#i wrote this in the tags of a recent post but i can't stop thinking about it

[happyk44]

Nico’s love for Percy is rooted in worship, and Percy’s love for Nico is rooted in guilt.

[seventh-district]

wow!!! nothing better than watching your AO3 subscribers stat go down every time you post a new chapter of your current fic!!!

[lovelyhan]

— again and again ⟢

pairing: mingyu x reader

summary: your mother calls one day, asking if you’re bringing mingyu along for chuseok this year. in your panic, you end up giving her an affirmative—never mind the fact that you and mingyu have stopped seeing each other over half a year ago.

word count: 15.7k words

tags: exes, fake dating, mutual pining, idol!gyu, vet!reader, mild angst, fluff, smut

warnings: medical jargon, mentions of shots (for pets), mentions of snake bites, graphic sexual content (minors dni!!)

notes: i wrote this with bss' 7pm on loop for two straight days. nothing like the sweet taste of yearning <3 this also wasn't extensively proofread, so if you spot a few mistakes, i implore you to ignore them EJWHJHSDF

this is part of the doting on you! series.

smut tags: vanilla, mingyu is super whipped, praise kink, service top gyu, dirty talk, nicknames (babygirl, sweetheart, sweet thing), overstimulation, multiple rounds, unprotected sex, creampie, heads up that the filth is at the very end tho

taglist: @cherrycheolie1995 - @ashkuuuu - @potatofrieswithketchup - @christinewithluv - @fancypoisonapple - @odetoyeonjun - @minnie-mouser22 - @etherealyoungk - @davoraciousreader - @mariondior - @hella-sirius - @coveyland - @marlow234 - @dobomiyeon - @belysusonrisa - @wonderfulshinee - @misssugarlips - @yourfavoritefreakyhan - @jeanjacketjesus - @just-here-to-read-01 - @hanihans - @venusrae - @taestrwbrry - @seoksoop - @dreamhannies - @renjunphile - @thvhannie - @kkooongie - @acgyu - @gae-uls - @pluviophile-xxx - @lenireads - @gaebestie - @ryusha-rose - @yutadae - @smileyjimvn

additional notes: you might want to check your visibility settings if you can't be tagged!

When you hear the telltale ring as the call connects to its intended recipient, you wonder why you even considered this idea in the first place. Not to mention, you’re getting a nasty case of phone call anxiety—one that you haven’t felt in god knows how long. Maybe it’s because of the identity of the person you’re calling that your nerves are all over the place. 

In fact, you’re not sure if he’s even going to answer. There are a million and a half reasons why famous superstar Kim Mingyu won’t be able to pick up your call. He could be shooting for a music video or some fashion magazine. He could be in the middle of an interview. Or he could be out spending time with his members like tends to these days if his recent Instagram posts are anything to go by. 

But you try anyway because your mother sounded so hopeful in the phone call you just hung up on five minutes ago (The rice wine he got for us last Christmas was splendid! He’ll bring some again for Chuseok, won’t he?), that you just didn’t have the heart to tell her the truth.

So, because you can’t take back the pretty white lies you uttered (Uh, of course he will. Gyu told me he missed everyone back at home, too. Especially Namja), you’re attempting to rope Mingyu into the charade even if the odds are against you.

The first call doesn’t go through. Neither does the second. 

By your third try, you’re about to accept the fact that you’re going to have to make some due corrections to what you told your mother until you hear a groggy, “Hello?” on the other line. 

You nearly fall off your seat at the throaty sound of Mingyu’s voice, but you’d rather not get weird looks from your receptionist, so you breathe in as deeply (and quietly) as you can before mustering a smile that he won’t even be able to see.

“Hey, Mingyu, it’s me,” you begin, a bit proud of how your voice didn’t even falter. “It’s been a while. Did I catch you at a bad time?”

He doesn’t respond for a while, and the prolonged silence makes you bite the inside of your cheek. Did the call fall through? Did he not hear what you said? But just when you’re about to repeat the words—

“Kind of,” Mingyu grumbles, and you try not to think about how sexy his morning voice sounds despite it being two in the afternoon. “We finished taping a variety show today and I figured I’d get some sleep. It’s midnight right now.”

Well that’s news to you.

“Oh. You’re not in Korea?”

“Nah. We’re in New York for some brand collaborations,” he says, and you hear some rustling in the background, followed by a yawn. “Though I doubt you’ve been keeping tabs on us.” 

Okay, he doesn’t have to call you out like that.

Sure, you still catch posts from Mingyu, as well as the other twelve members of SEVENTEEN from time to time, but…after breaking up with him (on good terms, promise!), you thought it’s best if you didn’t see too much of them anymore. The block and mute buttons are your best friends, and while you didn’t use them on the members directly, gossip outlets were your regular targets.

So to speak, it’s been a peaceful six months since your break up with Mingyu. 

Until now.

“Do you need something?” he asks, and you realize you didn’t respond to what he said last. “Whatever it is, I might not be able to help you out right away. We’re holed up here until next month.”

Well…that’s all the confirmation you needed.

“I see,” you sigh, trying not to sound too disappointed. “It’s— It’s okay.”

“So you do need something,” Mingyu points out, voice much clearer now than it was two minutes ago. Like he was more awake. “What is it?”

“Nothing you should worry about, Gyu,” you reassure before making a face, not realizing how easily the old nickname just slipped out. “I’m sorry for waking you up. You should go back to—”

The sound of him whining at the other end sends another rush of vertigo through your entire being. “Come on, I’m awake anyways right? You know how hard it is for me to fall asleep again.”

“If I’d known we weren’t in the same continent, I wouldn’t have called altogether,” you say before quaintly adding, “Shit. This counts as an international call, doesn’t it?”

There’s someone else in the room with him, you think—a quiet drawl of Mingyu-hyung, what time is it? You immediately recognize it as Seungkwan. 

“Five minutes past midnight,” Mingyu says, and Seungkwan asks another question that you aren’t able to catch. “Who am I talking to? Bookkeu and Bobpul’s worst enemy.”

“Hey!” You scowl at him. “They never even whined when you and Seungkwan brought them to me for their shots!”

“Noona? Why are you calling this guy?” Seungkwan says a bit more loudly for you to hear. “Didn’t you dump him already? Good choice, by the way.” 

This time it’s Mingyu’s turn to utter out a semi-offended, “Hey! Mind your own business, Seungkwan-ah.”

A few minutes of bickering with his dongsaeng later, you figure that Mingyu must’ve gone outside of their hotel room for some privacy. You can vaguely hear the sound of the wind blowing on his end before he heaves a deep sigh.

“Sorry about that.” He coughs awkwardly. “Anyway, if you’re not going to tell me about what you needed help with, how are you? Is the clinic doing well? Did your receptionist finally ditch her shitty boyfriend? Does that one guy with a husky still hit on you?”

You’re a little overwhelmed by the sudden influx of questions. Last you checked, you haven’t spoken to Mingyu since you greeted him on his birthday over a quick text message. But then again, your ex does have a talent for completely ignoring the time that exists in between interactions. Mingyu’s always been amicable for conversation, idol or not, boyfriend or not. 

The mere thought that he hasn’t changed at all makes your heart ache in more ways than one.

You manage a quiet laugh. “I’m fine. The clinic’s fine. Chae has a new boyfriend now. He even helps us sort out new products on the shelves sometimes.”

At the mention of her name, your receptionist whips her head in your direction, one brow raised. You shake your head with a smile, gesturing that this is nothing she should even be remotely concerned about. 

It’s just Mingyu after all.

“Okay, how about the guy who—”

“I turned him down when he asked me out for lunch last week.”

He whistles. “Ouch. And he’s been trying to get with you all this time.”

“I don’t usually date my clients, you know.”

“Yeah? I must be special then.”

Then comes the silence—so thick, you can cut through it with a knife. 

“Uh, so I have a patient coming in an hour for a castration procedure,” you tell him a bit awkwardly. “Gotta prepare everything before the owner arrives.”

Mingyu sighs, and you can almost imagine him pouting. “You’re really not gonna tell me? I can still help you with whatever you need even when I’m out here. Unless it requires me to, you know, physically be there.”

You chuckle. “That’s the thing, Gyu. You can’t help me because I need you to actually be here.”

“Oh. Why? What for?”

You inhale sharp breath through your nose, closing your eyes as your face warms with embarrassment. Chae is definitely looking at you funnily from her station now, but you tell yourself not to give it too much thought.

“Mom asked if I was bringing you with me for Chuseok,” you admit. “I haven’t been home since Christmas, so… They kind of have no idea that we aren’t together anymore.”

Mingyu falls silent for a while yet again, and you realize that your anxiousness spikes whenever he isn’t talking like there’s no tomorrow. You wonder if he’s figured out what you’re trying to insinuate and is silently berating you for the lapse in judgment. But when Mingyu bursts out laughing on the other end, you suddenly don't mind being on the receiving end of his silence after all.

“No way,” he gasps between chuckles. “You were going to ask me to pretend to be your boyfriend over the holidays, weren’t you?! One of the fans wrote a story about the exact same thing once, except it’s between me and Wonwoo-hyung. It was in English though, but Vernon translated it pretty well.”

…Kim Mingyu admitting to reading fanfiction about himself and Wonwoo aside, you groan. “What am I supposed to do? My family loves you. I’d rather not dampen the Chuseok spirit by saying their favorite son has unfortunately made his unannounced exit half a year ago.”

“So you’re willing to pretend we’re still together just to keep them happy?”

“Well, yeah. It’s not like you’re an ex I should be ashamed of, Gyu.”

“Because I’m an idol that millions are vying for?” 

You roll your eyes. “No. It’s because out of all my exes, you’re the only one that Namja actually likes. That’s pretty much the highest honor you can receive in your entire life.”

Your heart does a little flip when Mingyu barks out another light-hearted laugh. You tell yourself that you’re only reacting that way because…it has been a while since you talked to him. That, and Mingyu was always so smiley whenever you brought up your ten year-old retriever.

“Point taken,” he says. “I’d totally be down to help you out, but…yeah.”

“I knew you would be,” you reply, a sad smile ghosting your features. “That’s why I called.”

Silence settles over the line once again, but it’s, by no means, awkward. It’s more…sentimental. Like two old friends reminiscing about the good memories you shared. 

Huh. You’re friends with Mingyu…

“Anyway, thanks for catching up with me, Mingyu,” you tell him before you end up saying something you’re not supposed to. “I’ll get going now. Good night.”

“Hey—”

You end the call before he can have the chance to make you falter.

Right behind her desk, Chae looks up at you with a knowing look. You flash her a smile that silently pleads for her not to say a word, but your receptionist has always been on the frank side.

“Something’s telling me you’re still hung up on him, boss.”

Sighing, you push yourself back to your feet, tugging on the lapels of your crisp white coat. That might be true to some degree, but it’s not like you can do anything about it.

You and Mingyu live in two completely different worlds. It’s something that you both came to terms with when you broke up. You just had to accept the fact that there’s simply no efficient way to work around his busy schedules and the appointments you need to attend to at the clinic. 

It was the most unproblematic breakup you’ve ever had, and it’s with a famous idol. Who would’ve thought. 

“Anyway,” you tell Chae before nudging the door to the operating room open. “Care to help me look for the anesthetics? I can’t remember where I put them away last time…”

Your receptionist is most definitely judging you inside your head, but despite how straightforward she can be, Chae still knows when to drop it. After a few clicks on the clinic’s desktop computer, she joins you on the hunt for that pesky bottle of anesthesia without asking any intrusive questions.

You make a mental note to treat her to some coffee tomorrow.

…

One of the reasons you seldomly paid your hometown a visit is the hassle that comes with the entire commute.

First you have to endure the long queue to get tickets before sitting through an eight-hour train ride to the seaside town of Haenam. Then comes navigating the local bus routes and schedules that always seem to change every time you go home. 

When you made it out of the train station for this year’s Chuseok celebration, you didn’t even bother stressing yourself out with taking the bus back to your parents’ house—flagging down a taxi that definitely charged you a ridiculous rate in exchange for your utmost comfort instead. 

You try not to think about how easier it was last Christmas, when you and Mingyu took turns driving one of his company’s cars on the way here—laughing and singing along to their songs on the road like nothing else mattered.

The scent of salt hangs heavy in the breeze when you unload your baggage from the trunk of the taxi. You had the foresight to make the trip before midnight, so you’re rewarded with the sight of the sunrise breaking through the nearby ocean—light glittering across the horizon like it means to say welcome home. 

That’s what you should feel; like you’re at home. But the fact that you’re about to bring some disappointing news to the table regarding your breakup with Mingyu isn’t doing your peace of mind any favors. 

You contemplated coming clean about it to your parents over a phone call, but it seemed too…impersonal with how attached they’ve gotten to your ex-boyfriend. Having a significant other that your family absolutely adores seems like a double-edged sword now that you think about it.

Once the cab hits the road again, you stand in front of your family home with a wistful sigh. It’s barely past seven in the morning, but your father must already be at the pier—sorting out today’s catch with the other fishermen in town.

Your mother loves taking walks in the market even if she doesn’t have anything in particular to purchase for the day. They’re early risers by default. 

You can’t really say the same for your younger brother, Haneul, though. That one likes to sleep until noon. 

When you ring the doorbell outside, you expect to hear the sound of excited barking from the other side of the gate. Namja was always the first to welcome you back whenever you’re in town, and just thinking about reuniting with him quells your anxiousness a little. But surprisingly, you don’t hear the telltale noise of your family dog’s excitement. 

What you do hear is the sound of the screen door opening and slamming back shut—slippers being hastily slid on before the gate creaks open, revealing Haneul still sporting a bedhead as he rubs his eyes.

“You’re back,” he says a-matter-of-factly, like he isn’t even thrilled to see you, but you’re too surprised to see him up so early to quip about it. “Mom said you wouldn’t arrive until noon.”

“I wanted to make the most of my vacation leave,” you explain before looking around the garden inside. “Where’s Namja? Did Mom take him for a walk, too?”

Haneul hums before taking your luggage. “Hm. You can say that.”

“What does that even mean?”

As if on cue, your ears perk up at the sound of a familiar bark resounding from the end of the road. You quickly whip your head around to see your beloved golden retriever, Namja, wagging his tail excitedly at the sight of you before letting out another woof when you call out his name in glee.

However, the moment you realize who’s holding his leash, you suddenly feel like you got struck by lightning.

It’s Kim fucking Mingyu.

The sight of your ex-boyfriend just...standing there when he told you he was on the other side of the world sends a million thoughts surging through your head all at once.

You try not to think about how gorgeous he looks in the early morning light. Loose, long sleeved shirt that still emphasizes his muscular build despite. Hair having grown past his chin, curling slightly at the tips. And those stupid fucking canines that peek from his lips every time he grins. 

The bastard is just standing there with zero disguises, as if his existence in this place, at this point in time, doesn't throw a wrench in all of your plans.

What the hell is he even doing here?!

“Oh, sweetie, you’re back!”

The sound of your mother’s voice is, thankfully, enough to snap you out of your impending mental breakdown. You were so taken aback by Mingyu’s presence that you didn’t notice her standing next to him, carrying the bag she usually brings for her early market visits as she flashes you a warm smile. 

You can only stand there in shocked silence as your mother makes her way back to the house with your dog and ex-boyfriend in tow. Haneul was already inside, so you can’t exactly glare at him for not giving you a head’s up. But given that you still have no idea what on earth is going on, you’ll play along. For now.

