#i wonder what toy he got with the burger :]c

[chemilico]

Doodle page and food court (haha get it)

(also random song for u to enjoy)

[c-optimistic]

Hi C-Optimistic, Anon here to help you out of your angst woes. 😔 As for a prompt idea, how about this: Post 100th episode, Lena says f**k this s**t im out and f**ks off to Ireland. Just leave National City and all the drama, finds a quite cottage in the countryside, and get her head on straight (Lena POV).

hey anon, I appreciate you

“Villain,” she muttered to herself as she put the car in park and got out of the driver’s seat, slamming the door shut. “I’ll show you villain,” she continued mutinously, stalking over to the only building for miles.

“Uh, Lena, don’t you think maybe you should—”

“—I should what?” Lena demanded, not pausing for a moment. She pushed the door to the building open, using a little more force than strictly necessary, and stepped inside. Instantly, she coughed at the dust, looking around at the ramshackled cottage with a little bit of distaste. “I thought it would be...more homely,” she said, all her anger dissipating at the sight of her new residence for the foreseeable future.

“You bought an abandoned cottage in the middle of nowhere and you thought it would be homely?”

“It’s not the middle of nowhere,” Lena said immediately, defensive. “This is the countryside. It’s in the country.” She sounded weak to her own ears, and she knew her stalker had noticed, because she let out a soft sigh, coming up behind Lena and reaching out—almost as if she wanted to touch Lena’s shoulder.

“Lena, come on,” she said, in her annoying soft voice, “I know you’re upset, but come back home.”

“Home? Anywhere you are is not home,” Lena spat, turning to glare at her stalker. “Why don’t you just leave me alone? You’ve made yourself perfectly clear. I’m done with Lex, I’m done with you, I’m done with it all.” She gestured wildly at the dilapidated cottage. “I’m having an early retirement.”  

“Lena, please—”

But Lena was unwilling to listen.

“Leave,” she hissed, eyes narrowed, shoving her stalker in the chest when she didn’t immediately move. It was like pushing at a boulder. “I said go, Kara!”

And finally, with slumped shoulders and a sad sigh, Kara listened.

x

She noticed Kara skulking about not a week later.

Lena had bicycled down to the nearest town, enjoying the excellent weather as she rode, her thoughts on her list of things she needed from the market. There were supplies she needed to order as she continued to work on her cottage, but there were also some in-season fruits she waited all week for, still excited at the prospect of freshly picked berries.

(Not for the first time, she wished her own garden was further along, and that growing things wasn’t so...slow.)

Kara was at the market.

She wasn’t being sneaky. Not really. She was ambling about, charming the locals with her bright smile and excited questions, blushing profusely when a little girl accused her of looking familiar, almost like Supergirl. (“Pffft,” Kara had said loudly, her voice unintentionally carrying over to Lena as she tried to hide her awkwardness and failed, “that’s a strange thing—what an interesting—what would she even be doing...nooo, I look like me. Just like me.”) She clearly wasn’t attempting to hide her presence from Lena, but Lena—who remembered quite clearly telling Kara to leave—was annoyed.

So she settled on ignoring Kara’s presence entirely.

It worked, for the most part. She did find her eyes straying at one point, when Kara was busy with a little boy, her eyes screwed up in concentration, her tongue sticking out, as she attempted to fix whatever toy she’d accidentally stepped on while failing miserably at following Lena covertly.

(It wasn’t until much later, when Lena was fixing herself dinner back at her more rugged than ramshackled cottage, that she wondered if Kara had done it all on purpose. The following loudly from a distance, never approaching, never making actual contact.

To suggest her friendship and presence would go nowhere, while also respecting Lena’s boundaries—making it quite clear she would not approach unless Lena initiated the contact.

It made Lena roll her eyes, a traitorous smile tugging at her lips.)

x

In her third week of solitude, Lena woke up one morning to letters.

A large stack, resting innocently behind her door, held together by a waxy piece of string she recognized from the town’s bookstore. Lena looked up and around her property, but she saw no sign of blue and red, so she bit her lip and picked up the letters.

It took her another whole day before she was mentally ready to open them.

They were from everyone—or, for the most part, that was. Letters from Nia, from Brainy, from Alex and Kelly (the way that letter was worded making Lena think it was written by Kelly), even a letter from J’onn. They were apologies, pleas for her to return, admissions of fault and guilt, and one (clearly written by Alex alone, without Kelly’s soft touch) that brought up all Lena had done and how that was painful too. Nia had given updates about National City, Brainy talked about some ideas he had for some of Lena’s R&D projects—abandoned, she supposed, now that she was here and Lex was still back in National City—and J’onn wrote about heroes and M’gann, and those who managed to buck what everyone expected them to be, just to be who they actually were.

The absence of Kara, in any of it, was glaring. No mentions of Kara (or Supergirl) in the letters, none of them written in Kara’s neat, loopy hand, not even a whiff of anything to do with the reporter, even though she was the only one who could’ve brought all these unmarked letters to her doorstep.

For whatever reason, it made Lena angry. She had been stalked and followed, Kara popping into town every time she happened to be there, but she couldn’t get a single, measly letter?

Well, she would show Kara, she thought to herself as she folded all the letters back up and shoved them in the envelopes. She would show her.

x

“You,” she told Kara unceremoniously in the middle of town—in the market, right in front of a stand full of cabbages—eyeing her former best friend with as much heat as she could muster (which, well, wasn’t much), “are such an idiot.”

And then she left.

x

Kara followed.

It took a few days, but the next time she saw Kara, it wasn’t as she hid behind locals and pretended to be endlessly interested in fresh vegetables. It was outside her door, moments after a soft knock.

“Hi,” Kara said, not quite meeting Lena’s eyes. “I brought you some things I thought you might miss from National City.” (An enormous bag was at her feet, full of what looked to be books, some tech Lena had been tinkering with in her spare time and had left in her apartment, photos and the like, and even takeout from Big Belly Burger.)

“Right,” Lena said slowly, letting out a breath. “Thanks.”

(If Kara expected to be invited in and was surprised when she wasn’t, she didn’t show it. If anything, she looked pleased at the two words Lena did speak.)

“Right, well. I’d best be off. Alex is making me spend time with her and Kelly. She says I’ve been distant lately and she doesn’t like what it’s been doing to our work relationship. By which I think she just misses me, but doesn’t want to admit it,” Kara rambled, taking several steps back as she spoke. (Lena missed that, she realized suddenly. She missed Kara’s stupid quirks, her soft voice. No matter how tainted their friendship now was, she still missed her best friend.)

Kara’s fingers had reached up to her glasses when Lena found her voice.

“How did you find me?” she asked, swallowing a little bit, wanting to hide just how much she wanted the answer to this question. “I took so many precautions, to make sure Lex couldn’t track me. New bank accounts, buying this cottage in another name….” She trailed off, suggesting all the work she’d put into finding this cottage without anyone knowing. “So what did I miss? And why hasn’t Lex been here yet?”

It was a mildly suggestive question—what did you do, she wanted to ask, but didn’t. What did you do that made Lex not find the same thing that led you here? What did you do to Lex?

“I didn’t find you because of a paper trail, Lena,” Kara said, her tone changing so much that Lena felt her heart pound harder and faster in response. “I don’t think you made any mistakes.”

“So how did you find me? You were at the cottage the same time I was. How?”

For a moment, it didn’t look like Kara would respond. But then:

“When I’m overwhelmed, especially by noise, I latch onto things that are familiar and comforting to me,” she explained slowly, shaking her head when Lena tried to interrupt. “I listen for Alex’s voice, Nia’s snores, and um,” she paused, her cheeks flaming, “your heartbeat.” She fiddled with her fingers, not meeting Lena’s eyes anymore. “Since we, well—I’d been listening to it more often. And then one day it was gone from National City, and I panicked, so I started searching for it...and found you while you were on your way here.”

“You found me by my heartbeat?” Lena asked, incredulous.

“It’s one of my favorite sounds,” Kara said, clearly without thinking, her hands nearly flying to her mouth and her eyes widening in panic. (And Lena’s traitorous heart pounded harder and harder in response, as if crying out for Kara to hear it.) “Lena,” Kara continued after a long moment, “are you planning on staying here?”

(Lena wondered what this was. A question for a question? Answer for an answer?

Or was it what it actually sounded like? Kara, her former best friend, longing to have Lena come back.)

“I don’t know,” Lena answered honestly. “There’s nothing for me to go back for.” She managed to leave off the yet, but just barely. Oddly, Kara didn’t seem to notice, if her crestfallen expression was anything to go by.

“Okay,” she said, nodding curtly. “I understand. I’ll leave you, uh, to it then.”

“I could use company. Sometimes. If you’re free,” Lena blurted as Kara bent at the knees and one hand went up to her glasses. “It would be...nice, I think.”

And Kara’s blinding smile was answer enough for Lena’s unasked question.

x

“How are you all managing without me there, anyway?” Lena asked some weeks later, somewhat used to their new give and take, somewhat used to Kara’s presence in her small cottage, feeling safe enough to ask and her curiosity finally getting the best of her.

Kara didn’t even look up from the recipe she was trying to work out, biting her lip as she leaned closer to the book, her forehead resting on the page, as if she hoped she’d learn how to cook through the power of osmosis.

“Not great,” she answered honestly, not looking up. “But that’s to be expected.”

“What does that mean?”

Kara pulled away from the book, eyeing Lena oddly, as if she was missing something obvious. “It’s crazy that you don’t see how important you are to m—us.”

Lena didn’t comment on Kara’s slip, nor did she allow herself to think about how it was her personally that mattered, and not her contributions, in Kara’s mind.

At least, she didn’t allow herself to think about it too much.

x

“Sometimes I get bored out here,” Lena admitted.

“I could bring you more things to do. More of your projects, more books?”

“That’s not it,” Lena sighed, pushing a cup of tea Kara’s way. Her cottage was homely now. Full of light and flowers and smelling of freshly baked cookies. She wondered why it didn’t feel like home unless she was sharing it with someone else. “I supposed I’m jealous. Of you and the others,” she clarified at Kara’s curious look. “Game nights and lunch and all that? I miss it.”

“Oh. Well, you’re not missing much.”

“What?”

“We haven’t done any of that since you left. It’s not the same without you.”

x

“Why do you keep coming back?” Lena asked one day, months down the line. Kara was helping in the garden, mud drying on her forehead where she wiped at it with the back of her hand. “Surely there’s something else you’d rather do. What about that guy, the one who asked you out?”

“Who?” Kara answered absentmindedly, tugging on a stubborn weed. “Ohh,” she continued, laughing a little as it finally clicked and she used a bit of her super strength, the weed flying out of the ground. “I always forget about him. Is that terrible?”

“Kara,” Lena admonished, waiting for an answer to her actual question.

“I don’t know what to tell you,” Kara admitted, leaning back so that she was sitting on her heels, turning to face Lena with a frown. “This is where I want to be.”

“Are you just here to convince me to come back?” Lena asked, several hours later, when the two of them were at her small table, having dinner. “Is that it?” (Fear made her ask. Anxiety made her ask. Curiosity made her ask. But also...well, hope made her ask.)

Kara was silent for a long moment, then she let out a deep breath. “I think, in the beginning. Yes. I kept coming because I wanted you to come home with me.”

“But now?”

“Now, I just want you to be happy. Wherever that is.”

Lena nodded, looking away from Kara after a moment. “National City was never my home,” she said, unsure why she said it, why she didn’t explain when Kara’s face fell but nodded knowingly.

“I get it,” she said, tone sad, but eyes flaming with promise. “I’m glad you made a home here. And I’ll keep you company as long as you’ll have me.”

No, you missed the point, Lena wanted to say. This cottage wasn’t her home either.

x

She didn’t worry when Kara didn’t visit for a week. She didn’t even worry when it stretched out for two. There was always something going on in the world, and she knew she couldn’t monopolize Kara’s time. But when two weeks stretched into a third, Lena knew something was wrong.

It was confirmed the moment she entered town, and walked into the nearest pub, seeing nearly half the townsfolk in there, all of them watching the television screen intently. Lena followed their gaze, and immediately, her heart sank at the breaking news playing out on the screen:

Supergirl still missing, traces of kryptonite at last spot she was seen

Lena turned around and rushed to her cottage, biking furiously, grabbing everything she needed for a trip back to National City.

Back to Kara.

x

After days of furious work, helping Alex and Brainy, allowing Nia to bully her into a nap, sighing in resignation when Kelly mediated an awkward hug between herself and Alex, and avoiding J’onn’s knowing gazes, Kara finally woke up.

She was still groggy, but a smile immediately tugged on her lips the moment her eyes fell on Lena.

“Am I dreaming,” she asked, holding her hand out for Lena to take, seemingly shocked when Lena actually took it, “or are you actually here with me?”

“I had to come back home,” Lena whispered, heart thudding in her chest. Kara’s eyes shut, even as her smile grew wider, and Lena knew she understood.

National City was never her home. Neither was that cottage.

Kara was.

(And from the way Lena’s heart pounded when Kara’s fingers intertwined with Lena’s, well, she didn’t think that would change anytime soon.)

[shirtlesssammy]

15x14: Last Holiday

Then:

March was so long ago

Now:

Sam’s doing research, Dean’s making burgers, Jack is hitting his existential saving the world phase, and the bunker is falling to pieces.

The brothers head to the basement to investigate the failing plumbing. They find the bunker “grid control center thing thingy”. I believe that is the technical term. Dean decides to channel his inner Sam Wesson and turn it off and on again. And it seems to work! 

Good job, Meat Man!

He heads to his bedroom with his victory beer and burger, only to be surprised by a kindly looking woman folding his Scooby-doo underthings. 

They find out the woman is named--well, she’s called Mrs. Butters. She’s a wood nymph. She lives in the bunker and helps the Men of Letters. She cleans, does laundry, cooks, and reinforces mid-century misogynistic stereotypes, you know, the usual. 

The brothers find out that she thinks it’s the year 1958. Dean breaks the news that it’s actually 2020. (From a 1958 perspective, 2020 seems SO FAR in the future. WTF?) Mrs. Butters is confused and horrified. She asks about the Men of Letters she cared for. They’re all dead, Dean informs her. 

“That’s why they didn’t come back,” she responds. It seems that when the Men of Letters never came back from the ceremony, she placed the bunker and herself in standby mode. Mrs. Butters is upset at learning about the passage of time, but instantly jumps into caretaker mode, noting it’s been an age since they’ve had a home cooked meal or celebrated the holidays (she also seems to think that they don’t wash their clothes, but I can’t imagine either Sam OR Dean as anything but mostly clean.)

She then activates her magic to bring the bunker to full power. The monster radar on the map table starts chirping. 

Dean’s super excited about the new development, but Sam is a bit skeptical. Dean assures Sam it’s ok, and if it’s not, they’ll deal with it. They decide to head out on a vamp hunt, but Dean tells Jack (through his door) that they have a guest and she’s making snickerdoodles. 

During Sam and Dean’s Impala broment, Sam wonders if it’s the best idea to have Mrs. Butters in the bunker. Dean doesn’t see the problem. “Ignoring your trauma doesn’t make you healthy,” Sam points out. (F U C K --i am ded) 

Mrs. Butters makes Jack a sandwich. 

Meanwhile, two vamps living the Big Swig life are quickly dispatched by Sam and Dean Winchester. (Note: They were drinking blood from blood bags, not from people. Were they really that bad? What happened to the gray area of hunting, SAM???? I only say this because I think this is highlighting the true evil of the Men of Letters...and Sam and Dean, super excited for their own toys for once, don’t stop to think about their actions.) 

They come home to find the bunker decked out for the Christmas season. (HEARTS to the map table with a giant tree and train set.) Mrs. Butters even made cookies. JOY TO THE WORLD INDEED!

Breakfast in the bunker brings a skeptical Sam, a millennial Jack (I think he’s really a zennial?), and a nightshirt adorned Dean ready for breakfast made by Mrs. Butters. 

(Dean’s nightshirt gag was funny as a cartoon, but less funny as the promos rolled out, and just fell flat during the episode itself.) Mrs. Butters wonders what Jack is, and then hands him a magic smoothie. 

Suddenly the bunker alarm goes off and Dean’s in Ghostbuster mode. “We got one!” Dean exclaims and the brothers head out on a lamia hunt. 

Jack stays behind to drink smoothies and help Mrs. Butters with the dishes. 

Mrs. Butters asks about Jack’s dad, Lucifer, but Jack only tells her about his family --Sam, Dean, Cas, and….Mary. He confesses to killing her. Mrs. Butters’ response is GOLD. She appears to sympathize with Jack. She tells Jack that life gives us second chances, and then offers him another magic smoothie. 

HUNTING AND HOLIDAY MONTAGE ALERT

Later, while drinking another smoothie, Jack finds Mrs. Butters rifling through some files in the library. He then heads to investigate what she was looking at. In the drawers he finds an old file on Mrs. Butters, and a film reel.

The film reel shows a smug Cuthbert Sinclair recounting the recovery of a wood nymph from a Thule (Nazi) laboratory. Our domestic, smiling Mrs. B was responsible for the deaths of at least two hundred Nazi soldiers before she was restrained. Apparently wood nymphs are docile until their home and family are threatened. Cuthbert introduces Mrs. B in the reel: she’s “agreed” to join the Men of Letters for “service and security.” She then proceeds to rip the head off a bound Nazi and offer up tea and cookies. Jack recoils in horror. 

Jack runs to warn Sam, but Mrs. B reveals that Sam is getting ready for a hot date. WITH EILEEN!!! Sam comes out, dressed to the nines in a collared shirt, tie, SWEATER VEST, and nice coat. Good lord, Sam! <3

Mrs. B drops a quick fact on Dean: she fixed his broken TV. Dean’s eyes light up. The DEAN CAVE IS OPERATIONAL! This is sufficient distraction for Dean. 

As Dean runs off, a concerned Jack decides to follow Mrs. B down to the demon dungeon. He confronts her with the film reel evidence. “How did it make you feel?” she asks him, not at all surprised that he’s found her out. She thinks he enjoyed watching the agony on screen, and that he’s a danger to Sam and Dean.

Jack protests that he would never hurt the Winchesters and we get an extremely close up shot of a distraught Mrs. B asking Jack if he thinks they keep him locked up to keep other people safe. (I imagine Mrs. B asking, “Is getting locked up to keep the world safe a normal thing? Asking for a friend.”) She mojo-chucks Jack against a wall! He’s as weak as a puppy and fails to fight back.

She smiles at him. All those smoothies were full of nephilim-depowering goodness, chock full of vitamins, arrowroot, and JAWBONE. She’s going to rid the world of all monsters, starting with the ones in the bunker.

She greets Dean in the kitchen with a fresh grilled cheese sandwich. “You’ll need your strength so we can go kill Jack,” she tells him calmly.

“Damn it,” Dean bursts out when she pulls out the archangel blade. “We had a good thing going but of course you had to go full Nurse Ratched.” He suggests an alternative plan: free Jack and continue their blissful new cohabitation as one big happy family. Cut to a little while later - and Dean winds up locked up alongside Jack.

Mrs. B greets Sam when he gets home and gives him the quick summary: Jack’s controlling Dean’s mind and she has them both trapped so they can be killed. How efficient! Sam plays along enough that I don’t notice in the first viewing that he’s shed his tie and unbuttoned that collar after that date! 

Back in Sam’s room, he calls Dean who is...still trapped in the room with Jack. WITH his phone. I guess Mrs. B doesn’t understand cell phones? Also, Dean didn’t call to give Sam a head’s up so he could enjoy his date. Dean Bean, the support is nice to see. What a hopeless ROMANTIC, though.

The Winchesters have gotta take out Mrs. B, and both admit that they just never quite got around to researching HOW. I mean, there was Christmas and Thanksgiving and BOXING DAY breakfast… Dean tells Sam to start with the console in the boiler room while he and Jack try to escape. 

Jack offers to use his power to escape. When Dean shoots down that plan, Jack proposes that Dean still thinks of him as a monster. Dean uses his words! He hasn’t forgotten what happened to Mary, and he still has some anger, but he’s not going to let Jack die!

Sam stalks Mrs. B through the bunker and when he finds her, he hilariously hides his gun behind his back. And reader, I…. I don’t know. I think that sweater vest is getting to me because I have gone full on Velma with this shot. LOOK AT THAT BIG LUG!

For Velma Heart Eyes Science:

Mrs. B traps Sam and offers to help him understand, the same way Cuthbert helped her to understand. And no, it’s not with snuggly kittens and cookies! Sam argues for Jack. He’s a kid who’s already undergone way too much trauma in his short life! (I agree!!!) Mrs. B does NOT agree with this assessment. Pulling from Cuthbert’s playbook, she pries a fingernail off of Sam. It’s gooey! There are sound effects! While re-watching this scene, I actually put my hand over my eyes. It’s fine! 

Dean tries to use the blade to hack the cuffs off of Jack, but his attempt is useless. He just blasts Jack against a wall instead. That gives him an idea, though. “Pain is just weakness leaving the body,” Dean counsels Jack, positioning him in front of the exit door. He hacks at the cuffs again, throwing Jack against - and through the door. Well…...ooookay.

Now free, Dean and Jack head for the console and hit the reset button. The bunker turns a worried red and Mrs. B corners the three of them in the library. She’s going to stop Jack and save them! Sam tells her that Cuthbert TORTURED her to bend her to the Men of Letters cause. She can’t kill Jack!

“He can save the world,” Dean tells her. The whole mission of the Men of Letters is to do just that! (No pressurrrrrrrre, Jack!) That’s the magic phrase for Mrs. B, though. She breaks down in tears, and relents. In the end, she still loves the Men of Letters she knew (even if she entered into it in an entirely awful way). 

A little while later, she’s healed Sam’s hand and bids them farewell. She longs for the forest. When she leaves, the magic of the bunker will be diminished once again. But that’s fine! Dean just needs a grill and a nice TV room to take his honey on a date, amirite? Also, Dean doesn’t need fancy map tables and “whatever that telescope thing is.”

“It’s an interdimensional geoscope,” she corrects him carefully. Dean protests: he looked through it recently and didn’t see anything! “That’s not good,” Mrs. B proclaims softly. I hand her the Understatement of the Year Award.

Mrs. B counsels Dean to eat his vegetables, Sam to cut his hair, and Jack...to save the world. She whooshes out.

Later, Sam tries to tease out Jack’s feelings. Jack’s worried. For a supposed god-killing machine, he was easily trapped. Dean interrupts this existential crisis by arriving in the library with a covered cake stand. Whipping off the cover, we see Dean’s made Jack A BIRTHDAY CAKE! They put a single candle in it because OMG Jack is just a little baby. 

Dobby the Quote Elf:

We fought the devil. I killed Hitler. I think we can handle a few old pipes

Meat man coming to town!

Ignoring your trauma doesn’t mean you’re healthy

We all do things we’re not proud of but life gives us second chances and it’s our obligation to hold onto them.

Somebody’s shopping at Ambercrombie and bitch

Tell you what we’re gonna do. We’ll go downstairs… We’ll let Jack go. Forget this ever happened

Dang it. Dang-- Damn-- Damn it!

I’ve already had one monster take my family from me. I won’t have it happen again

He loves that apron

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive! 

[okaybutlikeimagine]

Hi first of I spend last night reading through so many of your asks they’re AMAZING. It got me thinking about Billy’s first birthday at the cabin. I feel like he wouldn’t tell anyone about his birthday because they were never a big deal for him and they’d discover it was his birthday a few weeks later and they’d feel really bad about it. So they pick a day in the next week and treat it like his birthday as a surprise and Billy is completely overwhelmed by the all love. Thoughts?

First off: you’re so damn sweet, @kingsandsaints, goodness me thanks hun ♥ (also this was so long ago but I legit started writing this right after you asked it god i’m so sorry it’s taken this long to finish)

Second OHMYGOD i love this idea so much!!!

Okay, legit the only person who knows the exact day of Billy’s birthday is Max. Like, not even Steve knows.

Billy just never talks about it. And I mean never. For as much of a ham as this boy is, he doesn’t actually like all that much attention from most people. Especially the people at school. He’s so sick of them- he’s so sick of everyone hanging off of him and touching him like he’s there to be touched. Like he’s there as their toy to play with. Like he’s there for their entertainment.

He gets so fed up.

Bc Billy is no open book. He’s real good at keeping his emotions pushed down and hidden away. He’s a private person and he’s very adamant about that because, as far as he’s concerned, no one needs to know any of his business. And his birthday is very much his business. It’s his day, his life, his choice on whether he wants to tell people and his choice is… nope.

He debated telling Steve this year just to hold it over his head bc Steve was being a bitch and Billy just wanted to hang out and smoke and suck the boy’s dick or something. But he decided against it. bc if he tells one person, he runs the risk of way more people knowing and then they fuss and they coddle and they pay way too much attention to him and he doesn’t need that.

So his birthday comes and goes and no one is the wiser. Hop picks a small fight with him that morning about drinking out of the milk carton, El accidentally scuffs a pair of his favorite boots as she was stomping around the house, and he got a C on his math test even though he finally felt fucking good about it. His teacher gives him so much attitude and he wants to pull someone’s teeth out.

But it’s a normal day. And he’d rather take the comfort of a normal day over the extravagance of some day people decide they’re obligated to be ‘nice’ to him. He doesn’t need that shit. He doesn’t need fake pity or kindness.

But, y’know… he still goes out with Max.

Bc she’d be pissed if he didn’t at least see her on his birthday. She’s gotten bratty about it. When his birthday comes around she likes to cross her arms and scowl and pout and stand in his way until he gives in and drives them down to the nearest ice cream place so she can buy him an ice cream cone or something. It’s really stupid. He thinks it’s stupid. No he doesn’t smile at all on their little adventure, thank you. And if his chest feels warm when she hands the ice cream over with that smug look on her face that Billy can’t help but think she learned from him… well he’d never ever admit to it.

