#i wish my nieces were more empathetic

[palmtreepalmtree]

Today when we were walking around, I offered to take my mom's purse from her. She had idly complained about the weight after a couple hours, and I could tell it was starting to get to be too much for her. My mom laughed and said she had been about to ask my 14-year-old niece to take it.

My niece made a protesting noise, then looked at me and asked why I couldn't take the purse. I responded that she was young and able-bodied. To which she responded, 'You're able-bodied!'

I wish I could say I took the opportunity to teach her about invisible disability. I wish I could say that I told her I injured my back ten years ago and it will never heal. That it's why I left my own purse in the car and just shoved my ID, my credit card, and a wad of cash in my pants pocket. That my back had already been hurting for the last hour, because that's just what it does. But that I love my mom, her grandmother, and I don't want her back to hurt, so I was willing to take a turn carrying her purse.

Instead, the shock of being called 'able-bodied' by a fourteen-year-old just bowled me over so hard, I missed the moment.

She still carried the purse, but she had to be told by her own mom.

I pretty much always miss these moments with my nieces where they're just kids being kids, but they say something that shocks me so hard I don't respond the way I later wish I had. But probably for the best so I don't wind up as lecturing Auntie palmtree. Still, it's almost 11pm, and I'm thinking about it now.

[idyllic-affections]

So I JUST got this idea after reading your mist recent adoptive dad!Kaveh piece and now it WILL NOT leave my mind. You emphasized on how his child's emotions are his emotions and how he's much more empathetic when it comes to them. So naturally, as a connoisseur of all things angst, I keep thinking how Kaveh will handle it when his child has their first heartbreak! Being so emotional himself will he be able to hold up or will he cry with them? and I wonder what the rest of them will do, there's just so many possibilities

how is [name]'s first heartbreak handled?

summary. how does [name]'s platonic co-parenting family respond to their first breakup?

trigger & content warnings. gaslighting, tough breakups, abusive behavior, lots of tears, & medical malpractice (briefly and pretty non-seriously).

tropes, pairings, fic length, & other notes. hurt/comfort. tighnari & reader, alhtiaham & reader, adoptive dad!kaveh & reader, cyno & reader, collei & reader. 1k words. they/them pronouns for reader. this post is an expansion of what if kaveh adopted a child?

author's thoughts. THIS IS SO TASTY THANK YOU FOR SENDING THIS.... ive never been in this situation before nor do i really understand what heartbreak feels like so i just kind of went with the flow. focused mostly on what [name]'s lil family would do and how they'd all react. anyway keep sending me your adoptive dad!kaveh thoughts guys i love this kind of interaction haha <3

tighnari is furious. alhaitham is level-headed and logical as usual, but not indifferent. kaveh cries with them. cyno is livid. collei is calm, comforting.

kaveh is very sensitive to his kid's mood; i have indeed emphasized this already. he knows when something is wrong. he senses the shift in their mood almost instantly. depending on where they are, he may or may not be the first to know.

do they return to gandharva ville after they break up with their first love (for the sake of angst, let's say it's because the ex-lover in question sought to abuse and take advantage of their selflessness, but [name] was not having it, and they were gaslit upon pointing it out and ended up being called needy)? if so, tighnari will know first.

archons forbid their ex ever show up at gandharva ville for any kind of treatment. tighnari will treat them, yes, but he will make it hell. he will make it worse before making it better. medical malpractice? no, that's not what it is, silly. he's not even a licensed doctor! how can he commit malpractice if he doesn't practice medicine in the first place?

...

tighnari can think all he wants about doing such a thing, but he really wouldn't. he couldn't do something like that. he'd have a guilty conscience forever if he did. however, that does not mean he won't give [name]'s ex attitude. oh archons, he has all the attitude in the world to spare for the asshole who hurt his nibling (a/n: that's the gn term for niece or nephew).

[name] is not needy. sensitive and clingy at times, perhaps, but needy? tighnari scoffs at the idea. they're self-sufficient, if anything. the simple truth is that [name] likes affection because they were spoiled with it when they were little. the fact that their first love gaslit them in such a disgusting way makes the forest watcher's blood boil.

"[name]..." he'd sigh, heart squeezing painfully in his chest as he held them against his chest, unable to do much of anything except listen to the way they sobbed. tighnari's tail instinctively curled around their waist. "it really is not your fault. some people are just... horrible like that. ultimately, you deserve better, so this is for the best. it may not feel that way right now, but one day, it will."

do they return to kaveh and alhaitham's shared home instead? is kaveh home? if not, then alhaitham will know first. it isn't improbable. kaveh is often away on work trips, so it isn't hard to imagine that the akademiya's scribe would know first.

alhaitham hates seeing kaveh cry. he wishes he would stop expending himself to a harmful extent for the sake of others.

he also hates seeing [name] cry. why should they spend time crying over a manipulative asshole who had no capacity to understand them as a person? they shouldn't, and yet... they are.

like tighnari, alhaitham sighs. he's stroking their hair away from their face with one hand, stopping every now and then to gently pat their tears dry, even though his efforts are fruitless; they end up crying more regardless of how many times he dries their face. their head is laid in his lap. it's the least the scribe can do until kaveh gets home.

"[name], they're not worth your time. you were raised to be kind and emotionally articulate. it isn't your fault that they tried to take advantage of that."

he sighs again.

"i'm proud that you refused to let them manipulate you."

alhaitham's blatant, clearly-worded praise is rare. it soothes their soul a little.

if kaveh is home, however...

they will be sobbing in his arms within the hour. he always knows when something is wrong, and when something is wrong? he's there to support and console them. that is what any good father would do. kaveh's heart shatters on their behalf when they manage to choke out between tears that their love had so callously tried to abuse the kindness they offered to all those around them.

kaveh undoubtedly cries with them, holding their figure tightly against his.

"honey, it—" he chokes, aggressively wiping his face with one hand while the other remains secured around their waist. "it's not you, okay? it's not your fault. people, they— they like to try and take advantage of things they don't have. kind people don't take advantage of kindness. good people don't take advantage of goodness. you did well. you handled it well."

cyno will always be the last to know, regardless of what order everyone else finds out in.

cyno is also the most furious.

it's probably in [name]'s ex's best interest to flee the country. the wrath of general mahamatra cyno is an utterly horrifying thing to be the target of. he won't physically hurt them, no (although he would have to put all of his self control into practice in order to not knock all of the kid's teeth out...), but he will make it very clear that he does not want them anywhere near his nibling ever again unless it's to apologize, and even then... he had better not see them lingering too long.

the next time he sees kaveh and his kid, cyno plants a firm hand on [name]'s shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze, saying, "they won't bother you again."

a slight chill runs up their spine at that. "...what did you do to them..?"

"don't worry about it."

anyway congrats to [name]'s manipulative ex! they have made enemies with four of the most influential people in sumeru <3

(and as a little bonus treat:

collei, now in her late teens, is some kind of mix between tighnari, alhaitham, and kaveh. she's not mad. she's just disappointed, really; she loves [name] like a little sibling and just doesn't understand why anyone would knowingly hurt them. she knows very well that such cruel people do exist—she was the victim of one such person, after all—but... it's so hard for her to fathom. collei is very gentle and understanding in this situation, letting them cry on her shoulder for as long as they need to. once their tears have dried, she takes them out on patrol with her.

she makes them fresh pita pockets over a fire and spends the afternoon laughing and joking around with them to help them feel better. she'll even tell one of cyno's awful jokes if it will make them smile. <3)

adoptive dad!kaveh taglist: @kaoyamamegami. send a non-anonymous ask to be added. please consider reblogging, it helps me out quite a lot!

[plussizewritersworld]

The bad boy and the good girl. The typical cliche and Y/N was no exception. Cupid’s arrow hit her directly in the heart the moment Butch entered her life. She tried desperately to remove him from her every thought, her daily life, anything. He was always there.

It was a normal Sunday morning, Y/N was leading the church choir, her Uncle leading the sermon, and her Aunt in the front row watching. It’s routine. She lives her life in routine. Monday through Friday she attends her classes in collage, Saturday and Sunday she is attending church. She loved her life, her family, and her friends. She had everything and never sought for more. That was until Butch entered the picture, sitting in the back row with who she assumed was his Mother. The moment she laid her eyes on him, she was tempted by sins. She has thoughts she never imagined having.

“As we end this sermon this morning I want everyone to welcome Ms. Hayes and her son Butch to the community.” Everyone turned their attention to Ms. Hayes and her son. The judgement was loud although the voices were silent. Ms. Hayes was a single mother who was clearly down on her luck raising her older son. Y/N loves where she lives but the amount of cruel criticism and unwelcoming her neighbors being are something she wishes she will never become.

After the Sermon came to end, Y/N wanted to introduce herself properly to Ms. Hayes and her son. She gently pushed through the crowed of people conversing and found Ms. Hayes getting ready to leave.

“Ms. Hayes…excuse me.” Y/N called out. Ms. Hayes stopped and so did her son. “I wanted to introduce myself .” Y/N approached smiling.

“You are the Preacher’s niece, yes?” She asked.

“Y/N…I know everyone seems a little stand of ish and I wanted to make sure you feel completely welcomed here.” She smiled, looking at Butch. He rolled his eyes and turned away.

“That’s very kind…we still haven’t settled in yet.”

“I am more than happy to help.” Y/N offered. Ms. Hayes looked at her son and then back at Y/N.

“Butch hasn’t seen the town officially yet, he starts school classes tomorrow and will be a grade above you…would you mind showing him around?”

“I don’t need help with anything mom.” Butch spoke.

“Please just go…it will put my mind at ease knowing that you know where to go.” Ms. Hayes gave her son a pleading look. Y/N could tell he would do anything for his mother.

“I would be happy to show you around. This town has a lot of offer.” Before Butch could protest, his mother pushed him out the door and Y/N giggled, quickly catching up to him.

The two walked in silence, more like Butch did, while Y/N did all the talking. She went on about the town itself, the latest gossip, the students in school. She showed him around the whole town, the hangouts, the one good diner, and then the school.

“It really is a nice place to live. It’s quiet, not many outsiders, everyone knows everyone.” She told him. “Where do you and your mother move from?” She asked.

“It doesn’t matter because we won’t be here long either.” She replied.

“If you don’t mind me asking and feel free not to answer but…why did you move here?” He stopped walking which made Y/N stop.

“You really want to know why?” He asked her. She nodded her head looking up at him. He lifted his sweatshirt just bit which revealed a large scar.

“W…what happened?” She asked him.

“I got into a fight with this asshole my mom was dating. He pulled a knife out and got me.” He pulled his sweatshirt back down.

“I’m sorry…I…”

“We came here so she can get away from him.” She looked down. She was very empathetic and always felt strongly towards other people’s emotions.

“Your mother seems really amazing.”

“She makes stupid decisions. Coming here being one of them.”

“It doesn’t have to be…we have always been a quiet town, great people-“

“Who are you trying to convince? All I see is brainwashed idiots.” She was taken back by his insult towards her.

“How would we be brainwashed? Because we are a small community who look towards God for answers? We have something to believe in.”

“It’s fucking bullshit.” She didn’t want to entertain the conversation any longer.

“I’m sorry you feel that way. I’m sure you can find your own way home.” She left him, she felt bad for doing so but his attitude towards her wasn’t something she wanted to deal with any longer.

It had been two weeks. Two weeks of classes where Butch never attended, of church where he never came and of Ms.Hayes and her son living in their new home. Every Sunday for the last two week she would see Ms. Hayes and chat with her, Butch was never there, he never came. She wasn’t sure why, but he was all she thought about. His eyes, his face, his scent. He was intruding her thoughts in ways she never thought of. Impure thoughts that she tried to forget. It wasn’t till now that he returned. He sat in the back row, away from his mom even. Y/N sang lead in the choir, her eyes landing on Butch. He looked tired, he looked on edge.

“I want everyone to take something I say to heart, I want you to ponder on it, I want you to remember it.” Her Uncle spoke. “We live with our choices, those choices end on consequences. You can either make them good or bad.”

The sermon had ended and Y/N had this feeling she had to speak with Butch. She noticed he left without anyone even noticing. She gently rushed past the crowed and outside. She looked around and saw he was heading towards the direction of his house. She quickly ran to catch up to him, when she did she reached for his arm and stopped him.

“B…Butch.” She spoke. He stopped but didn’t turn to face her. “You have been at school.” She looked down, letting go of him. He turned around and finally she was able to see him. His left eye is as bruised and red and he had a cut on his upper lip.

“What happened?” She asked concerned.

“My mom…that asshole found us and she let him stay.” He told her. Y/N shook her head in disbelief.

“I am…I am so sorry I-“

“I gotta go.” He went to turn away but she stopped him.

“You can’t go back to him can you?” She asked.

“Where the hell am I suppose to go?” He snapped. She thought for a moment, then it dawned on her. She took his hand without saying anything and led him to her favorite place. Her town was small that was true, but it had a hidden gem. Just passed the high school, a wooded area which harbors a small lake.

“I come here a lot. In the summer it’s usually packed with kids but for now it’s just alone and empty.” She sat down on the grass surrounding the lake. He hesitantly took a seat beside her.

“Why are you like this?” He asked her. She looked at him confused. “There is no way you are this fucking nice to people who treat you like shit.”

“There is always a reason for someone behavior. I admit I do become a doormat to a lot of people but…I will never treat anyone the way they treat me.”

“You won’t survive a day out in the real world.” He said. She looked down and smiled.

“I know. The real world is cruel, it holds the nastiest kind of people…but it is always beautiful and care for the kindest people.” She looked out at the water. “You don’t deserve what the man is doing to you Butch.” She added.

“Maybe I do. I am a nasty person in the world, just like him.”

“No you aren’t. You are a victim to one.” He stood up in anger. He couldn’t understand why she was always defending him, someone she knew nothing about.

“You don’t fucking get it!” He shouted. She stood up and dusted off her dress. “You live in this fucking diluted fantasy world.”

“What don’t I get? I am trying to understand you Butch but you make this impossible.”

“I don’t want you to understand me that’s why I am saying. You are fucking weird and think you this fucking saint but really you are just as fucked up as me.” He stepped closer to her and leaned down to her level.

“You are just taking your problems out on me because I am trying-“ He roughly shoved her, she landed on the ground hard. She was scared, she felt warm tears tickle her eyes. She refused to move. He ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. His anger got the best of him, something he never likes to happen. He went to approach her, to help her, she quickly scooted away.

“I’m sorry…I never-“

“You should just go.” She whispered wiping her tears away.

“Listen just-“

“I’m not going to say anything to anyone about this.” She assured him. That isn’t what he was going to say, he knew he made a mistake and couldn’t take it back. He thought about what her Uncle said, he made a choice and it had a consequence.

“Let me help you.” He reached down for her again but she flinched.

“Please just go.”

She kept by what she told him. She never said anything. She never brought up to anyone about what happened to him at his home either and it killed her inside.

“Honey please eat something.” Her Aunt said as they sat down for dinner. She looked up and nodded her head. She started to take small bites of her food till the phone rang. Her uncle got up and answered.

“Speaking…how badly?” Y/N looked up and over to her Uncle. “Is the boy alright? Yes I will go over. Of course.” Her Uncle hung up the phone and looked over at his wife and Y/N. Y/N knew what it was about, she knew who he was going to see. She was going with him.

Flashing red and blue lights lit up the Hayes house. Her Uncle parked his car and quickly Y/N got out to find Butch and Ms.Hayes.

