’m still hoping for the revamp

24. poland - we had better options but this is also fine. an ok pop song, that’s it

25. australia - it’s extremely dated, it gives 2016. but it kinda started growing on me???? i love the usage of the aboriginal instruments and language it’s something original and i’m here for that.

26. moldova - again it’s fine it’s ok. but it doesn’t stand out much. moldova didn’t have better options (expept tudor bumbac) but it’s a let down compared to previous years

27. uk - i had such high hopes looking at the names involved in this song but ultimately it’s a let down. i’d does nothing for me. it’s well made once again but it leaves with zero emotions. comes and goes. kinda sad that they brought such a big name and yet failed to bring an engaging song

28. austria - this is so cringy. girlie is telling me that we will rave and then pulls out the most 2002 eurodance drop known to humankind?????? i mean it’s a swedish reject and it shows. in a way it is fun but more because it’s funny. idk i don’t hate it i just have a beef with it

29. azerbaijan - i’m very happy to hear the azeri language finally debut on esc. but the song is fine at best and bland at worst.

30. czechia - i know there will be a revamp but i’m judging the current version. this saddens and a lot. aiko has so much potential and this song fails to showcase it. it’s very american pop rock esque but kinda on a budget. i wanted to se aiko on esc but not like this :((

31. malta - a few revamps too many. nothing special really, average girl pop.

32. germany - this sounds like a last place i’m sorry😭😭 they’re asking for to atp. the guy is a good vocalist but this song is stuck in 2014

33. cyprus - this is just lazy. when will the cypriot hod learn that by doing the same thing over and over again they won’t replicate their 2018 succès. that was a one time thing and buying more songs form sweden and giving them to people with vague connections to the county won’t do them any good.

34. albania - they just sabotaged themselves with this revamp. it wasn’t a particularly good song before but the english language killed any originality it had left

35. luxembourg - this is just really unfortunate. coming back after 30 years with not even a swedish reject but singing dug up from a swedish dumpster? kinda sad for them but that’s what you get for rejecting your artists ogriginal songs in favour for shwdish bought ones

36. iceland - what i a travel agency advertisement is this? it’s not even about bashar loosing, this song is just bad. the only one this year i can use that word for. luxembourg and albania are whatever but this is just unlistenable for me. hera bjork is an icon already she didn’t need a comeback especially not this one.

thank you for reading for anyone who managed to get this far. i still have many things to say about some songs and nf performances that happened while i was inactive on here. and maybe rant about the STUPID system changes that they want to implement. but i still won’t be watching esc this year. and i won’t be active on here during the esc week (exams) so i just wanted to say that this could’ve been the best esc year ever, with amazing songs visuals hosts etc. but ebu decided to use all that to promote a genocide. so instead of uniting in genocide i hope that the amazing artist of 2024 will unite in humanity and raise their voice against the atrocities that ebu decided to ignore for the sake of money

[goblins-riddles-or-frocks]

here's some grishaverse ships!!!! darklina nikolina zoyalina genyalina zoyanikolina zoyalarkling nikolarkling? darkling-nikolai-alina? i'm out of names jesper and kaz jesper and wylan just bc they're normal

Darklina

Already did this one!

To give some more opinions, I like it most when he’s either at his cruelest or most pathetic. The best scene was when he threatens to skin her 🤷‍♀️

I love the pettiness of them having a telepathic bond and using it for fucking psychological warfare. Or well the Darkling does. Alina takes way too long to catch on and needle him as much. I wish she’d gotten the chance to fuck him up more. But anyway I generally find it so funny how much of the dynamic relies on her just being… fairly normal and then he’s Like That.

I love Alina as the constantly weirded out, narrative and comedic straight main to his supervillain melodrama.

Nikolina

This has been my TGT OTP for awhile, me and like five other people lmao. I like it most in AU and canon divergent scenarios tbh, partially because their dynamic is really chill and I love conflict and angst. I like it when there’s some aspect of pining, unrequited feelings, or just the shadow of other issues looming over the relationship. Like I love this ship in situations where they’re PerseveringTM together despite The Horrors, basically?

