#i wonder how people who need everything that could possibly be upsetting function out there in meatspace

[loxosceleslolo]

discourse got me like "I tagged my fics where anyone can die with 'anyone can die', right?"

[selkiewife]

I think the people who wonder "Why couldn't Rhaenyra just have Laenor’s kids!??" really need to watch the wedding episode again because what the HELL. Like did you see what happened at their wedding? Did you see how all of their plans to have a functional marriage where they "do their duty" was smashed to literal pieces? Do you see Laenor's face as he is saying his vows? He has just lost the love of his life in the most brutal way imaginable. Joffrey was literally BEATEN TO DEATH. You tell me that you would be willing to try to have babies with someone after that happened to you. Forget about that night- ALL nights for a LONG LONG time. Do you seriously expect these traumatized people to start trying to have a baby, really? His new wife's lover just brutally murdered the love of his life. (I am not casting blame on Rhaenyra here) but let's be real for a minute. The fact that they were able to achieve the beautiful queer family they did is a godsdamn miracle after the trauma they suffered at the very beginning of their relationship.

I know Rhaenyra said that they did try later but that it was too upsetting for both of them to continue trying. I do think that if Joffrey had (again) NOT BEEN BRUTALLY MURDERED they could have possibly managed to get Rhaenyra pregnant with Laenor's child. But (again) they were both dealing with immense trauma after Joffrey was BRUTALLY MURDERED. I know that we all get wrapped up in the world of Westeros where this kind of thing is always happening at weddings. But this is not something people just "get over" you know?

I do think that putting the time jump after this episode was a little bit too much for the audience. Like... it's possible to fill in the blanks with what happened. But it basically asks us all to write fanfic to fill in the blanks. During the rewatch I REALLY tried to figure out how the hell Criston Cole got away with this- even with the protection of the Queen. I think it hinges on the fact that Viserys collapses at the end of the private wedding ceremony. So I think that while Viserys was incapacitated, Alicent was his regent while he was recovering and took that opportunity to use her power to save Criston. A story could have been spun that Joffrey was trying to attack Rhaenyra out of... jealousy maybe?? And that Criston was only trying to protect the heir? And then perhaps Corlys and Rhaenys were reluctant to endanger their son more with rumors about his sexuality so they wanted this swept under the rug as quickly as possible and so they didn't seek justice for Joffrey?

I think that Rhaenyra was probably guilt stricken over everything that happened and felt very isolated. She’d lost Criston, her new husband was traumatized because of her plan that went so disastrously wrong, she’d lost Alicent for good, her father was sick, SHE was traumatized… and I can imagine Harwin was there for her. We see him saving her at the wedding. I can imagine a scene where they run into each other later and he asks her how she is doing after everything. And then she opens up to him and seeks comfort in him.

And the result is that she is seen as “stupid��� and “not playing the game” correctly after this horrific event. But ironically, even if she had managed to force her traumatized husband to give her heirs (which would have been abusive), or if she was cunning enough in her own traumatized state to pick someone who looked more like Laenor to be her lover, it still wouldn’t have mattered:

OTTO: It wouldn't matter if she were Jaehaerys himself born again. Rhaenyra is a woman. ~HOUSE OF THE DRAGON, Episode 3, "Second of His Name"

[moorishflower]

Wanted to let you know that I LOVE the conversation with Desire in Here there be dragons (which, btw, the title, the meditations on how to make the map infinite again in the face of like, current small/limited-world angst, woven together SO well). First off, excellent emotional beat, of course it would be Desire themself who could make Hob most clearly go "forget what everyone thinks is reasonable or possible for me, I *want* to understand wtf is happening right now". But honestly just kinda delighted at the other viewpoint into the Endless family drama about, apparently, this whole entire universe's existence.

Like, the whole multiverse premise (if I read it right), of a world in which Dream comes out the other side of being able to pursue what he wants AND change, AND do what he needs to do without self-destruction, the idea that he chose to do this so that he could have a universe within him where those two versions of him were one and the same, and maybe even possibly help bridge gaps between those versions of him in other realities? Fantastic.

But like, having Desire there for it for a bit also brings out some of the inherent comedy in the situation too because like. It is Just Like Dream to be on a universe reset and go "what would it take to make a universe where I circumvent the most tragic aspects of [canon events]" and to (somehow) go "ah yes, clearly the only solution for this problem is that we all be sea creatures". I just love love the irritation in Desire here as they all regain broader understanding/consciousness of their function and take a new form and then look around at this universe with new eyes and now have the context to go "Yo, Dream, what - and I cannot stress this enough -- the FUCK?"

Idk, it was just such a fantastic little extra moment of levity I was reading into the wonderfully somber vibe of some of these moments that is just so fitting for all the characters involved.

Ahhh hello hello! I am SO so glad you liked the fic, I've got a lot of feelings about the "change or die" aspect of Dream, and how that's his tragic flaw is that he either CAN'T change or can only change very slowly! He's set himself in a fixed narrative and, because stories are all he is, he doesn't have the authorial power to change it!

But you know who WOULD? Daniel.

I've made a big point to say that Daniel DOES NOT appear in Here there be dragons, because he doesn't! But there's another reality out there where everything proceeded according to canon, that Dream prepared his elaborate suicide attempt, that Daniel Hall the child became the vessel for Dream of the Endless and meanwhile Morpheus was allowed at last the chance to rest. Leaving behind people who loved him.

And what if Daniel, who was once human, who has a spark of human imagination and free will in him, decided to try and change that? There are countless aspects of Dream of the Endless, of which Daniel is only one, so what's the creation of one more? All that's needed is for someone to dream it hard enough. Say, someone like Hob, grieving his friend? Someone like Death, grieving her brother? Dreams only need a little push to become new stories. Stories very easily become reality.

Daniel doesn't appear in Here there be dragons because Daniel, in another time and another reality, is tapping his fingers together and wondering why the FUCK everything turned out sea monsters, but this is the most successful iteration of Morpheus-merged-with-Dream to date, and so he's just. Not going to poke at it too hard.

(The difference is the satiation of hunger and longing. Being allowed to be monstrous in your wanting. Being encouraged to be too much!)

(In another reality, Desire is HATING this entire thing because the thing that's allowed their least favorite sibling to actually grow and flourish as a creature? Is fulfilling his DESIRES? Is indulging his WANTS and his HUNGERS? What the FUCK, Daniel? Daniel shrugs. I don't know why you're so upset, he says. Look how much happier this other version of Dream is!

I don't care if he's happy, Desire says, I want LEGS again.)

[bookwyrminspiration]

Hi there! (cw for fictional trauma mention, i hope that's ok?)

idk if i'm right or not but you strike me as a psych nerd and who would enjoy thinking about this, so i have a KOTLC thought! my sibling brought up a possible drawback to true photographic memory in that, the human trauma response often includes your brain editing out or even fully forgetting some memory of a trauma out of self-preservation.

(And of course, talking about photographic memory always makes me think of Sophie, because I Am Not Well)

Now in humans, what we usually describe as photographic or edeitic memory is generally related to the ability (natural or trained) to memorize and visualize an object or a page of information and remember it for a short period (and likely won't apply to remembering a traumatic experience), but Sophie has true photographic memory and seems to remember everything she sees. (Without taking into account the book lines like "Sophie had a hard time remembering which Councillor was which without their thrones to look at" as I mark those as honest author error.)

Which means Sophie--and Keefe too, since his photographic memory also seems to reach beyond just memorization--can probably remember their traumas in great detail! Keefe seems to have a very visual memory, but I think Sophie can remember sounds and other sensual input beyond what she sees. Especially considering the fact that emotions can't be removed by a Washer, they probably both relive their trauma so clearly. This is a sad thought and i do not like it :) but I must inflict it on other people.

That being said I hope you're having a good day (at least before i came along)! Thanks for listening :>

Hi! You're right, this is exactly the kind of thing I like to think about. Taking this a step further, elven minds are supposedly fragile when it comes to violence--including just witnessing it. So even though they may have survived the incident itself with their sanity intact, what if merely remembering something they experienced could break them later on? Since it's so vivid, I wonder if it could be similar enough to witnessing something

Going back to your point about self-preservation, I'm curious how this would manifest in them. Because they'd need an instinct to protect themselves if things are too much, but their minds can't function the same way. Does this create a more difficult aftermath where they actively remember their traumas in great detail, or where they're very easily triggered by a lot of things, as they remember more of what happened and therefore more can be tied back to it? But what about when that gets to be too much? Would they just shatter? I feel like they should have some sort of self-preservation ingrained instinct, but what? If it's tied to emotions experienced, could numbness be an option? Definitely for Keefe, but would that work for Sophie?

We could assume forgetfulness for them as well, which could be interesting because for people who remember their lives perfectly it'd be incredibly unsettling to have blank spots. What if they keep going over those spots and dragging back up the memories by force to try and put that unease to rest only to get catastrophically upset by re-exposure to it until their brain shuts it down again and makes them forget, to be repeated again and again until they truly process it? How do they even process it?

Fascinating questions here, but back to your point! yes! they absolutely remember their traumas incredibly vividly, not just visually, but in many senses. and for that I'm glad I'm not them

[chaoticneurodivergent]

Signs that you might have undiagnosed autism

For those who are questioning whether they may/may not be autistic, here is a list of possible signs/symptoms that you could be autistic. I broke them up into categories so they're easier to analyze.

Social:

You find eye contact uncomfortable or painful, or find that eye contact distracts you from conversation and is difficult to maintain

You find that social interaction takes a lot of planning, thought, and effort, and as a result it can be very draining

You've always felt different from other people - you may have thought when you were younger that you were a different species or there was something wrong with you or everyone else

You've often been the target of bullying, teasing, etcetera and you don't know why

You feel like you're not getting something that everyone else is or you're on a different wavelength

You struggle to pick up on social cues or things that are implied, instead relying on direct communication, and you wonder why people have to be so subtle and confusing

You get burned out or tired in social situations quickly

You find yourself memorizing scripts for how to engage in small talk rather than going with the flow and just conversing

People often say that you're rude or disrespectful and you don't understand why

You don't understand why people can't just say what they mean instead of hinting all the time

You struggle to read tone of voice and facial expressions

You often miss sarcasm or jokes that everyone else gets go over your head

You like to talk about facts in conversation rather than people or smalltalk (for example, sharing facts about a topic you're interested in VS. talking about your day)

You've often wondered why you can't fit in

Special Interests:

You often have one particular thing or a few particular things at any given time that you are very interested in, think about constantly, and want to talk about over everything else

People often tell you you're going on and on about the same thing

You are most passionate and happy when you're researching or engaging with an interest of yours (for example, learning about penguins or playing a video game you're interested in)

You want to connect with people over interests rather than traits, and you're drawn to smalltalk about facts rather than emotions or personal stories

When you're interested in something , you involve it in everything else and try to find ways to work it into all aspects of your life, or you get upset when you can't engage with it

Routine/Structure:

You rely on sameness to function - change is very stressful to you

You like to follow a strict routine, either of specific times or specific activities (e.g. I eat a specific brand of chocolate pudding in my specific chair once a day)

People tell you you need to be more flexible

You like to eat the same foods over and over, watch the same movies over and over, or listen to the same song on repeat

Familiarity is more satisfying to you than novelty

Sensory:

You cannot handle loud noises, bright lights, crowds, being touched, or any other high sensory input (it can be any one of these, not necessarily all of them)

You sometimes feel understimulated and seek out deep pressure (weight on you, tight hugs, etc.)

You sometimes feel overloaded with sensory input and need to go into a quiet place alone to calm down

If you can't go to a quiet place during these moments, you may either shut down (have trouble speaking, moving, etc.) or meltdown

You like to "stim" by doing any of the following:

Singing, repeating words over and over,. making noises, or otherwise creating noise (vocal/auditory)

Looking at bright lights or sparkly, bright, shiny, etc. things

Tapping, clapping, hand flapping, wiggling or making motions with your fingers, rubbing or touching something with a nice texture (tactile)

Spinning, jumping, balancing (vestibular)

Putting things in your mouth or chewing on things (oral)

You sometimes don't notice pain / notice you have scratches or bruises and don't know where you got them from (nociceptive hyposensitivity)

Other Common:

You can hear well, but have difficulty interpreting words / processing sound and understanding what people are saying (auditory processing difficulties)

You have synesthesia (sensory crossover - tasting sound, hearing sound, tasting colors, colors for letters and numbers, spatial locations for days of the week or months, there are many types)

You have little empathy and have trouble connecting with others' feelings

Alternatively, you have a lot of empathy, more than the average person, and you feel others' feelings very intensely

You have been diagnosed with ADHD (commonly comorbid + also often misdiagnosed instead of autism, especially in girls)

You have poor coordination, either in gross motor skills, tasks like sports, not bumping into things etc., and fine motor skills, handwriting etc., if this is a particularly significant difficulty for you this may even be dyspraxia or dysgraphia, which have high comorbidity

You have very uneven skills, aka great difficulty in one area with great skill in another

You have difficulty with executive functions - planning, working/short term memory, organization, difficulty starting a task or switching tasks, difficulty following multiple directions (do this then this)

Alternatively, when you get focused on a task you can stay focused on one thing for hours and hours and be so sucked into it you notice nothing else

If you relate to a lot of these, that is definitely not a diagnosis, but you definitely might want to do some research. This is not a diagnostic list in any way. Informed self diagnosis should involve doing a lot of research and spending time in the community to see if you relate and feel like this explains you or this is where you fit in.

Good luck!

[krreader]

loving you is a losing game | the aftermath.

pairing: park jimin x sister!reader ; kim taehyung x actress!reader fandom: bts  warnings: actress!reader ; language genre: angst ; fluff word count: 4k+ previous: x

summary: all that jimin ever wanted to do was protect you. this time, however, he failed you and his best friend, taehyung.

a/n: I told y’all I wouldn’t let you wait this time haha. I’m super glad to see all your feedback though, all your messages were wonderful and I love you all <3

Jimin had left that night when you and Taehyung had broken up. He couldn't bear looking into his eyes, knowing that he caused all this hurt to both you and him.

But when he walked back into the apartment the next day, he quietly sat down next to Taehyung for the first time since he found out about you and him and found Taehyung smiling at him.

Despite that, Jimin could tell that it didn't reach his eyes.

Throughout the next weeks, their relationship got better again. Still, he caught Taehyung stare at his phone so often and whenever the message from that special someone didn't come, he put it down and closed his eyes, visibly disappointed and sad. Jimin never mentioned you to him in those weeks, not knowing how to even bring it all up, but Taehyung didn’t seem like he wanted to talk about you anyway.

Simultaneously, Jimin tried calling you multiple times, but was never able to get a hold of you.

It was only when his mother finally called and told him that you had come home that he decided to drive up to Busan in hopes of mending the relationship with you... if that was even possible at thit point.

You weren't there when he arrived though. 

“Where is she?” he asked his mother as soon as he stepped foot inside the house.

“I don’t know... she went out a few hours ago and hasn’t come back since,” his mother fidgeted with the kitchen towel in her hand, “I’m worried, Jimin.”

Jimin knew were you were. 

Where you always were when you were upset and couldn’t stand being at home.

It was only a 10 minute walk to a secluded area at the beach where him and you used to spend all your childhood at. You often knocked heads with the family and whenever you did, you came here to think. The only one that you ever told about this place was Jimin, the only one in the family that you always knew you could lean onto. 

Funny how times had changed.

And indeed, there you were, sitting in the sand, staring out at the beach, not moving a muscle when he sat down next to you.

That’s a good start, right?

Jimin tried to find the right thing to say, but he couldn't. Nothing made sense when it was all his fault, when he was simply too proud to see you and his best friend dating, thinking that it was somehow wrong.

But what was wrong was you and Taehyung feeling this way because of him. He had only seen Taehyung, but he saw how heartbroken he was. He could only imagine what you must feel like, as Taehyung was the one that broke up with you... for Jimin.

“I looked up to you my entire life, you know? Way before you became an idol, even. Every time someone would ask who I wanted to be when I grew up, I answered Park Jimin. People would laugh, but I didn't care, because you were my biggest hero. You were the one person that always made people happy, were always happy to bring smiles into people’s faces and where always there when I needed you. And I was always so proud to call you my brother,” you turned your head to look at him, him looking right back at you with wide eyes, “Now I wish I didn't even know you.”

“You don't mean that,” he said quietly, but his voice broke nonetheless. 

“I guess it doesn't really matter anymore.”

“It does,” Jimin instantly grabbed your hands, “Please, listen to me. Let me explain why..-”

“BigHit was very kind and introduced me to someone from Marvel. They offered me a role in their newest movie,” you interrupted him mid-sentence.

BigHit? Jimin was taken aback at first, but then his blood instantly started to boil, knowing damn well they did that because they wanted you to leave for Jimin and Taehyung to mend their relationship, even if it meant further breaking that of him and you.

They couldn’t care less about your relationship with Jimin.

“I'm leaving next week and if things go well, I might stay. Being a Hollywood actress surely isn't so bad.”

“(Y/N), listen to me,” he shook his head to get BigHit out of his thoughts, “I just want you to..-”

“No, Jimin,” you got up, him instantly doing the same, “I don't think you realize just how much I meant what I said before.”

“But we're family! Stop saying these things, they don't make sense,” Jimin was a very emotional person. He couldn’t hold back his tears when he realized you were slipping out of his grasp fast. You were still staying strong though, “You're my baby sister. The one I'm always supposed to protect, the one that I can't lose...”

You gulped down hard, knowing the impact of what you said next, “You already have.”

You walked away after that, not being able to see the dispair in his eyes, before he slowly crumbled and started sobbing.

And even though you wanted to be cold, when you walked away, a few tears escaped your eyes, knowing that you just lost the love of your life and brother in a matter of weeks. 

But that was ultimately the reason why you had to leave. The loss of such important people, where everything reminded you of both, you wouldn’t be able to function anymore. So you decided that leaving was the best option.

Your mother must have known about this beforehand, because when Jimin walked back into the house, she instantly opened up her arms for him, her son cradling against her chest and crying into it like he was a young boy again.

“It’s going to be okay... she’ll forgive you,” she whispered into his hair, gently rubbing over his back, “Just give her time. Time and space is what she needs most right now.”

He knew that she was right, but not doing anything and just letting you leave was so fucking hard for him. He ended up staying at his parents the entire week, not knowing what to do with himself otherwise.

And it was only when he came home a week later and you had already left for the US, that he looked right into Taehyung’s eyes and knew he had to be the one to tell him that you were gone.

“Hollywood,” he repeated, a small smile spreading on his face. Jimin couldn’t see his eyes, but he assumed that it didn’t reach them, “She always dreamt of that.”

“Yeah... she did,” Jimin gulped down hard and continued to stare at Taehyung, because he could tell that he wouldn’t hold out for much longer.