This year is no different. After school he forgoes hanging out with Steve or heading home to cart El around to wherever she wants to go in favor of driving Max to the nearest ice cream place, which happens to be the next town over.

They’re bantering and bickering with each other, Max asking if she’s still the only one he keeps in his life who knows about his birthday.

“Yup.” He says, fixing the cuffs on his jean jacket. She rolls her eyes.

“Seriously? It’s still a secret?”

“Yeah, and you better keep it, you brat.

“Shut up, what flavor do you want?”

He puts his hands on his hips. “You know what I always get, Roc-”

“Yeah, yeah.” She turns to the person at the counter. “One… two scoops of Rocky Road please.”

Billy eyes her suspiciously.

“In a dipped cone.”

“Alright, what’d you do.” Billy asks, fixing the cuff on his other sleeve.

“Nothing.” Max sounds tired.

“… you break one of my records?”

“No!”

“Scratch my car?”

“Oh my god, no.” She’s rolling her eyes.

He gets down to her level, eyeing her curiously, lifting an eyebrow and then the other before asking:

“You kill someone?”

“Shut up, Billy! Oh my god.”

He straightens out with a dark chuckle. “How am i supposed to know? You’re not exactly the generous type.”

“You’re so full of shit.” She grabs the cone and shoves it his way (as if that was easier than him getting it himself, which it definitely wasn’t) before ordering her own scoop of strawberry.

They sit and enjoy the kind of humorously comfortable silence that only they have with each other before Max breaks it.

“You need to tell someone.”

Billy hits her with a look.

“I’m serious, Billy.”

“Yeah, so am I, brat. Who gives a fuck about my birthday?”

“Well no one if you don’t tell them.”

“Exactly.” Billy stares at his cone as he takes a large lick. “Looking to keep it that way.”

Max rolls her eyes. “You’re so damn stubborn.”

And billy goes about the rest of the day and then the rest of the week, more than happy to be stubborn as fuck until…

Well until one day in the next week where everyone’s acting… strange. Really strange. All antsy and secretive around him, quiet about the way they speak to each other and giving him these weird glances that make him think he’s out of the loop. Make him know he is and this is the shit he tries to avoid. He doesn’t like the whole “not knowing” thing. He likes to be in the know.

And that’s all what makes him dread coming home that day from school. Steve said he was too busy to let him come over but wouldn’t say why (Steve is the worst liar Billy’s ever known. He wonders if he’s just a bad liar to Billy or if he’s this way with everyone) so he has nowhere to go but home. And it’s not even fear in his body, it’s just nerves because there’s something going on and he doesn’t know about it.

So he walks up to the house quietly and slowly, eyes shifting over to the window before he reaches the door to see if he can see anything but the curtains are closed.

And then he’s opening the door slowly, trying to prepare himself for whatever’s going on, probably overpreparing himself if he thinks about it too much, and-

“Surprise!”

Billy flinches.

Bc while he was definitely prepared for something, some kind of surprise, potentially for his birthday (which he wasn’t actually dreading. Not that he would admit to it), he wasn’t prepared for confetti being thrown in his face.

Billy covers his eyes, wiping the little pieces of paper off.

“Oh, honey!” comes Joyce’s voice. Billy begins rubbing at his eyes and sees a blurry vision of Joyce gently taking hold of El’s arm. “Try to avoid his face.”

Billy groans a bit. He tries to make it sound like he’s not irritated.

“What’s going on?”

“Happy Birthday, Billy!” comes a chorus of voices that sounds like Max, El, and 2 quiet Byers brothers.

Billy shakes his head, scanning the people that are there, trying his goddamn best not to let his face split into a smile because… because… well what the fuck.

Everyone’s here. El, Max, Jim, Will, Jonathan, Joyce… 

And Billy is absolutely beside himself. He never quite understood that phrase until exactly this moment. He feels like he’s viewing this from a spot slightly to the left of where he is, watching himself watch in awe at these people that are… that are his, aren’t they? That went out of their way… stopped their day, honestly, just to do this. To celebrate him and his existence and this is a little ridiculous. For a second he remembers why he finds birthdays a little silly. They’re all looking at him with smiles on their faces like they’re just happy he’s here and it’s… it’s just ridiculous. Why?

He scans his surroundings in a second, though it feels like slow motion. He sees the streamers along the ceiling that were probably placed there by El (with the help of Hop), a banner in the back with ‘Happy Birthday Billy!’ written on it that was definitely painted by Will, blue balloons floating around everywhere with curly ribbons hanging off of a few of them, a couple of gift-wrapped presents on the coffee table, and then his… his family, standing right in front of him, beaming like he did something right.

He shakes his head again, the words still floating through the air.

“It’s not my birthday.” Billy says in vain, because he knows that’s not the point here. A couple of chuckles hit the air, but Billy’s still eyeing the decorations around him.

“We’re making it your birthday.” Comes Will’s voice, and Billy turns to see him smiling wide. Billy rolls his eyes, biting the inside of his bottom lip to stop the smile forming.

“You guys are-”

There’s a knock at the door behind him.

He takes a second to turn, still dealing with the slight shock flooding through his system that only deepens when he finds Steve on the other side.

Steve’s smile widens quickly.

“Happy Birthday.” He says like he’s saying ‘I love you’ and it makes Billy’s chest burn.

“I-”

“I got you something.” Steve says, pushing a (poorly) wrapped present into Billy’s chest, forcing him to take it. It’s heavy.

“You guys are ridiculous.” Billy mumbles down to the present he’s now holding close to his chest, fully aware of his face turning pink. And it only gets pinker because Steve decides to lean over and kiss Billy’s cheek and he’s gonna riot. He’s gonna fight someone for making him feel so seen.

Billy’s still standing in the doorway when Steve yells out “I brought the cake!” To the rest of the room and moves around Billy to walk into the cabin.

Billy stands there for a minute, willing his blush to go down before he closes the door and ventures into prey.

And it’s… quite the evening. Hop puts on one of Billy’s favorite records and helps Joyce make burgers and homemade french fries (that are either very crispy or very soft) for them all to eat. As they’re getting the food ready, El pulls Billy to dance with her and Will and Max as Jonathan shows Steve where to put the birthday cake and Billy is… 

Billy is kind of floating in place, being pulled around by El to the beat of the music and he kind of just wants to sit. El notices Max drag Billy over to the sofa, so she grabs onto Will instead, spinning around with him.

“Happy birthday, jerk.” Max sits on the sofa.

Billy flops next to her onto the couch in response, looking at the decorations around him before absent-mindedly pulling on the ribbon of one of the balloons.

“Do you like your party?” Max asks, leaning forward to look the boy in the eye. He just kind of scoffs a bit.

“I… I dunno what to do.” Billy says, pulling the balloon down to eye level before letting it float back up and doing it all over again. It’s an oddly nervous gesture that he doesn’t feel he has very much control of. “This is so… awkward. This is why I didn’t want anyone knowing. Birthday parties are so dumb.”

“It’s just because you’ve never had one.” Max says, punching Billy’s shoulder lightly. He pulls the balloon back down again so he can bat it into Max’s face.

“Hey!” She shrieks a bit, swiping it away.

Billy notices Jonathan walk up to them then, and he looks up to find Steve has gotten swept up in the dancing.

“You good?” Jonathan asks, settling himself next to Billy to watch his brother and El spin poor Steve around like crazy. He hands Billy an opened beer bottle. “Courtesy of Hop, by the way. He said the birthday boy deserves one.”

Billy chuckles as he accepts it. “Thanks. And yeah, I guess.” he mumbles up against the lip of the bottle before taking a swig. “S’just weird.”

“Don’t like parties?” Jonathan asks with a smirk on his face.

“Not really.” Billy swats at Max’s hand as she reaches for his bottle.

“Hm… I don’t believe you.”

His grin is smarmy. Billy glares weakly at it. “I don’t. Not parties about me. What’s that thing about big parties having more privacy?”

Jonathan laughs. “Are you quoting The Great Gatsby?”

Billy shoves his shoulder into Jonthan’s. “I don’t fucking know! I guess? There’s something… different about people looking at me when I don’t really know them. It’s easier that way.” He takes a nervous swig of his beer.

“Well, if you want, we can all ignore you for the rest of the night.” Jonathan offers with a smirk, leaning back on the sofa. Billy grabs a pillow from the couch to shove into Jonathan’s face.

“Shut up.”

“I’m serious. I’d be more than happy to ignore you. Easiest birthday gift I’ll ever give.”

“You’re so nice to me, Byers.”

“I know, my generosity is endless.”

The two are near laughing with each other when Max makes a confused noise next to them.

“You guys are weird.” She says with a scrunched up look on her face. She’s going to get up to join the dancing when Joyce and Hop call everyone to dinner.

And it’s… it’s nice. The food is good and the conversation is fairly easy. Hop and Joyce ask Billy a few questions about how his day was and how he feels now that he’s 18 and how he’s a really “handsome and confident young man” (Joyce’s words) that may or may not make Billy tear up and have to hide it in his burger. He’s thankful that Jonathan notices something’s up (maybe even gives him pity, though Billy doesn’t want to think about that) and changes the subject while Steve puts a comforting and warm hand on Billy’s thigh.

The conversation shifts away from him and he’s thankful for it. They joke around and laugh and smile and then Hop’s putting on a different record as they sit Billy down to open up his presents.

And this is where he feels every bit of awkwardness, because everyone’s sitting around waiting for him to open the presents that they specifically bought for him. Waiting for his reactions to these things that are being given to him with the implication of putting a smile on his face and it’s just… the weirdest sort of pressure?

And he likes these people. They’re like… they’re his family now. So he can’t even just not care about how they feel about his reactions. He wants to make them feel good about what they gave him.

But it’s really not that hard, bc, lo and behold, these people actually know him pretty well. It’s a… weird feeling. He can’t remember the last time he got a present from someone who actually cared this much. Max hasn’t bought him a present ever bc he makes such a big deal about hating his birthday. But here he is, a little bundle of presents in front of him and he… he feels spoiled. It’s a first that’s been happening for a few months now. Every day that he gets that spoiled feeling feels like the first time bc it’s so alien. He’s not sure he’ll ever get used to it.

So he opens them up slowly. There’s a little gray box from Will, with a cool as hell charm on a chain inside. It’s a little skull, delicately painted in various metallic colors. It almost looks mosaic from the paint.

“It’s an earring.” Will explains in a nervous, bouncy kind of excitement. “I found the charm and then painted it.”

Billy’s amazed at the detail. He musses up Will’s hair with a smile and gives his thanks, taking his own earring out to put his new one in.

There’s a very poorly wrapped present leaning up against the table, labeled “From El and Max ♥”. From the shape of the crinkly, potentially used wrapping paper, Billy thinks he has an inkling of what it is. He still acts shocked when he opens it, if only just for El.

“Skateboard!”

And my lovely friend @okayshitbird helped me out w/ ideas for presents for Billy and had this WONDERFUL idea of 1. Max yearning to skate w/ Billy again bc we both agree that Billy 120% used to be a skater back in Cali before he got a car AND taught Max how to skate. And also 2. El wanting to learn to skate bc she thinks Max is so cool and i think we can ALL agree that we were ROBBED of Max and El skating w/ each other. SO.

Billy opens it up to find a skateboard. And it’s like… a nice one. It’s clearly not brand new, it’s got a little bit of use on it’s wheels and a couple scratches already, but it’s obviously close to new. The deck itself is pretty sweet, too. The pattern is neon and psychedelic looking, and it takes a couple of seconds for Billy to make out a picture of a frog with large eyes, hidden in the chaos of the pattern. It looks… familiar.

Bc @okayshitbird ALSO had the wonderful idea of El and Max maybe possibly asking Heather for help in lifting a skateboard they may or may not have seen in the Lost and Found at the pool. And Heather definitely rolled her eyes, but she thinks Billy’s kid sister is funny so she did it for them for the low low price of a package of her favorite bubblegum. She’s nothing if not kind and generous.

But Billy remembers when he had to confiscate this. He shoots a skeptical look at the girls.

“Looks kinda… familiar. Where’d ya get it?”

“Oh uh… we may have had some help-” Max begins before-

“Heather!” El cuts in.

Max covers El’s mouth. “It doesn’t really matter where we got it, does it? But it’s yours now!” Max hurriedly grabs the board and places it down under the coffee table. “Alright, next gift.”

The next gift is in a paper bag with a little bow placed on the front. Billy pulls out the gift.

“A sweater?” Billy asks, looking to Hop and Joyce, who he assumes this is from.

“You need warm clothes.” Hop says flatly.

“Fine-”

“For the love of god, please don’t rip holes in it.”

“Fine.” Billy says with more attitude this time, putting the bag down and seeing something at the bottom of it. He looks in curiously to see a $20 bill folded up neatly. (keep in mind, back in0 1985 that’s like… $50 bucks by today’s standards.)

Billy shoots Hop a knowing look and Hop gives a nod and a little smile.

“Thanks pops.” Billy says with a little smile of his own, shoving the sweater back in the bag. He feels a little weird about pulling money out in front of everyone, so he doesn’t, but he wants him to know he appreciates it.

“Yeah yeah.” Hop nods and mumbles into the lip of his beer bottle.

The last gift on the table is the one Steve shoved at Billy.

“Best for last?” Billy mumbles a snarky little thing in Steve’s direction, revelling in the embarrassed look Steve gives.

“No no, it’s nothing.” Steve says nervously.

Except obviously that’s wrong. Bc obviously Steve 1. Is very rich and 2. Spoils Billy absolutely rotten (or at least…. As much as Billy allows for). And hell- the present is HEAVY. Like…… there’s definitely something in that box.

And Billy’s honestly irritated when he opens it. Bc goddamn it Steve…

“Do you like it?” Steve is wringing his hands.

It’s a portable stereo. Like… a brand new one. An expensive one. Billy doesn’t have one- he left his old stereo back in his old house, not wanting to carry anything he didn’t need in the move. When he listens to music he either forces Jonathan to let him use his player or he listens to records on the record player out in the living room or he just… sits in his car.

“Woah.” Jonathan mumbles, leaning in a little closer from his spot on the side chair to look at it.

Billy’s heart is fluttering.

“Billy?” Steve asks, voice obviously nervous but Billy’s a little caught up bc goddamnit. He’s… he hates being spoiled but this thing is sick and then Steve’s hand is reaching out for his knee and Billy kisses Steve’s cheek quickly and knocks his shoulder into him.

“Thanks, pretty boy.”

And Steve is blushing and so is Billy and Max is smirking and Jonathan notices Joyce is about to start cooing like she always does so he decides to save Billy from the embarrassment. Someone give him that “brother of the year” award already.

“Well open it, I wanna see.”

So Billy tears into the box, taking the stereo out and shit it’s nice. All metallic blue and steel and buttons and dials and shit it’s gonna sound so nice.

They cut into the cake (Billy refuses to let them all sing happy birthday to him, even though Max and El still do, as loud as possible, as Joyce cuts everyone a slice)(Billy tries to tickle them to get them to stop, but they just dodge him) and if Billy is feeling warmth in his chest, he’ll blame it on… heartburn or something.

It’s not too long after everyone is done with their cake that Joyce yawns, claiming herself tired. Jim nods, giving Billy the biggest bear hug possible- y’know, to really embarrass him- before heading to get ready for bed. He throws in a “Happy birthday son.” for good measure as well, to which Billy, with a strained voice as he’s being squished, says “S’not my birthday.”

El attacks Billy with a hug, Max right behind her and joining in.

“Happy birthday, you idiot.” Max mumbles. Billy pulls at her hair. Max swats at his arm before getting dragged off to El’s room to probably listen to music or read comic books or something before they crash for the night.

Billy’s the one who initiates a hug from Will, bc the sweet boy, bless him, is standing there so awkwardly, feet moving nervously with each other, mumbling a quiet “Happy birthday, Billy.” Billy doesn’t let that slide though, grabbing roughly onto his shoulder and pulling him into a tight hug, giving a gruff “Thanks, pipsqueak.” bc Billy doesn’t even try to hide it: Will is his favorite of the kids.

Joyce is still moving around the kitchen, putting plates away and refusing help from Steve, moving even after the plates are all put away, wiping at the counter like it needs to be cleaned even though it doesn’t, when Billy catches Jonathan’s eye.

Jonathan brings a hand up to his mouth, pretending to bite at his nail before his fingers move to look like he’s smoking. Billy nods, and Jonathan gives a little smile, turning to Steve and nodding at him. Steve, however, is oblivious. Bc Steve doesn’t know their weird little ~signals~ they give each other bc Billy and Jonathan always seem to be talking in some kind of code. They’re so weird w/ each other. No one understands them.

So Steve is confused.

“What?”

Jonathan rolls his eyes. Smoke. Jonathan mouths, but Steve’s eyebrows furrow.

“Smo-?”

Billy grabs Steve’s hand. “Get outside, moron.” Billy mumbles, pulling him towards the back of the house, where Jonathan is already lazily walking to.

“Oh, Billy! Can I uhm…” Joyce begins, obviously nervous. “Can I talk to you?”

Billy’s nervous now, too.

By the time she’s done digging through the drawer for whatever it is she’s looking for, Jonathan and Steve are already out on the back porch. She’s holding an envelope with a ribbon tied around it.

“I uhm… I know it doesn’t really matter as much… now that you’re 18 and all. But here’s my present to you.”

Billy eyes it curiously, taking gentle hold of the envelope, untying the ribbon, opening it up.

And thanks AGAIN to @okayshitbird for the idea bc-

“It’s the adoption papers. For my side. If you want!”

She’s so nervous but Billy’s only vaguely aware now bc… Bc his heart is dropping. She wants him to be her son. Like… for real.

She’s still rambling a bit, talking about how she doesn’t wanna force him and “you don’t have to” and “I just wanted to give you the option” and-

Billy throws the papers onto the counter to hug her. Bc goddamnit this comes with a lot of emotions. too many emotions but the good outweigh the bad and he’s a little overwhelmed and-

“Thank you.”

Joyce gives a strong hug back.

“No need to thank me, honey.”

And so she sends him a warm smile and a quiet “happy birthday” before heading to bed. Billy goes to tuck the papers back into the envelope. He places them in a safe spot in one of his drawers in his room.

When he gets outside, still a little shocked, Jonathan’s finished rolling the joint and is laughing easily with Steve.

“Finally.” Steve says, pouting a bit and reaching for Billy. “Jonathan’s been ribbing me this whole time.”

Jonathan shrugs lazily. “Somebody has to.”

“I get enough from him.” Steve says, pointing to Billy. “I get all I need from him.”

There’s some kind of insinuation in it that makes Jonathan gag.

“Please stop now. He’s my brother.” Jonathan pulls a face.

Billy’s mind is a little busy. Gets even busier at the word brother. The other boys notice.

“You alright, babe?” Steve asks quietly. Billy turns to Jonathan.

“You’re… you’re actually gonna be my brother, now.”

“Huh?”

“Joyce is adopting me.”

Jonathan’s silent, eyes getting wide. “Really?”

Billy nods. Steve breathes out a bit. Everyone understands the implication. Bc they know Billy now. They know how important this is for him. They know this is big.

They’re quiet for a second.

“Damn, does this mean I have to be nice to you?” Jonathan asks before the placing the joint in his mouth and lighting it. Billy laughs.

“If you are, I’ll send you to the psych ward.”

“No need.” Jonathan says, exhaling smoke and handing the joint to Billy. “They’d send me away for being too crazy.”

“That sure?” Billy asks before he inhales.

“Once I get to talking about the monsters that abducted my brother, yeah.”

Billy and Jonathan laugh. Steve has a bit of a harder time keeping up with how the tone shifted so quickly. He’s not sure he’ll ever understand these two.

They each take a couple of puffs on the joint in silence before Jonathan jumps to life again.

“Oh, go grab your fancy new stereo and put this in.”

He tosses a cassette in Billy’s direction. Billy has to unwrap his arm from around Steve’s shoulders quickly to catch it.

“Oh shit, Motley Crue’s new album? Sweet. I didn’t know you like them?” Billy’s in awe and Steve leans in to look at the track list.

“I don’t.” Jonathan chuckles a bit. “It’s for you, genius.”

Billy looks up in confusion. Jonathan rolls his eyes.

“Happy birthday.”

“Serious?”

“What? God forbid I buy you something?” Jonathan asks, standing up a bit to accept the joint from Steve. “Just get your stereo.”

Billy chuckles back a thanks.

And so they listen to the tape. Jonathan admits he was deciding between a few (Ratt, AC/DC, or this) but picked this tape bc he doesn’t hate the song “Smokin��� In The Boys Room”. Steve admits he thinks every song sounds like the last and gets a slap on the thigh from Billy, who huffs harshly on the joint at the words. Jonathan makes eye contact w/ Steve to let him know he agrees. Then Billy decides that the heavy guitar of “Save Our Souls” is too seductive and hot not to start making out with Steve, to which Jonathan makes a gagging noise and gets up.

“Gross.” He groans, standing up and burning the last of the joint out. “I’m heading to bed.”

Billy waves at Jonathan from where he’s locked onto Steve’s lips, but Steve pulls away to give a proper goodbye, his face red.

“Uh, g’night Jonathan!”

“Yeah, goodnight.” Billy mumbles into the skin of Steve’s neck.

Jonathan rolls his eyes, but Billy doesn’t see it.

“Just don’t fuck on the porch.” Jonathan says flatly before heading into the house and being careful to close the door quietly.

“You’re so embarrassing.” Steve chastises before pulling Billy back up to kiss him soundly.

They make out a little more, sitting just like that, listening to the music nice and clear on his new stereo.

“Did you have a nice birthday?” Steve asks quietly, rubbing Billy’s sides.

“Yeah… but I still think you’re all ridiculous.”

Steve laughs, leaning back in for another kiss.

[neverwatchedonepiece]

645-647: "Destruction Cannon Blasts! Lucy in Trouble!", "The Legendary Pirate! Don Chinjao!" and "Light and Darkness! The Shadow Behind Dressrosa!"

There is something rotten in the state of Dressrosa right now. Doflamingo has some seriously shady shenanigans on the go. Turning humans into toys? Letting them live alongside relatives who - it appears - have their memories wiped? Tossing them for scrap if they show any signs of rebellion? Yeah, this whole situation is totally messed up. Now I get why a Resistance is mounting against the Donquixote Family. 

I watched three episodes because I thought I might see the end of the Block C battles. No such luck, but Luffy vs Don Chinjao has been fun so far. 

Still, that freaky Toy Human transformation reveal was totally worth it. 

(Will catch up on replies this week too! It’s been a weirdly busy couple of weeks but next week won’t be as rammed. :D)

Electric Fist Bump

I am still not certain that Brutal Bull is, in fact, going to recover. Let’s just pretend he will. At least Luffy gently carried him to safety and thanked him for fighting with him. ;_;

A random called Ideo (way too much eyeliner, Shoulders McGee) finished the job by punching Hajrudin out the ring. After Ideo’s brag-fest, I thought Luffy would be the one to kick his ass too, but it was funnier than that.

A random competitor called Jean the Bounty Hunter (no relation to Dog) had seen through Luffy’s disguise. He knocked off Luffy’s helmet and slashed his beard. Instead of giving up his disguise, Luffy chased him (lmao) to get his helmet back. 

Once exposing Luffy, didn’t work, Jean picked up all the weapons dropped by competitors who fell to Don Chinjao’s conqueror’s haki. Jean seriously thought he could defeat Luffy by carrying around a giant blade ball. Okay, mate.

Jean, at least, was allowed a quick shit-talk. He’d made so much money recapturing all the criminals Luffy set free from Impel Down. Now, Jean was aiming to snare Buggy (I guess he doesn’t read the papers), Crocodile, Jimbei, Ivankov and Shiryu (good luck with those names, mate).

Meanwhile, Luffy was standing there, reminiscing over all the old names like it was old times. “I wonder how Jimbei and Iva are doing?”

Jean got mad, threw his dumb sword ball and... it did not go to plan.

Luffy dodged.

Instead, a rather large and intimidating man absorbed all the swords.

Staring down Don Chinjao was too much for poor Jean. He was so scared, he made moe eyes before Don Chinjao took him out. (Good luck chasing after Crocodile from your new job on Doflamingo’s Factory Assembly Line!)

The fight between Luffy and Don Chinjao was actually fun to watch. The moment when they both punched out Sai and Ideo “Get outta the way!” was funny. And the Conqueror’s Haki clash was stylish (still love that blue filter), powerful (that Whitebeard soundtrack) and also pretty interesting.

Diamante watched the whole thing from his private booth. He used it as a teaching moment for Bellamy. “See, that is what it takes to be a king.” Don Chinjao sort of backed this up later when he said to Luffy that loads of people in the New World could use Conqueror’s Haki. “Only battling it out amongst themselves will reveal who the Pirate King will be. A battle of conquerors. That’s what’ll decide.”

I thought Conqueror’s Haki was a much rarer type. Maybe it still is, but that all the big shots are now concentrated in a smaller area, so there’s more chance you’ll meet someone with it. I know Shanks has it, I know Whitebeard had it, but I’m wondering if Big Mom and Kaidou also have it? (The jury’s out on Teach. Is he too much of a coward, or will he awaken it too? Who knows?)

Don Chinjao also kept veering between wailing with rage and attacking with rage at what Garp had taken from him (treasure and strength, apparently).  He also kept demanding Luffy tell him what Garp had done. Luffy was like, “No, you walnut. I have no idea. How many times must I repeat myself?”

Luffy didn’t know whether Don Chinjao wanted to be sad or mad. Maybe Luffy should set himself up as a therapist because I think it’s a bit of both.

