#i wont tag the two people i tagged in my first post again so that i dont bother them again shdjz

[idkwhatimdoingbutslay]

… I can’t imagine that we actually watched the same show. Like I REALLY AISNSOSNWKMEJDND

hold on I’m gonna need to calm down.

Let me just make a list of why I disagree and at least organize my anger. Long post incoming.

Vander was friends and had a deal with Grayson. The sheriff. Idk what else to even add to that

Caitlyn is more than a cop and Arcane isn’t copaganda. Genuinely don’t know what kind of progress some of these people are looking for. Real allies are a necessity for real progress.

SILCO IS A CLASS TRAITOR. HE FUNNELLED DRUGS INTO THE UNDERCITY AND PUT POOR KIDS IN FACTORIES FOR THAT DRUG FOR PROFIT!!! HE PAID THE ENFORCERS TO LET HIM DO IT WITHOUT CONSEQUENCE

Vi is not as much as an activist as you would like to believe

WHY IS EKKO NEVER EVER BROUGHT UP IN THESE CONVERSATIONS????

Silco was not good for the Undercity

Silco was not a great guy. Ekko had to build an entire separate hidden community for the people he hurt and stepped on for his own benefit

Caitlyn is ignorant and naive. That’s ok. That’s what character development is for.

Loving imperfect characters like Silco and Jinx then hating characters like Vi and Caitlyn is peak media illiteracy to me

FOR THE LAST TIME: VI DIDNT ABANDON POWDER!!!!! Silco literally wanted Vi DEAD for trying to stop him from killing Vander??? How could you possibly say silco was there for jinx when Vi refused to be???? SHE WAS IN PRISON BECAUSE OF HIM???

Silco’s manipulation is working wonders on y’all

Embracing all the outrage without at all looking out for the people harmed by bigotry is not activism

SILCO IS A CLASS TRAITOR x929282929394

Caitlyn was the first person in years to show Vi kindness and care. She listened and stuck by her and took care of her after Vi was locked up for years and beat up by cops (i wonder what led her to be thrown in there?). Cait being a cop stopped being a point of contention once Vi recognized her naivety and genuineness.

NUANCE NUANCE NUANCE. ITS NEVER EVER BLACK AND WHITE

The only way I can see Vi touching ‘class traitor’ in season one was the shimmer raid. Guess who the hell put those kids in there in the first place.

Just hanging out with Caitlyn isn’t being a class traitor if Vander’s allowed to be friends with Grayson.

Critical thinking is very necessary for watching shows like Arcane

What the hell did Silco really do for the Undercity???? What changed over the 7(ish) years he was basically in power of the place? All I’ve heard was he made the air cleaner, which would be great except for, you know, shimmer and the child factory workers

Jinx is unwell and feeding into it like this in a fully serious manor would not help Arcane as a show at all

What do you want Arcane’s message as a full show to be? ‘Screw cops’? That’s a little boring and unproductive isn’t it?

CAN WE TALK ABOUT EKKO AND HIS IMPACT PLEASE???? x9382728283

Caitlyn is trying to make Piltover and Zaun a better place. Is that not allowed? Am I missing something?

Caitlyn and Vi’s arcs have only just started. Season one is basically fully set up except for characters like silco and Jinx. This is far from the end.

Genuinely think Vander would appreciate Vi for being friends (using this term loosely because they are in love) with Caitlyn considering he was the one who was opposed to war and Vi wasn’t.

Silco should NOT be your idea of Undercity independence and respect. He oppressed the Undercity the same way the Council and the Enforcers did. He helped no one but himself, his team (barely) and Jinx.

You’re allowed to like and dislike any character you want but pretending like Silco is better for the Undercity than others is just so ridiculous to me. Everyone is of course completely allowed to like Silco, but we can’t pretend like he’s this stand up guy. If you have to pretend like he was, maybe you don’t like him as much as you think.

“Because Cait’s pretty” is also incredibly incorrect. Go check point #14.

Vi never stopped loving and caring for Powder. Powder’s mental health issues were amplified and utilized by Silco because he couldn’t even heal himself.

If all of your opinions of Caitlyn and Vi start and end with “cops suck” and “class traitor” then you genuinely don’t respect Arcane as a show enough to show you nuance.

The misinterpretation of characters is just so … it’s like you go out of your way to love and/or hate characters no matter how much they show you who you are.

Your closed mindedness is clouding your judgement and making you out to seem like you don’t actually want the Undercity’s triumph, you want Silco and Jinx’s, even if it means ruining the Undercity. And that would be fine because father/daughter evil duo but trying to say you’re all for this duo because you want what’s better for the Undercity when they continue to hurt it is simply not correct and very harmful (to fictional characters in a fictional universe 😭)

Only being able to understand how Silco and Jinx were oppressed and therefore should be able to not just destroy Piltover but also Zaun is not the eat you think it is

Why is Viktor never called a class traitor? I think he's great (I also think Silco and Jinx are wonderfully written) but we hardly saw him in the Undercity/ interact with people from the Undercity plus he killed someone (Sky) from there (accidentally)

EDIT TO ADD ANOTHER POINT: Caitlyn has shown little to NO malicious intent and has no real negative impacts other than Jinx’s attachment issues and insecurities being amplified by her mere existence. Again, this is her story and development. Throughout the season she is exposed to reality and recognizes her and her peers/ families wrongs. I have no idea what you want from this character. Should Piltover just be gotten rid of in the story? Then what? Should Caitlyn have just never gotten involved and continued to embrace her privilege? Should she have left Vi in prison and stay ignorant?

[fedoranon]

Call me Peerless Cucumber the way I keep reading books that skate around the interesting bits of the story all fucking day, leaving me to yell at the clouds, shaking my fist impotently

3 in a row!!!!!!

[hollyhomburg]

Before I Leave You (Pt.73)

(Omegaverse au, Mafia au, Bts x Reader)

Summary: You are everything to Yoongi, the yoke in his egg, the daffodils on the sidewalk, the sunshine in the morning. Everything. He just had to remember it. 

Tags: Nightmares, angst, hurt/comfort, mention of food issues but they're only talked about in terms of the m/c getting better.

W/c: 10.0k

A/n: the irony of this chapter is that it's going to come out during the wedding of the two people who live in the house that inspired bily, the last time i was there there where sprouts growing in every windowsill and a fluffy throw on every couch so <3 everything will be alright wont it? the house is filled with love in this universe as well as the bily one <3

Previous part- Masterlist - First part

Downstairs, you and Hobi are shrouded in a particular kind of fuzzy warmth. The kind that only comes from knowing you do not have to be in control anymore. That there is no hidden consequence waiting for you. no shoe to drop. no monster under your bed.

The downstairs is shrouded in that kind of quiet and comfort that comes with warm evenings and supple hands that have nothing to do but loving and set about diligently at that task. Like cold breezes in summer, icing and chocolate, and sunshine on raspberries warming their sugar.

But the upstairs nest room is not so peaceful.

Tae’s post-coitus talks are legendary at this point, as Yoongi sits on the edge of the nest, not looking at her because to look at Tae is to encourage more truth to fall from her lips. He busies himself with tucking jungkook in. Sprawled asleep. And tries not to listen to the truth that Yoongi neither wants nor believes he needs.

Right now his brain is fuzzy and prone to believing her.

There are small things all around the nest, pieces of the pack and remnants and evidence of the time the three of them spent here hours ago taking Jungkook apart and putting him back together again. Fucking then sleeping then waking up to fuck again. The arousal burns low at present, sated for now.

A discarded shirt of Jungkook’s sits tangled in a pair of handcuffs because he’d gotten too squirmy for Tae's liking, a silk scarf of Tae’s because he’d gotten mouthy too. A notepad and a bit of paper. Lines scrawled out because Tae’s post-knot clarity always gives her a few good poems, a few good lines.

Yoongi doesn't have to read them to know they're about you. Almost everything Tae writes has You and Jimin in it. The others are there too every now and then- but if Tae had to say it Yoongi knows you and Jimin are her muses.

It takes Tae a few months to digest her feelings into something palatable. Yoongi didn’t need to ask what time period it was written about as he read over her shoulder, pressing kisses to her lips between the lines. Trying not to be a distraction but wanting to be a distraction worthy of Tae’s attention.

This poem that he'd watched her scrawl out, pen to her lips between stanzas. It has the first few months of your relationship all over it.

I know I over-feed the cat, but I can’t help it. If you could eat the love I have for you what would it taste like? Would it be mangoes- Sticky, yellow, sweet. Eat Till the threads of it get stuck Between your teeth. Would it leave you full and sleepy- like bread and pasta? Rigatoni, Penne, pastina stars The candy toothache of my heart Swells thick and gummy. Eat up. I must admit I grow addicted to the brown sugar of your being. Would my love stain the edge of your smile? Like strawberries? Blueberries? Black? I must admit I am afraid of food metaphors When it comes to you. Because just like with food, I fear if I don’t give you enough You’ll go starving, Out of some sense Of beauty and responsibility. Could you love me enough, Would you love me enough if I’m good? Salt, fat, acid, heat. What is owed at our table- A full meal or half? Desert or just a snack? Just tea please, I’m not hungry. I already ate. I know I overfeed the cat, but I can’t help it- I can’t help it at all. If you would eat the love I have for you, Would you still want to be so skinny? Love is warm bellies and not hollow throats. Love cares not for second portions, Only 8 courses Love is a bowl of soup It warms from the inside out. I know I overfeed the cat.

Noodle purrs nearby, the subject of the conversation earlier today that no doubt inspired Tae. Heaped between a pillow and a rolled-up blanket looking overstuffed- like one of your stuffed animals that litter the nest up here and the one downstairs. Jin had gotten a little overzealous on the jellycat website during christmas time.

He's gotten rather chubby, his middle more round than just fluffy. His pudgy tomcat face is charming, eyes blinking slowly as he watches Yoongi toil with his emotions.

"We should put him on a diet" You'd lamented, still feeding him treats, in the kitchen this afternoon. Yellow light slipped through the windows and lunch plates piled high in the sink. A carton of coffee-caramel ice cream and mango sorbet gathering condensation nearby. On your knees before his bowl. Because if you all got after-lunch ice cream treats then he should get some too.

"Don't you dare, he's perfect this way." Tae had replied, scandalized, and made the point of giving Noodle an extra scoop of food and you an extra spoonful of sweet frozen milk.

Yoongi knows that your comment had stayed on Tae's mind just like he knows that it's not just Noodle you were talking about. How many times has he seen you pull down the edge of your shirt over the past few weeks? Or reach for Hobi's baggier sweatshirts? Or sho them all out the door when you shower intent on doing it alone.

The pack loves group showers, there will probably be one on the way tonight from the sound of it. Yoongi doesn't doubt that the pack will leave you messy and sated. A little too sleepy too. Someone will have to help.

His fingers drum quietly on the bed. Nervous. Waiting. A little annoyed- but Yoongi's not sure where it comes from.

A loud slap from downstairs punctuates the quiet. Yoongi just barely flinches. And Yoongi wonders if you'd let them see you naked tonight or if you'd been too nervous for it. Or if Seokjin and Namjoon will make everything, your anxieties and your fears and your feelings of inadequacy, feel small.

They'll make you feel small too. Omegaspace is all but a guarantee tonight.

But he's not allowed downstairs to double-check that you're alright. (He is, he's just not sure you even want him downstairs- which is another thing entirely. Would his presence make you more nervous? More likely to go into appeasement mode because you think that's what he wants?)

Tae has a habit of reminding him when he's being a shithead.

Now Yoongi wishes for Tae’s attention to be elsewhere. On a poem. On Jungkook. On anything. Yoongi has gotten very good at lying to himself over the past few weeks. But somewhere across the lines I’m still angry at her, turned into I should still be angry. He’s not quite sure when that changed. But he knows he's holding onto his anger, that it's growing slippery, but that he's not ready for it to go away.

Yoongi will do anything to keep you, to make you stay. And that’s part of the problem. He's scared of his own capacity for forgiveness. What you might take if he gives you another chance. He's scared that you'll go and take all of him with you.

He's scared- sure, but he's not really angry anymore.

He's just tired- tired of feeling so much, tired of feeling things so intensely. Tired of worrying, of keeping you at arm’s length and wondering if I let you back in now have you learned not to do this again? Or will you just say you’ll change?

Yoongi will always love you- will always be your mate. But he doesn’t want to be sitting and waiting all the time wondering if you’re thinking about leaving again.

You’ve already tried to do that twice; the third time would be the charm.

Jungkook slumbers belly down in the nest, his soft huffs of breath coming frequently and at a steady pace. He’s quite a vision with his rippling back muscles and splayed thighs. With Hickeys on his skin from Yoongi's own mouth where the skin goes soft and dark. Knees apart to limit the soreness he must be feeling from the knot. Covered at the waist but only just so with a thin sheet. The tops of his thighs shiny with cooling slick. Yoongi’s eyes hover on Jungkook as he looks back.

Tae's voice keeps it hush, mindful of Jungkook's sleep schedule but not of the fragileness of Yoongi's heart.

"If you worry you suffer twice. Her leaving and you not forgiving her- isn't the result the same?"

Jungkook's sleeping form will offer him no savior from Tae’s words, he’d say the same thing- they all would. "Do you really want the distance she's been trying to give you Yoongi? Because I really don't think you do"

You've been fucking miserable these last few weeks. Is what she doesn't say but wants too. Yoongi knows it. Can taste the unfinished business on the air in the form of Tae's wilting rose and cinnamon scent. The heady horny edge to it wareing away.

It’s quiet downstairs but it hadn’t always been; between your pleas and Hobi’s growls and then your cries that had made Yoongi gnash his teeth. Sobbing echos that made Yoongi flinch. Distant cries of “m’ sorry m-" and Jin’s joining croon of “good pup, come to daddy, I’ve got you my sweet little thing, I’ve got you.”

But it’s quieting down now. Yoongi can only just hear a little bit of the hushed voices when he strains his ears. He can’t hear you at all when Tae’s talking.

Jungkook stays asleep, completely lost to the world, He needed two cocks to settle, Jungkook always sleeps for a long time after scenes, even simple cute ones like this. You’re the same. Yoongi knows you’re the same. That you usually doze after cumming, so sleepy- like your body gives up under the force of too much pleasure. And that even awake you’re pliant and drowsy. (He loves it when you get that way).

You’ll never have to worry about insomnia the way that Tae and Yoongi do. If it ever gets too bad, the pack will only ever fuck you to bed.

Which is why Yoongi’s restless, why he can’t sleep. Because you’re downstairs and not upstairs with him. He can pretend that's not why he's awake, but the truth remains. Eviscerated by Tae's pouting lips.

He heard you crying earlier. Coupled with Hobi’s yelps and Namjoon’s low croon. It was hard- harder than Yoongi expected, to resist the urge to go down to you. Grating, the mental equivalent of nails on a chalkboard to tune out the sounds of his mate in distress.

It's not distress, he knows that- logically Yoongi knows that the pack would never do anything you didn't consent to.

And still…

"That's not it Tae, that's not it at all." Yoongi denies, but the lie is blatant even to his own lips.

Yoongi is harder to settle than Jungkook. Tae knows this. Folded against the nest, her silky lavender dress pulled back on after fucking Jungkook, small breasts pillowing, hickeys dotting the top of them both faded and not. Some of them are from Jungkook- fresh and pink- but a few might be from you a few days prior.

She snorts, "isn't it? You're both just doing what you think will give you the least amount of pain- instead of actually confronting each other about this. Do you know what I think hyung?”

