so like i said i would do no more explaining but i was kinda jokey with that post when actually no i legit did put thought and purpose into this kanej playlist, so here’s a breakdown of the songs on it and which lyric(s)/to whom it applies. some of them, again, are more about the general vibe, but mostly there’s like. an actual reason i picked these songs.
kaz.
o. (not on spotify) the sewers belch me up, the heavens spit me out, from ethers tragic i am born again. [...] is it bright where you are? have the people changed? does it make you happy you're so strange? and in your darkest hour, i hold secrets' flame. you can watch the world devoured in its pain. --the end is the beginning is the end
i. god money, i’ll do anything for you. god money, just tell me what you want me to. god money, nail me up against the wall. god money, don't want everything, he wants it all. no, you can’t take it, no you can't take it, no, you can’t take that away from me. head like a hole, black as your soul, i'd rather die than give you control. bow down before the one you serve, you’re going to get what you deserve.
ii. there’s a shadow just behind me, shrouding every step i take, making every promise empty, pointing every finger at me. [...] i am just a worthless liar, i am just an imbecile. i will only complicate you. trust in me and fall as well. [...] why can we not be sober, i just want to start this over.
iii. i’d walk to you through rings of fire, and never let you know the way i feel. under skin is where i hide the love that always gets me on my knees. [...] i want it now, i want it now. don’t tell me that my ship is coming in. --nothing lasts forever
iv. one: take control of me, you’re messing with the enemy. said it’s two: it’s another trick, you’re messing with my mind. [...] there it goes again, take me to the edge again. all i got is a dirty trick, i’m chasing down the wolves to save you. i tell you i want you, i tell you i need you. the blood on my face, i just wanted you near me. --club foot
v. don’t waste your touch, you won’t feel anything. or were you sent to save me? i’ve thought too much, you won’t find anything worthy of redeeming. [...] reach out and you may take my heart away. --the leaving song, part two
vi. while i waited, i was wasting away, hope was wasting away, faith was wasting away, i was wasting away. [...] inside a crumbling effigy, but you promised. so dies all innocence, but you promised me. --the great disappointment
vii. welcome to the end of eras, ice has melted back to life, done my time and served my sentence, dress me up and watch me die. if it feels good, tastes good, it must be mine. dynasty decapitated, you just might see a ghost tonight. [...] the crown. so close i could taste it, i see what’s mine and take it. --the emperor’s new clothes
viii. all my friends were glorious, tonight we are victorious. [...] i’m a killing spree in white, eyes like broken christmas lights. my touch is black and poisonous. [...] throw the bait, catch the shark, bleed the water red. fifty words for murder, and i’m every one of them.
ix. just like romantic verses, just like a joyous end, just like a memory, it twists me. you land as lightly as the new snow onto the melting boy. you land as gently, you’re so cinematic, bathed in your radiance, i melt. --this celluloid dream
x. i’ll describe the way i feel: weeping wounds that never heal. can this savior be for real, or are you just my seventh seal? no hesitation, no delay, you come on just like special k, now you’re back, the dope demand, i’m on sinking sand. [...] i’ll describe the way i feel: you’re my new achilles heel.
xi. i choose to live and to grow, take and give and to move, learn and love and to cry, kill and die and to be paranoid and to lie, hate and fear and to do what it takes to move through. i choose to live and to lie, kill and give and to die, learn and love and to do what it takes to step through. [...] i’ve been crawling on my belly, clearing out what could have been. --forty-six and two
xii. do you listen to yourself? never live for someone else. do you like the way you feel? nothing hurts when no one’s real. [...] i wanna bullet-proof your soul, would you like to lose control? i won’t let you fall until you tell me so. [...] should have listened when you called my name.
xiii. you have forsaken all the love you’ve taken, sleeping on a razor, there’s nowhere left to fall. your body’s aching, every bone is breaking, nothing seems to shake it, it just keeps holding on. [...] i thread the needle through, you beat the devil’s tattoo.
xiv. i’m insane, but on my toes. i can keep the world balanced on my nose. i had a slumber party with all my foes, now i wear ‘em like a badge of honor on my clothes. if i’m crazy, i’m on my own. if i’m waiting, it’s on my throne. [...] can’t stop me now, i said i got you now. i’m right here at your door, i won’t leave, i want more. --what’s up, danger?