And indeed, within seconds, he started sobbing, so hard, that Jimin instantly pulled him into his arms and tried to calm his shaking body best friend down.

And once again, all that Jimin could think was: this is all my fault. I destroyed their lives... their future.

In all these months that you were gone, Jimin didn't give up, even if his mother told him that it was no use. He kept trying to text and call, not caring that you never responded. The only way he could see was through promotional photos from set, through interviews and the only way to really know what was going on with you was when his mother told him about it. 

With each and every day you slipped more and more away from him, until one day he realized that he completely lost you, yet Taehyung was right at his side, holding his hand at a concert and smiling at him, showing him that he was still here... because he chose him.

Taehyung chose him over you.

And as Jimin was looking into his best friend’s eyes, filled with tears, Taehyung instantly knew what he was thinking about... or rather who. 

Not wanting ARMY to catch on, Taehyung pulled him into his arms and held onto him firmly.

“It's my fault,” he whispered into his ear, “We lost her... because of me.”

And unfortunately, he was right.

That night, Jimin and Taehyung sat down together on their balcony at home and talked about the entire thing for the first time... ever.

“How did it start?” Jimin asked.

Taehyung was hesitant at first, but then he started pouring his heart out, seemingly happy that he was finally able to share this story with someone, “It was when we had a concert here years ago. She came to watch it and I was having a really bad day. I locked myself in a room and just cried... or at least I thought I locked the door. She walked in on me having that mental breakdown. And you know her... she worried like crazy,” he let out a laugh, “She always worried about me. Right from the start.”

“She got that from our mom,” he said with a small smile.

“She stayed with me that day until I stopped crying, held my hand and told me that things would get better again. And the next day, she texted me this entire paragraph about how good I was doing and how proud she was, not just of me, but of the band. I felt... really bad about her worrying so much over me, so I asked her if she wanted to have dinner with me. She agreed, but then we couldn't agree on a restaurant and ended up eating Ramen at the Han. We talked all night long... just talked...”

Jimin listened tentatively, but his eyes became sadder within each second again, especially when he saw how much this still affected Taehyung. The more he talked about you, the more his eyes lit up, but then that flame quickly disappeared again when he realized this was all in the past.

“We did that once a week, then. Just meeting up to talk. We did nothing else for four months. And then one day I looked at her and I realized that I had fallen for her... without me even having noticed it. It just hit me right in the face. Like... wow. I really love that girl, you know?”

“Did you tell her?”

“Couldn't. I felt really bad for even having these feelings. Because... you know,” he looked at Jimin, but he didn't say that it was because of him, “I hid it for months until she called me one night, completely drunk and asked me to pick her up. I did, drove her home, got her into bed and that's when she began crying, poured her heart out and told me that she had fallen in love with me, but hated herself for it, because she knew that loving me would hurt you. And she couldn't hurt you, not when you meant the world to her.”

Great, he thought this couldn't get any worse.

“We put the cards out on the table a week later and realized that we only had two options. End it before it even began or try and keep it a secret so that you wouldn't get affected by it. We picked the second option and promised to not tell you until we warmed you up to the idea. But... that obviously hadn’t worked out.”

Jimin gulped down his drink in one go, swirled it around in his mouth for a moment, then quietly said after a moment: “Why'd you choose me when you loved her so much?”

A question that he had always wondered about.

“I thought it was the right decision.”

“You thought?”

Taehyung looked up at the stars, “You did so much for me in the past... I wouldn’t be here as the person that I am if it hadn’t been for you. So at the time, it made sense. But now that I see my empty future... I see that I fucked up. Because she was my future.”

Jimin didn't reply, just lowered his head in shame.

“I even bought her a ring, you know?” Taehyung laughed, though only to hide the hurt, “But that's on me that I didn't give it to her. I thought I still had time.”

“Maybe you do.”

Taehyung looked at his best friend, the sad smile back on his face, “It’s easier to forgive a brother than it is to forgive someone like me. And I can’t even blame her,” he pulled out the ring from his pocket, a beautiful ring that looked a lot like an engagement ring, but Jimin didn’t ask any further questions, “I’d pick her any day now over everything and everyone. But I don’t have that chance anymore. So all I hope for now is that you and her will be happy again.”

Jimin sighed deeply, “If I could turn back time, I would. I would do things differently, give you my blessing and tell you that I'm happy for you.”

Taehyung just leaned back, still playing with the ring as he continued to look up at the stars, “I know you would.”

You had successfully avoided your family for a while now, always putting your career first and not looking at anything other than. Your parents were often angry, up until you literally flew them out because there was no way you’d step foot into Korea again so soon.

But while you were now one of Hollywood’s upcoming actresses due to your hard work, your oldest brother had found love and was getting married. And well... this one, you couldn't get out of.

“Thanks for coming,” your brother hugged you when you finally arrived at the venue, “I missed you so much.”

“I missed you too,” you smiled, “And I'm so happy for you. I can't wait to finally get to meet the lucky woman.”

“Ha, you're just saying that, you'll tell embarrassing stories about me the moment that you meet her.”

You just wiggled your eyebrows, then smiled even brighter when you heard your mother let out a loud squeal and pull you into her arms, your father hugging both of you, not wanting to wait any longer for his daughter to be in his arms.

“Finally, my beautiful daughter,” she leaned back a little, tears in her eyes, making you and your brother chuckle.

“Mom, you're not supposed to cry yet.”

“Ah, stop it,” she hit your brother and then turned him around, “What are you even doing here, you need to get ready. I'll help you. And you? Don't run off, alright? I want to spend some time with my daughter.”

“I won't,” you chuckled and watched them disappear, your father just following them with a chuckle.

And of course, there was one person missing in the mix. Should have known that he’d show up sooner, rather than later.

“You look beautiful,” the voice made you take in a deep breath, then let it out once you were looking at him.

He wasn't the confident man that you once know standing there. He was unsure, nervous, sad, but at the same time, happy to see you.

“Thank you.”

“I wasn't sure whether or not you'd come. If I had known..-”

“Don't be ridiculous, you're his brother too.”

“I wasn't talking about me.”

A second later, Bangtan joined him, Taehyung immediately stopping when he saw you.

After all this time, you thought that you were over it. You thought that if you were to ever see him again, you’d just keep your cool, smile and be graceful about it, but your heart seemed to break all over again.

If it hadn’t been for Jeongguk, you maybe even would have started to cry as all the memories were flooding back in. Especially the ones about the break-up. 

“I saw your movie,” Jeongguk beamed, “You were so cool!”

“Thanks,” you shook your head a little, now focusing on the youngest member so that you didn’t have to look at either Taehyung, nor Jimin anymore, “I should.. probably go inside and say hello to everyone.”

Jimin took a step forward, his hand reaching out, but then he quickly dropped it, just like his shoulders did.

None of them were affected by you, only Jimin and Taehyung. Both of them were left standing there, even though the others followed you inside.

Taehyung was the first to speak: “I shouldn't be here. I'll only make her uncomfortable.”

“No, please. Please, stay.”

It was the desperation in his eyes that made Taehyung nod, ultimately.

Still, he didn't feel like he belonged here anymore. Not when he broke your heart and ruined so much in your family.

And throughout the entire wedding, he couldn't focus on anything but you. And as if you could feel his eyes burning into the back of your head, he often found you turn around to look at him, Taehyung quickly averting his gaze to look somewhere else instead.

On a more positive note, the celebration was beautiful, your brother's wife was glowing and he was the happiest you had ever seen him. Even if you had wanted to leave early... you couldn't. You had missed this, missed him, missed your mother and father, missed the memories all these three brought you.

And if you were being honest... you even missed Jimin. 

A conversation that you had with your mother a while ago came back:

“He visits a lot these days, you know? Jimin, I mean. He always goes up to your room and makes sure that it’s cleaned... just in case you’re coming back anytime soon.”

“I won’t,” you said plainly.

You heard your mother sigh on the other end of the phone, “You know, (Y/N), I will never presume to know what it must have felt like, your brother doing this to you and your partner betraying you like this. But do you want it to be like this for the rest of your life? Do you want to hate Jimin forever?”

“I don’t hate Jimin,” you hadn’t even thought about it, were even surprised when you said it, “I just.. don’t know how to forgive him.”

“You won’t know until you talk to him again, my love. You can ignore him for the next years to come, but you won’t come any closer to forgiving him. So if that is truly what you want... then talk to him.”

And so after you gulped down your champagne and took a deep breath, you walked outside and joined your brother that was standing on his own.

“So, you'll be the next to get married?” Jimin was so surprised when you started to talking to him as he was getting some fresh air outside, but you didn’t look angry. Maybe unsure of how to talk to him, but not hostile.

“What? With whom?” he laughed nervously, “I haven’t had a girlfriend in years.”

“Ah, I'm sure mom has a few girls that she's eyeing. What was that one girl’s name... the daughter of the baker.”

“Please, don't. I still have trauma from that awkward date that she forced on me,” you both snorted and suddenly the atmosphere between you felt like what it once was. And Jimin hated to ruin it, but he had to know: “Are you okay? I mean.. we haven't talked in a long time and I only hear what mom tells me.”

“You know how it is when your career is at its peek. A lot of stress, but a lot of rewards too.”

“I wasn't talking about your career, I was talking about you.”

You pondered over your next words for a moment, then you said: “I had a lot of time to think about everything. About my life,” you began to smile, even if only just a little bit, “I don’t know when I’ll be able to look at you and not feel hurt. But... when I look at you now, I also realize that I’ve missed you. And if my heart tells me that, then I can’t really hate you, right? So I would like to... I don’t know. Talk. A little. Maybe.”

And his entire stance changed instantly. His shoulder slumped, he began taking in a sharp breath of air and he was on the verge of tears.

“No, don't cry,” you shook your head, even let out a little laugh, “I’m just saying that I’d like to try again. You’re my big brother and... mom is right. I don’t want to spend my life trying to hate someone that I still love. Deep down.”

“I'd like that,” he said, pressing his fingers into his eyes when he couldn’t control the tears anymore.

You just smirked.

The wedding was slowly dissolving. The first guests had left hours ago and now it was only the family left, but even those were beginning to say their goodbye’s.

At a table, Bangtan was sitting with your brother, laughing wholeheartedly.

But one person was missing.

You walked back into the room where your brother and his wife had gotten married and found him standing at the altar, staring at it.

It was hard for you to come up with something to say, so you just waited until he finally noticed that you were here.

“Always thought I’d see you in a hall like this with a wedding dress on while you’re walking towards me, you know?” Taehyung said with a sad smile.

“It probably would have been like that if you hadn’t chosen my brother that night,” you approached him, to Taehyung’s surprise.

“Yeah, I don’t think he looks as pretty as you would in a wedding dress.”

This caught you off-guard. So much, that you actually began to laugh.

He always knew how to break the ice.

“Did you know that he used to wear mom’s dresses and play teaparty with me when we were kids? I thought he looked really pretty.”

“That’s very valuable information that I will bring up at the right time, thank you very much.”

Given your uncomfortable and awkward hello earlier, he hadn’t expected you to talk so casually with each other, but... maybe time healed some wounds.

Taehyung wanted to take a step forward to be closer to you, but he wasn’t sure if you were okay with that, so he just stayed right there.

“I regret it every single moment of my life, you know? Every waking moment I think of you and hate myself for what I did to you. For what I did to us.”

You didn’t reply, just gulped down the clump in your throat.

“If only I had made the right choice that day... if only I had tried to convince Jimin that I was good for you and that you would be safe with me... then maybe it would have been us standing here today.”

In regards to Taehyung, you also had a lot of time to think. Whereas you always just felt hurt in the beginning, you tried to put yourself in his shoes eventually.

What if it had been Taehyung’s sister that objected so much to your relationship that you knew it was either her, your best friend, or Taehyung? Would you have picked him and thrown away a year-long friendship?

Would you have picked him over the girl that knew your deepest and darkest secrets? That walked through hell and back for you? That loved you unconditionally and would forever, no matter what?

The answer to this question was the reason that you were the one to take a step towards Taehyung.

“But it is you and me standing here today.”

His breathing got uneven, even more so when you took another step towards him.

“How can I fix this, (Y/N)?” he whispered, “I’ll do anything... I swear, anything.”

You reached out until your hand cupped his cheek, your thumb brushing over the softness of his skin, “I don’t know how long it would take...”

Taehyung wrapped his hand around your wrist, making sure that you didn’t pull back.

“You have my life, (Y/N). I don’t care how long it takes, I will do anything to convince you that I’m not making the same mistake twice.”

It wouldn’t be easy, forgiving him, nor Jimin was something that you could do in a matter of minutes. But you wanted to try, so that your heart could finally get rid of all the hurt and hate.

So you wrapped your arms around him and hugged him, breathing in the scent that instantly brought back memories, but this time, all the good ones.

And so you smiled, Taehyung pulling you closer and burying his face into your neck.

“I’m so sorry, beautiful.”

And while the two of you were standing at the altar, hugging, Jimin was standing in the entryway with a smile and let out a happy sigh.

“Please be happy together... because I love you both so much.”

[drarrily-we-row-along]

Day 5: Possessiveness

Draco had a lot of toxic traits, or so he'd been told. He'd dated enough men in the past five years to know that not much of his personality was what people were looking for in an ideal partner.

Two months ago, he had started dating Harry Potter. Yes. The Harry Potter. And he was quite determined to put all of the information about the unappealing parts of himself that he'd garnered from previous partners to good use. Harry was the best thing that had ever happened to him and he wasn't going to mess it up, thank you very much.

This was how he found himself, on his twenty-fourth birthday, telling his boyfriend that it was fine for him to miss his dinner party.

"Babe, I'm really sorry," Harry murmured, running his hand through his hair. "I know tonight is important-"

"Stop," Draco said, turning from the mirror he was using to watch himself finish his skin care routine, and leaning in to press a kiss to Harry's nose. "I can only be so gracious about it," he added.

Harry huffed a laugh.

"Just go," Draco said. "I know it's important."

"I could quit," Harry offered for the third time and something about that thought made the corner of Draco's lips turn up. "Sometimes I think this whole working for the Ministry thing isn't working out anyway."

"Go," Draco said, swatting him lightly with his towel. "It's okay."

"It's not," Harry replied.

It wasn't. His boyfriend missing his birthday dinner really sucked and Draco honestly felt quite bitter about it but Harry would never need to know that. "Go," he said again. "Then you can come back."

He felt quite proud that at this moment, he was keeping several of his toxic traits to himself. He'd kept the neediness at bay, kept the whinging at bay, kept the bitchiness at bay, and kept the possessiveness at bay.

Harry leaned in and gave him a kiss, wrapping his arms around Draco's waist, "What have I possibly done to deserve you?" he asked, and he said it so sincerely that Draco couldn't help but believe that he meant it even though there was no logical reason for him to. "I'll try to get back soon."

"What more could I ask for?" Draco asked, even as every part of him want to demand, and argue, and beg that Harry stay with him.

(More below the cut)

"A good deal, I'd imagine," Harry said wryly. "I know my work is a lot-"

"Yes," Draco agreed, "But you were very upfront about it when we started dating. It's not as though I didn't know something like this could happen."

Harry pressed a kiss to his forehead, "You're an angel. I will see you as soon as I possibly can slip away from this stupid function."

He gave him a little smile, "Best be on your way savior," he murmured.

With one last kiss Harry stepped into the fireplace and flooed to the ministry.

Draco counted to five before he let the displeasure he was feeling show on his face. He slumped back over to the mirror to look at himself. He was only able to wallow in self pity for a few minutes before there was a knock at the door.

He smoothed his features, you never could be sure who would come knocking at Harry's bedroom door in grimmauld place, it seemed like there was no end to the number of friends who simply made themselves at home here. "Come in," he called, keeping his voice chipper.

"Everyone decent?" Pansy said as she opened the door, carrying two flutes of champagne with her.

"It's just me," Draco replied, trying not to sound forlorn.

"Oh good," Pansy replied, nudging the door closed behind her and plopping down on the sofa. "And here I thought I was going to have to fight Potter to give me a few minutes alone with you. Where is he? Fetching you some cake?"

"Hardly."

"New shoes?"

He sighed, "He had to go to work."

"What?" she all but shrieked. "You tell me where he is right now and I will go and tell him-"

"I told him to go," he interrupted.

"But-"

"No," he said with a shake of the head. "No buts, Pans. I really like him and I'm not going to mess it up. Just," he sighed, "leave it, alright?"

Pansy gave him a pitying look, but thankfully let it drop.

---------

It was nearly midnight by the time the floo flared and Harry stepped back through. Part of Draco had wished that he'd just gone to bed before the other man got home so he didn't have to pretend that everything was fine.

"Hey," Harry said, making his way over to where Draco was on the couch. He sounded exhausted.

"Hi," Draco replied.

Harry leaned down and pressed a kiss to Draco's temple before sitting down next to him, "How was the party?"

"Fine," Draco replied. "Good."

Frowning, Harry groaned. "You're upset," he said. "I knew it. I'm so sorry, Draco-"

"No," he said, shaking his head. "It's fine. It's really-"

"It's not." Harry turned so he was facing Draco but Draco couldn't bring himself to look back. "I'm sorry, babe. This is all my fault, I should have told them no about that bloody fundraiser."

"Yes," Draco said sarcastically. "That would have gone over well, 'Sorry, I can't come to do a fundraiser for children orphaned during the war. It's my death eater boyfriend's birthday and he's a whiny, possessive bitch."

"I would never say that about you. I would never even think that about you!" Harry protested.

"I'm just saying, Harry, that you are their savior. And I am just your boyfriend."

He ran his fingers through his hair, tugging on the ends, "I don't want to be," he finally burst.

Draco paused, unsure what to say to that. Eventually, he settled on a careful, "Sorry?" Hoping against all odds that Harry wasn't about to break up with him.

"I don't want to be anybody's savior," Harry whispered. "I don't want to be the bloke who saved the world. I don't want to be a war hero. Most of the time I think I don't even want to be an auror; it's just what was expected."

"What do you want to be?" he asked carefully.

"Your's," Harry said, shrugging helplessly.

And the little monster that lived inside of Draco that told him to take, and claim, and hold, and all but smother his partners, raised its ugly little head.

"Sorry," Harry apologized, rubbing his hands over his face and not looking at Draco. "I know it's only been two months and it's a ridiculous thing to say but the only time I feel like me is when I'm with you."

Draco just stared at him, unable to speak, hardly able to even process what he was saying.

"I feel like I'm just Harry when I'm with you and I wish that instead of people thinking 'oh, that's Harry Potter, savior of the world,' that they'd think, 'oh, that's Harry Potter, he was clever enough to trick Draco Malfoy into wanting to be with him.'"

"What?" he whispered.

"Sorry," Harry apologized again, trying to backpedal. "I know, I'm making a mess of everything like always. I've jumped in too fast, and I'm too emotional, and I'm not what anyone thinks I should-"

"Harry," Draco said, finally looking at him, really looking at him. He looked as shattered as Draco felt. "Harry," he whispered again. "You are perfect."

