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bubblegumbeech · 4 years ago

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Haunted Towers and Hidden Truths

Phic Phight prompt by @lexiepiper

Write a more traditional ghost story. How would things change if ghost powers weren’t super powers, but closer to old horror movie tropes?

“We shouldn’t do this Danny,” Sam said, ever the voice of reason. “This place isn’t like our usual haunts.“

But Danny shook his head, “No Sam, I have to do this. I have to know what that dream meant, if it was really a dream or something else.”

He moved to take a step forward when his other friend, Tucker, grabbed his arm, “I don’t know man, I think she’s right. There isn’t a possessed item to destroy, or an overactive ghost to try and calm down, heck even Vlad has a weakness we can exploit, we don’t know anything about this place. What if we don’t make it out of this one?”

“Come on Tucker,” Danny argued, his own confidence nothing but a mask, “It can’t be as bad as the haunted video game right? You die in the game you die in real life!”

Tucker didn’t laugh, “this is serious Danny, I know that dream had you messed up, but what if it was just that? A dream?”

“Or,” Sam cut in, “What if it’s a trap? Remember how Desiree tried to get us with that monkey’s paw when she realized we were getting involved with every scary story and urban legend in town and she didn’t want us to find out about her?”

There was also the time a ghost discovered Danny’s secret and decided to haunt him personally and make his life a living hell until he and Tucker were able to exorcise it. It had involved a gorilla, a lot of research into dead safari hunters, and one of his parent’s inventions that they rigged to do what they needed before destroying it so it couldn’t be used against Danny himself.

“We made it through all of those things together, remember when we first saw Cujo? And we thought he was to blame for Valerie’s mother?” Danny said.

Sam deflated, “and then we did research and discovered that Cu Sith only foretell death, not cause it… But Danny, we tried to research this place, remember? We found nothing. It’s like it doesn’t exist.”

“Yeah man,” Tucker scratched the back of his neck uncertain, “I couldn’t find so much as a blueprint. No building plans, nothing. The only thing we have to go on are stories from reckless kids trying and failing to spend the night.”

“You don’t have to follow me, the last thing I want is to put you both at risk. Especially after last time.”

Tucker groaned, “Danny you know we aren’t going to let you do this alone right? Especially not after Walker’s prison. Who knows what would have happened if we didn’t come in and save you?”

Danny smiled, “I probably would have starved to death to be fair, but yeah, I’ll try to avoid getting locked in any metal cages, deal?”

“To be fair,” Sam said, returning his smile with one of her own, strained though it was, “you probably would have died of thirst first.”

Chuckling at his friends' attempts to lighten the mood once they realized his mind wouldn’t be changed, Danny finally let himself look up at the place in question. It was a tall, crooked looking clocktower with old, brittle wood and peeling paint. In the low light of the evening it looked almost purple and with the dust and cobwebs covering it, it was clear no one had been inside for quite some time.

The Clocktower was a recurrent presence in his dreams, the ones he’d started having since the accident that made him the way he was: different from any person, but not quite anything else. It was always there in the background, but he’d never gone inside.

Once, during a particularly dull recurring dream where he relived the life and consequent death of a warehouse worker, he’d walked away from the endless piles of boxes and tried to go inside the clocktower instead. But no matter how far he traveled, it was always the same distance away. He just couldn’t get to it.

Danny couldn’t shake the feeling though, that something inside might have the answers he’s been searching for. So he stepped forward, and knocked on the door.

There was no answer, of course, and Danny almost felt foolish doing it, but also, ghosts and spiritual beings all had their own rules and perceptions of what is or isn’t polite, most of which Danny had stumbled into learning the hard way, and it really didn’t hurt to check.

“No answer,” Sam said and Danny nodded, turning the handle. It was old and brass and when it turned it made a loud grinding noise that vibrated along his arm. But it did open, and without Danny needing to persuade it, so that had to be a good sign right?

Unless it really was a trap.

“Maybe we should leave someone outside, in case it really is like Walker’s prison.” He offered, but both of his friends shook their heads and stepped past him. It was dark, musty and smelled in a weird way, like a library. If a library had locked its doors and not let anyone enter for a good century or so.

Sam took the lead, her flashlight catching on unfamiliar shapes and shadows. “Do you know what we’re looking for?” she asked, her voice uncertain.

Danny shook his head, “Not really, just… answers.”

They looked around the ground floor at first, but if it held anything particularly supernatural or important, it wasn’t going to be found. “This just looks like my grandma's living room.” Tucker complained, taking the sheet off of one of the couches, “we need to go further in if we want to actually find something.”

He wasn’t wrong, Danny looked over to the spiralling staircase in the back of the room, and then to the other doors that surrounded it on the first floor. “It’s probably better to do this systemically right? Go through every room on each floor and move our way up?”

“You mean like in a video game?” Sam asked, “sure, we can do that.”

They started on the left, but that room wasn’t much better when it came to finding any kind of clues. It held a kitchen, a very old kitchen, with a stove and oven that Danny had only ever seen in period movies. But…

“Why does it smell like cookies?” Danny asked, turning to his friends who both looked at him like he was crazy.

“Cookies? Yo, Danny this place smells like straight up death. Not cookies.” Tucker said, backing away from the oven and starting to open up cabinets.

Sam rolled her eyes and did the same on the other side of the kitchen, “it doesn’t smell like death you dolt, it smells… like a graveyard.”

Danny walked to the middle of the room, towards the oven- he always made sure to be the one seeking out the more dangerous or suspicious things in the haunts they went to- while the two of them bickered. They tended to start these smaller, petty arguments when they were scared, it took the edge off.

“Duh?” Tucker said, and Danny heard him slam one of the cabinets shut, “graveyards are death? What does it smell like to you? Your Mom’s perfume?”

“No, it smells like someone dying, you know all hospital chemicals and gross stuff.”

There wasn’t anything in the oven, but oddly, Danny had felt a wave of warmth when he opened it. Almost like it had just been used. But, ghosts didn’t need to eat, right? And there couldn’t have been a person living here, they’d notice that. At least, Danny hopes they would notice that. After being in dozens of life or death scenarios hinging on whether they noticed important but minute details, they’d become pretty good at that kind of thing.

“Ugh! Don’t talk about hospitals, I’m still not over North Mercy, that was horrible,” Tucker turned to Danny, leaning on one of the counters and ignoring the cabinet he opened right behind his head. “What do you think death smells like Danny?”

Danny walked over and closed the cabinet, he didn’t want something to suddenly appear inside of it all twisted limbs and empty eyes or for something to crawl out and scare them, or even have it slam shut on Tuckers head, like some ghosts were known to do. He didn’t have to put much thought into his answer, “It smells like burnt flesh, electricity, and polished wood.”

Tucker paled, “oh… right. Sorry.”

He shrugged, “anything yet?”

“Not unless you count cobwebs, dust, and deteriorating cooking books,” Sam answered, walking over to both him and Tucker.

Danny looked around at the kitchen, it looked normal, even some dying light shone in from the one window along the outer wall. The only thing weird was the shape and that was because it was at the bottom of a spiralling clocktower. There was nothing particularly scary about the place, and frankly Danny didn’t know what to do with that.

“Let’s move on, this place is giving me the creeps,” Sam said, crossing the room and going to the next door.

Danny and Tucker followed, unwilling to be left behind, or to let her go on her own. The next room was the same size as the other two, but it had an extra window and was crammed absolutely full of books. Just books. Stacks and stacks of them where they didn’t fit on the shelves, which were completely packed themselves, and Danny had the thought that this was probably what he was smelling when they first walked in.

It was a library. A personal one, but without any room to sit or anything to sit on despite the genuinely impressive display of books and Danny found himself gently stroking his hand against the cover of a book on the top of the nearest stack, When Ghosts Speak: Understanding Earthbound Spirits.

“Please tell me we aren’t reading all of this,” Tucker whined. Danny frowned, why wouldn’t he want to read these? It was a treasure trove of information, these books could have countless, researched, answers to questions they’ve been asking since the start of everything!

What if one of these books could tell them why Amity Park seemed to attract the supernatural, why they seemed to gain power within the city’s boundaries, why Danny wasn’t dead. He wanted nothing more than to grab any one of these books, walk into the next room, with the couches and comfortable chairs, sit down and read and read until he found something, anything he could use.

These books might even be able to help him deal with the supernatural threats that plagued their town. Mostly they’ve been surviving through luck and half baked internet searches with the occasional trip to the town library. And while it had been enough so far, Danny was practically salivating at the thought of being properly, genuinely prepared for something for once.

“Of course we aren’t,” Sam said, dragging Danny out of his fantasies of maybe knowing what he was doing, “they’re completely deteriorated. If we even tried to open one it would probably fall apart.”

Danny frowned, and then looked down at the book he’d subconsciously grabbed. It didn’t seem as bad as Sam was describing, but he also didn’t want to risk it either. He’d realized early on there was a difference between what he was seeing and what was actually real. He set it down gently and looked around the rest of the room with his friends.

“Are we so sure this place is haunted?” Danny asked. By then, the sun had set entirely and the only light left was their flashlights. High powered and with fresh batteries they were still little use against the encroaching dark and Danny wanted to move on to the next floor already if he wasn’t going to be able to open a book.

Tucker stood up from behind a precariously leaning shelf and dusted himself off, “Dude you’re the one that said there was something here and we needed to investigate. Remember, like an hour ago when the two of us were trying to stop you from going inside?”

Danny scoffed, “that’s not what I mean.”

“What do you mean then?” Sam asked, stepping closer so she could meet his eyes. There was something in her expression, curiosity or suspicion, Danny couldn’t quite parse.

“I…” Danny stopped to think, what did he mean? Was it just that the place didn’t feel haunted? There wasn’t anything here trying to scare him away, no ominous winds or loud knocking, but they’ve gone into haunts before that took a long time to start actually reacting to them. “There’s no, I don’t know how to explain it. Usually when we go somewhere haunted, that a ghost has a claim to or whatever… there’s this feeling that I’m trespassing? I don’t feel like I’m trespassing here.”

That probably didn’t make any sense, and despite everything they didn’t usually act on Danny’s gut instincts as a group without evidence. The issue with the circus and it’s terrifying owner was a lesson too well learned after all.

True to expectations neither Sam nor Tucker looked convinced. They shared a quick ‘what now’ look between each other and Danny resisted taking a step back and sinking into the wall. Not that he could do that, as far as he knew he couldn’t do that. Only actual ghosts could do something like that and despite everything Danny was still human- well, still had a physical form.

Permanently.

“Let’s move on upstairs,” Sam reasoned, “if Danny’s right there won’t be any harm in it, and if he’s not we’ll find out once whatever’s here starts actually reacting to us, right?”

Perfectly reasonable and logicked as always. Danny nodded and walked to the next door, if he was right it would lead into the room they had first entered with the staircase that twisted and climbed higher and higher into the heart of the tower. That was the next place to go. He knew that.

Tucker gently patted his shoulder as they walked towards the base of the stairs, “yeah, maybe the ghost doesn’t consider this bottom part his haunt? Maybe he just likes the clock on top?”

Danny smiled, “like the hunchback of Notre Dame?”

Smiling back, Tucker nodded, “exactly! Oh man, we gotta find out if that guy is real one of these days.”

“We have our hands a bit tied with Amity Park without going after disney characters,” Sam said, pushing the two of them from behind so they’d actually go up the stairs. “Now let's get a move on, I want to be back home before breakfast so my parents don’t realize I snuck out again.”

There was something Danny could say but he bit back the comment about how at least her parents would notice and quickly walked up the stairs instead. As soon as his feet touched the first step a bubbly feeling lifted in his chest, and it made him want to go higher as fast as he could there was someone up there waiting for him-

“Danny!” Sam called out, grabbing him by the arm, “calm down!”

Her grip on his arm was tight and Danny looked down to see what had her panicked only to find his feet had left the stairs entirely and he’d started floating upwards instead of walking. Like a human. Like his friends. Like what he was supposed to be.

He swallowed and let himself sink back down, forcing the feeling in his chest back as much as he could. It was like trying to kill the fizz in a shaken soda by screwing a cap back on it and he struggled with it for a moment. He’d never felt like this before- sure, most ghosts and other supernatural entities tended to broadcast emotions to a higher degree than humans, and with them also being natural empaths and Danny’s unfortunate situation it often led to him being overtaken by emotions that weren’t necessarily his own.

It’s just, they’ve never been this overwhelmingly positive before.

Even with Vlad, as human as he was, his emotions were always tinted with obsession and desperation. His need to have Danny and his mother for his own colored every interaction he’d had with the man and it often left a bitter, strained feeling in his chest. Right now, Danny felt almost giddy. And he wasn’t even sure it wasn’t just his own emotions, reacting to the environment around him. It was a nice environment after all.

But Danny was good at ignoring things like that.

“My bad. I’ll try and keep my feet on the ground from now on.”

Sam looked conflicted, “Danny you know we don’t mind you using your powers,” Danny nodded, they’d told him so many times over and over again, “But we don’t want to lose you to them. You promised to stay with us, remember?”

Danny smiled, “I remember. I won’t end up like that, I promised. That’s why we’re here right? To stop it?”

Sam nodded and let him go.

The second floor was similar to the first, in that it had three rooms leading into each other with the spiral staircase in the center. Danny started with the door on the right. It was a study. There was a desk, paperwork, and a bottle of ink with a quill and Danny found himself wondering just how old this clocktower really was. And how long it had been since its occupant was truly here, alive, if ever.

They split up and started looking around, eagerness exposed in their movements. This was the most likely place to have something useful, especially if whoever spent their time here was as studious as the lower floor suggested. Danny went for the desk.

There was a note on it, in perfect, looped handwriting and the ink was still glistening, fresh from the bottle if the smell had anything to say about it. Danny ran his hand across the words hoping to smudge it, but it had dried already, if barely.

It’s nice to meet you, little anomaly.

Danny grit his teeth.

“Guys,” he called out, holding the paper, “It knows we’re here.”

Sam and Tucker rushed over, and Sam grabbed the paper from his hand to read for herself. “Little anomaly? Isn't that kind of insensitive?”

“Yeah,” Tucker agreed, “you just have weird ghost powers right? Vlad’s the same way it’s not like you’re the only person on the planet like you.”

Hesitant to correct him, Danny bit his tongue. It was true that Vlad was a person who had unfortunately gained the abilities of a ghost, things like floating, making objects move with his mind or using his spirit to control people while he slept safe and sound at home. And he’d gained them in a similar way to Danny as well, trusting the wrong people and delving into things he never fully understood and still didn’t.

It was just … less true for Danny was all.

But he wasn’t going to tell them that, he wasn’t going to tell anyone that. So how did whoever, or whatever this was, know? Or was it just saying things to get under his skin, that was pretty par for the course when it came to ghosts. So why wasn’t it doing anything else? Trying to get them to leave? Was Sam right? Was it really a trap this entire time? What would happen if they went back downstairs and tried the door, would it open?

He grabbed the paper and shoved it into one of his jackets pockets, there was plenty of time to freak out over it later after all. “Let’s keep looking around, there has to be something here that it’s trying to distract us from.”

Unfortunately, there wasn’t anything more useful than there had been downstairs. Just what one would expect from a normal office. What papers he did find had detailed extensive notes, yes. But they were in a language Danny couldn’t read and neither Sam nor Tucker even recognized. It was infuriating!

Almost like whoever was haunting this place, was telling them it had all the answers they wanted but wouldn’t give them any. He just wanted to know how - Danny shook his head. There had to be something. He wouldn’t have been led all the way here, had all those dreams, if there was nothing he could do at all.

He threw one more frustrated look around the office before he threw the stack of papers he’d been digging through on the floor and marched over to the next door. It was unlocked, again, just like all of the others and it only served to increase Danny’s frustration.

“Wait, Danny,” Sam noticed him leaving and quickly followed, the door slammed shut behind them, locking Tucker inside the office.

“No,” he whispered, this was all his fault, he shouldn’t have let this ghost get in his head like this! He never should have let his emotions take him over, he knew better. It led to bad things. Horrible, terrible, things.

There was a loud bang on the door, someone was pounding against it and Danny flinched. Was the actual haunting finally starting? Was everything really just a way to lure them deeper into the tower and away from each other?

“Guys?” he heard Tucker call out from the other side of the door, “did you seriously just leave me behind? Don’t we have like, a rule against that?!”

Danny sighed in relief, it was just Tucker. “Are you okay Tuck? Did anything happen over there when the door shut? Any oozing walls or flying papers-”

There was another thump, probably Tucker banging his head against the door, “I know what to look for Danny I’ve been doing this the exact same amount of time as you.”

“Yeah yeah,” Danny acquessed. “Just get to the stairs and we’ll meet you there.”

He exchanged a glance with Sam, she was glaring a hole into the side of his head and he felt guilty for being the cause of everything going wrong, again. So he apologized and ignored her exaggerated eye roll when she said he should have known better, because well, he did. But what was he going to do, apologize twice?

The room they were in was a simple one, likely some kind of storage space that he and Sam could dig through for hours on end, but it was more important to get to Tucker than to try and make sure they didn’t miss anything.

Which, in hindsight, was probably exactly why they’d been separated.

A cold breeze tickled at Danny’s hair and he felt himself relax despite it all. It felt nice, the cold, and Danny liked when the haunts they went to leaned towards the chillier side like this. Sometimes, especially if Vlad was involved, it felt like he was walking into an overwarm swamp when he entered a haunt and it made him itchy and uncomfortable the entire time. Vlad never seemed to notice, and his friends complain equally about both, so Danny had mostly kept it to himself.

The entire tower felt nice, cold dry air, the smell of books, ink, and cookies, even the playful, excited feeling that seemed to permeate throughout the tower. Like someone had designed it to appeal in every way to both sides of Danny’s instincts.

It was unnerving.

He followed Sam out of the room and back into the middle where the stairs were, but Tucker wasn’t there.

Sam pulled out her phone, and Danny held his breath as it rang, once, twice, and then a click and Tucker’s familiar, annoyed voice came through the speaker and Danny sighed in relief. “Uh guys? I couldn’t get out the door so I tried to climb out a window, and there was uh, a ladder. So I’m outside right now. Come get me?”

Danny met eyes with Sam and nodded, they headed back down, “we’re coming Tuck,” he said.

“Cool, cool, actually rather than coming to get me, can we just go home? Come back later, like in the day time? How come we never do these things in the daytime?”

“You know that’s not how ghosts work Tucker.” Sam said, bored, as they walked to the front door. Danny felt a tug, something like a hand on his shoulder and turned to see what was behind him. There wasn’t anything there.

He turned back around to see that Sam had already walked outside, and was holding the door open for him, one of her eyebrows raised. Awkwardly, Danny jogged a little, so as to not hold them up too long. But before he could actually walk outside the door slammed shut.

Sam screamed.

“Danny! Are you okay!” Tucker asked, his voice panicked and muffled from the other side of the door.

“I’m fine,” Danny said, gritting his teeth and turning around. The room didn’t look or feel any different. There was nothing screaming at him to get out or anything else malicious. If anything it seemed even cosier than before, and Danny didn’t really know how to react to that.

He looked back at the door. There was a way, no. He couldn’t do that. Danny pinched at the bridge of his nose, the only thing to do, really, was to see who had invited him in. That’s what it was right? Some kind of weird ghostly invite?

“I’m going to go check upstairs,” he called out to his friends before walking back towards the staircase.

They pounded on the door, “Danny don’t you dare go up there without us! Just wait, we’ll find a way in! It’s dangerous alone!”

Ignoring their protests Danny took the stairs two steps at a time, fighting the rising excitement in his chest and firmly planting his feet against the polished wood. There were answers waiting for him, he knew there were. He just had to find them.

The third floor had a bedroom, it was nice, cozy and the bed even looked inviting. Danny didn’t bother to stay long. Whoever it was that called him here wasn’t in this room, nor were they in the next or the one after that. Just two bedrooms and a bathroom on that floor and Danny quickly made his way to the next.

This room was different from the rest. For one there were windows, everywhere, that seemed to play different scenes of different people from all over the world. If Danny strained his ears, he could even hear them speaking different languages. On the other side from the windows was an entire wall of clockwork that chimed and churned as the gears moved, keeping the face of the clock on the outside ticking along in sync with the rest of the world.

When Danny stepped into the room properly the carpet sunk easily underneath his feet and he felt a nice, cold breeze that came from a purple flamed fire housed properly in a fireplace in the middle of the room. He hadn’t even noticed a chimney from outside.

There was a man in front of the fire. He was tall and hooded and he carried an equally tall and gnarled staff in one of his gloved hands. Danny felt himself freeze, he had never seen a ghost this solid before. There was always a little bit of transparency, no matter how powerful, they didn’t have physical forms afterall. Not like Danny.

“Who are you?” he asked. His voice was dry and soft and Danny was thankful when it didn’t crack on his question. How embarrassing would that have been?

The man turned around, his face changing as he did from old and aged to a younger one, closer to his parent’s age, a large jagged scar marking it’s way through one of his eyes and down his cheek. He smiled, “I am Clockwork, Master of time. All that was, All that is, and All that will be. I understand you have many questions for me. I hope to answer them.”