Just about every packmate has a newfound obsession with Tae’s chest. The tender swelling sensitivity just there. Tae hasn’t gone up a cup size in a few months, she’s a B at best- but the pack still praises her for it. Still takes every opportunity to make her blush and show her their appreciation.

But still- sometimes Yoongi catches her in the mornings, putting on her lingerie that she wears under her clothes almost every days-tugging at the gaping in the front. She bought stuff a cup size up at the beginning- so did Namjoon and Jin and Jimin, endless pretty sets from for love and lemons and Victoria’s Secret that sit unworn.

Because they don’t fit- might not ever fit. Unless Tae does something drastic like surgery. Yoongi's surprised she hasn't asked for it yet.

Yoongi sighs, frustrated, “What Tae, what do you want to say?”

Tae flips over on her tummy, hair a little messy, grinning looking a bit like Noodle as she strokes gently down Yoongi’s jaw. He’s not wearing a shirt he just tugged on pajama pants so the scratch of her long nails down his skin makes goosebumps erupt all over his bare arms.

“I think punishing yourself isn’t a way to rewrite history. Punishing yourself isn’t going to make what happened go away. At this point- I think you’re keeping yourself away from her to prove a point- but the points already been proven.”

“That’s not it,” Yoongi says again. Like repeating it will make it true. Tae raises an eyebrow at him, swishing her legs, her white painted toenails flashing in the half-darkness.

“Don’t you want to make her see that it was a bad decision, isn’t that what you’re doing? Punishing her for going and punishing yourself for not being there when she made the choice to go?”

As if on cue Yoongi can hear it from the ground floor, the sound of your babbling giggles- you in omegaspace surely, a softly crooned “Good puppy, give him another treat, he’s earned it.” From Jin. Yoongi knows you’re cute and sweet and sensitive in your headspace downstairs, the idea of seeing you- touching you- without the burden of all this- is so tempting Yoongi’s hands hurt.

Yoongi’s hands tighten around Jungkook's elbow, his anchor, preventing him from going downstairs. When Yoongi turns back to look at Tae, her eyebrows are pulled together and she’s looking down at Jungkookie. He has a single hand tangled in the hem of her nightdress, fist closed, chubby and cute.

“What are you thinking?” Yoongi is always in the habit of asking that. It’s worth asking- so that you don’t have to wonder.

“You remind me of myself before I came out. Denying yourself love just because you want to be right- doesn’t make you right, it just makes you less loved.” Her eyes flick from Jungkook up to Yoongi.

Yoongi's hands are cold, the goosebumps on his arms are still there.

Yoongi is not human without your love. How many afternoons has Tae seen him staring off into space? How many more meals will Yoongi push around the food on his plate? How many mornings will his hair go unbrushed because Yoongi simply doesn't have the energy to brush it? Tae and the others make up for it a good deal, but at the end of the day, none of them are the person who Yoongi bonded his soul too.

Tae knows what sadness looks like, what depression looks like and she's learned a lot from you. She won't let this be more than a little blip in Yoongi's year.

Your love is one of the things that makes Yoongi feel human. Without you to love, and feeling like he shouldn't, Yoongi's a little unmoored, a little without purpose.

Tae detangles Jungkook’s fist from her dress gently, replacing his grip with a nearby item- another one of her dresses that the omega had so diligently woven into the outer rim of the nest. He curls around it protectively, purring gently. She covers him with a different thicker blanket to simulate her warmth. Then she sits up on her knees and starts to shuffle to the edge of the nest.

“Come on,”

“But Jungkook-”

“He’ll be fine for a second hyung.”

Tae hasn’t yet conditioned herself out of using that phrase, hyung. And Yoongi might remind her if it didn’t sound so sweet coming from her mouth. More of a pet name than anything else. Yoongi doesn’t mind. She can still call him hyung if she wants. They’ve had conversations about it before.

Tae stops, and turns back. The language thing- is one of her current fixations at the moment. “It’s not- just because that slips out doesn’t mean I’m not still a girl."

“I know baby. I’d never think that unless you told me- not that you’ve got to- not that-��

“No, I know. Thank you hyung.” Tae's teeth worry away at her lower lip.

“You can use Oppa too you know. If that feels nicer, or you can go back and forth and use both.”

“I know, I don’t know why I don’t like it as much, hyung makes me feel like you’ll always look after me.” Yoongi grabs Tae’s hands, tangled in the sheets, silken, pink.

“You know I always will.”

Tae uses that hand to her advantage. Pulling him up and out of the nest. Tae leads him down the dark stairs, her quiet giggles softening Yoongi’s anxiety, but when he gets down there, you're there.

You're small in Namjoon's lap, resting your cheek against the hollow of his throat. The pack alpha's shirt is completely unbuttoned now and you’ve hidden your face in his honey skin, rubbing your face all in it, cheeks pink and slowly purring. Guarding your eyes from the big light in the kitchen- where Jimin is getting Hobi a glass of water. Pants pulled on just barely, still hanging low. The scar on his shoulder pink and catching the light- just barely healing. Big on the back side and small on the front.

Yoongi just barely hears namjoons low and sweet growls, his sweet nothings. The way he cradles you gently but so fiercely to his chest Yoongi knows it's all instinct.

"I'm never gonna let anything happen to you- never again- I've got you pup, I've got you. "

The shirt you wear is big and dark, he knows already that it's his- probably pilfered from downstairs to comfort you. Yoongi's not really sure why that makes his throat close up. Even around all of them, even after all of that. It's still his scent you ask for. The one that cloaks you and covers you in the wake of this.

It hurts a little bit more than it should that Namjoon freezes when he sees Yoongi standing on the steps. Freezes, arms tightening just a little around you as you continue to nuzzle into the pack alpha's throat, Dozing and lost in the haze of aftercare.

His arms relax when Namjoon sees it's just the two of them, and tae floats over, dress swishing. "Oh alpha- did you make her all small and soft for me?"

Namjoons teeth look extra sharp as he beholds tae, as she strokes down his throat. To have another alpha touch him there should feel threatening, but Namjoon just feels satisfied. "Of course I did babygirl."

Hobi is more awake than you but so much further down in puppy space than Yoongi expected. The collar jingles faintly against his throat where he rolls his tongue lolling out. Belly up on the carpet and clearly enjoying Jin’s nails scrapping and petting and scratching over his tummy. Never too tired for more belly rubs, especially with a full stomach full of good pup treats (they're just dog bone-shaped chocolate chip cookies, a special all-organic kind that Jin buys from Etsy explicitly for this).

He’s shy- Hobi hasn’t had the time to indulge in puppy space in months, but now he tucks his face under Jin’s shirt and squirms. Happy to be on the receiving end of the pack Omega’s undivided attention. “Good puppy- what a good boy-“ Jin croons, eyes glassy and dark, biting his lip as he watches Hobi squirm and his tongue lol. Panting animatedly.

He’s needed this too- the sound of his praises fall so easy and natural from his pouted lips. And Hobi stills, ears pink when he looks to Yoongi and Tae in the doorway. Lucid for a breath. Tae’s arms are looped around Yoongi’s hips. Keeping him from slinking off, keeping him from feeling like he’s not wanted.

The pack alpha pears at them over the back of the couch. His arms slowly relax around you, nostrils flaring at the scents coming from both of them but mostly Yoongi. Namjoon looks, and glares, but he can smell it. How upset he really is, the undercurrent to his scent. Yoongi smells like chocolate and worry.

He tips his chin down, a clear command to come here.

“Yoongi wanted to make sure she was alright.” Tae supplies, Yoongi tries to deny it but Namjoon already knows. Namjoon’s grumble growl is warm and inviting as Tae guides Yoongi to sit. Your arms are loose around Namjoon’s neck. He’s quiet, but his eyes are shiny with alpha space, measuring every one of their movements like the pack alpha might measure threats. Guarding the pup in his arms very diligently.

“She’s tired, fell right off.” jimin says, coming over to stand above the four of you and watch as tae guides yoongi's hand out, to touch your back, to pet up and down gently. Jimin runs his hand over your wet cheek, picking a hair out from between your lips.

“Poor little pup” and Yoongi feels breathless but Namjoon and Tae make room for him to sit close. yoongi doesn't need to be guided to sit close to you, almost sideways in something like a hug. You sag just a little more into him, like you’re relaxed by Yoongi’s presence alone. Letting out soft huffs of breath against Namjoon's chest, tiny purrs start up anew, louder, deeper. Your spine curls at an uncomfortable angle like you can decide between Namjoon's chest and Yoongi's hands.

And then Tae takes both of your wrists, detangling them from Namjoon’s neck, the same moment that Namjoon starts to lift your hips.

Yoongi can’t even say anything, can’t even protest as they put you in his lap. You suction to his front like a starfish sinking deeper into dreamland and going more boneless by the breath. Yoongi starts to say something- nothing more than hollow protests.

But it feels so good to have you hear, settled over his lap. So good his breath hitches.

Your hands tangle in the front of his shirt, holding on tight- like you think he might go even in your sleep. Yoongi knows you feel that he’s here- although you might not remember it tomorrow. Maybe that's for the better.

he hesitates for a second, and then pulls you flush against him, hard.

Tae settles behind him and namjoon behind you. His big hands forcing the collar of his shirt to the side so the pack alpha can lean around you and nuzzle into the hollow of his throat. He barely has enough energy in him to open his mouth.

How lucky you and him are to have 6 people to watch over you like this. To make sure that you wake up safe, that you get everything you need before you drift off. Yoongi doesn’t have to do it on his own anymore. He hasn’t had to in months but that still doesn’t lose its novelty. Yoongi wonders if he’ll ever take it for granted.

Yoongi breathes deep and even.

“Thanks, Tae.”

“Of course, honey. Remember for next time- alpha knows best.” Yoongi’s cheek rests against the top of your head, and your breath tickles his neck.

“I know we’ve got to go upstairs, but can we stay like this for a second?”   “Of course, honey.” Her fingers stroke through his hair, and Yoongi closes his eyes and tucks his face into the top of your head. One cuddle can't hurt. He can go back to being angry with you in the morning.

“You’ll stay like that until Alpha says you can get up.”

Tae’s giggle is sweet, Yoongi’s eyes are already closed, “Joonie-“

He can hear Namjoon's bashfulness in his voice, the kind of shyness that warms yoongi up from the inside out and reminds him that they're all still learning. “Sorry, I’m still- it’s still-”

“I know alpha.”

I know I know I know.

~-~

(Yoongi, a few days later)

(In the end, forgiveness is not something that is inevitable)

Yoongi doesn’t know that it’s a dream while it’s happening.

One moment he is entirely unaware, resting, asleep, at peace. And the next the nightmare climbs up the edge of his vision. Clinging to the darkness- dissolving like mist only in reverse. Like smoke sucked through a straw. Like burning- carving from the outside in, hungry and without purpose. Burning burning burning.

One moment nothing and the next there is so much red.

The first thing Yoongi knows is that he can smell something burning, he looks up and he’s in the living room of your house, no furniture yet. The inside is so white but not perfect- he can vaguely place the memory.

This is the way the house looked just after they finished re-plastering; Yoongi files the memory and finds its from months and months ago- during another spring. The floors are all fucked from the mess that the plasterers had left. White splotches here and there. Everything covered in ghostly white sheets, a drop cloth under Yoongi's knees that slowly bleeds red.

It's about a month before the pack came home maybe. The last month it was ever you and Yoongi and not You and Yoongi and everyone else.

Yoongi watches as the Flames lick at the white walls. There is something in his hands but he can't look down yet. Something- his brain doesn't want to look at it- it's easier to look at the flames. The fire is yellow and slow to hunger. Creeping almost lazily, like it has nothing but time to burn. He can do little more than watch, not too scared, just confused, as all of the hours and minutes of his hard work are eaten up by heat.

The fire comes from everywhere and nowhere- leaking silently up the walls, turning the plaster slowly from gold to brown, then black before it crumbles away into ashes. Slowly chewing away at the walls, and the windows. The doorknob rattles and somewhere close by Noodle yowls and scratches at something.

The next thing Yoongi knows is that you’re very very still. You’re not moving at all. Not even a little bit- those pupish twitches of your fingers or the wiggle of your nose when you scent his displeasure. Nothing. None of it.

Yoongi is holding you, you are so small, so fragile in his arms. Lighter than you are in reality as he shakes you and tries to get you to wake up. You smile in your sleep a lot, but you aren’t smiling now. The mating mark is blackened against your throat, a thin trail of black and red that rims your lips, bleeding down the corner of your mouth. Inky dark one second, bright crimson the next as a bit of blood drips down the side of your face. 

There is so much blood. It's wet and it's cold despite the fire.

He calls your name, and you don't answer. Yoongi's own voice sounds muffled, Warbled. He keeps talking. Unsure what he's saying. He shouts and screams. But his voice never gets louder, you never wake up. He yells as loud as he can and you still don’t wake up.

It comes all at once, just like the fire.

There is blood on your throat too, so much it can't just be from your mouth. Bright and ruby, slipping down your collar bones and the hallow of your chest. Welling out from somewhere- somewhere that Yoongi can't see. Where are you hurt? Where is it coming from? Yoongi can't find the cause of the bleeding.

There is blood on your arms- trailing to the hallow of your elbow, between your legs, soaking through the white of his shirt, heavy and sticky and warm. Yoongi feels like he's suffocating. Yoongi searches for the source of the bleeding, fingers ruddy, soaking into his palms and his knuckles. Frantic as he tugs the hem of your shirt soaked through. The shorts at your hips- all red.

There is so much of it, so much of it that it pools around the two of you on the floor, slow and lazily, almost taunting Yoongi- just like the flames. Yoongi can do little more but watch you bleed out and hold you through it. Hold you as you die. Watch the red swallow you until there's nothing left of you. Just blood-soaked clothing. His breath hitches, suddenly painful in his lungs and his voice comes all at once. So loud it hurts him.  

“Namjoon- please- someone help me- someone-”

Yoongi wakes in the nest completely alone. Jerking up so fast that it makes him dizzy. He's too warm. Hot and balmy. Sweat soaks the front of his shirt.

He pushes himself up in the empty nest on shaking hands. Blinking, looking around at the folded blankets, the pillows at the rim of the nook, the absence of any other living soul here.

(that's not entirely true, Noodle is perched on a nearby pillow purring loudly. That's as much comfort as he can possibly offer as he's sworn to hate his arch-nemesis for eternity. Even though Yoongi sort of gives the best chin rubs- although Noodle would never confess it and will take the secret to his grave).

The high ceilings are dark and hollow, the whole room drenched in that half twilight of closed drapes. Empty even though Yoongi looks- searching for his packmates, searching for anything to make his chest feel not so tight.

Noodle purrs loudly and blinks slow.

The Christmas lights have been turned off- probably to help him sleep. The light streaming through the cracks in the curtains is dissonant. But the room is quiet and cluttered- Hobi’s monstera looks freshly misted in the corner, and humidity clings to the windows and skylight up high.

Yoongi pulls himself up and heaves out a shaky breath. Chest tight. You- he needs to find you. Find you and make sure- make sure you're not- Yoongi lets out a shaky breath. A dream, that's all it was. Just a dream. But part of him can't believe it. What if it wasn't?

It’s still hard to tell. The panic won’t leave his lungs. At the front of his nose is the scent of burning things- and that is very very real.

It looks like the omega’s piled the blankets around him, a smaller ring of fluffy blankets to keep the last slumbering packmate safe from outside eyes. But with so many blankets- Yoongi has overheated. He's sweaty and sticky and gross feeling. He should probably shower before he goes downstairs, probably, but-

He needs to make sure you're alright, right now- before he falls apart. Noodle mewls lightly and pulls himself over to Yoongi, pushing up against his trembling fingers, licking at them until Yoongi scratches his chin.

