#i wonder if theres people interested its been 4 years already

[nori-the-cat]

a bit of a long ramble but

I'e been observing and following kpop on and off for some time because theres really not much other music out rn besides whatever is mainstream and even that doesnt always interest me enough. but I just wonder why so much of kpop has been so dramatic lately? lkke in these past few years online drama seems to increase surrounding idols especially and what idols do in their personal life doesnt need to be shared online like wtf and it just seems like every small thing for kpop groups tend to become big drama or their fans make it big drama all the time. thats why i watch from afar these days cause it seems anyone can have negative thing to say abt anyone whos in the kpop entertainment. even if there is some good things abt kpop music, overall it doesnt paint it in good light cause it make their fans seem like a pack of wild vultures who watch their idols like hawkes or ppl who cant seem to mind their business or let idols roam freely in their spare time cause smartphones seem to mean ppl can shove them in the idols face esp at airports.

its just kind of tiring most of the time like if people just liked it for the songs it wouldnt be so bad instead it seems to be one extreme or the other. i dont blame idols for never saying who they date bc look at what happened to karina and the actor. social media just spoils the fun of something and makes it into something else enitrely where its now often filled with dramas or toxic behaviours idfk whatever ppl post towards idols it only for them to get more negative reactions. i wouldnt be surprised if most idols are already dating but when it seem to get leaked in the media then ppl who are their fans act like it end of the world. i think the problem isnt social media itself but more so smartphones bc ppl who are more their hard core stans, i guess is the right word, they might go to extremes and they keep showing that extreme behaviour any time something doesnt sit right with them. like one minute the idol can be worshipped and next they can be tarnished so they cant really win anymore.

when ppl say that kpop is becoming westernised i only think thats in the sense of them adding foreigners nowadays to the groups, but the groups and their fans are still very much particular towards things like in 2024 i didnt expect idols dating to still be considered a scandal? whereas in the west they date who they want or idfk adult idols going out to clubs and drinking seem to surprise some folk. even the stuff in the media dont surprise me anymore cause it no a big deal to me at least. honestly with the way their fans behave online and irl towards idols theres one thing im glad abt and that is i will never have to deal with them or knetz lol.

its shame bc theres still so much kpop could bring to music but its so formatted and rigid or set in its ways of doing things. the other thing is they arent debuting older age idols who may have more life experiences and they may be more mentally prepared to handle such fans behaviours or they might have different style vocals and so on, so with that in mind im like its so awkward and horrible to even watch the way much younger idols get treated or mistreated, i should say, by their own fans and maybe by other adults that they work with.

other than whatever is mainstream there doesnt seem to be market for my age group anymore cause in kpop theyre debuting them too young and ik they always done that but it still feels weird to me to like a group whos 4/5/6 years younger than myself. id have loved an other group like btob or a smaller version of exo but nowadays it seems groups have nearly 30 smth members in them and they usually have to be quite young :/ if ateez had been my age it would seal the deal but i dont even care too deeply for them either its just once in awhile sort of thing i will like their songs why does it always have to be more than that?

like im no going to go doolally about every group nowadays either for this reason that my generation seems to be getting left out of a lot of things to do with kpop. like i honestly really feel old these days esp when i look at an idol and theyre like a 99liner or 00liner :O and kpop probs now considers 20 year olds too old as well :( fomo sets in too when u dont particularly care deeply abt dance challenges or latest internet fads cause i rather just like a group for their songs or their talent than their looks or their group position / personality whatever its called

lastly whoever date or marry bts i honestly feel so bad for them like they going to get so much media attention and their fans wont like it either so the internet will descend into more chaos when they marry if they arent already secretly married that is. it really sometimes often feels like the beatles but with the internet involved its 100x more crazy no matter the group it always has bunch of crazies who seem to twke it way too far

sorry for my long ramble

GUUUUUURRRRL please don’t be sorry for your long ramble. I had similar thoughts as you but I have come to terms with it, especially when I’m the same age as NCT 127 Jungwoo things in K-pop music has become less enjoyable too. Hence, I don’t know much about newer groups or groups outside of my interests ㅠ ㅠ

You also pointed out how fans can idolise their idols and drop them the next minute when they’re “wrong”, for example going to the club, dating, and having a life basically. I think all of this is the company’s fault. Take SM for example, I’m not comfortable in the direction that RIIZE is going with the booheju (girlfriend stan) stuff, but it’s what it makes money? Because of this, I’ve slowly detaching myself from them and only like their songs and I have one particular member that I like, he is Lee Sohee. I also like him because of his singing skill and that’s all.

Overall, I agree with you. Tbh it’s the parasocial relationship that is an issue. Some fans seeks comfort from their idol and the idol gives them that. However, often they forget that an idol job stops when they’re behind the camera. They have a life too. So, I’m with you on this too. I have started to like a group for their song and less about what is trendy or their looks and personality. Girl groups wise I’m into Aespa, NewJeans and BabyMonster. Their songs are right up my alley. Now, the younger idols debuting is a problem in it of itself. But this has happened way before in Kpop. Take Taemin for example, or NCT Dream Jisung. I think the main reason is that the younger they are, the easier to “manipulate” them or influence them. I guess if a company debuts someone above 25 years old, they’re going to have a hard time dealing with them because their pre-frontal cortex has developed.

that’s my easiest bet! 🤡

I’m also not Korean so I can’t say for certain this is true. However, I’m Asian. I realise Asian people put so much emphasis on good character. Because of this, idols are seen as role models and they are constantly judged and put on a pedestal. It’s kinda sad really. So, take Seunghan for example, whether his rumours are true or not. His scandal has been a huge part of his idol career and to some, it could look like there is no going back. In terms of fan wars, I think people on the internet are just bored or mean. Most fan wars started by some troll or a fan who likes to compare other idols. I don’t know much about fan wards but this is what I noticed. I’m pretty sure if BTS gets married, it is during the time of their life where they are not at their “prime”. That way is easier for them to be accepted by their fans and the South Korean. Take, Ryewook from Super Junior. He got married recently and the fans seem fine. But ofc, we can’t exclude the obsessive fans. I’m sure idols realise they have obsessive fans. In general, I’m pretty sure idols knows their consequences and downsides to being an idol. We as fans also have full control of our interests. The only thing becoming Westernised in kpop is the song and not the culture. 🤡

[suffarustuffaru]

Reading your tags about how people miss the very obvious "there's some fucked up shit boiling underneath" regarding Otto, just gave me a sudden realization. Otto is the only character I know in fiction where they act all innocent and drive up the "clumsy", "just in the side-lines" and "straight-man (heh)" persona. When. Like no one's in the EMT camp is buying it. They know he's way more capable than he let's on. Meanwhile, the tomfoolery is completely brought on by the Western audience.

Like Otto is failing miserably to make other characters believe that he's not up to mischief, Roswaal even thinks it can bring his downfall. But the audience, who even sometimes *sees* his fucked up thought process, is buying it.

*head in hands*

no u bring up so many good points bc ive been really thinking about this for a while T^T its such an interesting phenomenon in the difference in perception otto has between the japanese speaking half of the fandom vs the english speaking half which can be explained by—yeah. media illiteracy mainly. im also putting my head in my hands anon T^T

because—okay sorry wkdndn im gonna get into meta again but hear me out bc this pattern of the fandom underestimating otto is interesting bc i kind of sort of i cracked the code maybe??? o.o i think the nature of otto is a character is that youre SUPPOSED to underestimate him at first, just like what happens sometimes in universe. i mean wayyy back then i definitely wasnt expecting him to get more depth added to him in arc 4–which was a pleasant surprise—which is also the reaction the vast majority of people have to reading/watching arc 4, along with the other vast majority reaction which is being a bit endeared to ottosubas friendship and respecting otto for being a good friend. and then its easy to underestimate otto bc of 1. all the chaos going on in rezero at any given moment and 2. hes almost always overshadowed by other characters doing worse shit or being more insane than he is and 3. otto of course damn well knows hes easy to underestimate and counts on that. thats what he did against roswaal in arc 4. plus—i mean even aesthetics-wise hes 100% DESIGNED to be easy to underestimate. his outfit and physical features make him look either friendly or frazzled or soft. so i think that the point is that we were supposed to be kind of fooled—at first.

because yeah, we’re endeared to otto. we respect him for helping subaru the way he did. we think that hes a nice person and we now support his actions especially after feeling sympathetic towards him after learning his backstory. (or at least the average audience member will think this wjdndn.) but like—you dont even NEED to look at any side content at all for it to dawn on you that theres something Wrong. with him. like all you need is main route arcs 3-8 aka ottos entire screentime thus far, because at arc 4 its so easy to overlook otto unless youre thinking a bit deeper (for example—he gets violent with subaru. like yeah its entertaining, its played for laughs a bit, yeah subaru needed to be snapped out of his own head, but was it 100% necessary??? why did otto have this response??? bc if you just look at the main timeline otto really decided to beat up subaru first. and bc this tendency is now Less Funny in arc 8).

but even if youre just looking at rezero face value, when you get to arc 5 its starting to get even more clear that ottos weird in the head. like we already saw him being very good at scheming and planning in arc 4–in arc 5, we find out about otto hiding the tome for a year. we find out WHY hes been hiding the tome for a year. the tome then leads the witch cult into priestella, so like—in the sense, otto is RESPONSIBLE for arc 5. but theres STILL a tendency sometimes for the audience to continue underestimating him even though by this point we’re getting more clues and many characters around otto, like you said anon, KNOW hes very capable. i keep wondering why this is, but arc 5 is, again, FULL of chaos and different storylines happening at once, so its so easy to almost kind of forget otto there in the background until he occasionally pops up again. plus otto serves an additional role as comedic relief sometimes—he spends all of arc 5 being bitchy and whiny (i say this affectionately HAH) about his camp being full of disasters, for example, so i think the natural response from the audience tends to be “aw otto!! what a silly guy!!” sometimes. you know? so its like. i think at this point some people tend to be like “yeah fair that otto was wary of roswaal and thats why he saved the tome…. anyway ooooh whats going on with these other plot points” wobsbss. its so fascinating bc—ok this might be my own personal experience but anyone reading this pls tell me if you agree or not—i dont think ive seen a lot of people actually even MENTION otto bringing the tome into priestella attracting witch cultists. and the english speaking fandom LOVES to go into certain characters’ wrongdoings so why gloss over otto????

the only explanation i have for this is that from arcs 3-4 underestimating otto is. kind of the point of his character UNTIL you get to arc 5 and the clues in the main story start seeping in even more. and also the western audience DOES have media illiteracy a lot. theres that too. just look at rezero content on youtube or reddit or fanfic sites or other things of that sort T^T but no yeah i think ottos nature as a character exacerbates it. youre supposed to start asking questions about him. youre supposed to start connecting the dots and then SUDDENLY its now EXTREMELY obvious in arc 7-8 and even while theres so much chaos going on its basically shoved in your face. arc 7-8 is just delivering on all the leadup that was arcs 3-5.

and i think that youve gotta be media illiterate for sure to NOT get that otto is not squeaky clean and innocent BY ARC 8. i think that ottos the deconstruction of the loyal best friend trope, and also a mirror into what subaru couldve been like if he decided to be more ruthless instead of jumping right to forgiveness and saving everyone, except sometimes that flies right over the audience’s head wkdndnd. it confuses me bc ive seen some people completely miss the point or completely agree with otto and overlook the Bad Parts of it or, you know, STILL think ottos perfectly sane—like T^T please.

and yeah so back to what you said about otto Not being underestimated In Universe—its such an interesting detail bc hes ALWAYS been simultaneously pathetic and Very Competent wjdndnd. but yeah no all of his friends have seen various hints and clues and evidence of what hes capable of. like even though he hid the tome from them successfully and even though hes hiding info now its INEVITABLE that its gonna blow up in his face one day. like you got characters like garfiel who literally saw otto punch the wall and break his hand in an unhinged fit of rage, julius who got snapped at by otto and while julius is a Bit naive definitely knows somethings off there, anastasia whos smart as hell and definitely knows not to underestimate otto, and roswaal who, like you said anon, literally went out of his way to stop otto from breaking his hand in another unhinged fit of rage and warned otto that he will literally be destroying himself if he keeps going on like this. its this fascinating dichotomy bc otto is NOT fooling anyone around him but at the same time his current schemes are mostly unnoticed—for now—which yeah i havent seen that in a lot of media!!! its an interesting balancing act bc people around him realistically know hes competent after seeing the Proof of that for the past couple arcs, but otto is still finding ways to try and Win…

which—again, the anger and violence is an extension of arc 4 otto!! this is the same guy!! hes always been like this!! ottos kind of stayed the same, deep down, this whole time and as an audience its ONLY shoved in our face with a big gigantic spotlight on it FOUR ARCS LATER, but it was hinted to all this time. and like you said anon—we LITERALLY see ottos fucked up thought processes. literally what sane person thinks any of that shit. its spelled right out for the reader HAH T^T which—yeah. media illiteracy…. and also this whole ask was a longer way of just saying that otto is VERY easy to see at surface level if youre media illiterate. but at the same time it should be very easy to figure out otto is A Bit Fucked Up bc tappei underlines it in bright red print!!! i think people sometimes just hang onto soft awkward silly otto and forget about the rest T^T either that or they dont think he cares about subaru at all. which. that phenomenon of thinking characters that do care about subaru Dont Care is also interesting to me bc why????? we’re at arc 8 and you STILL dont get it??? o.ooooo

but yeah apart from that….. i said this earlier but yeah sometimes some people agree with ottos realism in arc 8 which is. understandable, but the whole point is that he is EXTREME. with it. hes Not in the right here, but the same crowd that wants wanton revenge in rezero is gonna agree with that kind of stuff T^T ottos been lurking in the background so much so that tappei made it meta by doing the whole “walking in darkness” part of his character, so i guess people just. dont see ottos ACTUAL worst traits and instead think he would ditch subaru at the first opportunity or something. but at the point we are now, arc 8 ottos problem isnt that hed ditch subaru. his problem is that he would sacrifice the world for subaru. his problem is that he gets extremely angry at subaru for trying to do good. his problem is that hes trying to micromanage everything around him and is willing to sacrifice anything necessary to get what he wants. but sometimes people dont get that bc otto doesnt look sound or seem like a character thatd do that. the Underestimation part of his character is doing too well on. certain audiences. please T^T the soft and awkward and silly parts ARE part of his character just like all the Darker parts are!!!

additionally im also wondering if western audience perception of otto is also clouded by the fact that otto looks and sounds more feminine / androgynous and he doesnt have the appeal of Overt Power either……. he cant Really be waifu-ified… and he cant be used as a weird self insert like subaru…. and you Have to look at him closer to understand him…. and for some reason people dont tend to hate on him so aggressively, if anything people cant even see his actual canonical flaws half the time wkdndn so if youre not paying attention otto CANT be aggressively hated on bc theres nothing there if ur not looking at it….. and if youre not paying attention otto seems more “boring” compared to the others…… (not that people arent allowed to not have otto as a favorite character bc thats totally fair but im talking about the tendency to think hes Saner than he actually is.) but yeah these are just my guesses. i have no clue the western fandom is a little T^T some people unfortunately cannot read.

anyway. big thank you to the japanese fanbase for understanding ottos character more and making so much wonderful fancontent for him T^T also i think that we as a collective fanbase should stop underestimating otto in general bc its exactly what he wouldnt want and i think itd be really hilarious. <3333 make him explode with rage please

[bubsub69]

Entry 1

entries 1-13 were written pre-tumblr

12/05/2023 4:08

4am what better time to start a diary, who knew waking up for 9am classes and then at noon on the next day and then 9am etc could fuck up your sleep schedule.

But yeah… why start a secret encrypted diary now? the first one i've ever made? idk, im just tired and afraid and sick of being lonely and touch starved and all the other stuff

Definetely didnt help to scroll through r/niceguys and seeing the I'm 21 kissless virgin that was bullied and ignored by girls that isnt sexist and racist and doesnt do drugs and thinking wow its literally me and then it being followed by females owe me sex the post: https://www.reddit.com/r/niceguys/comments/12n0m5q/ngvc_im_not_a_sexist_but_females_owe_me_sex/

cause you know… what if i become like this, what if i become an even bigger nuisance than i already am and/or fuck up my chances of ever finding someone, it's especially worrysome that i felt bad for some of the guys, you know simpathizing with the kind of people that call women whores for not wanting the nice guy, cant believe i went to the subreddit because of the omoriboy soy parody (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ahPdX90_6jg).

And then there's the someone i found ish just gonna call her D She replied to my post on the femdompersonals subreddit and it was pretty close to love at first sight, but probably very one sided, i mean shit she was now moving from the us to porto what better luck could i want. But she's been very busy, especially with the moving, it took from her texting me on the 26 of april to the 7th of may just to have a 1 hour call.

And boy that call was something, i literally think it was the only time i was genuinely happy in like.. i dunno a month? a year? more? i couldnt even sleep that night, i really needed that call cause i thought she was just fucking with me at that point, you know pretending to be interested and catfishing me for something but no i got a 1 hour call and she even showed me her face at the end, i was kinda expecting something sexual but no it was just getting to know each other which is fine for a first call, she's a really cool and interesting girl, i did think it was weird she just went to walk her dog mid conversation but i guess its something that cant wait, it probably had to pee as well.. maybe it was actually nice of her not to hang up on the call while she was walking the dog.

But yeah i'm kind of back at square one, shes not busy with moving but she has a million hobbies apparenly that she balances with her work and learning a new language and all that stuff, shes had a non specified workshop and a ceramics class as excuses which.. yeah im doubting if shes actually doing, i even commented wow you have a lot of hobbies which i was scared of doing cause i didnt want to imply shes lying even if i have the gut feeling she is, and it makes me feel awful to not trust her, but honestly i think i'd be fine with all that if she just put some initiative in texting, literally the only time she texted first was for a link to a game that she didnt even comment on, really makes ya wonder is she doing some 'woman games™' or just fucking with me or just seeing how far she can push me.. fuck i am becoming an incel, cause you know its the classic i have a life outside of you, you cant just expect me to make time for you everyday but fuck maybe the first call was a bad ideia cause now i just crave more, i seriously think theres some potential here but not if she doesnt have time for me, which im obviously not entitled to but ofc i still want it.

im just so scared of texting her, if i do it too often i might annoy her, if i dont do it enough she might forget about me.. i dont even know whats worse, i tried texting every other day but that also seems like too much, i dunno do i just wait for her to text me and make a call appoinment, it also kind of doesnt help i dont even know her name or age, granted she doesnt know my name either but yeah its another layer of anonymity that i want to get rid of, maybe i should try on the weekend, its when we had the call and she might have time, we'll see

She did kind of mention meeting up one day, dont know if she was just being nice of something, but i just wish i knew how she feels about me, or just get some advice with texting her, i dont want to be disingenuous either and write what someone else tells me to, how do i balance being needy and not annoying.

and theres also the voice.. i'm honestly starting to worry im losing control to the self degrading voice i have inside me, that thing is real mean, its whats making me distrust her and shit, i even thought i 'defeated' it with the call but it just came back same as before. The youre useless and an annoyance and all those thoughts are kind of starting to worry me a bit, especially since the suicide thoughts are becoming a bit too common, im still far from it, im too scared to do it, but the first step of commiting suicide is having the reason to do it, and i also think im kind of becoming a psycopath, not in the edgy way its just ive become so apathetic lately, the 'mom would be sad' strategy doesnt work at all cause im so sick of her, between being annoying and not trusting me and being dumb and the shit she did to my cousin and kind of being blamed cause shes getting unknown disease cause of stress, ive kind of grown to hate her a bit i did cry a bit when i got my cousin's graduation ribbon (its a thing here, you write shit like good job and good luck), reading the only ribbon that i got that wasnt just generic garbage made me tear up a bit, not immediately just when i got home, and it didnt help when she hugged me and said if you ever leave pls take me with you, so yeah maybe im not apathetic i just hate my mother

There's also my cat, im kind of getting… idk sick of him too angry, it just feels like he doesnt like me sometimes, which is absurd he comes to greet me and only me when i arrive and hes actually been sleeping a bit with me tonight and yesterday, but the biting when i pet him is really annoying.. what am i saying its just cat stuff its normal. I am feeling kinda weird when i pet him and think damn i wish i was the one being petted (not by him ofc), you know just lying on girls lap and being petted, r/cuddle_slut really made me realize how fucking touch starved i am.

