#i wish to return to thailand

[forestlion]

Heizung ausgefallen its kms Sunday

[madeinjapan-thailand-blbambeyond]

MADE IN THAILAND

Upcoming Series: Flavor Of Us

The Return of :

BENJAMIN BRASIER

[Nickname: BEN]

WORANART RATTHANAPHAST

[Nickname: DOME]

Starring:

KRIT SONGDECHAKRAIWUT

[Nickname: PEIPEI]

PHANPEE RATCHATASAKORN

with:

JIRAKITH HONGTHONG

[Nickname: RANG]

AKKARADANAI PUTHAPOKASAB

[Nickname: MARWIN]

THANET KHONPHIAN

[Nickname: KONG]

[hallowpen]

There are a handful of scenes that I want to discuss...

1) Anil asking for her father's permission (part one)

I actually prefer the English translation of the line, "My life as a princess is somehow like a pretty bird in a fine cage. I shall never let anyone force me to cage up my heart within that imprisonment ever again."

Anil is always clever in the way she can manipulate the feelings of those around her... including her father, who does not wish to see her leave his side.

This scene really sums up the central dilemma Anil has faced in regards to her relationship with Pin. She does not have nearly as much control over her life within the palace, and should she choose to renounce her title to be with the person she loves, she would be forced to leave her entire family behind... which would, in turn, leave her family in disgrace of her actions (in the eyes of royal society).

It's not an easy choice because Anil loves her family dearly, and Pin knows that more than anyone.

Which brings me to this scene:

2) Pin asking for Anil's father's permission

Where Anil's request is bold and almost threatening... Pin's approach is bold in a different way. In a similar vein to how she once pleaded with Princess Patt, Pin begs for his highness's approval in order to protect Anil from the hurt of losing her family. Again, while it may not seem like it, it's actually incredibly brave for someone of Pin's status to appeal for mercy (in the face of breaking from tradition) by challenging those who hold royal authority.

3) Anil asking for her father's permission (part two)

"It might not be acceptable in our society today, but in the future, I truly believe that this kind of love will be widely accepted. Our world will be more open and equal. Whether we are men or women, all of us shall have the freedom to be ourselves, to show our love, and to become whatever it is that we want to be. Most importantly, marriage shall be recognized both socially and legally... regardless of our gender. I truly believe that love is indefinable and it should not be restricted to only between a man and a woman."

The obstacle here has always been social acceptance. Even Anan points out, "Father is not against what Anil is, he only worries about her social status." I spoke about the formalities of renouncing one's title in episode 13... but there would be social consequences as well. Yes, Anil and Pin plan to move to England, but it'd be impossible to erase their choice from the murmurings of Thai royal society. Someone of Anil's status cannot disappear quietly. And should Anil and Pin ever choose to return to Thailand, for whatever reason, their decisions will follow them... most especially in Anil's case, as she would no longer hold any influence OR be welcome in any of her previous social circles.

The best and most realistic outcome for Anil and Pin (and, by extension, their family) to avoid social disgrace, would be for them to remain living together at the palace... a marriage in everything but name.

I can't believe we've come to the end of our TLP journey. I think I have given all the cultural guidance I am capable of giving... and I hope that it lent some insight into the overall narrative being told and the characters involved in it.

Thank you all for giving this series a chance and taking the time to learn about all of the cultural nuances portrayed throughout its sixteen episodes. 💖💖💖

[srbachchan]

DAY 6101

Jalsa, Mumbai Nov , 1, 2024/Nov 2 , Fri/Sat 12:08 am

🪔 ,

And the wishes to the Ef ..

November 02 .. birthday wishes to Ef Erlika from Indonesia 🇮🇩 .. Ef Abhijit Jagtab from Pune .. and .. Ef Dipagala Gala .. 🙏🏻❤️🚩

November 01 .. birthday wishes to Ef Vishan Lal 🪈 from Gurugram .. Ef Honey Aishu from Bangkok - Thailand 🇹🇭 .. Ef Nouranne Achraf from Egypt / France 🇪🇬🇫🇷 .. Ef Pankaj Shukla from Indore .. Ef Shubhra Rattan .. and Ef Somraj Mane from Kolhapur .. 🙏🏻❤️🚩

..

may this new year in your lives bring greater joy and prosperity ❤️🌹

Govardhan Pooja ... नमस्कार 🙏

and the festivities continue .. as do all the rituals .. and among all this Australia declares the month of October as a heritage month of Hindu festivities .. grace and divine blessings ..

But the intimacy of soft celebrations and the adherence to the control of many environmental obligations is revered .. as another year of the year of Lights ends , to another day of light ..

The intrigue of religious festivities .. their time and date and occasion still brings a wonder to many .. indeed to a great many .. and the readings of our Ef Sudhir and his dedicated research on the subject does evoke curiosity .. and awareness ...

The Calendar

There are two lunar calendars in the Jyotish Shastra… One is Purnaant and the other is Amaant…

There's a gap of 15 days between the two, although the order of the months are the same…

For instance, Deepavali's Lakshmi puja is on Purnaant Kartik Amavasya… while the same day is Amaant Ashwin Amavasya in some states…

So, the festival has a different reason in each region, and one common reason at the national level…

Like, the South, where the Lakshmi puja night of diwali is to recall the victory of Krishna over Narakaasur… In the North, it's for the return of Shri Ram to Ayodhya…

The concept of a civilisation made of many cultures dates back to the Treta Yug…

Diwali is celebrated for different days in different places… One day, three days, five days and eleven days… depending on the local history…

Yes… the different calendars, different cultures, but the same festivals, and the same civilisation…

You know, what… I think it's always an advantage when we do something that has no precedence… when there is nothing to refer…

This organisation of a nation is first envisaged in the chronicles of the satyug… each kingdom was called a country… group of countries was a region… the collective of regions was called a nation…

In Hindi - देश, प्रदेश तथा राष्ट्र…

What calendar do I follow?

I follow Rishi Varāhamihira's Brihat Samhita… In that, there is no need of dividing time into months and years…

The movements of cosmic objects don't need a calendar to have months and years… Only days are enough… Just count the days from a no-moon or a new-moon… the patterns are measurable and predictable…

Like,

The diwali always happens on the same no-moon night… regardless of which month in which state…

Thus, all the differences are dissolved in the universal medium… 🙂

About the light…

Darkness is not displaced by light… darkness is eliminated by light…

तमसो मा ज्योतिर्गमय।

Easiest way to do it is: Use one lamp to light the next… A series of lamps… Hence, Deepavali… Deep + Aavali - strings of light…

एक ब्रह्म है… एक सत्य है… एक ही है परमात्मा… प्राणों से प्राण मिलाते चलो.

my obsessed gratitude ..

my love and regard ...

Amitabh Bachchan

[lesfruitsdores]

Thai nationals Nutthawaree Munkan and Boonthom Pankhong, former hostages in Gaza who were freed in late November, got married in a private ceremony in Thailand a few days ago, the Ynet news site reported Sunday.

The couple fell in love and began a relationship while working as agricultural laborers on a moshav in southern Israel, but were separated on October 7, when Hamas stormed Israeli border communities in an onslaught that killed 1,200 and saw 253 taken hostage, about 130 of whom still remain in Gaza.

Both Munkan and Pankhong were freed in November after 50 days of captivity as part of a weeklong truce between Israel and Hamas that saw 105 hostages, including 23 Thai workers, released.

After recuperating in Israel, the couple reunited and returned to Thailand to settle in the Khon Kaen province of the country’s northeast.

“It was a small ceremony with only our parents and close relatives. It didn’t suit us to hold a big wedding ceremony,” Munkan told Ynet from Thailand.

She and her husband planned to get married long before their capture, and were working to “save money for a future together.”

Despite the immense hardship they faced as Hamas hostages, the couple intends to return to Israel for financial reasons, but “look for a safer place” rather than returning to somewhere close to the Gaza border.

“We decided together that we would do this in order to have the means to send our children to good schools and save money for when they grow up. I watched the news from Israel and saw missiles fell in the north, but it didn’t change our decision,” said Munkan.

The Thai citizens released from Hamas captivity are seen with Thai officials in Israel on November 25, 2023. (Courtesy)

“I can honestly say that we’re very worried about the captives, both Thais and Israelis,” said Munkan, who was the only woman among the Thai nationals who was taken captive. “We really wish for their return soon.”

