#i would reread to see if my opinion on that is any different but it's DAILY PASS so i CANT!!!! | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

maxdibert · 2 months ago

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Someone had asked me when I started considering Severus my favorite character, but I’m an idiot and accidentally deleted the message with my response, so I’m putting it here separately because I think it’s a shame, and I don’t want to seem rude. They asked me if I liked him ever since his story was revealed in the seventh book, if it was earlier than that, or if it was something that developed as a reaction to the hate the character receives. And honestly, none of those?

When I first started reading the series as a kid, Severus seemed to me like the typical asshole teacher from any children's story. I mean, in every kids’ or teen movie, show, or book, there's always an asshole teacher. There's the one who punishes the kids in The Breakfast Club, the principal in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off who chases him all over town, and Miss Finster in Recess, who spends all day trying to catch students misbehaving. Snape, in the early books, felt like just another one of those, and honestly, I never really disliked those characters—I actually found them kind of funny.

I started feeling empathy for him in the fifth book because the SWM scene really shocked me. And I’m 100% serious when I say that level of school violence is absolutely horrifying to me. That was also the scene that made me hate James Potter, and honestly, that hatred is the longest relationship I’ve ever had with a man who isn’t my father. Well, not really—I’ve had friends for longer—but it sounds good to say. And then, when I got to the seventh book and his backstory was revealed, I actually found him pretty pathetic. I won’t lie—I thought he was a total loser. My reaction was like: dude, all of this over a woman who married your bully? My opinion on Lily isn’t something I developed recently; it goes way back. It always seemed insane to me that Snape had literally sacrificed his entire life for a woman who cut him off over something that, to me, felt like nothing compared to what he endured every day. But more than that, it absolutely blew my mind that she married the person responsible for all of it. Because, honestly, if a friend of mine married my abuser, I’d beat the crap out of her. It just seemed like something only someone with incredibly low self-esteem would do, and back then, I didn’t really appreciate pathetic characters.

Years later, I reread the series, and by then, I was older, had seen more things, and understood life differently. I had also gone through a couple of pretty traumatic experiences and met people who had gotten into all sorts of trouble or came from extremely dysfunctional families, and that made me empathize a lot more. First, I started appreciating Snape’s mean girl moments throughout the books because, honestly, I relate to his way of being a total bitch when it comes to messing with people. Second, by then, I had already spent a year washing dishes, living in a shitty apartment, and getting paid next to nothing, so I understood just how exhausting life must have been for him as an adult. Honestly, the Golden Trio’s behavior was unbearable to me at times. And third, his story felt like an incredibly realistic portrayal of how someone with no resources or support clings to anything to survive—even if that means joining a terrorist group, a cult, or just getting involved with the wrong crowd. Severus Snape’s case is the case of thousands of young people in extreme vulnerability who see no other way out but to get involved in certain things, or who are so desperate for acceptance and affection that they latch onto anyone who shows them the slightest bit of attention, or who have so little that they settle for anything. They’re easy targets, which is why it’s such a common phenomenon. His behavior also seemed like a very realistic response to the trauma he carried, and his reactions made perfect sense within his context. I simply came to the conclusion that he was the most complex and three-dimensional character in the entire series, and the reason so many people hate him is precisely because he doesn’t fit into a childlike moral framework—he’s a character you understand and appreciate more as an adult. Of course, most of his haters are under 25; most of them still live with their parents, haven’t been through real hardship, and don’t understand life.

And now, it also just makes sense for me to defend him because—let’s just say I neither confirm nor deny that I see a lot of the people I work with in him. People who have made serious mistakes, who have gotten involved in horrible things, but at the end of the day, they genuinely want to change or reintegrate into society, yet they’re constantly judged and condemned despite the fact that their actions were a direct consequence of social, institutional, and systemic barriers that left them with no other options. And the fact that people ignore that reality pisses me off because, ultimately, it’s a reflection of how we’re socially conditioned to believe in a ridiculous moral binary when, in reality, everything is far more complicated. Like, yeah, Snape joined a terrorist group, but so what? He paid his dues, so what? I believe in social reintegration, and my job is literally about that—there’s nothing more to it.

#severus snape #pro severus snape #severus snape defense #pro snape #severus snape fandom

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yan-lorkai · 2 years ago

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Hii, Lorks ~

Had see that your writing for my favorie earl now, have any hcs for older sibling reader and young brother Ciel? Sorry about bad english, is not my first language

.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ A/N: Been busy with uni stuff but nothing couldn't stop me from writing this now that inspiration strikes me and since we're having a new season I began to reread the manga these past few days and wow, I still love this lil dude. Look at his smiled he knows he's adorable. The Green Witch arc remains my favorite <3

.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ Warning: Yandere content, platonic yandere, protectiveness.

.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ You were a few years older than the twins, but you were very close to them as well as being a constant figure for them as they grew up. You were what they would describe as the best sibling in the world, even though you liked to make fun of them and make jokes that embarrassed them in front of people, like any good old sibling would do.

.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ When you had free time, you enjoyed teaching them chess and other logic games, loving the way the expressions on their faces were confusing whenever you used a different strategy. These were simple times when the whole family would get together to watch you play while everyone chatted. Times that were lost after the attack, all the joy, all the warmth, that mixed with the sad blue of the wallpaper until it turned the entire mansion into something cold.

.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ Ciel came back, lost, deeply hurt, and you were the only person he told what happened. The whole kidnapping and the cult, and it broke your heart, your brilliant little brother was an unresponsive blank as he recounted the facts, as if he didn't want to realize the impact that that event had on him. As if he was still on autopilot and couldn't let his guard down. And things were worse now that he had lost his twin brother, who he was as attached to as you were.

.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ But you were there to support him every step of the way, holding his hand after a nightmare, wiping the rare tears from his eyes, listening to everything he had to say. Ciel's stubborn and prideful, he never asks for help but he has this serene smile on his face when you go out of your way to help him anyway. You knew he was strong for withstanding all the pressure, for enduring everything he went through and for having the strength necessary to overcome everything, and you reminded him of that in each of his "weak moments". It reminded him that he was loved and that you would always be by his side.

.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ He's still twelve, he's still a child, and you're always telling him stories to sleep and taking him out to take his mind off his trauma. Sometimes you just sit next to him and listen to him express his thoughts.

.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ Ciel can be a little overprotective sometimes, which is funny considering you should be the overprotective one due to the age difference. He always sends Sebastian with you on your errands, to protect you from some attack or someone. And you don't complain, his intentions are good and you can understand the anxiety he feels upon knowing that those responsible for the attack are free and alive.

.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ Being a few years older, you know a lot about balls, about every important person and how to negotiate with them. And you teach each of these things to Ciel when he decides to claim the title of Queen's Watchdog, giving advice and sharing your opinion whenever he asks you, being by his side as his left hand.

.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ And being his left hand means that you and Sebastian interact on a daily basis, protecting Ciel, going on missions together, collecting information and the such.

.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ In private, when your masks can finally fall, you call him by his real name, hug him lightly and let him know that no matter what, you'll be there for him. Always.

⠀

.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ Ciel actually told you everything, everything except that he made a contract with a demon. He hopes you can forgive him when the contract is completed, when he and his soul disappear from this world, without any chance of seeing you one last time in the so-called paradise.

.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ Even after your death, Ciel might remember the loving way you sat in the chair next to his bed when he was sick and took care of him. He will remember the silly promises you made, the bad jokes you told him to make him laugh until his stomach hurt, the little adventures to steal cookies on Christmas morning. Things too precious for him.

#yandere kuroshitsuji #yandere black butler #yandere ciel phantomhive #yandere ciel #yandere ciel x reader #yandere ciel phantomhive x reader #platonic yandere #ciel x reader #ciel phantomhive x reader

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lady-pug · 8 months ago

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Written Between the Lines

Chapter V - Two Hearts as Embers

Summary: On the eve of your wedding day you are left feeling agitated, anxious and lonely. But an unexpected late-night visit and some surprising revelations might be just what you need to calm your racing heart.

Pairing: Aemond Targaryen x Reader

Word count: 4k

Warnings: canon-typical incest (uncle-niece), ritualistic self-inflicted wounds, ritualistic blood consumption

Notes: Hellooo! It’s me again, and I bring you something I have been dying to write for a while (pretty much since chapter got published). I had lots of fun writing this one and ended up loving how it came out.

