#i wont stop dont care anymore | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

cree-n-jewish-thoughts · 13 days ago

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If my blog goes *poof*, I am alright. And I will be back

Hopefully having sending their money to proper charities that would make them sooooo mad.

#i have may be causing some drek #ill be alright #ill be back #i wont stop dont care anymore #fighting antisemtism is something i will never stop doing #do you even have a legal team?#cause like I've asked to speak to them #if i go down im taking you wiiith me dill weed

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bare1ythere · 15 days ago

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I'm so tired of every small thing that my brain perceives as a social attack against me (which are 90% totally innocuous) making me feel like im being stabbed repeatedly in the chest. I feel awful, I can't handle this level of sensitivity anymore

#shut up me #theres no escape I can't even hide in my room forever because unless I stop talking to people AND seeing people post online #this feeling wont stop. I hate it. why do I care so much about shit that not only doesnt matter but straight up does not involve me!#and yet my brain inserts me into it directly into the line of fire #im tired of walking past people laughing on the street and feeling a pang of fear and shame every time that theyre laughing at me #because its just not true. that is not happening. what cartoonish level of bad person would laugh at someone passing by (and instantly?)#but no matter how much I parry the thought it comes back every damn time the exact same #and its like this with everything. im tired man #i just dont want to feel the Endless Shame anymore

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catinasink · 4 months ago

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oh rgiht its monday

#cat's rambles #cat's writing #you know these posts of mine tend to do worse than others #you dont have to actually click it yk. just give it a like. or something. i dont care #anyway i may stop updating it in general so you wont have to see these posts anymore

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ableedingpromise · 4 months ago

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God I'm so fucking annoyed how come she gets to treat me however she likes and then gets to say she didn't mean it?????

#have u considered not constantly comparing me to ur abusive husband who hit u??????#since i was like 8 its really fucking weird #like who in their right mind tells their child theyre naturally destructive just like their father and then says ohhhhh but i didnt mean it #are u fucking insane #doesnt help that i look like him too everyone tells me that #and now she acts like me raising my voice once means she needs to walk on eggshells around me wtf #what about how u treated me from ages 13-16 #freak #i cant believe this shes treating me like im some scary stranger as if shes not the one with full financial control and that im this horribl #person go kill yourself omgjdjsjsjwjwwhwhhw #fuck u #last year was the worst year of my life and that was wholy bc of u you showed me what place i really have in this family and that it was not #hing. how is sveryrone so ready to throw me away??#yet everyone else gets to say shes sooo proetctive and loving fuck off you wouldnt even tell them youre treating me badly diedie diediediedi #i want to cut so bad bro #but i promised myself i wont so #i mean i dont even have any way of gettibg blades so whatver #just remembered her reaction to me cutting #nothing. yeah absolutely no reaction. i thought the worat thing that could happen was her gettjbg mad at me again but no #i realised there was somwthing worse. she just straight up doesnt care #useless mother #im fine w u treating me like shit ive accepeted it that i have no place in anyone's life unlesss i hive into this but at least #at least stop trying to confront me like this #just let me rot in peace #i really dont want to do this anymore #any time now she'll ask me if i was pretending to cry so i wpuldnt have to go out w her now #as if that isnt insulting #and then she'll say i wasnt trying to be rude!!! as if she hasnt always treated me like none of my feelings r real. i only ever overeact. ok

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bunnihearted · 5 months ago

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i've also realized that there is no therapy that can fix what's broken inside of me

#therapy wont give me a place to belong. a person to call my home.#therapy where i sit and talk about how all i want is to love and be loved and i'll never feel whole without it wont solve anything #guess i just need to study and get an education for a job that i think i could be capable of #and then distract myself with books and shows and nature #the problem is that loneliness permeates my every cell and my every moment and being #im losing interest in humanity and society #literature is barely even interesting to me anymore bc i feel so fkn far away from humanity #and what makes u human.. that i cant connect with any of what i try to consume #i just... dont care. music doesnt even do anything for me anymore #i feel so numb in one way #but also i often feel like im panicking. how is this possible? how did i end up here?#im like actually fading away from this earth and it sometimes feels like #it wont even matter if i do #what is trying to take ahold of me and stop me from fading....?#idec anymore. even if i do get a job and an apartment i'll still be empty bc all i want is. smth i can never have? is that really how it is #i dont even require that much #that is what is so .. terrible almost #i just want one connection that is special to us both. smth close smth deep smth that i can pour everything into #i look around and almost everyone have more than one person even by them.... what did i do wrong?#i must've done smth very very wrong from the start to even end up here #it doesnt matter. i fade and i fade and i fade... i think i will keep doing so #because no matter how much other ppl - ppl who themselves have love and closeness in their lives. who have friends and partners and family.#no matter how much they parrot empty lines of 'learn how to be alone!!' 'life can be whole and fulfilled even alone' ..#i dont want that. i really dont. deep in my soul i do not want that #so their words are completely... condescending even. yes i CAN do all of that. i mean fuck #i am surviving feeling alone more than most of them are since they have ppl around them lmao #but i just dont want it. i am a person meant for a deep connection... i dont even need it with multiple people #without that i feel like i am dying and nothing else matters #besides i know it's possible bc i have felt that with a person at this time of my life #so i know that it's not smth distant or unachievable... it does exist and i want it bc it's the only thing that made me