Or maybe i should just move on from her.. maybe she doesnt want that kind of relationship, i really dont want to start talking to someone else while im talking with her tough, feels real scummy, i kind of did that with someone on skype, i had a couple of sessions with her but she kind of stopped texting me as i was talking to D which was lucky, but in those sessions i had full video on and she didnt even use her voice so i guess its kind of fair, she was also the one that took the initiative texting so who knows maybe shes doing what im planning on doing, letting her text first which didnt really work out for her cause i didnt and now our last message is from the 28th. typing this really discouraged me from the let her text first and see what happens strategy, i guess ill settle for trying on the weekend tough this saturday i have the ribbon party so hopefully i have time and energy to call her

Maybe ill just try some keyholding, just to do something sexual that isnt just showing my junk and locking it or putting my finger in my ass for the skype girl, but the problem with keyholding is that it might take some time.. what if while im locked D wants to do something and i reveal i've been """unfaithfull""" i think im gonna wait a bit more for her i really want things to work out with her she just seems like a really cool person but im worried im too much of a loser for her, the very busy woman who managed commitees has a million hobbies and her boyfriend who's a stay at home gamer

I guess that's it for first entry, hopefully when I'm rereading this im in a better state, or maybe im showing this to my therapist or hey maybe even D or whatever her name is, overall not bad for a first diary entry i think, i got to rant a bit even if it was just on a keyboard, i think im gonna start writing here a bit, some non sad stuff as well hopefully

maybe ill dump this on some ai text and see what happens (garbage pretty much)

See you on entry 2 i guess.

PS wow its 5:15 was not expecting to spend an hour writing this

[gb-patch]

Ask Answers: July 10th

I really let asks get away from me lately. I was super focused on working on that Patreon Moment. With that done I can finally think about doing other things, so here’s a new collection of answers!

Thank you for sending in questions everyone ^^.

For the new Patreon moment, will you be able to reference it in step 4? Or just like a tiny nod to it if you pick certain choices?

There won’t be. I’m sorry if you were hoping for that! The Patreon moment is meant to be entirely optional, it’s not something that gets you extra content in the main game.

Is the new CG artist the main one now? :0 I’ve noticed theres been a difference in the art style recently. Is the old CG artist still going to make art for the game? :0

The original artist still makes CGs for the game sometimes, but he mainly focuses on character sprites.

Are you going to put the NSFW our life moment on a website other than patreon? I would love to get it but I can't use patreon atm.

I don’t know. I'm afraid we can't release the Patreon Moment on a normal game storefront because we can't mix 18+ content with our family friendly game. If there's some other place similar to Patreon where it's not the normal type of full-scale public content releases we'd consider using that, but I’m not sure if there is another site that’s better than Patreon in that regard. I'm sorry.

Out of curiosity, in all of your games so far, which characters in each were the most fun to write? They obviously don't have to be your favorite characters!

Buffalo Seer in AFA, really everyone in XOD/XOBD is pretty equally entertaining to write, The Guide in LoV, and Cove in OL!

idk if you accept "personal" questions, but is there anything you've been watching/ listening to lately

Mostly, I’ve been watching/listening to Authortube videos as of late! It’s people who talk generally about the process of how books become traditionally published and/or share their own experience as they attempt to be published. I don’t have an interest in writing normal text based books, but it’s really interesting to hear about that world. I’m listening to a video about royalties right now as I answer these asks.

Will one of the desserts we get to pick be fudge? That'd be such a cute reference! 

Haha, yeah, it should. Unless I completely blank on it and forget when trying to include the various referential food options.

I don't know if this has been asked previously but what would be the approximate heights for the presets MC can choose from Step 2 ~ 4? Are there any measurement you had in mind? Sorry if I didn't make myself clear kk I've been struggling with my English lately 💀 

I don’t know, ahah. I didn’t have any numbers in mind for that. So it’s whatever you imagine it is!

I noticed a bug with the Patreon moment when it comes to what your character wears. When Jamie and Cove are kissing while my character only had dresses selected, I had both the option to remove the dress or to remove the shirt... Picking one of the options to interact with Cove, after he removed his shirt, it had Jamie remove their shirt followed by ther pants despite only having dresses picked. 

Thank you for reporting ^^

I keep refreshing steam to see when the new doc for xobd will be released. I noticed you haven't posted anything about it in quite some time. Would it be possible to ask about a timeline/potential date? (If it's even this year—) I know you and your team are probably working super hard, I'm just super curious! ~Thank you!~ 

There are more stories done, I just haven’t gotten around to publicly releasing them. Hopefully I will have a chance to spend the time on that sooner rather than later!

hello!! i’m not sure if it’s an update but i’ve just replayed our life and at the end i can’t propose to cove anymore? :(( i’ve actually tried playing twice but the options are not there anymore, did you guys remove the options? i’m sorry if you’ve answered this before!! thank you and have a good one :) 

I’m afraid things haven’t been changed or removed, so I think you might’ve accidentally picked the wrong things somewhere along the way and locked yourself out of being able to propose by mistake. Sometimes you meant to say you want to get married but instead you mis-click and have it so the MC isn’t thinking about marriage or something. All I can suggest is starting from the beginning of Step 3 and making sure to follow the steps listed in the FAQ. I’m sorry for that.

Did yall remove some of the options for when youre making out with Cove in the charity moment? I could've sworn you could grab his bonkadonk and its not there anymore 

This is the same situation as the above. We didn’t remove things and you’re not wrong that there are sometimes those options. But there are various choices you have to make to get those options and it sounds like you accidentally missed something. If your relationship isn’t long-term, you can’t do it for example.

HI IM SO EXCITED I CAN FINALLY GET THE STEP 3 DLC 

Thank you for getting it!

Is Shiloh super totally straight bc I’m very gay and a huge Shiloh fan, would my man make an exception?😩

Sadly, he is one of our super straight characters. I’m sorry.

Hi, I have a very dumb question. In Step 2 does Cove not wanna share his drink with us at the mall (or rather why he stops drinking it) because it's an indirect kiss? Or is it like ...weird to him to share? Because if I remember right he eats off our spoon in the birthday scene right? 

Yeah, he’s awkward about it because he likes the MC and it feels very personal to share a straw with his crush.

Hi! If you don't mind me asking, who is the artist for OL2? Their style is so pretty! 

Thank you for saying so! This is her Twitter- https://twitter.com/redridingheart

Do Beginnings & Always and Now & Forever exist in the same universe? 

Yep! XOXO Droplets also exists in the same universe. It’s one big GB Patch world, haha.

Do Pran's parents regret the way they raised him? Do they feel ashamed of it?

No. They’re the type of people best cut out because they’re not gonna change. Which is why Pran does go very limited contact when he’s an adult.

Hi! I just wrapped up my second playthrough of Our Life, and I absolutely adore it, but I had a question. I went to the gallery and found I was missing 2 CGS (specifically Step 1-3 and 2-3) and I had no clue where they would've shown up. Which moments are those found in? 

You get it by telling Cove about his dad offering you money to be his friend in Step 1 and Step 2. You can’t get both in one playthrough, since you can only tell Cove the truth once. I’m really glad you liked it!

Hi hi! Please, how tall is Baxter and Derek? Love the game so much and I can't wait to see more! 

I don’t know, aha. I think Baxter was around 5′10 and Derek was like 5′8/5′9, maybe. I really am not one who has specific heights for things in mind.

is adult cove a bottom, top, or switch? 

A switch, though would choose the top if he had to pick.

I was wondering if there is a way to transfer save data? Even if through the game files. I wanted to be able to transfer my save data from my desktop over to my laptop so that I could continue playing right where I left off from but I'm not entirely sure how to go about that. 

If you save the save folder/persistent data of the game from your desktop and put it into the game folder on your other device, that could work.

Hi! Is it possible for us to know the date when our life: now and forever comes out on steam? Sorry if you've mentioned it before but I haven't seen it and I'm looking foward to that happening and just wanted to know :) 

It’s gonna be a long time, I’m afraid. There’s no estimate right now.

I started playing Our Life with my sister a while ago, and I think you guys should know that we discovered your secret. >:)

L from death note and Cove are clearly the same person, and this whole game is just an origin story!!

I’ve never seen that show so I’m sorry to say I don’t understand the connection/reference you’re trying to make. I’m pretty out of the loop when it comes to media. I don’t watch movies or TV.

Will OL2 have options for disabled MCs?

I understand if it's too complicated, just curious

Unfortunately, it’s not really something we have a plan for. We couldn’t finish the game if we tried to include every disability and have it be meaningful. It’d just be too much content to create. But if we decide to only include a few, how would we choose which disabilities get to be represented and which are left out? I don’t know. It’ll probably have to be something we don’t include as an option again, sadly. I’m sorry.

playing our life > anything else 

Haha, I’m glad you’re enjoying it.

Honestly, I would like to thank Our Life for helping me come to terms with my sexuality. Before, I never would've actually thought that it was possible to like boys romantically and still be asexual. Almost all of the BL visual novels I've read had unskippable sexual content in them and it honestly just didn't click with what I feel. I'm glad I found Our Life. I love the game, the developers, and this fandom so much. Now, I can safely come out as homoromantic AND asexual (at least anonymously here anyway; my parents are still huge homophobes 😂). 

Aw, it’s great to hear you felt comfortable being yourself in the game! That’s wonderful. I’m really sorry about your parents, though.

Will the demo for OL2 be on android? Really not sure if I could wait any longer than I have to aha 

Yeah, it’ll be available for Android once we eventually release a demo!

Do all these reveals perhaps mean development is progressing ahead of schedule? Please let that be the case I'm already obsessed with Qiu 

No, sorry, aha. Art comes along much faster than script/programming-work for us. It’s gonna be a long time before the game is a finished thing you can actually play. But at least we can look at the beautiful images.

Hey! First of all I wanna say I reallllllyyyyy loooovvveeee Our Life and XOXO Droplets! I have over 300 hours of playtime on Our Life… Anyways, I was just wondering, are the Derek and Baxter DLCs going to come out at the same time? If not, which one do you plan to release first? :3 

They will come out separately and Derek will be first! Glad you like the game.

I keep replaying Our Life to get every possible iteration and I am loving it <3 I was wondering if Cove gets locked out of his confession because MC was talking to Lee, would it be possible to confess to him in step 4? 

Yeah, you can avoid the confession in Step 3 and then get it in Step 4.

Hi, my Cove wears bracelets through step 2 and 3 but I still don't get an option to give him a bracelet? I didn't even know that was possible until I seen someone else ask about it lol 

Hm, did you use the Cove creator? Maybe there’s a bug where using the creator to add bracelets doesn’t fulfill the requirement to give Cove a bracelet in Step 3.

Wait, I'm dense, when does Baxter appear in step 2? Is it from big park firework? I feel so bad since i really love Baxter and waiting to buy his dlc. 

It’s in the Soiree Moment. You have to be just friends with Cove, indifferent, or crushing but not ask Cove to the dance at all. Then while there you can find someone new to dance with. But if you bring Cove to the dance while crushing, the MC won’t wanna dance with anyone else so you can’t get the scene.

In step 2 when we go to the soiree I made my mc go alone and baxter chooses the mc to dance, i'm curious, why did he pick the mc? sorry if this has been asked before! 

Because the MC looked to be around his age, seemed to also be searching for a partner, and had nice legs. A perfect option for him.

I read some of the FAQs, and I saw that we could tell Baxter about the condo that he rented there was previously the mean old grandparents. how do we get the mc to tell him that? 

It happens in the DLC Moment “Late Shift”. If you don’t have a job you instead get a longer scene with Baxter.

I don’t know if you’ve addressed this or not, but are you planning on paying voice actors for our life: now and forever? 

Yeah, we pay our VAs in all our projects.

hey can i ask how you did the moments thing in ol? im trying to get into making visual novels and while im VERY sure its out of my comfort zone and all that atm i kinda wanna know just for the future, bc im p sure it would work well for something i wanna do :O but its also fine if you cant say for other reasons :> 

I’m afraid I’m not sure what you mean. Are you asking how we programmed the screen or something script related? Adding Moments like that is pretty straightforward, though. You just have buttons that open to different labels and then the scripts are essentially individual short stories/vignettes. Good luck with your VN!

Since Autumn becomes gender fluid later in the game, will there be a character who remains as he/him to romance in game? 

OL1 has the he/him LIs, OL2 is all about other genders.

I don't want to impose on your creative plans, but a parrot could possibly make a good pet in an OL-type game? They're pretty long-lived and likely to still be thriving by the end even if the MC got them back in step 1. 

I do appreciate the suggestion, but I’m afraid it’s not likely going to happen. I understand there are technically some animals that could theoretically live long enough to last the whole game that or we could have the MC only get a pet after some years have already passed. But the many things that would have to be considered/accommodated for makes it just something we probably can’t manage adding. I’m sorry.

As time passes will we be able to see Qiu and Tamarack's other stage arts as well?

They are both so cute i can't wait to be friends with them!

Yeah, we’ll show content from other Steps in the future. It’ll be a little while from now, though.

Can you date Cove and still have your family comfort you in the car?

You can’t get Cove’s Step 3 confession scene if you have the family comfort you in the car. But that’s not the only way to date him. You can get together with him earlier in the game or later on in Step 4.

Is Mc always going to be the one walking down the aisle or could Cove do it? Also could you choose to have one of your moms walk you? 

No. Cove wouldn’t want to walk down the aisle like that and the MC automatically respects that. And the MC also gets to have their preferences respected, so it’s up to you whether they want to do an aisle walk or not. You also can pick who, if anyone, walks with you.

Once step 4 is out, will you be able to go the whole game on crush/love without either of you confessing? 

Yes, as long as you tell the game you don’t want to progress the relationship. Even in Step 4 it won’t force you to officially get together.

Howdy, so in Step 4, there will be any Romance with Derek that is not part of any dlc? 

He’s only a friend unless you get his romance story.

Will the step 4 in OL2 be one big step or are you considering moments? 

Step 4 is just an epilogue in both games.

hi kind of a weird question but!! we know tht cliff doesn't start dating again but. wht abt flings? like does he ever do 1 night stands or anything? thank u!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Nope. Cliff has a very small interest in sex. If he’s not in a real relationship with a partner he’s crazy about it simply isn’t something he feels a need for, so one night stands wouldn’t even cross his mind.

sorry if you've already answered this, but i was wondering if there were plans for there to be bonus love interests in OL2 like how we have derek and baxter in OL1.

Maybe! There are side characters who could be given romance stories, but whether or not it will happen depends on funding and how long everything else takes to finish.

I don't know if i'm allowed to ask about ol2 here yet, if not u can ignore this or answer it later. My question is can you date one of them and be good friends with the other? I don't want to be strangers with the other bcs i love them both a lot :<

Yes you can!

what patreon level do i have to be to unlock the nsfw moment? im on the $5 one right now, will that give me access to the moment, or just access to the moment progress? 

That’ll give you access! Tier 2 and anything higher allows the player to download it.

[cocogukkie]

2020 in review: kdramas (the heart fluttering, the disappointing, the saviors of 2020)

it’s december 31st! the new year is quite literally upon us (some of y’all are already in 2021) and my procrastinating self has chosen to upload this today. i’ve always loved these rec lists and I wanted to do one for 2020! this year was a rollercoaster for kdramas with some excellent ones and some not so excellent ones. i watched all of these in 2020 but not all of them were released in 2020.

if you want to use my questions to make your own list please do!! or give your favs in the tags, i’d love to read them. (fair warning, some of these have multiple answers bc i just can’t choose one!!)

drama that made me laugh

When The Camellia Blooms (2019)

i finally got around to watching when the camellia blooms this year and it. was. so. funny. oh my goodness, the comedic timing in so many scenes was pure excellency and im kinda mad at myself that i didn’t watch this last year. this isn’t just a comedy for those who are interested, its a thriller/romance but its also so fucking funny. definitely watch this if you want to laugh (and be touched bc the emotional scenes in this one are beautiful)

drama that made me cry

Sweet Home (2020)

hahah….. um this one is gonna go to sweet home friends. i went into this one with zero expectations and the first couple episodes didn’t really wow me? but i kept watching and holy shit fam. this show really picks up story-wise around ep 4 and makes the viewer love a lot of these initially unlikable characters. all i can say is that the end was devastating for me and i cried quite a bit. (warning, there are a lot of mature themes in this one so make sure you look for trigger warnings or send me an ask and i’ll list them all out for you) 

best OST

Itaewon Class (2020) 

i loved the ost for itaewon class!! the music is just so inspirational and pump up music, its so good. my favorites are ‘you make me back’ by woosung and ‘start’ by gaho.

drama with chemistry royalty (aka the best couple) 

i have three for this one because i just cannot choose one. 

It’s Okay To Not Be Okay (2020)

we recognize this one as one of the best things to come out of 2020. go moon young and moon kang tae have some of the best chemistry i have ever seen in a drama couple. i waited on the edge of my seat every single week for the next couple of episode just so i could fawn over these two. they work so well together, lift each other up, and so fucking funny together and support one another. while they’re not the chillest couple (lmao) they’re most certainly one with the most personality. they’re so cute and bicker and they just get each other. who could ask for more.

Flower of Evil (2020)

our badass mom and dad 😭😭. this was another peak drama that came out this year and our married partners-in-crime-but-not-really had amazing chemistry. baek hee sung and cha ji won were so cute as a married couple but they were even more precious later on in the drama after certain things unfolded (no spoilers). they both just get each other and protected one another as well as on the most precious kdrama children this year, their daughter eunha. they were so wholesome, flower of evil is so very worth a watch.

Into The Ring (2020)

this was one of the more underappreciated kdramas of the year but hoo buddy was the main couples chemistry top notch. they were so friggin cute and i just couldn’t. goo se ra is highkey one of the best female characters i’ve ever seen, she’s absolute chaos, lawful chaos, but chaos nonetheless. her other half, seo gong myung is opposite from her as lawful neutral. he’s just along for the ride that is se ra and loves her. they’re both so very fond and protective of each other and back each other up!! very very cute and you’ll definitely replay more than a couple of their scenes together.

most disappointing

Record of Youth (2020)

it’s sad but true… i went into this one with so much hope and excitement (i was riding off that ‘psycho but its okay’ high) and i was vastly disappointed. the plot mostly focused on the male lead, and there wasn’t much characterization for the female lead which i didn’t like. honestly, i only cared about maybe 3-4? characters in the whole drama. the rest were absolutely terrible or plain boring and i ended up skipping eps 14 and 15 and just watched the finale. i would not recommend tbh.

drama you can’t really get through

Crash Landing on You (2019)

this one is absolutely on me, i want so badly to love this one. but i just… can’t seem to get past ep 2? i’ve tried!! i swear, but i just cannot get through it. maybe in 2021, i can try again and i’ll enjoy it more.

drama everyone else liked but was meh

Kairos (2020)

i though kairos was a bit predictable tbh. i know those of us who did end up watching it really liked it but maybe its because i watch so many crime/mystery shows that this one didn’t really do it for me. the writing is quite solid and everything connects well, i would recommend that those who don’t really watch thrillers, to watch this one. (also the friendship between the female lead and her two friends is suuuper cute and worth it alone to watch kairos)

favorite romance

It’s Okay To Not Be Okay (2020)

yeah… this one wins again lol. what can i say, i just loved it so much and the main theme of the show is romance (its also a comedy and a mental health/healing drama) all i can say is watch this if you haven’t yet, its definitely worth it!! 

favorite mystery

Memorist (2020)  & Watcher (2019)

i really enjoyed these two mystery dramas. both were super fun to watch and very kinda unique in their own ways. i liked memorist because it was lowkey funny and i liked the relationships between the characters, but most importantly i couldn’t guess the main antagonist by the end! i really thought i knew who it was and then i was completely wrong lmao. watcher was also very good, the main trio had really good chemistry and i really cared about all the characters. (also i’ll never say no to watching seo kang joon) plus the plot twists threw me a bit at the end which is always a feeling i welcome, i love being surprised and wrong (as long as it makes sense)

favorite slice of life

Hospital Playlist (2020)

oh my goodness, i was late to the hospital playlist party and i regret it because this show is so. so. good. its just a slice of life following 5 friends who are doctors and work at the same hospital together but its so much more than that. this is honestly one of the first shows i’ve seen that are optimistic? in the show, every time i thought a plot was going to play out a certain way (usually negatively, as tends to be life unfortunately) it surprised me by taking the more optimistic wholesome route. characters in subplots changed for the better, became more understanding, chose to do the right thing, etc. if you want a feel good drama where the main characters have wonderful platonic chemistry and just care about each other but is also super funny, watch hospital playlist!! (season 2 is coming out early 2021 and im so pumped)

favorite fantasy

The Untamed (2019)

this one is a cdrama but i watched it in 2020, mostly because of how many people on the internet were adamant that the rest of us watch this and ngl they were v right. the untamed was very very good and im really glad i gave it a chance and watched it, its also my first cdrama ever. the chemistry between the male leads is honestly what makes this show and its worth the 50? i think? episodes. to be completely honest the fanfiction for the show are peak and if you do watch this, go straight to ao3 and you will not be disappointed.

dramas that saved 2020

The Uncanny Counter (2020) & Run On (2020)

these two dramas are among those that started airing at the end of the year and will go into the beginning of 2021 and absolutely saved the end of 2020 for me. while neither of these are finished, both have been excellent so far and worth starting. uncanny counter has the best use of the found family trope i have ever seen. i fucking love the four counters and their relationship with each other, how protective they are of one another. they all have amazing chemistry and the actors have amazing chemistry in the making films.

run on has one of the cutest couples that will definitely make my best chemistry list for next year. i didn’t put them on this list bc they actually haven’t gotten together yet but once they do, they’re gonna be freaking adorable, i can already tell. there’s no specific grand events propelling the plot forward, but just following the lives of these unique, interesting and relatable people who have casual yet entertaining conversations with each other. the show is super soft and the main couple are so straightforward and honest (plus theres mutual pining!!)

best dramas of the year

here are my best dramas (and one movie) watched this year, no further explanation given lolol. just watch them and enjoy because these are fucking excellent in the feels department. trust me 💞

It’s Okay To Not Be Okay (2020)

Flower of Evil (2020)

Itaewon Class (2020)

Hospital Playlist (2020)

One Spring Night (2019)

Midnight Runners (2017)

Hot Stove League (2019) 

I hope this gives you some fun stuff to watch!! or convince you to start that drama in your watchlists! 