"That's what I'm trying to tell you," Harry said, "I'm not-"

"I hear you," Draco said, hoping that he could convey his meaning and sincerity. "I mean that you are perfect, in all of your faults and flaws. In your sarcasm and the petty things you say about your coworkers, in your ranting and raving about our justice system, in the moments that you choose something you deem selfish like sleeping for an extra hour when you think you should be out doing more, in jumping in too fast and being too emotional, in all that you are, you are perfect."

"Draco," Harry breathed as though he couldn't believe what Draco was saying to him.

"You're not the one tricking me, Harry," he whispered, the confession making his heart ache. "I'm the one tricking you. I'm selfish and whiny. I'm petty and vindictive, and I want you all to myself all of the time. I-"

"Draco, I like those things about you," Harry said. "That little pout you get when I'm about to leave, the way you hold me just a little bit tighter when I tell you that I'm going to have to go soon. The petty little plans you have to inconvenience people at my job when they've annoyed me. And the way you're always putting your arm around me or holding my hand when we're in public, like you're so proud to be with me, like you're ready to fight off a slew of attackers at any moment."

"Admirers, more likely," Draco grumbled.

"I like that," Harry said. "I like your possessiveness."

"Really?"

He nodded and reached over to tuck a strand of hair behind Draco's ear. "Draco, can I be honest?" he asked.

"Always."

"I think I'm in love with you," he said. "And I know it's fast; you don't have to say it back or anything. I know that I-"

"I love you, too." Draco replied before another word could spill from the other man's mouth. "I love you, Harry."

Harry blinked at him, "Really?" he whispered.

Draco nodded and leaned in to give him a soft, short kiss. When he pulled back Harry stared at him with something akin to wonder on his face.

"Please never miss one of my birthdays again," Draco murmured.

Harry pulled him over until Draco was cradled in his arms, "Never," he promised. "Please stop hiding yourself from me," he asked in return.

"Same goes for you."

"Okay," Harry breathed.

And Draco thought this was the first step for both of them in becoming who they were meant to be.

Day 4: Jealousy | Day 6: Proposal

[young-dumb-and-vaccinated]

The Cult Girl (Hannibal x Female!Reader) pt. 13

Hello friends we have come to the end of Cult Girl. Thank you all for hyping me up throughout this story and giving me the confidence to actually post my work. Y/n and Hannibal throw a dinner party.

The sunlight streamed in through the window, illuminating the entire kitchen in that homey mid-morning glow. You were enjoying your coffee and scrolling through an article on your phone.

"Senator Hatch reportedly coughed up his late wife's toe on the floor of the precinct." You read out loud. "Huh. Wonder how that could have happened."

You side-eyed Hannibal, who was contentedly sharpening his knives. Placing a rather large meat cleaver to the side, he met your gaze. "I have my ways."

You finished off your coffee and brought the mug to the sink. "There was no way Theresa was going to survive that night, was there?"

"Clever girl." Hannibal praised.

"You were going to kill her if I didn't, were you?" You felt a smile coming on. "Did everything turn out as expected?"

"Darling, this all went much better than I could have ever hoped for." He smirked. "See, I had the whole evening mapped out. I was hoping you'd be the one to deliver justice and kill her, but I had to prepare for the possibility that you wouldn't."

You folded your arms and leaned against the island. "Is that why I was so sick that day?"

You could have sworn you saw some hesitation in Hannibal's face. Maybe even a touch of regret. "Yes. You needed an alibi. It was as easy as removing a single birth control pill from your packet. You'd see it was missing and think you'd already taken your medicine-"

"So I'd neglect to take my focus meds." You cut in. "Yeah, I knew something was off."

"By the end of the day, you'd be experiencing full withdrawal symptoms." Hannibal nodded. "I don't take any pleasure in upsetting the delicate balance of your brain chemistry, and for that I am sorry. I did what I had to."

"Yeah, don't ever do that again." You ordered, no disarming smile in sight. "I need those meds to function."

"I promise you, darling," Hannibal said, sincerely. "I would never keep you from being anything but your very best. I was just looking after you."

"I suppose now that all this is out in the open, you won't need to pull any shit like that again." You muttered. "But I'm still going to keep my pills at my apartment."

"That reminds me." He said. "Would you like to invite your roommates for dinner tonight? I've prepared a wonderful Spanish-inspired menu that's perfect for entertaining."

"I'd love for you to meet my friends, but, they all keep such weird hours I doubt they'll all be free tonight." You shrugged. "I'll give them a call though."

"Wonderful." He smiled. "You make arrangements while I prepare the kitchen."

You stepped into the office and called up Pilar. She answered within the minute.

"[F/N]!" She near shouted. "Holy fuck, how are you doing?"

"I'm actually doing..." you looked back into the kitchen, watching your beloved Hannibal in his element. "Really well."

"I heard about your cousin." Pilar cut in. "One down, two to go."

You snorted. "No fucking shit."

"Sorry, was that okay for me to say?" She apologized. "I know you said Theresa was a bitch, but it's your trauma and I-"

"No, you're fine." You laughed. "She was a bitch. Hey, do you have any plans tonight?"

"Uh, no. I don't think so." She answered. "Why?"

"Hannibal wants to invite you all for dinner tonight." You said with an audible smile. "Y'know, to celebrate the bitch's death."

"Yo! Steph!" Pilar shouted across the room. "Wake Randy up! We're having dinner at [F/N]'s rich boyfriend's house!"

You could make out Stephanie's voice in the background. "It's about damn time. We've been waiting for her to redistribute the wealth."

"She means thank you for the invitation." Pilar corrected.

"It's not like I had to twist his arm or anything. It was his idea." You chuckled. "He loves having guests. And excuses to dress up."

"Oh so we're getting fancy, huh?" Pilar's voice turned up in excitement.

"Hey [F/N]!" Randy snatched the phone from Pilar. "Text me the menu for tonight. My girlfriend'll steal a nice bottle of wine to pair. She's a pro, she works over at Cavatappi's wine and spirits."

"Much obliged, Randy." You said. "I'll see you guys at seven."

You returned to the kitchen with a smile. "They're coming."

"Well, we don’t have a moment to lose, then." Hannibal placed something wrapped in butcher paper on the counter. "Come now. Let me show you how to properly prepare a heart.

You and Hannibal spent the rest of the morning and the whole afternoon preparing a bountiful meal. You reveled in the irony of finally finding a space for Theresa in your life. That space just so happened to be on the stove.

Seven came far too quickly, but your friends were always a welcome sight. You greeted them at the door with hugs, Hannibal watching with stoic adoration.

"Guys, this is Hannibal Lecter, my partner." You introduced. "Hannibal, this is Pilar, Stephanie and Miranda."

"It is a pleasure to meet you, ladies." Hannibal greeted. “Please, make yourselves comfortable.”

"Here you go, Dr. Lecter." Randy handed him a bottle of wine. "Thank you for inviting us."

Hannibal examined the bottle. "Yes, this will pair quite nicely with our meal. Thank you very much. [F/N], could you show our guests to the dining room?"

You nodded and accepted the bottle, given the extra responsibility of pouring. You led your friends to the dining room and wasted no time distributing the alcohol.

"A toast." Stephanie rose her glass. "Too many of history's worst have had the privilege of dying on their own terms. Today, we celebrate the death of one who didn't: Theresa [L/N]."

"She will join her sisters Nancy Reagan and Madame Nhu in hell tonight." You concurred, tapping your glasses together with a series of satisfying clinks.

"Okay, you need to spill." Randy scooted her chair up and leaned towards you. "How the hell did you get away with it?"

"Well, it helped a lot that her husband was already a felon." You teased. "If I didn't kill her, he was going to eventually."

Pilar made a face. "I can't believe it took actual murder to get that latter-day lump thrown in prison."

"Well, the LDS church is a very influential organization with a stronghold on all of Utah." You explained. "There's a long history of legitimizing sex abuse there."

"We know, cult girl." Stephanie laughed. "You remind us every time your pedophile cousin-in-law comes up. Relax and take your victories where you can get them.” 

“Ladies,” Hannibal entered. You rushed to his side to help him with the dinner plates. “Have we ever tried organ meat before?” 

Everyone’s eyes found Pilar. 

“Braised liver is delicious and you guys are just cowards.” Pilar protested. “I will die on this hill.” 

Hannibal smiled and presented your friends with their plates. “You are a woman of good tastes, Pilar. Our first course is Riñones al Jerez.” 

“Kidneys.” Randy translated. “Who’s kidneys are we eating today, Dr. Lecter?” 

He tilted his head. “Theresa’s, of course.” 

“I don’t care whose organs you harvested.” Stephanie said, her eyes rolling back into her head. “This is delicious.” 

You and Hannibal shared a glance and a smile. 

You and your roommates devoured the Riñones al Jerez, then dug into the next serving of heart stewed with chickpeas and olives. You finished off the evening with natillas de leche and a bottle of Sauternes Hannibal just happened to have lying around. 

“This is the first time since like, Keith Raniere got sentenced that I’ve seen [F/N] happy-drunk.” Stephanie observed.

“Or even just... happy." Pilar said, looking at Hannibal. "I'll have some of whatever she's having, please."

"My pleasure." Hannibal poured her another glass of wine.

Your phone began to buzz on the table, capturing the attention of your guests. You didn't even need to look at the caller ID to know who it was. Nobody else in the world had such horrid timing.

"Shit, you've got to answer it here!" Stephanie pleaded. "So we can all give her a piece of our mind!"

You looked over to Hannibal, who you knew was just as curious.

You dragged the answer icon across the screen and put it on speaker. You gestured for your friends to be quiet. "Yeah?"

"Well look who finally decided to pick up." Grandma said. "Thank you for gracing me with your attention. I know you have so much going on right now, you're just too busy to pick up the phone and talk to your grieving grandmother."

"For your information..." you stumbled over your words. "I was interrogated by the police yesterday. I think that counts as having something going on."

"Are you drunk?" Her voice was laced with a disproportionate level of disgust.

"I'm grieving too, Beatrice." You counter. "What, suddenly you're the only one who can drink the pain away? That's not very democratic of you."

"In your state, you shouldn't even be thinking of alcohol!" Grandma scolded. "You of all people should know the effects alcohol has on an unborn baby."

You smacked yourself on the head. Of course Theresa would plant a seed to fuck you over one last time. "Did Theresa actually tell you I was pregnant?"

"It was her last message to me, actually. Anyway, you're coming home." Grandma said, without so much as waiting for a response. "I won't have my great grandchild living in that dangerous city that your cousin was killed in."

You exchanged looks with your friends, who were going through the same combination of emotions as you were. Grandma's words just seemed to fade out as you shared an entire nonverbal conversation with the people around you.

"And you're leaving that terrible, terrible man."

Hannibal raised an eyebrow and looked at you, waiting to see how you'd respond. You knew what you had to do. It was finally time. You did something you should have done a long time ago.

"No." You said, your nerves loosened by the wine.

"What?"

"No. And I mean it." A big smile crossed your lips. "Theresa lied to you. I'm not pregnant. And you have to live with the fact that your granddaughter's last words to you were a blatant lie."

Hannibal looked at you with pride and your friends began to silently gas you up with encouraging gestures. "

"...And that you're the only one to blame for her deception." You continued. "You raised her in your own image."

"This is why I refuse to let you raise my great grandchild with that man!" She wailed. "He's twisted your mind against me! He's made you cruel!"

"Hannibal made me see clearly that you made me cruel." You said with absolute certainty. "You'll never see me again."

"Don't be like your mother, [F/N]." Grandma snarled. "Don't cut people out for trying to help."

"You'll never see me again." You repeated and decided to leave it at that. You ended the call and blocked the number, joined by an eruption of excitement from your friends.

It was finally over. Your life could truly begin.

[funkymbtifiction]

Hi! Do you think that certain enneagram descriptions are influenced by certain instinctual variants? I just read a post of yours where you mentioned that you didn't think you were a 6 initially because the 6 descriptions were more sp-based. I was curious if you think there could be merit to that idea in any other enneagram type descriptions?

Another q... I was reading a book on the enneagram and how to take care of yourself based on your type, and the 9 insights/tips resonated a lot with me, even though I currently think I'm a 2. I definitely related to the 2 insights/tips, but I was very surprised at how seen/called out (in a good way!) I felt when reading about 9s. It got me thinking though... I know I'm in a grip, and around the time you helped me to realize this I was also more aware of how "9-like" I am in addition to the 2 I always thought I was. So I wonder (and this is not a very fleshed out thought) if there is possibly some kind of situation in which the different prioritizations of functions in one's stack - looping/gripping/healthy - could possibly have some connection to tritype and what one may lean into in times of stress, uncertainty, happiness, etc. Would you happen to have any thoughts/opinions on that?

Thanks :)

I think it's more that a lot of descriptions are slanted toward particular personality types -- I didn't think I could be an sp6 at first because of how ISJ-ish the descriptions are; I'm an inferior Si, so I worry abstractly and rarely prepare for anything in advance, other than to strategize about it, because I don't have enough Judger in me to actually think through the details of stocking the pantry for the zombie apocalypse. I fixate on problems as they happen, and react to them like an ENFP -- over-thinking, looking into the future of how this might unfold, and worrying about it. I eventually realized I am an sp-dom because my worried fixations are more about sp-concerns (health, feeling good, having my cats well and not sick, and having enough money to avoid taking on a second job I don't want, in a high Fi way ;) than about my reputation or connecting to others.

That being said, yes, some of the overall descriptions are more based in one instinct than the rest. 5 descriptions, for example, are sp-slanted (avarice and strict guarding of my boundaries/minimizing my contact with others or the outside world); social 5s are more outgoing and willing to connect, and sexual 5s find a fascinating hook that is "somewhat alien" to attract people. 2 descriptions are primarily sp2 (I will do everything for you). Some 8 descriptions lean social (protecting others). A lot of 7 descriptions lean social, along with 9. And 3 descriptions are also slanted social, etc.

In your situation, relating to other types is normal, but one of them is always going to be your core coping mechanism and inner process. It's possible you are 2 with a 9 fix, and it's possible you are a 9 with a 2 fix. The difference is whether you proactively and aggressively move toward people like a 2 (seeking people who need to be loved by you) or whether you are more passive in your engagement with others and only move toward them a little while staying in your own world of minimal upsets like a 9. Generally, feeling 'comforted' by what you read about a type means it's not your core type, because there's always an element of being 'exposed' when you read about your true type's motivations. 2s are often appalled, angry, and in denial when they read that a 2 is only being helpful as a way to earn outside acceptance and approval. Or that they don't want you not to need them, because not being needed makes them unimportant.

The ego-structure of the 2 is that they see themselves as selfless, because they feel like they have no other choice; to not be helpful, or selfless, or think well of people, etc., is to face an enormous guilt-trip. As a superego type, their inner voice demands that they do these things and never receive anything in return, even if they want it. So the 2 finds it easy to 'give' and hard to 'receive.' "Oh no, don't send me anything for my birthday," they insist, while wanting someone to do exactly that, and also thinking: "I am the giver around here." See, being a receiver means you need somebody else, and if a 2 wraps up their entire identity in being the one who is needed (which makes them a little higher than other people, since they are needed, but do not "need" in return)... they don't want the humility of needing others.

The "oh no, I don't need anything" pride of 2 is very different from the inner process of a 9 who doesn't think themselves worthy to take up space or to receive. It's all about the mental approach: pride or self-erasing. All of that to say, if you have 9 in your tritype, you will relate to some of the advice for 9s. But your core is still mainly who you are.

If you are, for example, a 269, you're going to use all the strategies of that -- giving like a 2 and always going after people, but over-thinking and worrying like a 6, and avoiding conflict like a 9.

I know a woman of this type. At least, I know she is a 2, has 6, and has 9, and the lower order of the fixes doesn't matter much. In a 2 way, she fills her letters with accounts of everything she has done of late to make other people happy and/or how she has been generous to them (a little humble-bragging in the realm of 2). She also talks at length about her relationships and comes across as extremely emotional (as 2s are) -- crying at the drop of a hat. She also confesses to being a "worrier" (6) and there's this constant push-pull in her between "I want you to see me in a 2 way and think I am a good person" and the 6-ness if fearing rejection and not being good enough (what I do in other ways might get rejected; I know you like me for being generous, but maybe my writing isn't good enough...), and the 9-ness of wanting to be seen but not seen at the same time, and minimizing herself in various ways that aren't connected to her being generous.

I sent her The Road Back to You, and told her to read the 2 section and... never heard anything back about it. I have noticed an interesting pattern about that, actually. Whenever a 2 finds themselves exposed like that, they don't like it and pull back from it out of shame, and whenever a 9 doesn't want to talk about something, they ignore it and pretend you never mentioned it, to avoid making themselves uncomfortable. So of course, she never brought it up again. ;) 2-9 in particular doesn't want to see anything negative in themselves or in what they are doing.

If you read the 9 stuff and think, "Wow I feel so good about being a 9," you are probably seeing 9 through the lens of being a 2 and focusing on the positive aspects of it, rather than feeling the shame of sacrificing your identity to merge with other people. You can also choose to ignore your fixes to some extent without being imbalanced but you can't do that to your core. (Eg: 2 fix -- oh, I actually don't have to help you or feel bad if I don't, because this advice says it's none of my business, so I won't! 2 core: I would feel sooooo bad for not filling your need!!!)

[furiousgoldfish]

Personal post about trauma under the cut, extremely upsetting content, do not read if you had narcissistic parents and don't wanna get triggered, I am very sad and mad and it's hard to talk about this. TW child labor, child torture, brainwashing, death threats, narcissistic abuse.

*

I was a hardworking child, I was happy and excited to work, I wanted to be a part of everything that's being done. I noticed work warranted for people to get respect, food, praise, acceptance, and I wanted to work hard so I too would be a part of that. My family lived in a rural area, they kept animals, grew fields of crops, were always in some sort of construction work, so me always being eager to work was pretty much ideal for them, or you'd think that it was. You'd think that.

I was working eagerly and I realized, that unlike for adults, I don't get respect, praise, acceptance, or sometimes even food. It was for some reason denied to me only. And I was still happy to work because I chased that feeling of personal accomplishment, even if there was no rewards. And again, you'd think this is perfectly convenient and ideal to parents who wanted free labour and to give no recognition or praise in return. You'd think that.

But it wasn't enough for them. Father got this idea to take me out to work with him alone, away from home. I remember the place we went to, only as a place I need burned down to the ground before I could breathe again. It was a demolition-construction of a house, and I don't remember how many time I've been there. All I know is, after first few times, I no longer wanted to go. I begged not to go.

I am guessing my father could not bear the looks of me working happily, or even working silently. Me doing everything I was told was not fun enough for him– so he would give me false instructions. As an easy setup for punishment. I did exactly what I was told, and would get screamed at and beaten up. Then forced to keep working in tears, shaking, terrified, injured, while being further berated. And that was only the start.