And I mean I’ve already talked a few times about how I really like their polar opposite priorities and ambitions. They contrast each other fairly strongly while still getting along very well. And that’s something I usually find very compelling. I like this ship most for AUs where they like self actualize/compromise/learn to cope with shared trauma etc. I want them to work through shit and learn to be happy!

Zoyalina

Rivals to lovers is soooo fun! Alina can’t go two minutes without mentioning how hot Zoya is. And I think LB genuinely meant it more for reader info/to get into Alina’s insecurity but it reads SO gay.

There’s like two main dynamics I really like for them. Okay three. But one is like a riff on early SAB era, where they bond while still both under the Darkling’s thumb, despite being pitted against each other. The other is like leaning into a devotion, saint and warrior/bodyguard/devotee type thing. Third is post R&R Alina retreating to her orphanage and it being explicit in the epilogue that Zoya visits and writes and even gives her a kefta because she’ll always be Grisha. And idk I’m just obsessed with Zoya, who’s so unused to that sort of kindness, being gentle or drawing her out of her shell in her own gruff way.

Genyalina

I love them!!! But also the plot just doesn’t give me much to work with past SaB. That inherent conflict of Genya lying to her and never sending Alina’s letters, while genuinely connecting with her is SO good. I love it, and that’s my favorite dynamic for them. And I also love the explicit comparison drawn between Genya’s own trauma and being exploited by the king, and Alina being groomed by the Darkling even if Alina’s not herself fully like cognizant of it. (Kind of similar to the SaB era Zoyalina dynamic, girls connecting over being manipulated and controlled by men/the same man even is a dynamic that I find very compelling) But past that point in the series I don’t have as much like… thoughts about them? I still love them and love when they interact but it doesn’t intrigue me in the same way.

Zoyanikolina

Okay okay maybe this is the real OTP… OT3… series ship of all time. KoS (more the idea of it than the execution) did convert me to Zoyalai to an extent, the pining is soooo good. And I already love Zoyalina and Nikolina separately so obvs the best way to go here is to smoosh them all together lmao.

My fave take is facilitated through a Nikolina political marriage that’s kind of complicated for everyone involved. And meanwhile Alina seeing all the insane pining going down and being like. Well. Are you going to do something about this or???

I may be writing this lmao so I’m generally thinking about it a lot. But Alina being the most emotionally intelligent one while simultaneously very NOT self aware about her own feelings is just very funny to me.

Zoyalarkling

So having confirmed that this is Zoya/Alina/Darkling hm! Hm! Not sure I can see this one except in very very particular circumstances. I feel like the Zoyalina dynamic when they’re both still into the Darkling is defined by rivalry and being in competition with each other. So I don’t think they’d be… happy about a poly scenario. But also the Darkling’s probably TERRIBLE enough to be like Ah yes here is my teenaged harem. So I could see a very fucked up version. Meanwhile I just don’t get the sense that Zoya harbors like any attraction whatsoever for him the way Alina does after Everything Goes Down. I could see some kind of insane hate fucking scenario, but like only very particularly?

I can’t help but make Hannibal comparisons when I think of KoS type scenarios/anything where they keep the Darkling jailed. But I could see Zoya as his jailor being very interesting (Chilton or Alana Bloom esque) And we canonically have him like demanding to see Alina, though again canon didn’t do nearly enough with it. So could I see a weird psychosexual SOTL/NBC Hannibal arc for these three? Mayhaps.

Darknikolina

Love them! I’m generally a fan of Darklolai and I think there’s a lot of very interesting unexplored territory in terms of what the dynamic between Nikolai and the Darkling even is. LB, even in KoS, tends to skirt around how they perceive each other fairly carefully? I think probably because she knows how much it’d expose the painfully thin politics and court set up lmao. But I think there’s room for very personal loathing —> fascination.

Anyway I am really interested in circumstances where like Nikolina get married For Politics and then the Darkling’s just in jail 5ever and things get weird. Or alternatively (I basically wrote this already) but a bad ending scenario where the Darkling wins and they’re both basically his captives.