It takes him a second, staring down at his sweat-soaked shirt- to distinguish that it is not blood, blinking and mistaking the light behind his eyes for red.

Yoongi doesn’t say anything and doesn’t call out for anyone. Can’t do anything but detangle himself from the mess of blankets and Noodle and follow the smell of burning things down down down the stairs. Feeling like a ghost with a bad taste in his mouth. A vague pressure behind his eyes and a numbness in his arms and hands from lying on them for so long. His blood circulates slowly and sluggishly.

You are standing on a kitchen stool when he skitters to a stop on bare feet at the bottom of the stairs.

Yoongi has to blink a few times to make sure he's not dreaming, that the walls are the same light pink color they always were. Not brick red but not creamy plaster white- off color like the flush at your cheeks.

The sweater you wear is Hobi's- extra big especially at the wrists, pulling down all the way to your elbow as you reach up to stop the beeping from the smoke alarm with a wave of a newspaper. Nose wrinkled at the smell of smoke. You don't have the crusties at your eyes and your skin is glossy. Seokjin probably did your skincare routine for you as the pack omega is prone to do with so much extra time for fussing these days.

There is no one else in the house but you. The top layer of the air in the kitchen is cloudy with smoke. Yoongi watches you and scrubs a hand over his face. You do not turn and look at Yoongi in the doorway, although you know it’s him just because you can sense when your mate comes close, either scenting him on the air or through the dull pulse of the mating park.

Your sense of smell has been getting a little bit better recently. Yoongi knows better than to chalk it up to your weight gain but your health checkup earlier this week had been a lot more promising than the one before. Yoongi had gone to the appointment with you, and you’d perked up almost immediately when you realized he wasn’t going to give you the distant silent treatment again, all but skipping into the exam room.

He’d even let you hold his hand while they took your blood. He’s never had the heart to leave you scared. Never. Not even when he's angry at you.

Your hormones are leveling out, although there are no signs of you going into heat yet. Another 3 months of no change and you've promised Namjoon to at least talk about hormone therapies.

Tae had reassured you that it wasn't so bad with a kiss on your forehead and a hand at your hip. Covering the place where you, like Tae, might one day receive the weekly injections by Namjoon's hands.

It’s daunting. The idea of sitting through the same kind of treatment that Tae gets; the clink of the glass bottles on the counter, the pearly sound of glass hitting tile. The cold swipe of a swab and the press of a needle.

Namjoon’s always gentle.

You'd be inclined to just leave it alone- but your doctor had been very insistent, something about possible fertility issues if you want to have pups one day.  It’s hard to get pregnant outside of a heat, nearly impossible. This isn't an issue that can be just pushed under the rug if pups are something you want to have with the pack someday.

Namjoon and Tae had perked up a little when the idea of pups had been broached. But Yoongi had remained at the fringes of the room- silent. Yoongi thinks about your scent changing the same way Tae's did- how it went from cinnamon and pepper to cinnamon and roses.

He'd never tell her because Yoongi would never want to make Tae feel self-conscious about her own much-needed changes, but he doesn't like the idea of your scent changing the same way.

Deep down Yoongi wonders if you’d want to have pups if it wasn’t what the pack wanted. He’s not sure he’d be able to handle it, a little bundle of you and him and the whole big fucking world with all its wicked people. Yoongi knows peace now but still doesn't trust it. Wouldn't trust it especially if it was just him and you and a little life- so unprotected and vulnerable.

Yoongi doesn’t like feeling this way; vulnerable.

He breathes in a deep breath of your scent, warm and sweet and slightly smooth, not frazzled or scared sour (the way he first knew your scent to be, back before he even knew that you smelled like cake and not rain). You smell completely unaffected, unworried, and unharmed. You don't smell at all like you would have in Yoongi's dream. You don't smell like you're dying.

So why is his heart still beating out of his chest?

He crosses the kitchen in a few shakey strides, just as you start to speak. “Hobi made pancakes but Jin and him started making out and they like totally forgot about them! So they’re out getting breakfast sandwiches, I didn’t wanna wake you so I just got you-”

Your voice cuts off abruptly as Yoongi lines his face up with your spine and plants his nose there, breathing in your scent once, then again shaky. Nuzzling into your lower back. Arms around your waist, gripping your hips.

You make a little noise, questioning, looking down at him with a mixture of shock and concern. and you should be shocked and concerned- it's been nearly a month since your mate hugged you- let alone clutched you to his chest like this. It’s roughly the same sound that Noodle makes when you wake him up with pets.

He holds around your waist as you stand on the ladder, three feet up. His hands tangle with the fabric at your hips. he blinks looking down and away, at the floor.

“Yoongi!? What’s wrong?”

Dimly, he's aware that he’s supposed to be angry at you. He flushes, the blood hot and pink at his cheeks. You’re not supposed to be speaking really- at least not about things that matter and to be fair- Yoongi cannot speak right now. Burying his face in your back until the feeling of your blood on his hands is a distant memory. Feeling the warmth of your skin until the idea of you cold and still no longer bothers him.

Not a memory- a dream. Not a memory. He has to remind himself a second time. Remind himself enough that by the time he doesn't belive it the space to answer your question comes and goes.

Your eyebrows lower and you set a hand on his head, threading routinely into his hair- long, shaggy and dark. And he pushes further into your skin and into your touch the same way plants press into sunlight.

Yoongi is so tired of being angry, he's so tired of being scared. Your hand touches his cheek and his eyes flutter. Lips parting. Namjoon cuddled him just last night- but Yoongi will always be touch starved just for you.

Your breath hitches, "Oh Yoongi."

his arms tighten around you, like he's worried you're going to slip through his arms like smoke. "Bad dream?" You ask, it's a state that you are only too familiar with as he hums non-committal. you turn around halfway so that you can put your hands on his shoulders and touch him. Yoongi almost wants to keen at the contact, almost wants to tell you he likes it too much- which would be embarrassing. He nods against your back.

He missed this, missed this A lot. He missed you. Yoongi's eyes are itchy.

This is the first time he’s held you since you almost left, besides that moment in the car when you were both so angry and so broken it hardly mattered. Yoongi swallows, and he still can’t speak when he tries. Hiding his face in your spine, your hip when you turn, back hugging you because even on a ladder he is still mostly taller than you. Shaking faintly, still shaking off the fucking dream.

His voice is croaky, not all there when his voice box finally cooperates. “Can you get off?"

You get down from the stepstool instantly. His hands tangle in the side of your shirt to steady you. Unwilling to go more than a few inches from you. You're always so wobbly in the mornings before you've eaten and Yoongi is ever mindful.

The sweater you wear has a small doodled bunch of flowers on the front, a botanical print. Yoongi thinks he remembers if vaguely- from a trip Hobi and Namjoon took to the botanical garden a few years ago. It's got holes in the arms like Hobi has snagged it one too many times on rose bushes. Yoongi threads his fingers through them and holds on.

You stare up at him from the floor like you’re waiting for his instruction. Eyes wide and glassy and pretty and alive.

Yoongi stills, breath hitching- at the sight of a bit of red on your lips.

It's off to the side, on your bottom lip almost hidden by where your smile sits. Yoongi's face crumples a little at the sight of it.

Yoongi reaches up with shaking hands to touch it, wiping it away. You follow his hand. He looks down at the smudge on his finger. The little bit of red.

“Oh! That was from Tae she-" You break off when he pulls you back to him, crushing you to his chest. And you surely can’t know what’s going wrong or what Yoongi’s just dreamed but you let him man handle you regardless.

He's sort of glad that no one else is home, that it's just you and him here for a few moments. The quiet of the house is all encompassing- beyond the sound of wind sneaking under the windowsills and the pitter-patter of the drizzle outside. Noodle meows dolefully from the stairs, coming to see why Yoongi had abandoned him so abruptly (the nerve of him.)

Yoongi rests his full weight on you, crushing you to his chest. You push his hair back away from his face, and Yoongi keeps his eyes closed like that will keep the feeling here for longer. Like he's worried if he opens his eyes the nightmare will be here again.

Your hands, his face, small fingers that push at the wetness that he doesn’t name dripping under his eyes. His breath comes out in short little gasps.

There is rain outside, pattering against the window. It’s been raining a lot over the last few days. Soaking the soil in the pre-spring cold. It won't be long now and everything will be green again. Hobi will plant the window boxes, and you'll be able to put the ferns out. You and Tae will start wearing your matching dresses all the time and it will become Yoongi's job to cut the watermelon because he's the only one in the house trusted besides Jin with the big knives. He'll cut up orange slices and peaches and strawberries too. Everything for his loves and their hungry mouths and hungry hearts.

Soon but not yet. Spring and summer are just around the corner but they're not here yet and yoongi is painfully aware of that.

You don’t ask him why he’s crying; you don’t look him in the eyes when he opens them, just continue your careful petting through his hair, eyes flickering up, then down and away. The twist of your lips is guilty.

You are not bleeding; you are alive and Yoongi cannot stand it. The weight of memories he didn’t live weighs on him, still memories. He breathes out a shaky breath. And double-checks his fingers are absent of blood after he rubs over your throat. Checking.

You pull at him, hands on his shoulders. “Come on-“

You pull him through the quiet halls, and into the room at the very back of the house. Noodle follows too with a jingle of his purple bell collar.

The windows here are cracked to let in the chilly spring air- pushing out the last mustyness of winder and bringing with it the smell of rain. The nesting nook is dark and cozy-tempting; but full of stuffed animals and extra nesting pillows that you scoop out of the interior and put on the floor with such care. Lining them up against the outside of the nook. All to make room for him.

Yoongi holds onto the hem of your sweater, rubbing a fist against his eye. Like a clingy child. But he has to let you go when you turn. he can feel the pout on his face and you reach up to smooth it out. You only pause for a second, briefly, “Do you want to tell me what’s wrong?”

Yoongi shakes his head, still wordless, unable to make his mouth cooperate. You don’t say anything, you don’t do anything but pull him into the warm dark quiet of the nesting nook.

Yoongi hasn’t spent so much time with you in here, but it’s surprisingly well-ventilated, the woven fabric sides of it dark but breathable. There’s not a lot of room but you make it work. Scooting back and pulling him down and down and down.

You pull him to rest against your chest, between your legs. Your hips splayed to let him curl up and nuzzle into you- in something like a full-body hug. Yoongi is too tired and too shaky to protest. He can’t even say he doesn’t want to but you check anyway- your movements slow as you get him situated.

Your heartbeat thuds quick against his fingertips. Yoongi wants to tell you that you don’t need to be scared, you don’t need to be afraid of overstepping. But can’t make his mouth cooperate.

His arms loosely circle around your waist, and then harder to crush you against him. At this position, you have full reign to run your fingers through his hair, over his shoulders, and down and up again. He knows he smells sweaty and probably rancid. But he nuzzles into your skin at the low neckline of the sweater. He puts his ear against your heart. Thud thud thud. Slowing down and evening out. You're right here and just under him, safe, and his eyelids are so heavy.

“Is this better? Do you need to go back to sleep?” Yoongi nods and doesn’t need to say another word.

Sleep rises up frightfully quick to meet him. He's not at all convinced that he hasn't dreamed it all. Finding you, coming here, and curling up. A dream within a dream. A good one in exchange for the nightmare earlier.

But this time he doesn’t dream at all, and even if he does, it’s only the sound of your heartbeat- thud thud thud. His own heartbeat thins out, and the tenseness in his shoulders relaxes.

Yoongi wakes up because a tomato has just fallen on his face.

You’re trying to be quiet, but Hoseok understandably laughs from where he’s holding out a half-unwrapped breakfast sandwich into the nesting nook for you to take a bite. Yoongi can vaguely place the words just whispered over his head. 'You guys eat without us, I don't want to wake him' 'Okay, but have a bite first- you know they're better when they're warm' 

Your laughter shakes against his cheek, your jaw clicks as you chew, and when he picks himself up, the tomato slides down his face, syrup slow. Until it flops against your throat. You and Hobi devolve into louder giggles and Yoongi can't stop the laugh that comes from his chest too.

The ruse is up, and you're all laughing. “Oh my god Hobi you promised to be quiet,”

Hoseok's one knee depresses the side of the nesting nook as he leans. Grinning down at Yoongi. Long fingers splayed around his ribs, making Yoongi shiver. The alpha pulls at his hips, and Yoongi feels a bit like a chew toy but in the best way, to be between the two of you laughing. “Come on Yoon- we’ve got you one too-“

Yoongi lets you both puppet him into the other room. Stumbling between the two of you. Until Hobi ducks low and nuzzles, and Yoongi just resorts to watching the two of you.

The way your hand goes from holding Yoongi's to touching Hobi's palm, then back to his like a bumblebee darting between flowers. A small smile works its way onto Yoongi's face. Even more when you pinch Hobi's ass and Hobi acts appropriately scandalized. Only you could get in on his and Jungkook's near-perpetual ass-touching competition.

(Yoongi's smile grows wider without him even realizing it).

There is a spread on the dining room, three heavy brown paper bags not just of breakfast sandwiches wrapped in checkered paper but biscuits in syrupy gravy, french toast sticks with honey yellow syrup, and a whole tray of tater tots that Jin pops into his mouth with a satisfying crunch. Half of the pack is still in their pajamas; it can't be later than 11.

Namjoon and Jimin are noticeably absent from the table- at work. But Hobi, Jin, and Tae are setting up the plates. Jungkook's already showered from his morning run- his hair all locky and tangled.

Tae looks a vision in a pair of flared yoga pants and Yoongi just blinks at her thighs, not realizing he’s staring until Hobi pinches his thigh for it. You laugh too and pull out the chair next to him with a squeak while Hobi hands out sandwiches and Jungkook cuts them into perfect triangles.

Yoongi blinks down at his plate, and he’s got a quarter of everyone’s sandwich on his, easily more than he can eat but still- You trade, cutting thirds and halves to try them all. Yoongi stares at them and feels fresh wetness on his lash line. Tae notices him staring, and she’s got sesame seeds stuck in what's left of her lipstick when she smiles.

“We didn’t know what you liked- so we got you two.”

And oh, Yoongi can’t breathe. The love in his chest bullies away the oxygen. How lucky he is to have people that get him two sandwiches instead of one, how lucky he is to have a house full of laughter and warm bellies and-

Hobi gets him a cup of coffee, Jin nurses his, thick-rimmed glasses and warm cheeks chubby as he looks across the table at Yoongi like he knows. He leans across the table to tangle their hands while he flips through his phone. Leaving the beta to his overfull heart.

“Tae- your nail appointment isn’t until 1- would you like Jinnie to curl your hair for you?”

“Can we try a new style this time? Space buns?” Tae asks so so sweetly- already wearing lipgloss even though she must have barely left the house. The smile never falters, just spreads wider when he stares at the glossy pink.

Jin hums, happy, "Of course."

"I love you guys" Yoongi whines. looking at Jin because he can't look at you. Telling everyone- because he can't tell just you. And really it's the truth. Jin blinks and looks up at him. A smile spreading on his chubby cheeks.

"Aw- someone's sappy." Hobi teases. "For the record, love you too"

"for the record; He just woke up" You peck the back of Yoongi's neck and shivers erupt all over his body. you lean behind him to swat at Hobi's shoulder. "Give him a break." The sound of chairs scraping hides Yoongi's whine and his blush.

"For the record, Love you too bun,"

Tae snorts, eyebrows knitting together as Jungkook sits on her lap instead of the chair right next to him. "Weird, but I like it" she pauses, "for the record."