A thousand questions ran rapidly through his mind, why did you call me here? Did you call me here? Why get rid of my friends? What are you and why haven’t I seen anything like you before?

“How do I prevent myself from becoming that.” Danny asked the most pressing question first, desperate. The man-ghost-Clockwork, sighed and gestured for him to sit. There was a comfortable looking couch with an equally comfortable chair across from it and a plate of cookies set on an elegantly carved coffee table between the two.

“That’s easily answered, sit, have a cookie.” Clockwork floated over, crossing his legs and settling into the chair before grabbing a cookie for himself.

Danny glanced at them, uncertain, before taking a seat. The couch was even more comfortable than it looked and he found himself sinking back into it, confused. The room was a nice, cold, temperature as well, despite the fire clearly burning in the fireplace.

He grabbed one of the cookies, “can I eat these?” he asked, looking over at his host.

“Of course,” Clockwork smiled, taking a bite of his own before leaning back, “I made them for you. Though your friends would have to be more careful, I’m not sure what food like this would do to a human.”

“I am human,” Danny argued, placing the cookie back on its plate. He had to, denial was all he had left at this point.

Clockwork frowned, “yes, well, I suppose we’ll get there next. You wanted to know about your dreams.”

Finally, Danny nodded, “they’re different ever since- uh well… ever since the incident.”

“It’s natural to not want to talk about one’s death,” Clockwork said, he leaned forward and tilted his head, “or one’s birth.”

“My dreams,” Danny asked, avoiding that conversation with all the grace of a blind hippo, “why are they different. You know right?”

Sighing, Clockwork nodded and leaned back, “yes, I know everything. They’re different, frankly, because they’re dreams. It’s unsettling to you because it’s new, you’ve never dreamed before.”

Danny scowled, “that doesn’t make any sense, I had plenty of dreams when-”

Clockwork interrupted him, disappointment plain under his hood, “You can lie to your friends Daniel, but I already know the truth. Just as you do.”

“I was astral projecting. Like what Vlad does… but then why-?” Danny bit his tongue. He couldn’t say it, not outloud. It was too difficult, he’d spent too long hiding it, pushing it away and doing everything he could to keep anyone from noticing.

“Why can’t you do it anymore?” Clockwork answered for him, Danny nodded. “The simple answer is that you aren’t like Vladimir, despite what he believes and would like you to believe as well. But that’s something else you already know. Ask me a question you don’t have the answers for.”

Danny grabbed another cookie, biting into it fiercely just to have an excuse not to speak. It tasted really good, better than anything he’d had in a while and Danny wondered if maybe there was something in it meant to sate his less human cravings. The thought didn’t help his inner turmoil.

Clockwork smiled softly at him though and sighed, “Fine, in order to answer your question, first I have one of my own.”

“Didn’t you just say you know everything?” Danny mumbled before shoving more cookie in his mouth.

“What good is a teacher that only lectures?” Clockwork said in retort, “do you remember how you died?”

He did, of course he did. “Kinda hard to forget that. Lab accident, electrocution, nothing fancy.” he said, curling in on himself. Clockwork had been right before, it was painful to talk about. But he wanted, no, needed the answers to his questions. He’d survive this.

“Well, that’s where your first mistake lies. Yes, that is what stopped your heart, and likely the most memorable part, but you didn’t die from that Daniel. What killed you came after.”

Danny frowned, “that doesn’t make any sense? What happened after?”

“Your spirit was never particularly bound to your body in the first place, likely due to your parents dabbling where they shouldn’t for as long as they did before you were ever born. There was a summoning, I think you remember, that your parents were holding when your accident happened on the floor below them.”

It was frustrating, that he was right. That he knew it. “I remember them recognizing me, my spirit. I remember them finding my body and shoving me back in. I remember the pain, and waking up and seeing-” Danny choked on the realization. It couldn’t be...

“Seeing the world in your dreams?” Clockwork asked, “the way you saw it when you were a spirit, free from the confines of your body, correct?” He floated over the table, sat next to Danny, and placed a hand on his back. Danny realized he had been shaking.

He grabbed the fabric of his jeans in a tight grip and tried to stop, “It’s all real, right? It isn’t… I’m not still dreaming? Please, I need to know.”

The hand on his back pulled him close, tucked into Clockwork’s side and Danny felt comforted despite himself, he fought to blink away tears that had been building behind his eyes as he tucked himself into Clockwork’s side. He was so solid, unlike any other ghost Danny had ever met and he seemed to radiate comfort where most just gave off fear and hurt.

“You’re not dreaming Daniel, you never were. The world is different when you see it through our eyes, that is all. When you woke up, you weren’t human anymore. Of course you wouldn’t be limited by a human’s sight.”

Danny curled into himself tighter, despair clouding around him and likely leeching unpleasantly into the air. It would be a wonder if Clockwork didn’t feel it. “So I’m a ghost.”

“Hardly,” Clockwork said and Danny stopped breathing, “Do you think the world is so simple it is split between what is ghostly and what is not?”

“I…” Danny had actually assumed that. So far everything they’d dealt with so far, short of Vlad, had either been a ghost or spirit of some kind, or a human that used magic or ghostly artifacts. Even Vlad had simply been a person who had learned how to control his own spirit the way a ghost would. If Danny wasn’t a human, and he wasn’t a ghost, then what was he?

Clockwork ruffled his hair, “I suppose you’re young. It is easier, afterall, to think of it that way. But Daniel, ghosts don’t have physical forms. They can possess one, or control one, and sometimes even mimic one, but they are spirits.”

He sighed, “you are something entirely different. You’re something remarkable.”

Danny leaned back, using the sleeves of his hoodie to quickly dry his tears so he could look Clockwork in the eye, “What am I?”

“You’re new.”

Danny shoved him, “Agghh, I knew that you jerk!” It was probably a bad idea to attack or antagonize someone as clearly powerful and knowledgeable as Clockwork, but really he’d been asking for it. And Danny’s patience was only so strong.

Clockwork didn’t fight him back though, nor did he get offended. Instead he just smiled that soft smile that Danny was starting to realize was affection, and said, “did you? Weren’t you trying to read my books to find out if there was anyone else like you?”

“Well yeah-” Danny stopped, “Oh. There wouldn’t be anything would there? If I’m the first?”

He groaned, that really was just his luck. He’d never figure out anything at this rate. Clockwork, the bastard, just hummed and grabbed another cookie, offering it to him. “No there wouldn’t. But you’re not the only one who was the first or only of their kind. Who had to figure out on their own, who and what they are.”

“You mean Vlad?” Danny asked, the thought left a sour taste in his mouth, wow he really hoped he didn’t mean Vlad.

Clockwork’s smile turned brittle, “I don’t mean Vlad.”

Danny chuckled, his thoughts turning mischievous, “I don’t know, he seems pretty unique, what with all those different abilities he has and the way he can choose to be human or ghost-”

“Oh please,” Clockwork interrupted, “there’s plenty of humans like Vladimir Masters, you were fully capable of astral projecting like that from birth, no black magic necessary. Just because he found a way to twist-”

He stopped, then looked down at Danny who was trying and failing to hold back a shit eating grin. All at once the air seemed to leave him and he deflated, the irritated look on his face replaced with open and honest affection and Danny felt it sing in the air around them.

“You were messing with me.”

“To be fair I didn’t think it would work, all knowing and everything.” Danny said, unable to fight the bubbling feeling in his chest as it rose to meet the affection around them. Usually it sucked having the empathy of a ghost and being near one or at least, something with the same traits. The negative emotions tended to bounce between him and them and amplify and it always made Danny struggle to parse his own emotions from theirs. But right now, in the top of a clock tower with the most powerful entity Danny had ever met, he felt happiness and joy to a degree he’d long forgotten. It was dizzying. He was almost giddy with it.

Clockwork patted him on the head, purposefully messing his hair, “yes well. I think in time, it will be more obvious just how different you truly are, how crucial every small coincidence was that came together that night to create you. But until then, you had another question? I can answer it now.”

Danny frowned as he realized what Clockwork meant, “You! I asked that question first! How did you only answer the one you wanted to!!”

“It was important,” Clockwork said, relaxing into the couch next to Danny, “to answer that question I had to be sure you knew what you were.”

He sputtered, “But I don’t?! I’m just something new! Something different!”

“Something physical that exists with the laws of the spiritual.”

“Yeah!” Danny said, “Wait, what?”

Clockwork nodded his head, “a physical entity that exists within the realms of spiritual possibility. It must be such a struggle, to deal with both sets of instincts like that.”

Danny’s head hurt, it was too much to try and understand the details of all of this. Maybe Tucker was right and he should just have let it be, learn to live with the new normal his life was now. Wasn’t that kind of what Clockwork was suggesting anyways? Then again, unlike Tucker, he did seem to thrive off of all of Danny’s questions, whether he actually answered them or not.

“Yeah, I have to fight my more ghostly instincts all the time. It’s exhausting.” he said, leaning into Clockwork. It should have been embarrassing, seeking comfort like that, but he’d already cried into his shoulder and there wasn’t really any way to come back from that so Danny did as he pleased.

He felt Clockwork’s hand return to his back, a solid comforting presence, “Now why would you do that?”

Danny tilted his head in confusion, “what do you mean?”

“Why would you fight against one half of yourself so thoroughly? But embrace the other side entirely?” Clockwork elaborated. “Did you think there wouldn’t be any consequences in fighting against your nature?”

“But,” Danny struggled to speak, pieces of the puzzle he’d thought hopeless putting themselves together in ways he had never expected and didn’t quite understand, “my nature is bad.”

Clockwork frowned and turned to look at Danny properly, “Daniel, it’s your nature. There is nothing good or bad about it. It is only as it is. Everything is as it’s meant to be.”

This was too much, Danny sat up fully and turned entirely towards Clockwork, “are you saying, the way I become that thing from my nightmare, is by… doing what I’ve been doing to avoid becoming that thing?!”

“Yes,” Clockwork answered like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

He blinked, the answer really couldn’t be that easy. “But in my dream, I, my instincts-”

Clockwork grabbed a cookie and placed it in his hands, “even humans react poorly, when they starve themselves. As you exist now, you simply need a different kind of sustenance. One you’ve been denying.”

Danny felt dread crawl down the length of his spine, “what kind of sustenance?”

“Spirits exist for reasons, and they exist differently from humans. In order to keep existing they need emotions, experiences, something to keep them held together. A spirit that has no reason to exist will simply disappear, you’ve seen such before it is relatively common after all. But you can’t do that, since you are physical in a way that they are not. You can starve yourself endlessly, into madness even if you’re desperate enough.”

“I do it to myself?” Danny asked, flustered and frustrated. It was true then? He really was his own worst enemy?

Clockwork shook his head, “it is not inevitable Daniel. As you were, it was the most likely path forward. Yes. You would have noticed the symptoms, seen yourself losing control and then, in reaction, suppressed yourself further. Starved yourself further.”

Danny cringed, yeah, that sounded like him. “How do I stop it then? I just embrace what makes me ghostly? What about my parents? If they think they failed the resurrection, that I’m not human anymore, they’ll kill me for real! Or worse!”

“That is indeed troublesome, and the paths of the future where they know your truth are twisted and sharp, every small decision every tiny change causing a greater effect on their reactions as a whole. But you do not need to reveal yourself to your parents to live your truth.”

Relieved, Danny fell back into the couch. He hadn’t even noticed he’d floated off of it, was that good? Bad? He shook his head, this was all too confusing. “How then?” He asked, maybe this time he’d actually get a straight answer.

Clockwork ruffled his hair and stood up, er, well, floated up and over towards the fire. “You continue doing what you’re doing with your friends, protecting your town and interacting with the truth of the world around you. And…” He turned around, “you can come visit me. It’s quite lonely in the clock tower they trapped me in, and there is much I can teach you about becoming. I had to learn such things about myself once after all.”

“You’ll let me come back? To visit you?” Danny didn’t know what to say. He could come visit, ask more questions, get more answers. It seemed too good to be true, and Danny found himself eager and excited at the prospect.

For some reason, the entire conversation, he’d thought this would be a one time thing. That the clocktower would disappear behind him and leave any question he didn’t ask unanswered. To find out that wasn’t the case, that he had somehow, against all odds, made some kind of ghostly ally, was beyond expectations. “You’ll help me?”

The answering smile had Danny floating out of his seat, “Of course Daniel. I’ll even bake cookies.”

#Danny phantom #Clockwork #clockwork dp #Phic Phight #phic phight 21 #sam manson #tucker foley #op #Bee's writing

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spenciegoob · 4 years ago

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Petrichor (Blurb)

A/N: hi hi hi! I wrote this instead of PWYC pt. 5 and i’m sorry, but enjoy!

Summary: Reader loved the rain, but Spencer loved them a little bit more.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Gender Neutral!Reader

Category: fluff

Content Warnings: none! it’s just good feeling, happy fluff

Masterlist

Word Count: 1.2K

____

One day they described the rain to me, how it felt to watch it dance on top of cars from their old apartment. How at ease their mind would feel when their French windows were wide open on a stormy night, watching the lightning ridicule the world for taking advantage of it’s tears.

“You’re drenched, and you’re going to get sick. How can you sit in the pouring rain?” I asked when I found them perched delicately on the windowsill, half their body already dripping.

“The rain is beautiful. Look!” Their excitement was endearing enough that there was no argument for me to stick my head out the window to look at the gray world around us.

“What am I supposed to be seeing?”

“I don’t know. I guess I just like to appreciate the underlying beauty of a storm before basking in the sunlight.”

I remember hoping they would speak about me with that same curiosity one day.

I don’t believe a purer love existed. I was completely infatuated with them, and for reasons beyond my control, they felt equally about me. It was obvious from the first time our eyes met. I watched, I couldn’t help it. They were mesmerizing, their eyes looking up at me with such innocence through bright, unadulteratedly joyous eyes.

They saw beauty within me in things I thought impossible. When I or anyone else would hide in dismay at the summer storm raging in my chest, they gazed through those French windows, fascinated at how the light could paint my eyes so dramatically.

And even after all this time, the years bringing less and less surprises as they went, the love we felt for one another was still beautifully unexplainable. Perhaps it is shown through the way my hand always searched out for theirs in grocery stores because losing them even for a second frightened me to the core. Maybe it was the way they stared at me through those unfathomable eyes as if I was the only man that would truly ever know them.

Either way, we fit one another to the bone, a love so pure and fragile I would spend an eternity looking for them if they hadn’t stepped into my life. For all the darkness and cruelty I see, one look at them and the world melted down to an innocent and kind place.

So I knew tomorrow when I stood at the altar, waiting for them to enter both the room and a new step in our lives together, I held no doubt. I was going to spend the rest of my time on Earth in their arms.

I sat at the kitchen table, holding a pen with enough force to be suffocating, and stared at the blank page in front of me. For all the times that I’ve let scientific facts and statistics flow off my tongue without a care, I could not find the words that held enough weight to convey my love for them.

“Hey Spence?” They called for me from the doorway of our bedroom. I looked up to find them in a t-shirt of mine with a cheesy chemistry joke printed on it. Since the day I explained the punchline to them, they wear it every chance they get. Little, fuzzy sock clad feet slid across the floor over to me where I was stuck admiring.

“You coming to bed soon? Your side is getting cold,” they whispered the last part with the lips grazing the top of my head, resting their hands on my shoulders. Immediately the tension left my body, and I turn, the words flooded my brain.

“Uh, y-yeah. In a second. I just need to finish something.” I felt their smile before I looked up to see it, and God was it breathtaking.

“Okay, my love.” Even though my hand itched to start scribbling my undying love, I watched their descend back to our bed, turning around once more to smile at me over their shoulder. Once they were completely out of my sight, I snapped back to my unfinished vows.

‘The day I met you, I was fully consumed by my undeniable fascination and the need to know who you were, You’re unlike anyone I have ever known. You’re this curious, ever-seeking, ever-feeling person who believed the world was good. You loved me before you ever judged me, a kindness not many people possess. Your ultimate adoration for just being alive immersed itself around me and for every moment I’ve been with you, the world has slowly started to become brighter. You give me purpose, like lighting a lost flame I thought to dismiss years ago.

And in 40 years, I have no doubt I’ll be sitting on our porch, surrounded by a white picket fence and a domesticity I can only find with you. I’ll just watch our memories relive and unfold, but the best of all is that you’ll be there next to me, and I can’t imagine not looking at you with the same amount of love as I feel right now. I am unconditionally infatuated with you now, and forever.

Because it’s always been you, and it will always be you. God, I love you.’

During the night after we devoted ourselves to each other, I watched as they lied next to me, my breath grew unsteady as theirs evened out. I was captivated by their hair spreading softly across pillows that would never compare to how soothing it was to lay across their chest. The way their eyes stared up at me with familiar amazement that made my stomach swell with butterflies and my pulse jump.

They were absolutely breathtaking.

In most literature, rain was mainly used to portray a certain kind of sadness that made the world feel like it was coming to an end, but not now. Right here, laying in between silk sheets that sculpted their body as if they were their own french painting, rain meant devotion, adoration, love.

A kind of endearment I would never find within wet clothes and runny noses unless my lover was next to me basking in the storm.

I know it was impossible, we were indoors for Christ’s sake, but the drop of rain that hit my arm felt real. It wasn’t until my lover’s face dampened with their own pouring raindrops that I realized mine came from my own eyes.

I was quite literally hypnotized, not moving to wipe the tears running down cheeks that were pushed up from the wide, involuntary grin spread across my face. I could only fixate on them, the way they smiled back and the blush that rose to their cheeks. I couldn’t take my eyes away.

It was okay though, because they never looked away either, and reached up to wipe the teardrops I let fall carefree. I nuzzled into the palm of their hand like I couldn’t get enough, but the truth was their touch ignited a comfort that deeply resonated in me, and I would selfishly search out for it every chance I got.

I would pray for the sky to turn gray and rain to fall in sheets for the rest of my life.

____

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aelingalathyniusrailme · 3 years ago

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Broken, battered, and beautiful-chapter 2

if you haven’t go check out chapter 1

“Oh hi.” even in the privacy of her own home elain was clothed in a fine dress made of satin, the color of sunflowers with a high neckline. Gwyn tried to muster up embarrassment for her own plain outfit that most definitely could have been mistaken for sleep wear, but she couldn’t find the energy to care.

“Hello, um I wanted to come by to say thank you for the other day.” Gwyn felt awkward and uncomfortable, this female had done nothing to wrong her and yet it was difficult to let the protective and territorial instincts go. Azriel was not hers, it was a mantra she replayed in her mind over and over. The words a double edge sword encouraging her to move on with a torturous truth.

“It’s no worry, I never would have left you on the ground at night” elain smiled warmly, “and besides nesta would have my head if something had happened to you.” gwyn gave her a tight smile, the most she could force herself to manage.

They stood in an unpleasant silence, the only sound being the soft anxious tapping of gwyns hand on her thigh, a nervous tick she had yet to break. thankfully after a couple dreadfully long seconds elain spoke, “would you like to come in?”

Gwyn let out a sigh of relief and gave a slight nod of her head. She then followed Elain into her home. As Gwyn's eyes roamed the place she felt as if she had stepped into the spring court, or what it used to look like, she supposed from what Feyre had told her about its current state.

Elain must have noticed her curious glance at the windows stretching from ceiling to floor with the sun blazing through them, “when I was looking for an apartment I wanted as much sunlight as possible,” she paused to reposition one of her many many plants. “For me” she paused once again, taking in the almost overwhelming amount of blossoms. “And the flowers. In case you haven’t noticed, I have a slight obsession with greenery.”

“Slight is a modest term.” gwyn noted. She laughed. The sound was sweet and full and covered the room in a joy that could not be masked. Gwyn wished she could say she couldn’t remember the last time she laughed like that, but she had. Darkness coated the once joyous memorie, infecting it with anger and malice. Pain was soon to follow but Gwyn shoved it down, pressing a lid on her emotions, better to feel nothing at all then the heartbreak of what she had lost.

Elain quickly picked up a few scattered papers on her table and pulled out a seat for gwyn. “Would you like some tea? Emerie gave me a few samples but I haven’t had the chance to try them yet.”

“I would recommend the strawberry green tea, personally I think it’s her best, though most of them are… editable.”

She raised an eyebrow “most?”

“Well for Emerie's sake I’ll let you form your own opinions but between you and me, I’d keep a safe distance from the lemon ginger.”

Elain looked amused. “I will keep that in mind.”

gwyn watched as elain made the tea quietly humming to herself. She set down the cup in front of her, “one strawberry green tea.” Gwyn gave a nod of gratitude before quickly realizing that that was a poor response. God had she lost her manners along with her dignity.

“Thank you.”

Once again silence fell over them, the conversation they had both known gwyn had come for hung in the air, hovering, waiting for a moment to strike. But Gwyn had made a promise to Catrin, a promise to her found sisters, and a promise to herself that she would be brave.

“What happened between you and azriel?” she blurted. Elain took a deep breath before answering, everything about her expression and posture, unsurprised by the question.

