#i won’t explain it but you get it right

[starmapz]

what you know - ch6: intoxicated || r. sukuna

❦ ryomen sukuna x f!reader [college au] [ongoing series]

❝ you've heard his reputation and you've seen first-hand the way he's late to class if he even bothers to show up. paired with him for the most important project of the year, you choose to give him the benefit of the doubt- but maybe that's more than he deserves when your perfect grades depend on him, or maybe there's more to the aloof and irritable sukuna than meets the eye. ❞

❦ cw ; mdni, 18+ only. contains explicit sexual themes and content. use of alcohol. use of cannabis. use of nicotine/cigarettes. angst. hurt/no comfort. hurt/comfort. implied injury. family trauma. smut. slow burn. anxiety. tags will be updated as series continues.

❦ additional tags ; college parties and themes. sukuna ooc warning as this is a realistic take on modern sukuna. reader is fairly preppy and implied to be smaller than sukuna, but he's 6"11.

❦ words ; 12.7k.

main masterlist || series masterlist || previous chapter || next chapter - coming soon

Brushing the snow from his jacket, Sukuna flips his hood down and runs a hand through his disheveled hair. He’d gotten up early enough to work out before taking the kids to school, but in usual fashion, his overly-excitable little brother had been such a handful that Sukuna didn’t get a chance to finish getting ready. He opted for a shower and just threw on the first set of clothes he could find.

He blows a breath out through his nose, scanning the lunch hall. He hasn’t exactly worked out what the hell he’s planning on saying to you after last night, but a promise is a promise and he swore to join you for lunch. He’s failed you enough times.

He trudges up to your usual table with his hands in his pockets, his usual aloof expression plastered across his features, though it twists to confusion as he realizes you aren’t there.

Haibara’s the first to notice him as he pauses a small distance behind your blonde friend. Kento, Sukuna thinks?

“Hey, Sukuna!”

He grunts in reply, before inquiring about your whereabouts.

Shoko and Kento exchange a glance that Sukuna recognizes as cautionary. “She’s sick,” Shoko’s eyes twitch as she narrows her gaze on him suspiciously. “She is sick, right Sukuna?”

Although he doesn’t mind Shoko, he doesn’t like what she’s insinuating, even if she is right. Clenching his fists in his coat pockets, he scowls at her with a tense jaw. “How the hell should I know?”

Shoko’s gaze lingers a moment longer before she sighs, giving in. “She said she was studying at home today. She doesn’t want anyone getting sick before finals,” Shoko explains, swinging her fork around as she speaks.

“That’s nice of her,” Sukuna comments, shooting a pointed glance at Kento who won’t stop glaring at him, which only serves to piss him off further.

With a final nod of acknowledgement intended primarily for Shoko and Haibara, Sukuna turns on his heel and heads back out into the snow. He loathes the strange sensation lingering in the back of his mind that he’s retreating from Shoko and Kento’s scrutiny like a dog with its tail between its legs, but what other option does he have? He’s not about to fight with them. Pushing the thought to the back of his mind, he heads towards the library with the intention of sending you an email.

Once isolated in the cold again, he lets out a sigh as his breath billows into the freezing winter air. Contritefully, he watches as snowflakes fall slowly and dissolve on the sleeve of his coat.

Fuck.

Shoko had every right to drag him through the mud the way she had, he knows she’s right. You’re not sick. He would have believed it if you were still watching over his sick little brother, but that hasn’t been the case for a while. You’re avoiding him. Without classes, you chose to stay home and avoid the possibility of running into Sukuna.

Lightly kicking a rock as he steps through the snow, the burly man pokes the inside of his cheek with his tongue. He should be studying in the small amount of spare time he has. He should take extra shifts. He should go Christmas shopping for his brothers. He should meal prep. He should be doing anything other than skulking around campus thinking about the things going wrong in his life.

The worst part? Aside from one very large and glaring issue, you’re the source of all of his problems. Well, no, that’s not fair to you. You just happen to be at the center of all of them, but if he’s honest with himself, he knows there’s more to it than that.

You may be the source of all of his problems, but Sukuna is the cause of each and every one of them.

Taking a step towards the rock he kicked earlier, he sends it flying into the brick of the library with a satisfying thunk before ducking into the building.

Settling quietly in the corner of the library, Sukuna pulls out his laptop and opens his email, doing his best not to think too hard about what he’s typing.

sukuna.r@gmail.com - Friday, 12:11 PM heard youre sick. you okay?

After hitting send, he leans over the table, running his hands over his face to mentally reset himself before diving into his studies.

To Sukuna’s relief, you do reply to his email just over an hour into his studies. He knows he fucked up, but at least you’re still acknowledging him this time.

englishlitstudies@gmail.com - Friday, 1:34 PM Yeah, sorry. I forgot to tell you.

He frowns at the sight of your email. It’s an awfully dry response in comparison to your usual bright demeanor. His fingers rest idly over his keyboard as he contemplates his reply.

sukuna.r@gmail.com - Friday, 1:38 PM right. need anything

sukuna.r@gmail.com - Friday, 1:38 PM ?

englishlitstudies@gmail.com - Friday, 1:59 PM I’m not going to ask you for soup, Sukuna.

Okay, so you’re at least a little bit mad at him. He slumps back in his chair, staring at the ceiling.

He could bring you soup.

He could. He remembers you liking the bowl from the cafe he took you to.

He clenches his hand into a fist while biting down hard enough on his lip to draw blood. What the fuck is he thinking? Finals are next week, he’s hardly studied, he has to pick up his brothers in an hour and he has work all weekend.

He doesn’t have time to chase after his frayed connection to you.

His eyes trail across the speckled library ceiling. There’s a water stain just to the left of where he sits. He remembers thinking those sorts of marks were coffee when he was a kid. In retrospect, that makes no sense.

Hell, it makes about as much sense as Sukuna’s obsession with you as of late. He doesn’t have the time, nor the mental capacity to be sitting here stewing over an email that he could be reading too much into.

Leaning forward over the table with a huff, his fingers run across the keys on his laptop as he formulates a reply that’s painfully him.

sukuna.r@gmail.com - Friday, 2:09 PM feel better

It doesn’t shock him that you don’t reply this time.

–

For the better part of the week, a feeling of unease seems to follow Sukuna like a fly he can’t seem to swat away. Even through finals, he finds himself wanting nothing more than to slam his head against his desk in hopes that thoughts of his fuck up might finally leave.

Yet the taste of you always remains on his tongue.

Bittersweet, like the sweetest memory tainted with the reminder that it never should have happened.

It was a mistake.

Throwing his hood up over his head, he leaves the school with one thing in mind.

Your fratboy friend is throwing his end of finals party tonight and Sukuna has every intention to drink to forget. To forget about the lawsuit, to forget about the ways he’s failed his little brothers, and most importantly: to forget about you.

He knows the feeling won’t last forever, but shit, it’ll be worth the way that he pleaded with Choso’s friend’s mother to take Yuji for the night too for a sleepover.

He just needs to escape for the night. He can worry about mentally resetting himself tomorrow morning when he wakes up with a killer hangover on some disgusting couch in Gojo’s ridiculous and over-decorated house.

Until then, he’ll continue on with his day as usual, picking up his brothers from school and cooking something to eat.

“Kuna Kuna Kuna Kuna Kuna Kuna Kuna Kuna-”

“What?”

“- Kuna Kuna Kuna Kuna Kuna Kuna Kuna-”

“Brat! What do you want?” He shoots a look of irritation at his little brother as the youngest Itadori bounds up to him with some sort of craft in his hand.

Sukuna sets his spatula down, leaning down to get a better view of the beaded creation in Yuji’s hand. There’s a yellow lizard dappled in black spots proudly seated atop his outstretched hand as though he’s a mad scientist showing off his greatest creation.

“It’s a lizard.”

“It’s a gecko,” the little boy proudly corrects him.

Sukuna’s nose wrinkles in exasperation. “Same thing.”

“No. They’re not.” This, of course, launches into a five minute explanation of the difference between lizards and geckos, which Sukuna hums along to as he rises back to his full height to continue cooking dinner.

“- so geckos are lizards but they’re not the same as lizards,” Yuji finishes his explanation, tugging at his older brother’s hoodie to hold out his gecko again. “This one’s a leopard gecko.”

“Didn’t know you liked lizards so much, Yu.” Sukuna’s tone is mild, a calm expression plastered on his face. Yuji’s interests change by the day, the only constant seeming to be pokemon and sports, though he’s gone from basketball to tennis to hockey over the course of the last year. Not that Sukuna can afford his interest in hockey, and cautiously pushed him back towards basketball.

Turns out when you’re five, all you need is for your cool older brother to install a basketball net on the back of your door and lift you up to do a slam dunk to be enthralled with the sport again. Sukuna thanks god for that.

“I love lizards!” He beams.

Sukuna hums, a rare smile pulling at his lips. “It’s a nice bead gecko.”

“Leopard gecko. Thanks Kuna! Guess who showed us how to make them?”

The corner of his lip twitches as he stares down at the spotted bead lizard. There’s no shock when Yuji says your name. The shock comes from the dreadful feeling that sits like a stone in the base of his stomach at just the sound of your name.

Fuck, he needs a drink.

“Can I show her?”

“No, Yu.”

“Please?”

“No-”

“Please? Pleeeeeeeaaaaaase?”

This has been a repeating situation practically all week. Yuji seemed to want to show every little thing to you and won’t relent until Sukuna sends an email. He would demand to know what you replied each and every time, and while there’s a part of Sukuna that’s grateful it gave him an excuse to reach out and hold onto your tense relationship, it equally caused him to relive his guilty conscience.

Sukuna sighs, giving in to the relentless pleading of his youngest brother.

“Fine. Let me finish dinner.”

With a cheer, Yuji runs off excitedly to inform Choso to prepare his best lizard to send a photo.

Sukuna’s shoulders rise and fall heavily as he lets out a breath. He stares down at the pan in front of him, the sizzling of gnocchi and tomato sauce offering little distraction from his wandering thoughts.

It seemed no matter what he did, you were so ingrained in his life that he couldn’t escape you.

To say that’s what he wanted in the first place would be a lie. No, he never wanted to escape. He still doesn’t. He just wants things to go back to the way they were before he let his dick do all the thinking and kissed you.

If he wanted to escape, he wouldn’t have searched for you in the crowds during finals. He wouldn’t have frustratedly tossed his textbook on his desk with a thump that made Choso jump and come check on him. Your words echoed in his mind as he feigned a smirk and sent the boy away.

He’s worried about you.

Choso’s too smart for his age. He should be playing games with his friends, begging to see a PG-13 rated movie, anything but worrying about his own guardian.

The pop of tomato sauce brings him back to the present, and he hisses at the feeling of the boiling liquid hitting his forearm. He sets the spatula aside, shutting off the stove and wiping the sauce off with his thumb, popping it into his mouth with a pop!

He needs to get his shit together.

He calls the kids into the dining area for dinner, and before long he’s sitting in front of his laptop, the screen pointed at his brothers, waiting for Choso and Yuji to position themselves in front of the camera with big smiles. In Yuji’s hand is the leopard gecko that he figures you must have told him about, proudly displayed with a toothy smile. Choso’s lizard is a dark purple with a white stripe, his smile more reserved but his eyes shine just as bright.

Sukuna snaps the photo, pulling his laptop back towards him. Yuji clambers onto Sukuna’s lap, met with a grunt and a mildly irritated “enough, Yu.” Choso peers at the laptop screen quietly, watching as Sukuna opens his email chain with you. The last few emails between you both are almost the same as this one, typing out that the kids wanted to show you their lizards.

Your replies to his brothers’ antics have been more positive than your replies to him. He wonders if you knew they were constantly asking about your responses or if the rift between you was healing, but he assumes the former. You’re good with his brothers. They adore you, and you seem to feel the same towards them.

“Tell her my new favorite lizard is um-” Yuji pauses to think, pulling Sukuna back to the present. It seems he’s lost in thought a lot lately. “A frilled lizard!”

“Mm.” He glances at Choso, urging the young boy to choose one as well.

“I like… iguanas.”

Sukuna nods, typing out the boys’ message to you before hitting send. “There. Now go get ready for your sleepover.”

He lets out a sigh as his brothers restlessly go bursting out the door back to their rooms to pack a bag, ensuring they bring just about every unnecessary toy and game and no toothbrush or toothpaste to be found. Exhausted from his finals, he drags himself along after them, packing jackets, gloves, extra socks and toiletries in their stead with a lazy scolding to be more careful.

He’s beyond burnt out and while he usually resents the mother of Choso’s friend for her obviously pitious comments towards Sukuna’s situation, for once he’s glad for her sympathy. If it means he gets just one full night to himself where he can fuck off and forget about all his problems, then he’ll take it. He’ll run with it and he won’t look back.

Once he’s loaded their backpacks into the lady’s car and provided his neighbor’s number in case of emergencies, he finds himself slumping back in his bed in relief. Despite his solace, the silence carries with it an eerie sense of foreboding. He doesn’t think he’s been alone in the comfort of his own home in almost three years now, and it should be a freeing feeling, yet he’s filled with trepidation in place of relaxation.

“Fuck this,” he mutters, dragging his hands down his face. He’s never been early to a party before but fuck it, he needs to dull the sharp edges of worry and doubt with alcohol. Grabbing his keys, he opens his locked bedside table drawer, violently shoving aside ripped legal papers to grab a few blunts and a shooter of Jack Daniels. His hand hovers over a small bottle of Everclear, but he opts to keep it for a later date, certain he’ll need the hard liquor another time.

Shutting and locking the drawer, he languidly begins getting ready, moving at a sluggish pace as he runs gel through his hair in order to get it spiked just how he prefers. He grabs a Danzig shirt, the sleeves chopped at the sides with arm holes deep enough that anyone could get a peek at his abs and chest. Topping it off with a black denim long sleeve and a pair of gray joggers, he rolls his sleeves up to his elbows and throws on some cologne.

He pauses before heading out the door, his laptop seeming to loom over him like a ghost, begging him to check his email.

englishlitstudies@gmail.com - Friday, 7:51 PM Yuji!! Choso!! Those both look amazing!! You’re both so creative, it looks like it runs in the family :) Iguanas and frilled lizards are great choices. Maybe if you can steal your big brother’s laptop for a bit, you can find a bead frog tutorial. My favorite is the desert rain frog! They kind of remind me of your brother. ;)

It reminds you of him? A frog?

A quick google search has him scowling at his screen, an equally grumpy looking frog staring back at him.

Stupid. It’s stupid. He shouldn’t have looked.

Shutting the search window, his eyes train once more on your message to his brothers. Despite the fact that he wrote the email, you still seem to be upset with him, choosing to answer as though his brothers wrote it. At least you still teased him about looking like a frog.

Even if it’s stupid. It’s a stupid frog.

Slamming his laptop shut, he tosses his coat on, pockets his broken lighter in the side that isn’t singed, and makes his way out the door towards campus and Gojo’s frat house.

The weather has warmed up significantly over the past week to the point where he can’t see his breath anymore, although the ground is still coated in a thick layer of snow. Pulling out a blunt from his pocket between two deft fingers, he sets it between his lips, lighting the end and inhaling deeply.

Among the many poor decisions Sukuna has made throughout his life, he didn’t mind adding tonight to his list if it meant drinking to forget and smoking to feel calm.

Although he’s earlier than most of the crowd, the music is already pumping loudly through speakers, bass booming through the ground beneath his feet as he makes his way up the porch stairs. He doesn’t recognize the frat boy letting people in, but one disinterested glare from Sukuna is all it takes for him to step aside. After all, who wouldn’t recognize Sukuna?

Swapping his lighter to his joggers’ pocket, he tosses his jacket over a coat rack and heads further into the house in search of something hard to get him buzzed as soon as possible. He blows smoke over the heads of most of the crowd, one of the perks of being nearly seven feet tall, as he heads towards the back of the house where he knows he’ll find the kitchen.

The further he moves from the makeshift dance floor in the front living area, the more reasonable the music volume becomes. College students chatter amongst each other, speaking loudly over the pumping bass, when a familiar voice grabs his attention.

“You made it!”

“Hey, buddy.”

“Well, well, look who decided to show his face.”

Sharp crimson irises flit between Uraume and Atsuya, who greet him casually, landing lastly on none other than Toji Zenin. Always at odds with Sukuna with a shit-eating grin as he pushes the pink-haired man’s buttons just a little bit too far.

“Uraume. Atsuya. Toji.”

It’s a miracle he still considers Toji a friend. Well, maybe an acquaintance. He certainly won’t bring Toji into the fray that is his life any time soon.

And Atsuya, well… The Kusakabe family is known for wealth, so Sukuna likes to keep him at arms’ length as well. Still, he enjoys his company. Uraume is easily his closest friend and he won’t deny that seeing them seems to ease his tension, even if only a little bit.

“So, finally decided we’re worth your time again? Or did you mess shit up with your girl?” Toji barks out a laugh, as though anything he’s saying is humorous.

“She ain’t my girl,” Sukuna growls, making a point of blowing smoke towards him.

“Dunno, you two seemed pretty close at lunch last week.” The scar on the corner of his lip stretches as he grins, taking a sip of whatever concoction is in his solo cup.

“Fuck off, Zenin,” Sukuna grumbles with a roll of his eyes. Toji should consider himself lucky he isn’t about to be at the center of Sukuna’s anger, saved only by the cannabis circling Sukuna’s system and dulling his thoughts, his anger, his mind. With a huff, Sukuna heads towards the kitchen to grab a drink.

“I see he still enjoys getting on your nerves,” Uraume observes, falling into step with him.

“Mm. Dunno how ya tolerate that asshole so much,” he comments, coming to a stop in the kitchen where he stubs out his blunt in an ashtray and opens the first bottle of rum he can find, pouring himself a rum and coke.

That is, if you can consider something that’s sixty percent rum a ‘rum and coke’.

“Me too, please,” Uraume requests. Sukuna hums, pouring a much more reasonable split of alcohol for them. “You can complain as much as you would like about Toji, but I know you two used to be close. Even if he can be a pain, I can tell you aren’t as bothered as you wish for him to believe.”

It’s true. Back in high school, the two were inseparable. Toji didn’t even mind when Sukuna’s father asked the two to take young Choso along to a basketball court or movie, so long as it was appropriate. Their issues came when Sukuna’s father passed away in their first year of college and he refused to speak with his best friend about it, choosing instead to take on mountains of stress on his own. As usual, Sukuna was the cause of his own problems.

Moving out of the dorms and finding a place for his two kid brothers to stay with him, that was a whole other challenge. Learning to change diapers, figuring out a schedule that worked both for the kids’ school and his education, that was what nearly dragged Sukuna to an early grave when he got horribly sick.

That’s where Uraume stepped in, helping to alleviate some of his classwork by taking on additional project work for him. They always expected something in return, but that’s just the way Sukuna preferred to make deals. They helped him get into the swing of taking care of two young kids.

Somewhere along that path, he came to the realization that they’d also had a big piece in both his and Choso’s recovery from grief. Sukuna had grown angry and Choso hardly spoke a word. Although still irritable, Sukuna is generally more reasonable nowadays and although still quiet, Choso is more talkative than he has been in a long time.

In particular with you. He knows Choso adores you, although he’s not as loud as Yuji is about it. Yuji may as well scream it from the tops of buildings.

Taking an unreasonably large sip of his drink, he wills away thoughts of you, replacing what he gulped down with more rum.

Uraume’s brow raises. “Difficult day?”

“Somethin’ like that,” he grumbles, alcohol and cannabis running through his veins and sending his mind into a haze so that he just might be able to handle Toji. “How’ve you been?”

“I’m relieved finals are over,” Uraume takes a sip of their drink with a small smile. “And it’s good to see you around again.”

“I saw you two days ago,” Sukuna points out, arching a brow.

They hum. “Yes, but Toji has a point. You’ve been spending more time with your project partner than us, which is unusual for you.”

He sighs. “Shit, guess I have.”

“Don’t misunderstand me, Sukuna. I know you’re busy, and I can see she means a lot to you, but-”

“She’s just a project partner.”

Uraume purses their lips as they side-eye him. “... Right. Remind me, when did your project end?”

Sukuna’s jaw clenches, shooting them a sharp look.

“As I was saying, I can see that she means a lot to you, so I don’t mind. I do wish you would get a new phone as I do miss texting, but our friendship won’t change.” They shoot him a reassuring smile, one that Sukuna lowers his defenses at the sight of.

“However Toji and Atsuya aren’t aware of your situation, which makes it appear as though you’re spending all of your time with her.” Uraume takes a sip of their drink, carding a hand through their snowy locks.

“Mm.” Sukuna runs his tongue over his lower lip as they approach the couch that Toji’s splayed himself over, manspreading with a bottle of beer held in one fist. He recognizes Toji’s cousin Naoya Zenin on the other end of the couch, surprised the two can even stand to be within five feet of one another. Toji may be an asshole, but somewhere buried beneath all that muscle is a fairly genuine person. Naoya, on the other hand, is the kind of person Sukuna wouldn’t mind socking in the face once or twice.

“So,” Toji starts, that infuriating grin returning. “Tell us ‘bout your girl.”

Sukuna chooses to stand between Atsuya and Uraume, his two friends who are decidedly less irritating. It’s a wonder him and Toji were ever close to begin with, though Sukuna supposes he was a lot different back when they hung out more.

The world had changed Sukuna, hardened him into a shell of what he once was.

“I told you, Zenin,” Sukuna hisses, “she’s not my girl.”

Toji scoffs, a wide grin across his face. “Yeah right. Ya got fuckin’ heart-eyes for her. Holdin’ her hand in the lunch hall n’ shit.”

Sukuna downs more of his rum, relishing in the burn as it slides down his throat. “We were studying, shithead. I owe her a favor, that’s all.”

“Yeah? You gonna bring her home n’ cuddle all cute-like?” The raven-headed man teases.

Atsuya sighs at Sukuna’s side, chewing idly on a toothpick. “Can you two shut up?” He grumbles, knuckles white as he grips his beer bottle tighter at the grating sound of their argument. “Giving me a damn headache.”

“C’mon Atsuya, I know ya saw it too,” Toji eggs both men on.

“Toji, enough,” Uraume scolds.

“Nah, I know Atsuya saw it.”

A muscle ticks in Sukuna’s jaw, his teeth grinding as he does what he can to push his frustrations aside. Turns out a full solo cup and blunt aren’t enough to dull Sukuna’s senses to the point where he can tolerate this conversation.

He’s supposed to be forgetting, yet here Toji is pushing the thought of you back in his face, infuriating him.

He downs the rest of his rum in two gulps, staring at the empty cup with a scowl, completely dazed as he tunes out the sound of his friends.

Heart-eyes. As-fucking-if. He scoffs to himself at the thought, staring back over the heads of the crowd towards the kitchen. He needs something harder after all. He should have brought the Everclear.

His relationship with you is similar to that of him and Uraume, he’s sure of it. It doesn’t go beyond that.

So why is he drinking to forget you?

Finally pulled from his thoughts, he turns on his heel to get something harder when he realizes where the conversation has turned in his absence.

Naoya questioningly tilts his head at Toji, a sleazy grin on his face as your name leaves his lips. Sukuna’s lip instinctively curls in disgust at the sound of your name leaving his lips. That’s not where it belongs, and Sukuna doesn’t dare imagine a world where this asshole so much as looks at you, because he thinks it just might give him an aneurysm.

Hell, he thinks an aneurysm would be kinder than the thought of Naoya Zenin ever looking your way.