“Oh Father, I don’t know how I let this happen again-“Ms. Hayes saw her Uncle and ran to him. She was crying, her hair was a mess, she had a cigarette in her hand and has she passed Y/N, the smell of alcohol radiated off of her.

“Where is your son?”

“Inside…the ambulance are looking at him now.” Y/N rushed inside and just like Ms. Hayes said, Butch was sitting on the stairwell of their house, a EMT tending to a gash in his head. Butch looked up and saw Y/N, soft tears formed in her eyes.

“This should stay wrapped for the night.” The EMT told him before packing their medical bag and walking outside.

“W…what happened?” Y/N asked, half scared to even ask.

“Another fight.” He answered. “I’ll be fine.” He stood up and used the stairwell banister to balance himself.

“My Uncle was called…I came with him when-“

“You didn’t have to. I said I was fine-“

“You aren’t fine Butch! Your mother is drunk, that man is in the back of the police car…they could arrest her too.”

“Good.” Was all he replied. She could stand him, she couldn’t wrap her head around what he was thinking.

“Where would you go?”

“Away from here and away from them.”

“When?”

“Why are you asking me all these fucking questions?” He snapped.

“I-I’m sorry-“

“Butch come outside with us we want to ask you a few questions.” A police officer entered. Butch walked past Y/N but she was quick to follow behind him. His mother was crying to her Uncle but the moment she saw her son she grew angry. Y/N wasn’t expecting that.

“He attacked him first! That boy has anger issues!” Ms.Hayes shouted. Y/N looked up at Butch who was unfazed by her accusations. Nothing seemed to get to him.

“Your Mom is very intoxicated and I can’t believe a word she says until she is completely sober.”

“She’s telling you the truth.” Butch told him.

“Butch-“ Y/N went to say.

“They are both drunk and started fighting, he got close to hitting my mom but I got to him first.” Butch added. Y/N sighed quietly in relief.

“They will both be taken down to the station to sober up and we will go from there in the morning.”

“I have a spare room he can take for the night.” Y/N’s Uncle said approaching.

Returning home Y/N watched as Butch sat outside, her Aunt was setting up the front room, while her Uncle was starting some tea. She snuck out and joined Butch. He was sitting on a bench they had, his head which still had the bandage on it, leaned back looking up at the sky.

“May I join you?” She asked him. He didn’t answer her, she carefully sat down and looked up at the sky as well. “My Uncle always said that the stars are the eyes of your lost one’s looking down at you.” She spoke. “When I lost my parents I-“

“I don’t need your sap story.” He cut her off coldly. She looked down from the sky at her lap.

“I’m sorry…” She whispered.

“I’m leaving.” He told her. She looked at him. “Going to go to my buddies upstate.” Her heart dropped.

“W…when?”

“Tonight.” He replied. He looked at her. “No way I’m staying around here.”

“You can’t.” She told him. “Your mom-“

“I don’t give two fucks about my mom. She doesn’t give a fuck about me either.” He stood up, getting easily frustrated, something Y/N often did to him and he couldn’t understand why.

“She just needs guidance…and so do you.” Y/N stood up with him. “If you just let-“

“Don’t you fucking dare say God…not all of us rely on a religion to get us through the day.”

“It’s not like that Butch. I have had my struggles to and having something to believe in makes me feel like I can keep going.”

“You have bullshit that’s what you have.” She wasn’t sure why she did it, maybe the constant cursing at her, the judgement of believing in God, the negativity…but the moment she raised her hand and slapped him across the cheek, she instantly felt guilt. He turned his head, not saying a word.

“I have always…always wanted to believe that the world isn’t what you said. I convinced myself that…you make it impossible-“ She began to sob.

“Impossible to what Y/N?!” He shouted. She jumped a bit at his outburst.

“It doesn’t matter.” She told him. She went to leave him but he roughly grabbed her wrist, pulling her into him.

“Impossible to what?” He repeated, whispering into her ear. She closed her eyes and tried to pull away from him but he refused to let go of her. “Did someone start catching feelings?” He teased.

“Stop.” She told him. He wrapped his arms around her waist, his face in the crook of her neck.

“Do you think about me? Think about what I could do to you? How I can make you feel?” His warm breath tickled her neck. She gripped his shirt, trying to push away from him.

“Please, it’s not fair what you are doing.” She felt tears form again.

“I think about it to, about how innocent you are, all the ways I can change I that.” He peppered her neck with soft kisses, slowly leading to her lips. “Is that what you want?”

“No, I want you to let me go because this is mean and-how I feel isn’t something to make fun of.” He pulled back and looked at her.

“So you really do feel that way?” He asked in a serious tone. She looked down, embarrassed. He took her chin in his hand and forced her to look at him. “Do you?”

“I have feelings for you…I…I have been thinking about you in ways that I shouldn’t-“ before she could finish answering his question, his lips were pressed against hers. She was taken back, she didn’t know what to do, she had never been kissed before. He pulled her closer to him, deepening the kiss. It wasn’t a rough kiss, it wasn’t a forcefully kiss, it was needy kiss. Like he needed this, to feel her.

“Don’t leave.” She said pulling away from him, as much as her body and heart were telling her not too, her head said otherwise. She looked up at him. Looking at his bruise on his eye, the cut on his lip. As much as he is mean to her, she knows he has been though a lot, deals with a lot. He leaned in and kissed her again, gently.

“Okay.” He sighed and leaned his forehead against hers. She closed her eyes, taking in the soft moment. She knew this wouldn’t last.

“We should go inside.” She told him.

The night was long. Tossing and turning. She couldn’t sleep, thinking about him, his lips against hers, his hands holding her. It was wrong and it feels wrong now but it also felt right. She had to see him again. She quietly got up from her bed and carefully open her door.

She quickly made her way out to the hallway and down to the first floor and towards the guest room where he was sleeping. She gently knocked on the door and waited impatiently for him to answer, hoping he was awake. She heard the light turn on and the door opened.

“I can’t sleep.” She told him. He moved aside and let her in. “Did I wake you?” She asked.

“Not really…” He looked at her, she didn’t realize till now that she was just wearing a t-shirt and her underwear, she sat down on the bed and placed a pillow on her lap. “Did you want to sleep here?” He asked her. She knew she should say no, everything in her body was screaming no, but she nodded her head yes. She climbed under the covers and he turned the light back off and joined her.

She laid on her side, away from him. He climbed in beside her. She tensed up, nervous. He turned to face her, carefully wrapping his arm around her. He moved himself closer, his body head radiating. She closed her eyes and relaxed into his touch.

“Why are you really here?” He asked her.

“I…I was afraid you would leave.” She admitted.

“I’m no good for you.”

“Don’t do that.” She leaned up. “Don’t kiss me like that and lead me on and then say something like that.”

“What do you want me to say? Do you actually think we would be something?” She couldn’t believe him. She couldn’t believe what he was saying to her, as if the moment they shared earlier meant nothing.

“I guess I wasn’t thinking.” She climbed out of the bed and angrily left the room, returning to her own. She felt stupid, she felt vulnerable, she felt like was a teenage girl getting dumped. She is an adult, she is about to graduate college soon, start her life.

The next morning she was up early. Not early enough. In the kitchen she was greeted by her Aunt and Uncle, as well as Butch.

“Good morning sweetie.” Her Aunt said.

“I am going for a walk.” Y/N said, she went straight to the front door and left without saying another word. She made it down the drive way when she heard the front door open again.

“Wait up.” She heard. She ignored him and kept walking. “Will you stop.” He grabbed her hand and stopped her from walking.

“I am tired of you grabbing me like that.” She said pulling her hand away from.

“We are going up to the station.” He told her. She looked at him. “I want you there.”

“I don’t need to be there Butch.”

“I know but I want you there.” He repeated.

“You made it clear last night where we stand. I am not going to continue this with you anymore.”

“I didn’t mean it like that alright. You got a good life, nothing like mine. Once my mom is out we will be leaving again.”

“Okay Butch.” She turned away again but once again he stopped her. “Don’t.” She warned him.

“Fucking listen to me!” He shouted loudly.

“I am not like your mother…I will not let you treat me the way the men in her life treat her.” She knew saying that was low, but she refused to apologize for it.

“Fuck you.” He spat. “What the fuck do you know?”

“I know that you are turning into that man last night who hurt you.” She gently placed her hand on his cheek. “You don’t have to.”

“Come with me, please.” She looked into his eyes, why couldn’t she say no to him. He took her hand that was on his cheek and held it. “Please.” She nodded her head.

At the station Butch never let go of Y/N’s hand and her Uncle took notice. They went to a small room where his Mother and the man she was dating were already sitting down waiting.

“Y/N wait outside.” Her uncle ordered. She went to release Butch’a hand but he held tighter.

“I want her here.” He told him. Her Uncle wanted to protest but he had no true say. Y/N sat beside Butch in the chair across from his mother. Her Uncle did the same.

“What is this?” His mother asked, referring to Y/N and Butch holding hands. “Trying to knock up the priests niece?” Y/N looked down. She couldn’t believe the change she was seeing in Ms. Hayes.

“What do you want mom?” He asked ignoring her.

“They are releasing us today and because you are eighteen I’m kicking you out.” She told him.

“Kicking him out for defending himself?” Y/N asked.

“Y/N.” Her Uncle spoke. “What ground do you have for kicking him out?” Her Uncle asked.

“Assault.” The man she was dating said. “That boy could have killed me.”

“I planned on leaving anyways so you wont have the satisfaction of saying you got rid of me mom.” Butch told her. Y/N’s heart dropped, the thought of him leaving pained her.

“You know your Daddy don’t want you.” Butch just shrugged. “And you won’t stay here and fool around with that girl either or is that what you want? To fuck up her life too.”

“Enough.” Her Uncle said. “I trust my niece enough to make right decisions, she is an adult and I won’t allow you to speak about her like that.” Y/N looked at her Uncle with thankful eyes. “As for Butch. He is welcome to stay with us until we figure out a plan for him.”

“Are we done?” Butch asked.

“Don’t have anything else to say boy?” The man asked.

“Let’s go.” Butch said getting up, Y/N quickly followed him out of the room. He continued walking out of the station.

“Are you going to leave?” She asked catching up with him. “You can stay-“

“I’m leaving.” He told her. She walked in front of him and stopped him from walking anymore. “Don’t do this.”

“No you don’t do this…you are not leaving.”

“My mom is right. I’ll fuck up your life right along with mine…you are just something that passed my time.”

“So I was going to be hook up and that’s it? That’s what this was?” He shrugged. “You are disgusting.”

“Yet you wanted it to…but little miss church girl was afraid to sin…but if you want to before I leave I’ll be happy to-“

“Fuck you.” She spat, catching herself and maybe even him off guard. Her anger got the best of her. “Fuck you!” She pushed him hard on the chest, over and over again. Shouting the same thing.

“Y/N!” She heard her Uncle shout. Through her tears she saw him running over with Butch’s mother not far behind. She shook her head and turned away, leaving them.

Y/N went home. She went to her room and slammed her door. Her Aunt quickly followed behind, worried about her nieces’s sudden change.

“Honey what happened?” She entered the room, Y/N sitting on her bed with her head in her hands.

“I’m so stupid.” Y/N cried. Her Aunt quickly kneeled in front of her, lifting her head to look at her.

“You have to tell me what happened.” Her Aunt pushed.

“I fell for him like an idiot.” Her Aunt’s face softened. “He is so cruel and mean.”

“Oh honey, falling in love is one of the hardest things a person can do.”

“Why did God let me?”

“God does unexpected things but he has his reasons. People enter our lives for a reason and they leave for a reason to.”

“I don’t want him to leave.” Y/N cried. Her Aunt engulfed her niece in her arms, comforting the sobbing girl.

Later that night Y/N knew how to make herself feel better. She went to the church. She quietly sat in the front row, remaining silent. She closed her eyes and began to speak to God. There was so much she wanted to know, the answers to all her questions. Why didn’t she have her parents? Why was her life chosen to be like this? Why couldn’t it be different?

“Anyone answering you?” She jumped at the sudden voice, she turned and saw Butch, the last person she thought she would.

“I thought you left.” She spoke. She turned back around. He sat beside her and sighed.

“I did, got about three hours out.”

“Why did you come back?” She asked him.

“I almost didn’t, before I did though my mom said something to me. She said this is the same thing my Dad did, left. I don’t get a fuck about my mom or anyone…anyone but you.” She turned and looked at him. “You are a pain in the ass, you don’t know when to shut up, but today at the station having you beside me made me feel…made me feel like I wasn’t alone.”

“You aren’t alone.”

“I know, I know. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the way I treated you, for pushing you away.” She never heard him actually apologize before.

“I’m sorry too.” He took her hand and stood her up.

“Don’t say sorry. You didn’t do anything.” He pulled her in to him, wrapped his around around her. She laid her head on his chest, closing her eyes. He kissed the top of her head, holding her tighter.

[black-queen-rising]

Rhaenyra nodded attentively as Helaena expounded on her own children and how the journey here had gone. Rhaenyra was reminded that with their time away, it was on occasion all to easy to forget the qualities in her nephews and niece she genuinely admired, and was even more proud of Helaena for nurturing. It was never a question of disliking her sister's children, far from it, she knew them to be sweet, to take after the girl she loved so much in so many of the best ways, and she loved them because they were her blood and--in Rhaenyra's view at least--some of the very best of it.

But when her mind was so focused on her own children, not seeing the twins' and Maelor's sweet faces regularly, she had an unfortunate way of wishing she need not prioritize them, or more so anyone, as much as her own children. What was that saying? Royal sons will always belong to their mothers, but Princess' belong to the Realm? As truthful as such a statement may be, the frustration it had caused from time to time in relation to their own family melted away with ease as a smile grew on her face in response to Helaena's delight at discussing her children.

"If nothing else, I'm glad Jaehaerys and Visenya will have a friend to talk to about their books. She's been more than eager for someone to share in the newest astronomy text that came with the Dornish envoy." She let out a soft laugh, her attention not slipping an inch as Helaena moved onto Jaehaera and then Maelor. "I believe it to both our credits that the children would rather remain by our sides than hide during hard times, but you know I understand the concern just as well. Perhaps she'll be able to confide in Visenya, or Rhaena,"

Rhaenyra smiled even more at the latter observation. "It's lovely to see Jaehaera's taken to her as much as she once took to you." In her mind she added, and as I will always be glad you took to me, but even with the sister she loved so much it did not feel right to say such aloud, half stating the obvious, half overtly lacking in humility.

"I believe everyone involved will be glad for that," She added instead, agreeing with the observation about their youngest sons. "Baelon has been asking about all of you since he learned you'd be returning from Dragonstone and even Vis said he was excited to see the twins. It feels a blessing, especially in times like these, that they get along just as well as we do...I like to think it's a testament to how well you have taken to motherhood, my love. It takes a particularly admirable kind of lady to help mend the bonds they all so clearly benefit from now," Rhaenyra planted a peck on Helaena's cheek at that, "And you know I am eternally grateful we could do so together."

As the topic turned to her older sons, there was a short, but sharp twisting feeling in the Crown Princess' stomach. It was hard to say for certain, but she believed Joffrey to be handling things the best, then again, it may simply be that he'd always taken comfort in stoicism far more than his older brothers. Luke's moods had been tempestuous as a storming sea as of late, wrapped up in and catalyzed by so many conflicting emotions and fears even Rhaenyra herself could not say what weighted heaviest; the boy she once felt she knew better than the back of her hand seemingly drifting further and further away despite not moving an inch.

