#i’ll give my thoughts along the way most likely and at least post a final review

[pixel-axel]

SHE’S HERE ‼️

[shuarush]

foolproof stupidity

» pairing: mingyu x fem!reader

» word count:  54,442

» warnings: alcohol, drinking, a bit of angst i guess, smut, a bit of an existential crisis tw for the young adults like me, cursing.

» genres: romance, fluff, eventual smut, vacation, adulthood, developing friendships, awkward flirting, secrecy, stupid ass people being emotionally unavailable and constipated.

☆✎ synopsis:  after giving your blood, sweat and tears to your company, you found yourself lost in whoever you are and were, and in the middle of an uncomfortable event you decided to throw caution out the window and go out of your comfort zone. meeting mingyu wasn’t the reason for it, but it was a good consequence. the feelings that emerged in your heart, on the other hand, were something you simply couldn’t handle at the moment, and you might just let your traumas get the best of you and push away the thing you fear the most: love.

☆✎ a/n: hello babydeul, 

this time around i came with a mingyu x reader and i wanted to make it as light and youthful as i could, since that's how i see mingyu: a very kind-hearted, youthful and sincere person. i’m really thankful to my friends julia and mari, who helped me out at the beginning of it, as well as every single one of the people who followed me in the making of this fanfic while i was posting it on ao3.

i hope you can enjoy this one as much as you did with play again, and don’t be shy to interact with me in any way or form. thank you for giving foolproof stupidity a chance ♡  

☆✎ some final notes:

⇢ i’ll mark the chapter with smut so you can skip it if you want or need (minors please dni with those);

⇢ again this is a first, but this time it is my first smut, i hope it is a good reading, i did my best to make it to my liking;

⇢ english is not my first language, so i apologize for any mistakes i might’ve made along the way;

⇢ i hope you enjoy it, and if you decided to read it thank you sm :)

chapter one - the girl i used to know

The unrequited attention you and Rae were getting from every single male eye sitting on that table was scrutinizing. Even reaching out for a beer would make at least one of them look at you like you were some weird attraction on a road circus. 

“Seriously, Seungkwan, you said you were hanging out with some friends.” Rae hissed between her teeth, giving the dirtiest look she could possibly come up with for her soon-to-be-ex-best-friend. Since you didn’t even want to be there in the first place, you ignored all the side-eyes from the unknown men and kept slowly drinking the beer that you had ordered as soon as you got there. 

“I am hanging out with some friends.” Seungkwan muttered unconvincingly and you saw Rae’s eyes roll dramatically. They always ended up bickering, and you’d only intervene when they were about to rip each other’s face off, but that was far from happening that day, so you just enjoyed the few hours Rae had convinced you to give yourself while she regretted her own decision.

“This is a fucking bachelor party, Seungkwan. Boys only.” she grunted and it was his time to roll his eyes. Seungkwan was wrong in that situation, but for him to admit that it would take about another three hours of complaining and maybe two beers, so you kept watching to see what excuse he’d give this time. 

You weren’t worried at all. In your line of work death threats were so common that a bunch of men looking at you like you were unwelcome almost felt recomforting. At least there’s no paperwork to dig in on the table, you thought to yourself, feeling the small paper cut you had gotten a few hours prior burn just by thinking about looking through files.

“Yes, but they started talking about a show I haven’t watched yet and I got bored…” He was soon to confess and you held Rae’s hand as it was starting to move towards Seungkwan’s chest. She was fast, but you were faster. You finally decided it was time for you to meddle, since you wouldn’t be there much longer anyway and it was best if you three could just spend some time together: “Ok, there’s no point in fighting over this, let’s just drink two beers and go home, shall we?” You proposed and you felt a dirty look being directed towards you. 

Raena was always like that, sensitive - and in denial about that anytime you’d bring it up -, but the good thing about it was that it never actually lasted. She would nag for a few minutes and then just come to the resolution that it is what it is, and then would simply get hammered. It wasn’t always good for you since it was always your job to carry her ass home, but it was definitely better than her being moody the entire night. Besides, drunk Rae could be pretty fun most of the time.

“You always take his side. I want a fucking tequila.” she blurted, raising her hand and ordering two shots of that devilish shit-enabeler. You took the small truce opportunity to look around the table. Seungkwan’s oldest friends were there, many that you only knew by name. You tried, to the best of your knowledge and abilities, giving names to the faces that surrounded you, but that task was easier said than done. 

Firstly, you saw Jay - the husband-to-be - fervently denying the presence of strippers, which was being strongly suggested by the shortest one of them. Taking by his bright red hair and his lack of discretion, that could only be Rugel. You continued your analysis, circling the table and laying your eyes on someone who you actually knew. Chan was sipping some whiskey while trying to not frown at every single one of Rugel’s proposals, and beside him there was someone who - by the way he looked - could only be Vernon.

Seungkwan would continuously talk about Vernon to you and Rae at any given opportunity, but his allegedly best friend was never free to hang out with us so we could properly meet. You and Raena had the conspiracy theory that, in fact, Seungkwan was madly in love with Vernon, but their situationship got to a point where it was so comfortable neither of them would leave their comfort zone, and Seungkwan knew you - specifically the lesbian Patti Stanger who was sipping tequila as if it was meant to be drank that way - well enough to know that someone amongst the two would notice his crush and do something about it, consequently ruining Seungkwan’s chances and friendship. 

After scanning a little bit more, you saw another familiar face amidst many unknown ones. Seokmin was one of Seungkwan’s oldest friends, and you’ve met him many times before, but you never got to actually saying more than a few words. The bright-smiled man always seemed to be walking on eggshells when he spoke to you, and you were never interested enough in making friends to try to engage in any conversation whatsoever. He was laughing widely about something a man, who was sitting beside him and that you definitely didn’t know, said. 

His honey skin was glowing almost as much as the small fangs he’d show while smiling. He had broad shoulders and a wide torso, and you found yourself wondering what would be under that black polo shirt he was wearing. His glossy brown hair was about at ear length, and he would constantly flick it back while talking avidly. You didn’t know his name, but you knew you wanted to. 

“... Are you deaf?” Seungkwan’s heavy hand met your shoulder as he howled at you, taking your attention from the other side of the table. You were bearing a confused expression, and he looked at you completely outraged, but just repeated the question he had just asked: “You’re going on the trip, right?” 

You bit your lower lip, knowing damn well that the answer you had wasn’t even close to the one your friend wanted. He knew what your answer was by that small gesture, and quickly started to get distressed. You could see by the way his nostrils widened and he opened a very unfriendly smile.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea.” Scoffing that phrase was easier than you thought, especially because you decided that your beer bottle was way more interesting to look at than any other place at that moment - especially your best friend’s sulky face. You heard the loud sigh Seungkwan let out before turning to you. “It’s too close and I didn’t buy the plane ticket… And I have to work.” You tried explaining yourself even before he said anything. 

“Well, maybe you need a bad idea. You haven’t gone on a vacation in three years. I’ve counted. And it’s my birthday. Can’t you come just this time?” He said the last phrase in the cutest way he could, but seeing you bit your lip once again made him almost shout a cuss word. You looked at Rae, hoping that she would save you from that situation, but by the look on her face she agreed with Seungkwan. You were completely alone on that one, and that usually meant that it was the situation you hated the most: you were wrong.

“I bought your ticket, you know? It was a “two for one” deal and I secretly kinda wished you’d go…” Her confession took you by surprise. You hadn’t been much present in anything of their lives lately, you knew that. Work had consumed you deeply, and each case you got at the law firm was another reason for you to be unable to go anywhere they would invite you. “Come with us… pretty please?” 

It broke your heart to say the next phrase. Even though you wanted to go, you had so much work to do, and any slip could be the end of you at the law firm, so you felt like your hands were tied. “I can’t.” 

“Let’s leave it.” Seungkwan declared to Rae, immediately ordering hard liquor, what made you sure he wasn’t ‘leaving it’, but only trying to cope with the fact that your mind was already made. After that, you didn’t have the heart to leave the bachelor party as soon as you finished your second beer, so you ordered a third one. Seungkwan, on the other hand, was already on his (probably) sixth or seventh shot, and Rae wasn’t much behind. 

“At least let loose tonight OK?” After throwing back another dose he begged you, putting a shot of some clear beverage in front of you. It was the least you could do, and you just chugged it, feeling the liquor sliding down your throat, making a burning sensation spread on it. You blinked heavily trying not to make a face, and finally saw a smile appear on Seungkwan’s mouth, which made you smile back. 

You and Seungkwan kept chatting for a while, noticing a bit later that your other friend had silently left the table and was nowhere to be found. After scanning the place inch by inch, you found Rae on the dance floor, kissing passionately the tallest girl you’ve ever seen in your entire life. You looked stunned to Seungkwan, who brought his hands to his mouth as he gasped. 

“Ok, we should do that too!” He was drunk and you could see that not only by the way he was speaking, but also by the fact he was trying to kiss your cheeks at every single opportunity he got. Nevertheless, that wasn’t actually a bad suggestion. You couldn’t even remember the last time your mouth touched anything other than your moisturizing cream.

Your eyes went straight to the other side of the table, quickly finding that tall man that caught your attention earlier still talking to Seokmin. This time around, Seokmin was saying something that was making him cringe deeply, and even with that strange motion of his face you found him attractive. You pointed that direction with your head, turning your gaze to Seungkwan next. 

“Set me up with him. He’s handsome.” you asked and immediately saw another big smile appear on Seungkwan’s face. That man would root for you to leave your chastity era since you’ve entered it, always pointing out that just because you weren’t good at love it didn’t mean you should give up on it that easily. He looked at where you pointed, pressing his lips into a fine line before turning back to you. 

“Seokmin?” he looked confused and you denied, swinging your head from one side to the other. He once again turned his head, finding the person you were talking about just then. “Ah, Mingyu.” Seungkwan made a funny face after taking your words in. It was a mix of disgust and smug look, almost as if he hadn't fully decided which concept to commit to. 

“Ok, that one is Mingyu.” You vaguely remembered Seungkwan mentioning him on some random occasions, but his looks were definitely not brought up before. “Yes, yes. Mingyu. Wingman me, please.” 

Seungkwan raised his thumb up, getting up and swiftly moving towards Mingyu. Walking seemed a bit more difficult than he remembered, and for some reason things were spinning much more than he expected, but still not enough to make him quiver. He sat next to Mingyu, almost demanding his and Seokmin’s attention. “Gentleman…”

“Did you just find out we stopped talking about the new season of the Witcher like forty minutes ago?” Seokmin asked and Seungkwan declined promptly. He raised one finger, and pointed it directly to Mingyu, and then Seungkwan’s right hand met Mingyu’s left shoulder. 

“How about you… smooch smooch… with my bestie over there?” He asked, completely ignoring Seokmin’s previous comment. Mingyu looked over Seungkwan’s shoulder, seeing you fixing your glasses on your face. Your eyes were glued to your phone and you were furrowing your eyebrows at an email you had just received. 

You were attractive, he wouldn’t deny that. Your hair was very well tied back in a ponytail, a gray suit fitted you perfectly, reaching every inch of your body and leaving only space to imagination. There was some sort of nude nail polish and he could see very light makeup on your face. It was clear that you went there straight from work, and Mingyu thought that a person like that wouldn’t enjoy listening about how he does art for a living. It was always people dressed like you that kept telling him his job wasn’t actually a job, and he just grimaced remembering all those experiences.

“Um…” He took one of his fingers straight to his mouth, ripping a bit of his cuticle in the process. “... I don’t think she’s really my type. She seems to be kind of…uptight?” Seungkwan was about to protest, but Seokmin agreed with Mingyu instantly. 

“Yeah, I’ve never felt comfortable to really approach her because I feel she’ll just call me childish and, I don’t know, break my spirit. Yell at me like my mom would, tell me that my life prospects are garbage.” He confessed in an amused tone, but Seungkwan felt his mouth dropping, switching his gaze to Mingyu, who was agreeing with Seokmin, and then immediately to you. 

You looked nothing like the person he met in high school. Your hair wasn’t messy as it always used to be, you had gotten rid of the bangs that made your small face look even smaller, the gray suit was completely covering your arms and showing no parts of the places where you used to draw what later on became tattoos.

Even the expression on your face seemed a bit off. He knew you were wearing makeup to cover up the huge bags under your eyes, which only began to appear when you started your corporate job; your lips were completely bit off because that was the best way you knew to relieve stress, and you must’ve been under a lot of it. None of it reminded him of you in any way.

Seungkwan had met you in your most rebellious phase, after spending years doing anything and everything your parents expected from you, and he truly believes that the one he met was the real you. The one who always talked about being a professional photographer; who wasn’t afraid of taking risks, of leaving her comfort zone; the one who would climb up his window with a bag of m&ms telling him that you’d left only the orange ones for him cause it was his favorite color; that you. 

When your parents insisted that you wanted to pursue photography because “you weren’t able to do anything else with your life”, Seungkwan watched you study your ass off and quickly pass the entrance exam for law school. He was there during the many nights where you drunkenly promised that you would just shove that diploma into your parents face and then go back to doing what you actually wanted and liked. 

Looking at you being exactly who your parents wanted completely disheartened him. All because of your damn competitive nature and colossal pride. He left Mingyu and Seokmin by themselves without thinking twice, taking you by your hand and leading you to the outside area of the bar. You looked relaxed, opening a smile that he knew very well, one of the only things that still remained from your past self. 

“So?” You asked him. He shook his head from one side to the other with a hurt expression, but you just shrugged. “Well, trying never hurts right?” As usual, you were OK with being rejected. Seungkwan knew you’d be, it was never something that harmed you deeply when it wasn’t someone you actually liked. He had only seen you suffering because of a person once, and ever since that day you just went for one night flings, running off from the possibility of having your heart broken again

“Do you know what he said, though?” Your silence was enough for him to keep going. “He said you weren’t his type because you were too uptight. You. Uptight.” Repeating himself felt necessary for the words to sink in, but you just giggled. 

“Someone who doesn’t know me at all, I’d say.” Even though your mood was good, Seungkwan’s piercing look made you drop the tiny mocking smile that was emerging on your face. 

“No. But you are. Now you are the most uptight, moralistic and puritanical person that I know and that realization just scared the shit out of me.” Seungkwan confessed without taking his eyes out of yours. “You said you would just give the diploma to your parents and do what you wanted. When is it gonna start?” 

You were speechless. Not because you were mad, or because Seungkwan was being unpleasant in any way, but because he was completely and utterly right. “What if you never see yourself being anything more than what you are now? Aren’t you going to regret it?” His words were like knives being stung to your heart. 

“I can’t leave a good job because of my childish dreams, Kwanie.” You tried convincing both of you. Truth was you were scared of not being as good at what you like as you were in that lame ass job. What if you tried and failed? Should you simply throw away something certain for a “what if”, a naive adolescent dream you once had? 

“When did you start hanging onto your comfort zone so cowardly?” Probably the alcohol had a big part on Seungkwan’s unrelenting words, and it probably had a part on your stomach aching as soon as they reached you. “Aren’t you sick of the way you’ve been keeping yourself from actually being happy?” 

“I gotta go.” You blurted, feeling dizziness take you over and a small urge to put all those extra shots you took out of your system. You left him there, and Seungkwan regretted his words as soon as he saw you marching towards the bathroom. Sometimes the truth would only hurt someone and he felt like that was one of those times where he should’ve kept quiet. 

You passed straight through Rae as you ran to the small door with a lady painted on it, feeling your dinner coming back as soon as you kneeled in front of the vase. After leaving the stall you knew it was time for you to go home. Seungkwan was sitting on the table again, but got up as soon as he saw you approaching. Rae was still making out with the same girl on another corner of the club, seeming to have so much fun you didn’t even think about bothering her. 

“Kwanie, I’m not feeling well, I’m going home. Tell Rae I’ll leave her key on our secret spot, ok?” He hesitated first, but called your name in a sad tone that almost made you want to puke again. Before he could say anything, you just reassured him what you wanted to believe was true.

“It’s okay. I’m okay. We’ll talk tomorrow?” You asked and he nodded, knowing damn well that chatting in his drunken state could possibly bring out more things he shouldn’t talk about. “Love you.” You said as you left, hearing him say it back as you walked out. 

It’s true that most days you don't recognize yourself anymore. If you told your past self, she would never believe that this is who you were now, that this was your current life. “I’m a lawyer now. I work overnight for multi millionaire companies and I haven’t seen the beach in years. I wasn’t able to go to Egypt and take that picture with the pyramids. I now have money to do so, but I don’t have time. I don’t have time for anything. It has been so long since I’ve done something for myself… But at the end of the day I have a job. I’m not unhappy.” What would she say? 

Would she call you out for being a coward like Seungkwan did? Probably yes. She would ask when did you become someone who was content with so little. You couldn’t tell when it was that you fell exactly into your parents trap and decided to be everything that you’re not. That you weren't. That the girl you used to know wasn’t, but you are. 

chapter two - bad idea

“I thought you’d come around eventually. Seungkwan spent all of his savings renting this place and all we had to do was be there.” Rae was explaining to you once again why she bought your plane tickets when you had said with every single letter that you couldn’t go. Your face was buried inside your hands and you were about to lose all of your patience. 

“Yes, Raena, but that does not explain why on earth you did the check-in for me. I said a thousand times I cannot go. I wrote Seungkwan a fucking letter and gave it to you and you read it because you wanted to know what we talked about when you weren’t there, and it was 5k words on how sorry I was for not going.” You growled, knowing that now Seungkwan would feel your absence even during the flight by the empty seat where your ass should be. 

“I really wanted you to go, ok?” Rae lashed out, sticking her tongue out, and turning around in order to leave you alone in the kitchen as she always used to do when she was confronted and wrong. Your soft tone stopped her, and made her pout in front of you as she sat down on the other chair. 

“I really wanted to go.” You purred, mirroring the pout that just formed on your best friend’s face. “But my boss said that we’re about to get a big case, and also that I would be fired if I dared to ask for any vacation.” A huge sigh came out of you unintendedly and Rae stretched her hand to take yours, squeezing it in a comforting way. 

You hated every single bit of it. You hated missing Seungkwan’s birthday another year. You despised having to work for three years straight without even a glimpse of possibility to get some days off. You abhorred the fact that Seungkwan would be so disappointed at you, and more than that, the fact that he would never tell you how hurt he was by that until he was over it. It wasn’t your fault and you hated that it wasn’t. Not having a choice over your own life was excruciating and it made you ache deeply. 

“I should pack my luggages now, I still have a client tomorrow before the trip and I won’t have time to put everything together if I leave it for later.” She informed you and you clicked your tongue showing how frustrated you were by not doing the same thing. “By the way, when I come back I can retouch that ugly thing on your shoulder.” 

Raena knew you like the palm of her hand, so she knew dragging the subject even more would just harm you, and not convince you like she would like to. Your personality both amazed her and made her deeply angry, how stubborn you were but, at the same time, how you would always give 100% of yourself in everything you set your mind to. The way you took forever to make decisions most of the time, but eventually would wing some stupid idea and go through with it like you had planned it all along. And how loyal you were to everything you committed to: your friendship, getting to nationals with the raggedy college basketball team, that one painting class you took and simply couldn’t figure out how paint worked, and lately your stupid job.

 You both met at college, specifically when Raena spent about a month taking “Feeble Contracts” classes, absolutely sure it was the “Female Counteracts” optative she had chosen when the semester started. 

The look on her face when you told her there would be “no practice classes” because we wouldn’t want to make a weak contract was simply priceless, and you decided that she was someone you’d want to have around. 

Taking her to grab a coffee after explaining which class she was actually attending made you discover that she was taking an Arts Major and that she was without her glasses when she enrolled on that course, and was also dead sure that it was about personal defense for females. 

“Now all the men attending that class made sense.” She scoffed the word ‘men’ as if it was one of the vilest things on the planet, and you burst into laughter in no time. You also figured out her dream was to be a tattoo artist, and you told her about your passion for photography. 

On your 19th birthday she gathered her money with Seungkwan’s and they both gifted you your first film camera, a Pentax K1000 that, since that day, you used to take everywhere with you. And on her 19th birthday you gifted her your skin, for her to practice her tattooing skills - and also her first machine, but she never mentions that and you know for sure that the first one was more important. That “ugly thing” she had just mentioned referred to the first tattoo she ever made in real skin: a strawberry lined in red and green with a smiling face inside. It was your favorite tattoo because it was the most special for you and Rae. 

As you looked at your arm, reminiscing every fond memory behind those tattoos, you also remembered what Seungkwan told you two days before. “He said you weren’t his type because you were too uptight.” That phrase made a bitter laugh come out of you. So that’s what you had become after all, the thing you hated the most… how ironic was that?

You decided it was time for you to check your phone and discover what absurd request your boss had sent you on a Sunday night. Unsurprisingly you saw a lengthy email asking you to elaborate an appeal for a case that he told you he was sure wouldn’t need one when you suggested having it prepared beforehand. Jackass. You moved swiftly through your daily ritual of preparing enough coffee to keep you awake for the next six hours and sat on your bureau, adjusting your glasses, cracking your knuckles and getting ready to succumb to capitalism once more. 

Time flew as always, and before you realized the sun was already rising. You looked desperately at the time, realizing you still could have about two hours of sleep before going to work, and you decided to take that chance, practically passing out as soon as your face hit the pillow. Rae woke you up in what felt like an instant, asking you if you wanted some coffee. You mumbled a yes with your eyes still closed, and forced yourself into getting up. 

Every morning you used to give Raena a ride to her studio, and this morning was no exception, which helped lessen the burden of not enough hours of sleep you felt while driving. Nonetheless, eventually you found yourself alone in your car, listening to the same old morning radio show that played old songs, and that you were weirdly attached to. Thankfully it didn’t take you long to get to work, and when you least expected, you were being called at your bosses’ office for the 9 A.M. conference. 

Something felt off, especially because this time you were the only one there, and the head of the department had a weird sly smile on his face. You sat where you usually did, taking your glasses off for a second and cleaning in your button up shirt while you waited for the rest of the lawyers to get there. 

“So… I actually only called you here.” His raspy voice startled you, but you were able to compose yourself before he’d notice. You put on your glasses once again, taking a look at him. His fingers were tapping on the wooden table almost in a frenetic way and you could see small droplets of sweat forming in his forehead. This probably wasn’t good. 

“You know, you’re the best lawyer when it comes to any sort of corporate law, and we are super lucky to have you on our team.” The pampering was the second indication that whatever he was about to say wouldn’t be good for you, he didn’t usually compliment you at all, so listening to him doing so made a shiver work its way up through your spine. 

“Thank You, Mr. Luvidich.” Your dull tone couldn’t be helped, and you just hoped he was worried enough with whatever was going through his head to not be bothered by it. Once he just nodded and cleared his throat to continue to drone on, you knew your small act of insubordination passed by unnoticed.  

“I’m thinking about giving you the biggest case this law firm has taken in yet, and for that I’ll need you to do something for me. A big corporation had contacted us after being sued for some embezzlement allegations.” You were paying attention to his every word, wondering where it was going. “They gave us their accountability sheets and we need some of them to… Go missing. Would you be able to do that for us, sweetheart?” It took you a moment to fully understand what he was saying, but when realization finally hit you, you felt your mouth drop. 

“Are you asking me to destroy evidence?” You fumed, and his fingers hastily made their way to his mouth as he shushed you. You were infuriated that he would even think you would do such an unethical thing. 

“Look, sweetheart. We’d be just protecting our client. They have the right to our undivided loyalty. And I can’t do that, so I need you to do it.” He seemed angry, probably the idea of you refusing anything he’d proposed never crossed his mind, but neither did it cross yours that you’d receive such an absurd request. 

“Yes. But we, lawyers, also have to be truthful in our statements to others. How do you expect me to lie in court when I know that the truth is that the allegations can't be proven because I meddled with all the proof?” You kept your voice low, knowing that getting sensitive would only make you lose the argument. You are a lawyer after all, so one thing you knew you were good at was rationalizing your way out of things. 

Mr. Luvidich, on the other hand, didn’t seem calm at all. His forehead was wrinkled forming a huge frown and his lips were pressed onto each other as if he was trying his best not to yell at you at that very moment. 

“Work. Is. Work.” He spitted the words one by one. You looked at him, skeptical. If work is work, why wouldn’t he do it then? Why did he have to ask you? It was as clear as the day for you that you were his scapegoat. If you weren’t caught, they’d win the case and earn tons of money, and if you were, the only one with a dirty name and a failed career would be you. “And if you don’t agree to this now you won’t have a job tomorrow.” He said, deadpanned. 

Rage was burning inside you as you looked at that man dead in the eyes and saw him look back at you, shameless. You thought of many things to say, but he was quicker: “Don’t think I wouldn’t fire you just because our clientele likes you. There are hundreds of good lawyers in every corner of this damn town. This opportunity, whatsoever, is unique. And not taking my friendly suggestion is a bad idea.”

Seungkwan’s drunken words said on friday hit you at that very moment. “What if you never see yourself being anything more than what you are now? Aren’t you going to regret it?” You avoided thinking about them the entire weekend, fearing those few words would make you give up on everything you had built so far, but they came back to you vividly. 

The red light was right in front of you, and, at that moment, there was nothing you wanted to do more than running it, inconsequentially and thoughtlessly run it. And so you did. A smirk appeared on your face and the words left your mouth like you were dying to say them for a long time: “Well, maybe I need a bad idea.” You turned on your heels, hearing his voice sound once again before you reached the door. 

“If you leave this room you are fired.” He threatened, and you just turned around wearing a polite smile and a courteous expression. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll leave my resignation letter before I leave. I wouldn’t make you pay for my health insurance anymore, Mr. Ludovich. Have a good day.” You marched out of the room. In spite of your calm and collected expression, your heart was pounding as you wondered if that was actually the correct decision, but there was no turning back anymore. 

You wrote the smallest resignation letter in the world, leaving it to the firm’s secretary and telling her that you’d transfer your clients to other lawyers, and then you left the building you had spent - for the past three years - more time in than your own house. 

As you entered your car and started driving, you knew there wasn’t enough time for you to go home, let alone pack anything, so you just took your phone and called Rae instead. She picked up after a few rings, and you could hear the loud noises surrounding her. “Hey… Are there any cities near the lake house?” 

“Lake complex. Get your informations right, lady. And yes, the plane will land in the capital and then we’ll rent some cars to take us upstate.” You could hear Seungkwan’s voice in the background and a faint smile appeared on your face. That was the right thing to do and every step you took towards it made you more sure of it. You’d cross the bridge of unemployment when it came to it, but now you would get on that plane and see the proud smile on your friends faces when you tell them you quit your job. 

“Ok. Could you pass me my boarding ticket? I think I’ll be there in about 15 minutes. Is that enough time?” The loud squeak that came from the other side of the line almost made you deaf, and you said the first cuss word that came to your mouth when she did it. 

“Don’t fucking play with me you know I’m a fucking cancer I cry easily.” Rae’s comment made you giggle. “You should run, I think you’ll have to meet us on the plane. I’ll hang up now, I’m sending your ticket A.S.A.P.” 

Warmness filled your chest and a silly smile showed up on your face as you made your way to the airport. Maybe all that you needed was a pretty good bad idea like that.

chapter three - rough starts

Mingyu was in complete distress and it showed. His cuticles had been almost completely removed by his teeth as he examined every person that was entering that aircraft. He was terribly afraid of heights, so the fact that his ticket landed him on a window seat was consuming him with fear that the person sitting next to him wouldn’t want to trade seats and he’d be forced into seeing the plane taking flight. 

As he looked around he saw many familiar faces, but none of them seemed to be paying attention to him. Seungkwan was crying about something one of his best girl friends had just told him, but since he had a large grin on his face Mingyu knew it was a good thing. Seokmin was talking to Jeonghan, who sat next to him, and he could see how fond Jeonghan was of him just by the way he paid deep attention to whatever nonsense the younger one was talking about. 

Wonwoo was reading something that, from that distance, seemed like a self-help book, but Mingyu could never be sure when it came to Wonwoo. Sometimes it was the most uplifting book he’d ever read, and sometimes Wonwoo would recommend a book that would completely break his spirit and leave him crying during countless dawns. No one familiar was sitting next to Wonwoo whatsoever. 

Many people were still getting into the plane, but none of them seemed to be going to the seat next to Mingyu’s, and when no one else appeared to be entering he sighed in relief, changing seats to the corridor one and just assuming that he’d be alone in that row for the flight. After fastening his seatbelt, he stretched his arms as much as he could. Even though it wasn’t a long flight, being as tall as he was always made those small spaces for his legs uncomfortable.

“Hey, this is my seat.” Mingyu turned immediately to you, seeing a rather odd scene. You were panting, and as much as the heavy breathing was starting to get controlled, it still was not completely. Many strands of hair had escaped the pony tail you had, and your face was blushing crimson, but it seemed that it was because you ran all the way there, and not any type of embarrassment. In spite of that, you held a friendly smile on your face as you adjusted your glasses that were almost in the tip of your nose. 

“Uhm… Mine is the window seat, but I’m kind of scared of heights. Could you change places with me?” He was a bit embarrassed. Everybody knew he was a big baby when it came to heights, and he remembered you from the bachelor’s party on friday, so he was pretty sure you were there for Seungkwan’s birthday trip and sooner or later the blond man would mention his greatest weakness only to annoy Mingyu, so he didn’t think twice before confessing it. 

“Sure.” You agreed, and he stood up quickly to let you pass. Mingyu observed you as you did it. You seemed different from friday. In a reckless movement you placed your bag under the seat in front of you, fastening your seatbelt and letting your hair down after a failed attempt to put the rebel strands back on the pony tail. As soon as you let your head rest on the seat, a small smile showed up on your face and Mingyu felt one forming on his as well. “Aren’t you sitting down again?” 

Mingyu nodded, taking the place he was before and sitting without glancing at you again, afraid you had noticed his silly smile. Not long after that, the plane started moving, and once again Mingyu felt uneasy, clutching onto the arm of the chair next to him. When the plane was about to take off, he felt you gently sliding your hand onto his, holding it in such a soft way it felt comforting. 

“You can squish it if you want.” You mentioned, not even hinting at looking at him, but that didn’t stop him from turning his gaze to you. He could see your words were sincere and there was no malice on them whatsoever, as you avoided looking at him to not make him more embarrassed than he already was. He held it as softly as you did, and you just squeezed his big hand in a reassuring way.

You could feel his grip getting tighter as the plane took flight, but soon enough the aircraft stabilized and he loosened it. When the “fasten seatbelt” sign turned off, you slowly let go of his hand, looking at him and seeing a rather sheepish expression on his face. 

“Don’t worry. I know I’m not your type. It’s just that I have claustrophobia so I know how dreadful it can be going through these kinds of situations.” Mingyu’s mouth dropped as you mentioned Friday night so carelessly, and mostly because he was now sure you knew what he said to Seungkwan that very night.

He opened and closed his mouth a few times trying to know what to say, and you enjoyed watching him being shy for those seconds. He was cute. “That’s not…” Mingyu muttered, his voice was slurred and you just giggled at that. 

“Hey, Mingyu… It’s OK. You’re entitled to not feel attracted to someone, you know?” He was speechless, especially because at that very moment he was, indeed, faintly attracted to you. The way you said things so nonchalantly and the way you held his hand without even asking anything was something that made his heart flutter. “I was just joking, chill, bro.” You sounded playful and Mingyu allowed himself to smile, showing you his sharp teeth for the first time since you’ve been on that plane. 

“I guess we had a rough start, I didn’t even get your name…” He confessed and you nodded, blurting the word that always felt so weird for you to say out loud: your name. Maybe it was because you didn’t say it much, but introducing yourself always made you a bit uncomfortable, almost as if your name had no meaning. When Mingyu repeated it back to you, though, you felt completely different about it. He made it sound so soothing for some reason. “So maybe we could start over?” He had a flirtatious smile and he blinked slowly as he asked that, but you simply nodded. 

“Nah, you already called me uptight. I won’t ever forget that, Kim Mingyu.” You murmured, and his name coming out of your mouth in such a low pitch made him raise one side of his mouth and touch his canine teeth with his tongue. Yes, he was definitely attracted to you. “However, you calling me uptight was the main reason I ended up here, so if you agree on pulling this curtain down so I can sleep a bit we can work on being friends.” 

He observed you. Contrastingly to his way of speaking, you didn’t seem to be flirtatious at all, and Mingyu decided it was better to drop it at that point. “Thought you’d never ask.” He said, pointing to the curtains in a polite way, as to say that you could close it. 

It didn’t take long before your eyes closed shut, and when you opened them again you found yourself leaning on Mingyu’s shoulder. His head was leaning towards you as well, as he slept peacefully with his arm coiled up to yours. You feared that any abrupt movement could wake him up, but the loud cabin announcements started at that very moment.

“Ladies and gentlemen, as we start our descent, please make sure your seat backs and tray tables are in their full upright position. Make sure your seat belt is securely fastened and all carry-on luggage is stowed underneath the seat in front of you, or in the overhead compartments. Thank you."

Mingyu noticed the same you just had. You both fell asleep coiling to each other. Your glasses were crooked, almost falling from your face and that made a small laugh come out of Mingyu as soon as he realized. You clicked your tongue as you untangled your arms, stretching instantly and fixing your glasses on your face. 

Once the aircraft started descending, Mingyu held your hand again, and you just let him. Clapping started as soon as the plane landed, and checking some seats behind you, you saw Seokmin excitedly putting his hands together as another person that you were pretty sure was also one of Seungkwan’s friends looked at him clearing judging that choice. 

Shortly after that, you were inside Seungkwan’s arms as he muttered “You really came” a thousand times too much. They were waiting for their luggage, and you were taking advantage of the latency to explain what happened. You told them everything, and both Seungkwan and Rae badmouthed Mr. Ludovich almost as much as you had in your head. 

“... Now I gotta buy myself some clothes ‘cause I came empty handed.” You finished your monologue when they had retrieved their luggage, and Rae quickly offered to accompany you. Looking around you could see that there were about thirty people that came for Seungkwan’s birthday trip, and you thought to yourself how could someone have so many friends, but again, Seungkwan was very likable, so it made sense. 

All of his friends that you knew were there apart from Jay, that - as Raena told you - was on his honeymoon. Mingyu smiled at you as soon as your gazes met, and you smiled back. He was waiting for Seokmin, who was fighting against the treadmill to fetch his suitcase. Everybody else seemed to have their belongings with them, and eventually you were all crossing the street to rent some cars. 

You and Rae decided to rent one to yourselves, while everybody else got divided into minivans. Since you were rummaging for some much needed clothes and utensils, you parted ways with all of them before they could decide who would be in which car, leaving Rae’s luggage with Seungkwan and driving through the city. Mingyu saw you leaving, approaching Seungkwan as soon as you did.

“Where did she go?” He had a blasé expression that could have fooled anyone, but not Seungkwan, who rapidly squinted his eyes in Mingyu’s direction. “Did I say she? I meant ‘they’. Where did they go?” The half-hearted smile that took place on the tallest face made Seungkwan need to hold back a loud laugh that tried coming out. 

“They went shopping. But she is gay. Like 100% lesbian. She even lets me call her dyke some days. That gay.” Seungkwan said and Mingyu looked extremely confused by that. He bit his lower lip softly, frowning at the sound of that.

“Then how come did you ask me if I wanted to, and I quote, smooch smooch?” Seungkwan raised both of his hands, covering his soon-to-be-red face, remembering exactly that those were in fact the words he used. But then he realized. 

“Oh, I thought you were talking about Raena…” Mingyu sulked blinking a few times while Seungkwan looked at him bewildered. His lips turned into a huge pout as Seungkwan asked the following question. “Why the fuck do you want to know about her? Didn’t you say she wasn’t your type?” 

“People make mistakes, Seungkwan. And I hadn’t talked to her yet when I said that... Do you think I blew it already?” Seungkwan chuckled, dismissing all the eyes that turned to him as he tried not to loudly burst into laughter again because of Mingyu. “Seriously. Answer please.” 

“Well, unless you are very straightforward she probably won’t realize you’re flirting with her, because, in her head, she’s not your type. Like, she was rejected once, she wouldn’t set herself up to being rejected twice.” His analysis started and Mingyu paid close attention to his words. “But…”

“Yes. There’s a but. There’s a but!” He cheered, and Chan looked at him with a fuming gaze, pulling the strings of his backpack just enough so that it would cover his bum. “Hopefully not my butt.” He murmured and at that moment Seungkwan decided that it was his best birthday so far. Simply exquisite. Top notch entertainment and it hadn’t been a day in yet.

“But, if you don’t, like… Annoy her in any way… I think there’s a chance.” Mingyu smiled brightly, making his under eyes bulge and his sharp canines appear. Jeonghan showed up just as Seungkwan was finishing his phrase, giving Mingyu the car keys and asking him to be the designated driver, and after a small briefing about who would take which car, they all headed towards the Lake House Complex Seungkwan rented for the next two weeks. 

When you and Rae got there, it was already dark and you felt awfully tired. There were about six buildings surrounding a margin of the lake, and one of them didn’t seem to have any bedrooms in it. It was also the first one you both entered in. The wall had many key holders with letters on top of them, but only two of the keys were still there. 

“Seungkwan said these were the room keys, we get to choose our letters. I’ll take R, you can keep N.” Rae shot the words, picking up the key ring with her first letter engraved in it and you looked at her, outraged. It was, of course, just an act, and you intended to let her choose anyway, but seeing her justifying herself was fun for you. 

You both found out where your rooms were, and thankfully they were in the same building. Rae called Seungkwan, who told her he was - with mostly everyone - in the kitchen. Unfortunately the lack of sleep took a toll on you, and you told Raena you were skipping dinner that day and would just rest a bit. 

The room was bigger than you expected. It wasn’t big, but it had a double bed and a bathroom, alongside a porch with a beautiful view of the lake. After taking a hot shower, you took one of the clothes you had just bought from the shopping bag, put it on, and went straight to bed, falling asleep as soon as you did. 

Next thing you knew was a loud alarm sound waking you up. It was coming for the room next to yours, but you felt so tired you refused to even open your eyes, and not too long after that it stopped. The second time it went on, you opened one of your eyes, seeing some sun rays entering your bedroom while you took your own phone. 6:32 a.m. could be read on the led screen and you decided it was still too early, you’d sleep a bit more. The sound stopped again and you closed your eyes, hoping to get at least one more hour of sleep. 

When you were about to sleep again that damn alarm rang again. Your hand went straight to your phone, and you saw it was 6:57 a.m. This time it kept ringing as you covered your head with the pillow and tried to ignore it, but after about one minute of unstoppable ringing you decided to do something about it.

You got up, marching out of your room and going to the one where the loud noise was coming from. The strength with which you knocked on the “M” door was bigged than you’d antecipated, but you were so fucking pissed off you didn’t really toned it down in the following knocks. 

After a few knocks you heard the alarm being turned off, and some steps going your way, and you took one of your hands to your hair, brushing it back knowing damn well you wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep after getting up like that. Mingyu’s face was puffy when he opened the door, he was wearing sweatpants and nothing else, and his hair was a complete mess. He looked disoriented and his eyes widened as he recognized you.

Mingyu felt his heart skip a beat as he scanned you from head to toes. Your hair was messy, but they framed your face so well that it seemed you intended them to be like that. As his eyes made their way down, he saw you were wearing a black shirt that was probably five sizes bigger than yours, and the big collar made it drop a bit on your left shoulder, leaving a snake tattoo you had on your collar bone exposed, as well as the countless other smaller tattoos that covered your arms. The shirt was so big it almost covered the shorts you were wearing, but he could still see the hem of them, along with another snake tattoo that ended in the middle of your thigh, but started somewhere he couldn’t see. 

He gulped at that vision, but when his eyes came back to yours they were piercing. “Turn that fucking alarm off, for fucks sake.” You hissed, turning back to your room and slamming the door shut.

Mingyu kept looking at the floor for a few seconds, still half asleep, and as he slicked his hair back with his hands he remembered Seungkwan saying that if he didn’t annoy you, he’d still have a chance. “Fuck. I only had one job.”

chapter four - awaken

Rae was talking to Seungkwan in the kitchen when Mingyu showed up. He had thrown a shirt on top of his sweatpants and went straight to look for his friend, easily finding him drinking some coffee and chatting with the chocolate skinned girl. 

“I think I fucked up.” He had a half-hearted smile on his face and was scrunching his nose in a way that his small mole became very apparent. Rae stopped talking immediately, and both of them turned their gaze to the tall man. 

“What do you mean? Why are you awake? Didn’t you say you were waking up at seven thirty?” Seungkwan asked. Mingyu was completely shameless, so he didn’t mind that your best friend - who had never exchanged one single word with him - was also in the space, he was going to whine to Seungkwan until he reassured him that things weren’t completely lost. 

“So… You know how I always put like five alarm clocks so I can get up, right? The thing is…” His words fell as soon as you entered the kitchen. Your gaze was sharp and you scanned the whole place hoping to find yourself some coffee so you could be a functioning human being. Mingyu observed you with a faint smile on his face, almost as if he felt guilty. 

“Good morning, sunshine.” Seungkwan greeted you, but Rae touched his hand, calling out his attention and swayed her head from one side to the other, indicating that it wasn’t a good idea. 

“She’s not in a good mood, this means it’s only safe to speak to her after her first cup of coffee…” Rae whispered and Mingyu lowered his body in order to listen to it as well, receiving a confused look from Rae for his proximity. He just smiled widely at her, taking a seat at the chair next to her.

“Is she like that every morning?” Seungkwan whispered back, and Rae denied promptly, swaying her head once again and making her heavy curls swing gently from one side to the other. “Nah, just when she wakes up unexpectedly. Usually she’s… OK.” 

Seungkwan frowned at that, wondering if the almost twelve hours of sleep wasn’t enough for you, but again, your eyebags were so big he just figured you were as much tired as necessary  for it not to be enough. “Why the fuck did she wake up, then?” his question came out louder than he expected, and Mingyu was the one who regretted it the most. 

You sat down in front of them as you poured coffee in the biggest mug you could find. Your sharp eyes were fuming in Mingyu’s direction and Seungkwan realized, bursting into laughter as soon as he did. Rae got it a few seconds later and Mingyu once again had that embarrassed smile on his face. 

As soon as the gray smoke started to disappear from the coffee mug, you chugged it entirely, feeling the caffeine run through your veins and finally a bit of happiness surrounded you on that day. “Good morning.” You declared after a while, opening up a small smile and swifting your mood. “I’m a person again.” 

“You…” Your index finger pointed straight to Rae as you squinted, pressing both of your lips together into a thin line before continuing the phrase. “... Let’s switch rooms.” Rae giggled, denying promptly. 

“Hell no, you know I’m worse than you when people wake me up. For… Mingyu?” She turned her attention to him, asking if that was actually his name, and when he nodded she continued. “For Mingyu’s sake, I must not stay in a room next to five alarm clocks.” 

“There were five?!” You squeaked and Mingyu scrunched his nose, giving the fakest closed-mouthed smile you had ever seen. Your hands went straight to your forehead, as you tried to make peace with the fact that everyday you’d be woken up by that infuriating sound. 

“You should go for friendship. I guess that’s the max you're gonna get with this.” Seungkwan whispered into Mingyu’s ears and he dropped his shoulders, defeated. “Ok. Since you guys are here, you are going to receive this first hand!” The blond man blurted, getting up, but not before giving you a dirty look when he saw you pouring more coffee onto the mug, and getting out of the kitchen for a few seconds. 

“Do you guys want breakfast?” You asked Rae and Mingyu. The first one denied, it was rare for Rae to eat anything in the morning and even though you’ve lived together for almost five years now, you still couldn’t fully figure out her meal times. Mingyu, on the other hand, stood up just as you did. 

“I could make you something. I’m a good cook.” He mentioned, slurring the words because of how fast he was talking. It almost made it sound like he had a lisp, but you could tell it was not the case. At that very moment, a loud growl came out of your belly, as if it was demanding for food. 

“Shall we both make something? Then it can be ready sooner.” You proposed and Mingyu agreed. He suggested some omelets and you promptly agreed, going straight to the fridge and getting all the vegetables you used to utilize to make that plate. Seungkwan came back not much later, with a bunch of papers in hand. 

You slided a slice of carrot inside your mouth, calming your stomach, and then started slowly drinking the second mug of coffee. “Are you guys making me one as well?” Seungkwan asked, sitting exactly where he was, and watching amused as you and Mingyu were almost in perfect synchronization while cutting vegetables. 

“Yes, can you see that there are no tomatoes on this pile? It’s yours.” Mingyu responded and Seungkwan smiled brightly. He slid a piece of paper to Rae and cleared his throat, putting one of those in front of him, and started reading. 