Even as a child, I was diligent and responsible about doing work, and I know I was getting things done just fine, because, I was doing the sibling's share of chores too. If siblings were called to work, they would simply mess up on purpose so I would be told to repeat it after them, correctly. Sometimes siblings would have me do it and take the credit, which I didn't mind because working made me feel better about myself. It made me feel useful. My mind was already dissociated from my body to the point where I no longer felt exhaustion, pain, strain, or any physical effect work was having on me. I would get berated and shamed if I showed signs of being tired or strained. So my body disregarded it all.

And yeah, that wasn't enough either. I was still sometimes feeling okay. If I was allowed to work alone, and let my mind wonder, if nobody commented on it I knew it was okay.

So this is where they decided to take a step further and disallow me to feel okay at any point. I was humiliated while working to the point of tears. I'd be ridiculed in front of guests. I could no longer enjoy my own thoughts, but constant criticism, insults, accusations and humiliation was raining down on me at every step. And when I was done, with tremendous effort it took to endure this, I would be told 'It would have been better if you had done nothing.' So my insane effort to endure abuse to get things done, was rendered worthless in a second.

Father kept taking me away to work alone with him, and forced me to listen to his monologues, which I hated, because he was boring, wrong and self-obsessed, but I wasn't allowed to say that, or argue. My silent compliance was never enough. He had to hit me. He had to find something to berate me over. He kept inventing reasons. I would clean his entire garage and he'd move a steel closet I couldn't possibly move and berate me for not cleaning under it.

I had a log thrown into my head, causing a head injury, and I had to keep working. I fell and fractured my shoulder so badly I could barely walk; I was brought to a forest to drag logs around, too heavy for me to lift. I was sometimes orchestrated to get injured; father would start a trailer I was standing on the edge of, and forced me to fall by quickly moving forward just enough. I was still expected to work after that. He hit me with a blunt edge of an axe and berated me for standing there. I was told to 'not expect a lift to the hospital'. I was brought to work while starved, grieving, suicidal. I was lied to about where I was going and what would I be doing, and for how long. I was never allowed to stop working.

And the game of giving me wrong instructions and punishing me for doing it 'wrong' never stopped. I caught on and begged for correct instructions. I would ask to explain, how to do it, to show me, anything. 'HOW OLD are you not to know this? I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO TELL YOU! YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS BY NOW!' And by his rage, I could tell that if I don't do it any way I knew how, I'd be punished instantly. I had no choice but to try – and of course fail, and feel horribly ashamed for 'deserving to get beat up'. Eventually my brain started shortcircuiting at the simplest tasks, I would mess up because I was in terror. I couldn't think.

At this point, I no longer wished to work for people who would inflict violence on me. And that is when I was quckly informed that if I didn't work, I would be killed. Not in those words. It was 'You have to work if you want to live!' followed by 'We can kick you out and you will starve on the street. Nobody will take you in. There is no place for you. Nobody wants someone like you. You don't deserve to eat if you don't work.' My choices were taken away. If I still refused, the result would be to beat me and force me to work injured, shaking and crying.

All this, for what? I would have been HAPPY to work. I would have been chasing my little daydreams and singing the pokemon tune, and if I was ever praised, I'd be the happiest kid on the block. I was a kid who liked to work. I wanted minimal fairness, minimal acknowledgment. To be a part of the family. Only that.

It just wouldn't do for the narcssistic father. Watching a child be broken, terrified and shaking, crying, ashamed, guilty, working past exhaustion, in injuries, was just too tempting for him to pass up. Even free labor wasn't worth to him as much as the pleasure of child torture. He needed that like it was a drug. What kind of a sick high did he experience, breaking a defenseless kid? What kind of pleasure did it entail, getting someone rid of their natural happiness to work? Was it fun, tearing me into pieces, over and over again? Does he remember it as a delicious, satisfying pleasure? Does he daydream about it? He knew it was wrong; he forced me to stop crying and hide the tears before we went home. 'Don't say anything to your mother.' I was told before being stuffed back in his car.

And now... I can't work. I can't even move sometimes. It was torn away from me. My ability to work was ripped away from my child body when I had no way to defend it or to grab it back and protect what is mine. I can't work anymore. It's terrifying. It terrifies me to not work. Because I was made aware working is the only thing keeping me alive, and capitalism confirms this, so I remain to forever fight with myself about how even if everyone says otherwise, I still deserve to live. Heartbroken, abandoned, with my basic human abilities stripped from me. It doesn't make me deserving to die.

I am so angry and sad. If I had my natural ability to work back, I'd be fine. I would be able to live safely. I wouldn't spiral into feeling like an unworthy member of society. I learned to survive very insecurely like this, but I hate every second of it. To know that instead of this insane uncertainty, anxiety, guilt for being bedridden, guilt for existing and not moving, I could have just found a job, have normal income? I can't bear it. I can't bear knowing this was wrenched away from me, because it was pleasurable to do so, because tearing me into pieces was a fun hobby for people who didn't care if what they were doing to me killed me. And I couldn't have done anything to stop it. And I'm like this now. Unable to take any more torture, unable to endure any more of being triggered, wondering if I would die from lack of resources, or would my body fail permanently in attempts to process all the exhaustion and pain I was dissociated from for my entire childhood.

How was this worth it. How it could have been worth it to anyone, destroying someone's ability to work, only because it's pleasurable. I felt the plan was to work me until I no longer could do it, then kill me. It's what they did to animals. And I was told I was more worthless than an animal. I was called lazy and a monstrous name I can't even translate, that implied I was burdening everyone with my existence.

It was even a bigger punch to my face to realize, after I escaped, that he was profiting from everything I did. That it would have taken money – way more than was ever spent on my survival, to get all that labor done. He was profitting while telling me I was worthless and don't deserve to eat or sleep in his house. He is now renting the place I was broken to help build. I was torn apart and he is still benefiting from it. And I have nothing. Not even a functional body to work with anymore.

I know I'm not the only person who was constantly left alone with narcissists as a child and had this, or worse, done to them. They don't care which pieces of children are left over by the time they're done getting their high. We're only a thing to consume, not living beings, not people, not someone whose life matters. Our pain is food to them. My father readily became a predator who snached his own kid away for torture sessions, and felt proud and fulfilled to turn his own child into a creature who cannot work anymore to survive.

Don't leave children alone with narcissists. I am trying so hard to get better, but facing reality, is this a thing a person gets better from? It's not a bodily harm of once or twice, this was happening for the most majority of my lifetime. It makes sense I cannot move. It makes sense I'm terrified to be triggered into this. It makes sense I can barely bear the reality of it. A person tortured hundreds of times wont just get up and walk away. I can't either. I have to lie here and hope that one day it will get better.

If you read thru all this, and you relate to the parts of this story, know that I am so sorry for what you were put thru. It's devastating and horrenous. If this is how you grew up, it would have been better not to have a family. We all should have been protected from this.

[just-dreaming-marvel]

Out Of Time ~ 141

MASTERLIST

< previous chapter

Word Count: 3,200ish

Summary: Things start to get real. (gifs aren’t mine) PLEASE READ THE NOTE AT THE END.

“Now, you better be on your best behavior for your Aunt Pepper and Uncle Happy, alright?” Y/N said. She was kneeling down to Morgan’s level, brushing the little girl’s hair behind her ears.

“Alright, momma,” Morgan agreed with a nod. 

“Daddy and I will call you every day.”

“Can’t I just come visit you? The—the com… compod… com—“

“Compound,” Y/N gently fixed with a smile.

“Yeah! It’s not too far away. I can come and help a wittle!”

Y/N sighed. “I wish you could, honey, but this is grown up stuff. Someday you’ll understand.” She pulled the girl into her arms, holding a kiss to the side of her head. “I love you, Morgan, so much.”

“Don’t tell daddy,” Morgan giggled, trying to whisper, “but I love you more than 3000.”

“Hey!” Tony exclaimed with mock hurt, coming onto the porch after packing the car. “I heard that.” He came and joined in on the hug. “But I forgive you.” He kissed the top of Morgan’s head before him and Y/N pulled back. “Don’t give Happy too much grieve, okay?”

“Okay, daddy!”

Tony leaned closer to Y/N. “If we’re going to do this, we’ve got to get going,” he whispered, placing a slight kiss near her ear.

“Okay,” Y/N whispered in reply. She leaned in and gave Morgan one last kiss on the forehead. “We’ll call you later tonight. I love you.”

“I love you too, momma and daddy,” Morgan responded.

Y/N and Tony stood up. She had an arm around his waist, holding herself close to him. Pepper and Happy came up behind Morgan.

“We’ll take good care of her,” Pepper promised.

“Thank you guys,” Y/N said before Tony led her to the car.

He opened the passenger door for her then got into the driver’s seat. Y/N waved and blew kisses to Morgan as they drove off. When they were too far away, she sighed into the seat. Tony reached one hand over and gave her knee a slight squeeze. They didn’t talk though, they were both too overwhelmed with what they were both headed to do.

~~~

Steve was standing outside, staring at the ground. His hands were on his hips as he looked beat. Bruce, Scott, Natasha, and himself had just tried to send Scott back in time, to no success. All they did was age and de-age Scott. Steve needed to get out of the hanger and clear his head. It had gotten his hopes up to bring everyone back, but it was looking like their plan wouldn’t be a possibility.

As a noise broke the silence, Steve looked up to see a car speeding towards the entrance. The car pulled over to him, passing him slightly, before reversing. As it backed up to stop in front of Steve, Tony rolled down his window to reveal himself and Y/N.

“Why the long face?” Tony asked. “Let me guess: he turned into a baby.”

Steve looked away with a slight smile on his face and a nod. “Among other things, yeah,” he responded looking back at the couple. “What are you two doing here?”

Tony got out of the car, Y/N following, and walked around to the back. “That's the EPR Paradox. Instead of pushing Lang through time, you might've wound up pushing time through Lang. It's tricky. Dangerous. Somebody should've cautioned you against it.” He leaned against the car as Y/N moved to stand beside him.

“You did.”

“Oh, did I?”

“Tony,” Y/N scolded quietly, knowing Steve did deserve the sass.

“Thank goodness we’re here. Regardless, I fixed it.” He held up his right hand, device on it. “A fully functioning Time-Space GPS. I just want peace.” He made a peace sign. “Turns out, resentment is corrosive, and I hate it.”

“Me too.”

“We got a shot at getting these Stones, but I gotta tell you our priorities: Bring back what we lost? I hope, yes. Keep what we got? I have to, at all costs. And... maybe not die trying will be nice.”

“Sounds like a deal.” 

Steve reached out his hand to shake, in which Tony took it. Pulling away, Tony opened his truck. He reached in to pull out Captain America’s shield. He handed it toward Steve, who didn’t take it.

“Tony… I don’t know,” Steve said.

“Why?” Y/N asked. “Howard made it for you.” 

“Plus, honestly we had to get it out of the garage before Morgan took it sledding,” Tony added. “She’s been way too eager to take it out since she found out it belongs to you.”

With a light sigh, Steve took the shield, placing his arm in the straps. It had been too long since it had rested on his arms, seven years in fact. It felt nice to have it back.

“Thank you,” Steve replied.

“Will you keep that a little quiet?” Tony asked as he pulled out a few more things from the car. “Didn’t bring one for the whole team… we are getting the whole team, yeah?”

“We’re working on that right now. You guys might be able to be of some help.” Steve began leading them back into the hanger. “Who’s with Morgan?”

“Pepper and Happy,” Y/N responded. It was clear to the men that Y/N was feeling hesitate to do this and leave Morgan. “You’re going to have to join in on the call tonight. She’s upset she didn’t get to talk to you that much when you guys showed up a few days ago.”

“Y/N? Tony?” She heard Natasha gasp. Her friend quickly ran to her, engulfing her in a hug. “You came to help. Thank you so much.”

“Woah there, Banner,” Tony said, causing everyone to notice him studying Bruce, who had merged with the Hulk. “What did you do?”

“I know, it’s different,” Bruce responded. “But I finally found a way to live with both my sides.”

“That’s wonderful,” Y/N smiled. “I’m so happy for you, Bruce.”

“Thank you.”

“What’s the plan with the team though?”

“I’ve called Rocket and Nebula,” Nat explained. “They’re on their way. Once they get here, Bruce with go with Rocket to fetch Thor from New Asgard. Rhodey needs to finish up a few things before he comes. They should all be here tomorrow.”

“What about Clint? Is he still off the grid?”

“I’ve pinned pointed his location and am going after him tonight.”

“Do you need any help?”

“I think this is something I need to do on my own.”

~~~

Night had fallen and Tony had already started building a platform for the time travel. Natasha had left to retrieve Clint and Y/N was just finishing up her video call with Morgan.

“It’s time to go sleepy night-night, now Mo,” she told her daughter. “I love you, and I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Goodnight.” She blew a kiss.

Morgan blew one back. “Love you, momma!”

Y/N smiled softly as she hung up. Turning the phone in her hands, she looked around the bedroom she was sitting in. This old bedroom was filled was so many memories, good and bad. Y/N honestly never thought she’d ever come back here, again. With a small sigh, she pushed herself up from the bed and walked out onto the small balcony that was attached to the room. She leaned on the railing by her forearms and looked over the once bustling grounds of the compound.

“I thought I’d find you out here,” Tony said, snaking his arms around her and pressing a kiss to her neck. She jumped slightly. “Sorry, did I scare you?”

“A little. I guess I was too caught up in my thoughts,” Y/N responded.

Tony rested his chin on her shoulder. “Care to share?”

“This place used to be so lively… even after the team broke. There were people running around and working hard. Now… now It’s empty. Too empty… I don’t want this to be the world Morgan grows up in. I want to her see busy streets and cheer in crowded arenas. I want her to experience what life should be like. Not this… this mess.”

“I get it… I want her to meet Peter. I can already imagine the chaos those two could cause.” 

Y/N laughed. “Me too… And Harley.”

“And Harley… we have to get our boys back.”

“We have to. And not die trying.”

~~~

The next day, Tony and Y/N spent building the platform, while everyone else came and went, going about their assignments. Natasha left to get Clint, having got some concrete leads about him being in Japan. Rocket, Nebula, and Rhodey arrived. Rocket and Bruce quickly left for New Asgard to fetch Thor. Nebula, Rhodey, and Scott began thinking of suit ideas for the time traveling. Steve gathered together everything he could find on the Infinity Stones, the whole time itching to ask Y/N questions. He wondered if she knew more than they had learned from past experiences. And it wouldn’t surprise him if she did.

Rocket and Bruce arrived back with Thor first. It shocked the team to see Thor in such a state as he was. His hair and beard were long once again, and he had gained more than a few pounds. It saddened Y/N to know that this had all taken such a toll on Thor. Her and Tony really had been one of the few lucky ones. 

Rocket quickly began helping Y/N and Tony with the platform. Which Y/N was extremely grateful for because she could only understand, or do, very little of what Tony was asking of her. 

Thor was drinking a beer as he clumsily walked towards the platform. Tony was walking from behind Thor, dragging a long hose.

“Drifting left,” Tony warned Thor as he began to pass him. “On the side there, Lebowski.” He faced Rocket, who was working underneath the platform. “Ratchet, how’s it going?”

“It’s Rocket,” the raccoon corrected. “Take it easy. You’re only a genius on Earth, pal.”

“Thank you!” Y/N exclaimed jokingly, pointing at Rocket.

“Hey!” Tony exclaimed, a little hurt.

“I love you!”

Tony scoffed. “Sure.”

Y/N giggled as she came up to Tony. “I’m sorry,” she pouted slightly as she grasped his hand. “Forgive me?”

Tony sighed, rolling his eyes playfully. “I guess.” He gave her a light kiss. “Want to go check out how the suit is coming?”

“Of course.”

They intertwined their fingers and headed to where they were figuring out the suit. When they arrived in the room, Scott was in the suit with Nebula and Bruce working on it around him.

“How’s it coming with the thingamajigger?” Tony asked as him and Y/N walked over to the Scott. “What’s our status?”

“Now?” Bruce wondered. “Yeah, it’s just about ready.”

“Alright, let me see. Wow. Got a little Pym,” Tony pointed, “Stark styling.”

“Yeah.”

“And the, uh, noggin bubble, courtesy of, uh,” Tony turned to Nebula, “Rings of Uranus. What’s your troop called?”

“The Guardians of the Galaxy,” Nebula answered.

“We just need someone to test it,” Bruce said, as he grabbed some small glass tubes with a red liquid and started doing something to Scott’s suit.

“Time travel suit?” Rhodey questioned, walking in. “Not bad.”

“Hey, hey, hey!” Scott exclaimed, stopping Bruce. “Easy, easy!”

“I’m being very careful,” Bruce responded.

“No, you’re being very Hulky.”

“I’m being careful.”

Scott held up a red tube. “These are Pym Particles, alright? And ever since Hank Pym got snapped out of existence, this is it. This is what we have. We're not making any more.”

“Scott, calm down,” Rhodey advised.

“Sorry. We've got enough for one round trip each. That's it. No do-overs. Plus two test runs.” Accidentally pressing a button, Scott quickly shrunk and returned to his normal size. “One test run.”

“Shit, Scott,” Y/N muttered, shaking her head.

“Alright, sorry. I’m not ready for this.”

“I’m game,” Clint’s voice suddenly came from behind them. They all turned to look at him. “I’ll do it.”

He looked different. It wasn’t just his hair cut and his sleeve tattoo. It was his eyes. Clint had lost his wife and three kids. Y/N couldn’t even imagine what he was exactly going through.

“Clint,” Y/N gasped softly.

“Y/N,” Clint responded with a nod.

Tearing up, Y/N let go of Tony’s hand and quickly wrapped her arms around Clint’s neck, bringing him in for a hug. Clint didn’t hesitate to hug her back.

“I’ve missed you,” she whispered.

“I’ve missed you too, Y/N/N,” he responded. He pulled away and looked back at the others. “Suit me up. Let’s do this.”

~~~

Tony and Y/N got the platform set up and gathered everyone while Bruce, Rhodey, Scott, and Nebula got Clint situated. As everyone slowly gathered and Bruce came to help Tony, Y/N stayed back and close to the wall. She had started to tremble at the thought of the time travel actually working and all that came a long with it. Her head had also started to get fuzzy. And, from past experience over the years, she knew that a seizure could easily be triggered. Steve had noticed at discretely came over to her.

“You alright?” He whispered.

“I-I-I… I don’t know,” she responded, shakily. “This all… what if it works? And… what if it changes things? I… I can’t lose Morgan. I-I can’t.”

Steve came around and cupped Y/N’s face with his large hands. “You are not going to lose Morgan. I will not let that happen, I promise.”

“You can’t control that Steve… you don’t know… I’ve seen things. I know things… something’s still coming.”