Yoongi rolls his eyes, "oh my god stop-"

"For the record; Hobi started it."

"You guys call me bunny and bun all the time- I should be able to use it too!" Jungkook smirks, pausing for dramatic effect. "for the record."

Yoongi groans and you giggle. "Okay I'm done," Yoongi's smiling anyway

You sit, a little clumsy, and your coffee spills a little onto the dark wood table. Jin wipes it up with a tut, eyes still on the schedule. “There’s nothing else much for today just Tae’s appointment. Anyone else want to do anything?”

“Wanna cook together tonight?” You ask, Yoongi pulls your chair over to rest against his properly, he can still pull you over with little effort but it’s getting harder each day.

It’s a good sort of hard. You have half of a sandwich on your plate a quarter of Tae’s and another small corner in your hand half gone already. Yoongi should start working out with Jungkook- so that he’s as strong as you need him to be.

You look at him, and then down at your nearly pressing thighs, “wanted you to be closer to me.” He says, and then cringes, Hobi laughs at him and hits his plate with a metal clink. You just hum and turn back to your breakfast. Yoongi can see the smile in the curve of your cheek, can see it in full when he turns your face to wipe away the sesame seeds stuck to your mouth too.

"Yeah, what do you want to make Jin?"

You talk it through. You and Yoongi and Jin- easily launching into what you'll make, what you'll bake and barter for another night of full bellies and a full house of love. and although it involves a trip to a grocery store, it's easily set into motion.

Hobi asks you if you’ll walk with him to work today, he has to go in a few minutes and it’s not that far of a walk. 10 minutes. Half a mile.

But you say you’ll go only if Yoongi does too and he’s agreeing before he even realizes it. But as far as mornings go, walking Hobi to work and getting to walk home with you isn’t the worst way things could go. Not by far. Neither is the way that you tug his jacked tighter against his throat in the doorway of the flower shop. The roses in the windowsill all yellow.

“I’m really not all that cold.”

“Still, I always want you to be warm”

"I like taking walks after breakfast," you say after another few minutes of walking. Light. Calm. The cold air encourages more pink from your cheeks. The sun streaming through the leafless branches now that the storm has pulled off.

"We can do it tomorrow if you want." Whatever you want.

Maybe you’ll even hold hands (you will, Yoongi will reach for your hand first, and you’ll walk in quiet that isn’t so quiet all turn to you pointing to someone’s porch and the flowers they’ve already put out in their pots. Bright pansies, splotches of color among the springtime drudgery, and the million shades of grey and taupe.

“Do you think we can plant flowers soon?” Yoongi will say maybe, but Hobi will bring a flat of pansies home before either of you can text and ask.

But that will be later. For now, Yoongi just looks at you next to him on the dining room table, thumb rubbing up and down your thigh, forgetting to chew as he looks at you. Forgetting to take a bite of the sandwich slowly falling apart in his hands. The cheese and the egg sliding out. Both yellow, both yummy, both needed. 

Yoongi looks at you until Tae reaches over to pinch his thigh and he jumps. The egg in his sandwich slips out, hitting his plate with a slap.

Yoongi smiles, (really, the love is spreading like wildfire, slipping in through the windows like beams of sunlight, moving easily and unabated, like light through air).

“Eat your breakfast hyung- it’s getting cold.” She chirps.

Yoongi gladly complies, hungrier than he's been in years.

(In the end, forgiveness is not something that is inevitable. Forgiveness is something that you want to give, you have to want it with that person and they have to want it too. You have to give.

Yoongi will give and give and give.)

~-~

It happens on one of those evenings:

The nesting room is silent with the sound of sleeping packmates. The long curtains piled on the floor and two sets of bunny slippers sit unattended by the nest entrance because Jungkookie’s toes get cold sometimes and you like to match. His blue and yours pink. The Christmas lights up above are dimmed to a soft moonlit glow, lighting the bodies of your sleeping pack; gentle and heaped like sweet pavlova.

The door at the top of the stairs is open. There’s nothing to keep out tonight; no darkness or bad dreams. Nothing to fight off besides the vague feeling of childlike adventure that you gladly welcome inside. Not the sound of Noodle zooming around downstairs or the creeks of the house that’s almost finished.

Almost, it’s getting there. Yoongi has been working hard.

You and Hobi turn restless tonight. The only ones truly awake. Not with unease or with nightmares- too real and long gone. It’s not the memories of people with silver hair and dishonest smiles that keep you awake. Those villains are for dragons vanquished or papers in ashes that will never rise again to taunt you with their secrets.

There is no tower that you’re trapped in, at least not physically. Even mentally too. Any mental foes or sickness left in the confines of your head can wait until a later date.

Maybe it’s because of the full moon, the pearl bubble of your soul that matches and turns and keeps you awake, restless beneath the pink light. Maybe it’s because you both napped earlier with Yoongi in the nesting pod.

You’ve been doing that a lot more frequently over the last few days, taking little moments with Yoongi; spending breakfast in bed, cooking together most nights, sitting next to him always. Even small dates. Not even fancy ones but silly little outings that make you feel younger than you are.

Trips to his old coffee shop where he met Jin. His and Hobi's old record store, and Hobi's flower shop. Sometimes you leave separately and meet there to make it feel more like a date date. And Yoongi pretends he's surprised by the color of lipstick that Tae chose and you admire the ruffle of his tousled hair (he fussed with it for a few minutes in his car).

You'd never had a chance to date properly the first time.

It makes your relationship feel newer than it is. It makes you feel like you're making an effort instead of just having fun with your mate. It makes you feel like the drips of yellow paint on your sleeve- that had gotten there during the little sip and paint that you did last Thursday.

You'd gotten so giggly on cheap wine that you had to call Namjoon to pick you both up. You’d gotten handsy in the backseat and filled the car with the scent of arousal strong enough that Namjoon’s knuckles had gone white on the steering wheel. Barely a brain cell to scrape together to concentrate on driving.

Or the next day when you’d gotten dolled up just to go to different bakeries and sample cakes, eating them in the car with the windows rolled all the way down and the heat blasting. “This ones so good, have a bite.”

The two of you might be foodies actually, you might have found a shared hobby with it- testing pastries and food. You like the little things like fancy chocolates and fancy teas. It’s going to be your thing- the sweets. You can tell.

But for now, Yoongi sleeps peacefully not far from you as you look over at Hobi, eyes open in the darkness, face upturned, chest rising and falling just a bit too quick for him to be totally asleep. The windows are open and the night air is cool. You can press as close to the others as you want and you won't get too hot. You'd taken full advantage of this hours ago, snug tight under Namjoon's arm. His soft snore a special sort of lullaby.

You haven’t felt this calm in years. It doesn't make you choke up because you've felt this way before and you're getting used to it. The springtime air smells like rain, like the ocean already although you know it sits miles and miles away.

It might be another false spring- but the pack takes what it can get.

The nest is still quiet when you turn to Hobi and find his eyes open and bright in the darkness. Namjoon’s phone on the shelf reads 5:04 am. It's early enough to go back to bed but instead, you scoot over to Hobi when you see he’s awake, gently setting yourself first over Namjoon’s chest and then sliding down his other side to get to him.

Quieting Hobi’s sleepy giggles with an equally sleepy kiss pressed unhurried to his lips. His hands come up loosely to circle your waist, tired, sleepy. Your lips stay pressed for a breath too long. And Hobi shivers at the feeling of your warm skin pressed to his cold cheek.  

It’s still dark outside, not even the faintest breath of the sunrise cresting the trees. You lie there on your stomach, looking at him and stroking a hand down his cheek in the darkness. You just watch him until he turns at you. A bright mischievousness in his eyes. A bad idea or a very good one depending on how you look at it- cresting his mind.

“You know if we leave right now, we can probably get to the beach before sunrise.”

Bad ideas are made better when chased with dreams, it’s only been a month since everything went down, and maybe two since this got normal between the two of you. The kissing, the looks, the touching. That’s different, but it's still just you and Hobi.

He's still your best friend.

The softness runs a little deeper now. He'll always understand you a little better, a little more than the others. Although you'll give them a few years to try and catch up. Hoseok's love is a little softer, like a sunrise instead of a sunset. With no bursts of color just dark blue one minute and light blue the next, baby blue to blush tones to that weird yellow green of the sunlight.

You smile into the next kiss, eyes opening wider now, and you know you won't easily go back to sleep. “Yeah? Want to go?”

His kiss already tastes like saltwater. “Yeah, come on.”

Getting out of the nest without rousing your packmates proves to be too much of a challenge. (And really you think Yoongi would have a heart attack if you tried to leave without at least telling him where you've gone. He might have forgiven you, but you know better than to poke at his wounds.)

Namjoon groans while Yoongi blinks away the darkness behind his eyes, a big hand closing around your wrists, stopping you when Hobi’s already off the bed. “Pups? Where are you-”

“Just to the beach Joonie,” Hobi ducks to press a kiss to Namjoon’s forehead the same moment you kiss Yoongi’s lips, puckering in sleep and making a soft sweet noise. Your mate smells so good- rolling waves of sweet chocolate- so good that it has you not wanting to leave at all. You linger, kissing Yoongi again when the temptation becomes too much.

He opens his eyes and grins at you. "Want company?"

“You don't have to, we’ll be careful! Promise.”

"Where you going?"

He blinks back his sleepiness but no sooner have you explained what you're doing than are Yoongi's arms going around your waist to pull you in. Sitting up too at the same time. Careful to keep his voice low to not wake the others.

“Let me come with,” Hobi is already grinning, hair sticking up in the back after he pulls a sweatshirt over his head. Namjoon shimmies to the end of the nest apparently coming too- only to knock into Seokjin because Namjoon is always sort of clumsy in the mornings and he always gets a bit tangled in the blankets you roll up to construct the edge of the nest.

Jin’s plush lips pout, eyes squinting in the darkness, “Guys? What’s-”

Then Jin trips over Jimin's legs and the alpha shoots up straight, jostling both Tae and Jungkook (folded under either arm) and everyone is awake and sharing plans.

You tug on warmer clothes because Jin fusses; fuzzy socks, and thick cable knit sweaters. Jin doesn’t bother to put his contacts in, black-rimmed glasses balancing on his nose. A thick scarf that he won’t really need teasing at his rosy cheeks.

together you guide a soft and sleepy Jk down the stairs. Scrubbing at his eyes all puppy cute while you’re morning zoomy. Barely pausing to kick off your bunny slippers. Jimin gets down to tie Tae’s laces so she doesn’t have to bend over so early in the morning.

By the time you get down to the ground floor of the house, the light is already turning the sky a lighter shade of blue. And Hoseok is pushing everyone out the door, sometimes physically, with cries of “Quick! Before we miss it!”

For once, you don’t take two cars. This time you pile all in Hobi’s red car (thankfully gotten back from the police with all but minimal scratches and a hefty fine that Namjoon had reluctantly paid). You sit on each other's laps, ducking your head whenever you see oncoming cars in case they might be cops. (You haven't learned your lesson quite yet, but there is time- you don't have to grow up quite yet).

Tae sits on Jimin’s lap. Hands wrapped around her middle, talking softly over the color of her nails (yellow with chrome, making them look almost buttery). Jungkook sits on Namjoon's lap (the alpha tucks his face into Jungkook’s hair, a little long, a little shaggy, intent on going back to sleep.) And you sit in the middle seat on Yoongi's (playing with your mate's hands, turning them over and over again in yours, until he squeezes them lacing them through.)

The pack omega gets princess treatment on account of having the longest legs. Feet Crossed daintily on the dashboard where it not for his thick slides. Hobi drives and fucks with the playlist. But he doesn't need one. Leaves it alone for once in favor of listening.

Yoongi laughs and you ask him why he is. "Don't take this the wrong way but your ass is so boney, my leg is going numb."

"See! I told you you should come with me to pilates!"

"I'm no princess-"

"No- that's me." Jin snorts from the front seat.

"Joonie that tickles."

It’s only a 15-minute drive on the windy backroads, not so unsafe. Not so necessary that you’ll think about taking two cars and separating your little bundle of love into two places. Headlights crest the hills of shrub roses and shrub oak trees, leggy and just beginning to leaf out.

How is it nearly spring already? When did winter pass? Yoongi’s arms never release your waist, he keeps you like that, close and safe until you skitter into the parking lot.

Jin leaves his red scarf in the car. It sits there in the backseat, a heap of red thread whining over and over again, giving warmth that’s no longer needed. A string of fate organized and neat.

The parking lot at the beach is empty at this time of year and at this time of day. There is no snow piled up in heaps, only remnants in the forms of shallow silver pools and puddles that you traipse through with little regard to the state of your socks. The ocean air is warm, unseasonably so. You’re a mess of tangled limbs and pajamas. Laughs and- “oh my god I have to pee-”

Yoongi loses one of his slides on the way out and Jungkook steals it from the pavement. Running off with it and leaving him to hobble on one foot, only to bring it back after a second. And you let Yoongi place his hand on your shoulder for balance while he slides his sock back into it. Worried about getting his socks wet. His hair ruffled and eyes crusty but the sun-

The sun is bright and hot against your cheeks, wind whipping picking up your hair as it crests the horizon. You run out to the edge of the ocean, your legs fighting to keep up with Jungkook who's faster than you now that he's fully awake.

Water soaks pajama hems and you tread a little too close to the shore. It's low tide and the sea is far out. Sea spoils dot the wet sand, joining the reflection of the sky up above and the stars winking out one by one as the sky lightens slow.

You’re the first one to lift your hands, to shout and run as fast as you can (which isn’t very fast at all, so it’s a good thing they give you a head start) but the others follow without much preamble. Giggling and rushing to get to the sea in time.

It’s warm- the wind coming off the sea is warm and damp and lovely. Spring is here, happiness is here- and it might never be going away again. Not if you can help it and not if you hold onto it. You have seven other people to help you hold on tight and never let go.

No matter how hard it gets- you’ll hold onto it. You promise. (Promise me okay?)

Jungkook catches up to you first in the warm sunny sand. He picks you up and twirls you round and round. Shaking you a little, the same way that Noodle might shake a toy. You giggle, high and melodic.

You only see it for a second, spinning round and round- but the rest of them Seokjin, Namjoon, Hoseok, Tae, Jimin, Yoongi- they all stop where they’re running and watch. You’re dizzy when Jungkook stops, his grin pressed to your shoulder, arms hard under your shoulders. Clinging to him still- not putting you down because you’re dizzy and he’s still lifting you up.

“Jungkook- oh my god put me down- I’m heavy Koo- ” You’re a little panicked, a little startled, but laughing all the while.

“Not really. I can still carry you.” He tosses you up and catches you- shrieking even though you don’t really leave his hands. Clinging to him, scared of the weightlessness before he sets you down where you teeter, unsteady, dizzy but still laughing.

Your hands stay around his shoulders, on your tippy toes, and he raises his eyebrow at you.

The others catch up and Jimin leans down to squeeze around your middle. Salt air tickles your forehead.“You’re like hardly a work out-“

Yoongi’s teeth worry away at his lower lip, “guys-“

Jimin shows you it’s not a big deal by heaving you up and over his shoulder. leaving you shrieking again.

“Minnie no!”

"Minnie yes"

Jungkook and Jimin take off and Hobi and Yoongi chase them down, you feel a bit like a chew toy but in the best way, in the way that makes your stomach light and crinkly from the giggles and laughter. You end up with your knees in the sand and Jungkook against your stomach. Hobi behind you, hands fighting Jungkook's. wrestling over you until none of you have anymore energy for it. All of you are covered in sand but you're laughing so hard you taste salt.