I think there’s also a lot of mileage to be gotten out of the Darkling basically lying dormant inside Nikolai lmao/at least some of his power remaining there. And there are interesting body sharing weirdness places you could go with that. And complicate it even further by bringing Alina into the mix.

Kazper

This was probably my favorite SoC ship dynamic lmaoooo which I mean I knew was never going anywhere! But then gets further tanked by the clear comparison between Jesper and Jordie. I just really liked that initial pining set up where Jesper was desperate to prove himself to Kaz, to just get him to at all give him the time of day. And Kaz is just… frankly kind of cruel to him! Idk the conflict was really interesting. I would’ve loved to see the dynamic explored

Wesper

Eh. I didn’t really like them in the books tbh? I think they had some effective scenes in CK particularly but also like it wasn’t effective in a shippy sense to me necessarily. I did actually like them in the show a lot! So that’s made me more partial to it. But it’s still just not something I’d bother to think about outside of actually watching the show/reading the books.

[ktinastrikesback]

hey!! I literally can't think of any good stories but I know i have so many!! So Im gonna ask a few questions instead

Do you care about thanksgiving?

Any good movies you've watched recently?

any good music you've listened to as well?

Can you drive? Did it take you long to learn? I'm supposed to learn soon and I'm scared as hell

Oohh these are fun!! Let’s see

1. I don’t particularly care too much about Thanksgiving, but I am excited for it this year because my best friend and I are spending it together and making a feast. She’s a fantastic chef so she’s handling all the main stuff, and I’m in charge of snacks and dessert 😂 it’ll be chill and fun!

2. Ooh I haven’t watched too many movies lately tbh but I finally watched The Purge on Halloween and…it sure was something lol

3. I’ve been listening to a lot of Juke Ross and throwback hits lately

4. I do drive, and I love it! My poor dad sat through so many empty parking lot sessions with me, doing 100 u-turns and practicing braking and parking. He also let me drive to all of our local errands and whatnot before I officially had my license, so by the time I took the test I was kind of used to doing most of the driving in our house. But I didn’t fully become confident with it until I braved highway driving (essential where I live). My advice is to just have fun with it and practice as often as you can even if you’re nervous!

[beaversatemygrandma]

Oh my god. Work is a shitshow. I’m safe. For now. But wow. I came back from my weekend to the tensed damn environment and I had to do a whole damn puzzle to figure out why.

So. I come in as per usual. Things are normal. I guess the work friend who I’ve had the weird ass crush on is late. Normal.

Peaceful manager is Big Frustrated. That’s weird. I hear him arguing with another manager about the boss’s firing spree. I’m piecing together hints of overhearing with my terrible hearing and how things have been relabeled around the place.

Once an hour is up, I definitely know that person isn’t coming in today. Like. Okay, maybe schedules got shifted due to the new guy.

No.

He has their schedule.

They were fired.

THIS is why the chill manager was mad.

And honestly, I’m mad too. In the nature of what we do, sure they would make occasional mistakes bc what they did was a high risk and high stress part of it. Lives were in their hands at times. I just work the money here. Little mistakes add up a bit, but it was just one huge one that was understandable bc of this “life in their hands” situation. Like when you have to escort somebody who you initially thought was just having a mild panic attack is actually having a minor stroke and your coworker only orders the mistake you made to be fixed over radio (ensuring the boss hears) instead of fixing it and then saying “hey, I did this” instead of announcing it to the whole damn block and getting them in trouble when clearly this was a more than one person job….

I don’t know the whole story. They say he wasn’t being a petty snitch. I say he was being a petty snitch. Either way, with how it was left for a half hour due to the situation, it turned into a fireable offense bc of liability. Which could’ve been avoided. But no.

Either way, I didn’t even get the hint they were fired until I noticed there wasn’t a radio with their name on it anymore. I’d use it when they weren’t there bc yeah, and also bc it was the best working one. Those guys have butter fingers and they tend to fall from the course a lot. Now even though everybody would blame them for things not working, theirs was in the best condition and now the new guy has it. So. Fun.

