#i would make Tim watch Matilda

[erinwantstowrite]

random list of questions for funsies

1. what is your favorite color?

2. if you had to make peter into any animal, dogs excluded because i feel like that's the obvious answer, what animal would he be?

3. if you could take the batfam to the theater to see anything, what movie would u pick for/with them

4. socks when sleeping: yes or no

I'm a huge fan of all the colors, so it depends on where I'm seeing the colors I would guess. I like to wear jewel tones, I can only stand neon when it's neon light, and orange is best when it's during a sunset. But if I had to pick: red, pink, and green. Because strawberries :3

I feel like Peter is a cat that's raised by dogs

This is a hard question, I feel like I'm forgetting every movie I've ever seen ever. The first that comes to mind is ITSV but that's because I was just rewatching it... i think it's a tie between Nimona and Mitchells vs the Machines

absolutely not!!! i can't stand wearing socks most of the time (I almost always wear sandals in the spring and summer unless I have to wear smth for protective), and when sleeping?? the WORST!! i can't fall asleep if I'm wearing socks or pants. I keep my feet warm by letting my dog lay on my feet

[mamabearcatfanart]

I believed that I Would never be able to rely On anybody else. And I was sure that I Would just have to learn to survive All by myself. And one day I opened my eyes, And looked up to find That the sky had turned blindingly blue, And right by my side, there was you Quietly taking a stand And you are holding my hand.

Still Holding My Hand, Tim Minchin

We watched the Matilda musical on Netflix again on Good Friday.

I adore Tim Minchin - not only is he an amazing actor and comedian, but an incredible musician. So many of his songs have a bittersweet feeling that make them nestle in your brain and make you think and feel things. I've had this song stuck in my head for days, with my brain constantly telling me that this is such an Inuyasha and Kagome song and I had to do something about it. So this is the result.

[coinsofmcguffin]

So I watched Netflix's Matilda the Musical today...I have...thoughts.

Spoilers ahead...

Ok so firstly the singing, acting, dancing, choreography and costumes are top notch. Not a fault to be had!

Tim Minchin is a great song writer and the tunes are catchy as anything. The actors do an amazing job, especially Aliesha Weir as Matilda and Emma Thompson as Miss Trunchbull who is obviously having the time of her life playing the villain.

If you are a fan of musicals or Ronald Dahl you will really love this.

HOWEVER

As a child who suffered bullying for a lot of his childhood both from kids and some adults and as someone who didn't like the original because of this I was hesitant to watch the movie but I preserved because of the afore mentioned good points. But I really found it difficult for three reasons:

1. Why doesn't Matilda tell someone?

It is established early on there is at least one adult who Matilda trusts she could tell about her abusive parents and teachers. The librarian Mrs. Phelps played by Sindhu Vee not only offers advice and is genuinely concerned for Matilda's welfare but we see that she would call the police if she thought something was amiss as demonstrated when Matilda was telling part of her story. Matilda actively lies to her yet is willing to do things that would arguably having bigger consequences (such as gluing the hat on her dad). It just doesn't make sense to me. If she didn't do anything I would understand but the show goes out of the way to show how clever this girl is and how she will stand up and be heard

2. Miss Honey and the other teachers are the real villains

Yes Trunchbull is obviously Satan incarnate but that is the character. We need to hate her that much so our hero can shine brighter. The problem is though is by doing this you have made the other teachers including our lovable Miss Honey part of the problem. In one scene Trunchbull is about to do something nasty to a child and the teachers leave the room so they don't see it. They are nameless and very old so we aren't meant to think about them but miss Honey watches it being done. I don't care how scared you are of someone, you can report it to the police. That school alone has so many health and safety violations I'm surprised @osha-official-the-sequel haven't bitten through the clipboard. Miss Honey could have done literally anything. She couldn't go toe to toe with Trunchbull but telling the police, school board, parents, child services, hell even the Mafia (which is established to be in this town) could have yelled better results than asking the kids to keep their head down.

The old say is true: evil triumphs when good men do nothing.

3. What kind of ending for the Trunchbull is that?

So we have established the Trunchbull is a child abuser in every sense of the word. It is also heavily suggested that SHE KILLED PEOPLE. Not too mention most likely commuted vast fraud. She is also very strong and probably has experience using weapons or at least weilding heavy objects as weapons.

So we are all going to believe she runs off because she got a little scared. Give up her house, legacy, job and power?

Look, there are some bullies you give them a talking too, have the punch out, or just outsmart them and they will leave you alone. But they are the rookies, the kinds who aren't truly bad people, just jerks. But the really bullies, the ones like Trunchbull...there is no talking, no beating them once and walking away. No these are the ones you need to put an end to in a more permanent manner. These are the ones you need to break bones or make it so messing with you will literally cause more trouble. These are the ones where jail or a bullet is sometimes the solution. These are the ones who even if they know doing this thing will most likely cause them pain will STILL do it because in their mind hurting you is more important than future consequences.

Guess which category Miss Trunchbull falls into.

She would be back within 24 hours with murder in her heart and as established she probably would follow through.

So why do they give her this run away ending. Its bullshit and wrong and honestly what pissed me off the most. I know it's a kids film but there still could have been ways to show it. Maybe she runs off a cliff? Maybe she runs into the mob and goes for a drive? Maybe she runs into the woods and some wolves follow after her? Get creative people!!

And yes I know it's based on Dahl's work and this is how the story goes but there is even a song about changing your own story and if the character can be self aware maybe the writers could have too?

So TL:DR

Matilda the Musical is a great musical

Acting, singing and dancing top notch

This film will trigger you if you suffered from abuse or bullying

If you give this film more than a moments thought you will find the plot problematic

Fuck bullies and abusers and thank any God you believe in that I was never granted psychic powers because you would have been wearing your organs on the outside.

[tototalks]

9 people you would like to get to know better

Thanks for the tag @belgianreader2 !

1. Three Ships

- Lan Xichen x Jin Guangyao (Mo Dao Zu Shi)

I have absolutely chronic second couple syndrome, and these two aren’t even canon! I must admit, I have a major soft spot for the noble and pious Lan Xichen showing kindness towards the downtrodden but intelligent Meng Yao. It’s just a shame they ended up the way they did. Wonderful parallel to Wangxian and the Lan brothers’ father… someone ask me for an essay on these two 😭

- Preuk x Manaow (Until We Meet Again)

I absolutely love Manaow as a character, and one so rare to see in a BL. I recognise a lot of myself in her. She deserved someone like Pruek and what a handsome couple they make! My university experience certainly wasn’t the same! 🥲

- Ash x Eiji

Another tragic pair, but one I adore. Banana Fish is my favourite manga of all time, and the relationship between Ash and Eiji is a pivotal part of the overall experience. In between gang violence, political intrigue, drug conspiracy, and horrific violence committed against him, Ash managed to get a taste of real love and understanding (however you interpret it) before he met his end.

2. First ship

- Erin x Vlad from CBBC’s Young Dracula! Anyone remember that show??

3. Last Song

- E Lau Afiogae by Vaniah Toloa, a song courtesy of a Samoan friend of mine! I really like the vibe of it.

4. Last Movie

- I watched Matilda the Musical with a close friend and I absolutely loved it! Tim Minchin is a really fantastic lyricist and composer!

5. Currently Reading

- I’m re-reading The Song of Achilles by Madeleine Miller to get my heart broken again. He is half my soul, as the poets say.

6. Currently Watching

- I’m on my annual rewatch of HBO’s Band of Brothers, which is one of my favourite series, and definitely (in my opinion) one of the best war series of all time.

7. Currently Consuming

- A very pleasant almond croissant.

8. Currently Craving

- Bungeoppang! I just moved back from South Korea and these little red bean/ custard fish were my favourite sweet treat! 🐟

Tagging (if you feel like)

@evilovesyou @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed and @chaotic-bells ♥️♥️

[average-guy-reviews]

Matilda The Musical (2022)

"Matilda, an extraordinary girl armed with a sharp mind and a vivid imagination, dares to take a stand against her oppressive parents and head teacher to change her story with miraculous results."

In 1988 one of the greatest storytellers ever introduced the world to a young girl with “magical” powers. Roald Dahl put pen to paper and gave us the story of Matilda, a young girl who inspired a lot of people at the time, and who continues to do so to this day. I won’t give any specific spoilers here but I think the majority know that this is about good v evil, the battle between authority and those kept down by that authority. The overarching story hasn’t changed in 34 years. What has changed is the way it is told.

Tim Minchin and Christopher Nightingale took on the task to translate one of the most popular children’s books of all time into a stage musical. This can’t have been an easy task, trying to make it new while still doing justice to the characters. The stage show went onto to become a beloved favourite for a great many people. Eventually the time came that someone opted to bring this musical to the big screen, and this could have been a big mistake. Theatre shows work in the theatre for a reason, and not all of them transfer very well to cinema.

I’m very happy to say that this show seems to have survived the transition extremely successfully. It works brilliantly on screen, with fantastic music and slick choreography. The level of professionalism on screen from the dancers etc. is really quite impressive. Important note here......the majority of the cast, performers and singers, is children. They have a level of skill and talent that a lot of more mature people would kill to have.

The entire young cast is great, and the future of musical theatre is in good hands.  The films focuses on three main characters, but before I get to them I want to highlight two of the children specifically. Charlie Hodson, as Bruce Bogtrotter, and Meesha Garbett, as Hortensia, are simply magical and they lead the ensemble like they were born to it. They have, potentially, very bright futures ahead of them.

The three main characters are Matilda, Miss Honey and The Trunchbull. Emma Thompson, almost unrecognisable as the terror that is the hammer throwing headmistress of Crunchem Hall, is just fabulous. She exudes an aura of fear and hatred of children that radiates off the screen.....and yet there is one moment where we do see a slightly vulnerable side to her. Yes, she is imagining a world without children but the moment is still there. It is a great performance from one of my favourite actresses.

Lashana Lynch is the timid, and downtrodden, Miss Honey. Having most recently seen her in James Bond and Dr Strange this was a delightful change. From one extreme to another, she has gone from action roles to bringing to life a wonderful, warm, joy of a woman, and it is always a good thing to see the range an actor has. She inhabits each role, making them individual and a pleasure to watch. One thing I wasn’t aware of before this was just how well Lynch, and Thompson, could sing.  Lynch’s powerful vocals were firmly on show in the songs she sang, a heck of a voice. I’d love to see her in many more musical roles.