You end up sitting there, at the edge of the storm line, where the sand goes hard and crusty at your feet but light and fluffy by your hands. You watch the rest of the sunrise like that. The good part. The best part when the colors bleed across the blue horizon line all yellow and gold.

Namjoon holds out a hand for Jin to get down, a bit more dignified than your sprawling mess of pups. And the pack omega leans sideways against Yoongi’s shoulder. Complaining squeakily about the state of his knees.

You settle against the sand. The eight of you curled close to keep out the last bit of cold. Eyes burning as you watch the sunrise and can't tear your eyes away. Until the sky turns that unmatched shade of blue, the kind that is never quite replicated by nature. Not in roses or daisies or in the color of people’s eyes. Everything blue blue blue.

Your sweatshirt is one of Yoongi's, the same color. Tae’s nails are that purple-blue too as she holds Jimin’s hand in the sand. The same color as the tiny piece of sea glass that Hobi pulls from between his legs because he somehow always finds sea glass. The best at finding lost things.

His hand slides around your middle, pulling you to rest firmly against the hollow of his chest. And his other raises to show you the little fleck of sea glass. Balanced on his index finger.

"It's a lucky find," you say. Hoseok hums behind you. Agreeing. Warm.

Later, you look over at him in the bagel shop (because if you’re going to have an early morning outing then it might as well come with breakfast and coffee.) You sit together with Hobi, Waiting for your sandwiches and your lattes.

Namjoon, Yoongi, and Jin sit at one table and bicker over the merits of avocado toast. While Tae, Jimin, and Jungkook take over the other playing some game that involves flicking a quarter over each of their sides and playing footsie under the table too.

Although Namjoon and Jimin will get frustrated and tug all of the red and white metal tables together before long- No one has the mind for it yet. All of you are still sleepy and pupish and young in a way that you haven't been, haven't felt in such a long time.

Growing up can wait for a day more, growing up can always always wait.

(You haven't thought about it at all today- what Geumjae did to you. You haven’t thought about the hurts in your past at all today and you won’t, the day will pass and it won’t weigh on you, you won’t even notice. That’s the way healing goes- you hardly notice)

(Later there will be food and you won’t think about eating it at all. Hoseok will make your sandwich up just the way you like it and you won't even have to ask for it. You'll eat the same way you love, messy like children but with so much hope in it.)

At the bagel shop, You’ll reach over and wipe your thumb across his lips to get some cream cheese off and it will be the first breakfast of many you’ll spend with him. How lovely is it- to get to spend mornings with the people you love? How lovely it is to lose track of the days and hours and kisses. To not count first kisses anymore and only count more.

You and Hobi are quiet where you sit at the metal tables, it’s not an uncomfortable silence, unbroken by ego or arrogance or anything of the sort. He looks over and smiles at you.

And because he asks, “What are you thinking about?” You give him an honest answer.

“Being at the beach like that,” Your hands play with the piece of blue sea glass he got you, your pockets are full of them because you spent a few minutes once the sun was up walking until the others called you back. Hand in hand, stopping only to pick up more.

“With the sunrise and the sunlight all around us, It kinda felt like the world was giving me a really big hug, do you think that’s stupid?”

(Neither you nor Hobi is thinking about what was done to you. Not even a little bit, not even at all. I hope you never think about it either. I hope you get to have days where you don't remember. Where you forget what it was like to need to be strong. May the prey animal part of you that lingers in your body and remembers be turned soft and docile with age. May you forget what it's like to be hunted and afraid. I hope you forget him. The man who hurt you. I hope you forget what he looks like and the sound of his voice. I hope you forget it all.)

“I don’t think that’s stupid at all.”

He pulls his chair over to your side of the table and puts his chair right next to yours so that your thighs can touch. Even though it’s a public place and even though it’s probably not appropriate. He pecks your shoulder and squeezes around your waist extra tight, grinning. It’s an awkward sideways hug but he pulls you as close as he can until it forces a giggle from your stomach. His palms press flat against your stomach and his thumb rubs up and down. Slowly.  

“In case you want one more, what’s another hug after all?”

~-~

Notes:

It's a sweet sort of irony, that this chapter is going to be posted when the people who live in the bily house are getting married <3 like what are the odds of that.

i think that this chapter is the real like- spot between the chapter chapters of bily and the epilogue! i think you can kind of feel it in the way that the chapter ends.

it's so like me to accidentally talk about tae's boobs for a few paragraphs i can't help it her tiddies are just so special to me. like 10/10, i saw a picture of dita von tess and just so you know...in my mind after tae gets a boob job- which she will- this is just me forshadowing it- thats the kinda tiddies she gets <3 cute lemon shaped ones!

the line about tae liking hyung more than oppa to use for the other members of the pack- is just kinda edgeing on an idea i've had for a while about my own gender thoughts- and thats that you can take what you like and what you don't like from each gender and make it what you want regardless of how you identify.

it's easy to forget that yoongi is also traumatized too you know? he needs so much hugs in this,

it always hits me how stylistically different i write the characters in bily- like this chapter i feel like i really got to develop yoongi's internal voice like- he's a very even cut of internal monologue, action, and sensation. different than the m/c who tends to be sensation first and then action, and jimin who is all bland sensation, and tae who has a very very strong internal monologue.

In many ways this chapter feels so like- stylistically light- like i think this entire series i've been trying to capture the feelings of found family- and you know-= this one gets alot of it right.

[patchiko]

Your AK HC were on POINT 👌👌👌 literally everything you said was so right. It was really refreshing seeing this kind of take on AK Jason.

AK Jason is a cat that’s been feral for most of its life and you just gotta approach him gently and be patient 🥺

I also agree… this boi is a VIRGIN 👏 this man had no game and wasn’t even seeking anything (cause 1) his mind is entirely focused on one goal atm and 2) all his trauma 😞 ) he’s prob like a deer in the headlights for any first time physical intimacy wether that’s holding hands or sleeping together (poor baby)

I want to give AK Jason a nice blanket, a cup of tea and his favorite book 🥺 I doubt it would help a lot though. I just want to shower this boi with love

literally jumping up and down. for so long i was nervous to post my takes on him hcishskshd.

psps also i see yall in my inbox dw imma get to you all :]

but your so right, ak!jay is so a feral dog/cat to me. I say dog because of his implication throughout the arkham comics and mainstream ones, that robin to jason was seen as bruces lap dog.

So i’ve always seen AK!jay as a “runner dog.” You know? The type that sees an open door and runs out of the house, wont come back for nothin.

But feral cat so describes his personality, the just standing and watching, and slowly warming up, is so him coded ,, anon ur soOOO right.

nsfw under da cut (light / not detailed :] ) ((also soft and warm hehe))

ill die on this hill,, he had NO interest in sex for so long, barely slipped his mind with training. Only got off to break off steam and he would just take his ass to bed.

and like anon said, even for basic things like holding your hand on his shoulder he gets so tense.

Subconsciously he’s waiting for something bad to happen, for it to be a trick, so it takes a really long time for him to weed those distrusts out :(

luv him soo bad needa hold his hand and feed him food.

his first time hes so quiet and stiff. hes not mentally freaking out, but again subconsciously hes expecting something bad to happen.

he feels like theres something under his skin tingling, the sensation that made him pull back many times before.

but nothing bad is happening, and it takes him awhile to accept that too.

The possibility has never seemed completely unreal to him, but really experiencing that kind of intimacy and love was so surreal to him.

When its over, he’s looking at you with big blown out eyes, and his mind is so quiet, in a good way, but most importantly that fog, that darkness he has felt for so long isn’t there. He feels so real and present in the moment.

He’s touching your skin, actually feeling and processing the way you feel against him, the texture of the cloth you two lay on, and your face.

Falls asleep, doesn’t dream. a peaceful night. he wakes up, the fogs back but he feels a little lighter when he walks :)

ak!jay dealing with everyone (including you and i my friend) thats in his tumblr tags ((link))

my rq are open im so happy people wanna hear me ramble abt his crazy ass fuckdjskbdkssndj !!!

[kazehita]

hi! i noticed your recent post recommending the fic natural satellite and i think i've noticed other isat fics around your blog too. because of that, i was wondering if you had a list of recommended isat fics! i will admit i am not someone who just peruses around on ao3 but i love reading about these characters so if you have any recs, i would greatly appreciate them! thanks and i hope you have a lovely day :3

I love ALL isat fic - each and every one is so special and wonderful - but if I listed the whole archive that wouldn't really help huh... So! Im going to list just some off the top of my head., this is in no way definitive. Isat spoilers ahead - get all the way through the game and the secret before proceeding.

Big recommendation list below:

Additionally, mind the tags for each fic - I wont be specifying the content warnings here.

(don't just read the complete ones!!! Incomplete fic is just as delightful I promise :3)

Complete: Bloom - Level99Eevee Most people know it, it sits at the top of the tag! It's my every wish fulfilled for post-cannon moments.

Memories of defeat - dirtbagtrashcat Stuff in and immediately after the loops, fantastic extrapolations!!!! Very much Loop <33 I find this very grounded and realistic!!!!

Emotion Sickness - dirtbagtrashcat Post cannon fun/trauma with siffrin and the gang.

Memories of Touch - dirtbagtrashcat look i just really like their work sjkdjkfjkasdf its all good go through their profile. This is Isa thoughts.

And if I were not myself, would this be easier? - rabbit_soup Post-game! I love how they flesh out the world.

The Understudy - kittyorange Suuuuch a loop fic I love it to bits. Post cannon loop and the gang stuff.

Star-Speckled Skin - Lora_Blackmane Funn angsty moment, title is very descriptive. Lives in my head rent free.

Clinging to dying embers - Coffeewolf67 Odile's perspective of sif using the dagger. appropriate content warnings apply :)

between the end and a new start - glowingjellyfishtreelights SICKFICCC I had a very funny experience with this one where due to memory mishaps I got to read it for the first time twice! Absolute banger.

What's in a name? - Raaj Explores siffrins love of plays. I have to regularly reread this for my brain to function.

Starstruck - Dusk_Illusionist Isa yearns. The fic. It rocks.

Saturn Devouring His Son (Time Choking on Stone Choking on Blood)- BasilPaste Post cannon moment... I like it...

(Why) you can't let them know by Mayasynth sasasap fic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i like it. i hold it. i like it. UGH theres more but I have already listed so many.. my other favorites... im so sorry.,.. i love you guys too... Incomplete:

How To Rest by rabbit_soup Sequel to "And if i were not myself, would this be easier?" Loop is here and I love violence.

TRY IT AGAIN, CHEATER! by discatded "[Loop returns to their own universe after everything. It's hard.]" - from the summary. Love it love it. I will never get enough of this premise.

To Extend our Reach to the Stars Above by Cinnamin_Is_a_Star "Sif if he was team rocket" and is so fun. Very excited to see this one pan out!

until we move on. by Anonymous (also known as lozy) LOOP MY BELOVED..! loop returns to their universe and promptly looses it like the universe intended. Cant get enough of it.

Natural Satellite by dirtbagtrashcat If a single fic makes me the Most insane its natural satellite if I'm honest.... like bro... It just gets right to me...

Sunder by Miranda_tries_their_best Post-cannon Loop fic!! They travel on their own for a bit (but not forever), and I love it dearly.

Face the Light by Kaimiiru Post-game, I hold it close to my heart.... Ah... It's so dear to me.

These next two are sloop so if that's not your thing you have been warned :]

raconte-moi qu’on puisse crier tout bas by bibliomaniac I'm holding this high above my head so everyone can see it the characterization is off the charts.

To Cut You Open With a Knife and Find Your Sacred Heart by Hexea_Art Changeling Loop fic!! What a fun concept. I am excited to see where it goes. yay! AGAIN... THERE ARE SO MANY I LOVE SO MUCH but im forcing myself not to look through the tag else I'd add everything. Honestly, I do recommend just launching right on into the ao3 tag for ISAT even if you aren't super familiar with ao3. Just be sure to filter out anything you don't want to see!

Consider this a good starting point ^^

[macncherries]

hello little art blog Hello Mario,

Shit on this blog is SUGGESTIVE IN NATURE. I post what i want. If it is explicit NSFW it is censored. I will draw porn/NSFW, only the ugly bits are covered. If you want to see the ugly bits check my Patreon.

DNI ➫

◘ If you are not 16+. Yes its redundant, but people still wont listen anyways. ◘ Pro/Anti fuckers. ◘ Fetish content. ◘ Shotacon fuckers, Lolicon fuckers, & the like. Dont fuck with me. I know what you are. ◘ Plantcest fuckers. ◘ Republicans ♡ ◘ Christians unless its the 'Bible Fandom' Christians. ◘ Adult/Minor shippers. ◘ Blogs dedicated to glorifying/romanticizing self-harm in any format. ◘ Zionists ◘ Obvious things; racists, homophobes, transphobes, radfems, terfs, incest shippers, pedos, etc.

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⃝𖤐 Anyways. Hello, i am Adam, you can call me "Mac" too if that tickles your fancy. I prefer Adam because it is my real name, but Mac is just the shortened version of my user, so both are ok. ⛧ I am technicality Queer-identifying, but i may use the MLM flag out of convenience. ⛧ I am transsexual, FTM. ⛧ I have autism (AUDHD), so i may respond to you in weird ways and/or not pick up on social queues. ⛧ I am Caucasian ദ്ദി(╹-╹) ⛧ I am not religious and do not like particularly like religions. ⛧ I have a cat. Her name is Stinky. ⛧ My boyfriend is @halfbakedpenguin he does neat stuff. (˶˘ ³˘(´͈ ᵕ `͈˶)

My first language is English. I can speak/understand Japanese "well" conversationally, but reading it is more difficult, as i am still learning more kanji. Please speak to me in Japanese, i enjoy it.

Because of the ADHD/'Tism wombo combo, i switch from fandom to fandom with great intensity. There is no promise that what you follow for i will draw forever. Some hyperfixes last weeks, some months, some years. I am sorry ૮๑ˊᯅˋ๑ა

Here is my Carrd.

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Hello. You made it to the bottom. Here are fun factz.

◘ · · ─ I have aphantasia (I cannot see things in my brain, what people call "an imagination") (Yes, it makes art difficult) (No, i cannot imagine books/written media when i read them) (No, i cannot see my dreams. Dreams do affect my other senses though) ◘ · · ─ I have 7 piercings and 2 tattoos. I had 8 piercings, until my 1-year-old, completely healed nostril piercing closed on a random Tuesday afternoon. So technically the one in my intro art is a Lie. I mourn the loss of her every day. ◘ · · ─ I really love the word 'Soup'. ◘ · · ─ My favourite animal (and favourite isopod) are Giant Isopods. Specifically Bathynomus Giganteus. My second favourite is Ukrainian Skycutter pigeons. ◘ · · ─ Ive owned two budgies before, Lance and Rin. Theyve both passed now, but my second ever special interest was birds, and i still hold occasional hyperfixes on them ^_^ So, I am planning to adopt/rescue a pigeon! ◘ · · ─ If youre wondering, my first ever special interest was Minecraft. Again, it still possesses me every so often. I am also very good at BedWars because of it. Ive been playing it since Version 1.2 (Not to be confused with 1.20). ◘ · · ─ I have an uncanny ability to pitch & tone-match. As long as it is within my vocal range, i can imitate it to the degree it sounds like a recording. Thank you autism, very cool

[luminique]

looking through the lighter tag at the end of the day and your posts are there 😭 I am fed I am happy

HAVE YOU SEEN THAT OFFICIAL STORY ART OF LIGHTER (DONT!!!! READ AHEAD IF YOU HAVENT AND DONT WANT MINOR SPOILERS !!!!) ooohh my god. not to yearn on main but imagine him letting you help him bandage him up or him softly watching you trace your hand along his scars. If you ask he'll probably tell you where he got them but he doesn't wanna make you uncomfortable by just straight up telling you GAH I LOVE HIM

I keep thinking about how he's the one of newest sons of calydon members and the whole idea around being friends since before he had joined them and just . ouugh. And maybe you join him (and he will literally never forget it even though he wont mention how much that means to him)

Something something being the mechanic to his biker . I can't spell it out I had a mokent of clarity and got embarrassed about all this but I'm NOT TURNING ANON ON AGAIN!!!! I want to talk about him so badly he's such a loser (/pos)

he’d definitely not tell you straight up from what we’ve seen in the story currently. he lightly dances around the topic, maybe thinking it might push you away from him. who would love someone who’s covered in scars? but the moment you show even more interest and care, it softens him so much.

