#i worked so fucking hard for this job and yet I'm piss shit terrified about starting because I'm such a social outcast and like I'm going t

[aspxnvii]

i start my first career job on Wednesday and I'm on the verge of vomiting

[willinglyghoulified]

"This is why I'm about to quit my job."

-a Neurodivergent's Shpeil; a story and takeaway under cut

What is happening in my head: Why is he just standing there in the middle of the isle? Does he not know that he's in the way? I have to get to the next shelf, but I don't want to ask him to move, I've already asked like six times, and he's bumped into me twice. I just have to get past him somehow, then I'll be able to get the last few items I need and finish up this 712-piece order.

What actually happens: I said excuse me again, and he didn't hear me because he was talking to someone about which is better: pizza rolls or "chickie nuggies."

What happens in my head next: OH MY GOD HE IS SUCH A NUISANCE I ABSOLUTELY HATE HIM DOESN'T HE KNOW THAT HE'S A BURDEN IN THE WORKPLACE AND PEOPLE HATE IT WHEN HE SINGS PASSIONATELY TO EVERY FUCKING SONG THAT PLAYS ON THE SPEAKERS AND HE'S SLOW AND SHOWS NO REGARD FOR THE PEOPLE AROUND HIM AND WHY THE FUCK DOES HE STAND THERE SPREAD-EAGLE WHERE NO ONE CAN GET PAST HIM AND FOR FUCK'S SAKE I HATE HIS NAME TOO SOMEONE SHOULD HAVE NAMED HIM CHAD: LORD OF THE SHITHEADS BECAUSE GODDAMN AND OUR FLOOR LEAD IS JUST GOING TO TELL ME TO PICK UP HIS SLACK AND TAKE HIS CART AND FINISH IT BECAUSE HE'S TOO SLOW.

What actually happens next: I said excuse me yet again, and he heard me this time. I asked him if I could go around him, my heart beating out of my chest. He said sure, and I whipped my cart -- which is as long as a fucking countertop and about two hundred pounds at this point -- past him at high speed which probably isn't the safest choice.

The rest of the day: I stay pissed off all day, hating everyone around me, not speaking to anyone, and they all are looking at me like "goddamn I don't want to get in that bitch's way, she looks extremely unpleasant." My manager checks on me, asks me if I'm okay, and I can't explain anything to where he'll understand, so I fake a smile and say "yeah why? I'm fine. Don't worry about it, I'm just tired. Thanks for checking on me." I take out my frustration on my husband when he asks me if I want something to eat on the way home and I tell him I literally can't think straight and just want to go home and not to ask me anything again that requires making a decision or other long thought processes. My husband's in a shit mood now because he got his head bitten off by an overstimulated wife that just wants to wrap herself in a blanket and disappear from the world.

The takeaway: I don't know how many neurodivergents struggle with this particular symptom, but I'm extremely irritable around people. I want to be left alone. Being too close to too many people I don't like or hardly know causes me physical discomfort. I'm in literal mental anguish when I have to engage in conversation that I don't care for. I'm exhausted to think of meaningful responses when people talk to me. I even have a hard time responding to emails, texts, or chats, and I have a heart attack when I get a phone call. My mom has to make my doctor's appointments for me just so I don't have to get on the phone. And yet I stay working where I work because I'm terrified that I won't find anything else that pays me this much or suits my needs. I'm not disabled, and it would be extremely difficult to get disability in the US for stuff like this. So I continue to work in places I don't like, I continue to suffer around people I don't want to be around, and I continue to feel like there's something horribly wrong with me that no one else seems to have a problem with. It's just me. In my mind, I'm just messed up. I'm unlikable. I'm overlooked. I don't matter. And if I fail at this job like I've failed at all the others, I'm worthless, too. And I can't afford to fail again.

[queenoftsage]

Da FUQ!?

... No wonder kids in my hometown don't give a fuck about their jobs. They're getting paid $7-$9 per hour at certain places.

Fucking BOOMERS, if you're getting really bad customer service at a place next time you go out, straight up ask those kids how much they're getting paid per hour. I assure you, they're not getting paid enough to put up with your shitty entitled ass.

J F C...

And if I have ever thought, in my head, cause I usually don't care if kids are having a bad day, we all do. But if I have ever thought that you all need to be nicer, at least. I fucking apologize. No you don't need to be nicer.

These motherfucking corporates need to be nicer and pay you more money.

WOW.... I'm sorry you're stuck at that job. That really is being stuck at a job.

Just for receipt purposes.... Here are some examples of what I just saw and was horrified to see.

CHILD CARE by some learning institution place... this is fucking CHILD CARE. one of the hardest jobs you can get ... only pays $9.50 per hour. ....

FIREHOUSE subs only pays you $9 per hour, and you probably have to work with them for ages before you reach the $16 per hour they also have listed there. Their listing is $9-$16 per hour... As if there's hope they'll start you at $16... no hun... more than likely not.

Bark-Ranger at MUTTS Canine Cantina® ... A job that requires you to take care of people's pets... $8.50 .... !!!!??? I've seen people who will charge a shit ton more for this with applications online. lol. What is a person going to do with that amount? It's not like the cost of living is the same. IT's expensive AF to live here in my hometown.

JANITORS... who should be paid a shit ton more than what I'm about to name ... Are being offered $11 per hour. $11 PER HOUR!? to clean people's shit!? Hell nah! At least you should be paying them $15 if you're gonna be an asshole about it and pay them minimum. I personally think Janitors should be paid $50 per hour! They're doing a service to the community and their job is important!

PERSONAL CARE AIDE ... which is also a very hard job to do. You're being offered LESS to start. Their offering is $10.50, until you get to the coveted $15 minimum wage.. yikes...

Front Desk Associate at a PLANET FITNESS. You can expect $9 per hour. Not so hard a job, but at least they should be paid $13 per hour, or the actual MINIMUM $15 per hour. Like... Those fucking gyms make mad money, cause everyone wants to be in shape.

Office Assistant/Data Entry Clerk [what online I have seen pays almost as much as $16 - $25 per hour, or even more, depending on who's hiring you.] in my home town pays you $10 or $11 per hour. NO MORE, no less. ................. eeew.... lol

An ACADEMIC Tutor [for Reading and Writing] pays your $9.50 per hour.... Like... WHAT!? When I was tutoring with my ex-jobs the least I Got paid was $11 by SPICUS, and the most $15 by Amplify. lol. I know that Tutors are not TeAcHErS, but sometimes we get across to your students a lot more. No fucking joke. but WOW... ACADEMIC TUTOR that is being hired by a LOCAL college... is getting paid this. There is no promise of getting a hire wage either.

....

In conclusion, I'm horrified to see these. I was thinking maybe I should stop looking for remote jobs and try just an in-person job again. ......... uh... Hell to the FUCK NO. lol.

These fucking BOOMERS and some Gen X-ers can keep on complaining. I don't blame Millennials, and any other later generations who are working these jobs and not giving a fuck about them. That's why none of them want to give a fuck anymore. Like, you're paying them a pathetic amount, yet you want STELLAR customer service? G E T THE F U C K OUT! lmao.

ALSO, the cost of living in this hometown of mine is NOT CHEAP anymore. The city is growing and the prices of EVERYTHING are going up. So.. No, this is terrifying. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so fucking pissed [I know, I know, that's nothing new.], but this is more like a Terrified and Pissed at the same time. Don't know how to describe it any better.

.... hnnn APPALLED!? That's another word for it.

[lunarifie]

Rewatching Ninjago

(With no context other than the episode)

The Tournament of Elements episode 7-8

Speed man: The ninja were right this wasnt about us winning. This was something sinister 😨

Shadowman: What gave it away. His cult following or his giant snake head.

HFJDJFBDJNF

Kai: Tell me one thing. Was it his plan to make me fall for you, or yours. Because it worked.

DAMN KAI THAT WAS SMOOTH AS FUCK

Goofy side character cult activists my beloved. Who are their voice actors because someone needs to get those two a lead job

Kapow and Chope my beloveds

Jay: its not work if you love what you do 😌 the power of positive thinking

Jay nerding over Zanes new look is adorable

Jay: a roto jet? But arent we underground?