“In order to really understand, I would have to start from the beginning. Are you positive you want to hear the truth?”

No. yes. No. She did not want to hear, she desperately did not want to hear but she had to know. “Yes.”

Elain nodded, “It’s been about four years since I became fae and the subject still isn’t my-favorite, but four years ago I was engaged to a man named grayson. Looking back he was truly dreadful and a little bit of a tool. But I was in love, or.” Elain’s cheeks flushed slightly. “what I thought was love. He truly hated the fae and when I became the one thing he hated more than he loved me, his love quickly became fear and his fear fueled his hatred. I was dependent on others, in more ways than one. And with my world being literally and figuratively turned upside down, the one person who was supposed to love and support me through it all, abandoned me without hesitation. Although the argument could be made that I was coddled my entire life and this was a much needed wake up call.” Elain paused, letting out a shaky breath.

“If this is too difficult for you we can stop.” As much as Gwyn needed to hear this story she would not force Elain to relive her trauma.

“I owe it to you and to my sister to avoid bad blood between us and if telling you this story is what it takes, then that is the least I can do.” She took a sip of her tea. “Now I knew I had just lost who I thought was the love of my life and then I was forced into the hands of another.”

Her stepbrother, she thought. “Lucien.”

“Yes,” elain smiled fondly. “He was my breaking point. All I wanted was to collapse into myself, to pretend that I was still human. But with him I couldn't. He was a walking reminder of everything I hated about myself. The only thing that haunted me more than him was my own reflection. I thought that if I avoided him I could ignore the magnetic pull that drew me to him.” She looked down and bit her lip. “Denial was a personal favorite of mine.”

Gwyn raised her eyebrows. “I can tell.” she watched as color flooded her cheeks and Gwyn's lips twitched.

“But it was proving to be a little more difficult than I had expected. And then there was this dark, attractive male who seemed to be intrigued by me. He was kind and he was there so I forced myself to believe I had genuine feelings for him, that I desperately wanted him.” Gwyn's stomach lurched but she forced it down. “He was a perfect distraction, there were these small moments where our fingers would brush or I would find him looking at me as if he desired me. I needed so badly to believe that this was what I wanted and yet I felt nothing. I thought that becoming fae had broken me. I made up my mind that if I kissed him, the feeling I craved would come. So at solstice, when I knew there was no way for him to avoid me, I gave myself an opening and waited until after dinner to give him his gift. He gave me a necklace and kissed my neck. We were moments away from, well you know, when he left very suddenly. I was confused and a little bit hurt and I still felt nothing. So I followed him, and well” elain let out a bitter laugh. “Let's just say Azriel said some rude things.”

Gwyn’s face was one of constant shock as elain told her the shadowsinger’s conversation with the high lord of the night court. “The only thing he could say about you was Three Brothers, Three Sisters?!?”.

“Yep.”

“He thought he was entitled to you because his brothers were mated to your sisters?!? Even though you had a mate??”

“Exactly”

“And you guys were so not on the same page, you guys weren’t even in the same gods damn book.”

She laughed. “I guess that’s what happens when you don’t communicate.” Gwyn's thoughts were a cage of her own making, one she couldn’t escape. She was outraged on behalf of elain, how dare azriel make some sort of claim on her, she was not a toy to be passed around. But she couldn’t help but think first Mor than Elain, what the hell was she to him? Had it all been a game of pretty words and sweet lies? Was she just one of many?

“Anyway, I decided that the distraction wasn’t worth putting myself through whatever was going on with him so I gave him back the necklace. I assume that he saw you sometime that night or in the next few days because I saw you with the necklace a couple weeks later. I know that I did not have the right to be upset considering I gave it back but, for me, it confirmed that my decision was the right one.”

Azriel had, in fact, come to her that night Gwyn thought back to solstice 2 years ago. It was the first time she had been alone with him, It was the first time she'd been alone with any male since.

“Azriel and I barely spoke or interacted since solstice when a couple weeks ago, when I was shopping in town I saw him so drunk he could barely walk. I’d seen him with you a couple times and it seemed like he had changed so I went to go help him and he tried to kiss me. I slapped him and walked away. The next day he came by my apartment and begged me not to tell you. I told him I owe him nothing and closed the door in his face.”. She didn’t owe Gwyn anything either and yet she still defended her. “I then told Nesta what had happened and asked her to tell you.” elain took another sip of tea. “I thought it would have been better if it came from her.”

Gwyn watched elain, even doing something as mundane as drinking her tea, in this house, she looked more peaceful and in her element as she had ever seen her. Gwyn was also positive this was the most she had ever heard her talk and despite a part of her still wanting to rip her head off, she was grateful for the female and she was sympathetic for what she had gone through, and she was embarrassed for not seeing this side of azriel.

“I’m sorry.”

A puzzled look graced elain’s face. “What for?”

“For what you went through, for whatever part I played in your pain.” she chuckled at that.

“You did nothing wrong, besides if anyone should be apologizing it should be me.”

Gwyn snorted. “That’s ridiculous.”

“How about it should be azriel apologizing to the both of us.”

“Deal”

elain looked out the window. “Oh speaking of solstice, I have to do my gift shopping.” she glanced at Gwyn, something in her gaze she couldn’t detect, maybe pity, maybe spite from an old grudge, maybe it was genuine, maybe a mix. Whatever it was made her ask, “would you like to come with me?”

And even if it was pity or spite, even if all elain saw was a broken toy in need of saving, she said “yes.”

tagging: @stars-and-scripts @valkygwyn @em---r @whereisvaughan @purplecherrypie @lattristantketchup @bookish-isha @meher-sumedha @jennysofoldstone @ratabrasileira

#gwynlain #gwyn berdara #elain archeron #let me know if you want to be tagged or removed #gwynriel #elucien #I'm not going to lie I kind of enjoy shitting on azriel

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rosemary-writes · 4 years ago

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Pitiful Creature of Darkness

Paul x GN! Reader

Word count: 1.9k

Authors note: this came to me in a dream about a week ago. I dreamt that Paul was so upset about something and all I remember was that his skin was soft. So, I wanted to share it.

Warnings: Mentions of a past life, implied abuse, sad Paul, serious talk, angst, apologies, and some other things that I’m forgetting

It all started when you two were at the cave. The other boys had gone out and Paul just wanted to stay in with you. Usually that meant sex but, you weren’t in the mood. So, he had settled with intense spooning on the couch with you as the big spoon. After you two got settled, you engaged him in conversation about many different things until the topic led to his life.

Paul knew most things about your life, but you didn’t know much about him. He had told you some things before, but it was never too much. However, It was an innocent question and he was happy to tell you about the good things.

Fondly, Paul told you about the different decades, silent films, and even the old West. Of course the other boys were all a part of his stories. It took him a couple of minutes to stop laughing when he told you about the first time David accidentally angered a mother opossum.

Eventually he stopped his stories after about two hours. So, you two had cuddled in comfortable silence for a while. Then you asked the one question that changed his mood.

“What about your life before you met the boys?”

It was an innocent question but you felt him stiffen. His hand ,that was holding yours, had accidentally squeezed you a bit too hard.

“I-I don’t want to talk about it, babe.”

“That’s okay, you don’t have too if you’re not comfortable with it.”

Gently, you had kissed the back of his neck. His body was still stiff as he let out a sigh.

It must’ve been a sore subject for him because for the rest of the night he was silent. You sat up at one point and you could see him deep in thought. His mood changed drastically. Even when the boys came back, he was silent and void of emotion. His behavior immediately got the attention of the boys.

David had shot you a look that said “What’s wrong with him?” Paul must’ve seen him do it because you could barely mouth something to David before Paul grabbed your hand and practically dragged you out of the cave.

“Paul, what are you doing?” You asked, as you followed him to his bike.

“I’m taking you home.” He said, as he got on. You were taken aback at his bluntness.

“If this is about the question I asked then I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked that.” You said, as your hands rested on his shoulders. You were barely able to look at his face before he demanded you to get on the bike.

It kind of scared you with how angry he was. The last time he got angry, he had stormed off and disappeared into the night. As you got on behind him, you could tell that was going to happen again. Except this time, he was going to drive you home.

On the way to your house, neither one of you said a thing to each other.

You were a bit worried when he stopped in front of your house to let you off and sped off with a word. Sighing, you walked into your house and remembered what happened last time.

It was a different situation. You two had gotten into a fight about the way he would flirt with different people. You did know that it was how the boys trapped people to become a midnight meal, but it still made you jealous and uneasy. Eventually, the argument escalated to the point where the boys had to separate you two. Immediately, Paul left and you were so pissed that you walked home.

Then, after a few days of not seeing each other, he showed up at your door with some flowers and he apologized.

You sighed and rubbed your temples as the memory replayed. Hopefully, it wouldn’t take a few days for this to be resolved. You hated to see him angry. The clock gently ticked that it was a few hours into the morning and you huffed. Since you were around Paul so much, you had adjusted to his schedule.

Regretfully, you were too worried to do anything. So, you walked to your bathroom, washed your face and went to your room to lay down. You didn’t really want to sleep because your mind kept wandering back to Paul. It made your heart ache when you recalled his sad face. You didn’t know it was such a sensitive topic ,but it still made you feel bad that he got upset.

Brushing the thought away, you pulled off your shoes and got under your covers and began thinking of a way to apologize to him. Carefully, you closed your eyes and kept thinking until you slipped into sleep.

—

Loud knocks woke you up. It was still dark and you couldn’t see anything in your room. The knocking continued and it grew even more frantic. Someone was banging on your window. You pulled away the curtains and noticed a very rough looking Paul. Immediately, you could see the blood all over his mouth and body. His clothes were torn and his eyes were full of tears. He must’ve gone hunting to deal with his anger.

You squinted into the distance and noticed that the sky was changing colors to prepare for sunrise. Quickly, you unlocked your window and flung it open. Paul climbed through with haste and you hurriedly closed the window and shut the curtains.

When you turned to Paul he stared at you for a second before engulfing you in a hug. He began trying to explain himself but he couldn’t get a word out between sobs. You noticed how his body shook as he began to mumble out apologies.

Your arms gently wrapped around him as his head fell on to your shoulder. Your hand came up to gently run your fingers through his hair. It almost always calmed him down.

That’s how you two stayed for a few minutes. Embracing in the middle of your room. He had quieted down but you could still feel the warm tears from his eyes and the gentle shaking of his body. When you could feel him breathing deeply, you took that as a sign that he had calmed down enough.

“You okay Paulie?” You asked quietly. Paul sniffled and nodded his head.

“Okay, can we go to the bathroom so I can clean you up?” You asked again.

“Yeah.” he responded breathily. Slowly, he slid his arms from you and moved back. His sorrow filled eyes met yours and a stray tear fell down his cheek. You grabbed his hand and led him to the bathroom. Turning on the light, you gently brought him in. You noticed how he was still wearing his stained and tattered clothes.

“Is it okay if I take off your clothes?” You asked, turning the sink faucet on. Instead of answering, he shrugged off his jacket and took off his top. You grabbed a rag as he sat down. He watched you as you wet it with warm water.

“This might be a bit rough, but I don’t want you having blood stains.” You said, as you lifted his face up gently. As you started to clean off his face, you noticed how his eyes didn’t meet yours. You ran the cloth under the water and went back to his face. When you got to his cheek his hand came up to grab your wrist. You paused at the sudden motion.

“Sorry, do you have a bruise?” you asked.

“Please stop apologizing. You didn’t do anything wrong.” answered Paul as he looked up at you. You were taken aback by his sudden sentence.

“Paul, I feel bad for asking that question and making you all upset.” you said, as your hand rested on his cheek. He sighed at your response, “But it’s not even your fault. It’s mine!” he said as his eyes began to tear up again. Your other hand came up to cradle his face.

“I want to tell you everything, I really do but, it’s so hard to talk about it because I hated my life before I met the boys and I hate how I feel when I talk about it.” Paul said, as tears began to stream down his face again.

“I wasn’t treated right and I didn’t even realize it until so many years later. I realized all of the good things about myself with them and I became who I always wanted to be. I hate talking about my past because I don’t like reliving the time I spent without them.” he admitted as he closed his eyes. He inhaled shakily before he continued.

“I hate even thinking about that life because you weren’t a part of it.” he said, pulling you to him by your waist. His head rested on your stomach as he held your legs.

“You’re one of the best things that’ve come to me in this life and-“ he paused to take in a deep breath, “and I want to spend the rest of time with you.” Paul whispered finally as you wrapped your arms around him. You had tears in your eyes that were threatening to spill. You blinked and they fell down your cheeks.

“Oh Paul.” You quietly whispered as you leaned over to hold him. You gently kissed his head, “ You don’t ever have to talk about that life ever again.” you whispered as he let out a low sigh.

A few minutes passed before Paul stood up.

“Let me clean myself. Go to your room and I’ll be in there in a few minutes.” he said, grabbing the wet rag from the sink. You nodded and walked out, closing the door behind you. With a sigh, you walked back to your dark room. The clothes you were wearing had gotten dirty with blood so you had to change. You went to your closet and pulled out some extra pillows and clothes. Quickly you slipped off the dirty clothes and slipped into the clean ones. You tossed the clothes into a hamper and put the pillows on your bed and walked over to some candles that you had. Carefully, you lit them and disposed of the extinguished match. As you walked back to lay on your bed, you heard the shower come on. Lazily, you flopped onto the blankets and pillows and got comfortable to wait for him.

Eventually, he walked out of the bathroom in just his boxers. You could see his tired expression in the candle light before you got into the bed. He wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you close to him. You turned to face him. His eyes were closed ,but you could tell he wasn’t asleep. Silently, you brought your hand up to his soft cheek and gently cupped his face. His eyes opened and met yours. With a stroke of your thumb, he smiled.

“Are you warm enough?” you asked quietly. He nodded and closed his eyes. You watched his face for a few seconds before closing your eyes.

“I love you, I hope you know that.” he whispered, gently kissing your palm.

“I love you too Paul.” You whispered back. ”I hope you know that I’d gladly spend the rest of time with you.” You finally said. You could feel the smile on his face.

“That means you’d become a vampire.” He mumbled, as he moved his hand to rub your back.

“I know, I'd gladly become one for you.” You replied. He chuckled and gently kissed you. It was short and sweet and then he pulled away. He quietly whispered something but it fell upon the silent room as you slipped into sleep.

#the lost boys 1987 #paul the lost boys #the lost boys x reader #the lost boys imagines #The lost boys Paul #rosemary writes

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stydiaeverafter · 3 years ago

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Ch2: Hidden Nightmares

Summary: Heather helps Ray through his nightmares but also worries about her own—her future.

Rated: T

Warnings: PTSD from the challenges of Panic

A/N: Thank you for all the kind words! I'm excited to continue this story between Nillhall. As much as I love writing from Ray's POV, I will be switching back and forth as the story goes on. I hope you all enjoy it!

Read on ao3

***

"I'm scared I'm falling in love with you." Heather could not get those words out of her head. They were floating alongside so many feelings that she couldn't ignore, even if she wanted to.

"I'm scared, too." It was the truth. Ray had been right. Since the challenge, everything frightened Heather. Sometimes she didn't know which way was up from down.

After she received the money from the Bagman, Heather was living in a constant state of anxiety. It didn't help that someone had thrown a scarecrow dummy at her car—a warning that Panic wasn't through with her, that she was being watched.

Though, she had been the fool and hadn't told anybody about it. Heather had wanted to wait to see if anything else would happen. Plus, she knew that Ray would freak, and she didn't want him going off the deep end, primarily because of her.

Besides worrying if someone wasn't through with her yet, the money would be stolen. The challenge was just beginning. Heather also thought about the relationship with Ray.

They were in the beginning stages of figuring out what this all meant between them. Heather had joked, saying, "We don't have to fall in love, Ray," but she realized soon after that the falling was inevitable.

Heather had been falling in love with him since he finally had opened up to her at the Player's Ball. Even though she had tried to push anything serious from her mind, fate had a different path for her.

Ray brought out a wild, not-so-sheltered side of her. It was fun, exciting, and new. Natalie, before leaving Carp, had warned her for the millionth time, saying men like Ray don't always change. But the problem was that many people didn't actually know the real Ray Hall. They saw what was surface deep—not the man behind the iron mask.

She was taking the time to really get to know Ray after so many years of witnessing the facade.

It had been almost a month since the game and surrounding herself around Ray Hall. Heather tried to keep digging to get to know him, even though they had difficulty keeping their hands off each other. There was a chemistry between them that was electrifying. She knew he felt it, too, as he would often tremble when they kissed.

They had hooked up a few times, still not having sex, and she was grateful he was willing to take it slow after what had happened at Graybill Manor.

However, Heather couldn't stop thinking about that. This part Natalie didn't have to warn her about. It was only the truth that Ray had hooked up with many girls and had since their freshman year. As she replayed Graybill Manor often in her mind, Heather still couldn't figure out why he had gotten so upset. Part of her whispered that it was because what was going on between them had been different for him, special, and when she had said, "What's the big deal," it had stuck him in the heart. But was that the real reason? Maybe so, now that she knew he was falling for her. But would it last? In her mind, she was sometimes scared she was one of the many on his list, and when he was bored, he'd throw her to the side. However, her heart would beat, saying that was a lie. This man loves you. He'll wait.

Heather had fumbled a lie saying she wasn't a virgin, but the truth was, she very much was. She had wanted to wait for the right person and always thought it would be with Bishop. But they had failed romantically, and that was okay. Sometimes just being best friends was enough.

Being around Ray, her thoughts shifted, and more and more did she want her first time to be with him. But how could she tell him that? Unless he already knew. That man was perceptive.

She looked over at him, sleeping in the sun on his boat as she wrote ideas for her stories that would probably never be published. The way he encouraged her to write was as beautiful as watching the sun touch his face in the light.

His arms were folded, and his eyes were closed in a peaceful way. He looked younger this way, not the troubled adolescent who had been forced to grow up too soon, even though she knew exactly how that felt.

Ray truly was gorgeous, and she resisted the urge to run her fingers down his cheek. Instead, she gripped her pen tightly and continued to write.

Writing gave her purpose. The inner words, too scared to speak, found their escape into the world. Heather wanted so desperately to take her writing a step further. But to do that, college was a must. She had more than enough money, but part of her was scared to use it, and the other part didn't want to leave Lily or Ray. This hadn't been the first time Heather considered taking her sister with her, but could she give her the life she deserved? It sure would be a hell of a lot better than what their mom was giving them. But it was a custody battle she didn't want to play, even though she was 18 now.

That didn't stop Heather from still applying to the University of Austin, the place she always saw herself going. She looked back down at Ray, wondering how he would take the news that she had applied. Heather knew he had changed a lot from the boy before Panic, but would he be willing to do long-distance?

Her thoughts evaporated as Ray started thrashing around, whimpering in his sleep. She closed her notebook and made her way over to him.

"No...don't...don't leave me. Heather..." She froze at his words, wondering if he knew exactly what she had been thinking only seconds before. "No, help. No...."

Heather knew Ray spoke in his sleep, especially with his nightmares—the unfortunate pleasure of having a traumatic past—but this seemed unusual. Worse in numerous ways, especially given how Ray was shaking like a scared child.

"Ray! Ray, wake up." Heather shook his bare arms as he tossed around the small boat. "Ray!"

Finally, his eyes shot open, and he gazed up at her as Heather attempted to block the sun from his eyes.

"Heather?" Ray asked after a moment, sitting up slightly, his body covered in sweat.

"It's me. I'm here," Heather replied, bending down to gently kiss his forehead. "Are you okay? You were having another nightmare."

Instead of answering right away, he just gazed into her eyes as if he were getting lost in something that only he could see. Then all of a sudden, Ray shook his head and ran a hand through his already messy curls. "I'm fine. Sorry to worry you."

"How often are you getting them?"

"Nah," Ray shrugged, "it's not a big deal. Just my fucked up brain." He ran his fingers gently through her hair, a habit that had formed since spending so much time together. "No worries, babe."

"Ray, stop it." Heather gripped his hand tightly, and he froze, "Don't do that! Please don't push me away. It's a big deal to me if it's hurting you." She placed her palm against his warm cheek, and the facade disappeared instantly as Ray closed his beautiful blue eyes.

It still took a lot for Ray to be vulnerable, but he would for her. Sometimes though, it took a bit of convincing. Old habits die hard. She was working on letting someone in as well. In her past, Heather had to be a closed-off box inside her own comfort zone—being with Ray expanded everything she knew. It was scary but worth it.

"I'm sorry," Ray responded, opening his eyes. "I don't mean to be an asshole, especially not to you. I appreciate that you want to be there for me. Guess I'm still getting used to it, though." Heather nodded with a smile, confirming that she understood the journey and making positive changes. He sighed deeply as he took her hands into his lap. "The dreams?" Heather bit her lip, waiting for when he was ready. "You. Lately, so many of them are about you."

"Me?" He nodded. Heather squeezed his hand, "Can you tell me what this one was about?"

Ray glanced up at her, with a crestfallen expression, "You left me again."

Her heart stopped in her chest—Ray must've known. Heather cleared her throat, "Left you how exactly?"

