#i wrote it with the intent of it being a qpr
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ily-tomura · 1 year ago
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Night Life
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Autistic!Tomura Shigaraki, GN!Reader, QPR
Tomura doesn’t really work out traditionally, but he does love to go out walking. He prefers to go for early morning walks and night walks more than mid-day. He introduced the idea of you joining him pretty casually, but you can tell that it would mean a lot for you to join him.
He has to bundle up quite a bit so that he doesn’t get cold. Wind tends to go right through Tomura, so he layers light jackets and windbreakers.
Tomura loves listening to the sounds of the area at night. Depending on the path, he always seems to be on the look out for either animals or the occasional car. He doesn’t spend much time outside, so you’re surprised when he tells you to hush because he thinks he hears and owl. You spend a little time standing quietly with him, looking off into the tree line. Neither of you see it, but when Tomura hears the owl’s distinctive call, he looks to you excited.
He’ll sometimes stop and look up at the sky. The area has quite a bit of light pollution, but a few stars can be seen still. He talks to you about the idea of driving out into the countryside somewhere the light pollution is less bad so that he can see more of the stars. It’s a cute idea and one you want to help him fulfill.
While you’re walking together, you go back and forth talking about things you’ve been reading and watching online. It’s a nice atmosphere. There’s no pressure to talk or be performative. You’re just enjoying each other’s company.
Tomura’s favorite time to go walking is after it’s rained. It’s usually a little humid, but not so much that it makes his skin itch. He finds the reflection of street lights in puddles to be something beautiful and worth stopping for.
Sometimes, if it’s just a bit too cold, he’ll huddle next to you as you walk. If you point it out, he scoots away until he thinks your not paying attention and he’ll scoot back in. You’ve learned to just enjoy it quietly.
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myuweissclinic · 3 months ago
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oh my little baby boy ! <3 NSFW
griefer smut yea that’s it ; pre-established relationship thighfucking griefer is a virgin reader is a virgin reader is not player reader is afab made as self-indulgent slop wrote this after I broke up wit my qpr 🙂‍↔️🙂‍↔️ griefer bites down too hard goddamn it griefer not alot of dialogue though loll by the way griefer is 21 if you didn’t know
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The two of you cuddling on griefers bed, ignoring the stench of his room that is. The smell of witches brew was quite unpleasant but at the least, you were with griefer. him definitely being used to the smell. he held you against his chest, hearing his heart thumping again, over, and over. It was a sweet moment, like the first bite into a slice of strawberry shortcake with the ripest strawberry on top.
Nothing could ever top moments like this with him, these delicate times he wasn’t loud or aggressive or causing a commotion. Hearing from your friends during a hangout that your own boyfriend was in the hospital and that was the reason he wasn’t texting back was definitely not fun, especially rushing to the hospital and scolding him for being an idiot right after you had a chat with his father, mayor thanyiel. His father telling you that griefer didn’t want to worry you.
His eccentric nature just seemed to make you fall deeper in love. sure unconventional and irritating at times but you loved griefer unconditionally, just as much as he loved you. He would never say it but his actions showed how much he did, holding the door open, protecting you from creeps, giving you priority over his games. . ? The bare minimum ? He loved you dearly, he’d do anything to keep you in his arms. Hence him begging you everyday to sleep over, when you would refuse he sigh heavily and pout in a corner, sulking. He moved to lay ontop of you, the weight placed upon you being comforting.
You wrapped your arms around him, smiling. He reciprocated the hug, albeit you couldn’t tell how he was feeling since he was nuzzled into your neck but you could see the faint red on his ears as he blushed. You would pet his hair, his hat somewhere on the floor tossed aside. As the tender moment continued so on, you started having indecent thoughts. Him on you, touching you. Mindless thoughts like this continued, your face flushing red. This wasn’t right, not at all, but you just couldn’t stop. You started clenching your fists and digging into his back. None the wiser until he spoke up angrily, or yelled.
"H3Y! TH4T HURTS!" He got up from your neck, using his hands to stabilize him up as he stared at you. A frown etched onto his face before noticing your face was as red as a tomato. "EH? WH4TS WR0NG? AR3 Y0U S1CK??"
You shook your head violently no. The way he stared at you just fueled your desires for him, but, you two had never done it before. The only extreme thing you did at this point was kiss, and that both sent you reeling. Apologizing to eachother if that was too foreword, how would he handle something so vulgar? It had taken over your mind, you just wanted to do anything at this point to distract him from your burning face. You cupped his face, bringing him into a kiss and catching him off guard. He melted into the kiss, now savoring the feeling of your lips instead. He brought you up, now you were sitting in front of eachother. Staring, just looking at eachother. You were encaged by his legs around you, the idea of intercourse, it was too much. You hid your face in his shirt, it was too embarrassing.
". . WH4TS WR0NG?" He asked again, in a more gentler tone. He put a hand on your head, awkwardly petting you. You shook your head, trying to hide yourself more into his chest. He was starting to get irritated of how you were avoiding the question and as seconds felt like hours, your hair was yanked. It was a firm grip but not enough to really hurt, yet it filled your head with more of your fantasies. It wasn’t done with lewd intentions but it had sure felt like it, you yearned for his touch, his warmth. "S3RI0USLY. T3LL M3." With a sigh, you lowered your gaze. Lowering to his. . Yeah. Crotch. You stuttered on your words, mumbling incoherently as you tried to figure out what to tell him. You wanted to take it further, to try out what your friends do.
"1S TH3R3 S0METH1NG Y0U’R3 H1D1NG FR0M M3??"
He frowned at the thought of you hiding something from him, especially if you were this nervous about it. It must be important and that too scared him. You took a deep breath, trying to calm yourself enough to actually talk to him and not blabber on about random things. It took a few but you managed to calm yourself, staring at him straight in the face. No, no you couldn’t do it, it was too embarrassing, really. Sweat rolled down your face as you tried to talk. "I want— I want to—" But all you could mutter out were broken sentences. Messily strung up together to create something you not griefer could understand. "I want to do— that! The..”
oh. You screamed on the inside, now you’ve done it. You’ve dug yourself into a hole. Congratulations.
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well, plan successful? He was sitting on the edge of the bed, spreading his legs. You sat ontop of him with your pants off and only having your underwear on, his erect dick in between your thighs. It felt weird, so weird. Yet, you wanted to continue, there was no going back now. he leaned your head to the side, giving you small kisses on your neck as you tried not to squirm so much in his lap. You felt his hand go down to your waist, caressing it before resting on your thigh. His other hand holding him steady behind him. You decided to move, holding your thighs together and squeezing his cock between them. His grip on your thigh became tighter, digging into your skin. It felt good, really good. He thrusted up into your thighs slowly, as if teasing you. You whined out, holding onto his hand on your thigh and your other hand on his shoulder tightly. You could feel how wet you were inside of your lace underwear, he could too.
In, out. The feeling of his dick going up and down your thighs felt so good. The wet patch on your underwear grew as he continued to thrust again and again. Both of you were a mess at this point, griefer began to chase his high. You just felt too good around him, your plush thighs hugging his dick so well, it was so warm and inviting that he just couldn’t stop. He started to wonder how it would feel being inside you, his heart ached to. He bit down on his bottom lip so you could barely hear his grunts and noises, yet you on the other hand? You were so noisy. Whines and whimpers coming out endlessly as if it were abysmal.
You became curious at the sensation of him thrusting and lowered your head to look at his tip leaking precum. You took your hand off his shoulder, touching the tip with your pointer finger before you carefully wrapped your hand around his girth, rubbing it up and down. He bit into your neck, holding your elbow to your arm that held his dick. He tried to pull your arm away, grunting into your skin and if he put more pressure on your neck, he could’ve broken skin by now. Both of you were being pleasured by eachother, it felt so good it had you wondering why you didn’t do it earlier. He felt his mind go blank as your hand jerked him off, cumming without notice and biting down on you further, breaking skin.
Yet you didn’t notice, it being outweighed by getting a few of his spurts on your face. You closed your eyes instinctively, reopening them after he was finished and taking your hand off his penis. While you wiped off the cum you maybe even took a finger to your mouth to taste his semen. . salty eugh. looking back at him and kissing him passionately. "That— was.. good.” You mutter out after the kiss, the two of you panting. Both breaths uneven, you smiled shakily. Sweat dropping down your neck and forehead. Griefer nodded, holding you in his arms, nuzzling into your neck again.
"you do know what aftercare is, right?"
"WH4T?"
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First smut ever 🙂‍↔️🙂‍↔️ I hope you didn’t expect it to be good.
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vibelladonna · 3 months ago
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❛ 𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁𝒶𝒹𝑜𝓃𝓃𝒶 ❜ 𝜗𝜚 𝑔𝑒𝑜 𝓍 𝑔𝓃! 𝓇𝑒𝒶𝒹𝑒𝓇
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𝓈𝓎𝓃𝑜𝓅𝓈𝒾𝓈: They say poison is dangerous—yes, a substance that is capable of causing illness or death by taste, by touch, it should never be taken under any circumstances.
You’re a belladonna—a beautiful, deadly kind of poison.
Geo has always been a mystery wrapped in thorns—bitter to the touch, beautiful in a way that promised pain. A slow-acting poison with no antidote, the kind you’re warned to avoid. But warnings are wasted when the danger is exactly what you crave… and your body keeps reaching for the burn. You're not soft, and neither is he.
One’s poison—potent, addicting. The other? perhaps immune?
The question is... Does your venom suit his craving?
Or will you be the sweetest thing to ever ruin him—beautifully, completely, irreversibly?
𝒸𝑜𝓃𝓉𝑒𝓃𝓉 𝓌𝒶𝓇𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑔: 18+ NO KIDS (Adults Only) This content contains mature themes unsuitable for children. Please respect the creator's intentions. 
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𝓇𝑒𝓆𝓊𝑒𝓈𝓉: For my dearest mutuals, @mint0hhh artist of the [ header picture ] fun fact this was first geo art I saw on tumblr, and @lu-dao-writes who gave me the setting and plot—plus a few add-ons from anons who asked for angst (you know who you are).
This one's personal—a self-insert with a QPR dynamic between Aroace!Geo and Aroace!Reader (since I'm Ace, still figuring out if I'm Aro—read and let me know). Inspired by the recent announcement, I kept it gender-neutral with they/them pronouns. It's been a while since I wrote something just for me, and I missed that.
𝓉𝒶𝑔𝓈: geo x gn and self insert!, angst (like. hella angst. cried while writing it.), slow burn, in vino veritas, mutual pining, enemies and lovers (kinda), queerplatonic relationship, aroace rep, mentions of OCD, hyperawareness anxiety, emotional damage, (i really hurt my own damn feelings with this one.)
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Halloween.
Though it is just one evening where the entire world resonates with your energy—for wildness, wickedness, just the edge of something fun. Crisp air un-soak sober, the wind carries the scent of burning leaves, cheap whiskey, and whatever questionable punch someone dumped into a cauldron. Shadows stretch long, neon lights flash in the distance, and for once—just once—you're exactly where you're supposed to be.
Now Halloween in college?
 Oh, it’s so much more than just an excuse to party across the world. It’s a whole ass experience. While some people come for the horror—the haunted houses, wacky dares, and fake blood sprayed all over bathroom mirrors—some seek an excuse to just simply go out of their minds for the night with cheap booze and transient and rash decisions. 
You have come here for all of it. 
The parties, the madness, the whole campus feels like it vibrates with energy and begs the night to get you a little too drunk or too bold or to leave you in a state of being a little too gone to care about anything at all except the moment. 
You can already see the Campus alive at night; jack-lanterns are flickering, far away, screaming from haunted houses on Greek row, music blasting so much that you feel it in your ribs. 
Someone's already passing with devil horns and all smeared lipstick and laughter trailing behind them. The streets are packed, bodies pressed together, and slurred conversations and this night is only beginning. 
You take a deep breath, imagining the hits, everything from alcohol, throbbing adrenaline under the skin, and absolute certainty that this night will only be a blur with poor decisions and even worse ideas. 
And really? Wouldn't want it any other way. 
“Why are you so obsessed with Halloween?” Crowe’s voice carried that usual mix of amusement and curiosity—light, teasing, but just sharp enough to let you know he actually wanted an answer.
The vice president of the student council—polished, poised, untouchable—sat beside you outside during lunch, mirroring your posture with his legs crossed like it was second nature.
You glanced at him briefly before shifting your gaze away, eyes trailing the glow of streetlights and the flickering jack-o’-lanterns scattered around campus then you took sip of your drink in front of you.
“Because Halloween is cool.” 
Simple. Honest. Direct.
Exactly what anyone should expect from you.  
But Crowe? Yeah, he wasn’t buying that for a damn second. 
He let out a quiet huff of laughter, shaking his head before dragging his gaze over your outfit—the kind of once-over that wasn’t just looking, however analyzing the living hell out of you. The knowing glint in his eyes said everything his words didn’t. “Right,” he mused, voice dripping with amusement. “Somehow, I’m inclined to think you’re a little more than just ‘excited-going.’”
Of course, he would say something like that.
Out of everyone, Crowe had probably the best read on you—not that you ever made it easy for him.
You’d met him about, what? You place your hand under your chin, like two years ago..? His dumbass had thrown himself between you and a group of bullies like some martyr, despite having the fighting skills of a wet paper bag. The whole thing had been pitiful to watch, honestly. You’d barely broken a sweat handling it yourself, and yet, there he was, trying to be your knight in shining armor.
You weren’t sure if it was bravery or sheer stupidity, but something about him stuck. Maybe it was how he kept trying to befriend you, even when you ignored him outright. Maybe it was because you saw the way he needed to be needed, even when you didn’t.
Either way, you let him stick around. Vice versa. 
And now? You were here—hanging out with his actual friend group. A group he’d tried—and kinda almost failed to properly integrate you into.
You remember their names clearly.
Brittany and Jess were currently locked in some very passionate debate over future costumes. Deryl was talking Geo’s ear off—though, from the way Geo was sitting, arms crossed and eyes closed, perhaps asleep or ignoring him? It was safe to say he was not invested in the conversation. 
And then there was you. Caught up in your own little world with Crowe, as usual. Even then, he knew. Knew that Halloween wasn’t just some holiday to you—it was a part of you, something that slipped through the cracks even when you didn’t mean for it to.
It was in the way you dressed. The way the flowing fabric of your outfit moved with you, catching the light just right, embroidered with intricate patterns that shimmered like something out of a dream. The layers you wore weren’t just for the cool air—they were intentional, a mix of comfort, just for you. Your platform boots added weight to your steps, grounding you, making each movement feel purposeful—like you didn’t just walk, you arrived. 
Silver rings caught the dim light, a mix of old and new, each one with a story. Skulls, amethysts, gothic designs—they weren’t just accessories, they were pieces of you, woven through your hair, your fingers, the very air around you.
It wasn’t a costume. It wasn’t dress-up. It was you.
You exhaled, watching your breath curl into the autumn air before finally meeting Crowe’s gaze. A small, knowing sigh pulled at your lips.
“In other words… this is the only time I feel alive.”
Crowe hummed, a thoughtful look settling on his face. Oh no—you knew that look. He was about to suggest something. “You know,” he started, way too casually, “you should host a Halloween party. At my place.” …Oh. 
Well, you definitely weren’t expecting that.
You thought he was gonna ask about your classes again—because who actually wants to talk about that unless they’re in class? Or maybe try, once again, to convince you to befriend his actual friends. But this? You blinked, tilting your head like you must’ve misheard him. “At your place?”
He nodded. Completely serious. Wow.
You scoffed, glancing away. “Okay, and how exactly am I supposed to host a party at your place? Am I just supposed to roll up, kick down your front door, and start handing out invitations?”
Crowe smirked, completely unfazed. “I’d give you permission, of course. You and me? We could throw the best damn Halloween party this school has ever seen.” He nudged your shoulder, “I got the council on board for this party,” he continued, undeterred. 
“We all think it’s a solid idea.” His eyes narrowed slightly like he was trying to figure out how to sell it to you. Even flashed that smile—the one he usually aimed at the hopelessly charmed, the ones who practically melted under his attention.
You, however, were not impressed. Not even a little. 
Your face scrunched up in pure disinterest as you leveled him with a deadpan stare, “This is such rich, high-class boy energy. ‘Oh, let me just hand you a key to my estate so you can throw a party, where it’s just a bunch of young adults making bad decisions—like we’re in some kind of horror movie.’” 
You mimicked his smooth, confident tone with just enough exaggeration to make him roll his eyes. “What’s next, Crowe? You gonna have a killer show up to really set the mood?”
He lifted a brow, clearly about to laugh but held it back. “First of all,” he started, completely ignoring your impression, “I think it would be good. You have the vibe, you know how to make things fun, and—” He gestured vaguely at you. 
“Look at you. You are Halloween. If anyone should throw the biggest party of the season, it’s you.” Then he added, “With my help, of course.”
You squinted at him, unimpressed, before casually checking your phone. “Uh-huh. And what’s in it for you, prince?”
Crowe shrugged, before flashing that infuriating smirk. “I enjoy a good party.”
“Right,” you said flatly, giving him a knowing look. “And definitely not because you get to sit back and watch the crazy shit unfold.”
Because if there was one thing you knew about Crowe, it was that he loved a little bit of drama. Sure, he had the prince act down to a science—student council vice president, responsible, mature—but deep down? 
He lowkey lived for the drama. As long as it didn’t involve him directly, of course. Eventually, he’d have to step in and be the voice of reason, but you knew he liked to watch the mess build first. 
“I mean,” he mused, smirking, “that is a bonus.”
You shook your head, though a grin threatened to break through. “All right, fine, golden boy. I’ll help plan your exclusive, high-class Halloween bash. But—” you held up a finger—“on one condition.”
Crowe tilted his head, amusement showing in his eyes. “And that is?”
“You,” you said, jabbing a finger at his chest like a judge delivering a sentence, “are going to be the main host. I’ll be your party-planning partner, but no way in hell am I letting you dump this whole thing on me while you kick back with some overpriced whiskey, watching drunk idiots puke in the potted plants.” You gestured vaguely. “Plus, this isn’t my house. You get to be responsible for the aftermath.”
Crowe’s smirk stretched wider, something downright sneaky about the glint in his eyes. “Oh, now that—” he exhaled a soft laugh, “that is actually a fantastic idea.” Then he suddenly added, “Yeah. By looking at you, I need the best of the best from you.” 
You tilted your head, a little confused. “You want psychological horror at a uni party?" Then questioned, "You do realize half these people are gonna be too drunk to appreciate subtle fear, right? Or they might just straight-up shit themselves, actually…” you trailed off, looking somewhat away, suddenly picturing someone sobbing in a corner after a jumpscare gone wrong.
Crowe, ever the dramatist, flicked a fallen leaf off your shoulder to catch your attention again. “Exactly why we have to make it inescapable.” His voice dipped lower, conspiratorial. “Something interactive. Something that makes them question what’s real and what’s just part of the game.”
You become quiet, allowing a ton of ideas to unravel in your mind like a quick-burning flame. Crowe watched you, expectant, because he knew you weren’t about to pass up the opportunity for pure, chaotic entertainment.
You let out a soft, resigned sigh. "All right, host," you agreed, flashing a slow, devilish grin. "Let’s make this the best damn Halloween this campus has ever seen." Your voice dropped, laced with mischief. "Let’s make them suffer."
Crowe’s grin stretched wider, victorious.
"Now that’s the spirit."
Without missing a second, he quickly turned away from you to address the group. "All right, listen up!" he announced, voice cutting through the conversations. "We’ve decided—we’re throwing a Halloween party. But not just any party. It’s going to be the party of the year. No, of the decade."
Everyone’s conversations paused. 
Heads turned toward him… and then toward you, who sat coolly with your head tilted, watching them carefully. You didn’t care how they reacted—but it was always so entertaining to see how easily people got excited or rattled when you got involved.
Predictably, Brittany—the self-proclaimed fashion gyaru queen—gasped dramatically. "Oh my god, finally! Someone who actually knows how to plan something fun. I’m all in! I’m planning everyone’s costumes!"
Next to her, Jess, who you thought of as Brittany’s bookworm assistant—even though you knew their relationship ran way deeper than that—clasped her hands together as if she’d just been handed the keys to her dream. "I can handle decorations if you need" She softly said.
Across the table, Deryl—still half-distracted, ranting about something to Geo—ears perked up immediately. "Sick! I’ll bring the food and drinks!" he shouted, ever the bundle of chaotic energy.
And then… there was Geo.
Without even lifting his head, flatly, "I’m not going."
The entire table fell silent, as the air itself paused.
You weren’t surprised. Not really. But still, damn, Geo had a way of shutting things down so fast it was almost impressive. 
What did bother you—no, annoy you—was the fact that you could never really read him the way you did everyone else. It wasn’t just about his words or his expression; it was his entire existence. 
Every single person in this group had something—some defining action that made them them.