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom episode 4-7 Thoughts: (under a readmore because, these got kinda long!)

-the outfit danny had to buy for dash's party. CLASSIC 2000S i cannot stop laughing. And also showing up to the party and everyone is dressed like the trio is hilarious. and further proof that everyone looks good dressed goth.

-dash has a closet full of cute lil bear plushies?? LOVE that. adorable. also his response to danny trashing his room fighting a ghost was SO valid if somone BROKE MY BED IN HALF ID BE PISSED TOO.

-technus being like 'oh smart, u should be a tutor!' then later being like 'forget tutor, be a teacher!' :) supportive king <3 I also really like his upgraded suit/design. AND SPOCK CAMEO??? HELLO??

-the music in this show is super. its so funky. I looked it up and the guy who does it, guy moon (awesome name) also did music for other cartoons like fairly odd parents, barnyard, chalkzone, billy & mandy, AND some actual movies like FIGHT CLUB??? the whiplash I got from reading that)

-sam being rich explains a lot about her, actually.

-I know the moral of the episode was supposed to be 'dont ditch your friends for popular people/spend a lot of money on clothes that arent You to Fit In'. but tbh. it wouldve been easy for danny to have been like 'well, okay, ill come but only if my friends can!' but I get. that hes 14. so. not a lot to say there.

-BOX GHOST IS BACK!!!!! also, danny sitting up and wearing the dress/wig/makeup. umm thats how I dress everyday LMFAO. unironically me. (hate the jokes that boil down to 'haha funney man in dress' tho. but this is a look)

-jazz being protective of her brother once again being like NOOO YOU GUYS BETTER NOT STAKE OUT HIS (actually haunted) LOCKER!! shes aware of how people perceive him and she wants to help :( which is also probably why she told dash to invite him to that party even tho she had no interest in going!! she wants to help him out :(

-gotta say im with tucker on the whole 'should danny use his powers to get back at bullies' debate. 100% yes. let him teach kids to fight back. making dash throw his food at paulina out of the blue? no. but when hes actually about to pick on someone? yeah! for self defense? YEAH! if dash and his friends just threw food at him, I think rather than. idk doing sneaky shit with frogs he couldve just threw it back and not pulled punches if they tried to fight. I kNOOWWW its a kids show so they are like 'if u fight back ur just as bad!! violence bad!!' but. theyre HIS POWERS. WHO CARES.

-like my only gripe is that dash really isnt LEARNING ANYTHING WHEN DANNY GETS BACK AT HIM IN THE MOST PETTY INDIRECT WAYS. whatever they had to add a bully psa episode I guess. I hate it and I hate the way cartoons usually handle it because these methods simply Do Not Work. 'aND YouRE USinG YOur poWErs FOR EVill???!' this is Not Evil. even when poindexter takes dannys body, theyre only being 'nice' bc hes stealing soda for them!! bitches deserve what they get (nothing too brutal bc theyre high schoolers but damn, if they pick on danny he doesnt need to be the 'bigger person' he needs to start biting people)

-SAM TRYING TO SMUGGLE FROGS OUT OF THE BIO LAB?? girl in middle school when we had to dissect frogs we could opt out, also, they came to us already dead and preserved...

-sidney's lingo and the fact hes in black and white is sending me. also, danny is a ghost celebrity apparently for being a halfa?? ok. thats interesting to know

-the DENTIST BEING EXCITED ABOUT THE COTTON CANDY FLOOD IS THE FUNNIEST THING SO FAR.

-I LOOOVE the trope of 'wishes gone wrong'. not crazy about the stereotypical genie, or the use of the dreamcatcher looking design. (also, I KNOW theyre scientists but the way theyre handling a cold...are the fentons ANTIVAX)

-the genie. she. whitewished paulina. JKASDFHKJ. (the ghost literally just being hello kitty???? im dying) 'why do i feel that im special and wonderful? because I AM! <3' paulina ilu self worth queen. felt bad for her also getting possessed by (2) boys later who were arguing INSIDE HER. WTF.

-imagine being the guy trapped in his now flying car. he thought danny and tucker were HALUCINATIONS. imagine being trapped in a flying car with two, what you think are imaginary arguing 14 year olds convinced ur gonna die. i WOULD say this dude is gonna need so much therapy, but he seemed totally fine and excited when they landed (I would be happy too if a chicken was on my head. chickens rule) stoner rights

-sam's bat slippers??? iconic. SO cute.

-I think desiree's backstory is so :( do all ghosts have messed up sad backstories?? poindexter's was sad too...cannot imagine box ghost has any kind of fucked up backstory. but what if. his mom got pushed off cliffs by boxes...........a la cruella... anyway her 'no man may lay a hand on me' iconic. ilu

-I know danny has no concept of how much bras cost but my god dont attack tucker with some girls bra. those are so expensive.

-its really. well its not a GOOD THING he went into the portal and got fucked up, but its good danny was the one to do it rather than sam or tucker. because even tho he was being influenced by desiree and kept getting more malicious and it prob wasnt 100% him...he sucked as a ghost like most the people he 'pranked' were innocent ppl just Chillin and he didnt want to help anyone at all. I think danny is the most responsible out of them but also, hes 14 and shouldnt HAVE to feel obligated to fight every ghost. hes a good kid and wants to, but I also feel like he feels like...responsible for the portal turning on?? because his parents did give it up,, but it was an accident and not his fault (if anything, why was the on switch on the inside. why was it that easy. why was there no safety measures. that seems like smth OSHA needs to hear about). like thats my son. hes a good boy. and hes never done anything wrong in his life, ever. if anyone hurts him im killing everyone in this room and then myself. etc.

-danny's curfew is 10PM????? DUDE. when I was 14...shit I couldn't be out that late, I had to be back at like, 8 at the latest, and my parents had to know exactly where and who I was going with, AND i had to call/text them regularly...is this a case of my parents being overbearing, or the fentons sucking??? the only time i could EVER be out that late was if I was at an overnight sleepover or smth...

-the vultures have lil fezes. why do they have fezes...theyre so fuckin funny 'ask him for directions' 'I KNOW WHERE IM GOING' these ghost vultures are my new grandpas. pick them up, put them in the adopt box.

-'I wonder why those guys were trying to waste dad!' THEYRE GHOSTS. YOUR DAD HUNTS GHOSTS. why is that not a conclusion you'd immediately jump to??

-*jazz voice, clearly disgusted* WISCONSIN???

-mrs fenton with the lab coat and leg warmers and PERM. YESSS STYLISH.

-was going to say 'ew billionaire' @vlad but. super valid he used his powers to assumedly steal and cheat to get that money, thats how all billionaires do it! but ew hes a SIMP. and spending your billions on FOOTBALL STUFF?? you are Not Valid overall. I DO respect the fact you have a castle instead of a mansion. in wisconsin. if youre going to be stupidly rich might as well go all out, torches on the wall and all. I DO like his ghost form's little kitty ears. catman. and his cape! every design can benefit from a cape. and how different his forms look, like danny looks the EXACT SAME IN BOTH FORMS ASIDE FROM COLOR CHANGES. vlad's is like,, I could believe they were different people!! also I love the drama. but dude you are fighting a 14 year old. lame. also he was like, telling danny he wanted his mom and him and like, wanted him to renounce his dad?? WHAT ABOUT JAZZ?? bitch. those r MY kids and they are both important and special. I do agree they need better parents but thats not u sir <3

-I thought vlad's 'little badger' nickname for danny came from the football mascot of the packers, but google says they have NO MASCOT?? so now I'm like?? is it because his hair is sometimes black and sometimes white?? I hate to give him props but thats a PERFECT NICKNAME. theyre also tiny and vicious!

-why did I get so excited that Skulker is back!! its been like. 2-3 eps LMAO. AND THE DAIRY KING. ICONIC I LOVE HIM. hes the nicest guy ever :) more nice ghosts please. danny cannot be fighting alone everytime with no ghost buds like every ghost being hostile sucks :(

-mr. fenton knew vlad was controlling him, but a few episodes ago he had no clue danny was doing the same thing...is it something about how malicious the ghost is?? he just seemed to think his memory had gaps the first time, this time he was INSTANTLY LIKE 'GHOST'. then again in this ep when danny did it again he was just slightly confused but not immediately freaking out like he did with vlad possessing him!!

-'my parents will accept ME NO MATTER WHAT' so. so why haven't you come out to them yet, danny?? if you really think that?? if theres no harm, and you're sure??? if vlad is a real problem, wouldnt that make dealing with him easier, to expose him???? SO WHY HAVENT YOU COME OUT YET?? COULD IT BE,, MAYBE YOU HAVE DOUBTS ABOUT WHETHER YOUR PARENTS ACTUALLY WILL ACCEPT YOU??? 🤔 ... 🏳‍🌈 I get why people say He Is Trans. I totally totally get u danny.

-sorta unrelated, but it just occurred to me in one of these eps they go to casper HIGH not casper middle school??? theyre 14?? dont highschools usually do ages 15-18? (I didnt go to hs so I might be wrong, if I am ignore this...) freshmen are usually 14-15, could just be a case of them not turning 15 yet but they will sometime in the school year (I say they because tucker said he was 14 too)? I know the show has 3 seasons, so by the end of it will they be older? thatd be neat but usually cartoon characters stay the same age...I love shows where you can see the characters age and grow up, though...three seasons seems like a long time to spend on like, 1 year...

[argumentl]

The Freedom of Expression - Ep 50 Propheciser with psychic powers, Baba Vanga's predictions.

K: Hi, this is Dir en grey's Kaoru, with this week's episode of The Freedom of Expression.  Joe san, Tasai san, welcome....Uh, its nothing special, but..

J: Nothing special?

K:...We havn't really spoken about this mask...(*gestures to his mask*)

J: Oh, of course.

K: We made it as part of our merchandise.

J: Oh, by the way..hang on a sec (*Turns around to show his jacket*)

T: Ohh, the Dir en grey one from before, right?

K: Tasai wore that once before too.

T: Yeah, on the live broadcast.

K: So today..

J: ...I'm wearing it.

K: Thank you.

J: This is really warm...

K: Really?

J: Um, the normal types of these, what are they called? Coach jackets? This material is a bit different from them.

K: Really?

J: It has a nice crispiness to it.

T: Yeah, I wear it quite a lot. This mask, what does it say on it?

K: I don't know, what is written on it? haha.

J: Is it on sale now?

K: I think so, yeh.

J: Everyone, please have a look!

T: Can I also just show my T shirt?....Its a Tokyo Sports one.

K: Ahh! Seriously?? That looks great!

J: That is cool!

T: Its from the store Hardcore Chocolate in Higashinakano.

K, J: Ohh!

K: Like that other one I sometimes wear? With Fujikawa Kyuji?

T: Yes, yes, yes. We've done a collaboration with them.

K: How good is that?!

J: Ehhh?

T: Its been on sale since Jan 11th. I brought you one each.

K, J: Eh?!

K: Thank you!

T: Thats what I wanted to say today.

J: Thats it? Isn't that great?

K: Ok, well..

J: Shall we start?

K: Yes.

J: This is the news that I chose. So, 2021 has already begun, but what type of year will it turn into? 'Blind propheciser with psychic powers...Baba Vanga'...

K: Its a bit difficult to say, isn't it? Bava Vanga.

J: Yes, Baba Vanga, she has made some predictions. She predicted the simultaneous terror attacks on America, and that the UK would leave the EU. The blind propheciser from Bulgaria, Baba Vanga. She actually died in 1996 aged 85, but she had already made predictions about what would happen in 2021, and she has been correct with 85% of her predictions so far. First, a cure for cancer will be found! Humanity will probably be able to eradicate cancer at the start of the 21st century. Next, President Donald Trump will be struck down with a serious ailment. The 45th president will catch a disease of unknown origin, go deaf, and suffer brain injury. Next, Europe. The European economy will collapse, a domestic asassination attempt will be made on President Vladimir Putin, Islamic extremists  will attack Europe with chemical weapons. Next, worldwide. The world will undergo climate change and suffer great damage. Peoples' awareness will change, an era of distress will dawn, people will be divided. We will witness shocking events which will change the fate of humanity. Thats not all, it goes on....Oil production will stop, trains will fly using solar energy. If oil production stops, the world can rest. In 2021, a strong dragon will seize the earth. Further, three giants will unite, some people will get red money. She also saw the numbers 100 and 5 with lots of zeros. As for the meaning of the dragon, if it were a nation, it is easy to see it as China, the three giants would be Russia, India, and China, and as for the 100 and 5, this could refer to 100yuans and 5000 rubles, as both use red notes. And finally, the last prediction is alien life in space will be discovered, the origin of life on eath will be revealed, and people will be able to make contact will their supernatural siblings from another world. Those are Baba Vanga's predictions. What do you think?

T: She died in '96, and she was already able to predict what would happen in 2021?

J: 25 years later, yes, she predicted what would happen in this year 2021. Well, I mean, she didn't say the name Donald Trump, she just said the 45th president would suffer. But the scary ones are peoples' awareness changing, and shocking events that will change the face of humanity. Thats been going on constantly since last year.

K: By the way, what were her predictions for the year 2020?

J: I wonder what they were.

K: I mean, I like this kind of thing, but don't psychics always put out tonnes of predictions.

J: They do.

K: So something is likely to fit.

J: Yeah, in the widest sense, something like this might happen.

T: Yeah.

K: Something out of these is bound to happen, so we can sit here and say, 'Oh yes, this is right', but if you really tried you could make any of them fit. Psychics do this a lot.

J: Well, yeah, I mean, she was quite specific with the 45th president getting an unknown ailment.

T: And with the assassination attempt on Putin, that was very specific.

J: Yeh, that was. Well..???*1 I'm interested in these bits. But look, it also says alien life will be discovered. This is good for Tokyo Sports.

T: Yeah, for Tokyo Sports, this is great.

J: Humanity connecting with separate worlds..

T: Supernatural siblings.

J: What does Tokyo Sports think of all this? Will it come true?

T: We might be in trouble if it does.

K: Right?! The dragon..

T: Hahaha

K: That would be bad.

J: Certainly though, when you look at something like this, you do end up trying to make it fit.

K: Yeah, when there is a lot.

Kami: Uh...

J: Ah, Kami! Surely you are an expert on this kind of thing, Kami?

Kami: Uh, the name Baba Vanga is incredible, right?

J, T: Yeah.

Kami: As a god of the Sai baba generation, Im attracted to this name.

J: Ahh, Sai baba. Do you know a lot about him?

Kami: No, nothing. Only his name.

J: Haha.

K: Only his name?

Kamu: No, the names of psychics have impact.

J: Ah, of course.

T: Its true, psychics have these kind of plosive sounds in their names.

J: What does 'Baba' actually mean? Like in Sai Baba, or Baba Vanga?

T: Ah, maybe something like 'god'.

Kami: No, its more like babababa~mba~m!

T, J: Haha

J: Kami, what do you think of these predictions?

Kami: Oh, it happens a lot, some peole getting red money. But, it doesn't matter what colour, red, yellow...I want it.

K: You want it, right?

Kami: 100 and 5 with lots of zeros, I want as many zeros as possible added

T: Hmm, yeah.

Kami: I want them to give it out like bababa~m! Babababa!

K: He just wanted to say that, haha

J: Kami, are you drinking?

K, T: Haha

Kami: No, I'm not drinking.

J: You're not?

Kami: No. Joe, you're just paranoid.

J: Haha.

K: But actually, there was some news about the cure for cancer wasn't there?

T: Was there?

K: Yeah, recently.

T: Ehh? Well, maybe these predictions are on point. 85% of her predictions turn out correct...

J: Hm, yeah, if the nice ones are correct, that would be nice. Curing cancer and stuff. I don't want that one about climate change and great suffering to be correct.

K: Well, these things are definitely happening at least somewhere in the world.

T: Right, yeh. Oh, (*reading card*) in the year 4509, conversing with gods will become possible. She predicted that too apparently.

Kami: That has already come true, right? We're talking now.

J: Well, of course, we are doing that.

T: 2000 years early.

K: Yeh..2...2016 years early?

Kami: Sorry its with such a lousy god though.

J: Thats right.

K: Yeah, we are conversing, right?

J: We are so early!

T: Hahaha

Kami: This is one of the 85% correct predictions.

K: Its not, its wrong, we are conversing with gods 2016 years before she predicted it.

J: Yeah, Baba Vanga said it would be in the year 4059. Unless this god talking to us is a fake god?

K: Oh, theres that theory too?

Kami: Can you say that? A fake god?

J: Eh?

Kami? Can you say a god is fake?

J: I mean, if its a half-baked god..

Kami: Im obviously a god..

J: I can't see you though..

Kami: Well, yeah, you can't, haha.

T: Haha, its obvious?

K: We have no idea?

J: We can't see you.

T: But we do have the knowledge that Kami has quite a babyface.

Kami: Ahh, pachinko, yeh.

J: I think Kami should make some predictions about what will happen in 2021, to prove to us that he's a real god.

T: Yes, thats it.

K: Yeah.

J: Right? Kami's predictions!

T: One or two..or three.

Kami: I can't, I havn't thought about it!

J: Haha, no no, if you can descend...

T: Its Kami's predictions.

Kami: Most likely...I'll change jobs.

T: You will...?

K: ...Change jobs?

T: Eh?!

Kami: Yes.

K: Your night shift?

J: His part-time job will change?

T: haha

Kami: Yes, thats it.

J: You can't call that a prediction, haha. Whether or not you will change jobs has nothing to do with humanity!

Kami: Its a prediction.

K: Its not!

Kami: The big gods can say things like an earthquake will come and stuff, but Im a small god.

J: Ah, I see.

K: Even then, he could still do it, its only a statement.

J: If anything it sounds just like a regular action plan.

Kami: Hehehe

J, T, K: Hahahaha

K: You're laughing, Kami? This god is getting more interesting.

Kami: Yes.

T: Kami, can you tell us what will happen to Joe this year?

J: Ah, yes, tell me my fortune. He could tell us all our fortunes.

Kami: Oh Joe? Joe will get drunk and mess up.

J:Hm?

Kami: You'll get drunk and mess up.

J: Well, yeah, haha

T: Thats a fact.

J: Thats just an extension of whats happened up to now.

T: How about something like, 'Joe will get married suddenly' or something?

J: Ah, yes yes yes.

Kami: Ahh, no, you won't.

K: I agree with that *2

J: No?

K: He's not lying, haha.

J: Its because there's no sign of it coming from me currently.

T: But thats the thing! It would be really sudden if you got married in June or something.

J: He said no.

T: Like, the one for you might appear!

J: Yeah, how about that?

Kami: I can see woman trouble for you.

T: Woman trouble?

J: Ahh, it won't work. What about Tasai?

T: Yeah, how about me, Kami?

Kami: ...I can see woman trouble.

J, T: Haha

K: He's just going with the flow.

T: Im getting dragged in by Joe.

J: He has no idea what to say again. Ok, how about Kaoru?

Kami: I can see woman trouble

J: Haha.

T: Is this ???*3

J: Yeah

K: ???*4

Y: Yeah

K: Ok, I think we'll finish this week on that note.  Please subscribe. Thank you very much.

* 2 Not sure im right.

* 1, 3, 4 Couldn't make out.