"It was the fire this time. I could see your lifeless body on the ground as we tried to do CPR. But...it didn't work. Just a reminder that even when I ran in to help you, I was the one who couldn't save you."

Heather gasped and held her breath, "You ran into Graybill?" He nodded with a sad defeated grin. "I had no idea. No one told me. Why didn't you?"

"Explain how I couldn't find you?" Ray shuttered, gripping her hands tightly. "You almost died, Heather; I felt like a failure."

Heather couldn't explain what that meant to her. He had tried to get to her, even if he hadn't found her. Ray had searched for her, even after their argument and him calling what had happened between them a mistake. They weren't a mistake; they never would be.

"It means the world to me that you tried, though. I hope you know that." He didn't answer her, so Heather went back to the dream, remembering to focus on the issue at hand. "But damn, I'm sorry you keep reliving it," she whispered. Heather scooted closer to him in the small space. "It was a close call, but I'm okay."

"I never know which one is worse. They're all fucking horrible." Ray let go over her hands and covered his eyes with a groan, "Last night's dream, you fell off the plank, right through my damn fingers."

"The challenge is over, Ray. We both made it out in one piece." Now was definitely not the time to tell him about the weird dummy being thrown at her car. She really didn't want to send him into a nervous breakdown.

"Maybe that's what Panic does to you, though, screws with your mind even after it's over."

Heather sighed, "But the nightmares are only of me?"

"Yeah, and I fuckin' hate it. I'd rather it be me."

She shook her head rapidly—Heather wouldn't want that...never. "No, don't say that. Listen, I know they're probably terrifying as all hell, but I'm okay. See?"

He nodded but didn't look at her. Heather could tell that Ray was still far away in that mind of his. "Ray, I'm here." Heather took his hands and placed them firmly on her shoulders. "Feel me. I'm not leaving you."

Ray finally peered at her. The look reminded her of the day he told her he was scared he was falling in love with her. "Promise?"

It was a double-edged sword making the promise to Ray. If she got accepted into UT, Heather would be leaving him unless he came with her, which she doubted he would. But she had to do something to alleviate his worries, at least for a little while. "I promise, sweetheart."

His lips were on hers before she realized Ray had moved. "I love it when you call me that."

She smiled at his words spoken against her mouth, feeling a small dose of relief. But as he kissed her softly, Heather felt like she could cry at the desperation behind it. As much as she yearned to leave Carp, she was terrified to say goodbye to Ray Hall—the man she loved.

#nillhall #nillhall fic #heather x ray #heather nill #ray hall #panic fic #panic amazon #panic tv series #post-canon #tw: ptsd #*my fic

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feysandfeels · 3 years ago

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Sometimes I think of the trigger Lucien must have gotten when he saw Feyre die and Tamlin holding her crying. He probably made a parallel about what happened to him and Jesminda. I believe that's why he didn't help Feyre so hard in relation to Tamlin in the second book, because Tamlin got the opportunity he didn't get.

Of course there's every part of Tamlin being his High Lord and he owes him allegiance, but I believe his trauma has been addressed.

Of course, that's not an excuse, but I can't stop thinking about it.

Hiya Sugar, I know you asked me this like three weeks ago, sorry I'm just getting around to it.

So this mainly has two sides to understand first is what was happening to Lucien. Here we need to take into account his history of abuse at the hands of his family and Tamlin. The second is clearly how Feyre understood the situation from her own place of enunciation. Still I think this is one of those discussions in the fandom where you should tread lightly because I don't think either side is entirely wrong to feel what they felt and every argument has a well crafted response that is enlightening.

Lucien.

I think by this point denying that Lucien is a victim of abusive relationships that showcased their abuse not only physically but mentally and emotionally is just irresponsable and willful blindness. Lucien's family dynamic speaks of a toxic environment if I ever saw one. The Jesminda's death at the hands of his brothers and father is something that has left a scar as visible as the one across his eye. This is an experience that molds how he interacts with other people as friends, as romantic partners, and also how he understands romantic relationships that he is not involved in (Feyre and T*mlin).

From this angle, yes, UtM was extremely triggering for him because yet again he was placed in a situation where the loved one is killed and the other person "can't do much" about it (the quotation thingies are because T*mlin was being useless af here and he should have done more than just beg, Lucien's situation he was magically and physically restrained). He understands T*mlin's nightmares better than almost anyone, and as he told Feyre, T*mlin will never not hear the sound of her neck breaking. I do believe that if T*mlin had talked about this with Lucien, he might have dealt with the whole thing better.

We can't also ignore that Lucien carries a lot of guilt regarding Jesminda. He couldn't save her and seeing his friend die in a similar manner must have brought up his own traumas so its understandable that his full on attention might not have been spent towards understanding what Feyre was going through. We all are dealing with things and it's fair when you don't have the mental space to see what is happening to those around you, even when you are as observant as Lucien is. If your mind is not seeing, it doesn't matter if your golden eye sees it all. This guilt of not being there for the ones he loves (in any capacity) is also shown in WAR when he realizes better what happened to Feyre and he says something about being the villain in her story. As much of an Elucien fan that I am I do think that part of his reasoning for going to fetch the army was to make amends with Feyre. He felt guilty for not being there for her friend. (Yes he had a lot more to address on his plate, there's no doubt of that). In a way I do think he recognized that he could have done more.

On top of this we add that Lucien's relationship with T*mlin is based on a partly on the loyalty earned from saving him from his brothers. I think that it is not for nothing that in ACOSF Eris says that he's the one that sent word to T*mlin about what was happening to Lucien, which implies the existence of a friendship that predates the murder of Jesminda. This means that along with that loyalty there must be some old fashion good hearted feelings that nourish what we see as the friendship these two have. What I mean is that probably Lucien's vision of T*mlin is the friend he used to be way back when and the loyalty for offering a "home".

We don't know when exactly T*mlin started being abusive towards Lucien, but at least we can all agree that during ACOMAF he was. It wouldn't also be a stretch to think that in the pre-acotar days there might have been incidents of physical abuse, but so far we don't know for sure. There is a missing piece of information that we don't have yet because Lucien was more feisty during UtM when his life was at risk, than he was during MAF... this tells us a lot of how T*mlin was handling things with him.

There's also something to be said with how Lucien understood abuse. It's a heavy possibility that he perceived abuse like he saw it in the AC. He had a naturalized version of what abuse is, that for him w abuse looked like and felt like what he lived in the AC, so what he experienced with T*mlin pre-acotar did not seem to him as abuse (even when it was). And after Amarantha he began to understand the multiple faces of abuse and thus started to being afraid of T*mlin. Lucien could have also been dealing with the realization that a centuries old relationship had be tainted with abusive behaviors.

I do think that Lucien thought that he tried as hard as he could with the tools he had. But that does not mean that he shouldn't have done more. The problem is that Lucien didn't know he could. Like if he had fought with Tamlin for Feyre's sake where would he go then? Feyre had the option to go to the Night Court, Lucien did not. I like to believe that if he had known the truth about the NC before and had him and Feyre talked about it they would have said fuck you Tamlin, bye, black is the new spring. But he did not know. So he stayed on the comfortable zone of pushing but not jeopardizing his "home". You can hardly blame him for how he played the game when he did not know he was playing with one hand tied to his back.

I will not excuse though when he tried to grab her against her will during the woods. I understand that he was scared and desperate, but I still think that it was not right.

Feyre.

When I stand from a Feyre point of view there are two things that speak to me above all others. First she died for Tamlin and she bargained her life for his court -Lucien included- so I understand the she expected him to push and fight hard for her too. I know there's a quote about her recognizing that T*mlin had fought for her but that she had fought harder for him, and I think that can also suit her relationship with Lucien to an extend. I'm not saying that Lucien is like T*mlin, because no, not at all, not even in the least; but I do think she would have liked for her friend to fight for her well being like she fought for his during UtM.

Second it is hard to be see your friends still be friends with your abuser. Yes Feyre doesn't know all the variables that affect their relationship, the toxic loyalty that T*mlin saving Lucien created, the genuine friendship that was there before her and before Jesminda... but I understand the pain to see your friend not draw the lines for your sake.

This offers a beautiful arc for Lucien in the sense that only recently there has been a movement of "tell me if I'm friends with your abuser", and this awakening is a reality that a lot of people are facing. Is hard to untangle yourself from a person you have known for x amount of time, because you are trying to see the abusive person in the face you related to kindness or something not abusive. Again, we don't know how their relationship was pre-Feyre, perhaps Tamlin had been nothing but a sugary cupcake with Lucien and it's hard to associate that version of his friend to the version he is post Amarantha, the version that will physically abuse them; perhaps T*mlin had always been an ass but "the good outweighed those few instances of abusive behavior". What I'm trying to say is that sometimes it is hard to make a clean cut when the abuser turns out to be the person who saved you (from an even worse abuser but like you get what I mean).

I will not do him the disservice to say that he might not have connected the dots and thought that T*mlin's behavior was abusive towards Feyre. Even if he was just understanding how abuse can look like and even if he was reliving Jesminda's death I do think he could see that T*mlin's behavior was abusive towards Feyre (here I am making the distinction between reliving the trauma of having his love murdered and him recognizing abuse). Lucien is clever and intelligent. I think he did see what was happening, but that implied also a massive shift of reality for him that he was not prepared to see and did not have the tools to deal with, he was also struggling there.

Final thoughts.

I think Feyre is not wrong to feel a tad of distaste against Lucien through ACOMAF. Speaking from a personal experience it is quite sad and tough to see people who you conceived as friends not stand up to you when you are suffering at the hand of your S.O who happens to be their friend. It sucks a lot because you truly feel alone and you feel that at the end of the day they did not take care of you at the expense of taking care or helping or remaining on the good graces of your abuser.

But I think that simply condemning Lucien's actions during MAF without understanding the complicated history of abuse he has, is irresponsable. You are of course allowed to say that he is not fave and that it left a bad taste in your mouth, that's fair, but to condemn him the way I've seen this fandom do without an ounce of empathy or critical reading is just baffling (which to be quite frankly is also something I saw everybody after ACOSF with Rhysand, they condemned his actions without truly taking five second to understand the historical context of them).

Characters are allowed to make mistakes and are allowed to fall short in any given situation, because we as living creatures sometimes fall short in life. What's important to me is that Lucien is learning and when Feyre returned to the SC in WAR we could all see that he changed his approached towards the situation and was there for her. And also you will pry this off my hands but the fact that he is invited to their Solstice celebrations speaks of the state of their relationship right now, they are understanding of what the other is going through and I do think they are making amends and creating a friendship that acknowledges the mistakes they have both made towards the other one.

Yeah this was a long ramble.

Again, apologies it took me so long to answer

Long live Lucien and Feyre. I can't wait for them to grow closer.

#Lucien Vanserra #Feyre Archeron #ACOMAF #ACOWAR #ACOSF #FeysandfeelsAsk #mistakes will be corrected when I inevitably publish this and see them

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heyyy-hey-babyyy · 4 years ago

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When We Were Young (Part IV)

Dean x Fem!Reader; Sam x Fem!Reader (platonic)

Read part I here ; Read part II here ; Read part III here

Warnings: Angst, Mentions of trauma/abuse, brief moments of self-harm, mentions of anxiety attack, a little dirty (not quite smut, but a bit steamy).

Summary: Dean, Sam, and Y/N grew up together, but when she’s taken away for over 10 years, the boys have no idea what she’s been through. Will asking her to move into the bunker with them reveal more than she’s ready for?

2359 words

You tensed, anticipating the conclusion of the story and suddenly afraid of how Dean would react to what you were about to say. You took a deep breath before speaking.

“And when Greg opened the closet door and pulled back the blanket, I emptied the clip into his chest.”

It was deafening in the bedroom as you let the words you had never spoken out loud ring out and coat the empty spaces around you, never to be forgotten again. Dean hadn’t spoken, and you suddenly felt exhausted, reliving the darkest moment of your life. He still held you tight in his arms, but he was no longer comforting you, merely laying still as you pressed against his chest breathing him in. You couldn’t decide if you were worried for his reaction, or if you were relishing in the silence and warmth of his hold, but either way you were becoming anxious the longer he didn’t speak.

Dean cleared his throat lightly, and you chanced glancing up at him. He wasn’t looking directly at you, but seemed to be lost in a memory for the moment. You curled back into his chest, and he tightened his hold, before you heard his voice, gruff from not being used.

“When I was maybe, I don’t know, thirteen, fourteen, I killed my first vampire. She was young and dad decided I was old enough to go head to head with her because we were roughly the same size.” He huffed out a brief laugh. “Looking back it seems really messed up, but I was itching to get more into the hunt and this became the only way for me to prove it to my father.” He stopped, and it was your turn to try to comfort him, reaching up to run your fingers across his shoulders and you felt him relax a bit, letting out a deep breath he must have been holding.

“Anyway, I took out the vamp no problem, and remember dad clapping me on the back, but I couldn’t take my eyes off of the vamp’s head. She hadn’t even barred fangs, and honestly looked just like a normal teenage girl, but one that I had just beheaded.” You continued lightly massaging his shoulders as you took comfort in the rumble of his voice against your cheek. “The image haunted me for weeks and after I woke dad up one night screaming in my sleep he sat down with me and instead of giving me the ‘she’s a monster, get over it’ talk he said something that I think about often.” Dean seemed to be completely lost in thought, and though you weren’t sure why he was telling you this, you listened intently, like he had just done for you.

“He told me, ‘Dean, she was doing bad things. Yes, she was young, but sometimes people can’t come back from tasting a little bit of the darkness.’”

You stopped moving your hands and he pulled you softly away from his chest and you looked into bright green eyes that seemed to glow in the dark.

“Y/N.” He began, his tone growing serious. You shrunk back a little against his hold, afraid of what he was about to say. “Hey,” he softened, pulling you closer again so he could rub his hands up and down your arms. “Look at me.” You glanced back into his eyes as he continued speaking. “Some people can’t come back from the darkness.”

Dean made everything seem so easy, and for a second you believed him. Perhaps you really could stop drowning in the guilt of what you did. But you shook your head at him with finality breaking your eye contact. You could never be forgiven for taking another human’s life. And you had too many secrets to ever live life like a normal person. Way too many skeletons in the closet. In that moment you felt profound guilt and sadness at the direction of your life. Sure, you were now in the arms of the man you had been in love with since before you even knew what love was, but he didn’t know anything about your life now.

Dean saw the way you were reacting to his words. The way your mind was taking you from hope to guilt to sadness to absolute dread. He knew you thought you could hide from him, but he spent the better part of his childhood learning how to read the nerdy short girl who sometimes hung out with him at Bobby’s. And he could still read you like a book.

“Hey, stop avoiding me, and look at me.” He said it with the tone that didn’t leave room for argument and you glanced up slowly. “You did what you had to do to protect yourself. That’s what your dad, my dad, and Bobby always taught us. Remember, ‘shoot first and ask questions later.’“ He smiled at you softly and you couldn’t help but smile back, feeling the memory pull at you.

When you found yourself alone with Dean on endless nights when you were younger, waiting for your dad’s to return, you used to come up with outrageous situations that you both could maybe find yourselves in and the other would respond simply with ‘shoot first. Ask questions later.’ It was stupid and bordering on morbid, but it always made you laugh, and Dean would stare at you until your fits of giggles stopped. In those moments, you always felt like maybe Dean felt for you just as much as you felt for him. But you were just his friend who he would hang out with at Bobby’s. Not girlfriend material. And you were taken from the boys young anyway, shattering any hope of what could have been. And Greg successfully shattered any hope of you being comfortable with another human being.

Dean saw it happening again. The way you went from joy to guilt to sadness to dread. It broke his heart to not know what was happening in your head. Whatever you were telling yourself to give you such a hopeless look. He wanted more than anything to take away your pain, but he had no idea where to even start.

You coughed lightly, pulling away from his arms. “Uh, can we just go to bed, Dean? I’m tired and,” you stopped glancing at his bedside clock, “it’s nearly 4:00am.” He nodded softly, and you turned away in the opposite direction, pulling the comforter up to your chin, though you weren’t even remotely tired. You were too stuck in your own head, imagining what could have been if you hadn’t been taken away all those years ago. You were never one for coulda woulda shoulda, but laying this close to Dean had you feeling all kinds of ways and it was hard not to want so much of what you couldn’t have. You had been laying silent for a few moments, when you felt Dean shift slightly.

“Hey,” he whispered, gauging if you were asleep. You turned your head back toward him, glancing into his eyes. “Uh,” he looked awkward and it made you smile. “Would it be okay, if I held you, Y/N? Just for tonight.” You were a bit shocked by his question, being that you had just been thinking about him, but you nodded, realizing quickly how much you wanted him close again. You turned back to your side away from him, and felt one arm snake under your head laying against the pillow, and the other crawl across your waist pulling you flush against him. He sighed contentedly, and you allowed yourself to breath normally, even though your body was trembling slightly and your breathing was a little erratic.

Being this close to him, it was impossible to hide the way your body was reacting, and you felt him pull away from you a bit, but you grabbed his arm and placed it on your hip again. This is what you wanted. It’s Dean. He would never hurt you. You told yourself over and over to calm you racing heart. Besides, Greg never cuddled with you.

“Are you sure you’re alright, baby?” Dean whispered, his breath tickling the hair by your ear, making your body tense up again. But you nodded placing your hand on his on your hip, and moving it further down your stomach. Dean let you guide his hand and when it landed in a comfortable place, you proceeded to run your fingers up and down his arm. A memory of Dean flashed across your eyes as you did this.

You were playing some racing game that you were horrible at and he knew it, so of course he wanted to place a bet. You were no punk, so you agreed, sitting up a bit straighter as the cars raced around the tracks for their practice run before you pressed the start button.

“If I win,” you started, pulling your bottom lip between your teeth in thought. “I get to ride in the front seat of the Impala the next time John takes us into town!” You didn’t really care about riding up front, but you knew it drove Dean insane to be in the back, and if you were up front you could play Dixie Chicks and Dean would have to shut up about it.

He sighed dramatically, but agreed. “Okay, then if I win...” He trailed off trying to look deep in thought, but you knew him better than that. He was embarrassed, and you got serious thinking ‘what could he possibly be embarrassed to ask for?’

“If I win, I want you to do that arm scratching thing you do when you’re nervous, to distract yourself... I love that.” You stared at him stupidly in response, but nodded anyway. You always thought he thought that was annoying when you’d be watching a horror movie and you’d grab his arm and move your fingers up and down the smooth skin as a distraction. You hated the feeling yourself, but he never stopped you, so you figured he was just humoring you.

Dean shrugged like it was no big deal and nodded back, looking toward the game, knowing he was going to win, and smiling to himself.

You kept moving up and down his arm and Dean sighed into your hair. “I love this.” He whispered softly, almost as if he didn’t mean to. You smiled nodding that you knew. Dean leaned his head down to rest on your shoulder and he lightly kissed the open patch of skin on your collar bone, losing himself for a moment. You breathed out a little in surprise, and he felt you tense, moving his head back. “Sorry.” He whispered quickly, but you shook your head in response.

“I liked it...” You whispered back, moving your hand to entangle your fingers with his on your waist, and he pulled you closer gripping you to him. His head returned and he placed another chaste kiss against your neck making goosebumps appear across your skin. He nuzzled into your neck lightly and you giggled involuntarily, nervous suddenly and he placed another kiss against your collarbone before speaking.

“It broke my heart to let you leave...” He trailed off, lost in thought as you took in his words. “I begged my dad for months to take you back, but we couldn’t find you. It was like the system ate you up. I’m so sorry, baby. I should have saved you.” You shook your head at his last words, not wanting any of this to be his fault. Besides, after Greg, you didn’t want to be found. You wanted to tell him it wasn’t his fault and that you had disappeared for years after the shooting, but he released your hand suddenly, moving his hand back over your stomach. Your shirt had rode up a bit and you felt the pads of Dean’s fingers glide smoothly across your exposed skin. You had never been touched so gently, and though it brought up feelings you hadn’t felt in years, you knew Dean wasn’t pressuring you into anything, but rather comforting you and letting you know you are wanted. The thought made you choke up, and Dean held you close to him.

“Lets sleep. We can talk more tomorrow.” You nodded, and snuggled closer, relaxing as Dean’s fingers danced across your skin, and the sound of him humming “Let it Be” lightly into your ear soothed you into a dreamless sleep.

---------------------------

It was well after noon and you were still fast asleep. Dean had pulled away from you gently around 9:00am and was returning now to check on you. He pulled the door closed, leaving it open a crack so he could hear if you called for him, when Sam came up next to him.

“Hey,” He whispered. “How is she? How did last night go?”

Dean put a finger to his lips and motioned for his brother to follow him into the bathroom across the hall. He closed the door and sat down with a huff on the toilet seat, Sam perching on the side of the bathtub.

It took a few seconds for Dean to decide what he wanted to tell Sam, but his brother was ever patient waiting for Dean to say what he needed to.