Brittany had her dramatics, Jess had her quiet enthusiasm, Deryl was loud and chaotic, and Crowe? Well, Crowe is the group leader, he kinda born and lived to be the center of attention. 
All these moments when you knew exactly what everyone was feeling just by those simple actions. All except for Geo…
Geo was an fucking enigma. 
No ticks, no habits that stood out, no tells—nothing. You had spent enough time observing people to know that everyone had had something. Some little unconscious action that gave them away. A twitch of the fingers, a glance to the side, a shift in posture.
He gave nothing. 
Like ‘go-girl-gives-us-nothing’ type way. It was like he had perfected the art of being unreadable, and you hated that. Not because you wanted to know his secrets, but because it made him the only person in the damn circle you couldn’t get a solid read on. 
And that was just frustrating. 
Crowe, of course, was the first to break the silence, eyes gleaming with mischief and a hint of desperation. “Aww, come on. Live a little. It won’t kill you.”
Geo barely glanced up from whatever deep void of thought he was drowning in, his expression as flat as ever. “Debatable.”
Crowe gasped, clutching his chest like he’d just been personally betrayed. “You wound me.”
Deryl snorted. “Dude, we all know you never get tired of that kind of rejection.”
"True, but that doesn’t mean I like it," Crowe shot back, before turning to you. And there it was—that look. That smug, expectant smirk like he already decided you’d be the one to fix this for him.
“What do you think, fearless party planner?” he mused, tilting his head. "Think we can convince our dear, beloved Geo to make an appearance?"
You barely spared Crowe a glance before shifting your gaze to Geo, who was already looking at you. Same unreadable, sharp stare.
God, you hated that.
You folded your arms. “Convince him for what?” you deadpanned before flicking your gaze back to Crowe. “He’s a grown-ass man. If he doesn’t wanna come, he doesn’t have to.” Then, with a casual shrug, you added, “Like he just said—he’s not going. Guessing he has better things to do.”
Crowe raised a brow. “Like what?”
Geo, without hesitation: “Staying home.”
You scoffed. "Wow. Never mind. That’s not ‘better things.’ That’s just you being anti-social."
"Exactly."
Crowe, ever the instigator, leaned in with a wicked smirk. “C’mon, Geo. Can’t let your favorite person down.”
Geo didn’t even blink. “You’ll be fine.”
Crowe clicked his tongue. “I meant them.”
Geo did blink then, his head tilting slightly toward you. His expression, as always, unreadable.
You sighed dramatically, rubbing your temple. "Oh, don’t look at me. I’m not in the business of dragging unwilling hermits to social gatherings." Then, with a knowing smirk, you added, “Besides, I figured you’d wanna avoid watching people flirt all night. You do hate that.”
Geo exhaled through his nose. “Hate’s a strong word.”
“You called Deryl insufferable for existing in the same room as a couple making out.”
Deryl, meanwhile, was still processing. He gestured vaguely between you and Geo. “Hold on—I’m insufferable now?”
“You are insufferable,” Geo replied then looked back at you, “And?”
“And nothing,” you sighed, pushing yourself to your feet and striding toward Geo without hesitation. You stood up in front of him, arms crossed, meeting his gaze head-on. No flinching. No backing down.
Crowe stiffened. “Uh, wait a sec—”
Deryl raised a hand, almost like he was trying to stop a collision in real-time. “Hold on, they’re really not the type to—” He cut himself off, realizing too late that nothing was going to stop you once you were on a roll.
“I just think it’s funny that you’d rather sit in your room and rot than tolerate a few hours of other people’s bad decisions.” You leaned in slightly, tone casual but laced with challenge. “Not saying I disagree—hell, I’d do the same—but your friends are trying to plan something for once. It’s not like this happens every day. When was the last time you had fun?”
The question hung in the air.
Geo didn’t answer right away. He just stared at you, expression flat, eyes sharp, like he was analyzing the situation—breaking it down piece by piece, deciding whether this was even worth his time.
You weren’t about to let him off the hook that easily. Shifting your weight to one side, arms still crossed, you waited.
The silence stretched. The tension was almost comical.
Crowe let out a low whistle. “Damn. He’s actually engaging.”
Deryl nudged him. “And not in his usual ‘leave me alone before I ruin your entire existence’ way. That’s new.”
Despite being the center of attention, Geo didn’t seem fazed. He just kept his gaze locked onto you—steady, unreadable. But something was missing, something that made everyone else exchange glances. 
The usual disinterest wasn’t there. If anything… 
He actually looked like he was considering what you’d said. Almost.
Because this conversation had already drained his will to live, he dragged a hand down his face. “Define your version of ‘fun’.”
You rolled your eyes. “Geo.” You shot him a pointed look. “See, that’s the problem. You shouldn’t have to think that hard. Fun is just… doing things. No overanalyzing. No brooding. Just existing and actually enjoying something. Not everything has to be a damn chess game. Trust me, I’d know.”
He shrugged, as effortlessly indifferent as ever. “I have fun.”
“Oh yeah?” You tilted your head, letting out an exaggerated sigh. “Name one thing you’ve done in the past month that qualifies as fun.” 
Silence. Geo just looked at you.
Brittney, who had been watching from the sidelines, leaned in with growing amusement. “Ooh, this is good. Two rounds in a row. That’s a new record.”
Crowe grinned. “Yeah, ‘cause he’s thinking way too hard about it.”
You pressed on, relentless. “Exactly. Fun isn’t something you have to dig through your mental archives for. It’s not a research paper. It just happens. But no, not you. You have to break it down like it’s some kind of military operation.”
Geo finally broke eye contact, glancing at his friends—who were all watching with barely contained smirks. He exhaled sharply, somewhere between a sigh and the world’s most unamused laugh.
“I don’t overanalyze everything,” he muttered.
Crowe snorted. “Oh, you so do.”
Deryl crossed his arms. “And yet, instead of shutting this down, you’re still letting them roast you.”
Everyone went quiet, exchanging looks.
Geo never entertained conversations like this. He shut people down fast—disinterest, sarcasm, a flat-out refusal to engage. And yet, here he was. Still sitting there. 
Still responding to you.
Crowe lit up like he’d just uncovered some grand secret. “Damn. You’re like the Geo Whisperer.”
You shot him a glare. “Oh, shut up.” Though, admittedly, you were still a little annoyed. Someone had to put the smug bastard in his place. Why did everyone just let him get away with being so rude?
Geo, predictably, ignored the remark entirely. Instead, he leaned back in his seat, meeting your gaze once more. “So what? You expect me to go to this party just to prove I know how to have fun?” He clicked his tongue, glancing away for a brief moment before looking back at you. “Sounds exhausting.”
You threw your hands up. “You are exhausting!”
Deryl barked out a laugh, slinging an arm around Crowe. “I love this. We should do this more often.”
Crowe nodded sagely. “This feels like an intervention.”
Geo remained entirely unbothered, stretching out lazily. “I don’t need an intervention.”
“You do if your idea of fun is staring,” you shot back.
Geo raised a brow. “It’s peaceful.”
“I don’t have time for this.” You reached for your bag, which Crowe handed over without a word, already anticipating your next move. “I’m gonna be late for class.”
But before leaving, you turned back, stepping closer until you were face-to-face with Geo. “Are you coming or not?”
Geo tapped his fingers idly against his knee, pretending to give it deep thought. “…To that sorry excuse of a Halloween party, or the lame-ass Art gen ed you’re being forced to take?”
You narrowed your eyes. “You know exactly which one I’m talking about. Don’t start with me.”
“…No,” he said flatly, without hesitation.
Deryl let out a low snort. “Damn. Shot down eventually.”
You huffed. “Look, all I’m saying is you should show up so people don’t turn you into some urban legend—the guy who never left his cave.” Then, with a smirk, you added, “But hey, if you wanna keep the mystery alive, be my guest. I’m sure your fans would love it. Hell, I can see them behind you right now.”
Geo frowned before glancing back—and sure enough, there they were. The usual group that trailed after him like lost puppies, practically vibrating with anticipation.
“Subaru!” one called out.
“Please, we have better gifts this time!” another pleaded.
“Who’s that talking to him? They need to back off,” someone whispered, loud enough to be heard.
You sighed, utterly done. “I don’t have time for this nonsense. People here are so clouded.” The way they obsessed over Geo, over the idea of him—like he was some puzzle they could solve or a prize they could win.
It was simply exhausting. Turning, you walked up to Crowe and gave him a simple pat on his head. "I’m off, see you later everyone." He let out a small gasp, briefly catching your hand in his before releasing it, eyes wide with exaggerated surprise. 
Then, just as quickly, he beamed. “Hhm, okay.”  
Without another word, you turned and walked away, shaking off the lingering irritation as you headed to class.
He knew that look on your face—annoyance, exasperation, but not the kind people had when they wanted something from him. You weren’t like the others, not circling him like vultures, not clouded by whatever ridiculous infatuation everyone else seemed to have.
That’s what made it odd. 
You talked to him, called him out, and never once looked at him with expectation. No attempt to impress, no ulterior motive. Just blunt honesty, the same way he was with everyone else. 
And yet, unlike most, you weren’t scared off by it.
Geo stayed quiet, standing up as well. “I’m heading to class too.” He exhaled sharply, covering his mouth with his hand—but not fast enough to hide the small, amused scoff that slipped out.
Crowe gasped dramatically. “Oh my God. Was that a laugh?”
Deryl shook his head, grinning. “Nah. Impossible. Geo doesn’t laugh.”
“Please shut up,” Geo muttered, his expression quickly settling back into its usual blank indifference. But even as he turned away, his gaze flickered—just for a second—focused somewhere else.
Somewhere else on campus, a quiet spot near the hall pillar, half-hidden in its shadow, Sol watched as you walked away—your irritation still evident in the way your shoulders tensed and the way you didn’t bother looking back.
But instead of heading straight to class, you took your usual detour.
Sol knew your routine well enough by now. Instead of the direct path, you veered toward the student center, the familiar rhythm of your movements unchanging. The market upstairs—probably grabbing a snack before heading off to whatever class had you rushing. You always did this. Always made time for small comforts, even when you were annoyed.
He exhaled softly, his red-orange eyes following you even after you disappeared into the building.
You didn’t see him. Maybe you never did. 
The way the autumn wind caught in your hair, tugging at it like it wanted to keep you there. The way the faint glint of silver jewelry flickered under the weak sunlight. The way you moved, deliberate yet unhurried, like the world wasn’t something to be conquered but something to be entertained by.
Sol had never cared much for people’s routines. Never cared to notice them.
But yours?
Yours was different. And that was the problem.
Sol shifted his weight against the pillar, the cool stone grounding him as he watched from a distance, his expression unreadable. The crisp autumn air did little to cool the heat crawling up his spine as his thoughts replayed that small moment: you patting Crowe’s head, and Crowe, as always, taking the opportunity to pull you closer with that smug, almost playful smile. 
The effortless way he grabbed your hand had Sol’s jaw tightening, a flicker of irritation sparking deep inside him. It wasn’t anything obvious—Crowe did that with everyone, after all. 
But still, Sol couldn’t shake it.
He wasn’t sure why he was even standing here, loitering like some background character in a movie where he didn’t belong. You barely knew each other—a handful of passing conversations, one awkward art class where you’d been paired together because his only friend had stopped showing up—that was it.
And yet...
That day in art class, when he first met you… something had changed.
You were late, nearly crashing into the tables as you hurried in, breathless but laughing, as if your own disarray amused you. You spotted the empty seat beside him, and without hesitation, asked to be his partner. 
No hesitation. No judgment. Just... acceptance.
Sol had agreed with a nonchalant shrug, but at that moment, something unfamiliar had curled inside him.
Again, you were different. Not like the usual people he tolerated. 
You weren’t just there for the grade, despite not being an art major—you genuinely cared about the work. The way you got lost in it, when something caught your eye, and you couldn’t stop talking about it—no matter how trivial it might’ve seemed to others. You’d explain your thoughts, your logic, about every detail, about how each stroke of the pencil had a purpose, how every line and shade carried intention.
Sol barely spoke, but he didn’t need to. He watched. He watched the way your hands moved with purpose, the way you’d trace the contours of your sketchbook with such precision, smudging graphite into shadows as if it came naturally to you. The way you furrowed your brow in concentration, completely lost in the work, and how, for just a moment, the world seemed to fade away for you. It was mesmerizing, the way you brought an image to life was like it was second nature.
It was captivating. You were… captivating. Stalker
Sol exhaled sharply, rolling his shoulders as if he could shake off whatever this was. But somehow, that one class, that single moment, had spiraled into something far more complicated.
Now, he always noticed you before anyone else did. In short, the way your voice carried a subtle lilt, full of amusement when you spoke about the things that made you light up. Again, the way your hands moved as you explained your thoughts, and the fluid gestures made everything you said seem deliberate and meaningful. The way you laughed when you thought no one was watching—soft, hidden under your hand, as though you were trying to keep it contained, but it slipped out anyway.
But then, there was the part Sol hated—the part he couldn’t escape. 
You with Crowe and his friends. It was always the same. You were normally alone, but Crowe—fucking Crowe—always seemed to be the one to invite you first. Sol would watch from a distance, his eyes narrowed, his jaw tight, as Crowe casually touched you—your hands, your arm, always in that effortless, easy way that made it seem like it meant nothing. 
Like you were just another part of his world. Sol hated it. Not that he had any right to. Because, in the end, he barely knew you.
Yet, here he was, wanting—no, needing—you to see him. 
“Sol!” No response.
You squinted, tilting your head as you watched him from across the table. You both were supposed to be working on your art gen ed project, but there he was—sitting next to you, physically present, yet his mind was miles away.
You could practically see the wheels turning in his head, but they weren’t turning toward the project. No, they were off somewhere in his personal, brooding universe.
“Sol!” you called again, dragging out his name, waving a hand in front of his face like you were trying to snap a possessed doll out of its trance. 
Still nothing. Your eyes narrowed. Oh, hell no.
You grabbed the nearest object—an innocent pencil—and flicked the back of it, hitting his forehead with just enough force to yank him out of whatever deep, spiraling thought he’d fallen into. Sol blinked, his red-orange eyes sharpening, the look of someone just rudely pulled back to reality. He stared at you, mildly startled, brows furrowed in confusion.
You crossed your arms. “I’ve been calling your name for like five minutes now—are you okay or something?”
He blinked again, seemingly processing. “You’re exaggerating.”
“I am not exaggerating,” you shot back. “I called your name like, at least four times. That’s practically an hour in ‘I’m-talking-to-a-wall’ time.”
Sol rubbed the spot where the pencil hit him, exhaling through his nose as he tried to reset his brain. Damn it. He’d gotten stuck in his thoughts again—thoughts about you, no less. Not on purpose, of course. It just… happened. 
Against his will. Completely unfair.
Meanwhile, you were already talking again, hands gesturing as you rambled. “Listen, I need your full, undivided attention because I have very important news.” You leaned in slightly, lowering your voice like you were about to drop some life-altering information.
Sol, still mildly annoyed but intrigued despite himself, gave you a blank stare. “…What.”
You grinned. “I’m now a party planner with one of my closest friends. He’s the host of this upcoming Halloween party, wanted my insight since, you know…”
Sol’s face remained impressively neutral. “...Okay?”
You gasped, like he had just insulted your entire existence. “Okay?! That’s all you have to say?! Do you even know what this means?”
“It means I should probably prepare for a disaster,” he deadpanned.
“Excuse you,” you huffed. “This is going to be legendary. The Halloween party of the century.” You sighed, “Spooky. Chaotic. Unforgettable. I will be designing an experience that will haunt everyone for therest of their lives.”
Sol raised an eyebrow. “...So, a disaster.”
You crossed your arms, “Good parties always lead to disaster that’s how you have fun—oh I’m sorry, you never got invited to parties, Mr. Lonely. Says the one-that-only-has-one fucking-friend in their life.” You added, playfully teasing.No personally, I meant that.
Sol rolled his eyes and sighed, leaning back in his chair with an exaggerated groan. “Okay and? Tell me how did this ‘friend’ of yours manage to rope you into this mess, exactly?”
You shrugged nonchalantly. “Like I said, he needed my Halloween expertise, you know since Halloween is like my whole vibe.” You gestured vaguely at yourself like it was obvious.
Sol gave you a once-over, his eyes lingering a bit longer than necessary. Then he shook his head with that typical, bemused look. “Yeah, no kidding. You dress like a witch all year round, it only makes sense.”
You raised an eyebrow, feigning offense. “Excuse you. And what about you, Mr. Basement Dweller? You’re practically one mood away from turning into a permanent shadow, always sitting in the back of the class as per usual.” You mentioned that you and he are currently sitting at the back of the class.
His lips twitched in an almost smile, but he shot you a deadpan glare. “Basement dweller? That’s your go-to insult?”
“Oh, am I wrong?” you teased, leaning back with a smirk.
Sol let out another theatrical sigh, shaking his head like he was somehow disappointed in you. “And here I thought we were building a solid foundation of mutual respect.”
“You thought wrong,” you said smoothly, resting your chin on your hand, clearly enjoying the back-and-forth. “But seriously, you should come to the party. I’ll even let you sulk in the darkest corner like the brooding emo you are.”
He gave you a look that could only be described as deadpan, followed by a dismissive click of his tongue. “I’ll think about it.”
You grinned, leaning forward just a bit. “That’s the closest thing to a ‘yes’ I’m ever gonna get from you, huh?”
Sol muttered something under his breath, clearly trying to pretend he wasn’t intrigued, but the faintest ghost of a smirk betrayed him. 
Yeah, he was definitely thinking about it.
Later, the soft hum of students murmuring over their own art projects faded into the background as your attention snapped back to your half-finished piece. The assignment was straightforward—create something abstract that conveyed either movement or emotion. Simple enough.
Sol, however, was lost in his own world. Beside you, his sleeves pushed up, charcoal smudges marking his fingers, working with that same detached intensity that had defined your first partnered project.
The only sounds between you were the occasional scratch of his pencil against paper. It wasn’t uncomfortable, but there was an odd, unspoken feeling hanging in the air. A quiet tension that you couldn’t quite place.
He paused for a moment, fingers hovering in mid-air, and despite yourself, you glanced up. He wasn’t focused on the work anymore.
“…How much to get in?”
You blinked, taking a few seconds to process the question before finally looking up, caught off guard. “For what?”
Sol didn’t look up, his hand moving slowly and deliberately over the paper as he continued sketching. "For the Halloween party." His tone was neutral, like it didn’t really matter, but the way his fingers tightened around the pencil suggested otherwise.
You raise an eyebrow. “Are you actually interested in going?”
His jaw clenched, eyes narrowing just a fraction before he finally glanced at you. "Just asking," he muttered, quickly diverting his gaze back to the paper.
Then amusement flickering across your face. “You don’t seem like the type to care about university parties.”
“I don’t,” he admitted, finally setting his pencil down and meeting your gaze fully. “But you’re helping plan it…”
That stopped you in your tracks. Someone was actually interested in your party, unlike a certain someone. The way Sol said it so plainly, without teasing or deflecting, was strange—like it was simply a fact. No hidden meaning.
Sol looked away for a second, rubbing at the back of his neck, fingers smudging charcoal on his skin. You noticed the faint bruises there, ones that lingered around his neck and lower waist, the kind that showed when his shirt lifted just slightly, only for him to quickly pull it back down.
You never questioned it, though. 
You had a feeling those marks weren’t from accidents, they were from bullies of course. You’d seen him at the infirmary too many times to think otherwise. The school always offered help and therapy, but it felt like nothing ever came of it. University Olympus didn’t really care about anyone who wasn’t rich or connected.
"You look like someone who actually knows horror," he muttered, still not meeting your eyes. "Not just cheap jump scares and plastic skeletons." His fingers twitched slightly before dropping back to the table. "If you're the one making it, then it might actually be... worth going."
A small sigh escaped your lips before you could stop it—nothing mocking, just amused, warm, maybe even a little surprised. 
"So that’s why you’re asking."
Sol stiffened, and for the first time since you'd met him, you noticed the flush of red creeping up his neck, dusting his cheeks. He huffed, quickly turning back to his drawing like it would shield him from your reaction. 
"Forget it."
But you didn’t. You could never. "No, no. I’ll make sure to send you a free ticket." You waved your hand nonchalantly before pulling out your phone.
Sol didn’t say anything back, but you caught the faintest hint of a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. 
He definitely appreciated it, especially when it came from you.
As the art class ended, the usual shuffle of students packing up their supplies filled the room. Others rushed out the door to either get home or catch the last few minutes of the dining hall's late hours.
The sounds of chairs scraping against the floor and muted conversations about upcoming deadlines echoed in the background. The sky outside had begun its slow descent into dusk, streaks of orange and purple bleeding into the horizon. You and Sol stepped out of the art building, the cool autumn air settling against your skin.