xv. the world is a vampire sent to drain, secret destroyers hold you up to the flames. and what do i get for my pain? betrayed desires and a piece of the game. [...] despite all my rage, i am still just a rat in a cage. --bullet with butterfly wings
xvi. can’t you see i’m sorry? i will make it worth your while. i’m made of dead men’s money, you can see it in my smile. oh, lazarus, how did your debt get paid? [...] when the fires, when the fires are consuming you, and your sacred stars won’t be guiding you, i’ve got blood, i’ve got blood on my name.
xvii. “oh don’t talk of love,” the shadows purr, murmuring me away from you. “don’t talk of worlds that never were, the end is all that’s ever true.” [...] every night i burn, every night i scream your name.
xviii. my heart’s a tart, your body’s rent, my body’s broken, yours is bent. carve your name into my arm, instead of stressed, i lie here charmed. [...] like the naked leads the blind, i know i’m selfish, i’m unkind. sucker love, i always find someone to bruise and leave behind. --every you, every me
xix. it don’t matter, i won’t do what you say. you’ve got the money and the power, i won’t go your way. i can’t take for the people, they don’t matter at all. i’ll be waiting in the shadows, until the day that you fall. [...] kill me if you dare, hold my head up everywhere. --underdog
.
inej.
i. i’m a princess cut from marble, smoother than a storm, and the scars that mark my body, they’re silver and gold. my blood is a flood of rubies, precious stones, it keeps my veins hot, the fire’s found a home in me. [...] and i’m locking up everyone who ever laid a finger on me. i’m done with it, oh, this is the start of how it all ends. --yellow flicker beat
ii. just how deep do you believe? will you bite the hand that feeds? will you chew until it bleeds? can you get up off your knees? are you brave enough to see? do you wanna change it?
iii. i know it’s a lie, i want it to be true. the rest of the ride is riding on you. [...] wishing you could keep me closer, i’m a lazy dancer, when you move i move with you. --collect call
iv. don’t look ahead, there’s stormy weather, another roadblock in our way. but if we go, we go together, our hands are tied here if we stay. oh, we said our dreams would carry us and if they don’t fly, we will run. now we push right past to find out how to win what they all lost. oh, we know that we want more, oh, the life we’re fighting for. [...] there are no rules that we can’t break. --disparate youth
v. as i move my feet towards your body, i can hear this beat, it fills my head up and gets louder and louder. i run to the river and dive straight in. i pray that the water will drown out the din. [...] there’s a drumming noise inside my head and it starts when you’re around. --drumming song
vi. shoot me down, but i get up. i’m bulletproof, nothing to lose. fire away, fire away. ricochet, you take your aim. fire away, fire away. shoot me down, but i won’t fall, i am titanium.
vii. you’ve been walking, you’ve been hiding, and you look half-dead half the time. monitoring you, like machines do, you’ve still got it, i’m just keeping an eye. you say too late to start, with your heart in a headlock. i don’t believe any of it.
viii. i’m in need of a savior, but i’m not asking for favors. my whole life i’ve felt like a burden, i think too much and i hate it. i’m so used to being in the wrong, i’m tired of caring. loving never gave me a home, so i’ll sit here in the silence. i found peace in your violence, can’t tell me there’s no point in trying. i’m at one, and i’ve been quiet for too long.
ix. i am running, i will meet you halfway. when i get there, will you be waiting for me? and i’m scared that you don’t feel the same. and after all, just how much can i take? heaven help me, i think i’m in love, i’m all in love with you. ‘cause i can’t help myself, i’m falling down, i’m falling hard for you.
x. i never promised you an open heart or charity, i never wanted to abuse your imagination. i come with knives, i come with knives and agony to love you.
xi. stooped down and out, you got me beggin’ for thread to sew this hole up that you ripped it my head. stupidly think you had it under control. strapped down to something you don’t understand, don’t know what you were getting yourself into. you should have known, secretly i think you knew.
xii. go row the boat to safer grounds, but don’t you know? we’re stronger now. my heart still beats, and my skin still feels. my lungs still breathe, my mind still fears. but we’re running out of time, all the echoes in my mind cry. there’s blood on your lies, the scars open wide. there is nowhere for you to hide, the hunter’s moon is shining. i’m running with the wolves tonight.