“What do you mean?”

She shook her head quickly. “I can’t say anymore. I can’t.”

“Y/N—“

“Don’t push this, Steve. I…” She swallowed, getting a tad dizzy. She gripped onto Steve’s arm, trying to keep herself steady. “I… oh…”

Steve held onto Y/N’s upper arms, noticing that she was struggling. “Talk to me, Y/N. What’s going on?”

“Just keep me close. I’m not feeling so good.”

“Maybe we should sit you down in the other room.”

“No. I want to be here. I need to be here. Just wrap your arm around my waist and keep me close to your side. I don’t want Tony to worry.”

Steve gave in with a sigh before turning so that they were both facing the platform and wrapping an arm around Y/N’s waist. Everyone else was at the control panel and Clint was taking his position on the platform.

“Alright, Clint,” Bruce said. “We’re going in 3… 2… 1!”

A helmet formed over Clint’s head before he went quantum. That was the longest minute of everyone’s lives. Y/N could barely breath as she stared at the space Clint once stood. When he finally rematerialized, Clint was on his hands and knees, breathing heavily. Natasha rushed up the platform, crouching down and cupping Clint’s cheeks. Scott and Tony rushed up onto the platform as well.

“Hey, hey,” she called. “Look at me. You okay?”

Clint held up a baseball glove and threw it at Tony. “Yeah, it worked,” Clint said. “It worked.”

Tony smiled triumphantly, holding the baseball glove, as he turned towards Y/N. She was the only one that didn’t seem excited. In fact, her complexion was off and her breathing pattern had changed. Tony knew what was about to happen before her eyes even rolled back.

“Rogers!” Tony shouted, surprising everyone. “Get her on the ground and on her side. Now!” 

When Tony had called out to Steve, that was when her eyes rolled back and Y/N began to seize. Steve quickly did as he was directed, already familiar with the routine. The whole team quickly surrounded them, with Tony and Bruce pushing to the front to help.

“What’s going on?” Thor asked, confused and completely worried.

“She’s having a seizure,” Natasha responded. “She had a car accident a few years back, left her with some brain issues.”

“When was the last time she had one?” Steve asked as he kept his sister on her side. 

“Probably a little bit over a year,” Tony replied, helping Steve.

They all let out a breath of relief when she finally stopped moving.

“Let’s get her to her bed,” Bruce suggested.

Tony picked her up. “I’ll handle it,” he said. “I’ll get her settled and then we can figure out a plan.”

They watched as Tony carried Y/N away.

“Steve,” Natasha called gently, looking at her friend. “What triggered it?”