Though Jace was as gracious, empathetic, and courteous as ever, Rhaenyra feared his grandsire's death was hitting him the hardest. Viserys' called for his eldest grandchild more even than he did for Rhaenyra, and the Prince always felt obligated to attend him, even as each visit clearly drained him further. With Helaena as well, the last thing she wanted was to reopen any wounds that their father rather obviously favored her sons, and especially Jace, over his relationship with her half siblings; something even Rhaenyra herself had all but fully lost her patience with him for.

"I believe they are taking it as well as anyone could hope. You know Luke, he's always been a bit of a sponge, soaking up the atmosphere and what everyone else is feeling in addition to itself, and the toll that takes has never been easy. I do my best for him, we all do, especially Jace. He's, gone above and beyond, really, Gods sometimes I don't know what I'd do without him. I don't wish to speak for either as if I know everything in their minds, they're men grown as much as the rest of us, but they continue to give me every reason to be proud. Joffrey too, he's been indispensable in helping with his younger siblings in all this chaos, even more so with Daemon. I marvel at my luck with the men they've become every day I really do." Rhaenyra's smile had grown even wider as she spoke, practically glowing with pride as she expounded on how grateful she was for her eldest children, but it waned--if only slightly--as she enquired further of her sister,

"How have you been doing, love? With the both of us so wrapped up in worrying about everyone else, I do hope you've been able to find support with Aegon, and Aemond, and your mother, of course. If there's anything you wish to discuss, or just to listen...in truth that's largely why I hoped you'd come this evening. I felt it important for you to hear me say that I am here for anything and everything you may need right now, and I really do mean that. You've been working so hard to care for everyone on Dragonstone," Rhaenyra's smile returned then as her words once again gained a proud tone, "and from all reports have been doing a splendid job of it. I wish to ensure that I'm here to care for you."

House of Memories

(Closed starter for @helaenasdreamfyres)

The hours that sat between dusk and true night hung long in the transition from spring to summer where the seasons had been sitting for nigh on half a year. Helaena, Aegon, the rest of Rhaenyra's younger half siblings, and their whole household arrived back at the Red Keep the day before; returned to King's Landing for the first time since they were officially named Prince and Princess of Dragonstone by the Princess-Hand's own decree. The latest, and largest, show of good faith in the long string of promises, compromises, and peace offerings she'd orchestrated in the hopes her efforts would sate those who wished to go against her father's will and seat Aegon on the throne no matter the cost to The Realm.

It was no secret Rhaenyra missed Helaena most when their family split apart once more after all sharing a roof for nearly a decade since their father made her hand, not to either of them, the rest of their house, or anyone in the court not too distracted by spreading rumors about how they must loathe each other behind the scenes; because of course, isn't that what all women do? Rhaenyra let out a quiet laugh at the thought, contemplating how much she truly had missed her sister in their time away, and now they're here, and all she had to do was wait for Helaena to see her own children off to bed before they'd have a chance to speak freely with one another—as the pair had agreed earlier that day—her patience for waiting has seemed to vanish into thin air.

If the new Targaryens of Dragonstone had only returned to the Red Keep for some celebration or event, to celebrate Queen Alicent's name day, Jacaerys' wedding, perhaps even another babe she's all too aware her siblings were unlikely to have—but hoped they may have decided to pursue after all, as the comfort of their family island had inspired in her what now felt like half a life time ago—the only thing testing her patience would be the giddy nerves that catalyzed her whenever events and visitors descended upon King's Landing. However, the circumstances of their father's rapidly deteriorating health, what it meant for the realm, and the swarms of nobles all crowding into the capital expected to mourn the fall of a King and celebrate the rise of a Queen in equal parts have created countless more complicated emotions to eat at the Rhaenyra's resolve.

Persistent, pounding, perpetual worry for their father, their family, Helaena as much, and perhaps more than all the rest, was the fruit of the tree grown by all those inarticulable, awful feelings; Rhaenyra would never hesitate sing her sister's praises, but she was never good with handling stress, even less so at negative emotions, and though she'd never admit such to her, the older Princess had lost sleep in the past few days caught up in the anxiety of knowing grief was not a pain her sister could be protected from any longer, no matter how hard she wished it.

A knock on the door finally roused the Rhaenyra from her worrying. "Sweet sister!" Rhaenyra stands as soon as the guard stationed outside her chambers announces the younger Princess' arrival. She wrapped her arms around her sister gently before she'd barely crossed the threshold, before lead her back towards the sitting area with a gentle smile she hoped would at least conceal her nerves to ensure Helaena wasn't sent scurrying away by her own anxieties. "How are you faring, my love, and the children? I wish you were all returning under happier circumstances but I...I am happy to see you."

[wanyinchen]

Presenting the First Hero of Yunmeng and the Pearl of GusuLan!

It's about time I drew the almighty galaxy brain idea of Xicheng! Sect Swap AU. Ahhh I’m so late to the sect swap train 😭🚂🚂! In my version of the AU, it's a whole generation sect swap between the Jiang and the Lans. There is Jiang Xichen and Jiang Wangji, while there is also Lan Wanyin and Lan Yanli. I’m not sure where should I put Wei Wuxian though🤔🤔 (I suppose you could convince me in the comments hohoho👀👀) OH GOD, THIS IS SO SELF-INDULGENT HAHAHA. If there are any cultural inaccuracies, please let me know! This is just a half-baked AU HAHAHA

Anyway, in my version, I had Qingheng-Jun and the Rat-shit—I mean Jiang Fengmian, exchange wives.

Qingheng-Jun fell in love with Yu Ziyuan when she saved his ass in a nighthunt. And Yu Ziyuan also fell in love much more gradually as she can't resist the persistent and patient wooing of Lan-zongzhu. There was no incident or scandal. Just one big happy family of a girlboss and her simp of a husband, and two very beautiful precious children. Also, there is the doting LQR who spoils his niece and nephew, though he denies it vehemently every time someone calls him out on it.

The Lan family has decided to have both of the Lan siblings crowned as the Sect Heirs. The Lan Sect has decided to have a dual-ruling governing system in place for this generation, as it is for the best. The soft yet firm, kind, empathetic, and diplomatic Lan Yanli and the logical, strategic, shrewd, sharp Lan Wanyin together are virtually unstoppable. And the siblings are very much content and happy with this arrangement. They are known as the Magnolia of GusuLan, and the Pearl of GusuLan respectively.

(Note: Furen means Lady or Madame, or something along those lines. So, Lady/Madame Jiang. Its not a name)

Meanwhile, the not-so-happy Jiang Family, Jiang Furen was forced into a political marriage with JFM (sorry, Ma'am). Jiang Furen was a daughter of an influential minor sect who wanted to be a rogue cultivator in her own right and to get away from her oppressive father. But alas, (I'm so sorry again, ma'am) she was strongarmed into this marriage. She bore two beautiful boys with her family's brown golden eyes, opposed to the greys and blues of the Jiang lineage. These beautiful boys are the loves and lights of her empty life—even though their father doesn't seem to pay special attention to his own children. She cares not. As long as they will never doubt her love, then she is content.

There was no love in the Jiang marriage, as JFM was pathetically pining around for Cangse Sanren. JFM liked his wife well enough, she was fairly softer and actually knows how to hold her tongue more than *that* Yu Ziyuan, who was his first would-be-betrothed. Yes, definitely Jiang Furen was the better prospect.

Oh, how we desperately wished for his beloved Sanren to be his wife!

Well, he supposed he likes his sons well enough also. They were bright young men who excelled in the Jiang forms and cultivation style at a very early age. Yes, very worthy as the heirs of the Jiang Lotus Throne. Though he definitely likes amiable A-Huan more than the distant A-Zhan.  

But— he has heard that Cangse Sanren had a son with Wei-xiong. He wonders what his name is. How old he is. How he laughs (though he is sure that it would be a mirror of Sanren's tinkling bell laughter). How he talks—would he be like Sanren's bubbly chatter or have Changze's thoughtful diction? What he looks like.—does he have Sanren's dark midnight eyes or Changze's grey? Or what are his hobbies? What is his favorite food?

He already loves Sanren's child who is surely as bright and beautiful as her.

.

.

Soooo, I have some half-baked doodles of this AU in the abyss that are my WIPs. I shall finish it soon enough during my Xmas break. I think.

[avengerscompound]

The Tower: Happily Ever After - 27

The Tower: Happily Ever After An Avengers Fanfic

Series Masterlist | Character Reference PREVIOUS //

Pairing:  Avengers x OFC, Bruce Banner x Bucky Barnes x Clint Barton x Wanda Maximoff x Steve Rogers x Natasha Romanoff x Tony Stark x Thor x Sam Wilson x OFC (Elly Cooper)

Word Count: 2478

Warnings:  sex talk

Synopsis: Almost 40 years after Elise Cooper first crashed into Natasha Romanoff outside the library at Columbia University, she and the Avengers are adapting to a near-immortal life together with their large brood of children.  Yet things aren’t perfect.  Life is moving on without them and they’re starting to discover who isolating being immortal can be.When Angela comes and asks Thor to take the throne of Asgard once more, the group leaves Earth in the hopes that they will find their Happily Ever After there.

Chapter 27: Right for you

A couple of days after Clint and my marathon sex session I still felt like I was recovering, so I hadn’t called in any prizes.  Things had just been lowkey.  I’d had a day of attending council with Thor, and then a morning of lessons on Asgardian politics.

I didn’t predict that there would be much notable happening at all that day, so Wanda and I took Zak and the twins out to the garden with the Vulparv.  We spread out a blanket and put the babies on their tummy, watching as they’d flip themselves back over with a giggle while Zak ran around with the two little fox-like animals.

While we lay soaking up the sun with the kids, Pietro came out with a basket.  He smiled when he saw us and as he made his way toward us, Zak came flying out of the shrubbery and slammed into his legs.  “Uncle Piet!”

“Hey, Zakky,” Pietro said, picking the little boy up and flipping him over.  Zak squealed happily and wriggled in his uncle’s arms.  The vulparev dashed out from the undergrowth and began dancing around Pietro’s feet.  “Wow, look how popular I am.”

“Come play,” Zak said when Pietro put him back on the ground.  Pietro let himself get dragged off at the whim of the three-year-old.

Wanda hummed happily and rolled onto her back.  “He’s good with the little ones.”

“Well, he’s always been empathetic,” I said.

“That’s true,” Wanda said.  “Which is funny because my brother was a real little -” she stopped and covered her mouth and I broke down into giggles.

“Your daj was gonna say a bad word about your uncle,” I said to Thour, tickling her tummy.  She started giggling with that infectious baby laugh and I completely melted.

“I can’t get enough of it either,” Wanda hummed.

After a little while, Pietro joined us, putting his basket on the grass beside the blanket and sitting down.  “Greetings, mothers,” he said, playfully.

“Good day to you, son,” I replied.  “What are you up to?”

“Auntie Loki decided it is very terrible that all my siblings have powers and I don't, so they’re going to teach me magic,” Pietro explained.  “She sent me to pick ingredients for some potion.”

“Did you get a say in this?” Wanda asked.

He shrugged.  “I don’t mind.  Might be cool to open those portals,” he said.

“And you’ve decided to keep her waiting?” I said, poking his side.  “You must have a death wish.”

Pietro chuckled and picked up Nova.  “It’s me, mom,” he said.  “I’m one of the favorites.”

I laughed and sat up. “Won’t be the favorite for long with that attitude.”

He chuckled and bounced Riley in front of him.  “You know it’s really weird having a brother and sister that are younger than all my nieces and nephews.”

“That won’t be true forever,” Wanda said.  “There will be more nieces and nephews in time.”

“And if it helps.  They were accidents,” I added.

Wanda gasped and covered Thour’s ears.  “Elly!  You can’t say that!”

Pietro almost fell back laughing.  “Oh my god!  I can’t believe you just said that to me.  I am so gonna tell them you said that when they’re older.”

“I wouldn’t get too egotistical, kid,” I teased.  “You were an accident too.”

“Elly!”  Wanda squealed, this time jumping up and covering my mouth.  “Pietro, we all love you very much and you were very much wanted.”

Pietro was clutching his side in hysterics and had to put Thour back down.  “Oh my god!”  When he finally got himself under control he wiped his eyes with the back of his hand.  “How come you never told me or Riley that before?”

“Because that’s a terrible thing to tell your kids,” Wanda said.  “No one should think that about themselves.”

“He's thirty-five, beautiful,” I said. “I think he can tell the difference between unplanned and unwanted by now.”

“I think I can handle it, Daj,” Pietro assured her.

She sighed and nodded.  “I suppose you’re right.”

Zak came running over and began tugging on Wanda’s hand.  “Daj, daj, fly me!”

She got up and stretched.  “Okay little one, come on.”

We watched as she took Zak over to another clearing and enveloped the little boy in the pink of her telekinetic energy and began flying him around the open space.

“Man, I loved doing that when I was a kid,” Pietro said, wistfully.  He looked back over to me and shook his head in disbelief.  “Were we all unplanned?”

“No,” I said.  “You and Ri, Sarah, Rosie, and Becca, and these two,” I explained.  “Everyone else we had a lot of discussion about.”

“Not Eddie?”  Pietro asked.

“No,” I answered.  “Actually - funny story.  Eddie nearly didn’t happen.  We were starting to think about having more kids and I’d just gotten it in my head that I’d have another and your dad Thor showed up and told us Daj and Ma were pregnant with the girls.  That was a really happy surprise.  Ma wasn’t even supposed to be able to have kids.  Then I kinda got a little jealous about it because I’d just made the plans.  But everyone said there were plenty of us to love lots of kids - and so then there was Eddie.”

“Hey, can I ask you a question?” Pietro said.  “When you guys decided to have kids, what was the decision-making process like?  How did you decide you all wanted one and who would be the biological parents?”

“You sure you want to hear all this?” I asked, playing with Nova’s hand.

“Yeah, I’m interested,” he said.  “You guys always just seemed really excited when you were adding to the family, but you never spoke about who was who’s biological dad unless we asked.”

“With you and Riley we weren’t even going to find out, but Thor just knows that stuff,” I said.  “Back then he was here more than at home with us and he showed up and just was like ‘oh one of those is Clint’s and one is mine’.  It was pretty funny.”

“Sounds like dad,” Pietro chuckled.

“After that, when we planned there’d be one or more of us who’d be thinking about it.  Usually, they approached who they wanted to have the baby with,” I explained.  “Then if that person agreed, and they always did, then they’d bring it to the others.  Sometimes there would be a little talk about timing and whatever, but usually, everyone was on board.  We all love being parents and we also like making each other happy.”

“You think that’s how it normally happens in polyamorous relationships?” Pietro asked, picking up Thour again and playing with her feet.

“I couldn’t say, honey,” I said.  “I don’t know many with anywhere near as many people involved as we have.  And apart from Eddie, the few I do know, I never knew them well.  I knew one woman who had a husband and a boyfriend, but the boyfriend didn’t live with them and she had a daughter with her husband and the boyfriend had kids with a previous marriage.  And I knew a woman with a girlfriend and boyfriend.  They lived together but they weren’t all romantically involved together.  And there were no kids.  I figure some must be like us.  Especially if there are multiple people that can get pregnant because there’s no way you can get around not knowing who’s going to carry the baby.  But if it’s one womb and two or more - uh - fertilizers -” Pietro snorted “- then you maybe don’t need to know right?  Just shake it all up like what happened with you and Riley and these two.”