“Booday S(eung)chedule: Fifteen Days of F(e)u(ngkwa)n” Rae was astonished while looking at the paper and as soon as Seungkwan announced the content of it you knew why. You and Mingyu shared a look before bursting into laughter. Seungkwan never ceased to amaze you with his amazing brain and lowkey cringeworthy sense of humor. You loved it, and even though you were almost crying with laughter, you let an “I fucking love you.” slip out of your mouth. 

“Puns intended.” He clarified and that almost caused you to cackle again, but you were able to recompose yourself, and so did Mingyu. You got up and started beating the eggs while he finished cutting the vegetables. “First Day: S(eungk)wan Lake. Where I take you to marvelous Lake Richboro and force you to do water activities.”  

He kept reading his plans for that first day on the lake, which included jet skis, waterboarding, wakeboarding and many others. As you were still stirring the eggs, you felt Mingyu’s presence behind you. “There are some slices of carrot left, do you want some?” His voice was low since he didn’t want to disturb Seungkwan, and you felt a small wave of electricity moving through your body, leaving from the exact point his breath touched your skin. 

“Yeah.” The word was murmured, and you saw Mingyu nod, before going back to the table. Seungkwan was still talking about what else all of you could do in the lake that day, and advising you to use sunscreen, when Mingyu’s hand appeared in front of you. He was holding one slice on that hand, and a few more on the other. Since your hands were busy, he took his hand straight to your mouth, placing the slice of carrot in front of it, and you felt a bit shy before taking it. 

He seemed unconcerned as he waited for you to open your mouth, and after a few seconds you did. His sharp teeth soon showed up in the most gorgeous smile you had ever seen, and he proceeded to put one slice into his own mouth. For some reason that disconcerted you a bit, seeing the same finger that had just touched your lips touching his. Mingyu offered you another slice as soon as he started chewing, and you took it without giving it much thought. 

“Ok, now leave it with me.” Mingyu asked as soon as you finished beating the eggs, standing in front of the stove and flashing you another smile. You sat down, holding the mug with the coffee - which by that time had already cooled down -, and waited patiently for your omelet. 

“Did you know I got the wakeboarding just for you?” Seungkwan called your attention and you were finally able to take your eyes off the small veins that were starting to appear on Mingyu’s arms as he flipped the omelet on the air. Your forehead puckered and your head tilted slightly to the side as you thought about it. 

“I… wasn’t coming, Kwanie.” You said slowly. A line could be seen between your brows as your face contorted itself into a confused look, but the corner of Seungkwan’s mouth turned up into a presumptuous smile. 

“Yes, and I was gonna use that against you.” He said blatantly. “I even rented a wakeboard and you didn’t come. Do you think that’s right? My gift better be expensive.” He dramatized every single word and at the end of it your mouth was opened wide with his audacity. Before you could complain, Mingyu placed the omelets on the table, taking a seat next to yours, and blinking at you while he made a small noise with his tongue. 

On top of yours, the word “sorry” was written with thin pieces of carrot and he was smiling at you like a puppy who just brought back the ball you tossed. You nodded, and he beamed. All of you - with the exception of Rae - started eating, and you could tell just by that simple dish that Mingyu wasn’t lying when he said he was a good cook. 

Some others arrived at the kitchen, making themselves some breakfast as well. Eventually Jessica, Seungkwan’s oldest friend, was the only one missing, and he decided to go after her to deliver the schedule for the next two weeks. 

Seungkwan had thought of many fun activities, including - of course - karaoke basically every night. He was a good singer and, because of that, he was completely obsessed over karaoke. You never complained because his voice was way too good for you to not like hearing it, but things started to get a bit messy when Rae drank enough to think that she was pitch perfect. 

Sooner than later the big kitchen started to look small, packed with many faces and filled with the noises of random unsynchronized conversations. That was when you decided it was time for you to leave, so you got up quietly, taking all the empty plates that were left on the table, and decided to wash the dishes.

Chan’s hysterical laugh echoed in the kitchen as soon as he started reading the paper Seungkwan had left in front of him, and that probably covered the sound of Mingyu’s steps towards you. It was only when you heard his voice that you noticed his presence. 

“I can wash that if you want…” He said, almost making you drop the plate you were thoroughly washing. It flew from your hands, but you were able to catch it before it hit anywhere near the sink, and then you sighed. “Wow, those are some good ass reflexes. I could never do that.” 

“And you expect me to let you wash anything? I mean… that comment did not help your case at all, Kim Mingyu.” You said it facetiously and you saw Mingyu biting his lower lip trying to contain a smile. “It’s OK, you cooked, I clean. Next time I’ll cook and you’ll clean. It’s the sacrifices we must make for a good coexistence.” You gave a lopsided grin, making a small dimple appear on your face. 

“Do you expect me to turn off all the alarms? I don’t think I can wake up without them…” He stammered and you let a small giggle emerge as you denied, moving your head slightly from one side to the other. 

“No, but can we tone it down for like… three?” Mingyu felt something flourish on his chest with the gaze you gave him after the question. Could anybody deny you anything ever? If he had to bet, he would bet in “no”. She must’ve been a good lawyer. He thought to himself, convinced that you were using some sort of technique to get what you wanted from him, and to make him feel that weird way. 

Mingyu knew damn well that three alarm clocks usually weren’t able to wake him up. He would instinctively turn off the first four, and only on the fifth he would actually wake up… Or activate the snooze mode. Either way he sounded confident when he responded, and decided that he would make that work. He wanted to make that work, and he didn’t quite figure out why, because it was still too soon for him to believe that the reason was right in front of his eyes: you.

“I’ll make it two if you can beat me on wakeboarding today.” 

chapter five - no way in hell

Feeling better after the - maybe too much - coffee and the breakfast you just had, you decided to go on a reconnaissance mission on the property, that seemed way prettier now than it did the day before.

The building you were currently in was the main building. Differently from the other buildings, it faced the road and not the river, but at the left side of it there was a path that led straight to a huge pier. You realized how tired you were last night because it had gone completely unnoticed by you until that very moment. 

The pier was wooden, and there was an apparent rustic lounge in the middle of it, which obscured your vision of the rest of it. The building you had just left was bigger than the others, even though they were all two story ones. 

On the ground floor of the main building there was a living room, with some round tables, many beanbags, a huge sofa that could probably fit two football teams, and wooden stairs that could take you to the first floor. There was where you could find the kitchen. When it came to rooms, there were seven buildings arranged in a semicircle, with a huge pool in the middle of them. Three of them facing the lake - including the one where your room was -, and the other four facing the mountains. 

You took the long way to your room, circling the pool and seeing that everything was mostly deserted. “Of course, they’re all in the kitchen”, you thought, deciding to speed up and get ready for Seungkwan’s plans for the day. 

Taking way too long in the shower was something you haven’t done in a while, since you always seemed to be in a rush lately. As you felt the cold water hitting your head in a soothing massage you thought to yourself what kind of life you were living, if that small, mundane thing, had caused you such a happy feeling. 

“How can I be this happy if I’m fucking unemployed?” The words came out of your mouth in spite of you being alone. No. They came out of you because you were alone. This was the first time you confronted reality since yesterday and you couldn’t let a small sneer come out alongside that realization.

As your mind started spinning, the drops of water stopped feeling like a massage and started feeling as torture, so you turned the faucet off. Math was never your strong suit, but you started adding up the numbers: You had enough money saved for you to last about a year, could you find a job until then? Yes. The answer came promptly. A small smile replaced that self-harming sneer you had just now, you had time. You could enjoy this. Looking for a way of living would be a problem for the “you” that lived two weeks ahead. Not now-you. Now-you were going to put on a bathing suit and relish this. Rae knocked on your door as soon as you finished putting sunscreen on, asking for you to lend her yours. 

“How come you forgot sunscreen?” You asked, while helping to reach her lower back. It was a surprise for you that Raena would forget anything skin-related, since she was practically an ambassador of skincare. There had not been a day since she hadn’t forced you to put sunscreen on to go to work, mumbling something about you thanking her later. 

“I brought sunscreen… But just the facial one. I was so worried about bringing my lotion so I don’t get ashy that I forgot the body cream.” She sounded defeated, and as soon as you finished covering every last spot of her body - especially her tattoos - you handed her your sunscreen. 

“Take this one. I bought two because I forgot to mark it on my emergency bucket list when we went shopping yesterday.” Her face lit up with the most beautiful smile, and she held your face with both hands, landing a kiss on your right cheek that almost felt like a slap. 

“What would I be without you?” She asked, pulling you out of the room. Once you entered the main house, Jessica was coming down the stairs by herself. She hadn’t arrived in the kitchen until you left, so you could only imagine that she was going back to her room after breakfast. Rae tensed up a bit as soon as she saw her, and you both were greeted by a warm smile on Jessica’s face. 

“Are you guys already going to the pier?” Her bangs were perfectly aligned and she was already wearing a bikini that was peaking out around her neck from her shirt. You nodded, and Rae followed you along. “Great! I’ll just brush my teeth and will be there in a minute.” 

“See you there. It’s a date. Haha.” The awkwardness on Rae’s phrase was almost palpable for you, and were you not too shocked to do anything other than stare at your best friend, you would have wheezed at the very fake laugh she gave at the end of the phrase. “The door, let’s…” She mumbled at you, pushing you towards the glass door that led to the pier. Your mouth was still open, but as soon as Jessica got distante enough you smirked her way.

“So we’re attracted to Jessica. I see.” You commented nonchalantly, and Rae raised her middle finger without giving you a glance. “I’ll take that as a yes. Is she… you know… a woman-kisser-type?” A huge pout appeared on your friend’s face as she sulked, and she dramatically shrugged her shoulders. 

“I. Don’t. Know.” She said the phrase slowly and in such a low whisper you mostly read her lips instead of actually listening. Both of her hands went to her cheeks, framing her face and making the pout grow bigger. “I mean she has short nails. Yesterday in the kitchen she said her favorite show was Orange is The New Black… That’s pretty gay. But I don’t know.”��

You watched her scrutinizing the whole interaction they both had while you were sleeping and for the first time you wished you had decided to have dinner the night prior. Rae’s gaydar was shit. Yours was way better, even though she was much more involved in the LGBTQ+ shenanigans. “Did you ask Seungkwan?” You checked, knowing her well enough to realize that such an easy way out of the doubtful state wouldn’t be perceived by a panicked Raena. 

“Shit. Seungkwan must know. I’m an idiot.” The wheeze you held in earlier came on full force, of course she didn’t ask. What that indicated to you, whatsoever, was that Jessica was an actual crush, and not just some pretty girl Rae would like to hook up with and never talk to again. “How about you, are you eyeing anyone here? Jeonghan’s cute.”

“Of fucking course you’d pick the most feminine man out of them all. You are so predictable.” She just shrugged again after saying that he was her type. Rae went silent for a while, stopping you as soon as you both stepped on the pier. 

“How about Rugel?” An expression of complete disgust took over your face and Raena remembered Friday, where Rugel was almost getting on his knees, begging Jay to bring some strippers. “Ew. No. You’re right… Just Kim Mingyu then.” 

You looked at her, sticking your tongue out before admitting. “He’s my type, what can a girl do?” She giggled at the way you said the phrase, but your shoulders dropped after you said the next phrase: “I’m not his, though. So I’ll just… enjoy my friends on this trip I guess?” 

“Leave me out of it, don’t fucking cockblock me.” You pushed her softly, and she pushed you back, giggling at your fake pout. “You are very charming. Couldn’t you change his mind? He seems to be more open to you… I noticed today. But that could also be him being terrified, I can’t understand the straights.” She gestured vaguely, and said the words as if she was talking about a totally different species. You bit your lower lip, trying to keep your voice down. “I actually don’t know? Mingyu seemed to be flirting a bit with me lately, but I don’t know if…” 

“Nah, that’s just Mingyu being Mingyu.” Seokmin’s voice startled you, making you blurt out a jumble of words that made no sense. “Oh sorry. Did I scare you?” He asked and you fumed him, feeling your heart trying to burst out of your chest. 

“You think?!” He smiled awkwardly, but it still made his eyes vanish. Rae was squinting at him, she knew Seokmin was also good friends with Jessica and she was struggling between deciding if she should ask him about her sexual orientation or whether he had heard the conversation you both were having. 

“Were you listening?” She decided to go for the safest option for her. She knew Seungkwan well enough to know he would keep her secret, but she knew nothing about Seokmin besides that he had great teeth and apparently was good at entering conversations. The man denied, swaying his head from left to right, making his silky hair glow under the sunlight. 

“No. No.” He was quick to explain himself, a bit surprised that the most scary of you two at that moment seemed to be Rae, and not you. “I went to get UNO cards for us to play and I heard you talking about Mingyu flirting… He’s like that. He flirted with my grandma when we went to visit her. It’s… the only way he knows how to be nice I guess?” You nodded and Rae let out a sigh of relief. Her secret crush would live another day.

“It’s okay with me. I wouldn’t want to hook up with him anyway. I still have some pride, you know?” You declared, and Raena giggled at the rapid change of heart you had when Seokmin got involved in the conversation. 

“Oh, come fucking on. His boobs are bigger than mine, of course you would hook up with him.” That damn slick smile on her face made your blood boil. She knew you well enough to know that when you want something you get, but at the same time you’re a prideful bitch that misses out on opportunities because of some hurt ego. Mingyu, whatsoever, didn’t hurt your ego, so there was no way in hell you would pass up that opportunity if it came to you eventually.

“What’s the point of such big manboobs if there’s no heart behind them? There’s no way I’d hook up with Kim Mingyu. End of story.” You guaranteed. Seokmin was switching his gaze from you to Rae, but he soon cleared his throat, almost demanding your attention.

“Changing subjects, do you guys want to play UNO? I must warn you, though… Seungcheol is a bit competitive…” A grin showed up on your face as you nodded excitedly. Rae and Seungkwan usually avoided playing with you because they said that you could get too worked up when it came to any sort of card games, but deep down you felt like they were just bad losers and you were a good player. 

Rae looked at you, and then to Seokmin. She knew you, and she knew what a competitive bastard you were… Probably she couldn’t handle two of you in the same game, that would be too much of a hazard for her to take. Besides, she could always lay under the sun to get a bit tanned while you were cursing yourselves over colored cards. 

“Are we playing UNO? I love UNO!” Jessica’s voice echoed from a small distance, and you saw Rae’s gaze change. The person that seemed settled on setting the game aside had vanished from her eyes, and a Rae that was willing and excited to play UNO appeared instead. 

“Yeah! I’d love to play UNO. UNO’s the best…” She seemed unsure, but probably you were the only one who knew Raena enough to notice. Her feeble smile made a presumptuous smirk show up on your face, but as Seokmin and Jessica finally entered the lounge, she just place her index finger on one of the lenses of your glasses - something she used to do constantly simply to annoy the shit out of you - and stuck her tongue out marching in. 

“You’re no better than a man.” You declared, taking off your glasses to clean that stupid fingerprint.

chapter six - draw four

“You cannot stack a draw four on top of a draw two. It’s against the rules.” You nagged as Seungcheol’s cheeky grin faded after trying to turn your two remaining cards into twelve. 

“Says who?” His eyes turned big as he sulked, almost like he was defying you with a presumptuous look, but you just sulked back, squinting your eyes and trying to assert your dominance. There was no way that man would make you draw ten cards when you were so close to winning. 

Since the UNO games had started, you had won twice and Seungcheol three times. The small spark of competitiveness turned into a fire as soon as he said your first win was “sheer luck”, and even though Seokmin had also won three times, he was completely ignored by the two of you, who started competing against each other to see who would win more.

“UNO rules.” You picked up the draw four card from the pile, giving it back to him. “Now be a man, pick up the fucking six cards and make me pick up four next time.” His mouth dropped, but when he looked around he could see that everyone was on your side. Fuck, Seungcheol thought to himself. He reached for the draw pile, counting the six cards as you smiled victoriously.

“Good boy.” His head turned to you quickly, bearing a fuming gaze and pierced eyebrows. He took the hair elastic from his wrist, and tied the upper half of his hair, leaving just the bleached part down. “It’s on.” The words came out in a low pitched voice, and you just replied with a cocky smile and a wink, that seemed to make him more frustrated. 

“The last time I’ve experienced this kind of unnerving match was soccer I guess…” Jessica whispered to no one in particular, but was easily heard by Mingyu and Rae, who were sitting by her side. Mingyu was observing your interaction with a weird feeling on his chest that he couldn’t distinguish what was. 

“World Cup?” Rae asked. At that time, you had just reversed the game and called UNO, making Seungcheol more pissed than he already was, and the small kiss you blew to him was enough to make Mingyu turn his attention completely to the girls next to him, wanting to see no more of that interaction.

“Nah. FIFA. My 12 year old brother was playing against our 31 year old neighbor and things were… intense. Charles moved out with his wife after that game…” A loud cackle came out of Rae while Mingyu pushed his lips together trying not to laugh loudly. He closed his eyes and let his body fall back as Rae murmured “Poor Charles” while she tried to gasp for air. 

“Which one is which, though?” Mingyu asked after recovering, wiping a few tears that had formed in the corner of his eyes. The laughter called the attention of Wonwoo, who was sitting next to Mingyu, and Robin - one of Seungkwan’s closest co-workers -, who sat next to Raena. 

“That depends on who wins at the end…” She was serious, and that made Mingyu want to laugh all over again. Joshua asked what was that about, being filled in by Mingyu and wheezing as soon as he did. 

“I actually think they’ll end up dating. That's the classic “rivals to lovers” trope.” Robin commented quickly and Mingyu sulked, biting his lower lip and feeling an animosity appear between him and the small girl. 

“Oh, that’s my favorite fanfiction trope.” Wonwoo commented unintendedly, and as the four of them gave him shocked looks he cleared his throat and adjusted his posture before correcting himself in a very unconvincing way. “Book trope. I meant book trope.”

“Pay attention to the game, please?” Seungcheol’s voice echoed amongst the lounge, and Wonwoo noticed it was his turn to play. He dropped any card, being followed by the other four one by one.

“I don’t think he’s her type.” Mingyu resumed the conversation, talking specifically to Robin, but making himself be heard by the other people that were paying attention. He glanced once again to you, watching as you smirked at Seungcheol while he sulked watching no one changing the color that he knew for a fact you had. 

“Oh, he is. Competitive... Nice smile... Funny… Defying her like that, but also was kind to her, giving her his pillow for her to sit down as soon as we arrived… Fire sign... He’s totally her type.” Rae raised a finger at every characteristic she could point out that made Seungcheol someone who you would be attracted to, and Mingyu’s mouth formed a pout that got bigger for every finger she’d raise. “Actually yeah, that could turn into something more by the end of these weeks, you’re totally right, Robin.” 

“That’s 3-3, Cheolie.” You said as you discarded your last card, and Seungcheol dropped his cards furiously. Mingyu dropped his as well, and suddenly he didn’t feel like playing UNO anymore. He couldn’t cope any longer with the discomfort on his chest and decided it was time for him to do anything else. 

“Aren’t you playing anymore?” Your voice caused an electric wave to run through his body, and suddenly the discomfort grew into a throb on your chest. The bright smile you had on your face contrasted deeply to the audacious smiles you threw Seungcheol’s way through the last four games, but it made him smile back. 

“Yeah. I’m just… going to get my phone.” He scanned the room and made up an excuse last minute, seeing his phone charging on a corner not that far. Your smile grew and Mingyu felt hypnotized by it. The way your nose scrunched, the way your cheeks would lift so much that your eyes almost vanished, the odd placement of your tongue that made the smile look so pure and at the same time so provocative… Everything was endearing to Mingyu, and made his heart pound. 

“Guys, it’s almost time for the beginning of my morning schedule.” Seungkwan nagged. Apart from the two of you, everyone seemed to be playing just to pass the time, and just the mention of the beginning of the - so called - “S(eungk)wan Lake Day” started to lift everyone’s spirits. 

“Ok. I’ll just beat Cheol’s ass on this one last game and then we can go to the lake.” Once again the presumptuous smile showed on your face, and Mingyu sat down to see Seungcheol copy that look while you fixed your glasses. 

“How about that? We’re 3 to 3, whoever wins this will be the champion, and the loser will get flicked on the forehead.” Seungcheol suggested and you promptly agreed.

“I’m in.” Seokmin blurted out, seeing the two of you look at him like adults watching a six year old saying they’ll go all in on a poker game where he was just a spare wheel. You just ignored it, dealing the cards. You and Seungcheol kept bickering the entire game, stacking attack cards on top of each other to prevent the other from winning at every possibility. 

“UNO. I want the color yellow.” Seokmin yelled the words, and both you and Seungcheol let a loud “Fuck” slip out of your mouths at the same time. Seokmin wasn’t sitting next to either of you, but he was closest to you. Chan was in between you two, and Seungcheol was sitting on the other side, making the order be: Seungcheol, You, Chan, Seokmin. 

Your nemesis looked at you as the others played their cards, and he slowly showed you a yellow +2 card he had on his hand. You smiled brightly, showing him two +2 cards you had in your own hands, and as if your brains were connected you understood perfectly what he was indicating when he waved his head slightly to Chan.

“Pss, Lee Chan.” You whispered, sliding one of your +2 cards his way and winking. He, on the other way, looked displeased, denying the card with a sulky face. You insisted, sliding the card to him once again, and he swayed his head from one side to the other as he slid the card back. 

“I just have two cards, I won’t get one of yours.” He seemed obstinate. Seungcheol, who was paying attention to every single bit of it, made a discontent sound. You bit your lower lip, trying to think of a way to prevent Seokmin from winning. 

“What are we gonna do?” As you pretended to stretch, you closed the gap between you and Seungcheol to whisper in his ear, but before he could answer, Jeonghan dropped a Wild Card, calling out for the color red. You were relieved and you could see Seungcheol was also. 

“Bet he stole that before the game began just so he could use it now.” He whispered at you and you let out a small giggle. That round was truce between you two, neither of you needed to word it for you to know, and that was why Seungcheol discarded a red four, even though you knew he had a plus four that you’ve got a glimpse of when he was showing you his plus two. 

“UNO. Yellow.” Chan howled excitedly, making both of your smiles drop at an instant. He was so focused on his own game that he paid Seokmin’s game no mind, and that bit you and Cheol on your asses. Chan was smiling brightly, gaze fixed on his card and waiting for someone to discard the same number so that he could win before his turn could arrive - it was a house rule that you could ‘cut’ the game if you had called UNO. It obviously didn’t happen, as Seokmin placed his last card on the pile, making you and Seungcheol throw your cards completely vexed. 

Everyone seemed excited with that outcome but the two of you. Seokmin ran towards Mingyu, throwing himself in his arms to celebrate, and Jeonghan couldn’t stop laughing at Chan's confused face, realizing he had just lost. Seokmin got up, starting to crackle his fingers. 

“Give me your foreheads, I’ve won four times. I am THE champion.” He stretched the word more than necessary and you felt vanquished. He was the champion and you were the loser. Fuck. 

With a big pout on your face, you brushed your hair back with your fingers, exposing your forehead. “Ok. Get it over with. I admit defeat.” Mingyu giggled at the way you said it, you looked outrageously cute. Seokmin crackled his fingers a bit more, shaking his hand and suddenly holding his middle finger with his thumb. 

“Don’t hit her too hard.” Mingyu found himself speaking without even noticing, and that distracted Seokmin, who ended up missing the right spot on your forehead and only grazing his middle finger. He looked furiously at Mingyu, who just raised his hand slowly, giving him a thumbs up with a half hearted smile. Seungcheol didn’t have the same luck, and you giggled at the red mark that started forming on his forehead. 

Everyone headed towards the lake, but you decided it was best for you to leave your glasses at your room before losing them like you did on your last trip to the beach. As Seungkwan started to guide everyone out, you faced towards the path that led to the main house. 

“Are you always that competitive?” Mingyu started to trace the same way you did, catching up with you in no time. You slowed your pace until he did, and then you started walking together. Looking at him, you saw a curious look on his face, and a closed-mouthed smile waiting for your response. 

“Yeah…” You were quick to confess. It was a part of you that you weren’t exactly proud of, but it still was a part of you, so you never felt like hiding, and Mingyu had just experienced the whole thing, so you were sure lying wouldn’t be effective. “To be honest I usually don’t give up until I win. I just didn’t suggest another UNO game because Seungkwan would murder me, and by murder I mean…” 

“Not talking to you for six months and then crying while nagging about you not respecting his wishes on his birthday?” Mingyu asked and you just raised one of your eyebrows. He opened another smile, making his teeth show up this time and immediately biting his lower lip especially with his canines. 

“I was going to say ‘yell’, but damn that was specific. Are you ok?” His face made you giggle, and he giggled as soon as you did. He pretended to be wiping some tears off his face as he rambled “I’m ok. I’m ok.”, which made you giggle again. Mingyu felt accomplished. He would do anything to hear that sound once more, but his fast brain made a connection that it probably shouldn’t and he got serious all of a sudden. 

“If you don’t give up until you win, why did you give up on me so easily?” His question made you stop giggling, but you didn’t notice how serious he was about it, continuing to walk thoughtlessly. 

“Simple. You’re not a game.” You responded unhinged. “Winning a game is up to me, someone being attracted to me is not.” Silence took over as Mingyu thought of your words. There was something else he wanted to ask, but no combination of words seemed to express exactly what it was. 

“What if I wanted it to be a game?” He was actually trying to say that he did not want you to give up, but as soon as the words were spoken he realized that not even he understood the phrase that way. 

“Well, if it was a game… It’s like you stacked four plus fours, making me pick up sixteen as soon as the game started. Does that make sense?” You had finally arrived at the building where your room was, but him following you along didn’t seem odd since his room was next to yours. You’d just figured he also had something to leave or take from his room. 

“I annoyed you?” He asked, slightly worried, but you giggled, stopping at the front of your door, and seeing him stop as well. You slowly moved your head from one side to the other. 

“No. I just knew that it was a game I couldn’t win.”

chapter seven - bitter secret

When you left your room again, Mingyu was still standing in the same position he was before. You squinted involuntarily, trying to get a better glimpse of his face, but since he was more than ten inches away, your attempt was unsuccessful. 

“You’re still here.” The remark was more to you than to Mingyu, but he nodded, tilting his head slightly towards the only way out of the building, as if he was inviting you to leave. In a very natural movement he offered his hand for you to take, and once again you found yourself squinting, this time to make sure that it was actually happening. The step you took was reckless, but your actions were more reckless than that, as you reached out for the hand he was offering you and let him pull you out of the building. 

“Had to make sure you weren’t cheating, I’m way too accustomed to Yoon Jeonghan, I fear.” Mingyu was walking in front of you as he guided you through the corridors, and for that tiny moment you let him do it, ignoring the soft touch of his hand on yours, the absence of sweat on his palms this time, the warmth of his fingers that contrasted with your usually cold ones. You ignored all of it, because if you thought for a second about it you would know that holding his hand was a stupid thing to do. 

When you left the building you let go of his hand, and for the first time he seemed flustered, as if only then he had noticed he was holding your hand so nonchalantly this entire time. “Have you done it before? Wakeboarding?” You asked, making the awkward tension that had installed between you two vanish, and you walked a bit faster to get to his side. 

“Uh hum.” Mingyu answered. He had a small smirk on his lips, but you couldn’t actually see it well enough to fully understand what he meant by it, so you just decided to look where you were heading and not the one beside you. “I’m actually pretty good at it, you’re screwed. Have you done it before?” 

“Nope. Never.” The words made him stop, running your way as soon as he saw you almost hitting your head on the branch of a tree that was a bit too low. Your eyes were fixed on the ground, and because of that you missed the tree, but Mingyu’s hand went straight to your forehead, getting in the way of it and the branch, as he gently placed his hand to protect your face. 

“Hey! Be careful! I’m not used to being the least clumsy one, you know?” He nagged and you giggled at that comment. “You’ve never been wakeboarding and yet you made a bet with me? That’s a bit stupid.” 

“Just because it’s stupid it doesn’t mean it’s wrong… And stupid’s usually more fun, you know?” You justified yourself, watching him trip on absolutely nothing as he tried to match your pace. “I’m very athletic, I’ll be fine. You, on the other hand, are about to be beaten by someone who has never wakeboarded before… That’s a bit embarrassing.”

“Guess I’ll be keeping my three alarms then.” His smug look made you want to win so bad you almost started running towards the pier to get the competition started. You probably wouldn’t win, you knew that even before Mingyu told you that he had tried it before, but seeing him smile like that made you glad you agreed to that bet.

As you approached the pier, you saw the boat already connected to a tow cable, alongside with a wakeboard and a few wakeboarding boots scattered around the place. Jeonghan was trying to find boots that would fit him, while Rae was standing next to Jessica and Seungcheol, who were playing rock, paper, scissors for some reason you didn’t know. 

Some people were on the water, playing on a separated part of the lake that was shallower than the one where the boat was in. They played with a ball and you wondered if you would have time to do that too. 

“Yes!” Jessica screamed, and you decided to go there before finding out what you would need to go wakeboarding. She was holding two fingers up and Seuncheol was looking at his open hand regretfully. “Do you wanna go jet skiing with me, Raena?” 

Rae’s face started tinting gradually while Jessica had her eyes directed towards her. She nodded awkwardly and the redness spreaded more when the red-haired girl grinned brightly and started to look for life jackets. “Dude, get a grip.” You whispered to your friend and that was enough to wake her up. She went after Jessica, helping her with the life jacket and letting the girl help her to put on hers. 

“You lost again… How lame.” You murmured to Seungcheol and his eyes started fuming you. A big pout formed on his mouth and you knew he was about to nag, but Mingyu’s loud voice muddled any train of thought Seungcheol had going on, and he just stood there glazing at you.  

“Ya… Yoon Jeonghan is pretty good at it.” His voice was a bit louder than normal and he just meddled in between you and Seungcheol, stopping in a way that made you both take a step back, furthering away from each other.  Mentioning Jeonghan’s name was enough to rip the pout out of Seungcheol’s face and turn the frown into a mesmerized look. He was, indeed, pretty good at wakeboarding, despite his not-so-athletic looks. 

While you were almost hypnotically following Jeonghan with your eyes, you landed on Jessica and Raena trying to hop on a blue jet ski that was parked on the last spot of the pier. The red-haired girl was cackling at something that Rae said, and the latter was smiling proudly at the scene. 

“Is Jessica single?” The question was blurted out unintentionally, but it was enough to make both Mingyu and Seungcheol take their eyes off of Jeonghan and turn them to you. There was no point in going back with your question, so while they looked at you, unsure if the question was rhetorical or actually aimed at one of them, you simply raised one eyebrow, almost demanding an answer. 

“Yeah. She is.” Seungcheol answered, and soon enough Mingyu jabbered something that sounded like a “Maybe, why?”. You nodded at the answer, turning your eyes back to Jeonghan and asking the following question without properly looking at any of them. 

“Does she like girls?” Mingyu’s eyes went straight to Seungcheol, and he waved his head from one side to the other, begging with his eyes for Cheol to deny it. He, on the other hand, seemed too intrigued by Jeonghan’s abilities to actually pay attention to Mingyu, and just answered casually: “Um hum. She’s pansexual.” 

“Nice…” 

“Why?” Mingyu’s question came at the same time as your response. You just shrugged, noticing that Jeonghan had fallen for the third time and was, because of that, coming back to the starting point of the wakeboarding to pass it onto one of you. “I was just curious.” You said, starting to look for a life jacket and boots that would fit you. There was no way in hell you’d sell Rae out like that, and if they didn’t notice her obvious interest in Jessica, you weren’t going to be the one to tell them. 

Mingyu was sulking while he also looked for equipment for him. You paid him no mind, finding out that all life jackets were the same size, but they were adjustable. After a few minutes trying to figure out how the fuck you should tighten the belt for it to fit your body size, you saw Mingyu approaching you and noticed that his sulk was still on his face. 

“You have to pull this part.” He said it, pointing to a strap that was on the right side of your body. Pulling it was harder than you thought, and you imagined it was broken. You pulled it up, down and sideways but the belt wouldn’t budge even a little. 

“Gyu, help me.” Your voice was soft and looking at you made something inside Mingyu crumble. He got completely stuck in place, mesmerized by the way your mouth folded when you called him by that nickname, trapped by your kind gaze and the way you - for the first time - seemed helpless. You weren’t. You weren’t helpless at all, Mingyu was sure of that, he was the one who was helpless, feeling his heart burn inside his chest with a simple word. 

“Please?” You pleaded once again and that made him finally move. The smile you flashed at him when he approached you was enough to make him almost trip on his own feet. You raised your arm a bit to make it easier for him to reach the strap he should pull, and Mingyu felt glad you did so, because that way your arm stood between your eyes and his trembling hands. 

“S-sure.” He stuttered. Even though he imagined taking his eyes off of yours would make things better, seeing a small glimpse of flesh from your waist and some drawing he couldn’t distinguish from so little disclosure made him shiver. Mingyu simply pulled the strap as fast as he could, inebriated by the proximity of you two and hoping that it would be over soon so he could come back to his senses. 

“You know, what? Let me tell you a secret…” Mingyu stepped back as soon as he helped you adjust your life jacket, but the heat that took over him after getting close to you didn’t seem to go away, but to only get worse when you murmured those words so quietly he was sure to be the only one to have listened to them. 

His hands were still trembling and his heart was pounding on his chest when you approached him once again, standing on your tiptoes to whisper something in his ear. The hand you placed on his shoulder to help you to stand taller burned like coal and he wasn’t sure about actually listening to what you had to say because of how loudly his heart was palpitating. “I’m kind of glad you rejected me. That way we can be friends. I think we’ll make good friends.” 

Before he could say anything else, Jeonghan’s high pitched voice took over the pier, as he asked who was next. You raised your hand excitedly, and ran over to Jeonghan, asking him some tips for you not to fall, and Mingyu just stood there, letting those words sink alongside a bitterness he never felt before. 

chapter eight - gratitude

“... Then she simply held my hands and placed them on her waist!” Raena was gushing words one after the other while pacing in circles inside her room, and you and Seungkwan were lying on her bed, too tired to do anything but listen. Your arms were so heavy you felt like they could fall off at any time, and your legs felt weak, both from the wakeboarding and from following Jeonghan’s advice to “no matter what you do, don’t let go of the handle.” 

Fuck. You should’ve let go of the handle when it hurted, but some part of you still wished you could last longer than Mingyu and win yourself that stupid bet, but no. You didn’t win anything more than an aching body and the taste of utter defeat. Oh, and also three alarm clocks to wake you up the following morning, hurray.

“I think I’m in love.” After telling you all the excruciating details of her interaction with Jessica during that day, she concluded, throwing herself on top of you two and making Seungkwan curse loudly when he felt her weight mostly over him. 

“You say that every six months. Chill out, miss ‘I’m a cancer’”, you closed your eyes, not needing to see her to know exactly the face your best friend would make after listening to those words, and also knowing damn well what her next words would be. 

“This time is different…” She pleaded, but Seungkwan let a small giggle slip from his mouth, and when Raena gave him the dirty look he simply shrugged nonchalantly, spitting the words she also knew well, and also knew were true: “You also always say that.” 

“She’s gay though. I mean, panssexual, but nonetheless she kisses women, so I say go for it.” You informed her and next thing you knew was Rae’s weight shifting completely from Seungkwan to you, as she hugged you awkwardly because of the weird position you both found yourselves in.

Seungkwan started laughing when Raena decided that showering you with kisses - that he knew for a fact that you didn’t actually enjoy that much but only endured because they came from Rae - was a good idea. Your phone started ringing and while Rae murmured a bunch of gratitude words for the universe for “making her crush like women”, you asked Seungkwan to see who it was. 

Your mother’s name popped up on the screen and he remembered how shocked he was when he figured out that you wouldn’t simply put “Mom” or “Dad” on their contact informations because if somebody kidnapped you, they wouldn’t know who to call for money and your parents wouldn’t be worried about you being kidnaped and shit. Made absolutely no sense to Seungkwan, who had his mother saved as “Mommy” until this day. 

“It’s your mom.” His announcement created a discomfort that was almost tangible. You felt every single cell of your body stiffen, and your eyes opened wide towards the phone. He could see you processing the information slowly, and even Rae realized something was off about your reaction, which made her roll her body away from yours. 

“Decline it.” You said after giving it a little bit of thought. You weren’t ready for that conversation yet, and you were just starting to enjoy your “vacation” - you decided to not call it unemployment until you came back home for your own sake -, so getting scolded by your mother after texting her that you’d quit your job was not on your plans for the week. 

“You should talk to your mother.” Seungkwan said, passing you the phone without declining the call like you had asked. You did it yourself, pressing the red button and turning your phone off after you’ve done it. 

“I will… Just… Not now.” You explained after seeing his scandalized expression. Seungkwan was a good son who had an awesome relationship with his parents, and sometimes you hated him for it. No. Not him. What you actually hated was that he couldn’t understand how bad communication was between you and your parents. They were good parents, they’d always provide and make sure you felt loved and belonging, but they didn’t know you also wanted to feel heard. And, unfortunately for you, that was never the case. No matter how hard you tried conveying your thoughts, they would never try to understand. The miscommunication often made it seem to them - and, in some ways, to you - like you were a bad daughter. 

“I gave birth to a beautiful girl, and for what? For her to keep things from me! For her to not tell me shit about herself!” Your mom would always say the same things when you wouldn’t answer her questions, or even when you would answer them, but not the way she wanted. “Don’t lie. I know you’re keeping something from me.” It was always the same. Sometimes she didn’t even say anything, but her expression proclaimed the words louder than she would or could. And you’d feel like shit. Always feeling like you were not enough, like your experiences were never enough. 

You remember the look on her face when you showed her and your dad your acceptance letter to Law School. It was a first for you: the first time you actually felt she was proud, the first time you felt her smile was genuine. 

How would you explain to her that she wasn’t happy for you back then, but for herself? How would you explain to someone who never tried to understand you that you had found yourself dancing to a song you didn’t like and simply decided to turn off the music? You didn’t want to let that familiar feeling of being a disappointment ruin those next weeks, so you would let that conversation for later, for when you could endure the harsh words without letting them slip into your mind like poison.

“Ok, just let her know you’re alive then, for fuck’s sake. Don’t be a dick.” You puffed, rolling your eyes to Seungkwan’s comment, but still did what he suggested, fishing your phone once again and turning it on. A message showed on your screen as soon as it was activated. 

Answer the damn phone. What do you mean you quit?! Without talking to us first? What is going on with you lately… [Tuesday, 10:19 p.m.]

You let a huge sigh come out, starting to type something almost immediately. Seungkwan and Raena watched you doing it in silence, just being there like they always were. 

I’m alive, well and busy. I’ll text you eventually to let you know if I’m ok, and I will go to your house when I come back from the trip I’m on right now for us to talk. Sorry about the mess. [Tuesday, 10:28 p.m.]

Your phone was tossed across the bed as soon as you sent it, and you tried getting up but an agonized moan left your throat at the same time you felt your arm failing you and aching terribly. “Ok, I’ll have to sleep here, I can’t get up.” You let yourself fall into Rae’s bed again, spreading your arms as slowly as you could to a position that wouldn’t harm them.

“No fucking way, what if Jessica sees you leaving my room and think we’re something?” Rae protested, and you couldn’t help but laugh. It was reassuring to have her and Seungkwan beside you, and you realized what a shitty friend you had been for the past years by not doing the same, not even once, because of a job you didn’t even like. That wouldn’t happen anymore, you were obstinate. 

“But we are something… We are besties.” You said with a huge pout on your face and in the cutest way you could, and Seungkwan whimpered, covering his mouth as if he was holding vomit. 

“Ugh, that was disgusting. How old do you fucking think you are to speak with that kind of voice?” He complained and Raena started laughing. You couldn’t help but laugh along with them. 

“My Boo can’t handle my baby voice? I can’t believe it.” He formed a fist with his hands by the side of his head and closed his eyes with a lot of strength, as if he was physically in pain because of the way you were speaking. If you could move you’d definitely hug him, but it wasn’t possible for you, so you just threw a kiss his way, making a tiny heart with your thumb and index finger. 

“Stop it. It’s scary.” The heart slowly turned into you giving him the middle finger. You couldn’t even explain how much you missed this, and while Seungkwan threatened to hit you - which he definitely would if he actually wanted to, you knew that -, you felt a silly smile appear in your face. 

“Thank you, guys.” You said suddenly, and both Rae and Seungkwan looked at you a bit confused. “For not giving up on me even when I had.”

chapter nine - pain killer

Some knocks on your door woke you up. You rolled in your bed, still trying to get used to the brightness that was consuming your room, but the knocks didn’t seem to stop. After a few seconds you recognized they were the rhythm to one of King Princess’ songs that Rae liked, making you assume that it could only be her. 

“I’m awake, stop knocking for fuck’s sake.” You muffled the words as loud as you were able to do with your morning voice, and the door knob turned slowly, as Raena put her head inside of your room with a cheeky smile on her face. You indicated with your head that she should come in and she promptly did, throwing herself on your bed and making you almost fall from it. 

“We’re going hiking. Do you want to go?” She asked you and you finally noticed her outfit. Rae was wearing leggings and a loose t-shirt with a drawing that you were pretty sure she made a few months back. You contemplated for a bit, but felt once again the muscle pain your wakeboarding experience had gifted you the previous day, and you simply denied it. 

“Nah, I don’t think I can move that much today… Maybe tomorrow?” You asked, and Rae agreed. Hiking was not your favorite activity, but it was definitely something you’d like to try in that beautiful landscape. “Who are you going with?” 

“Basically everybody, it’s on Seungkwan’s schedule, so anyone who’s not completely broken from yesterday is going.” She explained and you pouted, wishing you weren’t that sore. You didn’t regret wakeboarding, it was fun and you actually were pretty good at it, but you hoped that the pain would fade quickly so you could do all the other things Seungkwan had planned for those two weeks. 

“Hm.” You murmured, hugging her and closing your eyes once again, as if you were about to go back to sleep. “I’ll get up and eat something then…” There was nothing in your actions that indicated that you would actually get out of bed, and Raena simply flicked your forehead, making you open your eyes once again. 

“You should go to the pool, I heard it’s good to make muscular pain go away. Now let me go, get the fuck up and don’t over sleep.” She threw your arms away from her and got up from your bed quickly, and since you knew well the consequences to not do so, you obeyed her, sitting on it with your eyes still half open. You looked for your glasses, placing them on your face and finally getting up. “Bye, baby, I’ll be back before lunch!” Raena took leave and once again you found yourself alone in your room. 

Taking cold showers would always wake you up, and that time wasn’t any different. It didn’t take long for you to get out of your room and head to the kitchen. The lake complex was deserted, you couldn’t see a single soul walking aimlessly on your way to the main house, and when you got there things were equally silent and empty. You ate by yourself, taking your time and enjoying being alone as much as you could. 

After eating breakfast, you went straight to the pool. When getting ready, you put on your bikini and tons of sunscreen, intending to do as Rae said earlier, but you didn’t expect the sun to be so hot that day, and you regretted not taking your UV shirt with you. Afraid to get sunburned, you didn’t even take your clothes, just putting your feet inside the big pool and hoping the sun would give a truce eventually so that you could jump in. 

Getting back to your room to get your shirt was not an option. You knew yourself well enough to know that once you saw your bed you would give up on leaving it until somebody arrived, so you just stayed there, with your feet immersed and letting your head wander freely. 

“Where’s everybody?” Mingyu’s voice woke you from the trance you had entered without even noticing. His hair was a bit messy, he was wearing prescription glasses - which, by the way, you didn’t know he needed -, but still seemed to be well awake and was in swimming clothes. The white UV shirt he was with was different from the black one he wore the previous day, but his shorts were the same. He sat next to you, putting both of his feet inside the pool, almost mimicking your pose, and murmuring a complaint about the water being cold as soon as he did. 

“Everyone went hiking… I thought you did too?” You seemed confused, but he let a sound of understanding come out of his mouth along with a very dramatic expression as soon as he remembered Seungkwan’s schedule for the day. He swung his head from one side to the other, being quick to explain. 

“I just set one alarm today, so I ended up not waking up in time.” His phrase made a cheeky smile show up on your face, and Mingyu was the one to look at you confused that time. You giggled, staring at some waves that were being created by the soft movements you made with your feet. 

“You won yesterday, you could’ve set three… Are you that desperate to get into my good side, Kim Mingyu?” You teased him and could see him getting flustered more quickly than you anticipated. Seungcheol was right… It was fun teasing Mingyu.  