You pulled out your phone to check the time, and a thought crossed your mind. "Sol," you called.
He quickly turned his head, and you noticed how he always did that whenever you called his name. "Yes?"
"I won’t be able to walk with you to class, or from it, for the next few days," you mentioned, feeling a slight pang of regret. "This party planning's eating up my time. I’ll finish my part of the project later this week so I won’t forget."
Sol didn’t respond right away, shoving his hands into his pants pockets as he walked beside you, the gravel crunching underfoot. After a beat, he said, “I can finish it for you.”
You blinked, glancing at him. “What?”
He shrugged, his gaze fixed ahead as though the offer wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. “Your part. I can finish it for you.”
That threw you off. Again. You weren't the type to leave someone hanging like that, especially not on a project that was worth a significant chunk of your grade. While you trusted your own skills, handing it off to someone else—even someone as skilled as Sol—felt... odd.
“I don’t know…” You frowned slightly, adjusting the strap of your bag. “It’s not that I don’t think you can do it, but I usually handle my own work. I don’t like slacking off, even if it’s something small.”
Sol exhaled through his nose, the faintest hint of amusement in his voice. “I’m not saying you’re slacking. You already did most of it.” He glanced at you then, his eyes sharper than before. “I just get it.”
You tilted your head, narrowing your eyes slightly as you tried to process his words. “Get what?”
Sol's response was almost automatic. "You," he said simply, his tone flat, like it was an obvious thing. Then, just as quickly, a faint flush of red crept up his neck, and he looked away, clearly a little caught off guard. 
“I-I meant, your style." You noticed the shift in his demeanor, the way he hesitated before continuing. “The way you layer shadows, the details you focus on—it’s something I can learn from. Won’t take me more than an hour, maybe a day at most.”
His voice, though still steady, held a quiet certainty that you couldn’t quite place. There was no arrogance this time, no challenge. It wasn’t about proving he could do it better. It was just… different. 
He wanted to learn from you, wanted to understand your approach.
And that, for some reason, felt strange.
You studied him for a moment, the words lingering between you like a question. There was an odd intimacy in the idea of someone else taking over your work—something about it felt too personal, too close. The thought of it made your stomach twist in a way you couldn’t fully explain.
But it wasn’t just that. It wasn’t just the offer. You had sensed something else before—how his gaze always seemed to follow you, how his attention lingered longer than it should. There was an intensity to it, something beneath the surface that you couldn’t ignore. You always kept it at the back of your mind, locked away and left unspoken, but it was there.
You shook it off, focusing back on his offer, trying to suppress that tight feeling in your chest. “Nah, I can complete it,” you said, brushing off the unease as best as you could.
Sol shrugged nonchalantly, though his gaze flicked back to you, a quiet understanding settling between you. “Suit yourself.”
You both started walking, the cool air tugging at the strands of your hair, and the quiet hum of the campus seemed to pulse with life in the stillness between you. As you walked, Sol’s pace slowed, and his gaze flickered briefly to the ground, a subtle shift that made you catch it—something in him had changed. You barely noticed, but you did.
“Are you heading home?” he asked, his voice casual, but there was something sharp beneath it, like a blade wrapped in velvet.
You shook your head, feeling that familiar prickling unease at the back of your neck. “No. Crowe still needs help with the party planning. There’s a ton to do, and he’s counting on me.”
Sol’s expression faltered for a split second. His lips tightened, his jaw clenching slightly as if something inside him had shifted. “So this friend of yours is Crowe, huh?” he asked, his voice more strained than you expected. His eyes narrowed just enough for you to catch it, but not enough to make it obvious.
You noticed the tension in his voice, and it made the air between you feel thicker. “Yeah… He’s my friend. I’m helping him out. The party’s important to him, so I promised I’d help,” you said, trying to keep things light, but the back of your mind nagged at you. There was something in his tone, something that hinted at more than just casual curiosity.
For a moment, Sol didn’t respond. His gaze was fixed on the ground, and you could almost see the thoughts churning behind his eyes. The silence between you stretched longer than it should have, until Sol finally muttered, quieter now, as if he was sorting through his thoughts.
“Right,” he said, his voice almost hesitant.
His shoulders slumped slightly, as if trying to make himself smaller, more distant. “I’ll… I’ll take you home afterward, then.”
You blinked, surprised by the offer. “Oh, you don’t have to do that. I’ll figure it out. Also, I was thinking… I might send you a ticket or two for the party, in case you’ve got someone to bring along—maybe a date?” You teased lightly, the smile on your lips almost automatic, but the flutter in your chest lingered, a feeling you couldn’t shake.
For a moment, Sol’s gaze shifted to you, his brow furrowing, lips pressing into a tight line. In that fleeting second, you caught a flash of irritation before he masked it again. “I’ll go. But a date is out of the question for someone like me. Hyugo will come with me,” he said, his tone calm, clipped.
He glanced at you then, his gaze softer, almost uncertain, and the shift didn’t go unnoticed. It was like he was wrestling with something internally, and it made you uneasy, though you couldn't quite place why.
The silence stretched between you as you both continued walking, the hum of campus fading into the background. Sol seemed lost in thought, distant, until he spoke again, his voice breaking the quiet like a sudden ripple in calm water.
“Hey,” Sol called out, his tone casual, but now there was something unsteady in it. You stopped, turning back to face him, an eyebrow raised in curiosity at the shift in his voice.
“Do you, uh, like him?”
Sol asked, his words almost hesitant, like they slipped out before he could stop them. His gaze was steady, but there was a flicker in his eyes—a slight tension that made your pulse quicken just a little. It was almost as if he was fishing for something, but you couldn't quite place what.
For a moment, everything seemed to freeze—the sounds of the campus, the distant chatter of students, the rustle of leaves in the breeze. The world fell away as you processed his question, a weight settling in the pit of your stomach. “What now?" you asked, trying to keep your voice level as low as possible. "Who are you referring to?"
Sol shifted, his eyes not quite meeting yours as he said, "Your friend, Crowe..." His voice dropped lower, the words hanging between you like an unanswered question. The air around you seemed to hum with an unspoken tension, and you could feel it in your chest—a tightening you couldn’t ignore.
You side-eyed him, trying to process what was happening, and why his question seemed to carry more weight than it should. "Why are you asking such a question?" you asked, crossing your arms defensively, trying to push back against the uncomfortable feeling creeping in.
Sol hesitated for a beat, his fingers curling into fists before he forced himself to relax them. "Just cause," he muttered, his eyes avoiding yours just a moment too long. Then, he looked at you again, his gaze almost sad now, like he was waiting for something. 
"What do you think of him?"
You blinked, feeling an unfamiliar heat rush to your skin. "I mean... shit, he's my friend," you said slowly, trying to make sense of why he was asking this, why it felt so strange. 
Sol's jaw tightened visibly, but he quickly masked it with a shrug, his usual cool demeanor slipping back into place. "Do you like him or not?” His voice held an edge like he was pushing for an answer he wasn’t sure he wanted to hear.
You didn’t answer immediately, unsure of how to even begin. 
The question felt... invasive, almost too personal like he was probing into something that wasn’t his business. Instead, you looked away, crossing your arms as if that could shield you from whatever he was looking for.
"Okay," you said, almost dismissively. 
You sighed, running a hand through your hair as the words hung between you. “Since you want my answer so badly…” You paused, choosing your words carefully. “I don’t really feel... anything for Crowe. He’s just a close friend, that’s all I’ll say.”
It felt strange to say it out loud, but the truth was simple—your relationships with people weren’t complicated in the way most people seemed to be. You didn’t get the rush of excitement, the butterflies, the desire to be close to someone in that way. 
That wasn’t something you’d ever felt. 
Crowe was just someone you gave pity to be friends with, like now, someone who needed help with the party planning. Nothing more. And it wasn’t like you didn’t appreciate him as a friend—he’s trusting and reliable—but your feelings didn’t go beyond that.
There was a flicker in Sol’s eyes as he processed your words, but he didn’t press further. Instead, he just gave you a small nod, as if satisfied with your answer. The silence between you stretched, and you could feel his gaze lingering on you, but you didn’t look back at him.
And then, almost as if on cue, Sol spoke again, his voice a little too casual, like he was trying to mask whatever it was he was really thinking. 
“So… do you like anyone else, then?”
What the fuck. You paused, taken aback. Another question seemed so out of left field. You weren’t someone who spent time thinking about relationships or feelings, and honestly, the thought hadn’t crossed your mind in ages. You shrugged nonchalantly, the weight of his question still lingering like an itch you couldn’t scratch. “I don’t know,” you said, the answer rolling off your tongue with little care. 
"It’s not something I really think about, honestly."
It wasn’t a lie. You’d never really put much thought into who you were supposed to like, who you were supposed to want, or any of that typical nonsense people obsessed over. You had a type, theoretically, sure. You knew what attributes you were ‘supposed’ to like. But, you never actually fell for someone with those qualities. Maybe it was just the concept of attraction that you understood, but the actual feeling? 
That was still foreign to you.
Oh my god, thinking about it made your brain spiral. What did attract you? You could only pinpoint superficial stuff, like how someone looked, or how clean and put-together they were. That sounded so shallow, but it was the damn truth.
You liked people you got along with. That was it. That was all.
The idea of attraction—how people acted on it—wasn’t just distant. It hurt to think about. The obsessive thoughts started crawling into your brain, uninvited, picking apart every little thing. The more you thought, the more it didn’t make sense. The more your head started to pound, the more everything became a blur of unrealistic expectations that didn’t fit you, didn’t interest you. It had never made sense, not the way it seemed to for everyone else.
You clenched your jaw, trying to push the thoughts away, but it was like trying to hold back a flood with your bare hands. Ugh, this was too much. Just thinking about it made your head hurt too much. So much unwanted noise.
You frowned deeply, shaking off the thoughts, but the irritation still lingered. 
For Sol to be thinking about you… liking someone… well, that was a different story entirely. 
The more you dwelled on it, the more uncomfortable it felt. 
Like he was pressing you into a space that wasn’t yours to occupy. Why was he asking you these questions? What did it matter to him who you liked or didn’t like? The thoughts didn’t stop, though. They lingered.
You couldn’t help but notice the way Sol’s gaze shifted when you gave your answer. The way he seemed almost... invested in your response. It left a bad taste in your mouth like there was something you were missing, something obvious he wasn’t saying, but the longer you thought about it, the stranger it felt.
Sol didn’t press further after that. Instead, he fell into silence, his expression unreadable as he stared ahead, lost in his thoughts.
You, on the other hand, couldn’t stop thinking about who Sol meant, Crowe. You couldn’t stop thinking about how easily you and Crowe interacted, how natural it was for you two to fall into a rhythm. He was one of the few people who didn’t overwhelm your brain. 
Sol had been watching that dynamic, hadn’t he? 
And it irked him. That much was clear. The way Crowe smiled—effortless, easy. The way his eyes always seemed to be calculating something, like he was always two steps ahead of everyone else. That cool, confident air Crowe carried around—it grated on Sol in ways he couldn’t fully explain.
He wasn’t jealous—It wasn’t about that. But something about the way you and Crowe meshed... it made something inside of Sol twist, in a way he couldn’t control, couldn’t understand.
But he kept all of that to himself, kept the thoughts buried deep.
You were your own person. Whatever dynamic you had with Crowe, it wasn’t his place to question. He tried to remind himself of that, even if it didn’t sit quite right.
But damn, watching you and Crowe together—how effortless it seemed, how naturally you both slipped into your own little world—it gnawed at Sol in a way he couldn’t explain. It wasn’t immediate, but over time, every time he saw the two of you together, something dark twisted in his gut. He wasn’t sure when it started, but he could feel it now, creeping under his skin like a slow-burning ache.
It wasn’t about Crowe—not really.
It was you. 
How much of your attention he commanded, how easily you gave it to him, how little was left for anyone else. For Sol. It made him want to pull you back, to demand that you notice him the way you noticed Crowe.
The frustration burned in his chest, a familiar acid, but he buried it. He told himself it was nothing, just a fleeting feeling. Yet, every time you laughed with Crowe, every time he saw the two of you deep in conversation, Sol couldn’t help but feel a sharp pang of something ugly stir inside him.
Fuck it. Sol was jealous.
Lost in the clamor of his thoughts, Sol barely registered the sudden force that knocked you off balance, halting your steps beside him. His body tensed, irritation flaring instantly as his eyes snapped to the figure responsible.
Geo. That smug, silent bastard.
Geo’s grip on your arm was firm—possessive, yet controlled, his fingers pressing just enough to make it clear you weren’t slipping away from him so easily. His gaze locked onto yours, sharp and unreadable.
“I was calling your name.” His voice was steady, but there was something unmistakably demanding beneath it.
You exhaled sharply, yanked out of your thoughts by the sudden tug. His hold wasn’t painful, but it wasn’t exactly gentle either—it was the kind of grip that left no room for argument.
“Well, damn. Hello to you too, Geo,” you muttered, irritation flickering in your voice as you glanced at where his hand still held you.
Sol stood still, his eyes narrowed as he followed Geo’s actions, though he seemed completely oblivious to the stir he caused. What made Sol’s blood boil, however, was the way Geo’s gaze flicked down at you, lingering just a fraction too long.
Sol’s jaw tightened, in frustration. He wanted to close the gap between you and Geo, wanted to do something, anything, to put some distance between you two, but he forced himself to remain still, the pressure of his feelings simmering just beneath the surface. He took a half-step forward, his voice cool but edged with an unmistakable hint of concern. 
“You okay?” His eyes scanned you, looking for any sign of discomfort, something that would give him a reason to intervene.
Before you could respond, Geo’s hand landed on your head, ruffling your hair in a slow, almost patronizing motion, pushing it back and forth like you were some distracted kid. “You need to stop letting your thoughts take over. It’s all over your damn face.”
Sol’s muscles tensed, irritation prickling under his skin. The sight of Geo touching you—so casually, so familiar—sent a sharp surge of frustration through him. His fingers twitched at his side, the urge to shove Geo’s hand away clawing at his chest.
But you didn’t flinch. You didn’t even react.
Instead, you reached up, fingers curling around Geo’s wrist in a quiet but firm grip, stopping him from shaking you any further. There was no aggression in your touch, just a steady, silent plea for him to quit it. “I’m aware,” you muttered, exhaling through your nose. “Shit, did something happen?”
Geo didn’t move, his hand still resting in yours, his expression as cold and unreadable as ever. His sharp gaze locked onto yours, unwavering—as if Sol wasn’t even there.
“Jericho says you’re late,” Geo stated flatly, his voice carrying its usual indifference. “He needs your help with the party. Told me to pick you up after class.”
You rolled your eyes, sighing. “Really? Why you?”
Geo shrugged, unconcerned. “Be grateful I agreed, or you’d be walking.” His hand slipped from yours as he took a step back, already turning to leave. He didn’t bother with another word—just a glance over his shoulder at Sol, a brief, knowing look that said more than words ever could. “I’ll be waiting ahead when you’re done talking to your…” His eyes flickered to Sol, annoyance barely concealed in his expression before he continued on his way.
You let out a frustrated sigh, irritated by the lack of help from Geo, but knowing there was little you could do to change it. As Geo walked off, you turned back to Sol, trying to piece together what had just happened.
"Right, just so you know, that’s Subaru Oogami. AKA Geo, Crowe’s supposed best friend," you explained, your tone casual, as if what he’d just done was nothing out of the ordinary. 
You could tell from the look on Sol’s face that he was confused—probably wondering how you could treat that behavior as if it meant nothing. To be honest, you knew Geo well enough to know he wasn’t the type to hurt you, and as long as someone was friends with Crowe, you figured you could trust them. 
But that was unnecessary to mention, so you didn’t.
Sol’s eyes narrowed, still tracking Geo’s retreating figure. Something was simmering beneath the surface, a flicker of something uncomfortably possessive in the way his jaw clenched. “Him, huh?” he muttered, trying to mask the chill in his voice, but it was obvious he was unsettled.
“Ah, right, I’ve heard of him. A strict rich guy from that high society, right?”
You scoff softly, though it comes out strained as you look away. The awkward tension between you two was building, and you shifted uncomfortably under his intense gaze. “You could say that. But he’s harmless. Just…” You trailed off, unsure how to explain without defending Geo too much. It wasn’t like you had to explain yourself to Sol, anyway.
“He’s like that with everyone. Don’t read too much into it.”
Sol wasn’t convinced. 
His eyes didn’t leave the spot where Geo had stood ahead, his focus still locked on him, like he was trying to figure out something deeper he couldn’t grasp. His voice dropped, taking on a more measured tone, but there was still a sharpness to it. “I see,” he muttered, but it felt loaded with something unspoken. Like he was holding back, processing more than he was letting on.
You sensed it, too—the odd moment hanging between you. You tried to defuse it, rolling your eyes, “Soo, anyway, I really have to go. Or Crowe will get my ass again.” You shrugged and gave him a teasing smile, hoping to lighten the mood. “See you later. Don’t get too caught up in your art thing.”
Just as you turned to walk away, Sol’s voice rang out, “Wait.”
You froze, his tone pulling you back. Before you could fully react, Sol had taken a step closer, his hand reaching out, about to grip your shoulder. The motion was quick, but you pulled back instinctively, creating space between you two. 
You looked up at him, meeting his gaze with an arched brow, silently asking, “What is it?”
Sol’s eyes somewhat widened, something almost reluctant, before he pulled his hand back, looking at you with a mix of frustration and pity. “Uh, Nothing,” Sol said, his voice tight, the moment of tension hanging in the air between you both. “Just... take care.”
With that, he stepped back, his expression unreadable. You gave him a nod, flashing another teasing smile, hoping to ease the tension still lingering in the air. “Okay, I’ll expect to see you at the party.” Your tone was light, casual—like nothing had shifted between you.
But as you turned on your heel and started walking away, Sol didn’t move. He stayed rooted in place, his gaze locked onto your back, watching the way you made your way toward Geo without hesitation.
His fingers curled slightly at his sides, a quiet frustration settling deep in his chest. He watched the way Geo barely had to say anything before you fell into step beside him, the way the space between you felt so natural—so practiced.
Sol exhaled sharply, jaw tightening.
You didn’t even glance back.
His mind raced with thoughts of what had just happened. 
You didn’t let him touch you… but you let Crowe—Mr. perfect hold your hands all the time. Hell, even that smug asshole Geo had touched your head and your hands, yet you didn’t let Sol so much as touch your shoulder?
Fuck… He pushed his chance too early. 
Then Sol’s eyes widen suddenly locked with Geo’s. When Geo glanced back at him, it was subtle, but Sol caught it—a quick sweep of his eyes, sharp and knowing.
A warning.
Sol had heard a bit about Geo from Hyugo, though Hyugo barely talked about him. When he did, it was always cryptic, like there was more going on with Geo than anyone realized.
The one thing Sol knew for sure was that those two were brothers.
As you walked beside Geo, Sol couldn’t help but notice how Geo’s sharp eyes never stopped scanning, constantly absorbing everything around him while you spoke, not really looking at him—more like explaining yourself, knowing he could hear you from that distance. 
“I need to be careful around him,” Sol thought to himself, his pulse quickening with frustration.
It gnawed at him, the feeling that Geo knew exactly what he was doing—keeping your attention locked firmly on Crowe. 
It was maddening.
The way Geo so effortlessly positioned himself between you and Sol, like a silent, immovable wall, made his blood boil. It was too perfect, too deliberate, and worst of all...
You didn’t seem to mind. Not one bit.
"Seriously, Geo," you started, your voice cutting through the quiet as the two of you walked side by side. The only sound between you was the faint rustling of leaves underfoot, the crisp evening air settling around you. 
You shot him an exasperated look, brows furrowed. "Did you have to be that rude to Sol back there? You could’ve at least said hi instead of… whatever that was."
Geo, unsurprisingly, didn’t even glance your way. His posture remained as indifferent as ever, his hands shoved deep into his pockets, shoulders relaxed, exuding that same effortless disinterest. He rolled his eyes in an exaggerated motion, the very picture of unbothered.
"Why would I bother?" His tone was flat, dismissive. "It’s not like he’s important. Just some emo lame-ass."
You let out a sharp sigh, resisting the growing urge to shove him. "Geo," you warned, irritation creeping into your voice. "You don’t have to like him, but could you at least try to be civil?"
Geo, as expected, didn’t dignify that with a response. His expression remained unreadable, gaze fixed ahead like he had all the time in the world. His silence only made your frustration simmer more—how effortlessly detached he always was, how little anything seemed to faze him.
The two of you stepped into the campus parking lot, the gravel crunching beneath your shoes. The night air carried a sharp chill, but Geo, as always, seemed completely unfazed—so much so that you almost entertained the funny idea that he must be cold-blooded. Heh. Wouldn’t be surprising.
The dim glow of the flickering streetlights reflected off his car’s sleek, freshly painted black exterior, its polished surface gleaming under the occasional passing headlights. A perfect match for the man leaning against it—unapproachable, unreadable, and utterly composed.