The main character is, of course, Matilda. Alisha Weir is a real star in the making. Matilda is an innocent girl, but she has a dark side when she is plotting, and carrying out, her revenges on those that have wronged her. One of my favourite things about this iteration of the character is the way Weir plays both sides with equally joy, and ability. The way she draws you in when she’s telling her story, and the way she almost makes you a co-conspirator is just awesome. If she keeps performing, in theatre or film, she has a long impressive future ahead of her.

Matthew Warchus, from the director’s chair, had the difficult job of making the stage show work on film. Whatever changes he had to make worked really well, and the film works seamlessly. The transitions from scene to scene, the choice of shots, and the performances he drew out of the actors, were all done with a skilled hand and an eye for detail of a person with a lot of talent and experience. I have nothing else to say other than, Bravo, Sir, for a job more than well done.

Overall this is brilliant, fun, storytelling that is aimed at a younger audience, with more than enough to keep adults entranced. Just to put this into perspective.....I am 45. I grw up loving, and being inspired by, the books of Roald Dahl. Watching this film brought back a flood of memories of the joy I felt when I was immersed in his worlds. This is getting a really well earned 9/10, with the highest of recommendations to go and sww it on the big screen before it hits streaming, if you can.

[wonkastarshine]

A Willy Wonka Prequel?

Ever since the news broke a couple weeks ago, I have been thinking non-stop about this new prequel. My boyfriend and I had a conversation about it that lasted almost an hour. So many thoughts and questions have swirled around my head, but the only thing that has really stuck with me is simply this: why?

Why do we need this movie? Why is Warner Bros. thinking this is a good idea? Why is this existing when Taika Waititi is already doing another version of CATCF on Netflix?

It just honestly baffles me because the main complaints against the 2005 film were targeted at Wonka’s added backstory. Audiences said it was unnecessary and dragged the film down. I personally don’t mind it. I think it is a very Dahlesque addition. I mean think of all the nasty and abusive parents in Dahl stories from Matilda to James and the Giant Peach. John August and Tim Burton gave Wonka a backstory and people rejected it. We saw Wonka as a child, run away and then a slight glimpse of when he was on Cherry Street. The trouble with a prequel is that so much of the character of Willy Wonka is up for interpretation. Even with Depp’s added backstory, there were still so many gaps that the audience had to fill in for themselves such as the whereabouts of his mother, full motives for his father hating candy, what he did after he ran away and how he actually gained the skills and knowledge to become the genius candymaker he is. And the reason we don’t know is because Roald Dahl never intended us to.

All we learn from the book is:

Opened a shop on Cherry Street

Opened factory

Chocolate Palace

Spies

Factory Closes

And we saw all of that in the 2005 version. It’s told via exposition in the 71’ film, even though some of the stories were left out all together. So… the screenwriter will be left to either

a) stretch out what was from the book  

or

b) completely throw out his original story

I don’t really want to know where Wonka gets his top hat from or how he gets his loans to build his candy empire. This is again where my main problem lies. I am very nervous that they will make Wonka a very boring, typical, heteronormative character to appeal broad audiences. Willy Wonka has become such an icon because his full backstory is up for grabs. They could surprise us and not give Wonka a love interest at all, in line with the book and both movie adaptations. But, the most common trope of prequels is to introduce a love interest, but this does not align with Willy’s future of becoming a recluse and hiding out in his factory. So much of the Wonka character is who he is because of his isolation from humanity. Maybe I’m being overly picky, but I’m very defensive about Willy Wonka as a character. I believe there is only so much you can do with him that still stays true to him in the book. 

And it all comes down to who will play the candyman himself.

I am not a big fan of either Holland or Chalamet reportedly being in the runnings. If we are doing a new version, I want someone completely unknown. I want a fresh new face for Willy Wonka. Don’t get me wrong, I think that both of these men are fine actors, I just do not think they would be right for the part. Most likely, ⅓ of the movie will be with a child actor, as we watch a very young Wonka and then transition to the actor who will play Wonka for the rest of the movie. I just want a brand new actor to grace the face of a young Wonka. I can think of some older, adult actors who would be good as Wonka such as Taika Waititi, Oscar Isaac and Bryan Cranston (don’t @ me, I have my reasons lol). But, I honest to goodness cannot think of any young actors right now who could be the not yet reclusive candyman. Since Tom and Timothee are just rumors, I take it with a grain of salt, especially Tom because he has contractual agreements with Marvel and his schedule might not allow for it. 

But besides the issue of casting, we simply cannot ignore that this could possibly be erasure of both movies, the 2005 one specifically. Because the story of CATCF has been around for over 60 years now, it’s embedded into our consciousness and culture. While the story is known, everyone loves a different Wonka, whether it be Wilder or Depp. Wilder Wonka has the advantage of being around for over 50 years now versus Depp’s 16. Due to the 2005 version still being fairly recent, all things considered, it is in danger of being erased from the public eye even more than it already has been. And that is very apparent by the Wilder vs. Depp arguments that have risen again since the announcement of the prequel. Those arguments are silly since everyone has the right to an opinion, but it also shows the really nasty side to a fandom. With the arrival of a prequel movie, I think the fandom will be split even further. Depp’s version will be ostracized more. Wilder’s could see a surge in praise, if the prequel is terrible because it has the advantage of being older and more widely accepted. It angers me, just because CATCF 2005 is so hated upon, for many times no good reason other than “iT’s nOt thE oRiGinAL.” 

A prequel could serve to burn every bridge connected to 2005 and leave the fandom in the dust, with no new material to be released such as anniversary editions, box sets or a 4K blu-ray remaster, which we so desperately want.  Or it could be what we see currently on social media with younger generations discovering a new version. Both Wilder and Depp could be erased and new generations could see this new Wonka as the only Wonka. That’s a scary thought. No matter which version you prefer, I would hate to see a fandom be completely obliterated by the prequel or taken over by influencers. (no hate to influencers, but sometimes they can do some damage without knowing it.)

Overall, I do think this movie will get stuck in development hell. They announced the development of this prequel in 2016 and only now in 2021 do we get a release date. I think that Warner Bros. is desperately grasping at strings. Upon seeing the general negativity following the announcement, they could be thinking twice. But, I believe this movie won’t be made. It’s a difficult story to tell and the main character has spanned generations of people. Also, with the increasing awareness regarding Roald Dahl’s anti-semetic comments and the ongoing pandemic, they could ultimately decide to shelf the film. Which is what I genuinely hope happens.

[recipeforme]

C17: A Show About Death

Book: A Good Kid

I burst into Virgil’s room with excitement “Virgil!” I cried.

VIrgil let out a startled yelp and fell out of his desk chair. “Gosh Pat,” he groaned as he sat up “did you have to yell?”

“Sorry!” I said as I quickly helped him up. “I’m just really excited.”

“Yeah… Me too.”

Looking over my foster brother I frowned “Virgil, why aren’t you wearing the onesie I got you?” Then a thought occurred to me “do you not like it?”

“No no I do!” Virgil assured me “I just want to make sure… are you sure that you want me to but in on your movie night?”

“Of course!” I said “you are part of the group now and we want you to join us.”

Virgil gave me a small smile at that “okay, I’ll be there in a few minutes. I just need to change super quick.

Grabbing the clothing item from his bed and slipped into the bathroom, when he came out Virgil was wearing the skeleton onesie I had gotten for him.

I smiled “you look great V!”

Virgil gave me a small smile “thanks.”

-------

Patton and I headed down to the living room, Logan and Roman were already sitting on the couch. Roman was wearing his Beauty and the Beastonesie and Logan was wearing his unicorn onesie.

“Right then” Patton said, as we sat down on the couch. Pulling up the hood of his cat onesie “since this is Virgil’s first movie night with us he gets to pick the movie.”

“So, what movie do you want to watch Virgil?” Logan asked.

I paused, thinking it over before I smirked “Beetlejuice.”

“Like… the musical?” Roman asked “I mean, I’m sure I can find a bootleg of it somewhere.”

I shock my head “no, I’m talking about the 1988 Tim Burton movie.”

“Ah! You mean the movie that the musical was based on.” Roman turned to Patton “do you have it?”

“Let me check” Patton went over to the cupboard that held the DVDs and began to sort through them “yup! It’s right here.”

“Sweet.” I grinned as Patton got it set up “I’ve always wanted to see this movie.”

“Have you listened to the musical’s soundtrack?” Roman asked.

“Of course.” I said “it’s amazing.”

After that Roman and I started talking about our favorite musicals. Roman like just about every musical there was, I’m more of a fan of musicals with darker themes. Like Heathers, Beeltejucie, and Bat Boy.

-------

Around an hour and a half later the credits began to roll and I turned to Patton. “So, what did you think?”

Patton shrugged, I could tell he was a bit horrified by some of the more darker parts “it was okay.”

I turned to Logan next “it was definitely interesting.”

“I liked it!” Roman declared “you can see the similarities between both the movie and the musical.”

“Yes,” Logan agreed “I was doing some reading on the musical when it first came out and that is one thing that the creators tried to do. They wanted the two to be similar but not the same.”

“I like the costumes” Patton piped up “and the Matildas seemed nice.”

We all spent maybe another half an hour talking and discussing how the movie compared to the musical. They would have talked longer if Thomas didn’t come back downstairs and send Logan and Roman home. Once they were gone Patton and I headed upstairs to get ready for bed.

I changed out of my onesie and into my pajamas and slipped into the bathroom to brush my teeth. Patton was already in there for the same thing.

“So what did you think of movie night?” Patton asked.

As I rinsed out my mouth I thought it over. I had to admit that as crazy and weird as it was, movie night was a lot of fun. I really hope that I would be able to stay long enough to join in on next month’s movie night.

“It was a lot of fun,” I said, “thanks for inviting me.”

“Of course!” Patton smiled “you're part of the group now.”

I stood there in shock as Patton finished up and left the bathroom before I could say anything. Never in a million years did I think I would actually gain a group of friends, especially after I was put in the system and forced to leave Remy. In all my past homes I never tried to get close to anyone, it hadn’t been until I started seeing Dr. Picani that I realized that I was too scared to get close to anyone after Janus.

I feel like if it was with anyone else I would be scared at this newfound friendship with Patton, Roman, and Logan. But I found that I didn’t really mind, in fact… I’m starting to enjoy it.

[veilingofthesun]

Quarantine tags!

