#i’m already eating this up actually.
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definitely not caught on cleo warning pearl about bigb’s track record with being boogeyman and bdubs defending him with “you wouldn’t know what it’s like.” definitely not
#like holy shit. boogey drama how i’ve missed you#nosy neighbors already making my brain spin tbh#person with the One big betrayal on his back#+ person who’s been burned before that people now know not to mess with#i’m already eating this up actually.#limited life spoilers#limited life smp
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hi.
#i know most of you didn’t even realize i was gone#but man…#my mental health was like in a state of 📉📉📉 in the past 30 days like we love being mentally ill and fucking insane <3#it was mostly bc i panicked and started obsessing over possible water damage in my flat kind of out of nowhere#like it started when my landlord came to check my bathroom bc my downstairs neighbours had water stains on their ceiling back in july#which had been caused by their shower curtain apparently but i was already spiraling when my landlord told me so i was sure it was my fault#i was assuming it was bc of me bc i had sometimes been spilling some of my bathwater and i was like WHAT IF IT HAS GONE THROUGH THE FLOOR?#and it didn't help that it has been hot af and very humid in my apartment LIKE WELL OVER 25 DEGREES AND 60% HUMIDITY#anyways i couldn’t shake this not matter what i tried and my fucking insane brain made me think i was going to get arrested for like#flooding the whole building or for causing some sort of mold infestation#i had SO MANY panic attacks; i wasn't able to sleep; i wasn't able to eat; i was on edge and panicky basically 24/7 so fun fun fun :D#and i kept waking up in the middle of the night and HAD to go check my walls or the space below my kitchen#it was compulsory like i couldn't not get up and go check and tbh i would've thrown out all of my furniture if i could've to check for mold#(and shhhh i know how fucking insane this sounds but having a mentally ill brain that's anxious all the time does suck ass sometimes 🥲)#(the worst thing about it tho was that i was SO AWARE of how insane about this i was being and yet i couldn't stop losing my mind over it)#(also i was so ready to move tf outta here bc i couldn't handle being triggered 24/7 which is why my mom let me stay with her last week )#i was so out of it that i couldn't even let myself do the things i usually enjoy... like at all#like watching my shows or spending any ungodly amount of time on tumblr... or replying to messages i got from people who i love#ig this goes to show HOW bad this actually was for me mentally bc usually tumblr and my shows are like my safe place#anyways we finally had a leak detection dude come over today and we had him check the water levels in my walls#and he said everything is fine and he specifically told me i should stop worrying about any water damage BC THERE IS NO WATER DAMAGE#he also said that the weather has just been insanely humid this year so it's not surprising that the humidity levels are higher than usual#i’m still a bit scared about some possible mold but ig this is good enough for now#i am aware how ridiculous this must sound for anyone who's reading this now but couldn't let it go not even with meds so let me live pls :(#TLDR I WAS GOING THROUGH IT BUT I AM BACK I THINK AND I AM MOST LIKELY GOING TO START BOTHERING YOU WITH MY GIFS AGAIN <3#AND I JUST REALIZED I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN ANY OF THE HEART KILLERS STUFF YET ASIDE FROM ONE OR TWO PICS LIKE :(#OH AND I NEED TO START WATCHING SUMMER NIGHT ;_;#sabrina talks#@AIRENYAH GIRL I AM SO SORRY I WILL PROBABLY REPLY TO YOUR MESSAGES LATER TODAY OR TOMORROW MORNING ;_;<3
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Hunger games simulator but it's just Kross aus
OH MY GOD you’re so right. hang on
#i ran out of aus and had to get kind of obscure so death’s doorstep and sondertale and like. dogfight and doomsday are there#also this got me thinking about like. legitimate hunger games with the kross aus so i’m gonna talk about that for a bit#excluding forces of nature and fear the forest i think the guys that have the best chance of winning are#the proximity guys. both of them#chains and rings#and *maybe* rental suits killer. both of them and their chances would be heightened if they worked together#my reasoning for proximity is just. think about it#they’ve basically been living the hunger games the whole time#they absolutely have the survival skills. and they’re bonded like shelter dogs so they’d definitely end up working together#chains and rings would be good at fighting i think. so at the start they’d just go ham and wreck people’s shit#but i doubt they’d have the survival skills for it#they fight in a controlled area and they’ve never needed to scavenge for resources like the aka guys have#so they could get places in terms of conflict but i doubt they’d be able to sustain themselves super long#but i dunno they still have a chance#and for rental suits i definitely think killer could go places#like. he already kinda scavenges for stuff. he’s had to fend for himself for the most part. he knows to get stuff. y’know what i mean#i’m doing a trash job of explaining it but like. you know#and if he and cross decided to like actually commit and work together they’d have more of a chance#cause cross is better with like. strategy and like. medical attention#so if killer did the fighting and cross was methodical about stuff like what could be safe to eat and first aid#they might kinda have a chance#i don’t think they have like. the strong relationship aka kross would have and they’re probably not that physically strong#cause they live generally normal modern lives#so i don’t think they’d win. but they could get somewhere#ANYWAY final thoughts i think aka cross and killer might win in those circumstances. out of the main aus anyway#answering asks#denieatsart asks#deni!!