Like I’ve mentioned before, I have left the question of the reader’s parentage more ambiguous (she can be biologically Laenor’s daughter, or Harwin Strong’s or some other folk Rhaenyra decided to bed once, it doesn’t matter). I did this in order to not imply a certain appearance for the reader and leave the whole thing up for interpretation.

High Valyrian translations are in the end notes.

Thank you so much for reading, I hope with all my heart you enjoy!

Next chapter | Previous chapter | Masterlist | Read on AO3

You had never been more agitated than you were feeling after supper. Not even the bath you requested your maids fix for you had helped to calm your skittish nerves, nor did the calming tea Alicent suggested you drink before bed. Sleep eluded you, so you decided to read something as a distraction but found yourself rereading the same sentence several times, such was your lack of concentration.

Time couldn’t go by any slower in your opinion. It had been almost four whole moons since your betrothal to Aemond, and not a day went by that you didn’t wish the wedding day would arrive faster. No less than three days after your quarrel with Jason Lannister in the courtyard (to which Rhaenyra rolled her eyes at Tyland’s apologies on behalf of his brother, pretending not to notice the proud smile Daemon sent your way once you’d told them what happened) your mother had given birth to a healthy baby girl, to whom she gave the name Visenya. You insisted on helping with the delivery, like you had done before with the birth of Aegon and Viserys, and nothing she said could pry you from her side.

“You shouldn’t see me like this, tis’ not a pleasant sight.” she had said, even though Visenya’s birth was the most uncomplicated one compared to her two older brothers you had witnessed.

“Worry not, mother.” you had soothed her, swallowing down your own fear of the whole situation “I wish to be here for you. And besides, it shall be me in the same place as you are now soon enough. I should see what awaits me.”

Almost as soon as she could stand unassisted again, without much care for her own well-being, she started planning and preparing your wedding feast, much to both Daemon’s and Alicent’s dismay. She started ordering servants around, asking the maesters to send ravens to all great houses, requesting the cooks to buy different exotic meats. You told her all the fuss wasn’t necessary, that just a feast with the whole family would suffice, but she and even Alicent scolded you, saying that the heirs to the throne warrant only the best on their wedding day.

After getting past her initial shock at the way Rhaenyra handled things, Alicent joined in the wedding planning efforts. The whole ordeal brought them closer, and now without the looming figure of Viserys, the very thing that had drifted them apart in the first place, and Otto no longer caring about securing Aegon’s claim, the both of them managed to find their footing again and their friendship started to bloom once more. It was the main reason you tried not chiming in too much on the planning of your own wedding, wanting them to have this moment for themselves knowing how much, at least on your mother’s side, she had missed her best friend.

Now, on the eve of the day you were to be wed, you were disproportionately anxious and you couldn’t even understand why. You knew Aemond wanted to marry you as much as you wanted to marry him, you knew this union would avoid a bloody and gruesome war between your kin, you knew it would make both of you, and in turn both your mothers, happy. Then why did you suddenly feel so apprehensive? It couldn’t possibly be due to cold feet, you could think of nothing else but how much you wanted this day to come. So why?

You wanted to see Aemond. His presence brought you comfort and you always felt safe when you were with him, ever since you were merely more than a babe, and even more so now that you had gotten to know each other once more. But Alicent, fervorously adept in the Faith of the Seven, had prohibited you from seeing one another after dusk had fallen, claiming that the groom seeing the bride before the wedding brought misfortune to their union. So you resigned yourself to simmering alone in your thoughts until the wedding, or until you have gone mad.

Deep down you knew you could talk to your mother. She would most likely understand, even relate to what you were feeling. However, you felt like she already had too much on her plate with the last minute preparations, same thing with Alicent (and to be honest you still weren’t all that close to your soon to be good mother, maybe someday). Daemon had been away from court for almost a week now, no word to where he was going, just a promise that he would most definitely be back for the wedding. You could talk to Helaena, but you didn’t wish to bother her with such trivial matters, as she had her hands full with her two children (three if you included her husband in the bill). Jace and Luke? Absolutely not. Maybe Baela could talk some sense into you if she was still awake at this hour.

There was one other person who used to bring you a similar sense of security as Aemond did, someone you used to go to when you felt frightened as a child and who calmed you down in a way your mother never managed to match. But he was no longer here, and the almost debilitating ache his absence evoked in your chest brought tears to your eyes. You shook your head, desperate to get rid of this feeling and focus on something else

Then something caught your attention. A muffled, dry thud echoed around your chambers, so low you almost didn’t hear it. It sounded out again, louder this time, and you guessed it was coming from the wall. Or rather behind the wall. Walking over to where the sound was coming from, you placed your head on the cold stone, the side of your face flat against the surface as you tried to listen better. You beamed brightly once you heard the sound again, this time right under your ear: someone was knocking on the wall from the other side.

Eagerly, you opened the door, expecting it to be your soon to be husband, but the face that greeted you on the other side was not who you were hoping for.

“Daemon?” you questioned, feeling more confused than ever. He didn’t answer and only stared at you until you stepped aside to let him into the room “When did you get back?”

Once again your question went unanswered as he sauntered into the chambers, and only now did you realize he was holding a beat up parcel in his hand, its contents unknown to you.

“What are you doing here?”

He placed the parcel on your bed and turned around to face you.

“Put these on and meet me outside when you are ready.” he walked back the way he came, halting only when you grabbed his hand.

“Daemon, what is going on?”

“Just do as you are told.” his face softened upon noticing the apprehension on your face, a reflection of your earlier fidgety state “Trust me on this, alright?”

After a beat you nodded, moving back towards the parcel. Looking over your shoulder you noticed Daemon had walked out the hidden door once more, leaving it ajar just a crack. As you opened the bag you were left puzzled as you pulled robes that were almost the same beige, grayish color of the parcel. As you unfolded it, however, you noticed the red details on the fabric, lining the bottom of the skirts, cuffs and shoulders. You changed out of your nightgown and pulled the robes over your head, tying it around your waist.

Staring at your reflection on the mirror, something about the clothes, all the intricate details on the midsection and the patterns embroidered in colors, all of it seemed almost too familiar to you. You couldn’t quite put your finger on where you remembered it from, though, no matter how long you stared at yourself in it. Deciding not to dwell too much on it, you followed Daemon out the secret door.

A thousand questions raced through your mind as you followed him through the secret tunnels of Maegor’s Holdfast. When had he gotten back? Where had he been? Where were you going? None of the scenarios you created in your head made any sense so you kept your head down and followed after your step-father. You eventually left the passages, coming out on the side of Aegon’s High Hill that faced the sea. Daemon started walking towards Shadowblack Lane, intending to climb all the way down to the beach.

“Where are we going?” you asked, careful to watch your footing on the steep track.

“You will see.” he gave no more away, elusive as ever.

“You know, kepa, had I not known you for so long now I would think you are trying to abduct me before my wedding day.”

“You know I have never been the biggest fan of the one-eyed cunt, tala.” he chuckled at the scathing glare you sent his way “But you seem fond of him, so I rest my case.”

You walked the rest of the way in silence before you stood a short distance from the beach. There, as you walked ahead of Daemon, you spotted three lone figures, standing next to decorations in shades of red and yellow and illuminated by lit pyres. Upon closer inspection you realized one of them was your mother, holding something you couldn’t quite make out in her arms, and another was a priest or cleric of some kind. The third person, on the other hand, you couldn’t even see for their face was obscured by the hood of their cloak.

As she noticed you approaching, Rhaenyra nudged the hooded figure who turned around to face you as well, and when you could finally see under the cloak you felt like your heart had ceased beating and all air left your lungs in a single, shaky exhale.

No, you thought, it can’t be. He was dead, had been dead for years. He couldn’t possibly be here, your tired mind had to be playing tricks on you.

But when he pulled the cloak down, revealing all of himself to you, it was clear it wasn’t an image conjured by your mind to toy with you. He was really here.

“Father?”

Your voice was so soft, so scared that if you spoke too loudly you’d break whatever spell you were under, wake up in your bed and find out you had been dreaming all along. Tears brimmed in your eyes, something heavy and tight burning on your throat, as you felt a hand gently rubbing between your shoulder blades. You hadn’t even noticed when Daemon had caught up to you, now trying to bring you comfort in your most vulnerable moment. One look at your mother smiling kindly at you, a mist in her own eyes as she gave you a single nod, had you taking off running into the arms of Laenor Velaryon.