“I have absolutely no idea,” Steve asked, keeping his eyes on the pair as Tony walked away.

~~~

Y/N immediately knew what had happened the moment she opened her eyes. She was laying in her bed, all tucked in, and Tony was sitting next to her, reading something on his tablet.

“How long have I been out?” Y/N asked, voice slightly horse.

“Hey, you’re awake,” Tony said, placing his tablet down and turning to face her. “You had us all worried.”

“Sorry.”

“What happened?”

“I was just thinking about… well, everything… and I guess I stressed myself over the edge.”

“Maybe you should go home, stay with Morgan.”

“No. I need to be here.”

Tony pursed his lips as he studied his wife. He definitely didn’t like the way she emphasized need. “Why? Why do you need to be here?”

Y/N sighed and closed her eyes. “You know why.”

“No, I really don’t. You’ve always been so vague around your destiny and the Stones and shit. Just tell me what’s going on. What do you know?”

Y/N tossed her covers off and sat up, sitting on the edge of the bed facing away from Tony. “I can’t say Tony.”

“Like hell!” Y/N stood up, walking onto the balcony with Tony following. “If you’re scared of the Stones, no need. They’re gone, Y/N. You felt that yourself.”

“You don’t understand… Things could still happen and I can’t have more lives on my hands than I already do.”

“Y/N, what happened is not solely your fault.”

“But it is. I was tasked to save everyone. And I failed…I failed Wanda, I failed Vision! I failed Peter! And Bucky!”

“Bucky,” Tony scoffed. There had always been a question lingering in Tony’s mind, fighting for an answer. But he was too frightened to know the truth. Until now. He had to know. “Are you still…” He studied Y/N for a quiet moment. “Are you still in love with him?”

“Tony…” She tried to turn away, but Tony grabbed onto her arms, keeping her facing him.

“No, you don’t get to run away right now. I need an answer. If we’re going to do this, bring everyone back. I need to know the truth, once and for all. That I wasn’t the second choice, that I wasn’t just the only option so you went for it… So, tell me, would you have chosen me if Barnes was still here?”

Ending 1: It’s Always Been You >

Ending 2: I’m From Brooklyn, Too >

I hope this wasn’t complete crap. And I couldn’t wait to post this! I know I’m on a break, I just got too excited about getting to the 2 separate parts!

I would love to hear your theories/hopes for the endings! I would love for everyone to read both, especially because they’ll take on Endgame very differently!

Also, my tag list is struggling to work. So please be patient with me. Also, Chapter 140 did not get a tag list because tumblr is the WORST right now and hates me and kept deleting it. So, again, please be patient with me. I’m just a human trying my best.

If you want to be added to the tag list, please dm me or send in an ask.

OUT OF TIME TAG LIST:  

@paintballkid711​

@cherthegoddess​

@capstopavenger​

@tommy-holland (won’t link)

@marinettepotterandplagg​

@bestofbucky​

@demidia​

@maia030 (won’t link)

@thatrandomcatoverthere​

@xwackk​

@idkanymoremansstuff (won’t link)

@loveisallyouneed1125​

@jasbins​

@thewidowsghost​

@pukklv​

@thegayseance​

@allonszassbutt​

@caligrl1992 (won’t link)

@superunnatural23​

@fangirl-swagg​

@ihavenocontrolofmylifeeither​

@laic2299​ 

@lilred254​

@livinglikebritishroyalty​

@azure23x​

@sammyrose222​

@taina-eny​

@mallyallyandra (won’t link)

@paintmekala​

@booksarebae2000​

@supernatural-bangtanboys​

@a--1--1--3​

@irrelevantyettopicalusername​

@supernaturallover2002​

@loveyou3000tonystark​

@jatriciaaaa (won’t link)

@radicaljoy​

@newheart97​

@roxytheimmortal​

@sydney-m​

@emmuut​

@mikariell95​

@bihoeofmanyfandoms (won’t link)

@dontputyourfckingdrinkonmytable (won’t link)

@sxpxrnxturxl (won’t link)

@follow-hi-this-is-my-brain (won’t link)

@booknerd-3000​

@captain-of-my-game1992​

@pastel-boy-sungjae​

@the-person-in-the-circle (won’t link)

@topstory21​

@the-hell-is-life​

@cspr-2​

@bellamy-barnes​

@nish-xiii​

@theofficialzivadavid​

@tuttifuckinfruttifriday​

@outsideratheart​

@23victoria​ 

@austynparksandpizza​

@stuckupstucky​

@aubreeskailynn​

@finnologys​

@love-couldbe-my-weakness​

@i-dumb-bitch​

@osugahunnyicedtea​

[ordinaryschmuck]

What I Thought About "Hunting Palismans" From The Owl House

Salutations, random people on the internet who certainly won’t read this! I am an Ordinary Schmuck. I write stories and reviews and draw comics and cartoons.

Today, I present to you reason #4,693 for why The Owl House is the best thing at the moment: It's the perfect balance of serialized storytelling with an episodic format. The story always moves forward with an exact order for how episodes should be watched, but each episode still functions as its own standalone tale. Having prior knowledge of what happened before adds more to the experience, but you can still watch whatever you want and still have an enjoyable time. Take "Hunting Palismans," for example. It adds so much more to the overarching narrative while slightly continuing other threads. But it's still something you can watch as is without remembering the past or wondering about the future.

However, to properly explain how requires spoilers. I wasn't kidding when I say that this episode adds so much, so you're going to want to be wary of that when you continue reading.

With that said, let's review, shall we?

WHAT I LIKED

Coven Heads Meeting: We already saw these fellow schmucks in the trailer, but that doesn't take away how cool they are! It's not explicitly stated which head belongs to which coven, but you can already tell who goes where just from their designs alone. And I love that. I love that just by showing us some excellent character designs, anybody with half a brain can already figure out the particular type of magic each Coven Head specializes in. It's a perfect example of the show-don't-tell level of storytelling that is always at its best through animation, and I'm all for it because of it.

What the Day of Unity is: Several fans, myself included, have already speculated that the Day of Unity was that Emperor Belos planned to combine the human world with the Boiling Isles and rule it all with an iron fist. That being said, figuring it out is one thing, but being told that it's true is a whole different level pants-s**ting horror that I AM NOT READY FOR! Even when it's going to happen, I can assure you that I will not be prepared to witness it ...and I am scared of when it does.

Belos Body Horror: ...Disney, I was already scared s**tless of this guy. I DO NOT NEED THIS!

That being said, seeing Belos do...whatever the f**k that was, helps explain further why he needs the magic in palismans. I always assumed because it's like fuel for a car, giving him the power he needs. Now, even though the answer is more apparent, there are still some questions to be had. Is he cursed, and the magic keeps it at bay like Eda's potions? Or did he experiment with the wrong type of magic, and the palismans keep him stable? Only the future can say for sure...and I'm also not prepared for the answers from that either.

Golden Guard is Belos’ Nephew: Gosh dangit, THE INTRO HASN'T EVEN STARTED YET, AND THIS EPISODE IS ALREADY GIVING SO MUCH!

But, yeah, the most powerful witch on the Isles is apparently Golden Boy's Grunkle Belos. That very knowledge is incredibly interesting to discuss while presenting possibilities for future narratives. I don't know about you, but I see the Golden Guard going down the path of Zuko, learning that the magic of friendship is worth much more than whatever power he gains from being Belos' nephew. And possibly earning his uncle's love seeing how he's the only family he has. It's a situation that's vastly different from Amity's because even when she defies her parents, she'll still have Edric and Emira at the end of the day. For Golden Guard, knowing that he lost a great family to wild magic, the inclination to go against Belos is a lot weaker due to him being all he has left.

Oh, and also, Belos' family getting wiped out because of wild magic. Yeah, not only does that give the best type of motivation for Belos' distaste for it, but it also explains the Golden Guard's hesitance to use it. He's inclined to so he can save his uncle, sure. It's only the fact that he knows what happens with wild magic that causes some resistance...Also, we're less than a minute in, and I'm already getting all of this from one discussion between two characters.

HOW IS THIS SHOW SO GOOD?!

Intro Changes: It's about time too. It seems weird that the crew waited to change Eda and King's designs in the intro this late in the game, but it also tells me that Amity dying her hair lavender is the last huge change this season will present. Otherwise, why change the intro at all if you were going to alter Luz, Willow, and Gus' designs anyway? It just doesn't make sense to me.

Luz Keeping the Echo Mouse as a Pet: The fact that she keeps the most important creature in the world to her as a pet...it's...it's adorable, alright? And as we established several times, I cannot hate adorable things.

Don't judge me!

Amity Staying Home: There are two plausible ways why Amity didn't go to school that day. Either she's getting punished for dying her hair or because she's trying to avoid Luz so they won't talk about the you-know-what. Either could work and seem understandable to Luz, thus explaining why she admits how "that makes sense." Although, there is something to discuss in how Luz is curious as to where Amity is. Judging from the tone of her voice, it's pretty clear that she wants to talk about the little peck on the cheek and maybe get some confirmation as to what it means. Because there is no going back from that. You can explain away saying or doing something stupid, but you cannot un-kiss a cheek. That is a point of no return, and if Amity really is avoiding Luz because of it, that means it's up to our favorite weirdo to make the first move. As for what that may entail...we'll just have to wait and see.

Frewin: We get two bits of information here for the price of one reveal here. Knowing that Frewin is a palisman is shocking enough, but the knowledge that Bump is partially blind and needs Frewin to see? That is an intriguing piece of intel that I would have never expected to get revealed. This is reason #5,279 for what makes The Owl House so good. Even when the show presents information you wouldn't guess, it's all so interesting anyways that you can't help but go along with it.

Adopting Palismans: First of all, love the fact that the Bat Queen makes a return to provide a solution to the palisman trees being rare and solving her own problem regarding the discarded palismans. It's a situation where everyone wins in a way that is so clever that I can't help but admire it.

Second, the idea of students choosing to adopt palismans instead is cute. I'd say it gives further insight into who these characters are in how they say what they want to be, but there's nothing really new added that fans couldn't figure out from the get go. But I will say that it's pretty cool to know that these characters have official staffs now. Speaking of which, if you're upset that their palismans don't match up with your headcanons...grow up.

This was a cute and smartly written scene that should not be bogged down by whiney fans who can't accept a series doing something different from what they expect.

Little Rascal: I’d take a bullet for this bird. That is all.

Luz Being Uncertain of her Future: A lot of fans offer several ideas of what the future could look like for Luz. Will she stay in the Boiling Isles? In Connecticut? Or will she go back and forth? We don't know, but one question we rarely brought up is what does Luz want? More specifically, what does she want to do? After everything Luz went through, the adventures she's gone on, and the lessons learned, what is something that Luz wants her future to be? That's an answer she doesn't really figure out, and I'm genuinely ok with that being a question that's tabled for another day. Most kids who ask that question themselves aren't always going to find an answer after a short amount of time and sometimes even need to spend their lives trying to figure it out. So having it be something Luz has to consider and probably find out in a future episode is the smarter option, as it allows time for it to simmer in her own mind and provides more insight into her character. As stated several times in this episode, she doesn't think things through, so it's nice that the writers finally allowed her some time to wonder what's next when the adventure is over.

Luz Having to Improvise Without Paper Glyphs: You want to know what my favorite Spider-Man moments are (this is relevant. Trust me). My favorite moments are when Spidey's web-shooters run out of fluid, and he's forced to improvise with that big brain of his to find a solution. That's sort of what happens with Luz in "Hunting Palismans." She didn't bring her glyphs with her (why would she), so she's forced to use the environment around her to make new ones. Plus, Luz also flexes her knowledge of the Boiling Isles by mixing her glyphs with a magical plant (which Willow certainly told her about) so that she and the Golden Guard could knock out Kikimora's dragon. It's yet another showcase of her intelligence that a lot of fans are too keen to overlook. Unfortunate to see, too, because looking at how well Luz can craft the perfect solutions by fighting smarter, not harder, is a fantastic add-on to her personality. I love characters who win through their wits rather than their raw powers, and I once again hope more people will catch onto that aspect of her too.

Golden Guard Whistling the Theme: Look, I love it when a show acknowledges its own theme song, ok? Leave me alone.

Luz and the Golden Guard: This is one of those dynamics you didn't know you wanted until you have it. And now that I have it, I DEMAND MORE!

Seriously, seeing these two interact off of each other was a ton of fun to watch. When Luz and GG are initially at each other's throats, their threats and mockery towards one another aren't out of spiteful anger between two mortal enemies. It's more like...two siblings who get on each other's nerves yet are supposed to deal with one another. It's equally adorable and hilarious, and yes, I absolutely loved that they're forced to work together in this episode because of it.

Although, while the entertainment value is fantastic, it also adds more proof of why Luz is the best character in the series. She spends one night with this guy, and that's more than what she needed to make a difference with him. I wouldn't go so far as to say that they're buddies now, but Luz definitely sowed the seeds into his redemption. He's far from willing to join her side, but he still does something he rarely does with anyone else: He told her that his name is Hunter. And this is what Luz does. Through nearly every person she meets on the Boiling Isles, she always manages to change them for the better. It'll be a while before Hunter deflects from Belos, but if Amity proves anything, Luz has a way of sneaking into people's hearts. They just need to spend more time with one another, and I can't wait to see what happens next because of it.

Kikimora Wanting to Kill Hunter: This shows a lot about who Kikimora is, but it potentially proves just how dysfunctional the Emperor's Coven can be. If Kiki proves anything, the coven must be filled with people willing to backstab and cheat their way to get on Emperor Belos' good side. Just look at Lilith. She literally cursed her own sister just to get in and received all the rewards because of it. The Emperor's Coven may be the best choice for witches to do magic, but if you're surrounded by people you can't trust, then is it really worth it?

The Guards Not Knowing Who Hunter is: This helps add to how much of a big deal it is for Hunter to reveal his name to Luz. If people can't even recognize his face, there's a chance it means that he keeps his true identity a secret except for those in his inner circle.

And the coven guards brushing off his brand is more than believable to me. They may be aware that Belos' right hand is young, but teens will be teens. Anybody with enough artistic talent can fake a brand. So it isn't too far off for those two to think Hunter was just a kid pulling a prank.

Hunter is Powerless Without his Staff: Not much to say here. It's just some more neat insight into Hunter's character that makes me wonder if even Belos' magic is real magic.

But I will say this: The fact that Hunter comes from a lineage of powerless witches, well, who's to say that isn't because of a...certain ancestor?

(*Cough* Hunter is related to Philip *Cough*)

Hunter vs Kiki: A pretty well-animated fight scene that adds potential drama to the story for the future. Now that Kikimora knows that Hunter helped Luz escape with the palismans (albeit unwillingly), she may or may not hold that over his head when the time comes. Or, at the very least, decides to keep a closer eye on him whenever he makes a slip-up.

Eda and King Getting Luz her own Palisman Wood: These last two weeks have been severely lacking in the Eda and King department, but scenes like this more than make up for it. Those two have formed such a bond with Luz to the point where they would do the impossible if it meant she would feel better. It proves just how much of a family they all are and the lengths they would go for each other. After all, weirdos have to stick together.

Little Rascal going to Hunter: Hunter is right. That was surprising.

Given how much Little Rascal stuck by Luz, I was more than positive that she would be the one he chose. So seeing Little Rascal pick Hunter instead is a much nicer twist. There could be multiple reasons why, and I'm just going to leave that to the analyzers in this fandom to decide. Especially since the answer isn't really all that important.

So, instead, I'm going to go ahead and sit in the corner as I wOrRy AbOuT tHe DaY tHaT bElOs FiNdS lItTlE rAsCal!

IT'S GONNA HAPPEN! AND I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY, IF THE WRITERS KILL HIM, I WILL NOT BE HAPPY!

WHAT I DISLIKED

First, there's...um...

Well, there was this...

Ok, as much as I liked--No, that turned out well anyways...

…

...

...I've got nothing.

I, honest to goodness, have no complaints about "Hunting Palismans" Not even the tiniest of nitpicks I would usually ignore due to how well-executed everything else was.

It's all written fantastically to the point where it's...perfect.

IN CONCLUSION

"Hunting Palismans" is an easy A+. It introduces even more plot threads, gives insight into characters, and despite being essential to the story, it still manages to be a fun episode all on its own. And, I'd go so far as to say that it's one of the best, if not the best, episodes in the series. There's nothing bad about it, and that surprises me. I rarely find nothing bad to say about any story, even the ones I enjoy greatly. I'm sure there are some flaws that others would be more than happy to point out, but why bother hunting for the imperfections when I could accept that, for once, an episode is simply perfect.

(And that’s six hits in a row...THAT STINKER IS GOING TO HAPPEN! It hasn’t happened yet, BUT IT’S GOING TO HAPPEN! I CAN FEEL IT!)

[theoreticslut]

George x short fem reader

Requested by @pastanest 

warnings: fluff

A/N: this request is so freaking cute! It made me so happy to read and then try to figure out how to write. I, myself, am a pretty short person at around 5′4 so george would still tower over me which i would honestly love to experience but we don’t need to get into that right now. anyways, this is just fluffy with a bit of a protective reader and its cute. I hope you like it!! also, pls don’t judge some of my curses; I’m well aware some of them are questionable...

Dating a giant is fun; you always have someone to completely smother you when cuddling, when you steal their shirts you know they’ll always be long enough, and you’re favourite part of it - you always feel safe because you have a bloody giant as a boyfriend to protect you.

The only downfall you’ve come to find is how many people like to criticize your relationship solely due to the height difference.

You and George have been dating for nearly a year and you’ve lost count of how many comments have been made that you’re too short to be with him. At first it was fine, people just pointing out the obvious, right? After a year of it though, you’re tired of hearing it. You and George love each other and you’ve never given anyone a reason to think you weren’t good together, yet people continue to joke about how you won’t work out due to just how short you are compared to him.

You were honestly starting to wonder if maybe everyone else was right. Maybe you and George really weren’t going to work out.

“Princess, what are you thinking about?” George asks, noticing how distant you’ve become over the last half hour or so while hanging out.

“Hmm? Oh, nothing important.” You give him a small smile, your cheeks tinting a light pink.

“So I’m nothing important?” He playfully pouts, giving you those puppy dog eyes you can’t ever refuse or ignore.

You chuckle and smack his bicep causing him to laugh and pull you closer.

“You know I’m only joking, sweetie. But in all seriousness, what’s got you so down?”

“It’s dumb.” You chuckle, blushing and looking away.

“I love dumb.” George smiles, pushing a strand of your hair behind your ear.

“It’s just, I don’t know, does it ever drive you crazy how many people say we won’t work out?” You ask, frowning and not wanting to meet his gaze.

It’s a dumb question; you knew it didn’t bother him. Hell you’d be surprised if he even paid any attention to it. You were just feeling insecure.

“What are you talking about, love? Who’s been saying we won’t work out?” George asks, frowning at how obviously upset you are over this.

“Well, no one in particular really...” you trail off, glancing up at him frowning as you fidget with your hands.

“It’s just, well, ever since we’ve been together people keep saying I’m just too short for you, and because of that we won’t last.”

George watches as you explain all of this, watching as you fidget with your hands and how you will barely look at him. He notices how flushed you’ve become just by bringing this up. He smiles, loving how adorable you are. He couldn’t care less how short you are compared to him because there’s so much more to you than your mere 5’ height. True he was over a foot taller than you, but it came with so many benefits that he couldn’t understand how anyone would talk down on the height difference.

“Princess, will you please look at me?” He urges, gently trying to lift your chin with his finger.

You sigh, feeling shaky as you do, immediately finding yourself lost in his eyes as he smiles at you.

“Princess, I don’t care how many people tell us we won’t work out. You know why?” He asks, looking into your eyes, trying to read the emotions that swirl within them.

“Why?” You mumble, not sure if he could even hear you.

“Because what they say doesn’t matter. Not one bit. They say we won’t work out because of our heights? That’s pure hippogriff shit.” He says, causing you to chuckle at his wording. If there’s one thing George weasley is good at, it’s making you laugh.

“They’re jealous, princess. That or they don’t know the joy of dating such a short person. Do you know what I love most about you?”

“What do you love the most?” You ask, trying to hold back a smile as your boyfriend keeps his gaze locked on you.

“I love how small you are. I love that when we cuddle I can literally wrap my body around the entirety of yours. I love having to crouch down to be eye level with you. It’s so much fun! Why else do you think I do so all the time?”

You let out a small chuckle as he pulls you up into his lap, making you straddle him so you can look at him.

“I love how when I pick you up you wrap your legs around me so you know you’re at least holding onto something because you can’t reach anything else. I love when I give you piggyback rides and you’re so amazed at how different everything looks from my height. It’s the cutest thing to watch how excited you get.”

“But I think my absolute favourite thing is when you wear one of my shirts and it looks like a dress on you. Or when you steal one of my jumpers and it looks like it’s swallowing you whole. I love that.” He chuckles, remember the first time he saw you in one of his jumpers.

He was honestly worried how you’d be able to handle anything because not only was the top itself long on you, but the arms were so much longer that’s yours and you refused to roll it up. You barely had any functionality to your hands because every time you went to reach for something, it was just sleeves.

“And even though you are shorter than me, there’s so much more to who you are and why I love you that being short becomes so insignificant in the big picture I’m not sure why anyone would judge this on the mere height difference.” George states, smiling at you and admiring how happy you look now compared to a few minutes ago.

“I love you so much, George.” You smile, kissing him as he wraps his arms around your waist.

~.~

Since your talk with George about the whole height difference between the two of you, you’ve been more than happy and it’s been easier than ever to brush aside the comments.

However, you’ve been having a bit of a rough week. You haven’t gotten much sleep since you’d been studying for a few different tests your professors decided to give at the same time.

You haven’t been able to spend much time with George lately as he’s had quidditch practice nearly every night to prep for the big game between gryffindor and slytherin.

Then on top of it, this ravenclaw boy, Alec Newton, has been trying to get under your skin for the last few weeks by either taunting you or criticizing your work or even trying to make fun of your appearance.

“Hey y/l/n! Wait up.” You hear him call.

“What do you want Alec?” You sigh.

“How is everything going with weasley? I haven’t seen you two together a lot lately. Has he finally realized you’re too good for him?”

“What’s it matter to you?” You ask, not having the energy to care about this conversation.

From down the hall, George is watching this play out, annoyed himself at how much it seems this Alec guy is annoying you.

“Well, if you’re single I’d like to take you out? I mean, don’t you think you deserve someone you don’t have to look up to. Someone who you can meet eye to eye with.” He asks a bit too smugly for your liking.

George gawks at this dudes bravery. Just because you and him haven’t been seen together much this week he suddenly thinks he can make a move on you? He’s nearly ready to storm over and save you from this asshole when he notices you start to get angry.

He stops solely to see how this will continue to play out. George has rarely seen you get angry and he’s curious to see what you’re like.

“Excuse me? Are you saying that George doesn’t deserve me? And because of my height?” He can hear you ask, clearly disgusted with how this dude could possibly think that was an acceptable conclusion. He notices how you start to position yourself in a fighting stance, your hand tightening around your wand handle.

“Well, yeah. Wouldn’t you like someone you could-“

“What I would like, Newton,” you say, pointing your wand at him to emphasize your point, “is for people to stop pointing out the height difference between George and I.”

You buzz with the rush of adrenaline fighting gives you, not caring that you cut him off nor realizing who you have as an audience. All you care about in the moment is how annoyed you are at Alec and everyone else who has ever said you and George aren’t going to work out because of the height difference.

“There is more to our relationship than just our heights. In fact there’s more to us as people than just our heights. If you can’t see past that then I feel really sorry for how much of a ignorant worm you truly are.”

“But-“

“And truthfully, our relationship is of no bloody concern to you now is it? We’re not dating you, you mangy dragon, we’re dating each other.” You point out, waving your wand around animatedly to make your point.

“And furthermore, what makes you think I would go out with you of all people?” You hiss, pointing your wand directly at his throat as if threatening to cut off his head.

“You’re annoying and rude. You go around telling people that their boyfriend doesn’t deserve them when you know absolutely nothing about the relationship to begin with.”

“You pretend you’re some big hotshot that all the girls want, but in all reality you’re a sorry excuse of a wizard. You barely pay attention to classes, you can’t tell the difference between dittany and gillyweed, and your spell casting is so weak I’m surprised you can even cast lumos.” You continue, not giving him a chance to speak as you continue waving your wand around as you talk.