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[worldserasingandcreatinginmymind]

Flesh & Blood | Part Two

Series Summary: A mysterious stranger with ties to your past shows up in your small village

Chapter Summary: a quiet village, every day like the one before... until a mysterious stranger arrives

Pairing: Count Dracula x reader

Word Count: 2126

Warnings: none

A/N: as always spelling and grammar is not my strongest skill so please be kind :) if you want to be added to the taglist please drop me a message in my ask box

Y/B/D = your birth date, Y/H/T = your home town 

Masterlist | Part One

- - - - -

2020

The shrill beeping of your alarm wakes you up with a jump. You groan and roll over, picking up your phone from the bedside table and hitting the snooze button before dropping it back down. You allow yourself to stay in bed for the next 5 minutes, but its not long before the alarm is reminding you it’s time to get up and start the day. 

An hour later you're ready and leaving for work. You close the front door of the cottage you live in and head down the hill toward the village high street, taking in the views of the sea as you walk. You’ve lived in this village for as long as you can remember, but the view still makes you smile. 

The high street is one main road that runs through the small village and is lined with shops either side. As you walk down the street you greet various other villagers opening up their shops for the day. You hold your breath as you pass the butchers so you cant smell the scent of the uncooked meat hanging in the window. Then you pass the florist and take a deep breath, floral scents flooding your senses. You stop when you reach the local clothes shop and see the owner cleaning up shattered glass.

“Morning Roger” you say and he turns to look at you with sad eyes “what happened?”

“oh someone broke in last night. Smashed the window and stole the suit straight off the mannequin” he points to the naked mannequin left standing in the broken window display.

“did they take anything else?” 

“Nothing. Not even a penny from the till. Just the one suit, thats it.”

“that’s weird. At least theres not too much damage though”

“I guess I should count myself lucky that it could have been much worse. Have a good day y/n” he says with a tired smile as he takes the bucket of broken glass inside the shop.

You pass a few more shops before you reach the door of the bakery cafe and swing the door open, the familiar scent of fresh baked bread and cakes fills the air.

“Morning Maggie” you call as you drop your bag behind the counter and head into the kitchen at the back.

“morning love” She responds, looking at you over the top of her flour covered glasses as she kneads dough on the counter. Maggie is an older lady, with a friendly wrinkled covered face and greying curly hair which was currently contained in a hairnet. She had always been like a grandmother to you, and since losing your parents she was the only family you had left. Apart from being a bit of a gossip, she was a really lovely lady and you love working for her and listening to her crazy conspiracy theories. “did you hear all the drama last night?”

“yeah I’ve just seen Roger outside, he told me all about the break in” you respond, grabbing your apron off the hook and tying it around your waist. 

“oh no I meant about the drama on the beach?”

“no? What happened?”

“oh it all kicked off. Helicopters, sirens, the works. You didn’t hear any of it from up the hill?” 

“nope, must have slept right through it.”

“you young people, you’ll sleep through anything” Maggie says putting another batch of bread in the oven “well you missed all the fun. They dragged a body out of the sea and-”

“a body?!” You interrupt.

“well according to Carol anyway. She said she heard from Jan that someone had reported a body on the beach. Her grandson works in the police so she finds out things from him. Anyway, the police raced down there straight away but when they got there the army had already arrived and told them to leave. Army outrank the local police apparently.”

“wow” 

“and thats not all. I ran into Nigel this morning in the supermarket. Nigel lives right by the beach and he said he heard a gunshot and a load of shouting last night. He looked out the window and saw a woman lying on the sand bleeding, and people in black uniforms running everywhere. Looked like there were chasing a man. He ran down to see if he could help but by the time he got there the beach was empty. No sign of anyone at all. Strange right?”

“very” you nod, trying to seem more interested “what do you think happened?”

“maybe it was a vampire” a mans voice suddenly speaks and you both turn around to see a tall man with jet black hair stood looking at you through the serving hatch. 

“a vampire? Now theres a suggestion I didn’t expect to hear” Maggie laughs and the stranger laughs back at her, but you get the feeling he wasn’t really joking. 

“What are you cooking back there? Something smells.. exceptionally good” he says, his dark eyes fixed on you.

“All sorts of magic happening in these ovens, but unfortunately we’re not actually open till 8am” Maggie replies in her usual customer service voice and she walks through into the shop. You stay back in the kitchen, mixing the dough for the next batch of bread. 

“oh I’m very sorry, I didn’t know. I’m new around here” you hear the man say, he talks like an old fashioned gentleman.

“no bother, it’s alright. If you want to take a menu and come back in half an hour we’ll be happy to serve you a slice of magic”

“wonderful. I’ll be back then.” You watch as he turns to leave, then stops. “see you later Y/N” he shouts through to you and your eyes go wide as he shuts the door behind him.

“ooh I think someone likes you” Maggie teases and she walks back into the kitchen.

“how did he know my name?” You say, not really asking but more thinking out loud. 

“hmm I don't know. Probably read it off your name tag” she replies casually as she carries on baking. 

You look down at the small name tag you forgot was attached to your apron and let out a small sigh. Of course that makes sense. But you couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling in the pit of your stomach when you thought about the darkness in his eyes. 

— — — — 

The day was dragging. The usual customers came and went, each with their own theories about what had happened the night before. Maggie was happy to listen and share her own views with them but you ended up zoning out every time. Instead you wondered about the stranger from this morning. Who was he? He said he was new here, does that mean he’s staying or just passing through? Either way, something about him made you feel weird and you found yourself watching the door anxiously every time the little bell above it rang. 

You were clearing tables after the lunch rush before you could go on your own lunch break, when the door bell dinged and a woman you didn’t recognise walked in. 

“take a seat, I’ll be with you in a moment” you say politely as you carry a tray of dirty dishes and mugs into the kitchen. You pick up your little note pad and pen ready to go take her order when Maggie stops you. 

“its okay love, I’ll serve her. You have your lunch” she says gesturing to the plate of sandwiches she’s made for you then walking out into the cafe greeting the stranger in her usual loud and bubble manner. 

You smile and take the food out through the back door and take a seat on the grassy bank. The sunshine warms your skin as you tuck in to the delicious sandwiches which Maggie has packed with your favourite filling. Once you’ve finished eating you lie with your back on the grass, watching the seagulls fly high above you and the white clouds moving slowly across the perfect blue sky. 

You lie there daydreaming for a while but when a fly noisily buzzes past your face and makes you jump you sit up, swatting it away with your hand. You check the time on your watch, almost time to get back to work. You take a few deep breathes of the fresh air before standing up and brushing the grass off you. Something catches your attention in the corner of you eye and you turn to look. 

There he is. 

The stranger from this morning stood in the shade, leaning against a tree trunk. A shiver tickles down your spine and he smirks at you as the two of you lock eyes.

“Y/N love, could you come back in now?” Maggie calls, poking her head out the door.

“yes yeah ill be right there” you respond looking at her and she goes back inside. You look back over to the tree but he’s gone. Was he ever really there or is he just on your mind? 

You walk back into the kitchen, deep in thought. 

“are you alright love?” Maggie ask, concerned when she sees the look on your face.

“yeah I’m fine” you snap out of it and smile at her. You spot the unknown lady still sat at the same table she was at before you went on lunch. “she’s still here?”

“she asked if she could use our wifi to do some work on her computer, I said its fine as long as she buys something. Anyway, I’m just nipping out. Will you be okay to run things here for a while?”

“of course, see you in a bit” you smile as she heads out the front door. The lady looks up at you from her laptop and you smile, but she just looks back down and carries on working. 

Ten minutes later the cafe is empty apart from you and the mysterious lady. 

“excuse me, could I get two more coffees please?” She calls to you and you nod. 

“two? Sure yeah, coming up” you reply slightly confused. Two? Maybe someone is coming to join her. 

You make the coffees and carry them over to her, carefully placing them down on the table next to her laptop. 

“Thanks, this one’s yours. Will you sit?” she gestures to the chair opposite her.

“huh? Oh, no thank you. I cant, I’m working right now” 

“theres no one else in here. Just sit for a moment. I have something important to discuss with you” she says friendly enough but with a serious undertone.

“i don't understand-” you start

“Y/N Y/L/N. Born Y/B/D in Y/H/T, but moved here to this village when you were 4 years old and you’ve lived her ever since. Your parents died 5 years ago in a car crash and since then you’ve lived alone in your family home, the lovely little cottage up on that hill.”

“How do you know all of this?”

“Sister Y/N, your great great grandmother, was a nun in Saint Mary’s convent of Budapest in the late 1800’s. In 1897 every nun in that convent was slaughtered. All but three, your great great grandmother was one of them. She fled to England and started a new life. A family.”

“How do you know this?” You repeat, getting frustrated. 

“Because I am a direct descendant of one of the other survivors, Sister Agatha Van Helsing. I’m Dr Zoe Van Helsing”

“What, so, someone broke into a nunnery and killed everyone. But our ancestors got away?” You don't understand why any of this matters.

“not someone, something” she pauses “a vampire”

“a vampire?” You stare at her in disbelief and she nods. She’s not joking, she really believes this. “this is ridiculous, I don't know what game you're playing with me but I want no part of it” you say walking away from her. 

“this is not a game, this is real. Y/N, a vampire killed all those nuns back then, and now he’s back. He’s here, and I think he’s looking for you” 

Her words stop you dead in your tracks. 

“He could have killed her, Y/N, but he didn’t. He made the decision not to kill her and he let her go.” She continues and you turn to face her again. “it’s all here in this journal written by your great great grandmother. I think you should read it”

You slowly walk back over to her and take a seat at her table. She pushes a very old, slightly torn and battered journal across the table to you. You open it up to the bookmarked page and begin reading. 

“1897. 

It all started when the undead man arrived…”

Part Three

Taglist: @a-dorky-book-keeper​ @agent-smulder​

[sleepyboisinc]

soo,,, the secret au huh?

its a band au. its a fucking band au. im posting this super impulsively, and it has no editing i think so if there are any mistakes,,,, fuck it idc

also this ends in a sort of cliffhanger i was gonan write more but i got tired of writing and never got the motivation to again im sorry lul

this au isnt just by me, theres other ppl involved in it too!! mainly bad timezone gang in technohive but others also helped :)

anywaysyysyshdhsh yea read if u want to ig

wilbur soot was discovered by a record label when he was 15 after he wrote the squid song. they didn't care that the lyrics were objectively bad, it was wilbur’s voice that grabbed their attention. they interviewed him and decided that they were gonna give him a chance. wilbur, who had always dreamed of being a singer, jumped at the opportunity. the interview went very well. they even asked him to sing a few songs and he nailed it. however, he wasn’t perfect. he still needed some vocal training. they spent an entire day discussing and signing paperwork. the label ended up arranging for wilbur to attend music classes to enhance his voice and get better at the guitar.

time-skip about 3 years. wilbur is 18 and is phenomenal at singing and the guitar. he starts going to uni and meets his roommate, an american student named technoblade who plays the violin. wilbur and techno quickly become friends, bonding over music and other mutual interests like video games. techno plays mini gigs on the street and at bars close to campus to make some money for himself. particularly at a little bar called “the harpy’s nest”

one day, wilbur gets bored sitting at home alone, so he goes to watch techno’s gig. he arrives halfway through the set and watches for about 5 minutes. after the gig is over, he watches as techno interacts with the bartender, a young man only slightly older looking than the two of them. techno notices wilbur and calls him over, introducing him to the bartender, philza. the two immediately hit it off and by the end of the night, they’ve exchanged numbers and a promise to meet up phil’s next shift.

-

over the next few months, the trio became best friends. wilbur learns that phil plays the drums and has several eps. one ep in particular, “hardcore2” blew up a bit in their general area and phil gained a bit of traction as a musician. the three boys spend most of their time hanging out at wilbur and techno’s dorm, or at phil’s bar. they stay up till ungodly hours playing video games and talking. their other friends dub them the sleepy boys, because of how tired they all are the next day. 

however, as the months fly by, the date wilbur is supposed to finish training and write his first songs draws closer. he worries he’s bitten more than he can chew and he wonders if he’s even ready for fame. a month later he is assigned a manager, pete. pete says that his training contract has expired, meaning that he's ready to start writing his album. wilbur says that he needs to think a bit before he starts. pete was about to tell him he can’t have extra time to think because he signed a contract, but seeing the look of stress on wilbur’s face, he allows him 2 days before he starts. wilbur goes on a walk to think. he curses himself for second-guessing himself now. he realizes he doesn’t wanna do this alone. then he thinks of techno and phil. 

what if they formed a band? that way he wouldn’t have to do this alone. he’s sure that they'd love to make a band together as well. he goes to them and… they agree. he goes to pete and asks him if they can be a three-piece band. pete says he needs to ask his higher-ups first. wilbur doesn’t hear from pete for 4 days and starts to worry. what if they won’t allow it? it wasn't part of the agreement so they have every right to turn him down. at the end of the fourth day, pete calls him and says that the higher-ups have agreed. they had to choose a group name by the end of 2 days. the trio was over the moon.

this was the start of sleepy bois inc.

-

their record label wasn’t massive, so the boys took to playing on the streets and in bars to gain some traction. they slowly started gaining recognition and grew faster when they made a youtube channel. they released several eps and a few albums, and gained a following over the next few years.

their first big break came 3 years after the band was formed. they had a decent following, about 50k subs on youtube and slightly less on other platforms. one day, jschlatt from lunch club, a massive boy band, got their music recommended to him on youtube. he’s intrigued and listened to it, and was surprised at how much he liked it. he liked it so much, that he decided to shout them out on twitter. 

sleepybois inc’s popularity skyrocketed, and the members of both bands grew close. when lunch club announced their next tour, they revealed that sleepybois inc would open for them. the fans freak out, and many iconic moments and inside jokes form from this tour. 

-

tommy innit was 19 years old and was preparing to become a musician. he was almost done with the 4 years of vocal and keyboard training provided by a record label and had to make a decision: be a solo artist, or join a band. if he chose the band, he has another 2 options: be assigned into a band that already exists under this label or make a new one with people that he knows. 

tommy is also a massive fan of lunch club, and sees that jschlatt shouted out a band called sleepybois inc. he likes them a lot and becomes a fan of their stuff too. what tommy didn’t know is that they were at the same label he was training at and were open for a 4th member. 

back on the music, tommy ended up going with band. he debated between making a band or being assigned one. after a while, he ended up going with being assigned. he was nervous about this because he'd have to integrate himself into their dynamic and feared that fans won’t like him, but he figured it’d be easier than making his friends all learn instruments.

being assigned a band is a process, so tommy had a couple of months free. during this time, lunch club was on tour with sleepybois inc and tommy got vip tickets to a show. so he went to the meet and greet and gave his number to sleepybois inc saying ”hmu if u need a keyboardist lul” as a joke (this is a very important detail i will include it f u)

so come around the day of tommy getting assigned. he has to do auditions for the bands that the record label selected for him to join. management has narrowed it down to the youngest 2 bands at their label who are open for a member: one of which is sleepybois inc. 

-

it had been a month since tommy interviewed for sleepybois inc. he did pretty well at it, and had been talking to the boys a lot since then. he still hadn’t had news on whether he joined though. 

it was 3 am. tommy had been working on school work for hours and had only just managed to finish up for the night. he settled into bed and was about to fall asleep when his phone rang. not bothering to look at who was calling, tommy picked it up

“who the fuck is calling me at 3 in the morning i swear to god-” tommy whispered angrily. 

“tommy?” wilbur’s voice rang out “wait shit- this is probably a really bad time im sorry. but we have something important to tell you.”

tommy’s eyes widened. 

“we’ve decided that you can join the band”

-

the band and their label spent a few weeks discussing how they would go about this. they boys decided they would need a name change too, and ended up settling on the name ‘purple pandas’. however, a new member and a name change would practically transform the band completely, so they had to go about announcing this the right way.

they ended up settling on posting a youtube video titled ‘making some changes’. seeing the announcement for this sent fans into a frenzy, frantically tweeting about what it could be. many rumours spread fast and it even got into a few news articles. conspiracies started floating around about what changes could possibly be taking place.

-

i cant write this shit no more bye

[pseud0knots]

Please tell me about shatterstar's Childhood

oh my god anon okay I’m assuming in context of what I’ve recently posted you want like... my version of events rather than what’s canon but just in case I hope you know that there’s basically zero canon material that actually describes his childhood/young adulthood beyond “I was a warrior born” or whatever the fuck. if you want to know about that idk go on the fucken... marvel wiki page or something

also--I hate that I have to put this out here and I doubt anyone would actually do this but just in case--I have spent like 1 million hours thinking about this because I have brain disorders and it is very close to my heart so please do not A) use this in fics, etc without letting me know/getting my permission in advance or B) reblog this post

anyways. this is a can of worms so I’m going to do a cheeky lil

first we have to get something out of the way: I hate the “shatterstar’s his own grandpa” paradox. I am sorry if this angers people but it makes me mad so I ignore it. the reason it bothers me is because it means alison blaire essentially married her grandson, which is A) weird and B) bad from a genetics perspective.

in my version of canon ‘star IS the biological child of longshot and dazzler but longshot wasn’t cloned using ‘star’s DNA because..... oh god... another whole separate post can be made about this but... in my head, on mojoworld the way genetic engineering works is not really the same as it is here. here genetic engineering generally means taking an existing genome and inserting or deleting genes. this is how they make, for example, animals that glow, or confer pesticide resistance to plants.

but on mojoworld I think the way they genetically engineer is more like... the way we mechanically engineer. like the entire organism is built from the ground up. there’s a master genetic blueprint which is essentially the “minimal genome” required for a functioning humanoid. this was created by study of Earth humans by arize and the other genetic engineers. they can then go in and customize by adding elements to the genome that code for the signals/building blocks that control things like height, strength, hair color, eye color, having hollow bones etc. so in my head longshot was sort of... designed with ‘star as the inspiration, but not directly cloned. that wouldn’t even make sense anyways because A) different hair color and B) LONGSHOT HAS 3 FINGERS ON EACH HAND and shatterstar has 4!! thats NOT HOW CLONES WOULD WORK!!!!

(side note, the concept of a minimal functional genome is a real thing in biology! some scientists have taken a bacterium that already has a small genome and reduced it to the minimum size required for viability. here is a wikipedia article on it and here is the original paper (DOI: 10.1126/science.286.5447.2165) which I can explain in more detail because I took a class on synthetic biology which this technically falls under and I had to read this paper very closely).

fuck I’ve written 4 paragraphs and not even talked about his childhood yet. I am so sorry. anyways. so the way I think they raise the gladiators on mojoworld is they create them in batches of 5 to 10 identical copies of a certain “model”, place each copy in a different “class” with a set of 2-3 mentors/teachers, and train them to fight until they are 13 or 14. until this time the only names they have are the names that identify the “model”--like for shatterstar that would be gaveedra-seven where the model identifier is “gaveedra” and he is (in the lore that I have come up with) the 7th of 8 total.

the reason they create multiples and put them in different classes is each mentor is going to have a slightly different style of teaching which is going to work better for some and worse for others, so it allows them to have more mass production while increasing the chances of creating a truly great champion. it’s classic nature versus nurture--the genetic engineers create your nature, but you don’t end up exactly the same as others of your model. maybe you get an edge, maybe you don’t.

another thing that happens is different mentors believe in different ways of raising the kids in their care. shatterstar specifically was raised in a class where there was absolutely zero emotional development at all and no attachments allowed beyond fighting alliances. that’s not the case in all classes, and it also had the effect of making him somewhat of an outsider even within the other gladiators as he got older.

at 13 or 14--and yes I realize this is very fucked up but dude its fucking mojoworld idk what you expected--they start participating in fights. the first ones aren’t to the death and they’re as teams and they’re not usually televised they’re more like high school sports games that are attended by scouts (here, they’re “sponsors”--I think that’s a canonical term but I honestly can’t remember) and if you get sponsored you leave your class and join a new “team” that’s really just a bunch of people who all have the same sponsorship. this is where things can get interesting because they’ve all been raised with slightly different fighting styles but more importantly, slightly different degrees of Personhood.

also at this point I should mention that by this time, there are usually only 2, maybe 3 of each model left. either they died or were recognized as not having talent so they were sent to eventually fulfill other roles in the network. in ‘star’s case there was just him and gaveedra-five. once you get to the stage where you’re sponsored and you’re actually fighting to the death one of the first people you’ll fight is any remaining members of your model group.

by the time you’re the only one left of your group, you’re also eligible to earn a stage name. this usually happens if you have a particularly epic fight with a lot of viewers, you win and the commentators will typically say something like “Let’s give this crowd a real name to cheer!” and they’ll have a few candidate names and they’ll kind of just pick one. AUGH I actually have this scene written out in story form but its too long so I think I’ll save it.... :) 

after you get a name you also get a cool outfit and usually some kind of mark or tattoo that serves as a brand. this brings me to another important point--shatterstar inherited the X-gene from alison and therefore he IS a mutant. his mutation is the swords vibration thing and the glowing eye. the star mark is a tattoo and teleportation is benjamin russell’s mutation (how he fits into all this is... for another post). basically after he got his name the costuming department guys were like “hey your eye glows, you look like the Legendary Warrior of Old, Longshot, we’re gonna pattern your look after him” so they gave him the star tattoo and the outfit that’s literally inverse colors of longshot’s.

also this brings me to another aside: you’re probably wondering “if he’s the biological kid of longshot and alison how are there 8 gaveedras?” when the genetic engineers got a hold on him as a baby they were like Sick! free baby! free genetic material! thats our job done for us! so they cloned him (in the traditional sense) and made 7 copies. this was also to kind of conceal his identity as technically being from outside mojoworld, which would make him stick out and thus be a target. they DID edit out the x-gene in the other gaveedra models though. this wasn’t a problem for ‘star because his mutation didn’t manifest until he was already sponsored.