Without a word, Geo moved ahead of you, his steps fluid and deliberate as he reached the passenger side door. There was nothing particularly chivalrous about the way he opened it—no warmth, no grand gesture—just a smooth, effortless motion as if it was more out of habit than kindness.
Still, before stepping aside, he glanced over his shoulder, sharp gaze scanning the lot, the street beyond—checking for something. Or someone. His expression remained inscrutable, his piercing eyes flickering toward the empty road for only a fraction of a second before he moved back, allowing you to slide in.
Geo shut the door behind you with quiet finality. Again, no words. 
No unnecessary pleasantries.
You observed as he strolled around the front of the car, his hands in his pockets, his stride leisurely. The detached, cool confidence in his gait was something that never changed, regardless of the circumstances. As he made it to the driver's side, he slipped in without delay, the subtle aroma of cologne hanging on the interior.
Geo didn't say anything as he started the engine, the low rumble breaking the silence between you. The dashboard lights cast a pale blue glow over his face, highlighting the angularity of his jaw and the perpetual distance in his eyes.
With one hand on the steering wheel, he shifted the car into gear, his other hand resting casually against the window. The streets blurred past as he drove, his gaze fixed ahead, entirely focused on the road—or maybe lost in thought?
Again, you had always been good at reading people—effortlessly picking up on emotions, the subtle shifts in their expressions, the way their body language betrayed thoughts they hadn’t even voiced yet.
It was something you had learned young, a skill sharpened by necessity, whether to stay on someone’s good side or simply to understand them before they understood you. 
Most people were easy. Predictable. 
Their emotions—fear, joy, anger, love—bled through no matter how much they tried to suppress them.
Geo was different. He was like a book with half its pages torn out, again, an enigma wrapped in cold stares and dismissive words. No tells, no cracks, nothing to latch onto. He existed in a space just out of reach, like a shadow cast by something unseen.
And yet, when it was just the two of you, something is… different.
He wasn’t easier to read, not exactly, but there were moments—fleeting, barely noticeable—where you caught glimpses of something beneath the indifference. It was subtle, but it was there. 
A blessing and a curse.
Because it almost always made you overthink.
It was something you had done for as long as you could remember—analyzing, dissecting, obsessing over details most people wouldn’t even notice. Not because you wanted to, but because your mind wouldn’t let you stop. A cycle of over-awareness that had long since bled into something deeper, something you couldn’t quite turn off.
Your parents never noticed. They were too busy working to make sure you lived comfortably, too preoccupied to catch the way your thoughts spiraled, looping endlessly in a pattern you couldn’t break. 
You weren’t high-class, but you weren’t lower-class either—just somewhere in between, comfortable, stable.
Geo, on the other hand, had been high society. Until he wasn’t.
Crowe had mentioned it once, in passing. How Geo had struggled after being kicked out. How he had to help him adjust to a life outside of luxury, outside of the world he had once belonged to.
You never asked Geo about it.
Now, sitting beside him in his car, you didn’t need to.
You could see it.
Not visibly—Geo never made things obvious—but in the way his jaw clenched ever so slightly, in the sharpness of his eyes despite the tiredness behind them, in the way his back pressed against the seat like he was holding something in.
His grip on the steering wheel was tight. Too tight.
You shifted, turning your body slightly toward the passenger-side window, pretending to focus on something outside. In reality, you were watching him. Studying him.
Should you say something?
Should you ask him what’s wrong?
Or would he shut you out before you even had the chance?
The silence stretched between you, thick and weighted, the only sound filling the space was the low hum of the car’s engine. Your eyes remained on the window, you could feel Geo’s presence beside you—his controlled breathing, the tension in his posture, the way his fingers flexed just slightly against the wheel.
Then, his voice broke the quiet. Low, rough, but steady.
“You keep looking at me like that.”
You didn’t move right away. Just blinked. The words were casual, but his tone wasn’t. It wasn’t annoyed, wasn’t mocking—it was something else. Something unreadable, yet laced with that same quiet intensity he always carried.
Finally, you turned your head slightly, meeting his gaze. "Like what?" you asked, feigning indifference.
Geo didn’t answer right away. Instead, he slowed to a stop just a little way down from Crowe’s place, the car idling. His fingers tapped against the leather steering wheel—a slow, deliberate rhythm—before he exhaled, controlled as always. 
“You’ve been glancing at me for the past twenty minutes,” he muttered, voice as flat as ever. “Are you trying to pick me apart?”
You almost smirked. Almost. “Maybe I am.”
His expression remained unreadable, but something flickered in his eyes—something brief, something you couldn’t quite place. Amusement? Annoyance? Maybe both. Geo scoffed quietly, tilting his head just a little, like he was debating whether or not to humor you. One hand stayed on the wheel, the other resting lazily on his thigh, completely at ease.
“For someone who calls me out for overanalyzing,” he said, voice flat, “you’re the biggest overthinker I know.”
Your brows furrowed, a small flicker of something sharp twisting in your chest. He wasn’t wrong, but hearing him say it—so plainly, so certain—made your stomach tighten.
You shifted in your seat, crossing your arms. "And you’re avoiding the question."
This time, he actually smirked. Just a little. The kind of expression that barely counted, but for Geo, it was practically a full reaction.
"Maybe I am." Your own words are thrown back at you. Fuck.
You exhaled sharply, shaking your head, but before you could respond, Geo turned to face you completely. His gaze wasn’t distant anymore—wasn’t cold—it was sharp, focused, and something about it made your skin prickle.
He studied you for a moment, his eyes like a scalpel, then, almost as an afterthought, he spoke.
You exhaled sharply, shaking your head, but before you could respond, Geo turned, fully looking at you now. His gaze wasn’t distant anymore, wasn’t cold—it was sharp, focused, and something about it made your skin prickle.
Geo studied you for a moment longer, then, almost as an afterthought, he spoke.
"You never shut your brain off, do you?"
You raised an eyebrow, already on edge. "What’s that supposed to mean?"
Geo didn’t answer right away. Instead, he veered the car toward the curb, the tires rolling over gravel before he threw it in park on the side of the street. The sudden stop made the silence louder—thick and heavy.
His lips curled into a sharp, almost condescending smirk.
"It means you’re too caught up in your head." His tone was flat but laced with irritation. "You’ve got that party planned with Jericho, all the shit you’ve stacked on your plate—and yet you can’t see the problem. You’re blind."
A bitter chuckle escaped him as he leaned back slightly, arms crossed like he was preparing for a fight. "You really think it’s fine to just go—like everything’s normal? Like you can control everything around you?"
His voice sharpened, and when he looked at you again, it was with that signature, cold-eyed disdain.
“You’re delusional.”
Your stomach flipped, and you clenched your jaw, again completely thrown off by his words. You had no idea what the hell made him say that, is this what he was thinking about while driving? Anyway, something in you couldn’t just let it slide? Right? Impossible. 
You pushed back, curiosity getting the best of you. “I’m not delusional,” you muttered, voice tight.
"You are." His voice was low, and steady, like he was explaining something painfully obvious. 
"You don’t see what’s right in front of your face. Which is crazy for an overthinker, you should’ve seen it.” He sighed, the space between you suddenly feeling too small. "You’ve got all these people circling you, and you can’t even tell that one of them is obsessed with you."
Your eyes widened in disbelief, heart pounding in your chest.
"Stay home. Stay with me, or just stay the hell out of that mess. Just don’t go to that damn party. Tell Jericho you’re sick or—"
"No," you interrupted, voice steadier than you felt. "I’m going."
Geo’s eyes narrowed, his jaw tightening. For a split second, frustration flickered across his face, but then it twisted into something darker, more bitter. He let out a sharp, humorless laugh, his eyes cold.
“You’re a fucking waste of brain matter, you know that?”
Your stomach dropped, but you didn’t back down.
“All this damn time, I thought you were different. I thought you actually had some fucking potential. But no. You’re just like every other idiot who always comes up to me, the same ones who think they have a damn chance with me.”
His words hit like a punch to the gut, cutting more profound than anything you’d ever expected. You froze, unable to hide the hurt as it twisted inside you.
“You don’t have a clue what you’re getting into,” Geo went on, his voice thick with disdain. “You’re so wrapped up in your stupid head and pride that you can’t even see what’s right in front of you. This whole ‘I’ve got it all figured out’ act? It’s pathetic.”
He scoffed, his lips curling in disdain as he finished.
“You’re fucking pathetic.”
You stayed quiet, your chest heavy with the weight of his words. They echoed in your mind, louder than anything else. Shit—you shouldn’t push anything… like damn. The sting, the sharpness of it, burned deep. You tried to breathe, but it felt like something was stuck in your chest, choking you.
You wanted to snap back. You wanted to tell him to shut up, throw something back at him like you always did—but no words came. 
There was nothing.
Who would’ve thought that he saw it too? The weakness… 
The parts of you that you worked so hard to hide. It hurt more than you cared to admit. You thought you could handle it—hell, you always handled things—but this... again, this was different. This was Geo everyone that talked about, someone you never imagined would rip through your walls like that. His words weren’t just rude—they were calculated like he wanted to see how much he could break you.
Geo watched you, waiting for you to speak, but you couldn’t. Not yet. Not when you felt like you were on the verge of cracking. The silence dragged on, thick, suffocating. Finally, you forced the words out, your voice barely above a whisper.
"I’m still going to that party. No matter what you say." You could feel his frustration building before he even spoke, his jaw tight and his fists gripping the wheel as if holding himself back.
“Fine, be a damn idiot,” he sneered, “Don’t say no one—”
"Fuck you, Geo." The words shot out like a bullet, sharp and bitter, and you didn’t even try to stop them. 
"I’m not staying home or with you. I’m going," you spat, your voice steadier now, but your chest felt tight from the sting of his words, still burning through you like acid.
You didn’t give him the satisfaction of seeing you falter. You turned your head just enough to throw one last cutting glance his way, your words coming faster now, "I don’t need your pity, Geo. Don’t bother showing up to the damn party. That’s all you could’ve said, but no—you had to go full-on asshole, like always."
You saw the flicker of something cross his face, something you couldn’t quite name. It felt damn good—like for once, you were finally getting under his skin.
You sighed, your voice growing heavier. "You’re such damn pessimistic all the time. Don’t be mad at me because I actually want to have a little optimism. We only get one shot at this life, you know? Sure, we might be seen as lower class, but that doesn’t mean we can’t live it out and make something of it.”
You let that flicker grow into a sharp, mocking smirk.  
"Everyone’s right about you… You’re just some smug asshole to everyone. Anyone but Crowe." You snorted, shaking your head. "Like you won’t show respect to anyone unless they’re bending over backward just to earn a sliver of your attention." 
You took a breath, steadying your voice even as the weight in your chest tightened.
"I listened to Crowe, you know. When everyone else told me to leave you the hell alone, that you weren’t worth the trouble—I didn’t. He told me you were worth trying for. That under all the sharp edges and venom, there was something real." 
You looked at Geo, jaw clenched. 
"So I pushed past your rudeness, your walls, your cold, condescending bullshit. I held myself strong to talk to you sometimes—because I didn’t get it. I didn’t understand why those simpering idiots were always swooning over you like you were some prize to be won." 
Your voice lowered, bitter.
"They never even knew you. They never gave a damn about how you actually think or feel. They just loved the image, the fantasy. But I—I actually made the effort. I learned who you were. I tried to be your friend, even when you made it nearly impossible."
You paused, your gaze hard and unwavering.
"And you still lumped me in with them. You really think I ever saw you the way they did? That I ever put you on some pedestal like you’re some untouchable god?"
You shook your head slowly.
"You must be out of your damn mind."
You turned your head just enough to look at him one last time. You refused to let him see how much it was hurting you—how his words had gotten under your skin, how they twisted everything you thought you knew about him.
The silence that followed was thick with everything you weren’t saying. Geo’s posture was rigid, his jaw set, but you could see the shift in him—the moment his walls snapped shut. 
He didn’t say anything. 
And that was good enough for you. 
You threw the passenger door open and stepped out without hesitation. The slam of the door behind you echoed with finality—loud, sharp, and unapologetic. You didn’t look back.
Screw it. Screw his expensive car, his cold stares, his bullshit attitude. You didn’t care what he felt anymore—if he even felt anything at all. You were sick of trying to guess, sick of trying to prove yourself to someone who refused to see you.
He wasn’t going to control you. 
Not your plans, not your night, not your damn heart.
Your footsteps hit the pavement hard as you headed up toward Crowe’s house. There was weight in every step, but also something else—a kind of clarity, a sharpness cutting through the fog. The ache in your chest didn’t vanish, but it settled. 
Became something you could carry without breaking.
You were done. Truly done.
You spent the last few weeks of October wrapped in party planning with Crowe and his far more tolerable, socially functional friends. Between costume designs, playlists, and coordinating food runs, you stayed busy—meticulously so. 
Obsessively, if you were honest with yourself. Every little detail had to be perfect. Every task had to be just right. It kept your hands full, your mind somewhat quiet.
But no matter how much you tried to bury yourself in logistics and glitter, Geo still haunted the back of your thoughts like a splinter you couldn’t tweeze out.
Why him?
Why was he so compelling to you?
It wasn’t attraction, not in the way others meant it. You knew yourself too well for that. You weren’t yearning for some romantic happily-ever-after or anything as messily complicated as sex. No, it was something deeper and much harder to name—something primal and cerebral all at once.
You didn’t really know Geo. Not personally.
Not in the way that counted. And maybe that was part of the reason you couldn’t stop circling back to him like your mind was caught in a loop it couldn’t break. That sense of tension, of unresolved something between you both—it lingered, heavy and unfinished.
You told yourself it was just curiosity. You’d studied him like a puzzle, tried to map out the jagged edges of his personality, chipped away at the walls he kept so deliberately high. You thought if you pushed hard enough, and reached far enough, you might finally understand what it was that pulled you to him despite everything telling you to turn away.
Maybe, just maybe, you had hoped there was something mutual buried underneath all that cold, arrogant silence.
But then again… maybe not.
Geo was an enigma—emotionally locked down, guarded in a way that felt almost strategic. Maybe even cruel. You weren’t even sure he understood himself, let alone whatever this weird, intangible bond between you two was. And it was never about fear of rejection. 
That would have been easier. Cleaner.
No, what terrified you more was the ambiguity.
Was it just one-sided intensity on your part? Was it some projection, some need to feel seen by the one person who refused to be easily figured out?
You hated not knowing.
Not being able to label it, define it, solve it.
And like clockwork, the quiet moments became the most unbearable.
Your thoughts didn’t settle—they spiraled. Repeating, rearranging, recalculating. You’d catch yourself organizing the same party checklist over and over again, rewriting the guest list, recounting the plates, double—no, triple—checking the labels like it was the only thing holding your world in place. The tiniest details suddenly felt urgent, like if you didn’t get them exactly right, something worse might slip through the cracks.
Because if you control that maybe you could drown out the ache.
The ache of not knowing what the hell Geo meant to you anymore.
Ever since the argument—sharp words exchanged like knives behind closed car doors—you hadn’t spoken to each other beyond the bare minimum. A few clipped greetings. One-word replies. Careful silences. You weren’t even sure anyone else in the group knew what had happened between you two. 
At least, you hoped not.
You told yourself, even now, that all you ever wanted was to be his friend. That was safer. Simpler. Honest enough.
But being around Geo always felt like walking a tightrope strung across a minefield—one wrong step, one wrong look, and you were done. Every conversation felt like holding your breath, waiting for the inevitable shutdown. Waiting for him to pull away again.
And then there was the weight of everything that came with him.
Lunchtime on campus made it worse—sitting on the cracked stone benches in the courtyard, the sun catching on chrome thermoses and gossip-laced grins. Geo never said much, barely touched his food, just sat there with his arms crossed while the world leaned in around him.
People watched him like he was something more than human—untouchable, unknowable. They hung off his every word even when he looked too tired to speak. And God, he was tired. You could see it in the way he pinched the bridge of his nose, the subtle twitch of annoyance when someone got too close.
Still, they hovered—those simpering idiots who trailed behind him like moths to a cold flame. Smiling too hard. Laughing too loud. Guarding the fantasy they’d built of him with something that felt close to reverence. They worshipped from a distance and tore into anyone who got too close.
You weren’t one of them. You never had been. You didn’t want to be.
But something inside you still reached—aching, grasping, quietly, stubbornly.
You knew better. Always had.
And yet here you were… pretending it didn’t matter. Pretending that raw thing you felt—that hollow, sharp, impossible thing in your chest—wasn’t real. Just a trick of proximity. Just curiosity.
But you knew it wasn’t curiosity.
It wasn’t love, not in the traditional sense. Not romantic, not sexual. Just something real. Something you couldn't name but couldn't ignore. 
Something yours.
And maybe it was easier to keep pushing it down.
But how much longer could you do that?
How much longer before it started to swallow you whole?
You didn’t have an answer. All you had was the countdown in your chest—and it hit zero faster than you expected.
The Halloween party had arrived.
What once felt like some distant event, a plan scrawled in notebooks and smoothed over in too many group chats, was suddenly real. Immediate. Inevitable.
The university buzzed with anticipation—half-baked costume decisions, whispered hookups, people making last-minute runs for glitter, masks, and fake blood. The energy in the air clung to everything like static, sharp, and waiting to snap.
And at the center of it all… was you.
You and Crowe hadn’t just thrown a party—you’d curated an experience. A spectacle. And it showed. His family’s house, already intimidating in its quiet wealth, had been reimagined under your hands as something cinematic. Unsettling. The kind of place that made people stop at the gate and take a breath before stepping in.
The lawn was a stage: flickering jack-o'-lanterns casting shifting light across the path, ghostly projections stitched into the siding, and fog machines hissing slow tendrils across the cobblestone-like creeping fingers. It looked haunted, like a nightmare you couldn’t wake from.
Inside, it was worse in the best way—an exquisite kind of chaos, curated down to the last unnerving detail. Every corner was scrubbed, styled, and sharpened into something eerie and cinematic, like a fever dream with a guest list.
Cobwebs draped from antique chandeliers, casting spider-silk shadows across the vaulted ceilings. The rooms glowed with an otherworldly wash of sickly green and violet light, highlighting skeletal decorations curled around stair railings as they belonged there. 
Animatronics were spaced just far enough apart to lull people into a false sense of safety before jerking to life with mechanical shrieks and hollow eyes, making even the boldest students jump.
A fog machine hissed from some hidden corner, spilling thick mist across the hardwood floors and blurring everything into a surreal haze—nothing quite solid, nothing quite real.
Music throbbed through concealed speakers in every room. A mix of haunted remixes and high-energy basslines created a strange harmony—half rave, half séance. The sound wrapped around the crowd like a spell, pulling them deeper into the night.
The house was alive—choked with bodies and breath and artificial blood. Students pressed shoulder to shoulder in the crush of celebration, faces half-hidden behind masks, makeup, and shadows. Laughter rose like smoke. Screams echoed from the haunted hallway setups you’d helped build.
 And still, the night was just beginning.
You stood beside Crowe at the entrance, watching it all unfold. People lined up outside in the cold, either flashing last-minute tickets or raising phones with QR codes shimmering under flickering porch lights. You scanned them in, mechanical and composed, your mask in place.
Crowe was in his element—smiling that easy pretty prince smile, and talking easily with each individual who passed through. He worked the crowd like he owned it—which, in a way, he did, turning what could have been a chaotic check-in nightmare and making it smooth, almost seamless.
Sometimes, a person would fumble with their phone, attempting to pull up their ticket, and Crowe—charmer that he was—would lightly tease them before waving them in regardless. "Come on, don't make me regret this," he'd say, laughing in return.
It was effortless for him. Natural. And yet, as the line snaked down the driveway, the buzz of conversation and the pounding bass of the music lingering in the air, your mind started to drift.
You, though, weren't quite as swept up in the moment. Sure, you'd been a part of the planning, and on paper and as line, the night was supposed to be perfect.
But tonight?
Your mind was elsewhere. Not perfect. 
Somewhere far away.
You barely registered Crowe’s voice when he asked about your costume. Something about whether it was too tight, or if you were still comfortable. 
You didn’t really answer. But you thought about it.
Brittany had planned everyone’s costumes weeks ago, assigning them out like she was the director of a twisted stage play. She’d made Crowe dress as a prince—of course she did. 
It was almost too fitting with his deep blue eyes, long brown hair braided down his shoulder, and that easy confidence that made him look like royalty even without the costume. The dark velvet jacket, silver-stitched and regal, only cemented the image. He didn’t protest. He wore it like it was made for him.
Then you spotted them by the punch bowl—Jess and Brittany, standing close but radiating entirely different energies.
Brittany was already the center of attention, surrounded by people hanging on her every exaggerated laugh. She thrived there, in the thick of it, her voice sugary and slick, like honey laced with venom.