ALSO since i just finished the quest, he says at the end that we’re (proxy/mc) the only ones that remember him. like i literally did this whole event FOR YOU !! and if the SoC ever ask about you two, he’d get flustered when you’d start talking about your friendship with him. you’re mentioning some embarrassing moments and he just clears his throat and gets up, saying that he needs to get more nitro-fuel (there’s still a lot left). seeing you talk to the girls from afar, reminded him of when he first met you. he was beat up, bruised, earning titles for himself, people would never voluntarily go up to him without the intent of starting a fight. and yet you did, bearing no ill intent and only pure interest in wanting to know him.

for the last one, OUGSHSGSKDG i genuinely have like a thing for machinery (robot men i love) but i never see it through because i fear i am not a mechanic/engineer. definitely will try to write a long proper post for it so maybe in the future (maybe after his release?). BUT THE VISION !! I SEE IT !!

[ryuatewater]

what happened why is there mass genocide of anons???

glad im not anon

wait-

-📟

Well its from the anonverse uh ill explain it all wait

Okay so you know @/a-narcissists-warren right?

Funny thing they have their asks open and answer non question like stuff (basically just talking)

Well my friend started talking to them in anon while also adding an anon sign off so Afonso could recognize em (they used the 💽🎞 emoji combo)

And Afonso always* drew a little doodle when answering them, they even drew the anons and gave them unique designs based off their emojis

When I saw my friend talking to Afonso (who is literally my idol) I ofcourse wanted to do it too so I sent in a few asks (one or two asks really because i was nervous and shy) ALSO using an anon sign off (though i got the short end of the stick because my anon sign off had stuff to do with trees my lil guy was a tree too)

Then new anons started appearing so Afonso started drawing them designs too

People REALLY loved the designs and everything was going jolly

Then Notepad anon made an account for their anonsona

Everyone LOVED the idea and started making accounts too

The anons were interacting with eachother, drawing eachother fanart, blah blah blah everything was so fun and jolly!!

Heres the most recent pic i have of the anons btw

BTW THIS IS DRAWN BY @a-narcissists-warren SORRY FOR THE TAG

BUT there was a certain anon (I've seen a few names used for them like funny, odd, creepy but most common was silly anon so ill just call em that) silly anon had an account way before they started sending asks to Afonso

I wasnt there to see it myself but from what ive heard Silly Anon is canonically a child, back when the account first started people sent "asks" to silly anon just brutally murdering them woth gory descriptions that i wont be talking about now, this of course affected the child a lot and the kid grew up to be extremely violent (they were canonically 7 years old when they started sending asks to Afonso i believe) they also closed their own ask box because they were scared of getting hurt again

Silly anon would brutally kill people if not given enough candy (they of course loved candy bc theyre a literal child) so there was a full on massacre that happened because silly hadnt eaten enough candy to calm down

I believe it was here when we learned of a power Afonso had, they could draw in the air with their finger and anything they drew became real! But if they drew too much theyd experience a burn out where their hand was literally burnt and they couldnt draw properly

So Afonso started drawing candy for silly anon and when they couldnt draw because of a burn out they went and bought some for them

Afonso also tried to treat silly well and made them feel welcome (acting like a parental figure in my opinion)

So silly started trusting Afonso

Afonso drew all the dead people back to life and everything was alright again

Timeskip to when sillys canonical birthday came, they were turning 8 years old, they made a post about it and tagged every anon, everyone gave silly candy and sweets!! It was going so well until ONE ANONYMOUS ASSHOLE stabbed silly anon, silly healed quickly but was enraged, seeing red even, the ask box closed back up and silly went on another rampage literally killing EVERY ANON THERE IS and they were killing these anons using methods people ued on them, making the anons live trough sillys trauma

Okay so every anon was dead, Afonso was outside while all this was happening so when they came back they were horrified, every anon was dead and silly was so mad they even wanted to kill Afonso but Afonso started crying about how they couldnt make silly feel better, become a better person and theyve done all that they could

Silly dropped their weapon and hugged Afonso falling asleep on their shoulder because they were exhausted from all that killing, they breathed out a white gas from their mouth recovering every anon thats body was still intact and not turned into a pile of gore

Afonso drew all the other people back to life so now every anon is back EXCEPT ONE, 💽🎞 anon (who we like to call dvd anon), dvd anon was underground when they got killed so they cant be recovered right now

But every other anon is back

Thats where the story is at right now

Ryu note: if dvd doesnt come back i will cry /halfjoking

[turnstechgodhead]

Le sign... speaking of the server,

dirk is encouraging me to be more firm on my own thoughts for my comfort

i've seen ppl talk about it in stream a lil which im always like I Don't Care when it pops up but i've had Enough and i want to talk about the topic bc it's itching at my brain follicles.

since we're pretty strider-oriented, this had to happen at some point: strider cest/strilonde cest/in cest wont be allowed in the main server. if other people don't care, i might make a separate server.

-"hey why is that ^ something you would allow? pretty insane." / "are you a pro shipper then??"

no

"so you're an anti?"

also no

i dislike this argument as a whole bc i don't 'get it' i guess because im audhd. neither side is fully correct nor fully wrong.

"fiction affects reality." and "fiction is not reality." are two different thought processes that can and should coexist in the same space.

look. fiction can affect reality, but it IS also possible to separate from it. you can para or whatever responsibly. tag it. try to make sure people who don't want to see it don't have to see it. and if minors are getting sent your shit, make sure its clear that this should NOT be happening in reality. if you're a child, keep that shit blocked. it's NOT for you and you should not be actively consuming it. (please listen to this advice bc i grew up on the internet barely supervised, from a very unhealthily early age [7-8] and then developed into a fucked up hypersexual.) (seeing something fucked up and being like AUGH my eyes! is normal because that just. happens. thats life. you deal with it afterwards in some way. talking to someone you trust etc. you do not go back for more i am begging.) (if someone is showing you these things on purpose then please read this website all the way through for me ok?)

you should not be looking at an adult exploring/enjoying fucked up shit

videogames are not going to make you or me more violent by having violence, gore, and murder in them. but videogames DO make some people violent. those people should not have access to these things. but we (you and i) cannot control that beyond making sure content is labelled and set aside. i like playing games where i assassinate people. i am not an assassin. someone could play the same game and get terrible ideas they act on. this is not my fault for playing the game.

and, if you're an adult who likes fucked up shit (me too) tag your shit or have it listed somewhere on your about that it's something you post about frequently there. and maybe reiterate that it's not real. its just toys. and should never be followed irl. yeah, it fuckin sucks that we gotta do this shit, but kids are unfortunately on the internet, with the inability to differentiate grey from black and white. your shit might be the first exposure. which sucks!! so it's our responsibility to try and mitigate harm on both sides unfortunately until we can convince parents to start parenting their children again. which sucks. i just wanna post shit in peace but the buzzing around from very loud teenagers makes me anxious. i get it.

it fucking sucks!!! but we can't control other people, especially if theyre malicious

but you control what YOU see on the internet. block anyone. (i blocked someone back in the day for disliking johndave. be free.) and help people do that (control what they see) by making it very clear. you aren't evil for not wanting to see it, and other people aren't evil for enjoying fucked up content.

also some of yall on BOTH SIDES do some truly vile shit in the name of this argument when your energy could be spent elsewhere doing shit you like or even doing things that are actually. Helpful.

so i don't like either label i dont want to be associated with either of the sides but if you want to call me one or the other then . Whatever i guess? thats your business, not mine. just know you are not a failure or a freak for not constantly reinforcing and reassuring everyone that you think adults doing their own thing in fictional spaces with little toy dolls (that theyve been doing since the 70s-80s) is gross. you can just think that like. in general and look away because the dolls are dolls. but don't go posting doll horn-knees untagged. that's rude as fuck.

[multifunctionalnitroglycerin]

Leona and Diana Old Lore / New Lore. My take on it

Okay so, I am relatively new to the League community, with barely three years under my belt, but lore is one of the things that interest me the most about it. And well, the dynamic between Sun and Moon coded characters is one I never pass up in exploring. Leodia is arguably my favorite ship from League, but it's mostly the idea of it, with recent executions leaving me feel kinda... meh.

So apart from probably having read every single half decent fic under the Leona/Diana tag on Ao3, I have scourged the internet for their lore and have come across quite a few references of their old one. Never found the complete thing though. And possibly unpopular opinion, I like it better than their current one.

That is not to say that the old lore is any sort of masterpiece, and people could argue that it doesn't set them up to be lovers, but I think with a little bit of tweeking it can become really good. Many of my ideas are inspired from a fic I probably read like 2 years ago, also features an OC named Helena and has a side of Riven's inner struggle, Riven and Diana friendship and Rivelia. (I cannot for the life of me remember the name, I apologise)

My problem with the New Lore mostly, is that it's vanilla for a mountain of warriors and *cultists* it feels almost like High School AU but try to fit it into League, and yeah it's not it for me. Also the co-dependence of their ascension, and just Leona's whole thing kinda sucks. Like I can see how people might see it as romantic and poetic and whatever, that they ascended at the same time and Leona followed Diana up the mountain to keep her safe etc. etc. but that's kinda glossing over some issues especially with Leona's character.

Now the new take on Leona's character is really interesting, and a complete 180 from the old lore and actually the idea isn't so bad, if they ACTUALLY DID ANYTHING WITH IT. Now as a person that definitely doesn't overanalyze literature and fictional characters for fun, Leona's new lore is such an interesting take and could be taken many directions if someone chose to explore it and go a bit deeper that "genocidal close-minded bigot".

At first read Leona is really just that. She does what she is told no hesitation, no questions asked and turns on Diana also no questions asked. But let's take it a bit deeper shall we?

I have no intention to make it as though Leona holds no blame for her actions or that she is a paragon of virtue, cause she is not. But if we dive in her story a bit more we could perhaps understand how she came to be what she is. Because under no circumstance do I think she is that daft. Especially if she was with Diana for years. Some of that curiosity must have rubbed off on her. Then again she could have just ignored everything Diana said about the Moon and her research. I guess we'll never know.

I do not intent to ramble about Leona in this post. But I'll give you some clues as to why her backstory and the whole Targonian premise is important. She is born practically into a cult, or well a religion with really strict and particular disciplines. So already an environment with very particular ideas and particular ways to enforce them. She is the daughter of two really strict and proud parents in said cult, who seem to care more abt her achievements and punishments than anything (Grade A parenting), - She doesn't even send them that letter in the end - and she is the golden child of the Solari. So what do we have in our hands? An affection starved perfectionist suffering from gifted child expectations. NOw take that and put it in the Solari premise of religious fanatism and voila!

(I will probably at some point make a separate post abt this, because I really took a deep dive in Leona's character when writing my Ruination fic - that I wont ever post anywhere probably - and I have a LOT to say)

So in the old Lore the Rakkori are the warriors and defenders of the mountain, a bit heavy on the bloodthirsty side though, hence the right of Kor. A coming of age ritual battle to the death. (What else could it be). Leona being the only one that refuses to kill her opponent and friend, is sentenced to be executed, but before the execution could be carried out, she is claimed by the Golden Sister as the Sun aspect with a beam of golden light.

I feel that Leona's ascension in particular is really important in the old Lore, because in such a warlike culture she was rewarded for showing mercy. She was chosen because she chose mercy over mindless slaughter. Something that could potentially be really important later on, in a mountain where half its indigenous people have slaughtered the other half??

Point 1 I like from the old lore: The Sun chose Leona because she was merciful. (Or had a semblance of a moral compass)

Moving forward the lines kinda blur for Diana, mostly cause I am not sure what I remember is actual lore and what is related to that magnificent fic.

Her curious truth-searching nature is ever present. She discovers hidden texts, burned pages and embarks on a journey of knowledge that leads her to climb the mountain. Only she is in the company of an elderly woman I think? Anyhow, she finds - is lead to - an alcove, an old temple and the relics of the Moon Aspect. Overjoyed at her findings she dons the armor takes it all down to the elders, they call her a heretic, brand her, and intent to kill her, when she begs the Moon for help and ascends. Either her or the moon blast kills every elder in the room she gets blamed either way, and the chase begins.

Diana is at her core an academic and a researcher, that researches. She has her Indiana Jones moment in the mountain and there is a process a ritual to it, instead of I just climbed up saw unimaginable terrors and now I am the aspect of the Moon (over-simplified I know. The climb judges worthiness). There is something about her checking old dusty books, and deciding to brave the climb looking for answers. About her choosing to be helpful -kinda as a mirror to Leona sparing her opponent, Diana, the one that keeps to herself - apart from when arguing abt academics and scriptures consciously engages with and helps a stranger, guiding them up the mountain and helping them along the way when the trip became too arduous.

Point 2 I like from the old lore: The ritual of the process in Diana's research and ascension and the mirroring with Leona, minor though it is, that they ascended - sooner or later - after an act of kindness that contradicted what would have been expected of them.

Point 3 I like from the old lore: The brand. Like it just adds another layer to Diana's character. And is a much better explanation for its presence than Moon magic. Also the amount of complications this act has, its just delicious. I mean THE DRAMA. and ofc THE TRAUMA. I don't think she'd go near a fire for months.

Point 3 I like from the old lore: The independence of the ascensions. It gives us the chance to see them grow and evolve as their own people before the thread of fate that binds them together appears. We get to see one without the other, and that would later make their dynamic more interesting.

But How are Leona and Diana connected?

In the old lore they aren't. I think. Leona is like a blood hound that needs to kill the heretic.

In the fic, Leona's dad was one of the guards in the room when Diana ascended and was killed, which in the context of the story adds a layer of betrayal between them, as up to that point they were lovers. And you know what, I really like that idea. And I was thinking that perhaps we could try to get the best of both worlds. Though it might be difficult to fully develop the idea.

Lore Idea:

So the Rakkor ans the Solari are different factions. Solari = priesthood, Rakkor = Warriors. Leona's family are Rakkori, and they are simple people, her father works as a guard for the Solari Temple, something that is considered a bit of an honor despite that fact that the factions don't rly see eye to eye about everything. Right of Kor happens when they are around 15 (Yes I want to traumatize a bunch of teenagers that train to fight, kill and defend since they could walk) and Leona's story proceeds as we know it. She then gets taken to the Solari temple to be educated in their way and train to become the figurehead of their faith. (Like that Leona has already had the chance to develop some critical thinking, and to experience sth different.)

She gets there and all the acolytes younger and older look at her starry eyed, because the elders told them so and because they see her like a bit of a Messiah. (Plus I doubt a bunch of scrawny academics and priests to be have seen anyone their age with that musculature). All of them apart from Diana, who as always isn't particularly impressed by the paragon in training of the Solari faith.