I was tagged by the lovely @starlene to answer these tag games. it took me a while, but I really enjoyed them. It took my mind of other things for quite some time. So thanks a lot for tagging me!:)

Music list tag game

Rules: list ten songs you’ve been listening to recently.

In no particular order:

Carry you - Missy Higgins

You learn to live without - If/Then cast recording

Use well the days - Annie Lennox

My House - Matilda the musical cast recording

Wear it like a crown - Rebekka Karijord

En sång till livet - Så som i himmelen cast recording

Stay Gold - First Aid Kit

En stund på jorden - Laleh

Gold - Once soundtrack

That I would be good - Jagged little pill cast recording

Quarantine Tag Game

Are you staying home from school/work? No, here in Sweden not everyone has to work from home. If you can, you’re advised to work from home. But my job can’t really be done from home..

If you’re staying home, who is there with you? -

Are you a homebody? Yes, definitely. I’m an introvert and and I need my space and and time to just be at home. So this quarantine thing feels kind of surreal to me. For starters, we’re not in lockdown here, so I’m not restricted in the same way that a lot of other people are. Since I’m going to work as usual (except for some schedule changes) my days feel very much as they did before this pandemic. I get up, go to work, come home, do almost the same things as I did before.... I don’t go to stores, cafes or the cinerma at the moment though. The things that I was really looking forward to and love to do (travelling to different cities and see musicals) I can’t do...

An event that you were looking forward that got cancelled? It’s kind of hard for me to write about this, because I’m getting upset just by writing about this. It’s been a long and rough winter and the things that kept me going and gave me something to look forward to was going away with my sister on our musical trips (it’s my favourite thing to do) I’m missing out on both Groundhog day and Next to Normal. N2N pains me the most. I’ve never seen a production of N2N before and I’ve been patiently waiting for many years now. N2N means so much to me (More than I can ever explain) When I found out that they were doing it and with Helen Sjöholm (my dream Diana for years) I was so excited and happy. After seeing bits of rehearsals, pro pics, the trailer and hearing what people thought, my excitement just grew...  I’m trying to stay positive and hope that they might bring it back. But the realistic side of me knows that they can’t just pick up where they left and keep going. But the cast wants to do it again, and Uppsala Stadsteater has said that they’re looking into putting it up again in the future, so I’m allowing myself a slight hope... Wermland Opera won’t be bringing GHD back, so I just have to hope that another theatre will put it up some time.

What movies have you watched recently? And then we danced (A Swedish/Georgian movie) and Little women were the last two movies I watched in the cinema. I loved them both and I can really recommend them. I know that Little Women is easy accessible, but if you manage to find And then we danced, definitely give it try. It’s a beautiful and touching movie in so many ways. Most recently I watched an Icelandic movie called Woman at war (I try to broaden my movie watching horizons) It’s a very special movie (kind of hard to explain) but I really enjoyed it. Very well acted, both dramatic, funny and smart.

What shows are you watching? I’m rewatching Good Omens (it’s based on one of my favourite books and a TV show has been a long time coming) I love it so much, it captures the feel of the book and the characters perfectly. It makes me happy and makes me laugh. I’m also watching season 2 of the British show The Split. It’s a female driven show about family, sisterhood and a family law firm. The feel of it is very different from other law shows, because the focus is on family law. I also love how it’s written and the very different, very well written interesting female characters. Plus Nicola Walker is just amazing.

What music are you listening to? See above. Also, a certain audio that a very kind person sent me...

What are you reading? I’ve just finished reading Kindred by Octavia. E. Butler. It’s definitely a new favourite of mine, I love the way she writes. I didn’t want to put the book down and read it almost in one go. I love when I find books like that. At the moment I’m reading The wit and wisdom of Discworld by Terry Pratchett and Stephen Briggs. . Or not really reading, more flickering through and reading bits and pieces.( ( I needed to digest Kindred properly before starting on a new book) It’s filled with quotes and pieces from the Discworld books. Terry Pratchett has a quote for everything.

What are you doing for self-care? Hmm, well I walk and bike almost everyday since it’s part of my route to and from work, so I get some fresh air. During the weekend I try (I don’t always succeed, sometimes I just can’t make myself go for a walk) to go for a longer walk. It usually helps to go somewhere else and see something else. I’ll make it a mini trip and bring something to eat. It doesn’t happen every weekend though.. What else? Reading is self care to me. It’s very important to me, it calms me and gives my brain a break. Also working on @musicals-in-sweden is a kind of self care for me..

Nameless tag game

Top 3 Ships: Hmmm, this is a hard question... I don’t ship characters as much as I used to... I don’t really know why. Plus I find it hard to rank them so this isn’t really a top three...  I’ve always had a soft spot for Natalie and Henry from N2N, so they’ll be on my list. Who else? I think I’ll go with Miss Honey and Mrs Phelps from Malmö Operas production of Matilda the Musical. I know that a lot of people ship Miss Honey and Mrs Phelps based on the musical, and I see why. But for me, it didn’t happen until I saw the Swedish production. Their chemistry and the way they acted together and opposite each other was so special. (It was probably the fact that they had some added lines and that their relationship and admiration for each other played a bigger part in this production that did it for me and of course the actresses beautiful and very natural chemistry) Then there’s the If/Then couples (Elizabeth/Josh, Kate/Anne and Lucas/David) but since I love them all, I can’t possible pick one to be in the list and let the others go, so they’re all staying.

Last Song: Hope from the Groundhog Day cast recording. There’s something very special about that song and it seems fitting at the moment. I just love the way Tim Minchin writes.

Last Movie: Since I answered the movie question above I have seen Lost Girls.

Reading: I’ve kind of already answered this, but I’m thinking of rereading Good Omens next, since today is it’s 30th anniversary... I’m about to order a batch of books from my favourite book store since I won’t be able to travel to any of the cities it’s located in for a while. They have a lot of new releases and new parts of series that I’m interested in.

Three Random Things that Make Me Happy: That spring is finally here and the lovely warm, sunny days we’ve had in april, First Aid Kit’s live streamed livingroom concerts and that Cirkus Cirkör (A Swedish new circus company)is streaming a recording of their 2010 production Wear it like a crown. It was the first Cirkus Cirkör production I saw and I was blown away. I’ve been wanting to experience it again ever since. I’m happy to say it was as magical as I remembered it.

I’m tagging @amaliatheartist @mrs-tap-toes @miyacantdecide @thecitykeepsevolving to answer as many of these as you can/want.

[notquiteaghost]

capable of coming out alive

the magnus archives, gen / jon&daisy, 1.4k, on today’s episode of Jonathan Sims’ Failing Mental Health: dissociation!

AO3 link in notes

“Jon?”

“Jon?”

“Jon. Jon.”

The Archivist’s office is a quiet, dark space. Bookshelf, chair, desk, boxes. No natural light. No external noise.

“Jon, Jesus Christ–”

Blonde woman, short hair, dark clothes, scowling, scar across eyebrow from a ring on a fist, speaking. Speaking? Shaking, hand, cold palm, still always cold palms, steady, Daisy. Alice? Daisy.

Coffin, crawling, too close can’t breathe trapped trapped my eyes shut and the sound filled my ears–

“Jon I swear to God.”

Shoulder, shaking. Hands shaking shoulder. Daisy’s hand, Archivist’s shoulder, Archivist’s body. Jon’s body.

Jon blinks.

“Daisy?”

She looks– frantic. Worried? Her hand is still on his shoulder and she’s staring at him and her forehead is all lines.

“Did you. What?”

“You weren’t responding,” Daisy says. Her voice isn’t soft, but it isn’t harsh. “I just wondered if you wanted anything from the chippy but you didn’t react at all, you weren’t even blinking. What was that?”

Dissociation is any of a wide array of experiences from mild detachment from immediate surroundings to more severe detachment from physical and emotional experiences.

Depersonalisation refers to the experience of feeling detached from, and as if one is an outside observer of, one’s mental processes, body, or actions. Derealisation refers to the experience of feeling detached from, and as if one is an outside observer of, one’s surroundings.

“I, um. I.” Jon’s hand flaps once, twice. “I– Martin– it’s. When.” Flap, flap, flap.

Martin is two floors up and an indeterminable number of meters to the west and distant, removed, absent and Daisy doesn’t know BSL and Daisy wasn’t nearly killed by Prentiss and Tim is dead Sasha is dead Martin is unreachable there aren’t any words just static

Jon’s hands still flapping one shaping gone gone gone Daisy frowning Jon’s eyes drawn again to pile of statements tape recorder clicks hums static gone gone gone

“–Jon, I need you to focus. Listen to me, Jon, listen to my voice, focus on me. Just on me, nothing else, did I ever tell you Basira took me on a date to an ice rink once? Worst idea, neither of us have the balance for it. I fell over every time I let go of the side. Took weeks for the bruises to heal.”

“The first time she kissed you,” Jon’s mouth says.

Daisy’s mouth corners turn up, momentarily. “Yeah. Then we fell over again.”

Another tape recorder click. Jon’s lungs expand, contract, expand. Daisy is wearing her coat. Someone in Research is listening to Perfect Neglect In A Field Of Statues.

“You done spacing out on me?” Daisy asks. Jon nods.

“You want anything from the chippy?” Daisy asks. Jon nods.

“You okay to leave?” Daisy asks. Jon nods.

Daisy nods back, places her hand on Jon’s arm, walks outside. The chippy is a ten-minute walk. The sun is shining. Daisy hums Radiohead and keeps her grip on Jon’s arm loose but firm. The chippy isn’t busy. The man behind the counter has worked there for six years. Daisy pays in cash, gets the food wrapped in a bag. The bag is warm.

By the time they walk back into the Archives, Jon feels almost like a person again.

Daisy guides him to sit, puts his portion of chips and can of Coke in front of him, sits down next to him with her own cod and chips. Melanie takes her burger and chips back to her desk and does ungodly things with vinegar and mustard. Frankie in Research is still listening to Eluvium.

When Jon is over halfway through his food, Daisy breaks the silence.

“Does that happen a lot?”

“It’s not…” Jon goes to run a hand through his hair, but his hands are covered in chip grease. “It’s not a Beholding thing. Or, not just a Beholding thing. Do you know what dissociation is?”

“Spacing out, yeah?”

“Yes and no. It’s– being disconnected? Feeling unreal, like you’re dreaming, or watching yourself from far away. It’s a trauma response, and,” Jon quirks his lips wryly, “my trauma significantly predates my employment in the Archives.”

Daisy nods. Melanie’s turned to face them, but doesn’t speak.