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tyranitarkisser · 5 months ago

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,

#it is so frustrating being autistic and having bad social skills and being self aware enough to know when youre being awkward but not enough #to actually be able to do anything about it #i used to try so hard to fight it and i think it made it really obvious i was compensating for something so i stopped #because i dont care enough 5o mask for anyone anymore because why should i act fake for people that wont give me the time of day anyway #im just upset because i done made a fool of myself at work. is it as bad as im imagining it to be in my head no probably not #but i wish i could just unabashedly be myself and not worry what other people think #or better yet. i wish i was normal. or that i was good at masking like my friends

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mukuberry · 2 months ago

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if they don't stop implying that mafuyu is ftm im gonna start killing

#chernikocore #theyre getting my hopes up. and i know its for nothing. nothing will happen. and yet they wont stop #i dont even care about p.jsk anymore T.T they cant keep doing this

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readymades2002 · 3 months ago

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trying to do some financial math for if i move out and getting sick to my stomach

#ohhhhhhhhh god. oh christ alive.#my problem is that my discipline used to be great when i was both severely depressed/agoraphobic AND unemployed #and stopped wanting for things altogether. not the case anymore #wanting for things usually being...eating during or after work or getting a ride to go somewhere nice for a bit. whatever #i think its...DOABLE theoretically but im like. um. nervous #asked my manager for full time hours which im already kicking myself over but well if i want to get out of here #and i do so so so fucking badly #then. things have to change #struggling hard. i hate change and i hate making decisions especially ones i have yet to tell my mom about #NUMBER of things keeping me from acting quite yet but thats probably the worst is the thought of telling her #i dont know...how financially me moving out is going to work for her and my brother (who also wants to move eventually)#and i dont...i dont want to leave them here to drown #but i cant DO IT ANYMORE MAN if i dont try to get out i never will and the despair of being stuck here has done IMMENSE damage #to me over the last few weeks particularly after being able to envision a future where things are different #thinking about getting out of here gives me the energy to do things. i want to get out. i NEED to get OUT #god i really should just start making the body of the post the title and then writing the tags where the post should go #this is not how blogging works generally. embarrassing. well it probably wont change because i dont care enough

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ryuseitai · 3 months ago

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so nervuos for tmrw bc im seeing my cousin

#i love her so much But #Its my dads side of the family and i dont see them often at all and everything is always so awkward and #they dont know i dropped out of school and everytime my grandpa sees me he asks about school #and i havent seen him since before i Would have graduated this past may #like i would be graduated hs right now but #im not SO IF AYNYNE ASKS ABOUT IT IM GONNA LOSE ITTTT #god #hopefully my grandparents just wont be there Idk why they would bc im just going to hang w my cousin #but they tend to jumpscare me sometimes when i go out to see her #Gahhhgaaahhhhhahhaooouuoououou #i could just tell the truth bc idec about them knowing i dropped out its just embarrassing bc i lied for so long #buti just did bc when i first stopped going to school my mom told me not to tell anyone on that side of the fmaily..so..#i dont think shed care anymore either but its just been so long and ive never told them Augh #and my grandpa really wants me to go to college which i straight up just dont wanna do. not rn at least #and id need to get my ged first which ive been procrastinating on the entiire year Oopsies #my aunt always tells me not to listen to him thoughand that i dont have to go to college if i dont want to i am grateful for her..#shes always protective of me from him LOL i love my grandpa and he means well and stuff but #he will just say anything #and he always makes me cry in public or at family gatherings bc he starts talking to me about my dad #i knowppl just aska bout like school and plans for the future and stuff bc they care but i wish they wouldnt bc i do not know anything #i dont know a single thing about how my future is going to go or what i even want it to be or how im going to live and its stressful enough #already when im not being interrogated about it #Like lets just talk about something else. Lets talk about enstars #Isnt it crazy that shinobu has gone going on 15 months without a new 5*?..i think its a little crazy and i miss him

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mbat · 4 months ago

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i must be fr the only person who never rly cared for vee but thats mostly cause one of the first things we saw her do was throw away and give away luzs stuff as if it was hers and i just know if someone did that to me id be so pissed. do NOT touch my shit dude istg. like they didnt even know if luz was dead or not like at least wait a few years or some shit. not a month. its so petty of me but its also a fictional character so. i dont even hate her i just dont rly care in general

#my post #definitely not tagging the fandom even for blog purposes cause i dont need people talking to me about this ajfjajd #im literally just expressing this cause i think about it every time i see vee #i just know if some people saw this theyd make a fuss cause shes def a loved character which is fair #like. dude my nephews kept coming into my room when i wasnt there and trying to take my things #so much so that when i was at therapy on tuesday and therefore couldnt protect my room #THE BROKE ONE OF MY FIGURINES. MY ESPEON. i had to superglue the tail back on but it doesnt even fit right and i cant even #remember how it fit anymore and i. oh my FUCK. not to mention they straight up succeeded in stealing my glameow plush #and taking it back to their house. it was fine and i got it back thankfully but like ???#stop touching my shit ??? stop breaking and stealing my shit ???#i just dont like people messing with my stuff. its hard to even pinpoint why. i just dont like it.#so seeing her do that to luz was so irritating. girl thats not your shit leave it alone !!!!! at least put it in storage ???#its one thing to steal someones life (im not judging that part /srs) but its like. at least respect their stuff dude...#<- i am literally the only mf who cares about this jfjsjd i keep wanting to say more but i think i sound. so weird so i wont

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yamikawaii · 4 months ago

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whats fun is looking at the thread youre hanging on by and seeing where it's about to snap. whats even more fun is deliberately cutting through that thread because you know it'll just snap anyways so why bother clinging to it as if youll make it somehow

#im at the point of complete and total apathy #no matter how many ''life plans'' i make itll all end with me killing myself anyways #ive already proven that i cant change so why bother trying #shes right i did go right back to how i was before going away. no actually thats a lie i got even worse ahah #i dont care. i just dont care.#i actually got a library card on my own today. i even reserved some books and just have to wait for another local library to send them over #i even have plans on friday to get an actual id! but yknow what?#i could still jump off a bridge tomorrow without batting an eye.#i dont care about ''making it'' anymore. whats the point when once i die i'll just reincarnate into the world i was supposed to be in?#whats the point when even if i do manage to become a successful person i'll just be cutting myself and planning my suicide either way?#i dont care. i'll put on my favorite outfit and go jump somewhere high enough that theres no chance id survive i dont care.#i'll even bring all my pills and my box cutter with me for good measure #i really dont care. i really think this is gonna be it.#i rethink for a second when i remember how those i love are going to feel but then i remember i wont be alive in this world to see it #i'll see everyone again when im home anyways. if i will it enough i can bring them along and we'll all be happy #and even if i never wake again then even nonexistence will be better than this #i see no real reason not to anymore. i dont have a future that doesnt end in me taking my own life anyways #i really could do it tomorrow if i have the willpower for it. im going to be left alone in the house for a few hours so #no one could stop me #its tempting #and you know me #self-destructively impulsive without a care in the world towards self-control?#we'll see. we will see.#please pray i will make it home everyone.

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fireyturtle · 6 months ago

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Got into a screaming match with my roommate so now might get kicked out. She's upset that we told the post office who lives here cause my husband wasn't receiving any mail and the only solution was to tell them who actually lives here. But she says we should've talked to her first cause it's HER house. She thinks the landlord is going to find out we aren't on the lease and kick us out or raise the rent. And like what the fuck else was I supposed to do? Just not receive my fucking mail?

#i fucking hate her #we didnt receive IRS documents!#do you know how fucking important that is?!#it literally got my application rejected cause i didnt know they requested info!#weve been having mail problems for months!!#you knew we were going to the post office today too like wtf #if i get kicked out idk where to go #my parents dont have a room for us anymore cause my dads hospital bed is now in my old room #im looking for apartments rn but i cant afford anything as im the only one working #idc if me leaving screws her over she fucking deserves it #shes selfish and doesnt care about anyone at all but how it benefits her #i have so many complaints about her that it wont fit here shes just horrible i hope she never finds peace #im going to cut all contact with her as much as possible and i hope to fucking stop her from being with my family anymore #she used to be family but not anymore i hope she leaves us all alone forever shes burnt all her bridges

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inkedlove · 4 months ago

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so frustrating when you wanna be someone's friend and they just are not cooperating. I'M INTERESTED IN YOU AS A PERSON. PLEASE INTERACT WITH ME.