You buried your face in his chest, your arms circling his waist as his own wrapped around your shoulders, one hand gently cradling the back of your head and holding you tightly against him. Years upon years of pent up grief, of deep seated longing and anger and resentment and pain and desperation poured out of you, a weight being lifted off your shoulder as they shook from the force of your sobs. You felt him tightening his arms even further around you, swaying you from side to side as he used to do when you were younger and in need of comfort, and the realization that he was here, that he was truly alive, made you shed even more tears and cry even harder.

Eventually your sobs subsided to sniffles and you pulled back, staring up at him. He used the bottom of his cloak to dry the lone tears that still rolled down your cheeks, the coarse material helping ground you enough to properly take in the sight of him. He looked expectedly older than you remembered, more worn down, but at the same time the lines of worry on his face seemed less deep than before, like he was happier, more free somehow. His silver hair was a lot shorter, having foregone the dreads and letting his natural curls take over.

“H-how… how are you-?!” you hiccuped, still not fully understanding the situation.

“Tis’ a long story, mayhaps better suited for another time.” he spoke delicately “Your mother can explain it to you in the future.”

“But what are you doing here?”

The grin that spread across his face was as bright as you remembered, so mirthful and full of life.

“You did not think I was going to miss my little girl’s wedding, now, did you?” he poked your ribs, another nod to simpler times.

For a moment you panicked, holding tightly onto his forearms as if he would disappear if you let him go.

“No, you can’t!” you stammered, fearful “If someone sees you at the sept-”

“No one will see me,” he shook his head, running a hand over your hair in hopes of soothing you “for I am not going to the sept.”

“Then how…?”

Your mother finally stepped forward.

“Tis’ why we are here tonight.” she spoke for the first time since you arrived at the beach and it was then that you figured out what she was holding.

A traditional headpiece.

And everything started making sense. You might not have remembered the clothes but you could never forget the headpiece worn by your mother during hers and Daemon’s own wedding. You had been too out of it to truly pay attention to what was happening, for the death of your father and the whole ordeal with Aemond on Driftmark were still fresh and weighing heavily on your mind, but you remember looking at her and thinking how well the piece suited her, making her look like the most beautiful woman in the realm in your eyes.

It made sense, the robes, the cleric, the decorations.

It was a valyrian wedding ceremony.

“Getting Caraxes to accept him as a passenger was quite the task.” Daemon jested. So that’s where he had been the previous days, he had gone to fetch your father.

Rhaenyra and Daemon had organized the whole thing in order for you not only to have a wedding in the traditions of your roots, something they knew both you and Aemond cherished deeply and bonded over, but also to give the opportunity for your father to witness it.

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Laenor continued, cupping your cheeks “You are my first born and my only daughter, no matter what anyone says.”

The smile that took over your features threatened to split your face in half from how large it was, a new wave of tears pooling in your eyes as you hid in his arms once more. It didn’t matter if you were his by blood or not, he was your father. He was the one who had cared for you, who soothed you when you were sorrowful, who held you when you were frightened. He was the one who had started teaching you how to fight, how to defend yourself against a world that would certainly try to bring you down. He was your father and you loved him as such.

A set of footsteps approaching had you pulling back from him, turning to face whoever had intruded in your moment, only to come face to face with Aemond. He was wearing similar robes to your own, the clothing complementing his figure and making him appear even more handsome to you.

He stared at you in bewilderment, his eye moving rapidly between your father next to you and your mother who now stood next to Daemon. She placed the headpiece in her husband’s hands as she walked towards Aemond, and as she approached him, Laenor gently grasped your shoulders and turned you away from them, starting to style your hair.

You tried not to eavesdrop, you really did, but Rhaenyra wasn’t being very subtle either way.

“This is me trusting you.” she spoke with conviction, not wavering in front of a man seemingly feared by the whole court “If this got out, it could be my ruin. I am trusting you to keep this secret, valonqar, as I am trusting you with her.” there was a pause in her speech before she continued “Should you break my trust, for any reason whatsoever, either by betraying me or her, I will take her away from you. You will never see her again.”

It was silent for a moment, her words striking fear even in your own heart, before you heard Aemond’s quiet answer, his voice almost a whisper.

“Kostā pāsagon nyke, mandia. Nyke kivio.”

A warmth spread through your chest as you took in his words. Laenor seemed to notice your giddiness for he chuckled at your antics.

“Does he make you happy?” he spoke after a moment, his tone more serious than before.

“He does.” you answered without hesitation.

His hands settled on your shoulders, his voice lowering so only you could hear.

“And do you love him?”

Turning around you noticed the pleading look in his eyes, hidden behind the wall of sterness, and you noticed how much your joy mattered to him, even after all these years.

“I do.”

His worry melted away as he smiled brightly again.

“Tis’ all I could ask for.” he pulled a few strands of your hair, giving it its finishing touch “There, now you are the prettiest princess in the realm.” he spoke softly, reciting the words he would always say when helping you style your hair as a child.

With a kiss to the top of your head, your father turned you back around towards your husband to be, who stood next to Rhaenyra, and something made you stop dead in your tracks.

He was no longer wearing his eyepatch.

Sometime between the moment he arrived and now, while you had your back turned to him, he had bared his face for all to see. The force of the realization of what he did, of what this meant to him almost brought you to your knees. This was him, trusting in your mother, like she trusted him before. By trusting her enough to show her the most vulnerable side of him, one he had admitted once to having never shown anyone other than yourself and the occasional maester before, not even his own mother, he was proving to her that the faith she had placed in him wasn’t unwarranted.

In this very moment you knew you never wanted to spend another day apart from him ever again.

Rhaenyra stepped forward then, the headpiece back on her hands and, as you walked closer to the two of them, she placed it on your head, straightening your clothes. She didn’t have to speak, for her smile revealed everything she was thinking.

I am so proud of you.

“I know, mother.” you whispered and you could swear she blinked a few times too fast, trying to keep her own tears from falling. She took a step back, going to stand between Laenor and Daemon behind you as you finally turned to face Aemond fully.

He looked beautiful, perhaps more than you’d ever seen before. The light cast from the pyres shining on the sapphire, glimmering like the night sky, made him look almost celestial, the red of the robes contrasting against his pale skin and under the white strands of his hair. As you stood before each other, so close you could feel the heat emanating from him, all your thoughts were silenced, none of them mattering now that you were about to be united in fire and blood.

“Shall we begin then?” your mother gestured for the man, who you now realized was a dragon priest, to step forward and stand besides the two of you, handing Aemond a small blade made of dragonglass.

“Hen lantoti ānogar, va sȳdronti vāedroma.” the man spoke in a measured cadence, almost as if he was reciting a love poem or singing a ballad.

Blood of two, joined as one

Aemond raised the blade to your lips, cutting a small line across the middle of your bottom lip.

“Mēro perzot gīhoti, elēdroma iārza sīr.”

Ghostly flame, and song of shadows

He brought a finger to your lips and tenderly, almost reverently, dabbed his finger in the speck of blood that had formed on your skin. He traced a line in the middle of your forehead, right between your eyes, branding you with a mark, his mark.

“Izulī ampā perzī, prūmī lanti sēteski.”

Two hearts as embers, forged in fourteen fires

You, in turn, did the same to him, reveling in the softness of his lips as you slashed his skin. Like he had done, you gathered the crimson liquid and marked him as inherently yours.

“Hen jenȳ māzīlarion, qēlossa ozūndesi.”

A future promised in glass, the stars stand witness

The dragon priest then handed you a larger dragonglass blade which you used to slash a line across your palm, handing it to Aemond so he could do the same, none of you minding the sharp sting. Then the both of you took each other’s hand, perfectly aligning the fresh cuts as your fingers intertwined almost on instinct.

“Sȳndroro ōñō jēdo, rȳ kīvia mazvestraksi.”

The vow spoken through time, of darkness and light

With a goblet placed under your joined hands, collecting the dripping crimson of your mixed blood, the priest wrapped an embroidered ribbon around your hands, uniting you for eternity.

Once he was done reciting the vows, the man then handed you the chalice and Aemond’s eye followed your every move as you brought it to your lips. The coppery taste didn’t bother you, warmth filling in your chest at the comfort the thought of consuming the merge of both your essences elicited in you.

Aemond did the same, taking a generous gulp from the goblet, and you couldn’t help the flush that took over your cheeks as you watched the way his throat moved as he swallowed or how his tongue peeked out of his mouth as he licked his lips, not letting one drop go to waste.