At the moment, Don Chinjao has transformed into an Upside Down Tornado of Large Man, so we’ll see how that pans out in the coming episodes.

Oh, and by the way, Bobby Funk wore his brother like a jacket during the fight. Don’t ask. It was deeply, hilariously weird and I’m glad they got their asses kicked because I felt wrong watching that.

He’s Not an Idiot. He’s Directionally Disadvantaged

On the way to Flower Field, Wicka was astonished to discover Zoro is the opposite of a homing pigeon. They yelled at each other the entire time. Wicka because Zoro veered away from Flower Field yet again, and Zoro because Wicka “sucked at leading the way.” Meanwhile, the concerned residents of Dressrosa wondered why the strange man was yelling at himself.

Wicka kept punching Zoro for not going the right way. Because the Tontatta people make up for their lack of stature with super strength, I actually cheered when Zoro had enough of Wicka smacking him. He set her down in a plant pot, was like, “I have friends I care about too. Stop complaining or ask some damned cat to carry you,” then walked off.

Damn straight, Zoro. Don’t put up with that crap.

Luckily for Wicka, Zoro has no sense of direction. He circled straight round, which gave her the opportunity to apologise.

I guess it’s for the best. Otherwise Zoro would end up stuck on Dressrosa forever. Or at least until Sanji turned up.

And speaking of Sanji, he has teamed up with Kinemon again. They are currently lurking outside the Colosseum. They have spotted something ominous. Lots of Marines gathered outside, including new Vice-Admiral Bastille, waiting to swoop and arrest any unsuspecting Block A and Block B fighters leaving the arena.

I laughed at Kinemon’s weird cognitive dissonance. “Yeah, well criminals should be caught!”

Sanji would not have it. He smacked Kinemon and was like, “You are working with pirates.” Lmao, Kinemon. Old habits die hard, I guess.

At least Sanji has returned to the Sanji I like best: sneaking about, trying to solve problems. He knows Luffy needs to know about the Marines lurking outside, but how to tell him?

Plus, what’s happened to all the Block A and Block B competitors who lost their fight? Vice-Admiral Bastille is on to something. None of them have left the Colosseum. Not a single one. That is strange. Something weird, and possibly sinister, is going on here. (I wonder if they’re being turned into toys?)

This is Why I Like Nami

This was only a short scene but I loved it.

In the last couple of episodes, I assumed Nami, Brook, Chopper and Momo were retreating to regroup with a master plan to win back Sunny.

Nope. As if they would ever leave Sunny in the hands of an enemy. What was I thinking?

Even though Nami sees herself as weak compared to the DF eaters and haki users of the crew, she is not helpless. One, she is smart, and two, Nami has freaking weather controlling powers! Nami used both of those qualities to her advantage. Chopper and Brook were a distraction. While Giolla’s attention was on them, Nami readied some thunder balls.

BOOM! Direct hit on Giolla’s submarine. Now, as a DF user, she has no means to return to Dressrosa and all her goons were smoked by thunderbolt.

Your move, Giolla! :D

How About Hide-and-Seek?

Like, with a four day head start? 

No?

I guess Law must be content with running like hell from the two Absolute Monsters chasing him. Fujitora was not making it easy. Every time he sheathes that sword, a jet of purple (no idea what it is. Let’s call it pure purple) rocketed into the clouds and, hello meteor shower!

Luckily, Law can Room those and slice them like bread rolls, but Doflamingo’s bullet strings were another matter. Law scarpered, dodged, hid and tried to call Nami. To no avail. Why wasn’t she picking up?

“I know what you’re trying to do. You’re trying to buy time,” Doflamingo said. “And I’m not gonna let you have it your way.”

No Burger King for you, Law.

Poor, beleaguered Law screeched to a halt when he realised that, somehow, Fujitora had overtaken him. My new favourite Admiral was sitting on a rock, as if he’d been politely waiting for Law to show for ages. Then it was meteor time.

Even Doflamingo was like, “Wow, you have no mercy.”

Fujitora just said, “I’m all thumbs.”

Lmao, mate. Yeah, those extreme overkill meteors? I’m just clumsy. Nah, no one believes you, Fujitora. You love smashing felons. Admit it.

Meanwhile, deep underground, Usopp was beginning to regret feigning descent from Noland. The ominous, earth-shattering rumbles from Fujitora’s onslaught were passed off as “just Usopp’s amazing haki!”

When he realised the Tontatta people kept going on about the Donquixote Family, he consulted Robin. “Um, what kind of relationship do they have with Doflamingo exactly?” he asked.

“Well, they’re serious about fighting him,” Robin replied.

Usopp had an uh-oh moment. He drew Leo (the battle hype man) aside and asked why they wanted to fight Doflaming. That’s my Usopp! Asking all the right plot questions.

Apparently, the Tontatta want to rescue five hundred friends forced to work at the “shady factory”. Moreover, Doflamingo also holds their “obnoxious, selfish, mean, moody and short-tempered Princess Mancherie” there too.

Good sell, Leo. Good sell.

“Um, she sounds horrible,” Usopp said (lmao).

“Yup!” Leo cheerfully agreed. But then he added, rather sweetly, “But she’s one of us too. Noland would save everyone who’s in trouble, right?”

Usopp looked a bit ill at that point. He did not have to answer that question, as Flapper, another Tontatta kid, hoofed it into frame. Apparently, the Donquixote Family at the palace were on the move. Rumour had it they were probably moving to the Colosseum basement. And why were they moving there?

Under the Colosseum is only where the Shady Factory is hidden! :D

I thought the Factory would be in Green Bit. This is even better! Now I’m very suspicious about all the defeated fighters. They are prime for processing. At least I got one thing right about people being forced to work at the Factory (though it wasn’t related to stealing stuff). 

This Really Makes You Re-Think Toy Story

I knew it! I knew there was something weird with the toys. At first I just went with it because, well, One Piece, right? There are giants, sentient fruit-eating swords, dudes stuck in barrels. Anything goes, right? I mean, who can explain the wonder of Gekko Moria?

Turns out this does not extend to talking toys. Talking toys are not normal. Unless they’ve been invented by Vegapunk, as Franky rightly thought.

Nope. These toys are not the work of Vegapunk.

They are the product of a twisted Devil Fruit user under the employ of Doflamingo, who transforms humans into toys.

Why? I have no idea.

But the reason has got to be some dodgy kind of punishment for something. 

There was a creepy scene when a toy desperately tried to convince the woman who was once his girlfriend that he was a human, that they once lived together, were once happy together. The trouble was, his girlfriend could not remember him! She looked at him in disgust, said, “This toy has human syndrome!” and he was dragged off to a ominous looking building with the word SCRAP emblazoned above a forbidding door.

It seems a lot of the toys remember being human. Sol spoke to a guy called Milo, who is currently masquerading as Onepoko-chan the dog. Turns out the boy who plays with him is actually his son, and the boy’s mother is his wife.

What. The. Actual?

Sol asked the boy if he had a dad. Nope, was the answer. What about the wife? Had she ever been married? Don’t be silly.

Something really, really weird is going on here. And I never even mentioned the midnight curfew. Anyone who is caught outside after then is arrested (and probably turned into a toy). Toys and humans are allowed to hang about during the day, but at night? They are segregated. Toys live in toy homes. Humans remain in their homes.

This is totally weird and cool and I cannot wait to see where this goes.

Every time questions are answered in Dressrosa, another ten rise to take their place. :D

[millenniallust4death]

The Stories Behind the Images in the Martin & Bosco Calendar. A person who bought a Martin & Bosco calendar asked me to share the stories behind the images. I’ve shared these stories on Facebook but not on Tumblr. This is going to be a long post so I’ll put in a “keep reading” cut.

Cover Photo This was shot in the town of Millet, AB. I loved the graphic feel of the boxcars and wanted to take photos of Martin & Bosco there for my dog photography group. Of course, the best graffiti was on the side of the car facing away from town. The tracks run along a crazy steep ditch so I'm standing in the mud at the bottom of the ditch shooting upwards. My perspective makes the boxcar seem huge. Bosco is challenging to photograph because of his black fur so he easily disappears into dark backgrounds. Martin positioned Bosco so that his head wouldn't be lost against the graffiti. After taking my photos, we got take-out from the Burger Barn and sat in the park enjoying the sun. I chose this photo for the calendar because it was such a fun way to spend a Sunday afternoon and I learned so much about how to make a challenging location work for photography.

January This is Martin's favourite photo of all time and it was shot with a $100 camera. Martin was taking Shade's toy skills course at Gold and he liked to plow the snow from his training field before practice. I brought Martin a coffee for break and captured this authentic moment between him and Bosco. I love how Bosco spit out his Kong so that he could fully focus on what Martin was saying. Bosco & Martin had such a wonderful relationship. 

February This photo was taken in January 2017; Martin was removing the old straw from the loft in preparation for starting a barn renovation. Martin was in a great mood that morning because he owned a barn that he could renovate. He was carrying the straw bale on his left side in order to block Bosco from getting into heel position. Anytime Martin walked with purpose, he had to block Bosco from trying to heel because there isn't anything Bosco finds more self-rewarding than heeling with his Guy. Of course, blocking heel position meant that Bosco was even more determined to get into heel position which left Martin feeling torn between amusement and frustration. I was laughing so hard at Bosco's determination to wedge himself between Martin and the straw bale that I had to stop taking photos. Martin definitely shaped Bosco to have a confident and pushy offered heel.

March Bosco telling Martin that it was time for training. Whenever Martin was asked if he ever felt lonely living in such an isolated area, he would open this photo on his phone. "I have never felt a moment of loneliness since we brought Bosco home." Of course, Martin never said if this was a good thing.

April This is a very important photo to me. Martin loved to stand at our northern property line and gaze at the endless horizon of rolling fields. He greatly loved our home and the four years he spent here were the happiest that he had been in his entire life. He was living the life that he had always dreamed of. I think this is the only photo I've taken that truly captured who Martin was as a person. During Martin's terrible illness, I looked at this photo before I made every single healthcare decision on Martin's behalf. It eliminated all of the noise of other people's expectations and reminded me what quality of life meant from Martin's perspective. I am going to have this photo printed and framed.

May Martin took a break from working in his shop to enjoy the winter sun and Bosco laid next to him. I asked Martin to look to the left and Bosco immediately wanted to see what Martin was looking at. It's a simple photo that still shows the depth of Bosco's bond with Martin.

June Martin playing a two tug game with Bosco on a gorgeous spring afternoon. I finally got the timing right for this shot! A split second later and Martin's arm obscures Bosco's face...which is the shot I usually got. :) I included this photo because Martin spent an incredible amount of time teaching Bosco toy skills.

At 13 seconds, you can see how fast Martin and Bosco move for the bite presentation shown in the photo. Martin played tug in the Michael Ellis style which involves moving your body out of the way of the tug.

July Martin was baffled by people who bragged that their dog bit them during training. Martin trusted Bosco; in return, Bosco would turn himself inside out to avoid putting teeth on Martin. This relationship is what allowed Martin to do a tug under the chin reward for fronts and more importantly, what allowed him to keep training Bosco even after he lost the ability to clot during chemo. Here’s what a tug under the chin reward looks like. I chose a blooper video because that’s more fun than always seeing a perfect practice.

August This photo was taken at the gorgeous Carolyn Beach Inn on Lake Huron in Ontario. We stayed here for our nineteenth wedding anniversary. I chose this photo for the calendar, not because it is a pretty silhouette, but because of what the photo represents to me. During the many day drive from Alberta to Ontario, I mentioned in passing that I'd like to try doing some silhouette shots when we arrived at the Inn. So, Martin worked out that we'd have to leave my mom's house in Wheatley at 4:30 AM and drive non-stop for 13 hours to make it to the Inn in time for sunset. Without a single complaint, Martin drove non-stop, arrived at the Inn, and immediately posed for photos just before it got dark. He was always my biggest supporter and helped me achieve everything that I have accomplished.

September Martin & his dog with his own hay bale in his very own pasture. Life absolutely couldn't get any better than this for Martin. Martin was the happiest he had ever been in his entire life living on our farm in Alberta. I am so grateful that I supported Martin in living his dream. I did freelance research work while we lived on the farm and I didn't make nearly as much money as if I'd worked in a traditional library. But not having any regrets today is worth all the money in the world to me.

October I shot this photo for an assignment in my dog photography group; your photo was supposed to be inspired by a movie. I chose to do a variation on Martin's favourite movie, Ladyhawke. This photo was shot in August so yeah, Martin is wearing a heavy cloak and gauntlets in the summer but it's Alberta so it's a dry heat. He was so wonderful at supporting my photography. It's very unlikely that I will ever pick up my camera again because without Martin, photography just isn't any fun. Soul Dog Studios did an amazing job editing this image.

November This photo started Martin's (unhealthy) obsession with Dutch Angle photography; he would email me photos using this type of camera angle with "DUTCH ANGLE!!!" in the subject line of the message. He would scream, "DUTCH ANGLE!", during movies if the director used this type of camera tilt. (We did shots every time there was a Dutch Angle frame in the new Star Trek movies. Ugh. I still feel sick when I scroll past those films on Netflix.)

December The final one! I took this photo in December 2016 while Martin was in Shade's Advanced Toy Skills course. It was -30°C (and below) for the entire course but Martin never complained. You know that I bitched at having to film his practices!. Martin never had any interest in titling Bosco but he spent loads of time and gobs of money training his dog. Looking back, Martin likely took so many classes because we had so much fun- we never stopped laughing and we never took his training seriously. I always had issues editing Martin's training videos for his Gold classes because I was always saying inappropriate things, we were laughing hysterically (once I laughed so hard that I fell off my chair and only filmed the grass), or he'd forget that he couldn't reward Bosco using profanity which was his norm , "Fucking A, Buddy!". I chose this photo for the calendar because it reminds me of all the fun we had during training. 

[tea-and-cardigans]

OTP Questions All Fills for 1500 Followers.

Here are all the fills from the OTP questions submitted to celebrate 1500 followers. These are always a heap of fun to write as well as a challenge, but I do hope that you guys also enjoy sharing in my crazy headcanons for this pairing.

Thank you to everyone who has commented, liked, reblogged, requested and read these little ficlets/drabbles. You guys are all so amazing and it is such an honour to be part of this wonderful, supportive, embracing community.

Bughead kisses to you all.

Stories are under the cut.

Who likes to eat spicy food?

She pushed the container towards him, and his eyes met hers with disapproval.

“Betts I am not about to damage my most delicate and precious tastebuds with your crazy food.” It was their first night in their apartment and Betty had managed to convince him to get Indian food as their first meal to share in their new home.

“It’s not that bad.” She placed another forkful in her mouth and delighted in the way the taste danced along her tastebuds, as if it was lighting them up. She took a sip of her Lassi to quell the heat before taking another bite. Jughead watched her in awe. He couldn’t even smell her food without it burning the inside of his nostrils prompting him to cough and choke to remove the sensation. As if something foreign was trying to invade his body and his body was defending itself against it.

Betty on the other hand loved her spicy food, the hotter the better. He could remember a few times when he had gone to steal food from her plate only to be met with an intense heat that seemed to burn across his taste buds, leaving them screaming in pain while he gulped down water to try and ease the pain, while Betty giggled at him, telling him that that was what he got for stealing others food.

“I don’t know how you can do it.” He watched her as she ate, a slight blush to her cheeks in reaction to the food.

“Guess when it comes to spicy cuisine I have a stronger stomach than you.” She smiled proudly.

“And that,” He wrapped his arm around her pressing a kiss to her blushed cheek “Is why you are my girl.”

Who is the one who kills the bugs?

“Daddy!” He came rushing into the room at the sound of his daughter’s high pitched scream. She was in her bed, her covers pulled high under her chin. Her eyes fixated on the creature at the opposite side of her room. He followed the direction of her gaze to the fluttering insect that was seemingly trying to get inside her desk lamp. “It’s a monster Daddy.” She told him, pulling the covers tighter around her. He smiled to himself at his daughter’s imagination and wondered if he was the same when he was smaller.

He sat on the edge of her bed, her eyes glancing to him for a second as the bed moved under his weight before carefully tracking the moth once again. He put his hand on her leg, an attempt to comfort her and she dropped the cover slightly.

“It’s a moth, Emily.” She eyed him warily, pausing and thinking over the word.

“What’s a moth? Is it a monster? Do they bite?” She was so full of questions at this age. It kept him and Betty on their toes trying to answer what at times seemed like impossible questions that came from her inquisitive mind. He moved up the bed to pull her into a cuddle.

“They don’t bite and I guess they are kind of like a butterfly, that only comes out at night.” Her eyes met his as if searching for whether he was being untrue to her and he gave her a slight nod.

“I like butterflies.”

“I know you do.” He got up from the bed and approached the moth that was still fluttering wildly at the brightest light source in the room. “How about we let this guy go outside? It’s too small for him in here.” Emily nodded eagerly as she climbed out of her bed. She moved over to the window, as Jughead moved his hands gently over the insect to catch it in his hands. He moved slowly over to window, which was now open, the cool air filtering through. Emily watched him carefully. Her eyes glued to his clasped hands and what was inside them. “Get ready to close the window when I let him go okay? We don’t want him getting stuck again do we?” Emily nodded her eyes never leaving his hands, but her hand rested on the window. Jughead placed his hands outside the window and let go. He pulled back as Emily closed the window and they both watched as the moth flew back and landed on the window for a while. Emily examined it’s every movement, placing her finger up against the glass and moving it away suddenly when the insect took flight to find another source of light.

He looked down at Emily who gave him a bright smile in return. “Can you tuck me in again?”

“Sure.” She hopped into her bed and he brought the covers up snuggled under her chin as she clasped the worn soft toy rabbit against her chest, a gift from FP, as he pressed a kiss against her forehead. “Good night Emily. Sleep tight.”

“And don’t let the bed bugs bite.” She finished their night time goodbye, before snuggling further down into the warmth of her bed as Jughead turned the lamp off and left the room, glancing back to watch her in her bed before making his way back down to the lounge.

Betty was still collapsed on the couch feeding Hannah as Jughead sat down next to her. Still feeling lucky every day to have the family he did, the family he had always wanted.

Who is the one who gets the other to try new things?

Jughead Jones liked routine, it was sometimes the only thing that kept him sane. He enjoyed going to Pop’s and having the same order. Cheeseburger and a black coffee, maybe a strawberry milkshake if it was a particularly bad day. It was familiar and comforting.

Betty craved new experiences, too much familiarity grew into boredom. She had been trying to persuade Jughead to branch out a little.

“What’s this?” He eyed the plate in front of him suspiciously as it was placed down by the waitress. Betty had suggested that they go out somewhere different for dinner and he had reluctantly agreed all the while thinking about his cheeseburger and fries, which were across town at Pop’s.

“It’s sushi.” Betty smiled encouragingly as she picked up her own chopsticks and took a piece from the plate in front of them. Jughead looked at the chopsticks in front of him and was not sure where to begin.  He knew what sushi was he wasn’t a neanderthal but a kid living on the Southside with an alcoholic father did not eat sushi, or use chopsticks for that matter.

“I know that Betts, but what’s in it.”

“Just some salmon, tuna, chicken,” she explained as she pointed to various pieces on the plate in front of her. “Try some, you’ll like it.” He took the chopsticks in his hand and tried to copy her motions the utensil awkward in his hand as he attempted to pick up a piece of what she had told him was chicken. He dropped the piece back onto the plate and huffed as he tried to grasp the chopsticks correctly. He felt her fingers move over his as she leant over from her seat in the booth next to him. “Here.” He placed his thumb and finger where they needed to be and got him to make a pinching motion so that he could click the tips together. She removed her fingers and he went again to pick up the piece again quickly putting it in his mouth before he lost it again.

He chewed the piece of sushi in his mouth as she watched him expectantly for his reaction. He finished chewing and swallowed.

“Hmm.” He set the chopsticks back down on the table as he leant back against the booth deliberating on the new taste.

“Well.” She pressed further.

“It’s okay,” he relented.

“You like it don’t you,” she teased a triumphant smile on her face.

“I mean it’s not one of Pop’s burgers but it’s still good.” He mumbled as he reluctantly admitted to himself that it was in fact very good. But the familiarity of Pop’s was still calling him.

“See I told you. Now try the salmon.” She picked up a piece with her own chopsticks and held it over to him.

“Let’s not push it Betts. Leave the raw fish until next time.” She shrugged her shoulders popping the piece into her own mouth as he returned to the plate. She continued to challenge him over the years getting him to try new things and he never regretted a single one.

Who likes PDA more?

The need to touch her has consumed him. Before Betty he would never have subscribed to the concept of PDAs. His life was private and he would have expected that his romantic life would have been even more so. But he can’t help it. Maybe it’s that small part of him that is worried about losing her to someone who deserves him more than him. He needs to show the world, this town that she is his.

He presses his body up against hers as she lets out a little squeak surprised by his forcefulness and willingness to make out with her against her locker in between periods when the entire student population is milling around them. Not that she is complaining as Jughead’s tongue sweeps across her bottom lip and she groans against his mouth as his tongue explores her mouth.

“Ahem.” The two teenagers break apart at the sound to see Kevin and Veronica staring at them. Jughead’s arm is still wrapped around Betty not wanting to break contact with her. “I need to get to my locker.” Kevin explains as they both move aside giving him room. Betty can feel Jughead’s hand moving away from her arm, down her lower back before his hand is inside her rear pocket and she tries to hide her blush as he squeezes slightly.

“You might want to put a hold on the PDA’s Jughead.” Veronica says as her eyes look behind the couple. “Mama Cooper is making her way down the hall.” Jughead’s hand moves away from Betty as if he has been electrified putting distance between them as Betty stifles a laugh, sharing a look with Veronica. There seemed to be only one thing in Riverdale that could dissuade Jughead from kissing Betty in public and that was the possible wrath of Mrs C.

Who would go and do something stupid for $20.00?

The three of them stood outside Thornhill Manor, the creepy old house on the hill where the Blossoms lived. There were so many stories about that house and the ghosts that haunted the halls and the gardens that it was hard to know where they had originally come from, and if any of them were actually true. They looked beyond the gate at the tall house, dark and mysterious. If there was ever a haunted house in a horror movie it would look exactly like this.

“I dare you 20 bucks to ring the doorbell Jughead.” Archie Andrews piped up breaking the silence. Jughead looked at him as if he had lost his mind.

“No way.” He shook his head and started to move away from the gate. Not wanting to participate in one of Archie’s stupid ideas.

“Are you chicken?” Archie taunted.

“No.” Jughead spun around to face him. “Why don’t you do it?”

“I asked you first.” Archie retorted his 12 year old self unable to come up with a better retort.

“I’ll do it.” Betty said, as both boys spun around to face her, their mouths slightly ajar. She hated the way sometimes they didn’t include her in their stupid bets just cause she was a girl. Anything they could do, she could.

“You wouldn’t do it.” Archie said over his shoulder, which caused Betty to put her hands on her hips and stalk up to him, leaving millimetres between their noses.

“Pay up and find out.” Archie sighed and pulled out the note, she went to grab it and he pulled it back.

“You have to do it first.” His face was smug as he indicated to the manor. Betty just moved towards the gate and tightened her ponytail, before pushing the gate open. She flinched a little as it creaked at the movement before she continued her path to the front door.

She gulped as her gaze drifted to the graveyard at the other side of the property, the large barn just beyond it, her imagination drifting to what they could keep in there. Would they put her in there if they caught her? She made the steps up to the front door her finger outstretched, taking a deep breath before she made contact with the button.

“DUNG DUNG” A loud, thunderous sound filled the home and Betty stood there shocked for a moment before she could then hear movement inside and she turned and ran for the gate, where her two friends were still staring at her dumbstruck.

“Run.” She shouted at them as she got closer, Archie started moving at the sound of her voice his athleticism helping him as he was soon a fair distance down the road. She grabbed Jughead by his shirt as she past him urging him to move with her as she could hear a voice shouting behind her, something about those damn kids. But the adrenaline kept her legs pumping fast underneath her as she and Jughead caught up to Archie closer to their homes. They were all bent over trying to re-catch their breaths as well as holding in the nervous laughter produced by the adrenaline running through them.

“Pay up Archie.” She managed to get out through her uneven breaths and he slapped the note into her hand.

“Well deserved Betty, that was awesome.” Archie grinned at her and Jughead noticed the blush that spread across her cheeks as he did so. “So what are you going to spend the money on.”

“Well I was thinking some Pop’s milkshakes for all of us.” She put her arms over both of her friends shoulders as they laughed and made their way to have a victory milkshake at Pop’s.

Who is the one who lies awake at night if they don’t have the other’s arms around them?

He is missing her like crazy. He scolds himself every night when he looks over at the empty space next to him and wonders if she finds it hard to sleep without him too. He reminds himself that he is the one that encouraged her to go. An internship with the New Yorker was not something you just turned down. He wouldn’t let her turn down an opportunity like that for him. That and Alice Cooper would have killed him if she found out Betty had turned down that promising career opportunity for him. And despite himself he had found himself growing to like Alice Cooper and seeking her approval, but he still had a health amount of respect for her as well as fear.

He took out his phone and scrolled through their texts, imagined it was her voice reading them out to him. When that wasn’t enough he scrolled through his photos lingering on each one his fingertip running over the image of her hair imagining how it felt to run his fingers through it. How she would snuggle up to him through the night wrapping her smaller arms around his torso making him feel loved and safe. He tried to imagine them now the weight of them across his bare skin, her soft breaths on the back of his neck but his imagination was a poor imitation compared to the real thing and it brought him no relief only made him crave her more. He jolted when her face flashed up again on his screen, above the words ‘call incoming’ as he swiped across the screen to answer.