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holy fuck, this gives the zenin so much more lore than what we got in the manga. like the potential is right there to have this great inter-clan generational dispute and cold war but gege just breezes past it and then gets rid of it completely.
with all this cool new shut we’re getting about them, im almost glad that megumi was born a boy. like could you imagine just how much worse the zenin would have been to him if he was a girl? they already have the whole misogyny thing going for them and then their version of jesus pops up and it turns out that it’s a girl who wields their prized technique?
god, i can’t imagine just how much more controlling they would be towards megs, although im still not sure if the whole training until ur bones fall off would still happen. i feel like naoya would be different towards megs but we also know that the zenin are totally okay with incest so i hate where that would go.
It would have been bad.
See, I think the entire training until your bones fall off thing would still happen, but there would be an added layer of cruelty towards it. Because megumi was a little boy who was being trained in a way that even adults couldn’t have handled, so of course he spent a lot of time getting hit and a lot of time crumpling under the pressure and exhaustion. There are very, very few instances where he remembers actually leaving the training room on his own two feet. He usually was pushed until he collapsed and woke up later in the room they kept for him. But if he was a little girl in the same circumstances? They’d make every “failing” about her sex. They’d blame her being a girl for it and constantly use it as a source of sneering superiority.
It would also be bad because she would very much be seen as a source of descendants. Boy Megumi wouldn’t necessarily be exempt from that, but it would happen sooner for girl Megumi.
Bloodline is very important to the Zenin. Inheriting power, techniques—they want to continue the flow of power through the generations. And most of the Zenin clan (and the wider jujutsu world) believe that Megumi is the most powerful Zenin alive right now, if not Gojo’s equal, and the only reason why hes being graded as a Grade Two sorcerer is because gojo’s purposefully sabotaging his development. Like. Mindset is a huge amount of jujutsu ability. Yuuta went from getting beaten up by normal high schoolers to having some combat ability but needing inumaki to handle a semi grade one to being the second most powerful person alive in the span of a few months. He absolutely blitzed the previous second most powerful person alive when he would have lost that same fight a few hours previous. There’s a lot of people convinced Megumi’s on Gojo’s level but he’s been keeping him on a leash since childhood. But the powers still there in his blood.
That’s power the Zenin want to pass on, regardless of gender. But as a boy, Megumi’s got a little bit more leeway—men are accepted as warriors first in the clan, and age won’t affect his ability to procreate. If megumi was a girl? She’s got that goddamn biological clock ticking down. As the ten shadows, I think the Zenin would still expect her as a warrior, but they’d also have a fucking quota she needs to fill before the clock hits zero. And they’d have some very proprietary concerns about making sure no one outside of the clan has a chance to become involved with her. They’d want her to stay within the clan with her partners. And they’d be absolutely creepy and weird about how they went about it. It’s a little bit of a mercy that Megumi’s a boy.