“Are you surprised?” your mother giggles before patting Mingyu’s shoulder. “Mingyu here said he got off work for a while so he could celebrate with us!”

“Gee, I didn’t know about that,” you say dryly, unsure of what expression you should even wear. “I thought he was going to be in New York until next month.”

She laughs again. “Oh, he told me and your father to keep it a secret that he’s going back to Korea anyways. Seems like the surprise worked, didn’t it, Mingyu-ah?”

The culprit himself agrees with a minute nod before loosening his grip on Namja’s leash. 

Your goldie immediately bounds towards you at the first sign of freedom, bracing his paws on your stomach as he attempts to lick your neck. It’s enough to distract you from the current predicament at hand, making you sigh in defeat as you sink to your knees and receive Namja’s slobbery affection in its entirety. 

As you snuggle up to the family dog, Mingyu says, “What can I say? I missed Haenam a lot. The scenery, the family, Namja, but of course…”

You can only sit there in growing disbelief as Mingyu mirrors your movements. He crouches low enough so that your gazes are leveled before caressing your face with a tenderness that’s both familiar and foreign at the same time. 

“I missed her the most.”

This is all a charade—that’s what you can confirm from the limited clues he’s dropping for you to pick up on. You can try to figure out why he’s suddenly here in your hometown—having arrived earlier than you, from the looks of it—a little later.

What’s important is that Mingyu, ever-so helpful, is actually playing along with the act you not-so-jokingly told him about on the phone.

You should be glad. 

…But why do those words make your heart ache anyways?

“Of course you do,” you sigh before peeling yourself away from his touch, carrying Namja in your arms as if he doesn’t easily weigh thirty kilograms. “Come on. Let’s get back inside and help Mom prepare whatever she’s planning on cooking for lunch.”

Mingyu’s smile doesn’t falter despite your obvious dismissal of his affection. You remind yourself that he’s racked up a lot of acting gigs throughout his career, so it’s normal for him to be a natural at this. 

But even if you know that this is all an act, you can’t help the way your heart lurches when Mingyu scoops Namja out of your grasp—the mere brush of his skin on yours more electrifying than it should be.

Namja whines in your ex’s arms, pawing at his chest before licking a long stripe across his cheek. Mingyu bursts out laughing as he coos at him, and your chest burns with an indescribable feeling.

A few moments later, your mother starts gushing about how excited she is to have both of you in the kitchen with her again as she leads you back inside the house. But all that rings in your head is a broken mantra of Mingyu saying I missed her the most.

As if repeating the words enough times will make them come true.

...

It’s one thing to know that Mingyu is in Haenam when he’s supposed to be overseas.

It’s another thing to see his usual overnight bag at the foot of your unmade bed, making you realize that he definitely came here much earlier than you anticipated.

Mingyu is currently in the kitchen, helping your mother out with lunch prep while she insists that you get some sleep first. Though the trains that led to the southern provinces were designed to be more comfortable than the ones contained in Seoul, nothing defeats the comfort of your old childhood bed. 

Except when you’re made aware of the fact that your ex-boyfriend probably slept in it after making the trip all the way here. 

The sheets even smell like him. A hint of that expensive fragrance he never seems to get tired of laces your pillows, and warmth rushes to your face when you realize you’re breathing it in a bit too much. 

So what if Mingyu slept here, right? Your parents’ house doesn’t have a guest room, and this was probably the only room available.

Oh, and in your family’s eyes, Mingyu is still your boyfriend. There shouldn’t be anything weird about your boyfriend, who went out of his way to quote-unquote surprise you, sleeping in your room, on your bed, without your knowledge.

And there definitely isn’t an issue with having to sleep next to him on said bed come nightfall.

You totally got this.

An attempt to dissuade all these intrusive thoughts is made as you unload the contents of your luggage into your old cabinet. It works for a while because all the old clothes you still kept tickled some memories from way back in high school, when becoming a vet was nothing but a pipe dream you came up with after Namja became sick on the day of his first birthday. 

In fact, as you look around further, you’re reminded of just how much time has passed since you moved out. The paint on the walls is starting to chip, and the floorboards creakier than you remember. Even the bed that was too spacious for your liking seems to shrink when you imagine Mingyu sprawled all over it with a blanket thrown over his large form. 

But when you recall how you two somehow made the sleeping arrangement work last Christmas, you figure that there isn’t much to worry about.

Aside from the fact that you’re not together anymore. Fuck.

“Hey. Are you awake?”

You jolt at the sound of a soft voice coming from the door. Mingyu’s handsome face peeks from the crack before he opens it all the way, lips pressed together in a hesitant smile.

“Your mom asked if I could fetch your father at the pier in a few,” he says. “Do you want to come with me or do you want to get some sleep first?”

“Do I want to—” you cut yourself off, throwing your hands up in disbelief. “Mingyu, what I want is for you to explain what you’re doing here.”

He cranes his head. “You said you needed help.”

“Yeah, but I was going to be honest about the breakup anyway!” you whisper, not wanting to attract unwanted attention from outside. God knows this house has paper-thin walls. “But then you’re suddenly here, cozying up to my family like we haven’t been ignoring each other for months already.”

“Hey, I’d never ignore you.” Mingyu pouts. “I even picked up when you called me at ass o’clock in the morning, remember? If someone’s ignoring anyone here, it’s you, sweetheart.”

You hate how you bristle at that little pet name. Mingyu doesn’t seem to notice how you react to it, so you steel yourself instead—refusing to give into his unintentional charms. “That’s not the point and you know it, Mingyu. You can’t blame me for reacting this way when you told me that you wouldn’t be able to help me out.”

“But I’m here, right? I thought you’d be a little happier to see me, but I might have been overestimating myself.”

You are. You are happy to see him. 

But having to live with the knowledge that Mingyu is right here, close enough for you to touch, yet can’t because your relationship has long expired? 

You weren’t ready for that. You don’t think you’ll ever be.

“Look,” he starts with a tone that’s meant to placate you, “you were right about not wanting to ruin the holidays with the breakup. I’m just here to help you out since you’re obviously not ready to break the news to your family. It’s not a big deal.”

You scowl at him. “Mingyu, it is a big deal. You are literally an idol with a packed fucking schedule. You can’t just play house with me here when you’re expected to be somewhere else.”

Mingyu shakes his head. “Listen to me first, okay? We were all given the weekend off because of Chuseok on short notice. You don’t have to worry about you unknowingly stealing me away from work because there is no work. Besides, I told you I’d still be here when you need me, right?”

How can he say all that with a straight face? Like he still thinks of you as anything but an old flame that’s long been snuffed out?

The problem with Mingyu is that he’s too earnest for his own good. Always wearing a spectrum of emotions on his sleeve. Always so honest about what he feels about certain things. It’s so fucking difficult to stand your ground against someone who’s nothing but forthcoming about every aspect of his life. 

But it’s not like you could ever resist him to begin with, right?

“Fine,” you grumble. “Give me a few minutes to prep. I don’t want to go out in the docks wearing this many layers anyways.”

You hate how your chest warms when Mingyu’s eyes light up at that. Fight back, maybe?!

He looks like he’s about to say something when an abrupt knock disturbs the quiet atmosphere of your room. From how annoyingly long it lasts, you single out your younger brother as the perpetrator.

“You better not be making your firstborn in there,” Haneul drawls from the other side. 

Mingyu flashes you a mischievous smile before cupping the sides of his hands over his mouth. “We might be making our second born for all you know.”

You won’t survive this weekend. You really won’t.

…

“Remember when we used to eat ice cream by the Han River?” 

You flash Mingyu a perplexed look as you climb out of the car he used to drive all the way to your hometown. It’s a mystery how his manager allows him to go places with their company car with no supervision, but it’s not like Mingyu has done anything in the past to warrant that kind of surveillance anyway.

Besides, if he’s spending the entirety of Chuseok with a bunch of bodyguards lingering around your house, you might actually force him to go back to Seoul altogether.

“Why’d you bring it up?” you ask. “I thought you didn’t like those kinds of dates ‘cause you had to amp up the disguises and everything.”

Mingyu pockets the keys to the car before leaning against the metal railings installed along the pier. Your father is yet to show up at your rendezvous point, so you figure it wouldn’t do anyone harm to entertain Mingyu’s attempt at small talk. 

“Hmm. While I did prefer just cuddling in the dorms and at your place, it always felt a little different whenever we went out together,” he muses, the wind tossing his hair around slightly before turning to look at you. “How about you? Do you have any favorite date of ours in particular?”

You sigh, unsure why he’s even asking you all of this. Yet you indulge him anyway with, “I don’t think it classifies as a ‘date’, but I kinda liked it whenever you hung out with me in the clinic while I tended to some patients. Even if your presence there is an occupational hazard in itself.”

He snickers to himself, and you know damn well he still remembers the flock of fangirls that ran into him in the waiting room when Mingyu paid you a visit out of boredom. Thankfully, they were the respectful kind, and promised not to divulge information about Mingyu’s whereabouts whenever they catch him at your clinic.

“The dogs are always happy to see me,” he chuckles. “The cats, not so much. Oh, but remember when someone brought in their pet snake? I think that one had a crush on me.”

You do, in fact, remember the day Mingyu got bitten by a boa constrictor named Yujin. Her owner is one of your regulars, since other vets in the city don’t have reptiles under their area of expertise. Yujin hasn’t bitten anyone since she first came for a checkup, so you figure that Mingyu must have done something pretty stupid to provoke the aggression. 

“You better be glad constrictor bites aren’t venomous,” you point out with an airy laugh. “Not even a true love’s kiss can cure a venomous snake bite.” 

“It can cure a handful of other things though.”

You turn to glance at Mingyu with a miffed look at his attempt at smooth-talk. He’s always been this way, so it doesn’t particularly faze you. But it still feels surreal to be talking with him right next to the open sea in your hometown as you both wait for your father to arrive.

“I never really got to ask,” you murmur, eyes still trained on a flock of seagulls huddling together near the docks. “How are you? You’re not burning yourself out again, are you?”

You don’t see it, but Mingyu smiles to himself. “It’s in our job description to push ourselves past the limit, you know. But…honestly? It’s been pretty lonely.”

You make a face at that. “Lonely? You’re literally with twelve other guys, like, eighty percent of the time. How does it ever get lonely?”

Mingyu hums before leaning further over the railing. He looks up at the clear blue sky, breathing deeply with his eyes closed, and for a moment, you’re a bit taken aback by how breathtaking he looks under the spill of morning sunlight. 

“You can still get lonely in the middle of all the noise,” he murmurs. “That’s why I was kind of glad I got to go back here for a while. I know I said I meant to help you out, but there might’ve been some selfish reasoning behind the choice, too.”

Your gaze softens at his words. Mingyu is one of the most intensely passionate members of their group, so it’s not hard to believe that he’s also one of those that ends up feeling this way. You remember having a similar conversation with him during a quiet night in your apartment, limbs tangled together under the sheets as he wonders if your lives would be different if he wasn’t an idol.

But of course, it’s your job to remind him that, even if it could become exhausting at times, he once dreamed of being where he is now. 

“They probably miss you already,” you say. “Don’t you guys usually film content for Chuseok?”

“Yeah, but all of that’s prerecorded. They’re all with their families right now, too.” 

“Really? What are you doing here then?” you tease.

Mingyu tilts his head to the side, lips curved into a lopsided smile that reminds you how it felt to catch feelings for him the first time.

“Who ever said you aren’t family?”

Unfair. He’s being so fucking unfair right now.

But you can’t even think about pushing him into the sea because your father has already made his entrance, waving at the two of you despite his hands being full of fishing paraphernalia. 

He sulks about how it took you so long to go back home, and you had to explain that things have been extra hectic at your clinic, especially when you inevitably earned the reputation of being ‘SEVENTEEN Mingyu and Seungkwan’s trusted veterinarian’ despite neither of them having dropped by since the breakup.

You don’t tell them that last part though. The last thing you need is for Mingyu to have something to gloat about.

“It’s a miracle how those nasty paparazzi folks from Dispatch haven’t caught on yet,” your dad says before climbing into the backseat of Mingyu’s company car. “Unless you’re already in cahoots with them? Remember, Kim Mingyu, leave my daughter out of any celebrity gossip! She’s already built a good name for herself.” 

A throaty laugh rumbles in Mingyu’s chest as he pulls out into the street. “You don’t have to worry about that, sir. Protecting her has always been my top priority.”

Your father nods, seemingly pleased with his response. “Damn straight.” 

You don’t express any outward reaction to what Mingyu just told your dad, but you don’t resist when he reaches for your hand over the center console. 

The moment you he squeezes your fingers, you squeeze back. 

…

The rest of the day is packed with preparing lunch and dinner options for your other relatives in town. Having Mingyu on board is an undeniable asset, since the man knows his way around the kitchen even better than you do. It’s a little endearing to think that, even if it’s the first time he’s meeting your aunts and uncles and cousins, his personality makes him fit right in. 

Turns out, one of your cousins’ daughters is a huge fan, and she couldn’t believe her eyes when she saw Kim Mingyu smoking fish in the backyard of your parents’ house. She made him promise to sign one of her photocards before they leave—a request that your ex is all too happy to oblige. 

By dinnertime, most of the guests have already left, and it’s just you, Mingyu, and Haneul sharing the rice wine Mingyu brought for the occasion, with your parents having already retired for the night. You didn’t even tell him that your Mom wanted another taste of it, yet he delivered anyway. 

“How are you guys doing it?” Haneul whines, a bit red in the face since he’s already had a few beers before your cousins all left. “When my ex-girlfriend moved to another city, it only took two weeks for us to break up. Long distance is the bane of everyone’s existence.”

“Everyone but ours,” Mingyu says before clinking his glass with yours. “You just have to communicate with each other constantly. If you’re honest about everything both of you are feeling, then it’ll be easier to work things out together.”

It’s so easy for him to say these kinds of things. As if your relationship didn’t go to ruin because of the long distance that always kept the two of you apart. You feel a bit bad for having Mingyu lie to your brother right in his face, but you tell yourself that you’re already here anyway. 

You’ll just have to fake it until you make it.

“But what if the other party doesn’t want to talk about it?” Haneul sighs, tracing the rim of his own glass with his finger. “I wanted to make it work. I really did. But she… She didn’t even want to try anymore. Lost faith in us so quickly, I could hardly believe she even loved me.”

You know Haneul is just drunkenly rambling about his grievances with his ex. He called you about it a few years ago, long before you even met Mingyu, and you consoled him by saying that his ex-girlfriend never deserved his love in the first place.

But even if you know the circumstances that led to your split with Mingyu are completely different, you can’t help but find similarities between the stories. 

You broke up with Mingyu on the first day of spring. When the snow was just beginning to thaw, and the wind started to bring in a warmer climate. They’d just gone back from tour, and you know you’re not the only one feeling the tightly-wound strings of your relationship beginning to fray at the seams. 

“I’ve been thinking about it for a while now, but I don’t think we’re going to work, Gyu,” you murmured, not having the guts to meet his eyes. “I think it’s best if we just focused on our careers.”

You thought he’d throw a fit. Or at least ask you a bunch of questions. Did he do something wrong? Is he not enough? Yet Mingyu simply flashed you a sad smile before nodding right back at you.

“Okay,” he said with a kind of resignation that breaks your heart to hear. “Thank you for being with me all this time.”

In the present, Mingyu shifts beside you on the table—abruptly startling you out of that impromptu trip down memory lane. 