“Juggie.” Her voice was quiet on the other end. “I’m sorry if I woke you.”

“You didn’t.” He answers quickly, a sigh of relief at the sound of her voice.

“I couldn’t sleep and I just needed to hear your voice.” He settled his head on the pillow placing the phone next to his ear.

“Me too.”

Who would be the one to cry at their wedding?

He had always thought Betty was beautiful. Ever since that first day in kindergarten when she had told off Reggie for picking on him. Her blond pigtails glistening in the sun, her cheeks red and rosy. But he was going through the girls have cooties phase and would never had admitted to anyone. He continued to admire her as they grew up. The three musketeers, him, her and Archie. That was when he began to realise that she thought Archie was handsome. That she wanted Archie to be her boyfriend and not him.

That year when Jason Blossom was murdered changed everything. Now she wasn’t only beautiful in his eyes. She was smart, determined and loyal. She was everything that he wanted and she was worth the risk of the chance that she might not see him as he saw her just to feel her lips against his own. When she had returned his kiss he knew then that he was lost to her. She had stolen his heart and he didn’t mind one bit.

And now, as she walked down the long aisle, her arm linked with his very soon to be father-in-law he was struck again by just how beautiful she was and how he was so glad he had taken that leap of faith to kiss her.

He felt her reach up when she arrived at the altar, to wipe away the tear sliding down his cheek with her thumb while she cupped his face in her hand. He had never been so happy.

Who buys all the parenting books?

“I think we have enough Betts.” His arms were already feeling the weight of the books that Betty had piled high. He was behind his heavily pregnant wife as she moved around the bookshop.

“Just one more.” She called out as she scanned the shelves in front of her searching for something in particular. She was 8 months pregnant and the reality that she would soon be responsible for another living person had hit her hard. She spent nights on the internet researching everything she could. He hadn’t been surprised Betty has always been an overachiever it made sense that this wouldn’t be any different. But he was starting to worry about how much pressure she was putting on herself and he could already start to see the warning signs. Her search became more frantic and he could hear her start to mutter under her breath, her breathing becoming more laboured. He put down the pile of books onto a chair and walked over to her. Her hands were already clasped into fists as he reached over to take them in his hands.

He turned her to face him. “Betts.” His voice was soft and soothing. Her eyes met his and he could see the panic in them. He pulled her into him, his arms wrapping around her, feeling her bump against his body. She leant her head onto his shoulder as his hand brushed over her hair, feeling her breathing become more even. “You are going to be the best mom this little girl could ever hope for.” He heard her sniff into his shoulder as she buried her face deeper. “And no amount of reading or parenting books is going to change that.” He felt a slight nod and he moved to press his hand against her belly, feeling the slight kicks against his hand.

“I think she is saying she wants a strawberry milkshake from Pop’s.”

“Is she?” he asked, happy to see the smile reaching his wife’s eyes again. Betty nodded. “Well who am I to say no to my two favourite girls.” He linked his arm with hers as they left the bookshop, the pile of books left forgotten on the chair.

Who would cheer on the other in an act of stupidity?“

“You are one supportive girlfriend, Betty.” Kevin commented from beside her as they stood facing the stage where a long table was across the front with 10 people seated at it. They were stood in front of the seat of one Jughead Jones who gave them an enthusiastic wave from his place, in a gesture that was very uncharacteristic for the usually broody teen.

“Well you know I guess this is kind of a passion for him. And I want to support him in that.”

“Even if it is a food eating contest.” Kevin quipped.

Betty crossed her arms in front of her, “Yes, even if it is a food eating contest.” It was the Riverdale annual fair and after the murder of Jason Blossom, the shooting of Fred Andrews and the very near mutual destruction of both sides of town, some frivolity and fun was something the small town was in dire need of. She waved to Archie and Veronica who were making their way through the crowd. Their hands were clasped together as Archie led Veronica through the other onlookers to stand next to Betty and Kevin. Jughead gave another wave to his newly arrived supporters as the food was brought out onto the table in front of the participants. The announcer went through the competition rules while Jughead eyed eagerly the pile of burgers in front of him. Betty knew he must of been using all possible restraint to keep himself and his hands away from the temptation. The announcer began to count down as the competitors braced themselves.

“4, 3, 2, 1.” A horn sounded and the 10 ravenous men and women lined along the table started to eat their food. Before Betty could stop herself she was cheering him on, her voice soaring above the crowd as he briefly looked up at her, giving her a quick thumbs up before he continued. She elbowed Kevin, encouraging him to cheer with her and soon they were all screaming Jughead’s name.

Jughead was laying down in the back of Fred Andrew’s truck, clutching his belly. The small trophy next to him signifying his victory. Betty ran her fingers over his forehead as he groaned.

“Was it worth it?” she asked as she took the trophy in her hand before turning back towards her very ill looking boyfriend.

“Absolutely.”

Who would get the tattoo of their lover’s name?”

“Okay now before you say anything just remember I was drunk and this is all Archie’s fault.” Betty offered him a smile as he groaned and lifted off his shirt. Her eyes were immediately drawn to the word on his left pectoral. ‘Betts’ in cursive. He watched her carefully awaiting a response. “Look I know it’s not me. I can probably get it removed.” He started to babble before she took a step towards him, her fingers reaching out to trace the curve of the ‘B’ and his breath stilled.

He had come in worse for wear that morning.  Archie, his best man had promised a crazy bachelor party, despite Jughead’s very vocal protests and had delivered in full. She had been sitting at the breakfast bar eating her toast when he had slunk into the kitchen and told her he had done something stupid. Betty already had an inkling of what might have happened with Kevin sending her a photo earlier in the night of the group outside a tattoo parlour. But she had never expected Jughead to go through with it.

“Does it hurt?” Her fingertip traced the outline of her name careful not to press too hard.

“Like hell,” he admitted. Grateful for the fact that she didn’t seem to be freaking out.

“Want me to kiss it better?” He nodded and she leant forward to press a feather light kiss against to red, skin surrounding the tattoo. He gripped the counter behind him as she continued the trail across his skin to up his collarbone, and neck before meeting his lips in a kiss. “I like it,” she whispers in between their heated kisses and despite the thumping in his head and his body’s protests he spins her round and hoists her onto the counter delighting in the feeling of her legs wrapping around his hips bring his body flush with her own.

It’s the night after their wedding when she reveals her own little surprise to him, etched across her hip, forever his.

Who would wear the other’s clothes in public?

She tugs the flannel shirt tighter around her smaller frame, the garment swamping her as she walks into the school entry. Even though he is only across town she misses him. She worried for him being over at the Southside on his own. That she might lose him, that he might lose himself.

They hadn’t discussed the jacket, not really. Her face has shown her disapproval and her concern that he would follow in his father’s footsteps. It was true that FP Jones was not a bad man, but he had made some bad decisions. She didn’t want him to make the same ones.

His scent that lingered on the flannel brought her comfort which she desperately needed. She could hear the whispered breaths of her classmates. ‘She’s dating one of them.’ She pulled the flannel tighter, grasping the front of the shirt so tightly in her hand that her knuckles turned white. ‘Guess she really is a Serpent Slut.’ She tried not to let the words break through her armor, not to let them cut her she was a Cooper unkind things had been said about her family for years, especially the Cooper women.

She breathed a sigh of relief as she saw Kevin waiting for her at her locker. A friendly face in a sea of snickers and twisted expressions. He hugged her tightly and she accepted his embrace.

“I’m sorry Betts.” He rested a hand on her shoulder as they broke their embrace. “Just when I was starting to like the guy.” Betty managed a slight laugh at his joke, only being reminded of the fact that he wasn’t there with her. She saw something flash in Kevin’s expression as she turned back to him after entering the combination on her locker which she couldn’t quite decipher. That was until she felt a pair of strong arms wrap around her torso pulling her into a strong chest that in recent times she had become intimately familiar with.

“Why do my clothes always look so much better on you?” He whispered into her ear. The smile spread across her face as she spun round to face him. Without thinking of where they were, or even who they were now she cupped his face in her hands before pressing her lips against his in a chaste kiss. His arms holding her close to him as she broke the kiss still smiling up at him.

“What are you doing here?” she asks grasping his arms tightly just to make sure he is real.

“I missed you. And apparently someone’s mom had some strong and convincing argument with the school board.”

“Looks like me and Veronica aren’t the only ones totally shipping you two. Mama Cooper has joined the team.” Kevin stated as Betty shot him a smile.

“So they said I could finish the school year here and then re-evaluate at the end of the year.”

“I’m really glad Juggie,” Betty said as she squeezed him tighter in her embrace. Suddenly thanks to her mom the rest of the school year did not seem as daunting as it once had. She was keeping this particular flannel shirt of his it seemed to be a lucky one.

Who is the caring one who would do anything for you in an instant?

There is a loud groan from the couch and Jughead is in the living room in an instant, hovering over Betty as she changes position.

“You okay?” He asks not easily able to hide the concern from his voice.

“Just moving.” Betty replies as she attempts again to change her position the size of her stomach at 9 months pregnant makes every movement, no matter how small difficult.

“Let me help.” He offers his arm to hold onto as she grasps onto it and he hoists her into position as she struggles to move up the couch to lean against the armrest her pillows shifting around her. “Do you need more pillows?” He examines the current pillow situation as she shakes her head and gives a final shuffle to get herself into the desired position.

“I wish she would just come already. She’s a week late.” Betty exclaimed, more than over being pregnant. “She must take after her dad.” She pointed an accusing finger at Jughead as if his trait for never being on time had somehow been passed down to his unborn daughter through genetics.

“I don’t think it works like that.” He chuckled. Betty gave him a pointed look and he snapped his mouth shut. “Or maybe it does.” He eagerly suggested. Betty let out another frustrated groan. She was trying desperately to keep calm and patient especially with Jughead who had been supportive through the pregnancy. Giving into her crazy food demands at 3.00am in the morning, rubbing her feet when she couldn’t quite reach anymore. Even allowing Mama Cooper to move in for a short time once the baby was born at Betty’s request.

“I’m sorry Jug, hormones.” He nodded in understanding and pressed a kiss against her damp forehead, sweaty from the moving around.

“I’ll go get you some more water, and then I’m going to give you the best foot rub that is going to make you completely forget about little Miss’s tardiness.” He pat her leg as he went to move to the kitchen.

“Juggie,” she said quietly. “I think my water just broke.” Apparently Emily had perfect timing.

Who brings home a stray dog and begs the other to keep it?

“Juggie!” He could feel his body tense up as he heard her voice shout from the kitchen. “What is this?” He rushed into the kitchen to find Betty looking down at the sheepdog that was in the middle of their kitchen. There was a set of muddy pawprints from the backdoor into the middle of the floor. The dog was happily sitting in front of Betty wagging his tail excitedly and Jughead just thanked his lucky stars that he had not jumped up to try and lick her, yet.

“It’s a dog,” he replied plainly, his hands shoved in his pockets.

“I can see that Jug. What is a dog doing in our kitchen?” The dog gave an excited bark at the raising of her voice and ran over to Jughead who bent down in an instant rubbing behind his ears.

“Well I was walking home from the register and he kind of followed me. I thought maybe we could give him a home.” He pressed his head up against the older sheepdog who was now panting and Betty was not sure which one was giving her the biggest puppy dog eyes at the moment. “Please.” There it was, the slight pout of his lips with those pleading eyes was her undoing.

She let out a groan, “Fine.”

Jughead wrapped his arms around the large dog who enthusiastically licked his face.

Betty came to bend down next to him, scratching the dog behind the ears. “I’m guessing you have already given him a name.”

“Yep, Hot Dog.”

Who bounces their leg up and down constantly?

She is trying to focus on her computer screen and the article that she is writing but her attention keeps drifting. It was their next issue following their expose on Chuck Clayton and the pressure is on to live up to the name that they have made for the Blue and Gold in the short time since it’s revival.

She has started to notice little things about him that she never has before, or maybe she has and just hasn’t given them the attention in her mind that they now demand. He is bouncing his leg up and down as he types furiously at the keyboard, he does that, she’s noticed when he has an idea in his head that needs to be committed to the page and it’s as if his body can’t contain the idea and it’s excitement. It flows through his body as nervous energy until he’s finished and he will lean back in his chair his hands behind his head, give a deep sigh of satisfaction before calling her over.

There is also the way how when he leans over to type into his laptop that that one stray curl that always seems to escape the confines of his beanie falls over his forehead, bouncing slightly as he bounces his own leg. She realises that she is staring at him now her own work long forgotten as she starts to imagine other things.

She wonders what his hair is like now underneath that beanie, it’s been so long since she has seen him without it. Which leads to thoughts about what it might feel like under her fingertips. To run her fingers what she could only assume was a head of thick wavy locks. Her eyes travelled to his fingers, watching as they travelled almost elegantly across his keyboard and she was soon imagining them interlaced with her own, travelling delicately across her wrist, tracing the scars across her palm that she hid from the world. And then inevitably she was at his lips. Pursed in their concentration. They weren’t necessarily full nor thin, perfect, and at that very thought a heat spread across her cheeks and down her neck. She wanted to know whether they were as soft as they looked.

“Betts.” She blinked herself out of her musings at the sound of him saying her name. His mouth forming the words in a way that made her stomach flip, but in a good way. “I’ve finished, you want to have a look.” She plastered on the smile that had become so good at hiding her true intentions, the smile of a friend. Not something else. Not what she really wanted.

Who proposes?

All of a sudden that black velvet box feels so heavy in his pocket. He continues to watch her as she looks out over the city of Paris and he wishes he could freeze time if only for this moment. He knows she hates the word perfect but to him she is and always will be. She’s perfect for him. He walks to join her at the balcony after snapping his last picture of her, the wind whipping through her hair, the sun glistening making it look like spun gold. He wraps his arms around her and pulls her close. She sighs at the contact and relaxes against his chest in his arms, her hands on his arms keeping him close. He leans his head on her shoulder, pressing a kiss against her cheek.

“Beautiful isn’t it?” She muses, and he nods in agreement. He manages to slip one arm away returning to his pocket to pull out the little black box.

“It sure is.” To be honest he couldn’t care less about the view or where they are. All that matters is that they are together. “Betts.” He starts and there is still that hesitation in his voice. No matter how many times he has practiced asking, choosing the right words the right moment he still is nervous. She turns her face to him concerned after all these years she can hear the slight change in his voice betraying his emotion.

“Jug?” She turns her body to face him, her hand reaching up to rest against his check, eyes searching his.

“Betts.” He starts again. Before he bends down to one knee, holding the box open in front of him like he has seen in a million movies when he worked at the drive in. “Will you marry me?” She is trying to find words but can’t, instead she nods her head enthusiastically, blinking back happy tears as he rises to encircle her in his arms. She pulls him into a kiss, pouring everything she has into it as he pulls her against him. The happy couple oblivious to the clapping of the crowd that has gathered around them.

Who is the one who can’t stop laughing when they are tired?

“Stop it Juggie, stop it.” She said through her laboured breathing.

“What?” he asks innocently before he does it again. She’s exhausted. Finals are coming up and she has been cramming like crazy the past few days. He had to practically drag her from her dorm room to come and see a movie with him. He reasoned that she needed to escape the confines of that room and her own expectations for one night. She had sighed heavily before shutting her laptop and letting him wrap his arms around her.

They had gone to the local cinema. She hadn’t visited much not during her first year of college when she was trying so hard to make a good first impression. He had on the other hand visited every chance he got taking on a much more relaxed approach to the first year of college in contrast to her.

He bent down to his popcorn box again picking up the pieces stuck to his tongue keeping a straight face as they tumbled back into the box, making Betty glad they weren’t sharing. It was silly she knew it was but she couldn’t help the laugh that was erupting from inside of her. Making it difficult to breath. Trying to catch her breath and just when she had managed to stifle her laugh to a giggle he would do it again, starting the loop all over again.

“Please - Juggie - I can’t - breathe.” She managed to get out and he relented putting the box down on the empty seat next to him. She took a deep breath again and managed to calm herself only slightly giggling again as she pictured his antics again in her mind. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder pulling her as close as the seats would allow and lent forward to steal a sip of her drink. “Hey,” she exclaimed pulling the drink away.

“Come on Betts. I’ll share my popcorn.”

“No way, Juggie.” A laugh starting to bubble up inside her again at the exaggerated pout on his lips as she returned her cup to between them offering him the straw, he took a long sip before pressing a kiss to her cheek in thanks.

“It’s good to hear you laugh again Betts, even if I know it’s only because you are about to crash.” She slapped him playfully on the chest.

“Am not.” She snuggled further against his chest as the lights dimmed in the theatre signalling the movie was about to start. He heard her chuckle at the ads playing on the screen before her breathing slowed and he looked down to see her eyes closed, glad that she had finally allowed herself a reprieve. He placed his lips gently against the top of her head, thankful that he was the one to give her some peace.

[ramblingthoughtsofayoungadult]

Riverdale’s Pagliacci-Riverdale Imagine

Requested: No

Warnings: some depressing thoughts and it’s pretty long

A/N: I really like Riverdale and had this idea in my head while watching it. Hope you enjoy it! Slight Y/N X Archie

There’s an old story about a man who goes to the doctor because he’s depressed and feels all alone in the cruel world. The doctor tells him to go see the great clown Pagliacci since he’s in town tonight and is sure to lift his mood. The man looks up at the doctor and bursts into tears and says that he is Pagliacci. It’s an old trope about how the funniest people are really the most depressed people. It helps explain things like how the great Robin Williams, who brought joy to so many people, would kill himself. However, when we really think about it, it makes sense: funny people make jokes about the crappy things going on around us to not only distract us but themselves from the horrors of the world. Sure, they’re known as a bright light, but it’s also hard for funny people to express how sad and in pain they really are because they’re supposed to see the humor in everything. Little did my friends and I know that we had our own Pagliacci: Y/N Y/L/N. She used to say that she came out of the womb pulling a funny face and then her mom dropped her so her face would straighten out. It was definitely one of her darker jokes, but it always made people laugh. She always had this look in her y/e/c eyes that said “If you thought that was funny, wait until you see or hear this...”. However, a little after the death of Jason Blossom, the brightness in her eyes was fading away and it was almost too late before my friends and I noticed it. It started off as a normal night at Pop’s for me, writing and brooding until Y/N walked in.

    The bell on the front door of Pop’s dinged as someone else walked into the dinner that fateful night. It was only eight o’clock but Jughead was already three pages into the latest part of his novel and he was in a zone if he did say so himself.

    “Pop’s, the usual please but make my milkshake a double, it’s been one of those days,” Y/N said as she sauntered over to Jughead’s booth.

    The owner chuckled behind the counter. “Right away, Miss Y/L/N.”     “A double chocolate milkshake with extra whip cream? You must plan to die a heroic death by diabetes,” Jughead said without looking up from him laptop screen.

    “My body needs sugar. Without it, it goes all haywire,” Y/N said as she sat in the seat across from Jughead. “Who are you writing about this time? Is it the mysterious Veronica? The golden Archie? Or is it your beloved blonde, Betty?”      “None of the above,” Jughead said, but not without a notable bristle at the word “beloved”. 

     “Then who could you possibly be writing about?” Suddenly, Y/N’s eyes widened and she placed a hand over her heart. “Is it about me? Are you writing about how impossibly charming and witty I am?”

      Jughead couldn’t fight the smile off his face as he tried to remain serious. “I see you’ve humbled with age and no, I’m not writing about you.”

      Y/N scoffed and stole some fries off his plate. “Whatever, I do expect a full chapter of me in that finished novel though. We both know how much amazing material I’ve given you over the years.”

     “Yes, but we’re not all talented at writing jokes about our dearest friends,” Jughead said.

     Y/N’s eyes widened as she remembered something. “That reminds me, I came up with some new jokes.”

    “Have you been invited to perform somewhere?”

    “No, but it doesn’t hurt to be prepared.” She began digging her notebook of jokes out of her backpack without waiting for Jughead’s response.

     “Y/N, I’m kind of busy.”      Y/N narrowed her y/e/c eyes at him and Jughead couldn’t help but smirk. They had a tradition of meeting at Pop’s and they would run their ideas by each other. Jughead would critique Y/N’s jokes and Y/N would critique Jughead’s stories. Sometimes, Jughead would get annoyed with all the physical humor Y/N would do in her acts because he thought she was being lazy while Y/N didn’t always appreciated Jughead’s use of prose nor his metaphors. However, their writing relationship worked and helped strengthen their long friendship.

     “Alright, I’m all ears.” Jughead closed his laptop and leaned forward, giving Y/N all his attention.

     “Okay, I came up with this one during history,” Y/N said.

     “You were writing jokes during history class? No wonder you have a C minus.”

     “It’s not my fault Mr. Sherman isn’t giving me good material. Anyway, it’s all about feminism and how I’m the worst feminist ever,” Y/N said.

     “Okay.”

    “Alright, so, you know how all these girls are upset about getting catcalled. I can’t go five minutes without hearing some girl complain about how a guy whistled at her or fed her a stupid pick up line. Yes, this is probably one of the most common ways that women are degraded by men but you must notice that it only happens to the hot girls. Think about it, when was the last time you saw an ugly girl walking down a street and some guy whistled at her and she rolled her eyes or told him to shut up. Because it doesn’t happen!”

   Jughead started chuckling. “That’s horrible.”

   “I’m not done. When you have a face like this,” Y/N gestured to her own face, “you take what you can get. I am probably the only reason catcalling still exists because when I guy says ‘Yo baby, you got some fries to go with that shake?’, I say, ‘Honey, I don’t just have fries, I also come with a burger and your choice of toy’.”

    Jughead burst out laughing and he held his stomach because it hurt so much. He had tears in his eyes and when he wiped them away, Y/N was smirking. “Do you really say that stuff to guys?”

    “Yes, yes I do. It’s amazing that I’m still single, right?”

    Jughead sighed. “You know, you’re not hideous, Y/N.”

    “Gee, thanks, Jughead. You really know how to make a girl feel special.”

    “I didn’t mean it like that,” Jughead said.

   “Didn’t mean what like what?” Veronica asked.

   She and Betty had just walked in and were standing at their booth.

   “Jughead just said that I was not hideous and it’s probably the most confusing compliment I’ve ever received,” Y/N said.

   “Well, he’s right, you’ve got great legs,” Veronica said.

    “See, Veronica appreciates me!”

   Y/N moved over and Veronica sat next to her. Jughead rolled his eyes.

  “You’re so sensitive.”

   “Your face is so sensitive!”

   “Oh, could you stop being a child for a second?”

   But Jughead had to fight back a laugh since Veronica and Betty were already in stitches. As the two girls laughed, they had genuine joy in their eyes but when Jughead looked at Y/N, there was something missing. They didn’t sparkle like they used to when she told a joke. Sure, she was grinning like a Cheshire cat but when the emotion didn’t reach her eyes, something was up.

   “So, Y/N, do you have any new material?” Betty asked.

   “Yes, but it will definitely trigger all the feminists. It’s going to be great.” Y/N grinned again.

    They quickly fell into a conversation concerning Jason Blossom and Polly which Y/N was barely paying attention to. Whenever Jughead looked her way, she was staring out the window, looking at the pitch black night. Something was definitely wrong but he couldn’t say anything, not right there. 

    Suddenly, her phone dinged and Y/N jumped before answering her phone. Her eyebrows furrowed immediately and then she stiffened.

    “What is it, Y/N?” Veronica asked.

   “I have to go, the maternal parental unit is beckoning me home. I must bid you all adieu.” 

    Veronica let her out of the booth and Y/N turned to Pop’s and told him to make her special to go. 

   “What’s going on?” Betty asked.

   “She’s just worried that something’s going to happen to me if I don’t come home before ten o’clock. Parents, right?”

   “And you will take my suggestions on your catcalling joke?” Betty asked.

   “I’ll see what I can do with fitting the playbook in there but I’d rather not have to worry about the football team coming after me,” Y/N said.

   Betty shot her a look. “Y/N...”

   “Come on, did I not hold the camera while you scared the crap out of Chuck? I am a feminist, Betty, I just like having the door opened for me, I prefer not to pay for the bill at the end of a dinner date, and I really, really like having heavy things carried for me.”

  �� Betty smiled. “True, I’ll see you tomorrow.”    “Okay, and Jughead, please mention my amazing charm and wit in your novel.”     “We’ll see.”

    Y/N playfully rolled her eyes before strolling away and grabbing her dinner from Pop’s. Archie nearly ran straight into her as she tried to leave and he was entering.

     “Oh, sorry, Y/N! You okay?” Archie asked.

     “Yeah, you just nearly knocked the breath out of me. Someone’s been lifting.” Y/N playfully grabbed his arm and squeezed.

    “You’re leaving already?”

    “When my mom calls, I must answer. You do not want to see that woman angry. She puts Godzilla to shame.”

     Archie chuckled a bit. “That’s too bad. I was hoping we could talk.” 

    “About your deep, passionate love for me that you thought was unrequited for all these years?” Y/N spoke in a mock passionate voice. “Of course, my dear ginger, we will speak about it but at some other time. I really must be off.”

    Archie laughed nervously as he rubbed his hand on the back of his neck. “Yeah, uh, you know me so well. I’ll talk to you later?”

     “Sure.”

   If only she had stayed at the diner a few minutes longer, if only Riverdale High’s talented class clown had decided to stay with her red-headed knight and the rest of us. Then maybe, just maybe, she would have avoided witnessing a tragedy. Nothing changes a person’s life like a parent dying, especially if that parent’s death was because of the other parent.