“No, I-” He started mumbling, which made his phrases come out more slurred than they usually would, almost making it sound like he was stuttering. “I didn’t do it because of you, I wouldn’t do that, I won yesterday. I did it because… Because I wanted to… Uhm… I wanted to see if I could wake up with just one, you know, alarm. I couldn’t, tomorrow I’m setting three, you’ll see.” You giggled, nodding your head. “Why are you here, then? Why didn’t you go hiking?” Mingyu asked, and you gave him a half-hearted smile.

“My whole body hurts. Because of wakeboarding… Rae told me I should get into the pool but I forgot my UV shirt and I’m pretty sure that if I leave this place I will not only sleep until noon, but also get scolded for not listening to her when she gets back.” You explained and he nodded in agreement, taking his feet off the pool and standing up right beside you. 

You observed him doing so, a bit startled by his sudden movement, and almost choked when realized what he was actually going to do. With his right arm, he pulled the back part of the collar of his shirt, taking it off swiftly in a very smooth and fast movement. You felt your body stiffen by the sight of his pecs and from how large you just realized he actually was. Even though you tried, you couldn’t get your eyes off of his tanned skin, and it was only when he threw the shirt your way that you actually looked at his face again. 

He was bearing a rather innocent smile and you felt like punching him in the face for it. “Wear mine, then. Let’s get into the pool.” He said nonchalantly, taking his glasses off and jumping right after that. You took your time, but soon enough threw yourself onto the pool. 

You held your breath to dive in, emerging with your hair completely soaked and a happy expression staggered across your face. It was, indeed, relaxing to be surrounded by that much water, and you weren’t able to enjoy this silly thing the day prior because you were too busy trying to learn how to wakeboard properly. Mingyu watched you quietly, keeping his distance without taking his eyes off you for even a split second. 

“Do you think the deep part of it is too deep? I kinda wanna swim there…” You asked him, and Mingyu finally seemed to be pulled back to reality. He shrugged, starting to walk to the other side of the pool, where it would gradually become deeper. 

“Let’s see.” He got to the deepest part of the pool with not much effort, still being able to stand on his feet without submerging even the slightest. “Seems ok to me! Try coming here!” Mingyu shouted and you started walking towards his direction happily. 

Before you could get to him, you got almost completely submerged, being obligated to push yourself up and start moving your arms so that you would float. “Ok my ass, I almost drowned!” You nagged and Mingyu laughed at you, approaching quickly. 

“Maybe you’re too short?” He asked with a teasing tone, and you swam forward, getting close enough to splash some water on him while still struggling to remain floating and not sink to the part that was definitely too deep for you. 

“Or maybe you’re just too tall, how about that? I’m tall enough.” You asked and he couldn’t help himself from smiling like an idiot while watching you making a big effort to seem stable when you clearly weren’t. You felt his grip on your waist not much long after, and with his two hands he held you up, making it consequently easy for you to remain there. 

His touch, however, provoked a strange feeling in your skin. It was a soft pressure, but everything about it electrified your body in an unnatural way, and his pretty smile only made it worse. You could feel every single inch of his hands while he sank his fingertips on your skin, and you got so distracted by it you almost didn’t realize he had pulled you closer, until you saw yourself nearer than you’d expected from his tanned skin and sharp teeth. 

“What are you doing?” You asked a bit flustered, but his grip never got looser. Instead, he ran his fingers a little bit further up the UV shirt, which was so big for you that it was practically floating with the exception of the parts on your arms, and pulled you even closer to his unclothed chest. 

“Keeping you from drowning…” His voice was two tones lower and quieter, and his eyes were burning onto yours. You felt your heart pounding on your chest when he reduced the distance between you two even more. He slowly shifted his gaze, almost as if any abrupt movement would startle you, and kept bypassing every inch of your face as he did so. You could almost feel the heat created by his intense stare as his eyes went down, stopping only when they reached your lips.

“Oh! You guys are here!” Even though Seokmin’s eyes were almost closed shut, he was wearing one of his bright smiles while he walked your way. Your hands went immediately to Mingyu’s shoulders, pushing them in a desperate movement to free yourself from his grip. Seokmin’s voice startled him enough to make it an easy movement for you, and once again you were flapping your arms to keep yourself with your head above the water level. “Where’s everybody else?” 

“Hm… They… Went hiking.” You answered, starting to swim to the edge of the pool, and griping one part of it. “Did you just wake up?” There was no trace of emotion on your face, and you were doing the utmost to keep it that way.

Mingyu, on the other hand, looked angry. Hell, he was enraged. What a shitty timing his dumb best friend had, for fucks sake. He glanced at you, but your eyes were fixed on Seokmin, who didn’t seem to notice that he had just meddled with something, unmindfully getting close to you and sitting next to where you were holding, dipping his feet on the water and smiling like he hadn’t just cockblocked you. 

“Um hum. I thought they would be back by now… Why didn’t you guys go? Am I… hindering something? Were you guys…”

“No. Not at all. You’re not… hindering anything. We were just together because we woke up a bit later like you. There’s nothing… Nothing would happen between us.” You mumbled, almost forgetting all of your speech abilities while you said things mostly to convince yourself, and not Seokmin. “Never.” You guaranteed, and Seokmin laughed loudly. 

“Oh, that’s true. You’re not Mingyu’s type, right?” He bantered, looking directly at his friend and sticking his tongue out to make sure he knew he was teasing him. The huge splash of water that Seokmin received, on the other hand, was not in his plans, and didn’t seem to be a joke at all. He looked shocked at Mingyu after getting hit, but his friend didn’t seem to be remorseful. 

“Honestly, how long will you guys hold that against me, and rub it into my face?” He retorted. You were too occupied trying not to laugh at the vision of Seokmin completely soaked trying to scoop the water from his arms with one of his hands to notice the seriousness of Mingyu's voice. He was already done with himself for rejecting you in the first place, but still people kept reminding him of the poorest decision of the past two years.

“I know I should be the most infuriated by it, but I actually find it funny. You should’ve known better before rejecting me, Kim Mingyu, you set yourself up for that one…” Deciding to join Seokmin was easier than trying to use your brain to do the math and figure out what Mingyu was going on about, so you just did it, seeing the man next to you smiling slyly and blinking your way. 

“Right? I mean look at you! Any man would be lucky to have you, and yet he called you uptight. Can you believe that?” He said it in the most boastful way he could, and Mingyu almost growled at him. 

“You called her uptight first!” Mingyu hollered and you just looked at Seokmin with the most heartbroken expression you could make yourself fake. He started trying to justify himself to you, but you just giggled, letting go of the pool edge and letting your body upthrust itself while you lay down into the water with your head looking up. 

“Oh look, that cloud looks like a cat!” You changed the subject abruptly, making them a bit confused at first. Mingyu tried floating in the pool like you just had, and Seokmin layed on the ground, never taking his feet off of the water. And just like that you lightened the mood, while the three of you kept pointing figures in the sky until the rest of everyone arrived back home. 

chapter ten - sour grapes

The day went by swiftly. After everyone else arrived from hiking, they all went straight to the pool, making Seungcheol almost lose his voice by screaming that they should at least hit the pool shower first and clean the sweat up a bit. Your hands got wrinkly sooner than everyone else's, and that made you leave the pool first, finding Mingyu still in his swimming trunks, cooking lunch like oil wouldn’t burn his naked torso if it hit him the wrong way. 

Deciding to leave the kitchen and find your friends was hard - you definitely could spend ages just watching Mingyu being domestic like that… and shirtless -, but watching Rae missing every single cue Jessica would give her to flirt was way harder. You and Seungkwan were almost permanently binding your eyes on the back of their orbs from all the eye-rolling you kept doing. 

Raena was a phenomenal flirt. If there was a cure to heterossexuality, Rae was it, as she had countless times made girls question their sexuality just by making a friendly comment in a deeper tone than usual. That was, of course, when she wasn’t truly interested. She’d lose all her social skills on the sight of someone who’d make her heart flutter, and from the looks of it, Rae’s heart was about to bounce out of her chest because of Jessica. 

It was nice spending time with them. Rae and Seungkwan. You’d also noticed how close Vernon and Seungkwan were on that trip. Vernon seemed to be very lonely most of the time, or independent, however you’d like to call it, but Seungkwan matched him perfectly in every way. It was like Seungkwan was always bringing Vernon’s best side out, and in exchange you could see how devoted Vernon was to him. It was a beautiful friendship, and you almost felt jealous about it. 

“The Singing Boo. The one where I sing so many ballads they stop meaning anything to you but you still have to clap” arrived in no time. Seungkwan had really thought about every single thing, and you happily complied with all the activities - with the exception of the hike, of course - and the karaoke night wouldn’t be an exception. 

Karaoke night was fun. You came to learn that Seungkwan was not the only good singer amongst all the people surrounding you, and you were almost sure you saw Robin cry when he and Seokmin decided to sing a duo. Regardless of all the fun you were having, when Raena started typing Can’t Help Falling in Love by Elvis Presley on the machine, you knew it was time for you to leave. Things were about to be ugly. 

Seungkwan was somewhere with Vernon, and most of the people had already left the area declaring it was too late. Two bottles of vodka were emptied on the counter and Rae was holding the microphone in such a familiar drunken-state way that you felt chills all over your body. That would be bad. Like really bad. You looked around, seeing that Jessica was nowhere to be found and a sigh of relief left your mouth. 

“What’s up?” Seungcheol whispered, probably louder than he intended because of his inebriated state. You bit your lower lip, being unable to think straight yourself, so you just decided to act on your instincts. 

“We should get the fuck out of here. Things are about to be ugly…” You said, tilting your head slightly towards Rae’s direction. Seungcheol watched as she kept trying to write Presley while missing so many letters that the machine wouldn’t recognize the name. “When she’s drunk she thinks she can sing… She cannot.”

“Is it that bad?” He asked you. Your eyes were slanted, almost making a thin line, but his almond eyes were completely opened. His face didn’t deny his intoxication whatsoever, since a silly smile was almost stuck on it. It wouldn’t budge a bit, only growing larger at some of Jeonghan’s phrases and jokes, and then immediately going back to the silly gummy smile. 

“Yes. We must run when there’s still time. She just typed the ‘Pre’ of Presley, we will be doomed in no time.” He giggled because of your phrase and the worried look it carried with it, getting up and reaching out his hand to yours, helping you get up from the couch and starting to slowly get out. 

“Are you already leaving? I was about to start singing.” Unfortunately you weren’t as stealthy as you thought you were, being caught red handed by Rae, who made all the remaining people look your way. “Wait… Are you leaving… together?” Her tone changed and you suddenly dropped Seungcheol’s hand, waving your head from one side to the other. “Ok, I’m singing Marvin Gaye’s Let’s Get It On… can someone for fucks sake put it on for me? I can’t type in this little control with my big ass fingers.” 

“That’s not…” You tried explaining that she misunderstood the situation, but seeing her willingly telling you to get the fuck out of there while Robin was typing - way better than her - the song she’d just decided on singing, you thought it was best to leave it at that. You looked around. The only ones left there were you, Minghao, Soonyoung - who was passed out on Jeonghan’s lap -, Robin, Rae, Seungcheol and you. None of them would misunderstand the situation apart from Rae, and maybe Robin, but nothing that couldn’t be fixed, so you held Seungcheol’s hand once again and left the building without even looking behind. 

Rae’s screechy voice was loud enough for you to listen even when you left the main house, and seeing Seungcheol turn his gaze to you in complete shock made you burst into laughter. “Let’s not let her sing tomorrow. Or ever.” He declared and you nodded, saying goodbye to him and walking straight to your room. 

The following morning consisted basically of you babysitting Rae while she threw her intestines up and promised not to drink at all that day. Which, of course, wouldn’t happen, because today’s schedule for the night was “Blame It on the (Boo)ze. The one where I get you all fucked up.” As you expected, at seven o’clock sharp - the exact minute Boo Seungkwan had planned to start the Blame It On The (Boo)ze night -, your best friend was holding a red cup while Seungkwan filled it with beer. 

Games started in no time. You all sat on the ground, making what should be a small circle but ended up being a huge one because of the amount of people that were in that place. The first game that was suggested was Mafia, and the rule was that the team who loses should take a shot. Vernon volunteered to pick the roles and everybody seemed to be okay with that.

“I honestly wasn’t planning on having them both here for this… I think I set myself up with this schedule…” Seungkwan mentioned to Rae while they both watched you and Seungcheol bicker about who was the Mafia. 

“Listen, you little shit, don’t you think I would’ve covered for Joshua the last round if I was the mafia?” The way you grabbed his shirt and pulled Seungcheol closer made Seungkwan squat down, watching closely the - and he hated to admit that - most exciting mafia game he had ever participated in. It sucked that he was killed in the first rounds, but watching you play that game like your life was depending on it was great. “Much like goddamn Seokmin did… Are you dumb?” 

“I’m not dumb. I’m smart enough not to trust you, that’s it.” He lashed back and you ran your hand through your hair, pulling it back and breathing deeply. “But… I will trust you with this.” He declared, starting the voting by choosing Seokmin to be arrested.

Mingyu was, once again, livid. He was clutching onto his beer cup with so much strength that anyone could see it was empty, or at least anyone who would take their eyes off of the game that was unraveling in that seemingless small place and paid attention to the coolers where the alcohol - and Kim Mingyu - were. As soon as he was killed, Wonwoo approached to fill his cup, shifting his gaze from Mingyu to you, to Cheol and back to the tallest one. 

“Do you really think enemies to lovers is the best trope?” Mingyu’s eyes didn’t flinch for a second, and Wonwoo almost didn’t realize that his friend was actually talking to him, and not to anyone else. Wonwoo filled his cup slowly, waiting for Kim Mingyu to run out of patience, just because it was always a bit fun teasing him. “Wonwoo. Do you think enemies to lovers is the best fanfiction trope?”

“Book. Book trope.” Wonwoo corrected him, as if Mingyu hadn’t seen him giggling like a fifteen year old at his iPad many nights during what they used to call “boys night” - which was basically an excuse for Wonwoo to play video games at Mingyu’s house without his parents nagging about it. His eyes finally left you and Seungcheol, meeting Wonwoo’s, and the older one just shrugged. “I mean, it’s one of the best ones. I’d say enemies to lovers and friends to lovers are top notch. Book tropes.” He repeated himself, and saw Mingyu dismiss his last comment with a silly smile on his face. 

“Friends to lovers, huh?” Mingyu sneered, letting a smirk appear on his face. Wonwoo finished pouring his beer and saw Mingyu hanging his cup in front of him, asking with a light expression for Wonwoo to fill his too. That was the reason Mingyu got up in the first place, anyway, he was just too consumed by the game to do anything other than observe everyone playing. Everyone.

“You lost that one, buddy. Robin told me that she and Seungcheol left the main house together yesterday while Rae sang - terribly - Let’s Get It On… Maybe next time?” Wonwoo smiled faintly when he saw Mingyu’s expression turn into complete despair. It was only for a split second, though, and suddenly Mingyu smiled sheepishly again. 

“Lost what? I don’t know what you are talking about. It was just a small interest, but I won’t suffer because of it. I hope they are happy. Hope they date eventually. Oh, can you imagine? Those two together? Like… Can you? Seriously Wonwoo, can you? I can. I can imagine them dating. Oh, I hope they date. I hope they’ll invite me to the wedding.” Mingyu started babbling, slurring every single word that came out of his mouth, making Wonwoo hold a small laughter that was trying hard to come out of his mouth. 

He was fine, though. Mingyu was fine. It was just a small crush, and since you were such a pretty girl, he’d be happy to see you with his friend. Good for him. Good for Cheol. “Good for him.” The words came out faster than his filter acted, and Wonwoo finally let the giggle escape. Mingyu kept repeating the words “it was just a crush” to himself, as he chugged down the entire cup Wonwoo had just poured for him.  

When the cup was empty, he allowed himself to check up on the game once again, and Wonwoo watched amusingly his friend crush the red cup completely as he saw Seungcheol hold you tightly, raising you in celebration for your win. It’s. Just. A. Crush. 

“Hey, the game's over. What are you guys talking about?” Robin asked, still sitting in the pseudo-circle that was half empty now that many people were scattered around the room intending to fill their cups before the next game. Wonwoo pulled Mingyu, sitting next to her. 

“Our favorite book tropes.” He declared loudly. “Yours is ‘enemies to lovers’ as well, right, Robin?” She nodded and Wonwoo smiled innocently. “How about yours, guys?” He threw the question to the other side of the circle, where you, Seungcheol, Seungkwan, Rae and Vernon were sitting.

“There was only one bed!” Rae cheered and you clapped your hands agreeing with her. That didn’t make Wonwoo let you off the hook just yet, and he turned to you right after that. “How about you?”

“Hm…Book? Enemies to Lovers is nice...” You answered and Mingyu seemed to be getting more annoyed by the minute. “But fanfiction is definitely Friends to Lovers. I mean, in real life I like friends to lovers better, so when it’s a book I’m OK with enemies to lovers, but when I try to bring it to the real world it just…” Trying to explain your train of thought was harder than you expected it to be, but Wonwoo’s eyes were glowing as he nodded, making you feel seen and heard. 

“I hate Friends to Lovers.” Seungkwan uttered, chugging his beer down. “It’s dumb to ruin years of friendship because of feelings that can eventually pass. I wouldn’t go there. It’s dumb.” You and Rae shared a look, feeling a small tension appear with his answer. “There was only one bed is the best, though. The only correct answer, I’d say” He finished, and the tension vanished in an instant. 

Vernon stood up without giving a proper answer, saying that he was already tired and, like many other days, he’d leave first by himself. The night continued on, and the drunker you all got, the funnier all the games started to become, and the less you all wanted to get out of that room.

chapter eleven - testing waters

Looking around the room, you decided that it was the best time to ditch on movie night. Block(boo)ster. The one where you can’t sleep afterwards seemed very exciting at first. Seungkwan told you that it would be a horror film marathon, and you were expecting to see the most recent releases that you missed due to working. Disappointment kicked in when you saw that the movie was Insidious.

Not that it wasn’t a good movie - that was not the case, you actually liked it very much on your first time seeing it -, but you never had the patience to watch any movie more than once. Knowing how it ended just always made it seem boring to you, and you thought you could use your time doing something better than watching the same movie twice. That was why you silently left the room in the first ten minutes of it, hoping that Seungkwan would be too scared to notice your absence when the marathon finally ended.

Part of you wanted to stay because you saw Jessica asking Soonyoung to change places with her, sitting right next to your best friend - and most clingy person watching horror films-, Raena, but thinking about sitting in front of that low screen for two hours watching a family being tormented by the ugliest demon you’d ever seen made you give up on that idea. Minghao had just screamed in an - successful - attempt of scaring Seokmin, and you took that opportunity to get out of there unnoticed. 

It was a chill and cloudless night, the sky looked beautiful and the moon was shining so bright that its reflection could be seen perfectly in the lake. You wondered if you were still able to capture such a beautiful image through any lenses, since it had been so long since you’ve taken pictures of anything other than a pile of papers to send Rae and tell her you were “too busy”.

The moon was almost full, yet not completely, but its reflection seemed to be whole. There was some similarity between the two of you, you couldn’t help but notice, or maybe you just had too much free time on your hands now and could let such silly thoughts cross your mind. On your way to your room, you thought about how you could capture exactly how you felt with the picture you decided on taking. 

To anyone who wasn’t close enough, you did seem to be fulfilled. Just like the turbid waters of the lake masked the missing piece of what soon would become a full moon, the idealization of your parents and their expectations over you clouded completing that missing strip that actually made you shine completely. 

This is dumb. The rational part of you kept nagging, but that didn’t stop you to turn on your phone - the only camera you had available at the moment - and run to your porch, trying to capture your feelings and make them somewhat palpable. 

“Nice picture.” Mingyu’s voice startled you. You were so exhilarated and consumed by the feeling of finding a spot worth taking a picture that you didn’t notice his presence on the balcony next to yours. To be fair, he was sitting down, so it wasn’t an easy task to spot him right away. He, on the other hand, could perfectly see you deleting all the notifications of your phone and opening the camera app, skilfully climbing up the rail and finding the best angle for the shot. 

“Motherfucker.” You cursed, almost dropping your phone, and then you simply glared at Mingyu, who had an indistinguishable expression. “You scared the shit out of me.” While climbing down, you explained, and then went to the far end of your balcony, eyeing inside of his and trying to see what he was up to. 

There was tons of eraser dust all over his porch, and he was holding a pencil with an odd grip. It was between his thumb and his index finger, and he held it underhand. A paper was laying in front of him, with a bunch of lines that - from that distance - you couldn’t tell exactly what they were meant to be. At last, you saw two Bacardi bottles, which you soon realized must’ve been the two bottles missing from the kitchen. The ones that Seungkwan was desperately trying to convince himself he didn’t put on the coolers the previous night and should definitely be there.

“What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be screaming and using the movie as an excuse to hold Seungcheol’s hands?” His tone was bitter, but he looked adorable while nagging like that. You were not dumb, even though sometimes you were a bit clueless, but since the pool incident you’ve been pretty sure that Mingyu’s previous disinterest in you might’ve changed. 

You also weren’t one hundred percent confident that he was interested. Being that Seokmin told you about how Mingyu flirted as a method of communication, you couldn’t be totally sure that he wasn’t just being nice. What was left for you was to test the waters. You had no clue what the fuck he was talking about that time, but playing along had always been your strong suit. 

“I hate watching the same movie twice. How about you? Why aren’t you there?” You leaned on the rail, facing his balcony this time and not the lake, and watched him - with a small pout on his face - go back to the drawing he was making before answering your question. 

“I’m scared of horror movies. Can’t sleep for days if I watch any… So I just grabbed some alcohol and came here while you all had fun there.” The knuckles of his ring and pinky fingers were sliding gently across the paper as he drew steady lines all over the page. Mingyu was doing it in such a natural way it almost made it seem easy, but you were well aware it wasn’t. 

“How can you be so straightforward about that?” You giggled a bit, making him raise his head to look you in the eyes. He was a bit confused about your phrase, so you just continued talking. “The whole being a scaredy cat thing.”

“Ah…” He came back to his drawing once again. “Because it’s true… What would lying about it accomplish besides me being potentially placed in uncomfortable situations? There’s no point in that. Why? Does that bother you? Do you find it weird?” His lips were pursed and he was shifting his gaze from the drawing to you, turning them back to the drawing when it would meet yours. 

“Nah, I find it cute. Can I join you?” Mingyu was baffled once again by how nonchalantly you’d say things, but he just nodded, putting the notebook and his pencil down in order to open the door for you. It wasn’t necessary whatsoever, as you climbed the rail, jumping daintily and landing on his balcony. 

“Are you nuts?” He stood up quickly, rushing to catch you, but it was not necessary. Mingyu simply couldn’t believe how dauntless you could be sometimes, and that deeply made him regret calling you uptight in your first meeting. If only he hadn’t, maybe you wouldn’t be with Seungcheol now. Not that it mattered to him. It didn’t. 

“It’s not far, Gyu, I’m ok.” You tried to calm him down, and he was quick to do so since you were well and standing on his balcony. “What are you drawing?” Mingyu sat down on the floor, a bit further to the left than he was before, and, indicating his right side to you with his head, where you promptly seated. 

“Can you see how the moon seems to be a full moon when you look at its reflection, but it’s actually waxing? I was trying to draw that, but from this perspective right here.” He said the words while he showed you his drawing, pointing out every single aspect of it while he talked about them, and you couldn’t help but to let a smile appear on your face. Just like that he made you feel less stupid, even though you were absolutely sure that it was not his intention. “What��s that smile about?” 

“You’re impressive.” You said simply. “This is the most beautiful drawing I’ve ever seen.” When you glued your eyes to him after saying those very truthful words, you could see his pink-stained cheeks and his small fangs showing in a shy smile. Mingyu couldn’t help but to smile at those words. His heart was fluttering inside his chest and your glimmering eyes, shining because of his drawing, only made it worse. 

He cleared his throat when he realized he had been staring at you - who was still looking at his drawing - for way too long, dropping the first question that popped into his head: “D-do you… want to drink? I brought Bacardi with me.” 

“Sure.” You answered, giving him his notebook back and watching his big hands groping the floor looking for the booze. He opened one of the bottles dexterously, completely breaking the clumsy image you had of him in your head, but then he started scanning the place, coming to a realization. “Uh… I forgot to bring any glass…” 

You took the bottle off of his hands, purposefully brushing your hand against his when you did so in order to see his reaction, and just tipped the bottle inside your mouth, drinking what you thought was enough for that moment. Mingyu was stunned, blinking slowly as he watched you do so. 

“Who needs glasses, right?” You commented, handing him the bottle, and still with a  shocked expression he did the same as you, chugging a bit of bacardi and immediately grimacing because of the taste of the alcohol. You giggled at his expression, and took the bottle again, drinking a bit more. “Why were you so sulky today? Did anything happen?” 

Mingyu gulped at your question. Once again he felt a small annoyance inside his chest, but he just dismissed it, smiling teasingly at you. “I wasn’t sulky. I just wasn’t in a post-sex good mood like you were.” His words were meant to sting, but he was caught completely off guard by your loud giggle. 

“Dude, we all drank our asses off yesterday and passed out in the main house. We were both in the same ‘no-sex-no-fun-just-hangover’ mood.” It was his time to take the bottle out of your hands and tip it over. His mouth turned into a pout and he compressed his eyes in a sulky expression. 

“You know what I mean. I mean you and Seungcheol…” His voice was low and the pout in his lips made it seem like the words were being said by a child. Mingyu was fucking adorable. “Wonwoo told me. About the karaoke night. You don’t have to hide it…” He forced a smile, but his eyes were still compressed, making the smile look completely fake. “... I’m happy for you guys. Really. You are my friends.” 

“Ah, you mean me and Seungcheol escaping Rae’s terrible singing skills by letting her drunk self believe we were going out to hook up, when in fact we just parted ways on the door and went to our rooms because we’re not interested in each other like that? Are you talking about this?” 

Just like that, Mingyu felt happiness invading his body once again. “Fuck you, Wonwoo, ‘maybe next time’ my ass, it was this time!” His dumb ass friend understood it entirely wrong and made Mingyu worry for absolutely nothing. No. Not worry. Be happy for them. That was what Mingyu was, of course. Happy. But now he was happy for himself, so the happiness could only be bigger, right? “Oh… So you guys are not…” 

“Hell no. That man sucks at mafia games, I could never do that to myself.” Mingyu grinned widely, laughing at your joke and passing the bottle to you after sipping the bacardi himself. “You look in a good mood now, Kim Mingyu. It can’t be… Were you jealous?” You queried amusingly, and Mingyu panicked. 

“No. Of course not. Alcohol just kicked in. That’s all.” He did the same thing he always did when he wasn’t being completely honest: his words were coming out way more slurred than usual, and his lower lip was suffering from repeated small bites. Yes. That man was into you. That time you knew for sure. Regardless of that, you wouldn’t hit on him for the second time. If he actually was into you, he should at least make up for the whole “dumping you” situation by making the first move this time. 

“I’m glad not. Can you imagine if you actually were into me?” You teased him once again. Just because you weren’t actively hitting on him it didn’t mean you couldn’t have a bit of fun with the whole situation, and Kim Mingyu being completely flustered was actually pretty fun. “That would mean that I couldn’t ever get close to you like this without making your heart flutter. That would be a bummer.” You said the words while diminishing the distance between you two. His breathing was heavy, and the innocent smile you were bearing was almost making him go crazy. 

“Or whisper in your ear how hot I think you are. That would probably make you shiver, but I’m glad to know that it won’t.” Once again you acted your words out, seeing the chill you provoked emerging from the nape of his neck, and getting lost inside the shirt he was wearing. 

“But since I’m not your type at all…” Your face was inches from his, and you smiled brightly and innocently, watching him glare at you, completely speechless and almost hypnotized by your every move. “I can look this closely to your eyes without fretting even a bit.” You felt Mingyu tilting his body towards you and, not even a second later, he started closing his eyes and tracing his way to you.

“How exciting, right?” And just like that, you abruptly moved away, planning on taking the Bacardi from his hands and drinking a bit more. 

Pulling away wasn’t as easy as you imagined it would be. Mingyu’s hands instinctively grabbed your waist, trying to prevent you from going any further, but before he could even process what he had just done, your phone started ringing.

Quickly the sly smile you had on your face fell flat, turning into a frown as you read that forsaken name once again on your cell phone screen. 

Mr. Ludovich

mobile

chapter twelve - full moon full me

The power that the slight mention of that name had over you should be studied, because just reading it on your phone screen already made your good mood completely ruined, and you hadn’t even realized that you were not working for him anymore. You sighed, thinking how could that man always disturb you when you were having fun, but then it hit you: you quit. 

No matter how instinctive it was for you to simply take the call and have your night ruined, you didn’t need to do that anymore. While analyzing your face, Mingyu could almost see the engines of your brain turning as you blank stared at your phone, which kept ringing non stop. 

“Aren’t you gonna get that?” He asked. You both were still pretty close, since his hands kept you from pulling away any further, but he started loosening his grip, keeping them away from your body, but not far from it. 

“Not picking this up would be stupid…” Your gaze was locked on the screen. The call ended, but no more than three seconds later your phone lit up again, with that same enerving name popping up instantly. Mingyu wasn’t sure how to proceed, you didn’t seem to want to pick that up, but something was keeping you from simply declining it. 

“You told me a few days ago that just because something is stupid, doesn’t mean it’s wrong. Is this one just stupid or also wrong?” He inquired and you started processing again, rationalizing it. 

What reasons could there be for this asshole to call you on a Friday night at eight o’clock? He could be drunk, that had happened once, but if that was the case it wouldn’t be neither stupid nor wrong to deny his call. He could have regretted his words, and was now calling to beg for you to come back. If that was the case, not picking up would be stupid, since you’d be missing an opportunity to have your job back, but it wasn’t wrong. 

“Stupid is usually more fun…” The words left your mouth unintended, but Mingyu nodded. You raised your index finger, hovering it over the decline button, but once again the phone stopped ringing before you could make the decision to decline the call by yourself. A bitter taste of disappointment started to flourish in your mouth, but it didn’t take long, since a few seconds later your phone started ringing again. 

An excited smile showed up on your face, and Mingyu kept watching you, intrigued by what on earth that was about. You sank your finger on the screen of your phone, pressing the red button as hard as you could, and then you finally glanced a Mingyu, smiling so brightly that it made him think that, even though it was stupid - he wasn’t even sure about that part -, it couldn’t possibly be wrong, seeing you smile like that. “Should we open the other bottle?” 

‘Y-yeah. Sure.” He stuttered a bit, but his hands went to the still closed bottle of bacardi and he opened it once again very skillfully, drinking a bit and then tossing it your way with a small wink. “Who was that?” Mingyu asked, noticing that the alcohol had started kicking in. His filter was already a bit broken while not under the influence, but when he started getting drunk it simply vanished, and every thought was rapidly verbalized. 

“My boss.” You answered, and watching Mingyu’s slanted eyes almost turning into balls with how much he had opened them in shock, you nodded, explaining it: “Not boss. Not anymore. My Ex-Boss.”

"XBox?" He asked, fully aware of what you had just said, but hoping that with that silly joke he could’ve got a glimpse of your smile once again. You looked at him dead serious, but seeing him childishly smiling, biting his lower lip completely and covering it with his sharp teeth, you couldn’t help but to giggle. Mingyu realized that that had got to be Mingyu’s favorite sound in the entire world, and he would make any effort necessary to listen to it as much as he could, even though it meant making a fool out of himself constantly. Your eyes were already small because you were also a bit inebriated, and that laugh made you close them completely.

“Stop making me laugh. I can’t see when I’m laughing.” You whined and it was Mingyu’s turn to burst into laughter. His hand went straight to your glasses, and he softly took them off your face, repeating the same movement to take off his own glasses. 

“There. Now neither of us can see. We’re even.” He had a presumptuous smile on his face, and you simply laughed again. Murmuring something amongst the lines of “you’re so stupid” before drinking a bit more and handing the bottle back to Kim Mingyu. 

“Can I ask you something?” After a few minutes in silence, you decided to speak up once more, calling Mingyu’s attention almost instantly. He nodded and you mimicked his movements. “Why did you want to draw that?” Your hand pointed to the notebook that had been tossed to the side since you both started drinking. Mingyu looked at it, squinting a bit to check the drawing and turning his eyes back to you.

“How can I put this…” He adjusted his posture, tilting his body slightly so that he could face you directly. “I don’t usually draw that. Landscapes and stuff like that. My drawings are usually more abstract.” You nodded, indicating that you were understanding what he was saying. “But it’s also the way I can express myself, and… I swear this is not drunk talk.” He warned and you giggled.

“Yes, yes… Go on. I’m not thinking that it is the booze who’s talking… Go on. It’s nice watching you talk about this, your eyes glisten.” You insisted for him to continue, and so he did. Sliding a little bit closer to you as he would say the next few words. 

“I kinda saw myself in that situation. The moon not being full and the lake making it seem like it was, that situation. Not now me, though. Now me is full… of alcohol, but full.” You smiled at him. It was comforting to know that you hadn’t been the only one to think that. Maybe you weren’t as lonely as you thought after all. “Are you… full?” 

“Of alcohol, yes.” You answered amusingly and he giggled. It was cute seeing him laugh at - in a sense - his own lame joke. “What made you feel like you weren’t?” 

“Let’s just say that I could never tell the difference between just stupid and plain wrong by myself, and that caused me to… Do some very wrong things before I actually found what I liked.” He was quick to confess and you nodded. 

“Well, if you ever have that doubt again you can just… knock on my door. Ok?” You didn’t notice, but you also moved a bit closer to him during the conversation. Mingyu raised his pinky finger, holding it in front of you with a sweet smile on his face. 

“I’ll knock on yours if you knock on mine.” He said simply, and you agreed, raising your own finger and intertwining it with his. Mingyu smiled brightly, letting both of your hands fall without him ever letting go of your finger. “Can I ask you something?” Your head moved up and down, agreeingly, and he pointed with his free hand to your collarbone. “What’s up with the snake tattoos? I saw you have at least two.”

“Oh, so you were staring at my legs? Is that it?” His ears started getting red, along with his red-tinted cheeks, and you let a giggle escape. “Seriously, you shouldn’t let making you get flustered be that fun, Kim Mingyu. I keep wanting to mess with you every single time.” His gaze shifted completely, and a seemingly dangerous smirk appeared on his face, so you just decided to do what you were best at: not engage and stand your position while playing dumb. Answering his question was easy: 

“I like snakes. You know how there is always that weird kid that is way too much into dinosaurs, or… or astronomy, or maybe…” 

“Tigers.” He blurted, watching you look confused to him as soon as he said it. “Soonyoung. Soonyoung is obsessed with tigers. His dance studio name is Hoshi, “Eyes of the Tiger’”. 

“Yes, kind of like that. I was like that with snakes. My cousin had a pet snake and I got so obsessed over it I memorized different species. When Rae asked me if she could tattoo a snake on me I got so excited I almost cried.” Alcohol made you awfully truthful, maybe a bit of an oversharer, but Mingyu didn’t seem to be bothered with all your jabbering. 

“What’s your favorite snake, then?” His hand made its way to your collarbone, softly sliding his fingers bypassing the tattoo. You tilted your head slightly to the right, welcoming his gentle touch, and thinking a bit before answering his question. 

“I think Epicrates cenchria. Their skin is iridescent, like…Their scales have some different ridges that end up refracting light and creating this beautiful pattern. They’re called Rainbow Boas because of it.” 

“What a nerd.” He joked, receiving a nice friendly punch on his arm and a middle finger raised in his direction. “I’m joking, it’s cute watching you talk like that, especially because I can tell you’re drunk just by the way you pronounced iridescent just now.” You stuck your tongue out, making him laugh once again, and you followed him in no time, giggling alongside. 

You both kept talking about the smallest and silliest things your drunken brains would come up with, and it all felt so comfortable that it was only when the first rays of sun started emerging in the horizon that you noticed how long you’d been there. 

“Fuck. What’s the morning schedule?” You blurted as soon as you realized how late it was, and Mingyu ran inside his room, getting the sheet of paper and giving it to you. After putting your glasses on, you started scanning the page, feeling a huge relief when you saw that - because of the Happy BooDay. The one where we celebrate my life. - the morning was marked as “sleep tight cause we’ll be up all night” on the schedule. You gave the good news to Mingyu, getting up and climbing the rail once again to go back to your own balcony. 

“You can just… use the door, you know?” He commented and you just shimmid your head from one side to the other. 

“No. It’s already daytime, someone could see me leaving your room and misunderstand something. I figured that happens often here.” You gave him a sassy look and he pressed both of his lips against each other, closing his eyes lightly. Before you got inside your room, he called your name. He was still standing in the same position, but his expression almost caused chills all over your body. With a sheepish smile he uttered words that for sure would keep you awake for a little longer:

“If you want, you can use the door next time.”

chapter thirteen - secret mission

“Close the door behind you!” Seungkwan whispered as soon as you walked into his room, finding him, Seungcheol and Minghao all sitting in a semicircle on top of his king sized bed. You squinted, still unsure what that was about. Seungkwan had knocked on your door a few minutes prior, calling an emergency meeting, and telling you to go by yourself to his bedroom. To your surprise, Rae wasn’t there, nor was Vernon, and it all seemed a bit odd. 

As soon as you sat down next to Minghao, someone knocked on the door again. Robin slid her tiny figure inside the room while Seungkwan whispered once again to shut the door, and indicated his bed for her to sit on, almost like he was a robot or an NPC, giving the same instructions over and over again. 

“What’s this about?” You asked Minghao. Your head was hurting a bit, but your hangover wasn’t even half as bad as what you thought it would be, so you couldn’t help but to feel a little victorious. The black-haired man looked at you, seeming as clueless as you were, and just shrugged a bit before talking. His glasses were so low on his nose you couldn’t help but to ask yourself if he actually used them to see or was just a stylish choice, and his mullet was a bit messy, but still looked good enough to be on the cover of any magazine.

“I have no fucking clue, he just knocked on my door and told me to come.” Seungcheol nodded, showing that he was paying attention to the conversation and also had no idea what on earth he was doing in Seungkwan’s room at that moment. When Robin finally sat down, the blond man turned his room key, locking the door, and then returned to his spot. 

“Ok. So I gathered you all here today with a mission.” He started talking and you couldn’t help but to giggle a bit. You loved him so fucking much that you were sure you’d do whatever nonsense this was about. Hell, you’d do anything Seungkwan asked of you in a heartbeat, he was too adorable for you to deny him of anything. “Keeping Raena away from the microphone.” 

“Oh god, I’m in.” Minghao declared, not needing more words than that to agree with this “mission”. He was in physical pain listening to her singing, completely drunk, to Marvin Gaye’s song on karaoke night, and if he had to stand that torture again, he wasn’t sure if he’d be alive afterwards. The problem wasn’t that she was a bad singer, no one is obligated to keep a tune, but her drunk self was absolutely sure she was the next Beyonce, and that ended up making it unbearable to watch. 

“Why? I liked her singing last time.” Robin commented, and every single person on that circle looked at her completely baffled. 

“Oh, shut up, you probably were too drunk to notice.” Seungkwan nagged and you and Cheol laughed at his angry tone. He was pouting a bit and his eyebrows were puckered, and, with just that as an indicator, you knew he was one hundred percent serious. “Anyway, today is my birthday party and I’d like to spend a lot of time with my friends, and that won’t be possible if Rae kicks everyone out with her lack of skill.” 

“Jessica should be in this meeting…” You commented, and Seungkwan opened his mouth wide, as if he had just realized he’d forgotten the most important thing he had to do. “I don’t think I’m able to stop drunk Raena, last time I tried, she cried, and then I cried along… Suddenly we ended up singing this trashy song about friendship.” 

Seungkwan trembled with the memory, remembering exactly what day that was. “Yes. Yes. I will… No. Seungcheol will talk to Jessica.” He declared. Making Cheol pout and furrow his eyebrows in response. 

“Why me?” The oldest person in that room whined like a child and you just felt glad that Seungkwan hadn’t delegated that task to you, since Raena would probably take it as a treason if she ever found out and, knowing her like you did, she would - eventually - find out this masterplan. 

“Because I have shit to do. And you’re the closest to Jessica amongst us all.” He rationalized and Seungcheol couldn’t help but to agree. He was right, after all. You all promised Seungkwan that you’d try your best to keep Rae away from the microphone after her third dose of liquor, and he soon dismissed you, telling you that it was time to get ready for the party. 

Shortly you were all meeting each other again at the lounge of the pier, which was filled with party decorations, a bunch of food spreaded around, alcohol on basically every single table and a happy Seungkwan, smiling brightly at what he had accomplished. He didn’t let any of you help with the decorations, insisting that “it should be a surprise”, so you didn’t expect it to be this well put together. It was foolish of you, anyway, Seungkwan had never done anything half-heartedly. 

Party started in no time, and to the sound of Seungkwan’s party playlist you all started dancing, drinking and having fun. Next thing you know, you were with your arms wrapped around your best friend at midnight, wishing him a happy birthday and trying to pull him to the side to give him his gift. You were a bit drunk, but not as much as he was, and you loved to see his silly smile and scrunched red-tinted nose. 

“Ok, this is just… a little thing. I bought it in town. Your real gift is at home, ok? I was gonna give it to you when you came back.” You kept handing him over the little package you had in your hands, but pulling it back while warning him about that. Seungkwan was about to run out of patience, so he just spreaded his hand, demanding you to give it to him already. 

“I know I’ll like it anyway. Don’t worry about it and just give it to me, please.” He was pouty, and as soon as the package was delivered into his hands, he kissed you on the cheek, grinning brightly and starting to open the gift.

Inside the package, he found a hand-made bead bracelet, with white and transparent beads shaping the circle, and being closed by a small tangerine ornament that was delicate and yet beautiful - at least to Seungkwan at that moment. “Hm… So, since I always feel home when I’m with you, I made this for you to always remember your home when you think of me too.” You said timidly.

You felt something wet on your shirt when he pulled you in for a hug, and as soon as he sniffled you knew he was crying. His grip was tight around you and between some sniffles and sights you heard him say a few words that almost made you tear up alongside. “Thank you for coming this time, it would be so empty without you.” 

How could you ever consider not going? What the fuck was going through your mind for being such a terrible friend, for staying away for so long, for changing so drastically thinking that it wouldn’t impact the people around you just as much as it did to you? The fact that you wouldn’t be there if it wasn’t for Seungkwan shaking you into reality once again didn’t have to be mentioned. As soon as you looked into his eyes he shook his head, and you could almost hear his intentions in your head: I know I helped. But you chose to quit yourself. 

Being an adult could be very lonely most of the time. You constantly regretted so many things you’ve done, but yet the burden of the consequences were always something you had to carry by yourself. Oddly, Seungkwan never let you feel like you were alone, it always seemed like he was carrying that weight with you, but if you looked closely he wasn’t. Just like your father used to guarantee you that he was holding tight onto the saddle of your bike when you were first learning to ride it, Seungkwan would always make you feel safe enough to defy yourself, learn and do new things. If you paid close attention, he was just running beside you, ready to sustain you if you ever needed him to, but letting you have the glory of conquest by yourself. 

Before you could say anything else, some cold hands took Seungkwan off of your arms, holding him while he screamed a happy birthday. Seokmin was drunk as fuck, and you were sure of it when he saw Seungkwan’s tears marks and started crying himself. You decided it was time for you to step away, since Joshua had told you earlier that Seokmin could be a very clingy drunk, and you didn’t want to be dragged into a group hug just yet. 

Soon there was a crowd of people around your best friend, and you were quick to see Raena slowly walking towards the karaoke machine while everyone was too busy to stop her. You’d seen during the night Minghao talking - way too much for it to be normal - to Rae about tattoos. Seungcheol also approached her eventually when she was on her way to “declare her love to Seungkwan” on a mic, and Jessica kept her very busy the entire night, but that didn’t seem to bother her at all.

“Aren’t you gonna wish him a happy birthday? It’s midnight! It’s already the 16th.” She was definitely caught off guard, jumping a little bit when you uttered the first words and almost dropping the microphone she was trying hard to turn on. She soon opened a furtive smile, squinting her eyes and showing the microphone that she was holding with so much strength that the tip of her fingers were white.

“I am. Now help me put the song for me to sing. That one…” She was gesticulating at every single word she’d say, and you - in your slightly-less-but-not-that-much drunken state - started to follow the microphone with your own hands, expecting to take it from hers. “It’s like ‘happy birth… day… to… you.” She started singing the words in a very slow and slurred way, with her eyes closed, and her hands swaying on top of her head, and you giggled at the scene. 