“Then, you’ll just have to take it in stride, Haneul-ah,” he murmurs before throwing back the rest of his drink. Mingyu manages a tight-lipped smile that pains you to look at. “If you really love her, you’ll respect whatever choice she’s come to make in the end. Even if that choice doesn’t involve you anymore. Even if it hurts to see her walk away after everything you’ve built together.”

When Mingyu turns to look at you, you feel like there’s cotton sticking to the roof of your mouth.

“It’s a good thing I never have to experience that with your sister, though. She loves me too much to let me go.”

Haneul huffs from across the table before rising to his feet. “You two are so in love it’s actually disgusting. You know what, let’s just go to sleep.”

Half an hour later, you find yourself standing in the middle of your bedroom as Mingyu gets ready to sleep. He seems to be talking to someone on the phone inside your bathroom, but you purposely decide not to listen in. It was probably his manager or one of the other boys checking in on him.

You don’t wait for him to finish when you climb under the sheets, leaving enough space for him to occupy on the mattress, should he decide to share it with you tonight. There’s also an extra blanket folded on his side of the bed, since Mingyu’s a notorious blanket hogger, and you’d rather not wrestle that six-foot hunk of muscle for warmth. 

Mingyu takes so long on that phone call of his that by the time he finishes, you’re already fast asleep, curled up while facing the wall so you wouldn’t have to face him. He chuckles, lingering just a few seconds longer by the doorframe of the bathroom. How long has it been since he’s last seen your face under the peaceful guise of slumber? 

It’s been too long, and he isn’t about to pass up on the opportunity to commit the sight into memory.

…

Sometime in the middle of the night, you’re rudely roused by the sudden drop in temperature.

It’s only the beginning of autumn, but you noticed that it’s a lot colder than usual. Even if you already have a cozy blanket draped right on top of you. You sigh, shifting on the bed to get more comfortable before realizing that you’re not exactly alone. 

Much like yourself, Mingyu is blinking out the drowsiness in his eyes as he turns to look at you with a question in his sleepy gaze. You shake your head in a wordless attempt to tell him not to worry. 

“You’ve been tossing and turning for thirty minutes now,” he says, and hearing his throaty voice in person doesn’t even compare to that phone call you shared a week ago. “What’s wrong?”

You sigh. “It’s cold, and it isn’t even winter yet.”

He looks at you for a while, as if thinking of what to say before he reaches out for you and tugs you into his arms. Even if you’re practically half-asleep, the sudden action kickstarts your brain into motion, and you struggle against his grip all while whispering, “What the hell are you doing?!”

“You told me back then I’m as good as a furnace on cold days,” he mumbles as he tucks you into his chest—making you hyper aware of every ridge of his toned chest through his shirt. “If it bothers you so much, just think of it as a favor from one friend to another. How’s that sound?”

Friend. You know that’s all that Mingyu is to you these days, and all you are to him, but even in this drowsy haze you’re in, the word still feels like an insult. A word meant to scorn the time you’ve spent as lovers. 

Just thinking about Mingyu as a friend leaves a bitter taste in your mouth, so instead of answering him, you cave and burrow yourself into his warmth—something that he seems pleased with, if the satisfied sound that rumbles in his chest is anything to go by. 

He holds you in his arms the same way he did last Christmas, but there’s an unfamiliar sense of possessiveness sinking uncomfortably in the pit of your stomach. You know you shouldn’t think of what he’s doing as anything but a favor between friends. You’re perfectly aware that, as the person who officially ended things between the both of you, you have no right to yearn for something you already gave up on.

But when Mingyu tilts your head up so you can meet his sleepy eyes, you don’t even put up a fight when he presses his lips to yours.

It doesn’t seem like he planned on doing anything beyond that. In fact, you don’t think he meant to do it at all. Just a heat-of-the-moment decision that the two of you could just forget about come morning. 

However, the moment he starts to pull away, you force a hand across the back of his head, crushing your lips back together as you hook one of your thighs across his hips. Mingyu groans into the kiss, large hands migrating to your waist as he reciprocates your newfound hunger like you knew he would. His touch leaves trails of fire tingling across your skin, and every time his canines graze your bottom lip, you quietly moan into his mouth.

This is stupid. You’re both being incredibly stupid. The walls are anything but soundproof, and your parents are sleeping just across the hall.

Yet you can’t bring yourself to care. Not when Mingyu is making your body remember what it feels like to have him all over you like this.

You missed him. His heat. His touch. His kiss. Everything. You missed him so much that it hurts. You missed him so much that when Mingyu’s fingers start to glide along the exposed flesh of your thighs, you detach your lips from his before pushing him away.

You missed Kim Mingyu with the intensity of a dying star collapsing in on itself, of black holes tearing through reality, but this isn’t how you should go about it.

“Let’s…” you whisper, not quite trusting your voice to carry out your message. “Let’s just sleep.”

Mingyu doesn’t argue. He rarely does. But neither do you when he tugs you back in the caging embrace of his warmth. 

For the first time in weeks, you find yourself drifting off into undisturbed slumber.

…

The next morning, you’re set to go back to Seoul, and by some stroke of luck, so is Mingyu. Still, the two of you decide to stick around until lunch time—neither of you breathing a word about what just happened last night.

But while Mingyu starts to load both of your things into the trunk of his car, your mother asks you for a favor at the last minute.

“Can you bring Namja along with you back to the city?” she asks. “He’s been really listless before you and Mingyu arrived. Your father and I were starting to get worried, and figured you might have to do a check up first.”

You raise an eyebrow at her claim, not really noticing anything amiss about your retriever’s health, aside from the usual signs of age. He’s ten years old, turning eleven this year, so it isn’t such a mystery to see that Namja isn’t as hyperactive as he was as a puppy. But then again, your mother has spot-on intuition about all the strangest things, so you indulge her request in the end. 

Besides, having a pet of your own to keep you company doesn’t sound so bad.

Fortunately, Mingyu is more than hospitable when you ask if you could bring Namja along for the ride—promising that he’s car-trained, and won’t make a mess as long as you pull over from time to time. In fact, your ex seems more elated with the idea of your goldie joining the road trip than you are.

“I can come visit Namja in Seoul whenever I want now, right?” he asks with a soft laugh, and you wanted to reply with, Yeah, if you aren’t always so far away, that is, but choose not to. 

The two of you take shifts in driving as usual. Whoever isn’t behind the wheel is in charge of entertaining Namja in the backseat so he wouldn’t end up whining for attention the whole drive back. It’s a setup that you’re pretty okay with, since it minimizes any sort of window for you and Mingyu to have a conversation. God knows you’re not exactly ready to talk about…whatever happened last night. 

So instead, you ask him about a bunch of trivial things so he doesn’t get any ideas.

“You sure your manager is okay with you returning the car while it reeks of Namja?” you laugh before switching lanes on the freeway. “He might not take the news that he sheds very lightly.” 

Mingyu chuckles before scratching behind Namja’s ears. “I promised I’d have it cleaned before I returned it to the office building. Don’t worry about it.”

“Hm. Whatever you say.”

By your third stop-over, you decide to give Namja some food and water while Mingyu gets takeout for the both of you at a nearby fast food chain. You stretch out your limbs while your retriever happily laps from his water bowl, wondering how much longer it’s going to take before you reach Seoul. 

Before you have to part ways with Mingyu again.

You’re startled out of your train of thought when you see Mingyu practically sprinting back to the car, his sunglasses nearly falling off the bridge of his nose. Namja glances up at him quizzically, and you have to stifle a laugh.

“Yeah, a bunch of fans spotted me in line, so we might have to get food back in the city instead,” he explains hurriedly as he helps tidy up Namja’s food and water bowls. “Let’s go. I’ll drive.”

After his meal, Namja is sated and sleepy—content with resting his head on your thigh as you watch the streetlights blur past the windows. Mingyu is a much faster driver than you are, so he’s able to cut the travel time shorter than it would have been had it been you behind the wheel. But the lack of anything to do has you quietly staring at Mingyu from the backseat while his eyes are glued to the road.

You can’t help but let your gaze linger on his strong arms, and the fact that you were tucked safely between them the night prior. But that’s your first mistake because now, you’re thinking about those desperate kisses you shared in the privacy of your room. Touching each other like you both feared the other would disappear if you didn’t pull them close enough.

You shake your head. No. This isn’t how friends should think about each other. 

Whatever happened back in Haenam, you’re just going to have to leave it there.

It’s already past eight in the evening when Mingyu eases the car into your neighborhood, and you try not to think much of the fact that he still knows where you live. 

“Guess that concludes our weekend getaway,” Mingyu says the moment he finishes helping you carry your stuff back inside your apartment. “Though it seems that someone’s getting pretty cozy really quickly.”

Namja is already familiarizing himself with his new home, wandering around the living room all while sniffing everything in his path. You stifle a soft laugh.

“Yeah. I guess it is,” you murmur before managing a kind smile. “Thanks for having my back, Mingyu. It…means a lot. Really, it does.”

He laughs softly, eyes trailing around the living room with a curiosity that isn’t so different from Namja’s. “You have your first boyfriend with you now. I can rest easy knowing you’re in good company.”

Your face flushes at the thought that Mingyu still remembers the reasoning behind Namja’s namesake. Namjachingu. When he was still a puppy, you said Namja was your first boyfriend, and that you didn’t need anyone else. 

He lived up to his title for years, too—always acting hostile around past boyfriends that you did end up bringing to your parents’ house despite coming from a friendly breed. The only boyfriend that your first boyfriend seemed to approve of is the man standing right in front of you, just when you thought you would never see him again within the four corners of your house.

“You know,” Mingyu begins, hesitation crossing his face for a split second before he meets your eyes. “My family’s in Seoul for Chuseok, too. I told Minseo to bring Bobpul and Baptori, and you might want to schedule a little playdate between my kids and yours.” 

You raise an eyebrow. “Where’s Aji?”

“Too old to travel around,” he chuckles. “But I’m sure the other two can keep Namja company just fine. Join us tomorrow for dinner. What do you say?” 

You hesitate. This should’ve been where you drew the line. Mingyu has already helped you out of your initial predicament. You really shouldn’t create any more problems for yourself by joining his family for a late Chuseok dinner. In fact…

“What, you haven’t told your family that we split either?” you ask, half-jokingly, half-seriously.

“No, they know.” Mingyu shakes his head. “But they’ve always liked you too, so I see no harm in getting everyone to hang out in one place.”

You shoot him a pointed look. “You know this is just going to make things more complicated, right?”

When he flashes you that toothy grin, you already know that this is a losing battle. 

“It does, but it’s still going to be fun,” he says. “So, are you coming?” 

Sometimes, you wish you never met Mingyu at all. Maybe your life wouldn’t be so fucking difficult.

“Fine.”

…

The next day, you bring Namja to the clinic, and Chae is more than happy to see the brand new addition to the workforce. But while she’s giving your goldie more pets than he probably deserves, you ask if you have any clients coming this morning that called in advance.

“Oh, there’s this one guy who’s bringing in a maltese today,” she says, laughing a little when Namja whines at the fact that her attention is divided. “I think his name was… Seungkwan? Something like that. He has some records from last year, but he hasn’t been back since.”

Seungkwan’s coming today? Huh. Talk about coincidence.

You tell Chae about how Seungkwan and Mingyu belong to the same group, and your receptionist is adept enough to catch on to what you’re trying to say. She’s all too quick to suggest plans on how to mitigate the fans from flocking the entrance to the clinic, like that one time when Mingyu was too lax in disguising himself from anyone who could recognize him. 

But when Seungkwan arrives at your door, you remember that he’s one of the members that doesn’t particularly like being crowded by people, even if they are his fans.

He’s dressed discreetly—dark shades, a beanie, and a black face mask—while carrying an adorable pet carrier that’s probably worth half your monthly salary. Seungkwan is so straight-to-the-point with carrying out his business with you, that it’s hard to believe you and him used to joke around like old friends a year ago. 

But for some reason, when Chae excuses herself to answer a phone call, the façade he puts up falls apart in seconds.

“Noona, you have no idea how much I missed you!” he wails before throwing his arms around you. “Other vets just don’t cut it for Bookkeu! They’re always either too mean or too lax with her. You handled her just right today. Can’t believe Mingyu-hyung always calls you her worst enemy.”

You chuckle before patting his back, and Seungkwan pulls away with a pout on his face. “Hey, you guys are the ones who ghosted me after Mingyu and I broke up. You’re always welcome to come back to have your pets checked—non-showbiz girlfriend or not.” 

“That hyung of mine is stupid,” Seungkwan scoffs as he scoops Bookkeu into his arms. “Well, you’re kind of the same way, but I can’t exactly call you stupid or you might take it out on Bookkeu—”

“I would do no such thing, Seungkwan-ah,” you complain. 

“Okay, it’s just my personal opinion that maybe you two didn’t have to split up at all,” he huffs. “Mingyu-hyung has become more and more listless since you broke up with him. He might look like his usual self on camera, but when we’re not recording anything? He’s always so lost in thought! It gets on Coups-hyung’s nerves sometimes.”

Listless, huh… 

Your mother said the exact same thing about Namja. Speaking of, your gaze drifts over to your goldie who’s staring outside the door to your clinic, like he’s waiting for Chae to come back and shower him with attention again. 

Is Seungkwan insinuating that he and Mingyu aren’t so different?

“Maybe he’s just going through a blue period,” you suggest before writing up a prescription for the vitamins that Bookkeu will have to take for the next two weeks. “It’s been so long since we broke up. I doubt he’s acting that way because of me.”

Seungkwan breathes in deeply, like he’s just barely able to contain the urge to slap some sense into you. “Noona, listen to me. Kim Mingyu is catastrophically in love with you. When you called that night when we were sharing a hotel room in New York, it was the first time I saw him look so genuinely happy for reasons that aren’t related to our music. But that hyung of mine is too selfless for his own good.”

You startle a bit when he suddenly lifts Bookkeu closer to you and points her adorable face in your line of sight. 

“He wants you back, but he’ll never admit it, especially when you made your choice clear all those months ago,” Seungkwan says before pushing his maltese even closer to you. “But now, something tells me that you’re still hung up on him, just as much as he’s hung up on you—if all the things he told me about your trip to Haenam are true, that is.”

Huh. That time he took so long in the bathroom… He must’ve been talking to Seungkwan.

“Okay, but why does it feel like you’re using Bookkeu to threaten me into doing something?” You laugh softly. “Seungkwan, our time is up. And it’s not something we can just take back whenever we feel like it.”

“Wh—! Don’t you think things are only that way because both of you are making it more complicated than it should be?” He sighs, exasperated. “Also, yes I am using Bookkeu to threaten you. Promise that you’ll at least talk to Mingyu-hyung about this? We can’t stand seeing him so out of it anymore. Come on, you can’t resist those cute puppy eyes, right?”

You sigh, half-considering pointing out that Bookkeu is, by no means, a puppy anymore, but then again, you still call Namja that despite being more than a decade old.

“Alright, alright,” you relent. “I’m meeting his family tonight for dinner anyways. Might as well clear the air.”

Seungkwan gasps, a comical expression rooting itself on his face. “See! You’re having dinner with his family, too?! If you’re not back together by the time we fly back to the U.S., I'm never talking to either of you ever again.”

Now, it’s your turn to pout. “Who are you going to go to for Bookkeu’s check-ups then?”

He opens his mouth, closes it, then opens it again before letting out a petulant huff. You can’t help the snicker that bubbles in your chest as Seungkwan tilts his chin up with indignance. 