And the shift in expression as I casually mention them to a manager during conversation. She looked like she dreaded breaking the news to me of what happened yesterday. And fair enough. Yeah. They were visibly the closest person to me there.

Ugh. Either way, I still had a slim hope through the day and ended up calling them when I got home. Only to have them go “oh shit. I forgot to tell you” as it turns out bc they went off and had a good day and got stoned at a skate park and hung out with people they haven’t seen in a while. Like living the best life in the last two days. I was expecting a call to a dark place but no, I got happy, rambly, and stoned. Even news of a cool new job opportunity.

It’s probably super selfish the way I’m thinking right now, but you asshole, the entire environment of that place is going to change now bc there aren’t any other people that fill the hole that you did.

And tbh notably the only person who picked up that I am not neurotypical in any reasonable way and offered me solace in their solitude area they found which is not available to me without them. So fuck.

And no longer have somebody who I can just fuck around with during the day bc I’m bored.

I left the phone call kinda open. Like I offered further contact and spending time together which I fully intend to actually do, so maybe it’s better that we aren’t forced to be together, but can choose it. Maybe I can see true colors better or something and not feel the weird coworker barrier or something. Bc straight up my reaction to the news was like a fucking pet dying. The same feeling in my chest. I got way too attached to this person really fast. I’m at least aware of it. But god. I didn’t want to come back from my weekend for such a shift there.

I honestly wonder if they even actually saw me as a friend or just as a coworker who attached to them in a friendly way or something. Then again, you don’t go through the whole event of getting excited that your coworker wants to break past a fear and offer to be absurdly physically close to them as they do so. Or the various warnings that they do tend to get physically close with friends then proceeding to do so. Like during that tree situation, I felt their dick on my thigh. That’s a bit too close and personal for just coworkers. Given fully accidental obviously but still. Too close for that.

But even with all that shit and more, I still feel as if it doesn’t go both ways. I’ll figure it out over time but still. It feels strange and I don’t want them to leave my life bc of this.

Starting to think that the warnings I started getting at work about them were more of a “don’t get too attached yet” thing and less of a worried about me way. Bc of this.

Agh. Everything is going to feel very wrong at work now. And I’m probably going to occasionally call them when I’m free. If I did it when I think about them, it’d be every goddamn day. Because fuck catching feelings for people. I still can’t even tell if it was platonic and sexual or just flat out feelings. It’s just THERE.

I’ll be fine. But fuck this job and it’s weird high turnover rate for the safety operators. I’m worried about the other one I’ve befriended now too. Like fuck.

Continuation edit now that I've calmed down:

The turnover rate is honestly the biggest concern workwise. Like I haven't heard of a safety operator who has this job for longer than 6 months. (this one was 4, maybe 5) Except one, the manager for that section who has been there for 11 years, practically as soon as it opened. (minus a couple years.) This was the manager who was ultimately pissed earlier today. Which is super out of character for him. It was planned to fire the one incompetent office employee. She was young, it was her first job. She just had too many fuck ups for this place. They need to up their requirements tbh. She wasn't a bad person, just very young and Very Stupid. Somehow, after getting fired, she managed to get placed in the maintenance department of the zoo. Which is honestly great for her. Though, this one was the planned and everybody was like "when WILL SHE GO?" Well. We got an answer and a replacement. We had a small opening in the area of the safety operators. Something part time. Something to where we wouldn't have two days with only two of those guys. (Wednesdays were a goddamn mess.) And here comes a new guy. Fantastic, right? Something part-time and we train him to fill these holes where it's a concerning lack of attention paid to the safety for a couple days? Right? Nope. Full-time hire. Weird. We don't need four a day.