Munkan confessed that she still constantly thinks back to what she endured as a Hamas hostage.

“It was like dying,” she said. “It was a miracle that I left Gaza. The current situation is cruel, and simply terrible.”

During her captivity in the Gaza Strip, Nutthawaree formed a friendship with an Israeli woman Danielle Aloni and her 5-year-old daughter Emilia, and reunited with them over video chat while recovering in the hospital.

“For both of us, captivity was like the end of our lives, and we have been free for a long time. I find it hard to understand how the remaining hostages will survive. I can’t stop thinking about them,” she said.

[formulakatya]

MET YOU AT THE RIGHT TIME | MICK SCHUMACHER

"living in a movie i've watched and funny, cause you couldn't have called it, met you at the right time, this is what it feels like"

not my gif :)

part 1

summary: where your best friend is sick of you thinking your not deserving of love and so she introduces you to a certain someone

pairing: mick schumacher x professional golfer!reader

notes: hi! sorry for the long wait but part 2 of ‘this is what it feels like’ is finally out, thank you for your patience 😭🤍

warnings: a universe where mick is in ferrari and ferrari aren’t idiots

—

“amazing drive, mick!” you smiled, congratulating the german, “congrats on that win!”

“thank you, (y/n),” mick smiled shyly as both of you exited the paddock and walked down the streets of monaco, the sun setting as nighttime came. “so, uhm…how’s golf going? lily says you’re amazing at it.”

chuckling, you shook your head, “i hope she didn’t oversell me to you.” smiling as mick let out a laugh, you couldn’t help but let out a laugh of your own. “well, i just won my first major— the chevron championship— uhm, and i also managed to win the cognizant founders cup after that…before that i won the honda lpga tournament in thailand.”

“your kidding!” mick exclaimed, looking at you.

“oh no, did she oversell me? because if she did—“

“no, no! absolutely not,” mick smiled. “she talks about you a lot and before i met you i already had a good impression of you based off the things she said…and then i met you and you’re really just as much of an angel as she says you are,” he chuckled.

“really?”

“yeah,” he nodded, “and for the record, she never told me you were winning tournaments left and right…when’s your next one?”

“the lotte championship in hawaii,” you replied, “and why are we only talking about me? come on, lily says you have a dog!”

“she told you about angie?” he smiled as he scrolled through his camera roll quickly to find a picture, “she’s an australian shepherd.”

“stop, she’s so cute,” you shook your head, “i wish i had a dog…”

“i’ll let you meet angie one day.”

“please, that’ll be a dream come true.” laughing, you averted your gaze to the sunset as the both of you neared the restaurant.

mick smiled, admiring you for a split second. “am i allowed to say you’re pretty or is that too soon?”

—

you let out a deep breath as you took your driver from your caddy. spectators were crowded as they watched your group since you were the favourite to win. and you weren’t going to let the pressure get to you, absolutely not.

“approaching the tee, (y/n) (l/n)”

looking out into the fairway, you went through your pre shot routine before addressing the ball. drawing your club back, it wasn’t soon until the piercing sound of your metal club against the ball was heard as you looked where the ball went— twirling your club as you did so.

well done, good shot.

the other 2 players making their way to the fairway as soon as you picked up your tee and walked to your caddy, you gave a smile as you followed your fellow players to the fairway. whispering words of encouragement under your breath, you kept yourself calm as you found your ball in no time.

holding back a laugh upon seeing the small formula one car drawing stamped onto your ball, you looked at your caddy who gave you a thumbs up in encouragement before giving a glance into the crowd.

and you could’ve swore you saw someone you knew there.

gripping your club, you let a deep breath out as you repeated the same routine as before. swinging the golf club, the satisfying sound could be heard once again. squinting your eyes as your gaze watched the direction, you crossed your fingers together as it landed onto the green.

“not bad,” you chuckled, shrugging as you passed your club back to your caddy. “also is it just me or are my friends in the crowd?”

“it’s possible,” he shrugged, laughing as you two approached the green, your eyes glancing around the crowds before returning your focus back to the green as you did a quick analysis.

from where you were it would be a left to right, fast downhill putt. if you were able to find the right line and speed, you’d birdie the hole. and despite not knowing what your score was at the time, it was clear that it would be a putt that would decide your fate as a winner or the first of losers. marking your ball, you took another deep breath before stepping away, watching as your competitor run through her routine before making her putt.

the air grew tense as you wiped the sweat off your head, patiently waiting for your turn.

time seemed to slow down as you set up, your eyes focused on the ball as you concentrated on your putt. the soft sound of the metal hitting the ball could be heard as you watched the small golf ball roll down the green.

“go, go, go,” you mumbled under your breath, watching nervously as the ball slowed down as it approached the hole. “YES!”

smiling as you gave a hug to your caddy, thanking him for his congratulations as you quickly searched the bustling crowd with your, shaking hands with your competitors before you went on the search— confident that you’d find someone you knew in the crowd.

“(y/n)!” the familiar voice of lily could be heard as she squeezed her way to the front of the crowd, “that was amazing! oh my gosh! congratulations!”

“thank you so much, lily,” you smiled as you hugged her before pulling away only to see alex and a familiar blonde stood behind. “mick?”

“hi,” he smiled, giving a shy chuckle as he waved his hand. “lily said you’d be playing so i decided to come. congrats!”

“thanks, mick,” you smiled, a light blush forming on your cheeks as he pulled you into a tight hug, “it means a lot.”

“do you wanna go out to celebrate? dinner’s on me.”

“but you payed last time!” you exclaimed, “let me pay!”

“then take it as a date,” he shrugged. “and let me pay, my love.”

—

“i’m still mad you didn’t let me pay.”

“well…” he chuckled, “that prize money isn’t spending itself and i much rather spend it on a girl like you.”

“and no one else?” you asked playfully, resting your head on your palm as you looked outside the window.

“only a fool wouldn’t choose you,” he paused, “and based off my results in school, i count myself a genius.”

[got7ent]

@YOUNGJAExArs: GOT7's Youngjae, 'All-rounder' in Performances, Dramas, and Musicals

'All-rounder' GOT7's Youngjae is actively working in multiple fields, making for a busy first half of the year.

Youngjae is having a more fulfilling new year than ever. On the 20th of last month, GOT7 released their new album WINTER HEPTAGON as a full group, successfully completing music show promotions and a group concert. GOT7's full-group comeback left a meaningful result, proving once again the undiminished strength of a "3rd gen representative group."

Youngjae continues his individual activities without rest. He will appear in the drama Friendly Rivalry, which will be released on the 10th through U+TV and U+Mobile TV, acting alongside Hyeri, Chung Soobin, and Kang Hyewon. Having steadily knocked on the door of acting even while promoting as GOT7, Youngjae is returning as an actor for the first time in about three years since the web drama Love & Wish, making his comeback even more welcome.

On March 22, he will attend Golden Wave in Bangkok as a performer at Thunder Dome in Bangkok, Thailand. Given Youngjae's significant popularity in Thailand, he is expected to put on a flawless and radiant stage not only as a group member but also as a solo singer. With outstanding vocals and performance skills, Youngjae is preparing a stage that will set Thunder Dome ablaze.

As GOT7's main vocalist and an actor, the multi-talented Youngjae is also putting his skills to use on the musical stage. He has been cast as the lead role, Song Samdong, in the musical Dream High, which opens on April 5 and runs until June 1. He is set to deliver a message of hope and courage. Song Samdong is a charming character previously played by Kim Soohyun in the drama of the same name, and Youngjae had also participated in the OST.

With plans to enlist later this year, Youngjae is in full "hard-working mode" until then.

Not only as a singer but also as an actor and musical performer, he is pulling off three roles in one and presenting fans with activities like a gift. It is a journey only possible because he has continued to take on challenges for over ten years without stopping as an "all-rounder."

Youngjae's mindset and determination are also exceptional. He shared, "I was so happy throughout my time promoting as GOT7, and those moments felt like a truly wonderful dream," adding, "With Friendly Rivalry about to air, Golden Wave in Bangkok, and the musical Dream High ahead, I'm going to have a very busy first half of the year, and I'm so happy about it. I'm glad because it seems like I'll be able to spend good times with the fans. Please continue to watch over me."