“Some awful stuff happened to her when she was taken into foster care after her dad died, Sammy...” Sam nodded looking up at his brother, remembering how chaotic things were after the social worker barged into Bobby’s house and took you out screaming for Dean along the way. Dean refused to stop looking for you and it was almost a year later when he finally resigned to returning to hunt with his dad and taking care of Sam again.

Dean slammed his hand down loudly on the sink, and pulled it back quickly, straining to hear if he woke you. He didn’t hear anything so he turned back to Sam confessing what was weighing deep on his soul.

“I don’t know what to do.” He stated simply.

Sam narrowed his eyes in confusion. “What do you mean?” Dean looked up at him with sorrow in his eyes.

“I love her, Sammy.”

Read part V here.

When We Were Young Tag list: @vicmc624

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bluenet13 · 3 years ago

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Hay Amor en Todas Partes (Part 2/2)

Written for @badthingshappenbingo

Fandom: 9-1-1: Lone Star

Characters: T.K. Strand, Carlos Reyes, Firehouse 126 Crew (basically everyone is here)

Prompt: Losing Their Temper

Summary: After a night out, Carlos and TK encounter two men with nothing good to say. When tempers flare, punches fly, chaos ensues, and two become six, leaving Carlos and TK at their mercy.

Chapter 1

Links: ff.net - AO3

Judd and Grace were tangled together on the couch watching a movie when Judd's phone rang. Frowning, he grabbed it and looked at Grace in confusion, showing her the name on the screen. Confusion on both their faces, because sure, both Judd and Grace were friends with the officer but he rarely called them.

"Reyes?" Judd said, instantly putting the call on speaker. "Carlos, you there? TK?"

A grunt could be heard from the other end and the couple shared a puzzled look. "Is this some kind of joke?" Judd asked, managing to sound only mildly exasperated.

"Should we call TK?" Grace inquired, moving to her phone already.

Hearing another groan, and shuffling on the other side, Judd's features twisted to mild disgust. "Do you think they… are they-?" Judd cut himself short, shaking his head, not even wanting to think about what he could be hearing, and moved to end the call.

"Judson, wait," Grace directed, her hand coming to rest over his. "Turn the volume all the way up. I don't think this is an accidental call." And never one to question his wife, Judd did as directed.

While Judd spent his days saving lives in the physical world, Grace spent hers helping people through a phone, and nobody was better at her job than her. So now, she closed her eyes and listened. Opening them again and looking at her husband with horror in her eyes as soon as they both recognized the distinct sound of fists and feet connecting with a body, and various accompanying pained gasps and grunts.

"Carlos what the hell is going on? Where are you? We're coming to help," Judd screamed into the phone, but no response came. Then a gruff voice softly spoke, but it sounded far away so they could only make out the word 'alley'.

"Grace, call 9-1-1. Then call the crew, I want to stay on the line with Carlos," Judd directed, turning to his wife, even as he ran to their room to get a jacket and some shoes. "And don't bother calling TK, I'm sure whatever is happening they're together."

When Judd came back to the living room, Grace was already standing by the door, dressed and ready to go, keys already in her hand and phone pressed to her ear.

"Where do you think you're going?" Judd breathed out.

"To help. TK might be your teammate, but he and Carlos are my friends too. Let's go," Grace left no room for argument, and opened the door, not waiting for Judd to follow, just knowing that he would.

And so he did.

-x-x-x-

Carlos Reyes has always known he would die alone. It was a fact he had accepted the very day he enrolled in the police academy. And he had made peace with that notion, even if he wasn't fond of the idea. But right now, he cursed inwardly, because he had much rather die alone than face the possibility of TK dying alongside him, or even worse, instead of him.

TK Strand had almost died more than a few times, and long ago he had already questioned and accepted his own mortality, but he had never made peace with the idea of losing people close to him. And there was no one he wanted to lose less than Carlos Reyes, so right now, he stilled his nerves and told himself he would welcome death like an old friend, hoping destiny would see it as an invitation and chose to take him instead.

When the shot ran out, TK and Carlos both flinched. Hands unclasping as they both waited for the pain. Eyes going simultaneously wide as they reached the same conclusion when none came. Both, cop and paramedic, were too scared to turn around to their boyfriend and what they would find there, so instead they just closed their eyes and waited. Until the sounds of sirens gave them the little push they needed to continue being brave and turn to each other.

Simultaneous smiles reached their lips as they saw the other one was okay, and Carlos and TK collapsed in an embrace. Holding each other up, both hanging on for dear life.

Footsteps coming close broke the hug, and Carlos and TK fumbled and stumbled as they both tried to push the other behind. Neither sure of the upcoming threat, just focused on protecting their boyfriend. But the attempt was unnecessary because they were finally safe.

Aaron laid on the ground in front of them, blood pouring out from a sniper round to his head, and the other five men had disappeared, but most likely were currently being rounded by APD, if the blinking red and blue lights in every direction were any indication.

"Are you guys okay?" Marjan asked first.

"What the hell happened?" Judd added not a second later.

"Paramedics are on route," Grace directed, phone still pressed to her ear.

"Come on let us help you," Paul offered, holding out his hand.

"You both look like hell," Mateo said, because he just couldn't help himself.

TK and Carlos looked up and away from Aaron's body, to see their friends, their family, surrounding them. Everyone was there, Judd, Grace, Paul, Marjan, Mateo, even Nancy. All looking nervous and sounding more than a little bit breathless.

"What? Uh? How?" TK fumbled with the words, staring at the group with wide and still slightly frantic green eyes. "How did you find us?" He finally managed to whisper.

"You have to thank your boy over there," Judd drawled, his hands closed into fists at his sides.

Turning to Carlos, TK raised his eyebrows in a silent question.

"When, when they were focused on you, I took out my phone and tried to contact Judd. I couldn't send a message so I just left the call open. I thought of calling 9-1-1 but you never know who's going to get that call and if they're going to take something like this seriously. Besides, I already knew where the best operator in town was," Carlos explained, smiling shyly at Grace. "But I wasn't sure it had even worked. Sean was standing over me and I couldn't see the screen well," Carlos finished with a breathy laugh, one of pure relief.

"It worked, alright," Judd said proudly, "but what the hell happened?"

Both Carlos and TK deflated at that, neither wanting to relive the experience. But their friends deserved to know, especially because they had all paused their lives to be here, so they took turns telling the story. From the moment they left the bar until just now when the 126 rescued them from almost certain death.

"Bastards," Paul hissed, eyes darkened.

"I would kill him myself if he wasn't already dead," Judd mumbled, staring at Aaron's lifeless body, and only managed to look slightly regretful when Grace whispered a stern 'Judson'.

"I hope the other five rot in prison," Nancy said under her breath, and everyone else nodded.

"Damn, that sucks, dude. That's why you shouldn't go out without adult supervision," Mateo teased lightly.

"Not that you are that much of an adult, probie. But you're right. No more bars or nightclubs unless the crew is there," Marjan added with finality.

Still shaken and in pain, Carlos and TK couldn't help but laugh because their friends were truly something. But they wouldn't have it any other way.

"Can we go home, baby?" TK asked after a moment of silence, turning to his boyfriend.

"Yeah, we can," Carlos whispered, pushing TK's hair back and kissing him on the forehead, where a bruise was already forming.

"Uh no, you're both going to the hospital," Judd interjected.

"But -" Both TK and Carlos tried to say.

"No buts, if it was only one of you that was hurt, we all know the other one wouldn't have it any other way. So no arguing now, and just do as we say," Paul said, leaving no room for argument.

TK just pouted and tried to give the team his best puppy eyes but they were seemingly immune to his charm by now because they all shook their heads and turned around.

"Come on, Ty. We can make a date out of it," Carlos offered, groaning as he lifted himself from the ground and extended his hand to TK.

Taking it, TK kissed Carlos' bruised knuckles and mouthed a silent 'thank you'. Then let himself be pulled off the ground as they walked to the waiting ambulance, their weight supported in between Judd and Paul, the rest of the crew instinctively moving to surround them from all sides, enclosing the couple in a protective circle.

-x-x-x-

The next few hours were spent in the ER, both TK and Carlos going for countless x-rays, and scans. But in the end, their injuries were deemed to be painful and bothersome, but not life threatening. So when it was nearing 5 in the morning, they were finally discharged with clear instructions to take it easy, rest for the next few days, and come back if any of their symptoms or injuries worsened.

"Ready to go home?" Carlos asked TK as he helped him close the bottoms on his shirt. Thankful the team had brought them clean clothes so they didn't have to wear the bloody and dirty ones.

"I have never been more ready," TK said sincerely, pushing Carlos' hand away. "But, I'm not the one with three cracked ribs, I can dress myself."

"Yeah, but you're the one with two broken fingers, and a sprained wrist," Carlos said matter-of-factly.

"Can we stop comparing scars and get the hell out of here?" Paul deadpanned from the door, then turned around to shout something towards the waiting room. "They're decent guys, you're good to come in."

Carlos blushed and TK rolled his eyes, parting his lips to say something, but his attempt was interrupted as the rest of the 126 came into the room. Conversation flowing easily as if they had all been together in the room for the past few hours.

"Besides, I think we can all agree you both look like hell," Marjan added helpfully, the rest of the team nodding their agreement. Their words teasing, but their eyes betraying the concern and anger they were all feeling.

"What are you guys still doing here?" TK asked, ignoring their jokes, because he had already looked at himself in the mirror, and knew exactly how he looked.

"It's been hours, you should have gone home," Carlos agreed.

"Did you guys really think we would leave you alone after what happened?" Paul asked incredulously.

"Yes?" TK shrugged, but smiled at them anyways. "There's these helpful apps called Uber or Lyft if you guys didn't know, we would have called one."

"Dude, what's the point of having friends if you have to rideshare home from the hospital?" Mateo said softly, then looked uncomfortable when all eyes turned to him.

"Probie is right," Marjan said with a smile, clapping Mateo on the shoulder, "you guys are family and family don't let each other take an Uber from the hospital."

"Much less after getting the crap beat out of you by racist and homophobic assholes," Paul added under his breath, looking ready to murder someone if he could get his hands on any of the six men who attacked his friends.

"What's taking so long?" Judd popped his head inside the room, cutting all conversation short. "Come on, let's go. Tommy and Owen will meet us at your house."

Hearing his dad's name TK groaned and silently wondered if it was too late to ask his doctor to admit him for the night. Carlos picked up on his anxiety, and took his hand and squeezed softly.

"Did you really have to call him?" TK couldn't help but ask, "tonight, I mean. Couldn't you have waited until tomorrow?" He amended after everyone glared at him.

"Of course we had, we didn't all want to lose our jobs," Marjan said with a shrug, trying to sound nonchalant but failing miserably. Everyone was rattled, and no one was doing a good job of hiding it.

"At least this time it really wasn't your fault that you got hurt, so maybe Cap will take it better," Mateo offered, but even he sounded like he didn't believe his words.

"Or he might just finally decide to bubble wrap TK so he stops getting hurt," Nancy proposed, "I know Tommy and I were talking about it after the whole kidnapping incident."

"That actually sounds like a great idea," Carlos perked up at that.

"Shut up, Reyes, you're in the hospital too," TK mumbled.

"Behave boys," Grace said softly, in her best 9-1-1 dispatcher tone, calm and collected but firm in her opinion. "You know Captain Strand worries about you, TK. We waited to call him and Tommy after we knew more of what was happening, but we did after the doctor spoke to us. If it was the other way around and Owen was hurt, you would have wanted us to call you too."

"Thanks, Grace," Carlos breathed out, while TK only nodded, "actually, thank you all. We don't know what would have happened if you hadn't shown up with half the cops in the city." He did know, but he didn't want to voice those words. Instead choosing to end with his attempt at a joke.

"No need to thank us," Nancy said, stepping from the back of the room for the first time, "took me long enough to break Strand in after the last fiasco and parade of potential paramedics. I just can't deal with a new partner. And I'm sure your partner feels the same, Reyes."

Everyone laughed at that, but it never reached their eyes. T.K. and Carlos were okay now, but the events of the night would remain with them for some time. For now, the crew would just be there for their friends in whatever way they needed, and hope their love was enough to chase away any memories of what Aaron and his men had said and done.

-x-x-x-

Reaching their house a half hour later, Carlos and TK stepped out of Marjan's car with a groan, awkwardly leaning against the door and each other as they tried to steady themselves. Quickly getting out of his truck and the Camaro, respectively, Judd, and Paul ran to their friends, each setting one of their arms over their shoulders as they helped them to the front door.

Reaching the porch, Carlos smiled and TK groaned as Tommy, Owen, Gabriel and Andrea came into view, all of them instantly crowding the boys, fussing over them, asking questions, and offering to help. But thankfully, Paul took pity on them and respectfully pushed everyone away, sharing the doctor's words and reminding all their friends and family that Carlos and TK needed to rest.

As soon as they made it inside their home, they collapsed on the couch, both in pain but content to be in each other's arms and surrounded by their families and best friends. Once they were all settled around the living room, Owen handed them their prescriptions with two bottles of water, staying in front of them for an extra second as he looked them up and down. Seemingly satisfied with what he found, Owen nodded, squeezed both Carlos and TK's shoulders and stepped away. But visual confirmation wasn't enough for Tommy and Nancy as they insisted on checking the boys over, for their own benefit and mental peace. Gabriel and Andrea, for their part, went straight to the kitchen, setting bags on the counter and containers on the fridge. When they came back into the room, Carlos thanked his parents and hugged them both, silently wondering when his mother even had time to cook all that or if maybe she just had a stack of comfort food lying around on the fridge ready to go next time disaster struck.

Everyone then shared some small talk before they all left the house an hour later. The crew promising to be back on their next day off so they could play some video games or board games, while Owen and Andrea offered to return the next morning to make sure they were alright and help them around the house, and Gabriel vowed to get the Rangers on the case so these men could never attack or harass anyone ever again.

-x-x-x-

"Are you okay?" Carlos asked eventually, once they were finally alone in their bedroom, both just wearing boxers and a towel over their shoulders as they continued to air dry their damp bodies.

"Not really," TK said honestly, head tilting sideways as he looked at Carlos thoughtfully. The shower had helped, but it hadn't been enough to erase all the fears and worries after the night they just had. "But I will be. What about you?"

"Pretty much the same, but mostly just worried about you," Carlos admitted softly, fingers carding through TK's hair as Carlos stepped in between his legs, while TK sat on the bed.

"Why? I didn't go through this alone. It didn't just happen to me," TK explained, moving his hands to Carlos' hips and pulling him closer.

"Yeah, but I feel like it's my job to protect you. And I failed at it," Carlos said simply, eyes darkening as he felt the plastic splint on TK's wrist brush against his skin.

"Why, because you're a cop?" TK wondered.

"Because I'm your boyfriend."

"And I'm yours," TK said easily, "so that means we protect each other."

Carlos nodded, but still looked unconvinced.

"I'm a big boy, Carlos. I can handle some homophobic and racist assholes," TK tried next.

"But you shouldn't have to," Carlos whispered. His fingers now softly running over the bruise on TK's temple.

"And you shouldn't either. No one deserves something like this. But, sadly, these things happen," TK said with a shrug. "And I know that doesn't make it better, but it's just the way it is."

"It sucks." Carlos sighed, because it did and there was nothing else to say.

"It sure does. But we will be okay. We just need to go about this like we do everything else, we handle it together and move forward as a team. No need for you to take the weight of the world on your shoulders alone. Not when you have someone to bear it with you." TK moved his hands from Carlos' hips to his back, softly running his fingers over the tense spots and knots around his boyfriend's shoulder blades. It was a bit awkward with broken fingers and a splint, but like everything, they made it work.

Carlos hummed his agreement and closed his eyes, taking a moment to enjoy the comfort his boyfriend was so graciously gifting him, even when he was hurt too. After a few minutes, Carlos opened his eyes again, instantly getting lost in the green of TK's gaze, and his body naturally leaned forward. TK easily met him in the middle, their lips connecting in a sweet kiss.

TK's hands left Carlos' back to wrap around his body, pulling him closer as they slowly deepened the kiss. Lips parting in simultaneous invitations, but the moment was short lived as TK hugged a little too hard and Carlos groaned against his lips. His injured ribs protesting the movement even when his heart leaped in his chest.

"You're hurt," TK breathed out, stepping out of his boyfriend's space and limping to the bathroom, a smile gracing his face after hearing Carlos' little whimper at the loss of contact. "Lie down," he directed when he returned a minute later, supplies in hand.

Carlos raised an eyebrow and chuckled. "I would love nothing more but I think we're in no physical condition for that."

"Ha, ha." TK waved the bottle of 'Arnicare' in his hand, before pointing to the bed.

Carlos nodded and carefully sat on the bed. Then took a few steadying breaths before he fell back on the mattress. Barely suppressed grunts and a wince escaping as the movement pulled at his tired and sore muscles.

Moving forward TK put some of the cream on Carlos' abdomen and began rubbing softly, mindful of the broken ribs and bruises that were already visible on his skin. "Just relax," TK said softly, feeling Carlos tense under his touch. "I won't hurt you."

"I know," Carlos said honestly. TK could never, would never. But the memories of what happened at the bar were still fresh on his mind. So, he moved his hand to TK and set his palm over his thigh. And only then could he really relax. His heart needing the physical connection as much as the sight of his boyfriend standing in front of him.

When TK finished with the cream, he wiped his hands on the towel and left the room. Returning soon after with two ice packs, one which he set over the worst of the purple coloring his boyfriend's skin, and the other one over his own temple. He then turned off the lights and climbed into his side of the bed.

Wordlessly, Carlos shuffled closer and set his hand over his boyfriend's chest, letting the steady beat of TK's heart ground him and calm his own. "Thank you," he whispered eventually, hoping the simple message conveyed more than just gratitude. He wanted it to mean 'I love you', 'if I had to go through this I'm glad it is with you', 'I'm sorry you had to hear those things and get hurt', and so much more. But his words were failing him tonight, so he settled for the two words that would always be true.

"Anytime," TK mumbled, voice laced with sleep. "But Carlos, promise me one thing?"

"Anything," Carlos offered easily.

"Next time this happens, because we both know it likely will," he began, but quickly backtracked, "I hope not the beating part, but the insults. Promise me that when, if, it happens again, you won't try to defend my honor." His words were serious, but Carlos sensed the smile that was on his lips. "You looked damn hot when you punched the bastard on the face, but -"

Carlos chuckled at that, knowing that losing his temper had only made things worse, even when he had done his best to keep TK under control. But still, he promised nothing. Because as certain as he was that something like that could happen again, he was also confident that he would always defend TK. From homophobic and racist men, or anything else that threatened his boyfriend. And TK seemed to know and understand because he didn't press the issue any further. Mostly because he would do the same thing. Anytime and any day.

"But thank you," TK did say, his hand seeking Carlos' and intertwining their fingers together, before he moved it to his lips and pressed a kiss over his knuckles.

"Anytime, and always," Carlos echoed his boyfriend, before ending on a promise of his own. Then he inhaled a deep breath, taking it all in. "I love you, Ty." The words flowing more easily this time.

"Love you, too."

The previous night might not have gone like they expected, but they had made it through. And now Carlos and TK simply continued to bask in their love. Because love could take many shapes and forms, and it sometimes happened in bed after a night of dancing at the bar, but other times it just entailed taking care of one another, and shared bruise cream and ice packs.

Snuggled against each other, and content, TK and Carlos eventually fell asleep. Because even when the world was at its darkest, the actions of their friends, families and each other had shown them that there was still love everywhere around them. Most people just had to look hard enough to find it, but for Carlos and TK finding it would always be the easy part. Since their love was a simple fact, a constant, and a reality that was as true as breathing.

#911 lone star #911 lone star fanfiction #tk strand #carlos reyes #tarlos #bad things happen bingo #tw homophobic slurs #tw racial slur

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smallstoriesiwrite · 3 years ago

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The Dragon and her Knight

a/n: before I start this. This will be my first time writing a short story that I thought of. So please help with feedback!as well! its very long! its been awhile since i wrote something like years so please bear with me! remember yall are loved!

Tenya x Female!reader

“We will be family day tomorrow remember tell all your family to come so we can all get to know each other.” Aizawa said

All the class groans

“Hey I'm just the messenger. Principle Nezu requested it for Class 1-A. So please bring your families. And I understand if some can’t make it. But please request they come. Okay class is over for today. Remember to call to see if they are coming and that it’s all day. Class dismiss”

Everyone started packing up when Shoji approached Y/N.

“Hey y/n you excited for tomorrow?”

“Honestly Sho I am. You will get to see my 3 older siblings and my parents again! They are always so busy with the agency we never see eachother.my father is even taking the day off.”

“That’s amazing! I would love to meet your parents again!”

You smile remembering how Shoji met your parents when you fell ill during Flu season and your family came and visited you while Shoji took care of you.

While walking towards the door someone bumped into you hard as you fell to the floor.

“Y/N?! Are you okay?” Shoji asked while helping you up

“Yeah Im fine sho now who the fuck bumped into me that hard ?”

“I must have not seen you there L/N. I figured because you're not up to my level?” Iida said.

“Guess who still hasn't learned how to fix that cursing problem you have L/N? Even as kids you used to curse like a sailor. You really have no manners do you?”