“It used to come on, though, like a panic attack. Now it’s just, constant.”

“What helps?”

Jon huffs a rough approximation of a laugh. “Good question.”

Daisy frowns at him – just like Martin would frown at him, concern laced with frustration, and it stings. Martin is two floors away. Martin is so far away.

“There must be something,” Daisy says.

“Adrenaline?” That’s one of the worst things, how real danger is. The only times he wants to check out are the only times he’s truly grounded. “Nicotine, sometimes. Tea used to, but I think my caffeine tolerance is too high now.”

It’s strange, being reminded this isn’t how everyone lives. That most people see this as a problem to be solved, not just how the world works. He knows it was better, once – the sound of his voice would turn jarring mid-sentence, he’d lose hours to fog, his reflection would be off for days, but it would pass.

It doesn’t pass now.

“Grounding exercises?” Melanie asks. She’s got her phone out.

Jon, abruptly, wants to scream. It’s good, of course, that they care – except it isn’t, it’s his fault they’re here, he’s a monster, he doesn’t deserve their concern or their care-taking – but he’s already had this conversation.

Martin’s hand on his back. Georgie’s hand in his hair. You don’t have to live like this, you idiot, let me help. So adamant he wasn’t a burden, would never be a burden, and, ha.

“I can’t– I–” He wants to scream. He stands, turns to the door, turns back, pulls at his hair. “I can’t, I can’t.”

This wants to be a meltdown. Would be, if he had the energy. If he wasn’t running on fumes, ricocheting between floating three feet to the left of himself and hypervigilant over-awareness.

Daisy is stood in front of him, a hand on his arm. A necklace hanging over her shirt, thin silver chain, small silver pendant shaped like a fox, gift from Basira. Her other hand on his other arm, holding him in place. Holding him together. He wants to hit something – she recognises the feeling.

“Hey,” she says, soft, “it’s fine, calm down. It’s just us.”

He nods, jerkily, and she moves one hand to his chest. Lifts it ever so slightly, until he inhales to close the gap, then back down, up, down, until his breathing evens out.

“Tomorrow,” Melanie says, from where she’s still leant against her own desk, “we’re talking about grounding exercises. I can bring alcohol, if you want.”

“Alcohol makes it worse.”

“Fair enough. Chocolate, then.”

“The cheap kind. Own-brand.”

Melanie raises an eyebrow. “You telling me you prefer 35p chocolate?”

“Name brand is too rich.”

“You, Jon Sims, are a right weirdo,” Melanie says, but there’s a grin in her voice.

“I rather thought we knew that already.”

“Don’t think you’ve much of a leg to stand on,” Daisy adds. “I’ve seen what you do to beans.”

“We’re not talking about our food crimes, we’re talking about Jon’s failing mental health–”

“No, I think I’d like to hear what you do to beans.”

“Avoiding your problems isn’t healthy, Jon, you need to confront these things head on.”

“I just agreed to let you make a five-step plan of What To Do When Your Archivist Has Gone To Space.”

“I don’t remember hearing you agree. You just said some terrible things about chocolate.”

Daisy has moved back to her own desk, and is flicking her gaze between them like she’s at a tennis match.

“Dairy Milk is two pounds and it’s the chocolate equivalent of the cinnamon challenge–”

“Your taste buds are defective. Were you force-fed an entire chocolate cake by Mrs. Trunchbull as a child? Is that your pre-existing trauma?”

“Yes, Melanie, that’s exactly it. I can also move objects with my mind.”

“…Okay, I am not done with your sinful opinions, but. Matilda – avatar of the Beholding?”

Daisy laughs, while Jon groans. “We are not getting into this again.”

“Look, I was making a perfectly reasonable point–”

“You were waving a knife at me!”

“I was pointing at you, for emphasis, and I just happened to be holding a knife!”

“Why! Why did you even have a knife!”

“I don’t talk shit about your pet tape recorders, you leave my knives alone.”

Jon throws his hands in the air. Daisy is still laughing at them. Melanie smirks, triumphantly. Jon throws a chip fork at her.

[stranger-awakening]

You love musicals more than anyone I know. Drop your favorites, friendo 👏

Ok, so I made a definitive list of my top 10 (which is limited to stuff that I’ve seen obviously so if there’s something not on there that’s like Really Good then I probably haven’t seen it rip)

1. Spring Awakening - I don’t think I need to justify this. I’ve had SA references on my social media since I was in high school. I would lay down my life for these kids. Hannah, you know that better than anyone fghksfa 

2. Les Miserables - The musical that really got me into musicals! I feel like every person that loves theatre also loves this one and it deserves it

3. Billy Elliot - Words can’t express how much this story means to me. 10/10 I cry everytime. I wasn’t born a queer socialist, I saw Billy Elliot when I was like nine and it made me who I am (No but for real, this was the first musical I saw and I can’t forget that feeling) 

4. Next to Normal - Just ... oof. I haven’t listened to this one in a while because it makes me very sad, but I’ve been meaning to. It hits. I still get ‘Catch Me I’m Falling’ stuck in my head sometimes and it Hurts.

5. Rent - This one changed me when I watched it for the first time. La Vie Boheme is literally iconic. Mark is my boy. Learning about Jonathan also changed me :( 

6. Groundhog Day - This one just makes me so happy by the end!! It was taken from us too soon. I miss it. There’s not enough musicals that make you feel every human emotion but leave you with hope at the end

7. Bare - I haven’t listened to this one in a while either but I used to watch it a lot in high school and cry and it’s always stuck with me. I know Bare: The Musical is like bastardised or whatever but I haven’t seen it’s predecessor. I will always assocaite Taylor Trensch with Peter and beanies because of it

8. Hamilton - Listen, I think about ‘Wait For It’ all the time. I know it got cringey for a bit when it popped off but shit slaps

9. Newsies - Thinking about all the dance breaks. Dance musicals are very good. Also I love Katherine so much. I wish I could sing so I could cover ‘Watch What Happens’ lmao

10. Anastasia - This is here mainly because I fixated on it last year which meant that it shared my Spotify Top 100 with the SA cast recording fgshaf. Also I love Dmitry. 

Honorary mentions:

The Band’s Visit - It’s very special. Not sure how else to describe it. Just a very wonderful, unique piece of theatre. 

Matilda - Tim Michin’s mind good.

Once on this Island - I can’t listen to this one cause it makes me sad but the Broadway revival went off.

Aladdin - Low key my fave Disney musical??? I mean I know I put Newsies on the real list but that one seems to sit on its own. Anyways, ‘Proud of Your Boy’ and ‘These Palace Walls’ are iconic and I always get ‘High Adventure’ stuck in my head of its own accord.

[alwaysahiccupandastrid]

I'm honestly really happy to know another person on this site is a big fan of CatCF, thought I would be the only one! Also, I keep imagining an CatCF AU for HTTYD (Astrid really strikes me as someone like Violet, and Hiccstrid would be... interesting considering lol), and was wondering what you think of such a thing?

Hi! Oh my gosh, yes, I am! Obviously I’ve read Dahl’s book - I’ve read a lot of Dahl’s books, in fact, and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is one of my favourites. I’m not sure if you mean a fan of the 1971 film, a fan of the 2005 film, of the book, or the musical, or even in general, but still!

I think I saw Tim Burton’s film first, when I was seven and a half; I remember vividly going to the cinema with my mum to watch it and I remember having chocolate M&Ms (a weird detail, I know!)... I also remember that there was an advert for Corpse Bride before the film, which is also a random detail but kind of funny because it ended up being one of my favourite Burton films less than two years later! But yeah, it’s funny that I remember watching it so vividly with my mum in the cinema, like I even remember my mum telling me she had a little crush on Johnny Depp (not in this movie, she argues, but as Jack Sparrow?) but I think 7 year old me was kind of secretly in love with Freddie Highmore’s Charlie XD He was in all of the films I watched as a kid, so there’s that. I have such great memories of watching that film - it resonated with me more than the older version, at least, but I suppose it’s down to opinion.

I’m pretty sure I watched the film first because the copy of the book I own is a movie tie-in one with photos from the 2005 movie - it’s one of like two Roald Dahl books I still have, I think, but that might be because I used to borrow books from the library instead of buying them sometimes. Now I’m older, and I’ve also seen the behind the scenes of the CATCF movie, I’ve got a whole new appreciation for it because they clearly tried to make it closer to the book and to do something that was a perfect blend of both Dahl and Burton’s visions; Roald’s second wife (who he was married to until his death) was also a producer on Burton’s adaptation, as well as on the 1996 Matilda adaptation, and she made it clear in interviews that she thinks that Roald would have liked Burton’s version better (because he HATED the 1971 version), plus she also had some input on the film and I’m assuming she’d know what her late husband would have wanted done with his work. I won’t keep rambling about the production stuff, the sets, etc etc, but after seeing the behind-the-scenes I grew to love it more!

Ooh, that would be an interesting AU! I can definitely see Astrid being kind of like Violet in that she’s competitive too, having her eye on the prize...my first thought was “is Hiccup Charlie in this AU?” because he’s clearly clever, inventive (which would be a good quality for a chocolate maker), etc. But then Mike is pretty smart too, in a way, though I’m not sure I could see Hiccup being quite as...aggressive as Mike? I suppose I could kind of see Ruffnut as Veruca in a way...? Fishlegs could be a way nicer and more intelligent version of Augustus who doesn’t get sucked up the pipe too? So much to consider!

It’d be a hell of an interesting AU to consider!

[antialiasis]

Matilda

Matilda was one of my favorite books when I was little. I got it as a present, with a cover based on the 1996 movie, and immediately decided it looked stupid and I wasn't going to read it. Then one day I was sick with nothing to do, and I reluctantly reached for this book that I hadn't read yet, and whoops I loved it. (This was also my reaction to the first Harry Potter book, and to the Pokémon games. My actual tastes were not a great match for my stubborn contrarianness.)

So when I heard Tim Minchin was writing the songs for a musical based on the book, I thought that sounded pretty cool. I'm not sure I actually went and listened to the soundtrack until after I'd gotten into Groundhog Day, though. Either way, once I did a couple years back, the changes it implied from the book fascinated me, and I dug up my copy of the book and reread it. Later, I went on to see the musical in London, then the Icelandic production of it earlier this month, and finally the other day we watched the 1996 movie adaptation, the one piece missing from my Matilda experience before I could write a lengthy Tumblr ramble about this book and its adaptations, as one does.