“Ok. Before you do that, I’ll tell you a secret.” You told her, waving your hand asking her to get closer to you and, after a bit of a stumble, she did, placing her right arm over your shoulder and lowering her body to listen to you. “Seungkwan told me he really wanted you to wish him a happy birthday with just the two of you. For intimacy purposes.” Even though you were drunk, you didn’t usually stammer or look as drunk as you were, so to Rae, who was already absolutely busted, your words seemed extremely reliable. 

“Damn. That man wants e-ve-ry-thingy his way. Lucky him that today’s his birthday.” She was once again with her eyes a bit closed, and she would speak the words as if connecting them was the hardest thing she had to do that day. “Here, hold the mic, I’ll be right back.” And just like that she handed you the microphone, holding Seungkwan by his collar and pulling him out of the lounge in a very clumsy manner. 

You scanned the place looking for someone who you could trust with the mic, but the only thing you saw was Mingyu walking towards you. He was wearing a black shirt under a gray-ish jacket. One of the corners of his mouth lifted when he locked eyes with you, and he started walking a bit faster, getting to you in no time. This was the first time you’d properly talk to him during the party; for the first part of it you were too busy keeping Raena away from the drinks, then you were keeping drunk Raena away from the karaoke, and Mingyu also seemed to be pretty busy playing silly games with Seokmin. 

“No glasses today?” He approached you, and you simply denied with your head, just throwing the microphone anywhere and turning your attention back to him. “You look pretty without glasses.”

“I wouldn’t know. I can’t fucking see myself in the mirror without them.” Mingyu giggled, stopping in front of you and smiling brightly, so much you could actually distinguish his pointy teeth even without your glasses. “My makeup is fire, though. I took a picture to see it before leaving the glasses in the bedroom.” You bragged. 

“Is it? I can’t see it that well, I should…” Mingyu’s hand went to your hair, pulling a small strand of it that was falling on your eyes and plucking it behind your ear, using your makeup as an excuse to approach a little more. His face was inches from yours, and you could finally see it clearly. You didn’t dare to close your eyes, but he seemed intrigued by the eyeliner wings that could be seen. 

“Oh, you have a mole right here too. I hadn’t seen it before.” You said nonchalantly, holding his face with both of your hands and having it as close to yours as possible before your lips actually touched. His eyes were dark when you changed your gaze to it, but you simply opened a cheeky smile, touching the point of his nose - as to mark where the mole was - and abruptly pulling away. 

Once again that task wasn’t as easy as you’d anticipated, and Mingyu’s hands were quick to find your waist once again, almost as if they were magnetically connected to them somehow. “Wanna dance?” He inquired and you just nodded, finally noticing that Seungkwan had returned to the lounge and was currently swinging Vernon from one side to the other in the impropted dance floor. 

Mingyu held your hand, pulling you to the center of the lounge, and when he was satisfied with your position, he took it straight to his neck, surrounding you with his own arms. The song wasn’t exactly slow, but it was definitely slower than all the other songs that had been played that night. You started swinging from one side to the other, making a gentle movement on Mingyu’s neck and quickly noticing the small shiver you’ve caused with that small gesture. He smiled at you, pulling you a bit closer and closing his grip a bit more so that neither of you could leave that position.

“Did you survive today? I had a terrible hangover… light was my worst enemy.” Mingyu started small talk, but none of his other movements seemed to be any less than calculated. The way he’d press his fingertips each time deeper onto your covered skin, the way he got closer to your neck than to your ear to whisper those words, the sassy smile he was holding when he moved his head back again… His words were friendly, but his actions were far from it, and you enjoyed every bit of it. 

“Oh, I wouldn’t take you as a weak one, Kim Mingyu.” Your voice was provocative, and you saw him biting his lower lip while he raised his head a bit, looking you from higher than you were used to. He spread his hand on the back part of your waist, using it to pull you even closer to him, making the distance between your bodies vanish completely. 

Once more he lowered his body, placing one of his hands on your neck and using his thumb to tilt your head upwards. He whispered the words, and if you weren’t as close to him as you were, you probably wouldn’t hear them, but you did, and they made a small fire lit up inside of you. “Want me to change your mind?” 

It was your turn to bite your lips, still fully unable to process everything as quickly as you would if you were sober, but you soon opened a cheeky smile, “You can try…” You could almost see fire in his eyes, but you weren’t sure if that just wasn’t the reflection of your own, because judging by the way you felt, it might just well have been. An innocent smile took place on his face, but his eyes contrasted completely with them. He loosened his grip, but it didn’t make you pull any further, and that seemed to please him more than you would’ve thought. 

It’s happening. This shit is finally happening. Mingyu’s intoxicated brain couldn’t think of anything else. His heart was pounding on his chest, but there was no doubt that the two of you wanted that. To his surprise, a dark slender hand appeared between the two of you, covering your mouth and pulling you a bit away from him. “You said you wouldn’t kiss him. Be strong my friend.” 

And suddenly his mind could formulate another thought: I will fucking kill drunk Raena.

chapter fourteen - two truths and a lie 

If cockblocking was a sport Raena would definitely take the first place on this trip, and that says a lot about the situation since Lee Seokmin was also on that said trip. Your eyes were open wide while she kept pulling you away from Mingyu without ever taking her hand off of your mouth, and you did the most mature thing you could think of at the moment: you stuck your tongue out and hoped she got disturbed by you licking her hand.

“Ew. Mouth sweat…” She complained, shaking her hand in an attempt to get rid of the saliva. Mingyu was static, feeling that if he moved he would either kiss you right there or scream like a child whose toy just got taken from him. Fearing the latter, he kept quiet, silently watching and deep down praying you would kick Raena’s ass for interrupting the two of you like that. 

“What the fuck, Rae?!” You barked, and she rapidly turned her head to you. Not her gaze, though, since her eyes were so low she had to lift her head a bit to actually be able to look you in the eyes, and then she just repeated herself, pointing at Mingyu with her recently licked hand. 

“You…” Her palm spreaded on your chest with a bit more strength than she probably intended, but that didn’t bother you at all. “.. said you wouldn’t kiss this man.” And there it was, her index finger pointed directly to Mingyu’s chin, which apparently was the higher she could point at that moment. “Be strong… my friend.” She concluded, shaking you a bit with the hand that was still on you and smiling innocently afterwards. 

“We were not-” You started arguing, but the finger she had just pointed to Mingyu went straight to your mouth, and you were still able to feel it a bit wet from your saliva. If it had been anyone else’s “mouth juices”, any second of it would be too much for you to bear, but since it was yours, you were able to prevent yourself from kicking her ass.

“Don’t lie to me, my little Mrs. Darcy, I…” Her finger went to her chest, and she tumbled a bit, but Mingyu was able to hold her and keep her up and ready to jabber some more nonsense. “... am an empath.” Your eyes went to Mingyu immediately, finding him looking at you as well. His lips turned into a line and he closed his eyes, looking to the other side, as he held a laugh the best he could. You simply bit your tongue, nodding and pretending that she was being reasonable. 

“I can feel the sexual tension here. It’s… palpable. Check this out.” She made a move that would put her in between the two of you, stumbling a bit before acting like she couldn’t go through anymore. “See? The tension!” 

“But why can’t we-'' Mingyu wasn’t even thinking about hiding his intentions anymore, for him it was crystal clear that you reciprocated his feelings and, because of that, he could just tell Rae off and finally do what he had been craving to do for the past week. You, on the other hand, weren't thinking the same. 

“There’s no sexual tension. Mingyu and I are friends. I’m not his type, remember?” Trying to reason with a drunk person was never a good idea, and seeing Rae swing her head from one side to the other made you realize your attempt was unsuccessful. Unfortunately, Rae wasn’t the only drunk amongst the three of you, and your intoxicated brain was yelling at you that you should keep your pride and not admit to wanting to kiss Mingyu after saying you wouldn’t so many times. 

“Whatever you want to believe, Miss Ariel and Prince Eric in that canoe while the crab was singing. Just keep it inside your pants today, ok?” She shushed you and Mingyu, who had just opened his mouth to protest. “Kwanie said he wanted to spend the entire night with his friends. Look how fucking cute I am… and I haven’t made a move on Jessica at all for Kwanies sake. Be good friends and do that too, will you?” 

You looked at Mingyu once again, and Rae’s eyes followed your gaze. She turned his attention to him completely, shifting her weight from one leg to the other and smiling like a salesperson would before offering you the most hideous outfit ever. “Ok. She says she won’t hook up with you and this bitch is prideful as fuck, but I can’t trust you… What do you say, Kim Mingi?”

 He sighed before opening his mouth once again, not being cut before finishing his phrase this time: “Yes, I won’t make any moves on her tonight, Raena.” He declared in a monotone, and your best friend clapped happily, entangling her arms in yours and Mingyu’s and pulling the two of you closer to where Seungkwan was still dancing with Vernon. 

“GROUP HUG!” She yelled and you felt your eyes rolling back. Fuck, you felt it coming, but you thought Seokmin would be the one to do it, not fucking Raena. She squished you inside a hug, caughting Vernon and Seungkwan by surprise, especially when Seokmin appeared out of thin air and smashed them all together. Soonyoung got there almost as quickly as the other man had, and brought Jihoon with him. Next thing you knew, the only people outside of that ridiculous hug was Minghao and Wonwoo, who looked terrified at the mash of people swinging together in the middle of the lounge. 

It felt nice. It felt so nice you hated it. You were more of an introverted yourself, and you could never fully understand how Seungkwan had so many friends, but you had to admit that standing there, surrounded by smiley drunk people that loved each other to death felt great. Your eyes crinkled at the corners, vanishing as soon as you let the stubborn smile that was trying to emerge finally take form on your lips, and when you looked to your side you saw Mingyu looking at you, with a smile flickering across his face. 

“You loved it. Admit it. I saw you smiling.” Seungkwan teased you when the group hug dispersed itself and everyone scattered on the lounge to either drink, eat or dance. You were sitting on a table with Raena, Jessica, Seungkwan, Mingyu and Seokmin, while Vernon was carefully picking out food to take to you after he lost the rock, paper and scissors. 

“I was smiling just as much as you.” You hissed, but you saw Seungkwan pout and lifted his shoulders a bit, smiling at Vernon when he placed the food right in front of the birthday boy and sat next to him. 

“I loved it. Point proved." He said before throwing some snacks inside his mouth. Everyone seemed to be sobering up, and most of the people had traded the alcohol for water in order to be alive and be able to participate in the following day’s activities. Seokmin seemed to be a bit bored, his face was propped up onto his hands and he was looking nowhere in particular. 

“Why don’t we play a game?” Seokmin proposed, and most of you dangled your heads from one side to the other, denying anything that could make you drink another bit of alcohol. “Losers drink water, come on…” He started poking Seungkwan’s arm, trying to convince him because he knew damn well that all the others would do whatever Seungkwan asked of them that day. 

“Ok. Ok. Let’s play a game.” Seungkwan complied and Seokmin beamed at it, finally straightening his posture and thinking about something he’d like to play. “Nothing too stupid. Or complicated, I’m still a bit drunk.” Seungkwan insisted, making Seokmin scrunch his nose and go back to thinking. 

“How about this… We all say three things about ourselves, two truths and a lie, and whoever can’t find the lie must drink.” He seemed so excited by it that you almost felt a bit excited yourself. Maybe it had to do with the fact that, with that game, you could know a little more about Seungkwan’s friends, maybe it was just the remaining alcohol in your blood making you think that it was a good idea. Whichever it was, made you start thinking about three things about you. “Ok, Seungkwan can go first.” 

Everybody got Seungkwan’s right, and him going first was probably a bit silly since everyone on that table knew him better than themselves. Vernon was next, and you were surprised to find out that his name wasn’t actually Vernon, but Hansol, and Vernon was simply one of his last names. Only Seungkwan was able to guess yours, but seeing Mingyu actually trying his best to figure you out made a small dimple show in your cheek. It was on her turn that you all realized Rae was deeply sleeping on her seat. 

“Ok. We should wrap it up. Later we’ll have a busy day!” Seungkwan declared, standing up and clapping twice in order to wake Rae up. Seokmin seemed to be a bit bummed, but you decided that taking Rae to her room and not standing there to figure out if he actually was was the best decision for you at that moment. 

The alcohol on your body was almost completely gone, and thankfully there was no sign of hangover whatsoever. Not mixing beverages was the best decision you had made that day, and watching Rae - who mixed up a lot of shit - stumbling on your way to her room, even with your arm wrapped around her, made you twice as glad. 

After what seemed to be hours of you trying to give your stubborn friend a shower, you slowly started your way back to your room. There was no one in sight and you probably had spent more time tucking Rae in than you thought, because your expectation was to find at least one person outside. You raised your arm, intending to see what time it was, but the absence of your glasses made it impossible for you to see, so you just kept walking towards your room, throwing yourself on the bed while deliberating about showering. 

As soon as you got up, decided to suck up your laziness and get yourself cleaned up before sleeping, you heard a few knocks on your door. It started as just one, but after a few seconds two more followed the first. You made your way there, opening the door and finding Mingyu standing outside, ready to knock a fourth time. “Hey.” He said, smiling a bit and raising his hand in an automatic movement. 

“Hey… Is there something wrong?” He had never knocked on your door again, and for some reason you remembered the pinky promise both of you made - yes, in a slightly inebriated state - about knocking on each other’s doors if you wanted to know if something was not correct. He nodded, and you got out of your room, leaving the door half open. 

“I never got to tell my two truths and a lie.” He pouted and you couldn’t help but to laugh. That was what this was about? Mingyu tried really hard getting yours right, so he probably was interested in the game after all, and wanting to tell his propositions so bad he ended up knocking on your door. Once again you found yourself thinking that that monument of a man was cute, seeing him standing in front of you and being three heads taller made the word seem off, but you couldn’t see no other way to put it. 

“Ok. Go ahead. I’ll try my best.” The corners of your mouths raised in a toothless smile, and he showed his fangs listening to your answer. He bit his lower lip, raising one of his fingers before speaking. 

“One. I’m terribly afraid of heights.” He started counting and you kept watching his lips moving. The alcohol was making them look hypnotic, especially because of the way he would stick them out to pronounce the words. “Two. My name is Kim Mingyu.” His gaze started shifting and you felt a small shiver run through your body. Those options were obviously true. “Three. I won’t make any moves on you tonight.” 

It took him no more than a second to eliminate any distance between you two, and soon you felt his mouth nudging onto yours. His hands went to your face, lifting it gently and the soft peck turned into a small bite in your lower lip, which he stretched a bit before moving away, leaving you with a parted mouth and a racing heart. 

“I have three more.” You said, still too close to him to feel anything but fire all over your body. “One. I gave Seungkwan a beaded bracelet. Two. I have tattoos.” You put your hand on the handle of your door, opening it behind you. 

“Three… You shouldn’t lock it after you get in.” 

[SMUT WARNING FOR MY FELLOW BABIES WHO DON'T LIKE IT] chapter fifteen - green lights

There was a lingering silence between the two of you, and then your back was clashing onto your room’s door. You grinned upon the pressure his lips made on your mouth, but that only left space for him to deepen the kiss, slipping his tongue in, and dipping his fingers on your waist once again. The heat from that slight touch radiated through your body, and immediately made you realize how much you were craving for it, how much you needed his touch; ever since the day he’d sink them there, it always felt empty without his strong grip. 

Your hands went straight to the handle of your door, opening it and then pulling Mingyu in by the collar of his shirt. Every cell of your body seemed to be intoxicated by the faint smell of his sweet perfume, and you could tell just by that that you were already addicted to him. 

Mingyu’s hands went under your shirt, and started to slowly move up as he was pulling you closer and closer, until there was nowhere to go anymore. His sharp teeth bit your lower lip once, and even with your eyes closed you could feel a smile appearing on his face, even with his mouth still glued to yours. 

The sound of your door being closed shut made you open your eyes again, only to see Mingyu with one foot up and his eyes glued to you in an almost adoring way. You couldn't help but to smirk at him, who immediately ran his fingers to your nape and asked you in a rusky voice a simple: “What?”, smiling sheepishly right afterwards. 

“Such an odd thing to do to someone who’s not your type, Kim Mingyu.” You provoked him, but the only impact your words caused this time was to widen his sly expression and pull your hair just a little bit, making you tilt your head slightly to the left and clearing a path for him to whisper in your ear. 

“Oh… I haven’t even started yet.” A small shiver ran through your body as he began to give small pecks on your neck. You almost didn’t realize his hands leaving your hair and moving slyly to your thighs, grabbing them and pulling you up with such low effort that you couldn’t help but to look at his arms, watching the small veins popping up one by one while his lips still went down on your neck spreading kisses. 

The slight nervousness that had made your heart tremble for a moment vanished when he pressed his mouth to your collarbone, and it was replaced by an unbearable heat that started spreading through your body. To the best of your abilities, your tried not to moan shamefully when his tongue went back to the side of your neck, tracing all the way up to your ear, sinking his canines slightly close to your earlobe, sucking the place instantly and making your head spin simply from that small pressure.

“Now would be a terrible time to say I just noticed the moon tattooed behind your ear, wouldn’t it?” He took his lips out of your neck and looked at you while uttering the phrase, and your mouth contracted into an involuntary smile. 

“No, cause I also just noticed another mole you have.” You mumbled and Mingyu’s gaze was filled with an innocent and a youthful expression as he secured his hands around your thighs and started to slowly walk towards your bed. 

“Which one? The one on the nose?” He asked, sitting while still keeping you on his lap, and for the first time you felt the hardness under his pants, which made your arousal only worse. You waved your head from one side to the other, placing a wet kiss just below his jaw. His eyes closed instantly and his hands once again held your waist underneath your shirt. 

“This one.” Your mouth was almost glued to his neck and he could feel the warmness of your breath softly brushing against his skin. Without being able to take any other second away from them, you rushed to his lips, brushing your tongue on his and diving deeper than the other kisses. 

His hands started to make their way up, pushing your shirt inch by inch in the meantime, and when he finally got it at your chin level, you pulled away from him, letting Mingyu remove that piece of clothing from your body. As you started undressing him as well, he took his time finally taking a good look at your tattoos. You were a work of art, with the tattoos framing beautifully every inch of your body. 

There was a small thud when his shirt met the floor, but it couldn’t barely be noticed, because not long after that Mingyu was pinning your body against the bed, nudging into your lips with a heated kiss. 

You gasped with the feeling of his big hands cupping your chest in a soft massage, but he left you no space to react as his lips found their way back to yours in a heartbeat. He thrusted forward, making his erection rub exactly the right way in your slit, and your mouth - still between his lips - opened letting a small pant come out. 

“Fuck, Gyu.” The words left your mouth unintentionally, but they made Mingyu’s smirk grow, as he started to trace your tattoos with small kisses and went down until he reached the snake on your collarbone. He continued his path down, sucking the skin from your chest and almost making you beg for him to give some attention to your very hardened peaks. The way he ripped your bra open from the front made a shiver run through your body, but instead of finally feeling his lips on your breast, you felt a huge emptiness when he got on his knees and pulled his body away from yours. 

“Shit. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted someone so bad in my whole life.” From your point of view, you could see his darkened gaze, the stiffness underneath his pants and the damn adoring smile staggered on his damn lips. This man would be the death of you, and you would enjoy every single bit of it. 

Your hands went straight to his pants, but he took them off before you could unbutton them, holding your wrists with his right hand over your head while slowly grazing his fingertips on your exposed skin. “You always want to do things in your way, don’t you?” His face started getting closer to yours, and you felt your eyes closing shut, craving for the velvety touch of his lips on you, but you’re given nothing besides his hot breathing against your skin and the agony growing on your stomach. “Unfortunately I’ve spent too much time thinking about what I wanted to do to you to let this opportunity pass.”

Mingyu wrapped his lips around one of your nipples while his free hand made small circular massages on the other one. You dug your feet into the mattress, feeling so much pleasure from that single movement that you couldn’t even imagine what it would feel like to have him inside you. Once again you whispered his name, with an airy voice, doing your best to keep the volume at minimal. 

His mouth engulfed the other breast, and he carefully took the hand that was pinning your wrists, putting two fingers inside your mouth, which you promptly sucked and gave a broad lick while he took them out. He purred your name, but didn’t let that small teasing affect his next actions, which were taken regardless of your pleadings. That hand went to the other nipple, pinching it slowly and making small movements to dismiss the pleasure before he did it again. 

You made the mistake of peering at the man on top of you, and felt your blood buzzing at the scene. Mingyu’s eyes were completely darkened, so focused on you, and when he saw you looking, his sharp teeth bit the pebbled flesh, sucking right after. You felt the sheer desire aching between your thighs, as it got wetter by the minute. Your hands went straight to Mingyu’s hair, pulling them as soon as you touched his strands as you watched him enjoying your every reaction to his touches. 

The quickness in which your hand went back to his trousers, unbuttoning and unzipping it before he could even realize it, got him off guard. You felt your body quiver when he stopped what he was doing and took both of his hands to pin your wrists beside your head, grinning at you and waving his head from one side to the other. 

“For someone who likes to tease you’re pretty impatient, you know?” His husky voice murmured in your ear, and you couldn’t help but to bite your lower lip, turning his head to match his gaze. Mingyu could drown in those deep eyes any day, feeling them immediately pulling him inside just like a sea current would once he got inside its waters. 

“I don’t like teasing…” You murmured, feeling him leaving small kisses on your mouth and almost losing your train of thought when his knee went between your thighs. “... I just like teasing you.” You stretched the last word and that made small fires burst through Mingyu’s body as his face shifted to a big smile he was unable to hide. 

His mouth started lowering your body inch by inch, as his kisses got wetter and with more pressure than before. After playing a bit with your chest, he lowered his body once again, and the hot kiss he left just a bit above the hem of your shorts stirred the pressure inside you, and you instinctively begged him to take them off.

Mingyu stopped what he was doing, holding your wrists and moving so that he could see your face. You were already panty, with a deep pink shade spreaded on your cheeks. The way that man looked at you could cause your heart to stop, making you fall apart in an instant. Mingyu bit his lower lip, smirking and kissing you before uttering the next phrase: “Well, I guess I can say I like teasing you too.”

He was good at that game, you must admit, but the thing Mingyu didn’t know or at least pretended not to know was that you were definitely better. Your gaze suddenly darkened, and your mouth turned into a sneer just for a second before you wrapped your legs around his waist and made him feel that damp spot he had just caused. Your mouth enfolded his in the deepest kiss you’ve shared so far, and you made sure to whisper against his mouth with the utmost lip movement you could put on the phrase so that your lips would graze in every single word: “I can wait cause I know you’ll fuck me real good. I’m very patient.” 

Mingyu’s body squirmed above you as you jerked once to make his intimacy touch yours once again, and a low moan formed on his throat as he puffed loudly, closing his eyes and clashing his lips onto yours. “Actually, I don’t feel that patient anymore.” He murmured, with no trace of a smile in his face, that was overthrown by the deep darkness inside his eyes. He let go of your hands, but you didn’t move them even a bit, watching as - with his eyes glued on yours - Mingyu started to trace a way with his finger nails through your stomach to your shorts. 

He moved his fingers inside your pants, going straight to your dripping cunt, and letting your name escape in a moan when he felt the wetness of your slit with his own hands. “Fuck, fuck.” You cussed as he gently brushed his fingers on your bud, but he didn’t spend too much time there. 

“God, I wanna eat you out so bad…” The fingers that had just been inside you went to his mouth, and he puffed after finally feeling your taste, continuing his phrase afterwards: “But I fear you’ll wake everybody up if I do.” The knot on the bottom of your stomach tightened itself and you jolted in expectation. Your mind was so clouded by lust that the only thing you could do at that moment was to think about how much you wanted him to touch you with his big hands so badly.

“M-Mingyu, please.” That day was the first time in your life you’ve ever bagged for something. The biggest possession you had before that day was your pride, but fucking Kim Mingyu rook it’s place and now a bit of pride was noting compared to how much you wanted him. How much you needed him to touch you, to fill you. 

“Are you gonna be a good girl, then?” He asked, calmly taking your pants off, but without ever breaking eye contact. He’s not clumsy at all, he’s a fucking liar. A stupidly hot liar that should take these fucking pants faster. Your mind took the opportunity of Mingyu’s hands away from you and your brain actually made sinapses again to think, but all that was there was him. He was ruining you, and you wanted to be ruined. 

“Yes.” You blurted, making him laugh with a deeper voice than usual, but you weren’t able to rejoice in that small moment because he finally took his eyes off of yours, staring at your intimacy and biting his lower lip again before starting to give wet kisses all over your inner thighs while taking them out of his hips. 

Your body was already tingling with the warmness of his mouth being pressed against your bare skin, making your toes curl beneath him as he approached your cunt with his upward trail of kisses. You bite your lip, suppressing a loud groan that almost came out when his tongue dragged along your slit. “Good girl.” He whispers in a melting voice. 

Incoherent words start slipping through your mouth accompanying his name every time you felt the velvety touch of his tongue right on your clit, and you covered your mouth with your own hand, even though - at that moment - you weren’t caring that much about who could hear you. He continues to lick and suck your slit in an addictive way, making your body respond to his every single touch.

“You’re perfect.” He mumbled before slipping one finger inside you, making your back arch almost completely and your lips part as a strangled noise that sounded like his name left them. “Look at me.” Mingyu commanded, holding your hips down with one of his hands in a grip that you were pretty sure would leave marks, and sliding another finger inside of you. “I wanna see your eyes when you come.”

His fingers started moving inside you in a way you’ve never experienced before, and eventually hitting a spot that would make your legs weak. At the same time, his tongue was making calculated circular movements on your most sensitive part, and then licking it up and down, causing the knot on your stomach to grow. 

“Oh, shit.” His slender eyes were pierced in yours as his tongue sweep skilfully on your bud with broad strokes, and you could see him opening sassy smiles everytime he saw you struggling to keep your eyes on his and to keep the moans to yourself. “Oh fuck, please don’t stop that.” The way he angled his tongue and started swirling it on your bud was igniting tremors all over your body. “Fuck. Gyu, please…” 

Mingyu then buried his mouth deeper, sucking the area and twirling his tongue in a controlled, yet skillful way. The hand that was inside you left your cunt, but you were so numb that you only noticed when you felt the pleasuring pain of a small pinch on your right boob, followed by a massage that almost made you scream in pleasure. 

With a last stroll of his tongue you felt it. Your body spasmed as his mouth was still buried in you, and you felt the trembling worsening as your head spun. You saw everything blurring in front of you as your back arched and your eyes rolled back with the sheer pleasure you were feeling, but feeling Mingyu sucking and licking every bit of your glistering arousal made you almost dissolve into pleasure. 

“I never thought I’d see you beg…” He teased you, but you had no strength to fight back, especially when you saw his rosy cheeks, the messy hair and the proud smile on his face. I am fucked. You just wrapped his neck with your arms, pulling him closer and kissing him passionately, knowing damn well that inebriating yourself with Kim Mingyu was the best thing you’ve ever done in your life. That movement, however, made another unintentional contact between your intimacies, and you realized how fucking hard he was.

“I guess now’s my turn right?” You sneered, taking him by surprise and - because of that - being able to switch your places and sitting right on top of his erection. His shorts were already untied, and you just pulled them down along with his underwear, having Mingyu to help you out when they came to his heels. Before you could realize, Mingyu’s hands were on your waist, and he pulled you carefully to the position you were in previously, not letting you even touch his cock. 

“Wrong. Today’s about me and all the shit I’ve been wanting to do to you since the day you woke me up…” He held you inside his arms and pulled your torso closer to him, consequentially making your cunt slide on his erection and a synchronized moan leave your mouths at the same time. You both giggled, and he held your face, pulling it close enough for him to kiss you gently. 

Suddenly a small problem struck you. “Do you… have a condom?” You asked, biting your lower lip but not making any effort to change your position. Mingyu nodded, pointing to the shorts you had just taken off and blinking once at you. 

“Oh, you were expecting this, then…” You teased him, grabbing his shorts and picking the pockets until you found the single condom, but had no time to even go back to his side before feeling his arms wrapping around your waist and positioning you back onto his lap. 

“I could tell you what I was expecting, or…” He glued his lips to your neck, sucking it in a not so gentle way while he moved softly beneath you, which made the condom fidget in your hands and fall onto his lap while you tried to suppress a loud moan you felt forming on your throat. “I could just show you.” The slutty smile that showed up on his face made you sure you never wanted someone so bad before and, thankfully, a smile appeared on your face when the realization hit you: you were about to have him.

chapter sixteen - a true friend

A shy knock on your door woke you up, and you found yourself wrapped around Mingyu’s arms, who was still sleeping unfazed. The person behind the door knocked again, and you finally convinced yourself it wasn’t a dream, it actually happened.

“Are you sleeping?” Seungkwan’s voice was timid, but recognizing it made you almost jump out of bed, waking Mingyu up in the process. He opened his mouth, probably to ask what happened, but you were quicker into covering it with your left hand. Another knock on the door and it started to seem like a clock was ticking in your head, showing you that you were running out of time. You looked around your room, finding only Mingyu’s shorts and your shirt, but you honestly didn’t think it through before putting them on, shoving Mingyu into the bathroom and running towards the door. 

“I’m awake.” Your eyes were only half open, and your voice sounded way raspier than you imagined it would be at that time. You cleared your throat, glancing at Seungkwan and watching him frowning, and immediately tossed another word in: “What’s up?”

“Were you sleeping?” He seemed to only then have realized what time it was - 5:15 a.m., you checked on your phone before opening the door - and now he seemed a bit flustered to have woken you up, but you simply shook your head from one side to the other, giving two little spanks on your face and smiling at him. 

“Yup, but I’m awake now. What happened?” Your room was silent, Mingyu made absolutely no sound in the meantime and you were fighting your urge to look inside and see if he was still there, but you couldn’t because Seungkwan was right in front of you, looking a bit lost and very confused. 

“Oh… Nothing. I just… I just thought about coming here.” He murmured unconvincingly, and you tilted your head to the side, closing the door behind you so that Mingyu wouldn’t dare to listen to whatever he had to say. You were a loyal bitch, and if Seungkwan reached you he didn’t want anyone else to know what it was about. 

“Do you want to talk?” You ran your fingers through his messy hair, trying to pull it together somehow, and waited for him to answer. It took him a while, he was actually thinking about his response. Seungkwan wasn’t great at sharing his problems. Showing affection? He was ok with that. Showing when you had pissed him off? Damn, he was the best. Actually asking for help? Oh, no, no. Seungkwanie would rather die than ask anybody’s help before things got too out of control.

“No.” He declared, both to you and him at the same time. You nodded, biting your lip and trying to think of a way to help. Raena was the best at squeezing the truth out of Seungkwan, and probably that was the reason he came to you and not to her: he wasn’t ready to talk yet. 

“But you do have something to talk about, right?” Your question was quickly answered with a significant nod from the blond man standing in front of you. “Do you wanna go to the pier and sit in silence until you start crying and then pretend nothing happened?” You suggested and he looked at you, livid. 

“Fuck you. No.” His long face didn’t last long, and as soon as your giggle was heard he followed you, already feeling better about his deadlock. “Can we… do a small under-the-table schedule tomorrow night? The… Hm… A-Access Holly(boo)d?” You cackled, covering your mouth and hoping that no one had been woken by it. 

“Honestly, your mind is fucking amazing. Did you just come up with that?” He nodded and you placed your hand on top of your heart: “Respect.” Your words made Seungkwan smile once again, and you felt like you made something right - fucking finally. “I’m obviously in. It’s your birthday today, if you asked me to hide a body I would say ‘Kwanie what the fuck…’ but would end up doing it anyways.” 

“You are ridiculous.” He said, feeling glad about coming to talk to you. You bowed twice, rejoicing on Seungkwan’s mood change thanks to you. This is what you should have been for him in the past three years, and what you weren’t because of your stupid ass job. You were glad it wasn’t too late. 

“Should I call Rae?” You asked him and he looked you up and down, raising his hands and making such vague gestures that you couldn’t even understand what he meant by them. The confused look on your face made him roll his eyes. 

“Of fucking course. Us, emotionally constipated bitches, can never solve this shit on our own. We need our emotional cancer support.” He uttered like it was obvious and you just nodded, once again holding a small giggle that would often come out when you were hanging with Seungkwan in any given situation. 

“How about Vernon?” His gaze shifted and he simply denied, waving his head from one side to the other while looking at nowhere in particular. “Oh, ok. I see ya. I got it. I can see right through you, Boo Seungkwanie.” 

“I can also see right through you. How’s Mingyu?” His eyes were piercing and, had you not been a lawyer for the past three years - and therefore an excellent liar -, you probably would have been shaking until now from how spot on he was on his damn guess. 

“I don’t know. You should knock on his door and ask… You’re gonna have to knock five times, though.” He looked you up and down again, staying a little longer on the shorts you were wearing than you would like, but suddenly shrugged, waving his hands dismissively. “I’ll sleep a bit now. Sorry for waking you up.” He said, turning on his heels and heading to the exit of that building.

 After his blond hair disappeared into the corridor, you finally let out a huge sight, getting inside your room and seeing no trace of Mingyu. You opened the bathroom door, and found him sleeping while sitting on the ground with his head resting on the sink. He was holding your shorts and his shirt tightly and his mouth was a bit open. The man was fucking adorable. 

“Gyu…” You said softly and he opened his eyes, smiling faintly at you and then brushing his face with his hands in order to wake up, dropping the clothes he was hanging onto. He got up, stretching his back and following you out of the bathroom as you guided him by holding his hand. 

“What was this about?” He asked in a very raspy voice and with only one eye opened. “Why did I have to go to the bathroom? Are we… hiding this?” A small pout formed on his face and you just stood on your tiptoes, leaving a peck there and seeing his sharp teeth show up after you did so. 

“I think it’s the best thing to do for now…” You confessed and he pouted again, pulling you closer into a hug and leaving kisses in your head. When you lifted your gaze, he placed a kiss on your forehead, and started going down leaving kisses all over your face until he reached your lips. 

“I don’t want to.” He said it like a child and you giggled a bit, flicking his forehead and watching him sulk over it. “Why should we?” 

“We don’t know what this is yet…” You started explaining, and saw him paying close attention to every word that was coming out of your mouth. “... Maybe not making a big deal out of it will cause us to avoid a lot of trouble… Besides, do you know your fucking friends? For instance, Rugel won’t leave us alone with the lame jokes about sex.” 

“Well… I did get the condom from him, so I’m guessing I’ll already be suffering those consequences…” He confessed and both of your hands went straight to your face, covering it completely while you tilted it back. Mingyu took your wrists, wrapping them around his own waist and, by that, pulling you closer.

“Don’t drag me into it, Gyu, please!” You begged him and he giggled a bit, nodding in agreement as soon as he did it. “Not to mention the fact that I might’ve said a couple times I wouldn’t hook up with you and I have a bit of pride inside myself…” You said it like it was nothing, but it made him drop his arms that were still holding you and look at you with another pout on his lips.

“Ouch? That actually hurt a bit?” He said. His eyes narrowed and a line appeared between his brows. You were quick to pull him closer, placing a small kiss on his collarbone and watching him shiver just by that small gesture.

“You also said that… Mr. ‘You’re Not My Type You Ugly Bitch’.” And once again there he was: Kim Mingyu visibly distressed by the tiniest thing you’ve said to tease him. It should not be this fun, but fuck… it was. You felt a small mocking smile show up but you tried your best to keep it to yourself, as he opened his mouth almost insulted.

“ONE TIME. I said it one time. And I never said you were ugly, I always thought you were fucking hot… You just happened to be way more than that… And I’m not someone who only sees people by their looks” He blurted the first words out, but then you started to leave small kisses on his chest as he went jabbering the following words, each one being more slurred than the others and his eyes closing because of the soft touch of your lips.

“Ass or Boobs?” You asked him jokingly and he giggled, forcing himself into seriousness once again to answer blatantly: “Personality.” You both bursted into laughter, as you buried your head on his chest while you did so. 

“Seriously, though. When you walk through that door this…” You pointed at you and then to him. “... never happened. Deal?” He looked at you for a bit, and once again he was thinking that you must have been a great lawyer because there was absolutely no fucking thing you would ask of him that he could’ve possibly think about denying. His eyes rolled before uttering the forsaken word, but you were determined enough on that idea and Mingyu was too tired to fight over his wishes.

“Deal.”

chapter seventeen - hopeless

“Are you sure that this pancake isn’t burning?” Seokmin had woken up a bit earlier than he usually did, and so thirsty that it became almost impossible for him to go back to sleep, so he decided to take the opportunity and see if anybody was already up. He found Mingyu in the kitchen by himself, looking to the most absolute nothing and missing all the indications that the batter on the pan in front of him was about to taste like coal if he didn’t take it out of the fire at that exact second. 

Mingyu looked confused at Seokmin, only noticing his presence after his friend spoke, taking a few seconds to make sense of what was just spoken, rushing to turn the batter and hoping that the pancake wasn’t completely lost. Seokmin bursted into laughter, murmuring a “classic Mingyu” about the fact that he did all the moves in a very clumsy manner, but knowing that messing up cooking wasn’t anything like his friend. 

“What’s up? What were you thinking about?” DK asked the tallest, sitting on the counter and nibbling on one of the pancakes that were already done on a plate to see if they were any good. Mingyu was thinking about you, but he couldn’t say that because he fucking promised that he’d forget what happened inside your room after leaving it As if it was possible. Nonetheless, the only thing that was going through his mind was you and this weird feeling that kept emerging every time he’d see you, or think of you.

“Nothing…” There was absolutely no credibility in Mingyu's words and Seokmin knew him well enough to know that. He squinted, looking his friend up and down, and after he shoved the recently approved pancake inside his mouth, eating the rest of it in only one bite, he came down off the counter, pushing Mingyu’s shoulder carefully, and making sure his friend knew he wasn’t buying any of his excuses. 

“Come on… You can tell me. I’m great at keeping secrets…” His smile made his eyes almost vanish, but a pout soon took its place, caused by Mingyu’s expression that Seokmin could read pretty well: are you shitting me? “Fine. I’m terrible at keeping my own secrets, but when it’s somebody else's I’m pretty good. You wouldn’t know because you never fucking tell me anything.” He nagged and Mingyu turned off the stove, just then noticing that one of the pancakes was gone. 

“Do you want some pancakes as well?” He asked and Seokmin smiled again, nodding and making his way to the coffee machine, making sure to prepare enough for him, Mingyu, and someone else who could eventually show up. They both finished making their breakfast and there was no sign of anyone else whatsoever, so Seokmin decided to push Mingyu a little bit more. 

“Why don’t you tell me just… superficially? For me to get the gist of it without you giving me any details?” He proposed, and Mingyu seemed to be actually considering that possibility, as a small frown started to appear due to the taste of the slightly burnt pancake he decided to eat anyway. 

What could he say? That he couldn’t stop thinking about you any second of the day? That now that he’d finally tasted your kiss he didn’t want to have anyone else’s? That he had left your room at five a.m. and was since then thinking about knocking back, but was afraid to wake you up? That he was dying to scream out to every single soul in that place that he had finally kissed you, but he couldn’t?

“I think I… kinda like someone.” He just said instead, and Seokmin nodded, once again eating the pancake in one bite and drinking a bit of coffee while Mingyu waited patiently for any response he could’ve had. 

“The best phrasing would be I think I’m hopelessly in love with someone, but ok, go on…” Seokmin mimicked Mingyu’s tone, including a small lisp that he kept insisting Mingyu had, even though the tallest one knew he didn’t - his mind just worked a bit faster than his mouth and words would come out a bit slurred. 

“Wait, what?” Mingyu finally assessed Seokmin’s words. He wasn’t in love, it was just a crush. Besides, how the fuck did he know who he was talking about? The shortest one giggled watching Mingyu enter his deep analysis state once again, eating while he processed the information. When his friend’s gaze pierced on Seokmin’s, he just shrugged. 

“It’s kind of obvious. Have you seen the way you fucking look at her? The way you were holding her in the pool? The way your eyes were sparkling watching her rap to ‘Lose Yourself’ by Eminem on Karaoke Night?” Mingyu’s jaw dropped at Seokmin’s words, and he fumed his friend, asking something he was hoping to have an opportunity to ask a while ago. 

“Why the fuck did you tell her I flirt with everybody then, jackass? And why on earth you sat in that damn pool if you noticed?!” Mingyu’s voice was getting louder by the minute, but he was trying his best to be heard only by the ass he had for a friend. 

“Because it’s true that you flirt as a means of communication, how would I know that it was for real this time? Just because of your googly eyes and loud sighs? I’m not psychic… And the second one was because I didn’t want to be alone.” He pouted and Mingyu took the rest of the pancakes that were on Seokmin’s plate, shoving them all into his own mouth and concluding that he wasn’t deserving of his culinary skills. “Dude?” 

“You don’t deserve eating my pancakes.” Mingyu explained with his mouth still full, but Seokmin simply took a few pancakes from his friend’s plate and did the same Mingyu just had. “And I do not flirt as a means of communication.”

“Tell that to halmoni, Kim Mingyu. She’ll be heartbroken, though.” Mingyu’s hand went straight to Seokmin’s arm, hitting it while he stuck his tongue out, and returning that affectionate gesture was the least he could do, so Seokmin rejoiced with the sound of his palm hitting just the right spot on Mingyu’s arm. 

“What are you guys talking about?” Rae’s voice was so husky that, for a split second, Seokmin thought that the person entering the kitchen was actually Wonwoo. She looked like she hadn’t drunk at all the previous day: there were no undereye bags, her curls were glowing and her skin seemed the best they’ve seen so far. There was, however, an odd expression on her face, almost like she was using every single strength in her body to cope with the sunlight. 

“Heart problems.”

“Seokmin’s halmoni.” The two of them answered at the same time, and Rae looked a bit confused at first, while Mingyu pinched his friend’s legs under the table and hoped he would shut his big ass mouth for once. 

“Is she ok?” Raena seemed truly concerned, and Mingyu just got up, proposing to make her some breakfast while he left the small mess for Seokmin to fix. The latter nodded, smiling brightly to the girl who had just sat down in front of him. 

“Yes. Yes… We were saying that she’s very healthy and hadn’t had any heart problems.” He lied, but Rae was in no condition to make judgments about the veracity of said words, and since she couldn’t even think of a reason why Seokmin would lie, she just nodded, agreeing with him and closing her eyes to avoid any clarity to reach her for a while. 

Seokmin kept jabbering about some things that happened the previous night while Raena ate the pancakes Mingyu had prepared for her. He was still in the kitchen waiting to see if anyone else would come in and ask for pancakes, looking avidly to the door while biting his cuticles off. 

“Everyone’s passed out. I checked…” Rae mentioned putting the last piece of her breakfast in her mouth, and Mingyu turned his gaze to her, raising both of his eyebrows and watching her drink a bit of juice and dry her mouth with a no longer white napkin. “You kept looking at the door, I don’t think no one’s coming any time soon.”

Defying her recently spoken words, you suddenly appeared in the kitchen, raising one of your hands in a small greeting. Mingyu’s face lit up as soon as you appeared, and a silly smile showed up in his mouth, which was soon reciprocated by you. Seokmin got up almost instantly.

“Oh, guess you were wrong, Rae. Wanna check if there’s anyone else awake?” He asked, blinking to Mingyu and almost forcing Raena to get up and follow him. She seemed a bit lost by the suddenness, but she followed him willingly, leaving you and Mingyu alone in the kitchen in no time. 

“Want some pancakes?” He asked, getting up from the chair, and you nodded, thanking him in such a low voice that you feared he hadn’t listened to you. While he was concentrating on preparing the batter, you took a look outside the kitchen, finding no one around.

Mingyu felt your hands softly wrapping around his waist and a small kiss being placed on the highest point of his back that you could reach without him bending over, and he looked back, seeing your small eyes and the big smile you were flashing his way. He took your arms, leaving the batter behind and turning one eighty degrees to face you. His lips were quick to find yours and you just kept looking at him when he pulled his face away. 

“How am I supposed to hide anything when you do this kind of thing to me?” He asked, and you giggled, standing on your tiptoes to reach his face, leaving small kisses all over it until you found his lips. 

“There’s no one around.” You had a childish smile on your face and Mingyu felt his heart bursting with the way your nose scrunched while looking at him that way. “The best phrasing would be I think I’m hopelessly in love with someone, but ok, go on…” Seokmin’s voice reached Mingyu unconsciously, and the more he looked at you, the more they seemed to make sense. In love? He wasn’t sure yet, but hopeless? He definitely was, and it was all because of you.

chapter eighteen - look around

The absence of the white cloud blanket on the night sky indicated to you that it would be a cold night, and you cursed yourself for not buying anything that would cover you up for that. Your secret meeting with Rae and Seungkwan to talk over anything that was bothering Kwanie was supposed to happen a few minutes later, but there you were, on the balcony of your room, thinking that near the water would probably be colder than there, and you were already pretty cold. 