Smirking you said

“I may have a cursing problem Iida. But god knows I don’t have a stick up my ass now do I? And from what I hear you're just mad from your actions.”

“Now why would I be mad?”

“My family is all coming tomorrow and your precious rich daddy can’t take a day off of work now could he?” You say tauntingly

“For your information all my family is coming along tomorrow as well. Even my brother.”

“Ah the laid back Iida is coming too! Wow must be an accomplishment?! Here let me give you the pity award” You say sarcastically

Tenya growled and walked away while saying

“See your family tomorrow L/N. Tomorrow will be an interesting day.”

You rolled your eyes and walked to your dorm with Shoji.

“Tell me why again you and Tenya are always at each other’s throats about y’all’s family’s? “ Shoji says

“You see love. Me and Iida grew up together and were the best of friends. We did everything together from helping both of our older brothers with their suits to eating family dinners together. “ you say while arriving at your dorm and unlocking it

“Our older brothers were best of friends and so did my sister and brother got along with Iidas older brother. We were always neck in neck in school and Quirk power. Until one day my older brother Kyo (I’m just gonna name the siblings and if that’s your name I’m so sorry😭) was top of his class and was beating Iidas brother in both hero work and school wise. It was never more than a friendly rivalry between them but our families took it seriously. Iidas family found out that Kyo was excelling faster than Tensie. And surely enough my brother graduated top of his class and knowing how to control his quirk.”

Going into your dorm you set your backpack down and Shoji did the same. Starting to change into normal clothes while shoji did as well. It was so common for shoji left clothes because he always slept over.

While changing you continued

“So when graduation came along both of our families decided to have dinner with each other before having our own big parties separately. While eating dinner at Kyos and Tensies favorite restaurant our families started to compare our brother's work and every time they tried to one up each other until finally Iidas' family said “You know what? Our sons don’t need to hang out with your kind. We are better than you all and our Agency and money proves it. You don’t have enough money to raise 4 Children! Ha you guys are low lives we will never associate with again.” According to Kyo, Athena and Laxus

Tensie defended us and tried to apologize but it didn’t slide with my parents. We left and ever since we have been rivals. We were never the richest like them. We worked for our big agency. My father and Kyo run the Agency.

It has been a rivalry between us as well. That’s why I study for long hours and as well practice my Quirk with Kyo Athena and Laxus when they come around to visit or present. They all graduated top number one. I want to do that as well.

Iida is just a reminder from my past that tamiles like them exist. They are born into riches while we work for ours. I can never forgive his family for what they said to mine. You know how much I love them. My family is everything to me. We might have arguments and disagreements about my future and the agency but at the end of the day they are my headache to deal with and honestly I don’t mind.” You say smiling and looking at Shoji

“But you do remember that time you lost a dare and kissed Tenya that one night I thought for sure you were over this rivalry. I swear every time I bring it up-“

You cut him off by throwing a pillow at him

“STOPPPPPP WE DON'T TALK ABOUT IT! IT WAS A STUPID DARE IT MEANT NOTHING!!!”

He laughs and says

“SUREEEE you came back a squealing mess and so unsure of your feelings that night to my room.”

I sighed and looked at the grown

“You know I can’t love him. My family wouldn’t approve and you know they are my world.”

“But n/n you need to realize that it’s your future. And your love. You love him don’t you.”

Sadly nodding

“I do. But he hates me. He doesn’t see me as a potential lover. He sees me as a rival he needs to crush because his family says so. My family wanted me to have that mentality as well. But for the love of fuck we held hands growing up and he gave me flowers because he thought it would go pretty un my hair.”

You say while walking to a small box of memories and pulling up photos of Tenya and you as children and dried flowers you pressed.

“I’ll just love from afar Sho.”

He nods and pulls you into a warm hug.

“Remember bestie I’m here for you. Anytime anywhere and if I have to knock some sense into Iida when he’s mean to you. Even if I don’t like hitting my classmates I will do it for you.”

Hugging tighter you said

“Thank you really bestie thank you.”

“Now let’s get to studying. We need to review for next week's test. But we can listen to music and dance around as well.” You said smiling while pulling away from the hug

Shoji nods and grabs his work while you turn up the music.

——time skip to next day brought to you by my raging headache and wanting to eat as well my spelling errors———————-

“Hey y’all made it!” You said running towards your family

“Hell yeah we did we miss your stupid face!” Laxus said while hugging you

“Haha I miss your dumb face as well.”

You said while pulling away from the hug

“Hi mom hi dad “ you said smiling and hugging both

“Hi my love, how are you? Are you eating well? Not forcing yourself too much are you? And Shoji, where is he?” Mom said in a hurry

“Women, she will never understand you. Calm down, I'm sure they are fine. Right love?” Dad says

“Yes dad I am, don't worry mom I’m okay I’m healthy and breathing no I’m not giving myself too much and Shoji is just with his parents In his room before we meet up in class for the activities.” I say while looking over to see Athena and Kyo walking our way.

“Tell me again you sleep deprived child why are we here again? Family day was eject a thing back when we went to school” Kyo said while leaning into a hug

“Nice to see you too Kyo and I don’t know honestly. Guess to get closer. Dawg we've been through so much shit together as a class I think In principle eyes we need to like to know each other on a deep level I guess.” You say while pulling away

“Well beats me honestly it gives us time to relax with you and spend time with our small child we raised now come here and give your sister a hug.” Athena said while giving you a bone crushing hug

“Look at her now she was Bitching the whole way saying she was hungry and didn’t want to relive her U.A. memories. Now she’s hugging you.” Kyo said while wrapping his arm around Laxus.

We all laughed when we heard

“I see you still have a cursing problem L/N. You haven’t changed since U.A.” Tenie said

“Well you see Engine arms we love to keep it real with the family and no filter who do we need to please with our manners? Now you can just simply ignore our “vulgar language”now can you?” Kyo said tauntingly

There was a dead silent between them when Tensie said

“I’m just fucking with you Kyo. How you been, haven’t seen you in months brother.” Tensie said while hugging Kyo laughing.

“I’ve been good! traveling to America for hero work and Singapore. How are you?”

“Even since the accident I’ve been in my wheelchair but I’m still helloing the old man with work at the agency. Mister and Misses L/n hope you guys are well. “ Tensie said

My parents simply nodded there head with a straight face

“The Devil Dragon herself. How are controlling your powers going?” Tensie said to me

“I’ve gotten better. Athena has shown me ways to control them better and so has Laxus and Kyo at times.”

“Now that’s good! I say take better points from Athena. They don’t give her that name for nothing. Now do they?” Tensie says flirty to Athena like who simply rolled her eyes and said

“ in your dreams Iida” while smirking

“Ah so I’ll dream of it tonight.” Tensie said and laughed

Which left Athena a blushing mess

Before Tensie can talk again I hear

“Son, why did you wander off again?! We told you to meet us at the Classroom.” Mister Iida said while approaching us

“Yeah Tensie, we thought you got lost?” Tenya said as well

“I'm a fine father. I was just saying hello to Kyo and his family. And how could I get lost Tenya I came here to school. I can only go so far with my wheelchair.” Tensie said

Our family locked eyes and said

“Ah The L/N family I’m so surprised they let you children come to this school after your first son.” Mister Iida said

“Well I have you know Iida, my daughter and Son graduated top number one in their class as well. And our last daughter is not too far behind. I hear from Eraser that she’s number one in her class. And her Quirk is more lasting and controlling than anyone’s” my father said while stepping up

“You see Tenya isn’t too far behind and I’m positive he will beat your daughter. And her devil form.” Mister Iida said while giving me a side eye

I rolled my eyes and grabbed my dads hand

“Come on dad. Let’s go do the activities and see around.”

“Okay love let’s go.” He said not even saying nothing to the Iidas while I spoke up to Tenya

“Keep your father on a damn leash or i'll send him to a nursing home.” While bumping into him harshly

[time skip]

After a day of fun activities and hanging out with Shoji and his parents everyone decided to meet up in class to have the introduction part over with.

While everyone introduced their family my name came up.

“Y/n your turn “ Aizawa said

While dragging my parents and siblings up there I said

“Hey guys you know me Y/N I am the youngest of 4. There is my brother Kyo you may know as “The Fire Dragon” he is the oldest. Then there is Athena who y’all may know as “The Wind Dragon” who is second oldest. Then there is Laxus who you may know as “The Thunder dragon” and lastly me who happens to be “the devil dragon” us 4 beautiful babies came from our mother Lilac and our father Ivan. Together we all run Dragon Slayer Industry. Any questions?”

Someone spoke up and said

“Why does your name end with dragon?”

Kyo spoke up and said

“When we activate our Quirk our facial features slowly change into a dragon form. We saw that in the patterns of myself maturing into my Quirk along with everyone. You see, our cheek has scales at times when we use our quirk and Wings as well but only if we are fully using our powers. It differs for Y/N tho. Due to the fact her transformation is more lengthy and more levels towards her dragon form. She posses our strongest form of Dragon Slayer which is Devil power.”

I looked down and smiled when my dad speaks up

“She’s the youngest of our 4 children but we love her as much as we love our 3 eldest. They all happen to be our pride and Joy of Dragon Slayer industry.”

We all look up and dad and he gave us a soft smile

After everyone introduces their families and explains their quirks, Principle Nezu stands on Aizawas shoulder and speaks.

“All of the Families and students meet up in the common room of The dorm we are having karaoke night with the families!”

Me and Athena locked eyes and smiled

While Kyo and Laxus groaned and sat their heads on both mine and Athena's shoulders.

“Awwww what’s wrong Lawx? You don’t wanna perform?” I say while scratching his head

“No, because we don’t sing well, you and Thena always sing better than us.” He mumbled into my shoulder

“I mean that’s true but we know our old school songs don’t we Laxus?” Kyo said optimistically while wrapping his arms around Athena's neck

“You guys legit screamed Drivers License with me and Y/n when it came out. What makes y’all think y’all can’t sing?” Athena says while getting up and following the crowd to the common room.

“Did you really sign the driver's license with your sister Kyo?” Tensie said while his family behind him

“Hell yeah I did. It’s manly to scream with your sisters in the car about a breakup song. And I love them too much as well.” Kyo said proudly

“AWWWWWW you love us?!” Me and Athena gushed

“Shut up you guys” kyo says while pushing us

We both laughed and look at tensie

“What song are you planning to sing?” Athena asked

“Well hopefully a duet with my brother but if not if you want I can do a duet with you?” Tensie said

Athena blushed and mumbled

“Yeah sure.”

I smiled and quickly looked at Tenya who was just smiling at his brother and kept quite along with his parents.

“Are y’all planning to all sing together at least one song? “ Tensie ask us

“HELL YEAH WE ARE! “Laxus yelled happily

“We already have a song in mind. We relate to it too much so we might sing that one!”

We all nodded in agreement and arrived at the common room. It was big enough for the karaoke machine that was hooked to the t.v.

We all sat down Iidas family not far from us and Shoji's family right near us. Me and Shoji smiled and shared snacks while everyone performed.

So many performances went on From Sero and Ojiro performing

To me and my siblings

To Tensie and Tenya

Me and Shoji as well

And even Tensie and Athena

To even Bakugo surprisingly

Everything was coming to a end when Mina requested After her song finish

“I request Y/N and Iida do a song together to close it off!”

“WHAT?!” Tenya and I screamed

“Yes, that would be an amazing idea!!!” My sister stated

“We second that!” My brothers and Tensie said

All the class started agreeing and even there parents while I looked back at mine and Tenyas parents

“Love. It’s all up to you, we won't be mad at you if you do.” My mom stated

My father was about to say something when kyo covers his mouth

“Go sis. It’s okay. Right old man.” He said forcefully

I sighed and got up and said

“Well are we doing this or not engine legs?”

Tenya nodded and got up as well while we headed to the small stage and we looked at eachother and sighed.

“What song are we gonna do?” Tenya asked quietly

“Well I don’t know we can pick random-“ before I can finish the sentence Tensie and Athena walked up and said

“We already have a song in mind. Here this one” Tensie pointed to “Beauty and the Beast and before you say no one we won’t let you leave so do it good” Athena said smiling and walk off with Tensie

“Let’s get this over with Engine legs. I'm sleepy.” I say while pressing play

The music starts

I sing

Tale as old as time

True as it can be

Barely even friends

Then somebody bends

Unexpectedly

I look at Tenya and he smiled and turned to me

Just a little change

Small to say the least

Both a little scared

Neither one prepared

Both of us at the same while looking at each other

Beauty and the Beast

Ever just the same

Ever a surprise

Ever as before

And ever just as sure

As the sun will rise

Ever just the same

Tenya singed and looked into the crowd

And ever a surprise

Both while Turning to the crowd

Ever as before

While I sing sweetly

And ever just as sure

As the song goes on we became more emotional and more one with the song

Both looking into eachothers eyes and singed

Bitter-sweet and strange

Finding you can change

Learning you were wrong

We scooted closer together

While still singing Tenya puts his hand on my cheek which makes me melt Into his hands and forget anyone was watching. I felt that the world stopped while looking into his blue beautiful eyes.

Tale as old as time

Song as old as rhyme

Beauty and the Beast

Beauty and...

Beauty and the Beast

Singing the last note, Tenya pulled me into a kiss.

It wasn’t a dominant kiss, it was more of a passionate and tender kiss.

Happily kissing back we sadly pulled back for air and realized we were around people.

I turn to see my siblings clapping and jumping around and my mom's smiling face and my dad's soft stern look.

To Tensie clapping and hugging Athena and Iidas parents' shock.

Finally I pulled away from Tenyas grip when I felt being pulled off the stage by Tenya. Dragging me to an empty room.

“Wait Iida what are you doing? Dude let me go” I say while struggling to get out his grip when finally we stopped in an empty study room.

“I'm sorry I pulled you away. It was too much commotion for me to speak to you in private.” Tenya says while looking down

“Why did you kiss me?”

He stayed silent

“Tenya, why did you kiss me?” I say softly

He chuckles and says softly

“I haven’t heard you say my name in years. I forget how smoothly it came off your lips.”

Smiling sadly I grabbed his face and looked at him.

“Huh yeah it’s been awhile hasn’t it. But really why did you kiss me? I understand if it was in the moment and not meant-“

“Wait, you think I didn’t mean it?!” Tenya says with panic in his eyes

“Well with the rivalry and the mean comments and just brutal training against each other at times I would never think you would like me or even kiss me.”

“I understand where you're coming from but I need to assure you that I do care for you. Even after the stupid and inconsiderate comments my parents said years ago. I never stopped caring for you. This rivalry is so dumb. if I see Tensie falling in love with Athena. Why can't I do the same.” Tenya says

“Wait, you love me?”

“I always have. Since the day we met when Kyo and Tensie had a group project and you came over with Kyo to my house. I remember your beautiful c/e looking so afraid and didn’t want to leave Kyo’s lap because you only knew him. And while I tried to persuade you to come and play with me in the garden I remembered I overheard your mom say your favorite flower was f/f and lucky for us we had it in the garden. I begged my mother to cut the smallest flower there was.” He smiles and continues

“I grabbed the flower carefully and ran back to Tensei's room where you and Kyo were. I sat next to Kyo and I saw your eyes light up in the sight of the flower. I asked if I can put it in your hair and you nodded and I said-“

“It looks beautiful. If you come outside with me we can make a beautiful flower crown for a princess like you.” We say in sink

“You remembered” I say softly

“I always have.” Tenya said

“What do we do now? We both like each other and just want to be happy with each other. Without our parents at our throats.” I say

“Come.” Tenya says while holding my hand

We both ran to the common room and saw nobody and I looked to see that both of our family’s were in my dorm room. I tugged Tenya and pointed to my family. He quickly dragged me with him and while we approached our families we heard our fathers argue.

“If your daughter hadn't come to this school Tenya would be number one!”

“Oh please that is so not true and you know that. Your son wouldn’t be number one even if my own daughter wasn’t here. She got so many recommendations to come here like Endeavor's child!”

While they argued I see our mothers knock on my door

“Y/n sweetie please open the door. We know you're in there with Tenya.” My mom says

“Y/n its okay me and your mother are not mad. Tenya please convince Y/n to open the door.” Tenyas mom said

I see on the floor crouching down my brothers and sister along with Tensie who seemed to be calling our phones. And I remember I left my phone on my bed.

“Mom, I'm right here.” I say

I see my family look at me and Tenya holding hands.

“Oh thank god. We thought you locked yourself in your room.” Athena said while getting up and hugging me

“Oh no I just left my phone on my bed. I just talked to Tenya for a bit and we want to talk to y’all actually.” I say while looking at my family and his.

“And before we go into my room. Please stop the fucking arguing this rivalry is gettin old. Of who’s better or not. Both of you men are reaching an old age, stop arguing and act normal. I will not tolerate it in my room. If y’all do I will spray you with my spray bottle that has water. Got it?” I say while unlocking my door

They nod and all pile into my room.

My siblings sat on my bed with Tensie next to them.

My parents and Tenyas parents sat on the couch I had.

After everyone settled in Tenya spoke

“I understand that this rivalry has affected me and y/n in many ways you wouldn’t understand. From me and Tensie losing our best friends to hating the idea of them succeeding. Tensie matured and became friends again with the y/n family and hell even fell in love with Athena. I always respect you father because you always knew better for me but this is my time to choose and I choose to be friends and more with Y/n.”

“I understand dad that you don’t like me associating with the family who made fun of us because of our wealth and status. And god knows I'm still upset but it was never Tenyas nor Tensei's words. Even misses Idas words. And I know it gives you rage and anger seeing with the son of the man who made fun of us. But dad. Im old enough to choose who to associate with. I know mom is okay with it. But I want you to be okay with this as well. I'm not asking you to forgive them this instant. But please work with Tenya and Tensie they are trying to make amends.” I say with tears in my eyes

“Father. I love her.”

‘Dad I love him.”

We say together

Our father look at us and each other and sighed

“Darling I will try for you.” My dad says

“ I will as well.” Tenyas father said

I smiled and ran to hug my parents.

“Thank you really thank you” I say crying

My parents hugged me back and kissed my forehead

My sister pulled me from my parents grasp and threw me to my brothers who hugged me

“Look at this little devil dragon growing up it was just like yesterday you told us to shut the fuck up.” Laxus said

“If you dont let me breathe ill make sure you don’t have children you fucking dick” I say struggling to breath

When they let me go I see Tensie and Athena hold hands having there cute couple moment

I smiled and walk over to my record player and put the disc vinyl of Cage the elephant and

“Cigarettes Daydreams” played

I look to see my father dance with my mom

As well with Tenyas parents

With our siblings singing

Distracted in the moment i hear

“Can I have this dance” Tenya says

I smiled and slowly danced with him

“ We will make this work. I promise.” Tenya says

“We better. I know I didn’t kiss you as a dare for nothing.” I say while looking up at him

“I remember that kiss. You ran off to Shoji's room while I stood shocked and eventually went back to my dorm and overthink the kiss.”

We both laughed and that’s when I sing

“Soft speak”

“with a mean streak” Tenya singed

“Nearly brought me to my knees” we said softly as we danced to the rest of the song

Do do do do do do You can drive all night Looking for answers in the pouring rain You wanna find peace of mind Looking for the answer If we could find a reason, a reason to change Looking for the answer If you could find a reason, a reason to stay Standing in the pouring rain

#tenya iida x reader #tenya iida angst #mha tenya #iida x reader #iida x y/n #iida fluff #mha x reader #friends to enemies to lovers #shit writing #spelling errors #very long story

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jamespotterthefirst · 4 years ago

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Drinks For Two

Pairing: Dr. Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Dr. Lilac Allende) Word count: 1,800 Warning: None Author’s Note: That premium scene from Book 1, Chapter 2 at the bar from Ethan’s POV

Catch up here.

_______

The raucous cacophony surrounding Ethan that evening at Donahue's is not enough distraction from his traitorous thoughts, much to his annoyance. Ordinarily, the small bar serves as his sanctuary, a blessed transitional space between the harsh demands of the job and the tranquility of home. On most nights, he prefers the place silent enough to enjoy his drink in numbing peace. Upon entering the place and seeing the crowd of intoxicated, uproarious interns, however, Ethan kisses that fantasy goodbye.

He decides to stay anyway because lord knows he needs a drink after the hell hole of a day he had. Ethan, ever the optimist, even finds a silver lining in hoping that the mindless, drunken chatter will keep him from reliving it. When that fails, the riotous noise is nothing but that: noise.

Ethan takes a swig of his drink, savoring the pleasant burn in his throat.

“I don't want your opportunities or your charity. I want my patient to get better.”

Memories of fiery, bright eyes flood him, unbidden.

“And if that's not everyone's priority at this hospital, I'd rather you fire me now.”

Righteous, impassioned anger had colored her face as she spat the words at him with a vehemence that had given him pause. And all after he had placed a precious learning opportunity on a silver platter for her taking? Who the hell did this intern think she was? The nerve, the gall, the idiotic insolence of that brash, silver-tongued, headstrong girl...

Ethan loses steam.

That passionate, fearless, intelligent and rather pretty girl.