It never occurred to me reading it as a child, but from an adult's perspective, and a writing perspective, I have a strong suspicion that it was written on the fly - that Roald Dahl did not know what would happen later when he was writing the earlier parts, and the draft was only minimally edited from there. I actually think that's kind of neat - it provides something of a raw window into the author's process. But it does lead to the book having some noticeable flaws that the adaptations try to fix.

Structurally, Matilda the book is split into distinct sections. It starts with a bit of an intro where the narrator vents their frustration with the way that parents are annoyingly convinced their children are perfect, adorable angels, even when they're actually total little shits - complete with hypothetical acidic reports with colorful metaphors that they'd love to give some children's parents if only they could. It's funny, and educational (this is where I first learned about cicadas), but undeniably kind of mean-spirited, and has very little to do with the rest of the book - from there, we just segue to introducing Matilda, the very opposite of these children, who is genuinely brilliant and delightful but treated with contempt and derision by her deeply unpleasant parents. She's left to fend for herself a lot of the time and becomes very independent, and she begins to visit the library to read books, starting with finishing all of the children's books and moving on from there, with the help of a kind librarian, to an extensive list of literary classics.

Here we start the first major section of the book, Matilda's efforts to strike back at her parents when they wrong her. For several chapters, we follow the Wormwoods (well, mostly Mr. Wormwood) being awful and abusive, followed by Matilda thinking up a prank to play in retaliation - the iconic superglue in the hat and bleach in the hair tonic, plus one involving borrowing a neighbor kid's parrot and stuffing its cage into a chimney that both adaptations leave out, probably wisely. Roald Dahl loves thinking up pranks and karmic punishments - this is a recurring theme in his children's books - and basically all of this section is extremely him, but doesn't have much of a sense of progression to it and isn't leading towards much of anything.

Then, we're quite abruptly off to the next section, where Matilda goes to school. She's enrolled in Miss Honey's class, Miss Honey recognizes her talents, and we follow Miss Honey's unsuccessful attempts to convince first Miss Trunchbull and then Matilda's parents that she should be moved straight up into sixth grade. Then we get back to full Roald Dahl form as for several chapters we see/learn about the various outrageous ways that Miss Trunchbull abuses students - Chokey, the hammer-throwing, the iconic Bruce Bogtrotter cake scene, lifting a boy by the ears, etc. - and how the students have tried to fight back. ...And then, as Matilda is being unfairly accused of something she didn't do, she tips over a glass with her eyes.

The story takes a sudden swerve away from being a series of inventive over-the-top pranks and punishments. Matilda confides in Miss Honey about her newly-discovered telekinetic powers, proves them to her by tipping the glass again, and comes with her to her house - which is a tiny cottage. Miss Honey reveals that she grew up with a horrifically abusive aunt after the death of her mother and later her father's suspicious apparent suicide, and that the aunt commandeers her wages, and that the aunt is Miss Trunchbull. We're the vast majority of the way through the book now and it just suddenly got real. Matilda formulates a plan; she painstakingly practices using her powers at home until she can levitate and precisely control one of her father's cigars telekinetically; and the next time Miss Trunchbull teaches their class, in the middle of her abusing the children further, Matilda telekinetically uses some chalk to write a threatening message from Miss Honey's late father on the blackboard, and Miss Trunchbull faints on the spot and is taken to the infirmary.

The next day, Miss Trunchbull gets out of town, and Miss Honey's father's will turns up unexpectedly, allowing Miss Honey to move back into her family's house. Matilda becomes a frequent guest, and reveals one day that she's no longer able to use her powers - which Miss Honey suggests might be because she's finally getting the mental stimulation that she needs. When Matilda heads home that day, though, her parents are in the process of packing everything for a move to Spain. When Matilda returns to Miss Honey, upset, Miss Honey reveals that it was well known her father was in with some shady people, selling stolen cars from all over the country, and they're probably moving to escape the police. Then they run back, Matilda asks her parents to please let her stay with Miss Honey, and they basically go "Whatever" and leave, leaving Matilda and Miss Honey to finally have found a loving family with each other.

It's a fantastic story and I love it, but there are definitely some noticeable oddities in how it plays out, likely thanks to being written on the fly, and the adaptations take a couple of different approaches to addressing these things.

First, structurally it's weird how long we spend on Matilda's library adventures and then the prank war with her parents, when the main plot turns out to revolve entirely around what happens at the school, and specifically the increasingly terrifying Miss Trunchbull, with the early stuff almost entirely irrelevant. In my Icelandic copy, we're a hundred pages in (out of 240) before we even properly begin to hear about Miss Trunchbull's atrocities. We learn late in the book that Miss Trunchbull is Miss Honey's aunt, who abused and terrorized her to the point where she meekly agreed to let Miss Trunchbull receive all her wages and leave her with pocket change - but in the early scene where Miss Honey goes to see Miss Trunchbull, it jarringly doesn't read like she's confronting someone with that sort of control over her: Miss Honey is stated to be kind of terrified of her, but it only sounds like it's in the way that anyone would be terrified of a person like this, and she's perfectly willing to argue with and object to her until she gives up, seemingly just because Miss Trunchbull is completely unreasonable and refuses to listen. Matilda's telekinetic powers come out of nowhere two thirds into the book, with nothing foreshadowing them even in hindsight; Miss Honey's explanation of the powers as having come about simply because Matilda wasn't using enough of her brain rang false and annoyed me even as a child, when her discovery of her powers had seemingly arisen specifically out of this intense justified rage at this person who was such an awful, despicable monster; and after Matilda's father had in the first half of the book been portrayed merely as a sleazy used car salesman who sells his cars as newer than they actually are, the sudden revelation a couple of pages before the end that actually he was involved with organized crime this whole time is quite jarring and feels distinctly pulled out to get rid of Matilda's awful parents for good and let her live with Miss Honey as they both so clearly deserve (and don’t get me wrong, that’s so satisfying that it’s hard to care that it took a weird asspull for it to happen).

The 1996 movie is really quite faithful to the book, more so than I expected, but makes some reasonable modifications. Some of the early stuff about Matilda's reading and so on gets told nicely in the form of montages, it cuts the parrot prank, and instead Matilda at one point remotely shuts off the TV after being forced to sit down and watch it - foreshadowing her telekinetic abilities early. There's also a scene at a restaurant that reads as simply wacky comedy logic as it's happening but is probably also foreshadowing her telekinesis, in hindsight. The cops are after Matilda's dad from the start, with scenes added where the cops are watching their house, trying to gather information, and one where Matilda, now in control of her powers, sabotages their warrantless search of the garage and sends them fleeing. The discovery of Matilda's telekinesis and Miss Honey's backstory happens significantly earlier in the runtime, relatively speaking; a subplot is added about Matilda and Miss Honey trying to retrieve some of Miss Honey's possessions from Miss Trunchbull's house following this, and Matilda then using her powers to scare Trunchbull in her house, setting up her belief that the ghost of Miss Honey's father is haunting her. Matilda's powers, which are considerably more potent than in the book, don't disappear at the end at all - but they're also clearly established as being linked to her sense of justice, with her needing to tap into that feeling specifically to activate them. The theme of her sense of justice is emphasized in general and works pretty well to tie the story together - a scene early on where her father offhandedly says "When a person is bad, that person has to be taught a lesson!" inspires her retaliation against her parents and then subsequently Trunchbull. And there's a really cute montage at the end where Matilda and Miss Honey goof around together and it's great because they're both basically getting to be children for the first time. Trunchbull is also more extensively humiliated before she bolts (in the book she only faints and a student dumps some water on her "to wake her up", but her real punishment is the conviction that she will be watched for the rest of her life by the vengeful ghost of the man she murdered, which I think is plenty, honestly). The tone of the film is largely pretty silly and goofy, similar to the tone of most of the book; the plummeting darkness of Miss Honey's story in the book is toned down, though we do learn in the movie that Trunchbull broke Miss Honey's arm when she was seven years old, so it’s not as if she gets off easy either.

The musical, on the other hand, has its own approach and takes more interesting liberties with the story; it allows itself more tonal range, ranging from extremely silly and over-the-top to some truly heartwrenching emotional moments, which I think may be easier to pull off in a musical than a regular movie.

The first time I listened to the musical soundtrack, I heard the first song, "Miracle", and realized that - oh, wow, they adapted the intro. In the opening number, spoiled, untalented children sing proudly of how their parents call them miracles and princes and princesses, while a hapless children's entertainer takes on the role of the book's narrator:

One can hardly move for beauty and brilliance these days It seems like there are millions of these one-in-a-millions these days Specialness seems de rigeur Above average is average, go figure Is it some modern miracle of calculus that such frequent miracles don't render each one unmiraculous?

Tim Minchin absolutely read the first chapter of the book and just straight-up adapted that irritated musing on how somehow every parent thinks their children are extraordinary into a song, and I love it.

What's even cooler about this, though, is that the musical actually goes on to deconstruct the mean-spiritedness of that intro. The children in this song are the same children who will end up being Matilda's classmates - where they're made likeable and sympathetic. Their parents may have pampered them, but they're just kids who don't deserve Trunchbull's abuses, and in the end they're brave and stand up for each other, in a Spartacus-like scene where every child stands up to deliberately misspell a word to force Trunchbull to punish them as well as the student who'd failed her spelling test. In "Revolting Children", their triumphant victory song after chasing Trunchbull away, we actually explicitly call back to "Miracle" and turn its cynically parodesque opening line into an empowering affirmation:

Never again will the Chokey door slam Never again will I be bullied and Never again will I doubt it when my mummy says I'm a miracle!

It's great and I think this is one of my favorite things in Matilda the musical. Maybe these children weren't as inherently special as their parents were convinced they were, but they aren't just props in Matilda's story; they're pretty cool in their own right, and maybe they actually deserve to be called miracles.

The musical's solution to the Wormwoods' sudden move to Spain is to set up throughout the show that Mr. Wormwood is specifically trying to sell a bunch of cars to these particular Russians that he's swindling, and at the end the Russians turn out to be gangsters, who are all set to beat him to a pulp when Matilda impresses them by speaking perfect Russian and pleading for her father's freedom (well, saying that she's had enough of revenge) - leading to the Russians threatening Mr. Wormwood, and thus to the Wormwoods leaving to get away somewhere they'll never encounter them again. It's a pretty funny scene, and just by making Mr. Wormwood's customers throughout the story all be this same group of Russians, it becomes clear to the viewer that they're going to come back in some way, making it all work out pretty satisfyingly.