“Oh, what a coincidence.” Mingyu’s voice startled you. For a clumsy man, his steps were way too silent. He was standing next to the edge of his balcony that was closest to yours, wearing very familiar jeans, a black beanie and a cardigan that you were pretty sure that should be worn with something underneath - which he decided was not necessary. “We met here again the same day I happened to have two bottles of Bacardi and was thinking about drawing something beautiful… Wanna be it?”

You giggled with all the cheesiness, but Mingyu seemed proud of his previous words, bearing a bright grin that made his nose scrunch a bit and his eyes sparkle. You once again jumped to his balcony, making the man almost drop the bottles he was holding behind his back to try and catch you. You were a bit faster than he expected, and landed gracefully beside him. 

“I can’t. I have a thing to do today…” Your words made him pout, but your icy touch on his face made his mouth quirk up and his eyes went straight to yours. Mingyu placed the two bottles on the rail, letting his hands wander on your back and making a small shiver run through your body because of the coldness of his touch due to the freezing bottles he was holding just now. 

“Wow, that was a violent shiver. Are you cold?” He asked and you simply nodded, feeling him pulling you closer and starting to rub his arms around you, attempting to warm you with them and his presence. You rest your head on his chest, feeling his arms tightening around you, and wishing you could be there just for a little while. “Why are you wearing these clothes, then? Don’t you have anything warmer?” 

“The only long sleeved clothing I own here is the shirt I was wearing when I… you know…” Quit my job. Ruined my future. The dramatic words got lost in your mouth while you tried to explain to him, but Mingyu simply nodded, pulling a bit away to look you in the eye, but without letting you further away from him even the slightest.

“Ah, yes, when you held my hand for the first time… I can only imagine it is hanging in your room like a trophy…” The dry noise that the encounter of your hand with the uncovered part of his chest made was louder than you intended, but Mingyu’s loud giggle and the smirk he was displaying made you sure that it wasn’t because you put too much strength into it.

“Jackass.” You murmured, trying to get out of his hug, but he just stiffened his arms, making his grip on you stronger and pulling you close enough for him to be able to find your lips, leaving small pecks while you kept jokingly trying to escape. He is way too good at this for it to be legal, you kept thinking to yourself while Mingyu’s lips would wander through every inch of your face in a very soft and warm caress. “If you didn’t have such a handsome face I would’ve punched it already.” 

“If it is sensual and consensual… I’m ok with it, you know?” His words masked the redness that was spreading through his cheeks because of your compliment, but you couldn’t help but notice how red his ears had gotten and how adorable he looked with the youthful smile he showed everywhere lately. “Talking about sensual…” 

His arms left you, and - maybe because of the cold night, maybe because of some deep wish within you to keep being held by him forever - their absence was almost painful. You felt a pout forming in your own mouth, unintendedly, but it dropped when you saw him opening one button of his cardigan at a time, taking it off in no time and placing it over your shoulders. 

“Kim Mingyu!” You nagged, pushing him inside of his room and trying your best to avoid that he would get sick. His body was in flames when your cold hand touched it, and you finally looked down once again, inspecting his stiff torso and having vivid images of him on top of you popping in your head unconsciously. 

“What? You said you were cold…” He had a sheepish expression on his face and he could see exactly how your eyes were wandering through his body in a hypnotic way. The bottles of Bacardi were still on the rail of the balcony, but drinking didn’t seem that interesting now that you were in front of him. “I was just helping you out.”

“I am not one of god’s strongest soldiers, Kim Mingyu, you cannot take your shirt like that and hope that I will simply move on with my life, seriously.” You finally came back to your senses, watching him beaming at your comment and slowly caressing your hair while he kept getting closer and closer. “But thank you, do you have anything else to wear? Can’t let you get a cold… You’re already a big baby when healthy, I can’t even imagine how impossible you must be when sick.” 

“Should I also take off my pants and show you how impossible I can be?” His eyes were piercing through yours and you bit your lower lip, gathering all of the strength you had on your body to swing your head from one side to the other. 

“I can’t, Gyu. I told you I have something to do…” You checked your watch, seeing that you were officially late for the secret rendez-vous. Slowly a tint of regret from jumping to Mingyu’s balcony and making it harder for you to want to leave him and go meet your friends emerged. Nonetheless, Seungkwan needed you, so you didn’t have a choice, you should get going before it was too late.

“What’s that? Schedule is free tonight, I checked…” He asked, walking towards his suitcase and pulling a long sleeved shirt from it, and - thankfully for your mental health and self control - covering his fine ass body with it. 

“It’s a secret…” When Mingyu looked at you after you uttered those words, he saw a completely new expression on your face. The smile was almost childish, like you were a kid who was about to do something bad, but somehow wanted someone to know. Mingyu raised his brows and you bit your lower lip once again while the smile kept staggered on your face. “... Like a Confession Session for the besties who hadn’t talked in ages because one of us has been too busy to be a human being.” You explained and Mingyu nodded: you, Rae and Seungkwan would gather and tell each other about your lives, he got that. 

“Are you gonna talk about me?” His voice was deep and he held your hand softly, intertwining your fingers and grazing his thumb very gently up and down. Your heart fumbled with that small act, and you could feel it beating stupidly loud, almost making you embarrassed. This is ridiculous, this feeling. Your head said that constantly, but your heart was beating so loud that those intrusive thoughts couldn’t barely be heard, and you would simply enjoy these little things, fearing that soon they would go away. 

“What would I say? We decided on keeping it a secret, remember?” You smiled and Mingyu frowned, sticking his lower lip out, scrunching his nose and puckering his eyebrows. He tried letting go of your hand, but you held it still. Even though Mingyu made it pretty obvious that he would rather just tell everybody, you still didn’t know what the two of you had. What would you even say? Hi guys, Mingyu and I had nasty sex two nights ago and now we hold hands and kiss eventually? That simply didn’t make sense. Besides, what if this was only because of the environment? What if you came back home and Mingyu realized that you weren’t his type afterall? How embarrassing would it be for you to retell everyone that the nasty sex was just a mistake? No, no. That wouldn’t do. 

Oddly, Mingyu understood exactly what was going on in your head the moment he laid eyes on you. It felt weird, being able to read you so well after just a few days felt at the same time weird and as if it was meant to be. For now, he knew that it was a lost battle, so he decided to do what he knew would please you: diverge the subject and let this conversation for later. You already had much in your head anyways. 

“That I’m super cute and a good kisser…” He answered finally, stealing a kiss before pulling away with a toothless smile. You felt glad he didn’t insist on the matter, smiling back at him and raising both eyebrows in response. 

“Can I change that to ‘Gyu’s super cute, smart and handsome’ and leave the good kisser part aside? I don’t think Raena would believe me if I said I kissed you, she would call me a sore loser and a liar.” You proposed and Mingyu bursted into laughter, nodding while he patted your head in a very caring manner. 

“Deal.” Once again he was blushing. He fucking loved being complimented, you could tell that by his very obvious reactions to every single good thing you’ve said about him so far, and he also liked when you called him either by his nickname or full name. He was very transparent and expressive, even when he tried not to be. 

“Ok. I must go now. I’m already late, if I take more time they’ll start searching my body in the water and be certain that I’m dead by now… I am never ever late.” Mingyu nodded, opening the door for you and, after seeing if there was anybody on the corridor, you slid your body out of his room, rapidly striding to the pier. 

Seungkwan was sitting with his back completely straight on one of the sun loungers looking nowhere in particular, and Rae was staring deeply at him, probably waiting for him to say something - the scene wasn’t even close to unusual -, sitting in the lounger next to his. You cleared your throat to avoid scaring anyone, and sat right next to Rae on her chair. 

“You’re late.” She remarked and you smiled half-heartedly, knowing damn well that she was right. Usually the late one was Seungkwan, because you would always push Raena out of the house — even when her make up wasn’t still completely done —, and make her finish getting ready on the way. “And Seungkwan hadn’t said anything other than…” She forced her voice to go deeper and tried her best to mimic your best friend in the next phrase: “I will only speak when the one who will agree with me arrives.” 

“Is this Mingyu’s cardigan?” Seungkwan finally looked at you, gushing the words instantly when he noticed the piece of clothing that definitely did not belong to you. You nodded and Rae made the slyest face you’ve ever seen her pull out, so you decided to explain — lie —  before things got out of control. 

“Yep. I’m late because I didn’t buy any long sleeved clothes, so I knocked on Mingyu’s door and asked for one. He took his time looking for this and I took my time lying about wanting to stroll along the pier by myself so that I wouldn’t rat you out.” 

Raena hated how good of a liar you were. She couldn’t tell if that was the truth or not. She had seen Mingyu sneaking into the kitchen and grabbing some bottles earlier, but she simply could not remember his outfit, and you seemed pretty confident in what you were saying, so she decided to believe it.

Seungkwan, on the other hand, knew it was bullshit. You never explain yourself this much when you have nothing to hide, and the tone of your voice always had slight changes when you were on what he liked to call “lawyer mode”. However, if you were lying it probably was because you weren’t ready to tell them whatever was going on, so he decided to do the thing he hated the most: pouring out his feelings. 

He didn’t hate attention, nor hated people knowing things about him. That was, of course, when it came to things he could control and slightly manipulate how he would be perceived. Those two jerks that were bickering while he processed the new information he just received were the only two people in the world to whom Seungkwan would confidently talk about the most reckless, enerving and uncontrollable things in his life: his personal feelings.  

“Ok, can we talk about Kwanie now, Raena? Geez, I’m only ten minutes late.” You begged, hoping that the damn woman in front of you would simply drop this one mistake you made. You never dropped anytime she got late before, so she wasn’t very willing to let this one go without at least a bit of nagging, but Seungkwan nodding made her forget about it and pay attention to him.

“Right… It’s one of those things…” He started saying, noticing that both of you were paying close attention. “... That I don’t like talking about.” Putting in words the things that were bothering him was way harder than he expected. Seungkwan kept trying to formulate words and nothing was coming out. “It’s better if you guys just ask.” 

The light echo of the small water movements made by the wind twirling in that shimmering nothingness was the only sound that could be perceived. It seemed like even your breaths had taken a break and were being held as the two of you started to think of what Seungkwan could possibly want you to ask. “I have nothing…” Rae finally broke the silence, unable to think of anything that could be bothering her friend.

“This is about… Vernon… right?” You asked carefully, afraid to trigger anything, and Rae’s jaw dropped when Seungkwan nodded affirmatively. You nodded back and Rae kept shifting her gaze from him to you nonstop, until you spoke again: “What? Weren’t you an empath? How did you not realize this, Raena?” The phrase made Seungkwan giggle a bit, and Rae puffed loudly, throwing her hair back with her hand and steaming at you. 

“I am an empath. I’m a cancer…” She confirmed, sticking her middle finger up and tucking the framing strands of hair behind her ears. “But I do confess that I have been so focused on Jessica that I haven’t paid much attention to my two babies.” 

“You didn’t make your move yet? For fucks sake, Raena.” Seungkwan scolded and she raised her index, swinging that long and slender finger from one side to the other in a slow pace, and starting to swing her head alongside. 

“No. No. No. No. No, Mr. Boo Seungkwan. This is not about me. This is about you. I see what your earthy sign ass is trying to do but I won’t let it happen. You can scold me about being a hopeless romantic and a panicked gay later.” She said, and as oddly as it sounds, Rae was making… sense. That was a new one. “So let’s go back a bit, shall we? Chwe Hansol… do you like him?” 

“Hard question. Rephrase it.” Seungkwan demanded, and Rae squinted. How the fuck could that be a hard question? You were thinking about questions to do yourself, but your mind was blank, only being replaced by eventual images of Kim Mingyu that would randomly pop out with no previous warnings. 

“Did he do anything to annoy you?” You finally asked, shaking the mental image of Kim Mingyu in his pair of jeans and with no clothes on that was coming back no matter how hard you tried to dismiss it. DAMN. THIS FUCKING MAN. Seungkwan nodded.

“Was it something he said?” Raena asked, and Seungkwan denied promptly, waving his head from one side to the other with his eyes shut. “So… It was something he did…” She concluded and Seungkwan nodded. “Ok. Now it’s with you, champ. Can’t dig any more than that without context.” 

Kwanie nodded again, looking around and preparing himself to vocalize the thing he had been trying to not think about for the past day. He had been ignoring Vernon ever since it happened, so scared to let that situation get out of control that he ended up making the situation get completely out of control. “Vernon k-ki… k-kissed me. And I kissed him back. On my birthday. But I don’t… I don’t know…” 

Your mouth dropped. You had been so focused on your own problems you missed all the cues Seungkwan had given you for the past week. The way he kept caressing Vernon’s cheeks, the way they were together all the time, the way he angrily said that friends to lovers was his least favorite trope and how Vernon walked right out of there, the way he was constantly asking you to do something just the three of you but you kept denying because of such silly problems that they weren’t even worth to mention… This man was dying to tell you about him, he was dying to ask for help, and just like for the past three years you forgot to look around you. 

chapter nineteen - old scars

January 16th, 03:32

After dragging himself across the saloon to take the last red cup that was tossed on the ground, Rugel greeted the last two people left on the pier: Hansol and Seungkwan. The latter insisted that Vernon should just go to sleep, that he didn’t need to help Seungkwan out with all the cleaning - which could not be left for the following day because, of course, Kwanie had planned many fun activities for his birthday. Vernon, on the other hand, was set on helping the birthday boy out, collecting every piece of trash he could find and taking anything slightly heavy from Seungkwan’s hands before he could lift any sort of weight. It was his birthday, afterall. 

“I just have a few things to put away, Vernon, you can go to sleep now if you’d like.” Seungkwan’s words were a bit slurred and his cheeks were crimson, but to Vernon he seemed very sober while uttering them. He was trying to portray himself as sober, Vernon knew as far as that, and he simply waved his head from one side to the other, promptly denying Kwan’s demands and continuing to do what he was doing prior to that disturbance. 

After a brief silence, Vernon decided to speak up, feeling his friend’s eyes burning on the nape of his neck for not doing as he was told. “I want to help you out, ok? Have I ever done anything I didn’t want to?” It was Seungkwan’s turn to swing his head, a small pout formed on his lips and his eyes partially closed while he did so. 

“No… It’s just… You know…” He kept wandering nowhere in particular while he said the words, and his hands were gesturing vaguely, stretching his long fingers to whichever direction was closer. “I don’t want to bother you. I can do this alone. I’m sorry” He explained himself and Vernon picked up the chairs around the table he was in, placing them on top of the others before approaching Seungkwan again. 

“You don’t bother me. Ever. Remember when you called me two in the morning asking if I was up on the day before my field trip? You didn’t even bother me then. It woke me up to speak to you until it was 5am and I left for the trip with energy - which I almost never have by the way.” He confessed, just staring at the boy in front of him, who had already forgotten about the main reason he was there: put everything together before morning came. “I love just being by your side, and I told you already to stop apologizing, you did nothing wrong.” 

Seungkwan’s ears turned as red as his cheeks, and he could feel his whole body tingle from those words. He stopped a smile from emerging, afraid that anything he’d do would trigger Vernon the wrong way. He didn’t, however, have much control over his words, mostly because of his slightly drunk state. “You have to stop saying things like that. They make my heart flutter. I don’t like it.” 

“Well, I like it.” Vernon wasn’t much of a doer, he had always been a more observant kind of guy, the kind of person that felt dislocated from society and reality in some ways. Seungkwan made him doubt everything he knew about himself. There was this emerging explosion corrupting every bit of Vernon’s beliefs that he should just watch by, which made him give small steps towards the blond boy in front of him. Seungkwan kept retreating, but his eyes almost begged Vernon to keep chasing, so he never stopped, he always gave another step, hoping that soon enough Seungkwan would stop avoiding it. Avoiding them. 

“Why?” That was the first time Vernon found himself walking alone, with no step back from Seungkwan, just his confused gaze and a new willingness to listen to him. Vernon, who was always so ecstatic, saw a small crack on that door and just ran for it, afraid that Seungkwan would never let that opportunity arise again and close it for good.

“Because I like you. And I know you know I like you, so you can stop playing dumb everytime I do things like this.” He grabbed Seungkwan’s hands, feeling how cold they were. Seungkwan would blame the alcohol for this whenever he stopped enough to think about what he was doing, but he let Vernon hold his hand like he always did, and pulled him into a hug. “And you also know you like me too, that’s why you do things like this.” Inside his arms, Vernon said the things he had been keeping for so long. Seungkwan buried his face on Vernon’s neck, not caring if he would hear how loudly his heart was beating at that moment. Blame it on the Booze tomorrow. Say what you want today. 

Vernon’s hand went to Kwan’s chin, stroking gently that place, but Seungkwan’s conscience took over him, pulling one step away from the man next to him and saying what he’d been dreading all along: “What if it ruins our friendship?” Vernon sneered, and Seungkwan regretted his words, changing the subject almost immediately. “Talking about friendship, have you seen how close the ‘she’s my type now’ and the ‘i’m a prideful bitch and will pretend i’m not interested in him anymore’ duo are?” 

“Um-hum…” Vernon answered, making his way to another table, intending to collect the chairs from that side of the venue. Seungkwan started to get desperate by how dry Vernon’s words were. He was mad. He knew that for sure, but he couldn’t let that small rational part of him aside, even though his heart was aching with the sudden lack of contact he had caused by stepping away. 

“They’re cute, right? Last time I saw Mingyu looking at anything or anyone like that it was at that exposition from his favorite artist… What was his name again?” Vernon sighed, knowing that if he didn’t participate in Seungkwan’s desperate attempt of changing the subject, he wouldn’t shut up. That small window Seungkwan had open was slowly closing and there was almost nothing Hansol could do about it. Better late than never. He repeated to himself, uttering words that hopefully would take the conversation to where he was intending. 

“Yeah. I saw them dancing pretty closely today. I’m glad Raena meddled before they could kiss.” Vernon commented, seemingly over the previous conversation - at least on Seungkwan’s under the influence judgment - and hoping on his cue to change the subject. 

“Glad?! I almost went there to hit her. They like each other so fucking much, everyone can see it… I hope they get together soon. I hope that bitch that I call best friend gets over her attachment issues, because I really think this won’t be just a fling for Mingyu.” Seungkwan had already given up on cleaning, sitting on the nearest chair he could find and just staring while Vernon would finish what he was doing. 

“Yeah, glad. I could see them bonding a lot over the lake the other day, a kiss could jeopardize that in an instant… Maybe they should just keep it that way.” The way Vernon said the words was so innocent that Seungkwan didn’t realize the trap he was getting into. He opened his mouth wide, approaching Hansol enough to hit his arm once, pouting at his response and making Vernon raise both of his eyebrows, with a youthful grin forming on his lips. 

“Why worry about that now, if they could just live in the present? Their feelings are real right now, so why worry about the future and whether or not it will jeopardize anything?” Seungkwan bit his lower lip as soon as he heard himself. Fucking Hansol Vernon Chwe, he had set him up and Seungkwan fell for it like a duck. A victorious smile emerged on Vernon’s face as he held Seungkwan’s arm, preventing him from moving away again. 

“Do as I say, not as I do, right?” Vernon’s light brown eyes were glistening looking at Seungkwan’s, shifting from them to his mouth in such subtle movements Kwan wondered if it wasn’t just his imagination. “I like you, Seungkwan. A fucking lot. Right now.” 

“I like you too, Vernon. Right now.” It was everything that it took for Vernon to glue his lips on Seungkwan’s. 

(Present)

“Yeah, you fucking broke him, Raena.” Your voice made Seungkwan’s head come back to that place, leaving the memories from the night prior fade slowly. “Should we hit him or something? It’s been five minutes.” 

After Rae asked Seungkwan to tell them everything that happened, their friend entered an almost catatonic state, remembering vividly every bad decision and every wording he decided on using that led him to the moment that was making him so confused. 

“I don’t want to give details.” He finally spoke up, making you and Rae stop arguing about whatever nonsense you were at the time. “We kissed. You get the gist of it. Now just… fucking help me. What should I do?” The man before you was a wreck, and you actually wanted to help out that time. 

“Talk to him.” Both you and Raena said at the same time, which made them look at you deeply concerned. When it came to advice to the heart the only constant in your friendship was you and Rae disagreeing with how to proceed. Raena was a hopeless romantic, while you had had your share of disappointments to simply avoid getting in such a vulnerable position again. That was why it startled them hearing you utter the same words as your friend, and not something along the lines of “avoid him forever”. 

“What?” You asked them, turning your face into a frown from all the judgment you were receiving without them even listening to the rest of the advice. “Talk to him. Tell him your were fucking drunk and can’t remember shit. ‘Love, Rosie’ the shit out of him, tell him to not mention it ever again because you were so drunk you’re embarrassed. Make him never speak about it again. It never happened.”

Seungkwan sighed in relief. Yes. That was a good plan, you always had the fucking best plans ever to match with his already pretty much made mindset. Raena was the voice of emotion in that relationship, because both of you knew that being non confrontational and overly rational was not exactly the best thing to do all the time. “Good. Good. I like that.” Kwanie said smiling brightly, and Raena rampaged until she sat between the two of you. 

“NO!” She growled, shifting her gaze from your slightly embarrassed face and Seungkwan’s innocent one.  “God. You two!!” That was the angrier you’ve seen Rae so far, and maybe - just maybe - your solution came towards the wrong direction. Just maybe. You couldn’t be one hundred percent sure yet. “Seungkwan you are fucking in love with him, don’t just ‘Love, Rosie’ him. We watched that movie together… Remember how miserable Rosie was? Do you want to be miserable?” Raena knew damn well that anything she would propose something it needed to be a bit logical, otherwise the two emotionally constipated mother fuckers would just ignore whatever she was saying. 

“Relationships just mess things up, Rae. Eventually they leave and, one way or the other, you’ll end up miserable.” You counter argued. Raena was rooting for the ship that she and Jessica had been calling “Verkwan” since the S(eungk)wan Lake day. The way they looked at each other, the way they interacted… Everything made her believe that Vernon was, in fact, Seungkwan’s soulmate, and she wouldn’t let his emotional maturity of a five year old and your attachment to your old scars prevent her best friend from being happy.

“Not always. Not every relationship. Besides, getting hurt is a part of life. We grow out of it, you know?” She hissed, her curls were flying because of the cold wind that was blowing in your direction, but that didn’t make her piercing stare move an inch from yours and Seungkwan’s eyes. “So suck up your emotional baggage, learn from them and stop thinking that everyone will be like Michael and fucking leave you. Vernon and Seungkwan's relationship is not like that.”

“So mine was…” This wasn’t about you, you knew that, but it would be a lie to say that her words didn’t hurt you in some way. Seungkwan was quiet, observing the way that conversation was unraveling. 

Michael was your last serious boyfriend. After many people went in and out of your life, convincing you that nothing would ever stay, he made you think differently. He was kind, used to always say that you were the most beautiful person he’d ever encountered, he was warm and your parents liked him very much. You allowed yourself to talk about it for the first time: love. 

When he left one day without giving you much explanation you just accepted it as your fate: no one would actually stay after you called it love. At first you thought that the word was what scared them, but receiving his wedding invitation three months from that day made you realize that the problem wasn’t love itself, but you. Maybe you were just the one people should meet before finding love. Maybe love just wasn’t for you, and because of that you ran from it every time you could see it slowly approaching you to hurt you again. 

“No. I’m sorry. That’s not what I meant…” Rae realized she had just crossed a line you two hadn’t in a very long time. Bringing Michael up was a desperate attempt to convince Seungkwan and you, but he hadn’t been a topic in so long Rae almost forgot how hurt you got over it. Remembering how she would always find you in the middle of the night drinking a beer by yourself in the living room, and telling her that you were cursed, made her regret saying anything at all. 

“No. No. You’re right.” You spoke lifelessly, eyes lost somewhere in the lake and a faint sneer on your face. “I’m sorry, Kwanie. She’s right. I can’t help you out with this.” Seungkwan took your hand, but you smiled at him. “I was never actually happy with someone like that. Maybe this time you should just listen to Rae and I should just be quiet. You don’t want to end up scared of trying like me, right?” 

You got up. The silence was almost painful, but you kept a toothless smile on your face, pretending to be ok, hoping that you were ok. “I feel a bit tired now. I’ll just leave this to Rae, ok? I agree with her.” And with no response you left, letting the tears you’ve been keeping to yourself come out only when you were, as usual, alone. 

chapter twenty - keep you close

Your friends knew you enough to know that following you around was not a good decision. Rae, who was very open about her feelings and these kinds of things, hated this part of you because she always felt powerless. It made sense even for her that, whenever you had a feeling, you couldn’t verbalize any of it, and also that you needed time to process and understand what to do with the feelings, but when it was her who hurted you she just hated that she couldn’t apologize until you’ve already made peace with it. 

Nonetheless, she didn’t follow you. She saw you standing and walking away from them, striding blindly through a path that had become usual to you: through that rock path, climbing a few stairs, to the corridor, into your room, and straight to your bed. 

Crying never lasted, because rationalizing things always took such a big part of your self-loathing time that the tears would just evaporate into fuel to your - maybe a bit biased - self harming thoughts. Bringing Michael up wasn’t the best thing Rae could do to your mental health, since you had thrown those feelings and the disappointment inside a drawer in your mind where you would never have to touch them again, but you could clearly see that it was necessary to convince Seungkwan. That’s why you didn’t take her words to heart.

This was about Seungkwan, not you. You knew that, so it shouldn’t hurt that much, but it did. It did because usually suppressing things wasn’t very healthy - even though it was the only way you knew how to cope with pretty much anything. Maybe being the perfect child made you unsure on how to show weakness, and that would backfire anytime you’d feel anything, which made you raise a wall between you and anyone who wasn’t scared of facing them like you were. Them being, of course, the deepest and darkest parts of you that made you not perfect.  

Your face was buried into your pillow, but you were just lying there, doing the thing you dreaded the most: thinking about your life. A few knocks on your door made you lift your head, feeling a bit dizzy because of the lack of oxygen the position you were in was providing you. You hoped that not answering it would make the person go away, whoever it was. The lack of response in those kinds of situations usually meant what you hoped they would understand: there’s no one inside. 

There was no one inside, indeed, at least no one worth talking to, no one worth anyone's time at that point. You avoided your feelings not only because you felt shame, but also because sometimes they could be so stupidly strong that you would wish to be a robot, just not to feel anything at all. Just to not feel as pathetic as you felt at that very moment. So overwhelmed as you felt. 

“Are you back?” Mingyu’s voice was soft and you could almost see the smile he was giving while he said them. That innocent smile that he would flash your way whenever you were saying something that interested him, the kind of smile that made you feel like you - and whatever it was that you had to say - mattered. You smiled back, eager to open the door and, for a second, be able to think about anything else but that sweet man that was standing in the corridor. 

The bitterness of realization hit you when you stood up, professing words inside your mind that you have said many times before, and that you knew from experience to be the most utter truth: “He is going to leave too. Don’t get used to it.” Your intrusive thoughts reminded you. Everybody leaves, and the more you let those feelings flourish inside your chest, the more things would hurt when he did. 

You opened the door anyway, driven by an instinct that you assumed to be curiosity, and watched his smile turn into a worried look when he faced your slightly puffed and clearly unpleased expression. Before saying anything and without a glimpse of anything that could look like a warning, Mingyu wrapped his arms around you, making no questions and not doing anything other than holding you tightly. 

Your face started to get wet, and you realized that the damn tears that you thought had already been gone long ago came back. In a way you only did when you were alone, you started sobbing. The tears would come down like rivers, with no permission, but instead of pushing you away, complaining about the way you were wetting his shirt or saying things about how you shouldn’t cry, Mingyu just let you do it, tightening his grip whenever the shivers from your body would get so violent you thought you could fall apart from them. 

His warm skin, the soft touch and the way he was holding you like you were the most precious thing he’d ever had inside his arms made everything you’ve been bottling up emerge in a powerful wave of despair. Being jobless. Not knowing who you were anymore. Being so unlovable that even your best friends thought the same about you. Even the smallest of things, like that one time you stubbed your toe and your toenail almost fell, started to bother you once again, making your body expel those negative feelings in the form of tears. Everything you decided to compartmentalize once in your life rushed back into the surface in the form of those stupid drops that wouldn’t stop running down your face. 

Mingyu’s started to softly rush his fingers through your back, being the most silent you’ve seen him be so far. When did your body feel like that was a safe space for you? A space safe enough to bring all your emotional baggage out while you were so powerless and pitiful inside his arms? You felt pathetic, but that feeling only made you cry more, and as soon as Mingyu heard a noise on the corridor, he softly pulled you inside your room, closing the door behind him so that no one would see you this fragile. He imagined you wouldn’t like it. He wasn’t even sure if what he was doing at that very moment was something that you were comfortable with, but there was nothing else he knew how to do.

“This is scary.” You confessed, still letting Mingyu’s arms revolve around you, and his hands went to your hair, stroking it softly as he realized you would slowly stop crying. Your voice was choked up, but your impulse was to speak everything that you would usually keep to yourself. “I think I really like you.” The words left your mouth unintendedly, and realizing how dull they seemed by the inaccuracy of them caused a shiver to run through your body.

Mingyu’s heart flipped over with the sudden confession. He wasn’t expecting to feel this fired up from those simple words, but they made small bursts of energy explode through his body, while his heart pumped loudly on his chest. He opened his mouth to respond, but nothing seemed to truly express how he felt towards you. Would it be okay to say them at that moment? His grip loosened and made you regret your words.

You took his unresponsiveness to the thing you were most used to: unrequited feelings. It only made sense to you that Mingyu wouldn’t feel the same. He didn’t have many options on that situation and you were very good at the game you both played, so it could be assumed that you won him over, but little did you know that it would make this silly feeling stagger on your chest for someone who wouldn’t even consider hooking up with you at first sight. 

While the man before you tried his best not to dance like a moron to express even the slightest all the bombarding of feelings he was experiencing, you buried your head on his neck, standing on your tiptoes to do so, and choosing carefully your next words so that they wouldn’t express so freely the deepest feelings of your heart like your previous ones did. 

You didn’t want Mingyu to leave, you knew this much about the situation. “Like” wasn’t enough to describe how he would make your heart fumble inside your chest, that was also an undeniable truth.

“We should end this now.” You declared, feeling his body stiffen as soon as you did. Mingyu felt like you had clipped his wings as soon as he started flying, and it made no sense at all. How could you say you liked him and, at the same time, say that you should end this?

“What? Why?” He finally spoke out, feeling like if he didn't he'd be silenced for the entire trip. Mingyu was never a big thinker when it came to making decisions, but this one particular decision you made in such a rush seemed like it could be a little more thought out, especially because he didn't like the outcome of it. “Do I have a say in it?”

His face broke some part of you. He had held you by your shoulders, furthering away just enough so that your eyes could meet, and when they did you felt like a monster. He wasn't pleased with your one sided decision, but there was no doubt in your mind about that being the best approach to your situation.

“You do, if you’re agreeing with me.” It was the best decision. You were sure of it. You could be selfish this time in order to keep Mingyu in your life, couldn't you? He fuzzed his brows, pouting a bit, clearly displeased with your answer, but before he could protest, you decided to take control of the situation. “It takes two to tango, Gyu, and I made up my mind.”

“We are not tangoing, we are kissing.” His lips were pursed out and it made his cheeks puff, making him look adorable. Mingyu glued his mouth to yours, kissing you in a desperate attempt to dissuade you, and you cherished that small act, obstinate that it would be the last time. 

“But I like you. I want us to be friends for a long time.” Oh. You liked him as a friend. Mingyu felt bitterness all over his mouth. He misunderstood you once again. He thought he knew you enough by then, but it seems like he didn't afterall. You didn't like him like he liked you, and as much as Mingyu wished it didn't, that realization made him deeply sad.

He looked at you. There was so much going through his mind that his impulse was to simply hold you and not let you go until you gave up on that crazy idea. No words seemed enough, no words seemed good enough. On the other hand, Mingyu didn't want to lose you, and learning that his feelings were unrequited made him fear that any other movement towards what he actually wanted could make you run away, so he did something he could never do in the past, something that he would only do because you were the one making the proposal he hated the most in his whole twenty five years of life: give in.

“Ok. Friends, then.”

chapter twenty-one - good luck to us

“Either knock on my door or get the fuck out of here, you pacing from one side to the other is preventing me from resting, Kim Mingyu.” Seungkwan opened the door suddenly, startling the tallest a bit before he could even process what had happened. When the blond man’s words sank in, Mingyu looked him dead in the eye, knocking twice on the already opened door and making Seungkwan almost close it on his face. 

“It makes no sense, Seungkwan.” He said, walking inside of his friend’s room and ignoring the dirty look Seungkwan was giving him while he threw himself in his bed. The blond one closed his door, tossing his body on Mingyu’s side and waiting for him to explain whatever nonsense he was going on about. 

Seungkwan wasn’t in the mood to be anyone's support system, since he was also going through a small crisis at that very moment. He wasn’t, as well, in the mood to pester Mingyu until he said anything other than it makes no sense, so he soon came back to doing what he was doing before that overgrown puppy came in: thinking what he would do about Vernon and ignoring Mingyu’s presence in that space. 

He liked Vernon. A lot. He could never deny how crazy he was for that man, but the fear of taking the next step was consuming him in such a way that paralyzed him. Pretending that what he was doing was one hundred percent platonic and fraternal was his comfort zone, where he would allow himself to touch Vernon as he pleased with the excuse of them being very good friends, but since the kiss that was no longer possible. 

Losing Vernon didn’t seem to be an option either. He couldn’t afford that. He wouldn’t let that happen. Maybe Raena was, for the first time, right, and Seungkwan hated to admit it. Mingyu puffed beside him, but it was not enough for Kwan to bother asking him anything.  

“Seriously. I’m trying to understand it, but I can’t.” Mingyu tried once again, and it was Seungkwan’s turn to puff, raising his head and watching as Mingyu showed on his face that he was waiting for his friend to ask anything. Why didn’t he go to Seokmin or something? Christ.

“What? What can’t you understand?” He gave up, watching Mingyu lay on his belly and raise his feet like a fifteen year old about to gossip about their crush. He rested his head on his hands and his mouth turned into a pout while he whispered your name, so low that Seungkwan wondered if Mingyu really wanted him to listen to it or not. 

“It makes no sense. She was the one who wanted to kiss me first. She teased me. She said she liked me, so why does she say she just wants to be friends? That she wants to end it?” Mingyu started jabbering the words so fast that, had they not been friends for a long time, Seungkwan would’ve gotten lost amidst the phrase. He raised one eyebrow, and Mingyu pressed his lips against each other, realizing that he had done once more the only thing he shouldn’t - tell anyone about you and him. 

“End what?” Seungkwan asked amused, watching Mingyu almost fall out of bed trying unsuccessfully to evaporate from that bedroom and pretend he said nothing. Seungkwan’s smug face made everything worse, but ahem… he couldn’t take it back anyway, might as well just say what he had been storing in his chest and making it hurt like a bitch. 

“Our situationship.” He declared, watching carefully as Seungkwan's expression changed from teasing to curious. The blond man raised both of his eyebrows, hoping that Mingyu would continue it, and he didn’t need that much effort, as Mingyu didn’t wait for him to do anything else before continuing his monologue: “So we’ve kissed. And did other things. But she said ‘as soon as you walk through that door nothing happened’…” Mingyu tried mimicking your voice, which made Seungkwan giggle, but that didn’t make him stop. 

“... But she kept hugging me, and touching me in such a comforting way, and I don’t know, it makes me sick to not be able to hold her, it makes me physically in pain being in the room next to hers and not knock on her door and kiss her and just lay in bed with her and touch her soft soft hair. How can a person have such soft hair? She keeps saying it’s messy but to me it looks perfect all the time, it’s infuriating. And… and it makes no sense because she said she liked me. She acted like she liked me, then she said she liked me and that was the reason she wanted to stay just friends? Make. It. Make. Sense. Boo. Seungkwan.” He begged, and Seungkwan’s mouth dropped at the sudden confession.

Damn, Mingyu was not with a small crush on Kwan’s best friend like the latter had anticipated. No. No. He was in deep shit. He was as bad as Seungkwan was when it came to Vernon, and - for some strange reason - that made Seungkwan happy, because seeing Mingyu struggling with the exact same thing (or partially same thing) he was, and knowing what his advice would be, he knew for a fact what he wanted to do about Vernon. 

“She’s emotionally unavailable. Move on.” He said blatantly and Mingyu’s expression turned into the most heartbroken one he had ever seen. Seungkwan giggled loudly, slapping Mingyu softly on his arm. “I’m joking… But let me get this straight, she said with every single word that she liked you?” That wasn’t common for you. Admitting this kind of thing just indicated that, whatever Mingyu was feeling, maybe you were feeling it amplified. 

Mingyu nodded. “She said ‘this is scary’ and then something along the lines ‘i think i really like you’ and then dropped the friend bomb.” You were both so stupidly in love that it made Seungkwan sick that you were making this so hard for yourselves. Is that how people see me and Vernon? Kwanie thought to himself, imagining how pathetic he might’ve seemed for people who weren’t, as Raena would always put, emotionally constipated like you and him. 

“Ok. She really likes you. She has some… issues… with people not committing to her ever. If she said she liked you and then friendzoned you it means she likes you so much that she doesn’t want you to leave.” Seungkwan explained, and Mingyu felt life filling his chest, flourishing, felt the air turning cleaner, the day turning brighter, hope knocking on his door again. 

“I won’t leave. I don’t want to leave. Everytime I left her room I felt cold and…” 

“That was probably because you were naked, Kim Mingyu.” Seungkwan teased and Mingyu stuck his tongue out, unable to deny that very truthful phrase. “You should tell her that, not me. And like… make her believe it, don’t just say it. She’s… stubborn.” Kwan warned, seeing Mingyu starting to bite his cuticles like he would whenever he got slightly nervous. 

“How should I do that?” The older asked, watching his friend shrug and stand up from his bed, putting on his shoes and scattering his suitcase for a very specific shirt, one Vernon had gifted him on a random day, saying that he had remembered him with the shirt and - because of that - decided to buy him. That “random day” was also valentines day. 

“That’s up to you.” He answered. Seungkwan was determined: he wouldn’t let Vernon go because of his stupid fears, seeing Mingyu whine like a little boy made him sure he didn’t want Hansol to do the same, and that he also didn’t want to lose any more time. “I should go now.”

“Good look with Vernon, Kwanie.” Mingyu said, making Seungkwan stop midway and turn to him in complete shock. Have you said anything to Kim Mingyu? That little trai- “What? Jessica, Raena and I are the co-founders of Verkwan Shippers. I’m glad you’re jumping into this, Vernon really likes you, you know?” 

Seungkwan giggled once again. Of course you didn’t say shit, how crazy must’ve he had been to even consider this possibility. You were a loyal bitch. “Hope when you also take that jump you don’t fear the fall. Good luck to us, I guess?” Seungkwan asked, seeing a small fire lit up in Mingyu's eyes.

“Good luck to us.”

chapter twenty-two - walls down

“I seriously didn’t mean it.” Rae said for the twentieth time, and you just rolled your eyes behind your sunglasses. There were only two days left of the trip, and soon you’d have to deal with your current situation - jobless, aimless, maybe a bit sunburned -, but you kept pretending like that wasn’t a thing. I’ll cross that bridge when it comes to it. 

It was, to say the least, draining to keep avoiding Mingyu for the past few days, since he seemed to be set on talking to you whenever you were alone. That made you make up such lame excuses that you even wondered if you were actually good at lying in the first place. There were, in fact, many things you suddenly got bad at. Suffocating your feelings -  which used to be pretty easy for you previously - was also hard, and your heart kept loudly reminding you how fond you were of Kim Mingyu anytime he would approach. 

The schedule of the day was the pool party, but since that day where you had informed Mingyu that you two should remain friends, you didn’t get much sleep at all, unable to keep your mind shut for a split second, so you acquired the routine of waking up before everybody, walking a bit around the property and then waiting by the pool until anyone would actually wake up and keep you company. That guaranteed that you and whoever was your scapegoat for the day could keep your distance from Mingyu and his sweet eyes. 

Raena found you laying on a sun lounger, solving a crossword puzzle she had no idea where you found, and started apologizing like she had many times before. It had also been two days since the two of you had been completely alone like that. You, on the other hand, were already over it. Or, at least, over talking about it.

“Dude. Get over it. And pass me the sunscreen, I can feel my nose burning right now.” You asked, and she took the cream, tossing it your way and making clear that she was not pleased with your phrase, shoving her outraged expression in front of your eyes. 

“Don’t ‘dude’ me.” She nagged, making you giggle with the high pitched tone that she said the words in. Rae hated how fucking stubborn you could be, and she hated more the fact that she could never win in these kinds of situations. Ever since the last conversation you, her and Seungkwan had, you seemed to be avoiding every single person in that space. She wouldn’t see you during breakfast, you’d pass on the activities Seungkwan had planned using the excuse of being too sunburned to stay out, and would ignore any knocks on your door past seven p.m. “If you’re over it, why are you avoiding me?”

“I’m not avoiding you. Four letter word for wanting something so bad it hurts…” Rae puffed as you muffled “Ache!” while writing on the paper in front of you. You could be such a bitch sometimes, it was excruciating watching you avoid your feelings all the time. “Besides, you were right. I’m glad Kwanie took your advice this time, I saw him and Vernon being clingy yesterday, there was so much honey dripping from their eyes I almost puked. Oh! Gore!” You proceeded to write on the puzzle. 

“Fine. How have you been?” Rae gave up, and you finally took your eyes off of the small magazine-ish book on your hands, shrugging and smiling sheepishly at her. 

“You know… I’m a bit sunburned. See my red nose? I can’t touch it at all. How about you? Any news about Jessica?” Changing the subject to anything but you was your speciality, and even though Raena knew exactly what you were doing, she missed talking to you about anything at all, so she played her part for you not to shut her out again. 

“I am fucked. I can’t make a move for the life of me, everytime she approaches me I just… panic.” She confessed and you closed your crossword puzzle, finally interested in whatever she had to say. “You must drink today and work your ‘kiss her you fool’ magic that you always do when you are drunk enough, seriously.” She begged and you giggled. (B)ool Party: the one where we pretend to be on spring break and get smashed was the perfect situation for matchmaker drunk you to arise, so you agreed.

You missed talking to Rae so fucking much that you didn’t even notice other people’s presence until Seungkwan yelled at the two of you to go to the kitchen and eat before the party. It felt weird being in that crowded room after so long, and it was weirder to see Mingyu smiling at you so innocently, with his messy hair and sharp teeth, making you undone by the sheer sight of it. 

Smiling back at him was only necessary, but you didn’t expect his eyes to glimmer and his smile widen with this crumb of attention. You hated him. No. You hated how much you liked him, and how impossible it was to avoid these stupid feelings that would eventually push him away. Actually… you hated yourself. 

“Want me to cook you something?” Mingyu took your smile as a permission to approach, and you felt your insides crumbling with just the faint sweet smell that reached your nose as soon as he got close enough. Your heart was beating like crazy and you felt pathetic. Your head moved from one side to the other, denying promptly. 

“I’ll just eat some cereal, thanks Kim Mingyu.” You tried smiling again, but you couldn’t even convince yourself that it was a genuine one. However, it didn’t disheartened Mingyu even a bit, who simply agreed, taking the cereal out of the highest shelf and two medium bowls, placing them side by side on the table. 

“Ok. Get the milk then, I’ll eat it with you.” His smile was so warm it melted something inside of you. We must stay friends, so that’s something I have to get used to... his smile. You reminded yourself, doing as he said and pouring the milk inside the two bowls. You two ate in silence, and you thanked him for the company as soon as you finished, getting up to clean your bowl and getting the fuck out of there with the excuse of getting ready for the pool party. Mingyu murmured something, but you were so desperate to leave that you just ignored it, alongside the bit of curiosity that would always rise whenever he said anything.

The party started in no time, and loud music started playing from somewhere you couldn’t exactly pinpoint. As you made your way to the pool, you found Vernon and Seungwan midway. Vernon was carefully cleaning something off of your best friend’s face with his right hand while his left hand was intertwined with Kwanie’s fingers. You made the best effort you could to not be perceived, trying to not to burst their bubble, and because of that you took the longest path to the pool. 

You felt glad Seungkwan decided on giving it a chance. Vernon loved him, and he also loved Vernon, just a quick glance could make you notice how fond they were of each other. Vernon’s eyes would light up anytime Seungkwan showed up, and Seungkwan couldn’t hide a silly smile that always rose up when their eyes met. They were fucking adorable. Disgusting. 