Cole: THATS WHAT IVE BEEN SAYING

Metal man(karloff): what happened to positive thinking huh?

Why does Chen have Zanes pink gi

How does chen have zanes pink gi

Headcannon that Zane or Kai steals it on their way out

Kai YAWNED during Chens evil speech

Idk if that was adhd or audacity but i love it

Chen you manipulative asshole stop using lloyd and his parents to fucking persuade Kai

The cliche ‘GO! ILL HOLD THEM OFF!’ Leaving the most important character to fight for himself

I dont remember what happens at all so im excited

Goddddd

Lloyd: you, you turned Kai against me!?!?

He must have felt so betrayed.

Kai: itll all make sense when this is over.

Ik you have a plan Kai but you better have an apology

So tempted to draw this exchange

Dont the og anacondrai actually get pissed that Chens trying to be a poser or smth

I keep forgetting Lloyds a kid and then his voice actor drops the most child-like line ever and a piece of me breaks inside

(Nya and Garmadon tied up to a pole surrounded by the boned remains of Chens pet snake)

This…. Is fucked up.

I think I would quite literally go insane after this

Kai's guilt. Nyas hurt.

The rbg siblings are splitting apart and it's killing me.

Garmadon is so worried for his son, for Lloyd that he went as far as threatening Skylers life, but even then, he can't because he’s changed.

He's such a good character and I wish they didn't just revert him back to his evil self.

Also, the fact that Chens daughter was in potential danger and he let Garmadon man-handle her is just

I'm glad she's not under his care anymore

Kai: I had to! He said he would let you free Nya

(Proceeds to walk away as Chen doesn't set her free)

At least he has a plan

Nickname 1: tiger

I Like this one bc im pretty sure tiger is Coles symbol and the tiger sashay is the move that he accomplished when he unlocked his true potential

So it makes sense

I'm so glad ninjago hadn't formed it's expressive animation style yet bc I know Lloyd would have looked helpless instead of vacantly angry as kai stood in front of him and that would have destroyed me

Ik Kai had a plan but he didnt know that Cole and zane would come to save Nya and Garmadon and it would have been tragic if he was able to save Lloyd, but came back to another sibling as bones

Nya: Zane! Youre back!

Zane: what! What is on my back?

I love him

Kai: Hey Chen! You forgot one element. The element of surprise!

The master of surprise from the movie popping out of nowhere: SURPRISE!

And then surprise saves the day

Thats exactly how it goes.

Jk jk lol Skyler fucking totals her dad and Kai steals the staff

Its crazy that Kai held every element and was able to use them

i dont remember the power corrupting him holy shit thats scary

Lloyd looks terrified

Hes fighting the curroptness so hard good for him

HE ALMOST HIT LLOYD

Hell yeah theyre all back babyyyy

Zanes doing the funny switch song again 🥹

Wait why are they sinking all their escapes to leave

BFJSNFJDJF

“We’re not stuck on this island with you, youre stuck on this island with US.”

Oh how the turn tables

Skyler(rattles her chains)

The guards watching her: AAHJSENE

Skyler: … i need, to scratch my face. 🤨

The guards (uses their swords to scratch her face)

Skyler (loudly): thank you :)

Other guards 🤨😠

Okay but the way skyler is so used to her fathers manipulation, that she could easily tell that it was an act to take her power Is honestly heartbreaking

Having to walk on eggshells all the time

Jesus christ they implied the transaction could kill her

I absolutely despise chen now hes such a shit bag father

GO SKYLER GO FUCK YEAH

Pixal: Zane! You have to drive slower! I cant predict the obstacles!

Zane: theres no time!

Zanes really betting on that ‘its not about numbers, its about family’ idealogy

Aaaand he fell. In a cave.

WHAT NO DONT LEAVE HIM WTF.

Kai: Shes more important!

I GET SHES IN DANGER BUT YOU HAVE A SECOND TO HELP YOUR FRIEND

This is the cave in his dreaaaam

Oh shit is he hallucinating?

God poor Zane can you imagine having someone in your head telling you what you see isnt real but it feels real

JESUS CHRIST WHAT ARE THE RUNNING SAWS FOR DONT YOU WANT SKYLER ALIVE??????

Skylers so cool

Clouse (on the roto jet): a bit of a breeze up here! I wonder who will last longer.

Garmadon: How about neither! (Tackles clouse AGAIN)

Okay but Kai and Skyler actually have some chemistry and their legitimately cute

Teamwork and banter always gets me

Okay nvm Kapow and Chope suck

Garmadons not ACTUALLY gonna go to the cursed realm

Right?

THIS.

THIS was a learning experience for Garmadon

I truly believe hes ridden with guilt and a small part of him doesnt find himself worth the same as others. Which is why he always does ‘self sacrificial’ plays, throwing himself in more danger to take the enemy down.

This moment i thought he was gonna do the same thing but instead, he pulled Clouse in the portal and used him as leverage to pull himself out. I think he realized and grew from this.

Pixal: youre not afraid of dragons, you used to have one.

THATS WHAT IM SAYIIING

This is so similar to someone talking someone down from a panic attack, go pixal.

She really just kept using logic and it helped.

I think this was to show that Zane changed and grew. He’s still the white ninja but hes no longer the person he was before his trauma, now hes someone else ‘the titanium ninja.’

If i had a nickel for everytime Zane ‘found himself’ id have two nickels. Which isnt a lot but its weird that it happened twice right.

Something tells me itll happen more than twice.

Aaaand theyre all anacondrai

Oh shit i forgot Garmadon has the tattoo/worked with chen

Jay: first its four arms. Then you became a dragon! would you mind picking a body and sticking with it please!

jays transphobic confirmed /j

Kapow and Chope: WE LOOK SO COOL!

Kai: youre both still ugly! (Blasts them)

Look! Its skylers snake-jay-insecure arc

Jay: they took the roto jet and all of the blade copters!

Yes jay, thank you, we can see that.

Jay im begging you to stfu rn pls i love u but just stfu

Ohhhhh it was Zanes energy dragon.

Honestly if lloyd was never the green ninja id think Zane would be the most qualified

It seems so weird for all of then to just magically get their dragons rn

WAIT THEY CAN ALLLLL MAKE THE DRAGONS

WHAT

i feel like this makes ‘wtf happened to the other elemental masters after’ a lot more important

Kai: Chen said only one could remain, well, we are one!

Love that

[trashcatsnark]

1, 14, 19, and 30 for the ask game. I'm curious, especially about the last one

Ahhhhhh thank you so much for the ask, I really appreciate it, it was so nice to wake up to, thank you! 1. what radio station(s) do you listen to?

Personally, I switch around the radio stations a lot, i think the Vexelstorm(?) and Dirge are the two I flicker between the most. I like the rock music and having a chance of hearing Samurai tunes. One time black dog started to play while I was cruising the highway and it just had such a cool vibe; if only I hadn’t immediately crashed into a wall. 

My V though, doesn’t actually fuck around with the radio much especially if someone else is in the car. She’s deaf, has been since around the age of 9, and while she uses hearing aids and can hear, even “listens” to music in her apartment (though she takes her hearing aids out and feels the music rather). But when she has hearing aids she sometimes feels overwhelmed by being able to hear, so she’ll keep music off to quiet, and when someone is in the car she prefers the radio off so if they talk its not two loud sounds at once. Ironically, given this, when she takes her hearing aids out to “listen” to music, she prefers the loudest rock music because it provides the most bass and vibrations to feel it. 

14. what quest/sidejob/gig made you happiest? (again, multiples allowed)

God, I have so many I can think of; I like the rescue gigs a lot, like saving Bugbear, Wakako’s favorite netrunner, Hwangbo, the one where you save the doctor (there are actually technically two doctors you save in two different quests i realized). Those make me really happy, because they’re kind of a reminder that the work V does is not all thievery, revenge, and dealing with dark shit. I love the monk mission, um seeing that poor monk with the forced implants made my heart shatter, so being able to help him and his brother made me really happy.  The Ballad of Buck Ravers made me grin because its one of the ones thats just pure fun and seeing how Johnny interacts with V. I love the boxing missions, especially with Cesar the Valentino and that I can choose to help him out because lbr he needs the cash and car more than V does. Delamain and his quests makes me happy. The only other one I’ll say (tho I do like a lot of gigs and side missions) is probably a specific Cyberpsycho one, where the game just takes a sudden hard dive into horror which I love. Cause its like a maelstrom cult and you’re investigating corpses in a bloody pentagram, as you start hallucinating the cyberpsycho, who then comes out of a ice filled tub in the center. Like it has an energy to it that I just fuck with. 