Leona is relieved to get some normal person treatment, even if it is from the broody girl with her nose in a book half the time, and like the cocky 15year old meathead she is, she wants to show off a bit and perhaps win her favor. Shenanigans ensue and Diana unlike the other people that desperately want to befriend Leona, is not impressed.

Another point of similarity is that Leona - that has ascended already mind you - would have a few questions and oppositions to all that mumbo jumbo the Solari say about the Sun and the Moon. So after she flops exceptionally in one oration or sth class, with saying something positive about the Moon that has the students look at her with horror, and the priest fuming and screaming punishments - light ones, because the Sun chose that clueless miscreant, and he doesn't want to fall out of her favor - Leona manages unknowingly to win inquisitive Diana's intrigue - and favor, (but don't tell anyone about the last part).

A tentative bond forms. It gets solidified when Leona stops a few bullies from beating Diana to a pulp, and the dark haired girl in return helps her pass a class she was having an exceptionally hard time with. Diana - who in my head is a year younger - does eventually get charmed by the surprisingly goofy and sunny disposition of the Sun Aspect in training. (Don't get this wrong Leona will still act like a 15 yo that has had to train and fight every day of her life) Diana asks her countless questions about life outside the temple and they discuss theology together, either trying to help Leona understand, or trying to make sense of Diana's findings. (The Rakkori in my head are far more neutral abt Sun and Moon, more like if there is light and I can see I am happy, whether its the Sun or the Moon. "There was even that one traveler from some big city, Pilt - something was it, that even said that the Sun and Moon are like orbs in the night sky, one is a star rly close to us and the other is like a smaller planet or something, can you imagine?")

The become friends, the Nightless Eve happens, and then they become lovers. Leona starts suffering from all those expectations and the charade she needs to put up, she has more hours with classes and training she gets tutored by the priests, punished more severely when se speaks out of line or says something borderline heretical, yada yada. More people like her and she likes the attention. She doesn't abandon Diana though, and she always defends her. Things get difficult as the years go by but still they persist. (We could include some homophobic sentiment in the Solari, or even sth downright misogynistic, which would add complications with Leona's state as the Radiant Dawn, and the wlw relationships as they would not be seen as real substantial relationships - add asshole trying to flirt with Leona bc her relationship with Diana isn't real cause they are both women- DRAMA)

Leona is 18 passes her final exams, and Diana is 17 when Diana's arc happens. They have a huge fight about faith and contradicting it and if it is worth it. (No one wants to bandage their lover's whipped back that is practically a mosaic of scars at this point, or nurse them to health after sever dehydration - cause yes apparently standing naked in the sun for three days can do that). Diana storms off angrily. Finds an elderly woman in the base of the mountain that needs help going up (Silver sister in disguise). She helps her up, and when they are like 3/4 up and rest cause Diana's everything hurts the woman disappears. She looks around, finds the temple, sees carved proof that the Solari and Lunari co-existed gets the relics and climbs back down excited to show everyone her findings.

Meanwhile Leona has left for an emergency Solari mission or sth, and hasn't told Diana. Diana goes to the priests, they don't believe her, she invokes her right to be judged by the Aspect or sth, the priests pretend that Leona is still around and doesn't want to see or help Diana (Strike 1 of betrayal). Diana feels betrayed and hurt and fears for her life. The priests give the order for her to be branded and executed on the spot. Leona's dad who had been in the room and had met Diana, tries to plead her case from an outsider's perspective. One of the elders reprimands him and threatens him with death.

They brand Diana with the moon Symbol on the forehead, and are about to place her face down in the flames and / or slit her throat, and Iasur can't have her dying thinking that Leona betrayed her (A bit of family honor and afterlife beliefs - honor is a huge deal-, and a bit of a soft spot for his daughter's closest companion). He tries to fight his way to her, and gets killed in the process. Diana witnessing Iasur's murder prays to the moon for help, and seconds before breathing her last breath, she ascends. Pillar of Moonlight and heavenly fire burns everything to a crisp, and Diana remains alone in the middle of the room, barely breathing and clad in the garb of he Moon aspect. She takes one look around her and speeds away from the temple.

Leona returns three days after to find the council and her father dead, the council room in ruins and apparently Diana to blame. On top of that Diana is missing. Leona is presented with the case and believes Diana to be her father's killer. She vows to avenge him and kill the Scorn of the Moon, because her Diana wouldn't do that. It must be the moon spirit. and yes apparently Moon is bad because dad and Diana are gone bc of it. Leona is determined to save her lover from the Moon's clutches and set her free the only way she knows how, with killing her.

And thus their journey begins. Leona becomes more and more of a puppet from here and on driven by anger and betrayal and Diana feels abandoned and betrayed, with nothing left in the world but the glow of the branding mark on her forehead and the knowledge that her lover wanted her dead.

And as for their path to reunite again and achieve peace? Well Leona needs to be merciful, and Diana needs to guide and support someone through the right path.

Thanks for reading this huge ass post. Again MANY credits to that amazing writer on Ao3, if I find that fic I'll put a link here, cause its phenomenal.

Take care and see ya next time!

[swifty-fox]

𝐭𝐰𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐲 𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐟𝐢𝐜 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬!

thank you @antiquitea for the tag! ✨ sorry I made u feel oldTM

tagging in @bucking-mustangs-with-wings @bitchsister @sig-nifier and @avonne-writes!

questions and responses under the read more to save your dashboards 😉

how many works do you have on ao3?

only eleven!!

what's your total ao3 word count?

115,430 (and most of that is probably kfak and one old guard fic lol)

what fandoms do you write for?

Currently only for Masters of the Air but I've also written for The Old Guard (my bewoved)

and wolfstar and aftg but i wont touch those again for various reasons lol

top five fics by kudos

my kingdom for a kiss upon your shoulder - Buck x Bucky (Masters of the Air) 528 kudos

Make Me A Saint - Joe x Nicky (The Old Guard) 448 Kudos

press your tired hands against my lips darling - Buck x Bucky (Masters of the Air) 432 Kudos

Little Beast - Buck x Bucky (Masters of the Air) 368 Kudos

The Calcification of a God - Joe x Nicky (The Old Guard) 294 Kudos

do you respond to comments?

yesss i try to respond to every single comment. After the first 48 hours of a fic/chapter being posted I do get lazy with it but I do get around to everyone eventually!

what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

In another life maybe you and i will be walking down the aisle in white (The Old Guard (Movie 2020)) (18,264 words) lol It's got MCD in it cause I was #coping after losing my grandmother. It was really well received though

what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

uhhhmaaaa....Kfak WILL be?? probably????? Or Little Beasts AU but im so far out from finishing that. The first two endings are pretty emotionally ambiguous I wouldn't quite call them happy.....so maybe

Oh Captain, My Captain! (Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling) (1,612 words) (wolfstar) even though its angsty and kinda implying Remus is dying lmfao

do you get hate on fics?

I got like one comment on a recent chapter that I wasn't sure was hate but otherwise no not really! People seem to receive my stuff really well

do you write smut?

LOL if you asked me four months ago I would have said no <3

craziest crossover?

I don't really do or read crossovers! I did a few years ago start concepting a Wolfstar x Eastern Promises au though

have you ever had a fic stolen?

nope! I've had art stolen though. Someone even got it tattooed without my permission which pissed me off pretty bad lol

have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope!

have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yeah I have lol. I orphaned it though cause the fellow author and I had a massive falling out over Peter fucking Steele of all things

all time favorite ship?

Always and forever Malec from The Mortal Instruments (BOOK ONLY) or DaveKat (Homestuck)

what's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I started a really fucking awesome supernatural horror that took place in rural Maine for Wolfstar as well as actually a Fae/WWII au (inspired by the Bastogne episode of BOB) that I will not be finishing for... reasons.

The ringing in Remus’ ears is so loud he almost doesn’t hear Sirius. There’s a sharp pain on his tongue, rot and muck coating his taste buds. He cannot breathe, his hands shake. He thinks he may be making a noise. In his head there is a voice. His mothers his voice except he doesn't have a mother does he? Not since he was seventeen and whole. His mother’s voice crooning in his ear as she once did around the green 1960’s kitchen.

There’s a bird who sits on a tower. There’s a bird who sits on a tower - who sits on a tower, with beady eyes so clever.

Where did that scar come from?

“А bird who sits on a tower…” He mutters. 

“Pardon?” Sirius asks, snapping Remus out of his thoughts. 

He starts. 

The cabin is up ahead, peeking between the snowy trees like a warm wooden refuge and even at the sight of it Remus feels an uncurling of nerves in his gut. His flesh settles back onto his bones and the ringing eases back to a manageable level. He watches a sodden bloody bee drag her dying body across the dashboard. 

“Cults...you were saying?” - Factis ut credam facis

-

“Hello there Sir Raven.” He says with a chuckle “I don’t suppose you’re one of the King’s are you? Or Churchill perhaps. That would be quite a long way to travel.” 

Sirius puffs up his feathers and clacks his beak at the Man because even though he didn’t quite understand what the Man meant, he knew a compliment when he heard one. Bravely, he hops closer, the warnings of his parents and even of James ringing in his ears. But the shiny thing is dangling free and curious from the Man's neck and he must know what it is. 

“Haha. What a handsome fellow, handsome indeed. Much more well fed than we all are.” The Man laughs, setting aside his Paper and rummaging around in his Clothes. “Still, I bet pickings are getting a bit slim nowadays, even for a clever old Raven. Have you had digestives before?” 

He holds out a hand, nearly as large as Sirius himself and as elegant and pretty as the branches of a willow. All of the Man was like a tree, sharp lines and slightly less sharp curves. There was something in his hand, sweet-smelling and crumbly. Sirius turns his head first one way then the other, regarding the hand with both beady eyes as the warnings of his people ring in his ears. James' voice be careful plays at the forefront and he shakes out his wings in irritation. Man would catch him. Man would hurt him. Capture him and take him away never to be seen again like his Uncle Alphard. Man did not understand magic and magic did not like Man and so Sirius too, did not like Man. Men who burned and tore apart forests, who killed his kinfolk and killed animals and killed each other. And really, Sirius just wanted to understand. It could not be this man, with his quiet words and his offer of food who had destroyed his people. Surely there were other men, cruel men, who had done this and so it would be okay for Sirius to be brave and a little bold. 

“That’s a handsome old boy.” The Man whispers. 

Well that does it then, surely no evil Man would notice how beautiful I am. He must be like my other man with the Paper. Sirius thinks, leaping into the air just long enough to snatch the prize from the Man’s hand and retreat far enough away to devour the sweet treat with his clever beak. It was delicious, dry and crumbly and so sweet that it makes him shiver. He hops boldly onto the Man’s hand, searching for the last crumbs of the food between the cracks and crevices of his skin. - untitled WWII/Fae fic

what are your writing strengths?

Apparently heartwrenching angst <3

what are your writing weaknesses?

I think i don't linger over things long enough, I feel like i can dive more deeply into feelings and scenes if I just stopped and contemplated over them lol

thoughts on dialogue in another language?

I think when done right it adds a lot! I like when authors put the translations at the bottom of the fic/chapter though

first fandom you wrote in?

ouughaaa Probably Maximum Ride back in the late aughts

favorite fic you've written?

Sorry y'all it's definitely Kingdom for a Kiss haha

[eminsunnytoons123]

My class of 3000: back to the SING! Characters infos

Part 2: THE EASTLEY

This is again for all my besties, Sisters, Brothers, pen pals, my two girlfriends And my boyfriend but I wont really tag them now here except for @ducktoonz903707 @nightkit92 @classywinnerpeace @fancytigercupcake @ghostytoastynights And just like how I Said in part 1 of class of 3000 headcanons yesterday, i'll always make posts about more infos of the characters

Number one, Salieri

28-29 years old|pansexual|personalities: Sly, manipulative, arrogant, sarcastic, evil, rude, flirty, sassy And narcissistic

- Salieri is the Main antagonist in 'co3k: back to the SING!' along with his students, big D, And a few more antagonists (even cheddar man since he was considered as a villain on class of 3000 wiki)

- he and Sunny used to be together in the first years of westley school, but for some reason after they graduated, they stopped interacting with each other And then Salieri decided to broke up with Sunny without him knowing

- he probably has narcissistic personality disorder

- he calls his students "rats", but he sees his students as his kids that he raised just like how Sunny sees his students as his own kids

- many People mistake him for being a woman, probably because of the way he looks

- how @nightkit92 makes jokes about Salieri And possibly him being bald, it MIGHT be Canon on the reboot that he wears a wig, but it MIGHT be Canon

- Salieri can often plan mischief And evil plans with his students, but even with some help by Big D

- He is canonly italian on the reboot

Number two, lil' G

13 years old|bisexual|personalities: sassy, rude, arrogant, sarcastic, Sly And manipulative

- Lil' G considers himself as the "leader" of the eastley kids just like how lil' D is the "leader" of the westley kids

- like Salieri, he often gets mistaken as a girl which he isnt, but he is genderfluid

- he is the only eastley student thats only a year older And taller than a westley student

- he probably has a crush on Brooklyn Bill, but doesnt Admit it to him nor anyone else in the eastley group, even tho the other eastley students know that And tease him with that

- he sees Salieri as his own dad just like how Addison, Brooklyn Bill, Bambi, Freddie, jim And Jam see too

Number three, Addison

12 years old|Lesbian 🧡💛🤍🩷💗|personalities: Crazy, wild, sassy, optimistic, arrogant And sarcastic

- Addison has naturally sharp teeth, And some call her "the Shark girl" or "Shark Addison" And she doesnt really mind that

- she probably has a crush on either Bambi or jim, she likes Hanging out with both of them

- And some even call her "wild Shark Lesbian", but she hangs out with boys And males too, but she has a very big thing for women

- addison's favorite Animals are sharks, baracudas And cats

- like Madison, she loves the color Purple And anything Purple-colored

Number four, Bambi

12-13 years old|bisexual|personalities: tough, arrogant, rude, sarcastic And sassy

- Bambi is the toughest in the eastley kids Group, but even sassy

- she is with Freddie, but she knows that Addison secretly has a crush on both her And jim, so she teases her And flirts with her

- she hates when someone thinks she cant do something like in a plan or a mission, And she calls herself "a strong woman" since she is pretty strong And tough

- she has a huge interest in hot strong women And strong men

- Bambi likes the color yellow, black, maroon And Purple

- she sometimes finds others annoying And she is like the most mature And tough there

Number five, Brooklyn Bill

13 years old|bisexual|personalities: rude, arrogant, ignorant, often annoyed but even sassy And sly

- just like philly Phil, Brooklyn Bill is the tallest one And the oldest one in the eastley group

- he has a tiny crush on Freddie, but doesnt really Admit because ofcourse, he doesnt wanna get judged by it

- other eastley kids see him as their older Brother, just like how the westley kids see philly Phil as their big brother

- just like cheddar man a.k.a Charles And tamika, his favorite color is any shades of blue

- even tho he has an actual overbite, he doesnt wear any braces, And some call him "Mr. Overbite" just to annoy him

Number six, Freddie

12 years old|bisexual|personalities: sassy, flirty, sarcastic, rude, greedy, spoiled And arrogant

- just like Eddie, Freddie is very rich And spoiled, And he brags about it A LOT unlike eddie

- he is slightly shorter than jim And jam even tho he is 12 And both jim And Jam are 11, and he is a little tough-looking And chubby a bit

- he is the most sassiest And flirtiest one among the eastley group

- he has an big pet poodle named 'Carlie'

- even tho he is just 12 years old, some People think he is an adult but just extremely short because of his deep smokey-like voice