“I-I’m sorry.” He states, a bit scared at how harsh you’ve become as well as how you’re carelessly waving your wand around. He’s well aware of how intelligent you are and knows that you could jinx him without really thinking about it.

“Oh you’re sorry? Well that’s just great for you, isn’t it? You wouldn’t have to be if you hadn’t opened your bloody mouth to begin with now would you?”

“You’re lucky I don’t hex you right here on the spot for being such an annoying rotten mandrake. If I ever hear you saying George doesn’t deserve me again, I will not hesitate to vanish you from existence. You understand me, Newton?” You threaten, your wand at his throat.

“Understood, y/l/n. Again, I’m really sorry.” He says, visibly shaking at the threat of being hexed.

“Now get out of my sight before I change my mind and hex you anyway. I don’t want to hear from you again, and I better not hear anything about George from you either or I will personally hunt you down and kill you myself.”

“Y-yes. You won’t hear anything, I promise.” He stutters, hurrying away the second you lift your wand from his throat.

Once he’s run off you sigh, trying to calm yourself down. You relax your shoulders and run your hand through your hair.

“You’d really hex that ‘ignorant worm’ for me?” You hear George chuckle from beside you, jumping as you didn’t realize he had been there.

“Y-you heard all of that?” You ask, blushing as you’ve never let George see you get angry. You didn’t like when you did. You’d much rather try to keep the peace and fight only when absolutely necessary.

“Heard and watched it, princess.” He smiled, pulling you into his side, ruffling your hair a bit.

“Oh Merlin. I’m sorry, George. He just- he was being so annoying. Has been for weeks.” You sigh, trying to justify you threatening him.

“No need to apologize, princess. I thought it was pretty hot myself.” He smiles, watching as you look up and blush at his words, your eyes wide at the statement.

“I never realized just how feisty my girlfriend is, and I have to admit I quite like it.” 

“Seriously George?” You groan, feeling like he was just teasing you now. You start to pull away from him to walk back towards the common room.

“Seriously!” He chuckles, grabbing a hold of your hand and pulling you back to face him.

“I’m glad you think I deserve you, if you didn’t I’d start questing how good of a boyfriend I really am.” He jokes, causing you to roll your eyes at him.

“But in all seriousness, princess, that was really hot and I’m glad your mine. It’s nice to know someone loves me enough to threaten to hunt a fellow classmate to his death for me. I love you.” He smiles, pulling you in for a kiss.

“I love you too, George. More than you know,” you smile letting him kiss you again.

[marjansmarwani]

maybe, I’m afraid 

3.8k || ao3

Episode 2x06, but with Carlos (as it should have been)

Just me here again to give Carlos the screen time he should have had. 

A little late to the party maybe (I have no idea how you all manage to get fics up within 24 hours of the episode, I am in awe of that ability) but I still felt the need to make my contribution.

--------

Most days Carlos was pretty sure that after 7 years on the force he had seen everything there was to see. 

Other days he got a call to respond to two teenagers trapped in a homemade minefield and he was forced to reevaluate that sentiment. 

It doesn’t take long to figure out all there is to know, including just how bad it really is, and by the time the familiar ladder truck pulled up (because of course it was the 126) he was waiting outside the passenger door to give Owen the rundown. 

“Officer Reyes,” he greeted when he saw him, “I’m surprised to see you. I thought this would be a little out of your jurisdiction.” 

Carlos shook his head, “Just barely within it, another half-mile and the sheriffs would be handling the call.”

“But you managed to snag it, lucky you.”

“Can’t say I would have been too upset if I had missed out on this one,” Carlos agreed drily. 

Owen hummed in agreement as he surveyed the scene, “What are we looking at, exactly?”  

It was a bleak picture: two brothers, trapped. One injured, both scared and stuck in an active minefield without a map. And the bomb squad was at least 40 minutes out. He saw his concern reflected on Owen’s face as he considered the situation and all the implications. If they waited, the boy would die. If they went in, he would be possibly sending some of his people to die too. 

And yet Carlos knew what choice he was going to make before he even opened his mouth. He had learned so many things during his time with TK, and one of them was that in so many ways he and his dad were a lot alike. If it were his call, TK wouldn’t have been able to leave those boys in there either. So when the instruction came, he wasn’t surprised. 

“We’re going to need the heaviest duffel we can find and spray paint - the brighter the better.”

Carlos locked eyes with TK briefly as he and the rest of his team turned to start gathering supplies, giving him a smile and hoping that it conveyed everything he wanted him to know: it would be alright, no matter what. 

He almost believed it too. 

All was calm at the start, the 126 functioning like the well-oiled machine they were. In no time they were prepped and Owen was striding back towards the ambulance, asking the new guy if he was ready to go. The discussion quickly transformed into an argument and Carlos couldn’t help but glance back over at the minefield and the brothers. Every moment they argued was one less moment these boys had. Carlos was considering stepping in when a new voice entered the discussion, effectively bringing the escalating argument to a halt. 

“I’ll go.” 

And Carlos froze because he knew that voice. He would know it anywhere, it drew him like a moth to a flame in any room. He turned slowly to find TK standing slightly apart from his crew, stance relaxed but jaw set in determination. 

“I was a dual function FD medic in New York,” he explained, voice calm and firm, “all my certifications are up to date. I can do this.” 

Carlos didn’t need to be looking at him, didn’t need to see where his gaze shifted to know that those last words were directed at his dad. The knowledge made Carlos’s heart ache. The fact that his boyfriend still felt the need to prove himself to his dad after all this time and all he had accomplished killed him, but the thought of TK willingly walking into the minefield killed him even more. 

But it wasn’t his choice to make and when Owen nodded, he felt a cold dread spread throughout his body. This wasn’t how today was supposed to go. Today was not supposed to be the day he watched his boyfriend walk into an active minefield. That day was never supposed to come, and yet here it was. 

He walked over to where TK was switching out his gear, struggling with a strap that was twisting over his shoulder. He reached out for the strap without a word, smoothing it out and snapping it in place. They didn’t speak as Carlos stepped back, surveying the harness and gear for any other twists or issues. 

“It’s going to be fine, Carlos.” 

TK’s voice, soft and reassuring, broke the silence and Carlos met his eyes sharply. He wanted so desperately to believe him, but there was a field filled with explosives that had already claimed one life today behind them and he was finding it hard to be optimistic. 

“Are you sure about this?” he asked instead. 

TK pulled his helmet on, his steady gaze never leaving Carlos, “Of course I’m sure, the kid’s going to die if we don’t go out there, Carlos. I need to help if I can.” 

Carlos reached down to grab his medical bag and held it out to him. He didn’t like the thought of the man he loved purposefully putting himself in harm’s way, but he also knew TK. As much as he might hate it sometimes, this was TK: always ready to help, always willing to put himself at risk if it meant saving someone else, and there was nothing Carlos could do to change that. And he wouldn’t want to - it was a part of TK that made him who he was: someone that Carlos loved with all his heart. 

When TK reached out to take the bag from him, he didn’t release it immediately. He let his grip linger for an extra moment as he studied TK, his heart pounding in his chest.

“Just, be careful,” he told him softly. TK gave him a small smile, and Carlos released his grip on the bag, allowing TK to walk away, towards the minefield. He was still watching as he ascended the ladder that would drop him out onto the minefield when he felt the presence of others appearing at his side. 

“He’ll be okay kid,” Judd said quietly, eyes never leaving the sight of the two Strands climbing to the end of the ladder. 

“You don’t know that Judd,” Carlos responded just as quietly, already feeling his fingernails digging into his palm as he clenched his hands at his side. 

“No,” the older man agreed softly, “I don’t. But I do know they’ll be as careful as they can.” 

Carlos nodded, eyes tracking every movement desperately. They had reached the edge of the ladder now and he watched as Owen tossed down the duffel, as they both reeled back in preparation for an explosion. He could feel his heart skip a beat and his breath catch in his throat as they waited, but there was only silence and after a moment, he allowed himself to breathe again. 

“I don’t know if my heart can take this,” Paul lamented from his left, “that was nerve-wracking and they still have a long way to go.” 

Carlos nodded wearily, but caught his retort before it slipped out of his mouth: if they made it that far. He didn’t need to release that idea into the universe and the others didn’t need to hear it. So he swallowed it and continued watching. Each and every movement they made was agonizing to watch, but each and every thud of them landing unharmed gave him a moment to catch his breath, a brief reprieve for his heart to beat normally. They had settled into a rhythm, and everything was going smoothly. 

Until it wasn’t. 

The sound of the mine exploding filled the air around them and worked its way into Carlos’s soul. It sent shockwaves through his body as he watched, desperately trying to see through the haze of smoke and debris. He couldn’t see him, he didn’t know if he was okay. 

That fact was more than enough to bring on the fear. It attacked him with a vengeance, freezing him to the spot. He felt as if the whole world froze in that moment; suspending him in the terror of not knowing, trapping him with doubt and fear. 

And then he heard TK’s voice, and he could breathe again. It might just be the most wonderful thing he had ever heard. 

When Owen’s voice sounded across the radios, confirming that they were both in one piece, time picked back up at its usual pace. He felt himself sag in relief, grateful for the knowing and supportive hand on his shoulder from Judd. He spared a glance at the others, seeing his relief reflected on their faces and in their stances. 

Marjan let out a long breath, “That was…” 

“Intense,” Paul agreed grimly, “let’s never do that again.” 

They all nodded, and Carlos couldn’t agree more. 

If there was an upside to that moment it was that the path forward was now clear and the two Strands made quick work of the rest of the journey, closing the distance between them and the boys in seconds. Carlos watched in awe as TK slipped into medic mode the moment he reached the boys’ sides, calmly managing the scene and taking care of the patient. It was a wonder to watch. He handled it all with focus and compassion, quietly reassuring the boys even as he gave instructions to his dad and administered care. He was cool and steady even as he delivered the lifesaving compressions, forcing the teen’s blood to pump through his veins with his own hands. It was only minutes before his voice sounded over the radio, announcing that the injured boy was stable and no amount of fear or worry could have stopped the intense pride Carlos felt in that moment. 

“Kid’s got some skills,” Judd observed with a fond smile and Carlos could only grin. 

Paul nodded, “Looks like someone’s been holding out on us, that was pretty impressive I must admit.” 

“Badass is more like it!” Mateo exclaimed and Marjan, standing next to him, laughed even as she placed a hand on his arm. 

“Steady Probie,” she reminded him, “they still have to get out of there. Let’s not jinx anything.”

Her words tempered the celebratory mood of the group, but even though Carlos had never let go of that fear (he knew he wouldn’t until TK was out of the minefield and at least 2 miles away) it felt different from before. It was wrapped in that pride now, and even as Carlos watched them prep to move and the bomb squad moved out to locate and detonate any mines along the path, he couldn’t shake that. It was almost stronger than the fear now, this pride he felt for TK. That was his boyfriend; the person who had just saved two young brothers in the middle of a minefield was the man he loved. Just when he thought that he had come to know every bit of his body and soul, he managed to surprise him all over again. 

It took every ounce of restraint and professionalism Carlos had to not rush over to TK the moment he cleared the edge of the minefield. He forced himself to wait, focusing on his own job while keeping a watchful eye on TK as he reported back to Captain Vega, as he got an exam from the new paramedic. It wasn’t until he headed back to the ladder truck that Carlos broke away from the crowd, meeting him at the side of the engine. TK looked up as he approached, a smile on his face and a greeting on his lips, but Carlos pulled him into his arms before he even had a chance to speak. 

He held him tightly, savoring the feeling of his breath on his collar and the faint sound of the beating of his heart. His familiar scent filled Carlos’s head with each breath and he closed his eyes. He would have been happy to stand there forever, feeling this and just being them and while he knew they couldn’t, he was determined to have at least a few moments more before the world interrupted. If nothing else, the universe at least owed him this. 

“I’m okay Carlos,” TK said evenly, his voice muffled against Carlos’s shoulder. 

But you almost weren’t. The words rang through his head, but he didn’t speak them. Instead he pulled away just enough to see TK’s face as he asked, “Are you sure?” 

“Yes,” TK assured him firmly, placing a steady hand on his chest, “the new medic looked me over but I could have told you anyway, I’m fine. Not injured, my dad and I both made it out and so did the boys. This was a win Carlos, I’m more than okay.” 

And he was, Carlos saw as he studied him. He was beaming; enthusiasm pouring out of him. His eyes were alight with something Carlos couldn’t name and he was practically vibrating. Despite everything, Carlos couldn’t help but smile at the sight. He was still worried, still terrified by all the ‘what ifs,” but seeing TK like this gave him a lightness he couldn’t have imagined feeling even a few minutes before. 

He shook his head, trying to mask his smile with little success, “I am glad you’re so pleased with yourself, considering you almost gave the rest of us a heart attack.” 

He had been going for a joke but he instantly regretted it when TK dimmed, “I’m sorry,” he told him sincerely, “I didn’t mean to scare you guys, especially you. I just knew I could help…” 

Carlos interrupted him, moving his hands so they were on each of TK’s shoulders, “You have nothing to apologize for Ty,” he assured him firmly, “you did the right thing. You saved a kid’s life and you did amazing. I am so proud of you.” 

TK’s smile returned, softer than before but still glowing with pride, “You are, are you?” 

Carlos leaned down to place a soft and tender kiss on his forehead, “I am. So incredibly proud. You’re a pretty impressive guy, you know that?”

TK’s smile could have lit up the world and Carlos would have been happy to let it. But they were both still on the job and decidedly not alone, as they were suddenly reminded when Paul peaked around the side of the engine. He smirked at them before calling over his shoulder, “Yeah, they’re decent back here, you guys can come around.” 

Carlos rolled his eyes at his friend while TK casually flipped him off. Paul crossed towards them, completely unfazed before reaching out and pulling TK into a hug of his own. “You can’t keep scaring me like that man,” he told TK when they pulled apart, “I’m getting too old for that crap.” 

TK rolled his eyes at his teammate and Carlos chuckled. He looked behind him to see the rest of the team materializing. 

“That’s my cue,” he told TK, “I need to get back to work and get this scene wrapped up anyways. I’ll see you at home later?” 

TK nodded, reaching out to squeeze his hand, “I’ll be there right after my shift.” 

“Think you can make it until then without nearly dying on me again?” 

“I’ll do my best,” TK assured him and Carlos smiled. 

“That’s all I ask,” he responded, “I love you.” 

“Love you too, Carlos.” 

Carlos smiled at that, the warmth he felt every time he heard those words from TK rushing through him. With one last squeeze of the hand holding his own, he stepped away, letting TK’s team get in their time. As he reached the corner of the engine he looked back, still feeling the whirlwind of emotions deep in his chest. 

But TK was safe and happy - he couldn’t ask for anything more. So he turned the corner and returned to the task at hand. 

----------

“You know, that call today? It felt good, really good.” 

Carlos looked up from his dinner sharply to see TK idly playing with his, his focus clearly elsewhere. “Please don’t tell me this means you have decided to become a real-life minesweeper, I am going to have some objections to that,” Carlos deadpanned. 

TK laughed lightly, shaking his head, “No, not quite.” 

“Thank god, I don’t think my heart could handle that.” 

TK shook his head fondly at Carlos before his expression grew more pensive, “I didn’t mean the minefield, or even the danger or adrenaline. I meant the saving the boy part. I know I do that all the time as a firefighter, but there’s something different about doing it as a medic. I haven’t had the chance to really do any medical calls since moving to Austin, with the way the department is structured.” 

“You’ve never really talked about it before,” Carlos noted, “I’ve seen you do medical stuff in the field, but before today I didn’t even know you were dual certified.” 

TK shrugged, “It just never really came up, I guess. It’s pretty typical in New York, but their firehouses are structured differently. I guess once I made my peace with being down here I never really thought about it again. It’s not like I could do both the same way I used to.” 

His tone was almost wistful as he turned his gaze down to his plate, but Carlos had a feeling he wasn’t really seeing the food on it. “Sounds like you miss it,” he ventured after a few more moments of silence. 

“Sometimes I do.” 

“So why not go for it?” 

TK looked at him sharply, but Carlos just shrugged, “What? You’ve spent most of the past hour talking about it and you mentioned how the new guy quit and there’s an opening on the paramedic team within your first 10 minutes of showing up tonight. I know you and I know you’re already thinking about it, so why not try it?” 

“Even if I applied, there are so many other candidates. There’s no saying she’d pick me.”

“I wouldn’t be too sure about that. She knows you and how dedicated you are to your job. She saw you in action today, willing to take the risk that someone else wasn’t in order to save a patient. You did the job well and you did it under insane pressure after months of not doing it. If I were her, I’d be wondering what you’d be capable of on an average day.”  

TK looked startled at the efficient takedown of his doubts, but Carlos just raised an eyebrow, “Next?” 

He would dismantle his boyfriend’s doubts with logic one by one if need be. Whatever it took for him to start believing in himself the way Carlos did. 

“I’d have to leave the team,” he said softly, “I wouldn’t be working with them anymore. We’re like a family, I can’t just leave them.” 

Carlos reached across the table to take TK’s hand in his own, “It’s not like you’d be leaving the station,” he reminded him, “you’d still be in the same building and on the same schedule. And they’re not going to feel like you abandoned them, Ty, they’ll still be right there. And right here,” he added with a laugh, gesturing towards his living room, “we’ve fed them, I don’t think we are ever going to get rid of them now.” 

That pulled a smile out of TK, but there was still so much doubt in his eyes that it hurt Carlos to see it. 

“What do you think they would say, if you told them it was something you wanted?” he asked instead, “Do you think they would tell you to forget about it? To stay with them because it was more comfortable?” 

“No,” TK said quickly, “of course they wouldn’t.” 

“So why are you worried about them? They want what’s best for you and they always will. Unless,” he hedged when TK’s expression didn’t clear, “they’re not the ones you’re worried about.” TK pulled his gaze up from the table and Carlos saw all the confirmation in them that he needed, “Your dad?” 

TK nodded, and Carlos sighed. “TK…”

“It would be a big change Carlos,” he said softly. “Except for my probationary period, I have always worked with my dad. I don’t want him to take it personally.” 

“But it is a little personal, isn’t it?” 

He was careful to keep his tone even, non-judgemental and he watched TK closely, waiting for his response. 

“Maybe a little, yeah,” TK admitted. “I feel like this would be a way for me to really see who I am without him right there. It’s not like this is a reaction to him or any news he may have shared recently,” he added hastily, “I would hope I’m past the ‘blowing my life up to piss off my dad’ point, but it is something to consider. And…” 

He trailed off, but Carlos had a feeling he knew what was going to come next, “And you’re worried he might take it personally?” he suggested. 

TK nodded and Carlos sighed and set down his fork, reaching across the table again to pull both of TK’s hands into his own, “Look,” he began, “what’s important is why you’re thinking about this. So, what is it? Why are you thinking about becoming a paramedic?” 

“Because I think I’d love it,” TK said without any hesitation, “because I feel like it’s the best way I can help people.” 

Carlos smiled at him, squeezing the hands in his grasp softly, “Then I think you have your answer. You should do this because it is what you want and because it is right for you. That’s all that matters. Everything else - and everyone else - will fall into place.” 

“And if they don’t?” TK asked softly, and Carlos felt a pang in his heart at the sound of so much doubt in the other man’s voice. 

“They will,” Carlos assured him. “Nothing ever stays the same, remember? And your dad knows that. We all know that. And,” he added, leaning forward in his seat to close some of the distance between them, “I will be here for you, every step of the way. No matter what.”  

The smile TK gave him warmed every inch of his body. They sat in companionable silence for a while, intertwined hands connecting them across the table until TK spoke again. 

“If you really mean that,” he began with a grin, “I could probably use some help with my resume.” 

“Anything for you,” Carlos quipped back, but even as he said the words he squeezed their clasped hands. He meant that, in every way possible. He would be here for resumes and job interviews and everything in between, as long as TK wanted him to be. 

Judging by the way TK met his eyes, and the soft ‘thank you’ that fell from his lips, he had a feeling he felt the same way too. 

[break-me-kacchan]

One Hundred Sleepless Nights

Hey, here is Part 2: Thanks for reading! there will be another part! If you want me to write something or if you have an idea shoot me a message!

Word Count: 3393

Part 1

*************************************************************************************

It had been a month and a half since you had been home. Your husband didn’t even he didn’t know where you were. He didn’t even try, not once to call you. 

One man was unbothered by the lack of your presence while one man was destroyed by it. You told Bakugo to leave your house the day you disappeared. If he had known you were going to leave, he would have pushed harder to make you stay.

He had been a wreck since you left. He does his job as a hero as well as he possibly could, but you were always in the back of his mind reminding him of what he lost that day. He missed you wholeheartedly. He stopped hanging out with his friends and was showing up to work with a hangover, but he didn’t care.

If he couldn’t even be your hero, how was he supposed to save other people? He looked for you. Checked hotels, extended stays, even your friends’ places. He knew you had to be somewhere but every trail he thought he could follow to you lead him to a dead end. He never gave up but had already gone through every idea in his head to find you.

You were gone. At least from Bakugo’s world. All he thought about was you and if you were doing okay wherever you were. He only wanted to see you happy even if that made him the unhappy one.

Bakugo was enjoying his day off. By that he means he was wallowing in the darkness of his apartment as he started drinking at 10 am. Holding a short glass with amber liquid Bakugo lazily slumped on his couch and clicked his television on. He flipped through a few channels but stopped when he saw your husband promoting something on television.

He scoffed and hit the power button. If your husband wasn’t brilliant when it came to changes and advances on hero tech, he would have kicked his ass a long time ago. He took a sip of the glass still in his hand as a knock sounded on his apartment door.

Bakugo stood up and padded over to the door, leaning in he looked through the peep hole only to see Kirishima standing on the other side a wide smile plastered across his face.

“What do you want shitty hair?” He growled through the door.

“Haven’t seen you in a minute, thought I’d check on you.” His friend beamed a large smile at the door.

“I’m fine.” Bakugo replied still staring out the peep hole.

“Bakugo.” Kirishima warned the man. Bakugo groaned but undid the dead bolt and opened the door for Kirishima to come it. As soon as the door shut darkness consumed the two men.

“Is this how you live in here? Blind to your surroundings?!” Kirishima asked just as he tripped over something and came crashing into the back of the sofa.

“Tch.” Was all Bakugo replied before turning on the lights in the living room. “Happy now?” He asked the red head as his lifted himself off the floor.

“Much better!” Kirishima said to his friend as he straightened himself out. “So how have you been Kirishima asked as he leaned against the back of the couch arms crossed staring at his friend.

“I’m fine shitty hair- “Bakugo said as he stared at the floor, unable to look up at his best friend.

“You don’t seem that fine.” Kirishima interrupted him.

Bakugo’s head lifted and as soon as Kirishima’s eyes met Bakugo’s he noticed the dark circles under his friend’s eyes.

“You look like crap honestly.”

“Tch.” Bakugo grunted through gritted teeth. “If you came here to tell me I look like shit then you can leave.”

Kirishima’s face dropped. He knew his friend most be genuinely upset if he couldn’t even think of a good comeback.

“Bakugo,” Kirishima started. “None of us are really sure what you’re going through because you won’t talk to us. Typically, we’d let you handle it in your own way as you normally do but truthfully man, I don’t think you’re functioning properly.”

Kirishima leaned over and picked p the short glass Bakugo set on the counter earlier. Kirishima took a small whiff.

“You’re drinking? At 10 am? Dude, what’s going on with you?”

Bakugo leaned forward snatching the short glass out his Kirishima’s hand and downed the remainder of the liquid.

“Nothing happened Kirishima.” Bakugo sighed placing the glass back down. His fingers still curled around the glass. “I just fucked up my only shot at happiness.” He sighed as his hand slid off the glass.

Bakugo could feel his eyes on him even before his gaze met Kirishima’s concerned look. He rolled his eyes and ran a hand through his hair.

“What do you mean happiness? Dude, you’re a great hero! How does that not make you happy, that was all you wanted when we were kids.” Kirishima questioned Bakugo.

“That was before...” He spoke in a voice almost inaudible. “Before I lost everything, I hadn’t even realized how important our ‘Arrangement’ had become.” The blonde-haired boy finally broke the eye contact and stared at the floor.

Kirishima stepped forward standing to the left of his friend as he pulled out a bar stool and sat down.

“I’ve never seen you like this before, it must have been pretty bad for you to just forget about being a hero- “Kirishima started knowing this would get the temperamental boy to talk. The red-haired boy smiled when he heard the other stool pull out and his best friend plop down.