I’ll project and say my V is in a similar boat of liking the rescue missions, she likes feeling like she can do some good in the world despite being a merc. She also likes the ones that are avenging people or helping folks; killing corpos who fucked people over, tracking down the raw bd of a boy who was murdered to help solve the case, and things of that nature where it feels like she might actually be doing something good.  19. how do you feel about revenge? is it a worthy fighting to achieve or something that sucks you in too deep?

This is all on my V, cause I feel weird talking about my personal feelings of revenge. Given her job, V has seen a lot of kinds of revenge and is often asked to be the one to deliver it. And there’s revenge she gets and revenge she doesn’t get. She’s actually far more selective with what work she’ll do and isn’t afraid to blatantly go against what she’s suppose to do in order to do what feels right. Which sometimes pisses off her fixers, but they begin to understand that they just shouldn’t send her certain jobs. But she’s all for revenge against people who genuinely did wrong; because her logic is if she lets the corpo agent who killed an entire nomad family for scientific trials just go, the corpo will do it again. She sees it as taking them out before they can hurt others, like cutting out a cancer in society. But when it comes to shit like, go kill a guy for loving a girl in a rival gang???? No fucking way, she’s not killing someone for falling in love, eat a dick, she’s telling the kid to run. In terms of her personal life and revenge, she struggles a bit more, because when you add in your own feelings it feels a hell of a lot less black and white. And she sometimes struggles with the fact that her feelings don’t always make sense, she’s definitely not morally opposed to revenge and despite usually being more calm, there is always kinda this underlying layer of anger in her that when something makes that come to the surface she loses herself in it. She could have killed Dex, would have if she had gotten the chance, because he brought her into this mess, she vouched for him to Evelyn, trusted him as much as he supposedly trusted her; then everything went to shit and he threw her under the bus. She’d kill for that, for that hurt, that loss, that pain; it’d be revenge she’d get happily. Her nomad family for example though is more complicated...cause despite everything...she loves them, but they’re actively trying to kill her, that hurts but she can’t bring herself to be angry... or vengeful...just hurt. 

30. does Rogue Amendiares scare the shit out of you or are you weird

Controversial take, I guess I’m fucking weird. I’m not scared of Rogue, yet, I feel I should preface. And I do project this on V, so take it as the answer for both of us. I feel like the two biggest things that contribute to Rogue’s ability to scare/intimidate is her social standing in the fixer community (which comes with power of course) and something Johnny says when you go to talk to her, that she can see right through you, don’t waste time lying. And the first aspect of that, doesn’t mean shit to me. Like, while I know Rogue was badass in the past and eventually is actively doing shit later on in game, the fact of the matter is fixers aren’t shit. Don’t get me wrong, most of them are cool people, and its nice to be hooked up with clients. But they’re getting a large chunk of cash for being a middle man who’s too big of a baby to go get their hands dirty. Like, fixers aren’t scary to me even if they’re powerful ones, like what, you gonna send someone else to axe me while you sit around??? terrifying, kill me yourself, coward. 

As far as the other aspect of why Rogue is propped up to be intimidating, the idea she has built in bullshit detectors. I/my V don’t bullshit a whole hell of a lot at least not in the current context of how I’ve interacted with her (haven’t done tapeworm missions and her stuff with Johnny yet tho tbf). Like, i don’t have a reason to lie about needing Hellman, so why the fuck would I? However, if this bullshit detector also helps her pick up on emotional shit, like if my V tries to hide her feelings about stuff...thats gonna suck and be scary if Rogue like picks up on what V is really feeling. Because emotional vulnerability is a thousand times more terrifying than a fixer who could make V disappear with a snap. 

*Small fun fact when I first did the Panam mission, Johnny told me I had balls to go ahead and do the mission without telling Rogue first which I didn’t even know I was suppose to do but also why the fuck should I, she sent me to do the damn thing, I gotta call her everytime I sneeze too????? How is that ballsy????

SORRY ONCE AGAIN FOR SUCH A LONG RESPONSE, BUT THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE ASK, I APPRECIATE IT SO MUCH!!!!!

[00sheven]

655321

hello all. good day.

I guess it's been a relatively regular sort of day.

I have not worked on any insurance stuff as of yet.

however.

well let's begin at the beginning.

my sister clomped ( is that a real word?) he way into the outpost at 11am this morning.

she called up stairs to tell the kids she had "hot coco" then proceeded to clomp up and down the stairs.

I woke up, and got my bearings, put my sleeping bag in the wash and proceeded to start my day.

I've been sleeping later these days because I dread waking up and having to deal with all the unpleasantness that comes with trying to get your life back on track after the nuclear holocaust that we've gone through the first few months of this year.

as I said in earlier posts. 2020 has been a real kick in the balls.

as always the video games fired up immediately.

I guess the goose had got up early to do his homework.

he walked up stairs as I was putting away the remnants of my sleeping apparatus away.

the first thing that I witness was my youngest nephew benny have a complete meltdown because he was stuck in a spot on a video game. ( he just didnt want to play that part. it was kind of a puzzle. he wasnt down with that.) he got his older brother " billy goat" ( I have nick names for all the kids.) to get him through it. apparently billy goat wasnt going fast enough for him ( he is 7 by the way. I'm talking about benny. billy goat is 17) so he starts complaining and telling him to hurry up. billy goat gets pissed off and tells him to do it himself. at this point benny throws a bolt, his face turns beet red and starts screaming "you do it" over and over again until my sister interceded. I called him a spoiled brat. I think at that point of the day I was just checking my email. it was one of the first experiences I had today.

next

I decided to try and tackle my health insurance problem. I called medical and they gave me option of a call back which I took. the called me about 20 minutes later the woman I spoke to got me sorted on my medical benefits. she told me to start an online account to send in some paper work that they need from my employer, unemployment, and a statement I have to write out regarding being laid off. after we got done with medical I inquired about calfresh and we started the application process. then the call dropped. there was a call back but it dropped again when I picked up. I decided to start the process of creating my online account. ( *rant alert* the people at social services are unsung heroes and on the front lines everyday. they save people's lives. and they get yelled at and treated badly. I dont envy thier jobs. imagine to have to tell some one who is in dire need and at probably one of the most desperate times in thier lives that they cant be helped because of some regulation or guideline that some rich Republican made to keep people from getting assistance. we are all moochers in thier eyes.)

I'm getting off track.

next I try and create my online account.

1. enter name

enter user name

enter email

enter email again

enter password

enter password again

enter security question 1

enter security question 2

enter security question 3

enter next

somthing goes wrong please re enter password.

re enters password

next

somthing goes wrong please re enter password

re enters password

next

something goes wrong.

removes unacceptable character from password

next

2. enter first name

enter middle initial

enter last name

enter mailing address

select security picture

name security picture

next check e mail

3. select link in email to activate account

enter user name

there is no account with that user name

enter user name

there is no account with that user name

repeat steps 1 and 2

repeat steps 1 and 2

repeat steps 1 and 2

calls social services

although you can read through that rather quickly. it took much longer than that.

it's nice when you fumble through things that you have never done before with virtually no instruction. I may just have thick skull syndrome.

in the mean time the aural assault continues.

I get my call back maybe an hour later and after much explanation i finish my application via phone.

I have to be transferred to another social worker to swear that I have told the truth. they recorded me swearing that I have told the truth. I was terrified that I would be disconnected at the transfer and made the social worker swear that she would call back to see if everything went okay.

she did.