#sea glass gardens#the Zenin already see boy megumi as their property#girl megumi? she’d be doomed#they already see women as property#they’d take a fucking hit out on yuuji I can tell you that#I’m a shameless itafushi shipper and while I don’t really write genderbend I don’t see a reason to change shipping them if I did#yuuji has this angry scary pretty girl who for some reason is down to hold his hand and then her fucking cousins hire a sniper#editing tags because I have more to say it’s one of my flaws#there’s so much of Megumi’s situation as a kid that was just horrible and miserable and full of pain#there were so many times he woke up in that stupid room too beaten up and bruised and exhausted to move#he was too tired to summon his dogs for comfort#and the Zenin hated when he treated his shikigami as pets anyway#I like to think megumi was actually scared of the dark when he was a kid#he was a child who saw monsters and didn’t have an explanation for them#they terrified him#his sister had a monster in the hall closet that wanted to eat her and he tried to be brave but he shook every time it came out#and it only came out at night#he was six. he was afraid of the dark.#he never told the Zenin but he could tell they somehow knew#his room was always kept so dark and there was never a nightlight permitted#he’d just wake up in the pitch and never know if anything was in there with him#he was hurt. he couldn’t move. and he was afraid of the dark#and sometimes megumi feels like he’s still that fucking six year old who got lugged from the training room unconscious and dumped in#the dark alone
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much bigger problem than nebulous feelings abt romance. i do not grocery shop properly for stoned eve’s feelings on food.
#where is the SALTTTTT . where are the CARBSSSSS#not to say i avoid carbs. just that i don’t buy salty snack foods#bc i don’t really crave them except while inebriated but i will scarf them down without actually Wanting them.#so i just don’t buy them. to avoid the mindless binge snacking.#it wouldn’t even matter if i HAD bought them bc i would’ve eaten them already via said mindless binge snacking. source: every other time#but i’m still annoyeddddd. and i don’t want to stand in front of the stove for how long it takes to fry up pierogis#i SHOULD eat something so i don’t feel outrageously awful in 7hrs. but like greek yogurt is not gonna hit the spot.#i want . sea salt green pea crisps… penne shaped snack come home to me…..#times like this i yearn for the 24hr convenience of nyc
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I can’t even imagine living without anxiety. Like. How. What?
#I mean if I woke up tomorrow with a normal amount of anxiety it would be a shocking difference to my daily life. and I am medicated!!! like.#what? am I missing something here?#my mom tells me that meds can only do so much and that they’re really just meant to make it so you can get out of bed every day#but now I’m wondering like is that true or is that my mom is on the wrong dose herself and something could be done to help us both#gahhhhh idk I just feel helpless bc I’m scared of making big changes and the big changes have to make are scary and large and I need a#bulleted list made of things I can do (and break down into very small steps) to actually progress in a positive way in my life instead of#being SO afraid and SO stagnant. it’s been six months since (ptsd diagnosis causing thing) and I don’t feel like I’ve made any progress even#with a therapist. I’m working towards a more intensive program but I feel like it’s almost making me feel more alienated bc I’d have to like#go be surrounded by other mentally ill people and medical people which brings dad dying trauma and like I know I’m running from it bc I’m#afraid to face the changes I need to make and the feelings that are going to come up but fuck man can’t I get some fucking meds that make#this easier to deal with!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! grief and ptsd and long term isolation and anxiety and chronic pain like fuck it’s#so exhausting!!!! I feel like I’m fucking fighting thru life and then from the outside it’s like I’m doing nothing cause I stay in my room#and get stoned and play animal crossing and watch tv and cry and over eat and sometimes I drive around in circles so I can scream sing until#my throat burns and I get a headache and everything finally quiets down in my head for a second. I know I look like I’m doing nothing and#that’s because I am doing nothing but waiting for the next time a mental health professional will talk to me for an hour like it’s so sad#anyways. you ever take a big dab and then start crying and type all of this like it’s an epiphany even tho it’s things you already know.#honestly crying in front of the air conditioner is so slay slight breeze over my face cooling the tears the white noise calming me down
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Why must dieting be absolutely fucking miserable