“I didn’t forget it’s just I realized you know what’s the point in being a hero if you can’t protect everyone and you can’t even be a good hero to those who look to you to be their knight in shining armor.”

“Man, you’re just confusing me. Would you mind just telling me what’s going on. You’re a good hero and I’m not sure why you feel this way.”

Bakugo huffed somewhat annoyed but went ahead and provided all the details of his secret rendezvous with a married woman and how they’ve been one another’s lover for almost 5 years. This is the first time Bakugo has spoken up about having someone, even if he couldn’t call her his necessarily.

“-so, I sat there as she slammed the door in my face. She was carrying my baby and all I could do was sit and stare at her.” He paused tears welling up in his eyes. He gripped the front of his shirt in a tight fist. He looked over at Kirishima who was just staring at his friend, mouth hung open and wide eyes stared back at him.

“That’s not even the worst part. I’ve gone to her house, I’ve checked her friends’ houses, hotels and all kinds of other places but I can’t find her. The love of my life is gone, carrying my baby and she disappeared.” Bakugo finally let those silent tears stream down his now flushed cheeks. The alcohol finally kicking in.

“Woah dude, I’ve never seen you this…distraught before.” Kirishima reached over clasping a hand around Bakugo’s shoulder. “Not to worry dude, I’ll help you find her!”

Bakugo stared wide eyed at his friend.

“I can’t find her, what makes you think you’ll be able to?” He asked his eyes narrowing to look at Kirishima. The red-haired boy’s smile dropped a little but like a light bulb going off in his head his jaw dropped.

“Now hear me out before you freak out,” His friend started. “What if we went to her husband and ask if he has heard from her?” Bakugo huffed and pushed himself backwards in the stool with a loud screech before standing up.

“You’re joking right?! I’ll kill him if I see him at all.” The blonde’s fists clenched tightly as he thought of your husband. “That dick head needs his ass blown up, I’m not asking him for shit!” He screamed at Kirishima and his dumb idea.

“But what if he knows where she is? What if he can help you find her?” Kirishima’s voice was soft as he looked at his friend trying to convince him this might be his only option if he wanted to see you again.

“I don’t- “He turned shoving his hands in his pockets frustrated knowing that Kirishima might be right, and your husband might actually know where you were. “What if he doesn’t tell us?”  

Kirishima stood up so fast the stool fell backwards crashing to the hardwood floor with a thud as Kirishima smiled brightly at his friend crashing both of his fists together while activating his quirk.

“Then we’d beat it out of him.” Bakugo couldn’t help the smile that found it’s way onto his features.

“Shitty hair, I’m liking your idea more and more. Let’s go.” Bakugo turned to the door grabbing a jacket and his keys.

“You want to go now?” Kirishima asked gathering his own keys off the counter and stepping forward to follow the hot-headed blonde.

“Yes dumbass, I’ve been sitting around like a fool for weeks. I can’t keep wondering if she’s gonna come back to me.” Bakugo let Kirishima out before locking the door behind himself. “If he knows where she is I gotta try.”

Kirishima slightly squealed as he followed his friend. “You’re in Looooooove!” Kirishima chuckled as he felt his back slam against the wall next to him. Bakugo had both his fists balled into the collar of Kirishima’s shirt pressing him against the wall. Kirishima’s smile faltered a little until a smirk rose across his friend’s face.

“Honestly, I really think I am.” Bakugo released Kirishima and the breath he didn’t realize he was holding and turned to the elevator.

Kirishima caught up to him and they entered the elevator. Bakugo stared at the screen counting down the floors until they reached the bottom floor. Kirishima watched his friend with a troubled expression. Kirishima couldn’t imagine what the hot head was going through. Loving you for so long and then just when he heard those words you were leaving him just when he though you were his.

“So why didn’t she leave her husband if she knew you loved her?” Kirishima asked as the doors opened to the elevator revealing the lobby. They both stepped out and headed to the parking garage where Bakugo kept his vehicle.

“Because I never told her I loved her.” He sighed reaching into his pockets pulling out his keys.

“Well, that sounds like you, you’re not usually one to divulge your feelings to someone.”

As soon as the boy reached the car Bakugo pulled on the handle extra hard and slammed it shut after he slid into the driver seat. At first Bakugo was thankful for Kirishima’s suggestion but Bakugo didn’t want to seem weak, especially in front of his best friend.

As they drove away from Bakugo’s apartment his hands gripped the steering wheel tighter and tighter. Not that Kirishima noticed, he didn’t know where they were going, but Bakugo took the long way to your husband’s business.

“Dude, what are we doing here?” Kirishima asked as he looked up at the tall building. Kirishima knew this place, Y/H/N is a top scientist for heroes. This is the building where countless support items and costumes were created.

“This is where that fucking asshole works.” Bakugo huffed annoyed as he stepped out of his vehicle. Kirishima followed suit and soon enough the two had entered the building and headed to the front desk.

“Hey!” Bakugo screamed at the small receptionist which made her jump in her chair.

“Y-yes sir, how can I help you?” She asked in a small voice, but she at least attempted a small smile.

“We need to see someone in your company- “Kirishima started but Bakugo spoke over his voice.

“We need to see your boss, Y/H/N.” Kirishima’s eyes widened as he stared a Bakugo who refused to meet the surprised look his best friend was giving him.

“He is actually booked all day sir; I could schedule an appointment with him if you’d like- “

“Look,” Bakugo started cutting her off. “This is kind of an emergency and shouldn’t take longer than a few fucking minutes. Can you just tell him we’re coming up?!” Bakugo said slamming a fist against the top of the desk before heading to the elevator about 20 feet behind the front desk.

Kirishima rushed to catch up with Bakugo as the receptionist chased after the two of them but the doors shut before she could say anything else.

“You could have been nicer to her.” Kirishima said after a few moments of silence.

“Tch.” The blonde huffed. “Let’s just get this fucking over with before I blow this whole god damn building up.”

The doors to the elevator opened once they reached the top floor where your husband’s office is located.

A long lay out with another receptionist seated.

“Hello gentlemen, how can I assist you today?” The brunette woman smiled at the gentleman.

“We’re here to see Y/H/N, it’s urgent and we really need to speak to him.” Kirishima said flashing a toothy gin at the girl.

“Oh well in that case I do apologize but Y/H/N isn’t in today, but I can schedule you an appointment- “Just then the woman’s voice was cut off by something crashing to the floor in the large office the woman just said was vacant.

“I’ve had enough of this!” Bakugo screamed as he made his way over to the office door that was shut. He twisted the knob on the door, but it was locked. Bakugo was not going to let this end here so he held the doorknob tighter just as his quirk went off breaking the doorknob completely from the door.

The smoke cleared and Bakugo pushed the door open to reveal your husband and a woman semi naked star struck as they stared at the door in disbelief. Your husband shot up from his spot gathering his discarded pants off the floor.

“You can’t be in here! Security!” Your husband screamed. The slight in front of Bakugo filled him with so much rage that he didn’t even know what was happening until Bakugo heard his hero name being shouted from the man he had pinned against the wall.

“Ground Zero?! What are you doing? Put me down this instant!” Your husband shouted gripping Bakugo’s hands with fury. He didn’t dare let go though.

“Where is she?” Bakugo asked in a deep low voice he pushed through his teeth. After a moment of silence, he opened his mouth this time to ask. “Where is she you fucking mother fucker?!”

He pulled your husband forward and slammed him back against the wall.

“Huh? Fuckwad! Where is Y/N?!” Your husband’s eyes flew open as he stared at the Pro Hero in front of him asking about his wife.

“Excuse me?” Your husband said to Bakugo just as Kirishima ripped Bakugo off your husband. Your husband fell to the ground but was very quick to stand up and finally get to pull is pants on over his boxers.

“Your wife?! Y/N?! Where is she, you womanizer!” Kirishima had his arms crooked underneath Bakugo’s arms pits pinning his back against Kirishima’s chest.

“Baku-bro, you gotta calm down.” Kirishima warned Bakugo before letting the temper mental blonde go. Bakugo straightened his shirt and looked up at your husband who was still at a loss for words.

“Do you know where she is or not?” Bakugo asked ready to leave this office.  Bakugo couldn’t help but wonder if this was how you felt when you caught him: disgusting. Of course, Bakugo knew better, he knew how much the ass hole in front of him hurt you, over and over again. It made his blood boil.

“Y/N should be at our home.” Y/H/N said looking confused at Bakugo.

“The fuck do you mean? She’s not fucking there. I’ve gone there looking for her.”

Quickly your husband pulled out his cellphone and punched your number in. It went to voice mail immediately.

“She’s not answering my calls either.” He said putting his phone in his pocket. He shrugged his shoulders and walked over to the chair behind his desk. “She’ll turn up eventually-“

“How long has she been gone?” Bakugo tried to ask calmly. He was about to explode. Every fiber of his being wanted to blow his fucking brains out with his fist.

“I’m trying not to be rude, but I do believe it is none of your business Ground Zero. She is my wife, and this is not out of character for us.”

Kirishima watched as Bakugo took a step forward ready to pounce to pull Bakugo out of there if he needed to. He would help his friend find you no matter what but causing a violent scene was not going to help this situation. What Bakugo did shocked Kirishima leaving him speechless.

Bakugo stepped up to the desk and slammed him hands on the top. Your husband jumped back. Making eye contact with your husband. A smirk played at his lips, but his eyes froze your husband in his tracks.

“That’s the mother of my child and the love of my life. Now, you’re going to tell me where she is, or I will fuck up everything in this building.”

“You can’t do that- “Kirishima interrupted him with a chuckle.

“He most definitely will regardless of the consequences so if you want this building to have holes and loose all your tech, I suggest you just give him the information.”

Your husband couldn’t believe what he just heard. You were pregnant.

“WE HAD AN AGREEMENT!” Y/H/N shouted as he stood up slamming his hands on the table his face inches from Bakugo’s. “She’s my wife, not yours.” Bakugo’s smirk disappeared.

“She doesn’t love you.” He knew the truth, he’s felt your love, your touch. He’s held you so many nights, he knew you loved him, not your trash husband. He knew you felt the same way about him as he did about you.

“I’m the one who put a 60-thousand-dollar ring on her finger. Not you.” He stood up and pressed a button on his call box.

“Yes sir?” The secretary downstairs answered.

“Please have security escort Mr. Bakugo off the premises please.” Your husband said grabbed his suit jacket off the back of his chair. “She loves you?” He scoffed at Bakugo.

Bakugo stepped back from the desk, narrow red eye glaring at your husband.

“I’ll find my wife, don’t worry about that Mr. Bakugo.” He picked his tie up off the floor and wrapped it around his neck beginning to tie it as he walked over to Bakugo. “I’m a powerful man Mr. Bakugo, how about next time you make an appointment.” He finished tying his tie.

Kirishima grabbed Bakugo by the arm just before he lunged, and security showed up.

“Bakugo, we have to leave.” Kirishima tugged on his friend’s arm pulling him to the door.

Bakugo ripped his arm from Kirishima’s grasped and turned storming out the door. He brushed several securities guards shoulder on the way before getting to the elevator. With Kirishima hot on his heels Bakugo smashed his fist into the 1st floor button.

After a long silence Kirishima cleared his throat.

“We can find her, we just gotta find a clue, you know.” Kirishima meant it as encouragement but as soon as Bakugo heard it a sob finally fell out of his mouth. The tears that were threatening to spill rolled freely down his cheeks.

One of Bakugo’s hand wiped away at his face clearing the emotional fluid from his face as he tried to control his breathing. Just then the doors opened to the elevator reveling the lobby. They exited the elevator.

“We have to find her.” Bakugo said as he left the building with Kirishima in tow behind him.

He was going to find you; he wasn’t going to give up until you were back in his arms. Being a Pro didn’t matter If he couldn’t even be your hero.

[poltoreveur]

Save Your Tears

Pairing : James Potter x Reader

Summary : James couldn't able to make up his mind whether or not he wants to stay or to run away from the entire relationship. You made the conscious decision to ended it all.

Warning : Angst, Swearing/Cursing, Underage Drinking.

Words count : 2,7k+

A/N : I've been listening to the weeknd all week and I got an idea while listening to this song. Btw, this is actually the THIRD time I tried rewriting this fic, I hate tumblr for not saving. Not read proof. After the second time, I got upset and just winged it.

The gif is mine.

The party was packed with students, all from each of the houses.

They were all laughing and having a great time with one another. Everybody certainly had their own thing and another to talk to ━ some were flirting and others were trying to make small talk with, but then there was James.

He noticed his friends had already have their own company and left the party moments ago.

It left him by himself but it wasn't like it was the first time, that it had ever happened.

James couldn't really remember what they were there for.

It was not like they had a quidditch game, that wouldn't explain the fact that everybody was practically there.

As his thoughts led him nowhere, instead he let his loneliness take charge and whisk him away to the bar, as he finally gotten himself a drink for the first time that night.

But then, he just stood there - with nobody but a cup full of firewhisky in his hand. Despite the drink being the thing he absolutely love, it seem like it couldn't save him this time. Even with his reputation as a drinker, he only had a sip of his drink so far.

As much as he couldn't refuse not going to a party this massive, he still couldn't bring himself to enjoy it.

He didn't wanted to be there.

His enthusiasm already left him body ages ago.

It was replaced with the feeling of heat as he felt his body tensing up. It all came rushing to him when he couldn't find anything else to stare at but you.

I saw you dancing in a crowded room. You look so happy when I'm not with you.

He kept on eyeing you from across the room.

You had came in to the party with your friends, having the time of your life, laughing and joking since the moment you entered the room.

It was the first time he saw you enjoying yourself in quite a while.

Your attention was so easily distracted that you failed to notice his fiery gaze on your back, watching your every movement.

You felt your body suddenly colliding with another on someone's back, you smiled once they turned around to see the seventh grade student that you've been talking to recently.

You've known him for quite a few weeks, when the two of you had ran into each other during one of his study sessions in the library.

He wasn't that terrible looking if you had to admit to yourself, and he certainly was a decent guy at first glance.

And as the time goes, the two of you started hanging around each other much more often.

You didn't really thought of much of the relationship you had with him until there were days he started to flirt with you.

And you couldn't deny it, you absolutely love the attention he was giving in to you. And at times, you would flirt back to him, trying to tease him a little.

As you noticed that your friends had paired up with some of his, you felt his hands reached down to your waist. You didn't mind it as you surely enjoyed it and lean your body back against his.

In a way, you knew that he wasn't really that interested in you. Your mind slowly realize that he probably had some other intentions than just dancing. And you were quickly proven right as you felt his hand slither down your sides again.

Though, you didn't like the idea of being taken advantage of, you certainly didn't objected to the idea of having sex with him for the night.

You let your mind take charge of your body rather than your conscious and it quickly turn heated when you felt him kissing your neck up his way to your jaw.

You couldn't deny it, you were certainly enjoying it.

As you turned around to face him and hooking your arms around his shoulder, you finally saw the eyes that was staring at you from the moment you walked into the party.

But then you saw me, caught you by surprise.

His gaze was still fixated on you, even when you already caught him red handed.

But then you soon came to realize, that you haven't seen his face this clearly for a long time.

It had been a while, it seem like you had almost forgotten how he looked like.

With all your attention suddenly averted to him, from where he had stand, the light from the room slowly showed the broad of his facial structure.

You hadn't realized how much you really do enjoy looking at him.

From where you were standing, the light had seem to bring out of his features than you had noticeably ignored before.

His face was lit only by the beam of light circular in the room. With that, you could see that he was building himself a sharper jawline than before and his face was becoming more structured somehow.

You started to wonder if it had anything to do with the two of you or you really couldn't care less to pay attention even back then at the time you were together.

Ever since the two of you parted in your own ways, you tried your best trying to avoid him at all cost.

Finding the longest way possible to get to class. Making yourself the last person to enter and first person to leave.

Even went out of your way by pushing those people who are ever close with him and avoiding the same crowd altogether.

During the time, you felt more like yourself, having your own crowd and being associated by who you are and not just James Potter's girlfriend.

Cutting off the people that surrounds him was quite easy and relieving to say the least. But his friends, couldn't stand the idea ━ mostly, Remus.

He had kept on insisting and trying to get the two of you back by saying how the we should 'sit down and have a nice conversation together.' Which you had replied by laughing in his face and promptly walking away.

But here you are again.

Finally looking at him, after weeks has passed that you seem to forgotten how his eyes may even look, you didn't know if it was from rage, the heat of the room or looking at you with someone else.

A single teardrop falling from your eye.

"You alright?"

If it wasn't for the boy to speak up, interrupting your thoughts ━ you wouldn't have even noticed the tear that was already rolling down onto your cheeks.

"Oh, yeah, 'm alright."

You look back at him, he was gripping his drink as tight as he can but his face showed a different type of emotions.

It was desperation.

You didn't know from where, and you certainly didn't stop to think if you had cause it because, how could you.

"I need to go for a moment, if you don't mind."

You excuse yourself from the senior you were dancing with, which in that moment, you didn't want to admit that his name got washed away in your mind.

I don't know why I run away.

The breakup wasn't entirely your decisions.

Though it was you who ended things off, it still wasn't your full decision to do so.

And now anger.

Anger was filling up your body from the thought of your relationship with James.

You started to think back to the night of the break up. How much there were lots of screaming and fighting, but funny was that it wasn't from your part.

You were absolutely baffled and disgusted on how you have learned to love someone as a monster like him in this world.

Not even back then you would give a thought to slap him or shout at him or even hit him no matter what anger you were building up.

But this time, you wanted to scream.

You wanted to shout at his face.

Screaming in the top of your lungs and asked him, how. How could he made you feel like that.

To make you feel as if being with you as a struggle, a problem between the choice to stay or just to end the entire relationship off.

But you knew since the moment he told you, that whatever comes next, it wasn't even your choice.

You could've asked me why I broke your heart. You could've told me that you fell apart.

That night, he kept on pushing you, edging you, trying to make you think that he wasn't there to stay. He wasn't gonna be there.

From his choices, from the moment he started to push his ways with you ━ everything that you did that night, is because it was everything he wanted to do but couldn't bring himself to do so.

But that night, it wasn't the only thing that was already handled off without you.

The thing you felt most absolutely disgusted from him was his reaction. It was the only you didn't hope for and the thing that you didn't expected from his was, relived.

The emotion plastered across his face and if someone could truly die out of a broken heart, yours was that moment right there.

You couldn't even stop to question him.

You couldn't bring yourself to ask him, why.

Because even though that question was drumming in your head, that question was already long answered when he is going back and forth between his two options.

To stay or to leave.

Funny how it was the only thing that was running through his mind during the relationship.

You couldn't stay.

Not in the relationship, not at the party.

But you walked past me like I wasn't there. And just pretended like you didn't care.

You knew this awful painful night had to end.

You couldn't stand there with the thought of hurting and breaking in your head while he was glaring at you from across the room.

The tear was already dried up from the moment you started reminiscing back to what you were.

It was quite a while before your body could function properly without breaking down in the near sight of him.

You needed to leave.

Your throat had felt so much more drier than before you were quickly hit with the wave of emotions.

But you held it against yourself.

You told yourself that you couldn't bring yourself to do so, not after the damage he had caused you.

As you tried walking pass him, trying to get to the nearest exit, something stopped you from doing so.

"Please."

You heard his voice called out over the loud sound of the room, the first word you heard from ever since, as you tried quickly walk pass him.

Take me back 'cause I wanna stay.

The question 'why' started going through your mind again. And come to think of it, you knew it was stupid for you to question why he did it.

No matter how and technicality that it was you who broke it off, but it was his conscious idea to make you drive away and leave him.

You still wanted to scream at him.

Out of everything, he made you an option.

Even in the relationship you were almost disposable, easily abandoned in his eyes.

You kept on walking, ignoring his calls for you but of course, your terms of avoidance had to stop sooner or later.

"Fucking Merlin, would you please just stop already."

You didn't, you still kept your pace as you walk pass him and was heading for the door.

"I swear to- fuck. Won't you just stop it?"

"I did, James. I stop it."

"I stop the relationship that you were so confused to even continue or keep fighting for."

You too tired for another argument.

Seeing him tonight was already draining your energy.

But not for James, he surprisingly stunned.

He had never seen you with such anger, even in the relationship or with other people, you never let yourself to implode and scream at them, no matter what mistake they did you wrong.

But every person has their limit. And James coherently proved yours.

"Fucking hell, just- please, just listen."

"What do you want? Wasn't driving me away enough? Do you want me to feel bad as well for your sorrows?"

Her words really did pain him.

But in a way, he knew he deserves it ━ after everything he had made go through.

"But can we just-"

"Fuck James, I don't want to talk about it."

His lips slowly connect with each other again, sealing himself from saying another word.

He let go of your arm that he didn't even knew he was clenching on to and slowly let his hand down.

"You can't do this to me."

She stated as she slowly turn her body to face him.

"You can't make me feel like this and just come running back for me, that's not how this works."

His thoughts of what he wanted to say to you, quickly vanishes from his mind.

The pain.

Is this what you have felt back then?

Forcing you to do something that he could've done on his own but didn't have the guts do it himself.

He was stringing you along the relationship ━ dragging you to this long, unwanted emotional battle with his demons.

He kept on pushing the better part of the relationship, making you think that he would've always stay.

But there was a point where he didn't think that he deserves you. It built up a conscious in him, saying to leave, even though he wants to stay.

I said some things that I should never say. I broke your heart like someone did to mine.

"I can't stand it, and I don't want to listen."

"Why James, why? Couldn't you at-least give me a reason why? It's the best you can do after driving me to absolute madness these few weeks."

"Because-"

"Because?"

"You know the answer, please don't make me say it."

"No."

"I want to hear it ━ say it to me."

"I can't-"

"James Fleamont Potter, you fucking say it right now or, or."

"What?"

You sigh, you know you can't stand this. You couldn't do this anymore. The argument was getting old and the fights now have nothing to meet its goal.

"We need to break up."

And now you won't love me for a second time.

I realize that I'm much too late and you deserve someone better.

"Don't make me do this the second time, please."

You plead as you stare at him.

As he reach back to his conscious, he could see the tears those were starting to form in your eyes.

Though it pains him to see you sad, your eyes were remarkably beautiful with the gloss of tears over it.

"I can't-"

He started, trying to find the ways to stop you from leaving like the first time but he only could mumbled and trip over his own words and he started to get angry at himself this time.

"I can't- I, I- this isn't fair! You can't! Tell you wouldn't do this, please don't, I-"

"James."

You voice sounded softer as you called out to his name and brush your hand on his shoulder.

He look back at you, seeing that the gloss in your eyes have fallen down from your cheeks all the way to the bottom of your jaw.

Save your tears for another day.

He couldn't stand seeing you like this.

'No, no, no.'

As his hand tried to reach for your face, you reluctantly move away and stop him from doing so.

He didn't want you to cry.

All the things that had happen for the last few minutes had been even more harder for him than it has for the last few weeks.

He knew he still loved you a lot, and maybe in a different, you still love him as well.

As you lowered his hand down, pushing it away, you gave him a weak smile before promptly leaving the room.

Even if he did drove you to it, James feels regret for breaking your heart.

When he realizes he made a grave mistake by letting her go, he tried attempting to rekindle the relationship you both once had but there was never a perfect time to do so.

Now, seeing that you're no longer interested in a relationship with him, really broke him.

It wasn't like you weren't hurting either, but it pains him the most that he will never get a chance to find someone who loves him like you did.

Furiously, he finally gulped down the drink he was holding for the past hour.

It burns his throat as he drank it with anger and smashes the glass onto the wall, causing everybody to look over at his direction.

He wishes that you walk back into the room and leap into his arms again like you use to.

But he knew he couldn't wait for something to happen, the universe just doesn't work like that.

Now, it was already way too late.