In the musical, Trunchbull being Miss Honey's abusive aunt is absolutely telegraphed. Miss Honey's first solo song is "Pathetic", where she brutally berates herself for the sheer panic she's feeling at the thought of facing Miss Trunchbull:

Look at you trying to hide, silly Standing outside the principal's office like a little girl, it's just pathetic!

Look at you hesitating, hands shaking You should be embarrassed You're not a little girl, it's just pathetic!

Not only is she clearly terrified out of her wits about this - she's clearly a victim of emotional abuse, someone who's been told over and over that she's pathetic. It's not obvious it's Miss Trunchbull herself, of course - that'd give the game away - but in hindsight you can clearly see it, in a way you couldn't in the book, and it's heartbreaking. Miss Honey also has a bit later in the song “When I Grow Up”, echoing some lines originally sung by the children, but they take on a new meaning when you know what the creature beneath her bed actually is:

When I grow up I will be brave enough to fight the creatures that you have to fight beneath the bed each night to be a grown-up

The first time I listened to the Matilda soundtrack (the original London version, nota bene), I noticed this better setup of Miss Honey’s past, and that was the first thing to make me really interested in how this adaptation was done - and then "I'm Here" started, and it just instantly punched me in the gut emotionally. I had no idea what on earth this song was on about - Matilda was telling some story about an escapologist's daughter, which sounded suspiciously like Miss Honey's story, and why was Matilda telling that??? - but man, I felt things.

What turned out to be going on was that the musical took a whole different approach to presenting Miss Honey's story. Throughout the story, the musical solves the structural problems by interleaving the parent stuff and the library trips with the school storyline - so at several different points, Matilda goes to the library, where she tells a serial story to the librarian, Mrs. Phelps. When Mrs. Phelps asks her about her parents, Matilda always maintains they're so wonderful and loving and they probably miss her so much while she's away - and the story, though kind of silly and over-the-top, is heartbreakingly clearly also a wish-fulfillment fantasy on Matilda's part: it's about this perfect, wonderful couple, an acrobat and an escapologist, who are the most wonderful people and the greatest circus performers in history, and all they've ever wanted is a child. Only then it takes a dark turn: when they're finally expecting a child, they're forced by the acrobat's sister to perform a horribly dangerous circus act, which fatally injures the acrobat so that she only lives just long enough to deliver their daughter, and from there the acrobat's sister begins to abuse the daughter when the escapologist is away. In "I'm Here", a distraught Matilda just out of an explosive confrontation with her father retreats to her room and then abruptly, without an audience, begins to tell the final part of the story, where the escapologist manages to come home early and find his daughter crying, locked in the cellar. He breaks the door open and tells her not to cry, apologizes tearfully for leaving her behind, and promises he'll spend the rest of his life making it up to her and they'll be together forever, while giving her a scarf that her mother used to own - and then she, softly echoing the same melody, tells him not to cry and starts apologizing to him, and guh I'm a blubbering mess what did you do to me Tim Minchin. When she's asleep, though, he's filled with righteous rage and goes to confront the aunt - and he's never seen again.

Later, when Matilda first discovers her powers, we get the song "Quiet", which is also excellent - Matilda just trying to explain what is happening to her in a way that's frantic and disorganized but plainly brilliant, talking about these ideas of philosophy and physics buzzing in her head all the time, and:

But I wonder if inside my head I'm not just a bit different from some of my friends These answers that come into my mind unbidden These stories delivered to me fully written

These aren't stories at all - it's her powers. She's not just telekinetic, she's telepathic - she picked up this story of the acrobat and escapologist in some paranormal way, and a little later, in the song "My House", Miss Honey turns out to own the scarf from the story, and her parents were an acrobat and escapologist (in the book her father was a doctor and her mother's line of work is never specified, I believe, but presumably they were given more extravagant, unique professions to add flair to the story and make it more unmistakable that this is no coincidence), and Matilda realizes it's Miss Honey's story she's been telling the librarian.

There's probably still a made-up element to it - Matilda's story as she tells it, especially the first couple of parts of it, is pretty over-the-top and ridiculous and hard to take entirely seriously. But I think the point is just that it was emotionally true. They were an acrobat and an escapologist, they desperately wanted a child, maybe the circus act didn't literally involve the acrobat being on fire with dynamite in her hair but it was still pretty dangerous - and the final part of the story, told in "I'm Here", is devoid of these over-the-top elements and was probably entirely literal.

This is a pretty brilliant adaptational choice, I think. In the book, we had to hear about Miss Honey's story in a big exposition dump where she told Matilda the story - it worked pretty well there, though it was very late in the book, but I doubt it would in the theater. This way, we get to hear this story pretty innocuously, get kind of invested in it as a fairy tale sort of thing, then get this incredibly emotional song that's simultaneously a reenactment of Miss Honey's past and a fantasy sequence where Matilda finally gets to be comforted by a real parental figure who cares about her - and then all we need once Matilda gets to Miss Honey's house is to link these things together. And once we do, we realize the story has been setup for her powers and for Miss Honey's story all along, tying everything together. It's beautiful and I'm really impressed they came up with this.

In the musical, Miss Honey's proposed explanation for Matilda's powers being lost becomes that she no longer needed them. Overall, with the telepathic element added, it gains a bit more of a feel of the universe granting Matilda these powers specifically so that she could set things right with Trunchbull and Miss Honey - less apparently connected to Matilda feeling righteous rage, as in the movie, and more about the intervention of greater powers. And I'm okay with that too. One might ask why a skeptic would feel that way - and to that I say, come on, we're talking about psychic powers, we're kind of beyond the scientific. Still, though, I did think the movie actively and explicitly making it about Matilda's justified fury was pretty powerful, and though she ultimately ended up being able to use her powers casually there, if I were adapting the story myself I think I’d go with her powers being driven by righteous fury but she hasn’t been able to use them since her life became normal and happy and she stopped feeling that way.

All in all, Matilda the musical is a super-interesting adaptation and I’m quite fond of it. There are definitely bits I like less, but the good bits are really good.

(One of the bits I like less: the musical adds a curious subplot that doesn’t quite go anywhere about Matilda's mom, who is very obviously cheating on Mr. Wormwood with her "part Italian" dance partner Rodolfo. In "Miracle", there's a silly bit with Matilda's birth, where when Mr. Wormwood comes along and sees Matilda, he's completely baffled that the baby doesn't have a "thingy". It's a ridiculous gag about how ignorant he is, but also sort of implies that Mr. Wormwood just doesn't understand human reproductive anatomy at all, and along with the way that Mrs. Wormwood is clearly having sex with Rodolfo but there's no sign of intimacy between her and her husband, it may be implied (for the adults in the theater) that they've just never actually done it and Rodolfo, or someone else, is the father of her children. Possibly the idea here is that Matilda's biological father was someone significantly smarter than Mr. Wormwood. I may be reading way too much into this, and I'm kind of iffy on the implications of this if it's actually the intention, but either way I think it's kind of a weird part of the show and wonder what lay behind it.)

[belizedeservesbetter]

In Which David Korins Stole the Whole Show

but otherwise it was disappointing disappointing disappointing 

I got to see Beetlejuice with my mother so I suppose I’ll begin with her first thought about the show, which was: 

“How come all mothers in pop culture have to die of cancer?” 

The more I think about it, the more I know she’s right. All dead moms in film, theatre, television and books (except Catelyn Stark) typically die of cancer or some other illness. I don’t know why. It’s become an “easy” trope by which I mean I feel like writers have it happen so often because it’s a simple way to give a character a sad backstory without it raising too many questions. And Beetlejuice uses it literally in the first couple of minutes. The show starts at Lydia Deetz’s mother’s funeral, where Lydia sings a brief ballad before Beetlejuice himself comes in with a “A ballad already?” kind of joke. 

I too was wondering “A ballad already?” exactly when Beetlejuice made his first appearance. I was also wondering “Beetlejuice, already?” when he pops out in literally the first five minutes when I thought he’d be the big reveal of the show. He wasn’t. 

The big reveal, then, was the amazing set. My goodness the Maitland’s house set was incredible. Both before Beetlejuice took over and afterwards, everything about that set was stunning. It was so cool and so fun and so detailed and felt like it was taken right out of a painting. The longer I stared at it the more I loved it. David Korins walked away with the whole show, which is something I’ve never said before.

The lighting and sound design was incredible too. It added so much to the show, giving it exactly the right feel. Even if the book/score/directing didn’t understand the tone of the piece, the lighting and sound did. I especially loved how the netherworld lighting drew itself on the set. 

As for the man himself, Alex Brightman is clearly having the time of his life playing Beetlejuice. His vocal cords must hate him but he sounds great and looks great and is milking the part for all its worth. He’s so fun to watch. I also think Brightman has the perfect energy for the part, which also made him perfect for School of Rock and by that I mean he has this kind of energy where he’s still a grown adult but not a creepy adult. Like he could play Dewey Finn well with the kids in that show and it doesn’t come across wrong and the same is true for this show with Beetlejuice and Lydia. Especially in Beetlejuice he could have been the wrong kind of creepy but he isn’t. 

Leslie Kritzer is an absolute gem as Delia and Miss Argentina. She’s hilarious and embodies the spirit of Catherine O’Hara without mimicking her performance. I kept wishing for more Delia scenes because she was so so good. 

That being said, Beetlejuice should’ve been a good musical. When they first announced the show was being done in DC, I was stoked! Beetlejuice seemed like the perfect movie to adapt into a musical. I thought it would’ve been weird and different and cool and fun. I thought it would be a musical that could and would take a lot of risks. 

It wasn’t! 

It’s really bland, actually. 

First of all, I can’t believe they didn’t let Tim Minchin do the score for this. He would’ve done such an amazing job! This kind of show is right up his alley! I wanted the score to be a mix of both Matilda and Groundhog Day with an extra dash of spookiness. He has that very specific voice that would’ve been perfectly suited for Beetlejuice and yet they gave it to Eddie Perfect. Eddie Perfect who, between this and the disaster that is King Kong, will never write a Broadway musical ever again. The score was so boring. Every song sounded the same. I can’t remember a single song except for “Day-O” and “Jump In the Line,” which are both songs that were in the movie/already written! I didn’t even like that “Dead Mom” song everyone kept telling me was oh so good. 

I enjoyed Act One of the show and thought it was fun, but Act Two was a complete mess.