“Well I don’t know if I needed to think of myself being created by a semen shake, but I guess that makes sense,” Pietro said, pulling a face as I started laughing.

Pietro played with Thour and seemed to be seriously thinking about what I said.  I wondered what was up and if he was going to offer up what was on his mind.  As far as I knew he wasn’t even seeing one person let alone multiple that he was thinking about having kids with.

He looked up at me again with his brow furrowed.  “Mom, how did you guys end up together?  I mean, you said yourself it’s not exactly normal.  Even for here.”

“We’ve told you stories about how we met,” I said.

“No, I know,” he said.  “But how did you go from meeting Ma to - well you know?”

“I’m really not sure that’s a story you want to know about your parents, Piet,” I said.

“No, I mean… PG13 it for me.  I can handle hearing if you were all friends with benefits, but even that’s not exactly the norm,” Pietro said.

“Well it was different with me,” I said.  “They were already a committed group when I met them, but from my understanding, the group started with other smaller groups that crossed over.  Your ma and Clint were in a kind of friends-with-benefits open relationship that they pulled Wanda and Sam into.  Um, I think Sam was with Bucky and Steve as well.  Tony and Bruce were together, but Bruce was sometimes with Nat and Clint too.  Then Thor came along and went ‘you know you’re all in love with each other right?’ That’s what made it more officially a romantic relationship and not a bunch of friends ignoring their feelings.”

Pietro laughed a little.  “I like that.  And you?  I mean I know you crashed into Ma and she was like ‘I like this clumsy oblivious nerd.’  But then what?”

“Well, your Ma and I dated for quite a while but she told me she was in an open relationship with other people.  I didn’t know those other people were your parents.  I figured she must have someone in every port or something,” I explained.  “But then she introduced me to Clint.  And Clint took me to sign an NDA and told me the deal.  Then I had to see if I fit in the group.”

“What would have happened if you didn’t?”  He asked.

I shrugged.  “All in or none in.”

“Jeez,” Pietro cursed.  “Rough.  Good thing they all liked you.”

I poked his side and he wiggled away from me.  “Good for you.”

He sighed and lifted Thour over his head.

“What’s up, kiddo,” I asked.  “Why the gloomy face and all the questions?”

“So I’ve been seeing this guy,” he said.

“Ooh… a guy?” I asked.

“Yes, mom,” he snarked.  “A guy.  And I mean, it’s still kind of casual and I’m not sure where it will go - which is why I haven’t mentioned him before - but I do really like him.  But he said he wants to bring someone else into the relationship.  He doesn’t even have anyone in mind.  Just he was thinking he’d like a woman in the mix.  And - I’m obviously not opposed to that.  I grew up with all of you.  But this seems like a weird way to do it to me.  I mean in my head I figured it would just be about people falling in love with more than one person - not deciding the person they’re with isn’t enough for them.  I mean if he found someone he was into and wanted me to meet them, I’d be fine with that.  Do you know if Ma went looking for you to complete the group?”

I shook my head.  “I don’t think so, but definitely - hmm...” I paused and thought for a moment.  “So your ma and I were definitely falling for each other, but she did come to some - not even all of them, just some of the others and said there was this woman she was seeing that she thought they’d all like and could introduce her and maybe she could join too.”

“But see ma at least had fallen for you and was hoping the rest of the group would like you too,” he said.  “She didn’t go head-hunting to get to double digits.”

“No, that’s true,” I said and rubbed his leg.  “Look, Piet.  I don’t think there’s a wrong way to do these things as a whole, but I do think there’s a wrong way for an individual.  I mean look at Rosie.  She was raised by ten people in a romantic relationship with each other and could you even imagine her as polyamorous?”

“Nope,” Pietro agreed.  “She’s the most monogamous person ever.”

“So, if this feels wrong to you, and he’s making you feel like you’re not enough, then you need to talk to him about it.  If he doesn’t get it, he’s not your person,” I said.  I paused and let out a breath.  “I’ve had a lot of issues I’ve had to come to terms with over my life.  Feeling worthy of all these people's love is a big one.  I often thought I wasn’t special to any of them - which had nothing to do with them, and all to do with me and coming into the group late - but I never felt like I wasn’t enough.  You deserve to feel like you're special and you’re enough, Piet.  Don’t forget that.  I know you like to make sure everyone around you is happy and that you put yourself second to make sure that happens.  But you deserve to be happy too and to be treated like the prince you are by someone who loves you.  Or lots of people that love you.”

Pietro took a deep breath and nodded.  “Thanks, mom.”

I put Nova down and hugged him.  He still had Thour in his arms but he wrapped one arm around me and melted in against me just like he did when he was a little boy.  I caressed the back of his hair and kissed his temple.  “You’re such a sweet loving man, Piet.  If this guy is smart he’ll see that and maybe the two of you can figure out a way to get what you both need.  He’s not wrong to want to do things the way he is.  But if it’s wrong for you, you shouldn’t compromise that.  Okay?”

“Okay,” he said.

He stayed hugging me for a moment and then slowly pulled back and put Thour down.  “I better get back to Auntie Loki before I stop being her favorite.”

I laughed.  “Yeah, you better.”

He got up and grabbed his basket.  “See you at dinner?”

“Yeah of course,” I said.

He left - calling out goodbye to Wanda and Zak.  I lay back down with the twins and watched my wife play with my grandson.  I definitely had an unusual life that wasn’t for everyone, but it was definitely perfect for me.  I hoped my kids knew not to settle for anything less than that.

// NEXT

[zodiyack]

Happy

Requested by anon: Imagine toddler Elizabeth being a cute little flower girl at her mothers wedding? My heart can’t take it 😩

Pairing: Bonnie Gold x Shelby!Female!Reader, Gold & Shelby & Gray Family + Elizabeth Shelby-Gold

Warnings: Fluff, cuteness

Words: 1,017

Summary: (See Request...now add Bonnie Gold as groom)

Taglist: @matth1w​, @redspaceace-writes​, @peakysputain​, @fandom-puff​, @cai-neki​, @simonsbluee​, @darling-i-read-it​, @thewarriorprincessxo​, @sebastianstanslefteyebrow​

Masterlist | Peaky Blinders Masterlist | Elizabeth Shelby Masterlist

“You look beautiful, Ellie!” Ada pecked her niece’s cheek with a smile. The little girl wore a pink-tinted dress, design similar to her mother’s wedding dress but with a flower crown. Both gowns had some gold specs strewn about as a little joke about Elizabeth’s father’s, the groom, last name.

“Where’s mummy?” She didn’t care about how she looked, desperately squirming from her aunt’s grip. “I want my mummy.”

“She’s getting dressed, Ellie... You’ll see her in a little bit.”

The tears threatening to spill over concerned Ada; Ellie had never cried about her mother being away, but today seemed different. She hadn’t seen her mother in a little less than a week, Y/n had to be away to prepare and her daughter was left with her family. The empathetic girl was gifted with both a curse and a blessing.

“Is she okay?”

Ada was confused but understood Elizabeth’s intentions. She had a strong feeling that something was wrong, and she acted on it. Perhaps she sensed her mother’s pre-wedding-jitters? Even so, the only way to calm the weeping child was to oblige to her wishes and bring her to her mother.

Y/n held her arms open, her daughter now resting on her hip as she wiped her eyes. “Are you okay, baby?”

“Yeah... Are you okay, mommy?”

“I’m a little nervous but I think I’ll be good.” She bounced Elizabeth slightly before setting her down. “Do you think you can be good for aunty Ada? At least for a few more minutes? We’re almost done.”

The little girl didn’t even take time to think about it, nodding immediately with the joyful smile placed on her lips once again. She skipped off happily and started a conversation with Ada as she picked her up. Y/n was about to close the door when a shoe stopped it. Her eyes widened when she realized who the person was.

“Bonnie! You can’t be here!” Her giggles contradicted the scolding. Luckily, Bonnie could only see her face, the rest of her body and gown hidden by the door.

“I won’t tell if you don’t.”

“No, go! You’ll see me in a few minutes. Don’t break right before!” He chuckled with her. Their wedding was indeed a few minutes away, but she couldn’t blame his eagerness. Y/n too felt the urge to swing the door open and kiss her fiancé, but she wanted to wait until they were husband and wife.

“I think it’s funny...our last kiss as fiancés was when I said goodbye to you last week. A week without kissing you or holding you in my arms... Your aunt can be cruel, I’ll give her that.”

It was Polly’s idea to separate the two for a week rather than the day of the wedding, nevertheless, it was a struggle for them both. She rested her head against the door and sighed. “Bon, I have to close the door. We’re about to go in...I love you.”

She could practically hear the smirk in his voice. “I love you too...this is the last time we’ll say that as fiancés, you know?” The two laughed, their snickers growing louder as Polly rushed over and shooed the groom, practically swatting him with the gloves she’d retrieved for Y/n.

Before they knew it, it was time. 

Polly adjusted Y/n’s clothing for the tenth time outside the doors. Ridiculous, yes, but she wasn’t surprised. Arthur was going to be the one to give her off, as he was the oldest brother. So, he too was getting “momed” by Pol.

She wet her thumb with her tongue, wiping away whatever she’d seen on Arthur’s face, and swatted at him when he scrunched his nose and complained. “Don’t touch me woman, I’m a grown man.”

“A grown man who still doesn’t know how to bathe. Do you need me to have your sister teach you?”

Y/n was quick to reject her aunt’s joking offer. “No thanks, I’m good, I already have El.”

“It was sarcasm, Y/n... And don’t ‘woman’ me, Arthur, I’m your aunt.” Turning, Polly smiled at her niece. Her eyes were glossy and she tried to hold in the tears with an astonishing amount of strength. “You look so beautiful...”

“Don’t cry Pol, she’ll cry too.”

“Right, right.” Polly sniffled and wiped away the tears that had broken through. She then placed her hands on Y/n’s shoulders. “Are you ready?”

Y/n inhaled shakily before nodding. “Yeah, I think so.”

“Okay, here we go, little sister.” Arthur pat her back and held his arm out. Y/n’s hand lifted to rest atop her brother’s, and with an assuring glance exchanged between the two, the doors opened and the wedding had officially started. Elizabeth walked in front of them, tossing little petals along the path. “Awes” were sounded when she stopped at the alter and turned to Tommy, who picked her up and rested her on his hip.

Then, it was the moment everyone had been waiting for.

Arthur and Y/n steadily walked through the doors, making their way to the alter. When they reached it, Arthur had to pass Y/n off. He smiled at her with watery eyes and nodded at both her and Bonnie before going to the stands. Whilst the preacher spoke, Elizabeth couldn’t help but squirm excitedly in her uncle’s arms.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m happy. For mummy- and daddy.” She didn’t tear her eyes from her parents as she spoke, not even to face Tommy when he’d asked her. “I’m just happy.”

He found himself smiling as well. “Me too, Ellie, me too.”

Bonus-

“You may kiss your bride.”

As Y/n and Bonnie’s lips met, Elizabeth’s smile dropped and was replaced by a small grimace. She looked at her uncle, who chuckled and lifted his free hand to guide her face to the crook of his neck, “hiding” her from the sight. More laughter rang out before her mother’s voice joined in.

Elizabeth turned her head to her parents again. They chuckled softly, the softness fading into the hearty-laughter once again when she hid her face back in Tommy’s shoulder again, this time out of embarrassment.

[remade-stopframevevo]

idk if i've asked you this before buuuut do you have any ocs you want to talk about? doesn't have to be a wc oc :0

okay ive been saving this ask for when i have a grasp on how i wanna answer it and who with and Now is the time. also i dont have any ocs other than my warriors ones and my fursona so this is all you get lawl

this is hopeheart (she/her molly, full name hopeheart marigold), shes a groveclan warrior(? shes probably a warrior +hunter because she likes hitting things but for context i have different roles for jobs that require physical labor eg hunting, den construction, battles. you get the idea). i deprived her of her signature groveclan flowers in this pic because ive been awake for a number of hours and just drew this pic for the sake of the ask

the rests under the read more cuz this got really long

she has two sisters, hickorybranch and leopardbelly. she’s also rainwatcher’s (groveclan deputy) adoptive sister in that she adopted rainwatcher when he was a baby (moreso that fawnstar passed rainkit onto hopes mother after banishing rains biological mother, noticed hopes mother didnt particularly care for him, adopted rainwatcher themself, but hopepaw decided to keep him much to the dismay of her mother and sisters).

hopeheart is actually half-floodclan (i havent thought about who the other parent is but its not particularly important anyways) which is very obvious to Everyone by how shes built. groveclan cats are commonly built like how windclan cats are in canon, while floodclan cats are built like fucking walls to compensate for their territory. her sisters got luckier than her and took after their groveclan mother but hopeheart got....herself...we still love her though its okay 💕.. hopeheart is literally built different

additionally, hopeheart was given her prefix by her mother in a “maybe this is a good thing. maybe this isnt so bad and maybe in fact this child will make things better” way wrt the floodclan thing. everyone thinks songbird caused some kind of curse by naming hopeheart like this, because since gaining sentience hopeheart has done the exact opposite. hopeheart is very snappy, very irritable, and very loud in a “everyone knows shes coming even when shes 20ft away” sense. shes not an angry person by any means and doesnt act out because she feels like it or wants to be mean or whatever, but moreso out of a strong dissatisfaction with clan life to a literally depressive extent. she cant understand why a bunch of rules made up by a bunch of stupid dead people years and years and years ago are so important. nonetheless, shes very headstrong about her opinions and views to an almost unintentionally irritating extent. she actually tried to run for deputy when the opportunity arose (more for a desperate want for a change of scenery than actual desire to become leader) but lost almost immediately.

she’s not necessarily unpopular in her clan, she’s well-liked and definitely not a bad person; she’s very loyal and cares VERY deeply about her loved ones - but her lack of respect for authority and the code, and her depressive states, can be frustating for others because of a lack of understanding of how to help her or how to “deal with” her.

speaking of a lack of respect for the code: she’s been indefinitely banned from gatherings for getting caught with her thornclan girlfriend, honeyblossom (they/she nonbinary, i already posted a pic of her like 3 days ago so i wont repost it). a good majority of groveclan residents were already aware of the situation (with mixed opinions; towards her and towards fawnstar for just actively letting it happen) although the relationship had been kept from thornclan as much as possible, with fawnstar going as far as to make excuses for them, because thornclan is a horrible fucking place to live and everyone who lives there wishes the punishment for breaking the code was just something normal and easy like public execution. that being said, at some point hopeheart and honeyblossom got a little TOO public about it during a gathering (which admittedly was likely hopehearts doing, honeyblossom is far too anxious and scared to ever initiate anything even if the only thing watching is a bird), catching the attention of swanstar, thornclans leader. fawnstar and hopeheart were able to effectively defuse the situation and brush it off as “oh theyre just friends. its fine dont worry” but the second the gathering was over fawnstar immediately barred hopeheart from attending a gathering for the foreseen future, for her own sake and honeyblossoms, in his words. feel like it goes without saying that this mixed with the “fuck the code” attitude she has, hopeheart is in fact not fawnstars biggest fan (not to imply fawnstar gives a shit about the code at all either, but theres like a specific level of feeling betrayed wrt that fact that hopeheart goes through)

and to use my “speaking of” transition again, speaking of fawnstar haters; shes close with one of the medicine cats of groveclan, marbleheart (they/them, nonbinary), who she has a vague adoptive familial relationship with. im also using this as an opportunity to show what i mean when i say “hopeheart looks very different from other groveclan cats”

quick marbleheart facts time: marbleheart hates fawnstar for reasons undisclosed, mostly in a “scared animal backed into a corner that chooses fight” way but also a years-long growing resentment way. marbleheart has virtually no family left (still deciding whether i want to keep their niece an existing character or not but anyway) given the brother that left years ago and the two dead mothers. hopeheart is the closest they have to a living family.

they arent particularly fond of hopehearts relationship with honey but theyre not confrontational about it, theyre more apathetic than a lot of other cats are. they’re also a lot more empathetic towards hopeheart’s state of mind than a lot of other groveclan residents, despite the completely different personalities and clashing views toward the code. although marbleheart accepts the code and almost enjoys it as a way of structure and guidance in life, they can very easily empathise with how hopeheart views it as a kind of cage and does their best to support her when she needs it.

oh also marbleheart and hopeheart having the same suffix was completely accidental but also i think its cute considering their relationship lol

..........................*deep heaving sigh* but anyway i think thats all i have on her right now. like i know theres more and i could expand on more about her and her other relationships but im kind of worn out talking about hopeheart, and marbleheart was the last thing i had in mind to talk about, and i dont really feel like wracking my brain trying to think of more things to bring up. like now i say it i am thinking of other things but ill save it for now. thank you for the ask i could talk forever but this post is already long lawl

oh also shes a trans lesbian lol

[ververa]

Broken like me

A/N: There’s gonna be a 2nd part probably - if I manage to pull myslef together and write it. But I’m doing my best. 