- he likes eating croissants with tea, And he even likes any vanilla cakes

Number seven, Jim and number eight, Jam

First Jim,

11 years old|trans🩵🩷🤍🩷🩵|personalities: sassy, sarcastic, tomboyish, fun-loving, cute, selfish, rude And arrogant

- Jim loves the color green, lime And cyan

- she is pretty tomboyish, but likes girly stuff at the same time

- like kim And kam, jim and Jam often fight too And argue a lot

- she likes anything made out of orange, like chocolate made out of orange, orange cake... Etc. And she even likes to give Sunny oranges just to annoy him

- she likes parrots And fluffy cats And puppies

Second Jam,

11-12 years old|genderfluid 💖🤍💜🖤💙|personalities: sassy, rude, selfish, arrogant, sarcastic And fun-loving

- Jam is slightly taller than Jim

- he always starts fights And arguments between him And Jim

- he likes to tease his sister, And even the other eastley students when he is bored

- others also call him 'Mr. Big brain' because he is the "smartest" one in the Group along with Brooklyn Bill

- he likes eating anything made out of strawberries And any tropical fruit

I'll post Mila's, Big D's And Cheddar Man's infos tommorow (And I gotta draw more principal luna, Mr Yin And Mr Min And some of Mila's students mostly Tanya)

I hope y'all will like this =^_^= 🧡💛

[19calicos]

fic authors self rec! ♡ when you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. let’s spread the self-love ♡

hi wyr & @mollyrolls !! you both sent me this so i’ll answer u both here :-) thank you for the ask btw !!!

so technically i dont have 5 fics out LFMAOO so i’ll plug everything i’ve published so far + my favorite ikwtl chapters!

when the sun sets, it rises again (osamu oneshot)

this is the most self indulgent thing i’ve ever published ….. i wrote this when i was barely starting to come out of a really bad headspace, and it ended up kind of helping me out of it more. i really love osamu and i’ve been wanting to write more for him but im glad i put him in this one :-) and i think that all of the things i’ve written, i genuinely don’t care how many notes this one gets LOL idk how to describe it but it’s just so close to my heart

street style (oikawa smau)

HELP im gonna have so much fun writing this ITS SO EASY TO BE FUNNY FOR THIS FIC 😭😭 oikawa fuckass bermuda shorts pic u do Not know how iconic u are to me !!!!! i think i’ll also post a style guide for this one since fashion is a part of it !

tea for two (kiyoko smau)

a fic that im very very excited to write ‼️ plus kiyoko deserves more love and the more i plan for this/look at my notes the more im like Wait….. Theres literally no way i actually considered a man for this fic 😭😭 im very excited to do my best in characterizing kiyoko and the support this fic has alr garnered just from the masterlist blows me away <33 i really love the image of crescent teahouse that im creating and how it and yn march to their own beat :-)

i know where to look (kuroo smau)

definitely my pride and joy and very self indulgent 🙂‍↕️ im proud of how far i went with it and i will be finishing it soon one way or another! it still blows my mind that this was my first fic and it kind of blew up very soon after i started publishing chapters. i appreciate all the love it’s received and i think about some of the tags in the reblogs very often, esp when all i want to do is abandon this blog 😭😭

ikwtl chapter 6: clocked and chapter 12: who wont slime

6 & 12 are the funniest chapters i’ve written out of the entire series 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️ i rmbr reading peoples’ reactions and laughing my ass off when i was writing the tweets 😭 like bokuto choking bc he was too drunk to remember to chew & noya selling slime to akaashi i rlly make myself laugh ! i am very glad my very dumb humor has also made other ppl laugh too !!

[eldrith]

HIYAA! It’s me, the new tumblr acc person who asked u abt the text thing on ur own intro post, and i was wanting to ask for some tips on writing?

Ok so hold on let me compliment u first cuz u are actually so amazing!!! i’ve been following ur stuff for a while now (not rlly, since like summer 24 but shh) and honestly ur writing is so stunning and beaand breathtaking and legit made me pull up the dictionary like every two seconds (mostly cuz eng isnt my first language), like if shakespear himself was reborn to this time and age i’m convived he was born as u, cuz ur talent is INSANE?? like AAAAAAAAAAAA

anyway now that i got that out of my system (not rlly, i could write an entire essay on how beautiful and amazing ur writing is) i was hoping to ask for tips on writing? like general stuff yk? also i heard that its good to have a few drafts ready for when u start posting so it wont take long to get content out?

ughh srry for the ramble im stressing😭 also i kinda giggled when u said my blog will def be cute cuz the aesthetic it has rn………. 😀 its far from cute lol😭 i still think its pretty :3

hi cutie! sorry it took me a moment to answer this i've been so busy!!

first of STOP IT bc youre so sweet (& if you've been following me since summer '24 then you've been here the whole time bc i made this account in july!!! <3) the dictionary part ahahaha i get it!!! you're so kind to say such things i appreciate you & im so happy you like my writing!!

dw about rambling i literally don’t stop taking ever. & i believe you that ur blog is SO cute!!!!

i would be happy to share some tips ! i obviously am not the best source bc im not a professional writer and to each their own – but here's a (very long im sorry) list of what i recommend:

in terms of tumblr,

having a 'backlog' of fics in your arsenal is a great thing. i think even a plethora of diferent wips can be a great thing too (there's 11 unfinished wips in my folder rn that may not see the light of day), even if you're a slow writer (like me). that being said, it doesn't have to be that way — sometimes i post things right after finishing them just bc i want to share it!!!

along that vein, i know a lot of my moots here have schedules or structuring to posts. alerting their followers or posting teasers before (i do like to do this often), or scheduling fics to be posted on a certain day/time. i think this is wonderful; though i haven't been able to keep myself to such a routine, and literally just let things rip whenever.

time zone reblogging is a good way to ensure any readers around da globe see your fic! you can figure out some of the main time zones and schedule reblogs of your fics for those times. i sometimes do this too!

create your post draft w/ title/headers/warnings & tags etc beforehand bc it is SUCH a drag to do when you’re about to post a fic!!!

again, people are for the most part very kind here; don't feel like you have to be churning out fics just to keep people's attention. your writing will be wonderful & they will (they WILL. or else i will Get Them) be grateful that you chose to share it!!

in terms of general writing, i actually have so many thoughts on writing and preferences, but i dont want to be insane on main so here's just a few things off the dome—

love your story!! i think people's best works are when they become deeply invested with their own plot/characters. it's why i chose to leave certain characters, because i was no longer loving/enjoying my stories.

withhold information from your readers. i am a huge believer in the theory of omission. this seems to be a bit controversial on here; but i personally am in support of Hemingway's iceberg theory. overwhelming readers with information is boring. let them use their imagination to keep them & yourself from getting burnt out, & allow them to see what they'd like to within those gaps.

write first & edit later. this is something that took me a while to get into the habit of bc i always feel the need to fix things immediately. but it helps the writing process to get out your thoughts and structure first, then fine-comb it after. it saves energy & time!!!

especially in longer fics, avoid logical fallacy — ie., arguments that do not have adequate support. if your characters are fighting and it is for a reason that is not believable (same with a larger scale, like war), then it isn't as realistic nor entertaining to read!!! (i could elaborate but i could write so much on all of this HAH)

USE THE FIVE SENSES. all of them. they are your friend for creating imagery and i use them all the time. this also helps to avoid white room syndrome.

speaking of imagery: make use of both literal and figurative.

literal — obvious & realistic description of anything. ex; describing how black the wings of a raven are. simple& makes a huge difference in world building. figurative — my favorite; words and descriptions that imply certain ideas & need to be interpreted. describing how shadows slither around corners; implying distrust or paranoia, thoughts of serpents, etc. (this is where you have to have faith in your readers — perhaps i put too much faith in them sometimes lmao.)

my favorite way to ensure a cohesive work is to always anchor a motif. i always write with a clear recurring element in my works (could be some device, reference of some sort, words/verbal formula) which appears habitually. in every piece ive written there is at least one motif & usually more (i could cite examples but im not going to rn). it’s my favorite way of conveying emotion & importance. it help sets mood — and ties your whole fic together.

George Orwell has written a lot about never using the passive where you can use the active... this is obviously a preference; i have read countless astounding fics here that write in the passive, but i personally find myself more engaged in active tense. you’re IN the story, not being told of it.

DO NOT USE AI BOTS TO HELP GENERATE YOUR WRITING. ai is incredibly harmful to art; i understand folks who have english not as their native language attempt to use bots to 'polish' their writing, although it is so incredibly obvious when it is used — because computers use patterns. AI CANNOT CREATE, it can only replicate. it can only steal. they use repetitive words, phrases, and structures; all chat GPT fics read, in one way or another, the same; and have a non-human touch which is ingenuine. writers are beautiful and unique because they are different, because we all have a different relationship with english and writing. i often wonder if my translations come out incorrectly because my mother tongue is not english (however i've spoken it basically all my life, so i acknowledge it is different); though i think the charm in authors is their choice in expression. i hope people are confident with themselves, no matter their perceived skill level. i hope they know a robot will take away their intrinsic skill and natural talent. i hope they know it is incredibly obvious when chat bots are used to generate writing. and i see it in this fandom all the fucking time.

writers on writing; ie., some sources that help me:

ray bradbury on: I’ve kept everything I’ve ever cared about since childhood.' or: why personal experience is integral to writing fiction. (1963)

anaïs nin on how the excess of emotion is essential to writing.

ten rules of writing by nietzsche.

vonnegut/kafka: uncertainty is the crucible of creativity. or: the shapes of stories.

writing morally grey characters (character depth)

donna tartt on the writing process: an interview (must watch!!! shes my god)

okay i am DONE yapping. i hope some of this helps & if u have any comments or questions or anything im happy to hear what u think!!

[kiruliom]

hihi reddit's mogai peeps, welcome to mogaiblr, here's a (not so) small guide by your host Vivian to help you grow accustomed to this place.

press the read more/keep reading thingy to continue, dont worry, it dont bite!

general tumblr etiquette

tag your stuff, they wont be seen otherwise.

do not crosstag (tag a group youre complaining about), or tag unrelated stuff

reblog, reblog, reblog! if you see a post that interests you, reblog! this is super important as there is no algorithm and all the like button does is basically save the post for later

tag triggering things!! [thing] tw or [thing] cw should suffice, dont tag every possible version of a trigger, you only have 30 tag slots, it's the reader's responsibility to block all possible tags as theres no limit on blocked tags. I suggest trigger tagging after the 20th tag as tags after the 20th one dont show up on search (stupid I know) but still gets blocked okay

get a profile photo as soon as possible, this site has a massive bot problem and if youre thought to be one you will be blocked without hesitation

if youre on pc, I highly recommend you get xkit, its a browser extension that helps a lot with your tumblr experience

these are the basics, these have been talked about over and over with twitter refugees as well so I wont drabble on them too much

mogaiblr etiquette

1: keep in mind the intersectionality

the mogai tumblr community has a lot of overlap with other communities, namely the disabled community, nonhuman community and plural community. respect them, and listen to them, for they are your allies. you will see the overlapping community get referred to as "LIOM" a lot (like in my username), it stands for labels, identities and other minorities and is meant to be an all encompassing umbrella.

2: make your posts accessible

as I just said, theres a lot of disabled people in this community, so its important to make your posts as accessible as possible. I will talk more on this later

3: dont be afraid to ask individual blogs

there is no subreddit posting system, and if you just post a general question you likely wont get any answers, if you get seen at all, so dont shy away from asking individual blogs about stuff, if their asks are open, it means they WANT you to talk with them and ask them stuff, so never view it as bothering them. the askbox doesnt always say "asks" and similar stuff though due to being customizable, so just know its the little button to the left of the follow button.

4: check pinned posts

pinned posts are posts that are pinned on top of a persons blog, when you open someones blog, theyll be the first post to be seen upon scrolling down. a lot of people use these to introduce themselves, set boundaries, give request rules, talk about availability, etc. so its important to read these through whenever possible.

more on accessibility

1: image descriptions!!!

its basically where you describe the image, as the name suggests, tumblr has an alt. text function for it but it doesnt always work so little [boxes like this] right under the image is ideal for most, yes it makes it look less pretty, but is your aesthetic worth more than someone whos visually impaired not being able to understand the post? trust me no one cares if your posts are pretty or not. anyway, the ideal way to know how to describe an image is pretend youre explaining it out loud to someone across from you, who cant look at your screen for whatever reason.

2: plain text!

yes, tumblr has a lot of cool text features (like bold or italic, or even colored [PT: like bold, italic, or even colored. end PT]) but this is, again, unfortunately inaccessible, due to tumblr being a broken website it often doesnt register formatted text for screenreaders, plus it can be hard to navigate for people with disabilities even without a visual disability. this goes for fancy text and symbols as well (like stars emoticons or a cursive text font). so you have two options, offer a plain text alternative or dont format text at all. offering plain text can be done in the same way as image IDs (theres even an example above).

3: eyestrain

bright colors are awesome, trust me, Id know, but not everyone can view them properly without a migraine or even worse, a seizure. so its important to tag your posts with eyestrain if you decide to make a brightly colored flag, or even better, do your best to make the flag accessible instead, with slightly duller colors with more (or less depending on the flag) contrast. it doesnt make your flag as ugly as youd think, trust me ^^

4: availability cant do one or more of the things mentioned above for any reasons? dont fret! theres blogs out there that can help you, most of them do this out on their own accord.

currently the most active ones are @plaintextpro , @accessmogai and @transflorall (my blog hehe), who specialize in plain text, image descriptions and eyestrain-help respectively

thats about it that I can think of!!! thank you for reading, and if theres anything you'd like to add, dont be afraid to!

[forwhump]

hi! first i want to say how much i love wren & silas.

second, and i may be totally off base, but i wanted to say how off-putting it was for that person to leave a comment on your last chapter just saying "tag me?" i know tagging is a huge part of the culture here but you hadn't offered to start one or let us know that you were interested in having a tag list at all. and instead of asking if you would be interested in starting one and instead of asking if they could be on the list (or even a potential future list), they just put in the least amount of effort by sort of demanding it in a two worded question.

please don't feel the need to post this ask or respond or anything, i just wanted to reassure you that you don't have to start a tag list if you don't want to! it's a lot of work to keep one up, especially with tumblr's new rules about only tagging 5 accounts per paragraph and sometimes the links don't even work and it can be stressful.

i can tell you put in a lot of effort into your writing and these characters and your author notes and I don't want you to feel obligated to do extra work or stress about something like accidentally leaving someone off the tag list or messing up the tag list, etc.

i'm sure the commenter meant well and maybe you wanted to start one anyway and this is all irrelevant but it has been weighing on my mind since i read their comment and just wanted to add my two cents.

third, thanks for reading all this and hope you're well!

I kinda went back & forth about answering this cause I don’t want the person that asked to be tagged to like feel called out or anything (so if you see this I mean NO harm I am so painfully nice I promise !!) but this is just so thoughtful I had to say thank you so much !!!!!!!!

tbh I actually didn’t know tagging was such a huge part of the community until this last like three days LOL somebody had asked before to be on my tag list if I ever make one & I was like “yeah absolutely !!” because I was too shy to be like “what is that” 😭 & tbh again I don’t know if I actually even can because I feel sooooooooooo weird about like forcing my presence on other people & I think it’s SO nice & I’m so flattered that people want to keep up w my little guys but even when I answer prompts & things like I’ll say your name in the note but I WONT tag you because I’m so sure everybody’s gonna see me in their notifs & be like “ugh not this dumb bitch again” 😭😭😭

but anyway LOL more importantly thank you !!!!! I hope something really good happens to you today <3