They also somehow managed to mess up the story. The movie is about the Maitlands but they made the musical about Lydia and Beetlejuice, which is the B story in the movie. I get that everyone loves Lydia and that everyone has made the line “I myself am strange and unusual” an instagram caption/bio at some point in their life BUT she is the side character in the movie! She isn’t as fully fleshed out as Adam and Barbara because she’s a side character, so making her the main character reduces her to one single problem and like two character traits that honestly becomes super grating.

So I guess the show has a Lydia problem in that she keeps saying the same things over and over and over again and she no longer becomes interesting or strange or unusual. Also, her dad is completely right so it was hard to see him as the bad guy. They do have to keep moving forward after her mom dies and maybe a new start is a good thing and geez Lydia, it’s okay if your dad remarries! Likewise, Lydia is blaming adults for everything wrong in her life, and yet when a little girl scout comes along she tortures the little girl instead! I wasn’t sure how to root for Lydia Deetz because she made it incredibly difficult at every turn. Sophia Anne Caruso is clearly very talented and very clearly has a wonderful voice, I just wasn’t a huge fan of her Lydia. I feel like her voice is more better suited for a rock musical. She sounds like a baby Lena Hall, and I love Lena Hall, but Lena Hall is better in rock musicals than more traditional style musicals, or whatever style of musical Beetlejuice is. 

Likewise, the Maitlands, who have been reduced to supporting characters who honestly don’t really affect the story all that much in this version, are boring! Beetlejuice even tells them they’re boring to their faces. I get that’s their charm but it wasn’t fun to watch them. I felt bad for them, actually, because they’ve essentially been written out of their own story. 

But the problem with writing away the Maitlands is that the story becomes paper thin and falls apart when you give it literally any thought. Likewise, the emotional core becomes trite and predictable, because instead of the story being about a couple coming to terms with their own mortality and the family they never got to have, it’s about a girl who’s sad and a demon monster thing who is also sad but neither of them will listen to literally anyone so they’re sad cause they choose to be. Honestly, I’m not even totally sure of Beetlejuice’s motivations cause they changed so much. Likewise, he became a complete idiot in Act Two when he was pretty smart in Act One. It’s not even an interesting show about a girl dealing with the death of her mother because everything that happens with that has been done a million times before. Lydia and Beetlejuice are fun, but they’re side characters for a reason. 

The tone of the show was all over the place because they wanted to be so many things but ended up failing at all of them. They wanted to be a raunchy comedy. They wanted to be spooky. They wanted to be an Adult show. They wanted to be a fun heartwarming show for the family. The end result is a bad mix of all of them, none of which makes all that much sense. I wish they picked one and really committed to it. I would’ve appreciated the boldness. Because otherwise? This show felt so safe. I wanted something cool and new and what I got was something any writer could’ve written in their sleep. 

I think at the end of the day I’m more disappointed than anything. I really wanted this to be good. I really really wanted this to be good. At least the Hello, Dolly! references were fun.

I also really liked the snake puppet, which is truly giving a more exciting performance than the King Kong puppet could ever dream of giving. 

[krokodile]

Matilda! :)

• my favourite character

Matilda!  I wish I had a more outside the box answer here, but I’m forever in awe of Tim Minchin for creating the most believable little girl in fiction since Ramona Quimby.  And she’s a wonderful character.  She’s brilliant, sure, and has pretty awesome superpowers, but more importantly, she’s kind, she’s brave, she’s determined, and she believes in doing the right thing, to the point where the thought of doing anything else outright offends her.  But she’s also so human - I love how seriously she takes herself, and I love how unintentionally funny she can be.  I love how she’s silly and childish when no one’s looking.  I love how her superpowers are driven by anger she hasn’t yet learned to control or express healthily (because living in that family would absolutely be psychologically damaging).  She can be a bit judgmental, she can be incredibly mischievous and downright devious.  It’s impossible not to love her.  

• a song that reminds me of my favourite character

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EExwffrNBMg

(This seemed like the appropriate cover to choose for Matilda!  I’d actually never seen this before right now.)

• a character that deserved better

Bruce.  That boy’s gonna need serious therapy.  

• an unpopular opinion about one of the characters

Mrs. Phelps is entirely underrated and overlooked.  People often refer to Matilda as being alone in the world until she meets Miss Honey, and that’s bs - Mrs. Phelps is a great friend to Matilda and cares about her so much.  

• the character that has the best development

Miss Honey is really the character who develops the most over the course of the show, but I’m going to break out another unpopular opinion and say Mr. Wormwood; at least the ones who play him as reluctant to leave Matilda, or those who simply come to realize that she’s a remarkable child, rather than the villain he’s made her out to be in his life.  Honestly?  THAT gets me every time.

• my least favourite character

Michael.  A couple of guys did make him absolutely hilarious but most of them just get annoying to me after a while.  

• the character that I relate to the most

Mrs. Phelps.  Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.

• the character (if any) I have an inexplicable crush on

I think my crush on Miss Honey is entirely explicable.  

• my favourite version of my favourite character (which production? who played them?)

I really don’t know how to compare the Broadway girls to any other productions because I’ve not seen them.  And my favorite version of Matilda?  I feel like that’s a different question than just my favorite Matilda.  I enjoyed watching Ripley Sobo the most, and I feel like she gave a ton of thought to the character and was the most natural in the role.  But the girl whose interpretation of the character I liked most was probably Gabriella Pizzolo.  She was so serious and thoughtful.  Very quietly observant.  Mimi Ryder, Ava Briglia, Aviva Winick, Fina Strazza and Bailey Ryon also made really interesting choices for the character.  They aren’t necessarily my favorite Matildas (my top five would probably include Oona Laurence and Brooklyn Shuck, and I adored Eliza Holland Madore, Rileigh McDonald and Alexandra Vlachos as well), but they were the ones I’d point out as the unique Matildas who had really interesting takes on the character.  

I may have overthought the question, but…this was more interesting to think about than just naming Ripley as my favorite Matilda yet again ;)

As far as Miss Honeys go, I’ve grown to love them all (though I didn’t get to see Ashley Hale), even the ones I initially didn’t like.  And there are so many ladies from the West End I’d give anything to have seen - Gina Beck most notably, but also Biancha Szynal, Charlotte Scott and Lara Denning.  And I was damn curious about Paula Brancati.  However, Allison Case owns that title for me.  I wasn’t sure about her when she debuted but by the second or third time I’d seen her, I was won over.  She took the character to some really dark places, both overt and subtle.  You could just enjoy her playing the character as sweet, sad and broken, or you could think about all the little moments that painted a bigger, incredibly depressing picture.  Plus she was so sweet with her Matildas and worked brilliantly with all of them.

• a random headcanon about one of the characters

Mrs. Phelps is trans, Miss Honey is homoromantic asexual, they’re madly in love and the best parents Matilda could have ever asked for.

Okay technically that’s more than one but I’m standing by it.

@humansrushby thanks for letting me talk about one of my favorite things of all time :)

[beckettsthoughts]

Wow hello fellow theatre nerd, I'm new (I'm not even 16 yet and I grew up in a teeny southern town so I never got much Broadway experience before like last year) but I'm very hyperfixated on an ever-growing number of musicals. Finding somebody who's not in their early teens and not here from Hamilton (I am.... Both of these things and also a hypocrite) is a new experience -a

Ah, where I grew up we had a huge focus on dance and drama as hobbies. Most people I know from back did at least one of the two, culminating in a yearly competition where each drama school battled it out on stage in front of a professional adjudicator. I started when I was about nine, only quit when I was about fifteen. Following on from this, a lot of my friends took drama and theatre studies at A Level, in fact almost all of my friends did. What I’m saying is, theatre is huge here. 

In terms of what I’ve actually seen, well, that’s an interesting answer. In the West End, I’ve seen several musicals. The Sound of Music, Hairspray, Oliver!, Wicked, We Will Rock You, and Matilda are the musicals I’ve seen live there. I also saw the West End cast of Billy Elliot when they were touring earlier this year. However, some of my favourite musicals are those I’ve only seen on DVD, including Cats and Jesus Christ Superstar (the 2012 arena tour recording, to be precise, with Tim Minchin as Judas). I’m also going to give a special shout out to movie musicals and movie adaptions of some amazing musicals, including Calamity Jane, The Phantom of the Opera, and Les Misérables. Of course, before it was a musical I remember seeing the original film version of Kinky Boots and loving it; now that’s a show I want to see.

Y’know, I’ve seen a lot of this new musicals craze going on and I love it. I remember seeing Hamilton become this whole big thing, with the amazing soundtrack and mind-blowing lyrics, and I saw so many more people suddenly embrace theatre because of it. And not only were they embracing big-time Broadway shows, no, I saw fans of the small-time musical adaption of Heathers and also a musical adaption of Amélie. I watched as Kinky Boots rose from some obscure British movie shown on BBC One in the evenings to a Broadway smash-hit, I watched Dear Evan Hansen become a thing, it’s amazing. I see people talking about new musicals all the time, which fascinates me because it’s been so long since people were excited about new musicals, since new musicals were given the chance to shine in an industry that previously had seemed stuck in time. I remember the debut of Matilda, I’ll give you that, but that was in, what, 2010? After that, I stopped hearing anything about new musicals, about new shows worth watching. 

I’m so grateful for this new musicals trend, is what I’m trying to say. So many people are excited about theatre and it makes me excited about theatre to see it happening. What’s your favourite musical, your favourite soundtrack? What musicals would you love to see if you had the chance?

[floweringthewords]

Blind: Nineteen.