“Point taken,” he says before narrowing his eyes and pointing his index finger at you. “But I’m expecting Kim Mingyu to come back to the dorms later, happy and not heartbroken. Okay?” 

You raise your hands before handing him your written prescription. “No promises.”

When Chae returns inside the clinic, you physically have to hold Namja down just so she can give Seungkwan a receipt for today’s visit. Your mother was right, he definitely was growing lonely back in Haenam. You haven’t seen him this excited in years. 

Seungkwan bids you another, more formal goodbye, now that you're not alone anymore. He doesn’t need to reiterate what he asked of you out loud—the look in his eyes is already telling enough. 

Given that today is a bit of a slow day, you decide to run a few diagnostic tests on Namja just to confirm whether or not he’s silently carrying some sort of disease. But all his results came out normal, except for a clinically insignificant but still noticeable increase in his body sodium levels. Might have to cut down the treats for a few days. 

Otherwise, he’s happy and healthy ten—going eleven—years into his lifespan. The reason for his lethargy back home must have something to do with innate loneliness after all.

Then you remember what Seungkwan told you about Mingyu. How he hasn’t really been himself since the breakup. You never really felt that during your time together in your hometown. He’s still the effortless charmer that you once fell in love with. The big softie that can get along with anyone and everyone, given the right circumstances.

Mingyu has always been a people pleaser. The last thing he wants to do is inconvenience others. So it’s kind of hard to believe that he’s been so out of it that even Seungcheol is starting to get pissed with his behavior. 

The sound of Namja barking jolts you out of your thoughts before your goldie pads over to where you’re seated behind your desk, whining as he nuzzles your hands as if he knows you’re thinking a bit too hard about something distressful. You let out a quiet laugh, scratching behind his ears just like you know he likes.

“I wonder what I’m supposed to do,” you chuckle. “Maybe I should’ve been born as a dog instead. Thinking about all of this is giving me a headache.”

Namja growls before barking again. Like he doesn’t approve of the idea of not having you as his fur parent. You let out another laugh that’s a lot less quiet before you decide to pull out your phone and shoot Mingyu a text.

Are you picking me up later or not?

…

Dinner with Mingyu’s family is splendid

The outdoor restaurant his mother booked in advance probably serves the best songpyeon you’ve ever tasted in your life. Add that to the fact that they accommodate pets in their alfresco area, this could easily be one of the next places you’ll take your own parents for a meal when you bring them to Seoul for a quick getaway. 

Namja is a bit shy around other animals—a result of being around no one but your family for so long. But when Minseo introduces him to both Bobpul and Baptori at the same time, the two little rascals easily coaxed your senior citizen goldie out of his shell. Next thing you know, they’re running around the outdoor dining area like a bunch of energetic pups.

“Unnie, are you back together with this guy?” Minseo asks in the middle of dessert, pointing her spoon accusingly at Mingyu. “You can do so much better than him, though.”

Their father laughs at their youngest’s comment, and their mother rubs Mingyu’s back as if she agrees, yet still wishes to console her son regardless. Mingyu is simply scowling at his family for how quick they are to throw him under the bus.

“Shut up, you sound just like Seungkwan,” he whines. 

“Well, we’re both right.”

You let out a laugh of your own before scooping some ice cream into your mouth. Then, tentatively, you say, “Don’t say that. Gyu wasn’t that terrible of a boyfriend, you know?” 

“He’s always so busy though. Doesn’t even have time to come visit Bobpul and our other dogs anymore,” Minseo sulks. “He even missed my graduation! Can you believe it?”

Mingyu pouts. “I said I was sorry, didn’t I?” 

She huffs. “Not sorry enough!”

“Well, for starters, even if he is ridiculously busy, he still makes sure to call me before he goes to bed after a particularly tough schedule,” you say. “He also answers my calls even if our time zones are different, and it’s an ungodly hour where he currently is. Then when he finally comes back to Korea, he’ll give a bunch of gifts that reminded him of me on his trip overseas.”

You don’t know what compelled you to do so, but the words just gush out naturally. It was a little difficult the first time Mingyu had to hop on a plane to some other country to film some content with the boys, but you eventually got used to it, and managed to make a couple work-arounds.

Now that you think about it, if you were so used to it, why’d you decide it was best for you to part ways when he got back from tour? It’s been so long that you don’t even know the logic behind the reasoning anymore. You just remember feeling like it was the best decision at the time. And you were right—your careers have definitely thrived even after the breakup.

As you continue telling Minseo and their parents about how much of a catch the eldest son of the Kim family really is, you fail to notice the way Mingyu’s eyes never leave you the entire time. Soft, with just a hint of yearning that you’ll only be able to notice if you knew what you were looking for. 

“Ugh, fine,” Minseo huffs, and you don’t think she and Seungkwan are all that different from each other. “This is the first time I’ve seen a couple that’s broken up months ago talk about each other so fondly, still. You sure you two aren’t secretly dating again?”

“Minseo,” their mother scolds before flashing you an apologetic look. “I’m sorry about her. Minseo’s just been really snappy lately. Must be because she missed Mingyu here very much.”

She rolls her eyes. “As if I’ll miss that credit-grabbing punk. He didn’t even acknowledge me in his latest Instagram post!”

“Speaking of dating again,” their father interjects before taking a sip of his wine. “Minseo’s right about one thing at least. You and Mingyu still have chemistry after so long. What’s stopping you from getting back together again?”

At your side, Mingyu flashes his father a cautionary look. “Dad, that’s a really inappropriate question, don’t you think?”

“Oh, yes, of course. My apologies. This old man is really just…curious, so to speak.” 

He bows his head slightly, and you make a little gesture that insists you took no offense. But the inquiry definitely made you think for a moment.

It’s like everyone you know completely supports the idea of you and Mingyu just burying the hatchet and rekindling your relationship. But didn’t they consider the logistics of it? You’re a full-time vet and Mingyu’s a full-time idol that travels out of Korea at least once a month. Though you’re a bit unsure of it now, that still played a part in why you called it quits in the first place.

Even when Mingyu took it upon himself to drive you and Namja back to your apartment, his father’s question still lingers in the back of your mind. 

What’s stopping you from getting back together again? 

The answer is pretty simple, but it’s not something you’re ready to face just yet.

It’s you. You’re the only one keeping yourselves from reigniting what you once thought was already lost. Your guilt. Your regrets. Your fears. You didn’t need a verbal confirmation to know that Mingyu would drop everything in a heartbeat if it meant you’ll take him back again. But as much as your friends joke about how you deserve better than Mingyu, you’re convinced it’s the other way around.

Mingyu deserves someone who can reciprocate the love he’s so willing to give tenfold. Someone who doesn’t flake out when he needs them most. 

Someone who isn’t you.

When he pulls over a red light, he lets out a sigh as he checks the text messages that popped up on his phone. After a few scrolls he says, “Oh. Jeonghan-hyung texted about some party in Gangnam. Do you want to—”

“Gyu,” you whisper, eyes riveted on the busy street. “What are we doing?”

He blinks. “Celebrating Chuseok together?”

“But we’re friends right?” You laugh somewhat bitterly. “Friends don’t normally celebrate the entirety of their Chuseok weekend bonding with each other’s families. Friends don’t make out with each other in the middle of the night. And…”

You let out a shuddering sigh before adding, “Friends don’t look at each other the way you look at me.”

You can clearly hear the sound of his breath hitching even if you don’t turn to look at him. It seems like he was about to say something in return, but the stoplight turns green, and he’s back to pulling his focus on the road instead of you.

In the backseat, you can hear Namja whining—ever the empath, that one. You immediately feel him pawing against your seat, as if silently asking what’s wrong. Turning around, you give him a few reassuring pats, not wanting to get claw marks all over Mingyu’s borrowed car.

The two of you are completely silent as he walks you back to the front door of your apartment. You know he didn’t have to, yet he did anyway. How Mingyu of him.

When you finally muster the courage to look up at him and bid him good night, Mingyu grabs your wrist—forcing you to meet his desperate gaze. 

“If I told you I wanted you back, would anything change? No, right?” he whispers, voice tinged with so much emotion, you can feel your own heart ache at the sound of it. “So I’m sorry if I’m being selfish for inviting you to every place I could think of. If I want to spend as much time with you as I can because I know I won’t ever get the chance to do so if I let this pass.”

When he presses your foreheads together, the look in his eyes is so smoldering, you can’t bear to look away. This is what a man that’s been yearning for you for months looks like, it seems. 

And you don’t think you can keep resisting him for long.

“Before I get thrown back into that haywire of a schedule again,” he whispers, and you feel every breath fan across your skin, “can’t you at least let me have this? Let me have you?” 

You don’t even know who it is that lunges in for the kiss. The next thing you know, Mingyu has you pressed up against your front door, devouring your lips where all your neighbors can see. But you don’t care. Not when he’s desperately holding your body flush against his as you reclaim what’s always been yours.

He whispers a bunch of things along the column of your neck as he loosens the strings holding your dress together from behind. Some sweet, some endearing, and others a touch too filthy for others to hear aloud. You stifle your little gasps when he wraps a strong arm around your waist, nudging your thighs apart with his knees so you can feel the hardness straining against his middle.

“It’s you,” he murmurs against your feverish skin, teeth grazing across your flesh ever-so lightly. “It’s always been you. And it will always be you.” 

You know Mingyu is a good actor. But it’s so earth-shatteringly different to hear the raw desperation in his voice. How earnest he is in telling you just how much he still loves you without saying the words outright. You can only dream of being as honest with your true feelings as he is. 

But tonight, you don’t think there’s anything wrong with letting yourself fall.

In the midst of your mounting desire for each other, though, a lone whine in the night snaps both you and Mingyu out of your newfound vigor. You nearly forgot about Namja, who’s impatiently waiting for either of you to open the front door so he can finally take a nap. You glance at Mingyu, and he glances right back, before the two of you burst out laughing like a couple of teenagers without a care in the world.

Once you’ve gotten your needy retriever settled outside, Mingyu practically tosses you on the bed the moment the door to your room clicks shut—all too eager to cage you between his arms as he continues where you left off. 

The suit he wore tonight looked a bit too good on his frame, but now you want nothing more than to claw it off him. He chuckles, sensing your desperation as he shrugs off his coat and unbuttons his dress shirt along the way.

“I don’t remember you being this desperate for me, sweetheart,” he murmurs, leaning down to grasp your face as he strokes your heated skin with his thumb. “I can’t say I hate the development though.”

“Mingyu,” you whimper as you guide his thumb to your lips, suckling on it in a way that you know makes him lose his mind every time. “Please. I want you.” 

It’s so easy to be honest with yourself. You wonder why you’ve struggled with doing that for so long, but then you remember that your brain is fogged with desire for the man that’s currently staring you down like he’s doing everything in his power not to fuck you into the mattress right away. 

But at that moment, you throw all logic and caution in the wind in exchange for taking even more of Mingyu’s thick fingers into your mouth.

“So good for me,” he whispers when he sees you inch your knees apart to welcome him in between. The hand that’s not being fellated by your tongue finds its way to the apex of your thighs—cupping your clothed heat in a way that makes you moan around his fingers. “How badly do you want me, sweet thing?”

“So, so badly,” you manage to wrench out despite your mouth being full, rutting your hips to introduce some friction between your aching pussy and his hand. “Please, Gyu…”

When he’s satisfied, his free hand migrates to your thighs, spreading you further apart as he brings his lubricated fingers to your sopping core. There’s something so fucking hot in the way he just nudges your panties to the side—groaning when he finds you already soaked for him. 

“You need something to stretch out this pretty little pussy, don’t you?” he murmurs into your ear, nipping at the lobe just the way you like it. “You want my fingers or my cock, babygirl? Better choose wisely.”

You want to say that you’re too fucking horny for foreplay, but also remember that each time you had sex with Mingyu in the past, the stretch of his massive cock can be quite uncomfortable if he doesn’t prep you. With how long it’s been since you’ve laid in bed together, you don’t want to rush into it without thinking of the consequences after.

So, you mewl, “Fingers first. Then your cock.”

Mingyu laughs—a deep, sexy sound—before planting a kiss on your nose. “That’s my girl.”

He carefully eases one digit into your hole, eyes never leaving your face as he gauges your reactions. Part of you wishes to tell him that he doesn’t have to worry so much. That you still trust him with your own body even after all this time. You don’t say anything aloud, but Mingyu seems to get the gist from the look in your eyes either way, surging forward so he can press his lips back onto yours as he loosens you up.

“You’re always so quick to get wet for me, baby,” he sighs, stifling the noise that escapes you when he slides in a second finger to test the resistance of your walls. “You’ve no idea how much I missed this. Missed you .”

“Gyu, I—” Your breath hitches once he curls his fingers just so, making your legs rise involuntarily off the mattress, but Mingyu pins one of your thighs down with his free hand. 

“What was that?”

He’s teasing. He rarely ever does that. You shoot him a petulant look before taking his bottom lip between your teeth, tugging hard enough to coax a groan out of him. 

“I missed you, too,” you whisper. “You’re the only one who can make me feel this good.”

A dozen emotions flit through Mingyu’s face in the span of a millisecond, but the one that remains is something not so different from longing. You hear him sigh a couple of words that you don’t quite catch before he’s taking his fingers out of your sopping cunt and pulling away from you. Just when you’re about to voice out a complaint, he starts undoing his trousers, kicking them away to some uncharted part of your bedroom before working on the rest of his dress shirt.

Not-so-newsflash: your ex-boyfriend is still fucking hot. 

But he doesn’t seem to notice the way you’re reacting to the sultry way in which he peels his clothes off—dark eyes still trained on your pliant form on the bed. As Mingyu palms himself through his boxers, you can’t help but press your thighs together in anticipation of what’s to come. 

There was a time when he railed you so good, you legitimately couldn’t walk straight the next day. You wonder if he plans on reenacting the whole thing tonight.

“Let’s get you out of that dress, sweetheart,” he breathes before gently guiding you back into a seated position, tugging at the hem of your dress before tossing it to the side. 

You feel your cheeks warm when he stares at the underwear set you have on tonight. Plain cotton panties and plain cotton bra. In your defense, you really didn’t expect to get laid tonight. 

“Doesn’t matter,” Mingyu chuckles. It’s either he can read minds or he still knows you well enough to figure out what you’re thinking. “I’m taking everything off anyways.”

As he makes quick work of what’s left of your clothing, you distantly remember the last conversation you had with Seungkwan. How you told him you’d ‘clear the air’ with Mingyu right after having dinner with his family.

You’re pretty sure what you’re doing right now is only blurring the lines even more, but you don’t really fucking care right now.

You let out a hushed moan when Mingyu latches his mouth onto your nipple, massaging your other breast as he swirls the appendage across your sensitive skin. His free arm snakes itself behind the curve of your waist, pressing you against his firm body while rutting his hips against the bed. 

He’s just as desperate for you as you are for him, and it fills you with a heady sort of hunger that only Mingyu can alleviate.

“Can I?” he whispers.

You feel his teeth graze across the skin of your chest, making your toes curl with anticipation. It’s been a while, but you can’t easily forget how much of a biter Mingyu is in bed. He loves leaving his marks on your body, and even if you always complain about how hard it is to cover them up, you let him do as he pleases every single time.

“Yes,” you whimper, rubbing your bare pussy against the ridge of his abs. “Do whatever you want with me, Gyu.”

The sound you let out once he finally bites down is caught between a yelp and a moan, your fingers threading across his hair as he suckles on your skin. He’s such a talker in bed, too—whispering all sorts of endearments that are too soft for you to hear, but add fuel to your growing desire regardless.