xiii. a falling star fell from your heart and landed in my eyes. i screamed aloud as it tore through them and now it’s left me blind. the stars, the moon, they have all been blown out, you’ve left me in the dark. no dawn, no day, i’m always in this twilight, in the shadow of your heart. [...] i took the stars from my eyes and then i made a map, i knew that somehow i could find the way back. then i heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness, too. so i stayed in the darkness with you. --cosmic love
.
both/and.
i. shed a tear for each soul set free, but that’s what happens when you dance with me. pity the man who stands in my way, i’m a nightmare even in the day. i’d be wise with which words you say, ‘cause they could be the last breath you take. [...] call me a criminal, maybe, baby, i’m an outlaw. you know, i ain’t evil but i ain’t a saint.
ii. it’s my own design, it’s my own remorse. help me to decide. help me make the most of freedom, and of pleasure. nothing ever lasts forever. everybody wants to rule the world. there’s a room where the light won’t find you, holding hands while the walls come tumbling down. when they do i’ll be right behind you.
iii. i know you’ve suffered, but i don’t want you to hide. [...] i want to reconcile the violence in your heart, i want to recognize your beauty’s not just a mask. i want to exorcise the demons from your past. i want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart.
iv. you mean that much to me and it’s hard to show. gets hectic inside of me when you go. can i confess these things to you? well, i don’t know. embedded in my chest and it hurts to hold. i couldn’t spill my heart, my eyes gleam looking in from the dark. i walk out in stormy weather, hold my words, keep us together. steady walking but bound to trip, should release but just tighten my grip. night time, sympathize, i’ve been working on white lies. so i’ll tell the truth.
v. i, i came here in day, but i left here in darkness and found you, found you on the way. [...] your sins into me, oh my beautiful one. --silver and cold
vi. you wanna make me bad, make me bad. you wanna pay me back, pay me back. baby, it’s violence, violence. [...] but i like it like that.
vii. hey, baby, can you bleed like me? oh, come on baby, can you bleed like me? you should see my scars.
viii. i’m giving you a night call, to tell you how i feel. i’m gonna show you where it’s dark but have no fear. [...] there’s something inside you, it’s hard to explain. they’re talking about you, boy, but you’re still the same.
ix. you don’t wanna hurt me, but see how deep the bullet lies. unaware that i’m tearing you asunder, and there’s a thunder in our hearts, baby. so much hate for the ones we love, tell me we both matter, don’t we? [...] come on baby, come on, come on darling, let me steal this moment from you now. --running up that hill
x. feel my heart burning, deep inside, yearning. i know it is coming. a fettered heart, waking. tainted youth, fading. leave it all behind. delirious again, mesmerize my senses, souls entwine one more time.
xi. there is love in your body but you can’t get it out, it gets stuck in your head, won’t come out of your mouth. sticks to your tongue and it shows on your face, that the sweetest of words have the bitterest taste. darling heart, i loved you from the start, but you'll never know what a fool i have been. darling heart, i loved you from the start, but that’s no excuse for the state i am in. --hardest of hearts
xii. it’s fire, it’s freedom, it’s flooding open. it’s the preacher and the pulpit and your blind devotion. there’s something breaking at the brick of every wall, it’s holding all that you know. so tell me do you wanna go? where it’s covered in all the colored lights, where the runaways are running the nights. impossible comes true, it’s taking over you. [...] where the lost get found and we crown ‘em the circus king. --the greatest show
xiii. but if you’re troubled and hurt, what you got under your shirt will make them pay for the things they did. they said now, teenagers scare the living shit out of me. they could care less, as long as someone will bleed. so darken your clothes and strike a violent pose, maybe they’ll leave you alone, but not me.
xiv. we are ready for the siege, we are armed up to the teeth. be careful how you live and breathe, release what’s broken underneath. how many times do you wanna die? how many ways do you wanna die? [...] you used to do a little but a little won’t fly, right before you hit your prime. that’s where we fell in love but not the first time. --the royal we
xv. and how can we win, when fools can be kings? don’t waste your time, or time will waste you. no one’s gonna take me alive. the time has come to make things right. you and i must fight for our rights, you and i must fight to survive. --knights of cydonia
xvi. look at me go, look at me high and low, look at me picking myself back up from the underground. i’ve died a few times before, i know what it’s like when i can’t see the light, i find a light of my own. [...] we were born alone, and we die alone. what a way to go, now i’m on my own. but i’m not sorry, no.