[impala124]

Go Yeong & Gyo-ho after Thailand: Freefall

Part 4 recontextualizes Part 3, especially Yeong's behavior after the Thailand trip. Up until the Thailand trip, we see them fight, but those were everyday arguments that couples have once they decide to share a space together.

Even with the laundry issue, once Yeong lets his displeasure known, Gyu-ho comes up with a solution. Yeong is the one to suggest the Thailand trip because he was worried that they might be drifting apart. See, relationships don't just happen; they require intention and effort.

Thailand trip with Gyu-ho made Yeong sure of the following things:

Gyu-ho loves him, flaws and all: Gyu-ho makes the minced meat joke after Yeong mentions a serious concern, the fan really was hanging by a thread. Gyu-ho is willing to take those chances if it means that he gets to experience life with the man he loves (the fan in the dingy hotel room being a metaphor for Kylie).

Gyu-ho is willing to fight for them: In the club, when they are dancing together among a sea of strangers in Thailand, Gyu-ho unequivocally states that they'll always make up after an argument.

He will be the downfall of their relationship: The paper lantern getting torn because of Yeong's apparent 'greed' and hence leading to theirs burning out before long, weighs heavily on his shoulders. He believes that he set their wishes on fire.

So, Yeong begins to act indifferent towards Gyu-ho after returning to their 'normal'. It takes two to tango, so if one person opts out of the argument, who will the other person argue with? No arguments means perfect relationship, right???

When the resentment faded and we forgot why we had argued, we would silently return to our relationship. No questions asked. It was a blur of false goodbyes and reconciliations.

Shanghai: The Tipping point

Yeong knows that Gyu-ho would either pass up on the opportunity or come up with another plan so that they could see this through. But Yeong doesn't think that he's worth it, so he lies to Gyu-ho by saying that he's been passed on by his company.

Yeong tries his best to give Gyo-ho a fresh start. He makes Gyu-ho get rid of their couple's shirt they bought in Thailand and asks Gyu-ho to live his dirtiest life in Shanghai. He wants Gyu-ho to be comfortable, even if it's away from him (on the train). All of this culminates with him not answering Gyu-ho when questioned if they were breaking up at the airport.

So, when Yeong wonders if the end of his relationship with Gyu-ho was an inevitability, I would say that it was rather a self-fulfilling prophecy, as harsh as it might sound.

[daughterofcain-67]

𝙾𝚞𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝙾𝚞𝚛 𝚃𝚒𝚖𝚎 : 𝙴𝚙𝚒𝚕𝚘𝚐𝚞𝚎

(Soldier Boy x Female Reader)

(masterlist)

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: just a conclusion of this story where Y/N finally get their happy ending and Ben gets the life he’s always wanted 🩷

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: Ben being self conscious of future parental abilities, Y/N being reassuring, the smallest amount of angst if you squint, but mostly just pure fluff 🥰

One Year Later

You hadn’t dreamed of returning to the states. You and Ben have had such a blast exploring the world together, seeing places you had only wished you could have seen before. You had no idea how beautiful other countries were.

You and Ben had visited France, Italy, Greece, Scotland, Ireland, Switzerland, Costa Rica, Peru, Thailand, and New Zealand. The two of you had seen so much over the past year and it had been the best experience you’ve shared in your life, and the best part that you were able to share it with Ben with no one chasing either of you. Neither of you had to be on constant guard for Vought or The Boys, neither of you were on any watch lists because both of you were presumed dead in America. So that gave you and Ben the freedom to roam wherever you wished.

It genuinely seemed to help Ben too. He didn’t have as many flare ups and there weren’t any other explosions. The nightmares he had seemed to subside at least a little. You truly thought that this adventure was helping Ben, that retirement looked good on Ben.

For the past couple of days, you and Ben had gone to Canada after hitching a ride on some cargo plane - your main form of transportation at this point. The two of you were staying in some cabin in the mountains. It must’ve been some sort of guest home to someone because there was still furniture in the cabin despite there. Not being any sign of anyone staying in the building for a while.

Ben was asleep and you were currently laying in bed beside him, staring at the ceiling. You knew it I would only be a matter of time before you and Ben would be on the move again. Maybe a different part of Canada, maybe a small area so the two of you could finally have that fresh start. Maybe the two of you could end up having a cabin like this of your own. After all, you still had some money left - before you and Ben left the country you went back to your bunker where you had a safe full of savings. You were glad you never touched it because well, it would now give you and Ben a start for wherever you both decided to permanently retire.

Suddenly, you could feel movement from beside you and when you looked down you saw Ben’s eyes shut tight. You could tell he was grinding his teeth and when you looked down, you noticed he was clutching down on the bedsheets tight, so tight that his knuckles looked white.

Another nightmare.

You moved to where you were laying on your side and you placed your hand on Ben’s chest as you tried to shake him awake.

“Ben? Ben wake up! Come back to me, Babe.” You urged and you shook him a little harder and his eyes finally shot open.

You let out a breath of relief before you lifted a hand and gently caressed his cheek, causing him to look at you and his gaze softened.

“I woke you up, didn’t I?” He said before he looked away from you but you shook your head and kissed his cheek.

“I’ve been up for a while. You didn’t wake me.” You promised sweetly as you wrapped your arms around his torso as best as you could as you laid down again.

“Want to talk about it?”

“It’s just the same stuff… Little less intense than before. Not by much.” He told you and you frowned softly, knowing he was dreaming about his time in Russia then his time with Mallory.

You snuggled closer to him and rested your head on his shoulder, only to feel him move and he kissed the crown of your head.

“Less intense is a good thing… right?” You asked softly and you felt him take a hold of one of your hands before he flipped it upward.

“It is. And they getting fewer and further between.” He reminded you and pressed his lips against your palm, causing you to smile a little.

“Well… why don’t we find something to do to get your mind off of it?” You asked and he shifted his head so he could look at you.

“What do you have in mind?”

“Well I was thinking…” You trailed off, a little hesitant to bring it up because you weren’t sure how he was going to take the suggestion.

“Y/N, you know I’m not good at these guessing games. I’m not a mind reader.” He told you and you bit your lip a little. Then you moved your hands away to sit up while you formulated your thoughts.

“I was just thinking that… well, we’re close enough to the states without crossing the border again. Vought, Homelander, they all think we’re dead so they aren’t a threat and they haven’t been one for the past twelve months. Do you think it would be possible to finally… I don’t know… settle down maybe?”

Ben heard the delicate tone in your voice and he could tell that this must’ve been on your mind for a while. It was comforting to know that you were beginning to think the same thing that he was. The former hero slowly sat up with a little groan before he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into his lap before he rested his chin on your shoulder.

“How long have you been thinking about it?” He asked gently.

“Not long honestly… right before we cane to Canada actually. Middle of the flight on that cargo plane.” He heard you confess and he smiled a little, wondering what got you started on thinking about it on a flight of all places.

“So… where is you’re thinking of settling down?”

“I dont know.. I like this cabin, maybe we can build one a little bit bigger though. Just incase.” He heard you say and Ben lifted a brow.

“Just incase of..?”

“Oh you never know. Maybe we can make some friends here in time and maybe we could have little gatherings and what not.” You said a little too quickly, making Ben a little skeptical. But he decided to shrug it off for now.

“You really think people are going to want to he friends with former American supes turned fugitives?” Ben asked and you smiled.

“No, but I’m sure they’ll want to be friends with Ben and Y/N who are just a couple that moved into the community.” He heard you say and he grinned a little before he looked down at your hand, admiring the band on your finger.

He recalled how happy the two of you were when you both had your simple wedding. Nothing too extravagant but you both ended up getting your rings a little later but it was perfect. You had the little ceremony in New Zealand, bought the rings in France, and had your honeymoon everywhere else. All of this was definitely a unique experience for him but he wouldn’t change it for the world.

“So we won’t be telling them about… well everything.” He said and you nodded.

“The point of a fresh start is to leave everything behind, remember? A clean slate, one where we aren’t heroes and we can just enjoy retirement.” You reminded and he nodded a little.

“Well… I suppose I like the idea of a cabin here. It’s peaceful and quiet.” He said as he thought about it.

“Why don’t we go into town today and see if we can find somebody to talk to about the cabin and everything?” He suggested and he watched as your eyes lit up with the idea.