   Police cars surrounded the humble Y/L/N house and the neighbors were all out in the driveway and on the road, trying to get a peek at what had happened. The sheriff and the rest of the policemen did their best at trying to keep them away, but it wasn’t every day that a man killed his wife in cold blood and their daughter witnessed it. Kevin, Veronica, and Archie were three of the first people there while Jughead and Betty came a few minutes later. No one saw Mr. Y/L/N get led into a police car by the sheriff nor did anyone get a glimpse of Mrs. Y/L/N’s body in a body bag, but everyone kept trying to get a peek.

    “Is Y/N okay?” Jughead asked.

    “I think so, she hasn’t come outside at all, though,” Archie said.

     “I can’t believe this happened to Y/N of all people. She must feel awful,” Veronica said.

    “Part of me thinks this is some sort of horrid, cruel joke or prank, but it can’t be,” Betty said. “I just want to talk to her.”

    “Well, they’re not letting anyone in,” Archie said.

    Veronica turned to Kevin and his eyes widened. “Oh, I don’t know, V.”

    “Come on, Kev, you have strings, pull them.”

    Kevin gave up quickly but managed to convince his dad that at least one of his friends should be allowed to go see her.

    “Who’s the closest to her?” the sheriff asked.

    “Well, Jughead, Betty, and I have known her since we were three,” Archie said.

    “You should go see her, Archie,” Jughead said. “I’m not good in these kinds of moments.”

    “Are you sure? You’re her best friend.”

    “Yeah, I’m sure.”

    The sheriff let Archie through and instructed him to be extremely careful about walking into the crime scene. The CSI team was spread throughout the Y/L/N home, looking for any sort of incriminating evidence against Mr. Y/L/N. It was like a ghost house now because Y/N’s house used to be so light hearted and filled with light. Mrs. Y/L/N would offer Y/N’s visiting friends cookies or other baked goods and would ignore Y/N’s comments about how cannabis would make her baking taste better. Mr. Y/L/N would seem like a threatening shadow since he was about 6′3″ and made of pure muscle----doing four tours in Iraq could do that to a man. However, he seemed to be a big softie when Y/N was around.

    Archie didn’t even know what to say when he would see Y/N. She was never a super sensitive person but she rarely showed any emotion besides being goofy or taking things not too seriously. He wasn’t surprised when he found her leaning against the kitchen wall with her arms crossed tightly over her chest. She looked up when she saw him and smiled.

   “My knight in a shining letterman jacket.”

    Archie couldn’t find the words to speak. They seemed to be caught in his throat and it wasn’t the first time Y/N had such an affect on him. She had done it the first time he saw her in preschool. She had been running away from Jughead because he was upset that she’d tried to steal his hat. She was laughing the whole time and teasing Jughead to come get her. When she ran smack into Archie and knocked him down onto the grass, all he could do was stare into the prettiest y/e/c eyes he had ever seen before in his life. So, yes, Y/N was right about him being in love with her. He just never had the guts to admit it. There was no way he would admit it right then and there. So, he did the next best thing: he held her in his arms.

    Y/N didn’t hesitate to wrap her arms around him and bury her face in his neck. She didn’t cry or shake or do anything that most people would do in that situation. She was just quiet.

     “Are you okay?” he finally whispered.

     “Peachy,” Y/N muttered into his skin. She pulled away a little. “My house has turned into a Law & Order crime scene. I’m just waiting for Olivia Benson to walk through that door and ask me questions.”     He knew it was an attempt to make light of the situation, so he just smiled. “Still joking around.”

    “I have to.” Y/N looked at him. “Hey, so, is everyone else here? I’m dying to get out of this house.”    “Are you sure? Don’t they have to question you?”    “Yeah, but they can’t be too mad at me wanting to get some air,” Y/N said.

   Archie nodded and they walked outside together. Y/N paused for a split second when she saw how many people were standing outside of her house. Then, she strode confidently over to her friends with Archie at her side.

   “Y/N!” Betty, Veronica, and Kevin immediately hugged her while Jughead simply watched on.

    “Don’t squeeze the life out of me, ladies and Kev. I’m fine.” She pulled away from them.

     “What...what happened in there, Y/N?” Betty asked.

      Y/N glanced around before leaning closer to her friends. “There isn’t much to say: my mom told my dad that she was leaving him for the man she’s been sleeping with for the past three months and my dad responded by shooting her in the face.”

   “I’m so sorry, Y/N,” Veronica said.

   “Did you see it happen?” Kevin asked.

   “I heard it. My dad was sitting at the table, drinking a beer while my mom bled out onto the kitchen floor. He called 911 and now we’re here.”

    None of her friends knew how to deal with it, not really. Jason Blossom still had just died but this one hit far too close to home for all of them.

    “I hate to break this up but Y/N needs to come to the station for some questions,” the sheriff said.

    “But she didn’t do anything,” Archie said.

     “Of course not. We just want to clarify the story.”      “I’ll be fine, Ginger.” She squeezed his hand. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”      As Y/N walked along with the sheriff with her head held high to begin strengthening the case against her father, we couldn’t help but be amazed. Most people would have been crying or screaming at that point. But Y/N was still joking around. It was as though none of this had really happened. Then again, Y/N Y/L/N was certainly not like most people, but she still felt grief and sadness, she just wouldn’t show it to anyone for a long time. For the next few weeks to come, Y/N acted completely normal. She continued cracking jokes in class and in the hallways. She would go to the Vixens practice and make fun of Cheryl’s instructions or see the Bulldogs practice and cheer for Archie. When her mother’s funeral came around, her eulogy was full of humor and hope. She didn’t dare mention how her mother died nor that she was having an affair. We all became concerned that Y/N wasn’t displaying grief or any kind of emotion besides happiness at the funeral nor at the wake. In fact, when our dear Pagliacci finally expressed her feelings, it was on a normal night.

     “Just you, Jughead?” Pop asked as he slid him a milkshake.

     Jughead nodded. “It seems as though I’ve been stood up, this never happens.”

     “Maybe she’ll show up, still,” Pop said. 

     “It’s almost nine thirty. She never comes later than eight.”       “Still can’t believe what happened to her. First Jason Blossom and now Y/N Y/L/N. A real shame.’

     Jughead nodded, closed his laptop, and called Y/N.

     “Sup?”

     “Where are you? I’m still waiting for you at Pop’s,” Jughead said.

     “Ha! I probably fooled you, didn’t I? I’m probably busy writing a new joke or I’ve gone underground because I’ve been a spy this whole time. Leave a message at the beep!”

     Jughead groaned and hung up. Y/N never let her calls roll to voicemail. Something was definitely wrong.

     “Hey, Juggie, where’s Y/N? She’s usually with you by now, isn’t she?” Betty asked as she slid next to him in the seat.

     “Yeah, but she isn’t answering her phone.”

      “What?” Veronica asked as she and Archie sat on the other side of the booth. “She always answers the phone, even during class.” 

     “Especially during class,” Archie said. “We have to go see her.” 

     “It might not be a good idea for all of us to rush her at her house,” Jughead said. 

     “But we still all have to go. Y/N’s our friend too, Jughead,” Veronica said.

     “Fine, but we have to do it gently.”

    As they all headed out, Veronica grabbed Betty. “You don’t think she hurt herself, do you?”     “I would say Y/N would never do that but I don’t know. She was always super close with her parents and one of them just killed the other in front of her. There’s no telling what she might do,” Betty said.

    They got to Y/N’s house in record time. Archie rang the doorbell and knocked on the door without any answer. The group quickly got more anxious and Jughead grabbed the spare key under the potted plan on the porch and opened the door.

    “Y/N, are you home?” Jughead called.

   “I’ll try her room,” Betty said.

    “I’ll try her parents’ room,” Veronica said.

    “I guess we’ll all split up until we find her?” Archie asked.

    They nodded and went their separate ways. Betty ended up being right because when she knocked on Y/N’s door, she heard something shifting around.

     “Y/N?” she tried to open the door but it wouldn’t budge. “It’s me, Betty, I just want to know if you’re okay.”     “I’m fine.” Y/N’s voice sounded muffled through the door. “I’m just sitting against the door, I got tired of sitting on my bed.”

    Betty slid down to sit on the other side of the door and texted the others that she had found Y/N. “Why didn’t you meet Jughead tonight?”

    “Oh, that’s what I forgot about. To be honest, Betty Blonde, I don’t have any new material right now. I’d hate to just be critiquing JJ’s work the entire time.”

    “He wouldn’t have minded if you would’ve just called. He was really worried about you. We all were.”     “I’m fine, though. I just wanted to take a nap and then I think I overslept. All I wanted to do was sleep today, honestly.”

    Y/N definitely sounded sleepy and quite sad. The need for sleep was a symptom of depression and it would make sense for Y/N to be depressed in that moment. Betty definitely had to handle this carefully.

    “Do you remember the time that Polly and I got into a big fight and I went to my room crying?”     “You have to be more specific.”

    Betty smiled slightly. “We were eight and I called you because I thought that she would never speak to me again. Then, you came over with your CD player and the soundtrack to the Aristocats and demanded that I dance with you to “Everybody Wants to Be a Cat”. So we dance and sang around my room for hours just listening to that song on repeat. Then, you told me that if Polly didn’t want to be my sister anymore, I would always be your sister. And that’s when I knew that you were my very best friend. You made me forget about my problems and I can only hope that one day I can make you forget about yours.”

    “Yeah, I remember your mom yelling at us for being too loud and then banning me from coming over for a week,” Y/N said. “Did anyone else come with you?”

    “Yeah, Archie, Jughead, and Veronica.”     “Tell them to please not eat all of my food. I can barely cook, let alone shop for food.”

     Betty laughed a little. “Okay, I will.”

     “Thanks.”

     Betty went downstairs and was nearly knocked down by Archie since he was the first one to reach her.

     “How is she? Is she okay?”

     “I think she’s suffering some form of depression. All she wants to do is sleep and she wasn’t motivated to do her favorite thing in the world: write jokes.”

     “That’s so sad. Do you think we could talk to her?” Veronica asked.

     “Yeah, one at a time, maybe,” Betty said.

     And that was how it went, one at a time, the four of us tried to talk to Y/N and get her to let us in, not just into her room but into her mind and emotions. It proved to be a difficult feat. 

    “And I must say, the best thing you ever did was ask Cheryl if all her hair was hers in front of all the River Vixens.” Veronica chuckled. “Her face had to have matched her hair. And it was really nice of you to not judge me because of what my father did. No one really does that in this town.”

    “You’re not your father, Veronica,” Y/N whispered. “You must dress a lot better than him.” 

    Veronica laughed a little. “Do you ever stop joking around?”     “Never.”

     A few minutes later, Veronica walked downstairs and she shrugged. “She seems to be acting fairly normal with me, just a little more subdued.”

    Jughead played with his hands. “She’s definitely down but she’s still acting like she’s not. Maybe I should go to talk to her next.” Jughead turned to Archie. “If that’s okay with you.” 

    Archie nodded. “Of course. She’s more likely to open up to you anyway.” 

    “Maybe,” Jughead said. “She wasn’t very open for these past few weeks, though.”

    “Trust me, she’ll say something to you.” Archie didn’t seem bitter about this at all, rather just sad that Y/N hadn’t really confided in him.

     Jughead opened his mouth to speak but kept it close as he went upstairs to talk to Y/N. He didn’t bother knocking on the door as he sat with his back against it. “So, is your phone dead or something? I called you.”

    “I was asleep.”

    “I heard. Are you having fun in there?”

    “No, not really.”

    “You know what would make it a lot more fun?”

    “Dave Chapelle?”     “No, if you let me in. Come on, Y/N. Two’s better than one.”

     “But there’s five of us in this house.”

     “Yeah, but let’s be honest: you are more likely to let me in than the rest of them.”

    “And why is that?”

    “Because we are the most alike. Because we share so much time together. You don’t have to be so happy all the time, you know. It’s okay to be sad, or melodramatic, as long as it isn’t constant.” 

    There was a long pause and for a moment, Jughead thought he lost her.

    “I don’t like feeling sad, Jughead. It feels like a huge weight is on my chest and shoulders. Joking around makes me and everyone else feel better. How could I be sad?”     “You’re allowed to be upset, Y/N. Especially after what you’ve just been through. It isn’t healthy to keep all this stuff bottled inside or keep joking about it. And it definitely isn’t healthy to try to push the people who care about you away.”

     There a long, tension-filled pause before Y/N spoke again.

     “My dad did four consecutive tours in Iraq. He became a decorated officer in the US Navy and did a lot of covert stuff. I was proud of him, though, because my dad was a big, brave soldier. Mom didn’t feel the same way, though,” Y/N said. “She felt lonely because he was never around for four years. So, she started staying out later and coming home later. I knew about the men, all of them. I’ve never seen them, but I would hear her talking to them when she thought I was doing homework or sleeping. I hated her for doing that to my dad, the hero, and hoped it would stop when he got back. Well, it didn’t because for all three months he’s been back, she’s been screwing some other guy. I wanted to tell him but I couldn’t. He seemed too happy to be home but he wasn’t as happy as before he left. He would get real moody sometimes and real unpredictable with his actions.”

     Y/N sighed. “They started fighting a lot and the more they fought, the more jokes I wrote to try and forget about it. Jokes are an escape because if I joke about it, it’s not real. That night, my mom told my dad that she was leaving him for the guy that she’s been sleeping with for the past three months. His PTSD was triggered and he shot her, right in my kitchen.”

    Jughead swallowed and he could only imagine what Y/N must have been feeling. Suddenly, the door opened and Y/N stood there, looking like a dejected doll. Jughead scrambled to his feet.

    “Then, he sat there, drinking a beer as though he had just shot and killed a dear rather than my mom. He went on a mini rampage throughout the house, breaking things and screaming but he never touched me. All I could do was stare at my mom’s dead body as she kept bleeding until there wasn’t any blood left,” Y/N whispered. “And the worst part is he didn’t say anything to me.”

     And that was the first time I ever saw Y/N Y/L/N cry. She is going to hate that I wrote this, but to be completely honest, it’s necessary to explain the kind of person she is. She has to be one of the most stubborn but funniest people I ever met. To see her so vulnerable and miserable in that moment was nearly too shocking. She cried for about twenty minutes, not wailing or wheezing or making any other sort of sound affect. Her shoulders shook as tears ran down her face and I hugged her, feeling tears of my own well up. Misery certainly does love company.

    When Y/N pulled away, she quickly wiped the tears from her eyes. “Sorry about that meltdown.”

    “It’s fine, I’ve seen you at your worst before.”

    “This isn’t my worst?” Y/N teased gently.

     “No, I do recall a time where you forgot to bring swimming clothes with you to the pool but still jumped in.”

    “Yeah, I spent the whole day soaking wet,”  Y/N said. “But I was seven.”

    “The most stubborn seven year old I’ve ever met.”

    Y/N shrugged. “I’m sorry if I worried you about me.”

    “I wasn’t that worried, but the others thought you might be suicidal.”

    Y/N scoffed. “I could never hurt myself. All the possible ways are horrifying. Plus, I’m a bit of a wimp.”

    Jughead smiled. “Same old Y/N.”

   “Same old Jughead.”

   Y/N followed Jughead downstairs and slowly approached Archie. Betty and Veronica sat up in their seats at the dining table while Archie just kept staring at Y/N, looking anxious.

    “Hi, guys, sorry if I made you think that something bad happened. I was just a little down is all but I appreciate your concern,” Y/N said. “It’s good to know that I’ve got people looking out for me, even if it is this motley crew.”

    They all laughed except Archie who walked slowly towards her as though moving any faster would scare her away. “Please, try not to scare us like that again. I hate to think that something else could have happened to you or---”

    Y/N cut him off by cupping his face in her hands and pressing her mouth to his. Betty looked stunned, Veronica seemed smug,and Jughead fought the urge to roll his eyes.

     “Perfect timing,” Jughead muttered as he walked to stand by Betty.

    Archie kissed Y/N back almost immediately but pulled away. “I, uh, what was that for?”

    “I knew you wouldn’t do it and I felt a little sentimental, Ginger,” Y/N said with a smirk.

     And that is the story of Riverdale’s Pagliacci. While she couldn’t cheer herself up, her friends definitely helped her. 

[darkhymns-fic]

Murder with a Side of Lies (Ch. 4)

Another new pocky-eating witness takes the stand, providing both Papyrus and Undyne a real challenge... As well as a chance for the great detective to show off his T.V. show trivia!

Fandom: Undertale Characters: Papyrus, Undyne, Alphys, Mettaton, Sans Rating: PG Chapters: 4/8 Mirror Links: AO3, FF.net Notes: The sequel to Kidnappings in the Early Evening by Sky. A fusion of detective noir fiction and courtroom drama! All stories, art, etc., related to this main story will be under the tag #undertale noir. (chrono)

Suggested courtroom music!

First Chapter Previous Chapter Next Chapter

A Dame a Dozen

After another round of honorable flexing, Aaron appeared to be quite content. The audience settled, the judge snoozed, and the prosecutor posed. Of course, this is the norm for court cases, so I don’t really need to be telling you this, do I, notepad?

Sans yawned. “court’s in session.”

Despite an unhappy reunion with some old pals, Undyne refused to let it get her down. Arms crossed, lips splayed in a fang-filled grin, confidence swelled in her chest and burst into mine.  

Well… that was how we felt at the time at least. I wish I could say we never lost that feeling.

“You dorky detectives proud of yourselves, hm?” Mettaton mused.

Undyne let out a hearty laugh. “Of course! We can take on anything you throw at us!”

A noise which could only be described as pure pleasure passed through the prosecutor’s pipes. “Oh my, I do so hope that’s true, but alas, I fear otherwise!”

At the time, we had simply waved him off. While I always respected and looked up to Mettaton as a great performer, Undyne and I had an unbreakable bond of friendship! Just what could he possibly do to slow us down?

“Darling, darling, don’t be shy, you can come out now!” Mettaton murmured, motioning mildly.

“I-I-I’m coming, s-s-sorry.”

Undyne recognized that stutter instantly. Her confidence shattered.

“H-h-hi Undyne…” Alphys mumbled, attempting to make eye contact but only managing to stare at her yellow feet. “S-sorry.”

I certainly wasn’t ready for that either! Alphys wore her usual purple and black overalls filled to the brim with Mettaton flair. Although, something was off since I had last seen her. Her scales were paler than I remembered, like something had drained the color right out. Even when no one spoke, she winced in pain, rubbing her temples.

“Now now, don’t apologize, darling!” Mettaton cooed. “Please, do tell the court your name and occupation!”

The scientist appeared as if she had to think on this one. “I-I-I��m Dr. Alphys,” she stuttered. Much like Undyne, Alphys had a vice of her own. Unable to handle the pressure, she dug out a small box of candy sticks labeled ‘Pocky’ from her pockets, placing one of the chocolate sticks in her mouth. “I-I’m a scientist, obviously. I c-c-created Mettaton and he was k-k-kind enough to give me a job when he became a s-s-star.”

“Yes! And it’s a fabulous job, isn’t it? Could you ever ask for more?” Mettaton added, bathing in Alphys’ praise. “Tell the people how much you love it!”

Another wince. She held her eyes closed tight for a moment, shaking her head as if she were dizzy. “I-I do love it, y-yes…”

“Objection!” Undyne roared, slamming a fist into our desk. The outburst startled Alphys, causing her to sporadically eat her candy even faster. “Don’t force Alphys to praise you!”

“I-i-it’s all right, Undyne, really,” she tried to say, but no one was listening.

“Forcing praise? Me?” With a dignified twirl the rascally robot faced his audience. “How can I force anyone to love me when they already do?” He held out his arms and basked in their uproarious applause. I had to try my darndest not to join in! It looked like so much fun! But Undyne would probably get mad if I did.

A vein pulsed across my fishy friend’s forehead, threatening to burst! Scary! Splinters of wood exploded in every direction as she pounded her fist harder and harder into the desk. “You worthless trash bin! You’re completely blinded by that fat ego of yours! You don’t care how she feels at all!”

I frowned. Ironically, it seems I was the only one paying attention to Alphys at this point. The poor girl wanted to be anywhere else but in the middle of this. “G-g-guys…”

Another wagging finger as Mettaton reflected the insults away effortlessly. “Hmm? Some nerve calling me a trash bin when you still have spaghetti stuck to your hair.” He laughed. “Or is that just your natural hair color? Week-old spaghetti?”

Her eyelid twitched, and her lip oozed frightening dark stuff from grinding her fangs too hard. I tried my best to soothe her rage. “UNDYNE, THAT’S NOT SO BAD! I LOVE SPAGHETTI!” That only seemed to enrage her further.

She turned her head to face me and that lone eye of hers burned brighter than a gasoline fire. For once, I found myself speechless.

Fart fart fart. PPPPPFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFAAAAAAAART!

The room went completely silent. Mettaton’s lights went out, Undyne’s rage was replaced with an inexplicable confusion, and the audience was absolutely dazed.

“heh, good ol’ whoopee cushion,” Sans laughed contently, holding his gavel above the rubber toy. “i don’t want this trial turning into a big ‘ol stinker, (heh) ok, fellas? how about we let alphys speak instead of fighting over her.”

Normally, I’d be incredibly angry at my brother for being so childish! But, that was incredibly effective! Even I couldn’t get control over Undyne! Her fiery hatred was doused once she saw her girlfriend gnawing down those candy sticks faster than a beaver hyped up on coffee.

Of course, this didn’t mean Undyne was going to apologize any time soon! “Yeah. You’re right,” she said solemnly, crossing her arms.

“GREAT JOB, YOUR MAJESTY!” I gave a thumbs-up to my bro, who in turn got me a wink back.

“Your Honor,” Undyne corrected.

“HONORABLE, YOU MEAN. I AM HONORABLE, YES I AGREE!”

“No, I mean – ngah, forget it.” She sighed.  “Let’s just get this over with.”

“Agreed.” The boxy bot bowed brilliantly. “Alphys, darling, if you could tell us what you know?”

Alphys let out a startled ‘meep’ once the attention was finally back on her, scattering her precious candy sticks across the floor. “O-oh, yes. Of c-c-course!” She pulled out a piece of paper with a big-headed big-eyed human on the top corner. “I-I did an analysis on the d-d-dust once the dogi brought it to me last night. According to my t-t-tests, Burgerpants’ estimated time of death should be very close to 8:30 PM.”

“HOLD IT!” I shouted, causing Alphys to jump in shock and scramble for her paper. “WOULD YOU MIND TELLING US HOW YOUR TESTS CAME TO THIS CONCLUSION MS. ALPHYS?”

Gasps and wheezes blew out of her lungs as she attempted to correct her breathing. “Y-y-yes. R-r-right.”

Undyne was concerned. “Hey, Pap, mind trying not to yell so much? She looks a bit more nervous than usual.”

I nodded. I’d try my best at least?!

Deep breaths. Alphys nodded to herself and continued, “T-t-to put it simply, I test the dust’s t-t-t-temperature. Based on how warm or cold it is; I can p-p-pretty much accurately find out the monster’s time of death. When I received B-B-Burgerpants’ dust later that night, I noticed straight away how w-w-warm it still was. He c-c-clearly had fallen down quite recently.”

“INTERESTING!” I mused. Undyne glared. I coughed and tried to clear my non-existent throat. (It’s very therapeutic even if I don’t have one!) “Interesting. What about the rain? Wouldn’t that have messed up your calculations?” Boy, I had to really really strain my voice just to keep it this low!

She shook her head. “I a-a-accounted for the rain, don’t worry. Even with all that, it was still quite w-w-warm.”

“To add on to that,” Mettaton interrupted, tossing a handful of glamorous glitter our way. “Catty was found with the burgers and the dust of our dearly deceased at almost exactly 8:30 PM as well.”

The judge was laying his skull on his arms, looking drowsy. “that’s some pretty hot evidence against the defendant.” Gah! Puns aside, he was right!

Another wag of the finger. “Oh, but that’s not all, darlings! My sweet Alphys also witnessed the deceased’s final hours!”

My eyes bulged out of their sockets at what felt like a terrible blow to our defense. Nyeh! Not that I was afraid or anything!

Alphys was positively shoveling that pocky down her throat, sweat dripping from every angle I could imagine. “Y-y-y-yes, it’s t-t-t-true. I w-w-w-was at w-w-work at the time and I s-s-saw Burgerpants l-l-l-leave at 8:00 PM. H-h-he even said he was g-g-g-g-going to meet Catty.”

“I can corroborate that,” Mettaton chimed in. “As his wonderful boss, he gladly told me that he was going to see a friend that night! I didn’t see him leave, however, but luckily I can always count on my darling Alphys!”

“HANG ON!” I yelled again, before remembering to use my quiet voice. “What’s your relationship with the victim? What was his job?”

Mettaton’s lights animated into a bright red exclamation mark. “Oh my, how silly of me! I should have mentioned this before! Burgerpants was a dear dear employee of mine. He worked in the fast food department of MTT studios. He absolutely loved his job and loved me with all his heart!” He placed a hand against his ‘forehead’ and made like he was going to faint. “Oh, my dear sweet Burgerpants! How I miss thee!”

Call me crazy, but I don’t think he missed thee at all!

This was quite the evidence they had against Catty! I must admit, I was floundering a bit behind the desk. Undyne was lost in thought, however, moving her cigarette carelessly between her lips.

“Ms. Alphys,” I said through strained tones. “You’re sure you saw Burgerpants that night?”

Her glasses fogged up and her breathing intensified again. I wasn’t even loud! That shouldn’t have startled her! “Y-y-yep! 8:00 PM! For s-s-sure!” She tried to give me a confident smile, but it kind of just unnerved me.

Mettaton motioned with what appeared to be a nod. “Alphys was scheduled to work till 8:00 PM that night as well, so you can be sure she’s telling the truth.”

This didn’t seem right! Alphys was extra nervous, even for her! Could she be lying about when she last saw Burgerpants? Why would she lie? Even if she was, how could I possibly prove it?