 Hope you enjoy it <3

Cordelia Goode x fem!reader

Words: 2,200

You had always known that you’re the one who needed to make it through life on your own. There was nobody who could help you or who was willing to help you at least. You’re fine for most of the time though. That’s what you kept telling yourself everyday looking in the mirror.

You didn’t want your life to be just a dreadful misfortune that befell you. Your teacher taught you that everything happens for a reason and life is a gift. So, you treated it that way. But no matter how hard you tried, you’re slowly turning colder and colder as more bad things kept happening to you. Before you knew you became numb and went into bad company.

Parties, alcohol, drugs… You’re using them as an escape from your problems, but they’re actually leading you to even bigger troubles.

“You’re fine Y/N. You can do it. You’ve got it!” you kept telling yourself every morning feeling that you’re falling apart

You would most likely break down if a woman from social service and a police officer hadn’t knocked at the door of your apartment. They’re there with your younger sister. They didn’t need to say anything, because you already knew something bad had happened. And you’re right - your parents had had a car accident.

“Miss Y/N… I’m really sorry”

You said nothing. You couldn’t speak at that moment. You only looked  at your little sister - Ava and smiled trying to stop the tears. You knew she still didn’t really get what’s going on. She was barely 5 after all. And that’s when your life changed forever. Since then you’re not on your own anymore. You had a little child that you’re supposed to provide for.

It’s really hard to get everything done. Your college was hell and at the club, where you had got a job, you weren’t paid enough to support both you and your sister. 

You’re devastated and furious, simply because you’re not able to get everything done. You needed to pay for the apartment, buy food, clothes and pay for your sister’s school. You’re a nervous wreck. That’s when your so called friend helped you with finding another job - a better one, as she said.

“Look, there is that agency… They need young, pretty girls such as yourself… You just go out with rich people…”

You knew exactly what your friend was doing and you didn’t really like it. That’s not what you wanted to do in your life, so you’re hesitant.

“I know you don’t like being close with people, but you don’t always have to have sex with them… Think about your sister Y/N. She deserves to have a good life, doesn’t she?”

Of course she did deserve a good life and you wanted your sister to have a better and happier life than you did. That’s probably the only reason why you opted for that job.

It wasn’t easy. Especially at the beginning. Actually you hated it, but you couldn’t deny that thanks to that job your life changed and became a bit easier. At least when it came to your finance. You had whatever you wanted and could buy anything your sister wished for.

You're pretty and your job taught you how to use it. And so you did. You rarely had to do more than going out with some rich people and keeping them company. Usually you met with someone new every week, until one man appeared. He didn't want you or your body. He was gay, but had to pretend he's straight and you're supposed to "play" his girlfriend.

Roman was a gentleman. He got to know you pretty well, as he became your only client for a long time.

"Y/N you don't need to do anything. All I need from you is to look pretty and not meet with anyone else"

"I mean yes, but that's what I'm supposed to do to earn money…"

"I'll pay for everything. Don't worry about the money"

So, you stayed at home and focused on your studies. You liked it at first, but soon you realized you miss all the attention you're getting. All the compliments, praises, presents. You didn't complain though. Roman took care of everything and you even became friends. Thanks to him you met the first person you ever loved.

You met her at a party. You're there with Roman. You had to be by his side almost all the time, which was not only tiring, but also kind of boring. That's why you got quite excited knowing that the blonde woman was watching you.

After 3 or so hours of pretending you're done. You needed a break, so you went to the toilet and lit a cigarette.

"Isn't he too old for you?" you heard a female voice

You turned back and saw the woman who's looking at you for the whole night.

"He could be your father…." she stated

"He's a good friend. I'm helping him and he's helping me" you shrugged 

"By sleeping with him? I mean I don't judge. I understand that some girls are looking for stability…"

"No. Some girls need money, because there's no one they can count on" you snarled

"I'm sorry" the woman sat down on a windowsill next to you "I didn't mean to offend you" she placed her hand on yours

You looked at her. Normally you'd be annoyed when someone touched you, but it's different with her. Something about her made you calm.

"Wouldn't you prefer to find someone younger, who would try to be there for you?"

"I'm not sure if that's possible"

"Why?"

"It's complicated"

"Explain then?"

"I… I just do what has to be done, because we need money"

Cordelia frowned trying to read your unreadable face expression. After a moment she offered you her hand.

"I'm…" she wanted to introduce herself, but you already knew her

"Cordelia Goode, the Supreme, yes I know"

She smiled still holding your hand.

"What's your name then?"

"I'm Y/N"

"Y/N what?"

"Just Y/N" you said standing up "It's nice to meet you Mrs Goode" you smiled and moved to the door 

"It's Cordelia"

"Of course" you said and left

You had been to a lot of different parties with Roman, but you had never met Cordelia before. You had no idea they’re friends actually and you definitely didn’t expect that it would affect you in any way. Yet it did.

After his brother’s death Roman was taking care of his niece. You knew that, because the two of you befriended, but you didn’t know the girl was a witch and was at the academy, where Cordelia was in charge.

You had no idea Cordelia was interested in you as well. You stopped noticing such things when you began working at the agency. That job totally changed your way of perceiving love.

Cordelia on the other hand felt more powerful than ever. She was the Supreme after all. She was capable of having whatever she wanted - and she wanted you. She couldn’t really explain it, but something about you was attracting her and there was nothing to do about it, but get you. Yet despite her power Cordelia still was a caring and empathetic woman. She didn’t want to use you and hurting you was the last thing on her mind. So, when Roman told her he’s going to leave and that you’d have to go back to working just like the rest of the young women in the agency Cordelia decided to take matters into her own hands. They talked it over and made a deal, but nobody told you about the changes.

You did feel like something  was not quite okay on your way to the hotel. Roman had never made you go to any hotel before. You had always met at his place or he just picked you up, so that you could go to some party together. But there you were - at the door of the hotel room. You knocked and waited for Roman to open. But instead of him the door was opened by Cordelia. You stood there a bit shocked and confused.

"I… Is Roman here?"

Cordelia smiled "No, he's not"

"Oh… umm okay. I guess I misunderstood something…"

"No, honey, you didn't. Come in"

'Honey'? That took you by surprise.

You came in and looked around. The room was huge and really fancy, but you knew immediately that it wasn't Roman who had chose that place.

"So, where is he?"

"That's a long story. Would you like some wine?"

You looked at her once again. She was dressed up and looked even better than at the party where you met. That's when you got it…

"Sit down Y/N" she said approaching you with two glasses of wine

You did as you're told and then you were handed one of the glasses. You looked at her anticipating what could come next. But Cordelia didn't say a single word. 

For some reason her confidence disappeared when she saw you. You're so young and beautiful.

You knew that look that she had in her eyes. You knew what she wanted and that made you feel weird. Obviously you wanted attention and adoration and from the moment you met her you wanted her to want you, but at the same time you didn't want her to be like everyone else.

So, you say there in silence - looking at each other from time to time.

"So…" you started "I assume that I'm your toy now and Roman won't come, will be?"

"Roman had to leave and we didn't want you to…" she paused "We just decided I could take his place" she said nervously

" 'we'?" you repeated "And you didn't think that maybe I should know about it?"

"Y/N… we just didn't want you to feel… bad or uncomfortable"

You rolled your eyes and stood up. You placed your glasses on a table and began to unzip your dress.

"What are you doing?"

"Undressing. Let's get this over with. That's why I'm here for, right?"

"Actually, I was hoping that you'll have a dinner with me"

You stopped in your tracks.

"Dinner… with you?"

"Yes" she said standing up and approaching you "I thought we could get to know each other better" Cordelia took a long coat and held it for you to put on. You said nothing. Your brain stopped at the words 'get to know each other better', because no one had wanted that before. That's quite unexpected, but you didn't protest.

Cordelia took you to a restaurant downstairs at the hotel. You sat at the table far from the other people and ordered.

"Tell me something about yourself" she asked

"About myself?"

"Yes" she smiled "Because for now I only know your name"

"Well, there's nothing much to say. My life isn't interesting at all"

"Well, you seem to be a very interesting person"

"What do you want to know?"

"Everything"

"Umm… I don't really like talking about myself. I mean no one really cares" you shrugged

"I do"

"No you don't"

"I do"

"Mrs Goode…"

"It's Cordelia" she corrected you

"You don't... You don't know me and you don't want to know me. You don't need to pretend... I don't expect you to care. It's fine"

“I really do. Honestly, Y/N, I want to get to know you better” Cordelia said carefully taking your hand “But only if you’re okay with telling me”

The sudden touch took you by surprise. No one had held your hand like that - so gently - for a very long time.

“I…” you hesitated “I don’t talk about myself, because people don’t like it. Every time I let someone close to me… they leave. And with every person that leaves I lose a part of myself. It’s not even that I don’t want to tell you. It’s that you’ll leave too Cordelia and there’s not much left of real me and I just can’t lose that part, because if I do… then who will I become?”

The Supreme smiled sadly and gently squeezed your hand.

“I’m sorry” you said not looking at her

“You don’t need to be sorry, sweetheart. You haven’t done anything wrong, okay? You don’t need to tell me anything if you don’t want to.”

You looked at her and saw her beautiful smile. You nodded and tried to smile back, but you knew very well you failed to do so.

“I know you probably think I won’t understand” she continued “But trust me, I’ve been through a lot myself, so if you ever change your mind, just know I’ll listen” 

You dared to raise your eyes, simply because you wanted to know that she meant it. And one look was enough for you to be sure she did. You always believed that all the truth was in people’s eyes, that eyes were the door to a person’s soul. But you’re quite sure you had never seen more beautiful eyes - in which you could see nothing, but honesty, understanding and care. That’s when you couldn’t help it and thought to yourself - “You’re broken like me…”

Also I’m gonna make a new tag list, so let me know  if you’d like to be tagged :)

[teacherintransition]

When was the Last Time Everything was Purely Joyous?

August 31 was the two year anniversary of my son’s wedding; it was the last massive gathering of all parts of our family joined in celebration…

… then, the world went ever so incredibly mad.

I’ve been writing this series of articles for sixteen months; and for the most part the topics have dealt with the struggles of adjusting to retirement after thirty years of teaching. On occasion, I’ve written about anecdotal nonsense for fun, but several things I’ve avoided discussing are politics and Covid-19. These matters are quite delicate in our collective psyche and can create a sense of hostility that I try to avoid with people and within my mind. These topics have a place in this week’s article, but only on the periphery creating a setting for the observations. This was not planned as my last two articles have been stream of consciousness pieces with humorous undertones. The birth of this article stemmed from a phone conversation I had late last night with my brother, Brian, swinging under the tree with my bulldog Chunky by my side. What a setting for the muse to help me see the significance of August, 31.

Brendan Joel Rich married Michaela Ackerman on August 31, 2019 near Lake Conroe. The venue was beautiful and every detail accounted for in the planning. Both Brendan and Michaela were dedicated, successful public servants: Brendan a empathetic coach and Michaela, a compassionate RN. Lifelong friends and family made up both of their wedding parties. The service was beautiful… Annie, my wife’s mother, somewhat frail but truly focused was escorted to her seat of honor on the arm of her first grandson, my oldest son Joshua Keith Rich. Annie was soon to turn ninety two and had never missed any event of importance that involved her grandchildren: Josh, Kyle, Erik, Rachel and Brendan. The pride she radiated at being escorted by her thirty five year old grandson and seeing the smile of Brendan and Erik brought a flow of tears from those congregated for this wedding. It was a magical event…storybook…it couldn’t have been more emotional… more perfect.

The food was marvelous and the open bar delighted any epicurean. The music was loud and like Dick Clark used to remark on American Bandstand, you could definitely dance to it. Brendan’s older brother Josh and his oldest friend, Josh Keith gave sublime speeches that drew out sentiment deep from all of our hearts. My nephew Matt Rich was with his fiancé and their little boy Asher. This young man was “Saturday Night Fever, Grease, and Fame” rolled into an eighteen month old body and stole the show. As expected a trove of pictures were taken of the various branches and new additions to our family. Everyone was dressed immaculately and the photos were magnificent. One in particular had my wife and sons joined with the newly wed Mrs. Michaela Rich, Annie, Joshua’s fiancé, Brian and his wife Mishelle, his sons Cory and Matt with Rachel and Asher. It was an image of pure joy. After the photo, I texted the phone photo from my phone to the only cousin of the Rich family I can tolerate: Heather Rich-Matteson…she was my crazy doppelgänger. She replied that it looked like we were having a blast and wished she were there. I wished she was there too. For in that brief fleeting moment, everything was, dare I say it, …perfect.

The world will humble you.

In a few months, the year 2020 began and the family pictures of countless families would undergo tragic pain and loss. In late February, our world began to turn upside down and would continue to tumble for the foreseeable future. My cousin Heather, forty four years old, a fantastic mother, a loving wife passed away unexpectedly as we were heading to, ironically enough, the wedding of a family friend. I don’t intend to mark every horrible loss that took place in the interim from Brendan and Michaela’s wedding and the current moment; suffice it to say there are loved ones missing from those pictures. Annie is no longer with us, my beautiful nephew Matt is gone, Heather is gone, Donnel has passed away and numerous other friends, colleagues, nieces, brothers and on and on have succumbed to the virulent plague wreaking havoc in our world. Every family has a similar story to tell and on it goes.

The world will go on.