I love her.

as that was going on my sister and the kids went to pick up a pizza order.

they came back with pizza and at that point I say "fuck it" I blow my whole diet to hell. if your gonna die, die with your boots on, right!? that's gonna be hard if I dont have any god damn feet to put in the boots. right?!? (that was rhetorical)

I do it anyways.

I then proceed to have 2 big glasses of coke.

I'm spiked.

I'm like a junky rushing on my run. ( a serious lou reed bite)

I dont care about all the noise or my nephew telling my sister that he isn't gonna spend an hour on his home work.

or the fact that goose doesn't even acknowledge the fact that I'm alive today.

yeah that happend too.

what's up his ass.

I got a good mind to adjust his attitude.

a hi dad, I love you dad would be nice. maybe even to venture as far as giving me a hug would be greatly appreciated.

it's not like I dont need one.

so now I'm going to force my sugar junky emotionally broken ass to start working on my insurance class.

the sonic reducer ain't no fuckin loser mother fucker.

if you dont understand what that means.

figure it out, tough shit.

sincerly

me.

king of the dogs

3/24/20

[irwintry]

Garden Guru

Warnings: swearing

Author’s Note: i should rly work on some new stuff

Word Count: 6k

You didn't understand your mother's love for Gerber daisies. Personally, you were a petunia gal yourself. The yard had plenty of each, along with a million other flowers that had been purchased in spurts throughout the year. Ever since you could remember, the garage of your family home never housed cars, but pots and planters instead to contribute to your mother's love for gardening.

This "love" spread elsewhere by the time you were fourteen. She'd gathered enough money to buy out the old abandoned fresh food market on Locust Ave, and in under a year, the final renovations revealed a spectacular flower shop made with all kinds of love. The porch was filled with annuals and perennials, even succulents that you talked her into ordering. She asked you to paint the great big sign that would dangle from the entrance, and even though you've never been much of an artist, you complied. Betty Bloom Florals was now open.

While you were away at college, your mother ran the shop all by herself. She felt thankful for summers especially; sales were out the wazoo and you were there right by her side. When she wasn't managing Betty Bloom, she was offering herself off as a gardener for anyone willing to pay the fees. Her background in landscape landed her roles through the Parks and Recreation department of the town, which made it harder for her to "be the boss". Though she didn't necessarily sell Betty Bloom, it opened under new management. Now, she owned but never operated.

The yard of your childhood home was your favorite landscape design of all time. The patch of green by the back fence housed a willow with a tire swing younger Y/N used to love. To its left, a fairly large greenhouse (for a backyard, at least) sat, filled to the brim with flowers, fruits, and veggies. Just off of the porch, a stone path hugged by two ginormous flower gardens led back to the greenhouse.

The garden your mother created was the love of your life. When she couldn't tend to it, you took charge. She wasn't picky per se, but often, she'd tell you what she would have preferred. Nonetheless, she never complained. It wasn't just her garden; it was yours as well.

It was the summer before your senior year. Working was going to be the same as every year had been since you started high school, but those plans fell short when your mother asked you to help out with landscaping instead. You jumped at the opportunity; however, that meant more days cooped up at home in her office while the two of you tried to agree on many, many decisions.

You loved being the daughter of a florist/ gardener because most of the time, life felt so simple.

"Y/N?"

You hummed, stirring in your sleep as you dreamt about what you would be doing now if you had gone to Hogwarts. Would you be an Auror? Okay, maybe not. They're, like, the elite... You've got to be really good.

"Y/N!" That voice was no longer a whisper, and you were no longer thinking about wandering through the Ministry of Magic and glaring at the certain wizards you disliked.

"Hmm?" You blinked your eyes open, but they had nothing to adjust to. It was still pitch dark in your room. Maybe you were hearing things. You closed your eyes again.

"Y/N." It was your mother's voice. "I think there are kids in our backyard."

"Mmm kay."

"Y/N."

"What?"

"There are kids in our backyard," she repeated.

Your eyes shot back open, and you nearly sprung out of bed to take ahold of her arms. "The flowers!"

"Yeah, the flowers," she mocked, folding her arms meanwhile freeing herself from your tight grip. She glanced toward the window that faced the backyard and nodded towards it. "Maybe you can open your window and listen in."

"Won't they hear me?" you asked. Your stomach began to hurt; you had gotten up way too fast.

She shrugged. "Yeah, and? I think they're drunk. And, they're ruining our garden."

You liked that she said our garden, even though most of the gardening had been done by her before you came back from school. You huffed and stomped over to the window, kneeling down so you could get a good angle to open the window. You tried your best to keep quiet as you did so, but apparently, they hadn't heard a thing.

"Have you fucking found any?" one asked after a long moment of rustling.

"I can't see jack shit, Luke," another replied. "Get off my butt."

You looked back to your mother, even though she was barely a visible silhouette. The kids below had flashlights – off of their phones most likely, and they were shining all over the place. There looked to be about five or six separate people darting around the yard.

"I think I found so– Nah, sorry, it was an actual weed."

Behind you, your mother huffed. "I don't have weeds."

That was when it hit you. They didn't happen upon your yard randomly while trying to sneak out somewhere, they were trying to find pot. That was also something your mother didn't have (to the extent of your knowledge), so naturally, these drunk boys were trespassing for no real reason at all.

"That's what they want," you whispered.

"What?"

"They're looking for weed," you said. "Not weeds." You shut the window slowly and began in the direction of the stairs to the first floor. "You don't happen to grow pot, do you?"

Your mother gasped as she followed you. "Oh my gosh, you're kidding me! That's what they're looking for?"

"Yep."

You opened the sliding glass door with a loud bang, and immediately a bunch of distressed swears followed. A second later, you had switched on the light. Both you and your mom stood with your arms crossed, but when the light illuminated your backyard, only one perpetrator could be found. The tall blond boy was staring at the two of you, his eyes wide and watery, his mouth hung wide open. His hands were shaky as he held them up, meanwhile shining you right in the eye with his flashlight.

"I-I-I'm– I'm s-so– "

"What's your name, sweetie?" your mother questioned slowly, her tone sharp yet calm.

He swallowed, hardly moving anything but his mouth or head. "L-Luke."

"Ah," you chuckled. "You're Luke. Did you get off of that guy's butt?"

It would have been a better joke if Luke hadn't looked so damn terrified. A part of you wanted to shrug and tell him to get the hell out; he looked too scared to be guilty of anything. But then, you took a look at the garden. Your mother seemed to be on the same page, for she had to sit down on a patio chair to keep her heart from racing too hard.

"We're calling the police," you said, trying your best to sound stern. In reality, you wanted to go back to bed. You wanted to curl up under your sheets and go back to dreaming about live in the wizarding world, but now you were having to deal with a cute trespasser with drunk intentions just to find weed.

He began shaking his head, and even from far away, you could see his lip trembling. "Please, I'll– I'll do anything."

"I'm sorry, but– "

"Anything?" your mother asked. The question itself sounded as sketchy as it was written. She uncrossed her legs before standing up, her arms still folded while she stared this Luke guy down.

He nodded. He still hadn't moved otherwise.

"You've torn my garden to shreds for what– weed?" She had a way of scaring people without yelling, something you realized early on when you were a child. It was her discipline tactic. "Gardens don't take minutes to plant and grow, so my proposition for you is– "

"Anything," he said. "Promise." This poor Luke needed a break.

"I'll give you the tools, and you fix my garden back up just the way I had designed it." Your mom walked back to the sliding door. "Come back here tomorrow at nine in the morning. You're pulling everything."

"I-I... I don't know how to garden."

She shrugged. "Y/N will show you."

You had been nodding along, and the sentence almost escaped you. Your eyes widened as your head snapped in her direction. "What? No. This is all his fault." And his other friends' of course, but if you knew guys any better, you knew that there was no way he'd be able to get his other friends to help. They weren't in the kind of trouble he was. Surely, he was going to be pissed at them.

"You work for me, so I'm asking you to help him out," she whispered to you. "Look at those eyes. Maybe you'll fall for the felon."

You sighed and glanced back at Luke. His arms were starting to lower back to his sides, but his sad eyes were as large as Jupiter. You didn't want to admit that your mother made a convincing argument; now that you'd gotten a better look at him, he was as cute as a button. And, he was so freakin' tall. How on earth a normal human could look like the embodiment of Gumby, you had no idea.