I looked over to Undyne for assistance. Who would know more about Alphys than her girlfriend, of course! But she remained strangely quiet, staring ahead, deep in thought again. “UNDYNE!” I whisper-yelled, breaking her out of the trance. “DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEAS?”

She frowned, unable to keep eye contact with me. “I might. But…”

“BUT WHAT? THE UNDYNE I KNOW WOULD NEVER HESITATE!”

A few blinks. Undyne kept her voice low. “I don’t know. Alphys is already so stressed, you know? She looks sick with it even. I don’t want to embarrass her or anything,” she sighed. “Like I did with Dogamy and Dogaressa.”

Ah, of course. Undyne was a fierce warrior, but she’d never hurt her friends! On purpose, that is. Well, maybe a little on purpose, but usually only with physical violence.

“CATTY IS DEPENDING ON US, THOUGH!” I argued. “WE PROMISED WE’D HELP HER! YOU DON’T WANT SOMEONE TO GET FALSELY ACCUSED IF YOU KNOW SOMETHING, RIGHT? IMAGINE IF I GAVE SOMEONE A PLATE OF SPAGHETTI AND I KNEW IT WASN’T ABSOLUTELY DELICIOUS! THAT WOULD BE WRONG!”

She thought on that for a moment. “I’m not so sure about that analogy, but I guess you’re right.” Undyne clenched her fist. “Justice needs to be delivered.” Just like my delicious spaghetti! Justghetti! Oh! I’m keeping that one!

“Tick, tock, darlings!” Mettaton mimed a watch on his hand. “Or have you finally given up?”

“We’ll never give up,” Undyne grinned, eye flaring with a magical light. “Alphys.”

The mousy lizard flinched at that. “Y-y-yes, Undyne?”

My fishy friend calmly placed her palm down on the battered desk. “You say you saw Burgerpants leave work at 8:00 PM last night. Sunday, wasn’t it?”

Pant. Wheeze. Alphys was sweating more bullets than a machine gun. “Y-y-yep! Sunday at 8:00 PM!”

“I have a hard time believing that.” Undyne’s eye was sharper than her spears.

Alphys laughed, but it was a high-pitched laughter. “W-w-why would you think that?”

Her words were slow. Deliberate. “Game of Bones. I know you’ve heard of it. It airs new episodes every Sunday at 8:00 PM.”

Oh! Game of Bones! I loved that show! It was about skeletons living in medieval times, fighting for a chance to sit on the Bone Throne! The show is filled with betrayal, twists, and steamy romances! I never miss it myself.

Judging by Alphys’ reaction, she appeared to be quite the fan, too! Her eyes lit up for but a moment at the mention of the name, ready to gush. “S-s-sure! I l-like Game of Bones! S-so what?”

Undyne frowned and pointed an accusing spear her way. “I watch it with you every week! You’d never miss even a second of it, no matter what!”

Wowie! What a twisting attack! But, this didn’t have the effect on Alphys that I thought it would! She didn’t get nervous at all! In fact, her face crinkled up in what looked to be anger.

A pocky stick in her grip crumbled to dust in her claws. “Y-yeah?! W-w-what do you know! You weren’t with me t-t-this week!”

I don’t think Undyne was ready for that either. The counter attack nearly knocked her off her feet, leaving her stunned. Now that I think about it, Sunday night was the time Undyne was sad and missing from work. I guess she was avoiding Alphys during that time as well.

A fit of loud clapping brought all our attentions back to Mettaton who’s lights blinked with distraught. “There’s a problem with your little theory, darling. First of all,” he held up one finger. “Alphys would never ditch work like that!” He held up two fingers. “Second of all, why wouldn’t she just record the show to watch later?”

Alphys was nodded angrily, chomping into her pocky with an aggression that could only be matched by her girlfriend. “Y-y-yeah!”

A flick of the wrist, so lax and so simple, and their attacks were deflected. Undyne’s grin was wild, untamed, as if she were in the heat of real battle. “If I’m understanding correctly, you should have had no time to watch Game of Bones yet, right Alphys? You must have been working with Mettaton on those tests non-stop.”

Metal screeched and hissed inside his chassis. “Of course she was working with me, darling,” the words were spit out like battery acid. “Alphys is a hard worker and would do anything for me. The only shows that could possibly make her slack off would be my own!”

Alphys nodded, but her anger had tensed. Her armor cracked. Clear to all, especially Undyne. “I-I-I was planning to watch it after the trial was over!”

Mettaton’s lights blinked way too brightly. His glitter-filled gloves gripped and grappled his desk with such a grievous force. “Exactly, darling, and there’s no way you could prove she watched it!” He cheered and posed for the audience, but it was stiff and angry. Undyne had gotten under his plated skin.

Undyne’s words were as smooth as water, as still as a light brook in the forest. “You’re gonna have to try a little harder than THAT.”

A short circuit. A skull and cross bones animated itself over Mettaton’s body, blinking blood red. No one was supposed to outdo him! No one could steal the show from him! “You! You’re just bluffing! A cheap bluff, too! No one should be falling for this amateur act!” Wowie! I think steam was literally whistling out of his body?

His words were nothing but a cool breeze to her. In fact, Undyne appeared to enjoy it. “Oh, Papyrus!” she called out politely.

Oh yeah! I’m here! Wowie, I was so enthralled in their battle, I completely forgot! “YES, UNDYNE?”

She faced me, but her eye was locked on Alphys. “Can you tell me what your favorite part of Game of Bones was last night?”

Before I could even think to speak, a shrill “S-S-stop! Spoilers!” rang out. If I had any ears, I’m sure they would be ringing after that.

Alphys fell right into Undyne’s trap, and both knew it all too well. Still, neither planned to give up. Mettaton, however, was left out, and furious about that fact.

“But, I need to prove a point here, Alphys,” Undyne cooed almost sarcastically. “A few spoilers to prove you’re not lying in a court of law shouldn’t be so bad, right?”

“yeah, considering this is a murder case and all, i’d say a few show details wouldn’t spoil the case,” Sans added. “i’ll allow it.”

Mettaton’s fingers twitched and clenched at the edge of his desk, ready to throw the entire thing in a fit of anger. “Alphys, darling,” his voice was spiking and crackling. “It’s just some stupid show. I’m not even in it! It can’t be that important!”

The pocky must have been consumed by the pound at this point. In her haste, she bit her finger on accident and screeched. “F-f-fine! I-it’s just a d-d-dumb show! I-I don’t care!”

I could swear that Undyne had a heroic wind blowing through her hair somehow. “Go, ahead, Papyrus! Tell us about some of your favorite scenes last night!” The wind stopped howling for a moment. “But, uh, a bit quietly please. For Alphys.”

Oh boy! Well, there was so much! Where to even start? Game of Bones was one of my favorite shows!

“It was all so perfect!” I started, really trying to contain my voice. Even just those words caused Alphys to cringe, but I haven’t the foggiest idea what was so wrong with that. “Tybia Boneister was great! Sure, he was small, but using his intellect and cunning, he was able to escape out of all sorts of sticky situations!”

“yeah, that guy’s my favorite.” Sans winked.

“Oh, and then there was Jon Bone!” I went on, remembering. “He got into some antics with a girl skeleton and she kept saying ‘You know something, Jon Bone? I really like you!’ Boy, was that funny!”

Alphys was breathing heavily. Her glasses were completely fogged up now, keeping her eyes hidden from all of us.

“I know it’s hard to believe, that I, The Great Papyrus, might weep, but when Bonesis sacrificed his favorite toy so that he could win the baseball game…” I sniffled. Just thinking about it gets me feeling like jelly! “I cried! The writing was so beautiful! To think he still lost that game… I was so sad!”

Alphys held up a finger like she was about to halt me. She mumbled something to herself and shook her head. Mumbled a few more words. Shook her head more. She nodded. Was she having an argument with herself? I hoped she was okay. Undyne urged me to keep going, but I was starting to fear for Alphys’ safety.

“Then there was this part with Sir Bony Stan! Oh! We finally got to see him use his mythical karate chop slams!” I mimicked the fight to the best of my ability, and it was amazing, of course. Everyone was impressed. “The end of it though…” I know I was given the okay to spoil it, but I didn’t want to. “Well, let’s just say it was a great fight and ended perfectly!”

Something cracked. Eh? Glass crunching? Or the sawing of wood? What was-

“NO! NO! NO, NO NO! IT WAS SO STUPID!” the voice screamed. Alphys?! “It was completely different in the manga! Sir Bony Stan was the best karate fighter in the entire Game of Bones universe! How did he get beaten by a bunch of fat untrained rich guys like that?”

I faltered. “W-WELL HE WAS SURROUNDED--”

Alphys slammed a claw down on the podium, breaking it in half. “Surrounded?! So what!? The greatest karate master shouldn’t have gotten into a situation where he was surrounded!” Her words exploded out of her lungs clearly and passionately. “In the manga, he was able to get SIX homeruns in a row, without even using a bat! Just by using his karate alone!”

“O-OH. W-WELL I DIDN’T READ THE MANGA SO--”

Alphys huffed. “Of course you didn’t read the manga! I could crush my glasses on the floor and I’d still be able to see you didn’t read the manga!”

“I-I DIDN’T--”

The scientist didn’t stop there. “Ugh! Bonesis would never sacrifice his favorite toy either! That’s not canon at all! It was so dumb! He loved that toy! In the manga at least, but clearly the show doesn’t care about its plot anymore if last night’s episode is anything to go on!”

The rants went on for about five or ten minutes. I chose to leave that part out because Alphys started using some language that I refuse to repeat! Even Undyne looked a little scared, but also proud?

Once she had gone through the entire episode in extraordinary detail and told us why parts of it were terrible, the little lizard finally returned to her original form. The silence was so thick and uncomfortable I could taste it. Tasted like instant noodles?

Mettaton had shut down during the rant. His lights slowly flickered back to life once he realized the torture was over. “Alphys,” Mettaton mumbled meagerly. He reached out towards the heavens as if the gods themselves unfairly tortured his soul. “Alphys, darling, you’ve killed me.”

Well, that was a bit overdramatic, even for Mettaton! But, was he really acting anymore?

“S-s-sorry…” Alphys stuttered out through heaving breaths, rubbing her temples. The poor girl drifted back and forth in a woozy rhythm, leaning against the splintered and battered podium. “I-I… I shouldn’t have lied to you, Undyne.” The fishy girl frowned. “Or to you, Mettaton.” The confident computer blinked silently. “I s-s-shouldn’t have lied to anyone.”

The room was still. Neither side could find what to say. Only Alphys could continue. “I-I’ve been so stressed lately.” She kept her eyes to the ground. “I-I’ve had more work on the side than just for you, Mettaton.” He didn’t pose, he didn’t reply in a sassy tone, he simply listened. “And I knew Undyne was going through a t-t-tough time too. I-I didn’t want to be selfish. I wanted to be s-strong for everyone.”

“Alphys,” Undyne said reflexively.

“No, no,” Alphys shook her head. “I-I won’t pretend it was a good excuse to lie. My testimony should be inadmissible.” She sighed heavily. “If I’m going to be c-c-completely honest here, I don’t even know if the time of death is correct. I haven’t b-been able to rest enough, and my temperature readings just weren’t making sense.” She finally looked over to Mettaton. “I’m s-sorry. I really m-messed this up.”

A strange thing happened then.

“No, darling, I’m sorry.” Mettaton apologizing? I’ve never even seen him do that in a TV show! “I’ve overworked you and I’ve taken you for granted, haven’t I?” His voice was soothing, sweet. Real, even. “Without you, I wouldn’t even exist. I should have listened to you, I should have noticed you were struggling, but I have a hard time focusing on anything but myself, I suppose. I know it won’t mean much now, but I’m going to give you a few days off.”

Alphys must have been expecting backlash. She was surprised, but relieved to hear those words. “T-that would be really nice. Thank you, Mettaton.”

Such a touching moment! My bony heart wanted to burst! “Awwww!” the audience and I murmured in unison. Rose in hand, spotlight sparkling, Mettaton’s chassis blinked with a bright red heart over his screen. He basked in their praise a little too much.

“while i’m really glad we finally learned what’s up with the doc,” Sans chuckled. I don’t get it! “with the testimony being inadmissible and all, we’re gonna need some more evidence to prove catty meowled the victim.”

Yes! Things were going in our favor again! I just hope something doesn’t pop up at the last second and –

“Hold it! (Yeah, hold it!)” barked a couple of voices. Aw, geez. “We’ve found some new evidence at the crime scene! (Yeah, see! We’re good dogs!!)”

Tongues lolling and muzzles panting, the dogi couple scampered up onto the court stage, overshadowing Alphys’ meager form quite easily. They were running in circles, their tails wagging every which way.

Sans called them over. “what’d ya find?” he asked.

The dogi were too excitable and couldn’t stand still.

“sit,” Sans ordered casually, but with a hint of sternness. 

Dogamy sat almost instantly. Dogaressa was a bit shocked but then realized she’d probably be out of a treat if she didn’t follow suit, so she sat too.

“drop it.”

They handed it over to Aaron the bailiff who handed it over to Sans.

“good dogs.”

At the sound of praise, the dogi immediately lost control of their enthusiasm again, hopping around and doing circles with each other all while still nuzzling and licking.

Mettaton was quite interested. “Well? Don’t keep us in suspense! What is it?”

Sans held the evidence in his phalanges casually, flipping the tiny pink thing through his bony fingers. The light of his eyes focused and stared. “ain’t got a clue,” he shrugged.

“It’s a nail! (A nail from that cat!)” the dogi barked. “We found it at the crime scene! (It’s pink! We had someone else check!)” Dogaressa growled her last words out, clearly not wanting to admit or remind anyone about their color-blindness. 

Aww, it really was pink this time. Catty certainly seems the type to have pink nails, too. This couldn’t be good.

Sans looked over the evidence one last time. It was incredibly shiny, gaudy even. “yeah, does appear to be a nail, doesn’t it…” his words vanished as he became lost in thought.

Mettaton managed to clap his hands together quite loudly. “Y-your Honor!” A stutter? “If I might make a suggestion! I think we should take a thirty-minute break to analyze this new evidence and see where to go from here!”

Sans nodded, and suddenly the new evidence couldn’t be less important to him. With a flick of a wrist, he tossed it aside. “sure, why not? i could use another nap. any objections?” He looked our way.

As much as it pained me to not scream another loud ‘objection’ at the top of my magical lungs, I had to keep my cool! “NO OBJECTIONS, YOUR MAJESTY!”

“cool. meet back in a half-hour or whatever,” he yawned, placing his sleepy skull down into his arms.

Just what could this new evidence mean? Sure, the dogi claimed it was Catty’s but I had a strange feeling about it. Undyne agreed with me. Even Mettaton was particularly panicky!

Oh! Where did Alphys go?

She must have left when no one was looking.

[thebrittneyparker]

Hi, #Visionistas!

So I thought I started this blog during my long day of basketball shinanigans with the kiddo. Well, that didn’t happen. So here I am, sitting in the cool A/C in my humble abode. Yes, mi casa! Monday we had a wonderful, yet surprisingly manner filled day at Claremont Village in Claremont, CA. Literally, these kids did pretty well. My son, of course always does well, although sometimes I have to “go there”. I didn’t really have to “go there” with him.

I took my three cousins, Ely’Jah, Preston and Riley along with Caleb. On top of that, we took the train! YES! The whole Metrolink train from one city to the next. It was their first time.  It was nice to take it a few cities over. Honestly, I would do it again. Ehhhh.. maybe to LA? lol.

Anyway,

We hopped off the train right in our location. It was actually refreshing to get out and walk the town. We stopped at a toy store with all kind of cool toys and gadgets. The boys wanted to spend their money but they splurged at the mini arcade.

(L,R) Ely’jay, Caleb, Riley, and Preston. The boys growing up into men! I am always amazed at the things that come out of their mouth. You can learn from them and grow if you pay attention. I was very proud of them this day.

  After the toy store (totally forgot to get photos), we stopped at The Village Grille which is AMAZING foods. The photo below is my rendition of The Beatles album cover. LOL, I tried. They had to take strict directions which probably put a stickler in their plans but I think it kept them in order. 

Here are photos of them getting their grub on at the Village Grille! These burgers were SUBPERB. Literally but I couldn’t eat it all. I’m trying to change my lifestyle and get full really fast. I don’t know if it’s the dialysis or what.

Village Grille

  Everyone had burgers beside Preston (the one on the end)! He had these beautiful chili cheese fries. For some reason, the photos that I took are not on my phone. I was switching from phone to camera and now my phone photos are nowhere to be found. It might be safe to say, they got deleted.

 We found our way down a little walkway that led to a major street. It was nice and quaint! They found these little what I call “loopholes” to get acrobatic with. Here they are showing off their circus talents! I thought I’d be tired of walking around especially after those huge meals they had. NOPE. Then came the fun…

A comic book store and arcade SAVED THE DAY! Yes, I was completely. The arcade was fun for them to play for an hour. Of course we got the all day pass because what is life?! I’ll randomly add more photos from my camera so you’ll have to keep checking back and reading!

  TheMomLife: Staycation Chronicles: A Train Ride to Claremont Village Hi, #Visionistas! So I thought I started this blog during my long day of basketball shinanigans with the kiddo.

[wishingfornever]

11/18/17 – No Contact:  State of Decay

Esther’s Nation will be destroyed today.  Or tomorrow, I’m not sure.  That’s sad, but it’s acceptable.  Less of a spit in the face, you know?  I made her flag.  Glad she won’t be using it anymore.

Last night, I couldn’t sleep.  I came up with a plan to target Dennis. He, in his foolhardiness, believes he has to froth and demand and yell in order to defend Esther.  I know this because he got on Shane’s case for calling Esther a whore.  Then Shane got on my case and claimed he didn’t, even though he just deleted the message.

What a dick.  I know what I saw, I know how I felt when I saw him call Esther a whore.  I remember because I felt the same when she called herself a whore. Whatever.  Point is, if I wanted to get back at Dennis, I’d have to offend Esther in some way.  That way, he’ll start frothing and will threaten me.  In his anger, he’ll call me out in a sort of sense that says, “Fight me!”  He’ll do this because he doesn’t think I’ll return but I plan to come back for my truck.  Thus, I’ll accept the challenge and show up.  I’ll bolster and taunt and he’ll cower inside, not really expecting to fight.  I’ll show Adriana what he said and told her I accepted and that he picked a fight with me. The thing is, if he DOES fight he’ll have to invite me onto his property as well as agree to a fight.  That’d be totally legal. Private property.  That’s how boxing is still legal.

That said, I’m not expecting him to fight but I am expecting Adriana to yell at him.  It’ll cause struggle and strife and would be enough to punish him.  If he does decide to fight, then I get to slap him around.  It’s a win win.

One problem is is that Esther would hate me for it.  Worse yet, the only way I can see it coming to fruition is if I just let loose her secrets to her mother.  That’d be the only way to target her right now.  And I’m not entirely convinced I can do that to her just yet.  An inability to commit… that’s my biggest problem.

Thing is, I considered doing something else.  He was looking for a job, right?  I mean, not anymore obviously, but he was.  I was going to try to find out what job he had and then call and leave a horrible complaint that would lead to him getting fired! BAHAHAHAHA!!!

Problem is, that’s illegal.  Not that I generally care about the law, but I’d rather not do something that would jeopardize myself.  It’d be a great way, but it’s slanderous and would lead to a financial loss and I could get sued. Even if I’m sure he’d NEVER find out (which I’m sure he wouldn’t because nobody ever checks anonymous complaints) it’s still not a good idea. I’m angry, but I’m not going to break the law to have vengeance.  Rather, I will dance near the edge but well within the confines of what is allowed.  It’s worse that way for him because he’ll want to retaliate but he can’t. I know what you’re thinking.  You’re thinking that I hate him again, but I don’t.  I’m just… bitter.  I demand justice in my divine pettiness.  He has done a LOT of suspicious things and I never held him to it.  I chose to let it go but he decides to block me again? Fuck.  That.  Shit. Hell, Esther deserves to get shit on as well.  It’s coming back to me and I wasn’t that bad to her.  Of course, I did do those things she’s claimed I’ve done but it wasn’t as frequent as it sounded to be. Not trying to justify anything, but I had entirely stopped before everything went down.  And, of course, she put me through the wringer too. Keep in mind, before “The End” she and I were planning something.  She’d come back just to see me.  She said it’d help her.  If I were as bad as I seemed, she wouldn’t have agreed to that.  Or maybe she lied and said that to make me feel better.  I don’t know.  I trust her, though.

So… might be worth it.  But I’m not angry enough to do that.  I guess I’ll keep it, just in case something happens.  I doubt it would, but who knows?

It occurred to me.  I made a joke about giving Dennis a character and making that character have a tiny penis in one of my books.  Why don’t I do that? That’s a good vengeance… my side of the truth, taken for all.  Of course, my side will be the most honest truth.  Not because it’s me but because I’ve acknowledged my shortcomings.  I’ve confronted my wronghoods.  It will be the most honest because I don’t care about my own image. It’ll have to be in that book idea I was flirting with.  Basically a Jade Empire fan-fiction, but more lore I suppose.  Fantasy China.  I already have the names.

It’ll be perfect.  There is no grander revenge than telling the world he has a tiny penis.  And it’d be legal because it’s not him but inspired by him.  Then again, imagery laws are a pain in the ass. I’ll have to look.

Eh… Looking back.  I find it ironic.  I’m still just so upset but a few weeks ago, I wasn’t.  I was hurt.  I said I was planning something but nothing ever came from it.  I sent him an email, using one of the videos Esther made when she was here.  Just a masturbation session, nothing important.  I sent him an email wanting to make up. I offered the video despite him blocking me and I even told him a few things to help him out.  Nothing much…  I feel dumb now.

Ugh… I’m just… so disheartened right now.  Time to immerse myself elsewhere.  ><

Oh! They’re finally releasing a WWII Enfield Airsoft Rifle.  That’s really great.  Appropriate one too, not the earlier variant.  I know, a bit random considering my angry rant but Youtube proposed a video demonstrating it.  If you know me, I LOVE history and airsoft so historical airsoft rifles are perfect.  I’m super stoked.  It’s a good thing.

Anyways, Adela is asleep right now.  I’m going to skin some carrots and eat them because I’m waiting for dinner.  We’ll go shopping today or tomorrow.  No more Hot Pockets. They’re… too easy.  Too quick.  By the time I eat one, I already want another. So, they’re not healthy.  I was hoping they’d be a quick meal substitute but they’re not.  I guess I’ll have to use the rod on myself and focus on getting food that requires SOME effort.  Otherwise, what’s the point?  I’ll just eat right through it.

I still have a couple onions and a tomato that I haven’t chopped up. I’ll do that later today.  I wonder if I still have bread…  Might make a breakfast sandwich for myself when I’m done with the onions and tomatoes.  Or I could do something with the broccoli.  You know, what I’ve been flirting with this entire time.

Nah, carrots for now.  Broccoli tomorrow.

I spoke to Ariel.  She hasn’t been eating lately, so I was making sure she was.  She had McDonald’s which is weird because she isn’t usually into fast food.  However, it’s still… edible, I guess. Don’t want her to starve, even if what she is eating is unhealthy as sin.

I want a burger right now.

Just finished the carrots.  They were… meh.  Ah, well.  :/

I received some peculiar news.  Very peculiar.  I’ll keep it to myself for now, but science is ahead.  The coming experiment will involve my lovely Ariel and her beliefs.  There is a chance she could LITERALLY GET HURT but there is also a possibility that she won’t even find out and nothing wrong will happen to her.  If this experiment requires her to suffer even a little bit like as menial as bumping her small toe on a coffee table, I’ll halt it.  However, for the sake of science, if the way to do it can be done without any harm at all? Then it will be a go.  ;)

Speaking of experiments, I decided something.  I toyed with this idea before but I think since I’m losing weight, if I lose enough I’ll enlist.  Probably Marines, not to prove myself but because their dress uniform is nice.  That and their camo doesn’t look like barf.

The reason for this is so I can have some idea what I’m talking about when writing my country’s lore.  Of course, I should probably also become a lawyer, a scientist, a pro athlete, and a doctor to cover all the other bases but that’s not the point.  I have a relatively decent familiarity with the law.  Could I be my own lawyer?  No.  Hell no.  God no.  I’ll need a lawyer, but I have a certain tact for laws.  The rest, it will be fine because healthcare between countries tend to be relatively similar, the biggest concerns are often with how to receive the healthcare.  Thus, mixed with science, I can imply that some medical experiments have been great success.  Besides, setting up a scene for a doctor is easy.  Esther got a set of scrubs for $20.  Hell, I think I bought it for her.

One scene that’d be HARD to get would be a cooking scene.  My country’s cuisine is that of fish and cheese.  An islander diet, go figure for Psuedo-Cuba.  A professional kitchen would have to be borrowed.  With a medical thing, you can just set up drapes and make it look like an operating room easily and can hide a lot of the background with a light. A lot of cooking supplies in a photo shoot for cooking.  -,-

I think science and military would be the most expensive shots to get.  But I’m not just doing photos, I’m also writing a bunch of lore.  I’ve been looking a lot into Elon Musk’s progress into science.  That’s going to be a lot.  Desalination plants in my country have to be a thing.  Defintiely need those.

I’m hungry.  Dumb carrots.  -,-

I did it again.  Adela and I went out for dinner.  I had chicken. GRAAAAAAAAAAH!!!  I had to, I was talking to Ariel about that sandwich and how good it was.  It was just as good as ever.  I wish to make a sandwich as good as that on my own time.  What’s their secret?

Chicken and bacon.  Stupid vegetarianism.  :c

[melonoverlord]

My sweet buttered biscuit for the ABCs

A: Aptitude

1. what are your oc’s natural abilities, things they’ve been doing since young?

He’s been a violin and cooking prodigy all his life, and was the first two skills he was taught. Cooking was sort of something he did on his own with the other slaves, specifically Cael who also loved baking and worked more in the kitchen, but playing music was specifically what he was raised and made to do.

2. what activities have they participated in?

Composing, playing music, baking, cooking, a little bit of flying, and the greatest activity of parenting.

3. what abilities do they have that they’ve worked for?

Physical prowess. Since he was a slave, he never was taught to fight and so physically grew up weak and small, so when he met Luna, the two of them sparred and worked out with each other to keep their strength, but he was really taught to fight when they met Oberon. He’s still not the best, but he can definitely hold his own in a match of hand to hand combat. Plus he’s got them baker arms so he’s got some muscles.

4. what things are they bad at?

He’s still learning how to say no to people, especially his friends. He doesn’t like any of them sad but he also knows that he has to be the responsible adult and take care of them all.

5. what is their most impressive talent?

It’s a tie between baking and music. He has been a cooking and violin prodigy since he was 5.

B: Basics

1. what is their hair color?

Black with a little bit of purple in the middle.

2. what is their eye color?

Black

3. how tall are they?

5′8

4. how old are they?

28

5. how much do they weigh?

173 lbs

C: Comfort

1. how do they sit in a chair?

Up straight with knees and toes pointed forward. He is still conditioned to sit like a slave, pretty and silent.

2. in what position do they sleep?

He usually sleeps curled inward since when he was little, he and Cael would face each other curled while Evie lay in the middle of the sibling sleep pile. Now with Ciri, he just holds her all night.

3. what is their ideal comfort day?

Never having to get out of his pjs while he snuggles with his wife and children all day watching movies.

4. what is their major comfort food? why?

Not a lot of people know because he doesn’t eat it a lot, but burgers always make him happy. He really is the barbecue dad but like, objectively better.

5. who is the best at comforting them when down?

Luna or Ciri. His two best girls.

D: Decoration

1. how would they decorate a house if they had one under their name?

Tam would have a comfortable but functional home with a lot of pictures of his family and friends, couches for lounging, and of course, the biggest kitchen space with every frivolous kitchen thing possible.

2. how would they decorate their child’s room?

Tam is pretty good about letting his kids dress themselves and decorate their room to how they like, but he is very concerned about safety. He does give a lot of toys to the kids that match their likes and aesthetics, but he is the type of dad who will put a barrier between the child and the edge of the bed so they don’t accidentally roll off in the middle of the night.

3. how do they decorate their own room?

His room is immaculately clean and doesn’t have much things in it except his violin stand, a night light, pictures of him and Luna, him and Ciri, and family pictures. He probably has the cleanest room of anyone in the ship. Now that it’s pretty much become both his and Ciri’s room, it looks more lived in.

4. what type of clothes and accessories do they wear?

He’s a dapper boi who usually wears button ups, sweater vests, slacks, and dress shoes.

5. do they like makeup/nail/beauty trends?

He likes makeup as a concept but since he was forced to wear it as a slave, he loathes anything that makes him more cosmetic than just having really nice skin and a rockin dad bod.

E: External Personality

1. does the way they do things portray their internal personality?

Yeah, he basically is a walking anxiety attack with dad instincts. The only thing that may be hard for people to believe is that when he’s with people he’s completely comfortable with, he is the snark king and will roast you with love.

2. do they do things that conform to the norm?

He conforms to the norm on the ship, which is just everyone doing their part to help win the war, but he broke away from the norm as a child when he left his siblings to run away with Luna.

3. do they follow trends or do their own thing?

He doesn’t like being a leader very much, but either right behind or on par with a leader, which is why he gets along with Luna so well.

4. are they up-to-date on the internet fads?

Only through Val because she shares almost every meme she finds with him.

5. do they portray their personality intentionally or let people figure it outon their own?

He doesn’t have enough confidence to lead anyone on, so he really is the objectively best anxious boy. What you see is what you get.

F: Fun

1. what do they do for fun?

Compose music, watch movies with the kids and Ciri, or spar with Luna.

2. what is their ideal party?

Chilling on the sofa altogether watching a movie or having a family game night.

3. who would they have the most fun with?

Luna or Ciri.

4. can they have fun while conforming to rules?

Yeah, there isn’t a lot of rules on the ship and Tam is not very rambunctious, so he is not like some of the other problem children and will turn a couch over and hotbox in the rec room.

5. do they go out a lot?

Since he is very well known as a revolutionary, he tends to stay on the ship pretty often, but even on planets, he doesn’t really like going to the nightlife scenes.

G: Gorgeous

1. what is their most attractive external feature?

This man is really out here sporting baker arms that could lift you to give you a smooch.

2. what is the most attractive part of their personality?

He is the type of guy where you look at him and you jump straight to husband material no matter your sexuality.

3. what benefits come with being their friend?

You will always have a personal theme song guy and someone to make all your favorite comfort foods. He is also just an objectively good hugger.

4. what parts of them do they like and dislike?

He likes his protectiveness and his paternal instincts, but he really wishes he wasn’t as anxious to get what he wants.

5. what parts of others do they envy?

He really wishes he could act with reckless abandon.

H: Heat

1. do they rather a hot or cold room?

He doesn’t like too hot of a room, but he likes sleeping with just one blanket, so if it’s cool but not cold, he enjoys that.

2. do they prefer summer or winter?

Although he likes wearing long sleeves, winter reminds him of the Caritain parties which is when he was requested most, so he has a very uncomfortable relationship with winter.

3. do they like the snow?

He thinks its pretty, but it reminds him of Caritain, so he still gets a little uncomfortable around it.

4. do they have a favorite summer activity?

Beach volleyball, actually. The ship converts the pool area to a volleyball court.

5. do they have a favorite winter activity?

Making hot chocolate and lighting candlenights tree with the kids.

I: In-the-closet

1. what is their sexuality?

Bi Bi Miss American Pie

2. have they ever questioned their sexuality?

Sexuality was always fluid on Caritain, but he figured that he would never fall in love because he only grew up with either his siblings or older slaves.

3. have they ever questioned their gender?

No, especially because of his trauma with the beauty industry, he doesn’t like many things feminine for himself.

4. would/was their family be okay with them being LGBT?

He doesn’t know what his parents would ever say, but he’s pretty sure that Cael and Evangeline would be okay with him because nearly everyone on Caritain has had affairs with multiple genders.

5. how long would/did it take for them to come out?

He officially came out to Luna when he was sixteen, after they met Gabriel for the first time and he was smitten as fuck.

J: Joy

1. what makes them happy?

Playing the violin and baking

2. who makes them happy?

His best friends Luna and Nivviah, his wonderful wife Ciri, and his twenty children.

3. are there any songs that bring them joy?

Beauty and the Beast

4. are they happy often?

Happiness is actually his second most felt emotion, behind crippling anxiety. It’s not extremely often, but he is one of the happiest adults on the ship.

5. what brings them the most joy in the world?

Playing music, baking, and Ciri.

K: Kill

1. have they ever thought about suicide?

No, mostly because he feels too guilty about leaving the people who depend on him behind.

2. have they ever thought about homicide?

He’s a former slave, his wife was going to be a sex slave, and several of his children were either used as experiments, slaves, or forced to fight in a televised death match, so yes, he’s thought about homicide a lot.

3. if they could kill anyone without punishment, would they? who?

If he could kill his former owners and Ciri’s would-be owner, he would without second thought.

4. who would miss them if they died?

Everyone on the Freedom Vessel because Tam is an absolute angel.

5. who would be happy they died, anyone?

Genesians because they’re cunts.

L: Lemons

1. what is their favorite fruit?

Peaches, like his beautiful ass.

2. what is their least favorite fruit?

He just can’t get into apples for some reason.

3. are there any foods they hate?

 Anything made by Kraft, apples, and imitation crab meat.

4. do they have any food intolerances?

You know how Daphne from Scooby Doo is allergic to imitation animal skin because she’s that bitch? Tam’s allergic to processed foods. He cannot eat anything imitation or fake. Which is sad because the kids just want to eat box mac n cheese and candy.

5. what is their favorite food?

Chocolate lava cake.

M: Maternal

1. would they want a daughter or a son?

Bold of you to assume that Tam would stop at just one child. Also incredibly bold of you to assume that Ciri would stop at seven children.

2. how many children do they want?

He was good with four, but really the question is how many children does Ciri want?

3. would they be a good parent?

He is the best dad in the galaxy, ex-fucking-cuse you sir. He loves all of his fourteen children with all his heart and nothing will ever change that.

4. what would they name a son? what would they name a daughter?

For a daughter, he’d first probably name them after his favorite non-wife (so Luna, Valerie, or Nivviah), but since he’s marrying Ciri and he knew how much both she and Psyche loved Alma, would also take Alma as a name. And of course, Evangeline and Cael would be his first choices as his fallen siblings he left behind.

5. would they adopt?

It’s how he got every single one of his children, so yes.

N: Never Have I Ever

1. what would they never do?

Hurt his wife or children in any capacity (except in Mario Kart, because he can and will destroy you)

2. what have they never done that they want to do?

It’s not really possible at the moment, and he won’t bring it up to anyone because he knows its impossible, but he actually really wants a biological child with Ciri.

3. is there anything they absolutely can’t believe people do?

Enjoy processed and fake foods.

4. what is the most embarrassing thing they’ve done?

That one time he got drunk and started telling everyone how much he loved them.

5. have they done anything they thought they’d never do?

When he was a child, he’d never thought he’d be one of the leading figures of the revolution alongside someone he’d never thought he’d be best friends with.

O: Optimism

1. are they optimistic or pessimistic?

He lies more on the pessimistic side of the spectrum. He firsthand has experienced the worst of Genesis and doesn’t think anything can change them.

2. are they openly optimistic, throwing it on others?

He’s fairly more pessimistic but he doesn’t say it that often. With his friends, he’ll be more optimistic to give them hope, but Tam in particular doesn’t think that things will get better anytime soon.

3. are they good at giving advice?

He’s very contemplative, so he tends to give good advice, and he’s done it for about fifteen years.

4. is there anyone in their life that throws optimism on them?

His kids throw optimism on him a lot, but for the most part, the optimism from the og revolutionaries came from Nivviah and Gabriel.

5. were they always optimistic?

He’s been pessimistic since he was a child as a slave.

P: Personality

1. what is their best personality trait?

He cares with all his being, and will do anything he can to make sure you know you’re loved and adored.

2. what is their worst personality trait?

As stated plenty of times, this boy is so anxious he is barely functioning 40% of the time.

3. what of their personality do others love?

Luna adores Tam’s devotion to family and his fatherly nature, and his ability to forgive, Val loves his carefulness and dedication to learning about a person on an intimate level, and Ciri loves everything about him.

4. what of their personality do others envy?

Luna envies his ability to get to close to people so quickly and Val envies his ability to be a good parent despite his fears.

5. do they hate anything about their personality/about other’s personalities?

He hates his own anxiety and self doubt, but also doesn’t like when anyone is too arrogant.

Q: Questions

1. do they ask for help?

Yes, but he also thinks its important to do things for yourself. This in more so of the case of waiting for someone to rescue you. If you have the opportunity to be free, you need to take it.

2. do they ask questions in class?

He only had schooling under Oberon when they first met him, but he tends to ask a lot of questions at once by writing all of his thoughts down and formulating them into questions.

3. do they answer questions that make them a little uncomfortable?

Not typically, but it depends on the type of questions because Tam’s always uncomfortable. If its about the present, he’s fine, but he hates answering things about his past.

4. do they ask weird questions?

Only to Luna because she’s still the only person who’s used to when he gets weird. (He did once in fact ask if pigeons have feelings when he was really sick)

5. are they curious?

When it comes to experimenting with recipes or compositions, he’s very curious, but when it comes to adventuring, he doesn’t like going off the beaten path very much.

R: Rules

1. do they follow rules?

As a revolutionary, he kind of has to break rules, but when he was little, he followed all of the rules to keep himself or his siblings from getting hurt.

2. would they be a strict or laid-back parent?

He’s a less extreme version of Marlin from Finding Nemo who is so afraid of every small thing that can kill his children. He is laid back in the sense that he’ll let the kids do things that make them happy, but if there is a chance they could get hurt, he will be ultra dad and baby proof the ship.

3. have they ever been consequenced for breaking a rule?

Oh absolutely. It’s why he has so many scars on his body.

4. have they broken any rules they now regret breaking?

All the explicit rules he’s broken have been for the better because it caused him to be free, but he does regret breaking his personal rule of family before all else.

5. do they find any rules they/others follow absolutely ridiculous?

He understands that slaves live in fear of their masters, but he also finds it ridiculous that they don’t take their chance at freedom 

S: Streets

1. are they street-smart?

A little? He mostly lived on the street the first year and a half after Luna rescued him from Caritain while they lived in the Factory District of Spanathos. So he knew how to steal and barter.

2. would they give money to someone on the streets?

Absolutely. He knows what it’s like to have no money.

3. have they ever gotten in a fight on the streets?

He had to defend himself, Nivviah, and Gabriel against a gang on Helios.

4. has anything happened to them on the streets?

When he was on Helios, he and Nivviah got jumped by a gang sent by the Helian Parliament. It was the same instance when Gabriel got captured.

5. are they cautious when out?

He is always overly cautious at every moment of his waking day, even while he sleeps.

T: Truth

1. are they honest?

For the most part. He never actively lies, but he doesn’t like sharing much about his past.

2. can they tell if someone is lying?

He is pretty good about people trying to deceive him, but he likes giving people the benefit of the doubt, especially when they’re his loved ones. He has a +5 to insight.

3. is it obvious when they’re lying?

A little, since he gets red when he lies.

4. have they lied about anything they regret lying about?

Not particularly, he’s really only lied for other people.

5. have they told truths that have been spread against their will?

No, people are usually very good around his secrets because they like him and respect his wishes.

U: Underdog

1. have they been bullied?

He grew up as a slave, so yes.

2. have they bullied anyone?

Tam has never bullied anyone in his life, even after Castor dropped and shattered his souffle bowl.

3. have they been physically attacked by a bully?

Judging by the multitude of scars on his body, he’s been attacked a lot.

4. have they ever been doubted?

He was doubted by almost everyone he ever met before going on the Freedom Vessel, possibly except for Luna.

5. have they surprised people with being good at something?

He surprised almost everyone he’s met, and everyone in 

V: Vomit

1. do they vomit often?

He only vomits when he’s extremely nervous, which to be fair is pretty often, but he’s good at keeping it down until he’s alone, at which point he goes straight for the toilet. 

2. do they get lots of stomach aches?

Yes. Just yes. He lives the true anxiety life.

3. are they good at comforting someone ill?

He has always been the dad friend who rubs his friends’ back when they’re drunk and throwing up (mostly Luna and Val).

4. what do they like as far as comfort goes?

He likes people rubbing his back or massaging his scalp.

5. do they burp, cough, or hiccup most when nauseous? when vomiting?

He usually coughs, but when actively vomiting, he tries to keep anything from happening so he can curb it.

W: Water

1. do they drink enough water?

As the cook and a father, he has to be an advocate for good health, so he drinks water to keep himself healthy.

2. have they learned to swim?

Luna taught him to swim when they got on the Freedom Vessel.

3. do they like to swim?

He doesn’t do it a lot, but he finds it enjoyable with other people who like it. He finds it calming to swim with Luna.

4. can they dive?

Yes, but it’s not very pretty. He prefers slowly walking into the water rather than diving in. 

5. can they swim without holding their nose?

Yes.

X: Xylophone

1. what is their favorite genre of music?

Violins and classical music for days.

2. do they have a favorite song?

Hallelujah will always be a special one for him, but since meeting Ciri, his favorite song has slowly become All of Me by EGOT winner John Legend.

3. do they have a favorite band/artist/singer?

Contrary to popular relief, Alicia Keys. He really is out here drinking his respect women juice.

4. can they sing well?

Oh absolutely. He has the voice of an angel and is objectively the best singer on the ship. He and Flor could make a band.

5. can they rap?

He has rapped exactly once, and it was when he was very drunk on his 21st birthday while Luna, who was also very drunk, filmed. It was an experience and the video is still on Luna’s communicator.

Y: You

1. how old were you when you created them?

19

2. what inspired you to create them?

Ciri needed a boo that was as soft as her.

3. were they different when they were first created?

A little bit? He has a lot more backstory than when he was first created, but for the most part he’s been the same good biscuit boy as always.

4. do you enjoy writing them more than other characters?

He’s super sweet and is less sarcastic and sassy than the others are, so I like getting to play a sof boy.

5. what’s your favorite thing about them?

He’s been through so much and still wants to help people and be a good person.

Z: Zebra

1. what’s their favorite animal?

Prairie dogs. Don’t ask him why, he just finds them adorable.

2. do they like animals?

Not particularly. He grew up surrounded around abused animals and had to take care of them, so now connects animals to how he grew up as a slave.

3. cats or dogs?

Cats. He can’t handle loud sudden noises, so would not be able to handle any kind of dog bark.

4. what’s their dream pet?

Anything small that doesn’t make loud noises. He’d be fine with a fish honestly. He’d rather have a lot of children than a lot of pets.

5. do they have any pets at the moment?

Nope but he has six wonderful children, maybe nine in the future.

[littlemislazywriter]

Match Maker Fun

Previous/ Chapter 3 - here Next/

Reader’s P.o.V

The sunlight was beaming through a gap through your dark blue curtains with light blue stars embroidered delicately on them, giving the beam of light perfect accuracy to caress your soft face. With it bringing you into the waking world with a groan, you roll over away from the beam of light telling you to wake up. How dare it tell it’s morning and you need to wake up and start your day. Also, dogs were barking at the neighbours again, or a poor neighbourhood cat. That just happened to be walking by. Sigh. Somedays you love the dogs, other days you wish they would bark a little less. But hey we're good for when the mailman arrived. Good little puppers.

You sigh and reach for your phone to see the time, check social media and other phone things, like scroll endlessly on facebook feed. The time read as 7:26 am.

“That's too early ” You complained to no one but yourself, flopping the phone back down away from you as if it insulted your great ancestors. Which it didn’t but waking up this early after last night? Is a no, And yet, the sun seemed to have different plans for you. To wake you up early at this ungodly hour. As most of the time, you don’t awaken till past 9 am at least. The only time you get up this early is for your job at a small adult retail store.  Which honestly wasn’t bad and doesn’t require you to have many hours, but enough to pay rent and eat well enough. Though that may change since you do you want to make a small fund to go back and spend at Grillby’s. So Maybe a few more hours wouldn’t hurt. Nope, it would not.

But you lay on the bed for a few more minutes before you move to grab your phone again from when you flung it across your queen sized bed. Once you once slept in a huge bed such as this, you couldn’t go back to a single bed like the one you use to have, so you got rid of it and exchanged it for this size. Best decision ever made in your opinion. Starfishing all over the show, plus it made you feel small in a good way. Along with other plushies of the like to make it even more inviting and soft, like the giant unicorn plush the same height as you sitting at the end of the bed. It was nice to cuddle on lonely nights or use it as a pillow when you watched Netflix. Second best decision ever. Though it was awkward to carry it home when you got it. But was worth it. Even more worth it seeing those children's faces watching you walk away with the toy of their dreams.

With that in mind, you text your boss, asking if there are any more shifts you could pick up for the next week or so. Cause you never know, Someone might call in sick or be going on holiday somewhere.

While doing that, you check your other messages to see if Ava had any more luck with that dude. Speaking of him you are going to text him. See how things are on his end. It would be a waste of time if he turned out he wasn’t interested. No harm if he did though, You did have a few other guys in mind to set her up with if this didn’t go too well. But still, you thought Harry would be a good choice. :), While your flatmate is last on that list.

From Spoopy, To Harry. “Hey dude, how are things with Ava? She’s a total catch if I say so myself :3” 7:34 am

With that, you quickly hit send before checking on Ava’s unread messages.

From Ava, “Satan's waterfall has arrived, kill me plz. No D for me yet. :C. But we are going to go on a date soon<3 Bless” 2;03 am

Awww yes!. You did well, Though kinda sucks about the period thing... Speaking off if she’s on hers, yours will be soon. Boo. You make a quick note to pick you things you need before typing a reply. While thinking how on earth was she even up that late?

You can barely manage to be awake at 1 am anymore. Curse being an adult and all-nighters being so hard! When you were a teenager it was easy, 2 days without sleep, fine and dandy, happy as happy can be and have the energy to spare! but now? It was like looking into the face of death and probably an unhealthy amount of coffee consumption.

From Spoopy, “Awwwh boooo, Thanks for the reminder though *audible wink* But Yaaaay Get that date, yess gurl! My work here is done *superman pose and flying away into the night* ”

You send the message off, giggling to yourself as you do that pose in person. You just couldn’t help it... You put your phone in the pocket of your shorts and get out of your nest of a bed to get some water at least. Even if it was only a couple of drinks of that wonderful alcohol, water was still an important thing and you needed it. Plus you were hungry for some waffles, you wondered if you had any left, if not can always make some. Even if that was little TMI. But it’s the human body, not much you can do.  

You make it the kitchen without much hassle other than your loud door opening. It was always loud, and don't quite fit the door in some places and was snug in others. It was thanks to the wood expanding and shrinking with the change of weather. It annoyed you to no end but at least you knew everytime wanted to come into your room. No one could sneak in… unless it was from the window. The joys of flatting. Not the best place, but was sure as hell was an upgrade from where you last were. So can’t complain.

You greet your flatmate with a sleepy good morning as you stretched, with him being busy on the computer he mumbled a good morning back with him drinking some sort of energy drink as his drink of choice for the mornin’. How he was even awake at this hour, well before you, you were surprised, he is usually still in bed at this hour. You only guess he couldn’t sleep or went to bed earlier last night.

You get yourself a glass and pour yourself some water from the tap. Wondering if you had the effort if you could make waffles yet? Not quite yet. You decide to wait before you make an attempt as you are not fully awake yet.

God, it was pretty good, you never knew how dehydrated you were till now and it was pretty heavenly right now. Water is good. It also makes you question your flatmate's choices. Why wouldn’t he drink H20 was beyond you. Oh well, more for you. Or another reason why he seems so awake is that drink. Maybe you should have that instead to wake you up. Nah. water is still a good option.

“Hey [y/n/n], how was last night, I noticed you got in pretty late,” Your flatmate said, looking up at you from where he sat, looking away from his computer.

He had short curly hair, pale skin and had a big thick build. If anything his chiselled calves tell you anything, also now one of the dogs has curled up by his feet as he typed away.  It was little black one, Bella. Though she was quite a bitch when she wanted to be, also a cuddle slut when she wants to be too.

“Oh me? I was just out a new bar, down in ‘new new new home’, was great, they had some pretty great burgers.” You replied, sipping on your glass as you planted your booty on the couch that you had been on the day before.

“Oh, what place was that? Isn’t that where the Monster folk are livin’?” he asked curiously, giving me his full attention. Whatever he was doing on the computer was forgotten for now in exchange of this conversation.

“Oh yeah it was a monster bar, but is also human-friendly too. Should check it out sometime, they have some Hot staff there” You giggled thinking back to that fireman you had met, Grillby was it? Yeah, he was pretty hot. Literary. But hot in other ways too. If he were human he would be a supermodel no doubt. But you wouldn’t be his type not by a long shot. That made you sadden just a bit but shook it off. Least you could enjoy some eye candy. That made you feel less sad.  

“Oh, well I just might if it’s good as you say it is, what are the prices like?” he asked again. Man, it was just going to be 20 questions today wasn’t it? And he doesn’t care that it’s a monster bar? That is always a good sign.

“OH, the drinks were pretty cheap compared to other Bars. I mean i only had to pay $15. For only 2 drinks. That is very cheap compared to other bars that charge like 10$ a drink. I’d say I saved myself 5 bucks. Oh and also got a free burger which I have no clue what the price was, but damn it was worth every penny if I were to go and have one again. But eh a new friend shouted me, i think? Either way was on the house.” you reply, looking back at your memories from the previous night. Smiling happily. You would kill to have another burger like that again. You almost start drooling at the thought of it. Soon [y/n] soon. You will have that burger again.

“Oh damn that is sweet, I guess no charge at the door either?”

“Nope, least not when i went, but they probably would for special events.Like most bars would. BUT, That is only an assumption.” you stress the word “ BUT ” because, Well, it was true, you were never charged to go in at the door, anyone could go in and have a drink and some good food. And you can only assume they would for special days or holidays. It what other bars and clubs did and you can only really go off those cause those were the only ones you have been too in the past.

Not to say every bar charges at the door, some don’t but the prices of drinks are just too much to spend on. But hey you found a great bar, that is cheaper and is really welcoming. And also gave you a free burger. That is one way to keep people from going back. It’s just good business. No wonder they can let the drinks go for cheap.

“Damn that is good, I’ll have to check it out sometime” He hummed in thought, now going back to what he was doing on the computer, typing away furiously. You can only assume it was something to do with music as he does, or talking’ to one of the rappers to come and do voice-overs. It was his main hobby after all, after hiking. No wonder he has such good calves. Like, damn son. Maybe you should take up hiking and get those sweet legs like him. Nah. well, Maybe. Who knows. Maybe one day you’ll be brave and venture out and get those calves of your dreams.

Now left alone in your thoughts for a bit you wander back to those sweet memories you made yesterday. Sans was an interesting monster, he still freaks you out a bit, still not over the fact that he is a skeleton. A nice, funny, ketchup loving skeleton. Plus he stopped you from falling, though you are sure half the reason why was because of you holding his arm in a death hold like grip. You were even more surprised how easily he caught you. You were not a light person, sure, but not super heavy either, though “overweight” for your short height. But still. He must be pretty strong to catch you.