There have been many dark moments since that day. Perspective is a pliable, subjective instrument that can alter moments of peace into turmoil and moments of turmoil into visions of hope. Nothing is static… time goes forward and you go with it or get left. Brendan and Michaela celebrated and good wishes were sent. Everyone made acutely and painfully aware over the last two years that life and joy are fleeting things. It’s all a matter of perspective…and sitting there, talking with my brother, I chose to change my perspective. My brother lost his son in February earlier this year…he lost a part of his soul. Science teaches us that there is a balance that occurs in natural things. What balanced such a overwhelming loss? Brian knows that his brother and his brother’s family will be there for him in any way to fill the gap. He knows that his immediate family is strong beyond measure. His daughter, Lauren leads and lends strength to her dad. His son Cory embarked on a soul searching journey to bring healing not just for himself but for others. Matthew gave him a parting gift; a beautiful granddaughter name Lynnox who looks like Matt. His coworkers held him up and perhaps in ways he never knew before, he wasn’t alone.

My wife Kim, her sister Nancy and brother Frank lost their true north in June of ‘20 when Annie passed quietly in her sleep. Kim had Annie for fifty three years, Nancy for sixty eight years and Frank for seventy years. That is an incredibly long time to have your mother… a mother who exuded love at every turn. For awhile, they were lost like I had never seen them. The wound healed and emotional scar tissue took its place. There would be no vacuum here; these three somewhat aged group of siblings formed bonds that can never be broken. They love each other more that I thought possible and it’s beautiful. Siddhatta Gotama Buddha teaches us the “First Noble Rule” is that in this life we will experience loss and pain…this is the unavoidable rule. Luckily for us, the Buddha moved on to the “Second Noble Rule.” This rule teaches us that we are to joyfully participate in this world of loss and pain. “Joyfully?“ This will require some serious perspective and realize that all things are in a constant state of flux. In this state of flux or as William Cullen Bryant called it a “Flood of Years,” the memories are in constant connection with new experiences.

So, how do I celebrate a joyous anniversary amidst incalculable loss? We joyfully acknowledge our new found strength; our newly discovered bonds with family and friends and we acknowledge that the world can take from you but in balance…will give in good measure. My youngest son has overcome obstacles and fallen in love with a lovely girl. My nephew Cory embarked on a journey of healing. My brother has a new granddaughter as mentioned earlier and my wife and I have a new grandson…Greyson. Nancy, my sister in law, is enjoying the pure pleasure of being a “Nana” for the first time. Lauren is off to California; Brendan and Michaela just bought their first home. Things are good two years later; but we know that won’t last. We joyfully know that, together, we can endure tragedy and know the healing flood will refresh us. Hang on … it’s a helluva ride.

[nerdygaymormon]

A Letter to Elder Holland

Elder Holland, I’m certain you receive many, many letters, so if you’re reading my note, thank you. I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and I am gay. That combination often doesn't fit well together. There is much about the gospel and the church that I love. This church connects me with the Divine. This church gave me the language to understand spiritual things. I’ve learned a lot about being a better person, to serve, and to be empathetic. It’s just that where church intersects with how I was made by our Creator, there is tension. In this letter I share some of the feelings I’ve had with that. I struggled to accept that I like boys. I made many pleas and bargains with God to change me. I tried so hard to be the most faithful, best member ever, but every imperfection and shortfall was proof that I wasn't good enough for God to change me. That was a stressful way to live.     There came a day when I knelt down and asked “God, do you love me? All of me? Who I am and what I am?” I immediately felt enveloped in immense love, and warmth radiated across my body as a voice in my ear said “You are not broken.” That answer to my prayer sustained me for a long time. It is sad that a person who grew up in church didn’t know if God could love me. What a relief to learn God loves me and doesn’t view being gay as defective. I was in the closet when I was a missionary and when I attended the church schools in Rexburg & Provo. It felt like I had this big secret I had to protect and a lot of mental energy went into remaining on guard and making sure no one would find out. It felt really lonely not being able to be open. The best friendships are where you can be vulnerable but I had to worry about being able to stay in school so honest friendships had to wait for another time. For a long time I didn’t come out as gay because it seemed like it would disrupt my life in really negative ways. Staying in the closet kept my world intact. Much of my family’s life revolves around church. Being a member of this church gives me a social network, a map of life goals, and an identity. Coming out meant I could lose all of it.

Squashing all my romantic and sexual feelings also shuts down most other feelings. I spent my 20’s & 30’s feeling numb, like I was watching life but not a part of it. I spent those years wishing a bus would hit me or a major disease would strike. Those kinds of deaths would end my suffering and also be okay for my family because they wouldn’t have to know I’m gay.  I finally reached the point where I was tired of going through the motions. What’s the point of having a life if I wasn’t going to live? As I was approaching my 40th birthday, I decided it’s time for a change. It was hard to share the secret I had spent my life guarding, so initially I came out one person at a time with no big announcement Coming out changed my life in ways I didn’t foresee. I think because I could let down my guard and there was less conflict between my public & private identities, I appeared more confident. People started to notice. I got higher positions at work, and I was pulled from the Primary, which is where I spent most of my adult life. My 40's have been spent in stake callings. I’m grateful my stake president views me as able to serve regardless that I'm attracted to men. 

Being gay complicates church for me. Questions that have simple answers for others are complex for me.    One thing about being open that I’m gay means I don’t pretend to be on the path for straight people. There’s no way for me to complete the covenant path, I can’t become a husband & father (at least not if I want to stay in the church), I can’t achieve the goals that our religion says should be the purpose of my life. It feels wobbly to be on an unmarked path. I understand the Church’s teachings on God’s Plan of Happiness. I wish there was some guidance about the purpose of my life and the path for me as a queer person. It feels like a void in our understanding and so the default answer to everything is “we don’t know,” and “no, that’s not for you.” Church can be a place of comfort & peace, but it’s also a place that can hurt. The November 2015 Policy of Exclusion felt like I'd been punched in the stomach and I nearly walked away from the Church. Only a clear message from God that there was a work for me to do kept me here. I reluctantly stayed and God has used me to bless other LGBTQIA members and that has been a surprising source of joy in my life. 

There’s been some recent conference talks that identify me as a distraction to the church because I can’t be complete the covenant path. That really stings. I’m doing the best I can but those words hit me hard, like the church doesn’t value or even want me. I think back to how I felt when I prayed to know if God loves me and how differently that felt. I don't think God views being gay as incompatible with the gospel.  I’ve had church leaders tell me that it will all be sorted out after I die. Some even say when I’m resurrected I won’t be gay and can marry & have the blessings of the gospel. I understand this is meant to comfort me, but saying I can be happy only when I’m dead isn’t a great message. I need hope in this life. Life can be lonely. I know this is true for many people. I look at my nieces and nephews, they're starting to serve missions and get married and become adults with their own lives. My life is getting significantly lonelier as they grow up.

Everyone has times they wonder if their parents will be disappointed in them for something they've said or done, but I don't think most non-queer children spend years wondering if their parents would still love them if they reveal something important about themselves.

Even though I have a temple recommend, my parents don’t like that I’m gay and my father asks if I were molested growing up or wishes I would go to reparative therapy. My mother wishes I would go back in the closet and that we’d never have to speak of this unpleasantness again. My siblings’ reaction is mixed, some offer unconditional love & want me in their lives and others make it clear that they only remain in touch as long as I make life choices they approve.    A few years ago I went to therapy because of suicidal thoughts. While meeting with the psychologist, I was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder and we also worked on my low self esteem. My life is much better for having received mental health treatment. Thank you for your 2013 talk about mental health. It’s an important subject around which there’s still a stigma. It was helpful I could point my family to an apostle’s words that it’s good to seek help from a mental health professional. When I was in the closet, my attraction to men brought me nothing but trouble and heartache. Being open about how I experience life has allowed my orientation to also become a source of happiness. I found other friends who are members of the Church & LGBTQ+ and it’s wonderful because we understand each other’s experiences in a way many others don’t. I am proud that this is the 8th year the youth of my stake have known a gay member of the church. I wish I’d had such a role model when I was growing up, someone who I thought could understand me or in whom I could confide and seek encouragement. I’ve come to learn that there are LGBTQ+ individuals in each ward of my stake and they often keep this a secret, afraid of how other members will react. Being both gay and a member of this church is challenging. I know some people hold me up as an example, telling their gay son or daughter they can remain in the church like I have. The thing is, the people who do this, I don’t think they understand the type of life they are wishing onto someone they love, it's living a half-life, a stunted life. They should get to know my story before wishing it on someone else. As I said above, God said there was a work for me to do in this church, and I've worked hard to make the little piece of the Church I interact with to be more kind and loving.

It feels like changes are on the horizon for me. Probably a release from my calling in the next few months, and I don't know what else. It's time to think about the future and my path in life.

Since the goals presented in church are not available to me, I have to figure out what a successful life looks like for me, what the purpose of my life is, how God wants me to partner with Him in the work He is doing in the world today. I suspect working all this out will take a lot of mental, emotional & spiritual work. I already feel a bit fatigued just thinking about it, but I also know the Lord has blessed and buoyed me over the years and believe He will continue to do so. 

I would appreciate if you would say a prayer on my behalf, and also for other LGBTQIA+ members that we can be open to the spirit and follow where God guides us. I don't know how we fit into God's Plan, but I'm certain the author of diversity has made provisions for us. 

David

[katcadecascade]

Luck Will Fly

Fair Game fic I already posted on ao3 and decided to post here

it’s basically a baby bird acquisition oneshot

-

“Um, Clover?” The young huntress began and immediately Clover has a tight breath stuck in him.

Ruby Rose is known for impeccable leadership and clever strategies that rely heavily upon teamwork. As per of her skills, she has an air of confidence and hope.

Right now in the academy’s grand hallways where Clover was simply making his way to the kitchen, Ruby approaches him with a frown.

Despite the short amount of time knowing her, that frown means something bad is happening to a love one.

He instinctively has the urge to go find Qrow.

“Is something wrong?” He asks and his old teachers would reprimand him for speaking with such a tone. Captains are meant to be collected and stable. Yet the thought of anything bad happening to the dark haired man sends spikes into the Ace Leader’s chest.

The young adult, still a teenager to Clover’s mind, sends him a freaked surprise that’s shifts into confusion, “No, I don’t believe so. I’m wondering if you’ve seen Uncle Qrow lately.”

He wants to say that every time he sees Qrow, he’s beautiful and stunning and takes his breath away. But this is Qrow’s niece, those thoughts are highly inappropriate to share out loud.

That and as much as Clover dislikes admitting, he hasn’t seen Qrow lately.

“Not really,” Clover said, “He’s the first one to leave the meetings and so far has denied my invitations.” Ruby raises a brow at that last word. A flushed heat crawled up his neck as he quickly clarifies, “Invitations to tea or game nights, that is.”

“Uh huh, yeah he hasn’t been hanging out with any of us lately,” Ruby tapped her chin, “but it’s always the same excuse.”

“I gotta take care of something,” Clover quotes, recalling the hurried tone the huntsman used. “I assumed it was for your or your teams’ sake.”

She shrugged, “I thought it was about you.”

Clover blinked, not at all understanding how she connected those dots.

Because throughout all this time, Clover wants those dots connected, he desperately wants Qrow to give him some sort of sign that he likes him back. They flirt at each other left and right and Clover hopes for something else. He wants his advice for Qrow to get through that brain of his.

Qrow’s always deflecting compliments, shrugging off his self-worth but he’s been doing less so each time Clover manages to get that soft vulnerable look on his face, like he’s no longer hiding in a shadow of doubt and misery.

But right now, from the sounds of it, Qrow is distancing himself from everyone.

Clover didn’t question further, never reading anything to worry from the distracted look in Qrow’s face.

“Whatever this ‘something’ is,” Clover said, “it’s keeping his entire attention. Any idea what it could be, Miss Rose?”

The girl strokes her chin as if she had a long beard, her foot tapping along, “Hmm, if he’s taking care of this something for so long and in secret then maybe there’s a pattern to follow. What else has he been doing?”

The Ace Leader recalled the past week.

Unfortunately (is it though?) he spent quite a lot of it staring at Qrow’s ass.

Look, Clover can be a weak man, give him some slack.

Aside from that, he has seen Qrow always heading towards the gardens but when he passes by the floor-to-ceiling windows, the luxurious garden is empty.

“I think I know where he is,” he said, already walking with the huntress by his side.

“Oh I caught him slicing apples the other day,” Ruby brought up as it is the most important clue, “He always does that when I was younger even though he prefers to just eat to the core.”

It’s a short walk to the academy’s garden, tended daily by both students and staff to create a crisp and clean grass lawn. Flower bushes and beds are symmetrically lines down for sidewalks and a path leading towards a gazebo and groves. Along the way there are stone benches under the shade of tall trees, evenly trimmed and full of leaves.

Sure enough, the garden is cleared but the two leaders easily spot a bench with a napkin with apple slices.

“Huh, maybe we missed him,” Ruby wondered reaching down for a slice.

But then suddenly something small and dark swoops down from the tree, landing right next to the snack.

A black crow cawed at them.

Clover tilted his head, glancing at the bird then up to the tree. High in the branches, it’s a bit hard to spot a nest of twigs.

“Is Qrow known to leave out food for birds?” He asked and then he noticed Ruby has the crow on her arm. “Wow, it must really like you.”

Ruby beamed, gently petting the bird’s head, “I know.”

There was a genuine look of joy on the girl, reminding Clover that once upon a time he was like that, back when he was bright and determined to make the world a better place. He still has that determination, still is joyful, but even he has to admit that with experience and age comes a sense of doubt he can’t fight off.

Which is why Clover is happy to have the Beacon huntsmen here, they all bring in a new found hope and support. He won’t lie, he was never one hundred percent prepared when he and his team entered General Ironwood’s inner circle. The new and magical revelation still shocks him, so teaming up with Qrow and his kids were a lucky sign in Clover’s eyes.

Speaking of eyes, there is a glint of mischief sparkles in the girl’s silver eyes, a teasing smile on her lips, “I bet that this crow really likes you too.”

“I don’t have much experience with birds,” he warns as Ruby raises her arm up to get the bird closer to him. A cousin of his had a pet cockatoo, that bird was territorial and picky. It even got a good few pecks at Clover’s fingers.

“Aw,” she whined, still presented the bird up, “but this one is pretty and nice. Right, Clover?”

The crow cawed loudly at Ruby and Clover nearly backed away when the bird’s black feathers ruffled up.

He couldn’t help but chuckle at the sight of its feathers puffing up, making it seem bigger and its red eyes tiny. Once the feathers relaxed, Clover gently and slowly reached over to pet the bird.

“Yeah, he’s a very pretty bird.”

Ruby’s grin went big, not that Clover could understand why, he’s too busy petting the bird. Mostly he’s too amazed at how calm and friendly the bird trusts him to pet the wings.

“Would you say that you love the bird?” Ruby innocently batted her eyelashes. He pulled his hand back as the crow suddenly flapped its wings and pecked at Ruby’s arm. “OW! UNCLE QROW!”

“Uh,” Clover dumbly said, “Qrow?”

As Ruby waved her arm up and down, the bird flies up and Clover watches how that tiny black mass grows and what is dropping back down is a handsome man with red eyes and red cheeks.

Qrow is giving his niece a frown that is trying so hard to not be a smile, “Okay I think you have said enough, brat.”

Rubbing her arm, Ruby sticks her tongue out defiantly. In return, Qrow ruffles up her hair.

Meanwhile, Clover is staring with his jaw dropped.

That bird… was it? Wait no wait- magic real, yep, recalling that- but Qrow and crow and pretty birds?

If he had more rational thought (because half his mind is always focused on Qrow) maybe, just maybe, Clover would remember that he has been informed of the existence of magic and wizards and gods and such.