You glanced around at the stirred-up hell he and his friends created, the anger bubbling in your stomach at the thought of the hard work you and your mom put into the garden. Now, you had to do it all over again, this time with a stranger that caused it all. But, your mom was right; you work for her.

"Fine," you said. "Nine tomorrow. Bring money. We've got a lot of shit to buy because of you."

He nodded, holding back a gulp as your mother prepared to head back inside. "Thank you." His voice had strained confidence in it, almost as if he was now trying to sound less-wimpy.

Truly, you didn't think he was a wimp. If you had been in his shoes, you would be terrified of getting arrested as well. The thing was, you liked the fact that he was scared. He deserved it for the mess he made.

You gave him a smile. "Don't thank us yet, Gumby."

-

You half-expected this kid to show up twenty minutes early (mostly because he looked so damn scared the night prior, so you figured he'd do anything to make it up to the both of you), but when he arrived at 9:30 in a flannel and jeans, you couldn't help but laugh. This was what you had to work with, someone who showed up late and in inappropriate clothing for the job.

"Are we going to like, Lowes or something?" Luke asked as he approached you on the front porch. He looked hungover and exhausted, but he was no longer in shock like he had been last night.

You slung your small backpack over your shoulder and brushed passed him without a second glance. "Sammi's Greenhouse. I hope you got a nice dandy playlist for the hour-long drive."

"Hour?" he questioned. He hadn't moved from his spot on the path to your house while you were now getting in the driver's seat of your car. "What the fu– "

You shut the door and turned on the ignition. When you looked back at him, he was rolling his eyes and finally making his way to the car. So, what? He was annoyed? You were dreading this now, and you were definitely going to text your mother a super long message once you arrived at Sammi's. By this rate, you were sure this garden would take the entire summer to manage. It would be too late by then.

"What are we going that far fo'?" he asked as he slid in the passenger seat. He made a face as he took in the interior of your car. Sure, it was somewhat messy, but Betsy had been through hell and back with you. "It's gonna take us all fuckin' day to get this dumb garden fixed."

"Listen, Gumby– " You took a breath as you began backing out of the driveway. "Clearly, you don't know shit about gardening, so how 'bout you start off by not speaking at all. Okay? You're damn lucky we're not reporting you. Suck it up and follow everything I do. You're already a pain in my ass and we haven't even left the neighborhood."

"Jesus... fine," he whispered as he began playing with the rings on his fingers.

"And, I hate to break it to you bud, but this dumb garden is going to take a little longer than one stupid day to fix," you continued. You were trying not to make your nerves known through your tone.

"What?"

Your eyes widened; his "what" had been so high and loud, you nearly slammed your foot on the brakes.

"How long's this gonna fuckin' take?" Meanwhile, as he spoke, he slipped on a pair of sunglasses that looked way too expensive to be worn in a car like Betsy. In fact, he looked way too expensive for Betsy. It made you wonder why he was scavenging around your garden for weed when he could most likely get as many grams as his dumbass wanted.

"Well," you said with a sigh, "to plant... maybe a week. Which, in all honesty, is the minimum approximate time I can give you. It's a big garden, and everything needs to be perfect to satisfy my mom. If one marigold is where a petunia should be, then I wouldn't be surprised if she threatened the police on you again. I mean, hell, Gumby, you all fucking dug up almost the entire garden."

"How do you know I didn't work alone?" he questioned, surprise lacing his tone. "Also, why do you keep calling me that?"

"What? Gumby?" you asked innocently. "You know Gumby, right?"

"That clay dude?"

"Yeah, you look like him," you said. You turned down Locust Ave.

"I do not."

"Hm, kinda do."

"No, fuck you, I– "

"Anyway, my mom and I heard you all from my bedroom." You didn't want to bicker with him at this early in the morning. "You guys weren't necessarily trying to be quiet."

"We were drunk." Luke had his entire body facing away from you as he watched the buildings go by outside. His fingers were drumming along the side while he spoke.

You chuckled. "Yeah, we know, dumbass." You took a short pause before continuing on with your previous thoughts. "But... not only are you going to help plant the garden, but I'm assuming my mom wants you to help tend to it too so you can count on being at my house a lot more than just a week, that's for sure."

"What the fuck," he muttered under his breath.

"Get some tunes ready, sweetie," you said. You certainly didn't like being around Luke, but you hoped to at least get along with him eventually. "It's gonna be a long road ahead."

Luke groaned but pulled out his phone nevertheless.

"So..."

"So?"

"You got a Pokey, Gumby?" You couldn't stop smiling.

He huffed. "Fuck off."

-

You knew the flowers your mother liked to plant off the top of your head, but apparently, it would have been helpful if you had written things down. On your own, shopping would have been fine; however, you were with Luke who had no idea how to tell the difference between hydrangeas and dahlias (which, quite honestly, you weren't that peeved about considering the fact that they were placed right next to each other in the greenhouse and the blooms were the same color).

"What do you think of these?" you asked as you glanced around at the pansies. It had already been about an hour since you arrived, and Luke was certainly having the time of his life as you took ten minutes picking out which flowers you deemed perfect. "My mom is kind of lenient sometimes when it comes to the flowers I prefer. Orange or blue?"

"Look, I literally don't– "

"Orange or blue?" you repeated, now agitated. He had been pissy ever since you arrived – well, he had been pissy all damn day technically.

"Blue," he replied. "How much is this all gonna be anyway? I don't need my bank callin' and askin' why I purchased a thousand dollars' worth of fucking flowers."

You shrugged. "Maybe they'll just assume you've actually found a passion for once in your life."

Luke clearly did not like your response. Not only had you avoided his question about the price, but you had also insulted his personality in a way. Granted, you knew nothing about him, so it was rude to assume he had no passions. Maybe he wanted to be an astronaut. He'd have to behave a bit better to get there.

"I'm in a band," he seethed. "I'd honestly rather be in jail right now than be here with you."

You laughed, but it stung. Laughter was your coping mechanism. Humor – in general – made you pretend to feel better about a lot of things. "'m sure bail is much more than this garden will ever cost, sweetie."

"Okay, don't call me that," he said. "Again, how much is this going to be?"

You tried to think back to previous years while you eyed the impatiens. According to your mother's garden plan, you needed a lot of those. You hadn't gone shopping with her since before college, and now you were nearly about to start your last year. Her garden designs had certainly changed since then, but you couldn't imagine the prices being too terribly different.

"A few hundred," you answered honestly. "Not more than five, I believe."

You couldn't tell if he believed you, but he stayed silent for the first time since the two of you met completely sober this morning. Luke rubbed his eyes and pushed the cart closer to you so you could begin loading a few plastic pots. Poor old Betsy would not be able to handle this load, so, like in years past, you would have to get Peter to transport a few as well.

Peter was a friend of your family's. He had been working at Sammi's for as long as you could remember, and ever since you and your mom became garden goddesses, he had been helping you out. Most often, he'd take the heavy load of flowers or bushes in his pick-up, and then you'd give him a generous tip at the end. Even though Luke was paying for the whole purchase, you were going to give Peter the tip for personal reasons.

"'m not sure this is even legal," Luke mumbled after a few quiet minutes.

You winced; you had been hoping for more silence. "What?"

"You should've taken me to court," he said, "and then you could've given the judge an alternative. According to the law, 'm not sure you and your mum can make the rules."

"You scratch our back, we'll scratch yours."

"Don't think that's the case, darlin'," he replied, and he even cracked a smile. That was the first time he had given you a genuine smile that wasn't a fake or mean laugh of some sorts.

You put one foot up onto the cart and began pushing with the other so you could ride with it. The weight of the many flowers kept the whole thing from tipping over with you. Behind you, Luke muttered a "Jesus" under his breath, but he laughed anyway.

"You do it, too, Gumby." You nodded towards his own cart – also full of flowers. It was most likely time to start loading the car before coming back for more. "Make fun of this escapade."