“She’s fuckin’ hot, she’d look sexy as hell under-” Naoya’s gaze seems to search the crowd for you, a predatory gleam in his eyes. Toji interrupts with a distasteful snarl, but it’s Sukuna’s words that seem to cut the crowd, red hot rage boiling in his chest.

“Don’t you dare fucking finish that sentence,” Sukuna barks, his tone low as he takes a step towards the vile excuse for a human being.

Naoya hardly seems phased by Sukuna’s outburst, although the throng of the crowd has dimmed in the face of Sukuna’s fury. “Aw, is she claimed, Sukuna? Is she your little playth-”

Sukuna barrels forward, not offering Naoya the time of day to speak.

Naoya’s eyes widen as Sukuna’s fist raises, barely managing to cower out of the way in time as Sukuna’s knuckles narrowly miss the blonde’s face and collide with the back of the couch. His eyes swirl with a ferocity that his friends haven’t seen before as they all leap towards him. Atsuya and Toji grab either of his arms and with a harsh pull from Toji, Sukuna stumbles backwards. They’re lucky he’s tipsy and not as stable as usual.

“Woah buddy, I’m all for teaching him a lesson, but let’s not start shit right now.” Atsuya speaks from a place of reason, but Sukuna knows he simply doesn’t want their group to get thrown out by Gojo.

… Again.

At least last time, it was Toji who started shit with Naoya.

Sukuna’s teeth are gritted as his friends hold him back. Naoya’s face has twisted from barely disguised fear into a satisfied smirk. “Did I touch a nerve, big guy?”

Sukuna lunges forward, stumbling back into the wall behind him as Toji pulls him back harshly. He grunts as his back collides with the wall, venom dripping from each syllable as he speaks in a dangerous tone. “If I hear you talkin’ about anyone like that again, I won’t hesitate to throw you through the nearest fucking wall.” Sukuna stares down at his knuckles that collided with the wooden back of the couch. They’re not bleeding, but they’ll bruise.

Naoya opens his mouth to retort, but his words die in his throat when Sukuna pushes off the wall, standing at his full height. Naoya’s tall, but Sukuna makes everyone look short. His usual smug expression falls as he chooses the cowardly option and slips away with an irritated grumble. The crowd that had gathered to watch the spat slowly begins to return to their conversations again, not daring to shoot a glance at the monstrous man spitting threats at the back of the room.

Sukuna huffs, flexing his hand as he moves past his friends to head back towards the kitchen, shoving his way through the crowd. He’s tipsy, but fuck, it’s not enough.

His brothers, his friends, even Naoya, why does everything constantly lead back to you? It’s like you’re some sort of succubus with your claws buried deep within the recesses of his mind that he can’t escape. Yet even as he spins the cap off of a bottle of Jack, he realizes it's his resentment of the way you’re so deeply ingrained in his life that’s causing him to think such a thing.

You’re not a succubus, you’re more like a fairy. Soft, sweet, and kind.

Sukuna pauses his motions, staring down at the bottle. His fingers drum lightly on the stem of the glass as something akin to distress stirs deep within him. He grips the bottle with white knuckles, his throat tight. Before he has time to consider what it is that you mean to him, Toji comes jogging over.

“Hey, everythin’ alright, man?”

The look on his face reminds Sukuna of a time long past. Of late nights at barely-lit skateparks as Sukuna learned the ropes of graffiti. Of long afternoons chatting as they passed a basketball back and forth in the late afternoon sun. It wasn’t so long ago but it feels like a lifetime after the battering Sukuna’s last few years have caused him.

“Why the hell is he even invited?” The pink-haired brute gruffs rather than offering a reply to Toji.

No, he’s not okay.

“Everyone’s invited, Ryo.”

Sukuna shoots him a glare. Everyone’s gotta have a nickname for him, don’t they? He sighs heavily, letting out a long breath before downing several gulps of Jack straight from the bottle. Just once, he wishes he was a lightweight.

He just wants his mind to go blank. He wants the racing thoughts to stop.

“Woah, let’s pace ourselves, yeah?” Toji reaches out to grab the bottle with a grimace, eyeing his long-time friend as he sets the Jack down and pours them both much more reasonable looking ratios of rum to coke. “Alright, so I guess you’re not okay. That’s fine,” he mumbles as he passes Sukuna a cup. “Let’s jus’ go have some drinks, forget about my cousin, yeah?”

With a barely veiled huff, Sukuna pushes off the counter as he follows after Toji.

Sitting alongside Toji and Uraume, a haze begins to settle over his mind that finally leaves him more comfortable. His anger dissipates and he eases more casually into conversation with his friends, something he’s needed more than ever before.

Finally, even if only for a night, he can forget.

–

“Shoko, this goes so low,” you whisper as though saying it any louder might proclaim it to the entire world.

“Yeah, that’s the point,” she retorts, grinning at you in the mirror.

“But it’s winter,” you whine, staring in the mirror at the black dress that, admittedly, does hug your curves just right, but god you feel exposed. It’s also not your usual style, and you know exactly what Shoko’s doing and why.

Ever since you mentioned being sick, she’s been on your ass about what Sukuna did, regardless of how adamant you are that he did nothing.

It’s a lie and you haven’t fooled a soul.

Sukuna did hurt you.

Again.

This time, though, there’s a certain trepidation that sits alongside the pang of hurt. Like you’re not quite sure that you’re allowed to feel hurt, so you hide it behind a smile and a lie that Sukuna did nothing wrong.

No amount of stewing over what happened in Sukuna’s bedroom has given you any answers. You’re stuck somewhere in between feeling guilty for ever expecting anything romantic from him and feeling hurt that his best attempt to reach out was a sad ‘feel better’.

Hours of wondering if all you are to him is another warm body in his bed, even though the rational part of you knows it doesn’t make sense when no one knows his reality except you. Hours of wondering if he feels anything towards you at all or if he simply doesn’t care.

Yet your mind clung to one thing, one thin string that seemed to tie to an impossible ideal. Still, you couldn’t push the thought away.

If you really mean nothing to Sukuna, why is he acting weird? Why won’t he reach out properly, hiding behind his brothers? Why hasn’t he completely pushed you away?

If you were nothing more than a babysitter, he wouldn’t bother reaching out, right?

But if you were nothing more than a warm body to him, why hasn’t he pushed you away?

Shoko scoffs, the sound grounding you to the present. “Girl, you know Gojo will let us use his closet for our jackets. That’s your worst excuse yet.” She rolls her eyes, tossing your winter coat at you. “No more complaining, we’re going.”

You cast one more glance at the frilly black dress that barely reaches your knees and follow after Shoko.

The air is warmer than you expect, making your argument even less valid the moment you’re outside. You don’t bother to refute Shoko’s triumphant teasing, even as she mentions all the people you’ll surely attract in that dress.

Your stomach stirs uneasily at the thought.

As the staple at Gojo’s parties that you two are, the frat boy at the entrance shoots you both a kind grin as he lets you through. Why they bother with a bouncer at a party everyone on campus received an invite for is beyond you, but you return the smile regardless.

The thrum of music and thick scent of liquor, weed, and perspiration suffocates your senses as you enter the house. It’s familiar, and you know exactly where Gojo and Geto will be tucked away. Nanami and Haibara headed home practically the moment finals ended.

Making your way past the kitchen and grabbing a cooler, you slip past a game of beer pong and peer out the patio to the backyard. Sure enough, the snow’s been cleared and a massive fire pit is raging in the corner. Geto and Gojo are sitting around the fire alongside a few other frat members you recognize and some women very obviously vying for a place on one of their arms.

“My two favorite ladies!” Satoru calls out as you carefully make your way over the packed snow, trying desperately not to slip in your heels. You wrap your arms around yourself, thankful for the raging fire as you and Shoko take your seats between Satoru and Suguru.

“Why do you wanna sit outside?” You mumble, holding your hands out to the fire.

Suguru chuckles beside you. “I tried to convince him otherwise, but he wouldn’t have it.”

“It’s warm tonight!” The snowy-haired man insists with an overdramatic pout.

“Just because it’s not freezing doesn’t make it warm, dumbass,” Shoko rolls her eyes, pulling out a pack of cigarettes. She offers them to the group, though only Suguru takes one. She leans over you to light it for him, smoke billowing in the air around you.

With a drink in your hand and your friends at your side, conversation comes easily and you all keep close to the fire, stoking it often to keep a steady flame. Eventually, the mix of the flame and the alcohol warms you up and with toasty cheeks, you’re staring at the fire with a steady buzz.

“How do you think your finals went?” Suguru inquires, leaning back in his camping chair.

“Killed it,” you reply confidently, eyes glazed with the thrill of vodka. “I even think I nailed history,” you proudly tell him, straightening your posture with a gleam in your eyes.

“Mmm, would a particular history major have to do with that?” He asks, a teasing lilt to his smooth voice. Your proud stance falters, your cheeks heating up further as you can only offer him a shy smile, too inebriated to defend yourself as your stomach jumps at the mere thought of him. Suguru chuckles. “I see. I’m just teasing, I won’t push like Shoko does.”

“Hey! I’m a great friend,” she narrows her eyes in a playful scowl, though Suguru just grins.

After the busy last month of the semester, not to mention finals, you’re relieved to share warm moments like these with your friends, reveling in the jokes and laughter filling the air around you.

Being able to indulge in partying is a relief too. Although Satoru does it every second or third day, you can’t partake in the same luxuries and still expect to pass. Life isn’t quite as kind to you as it seems to be for the blue-eyed campus royalty. Between your studies and looking after Choso and Yuji, you’ve had your time well-occupied for the past month.

That’s not even beginning to mention the resumes you’ve been editing for some quick cash, on top of your own.

Not that it’ll be enough extra cash to get you home for Christmas. You know your parents tried, but they’re already doing their best to pay for your apartment and day-to-day expenses. At the end of the day, you can’t sacrifice any of your savings for a trip home, as much as you would like to.

You just have to hold onto the fact that you’ll see them once you start working. Most of your friends will go home for Christmas, but that’s okay. Nanami even offered to pay your way home and have you join him and Haibara, but that just didn’t seem fair, as much as you wanted to take him up on his offer.

You’ll enjoy your time video chatting and maybe take some time to visit Satoru and Suguru’s families, who’ve kindly invited you along.

“Deep in thought?”

“Hm?”

Suguru smiles, amused. “Distracted, are we?”

Your cheeks heat up, embarrassed. “Sorry. What were you saying?” You offer him a kind smile.

“I was offering another drink, would you like me to grab you something?” He taps your empty can.

“Oh! Actually, I’ll come with you I think.”

Suguru hums, leading the way back towards Satoru’s kitchen with a much wider gait than your own. “What are you having?”

“Just whatever cooler is fine,” you shrug as he leans down into the fridge. He pulls out a couple of coolers to give you options, returning to the fridge with the can you choose not to take.

Your eyes scan the crowd from the kitchen with a mirthful, albeit dazed expression that falters when you come face-to-face with the one person who’s been a constant in your thoughts for the past week.

He’s hard to miss, towering over the crowd with a head of pink hair and sharp tattoos decorating his features. Your heart pounds in your chest at the mere sight of him. Clearly a week away from him has done your heart no favors.

Sukuna looks good. You’re so accustomed to seeing him exhausted in deep blue coveralls or a big hoodie with wet, disheveled hair and a frown that seeing him with a relaxed smirk, his hair pushed back out of his face and a chain sat around his neck, he looks handsome.

You bite your lip, tearing your gaze away from him to turn back to Suguru. A knowing smirk has found its way onto Suguru’s face and he chuckles. “Go talk to him.”

Of course, he doesn’t know about the strange fissure sitting soundly between you and Sukuna, but you appreciate his encouragement nonetheless. Even if his tone is teasing, he does have a much more genuine way of handling things than Satoru would have.

For a moment, you do consider Suguru’s encouragement, turning back to Sukuna in the corner of the house, but your heart drops as the crowd shifts.

Standing in front of Sukuna is a tall woman with long, blonde hair. You recognize her from the Volleyball team, she’s gorgeous and Sukuna’s leaning down, his lips close to her ear as he blatantly flirts with her. His eyes are lidded and tinged in red, likely both drunk and high, and he chuckles along to something the blonde says.

Blinking a couple of times, you feel your heart sinking, green with envy. You appreciate Suguru’s encouragement, but maybe you should resign yourself to a world where your feelings remain unrequited and you’re just friends with Sukuna. That is, if he even still wants to be around you. He’s so difficult and hard to read and that’s not to mention the fact he hasn’t even attempted to talk about the heated kiss- 

Sukuna’s eyes flicker upwards, meeting yours and stopping. His lidded expression falters, lips pursed. His brow furrows as the woman tugs on his shirt to get his attention and pull him closer, his gaze flickering between her and you.

You tear your gaze from him, turning back to Suguru. With a light touch to his bicep to get his attention as he pours himself something, you force a smile. “I think I’m gonna go find a quiet corner to get some air,” you tell him, slinking away before he can protest. With one final glance back at Sukuna, who’s returned his attention to the blonde, you slip into the crowd.

Pushing through sweaty bodies, the bass and crowd seems to box you in. Your heart is racing too fast, your mind too buzzed, your world too hazy to be trying to handle this many people.

Finding the stairs brings with it a sense of relief, no longer suffocated by the loud music and overwhelming smell of liquor. On the top floor, several of the rooms are shut, telltale signs of couples finding makeshift privacy and you don’t dare peek into any of them. You head straight for Satoru’s room, knowing well that it’ll be locked, and knowing equally well that you have the digital code to get in.

2-3-7-8.

B-E-S-T.

Cocky as ever.

Slipping inside, you shut the door behind you and take a breath as the ringing in your ears gradually begins to mute. Taking a seat on the edge of Gojo’s bed, you let out a long breath. You’ve spent hours on end in this exact spot, watching Satoru and Suguru compete in Super Smash Bros long after you and Shoko had been knocked out.

It doesn’t usually feel so lonely.

Pulling out your phone from within your bra, the only place you could store it, you find yourself doom-scrolling whatever social media has new content. It’s a poor effort to return to the happy state you’d found yourself in only a few minutes ago, and unsurprisingly it doesn’t return.

You’re not sure how long you sit in that spot, but with nothing left to scroll, you get to your feet and pad slowly towards the window, staring out towards the balcony that overlooks the backyard. Flipping the lock, you step out into the chill air, but it hardly seems to touch you, protected by the warmth of liquor in your veins.

You should probably get a coat given that the alcohol won’t really protect you and you’re not close enough to the fire to bask in its heat, but you don’t think you care enough. Not if it means seeing the one person whose presence suffocates you. The crowd is one thing, but Sukuna seems to outweigh every single one of them with just one glance. He crowds your world in a way a group of sweaty unknown college students can’t.

You wonder if maybe you had found him earlier in the night, if maybe you would have had the courage to ask about the kiss. Liquid courage maybe, but courage nonetheless.

You wonder if he would have told you it meant nothing and to move on from him. You wonder if he would have told you to fuck off. If you’re nothing to him.

Yet somehow those don’t seem to scratch the surface of the complicated canyon of emotions that holds you both at arms’ length. Each possibility is too simple.

With a sigh, you cross your arms over the balcony, letting the cold metal raise goosebumps along your skin as you rest your chin on them. Down below, your friends seem like they’re having a good time. Shoko’s attention is on another brunette you recognize from your history class while Satoru and Suguru joke alongside some other frat members.

You long to be a part of that, but you know you would be feigning a smile if you returned.

You shouldn’t be this drunk and this jealous when Sukuna isn’t yours and never has been. Hell, he hasn’t even spoken to you in-person since the kiss.

Maybe you’re this jealous because you’re this drunk.

“Need a jacket?”

You startle at the sound of Sukuna’s voice, a mix of dread, uncertainty, and jealousy raging in your system.

“You scared me,” you murmur, standing upright. Great, just who you want to see.

Sukuna hums. “My bad.” Shutting the balcony door behind him, he takes a couple of steps forward until he’s next to you, though he keeps an uneasy distance between you.

The drop-off between you is so evident it’s almost as though it’s real and physically repelling you from one another. Sukuna shuffles, the silence unbearable to his inebriated mind as he blurts out the first thing that comes to mind.

“I didn’t fuck her.”

You sigh, rolling your eyes as the shed in the corner of the yard suddenly becomes of great interest. “Don’t say it like that…” you mumble, wrapping your arms around yourself.

“I didn’t have sex with ‘er.”

You sigh again. The phrasing wasn’t really the point behind your words, but he’s either too drunk, too high, or too focused on the way you took a step away from him to notice. “It’s none of my business, Sukuna.”

He doesn’t know what to say to fix this. You’re talking to him, and that’s a start, but he’s way too far gone to soundly come up with an apology that makes sense, so his mouth just starts running.

“My apartment’s overrun with lizards.”

Even upset, you crack a smile. It’s hard not to at the thought of his little brothers absolutely littering his place in little bead lizards, all because you showed them the trick to the feet.

“The lil’ brat lectured me on the difference between lizards n’ geckos,” he pauses, a noticeable slur to his drunken speech. “Still think they’re pretty much th’same.”

“They’re a species and a subspecies,” you reply monotonously.

Sukuna doesn’t like your tone, devoid of any emotion. He shuffles slightly towards you. You look hot, but Sukuna knows better now than to blindly follow his desires, even in his completely intoxicated state. “Jus’ because you added ‘sub’ t’the word doesn’ make ‘em different.”

You let out a long sigh. “Are we not gonna talk about it, Sukuna?” You wrap your arms tighter around yourself as you turn to face him.

He straightens, pinned in place by your conflicted scowl. Your eyes are glazed, you’re drunk too, and you seem more upset than your emails lead him to believe. Maybe it’s just the alcohol clouding his ability to grasp your expressions.

“‘M sorry.”

“You’re sorry?” You echo his apology, a brow quirked.

“Yeah. It was a mistake.”

That hits you like a slap in the face and you purse your lips, staring at the ground as you take one, two steps back from him, with the intention of heading back inside. No, with the intention of going home. 

“Fuck, no, no. Wait.” Sukuna’s jaw hangs ajar as he follows your stride, walking two steps towards you. His tongue runs across his lower lip as he hesitates, brushing a hand through his hair. “That’s not what I meant.”

Your throat is tight as you fight back tears. You can’t help but wish you weren’t drunk while having this conversation, then maybe the tears wouldn’t be so quick.

“I-” Sukuna fights with himself, “- I was thinkin’ with the wrong head.”

Right. So he’s doubling down on it being a mistake. You nod slowly, turning away with a sharp intake of breath.

“Wait, shit. Wait. ‘M sorry, I’m way too fuckin’ drunk n’ high n’ shit to be doin’ this right now,” he scrambles with his words, taking another step after you. You stop again, giving him another chance to explain himself. You’ve always been too kind and patient with him.

Grappling with the thoughts running through his mind, he shuts his eyes for a moment with a deeply furrowed brow, red eyes dilating as the light of Gojo’s bedroom behind you illuminates your silhouette. Your dress suits you and frames your curves so well that it’s driving him insane, jumbling his thoughts even further. These thoughts are what got him into this situation to begin with.

“There was so much shit goin’ on n’ I wasn’t thinkin’ straight,” he slurs, red eyes flickering between yours. He can see the hurt in your eyes and he’s far too inebriated to even begin thinking about why it is that you’re so hurt he would refer to the kiss as a mistake. That’s a can of worms he can’t possibly begin to wrap his brain around in this state. “I was jus’... I dunno. I was chasin’ somethin’ I shoudn-” he pauses as his words slur, “- I shouldn’t have.”

You let out a scoff of disbelief. It doesn’t matter how many different ways he words it, at the end of the day it’s clear as mud. It was a mistake. His excuse, though? That’s just pitiful and insulting.

“Do you think I don’t have a lot going on? Do you think that somehow my problems aren’t worth as much just because I don’t have two jobs and kids?” Your words are sharp, and they take a moment to sink in.

“No. Fuck. I jus-” He pauses again, knuckles white as he balls his hands into fists at his sides, his jaw clenching in frustration. He could use a dictionary right about now. Maybe just a whole damn linguist. Hell, he needs someone to read his mind because everything is coming out jumbled and it’s pissing him the fuck off, when all he really wants to say is, “Fuck, I jus’… don’t wan’ the kids to lose ya.” He swallows hard. “I don’t wanna lose ya.”

Your shoulders fall, your defenses crumbling. What? “What?”

Now that he has your attention again, he turns back to the balcony, hunching over it. The cool metal railing lulls his heated skin. Soothes the burning anger with his own inability to process a single thought. Maybe drinking to forget wasn’t his brightest idea.

He says your name quietly. It sounds foreign, vulnerable, when it falls from his lips that way. “I’m losin’ the kids.”

You take a step towards him, tilting your head to get a better view of his face. His expression is solemn, but you’re not sure you understand where he’s going with this. They seemed pretty fond of him when you saw them last week. Choso surely wouldn’t be expressing his worries to you if he didn’t love Sukuna.

“What do you mean?”

“Their fuckin’ mother slapped me with court orders. She’s takin’ ‘em.”

Your blood runs cold, eyes widening. The legal documents. You’d always assumed it was some foolish run-in Sukuna must have had with someone with a bit too much power or money, but never once had you stopped to consider that it could be something like this.

“No, what? You’re gonna fight for them, aren’t you?” You ask, voice strained.

“The hell ‘m I supposed to do?” He barks, turning to face you with a snarl. The look on his face isn’t one of anger, however. It’s distress. “Pull money outta my ass to pay f’r a lawyer?”

You frown. “Maybe you can find a pro-bono attorney?”

Sukuna’s too drunk for this. “Free? That’s free, right?”

You nod.

“The fuck’s a shitty free attorney gonna do? Convince the court that the older brother with two jobs, school, n’ tattoos c’n take better care of two brats than the person who birthed ‘em?”

“Sukuna, come on-”

He doesn’t stop there. “No court’s stupid enough to say no when she pushed ‘em out-”

“Eugh, don’t say that.”

“- that’s not even mentionin’ the fact that she practically shits cash with how much she’s got-”

“Sukuna! Okay, I get it.” You set a hand on his bicep, grounding him as he stares at it. Your touch is searing. He’s not sure if it’s because of the cold, his anger, or something else entirely. He’s not in the state of mind to think about it. His chest heaves as your steady voice speaks so softly to him that it does manage to calm him, even if only a bit. “How much water have you had tonight?”

He huffs. “None.”

“That… makes sense,” you chuckle lightly, shooting him a tired smile. “Why don’t we start there?”

Had one of his friends asked a half hour ago, he would have rolled his eyes and downed the Jack Daniels in his pocket. After his beyond frustrating last few minutes where he couldn’t seem to get a single word out, it doesn’t sound nearly as bad.

“Fine,” he agrees, following after you as you turn to lead the way back to Gojo’s room, only to pause at the door.

“You didn’t lock the door behind you, did you?”

“What? No.” He peers over you, wrinkling his nose at the sight of a couple tangled in one another on Gojo’s bed.

You can only pray he didn’t notice you and Sukuna up on the balcony at all, he’d kill you if he knew what was going on.

“How convenient,” Sukuna deadpans, wrapping an arm around your shoulders as he shields you from the couple with his body, ducking through the room as quickly as possible and shutting the door behind him. His grip on your shoulder doesn’t relent as he keeps you close to his body while heading down the stairs, through the crowd and towards the kitchen, shielding you from the sweaty dance floor.

You scramble to keep up with him, needing to move at almost double your walking pace just to keep up with him as he drags you along. Your cheeks are burning and whether that’s from the alcohol or his touch, you’re not sure.

Once you’re in the kitchen, he loosens his grip on your shoulder and watches silently as you move around the cabinets and fridges, filling a glass of water for him.