I think that’s .... pretty much it for macroscopic lore on what it was like to be a kid gladiator on mojoworld. now let me give you some Tidbits of his life specifically:

like I said he was raised in a particularly cold and ruthless class. the mentors that raised him are like well-known by everyone to produce some of the best warriors but also there’s discourse on mojoworld because some people say perfectly emotionless killing machines aren’t as fun to watch. when he was sponsored there were 4-5 others in the same sponsorship and they were like Theres Something Wrong With You LOL

they speak earth languages on mojoworld because they’re imitating the broadcasts they (the spineless ones) used to hear from earth. however, most of the lower-class as well as almost all arena fighters and other television personalities speak cadre or other languages which are native to the planet. the stage names are all vaguely in english, but the gladiators don’t really understand them at first.

shatterstar got his name before he got the glowing eye, and when he learned what stars are, and saw his eye as a little star, he was like wow :) this is Me :) which is why that name is so important to him. it’s also one of the first things that wholly belonged to him.

(you can’t see stars on mojoworld because of light pollution and also because it’s a pocket dimension and there just aren’t that many stars to see)

I hate to bring up the s**ley miniseries but I do think it would be interesting to have him have a sort of ... mentor/first friend, similar to the concept of gringrave but they were NOT in a relationship. it was more like... another kid who was a year or so older than him got a soft spot for him and helped him not be so clueless. she didn’t make as much progress as xforce did, obviously. but they were.... something like friends.

unfortunately she was used by spiral to get shatterstar to murder the first rebel guy who tried to get him out of there. then she got switched sponsors (this can happen) and he had to kill her, and he was like well I will simply never develop any kind of attachment to anyone ever again.

he almost didn’t make it out of the first training session with his sponsorship group (this is semi-canon--there’s a reference when he’s teaching terry to swordfight to almost not surviving the first time he was in a gladiator class or whatever it was).

the closest he ever came to losing was the day he got the name. that’s why the crowds loved it so much.

the double-bladed sword was a gimmick weapon but when he got his mutation they realized it works way better if there’s resonance between two parallel blades so they redesigned it as an actual weapon.

(forgot this but I feel like I should include it) at 17 he escaped the arenas and joined the cadre alliance. two years later he came to earth and joined xforce.

I think that’s going to have to be it for now because it’s literally almost midnight and I have work tomorrow and I did NOT intend to stay up this late but I did. thank you for this opportunity anon :) feel free to ask me any other questions and also I realize a lot of this probably makes no fucking sense and that’s because I am not a writer or anything I’m just a biochemist with brain problems that cause me to obsess over stupid shit

[vanityloves]

anyways im gonna listen to/read the fuckin...rise of the ogre shit bc ive been putting it off 🪓🥴 im gonna put stuff under the cut bc im gonna be TALKING n dont wanna make a new post everytime

piss

ok he performed for 2 pounds 50. which is basically $3 today i- well it was absolutely a power play on his father behalf that also had the promise of money so.

also lol he said Rejection fueled my ambitions which, yknow,, i already knew but it still hurts and i will continue to talk ab it xoxo

AH HELP. "...if ebay had been invented at the time he would've sold me online there and then,"

"man hands on misery to man, yknow"

THEN PROCEEDS TO CONNECT IT TO MUSIC/HIS CAREER. this man said :) the one thing i truly have a passion for. the one thing i fucking like.

oh yeah. bullied by students AND teachers.

oh god hes 42ish during this interview? ok.

the fuckin school bully saying he wouldve acted differently if he knew what hed become

getting called "faceache", then proceeds to call 2d that. jfc he really does just repeat what everyone says. really "treating others how i was treated/how they treat me"

maybe thats why? hes kinder to fans? bc :] you support me and like me so, ok ill return that energy

MURDOC GETTING HIS ASS BEAT N PARADING HOME LIKE WELL I WON BC 'I PISSED YOU OFF' SJDJD

a real rowdy boy. absolute nasty boy. fraud and arson... shooting ppls windows with his air pistols

black sabbath being a huge inspiration? fucking absolutely.

became a satanist n shit at age 16? "it fitted me like a glove" "heavy metal and devil worshipping became my favorite past times" ajsj funny that ppl in trying times often seek religion or following of some sort

heavy metal being his favorite, n loving the clash, while hannibals was more punk based

hannibal breaking murdocs nose for the 2nd and 3rd time for playing his music on hannibals turntable

he doesnt sound that bitter? ab hannibal? he doesnt sound incredibly fond but he talks ab how he got him into a lot of music. so, i imagine they we're a bit closer than i thought?

international baccalaureate in antisocial? anthropology?

MURDOC IS ACTUALLY SMART HE WAS JUST. NOT INTERESTED IN THE SUBJECTS? I GUESS? (also,,, he literally Built cyborg noodle and i think he had a PhD too lol. but its always nice to hear hes actually...yknow, interested or good at other things)

alright but murdoc having a fascination w/ other cultures - or at least some interests, that lead him to actually study the damn subject and "pass with flying colors"

'fuck college though. im gonna be a rockstar'

he sold his soul at 18ish? whenever the fuck he got kicked out but college was mentioned so my brain goes to 18ish idk

he lived with his father still and paid rent via low paying jobs one including 'part time dressing as santa'

help he was ab to take a Personal Job for quick cash and uhh well, "still made me call him sir though" he really said 20 dollars is 20 dollars, huh "that story was totally true"

alright, 1997,,,

2d stuff

loves zombie stuff? thats really cute, and is freaked out by the way they move. god he rambles

both he and murdoc are horses in the chinese zodiac

[[jfc ok if the official shit compares them a lot i understand why ppl ship them but Dont. its a narrative foil and that doesnt always mean Romance jfc.]]

SUMTHINK.

truly... a lil stinker. super cute bouncing baby and a "bit thick" which is stull so endearing to me. hes just a happy man!

excitable 10 year old and would dance around his room

jfc the fact he has normal/caring parents. i kinda forget how opposite hes supposed to be from murdoc but i think thats another thing jsjsysg (murdoc said why isnt my tragic story making me famous why does he get to be the Star. no wonder he acts like a loon)

i still dont get how gettin bonked by a tree branch made him go bald and also turn his hair blue

big tiddy nurse mommy,,,

went to the same school as The Cure and got decent grades despite hittin the noggin quite hard. WANTED TO BE A STORM CHASER... OMG??

oh thats really cute, hed bond with his dad by building keyboards toegther 🥺💕

messed around with paints and graffiti? artistic king

MURDOC AGAIN: QHDJ 'VILLANOUS' GANG HELP

oh yeah d day...new instruments, new band, new singer - and 'had to be the best or no dice' and absolutely CONFIDENT that his songs were bangers ajsjd

but on that same note, had absolute faith (or desperate) in 2d which i love

ransacked the fucking music shop jdjdj and 2d said he was Just Standing There behind the counter the whole shift hdhdh

"thats when your eye came out, yeah" "yeah!-" HELP WHY DOES HE SOUND SO HAPPY AB IT ?? yes he said ut hurt but he sounds...ok

jfc murdoc ragdolling this poor mf around. dunking him and slapping him around. actually? so incredibly terrible and abusive and i hate him for that 🔫 im sorry 2d stans. we dont condone that behavior here ong.

how and why the FUCK did 2d's parents allow that fucker near their child after that i??? help. wtf. his moms a nurse why didnt she just have murdoc sit in plain view of other people. god damn.

2d flying out the window n hitting the curb "whoops"

"just two black holes...[ah] it looked great...a blue hair, blacked eyed GOD- the girls would go wild-" "pretty boy looks" ???? HELP. HE DOESNT GO LIGHT ON THE COMPLIMENTS, HUH

RUSS TIME

oh yeah, he straight up kiddnapped this man help. idk how he managed that, russ is a Big Man??

AND MURDOCS MUSIC WAS SO FUCKING SEXY GOOD that russel said hm alright ill stay, :] out ifbhis owm free will im screaming.

"oh this is one of them febreeze commercials" "uh . yeah sure. *murdoc turning on his Sick Tunes*" but that either means? it was just his guitar playing the convinced russ? unless he and 2d recorded sumn?

"2d was the looks, murdoc the brains, then russel truly was the heart"

'while 2d and murdoc liked music, this man was a MUSICIAN' god fucking bless this book holy shit ny man russ getting some respect. he said back hurts from carrying this band.

murdoc basically heard this guy had big trauma that gave him So Many Skills n said "thats what i want" ok idk thats actually really? inch rest ting to me. seems that murdocs fine handing out compliments but i guess that where his charisma really helps out yeah?

"he was going to be in my band whether he liked it or not" ...murdoc-

HELP. 2D IS LIKE BRO GO ON IM LISTENING 🥺 despite hearing the story 50-60 times and murdoc said fuck off you lil shit.

ok irrelevant but i love his voice! its super comforting n nice to listen to 🥺

HELP MURDOCS SO BITTER. "NOTHING THAT HAPPENS TO US IS NORMAL" WELL YEAH. THIS IS TRAUMA CENTRAL.

idk how/why he sucked up all his friends souls though ... how are they all possessing the same person. they said "its my turn on The Russ"

DELL IS HIS ACTUAL, LITERAL SOULMATE...KING...😭

went to a private school,,, and was already possessed? and the thing where he gets bigger and smaller is a reoccurring thing?

was in a coma for 4 years?

hiphop machine...time and history...the ultimate set i guess.

his knowledge was infinite and hes a "Renaissance man" hes so fucking smart our king. jack of all trades but a master of drums. he said i know im good and what of it

PAULA.

HELP. HE RMBRS THE STALL: CUBICAL NUMBER 3 🥴 IF I DO RECALL 🤤

yes russel our king. fuck up his nose 5 more times. probably stunted his growth too. he shrunk after russ gave him a wallop im sure

why dies paula sound like tracer overwatch

also only dated 2d for 2 months before joining the band?

HELP SHE REALLY WAS THE FIRST MURDOC FUCKER: "but when i saw murdoc with his thick greasy hair, green teeth and yellow skin i thought 'oh this is the ine for me!'" "OH HES SUCH A DANDY-" HELP ME IM HQJDHD

sick in the head...like i want to hurt people help girl. shes fucking Crazy. but she rly said damn i didnt hear back from him again 😭 and my purse is gone JSHHD

MURDOC: SHE WAS DEPRESSINGLY UGLY *still fucked her*

NOODLE TIME

"small japanese person!"

2d: we werent gorillaz until noodle arrived!

im dying the reason he chose gorillaz. 'swinging through the jungle baring my ass'

noodle really said "im just happy to be here" and she balanced everyone out 😭 "she gave off pure love and the fact that she could laugh at murdoc REALLY helped too" RUSS... IS BABY

JFC MURDOCS SO FUCKING CONFIDENT IN THIS BAND IM LIVING FOR THAT. HE SAID YOU WANT US SO BAD IT MAKES YOU LOOK STUPID. THE CHARISMA

2d rambling ab some girl he met and "ssSs" "whats the s stand for hawhaw" "i dont know!".

THE RECORD LABEL GUY.

one song is all it took i ❤ good for them

just murdoc talking ab the party that they threw for thier deal and saying "you dont know how much of a dick i felt like [when carrying one of those huge checks]" like oh thats whatll make you a dick? alright.

A FOOD FIGHT THAT WENT SO HARD THAT IT KNOCKED 2DS TONSILS OUT? WHAT THE FUCK

ahshdj damon and murdoc not getting along bc of Rival Band One Uppery + damon calling murdocs cuban heels crap since ge wore steel ones with gold spurs.

MURDOC FEELIN EMBARRASSED BC HES 'QUITE PROUD OF HIS SHOES'

but the band and damon getting over music and their ambitions and became a "paternal figure"

HELP MURDOC SAID AWIOGA @ RACHEL WHICH MADE HER THROW HER DRINK IN HIS FACE AND SPLIT FROM 2D. kinda sad actually, she said i still like 2d but murdoc kinda ruined it by trying to get it in with me, it put a strain in our relationship :/ oh god murdocs That Dude

nov 31 1998: started recording :]

40 tracks that got cut down to 15 holy shit

KONG STUDIOS 🤲

hooking up cameras in every room ejdjsu

webby artist of the year in 2006? holy shit

noodle learning ab kong studios omfg

JFC. YES I KNEW KONG WAS BUILT ON/IN A CEMETERY BUT I DIDNT KNOW PPL FOR THE FUCKING PLAGUE WHERE THROWN THERE HDJD

built in 1739?

the ghost of the first owners ghost still roams around in the kitchen in the early hours and moans 'aaa glass of water'

theres some rotting bullshit near the studios and in the summer its fucking TERRIBLE

the former owners were a biker gang, and they all died in a fire

murdoc said this place has bad vibes. i want it.

grim weather

the building feels impossible to escape from huHgg

[patchdotexe]

explorers of arvus: heading back / 3.11.21

zoom and enhonse

LAST TIME ON ARVUS taure passed out and we are now down a healer! also we met a disciple of halvkar, and surprisingly did not murder her. this is fine. we have instantly gotten distracted by our various carts. cats. our various cats

DID ANY OF US CATCH TAURE, SHE FELL OVER sieron tried to catch her and smacked charlie+thorne in the face (he rolled a nat1, f) BUT the catboy is to the rescue bc silje is the designated Not Incompetent of the group today

CONSULT THE CHILD hewwo yrel yrel: her mind is being consumed by the serpent of nightmares. :D charlie: HELLO?????//

so, dendar(?) the night serpent is imprisoned beneath arvus! she was formed from the nightmares of the first sentient being, and sometimes she eats people's nightmares. if she's exceptionally hungry, she'll force nightmares onto people for her to feed off their fear. yrel thinks taure will Probably wake up. there's a thing on arvus mentioned by the locals called a "sleeping sickness" where people will fall asleep for a few days, sometimes longer, but will wake up. its magical in cause, the people afflicted by it have horrific nightmares, and its just kinda. a thing. wowza

(i have gone back to spelling yrel's name as yrel bc i think it looks nice)

OH HEY SOMEONE POSTED A THEORY ON ONE OF MY STICKMOLUS ANIMATIONS man i should get back to stickmolus sometime. once dsmp releases its awful grip on me.

i keep getting distracted by seeing myself in the camera preview. i have a tooth gap! what the fuck its cute?? K I KNOW WE'RE SUPER BLURRY IN FRONT RN BUT PLEASE HELP ME STAY FOCUSED I SWEAR -leo

we're gonna build a sled! to put taure on. thorne: i have a good strength score. ....i say, out loud charlie: i am four feet tall. [cue argument between thorne & sieron about them both being horcs but sieron has a +0 bc strength is his dump stat] OH, OKAY, THORNE ROLLED A NAT20 TO CARRY TAURE. NICE

[discussion about what to tell everyone at camp vengenace] thorne: the last thing we need to do is a witch hunt charlie: --and we already hunted the witch! the witch has been hunted.

time to discuss strategy! we need to figure out how to head back to camp vengeance, eg if we want to follow the path we already took or if we wanna do some trailblazing. looks like we're gonna try and take the most direct path! which means we'll prolly risk tangoing with some undead but im willing to risk it TINY HUT STAIRCASE sorry i just remember it now and then

nyx: [meowing at his cats] thorne: uh... why is silje meowing? jorb: silje's food bowl is empty jorb: you look at silje's food bowl and there's a divot in the middle and the food is all on the sides emotionally, we must bully the catboy silje saw something interesting and started meowing

thorne: ill take first watch silje: ill also take first watch. charlie: [quietly] gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyy (but, like, extended for 15 seconds)

silje: [takes watch] [rolls a nat1 and gets distracted by looking at his crush]

THORNE HAS LOCATED A DOG the dog does not give a shit about the tiny hut. THE DOG HAS PEED ON THE TINY HUT goodbye dog

EVERYONE IS ROLLING AT LEAST 1 NAT1 thorne: wow! that sure is a dog. thorne has drawn the worst possible dog. thorne has erased the worst possible dog. we dont speak of the worst possible dog its the dog version of honse. DONSE

sieron is now on watch! MAN we are havin trouble rolling today. at least kali's here to make sure sieron doesnt stare at a rock for 50000 years sieron sees a mouse! bottom text

charlie is now on watch! kali is havin a big ol thonk. nothing meaningful has come of this

i am perceiving some deer. sieron is not perceiving some deer. silje is perceiving some deer, but better the deer are fucked up and undead! silje has gone from "we should hunt these deer for food" to "we should hunt these deer for sport"

charlie: i do not feel like being jumped by five thousand skeletons

charlie takes first watch with sieron! WHY ARE OUR ROLLS SO TERRIBLE taure is super cursed right now. that's not very pog charlie: this place sucks. thorne: to be fair, we havent-- charlie: YOU'RE ASLEEP, SHUT UP

oh hey coolname galvanic finally partied. nice.

thorne is at watch! solar: hey, is leomund's tiny hut an orb? there's a critter digging around! AH, THE CRITTER IS UNDEAD. this could be a problem

solar: hey michael, how much does the horrific sin against god dog i drew look like this creature michael: [dice roll noises] about 50%.

michael: if anyone likes, they can make a nature check-- solar: ME MEMEMEMEME ME ME ME

its a bulette! aka a land shark. problem: they are not normally undead. this one is undead.

jorb: imagine if you could tame one of those and use it as a mount. leo: IT WOULD JUST DIG UNDERGROUND AND LEAVE YOU THERE

we are just calling it a weird dog

we're going to mail a letter to the heart of arvus. HEY, CHECK OUT THIS WEIRD DOG,

JORB FOUND ART OF A BABY BULETTE. WEIRD PUPPY!

solar: hey guys, check out this sick art of a bulette i found

silje kept a lookout for the weird dog but its just fucked off. goodbye, weird dog give it up for day 3!

man there's been like, three incinerations today in blaseball. what's up with that. I SWEAR IM MOSTLY PAYING ATTENTION its just been an eventful day in blaseball. also im wearing my garages bomber rn. jaylen is home wooOOOO the wind smells stinky. this is fine.

we're actively avoiding whatever combat michael keeps nudging at us bc we're carrying around an unconscious person and i SWEAR hes gonna throw something directly at us once he's done with our shenanigans

UHH MICHAEL ASKING FOR PASSIVE PERCEPTION LOL

huh. this place used to be inhabited? we're in the woods rn but there's some like, stone ruins? like, VERY ruins. like, not really any structures standing, but enough evidence to show there Were things. WE FOUND A STATUE charlie: i want to smash my face against the lore.

used to be a circle of standing stones, but most of em fell over or got overgrown. inside of the circle has been cleared, although v roughly-- ground's torn up statue is of fjolnir! warrior holding up a spear and shield. AH, THERE ARE CORPSES, a human got REAL fucked up here. one of the corpses is straight up impaled on fjolnir's spear. n ... not pog.

i am trying so, so hard to pay attention. but i also kinda wanna take a nap.

charlie: [stares at statue] [rolls a 4] i wonder if he had a dick.

okay so something rolled in, tore up the overgrowth inside the circle, and murdered a couple dudes. and was also super tall and human-adjacent. hrm.

oh my god why are we rolling so shit today. time to stealth away and hope we dont get casually dismembered

k: jorb's hair is so long... leo: K, PLEASE,

time for a break! i am very tired but im gonan see if i can push through a little further. nyx is petting his cat why do orangatangs look like that

first watch is thorne and sieron! have they even, like, talked thorne unhabby ): thorne's worried we were tresspassing when checking out the statue, meanwhile im thinking about that one time when sieron got bit by a groundhog

(oh my god this is from late 2018)

leomund's tiny hut, aka the anti-sea bear circle we are getting SO much mileage out of the tiny hut. SILJE HUMS A SONG WITH KALI cute........... FINALLY I HAVE ROLLED ABOVE A 14 wait no i rolled a 16 twice. anyway we are not dead

nearly at camp vengenace! boy howdy i hope camp vengeance didnt get burned down. AH FUCK TAURE IS UNCONSCIOUS SO WE CANT CAST FOR DETECT POISON kaepora nearly made us all shit ourselves but its okay he just saw some bison and thought it was cool Michael Is Consulting Several Tables

WHY DOES JORB'S CAMERA ZOOM LIKE THAT why am i hungry. i have so many questions

HEY, TALL GUY [smacks sieron]

camp vengeance looks better! like, nobody's Obviously Sick anymore, the medical tents arent overfilled, we did it! we saved the dayyyyyy time to report to ryder! taure's getting dropped off at the medical tent

man remember when charlie didnt wear pants

oh man, with taure unconscious charlie is now taking point with social interaction. wild. jk im making jorb do it bc im tired HAHA NAT 20 PERSUASION BC OF ME HELPIN SIERON man ryder is such a cock. he was totally ready to keep throwing troops at heaven's brazier to die until we managed to persuade him out of it. jorb: did we tell ryder about the vision? michael: you kinda just took a look at him and went STINKY BOY!

okay yeah anything that dies on arvus will just pop back up as undead. man, arvus sucks.

ryder: alright, dismissed. charlie: seeya, soldier boy! :D hahahahaha im gonna eat his knees.