He simply shook his head as he unbuttoned his flannel one or two times. "There's nothing fun about this escapade. I wouldn't even call it an escapade. And, dunno if ridin' a damn cart like a four-year-old will make it any better."

You shrugged again. "Not with that attitude." You were kind of surprised with how well you and Luke got along, despite the fact that it appeared you two disliked each other strongly. Truthfully, you were starting to like bantering with him, and you could tell he was lying about not having fun. At least you were having fun. "Hey, can I ask ya somethin'?" You sped down an aisle, kicking the concrete as if you were riding a scooter.

Luke trailed slowly behind you as he said, "you just did."

You rolled your eyes. "Okay, stupid. Whatever. Why were you and your friends in our yard anyway? Why did you think we had weed?"

"Someone pranked us, I think," he answered and pulled his cart up next to you. "Need geraniums?"

"Yes, thank you." You eyed the many colors and began picking the pots up one-by-one.

"Mhm."

"Pranked you?" you asked, picking up a pot of lavender-colored geraniums and putting them into your very full cart. "How so?"

Luke let out a cough. It sounded like he was clearing his throat, but it came out much louder than he probably suspected. "We were tryin' to find some at this party because my friend Cal's dealer didn't show, and this one dude gave us the address to your house because he said the owner's – you and your mum – grew some. Think he just knew you both loved gardening 'n shit. I do feel terrible."

"'s quite a story," you said. "Ya looked fucking guilty last night, so I get you're sorry. Sorry you have to endure all of this with me."

He chuckled softly. "You're all right, I guess. I just don't know shit about gardening."

You set one last geranium into your cart and turned to Luke with a great big grin. "I'm the garden guru, sweetie. Just wait, by the end of this summer, you'll know everything there is to know about gardening."

"Again, don't call me sweetie."

You sent him a wink. "Let's get ready for round two, sweetie. Time to buy some bulbs."

-

The first week went better than you had imagined it to. Luke finally knew how to dress appropriate for gardening and hot weather, and the two of you no longer sent each other glares when the other said something wrong. At least, by this point, you both knew what not to say.

You were glad a portion of the garden had been salvageable. Some of the perennials were still a-okay, so you didn't have to buy as many bulbs as you did with buying pots of annuals. However, you did have to buy a shit ton of soil because your mother insisted that the other was soiled. She joked about it, but you were somewhat annoyed because that was more work than needed.

So, the garden was looking... better.

Luke could only work in the mornings due to his actual job in the afternoon, which meant that not a lot would get done. On the days he was late, his presence felt pointless. It took over a week to actually get one thing planted. He and his friends had unrooted nearly everything (aside from that one portion), plus the greenhouse was a fucking disaster.

As a token of your mother's gratitude, she offered you up to make Luke lunch on the days he was working. While you weren't happy about it, you did it nevertheless. He hadn't put up a fight since the proposal was offered the night he trespassed. His attitude surely sucked sometimes, but he did want to make it up to the both of you. The least you could do was feed him.

He met your dog Bubbles on a Tuesday. Your dog was nervous around people, so it was a slow introduction that ended in Luke being attacked with kisses. It shocked you at first. In all of your years of owning Bubbles, he had never once been fond of any of your friends. You hoped he liked Luke solely because you weren't friends.

"Why do you have animal crackers?" he asked on a Friday morning. It had been two weeks since he began helping to fix the garden. A lot of things had been planted, and the next plan was to figure out where to get replica items for your mother's old fairy garden. "And, what are Whales?" Luke tossed you the box of Cheez-It's you had asked him to reach for you since he was standing, and the food was in the top cupboard. "Why do you need these many crackers?"

"Stop being mean," you whined with a pout. "Those are the frosted animal crackers, and they're good. And, you have to try Whales. They're like better Cheez-It's."

"Then why are you eating Cheez-It's?"

"Shut it, Gumby."

Luke mocked your tone with incoherent words but he still opened the box of Whales. You watched as he took a few in his mouth, and you waited for his reaction after he finished chewing.

He hummed. "Not bad. Not better than the white cheddar Cheez-It's though."

"Oh no," you gasped. "You like white cheddar? Have fun in jail."

"Ha-ha." Luke turned to the fridge, but before he opened it, he examined the magnets and pictures on the front. "Is this you?"

"Hm?"

He held up the picture of a little girl – you – holding up two lollipops with a cute grin on your face. You were always told that you wore your happiness well as a child. You had been so excited to win lollies in school that your mother actually kept the picture.

"I won a spelling bee," you said. "Got two lollipops as a reward."

"Huh, cool."

"The final word was knives," you chuckled. "I don't know why I remember that, but I also remember feeling confused as to why the other kid didn't know how to spell it."

Luke set the picture back under a magnet and opened the fridge. "You were cute," he said as he pulled out a yogurt. "Can I have this?"

You nodded. "Did you just compliment me, Gumby?" You pretended to be shocked, even faked a gasp, but you actually were kind of surprised he had said that.

"I said were, darlin'," he replied with a smirk. "Why would I compliment someone who calls me Gumby?"

"It's endearing."

"Not one bit, Pokey."

You let out another gasp, except this time, this one was as real as climate change (which is very, very real). "I'm your Pokey? I'm so honored."

Luke rolled his eyes as he peeled the film lid off of the yogurt. He didn't reply, but he smiled. To you, that said enough.

-

You started noticing your feelings right when the two of you were finishing up planting. The garden wasn't flourishing as of yet, but for the most part, the dirty work had been done. Now, all Luke had to do was visit in the mornings to water. You honestly believed that he enjoyed this work now. He no longer complained, nor did he whine or groan when he had to bend over. He even stayed longer into the afternoon even though you were positive he had another job.

He laughed at your jokes. Your dry, corny humor couldn't please a child, but he laughed, and it felt genuine. His eyes would crinkle, and the harder the laugh, the higher the pitch. It made your heart swell. It was because of his laughter that you were able to recognize the feelings it gave you. And, it sucked.

Most of all, it sucked because your mother was right.

You were falling for the stupid felon.

"Did you ever tell your friends off for leaving you that night?" you asked. You were nibbling on a granola bar while Luke was turning on the hose. "If my friends did that to me, I'd probably– "

"No," he said sharply. He began watering right away, his hand tight against the handle of the spray nozzle he had been forced to purchase. Somehow, someone had snapped the handle on the old one the night of the trespassing. "'m not very good at talking to people about stuff that upsets me."

"Does that upset you?"

"What, that I can't talk to people about what they did wrong?" he questioned.

You nodded.

Luke shrugged as he wandered over to the bushes by the fence. "I guess."

"Well, there ya go!" you exclaimed. You set down the granola bar wrapper on the table nearby, and afterward, you nearly tripped on his glorious stonework on your way over to him. "'s solved. Now you can address it."

He sent you a playful glare, and you could tell it was playful because of the small smirk that had adorned his face. He had a beautiful smile, you had to admit. It was accompanied by a damn good pair of lips as well. You especially liked making him smile.

"'m not good at anything, really," he mumbled. "Singing... I guess. Shit at gardening and shit at feelings."

"Okay, first of all," you started, "you were shit at gardening. You had me so you're pretty damn good now, I would say. I can officially give myself a pat on the back for that one." You were beaming. Talking to him made you happier than you wanted it to.

Luke pushed his curls back from his forehead, giving you a perfect glance at his ring-clad fingers. He even had his nails painted a dull red. The color had started to chip, but it suited him nonetheless. "You givin' me a compliment?"

"Oh, no," you said, shaking your head. "I'm giving myself a compliment."

Luke shook his own head as he started to cackle quietly. Suddenly, he had the hose turned on you, and you began to shriek as his laughter became the cute squealy laughter that made your insides burn.

"Fuck, fuck!" You started to run around, but Luke was hot on your tail as he changed the settings on the nozzle. What had been the shower setting was now the jet setting, and you were being pelted. "Ow, you dummy!"

His giggles only got louder as he hit you with the cone setting, and at least the water on that one hurt less than the fucking jet. "Slow down!" he shouted after you. "I've missed a spot on your ass." He cornered you by the greenhouse, and just as he thought he had gotten you good, you were able to grab the hose from his slippery grip. Luckily, the hose was long enough to reach this far back in the yard.