“Okay! I’ll go get ready.”

Ben felt you start to move away from his touch and he smiled at how happy you seemed to be. Although for the past week or so you had seemed happier than usual. He couldn’t help but wonder why but he was assuming that it was simply because you were thinking of staying here in Canada. It must’ve been something simple.

As he watched you scramble around the room to get dressed, you turned around and looked at him and you smiled beautifully at him.

“Are you gonna get dressed or am I gonna have to drag you out of bed?” You asked him, causing Ben to chuckle to himself before he finally sat up and tossed his legs over the side of the bed before he started to stand up.

“I’m coming, I’m coming. You’re much too energetic for me this morning.”

“I told you, I was already awake before you woke up.” You reminded him before you finished getting dressed.

“Yeah I guess that’s true.” Ben agreed before you spoke again.

“By the way, we should go to the grocery store while we’re going to town. I need to pick up a couple of things.”

You and Ben had been in town for the past couple of hours and you’ve already looked into a couple of people to discuss buying property. Price checking never hurt anyone after all.

But when you and Ben both found a price you could work with the both of you made the arrangements. They gave you an estimate of when the cabin would be done so you and Ben would have some sort of time frame. You just had to hope the owners of the cabin you and Ben had been crashing in wouldn’t be making an appearance anytime soon while your new home was being built. So you two were on the way to the store.

While you were at the store, you and Ben grabbed some groceries. Naturally Ben grabbed a liquor of his choosing, not much to your surprise.but as the two of you roamed around the store you noticed a couple with the woman carrying a stroller. You happened to glance and you saw the most beautiful little girl sleeping with a stuffed blue dog from some cartoon. It warmed your heart and filled you with serotonin, but you tore your gaze away and started to think.

“Do you think you and Homelander would have had a good bond if you were there to raise him?” You asked as you started to step towards the baby clothes.

Ben glanced toward you and realized you were looking at some of those onesies, the tiniest clothes he had ever seen really but he wondered why you were bringing all of this up. Then he started to grow suspicious and wondered if he should wait about asking about his suspicions.

“I’d hope so. I didn’t have any kind of bond with my old man, so I’d hope that I’d do something different and be better for Homelander. But obviously Vought had other plans.” He said.

“What about Ryan?” You asked and you gazed up at him.

“What do you mean?”

“Well if you had the chance, if you chose not to listen to Butcher… would you have stayed with Vought and helped raise Ryan?” You questioned.

“I really don’t know. I don’t think that option would have been open anyway even if I wanted it to be. Vought got rid of me once because they didn’t want me to know about Homelander. I doubt they would have let me stay just because I’m the runt’s grandfather.” Ben said and put his hands in the pockets of the jeans he wore.

“I think it would have gone well. If you had the chance anyway. I’m sure that you could have raised Homelander well and had that father-son sort of bond.” You insisted but you could tell Ben wasn’t really convinced.

“Look at the way things turned out with my team. No wonder they left me to rot with the Ivans without a second thought. If that’s how I am as a leader of a team then what the hell kind of a father would I be?”

Your heart sank at his words and you reached out before you took one of his hands. Ben intertwined your fingers out of habit and you spoke again while giving his hand a soft squeeze, “You’d be the kind of father that learned from the mistakes of his past. The kind of father that would be able to help your child get past similar issues if the time ever came up.”

He didn’t exactly respond but he looked at some of the clothes you were looking at. Then you placed a hand on his arm.

“Ben, the fact that you’re think about all of this now and the fact that you don’t want to end up like your father only proves that you’re stepping in the right direction.” You encouraged. He nodded hut you could tell that he wasn’t fully convinced. There were times when Ben was sort of a hard man to persuade. You figured this would be one of those things that just needed some time for him to adjust to.

“On a different note… what do you think we should have for dinner tonight?” You changed the topic, to which Ben let out a hum.

“Well… what about burgers or something? That seems like it would be pretty simple.” Ben suggested, though you couldn’t help but feel nauseated by the amount of grease that came with eating a burger. Ben must’ve taken notice.

“Why the cringe? I thought you liked burgers.” He said.

“I do, normally. Lately I think the grease from certain things has been messing with me.” You admitted, causing Ben to tilt his head a little. You noticed the concerned expression on his face.

“Is it something you need to go to a doctor for? Maybe we should find one while we’re in town.” You shook your head.

“No, I don’t think it’s bad enough to need a doctor. I think it’s one of those things that will be resolving itself soon.”

“How can you be so sure about that? What if it’s something serious?”

“Ben? Trust me, I’ll be okay. It takes a lot more than a little sickness from grease to kill me.” You promised.

Ben grunted with skepticism and reluctance but he wouldn’t fight you on this. Not unless it would get worse and he needed to drag you to a doctor himself. But he couldn’t help but wonder when things changed. He cleared his throat as he tried to think of some other suggestion.

“Well there’s always spaghetti, something easy. Maybe we could grill some chicken or something.” Ben said.

“That could work. Why don’t you pick up the ingredients for that? I have something I have to look into.” You told Ben before you leaned up and kissed his cheek. Before Ben could say anything, you were already gone.

Ben watched you leave, checking you out before he shifted his attention and went to get the groceries.

He thought about the pieces of the conversation where you started asking him about Homelander. He wasn’t sure how he should feel about his son anymore, even in your little hypothetical world where Vought as out of the equation. Would he be well equipped? He knew you were trying to be encouraging about his parental abilities, but he still felt like he wouldn’t be a good father, even if he wanted to be.

However, what Ben was wondering the most was what brought that conversation on in the first place? Sure he supposed neither of you had talked about Homelander within the past year so he supposed you had the right to be curious about it. But he wondered why you wondered about it now. Maybe he’d ask you about it on the way home.

Or rather the place you would be calling home until your cabin was built.

He couldn’t wait until the both of you had a cabin though. He was ready to finally have a permanent little spot to call home. Ready to have a special place where you both could reside for the rest of your days, a fortress of solitude, a place where you could finally be alone and unbothered by anyone. It most of everything he wanted.

You found yourself at the vitamin section and you picked up what you needed. You definitely had some news to share with Ben, but you weren’t exactly sure how to tell him. You knew that Ben was growing suspicious of you though, and you were glad he didn’t exactly question you further about the problems you had with grease. It wasn’t your fault the smell of it made you queasy now that you were pregnant!

After you grabbed the prenatal vitamins, you walked over to the register and bought them yourself separately and double bagged the bottles before you started looking for Ben again somewhere in the grocery section.

You wished he believed in himself a little more. Sure he had some issues with his leadership, but you hoped that once he would find out about his kid he would start becoming a little more confident in his abilities.

You found Ben looking at different pasta sauces as if he couldn’t decide on which one he wanted to pick. You smiled to yourself before walking over and you slipped your hand into his. He looked down at you and your heart still seemed to flutter at the sight of his smile but then he looked at the shelves once more.

“Can’t decide if we should get normal spaghetti sauce or if we should get Alfredo.” He admitted.

“Well, why don’t we get both? Whatever we decide to use tonight we can use the other one sometime during the week.” You suggested.

“I think that’ll be fine.” Ben agreed and he grabbed both and put them in the basket but then he noticed the bag in your hand.

“You went and bought something already?” He asked.

“I did. But it’s just some personal stuff that I didn’t want you to wait on me for.” You said, hoping he’d buy the excuse. Luckily for you, he didn’t pry.

“If you say so.” He seemed a little short and you could tell he wasn’t sure if he should necessarily trust your behavior. You didn’t blame him for the skepticism but you still wanted to figure out the right way to tell him the news, you wanted to make sure he would take things well which was why you brought up Homelander.

By the time you both got back to the cabin, you decided you’d go and take a shower before you’d get a head start on dinner for you and your husband. Ben stayed in the kitchen to put the other groceries away.

As Ben was putting groceries away, however, he noticed one of the bags were double-bagged. Growing curious, Ben decided to peek inside and when he did he found something he hadn’t expected to find.

“What the hell?” He muttered to himself as he picked up a bottle of vitamins and when the label, he was shocked.

“Prenatal vitamins?” He read the label out loud and he looked at what else was in the bag you bought.