#ed blogs please dni i am not associated with you#i’ve only been calorie counting for 2.5 days and i’m already SICK OF THIS#why is every food i like to eat like 200 calories per mouthful#i’m planning dinner because i’m SO hungry already and why is a dollop of mayonnaise like the same amount of calories#as a whole can of butter beans. what’s the reason for that#i’m NOT switching to light mayo. at that point i’d rather just cut mayo from my diet altogether#light mayo; reduced fat margarine; light cream cheese & reduced salt marmite all taste horrendous to me#light cheddar as well. i’m not eating it!!!#don’t get me started on having to cut out weed because i will just start crying#being sober turns me into such a hater but the last thing i need is anything that will increase my appetite#i’ll be fine in like a week once my body adapts to eating 2074 calories instead of like fucking… 3000 or whatever it was#most of which were junk. i’m very sad that i can’t eat more than one sweet or piece of chocolate per day but i’m just trying not to think#about it. and while i’m on the subject; since when are fibre one brownies so boring. i feel like they used to taste legitimately good#i’m going to take up running again. because then i will be able to eat more. but also i will be hungrier. i CANNOT win#they really need to invent a low calorie food that actually tastes good to me. every time i google it i’m like eurgh#celery and nuts. fuck off#if i didn’t have arthritis in my knee and a family history of heart problems i wouldn’t be doing this shit but alas! i probably should#i just want to take like 20kg of strain off my knees it should not be this hard. and yet!#personal
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#weird shit nobody talks about is grief and chronic illness#i have irritable bowel syndrome#and i’ve been traveling for several months#when i was in the US last yr it was a dark time for my health#constant flare ups#because of the stress i was under#from my shit ass job#anyways since i’ve been traveling i feel amazing#little to no flare ups#and little pain from eating#which.. is partly bc i can avoid my allergens easier like onions#because countries actually put a whole ingredients list on the menus but not the US lol#but holy fucking shit#in the past 72 hours i’ve been in so much pain#i’m having a flare up because of this tragedy#also because i was stupid and ate grapes yesterday#god i miss grapes 😭#anyways. it’s comparably better to when my grandma died when i was studying abroad in the same city i’m in now#and was grieving all alone#because i’m medicated properly now#but yeah. it just sucks#i’m already in enough pain emotionally and mentally because of this#but now i’m in physical pain too and can’t leave my house to get the fresh air i desperately need rn
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Mental health shit is kicking my ass but at least I have my silly guys
#keese draws#eternal gales#oc art#oc#my birthday is in a few days btw wish me luck#I’m trying to be excited best I can but yknow#I’m hoping that my friends and family do a good job at distracting me from the horrors for all that#which I’m sure they will they do a great job at keeping me from losing my shit on days like that#we’re going to eat good food and play games and it’s going to be fun and I’ll be happy#just need to hold out and not freak out too much in the meantime lol#but yeah I’ve been considering tweaking a couple of the staliens antennae recently#hence the mason#but I’m not sure if I’ll commit#most of the cast has fairly distinct antennae from eachother with mason being the main problem child to me#if I was willing to draw more detailed antennae then I’d go absolutely ham with everyone’s antennae but I’m not so#I’m mostly thinking abt this because I drew odile as a stalien a few days ago and gave her some fancy antennae#in my minds eye her antennae are Huge and she uses the to help read carved languages#the actual main stalien cast have very normal not noteworthy antennae except for sorta beats but having two pairs isn’t even that uncommon#but admittedly I am half tempted to try giving one of them huge antennae simply because it’d be fun to draw#but none of them rly fit the bill for that except maybe butter but they already have long ass ears they don’t need both#I should rly go fill out everyone’s toyhouse bios at some point I did like two or three a few weeks ago then gave up#and I didn’t even do any of the staliens I think I just did aris and sier#I also need to fix their mini playlists I have on their profiles but that can wait#anyways I now need to do some fun 2 am cleaning I was supposed to do hours ago#I got distracted drawing
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To follow up on what previous anon wrote (I'm not that anon to be clear) but thank you also for writing the truth about Nia and calling PB out on her way too favorable treatment which led to her unofficially becoming a main character in this book.
Refreshing to read seeing as not a lot of people saw an issue with that, but the problem is IT REALLY WAS AN ISSUE and I hope to not see that in book 3. Like ffs we are the main character, not her.