The worst part of it was that it made you believe for a split second that things could work out like that between you and Mingyu as well. You hoped they could. You wished they would. Seungkwan’s and Vernon’s relationship made you wonder if you couldn’t be wrong just this one time. You knew you desperately wanted to be wrong. But you probably weren’t, neither wrong nor ready to make yourself vulnerable again.

Almost everyone was already at the pool when you finally got there, and Raena shoved two shots of a green beverage into your mouth without even asking anything. The liquid burned in your throat and you felt almost an instantaneous buzz from it. It was strong alcohol, you knew that much.

“Wingperson me!” Raena said with a big smile on her face, and you nodded, taking a third shot from her hands and drinking it promptly. You took her hand and made your way to where the rest of the people were dancing, starting to move from one side to the other and, to the best of your no-glasses-abilities, started scanning the place looking for Raena. 

“What are you doing?” Seungkwan approached the two of you, and you smiled at him in a way that made him sure you were already a bit drunk. You wrapped your arms around his neck and Raena’s neck, pulling them closer to you and swinging from side to side in a clumsy manner. 

“I fucking love you guys so much. You…” - You shoved your index finger on Seungkwan’s squishy cheeks before proceeding - “..are already happy, so I must make Raena happy now.” You declared, and Seungkwan giggled. “I’m wingwomaning the shit out of Raessica.” 

“Are you happy, though?” Seungkwan asked, stressing the word you and glancing quickly at Mingyu, who was with his gaze glued on you since the moment you stepped foot on that place. You first nodded, but then your head started shifting from one side to the other, denying.

“No. I’m a mess.” You quickly confessed, afraid of how blunt you had been about that. “But… I will be slightly happier when Raena kisses that damn ginger. Fuck, what is that? A slowburn 500k words fanfiction? I’ll cupid the shit out of them!” You answered. The small amount of alcohol in your body allowed you to take a quick glance at Mingyu, and you regretted it as soon as his eyes lingered on yours. Seungkwan followed your gaze, sighing almost at the same time you did. 

“Did you talk to Mingyu today yet?” He whispered, and you looked confused at him. Raena was close enough to listen, but she made the decision to pretend she didn’t, since she had no idea what that was about. You smiled half-heartedly, trying your best to pretend that it was genuine. 

“Of course. Why wouldn’t I? Oh gosh, look, there’s Jessica. C’mon my dear senpai, let me wingwoman you to your waifu.” Changing the subject was the best option, and getting Raena by the arm and ignoring Mingyu’s gaze was the best strategy you could find to avert Seungkwan’s questions and the stupid loud heartbeat coming from your chest. 

You approached Jessica dragging Rae with you. She was near the deepest part of the pool, chatting with Seungcheol, and you could see her eyes light up when you called out their attention to you and your best friend. Cheol moved swiftly to a place that made Jessica and Raena side by side, and you felt glad about how well he could read a room.

“Look who actually showed up.” Seungcheol teased you, receiving a middle finger in response, which made him giggle a bit. “If I was a little bit more soft hearted I would even say I kinda missed you, ya know?” He confessed, making you pout a bit and kiss his cheek in response. “But I’m not. So I didn’t.” He declared.

“Yeah, right…” You sneered, and Jessica giggled alongside Raena. That caught your attention to them again. You blinked at Cheol, and he grinned your way, knowing exactly what you were doing there. “Do you guys wanna play something?” You suggested, and Cheol promptly agreed, making Rae and Jessica nod their heads in synchrony. 

“How about this: We put a condition, and if it is met, we do a dare.” Cheol offered, and you looked at him confused. Alcohol made that sentence make absolutely no sense in your mind, and he rolled his eyes. “Like this: If you slap Seungkwan’s butt I’ll drink two shots at once.” He explained and you clapped excitedly. 

“Yes, yes, let’s do that. Is it on yet? I’m going to slap Kwanie’s butt.” You said, leaving them behind and doing exactly as you said you would, coming back with two shots, one in each hand, and making Seungcheol drink both one right after the other. You kept playing for a while, doing so many stupid things that mostly everyone joined the game, hoping to have as much fun as you seemed to be having. 

“Ok. My turn…” You said, looking around and noticing that no one had entered the pool yet. “Two birds with one stone, I’m hot as fuck”, you thought to yourself, smiling sheepishly at Raena and Jessica. “If you two…” Your index finger went from Rae to Jessica in a very drunk movement. “... Kiss, I’ll jump in the pool with my clothes on.” You declared, hearing a cheer behind you. Not because of your stupid dare, of course not, but because everyone was waiting for the damn day those two would finally make a move on each other. 

Rae’s cheeks turned pink, and it spreaded all the way to her ears. She turned to Jessica, ready to say that it was OK if she didn’t want to, but she was met with Jessica’s hands taking a small strand of hair off her face and gently placing her hand on her cheek before pulling in for a kiss. Seokmin’s loud scream was your cue to simply throw yourself on the pool, with your arms open and watching your friend grab Jessica’s waist on your way down. 

You felt a bit of a thermal shock when your hot skin was surrounded by the cold water, but there was barely not enough time for you to feel the water, as two strong arms grabbed you by your waist, pulling you up. That was how you found yourself inches away from Mingyu’s face, who had jumped in the pool to pick you. 

“Gyu, I was not drowning… I jumped.” You said, unintendedly dropping his nickname and feeling his grip tighten as soon as you did. He pulled you a bit closer, and you wrapped your arms around his neck. You looked up, noticing that everybody was still cheering on Rae and Jessica, who were far from your field of vision by that time. 

“I know. But I wouldn’t have another possibility to hold you like this if I didn’t jump.” He confessed, locking his eyes on yours. He was serious, and there was no trace of a smile on his face, only a burning fire on his eyes that kept dragging you in anytime you tried looking away. 

“We agreed on…” You started blabbing, but he moved his head from one side to the other. His hands were gently stroking your skin in such a familiar touch that made your whole body shiver. You shamefully drew yourself closer, letting yourself feel his sweet scent and his naturally hot body. You would blame the alcohol for it, but the wall you had built to surround yourself was so thin that his simple breathing blew the thing off, making you want to throw caution out the window and just kiss him right there.

“No. You decided and told me to do as you said.” He declared, coming close to your ear to whisper the next phrase: “Thing is… I was never very good at obeying blindly.” He left a small kiss on your neck. You had no idea if anyone had seen it, and at that moment you didn’t even care. You wanted him. You felt that word popping on your chest again. Love. And it got worse when he gently stroked your face and said the next phrase: “I really like you too, you know?”

“Stop it. You’re making me wanna do something stupid…” You begged, unable to bear the loud beating of your heart and the knots on your stomach. 

“Just because it’s stupid doesn’t mean it’s wrong…” He said before finally closing the gap between you two, and you were sure the loud cheer you heard afterwards wasn’t because of Raena and Jessica. Feeling his lips made you forget about self preservation, at least for that time. You wanted to have him just one last time.

chapter twenty-three - resolve

As soon as your eyes opened they met a sleeping Mingyu. Light was coming inside your room through a small crack on the curtain, making it easy to observe the sight right in front of you. His mouth was parted as he breathed slowly, his chest would lift until it would almost touch you, and suddenly retract again. His hair was a mess on the pillow, with few strands lost on his forehead and most of it pulled up, probably by his own hand while sleeping. His arm was resting on your waist. There was no pressure in it, as if he was just keeping it there in order to make sure you didn’t move, that you wouldn’t leave. That forsaken word flooded your heart once again: love. 

You sighed loudly, and that made Mingyu start munching air, and his arms reached out to you, wrapping around your body and pulling you closer, placing your head onto his chest and pressing his lips on the top of your head in such a subtle movement you truly believed it was just a sleepy reaction. 

Mingyu was so warm that you felt like you were melting into his arms, so you just closed your eyes shut, cherishing what you had promised yourself would be the last time you could touch him like that again. You ran your fingers through his bare skin, desperately trying to memorize his back with your fingertips, and took a deep breath, feeling his sweet scent inebriate your senses so that you could keep stroking his arms without guilt.

“Are you awake?” Mingyu’s voice was deeper and raspier than usual, indicating that he had just woken up, and you stopped moving your hands suddenly, hoping that he would believe that it was - like he had just done previously - an unconscious movement you did while sleeping. You remained static even though you wished to protest when he pulled a little bit away from you. 

When his hot breath reached your face you almost flinched, but were still able to hold it together. His proximity was very sudden, but you were resolute in pretending to be asleep and postpone the conversation you would need to have as soon as you weren’t anymore. That was, of course, until he glued his lips to yours, which made you open and widen your eyes, taken completely by surprise with that movement. You found him smirking at you, and as soon as you pouted he let a small giggled escape from his throat. 

“Yes. I’m awake.” You answered as if you hadn’t just pretended to be asleep five seconds ago. Your shameless response made Mingyu giggle loudly this time. He couldn’t help but to find every single thing you did adorable. With a silly smile on his face he closed his eyes, giving you another kiss while you were still stuck in his arms and being reciprocated by your fist hitting his arm and another pout on your face when he opened his eyes. “Kim Mingyu, we agreed…” 

“No, we didn’t. We’ve been through that before, you decided by yourself and hoped I would agree with the terms.” He nagged, sitting in the bed and glancing at you. His eyebrows were pinched and his lower lip started to stick out as he tried his best to hold the pout that was forming on his own mouth. “Thing is… I don’t agree. Can we talk about it before making any decisions? I’d like you to hear what I have to say.” Mingyu asked with a rather imposing tone in his voice, contrasting with the words that were coming out of his mouth. 

This wouldn’t work out. It never did. You knew it, you had been through that before. So what if he liked you? It would fade, it always did, and this time the fall would be too hard for you to take and to put yourself together again. You had no job to bury yourself into in order to forget, you had nowhere to put your energy. “Talking won’t change anything, Mingyu… This is just a crush, let’s…” You started mumbling, using your best lawyer voice to try and convince that man that you two should remain friends. 

“A… crush?” He was livid. How could you not understand that he was burning like a flame just by the sight of you? How could you not feel how much he wanted you and how physically in pain he’d get every single time you made him leave your room? The thing was he wasn’t going anywhere anymore. He wanted and he would stay as long as your stubborn ass would have him. Hopefully forever. “Listen, I won’t leave ok?” He snapped, running his fingers through his hair and throwing the strands behind. Why couldn’t you simply understand that he wouldn’t let you go? He didn’t want to. He couldn’t. Just thinking about it made his blood boil. “I…”

“No, Mingyu. You should leave.” You said emotionless. Your heart couldn’t take this anymore, any other word from that man and you’d abandon all of your self preservation and just throw yourself into this messy feeling. That couldn’t happen. “Leave my room now. And when you walk through that door we will forget everything that happened here. Like always. It’s my choice.” 

“You should tell her that, not me. And like… make her believe it, don’t just say it. She’s… stubborn.” Seungkwan’s words rang through Mingyu’s head. Stubborn was not even close to the resolution this woman in front of him had, but unlucky for you, he was just as stubborn when it was about something he really cared, when it was about something he truly loved. “Hope when you also take that jump you don’t fear the fall.” That memory made Mingyu smile, a small smirk showed up on his face and you shivered with the thought that maybe, just maybe, you were too harsh and now you ruined not only that… thing… the two of you had, but also the so wished friendship. 

“Ok.” Mingyu said bluntly, and you felt your breath vanish for a second. Fuck. This hurt more than you expected. Him giving up hurted much more than you could have anticipated. “As soon as I walk through that door I’ll just forget every single thing that happened here.” He said, pointing through your room’s door while getting up, and you took a deep breath, nodding your head so slowly that not even you were sure about your determination anymore. “Fine.” 

Your mouth dropped when you saw him walking towards your balcony as soon as the last word left his mouth. Tumbling from bed you followed him, too stunned to speak anything and, once more, unable to understand what on earth was going on through that beautiful head of his. 

“What… are you doing?!” You watched him tremble from head to toe as he approached the rail from your balcony, but he didn’t flinch, he just kept walking until his hands were testing out the firmness of that piece of wood. “Mingyu? What are you doing?” You asked again, but there was no response before he lifted himself up and stood on the rail. 

“AH SHIT.” He screamed, hands still shivering and head glued on the ground before him, where he was pretty sure he could fall and die at any given moment now. “You…” He started stuttering, his stupid fear of heights taking the best of him. “You said… that… when I… FUCK FUCK HOW THE FUCK DO YOU DO THAT?” He looked down again, letting a squeak out before grasping the rail with both of his hands and stabilizing his body before continuing talking to you. “You said that when I leave through the door I have to forget everything, so I’m not fucking leaving through your stupid door. I FOUND A LOOPHOLE.” He screamed the word you had taught him you hated in one of your many conversations about law with a childish smile, and you simply didn’t know whether to laugh or curse him. Why the fuck was he going the extra mile for a stupid crush? 

“Ok… ok…” He said mostly to himself, standing up again, and you could see not only his hands, but also his knees shaking. “I can do this… I can do this…” Mingyu checked the height he was in and another loud squeak was verbalized before the words “I can’t do this.” He turned his gaze to you as he grabbed the rail one more time, looking you up and down. You were flabbergasted.

“Gyu, you don’t have to…”

“There’s no fucking way in hell I’ll let you leave me. I’m fucking jumping. Just… just wait a bit, ok? Give me a second.” His voice was squeaky and you took a deep breath in order to not simply cackle with the scene unraveling in front of you. Fuck that man and the way he could make you fall in love with him by being a fucking coward. “Ok. I’m going… I’m… I’m going. Now.” He squatted again, saying something to himself that you couldn’t hear, and then standing up again. 

“AAAAAAAAAAH… SHIT!” You almost couldn’t believe your eyes as you saw that six foot man throwing himself to his own porch, screaming so loudly that you were pretty sure that if someone was still sleeping before that, they weren’t now. You saw him touching every single bit of his body, making sure he landed in one piece, and panting while he did so. “I fucking did it. YA! I DID IT!” He smiled proudly at you, raising both of his arms and you smiled back. 

“Are you fucking stupid?” You asked giggling, and his smile dropped right away, as he approached the rail from his own balcony, trying to be as close as you as possible to say the words he was about to utter for the first time in his entire life. 

“No. I’m fucking in love with you, that’s what I am.” And just like that you were the one shaking, not him anymore. Love. He said it. He used that word. You stared blankly at him, and he took it as a permission to continue blabbing until you would give up on that stupid “just friends” idea. “A fucking crush? Are you out of your mind? I can’t stop thinking about you for any single second of the day. Yes, I am stupid. I was stupid when I said you’re not my type. You are totally my type. In fact, you are all that there is to my type, no one else fits it but you. I’m hopeless. I never felt this way before and it makes me feel dumb. I’m stupidly in love, yes. So stop being scared that I’ll leave you and please, for fuck’s sake, please, don’t you leave me as well, ok? I don’t think I can handle it.” 

Your breathing started to get uneven as his words started clouding your mind. It never occurred to you that the possibility of Mingyu being feeling the same things as you were real, and now that he had just blurted all those things you simply couldn’t process reality as it was. “W-what?” Was the only thing you were able to verbalize, and Mingyu rolled his eyes, and started to speak loudly, as if your difficulty in understanding was because you didn’t hear him properly, and not because of the amount of information he had just thrown your way. 

“I. Love. You. I wanna spend every single day of my life listening to you talk about snakes and explaining to me the difference between civil and common law. I want to wake up and get out of the room with you and make you breakfast, you can repay me with kisses, I don’t mind, I’m a better cook than you anyway. And I want to hold you in front of people, I want to fucking scream right now that I am completely, utterly and hopelessly in love with you. I want to fucking go back in the past and hit on you on the bar the first time we met so that we can have more time together. I want to hold you and never let you go. I want you so bad it’s driving me mad. And I know you want me too.” A silly tear ran down your chin, but you weren’t completely sure about why and how it got there. Mingyu was looking at you hopefully, and you couldn’t help but to smirk. 

“Wow, that’s… very presumptuous of you to assume.” You commented on his last declaration, and you saw his mouth drop in awe. In less than a second you pulled yourself up the rail: “Catch me.” You asked him, jumping directly to his arms. He grabbed you as tight as he could, preventing you from touching your feet on the ground, and you simply wrapped your legs around him. “You’re lucky that you are absolutely correct.” 

The bright smile that painted his face looked like the sunrise. Warm, but not blinding. Beautiful in every aspect. Something you could stare for as long as people would let you. “I fucking love you, Kim Mingyu. Loving you is the stupidest thing I’ve done this last month… and I quit my fucking job… But I don’t want to regret it anymore.”

“Yeah. Fuck, Mr. Ludovich.” He grinned, and you giggled. 

“Not that. My feelings. I don’t want to regret feeling like this anymore. Dumbass.” You stuck your tongue out, but he took the opportunity to give you a small peck on the lips. Your eyes got so small from the large smile that showed up on your face that you almost couldn’t see. “Sorry for… being stubborn, I guess?” 

“I’ll forgive you if you forgive me for telling everybody about our secret relationship later on dinner…” He raised his eyebrows and smirked like a delinquent, but you just kissed him and took your legs off of his waist, standing up without moving away from him. 

“What secret relationship? Neither of us walked through the door…”

epilogue

Every eye of the table was turned your way as you raised your glass in a slightly drunk but very happy toast. Almost everyone was there. Seungkwan was not holding back his tears as you thanked him for all his support. Raena was squeezing Jessica’s hand so hard that, had you not been too happy, you’d scold her for it. Your old friends and your new friends were all there, cheering for you as you finally reached a point in life you dreamed about for so long. 

“... The last year was far from easy. The path I had chosen long ago finally opened itself to me, and I could never have the courage to pursue it if it wasn’t for each and every single one of you sitting in front of me right now. Apart from Minghao, of course, you judgemental bitch.” A loud cackle erupted on the table, as Minghao stood up and made a small courtesy bow. He was, in fact, one of the biggest reasons for you to stand there at that moment and he knew that. 

After getting into the Photography Major, Minghao, who was also in the same area, would often help you with works, give hints and critiques to your pictures and, overall, help you mold your style to the way it was currently. He single handedly chose almost every picture you had exposed that day on your first exposition, and was the reason why it was so successful. 

You finished your toast, and the whole bar cheered alongside your friends, probably too drunk to do anything but to scream when somebody else would do it, and before you knew Raena was approaching the table with a tray of shots and a smiley face. 

“Look at that handsome man getting into the bar, he looks like he’s your type.” Seungkwan said slyly, pointing with his head to the tall man with honey skin getting into the bar with a lost gaze and furrow eyebrows. You winked at your friend, getting up and walking straight to the place he had pointed before. As you approached the entrance he smiled at you, showing his little fangs and scrunching his nose just a bit. 

“Hey, handsome. How about we… smooch smooch?” You asked with a juvenile smile and he giggled, putting his arms around your waist and leaving a small kiss on your lips. 

“I’m sorry, I have a girlfriend.” Mingyu said jokingly and you just kissed him back, thankful that he finally arrived at your post-exposition party. 

“You’re super late, you know?” You nagged, and you could feel him rolling his eyes back before taking his arms off of your waist and holding your hand tightly. 

“Babe, you know your mother loves me. It took me forever to take them home and convince her I should get going. Besides, I got to the exposition before you even got there, so if anything I was super early today.” Your mother insisted that Mingyu was the one to take her and your father home before going to the bar, and you knew for a fact that he was not exaggerating when he said he had to convince her that it was time for him to leave. Maybe your mother liked Mingyu more than she liked you, but you would never ask, you didn’t need that answer just yet. 

“Maybe you taking them was a bad idea…” You started making your way to the table where Seungcheol was throwing back not only his shot, but the one that was right in front of your chair while Raena scolded him for it. 

“Sometimes we need a bad idea.” His tone was mischievous and you couldn’t help but to look at him and see his expression, like a child who had just done something terrible and wanted you to find out. “For instance…”, he let go of your hand, reaching out to his back pocket and taking something out of it. “... I was able to ask your parents if it was ok for me to do this, and your mother loved the place by the way.” 

“P-place?” You were confused, trying to peek at whatever was in his big hands without much success. Mingyu simply nodded, opening his fist slowly and showing you a pair of keys. 

“I was serious when I said two years ago that I couldn’t stand being away from you. Let’s move in together. The place has the porch you wanted and I bought some allergy medicines so I can survive being around the cat we’ll adopt.” That man wasn’t real. He couldn’t be. That love couldn’t be real as well, everything was just so easy with Mingyu that each day you found yourself more and more in love with him. You wrapped your arms around him and that clumsy man in front of you dropped the damn keys, but neither of you minded, neither this nor the loud cheer your friends gave without even knowing what was going on. 

“You are so fucking stupid. And I love you so fucking much.” You said with your head buried in his neck, and Mingyu giggled because of the soft touch of your mouth on his skin. 

“Is that a yes?” His puppy eyes looked at you hopeful, and you nodded your head.

“When was I ever able to say no to you?”

the real final notes (again)

i don't have much else to say other than thank you for reading if you got this far, i hope you can enjoy reading this fanfiction as much as i did writing it <3

let's see each other in my next work, shall we? :)

[shappobunny]

Stan Says Goodbye

I have never posted to tumblr someone pls tell me if it is abnormal to post a text this long.

Word count: 1764

____________________________________________________________

“Stanford, you can’t keep hiding away in that cabin forever. Ma’s memory is fading and she’s not going to be around for much longer. Don’t you want to say goodbye?” 

Shermie had left a million messages on the Shack’s phone. Each one a mirroring plea of the last call, begging Ford to come see their mother before she passed. 

But it was Stan listening to these messages, not Ford. He had no right to go see her.

The last time he had seen his ma, he had been hiding behind a curtain and a pillar at his own funeral. He nearly blew his cover when he saw her. Her hair was greying, and she was standing a little less tall than she used to, but it was her nonetheless. Those warm eyes that used to come down to level with him and the smile she would give him when she called him her special boy — all of that was the same. 

He didn’t think his mother would show up, not after ten years. He knew she had no way of knowing where he was, but he thought she felt the same way everyone else did. That he was the fuck-up of the family. The no-good son that ruined their one chance of having a better life. Who could think anything else? 

And now he had pushed her other son into a portal, forsaking him to some unknown world without knowing if he was alive or not. He couldn’t face her until he brought Ford back. 

He had to watch as she cried over his casket and it damn near killed him the way it broke his heart. 

But he had promised that day that he would bring Ford back soon and drag him along to ma’s house to show her that he was alive, and Ford was alive, and that they got along… Just like in the old days. They would sit in the kitchen and finally have tea with her — maybe even let her read their tea leaves once they were done. He would have saved Ford’s life and the family would gather again. For the first time in years, he wouldn’t be the fuck-up; he’d be his mother’s free-spirited Stanley. 

Things didn’t quite work out that way for Stan. As they usually didn’t. 

After 25 years he still hadn’t succeeded in bringing Ford back. After 25 years of sleepless nights and lonely desperation, he had nothing to offer to his ma in reconciliation. 

Now he was sitting on his couch pressing through message after message from Shermie begging him to come see her one last time. 

“Whaddya want me to do Shermie…” Stan muttered, folding forward to put his head in his hands. 

Did he want him to lie to his own mother on her deathbed? Or to tell her that her other son was most likely dead and gone somewhere they’d never even find his body? 

Stan wondered if Ford would have even gone to see her. The way he was the last time Stan had seen him, it was like the last thing Ford wanted was to see anybody. 

The phone rang again and Stan let it ring. The answering machine beeped and Shermie’s tinny voice came through the speaker. 

“Stanford I’ll be away from the city tomorrow to get a few things in order for ma’s funeral… You’ll get a break from my calls at least,” Shermie paused for a long while, and Stan thought that maybe that was the end of this call until he said, “She keeps saying your name, you know. Yours and Stanley’s… She‘s waiting for you,” he sighed. After a beat of silence, Stan heard the click of the phone hanging up. 

He couldn’t sleep that night. 

Stan watched the shadows of the pine trees dancing across his ceiling. What did his father used to say about the men in the Pines family? 

He closed his eyes and listened to the wind outside his window. He could almost hear the sound of gulls and the crashing waves of Glass Shard Beach. He could picture Ford, red from being sat in the sun all day scribbling away the plans for their boat. 

That Ford would want him to say goodbye to ma. 

In his memory, Ford smiled up at him as he ran over and they raced towards the waves, letting them pull out their little bodies to the water. 

Stan finally fell asleep.

The next morning he closed up the shop, and put on his cleanest suit. He wore Ford’s glasses, and found some six-fingered gloves lying around to slip on. Nothing fit quite right. The glasses were a little too loose, and Ford’s jacket was a little snug around the arms. 

Looking up in the mirror, he looked like his brother. 

When he got in the car he sat there for a long while. Not having the courage to turn on the ignition until the sun came at just the right angle to blind him. He finally began the car and started driving. 

What would he say to ma? What would Ford say? Probably something smart, and then he’d invent the machine that would save her life. 

That damn know-it-all, showing him up even in his own damn mind. If it weren’t for Ford trying to send him away 25 years ago, maybe they would have made up. Maybe they would have taken ma in when she started feeling unwell. 

Maybe Stan wouldn’t have to say goodbye to ma alone. 

Damn it. Was he crying? 

He wiped at his eyes with his sleeves, steeling his nerves so he could drive straight. 

He picked up some flowers at a shop down the street from the home she was in, and he checked into the home using Stanford’s name. Stan stood in front of her door for a long time, listening to see if anyone else was in the room. The silence was almost worse. He had no excuse to turn tail and run. He had to go in there and say goodbye to his mother. 

He knocked, a quick three raps. 

“Who is it?” His mother’s voice asked, as strong as ever. 

Stan smiled and opened the door. “It’s me ma, Stanford!” 

“Stanford?” She looked up at him from her spot on the bed, her eyes narrowed like she couldn’t see him quite right. “Sit down over here so I can get a good look atcha.” 

Stan set the flowers on her bedside and settled into the seat next to her. She was wrinkled and all grey now, but her brown eyes were still the same. 

“How have you been doing, ma? Shermie’s left me a million messages saying you’re on death’s door!” 

She smiled. “That Shermie can be even more of a nuisance than you are, Stanley.” 

Stan froze for a single second before smiling. “Ma you’ve got the wrong twin. It’s me, Stanford.” 

She reached a shaky hand to pat his. “Stanley you think I wouldn’t recognize my own boy?” She smiled. “You must think so little of your old ma.” 

He took a deep breath to compose himself. Her memory isn’t right, that’s what Shermie said. She’s just misremembering. 

“Ma Stan passed away twenty five years ago, remember?” 

It took everything in him not to choke on his words. 

“And Stanford didn’t show up at all?” She asked, raising an eyebrow. “You can’t scam your old mother, Stanley, I taught you everything you know. Stanford would show up at your funeral. That boy isn’t as cold as he thinks he is.” 

He couldn’t answer. 

His mother pat his hand. “Oh, there, there, sweetie.” 

It took him a second to realize she was comforting him because his vision had begun to blur. He felt the damp trail of tears on his cheeks as he took in a shaky breath. 

She tugged on his hand lightly so he would lean in, and he did. She put her arm around his shoulder as best as she could and gave him a weak squeeze. “Whatever fight you and Stanford have going on now, you’ll figure it out, sweetie. Ya always do...” 

Stan tried to stop himself from shaking so hard in his mother’s embrace but he knew he was failing. He held on a little tighter to his mother’s hand. 

“My sweet Stanley… You’ll figure it out.” 

“Ma what if he doesn’t come back?” Stan asked shakily. 

“Your brother is stubborn as a bull, he’ll come back just to prove you wrong.” 

Stan laughed at that and pulled away a little, to look into her eyes again. 

He missed her. So much. 

“Your breath is awful,” she said, grimacing. “Did I not teach you to brush your teeth?” 

Stan burst out laughing. “You don’t even have any teeth left, ma.” He didn’t want to tell her that he didn’t either.

“I’m on my death bed, what do I need teeth for?” 

A loud knock came at the door and Stan turned away, making sure to wipe his tears dry. He stood when the person entered. 

It was Shermie, holding a binder in one arm and a coat in another. 

“Stanford!” He said, his eyes widening in surprise. “You came.” 

Stan cleared his throat. 

“Uh… yeah, I couldn’t not come. It’s just been so… busy.” He tried to keep his voice low, hoping Shermie had forgotten what Ford sounded like at this point. 

“Well I’m glad you came,” Shermie looked over at their mother in her bed. “Aren’t you glad Stanford came by?” 

“Why would I be glad that this little brat ignored me for years just to say goodbye?” She asked gruffly. 

Shermie laughed. “Same as ever, ma.” 

Stan took the lighthearted mood as his means of escape. He began walking towards the door but took one last look back at his mother. 

She smiled warmly at him, her hands folded neatly in her lap. He wanted to burn this image of her in his mind, sitting tall and confident, reassuring him that things might turn out after all. 

When he found Ford, he would tell him about her on this day. How she knew without hesitation, how she made all of his loneliness melt away, and how she gave him the hope to finally bring him back. He would tell Ford that she loved them both until the end, just as much as she did the day she brought them home. 

Ford would cry with him 

“I’ll be back, ma,” he said with a smile. 

She winked at him before saying, “Doncha dare come back!”

[valend]

Just curious about your opinion! Do you think real historical Hamilton was queer?

Short answer- yes, Hamilton was most likely some level of queer

Longer answer- it’s complicated to say what the sexuality of any historical figure was after their death, especially if they didn’t label themselves outright. What makes this question even more difficult is the fact that the definition of what is considered queer or homosexual keeps changing. For example two men in an Ancient Greek army engaging in what we today consider homosexual acts was something completely normal back then. Now I’ll be real I haven’t researched homosexuality in the 1700s at all but from what I do understand Hamilton’s relationship with Laurens mainly would definitely be considered more intimate than ‘just friends’. People back then often used flowery language when writing to one another but the way Hamilton wrote to Laurens differs from the way he wrote to his other friends.

I really like the way Chenrow puts it in his biography.

When John C. Hamilton was preparing his father’s authorized biography, he omitted a loose sheet that has survived in his papers and that describes the relationship between Hamilton and Laurens thus: “In the intercourse of these martial youths, who have been styled ‘the Knights of the Revolution,’ there was a deep fondness of friendship, which approached the tenderness of feminine attachment.” Hamilton had certainly been exposed to homosexuality as a boy, since many “sodomites” were transported to the Caribbean along with thieves, pickpockets, and others deemed undesirable. In all thirteen colonies, sodomy had been a capital offense, so if Hamilton and Laurens did become lovers—and it is impossible to say this with any certainty—they would have taken extraordinary precautions. At the very least, we cansay that Hamilton developed something like an adolescent crush on his friend. (RC. p95)

The best way to determine whether Hamilton was queer is to look at his own letters to Laurens.

“Cold in my professions, warm in ⟨my friendships, I wish, my Dear Laurens, it m⟨ight⟩be in my power, by action rather than words, ⟨to⟩ convince you that I love you. I shall only tell you that ’till you bade us Adieu, I hardly knew the value you had taught my heart to set upon you. […] To excite their emulation, it will be necessary for you to give an account of the lover—his size, make, quality of mind and body, achievements, expectations, fortune, &c. In drawing my picture, you will no doubt be civil to your friend; mind you do justice to the length of my nose and don’t forget, that I ⟨– – – – –⟩.” -From Alexander Hamilton to Lieutenant Colonel John Laurens, [April 1779]

According to this post the words omitted by John Church Hamilton say “do justice to the length of my nose and don’t forget, that I <never spared you of pictures>” which could just be friendly banter amongst friends but again we can’t really be sure

“I have written you five or six letters since you left Philadelphia and I should have written you more had you made proper return. But like a jealous lover, when I thought you slighted my caresses, my affection was alarmed and my vanity piqued. I had almost resolved to lavish no more of them upon you and to reject you as an inconstant and an ungrateful ——.” -From Alexander Hamilton to Lieutenant Colonel John Laurens, [11 September 1779].

He was writing to Laurens in the same manner her wrote to his wife!!!

“I would invite you after the fall to Albany to be witness to the final consummation. My Mistress is a good girl, and already loves you because I have told her you are a clever fellow and my friend; but mind, she loves you a l’americaine not a la françoise.” -From Alexander Hamilton to Lieutenant Colonel John Laurens, [16 September 1780]

One of the most telling examples of Hamilton’s queerness he’s basically inviting Laurens to witness “the final consummation” between husband and wife but noting that Betsey loves Laurens in an “American” way (friendly) not in a “French” way (romantically).

Besides these very obvious examples, Hamilton often had very strong, often obsessive, attachments to other men. For example being jealous of John André and trying to prevent his execution. And you already know my thoughts on whatever psychosexual obsession he had going on with Burr, especially in 1800. I mean just look at this:

In short, I think it’s relatively fair to assume, applying modern terminology to older times, that Hamilton was queer

[ukulelevillainwrites]

Heist time

One shot

Warnings: swearing, spoilers for the empty grave sort of

Content: I used the characters from the show, but it’s set after the events of the empty grave tho it’s a tiny bit canon divergent. B99 Halloween heist for our favourite agents.

Summary: Lockwood and Kipps engage in another bet, only this one involves a heist.

Word count: 7.3k

This fic was inspired and triggered by this post

Quill Kipps believed that the longest, most excruciating moment of his life had been when he almost bled out from a stab wound caused by a relic man’s sickeningly rusted blade. But now that he thought of it, he sort of missed the cold and comforting embrace of the Other Side. If it were up to him, he’d cross over again in an instant. Anything to get out of lifting yet another heavy piece of furniture up the never-ending stairs of this damned house. Lockwood might have been satisfied with the new look he was giving his home, but Kipps’s back certainly disapproved of his decoration choices. His former rival and current part-time employer had taken the easy side of course and led the way up to his bedroom, the last piece to complete the Portland Row puzzle. How had his life come to this? He had asked himself this question countless times since he had more or less joined the agency. One day he was a highly esteemed Fittes agent, the next he was playing mover for his much younger boss, which was certainly not part of his job description. He almost tripped over the carpet on the landing but at least they had reached the final floor. Lockwood could find a way to fix the headboard of his new bed on his own, Kipps had already done enough.

“Quill?” Lockwood started, obviously about to ask him another favor.

“Nope. I’m going to get some tea, ask someone else.”

The boy didn’t insist. Well, he was eighteen now, but he was still a boy to him. He probably always will be. What happened next certainly confirmed his intuition. As he headed down the stairs to go put the kettle on, he caught sight of the worst prank he had ever seen.

“Are you serious with this?” He asked, detaching a frame off the wall.

“Oh, nice look out, Quill! This is obviously in the wrong place! I usually hang it along the first flight of stairs, where more people can see it.”

Lockwood took hold of the framed article. He didn’t look ashamed, not even a little bit. Instead, he smiled. A wide and proud grin that Kipps really wanted to punch off his face.

“This isn’t funny. You know how badly written that article is! It made me look like a total fool.”

“My point exactly.” Lockwood winked before passing him in the stairs.

“Here! This is much better!” He said as he hung the frame on the first landing of the house. Kipps wondered if he had done it on purpose to hang the article in the one spot where sun shone brightly to reflect in the glass and make it even more apparent than it needed to be. Knowing Lockwood, he probably did. But for a moment he considered if even divine forces were against him in this fight.

“Take it down. I thought we’d grown past this.”

“Well, obviously you haven’t.”

Kipps stayed silent for a moment. However childish Lockwood was, that pesky boy had still managed to get him right where he wanted. Fine. If he wanted childish, he’d give him childish.

“Take it down or I’ll do it myself.”

His light but somehow threatening tone had gathered a crowd around the landing. Lucy was intently listening to their bickering, apparently very entertained. Holly and George were standing by, not sure where this conversation was headed.

“I won’t let you.” Lockwood responded with a grin.

“It’ll be when you least expect it.”

“I highly doubt that.”

“Wanna bet?”

George audibly sighed at the offer. Kipps didn’t look away from Lockwood’s defying stare, but he could sense the researcher rolling his eyes behind him.

“What are the stakes?” Lockwood asked back, seemingly eager to humiliate him one more time.

“If I manage to steal that article before 6pm today, I get to burn it.”

“Interesting. I’m willing to agree to your terms,” he kept the attention of the room, voluntarily lingering before certainly overbidding, “but if I win, you have to call me the best agent/genius and wear a shirt with this very article printed on it for a day.”

“Are you really this childish?”

“You’re the one getting mad over a piece of paper.”

Kipps paused to consider the offer. How hard could it be to out-think his pompous and overconfident rival? Lockwood held out his hand for him to shake and without hesitating much longer, Kipps agreed to his terms.

As soon as he shook his rival’s hand, Lockwood could feel the cogs turning in his brain. Besting Kipps should be easy enough, but he wanted his plan to be extravagant. After all, when was he not? With a proud grin, he looked back at his audience. George seemed exasperated.

“What? This one doesn’t involve the future of the agency!”

It did nothing to relax him. Instead, he cleaned his glasses with a concerned frown on his face, like a disapproving parent disappointed in his son’s poor life choices.

“So, how are you gonna do it?” Lucy asked with much more enthusiasm.

“Well, you could always help me out, Luce.” He winked at her and enjoyed seeing her blush slightly.

“Hold on,” Kipps interrupted from behind him, “if you’re getting outside help, I should too!”

“I’m out!” George exclaimed, “I have work to do for that case coming up in two days. A case we should all get acquainted with, by the way.”

“I’ll help you out!” Holly volunteered, “Let the responsible adults win for once.”

“I will allow no such courtesy.” He declared. “Now, time to strategize.” He grabbed Lucy’s hand and lead her towards his bedroom to discuss his plan behind closed doors.

He didn’t register the inherent intimacy of such a gesture until he saw Lucy lingering near the door, unsure where to sit. The desk was still lying in pieces on the floor, his office chair was downstairs, the headboard was resting sideways against the dresser and the only available seat was the bare mattress resting on the bed frame, the one piece of furniture he actually got around to building. Awkwardly, he signed her to join him behind his dresser that was acting as a protective sound barrier. Hopefully, the chest of drawers would keep Kipps and Holly from hearing anything in case they were trying to eavesdrop.

“Is this really necessary?” Lucy asked out loud.

He brought her near and whispered, “You can never be too careful.”

Besides, he would be lying if he said it wasn’t a good opportunity to stand closer to her. His hand didn’t leave her arm while he explained his plan.

“I need you,” he locked eyes with her and closed his hand around her forearm, “to take care of Holly while I distract Kipps.”

“That should be easy enough, how do you want me to proceed?”

“How good are you at making a mess?”

She smirked. “Good enough to drive Holly insane. What about Kipps?”

“Oh, don’t worry… I’ll get him to leave the house.”

He sent her a knowing smile and she looked back at him with a warning stare. He knew she would object to part of his plan, but she wouldn’t get mad over something so insignificant. Besides, she looked adorable when she gave him that look.

During her years at the agency, Lucy had become more than familiar with Lockwood’s tricks. She knew them so well that she could guess which ones he would use before he said it out loud. She even called some of them her own now. This experience also gave her enough hindsight to know that she shouldn’t get her hopes up. Every attempt Lockwood had made at costumes and disguises had failed horribly. The future of the company wasn’t at stake here, which was a relief. But she had already taken to the game, even though it had barely begun, and her competitive side was showing.

“Please, don’t do an accent.”

“Come on Luce! Don’t you have a little faith in me?”

“Only a little…” She mumbled teasingly. She was lying of course. She knew that he would find a way to make it work somehow. He still hadn’t let go of her arm and brought her closer. She felt flustered. She wasn’t used to this proximity yet. His eyes dropped down to the necklace that never left her neck and he smiled softly.

Suddenly, a thud knocked against the door, revealing the anticipated eavesdropping of their competitor. With a grin, Lockwood offered her his arm before heading towards the door and opening it in a dramatic swing. Kipps did his best to discreetly stand up straight and look like he was casually checking out one of the books on the nearby shelf.

“How about some tea to set the start of our bet, Kipps?”

Lucy felt bad for him. Sort of. He was clearly running out of excuses. He mumbled under his breath and led the way down the stairs with a defeated gait.

“I’ll prepare the mugs.” Holly declared, following closely behind him.

Lockwood and Lucy grinned at each other before joining them, ready for the first part of their plan.

They were sipping in silence. Each of them eyed the other over the freshly poured mug she had handed them. Lucy and Lockwood kept throwing side glances in the other’s direction and Holly couldn’t tell if it was just them being them or if she should be on high alert for heist-related shenanigans. She knew the point was to have fun. She knew the rivalry between Kipps and Lockwood wasn’t really relevant anymore. But it did little to prevent her from keeping a professional and watchful attitude. Old habits die hard. After another stare-filled silence, Lockwood put back his mug on the Thinking Cloth with more noise than necessary. He announced that he had some work to do and winked at Lucy in a very unsubtle way before exiting the room. Something was up, that much was clear. But what was he planning? Before she or Kipps could object, Lucy spilled the content of the honey bottle both on Kipps and the floor.

“Oh no Kipps I’m so sorry!” Lucy apologized. She talked loudly and there was an edge to her voice. This was a distraction and Holly knew better than to get caught up in it. She stared at the basement door, sure that Lockwood would try to sneak back upstairs in the commotion. She tried to stay focused but out the corner of her eye she saw Lucy approaching Kipps’s stained sweater with a tissue. She could already picture the bits of white paper sticking to his ruined clothes and the frustration in his brow. He did care a lot about his black turtleneck.

“Lucy, no! Stop! Start by scraping the excess honey then use dish soap.”

The girl took her jam-covered knife, loosely scraped it on the side of her plate and was about to make matters worse.

“No! Forget it, I’ll do it.”

She got up, and before she could attend to the sticky stains George came in with a call for Kipps. The room fell silent when he answered.

“Wait, who is this?”

He seemed perplexed. George went back to the library undisturbed, and Lucy jumped up to reach for the dish soap. Oh no. She wasn’t going to… Before Holly could react, Lucy covered Kipps in dish soap, making him jump up and walk into the pool of honey formed on the floor by the spill. He shrieked as he almost slipped and Holly couldn’t help her high pitched scream at the mess.

“You told me to use dish soap!” Lucy justified.

“Not like this! Is this your first day being alive?”

Kipps gestured them to shush but apparently the caller had hung up. He set the phone on a spared corner of the table, looking down at the mess.

“What did I do to you, Carlyle?”

“I’m… sorry?”

“A very touching apology, thank you! Well, apparently there’s an emergency staff meeting at the restaurant I work at… whatever that means. I guess I should go.”

“Please, don’t make a trail of honey around the house, it’ll take forever to clean up!” Holly said, already dreading the hours of cleaning ahead.

Kipps nodded and exited the room with his shoes in his hand. He gave her a weird look before leaving. “What about the heist?” she thought. She looked back at Lucy’s fake sorry look and before she could scold her, Lockwood came back up.

“What’s all this noise about? Oh, Holly, you’re doing that thing with your face again.” And then he smiled, his usual wide charming smile like he was a perfect angel who had never done anything wrong. Whenever she got stressed out, Holly had this unconscious habit of furrowing only one eyebrow, giving her face an asymmetrical tension that made the two idiots next to her laugh occasionally. A giant, impossible to clean, sticky puddle of honey was more than enough to stress her out. She did not laugh at his remark and he toned down his gigawatt smile.

“I’ll be with George working on our next case, if you need any help.”

No. He wasn’t getting away that easily.

“I know what you’re doing.”

“Working?”

“Who do you think I am, Lockwood? The fact that you thought this would work is seriously offending.”

“You can come watch me work if you want.” He asked with the same grin.

“Yes, Holly, you can go. I’ll clean, it’s my mess after all.”

At least, she was acknowledging it. She turned around to follow Lockwood into the library when a glass hit the floor, breaking into a thousand little shards most likely wedged in honey or hidden in unattainable corners. She shut her eyes tight, annoyed but also impressed at how easily they had played her.

When Kipps arrived back at the house, he already knew what he was going to find. A stressed-out Holly, a proud Lockwood and a missing frame. At least he wasn’t covered in honey anymore. His rival hadn’t been too discreet about his ploy. He had recognized the boy’s voice through his horrible accent when he had picked up the phone. His sudden disappearance and Lucy’s exaggerated efforts to mess with his favorite turtleneck only confirmed his suspicions. He wasn’t too offended by the simple and frankly idiotic way they had used to get rid of him. At least they felt threatened enough to need him gone before attempting anything. 

When he crossed the door, he didn’t even go upstairs to look if Lockwood had bothered to replace the frame with a fake. He headed straight for the kitchen to relieve Holly from the work she was certainly still attending to. Lucy and Lockwood were nowhere to be found, probably too busy celebrating to keep an eye on their prized possession.