This literally took a lifetime and a day to upload but it’s been done for months and I just never got to it. SORRY but it’s here yaaaay surprise

Matty’s POV

It was fifteen minutes later that I heard him rush in, calling out to see if I was okay. He ran into the room the same way he had before at the clinic when he was almost too late. I had heard the boy’s instrument’s in the background over the phone, so I knew they had to have been having practice at Tim’s. It took well over fifteen minutes to drive from there to my house on any other day. I could only imagine how many red lights he ran and potential tickets he’d be receiving. John found me kneeling in the bathtub trying to hold myself up as I reached for a bathrobe. He helped me stand to get into it, before quickly grabbing me some clothes and shoes before getting me down the stairs and out to his car. The pain had only dulled an eighth from earlier, and it was still hard to move or sit or stand upright. The pressure in my waist still made it hard to breathe. As much as it hurt, it’s not what worried me. This hadn’t happened before and I had no idea what this meant for the baby. There was only a month left. What if something was wrong? What if I was going into early labor? We arrive at the emergency room and they attend to us quickly and John follows them into my room, arguing and insisting that he wasn’t going to leave. “Do you see the condition she’s in?! I need to be with her!” “Sir, we need you to leave-“ “Bullshit! That’s my baby!” My heart pangs aside the pain as I ponder over whether he meant me or the baby. I call out shakily. “John, it’s fine-” He gives me a sad, frightful look. “Matt.” Before he could struggle any further, they wheel me away and I watch as he gets smaller in the distance, until the doors swing back closed, leaving him on the other side. It spoke volumes for how distant we’ve been the last few months. After multiple tests and a double dozen of questions, they deem the pain has dulled and in no need for morphine, consulting me that it’s not a completely safe narcotic when pregnant. I nod and accept their decision. I finish filling out some paperwork and the nurse with a sweet scent brings me a boxed juice, telling me the doctor would be in with the diagnosis soon. “Would you like your husband to come in and see you?” I blush as I struggle to sit up, causing her instantly to adjust my bed and fluff my pillow. She was very attentive and her hair smelled like citrus and honey. “Oh, h-he’s n…um.” I stop myself short, realizing how pointless it is to try and explain myself to a stranger. It doesn’t matter anyway, right?” “Please,” I mumble. I can hear her soft hum, the sheets shifting as she moves away from the bed. “I’ll be right back.” Thanking her, I focus on the sound of her footsteps fade, finding it thankfully distracting from the situation. I fiddle with my hands, still able to feel the slight dips and wrinkles on my fingers from my bath. Everything felt like it had moved in slow motion, when really it couldn’t have been more than an hour since John had raced me here. My lips unexpectedly begins to quiver as I rest my hands protectively over my stomach. Rushed sounds pull me from my thoughts, and I’m graced by the feel of calloused, long fingers over mine, cupping them firmly. “Matilda, a-are you okay?” I give the best smile I could manage. “John.” He sighs and moves closer, feeling him cup my head and pull it into his chest. “How are you? Does it still hurt?” I shrug as he takes a seat on the edge of the bed. “It’s not crippling,” I mutter. Sarcastically, I add, “When it first hit me, for a second I thought I could see again-“ “Matilda, that’s not fucking funny.” I frown at his harshness. “I’m just trying to make myself feel better.” He sighs again and pulls away briefly – I assume to rub his eyes or neck – before taking my hands again in both of his. “I-I know. I’m sorry. I was just so scared. I was at practice with the guys and – God, you have no idea everything running through my head when I picked up the phone. You’ve no idea what you sounded like…” His voice cracks and I feel his thumb over my knuckles, causing my eyelids to close shamelessly. It was the exact reassurance and comfort I needed right now. John takes note of this and continues to caress my hands softly, staying close but not saying a word. The silence feels…normal. It reminded me of the mornings in bed when we were both still waking up and I could feel his skin against mine, when I could trace the lines and bumps on his nose and follow the curve of his jaw and brush his eyelashes and know they were looking at me right through them. The memory hits me hard and I realize just how much I miss him. Out of all the things that could have brought us together, it’s something grave and dire. My eyes water as I clutch his wrist. “This is our child. John, what if he’s not okay? What if-wh-what if-“ “Matt, baby, I’m begging you please don’t.” His voice is so definitive and stern that there was no room to argue – there would be no speculating if the baby was going to be fine. It would be fine and that was it. But the plea still made his fear obvious. He was as scared as I was. I blink back the tears, waiting impatiently. I needed some kind of answers. I just wanted to know that I-we’d be okay. The nurse returns a moment later, joined by another pair of footsteps. The doctor introduces himself and reads off results from the tests. “Your vitals are all well, and the x-rays we took of your spine don’t show anything abnormal. Now, we’re thinking the pain that you felt was just a combination of change in posture and stress. It’s very common for women to have symptoms of back pain during their pregnancy, but that’s just a result of your body preparing itself.” He makes his way over to me, resting his hand on my shoulder. “I do, however, want to take an ultrasound to be absolutely sure this wasn’t a result of any kind of internal problem. I’m sure you’d feel better knowing that it didn’t affect the baby in any way, too.” I nod gratefully and the nurse instructs me to lay back and raise my nightgown. I bring the sheets up to my hips shyly before doing as she says, feeling John’s hand guiding me gently. It’s a feeling I didn’t think I’d needed or missed at all the other appointments I’ve had. The doctor wheels over a machine and John stands to my left as he keeps holding my hand. It’s almost as if he refused to let go now that he had a hold of it. “Alright, Matilda,” the doctor soothes, “I’m going to apply the jelly and you’re going to feel some pressure on your abdomen; nothing unusual for you, I’m sure,” he adds with a chuckle. I take a deep breath as I feel the cold wand on my belly. I could hear the beeps of the monitor and the rhythmic clicking, along with the familiar wet static. He hums and fiddles around for a moment in his chair, clicking some keys and moving again. I hear John suck in a breath and I turn my head, my heart dropping to my stomach. “What is it?” “There we are,” the doctor says, almost with a smile in his voice. “Now if I could just get a good catch of this heartbeat…ah ha!” I listen closely to the steady thump. It was louder than before, making me feel like I could almost feel it resonating through my bones. I grip John’s hands tighter as I sniff. “That’s…that’s ours.” “She…it’s so big.” He starts to laugh softly, resting his chin atop our hands. I feel his lips pressing into my knuckles. “I can definitely say everything is going just fine. It’s not abnormal for back pains to worsen the closer you are to labor, as well. Heating pads usually work with lower back. I recommend lots of rest, but try to stay active in the day. If you experience pains as intense as tonight though, I would definitely say to keep your physician on speed dial.” I nod as he speaks, but I couldn’t focus on any of it. “What does…what do you see?” I whisper to John, eager as I could only imagine the picture on the screen. “It’s beautiful, darlin’. Our baby’s safe and…is that his foot right there? He’s all curled up.” “That’s right. This right here…” I feel the doctor roll away slightly. “…Is the umbilical cord.” He chuckles, speaking in a gentle voice. “Oh, look at that. It looks just like a peanut.” I laugh before suddenly feeling the jut in my belly. It was nothing I hadn’t felt before, but it felt like a very defined, and determined signal. I press my hand against my side with wide eyes. “H..The baby just kicked.” “Oh, he’s feeling lively,” the doctor muses, the nurse giving a soft chuckle. “See? He or she’s not even affected.” I take John’s hands without a second thought and hold it to where I felt it. We wait for a moment. “I’m not feeling anything-” he mumbles, though just a second after the last word escapes his mouth, the silent kick bounces against his palm. I squeeze his hand as I wish with every bit of my being that I could see the look on his face. “He heard you,” I tell him, grinning helplessly. John exhales and rests both his hand over my stomach. “Well, we’ll let you two be alone – would you like a print out of this?” “Yes,” John responds without another moment. “Alright. Ms. Avery here will be back with the release paperwork and to take out your IV.” I raise my head. “I can go home tonight?” “Yes, ma’am. And keep a close watch on that labor countdown calendar. You’re closer than you think.” Nodding, I thank the doctor and the nurse before waiting for John to speak. But he’s completely trained on my stomach. I can’t help but laugh at his stillness, but also out of pure relief. “I can’t believe it…they’re okay.” “I told you,” he mutters and I could hear that familiar smirk. I reach out to trace it out of habit, and one of his hands quickly moves to cup it gently, resting his cheek in my palm. He breathes in deeply and I could feel a light wetness on my wrist. “I won’t let you out of my sight now,” he whispers. “I’m sorry, but I won’t.” I don’t argue with him. A few minutes later, the nurse brings me back my clothes and she removes my IV before letting me get dressed. John doesn’t insist on helping me, which I’m both surprised and appreciative of. When I step back into the room, John clears his throat. “I, uh, I kinda texted Nina earlier that I was here with you at the hospital and now she wont stop yelling at me. I told her I would keep her updated but I haven’t messaged her back.” “What did you tell her?” “That I had to rush you here because of something with the baby.” He hands me my phone as Siri reads out her string of texts to me in her robotic voice. “Ok please let me know” “John? What’s going on?” “Is she okay? Be sure to call me back” “What hospital is it?” “Why aren’t you answering” “JOHN WHAT THE HELL” “DAMMIT JOHN I SWEAR TO GOD YOU’RE THE NEXT ONE GOING TO THE HOSPITAL” I can’t help but burst out into laughter, my face surely turning red at the humor of it. I could feel her rage but through the form of my pocket mobile assistant. It even read out ‘angry face’ emoji. John chuckles. “Yeah, I think you’re gonna need to call her so she knows you’re alive.” I shake my head giggling, involuntarily leaning against him. He stays frozen for a moment, before leaning down and pressing his lips to my hair. “Let’s take you home.” ~ After a longer ride back, I felt the exhaustion of the night sink in. John had to jostle me awake, and even still he opened my door and carried me up the steps. I didn’t argue it because for one, I couldn’t bring my muscles to move, but I also couldn’t bring myself to move my face out of his chest. He places me on my feet in the living room but I stay hanging onto him. His arms were by my hips, the baby bump keeping a comfortable distance between us. “I never thought I’d be here again,” he murmurs. “In my house? Yeah, me either.” I feel his shaking his head in disagreement. “Not the place. Here.” His fingers lightly graze my arms, tracing upwards and making me shiver. “I’m going to sleep,” I whisper. I didn’t think John could bring himself to leave and I couldn’t bring myself to ask him to, so I decide that should be his open invitation to stay. “I’ll stay close,” he tells me. “To monitor and stuff.” I’m about to open my mouth when my stomach growls profoundly. I can almost feel his lips twitching under my fingertips. “Hungry?” I pat my stomach and chuckle. “Maybe I’ll just grab a snack.” “I got it,” he assures me. “You go lay down and relax.” I nod, not arguing with him this time that he tried to help me. I forgot how used to having him around I was. I think I slightly missed getting mad at him for being overly protective or running in front of me to remove a piece of clothing on the floor so I wouldn’t trip. I missed the sound of him closing all the cabinets to be sure I wouldn’t hit my head. More than that, I missed the voice message he’d send me through text when I was home just to tell me something dumb. I missed him repeatedly trying to sneak up on me to drop a blanket on me and constantly failing. Maybe we could have all that again. Maybe this was our chance to start over. With a small flutter in my stomach, I decide it’s better to have a new start than an indefinite end.