Inside the bag, he found a some pens and some stickers that looked like they belonged in some sort of scrap book. There was a book that was sort of a week by week guide of what to expect when you had a baby on the way. Ben heard the bathroom door upstairs and he knew you were coming. He ran a hand through his hair before he put everything down on the table.

Ben turned around when the footsteps stopped and he found you there, clutching the towel you must’ve been drying your hair with and you were dressed in one of his shirts and some leggings. The look on your face was nearly unreadable. From it looked like, Ben thought it was some sort of fear, but what did you have to be afraid of?

“So… I guess I forgot to bring the bag upstairs with me.” You finally said and he watched you walk over, draping the towel over one of the chairs as you started picking up the items Ben put on the table.

“How long have you known and decided not to tell me?” Ben asked.

“Ben, I didn’t decide not to tell you. I’m not shitty enough of a person to do that to you.” You began, feeling kind of offended that he would phrase it like that.

“I know this is something you’ve always wanted and we’ve talked about it before. I wanted to figure out just how to tell you, wanted it to be, you know, at least special. But I wanted to know if you still even wanted kids after you found out about Homelander and Ryan.” You explained.

“Which was why you were asking about it at the store…” Ben finally realized.

“Yeah… that about sums it up.” You sighed and you sat down in one of the chairs in the dining room and you looked back up at him, “Are you upset with me?”

“Upset?” Ben questioned, unsure why you’d ask a silly question.

“No, Sweetheart. I’m not.” He finally answered and he reached out and moved the chair you were sitting in before he knelt down in front of you, “I’m honestly thrilled. I’m still not quite sure about how my parenting skills will be but I think I’ll have some time to figure it out.”

You smiled when Ben took one of your hands and gave it a comforting squeeze, “I’m kind of disappointed that you didn’t get to tell me in the way you wanted to.”

You laughed a little, “Well, it’s not like you can forget about it now for me to find a way to tell you. So I guess this kind of saves me some brain work.”

Then it was Ben’s turn to let out a little chuckle. Afterwards he stood up and you snickered when you heard the way his knees popped. You looked at him and he pulled you up by the hand before he wrapped your arms around you in a sweet embrace. You smiled as you let your head rest on his chest. You heard the way his heart seemed to beat faster than normal, making you wonder if it was excitement, nerves, or some other emotion he was feeling.

“You still haven’t told me how long you’ve known.” He commented before he planted a kiss on the top of your head, you hummed softly.

“I don’t know… maybe a week and a half now?” You said in more of a questioning tone since you couldn’t remember exactly.

“You mean before we hitched a ride on the cargo plane?!” Ben said and he pulled away from you, looking at you as if you’d gone mad, “Are you crazy? We could have stayed in the last country we were in before we came here. Isn’t that dangerous for you to be flying in the condition you’re in?”

Somehow you knew Ben would get protective the moment he found out you were expecting. Although you couldn’t complain about it too much. It was sweet in its own way.

“It would have been dangerous if I were further along. I know I’m less than a month in, at lest I think so. So it couldn’t have been that bad.” You tried to reassure and you watched Ben’s jaw tighten, displeased with the response.

“We need to find a doctor and they’ll tell us how far along you are. It’s a good thing you suggested we settle here this morning.” He said and you rubbed the back of your neck.

“Well I wasn’t exactly going to suggest we go somewhere else anytime soon.” You admitted with a slight chuckle trying to lighten the mood. Ben exhaled a little before he leaned down and tried to kiss you on the forehead, but you pulled away.

“Nope. I want one on the mouth.” You pointed your finger to your lips.

When Ben leaned down to grant your little request, you ducked down and got out of his grasp. Ben gave you a look of confusion and you had a mischievous look on your face. “Gonna have to catch me first, Soldier Boy.”

Ben watched you turn on your heel and you scurried out of the front door into the cabin. He wasn’t sure where the sudden playfulness came from but he thought it was cute that you thought you could slip away and get away with it. He gave you a few seconds of a head start before he ran after you.

He continued to run until he caught sight of you running through the trees. He smiled to himself and he picked up the pace a bit and he watched as you stopped at a creek. You looked to either side as if you were trying to figure out which way to turn but by the time you stepped foot in one direction, Ben turned you around to face him and he had a smirk on his face.

“Caught you.” He smirked and you giggled before you cupped his cheek just as he leaned down and captured your lips with his.

You smiled against his mouth and you felt one of his hands roam down just to settle at the small of your back as he pulled you closer, as if he didn’t want you to run off again. When you pulled away, his forehead was on top of yours and your thumb caressed the top of his cheek.

“Why don’t we stay here for a while? It’s a pretty day and we’ve never sat here at the creek since we’ve been here.” You suggested softly and Ben smiled and rolled his eyes.

“You’re something else, aren’t you?” He said.

“What?”

“Nothing, Sweetheart. Just quit running off like that. Especially right now. Or there may be consequences.” He said, making one of your brows arch upward.

“What kind of consequences?” You smirked.

“The kind of consequences where I make sure you won’t be able to run anywhere.” Ben said with a smirk, causing your cheeks to turn a deep shade of red. Ben chuckled deeply at your embarrassment but then he held your hand and he walked with you a little closer to the creek.

You were right. It was a beautiful day and Ben sort of wished the two of you had come out here sooner. He sat down in one spot of grass before he pulled you down into his lap. You sat between his legs and Ben had his arms wrapped around your smaller figure. One of his hands were on your lower abdominal area while his chin rested on your shoulder.

His mind started swirling again as he kept you in his arms. He couldn’t believe this was real. What if he wasn’t good enough to be a father? What if all of his worries he talked with you about earlier would come true? He knew he would never lay a hand on his kid like he did his teammates, you would definitely find a way to kill him if he ever did that. But Ben knew his father never his him but he was still an abusive fuck. He didn’t want to turn into a monster like that.

He’d never forgive himself if he did.

You could feel the way Ben was starting to tense up and you placed your hand on the one he had over your stomach. You knew he was worried about what would happen, you knew he had so many doubts in his mind, but you hoped that the further along you would get, the more confident he would be in himself.

“For the record, Ben…”

“Hmm?”

“You won’t turn into your father…”

Ben lifted his chin off your shoulder before he turned and looked at you. You turned your upper body to face him and you saw the look on his face, knowing he had so much self doubt in his mind.

“You’re going to be an amazing father without any of his influence. Our baby won’t end up anything like Homelander because they’ll have two parents who love them dearly. They won’t ever need for anything, and they’ll love you and admire you for everything you are just as I admire you for everything you are.”

Ben’s gaze softened, as did his demeanor, and he lifted a hand to caress your face, “And they’ll love you and admire you for the amazing woman you’ve always been. They’ll be lucky to have you as a mother.”

You hummed softly before you leaned in and placed a soft kiss on his lips once more.

When you pulled away, you leaned against his chest before you looked outward into the sky, admiring the sunset and the way it seemed to bounce off the water from the creek. You and Ben had a new journey ahead of you and while you and Ben may be from an older era, you knew this journey came just at the right time.

Tag List:

@deans-spinster-witch @roseblue373 @nancymcl @jackles010378 @hobby27 @chriszgirl92 @lyarr24 @wirdbeimaufhebengebunden @prettyinplaid94 @globetrotter28 @suckitands33 @capricxnt @k-slla @david-tennant-obsessed-blog @deangirl96 @mimaria420 @ashdoctor @muhahaha303 @angelbabyyy99

[cryingatwindermerepeaks]

Little!Daisy x Cg!Simone - Night

Regressuary day 8

Prompt: Character B first finds out about Character A regressing ( @the-no-name-system )

Simone finds Daisy regressed for the first time. Despite not having the words to understand it yet Simone helps Daisy as best she can.

Thanks to @half-eclipse for always having the bestest baby daisy ideas !!

Word count: 925

——————————

For two people who shared a bed, Simone and Daisy very rarely actually shared their bed. Mainly because Daisy never really slept. It wasn’t unusual for Simone to wake up in the early hours of the morning to the sound of Daisy creeping around the house. But it had been days since Daisy had even napped and Simmons was getting worried about the younger girl. She glanced at the clock on her bedside table, frowning as she saw the time nearing 2 am. Reluctantly, and wishing she could trust Daisy to listen to her body’s needs, Simone pulled herself out of bed. She sleepily stepped into the cold and dimly lit living room, pulling her robe tightly around her shoulders. “Daisy?” She called out with a yawn.