"Payback, bitch," you said with a grin as you sprayed him. You expected him to run away as you had done, but instead, he stepped closer to you.

His laughter died down only slightly, yet you hardly noticed the change before he closed the space between the two of you. The water hit him directly in the stomach as his hand found the back of your neck to pull you into him. Your lips met in a sloppy yet comforting kiss, the kind of first kiss that people talked about for years. It was like kissing in the rain, but also completely different at the same time.

He pulled away almost as fast as he had initiated the kiss. His hair was hanging in his eyes, the strands dripping wet as he wiped the water off of his nose. That only caused you to aim the water at his face as another fit of giggles erupted through your body.

"Gonna fuckin' get you for this," he muttered, taking you by the waist and hoisting you over his shoulder.

"No, no, no!" you shrieked, hitting his back and spraying his butt with the jet setting.

"Hey, that's inappropriate," he whispered into your ear.

You lifted the hose again, hitting him in the face once more. "Eat my butt, Gumby."

You did not mind falling for the felon one bit.

-

You saw Luke less after that. It was partially due to the fact that the garden had been finished, and all he needed to do was stop by and water them. But, he never stayed to talk. This not only crushed you but made you resent letting yourself open up in the first place. The steady banter had been comfortable, and you should have kept it that way. You let yourself fall for someone who wasn't ready for anything in the first place.

You wanted to believe that you spoke too soon the day he pecked your lips goodbye. He made sure to wink and wave on his way out, yet somehow, your heart fell deep into your chest. Someone who didn't want to give you everything wasn't worth your time. Luke said had a tendency to avoid talking about things that upset him, but you weren't going to let yourself do the same.

"Hey, Gumby," you said, your tone a little too harsh as you approached him one morning.

He had taken his shirt off due to the incredulous heat index of the day, and it was only ten in the morning. He turned as soon as he heard your voice. "Hm?"

"Do you have feelings for me?" you questioned. You weren't going to sugarcoat anything. You wanted the answers as straightforward as possible.

Luke released his grip on the handle of the nozzle. "What?" His eyes had widened slightly, and if he hadn't already been red due to the heat, you would have assumed the question made him blush.

"Do you like me? Are you into me? Would you fuck me? Just let me know."

He blinked rapidly. "Why are you asking all of this?"

You shrugged, but you knew why you were asking all of this. You let out a laugh before you continued. "Because you fucking kissed me, you dumbfuck. You kissed me twice, and that was it! You've hardly talked to me since. Were you just doing it because you knew I liked you? Or do you actually fucking like me back?"

Luke dropped the hose and ambled towards you, his long legs taking him to you in under a second. Both of his hands grabbed hold of your cheeks as he pressed his lips to yours. The kiss grew heated in a matter of milliseconds. His tongue slipped in between your lips before you could register what had even happened. You felt warm all over, and it wasn't because of the hot air.

His lips left yours a moment later, slipping away with a filthy pop before he began kissing along your cheeks and forehead.

"What does this mean?" you whispered lowly and gripped his wrists loosely.

Luke retracted, looking right into your eyes so he could say exactly what he wanted. "It means I like you back," he responded. He swallowed thickly and pressed another quick kiss to your lips. "And, I'm bad at feelings," he whispered, "so I'm sorry I did that to you. 'm really sorry."

His hands found your waist as he started kissing you again. You wound your fingers in his long blond curls, not even worrying about how sweaty they might be. You couldn't find it in yourself to worry about anything but how well you were kissing him. Your lips were numb as he pulled away again, and you found yourself glancing down at his exposed chest so you wouldn't have to look into his eyes.

You were too giddy, but looking at the hairs on his chest was not helping your case one bit.

Suddenly, Luke was bending over and reaching for the hose, quickly turning it back on and spraying you like had done a week or two prior. His loud giggles filled the air, and even though you were screaming for dear life, you had never felt happier.

[palmettofoxden]

Hi - was just wondering what would happen if Andrew got drugged at Edens one night??? Like maybe Roland gives them the clean drinks then goes away and Neil is busy clearing the crowd and Andrew is completely distracted by him for a miniscule second and someone drugs his drink either on purpose or by accident meaning it for someone else???? Not sure how it'd happen but... What would happen to the poor baby??? Would he go manic again???? PLEASE MY HEART I'M SORRY

So, obviously, the monsters go to Roland for their drinks. And, obviously, Roland doesn’t roofie Andrew. But while Andrew is pushing through the crowd and distracted by Neil or when Roland is turned around getting another drink and Andrew is watching him and not the tray someone slips something into one of the drinks. And Andrew is the unlucky one that drinks it, but also Andrew would probably want it that way over one of the others getting roofied.

Andrew doesn’t realize what is wrong at first. His head hurts, but the music is loud and Kevin hasn’t stopped talking since Aaron and Nicky left. Andrew is getting so tired, but it’s late and Kevin’s talking is tiring him out and they did have that stupid game that Neil made him work his ass off in last night and he did drive them here instead of napping in the back of the car. Andrew kind of feels like he’s going to throw up. He’s not even drunk. He shouldn’t be worrying about throwing up. He’s felt fine all day and he hasn’t drunk any more than usual. He stands up because oh shit if he’s going to throw up he’s not going to do it on the floor. But he’s dizzy and tired and something is off with his vision and he sits back down. He’s drunk. Except he knows his tolerance and he didn’t drink past it. He knows what drunk feels like and this is wrong. This isn’t it. Andrew is panicked and confused and tired and his head fucking hurts so much he might puke yet, but he looks at Kevin and Neil. Kevin stopped talking now. They’re both staring at him. He can’t tell if they’re okay or if there was something in their drinks too because his brain isn’t working right and fuck how is he supposed to look after them?

Neil asks Andrew “Are you okay?” And Andrew’s voice sounds weird to his own ears as he asks “Where’s Aaron? …Where’s Nicky?” Neil is worried about Andrew because there is definitely something wrong with Andrew right now and Neil knows Andrew knows his limits and Neil knows Andrew doesn’t cross them and he saw that Andrew didn’t have more drinks than usual but something is wrong and just like at Luthor’s he’s more worried about Aaron than about himself which is a sign that whatever it is is bad. There’s no way Neil is leaving Andrew like this so, without taking his eyes off of Andrew to look at Kevin, Neil tells him “Go get them.”

Andrew tells Neil “Go with him.” Because Andrew doesn’t want Kevin on his own in here when someone already put something in his drink. He can’t protect Kevin, so he needs Neil to take his place. He needs them to find Aaron and Nicky and he needs Neil to keep Kevin safe. Except Neil and Kevin ignore that and Kevin didn’t have anything extra in his drink and he takes off without Neil when Neil tells him “Go.” Andrew is annoyed, but can’t even argue because he doesn’t have the energy and because where the fuck is Aaron? He needs to know if someone put something in his and Nicky’s drinks too.

Neil tries to ask Andrew “What’s wrong?” Andrew sets his arms on his table and his head on his arms. How can he be this tired with the music this loud and while he is this alarmed? He says something Neil can’t hear over the music and Neil doesn’t understand because why does it seem like someone put something in his drink and why was it just Andrew’s and they went to Roland, this should not have happened. And Neil feels stupid for paying too much attention to Andrew and not watching their drinks while they were at the bar. Neil doesn’t know what to do and he doesn’t want to touch Andrew without permission because that would be bad on a good day and even worse now and he really hopes Kevin gets back with Nicky and Aaron soon.

It feels like it takes Kevin forever to find them and bring them back to the table and Andrew’s face is still in his arms when they get there. Aaron looks at Neil like this is his fault and asks “What the fuck happened to him?” Neil doesn’t know though. Aaron and Nicky left and Andrew and Kevin kept drinking and then Andrew wasn’t okay. Nicky goes to touch Andrew to try to wake him up or see if he’s okay or awake and Neil tells him “Don’t.” Nicky freezes with his hand halfway to Andrew because Neil tends to know best about these kinds of things. Neil isn’t sure Andrew is still conscious, but he leans closer to him and loudly tells him “Andrew, Aaron’s here.” Aaron looks at Neil confused because why the fuck would that matter that he specifically is here? But Andrew’s head lolls to the side and his eyes don’t look totally focused but he looks up at Aaron and says something that they can’t make out, but Neil knows Andrew well enough to know that Andrew is worried about Aaron even though the thing happened to him. So Neil keeps his eyes on Andrew and tells him “Aaron’s fine. There wasn’t anything in his drinks.”