“So fucking pretty,” he says once he detaches himself from your breasts and marvels at his own work. The fruit of his effort is yet to become visible, but he’s left enough angry red marks on your skin to guarantee the lovebites they’ll turn into come morning. “And it’s all for me.”

Lacing your fingers around his nape, you mold your lips together in another kiss, tongues dancing to the rhythm of your erratic heartbeat as you grind yourself against his toned stomach. 

“Mingyu,” you whimper against his mouth—hot and heavy. “I need you inside me. Need to get stretched on your cock.”

He groans again, fisting your hair so that he can kiss you even deeper. As he busies you with his mind-numbing kisses, Mingyu gets rid of his boxers in a flash—positioning himself between your thighs. You nearly cry out when you feel the fat head of his cock sliding against your soaking slit. When he grazes your sensitive clit, you could’ve sworn tears started together in the corners of your eyes.

“Fuck, babygirl, so fucking wet for me,” he sighs as he lays you back down on the bed and eases your knees further apart. 

You bite your lip at the sight of his cock, still as long and girthy as you remember. Mingyu pumps his length all while sliding the head across your cunt, but you let out another desperate mewl to just fuck you already. 

“Shhh,” he says, leaning down to plant a chaste kiss on your forehead. “Let me take my time with you, sweetheart. I want you to commit all of this to memory. Gonna have you feeling me inside you for days.”

And you don’t doubt that. Kim Mingyu has a knack for making it hard for people to forget about him, and if he plans to fuck the shape of his cock into your pussy, who are you to complain?

When you feel his cock catch across your entrance, you genuinely wonder if it’s going to hurt. Mingyu’s attempt at foreplay was cut halfway through because he got distracted by his sudden desire to leave a trail of love bites all over your breasts. But the thing about having sex with Mingyu is that your comfort is his top priority. 

He would never do anything that he knows can hurt you.

“I’ll go slow, alright?” he whispers, and all you can manage is a nod. “Words, baby. You have to talk to me so I’ll know if you really want it.”

“Gyu,” you whine, arching your hips in a feeble attempt to get him to fuck into you. “I’m alright. Anything you do is alright with me, just— Please. Please fuck me full.”

He sighs, staring down like he doesn’t know what to do with you before finally, finally, you feel his dick breach your entrance—pushing inch by delicious inch inside you with restrained hunger. You fist the sheets at the familiar stretch, but it’s not so uncomfortable that the sensation burns. You’ve taken Mingyu’s cock dozens of times before, and it seems that your body still knows how to accommodate his ridiculous size.

“Pretty pussy’s happy to see me again,” he chuckles, his grip on your thighs tightening ever-so slightly. “Still made to fit me so snuggly. Did you miss my cock, sweet thing? I can feel you pulsing around me.”

“Yes,” you drawl. “Missed your cock so fucking much, Gyu. Fuck—”

You feel so hot, so full. It’s like Mingyu’s the only thing you’ve ever known—surrounding you in every direction until all that floats in your lust-addled mind are the letters of his name. Once he buries himself to the hilt, Mingyu doesn’t move right away, still so attentive to your reactions that even if you want nothing more than for him to rail you into the mattress, he won’t press forward until he’s sure you’re ready.

“Is it too much?” he whispers, tucking your hair behind your ear. “Do you need more time to get used to me?”

Something similar to a growl reverberates in your chest as you stare at Mingyu hard. “What I need is…for you to fuck me until I black out.”

Mingyu’s lips turn up into a grin as he shakes his head. “Baby, the last thing I want to be is some sex-deprived savage after we’ve been apart for so long. I don’t want to hurt you.”

Then, he leans forward on the bed again, bringing his lips right next to your ear.

“But I can still make you feel good.”

He prefaces the words with a powerful thrust that you don’t expect, splaying your thighs further until they’re flat against the mattress. The slide of his cock still feels so unbelievably good that even if the sudden stretch should’ve been uncomfortable, you’re too blindsided by the pleasure to notice. 

Your eyes trail across the beautiful man above you as he fucks you in his favorite position. Mingyu has always had a thing for missionary—something about wanting to see your face as he wrecks you. You think you’re starting to share the same sentiment because not only do you get to see his fat cock slide in and out of your sopping cunt, but you can admire all of him at once, as well.

The exertion in those toned arms with every forward thrust. The conspicuous outline of his pecs. That toned fucking stomach. That gorgeous fucking face, so lost in the velvet heat of your pussy—

Why did you ever think letting someone like this go was a good idea?

“You’re going to laugh at me for this but,” Mingyu breathes, chuckling to himself. “I think I’m kinda close.” 

You do laugh, but it’s quickly silenced when one of his fingers finds your clit, rubbing it in quick, precise circles like he hasn’t forgotten how to get you off after all this time.

“I am, too,” you tell him. “Cock so fucking good, you can make me come in minutes.”

Mingyu lets out another guttural noise as he presses your knees to your chest, throwing your legs over his shoulder with a look in his eyes that promises nothing but pleasure. Though his fingers have departed your puffy clit, the angle he has you bent in has his cock easily grazing your g-spot with every thrust—reducing you into a pathetic, mewling mess underneath him.

“Your pussy’s a fucking drug, babygirl,” he sighs. “Haven’t wanted anyone else after you.”

Even in your cock-drunk haze, those words bring forth some semblance of clarity within you. But it’s immediately snuffed out when Mingyu amps up the cadence of his thrusts, fucking into you with the intention of bringing you to completion at the same time he achieves it. Your eyes are screwed shut, fingers finding purchase across the ripping muscles of his back as you babble an incoherent mantra of yes, yes, so close, so fucking close, love how you fuck me, love how you make me feel full—

And then, it’s over—a white hot flash like stars bursting behind your eyelids. You curl into Mingyu’s embrace as your orgasm washes over you like a tidal wave, and he’s all too glad to help you ride it out, pistoning inside your spasming walls with a rhythm that’s starting to stagger. 

“So goddamn tight,” he growls. “Where do you want my cum, sweetheart?”

You’re still too blissed out to give him a proper response, but from the way your legs tighten themselves around his waist, Mingyu figures that that’s the green light he needs to make a mess out of you. Mingyu sighs, burying his face in the crook of your neck before biting down—his cock twitching in the heat of your cunt as his release gushes into you in thick globs.

He comes so much that when Mingyu does pull out of your abused pussy, his essence trickles out of your hole as you do your best to catch your breath. The world is just starting to return to its normal axis in your vision, and the first thing that your eyes focus on is the sight of Mingyu smiling at you so fondly, it makes your heart hurt.

The look scares you. Like he’s about to say something that you don’t know how to respond to. 

So instead of giving him any leeway for conversation, you tug him back down into a tongue-filled kiss, rubbing your ruined pussy across his still hard length as you mewl against his lips.

“More,” you whimper. “I need more, Gyu.”

And he’s all too happy to oblige.

Mingyu slides himself back inside you with an ease that wasn’t present earlier—your mixed arousal acting as a good enough lubricant to accommodate him. His erratic breathing as he fucks his cum deeper inside you only serves to turn you on even more, making another orgasm creep ever-so slightly beneath your skin. 

“Babygirl can’t get enough of this cock, can you?” he sighs. “Seems to me like your pussy never wants me to leave.”

“Yes!” you hiss, moving your hips in time with his as you desperately claw at his back. “Love your cock so much, please—”

“Come for me again, sweet thing, I know you can do it.”

It’s unbelievable how a few choice words can get your body to submit to his whims without much thought. Unlike your first orgasm, the second one that Mingyu coaxes out of you singes through every functional nerve-ending in your body—sending you into a flurry of overstimulation that has you twitching under his touch. 

Just when you thought Mingyu’s finally done with you, however, he suddenly flips you onto your stomach—pressing your chest against the mattress while your ass is high in the air. The sudden change in positions makes your head spin, but you’re too dazed to protest.

When you glance over your shoulder, he’s showing you that same smile you fell in love with a lifetime ago.

“You can give me a few more orgasms, right, baby?” 

When he slides his still hard cock along your swollen cunt, you groan into the sheets—having momentarily forgotten that Mingyu’s stamina can go until morning. If you don’t stop him now, he might actually fuck you until you black out, despite his earlier refutal.

But honestly? You’re not against the idea. Not one bit.

…

When you wake up the following day, it’s to cold sheets and the startling clarity of Mingyu’s absence.

You never minded living alone. You’ve been doing it since your first year of college here in Seoul. You’re used to waking up with nothing but the silence of your room to keep you company.

Even when you eventually got together with Mingyu, lonely mornings have always been a staple, especially on days where he has early schedules. It fills you with a sinking feeling to see that he isn’t with you, but you’ve learned to take it in stride. 

Besides…it’s not like you’re together anymore now.

This is what you wanted, right? For him to not treat…whatever this is as if it’s a relationship thing. The two of you were just heavily pent up, and caved into your mutual desires last night. There’s nothing more to it.

However, when you pad outside the bedroom after shrugging on a flimsy oversized shirt, the scent of pancakes and frying eggs fills your nose. When you see Namja sitting right next to a tall figure hunched over your stove, you can hardly believe your eyes.

He doesn’t notice you right away—too preoccupied with making the perfect breakfast to pick up on your presence. Namja, however, is more perceptive, glancing behind and perking up at the sight of you. He lets out an excited bark before skidding over to where you’re standing, and you crouch down to the floor so you can give him a tight hug.

“Oh, you’re awake!”

Mingyu faces you with a smile that’s nearly blinding in the morning light, a spatula in one hand and a kitchen mitt in the other. It’s the exact same scene that you’re greeted with during lazy weekends where he doesn’t have any work to do, and your chest twists yet again at the memory.

“Yeah, I am.” You smile, rubbing Namja’s belly when he sprawls himself on the floor. “What are you still doing here? Don’t you have to go back to New York tonight?”

“Yes, but it’s still morning,” he points out, and you roll your eyes.

A few minutes later, Mingyu starts to set the table while you wash your hands. He tells you about how Seungkwan doesn’t want to room with him anymore over breakfast because Mingyu takes so long to close the lights when he’s binging a new drama. You tell him to be more considerate of his roommates or they might just dropkick him off the hotel room balcony in his sleep.

When you help him put away the dishes, the sight is so…domestic, it gives you whiplash. Bumping shoulders, splashing water, stifling mutual laughter... Being with him like this, tucked in your own little pocket of happiness makes your heart soar in ways that not even mind-blowing sex can help you attain.

You pray that Mingyu doesn’t breathe a word about it, but of course things don’t always go your way.

Just when you’re about to turn around to give Namja her morning fix of dog food, you find yourself trapped between the sink and Mingyu’s arms—unable to escape the fondness in his eyes even if you tried.

“I think,” he whispers, “we can still make this work. You and me.”

You bite the inside of your cheek. “Gyu…”

You think so, too. With someone as understanding and compassionate as Mingyu, you know nothing’s impossible if you just quit being so stubborn. You were so afraid of him attempting to bring your relationship back to life last night, but…

Seeing him bathing under the sunlight in your kitchen after months of getting used to being alone again… 

Maybe it isn’t so bad to let him back inside your heart.

“O-Of course, you don’t have to answer right away,” he says, turning red in the face. Cute. “You can tell me when I get back from New York. How’s that sound?”

You’re about to open your mouth to respond, but the moment is quickly shattered by the sound of Mingyu’s phone going off. He sighs, releasing you from the figurative cage of his arms as he leans against the sink right next to you—fishing his phone from his pocket before answering it in loudspeaker.

“Kim Mingyu, where the hell are you?!”

“Good morning to you, too, Seungkwan-ah,” he chuckles. “Why? What’s wrong? I told Jeonghan-hyung I won’t be coming back to the dorms until noon.”

“Well, Jeonghan-hyung must’ve forgotten to tell everyone else because the entire dorm panicked when we realized you didn’t make it home!” the younger man squawks. “We thought something bad happened! You weren’t answering your phone last night either!” 

You and Mingyu exchanged knowing looks, and you have to stifle your laughter if you didn’t want to be on the receiving end of Seungkwan’s rage, too.

“Sorry about that, I was a little…busy,” Mingyu supplies. 

“Well, whatever you’ve been ‘busy’ with, you better get your ass back here! Manager-hyung is looking for the car you borrowed, and if you don’t bring it back soon, he’s going to give all of us an earful.”

“Fine, fine. I’ll be back in thirty. Bye, Seungkwan.”

“Hey—!” 

Mingyu ends the call with little remorse before letting out a long sigh. When his eyes dart back to yours, they flicker momentarily to your lips before he leans forward. You meet him halfway this time, pressing your mouths together in a firm kiss.

“I’ll be back,” he murmurs. “I hope you’ll still be willing to accommodate me when I do.”

Though it pains you, he peels himself away from your touch, leaning down to kiss Namja’s head as he gathers his coat in his arms. It just occurred to you that he’s been eating breakfast with you donned with the outfit he wore last night while you’re dressed in nothing but a loose, oversized shirt. The knowledge makes you blush a little.

When you hear Mingyu’s car drive away, you sigh, running your hands through your messy hair. Namja pads over to you, tail wagging as he anticipates another round of petting. Of course you indulge him.

“Kim Mingyu is such an idiot, isn’t he?” you tell your goldie, and you like to think the small huff he lets out means he’s agreeing with you. “Why wait until he comes back when I already have an answer for him?”

This time, Namja actually barks out loud, making you shake your head with a laugh.

You don’t mind waiting for Mingyu, really. He obviously doesn’t mind waiting for you. At this point, you’re at peace with the fact that you might still love him. Maybe, you never stopped loving him at all. Once he lands back in Korea and comes home to you, you promise yourself that you’ll definitely show him.

Again and again.

this is part of the doting on you! series.

[verycoolusername1]

Angel Boy

Summary: In which Luke gets a partner to call his own, making him your angel boy.

Social Media AU(fc is Olivia Rodrigo) - Luke Hughes x Singer!reader

Genre: Fluff

Warning: hate comments(they get cleared tho ofc), swearing,

A/N: I love Luke, and I love Olivia(and Louis, loved him since Enola Holmes). And yes, I did make a cameo in this fic cause why not??

And I made y/n friends with artists I like so enjoy their cameos too. And the podcast I wrote in here is not real(I wish it was) and James does not exist either, Amelia and James are lovely tho I have you know

And for the sake of this fic imagine that Louis is Luke in the photos that goes along with this please!

Also... IT'S LUKE BIRTHDAY SO YOU KNOW I HAD TO DO SOMETHING

Yourusername just posted!

Liked by conangray, verycoolusername1, and 12,854,876 others...

Yourusername: Life lately

Tagged: conangray

Comments

Conangray: Are those my glasses??

Yourusername: @/conangray I have no idea what you mean 😁

Username1: AHHH Y/N REMEMBERED THEIR PASSWORD GUYS!!

Username2: WE WANT NEW MUSICCCC

Username3: Y/N AND CONAN'S FRIENDSHIP>>>>

Tatemcrae: my favorite girl <3

Yourusername: @/tatemcrae my favorite gal <3

Username4: WE GOT TATE AND Y/N CONTENT BEFORE GTA 6 😭 (liked by yourusername)

Username5: Y/n looking as wonderful as ever!!

Laufey: missing you more than ever now 😞

Yourusername: @/laufey I'll visit you soon promise!