Daisy was sitting cross legged on the floor with a blanket wrapped around her shoulders. As soon as she heard Simone’s voice her head shot up quickly, eyes wide like a deer caught in headlights. She had a notepad open on the floor in front of her, it housed a few lyrics but mainly scribbles and doodles. The lid of the pen she was holding was clasped tightly between her teeth. “Don’t chew on that Daisy, it isn’t good for your teeth,” Simone warned, not meaning to take on such a maternal tone with the younger girl. Daisy frowned but removed the lid from her mouth. Her lips pursed tightly together in annoyance but she stayed otherwise silent. Simone sighed, coming to sit beside Daisy. She really just hoped to coax the girl into at least laying down for a little bit.

Sitting next to Daisy, Simone noticed a worn teddy bear in Daisy’s lap. “Who’s this?” She questioned, having never seen the toy before. She forgot sometimes how young Daisy truly was but now Daisy seemed even younger than that.

Daisy hesitated for a moment, her hand tightening its grip on the bear's soft arm. “Bailey,” she admitted quietly, fear evident in her voice though Simone couldn’t place why.

“Well I think it’s time Bailey heads off to bed.” Daisy’s face scrunched up as if she was about to cry and without warning her fist thumped down on the floor beside her leg.

“Don’t wanna,” she whined petulantly. Simone watched the girl in shock, unused to such behaviour from Daisy - though, truthfully, she hadn’t actually known Daisy for that long at all. Daisy sobered up quickly, the emotion and colour quickly draining from her face. “Sorry.”

“It’s ok, Daisy,” Simone smiled softly, placing a gentle hand on Daisy’s arm. “You’re tired, it’s ok.” Daisy looked down, her cheeks burning red as she hugged Bailey to her chest tightly. “Go wash your face and brush your teeth, ok? I’ll be here when you get out.”

Simone left little room for argument and Daisy reluctantly stood up and went off to the bathroom, dragging Bailey along with her. With Daisy gone Simone quickly glanced at the notebook she’d left open. The lyrics were vague and incomplete but what drew Simone’s attention the most were the messy sketches of what looked to be a mix between a wild animal and the kind of monster a child would imagine under their bed. She decided not to pry any further and closed the notebook.

She got up and went to the kitchen, putting on a vinyl and deciding tea would be the best way to get Daisy off to sleep. She picked out a box of tea she’d received in a gift basket from an artist she used to sing backup for. It said it was from Thailand and she hadn’t the slightest clue how it would taste but it was all they had.

Daisy returned just as the water finished boiling, damp curls were hanging around her face and Simone thought she probably ought to get Daisy’s hair out of the way. “Sit on the floor, I’ll put your hair back.”

Once the tea was made Simone passed it off to Daisy. “Wait till it’s cooled down,” she warned the girl as she began to braid her hair back. Daisy blew dramatically on the cup before beginning to sip on it. Daisy eased into Simone’s gentle touch, her body visibly relaxing by the time the braid was finished. “Bed time now,” Simone cooed. Daisy whined softly in frustration but when Simone patted her back gently she stood up without any further argument. Simone stayed behind for a moment, searching her brain for any explanation of why Daisy had been acting off all evening but she supposed the girl was just tired. She followed the girl off to bed, climbing in next to her. They faced each other, Daisy’s arms crossed tightly under the covers, Simone suddenly remembered the bear from before and gently pulled down the covers. The soft fur of Bailey was showing slightly from between Daisy’s arms and chest and Simone carefully pulled his head out. “He needs some air, no?” She asked gently. Daisy smiled and nodded eagerly, yawning before she could try and hide it. “Come on flower, time to go off to sleep.”

Daisy looked at Simone contemplatively for a moment before shuffling closer. Simone was quick to wrap her arms around the girl, whatever it took to ease her off to sleep. “Good night flower,” she cooed, gently brushing back a few stray curls from by Daisy’s ear. She waited a moment for a reply before noticing the evening out of Daisy’s breaths as she fell quickly into a deep slumber, safe in Simone’s arms.

[gunsatthaphan]

~ Monthly BL Breakdown: January 2024 ~ 

✨ Happy February!!! 🎭

Disclaimer: ALL shows can be streamed here or here, as well as on Youtube and other platforms. For more info on where to watch what, check out this post! 

New breakdowns are coming at the end of every month - feel free to add stuff! -> previous breakdowns

What came out this month? (green = seen/currently watching)

🌟 BL Drama no Shuen ni Narimashita: Crank In Hen - January 2nd (Japan) 

🌟 Ossan's Love Returns - January 5th (Japan) 

🌟 Refund Love - January 7th (Thailand) 

🌟 Time The Series - January 9th (Thailand) 

🌟 Intern in My Heart (BL side couple) - January 10th (Thailand) 

🌟 Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yaro ka (Although I Love You, and You) - January 11th (Japan) 

🌟 Beside You (mini series) - January 11th (Thailand) 

🌟 I Wish You Love - January 21st (Thailand) 

🌟 Happy Ending - January 23rd (South Korea)

🌟 Love for Love's Sake - January 24th (South Korea)

Monthly likes/dislikes

👎🏻 I've been catching up on some KBLs from last year this month and sadly most of them were very disappointing. I put a few on my watchlist that generally had good reviews but yeah let's just say I'm glad I didn't miss anything in the last 2 years lol. The only one I liked was Love Mate, the rest was pretty much pointless. Hopefully the upcoming ones will be better 🤞🏻

New series & movie announcements

🎥 Beating Again (dance-themed, starring Kaownah K., Earth K. and others) - Date TBA (Thailand)

🎥 Unknown - Date TBA (Taiwan)

🎥 The Book Store - Date TBA (South Korea)

🎥 Term Begins - Date TBA (Thailand)

🎥 Mafia Prince and the Bookworm - Date TBA (Thailand)

🎥 Black Forest - Date TBA (Thailand)

🎥 Go Alone With Me - Date TBA (Thailand)

🎥 Can I Love You? - Date TBA (Thailand)

🎥 The Shining Star - Date TBA (Vietnam)

🎥 At My Fingertips (Unintentional Love Story spinoff) - Coming May 2024 (South Korea)

🎥 Connecting To You - Date TBA (Taiwan)

🎥 The Star (movie) - Coming March 2024 (Thailand)

🎥 What's the Nong? - Date TBA (Thailand)

Other news from the BL world

❗️ Actors Mike Chinnarat, Fluke Pusit, White Nawat, Pluem Purim and Lee Thanat have left GMMTV.

❗️ After Korean actor Choo Youngwoo won an award for "Best Rookie Actor" at the recent KBS Drama Awards, he came under fire for not mentioning his participation in the BL You Make Me Dance which launched his career and earned him the award.

❗️ Actors Jin Hoeun (All Of Us are Dead), Kwon Hyuk (The New Employee), Byun Junseo (Perfect Marriage Revenge) and Nam Yoonsu (Extracurricular) have been confirmed to star in the upcoming BL Love In The Big City, which portrays the life and love of an HIV-positive gay writer.

❗️ ZeeNunew and GeminiFourth won an award respectively for "Best Thai Artists" at this year's Seoul Music Awards.

❗️ The Chinese BL Stay with Me is getting an audiobook. The series furthermore recently confirmed its second season, further details are unknown.

❗️ Over a year after its initial premiere, the Thai BL To Sir, With Love won "Popular Foreign Drama” at this years's Vietnam Face Of The Year Awards.

❗️ The Thai BL Playboyy will no longer air on youtube after the suspension of the channel due to explicit sexual content. The show will continue to exclusively air on Gagaoolala, as well as RakutenTV.

❗️ Actors EarthMix had a cameo appearance in Ossan's Love Returns; they will star in the Thai adaption of the same name later this year. Details about the production are still unknown.

❗️ MileApo (KinnPorsche) were announced to star in the upcoming series Shine. The show is an extension/spinoff of Man Suang and focuses on Khem and Chatra's story in more detail.