Her devil costume was unapologetically dramatic: a red corset dress that shimmered like sin, fishnet tights, thigh-high boots, and glittery horns that caught the light every time she turned her head. The tail? Real. Not literally—but it flicked behind her with every step like it had a mind of its own.
She moved like she owned the party like the floor should part for her heels. The way she looked at people—like they were either pawns or competition—fit the role a little too well.
Jess, in contrast, looked like she'd been dragged there by divine obligation. She stood just behind Brittany, an angel in soft white. Her dress was simple, flowy, ethereal in that gentle, untouched kind of way. White feathery wings sat neatly between her shoulder blades, a delicate halo perched above her head like it didn’t quite belong to her.
Very much Heaven and hell, playing nice—for now.
Naturally, Deryl had been shoved into a werewolf costume—if you could even call it that. He was half-shirtless, with fake fur strapped across his shoulders like an afterthought, plastic fangs barely clinging to his teeth, and clawed gloves that he kept using to dramatically rake through his hair. 
Honestly? It suited him way more than it should’ve.
He was mid-keg stand when you caught sight of him, legs flailing while two guys held him up and a crowd screamed like it was a full moon. His howl—somewhere between a frat bro and a dying animal—rattled through the house with zero shame.
Deryl didn’t need alcohol to act feral… but it definitely helped.
And then there was you.
Brittany had all but bullied you into dressing as what she lovingly dubbed a “sexy fine-ass cat”—in her words, “You already dress like a damn witch every day, babe. Spice it up. Be a mystical slut.”
You weren't sure what part of you gave off sexy feline energy, but apparently, your everyday vibe screamed witchy recluse turned seductive alley cat, and she was ready to roll with it.
Somehow, against all logic and reason, you had agreed. 
Possibly in a moment of sleep deprivation. Possibly under threat. Possibly because Brittany said if you didn’t wear the cat ears, she’d cry—and she looked dead serious about it. So now you stood at the glass front door, staring at your reflection like you were seeing a cursed mirror in a haunted house.
The dress wasn’t… bad. Honestly, it was hot. It was just… a lot.
It clung to you like it had plans and didn’t believe in boundaries. Black lace, party chic, dipped just enough in the front to remind you that bending over was not on the agenda tonight. The asymmetrical ruffled hem flirted with your thighs in a way that felt downright criminal.
Every few steps you had to subtly yank it down so it didn’t transform into a glorified napkin. And the sleeves—long, flared by your hands, and vaguely witchy—made you feel like you were one minor inconvenience away from casting a petty hex. You kinda loved them. But they didn’t distract from the very intentional peek of your bralette and matching boyshorts through the lace.
Because of course, Brittany insisted. “Just a hint of slut,” she said. “Like you accidentally seduced someone on your way to hex their ex. Tasteful thot.”
You bargained for a silver chain belt—your last shred of sanity—and she allowed it only after you swore on your grave and hers that you’d wear the damn cat ears.
Whiskers, though? Absolutely not. She tried. Oh, she tried. 
Came at you with eyeliner and the audacity. Tried to draw a little nose and whiskers like you were a children’s cartoon. You almost left. She had to physically block the door and swear on all her overpriced brushes that she wouldn’t touch your face again. 
She kept her word. Technically.
Because of the makeup she was allowed to do? Dangerously good.
Smoky eyeshadow with a silver shimmer so subtle it made your eyelids look like enchanted moon dust. A razor-sharp winged liner that made your eyes look exhausted, dangerous, and vaguely mythological. “Your tired-ass eyes need drama,” she muttered like a war general.
“You're mysterious. Like a cat that’s also seen some shit.” Your lips? Just a clear gloss. Deceptively simple. Pure bait. And don’t even bring up the eyebrows. Brittany shaped them like she was designing the arches of a cursed cathedral. You weren’t allowed to leave until they were “even, spiritual, and slightly threatening.”
So now, here you were. A seductive black cat from some weird fever dream. Tail not included—but dignity? Also missing. 
You looked too hot. It felt illegal. 
Just as you were adjusting to the new, foreign sensation of being seen in a way you usually avoided, Crowe paused the ticket check-in. His usual composure faltered just enough for him to take a step back, and then he motioned for one of the other student council members to take over. 
Without a word, he gently guided you to the side, away from the loudness of the party. His touch was light but steady as if he instinctively knew you needed a moment away from all the noise. 
The music and laughter seemed to fade as he led you toward a quieter corner, his gaze softening like he could sense that the night was taking its toll on you in ways you weren’t ready to admit.
"Hey," he said, his voice low and reassuring, "You okay?" His words were careful as if he was treading lightly, always aware of your boundaries.
“Hm?” You looked up at him, your mind still lost in the haze of the party and your own thoughts.
“At the front door, I told you how beautiful you are, and you didn’t say a word back. You out of touch," Crowe said with a teasing smile, but there was an edge of concern beneath it.
You shrugged, trying to brush it off. "It’s nothing," you murmured, your gaze flickering back toward the crowd. "Just... stuff. You know.”
Crowe’s easy smile faltered for just a second, a flicker of uncertainty passing through his eyes. He was used to seeing you sharp, in control, untouchable. But tonight? You felt anything but. Like you were drifting just out of reach, your skin felt foreign and too tight.
He stepped a little closer, his tone shifting, softer. "Is it about the party?" he asked, the confidence he usually wore so easily now mixed with a rare hint of concern. "I know it’s a lot, overwhelming, but we pulled it off, right?"
You hesitated, fighting the urge to tell him what was really gnawing at you. Because it wasn’t the party—like the party is perfectly fine.
It was Geo, fucking asshole himself.
But telling Crowe that? You already knew how it would go.
And as much as he acted like he had it all together, Crowe wasn’t a prince in shining armor—he was more like a mother goose, ready to swoop in and take care of everyone. The last thing you needed tonight was for him to start hovering over you like he always did when things got too messy.
“The party’s going great,” you said, forcing a smile that you knew didn’t quite reach your eyes. “It’s turning out exactly how we planned.”
Crowe studied you with that sharp, perceptive gaze of his. He didn’t speak right away, but the way his eyes softened told you everything you needed to know—he was about fifty percent convinced. 
“I see,” he murmured. Fuck. 
The unspoken understanding hung in the air between you two, silent but enough to acknowledge what was unsaid. For now, it was enough. But then, true to form, Crowe shifted gears—his grin slipping back into place like a well-worn mask, the kind that made everything feel just a little bit easier.
“Well, since you're not planning to entertain the guests, at least make sure you have a little fun. I've got surprises lined up for tonight—keep your eyes peeled, all right?”
A small, light laugh escaped you, despite yourself. Classic fucking Crowe. Always ready with a distraction, always able to steer the ship when it felt like it might veer off course. And while it didn’t entirely loosen the tight knot twisting in your stomach, it was something. 
A welcome break, even if just for a moment.
The music shifted, bass-heavy and pulsing through the floor, as another wave of guests arrived, their costumes ranging from carefully curated masterpieces to last-minute, half-assed efforts. Crowe turned his attention to them, smoothly slipping into host mode, greeting people with his usual charisma.
And you? You turned toward the bar table where one of the student council members was mixing drinks like they were auditioning for a bartending competition.
Because let’s be real, if you spent too much time listening to the thoughts running in your head, you might as well just call it a night. And after everything you’d put into this party? No way in hell. 
You weren’t going to let your overthinking ruin the only night you’d had the time to enjoy. You deserved one damn night of fun, and you were going to get it, even if it meant hitting the booze a little harder than usual.
So, what did you do? 
You grabbed a Blackberry Margarita, obviously.
It was fruity. It was sweet. And deceptively strong. The kind of drink that burned just enough to remind you it wasn’t juice but still tasted like candy—dangerous, but perfect. 
One glass turned into two, then three, and before you knew it, you were feeling warm in places that had nothing to do with the alcohol. Your thoughts started to blur a little, edges softening, and suddenly, this night was looking a lot better.
This was fun. It had to be. It’s Halloween. 
This is your chance to have fun. Like Crowe had it all under control. Safe to drink. So, for now, you could pretend the world was fine and focus on the music that thumped through the room, pulling you into a nostalgic vibe you didn’t know you were missing. Four drinks in, and yeah, you were starting to think maybe you were finally having fun.
You made your way to the nearly packed dance floor, the chaos of the living room fading into the background. A familiar song—one you used to play on repeat back when you were younger—boomed from the speakers, its nostalgic pulse tugging at you like an old memory resurfacing.
You didn’t blend into the crowd. You never did. Instead, your movements took on their own rhythm—less about the usual grind and more about the flow. With the flick of your wrist, you spun, your body twisting in fluid, whimsical arcs. 
Your hands sliced through the air like they were painting shapes, each motion deliberate and graceful, your goth-whimsy style putting a contrast against the more traditional dance moves around you. You leaned, arms sweeping low, letting the music guide you like it was all a dream.
The crowd melted away, the music pulling you deeper, blending the present and past into each graceful twist. You felt like the only person moving in the world, wrapped in the rhythm, lost in the melody that had stuck with you through the years.
Then, through the haze of the dance, you heard it. “Hey!”
A voice. Familiar. Light-hearted, cutting through the noise like it was meant for you alone. 
You froze mid-spin, the music suddenly too loud in your ears, and the flow of your movements interrupted. Your feet stumbled slightly as you pulled yourself out of the crowd, suddenly aware of everything again.
You turned, startled, and found Sol standing there, his arms crossed with a slight, almost imperceptible blush coloring his face. His zombie costume clung to him with the perfect amount of eerie charm, as if it had been tailored for his usual emo energy. 
Next to Sol was Hyugo, looking like he’d stepped straight out of an old-school horror flick, his tattered mummy costume hanging off him in the most charmingly out-of-place way.
But it wasn’t the costumes that caught your attention—it was Sol. His gaze was locked on the crowd, intense and calculating, like he was reading each person in the room. When his eyes found you, they didn’t just skim over you like they usually did. They locked.
It wasn’t casual this time.
“You made it after all,” you said, trying to find your footing again, though your voice sounded a little distant like you were still processing everything around you. Your eyes held his for a moment, and you forgot the usual back-and-forth banter. “And I see you brought your date,” you added, trying to keep it light. “Hi, Hyugo.” You offered a soft smile.
“Hey! You look so pretty!” Hyugo chimed in, his grin infectious.
Sol shifted a little closer, subtly nodding in your direction. “Yeah, well, someone told me you were going all out for this. Figured I’d see for myself if it lived up to the hype.” His voice was playful, but there was something in it that didn’t quite match his usual tone—like he was holding back.
Hyugo, grinning mischievously, rolled his eyes. “You should’ve heard him,” he said, a teasing glint in his eyes. “‘Gotta go to this party. Gotta go.’ Like it was some kind of mission or something.”
Sol’s posture stiffened, his lips pressing into a thin line at the jab, but the flicker of something else in his eyes passed so quickly that you almost missed it. He turned back to you, his gaze lingering just a little too long.
It wasn’t just a look anymore.
“You know,” Hyugo cut in, nudging Sol with an exaggerated grin, “I always thought zombies went after brains, but I think this one’s hunting for someone’s heart tonight.”
Sol’s head snapped toward him, caught completely off guard for a split second. His face didn’t betray much, but the sharp glare he threw Hyugo could’ve sliced through steel. And yet… he didn’t deny it. Didn’t joke it off either. He just kept staring—at Hyugo first, then at you.
And when his gaze landed on you again, something shifted.
Your stomach knotted.
Whether it was the margaritas or the way Sol was looking at you—like he knew something you didn’t—you weren’t sure. Either way, the air felt heavier now, thick with something that made your pulse stutter.
Hyugo, blissfully unaware or maybe choosing chaos on purpose, clapped Sol on the back with a wink. “Good luck, dude,” he muttered before strolling off into the crowd like it was nothing.
And just like that, it was just the two of you.
Alone. Oh, fuck.
It was like time hiccuped.
Everything slowed—just enough to feel off-kilter, like you were suddenly too aware of your own breathing, your posture, the way your fingertips itched with nervous energy. The music thumped in the background, but it felt distant now, muffled by the whirlwind in your own head. You stood still, rooted, not quite sure what to do with your hands or your face or your damn heartbeat.
Then Sol shifted slightly, just enough to close the space between you. His voice dropped—low, quiet, private—and the sound of it jolted something in your chest.
“You look... different tonight.”
You blinked, startled by the way the words landed—unexpected and heavy. “What do you mean?” you asked a bit too fast, your voice edged with something sharper than you intended, a reflex defense. Your tongue felt clumsy in your mouth like you couldn’t quite keep up with yourself.
You felt off, and it wasn’t just the alcohol. It was him. 
The way he was watching you.
Sol didn’t flinch at your tone. He studied you for a beat longer than felt casual, eyes dragging across your features with an unsettling kind of precision. Not in a creepy way, but like he was measuring something. As if you were a puzzle he was still trying to solve.
You shifted your weight, arms folding like a subconscious shield. His gaze made your skin feel warm, but not in a flattering way—more like being under a spotlight when you hadn’t asked for one.
“I-I mean you just look really pretty, I just…” Sol’s voice faltered like it had tripped over itself. “I didn’t think you’d wear… this.” He gestured vaguely at your outfit, and though his tone tried to stay casual, it didn’t land that way. Not even close.
There was no teasing. No smugness. Just something sharp beneath it—something edged in disbelief, frustration, and something dangerously close to yearning.
Maybe even a little bitter.
You forced a smile, lopsided and tight. “It’s Halloween. My friend Brittany made me be a black cat,” you said, your voice dry. “Meow.”
A laugh slipped out—awkward, half-hearted, and absolutely doomed from the start.
Sol didn’t laugh. Didn’t even smile. 
His eyes flicked briefly toward the crowd, watching nothing. Like he needed to recalibrate. People moved past, shouting, dancing, laughing—utter chaos—and yet here he was, still.
Frozen. Staring at you like you broke something in him just by existing.
And then, finally, his eyes returned to yours. The look he gave you wasn’t neutral. It was heated, heavy, and dark in a way that made the cat ears on your head feel ten times worse. Like they were personally attacking him.
This time, Sol’s voice was gentler, quieter than before. Like he was picking through each word carefully, testing them on his tongue before releasing them. “Anyway… I came because I wanted to talk to you.”
You let out a soft sigh, eyes still on Sol. “About what…?”
But your attention was already splintering—slipping through the cracks of the moment. Like your body was still here, anchored in front of him, but your mind had quietly drifted elsewhere, tugged by something faint… familiar. You weren’t sure why you looked, just that you had to.
And then you saw him.
Geo.
Wait. Wait—wait a damn minute. He came??
He actually showed up?
Your pulse tripped. There he was, just past the wavering edge of the living room crowd, stiff and statuesque near the kitchen archway. A cheap plastic skeleton hung limply in front of him, swaying as someone brushed past it. Two partygoers beside him were reenacting a ridiculous slasher-movie death scene, laughing too loud, too close. 
And Deryl—because of course it was Deryl—had one arm slung over Geo’s shoulder like they were best bros in a buddy cop film. Geo did not look thrilled about this. Actually, Geo looked like he was being held hostage by social interaction itself.
By the way… No costume. No effort. 
Just Geo, in his normal clothes, standing in the middle of Halloween chaos like he was silently calculating how to disappear through the nearest wall.
Your brain did a somersault. 
Your eyes locked with his for just a second. A blink. But it was enough. You saw it—the flicker. Not annoyance. Not boredom. But something softer. Tighter. Concern, maybe. Worry, definitely. 
You blinked rapidly and turned your head, forcing your eyes away before Sol could follow your gaze. With a subtle shift, you angled your body just enough to block his line of sight—like the literal black cat slipping through the sight before anything was exposed.
Your hand brushed lightly against Sol’s arm, a casual, grounding touch that seemed to anchor his attention. “Wait—what were you saying again?” you asked, voice slightly too upbeat, your tone wearing a thin coat of distraction.
Sol’s head tilted, eyes widen just slightly. He wasn’t oblivious—never was. There was a flicker of suspicion behind his gaze, the kind that made your spine tighten.
But before he could say anything—
“Can I steal you for a second?”
Crowe’s voice slipped in from behind, smooth and quiet, like he’d been waiting for the exact moment. No warning. No preamble. Just presence.
You turned instinctively.
Crowe stood there, composed as ever, the picture of casual control—drink in hand, the other already half-extended toward you like this moment had been planned down to the second. His eyes flicked to Sol briefly—acknowledging, not inviting—and then settled on you with a look too polished to be anything but intentional. 
“Sorry to cut in,” he said smoothly, flashing an apologetic smile so polished it barely masked the calculation underneath. “Just need a quick word with our feline coordinator. Party logistics.”
The air beside you changed.
You didn’t have to look to feel the way Sol tensed—his body stiffening like he’d been struck. His jaw ticked, a single muscle shifting under his skin. He didn’t speak, but his silence screamed. Like he had something to say, something sharp and burning, but kept it behind gritted teeth.
You didn’t give him the chance.
“Yeah, of course,” you said lightly, already turning toward Crowe. Your hand brushed his, barely there, and his touch answered at the small of your back—guiding, light, but firm enough to steer.
You felt the heat of Sol’s stare follow you as you left him behind. Crowe led you toward the stairs like nothing had happened, taking a sip from his cup, cool and unbothered. Like he hadn’t just intercepted a moment teetering on the edge of something volatile.
“What’s this about?” you asked, side-eying him.
“Well,” he started, tone smooth as ever, an arm draping over your shoulders like it belonged there, “Some people are getting danced out—figured I’d switch things up.”
You squinted, suspicious. “Switch things up how?”
Crowe’s grin curved gentle and easy. “Games.”
You blinked at him. “You wanna bring out games? At a college party.”
“Yes.” He didn’t even flinch. You stared harder. “Like... Connect Four? Uno? You’re telling me drunk twenty-somethings want to sit on the floor and relive kindergarten?”
Crowe shrugged, maddeningly smug. “You’d be surprised. People crave childhood nostalgia when they’re buzzed and existential. Give them enough alcohol and suddenly Jenga’s the most intense thing they’ve done all year.”
You blinked again. Damn it… he had a point.
Still, something in his tone felt a little too casual. “The games are in the big closet upstairs,” he added like that wasn’t the most suspicious sentence in existence. “You know the one.” 
You blinked at him. Yeah, you knew the one. That oversized, borderline-abandoned linen closet that felt like a junk drawer for the entire house. The one people only opened when they were desperate or nosy. Or both. “Right,” you muttered, nodding slowly, distracted already as you ran through the mental gymnastics of reaching whatever “games” Crowe had buried in there.
You started up the stairs, heels clicking against the hardwood, the thump of bass fading behind you the higher you climbed. The hallway was quieter, shadows stretched long under dim lights—like the party forgot this part of the house existed.
You reached the closet and popped it open without a second thought, flipping the light on and stepping inside like it was just another errand. The air inside was cool, faintly dusty, and the whole space had that weird too-still vibe.
Your eyes immediately found the box of games—of course—perched on the very top shelf.
You stared up at it. “Great.”
Because of course Crowe wouldn’t make it easy. Why leave them somewhere normal when he could turn it into a damn climbing expedition? You stepped in further, squinting around for anything resembling a stool—fucking nothing. 
Just dusty boxes, tangled holiday lights, and some ancient-looking trunk shoved in the corner like a dead body in a bad mystery movie. Whatever. 
You stretched up, fingers brushing the edge of the game box, willing it to just fall into your hands. Hoping, the tip of your fingers nudged the box… and then—
“Why are you in here?”
You nearly fucking screamed. 
Your body jerked, your spine going stiff as your eyes snapped wide. You twisted just enough to glance behind you—Close. No—too close.
Geo was right there.
You were practically pressed against him, your back meeting the solid wall of his chest. Broad. Warm. Unyielding. His presence filled the already-cramped closet like he belonged there like he’d been standing behind you this whole time, watching. Waiting.
Your breath hitched. You tilted your head back on instinct—eyes dragging up the line of his throat, to his jaw, to the calm, unreadable look in his face.
He didn’t flinch. Didn’t even blink.
Instead, he just reached past you, arm brushing your shoulder as he casually plucked the game box off the top shelf—cool as ever, like this wasn’t one of the most intimate positions two people could be in without making it weird.
Stupid tall guy with freakish long arm reach. He glanced around the room, finally shifting just a little so you could breathe again.
You blinked up at him, deadpan. “Seriously?”
He glanced down at you, then looked around the room like he wasn’t the one who’d just appeared out of the void. “Could ask you the same,” he said.
You squinted at him. “Crowe sent me up here. Said people were tired of dancing and wanted something else to do.”
Geo let out a quiet breath, almost like a scoff, somewhat a little lost. “Deryl asked me to come grab the games too.”
Your brows furrowed. “Huh.”
Before either of you could say more—SLAM.
The closet door slammed. Hard. You spun around mid-what the hell just as the knob jiggled—once, twice—and then stopped. Click. 
You stared at it like it had personally betrayed you. 
Geo stepped up beside you, calm as hell, and gave the handle a test twist. A polite little shake. Then the verdict: “…Locked.”
You blinked slowly, mentally buffering while your heart caught up to the situation. “Oh my god.” You said it like a prayer and a curse all rolled into one. “Those sons of bitches.”
And right on cue, came laughter—low, amused, 100% guilty.
Crowe’s voice floated through the door like this was just another Thursday. “Whoops.”
Then Deryl, chipper as ever: “Don’t worry! We’ll let you out in like… twenty minutes! Or whenever you emotionally bond! Whichever comes first!”
You slapped your hand against the door with the force of a goddamn anime character powering up. “Crowe!”
“Love you too~!” he sang back, way too cheerfully.
“See you!” Deryl added before he and Crowe walked away from the door, heading back to the party downstairs.
Geo let out the most exhausted sigh known to mankind, shook his head, and leaned back against the wall like this was mildly inconvenient at best. 
Like he was above it all. Like always.
“Ugh. You’ve got fucking to be kidding me…” he muttered, his tone dangerously deadpan. He looked down at you again, not with anger—more like straight judgment. Like you were the wild animal in this cage and he was the zookeeper trying to guess if you’d bite.
Didn’t say anything mean, but his silence was definitely loud. You groaned dramatically and stomped over to the old wooden trunk in the corner, plopping down with a huff. “If I die in here, tell everyone I went out bitter and vengeful.” 
Geo crossed his arms. “You’ll die of being over-dramatic before the air runs out.”
This was it. 
You were going to die here. At a Halloween party. Locked in a closet. With him.
Out of everyone—you had to get trapped in here with Geo. Tall, grumpy, impossible, judgmental, annoying Geo.
You glared at him from your seat on the trunk like your sheer rage could burn a hole through his stupid, emotionally constipated face.
He stared right back, arms crossed, completely unfazed. “You know, I didn’t realize Halloween was code for desperate cosplay.”
Your jaw hit the floor. “Excuse me?”
He gestured vaguely in your direction, the way someone might motion toward a car crash. “The ears. The makeup. The Dress. The whole…” His eyes scanned you once, slow and unimpressed, “situation.”
You stared at him, incredulous. You were this close to hurling the Monopoly box at his smug face.
“First of all, I didn’t choose this costume. Second, it’s Halloween—the one night where wearing cat ears is legal. Third?” You gestured back to him dramatically. “You’re wearing the same damn bluish purple hoodie you always wear. White turtleneck underneath. And those tight-ass ripped black jeans. What, exactly, are you supposed to be?”
Geo didn’t even blink. “I’m not dressed as anything.”
“Exactly!” You threw your hands up. “You’ve literally made ‘casual apathy’ your costume. Well congrats, you nailed it.”
The energy in the closet shifted, sharp and crackling. Like the two of you were circling each other in a very polite cage match. You hated how nonchalant he looked even when he was being a smug jerk. 
And worse—you hated that he always acted like he didn’t even want to be here. Like he had more important things to do. So you pitted the thought that you figure you said out loud.
“You didn’t even want to come tonight, did you?”
That movement. A slight shift in his shoulders, a pause before he responded,  “I wasn’t going to,” he admitted. “I didn’t plan on it.”
You snorted, crossing your arms. “Then why show up at all? Thought this whole thing was beneath you.”
Geo sighed, but it wasn’t at you—it was at himself. His eyes flicked to the door, like maybe he was second-guessing this whole situation, and then finally, he met your eyes.
For real this time. “…Crowe said something along the lines of you wanting to leave, and asked me to pick you up,” Geo muttered, his voice quieter than usual.
“What?” You blinked, a little thrown off. “I had no plans on leaving.” You raised an eyebrow then scoffed, “What, you didn’t trust me to survive a university party without you babysitting me? Came here so fast without thinking? Is that a first? Crowe definitely tricked you…”
He looked unamused, his eyes narrowing at your jab, and then he huffed, crossing his arms again. “Shut up. I just thought of how stupid you might be.”
You snickered, even though it came out a little sharper than you meant. “Rich, coming from you.”
A few seconds of silence passed, like something was almost ready to spill, however Geo the one that hesitated. Finally, with a resigned sigh, he muttered, “I didn’t like the idea of something happening and me not being there. That’s all.”
You blinked. Oh. Wow.
There it was. 
The thing that no one ever really said out loud but everyone could feel—the tiny sliver of overprotectiveness buried beneath his sarcastic armor. 
The reason he always stood too close in crowded rooms. The reason he was always a little too aware when you were quiet or too distant. The reason he’d shown up to this godforsaken Halloween party when it was clear he hated every single second of it… just in case. Just in case something went wrong, and he had to be the one to fix it. 
You stared at him, really looked at him for the first time in forever. He was standing there, arms crossed, but his eyes? They were looking away, avoiding yours like they were trying to bury every little soft thing he didn’t want to admit. And God, that was the thing with Geo: He wore that sarcasm like a shield but underneath it?
He was a goddamn mess. 
And you were so tired. 
Tired of the whole damn situation.
Tired of pretending you didn’t see through him. Tired of all these pointless, exhausting words you both keep throwing at each other. 
You started laughing. And—you mean, laughing.
At first, it was just a snicker—a short burst of air escaping because, well, it was ridiculous. Geo, standing there like he was the world’s biggest conundrum, thinking that all his careful control over his feelings somehow hid it all. 
But it didn’t. It was obvious. Then it got louder.
You couldn’t stop yourself. You laughed until it was more of a giggle, the kind that felt borderline manic as you realized how utterly absurd this whole situation was. 
This party. Him. You. The closet. Everything.
Geo’s eyes narrowed as he watched you, clearly unamused. There was a display of pure disgust on his face, followed by a confusion that only he could pull off. He took a step toward you, brows furrowing deeper. “…Why the hell are you laughing?" His voice was disbelief, and you could hear the irritation bubbling up—he had no idea how to handle you when you were this far gone.
You wiped your eyes, still laughing through the cracks in your voice, and it was starting to sound borderline hysterical now. You couldn’t even breathe properly, but it didn’t matter. This was all just so stupid, and the laughter spilled out like a flood.
The noise from the party downstairs felt miles away like it was all part of some different universe. All that mattered was the absurdity of the situation. You had no idea how long you'd been stuck in this mess with Geo, trying to keep your sanity, trying to pretend like you were okay.
But that was it. 
You weren’t okay.
And the more you thought about it, the funnier it seemed. You laughed harder, the sound echoing in the cramped space like you were losing your mind—shit maybe you were.
Geo’s eyes filed with confusion, frustration, and something else you couldn’t quite place as he stood there, arms crossed, trying to figure you out. It was clear he was torn—torn between being angry, concerned, or just disgusted. But all he managed to do was scowl harder and cross his arms tighter, his posture so stiff it could have been carved from stone.
“Seriously, this is what you’re doing right now?” he muttered, voice low, but it wasn’t sharp with the usual edge. No, this time, there was no anger in it—just confusion, like he didn’t know what the hell was going on inside your head.
And God, you didn’t even know yourself anymore.
You could barely get the words out between the gasps that hitched in your chest, but you finally managed to gasp, your voice thick and strangled, “I… I’m just… I’m so tired.”
You looked at him—really looked at him. He was still standing there, his arms tightly crossed, his face unreadable but somehow more human than you'd ever let him seem. And the reality of it all crashed down on you with a weight so heavy, that your breath faltered as you kept going, unable to stop yourself.
“I’m a college student, Geo. A fucking genius in madness, might I add,” you continued, your voice shaking now with frustration. “A psych major with a future ahead of me, you know? I’m perceptive as hell—meticulous. I notice everything.” You wave your hands around, trying to get your point across.
“I can catch the tiniest details—like the way someone shifts when they’re lying or how they suddenly change their tone when they’re uncomfortable. Facial expressions, body language, and even the tiniest flickers of thought cross their mind. I’m accurate almost all the time when it comes to reading people, picking up on the shit they try to hide. I can tell when someone’s gaslighting me, or projecting their trauma, or hiding something behind their words."
Your words rushed out now, and the more you spoke, the more frenzied you became. “I can read people! I can catch a lie from a mile away and see through all the bullshit! I—" 
You choked out a bitter laugh. “I’m supposed to be living my life. I’m supposed to be enjoying the hell out of my time, being free at this Halloween party. You know, but instead—” You stopped yourself, cutting off the rest of the words. You wiped your face, eyes fixed on the floor for a moment, before meeting Geo’s gaze with a look so filled with pity that it almost hurt to hold.
Your throat was tight, but the laugh that escaped you was hollow, desperate. “Here I am,” you muttered softly, almost to yourself with a little laugh, “locked in a closet... losing it over a guy.” And then the laugh came again, louder this time—again, hysterical, almost unhinged—as you took in a shaky breath and closed your eyes for a second to try and collect yourself.
When you looked up at Geo, the weight of everything finally hit you. Like you couldn’t stop it. 
It just spilled out, a jagged mess of emotions you couldn’t keep inside any longer.
“God, I’m so tired,” you said again, voice cracking. You wiped at your face, “Tired of my own mind. Tired of trying to make sense of everything. Tired of you, and honestly, tired of me for putting myself in these stupid situations. Tired of this goddamn universe for locking me in a closet at a Halloween party with the last person I ever wanted to be stuck with.”
Your eyes never leave Geo’s face, searching for something in him that would make this make sense. 
But you didn’t find anything. 
Just the same fucking unreadable expression, the same armor he wore so carefully. His eyes were fixed on you, scanning you with a look that was impossible to read. And you hated it—because you wanted him to say something, anything that would take the sting out of everything that had just spilled out of you. 
But again, he didn’t. 
The laugh died in your throat, leaving only an oppressive silence in its wake. And yet, it still felt louder than anything you could’ve said. 
You were still here. He was still here. 
And the universe? 
Well, it was still a cruel joke, one you couldn’t stop laughing at, even though it was suffocating you.
"You know," you started, your voice barely audible at first, the weight of your thoughts pulling at you "I always had this one thought, something that just... randomly pops into my head."
You paused for a moment, swallowing the tightness in your throat, trying to organize the mess of emotions in your chest. Your gaze dropped to the floor as if the space beneath you could somehow make sense of all the chaos swirling in your mind.
“I think, if I were to be alone…” You lead off, “…like, for the rest of my life... I’d be okay." The words came out soft, almost like you were saying them to yourself, testing their truth. Your voice trembled slightly, but you pushed through. 
“It’s not ideal, sure. But at least I wouldn’t have to be in something I don’t want. I wouldn’t have to deal with all the shit that comes with friendships, fuck even relationships, or with people who only care because of how I look or what they can get from me.”
You let out a bitter laugh, a hollow sound that felt more like a cry than anything remotely close to humor. You shook your head as if trying to push the weight of your thoughts out of your mind, but they clung to you, suffocating. 
“It’s not that I hate people. It’s not even about self-esteem,” you whispered, your voice barely audible, “it’s just... I don’t think anyone will ever truly understand me. Hell, you definitely don’t.”
The words hung in the air like an accusation, and for a moment, the silence between you two felt like a physical thing pressing down on your chest. You had already cracked, the floodgates opened, and now there was no going back. 
No stopping it. You let your eyes drop to the floor, trying to steady your breath, but the words were coming faster than you could control. 
“I mean... I look at people, how they act around me, how they pretend to know me, and I just... I can’t connect with any of it. I can’t understand why everyone keeps talking about falling in love like it’s.. filling, something everyone’s supposed to want. It feels... unreal. And I don’t know if I’ll ever believe in it.”
The words tumbled out of you, and for once, you didn’t try to stop them. For once, there was no filter, no distance between you and the truth of releasing the unwanted thoughts. “It’s hard for me to even believe in love.” You admitted.
“The kind of love everyone talks about—real love, I mean. Not the bullshit kind where someone’s just looking for something from you. Because you and I know that feeling all too well.” 
You sighed, “I know—like I knew the real reason you didn’t want me to go to this Halloween party, why you acted like a damn child over it." You sighed, narrowing your eyes.
"You were worried about Sol, weren’t you?”
You looked at him then, eyes raw with a mix of frustration and exhaustion. For the first time in what felt like forever, the words you spoke seemed to land with him. 
His expression flickered, his plush lips pressing into a thin, tense line. His body stiffened just a little like he didn’t know how to handle the storm you were unleashing.
“You didn’t think I knew, did you?” you continued, your voice breaking just a bit. “You didn’t think I knew that Sol’s been obsessing over me, that he claims he likes me? If it weren’t for Crowe, he would’ve confessed right there on that damn dance floor, and you know what I had to do?”
You let out a bitter laugh, but it felt more like a breath you were holding in for too long. The tears you’d been fighting started to spill, but you didn’t bother wiping them away.
They were the only thing that felt real anymore. 
"I had to reject him. Not just because he's a horrible guy, but because I don't see him like that. It's hard enough being friends with guys who can’t stay friends without suddenly deciding they like you.” You let out a frustrated sigh, shaking your head.
"And then I have to deal with this shit, all because of you,”
You pointed at him then standing up, walking back and forth to track your thoughts better, “Geo. Fucking Subaru Oogami. The rich kid who can’t stand anyone, all he wants to be is fucking alone with his bow and arrow, no friends or anyone.” Your voice cut through the silence, and before Geo could respond, you stopped him cold. 
"Tell me what you’re gonna say now. Go ahead, say it. Tell me again that I’m wrong. You could’ve just told me the truth. You could’ve been honest with me, but instead, you lashed out at me. Made me feel like shit. Called me pathetic. Told me I’m a waste of brain matter.” You shook your head, eyes narrowed. "
You didn’t trust me to handle it. You didn’t even try to make it better. You just... made everything worse by showing up here. Forcing me to look at your pathetic ass face.”
Your chest tightened, a deep ache settling in your heart. The tears streaked down your face, ruining the makeup that had taken so much time to perfect. You didn’t care about the mess you were making anymore. It was all so pointless. 
“And don’t take this personally, but... you're the worst. You know what you’ve done to me, and as much as it hurts, I can’t keep running away from it. I can't keep pretending everything’s fine when it’s not.”
You took a shaky breath, your throat constricting as you wiped your face again, but the tears didn’t stop. You didn’t bother to fight them anymore. 
“I don’t understand, Subaru. What do you want from me?” 
Your voice cracked, calling him by his first real name, and you felt the weight of your own emotions pressing down on you, suffocating you.
“Do you know how foreign it is to even think about someone choosing to love me? I can’t... I can’t even wrap my mind around it. If someone loved me... I wouldn’t know what to do with that. It’s so unreal to me. It’s like... it doesn’t even make sense." 
You paused, your chest tight, struggling for breath. “And all of this... all this mess... it makes me wonder if I’m just meant to be alone. If I’m just going to spend the rest of my life alone because I can’t do this. I can’t keep pretending to feel something I don’t. I just... I don’t know if it’s even possible for me to feel that.”
You swallowed hard, the knot of frustration and confusion tightening in your throat. Slowly, you spoke again, quieter this time, like you were trying to make sense of everything you couldn’t understand.
“God, I’m so fucking lame. I’m never normal.” You said, mostly to yourself, the words leaving your lips, “I never have been. I guess I have to accept that at this point. I’ve spent my whole life alone... but even still... I still want something real.” 
The tears continued to burn down your cheeks, but you didn’t bother wiping them away this time. 
“No romantic love, no sexual love... just... someone—someone for once that understands me. You know? Like, someone actually gives a damn about me. Not because they want something from me, like my body, or the idea of me. Not because they want to possess me, control me... just because they care.”
Your voice cracked, and faltered, like the very words you spoke were sharp stones tearing you apart. You could feel the tears threatening again, but you pushed them back. 
You couldn’t let him see. You couldn’t be weak.
“At the same time… I don’t feel comfortable being anyone’s significant. I don’t feel comfortable being anyone’s anything. And I know that. I know I’m messed up. I know I don’t fit into whatever you or anyone else thinks I should be. But... I’m so... tired of it all. Tired of pretending. Tired of being who everyone expects me to be. Tired of being seen as something I’m not.”
You sucked in a shaky breath, your chest tightening, suffocating under the weight of your own feelings. The closet felt like it was closing in than it already was, the anxiety smothering you, until there was nothing but the thudding of your heart in your ears. 
Your eyes met his, pain and frustration mirrored in them, and for a brief moment, everything seemed to stand still.
“I should’ve never listened to Crowe,” you whispered, your voice thick with emotion. “Everyone said you were a fucking asshole. That you didn’t have time for anyone. That relationship wasn’t worth your time. I should’ve listened. I should’ve kept my distance…”
The words spilled out, jagged and desperate, like you’d been suffocating under them for too long and had no choice but to let them crash. “…I hate this. I hate how everything feels so twisted, how it’s all messed up. I don’t need you. But…” 
You paused, the words caught in your throat, a bitter mix of frustration and confusion rising up. 
“Shit, I care about you so fucking much.” 
You took a sharp breath, trying to steady yourself. 
“And I fucking hate that I do.” You scoffed at yourself, the sound bitter. “I don’t even know why it matters so much. Why does it hurt when I’ve always been so sure I shouldn’t feel like this? I never wanted any of this. It’s ridiculous. I always stick to what makes sense, and what’s practical. I don’t get tangled in this shit. But then... you came out of nowhere, flipped everything upside down, and now…” You signed.
Your chest tightened, your mind spiraling into chaos.
“I’m so lost, confused” you whispered, voice trembling. “I can’t make sense of any of it. What is this... damn feeling?”
It was all-consuming, suffocating, a weight you couldn’t escape.
Your heart hammered, each beat echoing like a drum in your chest, pounding harder with every breath. The pressure in your chest, like something cold and suffocating, grew with it—a belladonna, so beautiful and poisonous, that no one could handle it. 
Your thoughts twisted into each other, darkening with every turn, spiraling deeper, suffocating you. The panic surged, a flood that filled your chest, tightening your lungs and making every breath feel like a struggle. You could feel the pulse hammering in your throat, frantic and uneven. 
Your hands shook so violently, that you pressed them to your chest, trying to steady the feeling, but it only made the poison inside feel stronger, more suffocating.
What was wrong with you?
Why couldn’t you just be… normal?
Everything about you, your body, your voice—everything felt tainted. 
Poisonous. [ 𝓅𝒶𝓇𝓉 𝓉𝓌𝑜 ]
it’s ‘cause I went over the 1,000 block limit per post—my bad T-T
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maybequinnidk · 6 days ago
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i started thinking of supercorp as queerplatonic partners and now it's turned into one of my favorite headcanons about them. i still really like them as girlfriends, but them being QPPs just hits a little different
i wrote them with that in mind for my fics but i don't know if i did it right, mainly because they don't really define or explain it or talk about it even with each other. i, as the writer, know what their relationship is and they, as the characters, just know what their relationship is, but maybe it's not understandable to the reader that that was my intention
anyway, qpr!Supercorp for the win
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i think about them so much...
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unagrancantidaddepanes · 2 years ago
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ok i wasnt gonna do it i told myself no im just not gonna say anything on this drama but this is so MINDBOGGLING that i HAVE to make a post about this
i am gonna start by saying as someone on the arospectrum i personally see peridot as either fully aroace or arospec (i like headcanoning either one) and as in a qpr or plantonic friendship with lapis.
peridot has been confirmed to be intended to be read as aroace by a storyboard artist (maya peterson) that would focus on her character, i am not denying that,
however
she is also confirmed to be intended to be read as experiencing romantic attraction, by the OTHER storyboard artist who originally worked on peridot, jesse zuke, who has just as much authority to talk about peridots character, if not more since (to my knowledge) she was the original main storyboard artist for peridot
the intention behind what peridot is suppose to represent is fundamentally contradictory, there is absolutely no use fighting over it. this is so dumb to fight over YES both sides have been confirmed canon THATS WHY THIS IS DUMB </33
ive been trying to find as many actual sources as i can (which has been pretty difficult since A LOT has been deleted) but I finally found a transcript of one of jesse zukes posts that is deleted that everyone keeps referencing
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from this reddit post https://www.reddit.com/r/stevenuniverse/comments/5q738i/lauren_zuke_speaks_of_her_intention/
(jesse was formerly known as lauren)
anyone posts something shipping peridot, u get a load of comments saying "this is aroace erasure, shes written as aroace, a storyboard artist said so", anyone posts something about peridot being canonically aroace, u get a load of comments saying "shes not canonically aroace, she was written as experiencing romantic attraction, a storyboard artist said so" everyone is either one or the other it seems like NO ONE is acknowledging that both is true and really this confusion is the fault of the crewniverse ????
these storyboard artists BOTH focused heavily on working on peridot and creating her character, and their intentions behind what she is are completely contradicting.
i would love for peridot to be aroace. to me she IS aroace, but im not going to pretend like this isnt the most confusing most unclear way of confirming that. even if maya peterson intended for her to be seen as aroace, jesse zuke wrote her as the complete opposite and it would be stupid of me to ignore that. harassing eachother over this is stupid. your both correct, now shake hands and make peace with eachother lol, good night.
As an arospec person I am completely fine with people shipping peridot and I do not think it is aroace erasure, because while I would love to see an orientation like mine depicted in a character like peridot, im not going to ignore that fact the she was ALSO originally meant to be read as experiencing romantic attraction AND the fact that many of the crewniverse ships peridot with people or supports others doing it. it is not aroace erasure to ship a character that was literally intended to be read as experiencing romantic attraction by some of the people who worked on her character. rebecca god damn sugar, the creator of steven universe has made fanart shipping peridot. peridots voice actor has said she likes and supports people shipping peridot. its just that different people working on the show had wildly different intentions when creating her character, and didnt clear up a solid identity for her with everyone working on her
jesse zuke said in her post "cant speak for anyone else! many people are writing those episodes". just like if maya peterson and anyone else working on peridot intended for her to be read as aroace, other people working on her character with just as much authority were writing her completely differently. people are not seeming to acknowledge that these two things co-exist. it is not one or the other. even though they are complete opposites, somehow theyve made it so that its both at once.
she was simultaneously written to be both aroace and experiencing romantic attraction by different people writing her character, clearly because of miscommunication within the crewniverse.
heres rebecca sugars ship art btw since the first 2 were really hard to find, in case anyone else wanted some sort of actual evidence of it
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also just wanted to bring attention to jesse zuke saying "anyone who wants to see the narrative they want is completely, 100% allowed to". peridot and her episodes were written to have multiple interpretations. this was written with multiple intentions. some of those intentions were aroace, some of them, like jesse zukes, were not. you are all correct peace and love
update i found a slightly longer version of jesse zukes post in this video https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=oIl1sEQ4_iI
"I wanted to close the book on this - I am queer, and intend fully to write queer characters when I do"
this is pretty clear confirmation that peridot was fully written with completely different ideas in mind from completely different people. jesse zuke INTENDED for peridot and lapis to be read as having a queer relationship, in this post shes encouraging people to read it that way, meanwhile other writers had other intentions which are just as real and valid.
inconsistency and messy production in steven universe is not a new thing
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byoldervine · 1 year ago
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If you're aroace, do you still write romance? If so, do you do it differently than allos do?
Tbh it’s made me very cautious of writing men and women because no matter what straight allos seem to think they’re flirting and would make a super cute couple. Back in my fic days that was often how I decided to have my characters date; I’d get loads of comments saying they couldn’t wait to see how X ship pans out when in reality it was just two friends having banter. And romance always seemed to be like a requirement in every story; if you don’t include at least a subplot where the main characters get together, what’s the point in creating them? Even if that mindset isn’t true
But just to show how my sexuality did indeed influence my writing - as well as my writing actually influencing my sexuality - I’ll give you guys an example:
I’ve mentioned it before but there was one character called Indigo who I wrote in an atrociously-written HTTYD fic on Wattpad back when I was like thirteen - all the comments were saying she was totally in love with another character, Plasma, and how they couldn’t wait to see her accept these feelings she has for him
Reminder; I had no intention of having them be in a relationship
But I decided to lean into it and explore why people perceived it this way, then used another character to be raising all the points. I did admit that, looking back as an older and more experienced writer, I did once or twice say things that implied more than intended because I didn’t fully understand the innuendo of them back then, but there was even some newer stuff that I just couldn’t figure out
So I tested my theories; I had the characters banter more, being very careful in that first chapter to keep it purely platonic, and people were going crazy about the flirting. So I figured if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em; I leaned into it, explored the idea of Indigo having feelings for Plasma. Let her get conflicted on it, let her vent that she had no idea what this kind of love feels like, just generally used it as an excuse to vent my own feelings on romantic love in general. I identified as bisexual at the time, but was starting to question things, so I just poured it out onto Indigo because it did work for her character and her general attitude to relationships of any form
Half the comments were about how they were worried about the ship and how Indigo had to realise her feelings soon - but the other half was people predicting that Indigo was aroace. I challenged my readers more directly to guess Indigo’s sexuality and asexual or aroace was the biggest guess. And so I leaned into it again and brought Indigo into what’s all but labelled as a QPR with Plasma, just to see how it goes, and in the meantime I was looking into asexuality. I think you can figure out how the latter went
But I guess what I learned from all of this when it comes to writing romance is that, at least for myself, it’s surprisingly easy to get people shipping them; have a guy and a girl banter. I’ll have to test in future if this works for visibly queer couples, but in general my go-to for flirting is just casual banter and so far it’s done the trick with my other old fics. I’m not flirting, I’m just sarcastic and British
What really scares me is writing sibling dynamics and other familial relationships because if I can make things flirty without even trying then how will this be perceived?
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reveseke · 1 year ago
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If i'm being honest here, the first time I thought of sidekick!Spencer and BW!Reader, I imagine them as romantic, but I must say that now that the au is created, I absolutly love them as platonic (if that makes sense ??)
Tbh I can easily see Aromantic!BW!Reader and Aromantic!Spencer here
-🕷anon
Ah, personal reflective headcanon on my part as a queerplatonic aspec individual lol.
For the side of the AU I'll be writing on my blog specifically, I'll be writing them (BW!R & Sidekick!Spence) as being in queerplatonic relationship, because I want to do that.
However, genuinely please keep in mind that what I write independently about them in my personal headcanons are as such; personal, especially when it comes from headcanons that were not requested for. They don't need to be used by others if for them the headcanons I've made don't apply when it comes to the characters, attraction & relationship, or any other points that folks may not personally like about my headcanons/feel like it would be a headcanon that applies for the characters in their opinion. :D (/info/not mad)
(in a way the qpr headcanon was also related to personal headcanon of Spencer being a-spec and romantically bi-curious (angled aromantic specifically and completely asexual + I think Spence would fit a few good tertiary attraction terms as well due to neurodivercy, but that's just me lol.))
Since I'm not the one that initially came up and created the AU, (that was you, I simply indulged into it and wrote based on what was talked about :3) that means that I'm not the one that polices what the characters *have to be* and what is ""true to the canon"" (double air quoting that because it's an AU of a crossover that's not really even canon compliant in any way lol.).
So everyone can make their own headcanons and thoughts on the AU if they want to write for it, please don't take my personal headcanons as the main base for the characters if they don't apply with your own headcanons and thought about them since my own headcanons are purely done from my perspective on what I think the character(s) are or would do in my own opinion (requested or not). :3 (/Info/genuine)
Also a funny tidbit about tertiary attractions is that tertiary attractions are not exclusive to a-spec folks (noetic [aka personality related iirc] attraction, familial attraction, and aesthetic attraction for bare basic examples) and neither is queerplatonism only a-spec folk thing, you can feel romantic & sexual attraction and be queerplatonic that's possible after all.
Even cishets who mutually want to label their relationship as queerplatonic can do so. Even romantic friendships exist without them having to be relationships for the individuals who label it as such, same with unlabeled (relationship-vice) couples exist.
^so Sidekick!Spence and BW!R don't really even need to be on the a-spec for them to be in a queerplatonic relationship.
I'm only making that point because of the mentioned aromantic Spence & BW!R, however I'm not making it to denote that possibility of aromantic BW!R & Spence lol. More or less it's made as an informative point out, because I'm not exactly sure if it's already known. /Genuine
Before you close out of this answer, I want to point out that it is late at night for me (fifteen minutes and it's midnight) so I'm tone tagging this specifically, because I have little to no sense of tone in text at the moment. I do not intend to sound rude, denoting/down putting, or passive aggressive. This text is made with genuine and positive intent. c:
(I have too many bad experiences with my lack of tone comprehension during evening hours that I'm not taking the risk of possibly sounding rude or anything lmao.)
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wikifuck · 1 year ago
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My WIPs
I have 3-ish WIPs atm:
Puppylove 1-2
The main active one is a sequel to my published 1st draft/novel, Puppylove. The first book is about the main characters Alejandro and Fetcher meeting and starting to date and Fetcher's family drama and how Ali helps him deal with (or rather, run away from) it. The sequel is about Ali taking Fetcher on a trip to a vampire party (he is a vampire, Fetcher is a werewolf) and meeting Ali's dad and essentially book 2 is about Fetcher helping Ali deal with his family issues, except this time they actually deal and don't run away instantly!
After I finish working on the outline of book2 I'm planning to go through book 1 and pretty much rewrite it to reflect my current skill level. The story itself won't change much, just wording and I will add depth to the characters if needed. That's it.
Spirits and Bleach
The project I was working on before this was Spirits and Bleach; my first attempt at dabbling in mystery novels. It's a story about Bleach, a witch/exorcist who gets roped into investigating a murder with a random ghost they find and who at first thinks he developed a crush on them, but they end up in a QPR by the end and travel the world together. I have an outline and I started writing it out but burned out, and I don't know atm if that is because the outline was lacking or if I just needed a break from the project. I can't wait to get back to it tho, I love Bleach and I can't wait to show their story to the world.
Dino People
My 3rd project is known as DinoPi, or Dino People. It's a mess. The general point is that it's a fantasy world, maybe or maybe not with futuristic technology, where people can turn into dinosaurs. That's all I know lol. Originally it was sci-fi and the dinos were a science thing, then it was magic. Originally the story was a romance taking place in a civil war, where a spy sneaks over the border and falls in love with a good Christian boy who arrests him for sneeking over said border. Now I'm thinking of changing the genre entirely to something else. I had written like 10k words of the original plot before I got stuck and had to scrap it bc I simply had no ideas for the story. I wanted the leads to kiss, but they hated each other. I don't do enemies to lovers, I'm not skilled enough yet to make it not sound abusive. Now I'm toying with the idea of the story starting with them married and about to get a kid. Yesterday a friend asked for an idea for a movie poster to draw and I wrote down this idea:
"Well since I'm kinda stuck on the dino theme, I had an idea of the vocal point being a dude either leaping through the air to catch a falling laughing baby or holding said laughing baby in one arm and holding a gun in the air with the other, a lil like that example with how he holds the lady, and in the background are dinosaurs fighting."
said example: true lies action movie poster
Concept: Bruce wants a baby and Joker ends up being the cool spy dad bodyguard protecting the baby from bad guys (the baby is special or something. The concept is silly already so just go with it, make it stupid)
If you want a taste of what their vibes are, I made a spinoff short story called Office Work
Rep
When it comes to representation, I want to do my best to bring in diversity. I mean, even if it weren't just the moral thing to do (which it is), it's just good writing to have more than one type of character and perspective. Hence, I have the following intentions/plans for these WIPs:
Puppylove: have ace rep through Ali and auDHD rep through Fetcher. Also, Ali is black and has lived for two centuries in a world with a history similar to ours. I want to have a realistic approach when it comes to his trauma from the shit he has had to see, but I'm not going to promise any specific themes. I'm as white as can be and a lot of this will be dependent on how willing of a sensitivity reader/person who will smack me if I do a stupid I can find. Applications are open btw.
Spirits and Bleach: have ace aro and nb rep with Bleach and I'm not yet sure what their friend might bring to the table, but I sure know he isn't straight lol.
DinoPi: As I said, the story is a mess, but I have for the longest time known Joker has some sort of a disability that causes chronic pain. My thought has been he is an ambulatory wheelchair user. I don't have personal experience with this, but I have a friend who is happy to help me with the chronic pain part at least.
General gay rep you can always expect since I seem to be incapable of writing anything that doesn't have at least one gay dude in it.
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the-mighty-dragon · 1 year ago
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I feel like I should clarify a few things about the original post because I wrote it in like two minutes while on a cocktail of recently had my first brush with romance at the late asf age of 17 which was actually just giving a dude I didn't know a chance and getting a month of text conversation so excruciatingly awkward that it kickstarted a sexuality crisis that I couldn't really focus on because of AP exams and finals, post exam emptiness, and an overdue english essay.
I wrote this from the perspective of someone situated firmly within allo/love centric parts of society. I've never been in a QPR and I doubt any of the people I know have heard of a QPR, much less would consider it a real thing/know what it is/be interested in being in one with me.
I also wrote this from the perspective of someone who has a hard time understanding social cues and keeping friendships. Something that happens every time I make friends is we'll get along well while we share classes and clubs, but soon after our schedules don't align anymore they stop responding to me. It hurts so bad to realize that while I considered them a friend, someone that I felt love and fondness for, they didn't consider me important enough to keep, as more than a replaceable piece let go of when it became inconvenient.
This is part of the reason why I've always loved the idea of romantic love, I was obsessed with it as a child beyond a normal degree and even now I love shipping characters together. I always dreamed of finding that for myself one day, of being someone's favorite person because they chose to have me as their favorite. I know my view of romantic love is idealistic and unrealistic and that's why I included the Salma Deera quote at the end from the larger poem
In front of my mother and my sisters, I pretend love is cheap and vulgar. I act like it’s a sin– I pretend that love is for women on a dark path. But at night i dream of a love so heavy it makes my spine throb.– I dream up a lover who makes love like he is separating salt from water.
That's why it was so hard to even consider the idea that I might be aroace. If I wanted that true, deep love within friendships, it would be strange, even within the lgbt community it would be strange. If I cuddled with a romantic partner it would be normal, if I complimented them frequently it would be normal, if I sought them out often it would be normal, but with friends I would constantly be scared that and have to wonder whether they think I have feelings for them, if they think I'm doing too much for it to be platonic, if I'm making their partners jealous. And when I get older and we get busier with spouses and family and jobs, I'll see my friends less, My parents see their friends maybe 15-25 times a year, If I don't have a romantic partner will that be it for me? 15-25 times a year and coworkers that I'm not guaranteed to get along with?
Anyway this went from clarification to vent real fast so tldr: the og post was made about me being scared of potentially being aroace while also desiring non-familial, deep love in an allo-centric society because I know it will be so much harder to find, while also having no one irl to relate to and the feeling of isolation that causes. It was never meant to imply that romantic relationships are "truer" or more "valid" than QPRs and/or platonic relationships. Obvi the post is the world's now and anyone can relate to it and interpret it however they want but I guess I just wanted to make the original intent more clear.
Wanting a romantic relationship as a (most likely) aroace not in a "If you want a girlfriend you can't be aroace, it doesn't work like that" kind of way but in a "I want someone to choose me. I want someone to choose me, day after day, for the rest of our lives, because they want to. I want to be someone's partner, I want to be someone's first pick, I want to be their favorite one. I don't want to be shunted aside in favor of husbands, wives, and kids, because our schedule changed, because we've moved on to different things. I want to be a priority. I want them to fight to keep me, I want to fight to keep them. I want to hold someone, I want to be held. I want to exist in their space, I want them in mine. I don't want to find out they mattered so much more to me than I did to them. I dream of a love so heavy it makes my spine throb." kind of way
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aroaceconfessions · 3 years ago
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I came out as aroace about a year ago and can I just say, it’s so funny looking back on all the times that it was glaringly obvious? I just think about all the times people asked me out and I’d get mad (cause i don’t know, sometimes people having a romantic interest in me feels almost like an affront? Don’t know if that’s common) and I’d avoid them because I didn’t want to hurt them but also because it felt so uncomfortable. If someone seemed even remotely interested in me I’d turn and haul ass in another direction. People would ask my type and I’d be like “uh… a really good friend? Want to just hang out and feel comfortable.” Beyond that the little things like people saying “one day someone will sweep you off your feet” and my response being something like “dear god that sounds awful.”
The worst offender by far is, i wrote this little story with a character based loosely off me. For the longest time the character had this love interest until I was like… i don’t know, that feels wrong. I realized while writing them they were totally aroace. So I wrote them as aroace, their love interest became their bestie. For all intents and purposes, the two are in a QPR. I wrote that… FOUR YEARS AGO. Somehow totally missed THAT MASSIVE BLINKING NEON SIGN. Seriously it feels like a comedy skit, how have I been so oblivious all this times??
Side note, love this blog. Every time I start to feel iffy about my feelings I wander on back here and see people feeling the same way as me. It’s such a relief to know I’m not alone.
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ily-tomura · 3 months ago
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A Night to Remember
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Autistic!Tomura, GN!Reader
You were pleasantly surprised when Tomura said he wanted to have an in-person party this year. Other than the one year he did a VRChat party, he’s mainly one to stick to discord calls.
He’s very clear to everyone about the rules in the invite. No shoes on the carpet, you can bring drinks if you want, gifts aren’t required but if they are brought, they won’t be opened at the party itself.
Tomura said that a cake felt like it’d be too much of an event. He really wanted this to be as low-stress on his system as it can so he can enjoy himself. You two agreed the party still needed some kind of dessert, so you worked together to make a batch of strawberry cupcakes, and most of them came out looking great! The tops are drizzled in icing and dipped into fruity pebbles. They go on a table along with other assorted snacks.
There’s an hour of wind down time between finishing the cupcakes and the start of the party, but before you know it, the guests start arriving.
People trickle in, each bringing their favorite board game from home and adding it to the stack to choose from. It’s only six additional games in total, but when added to Tomura’s existing collection, it’s a lot.
Only a few presents are brought, mostly cards with money or steam gift cards, but there are one or two small boxes as well.
Tomura stims at the party itself, flapping his hands and rocking while he sits around the table for board games. He looks a little out of his element, but he’s happy.
When everyone gets tired of board games, you all sit down to watch a Ghibli movie. Everyone’s favorites are put into the runnings, but it comes down to Kiki’s Delivery Service or Pom Poko, and Tomura, as birthday boy, breaks the tie in Pom Poko’s favor.
Everyone gets their snacks before settling in for the movie. Tomura sits in front of you on the floor, wrapped in a blanket and leaning back against your legs. It’s cute.
After the movie ends and you’ve said your goodbyes as people head home, Tomura sits next to you on the couch, resting his chin on your shoulder. The two of you just sit like this for a while, both of you tired from party prep and execution, but having had such a nice time.
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lily-janus · 3 years ago
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Saw you're doing prompts (at least it's in the pinned post xd) and since I'm trash:
"say that again" or "Just pretend to be my date." with loceit? :D
Okay sorry this took a while but I ended up doing both. Also I hope you don't mind but it's part of a series I wrote on AO3 and continued a bit here on Tumblr😅 I don't think you need to read those to understand this one though😊 hope you like it💛💙
Being Different
Summary: Logan and Janus struggle with other people's assumptions about their relationship.
Pairing: queer platonic Loceit
Some context: Logan is AroAce and Janus is Freyromantic and Freysexual
Warnings: missed understanding and assumption about QPR being a romantic relationship, internal want to not be aspec and that's it I think, let me know if I missed anything.
Word count: 1,388
It was not uncommon for people to assume him and Janus were dating. It happened a lot actually. Logan didn't always mind it, there were times when they both agreed to do it on purpose for entertainment reasons… but then there were times they weren't.  
Of course, Janus always encourages him to not care about what other people think, but it's not about that. It irritates him because of the simple fact people assume so easily that they know everything about their relationship and its nature. It would have annoyed him even if they were in fact dating. It's the principle. 
"Awww you're such a cute couple!" The waitress commented and Logan could feel his eye twitch in annoyance.
"We're not dating." Logan hissed lowely, Janus immediately laying a hand on one of his own that were clenched to fists on the table.
The waitress didn't seem to get the hint. She winked "maybe not yet."
Logan nearly growled in frustration. "No! Not ever! We're in a QPR and you don't get to assume-"
"Logan." Janus said softly, cutting off Logan's angry rant and he trailed off with a huff.
Janus turned to the waitress. "Sorry, it's a difficult spot for us, can you leave us for a minute?"
The waitress blinked at the sudden outburst. "Ah… sure." She said and left.
Logan sighed. "I'm sorry Janus, I know I should stop caring about this by now but…" he trailed off, looking away in shame.
Janus was still holding one of his hands, his thumb now stroking it soothingly. "Logan, it's okay to be upset about it." He said softly in that silky voice of his that always seems to calm Logan down.
"In an ideal world, people will stay out of other people's lives and businesses. Now, I don't justify this behaviour, but try to understand." Janus leaned forward a bit, forcing Logan to face him and meet his eyes. "We didn't know about this possibility either, you can't blame people for being ignorant on a subject that's far from well known. But, you are allowed to be hurt by this, your feelings matter regardless of others' intentions."
Logan let Janus' words sink in for a bit, before letting out another sigh and nodding.
Janus smiled softly at him, squeezing his hand reassuringly, before smirking. "What do you say we get out of here? This place's theme is too mushy to my liking anyway."
Logan didn't get a chance to articulate a response before Janus led him up and out of the restaurant. 
He was unusually quiet for the entirety of the car ride, thinking over Janus' words, feeling his frustration fade away slowly.
The car skidded to a stop and it took Logan a few moments to realize where they were.
"The beach?" Logan questioned as they got out of the car, the sky pitch black above them. He thought over what one usually does at the beach, "I don't think swimming is recommended at this time."
Janus snorted. "Oh Logan, no, no, geez. I'm not Remus"
Logan blushed slightly. "Then… why did you bring us here? The usual activities at the beach are swimming and watching the sunset, both of which are not appropriate for this time of day."
Janus smirked. "As always you are right. But, there is something I know you like more than sunsets that comes out at this time." Janus tilted Logan's head gently towards the sky and Logan gasped softly.
"Stars." Logan wasn't dumb, he knew Janus is trying to distract him. But well, he didn't really mind it. The sky was as clear as glass and the stars shone bright, he could almost see all the famous constellations and some of the less known ones too.
Without realizing it, he sank down to the soft sand, eyes fixed on the sky, and started talking about all the different stars and galaxies. After all, space was one, if not the, favorite subject for him to talk about.
Janus stayed quiet listening intently, and, after a while, they both fell to comfortable silence.
Logan finally managed to tear his eyes away from the breathtaking sky and looked closely at Janus. Their eyes met.
"I know that look, don't you even go there." Logan said.
"What look?" Janus asked innocently.
Logan resisted the urge to snort at that. "Don't you dare bring up-"
"Remember your sister's wedding?"
"The wedding." Logan finished a second too late, sighing. "Yes, Janus, I remember. I was so lost, I didn't know what to do. So then you said-"
"Just pretend to be my date, and everything will play out smoothly." They recited at the same time, smiling nostalgically at each other. So much has changed since then.
"It did not, in fact, play out smoothly." Logan pointed out and Janus rolled his eyes fondly.
"Yes darling, I was there. To be fair…" Janus laced their fingers together. "I did warn you not to listen to me."
Logan chuckled lightly and they fell to silence again. Inevitably, Logan's thoughts circled back to the waitress and he sighed sadly. "You know, we can't escape this. No matter how many people we'll tell and explain it to, there will always be twice as many people that are still ignorant."
Janus sighed too. "No, we can't… But we can face it head on, with our chins up, and take whatever society throws at us. We have each other, nothing will change that and that's all we need, Logan. Heteronormativity and society be damned. I love you, Logan, and that's all that matters."
Logan felt the corners of his eyes sting, he sometimes wonders what has he ever done to deserve Janus. "S-say that again." Logan asked, voice full of emotion.
Janus turned to him, smiling. "I love you Logan."
Logan threw his arms around Janus' shoulders, holding him tightly as he cried, tears streaming down his cheeks and soaking Janus' jacket. "I just… I know I shouldn't and… and I really came to terms with myself and who I am, I promise…" Logan trailed off with a sob.
"But?" Janus asked gently.
Logan took a shuddering breath. "But sometimes I wish I was… Normal… like everyone else… it would make things so much simpler. I'm so tired of explaining myself to every new person I meet, of feeling isolated and having the majority of people not relate or understand me. I sometimes wish it'll all just stop and I could take a breath or two and… be able to live my life like everyone else." 
Logan sniffed, burying his face in Janus' shoulder, unable to meet his gaze from shame, he's basically saying he wished their beautiful relationship would not be… Janus must be so hurt right now-
"I feel that way too sometimes." Janus said quietly, rubbing soothing circles on his spine. "But then…" Logan could hear Janus' smile in his voice. "Then I remember that I have you, and we have this. And I wouldn't trade that for anything." Janus pulled back a little so they're eyes could meet, he was indeed smiling and Logan almost felt a mirror smile tugging at his lips. "No one ever in my life understood me like you. So much so that sometimes I wonder if you could actually hear my thoughts." He chuckled softly.
Logan rubbed his warm cheeks, wiping his tears and sniffing. "I would be truly lost without you, Janus… thank you."
Janus smirked. "Ah yes, what would you do without me, I'd imagine life will be quite boring."
Logan smiled, grabbing his hand and lacing their fingers. "And lonely too." He added, not missing Janus' smirk melting into a gentle smile.
"Life will never be simple for us. Sometimes it will feel like too much, and sometimes it won't." Janus gave Logan's hand a squeeze. "But I'm sure that if we stick together, we're sure to figure it out."
He got up, pulling Logan with him and they both dusted themselves to get rid of all the sand.
Logan studied Janus' reassuringly familiar face the whole ride to his apartment. He was suddenly struck with the realization that none of those 'normal' people Logan was so jealous of, will ever feel that kind of connection with someone. He smiled to himself, maybe being different isn't all that bad…
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aspecpplarebeautiful · 4 years ago
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hi im aro and i think i want to be in a qpr with my best friend but i dont feel like i know enough about that to suggest it? hes kind of in love with me and while i dont know if i feel romantically about him at all, i do feel more strongly for him than like any person ever and lately have been thinking way too much about kissing him.
im nd and i have a very hard time figuring out my own emotions even when they only really impact me, so i had been trying to like sort through it all so i would have a specific thing to tell him (like whether i wanted to date him again or idk i wanted to bring up once i understood it all. i dont like not knowing what comes next)
unfortunately that didn't work out and it all ended up in conversation last night. he's very supportive of me and wants to give me time to figure it out but i know that as much as he says that he would like a response sooner than later (and so would i really)
i had mostly jokingly? suggeste like friends with benefits type thing and he was like "so best friends who make out?" and i was like 'yes!!!' that's perfect that's like yeah. but then he said that would basically be dating and he didn't say it in like harsh way or anything but i over think absolutely everything so I've been trying to figure out if there is something like more than that to dating or if there's not and I'm just being scared of change and labels and other people or if its like the same thing and? sorry this is longer than i had planned but i already wrote it twice and i don't think a third time will clarify it any better
So for the this ask, when I use the word platonic I'm going to mean it strictly in the non-romantic sense.
So what makes something platonic vs romantic is intent. What makes making out and being good friends platonic rather than romantic? You've decided it is. And what makes that relationship non-romantic is that you've defined it that way.
I think this what makes it so confusing and throws off a lot of people. Unlike sex, there aren't clear markers for what makes something romantic. And there's very few, if any actions that are purely romantic. And a lot of things we've decided are romantic like dating, giving flowers, etc. are social constructs specific to our culture.
But I think because it's hard for people to define romance, and because so much of what is romance or not is determined internally and not something you can spot from the outside, we've created a lot of societal assumptions to determine if a thing is romantic or not (they're not accurate, and a lot of them are also very heteronormative). And one of the big assumptions you see a lot if there's things like kissing, sex, etc. involved people also assume it's romantic. And it can be difficult sometimes for people to unpack that and see sensuality and sexuality as separate things from romance and all three things as things that can exist independently without the others.
So yeah, it can definitely be difficult to deconstruct that and it sounds like maybe that's one of the roadblocks you and your friend are having. Definitely it may be worth time to sit down together and just have a discussion on what is romance, what makes something romantic vs platonic and for you specifically because you're aro what you interpret as romantic vs not is really important here. It may also help to discuss romantic vs platonic vs sensual too as separate concepts.
What makes something romantic or not is something that will vary a lot between individuals, we all have our own definitions of what is and isn't romantic to us. And for aros looking to do a QPR it can also help a lot to see what they feel is romantic or not because that can also be a factor in what they're comfortable with in a QPR or not. An obvious example being if you don't see making out as romantic, then it makes it easier to be comfortable doing that and not defining it as romantic.
For knowing about QPRs, I don't know how much research you necessarily have to do. Though of course it won't hurt. Looking at how other people have done QPRs may be useful for you too to get ideas. But because they're very individualized, and because every QPR looks different, I think the more important factor is figuring out what a QPR looks like for you. And what you'd be comfortable with or interested in doing. So two big questions to ask will be what you're comfortable with and what you want specifically and are these things compatible with your friend. It may take time to work out, and may take trial and error. But it's all about you two and what works for both of you.
Definitely listen to your feelings. If you're not comfortable with something that's OK. If you get a feeling of yes! like you did with the concept of 'best friends who make out' that's something you should listen to too.
All the best, Anon! And good luck!
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asexual-society · 4 years ago
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I consider myself romance favorable aro and i think both your answer and the concern of that anon were valid. I love typical romantic gestures and they bring me joy and closeness but it's a very different feeling. I don't think we should act (and that's not what you guys are doing, just saying) like we feel same desire towards partners or it makes us just as romantically giddy. I might want to do those things but it's not the same as "the want" and the intention romo person has behind those
Behind those actions. So it is different and i really get why it wouldn't be enough for someone when they care about feelings being reciprocated in the same way and experiencing the same craving. I love very strongly but very differently despite doing and liking all the romantic gestures. We don't have to pretend it's the same. It can be fulfilling and good for both parties but be aware of the difference and needs before you decide anything or you can get hurt
Yeah you're totally right, honestly, as an aro person myself (although not romance favourable), I don't think I'd be entirely comfortable in a relationship where my partner was romantically attracted to me for the exact reasons you mention, so I completely agree and I get that. My aromanticism is really important to me and I hope I didn't imply that there was no difference in the experiences of aro and alloro people, just that some aro people do have fulfilling relationships with alloros, as long as both parties understand how the other person feels. I actually think people can run into the same sort of communication-related issues when entering into a QPR with an alloro person but from a slightly different angle, so yeah, 100% agree with you.
I do love those "romantic" gestures, like you say, and on some level it sort of hurts for people to act like the amount I care about those closest to me isn't enough, or as much as other people's romantic feelings, which is sort of where I was coming from there. I'm not pretending it's the same feeling, I think I just let my personal insecurities get in the way when I wrote it, but I do understand and know that for some people that isn't enough and that's not anyone's fault, which I hope I got across at least.
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introspectev · 5 years ago
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Merthur.
I do not want to diminish the true devastation a lot of people felt, and still feel, about having this ship not be canon (and how some see it as a bit of queerbating before Johnlock and Destiel made Merthur seem so benign in comparison). I can see where people are coming from. I myself have shipped them in fanfic. In fact, Merthur is what got me into fanfic via Tumblr back in 2014. But can I offer up an alternate view of the Merlin/Arthur relationship for a moment?
Merthur as a QPR.
I doubt this was the intention of the writers either, but as a newly realized aroace myself, I've found quite a lot of evidence to support this view on our beloved medieval dorks. I might make a video essay outlining these evidences because that will be a lot of work but here are my general thoughts on the subject.
One: Merlin, for me, is aroace. He never really shows an interest in romance or sex throughout the show but he has very meaningful friendships with most, if not all, of the other characters. And his love for Arthur is so absolute, its transcendent. Before I discovered the terms regarding aromantism and asexuality, I was quick to hop on that bandwagon in which I declare that Merlin is clearly in romantic love with Arthur. More lgbt+ representation in media is always a plus. And I still think Merthur is a very valid romantic ship. But now, I wonder why Merlin's love for Arthur has to be inherently romantic? Why is romantic love put on such a pedestal? Why is platonic love so diminished by society? Can I claim warlocks and dragons as aro culture?
Anyway...
Two: Arthur and Gwen are a valid ship, too, and I feel like most Merthur shippers immediately dismiss their romance. But personally, I really love Gwen as a character and I love her romantic relationship with Arthur. And what i like most about Gwen is that she knows how much Merlin means to Arthur as well. In this interpretation of Merthur being a QPR, i see Gwen as a character who knows that the bond between Merlin and Arthur as a platonic relationship runs deeper and truer than her own, but she doesn't get jealous or demand that her romantic feelings be more valid than their platonic ones. And I think that's a wonderful thought.
I dont know, man. Am I making any sense? The more I think about it, the more I realize that I've been feeling this way longer than initially thought, long before I even realized I was aroace. It was subconscious, I guess, if my Ace!Merlin Modern AU fanfic I wrote 4 years ago is any indication. I guess... I'm just wondering if anyone else has wanted to interpret Merthur the same way or can see where I'm coming from. Please let me know. Am I just so starved for arospec content that I will literally remake the Merthur ship into the queerplatonic relationship representation that I've been searching for these past 6 months since I learned the term?
Possibly...
Am I going to continue to do this with all my favorite shows and movies from my youth when I rewatch them in the future?
Definitely. :)
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entity9silvergen · 4 years ago
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My Oriented Aroace Headcanons From 8 Fandoms
Oriented Aroace is an aspec identity where someone does not experience sexual or romantic attraction but experience other forms of attraction in a way that causes another nonaspec label describing sexuality to feel significant enough to have a place alongside one’s aroace identity. For more information on this term, here is the info page on the oriented aroace subreddit and here is the wiki page on it.
Headcanon is a subbranch of fanon, meaning headcanon is something generally not accepted as canon but some fans choose to believe about the original content. In the queer community, it is common to headcanon characters as queer. Sometimes it’s with good reason, sometimes it’s just because we like the characters, sometimes it’s because we see something of ourselves within the characters. 
Here are some of my oriented aroace headcanons.
1. Sai (Naruto)
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This is by far my favorite aroace headcanon but I don’t talk about it much because I don’t want to support the stereotype that aromantics are heartless or that asexuals are traumatized. In Naruto Shippuden, Sai is a character who does not experience emotions after an illegal black ops organization killed his brother and brain washed him. He does, however, recover his emotions and learns to be very in touch with them. In Boruto, he is married to Ino and has a son named Inojin.
I headcanon Sai as pan-oriented aroace, possibly demialterous as well, but he experiences some degree of internalized homophobia and aphobia which leads him to pursue a romantic relationship with Ino. I don’t doubt that he loves her, he definitely does but I don’t think he loves her in the same way that she loves him. I wrote about this for Aromantic Writing Month. I believe that Sai initially started courting Ino because that was what was expected of him. Ino went along with it because she is attracted to him. At some point she probably realized Sai doesn’t quite feel the same way as her but they talked about it and continued their relationship as a allo-aspec qpr.
2. Rook Blonko (Ben 10) 
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Rook Blonko is Ben’s (work) partner in Ben 10: Omniverse. He is an alien from the planet Revonnah. When we see his homeplanet, we learn that he is very attractive by Revonnahgander and all the local girls are interested in him but he is bothered by it, only showing affection for one girl named Rayona. They end up dating later in the series. A couple villains show interest in Rook as well and he is usually bothered by it or has mixed feelings with no desire for reciprocation. 
I headcanon him as hetero-angled aroace, specifically gray/ frayromantic and acespike. Gray romanticism means that someone is aromantic but can experience some kind of limited romantic attraction or experiences romantic attraction under specific circumstances. Frayromantic is essentially the opposite of demiromantic. Someone may experience romantic attraction that fades as they get to know the other person. Acespike means that someone is asexual but can sometimes experience spikes of sexual attraction. 
If you have seen the show, you may know where my thoughts are coming from. Rook mostly shows romantic interest in Rayona before they start dating. Once they’re in a relationship, their feelings seem very platonic and their relationship is much like a qpr. This may be because of their age, lack of experience, or their culture but I’d like to imagine that Rayona feels the same way as Rook and they are in a qpr.
The only other character Rook has shown interest in is Isosceles Vreedle. He is briefly attracted her during a battle but doesn’t seem to have any intent on acting on his feelings (presumably because he is in a relationship). He seems to be aware that this is out of character for him, which leads me to believe that he is acespike. 
3. Alain (Pokémon)
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Alain is the star of the Mega Evolution specials and Ash’s main rival in the Kalos League. I headcanon him as gay-oriented aroace.
I don’t have much of a reason for this. Headcanons don’t necessarily need reasons but I’m still going to try to explain this one.
He never has any romantic interests in the show, probably because we don’t see much of him and his story is very focused on his Pokémon training. There are many characters who are solely focused on Pokemon training and that doesn’t necessarily mean they’re aroace but with Alain, I can’t really see him ever wanting to settle down or pursue a relationship though and he doesn’t seem like a women’s man. 
His perfect life is retiring young from a decent battle career on a Pokemon ranch where he works as a Pokemon professor, giving out starter pokemon and providing a place for trainers to send their pokemon when their parties are full. He won’t have many visitors but maybe he’ll have a close companion to keep him company and help out with any projects he’s working on.
4. Toph (Avatar: The Last Airbender/ The Legend Of Korra)
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Toph is Aang’s earthbending teacher in ATLA, the founder of metalbending in the comics, and Lin and Suyin’s mother in TLOK. I headcanon her as sapphic or trixic-oriented aroace.
Sapphic and trixic are both non-exclusive terms for attraction to women but sapphic is specifically for women and trixic is for non-binary people. Canonically, Toph is a girl but she is very free spirited and independent and I feel like she wouldn’t let something like gender limit her.
In TLOK, Toph does mention that she tried to have relationships with Lin and Suyin’s fathers but it didn’t really work out. I imagine that Toph is sex favorable and likes sex as kind of a fun way to enjoy herself but does not experience sexual attraction nor does she feel a need to have regular partners. Similar goes for romance. She is romance-indifferent but does not like it much.
The lesbian Toph headcanon is a popular one. Not really sure why but Toph seems like a ladies’ woman. She likes to have her fun and she just finds women to be better companions than men in these aspects. She doesn’t get attatched easily though and she’s not really into the commitment. 
5. Korvo (Solar Opposites)
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Again, I feel like this plays into a stereotype that I don’t want to support but these are my headcanons and I will do with them as I want. Korvo is an alien who is having a hard time adjusting to living on Earth. We know that his species has no biological sex and do not reproduce sexually but many of them choose genders, enjoy sexual activity, and pursue romantic relationships. I headcanon Korvo as bi-oriented aroace, possibly bi-electio aroace.
I have not seen the most recent season but in season 1, Korvo is mostly uninterested in anything outside of returning the ship. We have seen him in real no romantic contexts but he and Terry are co-parents of sorts. We also see him in a couple of sexual contexts. When he got zapped by a ray that removed his intelligence, he tried humping Terry and when he and Terry tried going to college, he remained on his side of his and Terry’s shared bed when Terry brought home sexual partners.
I don’t think Terry and Korvo are in a relationship or a qpr but am not completely opposed to the idea. My point was just that we know he isn’t repulsed by the idea of doing traditionally romantic or sexual things with someone who is masculine in nature. I think he could also appreciate what a woman brings to the table, as seen when he built a robot to fulfill the role of wife and mother in the house.
I don’t think Korvo is interested in a relationship but he does value the companionship and wouldn’t be unhappy with a partner. He may struggle to maintain a partnership but I don’t think gender would be much of a factor.
6. Todd Chavez (BoJack Horseman)
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Todd is BoJack’s off-and-on best friend/ roommate. Canonically, he is asexual and heteroromantic (presumably, all we know for sure is that he is alloromantic). I headcanon him as straight-oriented aroace, specifically heteroqueerpatonic and panplatonic.
I love that Todd is canonically asexual and I appreciate that they showed an asexual character who is not aromantic. But, all of Todd’s relationships have that queerplatonic vibe. When he described the kind of relationship he wanted with Emily, it didn’t sound like a romantic relationship. What he had with Yolanda certainly wasn’t romantic. Maybe it was just the writing but Todd seemed most happy when his relationship resembled a qpr. When he was dating Maude, the lines between romance and friendship were blurry and they seemed very happy, and that included not doing traditionally romantic things like getting married.
I could also see Todd as greyromantic. For him, I feel like having a label isn’t really that big of a deal. Being able to say he was asexual was a big deal for him but he just wants to be himself and find whatever makes him happy. Sex and a traditional romantic relationship don’t really seem to be a part of that.
7. Silver Surfer (Marvel Comics)
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Again, this isn’t one I talk about much because I don’t want to support the stereotype that aromantics or asexuals are inhuman or lacking emotion. Before becoming the Silver Surfer, Norrin Radd is in a relationship on his home planet and he does express interest in a few women after becoming the Silver Surfer. I headcanon him as straight-oriented aroace.
Some of it may have to do with Galactus’s interference. Maybe not. The Surfer doesn’t need sex or romance (no one does but you catch my drift) but he doesn’t really want it either. Sometimes it is portrayed from a sense of duty but we don’t really know what he’s feeling. He’s been one of my favorite characters for years so I may just be projecting but it feels right.
He can get lonely. He wants a companion but I don’t think he’d want a romantic one or even a queerplatonic partner. He’d be most happy with a friend and he’d get all the fulfillment he needs from one. A romantic partner might be a bit too much.
8. Gina Linetti (Brooklyn 99)
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Gina is Jake’s childhood friend, Captain Holt’s assistant, and Boyle’s... something. I’ve seen a lot of headcanons that she is pansexual but I headcanon her as heteroflexible-oriented aroace.
Gina, like Toph, is just kind of doing her own thing. I feel like she’d be sex favorable and romance indifferent. Sex is fun, relationships are alright, she’s just living her best life. Men are nice, women are too. She’s just living life and rocking with whatever rolls her way.
When she has her daughter, she does want to settle down a bit but not with a man. She loves the kid and steps up to her new responsibility but she doesn’t let it change her. She’s still as wild and free and she doesn’t want or need anyone.
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