He hums in acknowledgement, leaning back against the counter. You hop up on the marble beside him, watching as he slowly sips on the water, staring down at the liquid that vibrates with the thump of the bass.

“So,” you begin, pulling his attention back to you. “You don’t wanna lose me, huh?”

Sukuna’s sharp eyes narrow into a glare, but it dissipates as he realizes you aren’t teasing. You’re lucky he’s drunk, because there’s no other circumstance where you would get such a direct answer from him. “No.”

“Is that why you didn’t reach out to talk about it?”

He returns his gaze to the water in his hand, rippling in the glass. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know what t’ say. I overstepped boundaries.”

You sigh, glad he’s found a more eloquent way of putting how he really feels rather than just labelling the whole thing as ‘a mistake’. You wish he started with that, but obviously drunk, high, and in a panic to keep you from walking away, his words failed him. You can accept that he doesn’t see you romantically but values your friendship.

“It’s okay, Sukuna. We… both… overstepped boundaries,” you offer with a smile that doesn’t quite reach your eyes. It’s clear that what Sukuna needs right now is a friend, someone to support him and look out for him when he needs it most. You’ll be that for him, even if it means leaving your feelings for him at the door.

His eyes narrow again as he looks at you, irises flickering between your pupils as though he’s trying to make sense of something, but he lets it go to down some water, turning to the sink to refill his glass.

You don’t bring up the kids with people flooding the kitchen around you, keeping the conversation casual. Sukuna points out his friends in the corner at one point, telling you he’ll introduce you when Toji’s not drunk because apparently ‘he’s a prick’. You recognize Uraume’s name from a while ago when they had watched the kids so that Sukuna could be there to get your grade for your project. Sukuna tells you that he thinks you’ll get along well.

It’s gradual, but his speech eventually stops slurring and he joins you on the counter, though his head and shoulder hit the cabinet behind him and he hardly fits.

“Wait- that was today?”

“Mhm. I probably woulda been kicked out if Toji and Atsuya didn’t hold me back.” He flashes you his knuckles that are, as he expected, beginning to bruise.

“Something tells me you say that from experience,” you giggle.

“Somethin’ like that. Last time, it was Toji’s fault, though,” he shrugs, downing more water. You’re both now just comfortably buzzed and Sukuna doesn’t seem nearly as tense as when you were up on the balcony.

“Sounds like I should be glad I’ve never met this Naoya guy.”

“Tch. If you even see that slimebag look at you, head the other way. Guy’s a walking red flag.”

“Noted.” You kick your feet, staring down at your black heels dangling from them. “Oh, by the way, have you ever tried that diner near your place?”

“What diner?” He’s staring down at your feet as well, watching the movement as they gently sway.

“The one like a block over from your apartment, with the blue and pink logo?”

Sukuna stifles a laugh, but it still bubbles up in his chest and he snorts. “That’s a fuckin’ strip club, princess.”

“No it isn’t!” You insist with certainty.

“It’s literally called Strip Joint.” He points out with a smug grin.

“Kuna. They make chicken strips. It’s a joke, they’re a chicken strip joint.”

His lips part in disbelief as he tilts his head to look at you. “You’re kidding.”

“I’m dead serious,” you giggle. “How did you not know?”

“What do you mean ‘how did I not know’? How did you know?” He waves his hand out in the air like it isn’t quite as obvious as it seems. He’s got a point, it absolutely looks the part of a strip club with a dark outside and bright neon sign, but that only makes you laugh harder.

“You know what, now that I think about it, I actually think I know that because Satoru took us there for his birthday and thought it was a strip club,” you ponder the time you first visited, but can’t place if that was your first visit for sure.

“See!” He’s grinning, his cheeks dusted in a shade of red that suits him, just as well as his smirk does. Another one of those rare moments where you think you’re seeing the real Sukuna, even in the midst of everything bogging him down. It’s a good look on him, one that sends your heart soaring. “I’m sure the frat boy loved that.”

“You know, he wasn’t as upset as you would think he’d be,” you giggle, shaking your head.

Sukuna hums, glancing around momentarily. “Can’t believe I live right next to a chicken finger place and the boys don’t know. They’d love that shit.”

Your heart falls, but you do what you can to mask it at the mention of his little brothers. “Let’s check it out.”

“We can do that sometime,” he agrees, yawning.

“No, I mean why don’t we go now?”

Sukuna’s brow arches. “You wanna take my drunk and high ass to a chicken finger shop?”

“I think that makes it funnier, honestly,” you grin, hopping down off the counter. Sukuna contemplates your request for a moment, before dropping down to his feet with a thump.

“Fine,” he huffs, shoving his hands into his jogger pockets as he follows after you. You both pull your jackets from the front coat rack and closet and step back out into the cold. Considerably less drunk than last time you were outside, it’s markedly colder.

Thank god Sukuna’s apartment isn’t too far from campus, unlike yours. You’d had every intention of crashing at Shoko’s overnight, so you’d likely just head back to her place when the night ends if you can get a hold of her.

Heels probably weren’t your greatest call with all the snow, but you manage to keep yourself from slipping by walking slower. It’s a snail’s pace for Sukuna, but as much as he grumbles and gripes about it, he’ll be more than okay.

Jogging up to the door, you pull it open with a shiver and thank every god you can think of that it’s open at one in the morning.

Just as you had said, it’s a diner that specialises in chicken strips, classically decorated in reds to go with the otherwise grayscale diner colors. Off to one side lies a row of red leather booths, while there’s a faded red counter with patches of bare oak where forearms and plates have worn the color from the wood. The lights are dim, with one at the back of the diner flickering softly.

The restaurant is empty aside from one employee and an older man drinking coffee at the counter before her.

“Have a seat wherever, dears.” The kind old employee smiles softly at you, gesturing to the booths. You return her smile, leading Sukuna to a booth in the center of the diner, a couple away from the flickering light.

Sukuna shuffles into the booth, shrugging off his coat and leaning against his bent elbow. He yawns, grunting in thanks when the employee leaves menus before you. He doesn’t look as disinterested as usual, but tired hardly cuts the dark circles lining his eyes.

You peruse the menu for a moment, glancing up at Sukuna. His eyes are skimming the menu, his fingers drumming lightly on the white table lined in metallic silver.

“What do you think you’re gonna get?”

Sukuna’s brow arches. “Chicken.”

“Alright, smartass,” you giggle. “I’m thinking of having ice cream.”

Sukuna’s gaze narrows. “You complained about it being cold the whole way here.”

“Yeah, but doesn’t that sound good?”

“Chicken sounds good,” he mumbles.

“You’re just high.”

“You’re just drunk,” he counters, a smirk pulling at the corners of his lips. He shuts the menu after a moment, setting it at the side of the table to get the waitress’ attention. The kind woman rounds the bar and pulls out a small notepad and pen.

“What can I get you?”

“I’ll have the six piece meal,” Sukuna starts, holding his hand out for you to go next.

“I’ll have the chocolate ice cream.”

“You were serious?” Disbelief drips from Sukuna’s tone as he shoots you a look like you’ve gone mad before the waitress can even confirm your orders. You kick his shin lightly under the table and he shuts his mouth with a grimace, muttering a ‘thanks’ when the waitress confirms your orders and heads back to the bar. “You were serious?” He repeats once she’s gone.

“Of course! Doesn’t that sound good?”

“Not really,” he chuckles, still leaning against his palm.

“Well, I think it sounds great.”

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever the princess wants, she gets.”

You grin at him as your stomach flutters at the nickname, following his gaze outside. The street lamps cast an eerie yellow light over the otherwise still roads, your fresh footprints the only sign of life out there. No cars pass by the side road at such early hours of the morning, the hustle and bustle of city life momentarily paused as most people settle in the warmth of their homes for rest.

“What are you gonna do, Sukuna?”

He yawns, wiping tears from his eyes. “‘Bout what?”

“The kids.”

“Mm.” He sighs, leaning back in the booth. It’s a bit short for him and he has to slump down for any amount of back support. “Dunno. Not sure I can do much.”

“What about the pro-bono idea?”

“Maybe,” he hums, a little more level-headed as you inquire this time around. “I don’t think some free attorney off the streets is gonna do many favors against whatever expensive asshole their mom’s payin’ for, though.”

“Maybe, but you never know. It’s better than self-defense,” you shrug.

“Unless I find Daredevil on the streets, I get the feelin’ it won’t really matter.” The defeat hanging around him like a spectre seems to weigh heavily on him as he stares out the window.

“You can’t just give up.”

He throws his hands up in frustration, though he’s too tired to back it up with words. He supposes you can take that however you’d like, he’s not about to fight with you about this, not when this lawsuit almost cost your friendship all because his dumbass step-mother chose to deliver the legal papers at the most inconvenient time.

“They need you, Kuna. Where’s their mom been all this time, anyway?” Your brow furrows at the thought. Why does Sukuna have his brothers if their mom’s still around?

“Dunno. Overseas or some shit. She took a high-paying position and our dad refused to move us with her. When he passed, I tried to get a hold of anyone on her side of the family. Not a single word. Even the lawyers couldn’t reach any of ‘em.” He shrugs, reaching up to scratch his jaw as his gaze remains fixed out the window.

“Huh. What about your mom?”

Either Sukuna’s feeling kind today, or he’s too tired to fight your nosiness. Whatever it is, he shrugs again in reply. “Dunno about her either. I was an accident. My dad was nineteen when they had me, she signed me away the moment I was born.”

You suppose his statement from the other night about his father ‘knowing how to pick them’ makes more sense with this context. It seemed neither woman had done any of his sons any favors.

“I’m sorry, Sukuna.” “It’s whatever,” he mutters through a yawn.

“Hey, what about the law students or professors?”

He tilts his head, leaning over the table on both of his forearms. “What about them?”

“Have you spoken to them?”

“No. I dunno any of ‘em and I’m not about to get anyone involved.”

“Don’t you think it’s worth it? For Yuji and Choso?”

Sukuna parts his lips to reply, pausing momentarily when your ice cream and his chicken arrive. You both quietly thank the waitress before he continues. “‘Course, but I’m not gettin’ my hopes up.”

You frown, spooning some ice cream into your mouth. After your first bite, you chew on your lip in thought. “Would you consider talking to a law student? I know you would need to tell them what’s going on and that isn’t what you want, but…” You trail off, not really sure there’s a sound ‘but’ behind your insistence on helping him.

He sighs, finishing a chicken strip in only a couple of bites. “You think it’s worth it?”

You nod, swallowing another bite of ice cream. “I just know if I were in your position, I would be trying everything. I couldn’t possibly let go of them.”

Sukuna’s heart twists and he runs a hand through his hair. There it is again, that uncomfortable sensation of being outside of his own body as panic grips him. It’s the same feeling from when you mentioned him being their hero. It’s like you’ve dropped something on him that he doesn’t quite know how to handle.

He stares down at his plates, a muscle in his jaw ticking.

“Sukuna?”

“I’m fine,” he mumbles, strained. He subconsciously slides his foot out until he finds yours, as though he’s seeking your presence for comfort again like the night spent in his room. You set your spoon down, watching as he shuts his eyes and takes a deep breath.

You open your mouth to voice your concern, but he interrupts before you can.

“You know one? A law student?”

You chew on your lip briefly, taking in his distant expression. As though being high, buzzed on alcohol, tired, and mildly hungover isn’t all enough for one person, now he also hardly seems present.

“I don’t, but one of Kento’s friends is in the program.”

“Great,” Sukuna mutters, rolling his eyes as he jabs his chicken a little bit too harshly in plum sauce. “My biggest fan.” You knock his foot beside you, which seems to bring him back to the present somewhat.

“You know, I think if you explain to him what’s going on, he might not be so cold to you.”

The pink-haired man makes a show out of his disdain for including Kento with a dramatic groan. “If it makes it easier with the law student, then sure, but,” he pauses, shooting you a glance, “I choose what I share.”

You pick up your spoon again, shoveling more ice cream into your mouth. “I wouldn’t share any of your secrets. Kento doesn’t know about your brothers.”

He doesn’t doubt that’s true, otherwise he thinks he may have garnered just a little bit more sympathy from the blonde. He’s fairly sure the only reason he’s still just barely on Shoko’s good side is the fact that she knows he’s taking care of two snot-nosed brats.

He mutters out a barely audible thanks before focusing on his food. Even as he eats, he’s running out of steam, just barely managing to stay awake as comfortable silence hangs between you. It’s a stark contrast from a few hours ago, the rift patched and stitched with a nice little bow to top it all off and for that he’s beyond grateful.

“Do you wanna try some?” You hold out your spoon as he sets his plate aside, wiped clean.

He reaches out, taking the spoon and popping it in his mouth. “That’s pretty good. I thought it was just Breyers or some shit.”

You shake your head, staring down at the couple of remaining scoops. “I think it’s made in-house.”

He hums in agreement, leaning over the table with a yawn and you get the feeling it’s time to go home. Waving the waitress over, you request the bills with a polite smile.

“Together or separate?” She inquires with a kind smile in return.

“Together.”

“Separate.”

“Together,” Sukuna doubles down, pulling out his wallet.

“Are you sure?”

He scoffs at the question. “You got one ice cream, I think I’ll manage.”

Giving in, you nod at the waitress.

“Thank you, Kuna.”

“Mm,” he hums as he pulls out his credit card, paying quickly before sliding out of the booth and throwing his coat on. You follow suit, thanking the waitress and heading back out into the cold.

“You promise you’re okay with me reaching out to Kento about this? It probably won’t be until after Christmas, he’s back in our hometown with family,” you explain.

“It’s fine. Worth a shot, right?”

You smile at his willingness to work with you. He’s shown you an awful lot of vulnerability all night, and you appreciate his honesty, even if there’s still a pang of disappointment that your feelings for him aren’t mutual.

“You need me to walk you back to the frat house?”

Your nose wrinkles at the thought. You really don’t want to stay there if you don’t have to, and your buzz has completely faded. You have no desire to return to the party, which you would need to do if you wanted to crash with Shoko. “That’s alright, I think I’ll head home.”

Sukuna rolls his shoulders backwards, fighting a yawn. “Uber? Busses aren’t running this late.”

“Yeah, I’ll get one now.”

“I’m comin’ with you.”

“Sukuna, you’ve been yawning for the better part of the last two hours. You look like you’re ready to pass out,” you point out, reaching forward to poke him in a similar fashion to back when you first met his brothers and teasingly shoved him to prove a point.

Marginally more awake than your first encounter with his brothers, Sukuna grabs your wrist before you can poke him. “Nice try, princess. It’s two in the morning, I just wanna make sure you make it home. I’ll walk back after.”

Your heart should not be soaring like it is right now given the fact that he openly admitted to you that he overstepped boundaries, but you can’t help the way it races. “Okay,” you smile meekly, waiting alongside him for the car you hailed to pull up.

The ride is an odd one as Sukuna struggles to stay awake while the driver recounts his night, but his presence is comforting in what would otherwise be an awkward ride.

Arriving back at your apartment, you open the app and add a secondary destination, keying in Sukuna’s apartment. He sluggishly goes to get out but you dash around the car as best as you can in your heels to block him.

“Thanks for getting me home, now I’m getting you home.”

He’s too drained to start something with you for being too kind when he could just walk home, returning to his seat with resignation and a mildly contemptful expression.

“Thanks,” he grumbles, though he’s internally much more grateful than he’d have you believe.

“Text- uh- email me when you get home.”

He blows air from his nose, amused. “Yeah. Night, princess.”

“Goodnight, Kuna.”

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❦ a/n ; i hope you guys enjoyed the chicken strip conversation as much as i did, maybe i'm just tired but i though it was toooo cute something about writing sukuna fumbling through his day-to-day life is so enjoyable, this poor poor man. i love him sm 😭 as always, thank you for reading and a huge shoutout to each and every one of you who's interacted with my posts, you guys seriously make my day and are a big part of the reason i'm having so much fun sharing this story with you all. thank you all <33

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writing & format © starmapz. art © 3-aem. dividers © adornedwithlight & cafekitsune

[nmakii]

must be love

— you find sae’s phone opened, and you decide to snoop.

or; sae gets exposed for being a fake idgafer. this is too sappy. 2.7k words, this is my longest fic in my whole life… what life feels like as a girl who loves too much core

tags: @narcjsistx

— for rhi. love ya, partner.

‘she seems really eager to please,

but she has quite the backbone.’

you huff out in frustration. “ah!! ugh…” you scowl. sae raises his eyebrow. “my groupmate never started on her share of the work… ugh, now i have to cram it..!” you explain your sudden outburst. sae scoffs. “then tell your teacher or something. it’s not like i can do anything about it, im not your teacher.” he, quite obviously, points out. “wh… ugh, i’m gonna… i just— needed to let out my anger.” you groan, face planting and screaming into your textbook. and he hums in response. although he didn’t show it on his face, your outburst was quite out of character for the person he had grown to know. it was… weird, to say the least. and it had caused him to make a mental note not to anger you.

‘her generosity knows no bounds.’

“sae, this is for you. merry christmas!” you hand him a wrapped box. “hm..? i don’t take christmas gifts.” he bluntly states. “i haven’t gotten any gifts since i was 10 years old.” you scoff to yourself. “maybe that’s why you’ve always got that stick in your ass.” you tease. “excuse me?” he glares daggers at you. “aaaanyway! open it!” you shove the box into his hands. he looks at the box, and then at you, and he decides to open it. “new cleats.” he acknowledges. yes, mhm. these were indeed cleats..! “i didn’t need these, i was going to buy them myself.” he states.

“i know, you could probably buy them yourself. but, i thought i’d save you the hassle, y’know?” how thoughtful of you. he eyes the cleats up and down; it’s an expensive brand, but it’s worth the price for the quality. “…thanks.” he says, at last. he didn’t expect a gift from you, he doesn’t have one prepared for you. he’ll make sure to buy you something you’ll love later. “oh! hold on, i wanted to give you some other things ♪~” you fish a keychain and envelope out of your bag and hand it to him.

“…cinnamoroll..?” he questions. “it’s cute right? i thought you’d like it.” what an odd way of thinking�� never once has he mentioned anything about cinnamoroll. but then again, it is pretty cute. “…well, i won’t say i hate it. thank you.” he thanks you as he eyes the envelope. “ah, don’t read it in front of me..! i got a bit sappy, it’s pretty. embarrassing…” you awkwardly laugh. “ah, got it.”

later that day, he opened the envelope. there was a letter; it had cute doodles all over. and, he’d be lying if he said that he didn’t feel your affection radiating off the letter. it was… really sweet.

‘what a beautiful human being she is.’

itoshi sae is what you like to call a shy lover, if you were to put it kindly.

you know for a fact that he loves you, he just isn’t good at verbally expressing it. words of affection are too sappy for him. he prefers to show it through the thoughtfulness of his gifts, and the longing touches of his hands, which seem to never leave your’s.

you know he loves you. but, you can’t help but wish for him to say it more often.

it wasn’t many nights lately that the two of you would have a date night. with sae’s rigorous training schedule and endless interviews, the only thing he wants to do at night is to fall asleep beside you.

however, today was the end of the season. meaning, sae would have much more free-time for you.

with sae’s last game for the year completed in 0-4, the first thing he had to do was call you. even though you weren’t far away at all, sitting in the VIP lounge with the relatives and girlfriends of sae’s teammates.

“s/o?” he calls your attention. “mhm? congratulations on your win, babe! i knew you’d win.” you congratulate him. “they could barely keep the ball when they had it. is it really an achievement for me to have won this match?” he says, almost sassily. “pssh— alright. i get it, mr. ‘tepid.’.” you tease.

“don’t call me that.” he huffs. “stay where you are. i’ll go to you.” he commands. you hum in acknowledgment, and he hangs up.

he doesn’t keep you waiting too long before showing up. “there you are…” he sighs in relief, kissing you as his hands automatically find themselves on your body— one tangled in your hair, and the other resting on the curve of your spine.

once he finds the will in himself to finally pull away, he’s breathless.

he looks like he wants to say something, but he holds himself back, his fingers flowing through your hair. “…get ready for our date later tonight, yeah? formal wear.”

you nod, and his lips curl upward. “i’ll see you later.”

you decided to go all out, pull all the brakes. and when sae picks you up in his car, he can’t help thinking that you look like a dream. ‘are you sure you aren’t a model?’ he muses to himself. his heart twists, and the fat of his cheeks redden with affection. your hair flows like silk, and that glimmer in your eyes was once a star, handpicked from the skies, he’s sure of it.

everything about you encourages him to keep staring, but he manages to get ahold of himself. “…you…look beautiful.” is the only thing he can get himself to say. but, beautiful doesn’t seem to encapsulate it, not at all. it’s not even close. beautiful is only a fraction of what he thinks. “heh, you think so?” you ask. “yeah; beautiful.” he assures. “let’s go.” he says, barely turning his attention away from you as he turns to the road.

the drive to the restaurant is quiet, but sae’s mind is screaming at him. his eyes can’t stop moving back to take sneaky glances of you. he drinks up your beauty like a serpent, and he still hasn’t had his fill.

“…we’re here.” he pulls the shift into its’ brake. he gets out, and hands his keys to the valet boy— his words are inaudible through the car door, but he quickly finishes his conversation and moves to open your car door.

you take your first step out, and his hand immediately moves to help you out. god, you might be even prettier under the gleam of moonlight, shining like the pearl of the planet.

his arm moves and snakes around your waist, guiding you into the restaurant under the flash of paparazzi cameras. he grimaces at the loud, pitchy voices of news interviewers, begging for a comment; anything for a headline quote.

the gentle touch of his fingers tighten, as he silently encourages you to walk faster, and lose the crowd. the two of you hurry up, and dash into the restaurant, where you’re greeted with a dim candlelight, mahogany walls, and the rhythmic trumpet of jazz.

“welcome, mr. itoshi.” the receptionist greets. “your table for two is right this way.” she quickly guides the two of you into a secluded part of the restaurant, just like he’s always done as to make sure neither of you are spotted and harassed in public.

lamps hang on the walls, creating a romantic atmosphere. and the curved dark-brown leather booth couch perfectly complements the dark oak roundtable.

the date isn’t too different from the others. the two of you chat about anything that comes to mind. but, it’s actually more like it’s just you chattering on, and sae listening as he admires that excited grin on your face.

on the outside looking in, it’s obvious how he has heart eyes when he stares at you. he’s in a trance as he listens to the rich honeying sweetness of your voice; his finger traces the lines on the roundtable, wishing that it’d be the crinkles of your smile he’s tracing when he blinks and opens his eyes again.

his trance is broken though, when his phone rings. damn it, he forgot to put his phone on do not disturb… “something wrong?” you ask sae, and he takes his phone out of his pocket. “not sure. there shouldn’t be a problem, i cancelled everything for tonight. ugh… just a second, amor…” he remorsefully takes your hand in his as a silent gesture of apology. he took too long to pick up the phone, it already went out…

he opened his call app, and saw that it was from his publicist, dabadie. he groaned before picking up.

“sae! you didn’t mention that you’d be going out on a date today, your paparazzi shot is already all over social medias..!” he worriedly stammers. “i didn’t? well, whatever… it’s just a date photo anyway.” sae shrugs, speaking quietly to ensure that you don’t hear. “right— but… you know the internet… they might criticize you, and say that she’s distracting you from soccer…”

sae is about to correct him— he’s about to say that you aren’t distracting him from his career, but he holds back once he remembers that you’re right beside him, eagerly waiting for his attention to be back on you.