Only after the dragon priest had taken the chalice from his hands did Aemond step even closer to you, toes almost touching. He placed a finger under your chin, tilting your head to look at him, thumb delicately tracing the line he had cut on your mouth. Then slowly, gently, he pulled your face towards his and placed a soft albeit passionate kiss on your awaiting lips. He kissed you with devotion, with a sureness of a man who knew exactly where he wanted, no, needed to be. He poured all of his feelings into that one kiss, sealing your fates forever now, tying it to one another.

He reluctantly pulled back, although he did relent to one final tender peck as your lips chased after his own, resting his chin on your shoulder as he embraced you.

“I have longed for this day for as long as I can remember.” he whispered, like he was bestowing upon you his most well kept secret “And now you are mine.”

“I am yours.” you cupped his cheek as you pulled back, running a thumb over his scar like you had come to learn soothed him “As you are mine.”

“I am.” he nodded as he nudged his nose against your cheek, causing your head to turn to the side, facing your family “I have always been.”

As you stared at your family, Rhaenyra no longer trying to hold back her tears as both Laenor and Daemon tried comforting her, you felt loved and adored and safe and content in the arms of your husband. In this very moment, you couldn’t help but thank whatever gods were listening for giving you this, everything you could have ever dreamed of. You’d cherish it greatly from this day, until the end of your days.

High Valyrian translations: - ‘kepa’ and ‘tala’ - father and daughter (meant here affectionately, not by blood, as there are no terms for step-relative in High Valyrian) - valonqar - younger brother - kostā pāsagon nyke, mandia. nyke kivio - you can trust me, (older) sister. i promise

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@dibutw

@fruityvampslayer

@garden-in-the-rain

#aemond targaryen x reader #aemond targaryen x f!reader #aemond targaryen x fem!reader #aemond targaryen fic #aemond targaryen x velaryon!reader #aemond targaryen x targaryen!reader #aemond targaryen x niece!reader #house of the dragon #hotd fanfic

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heavensbeehall · 1 month ago

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I do not think Haymitch is "dumb" in SotR.

He thinks he is dumb in comparison to Lenore Dove. She is book-learning and he is more world savvy.

He adapts to all the very, strange and disconcerting situations he is put in, can understand the perspectives of a wide range of people he encounters. He learns and grasps new concepts quickly. The biggest example is the potato--he could still do it for Wellie after he saw Beetee do it once, while they talked about other things. Snow makes fun of District 12's "aphorisms" in the library and he uses the phrase in like the next chapter without any comment about his new word--he just has already learned, it figured out how to use it and adopted it into his speech without trying or being pleased with himse.

He remembers the way to the one room in District 11 without mics 24 years later. He also memorized "The Raven" which is the most annoying poem, in my opinion, so I think that deserves some special kind of award. (One of the most frustrating elements of SotR to me is that he has internalized the idea that he is not good enough for Lenore Dove. But I don't think Maysilee would ever catch Haymitch with orange paint on his nails.)

He's definitely more emotionally intelligent that Katniss. he remembers people's names. His views are less biased and restrictive than Snow's, certainly. I would say he has the survival insticts of Katniss and the emotional intelligence of Peeta, if I had to describe his narration. And that makes sense as to why he connects with those two. He's between them, but also has decades more experience.

I used to have the theory that he had a photographic memory, and while that was dashed by SotR, it's not that far off. Again, 24 years later he remembered the way to the room Plutarch showed him. And he was drunk. I can't find my hotel room after being shown there a day earlier.

Katniss and Peeta had such a high view of his intelligence, when they come to the conclusion that he must have "outsmarted" the other tributes to win the games. And of course, he didn't. But he did win a Game he wasn't even trying to play and that's not nothing.

There also wasn't much schooling in 12, so after SotR he is only going to get more savvy to how the games work--despite his best efforts to not care.

I also am quite fond of how Haymitch sends gifts in the arena. He obviously has his special way of training Katniss to do what he wants. But he's also really good at selecting the right tool at the right moment--the sleep syrup, the spile.

I know the mentoring system has evolved. In TBOSAS the gifts are just water and food, right? In SotR we see Mags send food as well, but she uses her gifts to help the tributes emotionally (the soup, the ice cream). It's interesting that Haymitch knows that it's always Mags who sends the parachutes. Perhaps she simply has seniority over Wiress but my guess is Wiress would choose much different things to send than Mags and he would be able to tell.

Now I'm thinking about abandoning the TBOSAS reread to do a "Every time Haymitch is smart in SotR reread."

#haymitch abernathy

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homestuckreplay · 5 months ago

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As somebody who’s nuerodivergent and has MDD (Major Depressive Disorder aka Clinical Depression), I find those points about John very interesting! Is there any other hints of this throughout the comic that we’ve seen?

hello!! sorry this took so long, I reread every John page so far and I now have a normal length answer to this question!! (2.9k words shhhh) I will broadly talk about neurodivergence first and then depression, but some of these points could apply to either or both.

I’m also neurodivergent, and I’ve had depression in the past, so this is based on my personal experiences + reading through the diagnostic criteria. if anyone else has different experiences I’d love to hear about it!

So my favorite academic article I’ve found this year is in a journal of disability studies by autistic writer David Preyde, and it’s just him listing all his special interests and how and why they became important to him. It reads like a blog post and I love that it was ‘officially’ published. It reminds me so much of how the Homestuck kids have been introduced, just more in depth.

John is hitting some common/stereotypical special interests, like computer programming and movie trivia, and some less common ones, like old comedians. I don’t think the fact of having interests makes John neurodivergent, but his approach to them might. John sees a Con Air reference and immediately starts explaining the plot of the movie (p.132); he also does recreations of Deep Impact (p.21), A Time to Kill (p.109) and Armageddon (p.223) He can list all the rare Gushers flavors (p.979). He thinks Colonel Sassacre will be able to tell him the ‘precise index of elevated hilarity’ of a joke (p.36). John treats things really methodically, he likes to list and sort and categorize. It’s why he likes programming computers but isn’t good at it – he knows it’s a great hobby for all that, but hasn’t quite mastered the rules yet.

This is also how he figured out punch card alchemy. Not only does he pick up a new skill much quicker when it relates to an existing special interest (stage magic), but he’s a super fast problem solver when the rules make sense and it works the same every time. He prefers familiarity, taking a while to adjust to changes, like taking time to warm up to the new MSPA adventure (p.112).

I would even argue that John’s sylladex could be a new special interest – it’s something he’s just found at the start of the comic (while his friends have all been into it for a while) and he’s deeply frustrated by the rules at first, when its behavior constantly changes due to different numbers of cards, lack of available cards, options to combine items, new modi, etc. But he still works at it for hours even though it’s hard, because it’s captivated him somehow. He picks up the language and techniques at a speed that’s only possible for someone very dedicated, and he’s super excited to get the control deck for his birthday, a very practical gift that other kids might be bored by. This is like the Homestuck equivalent of getting a backpack with a lot of pockets.

John is really proud of the computer wallpaper he made (p.25) and still gives his dad drawings to put on the fridge (p.253) – he’s very earnest about his interests. He also kind of has the fandom impulse to create his own canon that he likes better than the source material – upon seeing Harry Anderson: Wise Guy, he thinks that ‘Mike Caveney's glowing treatment of the man does him every bit of justice’ (p.253), but when he actually re-reads the book, Caveney’s ‘ambivalent attitude toward [John’s] favorite magician in these anecdotes always struck [him] as a little weird’. John is inventing Wise Guy fanfiction in his head which is incredible. It’s also an example of black and white thinking, and the quick switch from one extreme to the other in opinions without much room for nuance, that John often exhibits.

John also has a lot of specific object fixations, or comfort objects – the Con Air bunny has quickly become this. In the original movie the bunny is owned by a 7-year-old girl, while John presents as a 13-year-old boy, someone for who it’s far less socially acceptable to own a stuffed animal – but John isn’t concerned about that. The green slime ghost pogo ride is another object he returns to over and over – other people might see that as a dangerous knockoff piece of junk, but to John it carries a lot of meaning (p.105, 476). He’s always carrying things like a wizard’s hat (p.44) or shaving cream (p.488) in his sylladex that have no practical use, he just wants to have them.

John is really weird in social interactions, and often tries to avoid them altogether. The lengths John goes to to not run into his dad while exploring the house in the first 100 pages take more time and effort than actually talking to him, but John avoids him no matter the cost. On page 30 he’s also frustrated because Dave is texting him again, and John wants to be left in peace to look at his video games. Not play the games, just look at them. It’s very relatable to me to want to just enjoy my cool stuff even when not actively engaging in it, and to have a lot of ‘off time’ even from my close friends.