He was all bone... So strong bones? He must drink a lot of milk. And is ketchup even that healthy? You pounder. Though Sour cream probably isn’t either yet you still eat that.

But Still, You question where his food even went. Maybe one day you’ll have an answer to your question.

But you didn’t dwell on them on them for very long as your phone sang it’s tune. You finally changed the notification sound, much more pleasant than the last one you had before. No more whistles! No more accidentally calling the dogs to you. You had changed it too “Spooky Scary Skeletons”. Though you couldn’t have it as the full song. You left that for the ringtone. You hoped it wouldn’t bite you in the but later.

Thank you Skeleton monster you meet yesterday for the inspiration and helping you remember that song does indeed exist.

From Ava, “Heeey So I had an Idea >:) ….”

Sans p.o.v ~The morning after~.

Another day on the surface. Another day with the sun shining. Sunlight streaming through his windows, lucky not on his face but, on his back. He could feel the warmth warming up his bones slowly rousing him from his slumber. He liked it. Kept him grounded, that there would be no more resets. No more Snowdin, no more underground. No more murderous Chara.

Though the sun may not have woken him, his brother, Papyrus sure did. “SANS IT’S TIME TO GET UP, YOU LAZY BONES” Papyrus said from behind his locked bedroom door.

“Alright Paps, I’m up,” He said back at the door, though not planning to move just yet. Not like he had work yet. Not for the next few hours, unlike papyrus who probably has to leave in an hour’s time.

He looks at his phone and sees he’s right. One hour till paps Leaves for the day.

“Might as well grab some grub from Pap. Should keep him happy, he thought while staring at the ceiling now.

He lets his thoughts wander back to that young human he met At Grillby’s after he finished work for the day. All he wanted was a nice drink and a good Burger. Not… what ended up happening. His SOUL quietly humming as he recalled what happened… and subconsciously, putting his hand on his chest, just above where the SOUl would be.

┏(＾0＾)┛ ~Flash back time~ ┗(＾0＾) ┓

He approached the bar, like many times before. It was his favourite place in all of the underground and is still his favourite place above ground. It is bigger and has more variety now than what it used to have probably thanks for it having some things for the humans who pop in if they are brave, which was great.  But still, it felt the same, smelled the same. Was like a second home.

But he still had his huge tab to pay. Heh. he’ll pay it off one day.

He waited for a second as he waited outside the door, the company inside would have sensed or smelled him by now. Enough time to make his entrance. Even more, so that he usually arrived around this time. That is one thing that probably won’t change if he can help it. Old habits die hard. Even if Papyrus doesn’t like the place much ( more or less because of the ‘unhealthy’ menu), though he won’t admit he does like the place a tiny bit. Though he reckons if Grillby put spaghetti on the menu Papyrus would be more than happy to come around. In saying that he probably wouldn’t leave, or pester poor Gribbly to be the spaghetti chef of the place.

Heh. on second thought, maybe that isn’t such a good idea, though would be amusing.

He walked in seeing his fellow monsters from the underground, if not all in the same spots as before, even though the bar as expanded to have more tables for the growing customers and even a few more love booths. Which was sweet. Even a new jukebox. Man Grillby went all out for this place, though he did miss the broken jukebox, having music for a change was nice too, he thought, as greeted the monsters and patting the oh so fluffy k-9 guard unit. He loved those guys and might one day throw them a bone.

Today is not that day.

When he looked at the bar, seeing an unfamiliar face of a young female human. Must be someone new, I know everyone who comes here. He thought as he approached the bar.

Her eyes seemed to study his for a second. Took him a second to figure out why.

He is a skeleton. And she is a human, they too have skeletons but on the inside. Right must be quite strange. Heh. He thought the same as humans, weird squishy meaty flesh, organs and blood. It was still strange to him. All of that to protect bones?

She did look pretty soft and cute, for a human.

Though she does look young for her age if Grillby served alcohol than she must be old enough. Not that it concerned him what she drank and her age. She was just a human he doesn’t even know, so why did have that thought? He felt his soul hum for second deep with him. It didn’t last long but long enough for him to notice

That was strange. It alarmed him somewhat but he wasn’t going to worry about it. Nope. He just wants his ketchup. Maybe his soul is calling out to the ketchup too.

He shook it off as the female turned away from him returning to her drink. He didn’t think anything of it. He was used to people staring at him and doing double takes. Plus he was used to being stared at as he entered the Bar from his friends, and on the street. Heh. Strange humans indeed. Didn’t they know it was rude to stare?

He waved to Grillby as he approached the bar, taking a seat on the left next to the cute human.

“Going to pay your tab anytime soon?” Grillby said while looking right at him. He said it in a light-hearted way, as the Grillby brought up a ketchup bottle from beneath the counter. He would usually fetch it from the back where the supply was, but Grillby must have been waiting for him to come by.

He grabbed the red bottle that held his favourite version of ketchup. He could never find it in stores, so how Grillby managed was shocking but was also very grateful for Grillby to have it. He should probably start paying his tab soon because of that.

“Maybe one day Grillz, For now, I’ll just like to ketchup with you.” he threw out a pun. He brought the ketchup bottle to his mouth, drinking from the bottle, well more like squirting it in as he swallowed the contents, it soon being absorbed into him to replenish his magic. He could feel someone looking at him. Though he used to the feeling, this felt different for whatever reason but it wasn’t going to let it bother him.

‘It’s probably the human’ he thought.

And he was right

He heard Grillby cough on purpose, bringing attention to the human. He too turned his gaze towards the human who is now looking right at the space on the bar in front of her. He could almost see a red blush on her cheeks. That is pretty cute, heh, silly human.

He turned his attention away from the flustered human, looking at Grillby now, who is once again cleaning a glass. How he always has a glass to clean Sans will never know.

“One day you will or I may just forget to order your favourite ketchup, Sans,” Grillby said and he sounded so serious. No! Not his Ketchup!

Sans gasped and looked at Grillby in horror, He couldn’t stop himself from doing so. “You wouldn’t! I would put you out of business”. He said that but he wasn’t serious. Hell Grillby would still have Business, probably have more money too if Grillby didn’t have to get him a supply of ketchup just for him… well mostly for him. Though he was happy he put a clever pun in there. Heh, Put Grillby out.

But Still the horror. He would never dream Grillby to dare do such a thing. He feels almost hurt. But man if that what it took to pay his tab off... So be it. He would do it for the hard to get ketchup. Until he found out the source of where to get it. But he was too lazy for that.

Paying off his tab would be easier. That way he could keep his steady supply of ketchup at his favourite bar and Keep his best buddy happy.

Grillby looked at him with a look that said ‘ I just might try me’ and shrugged his shoulders.

Grillby turned away from him, and back to his human customer who is still blushing and is now fiddling with the empty glass. He could smell a whiff of human alcohol. The good kind too. He would probably have it too it if had any effect on him, but if he did Grillby would sure to rum out.

That was a pretty clever pun and would have to save that for later.

“Anyway,” Grillby said Gesturing the empty cup, silent question of asking if she wanted a refill of her drink. She looked up at him, very much red in the face still from her earlier embarrassment.

“Oh um, y-yes”. She said, sliding over the Glass to Grillz who is now working on getting a refill.

Oh my stars’  he thought looking at her, ‘ she even sounded cute’’.His soul hummed again and he could feel himself smiling, just like earlier. That really isn’t Normal. He refused to acknowledge it. It was just this weird thing. Maybe it was humming cause he needed rest. He hasn't had a nap in a while. Must be that. He thought, all though he knew deep down that wouldn’t be the cause of his soul humming. He stopped his blush from appearing on his face. Why would he even need to blush? He didn’t know but he for sure didn’t want too.

Wait why did he even think that? Yeah, sure she is cute, but his non-existent brain didn’t need to tell him that! It has been a long day of work. That is what it was, man he needs to be lazier if his soul is acting like that.

She looked back up at him, being out found out he was staring at her.

Geez, who was the rude one now.

She gave an out a squeak in surprise, her eyes going wide, jumping from her seat only to fall backwards, without thinking he reached out his arm in order to catch her, but very quickly felt a hand and a very tight grip on his arm, squeezing him tight, but he didn’t feel that, he just didn’t want her to fall. His arm landed near her waist, stopping her from fall, using his magic to hold the stool too from falling as his eye flickered out blue flame but, it doesn’t seem to have been noticed as she closed her eyes so she wouldn’t have known. Hell, that might have scared her even more. As soon as he felt the stool go back into place, his magic disappeared as well as his flaming blue eye.

Bad sans. Stop scaring the human!

She opened up her eyes, looking up at him, even if she was sitting, he was taller than her. He gave a nervous chuckle. At Least it didn’t sound as nervous as he felt. Though why he was nervous he didn’t know why. Maybe it was because he spooped the poor human.

“You fallin’ for me already? I'm touched.” He joked at her, hoping a nice pun would help ease her. And maybe make him… less scary? He slowly pulled her back before she jumped out her seat. He almost felt bad, almost, if that squeak wasn’t so cu-… no, he was not going to go there. His soul tugged as he thought that. It was almost painful, like a pinprick. As if he knew what that was. But that is what he imagined it would feel like. She blinked up at him, smiling nervously, reflecting how he feels, heh. Strange how that was. And now she is blushing. Can this Human stop being so cute, please?

“I guess so, I’m just so bonely,” she said, puning in response. Okay, he couldn’t do this.

She Puned. SHE PUNED... He let her go, almost regretting it as it was only then he realised how soft she felt under his bony fingers. Even if she was squishy, she was the best kind of squish. The perfect cushion for his aching bones. (- from work, get your head out of the gutter, you sinners)  perfect for cuddling. He quickly dismissed those thoughts. WHAT was WITH HIM today. He really did work himself down to the bone. And he also had the perfect reply. If she wanted a pun, she would get it.

“Heh if you wanted to jump my bones that bad kid, buy me some dinner first," Why on earth did he say that! ugh. "Say Grillby, how about some burgers.” sais said, asking his friend who is shaking his head at him before retreating to fetch the goods. Grillby knows what he wants, it’s the same that he always gets so he has no problem with being that vague. If he wanted something else he would have said so.

His Niece took his place, tending to the bar now. She is usually the waitress of the place, delivering food to other tables but at times like these, she mans the bar. She was pretty cute for a flame monster, but not his type. Plus if he did date her and it ended, he would never be able to step into Grillby’s ever again.

He imagines Grillby chasing him, throwing fireballs at him. Good old gribbly.  He probably would do that too.

He glances down at the human and her red flushed face, hiding behind your hands, hiding away from view. Humans are strange, he thought and let out a deep chuckle. It was almost fun in a way to see how much she can take, even if that wasn’t his original intentions. He didn’t even have any! Other than the pure curiosity of a new person at his favourite bar, a human nonetheless who is monster friendly? He could probably check on her soul, but he was feeling lazy plus would be rude. If she’s here then she doesn’t hate them at least that was good enough reason not to look. Not because his soul was acting funny earlier.  He went back to his bottle, forcing himself to look away.

Though he did Notice Fuku, placing the humans drink back before walking away tending to other customers, though seems like the human didn’t notice as she was hiding behind her hands. Plus Fuku was quiet in placing it down. He probably wouldn’t have noticed either if he wasn’t watching.

“So..,” he spoke, looking back the human. “ sorry if I made you jump out your skin” He really did feel a bit sorry. Even if her reaction was amusing, it probably wasn’t all too nice to be jump scared while relaxing at a bar.

“Oh uh, it’s N-n no worries r-really, It’s just never seen a skellington monster in the flesh before is all.” She said, almost sounding like Alphys and how she is. The stuttering and the fast talking. That’s cute that she is nervous. No Sans delete that though!. What was with him! Now he is starting to wonder if something is his Ketchup. And she waved her hands, hoping not to offend him. Which he wasn’t. They're really weren’t other monsters like him and Papyrus after all. So even the people who liked monsters would still get intimidated.

Oh god, another pun!

She spoke again, sounding a lot less nervous this time, “I guess I just spooped by a scary skellington aye?” She joked.

He couldn't keep his grin from, not saying anything for the moment as he burst out with laughter.  “I guess ya did,” He said in between bits of laughter, throwing his head back. Oh man, she got him good. He knew of the song she was referencing. That always earned a chuckle from him.  It was somewhat of a guilty pleasure when he first discovered it. Still is.

“You’re an alright kid,” he said, his shoulders and ribs still shuddering with laughter. “Anyway, I’m sans, sans the skellington” he held out his hand for the human to shake. He brought out his whoopie cushion in the hand trick like he does with everyone new. Was the best way to break the ice and tell who was dealing with. That is how it was back in the underground. But in this situation, was just for laughs. The human put her device away and grabbing hold of his hand to shake, only for her to pause when the far rippled out of the whoopie cushion, he could see the blush coming back, but this time with a vengeance.

“Omfg” is all she said as she doubled over in laughter, still holding his hand.  

If your face could be any redder right now, you would. “Omfg,” You said out loud before you could stop yourself, doubling over from laughter.

“Ahh the hand whoopie cushion trick, gets people every time,” he said more to himself, letting his hand fall to his side as she let go still gigging away and trying to compose herself. He reached for his drink as she mimicked the same movements getting hers and had a synchronized sip.  Though was only now he realised how low the bottle was getting. Not that it mattered, Grillby would bring out another when he brings out the food. Which shouldn’t be too much longer?

“I’m [y/n], [y/n] the human,” She did, following the same wording he used. Heh, Strange how people always do that. But it was simple and to the point.

He smiled back at her, chuckling as he spoke.“I don’t know, I’d you’re fun-sized” he replied, quickly and also turned away as he heard the doors he knows too well open. Man, he could Outcomes Grillby with a large burger for him along with the second bottle of ketchup on his plate.

On smaller plate Grillby is holding, he has a normal sized burger. Human-sized compared that giant burger on the other plate, it just made it look so Small!. Now That’s cute. He allowed himself to have that thought at least. It would have been Bite-sized nibble for him. A snack if you will.

The food was placed down in front of him, making a loud clunk as it meets the hardwood of the bar. How could it not? It was a large burger so it weighed quite a bit. He almost loled out his tongue to the side from the way it looks.

“There you go, oh and no need to pay for the burger, it’s on the house” Grillby crackled at the human as she rushed to make a grab for her wallet to pay for the burger. He would actually pay Grillby for that one and not have that on his tab. He could be nice sometimes. But seeing your face light up as you see the burger, that is al the payment he needed, and I think Grillby could agree to that too as he noticed out of the corner of his vision, Grillby smiling away as Grillby’s flames flare up. How could he not notice a small burst of light?

Thanks, Grillby, you’re the best!” She said as Grillby nodded in satisfaction of a happy customer before going back to the other end making drinks and taking orders.

Want some ketchup?” He asked her while not breaking eye contact with his burger as he offered her the bottle towards her in question. Might as well seeing as it would be emptied on the glorious burger that was calling his name soon. If she wanted some, now was the only time he would offer.

“No thanks bone man, I’m having this burger how it meant to be,” was her reply, he chuckled and said “Suit yourself ” under his breath, bringing the bottle back towards him now that offer was refused. Popping the lid off easily pouring the heavenly liquid over his burger, drenching it and the smell of the burger and ketchup filled his nose cavity. Making him shudder a bit but he did to suppress it. Oh and he almost missed the pun. Heh. Bone man. She wasn’t wrong. And if he wasn’t distracted by the burger right now his thoughts would have wandered into nsfw realm.

But when he was eating the burger, his thoughts might as well have been in the nsfw kind, Even if only it was just for the food he was eating right now. He wasn’t paying much attention to the human beside him not for a while until he heard a purr coming from beside him.

He didn't know humans could .. Purr?  He finished up his burger quickly, pausing time for a minute, much like he did with frisk in what seems forever ago as he cleaned up his plate, not leaving a single trace of the burger and  licking his finger bones clean with his blue thick, long tongue and then he cleaned the plate in the same fashion. He would never waste ketchup, not this kind. Plus during this time he can as primal as he wants to say like cleaning the plate till it’s spotless. He doesn’t use this trick often as he does prefer time to move forward but for moments like these… He unpaused time like a pop. as everything turned back to normal. And during that time he thought of a purrfect pun.

“No kitten’ about these burgers being good aye?”He says, looking at the human still eating their small burger. Though it looked massive in her hands, even with half of it gone. He heard her hum in response as she can’t talk right now, not that he expected one just yet. He also noticed the human squinting at him like ‘ seriously?’ and turning back to take a big bite out of it, with juices running down her fingers the more she dug into it trying to finish the burger which Honestly did not take that long at all.

Heh, Even humans can’t resist shoving his Burgers down. They were just That good.

“Hehe yeah, that burger was purr-fection” She finally managed to say after having the final bite of the heavenly food.

She even punned back with a related pun, If he didn't already have a favourite human right now you would be next in line. That’s if he knew you of course. Which he didn’t. But the reaction to the burger says anything is that you will return here. He feels himself feel a bit happier at the thought.  

He had to look away as She started licking her fingers now, getting the last of the burger juices that ran down her small hands Much like him… except he froze time to do so… His lewd thoughts coming back to haunt him. He forced them away very quickly. He was not about to do That to someone he just meets! That would be rude. But fuck he hasn’t had any action in a while.  He was left bone dry for god knows how long. But he was never this bad. Maybe he should cut his work hours for a while, take a break. Yeah. That would work. It wouldn't but he hopes so.

He KNOWS it won’t but he is too much denial now to care about logic. Just excuses.

Yet still, he opened his mouth to make a pun.

“Could say it’s finger licking good”, He is looking at the female, cleaning off her fingers with an innocent doe look on her face with her fingers in that mouth…

He Felt his SOUL thump in his chest. He can’t be in denial now, yet he still is. He refused to believe that was significant nope. He was going to be stubborn about this and he didn't care. Nor did he knew what it meant. And… he didn’t want too. Whatever it is. He has a feeling it won’t go away,

He was shocked and hoped to the gods no one had heard it because he felt it. And it felt Big . Momentary letting his concentration of holding back the blush that he was fighting, flater for a second. The blush returning with a hint of blue glow on his cheeks. It was only for split second but that was enough.  He hopes to god you didn’t see it. Nor the shudder he which rattled his bones had when he met your eyes with his own.  

What on earth did he get himself into?

┗(＾0＾) ┓ Back to the present ┏(＾0＾)┛

He blinked as he brought himself back to the present, blushing once again. And don't think what happened after she left, as he stayed until Papyrus called him to come home, worried about him and also wanted to be read a bedtime story as always. Bless Papyrus may he forever be innocent. Though he knows that is a foolish notion, he still tries his best for his bro and his innocence. And Also be the best bro ever to his Bro that was The freakin coolest.  

‘Get a grip’ he thought as he got up for the day throwing his ketchup-stained comforter off him  ( half of it falling to the floor, half holding onto the bed for dear life. Poor comforter ). He threw on his classic blue hoodie not bothering to zip it up, and slipping into his fluffy pink slippers which in all honesty need replacing. Maybe he would if he found an identical pair. But today is not that day.

With a wave of his hand, the door that was locked now has opened and he walked out of his room, locking his door in the same manner when he opened it, casually walking down the stairs into the lounge where Pappy was sitting, eating Waffles with honey and watching Some human Tv program. It was still pretty early so had to be cartoons.

‘ Heh only baby bones watch those, but paps will always be a baby bones to me ’ he thought as he looked at his brother.

“AHH SANS YOU ARE UP! I AM SURPRISED, BUT!, GO AND EAT THE BREAKFAST OF CHAMPIONS” With a Nyeh heh heh in between bites of the fluffy crunchy goodness that is Waffles.

They smell pretty good, and nothing smells burnt. Yep, he would grab some. Makes a nice change from the breakfast pasta that he had yesterday. Not that his bro pasta was bad anymore since he learned how to cook, but still Pasta that early in the morning? Not quite his thing.  

“Careful not to waffle them down to quick Paps”

Papyrus blinked for second before realizing there was a pun.

“SANS!”

He laughed before grabbing himself a serving, throwing some ketchup on his, drenching it like he did with his burgers. “Don't worry paps, I’m just butter- ing you up” He winked at his bro as he looked at the butter placed on the table, along with some honey. “PLEASE NO MORE PUNS, I SWEAR SANS YOU’LL LOSE YOUR WAFFLE PRIVILEGES, NYEH HEH HEH. ALSO, IT’S NICE SEEING YOU UP EARLY FOR A CHANGE” Papyrus shouted, though Sans knew he wasn’t serious. He wouldn’t dare take away his waffles, not since they are tinted in beautiful red ketchup. And he could almost see Papyrus smiling, even though he pretends to hate the puns. He loves them deep down.  And he was up earlier than he normally would. He didn't see as a big deal. He just had a good night sleep is all and shrugged it off.

“The situation in the here is so terrible that it's going from batter to waffle.”

This only made the skinner skeleton madder. SO mad that he fighting off a huge grin on his face and losing.

“SANS!” he shouted at him much louder than he usually was as he turned towards him. He winks at pap, waffling the waffles down, heh, before paps could take back the ketch covered delights. Papyrus grabbed the closest thing to him which was the cushion and threw it at his head.

It bounced off his skull and onto the floor.

Both Skeletons stared at the object in question.

“I am not picking that up”

. . .

“IF YOU WON’T NEITHER WILL I, YOU TOUCHED IT LAST BROTHER AND I, PAPYRUS, I WOULD RATHER IT NOT TURN INTO ANOTHER SOCK LIKE DEBOBKLE”. Papyrus said, getting up from his seat and almost jogging to the kitchen, putting his plate in the sink to be washed. Sans would do the dishes later after since Pappy Cooked the meals and He, he cleaned. He may be lazy, but he does the dishes every time without fail. Manners are important, even for the lazy skeleton such as himself. He stares at the cushion that is on the floor. He thought he might just put a post-it note on it. Maybe next time, he was too lazy for it now. He picked it up and tossed it back onto the couch.  

____(time skip)____

Sans sat at the counter at one of many jobs. Not like he needed them. Their gold and crystal that are from the underground has given them plenty of money to sit on for awhile. But work was nice, even if it was little boring. Was amusing to see humans reactions. Though not as great as that human he meets at Grillby. They paled in comparison to her.

Oh and he was also allowed to sit - not just because he was lazy, though that might be half the reason, - It was because he was pretty tall, and sitting down was a bit less intimidating than standing.

There were no customers as of yet, but it was just before the huge lunch rush, so he had some time to himself and looked at his phone, which looked small in his hands. He might just get an upgrade to get a bigger phone, though he could always ask Alphy’s to do it for him.

He scrolled through social media and the monster equivalent of those sights, seeing a few familiar faces here and there pop up. A few news articles peeking his interest. Some… not as much. He skipped over those until he had a message from Papyrus. That was not usual at all. Papy did text him a bit through the day to make sure he’s actually working.

From COOLDUDE, “SANS I HOPE YOU’RE WORKING, ALSO I NEED TO ASK YOU A FEW QUESTIONS WHEN GIVEN THE CHANCE. - PAPYRUS”

He even shouted in his texts. Even in the virtual world Papyrus was a loud person. But Him asking him questions? Now that was unusual, even for him. But he would humour him. Besides, he still had another 10 minutes to go before people would be left off work. Unfortunately for him, he was not one of them.

From Skellington, “hey paps, yeah i’m working down to the bone, heh. ask away”

Other than asking if he’s working, papyrus never does unless he’s planning something. It was nowhere near where his Birthday. So couldn’t be that. It must be something else. A small ‘ ping’ sound sounded from his phone as he got a reply.

From COOLDUDE, “SANS!! STOP WITH THE PUNS!!! ANYWAY, *COUGHS* AS I AM YOUR BROTHER IT HAS COME TO MY ATTENTION THAT YOU GOT UP WHEN I ONLY ASKED AND I ONLY ASKED ONCE! IT CAME AS A SURPRISE AS THAT IS NOT NORMAL! AND PUT ON A CLEAN JACKET!”

So he noticed? Heh, even he didn’t notice that. Papyrus was right, he never usually ventures out from his from his room until like the third or forth yell with some loud knocking at his door which usually ended up being a knock-knock joke.

He completely missed doing so. No wonder paps were surprised earlier this morning.

He quickly typed a reply before putting his phone away and putting it on silent as he quietly prepared for the masses.

From Skellington, “it’s nothing to worry about paps, and sometimes I make the effort to look nice and cool like you bro.”

Short Papyrus p.o.v

He was staring at the ad that popped up on his feed that said “ matchMaker/ wingwoman for hire- the price for my services? Just a meal or two! Contact me with the details below… (phone number and email here along with other details of matching and what it means… also is Monster friendly) ” and then looking at his dating book beside him sitting on his desk by his Computer remembering a few lessons and tips for how to date for when he had a ‘date’ with Frisk...

He Pondered for a moment, looking at his phone reading His Brother’s reply.

It all made sense. Getting up early! Wearing Nicer clothing - least for his brother’s standards. Which in this case went way past those standards!

His brother Sans, might be dating someone! OF COURSE. He should have known!

Well fear no Brother! I THE GREAT PAPYRUS Shall help you out!, Nyeh Heh Heh! ... Heh!” He said to himself, putting the number down from the ad into his phone, eager to message this person of “winging” and “matchmaking’. He might even learn a thing a two. Besides this was for the good of his brother! And he would do anything to help and since the ad helped him put ‘2 + 2’ together, he would ask for the help of a fellow human!

From COOLDUDE, “HELLO HUMAN OF MATCHMAKING AND ‘WINGNESS’ OF WOMAN! I HAVE AN ENQUIRY TO MAKE AND WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE FOOD?"