Billieeilish: AHHHHH WHY ARE YOU SO HOT 🔥 🥵 😍 😫 😩 😳

Yourusername: @/billieeilish: YOU THINK I'M HOT?? 😍

View more...

In real life

"Hello everyone, and welcome back to My Life is a mess podcast, I am your host, Amelia. And today we have a special guest. We have the lovely and talented Y/N Y/L/N." Amelia introduced.

"Hi guys." You spoke into the microphone.

"I wanted to be the first to say welcome back to the podcast. I missed you tons!" Amelia told you.

"I missed you too." You smiled at her. "It's great to be back."

"So, Y/N, I heard that you're a hockey fan, and you're a fan of the New Jersey Devils. And you know I was just wondering who your favorite player was." Amelia wondered.

"Favorite player? Oh gosh!" You chuckled. "Uh, I would have to say um number forty-three, Luke Hughes. We're close in age, and he's good, really good. I think if I ever met him, I would embarrass myself."

Amelia laughed at your words. "You embarrass yourself? There's no way!"

You shook your head as you laughed. "Anyways, yeah, Luke Hughes is my favorite, and all his haters can just leave at this point."

"I have never heard more truer words." Amelia agreed. "Is there anything you wanna say to Luke if he's listening or watching this?"

You scratched your neck as you came up with a reply. "Uh, hm, I'm single? And I would love to write a song about you if I'm given the chance. A happy song not sad, I could never do that."

"Why did that come out as a question?" Amelia busted out into laughter. "Oh and yeah I'm single? I think."

You joined her in the laugher. "I didn't know what to say!"

3 days later...

Luke was just about to get on the ice before he was stopped to do a tiktok.

James, the interviewer looked at him. "What music do you listen to in your spare time?"

"Oh uh recently I've been listening to uh Y/N Y/L/N." Luke answers.

"Y/N Y/L/N? now that is definitely a shocker coming from you." James eyes widened in shock.

"I mean what can I say? Their voice is soothing and just perfect in contrast to what their lyrics are in their songs." Luke chuckles.

"How do you feel if they wrote a song about you?" James asked.

"Uh I would definitely feel great if it wasn't a sad song, can't be crying to a sad song about me you know." Luke shrugged.

"Yeah I see what you mean." James agreed. "Now get on the ice, you're done with this today."

Comments

Username6: Luke listening to Y/N Y/L/N is definitely a shocker from my little country boy

Username13: @/username6 little?? THAT MAN IS HUGE

Username7: Pushing the Luke and Y/N agenda to a 100

Username8: Hey so um this is actually crazy!

Username9: ONLY THREE DAYS AFTER THE PODCAST HE'S LIKE RETURNING THE FAVOR

Username10: If they don't date I'm gonna riot

Username11: Y/N changed him and they haven't even met yet 😭

Username12: Luke Hughes turning into a pop girlie was not on my 2024 bingo card

Username14: @/username12 I don't think it was on anyone's 😭

Username15: Y/N is gonna freak when they see this

Username16: @/username15 oh for sure lmaooo

2 months later...

Gossippage101 just posted!

Liked by ynfan101, thatshouldbeme, and 145,763 others...

Gossippage101: Singer Y/N seen out recently with their mysterious man... could we see a love album come out of this?? 👀👀👀

Comments

Username17: dare I say that's Luke Hughes?

Username18: @/username17 WAIT NO YOU MIGHT BE ON TO SOMETHING

Username19: @/username17 FROM THE PODCAST TO THE INTERVIEW THIS CANNOT JUST BE A ONE TIME THING

Username20: Already with a new man? Haven't even been a year. 😒

Username21: @/username20 Yeah, and Luke hughes? He stooped so low. He could do so SO much better.

Username22: they seem like a weird fit but if they're both happy then...

Username23: @/username22 who cares if they're happy yn is going to break Luke's heart and make him the villain like they always do with their albums

Username24: @/username23 I know damn well you ain't talking, Y/N doesn't sing about their exes all the time so just shut your mouth cause you'll never be as successful as them or Luke for that matter

Username25: @/username24 WHAT'S THE SQUARE ROOT OF 64 CAUSE YOU ATE AND LEFT NO CRUMBSSS

username24: @/username25 thanks queen <3

7 months later...

Yourusername just posted!

Liked by: lhughes_06, junialin, and 11,478,952 others...

Yourusername: Game day!!

Comments

Tatemcrae: FIRSTTTTTTTTTTTTT

Yourusername: @/tatemcrae you were literally here with me you hockey nerd

Username26: IS ANYONE GONNA TALK ABOUT LUKE HUGHES BEING IN THE LIKES?!???

Username27: @/username26 OR HOW THE HUGHES BROTHERS FOLLOW THEM NOW

Username28: it's y/n's world we're just living in it

Username29: MORE YN AND TATE CONTENT!!

Username30: I absolutely live for their friendship

Trevorzegras: the devils<<<<the ducks

Yourusername: @/trevorzegras I hate you

Username31: Y/N AND TATE CONTENT Y/N AND TATE CONTENTTTTTT

Two weeks later...

lhughes_06 just posted!

Liked by: yourusername, _quinnhughes, and 564,437 others...

lhughes_06: What's nine plus ten? 21 😝

Comments

Yourusername: Welcome to the club, angel boy!!!! ❤️🖤 (liked by lhughes_06)

Verycoolusername1: Ik luke would never say this but I saw the opportunity and took it

Jackhughes: He's growing up 🥲

lhughes_06: @/jackhughes Can't stop, won't stop 🙂

Nicohischier: happy birthday :] (liked by lhughes_06)

Trevorzegras: well someone's getting old 🤣

Lhughes_06: @/trevorzegras Haha.

Edwards.73: Welcome to the club! (Liked by lhughes_06)

lhughes_06: @/edwards.73 we need to hang out soon!!

Comments on this post are limited.

3 months later...

Yourusername posted on their story!

Vera - To be continued???

[epickiya722]

6,7,9,10 for the choose violence ask for both MHA and JJK

6. Which ship fans are the most annoying?

For both fandoms, I can find anyone annoying no matter specifically what they ship. Now, if I had to be specific, it has to be people who hate on a ship who are clearly just homophobic.

I recently had been called an "imbecile" by someone over an innocent ItaFushi post and found out they found the ship "diabolical".

Twice, one for each fandom, I made a post about F/F ships and someone had to bring up a M/F ship. Honey, please, I don't care. BEGONE, HEATHEN!

But again, no matter what they ship, if they annoy me, they annoy me.

7. What character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because of how the fandom acts about them?

Okay, for MHA, I don't actually hate Hawks. I'm more so indifferent with him even when he did appear. However, sometimes in fandom, I find his presence annoying. Especially, whenever Miruko is involved. I was recently salty for a week because for the Miruko tags, it his face there and the artwork centered around him.

Like, no, last time I checked Miruko was a bunny woman. Not a blond bird man whose jacket I have a disdain for.

I even once wrote a fic out of spite because someone said something about Miruko and hyped up Hawks and I'm like "She didn't do anything to warrant this slander but alright". Ever since then, Hawks would sometimes be the butt monkey in my fics. I actually was thinking about doing a sequel to that fic, too.

For JJK, it only recently became Yuta. Now, unlike Hawks, I don't actually not feel anything towards Yuta. I do like him.

However, I have a deep seething hatred for those who constantly bash Yuji to hype him up. Yuta is cool, but he is not that fucking cool to bash Yuji. Come on now. I hate it whenever I go on a post anywhere and someone will talk about Yuji's accomplishments or just only mention Yuji and some assholes will be like "well, Yuta this" and "Yuta that". Yuta is rocking the teenage boy version of Yuji's mom's haircut, so stop.

9. Worst part of canon?

Okay, did Miruko have to lose 3 of her limbs? Her arm? I was fine with that. A leg, I was actually confused for a while as to how she even lost it until I went back and saw what happened but I don't think she should have completely cut it off. 😭 Her other arm? Okay... her and Edgeshot are definitely the Heroes who lost the most in the final war. Mind you, Miruko's Quirk has her use her limbs. I'm glad she got her a little bazooka in the end, but she low-key sacrificed a lot more than other Heroes.

I actually wrote a fic addressing that because I'm salty about it. It was my recent Miruko-centric fic.

Okay, for JJK... do I have anything? Nothing really actually aggravated me... okay, I think Choso shouldn't have died. Or Yuki. I think about them and start punching the air.

10. Worst part of fanon?

Where to begin here? I feel like there are so many things.

For JJK, I low-key have a disdain for the first person who misinterpreted Gojo would be a fucking playboy. Like, no he wouldn't be in a committed relationship because he can't be loyal because "he's a man, he has needs" or whatever bullshit reason. It's because he's a jujutsu sorcerer! And one of the busiest ones in top of that! Hell, we just found out what his schedule looks like, he wouldn't have time to commit!

There's also how dumb some people tend to make Yuji. Like... he's dumb, he even admits it but I think it's just more so that he's not motivated to learn certain things and he just thinks he is. He's smarter than what he (and the fandom) gives him credit for.

And some of the memes? Don't find funny at all. I actually got tired of the "Nah, I'd win" memes I kept seeing. And how Yuta would make fun of someone for having "No bitches". That's stupid, I hate it.

For MHA, again some memes I just don't find funny. Recently any meme I see about "Midoriya being a fast food worker", who makes them instantly has me wishing they step on a Lego. And just saying, fast food workers have probably done more for anybody than certain people. Or that "Katsuki stole Ochako" from him is definitely a case of "those are OCs with the same name" because we know damn well canon Katsuki ain't touching Ochako like that with even a ten foot long pole and vice versa on her end.

Playboy Katsuki? Yeah, not really my favorite portrayal of him in fiction like that. I can see him being very popular and having a lot of girl fans because that's canon, it makes sense. But hooking up with a lot of people? And using it as some "escape" or whatever? Yeah... eh...

Also, sometimes I feel like folks want to use that "Black Best Friend" trope on Miruko whenever it comes to Hawks and DabiHawks. Like, she got to be his hype man or something. The idea doesn't appeal to me really.

Choose Violence Ask Game

[mastercherry]

This is for my Buddie friends. My buddies, if you will.

I'm recently super in love with Eddie and Buck are already married when Buck joins the 118 and it just never comes up. Or they don't believe him. Or I don't know. It doesn't matter. Whatever the reason, the 118 fam and friends don't know that Buck is married. I've been reading fics like this recently. They're fun.

But there also aren't very many of them. So, first of all, if you have any recs, please send them to me.

Second of all, I had to come up with my own idea for something like this so keep reading to see what it is.

Trigger Warnings: canon typical violence and abuse (Maddie and Doug plus Buck), life threatening situations typical and atypical to the show, witness protection, Eddie potentially thinking Buck is dead so maybe tempory character death, and I think I'm going to make it where the Buckley parents are killed in a car accident or something. I would tag more things if I actually wrote this or anything.

So. Let's start at the beginning. Evan and Maddie Buckley are living with their parents when Doug comes into the picture. Maddie is so in love with him, it's a little concerning. At least, according to her parents. They are very adamant that she needs to stop seeing him.

She doesn't. She fights them tooth and nail to be with Doug. Her little brother Evan is torn between supporting her and agreeing with their parents. But he's young. He doesn't understand.

Sadly, their parents are killed in a car accident. Maddie fights to keep Buck and she's able to become his legal guardian. Doug becomes the dad Buck always wanted. For a while, it's good. It's great even. They're a small little family, but they're so, so happy. It's amazing.

Until it isn't. Until Doug shows his true colors. He gets so angry so fast. And might be young but he's not stupid. He knows that Maddie is hurting. So he starts acting out. When Doug is mad at him, he leaves Maddie alone. That's all that Evan cares about. If only he could do more. But for Maddie, he can at least be the one who ends up in the ER. Not her.

But Maddie can't let him keep doing this. She has to protect her little brother. They live in this horrible limbo for a few years until Evan is 18. He crashed his new bike that Doug bought for him. He's going to be so mad. He has to warn Maddie. Or maybe... maybe he can convince her to leave with him.

"You and me, Maddie. Come on. Let's go. Just the two of us."

And she wants to leave. She does. But she knows that Doug won't let them. Won't let her. But she agrees. She knows what she has to do. The next day, she watches him leave in the Jeep. She's battered and bruised, but watching him leave actually feels like a weight lifting off her chest.

Evan travels. He goes everywhere he can, trying to find somewhere he belongs. He worries about Maddie every day and sends post cards to her work so she knows he's okay. She holds onto them like a lifeline.

Evan eventually ends up in Texas. That's where he meets Eddie. Helping out on a ranch. It's hard work, harder than anything else he's done up to this point. But being there with Eddie actually makes it fun. He never wants to leave. He even gets invited over to the Diaz house where he meets a tiny little Christopher. The Diaz family is the one he always wanted. So warm and fill of love. They take him in, teach him Spanish, teach him how to make the best food. Teach him about family.

It's no surprise to anyone when he and Eddie start dating. He keeps Maddie updated through his post cards until one day he gets one in return. He recognizes her hand writing. She says she's so happy for him. And how she wishes she could meet Eddie and his son. But she also says that Buck shouldn't send her anymore cards. How Doug found one and how he had wanted to go to that place and bring Evan back home.

And, well, Evan can't do that. He needs to let Maddie know that he's okay. So every so often him and Eddie take a little road trip to send a postcard to Maddie from somewhere else. Just to let her know he's okay. Plus, him and Eddie are going to get married and she has to be there.

But on the day they're supposed to get married there's no sign of her. He's disappointed but he doesn't let it get him down. He's marrying his best friend. He's adopting a son. His life couldn't get any better.

And then, of course, it all comes crashing down. Maddie's friend at the hospital, her only friend there, calls Evan.

"Maddie hasn't been to work in a couple days. She hasn't called or anything. I'm worried about her."

Evan has to leave. Eddie wants to come with him, but Evan won't have his family anywhere near Doug. And he's coming back with his sister this time.

Long story, short, Evan goes back home to check on Maddie. She's hurt when he finds her and he's already called 9-1-1 when Doug finds them. It's ugly. And they watch Doug kill someone. One of their neighbour's I guess. And the police show up. And they're all rushed to the hospital. And they're met with even more police. And the FBI. Turns out Doug wasn't just the bad guy. He was A bad guy. A bad guy in a whole family of bad guys.

And so Buck and Maddie have to go into Witness Protection until Doug and his family are taken care of for good. Evan doesn't even get to say goodbye to Eddie and Christopher. He just gets carried away to a new place to start a new life.

Alone.

He ends up in Los Angeles, CA. He's going crazy. He can't talk to Maddie or Eddie or Christopher. He can talk to his agent. That's about it. Despite his agents better judgement, he goes out for the fire department. He's too restless to do anything else. He has to help someone. He needs to do something useful. Meaningful.

And that's how Kyle "Buck" Jones joined the 118. How'd he get his nickname? No one knows.

[eponastory]

I saw your most recent post.

Are you okay over there? Do I need to call the national guard or something?

I'm pretty upset about this too since I'm also a fanfic writer and reader.

Well, anon... I'm not gonna sugar coat it.

I'm feeling pretty pissed.

Like we are all entitled to our opinions, I get that. But calling someone a xenophobe and a racist because of a wonderful piece of creativity that they put so much effort into... it makes me angry.

Why? Because the point of the story was completely missed by the reader (bully who put it up on Tumblr to try and prove a point and failed miserably at it) and they can't move past it. Said reader decided to invalidate this creativity by imposing their opinion in such a way that they should've stopped at the first sentence they wrote.

It's not right. It's definitely not fair, and I hope others come to this writer's defense.

Not to mention, there is such thing as using the 'tags not to include' on AO3 filters if one does not want to see certain tags. It's a common courtesy to not screenshot someone's story and post it on Tumblr in a negative way.

I could go on about this, but I think its pretty clear where I stand.

I'm on the writers side.

I don't even care if the antis see my posts at this point. They should know better, but they don't care.

[sysmedsaresexist]

I sent this ask to a different blog but I don't think they're going to post it... I'm so sad, I'm screaming into the void. I'm scared. I'm sending to you because you're where I learned so much of this

Did i say anything wrong? I put so much work into this ask, I grabbed a screenshot partway through, so this isn't EXACTLY the same ask, but it's very close, I had to rewrite some.

from one DID system to another, please, hear me out, I'm desperate to be heard

Literally NO endos claim to have DID

There's like two, and they still say it's caused by trauma but they were systems first and later trauma made their system unstable

If endos want to demedicalize CDDs, why would they claim to have it? It's a roundabout way to achieve the same goal, it's just extra steps

Endos are literally fighting to get away from CDD spaces, do you actually see endos in the DID tag? The cdd tag? NO

They're in the plural tag, a word they choose to separate from the more clinically associated "multiple" of MPD, they're in the syscourse tags because they're allowed to participate, syspunk is less than a month old and it should be a meme at this point because they already had anti endo as a tag

They are literally saying they are systems that are UNRELATED to CDDs, not that they want to demedicalize being a system System doesn't belong to DID, look at IFS, psychological anthropology, or multiple theory of self, jungian archetypes, or does that mean we should be angry about "computer system" because it dehumanizes us?

And stolen terms? We know who came up with system hopping, it has never been used in RAMCOA. Do any of you actually know where tulpa came from? Like the actual word? Do you know who Alexandra David Neel is? The white woman who invented an imaginary practice that didn't actually exist (What she wrote about is not the same as Buddhist emanation), and created the word tulpa based on another white guy's mistranslation to entertain more white people during the Vietnam War?

So they have new words, they're trying to create more new words, there's so much real, actual research by real doctors into this phenomenon of nonpathological multiplicity in ways that exist outside of clinical psychopathology

The only overlapping word is "system

Plurals tend to get really upset when you use words like alter for them, they don't want to be medicalized at all, they understand what DID is and say, "| don't fit that description", and they're allowed to say that

If I, a DID system, feel I'm healed and integrated and choose to drop the DID label, no one can stop me, and we can't stop people from not picking it up to start with

Why can't anyone have actual conversations about this stuff, I'm so anxious because it seems like people are purposefully trying to misunderstand and lying about how bad the problem is

"Existing" isn't enough to qualify as misinformation, and it seems the only incorrect and unverifiable facts are coming out of the anti endo community.

I'm just so scared and sad.

I just want to know it's going to be okay

First -- I'm glad we can post this for you. I highly recommend screenshotting asks you send to people! It's helped me a lot with my paranoia in the past (did I send that on anon? Did I send that at all??) and it's a good record of your words for later.

Second.

I agree with you, I really do. This is so frustrating, and the self-described anti-endos who have recently flooded system spaces on tumblr are completely unwilling to look at the facts. They're obstinate and stubborn as mules, and unfortunately, that is not going to change. Most of them, if not all of them, are either children or caught in a current cycle of abuse with no way out. Most if not all are currently fighting for survival. They are not in a place to accept others; they can barely accept themselves.

People are purposefully ignoring information. People are purposefully avoiding it.

And it is not, and never has been, your job to fix their issues.

These are people who have always been unwilling to listen. They are children who cannot, for their own reasons, listen at the moment. For whatever reason, they are not in a position to accept endogenic plurality exists, and the more they are pushed, the more they will spit up their vitriol on the puke towel that is syscourse (or, worse, "syspunk").

It is sad. It can be scary. But it's not on your shoulders to fix them.

At the end of the day, you have to ask: what is most beneficial for me in this moment? Next, what is most beneficial for my family in this moment? Then, what is most beneficial for my followers in this moment? Then, and only then, are you getting to "beneficial for the tag to see," if you get there at all. The ask you sent them is lovely, and needed, but they are not ready to see this sort of thing, I can guarantee it.

That's why I'm glad it's here: so others can see it.

The last point I'll make is... Please make sure that you are valuing the correct things in your life, anyone reading this. If syscourse is stressing you out, please make sure to take appropriate breaks and check your brain. Remember that this is largely an online issue; the real world is quickly progressing to be more plural accepting and more accepting in general, and there are far bigger issues than an idiot crosstagging misinformation in a niche online discourse. I'm not trying to say this isn't an issue, and it should absolutely be spoken out about, but make sure to take care of yourself while you do. Anti-endos and pro-endos who are idiots online are not the end all be all of system activism. In fact, they rarely fit that definition.

Please do not let these places completely wreck you emotionally. You deserve so much better than that.

Sending love to all our followers; good luck staying afloat out there. <3

[cellsshapedlikestars]

20 questions for fic writers

tagged by @hilarychuff

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

honestly, I'm sometimes embarrassed by how much I've written in the 3 1/2 years since I started posting. Currently 66

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

1,350,298. yikes.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

at this point, Jonsa. we do not talk about The Prior Fandom

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

a fairytale ending (by a WIDE margin)

the mating game

take me out

moth's wings

ever fallen in love (on national TV)

(shocker, it's all my romcoms lmao. also, let's not talk about how the top 4 are all fake dating fics. I can't help myself)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to. I used to do it on all fics, but as discussed above, I'm a wordy bitch and at points responding to all comments on, for example, one shot event fics that I would post back-to-back got overwhelming. So I allowed myself to stop responding to comments on one shots. Recently I had quite the mental health dip and didn't respond to any for a while, but I think I'm back.

Part of the reason I like fandom is the sense of community. I started responding to comments on my first fic because I hadn't resurrected my tumblr from the grave yet, so it was the only way to interact with the fandom. Then I continued to because I appreciated the comments, even if they were simple and I had nothing else to say except thank you. I still try to on chaptered fics because, let's face it, without comments and without community, I wouldn't be posting my stories.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

probably my WWI one-shot

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I try to write at least *hopeful* endings for all my fics. I don't know if I can quantify "happiest", because I think that's different for everyone.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

of course. I feel like it's a rite of passage on ao3 to get some shitty hate comments

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

*through clenched teeth* I sure do

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I'm not really a fan of crossovers tbh

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that I'm aware of

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

not that I'm aware of

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

nope! I don't think I could tbh. I'm sort of a control freak and I even have problems letting people pre-read things, I have no idea why. I think the only people I've let pre-read anything are @hilarychuff (who is my brainstorm buddy) and @greenhikingboots (who is the reason the last chapter of the ghost inside made any coherent sense)

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

I mean, Jonsa. I honestly don't ship that often

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

sigh. white knuckles.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I'm very fast at it lmao. Like, seriously. I type very fast. I'm also somehow really good at starting a fic off with only an inciting incident, no other real plans, and somehow coming up with a full plot/ending that I'm satisfied with, while posting it as I develop the story

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

outlines. smut.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I can barely handle English my guy

19. First fandom you wrote for?

hmmm that depends on what the criteria is. First fandom I wrote for was Sailor Moon, I just never posted it anywhere. Harry Potter was technically the first fandom I posted for, but it was one chapter and I never continued it and I genuinely can't even remember what it was called, all I remember is Harry melted Voldemort with a bucket of soapy water like in the Enchanted Forest Chronicles.

The first fandom I was actually active in and wrote more than just a chapter was... A secret. I'm actually a little embarrassed about it and my fics are still floating around out there and some of them make me cringe sooooo hard. I don't think I've ever admitted to it here on tumblr dot com and I don't think I will now

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

help me out of the shape I'm in

I'm always so anxious about tagging people and leaving people out and making them feel bad, but I'll try to do it anyway. @greenhikingboots @sibyldisobedience @thewolvescalledmehome @esther-dot @periwinkle39 @eruherdiriel and anyone else who wants to do this! (also, no pressure to anyone I did tag lol)

[oathkeeper-of-tarth]

WIP title ask meme

Prompt: Make a new post with the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet or tell them something about it! And then tag as many people as you have WIPs.

-

I was poked to do this months ago, twice at least - once by @docholligay and I think the second was @jeejyboard, but I can't find the tag for the life of me. SORRY. I felt like doing something a bit more meta today re:writing and post about The Process, and this was a perfect excuse - thanks for thinking of me. So here's some actual effort! I went and dug deep, trawled through some really old stuff, which was fun. I write and scribble down way, way more than I actually polish and post (which I assume is probably normal, but who knows). 

General info, for whoever is interested: I mostly use Google Docs with offline backups for fic writing, as I shift between computers a ton, and I put fandom tags at the start of my filenames for organisation. I have a ton of prompt/meme/ask/event collection files - for example, the very latest: "[BG3, STRAHD, SM] Fic Prompts 2024". In these I jot down both the prompts people send or that are listed and the ideas/outlines/notes for each, then when I really get going with a certain fic I spin it off into a separate document. 

I hate coming up with titles and usually do that last, so most of my document names are silly references for my own amusement or just a boring old brief description of the main concept. For instance, my latest posted fic Cerimonia Compedum was for most of its WIP-hood known simply as "[BG3] Tadpoled Isobel". Sometimes I keep different versions/revisions/parts of the same WIP in different files, and if that's the case I've grouped them here. Note that for simplicity's sake this post includes my "solo" fic only, no collabs or coauthored stuff, of which there is also a bunch. 

Some of these are ancient and hit me in the face with "12 years ago" timestamps. Some ficlets will never make it out of the mixed prompt plot bunny dumping grounds into their own doc. I think Sailor Moon 10-ish years ago was the one outlier fandom where I actually wrote most of my concepts out fully and posted them. The ol' brain is currently overproducing stuff for the more recent BG3 flavoured moon lesbians (and no, that ship name will never stop throwing my HaruMichi-loving ass for a loop). Note that some of the SU WIPs on the list I've already posted about here, here, here, and here.

Obviously all of these vary wildly in terms of completion level, word count, refinement, and age (and capitalisation, apparently). So yeah, here's the list, roughly sorted by fandom - ask away, if you feel like it!

[BG3] Moon-chosen, Moon-guided | Moon-chosen, Moon-guided - Part III [BG3] Cerimonia Alārum | ISOBEL TO THE RESCUE AU [BG3] Tremulous Cadence followup | The Return of the Moon Daughter [BG3] Wizard Tower AU | Aylin & Rolan stuff [BG3] Karlach/Minthara Act 2 conclusion aka why are paladins Like That [BG3] I'm having something very strong indeed

[STRAHD] The d'Avenir Treatise verse tidbits [STRAHD] Road Trippin' [STRAHD] In-character notes & ficlets

[SU] eeEEeeeeEE BISMUTH | Bismuth ficlets | Like talking to a wall | Muse. Galatea. Suffering. [SU] SU Daemons HDM AU [SU] The Adolescence of Rose Quartz | But I don't think anyone turns into a car  [SU] Freedom To And Freedom From | Pearlrose Fixit | i love suffering!!! [SU] Forge Showdown AU [SU] Pearl Playing the Field TM | All I need in this life of sin is me and my pearlfriend [SU] The Grand Aventurine Heist (Not Really Grand And Only Slightly A Heist) | oh no who let Rose read the Scarlet Pimpernel

[SM] Future Vision blatantly ripped me off THANKS REBECCA | PUU fic [SM] Outers fall of SilMil | michific | The End is the Beginning is the End

[DS9] Kira fic bits

[TLOK] Five Times Kya Healed Lin and One Time She Couldn't | Kyalin fluff [TLOK] R.C. Noire | Lin BAMFong

[WATCHMEN] Silhouette fic bits

-

That's it! I don't think I have a single person that I know writes fic left that hasn't already been tagged in this, so feel free to do it (again) if it strikes your fancy.

[tedsies]

Simblr New Years Resolution 2024!

Thank you for the tag @pamsimmerstories 🫶

I've been a bit absent here recently (though still been lurking), so this is actually a good excuse to get me back into posting again 😅

What's your Resolution for your Simblr?

Well, I want to finish up the first iteration of my Lake Strange custom 'hood in the next couple of weeks. I was building for it non-stop throughout December, along with setting up all the households in my new rotation, and now I can't wait to start playing! I don't know what I intend to post from it here yet, as I don't want to end up basing my gameplay around taking screenshots for a story like I found myself doing with my TS4 legacy, but I'm sure I'll end up posting something. Tbh I have so many builds I could post right now but I've been super lazy with taking screenshots 😆

In terms of TS4, I honestly have no intention of going back to it anytime soon. I'm just loving TS2 far too much 😅

What do you want from the Sims Franchise?

Tbh, I just want Aspyr to port the final two TS2 expansion packs to Mac. It frustrates me to no end that I can't have Freetime and Apartment Life. I even wrote to them the other month, and they just came back and said they have no plans to do it (not that I expected anything different) 🤣

Any other New Years Resolutions?

Saying 'yes' to things again. 2023 was a year in which I let myself get trapped within my comfort zone, and I can see (with quite some clarity) how its had an impact on my mental health. I need to go back to forcing myself to being more adventurous again. Today I signed back up to the gym (so cliche to do that on 1st Jan, I know), and agreed to meet up with some friends later this week, so I'm off to a good start, I think.

Tagging @generation-simmer @akitasimblr @starandsims 💚

[wollemi-whump]

WIJ Day 17 - Recent Whump Obsessions

Well, I'd say there's quite an obvious one to be mentioned, the same one I wrote about for Day 5. Before that though, let me talk about my most recent interest.

I am always a slut for emotional whump, so I absolutely loved the first four parts of the bahkauv by @deluxewhump which I read per @whumpsday 's recommendation. I've also read about half of the Max and Carlo main series which has been wonderful as well. The writing for both of them is incredible, and I basically had that really-tense-adrenaline-filled-terror feeling the entire time I was reading, so you know it's good lol. I really enjoyed the characterization in the bahkauv. I kept forgetting the names (because I kept accidentally skipping the dialogue tags) but it didn't matter because the characters were written well enough that I could automatically discern who was saying and doing what. Very good story, love it much.

Ok, back to the other one. I've calmed down about it by now, but for a solid week I could not stop thinking about the lovely whumpy movie I had watched: The Eagle (2011).

Since this is the obsession post, here's some of my thoughts about it that I wrote a while ago comparing it to the BBC radio series. This is not at all a comprehensive review of the radio series, I literally only got through half of the first episode (of four I think), so don't be like discouraged from listening to it, it was actually good!! I just didn't feel the need to listen more since I'd already seen the movie and enjoyed it a lot. Anyway. Slight spoilers.

Episode 1 (halfway through)

There's quite a few major differences already between the movie and the radio, the most apparent one being that the events of the entire like first 10 minutes of the movie aren't in the radio. Rather than seeing Marcus get hurt, we just start there.

(Side note: I have to commend Tom Smith (Marcus's voice actor) on his tremendous sounds of pain. It's lovely.)

I think it's actually a disservice to the series to not have that scene or a scene like that. I liked it in the movie because it obviously shows how Marcus gets hurt (which the series does briefly), but it also shows off his bravado and courage, which I think really define his character and make it easy to the audience to understand (among other reasons) why he wants to go after the Eagle.

I think that scene also does great work to make Esca's character more complex. Rather than taking him for his word, the audience knows Esca is telling the truth when he describes how the Romans have fought the Britons. You can't deny or brush off all the objections Esca had towards Rome and Marcus himself.

Which brings me to the other greatest change: Esca. I will say that we've only just met him so maybe this will change, but Esca in personality seems so different than the movie. I don't know if this is a book thing <A/N: Yes this was a book thing> or just a decision by a specific person but Esca seems almost content? Which is strange? He is absolutely not living in the best or even good circumstances, yet you wouldn't sense that from his interactions thus far. Even describing the terrible things that have happened to him, he sounds strangely and comically upbeat.

One of the things that I loved about Esca in the movie is that he's absolutely not content with his situation, which helps with making him a very well-rounded character. He hates being a slave, and he hates being a slave to Marcus, and he hates Marcus and Rome all together. And that conflicts with the honor he holds himself to of repaying Marcus for saving his life. And yet he's even further upset about that because he doesn't want mercy, nevermind from a Roman. His personality gives him a lot more agency than I've seen with the radio version thus far.

It all goes towards giving Marcus and Esca a very interesting dynamic in the movie that seems very different from how it is in the radio series.

@whumpmasinjuly-archive

[ex0rin]

oh look a distraction from work!

tagged by @jdeanmorgan (thanks! 😘)

10 questions for 10 writers

How many works do you have on AO3?

195, would have been more but i recently orphaned a whole pile of them (sorry if this is the way you're learning of it)

What's your total AO3 word count?

686,289

What fandoms do you write for?

i know i haven't written anything in like two months, but i'm still going to put The Walking Dead since all of my active WIPs are from that one - but like, in general i write whatever i'm into at any given time (prev: The Boys, TFATWS, CA: TWS, Witcher, Watcher Entertainment, general rpf, etc etc)

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I SWEAR I TRY i'm just so fucking bad at it, when i'm in an upswing of writing i don't want to stop to reply (which makes me an asshole) and then when i can't get words out i'm just too sad to try and respond to everything... usually once a year (right before @febuwhump i do a full two weeks of JUST responding to as many as i can from the previous year) (so i guess if you haven't heard from me, wait till January 2025 😅)

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i have! multiple times. almost ALL rpf from Buzzfeed Unsolved stuff weirdly enough

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

also yes! i think the only one(s) posted are the ones with @ponderosa121 (Gotham, Constantine) but i've done some Very Good and Very Long RP fics with @sparklingbinjuice that one day i'm going to make into actual fics and post

What's your all-time favourite ship?

why do people keep asking me this 😅 if you asked me RIGHT NOW (which is kind of what's happening) i would say neggie (negan x maggie) but this answer is subject to change at the drop of a hat. a month ago it would have been cegan (negan x carl), seven months ago it would have been butchie (butcher x hughie), and before that it was winterbones (rumlow x bucky) or hell, roosmav (rooster x maverick) and so on and so forth

What are your writing strengths?

smut. descriptive smut.

What are your writing weaknesses?

dialogue. jesuschrist i hate writing dialogue (esp for negan, fuck that guy and his tone and innuendo and run on sentences) (affectionate but still annoyed)

First fandom you wrote for?

first posted on AO3 is for NBC Constantine but that's only from 2015 and i've been writing smut since the late 90s 🙃 reader-insert for Star Wars was probably the first thing i ever wrote (before i even really knew what fanfic was tbh) (luke x me babyyyy) but some of the first stuff i published to an audience back in the yahoo groups days would have been the UK queer as folk or... shit, gundam wing probably?

(also, sidenote but tfw you realize charlie hunnam was in the UK QAF on this day of our lord 2024???) (just need a moment while my childhood watching queer as folk collides with my adulthood adoration for pacific rim crash into each other)

okay, anyway, tagging: @sparklingbinjuice @the-ravening @unlikelymilliner @winterbonesthings @duchessonfire @sequencefairy @crushcandles @grianhole @stunt-lads (my tenth @ is whoever would like to participate! you can say i tagged you)

[ataliagold]

20 Questions For Writers!

I was tagged by @steviewashere, thank you!

How many works do you have on AO3?

Currently 72.

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

513,481, which...has really escalated from deciding to post a random oneshot back in 2022...

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Only Stranger Things so far, and really just Steddie, but I also love exploring the Steve and Robin and Steve and Dustin dynamics within my fics too.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

The Wreckage Of You I No Longer Reside In

I Can Wait For You At The Bottom

But My Heart Is Just A Little Boy (which surprised me, being a recent oneshot)

My, My, Those Eyes Like Fire

Oh Darling, Please Be Mine

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes, always. I'm grateful that people take the time to comment and they always make my day, so I respond.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don't actually think any of my fics have angsty endings because I can't write anything except happy endings...if pushed I'd say As The Light Fades From The Screen , because it ends on a pretty grim note with Steve having been involved in a serious car crash but it's part of a series and is later resolved with Steve being ok, so I'm not sure if it counts.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

All of them...haha. If I had to pick, probably The Wreckage Of You I No Longer Reside In. I sometimes struggle with endings, but I was happy with that one, and Steve Eddie and Dustin were just a lovely little family by the end of it.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Once. Someone took the time to read a 65k fic then write an essay in the comments about everything they hated about it, then messaged me telling me to never write again etc. I'm still confused as to why they chose to read the whole thing, but people are odd I guess.

Another time I got an odd comment from someone upset I included a very common tree in a fic because apparently it doesn't grow in Indiana. I wouldn't really count it as hate, I just thought it was a strange thing to get worked up about.

Thankfully, everyone else has been lovely.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

There's a little in some of my longer fics, it's just pretty soft and sweet. I find it kind of awkward to write for no particular reason, I just don't think it's a strength of mine.

10. Do you write crossovers?

No. I tend to get obsessed with one thing at a time, so I don't think I'd ever have any interest in writing a crossover.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of...

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but quite happy for someone to if they ever wanted to!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I co-write the It Was Always Burning series with @floral--sunrise, there's 65 works in that series, some written by me and others by floralsunrise. So we individually write the fics but work together on overarching storylines etc.

As for co-writing an actual fic, I'm not too sure about if I'd do it, I'd have to think about it and it depends on the person. Definitely wouldn't rule it out!

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Steddie, hands down. I've been in fandoms for a long time, since I was about...12, and while other ships like Destiel have pulled me in for a while, nothing's rotted my brain like Steddie.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you will?

Well...I only have one fic that I stopped writing, and that's Love Like Ghosts. I stopped for a couple of reasons - it wasn't getting much attention and I needed that back then, I'd only written a couple of things and needed feedback for some validation, I think, which I'm less bothered about now. I also had an idea for another fic at the same time which turned into Oh Darling, Please Be Mine, that one was more in my comfort zone and I ended up focusing on that.

But I still think about that fic often, and I think I'm going to go back to it maybe later this year. I really liked the storyline and that it was darker than what I usually write, and I had some pretty good ideas for it.

I did have another one that I'd written about 20 - 30k on, and had a few chapters up on AO3 when my laptop decided to delete the whole file and I couldn't get it back, I was so angry about it that I deleted it off AO3 and never started it again.

So I don't really have an answer to that question, because the only unfinished WIP I think I will finish one day!

16. What are your writing strengths?

Ummmm...I'm not good at talking myself up but I think I'm quite good at dialogue. I've been told a couple of times that the characters seem pretty true to themselves in my fics, even if the story is very AU, so there's that I guess.

Also I think action scenes I'm quite good at - there's a fair bit of violence in some of my longer fics, especially My, My, Those Eyes Like Fire and Keep My Hand In Yours, and I really enjoy writing those scenes.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Plot, sometimes. Probably because I don't plan longer fics in advance - I have an idea, a couple of key scenes, and a vague idea of an ending and then I just start writing. I don't do any planning, nothing - I just write and see what happens. Which has usually served me really well, but sometimes I get to a scene and I'm like...well now what?

Keep My Hand In Yours was the plottiest thing I've ever written, and I did really enjoy that one, so I think that's helped a bit.

Also smut. Just feels weird to write for me, maybe because I haven't written a lot of it.

And endings, I sometimes find it hard to wrap up a fic.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I don't know any other languages, so I don't think I'd be very good at it. I'd be worried if I did try to use another language I'd butcher it, or the translation would be weird...so no, I don't think I would? Unless someone who spoke the language was helping me.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Not sure if this counts but when I was a kid I used to handwrite Doctor Who stories, mostly where I was the companion and travelling around in the TARDIS. I didn't know what fanfiction was back then, but there you go.

I wrote some Supernatural stuff too a long time ago but I'm pretty sure I never uploaded it anywhere.

Other than that, just Stranger Things.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

I'm gonna go with what Stevie did and go top 5, because I can't decide.

The Wreckage Of You I No Reside In - This is the second fic I wrote, and first multi-chapter, and still my most popular fic. I wrote it when I had covid and was stuck in the house with nothing to do, and never expected the response to it that it got. This fic has a special place in my heart, but I've never read it back because I think there'd be stuff I would change now, being more experienced now than I was then. But I love it anyway.

My, My, Those Eyes Like Fire - This one was fun to write. It had a lot of action, (and sword fights which...I love) and was purely inspired by Joe Keery in his gladiator outfit for Finalmente L'alba. A very kind person made a ficbind of it, and I had some art commissioned for it too that I'm obsessed with.

I Can Wait For You At The Bottom - One of my angstiest fics, involving a severely depressed Steve and suicidal ideation. I enjoyed exploring Steve being at rock bottom and Eddie, Robin and Wayne helping him back to his feet.

Keep My Hand In Yours - My longest fic. I'd wanted to write a zombie apocalypse fic for so long, and this is what happened when I did. Probably the one with the most Steve whump too, and I really enjoy some Steve whump.

But My Heart Is Just A Little Boy - This was just a little oneshot where I wanted to project my dyscalculia onto Steve, and it was quite personal and sort of therapeutic to write.

Tagging some people to participate if you want to! @runninriot @augustjustice @katyawriteswhump

[mx-myth]

Writing Patterns

Thank you to @omgpurplefattie for the tag (or the equivalent thereof, lol)! I'll put the first sentences of my last ten ao3 works (in order of most recent posting to least recent) and see if I can tell any patterns. Because I want to I'll also put the last sentences because I know there are some patterns there.

01. i think want is in the shape of you (my can't have nice things fanghua post-canon piece)

He’s not supposed to be warm. 

In the dark, Li Lianhua admits to himself the words he can’t say yet: Fang Xiaobao, I want you.

02. only for you (dom4dom fanghua smut)

He curls his fingers in the hair at the back of his neck.

“Only for you,” He says as their lips meet, “Only for you, Lianhua.”

03. and they were underwater scientists (liansanjiao as underwater seahorse researchers)

Fang Duobing sighs.

“Come on, let’s go home.”

04. fool me thrice (liansanjiao modern au hilarious miscommunication on who's dating who)

Fang Duobing surfaces beside him and shakes the water out of his hair like a dog.

His love for their little life overflows, and he really couldn’t be happy without them.

05. wake (fdb starts wearing his hair like llh used to)

He starts wearing his hair like Li Lianhua’s.

“Do you see it now?” Di Feisheng whispers back, “Fang Xiaobao, you’re precious.”

06. got me riding that edge (swallow me down) (the liansanjiao fic I wrote because I learned what snowballing was)

Di Feisheng is going to be the death of him.

He gets a pillow to the face for his troubles.

07. five scenes with a cat (in which llh misses fdb and acquires a cat)

Li Lianhua is not worried.

And, because he can’t help himself, he says, teasingly, “You wouldn’t happen to know where my cat went, do you?”

08. let me too (my ultimate voyeur!llh fic)

Later he will remember how he’d bitten down into the flesh of his chest to muffle his whines.

“Okay fine, yes, you can watch again! Just stop talking about it!”

09. elegy sound (my ghost!llh fic)

When he wakes there is no sun.

“You said,” He says, smiling, “That if I could bring people back to life you’d take my family name. I think you and A-Fei should both be Li now.”

10. dress me up how you like it (fdb wears a dress and liansanjiao fuck horny about it)

By the time the package comes, three weeks and five days later, Fang Duobing has completely forgotten about the bet.

When he wakes up the next morning he has a splitting headache and no memories of the previous night, and from where he’s lying on top of Di Feisheng he can see Li Lianhua stumble through the door.

Patterns:

First sentences are usually a sensation, an action, or an emotion

Likewise they also tend to set up a central feature of the fic or at least some exposition

Last sentences usually summarise the whole of the fic neatly to tie it off

They also are either sweet or humorous

I was actually surprised that it turned out that I had written - much less posted - enough mlc fics that they'd be this entire post. I thought for sure I was going to get down to the temeraire laurence/napoleon fic that I posted *checks* September of 2022 but nope.

I'm not sure who's done this already, but here we go: @kingsandbastardz @nutcasewithaknife @wuxia-vanlifer @zishuge @tiny-breadcrumbs. If anyone else wants to do it to you're welcome to!

[kai-atlantis]

CW: pedo mention, suicide

I have a request. And this may get me blocked or hated even more by the AF community:

Can we stop the aminosity towards A/H shippers? Anti culture is celebrated in our fandom now, and like, cool if you don't ship anyone, but many of you on this platform find a way to literally bully or harass fans who are openly A/H. I also used to get endless inboxes of anon hate and harassment, even so far as telling me to 'KYS', or calling me a pedophile.

Let's make something very fucking clear: Redirect your issues to Colfer instead, because he wrote the 6th book. HE wrote the kiss. HE wrote them having feelings for eachother. Yes, as kids, a lot of us attached to this. Maybe it's from shared trauma, maybe it's a comfort place. Whatever someone's reason is for shipping, they DON'T need to explain themselves, or be made guilty for their preferences! Instead of harassing A/H shippers as if we spun the oldest celebrated ship from midair, how about you complain about damn Colfer?! He's not a poor innocent Irishman that had nothing to do with it. Give me a break.

Now, your hate and despise of the ship DOES affect other people when you go into the Hartemis tag and write on shippers' posts, literally heckling and harassing them. You know who you all are. I haven't checked it recently, but around 7 months ago, it was filled with HATE. HATE. AND HATE. I saw one very celebrated user telling Hartemis shippers to kill themselves. Honestly. If you look folks, it's there. Fuck that. If being an anti means you support hate and harassment, get the fuck off my tumblr lol.

I have had so many, SO many people come to me in messages to discuss A/H. I have had younger fans, literal kids, message me with art and explain they didn't feel safe posting it to tumblr because of the antis and hatred of A/H. ARE. YOU. KIDDING. ME. Do you know how angry this makes me? This is disgusting behavior, that children can't post their work without an anti yelling at them they're supporting pedophilia.

Which do you think is more harmful?! Supporting A/H? Or isolating young teens or kids and making their work and art feel worthless and unwanted?

Btw: none of the A/H shippers call our ship Hartemis. That's a you guys thing, lol. We like A/H. They don't need a ship name so it's easier to mock.

In short, leave people alone. Stop intermingling your personal issues into other's lives. Don't like Hartemis? Leave the fandom then! You tell us to gtfo, so you can as well! 😬 I really dont have anything inspirational or nice to say here. I'm disappointed that such a tiny fandom has been literally split apart in half, and half of them are not allowed to interact with the other.

We're so tiny, guys. We literally don't have to isolate each other. I was so depressed when I first joined tumblr and got so much hate, and to know there are kids who are messaging me, revealing they're getting hate? That they're scared to post? To rant and rave and ramble like the rest of us? It's disappointing. It really is.

CW: pedo mention, suicide