John responds to Rose’s genuine sentiments with ‘haha, oh jeez, that is silly!’ (p.256) and struggles with getting his dad to talk about his nanna’s death – on page 543 he considers asking her about it directly; I think some neurotypical people may see that as an unwritten social taboo. But John isn’t uncaring; he marks his friends’ birthdays on his calendar (p.999) and buys them all personalized gifts that they all end up loving, even if Rose interprets hers as a ‘subtle dig’ which John didn’t intend (p.442). John also says ‘ok, i guess i will take your word for it’ to Nanna (p.420) could come across as passive-aggressive, but John means it so genuinely.

John struggles to see beyond his own perspective, like when he’s surprised that it’s already dark in Rose’s house (p.174) despite knowing where she lives. He’s generally very preoccupied with his own concerns, but he eventually remembers to ask Rose ‘are you ok? hasn't your house been on fire for like... five hours now?’ He clearly cares about the people he’s close to, but doesn’t show it in the most obvious ways.

John is hilarious, but he doesn’t tell jokes in a standard format. He is straightforward in all social interactions, and doesn’t have the bantering instinct that Rose and Dave do. Some top tier examples of John humor: ‘it is understandable because you are really attractive. i am attracted to you... jk haha’ (p.35), ‘oh, btw... jk I was wearing a funny disguise this whole time. gotcha! hehehehe’ and Rose’s accompanying response of ‘I know, John.’ (p.63), and ‘yeah, more like the opposite of all those things is the thing that is true!’ (p.386). He clearly has the jokester’s spirit, but unusual execution.

John generally takes things at face value, thinking that Jade ‘seems like a pretty regular girl’ (p.652), and his dynamic with Dave is really fascinating. All their conversations read like Dave is doing a bit and John is taking him completely seriously, but Dave isn’t making fun of John, they’re both having a good time. So it’s not like when a so-called normal kid bullies a weird kid in school, it’s more like these two people who are both different flavors of neurodivergent bouncing off each other in a way that unexpectedly works. This also explains why John hates GameBro and Dave likes it – John takes it seriously while Dave is reading it as a satire of other gaming magazines. (I actually don’t know which is true).

John has a bunch of rigid rules for the world that read like shortcuts – he doesn’t innately understand societal norms, but has figured out these approximations through careful observation. A kid’s yard must have a tire swing (p.27), a fireplace must have a fire (p.50), and a father must have a pipe (p.74) and by satisfying the checkboxes you can make a family. He’s hesitant to break rules he knows even when it’s a logical course of action, like when he doesn’t want to break the window of his dad’s car to get the Sburb disc and save Rose’s life (p.289).

But if he hasn’t added something to his List of Known Social Rules, it’s open season – he’s completely unconcerned when he accidentally throws one of Dad’s harlequin figurines into the abyss (p.266) even though he gets upset when the things he likes are defaced. The imps are ‘stupid lousy’ for ‘mucking up all [John’s] cool stuff’ (p.473) and have ‘fucking ruined’ his movie posters which ‘were like children to [him]’ (also another example of object fixation). John being overly cautious in some social situations but totally oblivious in others is SO neurodivergent to me, so obviously someone who wants to get it right, but doesn’t have the innate skill.

John clearly struggles with emotional regulation, I don’t think he’s good at masking in face-to-face interactions, and even online ones when he gets stressed enough. He also has very physical reactions to emotional distress (and excitement!), and that can’t be explained by the medium needing to show emotions visually, because he does this to a FAR greater extent than Rose and Dave. John does a victory dance when he wins in battle (p.405) but scrunches up his face and covers his ears when Nannasprite offers him cookies (p.429). Some panels where he’s having a meltdown are really evocative, and it’s so easy for me to imagine how he must be feeling – the chaos of page 517, where John is paralyzed and panicked from way too many stimuli both inside and outside his head, is my best example.

His panic is also evident in his pesterlogs with Dave and Jade shortly after arriving in the Medium. He’s pretty rude to Dave, saying ‘dude, i don't have time for your nerdy raps!’ (p.204) and his sudden use of lots of exclamation points make all his messages sound distressed. He pours the whole story of his meteor escape to Jade, seemingly unable to stop himself (p.293) where someone with more control over their emotional responses might bottle it up, or at least calm down before explaining the story to a friend.

John’s intrusive thoughts are part of the medium; hearing commands in his head is better explained by the story’s rules than by John’s mental state. However, studies have found that intrusive thoughts are very common among humans – they’re just easy to dismiss for most people, while a small minority find them distressing to the point that they affect daily life.

Rose posits that John’s reactions to WV’s commands could be ‘the early symptoms of an anxiety disorder, like post-traumatic stress’ but I read it a little differently; I think his distress at WV’s commands, as opposed to the background radiation of reader commands, kind of represents how a symptom that is manageable in one context becomes debilitating in another.

Related to commands, John likes having clear instructions to follow, and doesn’t respond well to uncertainty. When he has no idea how to use the alchemiter, he just stands on it (p.161) – but he also doesn’t uncritically accept authority. He defers to expertise and likes to ask specific questions and get clear instructions before acting, but that has to be earned. He sees Rose as smart and capable in general, so he follows her instructions within Sburb (for example, p.178) unless he has a better idea (for example, p.187). But the Wayward Vagabond hasn’t earned John’s trust or done anything besides shout and insult him, so John resists his commands (for example, p.264).

A few miscellaneous things I noticed are John just HAVING to complete high fives with his sprite’s raised arm (p.198, 880), John being clumsy and accidentally toppling his nanna’s urn (p.53), John having very strong preferences when it comes to food, as he loves Gushers enough to get them as a birthday gift (p.972) but pulls instinctive faces of disgust at the thought of eating cookies (p.430), and the line ‘there is apparently no crisis so imminent that will deter you from contemplating idiotic and frivolous actions’ (p.199). I think that someone whose brain processes things differently may appear idiotic and frivolous, and they might even internalize that perspective, but the logic actually makes sense. (In this case, John trying to eat a unit of build grist taught him more about how grist as a gaming abstraction works).

Most evidence for John’s depression is in early act 1, before the plot really kicks off. John is very depersonalized at the start of the story; it’s only on his thirteenth birthday that he gets given a name, and he’s associated with a regularly-changing disguise throughout the first hundred pages. There’s a broader theme of mistaken identity in his home – his dad might be a clown or might be a businessman, the figurines might be clowns or harlequins or mimes, the poster on the wall might be Michael Cera but isn’t, and both John’s dad’s room and his own room are not what he expected them to be.

I think this theme of disguise relates to how John doesn’t see himself as having a real identity, perhaps not even a recognizable personality outside of his interests. I also think John is much better at masking his depression than his neurodivergence in a way that’s pretty tragic. Both Rose (p.63) and Dad (p.89) see through John’s CLEVER DISGUISE immediately and think they know John for it, but there’s another part to the disguise that they never notice.

John puts himself down a lot in the early story, insulting his own taste in movies and skills at programming in his list of interests (p.4), thinking of himself as a pooplord (p.5), as neither a skilled magician nor cunning prankster (p.8), stupid (p.16), etc. The “sad clown paradox” (for sure one of my favorite Wikipedia article titles) refers to the correlation between comedians and depression, and while it’s not universal, I think it’s very true for John. Playing a prank on someone and seeing their reaction is a moment of predictable pleasure in an endless drudgery of whiling away the hours, and those tiny bursts of dopamine – and connection with another person, if they respond well – are what keeps John going.

John struggles to focus on reading – every book he owns, we’ve seen him contemplate reading and put off until later. He does this with Colonel Sassacre’s (p.32, 69, 885), Wise Guy (p.123, 253), Data Structures for Assholes (p.116), and the Shaving Almanac (p.544). When he does sit down to read, he’s easily distracted (p.391) – he has good reason here, but this struggle to focus could be a sign of depression. This could be why John has an interest, paranormal lore, that we don’t really see him engage in; it’s easy for depression to take the joy out of something that was once filled with it.

I actually think it’s really interesting how Homestuck’s version of Wise Guy presents Harry Anderson – John’s hero – as a clumsy, incompetent fool (p.629) while the real world Wise Guy describes him as charismatic and in control of the crowd. I say this with all the love in the world, but John has the charisma of the fake Harry Anderson and not the real, and he believes that of himself too. John picking a hero who is described in such a negative light speaks to the type of people he identifies with.