Yeah, I mean it wasn’t necessarily meant to be a call out. It was more so me just venting my frustrations, but of course I agree with you about how annoying and detrimental to MC’s story it was. I really just don’t get why they would center a supporting character that much, but it’s not like they haven’t done it before in other series. I think it’s just that in this particular situation MC and Nia basically switch roles, whereas in other series like OH and TRR certain characters got much more screen time, development, and care than they should have, but the MCs still felt like the main characters for the most part
#choices bolas#choices blades#blades of light and shadow#choices stories you play#playchoices#well except for in OH 3#Ethan was already eating up far too much of the story in books 1 and 2 but I think they took it to a whole new level in 3#now that I’m thinking about it again the way they favored and centered Ethan might have been even worse than Nia#and I say might have been bc OH is not fresh in my mind like Blades is#but it’s def impossible to forget how insane the writing in that series made me 💀😵💫#like Ethan is still one of the Choices characters I hate the most to this day#whereas I don’t actually hate or particularly dislike Nia#there were just certain parts of her personality that were a bit grating#and again it was annoying how she was basically written to be the MC#choices#choices app#choices ask
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Can’t afford my gender affirming beers so I guess I have to start smoking the eight I bought like 6 months ago before I promptly stopped smoking
#joking#mostly#unless …?#eaii#fuck I’m so#I can’t afford anything because I had to pay off my credit with what I was able to save from my last pay check#I asked my ‘gf’ to pay groceries this week (for the first time literally ever) and it turned into a fight#I’m back as a wage slave which is good because yay income#but I haven’t worked a job where the 30 min break is enforced in. well actually ever#it was definitely supposed to be at my first job but my manager regularly took hour+ long breaks and so he let the rest of us do the same#and god fucking damn#I cannot believe that by law a 6hr shift only warrants a 30 min unpaid break#it took me 10 min to get out to get food 10 min to get food and eat and then 10 min to get back#what the hell!!#like I already didn’t want to kms because I didn’t have time to make food to bring before my shift so I had to spend my last dollars on food#I took as many hours as possible this week but we’re at the beginning of a pay period so I don’t actually get paid for another two weeks#idk what I’m going to do#I feel fucking terrible begging my dad for money#maybe I should start doing sex for hire again#any money I put away to save is always used up to pay for bills#which isn’t a unique problem but is a vicious cycle to escape
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i have COVID for the second time ever. got it from my dad who probably got it from spending all his time at breweries.
i’m mostly fine but my throat has itchy painful golf balls in it, my lower back is killing me, and i have almost the lowest level headache possible, just enough to not be able to ignore it.
anyway i’m just venting bc i’m grumpy and mildly out of it.
#he’s coughing like crazy but otherwise fine#i am not coughing at all thankfully#i’m just bitter and grumpy bc i’m so fucking careful bc i know how much this could fuck with my health#and then i catch it in my own home#also my meds are both crazy appetite suppressants#and my throat is sore enough that it’s physically painful to eat#and i’m not stuffed up but everything still tastes bland as hell#anyway eating is a chore and i’m trying so so hard to eat enough#but i hate it#water is good i’m chugging water like crazy#but food feels like i have to physically force it down each time#and like. the Bad part of me is like ‘good we can lose weight’#but the ACTUAL me is like ‘1. we need food to get better 2. we are trying to GAIN muscle not lose weight’#‘and 3. ur already having fainting spells again and u reallt don’t want that’#brains (and bodies) are a whole lotta work#i’m gonna go eat a plum bc at least i fucking love plums#take that brain/body! 🖕#venting#personal
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i just loved that the writers were like mark of cain dean slowly becomes more and more barbaric and inhuman as he can’t control this primordial, gaping wound in the form of an already healed over scar that has been borne by the devil himself and is in fact what made him the devil and therefore will make dean long and lust after maiming and ultimately murdering people with an urge stronger than any love or passion or resolution he’s ever experienced in his life And Also He’s A Huge Misogynist
well. TO BE FAIR. you have just kind of described dean when he is normal also.