SILJE NEEDS ENRICHMENT IN HIS ENCLOSURE

charlie: ive decided he sucks. silje: we've already arrived to that, you're late!

LMAO WE WALKED IN ON INGRID AND HER CRUSH they fuckin. nice. you go, you funky lesbian

jorb: we've got the tiny hut, we could go anywhere leo: we could go to SPACE! nyx: we could not go to space. leo: WITH A TINY HUT STAIRCASE, WE CAN,

we are 320 miles away from the spaceship that exists on arvus. nice.

michael: justin sees you-- roll a strength saving throw. leo: i cant wait to die! [rolls a 3] I AM CRUSHED BY MY DOG michael: he rolled a nat20.

BOSS ENCOUNTER: CHARLIE'S DOG (the small circle next to him is one of the medical tents.)

THORNE IS PACT OF THE GUN solar: PARRY THIS, YOU FUCKING CASUAL

sieron, to ingrid: seems like youve been doing well charlie: i punch sieron. sieron: sieron: the camp, of course.

man we have no idea if the heart of arvus is actually related to the prophecy or not. theres a Lot of stuff lining up, but not enough, and its hard to say how much of it couldve been literal?

solar & michael: [discussing exposition] me: [cracking up bc penn sent me a funny dsmp joke]

prophecies are weird.

charlie is just s she is just sitting here SILJE PLAYED CARDS REALLY GOOD AT ME nyx rolled a nat20 and took all my money

oh cool we can talk to yrel telepathically! time to hoist yrel. THIS IS SO SCUFFED thorne mentioned yrel and now we're trying to explain to ingrid that we have a magic talking snake charlie: I WANT TO GO HOME. thorne: we cant go, we have a GOD-KING to kill! "i think theyre insane, theyre talking to a snake" "ingrid, druids exist" "oh. im gonna go back to getting railed by my 7 foot tall girlfriend"

[mousehole5000]

the rest... of... book 4..... through chapter 225

i sad.

“He was lying to himself and lying to others! All nothing but deceit! No matter what, it was impossible to pretend nothing had ever happened, and it was impossible to return to before!!!” - i know :(

“Before Feng Xin went, he was afraid. Now that Feng Xin had gone, he wasn’t scared any longer. But, even though he wasn’t afraid anymore, he was in deeper agony.” - ah yes. being afraid of your friends leaving so you do things to drive them away so you can have something to point to and say that you were the one who made the choice and you dont have to fear it anymore. except that has never once worked out ever and turns out losing people just means you lost them and it still hurts. not that i would know or anything.....

“He saw upon the table there were a few plates of horrid-looking dishes that were now cold. They were what he made the queen take away without eating a single bite the night before. Now, he pulled them over absent-mindedly, and ate everything, not daring to leave behind a single leaf, afraid to miss a single grain of rice. After he ate he started puking.” - this broke me and the bad cooking isnt funny anymore :(

all this happens after they have money again. no further commentary on this chapter

i know for a lot of book 3 i just wanted hua cheng to go away but now i would give anything for wuming to come and interrupt these interactions with white no-face

“Lang Ying, a brute commoner, led an army and destroyed Xianle. With the aura of the king enveloping his body, ordinary evil wouldn’t be able to come close to his person. However, at this moment, what Xie Lian brought with him were millions of souls of those who died on the battlefield!” - interesting to think about this story from lang ying’s point of view. the bit about his wife and child... oh my god... the things we carry with us...

“Will it really be alright to leave him like this? How about, I give him a cup of water?” - cup of water motif is back... ouch

“One person. Just one. Really. Just one person was enough!” - for like 20 minutes after reading this i really was just sitting here thinking about every time a stranger did me a small a kindness and the times i did the same it just made me cry harder i love people and they really can be awful and choose to be cold and cruel but it means that when they choose to be kind..... it doesnt negate the cruelty but its still indescribable.. and being able to see that and remember that even after all the pain..... 

ugh still just thinking about the times ive gone through something that changed me and having the cold numb fear that i would never be the same as i was before that i would lose some precious part of me forever and wondering if this would be the thing that finally did it... i dont know if ive ever actually experienced a piece of media that really make me think about that tbh

“Stop thinking so highly of yourself! I don’t need you to teach me anything, I can learn on my own. If you represent heaven’s will, then something like heaven’s will should be destroyed!” - why is defying the heavens so sexy.... keep it up (edit after white no-face identity reveal: HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!)

the fact that xie lian went through what he did and got nothing out of it and in fact lost everything he had left due to the trauma,,,,, but just one person is enough for him to willingly offer to do it again, even if all he could save is one person,,,,,, crying again.... and who it is who takes it all on instead... ok...

“After all, everyone knew that Mu Qing ascended because he cleaned up all the remaining stubborn resentful spirits in the old capital of Xianle, so to understand it as “generous and kind” wasn’t unreasonable. In any case, everyone in the old capital of Xianle were all very grateful for him.” - its not unreasonable at all!!! this boy picks cherries for his mom and the neighborhood kids leave him alone

“Shaking his head, Xie Lian contemplated, then he ladled two large bowls of rice, one offered inside the Temple of Ju Yang, the other inside the Temple of Xuan Zhen. Finally, feeling that everything served its purpose, he clapped his hands close, completely satisfied.” - please i just want them to be friends again

ruoye........ xie lian bidding farewell to the tiny red flower.... ok i feel a totally normal amount about all these things

book 5 time!!!

xie lian king of taking a third option.. no one dies in the kiln at all we’re just leaving bitch

“Xie Lian didn’t know why he had to use his hands to cup Hua Cheng’s cheeks, but he did so subconsciously, probably so he could comfort him, but also because Xie Lian was afraid Hua Cheng’s face would be frostbitten by the snowstorm.” - gay people.....

“This giant stone divine statue must’ve been sculpted when Hua Cheng was trapped inside the Kiln, when he was severely beaten down and in intense suffering.” - ohhhh my god. okay. okay. look. i get it....

“The divine statue obeyed his command and took off with a gigantic, wide step, going along with the rolling current of snow. One slide was several miles, and the snow waves it created crashed around its body. Because both its arms were open, even though it was a body of a million tons, it still maintained good balance.” - HELL YEAH!! HELL YEAH LETS FUCKING GO LETS GOOOOO

the statue that requires transfers of spiritual energy... statue of make you kiss me i see how it is.....

“Hearing this, Hua Cheng raised his brows, his expression seeming to say, please have them beat each other to death, that’d be great.” - when you dont like your SO’s friends and they dont like you

“With a sharp sword in hand, Xie Lian was like a tiger with wings added, his might increasing exponentially, and he struck out!” - YES!!! GET EM!!!!

“No one could blame him for not knowing what was going on. Perhaps, he was confused the entire way: Why was he beaten? Why was he buried inside a wall? Why was he turned into a daruma doll? And why did he have to turn into a sword, too? There was not a single point where he’d figured out what was happening.” its okay qyz its okay i know honey me too

HELLO?? SQX IS BACK???? omg what a development omg omg okay okay interesting... okay so shi wudu would have rather died than lose everything but shi qingxuan is still trucking

“Hua Cheng responded lazily, “Oh? So you mean to say, beggars can’t save the world? Is it because they don’t have the ability to, or because they’re not worthy?” - KING okay i know this is a motivational tactic but also... who was it who took on all the souls for the human face disease and did in fact save the world back then hmmm?

absolutely enthralled by the fact that in chapter 207 we find out that the guoshi is in fact just. still here. and the name of the chapter is "Seeking Affection; Ghost King Fakes Displeasure” which i mean that happens too but fjasdlkfajsld

bruh okay. okay. okay. everything is happening okay. okay. chaos in the heavens okay. ling wen is still invited to kiss me on the mouth tho idc

“Indeed Yin Yu didn’t have enough confidence, and said weakly, “Chengzhu has shown me grace, he saved me…” “I know,” Jun Wu said. “He even helped you pacify and send off the resentful spirit of Jian Yu, who died during banishment, am I right?” - awww im glad they resolved that bit that whole situation was awful also give me the forbidden hua cheng ghost king lore...

“Yin Yu finally couldn’t take it anymore. He clenched his fists tight, his knuckles cracking, and he whipped around. “I DO RESENT HIM! I DO HATE HIM!!! BUT, SO WHAT??” - yin yu kiss me on the mouth right now

“Xie Lian hugged him. “It’s alright, it’s alright. These are all small matters, really. Your Highness Yin Yu, just live in this world for another few hundred years and you’ll know that none of that really matters. Either driven to madness or really wishing someone would die, whichever. Who in the world has never had such thoughts? I’ve even thought of massacring all in the world who had wronged me, it’s true, and no lie, I’d almost done it. But look at me, haven’t I shamelessly lived until now? You haven’t actually done anything in the end, and that’s the most important thing.” - he’s right im crying again

“But…in the end, I…still think…it’s so unfair,” Yin Yu sobbed. “If I was already destined to be no one remarkable, then at the very least, I…wanted to be a kind and perfect person. But…I couldn’t even do that. It’s really…so unfair. And truth to be told, even in this moment, just thinking that I’m dying for Yizhen, this little dummy, I still can’t get over it. I can’t even let go and die with a heart with no resentment and no regrets, what is that.” - YIN YU YOU CANT DIE NOOOOOOO youre the only man in this whole book i would kiss why does this always happen im actually really sad ;_;

“If the Rain Master was killed directly, and a better heavenly official couldn’t be found to replace her, the people put food above all else; if agriculture isn’t running smoothly, the world will be thrown into chaos. You don’t let people eat, people won’t give you a job. Besides being displeased with the Rain Master, the people of the world might also begin to be dissatisfied with the great god above Rain Master’s head. Which means, if he isn’t careful, the fire can burn all the way onto him. If things aren’t controlled adequately, it might incur riots to topple gods.” - rain master my friend rain master... also yes!!!!! food production!!!! critical!!!!!!! theres a lot you can get by without but food is not one of them!!!!!

“Feng Xin was Xie Lian’s servant, his good friend, but not his slave. He could’ve built his own home, had his own family. And he had actually already met those people, but the encounter just had to be during Xie Lian’s first banishment, the toughest days they suffered back then.” i am very sad about all of this

hua cheng in the palace of ling wen looking for the brocade immortal while the heavens are in complete chaos as the world turns on its head and STILL taking the time to beg for kisses is making me lose it fjalkdfjlsd

oh my god the guoshi and the cards thing..... hmmmm

delighted that mount tong’lu has such great significance beyond just being the kiln or whatever

hmmm crown prince of wuyong... its truly sad... but dude.....

the way that the heavenly capital is literally built out of previous gods... wow

the outright attempt to continue to cycle of trauma that failed simply bc 1. xie lian is his own person and 2. xie lian recieved kindness and gave it back to the world even to the people who refused to help him im ;_;

the absolute mess of xuan ji/rong guang/pei su/banyue/ke mo going down in the palace of ming guang... entertainment

okay i think im to a point where i dont have any possible spoiler knowledge in my brain about what happens next (only thing i have is theres a joke about he xuan eating that i dont understand yet and i think we might get like an emily corpse bride moment but if we do i dont know why) but oh my god things have escalated

[sprnklersplashes]

heart of stone (4/?)

AO3

Cady taps her spoon against the edge of her bowl, her feet just about touching the kitchen floor. This is the day she had been waiting impatiently for for weeks now, secretly wishing summer would pass faster so that school could start up again. She’s fully aware that she’s a minority, but she actually likes school. Maybe it’s because of her more-isolated home schooled life back in Africa, but it’s fun. Classes are far more interesting than what her parents could give her, despite their best efforts, and now that she’s mastered the skills (and learned a few lessons), socialising can be great. After a rocky ride last year, where people regarded her with confusion, then awe, and then disgust, being treated like an actual human being in the last fewweeks was kind of refreshing. It’s far from ideal, there are still far too many people who cast her dirty looks when they think she’s not looking and who believe she did things she didn’t do, but those looks were getting fewer and fewer as the days went on. She had started getting a few friendly smiles as she walked down the hall or through the cafeteria and even a few “hey theres”s from people who aren’t in her inner circle.

So all in all, she was excited to go back.

But now the day has come and the last place she wants to see is North Shore.

She swirls her cereal around in her bowl, her appetite gone despite her mother’s insistence that she eat. She hasn’t told her parents about Janis yet. How can she when she’s still trying to deal with it herself? One of her favourite things is logic, that’s why she likes maths so much, there’s always a logical answer, you just have to work out the equation to get it. But she can’t work out any equation for this.

“Cady honey, you better hurry up! You don’t want to be late for your first day, do you?” Her mom’s voice is the exact opposite of how Cady feels; bright and awake and rearing to go whereas all Cady wants is her bed and a Taylor Swift album. The sad one, obviously.

She checks herself in the hallway mirror, glad to see she at least looks normal. Her white shirt is tucked into her jeans, her sandals replaced with sneakers. She had spent a little bit of time debating last night and this morning before just tying her hair back in a messy braid. When she smiles, the girl in the mirror smiles back at her and it looks real; normal happy Cady on the way to school. Her eyes don’t betray the fact that she had sobbed into her pillow for thirty minutes last night. According to her face, all is right with the world. She looks like she still has a girlfriend and like she hasn’t spent every waking moment since last night trying to make sense of what’s happened.

“See you later, Mom!” she calls over her shoulder, lifting her jacket and backpack. If she’s quick, she can get out before-

“Oh wait!”

Nope.

“Cady!” her mom hurries down the hall, her mass of curls flying behind her like a flag and her phone clutched tightly in her hand. Cady groans inwardly, fully aware of what this means. “Just let me get one picture before you leave.”

“Mommy!”

“Just one!” she pleads, gesturing with her finger, her pink lips forming a pout. You’d think a pout on a fully grown woman would look ridiculous, and it does to an extent, but it also weakens Cady’s resolve. Her mom might be an over the top sentimental monster, but she’s her over the top sentimental monster and Cady’s certain that she’d regret it if she walked out the door without letting her take a picture.

Besides, the embarrassment’s a good distraction.

“Fine,” she sighs, shifting her backpack onto her shoulder and giving into the grin working its way onto her face. She flips the braid over her shoulder and straightens her back. “Just one.”

“Promise.” That’s what her mom says, however it’s soon shown to be false, because she’s not sure if that one took. Then she wants one landscape as well as portrait. And then she needs another one because she’s not sure if she likes the lighting in that one. Then another one because apparently Cady was blinking. With each press of the button, Cady’s patience wears thinner and thinner.

“Mommy, you know that a big part of the first day of school is actually going to school?” she asks.

“Oh all right, fine,” her mom agrees, putting the phone in her pocket. She presses her hands to her mouth and looks at Cady, her shoulders rising as she takes in a deep breath. Under the hallway light, she can see the beginning of tears in her mom’s eyes. Part of Cady thinks she should roll her eyes, but instead she holds out her hand and lets her mom take it, giving it a tight squeeze. When her mom covers Cady’s hand with hers, Cady feels a quick flash of nostalgia for her homeschooling days. It’s brief and tiny, but it is there. “You’re growing up so fast. How are you a senior already?”

“I know. It feels like I’ve only been in high school for a year.” It’s a bad joke, but they both laugh. Her mom lets go of her hand and grabs her shoulders instead, her grip firm but loving.

“Have a good day today,” she tells her, finally letting her go. Just as Cady is turning to go, she takes out the phone and begins looking through the pictures, sighing wistfully at each one. Cady shakes her head fondly, chuckling under her breath. Once she’s gone, she will no doubt run up to show them to her dad and then they can both reminisce over when Cady was tiny and needed their help to toddle down the dusty roads of their old home. Parents.

“If only you’d gotten Janis to walk in with you today,” her mom says absent-mindedly. “I’d have loved a photo of the two of you together. Maybe get her to come over tonight?”

And with that, her mom unknowingly shatters her good mood.

Cady swallows the lump in her throat, reaching for her jacket as a chill takes over her body.

“Maybe,” she whispers. She clears her throat and tries again. Maybe her mom will just think it’s allergies. “She might be busy tonight.”

So much for a distraction.

She listens to one of her favourite podcasts on the way to school. She tried music, but three songs in and she was already thinking about Janis more than she was at home. She doesn’t stop when she switches to the podcast, but the discussions about the baby lions and tigers are at least a comfort to her, reminding her of her old friends.

When she gets to school, she’s first greeted by familiar faces, people she wasn’t friends with but wasn’t enemies with either. They wave and say hi and some even ask how her summer was.  Sophie Kawachi even flashes her a peace sign, which she reciprocates. Despite her rocky love life, she feels hope blossoming in her chest, not unlike the kind of hope she felt this time last year as she had bounced through the doors, but with a lot less naivete this time around. If she can fix this Janis situation quickly, maybe this year can actually be good all the way through.

“Cady!” She barely has time to register the voice before a pair of arms come around her from behind and a chin rests on her shoulder. Last year she’d have certainly been startled, and her assailant would possibly have ended up with a bruise on their cheek, but instead she giggles and leans into the embrace, breathing in the scent of strawberry lipgloss and watermelon body spray.

“Hi, Karen,” she says. Karen’s smile outshines the rhinestones on her jacket and her giggle puts a smile on Cady’s face that’s hard to wipe away. Since she’s too scared to brave homeroom just yet, she’s more than glad to see her. In any case, Karen’s great company to have around, especially when you’re sad.

“I missed you,” she says.

“You saw me a few days ago,” she reminds her, bumping her shoulder affectionately. “Are Regina and Gretchen in yet?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” she says. Cady bites her lip. Sweet as Karen is, leaving her alone in the hallway is often asking for trouble. It wasn’t rare last year for her and Gretchen to have to go tracking the girl down because she’d wandered into the gym or the locker room or out to the courtyard because she wanted to see the flowers. “Regina said she’s running late. I sent her a baby chick emoji. Gretchen is meant to be here-”

And as if on cue, Gretchen appears in Cady’s vision, walking as quickly as her heels will allow and waving away Jason Weams’ attempted affection. Her eyes are wide and her mouth in a small ‘o’, an obvious sign on her nerves, but she eases when she spies Cady.

“Hey,” she says, sliding up to her. It doesn’t escape Cady’s notice how she keeps a little distance from her. She takes a step and makes it smaller. “Ugh, I can’t believe we’re back again.”

“I’m glad about it,” Cady says with a shrug. “I mean, isn’t senior year meant to be one of the best ever?”

“Yeah,” Karen says. “I’m super excited. I’ve saved this jacket for senior year since… two years ago.”

“Well it’s pretty,” Cady tells her.

“And it means I get to see you two all the time,” Karen goes on. “Not just some days.” She beams at the two of them, but her smile is more focussed and slightly softer when it comes to Gretchen. As for Gretchen herself, her cheeks turn pink and she looks away after muttering some thanks. Cady’s ears prick up and it’s a conscious effort to keep her mouth from falling open. Exactly how long as this been going on? What exactly is going on.

“Hey, Cady,” Gretchen asks quickly, her voice low. “Um… I was just wondering if you’d spoken to Janis lately.”

“J-Janis?” she repeats dumbly. She bites the inside of her cheek, determined not to cry in the middle of the hallway on her first day. “Not-not really, why?”

“Oh… well… you’re her girlfriend,” she says plainly. Was, Cady thinks sadly. Past tense. “And I know she had that hospital appointment. Did she tell you how it went?”

“Oh.” Cady pulls on her braid and notices how shaky her hands are. “Um, yeah, she said it went fine. She didn’t really want to talk about it.”