Upcoming series & movies for February

👉🏻 Anti Reset - February 2nd (Taiwan)

👉🏻 Perfect Proposal - February 2nd (Japan)

👉🏻 City of Stars - February 2nd (Thailand)

👉🏻 Love Syndrome: The Beginning - February 8th (Thailand)

👉🏻 Baka Pwede pa? - February 9th (Philippines)

👉🏻 1000 Years Old - February 14th (Thailand)

👉🏻 My Strawberry Film - February 16th (Japan)

👉🏻 A Secret Love - February 17th (Thailand)

👉🏻 Unknown - February 24th (Taiwan)

👉🏻 Wedding Impossible - February 26th (South Korea)

👉🏻 Kiseki Chapter 1 & Chapter 2 - February TBA (Thailand)

[superbonusround]

hey you lot

i'll say first that i'm okay, still don't totally understand how, but i'm going to be fine in the long term

i was in a pretty horrific car accident on january 4 and had three surgeries over the course of a week to repair as much as possible. i won't be walking or doing much of anything in the next couple of months as i focus on getting the strength and mobility back that i've lost

this is the hardest thing i've ever done, and it's barely even started yet. harder than being ditched by my best friend in thailand when we were nineteen, then finding my own way home across four countries; harder than going to teach english in another country, choosing to leave that program for what i thought were good and valid reasons at the time, and the eventual realization that i wasn't actually so different than the people that i didn't feel should be there, and that i probably never should have been there, either; harder than cutting off the vast majority of my family for treating me like trash my whole life; harder than watching that same family come pretend to cry then lapse into gushing about their beautiful lives at my grandmother's funeral when i was the only one of them that was there for her for the last five years of her life.

the last ten days have taken every bit of pride and shame that i had and put them in a bedpan. it's as fun as it sounds. if nothing else, now i understand what my grandma was feeling in those last few years. i just wish i could go back and use what i know now to do better for her. she deserved so much better.

i think so much about the consequences of the small decisions we make. i worry about the brand of chips i buy and the takeout i get and the ripple effects that our small, personal, everyday choices create. i guess every once in a while, that great roulette wheel has to land on you. i just wanted to get an ice cream.

i don't say this for fun, i don't want your money, or much of anything, really, besides the lower 70% of my body to return to proper working condition at some point. but if you've ever seen a superbonusround post or video that you've loved or that's just given you a giggle, please give it a watch, and don't be sad. i did all of this, even the crappy paint.net edits, because they brought a little happiness into my day at some point, and i think it's wonderful that they could continue to do that for you, too. that said, my laptop is still bricked and its repair is no longer so high up on my list of priorities, so the original trilogy playthrough is indefinitely suspended lol.

today i almost. almost feel somewhat human again. i am finally watching the charli xcx snl episode and i cried during 360. my mom is visiting daily and we are watching season 3 of the traitors (u.s.)

good night, i love you all, and here's hoping i have the dream about the massive 17 x gorillaz collab museum again tonight. that place was awesome

that's all for now

<3 sbr

[pinkkop]

15 Days BL Challenge - Overview

Here's the full overview of ALL the prompts from all 4 parts and links to each part. And for my own sake I've linked my own responses for each prompt so I can find them easily.

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4

Day 1: Fave OG Actor Pairing Day 2: Fave Rookie Actor Pairing Day 3: Side Dish that should've been the main course Day 4: Fave ship dynamic Day 5: Biggest flop Day 6: Fave line from your fave series Day 7: Fave Villain Day 8: The Trope that you hate except for when it's this series Day 9: Most visually pleasing sex scene Day 10: Most emotionally pleasing sex scene Day 11: Breakup that should have stayed broken up Day 12: Wedding you wish you had an invite to Day 13: Give 5 good boys a gold star Day 14: Top 5 most sad boys Day 15: 5 bestest besties

Day 16: What show has taken you by surprise this year? Day 17: What's your most returned-to / comfort BL show? Day 18: What show are you waiting most (im)patiently for? Day 19: If you could turn any Non-BL show into a BL, which would you choose? Day 20: Which series do you wish had more eps than it did or another season? Day 21: If you could ship any two actors in a BL pairing who would it be? Day 22: Day 2 revisited - Fave Rookie Actor Pairing? Day 23: Most disappointing ending to a series? Day 24: What Storyline/trope do you enjoy and wish to see more of? Day 25: Which BL actor do you want to see more of? Day 26: Top 3 Most Stylish Boys? Day 27: Top 15 3 BL Kisses? Day 28: What Love scene gripped you? Day 29: Best Wingman? Day 30: Top 3 shows to introduce people to BL?

Day 31: Favourite Hug(s)? Day 32: Kabedon! Favourite pinned to the wall moment? Day 33: It’s toxic and I know it. Favourite toxic trope? Day 34: What trope/plot point do you fast forward through the most? Day 35: What’s your favourite genre of BL? Day 36: Favourite BL parents/parental figures? Day 37: Heartbreak and tears! Criers that get you every time. Day 38: Let’s go lesbians! What’s your favourite GL? Day 39: Favourite red flag character? Day 40: Favourite green flag character? Day 41: We don’t kill the gays here but… best death/near death scene? Day 42: Which Bromance would you remake as a full blown BL? Day 43: Let’s get delulu, which branded pairing should just get married already? Day 44: Well that escalated quickly. What dramatic scene really stuck with you? Day 45: Favourite BL that isn’t from the big four (Japan/Thailand/Taiwan/S. Korea)

Day 46: BL you want to experience again for the first time Day 47: Favourite confession scene Day 48: If you could switch a BL actor pairing to a different production company, who would you move and to which production company? Day 49: BL that made you cry the most/made you the most emotional Day 50: Favourite female identifying character? Day 51: Top 3 BLs that you'd never want to explain to your parents Day 52: Which BL character would you love to be friends with in real life? Day 53: If you stumbled across a QL actor in rl, who would you prefer it to be? Day 54: If you stumbled across a QL actor in rl, who would you prefer it NOT to be? Day 55: Place you'd love to visit because of a BL/GL? Day 56: Most badass BL character Day 57: Female/non-binary identifying actor you want to see more of in BL or GL Day 58: BL scene that made your imagination go wild Day 59: What's a hill you're willing to die on when it comes to BL? Day 60: Favourite lesser known BL

[my-rose-tinted-glasses]

My memory is terrible so I wanted to do a breakdown of my stuff every once in a while. Might be monthly, might be whenever I feel like it.

BL - Currently Watching

7 Days Before Valentine [11/12] - Unlike some other shows, this one is actually getting better towards the end. I appreciate that Sunshine did some self reflection and became a better human being and I really enjoy the visuals here. Also, 7 days before valentine we will watch the finale, so that's neat.

Cherry Magic Th [7/12]– I like what the thai version is doing with the source material, I think they are being really smart and I'm so happy I got to watch the shopping date and the helicopter ride that were missing from the japanese live action.

Cherry Magic Anime [4/12]– I'm enjoying all the parallels way too much. Part of me wishes that it had stayed closer to the manga but since I get that also from Thailand, I can't complain.

Cooking Crush [9/12]– My expectations weren’t as low as maybe other people because I'm a OffGun fan but I am enjoying this show way more than I thought. It’s so refreshing to see good communication and well rounded characters that are given the space to work stuff out and be honest with each other. I feel for Samsee, cause, been there.

Dead Friend Forever [6/12]– this show continues to surprise me every week. I’m a big horror and slasher fan so for the premise alone I was gonna watch it. But I’m liking the way they chose to structure this story, moving from the slasher bit to the past at that moment was really smart. The visuals are so strong in this and I’m enjoying the communal murdering impulses towards the original friend group.

Ossan's Love Returns [3/12] - It’s chaos but the kind that only Japan can get away with for me. That season opener alone would’ve made me stop watching if it wasn’t for that. But the thing about these characters for me is that they get to be this ridiculous because it’s all grounded in such heart and kindness towards each other. It's a balancing act that only Japan can deliver at this level.

Playboyy [10/14] – I applaud the effort to make something new and out of the bl box, I think the show is trying to talk about interesting things and there are moments where the visuals are very strong. However, the acting is the weakest part of the whole thing and so I cannot connect to the characters, which leaves the whole experience kinda empty for me.

Although I Love You, and You? [3/10]- Japan my beloved. What’s there to say? Sakae is my new favourite boy and I’m really enjoying these two bridging the gap in their personalities.

The Sign [10/12]– Phaya and Tharn are delightful. Yai is the bestest boy ever. But there’s too many loose threads considering we only have 2 episodes left. There’s still to much going on and the investigation part of it just seems too disconnected for me to care. I really hope they're not counting on a special or a second season to wrap this up.