But of course leave it to Qrow Branwen to always leave Clover Ebi senseless and awed.

“So I’m guessing from the look on your face that Jimmy didn’t tell you everything about me.”

“Ahhhhh,” is falling out of his mouth.

Neither man notices the way Ruby is giggling, her eyes darting between them.

Or well, Qrow is at least ignoring her. Every time he glances over to his niece his cheeks flare up in a redness that just wows Clover.

He wants to kiss those cheeks, watch how the pale skin easily shades into red under the faintest of touches. Those red eyes must look gorgeous when vivid emotions take over, freeing the man from any burdens of the world. Clover wishes desperately to have that honor of sending that sense of security and freedom to the dark haired man.

Tiny chirps interrupt the three hunters.

Qrow sighs and with swift, practice motion, feathers dawned on him. His small form picks up an apple slice and he flies to the nest.

Another chirp arises, sounding more pleased, and Qrow returns to the ground, his boots making a thud noise on the landing.

Ruby is on her uncle’s arm with a wide, excited smile, “Is that a bird up there? That’s whose the apples are for? Can we meet it?”

“It’s a ‘her’ and no,” he shakes his head, “She’s too young to fly down yet.”

Staring up, Clover could barely see movement in the nest. Crumbles of apple chunks scatter over the edge and he could see a tiny beak peer over. Miniscule black eyes meet Clover’s and he is startled by the amount of intelligence and curiosity that little creature has.

“She’s all alone?” Somehow Clover regained his voice and this is his first sentence. It’s also not the first time he said that question, tinged with sadden when he reaches the end of a rescue mission.

“Yeah,” Qrow’s own voice echoes something lonely and empathetic, “She’s been crying out each morning but no one came back for her. I finally found her and,” slowly, almost unnoticed, Qrow had Ruby under his arm, “I couldn’t leave her.”

Their red capes swayed with the gentle breeze, creating a picture of wings wrapped around them.

Ruby smiles up to her uncle, “Does she have a name?”

He shrugged, “I don’t exactly speak bird but I think she’s too young to remember if she was even named.”

A forlorn gaze takes over those red eyes, a familiar sadness tugging onto old handles sunken into the huntsman’s heart.

“Well I think she’s lucky to have you,” Clover comments, sending the other man a wink. It’s become too much of a habit to stop now, not that Clover wants to stop winking at Qrow. Still, it gets Qrow flustered before he could avoid the compliment.

“That’s it!” Ruby gasp, her whole body jittering, “Her name will be Lucky!”

Clover grins so wide it hurts.

Qrow groans.

“I- Oh Brothers no, Ruby, kiddo, no.”

“I think it’s a fitting name.”

“Of course you do, Lucky Charm.”

“Nope,” he shakes his head, “that can’t be my nickname anymore. Otherwise I’ll be very confused.”

Qrow scoffed, “What am I going to feed you apple slices?”

“I wouldn’t mind,” Clover finished with a wink.

Qrow groans, covering his face with his hands.

“Can I feed Lucky?” Ruby asks earnestly, already holding up an apple slice.

Her uncle uncovers his face, taking the slice, “Sorry, kiddo, she hasn’t met people yet. Young birds obverses a lot before they want to get closer. I kind of have to teach her the ropes.”

Ruby lightly punches his shoulder, “Then it’s a good thing she has the best teacher in the world.”

Qrow absolutely preens under the praise, so much like any other time Clover compliments him. He still scratches the back of his neck, tugging a few strands out of place. Clover has the urge to brush them back into an even shape, feel the heat in Qrow’s neck.

“You got everything you need for Lucky?” Clover checks, “We don’t need to gather up worms, do we?”

The caped duo naturally gags at the thought.

“Please don’t tell me you have worm bait, you fisherman,” Qrow pleas.

“Alright I won’t tell you.”

“Gross,” Ruby insightfully adds.

“I got this covered.” The shapeshifter assures, “Her flight and tail feathers just need to grow in and then she’ll be all set.”

Without another word, Qrow jumps up and a crow is flapping about. He flies higher up to the nest and he and Lucky chirp at each other.

Clover still can’t believe the transformation happened right before his eyes. It was so smooth and flawless to be considered a trick of the eye. Nope it was real magic, not something like a relic where it is basically in stasis, but magic as a muscle or a performance. It was definitely eye opening, not that Qrow doesn’t already do that.

For precautionary measures he takes a seat on the bench. “So, right, magic, that’s still a thing?”

The young huntress has the decency to silently laugh at him, “Yep, it is totally a thing.”

“And Qrow’s able to do this because?” Clover trailed off, not sure if it’s a sensitive topic or not.

A clouded look goes over Ruby’s face, “It apparently happened before I was born. Only knew about it a few months ago.” She sits beside the Ace Op, letting her toes tap together in an offbeat rhythm. “But now that I think back, a lot of things make sense. I would find feathers on his cape and oh yeah, he gets really distracted by shiny stuff.”

An undignified squawk is heard above.

“Really now?” Clover teases, “I’ll have to keep that in mind.”

This time the squawk sounds flustered.

Spending the rest of their down time in the garden becomes Clover’s favorite thing for the next few weeks.

It’s a quiet thing, birdwatching in a way as Qrow is the one in charge of the actual care taking for little Lucky. Since Ruby and Clover knew so little on birds, Qrow often shared bits of stuff he learned about throughout his experience of being a crow.

The way Qrow described his new perspective of the world, a place so big and new. He’s able to see places untouched by man, high tree tops or steep skyscraper tops. Suffice to say, the huntsman does not fear heights.

A new energy washed over Qrow as he rambles about stuff he has kept secret. Ruby is just as eager to listen to her uncle’s stories. Clover feels honored for being trusted with it.

The man is just so relaxed in his element, surrounded by nature with a bright eyed youngling oohing and awing at right moments in his stories. Tales of a crow plucking shiny accessories out of propitious folks (it was later returned by the way) and getting into places birds normally don’t have access too.

Clover doesn’t know Beacon or Signal teachers by name but apparently Qrow was a handful for them.

Sometimes Ruby doesn’t join them in the garden, leaving Clover to wait for the crow to finish his bird duties.

Today it seems like Lucky wants to spread her wings. Her chirps forming into a song that Qrow has taught her.

“She’s getting restless,” Qrow rubs his neck, slumping down on the ground so that his back rests against the bench. “I… I think it really is almost time for…”

“For her to leave the nest?” Clover lightly teases, he understands the sudden solemnness that is clouding on the other man but he’ll try his best to clear it. “Lucky will be able to fly with you.”

Qrow clenches his hands over his knees, “That’s not always a good thing. She’ll get hurt just like-“

“Hey,” he moves down to sit on Qrow’s level, getting dirt on his white uniform is the last thing on his mind as Clover takes Qrow’s hand, “She’s in your care. She’ll always want to return back to you.”

They’re no longer talking about a bird, not when their last mission had a close call with Ruby apparently pulling a Yang. (The nieces just have a knack of almost getting eaten alive by big Grimm)

Qrow won’t meet his eyes, “Lucky will eventually find a real flock to be with. I’m just temporary.”

“No you’re not,” he states, reaching over to hold Qrow’s face. His red eyes still hold some lingering doubt. “You raised her and while I don’t know much about birds but I know they’re smart. She’ll remember you for your kindness, patience, and most importantly your heart.”

It almost hurts Clover to see Qrow act like he’s never been told he’s all of those things before. He may not ever know the lengths of Qrow’s pain but he wants to be there for him, to remind him that he really is a good person.

Qrow still stares with vulnerability that is so pure and sacred. Clover will cherish this sight.

“I…” Qrow begins but it’s like something is stuck in his throat, “Clover I…” Hearing his name uttered so softly sent a shiver down Clover’s spine. “Yeah, I guess, yeah Lucky will remember all of that.”

Both have forgotten how their hands interlock, a firm grasp as they hear chirping continue.

Oh yeah, chirping, it’s getting louder.

Instantly both men snap their eyes up to see Lucky flapping her wings, her feet gripping the edge of the nest.

Clover’s breath is stuck, his entire being trained to help and protect but Qrow squeezes his hand.

Completely immune to Clover’s tension and anxiety, Qrow actually sighs with relief. Sadly he smiles, “She really is one restless bird.”

Lucky finally beats her wings in a steady rhythm and jumps off the nest. Next thing Clover knows, that little crow is soaring above their heads.

A new feeling hits Clover like a sucker punch.

Clover wonders if Qrow feels this way every time one of his kids are sent on a mission, this flurry of panic and worry and concern wrapped around a tiny voice that says ‘they’re all grown up and can take care of their selves’.

It feels like a heart attack to be honest.

“Are you okay Clover?”

A gentle hand slides over his cheek, damp.

Oh, Clover belatedly realizes, he’s crying.

“I’m fine,” he tries to say steadily. It comes out wobbly.

Qrow gives him a knowing smile, already whipping the tears away, “Shouldn’t that be my line?”

“Right, right of course,” Clover agrees, already a little embarrassed because why is he crying, it’s Qrow he should be comforting.

He spent weeks watching Qrow take care of Lucky. That baby bird probably doesn’t even know Clover. All Clover really contributed was carrying fruit for them.

Still though, out of curiosity and maybe envy, he complains, “How are you not a sobbing mess?”

“Eh,” Qrow shrugs, “I got all my waterworks out when Ruby dressed up like me for All Hollow’s Eve.”

Rubbing away the rest of his tears, Clover chuckles, “I bet you have that saved on your scroll.”

“What kind of uncle would I be if I didn’t?”

If there’s one thing Qrow loves to brag about, it’s about being Ruby’s and Yang’s super cool uncle. Now after witnessing the vast amount of domesticity coming off of them as of late, Clover sees what he’s missing out on.

Clover could smile a hundred different kinds but none is like the one Qrow dawns at this moment.

It’s a tiny one yet it expresses so much love he has for his family.

A small part of him hopes to be a reason Qrow smiles just as lovingly.

“Hey, look at that,” Qrow points up and while Clover doesn’t want to take his eyes off the man, he looks up to see a familiar crow start circling down to them.

“I told you she’ll return.”

Lucky swoops around and lands on top of Qrow’s knee, chirping like a singer.

Gently, the shapeshifter brushes his fingers against the feathers, a cooing sound coming from the bird. They’re all lost in this moment, carefully watching the how the bird blinks up to them.

Then to Clover’s surprise, Lucky hops over to Clover’s knee.

“Does she know me?” He asks, hesitant and quiet.

Qrow rolls his eyes, “I told you, birds always observe before getting close. She probably knows you as the snack boy.”

The joke doesn’t shake Clover’s apprehension on having such a small and important creature on him. Her eyes are intelligent, completely relaxed with Clover. He takes a chance and carefully raises a hand to pet her.

His hand keeps hesitating, centimeters away from touching her, almost trembling.

“It’s okay,” Qrow whispers, not daring his voice to break the quietness between them, “She trusts you.”

Hearing that confidence in Qrow’s voice is what gets Clover to finally reach Lucky, her feathers so soft under his calloused fingertips.

“She likes me,” he says with such surprise and bubbling joy over this little bird.

His eyes flicker over to Qrow and again there’s a soft look on the dark haired man. He just finds more ways to steal Clover’s heart.

As much as both men want to stay in this moment, Lucky decides her goodbyes are done.

She flaps a few times and then off she flies.

“Are you going after her?”

Clover kind of expected Qrow to take off by now but instead Qrow rejoins their hands. A new glint is in his red eyes as he stares into Clover.

“No, I’m good here.”

[maiaisbia]

not alone

Alec comes home to find Magnus taking care Catarina. 

A look at how Alec finds himself fitting in Magnus' family.

Gen | Words: 2139 | ao3 

Alec was exhausted. It had been a long day of going through old, dusty paperwork. His eyes felt dry and he had probably breathed in more dust that was strictly healthy. Such were the joys and excitements of being Inquisitor at times. Some of the ancient handwriting made Alec very glad for the invention of typewriters and computers as he was spending the month expunging unjust downworlder criminal records. Alec felt good about the work, but right now what he really needed was a mug of tea and go to sleep.

He slipped into the loft, taking off his coat and toeing off his boots, listening for Magnus. He wasn't sure if there might still be a client meeting or a visiting dignitary, even though it was past dinner time. His husband kept all sorts of company in his role of making sure the downworld stayed connected and safe. If Alec was out late with his work, Magnus often wouldn’t stop his own.

Alec heard soft voices, and followed them to his and Magnus' bedroom. Feeling his eyebrows rise, Alec gently pushed the door open, peeking around it.

Magnus and Catarina were sitting against the headboard, both dressed in their pajamas, blankets around their shoulders, mugs cupped in hands. Alec smiled at the sight, then caught that Catarina had tears on her cheeks. Moving fully into the room, Alec whispered, "Hey."

Magnus and Catarina both looked up at him, Catarina hastily wiping her cheeks. Alec moved closer, and Magnus held up a hand. "You can only enter the sanctuary if you are wearing pajamas."

Alec tried not to look incredulous, considering it was his bed, but he didn't want Catarina to feel like she was intruding. It was clear she wasn’t in a place to be alone. He must have not been entirely successful because Catarina chuckled, "Sorry to impose."

"Never, you're always welcome," Alec responded, hoping she heard the truth in those words. "I'm going to shower." He went and gathered some sweatpants and a soft shirt that once had been Magnus'.

When he returned, Magnus and Catarina were where he left them, curled towards each other. Catarina was nodding to whatever Magnus was saying, but Alec didn't think she believed him. Her lips were pinched, eyes distant and glassy.

Alec moved and sat on her other side. In the over two years Alec had been married to Magnus, he'd become to view Catarina as something of a sister. And if Izzy was crying, Alec would do whatever he could to cheer her up. Leaning his shoulder against her own he asked, "What happened?"

Magnus looked over at him, eyes sad. Alec reached out to him, taking his hand and pressing a quick kiss to his knuckles. Holding Alec's hand tight, Magnus explained, "Cat lost one of her patients today."

Alec turned to looked at Catarina, who nodded. "He wasn't any older than Madzie."

Alec's heart ached, feeling heavy in his chest. He could only imagine what that was like. And Catarina, she had no doubt seen many of her patients not make. But she was so caring, always open and empathetic, much like Magnus. To have seen so much and still care so deeply...

"It's hitting a little harder because Ragnor would usually join Magnus in keeping me company," Catarina whispered, voice rough.

Alec nodded, resting a hand on Catarina's back. When she leaned into his touch, he began to rub soothing circles. He then remembered something he found while he was elbows deep in records. Standing, he crossed to where he'd left his phone, snagging a blanket off a chair so that he could wrap it around himself. He settled back by Catarina, pulling up his phone camera roll. Opening his newest, he held it for Catarina and Magnus to read.

"That's Ragnor's handwriting," Magnus said, leaning closer.

"He apparently insisted on adding a note to one of his Clave Violation records," Alec said, letting Catarina hold the phone so she could read it. "I can only guess as to the “fugitives” he was harboring..."

"To Whom it May Concern," Catarina read, a smile growing on her face. "I suggest you review an encyclopedia entry for 'fugitives.' On the day in question, I was hosting tea for a couple of close friends. One might be so bold to call them my family. When your Shadowhunters came to my door to consult me in the capacity as High Warlock, my friends decided to leave. This was not because they were running away because of any crime (except maybe ones of fashion, but who am I to judge), but rather because your Shadowhunters are arseholes and they didn’t want to talk to them. I would like to note this as an official complaint, and also note that I have not been paid for my latest ward repair. What is done can be easily undone, so I expect payment promptly. Sincerely, Ragnor Fell, High Warlock of London."