Nicky wants to leave and get Andrew home, but actually getting Andrew from the table to the car is a whole other thing and they can’t leave now anyways because Aaron stormed off and the absolute last thing Neil wants to do right now is leave Andrew while he’s in this state and go follow Aaron to figure out what the fuck he is doing just taking off like the asshole he is while Andrew is drugged and needs him, but Neil knows Aaron is Andrew’s top concern so Neil looks between Kevin and Nicky and tells them “Stay with him. Don’t touch him and don’t let anyone else.” Andrew is dimly aware Neil is leaving and he is worried about it but his limbs feel too heavy to move to try to stop him.

Neil heads off after Aaron and finds him at the bar yelling at Roland, accusing him of drugging Andrew because he’s jealous Andrew’s fucking Neil instead now and yelling at Roland because Roland insists it wasn’t him and “Well then who the fuck was it? Show me so I can punch the fucker.” And Roland doesn’t know who it was and he didn’t see anything and he’s trying to ask if Andrew’s okay, but Aaron just keeps yelling and taking all his anger out on Roland because Andrew is drugged and Roland should have seen it and stopped it and now Roland can’t even tell him who in this club’s ass he has to kick for drugging his brother.

Neil wanted to yell at Aaron for taking off when Andrew needs him. His speech was coming together on the way over here, but Aaron is pissed off and shaken up and willing to fight anyone over what happened and there are tears in his eyes while he’s yelling and Neil’s pretty sure he shouldn’t be staring like this, but he is because Aaron is furious and crying over Andrew getting drugged and it is hard to hate him even if he is being stupid and useless right now because Neil is pissed the fuck off at whoever put Andrew through this too. Roland sees Neil and looks to him and Neil can’t tell if he’s looking to Neil for help or just waiting for Neil to yell at him too. Aaron doesn’t even acknowledge Neil. Neil grabs his arm and Aaron rips it back out of his grip so aggressively that Neil’s a little surprised Aaron’s shoulder stayed in its socket. Aaron growls out “Get the fuck off of me.” Neil tells him “It wasn’t Roland.” And he really is amazed by how sure he is of this when Roland helped drug him his first night in Columbia. But Neil does trust Roland, especially with Andrew. Andrew trusts Roland and if Roland was the kind of guy who would roofie him, Andrew wouldn’t still be friendly with him after their old hookup arrangement. Aaron still doesn’t budge, so Neil adds “He doesn’t know who it was. This isn’t helping anything.” Aaron knows that it isn’t helping anything and he’s pissed because he wants to beat the fucker up. He wants something physical to hit and blame for this. He wants something to do to help and that is less terrifying than trying to figure out how to help Andrew, especially when Neil always seems to know best. Aaron growls out “Why aren’t you with him?” Neil says “Because I’m stuck here making sure you don’t do anything stupid while Andrew can’t stop you himself. Nicky and Kevin are with him, but I want to go back. Which means you have to get your head out of your ass and actually help him for once.”

Aaron growls out “Fuck you” because he does plenty to help Andrew all the time without any explanation, but Neil doesn’t really give a fuck if Aaron is mad at him. He’s trying to bait him into being pissed at him and trying to prove him wrong instead of keeping them all here while he tries to track down someone he knows nothing about. Aaron seems to take the bait because after turning to give Roland a parting “Do your fucking job next time” he stalks off back in the direction of the table and Neil is too busy following him so he can get back to Andrew to say anything to Roland or even look at him again before leaving.

Back at the table, Nicky is arguing with Andrew. Which is really more Nicky nervously trying to talk Andrew into letting them carry him and insisting he has to leave somehow and he can’t walk like that and Andrew is just making groaning noises that Nicky is pretty sure mean that Andrew doesn’t want that and he doesn’t want to make Andrew uncomfortable or get himself stabbed at a later date for it. Nicky visibly is relieved when Aaron and Neil come back to the table and he looks right at Neil and says “Great. You carry him.”

Neil still doesn’t want to help Andrew without Andrew’s permission, but they’ve got to get him out of the bar somehow. Neil crouches down and sets his chin on the edge of the table so he can look at Andrew at eye level and says “Andrew, we have to carry you.” Andrew doesn’t react and Neil’s brain is screaming at him that this is not okay and this is not permission, but they’re all looking at Neil and waiting for him to talk Andrew into this while Andrew is in no condition to be deciding what he is okay with. Neil ignores the way the others are watching them and tells Andrew “We’re going to carry you out of here so we can get you home. Me and Aaron.” Aaron doesn’t know why him but doesn’t argue. Neil is confident Andrew would be least alarmed with Aaron the other one carrying him and also Neil and Aaron’s heights are more compatible for it. Neil keeps going and tells Andrew “We’re only going to touch you over your clothes and we’re just going to put your arms over our shoulders. Okay?” Andrew just stares at Neil, but he doesn’t try to argue, so Neil figures this is the best they’re going to get at this point. He stands up straight again and looks at Aaron and says “Stand on his other side.”

Andrew doesn’t resist them and Aaron and Neil carefully position Andrew’s arms over their shoulders. Neil grabs onto Andrew’s wrist through his armband instead of his hand and Neil said they were only going to touch Andrew over his clothes, so Aaron copies Neil and holds Andrew in place by the wrist through his armband. Kevin and Nicky clear a path for them and it isn’t an overly quick process but they get Andrew outside. Neil keeps one hand on Andrew’s wrist and pulls his keys out with the other. He tosses them at Nicky and tells Kevin to go with him to get the car because Andrew wouldn’t want Nicky taking off alone right now. So then it’s just Aaron and Neil holding up semi-conscious Andrew. Aaron says “If he remembers us carrying him tomorrow and is pissed, I’m blaming you.” Neil is not surprised and says “I don’t care. I’d rather he be pissed at me and safe.” Aaron doesn’t say anything, but he gives Neil a look that makes Neil uncomfortable and makes Neil have to look away because he doesn’t know how to handle anything but indifference and hatred and anger out of Aaron.

Nicky brings the car around and Aaron and Neil help Andrew into the passenger seat. Neil goes to get in the back with Kevin and Aaron, but Nicky gets out and points out Andrew would want him to drive and so Neil gets into the front instead. They drive back in a silence even Nicky doesn’t break and Andrew falls asleep against his window. When they get back to Columbia, Aaron is ready to help without being told this time. He opens the door and Neil catches Andrew’s shoulder through his shirt so Andrew doesn’t half fall out of the car and he feels guilty putting his hand on Andrew like this without permission while he is asleep. Neil unbuckles Andrew and Nicky unlocks the door while Neil and Aaron carry him into the house. They put him in Nicky’s bed instead of his own so they don’t have to drag him upstairs and Nicky takes Andrew’s for the night. Kevin follows them and stands there for a second and then leaves when Andrew is in bed. Nicky stands there worrying about Andrew and frowning for a few minutes before he reluctantly goes upstairs to take Andrew’s bed and to let Andrew rest and let Neil watch over him. And then it’s just Aaron and Neil waits for Aaron to make the ‘you better not rape him while he’s drugged up and easy prey’ comment, but Aaron doesn’t. He just stands there looking at Andrew without saying anything and then eventually leaves without a word to go to his own bed and leaves Neil to look after Andrew if he needs anything and Neil realizes that at some point Aaron started trusting him with Andrew. Neil sits up in Nicky’s room for a long time but, eventually, he falls asleep too.

In the morning, Nicky plays the concerned parent role and makes sure Andrew is okay and keeps getting him water to drink and makes sure he eats something, even if Andrew just picks at it. Andrew doesn’t say anything about Neil or Aaron carrying him and he doesn’t ask about or comment on how he got back from the bar.