“i… have to speak to you for a second, im already outside the restaurant… the paparazzi didn’t censor out the location well enough either… so, the agency’s security car will follow you two home…” he adds on. sae sighs. “i have to speak to you too. i’ll meet you outside.” he hangs up. he huffs in exasperation and shallowly drops his phone, making it clatter on the table; the screen is left open on his call record. “im sorry, amor… i have to quickly take care of something, i’ll be back soon, i promise.” he kisses your hand.

“hmph, don’t worry. it’s dabadie, right? he’s always worried about something…” you laugh. of course you’d be understanding about it. you always understood. “heh, that he is.” he sasses before leaving the table.

…and you can’t help but notice that his phone is still open.

his phone is practically yelling at you, “check out what’s on me, s/o! check it out right now!”, and you simply can’t resist the temptation to!

first, you simply scroll around at his call record; nothing too interesting, it’s filled with calls from dabadie, and you. as well as occasional calls from his mom. how tepid, as sae would put it. you exit the app, and find his home screen wallpaper to be a picture he took of you; you’re looking out into the distance, the large castle of sleeping beauty in the background.

you smile to yourself at that cute photo, and move to his photos; it’s filled with photos of you, and almost none of him— not unless you were beside him. you scroll down to check out his older photos; they’re childhood pictures, only a few of them are with rin included.

…

…anyways, ‘what is in sae itoshi’s notes app?’, you ponder. you open his notes app.

‘things i want to eat: 1. omelette, 2. paella, 3. pesto pasta’

‘onitsuka tiger mexico - kill bill/grey, new balance 2002r - grey, asics gel NYC - oyster grey’

‘laundry’

‘i love you’

you laugh at the randomness of his notes, quickly scrolling through them. it’s true when they say that a boy’s notes is truly random.

but that last note catches your eye. it’s a pretty odd note that just says ‘i love you’ with no additional text. and, it makes you wonder.

sae’s an organized person, more or less. so, his notes must be filed too. and, you’re correct. there are three files; ‘lists’, ‘important documents’, and a file with your initial as its’ name.

the other two don’t seem as interesting, nor seem as mysterious. so, you click on the mysterious file.

and, the file is filled with everything about you; he’s written down your birthday (including the time…), your family members’ names, foods you like to eat when you aren’t feeling well, shows that you like to watch… everything.

and, there’s a note that catches your eye. it’s a cut-off sentence, since it was too long. you decide to feed your curiosity and click on the note.

‘she talks to everyone, even the people she doesn’t like.

it takes a lot to piss her off.

she’s always kind to me, after all.

she seems really eager to please, but she has quite the backbone.

she works really hard, but i don’t think many see it.

her generosity knows no bounds, and she always knows what kind of joke to make.

i didn’t think it was possible for a soul to be so beautiful.

nor, that someone like i would meet a soul like her’s.

but, im grateful to the stars above that i met her.

someone as kind as her deserves to receive all the love she gives.

i don’t think she knows how loved she really is though.

what a beautiful human being she is.

there simply isn’t enough words to describe the way her dimples crinkle when she’s happy.

the day she was conceived, the gods must’ve tenderly sculpted her heart out of ivory and gold.

the way she enamors everyone in the room simply by walking inside, and the way her personality shines in her rushed, yet sweet handwriting.

one day, i hope she’ll finally be perpetually happy.

so, that she can always shine that enchanting smile of her’s.

she deserves all of it.’

was this a poem..? it didn’t seem like it, it didn’t rhyme, and the stanzas didn’t have equal amounts of lines… but, the way he worded it out almost made it seem like he was a poet.

you don’t… even know what to think at such a romantic confession. it’s certainly much more than sae has ever verbally said to you. but, the fact that he had written this with you in mind makes your heart pound like crazy.

you’ve always known that sae loves you, but seeing his private thoughts all written out for you to read was… overwhelming.

“going through my texts, amor? i’m not texting any other woman besides you.” sae nonchalantly jokes. shit— time went quicker than you’d thought. “ah, nn… just got a bit curious, babe…” you hum. “what were you looking at..?” he asks, and his eyes widen the moment he sees what you were reading. out of all the things on his phone, that was the last thing he wanted you reading.

he embarrassedly closes his phone. “so… what was all that writing about..? were you trying to be a poet?” you jokingly ask; you knew that sae wasn’t mad, per say… he was probably just embarrassed. “n..no… it was, ah…” he clears his throat. “it was just… something i typed out when i realized i had many observations about you that i needed to write down. i just got sidetracked while i was typing.” he explains.

you smile, your entire body feeling like you’re on fire. the love you feel for sae itoshi feels like too much to contain in your heart. “it was really sweet, sae…” you assure him. for some reason, you have the odd incentive to just… cry right now. you love him so much.

“i know. but, it’s also too sappy.” he huffs. “aw, don’t be so shy… i know you’re just a huge softie under that tough surface…” you tease, moving closer to cuddle up to his side. “im not soft. i just love you, okay?” he groans. “don’t make me say embarrassing things.”

your smile widens, making him look at you with that lovesick look in his eyes. “aww… well, i guess i know how much you love me now anyway, so that’s good enough..!” you mentally fist pump at this small victory.

the atmosphere suddenly feels light again as you start to chatter again, teasing him slightly before going back to what you were speaking about before he had left. and still, sae’s looking at you like you’re the world cup trophy, like you’re all he’s dreamed of.

and sae thinks…

‘…you’ll know how sappy i can get when it’s our wedding day.’

but he should save that for another 5 years, or so.

[coichii]

LIGHTS ON ✭

—(🎧)—> the first flight went smooth, landing swiftly in Melbourne on a layover to Sydney to visit your wonderful long distance boyfriend. when the cold, wintery weather freezes up, turns out it’ll be a while before you see him again.

pairing - longdistance!bf!felix x fem!reader

genre - fluff & comfort (what a shocker)

word count - 1.8k (yk how I said it was gonna be rlly short..nvm! I was thinking like..barely 1k☠️)

warnings - cursing & that’s it!

series note : hello !! welcome to part six of my winter series, “winter records of love” where there will be 8 individual short stories for each member :) these stories are based off of songs I deem “winter” feeling ! this story is based off of “lights on” by Tyler, the creator. enjoy <3

Seeing your long distance boyfriend after what felt like years despite it only being months was blissful.

You always missed him. Missed his warm smile, adorable freckles, kind & loving words, and everything more. Missing him was all you did at this point.

So when you got a text from your boyfriend last month saying he’ll pay for your ticket to come visit him and his family, you couldn’t have been more happy. Ecstatic even.

You’re not surprised when you find yourself smiling at nothing on the flight to Melbourne, looking out the window at the beautiful, vast ocean of waves.

The excitement bubbled in your stomach. It’s always so nice to visit him and his family. His mother is always so caring, his father is funny and kind, and his sisters are entertaining and hilarious.

You loved seeing him most of all though. His warm kisses that you missed resonated on your cheek as you thought about him, warmth rising on rosy red cheeks.

You always visited him around this time, when the rain froze into snow. You remembered how he would always wrap his warm scarf around your neck, pulling you into his warm side.

“Plane is now descending into Melbourne. Please at this time, fasten your seatbelts and put up your food trays.” A voice over the intercom sounded, filling your heart with even more excitement.

It would be only a matter of time before you see him again.

◂—♥︎—▸

“What! What do you mean our flight is delayed!” A voice, angry bellowed from beside you. Delayed? What do you mean the flights delayed?

“Sir, calm down. As soon as the blizzard passes, we will board and take off for Sydney.” An attendee ushered, going back to talk with other worried staff.

Now that you think about it, you haven’t picked up your head from your phone much since you arrived, nor have you taken in your surroundings really.

You spare a glance to the side with a huge window and your eyes widen in shock.

The sky, runway, honestly everything, is completely white. All you see is snow absolutely overrunning the airport.

Yeah, there’s no flying in this.

Beep beep! Your phone sounds as you process everything. Looking down at it, you see an incoming call from felix and pick it up.

“Hey baby! How’s everything going!” You hear his voice on the other end of the phone. “You’re about to start boarding, right?”

“Ha.” You dryly chuckle. “It just got delayed. There’s a horrible blizzard...” You explain, voice trickling off at the end.

You play with your hands nervously as the people besides you get nervous, calling their families and telling them they won’t be able to make it intime for Christmas.

It’s hard to not let it get to you, causing you your own form of anxiety. If you can’t see him this holiday, you’re not sure what you’re going to do.

“Oh, that sucks, baby. I hope it clears up soon.” He pouts. You can’t see it of course, but you can hear it in his voice.

“Yeah I know. Sorry about it though.” You mumble, guilt sinking in. It’s been forever since you’ve seen him and he’s the one who payed for your ticket. This is the worst case scenario at this point.

“Hey, no no. Don’t apologize for something that isn’t your fault.” His voice was soft and reassuring, comforting you from your mind, which was slowly drowning you in guilt.

“Okay, ba-“ you were cut off by the sound of a speaker. You look around to find an atendee standing with a mic in her hand, an uneasy look on her face.

“Unfortunately, it is loooking like this plane won’t be taking off until tomorrow.” A collective groaning was heard. “Please come check in and we will offer our complimentary rooms to stay in.”

You were in complete shock, and so was everyone else. Until tomorrow? Could the weather actually be that bad?

“Hey, love? What’s going on?” He asked, weirded out by the sudden cut off of your voice. “Everything okay?”

“Uhm, no.” You replied, voice quivering slightly. “We have to stay overnight, I’m going to be so late.”

He notices the shiver in your voice, heart breaking at the sound of a slight sniffle. He knows you hate disappointing him, and he wants you to know that you’re not.

“Hey, angel. Don’t you worry about it, it can’t be helped. We’ll still be waiting for you, okay?” His warm voice felt like a comforting blanket being placed over your shoulders, comforting you in a secure and safe hold.

“Yeah, okay. I’ll call you tomorrow, baby. I’m sorry, I love you.” You respond as your cheeks turn red. You try to convince yourself it’s the bitter cold rushing in from the outside, but you know better.

“Don’t apologize, y/n. I love you too, good night, sweet girl.”

You hang up and make your way to your room, slamming your luggage that you had received onto the wall before plopping down on the bed.

Man, you can’t wait until this plane can take off.

◂—♥︎—▸

Turns out, you’re going to have to suck up those wishes.

You woke up this morning to absolute pandemonium. Angry people shouting at any staff member they saw, spewing their anger for something you couldn’t quite put your finger on.

“How are we supposed to go home if the flight is cancelled?” A young woman’s voice screamed, and your heart dropped to your stomach.

Cancelled?? Wait wait wait… that can’t be?

“We apologize for the inconvenience.” A robotic voice started over the speakers. “All flights departing have been cancelled until further notice. Please prepare to leave within the next twelve hours.”

You can’t believe it. You need to leave within twelve hours. Not only are you not going to be able to visit, but your stranded in a foreign country for who knows long just because of some stupid snow.

You can feel the tears swelling up in your eyes, them beginning to slowly tip over your bottom eyelid.

You go to the only sense of comfort you have left; Felix.

“Hey, baby!” He chirps, the phone only having to ring twice. “On your way?”

“I wish I could say that.” You dryly chuckle, and he can immediately tell that it holds no humor behind it.

“Baby? What wrong, is everything okay?” He asked, voice soft and comforting.

“It’s cancelled. I don’t know what to do or where to go, Lix.” You voice cracked, tears rolling down harder as your breathing unevened.

“Hey, listen. Everything is going to be okay. You can get a hotel and get the closest flight out of there, but don’t cry please. It’s all going to be okay.” He tried to comfort, but it mostly ricocheted off of you and fell on deaf ears.

“I’ll try the hotel, but the first flight to Melbourne is sold out, I heard about it before I called you. I’m stuck here.” Your voice trembles, the feeling of hopelessness creeping its way up your spine.

It feels like being in a forest at dark, owning a compass but it not spinning around the way it does. It feels like nothing is going to save you.

“My love, I need you to listen to me.”

Your ears lock on to his voice, paying the upmost attention to the soft yet firm tone of his words.

“Everything is going to be okay. You’re going to get yourself a hotel, and I’m going to figure something out for you soon, okay? You’ll be fine, I promise you.”

You can feel his words warming up your stomach like a pot of hot soup; comforting and home like.

And that’s what he always felt like to you.

◂—♥︎—▸

Knock knock knock! The loud sound echos off the hollow wooden door of the room.

You had booked a room at a nearby hotel, noticing multiple familiar faces from the airport staying there as well. It was a little tricky, but you eventually got settled at a room on the 3rd floor and hoisted all your luggage up there.

You must have fallen asleep there, because the time all of a sudden jumped from 11am to 5pm from when you had layed your head down.

Cautious, you make your way to the door, not forgetting to peer through the peephole first.

And then, you saw him.

“Felix!! Is that really fucking you?!” You shouted, heart blasting with joy and love after you opened the door. You practically shoved your body into him, laughing at a slight ‘oof’ sound he made when he hit the back wall.

“Yes it’s me, darling.” He coos at your incoming tears before quickly moving to wipe them away.

“H-how’d you come here so fast?” You whimpered, checking and touching his face as if to check if he was real and not a made up figment of imagination.

“I came just as soon as you hung up, i told you I’d figure something out, didn’t I?” He explained. You observed the love sick look in his eyes, wondering how somebody could be such an angel.

Wondering how you got so lucky with him.

“I’m so happy baby, I seriously love you so fucking much.” You said, finally letting go of him and ushering him into your cramped room.

“I love you too, princess. It was no problem.”

“No problem? The drive is eight hours!” You chucked, cuddling into him from where he had taken a seat on the small couch.

“Well, yeah. But it’s worth it for you.” He whispered, stating this as if was just some small thing he had did hold the door open for you.

But it was so much more. No one had ever shown you that they cared for you like this.

Ever.

“Let’s take a rest here for the night then we can go back to Sydney, yeah.” He suggested, and you jumped.

“Wait wait, you’re still taking me to Sydney? You don’t think that’s too much for you, babe?” You asked, eyebrows furrowing in slight concern.

“No, silly. You came here to see me and my family and that’s what you will do.” He giggled, pressing kisses over your cheeks and smiling at your reddening face.

All you could do was look at him, the most fond, loving look in your eyes.

Wow, this is definitely the man you’re going to marry.

[hannie-roses]

i have a request 🥺! could you make leeknow x reader. it’s about leeknow having a thing for y/n yk and y/n LIKES SEUNGMIN so basically leeknow is doing everything in his power to make y/n like him but it’s tough since seungmin is y/n’s best friend and they have a shared history together. and leeknow be getting so jealous

Love’s crazy battle

Starring: leeknow, seungmin and y/n fab reader¡

Sypnosis: Y/N’s unbreakable bond with Seungmin feels like an impossible wall for Lee Know, who’s willing to risk everything for her love. He is consumed by jealousy but driven by hope, he fights to prove he’s more than second place. But seungmin gets jealous of the time she’s spending with him.Will Y/N see the love standing right in front of her, or will history win?

Warnings: slow burn, subtle smut

Word count:44.6k

Lee Know had always been a bit of a loner, reserved in his thoughts, but when it came to Y/N, everything changed. He could hardly think straight when she was around. His feelings for her had developed over timesubtle at first, a passing thought here or there, and then the realization that he was falling for her. Slowly, quietly, in a way that wasn’t so easy to ignore anymore.

But Y/N had her own thing going on. She wasn’t oblivious to him, not at all. Yet, she was always around Seungmin, always laughing at his jokes, always turning to him for everything, and Lee Know couldn’t help but feel a pang of jealousy each time he saw the two of them together. Seungmin was Y/N’s best friend, and their bond was undeniable.

Lee Know didn’t even know when it had happened, but the attraction had started to fester. Y/N had been there when he needed someone, but it wasn’t until recently that the idea of her not being in his life became unbearable.

The way she smiled, the way her eyes lit up when Seungmin said something funny it gnawed at him. I want that. I want her to look at me like that, he thought, staring at her from across the room. She was sitting on the couch, reading, while Seungmin was beside her, his voice animated as he spoke.

Why does it always have to be Seungmin? Lee Know thought bitterly. Why can’t it be me?

He was so lost in his own thoughts that he didn’t even realize Hyunjin was sitting beside him until his friend spoke.

“You’re staring again, Minho.”

Lee Know snapped out of it, his gaze immediately shifting to Hyunjin. He had been so deep in his thoughts that he didn’t even notice how obvious he was being.

“Uh, sorry,” Lee Know muttered, trying to hide the blush creeping up his neck.

Hyunjin smirked, nudging him lightly. “It’s not like you to get so worked up over a girl.”

Lee Know glared at him, but there was a hint of frustration in his voice. “It’s not just any girl, Hyunjin. It’s Y/N.”

Hyunjin raised an eyebrow. “Ah, that explains it. But why don’t you just tell her how you feel?”

Lee Know sighed. “She’s always with Seungmin. I don’t stand a chance.”

Hyunjin shook his head, his voice turning serious. “Minho, you won’t know until you try. She might feel the same way.”

Lee Know didn’t respond right away. The thought of confronting Y/N, of putting his feelings out there and risking their friendship, terrified him. But deep down, he knew he couldn’t keep hiding his emotions. Not when his heart ached every time he saw her smile at Seungmin.

Days passed, and Lee Know found himself drawn to Y/N more and more. The way she laughed, the way her eyes lit up when she spoke, it was like she had a gravity all her own, pulling him closer despite the circumstances. It was almost as if he couldn’t stop himself anymore, and his heart betrayed him every time he caught himself staring.

One day, the three of them Y/N, Seungmin, and Lee Know were having lunch in the park. Seungmin and Y/N were discussing something that seemed trivial, but it was enough to make Lee Know seethe with jealousy. They were so natural together, so comfortable.

Why does she turn to him so easily? Lee Know thought, pushing his food around on his plate. Does she even see me?

As if sensing the growing tension in the air, Y/N turned to Lee Know, her expression softening. “Minho, you’re awfully quiet today. What’s on your mind?”

Lee Know’s heart skipped a beat. She was looking at him—looking directly at him, her eyes full of concern.

“Nothing,” Lee Know replied quickly, forcing a smile. “Just… tired.”

Seungmin, of course, didn’t miss the subtle tension. “Are you sure? You’ve been acting weird lately. You usually joke around more.”

Lee Know’s gaze flicked to Seungmin, and for the briefest moment, he felt an overwhelming surge of jealousy. Why does it always come so easily for him?

But he pushed it down, shaking his head. “I’m fine,” he said with a tight smile.

Y/N, however, didn’t buy it. “You’re sure?” she asked again, this time her voice softer.

Why is she being so gentle with me? Lee Know thought. Maybe… maybe there’s more to this than I realize.

Seungmin seemed oblivious to the moment. “Anyway, did you hear about that new cafe opening downtown? Y/N and I should go check it out sometime, maybe this weekend.”

Lee Know felt the pit of his stomach drop. Of course she would go with him, he thought bitterly, although he didn’t show it on the outside.

Y/N glanced at him, catching the edge of his expression. “What do you think, Minho? Would you want to come?”

Lee Know blinked, caught off guard by her sudden question. She’s asking me? It didn’t make sense. Why would she want me to go?

“I… I guess,” Lee Know said, his voice faltering slightly. “Sure. I could come.”

Y/N smiled, a genuine smile that made his heart race. “Great! It’ll be fun.”

Over the next few days, Lee Know found himself spending more and more time with Y/N. It started off casually, with her inviting him along on errands or to grab a coffee, but soon, the interactions became more personal. They shared quiet moments in the library, exchanging thoughts on their coursework. He found himself confiding in her more than he ever had before.

She’s different with me now, Lee Know thought one evening as they sat on a park bench, sharing stories about their childhoods. I never realized how easy it could be to talk to her.

Y/N, unaware of the growing connection between them, laughed lightly as she told him a funny story about Seungmin.

“I swear, sometimes I think Seungmin is more dramatic than I am,” Y/N said, chuckling. “He can’t take a joke to save his life.”

Lee Know smiled, but there was a flicker of something darker behind his eyes. I don’t want to hear about Seungmin anymore. I want to talk about us. But I can’t say that.

“I’m sure he’s just being dramatic,” Lee Know said, his voice lighter than he felt. He didn’t want to ruin the moment, so he changed the subject. “You seem to get along with him really well.”

Y/N’s eyes softened as she looked at him. “We’ve known each other for years. We’re like family.”

Lee Know felt his chest tighten at her words. Like family. And what am I?

But he didn’t say it out loud. Instead, he pushed the thought away, focusing on the warmth of her presence beside him. It felt nice. It felt right.

But as the days passed, he couldn’t ignore the nagging feeling that Seungmin was still in the picture—still the one Y/N would turn to. I can’t keep letting this happen. I have to make my move.

It wasn’t long before Seungmin began to notice the shift. Lee Know and Y/N were spending more time together, and it was starting to get under his skin. He was Y/N’s best friend, her confidant. They had history, a bond that couldn’t be broken. Or so he thought.

One afternoon, after a particularly long day of studying, Seungmin confronted Lee Know. They were walking down the street, heading to a nearby cafe when Seungmin finally spoke up.

“Minho, we need to talk.”

Lee Know raised an eyebrow, his nerves already on edge. “About what?”

Seungmin’s eyes narrowed, his voice low. “About Y/N.”

Lee Know’s heart skipped a beat. Here it comes.

“Y/N’s been spending a lot of time with you lately,” Seungmin continued, his tone defensive. “And I’m not sure how I feel about that.”

Lee Know’s jaw clenched. “I’m not trying to steal her from you, Seungmin,” he said, his voice tight with frustration. “She’s her own person. I can’t control who she spends time with.”

Seungmin’s expression darkened. “You’ve always been a little too interested in her, Minho. I’m starting to think there’s more to this than you’re letting on.”

Lee Know’s patience was wearing thin. “And what’s that supposed to mean?”

Seungmin took a step closer, his tone growing more intense. “I see the way you look at her. You’re falling for her, aren’t you?”

Lee Know froze, his heart pounding in his chest. How does he know?

“I—” Lee Know began, but he didn’t know what to say.

Seungmin’s eyes softened slightly, but there was still a sharp edge to his words. “You better figure it out, Minho. I don’t want to lose her to you.”

It all came to a head one evening when Lee Know was hanging out with Y/N at a small café. They were sipping coffee, talking about everything and nothing at all, when Seungmin suddenly barged in, his expression dark.

“You’re spending a lot of time with him, huh?” Seungmin said, his voice laced with tension. He didn’t even greet Y/N first, his eyes locked on Lee Know.

Y/N blinked in surprise, but Lee Know wasn’t phased. “We’re just hanging out,” he said evenly, trying to keep his cool.

Seungmin’s gaze flickered to Y/N, who was looking between the two of them, clearly sensing the change in the atmosphere. “I don’t know if I like this, Minho,” Seungmin said, his voice low but sharp. “You’ve been acting different around her lately.”

Lee Know’s temper flared, but he forced himself to stay calm. “What’s your problem, Seungmin?”

Y/N’s eyes darted between them. “what’s happening right now?”

But before either of them could respond, Seungmin raised his voice. “You’re acting like you’re her only friend now, Minho. I don’t like it.”

Lee Know stood up, his chair scraping against the floor. “I’m not trying to replace you, Seungmin. I’m just… trying to be there for her.”

The tension in the air was palpable, and Y/N looked uncomfortable, clearly caught in the middle of their argument.

Seungmin clenched his fists, his jaw tightening. “It’s not about replacing me, it’s about the way you’ve been acting. You can’t just swoop in and expect things to change just because you decided to—”

“I didn’t decide anything,” Lee Know interrupted, his voice rising. “I’m not doing anything wrong, okay? I’m just trying to be her friend, the same as you.”