He found his partner in crime trying to get the honey out of the multiple sponges she had used. The floor was spotless, but now the mess had been moved to the sink. He came to stand next to her and looked out the kitchen window to surveil the garden at the back of the house. She turned and apologized for having been so easily distracted. She was ashamed of how simple it had been to sidetrack her. Kipps said nothing. After a minute or two of pensive silence, Holly asked if he was upset, worried she had messed up his plans for good.

“You did a wonderful job.” He simply offered, the shadow of a smile forming on his stern face. She looked back at him with a frown.

“What do you mean?”

“I knew it was Lockwood’s plan from the start.”

“And you let him get away with it?”

“Are you familiar with the Hungarian fencing term ‘husszú görcs’?”

She sent him a look to let him know how pedantic he was being. He knew that already, he just couldn’t resist.

“It’s a strategy-”

“Of letting your opponent win points early to give them a sense of overconfidence thus exposing a much easier target for you later.” Holly finished.

He stared at her in stunned silence.

“I was an agent at Rotwell remember? And our fencing coach was Hungarian.”

He had trouble hiding the thin smile slowly twisting his lips. Even though she took away his moment, he was incredibly grateful to have her on his team.

“Now the real question is: how do you know where he hid the frame?”

He lifted an eyebrow and looked back at her with a smirk.

“Oh. Right. Lucy.”

They looked back at the garden in unison. There were two things that even a stranger could figure out about Lockwood by just looking at him: he had too much confidence and he was head over heels in love with Lucy Carlyle. This specific girl happened to have done a lot of gardening in the last few weeks, planting flowers in the back garden, which made for a perfect hiding spot in the turned soil.

“How do you know for sure he hid it there?”

“I have eyes everywhere.”

They stepped outside and a small shadow emerged from the apple tree at the end of the garden. Bobby Vernon had stayed loyal to Kipps even after his humiliating demotion by Penelope Fittes. Or should he refer to her as Marissa now? He was grateful for the boy’s admiration and even more grateful for his help.

“Is that where he hid it?”

Bobby nodded. “Just like you said he would.”

The three of them stayed out of view from the windows and approached the new patch of purple and yellow pansies freshly planted last week. Kipps took the lead, crouched down and looked around in the dirt, trying not to disturb Lucy’s recent work. Lockwood wouldn’t have been so careless as to mess up her gardening for the sake of a bet. He must have hidden it somewhere he could disturb without risk. The three of them crawled out of sight to the next empty lot where the soil had been turned recently.

“That’s where I saw him.” Bobby confirmed.

It didn’t take much digging to reach the white plastic bag sticking out of the dirt. Inside sat the frame and its perfect example of bad journalism.

“Thank you for your time, Bobby. That’ll be all.”

He dismissed the boy, hid the frame underneath his sweater and asked Holly if she wanted to keep the bag. It was covered in soil but she had the habit of keeping every plastic bag they used since it could ‘be useful still.’

They were surprised to see George back at the Thinking Cloth, scribbling away something probably regarding the upcoming case.

“I thought you were working in the library?” Holly asked innocently.

Her tone was far too conspicuous to Kipps’s taste. It was obvious they were hiding something. Karim would figure it out instantly. He nonchalantly bent slightly over, hunched over the frame to try to hide its shape under his clothes. A sudden pain in his lower back reminded him of his labor earlier that day. It also made him realize that he must look ridiculous. The bet was messing with his head. But he’d need to stash the article somewhere safe before letting his guard down.

George asked Holly further details on the clients’ rendition of the events, what they had described precisely on the phone to get a better idea of what they should be expecting in the coming days. Her professionalism took over, she sat down at the table and took out a notebook he didn’t realize she had with her this whole time. Kipps used the distraction to slip out as discreetly as possible. He checked on Lockwood through the library door ajar. He could see why Karim had preferred to move back to the kitchen. They were lying down on the couch, sharing one magazine, tangled together under a blanket. Lockwood seemed to be reading the article out loud, Lucy staring at him starry-eyed. He had to admit that it was rather sweet, a bit nauseating if you stayed with them too long perhaps. He didn’t mind though. It provided him the perfect distraction to complete his plan.

He started up the stairs slowly and carefully. They may have redone a lot of the house in the recent months, but the foundations were still old. Those stairs can reveal any attempt at sneaking around. Luckily for Kipps, he had worked on those very steps when fixing the damages. He knew them like the back of his hand by now. Every single one that creaked and where to step to remain invisible. This part would be a piece of cake. He made his way up the first set of stairs without trouble. He smiled to himself. He couldn’t wait to see Lockwood’s face when he would pull out the frame from its cache at 6pm. Right under his nose from under his bed. He began his way up the second flight of stairs confidently. Despite his boots, he could feel where he had worked, where the wood was solid and silent. He was three steps short to the landing when suddenly a loud reverberating creak alerted everyone of his whereabouts. Betrayal. He had worked so long on those stairs, listening, learning their pattern, but most importantly renewing them. He gave them his time and patience to rebuild them and for what? He wondered how it was even possible for him to have missed a stair in such bad shape. He heard shuffling downstairs. The love birds had probably been alerted by the wooden backstabber. He didn’t have time to dwell on treachery, he needed a place to hide. Fast.

He made no effort to conceal his footsteps anymore. He rushed to the landing and into Lockwood’s room but the others were already catching up to him. He didn’t have time to lift the mattress and secure the frame there. Panicked, he looked around for a new hiding place. There were still some cardboard boxes lying around the landing. They would have to do. He picked the one filled to the brim with random items and buried the frame among them. When his rivals reached the floor, they found Kipps leaning in that same falsely casual stance he had when they caught him eavesdropping earlier.

Creak. Something wasn’t right. Lockwood could hear Holly in the kitchen. It must have been Kipps. He had to check what he was up to. But doing so meant getting up. Getting up and giving up on having Lucy in his arms. It was a tough choice. So tough that he considered letting Kipps win the bet for a moment.

“Did you hear that?” Lucy suddenly said, listening intently.

Before he could answer she rose to her feet, determined to see who was making a move on the frame. It didn’t matter much since he had replaced it with a fake. However, it did little to stop her. She would hinder the plan of anyone who dared try to take victory from him. Lockwood couldn’t help but stare for a moment, watching her fondly while she resolvedly climbed the steps to investigate the noise they heard. His heart was beating fast when he caught up to her. He reached for her hand and tangled his fingers with hers.

They arrived on the landing hand in hand to find Kipps looking at the same bookshelf he had earlier. He was visibly panting, his chest rising fast despite his best efforts to seem casual.

“Still can’t find that book, Quill?”

“Erm… I was just uh…”

“Maybe you’ll have more luck in the library. There’s plenty more there. I can help you look for it if you’d like?”

“No need for that.”

“No, please, I insist.” He offered him a gracious smile, internally proud they managed to disrupt his plan.

Lockwood took pleasure in watching his opponent’s defeated face as he slowly turned back towards the stairs. He squeezed Lucy’s hand before letting go and escorted Kipps back downstairs.

While the two of them were busy squabbling on their way to the library, Lucy used the distraction to check on the decoy and on their hiding spot. The fake frame was still hung on the stairs which was a good sign. What worried her was what she might find in the garden. It would be bad if Kipps’s team got the frame, but she would be lying if she said it was her only source of worry. Lockwood had been mindful of the freshly planted flowers but she feared his rival had not made the same effort. She quickly followed downstairs and waited for them to enter the library. Out of the corner of his eye, Lockwood slightly smirked at her to signal her to go check their hiding spot. She made sure Holly wasn’t spying from the living room. The coast was clear. She silently reached for the handle on the kitchen door she overheard George mumbling, probably about that case he had been talking about. It wouldn’t be the first time she heard him talk to himself out loud. She could always ask him to stay quiet. Maybe bribe him by giving him her next biscuit in the rotation. She turned the handle and before she could step into the room, Holly’s familiar voice answered George’s. Lucy froze in place. This was perfect, Holly wouldn’t be watching her every move. But she had to release the handle unnoticed, and more importantly a much more acrobatic mission awaited her. As delicately as she could, she released the handle and stepped back from the door, silently aiming for the entrance. Walking backwards, she passed Lockwood again, who made Kipps carry as many books as he could before the poor man had enough of his nonsense. When he saw her going towards the front door, he dropped yet another book onto the pile Kipps was already carrying, making him drop everything. In the commotion, Lucy quickly opened and shut the door, slipping outside without anyone knowing.

The next part would be harder than anticipated. Without taking the time to think too much about it, she jumped to reach the top of the garden wall and pushed on her arms to pull herself up. It was easier to do when she didn’t have an eleven-pound silver-glass skull on her back commenting on her form and mocking her graceless performance. She let herself drop in the garden and remained low as she made her way to the flower beds. She was relieved to find them untouched. Kipps and Holly had had the good sense of digging into the empty patch of dirt next to it. It was good news for her gardening, but the turned soil also meant that their rivals had the frame in their possession. Luckily for them, they had a grouchy reluctant ally to keep track of the frame’s location.

Getting back upstairs hadn’t been easy. Lucy tried her best to sneak around the landing as silently as she could. Coming through the front door, she hadn’t had the chance to check if Holly was still busy with George. She counted on the researcher’s inability to keep his explanations short to keep her cover safe. She retrieved the ghost-jar from its hiding spot and made her way into Lockwood’s room, their rendezvous point. It still made her queasy to go into that room like it was her own. He had said to make herself at home, even in the middle of half-finished furniture. She hesitated, unsure where to settle the skull before getting answers.

“Just put me anywhere but the bed. Lord knows what you did there.”

She put it down on the floor with a crash, no longer caring about being discreet.

“Looks like I hit a nerve,” the annoying ghost said, “Will lover boy be joining us?”

As if summoned by the nickname, Lockwood entered his room and sat on the bed with giddy anticipation.

“So? What did you find out?”

“Kipps has the frame. He dug it up from the garden.”

“Damn it. Did the skull see where he hid it?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Skull answered with a crooked smile.

“Yes, we would. Now tell us!” Lucy asked not so nicely.

“I’m not sure I was paying attention.”

Oh, how that ghost could push her buttons.

“You were the one begging to participate in the first place! But fine if you won’t tell us maybe I’ll leave you in the oven again so George can get back to his experiments…”

“I was not begging! It’s just nice to be included for once. Fine. I saw the ginger head run upstairs and he hid the frame in a cardboard box on the landing.”

“Perfect!”

She ran back outside.

“What did he say?” Lockwood asked, his eyes following her to the landing.

She came back in disappointed.

“It’s supposed to be hidden in a cardboard box there but I’ve looked through all of them… it’s not here. Looks like Kipps was faster.”

“Damn! That son of a bitch is good…”

Kipps joined her and George after a loud bang was heard from the library. It sounded like books being dropped, another task for her later. Probably seeing the exhaustion on her face, he told her that he had taken care of it.

“Another meagre distraction of Lockwood’s.”

She laughed at his comment before asking George if he still needed her help.

“No worries, Holly. I can finish this by myself, thanks.”

“So, what is our next move?” She asked her partner.

He threw a sideway glance at George who was back to reading his casefile intently. He nodded towards the door and she followed him without a word. She thought he might be taking this whole thing a little too seriously. George said he was too busy with the case to participate, he wasn’t a threat. Still, she followed him in a corner of the library and listened intently as he whispered his misadventure with the steps. She tried as hard as she could not to laugh when he rambled about the steps of the house betraying him. It got especially tricky when he went on about dishonor and treachery.

“Now, I need you to go back upstairs and get the frame from that box I hid it in.”

“On it.”

“I’ll keep an eye on George.”

She refrained from rolling her eyes and went upstairs. When she got on the landing, she heard Lockwood’s muffled voice coming from his room. He must have been elaborating a new plan to steal back the frame with Lucy’s help. Hopefully, that would distract him enough while she looked through the boxes. They really needed to unpack them soon, it clogged the stairs and the access to their rooms. She opened the first one she could find. Inside were items that certainly belonged to Lockwood’s parents. She felt uncomfortable rummaging through them like this, especially for a silly bet. She opened the rest of them and looked but tried not to disturb anything. Her search was not successful. Instead of disrupting the items, she tried to call Kipps discreetly.

“Do you remember which box you put it in?”

“I think it was that one…”

He opened the box and looked delicately through it, just like she had done. One box after the other, his face went from relaxed, to worried, to panicked.

“Where is it, where is it?!”

“Lockwood must have taken it back.”

“Damn! That son of a bitch is good…”

He barely had time to think of a plan when the door to Lockwood’s room opened, letting his rival on the landing with them.

“Kipps! What a surprise…” He said in that smug tone of his. “It’s almost 6.”

“It looks that way yes.”

They stood face to face, each glaring daggers in the other’s eyes. Lockwood might have come back before he could get the frame from where he had hid it, but Bobby was still watching his every move, standing by behind the apple tree. Kipps was still sure of himself and he knew he would best his rival at that game.

“I’m gonna get that frame back!” They both declared at the same time.

Kipps’s faith in his plan and in himself evaporated before his very eyes. His conviction was shaken. Was Lockwood imitating him poorly? Was he making fun of him? Or was he genuinely convinced that he had the frame in his possession? His rival’s mask slipped too. So Lockwood did not have it. And he didn’t have it. Then who did?

“I’m gonna get that frame back!”

As Kipps exclaimed the same sentence, Lockwood took a step back in surprise. What game was he playing? He stared at him for a few seconds, trying to read whatever ruse he was attempting. The longer he stared and the more obvious his confusion was. How could he look so sincere? Kipps had really worked on his poker face, he thought. Unless he wasn’t acting and the frame was actually out there, out of both their reach when time was running out. Lucy might have an idea. But before he could turn to her to try to read her expression, she bolted down the stairs.

“I’m gonna get that frame back!”

The fact that both boys exclaimed that sentence at the same time threw a gust of cold air through the landing. Everyone stood silently, staring, observing, waiting for someone to stop pretending. The moment never came. One voice broke the silence.

“How strange. It’s almost like that box just disappeared, isn’t it?” Skull asked in that smug know-it-all tone Lucy was so used to. “Didn’t Karim take care of the boxes? No that must have been another day. Unless…?”

Without thinking, Lucy rushed to find George. She didn’t know whether it was the adrenaline, her feelings for Lockwood or her sense of competition, but she had never climbed down the stairs so fast. She called for Lockwood to follow her and heard the hurried footsteps of three eager agents rushing to meet her first. She made a mental note to stick that bloody ghost-jar in the oven for a good forty-eight hours for being so unreliable.

They found George still hunched over his research in the kitchen, so focused that he didn’t seem to register their arrival, no matter how loudly they opened the door.

“Please don’t bother me because of your bet.” He said without looking up from his notes.

Lucy took a tentative step forward.

“Actually… We were just wondering what you might have done with one of those boxes that

are on the landing.”

“You mean the ones I asked you to sort out about a week ago?”

“Better late than never?” she tried to justify.

“I put most of them in the basement.” He answered after a long sigh.

The four of them rushed through the cupboard-like basement door. Lockwood and Kipps tripped each other the whole way down, resulting in loud banging noises against the iron spiral stairs leading the way to their office. Kipps threw himself on the first box he could find, hurriedly but somehow delicately pulling everything out of it and laying all the items on the floor next to him. Lockwood and Holly did the same, and she joined the party a few seconds later without results. Both rivals looked up from their respective boxes visibly panting with matching defeated looks. Apparently neither had prevailed from their thorough search. Where could that frame be?

“Look there’s another one in the storage room!” Holly exclaimed.

With one last race, they all scurried into the room. Before they could turn around, the door slammed behind them, effectively trapping them among magnesium flares and iron chains.

Kipps spun around first to see the iron door sliding shut. He put all his weight to try holding it back but it was no use. Panicked, he tried to go for the back door, rattling the handle vigorously like it would make a difference.

“It won’t budge, Kipps. I made sure of that.” Came a mocking voice from outside.

“Is this your idea of a joke, Karim?”

The gap in the storage door slid open, and mischievous eyes peaked inside.

“Indeed, it is.”

Only his eyes were visible, but it was obvious from his tone that he was smiling in that self-sufficient way of his.

“Cut it out, I’m claustrophobic.”

“You weren’t that claustrophobic when you slept in that broom closet to avoid bunking with me. I think you’ll be fine.”

The humiliation slowly dawned on him. The four of them looked around the room, unsure of their fate. Kipps looked at his feet, defeated. When he looked back up, he saw the three others at different stages of confusion. They didn’t seem to know what was happening either. However, he noticed that Lucy had a small smile on her face, almost satisfied. Did she betray Lockwood to win the bet? Or worse, was Lockwood up to this?

“What is this about, George?” Lockwood asked before Kipps could.

“This,” he paused dramatically, “is how you lose.”

Slightly squinting through the hatch, George reveled in seeing his friends squirm. He wondered if that made him some sort of evil villain, but he liked seeing Lockwood stare at him with that fly-catching gape way too much to care. Even more so when it was joined by Kipps’s despair-filled eyes. He took the general tensed silence as a sign that they had not in fact anticipated this turn of events.

“So you were playing all along?” Lucy asked.

“No. I just saw an opportunity and took it.”

Kipps rolled his eyes and George couldn’t help smiling wider.

“I knew I had to be weary of you Karim.”

“I appreciate the compliment, Kipps. Though, obviously, you weren’t cautious enough.”

“So how did you double-cross us all?” Lockwood asked. If he didn’t know any better, George could almost hear a certain pride in his friend’s voice.

“Well… Since you’re dead set on turning anything into unnecessary races, I had to find a way to teach you a lesson.”

He heard Lockwood scoff.

“I’m with him on that one.” Lucy added in a lower tone.

“So, when you asked me to make you that fake article to use as decoy, I saw an opening.”

“Hold on. Karim was helping you too? How is that fair?”

“I know Bobby’s pocket-sized, Kipps, but since you had him surveil the house I’d still say your teams were pretty equal.” George retorted.

“You knew about this?”

“You had Bobby watching us?” Lockwood asked his rival.

“I mean, we planted Skull too.” Lucy tried to reason him.

“The skull was in on it too?!” Holly exclaimed.

“When Lockwood asked for my help,” George started again, effectively shutting up any other protest emerging from the small room, “he asked me to replace some parts of the article with more modest words like ‘Lockwood is the best agent/genius.’ Instead, I added my own version, almost certain that Lockwood wouldn’t even bother to check. Turns out I was right.”

“Lockwood! You couldn’t even look through it?” Lucy said.

Kipps let out a self-sufficient laugh.

“Yeah, well, you didn’t check either!”

Before any other fight could erupt, George carried on with his explanations.

“Even though Lockwood kept his hideout secret, it wasn’t hard to figure out that it had something to do with Lucy. I mean… even Kipps thought of it.” Through the hatch, he saw Kipps’s eyes throwing daggers his way. “Which left either the attic or the garden and given the number of times I caught you all coming back inside, it was obvious it was the latter. I didn’t need to bother getting it myself though, Kipps did an excellent job retrieving it, as I knew he would. What I needed was to mess up his plans instead.”

Silence had returned inside the storage room. They all had their eyes focused on his, waiting to hear more about their defeat.

“While Kipps and Holly were outside, and Lucy and Lockwood weren’t paying attention to anything besides themselves, I slipped into the hall to mess with the stairs. I made sure enough of them creaked to make sure Kipps would panic-hide the article. I have to say, you avoided a lot more creaky steps than I thought you would, I was impressed.”

Kipps stared back expectantly, clearly curious to know how he had managed the rest of his plan.

“When you hid it on the landing, I had a much easier target to disrupt all future strategies. Now the last part was harder. I had to move the box one step at a time very quickly to make sure you wouldn’t see me. First, while Lockwood and Kipps were in the library, I kept Holly busy with the case, pretended to go to the bathroom, saw Lucy sneaking out the front door and I ran to put the box in my room. Then, Kipps’s paranoia dragged his team in the library while Lockwood and Lucy where in his bedroom, so I took the box back into the kitchen. Finally, while you were realizing the box was missing, I was busy placing it inside the storage room, like a piece of cheese on a mouse trap. A trap in which you all fell being none the wiser.”

He paused for a minute to savor their reactions. Lucy accepted defeat and laughed at the situation. Holly looked stunned. But the most priceless reactions were the two rivals going through different stages of grief. He wished he could record this moment to look back at it a hundred more times.

“I bet with this whole getting-locked-in-the-storage-room thing you didn’t even see the frame I placed inside the box, right?”

Lockwood and Kipps exchanged a glance and jumped on the box. They battled to get hold of the frame first. Lockwood prevailed, holding the prize up high before looking at it more intently. He scoffed and looked back at him through the hatch.

“Well, what does it say?”

“George Casper Karim is a genius hidden two, no three times-”

“It’s actually four times.” George said with a smile.

“Lockwood is a loser” he continued, “Kipps must incline in front of George and so does Lockwood, Kipps still managed to lose spectacularly to George Karim.” He concluded.

They all looked back at him, Kipps’s murderous eyes contrasting with Lucy’s barely contained laughter.

“Are you proud of this?”

“Very yes, thank you for asking.”

“But where is the actual article?” Lockwood asked, almost too certain he found a chink in his armor.

“Oh, you mean this?” He said as he pulled the piece of paper from his back pocket and unfolded it through the hatch.

There was another stunned silence. Lockwood shook his head, slowly admitting defeat. 

“So, what now?” Lockwood asked.

“I believe you both need to say something.”

They exchanged a look, Lockwood now amused.

“George Karim is the best agent/genius.” They said in unison.

General relief flooded the storage room now that the bet was over. George certainly hoped it would deter them both from making more bets any time soon.

“Well, maybe we can celebrate with a cup of tea?” Holly offered.

“That’s a sweet sentiment Holly but I’m not opening this door.”

“What?!” They all exclaimed, louder than necessary.

“You see, I’ve worked all day on our next case and you’re all way behind. I’m gonna need you to catch up. You’ll find the materials on the shelf next to Holly.”

“You can’t be serious.”

“Don’t worry, I left some water and a box of doughnuts for you, I’m not a monster.”

Lockwood tried to force the door, like Kipps had earlier. They all shouted a mix of indignation and insults his way. It all sounded like incomprehensible gibberish.

“You can keep screaming if there’s more, but I’ve got a date with Flo!” And with that he left them there, the protests and the clattering of the metal door fading as he went up the stairs.

Note: I’m guessing that, just like Lockwood, you didn’t check the article hanged at the top of this post. You might want to check it out. *wink* (you have to zoom in because it blends in)

[klancecuredmydepression]

My Opinion on Lance from Voltron:Legendary Defender

Sooo I’m finally doing a post on everyone’s favorite character from Voltron, Lancey Lance the Amazing Ninja Sharpshooter. But sadly, Lance was thrown around like a dirty rag, and not shown any affection or attention by anyone (besides Keef <3), including the creators of Voltron. Dreamworks did Lance dirty, and I will never forgive them because of that.

1. Lance’s insecurities. Lance has shown that he is insecure many times throughout the show. For example, when he visits Keith to tell him that he wants to leave the team so he doesn’t become a burden to anyone, Lance explaining his feelings for Allura to the mice and NOT HIS ACTUAL FRIENDS WHO ARE SUPPOSED TO HELP HIM, and etc. If I’m not mistaken, Voltron is a KID’S show. This will probably influence kids to bottle up their emotions and to always try to make everyone happy, just like Lance attempted to do. Lance’s insecurities could have been handled with in a better way.

2. Lance and his ‘friendships’ with other characters. In the 1hr episode, “The New Alliance” we are introduced to Lance, Pidge, and Hunk, who are supposed to be friends (I mean in that episode they mostly spend time together, so it hints that they are friends?..) Anyways, as Voltron progresses, Lance is constantly made fun of, perhaps even bullied by the other paladins. The episode “The Hunted” is a perfect example of that. Near the end of the episode, Pidge (and I believe Hunk) make fun of Lance for his “natural stupidity” and Keith joins in saying “I know it’s fun to make fun of Lance” or something like that idk my memory is rusty. But Allura is the only one to come to Lance’s defense. Another moment is the “Garfle, Warfle, Snick!” episode. The paladins are playing against the Galra, and there is a point where ‘Zarkon’ says, “Hmm.. I’ll go with the dumb one!” which Lance responds by saying, “Whose that?”. During the episode Lance is constantly being corrected for saying the wrong answer or making a small mistake. Also, it seems like every paladin has a buddy with them. Pidge and Hunk are always together

Same with Keith and Shiro, and Allura and Coran. This leaves Lance being alone by himself, with no one to tag along with. I think the paladins don’t want Lance to be with them is because they think he’ll ask too many questions or something like that idk. Y’know the episode where Lance, Pidge, and Hunk all visit Allura and Lotor? Lance asks, after Pidge and Hunk leave him (what a surprise 😒) if they need help, to which they give Lance the silent treatment. Lance leaves with an upset expression on his face, and that made me FUCKING CRY. I thought he would at least hang with Pidge and Hunk because they seem like best friends in the first episode, but it seems like they’re not?.. Tho there is this one episode where the Garriosn Trio have fun by playing with a Galran robot they reprogrammed, but that is pretty much it. Lance being alone and made fun of breaks my heart, and not in a good way.

3. Allurance vs Klance. Yes, I know what you’re thinking. The old days of the Voltron fandom where shipping wars destroyed the show. But this time I’m dead serious when I say Allurance was one-sided. Allura has shown NO interest in Lance in the past 6 seasons whatsoever. Whenever he flirts with her she just gets annoyed and turns away from him. But now, all of the sudden, she has a liking for Lance after her dead ex-boyfriend Lotor died. On the other hand, Klance, actually has build-up and chemistry (as seen in the sunset scene, “We make a good team” scene, and so on.) Klance would have possibly been canon if weren’t for the toxic shippers in the fandom. In the end, Klance, despite all its popularity, was not made canon, and Allurance was rushed and made last-minute. Basically Allurance and Klance shippers were disappointed (at least most of them) because of how their ship was handled. But still, Allura would still view Lance as her second choice, no matter what. That’s why I support Klance,because I want Lance to be happy with someone who loves him back.

4. Lance’s Character Development. As a HUGE Lance stan, I was raging at how he was treated. First of all, the poor man barely gets any screen time. I mean he does get screen time, but it’s only when he’s with Allura or it’s just filler to lighten the mood in the episode. The only character development Lance gets is in Season 7/8, where he finally has a girlfriend. Dreamworks basically did this: “Oh! Let’s just forget about the other characters in the show and only give so and so character development and a character arc because they’re the most liked by the fandom!” (Cough cough PIDGE SHIRO KEITH IM LOOKING AT YOU THREE) I thought that this was straight up stupid. Why create a character if you’re not going to give them just as much attention than the other characters? At this point Voltron should just be named “The Keith, Pidge, and Shiro Show!”. It’s also angers me that everyone got what they wanted at the end of Voltron. Keith wanted to be loved by his family and all that bullshit and guess what? He’s helping other people do that (I kinda forgot what Keith did at the end of Voltron forgive me for any mistakes) Pidge was super smart and wanted to be a scientist; She became a scientist. Hunk wanted to be a chef; Now he’s leading his OWN FUCKING CULINARY CHEF ARMY. SHIRO WANTED TO BE AT PEACE AND GUESS WHAT HAPPENED? HE RETIRED. AND LANCE BECAME A FARMER WHEN HE WANTED TO BE A FUCKING GODAMN PILOT! I’m so sorry, but Lance retired when he was probably still in his late or early twenties. Not to mention he was constantly looked down upon and yelled at at the Garrison, so that’s prob one reason why he didn’t pursue his dream to be a pilot. But Lance should have lived his life and enjoyed it while it lasted before he retired.

5. Conclusion. I will never forget about Lance probably 70 years from now because of how lovable and funny he was. Some people have said that Lance was treated in such manner because the creators disliked him, others have said totally different things. It doesn’t matter about how you think about the character, it’s about how you develop and describe them. Lance McClain was betrayed, and I want to give him an extremely huge bear hug because of that.

[almostfoxglove]

hi angel!!

I’ve previously been here to express my love for i’ll carry you and the very tangible emotions it evokes within me every time!! it’s very easily become one of my all time favorite javi stories because of how raw and angsty the yearning is and it’s just chefs kiss!!

wanted to ask you your process for writing this story cause it’s so beautifully done?

also wondering how you were doing with the next chapter and if we can get a little sneak peek? (no pressure at all btw pls i’m just over here being curious)

ANON askfjsdha HI ANGEL!! this is so so sweet of you :,) I am blushing and terribly flattered, thank you so much <33 and tysm for asking about the ~process~ I LOVE TALKIN SHOP

I'll Carry You started as a one shot for my angst writing challenge back in the summer - I kept one moodboard for myself knowing I wanted to take part and try my hand at writing javier for the first time, and as you know it became I'LL CARRY IT :,)

I'm gonna put my yapping under the cut (and the chat about the finale) because I have a feeling I'm gonna go off (sorry in advance for rambling)

** ! SPOILERS FOR I'LL CARRY YOU BELOW THE CUT ! **

for the challenge I had to incorporate the quote in the moodboard in some way, which was what started everything - I had that moment of javier lying with his head in her lap on her porch swing in mind and was trying to figure out how to get there, especially with angst

javi didn't feel like the kind of person (at least in this angsty context) to exhibit this kind of vulnerable / intimate pda very often, so I figured he ought to be drunk and that the person he's with is someone he's very comfortable with (so I translated that to = childhood best friend, someone he's known most of his life)

a professor I had in uni was really big on giving us restrictions in writing assignments and I always found them so helpful - things like: write a story without using any "to be" verbs, or without any dialogue, or where one character is trapped in another room, or a story told in reverse chronology, etc. giving yourself limitations can be so freeing in a way, funny enough?? it's what we do when we make up writing challenges, after all!!

so when I was having trouble figuring out where to take / end the one shot, I thought it could be fun to give myself the structural restriction - tell the story over just one night broken up hour by hour, and as soon as I broke out the draft like that it went *click* :,)

of course you already know it became a series!! I didn't want the next part to have no structural restrictions, but it also didn't make sense to also make that part take place over just one night again, so I took this quote from I'll Carry It:

Javier’s dark brow dips in the middle and you might as well be twenty-eight again. Twenty-one. Eighteen. Eleven. All the ages you’ve been with him in all the years you’ve known him.

and decided I'd break up part II by those ages to explore their friendship over the years, which is how You Carry It was born!! it ends of course when Javi does finally return post s3 :,) which... you know... ouch. ha :,) ha :,)

RE: part 3!

part three is TRUCKING ALONG! but actually the thing I'm focusing on rn is a one shot told from javi's POV that follows the structure of part II. I talked a little about it here in this ask if you want some more details!! but I want to get that one shot out before the big finale, ya know?

so this one shot is meant to be read after going down, with the context of the moment in sixth grade where reader breaks javi out of his locker - here's a (wip) peek:

once this one shot is out the finale is up next - but I've got a bit written already! I think it's going to be... massive lmfao. so I suspect it will end up living solely on ao3 because it'll be too big for tumblr. I talked a little about this part's formatting restriction here - but it'll be broken up month by month for a year and follow immediately where we left off in part II (in october, then ending the following september)

I've got october, november, and december fully drafted - and some of may (it'll be the biggest section I think) :,) but it's gonna be a beast!!

I put a little sneak peak at part III under the cut of this wip wednesday if you haven't seen that yet, in case you want a peek of that too! but the javi pov one shot will come out next <3

okay THIS IS SO EMBARRASSINGLY LONG I AM SO SORRY ANON

if you made it to the end of this you are a fucking trooper and I adore you. thank you sm for asking :,) I hope this is sorta insightful? idk? or that it gets you jazzed for more ANGST bc lord we've got that comin :,) ilysm okay? this is my favorite series to work on so just thank you so much for caring about it enough to send this IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY <3

[krystaldeath]

Cotl Auuuuu

It’s modern time babeyyyy

* This au does take place in modern day but it technically “starts” in the late 90s bc it’s a Narinder and Lamb were childhood best friends au :))

* I honestly have the most ideas for when they’re in high school but I’ll get to that in a bit (also should say this was inspired by that one prom post from redcrowncafe where Lamb talks about their prom date who was an asshole and wishes they knew Narinder then so they could’ve gone with each other. Saw that and thought “okay but what if they did” and that spiraled out of control)

* I’ve yet to say that my personal headcanon for Lamb’s family is that they had two moms, and three younger siblings (a sister about 12 years younger, and 18 years younger twins; one male one amab gender-fluid). The twins don’t show up till Lamb is, well, 18 tho so they won’t come up much yet

* The Bishops (Bishop is just their last name here) are all foster siblings who have shitty foster parents. Shamura stays even a bit into their early 20s because of this since they don’t want to leave their younger siblings alone with those two. The foster parents’ were abusive in multiple ways, and they also kept any money the Bishop’s respective parents might’ve left for their offspring to themselves (spoiler: Shamura’s in particular were LOADED and so when the Bishops are finally away from these two they’re pretty much set for life). It’s after a particularly scary night where a two year old Leshy and a six year old Heket are threatened while Shamura and the parents are arguing that something in Shamura snaps and they begin to plan to murder their foster parents. Yay!

* I don’t have the details but they in fact /do/ kill them. Thing is they’re super smart about it and hardly any evidence can be traced back to them. It is a small town though so there aren’t too many suspects and overall the one who would have the motive and probable method would be Shamura (unless they wanna try and pin it of 13 year old Kallamar or 8 year old Narinder). Thing is, their foster parents? No one liked them. So no one’s gonna point fingers. The police try and press people to give a suspect but no one does. So the case goes cold. But, even though no one liked the two, murder is still frowned upon by most so the siblings move away.

* But BEFORE all that let me explain a bit about Nari and Lamb’s friendship: they met in kindergarten (idk why they’re in the same grade when I hc Lamb to be a year older but shhh) and while Narinder tried to act “cool” and “aloof” Lamb was having none of it and dragged him along on little kid adventures like playing in the mud and pretending to be power rangers. Also almost from the get go Nari had a little crush on Lamb lol. Since Nari and his sibs move away when he’s 8, these two knew each other for 3 years. Idk what all happens in that time. Like I said most of what I’ve thought up for this au (mainly about Narilamb) happens in their high school years. It is thanks to their play dates at each others houses that Lamb figures out that being nonbinary is a thing from Shamura and is like “Wait… Me too???”

* After the move, Nari and Lamb stay connected through letters and phone calls. They also send pictures of all kinds of things, mainly of themselves so the other “won’t forget what I look like!” Neither make many lasting friends, at least, not ones around the same age as them (Lamb befriends Ratau and his buddies. Narinder befriends kind library assistant Forneus and her two twin sons).

* Lamb is loud and proud about who they are, which unfortunately makes them targeted for bullying, though it’s not just for their gender, it’s also because of their - Idk a better word than quirky Sorry - personality and the rumors about their long distance best friend; there’s multiple rumors, like that he doesn’t exist (this comes from those who don’t know much about the whole Bishop family scandal) or that he’s a murderer, just like his older sibling (this comes from those that /do/ know, ofc)

* Btw over the course of these years they’ve been apart Nari’s crush has only grown and Lamb has also gained a crush on Nari themself

* OKAY OKAY OKAY OKAY TIME FOR THE BIT I HAVE THE MOST OF AN IDEA FOR GET READY (it’s super cheesy and corny and honestly feels like a Disney channel original movie but this fandom could use a little more of that imo so let me live)

* So, I know some schools would let Juniors have their own prom. Let’s say Lamb’s school does that. They had been asked by some guy to be his prom date and figured “why not?” and accepted. Thing is the guy asked if they could buy his ticket, and being the nice person (yet to decide if this is also a human au or if they’re still all animals) they are they do so. The guy then just takes the ticket and tells them to get lost. Lamb didn’t like the guy but it still hurt to have their kindness taken advantage of. They tell Narinder all about it and admit they probably won’t even go to the prom, even though they already bought a ticket and outfit. Nari, who Lamb can’t see bc it’s just a phone call, is absolutely SEETHING.

* Now Narinder has a mission: Get a tux, flowers, and other gifts. Convince Shamura to let him go in his truck (yeah he drives a truck in this au, idk it’s just the car I imagined when I thought it up lol) and be away from home for a few of days (it would take about a day to drive there, then he’d want to stay for at least one or two, then another to drive back). Shamura is reluctant (that town holds a lot of bad memories and him being so far away when he’s only 16 is scary), but seeing the determination in his eyes makes them relent.

* He calls Lamb’s moms and lets them know his plan, but wants it to be a surprise. They both agree to convince them to go to prom even if they will be going alone, without letting it slip that they will have a prom date after all.

* Prom night comes around, and Lamb, who is dressed in a tux-dress combo, is confused as to why their moms, who were so insistent that they go, aren’t ready to take them? (Projecting my reluctance to learn to drive onto them here, so that’s why they can’t drive themself). Then the doorbell rings. They answer and see Narinder (who is now like a foot taller wow couldn’t tell that in the photos he sent) in a tuxedo holding a bouquet and corsage. He’s got a nervous smile on his face as he says “I know it’s a little last minute, but will you allow me to accompany you to prom?”

* Almost a full minute passes in silence, making Nari sweat and begin to regret doing all of this. Then he gets jumped by Lamb into a hug that topples them both to the ground as they scream “YES!!!”. Thankfully they aren’t hurt and their formal wear is alright, though they wouldn’t notice otherwise, their focuses only on each other’s laughter and presence.

* When he opens the passenger door for them there’s a basket of treats, jewelry and a black cat plushie. “Ohh, Narinderrrr! You’re making me feel like I’m royalty!” “You are, to me.” *pause as they look at each other in flustered silence* “A-ANYWAYS WERE SHOULD GET GOING RIGHT?” “OH YEAH YOURE RIGHT. Uh, help me up?” He helps them climb into their seat, close the door, and silently screams about how dumb that was (while Lamb is inside internally screams about how sweet that was and oh no they think they’re falling for him)

* They get there (Yeah I realized Nari doesn’t have a ticket but let’s say somehow there was enough for him to buy one at the entrance) and they’re having a good time (only barely noticing the looks they’re getting and the whispers of “Isn’t that one of the Bishop siblings? Figures Lamb would have to settle for a murderer to be their date.”), dancing, eating and drinking the possibly spiked punch. I’m sorry to say some hurt is about to happen

* They have a run in with the guy who tricked Lamb and Nari almost breaks the guys nose before Lamb pulls him away saying it’s not worth it. He’s about to disagree and say something embarrassing again like “maybe /he’s/ not worth it but /you/ are and he hurt you so he deserves to be punched” when a girl “accidentally” spills her whole cup of punch onto Lamb’s outfit. Everyone around them laughs and Lamb, barely blinking back tears, runs out of the building. Narinder growls at them all and runs after Lamb.

* He finds them curled up by a tree outside, and sits down next to them. He tries to comfort them but they sob out “Just take me back home.” He agrees to do so, but tells them to go wash up a bit in the bathroom while he gets something. As they’re washing up he knocks on the door and asks to come in. They let him and see he’s holding a box. He tells them he planned on giving it to them later after Prom for something else he had planned but figured they’d just go now since Lamb didn’t want to stay anymore. He hands it to them and says he’ll be waiting outside.

* Surprise! It’s another outfit :)) It’s a bit more cozy than what they were wearing before, but still fit for “royalty”. And a black crown with a big red jewel inlaid in the middle-front

* They get dressed and marvel in the mirror before going back out. Narinder’s heart skips a beat when he sees them.

* Idk what to put in between so let’s skip ahead to when they’ve arrived at a spot out in the open wilderness where it’s easier to star gaze. He sets up the trunk bed to be comfy and reveals he had a cooler and basket of food for them to have a night picnic under the stars.

* After they’ve eaten some, one thing leads to another, and then Lamb pulls Narinder into a kiss. They both confess and spend the rest of their time cuddling (until Lamb gets a phone call from their very nervous moms because of how late it’s getting and they’re not home yet lol)

* I have more ideas but to sum them up for now: The rest of this AU is just Narilamb long distance relationship angst & fluff. Eventually the Bishops move back to the small town and then it’s not long distance narilamb (and eventual leshycat and whatever else).

* I will say this: Another murder will happen, this time it’s Lamb who commits it. That’s all I’m giving y’all ;))c

[acourtofquestions]

A new day, and the final one (to put it dramatically cause I’m in the feels)

Kingdom of Ash Chapter 100 here I come… I’ll see you in some random spam mini posts (maybe — I’m mostly reading at this point non-stop lol) but there shall be some large posts after the Epilogue…

Mostly right now theories, thoughts, concerns😅: I’m pondering Aelin’s power; she hasn’t had it most of the series and doesn’t need it but we do have 1,000 Ironteeth + Maeve & Erawan on the way (currently my theory is she’s been storing her magic in Goldryn somehow and will be able to use it to unleash her power at an insane level… mostly because they keep mentioning the ruby looked like it’s sparking or her hands on it and it’s rare that SJM does that at this frequency without reason), plus Maeve is out of magic so she should be ready, & Dorian is fired up for his father against Erawan; maybe with Aelin combined they can do it. Or a classic Rowaelin Carranam. And I bet Essar can teach her the gifts in small ways.

I’m hoping Lys meets Falkan (my soul needs this). I need Gavriel & Aedion to makeup & get their oaths (Ren too), gotta get that LysAedion kiss (and no one better die). I need Dorian to go comfort Manon along with everyone else because they understand; Aelin, Elide… Terrasen’s children lost everyone. I need a Kingsflame bloomed and a coronation, I’d like to know who the heck killed Aelin’s parents and what does the damn owl mean! I want Aelin to meet Nox! I want Fleetfoot to meet Abraxos! I wanna know the Chaorene baby name😂 I want at least one scene of Empress Nesryn! Lady of the Ghost Leopards Lys! GIVE ME A MANORIAN “I LOVE YOU”. And wants/hopes that prob won’t happen but I’m saying it anyway: I know it probably won’t but I’d love if Elena got some sliver of peace. I want the white wolf and the wolf together, Aelin & Rhoe’s Shield + an Aedion reunion & an Evangeline/Fleetfoot/family hug, one moment of all of them together (again no one dies immediately after). AND THEY ALL DESERVE A SOFT EPILOGUE & future with long therapy filled lives! & a Rowaelin baby since they’ve both said they want a family together like that🥹

Mostly I’m worried over people dying… Sarah has proven that she will & can kill a lot of characters at once… I am in shock & grieving so… A little worried about about Dorian but I think he’ll be fine, a lot of worry about side characters: Murtaugh (for Ren), Ren (generally speaking which would suck cause I want to know him more), Kyllian (Aedion clearly loves him I don’t want to see that heartbreak), Ansel (because her people are gone and Manon is the Witch-Queen… I’d prefer an alliance, healing moment cause they both lost them all & maybe see if she’s got a thing going with Ilias cause the irony there👌😂👏). Hafiza (for Yrene; please don’t do another big sacrifice… I’ve already lost twelve today😭 the number is off… no…), oh and I’m pretty sure Darrow will die. Then the bigger ones: above all The Cadre have me concerned; Lorcan (cause him & Elide will always be running out of time), Fenrys (for Aelin or Lorcan), Gavriel (for his son). & otherwise: Aedion (he does not need to die for redemption Sarah DONT YOU DARE).

So, here we go… the first read of the ending of the books I’ve loved since February and will carry with me always… with a lil bit of sleep & the day complete with nothing but reading time: Beginning with Chapter 100: Aedion

P.S. I’ve got Crescent City; House of Earth & Blood on standby to read tonight (I need to pour my feelings in another book with the hope of maybe seeing Aelin again😭) I don’t care if it’s denial I don’t wanna know I just need it🤣

[strawbrygashez]

Postal 1 Fic

Uncle Dave Saves Christmas

Wooooo I’m finally writing for my idea I posted a while back where Dave often visits p1 while he’s locked up in the mental ward and flirts with staff to bend a few rules LOL! Also in this I decided to make Corkscrew aka Shtopor P1s brother :) Dave doesn’t actually ‘save Christmas’ 💀 I’m just terrible with titles and thought it was funny.

————————————————————————

“Thank you again sweetheart. I see him from here.” Dave thanked the shorter blonde nurse that had led him to the cafeteria where most if not all the patients were grouped into currently. The room wasn’t usually as full as it was now but he supposed it made sense why everyone was gathered up. It was Christmas after all and it looked like the workers had decided to throw a little something together. The room had the odd Christmas decoration here and there with red and green party streamers lining the usually bare walls. He had to admit it made things feel a little less depressing for once in the big, old building.

He’d basically knew his way around the place by now since he visited quite often in the past three years ever since his nephew had gotten thrown in. Though he knew Dude needed to pay the price for his actions and then some.. he couldn’t help to always feel at least somewhat bad for him being locked up. The staff weren’t the nicest, some areas around the building were severally ran down and it just seemed like a depressing place to be for everyone involved, but yet again, he kept in mind some people who’d been effected by Dudes actions wished much, much worse upon him so he tried not to let it get to him too much. Besides, even if things were terrible around him, the most important part of being here was that Dude was finally getting the help he needed and supervision he hadn’t been able to provide Dude himself.