“Oh, good,” Gretchen sighs. “Because that was really scary when she passed out at the mall.”

“Yeah.” Cady turns her braid over in her hand. Her fears about Janis’ health haven’t disappeared at all, just taken a backseat to her heartbreak. She twirls the strands of hair around her fingers, grateful for Karen’s babbling as it’s the only thing keeping her grounded. She willingly walks them to their homeroom and stops to talk to as many of her peers as she can on the way back, wanting to keep her own homeroom at bay for as long as possible.

She isn’t sure who she’s more nervous about seeing, Janis or Damian. The two of them have a bond she can never understand and while she’s more than appreciative of that, she cherishes her own friendship with Damian. After years of being an only child-not counting her animals- her bond with Damian finally makes her feel like she knows what it’s like to have a sibling. She knows he’d never willingly hurt or freeze her out. That’s just not in his nature. But she’d also bet that if it came down to her or Janis, he would pick Janis in a heartbeat. She can’t blame him, but the idea still hurts.

So when she slips into homeroom just sixty seconds before the bell goes, it’s with her heart in her mouth and an anxious shiver running down her back.

But when she spies Damian at the other end of the class, Janis isn’t with him. Cady isn’t sure if that makes it better or worse. Sure, there are any number of reasons Janis wouldn’t be in school today, and chill as her parents are, they aren’t the type to let her skip school to avoid talking to Cady.

Maybe she switched homeroom classes to avoid you, a voice in her head whispers.

Thanks, she whispers back.

As is her nature, she makes the most of it and approaches Damian, her footsteps not unlike the ones she’d use when approaching the lions in Kenya. Optimistic but careful. Damian doesn’t notice her, and for a split second she panics and thinks that he’s ignoring her, until she’s next to him and he looks up from his book, his face breaking into a smile. The smile doesn’t sit right with her-it’s apprehensive and weak, and that’s unfamiliar for the ever-cheerful Damian.

“Hey,” she manages to say despite the heavy lump in her throat.

“Happy new year, little slice,” he greets. At least he’s still himself. When he doesn’t object to her dropping her bag on the desk beside his, she’s even more relieved. Even if there’s still an elephant in the room.

“So…” she begins, her fingers picking against the desk. “Have you… have you spoken to Janis lately?”

He lets out a long sigh, running his hands through his hair. There’s a vulnerability about him that Cady hasn’t seen before and she’d be lying if she said that it didn’t scare her, however slightly. His eyes meet hers, anxiety and melancholy replacing the usual fun spark.

“So she told you,” is all he says.

“Well, yeah.” Told is a strange way of putting it. She looks down at her fidgeting hands, her need for answers clashing with her respect for their friendship. Eventually she finds a middle ground. “Damian… you don’t have to answer… but did she talk to you about it before? I just thought… since you two are like…” She holds up her crossed fingers for him to see and gives him a shrug. “You know?”

“Yeah,” he says. The corners of his mouth turn up in a hollow smile. “She asked me to come over to her house and she told me everything.” His lips roll into a thin line and Cady swears she sees him blink away a tear. Was he really that invested in their relationship? More than Janis was? “It was a tough time. When did she tell you?”

“Last night,” she replies. She rubs the back of her neck, startled at how cold her hands are. “It was over the phone.”

“Ooft.” He winces sympathetically and reaches over to pat her hands. “Well, you know Janis. She’d surgically remove her emotions if she could.” Cady nods, tight-lipped. She takes in a deep breath, determined not to cry at school. She really doesn’t want to have to explain to people why she burst out crying on her first day of the school year. That’d be an even lower point than her last first day.

She must look sadder than she wants to, though, because Damian croons “Oh, sweetheart” at her and kneels beside her desk, his hand covering hers. The comfort he provides is stronger than her anxiety and pulls the words out of her before she can stop them.

“I just… It’s so unexpected,” she says. “You know?”

“Yeah. I guess you think it would never happen to you and then… it happens.” He taps a fast, nervous rhythm on her desk and she notices how chewed up some of his nails look. “And when it does it doesn’t feel real. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck.”

“Yeah,” she whispers. She shakes her head. If she’s honest, she there’s a small part of her that can’t help being annoyed that how much he seems to be siding with Janis here, or at the very least trying to be neutral. Yes, he’s her best friend, and she’s fully aware of how much they mean to each other. But she’s not here and would it kill him to pretend? It’s not like what she did didn’t suck and wasn’t a dick move by romance standards. Maybe she’ll vent to Gretchen later about it. “Did she ever say anything before?”

“What do you mean, before?”

“Just… it’s fine you don’t have to answer.” She turns away from him, looking in her bag for her notepad.

“Caddy-”

“No, I know it’s not any of my business,” she replies, a bit harsher than she had intended. She brushes a lock of hair behind her ear and takes in a deep breath to compose herself. When she looks over at Damian again, he’s not mad, or if he is he does a very good job of hiding it. He looks confused more than anything else. “I just thought things were going really well. I didn’t expect it-I didn’t think she wasn’t happy.”

“Not happy?” he says. “Of course she wasn’t happy, she…” His voice trails off, his eyes grow wide and Cady watches as he puts together pieces of a puzzle she doesn’t have. “Cady, what are you talking about?”

But before she can answer, Mrs Norbury strides into the classroom, her glasses atop her messy bun and as usual, she carries more papers and folders than her arms can carry. She begins welcoming them back to the school and getting them ready to tackle the year ahead, all with the same cherry, wholesome vibe that makes Cady feel so safe around her. Only she soon starts to slow down, her eyes avoiding the students as her voice takes on a more serious tone. Cady reaches down to her backpack and squeezes the plush lion on her zipper.

“As some of you may have heard, your classmate Janis Sarkisian won’t be completing this year with us.”

What? A gasp ripples throughout the classroom. It’s not just news to Cady, it’s news to all of them. Is that why she broke up with her, she wonders. The only one who doesn’t seem surprised is Damian. When she turns to him, his head is bowed and he picks at his nails, but his face is resigned. Did he know?

“Her parents informed the school that she’ll be receiving treatment for cancer throughout this year,” Norbury concludes.

Cady freezes, one particular word standing out in her mind. She’s vaguely aware of a bunch of heads turning towards her and of the suffocating silence that falls on the room, but she can’t find it in her to care, let alone meet any of them. She’s too focussed on trying to catch her breath for that. A million questions run through her mind at once, blocking out the gasps and murmurs form her classmates.

“What the fuck?” someone exclaims. And Cady’s inclined to agree with them. Until she realises that the person who said it was her.

She spends the remainder of homeroom in open mouthed shock, the words ‘Janis’ and ‘cancer’ constantly at the front of her mind. As Norbury keeps talking, she sends subtle, sympathetic glances Cady’s way and amongst all the confusion, she’s grateful for it.

At least she has an answer now, she thinks. She kind of wishes she didn’t though. Janis breaking up with her is one thing. Janis having… This is another thing entirely.

She’s hurt. She might feel bad for it but she’s still hurt. Hurt that Janis didn’t tell her and hurt that she decided she’d rather break up with her than confide in her. Whatever she thought about where she and Janis were in their relationship, she was clearly wrong.

As soon as the bell rings she’s at Damian’s desk, looking up at him with eyes that demand answers. He sighs, putting his bag on his shoulder and the two hang back as the rest of the students file out, only leaving when Mrs Norbury gives them a silent reminder that there’s other people in the world besides them.

“She didn’t tell you,” he states in a low voice. The hall is empty enough, their fellow students far away enough so that they won’t hear them. “Did she?”

“Tell me?” She doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry. “Damian… she broke up with me!”

“She did what?” he gasps, bringing the two of them to a halt. He shakes his head, as close to a scowl as she’s ever seen on his face. “That’s… no, I’m gonna… Okay but she… I’m going to talk to her about that because-”

“Damian.” She holds up her hand to silence him. “It’s okay. I can deal with her. It’s my-our relationship.”

“Okay.” His hand brushes against hers and then he takes it, his palm warm against hers. She’s not sure who he’s trying to comfort, himself or her, then it occurs to her it might be both. And despite it all, it’s nice to know he’s still her friend. “Damian, when you said she told you… what exactly did she tell you?”

At first he doesn’t answer. He swings their joined hands, a troubled expression on his face. And for the first time, it actually hits Cady as the anger begins to fade. It’s still there, but it simmers in the background as she faces this harrowing reality; Janis has cancer. Her girlfriend, the girl she… really likes a lot, has cancer.

Damian’s arm wraps around her waist and he hugs her tightly. She leans into his embrace, the two of them alone in this vast ocean.

“She told me everything she could,” he tells her quietly. “That she starts treatments on Monday.” Explains why she isn’t here. “She apologised, which was ridiculous.”

“Completely.” When Cady reaches up to touch her face, her fingers come away wet. Damn it.

“She also said she’s going to be okay,” he says weakly. “I told her of course she will be.”

“Of course,” Cady echoes. She thinks of Janis, larger than life, unapologetic, goofy, stubborn, beautiful Janis and despite the tears in her eyes and the hurt in her chest, she smiles. There’s no way this cancer could take her down. Not that she ever thought it would.

She rests her head on Damian’s shoulder and when she slips into her first class five minutes late, she’s let off with a warning and nothing more. And dozens of concerned eyes and hushed murmurs as she makes it to her seat. She’s not Home Schooled Jungle Freak or New Queen Bee any more. She’s The Girl Whose Girlfriend Has Cancer.

                                                                                               *****

At the end of the school day, Cady is the first one heading for the door, ducking her head to avoid the rest of the student body. Now that the word is out about Janis it’s all anyone talks about, and everyone assumes that as her girlfriend, she already knew. Which of course she didn’t and while she feigns composure and tries to be collected, she can’t not be annoyed at her. Every time someone approaches her and asks when Janis told her, she has to begrudgingly admit that she only found out this morning and it stings, even if she doesn’t tell them about the break up. Being the Girl Whose Girlfriend Has Cancer is one thing, being the Girl Who Got Dumped is another. It’s why she’s so eager to leave before anyone else can ask her; she wants to get to Janis’ house while there’s still affection in her.

She shoots her mom a quick text telling her she’s going to Janis’, omitting the reason why. To be honest, all she wants to do is run home and collapse in her mom’s arms and tell her everything, to give in to all the sad feelings hiding behind her anger. But she’s only got three days to talk to Janis about this and she worries that if she goes home now, she’ll never see her again.

And it’s the idea of never seeing Janis again that propels her forwards, taking the bus to her street and forcing her feet to move in the direction of her (ex) girlfriend’s house. A passer-by would be forgiven for thinking she was confident given the quick pace with which she’s walking, but her heart is pounding so hard it might burst out of her chest and she spent the bus ride writing down the main points she’s making like it’s a debate for English class. The only reason she’s moving with such purpose is a combination of the “Empowerment Playlist” she’s listening to (courtesy of Gretchen) and what she likes to think is rightful frustration.

Still, she has to wipe her hand on her pants before ringing Janis’ doorbell.

“Hi Mrs Sarkisian,” she greets with a smile, the same smile she’s always greeted Cady with. She searches Mrs Sarkisian’s face, trying to find any trace of fear or sadness or any indication that her daughter has been struck with an infamous illness. Was she in the room when they found out? Had she had an idea before? More selfishly, does she know about the break-up?

“A-are you here for Janis?” Mrs Sarkisian asks and it’s then Cady realises she hasn’t said anything.

“Oh, um, yeah, yes,” she replies. She plays with the zipper of her jacket. “Is she here? I just want to talk to her about… some stuff.”

A moment passes before she says “sure” and lets Cady in. She wonders what was going in Mrs Sarkisian’s head for that moment. Was she considering making up a lie and politely declining?

“She’s just in the living room.” She gestures to the tightly shut door. That’s all that’s separating her from Janis. A door that’s about the same thickness as her calculator. She suddenly starts chugging the water in her backpack.

“Thanks, Mrs Sarkisian,” she replies. She gives her a stern look and Cady manages a weak nod, remembering a past conversation. “Laura.”

As Janis’ mom moves slowly down the hallway, Cady places her hand on the doorknob, fingers freezing around the metal. Seeing her girlfriend is scaring her more than anything else she’s faced so far.

“Fearless,” she whispers to herself. “Fearless.” Her little mantra gives her strength and she turns the knob, and stumbles into the living room.

“Caddy!”

Janis is sitting on the couch, the exact same girl she saw last week at the mall. Every inch of her is familiar, but at the same time Cady has to ask herself if she always looked like this. If her skin is paler or is she imagining things, does she look more tired or is it just the lack of make-up? Her hair looks unbrushed and is pulled back into a messy ponytail and in the split second before she noticed her, she had been watching the TV with half-empty eyes and her hand thoughtlessly running through Maxie’s fur. There’s a white blanket draped around her shoulders and she doesn’t think she remembers Janis looking quite so vulnerable before.

One thing is for sure though; Janis wasn’t expecting her to come around.

“Caddy what are you doing here?”

“What am I doing here?” she asks, stepping closer to Janis. A warm flush spreads across her face and down her back and she doesn’t know if it’s out of anger or embarrassment or both. “What do you think I’m doing here?”

“I don’t-”

“Janis, I know,” she tells her sharply, only to immediately regret it. Her whole body is rigid, apart from her hand which fidgets at her side. “I know. Norbury told us, Jan. I know what’s wrong with you. Everyone does.”

“Oh,” is all Janis says. She turns away from her, but thanks to her pulled-back hair, Cady can see the way her jaw is clenched and how her shoulders shake, the way her face scrunches in a way that can only mean one thing. In less than a second, all the anger and frustration that had pushed her here melts away, leaving just a little bit of guilt and a lot of sadness. Seconds pass in a suffocating silence and Cady is almost tempted to just leave. Walk out the door and let her go. It’s only because the idea of letting her go hurts more than this that she stays.

“I’m sorry,” Janis finally says, still looking away. “I wanted to tell you-okay no that’s a lie. I didn’t.”

“Oh thanks,” Cady scoffs. “Way to make me feel better.”

“No, Caddy.” She pushes a rather offended Maxie off her lap and stands up. It doesn’t escape Cady’s notice how the task takes more effort than normal or that her breathing is more laboured than it should be. She’s clad in an oversized grey shirt and black shorts poking out underneath, her collarbone poking out starkly. She looks over at her, tear tracks on her pale cheeks. “It’s not like that. I didn’t want you to know because…” She waves her hand in mid-air as she searches for the right words. “I didn’t know how.”

“You knew how to tell Damian,” she says, though her voice is far softer than it would have been an hour ago.

“He’s different,” Janis tells her with a shrug. “He’s Damian.”

“And I’m what exactly?” she asks. After a deep breath in, she takes a step closer to Janis. They’re still giving each other space, but she could reach out and touch her now if she wanted. Instead she keeps her arms to herself. “Janis I’m not mad that you didn’t tell me.”

“Yeah you are.”

“Yeah okay, I am,” she sighs. “I mean… did you break up with me to get out of telling me?”

“No.” Her eyes widen at that, her hair bouncing as she shakes her head. “No, no Cady. I didn’t.”

“Then what? Were you always planning on it? Was this just really bad timing?”

“No, God, Cady no!” As she speaks, she looks the most normal she has since Cady got there. Or the most familiar, at least. She runs a hand over her face, a small, pained sound emitting from her mouth. “God. I broke up with you because…” She lets out a loud, trembling sob and not having her arms around her physically hurts. “Because you didn’t deserve it. You don’t deserve a girlfriend with… with cancer.”

Now it’s Cady’s turn to bite back tears. How could Janis even think that? That some illness would make her less worthy of her? Her confession tears at and mends her heart at the same time.

“Well…” She takes another step closer to her. Lifting her chin up just a little, she takes Janis’ hand and moves it away from her face. Cady’s thumb presses into the palm of her hand. “You don’t deserve cancer.” Janis’ fingers intertwine with hers.

“That’s different,” she whispers. “I’m just trying to minimise the damage.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means…” She winces out of some unknown pain. “It means I’m already dragging my parents down with this. And Damian too. I ca-can’t do that to you.” Cady blinks and-unsurprisingly-finds tears in her own eyes. “I can’t drag you down too, Caddy.” Cady shakes her head, her words deserting her. As if Janis could ever drag her down. “I’m sorry. I should have told you. I should have, you were right. You shouldn’t have had to find out like that.”

“Yeah, I shouldn’t have.” That’s about as annoyed as she can get now. After a brief hesitation, she reaches out and wipes her tears away. She at least smiles at that. “Janis… don’t push me away. Not now, especially not now.” Not when you need me she adds silently.

“I just want you to be happy,” she says quietly. “I want you to enjoy your senior year, Caddy. Minimal baggage.”

“Maybe I want to carry the baggage with you,” she replies firmly. Her words take Janis by surprise. With a gentle smile, she continues “I mean isn’t that what I’m supposed to be doing as your girlfriend?” The hopeful look in Janis’ is all the answer she needs. Enough to make her close the distance between them even more and run her fingers through her hair. “Then let me in,” she whispers.

And she’s close to. But there’s a tension in Janis’ shoulders and a wall still standing between them.

“Caddy, I read all these articles,” she explains. “About relationships and cancer and it might… I might not be able to be a good girlfriend right now.”

Cady shakes her head again, because she can’t imagine a world where Janis isn’t a good girlfriend.

“Then I’ll be good enough for the both of us,” she tells her. “Then when you get better, we can be good together.”

The corners of Janis’ mouth turn up into a smile and gosh, does it warm Cady’s heart to see it.

“There’s no getting rid of you, is there?”

“Nope.” Janis chuckles, the sound sweet and lovely and better than any music on her phone and taps her finger to Cady’s nose. In response she plants a swift and sweet kiss to the inside of Janis’ wrist.

“Do you want to stay?” she asks sheepishly. “Just for a little bit. You can fill me in on school. I can fill you in on this. And…” She avoids her eyes but this time it’s not out of fear or discomfort. If the pinkish hue on her cheeks is any indication, it’s out of an affectionate embarrassment. “I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too,” Cady tells her, squeezing her hand. “Art freak.”

They settle themselves on Janis’ couch, Cady’s legs draped over hers and the blanket around Janis’ shoulders and pulled over Cady’s back, sealing them in their own little cocoon. Cady tries to fill her in about school and what she’s missed, deciding to omit the details about Karen and Gretchen this morning. Janis can find that out when the two of them are ready. Instead she tells her about her plans to captain the Mathletes now that Kevin is gone and of her excitement for the classes ahead. Small and unimportant things that soon fall to the side, giving way for Janis to tell her everything.

“I have leukaemia,” she explains. “According to Mr Doctor Man, that means I have too many white blood cells and that means the red ones can’t function.” Her hand is tense as it curls around Cady’s. That sounds nothing short of terrifying to Cady, and she realises immediately after that that she’s not even the person going through it. So as much as anything Janis says scares her, it’s nothing to what Janis herself must be feeling.

“How did you find out?” she asks after a while.

“I just… I was tired all the time,” she says. “And you know… passing out in the mall.” The fact that Cady was there that day and witnessed it and didn’t know the reason why sends a shiver down her spine. “And I was waking up in the middle of the night and I was really, really hot. You can make a joke about how I’m already really hot.”

“Nah. Your ego’s big enough already.” Janis chuckles, albeit short lived.

“So I got a blood test and then… they found out.” She gives a nonchalant shrug that’s not at all matching the topic. “I did not take it well.” Now it’s Cady’s turn to laugh and she wonders if this is a sign of what’s coming. Laughing at the darkness because it’s better than the alternative.

“Damian told me you start treatment on Monday,” she says quietly. Janis nods and takes in a deep breath. Cady wonders if Damian telling her was crossing a line.

“Yep,” she sighs. Her demeanour changes slightly, even if the tension in her hand and the beating of her heart doesn’t. Not too much, but enough to make her appear calm to an outsider. “Basically two weeks in the hospital, then a week here, for three months.” She kisses the back of Cady’s hand, a spark in her eye that feels more like her. “Then after that, all of this will be a funny memory and we’ll laugh ourselves silly.”

“We will?” Cady echoes, doubtful. Janis manages a half-nod and Cady rests her head on her shoulder, her arm across her girlfriend’s chest. Janis pulls her closer and rests her cheek against Cady’s hair. If she’s honest, the way Janis is holding her isn’t entirely comfortable, but there’s a desperation in her touch that makes Cady’s discomfort almost silly. Like someone might come in and drag Cady away at any moment. So even with the dull ache in her back, she strokes Janis’ hair and kisses her cheek, counting the tiniest of smiles as a victory.

They sit like that in silence for a long, long time before Janis speaks up again, without walls or defences and sounding impossibly far away despite being so close to her.