On page 82, which is both the Homestuck title card and the best evidence for John’s depression, he refers to the streets as ‘empty’, to the ‘voids keeping neighbors apart’, ‘hollow’, ‘Desolation’, to feeling something ‘missing’, ‘eluding’, a sense of ‘lack’, ‘Absence’, a ‘mystery dispersing’, a ‘black well’. All that imagery is packed into two paragraphs that do not describe a happy person. This sense of emptiness, distance, space and loss of something is what I most associate with depression, and it provides a real contrast to those autistic meltdown moments where John is feeling too much.

John explicitly says that he feels trapped in his room (p.30) but I think he’s actually trapped in a mindset, and the room or house is more like the physical manifestation of that. That’s not a criticism of him, as I think that can be equally hard to break out of. I have talked a lot about growing up in the suburbs being terrible for finding community, but there is another angle. The Egberts are comfortably middle class, Dad has a car, money, flexible enough work schedule to take John’s birthday off, and supports John’s interests. There are probably computer programming clubs or amateur magic classes in a nearby city, and if John said he wanted to join something like that, I bet Dad would support him. John’s depression makes it impossible for him to even imagine a better situation, much less take steps to grasp it – he needed to be seconds from death for his survival instincts to kick in and make him take action.

I hope that answers your question! Again, I’d love to hear other people’s thoughts on this if anyone has different experiences or picked up on different John moments.

#homestuck #analysis #john egbert #asks #ty so much for this ask it was cool to dig into!!#chrono

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dingodad · 2 months ago

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genuine thought what do you think of jane's writing for all of postcanon? i feel like its been a big missed opportunity on both timelines to make her go down incredibly similar paths (really weakening a lot of themes about nurture > nature that homestuck previously loved doing), and i feel like everything involving her still is something that dogs the narrative when i read new updates. that could just be me though, i try not to read much opinion on hs2 outside of a few people i trust to post analyses of it LOL

it wouldn't be right of me to comment on this with any confidence or in any depth until i've done my Epilogues reread at the very least, and ideally reread Homestuck proper to get a real grasp on jane as a character, but i have already commented on how easy it is to see jane's descent into fascism as a pretty logical extension of her liberal-conservative leanings in youth.

the bit about both janes being largely the same character is, i feel, part of a completely different problem, which is that since the Epilogues' conclusion the continued story has struggled to make good use out of the two-epilogues premise. only a handful of characters really are meaningfully different across the two epilogues; and within the Epilogues themselves this works perfectly okay! because I don't think "nurture > nature" is really a fair simplification of Homestuck's philosophy; the characters' intrinsic natures are significant driving forces behind the story, and from what I remember of my initial Epilogues-reading experience we were never really meant to think of the two epilogues as different stories. rather, they weave together and echo and reflect each other as they show us how characters with the same nature respond to slightly different stimuli, just like different iterations of the same characters do in Homestuck proper. Jane maintaining a similar presence in each version of the narrative is one way it cements that connection.

it's unfortunate that for Jane it had to come together in such a way that dredged up all these implications about girls getting in the way of yaoi, but ultimately and without a doubt making some of the established human characters into the new villains was the most interesting direction the story could have gone in, and after all the spotlight Dirk has got I think it was about time one of the girls got a chance! and i think that's such an important consideration; if one allows oneself not to be bothered by sentimentalities about which characters they like, and which characters they think would or would not agree with their political opinions, evil Jane is a COOL development for her character. and my personal thoughts on the matter, which are largely echoed by Homestuck's sensibilities as a whole, are that female characters should always be allowed to develop in ways that are COOL, even if they are controversial.

the thing is that by the end of the Epilogues the two stories have truly diverged, and the sequel is given the unenviable task of continuing to give these two radically different takes on Homestuck equal reverence - immediately, the concept of two evil Janes becomes not an anchor keeping two similar worlds together but a redundancy keeping them from meaningfully exploring their differences. put another way, something just isn't COOL anymore when you have to do it twice. hence, I can only assume, the decision to grant one Jane the grace of Redemption while the other only spirals further into villainy.

the two takes on the sequel have taken radically different approaches to solving this quandary; HS^2 dedicated itself to a strict schedule of alternating meat and candy stories, which gave us a lot of variety in the kind of stories told but also contributed significantly to its overall really unfortunate pacing issues. Beyond Canon meanwhile has shown open favouritism to one particular storyline, which has allowed us to really immerse in and engage with that particular world but has all but sentenced the other versions of the characters to languishing in irrelevance the rest of the time. that being said, the glimpses we've seen of the other timeline have been able to set up some really intriguing hooks for future story developments, so it might just be too early to make any real judgements about Jane's treatment in this new medium. "good" Jane was put in a really awkward position by having her arc delegated to an exclusive patreon spinoff with no real place in the main story, but Beyond Canon has communicated a clear intent for this arc to pay off, so i fear we janeheads may just have to cross our fingers and be patient for the time being...

#hs2 #did i answer the question at all here. sorry. i ended up thinking about something completely different

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keepmycandleburning · 6 months ago

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IDK if this little section of the internet is just uncharacteristically hateful and negative and miserable lately or what. I've been lurking for like a year and posting since like 2 months ago, and it seems recent. I don't really feel like inserting myself into it anymore because it's not fun.

I loved HP as a kid probably like 9-12 y/o, at which time I picked up on something between Bellatrix & Voldemort due to the be quiet, Bella and the no higher pleasure lines. I reread the series for the first time as an adult in Oct-Nov 2023, and I was astonished at how much more I am able to pull from this text now. I came away with a much greater understanding of several things I'd missed as a kid. One of these is that it was very clear to me that Bellatrix & Voldemort were written to be at least sleeping together. VERY CLEAR. It was AFTER this point that I started being part of the fandom, and way after that I've seen people claiming their relationship ISN'T in the books. To me, this is really surprising, because when I've read the books as an adult, it's quite clear. Once I got into the fandom, I found that there are a huge number of people that agree with this interpretation of the text and find is equally obvious as I do.

However, despite the fact that I've seen a number of claims that they DON'T have any relationship in the books, I don't see people using text evidence to support this interpretation. In my personal opinion, this is probably because this is a very difficult argument to make based on the text. But if you think it can be done, instead of submitting negative anon messages without any text support, why don't you write a meta? If anyone would like to make a post going through all of the things people say are text evidence for Bellatrix/Voldemort and explaining why they're not the case, I would gladly read that out of genuine interest. Or, simply going through all the excerpts on their interpersonal relationship and explaining based on the text what sort of relationship you think they DO have.

I have seen countless people over the years analyze sections of text, lines between different characters, their attitudes toward each other, their various actions, and so on, and explain why this adds up to Bellatrix & Voldemort having some sort of relationship. I have NEVER yet seen someone who DOESN'T believe they had a relationship write a text analysis of their opinion. So I sincerely invite you to go through all the bits of text that Bellamort shippers say are canon evidence and explain why they're not—in individual instances and in total. Explain why = not just 'this is my alternative interpretation without text analysis' but *how you justify this being the case based on the text*. How do you justify ignoring how countless bits of the text can be interpreted all in this one way (Bellamort) and instead interpreting them all different ways? How do you explain what JKR was intending to say about Bellatrix & Voldemort's interpersonal relationship considering all their interactions both on- & off-page? WHY are they written the way they are if they don't have an intimate relationship? Or if you believe they're not written that way, again how can you justify this based on the text? If you need a list of text moments and existing 'Bellamort is canon' metas I can compile one.

I'm curious to see what you come up with, because I've never once seen this done—and because, as I've said, it's not an opinion that I personally believe to be supported by the text. If you can explain why it is supported by the text please do that and I'll consume it in good faith.

#considering I'm pretty sure the bulk of this negativity is one person consider this addressed directly to you my friend #bellamort

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veliseraptor · 1 month ago

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March Reading Recap

hey, it's still April, it's not too late yet.

Relatively light reading month as reading months go, mostly because I spent the vast majority of the time reading one single really long book. At least it was a pretty good book, though.

as last month, still continuing my Wheel of Time reread - did Knife of Dreams and The Gathering Storm, both of which I actually really like albeit Knife of Dreams more so. The other, non-Wheel of Time books that I read:

The Iliad by Homer (trans. Emily Wilson). This was actually my first time ever reading the full text of the Iliad, which I feel vaguely embarrassed about. Read the Odyssey, what, three times, but not this one ever? Guess it took Emily Wilson to get me there, even though I have had another recommended translation sitting on my shelf for a while. As usual deeply appreciated the deep thoughtfulness and explicitly laid out perspective Emily Wilson gave on the translation process/choices itself. I feel like I missed out on the chance to read this within a context where I could really dig into/discuss it, but I suppose I could go hunting some studies/literature on it. I think I'm always going to prefer the dramatic takes on the Trojan War cycle to the epics themselves just by virtue of my personal narrative preferences, but I'm glad to have finally read this one so I can have a better sense of the ways in which other texts are in conversation with it.

Trickster Makes This World: Mischief, Myth, and Art by Lewis Hyde. I've had this book on my shelf for approximately forever and finally got around to reading it, as a lifelong Fan of the trickster archetype. I really appreciated it - found it very thought provoking particularly in terms of the ways it discussed the cultural work that tricksters do. I felt like it was weakest when it moved from "traditional" myth into more modern "versions" of tricksterdom, but that doesn't wholly surprise me.

Remnants of Filth: vol. 6 by Rou Bao Bu Chi Rou. If I'm comparing the two works I've read (which it's hard not to) I think I prefer Erha to this one, but I've still been really enjoying the reading experience - almost to the end here (one more volume in the published translation) and I think I probably will go back at some point and reread in its entirety. Some of the later-novel twists I've been a little less enthused about, including some that hit in this volume, but I'm interested to see how it all pulls together at the end.

The Hands of the Emperor by Victoria Goddard. I have such complex feelings about this book and how they end up settling will determine whether or not I read the sequel. Right now I'm kind of on the end of "won't" but we shall see. The interesting thing here, though, is that I found myself comparing this in certain ways - mostly tonally - to The Goblin Emperor, and I actually liked this one more.

It's out of my wheelhouse in a few different ways, most prominently in terms of it being a very...quiet...book. It's not driven by any major singular conflict or confrontation; it's much slower and more - the best word I have is "deliberate" - than that. It's a very interesting piece of fiction and I'm still not totally sure if I "liked" it or not. I feel like I spent a lot of my reading oddly removed from the experience, observing my own reactions and thoughts about the text more than experiencing the text itself. Probably the part of this book that I feel most ambivalent about is how clearly ideologically driven it is, though it handled it much more gracefully than any number of books I have read in the last few years. It has a point to be made and it makes it, but it lands it with less anvil-like force than many authors would.

I feel like this book falls in the category of "books I am curious to have other people whose book-opinions I appreciate read because I want to hear their thoughts, but would hesitate to explicitly recommend to them."

The Sparrow by Mary Doria Russell. I've seen this book floating around for many years, but it took it getting selected for a book club for me to finally read it, and I'm a little sad I waited this long. It's sort of interestingly paced in terms of where the major "action" falls, but I think that fact emphasizes that that isn't what the work as a whole is most interested in. There's something contained and thoughtful about this book, for all it has some pretty heavy stuff in it; it's very much about faith and religion, though, so if those are things that aren't interesting or are active turn-offs then it's probably not for you.

The Husky and His White Cat Shizun: vol. 8 by Rou Bao Bu Chi Rou. Speaking of Erha!!! we're getting into the endgame now and it's some of my favorite stuff. Some of my less favorite stuff, too (unfortunately) but mostly the good. I continue to be really enjoying the opportunity to read this part of the novel in a form other than cleaned-up machine-translated version.

The Devil's Playground by Craig Russell. I picked this one up more or less on a whim because I was looking for new horror (as I so often am) and am casually interested in Golden Age Hollywood as a subject that I know fairly little about but enjoy dabbling in. I felt rewarded, though it ended up feeling more like a mystery than like horror. The spooling out of information and gradual reveals were well handled - the way that the three separate narratives gradually came together felt graceful and satisfying. Glad I plucked this one from the shelves.

After finishing out my Wheel of Time reread this month with the last two books (A Memory of Light as of yesterday) I'm a little at loose ends as far as what I'm wanting to read. Currently reading Metal From Heaven which has yet to hook me, though I have only just begun it.

Bought myself a little bookish treat (an academic work on Tolkien) so maybe I'll read that; I started reading it back in, like, 2015 and then had to return it to an academic library I subsequently lost access to. I still have Hungerstone on hold at the library, which I really want to read but I'm still a couple down the holds list.

#reading recaps #sometimes i read things

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ahotknife · 6 months ago

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declan clearly knows but keeps his thoughts on specifically ONLY this topic to himself for some reason (another thing i’ll have to digress about because Come On…) — would love to hear you digress about it bc I also see it. When I did my huge TRC/TD3 reread this year, that part in the dream thieves where Ronan throws his leg over Adam’s in the car and Declan has that facial reaction actually made me stop and think. When I had first read it centuries ago, I had always figured it had to do with the dreaming and that opinion was enforced by Declan’s POV in his CDTH chapters. However, the CDTH chapters also gave me new perspective about how it’s possible Declan could always Tell that it would be Adam for Ronan. In a way they are introduced as a unit (Declan and Adam being on the phone at the beginning of TRB vs when Gansey needs a battery and Ronan doesn’t want ANYWHERE near that conversation plus the goldmine of Adam’s first pov in TRB at Monmouth). Wrt dream thieves, despite their differences at this time in the series, siblings know siblings and I feel like he definitely was able to tell that Ronan had something more than platonic feelings for Adam. Maybe before Ronan even knew himself. He’s super distrusting of Adam from the beginning till CDTH (given we ignore the events of MI and GW). Even when it’s mentioned that Adam is every bit in love with Ronan as Ronan is with him and Declan can SEE it with his own eyes. This could also be talked about with Kavinsky but my hands will fall off if I type any more rn.

I don’t even know if this makes any sense bc i’ve been driving for like 5 hours straight today and I’m about to pass the fuck out but I just love hearing peoples opinions on this. Also at one point my phone tried to correct Dec to Sex so i think that’s a sign to write that Decladam no love you were teasing.

obsessed with your brain ty for asking. this is probably just going to be me pontificating about declan and adam but we’ll get there eventually

re: the scene with ronan’s leg in the car, i think declan’s reaction somewhat actually kind of IS because of the dreaming… declan mentions in CDTH that he considers adam a liability, he doesn’t like that adam knows family secrets/business, he knows adam lords so much power over his brother that he could either manipulate or destroy him (we know adam won’t, but declan’s brain is broken and he assumes everyone will leave in a spectacular, devastating manner). declan was, essentially, very badly treated by niall (argue with the wall, nothing declan experienced as a child was normal or correct) and is so genuinely terrified of anyone knowing what ronan is or what ronan can do that he would rather lock ronan up rapunzel style than encourage ronan to form bonds or build trust or share secrets with any other living person outside of the lynch family web/sphere. i think he also really dislikes adam for other more simple, real-world reasons: he thinks adam is trailer trash, he thinks ronan should/could do better, he recognizes that adam is keeping big secrets of his own and just doesn’t care to clean up his mess after he breaks ronan’s heart.

adam and declan are extremely similar, purposefully, in a way that is impossible to ignore. in the way that jordan and ronan are paralleled, adam and declan are constantly drawn in comparison to each other. self recognition through the other, and you hate what you see. adam also understands declan, even though he strongly dislikes him and this sometimes taints his judgement/perception; he wants to be declan, he wants to eat declan, he wants to wear declan’s skin and fuck declan’s girlfriend and possess whatever money/power/influence/confidence that declan has. in TD3 we see declan turning to adam for advice, because adam has become an expert in a field declan cannot master: ronan. adam also understands and enjoys something declan has never bothered to indulge himself with: magic. adam fills the dominant role in his relationship with ronan, and he does the same for declan, sometimes, too: in TRC he is shown running point between ronan and declan and enforcing ronan’s boundaries for him because declan refuses to recognize ronan’s limits; in TD3 adam is often the bearer of bad news and the voice of reason, much to declan’s chagrin. adam’s also a foil for mor, but that’s got nothing to do with the fact i think declan’s a little homophobic and a little bitchy and a little classist.

i think declan keeps his mouth shut about ronan’s sexuality for a few reasons. 1 being that it didn’t serve his character for maggie to make him outright hateful, but she did give us little glimpses into his distaste for it. 2 being that he’s got so many other things to hate ronan for or to argue with ronan about it would be fruitless to be like “and you’re gay now, too?” 3 since ronan was born (made? manifested?), declan has been trying to keep him alive. in TRC he needs ronan to listen to him, because he’s trying to keep ronan safe, and if he starts picking on ronan for things other than being an alcoholic suicidal failure then he might as well just start sizing coffins: ronan COULD show up to class, ronan COULD behave better, ronan COULD follow the law, ronan can NOT stop himself from being gay, and he can NOT stop himself from dreaming. i THINK (and i may be wrong) declan only really tags on ronan for things ronan could change, or things that would put him in danger. that said, i think it’s kind of unrealistic that he doesn’t pick on ronan for this, and he might ��offscreen”: a third party observes that declan looks displeased by ronan’s physical proximity to a boy he knows he likes; but i think declan also interprets any sort of intimacy or closeness as a type of danger or threat. his brain is a bag of cats. by wanting someone, by trusting someone, ronan puts himself in danger. declan thinks of women as disposable (he does, he sucks, sorry about it) because the woman who raised him was a facsimile of a person, designed to obey, and she was unable to nurture or fulfill declan emotionally. my theory is that if ronan had a woman, declan assumes ronan would treat her the way declan treats his women: like an accessory. ronan, though, is a different animal, and i think during the series we see declan come to terms with this, even if he really dislikes it at first and thinks ronan is stupid for letting adam in when adam clearly has his own thing going on.

i also think ronan and declan do genuinely dislike each other. throughout TRC they genuinely hate each other and do not get along at all. they love each other, but that is not enough, most of the time. declan would hate anything ronan did. ronan makes fun of declan for his sexuality, because he finds it overt and distasteful. we aren’t explicitly shown in canon that this is a two way street, but listen… it’s definitely an argument they had. it just wasn’t shown because it didn’t serve the larger narrative, which is fine. there ain’t no way declan’s not a tiny reaganite, there ain’t no way he doesn’t have his thoughts and opinions. these are rich white boys from virginia in the early 2010s, for christ sake. but it’s also sort of a case of “oh i don’t hate my brother because he’s gay, i hate my brother for a dozen other reasons. he just also happens to be gay” <- guy who would definitely prefer it if his brother would just find a nice girl to settle down with and subsequently ignore just like their daddy did to their pseudomommy

i don’t even know if this answered your question. i just started thinking about declan and then i blacked out. did we learn something? did we solve the riddle? who knows. i have to stop because this is insanely long. the decladam fic is at 3k btw so we’ll see if i ever finish it

#also who are you? lmao #lucinda.txt #trc meta

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mirellafanfic · 3 months ago

Text

A different father

**My English is not good, in fact it's horrible, so if there is any mistake please forgive me**

**This story takes place a little before the first season**

(father doctor house x baby daughter reader)

He was, for lack of a better word, desperate. It was no wonder that someone had left a baby with him who was no more than 3 days old.That night someone knocked on his door and when he opened it he found nothing except a basket with a small baby and a little letter.Soon he brought her into his apartment and took a good look at the baby, who was perfectly normal and looking at him.She only had the clothes on her back and a blanket and a letter that was apparently handwritten. Taking the letter and reading it, she soon understood what it was about.

The mother had abandoned the child with him.

The letter was from a woman he had tried to have a relationship with, but it obviously didn't work out very well, it was a failed attempt to get over a previous relationship that also failed.The woman who was the child's mother had gotten pregnant but didn't tell him, in fact after the breakup they never saw each other again, he didn't know you existed until now.

The content of the letter was from the mother saying that she did not want the child because she was not ready and did not want a child who had a crippled and drug addicted father. And that she left the child (you) in the hands of the father. The only thing she said more was that you were a girl, you didn't have a name or anything else.

House read and reread and sang to think of a solution. If the relationship was not disastrous in itself, this relationship produced a fruit that had nothing to do with the situation.

He tried to find any solution that came to his mind, you couldn't stay with him, he had the financial means to take care of you, but otherwise he was sure he would be a horrible father.He thought the baby would be better off in the hands of anyone other than him, but upon thinking again, he came to a conclusion, his daughter had no one, the mother did not want her,She had no one to take care of her, besides she was a baby and couldn't take care of herself, in short he was all that child had.

Given the situation he decided to keep the child, at least for now, he had to take care of that baby, and he also made a relatively desperate decision.

Call Wilson

He would need help, even though he would never usually say it, but he needed help and a second opinion.

He called him saying it was an emergency and that he had to get there quickly, he also heard Wilson saying that "if it wasn't a really serious matter he would kill him" or whatever. While waiting, House looked at the baby who was now sleeping peacefully in that crib, sleeping peacefully. But this peace did not last long, as the baby began to cry a lot. He soon picked her up and began to rock her in an attempt to calm her down, and it worked a little; she was beginning to calm down. But this calm did not last long either, soon Wilson knocked on the door and he had to answer. Taking his cane to move with one arm and holding the baby in the other, he went to the door.

"House I hope you have a good reason for calling me, oh my God!"

The moment Wilson turned the house holding a baby he immediately stopped talking and was clearly stunned by what he was seeing.

"That's why I called you, I think this is an important matter." He said sarcastically, "Come in and I'll explain what happened."

Court rom the scene

"Wait, can you explain it to me again? I think I still don't believe it.

House sighs as he sits in the armchair still holding the baby in his arms who by now had stopped crying and was looking at him. "I already said that the mother doesn't want anything to do with me, much less with the baby. She doesn't want her daughter to have a crippled and addicted father."

"And her idea was to leave her baby daughter with this same crippled, drug-addicted father?"

"I never said she was smart"

"and what are you going to do?"Wilson asked, leaving all his attention on his friend.

"I'm going to stay with her, she doesn't have anyone to stay with, her mother doesn't want her and I don't know anything about her mother's family"

"Are you sure?, this surprises me, it will be a big step for you and it will also generate several... Things in your life"

"I'm decided... She has nowhere to go, she has nothing and between nothing and me I think... I don't seem like a bad choice."

"I would never expect this-"

"Besides, you kept stressing me out by telling me to have someone in my life, well now I do."

*They laughed a little but soon their attention returned to you*

"You'll need house help, and some baby stuff too."

"Don't tell me Sherlock"

"I'm just saying that I'm offering help, because you're going to need it, for example she needs breast milk, clothes, a place to lie down"

"I already understand that, I'm going to spend a lot of money on this, but that's life"

Wilson looks around the apartment,He saw the kitchen, the living room where they were and then turned his attention to the man sitting in an armchair holding a baby.

"There's an extra room that you've never used for anything, you can use it as her room"

"It could be, as much as the idea of her sleeping on fruit friday seems tempting, I think it's better for her to sleep in my bed until we have a crib or a stroller"

"Does she have a name?" Wilson asked.

"No, the mother did us the favor of not even bothering to name the baby, I doubt she even has a birth certificate or any other document"

"Have you picked a name for her yet? She can't be called "baby" forever."

"It seems like a good name to me, I'm sure someone must call themselves that."He replied, making another one of his sarcastic comments. But he soon turned his attention back to what he was holding in his arms.

I looked at the baby, something so small and fragile. I had a hard time thinking that he and that little piece of a person had any connection. The little baby looked at him with her eyes almost falling asleep, she was close to falling asleep, but she still kept her eyes open as if she was trying to stay awake.

"S/N"

"as?"Wilson asked

"It's the name I chose for her, I think it suits her"

"Well, now she has a name, it's S/N, we have to rescue her"

**Passage of time**

After a little while of talking, they decided to buy some diapers and breast milk that night.Walking down the street with Wilson carrying you in his arms while House walked

"You will need to buy clothes for her" Said Wilson holding little S/N who was sleeping in his arms

"I know that, but I don't think there are any baby clothes stores that stay open until 11 pm, and it's almost midnight."

"I'm just saying"

"and I'm just answering, we arrived at the pharmacy"

They go into the pharmacy and quickly buy two packs of diapers. Soon they went to pay, and honestly neither of them thought that two peaceful people would be as expensive as they imagined.

"I never would have imagined it would be so expensive, that must be why people are stopping having children"

"it must be"

As House paid for the packages Wilson looked at him intently

"you will need breast milk"

"I'll take care of that now"

"It has to be quick, she might get hungry later and I don't doubt that you'll try to give her alcohol to drink"

"It doesn't seem like a bad idea to me, I'm sure she'll stay quiet for a long time"

"You will need time to care for her or leave her in a daycare"

"If I send her to daycare at her age she will be very sick in a short time."

"So you will have to take some time off from the hospital to take care of her, you can try to explain to Cuddy-"

"She'll know when I register her as my daughter at the registry office and I'll have to talk to her anyway."

"Do you think everything will be okay?"

"I will try my best"

#gregory house x reader #gregory house imagine #gregory house #house md #gregory house x you #Gregory House x Daughter reader

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