xvii. broken people, hollow and feeble, they’re rolling, rolling up the hill. [...] breaking in, in, in my eyes, i can’t see like this. i can’t let go, please help me down, i can’t be like this. --sweet
xviii. prey on the powerful, masters of the game, we run with wolves in the shadows, we chase ‘em down ‘til we’re face to face. [...] it’s in our blood, in our blood, in our veins. this is the world we made.
xix. and our lives are forever changed, we will never be the same. the more you change the less you feel. believe, believe in me. believe, believe that life can change, that you’re not stuck in vain. we’re not the same, we’re different tonight. [...] we’ll make things right, we’ll feel it all tonight. we’ll find a way to offer up the night tonight, the indescribable moments of your life, tonight. the impossible is possible tonight. believe in me as i believe in you, tonight.
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Six of crows Modern au: Car/Mechanic Edition
(These are just random headcanons there’s no real story here just ideas I needed to share)
The car obsession starts the summer Kaz and Jesper are thirteen and Mr. Fahey finally lets them work on that old broken down ford mustang that had been rotting away in the garage since before the Fahey’s even owned the farm
By some miracle, and some car knowledge Jesper had no idea Kaz possessed, they some how got that car to turn on the day before school was supposed to start
Mr. Fahey was so proud he decided to teach the boys how to drive
When they were sixteen they both managed to get jobs at the local garage by Kaz’s apartment
It’s mostly just to clean up after the real mechanics but they start helping out more and more throughout their time there and eventually they’re allowed to actually work on the cars that come in
Jesper buys his car first because as a high school graduation gift his dad agreed to pay for half
It’s a beat up old dodge challenger with chipped orange paint but he absolutely loves the thing
Him and Kaz fix it up and give it a clean paint job and it becomes their baby
Kaz doesn’t buy his own car
Because he has other expenses he needs to take care of so he can never save enough
On his ninteenth birthday Mr. Fahey gifts him the car they fixed up way back when and Kaz is so grateful
And if he’s honest he wouldn’t have wanted any other car because what’s better than a mustang?
He paints it black and for the next few years he works on it until it becomes his ideal car
Throwing some Kanej in here because I’m trash:
Despite the fact that he practically built it, Kaz hates Inej’s car
They were on the way to a dealership to buy her a car because she needed one but on the way there they passed the old car lot filled with rotting parts and just mere skeletons of vehicles
She yelled at him to stop and he did...and he sighed because with her face pressed up against the wire fence she was grinning at a purple beetle that had overgrown weeds coming out of the headlights
“You know it won’t end up being Herbie, right?”
“I’ll pay you to fix it”
He gave in, of course
The owner of the garage let him use it outside of work hours to work on her car
He paid out of his own pocket for the parts he needed and he just spent so much time and effort into that car
And plus, those late nights were worth it because Inej would always come by with food and they’d sit at the messy old work bench where Inej would later fall asleep at while he continued to work
Another thing that made it worth it is the fact that Inej really likes watching him work
Because it’s hot
And it sometimes lead to him being pulled away for a few moments to satisfy her before being allowed to get back to work
Okay but back to the car- yeah Kaz hates it
Because the day he was supposed to give it to Inej, after all that suspense, it doesn’t start
And over and over again after that it just breaks down constantly
Kaz literally drives a car he fixed up when he was a kid and this car he builds after years of experience doesn’t even work
However, Inej loves it
So much
Because of the fact that Kaz built it and its occasional breakdown always led to him driving over to help her even if she’s in the middle of no where and he was busy he’ll still always come and she gets the chance to see him leaning over the hood of her little car which is a sight she would never give up
When Kaz finally opens his own garage Inej is his first customer and her reward is never having to make an appointment to bring her car in after that
It makes some of his other, real customers mad though when they’ve made an appointment but then this little purple beetle pulls up and takes their spot
Kaz gets threats about them leaving him to go to another mechanic and he just shrugs
“My girl comes first appointment or not so either wait or good luck finding someone else to take you on such short notice”
There’s one night when Inej was sitting on top of Kaz’s car as he worked underneath it
And she asked him why he loved it all so much
Cars and all that
She hears him stop working but he doesn’t roll out from underneath
“My mom’s family owned a garage, she practically grew up in it. She taught me what she could before,” he paused, and Inej didn’t push him to continue. He never spoke about her, in the years she’d known him she didn’t even know his mom’s name. “I went back to buy the place but they tore it down,” he finally said after a minute
“You have this place now, at least, I’m sure she would have loved it”
“Yeah, she would have.” and that was it before he continued working
Jesper doesn’t know any of this
Because he thinks Kaz’s reasoning is the same as his
Cars are just... so much fun
I’m gonna stop here but just guys Kaz and Jesper being more in love with their cars than like anything else
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Tagged by: @radar-technician (You are going to make my heart burst, Mads, you sweet woman. Thank you <3 )
What is your total word count on AO3?