“I’m scared,” she confesses, and then she breaks. It’s not the panicking type of fear that she’s familiar with, both from her own experiences and with Gretchen. Instead it feels deep and cold, sitting heavily in her soul and rattling her from within. She’s been living with it for days now, utterly alone. And it’s terrible, for Cady to watch and no doubt for Janis to experience. She’d give anything if it meant she could just tell her it will all be okay, how could she?

“I know,” is what she says instead. She kisses her cheek again and again and nuzzles into her neck. “I know.” Janis’ moves heavily and slowly against her, her breath ruffling Cady’s stray hair. She presses another firm kiss to Cady’s head and a lot is held in that simple gesture.

“I need you to promise me something,” Janis says softly. Her fingers fidget and pick anxiously at the blanket, chasing away whatever pleasantness was left. “I need you to promise that if it gets too much… if this gets too hard for you, you’ll walk away.”

“Janis-”

“Cady.” She shifts and breaks them apart so she can look Cady squarely in the eyes and hold her hands close to her chest. The expression on her face is equal parts desperate and steadfast. And fear. Cady has an unwelcome suspicion that fear might become commonplace for the next few months. Janis holds her face in her cold hands and continues. “I mean it. I need you to promise that you won’t put your life on hold because of me. That if… if this starts interfering with your life and what you want, you’ll step back. Even if it means… if it means ending it.”

Cady shakes her head. It’s an absurd promise and one she could never keep. Asking her to give up Janis would be like asking her to step down as Mathletes captain or delete the pictures of lions from her phone. She went through a lot last year to find who she wants to be, and who she wants to be with, and nothing could make her give that up. But Janis is silently pleading with her and she knows there’s no way to placate her other than agreeing.

“Okay, fine. I promise.” But her fingers are crossed behind her back. She’s broken promises before, and this is at least one worth breaking. And regardless, there’s more ways to get out of such a deal. “And I’ll make another promise. That it’ll never be too much for me. Not ever, Janis Sarkisian.”

She nods and mumbles an ‘okay’ and while she’s clearly comforted by Cady’s declaration, she doesn’t seem entirely convinced. It makes sense; she’s been plagued by insecurities for a while and the effects past betrayal still linger on her, making sweet words turn sour in her mind. So when Cady tilts her head towards her and kisses her, it’s more than a kiss. It’s another promise, not to Janis but to herself, that she’ll spend every day until this is over making Janis believe her.

[ohjaimelannister]

Do you think Hoppers actually dead though?

O K A Y.

I’ve been looking for an excuse to pull all of this together so here we go! NO Anon, I do not think that Chief James Hopper has gone and died on us. There’s no REAL evidence (there are easter eggs though) however and the Duffer Brothers could still pull the rug out from under us but hey.

No I do not believe that Hopper is dead. Although some things can be interpreted as pretty final and if the Duffers really kill him off I will never watch this show again, because it’s horrifically SHITTY writing and im already super tired of that this year lmao.

One - There is no body? We were never showed a body or what’s left of one? We have seen bodies for Benny, Barb, Bob and Billy (and even people who were in it for like 5 minutes). THEY EVEN PRODUCED A FAKE WILL WHEN THEY WANTED US TO THINK HE WAS DEAD. THEY AREN’T AGAINST SHOWING US BODIES!!! Which brings me to my next point!

Two - They also aren’t against to showing us death. Lots of gory detailing death, WHOEVER it is. Billy died horrifically but you saw it even though hes a kid. Bob got ripped to shreds.  And even those dudes at the beginning of S3 died horribly? They still showed it. Hopper’s death??? It cuts away. You see NOTHING. AT. ALL. There aren’t even any remnants OF a body where he was standing, and Joyce goes down there and LOOKS. Surely shed find something? Gooey grossness like the bodies at the beginning? Nope. You could argue that they’d be against showing us the death of a beloved hero and a main character but. Again. Bob was beloved and arguably one of the sweetest characters in the show and he was ripped to bits in front of us and Joyce. Billy was a kid for all intents and purposes, still he died a horrible death. Not one bit of that was cut away.

Three - If you look in the shots hes not on the platform when the thing explodes????? like at all? Either that’s badly shot or its done deliberately because he’s just not there anymore? There’s the portal to the Upside Down and you can see a ladder in the shot too, so maybe he either went into the Upside Down or down the ladder and got caught by the russians?? We just don’t know.

Four - We see the devastated Eleven and the aftermath of what happened at Star Court. Then it jumps to three months later? Okay, odd that were not shown anymore of the grieving or the funeral. Then of course Eleven read the SPEECH. Think about the end of it specifically and about LEAVING THE DOOR OPEN 3 INCHES!! You can see from one of the final shots of Star Court that the gates not CLOSED. It was healing but it never fully closes. So Hopper could be in the Upside Down, or travelled through it to Russia on the other end?? Who knows. Point is, they included this line at the end for a reason. Whether the reason is that hes actually dead and they’re just being profound or that its a hint about his fate, its meaningful.

Five - During the ending the song HEROES by Peter Gabriel plays, this is the same song that was placed over them finding Wills fake body, and after all the goodbyes and the ‘speech’ where it ends with “keep the door open three inches” well. Come on.

Six - Then it cuts to Russia and you hear the “not the american” line, and Hopper was called “the American” throughout the series by that Russian baddie. Should I start waving Red Flags here or???? Then again, a lot of people are saying this could be Brenner. Okay I 100% get your logic Im with ya, and for a few days I’ve also thought it could be Brenner. But here’s the thing. Elevens powers. Brenner makes her use them to spy on a russian man in Season 1. Hinting that there’s more going on here than just super powers, kids and other dimensions. Don’t forget that in the 80s the world was in the grip of the Cold War, and things would have started reaching a boiling point for this long before 1985 when it ‘officially’ began. We were never given any answers about why Brenner was spying on this man, or even Russia. Or even if he WAS spying for the US. Nothing, it’s a throwaway scene. Or IS IT? Russians show up in Season Three somehow knowing about the Upside Down, having failed at their own attempts to open a gate in Russia. They somehow know that its Hawkins they need to be in to successfully open their gate and potentially get monsters to use, oh I don’t know, in a WAR???? How would they have known any of this information to begin with?? Oh I wonder. We were told all about Brenner being alive and out there in season two (and we were never told WHERE and this is not referenced again), but as far as I can remember Eleven has never shared this with anyone else, even though it’s completely RELEVANT information. And as far as I can remember (its been a hell of an emotional few days) I dont think were given any explanation about how the Russians knew about the Upside Down, Hawkins or anything. So maybe the reason they knew is BECAUSE BRENNER is the one giving them their directives? Because hes worked for THEM this whole time???

Seven -  Interestingly also Eleven lost her powers? JEEZ ISN’T THAT CONVENIENT!!! Because the first thing shed use them for is to look for Hopper even if she was told he was dead. Shed look, 100% for the man who saved her, gave her a home, loved her, worried for her, cared for her like she was his goddamn OWN. Conveniently though now SHE CANT??? Interesting.

Eight -  And now. There’s the voicemail message. In one of the episodes (my brains so fried I cant remember which one sorry) Murrays gives out his landline number, and when you call it you can hear him give a message to Joyce. You can listen to it here.  You can tell this is after season three, because why would he talk to Joyce Byers? Surely if he was trying to reach someone for information it would be Hopper?  “I have an update, its best if we speak in person" an update??? About what??? Why is he coercing with joyce???  Notice how he says “it’s not good or bad but its SOMETHING” and then says “we’ll talk about it in person” (or something like that) why would he be calling joyce with an ‘update’?????????? AND ON WHAT EXACTLY?? INTERESTING!!

Nine - Theres this interview with the cast specifically ABOUT Hopper, the death and the post credits scene. And I love David Harbour but, you cannot lie for shit my angel.

Ten - Millie has said in an interview “ Her dads gone, or so she thinks” COME ON.

Eleven - Again WE KNOW DAVID HARBOUR IS LIKE THE MARK RUFFALO OF STRANGER THINGS. And hes bad at keeping shit to himself. Hes already told us at the end of last YEAR, literally a month after they finished filming season three that the Duffers have told him the ending to the series as a whole. Why would any creator do this for a man they have effectively just fired, because his character died? Why would they tell him? They wouldn’t.

Tweleve - Again. David Harbour, bless his heart, I think its trying to give us HINTS and bread crumbs to follow. Last week he changed his instagram photo from Hopper in S1 to the number 6. Odd. Today he changed it to the number one :

Twelve continued - Basically if he changed it to an 8 next, we know hes trying to hint at Murrays voicemail message and this is a clue for Hopper. Because why else would he bother?

Thirteen - Theres also this screenshot from Cara Buonos instagram where she literally SAYS about him being in Kamchatka, and uses the Russian word for PRISON. (Of course this could just be a joke between the actors

Fourteen - Theres also the fact, which is not evidence mind you, that its incredibly shitty writing to have both the men that Joyce Byers loved/loves to die in front of her? And actually having her put the action in motion that kills the man she loves? No. I wont accept that. And weve been shown her non willingness to believe in peoples death, everyone and their mothers told her Will was dead and she was being crazy. Did she listen? No. And she got her boy back. Will she think once she has a clear head that Hoppers dead? Maybe. Which is why she asks Murray to investigate. Hence the Voicemail Message.

Fifteen - Its also incredibly shitty and hard to swallow, for Elevens sake too. I mentioned already how much she loves Hopper and finally got a true parent in him. Do you honestly think they’d put her through all of that just to lose him NOW? Like i said, its convienent how shes lost her powers at this very crucial moment.

Sixteen - DAVID. HARBOURS. BEARD. RIGHT. NOW.

And SEVENTEEN -Just in case y’all are having trouble with any of that it looks like David Harbour has let sorta slip (my god I fucking ADORE THIS MAN LET ME TELL YOU). I dont know how reliable this is mind you because its not coming from a BIG source, but HERE he hints at knowing who the American is, after telling everyone else (see the interview above ^^) that he doesnt know and he cant say anything. 

‘During an interview with David Harbour, I attempted to delicately get around the fate of Jim Hopper. Harbour, however, came right out and gave it to me straight. “This is the question I’m going to have to dance around–” I began, only for Harbour to interrupt me and ask, “The ending?” “Right,” I said. “Is there a way you can talk about the future of Hopper without…” I trailed off here, only for Harbour to ask: “Well, did you see the post-credits scene?”I had, of course. And so I straight-up asked: is that Hopper behind the door? According to Harbour, that’s the most likely scenario. Throughout the season, the main Russian baddie refers to Hopper as “the American”, and having another Russian refer to the mysterious prisoner in the same way was the big giveaway.Of course, knowing that Hopper is alive, and knowing how he survived and ended up in Russia, are two different things. We’ll have to wait for season 4 to get that answer. And we’ll have to wait to see how things unfold from there. Will a big chunk of season 4 involve Hopper escaping that Russian base, and trying to get back to America? Time will tell. One thing is clear: Hopper still has a long journey ahead of him; not just physically, but emotionally.’

SO, basically Jim Hopper has not left us, Joyce or Eleven.  And if the Duffer Brothers have done all this to screw with us, well. Im not gonna be responsible for what I do.

I FEEL JIM HOPPER IN THIS RUSSIAN PRISON TONIGHT!!!

THANK YOU FOR COMING TO MY TED TALK!!!!!!!!

[argumentl]

The Freedom of Expression Ep 12 - After the  increase in drinking at home, Tamabukuro Sujitaro's local Chinese restaurant tv program is hugely popular.

K: Hi, this is Dir en grey's Kaoru, starting this episode of The Freedom of Expression. Joe san, Tasai san, welcome again...Well, how's it going recently? In these trying times?

J: Recently, I've been wearing a mask.

T: Right, your mask.

K: Um, just so i don't cause trouble around me today, Im gonna wear a mask, I thought i should.

T: The distance between us too...We're social distancing.

K: Yeah, kinda.

J: There's more space than usual.

K: So, how's it been?

J: Well, I've been doing radio, but in terms of interviews..its really dried up.

T: Ahh, me too.

J: Well, basically, artists, they're in a situation where live shows aren't happening, so there is no so-called promotion going on.

K: Thats right.

J: So, rather than meeting directly to talk, they are doing interviews by email, or such. I've been spending longer at home, so I've been watching movies, and stuff.

T, K: Yeah.

J: Watching erotic movies and stuff.

K, T: *laugh*

K: Thats just normal for you though, right?

T: Its the same.

J: Well, I havn't changed in that respect.

T: Well, Joe, you've been watching movies. But my kids are also having time off..

J: Oh right.

T: Im with them all day, so i have no time to watch movies.

J: You don't watch them at all?

K: *To J* 'You don't watch them?'??

T: I can't, I don't have time. I take the kids to the park in the morning, I make them run about 5 laps, at least try to wear them out a bit *K, J laugh*

J: You make your kids run?

T: Yeah, if I wear them out, Im thinking how much earlier I can get them to bed. Then I'll have one or two hours to myself.

J: Oh right.

T: And then I'll have an evening drink or something, I do get a break doing this show though, but today I brought some news about how this kind of situation is happening in the world right now.

K: Okay, go ahead.

T: Its really typical Tokyo Sports news, but with this increase in drinking at home, a certain food tv show is very popular...a tv show specializing in local Chinese restaurants. The TV show 'Machi chuuka de yarouze' on BS - TBS has become popular.

J: Local Chinese restaurants?

T: Do you know it?

J: No no, I don't have a tv at home, so I have no idea. But I personally love local Chinese restaurants. Generally, if I go to different areas, if there is a butcher, I'll buy a pork cutlet and eat it straight away, if there is a local Chinese restaurant I'll have fried rice there...its how I test out new areas. 

T: What about you Kaoru, do you like local Chinese restaurants?

K: I love them. I also watch that show a lot. *the others laugh*

J: What type of show is it?

K: Well..they just go to these restaurants, drink beer, pick something to eat, and ???*1

J: Just that?

T: They eat stuff like fried rice, gyoza/dumplings, ??*2, and drink beer.

J: I see.

T: And its like people at home can watch it and drink beer too, its popular.

J: I see. By the way, Kaoru, when you go to local Chinese restaurants, what do you order? Your must have order?

K: Hmm, Liver and chives or..

J: Ohh yes.

T: Yeah, I like that.

J: Thats a good one.

T: How about gyouza?

K: Yeah, gyouza too.

T: And fried rice.

J: Fried rice is my...its my best way to really test out the skill of the restaurant, whether they are cooking properly...its fried rice.

K: But I always eat too much.

J: Yeah, yeah. Its best if you share it with a group*3, but if you are by yourself, and having beer, the calories stack up.

K: They do.

T: After we introduced this topic, Tokyo Sports' Twitter was abuzz with comments from all over the country saying, 'I love this too!'. It really seems like everyone loves these kinds of restaurants.

J: Ahh, really? But recently, it seems like they are starting to disappear a bit. There's this so-called 'successor problem', and especially in the city, and with the run up to the Olympics too, a lot of these places which make me say, 'Ahh, I like this', are disappearing. Its like, 'Oh, that place has gone?! I liked thier daily specials!'. To me, Japan's local chinese restaurants are..???*4

T: But also a lot of places can't open because of Corona.

K: Some are starting to do take-out outside,  right?

J: Yeh, they are.

T: Even with that, its tough for them though. I wish people would go to them *5

J: Yeahh. Don't they have those old style tables with the thin legs? With that, and a beer, and the tv..its a nice image.

T: Its like its unchanged from a long time ago.

J: It is.

K: I also like chinese noodes/soba.

J: Ah, yeah.

T: Those are good.

K: I feel like drinking beer now.

J: Should we do a Freedom of Expression special while having a drink sometime?

K: We should.

T: That would be good.

J: Lets do it sometime.

K: It should be fine. Drinking on air is not banned, right?

J: No, its fine.

T: What do you drink Kaoru? Gari..

K: Gari chuhai (Chuhai with pickled ginger)

J: Gari chuhai?

T: I wanna drink that.

K: Should we do it?

J: Lets do it! Yeah, lets. Everyone's doing online drinking parties now, right?

T: That sounds good.

K: Oh, they are, yeah.

T: There are like zoom drinking parties, using that app.

K: Wouldn't that be interesting?

T: I wonder.

K: There are a lot of people saying its fun, right? Cause they can't really talk properly otherwise.

J: Ahh, probably. There are a lot of days when I don't talk at all, except for if the supermarket staff asks me if I want a bag, and I say , 'No thank you'. Then I think, 'Ah, the only thing I said today was "No thank you"!'. There are days like that aren't there?

K: There are.

J: There are, aren't there?! Kaoru, you must have days when you are working, where you don't speak at all?

K: Yeah, I don't talk at all. I communicate with the members but its all by text..like on Skype's  chatroom or something. I don't use my voice at all.

J: Really?

K: The only voice is from the track im listening to.

J: Don't you ever have the desire to talk?

K: Hmm, you can be more matter-of-fact with text rather than speaking.

J: Well, yes.

K: When you speak..for example, it can sound as if you're speaking with emotion, can't it?

J: Yeah, you attach an intonation to it.

K: Like, 'Hmm, its a bit...' or, 'Yeah, its good...'...Somehow communicating on Line is more...like 'He should talk first', or..

J: I see.

K: If you hear thier voice, you think, 'Oh, he likes it', or 'He hates it'...you attach extra meanings..

J, T: I see.

K: So to avoid that, reading text is better.

J: So generally, the members always communicate by text?

K: Yes. Always like this, using chat.

T: When do you speak then?

K: We don't speak. *the others laugh*

J: You're a band who never speaks.

K: We don't. In our dressing rooms and such, we really don't talk. *others laughing* Really.

J: So when you are on tour, you don't talk about stuff with the members?

K: Really, with our drummer, these past twenty or so years, the amount I've talked with him woudn't fill a day. *others laugh*

J: If you compressed it all together, right? Only about 24 hours?

K: Yeah, yeah.

J: Thats amazing.

T: The Dir en grey members should all go out to a chinese restaurant together.

K: That sounds good.

T: What kind of scene would that be?!

J: I wanna see that!

T: Me too!

J: We need a members' chinese restaurant drinking party someday.

T: That would be great.

J: Tokyo Sports could cover it.

T: Really?

J: An exclusive.

T: Yeah, an exclusive.

J: Wouldn't it be?

K: Well, we've no idea what will happen.

J: True.

K: But there's a possibility.

T: For sure.

J: Well, its an option.

Kami: Um..

J: Oh, its Kami!

Kami: Theres a great little chinese restaurant in Roppongi.

J: Eh? Do you know Roppongi well, Kami?

Kami: Yeah, I do.

J: Whats the place, can you say the name?

Kami: The name...what was it again, I forgot.

J: You forgot?

K: *laughs*

J: He comes in with this, and forgets?

Kami: Um, what makes it great is that its really quick.

J, K: Ahh.

K: Chinese food is good if it comes quickly.

T: Yeah, for sure.

Kami: Its really quick.

T: How quick?

Kami: I timed it.

T: You timed it?!

Kami: The food came out in two mins.

J: What did you order?

Kami: Liver and chives came out in two mins.

J, T: Two mins!

K: Thats quick!

J: It might have been something they had already made in advance?

Kami: No, it was hot, it was really delicious.

J: How much was it?

Kami: The price was cheap too.

T: By the way, what do you like to drink with chinese food?

Kami: Alcohol? Beer.

J: Of course, with chinese food, its beer, right?

Kami: I like gyouza with beer.

T: Gyoyza with beer.

K: Ahh

J: The most basic of basics.

T: So, in this tv show, there's this guy called Tamabukuro. He has a saying that the size of a  large beer, 633mls, should be compulsory education for adults.

J: I see. Well, everyone, please..chinese food..

K: If there's anyone who wants us to go to thier restaurant...

J: Oh, yes! Lets make an appeal!

T: Lets do it! It will be fun.

J: Well, if there's anyone interested, please contact us here *points to bottom of screen*

To any restaurant owners out there.

K: Yes, please....Well, for now..

J: Oh, we're finishing?

K: Shall we finish here?

J: Yeah, cause we're wearing masks, keeping my glasses free of fog is..

K: They are fogging up a bit.

J: They do. Why don't you guys' glasses fog up? Do you use anti-fog?

K: You have to put your mask up, and your glasses on top of it.

J: Oh, is that it? *adjusts glasses*  Like this? Don't I look stupid like this?

K: Well...

J: Is this ok? If I put the mask up..

K: Yeah, thats too far up. *laughs*

J: We don't wear a mask a home though, right?

K, T: No, we don't.

J: Im not that used to it.

K: Oh, indoors?

J: Yeah, indoors. I've learnt how to do my mask now...from next time.

K: Ok, please watch again next time, and please subscribe.

J, T: Please.

K: Thank you very much.

*1,2,4 Couldn't catch these bits.

*3,5 I think thats what is being meant.