BL - Finished

Last Twilight – No need to repeat myself. here and here

Love for Love's Sake - What a wonderful surprise this was. Yeo Woon is one of the most adorable characters of all time and I seriously cannot handle it. From the beginning there was always a cloud over the whole story and I think in the end it all came together really well, to give us a happy ending that feels earned. Also really appreciated the way the story dealt with the triangle. Most of the time I hate them with a passion so I was really happy that Sang Won didn't just disappear and stayed in the group and kept teasing Yeo Woon. And now I'm just suppose to move on?

Night Dream – I liked the beginning a lot, but, as it’s becoming increasingly frequent, it dipped as it approached the end and although I liked how it finished I wasn’t a fan of the path to get there. Time skip once again not used well.

Sahara Sensei to Toki-kun - I have not seen the finale yet but I didn't want to wait so I might update this post when I watch it. However, Toki is my favourite boy, and I just want him to be happy.

VIP Only – Cute but ultimately forgettable.

Rose Watches OJBL

So this month I started my journey into older jbl stuff in order to have a bigger understanding of the landscape and what came before. With the help of the amazing @twig-tea I've started this journey with 2 films: Ai no Kotodama (2008) - Such a wonderful way to start this adventure. Really enjoyed this film. Without spoiling it, I understand that the beginning of the film might turn some people off of it but I think it's actually really smart and purposeful. I would definitely recommend it.

No Touching At All (2014) - Also really enjoyed this one. The direction is really interesting I thought. I feel it's all very intentional and it reflects very well the characters state of mind.

And because Cherry Magic opened the anime gates I also watched:

Given (2019) - This is SO GOOD. This show rewired my brain. Just now I was listening to THE SONG and I got emotional again. Every once in a while I enter this mindset where I feel like nothing that I watch can surprise me anymore. Then I watched this show. My thoughts after watching can be found here.

Not BL - Watched this month

The Killing Vote Taxi Driver 2 Vigilante Fermat no Ryori

Well, that's it I guess. Now I have to go and make some Love for Love's Sake gifs because I just can't move on and need to live there a little longer. Speaking of gifs, I'm always happy to take gif requests so let me know.

💜💜💜

[lurkingshan]

On Gyu-ho, the Mundanity of Great Love, and the Destructive Nature of Shame

I have been trying to figure out what I want to write about this relationship, the primary focus of LITBC Part 3. Every time I think about Young and Gyu-ho, I just feel so sad. In some ways, this section of the book was much lighter than the previous ones, but it hit me hard all the same. Because this is the first time our narrator has had a relationship that actually feels mostly healthy, with the outcome he wants for it within his reach—until he self-destructs, of course.

It's all the details of their romance that makes it feel so real. The drunken, bloody makeout on the dirty floor of an Itaewon gay club. Young's passport misfire that ruined their first weekend getaway, and the subsequent nagging from Gyu-ho every time they traveled. The Pororo and Crong stickers on their phone cases. Gyu-ho's erectile dysfunction and Young's surprise at feeling contentment even with a less than ideal sex life. Young getting Gyu-ho a ticket to see that horrible production of Grease, and Gyu-ho hanging curtains and making sure Young ate real food. The breakups and makeups. Young crumpling up bits of paper and throwing them on the ground when he got frustrated with his writing, knowing Gyu-ho would come home and clean them up. The way they fought over the proper way to air dry the laundry, and the Pooh shirts from their Thailand trip slowly morphing into pajamas. A hundred little details of a life lived in companionship with another person, and so many mundane things that will never mean the same thing to Young again. Gyu-ho is his great love, and he doesn't need to say that explicitly to make it clear. It's in the way Young tells us his name. It's in every word on the page.

Part of what makes the end of this relationship so devastating is we could see how good it was for Young. Even as he tried to maintain his tone of emotional detachment, his affection for Gyu-ho shone through in the narration. While they were together, Young became more functional. He started living like an adult, got a proper job to pay the bills, and began writing in earnest. He found some things to like about himself and took pleasure in Gyu-ho's company. He began to envision more for himself, to imagine a life outside of Seoul where he could be free of some of his burdens, and even took steps to pursue it by applying for that position in Shanghai.

And then, of course, one of his burdens caught up with him. It was heartbreaking to realize alongside Young that his illness, his "Kylie," would prevent him from moving, and I was not at all surprised that rather than telling Gyu-ho and making a decision together on how to adjust their plans, he chose to keep his silence, encourage Gyu-ho to keep working toward the move to Shanghai, and then blithely force an ending to the relationship when it was too late for Gyu-ho to change course. That's exactly the Young we know, but it was no less frustrating for being expected. His shame, and the way it rears up and poisons all his relationships, is perhaps the most consistent thing about these separate-but-connected stories of his life. I wish he had chosen something different, that he wasn't so consumed by guilt and self-loathing and his abysmal sense of self-worth, that he could have trusted Gyu-ho to be his partner in this. But I understand why he did what he did, and why he didn't want to hold Gyu-ho back.

This section got to me so much because it was particularly painful to watch Young self-destruct after finally finding a relationship that was good for him, and where he had something to offer to his partner in return. Everything we learned about Gyu-ho told us this could have had a very different ending, if only Young would have let it.

[transimailisa]

“I can’t be angry with you…” Princess Alisa spoke before bending down to give a big kiss on Princess Anilaphat's clear cheeks. “However, you should never speak of renouncing your royal status again.”

“...”

“Can you promise me?” Princess Anilaphat only gave Mother a wry smile but didn’t say anything in response. “Hearing that, I almost suffocated to death.”

“...”

“You’re my heart and your father’s heart, don’t you know?”

“Whatever father and mother wish from me, no matter how hard it is, I’m willing to do it.” Princess Anilaphat moved her body away from the embrace to make eye contact with her mother easily. “Having to leave the country to study alone since I was a little kid and barely knew a thing, l did it. When I returned, mother didn’t want me to practice the profession I studied; fearing that I would be in dire straits, I continued my studies to become a teacher like father and mother intended me to be.”

“...”

“Why is the only thing I asked for… mother couldn't give me in return?"

“…”

“So, what is the point of having such a high rank if I cannot grab what I desire?”

“Anil… what you desire is inappropriate for you.”

“How inappropriate is that? Is it so easy to meet the person I love, Mother?”

-

i have been personally loving the work on adaptation the loyal pin has done on the show. the show is extremely loyal (lmao) to its source and all the changes provided do feel in line with the orignal work which is why i cant wait to see the last few episodes.

that being said there is a few changes that sometimes collapse in itself if you havent read the book (prince anan mentioning a past forbidden love or once again prince anan already knowing about anin and pins situation and when he has to confront anin about it in front of their mother and aunt patt) which all could be discussed about how you adapt a book. but i personally want to bring up something that is as trivial as one line in the book but to me !! it is a little nuance that feels too bad to be left out.

anin wanted to find a job in architecture upon returning to thailand but her parents (especially mother) didn’t let her.

the show and books make a beautiful cases to demonstrate how misogyny, class and homophobia are all deeply connected as being the great obstacle for anin and pin, together and both separately, each navigating a cage that is held above them even by their closest relatives.

and so comes the question of independence. financial independence. financial independence is truly one of the biggest shackles to be taken down when mentioning Anything related to self determination. because seeing anin more than willing to drop what gives her the most security in life for pin who knows what that non security implies, means that you must have at least what you must to be self sufficient.

anin wishing for this before the whole mess of pin’s engagement both shows how she already wanted to be independent as early as possible and that her parents, despite specifically sending her abroad for ‘more honorable studies’ and such do see anin getting a job in architecture as a Lesser way to live. because she would not be a comfortable as her current situation and inflict again their wishes on her on which job she should aim for while still remaining tied to them.

this detail is trivial and just one more line in the whole theme of the book of how misogyny ties women down to their position theyre supposed to fulfil, and have other women keep you in check of that. but it also comes with the whole realisation for anin of how despite the looks and support and liberties her class allows her to get, her gender will ultimately always be what societal expectations throws her back into. and that wish of financial independence prior to pin’s engagement shows that she was well aware of that, or at the very least in part, and was once again trying to sneak out of this hold.