Y/N stood up now, stepping between them, her eyes wide with alarm. “Stop! Both of you, stop!” Her voice was loud, but there was panic in it, like she was afraid things might actually get out of hand.

Seungmin looked at her for a moment, his expression softening. “I’m just… trying to make sure he knows his place,” he muttered under his breath.

Lee Know shot Seungmin a glare, and for a split second, their eyes locked, both of them silent, the weight of unspoken words heavy in the air. Neither one of them was willing to back down.

“I’m not trying to take anyone’s place,” Lee Know said, voice tight, but now quieter. “I’m just… here, like you are. What’s the problem with that?”

Y/N’s gaze flitted between them, her heart racing. She wanted to scream at both of them to stop acting like children, but the tension was so thick it was hard to breathe.

“I just want things to stay the way they were,” Seungmin said, his tone softer now, almost pleading. “I don’t want things to get… complicated.”

Lee Know turned to Y/N, his gaze softening just a little as he tried to gauge her reaction. She was still standing there, uncertain, caught in the middle of a battle she hadn’t signed up for. She looks so lost, Lee Know thought, his heart aching with the knowledge that he was contributing to the mess.

“I don’t want things to change either,” Lee Know said, his voice steady but not without frustration. “But I’m not going to back off just because you’re uncomfortable with it, Seungmin.”

Seungmin looked at him, then back at Y/N. He opened his mouth to say something, but closed it again, clenching his jaw. Without another word, he turned and stormed out of the café, leaving a stunned silence behind him.

Lee Know stayed where he was, his chest tight. He hadn’t won, but the argument wasn’t over. Not by a long shot.

Y/N took a shaky breath and finally spoke, her voice quiet. “I… I don’t know what to say.”

Lee Know didn’t know what to say either. His mind was racing, but he couldn’t find the words. Instead, he just stood there, watching her as she struggled with everything between them.

“Are you okay?” he finally asked, his voice soft, almost vulnerable.

She met his gaze, her eyes searching his face for something, anything. “I… I think I just need some time to think.”

The weight of her words hung in the air, and for the first time, Lee Know truly realized how complicated things had become. He didn’t want to lose her, but at this rate, he wasn’t sure what would happen next.

Y/N had left the café with a soft promise to see them later, but the air was thick with unsaid words and heavy thoughts. As soon as the door closed behind her, the atmosphere between Lee Know and Seungmin changed. What had been simmering beneath the surface now exploded in full force.

Lee Know’s fingers clenched around his coffee cup, the hot liquid now forgotten. He watched as Seungmin sat back in his chair, his arms crossed, his expression stormy.

Seungmin’s voice broke the silence first. “You’ve been acting like you’ve got some claim on her, Minho. You think she needs you more than me?”

Lee Know didn’t flinch. “I’m not the one making things awkward,” he said coolly, his voice dangerously calm. “I’ve just been here, trying to be her friend. You’re the one acting like I’m stealing something from you.”

Seungmin’s eyes flashed with a mix of anger and something deeper—something darker. “Don’t even act like you don’t know what’s going on, Minho. You’re not fooling anyone. You’ve been sniffing around her for weeks, and it’s pathetic. She’s my best friend. You don’t get to just waltz in and play the hero.”

Lee Know’s fists tightened. He knew this was coming. Seungmin had been avoiding the truth for too long. But now, there was no denying it—Seungmin was jealous, and not just a little.

“I’m not trying to ‘play the hero,’ Seungmin,” Lee Know snapped, his voice low but seething. “I don’t need to play games with her. But it’s clear you’ve been hiding behind this act, pretending like everything’s fine. You’re scared of what might happen if she knows how you really feel.”

Seungmin stood up abruptly, the table creaking under the sudden movement. “You have no right to say anything about how I feel! You don’t get to dictate what happens between us, Minho. You need to stay the hell away from her.”

Lee Know’s eyes hardened, the challenge in Seungmin’s words hitting him like a physical blow. “What’s that supposed to mean, exactly?” His voice dropped to a low, menacing tone. “You want me to just back off and pretend like nothing’s happening? That we’re all just friends here? Because that’s not how it works.”

Seungmin sneered. “You don’t know anything about how this works. You’re just some guy trying to get into her head. You don’t even care about her. You just want to prove you’re better than me.”

Lee Know leaned in, his chest tightening as his frustration began to spill over. “I care about her more than you’ve ever made her feel, Seungmin. So don’t you dare try to act like you’ve got some kind of claim on her. I’m not backing down. If anything, you’re the one who’s been messing things up.”

Seungmin’s face twisted in fury, his hands trembling with rage. “You think you’re better than me? You think she’ll just drop everything and choose you over me? She’s not going to want some guy who only showed up when it was convenient. I’ve been here for her since the beginning, Minho.”

Lee Know stood up, his breath quickening as he took a step toward Seungmin. “You don’t know what she needs, Seungmin. You’re so busy pretending everything’s fine that you can’t see she’s struggling. You think she wants someone who won’t even admit their feelings?”

“Shut up!” Seungmin shouted, his voice breaking through the tension like a thunderclap. “You don’t know anything about her! You’re not better than me. You’re just a distraction.”

Lee Know’s eyes flashed with fury, his heart pounding in his chest. “A distraction? You think I’m a distraction to her? You think she’s going to look at you and think you’re the one who truly understands her?”

Seungmin’s lips curled into a bitter grin. “At least I didn’t wait until she was falling apart to finally decide I’m interested. You only care about her now because you see a chance to win. You’re just a stupid fucking low life idiot and that’s why nobody likes with you.”

That was it. The words hit Lee Know like a punch to the gut. His vision blurred with anger. He was done. The quiet rage that had been simmering inside him finally boiled over.

Without thinking, Lee Know’s fist shot out, slamming into Seungmin’s face with a sickening thud. The force of the punch sent Seungmin crashing backward into the table, knocking it over with a loud bang. Coffee spilled everywhere, the sharp smell of spilled liquid filling the air.

For a moment, the café was silent. Lee Know stood there, breathing heavily, his knuckles throbbing from the impact. Seungmin’s face was flushed with pain, but his eyes burned with something darker. Something more dangerous.

“You want to keep talking?” Lee Know’s voice was raw, almost unrecognizable with the anger that bubbled up from deep within. “Keep running your mouth. I’m done with this.”

Seungmin stood up slowly, wiping the blood from his lip. His eyes locked with Lee Know’s, and for the first time, Lee Know could see the full force of Seungmin’s jealousy and frustration. Seungmin had always been the calm one, the rational one, but now he was wild, unraveling at the seams.

“You think that’ll solve everything?” Seungmin hissed. “You think throwing a punch is going to make her choose you? You’re wrong, Minho. You’re just as selfish as I am. We’re both just a couple of idiots fighting over the same girl.”

Lee Know didn’t back down. “Maybe, but I’m not going to let you push me around anymore.”

The two of them were standing face to face now, chest to chest, fists clenched and breath coming fast. Neither one of them was willing to back off.

Seungmin’s eyes flared with rage as he lunged at Lee Know, throwing a wild punch that collided with Lee Know’s jaw. The force of the hit sent him staggering back, but he didn’t fall. Instead, he swung his own fist at Seungmin’s face, landing a blow to his cheek.

The fight was messy, chaotic. Every punch, every shove was fueled by jealousy, by frustration, by the raw emotion they both couldn’t control. Both of them had wanted Y/N, and neither of them was willing to admit it openly. But now, the weight of their feelings had led them to this a brutal, ugly fight neither of them had ever imagined.

Hyunjin burst through the door at that moment, eyes wide with shock as he rushed toward them, trying to break the fight up. “Enough!” he shouted, grabbing both of them by the shoulders and pulling them apart with surprising strength.

Lee Know stood there, chest heaving, his blood pounding in his ears. Seungmin wiped the blood from his lip, his eyes filled with something unreadable. Hyunjin didn’t let go of them immediately, his grip firm as he looked between the two.

“You both need to calm down,” Hyunjin said, his voice more controlled than it had been just a moment ago. “This… this isn’t helping anyone.”

Lee Know didn’t respond. His mind was racing, his emotions a mess. The fight had escalated so quickly, but now that it was over, it felt like a hollow victory. What had it solved? Nothing. It hadn’t solved anything. He wanted to be the one Y/N turned to, but now… now he wasn’t sure how to fix things.

The fight had been messy. Lee Know had left the café first, walking out without another word to anyone. He had stormed off, his mind racing with everything that had happened. But now, the dust had settled—sort of.

Seungmin, on the other hand, wasn’t in a much better place. He had lingered for a while, still processing everything that had just happened. It was hard not to feel the burn of that fight, the sting of Lee Know’s words, the punch that had landed with a resounding smack against his cheek. But what really gnawed at him wasn’t the physical pain; it was the fact that Y/N hadn’t been there to witness it.

He didn’t want to admit it, but the truth stung.

The truth was, Y/N was starting to see Lee Know differently. He could see it in the way she looked at him when he was around. The tension in the air when the three of them were together was almost unbearable, and Seungmin hated it. He hated how Lee Know seemed to be inching closer to Y/N every day.

But the next day was different. Y/N had agreed to hang out with him. It wasn’t just another group gathering; it was just the two of them, the way things used to be. Seungmin had invited her over to his house, and she’d agreed without hesitation. Maybe, just maybe, he could regain the comfort he had with her before all of this tension had begun. Before everything had changed.

The air in Seungmin’s apartment felt heavier than usual as Y/N stepped inside. She always loved coming here—his space felt comfortable, familiar, like home. But today, it was different. Everything felt strange, as if something was shifting beneath the surface.

Seungmin greeted her with a casual smile, but his eyes held something deeper. There was a tension there, a wariness that Y/N couldn’t quite place. She couldn’t help but wonder if it had something to do with the fight she’d witnessed between him and Lee Know just a few days ago. Things had changed between them ever since. And though she tried to ignore it, a part of her couldn’t help but feel the shift feel it in the way they both looked at her, in the moments of silence that stretched too long.

“So, what do you want to do today?” Seungmin asked, trying to sound casual. He motioned toward the couch. “We could watch a movie or just hang out… Whatever you feel like.”

Y/N nodded, stepping further into the room. She felt drawn to the couch, sinking into its softness. But as she did, her eyes fell on Seungmin’s arm. Her gaze lingered for a moment, and she froze. There was a bruise on his forearm, just above his sleeve.

“Seungmin… what happened?” she asked, her voice soft, but sharp with concern. She stood up slightly, her eyes locked on the purple-blue mark.

He paused, looking down at the bruise as if he had just remembered it was there. A faint chuckle escaped his lips, though it was humorless. “It’s nothing,” he said, brushing it off. “I… got into a bit of a scuffle with Lee Know. Nothing serious.”

Y/N’s heart sank. She had hoped it wasn’t related to the fight, but now that she saw the bruise, the tension between them felt even more palpable. She sat back down, her thoughts racing.

A part of her wanted to ask more, wanted to know the truth about what had happened, but another part of her knew it wouldn’t do any good. The distance between Seungmin and Lee Know was growing, and there was nothing she could do to fix it. It was like they were both pulling in different directions, and she was caught in the middle.

“I didn’t know it had gotten that bad,” Y/N finally said, her voice quieter now. She couldn’t help but look at the bruise again.

Seungmin shook his head, his lips pressing into a thin line. “It’s nothing to worry about,” he repeated. “I’m fine. You don’t need to stress about it.”

But Y/N wasn’t so sure. She studied him, her eyes tracing the curve of his jaw, the way his hand tightened around the edge of the couch. There was more beneath the surface, and she could feel it in her bones.

“Okay,” she said softly, though the worry in her chest didn’t go away. She changed the subject, trying to push the awkwardness aside. “What have you been up to lately?”

Seungmin leaned back, trying to relax, but Y/N could see the tension in his shoulders, the way his fingers drummed against the armrest.

“Same old stuff,” he replied, but his voice was distracted. “School, work, and dealing with… everything else.” His eyes flicked toward her, searching for something in her expression. “I haven’t had much time to… think about anything else.”

Y/N’s heart skipped a beat at his words. The way he said it made her wonder—was he talking about Lee Know? Or was he talking about something else entirely?

She tried to ignore the way her stomach fluttered at the thought.

They sat in silence for a moment, the air thick with unspoken words. Y/N shifted on the couch, her body feeling warmer as the space between them seemed to shrink.

“So,” Y/N began, trying to lighten the mood, “What do you want to do today? Really, I’m good with anything.”

Seungmin glanced at her, his lips twitching into a small smile. “I don’t know,” he said slowly. “How about we just… hang out? No pressure.”

Y/N smiled, though her mind was still caught on the bruise. It was hard to focus on anything else when she could still feel the weight of it in the air. She shifted again, glancing down at her phone, but when she looked up, she found Seungmin watching her—his eyes locked on hers with an intensity that she wasn’t quite used to.

It was like everything in the room slowed for a moment. The sound of her own breath filled her ears, and for a brief second, she wondered if she could hear his heart beating too. They were sitting so close now, the space between them feeling like nothing at all.

Y/N’s pulse quickened as she noticed how his eyes dropped to her lips for just a fraction of a second before meeting her gaze again. She held her breath, unsure of what to do, her mind swirling with thoughts she couldn’t quite put into words.

Seungmin leaned forward slightly, just enough for Y/N to feel the heat from his body. His breath brushed against her cheek, sending a shiver down her spine. Her heart thudded in her chest, the anticipation thick in the air.

“Y/N,” he murmured, his voice low and almost a whisper. “I…”

Before he could finish, Y/N’s eyes flickered to his lips again, and that was all the invitation Seungmin needed.

Without thinking, he closed the distance between them. His lips brushed against hers in a soft, tentative kiss. It was light, almost hesitant, but the moment their lips met, it felt like the world had shifted.

Y/N’s breath caught in her throat, her hand reaching up to rest against his chest. Her heart pounded in her chest as Seungmin deepened the kiss, his hands gently cupping her face. Everything else faded away—the fight, the tension, the complicated emotions swirling around them.

It was just them now.

Y/N pulled away first, her face flushed with heat, her breath shaky. She stared at Seungmin, her heart still racing as the weight of what had just happened sank in.

“Seungmin,” she whispered, her voice barely audible, as she tried to steady herself. “What are we doing?”

His forehead rested against hers, his hands still gently holding her face. His breath was heavy, matching her own, and for a long moment, neither of them spoke. The only sound was the thumping of their hearts, beating in sync.

“I don’t know,” Seungmin whispered back, his voice thick with emotion. “But I can’t stop… I don’t want to stop.”

Y/N felt the tension between them pull tighter, the air around them crackling with intensity. There was no going back now, but as much as she wanted to give in, she couldn’t shake the feeling that something was about to change. Something that might tear them apart.

But in that moment, with his lips hovering just inches from hers, she couldn’t bring herself to care about anything else.

The following day, the weight of everything that had happened the day before lingered heavily on Y/N’s mind. The kiss with Seungmin the one that had caught her completely off guardwas still on her lips, like a taste she couldn’t quite shake off. But today, she needed to focus. She wasn’t about to let one moment complicate things more than it already had. She couldn’t.

But then, there was Lee Know.

She tried not to notice the way his eyes followed her every move, the subtle way he lingered at the edges of her vision. He was always around. It made her uncomfortable and yet… something about it tugged at her in a way she couldn’t fully understand.

Seungmin, on the other hand, had been quieter today. Y/N caught him stealing glances at her in between classes, but the energy between them felt different unsure, like the weight of their unspoken feelings hung between them, thick and heavy. She liked him. She definitely did. But something inside her was still unsure. She couldn’t help but feel like there was something she was missing.

It wasn’t just about Seungmin. Lee Know had been in the background, too, his presence so constant it was impossible to ignore. But there was nothing she could do about that, right? He had always been a little mysterious, a little aloof. And she didn’t need more complication in her life right now.

The school day dragged on, the hours stretching into what felt like an eternity. As the final bell rang, Y/N grabbed her bag and headed for the doors, ready to meet Seungmin outside. She had promised him they’d hang out. Just the two of them.

But as she walked through the crowded hallway, she couldn’t help but notice that all the noise seemed to fade away, and all she could hear was the rhythmic beat of her heart in her chest. The feeling of someone watching her sent a shiver down her spine. She turned slightly, her heart skipping a beat.

There he was.

Lee Know was standing at the end of the hallway, leaning casually against the lockers, his eyes locked onto hers. His usual teasing smirk was absent, replaced by a steady, unreadable gaze. Y/N felt her pulse quicken despite herself. She told herself it was nothing, that it was just Lee Know being his usual self.

But there was something different today.

Before she could look away, Lee Know pushed himself off the lockers and started walking toward her. He moved with a purposeful calm, and each step seemed to slow down the world around them.

Y/N’s hand tightened around the strap of her bag. She was supposed to be meeting Seungmin—why did Lee Know always have a way of pulling her in? She could feel the tension building in the pit of her stomach as he got closer.

She tried to ignore it, tried to focus on the fact that she was meeting Seungmin, but Lee Know’s voice cut through her thoughts.

“Y/N,” his voice was low and smooth, and it stopped her in her tracks.

She turned toward him, trying to keep her expression neutral. “Lee Know, what’s up?”

He stopped right in front of her, so close she could feel the warmth radiating off his body. His eyes were intense, fixed firmly on her, but his expression remained unreadable. There was a flicker of something there, something deeper than just his usual teasing.

“Can I talk to you for a second?” His voice was quieter now, more serious than she’d ever heard it.

Y/N opened her mouth to respond, but before she could, she felt the familiar hand on her shoulder. Seungmin’s face appeared in her line of sight, confusion written all over it.

“Y/N, are you ready to go?” Seungmin asked, his gaze flickering between her and Lee Know.

Y/N hesitated, her mind racing. She wanted to spend time with Seungmin, but the way Lee Know was looking at her now… it was different. She could feel the unspoken challenge in the air. She could feel the pull between them, an almost magnetic force.

Lee Know didn’t look at Seungmin. He didn’t acknowledge him at all. His eyes stayed focused on Y/N, unwavering.

“You know I was just about to head out with Seungmin, right?” Y/N tried to keep her tone light, even though she could feel her heart beating faster.

“I know,” Lee Know replied, his voice oddly calm. “But this won’t take long. I just need a minute with you.”

Y/N glanced at Seungmin, but his face was hard to read, his expression tight. He wasn’t looking at her anymore, his attention focused solely on Lee Know.

“Seungmin, it’s okay,” Y/N said softly, trying to smooth over the tension. “I’ll be right back.”

Seungmin nodded, but his jaw was clenched, his eyes still wary as Y/N was gently led away by Lee Know down the hallway.

Y/N felt a sudden chill run down her spine as Lee Know guided her toward an empty classroom. The air felt heavier, charged with something that made her stomach tighten. Her mind racedwhat was he going to say? Why was he acting like this?

Lee Know opened the door, and Y/N stepped inside before him. She didn’t have a chance to ask what was going on before the door shut behind them with a soft click. She turned, about to speak, but the words stuck in her throat when she saw the way Lee Know was looking at her. His eyes were darker now, his posture rigid, and there was no trace of the usual playful demeanor. He was all business now.

“Lee Know, what’s going on?” Y/N asked, her voice barely above a whisper, her heart pounding.

He didn’t answer right away, only closed the space between them with deliberate steps. His gaze never left her face, and it made her feel exposed, like he could see right through her. The tension in the room was thick, suffocating.

“Why do you always let him have you?” Lee Know’s voice was low, almost dangerous, as he spoke. There was an edge to it, a frustration that had been building for too long.

Y/N blinked, not sure how to respond. “What do you mean?”

Lee Know let out a sharp breath, his eyes flashing with something unreadable. “You know exactly what I mean. The way you look at him. The way you let him get under your skin. It’s so… obvious.”

Y/N felt a rush of heat spread across her chest, her mind scrambling to keep up with his words. “I don’t Lee Know, I don’t understand. Seungmin is just my friend.”

Lee Know’s lips curled into a smirk, but it wasn’t playful. It was bitter. “Is that what you tell yourself?”

Her pulse quickened as he took another step closer. “I told you, it’s not like that between us.”

“I don’t buy it.” Lee Know’s voice was steady, but there was an undeniable fire in his words. “You think you can have him and have me too? That you can keep playing this game?”

Y/N’s breath hitched as his face came dangerously close to hers. Her heart thudded erratically in her chest. “What do you want from me?” she whispered, her voice barely a breath.

Lee Know’s eyes softened for a split second, and in that moment, she saw the intensity of what he was feeling something raw, something desperate.

“I want you to see me,” he said quietly, almost like a confession. “I want you to see what I’ve been trying to show you this whole time.”

Y/N’s heart raced as the tension between them built to an almost unbearable level. She was frozen, unsure of what was happening, of what he wanted. But she couldn’t deny that the pull between them was undeniable. The words hung in the air like a silent promise, and for a moment, she couldn’t breathe.

Y/N’s pulse was hammering in her ears as she stood there, locked in the classroom with Lee Know. The space between them seemed to shrink with every breath she took. She tried to gather her thoughts, but all she could focus on was the intensity in his eyes, the way he was standing so close, his presence overwhelming in the small, empty room.

“Lee Know, I…” Y/N began, her voice shaky. She wasn’t sure what she wanted to say, but there were so many emotions bubbling up inside herconfusion, frustration, and something else she couldn’t quite place.

He watched her, silent and still, his gaze never leaving hers. “What is it, Y/N?” His voice was calm, but there was an edge to it, like he was waiting for her to say something that would make this whole thing make sense.

Y/N swallowed hard, her breath coming faster as she looked up at him. “I don’t understand,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “Why are you doing this? Why are you pulling me away from Seungmin like this?”

Lee Know’s expression softened for a brief moment, but his gaze was still intense, searching her face like he was trying to read her every thought. He took another step closer, closing the distance between them even more. She could feel his breath on her skin now, each exhale a reminder of how close they were.

“Because you don’t see it, Y/N,” he said quietly, his tone suddenly vulnerable. “You don’t see me. You never have.”

Y/N’s heart skipped a beat, and she took a small step back, but there was nowhere to go. The classroom felt smaller with every passing second, the walls closing in on her as Lee Know continued to advance. Her mind was racing, her thoughts a whirlwind of confusion and conflicting emotions. Why was this happening? Why was it so hard to breathe?

“You’re not just a friend to me,” Lee Know said, his voice almost a whisper now. “You never were. And I’ve tried to show you, in every way I could, but you always ran back to Seungmin.”

Y/N opened her mouth to respond, but the words wouldn’t come. She wanted to say something, anything, to make sense of this, but nothing felt right. Her heart was telling her one thing, but her mind was still tangled in knots.

“You don’t understand,” she finally managed to say, her voice breaking slightly. “I never wanted to hurt you. But… Seungmin… he’s my friend. I don’t know how to—”

Lee Know cut her off, his voice suddenly fierce, intense. “You think I don’t understand? You think I don’t know how much he means to you?” His eyes burned with frustration, but there was something else there too something darker, something desperate. “I’ve seen the way you look at him. But why does it always have to be him, Y/N? Why can’t it be me?”

Y/N felt a rush of heat spread across her chest, her mind racing to make sense of his words. She could feel her pulse pounding in her throat, and her breath was coming in shallow gasps. She wanted to step back, to put distance between them, but her body betrayed her. She couldn’t move.

His face was inches from hers now, his hands resting at his sides, fists clenched, as though he was holding himself back. But she could see the way his jaw tightened, the way his eyes flickered down to her lips, and she knew.

He wanted this.

She wanted this too.

And yet, the tension was suffocating. The silence between them stretched out, thick and heavy, until it felt like the air itself was crackling with something dangerous.

“Lee Know,” she whispered, barely able to breathe, “what are you doing?”

He didn’t answer. Instead, he reached out, his fingers brushing gently against her arm. The simple touch sent a jolt of electricity through her body, and she instinctively stepped closer, drawn to him in a way she couldn’t deny.

His hand cupped her face, his thumb brushing gently over her cheek, and she closed her eyes, the sensation overwhelming.

“Y/N…” His voice was soft, pleading, as if he was waiting for her to give him permission. “Please…”

And then, without another word, he leaned in, closing the final gap between them.

Her heart stopped in her chest as his lips brushed against hers, tentative at first, like he was testing the waters. But the moment their lips met, the floodgates opened. All the tension, all the unspoken words, the emotions that had been building between them for weeksthey were released in that one moment.

His hand slid to the back of her neck, pulling her closer as the kiss deepened. Y/N’s mind went blank. She couldn’t think, couldn’t focus on anything except the feeling of him so close, so warm, his lips moving against hers with an urgency that matched her own.

For the first time, the confusion, the tension, the fear it all melted away. There was only Lee Know. Only the way he made her feel.

When they finally pulled away, both of them were breathless, their foreheads resting together as they tried to steady their breathing. Y/N’s chest rose and fell rapidly, her heart still racing in her ears.

Lee Know’s hand was still gently cupping her face, and for a moment, neither of them spoke.

“I don’t want to be just another guy to you, Y/N,” Lee Know murmured, his voice hoarse. “I want to be the one you choose. The one you see.”

Y/N felt a rush of conflicting emotions swirl inside her. She had never felt so exposed, so vulnerable. And yet, there was something about being with him in this moment that made everything else fade away.

“I…” Y/N started, but the words stuck in her throat. She wanted to say something, but she didn’t know what. She was caught between the pull of her feelings for Seungmin and the overwhelming intensity of what she felt for Lee Know.

He pressed a soft kiss to her forehead, his lips lingering for a moment longer than necessary. “Take your time, Y/N,” he said softly. “But don’t keep running from me.”

Y/N stood there, her mind racing, trying to process what had just happened. She had never expected this never imagined she’d be caught in the middle of such a storm. But here she was, with Lee Know standing so close, his presence impossible to ignore.

Lee Know pressed his forehead to hers, his breath still shallow as they lingered in the moment. He leaned in again, his lips meeting hers with more urgency this time, as though he couldn’t wait any longer. His hands slid to her waist, pulling her closer, the heat between them intensifying. The air between them was thick, charged with everything they’d both been holding back.

As he kisses her he moves her up onto the desk.his hands roaming her body.

While kissing her hungrily, his tongue exploring her mouth with an insistent need. His hands roamed over her body, pulling her closer as he deepened the kiss. He could feel the heat of her skin through her clothes, and it only fueled his desire.

He then steps between her legs as he pressed his body against hers. His hands moved to her thighs, tracing small circles against her skin as he continued to kiss her, his lips moving down to her neck.

He nipped and sucked at the sensitive skin, marking her as his own.

"Minho..." Y/N gasped, her voice laced with desire.

He pulled back, his eyes dark with lust as he looked at her. "You're so pretty" he growled, his hands gripping her hips.

He leaned in to capture her lips again, this time more forcefully but gentle making sure not to hurt her. He was claiming her.

He began to kiss down her neck, his lips and teeth leaving a trail of marks in their wake. He wanted everyone to know that she was his, that he had claimed her body and soul.

Y/N could feel his arousal pressing against her, a reminder of how much he wanted her. She moaned softly, her body arching into his touch.

In this moment she forgets seungmin is waiting for her outside.

Lee Know's hands moved to the waistband of her pants, his fingers hooking under the fabric as he began to tug them down. He pulled them off in one swift motion, tossing them aside without a care.

He then turned his attention to his own pants, quickly undoing his belt and unbuttoning his jeans. He pushed them down just enough to free himself, his hardness pressing against her through his boxers.

He let out a low groan as he pressed himself against her, the thin layer of fabric between them doing little to dull the sensation. "You feel so good," he murmured, his voice rough with need.

"Please, Minho..." Y/N begged, her body trembling with anticipation.

He chuckled darkly, enjoying the effect he had on her. "Please what, baby?" he asked, his lips brushing against her ear.

She could feel his hot breath against her skin, sending shivers down her spine. "I need you," she whispered, her hands clutching at his shirt.

He smirked, his hands roaming over her body as he teased her. "You're so desperate for me," he said, his voice low and husky. "I am too so of course~"

Lee Know's fingers slid under the waistband of her underwear, slowly peeling them down her legs. He tossed them aside as well, his eyes dark with desire as he took in the sight of her bare before him.

He positioned himself at her entrance, his body tense with anticipation. He teased her for a moment, running the tip of his cock along her slick folds, making her whimper with need.

"You're so wet for me," he growled, his voice thick with lust. "So ready for me to take you."

He couldn't wait any longer. He pushed into her, groaning as her tight heat enveloped him. "Fuck," he hissed, his hands gripping her hips tightly.

Y/N moans quiet, her back arching as he filled her completely. She wrapped her legs around his waist, pulling him deeper inside her.

He began to move, his thrusts slow and deliberate at first. He wanted to savor the feeling of being inside her, the way her body clenched around him.

"You feel so good," he repeated, his voice strained with pleasure. "So perfect for me."

Lee Know picked up the pace, his hips slamming into her with a relentless force. The desk creaked beneath them, the sound echoing through the empty classroom.

Y/N was lost in a haze of pleasure, her moans growing louder with each thrust. She couldn't control the sounds that escaped her lips, her body too overwhelmed by the sensations coursing through her. She bites her lip to muffle it.

"That's it, baby," he encouraged, his voice rough with need. "Let me hear you."

He leaned down, capturing one of her nipples between his teeth as he continued to pound into her. She cried out at the sensation, her nails digging into his back as she clung to him desperately.

Lee Know's pace became frantic, his need for release taking over. He could feel his own climax building, the tension coiling tightly in his gut.

He shifted slightly, angling his hips to hit that sweet spot inside her that made her scream. And scream she did, her body arching off the desk as pleasure coursed through her.

"I'm close," he grunted, his breath hot against her skin. "Cum for me, y/n. I want to feel you come undone around me."

Lee Know's movements became more erratic, his body tense as he chased his release. He could feel her walls fluttering around him, a sure sign that she was close.

his voice ragged. "Let go for me."

He continued to thrust into her, pushing her closer and closer to the edge. Just as he felt her walls clench tightly around him, he pulled out, spilling himself on her stomach with a strangled groan.

After that and they got dressed and Lee know made sure she was okay. But then y/n remembers seungmin is waiting for her.

Y/N quickly fixed her pants, her heart racing as she glanced at Lee Know, who was pulling his shirt back over his head. The silence between them was heavy, but neither of them dared to break it. She didn’t even want to look at him—not because of regret, but because she wasn’t ready to face what had just happened.

“Y/N,” Lee Know said softly, his voice tentative. He was standing there, watching her, his eyes full of questions he wasn’t sure he should ask.

But Y/N shook her head quickly, brushing her hair out of her face as she grabbed her bag from the desk. “Don’t,” she said quietly, her voice steady despite the storm of emotions inside her. “We can’t… talk about this. Not now.”

Lee Know frowned, his jaw tightening as he took a step closer. “So, what? You’re just going to pretend this didn’t happen?”

She hesitated for a moment, her hand gripping the strap of her bag so tightly her knuckles turned white. “I have to go,” she said, sidestepping him and heading for the door. She felt his gaze on her the entire time, burning into her back, but she didn’t turn around. She couldn’t.

Her mind was spinning as she stepped into the hallway, quickly smoothing down her clothes and forcing her expression to stay neutral. She couldn’t let anyone see that something had changed, that everything had changed.

The moment she saw Seungmin waiting for her near the lockers, her heart twisted painfully in her chest. He smiled at her, his easy, familiar smile, and it felt like a punch to the gut. Forcing a smile of her own, she walked toward him as though nothing had happened, as though she wasn’t still feeling Lee Know’s touch on her skin.

“Hey,” Seungmin greeted her, his voice warm. “You’re late. What took you so long?”

“Got caught up talking to a teacher,” she lied effortlessly, her voice light and casual. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, willing herself to act normal. “Sorry about that.”

Seungmin shrugged, slinging his bag over his shoulder. “No worries. Ready to head out?”

“Yeah,” Y/N said, nodding quickly. She fell into step beside him, the weight of what had just happened pressing heavily on her chest. But she pushed it down, burying it deep where it couldn’t surface. Not now. Not when Seungmin was looking at her like that, so oblivious to the storm raging inside her.

As they walked down the hallway together, she couldn’t help but glance over her shoulder. Lee Know was still standing by the classroom door, his expression unreadable, his eyes locked on her.

Y/N quickly turned back, her heart pounding. She couldn’t think about him. She couldn’t think about any of it. Not now.

The next day it’s the weekend.

Y/N lay in bed, staring at the ceiling as sunlight filtered through her curtains, painting faint patterns across her room. The weekend had arrived, yet it didn’t bring the peace she had hoped for. Instead, her mind was a battlefield, torn between two faces—two sets of eyes that seemed to haunt her every thought.

Lee Know. Seungmin.

She turned onto her side, clutching her pillow tightly as if it could somehow absorb the chaos swirling in her chest. Her heart was a mess of contradictions. When she thought of Seungmin, she felt warmth, comfort, and familiarity—memories of laughter, long talks, and the easy rhythm they had built together over the years.

But then, there was Lee Know. The memory of his touch, the intensity of his gaze, the way his voice sent shivers down her spine. He was raw, overwhelming, and impossible to ignore. Being with him had felt like stepping into a storm—terrifying yet exhilarating.

Y/N groaned, burying her face in the pillow. “What am I doing?” she muttered to herself, her voice muffled.

She had always prided herself on being logical, practical. But now, logic had deserted her entirely. How had she gotten to this point? How had everything become so tangled?

Her phone buzzed on the nightstand, and she reached for it hesitantly, her heart skipping a beat when she saw Seungmin’s name on the screen.

Seungmin: Morning! Want to grab lunch later?

Y/N’s fingers hovered over the keyboard as she hesitated, her mind instantly flashing back to Lee Know’s face—the way he had looked at her after everything that had happened. She hadn’t heard from him since, and the silence was unnerving. Did he regret it? Did she?

Before she could answer Seungmin, another buzz made her jump. This time, it was a message from Lee Know.

Lee Know: We need to talk.

Her breath caught in her throat, and she sat up, her heart racing. She stared at the two messages, the weight of them pressing down on her like a tidal wave.

Two boys. Two choices. And no idea which path would lead to happiness—or heartbreak.

Y/N set the phone down without responding to either of them. She needed time to think, to figure out what she truly wanted. But the more she thought about it, the more trapped she felt, like she was caught in a web she couldn’t escape.

She got out of bed and padded to the window, looking out at the quiet street below. Everything looked so normal, so simple, and yet her world was anything but.

“Why can’t this be easy?” she whispered to herself.

But deep down, she knew the answer. It wasn’t easy because both Seungmin and Lee Know meant something to her. And no matter what she chose, someone was going to get hurt.

As she stood there, staring out at the world that seemed so indifferent to her turmoil, one thought echoed in her mind

She couldn’t avoid them forever

For days, Y/N had done everything she could to avoid them both. Ignoring texts, dodging calls, and even changing her usual routes to class or around town. She thought that putting distance between them would make things clearer, give her the space to figure out what her heart truly wanted.

But all it had done was amplify the confusion.

The weight of it was unbearable—two people she cared about deeply, and no idea how to make a choice without breaking someone’s heart, maybe even her own.

It was late afternoon when she found herself walking aimlessly through the park near her house, the crisp air carrying the scent of autumn leaves. She hadn’t planned on being here, but her feet had brought her to the spot where she, Seungmin, and Lee Know had often hung out together.

Fate, it seemed, wasn’t done with her yet.

When she looked up, her breath hitched. Both of them were there. Seungmin stood by the swings, his hands in his pockets, his expression unreadable. Lee Know was leaning against a tree nearby, arms crossed, his jaw tight.

They hadn’t come together; that much was obvious from the tension crackling in the air between them. But somehow, they were both here now, and their eyes were fixed on her.

Y/N froze, her heart pounding as panic surged through her. She hadn’t prepared for this for seeing them both at the same time, let alone having to face the storm she had been avoiding.

“Y/N,” Seungmin was the first to speak, his voice steady but edged with frustration. “We need to talk.”

Lee Know pushed off the tree, his dark eyes never leaving hers. “Yeah, I think it’s about time.”

She swallowed hard, looking between them. “I… I don’t know what to say.”

“Well, you can start by explaining why you’ve been avoiding us,” Seungmin said, his tone sharper now. “You’ve been acting like we don’t exist, and I think we both deserve better than that.”

“I wasn’t trying to hurt you,” Y/N said quickly, her voice wavering. “I just needed time to think.”

“Think about what?” Lee Know pressed, stepping closer. “You’ve had days, Y/N. Days to figure out how you feel. And yet, here we are. Still waiting.”

Her stomach twisted as she looked at them two faces she cared about, both looking at her with such intensity that it was hard to breathe. “It’s not that simple,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

“It is simple,” Seungmin said, his frustration bubbling to the surface. “You can’t keep us both in limbo like this. It’s not fair.”

Lee Know nodded, his gaze unwavering. “He’s right. You have to decide, Y/N. Do you want him or me?”

The question hung in the air, heavy and suffocating. She took a shaky step back, feeling like the ground beneath her was crumbling.

“I don’t… I don’t know,” she admitted, her voice breaking. “I care about both of you. I don’t want to hurt either of you.”

“That’s not good enough,” Lee Know said, his voice low but firm. “We’ve both been patient, but we can’t keep doing this. You have to choose.”

Seungmin’s eyes softened for a moment, but his tone remained steady. “We’re not asking you to make a decision lightly. But you need to be honestwith us and with yourself.”

Y/N felt tears prickling at the corners of her eyes as she looked between them. Her heart was a whirlwind of emotions guilt, fear, longing, and love. But as much as she wanted to keep them both close, she knew they were right. She couldn’t keep running from this.

Her voice trembled as she finally said, “I just need more time.”

Lee Know’s jaw tightened, and he glanced at Seungmin before looking back at her. “You’ve had time, Y/N. How much more do you need?”

Seungmin exhaled sharply, running a hand through his hair. “If you need more time, fine. But you can’t avoid us anymore. Figure it out, Y/N. And soon.”

With that, he turned and walked away, his hands shoved deep into his pockets.

Lee Know stayed for a moment longer, his gaze piercing. “I hope you make the right choice,” he said softly before following Seungmin, leaving her standing there alone.

Y/N sank onto the nearest bench, her head in her hands. The clock was ticking, and no matter how much she wished for clarity, she knew that the answer wouldn’t come easily.

It had been days since the confrontation at the park, and neither Seungmin nor Lee Know had spoken to Y/N. She had sent a few hesitant texts to each of them, but their responses were short and distant, leaving her even more unsure of where she stood with them.

Unbeknownst to her, Lee Know and Seungmin were dealing with the situation in their own way. The tension between them had been simmering for weeks, and it was finally about to boil over.

They met at a quiet café near the edge of town, a place they knew would be empty enough for them to talk without interruptions. Lee Know was already seated at a corner table when Seungmin walked in, his usual calm demeanor replaced with something colder, more guarded.

Seungmin sat down across from him, folding his arms. “So, what’s this about?”

Lee Know leaned back in his chair, his expression unreadable. “We need to talk about Y/N.”

Seungmin’s jaw tightened. “I think we’ve talked enough, don’t you?”

“Not like this,” Lee Know replied, his voice steady but firm. “Look, we’ve both made it pretty clear how we feel about her. And we both know she’s struggling to choose between us.”

Seungmin’s lips pressed into a thin line, but he didn’t respond.

Lee Know leaned forward, his gaze unwavering. “I don’t want to keep fighting with you, Seungmin. And I don’t want to hurt Y/N by forcing her to make a decision she’s not ready for.”

“So, what’s your solution?” Seungmin asked, his tone skeptical.

Lee Know hesitated for a moment before saying, “We share her.”

Seungmin blinked, caught off guard by the suggestion. “What?”

“You heard me,” Lee Know said, his voice calm but determined. “We stop making this a competition. We let her decide how she wants to split her time between us. No more fighting, no more pressuring her.”

“That’s insane,” Seungmin said, shaking his head. “How is that supposed to work?”

“I don’t know,” Lee Know admitted. “But it’s better than what we’re doing now. And it’s better than making her choose and risking losing her altogether.”

Seungmin leaned back in his chair, his arms still crossed as he considered the idea. It went against everything he had been feeling the jealousy, the possessiveness but a part of him couldn’t deny that Lee Know had a point.

“She might not even agree to it,” Seungmin said after a long pause.

“That’s up to her,” Lee Know replied. “But if we’re both serious about wanting her in our lives, then we need to at least try.”

Seungmin sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I still think this is crazy. But… I’ll agree, for her sake. If she’s okay with it.”

Lee Know nodded, a small sense of relief washing over him. “Good. Then we’ll talk to her together.”

Seungmin gave him a wary look. “Just so we’re clear, this doesn’t mean I’m okay with you being with her. I’m only doing this because I don’t want to hurt her.”

“Same here,” Lee Know said. “This isn’t about us. It’s about her.”

With that, an uneasy truce was formed. But as they left the café, both of them knew that the path ahead wouldn’t be easy for any of them.

It was late afternoon when Y/N received the text message that left her staring at her phone, her pulse racing.

Seungmin: Meet us at the park near the swings. We need to talk.

The “us” caught her off guard. She didn’t need to ask who he meant she knew both Seungmin and Lee Know would be there.

Her stomach churned as she walked to the park, a thousand questions and scenarios racing through her mind. What could they possibly want to say together? The tension between the three of them had reached a breaking point, and she had no idea how this would go.

When she arrived, they were already there. Seungmin was sitting on one of the swings, his expression neutral but his shoulders tense. Lee Know stood a few feet away, leaning against the frame of the swing set with his arms crossed.

“Y/N,” Seungmin said as she approached. His voice was calm, but there was a seriousness to it that made her chest tighten.

“Hey,” she said softly, looking between them. “What’s going on?”

Lee Know straightened, stepping closer. “We’ve been talking, and we think it’s time we figure out where we all stand.”

Her heart sank. “I… I’m still not ready to choose,” she admitted, her voice barely above a whisper.

“We know,” Seungmin said, his tone gentle. “That’s why we’ve come up with a different idea.”

Y/N frowned, her gaze darting between them. “What do you mean?”

Lee Know glanced at Seungmin before speaking. “We’ve decided to stop pressuring you to choose between us. Instead… we’re willing to share.”

She blinked, sure she had misheard. “What?”

“We’re giving you the choice to spend time with both of us,” Seungmin explained. “No more arguments, no more fighting. You don’t have to feel like you’re stuck in the middle.”

Y/N stared at them, her mind reeling. “You’re serious?”

Lee Know nodded. “We talked about it. And while it’s not ideal for either of us, it’s better than making you feel like you’re being torn apart.”

Her breath caught as she processed their words. She couldn’t deny that part of her felt relieved they were giving her space to figure things out without the added pressure of making an immediate decision. But another part of her felt uneasy.

“What if this doesn’t work?” she asked hesitantly.

Seungmin’s expression softened. “Then we deal with it when the time comes. But we think it’s worth trying, for your sake.”

Y/N looked down at the ground, her emotions swirling. She had never imagined this kind of arrangement, but knowing they were willing to put aside their rivalry for her made her chest ache with a strange mix of gratitude and guilt.

“I… I don’t know what to say,” she admitted.

“You don’t have to say anything right now,” Lee Know said, his voice gentler than she had ever heard it. “Just think about it. We’ll give you the time and space you need.”

She nodded, still unsure how to feel. “Okay. I’ll think about it.”

Seungmin gave her a small smile. “That’s all we’re asking.”

Lee Know stepped closer, his gaze locking with hers. “Just know that we both care about you, Y/N. And we’re willing to do whatever it takes to make this work.”

Her heart clenched at the sincerity in his voice, and for a moment, she felt the weight of their emotions pressing down on her.

As they walked her home that evening, the uneasy truce between them held. But Y/N couldn’t help wondering how long it would last and what it would mean for all of them moving forward.

The next morning, Y/N woke up with a headache. Sleep had been elusive, her mind consumed by the conversation with Seungmin and Lee Know. Their proposal played over and over in her head like a looping film.

Share them?

The idea felt surreal, almost absurd. But the more she thought about it, the more sense it made. She cared deeply for both of them—she couldn’t deny that. Seungmin had been her rock for years, a constant in her life who knew her inside and out. And then there was Lee Know, who had quietly slipped into her heart with his relentless devotion and tender moments.

She groaned, rolling over in bed and staring at the ceiling. This wasn’t how love was supposed to work. Love was supposed to be simple—two people, one connection. But somehow, her heart had made room for both of them, and now she was faced with a choice she wasn’t ready to make.

By noon, she was pacing her room, her mind a whirlwind of thoughts. The idea of seeing them both, of not having to make an immediate decision, felt like a lifeline. But it also felt like walking a tightrope, one wrong step away from disaster.

Her phone buzzed on the desk, breaking her thoughts. She hesitated before picking it up, her breath catching when she saw the message.

Seungmin: No pressure, but have you thought about what we talked about?

Almost immediately, another message popped up.

Lee Know: Hey, just checking in. Hope you’re doing okay.

Y/N stared at the messages, her chest tightening. They were giving her space, just as they had promised, but she could feel their emotions lingering between the lines.

Taking a deep breath, she typed out a reply.

Y/N: Can we meet at the park? I’ve made my decision.

Her heart pounded as she hit send, the weight of her choice sinking in.

An hour later, she stood by the swings, waiting for them. The crisp autumn air nipped at her cheeks, but she barely felt it, her nerves keeping her warm.

Seungmin arrived first, his expression calm but his eyes searching hers. Lee Know appeared moments later, his usual confidence softened by what looked like worry.

“So?” Seungmin asked gently, breaking the silence. “What’s your decision?”

Y/N took a deep breath, her hands gripping the hem of her sweater. “I’ve been thinking a lot about what you both said. And… I want to try this. Sharing time with both of you.”

Lee Know blinked, his lips parting slightly in surprise. Seungmin raised an eyebrow, his expression unreadable.

“I know it’s not conventional,” Y/N continued quickly, her words tumbling out. “But I care about both of you, and I don’t want to hurt either of you. This… this feels like the only way to figure things out without losing someone I love.”

There was a beat of silence before Lee Know’s lips curved into a small smile. “So, you’re saying you want both of us?”

“Don’t make it weird,” Y/N said, her cheeks flushing.

Seungmin chuckled softly, shaking his head. “It’s definitely weird, but… if this is what you want, I’ll try.”

Lee Know nodded, his gaze softening. “Same. For you, I’ll try.”

Relief washed over her, and for the first time in days, she felt like she could breathe again.

“Thank you,” she said quietly, looking between them. “Both of you.”

As the three of them walked away from the swings together, Y/N couldn’t help but feel a strange sense of hope. It wasn’t the perfect solution, but it was theirs.

And for now, that was enough.

She kisses them both on the cheek and they both smile and blush.

Weeks passed, and to Y/N’s surprise, the unconventional arrangement began to work. She had worried endlessly about how Seungmin and Lee Know would manage to coexist, let alone get along, but the two of them had exceeded her expectations.

At first, there were small gestures of compromise. Seungmin stopped throwing passive aggressive remarks Lee Know’s way, and Lee Know refrained from his usual smug grins whenever Y/N chose to spend time with him. They had even started talking short conversations at first, usually about her, but over time, their interactions grew less tense and more natural.

The three of them developed an great relationship . Y/N divided her time evenly, and both boys respected the boundaries they’d set. What surprised her most was how much Seungmin and Lee Know seemed to enjoy each other’s company when they weren’t focused on her.

One sunny afternoon, the three of them were at the park, sprawled out on a large picnic blanket under the shade of a tree. Y/N had brought sandwiches and snacks, and the boys had brought their usual banter.

“Okay, but you have to admit, my dog is better trained than your cat.” Seungmin said, smirking at Lee Know as he reached for a bag of chips.

“Better trained?” Lee Know scoffed. “Your dog couldn’t even sit still when we went to the café last week. Dori would never embarrass me like that.”

Y/N laughed, watching them bicker. It was strange how normal this had become sitting between them, watching their playful arguments, feeling the peace that had settled over their dynamic.

“She’s probably sick of us talking about pets,” Seungmin said, turning to Y/N with a teasing smile. “Right?”

“Not at all,” she said, grinning. “I’m just waiting to see who wins.”

“It’s obviously me,” Lee Know said confidently, leaning back on his hands. “Dori is a model citizen.”

“Keep telling yourself that,” Seungmin replied with a chuckle.

As the afternoon went on, Y/N found herself marveling at how far they had come. A month ago, the idea of Seungmin and Lee Know sharing anything, let alone a girlfriend, would have been laughable. But now, they were sitting side by side, teasing each other like old friends.

Later, as they walked back to her house, Seungmin and Lee Know fell into a discussion about soccer, their voices animated as they debated the skills of different players. Y/N trailed behind them, her heart swelling at the sight.

For the first time in weeks, she felt like everything was exactly as it should be.

[steddieas-shegoes]

for charity

for @steddieholidaydrabbles prompt 'formal'

all of my holiday drabbles will be from the bear hugs universe. many of them could probably be read standalone, but will make the most sense and be enjoyed best if you read that first!

rated t | 495 words | cw: a little sexual tension | tags: pre-steddie, banter, flashback

🤵🏻🤵🏻🤵🏻🤵🏻🤵🏻🤵🏻🤵🏻🤵🏻🤵🏻🤵🏻🤵🏻🤵🏻🤵🏻🤵🏻

“It’s literally for charity,” Steve groans. “Just put on the suit!”

“It’s itchy!” Eddie argues. “And the pants are weird.”

“The pants are weird.”

Steve is looking at him like he’s grown an extra head. It’s not the first time and won’t be the last.

“They fit like pj pants but aren’t pj pants material so when I sit and walk, everything chafes,” Eddie explains calmly.

“You don’t have a choice,” Steve holds up the pants. “It’s only for a few hours.”

“A few hours of torture!” Eddie whines as he takes the pants from Steve. He strips his sweatpants off and pouts.

He can feel Steve’s eyes on him as he pulls the slacks on, buttoning them up and hoping he can get away with not wearing a belt. No one said anything about belts being required.

“You didn’t tuck in your shirt,” Steve says as he walks up to him, not quite hiding the fond smile breaking out across his face.

“I refuse.”

Steve rolls his eyes and tugs Eddie closer by the waistband of his pants. He stuffs the shirt into them, sloppy at first, then slowing down so he can make sure it looks right.

He’s too focused to notice Eddie’s face going red, to hear his quiet gasp at the feeling of Steve’s hands against his waist. They’ve always been touchy with each other, but this feels intimate, different.

“There.”

Steve’s hands are still at his hips, gently resting as he finally makes eye contact with Eddie. He looks proud of himself, and Eddie thinks now is the perfect time to kiss him.

Except it isn’t. They have to be at this charity ball for the children’s hospital in less than an hour. If Eddie kisses him now, they won’t make it to the event.

They’ll either be too busy doing other things or Eddie will be going into the witness protection program for ruining his friendship with Steve.

Eddie breathes in, forces a smile, and pulls away.

“Fine. You win. I look great.” Eddie laughs and it almost sounds normal. “I suppose you expect me to wear those god awful shoes too?”

Steve looks down at his feet and crosses his arms. “You can’t wear your sneakers. Or boots.”

“The boots were just cleaned though!”

Steve rolls his eyes, but Eddie knows it’s not real annoyance. If it was, he would have stopped arguing and walked out of the room a while ago.

“The nice shoes.” Steve steps closer and arranges a strand of Eddie’s hair, moving it behind his ear. He steps back. “We leave in ten minutes. Don’t forget your phone.”

Eddie gulps.

He has no idea how he’s gonna make it through this night, especially not when he watches Steve walk away and sees the way his pants fit his ass.

He’ll have to keep his indecent thoughts in the back of his mind yet again.

Maybe someday he’ll be able to say them out loud.

[writteninthebinds]

Teach Me

A Jayvik fic - part two

Word-count: 2256

Summary: Jayce teaches Viktor how to dance. Things get a little heated.

Warnings: This is pretty tame. A little nsfw dialogue at the end that alludes to part three.

Notes: I really love this. This is technically part two but you can read it on its own. You can find and read part one on my page. I didn’t put near the same amount of effort into part one, so I might even go back and update it sometime soon. I’ll create a list where you can find them all together too. It’s currently 5am, haven’t slept and I won’t be able to sleep if I don’t post this now, so I apologize if there’s mistakes lol. I’ll edit them when I wake up again. 🫶🏼 you guys.

“Oh, but there is no music,” Viktor musters with pause, like a last-minute thought. Like he didn’t fully think through asking Jayce to teach him how to dance. Here, alone, in his room for the night. Viktor stands towards the end of the large king-sized bed, navy-colored sheets with gold stitching. His cane is tucked into his side, eyes on Jayce, who’s still standing in front of the double doors leading to the balcony.

Jayce is luminated from behind. The glow of the party lanterns below casting warm shadows into the night sky and their -  Viktor’s room.

“We shouldn’t need any,” Jayce promises as he steps further in. He’s still taking in the room, the colors and warm ambient lighting, when he focuses back on Viktor. For a split second, he stands there looking unsure, doubtful or perhaps even regretful for asking Jayce.

Something akin to dedication and reverence rakes its way across Jayce’s bones. Deep in his marrow. He wants to erase any trace of unease from Viktor’s body and mind.

Taking a few long strides, Jayce moves to a small coffee table in the room. Sly smirk painted across his lips, hands already deep within his pockets, searching, he says, “You get the steps right, I give you more of these.”

Confusion clouds Viktor’s face. Eyebrow quirked, nose slightly scrunched, until he looks down. Jayce litters the tabletop with sweets. The same candy he stole earlier. Viktor’s favorite. A laugh is shoved from Viktor’s chest as handfuls are dropped. He watches in awe, in surprise. Jayce can’t tell which, though he decides right then and there that he’ll do anything to keep that look of wonder and mischief on Vik’s face.

“Jayce.”

Viktor laces his name with muted laughter and accusation, really failing to look upset in the slightest. 

“Don't. Don’t give me that. You’re lucky I didn’t grab the crystal dish they were sitting in. Would’ve been easier to carry all night. Been weighing down my pockets,” Jayce rambles.

Set ablaze from the joy on Viktor’s face, he’s moving faster again, not overthinking every move. He gets excited. Jayce knows this. His words and actions speed up, excitement bubbling in his chest. Enhanced by Viktor.

He's still going, Jayce. Still talking, still moving, until a slight breeze pours cool air down his back. It’s then Jayce pauses. His suit jacket is already halfway down his arms, resting in the crooks of his elbows. He wasn’t thinking. Why would he take off his jacket just to dance? Is it weird? Does Viktor think so?

No.

Jayce watches as Viktor stands there rolling up his own sleeves so causally. He doesn’t stop, still folding the fabric. He only looks up at Jayce when he’s been quite for a little too long. And Viktor just smiles. Easy and cool. Like a lazy creek. It soothes Jayce, like the most expensive balm one could buy.

“Alright,” Jayce explains as he shucks off his jacket the rest of the way, “the Waltz. It’s a simple box step.”

He closes the distance between them. His nerves are only settled for so long, until he comes to stand in front of Viktor. Until he realizes, they both can’t lead.

A smug smile tugs at the corner of Viktor’s mouth. He doesn’t wait for Jayce to voice what he can clearly read written on his face. Confident as always, he grabs Jayce’s hands. Hosting their right and left into the air, clasped together, and guiding Jayce’s right to his back. Viktor whispers, “You lead. I will follow.”

That stirs something within Jayce. Deep in his gut. A pit buried and nestled behind his belly button, and Viktor’s dipping his fucking fingers in.

He feels the back brace beneath Viktor’s black shirt, firm under his open palm. Jayce wants more. To feel more. He looks good in black. Fuck.

The feeling of Viktor’s hand coming to a rest on his shoulder shakes Jayce from his thoughts.

“We’re essentially mirroring one another’s steps, in the shape of a box. Each step is a corner,” Jayce describes. His hands are still on Viktor when he realizes he probably should’ve shown him the steps first, with more space between them. He steps away to demonstrate.

They walk through it slowly. One step at a time. Apart and then together again. Jayce gets lost. It might look like he’s letting Viktor work through the stumbling steps on his own, but no, he’s just lost. In Viktor.

Jayce in time relaxes. His right hand splays broader on Viktor’s back, covering so much space. His thumb trailing the line of his spine through the brace. He wants to feel skin. Their palms are slick with sweat, Viktor’s fingers tightening against his hand and shoulder with each misstep.

“Viktor,” Jayce speaks, “eyes on me.”

Instantly Viktor is there, grip still tight and honey amber eyes fixed on his face with determination. A bit of annoyance. Jayce smiles softly. He finds it endearing. Viktor’s intent to learn. Though now Viktor doesn’t respond, doesn’t return to the steps either.

A beat of silence. Then –

“How do you suppose I learn if I am not looking?” Viktor sputters, frustration etched into his features like Jayce asked him for something impossible. It only fuels Jayce’s adoration. Laughing, he pulls away gently, fingertips lingering, and walks over to the small table.

“You’ve done exceptional,” Jayce says as he swipes two pieces of chocolate. He walks back over to Viktor, unwrapping the fudge himself and holding the foil flat for Viktor to pick off of. Even more melted than before, fudge and peanut butter coat the foil, smudging their skin.

“The only exceptional thing I’ve achieved is not breaking any of your toes,” Viktor muses. Joking, but still frustrated. Viktor finishes eating, slipping his thumb into his mouth, ridding it of any left-over fudge.

Jayce finishes his own, tucking the trash into his pocket to deal with later. Busying himself, Jayce stares at Viktor’s feet, partly thinking and partly looking anywhere else that is not Viktor’s mouth. He replays the steps in his mind, imagines Viktor’s brace. Even though he can’t see it now he remembers its design, the mechanics.

While he didn’t lie to Viktor at all, he can understand the hiccups due to the brace. The small steps forward aren’t so much the issue as the side steps and going backwards. Viktor’s leg brace was built for stability. Rigid and sturdy, not for flowing movements. Counterbalancing his weight without his cane is also new.

“Take off your shoes,” Jayce declares. It stops Viktor mid sentence, going on again about Ms. Ellis and when she’ll notice the missing bowl of sweets. He stands there frozen and perplexed. Jayce doesn’t give him a chance to question.

He kicks off his own, and then drops to his knees. Jayce slips the ties of Viktor’s dress shoes loose easily, letting him hold onto his shoulder as his heels slide out.

Perhaps the chocolate has gone to Jayce’s head.

“Now what?” Viktor ask once their both standing again, facing each other, amusement and sarcasm replacing his confusion. They’re both in their socks. Feet sinking into the plush carpet, Jayce takes a step forward, and another.

“Wanted to try something. You’re gonna have to be closer this time though,” Jayce explains. He crowds into Viktor’s space. His right hand reaching forward with confidence, with the excuse that it’s for the dance. Viktor doesn’t hesitate, slipping back into the familiar stance. Until -

“Now, place your feet onto mine,” Jayce explains.

Now Viktor hesitates.

Looking up from the floor, amber eyes on hazel, Viktor says nothing. He just looks at Jayce intently. A moment passes, thick with tension. And in another moment, Viktor drops their clasped hands, grabbing Jayce’s other shoulder.

It shouldn’t be as intimate as it feels. The soft arch of his feet. A shutter shouldn’t rack its way down Jayce’s body as Viktor’s sock covered feet slide onto his.

It’s closer than Jayce thought. Both of Viktor’s hands now rest higher up Jayce’s shoulders. Instinctively, his left found Viktor’s waist, holding him steady as he found his balance and a comfortable position. Just as he settles, looking back to Jayce directly, soft music drifts in from the balcony. The party outside.

Jayce nearly forgot. The sea of people outside, mingling and some dancing themselves. Though Jayce would never trade spots with any of them. Money, power, spotlight. He’s content here. Alone with Viktor, in the sanctity of this room. A new song begins downstairs. Jayce’s cue to start moving.

He moves with a little more effort, the weight of Viktor comforting more than anything though. Gliding across the carpet Jayce starts with a formal Waltz. Poised and perfect. Long strides. He even adds in the turns. He wants Viktor to feel it, the grace of a Waltz you’d perform in front of the eyes of those downstairs.

But here, with Viktor, he shortens his steps soon. Because that is not them. He doesn’t feel the pressure to be perfect in Viktor’s arms. They’re more than fancy parties and the “right way” to dance. He wants Viktor to know he can have it all, that Jayce will show him everything, but that most of all, any way is perfect as long as it’s them. Together.

Before long, they’re simply turning softly, swaying. Moves Viktor could easily do and yet his feet never leave Jayce’s.

“Thank you,” Viktor breathes. The words are spoken lowly enough between them that Jayce barely registers it. Lost again. Jayce hums in response. He can’t do words at the moment.

Viktor’s body has drifted even closer. Jayce thinks if he takes a deep enough breath, their chests might brush together. But right now, it’s Viktor’s hands. Venturing from his shoulders to the nape of his neck, Viktor’s fingers graze against the longer strands of Jayce’s grown out hair. It sends goosebumps erupting, racing across his skin.

“What may I do for you in return? For all of this, tonight?” Viktor ask, his voice different now. Still sweet, still rich, but lower. Jayce understands right then that Viktor reminds him of syrup. His voice specifically. Aged and pure. Sticky sweet and slow. Thick and consuming.

Jayce smiles, responds, “The fudge, remember?”

“No,” Viktor muses, “something else.”

“Teach me something.”

Jayce can’t even regret it, once it’s past his lips and out of his mouth. Words thrown out like a curveball in slow motion. He meant it sincerely. Jayce taught him something, why not offer the same in return?

It came out heavy though. Flirty. Loaded with innuendo due to the slight draw of Jayce’s voice now.

“Like what?” Viktor inquires. It’s this moment Viktor’s fingers, warm and soft, fully slide into Jayce’s hair at the base of his skull. Jayce bites his tongue, and everything he wants to say back.

How to touch you. How to kiss you. How to ask for that from you. Fuck.

Jayce says nothing. He knows though. Viktor knows. Has always been able to read Jayce’s thoughts. Can read it all over his face too, and in the steel look in his eyes.

There is only a beat, soft, before Viktor’s grip tightens in his hair, ripping a gasp from Jayce.

Before he can breathe in again, Viktor’s mouth finds his. Warm. Soft. Their chest fully pressed together now. Jayce’s lungs burn for a full breath, but he doesn’t relent. Neither of them do. He only needs Viktor. To breathe him in.

His arms wrap fully around Viktor’s waist, pulling him in tighter, hands roaming his back now. Their tongues meet and that pit in Jayce’s belly turns molten. A sound Jayce doesn’t want to admit to escapes as Viktor brings a hand around to his face, nails scrapping through his bread. They break apart.

“Jayce,” Viktor rasp.

Jayce doesn’t give him a chance. Driven by need and Viktor’s wrecked tone. Knowing he made him sound like that, he dives back in, erasing the smile from Viktor’s face. Jayce licks behind his teeth, tasting champagne and chocolate, and just - Viktor.

Viktor’s nails scratch his jaw again, venturing lower. His other hand still drags through Jayce’s hair. Things become slower. Hands still roaming, squeezing, pulling. They stand still though. No longer swaying, Jayce’s feet are going numb and tingly beneath them, and he couldn’t care less.

Languid strokes of their tongues draw out more and more sounds. Jayce is distracted. Drowning and loving it. Drinking Viktor in by the lungful. It’s why he doesn’t see it coming.

Another tight grip in his hair, accompanied this time by Viktor’s other hand wrapped around his throat too, squeezing as Viktor sinks his teeth into Jayce’s bottom lip.

“I – unnf.”

Jayce groans, best he can with the way Viktor has his neck cranked back, fingers tightening around his throat.

“Tell me, Jayce. Tell me what you want to learn,” Viktor all but purrs.

He leans in, not going back to fully kissing him but licking across and into Jayce’s open mouth. Like he can’t stop himself either. Like Viktor, too, is fueled by desire, too hungry to wait for a response.

Jayce is weak. Weak when it comes to Viktor. Viktor’s wet mouth and hard touch. He sticks his own tongue out, meeting anywhere Viktor will allow him a taste. He only answers when Viktor pulls back once again.

He pants like a dog. Whines, only a little.

“Teach me how to suck cock.”

[wisedelusionalmarshmallow]

@rosekillermicrofic, December 5th - Reveal, G, Word Count - 399

Arriving at his dorm, Evan found Barty curled up on his bed. It wasn’t an unfamiliar sight; the boy quite often found comfort near Evan and his things. But today felt off. There was something different in the air. 

He gently sits on his bed, beside Barty, and curls up next to him. He can feel Barty’s heavy and laboured breathing. They were lying face to face, but Barty’s visage was hidden by his hair.

Evan pulls Barty’s hair back, revealing his teary eyes. That’s what was off. “Baby,” he coos, pushing his hands to the back of his neck, holding the crying boy closer to him. “What’s all this for, hmm?”

“N—no, I’m, I’m okay. Just give me—a second,” he evades, looking away from his boyfriend, handily coming up to quickly wipe the tears, hiding the evidence.

“Barty. Talk to me,” Evan presses, still cradling his head, forcing him to look forward.

A frustrated look comes over Barty’s face before he’s blubbering again, leaning into Evan’s touch. Hot tears roll down his face, absorbing into both of their shirts. Evan just gives him his time, lets him get it all out. Comforting hands rubbing up and down his back, trying to soothe the pain from his lover.

With Evan’s comforting, Barty calms down enough to start explaining the issue. “I just—I feel like I can’t do anything right. I feel like I should be doing more for people or my classes or—”

“Baby. Where’s this coming from?” Evan asks, shifting so that he’s closer to Barty. “You’re on track to get all outstandings again this year. You’ve got a lovely friend group; you have me. So why are you feeling this way?”

“I—I don’t know. I just—I feel comfortable. I feel happy, and every other time that’s happened, it’s been taken away from me. Is it bad to want to cling to that? I just want to do everything I can so I can have this forever,” Barty admits, looking down between the two of them.

The revelation broke Evan’s heart. Of course, he’s scared of good things. Well—scared of losing good things. He just wants control over his life, something he’s never been given before.

Tilting Barty’s head up again, the boys make eye contact. “I won’t let you lose this,” Evan whispers. And he means it. “Ever.”

Barty nods, swallowing the rest of his tears. “Okay.”

[rhiannonsknife]

perhaps a scenario where jackie is so overwhelmed by her loneliness on a particularly bad night that she seeks us out for once.

maybe it’s the first time she’s came to us for more than just sex. she just needs a break from the world and the only one she feels that understands is us, no matter how much she wants to pretend we don’t.

she doesn’t go too deep into her feelings because jackie taylor would rather die than be honest about herself, but we at least get to see a more vulnerable side of her for more than a split second.

(also jackie taylor who yearns to be touched in a way that’s out of love rather than lust. jeff touches her all the time but never in the way she wants! he’s always sexual, always defensive over her, always pushing for more. his touch feels more violating and constricting than loving.)

- 🦔

hurt/comfort in the secretly hooking up with jackie taylor universe?? can you believe it??

jackie taylor showing up at your door in the middle of the night is not something you’re used to. not like this, anyway. normally, it’s you sneaking into her bedroom after a party, or sneaking out of it again when she has decided that she’s had enough. it’s her waiting in her car at the end of your driveway, the both of you chasing something thrilling, that neither of you should be doing at all.

tonight is different.

tonight, when jackie knocks, it is soft, hesitant. when you open the door, she stands before you in an oversized sweatshirt that doesn’t belong to her, with her arms crossed tightly over her chest.

her makeup is smeared, and her usual perfectly curated image is cracked.

“jackie?” you say, your voice still groggy from the sleep she’s interrupted. “what are you doing here?”

she doesn’t answer immediately, her eyes darting past you like she’s scanning the hall for someone watching. when she finally meets your gaze again, she asks: “can i come in?”

you step aside without hesitation, closing the door behind jackie as she moves past you. she doesn’t take a seat, doesn’t remove her shoes. instead, she lingers awkwardly in the middle of the room, fidgeting with the sleeve of her sweatshirt.

“i just-“ jackie stops herself, biting her lip like she’s regretting coming here out of all places. “i needed to get out of there”

“out of where?”

“the house. away from jeff. from everyone. it’s just…too much”

you take a careful step closer. “jackie, what’s going on?”

her jaw tightens, and she looks away, her chin trembling slightly. “it’s nothing, okay?” she says quickly. “i don’t know why i came here!”

you do know why. even if she won’t say it, even if she’ll fight it with all that she’s got. jackie has always been good at wearing masks, at pretending she’s got it all figured out. tonight, she’s raw, exposed in a way she probably hates. and instead of running to jeff or shauna, she came to you.

“jackie,” you say again, taking another step closer. “you don’t have to explain. just…sit down, okay? you don’t have to be anywhere else right now”

she hesitates, still not looking at you, but eventually she sits on the edge of your couch, her posture stiff, like she doesn’t know how to let herself relax. you sit beside her, careful to give her space but close enough that she can feel you there.

for a while, neither of you speaks.

then, slowly, as you give jackie the time she needed, her shoulders slump, the tension seeping out of her frame. she leans back against the couch, her head falling to rest on your shoulder. when you move your hand to hers, gently lacing your fingers together, she doesn’t pull away. jackie exhales a shaky breath, her thumb brushing against yours in slow circles.

“you’re different,” she murmurs after a while. “you don’t…want anything from me”

“what do you mean?”

jackie closes her eyes, her face pinched like she’s warring with herself. “with jeff, with…everyone, it’s always about them. what i can give them. what they need me to be…” her voice cracks, and she pulls her hand away, gripping her knees instead. “with you…it’s different. you don’t push. you just-“ she stops, shaking her head as if saying any more might break her.

you reach out again, resting a hand gently on her knee. “jackie,” you say softly. “you don’t have to be anything for me. i just…i want you to feel okay. that’s all.”

“do you mean that?” she asks quietly.

“of course i do,” you tell her, your voice steady. ypu won’t let this chance to prove yourself to her slide. “you don’t have to pretend with me, jackie. not tonight”

or ever, you want to say, but you don’t want to scare jackie off.

her breathing hitches anyway. she doesn’t cry, not yet, but you can tell she’s close to the edge of a breakdown she’s too proud to let you see.

she avoids your gaze as she tries to keep it together. “this is so stupid,” she mutters, her voice barely above a whisper. “i’m fine, okay? just- just forget it”

you couldn’t ‘forget it’ if you tried.

“come here,” you say gently, brushing your thumb over her knuckles.

jackie hesitates, her brows knitting together. “what?”