22632 (But I’m updating one of my fics tonight hopefully so it’ll go up roughly 3000)
How often do you write?
I write as often as I can. Working full-time makes it so it isn’t always daily, but I spend my entire day off chained to my laptop to make up for it.
Do you have a routine for writing?
If it’s a new story then I sit down and write an entire outline with chapter by chapter breakdowns and then I make a full playlist of songs that belong to that fic. Once that’s done, I pull up my breakdown in one tab, my designated music playlist in another, and finally the fic itself. Sometimes I deviate from the outline a little bit or I want to listen to something a little different. If it’s late at night or I’m exhausted then I usually have an energy drink of some variety. I don’t like to stop mid scene if I can help it, so much of my fics are done in three sittings. The first draft, the beta reading, and then edits/rewrites.
What’s your favorite kinks/tropes/pairing?
kinks: Oh no, there are so many hhhhh.Tantric sex. Sensory overload. Exhaustion. Praise/worship. Semi-public/Risk of getting caught(don’t @ me). Fingers in mouth???(Also don’t @ me). Dirty talk. Lawyers. Professors. Deliciously sophisticated and in a suit god yes please.
tropes: enemies to friends to lovers/pretend couple/mutual pining/ust/crime aus
pairing: reylo is my #1 right now. But I also adore LoVe (Veronica Mars x Logan Echolls), Kanej (Kaz Brekker x Inej Ghafa from Six of Crows) and HanLeia was my first OTP ever so it holds a special place in my heart.
Do you have a favorite fic of yours?
My favorite fic of mine is one that I haven’t posted anywhere. I spent hours plotting it out and laying everything exactly how I wanted only to decide that maybe I shouldn’t post it because it’s super self indulgent and edgy for no reason. It’s an AU with a detective Rey Kenobi on the hunt for Ben Solo, famed neurologist who worked for a shady pharmaceuticals company and is the man who killed Luke Skywalker.
BUT, my eternal WIP aside, I’d have to say that I’m still in love with this ficlet featuring a cape wearing Ben Solo who isn’t Force sensitive and was practically raised by Lando Calrissian(The one true love of my life.) I hope to someday make something bigger out of it. Maybe when I finish my current AU.
Your fic with the most kudos?
My piano AU Found a Flower in a Field of Weeds has the most kudos. It’s my first long fic on AO3 and is still a wip. I’m fairly new to the writing game so none of my works even have 100 kudos LMAO
Anything you don’t like about your writing?
I dislike MOST things about my writing. I used to write a lot more confidently when I was younger, but I had a few people who I cared about a lot tell me that I was a terrible writer and that I should just stick to what I’m good at. I struggle finding balance in keeping my writing from being too wordy/boring. I’ve been told that I suffer from purple prose syndrome and so I’m VERY paranoid about it.
Now something you do like?
I love the process of making a story. The hours I spend plotting out these stories are the best hours of my life. I LOVE reading, so it brings me that most amazing feeling to know that I’m writing something that someone else might want to read. Character growth and exploring AUs are my two favorite things in this whole wide world and I love that I can do that.
Tagging: @hyperphonic (Because Featherweight and all of your lovely ficlets are SO wonderful <3)
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