For a while there, it almost seemed like that ‘help’ Dude was supposed to be receiving barely had any positive effects on him. For the longest time, every time he’d visit Dude would just sit there in complete silence, barely even moving as he’d inform him how his relatives were doing, what he’d been up to, what’s going on in the outside word and the like. It had only been recently where Dude would mumble a small response back to whatever gossip came to Dave’s mind or gave a small thank you for one of the gifts Dave had been able to work into gifting Dude despite the strict rules most nurses and staff took to heart. It was only when Dave took notice that if he played it extra sweet to some of the female workers, he’d be able to bend the rules a bit. Who knew his charm and leadership skills that he’s used to get suckers into giving him money and worshiping every word he said would also help him, help Dude out? Speaking of the lady workers…

The lady next to Dave blushed at the nickname and nodded, holding her clipboard to her chest. “No problem..Just let me know if there is anything else I can do to help. I’ll be nearby.” She shyly replied. Dave gave her another grin and said something along the lines of ‘of course’ before he glanced around the room again and spotted his nephews unmistakable firey-red hair.

Dude was sitting in his usual spot he’d take whenever Dave would find him in during lunch. He’d always sit at a table far away from the others by himself, next to the top left corner of the room.

Dave ignored the glances some patients threw at him as he made his way over to him while he thought about how it was kinda sad that, damn, even here Dude always ended up wanting to be by himself when there was probably tons of other ‘rejects’ that he could relate to in someway here. Dave had even seen a sweet, cute girl patient around Dudes age try to talk to Dude once but all Dude did was give her a simple nod one time while she talked to him. If maybe he’d had enough time to talk with Dude before everything happened, he could have possibly also helped him ‘get some game’. It wasn’t like Dude was bad looking or anything but- ‘Oh wow….’

Dave had stopped in both his thoughts and steps once he realized as he got closer, that Dude wasn’t alone and even more surprisingly…he was smiling?? at a man who sat across from him. It was some man with short blonde hair and bright blue eyes that was accompanying Dude. It looked like they were talking about something and whatever it was, they were both smiling and the man was laughing. Damn. Maybe the people here do know what they are doing. He himself couldn’t help but smile also, even more so as he approached the two.

“Well this is a surprise Dude. I don’t think i’ve seen ya look so happy in a long time!” He suddenly loudly spoke. Causing Dude to jump a little at the suddenness. His smile had faltered a bit as Dave patted his back with one hand and sat a couple gift bags on the table with the other.

Dude made himself look small again as he looked down at his tray and played with the end of his own sleeve. “Yeah..” he awkwardly mumbled out as he swallowed. Dave was kinda confused why he’d gotten all ‘emo’ again but didn’t let his own smile leave. In fact, he reached out his hand towards the stranger and told him his name which the man told him his own before he took a seat next to him. “This a friend of yours Dude? Don’t think I’ve seen him around before.” Dave asked as he took his coat off and sat it down next to himself.

Dude still had his face covered with his long hair as he kept looking down and shrugged. “Yeah.” Was the only response he gave. Dave waited a bit, hoping his nephew would continue but when he realized he wouldn’t, he shook his head jokingly before looking at the man next to him again. “Well whatever you’re doing is good. Haven’t seen him that happy in ages. I can barely get much out of the goober.. well it’s gotten better but yknow.” He shrugged.

The man smiled back at him. “Yeah..He was a tough nut to crack but I did it..” the man said, his eyes shifting over to look at Dude who was picking at the food on his plate with a fork. “Yknow..” he began before smirking a bit. “He’s told me a lot of good things about you before. He’s even told me one time you made his whole day after..- what was it you gave him? That one silly book with the wolves?”

Dude whined the man’s name in embarrassment before he suddenly let go of the fork and covered his face, making the stranger chuckle. Dave couldn’t help but laugh a bit at it too. “Really? That one with all the facts about ’em and shit?” He asked Dude though he knew he wasn’t going to get a response.

It felt nice to know he was appreciated honestly though he didn’t come over to see Dude just for that. He genuinely cared for and loved Dude though he screwed up big time. He knew Dude never had a easy life and honestly.. he might harbor a little guilt himself for not trying more to get him out of his living situation as a kid or trying to contact him more once he grew up but well, that’s just how things played out at the end of the day. There wasn’t much he could do to change the past no matter how much he wanted to. Sometimes he wondered if Dude would change his past if he could too..

Like he assumed, Dude didn’t respond though and just kept his face covered as both of the mens laughter faded. It was only when the blonde man let out a sigh from all the snickering before shuffling to get up, Dude moved his hands to peak over at him through his hair.

“Alright guys. I’ll leave you two to talk. I know if a family member came to see me I would want space away from others.” He said as he picked up his tray. “Oh, nah. you’re cool. It’s fine man! To me at least anyways.” Dave assured him with a dismissive wave of a arm though looking over at Dude after to see if he wanted the guy to leave or not too.

The man watched Dude for a moment in silence with a smile as Dude looked back at him. It was..kinda weird. They seemed to be silently talking through the way they looked at each over before the man spoke up again. “It’s fine.” He said to Dave before leaning down just a tiny bit towards Dude. “I’ll just be at the table near the exit door. Okay?” He assured him in a soft, caring voice….a bit too much of one in Dave’s mind. Something was definitely going on between them. No man really talks to another guy like that unless…-

Dude pushed up his glasses before giving the blonde a nod, and with that, the man took his belongings and left them to be. Dave watched him do so as he thought to himself silently before he returned his focus back to Dude who had pushed some of his hair back behind his ear and was taking a bite out of some corn that had already been cut off the cob. He watched him eat for a couple minutes before finally speaking up again. “Cute boyfriend.”

This made Dude pause his motion of bringing the spoon back up to his mouth, to frown at him which made Dave laugh. “Chill I don’t fucking care. Ya know..I’ve been with a few guys myself.” He said as he rested his crossed arms on the table in front of him.

Dude didn’t give him much of a reply other than a eye roll and a shake of the head.

“I mean it. There was this guy back in uhh the ‘70s or later on I met at this protest or some kinda free love thing and he was just jacked man I mean like-”

“Please stop.” Dude finally spoke. Dave rolled his eyes and smiled. “Just saying. Was trying to make you feel better.”

“Well… it wasn’t helping.” Dude replied as he took another bite of his food.

That was another thing. When he used to visit him, Dude refused to eat to the point where it highly irritated the nurses. It got really concerning for awhile with how weak and skinny Dude had gotten..He wasn’t sure what had suddenly changed now though. He wasn’t complaining of course. He hated to see Dude do that to himself. All he could guess was either a therapist got through to him or his little lover boy had talked him into it. Whatever or whoever caused the change made him feel thankful though.

“Whatever you say man…” Dave responded.

He also couldn’t help but to notice how the food looked a lot better than the crap they usually cooked. Damn they really tried to put something nice together this year for everyone. He’d have to mention something about how he really appreciated them doing all this this year but man..if it didn’t make him hungry himself. If he’d only brought something..

Oh, wait he did. Not food though. Rather, he’d managed to forget about the gifts bags that still sat on the table.

“When you’re done you can open your gifts already. I can’t stay very long today.” Dave said as he scooted the presents closer towards Dude. At this Dude raised a eyebrow and sat his fork down again before he took hold of one of the bags. “Why?”

“I’m picking up your brother at the air port afterwards. He flew in to spend a couple days with me and some of your cousins.” He responded. The conversation also reminded him to also check the time on his watch. Seeing that he had more than enough time still, he sat his arm back down and glanced back up to Dude who looked like he had something on his mind.. he knew that one stare he was doing right now never meant anything good.

“Oh..He’s going to be around for awhile? That’s nice.” He mumbled. Before Dave could reply Dude suddenly looked him directly in the eyes and spoke clearly. “Does he hate me? Does he know what I did?”

Dave sighed. There was a reason he barely ever brought him up. He knew how much Dude loved his brother. They two had been glued at the hip basically until his own jackass of a brother decided to up and leave and somehow managed to just only take Shtopor with him. Honestly Dave seriously believed that had been one of the first things that led to Dudes downfall. Dude had already been lonely enough as it was even when his brother lived with him so him just being whisked away.. the only person Dude ever really connected with to Dave’s knowledge.. it was truly awful. Not to mention Dude having to deal with the fact that instead of his Dad taking both sons, he only took one.

“No. He doesn’t hate you. Just the other day he was telling me how he missed you.” Dave decided to reply. Yes, Shtopor knew of what Dude had done. It was all wide spread news. But truthfully, Shtopor sounded like he held similar feelings as Dave did about the whole thing. They were the only two people in the whole family that felt similarly basically. Though there wasn’t much of a family to begin with and most people who Dave still hung around never even wanted to mention Dude.

“Are you telling the truth?” Dude asked as Dave noticed him, gripping onto the gift bag a bit tighter. This is exactly why he didn’t wanna talk about him often. He knew it was probably still a really sore spot for him but he did have some news that would cheer him up a bit.

“I promise. We even were thinking maybe we could see if they’d let him come see you for a bit while he’s in town.”

The news made that glazed over look in Dudes eyes suddenly disappear as his expression softened into one of a mixture of hope and surprise. “Really?” He asked in almost a pleaful tone as he let go of the bag and Dave couldn’t help but to smile again. “Mhm. But- don’t get your hopes up okay? I haven’t asked anyone working here if that’s okay yet alright?” he warned. Honestly more than likely he would get his way with some smooth talking but he did need to make sure not to get Dudes hopes up too much. The last thing he needed was for Dude to think of him as a liar or see him or his own brother in a negative light.

It slightly pained Dude to hear but he nodded anyways and finally brought one of the gift bags into his lap before he pulled the first thing out; a wolf plush. If there was one thing that Dude had always liked for the whole time Dave had known him, it was wolves. The kid would practically light up each and every time he saw something with them on it and could tell you pretty much every little thing about them.

He held up the plush for a moment before speaking. “Looks like a Interior Alaskan wolf.” He pointed out before checking the tag to see if it actually clarified what type of wolf it was. For Dave, all he knew was a wolf was a wolf, but hey good on Dude for knowing the differences between them all. “It only says it’s a wolf…huh.” He muttered before setting it on the table. “Thank you though. He’s really cute.”

Dave shrugged. “No problem. That ain’t all I got you though. You got another bag once you get through that one.”

Dude continued to go through the one he held. He received some money for the stupid coke and snack machines here, a krotchy plush which he immediately hid back into the bag which made Dave cackle, a couple candy bars, and a few new blankets. He thanked him for all of it before Dave pushed the other bag over towards him too.

In the other bag Dude found two more wolf plushies, a couple DVDs of movies and cartoons he’d like growing up (they had a DVD player in one of the main rooms), and a Christmas card. Opening the card up, what looked like a piece of paper flew out from it. Dude went to get it until Dave lifted his hand out to stop him as he got up.

“Ah shit. Sit down I got it. I shoulda found a way to make it stay in it better.” He grumbled as he picked up the small object next to the table before he handed it over to him.

Once it was in Dudes hand, he realized it wasn’t a odd random piece of paper. What he was looking at was the back of a polaroid picture. Flipping it over, he let out a soft “oh my god..” the people in the photo ‘looking back at him’ were himself, Dave, and Shtopor from a long time ago. Dude actually remembered when the picture was taken. It was taken during one of the times Dude and his brother went over to Dave’s house for one Halloween since Dave had always lived in better, larger and wealthier neighborhoods.

Both of the kids had their arm around Dave who was squatting for the picture to be closer to their height. They all were smiling and Shtopor, being the troublemaker he always was already had chocolate smeared on his costume and mouth.

Dude was stuck between almost sobbing at the sight of happier times and laughing at how dumb both him and his brother looked. He met somewhere in the middle and instead wiped his eyes from the tears starting to build up as he chuckled a bit. Dave smiled kindly at him and patted his shoulder again. “Yeah. Found that while going through a old pile of photos from over the years. Thought you’d wanna keep that.”

Dude sniffled some more before nodding. “Thank you.. really. It means a lot to me…” he quietly spoke before sitting it back into the card and standing up.

His next action really surprised Dave since he really couldn’t remember the last time Dude had..hugged him. Especially in front of tons of people. The photo obviously really touched him so Dave just chuckled and hugged him back. “Don’t mention it. I’ll keep looking and give you any more I find.”

Dude held on for a moment longer before Dave patted his back and let go.

“I would have put it in a frame for you or something but you know how they are about glass.” Dave said looking down at the picture himself. “No it’s perfect. I’ll keep it somewhere safe.” Dude assured him as he closed the card for now and sat it back into the bag.

-

They chatted a bit longer as Dude finished up his meal when eventually Dave checked his watch again and realized he would need to be heading out soon. He still had a little time however so he decided to ask one more thing.

“Well, do you think you had a good Christmas? They really went all out this year, huh?”

Dude took a sip out of the little cup of soda they have gave him and somehow, Dave could just tell that something was on his mind as he looked away from him but just eventually nodded. “Yeah. I guess.”

“You guess?”

Dude sat his cup on the table and sighed a little. “Yeah. I didn’t really get what I wanted this year though.”

“Oh. Uh.. Did I forgot you wanted something? What else did you want?”

“Out.” Dude said plainly.

Yeah, He obviously seriously meant that but Dave couldn’t help but to laugh a little, mostly out of the awkwardness of it. He knew Dude seriously wanted out..anyone would but there was a very, very slim chance he ever would be let out.

Seeing as Dude didn’t crack a smile or anything Dave stopped laughing but kept his smile as he began, “Sorry. But we both know there isn’t much of a chance of that even if we both want there to be.”

Dude shrugged and fixed his glasses again. “Doesn’t mean I can’t want to leave.”

Dave nodded at this. “Yep. We all wish for something.. I wish a lot of things for you too. Always have.” Dave said as he took one last look around the room. That bright blonde hair from that guy Dude liked caught his eyes again. The guy wasn’t talking to anyone though others sat with him. He instead was just finishing up his meal also.

Dave turned back around. “What about your boyfriend? You wanna leave him behind?”

Dude was about to tell him to be quite again but decided against it. He instead settled for telling him the truth. “He wants to leave with me.”

“Aww. And you were over here acting like he isn’t your gay lover.” Dave teased with a smirk.

Dude began to turn a little red again but huffed like a teenager. “Whatever.”

-

Dude tossed his trash away once Dave began to stand up to put his coat back on. “I would stay longer if I could Dude but I don’t wanna listen to your bother swear up and down at me in Russian later.” Dave joked once Dude came back to the table. Dude gave him a grin. “Yeah I wouldn’t wanna listen to him do that either. All he ever knew how to do was swear.”

Dave chuckled and once he was done getting ready to leave he placed a hand on Dudes shoulder again. “Alright Dude. I promise I’ll see you again soon. I’ll try my best to get your brother allowed in too. I’ll see ya okay?”

“Okay. Thank you for everything..I hope I can see him too but if I can’t, tell him I miss him.”

“Of course man.”

Dude looked away from Dave to see his ‘lover’ sitting around where he said he would be and gave him a little wave when he’d looked up. “I’m-uh going to go sit with him now.” Dude said as he picked up his gift bags.

“Mhm. Don’t wanna keep your lover waiting. I hope you get some Christmas lovin’ also man. Must get boring in this old place right?” Dave joked with a nudge to Dudes side which made Dude blush again. “Just go ahead and leave already would ya?” Dude jokingly asked with a slight smile. “Yeah, yeah whatever. See ya soon. Bye.” Dave said as he began to leave.

“Bye Dave.” Dude said.

-

Dave glanced behind him one last time as he approached the door and saw that smile again Dude had earlier as he sat down next to the blonde man. Dave grinned also. Even though Dude didn’t get what he really wanted for Christmas, this new ‘friend’ of Dudes was the best thing anyone could ask for, for Dude.

[f0xy5o1]

HEADCANON TIME BABYYYY

Ok so, I already made a post about Snarl. BUT, there’s been new additions to their story and character, plus this also leads into headcanons about other characters! So, I’ll be talking about Snarl and their relationship with one character in particular, Indien. AND, I’ll also expand on Indien’s character and how they connect to two other characters, Armo and Tuu.

Info about Indien

- He actually owns a log cabin out in the middle of nowhere. He enjoys being alone with the wilderness, camping, fishing, birdwatching, all that kind of stuff. He also owns an animal sanctuary for injured animals. It’s not that he particularly dislikes anyone and wants to be left alone, he just really enjoys the tranquil beauty of the outdoors. Woodcarving, sewing, and all sorts of other crafts are also a frequent pastime.

This leads into my next batch of headcanons

Info about Tuu

- Tuu is notoriously known for showing up to Indien’s cabin completely unannounced. They sometimes even have small disagreements about this but, Tuu always responds with, “You would’ve opened the door for me anyway”. Indien has since stopped trying to argue about it with him. Tuu is also known for bringing his own injured wildlife animals to his cabin, though he’s usually always accompanied with 6 more animals as well.

“My kookaburra is hurt..”

“….Did you have to bring the entire animal kingdom with you for an injured bird?”

“….Emotional support.”

This is yet another fact Indien had eventually accepted.

This leads to a tiny section.

Info about Armo

- Armo is always on the run. Why? Well no one he knows really understands why, not even his closest friends. What they do know is that he own a shit ton of horses and will often leave injured or tired horses with Indien, especially since they live close by. Indien finds it a bit frustrating that he’s basically the resident animal care guy but, it was an inevitability considering he has an animal sanctuary in the middle of nowhere. Armo isn’t around all the time but he does crash at the cabin from time to time if he’s in desperate need of some place to stay that isn’t his own home (for some reason). Despite all the trouble they give him, Indien does appreciate them when they do come by, he even offers to do chores or help with the animals while Indien takes some much needed rest.

The three are very close with each other and honestly, they do make a fairly strong group. Just three dudes out in the wild with no one else in sight. Or so that thought…

Finally, the last bit of info

Extra stuff about Snarl

Before Indien came along, Snarl was used to not seeing any other person for miles on end. They liked the solitude and peace the woods provided them and they wouldn’t have it any other way. But, that was until they spotted a cabin… Angry that there was another person in their territory, they attacked Indien with all the strength they had in them, thankfully he was able to fight back and stall long enough for them to stop. After a long back and forth and a nearly torn out eye, Snarl finally backed away and was convinced he wasn’t a threat. Indien gave them a proper meal that wasn’t just dead birds and bugs and even fixed the botched stitching left after Snarl’s attempted surgery. The two weren’t friends, but they were at least on friendlier terms. Snarl would occasionally come by with a dead animal as an offering of food (even though he doesn’t eat them and already has food of his own) and Indien would do something for them in return. The most notable being the blanket he made for them one particularly cold night.

“Here, I made you this”

“….?”

“Go on, you can take it”

[Snarl takes it and doesn’t know what to do with it at first]

“Do you not like it? You don’t have to keep it if you don’t want-“ [tries to reach for it]

[Snarl backs away and hisses, wrapping the blanket closer to them]

Despite the kind gesture still, Snarl wasn’t too keen on staying indoors just yet.

“You know you don’t have to sleep up in the trees anymore, my cabin is open for you to-“

[Snarl immediately leaves with the blanket to sleep in a tree]

It took a long while but, eventually Snarl warmed up to the idea of being closer to Indien, even to a point of considering him to be someone worth protecting…

This does eventually lead to Tuu and Armo meeting Snarl. They aren’t quite sure what to think about them, even Armo jokes that Indien makes friends with just about anything nowadays. But, they respect that they’re part of the cabin now and is someone Indien finds to be very special. Well, at least Tuu does.

“Damn Indien that’s one weird ass lookin’ cat.”

“They’re not a cat. That’s my friend.”

They’ll come around to them eventually.

[asknarashikari]

Buffabuttface Fell in a Ditch Preview: Part 3: (I'm still thinking of the appropriate name for the title)

i(These new DGP staff members introduced in the previous chapter finally meet Keiwa and Neon, as well as some insight on they were recruited.)

DGP Staff Recruits #1, 2, 3, and 4: *are all stacking up cards in the DGP saloon and no. 1, 3, and 4 are all bantering about stupid nonsense while #2 is just chuckling in amusement*

Keiwa: I checked the cells…so you really did lock him up behind bars in a ditch. -_- *enters the DGP saloon along with Neon and walks up to Ace*

Ace: Indeed I did, he’s been stuck in that ditch in his own cell for at least a week now and there’s no escaping for him either. ;)

Neon: Wow, that long…no wonder he smells like shit. Good riddance to him… -_-’

Keiwa: So you were actually serious about punishing Buffabutt…you’re actually taking responsibility for it…

Ace: I’ve still got a long way to go to make it up to you, we still need to figure out how to revert those Stage 2 Jyamatos back into humans again…not to mention how to fix the mess that Buffa had left us…we need to bring back the victims he killed too, on top of the victims that lost their lives in the previous games… -_- *shakes his head in disappointment and exasperation*

Ace: I wanted to be fair and thought I could keep Buffa in line but…it’s clear that allowing that loose cannon to become a rider again was a major blunder on my part. But you have my word, Tycoon…he’s going to spend his life in that solitary confinement cell for both his past crimes and his failures to cooperate with us. He’ll never be let out and become a Rider again, not without my approval that is and only when it’s really necessary. But I do hope to keep him in that cell as much as possible to reflect on his actions…for always and always and always.

Keiwa: … *slowly nods in understanding*

Keiwa: It’s going to take some time to forgive you for allowing Buffa to become a Rider again in the first place, but I’ll trust you on that…and you better prove yourself, Ace.

Ace: … *nods back*

Neon: … ^_^

(Of course…this is just the preview. There’s already more currently being typed in the actual chapter, which isn’t even incomplete yet.

Speaking of which… oh boy, I think I’m struggling. It’s going to take a god damn while to finally finish making Part 3, trying to come up with ideas for the dialogue and exposition, as well as making it sound interesting and not feel rushed. That and having motivation is another important factor too, is this writer’s block? I want to be ambitious and I confident I know what I’m thinking but I also can’t help but be self-conscious about being misunderstood even though I really shouldn’t give a damn what other people might think.

Also, the fact that drafts in AO3 automatically get deleted within a month if you don’t post it…it puts me under a time limit and it’s makes it a little stressful, hampering my motivation even more. It’s been a while since I’ve even typed up a story ever since…freaking Wattpad which I kinda stopped using and now I remembered the hard way how difficult creating a story can actually be. I might’ve been a bit overconfident, I knew what I was getting myself into when making a draft but then the moment I become stuck… crap. I seriously wonder if you or Franzfan23 sometimes feel this way whenever having an idea for a story or chapter that you just couldn’t finish.

So…sorry. Hopefully I’ll manage to finish Part 3 of Buffabuttface Fell in a Ditch within a month or so… ^_^’)

Ooh it looks good so far! I look forward to reading it!

As for the other thing… yeah, I know that feeling. Writing longer format fics can be daunting when you’re not used to it. I’d only written a few fics when I got the idea for Hidari Shoutaro’s Home for Technically Non-Existent People so it was quite a challenge working on it.

If I can offer you some advice, the two things I found most useful when writing the aforementioned fic was 1) outlining everything first and 2) working offline. 

Outlining just worked for me, it helped organize my thoughts in a way that made sense to me, and I could see how the general plot was going to go without getting bogged down with details. I could rearrange things as I worked on it and change things up as I worked on it or the actual story. I actually had the outline for the fic done before I started working on it, lol. 

And working offline meant I didn’t have a time crunch as opposed to just posting straight on AO3 would. Of course, that also meant I had a backup of my work offsite (and offline, since I actually worked on it using good ol’ Microsoft Word), so if I had been working on it during say the time AO3 went down during the DDOS attack, I wouldn’t have lost anything. 

(It probably also helped that I had a large portion written before I started posting at all XD)

But yeah, just keep working on it! You can do it~ 

[yaspup9000]

WRITERS NOTE: THIS IS NOW PART 2 OF MY RAMBLINGS OF KATAMARI ONLINE, ENJOY

Alright, So, remember I’d mentioned the dating feature in this game? Yeah, there's a dating feature. Now, you might be wondering why that is? Well… I'm not sure myself, but I do know that due to the female player-base of the game, they had decided to add a dating feature so that way couples can be “boyfriend” and “girlfriend.” That's cute and all, however, ,it's only for hetero couples and not same-sex couples. So if you wanted to have a same-sex couple in your Katamari MMO, yeeaah…sorry they don't do that. Which, again, is rather odd since the player base was majorly female.

Oh yea, and speaking of players, let's talk about the cosmics and Cousins! Okay, so before I share my disappointment about the avatar features, I just wanna say something about all of the new cousins and cosmics and their designs: Honestly, I really like them a lot! I think most of you have already seen Mint and Melo, But i think my biggest surprise was Burda. Now I’m gonna tell you why Burda is so special, like no joke: Burda's the only black cosmic person here! I’m not kidding! Like, it really shocked me when I had first heard about her awhile back since Korea and Japan have a habit of not showing decent black representation, let alone having characters with darker skin without being racially insensitive.

(Korea, Japan, and most South Asian culture have an obsession with skin bleaching) I know in most media nowadays, things have gotten better. But for its time, having Burda as a black girl in a South Korean MMO Katamari game is really something. I'll probably talk about Burda in another post because this one's long enough. Okay, so, yeah I love these newbies and all their quirks but what made me feel disappointed about this MMO? Well, there's a lack of customization features.!Yes, I know you can give them little hats and whatnot, but that's not what I’m talking about. Like—Don't get me wrong, all of the Cousins and cosmics—both new and old—are neat. However, what really bugs me is how there's no option to make your own original character. Like, idk man…that's a lost opputinty here. I’m gonna use fer.al and even Roblox as examples. With Fer.al and Roblox, along with most other MMOs, the appeal is that you can make your own character and make up your own story. With Fer.al, you can make your own creature and design them the way you want. And if I'm gonna be completely honest, I feel like Katamari Damacy Online should at LEAST give you the choice to choose The Prince, any of the Cousins, or get creative with it and make your own character. Idk, I felt like they lost me on that.

Now, I’m gonna say that with some of the mapping and hub designs, I personally really like this bit of world-building. I know it's not a lot—but dang it! I’ll take what I can get! Now, for my harsh truth about my feelings on this lost media: Yeah, I can understand why I didn't care for it that much when I first found out about it. If I’m gonna be honest, I thought it would be gone forever and it didn't matter. Along with the fact that for a long time, I didn't really see it as canon, so I just didn't put much attention to it. However, after revisiting it again and really thinking about it a bit more, I felt like there was a lot of lost potential even with how questionable some of these choices were. Overall, I now have an open mind to this and I hope that this game will be found soon. Who knows, maybe one of the archivists might finally find the surviving installer and might turn it into a Katamari Damacy Online rewritten type beat! Also folks, if I missed anything or messed up, please feel free to let me know.

[lookatlavender]

Denial Challenge Update (17 Days, 11 Hours Left) Pt. 1

Yesterday I was super busy again so I didn’t get to start playing until way later in the night. i was kinda sleepy but horny enough that i still really wanted to fuck myself though, so after i put dinner away i set up a warm bath and all of my toys, one of which was suctioned to the wall.

Based on the rule from 💫, i had to hold my toy inside my mouth for as long as I wanted to be allowed to fuck myself. i was originally planning for like 15-20 minutes and thought that would be a struggle, and at first it was. for the first few minutes i gagged a lot and kept having to stop the timer, but once i settled into it and relaxed i was able to stay with my mouth all the way around the toy for multiple minutes at a time.

at some point my eyes drifted shut and i started fantasizing, imaging myself tucked under a dom’s desk with their cock or strap in my mouth. i started teasing the toy with my mouth instead of just holding it there, trying out all the ways i would pleasure them and tease them with my mouth while they tried to focus. i love the idea of distracting someone, teasing my mouth along their cock and pulling them away from their work until they have to pull my mouth off of them, maybe give me a light slap, and warn me to behave myself so they can get their work done.

eventually i was lost in it enough that i forgot to even turn the timer back on, and i was basically just…making out with the dildo where it was stuck to the wall. i kissed and sucked all over the tip, teasing it in and out of my lips and then doing the same down the length of the toy, until i was kissing and sucking around the balls and the base of the shaft

i remembered i had a goal after…some amount of time, and i went back to properly cockwarming the toy and timing myself. eventually i got up to 25 minutes (because i kinda didn’t want to stop), so I moved on to getting my pussy ready to fuck. i didn’t want to use lube so i just used spit to slick myself and the toys up, and then started fucking my boypussy. i started with a longer skinny toy, and then worked up through one more until I finally got to the toy I was there for. It’s a decently sized one with a big swell right under the head, and a curve at the same spot. the head is textured too, and there’s a cute little bow right around the base of the shaft 🤭 (it’s silicone, part of the sculpt :) ) it’s one of my favorite dildos, never fails to make me whine and moan, and cum over and over. Well, normally it does 😈

I did most of my edges with the biggest toy, while using my fingers on my tdick. at first i was fucking myself fast, which felt so good but kept building up too fast and making me squeeze so hard I pushed the toy out and lost my rhythm (this is a common problem for me lol) for the last 2 edges though i slowed down, and on the last i didn’t even touch my clit, just did slow, steady, deliberate thrusts deep into my pussy. i didn’t know if i would like it at first but it ended up driving me so crazy, i had to actively try not to be too loud and wake up my roommates 😵‍💫🤭

the last time i edged yesterday was the first time that I almost came from only penetration. I’ve always had to play with my clit before, honestly i thought i wasn’t able to cum from just penetration. but at least while i’m edged out and desperately horny, turns out i very much could cum just from being fucked 😩😩

that being said though, i managed to be good through all 6 edges and i didn’t ruin, even once 🥺🥺🥺 i was so proud of myself that I didn’t, i thought for sure there was going to be no way I could get through all of them without going over the edge 🙈😇

i’m definitely getting better at edging, and knowing when i have to pull back. when i feel like i’m going to tip over I’ve been repeating “good boys don’t cum” in my head, and it always helps me focus myself and keep control. and it’s also really fucking hot 😵‍💫

I recorded my last edge too, i’ll post the audio of it in another post so this one isn’t confusing 🤭

~

today my 3 edges were boring in comparison, i used my fingers on my clit for the first two. the last one I didn’t actually touch my pussy technically, i was watching porn in my bed and playing with my nipples and that got me worked up enough that I almost came with my thighs clenched together, but i spread my legs and told myself i was good and not to cum, and i was able to hold the edge 🥺

[a-b-overwatch]

I'm not sure if your requests are open, but do you think you can do the same pre-heat scent request but with genji?

(It's been 3000 years...)

The post in question (this one's been Six years; hope i got it right because this request has been sitting in here forever)

As always, under a cut for length!

Edit: future mod coming to say i think i've written out of point. i. um. im sowwy ;A; i'll do better on another post lol

-------

The taste of iron fills your mouth.

Thick, cloying, unpleasant.

Vaguely, you feel your face scrunch up before you spit. Red hits the asphalt in a sticky glob before spreading into a sloppy stain - though, it’s nothing amongst the bodies littering the road, bullet shells glinting around them like fools’ gold in the woozy wash of the streetlights.

Yeah, maybe you were all fools.

Hefting your weapon in your arms, your filthy fingers reload it with practiced ease. There was no time to dally, not after getting into a literal scrap with a soldier twice your size.

Fuck, your jaw still hurt something fierce.

Your comm crackles to life as you inspect your weapon, but before you can acknowledge your caller their voice comes through with a burst of ear-grating static.

“We need backup over here!”

You recognise the voice. Despite its urgency, there's no missing its distinct Southern drawl over the rattle of compressed, tinny gunfire.

"I read you, Agent Cassidy. Send your coordinates and I'll be there asap, over."

Another crackle chases the end of your message and you pause. If someone else in need was closer, it would make sense to help them out first.

“This is Agent Genji. I will be with you when I finish-” He cuts off, and the sound of metal on metal screeches down the comm lines. Silence follows after, and you feel your heart frost over. He couldn’t be...?

“...My assistance will be delayed. My apologies. Over.”

The sigh you release makes your shoulders sag. Genji sounds lightly irked, as if what had happened was nothing more than an inconvenience. He was okay.

“Agents, I have sent Cassidy’s location to your HUDs.” The smooth clarity of Athena’s voice startles you out of your thoughts. Right. You were on a mission, not on some kind of field trip.

“Thank you, Athena. I’ll head over as soon as I can. Agent out.”

You click your comm and find yourself back in the aftermath of before. Adjusting your gear, you wipe at your mouth with the back of your hand. Something sticky smears and lingers along the side of your cheek, but you don’t bother to check what it is. Things like that came with the job description, after all. What mattered now was helping your teammates out.

Your HUD blinks to life and washes your vision with electric orange, several blinking dots giving you the information you need to start moving.

---

The sound of gunshots grows louder as you sprint up the hovertrack built into a steep hill. As your marker blips ever-closer to the highlighted signal, you figure that the conflict is taking place in the opulent-looking hotel up ahead.

You were so focused on your objective that you failed to notice the little red dot tracking your movement.

Pausing briefly by some sort of shattered partition, you ready your weapon and click your HUD. Alright, three of your people were in there, and there were... ten? Maybe twelve others? As you try to figure out the best way to enter, you suddenly feel the hair on the back of your neck rise.

You whip around, but it’s too late.

The flash of a muzzle.

A pop.

The droning zip of a bullet.

Nothing.

At least, that’s what should have happened. As you shakily open your eyes, you realise what’s left of the streetlight is no longer washing over your body. Instead, a shadow blocks out most of the light. The figure before you releases a soft hiss, and fluorescent green gently illuminates the small area around you.

Genji flicks his wrist, adjusting his grip on his blade. The edge is smoking, you note dumbly, and he finally turns to look at you.

“Caution is not your strong suit.”

His tone is scolding, as if this is a lecture he’s given many times over. Something in you finally snaps, and you sink to the ground with a stifled sob. Your grip stays on your weapon even as tears blur your vision, and you feel rather than see him crouch down next to you.

You vaguely hear his voice, smooth and a little robotic, speak words that don’t reach your ears. What does reach you though, is his scent. Underneath the metal, underneath the armour, it’s soft and grassy with a tinge of mint. It’s gentler than when you catch him normally, and you realise that he’s trying to comfort you.

To your horror, you feel heat begin to pool in the pit of your stomach. No. Not here, not now, not in the middle of a damn mission! Apparently common sense and dignity aren’t in your body’s skillset either.

You manage to hold back the keen on the tip of your tongue when Genji gets to his feet, tightening your hold on your weapon to stop yourself from reaching out to him. Thankfully, Genji doesn’t seem to notice. Maybe your scent isn’t that strong just yet.

“We should take the east entrance. The bulk of the conflict is happening on the ground floor. We can surprise them by dropping on them.” Genji, ever-focused, already has a plan of action laid out, and you can only nod along like an obedient puppy.

A soft hiss emanates from his body, your only warning before he takes off with hardly a backwards glance. You marvel at the way his footsteps are near-silent on the stained, cracked tile, and the way his lithe body springs forward like a cat, clearing obstacles with ease. Gods, what would he be like if-

Abruptly, he stops and turns to face you.

"Agent." His tone is chiding, and you find yourself scrambling to unsteady feet in a tangle of limbs. An apology tumbles from your lips as you catch up to him, which he regards with an incline of his head. Genji wastes no time in forging ahead once more, leaving you to awkwardly lumber after him.

---

The two of you manage to reach your destination without being detected – no surprise, since everyone's attention is likely focused on what's going on inside. Peering over the catwalk, the two of you assess the situation from far above. Or rather, Genji does. You’re more focused on the gentle heat he emanates, the quiet hiss and slide of his armour as he moves, and the ever-present aroma of lush mint.

“Agent.”

Genji’s voice, low and smooth, manages to shake you out of your thoughts. Strange. He normally isn’t the type to address you directly - at least, not by such an impersonal title. Does he know that you’re…?

“I’m listening,” you manage to grit out, mindful to keep your advantageous position hidden even with the cacophony of battle ringing around you.

“Good.”

Your instincts almost make you preen under his praise (if it could even be called that), but you hold yourself together enough to catch his next instruction.

“Cover me. I’ll focus on the backline. We can free up some space for Cassidy and the rest to start fighting back.”

Genji gives you a moment to get into position before he dives off the edge, leaving a streak of green light in his wake. By the time his targets realise that they’re under fire, it’s already too late - Genji’s taken them out in a flurry of swordsmanship and shurikens.

Remembering that you have a job that doesn’t include ogling the almost feline display of grace happening in front of you, you roll into a crouch and ready your weapon. Squeezing the trigger, you grit your teeth when it kicks into your shoulder, the dull but familiar sensation sharpening your focus for the moment. There’s something underneath that’s fighting to take over, but you’re able to push it down…

For now.

---

It takes almost no time for the two of you to subdue a few more Talon agents - a fact that you’re thankful for, because your vision is starting to cloud and your tactical gear is beginning to feel like a suffocating prison. Sweat drips down your nose and trickles down your neck in unpleasant rivulets. It soaks into your underclothes and makes them stick, bunching up in ways that makes your skin crawl. Vaguely, you hear someone panting - is that you? It takes everything in you to stay focused, hunched over into a tight little ball in the corner of the catwalk you were asked to stay at. Why were you staying there again? Something about support…?

At that moment, a familiar scent wafts past your nose.

Metal, grass, mint.

Somehow, Genji is by your side the next time you blink. His armour is stained with dirt and blood - an outcome of the work he just carried out. Despite this, his soft, lush scent persists, utterly enticing to the omega inside you that wants nothing but to rip off your gear, present yourself to him.

Saliva floods your mouth, threatening to spill down your chin.

By the grace of those above, you manage to keep your mouth shut, swallowing the evidence of your desire. It might be because of your heat-addled mind, but you swear that you see his visor flash, swear that his scent grows just a little bit stronger.

Suddenly, you make out a jumble of noises that sound like your name. Huh? Was someone calling you?

The sound repeats, and you realise that Genji is the one trying to get your attention. Heat rushes to your face, and your tongue feels thick and clumsy as you try to answer. You want to assure him that you're fine, that you'll continue to support him from above.

To your horror, the only sound you make is a whine - needy and undeniable.

No. No no no no! This isn't part of the plan! You're on a mission, for goodness sake. This is the last place you need your biology putting everyone at risk. Shame quickly makes your eyes grow hot, and you duck your head to stare stubbornly at the cracked tile beneath you. If Genji was going to regard you with any sort of disgust, you would rather have Talon execute you right where you were standing.

The sounds of the battlefield feel muffled through the cotton clouding your mind and the painfully awkward atmosphere does nothing to help that. You don't dare to lift your head, certain that you'll disintegrate the instant your eyes meet Genji's.

Suddenly, you feel something warm and soft wrap around you and almost instantly, you're enveloped by that awful, wonderful, distracting scent.

“Stay close to me. I will protect you.”

[thicctator]

A post about how life changes and how I’m actually feeling worthy of being alive even if I still feel adrift in a world I don’t quite fit in. I needed to get this out of me and into the digital ocean to give me back some brain space and maybe spread a little love.

Tw: this post will talk about suicidal ideation and mental health - not explicitly detailed - if you’d like to skip those bits please skip past the bits between the (xx) marks.

That being said, I want this to be a post about optimism and a general feeling I have about my place in the world. It’ll be a long one, I’m not even sure if it’s worth reading.

I really hope it is, also that it’s worth sharing.

I’ll give a TL;DR: I finally feel *alive*, I still don’t know what I’m doing with myself or how I got here but I did and I want people to know, strangers and loved ones alike, I care about you. I hope 2024 is better for you than 2023, well done for making it this far.

It’s the very early hours of the last day of 2023, I can’t sleep, but that’s fine. One of my cats is asleep on my ankles, he’s snoring, it’s soothing. Sometimes I like to lay in bed anyways with my eyes closed - if I can’t sleep, I can at least close my eyes and try.

I turn 30 next year.

I get married.

I finally have things I *like* about myself, about my interests, my appearance, my place in the world.

A world that has always felt alien to me. Not just because of my neurodiversity but because I didn’t intend to be here this long.

(xx)

I wasn’t diagnosed with ADHD until I was 28. I have a ream of other physical and mental health issues that whilst chronic, are manageable now.

I didn’t live in a good position before I moved out with my partner. I hated everything about myself.

Every attempt to get a better job so I could leave that went wrong made me sicker. Every fight with a family member. Every cancelled plan to fit to another person’s schedule. Every horrible comment, snide look. Every time I’d hear other people’s criticisms of me built up.

I had a plan. I guess I still do, it’s still perfectly actionable.

Now that plan is less of a focus. It’s still there, a little pop up thought, but now I have ways to remind myself it’s just a thought. I have support and a better understanding of what the beginning of my decline looks like.

(xx)

Life’s weird when you didn’t plan to make it this far.

It’s weird to work out career progression, housing, long term plans and such when you didn’t consider them in your 20s like most people because you were too ill and wanted to not be here.

I like to drift along in the wind on some stuff even now. My brain can only handle so many things at once and the damage caused by my health means I know to play within my limits. But alas.

I happened across my career I do (product analyst - sounds kinda dull, huh?) after going “oh that sounds kinda cool” and applying having only met half their criteria. The manager took a chance on me, the company I work for turned out to be exceptionally kind and generous and understands I need support.

I got rejected, made redundant and worked soul crushing jobs far more times than I can count before this, so I count the good fortunes here every day.

Each time I have a bad work day, I remind myself it’s just a bad day, not a bad reflection of me.

My partner is the sweetest soul, kind, gentle, full of warmth. Patient and nurturing. He’s handled a lot from me, helped me through a lot too. He was the first person I tried to explain my thoughts on my gender/sexuality and how I view myself and my health to, who’s seen me grow and change over the last decade.

This wonderful soul wants to marry me. He wants to be my husband. He fills me with warmth each time he laughs at something silly, or politely sits with me in a quiet space and let me just *exist* with him.

The life I’ve built isn’t extravagant. It’s not anything you’d see on a heavily curated social media page.

It’s comfortable. It’s colourful now. It’s full of little acts of kindness and care I didn’t get to experience when I was younger, of silly little trinkets I always wanted. It’s the love I feel when I wake up to my cat snuggled up in the blanket with me, to the quiet time to do a hobby. To the giving a compliment to a stranger or smiling at my own reflection for the first time ever.

It’s sending photos to my friends of my silly little creations, of sharing interests. It’s the friend who thanks me for thinking of them or to the understanding of my partner when I say “I don’t feel well” or “I don’t want to do that, why not go alone and enjoy yourself?”

It’s to being optimistic about my space in the world. To deciding it’s fine that I don’t know what I’m doing yet, I’m still here.

It’s to my cats. Particularly my black cat, who, when I seriously hit my lowest looked at me with his tongue sticking out and I laughed. I paused and I just…wanted to make him proud of me.

Archie, I love you. I’m proud of you. I’m proud of me too now.

—

I’m not inspirational, I’m just a chubby lil queer who’s “so indecisive I can’t decide on a gender” (an affectionate quote from a good friend). But I want to give a bit of advice and love from someone who’s been in the depths of mental health’s abyss and who knows I could very easily go back.

It’s okay, to not know what to do in a situation. To not know how to fix your life. To be overwhelmed. To not have the picture perfect life. It’s okay to aim just for existence. To just “be” in the world.

Find joy in small things. Things that make *you* as a person happy. Don’t conform to others and what they want of you.

Sometimes you just need to find a way to make a thing work for you - I had my entire chest tattooed just to ease dysphoria and make ease with myself and now I have cool art on my skin and I get to go “wow that’s a colourful thing. I am art. I am a beautiful expression of art.”

Oh and my best advice: half doing something is better than not doing it at all. Can’t face washing the pile of pots, just clean off that plate you need or graze out the fridge for some food. Can’t shower today? Try just to wash your face or change your clothes. Be proud of everything small you achieve.

I lost a tooth from not brushing my teeth during my worst times, ya know. Even now I tell myself “it’s better to brush for 30 seconds than not at all” and yeah, I’m proud and smiling like a goofball at myself when I muster the energy and brain bees to remind me to brush my teeth at lunchtime on the low energy days.

—————

The horrors persist but so did I. Fuck the world that told me no or that I wasn’t enough.

I’m cosy now.

It’s all I wanted. It’s worth it. I’m worth it.

Even if we’ve never met before, person who may or may not read this, I want you to know I care. I care because I hope 2024 is better for you. I’m proud of you for getting this far.

Anyways, I’m done reflecting and taking up your time. I’m going back to closing my eyes and hoping for rest.

Here’s a picture of Archie as thank you for your time: