#i wont repeat the story he told us because it was a) very personal and b) incredibly tragic. but needless to say she shut up after that | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

p---ink · 4 years ago

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What’s On Your Mind?

Author’s Note: Hi :) Remember me? I’ve missed you guys, and Tumblr altogether. I felt absolutely guilty about not writing, but the writer’s block was strong on this one guys. And while I’ve had lots of ideas for stories I couldn't quite put them onto paper...or screen. Anyway, wanted to try something new. So this one is about a Thor! I dedicate this one to you @swaggysposts since I know you love Chris Hemsworth. Its pretty short, but still, tell me what you think, my love!

Summary: Avenger reader has a crush on the god of thunder.

Warnings: some lite language and fluff.

Word Count: 4.7k

Part Two Part Three

“I’m sorry? Did I hear that right? You said you can what?” Mr. Stark asked, without a doubt forgetting that there were stranger things in the world.

Clearing my voice, and speaking a bit louder I say, “I can read minds, sir.”

“That’s what I thought you said.” Stark voiced out loud placing a sleek pair of sunglasses on his face. He was still pretty skeptical of my claims, but another part of him was very anxious. Or would the word be embarrassed? Mortified? Yes that was definitely the perfect description.

Whatever the feeling was, I knew the cause was because he knew that if what I was saying was true, he would have to start groveling because of the dirty thoughts that raced through his mind when we first introduced ourselves.

‘Forgive me for looking Pepper, but this girl has the ass of a professional volleyball player’ was what he thought as he opened the door for me on the way in.

“I can’t hear what you’re thinking though, because It only works through touch.” I lie, as I watch his worry fade away. I needed this job, and I couldn’t be disqualified because of harmless thoughts that we could all be guilty of sometimes. Besides it wasn’t Tony’s fault: these jeans did do wonders for my bottom.

Something told me though, that if this Pepper weren’t in the picture, he’d have no problem saying what he thought of me out loud. And he was a handsome man, couldn’t be much older than 40, so maybe in another universe I’d consider him. Not this one though.

“Hey Kid,” Stark started, interrupting my own inappropriate thoughts, “just saying ‘I can read minds’, wont be enough. You’ll have to prove it.”

“Of course! Sorry—” I was cut short by the sound of the thick glass doors of the conference room being slammed against the walls.

A brown haired boy with deep chestnut eyes, that looked as frantic as the rest of his face, rushed out apology after apology as he took his seat next to the older man.

Tony, who hadn’t spared the younger boy a glance, said, “Ah, perfect. Tell me what he’s thinking.”

‘Spiderling’ was the name he had assigned him through thought. As I concentrated on his confused features, he looked from me to Stark.

“What who’s thinking? Is Dad—I mean Mr. Stark, referring to me? How could she possibly do that? Oh God, he hasn’t said a word to me since I got here. He must be really upset because I’m late. Geez, I hope he doesn’t take Karen again. I’d rather he kill me.” I repeated, after relaying all of the boy’s thoughts as fast as he could think them.

“Is she right?” Tony asked the boy. He felt both amazed and amused. Amazed with me, and amused by Spiderling for thinking of him as a dad. He would never let him live that one down.

After swallowing his astonishment, and turning his attention from me, Spiderling answered “Yes.”

“Good. And at least we both agree on your punishment. I’d rather kill you, too. Saves me less trouble in the future.” Tony stated. He was punishing him because apparently this was the third time he’s been late to the interviews he was supposed to be in charge of.

Spiderling let alarm overtake his features, but before he could say anything, Tony continued on with more questions.

“Do you have any other skills, we should know about?”

“Well just a bit of hand to hand combat. But it still needs a lot of work. Other than that no—”

“How did this happen?” Spiderling interrupted, wonder getting the best of him.

“Kid,” Tony starts, but he goes ignored by Spiderling.

“Were you bitten by some kind of radioactive insect like me? Or are you super smart like Mr. Stark? Or perhaps it was gamma radiation like Dr. Banner! Or maybe a super serum like Mr. Rogers!—”

“Don’t make me remove your batteries, junior!” Tony interrupted, then he looked to me. “I’m sorry. He’ll keep going if you don’t nip it in the bud early.”

But he didn’t have to tell me that. His own mind, like Spiderling’s, was racing a mile a minute.

“No its fine really. He’s just curious.” I reply with a chuckle. “And to answer your question Spiderling: maybe I was born with it, or maybe its Maybeline.”

I began to grow embarrassed by their silence at my terrible joke, until Spiderling stifled a chuckle. “I get it!” He said between snickers. “Wait why’d you call me Spiderling?” He asked. ‘Is she picking on me?’ He thought.

Needing to correct his thoughts to clear up any offense I say, “No! I would never pick on you, I just thought that was your name because Mr.—”

“Y/N, was it?” Tony interrupts, yet again. “I think you’d make an excellent addition to our team! When can you start?”

“Really?” I ask gleaming, ignoring the fact that he wanted me to shut for outing what he really thought of his younger protégé. “I can start right away! Thank you so much for this opportunity!”

“Yeah, don’t mention it.” He hurried. “F.R.I.DAY, will prepare your room, and Peter here will show you around.”

At that Peter hopped to his feet mind racing with thoughts of excitement on the hopes of a future friendship. “Follow me!” He said, grabbing my hand.

“Not so fast, champ. I need to speak with Ms. L/N alone for a moment.” Tony stated, nodding at Peter as he excused himself from the room.

Tony cleared his throat, and relayed his thoughts, thoughts that were hard to separate from Peter’s louder ones earlier. “So Y/N,” He started towards me, leaning in close as he chose his words carefully. “I couldn’t help but notice, that you didn’t need to touch Parker nor I to read our thoughts. Care to explain?”

Flustered at being caught I stumble across my words as I try to explain, “Ah yes, well its rare, but sometimes I don’t need to touch the person.”

“Mmm.” Tony hummed, not believing a word I said, and I knew then the gig was up.

Cocking my head, and wearing a semi-sympathetic expression I say, “Don’t worry. I don’t even know who Pepper is.”

And before Stark could protest, I ran to Peter’s side, so we could begin the tour around my new home.

That was all a little over eight months ago. And so much had changed now. Peter’s hopes became true. We were the best of friends. His boy-like charm never grew old to me, and nor did my gifts to him.

“Cerulean” I’d say, when he’d think things like ‘What’s your favorite color?’. He always thought questions like that as a sort of game. I never got tired of playing along.

It seemed to never click in his mind though that he could never scare or surprise me when he hid behind corners or couches, because I could hear his thoughts before he got the chance to.

But besides the little stunts he’d try to pull by hiding his thoughts in order to frighten me, Peter was as transparent as they were. The boy was an open book, and he rarely kept a secret. It made us perfect friends, because he never seemed to get tired of me knowing every single detail about him.

Though the other avengers treated me like family, Peter seemed to be the only one welcoming of my “gift”.

If you asked Steve, he’d think something along the lines of “I’m too old for this shit” when I’d answer questions he hadn’t had the chance to ask. Then he’d immediately curse himself, for thinking a swear word when I’d tease him with one of the team’s inside jokes, like “language.”

Bucky tried his hardest to keep his thoughts in a vault, but it never worked. I knew exactly how many dead bodies he had under his belt, and where he kept his hidden stash of plums.

Natasha, however, never tried to hide her kill count. She always made it a point to up the number by one as a threat to me, every time I accidentally crept inside her head. I always made it a point to keep my distance whenever she was deep in reflection.

Banner was interesting. His mind had two voices of course, and neither one of them gave a shit about whether I heard them or not. There were the deep thoughts that I struggled to understand most of the time, then others were one-word sentences only. They were louder than the rational side of his brain.

“La, la, la, la, la”, was literally all that Sam would think whenever there was something he wanted to hide. Sometimes he’d do it just to piss me off, because he knew if I said to ‘knock it off’, he could accuse me of evading his thoughts in the first place.

In truth, I never tried to read what they were thinking. I found the process invasive, and distracting from my own feelings. I worked hard to shut it all out, doing my best to make truth of that lie I told Stark all those months ago. But it was very draining, and took more energy than my body could exert. One person was easy enough to ignore, but more than ten, proved to be a task.

Most of my entire life I spent working in order to shut out all of the world around me. I avoided crowds whenever I could, blasted my music through my headphones whenever I couldn’t, and made sure to drug my body heavily with painkillers and vitamins whenever the last two weren’t options.

It was so much work just to go out into the world. So much work until I met him.

The son of Odin was the only person whose thoughts I would pay to hear. Coincidentally, he was also the only person who’s thoughts I couldn’t read. I could never hear him, I would only ever feel him. He radiated a rare intensity I had never felt before. His thoughts, or should I say feelings, even managed to drown out all of those around him. I had no choice but to focus on him whenever he was around.

When I was with him, he literally clouded my brain. I didn’t have to work to shut him or the others out. He did it for me.

I usually thought that was refreshing. But in the time I grew to know him, I found it mostly frustrating at times.

You could say I liked him, but that would be putting it lightly.

Liking someone for me, was a rare luxury. My crushes were always narrowed down to celebrities, and other people who didn’t know I existed.

It was a pain to date people whose thoughts about you were always on display.

And if you thought dating was hard as a telepath, try having sex. Imagine being able to hear all of your partner’s most inner thoughts about the faces you make when you cum, or discovering that you have a small birthmark on your ass that you would otherwise know nothing about.

Yeah, it wasn’t the greatest experience.

I had never experienced the actual joys of feelings for someone, and wondering if they liked me back. Thor was my first. And chances are, he would never feel the same way.

He was a literal god, and he lived up to that fact. I was just an average Midgardian, with a silly school-girl crush. It would never happen.

Silly thing that Fate was. She had to make the only man I found irresistible, unattainable too. What a bitch.

“Hey. Are you ready?” Natasha asked referring to our daily training.

“Yes, what’s on the agenda today?” I ask, a bit confused that she isn’t in her workout attire.

“Well you’ll h–”

“What? Why?” I squeak, before she can finish her thought…well before she can finish her sentence. According to her thoughts, I’d now be training with Odinson.

“I think you’ve graduated from me, kiddo. You can read my thoughts fast enough to predict as well as react to all of my oncoming moves.” Natasha relayed, a hint of sadness detectable through her words. Though she behaved like an older sister to me, she would miss throwing me around on the mat. “We’ll have to see how you do against someone whose actions you can’t predict, just in case that problem comes up out in the field.” She informed me while walking away, before I could confront her.

“Can’t it be someone else?” I yell to her, but she doesn’t answer.

“You wound me, Y/N.” That deep familiar voice bellowed from behind me. “And here I thought you enjoyed my company.”

Oh you have no idea, I thought to myself, as I spun on my feet to face him. I craned my neck to peer up at his eyes. One was a pretty hazel, while the other a deep blue. Cerulean. Funny how he’s the reason I’ve grown so fond of the color after all of these months.

“It’s not that I don’t like you. I just don’t think its fair is all. You know? With you being a god.”

“You’re worried you won’t be able to handle me? Do not fret. I wouldn’t dream of giving you more than you could handle.” He said, wiggling his brows suggestively, while flashing a smile. I suppose I failed to mention that he was a massive flirt that could put even Tony Stark to shame. “I promise to take it easy on you.” He furthered, smirking and winking his hazel orb.

“Why do I feel like your idea of taking it easy is vastly different from mine.” I say, trying to settle the butterflies.

“Whatever you’ve heard about me is nonsense. I’m a merciful master.” He assured. “We’ll just do some light work today: of course we’ll start with stretching, then 30 laps around the facility to build your stamina, a few hours of work on the machines to build your muscle—because my lady you are a dainty little thing, and then we’ll end the day with an hour or two of sparring.”

At the sight of my dumbstruck face, Thor says, “I’m sorry that must be too light. How does 50 laps and three hours of sparring, sound?”

“Are you joking?”

“You’re right. I have some matters to attend to on Asgard, but I think we can squeeze in 75 laps, take it or leave it.”

Realizing how deathly serious he was, I quickly say, “I’ll leave it. Let’s get started.” Deciding to address the subject of excessive training later, I turn to begin my stretches.

Quiet. As usual. I was alone with my thoughts, which was something that only happened quite literally when I was alone. I couldn’t help but be immensely aware of his presence.

Moments like these i’d die to know what he was thinking. Especially when I could feel his stare. It burned worse than fire on my skin.

Fire couldn’t compare to his actual touch, however. The same touch I now felt on my upper back. For a man who weighed over 600 pounds, he was as stealthy as a cat when he wanted to be. His thick fingers against my spine raised goosebumps to my flesh. I would have jumped out of my body if he wasn’t there to keep me grounded.

“My apologies. It was not my intention to startle you.” He informed, through a deep hearty chuckle. “I just needed to correct your form. Your time on the field will suffer if you continue with your training like this.”

“Oh.” I replied, tensing a bit as one of his hands traveled around to my stomach and the other pushed against my spine to straighten my posture. My mind was hazy, and if I had even understood the words he spewed a moment ago, that status now changed.

“It all makes me wonder what the Lady Spider has been teaching you.” He continued, as if he didn’t notice the change in my demeanor. “Better.”

When he stepped away from me, I released a small shaky breath. “What’s on your mind?” He asked. Maybe he did notice the change.

I mentally decided that I would ask him the months-long question I had always wondered about. “What’s on yours.” I state instead of ask, trying to resume my stretches.

“Pardon?” Thor asked. “Do you wonder about what is I ponder? Or is that your answer?

“Both.” I say without hesitation. “Why can’t I read your mind?”

“I’m afraid that’s by design, my lady.”

I stop stretching and turn around to ask, “How?” He had my full attention now.

Shortly after he corrected my posture, Thor had propped himself up against one of the machines to properly examine my form while I stretched. I tried to ignore how awkward that made me feel.

“Since an early age I’ve had to learn to guard my thoughts.” He stated. “My brother is the God of Mischief, and Loki often played games of the mind. Mother took notice of how much it was ailing me, and taught me a few useful tricks on how to keep him out. I guess I’ve always practiced them, even in his absence. I don’t know if I even know how to stop it.”

“Oh.” I breathed out. Trying to make sense of his words.

While I was doing that, he asked,“May I ask why it is you wish to know? I thought you hated your gift.”

“I do. But I guess it still feels odd to not be able to use it on someone. I have no clue what you’re thinking let alone how you feel about me. It unsettles me.” I immediately regretted saying the last part as soon as it was out.

His reaction did not aid my embarrassment. A thunderous laugh erupted from his throat. It was the kind of laugh that you could feel in your abs, and I knew this because his whole torso shook as it spread through his vocal cords. He was genuinely amused.

His amusement prompted me to ask, “What’s so funny?”

“How I feel about you.” I think he mutter softly, before following a little louder to himself, “It’s weakened you.”

“What did you say?” I never had to ask someone to repeat themselves unironically, until I met him.

“Your ability I mean. It has impaired you.”

“I don’t understand what you mean.”

“I think the word is ‘spoiled’. Yes that seems to be the perfect descriptor.” He teased.

His words made me feel small and silly. Almost insignificant. “Excuse me?”

Sensing my irritation, he quickly told me, “I meant no disrespect. Its just most of your kind and some of mine are not awarded the same privileges that you have. We rely on body language and hidden meanings behind words to determine how someone feels. Well with the exception of me of course, because who would not adore me?” He joked. “But that’s beside the point. You have not yet learned how to read between the lines. Which is why I unsettle you.”

“I know how to read body language, I’m not an idiot.” I say a bit more sharply than I intended. My sense of inferiority getting the best of me.

“I’m not implying that you are, just that if it were not for your talent you would know have known what was on my mind ages ago.”

“That makes no sense. If I couldn’t read minds, i’d be in the same place I am now: unable to know what it is you think.”

“My dear, even if you could read my mind it would make no difference, for I’ve already made my feelings towards you painfully clear. One need not the aid of your capabilities.”

“Thor, could you stop the riddles—”

He ignored my pleas and kept going. “But just to be explicitly clear this time, since obviousness is lost on you—”

“Stop insulting—”

“I shall tell you how I feel about you.” He stepped and leaned in closer, as if what he was about to say was a secret meant for only my ears. “Listen closely because I will say this but once, so be wary not to misunderstand: I desire you.” He explained, words dripping with the utmost sincerity.

My brain started racing. And I suddenly realized just how close he was. “You desire me?” I repeated to myself.

“Yes. I desire you.” He stated again, anticipating my uncertainty.

If my heart wasn’t beating fast before, it surely was now. My poor ribcage wasn’t built for this.

“A-A-as a friend right?” I stutter out. “Because we aren’t, we aren’t close, like the rest of the team? Yes,” I breathe out. “That has to be what you mean.” I say that last part more to myself than to him. Clearly I’ve misunderstood his words, even though he warned me not to.

“While I would value a companionship, I’m afraid that is not all I mean when I say I desire you.”

“Eerr” Words are hard to form all of the sudden. Stammering out sounds is all that I can do.

The air around us stilled, and it was pregnant with silence. He gave me a moment to think before asking, “Would you like further explanation.”

“Yes please.” I rush out quickly. “I think that will clear things up a bit more.”

“Right it would. Well If you wish to know what’s on my brain when you’re near, I shall tell you.” His words are teasingly slow, and he knows this.

"But I doubt,” He continues, “i’ll be able to properly convey just how bad I long to be in your presence when you are gone. Just how much I battle myself when it comes to finding any excuse to touch you. As you know, I lost one of those battles today. I don’t know if you can handle, just how much I imagine your warm embrace to be. How tender I’ve imagined your lips to feel. I just know them to be softer than rose petals and sweeter than nectar.”

“In fact,” He started. I could almost physically see the lightbulb go off over his head. And then, he began ridding us of the rest of our space, extending his long arm to snake around my waist, and pulling me against his chest at a speed faster than lighting. “If it’s okay with you, I’d like to put that theory to test.”

It was like a lucid dream. I was only allowed to watch everything play out before me, without the luxury of making any actions myself. It took great focus on my part to even will my head to move. My nod was so subtle I was unsure if he could even see it. But the God of Thunder had more than enough to go off on.

He joined the hand around my waist with his other, and shortly after I could feel my feet rise from the ground. My hands that were previously glued to his chest, found their place behind his neck to support the rest of my body. His head met me the rest of the way, before he blanketed his lips over mine.

He released one of the hands around my waist, to bring it up to my face. His fingers, now fastened to my jaw, slightly parted my lips allowing him to further explore my mouth with his. As massaged my tongue with his own, I could feel his eyelashes dance across my cheeks. That’s how close he was.

Most beards are scratchy and rough, but his felt like silk against my skin. His lips were even softer, and were like velvet in comparison.

I inhaled the scent of rain on freshly cut grass. It reminded me of dewy meadows and Irish springs. His touch was firm, but he managed to hold me with care, like a bull who had trained for years with the sole purpose of entering a china shop.

He tasted like what summer felt like, if you could make sense of it. The kiss had the same intensity behind severe thunderstorms. Beautiful but deadly. I found myself teetering on the edge of a cliff: desperate to chase this thrill, but also wary of whether or not it was worth dying for.

I mentally decided that I could expire in his arms, and be perfectly content with that decision.

I got more into it. I thought that if this was a dream I’d take full advantage of it. Surely dream Thor would be fine with me taking over the kiss. It felt only natural.

I decided it was time for my tongue to do the exploring. My lips needed to memorize the feel of his. My hands wanted to study every strand of hair that lived on the nape of his neck. That was only fair right?

I was enjoying his embrace so much, that I mistook the spinning in my head for shock from kissing a god, instead of the telltale signs of an impending headache. The lack of air in my lungs was because he took my breath away in a figurative sense, instead of the literal physical sense it actually was. The ache that spread throughout my body wasn’t because of the suffocating grip he had to keep me pressed to his chest, but because our bodies were on the brink of fusing into one.

On second thought, maybe dying in his arms is more painful than I previously thought.

I tapped out, and he immediately released me, placing me gently on the ground. I struggled for air, but it was like he didn’t miss a beat. Not a drop of sweat in sight on his gorgeous face. Instead, I could see a bright smile forming.

“Are my thoughts clear enough, now?” He asked, breaking out into smirk.

But I had no time to acknowledge his joke, for I could feel reality setting back in. And reality is, I was a flustered fuck.

“I’m sorry.” I stammered. “I must be holding you from your business on Asgard!”

“What? No—”

But he had no time to argue, for in a flash I was already gathering my gym bag and heading for the door.

“What about your training?” I heard him yell.

“I’m sorry! Maybe another time!” And after that, I practically sprinted to get out of earshot before he could protest or stop me.

I raced passed Peter who was on his way into the gym. “Y/N! Are you okay?” I heard him yell. But what was strange is that I couldn’t hear him think it, despite being more than enough distance away from Thor.

“I’m fine.” I yelled back, hoping he wouldn’t follow. Maybe Peter’s mouth was faster than his thoughts.

No. That wasn’t it, because as I raced through the tower, everyone’s minds were silent, even though they were chatting casually with one another. That never happened.

I burst through the nearest lady’s room, desperate to calm my nerves, when I saw Natasha applying red lipstick. The action by itself wasn’t disturbing, but the expression she wore was.

“Don’t tell the others.” She voiced, in a threatening tone.

“Don’t tell the others what?” I asked confused. Maybe she’d be able to take my mind off of things.

She looked at me like I had grown two heads, much like the first day we met when I proved that I could read her thoughts. “I know you read them. But this is different Y/N, the guys will never let me live this one down.”

“Nat, what are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about the date.”

“You’re going on a date?” No wonder she was so panicked. The woman was more comfortable with killing than she was with being vulnerable.

“Yes—What is wrong with you?” She half-yelled, interrupting herself as if she just realized something was wrong.

I had, had enough with trying to not think about him, because the task was damn near impossible so I decided to just say it. “Thor admitted his feelings for me. And then we kissed!” I cried.

Oh, Nat mouthed, taking a more comfortable position against the bathroom sink. She leaned against its counter, and crossed her arms,“And now you can’t take your mind off of him.”

It was my turn to look at her like she was a lunatic. “How did you know that? Are you a mind-reader too?”

Song for the Chapter: Waiting For You by the Aces: Pretty Self-explanatory lyrics. Think of the song from Thor’s POV

part II

A/N: If you made it this far, don’t be afraid to tell me what you think :)

#thor #thor imagines #thor x reader #thor fluff #thor x black!reader #avenger reader #mcu imagines #black avenger reader #fluff #chris hemsworth #black!reader #black!writer #thor ragnorak

598 notes · View notes

hwangsies · 4 years ago

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LIMERENCE

(n) the state of becoming infatuated with another person

pairing: hyunjin x female reader

summary: you haven’t spoken a word to hyunjin since he ghosted you after a fun new years eve together, so what’s the worst that could happen when fate (or chaeryong,...well, same thing) pairs you up for a road trip across the country?

warnings: e2l (ish), university student!au, non idol!au ,a lot of swearing. alcohol consumption,long flashback, mentions of infidelity, hyunjin is a giggly sweetheart, smut as in: dom!hyunjin, unprotected sex (wrap it up luvs),fingering, oral (f recieving), slight choking, praise kink, hand & strenght kink (manhandleing oopsie), slight overstimulation, hyunjin is really enthusiastic about consent (as you should be, periodt), reader is nervous and scared of hyunjins big pickle (ew i hate myself), motel sex (but it’s not trashy i promise!)

8.6 k words ,meaning grab a snack and a drink,

and enjoy!<3

---

"alright everyone" your professor rubs his hands together "that was it for today... i hope you all have a great break and i'm very exited to see all of you again next semester. hopefully in person again" he chuckles.

You and your classmates exchange goodbyes with him before one after the other exits the zoom call.

"fuck" you sigh after closing your laptop and lean back on your bed.

"you did it girl" your dormmate chaeryong claps, at which you giggle before shifting your eyes to her on the other side of the room.

She's sitting on her bed, folding her clothes before putting it in her suitcase thats placed in front of her.

"finally" you sit up and watch her roll up a pair of socks.

"my last class was yesterday and mrs kim teared up" she giggles "it was kinda cute not gonna lie"

"oh god" you snicker.

"hey did you find someone to take to yongin?" you ask, remebering chearyong talking about wanting to find someone to share gas expenses with in exchange for a ride to her hometown.

"oh yea, i did" she turn to you "i think you know him, seo changbin?"

You furrow your brows in thought, you feel like you've heard of the name.

"he's a music major, one year above us, hes also from yongin" she continues folding a pair of jeans "funny you'd ask actually cause he told me one of his friends was looking for a ride to seoul, isn't that where you're going?"

"Yea i was thinking about finding someone honestly because gas is really fucking expensive if you aint rich" you say, placing your laptop onto your nightstand.

"Mm you aint gotta tell me girl" chaeryong mumbles, folding a sweatshirt.

"so who's that friend?" you ask, stretching out on your bed.

"he's in his grade, hyunjin"

Your neck almost cracks from how fats you whip your head “hwang hyunjin?”

"Oh yea" she points at you "you know him?"

"unfortunately" you huff.

"o-oh, what"s the tea?" your roommate wiggles her brows at which you shake your head.

"nothing much really" you sigh, leaning back again "he's just like the most arrogant and stuck up fuckboy ever"

"wow, well thats not nothing" chaeryong laughs "any reason as to why you think that?"

"you could probably ask any girl on campus and she'll tell you the same" you scoff.

"really girl?" chaeryong squints an eye at you playfully "cause i've only heard of him being hot but never of him being a hoe. And you know i'm the first to know the hot gossip" she winks.

Laughing defeatedly, running your hand through your hair.

"it's just- we hit it off at the campus' new years eve party, like really hit it off- at least thats what i thought"

"oooh spill it spill it" chaeryong leaps over to your bed to sit at the end of it.

"well there's really not much to spill, i gave him my number and he was talking all that smack about taking me out and stuff aaand to make a long story short i never heard from him again"

"well" chaeryong speaks slowly, biting her lip guiltily "i dont think you'll be very happy about me giving changbin your number for him, then?"

"you did what???" your eyes almost pop out of your head.

"sooorryy" she jumps up from your bed, clutching her hands apologetically "i didnt know"

"aaaaarghh" you whine, burying your face in your pillow.

"maybe he won't even text you though" chaeryong tries to console you, but the damage is already done...

unknown number - hey i got this number from changbin, i heard you're driving up to seoul, i'd love to tag along if you're looking for someone to share expenses with -recieved at 9:12 am

You huff looking at the message on your phone.

After chaeryong had left last night you really convinced yourself that he couldn't possibly dare to reach out to you.

But here you are reading his message after just waking up, and your day is already ruined.

you - who is this? - sent at 9:56 am

You know who it is, but you're not going to give him the satisfaction of thinking that you do.

Scoffing when he answers almost immediately.

unknown number - this is hyunjin, did i reach the right person? - recieved at 9:57 am

You have two choices at this point.

1. be petty and bitter about a boy who probably doesn't even remember you.

Or 2. move on and help someone who is also just trying to get home and also maybe get some closure.

So you curse your mother for rasing you so well and suck it up.

you - yea sure, i planned on leaving tomorrow at around 6 pm - sent at 10:02 am

Damn you and your common human decency.

he sus - oh okay great :) i only have one suitcase and a backpack btw so i wont take up alot of space or anything - recieved at 10:05 am

he sus - also i feel weird bc i dont know ur name or anything changbin literally just sent me the number and nothing else lol, also 6 sounds good should we meet at the main building then? -sent at 10:06 am

You're quite honestly not shocked that he seems nice over text because he was the same when you met on new years eve.

you - sure lets meet at the main building, my car is white and my name is y/n - sent at 10:09 am

Cringing as you press the send button because you are 99% certain he won't answer anymore; not that you'd care, obviously.

he sus - alright y/n see you tomorrow at 6 then :) - recieved at 10:14 am

You raise your brows when your phone lights up with his message, does he really not remember you?

Was he that drunk?

Well, it doesnt matter because you don't want to pay for all this gas alone and he seems to be the next best option to fix that.

So you shrug it off and get out off bed to run some last errands and start packing.

Your heart is beating unreasonably fast when you take a turn towards the main building at 5:55 pm the next day.

Calm down y/n it’ll just be 5 hours and who says you have to talk to him?

However you do know deep in your heart that you only wanted to arrive just a little early so you could complain about him being late.

That plan got cut short because your eyes fall on him as you pull up to the main building.

He’s- oh my god he’s blonde. You stop your car and he looks up at you.

“it is you!” hyunjin smiles at you when you step out of the car.

“who else would it be?” you ask, a little irritated at his reaction.

His face drops a bit when he sees you clearly annoyed by him, but the doesn’t blame you; he’d be mad too.

You open your trunk for him to put his weirdly small suitcase into, looking him up and down as he lifts it inside.

He’s wearing dark baggy pants and a windbreaker jacket, the top part of his chin-length blonde hair is pulled back into a messy ponytail.

He seemed to have bulked up as well, shoulders looking broader than what you remember.

The hair is different than the jet black hair that you remember on him, but it suits him very well; to be honest he would look good in any hair colour, not that you’d care though.

The first thirty minutes of the ride go by agonizingly slow and in complete silence.

When you drive onto the freeway you can’t take it anymore and mumble something among the lines of ‘wanna listen to some music?’.

You don’t wait for an answer, pressing the radio button right as you finish your sentence.

“uh, actually” hyunjin starts, his hand lifting to turn the radio back off, your eyes snap towards him, is he serious? Turning off your radio in your car?

“I wanted to address this situation” he says rather quietly.

You scoff “what? You realized that this is awkward just now?”

“no- I mean- yes I understand why you would think that but I just really want a chance to explain myself” he stutters.

“explain yourself” you repeat after him before mumbling “sure because there’s so much to explain”

“listen, I know you think I’m an asshole who just ghosted you b-“

“listen, I can handle rejection, you could’ve just said that you weren’t looking for something serious and I would’ve accepted that. The thing I’m mad about though is you literally making false promises and shit”

Hyunjin blinks at you “can I please just explain to you what happened?”

You let out a long huff “sure” you wave your hand “go ahead”

“when you and your friends left at around 4, you wrote your number on my arm with your eyeliner, correct?” he asks.

Glancing over at him, you nod.

“after you where gone, I was already pretty drunk but then my friends decided to drag me with them to a different party that was still going” you see him fiddling with his hands in your peripheral “well I got super fucking shitfaced at that party and ended up puking on this one guys shoes”

You raise your eyebrows and hold back a laugh, which he notices.

“its okay you can laugh” he chuckles as well.

“anyways that guy was not very happy about it and busted my lip before kicking me and my friends out, so then back in the dorm my roommate sat me in the shower because I was full of alcohol, blood and puke”

“ew” you chime in.

“and when I woke up the next morning your number was gone” hyunjin looks over at you “we don’t have any mutual friends, I didn’t know what your major is so I couldn’t even asks for you in the administrating office, and then the covid lockdown happened and here we are”

“you called the administrating office?” you look over at him, he nods a little smile on his stupid pretty lips.

“yep, so, sorry to tell you but your eyeliner is not waterproof” he jokes at which you playfully knit your brows at him.

“believe me, I wanted to text you. I really wanted to take you out; and when you sent me your name yesterday I didn’t know if this was a lucky coincidence or if you’re a different y/n, that’s why I didn’t say anything” he explains.

You take a deep breath as you realize you have to apologize for going off on him just now, you believe him but you hate apologizing.

“well, I feel like an ass for going off on you like that after hearing all this” you chuckle “I’m sorry” you eye him shortly before looking back on the road.

“it’s okay, you don’t have to apologize I get how it looked, very much sus” he laughs with you.

Coming back to your car after you took a bathroom break on a highway rest-stop, you see hyunjin sitting in the drivers seat.

“what do you think you’re doing?” you smile as you sit down on the passenger seat.

“I thought maybe you’d like to sleep since its dark already and you’ve been driving for almost 3 hours” he suggests while putting on his seatbelt.

“well, I wont say no to that” you shrug and put your seatbelt on as well.

“so when did you go blonde?” you ask curiously.

“uh- around end of june” hyunjin chuckles “it was a dare if I’m being honest but I ended up liking it and got it redone”

“oh okay” you check out his profile once more and follow his hair with your eyes “I like it”

“yea?”

“yea, which is weird cause I’m usually not into blondes at all” you wonder.

“hm” he grins “must be me then” he says before winking at you.

“pfff, in your dreams” you rebuttal playfully, at which he laughs and mumbles a ‘true’.

You don’t react to it because you think your ears are playing tricks on you.

“hey I have a question too” hyunjin says.

“what’s up” you lean your arm against the window as you look over at him.

His face is slightly lit by the lights of the other cars, no seriously, how can a side profile be so perfect?

“why did you even agree to take me with you if you thought I ghosted you?” he grins.

You laugh “well, I’m a nice person and I know not a lot of people there are from seoul and my mom raised me right, okay?”

“okay okay” he giggles, the way his eyes crinkle when he does makes you smile everytime.

“or…did you have such a good time with me on new years that you just had to jump on this opportunity?” he quips, carefully stealing a peek at you.

“sure, why do you think I was so upset when you didn’t text” you feign sadness.

The both of you laugh before falling into comfortable silence.

When looking outside your window, you think back to said new years eve.

-(flashback)

“oh my god” you said, stepping into the big hall that usually is the universities gym. But whoever planned this outdid themselves.

A dj was placed on one of the tribunes and a whole buffet of drinks and punches on the other, as well as a big disco ball hanging from the ceiling, making the room shimmery and shiny.

You could see people coming out of the doors that connected into the universities hall on one side and into the locker rooms on the others, as if it wasn’t already packed.

“this is fucking insane” lia, your roommate from last semester, squeaked while grabbing your arm and jumping a little, her voice overpowering the blasting music..

“I wanna get fucking hammered tonight” you turned to her.

“oh babe don’t worry, we didn’t come here to drink soda” she laughed before spotting some of your other friends.

About five minutes before midnight you and some more girls gathered at the buffet of drinks and started doing shots.

You all had decided that instead of kissing someone at 12 o’clock you’d ring in 2020 with a shot, because alcohol can’t cheat on you.

You were laughing at something when some people started the countdown.

10!

“HAPPY NEW YEAR”

Every one shouted and celebrated in union as you downed your shot.

“happy new year babe” lia hugged you after downing hers.

“happy new year!” you shouted into her ear, full of relief that this stressful year was over.

“lets do another one” she grinned widely after your whole friend group had shared their wishes with each other.

A girl you didn’t know very well handed you another shot, just as you emptied your glass you heard a guy yell something before stumbling into your back.

“jesus” you stumbled forward a bit before turning around, ready to throw someone a dirty look.

“I’m so sorry, are you okay?” in front of you suddenly stood a tall dark haired young man with almost too perfect facial features, frowning a little out of concern.

“nothing happened” you smiled, taking a step towards him so he’d hear you better.

“I’m glad” he replied, a grin slowly stretched across his handsome face

“I’m y/n” you giggled as you held out your hand.

His eyes crinkled with his smile as he took your hand in his “I’m hyunjin” he said before pressing a kiss to the back of your hand.

“okay guys let her have her fun lets go over there” you hear lia usher your friends away from behind you.

“happy new year y/n” he said before instinctively pulling you a little closer to him when a group of people passed behind you.

“happy new year hyunjin” you replied, a slow blush creeping on your face from how intensely he was taking in your appearance.

“well yea happy fucking new years to me for running into you” he joked before taking a sip, your brain wasn’t able to function anymore so you just giggled and nervously pushed your hair behind your ear.

It had been way too long since you’d talked to a guy, especially someone as attractive as him

“you’re fucking stunning” hyunjin complimented you and lifted your hand with his to make you spin for him, to which you complied because you took a long time getting ready and always appreciate being appreciated.

“thank you” you were crimson red by now but hoped he wouldn’t see because of the dimmed lights.

“how come I’ve never seen you around? I would’ve remembered you” he tilted his head.

“oh this was my first year here and I live on the other side of campus so…” you nodded slowly “but yea I would’ve remembered you too”

He grinned before downing his drink and putting on the table next to the both of you.

“wanna dance?”

That’s how you found yourself on the dance floor with hyunjin pressed against your back.

Slowly but surely the alcohol made you braver; and it didn’t take long for the dj to play perfect songs to grind yourself against his toned body to.

His reaction was instant, hands gripping even harder at your waist and his own movements matching your own.

You looked back at him just to have the air knocked out of your lungs, a barely there sheen of sweat was covering his forehead; his pupils were dilated and his lips were slightly parted before his tongue swiftly swept over his lower lip.

He looked like sex on legs and moved like it too.

His plump lips formed into a grin when he noticed you staring, you didn’t know if it was the alcohol running through your system but you so desperately wanted to kiss him.

“can’t stop looking at you either, pretty” he lowered his head to mumble against your cheek before pressing a kiss there.

“you’re so goddamn sexy” you blurted out as you turned around to face him, running one of your hands through his dark hair before positioning them on his firm chest.

He threw back his head as his chest vibrated with laughter.

“don’t laugh at me” you laughed as you locked eyes again.

“you’re cute when you’re drunk” hyunjin brought one hand to your face to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear.

“you dont even know me sober” you giggle “also i’m not drunk!” you protested playfully, his hands found your waist in the meantime to pull you flush to his body; at which you gasped almost inaudibly.

“oh really?” he looked down at you, clearly amused “didn’t you drink like 5 shots half an hour ago?”

“well well well, I didn’t know I had an audience” you countered, looping your arms around his neck.

Hyunjin prodded at the inside of his cheek with his tongue before looking away for a swift second, slightly embarrassed because he just exposed himself.

You felt yourself gush a little when he licked his lips again after bringing his gaze back to you.

“so you almost knocked me over on purpose?” you grinned even bigger when he shook his head laughingly.

“listen” he chuckled, leaning down unnecessarily close because you could hear him perfectly fine but you weren’t going to complain.

“I actually didn’t run into you on purpose, that was my friends doing after he saw me notice you” he said.

You mouthed an ‘ahh’ while nodding, feigning disbelief.

“I’m serious” hyunjin laughed “I still have to thank him later; I would’ve probably chickened out”

He got quieter at the end of his sentence, his eyes jumping to your lips when you wet your lower lip with your tongue quickly.

“i-m glad he pushed you then” you replied, trying to hide the fact that your heart was pumping your blood in record time.

“yea” he inched his face closer to yours as you tilted your chin up to meet him in the middle “me too”

His eyes switched from your lips to your eyes one more time before closing the gap between the both of you.

His lips were firm but soft at the same time in the way they moulded against yours, you swore you could hear lia squealing from somewhere but maybe you were just hearing things.

But when his tongue touched yours in the most tentative way you lost contact to what was going on around you, slinging your arms tighter around his neck and deepening the kiss.

A tiny groan escaped hyunjins throat when you carded your fingers through his hair to tug on it and release some of the adrenalin that rushed through you.

He was slow and explorative and let you take control from time to time before sucking on your lower lip and making you loose it.

You didn’t know how many songs had passed; to be honest you didn’t even remember what song was playing when you started kissing.

All you knew in that moment was hyunjins lightly flushed cheeks, swollen lips and dark glistening eyes.

“let’s go somewhere else?” he questioned in a whisper when you bit your lip, nodding at his question.

He grabbed your hand in his before manoeuvring the both of you through the dancing and celebrating crowd.

Before you knew it, hyunjin pulled you into the entrance hall of the university where multiple people had the same idea as you.

Couples scattered across the big room, some just talking, most of them however making out heavily.

“come on” he softly tugged at your hand, smiling when your gaze falls on him.

He lead you up the big flight of stairs onto a floor of the building you’ve never been to, stopping in front of a random room before pulling a small set of keys out of his back pocket.

After unlocking the door, he opened it to let you step inside.

It was a dance studio, the wall right across from you was just one huge mirror through which you could see the big couch in the back of the room and the water dispensers next to it.

“why do you have the keys for this room?” you asked, giggling.

Hyunjin grinned as he closed the door “I’m a dance major, we all have keys for the practice rooms”

“that’s so cool” you beamed “I wish I could dance” you looked around the room, walking towards the mirrored wall a little bit.

“you were moving just fine earlier” hyunjin came up behind you, nimble hands finding your waist as he looked you up and down through the mirror intensely, now that you were under the bright lights of the room.

You couldn’t help but to smile a little at that, the tight little glitter dress that you had chosen really did accentuate your curves in the best way possible, paired with the cute black heels which made your legs look way longer than they actually are.

“but that was like club sexy dancing, you know?” you elaborated.

“hm” he hummed amusedly “whats wrong with sexy club dancing?” you turned around to him.

He didn’t look to shabby himself, all in black, a chic button up with some jeans and a belt; accessorized with rings on his pretty fingers, a dainty silver necklace and some small earrings.

Some might say he was underdressed, but the way he carried himself with such confidence, and that face of his must for sure be a panty dropper, you thought.

“nothing but… I don’t know, teach me something” you pleaded.

“what do you want me to teach you?” he laughed.

“I don’t know a pirouette or something” you suggested, laughing as well.

“okay” he grinned “this is like the base stance” he positioned himself correctly before looking at you to see if you were following his instructions.

“mhm” you hummed, replicating what he was doing.

“and then you get momentum with one leg to be able to swing yourself around, like this” hyunjin explained before executing a perfect pirouette and ending it back in the base stance.

“that was fast” you chuckled.

“your turn” he grins before moving behind you “try to keep your eyes on yourself in the mirror otherwise you’ll loose balance”

“okay” you said unsurely.

“I’ll catch you if you fall” he winked at you, at which you scoff playfully before carefully swinging yourself into a pirouette.

You landed on wobbly legs but before you could tip over hyunjin stabilized you with a firm grip on your hips.

“you’re a natural” he grinned at you through the mirror.

“well thank you” you playfully feigned cockiness before he spun you around himself.

A few seconds pass of the both of you taking in each others features in silence, the only thing you could hear was the faint music of the party downstairs, before hyunjin spoke up.

“can I kiss you?”

You fell into giggles again as you let your forehead rest against his collarbone before looking up again “we’ve kissed before”

“yea but that was like a moment and I don’t want to catch you off guard or anything” he mumbles cutely.

“mm” you nod “ you can kiss me”

And with a smile, he does.

You weren’t surprised when his first gentle ministrations turned into more desperate ones rather quickly because you could feel the warmth spread in your lower regions as well.

He walked the both of you over to the couch, only parting from your lips when he sat down on the black leather material of the couch.

“come here, pretty girl” he took your hand to help you straddle him, your dress riding up but you couldn’t care less if he saw your safety shorts, and he didn’t seem to care either by the way he feverishly connected your lips again.

His hands travelled down to squeeze at your waist before smoothing over your ass and grabbing a handful of each cheek, you moaned into the kiss when you realized how big his hands were.

Your own hands were squeezing at his shoulders before one moved into his soft hair while the other softly rested on his cheek.

The kiss was messy and desperate, teeth clinking together and tongues licking at each other.

The things that riled you up the most however were his groans and praises.

“you’re so fucking sexy” he groaned before moving down to kiss at your jaw and down your neck.

A needy whimper escaped from your throat when he started suckling the sensitive skin at the base of your throat.

“fuck-hyunjin” you moaned when his teeth grazed over your clavicle.

Your hands fumbled before landing on his belt, at which he pulled away from your skin, gently taking your hands off of his belt.

“I’d love to take you out first, actually” his pretty kiss swollen lips twitched up into a shy smile as he pants.

“oh” you were taken aback, you were almost certain that this was something regular for him “I thought-“

“I mean if you just want to fuck we can fuck of course” he chuckled “but- I actually think you’re really cute and fun and I’d love to get to know you better”

Your mouth stood a little agape “uh- I mean-I” you stuttered, your brain not functioning properly because of the alcohol running through your veins but also him!

“its okay if you just want, you know-“

“no!” you blurted out all over sudden, making him flinch a little “sorry, uhm- its just been a while since I had a date” you smile apologetically.

His expression visibly brightens “that’s okay” he giggled “so is that a yes?”

You grinned, leaning in to just barely brush your lips with his, his head twitching upwards in an attempt to connect them fully.

“yes” you whispered, at which he smiled brightly before pulling your in for a kiss by your neck.

-(flashback end)

“y/n”

“hey, y/n” you grumble when you feel someone gently rocking your shulder.

“mmm-what?” you peek your eyes open just to see hyunjin smile at you.

“good morning sunshine” he teases as you sit up in your seat when you realize you aren’t driving anymore.

“just kidding its not morning” he says as you look around your car, realizing your on a parking lot.

“where the fuck are we?” you whip your head towards him “did you bring me here to kill me? kidnap me?”

“wha?- no” he laughs “no, I’m sorry. Right after you fell asleep there was this huge traffic jam because of an accident and we stood there for almost 3 hours so I drove off and found this” he points out the rear window, where you see a small motel building.

You look back at him before checking the time on your phone, seeing it was indeed almost midnight.

“fuck” you swear to yourself.

“I didn’t know if you wanted to keep driving because I was getting tired so I thought maybe-“ hyunjin starts rambling guiltily, not wanting you to thing that this was an attempt to get in your pants.

“hey” you put your hand on his shoulder after taking off your seatbelt “this is good, you made the right decision I think we both could use some sleep” you say.

You each take your suitcases and walk inside, it’s an old building but it looks pretty clean for a motel off of the highway.

“good evening you two” an old lady sits behind the, probably just as old, reception.

“good evening, could we get 2 single rooms, please” hyunjin speaks up politely.

“I’m afraid we only have 2 double bed rooms available, if you’d like to take them, they will however be more expensive than the rooms for one” she explains politely.

“its okay, we’ll take one of those, please” you decide, hyunjins head snapping towards you.

“is that okay?” you ask him.

“yea- sure” he nods.

“alright, room 301 it is” she hands you the key before stating that you’ll have to checkout before 12 pm and what the room costs.

“do you accept card?” hyunjin asks at which the friendly old lady nods before taking his card and swiping it through her little machine.

“I’ll venmo you half of what you paid” you say after unlocking room 301.

He tsk’s at you before shaking his head “don’t, it was my idea so I’ll pay”

“are you sure?” you ask closing the door behind you when he turns on the lights.

“yup-oh” he exclaims.

“this room is cute” you say, it’s small but the walls are a soft sunflower yellow, decorated with paintings of autumn leaves .

The bed looks clean, and when you smell the mouse gray blankets and pillows, they smell fresh as well.

“stop smelling the pillows” hyunjin laughs.

“I’ve never been to a motel, I thought everything would be dirty or ancient” you confess comically.

He chuckles as he comes out of the small bathroom “the bathroom is clean too, don’t worry” he says when you look at him expectantly.

“I’ll sleep on the floor if you want” he offers as you open your suitcase to get out your toothbrush and pj’s.

“it’s fine, hyunjin I’ve slept in the same bed as a male before” you joke.

“well how am I supposed to know that?” he counters, at which you throw your pj shorts at him out of reflex.

When you realize what you had done it was too late, he was already holding them out in front of him before giggling.

“very cute choice” he mocks the small white shorts with red hearts all over it.

“stoop” you whine, trying to fish it out of his hands but he holds them over his head like a kindergartener.

“I remember why I don’t like you” you pout, crossing your arms.

His face drops alongside with his arms “I thought we were past that”

You use his moment of weakness to snatch your shorts out of his hands “gotcha”

“see I told you I was gonna take you out” hyunjin beams at you before looking down at the various snacks he took from the motels vending machine, which were laying in between the both of you on the bed.

“and so luxurious too” you joke, crossing your legs.

“only the best for you” he grins when you open a pack of fruit jellies.

“you know, I was thinking about new years” you say “ and I realized that it was your fault!”

Hyunjin throws his head back as he groans playfully “why?”

“if you hadn’t lost your phone when we got back downstairs, I wouldn’t have had to write my number on your arm; or you could’ve just given me your number and I could’ve text you. But you didn’t even know your own number!” you laugh in reminiscence.

“listen” he laughs “I was drunk and you’re hot! I couldn’t think” he defends himself before taking a bite off a chocolate bar.

You blush a little but play it off with a laugh.

“but yes, I admit, it was indeed my fault” he dramatically holds his hand in front of his eyes.

“yeeees!” you exclaim victoriously.

“I’m kidding though” you pat his knee “I forgive you”

“I’m glad” he smiles.

After the both of you are done eating way too many sweets, you find yourself being really comfortable when talking to hyunjin.

He’s funny, doesn’t seem like he’s full of himself and just in general seems like a very kind person.

“I thought you were a fuckboy when me met” you confess, looking at him.

Propped on one elbow looking down at you, while you lay on your side towards him, his face illuminated only by the little lights on each of your nightstands.

“you did?” he asks confusedly.

“yea” you chuckle “you were so confident and…sexy I don’t know” you place your hand over your face in embarrassment.

“oh that was the liquid courage talking, I’m usually pretty shy” he shakes his head smilingly when you peek through your fingers.

“don’t lie” you push his shoulder softly.

“I’m serious!” he laughs.

“you were the first guy to approach me at a party” you pause “like ever”

“no way, you’re lying now” he furrows his brows.

“nope” you shake your head.

“but I was really close to not talking to you as well, I’m sure there were many guys before me that just didn’t have the liquid courage, like I did” he speculates.

“maybe” you say.

“have any exes?” he asks after a few seconds.

“yea, one”

“well how did you meet him?”

“he showed me around on my first day of freshman year, I transferred like in the middle of the first semester so I wasn’t with any other freshmen” you tell him.

“why’d you break up if I may ask?” hyunjin asks carefully.

“oh we were only together for like three weeks, you can’t even call I relationship. He used me to make his hot ex jealous and cheated on me with her” you say “but hey they’re back together at least” you scoff.

“i’m sorry” he mumbles at which you look up at him.

“it’s not your fault” you chuckle.

“well, still no one should feel that way” he says “you know that you were way too good for him right?”

You nod.

“what about you? Have any exes?” you ask back.

He snickers “only one in seoul”

“why didn’t you last?”

“it was a long distance situation, she was super jealous and couldn’t trust me. which I can understand to a certain degree but everytime I went out she wanted me to facetime her and show her what kinds of people were there with me. That was just too much” he explains.

“wow” you chuckle “that doesn’t sound fun either”

Hyunjin shakes his head “nope, but hey we got rid of ‘em, didn’t we?”

“yea” you giggle “plus if I hadn’t broken up with him I would’ve probably never gone to the new years eve party”

“I guess I owe him something then” he grins as you scooch up on the bed.

“can I kiss you?” you ask after a few seconds of silence.

“hm?” hyunjins eyes almost spring out of his head.

“I don’t want to catch you off guard” you grin as you repeat his words from the night you met, sitting up.

He licks his lower lip as a grin stretches over his face as he sits up as well “do your worst”

You get up on your knees to shuffle over to him, when you get close enough hyunjin grabs one of your thighs and lifts it over his legs so you’re straddling him.

Once you sit down on his lap, your eyes lock again and you’re once again baffled as to how someone can be so god damn attractive.

His eyes flicker from your eyes to your lips expectantly, a shaky breath leaving his lips when you lean in.

Your lips connect and it feels like all the pent up energy of liking him since that night finally gets set free, sparks glowing behind your lit and his hands leaving a trail of fire where ever they go.

They squeeze at your thighs and waist, pulling you impossibly close to himself.

A whimper tears from your throat when his tongue licks at yours, he tastes like chocolate and what could only be described as him.

He moans into the kiss when you tug at the blonde locks that weren’t pulled back into the ponytail; before pulling the hair tie out of his hair to free it and finally card your fingers through all of the blonde glory.

Before you realize what’s going on, hyunjin lifts the both of you before dropping you on your back and crawling above you.

The fact that he just lifted the both of you from a sitting position as if you weigh nothing makes you feel all types of hot.

“you’re so hot holy shit” you pant as you push his long hair out of his face.

“ditto” he only grins before attaching his lips to your exposed collarbone and sucking a bruise into the skin.

“take it off” you moan as you tug on the dark blue calvin klein shirt he’s wearing.

His lips release the skin of your collarbone before sitting up to pull the shirt over his head.

If your mouth wasn’t already open from your heavy breathing, you would’ve opened it now because his body is more sculpted and toned than you had expected.

Your hand lifts to smooth over his abs, muscles flexing as he connects your lips again.

His one hand slides from your waist up to cup one of your breasts, gently palming the soft flesh.

“I know I said I wanted to take you out first but-“ he mumbles against your lips.

“you bought me a lovely dinner” you interrupt him, threading your fingers through the hair that’s falling down into his vision.

He grins, dropping a short peck to your lips before his the grin gets wiped off his face “I don’t have a condom with me”

“I’m on the pill” you let him know “I got tested before the lockdown and I haven’t been with anyone since soo…”

“yea, me too, I was tested a few months ago” he nods.

You nod back, biting your lip as you absently play with his hair.

“do you trust me?” hyunjin asks, observing your demeanour.

“yea- yea I do I’m just nervous” you smile awkwardly.

“no” he coos before kissing you “why are you nervous?”

“just haven’t been with anyone for a while” you confess.

Hyunjin nods understandingly “if you don’t want to do this we’ll stop”

“no I really want to” you look into his eyes as confidently as you can.

“okay” he smiles, planting his lips on yours again.

“can i?” his voice gives you goosebumps when he mumbles against the sensitive skin under your ear, his fingers slowy undoing the loose knot of your heart shorts.

“yes” you say when he locks eyes with you.

“I love these shorts” he softly presses a kiss to your knee, trying to calm your nerves a little, before he gently rocks your hips to pull them off of you.

You blush a little out of embarrassment but smile when you lift your hips to help him.

“cute” he whispers when he see’s your panties have a little bow on the front.

He chuckles when you hide your face in embarrassment, pulling you closer to him again by your thighs before you let him kiss you again.

“can I take this off too?” hyunjin whispers, softly pulling at the fabric of the tank top you’re wearing, at which you nod.

You are still wearing a bra when he pulls it off so you take it into your own hands and unclasp your bra.

Your nipples stiffen a little at the sudden exposure to air, as well as to hyunjin’s admiring gaze.

“fuck” he muses when palming your breasts in his big hands, gently pushing them together an running his thumbs over your nipples.

A whimper involuntarily leaves your lips when he wraps his plump lips around one of the perked up nubs and sucks gently.

“so fucking pretty, princess” you feel yourself pathetically clench around nothing at his praise.

You feel one of his hands wander downwards to provide some friction for you, he slots his lips against yours when you tentatively roll your hips against his hand.

Hyunjin feels his cock get even harder when an almost desperate moan tumbles from your lips against his. So he ads a little more pressure and starts circling your clit with two fingers, your sighs of pleasure mixing into the kiss.

“you’re so sensitive baby” he whispers as he parts his lips from yours “can I go down on you?” he grazes his lips over your chest, looking up at you seductively.

You nod as you bite your lip, hyunjin placing a few kisses on your tummy before shortly sitting up to also free you from your soaked panties.

The first stripe he licks up your slit, and how he swirls the tip of his tongue around your clit expertly sends you to heaven.

His hands are gripping your thighs to prevent you from closing your legs, your hands are tangled in his hair and the sheets.

“hyunj-fuck” you cry out when his tongue enters you.

He carefully prods one finger at your entrance “is that okay?” he asks, his voice hoarse and dripping with lust.

“yea” you sigh.

Once you adjust to one finger, he adds a second one, curling them upwards to search for that specific patch inside of you.

“yes-fuck right there” you moan when his fingers press onto the sweetest spot inside of you, tugging at his hair a little harshly. But you feel him moan against you, getting lost in your taste as he sucks your clit in between his soft lips.

Your hips buckle against his mouth as your eyes roll backwards, feeling the warmth of your orgasm approach rapidly.

“fuck fuck yes-hyunjin” you cry out just before he tipped you over the edge with his skillful ministration, your orgasm rushing up your spine and into your head, endorphins spreading everywhere.

A cry of pleasure fills the room as your thighs starts trembling with the aftershocks, clamping around his head when he drives you into overstimulation.

“oh-shit-“ you pant as you softly pushed on his forehead to get him away from your clit, his fingers still inside you, guiding you through your high.

He nibbles on your inner thigh apologetically. You can still hear your heartbeat in your ears after hyunjin removes his fingers from you and sits up, gently holding your legs together to help you calm down.

“fuck” you mewl, a soft smile tugging at his lips.

He’s wanted to do this for so long and there you are, with all of your naked glory in front of him.

While he’s daydreaming about you, you sit up and start fiddling with his sweatpants.

“you want more?” he quips, once he realises what you’re doing, leaning in to kiss you.

“mhm” you humm into the kiss affirmitavely when his hand holds you close to him by your jaw.

With a quick last peck to your lips he simultaneously shimmies the soft black sweats and his boxers off of himself.

You apparently visibly gulp at the sight of his cock because hyunjin smirks cockily “like what you see?” as he crawls above you again, his lips finding yours again and not waiting for an answer.

“I don’t know if you’ll fit” you mumble when he suckles at the soft nook of skin under your ear.

“we can stop here” he offers softly before locking eyes again.

You shake your head as you reach down to fist his length, slowly pumping it and smearing the few drops of precum around.

“no, you’re just really big” you huff with a shy smile on your lips at which hyunjin groans.

“you’re gonna be the death of me, you know?” he mutters against your lips before kissing you deeply, his hand smoothing over the slope of your waist before coming up to gently pinch at one of your nipples.

Eliciting a soft high pitched moan from you, this only spurs him on.

Rolling his tongue against yours desperately and making you taste yourself before sinfully sucking at the wet muscle.

All the while you’re stroking him with your small hand before cupping his balls, as if he didn’t already feel like he’s gonna blow his load way too early.

“please” you whine, guiding his reddened tip towards your entrance.

Hyunjin releases a shaky breath before replacing your hand with his, rutting his hips against yours a few times, coating his length in your wetness.

This already had your toes curling, suppressing a whine as you lock your legs around his waist.

“tell me if it hurts, yea?” he breathes, only pressing inside you after you nod, dropping a kiss to your swollen lips.

“fuck” he swears softly, tucking his face in the crook of your neck when he breaches your tight walls for the first time.

Your fingers tighten in his hair at the back of his neck when a subtle sting flares up inside of you.

“ah-“ your body flinches a little when he presses further inside, hyunjin notices, observing your expression before kissing your cheek and sitting up slowly.

“you’re doing so good, baby” he lifts his thumb to his lips, swiftly kitten-licking the digit before bringing it to where your bodies join.

Gently rolling your clit under his thumb to distract you from the pain.

“you look so perfect like this” his other hand travels over your stomach to gently squeeze at your breasts “all spread out for me”

You whimper, arching your back when hyunjin thrusts into you carefully; the pain slowly subsiding and the ache to be fully filled up by him growing exponentially when his cock rubs against your g spot.

“hyunjin” you moan, gripping onto his hand, which is resting atop your breast.

“yes baby, I’m here” he groans at how tight you feel once he’s balls deep inside of you, abandoning your clit to grab you by the hips for leverage.

His other hand resting on your cheek now, after a few trusts you moan “harder, please”

Hyunjin groans and fulfils your wish, at one particularly harsh thrust, you latch your lips around his pointer and middle finger, sucking at them.

“oh my god-that’s so fucking hot” he grunts through clenched teeth.

His cock dragging along your walls deliciously, filling you up to the brim as you hum around his slender fingers in pleasure.

“you like my hands that much baby?” his jaw is clenched and the grip on your waist is rough , the contrast to how sweet he was just a few minutes earlier had you clench around him furiously.

“fuck-“ he breathes when you nod to the best of your abilities, eyes wide open and holding his gaze.

You only release his fingers from in between your lips in favour for a loud high pitched moan when his other hand finds your clit again, rubbing harsh circles into the bud.

“-gonna cum-huynjin” you dig your nails into his biceps, eyes squeezing shut.

“yea?” he grits through his teeth the fingers that were previously trapped in your mouth now wrapping around your bared throat.

Not squeezing tightly, just resting there as if to show you that you’re his now.

Your thought gets confirmed when he rasps “you’re gonna date me after this, right pretty girl?”

You do look so pretty right now, tits bouncing and skin slapping because of the fast rhythm that he’s snapping his hips into yours, not to mention the subtle sheen of sweat that’s coating the both of you.

A desperate breathy chuckle tumbles from your lips “ yes-yes fuck” you feel your second orgasm creeping up on you.

“cum for me princess, all over my cock” he urges you on, his tip hammering into the sweet spot inside of you repeatedly before you crash into your second high of the night.

Your body convulses in pleasure as you call out his name mixed with profanities, your toes curling so hard you’re not sure if you can ever uncurl them again, and your nails probably leaving painful indents in his skin.

His thumb on your clit slows down until you grab his hand for him to stop, his hand around your neck grabs your free one, holding both of your hands over your head now.

“so good, baby” he mumbles, kissing your lips; mostly just breathing into each other as he rocks you through every wave of your orgasm.

Hyunjin looses himself in you not long after with a guttural moan and his eyes squeezing shut.

You coax him through it when he rests his face against your neck again, running your fingertips through his damp hair and over his broad back, muscles tensing under your gentle touch.

i“don’t fall asleep on me” you whisper sneakily, grinning when he chuckles against your neck, tickling the soft skin there.

He props himself up again to scan over your features, pushing some hair out of your face before kissing you tenderly.

“you okay?” his hand resting at your temple as he gently runs his thumb over your hairline.

“more than” you assure him, cupping his cheeks to pull his lips onto yours again.You think you can never get enough of his lips, anything about him for that matter; not when he makes you feel so cared about and safe.

“so does this mean we’re dating now?” he whispers after he has cleaned you up and tucked the both of you in bed.

“hmh” you nod your head sleepily, positioned on his bare chest.

“so I can spoon you once we fall asleep?” he asks, grin evident in his voice.

“you can spoon me but you can’t wake me up in the middle of the night if you get horny” you mumble jokingly, enjoying his fingers running down your spine as your eyelids get heavier.

“okay” he giggles softly, pressing a kiss to the crown of your head before you whisper your good nights to each other.

And as promised, he doesn’t wake you up in the middle of the night because he’s horny.

It’s you who wakes him, because after 10 months of wasted time, you have a lot of catching up to do.

a/n: oml this is my first ever long fic so pls pls pls give me feedback, i had so much fun writing his even though it made me feel even more single but hey :))))

allsooo i waited til after work to publish this and i just saw i hit 500 followers?!?!?! thats crazy to me omg i started this like 2 months ago and so many ppl liked my stuff so much that they decided to follow me?? so i just wanna say thank u thank u thank u for hitting the follow button even though im very unorganized and everything i do is spontaneaous and not thought out well. but hey i guess there is a reason that u followed me so thank u!

(i’d love if u sent me an ask with the first one of my writings that u stumbled across, and how <3 ...only if u want tho no pressure)

anyways thank u so much for reading if you’ve made it this far! i hope you have a great day/ night! much love

-aj

(this is a work of fiction and does not represent the real actions of stray kids or hwang hyunjin)

#omgaaaaa im finally done writing this oof it took forever but it was so much fun #thank u for reading my loves #and dont forget ur beautiful and loved and drink water #ily #hwang hyunjin #hwang hyunjin smut #hyunjin smut #hyunjin oneshot #straykids smut #stray kids #stray kids hyunjin #hyunjin e2l #hyunjin fluff #hyunjin college!au #big dick hyunjin #skskksks im sorry #i guess this is my 500 followers special lol #idk ahh ill add more tags later my brain be empty its late okay hahajajss

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axiang-n-chengling-s-dads · 3 years ago

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Baek Kyung: The Writer’s Stand-In

“In this messed-up world, the only moment I can be myself is when I’m with you on the stage. In both the previous book and this book, the Baek Kyung that the writer draws in our scenes is the real me.”

Baek Kyung is a well-written and complex character, who starts off as Dan Oh’s antithesis, under the writer’s control and slowly break’s free from his previous identity to find his real self.

Dan Oh’s Antithesis

“Think about it. Was there anything that changed as you’d intended? In the end we’re following the writer’s story.”

Baek Kyung while not exactly the writer’s stand-in, is someone who challenges Dan Oh constantly on her beliefs, and for a very long time represents the way the writer views things.

He is the one who points out that they couldn’t ultimately change anything, going against both Dan Oh and Haru’s faith in their power to change the story.

This comes mostly from the fact that Baek Kyung is unable to shake off the writers influence on him.

“You’ll change the story which has been drawn already? (...) How can you be sure if the writer is still drawing this or if he’s finished it already?”

Baek Kyung is also the one who points out that events are repeating themselves from the previous book, as are the lines, and suggests that the writer is more in control of them than they think. He is also the one to tell Dan Oh that it was Haru who killed her in the previous book, with the staunch belief that Haru will eventually lead to Dan Oh’s downfall.

“You cannot leave me because you’re not supposed to. That’s your fate. That’s the reason why you were born and existed to this day.” -Trumpet Creeper, to Haru

“You’ll always have to stay by my side. That’s just who you are.”- Secret, to Dan Oh

Another writer’s belief that Baek Kyung upholds is the belief in this hierarchy of extras and main characters. He believes in the realness of the stage, and that the character’s drawn by the writer for them are their true selves.

“Everything is back in its place. Its better for Dan Oh too. At least she wont suffer between the gap of the stage and shadow.”

Baek Kyung also believes in the bliss of ignorance as opposed to the burden of knowledge. When he comes to know that characters that die in the shadow lose their self-awareness, he says it wouldn’t be a bad way to be, even if you only experienced emotions the writer wrote for you and had to lose all your memories.

The Monster

“I desperately wanted everything to go back to its place. I’d hoped the stage was the reality. But it wasn’t the real you on stage. And wishing to keep you by my side knowing that you weren’t yourself, makes me a monster.”

Under the writer’s control, Baek Kyung starts off as a cold, wounded character, Dan Oh’s distant fiance. As his character, his behaviour ranges from stand-offish to downright cruel sometimes.

As Dan Oh gains self-awareness and changes as a person, Baek Kyung notices. He notices the changes in her and the entry of Haru.

He starts to gain self-awareness once, in the shadows, he begins to fall for Dan Oh and begins to regret his harsh actions on stage.

“You don’t know how I was always alone, outside the stage.”

It is important to understand the reason for his personality remaining largely unchanged from his stage self is because, unlike Dan Oh, Do Hwa, or Ju Da, Baek Kyung is unable to separate the identity the author has given him.

He also cannot divorce himself from his set up. He still grieves and blames his mother who left him when he was young, and also distances himself from Dan Oh because she reminds him of his mother. He believes that her terminal conditions means that she will leave him one day too.

“You said you didn’t know if the Eun Dan Oh in my memory was real or fake. But I wish she was real. There must be a reason why everything’s going back to what it was before.”

Like I said before, Baek Kyung thinks that the stage is the reality. When Dan Oh’s ten-year crush seems to disappear into thin air, and she claims it was fake all along, Baek Kyung is hurt and confused. For him, as for her, the memories of their childhood together were real, even if they were just a part of their set-ups.

"Light pink roses mean, ‘Only you know how I feel.’”

Another problem he has because of his fear of abandonment is that he guards his emotions very closely, and therefore they’re always painfully left unsaid. By the time he comes around to confessing to them, it is too late.

Dan Oh has already found happiness elsewhere, and is adamant in changing the stage.

“You cant help it Sae-Mi, youre the villain. (...) You need to tell them what their role is.”

In his bid to stop her from changing the stage, and his frustration with his character and the writer, Baek Kyung realises how fully he has turned into the role of the villain. Both in the stage and in the shadow, in this book and in the previous one too, he is always placed against Dan Oh in an antagonistic manner. This arc is completed when he removes her oxygen mask in the hospital and is shown that he was the one who’d killed her in ‘Trumpet Creeper’.

It is here that his worst fears come true: he was the reason why everyone he loved left him-- he was the real monster.

The Real Baek Kyung

“You (Dan Oh) are the only person who really knows me.”

Funnily enough, for someone who thought he was Dan Oh’s beginning, it is Eun Dan Oh herself who becomes the beginning of the new, the real Baek Kyung as the show draws to a close.

“They are cliches, but we’re the only ones who know how cruel and sad this is. Because we’re just Dan Oh and Baek Kyung before our characters.The Dan Oh of ‘Secret’ wants to thank you, and the Dan Oh of ‘Trumpet Creeper’ forgives you.”

Having blamed himself for her death in Trumpet Creeper and mistreatement in Secret, Baek Kyung could only truly rid himself of the writer’s clutches if he separated himself from his stage self. Eun Dan Oh’s acknowledgement of their stage roles, and of their relationship off-screen let’s him break free from the cycle of resentment and revenge.

“You can go in my place. Don’t get the wrong idea. I’m doing this because I hate the writer.”

The second step in his transition is undermining the stage. As someone who fully believed in the stage’s authority, the moment where he actively works to change it is important-- he finally does the right thing helping Dan Oh recover her true self, and sheds his identity as the monster.

“(...) or hate each other from now on. Let’s put the past behind us.”

The truce with Jimmichi Fairy is also an important one. Along with Dan Oh, his character in the previous book had also harmed Jimmichi Fairy. Remembering is only painful for them because of the grudges they hold. Letting them go, and forgiving each other, Baek Kyung, JF, and Haru finally resolve their conflict, ensuring that Secret, or any book in the future does not meet a violent ending like Trumpet Creeper did.

“I am grateful that the writer made me your younger brother.”

“Thats the funniest thing you ever told me.”

“I mean it. Because that means I’m always by your side.”

This is the final step in Baek Kyung’s journey of self-discovery. Baek Kyung was someone who always felt as though he was alone, pushing away his brother even after he found out that Baek Joon-Hyun was also self-aware. Like before, he could not leave behind their setups-- he was not his real brother, but the son of the woman who’d tried to replace his mother.

Admitting that he needs Baek Joon-Hyun, and letting the latter love him, Baek Kyung finally leaves behind his old self completely, and finally finds the Real Baek Kyung.

#extraordinary you #extraordinary you meta #july found by chance #meta #meta analysis #kdrama #kdrama recs #at a distance spring is green #the devil judge #penthouse #my roommate is a gumiho #vincenzo #youth of may

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touchmycoat · 3 years ago

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qijiu bingqiu (bingliushen??) fix-it fic planning blabber

so i think i gotta keep it tight on SJ’s POV. Right before his death, he makes a deal with Xin Mo (who’s kind of a lone operator bc LBH too has to fight its power) to create this alternate timeline in exchange for his cultivation. Xin Mo can open up new dimensions no problem, and with SJ’s cultivation, it even manages to rewind the timeline. That’s not enough though—Xin Mo’s goal is only consumption, so it takes the deal but reveals there’s nothing that will actually change. The price SJ paid only opened the door.

But that’s fine, ‘cause SJ saw it coming. He also strikes another deal, this time with Death itself? Some sort of large cosmic force. The only thing he wants changed is Qi-ge’s death, and in exchange...the universe takes him. SJ will not get to exist in that second universe. SJ takes the deal.

And that’s the start of canon. SJ-as-SQQ can no longer exist. Instead, SY-as-SQQ is brought in. In order to stay cohered though, YQY’s memories and personality get a little glitched—he is physically incapable of recognizing all the ways SQQ is now not SJ. That’s why, despite SY-as-SQQ clearly being OOC, YQY never seems to see it.

Canon happens, now we’re in the post-canon world where bingqiu are married and settling down, but SQQ still kicks it with his buddies LQG and YQY every now and then. YQY still firmly believes SQQ is SJ, to SY’s increasing consternation. Is it just delusions and wishful thinking? The more YQY treats him as SJ though, the worse SY feels—he shouldn’t be stealing all this affection that doesn’t belong to him.

It all comes to head when SQQ overhears public opinion on YQY, how he’s perfect in everything but his crazy devotion to SQQ. SY thinks enough is enough. He can’t bring SJ back but he sure can tell YQY that his Xiao Jiu is dead, right? The System warns him he’ll be punished but that’s fine, it’s just not fair, SQQ can take another little mental horror trip down to BinggeLand if it means YQY can have some closure.

Except that’s not what happens. He gets YQY in private and says, “no, you don’t understand, Shen Jiu is dead.” He sees the recognition in YQY’s eyes, but he also sees the moment that recognition gets wiped. The sad smile that had fallen off of YQY’s face returns, eerily happy, as YQY says, “my apologies, Qingqiu-shidi, I must have spaced out just now, what did you say?”

Right before the System kicks him into another punishment phase, SY tries again: “Shen Jiu is dead!” He sees the recognition disappear once again from YQY’s eyes.

Inside the punishment world, Bingge has him again. “I’ve been searching for an answer to why the sniveling pathetic version of me gets you as his Shizun, and I think I figured it out.” For a moment, SY’s horrified by the possibility that Bingge has figured out his transmigrator status—if his punishment figures it out, would he be trapped inside the punishment forever? But instead, Bingge says, “Liu Qingge is still alive, meaning Shizun didn’t kill him in the spirit caves. Did his survival render such a dramatic change?” SQQ”s like “yup, yup that’s definitely it. We’re such good friends, he really changed my outlook on life, so I treated you better, mhm.”

“Shizun’s very clever then to save his own life this way. Xin Mo’s already told me about your little bargain.”

That’s how SY learns that SJ had made a deal. Holy shit, he’d thought it was just random phenomenon this whole time, but the original goods had made it all possible? He didn’t know whether to thank SJ or curse him.

But that can’t be the whole story—Xin Mo opened up a timeline, that doesn’t explain why SY is here. Bingge doesn’t know this part, but it sure feels like SJ made a second deal, paying with his life.

What would motivate the original goods to do all this? Sacrifice his hard-won cultivation and his entire existence in this last-ditch effort?

The memory of YQY’s glitching came to mind.

Holy shit. SY owns the two of them more than he’d ever thought.

After the punishment, SY goes back home. He’s with Binghe, and LBH can tell there’s something troubling him.

“Binghe, there’s something this husband wants to do, and I need your help to do it.”

“Shizun, anything.”

“...But there’s a risk it might hurt you. There’s a risk it might ruin everything. It might be straight-forward, but it also might not be. It’s safer for all of us—but especially you, Binghe—if I just let things be.”

“But it’s not something that Shizun can just let be, is it? Otherwise Shizun wouldn’t have said anything. Binghe is honored to help. Anything to ease Shizun’s mind.”

“...I promised I wouldn’t let you come to harm again, and I meant that. Whatever happens, remember that I am your husband, this is my call, and you must do whatever you need to do to protect yourself, okay? Swear to me, Binghe.”

SQQ begins figuring out how to use Xin Mo to go fetch SJ from the other timeline. He figures that if Bingge could exist in this dimension without destroying the space-time continuum, the same ought to be true for SJ. Only trouble is, he can only go get SJ after SJ’s made the deals, because otherwise it’s a paradox, and he wouldn’t exist.

So SQQ brings home limbless, post-torture!SJ. That’s where the fic starts.

By all accounts, the deals are squared: SJ no longer has cultivation and SJ died in SY’s dimension, so SY successfully exists. SJ and SY can exist in the same space totally fine, and SJ begins healing.

(Currently, the fic is completely from SJ’s POV, and very much about coming to terms with being saved and what the hell is going on in this better world.)

The trouble is, SY doesn’t know what’s going to happen when SJ meets YQY again. SJ very thoroughly declines the offer to go see YQY because part of SJ still believes this whole thing is a trick, and if he goes to see YQY he’ll ruin his end of the bargain and YQY will die again. For SY’s part, he’s afraid of SJ going to see YQY too for similar but opposite reasons—if SJ going to see YQY ruins SJ’s end of the bargain, then wouldn’t that mean SY can no longer exist? Would SY just disappear from this universe?

So we get ragtag group therapy fun times. SJ thinks this is probably all an illusion Xin Mo is tricking him with, so treats everything with scorn but also existential apathy. This actually works to his benefit because he’s not clinging to things as hard, and it’s easier for him to admit, for example, that he was definitely in the wrong for abusing LBH, and yeah he was being a spiteful bitch when he did not need to be.

SY tries to keep LBH away from SJ mostly, because c’mon, he’s not about to make his darling husband face his childhood abuser. He does explain the situation to LBH though, in the same terms that Bingge had (mis)understood it lmfao—that the act of saving LQG’s life had prompted an entire 180 on his personality so he came out of the spirit caves a better man. LBH’s jealous as fuck of course, but damn if that doesn’t explain some things. Given the opportunity to see his old and new Shizun side-by-side, LBH takes it, and really gets a moment to see how horribly he’s been treated by SQQ.

So it actually prompts some therapy between SY and LBH too. LBH used to figure that getting pushed into the Abyss was squared by SQQ sacrificing himself to save him. But ofc it turned out SQQ came back and kept on, in his perspective, trying to get away from him. Trying to leave him behind. SQQ’s tried to treat his abandonment issues by going “okay sorry about that I’ll never leave you behind again” but he’s never really explained it.

SJ’s presence gives Binghe the ability to ask the question again and gives SY an answer: shame and cowardice. They’re able to put SJ’s mistreatment of Binghe right in front of them and SY-as-SQQ gets to explain how much it hurt to look back on that bit of their past, but also how much he feared LBH's retaliation. LBH is a little hurt, but also he remembers how he’d raped SQQ under Xin Mo’s control and, looking at what’s left of SJ now, he sees his own darkest possibilities. He really did destroy the man he loves now in another timeline. That helps him contextualize SY’s fears and why SY chose to push him off the cliff.

LQG crashlands into the middle of this whole party as is his wont. He gets a little fix-it too maybe. SY very staunchly repeats the reason for his personality swap—saving LQG in that cave made him a Better Person™. Meeting the original goods again, LQG is forced to believe it. Or like, it doesn’t really matter to him either way, but now he really does see pre-cave SQQ and post-cave SQQ as two completely different people.

SJ though, has to swallow this really weird pill. He remembers trying to save LQG inside the cave but failing, and then getting blamed for LQG’s death. If he’d succeeded, he and LQG would’ve become...this close?? A life debt between them would’ve changed his outlook on life so much???

Well whatever. Now that he’s put down all his old posturing, he more readily gives his reasons for why LQG gets on his nerves so much: the insufferable confidence (arrogant prick), the skills to back it up (privileged bastard), and a flawless cultivator family with all the money and the training and the pedigree. (Meanwhile SY’s like “oh shit that’s me too hahahahah awkward, good thing he still thinks i’m him so he doesn’t just murder me immediately.)

LQG’s a little weirded out too. SY-as-SQQ is his favorite person in the world, so it’s hard to get angry at SJ-as-SQQ since they’re “the same person.” He’s more willing to talk all this out with SJ and brings up all their old beef on his side too: high-handed snootiness coupled with underhanded dick moves, also the whole sleeping-with-prostitutes thing hurting Cang Qiong’s reputation. Ofc they’re snapping at each other this whole time. “There’s no reason for you to do all that!”

SY intervenes if needed. “Actually there is.” Considering the fact that SJ gets indicted for so many things that actually turn out to be not his fault, SY figures he’ll just get it out there. “Remember Qiu Haitang’s accusations against me? I grew up a slave in that household. I grew up believing it was kill or be killed—it doesn’t make sabotaging others right, but...that’s why the Spirit Caves made such an impression on me. I learned it wasn’t just kill or be killed, I can also save people. It opened my eyes to everything I already had, and everything I should be grateful for.”

This is for both LQG and SJ. And it works, to some degree. SJ knows he managed to claw to the top of privilege, but he still felt horribly insecure there. That’s because, he realizes, he never got the thing that would actually grant him security. It's not power or money or reputation—it’s Qi-ge. Holy hell he misses Qi-ge. In anger and betrayal, he’d pushed YQY continuously out of his life, but when faced with certain death the only regret he actually had was bringing Qi-ge down with him. YQY was meant to have survived, and in this world, he did.

So now, after all that, SJ really, really wants to go see his Qi-ge. It’s nice to have survived (and gotten part of his power back—at the very beginning, SY gives one of SQQ’s eyes to SJ as a bit of his golden core in order to save SJ’s life), but it’s so damn hard to live on in this world knowing YQY is only so far away, still very deeply attached to Xiao Jiu.

They try to Cyrano it at first. SY-as-SQQ goes to YQY with SJ’s voice in his ear, telling SY how to treat YQY as him. YQY is so fucking touched and hopeful, and SY is damn uncomfortable. He goes running back to SJ and says it’s not going to work—it’s not going to work because he’s no longer Qi-ge’s Xiao Jiu. He’s Luo Binghe’s husband, okay? He can’t go back to YQY as SJ.

SJ’s fucking furious at first (what kind of shitty variation of himself saves LQG’s life and then falls out of love with Qi-ge???? bitch?????) but what can he do? LQG tells them YQY’s on his way here and SJ hides for now. They still don’t know what will happen if SJ meets YQY, so SY continues to front as SJ for now.

But during this conversation, something changes. Maybe YQY says something, but SJ realizes he’s actually a little willing to take this chance. If Qi-ge does disappear—easy, he’d just kill himself right after. He’d already experienced Qi-ge’s death twice before, and at least this time, he can follow, knowing he’s at least reconciled with Qi-ge through SY.

And if he disappears on his own, then at least he knows there’s a world in which Qi-ge does not die horribly. That’s enough for him.

That, however, leaves the very last possibility—that SY will disappear. At this point both LQG and LBH have figured this out, and are very, very reluctant to let this be the scenario. They don’t see it as two people, they see it as their version of SQQ vs. YQY’s version of SQQ.

So there’s a little tension, but in the end, SY gets the final choice. As soon as he learns SJ is willing to go see YQY, he chooses that path. He simply owes qijiu too much to deny them the possibility of reconciliation. So despite knowing he might disappear from Binghe and LQG’s life, he makes it happen.

(They should get a very painful goodbye scene.)

SY goes out to explain things. “Zhangmen-shixiong may have noticed my change since my qi deviation and the spirit caves.” “I’m happy Xiao Jiu has a brighter outlook on life.” “Yes, but I think Qi-ge, of all people, might actually prefer how I was before, right?” “If Xiao Jiu’s happy, I’m happy.” “Yes, but Shen Jiu wants you. Is that alright?” “—of course. I want Xiao Jiu too—”

SJ comes out. Everyone holds their breath.

Scene cut.

It’s said that Cang Qiong’s Sect Leader Yue Qingyuan disappeared suddenly one afternoon...

But jk, YQY just ran away with SJ, they’re recuperating in the mountains and everybody’s fine and it’s a happy ending.

#...nice #that's the whole fic planned then #sv fix-it

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ccsthemovie2 · 3 years ago

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(I think it's a word over 500, but:)

"Speaking of Tsukishiro, how's he doing?", Eriol asks. Frying pan to fire to volcano.

"He's good," Touya says quickly, before Sakura can say anything. Yukito is not even in the ballpark of "good". Yesterday he called Touya and begged him to bike over and said it was important and when Touya showed up he was asleep, and stayed fast asleep right through to the next morning. He keeps trying to make appointments with doctors, and then falling asleep before he can call, or, when Touya calls for him, before he can make it out the door. Privately, Touya isn't sure how much good a doctor can do for him, but anything has to be better than this, right?

"Really? I'm glad to hear it." Ugh, how much has Sakura told him. Not that she doesn't have a right to talk to her friends, but, come on, would it kill her to least keep it between her and Tomoyo and the funny looking cat.

He's good, that's an obvious lie. Ruby has said Yukito could barely stand upright at school. Every inch of Touya Kinomoto is packed full of magic. Sooner or later, Eriol figures, either Sakura will be powerful enough to sustain him, or Yue will have to get over himself and just eat already. Touya can't actually do anything with his magic, so it's not like Yue, even weak as he is, will have to face much of a struggle to take it. (Aside from competition with Ruby, of course. There's something to that, right, articles and studies about animals being healthier if they need a bit of careful planning to get their food? Yes, so this works out nicely.)

Or maybe- oh, that's probably it. Yue's on to him, isn't he? He's just being stubborn as usual, figuring sooner or later Clow will appear via Eriol and save him. He can imagine how surprised, overjoyed, grateful Yue would be, if Eriol showed up and saved his life. He can imagine Yue's head resting on his neck as clearly as if he had kept Yue well-fed with magic a thousand times in his lifetime. It would be nice, in the short run, but it wouldn't be right, no. Clow is dead, and Yue needs to learn to live with that. If he knows what's good for him, he will take responsibility for his own life, and if he doesn't...

Ahh, well, maybe it's Clow's old sentimentality, maybe Eriol is just warming up to Sakura's moon guardian all on his own, but he can't bring himself around to the idea of letting Yue just die. He'd save him, if it came down to it. But, he tells himself sternly, only as an absolute last resort. He's just worrying because he misses Yue and wants to get to know him better all at once in that past-and-future way- it's worth a visit, soon. Yes, a nice little visit, and Yue will never even have to know it happened. Just to check in.

(sorry the formatting got weird when i copypasted lol!)

hiiii thanks for the ask!!!

if we talk about this convo we need to back up and talk about how it got here. this should give you some idea of how badly this needs to be under a cut for length lol.

so it all starts with the bit about how someone falling and being caught is something that happens a lot in ccs. how with eriol, it's purposeful, and with fujitaka (and i misremembered it but since found out she fell *on* him and not *caught* by him, which lolol i hope he broke a bone, but also its fine the fic's already marked canon divergent, or maybe the story gets misremembered, whatever, in any case), it's an echo of clowriol's intentional artificial-trustbuild-dangersaves but without the magic or purpose to back it up (just like fujitaka himself!), but it's a situation he quickly makes favorable to him, because it may be a blank slate but it's made of the same material.

this whole convo was part of one of the very first chunks written, but everything was going to go in a very different direction at first. (there's a lot of Cut Content from this fic, some that i just didn't like, some that wasn't connectable with the rest of the fic after it took the shape it took but might pop up somewhere else one day idk). in this particular bit i cut the later half of the conversation because i really didn't like what i'd written, but then even though the direction of the story changed the conversation was still going so it had to bounce somewhere else, so it bounced to yukito. here we are answering your ask 2 paragraphs in!

yukito, iirc in the anime, did catch her from a fall, (in the manga, which made way more sense for why she had to change her clothes and rest so much, he saved her from drowning, again iirc because who can trust a memory) and at a point where eriol still has some investment in making yuekito/sakura (ewwwww) happen, he's going to try and draw on that symbolism to nudge her in that direction, right?

so all this said, SPEAKING of yuekito. how are they doing.

bad, obviously. touya's freaking out. i imagine that part of what's stopping yukito from seeing a doctor is yue, though- he knows it wont help, and i dont think yukito has, like, person insides that will stand up to medical tests, and yue would pick up on yukito like, not wanting to be outed to the doctor as a magic construct because he, like, doesnt actually have a real heart that pulses, just a repeating heartbeat sound. doesn't for real have blood etc to test, just records of blood type (for personality reasons).

and also touya's a very like keep-ur-problems-not-everybodys-business type so hes like imagining sakura venting her fears to this weirdo and getting pissed off. but that didnt actually happen, eriol knew all on his own lolol. touya you have to say something nice should happen to sakura to make up for wrongly suspecting her now

and this bit on eriol's end is all wrong information and inaccurate conclusions and i was really worried ppl would take it at face value but i hope nobody did. in ccs we get moments where eriol wants sakura to take power, or to learn that power can be taken- his final battle with her, for example, where the answer to his light and dark puzzle is to use kero and yue's power, except that's not something she would ever Want to do or would even Occur to her to try. the power is gifted to her by kero and yue (and syaoran!) because they love her.

same concept, here- the answer to the 'yue is dying' puzzle is to eat touya's power, and he can't imagine the real reason why he won't just do that, and when he thinks about it too long it goes right to his ego- yue looovvvvesss clow, and by extension me. he wants meeeeeee to save him. he wants to neck kissy MY magic soo sooooo bad. but yue isn't considering any of that at all. he's thinking about yukito and what touya means to yukito and why that would make yukito hesitate to reach out, and that no way in hell will he just ambush his other self's crush down a dark alley and take his magic, even to save both their lives. he's a lot more selfless than clow and eriol ever realize. maybe- this is just a half formed thought right now, i dont know if im like certain about it, but- maybe they feel his devotion to clow was a form of selfishness, that he Wanted Love as a thing he could hold and own, whereas pretty much everybody else who meets him goes like YOU SELFLESS MAN YOU CANT JUST DIE FOR PPL YOU CARE ABOUT YOU GOTTA TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF TOOOO

and there’s also that bit of teacherliness intrinsic to the three of them again: im doing this to teach him a lesson. im letting ruby do her thing without telling her what’s going on to help and encourage yue, etc.

anyway, that (in terms of fic weaving itself into canon) solidifies his decision to do uhmmmm a thing that creeps me out real bad in the anime (knocking yue out to have a moment with him, and oh, ding, there's another 'you fell but i caught you' moment!). eriol loves this manner of hanging out with people, you see it later in this fic, even:

It's important to say what's in your heart to the people you want to say it to, even if you have to make sure the other person never hears it. It's important for your own emotional freedom.

he loves to spend time with people exclusively on his terms, to the point where the other party never even knew he was there, because he knocked them out, or because he was just staring creepily at the outside of sakura's house while she did homework, etc etc etc.

tldr: it's all connected, aaaaaaaaa

#ask

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phoenix-downer · 3 years ago

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The Princess of Light Chapter 3: Falling In

1800 words. Angst, Romance, Fluff, Fairy Tales. For SoKai Week 2021, Day 3.

Summary: Princess Kairi is cursed to be without love when she is a baby. She grows up cold and without a heart to help her understand other people’s feelings, no matter how hard her parents try to help her. One day, however, she meets a mysterious prince from a faraway world, and he just might hold the key to breaking her curse.

Now at last we come to the prince. He was from another world, one that was as hot as Princess Kairi was cold, with warm beaches and yellow sands and salty seas. Naturally he’d heard of Kairi’s condition, as that sort of thing is not something people can keep quiet about, but he had no plans to actually meet her.

He was on his way to another world, in fact, when his Gummi Ship ran into an asteroid and he had to make an emergency landing on Radiant Garden. As fate would have it, his ship crashed on land the royal family owned, though of course he didn’t know this at the time.

“Ouch,” he muttered, rubbing his head as the engine sputtered and moaned and various things that shouldn’t be creaking creaked. “That could’ve gone better.”

But at least he was alive and in one piece. He’d need help to repair his ship though. Stumbling out of the beaten-down vessel, he paused to take in his surroundings. The most delicious scent hit his nose, fragrant flowers and pines, and water bubbled in the distance. A full moon shone overhead, and scattered moonlight danced through the trees.

“This must be Radiant Garden,” he said as he trudged through the knee-high grass. “If I say I’m a lost traveler, someone around here oughta be able to help me.”

The prince followed the sound of the water till he reached a small stream, then took a drink to refresh himself.

“The water of this world really does seem magical,” he said as he scooped up another mouthful. It tasted delicious and soothed his parched throat. Cold and clean and refreshing. Just as he was about to scoop up some more to pour over his head, a noise in the distance stopped him. It sounded like a young lady crying out, and he ran towards her at once, as princes are wont to do.

When he made it out of the thicket, he spotted a pool of something shimmering and shining in the clearing. And in that pool was a young lady, and that young lady was Princess Kairi. She was laughing and giggling as she frolicked in the light, but of course the prince had no idea of this. Her laughter had no warmth to it, so he thought it sounded like cries for help instead.

“Oh my gosh, she must be burning up!” was the only thought in his mind, and he shouted, “Hang on, I’ll save you!”

He dove in and scooped her into his arms, and this time she really did shriek, though not for the reasons he thought. He staggered out of the light pool as she kicked and struggled, yelling, “Put me down, put me down!”

This he did, and she let out a loud “Hmph!” and smoothed her skirts. The grass beneath her feet was already turning icy away from the light, and she knew her skin would soon be “cold.” Of course it never felt cold to her, just normal, but this strange young man would no doubt have complained about its “coldness” if he’d touched her bare arms much longer. Especially if his hand turned to ice.

Now that she’d recovered from her surprise a little, she gave him a closer look. He was about her age, if she had to guess, and wearing clothes from some far-off world. They certainly weren’t the types of clothes people wore here on Radiant Garden. Too light and breezy for that. His spiky brown hair looked like he’d never taken a comb to it in his life, and his eyes were as blue as the sky.

“What on earth came over you, yanking me out of the light like that?” Princess Kairi scolded. “Don’t you know it’s the only place where I don’t turn everything my skin touches freezing cold?”

His eyes widened as he put two and two together. “So you’re the cursed princess.”

“Yes, yes,” she said, rather irritably. “I’m guessing you’ve heard of me wherever you’re from.” He wasn’t the first person she’d met who’d gawked at her, and he certainly wouldn’t be the last.

“I have,” he said, “I just… had no idea you’d be this beautiful.”

The prince was already quite taken with the young lady before him. Her red hair reached her shoulders, and her violet eyes were lovely despite their iciness. Without the curse, the princess was naturally spirited and fiery, and perhaps the prince sensed that and saw what she could be if she still had her heart.

The princess hesitated despite herself. The prince did not seem put off by her manner; if anything, he seemed intrigued.

“My name’s Sora,” he said, then bowed politely. There was something about the warmth of his manner that intrigued her as well.

“Well, Prince Sora,” she replied, for she could tell by the way he carried himself he was a prince, “would you mind putting me back where I came from?”

“Oh, back in the light pool?”

She nodded. “Yes. I’m afraid that I turn anything that I touch cold, and there are some very nice flowers and grass around us that I don’t want to kill by stepping back in myself.”

Sora glanced at the ground, and the grass Princess Kairi was standing on had already withered and turned icy. Her feet were bare, and as such there was no clothing guarding her surroundings.

“Oh, sure,” he said. “I’d be happy to.”

“Just make sure you don’t touch my bare skin, or you’ll feel cold and get frostbite.”

Sora held up his hand. “No worries, I have gloves.”

He scooped her into his arms and noted that she was very cold indeed. But it didn’t matter all that much, for he climbed the little hill over the light pool and jumped in, plunging himself into its warmth along with Kairi. She was intrigued by this, for no one had ever jumped into the pool with her before. Sora had a big, caring heart, especially for someone his age. It provided the weight that she lacked in her heartless state, and that weight made for a much more exhilarating plunge than what she could ever achieve on her own. Soon they were swimming and laughing in the light pool together like old friends.

“Woah, this feels incredible,” Sora said, and he could see why the princess enjoyed it so much. He felt like he was bathing in liquid warmth, and that liquid warmth made him feel like he was floating. He’d heard about this pool before, but the stories didn’t do the reality justice.

“It does feel nice, doesn’t it?” Kairi agreed as she paddled around.

“Wanna fall in with me again?” he asked, a twinkle in his eye. For the moment they’d fallen in together, he’d experience another kind of falling as well, and pairing the two sensations, the adrenaline rush from jumping off the hill combined with the rush from holding this lovely young lady in his arms, was the most enticing prospect he could imagine.

“Sure,” Kairi agreed, and he grinned and scooped her up into his arms, carried her out of the pool, strolled back up the hill like she weighed nothing (for indeed without her heart she weighed less than most people her age), and jumped in the pool again as she shrieked with delight. This they repeated over and over again till Prince Sora was quite worn out. Then they just floated in the light pool, enjoying its restorative effects and how it was replenishing their energy bit by bit. They talked, too, about all sorts of things; their favorite books and stories, their favorite foods and the ones they couldn’t stand, how it felt to grow up as royalty.

Sora was much loved by the people of Destiny Islands, but the people of Radiant Garden rarely got to see or interact with Kairi because of her curse. He felt sorry for her, because how was she supposed to learn how to rule properly without getting to know her people? And setting aside all the ruling stuff, did she really have any friends her age? Or even a sweetheart? She hadn’t mentioned anyone, and Sora was quite eager to know if she’d be open to his advances.

“Well, it’s getting late,” she said, before he could ask. “I should be going home before my nurse or my parents start searching for me.”

“Please, may I escort you to the castle?” Sora asked.

“You’d better not. My father is very strict with me. I don’t care two cents about what other people say, but I’ve been scolded for not ‘acting like a princess’ before, and coming home with a strange young man at night isn’t very princess-like.”

She waded out of the light pool, leaving Sora feeling slightly deflated. He understood why her parents would balk at the thought of her coming home with a young man they’d never met, but he meant no ill.

“Can I see you tomorrow then?” he pleaded. He didn’t want to leave without the promise he’d get to see her again. Any chance to spend more time with her, to get to know her better, was one he wanted to take.

She paused, the light gently lapping at her bare feet. “If you’d like to come here again, sure. Falling in was fun. I’d like to do it again.”

He smiled. “Anytime.”

The princess felt a strange fluttering in her stomach that she chalked up to being hungry. That was her only frame of reference for such a feeling. None of her former suitors had lasted long enough to make it past her many barriers, and Sora had a smile that lit up his whole face and made his eyes look even more beautiful than they already were.

He reminded her of the special pool in a way. Yes, that must be it. He was sunny and warm and cheerful like the pool, so of course her stomach fluttered the way it did.

“Oh, Princess?” he asked as she put her shoes and socks on. Not the proper use of her title, but somehow, she didn’t mind.

“Yes?” she replied.

“Where’s a good place to stay for the night?”

Kairi gave her recommendation based on what her parents had told her before, and Sora thanked her politely.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, then,” he said as he waded out of the pool. With that they bid each other goodnight, and Sora felt that he was very lucky indeed to have crashed on Radiant Garden this evening. He watched to make sure she made it back to the castle okay, then returned to his Gummi Ship for a few more supplies before heading into the castle town.

Tomorrow couldn’t come fast enough.

#sokai #sokaiweek #sokaiweek2021 #sora #kairi #kingdom hearts #kh fanfiction #phoenix writes #phoenix-downer #romance #falling in love #fairy tale #fairy tales #the light princess #inspired by the light princess #the princess of light #chapter three #long post

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hlupdate · 4 years ago

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Variety’s Grammy-nominated Hitmaker of the Year goes deep on the music industry, the great pause and finding his own muses.

“We’ll dance again,” Harry Styles coos, the Los Angeles sunshine peeking through his pandemic-shaggy hair just so. The singer, songwriter and actor — beloved and critically acclaimed thanks to his life-affirming year-old album, “Fine Line” — is lamenting that his Variety Hitmaker of the Year cover conversation has to be conducted over Zoom rather than in person. Even via videoconference, the Brit is effortlessly charming, as anyone who’s come within earshot of him would attest, but it quickly becomes clear that beneath that genial smile is a well-honed media strategy.

To wit: In an interview that appears a few days later announcing his investment in a new arena in his native Manchester (more on that in a bit), he repeats the refrain — “There will be a time we dance again”— referencing a much-needed return to live music and the promise of some 4,000 jobs for residents.

None of which is to suggest that Styles, 26, phones it in for interviews. Quite the opposite: He does very few, conceivably to give more of himself and not cheapen what is out there and also to use the publicity opportunity to indulge his other interests, like fashion. (Last month Styles became the first male to grace the cover of Vogue solo.) Still, it stings a little that a waltz with the former One Direction member may not come to pass on this album cycle — curse you, coronavirus.

Styles’ isolation has coincided with his maturation as an artist, a thespian and a person. With “Fine Line,” he’s proved himself a skilled lyricist with a tremendous ear for harmony and melody. In preparing for his role in Olivia Wilde’s period thriller “Don’t Worry Darling,” which is shooting outside Palm Springs, he found an outlet for expression in interpreting words on a page. And for the first time, he’s using his megaphone to speak out about social justice — inspired by the outpouring of support for Black people around the world following the death of George Floyd at the hands of Minneapolis police in May.

Styles has spent much of the past nine months at home in London, where life has slowed considerably. The time has allowed him to ponder such heady issues as his purpose on the earth. “It’s been a pause that I don’t know if I would have otherwise taken,” says Styles. “I think it’s been pretty good for me to have a kind of stop, to look and think about what it actually means to be an artist, what it means to do what we do and why we do it. I lean into moments like this �� moments of uncertainty.”

In truth, while Styles has largely been keeping a low profile — his Love On Tour, due to kick off on April 15, was postponed in late March and is now scheduled to launch in February 2021 (whether it actually will remains to be seen) — his music has not. This is especially true in the U.S., where he’s notched two hit singles, “Adore You,” the second-most-played song at radio in 2020, and “Watermelon Sugar” (No. 22 on Variety’s year-end Hitmakers chart), with a third, “Golden,” already cresting the top 20 on the pop format. The massive cross-platform success of these songs means Styles has finally and decisively broken into the American market, maneuvering its web of gatekeepers to accumulate 6.2 million consumption units and rising.

Why do these particular songs resonate in 2020? Styles doesn’t have the faintest idea. While he acknowledges a “nursery rhyme” feel to “Watermelon Sugar” with its earwormy loop of a chorus, that’s about as much insight as he can offer. His longtime collaborator and friend Tom Hull, also known as the producer Kid Harpoon, offers this take: “There’s a lot of amazing things about that song, but what really stands out is the lyric. It’s not trying to hide or be clever. The simplicity of watermelon … there’s such a joy in it, [which] is a massive part of that song’s success.” Also, his kids love it. “I’ve never had a song connect with children in this way,” says Hull, whose credits include tunes by Shawn Mendes, Florence and the Machine and Calvin Harris. “I get sent videos all the time from friends of their kids singing. I have a 3-year-old and an 8-year-old, and they listen to it.”

Styles is quick to note that he doesn’t chase pop appeal when crafting songs. In fact, the times when he pondered or approved a purposeful tweak, like on his self-titled 2017 debut, still gnaw at him. “I love that album so much because it represents such a time in my life, but when I listen to it — sonically and lyrically, especially — I can hear places where I was playing it safe,” he says. “I was scared to get it wrong.”

Contemporary effects and on-trend beats hardly factor into Styles’ decision-making. He likes to focus on feelings — his own and his followers’ — and see himself on the other side of the velvet rope, an important distinction in his view. “People within [the industry] feel like they operate on a higher level of listening, and I like to make music from the point of being a fan of music,” Styles says. “Fans are the best A&R.”

This from someone who’s had free rein to pursue every musical whim, and hand in the album of his dreams in the form of “Fine Line.” Chart success makes it all the sweeter, but Styles insists that writing “for the right reasons” supersedes any commercial considerations. “There’s no part that feels, eh, icky — like it was made in the lab,” he says.

Styles has experience in this realm. As a graduate of the U.K. competition series “The X Factor,” where he and four other auditionees — Niall Horan, Zayn Malik, Liam Payne and Louis Tomlinson — were singled out by show creator and star judge Simon Cowell to conjoin as One Direction, he’s seen how the prefab pop machine works up close. The One Direction oeuvre, which counts some 42 million albums sold worldwide, includes songs written with such established hitmakers as Ryan Tedder, Savan Kotecha and Teddy Geiger. Being a studious, insatiable observer, Styles took it all in.

“I learned so much,” he says of the experience. “When we were in the band, I used to try and write with as many different people as I could. I wanted to practice — and I wrote a lot of bad shit.”

His bandmates also benefited from the pop star boot camp. The proof is in the relatively seamless solo transitions of at least three of its members — Payne, Malik and Horan in addition to Styles — each of whom has landed hit singles on charts in the U.K., the U.S. and beyond.

This departs from the typical trajectories of boy bands including New Kids on the Block and ’N Sync, which have all pro ered a star frontman. The thinking for decades was that a record company would be lucky to have one breakout solo career among the bunch.

Styles has plainly thought about this.

“When you look at the history of people coming out of bands and starting solo careers, they feel this need to apologize for being in the band. ‘Don’t worry, everyone, that wasn’t me! Now I get to do what I really want to do.’ But we loved being in the band,” he says. “I think there’s a wont to pit people against each other. And I think it’s never been about that for us. It’s about a next step in evolution. The fact that we’ve all achieved different things outside of the band says a lot about how hard we worked in it.”

Indeed, during the five-ish years that One Direction existed, Styles’ schedule involved the sort of nonstop international jet-setting that few get to see in a lifetime, never mind their teenage years. Between 2011 and 2015, One Direction’s tours pulled in north of $631 million in gross ticket sales, according to concert trade Pollstar, and the band was selling out stadiums worldwide by the time it entered its extended hiatus. Styles, too, had built up to playing arenas as a solo artist, engaging audiences with his colorful stage wear and banter and left-of-center choices for opening acts (a pre-Grammy-haul Kacey Musgraves in 2018; indie darlings King Princess and Jenny Lewis for his rescheduled 2021 run).

Stages of all sizes feel like home to Styles. He grew up in a suburb of Manchester, ground zero for some of the biggest British acts of the 1980s and ’90s, including Joy Division, New Order, the Smiths and Oasis, the latter of which broke the same year Styles was born. His parents were also music lovers. Styles’ father fed him a balanced diet of the Beatles, Fleetwood Mac, the Rolling Stones and Queen, while Mum was a fan of Shania Twain, Norah Jones and Savage Garden. “They’re all great melody writers,” says Styles of the acts’ musical throughline.

Stevie Nicks, who in the past has described “Fine Line” as Styles’ “Rumours,” referencing the Fleetwood Mac 1977 classic, sees him as a kindred spirit. “Harry writes and sings his songs about real experiences that seemingly happened yesterday,” she tells Variety. “He taps into real life. He doesn’t make up stories. He tells the truth, and that is what I do. ‘Fine Line’ has been my favorite record since it came out. It is his ‘Rumours.’ I told him that in a note on December 13, 2019 before he went on stage to play the ‘Fine Line’ album at the Forum. We cried. He sang those songs like he had sung them a thousand times. That’s a great songwriter and a great performer.”

“Harry’s playing and writing is instinctual,” adds Jonathan Wilson, a friend and peer who’s advised Styles on backing and session musicians. “He understands history and where to take the torch. You can see the thread of great British performers — from Bolan to Bowie — in his music.”

Also shaping his musical DNA was Manchester itself, the site of a 23,500-seat arena, dubbed Co-op Live, for which Styles is an investor and adviser. Oak View Group, a company specializing in live entertainment and global sports that was founded by Tim Leiweke and Irving Azoff in 2015 (Jeffrey Azoff, Irving’s son, represents Styles at Full Stop Management), is leading the effort to construct the venue. The project gained planning approval in September and is set to open in 2023, with its arrival representing a £350 million ($455 million) investment in the city. (Worth noting: Manchester is already home to an arena — the site of a 2017 bombing outside an Ariana Grande concert — and a football stadium, where One Love Manchester, an all-star benefit show to raise money for victims of the terrorist attack, took place.)

“I went to my first shows in Manchester,” Styles says of concerts paid for with money earned delivering newspapers for a supermarket called the Co-op. “My friends and I would go in on weekends. There’s so many amazing small venues, and music is such a massive part of the city. I think Manchester deserves it. It feels like a full-circle, coming-home thing to be doing this and to be able to give any kind of input. I’m incredibly proud. Hopefully they’ll let me play there at some point.”

Though Styles has owned properties in Los Angeles, his base for the foreseeable future is London. “I feel like my relationship with L.A. has changed a lot,” he explains. “I’ve kind of accepted that I don’t have to live here anymore; for a while I felt like I was supposed to. Like it meant things were going well. This happened, then you move to L.A.! But I don’t really want to.”

Is it any wonder? Between COVID and the turmoil in the U.S. spurred by the presidential election, Styles, like some 79 million American voters, is recovering from sticker shock over the bill of goods sold to them by the concept of democracy. “In general, as people, there’s a lack of empathy,” he observes. “We found this place that’s so divisive. We just don’t listen to each other anymore. And that’s quite scary.”

That belief prompted Styles to speak out publicly in the wake of George Floyd’s death. As protests in support of Black Lives Matter took to streets all over the world, for Styles, it triggered a period of introspection, as marked by an Instagram message (liked by 2.7 million users and counting) in which he declared: “I do things every day without fear, because I am privileged, and I am privileged every day because I am white. … Being not racist is not enough, we must be anti racist. Social change is enacted when a society mobilizes. I stand in solidarity with all of those protesting. I’m donating to help post bail for arrested organizers. Look inwards, educate yourself and others. LISTEN, READ, SHARE, DONATE and VOTE. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. BLACK LIVES MATTER.”

“Talking about race can be really uncomfortable for everyone,” Styles elaborates. “I had a realization that my own comfort in the conversation has nothing to do with the problem — like that’s not enough of a reason to not have a conversation. Looking back, I don’t think I’ve been outspoken enough in the past. Using that feeling has pushed me forward to being open and ready to learn. … How can I ensure from my side that in 20 years, the right things are still being done and the right people are getting the right opportunities? That it’s not a passing thing?”

His own record company — and corporate parent Sony Music Group, whose chairman, Rob Stringer, signed Styles in 2016 — has been grappling with these same questions as the industry has faced its own reckoning with race. At issue: inequality among the upper ranks (an oft-cited statistic: popular music is 80% Black, but the music business is 80% white); contracts rooted in a decades-old system that many say is set up to take advantage of artists, Black artists more unfairly than white; and the call for a return of master rights, an ownership model that is at the core of the business.

Styles acknowledges the fundamental imbalance in how a major label deal is structured — the record company takes on the financial risk while the artist is made to recoup money spent on the project before the act is considered profitable and earning royalties (typically at a 15% to 18% rate for the artist, while the label keeps and disburses the rest). “Historically, I can’t think of any industry that’s benefited more off of Black culture than music,” he says. “There are discussions that need to happen about this long history of not being paid fairly. It’s a time for listening, and hopefully, people will come out humbled, educated and willing to learn and change.”

By all accounts, Styles is a voracious reader, a movie lover and an aesthete. He stays in shape by adhering to a strict daily exercise routine. “I tried to keep up but didn’t last more than two weeks,” says Hull, Styles’ producer, with a laugh. “The discipline is terrifying.”

Of course, with the fashion world beckoning — Styles recently appeared in a film series for Gucci’s new collection that was co-directed by the fashion house’s creative director, Alessandro Michele, and Oscar winner Gus Van Sant — and a movie that’s set in the 1950s, maintaining that physique is part of the job. And he’s no stranger to visual continuity after appearing in Christopher Nolan’s epic “Dunkirk” and having to return to set for reshoots; his hair, which needed to be cut back to its circa 1940 form, is a constant topic of conversation among fans. This time, it’s the ink that poses a challenge. By Styles’ tally, he’s up to 60 tattoos, which require an hour in the makeup chair to cover up. “It’s the only time I really regret getting tattooed,” he says.

He shows no regret, however, when it comes to stylistic choices overall, and takes pride in his gender-agnostic portfolio, which includes wearing a Gucci dress on that Vogue cover— an image that incited conservative pundit Candace Owens to plead publicly to “bring back manly men.” In Styles’ view: “To not wear [something] because it’s females’ clothing, you shut out a whole world of great clothes. And I think what’s exciting about right now is you can wear what you like. It doesn’t have to be X or Y. Those lines are becoming more and more blurred.”

But acclaim, if you can believe it, is not top of mind for Styles. As far as the Grammys are concerned, Styles shrugs, “It’s never why I do anything.” His team and longtime label, however, had their hearts set on a showing at the Jan. 31 ceremony. Their investment in Styles has been substantial — not just monetarily but in carefully crafting his career in the wake of such icons as David Bowie, who released his final albums with the label. Hope at the company and in many fans’ hearts that Styles would receive an album of the year nomination did not come to pass. However, he was recognized in three categories, including best pop vocal album.

“It’s always nice to know that people like what you’re doing, but ultimately — and especially working in a subjective field — I don’t put too much weight on that stuff,” Styles says. “I think it’s important when making any kind of art to remove the ego from it.” Citing the painter Matisse, he adds: “It’s about the work that you do when you’re not expecting any applause.”

#harry styles #variety #021220

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vercopaanir · 5 years ago

Text

Go to Sleep

The Lovely Moons, Chapter 2

Pairing: The Mandalorian x (female) blind!Reader

Warning: Mentions of surgery, but it’s not graphic.

Word Count: 4.5k

A/N: Part 2 after Keep Up! This series is now called The Lovely Moons, and these are also on AO3. My name on there is missbluebonnets. I have a Javier x Reader story that’s on the back burner right now, but I do eventually want to put it up as well. Thank you to everyone who’s been so responsive. It’s given me a lot of courage and motivation!

Once, when you were a child and still had your vision, you had fallen from a window of a second story and broke your arm in a horrible way. It had taken months to heal, the bones having nearly shattered on impact. It still sometimes ached in the cold, as if the injury hadn’t completely healed and the delicate bones of your right limb were trying to knit themselves together again. You doubted the veracity of the feeling, because feelings are so very often wrong, but having the chip removed from your body and the lost feeling it left behind was truer than anything else you’d ever felt.

It was as if the tiny bit of wiring and metal had held a part of you inside it, rather than the other way around. Once it was removed and the small incision was closed, you felt bereft. You expected the opposite, and as you listened to tools clinking quietly and the wind whistling outside the tent, melancholy threatened to overtake you.

Freedom came at the price of abandoning the familiar. You could not (would not) be ungrateful, but there was something to be said for being anchored, for knowing what would come next. Now you were left floating and unsure of the future, and you blinked away a small tear.

Kuiil, the abrupt but not unkind Uganaught with steady hands, had not said much during the short duration of the procedure. There was no pain, and you barely felt him work, even when he made the incision at the base of your neck. But what he did say left you softened and comforted.

“I worked three human lifetimes to free myself from servitude,” he said, resting one hand on your shoulder as you kept your head bowed forward. You didn’t feel as if you were placing your life in someone’s hands. In fact, seated on the stool with your hair pulled forward on either side of your face, you thought of your mother, braiding your hair by the fire when you were a girl. “It is not an easy path.”

Your mouth felt dry. “There are others who have known more cruelty than me.”

Entire races and clans had been subjected to atrocities, and you felt suddenly small and undeserving of the kindness being performed. Why were you chosen, out of a cantina full of others who were subjected to unkindness? You had been the only slave, but you could not think of a good enough reason the Mandalorian would ask for you.

“Suffering does not judge its hosts,” Kuiil said, turning your shoulder so you were angled better as he worked. “The pain of another does not diminish your own.”

You had nothing to say to that, and you sat in humble silence. Something told you he had that effect on people. He placed a small bandage at the back of your neck, and when he deemed it finished, you gently pushed your hair back over both shoulders. Yes, that odd feeling was there, in your head, like you’d lost something important and couldn’t quite remember what it was.

Turning on the stool, you inclined your head down, only barely able to make out the shape of your new acquaintance. “Thank you, Kuiil. I owe you a great debt for this.”

“You do not owe anything to anyone, including myself. I have spoken.”

A gentle frown changed your otherwise placid features, but you were distracted by a quiet baritone asking from under a helmet, “How do you feel?”

The question, and the presence of the Mandalorian, startled you. You had not thought he was inside the tent, having retrieved a crate of some kind and moving outside into the night air. But now, he seemed very close, and you considered the question, unsure how to form a response.

“Lighter,” you finally said, deciding it to be the closest to the truth.

“That thing doesn’t have a tracking code on it, right?” the Mandalorian asked, his voice directed towards the Uganaught. You went to touch the back of your neck where the bandage lay, stiff and thick with gauze, but a leather glove caught your hand and pushed it back down. “Stop trying to mess with it.”

It surprised you so much your mouth dropped open indignantly.

“It no longer receives a signal now that it has been neutralized. It is an old model of transmitter,” Kuiil said, coming back towards you and pressing the small glass and wire bit into your hand. “They were outlawed, but not impossible to find.”

Your fingers turned the small implant over, frowning more in curiosity.

“Are you now looking for two homes? A second clan to locate?” Kuiil asked, moving around the tent once more. Did he get visitors often, out in what felt like the middle of nowhere? “One for the child and one for your companion?”

You slipped the dead transmitter into your pocket and let your hands rest in your lap, perking up at the mention of the child.

“What child?”

There is a long sigh of annoyance from the Mandalorian who now leans against the work bench you sit beside. “No. Just the one. She is going to care for the child on my ship.”

As if choosing now to be the most opportune time, a docile coo floated into the tent, and you recognized such a sound. What you weren’t expecting was such a small shadow-so tiny, it didn’t even reach your knee!-to waddle up to you and fall against your leg. Your heart squeezed painfully, and you looked down to try and make out more of it in the dim lighting of the tent, reaching out a hand.

The child was not human, you knew immediately. Two small hands with only three fingers on each took hold of your pointer and middle digits, squeezing gently and gurgling happily at the attention. You waited, letting the baby tug your hand and sniff your palm. He had big eyes, you thought, when he pressed his face into your hand, and a small nose. It was when you reached down with your other hand to pick him up that you noticed something else.

“Oh my,” you laughed, touching two large petal shaped ears. They perked up and down as you stroked them, and he cooed again if trying to tell you he appreciated the doting. You found yourself smiling at the sweet noises the baby made, patting at your robes and nuzzling against your arm.

“It is a good choice,” Kuiil finally said. You’d almost forgotten that he and the Mandalorian were even there. “Now you won’t be remiss when you leave him alone. As you are often wont to do.”

Another long sigh forced its way through the modulator, and you frowned, looking up towards the sound. “You leave your son alone? That’s very unwise.”

The Mandalorian grunts sharply, “Tell me about it.”

You sense a story-or perhaps more than a few-behind the words, but the child trills up at you, tugging your hair playfully.

“Don’t do that,” the Mandalorian scolds with a huff, sounding more concerned than annoyed. You suspect he’s never cared for a child before.

“He’s only a baby. He just wants to play,” you say patiently, leaning down until your brow brushes the top of his fuzzy head. It tickles against your skin, and you smile when he burbles curiously, brushing your cheeks with tiny fists grasping bits of your hair. “What is his name?”

There’s a definitive pause before the Mandalorian says, “He hasn’t got one.”

“Oh,” you murmur, lifting him up more securely in your arms. Some cultures did not name their young when they were born, you knew. Was that...a Mandalorian edict? You were interested, but it felt too personal to ask such a thing. The child is still touching your chin and jaw, fascinated with you. “I have not cared for children in some time,” you confess, frowning softly. “Though it’s not exactly something you forget.”

Kuiil has turned away, because he sounds farther than you remembered. “In your life, before now?”

You think to the large estate you served on, before the cantina owner bought you. “Human children, yes,” you admitted, inclining your head towards the child. You could swaddle babies, feed them and keep them happy-it felt so easy, back then, when you had more to smile about. Now, you felt the child you held was the reason for your smile, and it gave you an odd sense of vertigo, holding such innocence against your chest. “I doubt there are too many differences.”

“Just try to keep him away from frogs,” the child’s guardian muttered, making you raise an eyebrow.

“It is a good choice,” Kuiil repeated, moving dishes and rattling cups. His voice was so reassuring, and even though you weren’t entirely sure what he was referring to, you knew him to be true. It reminded you of the kind smile of an older woman with silver hair, more elegant than the moon that you had left behind. “Now he will never be alone.”

It made you wonder, much later, who he was truly speaking of.

“Come on, let’s go for a little walk,” you tell the baby, feeling restless and confused after your procedure. You are thankful neither man chose to follow, because your throat is growing a bit sore from talking. Or perhaps it’s just tight from swallowing down so much feeling.

You follow the sounds of animals, your pace lazy and purposeless. The child coos with content, and you tilt your head when he begins to wriggle at the sound of frogs nearby. You had not expected to be given employment, to be of use. As dizzying as your liberation left you, this new purpose gave you a stronger spine. You stood taller, your hands sure once again.

This you knew how to do. To be kind, to care for someone. This you were good at.

Had the Mandalorian known that? You frown in thought, shifting the child to your side before slipping your hand into the pocket of your robe. The trigger he’d given you sat heavy in your palm now, connected to nothing and no one. You glanced down at the child, who you could sense staring up at you.

Dropping the small device, you bring your heel down hard, breaking it against the dusty earth. It shattered with a satisfying crack, and you swayed the baby in your arms gently. “I knew a baby as sweet as you, once,” you tell him softly, turning your path closer to the sounds of animals. There were snorts and tired grunts, and you wondered what they could be. Some kind of cattle, perhaps. “But that was a long time ago.”

Your boot bumped the edge of a pen, and you reached out with your hand to follow the perimeter of it. The baby in your memory had not lived to see its first year, sickly and weak, and you hug the child a little closer. The sadness you had felt, been nearly sick with it, had found you crying into the lap of your own guardian.

You hum as you walk, a gentle sway that hits the beat of the melody you sing wordlessly. The baby slows his wriggling even as the frogs chirp into the night air, and by the time you’ve rounded the animal pen, you’re holding a deeply sleeping infant.

Bootsteps crunch at the rocky terrain as they approach you, and you tilt your head up towards the Mandalorian. Footfalls were easy identifiers for you, nearly as unique as a fingerprint. “Kuiil has made you some food,” he says, his modulator making his words seem even more hushed. He takes a few more steps, and you feel leather gloves gently slipping around the baby’s tiny form, lifting him from your arms.

There’s a sudden chill where he’d cuddled into your embrace, and you let your arms drop to your sides. “That’s very kind of him.”

“He likes you.” The words are said with a small amount of wonder, and you bow your head, following him as he turns toward the Uganaught’s tent.

“I like him, too.”

The Mandalorian lets you pass him, but you don’t miss the way he murmurs with a softened pride, “Everyone does.”

You realize, then, that you were not speaking of Kuiil, and you can’t help but blush.

The food is humble, warm, and filling, and even though you had slept on the ship, you feel your eyes begin to grow heavy. The Uganaught and Mandalorian speak quietly about upgrades and repairs his ship requires, and you stand and carefully gather your dishes, taking them to the counter. It only takes you a moment to find a sink to clean them in, hands smoothing over different canisters and utensils. When you are finished, you’re aware the conversation behind you has stopped.

“Where is the child?” you ask, returning to your seat.

As an answer, you feel your employer shift across from you until something gently bumps your arm. You blink, holding a hand out to tentatively find a smooth surface, dome in shape and floating beside you. Kuiil shows you how to open the pram manually, should the child’s guardian be away, and explains how it’s programmed to his communicator to follow.

You touch the closed lid of the pram, wondering how on earth it all came to be. “You said you’re looking for the child’s family. So you are not…?”

There’s a frigid silence across the table for a beat, but then you hear a sharp thump and answering grunt. When he spoke, the warrior’s voice was low and guarded. “By creed, until it is of age or reunited with its own kind, it is in my care.”

There’s an ache in your chest when he speaks, not from the words themselves, but the tone is that of a father. You can remember your own, speaking that way once, a mixture of valiance and fear that came with loving someone so deeply.

Kuiil began to tell you the story of how he came upon the Mandalorian, his search as a bounty hunter for the asset that he came to protect. It sounded like a story, something someone would make up to entertain small children near a fireside, and you were just as captivated by it as a little one would be.

But a yawn that you tried to force down brought the tale to an abrupt end.

“You must rest,” the Uganaught told you sternly, standing from the table.

A frown curved your face, and you grumbled, “I slept already-”

“Show her to the cot in the back, since you have nothing else to do,” Kuiil threw over his shoulder to the seated warrior, and you had to fight a smile at the answering grunt. The Mandalorian was not used to being bossed about, that much was obvious, but it was both amusing and endearing to see him follow orders from the Uganaught so succinctly.

A gentle shift of armor and fabric brought him to your side, and you stood up and followed the few paces deeper into the tent where it was nearly black with darkness. You reached out a hand, hoping to find something stable to tell you where you were.

“To your right.”

You sat down gently, finding the mattress less comfortable than the bunk on the ship. Though, you weren’t sure you could call that one comfortable either. Your body was quickly sinking into exhaustion, though, and you moved until you lay back, folding your hands primly. You’d assumed at that point that your employer had removed himself, but then you heard a deep sigh as he plopped down beside the cot on the ground.

“W-What are you doing?”

There was a pause before he answered with a tired mutter. “I’m going to sleep.”

You turned onto your side, gauging where he lay on the floor just beside the cot. You tilted your head over the side, wishing you could make out his shape. “Don’t you want a pillow? Or a blanket?”

“Go to sleep.”

“But where’s the baby?”

“Sleeping.” He sounded more tired than you felt, but he somehow still managed to work a bit of irritation into his tone.

“I mean-”

There was a louder, gruffer sigh this time. “If he wakes up, you’ll know. Now be quiet.”

He was certainly right about that. You weren’t sure how long you’d been asleep, but it felt like an awfully long time. Your eyes fluttered open when you felt something tickling your hand, which hung off the side of the cot. Morning light seemed to wash the tent of the darkness from the night before, and you made out the tiny green creature looking up at you, holding your hand. He stood balanced on the chest plate of his softly snoring guardian. The baby cooed and bumped his head against your arm, and you found yourself smiling, cheek pressed to the edge of the cot.

“Hello,” you whisper, voice hoarse but feeling renewed. Sometime in the night, confusion and uncertainty disappeared and were replaced with an odd peace. You had a place now, a purpose, and it was tugging on your sleeve and gurgling happily.

Shifting as quietly as you could, you leaned down and picked the baby up, bringing him up onto the cot with you. Several thoughts fluttered through your mind as you woke, mostly wondering what to feed the little one currently crawling along your bed, puffing sweetly as he explored the space.

Once you were fully awake, you shifted on the cot just enough to step over the Mandalorian. You froze when his breathing hitched, afraid you’d woken him up. The floor couldn’t be comfortable, but as a warrior, you suspected sleep on the floor was probably better than none at all. You waited, listening for the sound of a stern reprimand, but instead, after another moment, his gentle breathing through the modulator had you relaxing.

Before you left, you reached for the blanket on the cot, tugging it until it fell over the armored guardian on the floor. You tiptoed with the baby through the tent, only bouncing him to make him giggle once you’d stepped outside. In the bright light of the day, you could roughly make out the animal pen where you could see movement.

“Good morning,” you called to Kuiil, making your way over. The Uganaught was throwing bushels over the fence, and you could make out the larger-much larger-animals on the other side crowding to get their fair share. “I think it’s time for his breakfast. He woke me up. May I help you?”

“The child is an early riser,” Kuiil said, throwing another bushel of all manner of plants over the fence. Each one was bound with twine and held various types of desert flora. It landed on the ground before being torn apart by one of the animals who chomped at the herbs and shrubs loudly. You set the baby down beside you before kneeling down and grabbing one of the many groupings, tossing it over. “Where is his father?”

The label makes you smile, wondering what the Mandalorian would say if he heard it. “Still sleeping. He seemed like he might need it.”

“Growing slow in his old age,” Kuiil snorted, and you smiled at his chastisement, picking up another bushel. “But sleep in safety is the most restorative.”

You both worked in quiet for a while, the baby waddling over to lean against the fence just beside you to watch the large beasts eat. Kuiil described the blurrgs, even going on to tell you how he’d caught and tamed his first when he came to Avarla-7 to become a vapor farmer. By the time you were finished feeding the blurrg, you boasted a light sheen of sweat, and he sent you back to the tent with instructions on where to find bread and meat for the baby.

The little one toddled beside you, and you could feel his tiny claw holding onto the skirts of your robes. You measured your steps, making sure you didn’t pass him, and by the time you made it into the tent, the Mandalorian was awake.

Unfortunately, he seemed to have just woken up, because he spun around with such violence you gasped and stumbled back a step, overturning the baby. Immediately, the child fell over with a whimper.

“Oh, no, it’s alright,” you whispered, kneeling down quickly to gather him into your arms. The little noises he made as he tugged at your robe made your heart squeeze. “I’m sorry, please don’t cry.”

“I-Is he okay?” The worry in the Mandalorian’s voice touched you in a way you hadn’t experienced before, and when he stepped closer, you had to breathe through the shivery feeling climbing up your back to focus on the baby in your arms.

“I think so. Just startled,” you murmur, tracing the furrow on the child’s brow as he whimpered. You curved your index finger and bumped your knuckle against his mouth, smiling when he immediately began nibbling. “And hungry.”

“Oh.” The Mandalorian seemed to radiate determination, and he swung around as if on a mission.

You moved towards the table, sitting down gently, and gave soft directions where Kuiil said he kept the fresh bread and cured meat. You listened to the sounds of dishes and knives clanking about, and when the child’s guardian approached you, he set a plate by your elbow on the table.

“Look at that,” you coo to the baby, letting him sit upright in your lap. He was happy to feed himself, you found, and the sounds of his quiet munching eased your worry. Your fingers drifted over the plate, barely hovering over the food, and you incline your head. “This is a lot for such a little thing.”

“It’s for you, too,” he murmured, sitting across from you.

That surprised you, and you felt once more humbled by the kindness. A thought occurred to you, imagining his helmet and the creed he has sworn. “And have you eaten?” you ask, gently tearing off bites of the bread and eating them. He’d put butter on it, too, and it tasted sweet melting on your tongue.

“Yes.”

The three of you sit in comfortable silence, you eating bread and butter while the child eats what seem to be diced cubes of meat. A rather loud little belch signals he’s finished, and you cover your mouth to squash the giggle. You wonder if the Mandalorian smiles or laughs, if he watches the child with fondness.

He must, you decide, as he takes the plate away.

It is nearly midday by the time you give your goodbyes to Kuiil. The child sits, perched in his pram while the Uganaught pats his head between his ears. When he turns to you, you offer your hand and smile when he takes it.

“Thank you, for everything.” You aren’t sure when the tears pricked your eyes, but you blink them away as hard as you can so they won’t fall when you press a kiss to his cheek.

Kuiil shifts, squeezing your hand before patting it with his other. “Should you grow tired of this Mandalorian, you will always have a place here.”

The two males did not say anything to one another, but you didn’t miss the way the armored warrior inclined his head in deference to his friend. For they were friends, you knew now.

The warmth blooming in your breast left you glowing, even long after you departed towards the Razor Crest. It was a quiet walk, which you were grateful for, mulling over the events of the last day. You waited as the ramp lowered, the hatch opening on the ship, but the Mandalorian suddenly stopped you with a hand.

His other made a sweeping motion, and you could make out the dim outline of the pram being shuttled up the ramp. He turned to you, then, two fingers hooking on the belt slung around his hips that held weapons.

“Before we do this,” he says evenly, voice low and guarded. “I need to know something.”

Your eyebrows went up, heart doubling in pace. You clasped your hands in front of you, nodding once. “Alright.”

“Who are you loyal to?”

The question threw you, and you felt your mouth opening and closing as you grasped for something to say. The afternoon breeze ruffled his cape and your robe, and those were the only sounds in all the world, it seemed. When he didn’t qualify with anything, you shook your head.

“I don’t understand.”

He stepped closer, and you could see the gleam of the sun on his beskar chestplate. It wasn’t threatening, but it was intimidating. You couldn’t help it when you took a step backward. “Your accent betrays you,” the Mandalorian finally said after a long moment. “Kuiil noticed it, too. The way you speak...you’re gently bred. Educated. The planet you must have come from was full of the Empire.”

The pieces began to fall into place as his words nicked you. “Oh.”

He shifted, taking another step closer, but this time you didn’t back away. “I need to know the truth of you before I let you near the child.”

“I’ve already been near him,” you point out weakly.

“Alone.”

A sigh escapes you, and you nod. “Very well,” you murmur, thoughtful. You consider what to tell him, how to word the truth without garnering pity or suspicion. “My loyalty was bought when I was a child, as a slave to a household of an Imperial family. They...that is, there were no children.” When he said nothing, you flexed your fingers. “She could not…”

“So you are a foundling?”

You raised your eyes at the softness of his tone, surprised. “They killed my family,” you said, just as softly, trying to imagine your mother and father. Their faces were almost gone from your memory. “I was young, taken to be a handmaiden for the Imperial’s wife. She wanted a daughter, more than a servant.”

The revelation didn’t seem to comfort him much, but you weren’t trying to do that. The truth is what he wanted, wasn’t it? You think for a long moment, whether or not to tell him everything. Was it necessary? Would he care?

“The Empire has a bounty on me and the child,” he finally told you, tilting his head. “You should know that I will not hesitate to protect him, no matter the cost.”

His implication could not have been louder if he’d screamed it. Then again, you already understood your place and purpose if you were to board his ship, so it was easy to accept. Even easier, since you felt for the child, yourself.

“You should know, then, that I would not stop you.” The wind blew a bit more, causing your hair to float over your shoulder. Your fingers flexed, and you dropped your hands to your sides. “I would not see another child fall into the hands of the Empire from bloodshed.”

The silence that fell between you was devoid of the previous tension. Before you can question if you’ve passed this test of his, you feel the leather clad fingers of his hand gently take one of your own, and you suck in a breath.

“Careful,” he murmurs, stepping aside so you can follow him up the ramp. “It’s a steep walk up.”

Tagged: @itzagoodthing

#the mandalorian x reader #the mandalorian x you #the mandalorian fanfiction #din djarin x you #din djarin x reader #din djarin gets picked on by dad kuiil

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hldailyupdate · 4 years ago

Text

This Charming Man: Why We’re Wild About Harry Styles

Variety’s Grammy-nominated Hitmaker of the Year goes deep on the music industry, the great pause and finding his own muses.

Styles has plainly thought about this.

Harry for Variety. (2 December 2020)

#harry styles #harry update #article #variety #hldaily #December 2020

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24-guy · 3 years ago

Text

I spent 2 hours on writing notes from the prison podcast stream.

Now I don’t know what to do with them, so I’m putting them here.

No need to read them, there is just some interesting stuff I noticed, things like tones and how many times somethings are brought up.

if you do, though, I apologize for spelling errors.

start stream

techno "did the calculations" on how long it would take to mine obsidian with the amount of mining fatigue they had. we knoe this is true.

dream has been writing, it is the only thing hes been able to do with the limited items he has. its his "diary"

techno teases over fanfics on wattpad

"the only thing ive written is my diary" do the revive books not count, then? or what is in the revive books that isnt writing?

techno focuses on that nobody is watching - dream doesnt comment on it - dream doesnt know about the voices?

techno is supposed to break dream out, but he hasnt got many ideas "ill get to it later"

techno enjoys prison - sees it as a vacation

techno has an optimistic outlook.

go with the flow

dream sees harming himself as exhillerating techno disaprooves

dream tells techno quackity has been torturing him everyday. techno is only surprised by the every day part

dream mentions the revive book techno remembers being told about that asks "yeah you can bring people back from the dead. yeah so how do you do that" - curious tone, seems genuinely interested for innocent meanings dream responds " i have.. the knowledge and then i get a book and then i burn it" - hesitant at first, then vague but seemingly honest reponse

techno asks what the knowledge is, incantation/password/expelliarmus dream says "something like that" slowly, then quickly says he doesnt know and that he "doesnt know how schlatt had it" - going away from the topic original book - there are more than one it is a book is what youre saying - t well... i mean, it was a book that i memorised and that now i can recreate - d techno tries again to get the knowledge he wants to revive people dream doesnt want to tell techno because he wouldnt be the only one who knew techno tries to bargain saying that if dream died, techno coulld bring him bacl dream knows they wont kill him because he can revive people

dream says no, techno says "you forgot how to write it down didnt you dream says he didnt, that he did it recently, techno repeats again that dream forgot brings up wattpad again. dream says he wrote it down for tommy. he doesnt mention wilbur to techno. bring up the homeless situaation prison is dreams house cell is boiling apparently makes a joke about cali rent prices

nobody visited the cell "we stopped anarcy" "when we get out of here" no though ahead going into this situation (techno) "just as far as i need to" dream doesnt know what techno means by stream schedule, techno jokes about dream's lack of schedual techno usually trains always looking for new combat, reasearching constant arms race no idea when a government will arise or opressing people is always prepared has a good amount of gear he also plays golf somewhere offers a game with dream no way to describe it somewhere farther than his house

dream asks about tommy techno hasnt seen him canonically, only knows he stole acouple months ago - as far as he tells dream

dream asks about carl carl is doing well

dream asks about the family its doing good, apparently, new foxes, got steve who will break him out dream writes about steve "i will write evrrything down because its hard to remember" another fanfic joke

dream asks whos feeding them they feed themselves its probably fine

milld break for 4 wall break

gist or jist

prison podcast offers, agrees that is all this is

technical difficulties

podcast bros

eating potato

dream offers his thoughts on what would happen of he tried to revive somebody who is alive two technoblades human meat sheild

dream wants to try no death first what could go wrong nothing else to do

techno house is man vs nature conflict floor has ants floof brings ants spilled pet food dream has a revivebook techno tries to read it first hit with book a small wait throw into lava DreamXD joins broke the table fixed table a god dream "cloned himsef" god looks exactly like dream feels like a question to ask earlier dream summoned dreamxd ask for wish ask for bell dream gets mad because no escape dreamxd leaves sellout timer goes off techno makes money as dream questions his life dream sits in corner hole techno aims to be annoying we count channel members for a bit

dream and techno friend bonding time?

summons dreamxd for reviving nobody dream writes this in his diary as techno rings bell tries again, it doesnt work creative mode is a known thing by mortals they know how deadly it is

warden on vacation

techno hasnt written anything he has at least 4 books in his inventory, going from the top 2nd space to the top 5th space. the fourth book is called information and is signed by dream. dream throws a potato in the lava techno asks for the revive book again, this time to see of dreamxd will come back because it is a different person summoning him dream says no

techno needs a bell to sell out for the *brand*, ritual and tradition dream put the bell in church prime no twitch primes for dream - hes a heratic (no contract) dream makes no profit dream has lots of raw potatos for 5-6 months

techno asks if dream has any friends dream says not really, they turned against him techno knows the feeling being betrayed by closest friend happens every tuesday for techno

dream mentions being visited by a few people techno asks if any tried not to torture or kill him dream says yeah like he wasnt expecting the question/(as techno put it) "he hesitated"

sapnap - didnt torture or kill him - but he said if dream got out of there, then he would - techno says hes gotta raise his standards

bad - was the best - treated dream the best - techno says hes a cult leader - dream is surprised so techno tells him about the egg - techno wasnt clear - bad hasnt viseted since 4-5 months ago - techno says even he has friends - egg was attacked - big crossover episode not clear what is going on

techno - last time they saw each other was dooms day - been a while - lot has happened - techno doesnt now whats going on currently on the server - he knows nothing - "people" tell him who died and who came back

tubbo - asks about tubbo - tubbo is chillng - snowchester named - commune - a little sus - dictator - no rushing to conclusions - tubbo has nukes - big crater - a hoby - could be meteor

ranboo - asks about ranboo - ranboo is also chilling - brings up tubo's nukes now

dream points out that techno said he didnt know anyting and then said about a new place, nukes, and a lot more dream doesnt know anything - less than techno

ranboo (again) - dream says he used to visit a while ago and then stopped coming - techno asks "ranboo used to visit?" - ranboo visited "a bit" - probably visited the most - sapnap visited - tommy visited a couple of times - bad visited - and quackity - quackity visited the most, only because hes visited daily

more potatos pog potatos

ranboo (x3) - techno asks how dream knows ranboo - "um... its just a.. long story" - techno replies sarcastically about how they dont have any time to go through it, theyre so busy with the bell - dream "i dont know him very well. he just visited a few times and that was it." - techno just repeats alright, its either bored or thinking - dream "and then i havent seen him since then so thats why i was wondering where hes been, if hes been around" - techno " ah... im not sure. i havent been around fpr like the past couple of months, honestly."

techno went on atraining montage, played golf

dream asks about the plan to get out mining fatigue 3 doesnt mean they cant break blocks, its just approximately 370 times longer breaking obsidian takes a bit over 4 minutes math = obsidian block gone in 25.7 hours. an alarm break in the right spot break block in toilet elder guardian below the cell techno can take him if techno somehow dies dream brings him back could be out in 2 weeks havent been visited for 2 weeks nothing to lose dream has to break obsidian techno wants to end stream techno came up with idea so dream has to do it dream starts bell ringing for cheerng him on techno sounds happy that dream is doing it voices are mentioned - theyre laughing techno has perfect track of time techno is gonna annoy dream the entire time techno is a lookout there are only 4 books we only see the 4th name floof interrupts momentarily tommy killed a cat because dream liked it 300 dogs in the cell joke

channel member bell dream regrets his life again techo's plan? bell was a better investment dream has 10 bells in e chest techno doesnt techno wanted to go for more so techno could ring bell again

end of stream

#technoblade #dream smp #dsmp #dsmp techno #dsmp dream #dreamwastaken #prison podcast #dsmp prison #dsmp lore

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marunalu · 4 years ago

Note

Regarding that message you left at stupiidcupud's post: As a minor who has been groomed and sexually abused in the past let me tell you, you are a fucking moron. Fuck you. You should be embarrassed for supporting pedophilia, even if it is fictional.

And you should be embarrassed for bulling real people on the internet bc over a stupid fictional ship and supporting suicide baiting them! Im sorry something like that happed to you, Im really am, but I wont allow people who dont know me to call me a pedophil, espicially bc Im also a victim of sexuell abuse as a 14-16 year old teenager. You are not even brave enough and show your true blog name instead you go anonym! I tell you something now so listen carefully: there is NO sessrin shipper who ships sess with a child rin. People ship sess with an ADULT rin. And thats what the show gave us: rin as an adult! The timeline of the show confirms that rin was at least 17 years old when she got the twins, SAME age as sango when she gave birth to her girls but no one of you bats an eye bc of that. Meanwhile rumiko confirmed sess is 19 in human age. Inuyasha is a japanese fairytale in feudal japan and things back then were different. Back then you were an adult as soon as you got your period. So and now I want you to show me WHERE AND WHEN sesshoumaru ever acted like a pedophil or child groomer in the anime/manga! Show me the EXACT manga page/episode in which he thinks “I want to fuck her“ or “hmm lets wait till she is old enough to bang her“ SHOW ME! If you can show me I will apologize. But I tell you something: you cant! Bc he never saw her in an sexuell or romantic way! Never! He fell in love with her when she was old enough to make HER OWN decisions! Like he always allowed to! “Rin!“ “Yes?“ “Do what you want!“ “Yes!“

Again sessrin shippers ship ADULT rin with sess and its their fucking right to ship whatever they want, bc you know what? ITS A FUCKING ANIME! TWO FICTIONAL CHARACTERS CREATED FROM A BUNCH OF DRAWN LINES! And out there are asshole antis who didnt got their sess/kagu ship, who tell sessrin shippers, REAL PEOPLE, to KILL themself! Including children and teenagers like my 11 year old cousin who ships sessrin! Im sorry but you people who think like that and tell other people to kill themself are a pile of dogshit! You brag about just wanting to protect poor rin (not a real person) from her predator, but you GIVE A SHIT about real people including real children bc otherwise you guys wouldnt say “I wish all sessrin shippers to die“ This is disgusting as fuck! Sessrin shippers are real people! With familys, friends and a life! And you guys are here insulting us, suicide forcing us and shaming us over shipping a bunch of lines!

There is a very easy solution for every anti sessrin shipper out there: dont like what you see? It makes you uncomfortable? It givesyou bad memories? Fine drop the show and try to find something that brings you happiness and joy, espicially not a show that takes place in feudal japan or has romantic relationships with long age gasps, if things like that triggers you! If you cant stomach that japans culture is different then yours (whereever you live) then maybe you should stay away from anything that is related to anime/manga bc honestly japanese people give a fuck about you and your feelings. Dont like it? Dont watch it! They LOVE storys about immortal beings falling in love with mortal beings.They love storys with long age gasps relationships! Respect their culture difference or leave! Stop watching yashahime and watch something different if you cant stomach it and leave other people, you dont know and just want to enjoy the show in peace and stop being a toxic asshole (antis in generell) and insult people, calling them horrible names and tell them to kill themself. If you still do, at least stop lying and say you care for children bc you clearly dont. If you would care, you would consider that there are also children who ship sessrin and you guys just told this REAL children TO KILL THEMSELF! And if you would care for real children, you would stop wasting your time here on tumblr bitching about something that is fictional and instead try to protect real children out there from pedophils and groomers!

Again Im sorry what happened to you and I dont wish something like that to anyone. I was sexuell abused to but the difference between us is that I can difference between fiction and real life.

You dont need to answer me I wont read it anyway bc the only thing you most likely will repeat is calling me “pedophile“ “child groomer“ and “fuck you“ and I heard that already. I made my point clear! People who tell other people to kill themself because of a fictional ship including children and teenagers, are disgusting human trash! I hope I made myself clear! Fell free to block me if you dont like what I say, I will ignore any attempts from you trying to contact me! Bye!

#sessrin #yashahime #inuyasha

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valdemart · 4 years ago

Text

A New Experiment (NSFW ValdemarxReader)

I made a nasty Valdemar fic because I’m 🎵Human Garbage🎵

It’s Valdemar so warnings for medical kink, mentions of gore (I don’t think its that intense), dead bodies, some swearing, and everything else that goes with everybody’s favorite Quaestor.

((I know hysterical paroxysm probably wasn’t actually a treatment or whatever, and time line wise it doesn’t really fit, but for the sake of this story I do not give a fuck. Do I want to romance the horrible demon doctor? Yes? Am I foolish enough to think it’s possible? Absolutely not. This is as good as it gets, fuckos, not being murdered maybe.))

To make it an entire year as a student doctor under Doctor Valdemar was previously unheard of. If the student didn’t vanish mysteriously never to be heard from again, they fled to another country and refused to talk about it. You, however, had done it and it hadn’t even been hard. As head doctor of the palace, Valdemar had no time for anything not related to science. All you had to do was focus on work while you were working and do everything they said immediately and correctly.

You had even managed to get a few compliments from them. They were not the type to hand out praise, but you had gotten ‘adequate work’ several times and even one ‘well done’.

There were a few ‘eccentricities’ to deal with, but what genius wasn’t a little bizarre? Another year or so working under them and no doubt you’d leave to become a brilliant surgeon.

After an entire year of hard work and dedication, you wouldn’t have thought that you’d undo it all with one little mistake, but isn’t that always how it happened?

The city morgue had apparently gotten a new delivery man; specifically, a tall, brown eyed delivery man with a roguishly handsome smile. You hadn’t had a lot of time for dating while attending medical school and, well, you were only human. You had to flirt with him a little bit. Despite him hauling around unclaimed corpses, he was in the mood to flirt a little too. Doctor Valdemar was engrossed in a project so you made small talk with the man while you counted the bodies and signed his delivery ledger. He told an unfunny joke and you giggled. It was harmless and didn’t interrupt your work at all. As soon as he left, you were back to work, categorizing the corpses based on possible causes of death to be examined further.

But, later, white cleaning various beakers and test tubes, your mind began to wander. You couldn’t help the big, stupid grin plastered to your face as you thought of the delivery man. He’d be by next week and maybe by then you would have the nerve to ask him to dinner. Or maybe he would ask you, wouldn’t that be something.

Valdemar called your name loudly and impatiently and you jumped. Had they said your name already without you hearing it? They did not like having to repeat themselves. In jumping, you had managed to knock two test tubes off the table. They broke with two quiet ‘tinks’ against the floor. You stared at them wide eyed for a moment before looking up. Doctor Valdemar was less than a foot away from you and frowning.

Shit…

You hadn’t ever broken anything before. The last person to break something had been an assistant and Doctor Valdemar had stepped on their hand while they were picking up the shards, driving the glass into their skin. That had made you conscientious about maintaining a firm grip on everything in the dungeon.

After a horrible, silent moment of staring, Valdemar smiled.

“Distracted today, are we? It wouldn’t have anything to do with that handsome man that was here earlier, would it?”

They weren’t yelling, but they often didn’t so there was no telling how mad Valdemar was right now.

“I’m so sorry, Doctor Valdemar. I’ll clean it up and get right back to work.”

“Leave it for now.”

This kind of thing didn’t happen to you. You were a professional, dammit. You had never gotten in trouble before and now Valdemar was going to make you eat those broken test tubes.

Valdemar turned to the only two other staff currently on and waved their hand at them.

“Leave us.”

They exchanged glances with one another and then shot you two helpless, sympathetic looks before climbing the stairs to the palace.

“Come join me at my desk for a moment, wont you?”

Your feet felt like lead as you dragged yourself to the desk in the middle of the dungeon. Valdemar sat down, but you waited for them to nod at you before you dared to take a seat. There was another endless moment of silence as they watched you over their steepled fingers.

“Was I right? We’re you thinking of that delivery boy?”

“Yes, Doctor.”

Of all the stupid things to get in trouble for.

“Seems even the good little humans lose their heads in the spring.”

This would be funny if it wasn’t so terrifying.

“Mating season and all.”

Maybe you’ll be the first student to be forgiven?

“When was the last time you had sex?”

Valdemar didn’t waste time mincing words. A forthright question like this was embarrassing but not uncommon.

“Oh, um, two years ago I believe, Doctor.”

“Hmm, I see. Do you masturbate often?”

Despite your fear, you couldn’t help your blush at that question.

“Um, not very, I don’t think, Doctor.”

“Quantify it.”

“Um, once or twice a month.”

“I see.”

This next span of silence really does go on forever. It’s almost as though Valdemar has no intention of speaking. Their unblinking gaze is too much to bear and you speak first.

“I’m so sorry, Doctor. I promise, it won’t happen again.”

“How?”

“P-Pardon?”

“How are you going to keep it from happening again?”

Well, you hadn’t expected that question. Usually, when you apologized to someone, they just accepted that you would do better.

“I, um, I’ll just-“

Valdemar stared at you while you stuttered, their passive face making it very clear that they could wait all day for an answer.

“I don’t want to disappoint you, Doctor. I’ll do better. I won’t get distracted anymore.”

“And how can you guarantee that? The human drive to mate is so primal. It’s so deeply embedded in your brain that it will almost certainly always win over logic. I don’t blame you for what you are, but I don’t trust you to be able to resolve it on your own. After all, you aren’t even a doctor yet, are you?”

Well, at least they weren’t angry. You weren’t sure what they had planned, but it wouldn’t be like that time they broke another assistant’s arm for preparing the wrong slice of a cadaver’s brain.

“I’ll do whatever you think I need to do, Doctor.”

They rose suddenly and silently, making you flinch slightly.

“I’m glad to hear you say that. It’s refreshing for someone to take responsibility instead of blubbering excuses. Although, I would expect nothing less from you.”

You watched Valdemar walk over to one of the metal exam tables and reach underneath to pull out the gynecological stirrups. A feeling of dread washed over you, but all you could think was how well you had oiled the stirrups, as they no longer squeaked when they were moved.

“It will be a simple treatment. Not invasive at all and so little blood,” Valdemar explained, steepling their fingers together again. “Now, please undress from the waist down and lie on the table.”

You didn’t move. You couldn’t. What the hell was Valdemar planning on doing to you? Cut you? Sew you up? Because you were distracted one time?! No! Please no! This couldn’t be happening! Not this!

“D-Doctor Valdemar, please, whatever you’re planning… I’m sorry! I’ll work twice as long just-“

You could try to run, but how far would you get? Valdemar was almost supernaturally graceful and quick and if they caught you, there would be Hell to pay.

Valdemar frowned but didn’t otherwise move. They were studying your face as though they were trying to read your thoughts and figure out why you weren’t obeying them.

“Are you afraid I’m going to mutilate your genitals? Really, now. Horny is one problem I can fix, but I can’t help you if you’ve gone stupid as well. If I carve you up, I lose my only capable assistant for days while you recover.”

Valdemar sounded annoyed, but there was the slightest bit of amusement in their tone. And while you desperately did not want to stall further and really anger them, the fear of the unknown medical procedure planned for you kept you frozen in place.

“Please tell me what you’re going to do.”

Your plea was raspy as you fought and failed to hold back tears, but to your great relief, Valdemar didn’t seem any more annoyed with your sniveling. It was the same impassive face they wore when a patient pleaded to save a limb from amputation. Just a minor irritation.

“Hysterical paroxysm.”

“What?!”

Then, to your great perplexity, Valdemar grinned. Not the sharped tooth grin that accompanied the arrive of more corpses for autopsy but a closed lipped grin like…they were trying to comfort you? What was happening?

“Hysteria. A most amusing theory, but further proof that the human mind is incapable of truly grasping medical science. However, in this case? This might be the cure we need. Now then,” Valdemar said, patting the exam table. “Up you go.”

What choice did you have? You could run. If that didn’t change Valdemar’s mind about cutting you up then you’d still lose your residency. You’d never be a doctor then.

And…

This was quite possibly the nicest Valdemar had ever been to anyone. They were the smartest and most capable doctor you knew. You had been chasing their approval since day one and never once had you seen them attempt any sort of bedside manner before. But now they were endeavoring it specifically for you. Squaring your trembling shoulders the best you could, you reached up and under your coat and pulled your pants and panties down with one smooth tug. You shivered as the cool air of the dungeon hit your legs and Valdemar merely watched patiently as you worked off your shoes and folded your pants.

“There’s a good girl,” Valdemar cooed as you laid down on the table. The praise had to have been meant to mock you, but as they almost gently assisted you with putting your legs in the stirrups, you weren’t sure of anything anymore. Valdemar had cracked ribs and dislocated ankles while strapping patients into restraints before. Was this really happening?

Valdemar opened a few buttons on the bottom of your lab coat and flipped each side outward, exposing you completely. The doctor never was one to waste time with a privacy blanket.

“No wonder I’m having problems with you,” they said as they ghosted a single digit down your slit, making you shiver. “Your little cunt is so engorged that there’s no blood left for your brain.”

They spoke with an almost bored air of professionalism, like they were examining a mole and not about to finger fuck you to orgasm. As horribly embarrassed as you were, prone in front of your boss like this, you risked a quick glace downwards. You only saw the crisp white dressing wrapped around the doctor’s head as they gave you a thorough visual examination, staring intently at your vulva as they softly spread and stretched you lips. You bit back a whine. How were you supposed to work for them after this? You’d never be able to look them in the eye again.

“Now then,” the doctor said, standing to their full height. “Let’s commence treatment.”

Two long, hard fingers that felt more like a medical instrument than a part of someone’s hand entered you swiftly. The cold rubber of the glove made you gasp and your nipples hardened under you clothing.

Valdemar didn’t move like you had expected them to and instead called your name. Reluctantly and with a great deal of mortification, you met their gaze while you were being penetrated. They stared at you, unblinking, their razor blade smile finally back on their face.

“Do feel free to make noise. It will help me speed the treatment along.”

Your head fell back as they began, their cool fingers almost scrapping at your walls as their thumb made a perfunctory back and forth motion against your clitoris. It was as sterile and unerotic as something like this was possibly capable of being. But, somehow, it was doing the trick. You could feel yourself heating up against the cool air. Despite your humiliation, your boss was actually going to make you cum.

Despite? Or because of?

Valdemar was deathly silent now and, even with your eyes being snapped shut, you could feel their gaze on your face with needle like focus. Their movements didn’t change in the slightest, almost like they were using a machine.

And yet…

You were beginning to squirm and twitch under their ministrations. You balled your fists against the cold metal of the exam table and let the first of several heady moans escape you lips. You were really going to cum on your weird boss’s fingers on a table you were going to have to see every day you worked.

That thought was your undoing.

As you bit back a squeal and your back arched off the table, Valdemar continued moving their fingers until your contractions stopped and you tried to pull away from them. Then their touch was gone completely. You allowed yourself a moment to catch your breath. Despite the horribly bizarre nature of it all, it had been a good orgasm. However, the light, warm feeling fled you faster than it usually did. Most likely it was from the stirrups and exam table and lack of a soft, warm bed or the loving caress of a partner. Your high extinguished, you wanted nothing more than to get dressed, but you didn’t have the doctor’s permission. You propped yourself up enough to see Valdemar, who was now standing a few feet to your right next to a torch. Holding their fingers up to the light, they were scissoring their two fingers back and forth, studying your cervical mucus as it stretched. A hot wave of embarrassment sent you back down.

“D-Doctor? May I get dressed now?”

You looked when they didn’t answer right away and you watched with shame as they scraped your discharge off their fingers and into a vial.

“Yes. The treatment is over now.”

Your legs cramped slightly as you removed them and stood up and your toes tingled as blood finally reached them again. That discomfort was nothing compared to the aching empty that had suddenly taken over your chest. No, you hadn’t exactly had a long-term partner before and your lovers were few and far between since most people didn’t understand the long hours of a medical student, but you hadn’t been into casual encounters either. There had been cuddling and pillow talk with them and now, as you pulled your pants up in silence, you felt ashamed and used. Obviously, Valdemar wasn’t interested in romantic entanglements, that much you’d bet any amount of money on, but had this just been some weird power trip? Or an experiment? You were grateful it hadn’t involved the removal of any of your organs like most of the doctor’s experiments, but it did nothing to stop the sob that rose in your throat.

You froze. There was no way Valdemar hadn’t heard you. They had been incredibly accommodating with you this entire time, but no doubt your crying would anger them finally. Your luck had to run out eventually. You didn’t look up as they moved towards you, their heels clicking on the stone floor.

“I’m sorr-“

Your apology was cute off when their hand grabbed your chin, forcing you to look at them. Their grip wasn’t painful, but the indifference in their eyes as they studied your face knocked the wind out of you like a fist.

“I’m so sorr-“

“Oxytocin.”

“What?”

“Oxytocin. Dreadful little chemical. But it’s always so fascinating how humans are such slaves to their hormones. In the end, what are humans but machines powered by chemicals and electrical currents?”

You shivered at their voice. That odd, detached way they spoke about humans as though they themselves were not one was also so unsettling, even if you were usually able to ignore it.

What happened next, however, was the weirdest thing to happen in all your time working under the doctor. Stiffly, and with no affection, Valdemar leaned forward and pressed their lips to your forehead. They did not pucker and they made no effort to actually kiss you, but their thin, cool lips against you was probably the closest they had ever gotten to it. It was the equivalent of pressing a lizard’s face against you for a few seconds, but it stopped your tears immediately.

“That will be sufficient comfort for you, I hope?”

“Yes, Doctor,” you replied, your voice soft with incredulousness. There was no way that had actually happened. All of this was some incredibly messed up dream. Clearly, you had been working too hard and were stressed.

“Good. Now, take your lunch hour and collect yourself. Be back here on time and set up the diaphanization chemicals. Don’t make me wait.”

“Yes, Doctor.”

Unsure of how to carry yourself, you half bowed, half curtsied before turning to ascend the stairs. Hopefully an hour would be enough time to process the last ten or so minutes. It probably wouldn’t be, but at least you were being given any time at all.

Before your foot had even hit the first step, you felt those long, thin fingers wrap tightly around your hips. You froze and your breath hitched in your throat.

“One last thing before you go,” Valdemar said softly, their breath tickling your ear as they spoke. “Do be sure to let me know if you start feeling distracted again. I need to take care of my favorite subject.”

#the arcana valdemar #valdemar #quaestor valdemar #the arcana lemon

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