I guess their firing was planned too. They just needed somebody for it. Can't really cut hours for this shift and make it obvious. But then what about those two days?? These guys can't get lunch breaks half the damn time. I've seen them take lunch at like 2:30, a half hour before we start closing entry for the day. And that was if they were lucky. And today, i guess bc somebody (i think i know who) complained about the lack of lunch breaks (probably as a fuck you to the boss for being a bad boss before leaving... and somehow left with a recommendation letter. Idk how they do this shit.) well today we had to take mandatory 45 minute ones instead of 30? Everybody was also being strangely by the book. This is a workplace with a professional mask on it 99% of the time. When the property owner shows up, it's 100%. When that guy is there. Again. MASK. We're immature and fuck with each other. Friendly dragging per se. There was a morning with nothing said other than sexual innuendos bc somebody flubbed what they were saying massively and then we all just rolled with it. If you aren't made fun of at least once a week, it's known that you're hated. Like this morning I asked one of the operators a favor (I'm short. I take advantage of having tall guys around.) and he asked me to submit a work order that would take 5 months to get back. And without waiting for anything further went and did what i asked. And that's just a basic one. That's the petty snitchy guy. His are basically saying no and then doing things. (He's a funky dork who adds some comedic relief to rough days, but i highly highly doubt he can even take the place of the "emotional support coworker" who they fired to make weeks bearable. ugh. mostly due to previous incidents. Again. Snitch.) Anyways, this is generally the test to pass in order to thrive in this environment. You gotta put up with the bullshittery. This new guy has yet to put up with it. He's a quiet and keep his head low kind of person. I've already gone out of the way to show him a few things and he does occasionally greet me already but he talks So Damn Quiet and i'm practically deaf. But, he was hired because he is friends with the snitchy and weird guy. Who is loud. And strange. The new one may actually be a fit. I just wish he were a little louder.

Sidenote: awkward thing with him. The gossipy replacement and ex-worker who came in to cover sometimes and is now replacing the redundant office worker got me going into something about taste in guys and I have said things. This guy is pretty damn hot imo. Long ass hair and a skater punk vibe. Kinda pretty. Woops. He's only 18. At least an adult but ouch. I thought he wouldn't get hired.

Good vibe at least though. Hope that isn't just from my initial impression of him.

I just wonder how long everybody is going to last. I've gotten the feeling that I'm secure. That's at least good, but i really don't like that everybody I could get close to could really get cut at any point.

I'm secure though. I've got this job down.

But then currently my only work friends left are an ex-con that i give rides to and a part time college kid who i only work two days a week with. I'm honestly closer to the con. Because he's open, wants friends, and i have witnessed and hung out with outside of work as well. He's just an old school stoner. Some guy really. Thing is, he's 12 years older than me, buff as shit (intimidating... but holy shit can he crack my fucking back), and would be a bad influence if he weren't a girl dad with a soft spot the same emotional size as his huge ass biceps. He's not bad and the age difference is so much bigger than me and my other coworkers (now with the lack of the one closest, 18-21) but I'm probably about to get a lot closer to him without the one person i generally talk to around. Current worry about next cut is him. This would fuck him over BAD. Because on paper he's a problem. In person, he looks like a wild man who came out of the woods with a prison bod. I really hope not because as far as the safety operators come, he's the only one who looks like he'd be insane enough to do half the shit they do on a zipline and the one that all the customers flock to bc "wild tree man" vibes. This man has named good reviews on the yelp. Yes, he can't keep things on the course for the life of him and leaves vapes around on the counters and drops literally everything and does about damn near everything the one just fired does, but i think due to sheer vibes, he's a bit safer. (Even though he actually isn't even the stronger of the two. It's surprising actually, kinda the superhero now vs past muscle concept.) They have about the same problems, just one has been an adult for far longer and knows how to get away with things. Somewhat well. Somewhat.

Either way. I'm honestly just hoping that work can still be pleasant and that I can actually get through all the days without getting too annoyed by things. Because literally. The one person that makes my week easier just by existing there is no longer there. And further from now, to figure out how exactly I even stand with them because sometimes i feel like basic coworker and sometimes it's as if we've got way more going on. (the fucking tension. Istg.)

Ugh.