“come here,” you repeat, softer this time, tugging her hand lightly. “let’s just…lay down for a bit. you don’t have to talk. just let me hold you, okay?”

her face twists, expression caught somewhere between defiance and embarrassment. “i don’t need-“ jackie stops, swallowing hard.

“you don’t have to need it,” you tell her, your voice steady but warm. “just let me do it anyway”

there’s a long pause where jackie seems to weigh her options. then, finally, she exhales, a shaky, broken sound that makes your chest ache. she doesn’t say anything as she nods, just barely, but it’s enough for you to guide her gently to the couch, lying down first and opening your arms for her.

for a second, she lays unmoving before she curls into your side, her head resting against your chest. as you run a soothing hand down her back, the tension slowly begins to ebb away.

“this is…” jackie starts, her voice muffled against your shirt. she trails off, her fingers fidgeting with the hem of your sleeve. “i don’t know how to do this,” she admits after a moment, so quietly you almost don’t hear her.

“do what?” you ask softly, your fingers tracing gentle patterns on her shoulder blade.

“this,” she repeats, gesturing vaguely. “just…being close to someone like this. without it meaning something else”

it’s not hard to imagine what she means; jeff, with his hands always possessive, always wanting more. people who only ever see her as a trophy, as something to take rather than someone to cherish. time and time again, the fact that you could be somebody to do better for her has broken you. now, for the first time, a part of her had known that. the part that made her show up to your doorstep in the middle of the night.

“you’re doing fine,” you tell her, pressing a light kiss to the crown of her head.

as the minutes pass, jackie’s breathing evens out, the rise and fall of her chest syncing with your own. you keep your arms around her, your hand stroking her back in a steady rhythm until your hand grows too heavy to move it, until your lashes flutter shut. the quiet comfort of her warmth against you lulls you into a sleep you didn’t even realize you needed. the first sleep with jackie to your chest.

when you wake up, the sunlight is streaming softly through the curtains. you blink groggily, your fingers searching for the warmth of jackie’s body on the couch cushion by your side. that’s when you realize she’s gone.

the space beside you on the couch is empty, but the blanket draped over your shoulders wasn’t there before. you sit up slowly, the ache of disappointment impossible to ignore, but then your eyes catch something on the coffee table.

a note.

it’s written on the back of an old receipt, the ink smudged slightly at the edges, but the handwriting unmistakably jackie’s.

i’m sorry i left early. i didn’t want to wake you. thanks for last night. for everything. - j

at the bottom, there’s a tiny heart drawn hastily next to her initials. it’s small, almost insignificant, but it makes your chest ache in the way only jackie taylor ever could.

it’s not a grand gesture or a declaration of love. it’s subtle, restrained. so jackie. still, it’s enough. it’s a reminder that even if she keeps running, even if she never fully lets you in, she sees you. jackie needs you, in her own way, even if she’s too scared to say it outright.

you set the note down gently, brushing your fingers over the paper. for one fleeting night, she let herself be real with you. for one night, she couldn’t hide how much she wants to be loved.

the hope that maybe, one of these nights, she’ll stop running altogether, is exactly why you stay.

[i-am-evilsylveon]

So like… I came across this video explaining and coming up with their own take on the Bayverse of Transformers. And they have a good point on things!

Optimus Prime is sadistic and throws tantrums when he doesn’t get what he wants. He actually brutally kills Decepticons while the supposed enemies are actually merciful and better at stealth.

So I thought about have Bayverse Optimus(More like Nemesis) Prime come to the world/s of a different universe. Seeing another Optimus being merciful, calm and collected while actually acknowledging his own flaws. I think he’d joking the autobots but never really learn anything about these new teammates because they remind him of his fallen comrades. It’s until he brutally kills a Decepticon, who was probably just a goon, does either side now know how far Optimus has fallen in his universe.

Loosing so many friends, rebuilding his empire, using human labor to do so, and slowly losing his sanity every day that passes by. It takes a toll on one’s mentality. So Optimus has had a very shitty life, and now both Autobots and Decepticons fear him or at least now see him as an immediate threat.

The Optimus of that universe would try and explain how things work here, but Nemesis would attack him and tell the other Optimus Prime that he won’t take orders or listen to someone who can’t even wipe out Megatron permanently. He did it so easily with no hesitation, and would do it again.

Optimus would get away and Megatron would try and trick Nemesis into joining the Decepticon’s side. However, this would end up with many dead and his ass on the run.

Now both Decepticons and Autobots have to team up in order to stop Nemesis from killing anyone else who may stand in his way. The other day he just murdered a human point blank, along with an autobot trying to defuse the situation. Clearly this Prime has lost his way, and it’s up to them to send him back or destroy him. They take no chances and no pleasure in doing this. This leaves both Megatron and Optimus is this numb feeling about how far this war has come.

Optimus now fears that this is what can happen to him. Megatron knows that Nemesis killed his Megatron and doesn’t know how to think or feel about this. Nemesis has taken a new meaning on what it means to be a Decepticon or even a Terracon.

Inspiration came from Empire Wreckers who made a 40 minute video about the Bayverse films and their take on it. Link right here if you wanna watch it: https://youtu.be/zVVSl9wtToc?si=Pu7-kiIwJOtD1bRF

[homestuckreplay]

My First Social Interaction In 413 Years

(page 1040-1051)

THE AIMLESS RENEGADE SHOT AT WV AND PM. I’m furious over this. There will be no forgiveness. But it makes sense that since Jack Noir was recently introduced as a potential villain for the beta kids – certainly for John, as he’s imprisoning his dad – we are getting a villain for the future folks too.

I really like the nervousness between WV and PM (p.1044) which I’m sure could be interpreted as romantic, but I personally see it as the first motions towards truce between these two different sides of a war. This might be the first time either of them has interacted with someone from the other planet in a non-hostile way. They’ve also both been wandering the wasteland without meeting anyone else in person for potentially up to 413 years, so any social interaction is probably nervewracking under those conditions – it’s not like either of them were great at interacting with the kids. These first movements towards friendship between them are very sweet.

PM’s sword is back and so badass. I think real mail workers should also be allowed to carry a sword for self defense. I hope that worm with the mailbox in its jaws is gently holding it for PM and not about to take a chomp, otherwise it’s about to have a bad time.

Page 1041 is drawn in a full color, wide brush scribbly style that was also used on page 1007, but used here for a more landscapey page (plus Jade’s ‘==> cover!’) it looks like a hybrid between the cleaner future style and Jade’s note (p.1038), further blurring the boundaries between the present and the future, between Jade and WV. Although I’m not sure what the ‘<== hurry!’ is doing, as that seems directed to PM, who hasn’t looked at the note yet so can’t be following the order.

This update also introduces some Gender. Jade refers to PM as ‘Miss Mail Lady’, and has previously called WV ‘Mister Mayor’. I think it is a little strange that a chess piece construct has a gender but I respect people’s pronouns. Later, Jade thinks that the other Prospit moon tower only differs from hers as it’s ‘home to a young boy instead of a young girl’, though I’d say the clown presence and the inhabitant being asleep are more striking differences.

@tenaciouschronicler was so right to mention keeping an eye on dichotomies, and that’s definitely a theme I want to write lots about in the future, but I’m especially interested with how dichotomies are set up and then questioned or subverted. We’re seeing this with the art style, with the different timelines, possibly with the light and dark sides of the war, and hopefully with gender (although that could be my personal bias).

I actually forgot to even speculate who or what might be in the other tower, but John being there (in a matching golden outfit!) explains this earlier conversation.

GG: oh gosh john i really want to tell you all this stuff!!! GG: but i cant yet GG: i really think you need to wake up first! EB: huh? GG: well ok not literally GG: well ok maybe KINDA literally!! (p.652)

I think that awake Jade had this conversation with John, because of the Jade inequality where waking Jade seems aware of dream Jade’s existence, but the reverse doesn’t seem true – dream Jade isn’t aware of the finger reminder system (p.777, 1050). Waking Jade wants to explain the difference between these two selves to John, but she thinks John won’t believe her, because John doesn’t know about this alternate version of himself. If the dream self represents the unconscious then perhaps now that he can see the graffiti in his waking room, he’ll be ready to realize this. This means that the previous conversations Jade has with John (p.169, p.293) happen while Jade is asleep – in fact, are presumably about to happen, because she’s about to message John to ask about his present (p.1051).

Which means that the explosion Jade describes on page 169 actually happens on Prospit, possibly as a consequence of the eclipse Jade is nervous about. It also means that there is a version of Bec somewhere on Prospit, as he warns her away from investigating between the two conversations (p.293). This all calls into question my sense that Jade likes to take control of conversations, dispensing information slowly as she knows more than her friends – if her dream self isn’t even aware of her waking self’s life, and if she’s dreaming during roughly half her conversations, her information is a lot more imperfect than I thought. That’s exciting to me, and makes it well worth rereading all of Jade’s conversations and trying to figure out which Jade is talking.

Clearly, John has been within the Medium since before he entered the Medium. How long has he been here, and how does that line up with how long John and Jade have been friends while awake? Did Jade see the kid in the other tower and decide to search for him while awake using some of her powers? Or did John talking to Jade online ‘infect’ him slightly with some of her abilities and pull him under Skaia’s will? Is the whole thing a total coincidence, or is it a “coincidence”, predetermined by Skaia? Which version of Jade – awake or dreaming – was talking to John the first time they met online?

And no shit John is having troubled dreams. There’s an imp on his bed. Specifically, a black chess piece, which is unexpected on Prospit. And his graffiti is also here, so it’s a fair guess he’s dreaming about clowns. I’m thinking about how Prospit is supposed to be the planet of goodness of light, working for the righteous cause of protecting Skaia, but Jade and John both go through some rough stuff. Even if it can’t extend to waking life, I’d expect a place like this to guard its wards from unpleasant dreams, and one single imp doll should not be able to overpower the entire planet. So what’s going on? What are the secret dark sides to this luminous planet?

Page 1051 (below) has to be one of the coolest visual panels so far. The white/blue to black/yellow transition, with Jade hovering bravely between the two planets bringing the colors from the bottom section into the top, and the geometric reflections of Prospit superimposed on the swirling clouds, are all stunning and make the eclipse feel like an important moment.

> Jade: Reminisce about previous eclipse.

[watchandread02]

For the "Holidays with the Winchesters: A very Destiel Advent Calendar" by @archervale and @wormstacheangel

Day twenty: Miracle

Ao3

The bright light emitting from Jack, has Dean turn around and shield his eyes. As the light slowly begins to fade, Dean starts to turn back around to see a very similar silhouette. When the light has completely dissipated, Cas is standing there with a bundle in his arms.

Dean stands stock still for a moment, while Sam immediately moves in to hug Cas. As Sam pulls back, Cas locks eyes with Dean and they stare at each other for a bit. Until Dean finally unsticks his feet from the ground and starts moving towards Cas. He pulls Cas into a crushing hug, being sure to avoid the bundle Cas is still holding. As Dean draws back from the hug, he looks down at the bundle in Cas’ arms.

“Is that Jack?” Dean asks, as he notices the similarities in the facial features.

“Yes this is Jack. He seems to be fine, his powers are still there just dormant, for now. He’s going to grow up like a normal human child, until he is old enough and his powers come back for him to take them on without getting overwhelmed. But for now we will have to take care of him.” Cas explains, rocking Jack gently in his arms.

“I’m sure you’ll be a great father, Cas.” Sam pipes up, from where he had given Dean and Cas a moment to reunite.

Cas looks at both Dean and Cas as he says, “all of us will do our best at this. I won’t be able to do this on my own. More importantly, I don't want to do it on my own. That is if you even want to help out?”

“Of course we’ll help Cas. We should probably go to the store and get some stuff for the kid though.” Dean answers, only having to check in with Sam for a quick second, before answering for the both of them.

They spent the rest of the day settling in with Jack. They go to the store to buy the essentials and set a crib and changing table up in Cas’ room. Once the day draws to a close, they are all tired from the day’s activities and decide unanimously that they will call it an early night.

After Dean has made himself comfortable for bed, in an old, soft t-shirt and sweatpants, he moves down the hall to Cas’ room. Cas’ door is cracked open and there is light spilling out into the hallway, so Dean knocks gently on the door.

“Come in,” Cas says softly.

Dean steps into the room, to see Cas already in bed, sitting up against the headboard and Jack lying in his crib, sleeping peacefully.

“I just wanted to check up on you two. Everything alright? Do you need anything?” Dean asks, as he moves over to Jack’s crib.

“Yes, everything is fine. I don’t think we need anything else, but thank you for asking.” Cas replies.

“Alright, I’ll let you rest then. Goodnight Jack.” Dean says as he kisses Jack’s forehead.

Dean straightens up again and turns to face Cas, “Goodnight to you as well, Cas.”

“Goodnight Dean.” Cas says as he smiles softly at Dean.

Dean goes to walk out of the room, but the moment Dean steps through the door, the peaceful silence is pierced by a scream. He quickly moves back into the room and the moment he does, the screaming stops and Jack immediately settles back down in his crib. Cas and Dean exchange a glance of confusion. Testing out a theory, Dean steps back out through the doorway and the second he crosses the threshold, Jack begins to cry again. He steps back into the room swiftly and Jack calms down straight away. Cas and Dean share astonished glances.

“Well it looks like you’ll have to stay here, for now. How do you want to do this?” Cas asks.

“We’re two grown men, I think we can share a bed without making it awkward, right?” Dean answers back.

“I guess, yes. As long as you’ll be comfortable sharing with me?” Cas questions.

“Yeah no problem,” Dean says as he gets into bed next to Cas, “we should probably get some rest, before Jack inevitably wakes us up in the middle of the night.”

Cas nods as he turns to shut off the bedside lamp. They both try to settle into the mattress in the dark. Dean feels uncomfortable in the heavy silence that has fallen between them. After a few minutes of both of them just lying stiff as boards on their backs and Cas twitching next to him, Dean lets out a sigh.

“Come here.” Dean huffs out.

“What?” Css asks, bewildered.

Dean turns onto his side, as he replies, “I said come here. We’re both way too uncomfortable like this. Maybe it will even stop you from twitching.”

“Ok.” Cas whispers, as he starts moving towards Dean.

Cas shuffles over on the bed until he bumps against Dean’s body. They both try to figure out how to lie down comfortably, before settling down, with Cas’ head pillowed on Dean’s chest and Dean’s arm wrapped around Cas. They both stiffen for a bit, before slowly relaxing against each other. With Cas’ warm body against his and the gentle puffs of air against his chest, Dean falls asleep quickly.

Dean is startled out of the tranquil dream he was having, when Jack starts screaming. Him and Cas both sit upright and look at each other for a split second, before jumping out of bed and going over to Jack’s crib. Cas picks him up and Jack calms down considerably.

“I’ll go make a bottle, while you change him. That alright with you?” Dean questions.

“Of course Dean.” Cas replies, already moving over to the changing table.

“I’ll be back in a bit.” Dean says as he moves towards the door.

Dean leaves the room to walk to the kitchen to make up a bottle with formula. While he is in there, Dean starts thinking about the way Cas had fit into his side. Maybe he’ll have to bring up the way he feels about Cas, sooner than later. Because he doesn’t know if he could hold himself back, from kissing a sleep rumpled Cas again. After a few minutes he goes back to Cas’ room, bottle in hand. In Cas’ room he finds Cas walking up and down the length of it, bouncing Jack and singing softly to him.

Dean walks up to them and holds out the bottle to Cas. Cas takes it from his hands, but instead of starting to feed Jack he places the bottle on the table.

“You want to do the honors?” Cas asks.

“You would let me?” Dean wonders.

“Of course Dean. I already told you that I don’t want to do this alone, that means that you’ll also get to hold him, feed him, change his diaper, whatever Jack needs, you’ll be able to help him as well.” Cas says as he sways gently with Jack in his arms.

Dean contemplates that for a moment, before holding out his arms, “alright, hand him over then.”

Cas does just that and Jack relaxes easily into Dean’s arms. Cas holds out the bottle to Dean, but before he takes it, Dean nestles into the bed. As Dean starts feeding Jack, Cas settles in next to the two of them and they just silently watch Jack, as he greedily drinks from the bottle. Once Jack is finished, Dean stands up to burp him and then puts him back in his crib. Jack goes down easily and when Dean turns back to the bed, Cas is already holding up the blanket for Dean to slip under.

Dean settles into Cas' side and they lay down, their body’s intertwining easily this time around.

“Hey Cas?” Dean whispers, breaking the comfortable silence that had fallen between them.

“Yes Dean.” Cas answers.

“I love you.”

Cas stiffens against him for a moment, before pushing up on his arms and staring down at Dean.

“You do?” Cas asks, uncertainty.

“Yeah I do, I truly do. I should have told you back then. But I was shocked and couldn’t react, but I want you to know that I love you. And not, I love you like a brother. But I am in love with you, I love you, romantically.” Dean rushes out in one breath, but Cas seems to understand him just fine, since he smiles softly and moves in closer to Dean.

“I love you too.” Cas breaths out, before closing the gap between them.

Dean and Cas share a short, sweet kiss. But both of them are too tired to really do much more than press their lips together for a moment, just relishing in the contact. They reange themselves so that Dean’s back is pressed to Cas’ front and Dean drifts off into sleep, content in Cas’ arms. Even though he will be woken up again in a few hours by Jack, Dean falls asleep with a smile on his face. Thinking to himself that it’s truly a miracle that he not only got Cas back, but that he gets to be with Cas like this and that Jack is lying just a few feet away from them, sleeping peacefully. If you have an all powerful kid, Christmas wishes can actually come true.

[the-100-days-of-junkan]

Day 82

Another one that I love!~ Gonna be a lot of those from here on if you couldn’t tell!

Junko’s the Ultimate Fashionista (in the english release at least but hey Ultimate Gyaru has to have a little crossover right??), so of course she handles Mikan’s wardrobe the moment she’s allowed to. So . . . Extremely cute scene of her having Mikan try out clothes to see what she does and doesn’t like. 

An opportunity for Junko to pamper Mikan, AND i get to draw Mikan in a sweater???? Heaven. Also like are we all in agreement that sweaters just look fuckin amazing on Mikan?? Like I admit, I think I just like drawing Sweaters on Mikan but they just make her look so much cuter because of how god damn cozy she looks in em. 

Unfortunately that’s all I have to talk about for that topic? I think? So instead let’s shift over to a recent development involving Junkan!

I’m in the midst of working on the Junkan Christmas Eve comic, which hopefully will be getting posted on time a few days after this, and during the process of making there’s been something new with my current abilities.

I have officially hit the point of proper freehanding on these two.

Y’see this probably won’t make too much sense but i’ll do my best to explain. 

So normally when it comes to sketches I’ve done things a bit less proper compared to more professional artists. I usually get a little start on the anatomy, and then just start sketching all the character details and moving out from there. It isn’t often that I do a full sketch for the basic anatomy of a character, I only do it when I really wanna not fuck up a pose. And as you also know up till now only one piece in this event was drawn normally. Everything else is a sketch that i cleaned up and colored, or just a sketch. 

This is because generally speaking I can’t do art using my normal pen tool without a sketch to work off of, it requires a lot more finesse to use the G-Pen both because of the larger shifts that can occur in line width, and the slightly looser feel it has compared to my Pencil Tool. 

That’s all to say that I have drawn Junko and Mikan so many fucking times that I can just, draw them without proper sketches now. I’m at a point where I just need to draw the head, torso, and legs for an anatomy sketch, and then with the G-Pen I can just, draw from there. That’s big for me personally, and also fucked up because god how even??? There hasn’t been a drop in quality either so far, i’m still able to refine the expressions and i haven’t fucked up with the arms too much yet, I’d even say it’s resulted in some of my favorite Junkos and Mikans period.

Now, the catch is that again, this is only Junko and Mikan. I could prooooobably get to this point with Mukuro eventually just because her design is much simpler compared to other DR Characters? I struggle with getting her colors right rather than linework, but that’s about it and still not really useful in my main line of work unless I memorize every character that’s ever existed, and it took like 150 fucking times for Junkan I can’t do that for an obscure RPG character that I might get commissioned once and then never again. 

It’s also not something that I think i’ll apply to my normal Junkan works, because I am a perfectionist to a fault when it comes to pieces I care about and I want to make sure every detail these is exact. I need to be meticulous for ship art like this, every detail is important. And I can maximize that with sketching.

This new skill is basically useful for one thing. Speed. 

I pride myself on my efficiency, even if I have waned over the years due to burnout and overwork, when I get into it I can fuckin move with my art. And so if I need to say, make a 28 page comic in under a month? Being able to mostly skip an entire phase of the art process is very, VERY useful, ESPECIALLY because it’s a comic. Something which generally takes more time than my normal art by nature of it’s format and what it involves. When making the Comic for Day 60 it was all sketches, which was equally fast but could leave small imperfections at the time that either went under my radar or I just let slide because i was trying to be efficient. 

This is basically perfect for having to speedrun a Junkan comic, it’s all the speed with the usual amount of visual quality.

So in short . . . I’m turning into a nightmarish hell machine but specifically for drawing Junkan. I am genuinely curious how much farther I can go up from here, like, what the hell else could I be capable of with this???? Am I just gonna learn how to fuckin beam the art onto the canvas with my brain???

Moral of the story is just get mind numbingly obsessed with a ship and I guess you’ll get better at stuff??? I have no idea, i’m still kind of processing the comedic value of what this year has been because I was desperate for these two to make out. 

As always, Reblogs, Comments, and Little Notes in the Tags are appreciated!~ They always make my day!~

[flowerhashira-kanae]

continued from: here

"I should hope so...They actually inspired me to try to be better..." *Perhaps an excited student presenting their latest project to their teachers might be more accurate of a comparison? He points to the sword-loss-preventative attachment before explaining it* "With this one, one end will attach to either the guard or handle of the sword, whichever one works best and the other end will attach to the slayer uniforms belt-loops. It will also be stretchy enough to stretch the users entire arm-span without the snap-back effect hindering the effectiveness of the users swing" *He pauses for a moment and looks at the two with a slightly confused expression* "I really don't mean to...just spiders are so effective at what they do and webbing has so many uses...and I do not really know how else to help...As for talking about using these with your master, the other hashira and the weaker slayers; that would probably be for the best...considering these could very well be essentials once muzan makes his next move..."

(holy mother of the gods, the queens and holy freaking shit tumblr is driving me up one side of the crazy tree and down the other)

She smiles softly. She couldn’t wait to bring Tanjiro and Nezuko over to see him. She knew it’d make all of their day just to see each other. She holds her sister close as she watches his little presentation with excitement. “Hm….it might make more sense to see it in action I’m a little confused on how this might work sorry.” She wanted to understand him so bad because he seemed so happy but it was still a little confusing. She sighs. “Yea it’s just that I don’t want to overwork all of you since I know you’re still so small and your spiders are too. The hashira are pretty strong so we won’t need it as much as the younger slayers but I’ll still discuss it with them.”

Shinobu agrees with her. “Yea it’s better for them to try it out first just incase something doesn’t work right. Also they definitely need any help than can get based off how terribly the training is going.”

[takemetodragonstone]

roman and gerri are the jaime and brienne of succession

[brittlebutch]

sonic and snufkin actually kind of feel like very similar characters to me. holding hands over “my personal sense of freedom and dedication to making decisions based on what I think is right is what matters most, and if you’ve built some idealized version of me in your head then that’s none of my business and it’s not my responsibility if the reality of who i am lets you down in some way”. also the deep connection to nature and all.

[sadgirlautumn]

I’m currently very upset about the American healthcare system. Like I hope they know that they are making people actively sicker 🫶