#this is dean winchester we are talking about. on the ‘we hate women’ show.#god I feel like I’m gonna get to the Mark in my rewatch and the hype will have built it up too much#the mark in my head is so cool you guys have no idea because I never talk about it but trust me it is#I think I like. barely scraped a mention of it in that one Lucifer/Raphael fic and another time in a 3 sentence fic#murder death kill drive is fine but I think the mark should fuck up ur thinking even more. hallucifer 2 this time with God’s evil sister#slowly trying to eat your soul from the inside. amplifying anger for anyone sure but playing to the worst parts of someone mostly#Dean is angry but why enhance his anger when you can enhance his paranoia. his abandonment issues. his need for control. and make those the#reasons for him to lash out and kill people. I mean the show never fucking settled on if the mark actually corrupted someone into something#that they aren’t or just revealed what was already there. I felt it wanted to have both. to say to Lucifer ‘you were always sick’ and to#Dean ‘well we can fix you’ but no fuck that let’s lean hard into the revealing what’s there already aspect#I think partially I’m also still just mad about the demon origins retcon but shhhh whatever whatever#anyway. sorry for rambling anon. you are very funny. I chuckled.#ask#spn#dean winchester
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i had a doctors appointment yesterday abt my misophonia and got a doctors note and now i’ll be allowed to wear earplugs during exams at uni!!!!!!!! i am so happy yall
#misophonia#actually misophonic#moi#i am so relieved i was so anxious abt this#i already struggled in high school bc i literally cannot think if someone eats or chews anything near me and i can hear it#so exams in highschool were hell until i worked up the courage to ask some of the teachers if i can wear earplugs and yeah#unfortunately the uni is more strict and i needed like proof that i need that#which is kinda quirky ngl cuz we’re talking abt foam earplugs yk#i’m not asking for headphones or anything 😭😭#but whatever i have it now i’ll be fine#!!!!!!#i’m so happy
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why does paracetamol taste like that when u swallow it wrong holy fuck
#tastes like literal poison#and i mean that actually literally i have tasted poison before nd it tastes like that#anyways guess who fucking started his period and somehow didn’t notice how deranged he was getting until he actually saw the blood#next time i start insaneposting at the beginning/end of the month remind me that i have a uterus#and it’s out to get me for not being teen pregnant#istg i feel so dizzy rn 😭#i need to binge eat ice cream nd other junk food and watch netflix for 3 days straight and cry like some sort of misogynistic stereotype#except i’m a boy#holy fuck can this paracetamol kick in already jesus-#ryan shut the fuck up
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screaming shaking crying trembling wailing sobbing throwing up punching the wall in anguish and agony and angst etc etc etc
#Seven.txt#Seven’s Public Diary#cw vent post#kinda?? i guess??#cw dentist#anyways yeah. i have to go to the dentist soon and i wanna throw up just thinking abt it#someone just fucking hit me with a tranq gun and get it over with already oh my god i don’t wanna do thisssssss#but don’t actually do that cause i would deadass revoke someone’s breathing privileges if they ever sedated me without my consent#that’s part of what i’m so afraid of. i don’t know what i’m gonna do if they say i have to be put under general anesthesia for this.#i will literally cry and run out of the building#so here’s hoping that they can just numb it and keep me awake#i need to stay awake for this man it’s the only way i can handle it. i don’t wanna be vulnerable like that.#hhhhhhh last time i was in a dentist chair i was shaking uncontrollably and it’s so embarrassing when my body does that shit#i’m so afraid it’s gonna be like that again cause my fear has gotten so much worse as i’ve put off going#but my father will be there with me so maybe my need to appear strong in front of him will override my body’s need to shake in fear lmao#so i’ve got someone to take me and i’ve thankfully got the money saved to afford it so realistically i shouldn’t be upset#but i am so so afraid and no amount of logic is gonna help me out here. i already know that#i just have to go do it like i have to force myself to do all the other things i’m afraid of#ugh. i can’t tell if i’m nauseous cause of the pain radiating from my jaw bone to my brow bone or if it’s anxiety#or if it’s cause i couldn’t eat last night. or all three. probably all three#i’ve never had any cavities or serious issues with my teeth before in my life so this is so so so new and scary and i hate it#but i want the pain to stop so i gotta get this fixed. and never eat anything with sugar or acid or anything ever again#and brush my teeth one million times a day so this doesn’t happen again#sighs and collapses on the floor. i guess i couldn’t run from the consequences of my mentally ill actions forever#also no for once i didn’t actually punch anything. that was just a figure of speech. and i’m in enough pain as it is rn lmao
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