A slew of less professional adjectives inundate his awareness before he can stop them. Inwardly groaning, he throws back another drink.

An eruption of cheers and wolf whistles mercifully pulls him from his thoughts. Ethan doesn't need to look to know it's coming from the surgical interns, the rowdiest of the bunch by default. Add to that scores of cheap alcohol and the galvanizing promise of competition a game of dart brings, and they are downright unbearable.

When he does spare them a glance, he is greeted by the sight of a burly, good-looking surgical intern dipping a brunette backwards before planting a scandalous kiss on her lips.

“Get it, Lahela!”

“Traitor!”

God, how Ethan hated PDA.

A whirl of green fabric and glossy brown hair is all Ethan sees as the recipient of the kiss straightens herself, slightly woozy and gripping Lahela’s muscular arms for dear life. It is only when she shifts on her feet that Ethan catches a glimpse of that distinctive smile— the very same he had seen all day, both in person and in his recollection. Lilac Allende, pretty face bright and eyes sparkling, grins at the surgical intern as he whispers something in her ear.

And then, like a stroke of lighting, her eyes meet Ethan’s for the briefest of moments.

Ethan glances away too quickly, his slight annoyance tapering into sheer irritation. His mood deteriorates when he finds his glass empty though he doesn't get the opportunity to order another because mere seconds later, he can see a hazy shape in forest green approaching.

Stubborn as ever, Ethan determinedly avoids gazing her way. He foolishly thinks this will be successful until she is right at his side and practically impossible to ignore. This, of course, does not escape her notice, officially deeming her the most frustrating person he's ever met.

“Something wrong, Dr. Ramsey?” she asks and he can practically hear the cheeky grin in her melodic voice.

As his eyes take in the full force of the outfit she is wearing, he mentally determines the only thing that is wrong are the thoughts the revealing number invites. He makes a conscious effort to keep his eyes on her face and not on the tortuous path her daring neckline sets. Ethan loses the battle for a millisecond because his eyes fall on the black, lacy contraption peeking from her blouse (if he can call it that), the sight a sweet kind of torture. Feeling like an absolute ass, he fixes his gaze on hers, convinced he can still salvage both of their dignities by saying something vague.

“Just noticing how… different you look out in the real world.”

Dr. Allende looks as though she doesn't believe him and she opens her mouth, perhaps to brashly tell him so. Luckily, Reggie slides over to their side of the bar.

“What'll it be?”

She becomes distracted by the question and Ethan privately thanks Reggie's impeccable timing. Dr. Allende pensively chews her lip as she contemplates his empty glass. Ethan pauses, promptly telling himself this is to humor her while also satisfying his own curiosity and not because of the vision that is her bottom lip, made swollen by the pressure of the bite.

“Scotches, neat,” she finally tells Reggie, with a confidence that almost earns her an impressed nod.

In their silence, Dr. Allende cuts him a look that is almost bashful, despite all the bravado she displays. Her posture is ramrod straight and Ethan can practically feel the nervous energy radiating from her. With a bolt, he realizes she is silently extending an olive branch. A truce from their previous encounter at Edenbrook.

“Why neat instead of on the rocks?” he asks, his own quiet way of accepting.

“The ice changes the flavor,” she returns at once, shoulders relaxing visibly.

“Right answer.”

A ghost of a smile escapes him and she takes this with evident satisfaction, returning it with a smug smirk of her own. The crowded, ebullient bar suddenly becomes stifling to Ethan as he holds her gaze. To make it worse, someone decides that is the best moment to play an Al Green song on the jukebox.

Reggie returns with their drinks, saving him again.

“You know I can't be bribed into favoring you, right?” Ethan keeps his face masterfully impassive, his voice expertly controlled as he says this, the first thing he could think of to deter from it all.

“I think you already favor me.”

God, she is good. That clever little quip is enough to inspire a quiet laugh from him, the sound almost foreign to his ears.

“You keep believing that,” he returns almost at once.

This, in turn, makes her match his laughter. Before he can squash it, Ethan feels a proud jolt of satisfaction at being the one to cause the sound.

Reggie returns, noticing their empty glasses. The loaded grin he flashes Ethan leaves no doubt the older man caught the exchange.

“Two specials,” Ethan says, ignoring this. “Thanks, Reggie.”

“Only for you, Ethan,” his old friend returns with a chuckle, his eyes moving over to Dr. Allende before he moves away to prepare his order.

She sends him a curious look. “You're on first-name terms with the bartender?”

“He's an old friend. I come here most nights.”

Ethan can see her considering the statement quietly. “You don't have anyone waiting at home?”

Ethan hesitates, marveling at her tone, easy and casual as though she was asking for the time. Shifting in his seat slightly, he consciously refuses to look for any meaning behind the question.

“I'll come here even when I do,” he responds after a long pause. “I need some buffer between the hospital and the world. An airlock.” Briefly, he thinks of Harper and the many arguments that became too constant in the last months of their relationship.

“Don't take the job home with you, Lilac.” He's not sure why he utters the advice, but it is gone from his lips before he can stop it. Vaguely, he realizes that is the first time he calls her by her first name.

Dr. Allende doesn't seem to notice. She considers him, biting the inside of her cheek. “I'll keep that in mind…” she says, “but you didn't answer my question.”

Ethan decides then that sharp perceptiveness will be his demise.

“No. Nobody waiting at home tonight.”

There is no reaction because his order arrives.

Grateful, Ethan offers her the dark liquid. “Here, try this.”

Dr. Allende accepts the drink wordlessly. She swirls it around in the glass before taking a careful sniff. Ethan almost rolls his eyes though he'd be lying if he said he wasn't amused. Seemingly satisfied, she downs more than half of it with spectacular skill.

“Well, how's it compare?” he prompts, unable to keep that insistent need to know what she is thinking at bay. The way she assesses the empty glass between his fingers, her jaw working as she collects her thoughts only adds to the allure.

She meets his eye with a grin. “That's amazing!”

When he finds no indication of dishonesty on her face, Ethan allows another wave of self-congratulatory smugness. “Either you're sucking up to me, or you've got surprisingly refined taste for an intern. ”

The lopsided quirk of her lips leaves him entirely too charmed for his liking. “I'm surprising in a lot of ways.”

“You'll have to prove that.”

The words are redundant for she had been doing just that from the very instant he met her.

Eyes locked on hers, he raises his glass. “To your intern year. In the hopes you don't completely blow everything you've worked your whole life for.”

Dr. Allende scrunches that freckle dusted nose of hers. “Morbid,” she comments, though not without a signature smile. “I like it.”

Their glasses meet, the clink of the crystal lost in the revelry around them.

An upbeat pop song he is too old and too prideful to know the name of booms through the speakers. It is met with approving cheers from the drunk crowd. Over the hubbub, the sound of her name reaches them.

“Lilac!”

It is from a group of interns at the other end of the bar. Ethan briefly recognizes the short, bubbly one as the intern who pulled him away from his furious rant earlier that day.

“Are we dancing or not?” she yells over the music.

Lilac turns to Ethan who only waves his hand dismissively, encouraging her to go. As she turns to join her friends, she halts, turning to consider him quietly.

For a wild moment, Ethan thinks she might ask him to dance. Drink in hand he selfishly considers what it would be to dance with her, bodies close and lost to the beat of the music. Where might her hands be on his body as they moved? Where would his be? He vanishes the thought with more determination than necessary, though the heat that flares from his neck to his face is impossible to ignore.

Perhaps realizing she is not quite so brave, Lilac shoots him one last smile and simply says, “Good night, Dr. Ramsey.”

“Good night, Dr. Allende.”

________

Author’s Note: Who could have put the Al Green song? Hmm.

Thank you for reading!

At the risk of committing to an ambitious endeavor, I really want to do as many of these as possible. I think my next one will be from the Dolores chapter.

_______

@dulceghernandez | @lion-ess24 | @emotionalswift2 | @the-soot-sprite |

#open heart #ethan ramsey #ethan x mc #playchoices #my writing

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userpoe · 4 years ago

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alright so I've used the tag 'poe dameron and the no good, horrible, awful, terrible bad week' frequently on this blog regarding the events of tfa/tlj but I've never really expanded on this and usually when I see people mention Poe's trauma, it's usually only the fact that he was tortured (valid). So, without further ado, let's take a look into the amount of trauma my poor kid went through in the span of like...a week and a half (if I had to hazard a guess).

Almost dies pulling a ridiculously dangerous stunt to escape the Colossus with Kaz (Resistance)

Finds the remains of an outpost destroyed by the First Order, is the one to find a tooka doll in the wreckage (Resistance) and realizes what happened

Has to watch Lor San Tekka (a man Poe has spent a long time looking for and greatly admires) be brutally murdered.

Is frozen with the Force and roughed up by some stormtroopers who take the advantage of the fact he couldn’t move

Is taken captive and has to watch as another outpost full of civilians be slaughtered - unable to do a damn thing about it but cry out “no”

Is taken aboard the Finalizer where he is confronted by the fact that the First Order is more powerful/has more resources than he realized

By my estimate, he’s held there for a couple of days: it’s nighttime when he’s captured and we see Rey go through two days on Jakku in between scenes with Poe. So, I reckon he was tortured for most of the first night/most of the next day. His wounds suggest physical torture (bruising around his head, bunch of cuts on his cheek/nose and a busted lip) and the Poe Dameron Flight Log also states that he was tortured by an interrogation droid who was given orders to use any methods available to get him to talk, including neuroshocks (yay). The droid apparently asked Poe where the map/Luke was 813 times and he never broke.

By the end of the second day is when Kylo comes in. As far as I’m aware, there’s no detailed explanation of what Poe sees when Kylo goes through his head but I think it’s safe to assume from what we saw of Kylo doing the same thing to Del in Battlefront II that Poe likely to relive some of his pre-TFA trauma while Kylo searched for the location of the map.

Poe is actually unconscious by the time Kylo leaves the room.

In the Flight Log and in the Poe comics, it’s revealed that Poe believed he was a) going to be killed, b) thought he’d doomed the Resistance and the Galaxy.

It’s day #3 that Finn comes to break him out. Poe’s so out of it still that he looks like he’s barely conscious when Finn comes to collect him. Obviously, things don’t go well and they crash.

Mid-crash, Poe ejects Finn out of the TIE Fighter, but is unable to eject himself out because his flight jacket got caught on the mechanism. He’s thrown out of the TIE Fighter (more physical injuries, yay), and stays unconscious for the rest of day 3.

Wakes up that night and wanders by himself for the night and some of the next day before he meets a scavenger who begrudgingly helps him out. Poe makes his way back to D’Qar, where he informs Leia of all the dozen ways he feels like he’s failed the Resistance, her, and the galaxy

(he never tells her who tortured him, though)

The New Republic is then destroyed. This is the government Poe believed in, served for years. It’s incredibly likely that Poe probably lived on one of the planets that was destroyed during his time in the fleet, and even more likely he lost old friends when it was destroyed.

Despite undergoing several days of torture + duress, Poe is sent to Takodana. When everyone returns to D’Qar, we see that it doesn’t appear he’s even visited a medbay at this point: he still has a busted lip and a lot of bruising.

When Starkiller sets its sights on D’Qar, they have to come up with a plan quickly. The Resistance is noted several times in the Poe comics to only have a handful of pilots: hell, there’s only about 400 people to evacuate in TLJ. They are officially the only people standing in between the galaxy and utter tyranny: no pressure or anything.

Since the bombing squadrons are out on a mission, the Resistance has to send twelve fighter pilots to take on a planet.

Only seven out of those twelve make it back alive (that shot of Poe growling mid battle? Yeah that’s after one of his pilots is killed).

Poe then discovers that Finn was gravely injured - Finn, who Poe probably feels a lot of responsibility for, since he’s there because of him, and who Poe already cares for a lot.

Not necessarily trauma related but it makes me emotional thinking about it: he hesitates long enough to make sure Rey is physically okay before taking off after Finn (you can spy Jessika and Snap watching after Finn worriedly in the crowd too!), and we later don’t see him leave Leia’s side: likely, he’s trying to keep an eye on her since he knows she’s grieving.

The Resistance doesn’t get very long to celebrate, though. Shortly after Rey leaves for Ach-Too, they discover the FO has already recovered enough to launch an attack on D’Qar.

As the Resistance discusses how to evacuate, Poe offers himself up as bait - knowing full well he could die by doing so. He’s scared, and Leia is too (we see this in TLJ, she’s actively nervous while on the comms with him). We even see him trying to calm himself down before he engages (”happy beeps”) once he has a moment to himself after calming Leia and BB-8 down (”c’mon buddy, we’ve pulled crazier stunts than this”).

Gets to listen to Hux threaten Leia, who Poe has spent the last sixteen years admiring and is one of the most important figures in his life/a surrogate mother figure. Literally, Hux calls Leia “[his] precious princess”

(maybe if you’d kept your pasty mouth shut you’d still have a dreadnaught, Hux).

It’s worth noting that almost everyone Poe has loved and lost has died in a space battle, including his mother. The entire Resistance, everyone he has left, is currently vulnerable to dying a similar death.

Poe strapped on a pair of experimental boosters to Black One, knowing full well that they could possibly kill him: they’d never been tested before. In fact, the blow back when he does activate them is so bad, he’s almost knocked unconscious in the TLJ novelization.

Rounding back to Starkiller for a second, it’s easy to see why Poe misjudged the Dreadnaught situation: they managed to take down a freaking planet with twelve starfighters and a ground team of five. A dreadnaught should have been nothing in comparison (and his line of thinking is very similar to Lu’lo’s, the man who helped raise him after Shara died, who’s loss catapulted Poe from being cautious into more freely engaging with the First Order).

Instead, he loses....a lot of his pilots. It’s stated in Spark of the Resistance he was friends with Paige, who - you guessed it - he’s on comms with when she dies. They take out the Dreadnaught, so he tries to focus on that instead - but it’s obvious that it’s eating away at him.

He’s then demoted but barely gets time to process that because then the FO finds them. He offers to go “jump in an x-wing and blow something up” but instead arrives in the hanger just in time to see it go up in flames...with a bunch more of his friends (pilots and techs who were already there) dead. To make matters worse, he was on the comms with Tallie when she died. Please give him a break.

Immediately after this, all leadership is killed in an attack. Poe, Kaydel and Finn are watching from a window when Leia pulls herself back to the Raddus: which likely means they were staring in horror before Leia ever came to. He’s the first one to catch Leia when she reaches the airlock, and doesn’t leave her side until he has to, to attend the meeting with the surviving members of the Resistance.

He then has a CrisisTM when he mentally freaks out, wondering if Leia still left him in charge because he knows she’s been trying to mold him into her replacement (although he believes he’s not worthy and is just a soldier/pilot, nothing more). Look at his sigh of relief when Holdo is called instead! He was terrified.

Kind of thrown by her speech, which I reckon reminded him a lot of the officials he dealt with in the New Republic Navy. [smash cut noises] in Poe Dameron #14, after Lu’lo dies, Leia grounds Poe so he has time to process his grief instead of just throwing himself into the next mission because “Everything’s easy for Poe Dameron, right?” I imagine that’s why Poe was immediately at Holdo’s side: looking for something to do, something to distract him from his own regret, grief and fear. However, it doesn’t work, and he’s again reminded of the things he hasn’t time to process: namely, his demotion -- which likely bothers him less than the fact that it reminds him that the last conversation he had with Leia, she was disappointed in him and it was...essentially an argument.

However, when Holdo makes it clear she doesn’t want his help...Poe backs off. He listens to her, and finds something else to do.

Which is keeping an eye on Leia, apparently, since the next scene we see him, he’s in her quarters. I’m guessing he stopped long enough to get dressed after the meeting, and immediately went to go keep an eye on Leia after this.

After Finn and Rose detail the plan to him, he takes a moment to himself to hold Leia’s hand: no doubt trying to gather up the courage to step into a leadership role. This plan is exactly the kind of thing Leia has come up with for Black Squadron, which is probably why he agrees to it. He’s pulled stunts like this before, this should go well, right?

(Spoiler Alert: no one has any luck in this movie so It Does Not Go Well)

BB-8 goes with Finn and Rose, which leaves Poe on the Raddus without any of his usual support system. Black Squadron is on a mission to gather allies, so he officially has no one to talk to or lean on at this time. He’s utterly alone and the cracks start to show.

(TLJ Poe is a Poe very close to losing hope for the first time. He’s desperate and scared)

In the TLJ novelization, Poe helps evacuate the medical frigate before Holdo grounds him from aiding in future evacuations (??? for reasons never explained). Despite his own growing concerns, Poe greets all the newcomers and spends his free time trying to raise spirits around the Raddus.

After seeing so many of his fellow Resistance members so desperate and without hope, Poe starts to worry everything Leia built is going to be destroyed. He even tells Holdo this, and her response is literally “Captain Dameron. If you’re here to serve a princess, I’ll assign you to bedpan duty.”

which...nice ableism there.

The Day Just Gets Worse and Worse and Poe has absolutely Nothing To Do with no idea how to help, and just a lot of waiting, and he hates that, he hates not being able to actively do something to protect the people he loves so he just gets more and more agitated until he eventually has a meltdown on the bridge.

Despite ALL OF THIS, he doesn’t even want to mutiny. It’s an attempt to buy Finn and Rose a little more time, it’s a last ditch effort, one that he doesn’t Remotely Look Happy About, and was never originally part of the plan.

He then hears Finn and Rose (over the comms, hooray I’m sensing a pattern) be found aboard Snoke’s ship. He realizes they didn’t make it, but doesn’t get time to focus on that because Leia shows up and stuns him.

He wakes up in a panic aboard the ship and (imo, because fellas I’m intimately aware of what one looks like) has a panic attack when he realizes they’ve abandoned ship. At this point, he doesn’t even know there’s a nearby planet to go to (Crait is uncharted), as far as he’s aware, the escape would’ve just been to drift in the weaponless (?) shuttles until they ran out of fuel again. Leia calms him down from it and gently explains the plan to him.

He gets to watch several other shuttles be destroyed, and tries to find out if theirs can go any faster (Leia’s on the ship with him). He then gets to watch Amilyn sacrifice herself and is the first to realize what she’s doing.

I don’t know why it took me so long to realize this but his line “Finn! Rose! You’re not dead! Where’s my droid?” yeah, Poe had no idea they were even alive, he probably thought they were immediately killed or died when Holdo did The Thing.

When they realize they’re trapped, the camera pans up on a worried looking Poe. Just before it cuts away, he’s starting to smile: he’s already prepping for a inspiring speech, despite his own fear. He doesn’t get a chance though, because Finn beats him to it: and then we get the heart eyes shot from Poe, because he realizes he isn’t alone any more (no this isn’t trauma related it just Gets Me In My FinnPoe feelings so)

They begin their run on the battering ram canon. After losing more pilots, Poe orders them to fall back, but Finn disobeys him in a direct parallel to Poe at the start of the film. This move is largely considered a suicide run on Finn’s part...[coughing] maybe the start of the movie was too [coughing]

Poe continues to get everyone to retreat and is the last one back on base. He runs with the medic team to check Finn and Rose, and also bolts to Leia’s side when Luke is fired upon to comfort her.

He panics again when he realizes they can’t get through the only other exit, but luckily they’ve got Rey on the other side.

Shortly after all this, Poe has some drinks with Finn and Rey on the Falcon. He’s still mulling everything over and admits he wishes they’d all met earlier and wonders if things would’ve gone differently if the three of them met after Takodana (Poe Comics)

After Finn asks Poe what happened after the TIE crashed in TFA, Rey encourages Poe to tell them his story as she thinks it would be a “good distraction” from everything else. Poe hesitates, but goes through and literally retells a very traumatic series of events that’s barely a week old, so they have a distraction from everything. He plays it all off light-heartedly, cracking jokes (even says he went through a “little light torture”).

It isn’t until Rey mentions that Kylo also tortured her that Poe treats it a little more seriously “he did that to me too!” and holds his drink up for her to cheer with him and calls them “torture buddies” because he’s Poe Dameron and trying to cheer people up is what he does.

Finn even calls out Poe’s insistence that everything will work out several times in the few issues set post TLJ. He can’t believe Poe has so much faith, but honestly? As much as Poe keeps saying everything is gonna work out, I wonder if he’s trying to convince Rey and Finn or himself.

Finn then asks Poe to catch him up on what happened while he was unconscious post Starkiller.

Let me reiterate that Poe literally just retold with some ease being held captive for three days to distract them.

But after he tells Finn he offered himself up as bait, Poe skirts around the rest of the story with a “well you know the rest!” He can’t even bring himself to talk about the Dreadnaught run. Talking about Kylo running through his head is easier for him than that.

He then receives a recording from Jessika retelling the events of what Black Squadron was up to during TLJ. When he starts the video, he almost immediately pauses it and asks Threepio how it ends. Poe admits he doesn’t know what he’ll do if the video ends with Jess going up in a fireball. Luckily, it doesn’t end that way, but he still has to watch the videos with no idea what happened to his closest and oldest friends.

All of this happens in, like, a week at the most. This doesn’t even BEGIN to touch on the trauma Poe goes through in the Poe comics or even Freefall, but if we did want to touch on that, I’d say that a lot of the events in TFA and especially TLJ probably triggered some bad memories for him. Poe Dameron deserves nothing but fluffy things and also a lot of hugs.

#tegan speaks #i've read/watched every piece of poe media i can get my hands on since 2015 and like. SURE he gives me seratonin #but i now also have a very intense file in my brain of all the trauma he's gone through and how that impacts his every decision and #how events in the films almost definitely remind him of said trauma and it Makes For A Very Depressing Time #i'm sure there's probably more trauma in resistance reborn but i got too mad at the book to try and finish it so i just included #the comics. i'm pretty sure this is everything but I may have forgotten some stuff #long post #sorry mobile users

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disastrousjest · 3 years ago

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Plotted starter: @chantelle-hosanger

He wanted it to be a bad dream and there were nights where it seemed to be just that. But every night he had the dream, it was the same--he could feel the chill of the cold air wash over him. The cold left the kind of chill that went to the bone. Or perhaps it was because in this scenario, he knew what was waiting for him just inside the broken entrance of the old hotel. And it was that knowledge that chilled him to his core. This was a sequence he always wished he could run from, but every time he had tried to escape it in his dreams, Joseph found himself unable to. Whether he was aware that he was reliving that faithful day in his dreams or not, it hardly seemed to matter. He had to play through it again. And every time he had no choice but to follow through with it, reliving the worst moment of his life--it never stopped hurting any less. It was like discovering the scene all over again. As though he had gone over the Swiss Mountains to the little village in Switzerland to find where Caesar had met his final resting place once again. It weighed on his heart heavily and had made his recovery process all the more difficult. How was he supposed to just move forward if he couldn’t get past his regrets? How did people deal with this sort of thing? Joseph was so young... and he had to shoulder so much. It was a wonder as to what else he would end up having to shoulder. Was this the legacy of his grandfather? The one he had heard so much about from his Granny Erina? It hardly seemed fair.

Sure enough, the moment the sun came in through the hole in the ceiling and touched on the stone that sealed Caesar away--his knees went weak. Just as he had done when it had first happened, Joseph dropped to his knees in front of it. Feeling the warmth of his blood seeping into his pants from where he sat. Fingers brushed over the rough rock, as his heart started to ache. Before he could get ahold of himself, tears were once more streaming down his cheeks. How long did he have to deal with this? It was a wonder if the pain would ever end. Even if this was just a fragment of that faithful day, it was the worst part. This part of the dream was always the same and what would come after that things would change. Sometimes he would be stuck reimagining the life that he had had with Caesar and Lisa Lisa. The little moments he had had time to share with Caesar before training had started back up. Or sometimes he would be forced to remember the argument that had led to this very scenario, the one he regretted most because it had been the last argument he had ever had with Caesar. It had been the argument that caused Caesar to go off on his own and wind up getting himself killed in the end. A reminder to Joseph that in some form Caesar’s death had been his fault. Or at least that was how he felt about it.

This time, as he wept Joseph suddenly felt as though he couldn’t breathe. He had heard of getting choked up before, hiccupping over his own sobs and having to force them out. But this was much worse than that. It felt as though something were retraining him. He found his hands moving up to his throat and gripping at something that didn’t seem to be there. His vision blurred as he gasped for air, reaching forward for the stone tomb in front of him with one hand, as if asking the fallen Caesar to help him somehow. It blurred from his sight though, leaving everything to go dark. (Is this how I die...?) He wondered if something had happened to him that he couldn’t recall. Perhaps he really had died and he was just seeing his life flash before his eyes a second ago. He knew he had to fight it somehow, but there didn’t appear to be anything to fight. Joseph was left with no choice but to allow everything to fade into darkness, just waiting for what would likely come to be his fate. Who would have thought this was how Joseph Joestar went down? (I’m sorry Caesar... I wasted the power you gave your life for.)

His eyes snapped open suddenly. Drenched in sweat, Joseph found himself tangled and caught in something. He kicked and pulled at it the best he could, tumbling from his bed and hitting the floor, hard with a bang. It was then that he was able to finally capture a glimpse at what he was wrapped up in. A collection of purple, thorny vines had found themselves around his neck and arms. Something that confused him, greatly. Where had they come from? And why were they purple? He couldn’t remember having ever heard of a vine plant that grew in that color before. What was more concerning was just as Joseph was thinking of trying to figure out how to get out of the vines, they seemed to loosen. Actually, better than that within just moments of discovering them and wanting to figure a way out--they seemed to have just disappeared. The entire encounter, left him scratching his head. (Was it just part of the nightmare...?) Though, touching his neck, he felt a strange sensation there. Perhaps it wasn’t just another part of his nightmare. Then that went to question, just what was that?

After getting himself cleaned up and dressed, he left the room he occupied at the estate on Air Supplena Island. It was one of the things that hadn’t changed since everything had come to pass. That and Suzie Q. Something that was helping Joseph learn to deal with his grief and of course recover from his battle with Kars. He had to learn how to use his left hand after it had been replaced with a mechanical prosthetic. Something that had been gifted to him by the German scientists when it had all been said and done. He was thankful for it, but adapting to having a metal hand had been a whole other ordeal. Not only did he have to relearn how to use the muscles in his arms to power the hand, but the fact that it had no feeling was strange to him. It was likely another thing that would come easier with time, he was sure. Just like the reoccurring nightmares he had about losing Caesar. And now waking up covered in mysterious purple vines? (Maybe this is something I should ask Lisa Lisa about.)

“Right... now I just have to find her.” He said aloud to himself before he started down the hall.

#jjba rp #chantelle-hosanger #hermit purple #au options

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writing-fool · 4 years ago

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mlqc | special kind of sadness

I’ve been having strange dreams lately. Maybe it’s because of the quarantine, or maybe because of my messed up sleep schedule. I don’t actually have severe nightmares, but somehow an idea for Victor + nightmares came up. It was going to be very short, so I included other types of comforting scenarios. Ahh...besides that, you might have noticed my url is writing-fool, right? It’s actually based off of a Korean song called Swimming Fool. But I think it fits with MLQC too, what with Lucien calling us ‘his little fool’ sometimes~ What a happy coincidence...

Love,

Warning(s): TW! Lucien’s scenario includes a panic attack.

Victor

You’re all about showing the world that you’re a grown woman with big girl pants on. You’re especially keen on proving to Victor that you can handle yourself, thank you very much. Even though he’s supposed to be your soft, loving boyfriend, he seems to grow stricter the longer you’re together.

“Really? You’re not capable of being a producer if you can’t even get these reports done.” Ouch. Your life doesn’t seem to be getting easier anytime soon.

So...you chalk it up as a grave, grave moment of weakness when you instinctively call his number at three in the morning, after waking up in a cold sweat. By the second ring, you regret your rash decision. What if he’s asleep? What if he thinks I’m some kind of weak child?

By the third, he answers.

“What. Why are you still awake?” His voice sounds as strict as ever. ‘Why are you still awake?’ is a question you would’ve asked if you were in a clearer mindset. Alas, this situation allows little clarity.

You decide against hanging up. I’m bothering him already, might as well apologise. “I-I must’ve misdialled. Sorry to bother you,” you mumble. You hate how your hoarse voice and ragged breaths betray the sobs that have barely subsided.

“...I’m coming over,” is all Victor says before abruptly hanging up.

It’s a twenty minute drive from his luxurious penthouse to your apartment, but you know he’ll make it in fifteen. Running to the bathroom, you try to fix your appearance to make you look more like a successful producer, and less like a woman gone mad. But while your hair can be combed down and your tears can be wiped away, nothing works against your bloodshot eyes, shaking hands and pale complexion.

The doorbell rings, and you’re in full panic mode. You really don’t want him to see you like this. But without him, you’re probably not sleeping tonight. Also, he’s here already. Wiping your sweaty palms on your pyjama pants one last time, you open the front door.

Even when he has his sleeves rolled up, shirt partly unbuttoned and hair mussed from running his hands through it, Victor is handsome. But today, you can’t bare to look at him. Your apartment floor suddenly seems incredibly interesting.

A small gesture encourages his entrance. The door is barely closed again, and he’s already got his arms wrapped around you, your face pressed against his chest. The warmth of his hug and his rapidly beating heart open the floodgates again, and while your boyfriend strokes your hair, you sob your fears out on his black dress shirt.

Later, when you’re both huddled in your queen-sized bed, he asks you why you didn’t tell him about the nightmare right away. “I thought you’d think I’m pathetic or something. You’re always so strict.” You look up at him, mouth formed into a small pout.

For a moment, he’s dumbfounded. Maybe he never considered the idea? Victor hesitates, before pressing a soft kiss to your forehead. “I’m sorry,” he sighs, “I’ll be more considerate from now on.”

And as Victor rubs your shoulder, legs intertwined with yours, you doze off under the cloudy night sky. But not before hearing his sweet whispers. “Lean on me more, next time. I’ll always be by your side.”

Lucien (TW: panic attack, minor mentions of death)

Disclaimer: I know this could be taken wrongly. I have no intention to romanticise mental illness. It isn’t something that makes you broken, nor is it a ‘fun’ or ‘special’ thing. The story is partially taken from my experience, so I know how this feels. I wrote this as a way to bring awareness in a light manner, and to show that sometimes, panic attacks can be alleviated with someone around. I hope it brings comfort to those who wish they had someone in moments like these.

Listening to Lucien’s lectures tends to transport you back to the time when you were still a university student. Ah, it is a nostalgic feeling. A part of you misses being in school; going out with friends, listening to the teachers drone on about various subjects, eating in the school’s cafeteria.

But if there’s one thing you don’t miss, it’s the immeasurable amounts of stress. So why is that the thing I’m reliving right now?

As a young adult, you struggled with anxiety and spontaneous panic attacks, rendering you vulnerable to a work overload. You’d think it’d gotten better, especially since you have to deal with a lot of projects as a head producer nowadays. However, it seems as though old habits do die hard...This week has been particularly taxing—emotionally, what with your father’s death anniversary, and mentally; an important and popular show just got compromised by one of the actors’ companies. All that, and the prospect of an even tighter schedule during Christmas season has sent you into a full-blown panic attack.

Your initial plan was to just...ride this one out. That’s what you always did as a child. In an hour or two, your hands will stop cramping, your tears will stop falling, your breathing will return to normal, right? But it seems fate, and Lucien, disagree. I forgot I gave him the key to my apartment.

Lucien senses something is wrong when you don’t come out to greet him by the door.

“My love? Are you alright?” he yells out. Hearing little besides your irregular breathing, he kicks his shoes off, speeding towards the living area. You’re sat on the white sofa, knees to your chest, shoulders heaving and thick tears streaming down your face.

Lucien’s brows furrow in deep concern as he kneels down by your form. Even though he’s right in front of you, your eyes do not meet his. You’ve gone too deep in your own shell to even be able to acknowledge his presence. A tentative hand removes one of yours from its tight grasp on your other arm, and Lucien lets out a sigh of relief as he feels your hand clutch his. He takes it as a sign to lift you fully into his arms, and takes a seat on the sofa.

“Breathe. In,” he mimicks a deep inhale, “and out.” Lucien blows out, repeating the motion a couple more times. He rubs your back and your hands, constantly alternating between helping you breathe and gently uttering soothing phrases.

“Easy, I’m here with you. Do you feel my heartbeat?” When your hands have finally relaxed out of their cramped up form, he presses one of them against his chest. The slow, rhythmic thumping grounds you. Lucien. A stiff nod from you makes a soft, wry smile appear on his face. “Good girl. You’re getting there, my dear. Just stay with me, here. You’re doing great.”

You don’t know how much longer you stay like that. All you know is that he stays with you through the entire attack. Hours later, you two are having a steaming cup of tea at the dinner table.

“I’m sorry you had to see that. I didn’t want you to worry,” you mutter sheepishly.

“Don’t be ashamed of yourself,” Lucien’s violet eyes bore deep into yours, “Besides, how could I not worry when someone so dear is having a hard time?”

You shrug, a defeated look on your face. Your fingers fidget with the wood of the dinner table, until Lucien swiftly takes your hand in his again.

He sighs. “Take tomorrow off. I’ll take care of you.” Even though his tone is soft, Lucien leaves no space for argument. You know you should agree. There’s no way you could function properly if you were to go to work tomorrow.

“...Thank you.”

Lucien brings your hand to his lips, leaving feather-light kisses on your knuckles. “No thanks needed. You can be greedier with me.”

Gavin

There’s perhaps no person in the world who enjoys rejection. Sure, there may be those who bounce back quickly, those who see rejection as a new opportunity. But rejection, failure in itself, doesn’t evoke positive feelings.

As the producer of Miracle Finder, you’ve gotten used to rejection; it was hard to get the show back on track during the first year or so. Maybe you were arrogant, thinking it’d get better, or less painful, the more often you got rejected.

Things did get better, and last week you were even offered a deal with Loveland TV for a second weekly show. The company had seen the success Miracle Finder had, and had offered you the chance to come up with something wholly original. Something...you. That night, a mere week ago, you took the girls out for dinner and drinks. You were on cloud nine that day. In hindsight, maybe it was karma. Maybe I jinxed it. Cheered too soon, and all that.

This morning, you got a devastating e-mail that stated, in polite (but somehow still rude) terms, that your new show would not be broadcasted. The relaxed mood at the office rapidly turned somber once you mentioned the unfortunate decision. Your employees decided to give you some space afterwards. Not being able to stand the sadness, and feeling somewhat bad for them, you sent everyone, yes, including Anna, home early.

By three p.m., you’re the only one left at the office. You sit at your desk, head in your hands. I know it isn’t the end of the world...but right now, it almost feels like it is. With a deep sigh, you push yourself up, heading to the small kitchen to make yourself a cup of tea. Maybe you’ll have a biscuit too. Anything to cheer yourself up.

Your mind automatically goes to Gavin, and without thinking it over too much, you dial his number. After a couple of rings, your call goes to voicemail. Stupid. He’s probably working. I’ll just leave a message.

“Hey babe, it’s me. I-uh, the thing I mentioned last week? The new show deal with Loveland TV? Yeah, that’s not happening,” your voice cracks halfway through the last sentence as you try to push down the disappointment that bleeds through, “I’m staying late today. Need some time to-to process things. I’ll be fine. Love you, hope you’re safe.”

Time passes agonisingly slowly, so slowly you might as well think Victor’s behind it, while you dive into a mountain of work. It distracts you from today’s events. but the lingering sadness is still present in the back of your mind.

Around eight, you start cleaning up your desk, shutting down your computer and gathering the papers. A knock on the window catches your attention as you’re about to head out. You turn around, noticing a tall figure on the balcony outside. Gavin! You hastily run back, opening the sliding door for Gavin to enter.

“Hi,” That’s the most awkward thing you could say. “I didn’t know you would come. Did you hear my message? You really didn’t have to...” you trail off when Gavin wordlessly opens his arms to you. His golden eyes look anywhere but you, and a slight blush is visible in the dark room, only illuminated by the bright lights outside.

You gingerly step into his arms at first, clutching the back of his signature denim jacket tighter as time goes on. A couple of stray tears that you’re not able to hold back create wet splotches on his shirt. “I’m sorry,” you mumble, your voice muffled by the soft fabric.

“No biggie. Are you feeling alright?” he asks you. A non-committal shrug is all you respond with. “I know it was a big project for you.”

“Yeah, I don’t really know what to do now.”

Gavin bends down a little, kissing the crown of your head. “You move on, and you don’t give up.”

You fall into comfortable silence. Gavin’s thumb rubs up and down your waist, soothing you. “...Have you ever been rejected?” you suddenly ask him.

Gavin chuckles. “Sure I have. I got rejected by my very first love.”

You raise your head to look up at him. Gavin sees his own reflection in your large, teary eyes, and smiles. “And what happened then?” you ask, your voice lightly tinged with jealousy. Who was his first love?

“Well, she’s in my arms now, isn’t she?” Even though he’s embarrassed to say the words, Gavin forces himself to look at you. At those eyes that shine with love for the world, for him.

Bonus:

“Come on, I’ll take you home.” you pull out of the embrace to get your coat by the coat hanger, opening the door to head out again, like a normal person.

“How? You didn’t come here by bike, did you?”

Gavin’s already facing the window again, but he turns back with a smirk, holding his hand out to you. “I never said we were going by bike.”

“Gavin, no, babe, no, no, nonononononono—Aah!!” Your protests are cut short as Gavin swoops you into his arms bridal style and flies off. The wind rushes past your ears, almost making you miss Gavin’s gleeful laugh. “Gavin! I didn’t lock the doors!”

Kiro

On many occasions, you’re envious of Kiro’s Evol. But even without his Evol, Kiro is so bubbly and kind, you can’t help but like him. You sincerely wish you had that ability. And I know I’m supposed to make my own wishes come true, but I can only do so much to make people like me. I’m not going to bend over backwards and become a pushover just to be liked.

Still, it hurts when people are purposely mean to you. Especially during high school reunions. You were by no means a popular kid growing up...but you didn’t think that some people would still be stuck in a high school mentality. You held your own during the reunion, ignoring the backhanded compliments and blatantly condescending insults in favour of catching up with your old friends. Yet, all you can think of on the drive home are the negative comments.

“Oh, you still can’t drink alcohol? Seems like ‘someone’ hasn’t grown up yet!”

“You’re the producer of Miracle Finder? I hate that show, it’s so unrealistic.”

“Isn’t that a kids’ show?”

“My, you look adorable! My daughter also likes to wear those types of clothes, you know, to go play at the park.”

I can’t believe I missed game night with Kiro for this. With a terrible mood, you shuffle into the house. Kiro’s on the sofa playing A Chinese Ghost Story, a bag of chips on the coffee table in front of him. He turns to greet you with a smile, but it quickly falls after seeing your somber expression.

“Welcome home Miss Ch—eh? What’s wrong?” Kiro takes his headphones off to stand up in front of you. His hands instinctively move to your waist to pull you close.

“How was the gathering?” he asks carefully. His eyes are big, just like a puppy’s. Had you felt better, you would’ve commented on his cute appearance.

It’s as if that question flips a switch. “It was horrible!” you sniffle.

“Wha—Miss Chips!” Kiro grows panicked at your sniffles and sobs, and roughly pulls you to his chest. You retaliate by hugging him tightly, crying all your frustrations out on his shoulder.

Somehow, you move into a cuddling position on the living room sofa. You straddle his slender legs and his arms are wrapped around your torso, rubbing comforting circles on your back. Pulling away from his embrace, you start ranting about the terrible evening.

“...and I don’t even know why I’m this upset! It’s so frustrating. I’ve worked so hard to become who I am today, and the moment someone says something to me, I just break down. Maybe I am a child,” you look up at Kiro, eyes wide and brimming with tears, “Kiro, am I a child to you?”

Kiro chuckles. “Well, Miss Chips...sometimes you can be childish,” you jut your lip out in a pout, “b-but I’m childish too! And there’s nothing wrong with that. Some people want to grow up too fast, so they drink alcohol and dress up in dark colours and stiff fabrics to feel properly imprisoned in the ‘harsh adult world’. But most of us could be happier if we just...let our inner child out.”

He cups your cheek. “Never be ashamed of being childish, Miss Chips. It doesn’t make you a child,” a mischievous grin appears on Kiro’s youthful face, “Besides, I wouldn’t do this if I thought of you as a child!”

With the hand on your cheek, Kiro draws your face closer to his. Your lips meet in a swift kiss that takes you by surprise. He swallows the startled gasp that escapes your mouth, retaliating by slowly swiping his tongue across your bottom lip. You can feel him smile into the kiss as you lean into it, closing your eyes. Your tears are long forgotten as you tangle your hands in Kiro’s blond locks. Slowly, you part your lips, allowing Kiro’s tongue to slip into your mouth. The teasing flicks of his tongue make you go weak, and he chuckles when your grip on his hair loosens.

Kiro notices you’re growing light-headed, so he gives you time to regain your breath while he peppers little kisses on the corners of your mouth and on your swollen lips. You kissing demon.

His satisfied hum is disrupted by a vicious punch to the chest. “Ah! Miss Chips, why would you hit me?” It’s Kiro’s time to pout now.

“Who told you to do that?! You’re so sly, it’s unfair!” you scold him, cheeks flushed a bright red.

“Yes, yes,” he pets your head, “but it helped, right? You’re not upset anymore, right?”

Your face scrunches up. “I guess not...I’m still mad at you for surprising me like that,” Kiro giggles, “But thanks.” His smile is contagious, and soon you’re both in a giggling fit.

When the giggles have subsided, Kiro pushes you back into his chest. As he snuggles into your shoulder, he whispers in your ear. “Don’t worry. Every time you feel sad, I’ll be there to cheer you up.”

I’m not saying dark clothes are bad! I have a black wardrobe myself...but we all need to remember that we don’t need to be so hard on ourselves sometimes.

For some reason I’ve never properly depicted kissing like that in my writing. Ehhh, forgive me if it’s bad. Little note...do you guys know what Chinese drama ‘A Chinese Ghost Story’ is featured in?

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