"They kept this?" Magnus asked, looking over at Alec.

"Apparently," Alec shrugged. "I expunged all his crimes listed, as well as what I could find of yours Catarina."

"I wish I’d left such letters," Catarina shook her head with a chuckle, passing the phone back.

"What about my records?" Magnus leaned forward. He passed a tea cup to Alec, fresh tea in it, warm and filled with honey.

"I'm not allowed to work with your records," Alec admitted with a huff. "Due to something about a conflict of interest... You wouldn't know anything about that?"

"I’ll have to think about it," Magnus tapped his chin, and Catarina gave him a shove.

"You’re both disgusting," she complained, though she finally had a smile.

"Where is Madzie?" Alec asked. It was too early for the little one to have been put to bed, so she probably wasn’t napping in the guest room.

"Raphael was watching her today," Catarina said, finishing her own tea. Alec reached to place the mug on a bedside table, but she merely vanished it back to the kitchen. "I asked him to take care of her a little longer."

"He's a good boy," Magnus smiled, and Alec rolled his eyes. Raphael didn't like Alec that much, and seemed to accept him only as long as he made Magnus happy. As Alec planned to do that forever, he assumed he would be able to win Raphael over at some point in the next centuries.

"How's Madzie's spell work?" Alec asked, sipping his tea. It was perfect, minty and sweet and soothing his throat after all the dust.

"She's getting better at summoning by leaps and bounds! She really takes to magic theory even though she’s so young." Catarina turned her back Magnus so she was facing Alec. Magnus began to massage her shoulders.

Alec listened as Catarina went into detail about the spells Madzie had learned, and then as Catarina and Magnus talked about what she should learn next for her potion work. She was getting old enough that she could do most of the potion work on her own, though she still needed a lot of supervision. Alec was starting to understand a little bit of the craft just from listening and watching Magnus, but the theories Catarina and Magnus went into now were far over his head. He loved to listen though, loved to getting to be apart of this.

They all slowly grew sleepier, and Alec was glad to see Catarina seemed to be feeling much better. She was smiling and her tears had dried. At some point Alec switched sides of the bed, but he needed to cuddle his husband for a certain amount of time each day. Legally. He should submit a law about it. Wrapping his arms around Magnus waist, he relaxed.

Alec drifted off to Catarina and Magnus talking about fashion choices made in the '70s. Alec assumed the 1970s, and tried to make a note to himself to ask Catarina for pictures if she had them. She was truly the best source of embarrassing Magnus stories.

...

Alec woke up a couple hours later, body tensed as he sat up. He was alert, having heard the sound of the front door opening and shoes in the entryway. Alec knew that no one but their family could make it through the wards. Looking down at Magnus, who was now sleeping in the center of the bed, Alec knew he would be awake if anything tampered with the wards. Catarina was curled on Magnus' usual side, hair scarf bright in the moonlight coming in through the window.

Still, Alec felt his body tense once more. But then he recognized the little feet running towards the door to the bedroom. It was still cracked and Madzie plowed right in. She paused to take stock of the bed, before grinning wider and taking a running leap to get on.

"Alec!" she called seeing him awake and crawling over Magnus to get to him.

Magnus groaned as a small elbow probably dug into his spleen. Alec scooped Madzie up and settled her on his lap.

"Sweet pea?" Magnus murmured, cat eyes opening and the pupils going wide to see in the dark. Alec had to stop a laugh. Apparently Magnus could recognize his niece just by her internal organ poking elbows.

"Hi Magnus!" Madzie said. She was very squirmy, which Alec knew meant she was overtired and also probably had too much sugar.

"What the he--- heck is going on here?" Raphael asked. Alec wondered when it had become rather normal to have a vampire just wander into his house. Then again, he wasn't questioning the three warlocks now piled into his bed. It was just how life went. He ducked his head so Raphael wouldn’t see his smile.

"Shhh!" Madzie said, much too loudly to be of much help. "Mommy is sleeping!"

"Not anymore," Catarina grumbled but moved to sit up. She reached over and Alec passed Madzie to her. Catarina changed her daughter into pajamas with a wave of her fingers, and when laid back down. Madzie cuddled close, maybe sensing a bit of the melancholy that lingered around Catarina.

"I was concerned when you didn't contact me as to where I should bring her," Raphael said to Catarina, and he genuinely sounded worried. Raphael cared more than he let on, Alec knew, and that was how Alec was going to get him. He and Raphael would be friends, no matter what the vampire thought.

"Sorry my dear," Catarina said, reaching a hand out. Raphael moved closer, and gently took it. "Thank you so much for taking care of her."

"Whenever you need," Raphael promised.

Alec watched all this, then glanced down to see Magnus was looking up at him. Alec felt himself blush and was glad for the darkness. Magnus was looking at Alec that way he did sometimes, like he couldn't believe Alec was there, was real. Alec decided there was only one thing to do when Magnus looked at him like this- softly and in love. And that was to hold him tight, so he couldn't deny that Alec was right there. That they were in all this together. Laying back down. Magnus’ arms went around his waist and Alec pressed a kiss to his cheek.

"Catarina, they're being disgusting and domestic again," Raphael said, and it was as close his drawling voice would go to a whine.

"You're in our bedroom," Alec grumbled, tucking his face into Magnus shoulder. The familiar smell of sandalwood and the mint from the tea filled his senses. Magnus rested his chin on Alec's hair.

"He's got a point," Magnus said, a warm chuckle rippling through his body. Alec smiled against his neck.

"You're the one who seems to have invited Catarina for a sleepover," Raphael said. The bed dipped and Alec didn't look up to see why. He was warm and sleepy and wrapped in his husband's arms.

The bed shuttered a bit and Alec guessed someone had magicked a little bigger as their new companion joined. Alec found himself not particularly concerned. He knew this wasn’t the first time something like this happened. What was new was Madzie and himself. Alec knew that Magnus had lived closely with both Catarina and Raphael, and with Ragnor, and had probably fallen asleep in a puppy pile with them. They were family after all, and immortality would be very lonely without those to share it with.

Alec let himself relax as Magnus complained Raphael was going to hog the blanket and Catarina told Magnus to just make the comforter bigger. Madzie shushed them all again, which caused everyone to chuckled. Alec fell asleep soon after that, feeling safe, feeling his guard down. They were part of his family now, and he was honored to be a part of theirs.

[artificialqueens]

If You Ever Wanna Be in Love (I'll Come Around), Chapter Five (Branjie) - Athena2

Previously: Brooke and Vanessa’s night of babysitting turned into them kissing Now: They both deal with the aftermath and find themselves pulled together once again

A/N:Thank you all so much for the amazing feedback and comments you’ve been giving this fic! They really do mean a lot to me and I appreciate them all. It would be great if you could leave some on this chapter as well. Thank you so much to Writ for betaing and helping me out with this chapter, you’re the best.

“I kissed Brooke,” Vanessa blurts to A’keria. Saying it makes it real, proves it wasn’t a dream or hallucination. It really happened, and Vanessa knows it doesn’t mean anything, but her lips are still tingling.

“What the hell happened?” A’keria asks.

“We were babysitting, and her niece chanted for us to kiss and…yeah.” Shit, it sounds lame like that. But on that rug, with the sunset illuminating every inch of Brooke’s face, her cheeks glowing, it was almost…magical. Almost real. It’s not, though. It barely lasted five seconds. Vanessa kissed her abuela longer than that as a kid, scrubbing sticky lipstick off her cheek after.

“Damn. One six-year-old is all it took.” A’keria mutters.

Vanessa swats at her. “Hey! She was loud enough for the whole building to hear, okay? We had to!”

A’keria rolls her eyes. “Yeah, she really forced you. Who would win, two adult clowns or a first-grader? Not you, apparently.”

“You calling me a clown?”

“You and Brooke. Might as well open up a circus.”

Vanessa groans. “It was just so the kids would quiet down. She’s gonna be my fake wife at the carnival to shut Paul up some more, and that’s it.”

But does Vanessa want that to be it? That can be the end of the fake-wives-and-girlfriends thing, but Vanessa knows she doesn’t want it to be the end of their friendship. She can’t lose Brooke in her life, laughing at work stories and sending each other selfies, someone who just gets her, who didn’t ask her to change anything.

They were thrown right into the fire at first, forced to act married. But things have slowed since then, the intense blaze now a cozy fireplace warmth, with more of Brooke unraveling before Vanessa’s eyes. How sweet she was around her family. How she sends Vanessa pictures of dogs she sees. How excited she was after realizing she made mac and cheese. And the kiss–but Vanessa’s not thinking about that.

“If you say so.”

“We’re friends. Not every relationship has to be romantic.”

“No, they don’t,” A’keria agrees. “But if your feelings for her go beyond friendship, I don’t think you should deny that.”

Vanessa shrugs. She’ll deal with that when–and if–she has to.

—

“Hytes!”

The men on the museum board favor last names for address and Brooke can’t argue without being called whiny. She snaps her head up, trying to focus. Her brain is a slow computer with too many tabs open, pinging between guests and her speech and kissing Vanessa—

“Yes, Greg?”

Ugh. Greg. He hadn’t believed Brooke was department head the first time they met, had called the museum director to accuse her of lying. The resulting pride that erupted in her after Greg found out that Brooke is, in fact, department head, had left a stream of tension between them at every board meeting.

“Check with the guests for the T-Rex opening again. Some are major donors, so we need them.”

Brooke nods wearily. So much of the museum came down to donors, and she knows it’s important, but she wishes this entire exhibit opening didn’t have to fall on her. But her shoulders are more than strong enough to carry it.

“Unfortunately, with the expenses of the T-Rex,” Greg continues, “Your department might face cuts if this doesn’t go well.”

The words slice at Brooke’s stomach. “Cuts?” she demands. “But funding got cut last year–”

“Then you’ll just have to do well, won’t you?”

Brooke nods. She could punch Greg, but she has to channel that energy into this exhibit instead. She can’t face more budget cuts. She cried after letting Ariel the intern go last year, and she won’t lose Plastique this year. Cuts would also mean less events and kids programs. How many kids like her come through those doors and gain a new passion for paleontology? How many find a safe space, or realize they’re not alone? How many dream of ages past as they walk through the rooms?

Brooke won’t let them down.

All she wants is to text Vanessa after, to rant with someone who knows that higher-up board-member nonsense. Vanessa said that one racist library board member told her ‘someone like her’ didn’t even belong in a library, and Brooke just wanted to hold Vanessa and comfort her. Now, selfish as it is, she wants Vanessa, because somehow Vanessa has come to mean comfort to Brooke. She writes a text asking Vanessa for coffee and freezes.

Vanessa doesn’t need Brooke’s problems weighing her down. She knows how caring and empathetic Vanessa is, how she takes on the feelings of others, hurts when her friends are and sad when a kid at the library cries. Makes it her mission to cheer them all up. Brooke loves it about her, but she can see Vanessa caring too much and getting stressed, and she won’t let Vanessa do that. They’re friends, and they share things, but this seems too big, something Brooke wouldn’t want anyone to carry with her. She won’t hurt Vanessa with it.

She deletes the text.

—

Vanessa hovers outside Brooke’s office. Something’s up with Brooke. Her replies have been short and half-hearted all week, and though it could be nothing, and she knows she has no right to expect essay-length texts from Brooke, she knows in her gut something’s wrong.

Vanessa finally knocks, and the Brooke that greets her isn’t unlike normal Brooke. But Vanessa looks closer, for things she would have missed before but are obvious to her now. Brooke’s eyes are dull, rimmed with dark circles. Her hair is messier than normal, like she’s been tearing her hands through it. And then she sees Brooke’s hands, usually so sturdy and clever and quick. They’re trembling a little, just enough for Vanessa to see. She has to restrain herself from grabbing those hands, running her thumb over the smooth skin until Brooke is calm.

“What’s wrong?” Vanessa asks.

“Nothing.”

“Liar.” She can see the wheels spinning in Brooke’s mind, the worry in her eyes. She’s seen Brooke nervous before, but this is different. This is tense and stressed Brooke, trying and failing to keep her professional put-togetherness, and it hurts Vanessa’s heart. Vanessa puts her hands on her hips, daring Brooke to lie again.

Brooke sighs. “It’s the exhibit. I need to make sure all the donors are coming, and if there’s not a good turnout my department might lose funding, so everything…everything has to be perfect.” She takes a deep breath, and Vanessa wonders how long she’s been holding that in, letting it poison her.

“Perfect’s a lot to ask,” she says softly.

“I can do it. It has to be,” Brooke says simply, and Vanessa wonders how many times perfection’s been asked of her before, how many times she’s worked herself into the ground to deliver it.

“Who said? That asshole Greg?” She’s heard enough from Brooke to know Greg is not someone she wants to meet.

Brooke nods weakly, and all Vanessa wants is to smooth that wrinkle between her eyebrows.

“Can I help with anything?”

“I don’t think so. I just have to wait for replies. And finish my speech–” she grabs notecards off her desk, “–which is horrible.”

“I’ll listen to it! No arguing,” she says when Brooke protests. “Read it.”

Brooke does, talking about how great it was to bring the skull here and the importance of museums. It’s a good speech, one that’ll have rich people opening their checkbooks. But something’s missing–that breathless, childlike passion Brooke has when she talks about dinosaurs, the excited inner child that comes through in her smile. Brooke is going for cool and professional, and it’s good, but it’s not her. At least, not the Brooke Vanessa knows.

“Don’t take this the wrong way,” Vanessa says gently, “But can you make it less formal? A little more fun, more like you?”

“That’s how I had it the first time,” Brooke admits. “I just–”

“You wanted it to be perfect,” Vanessa finishes. “But it’s perfect when it’s like you too, you know.”

Brooke smiles, and Vanessa knows she’s gotten through to her. “Thank you, Ness.”

Vanessa wrinkles her nose. “Ness?”

“That’s what Sophie calls you. I kinda like it.”

“Okay, Brookie.”

Brooke swats at her playfully, and Vanessa drops into Brooke’s desk chair. Her desk is neat, of course, littered with tiny dinosaur figures and pens in a C-3PO mug. She smiles at pictures of Brooke on fossil digs, in graduation robes, giving presentations.

“Brooke Lynn Hytes, dino expert.” Vanessa shoots a horrible imitation of Brooke into her desk phone.

“I don’t sound like that!”

“Sure you do.”

“‘Sure you do,’” Brooke mimics in a raspy voice that Vanessa admits is accurate. She could sit here all day, but lunch is almost over.

“I gotta go, but take a break,” Vanessa orders. “I know you’re working too hard.”

Brooke nods, and her smile loops in Vanessa’s head all day.

—

Brooke types the last sentence of her speech, sitting back in awe. Her speech for the opening of a special exhibit, a childhood dream come true. It hadn’t been easy to get here. There were the doubtful years of college when Brooke learned paleontology was a lot more than digging up bones, when professors–usually male–approached her in lectures and asked if she had the right room, maybe you’re looking for the teaching department, sweetie? There was the struggle of needing a perfect application for one of only a few internships, the job prospects that made her toss and turn at night, wondering if she should go the teaching route, suck it up and teach earth science to bored college kids needing an elective. And then those first bones shone through the dirt, glittering under the Montana sun, and Brooke had known that this was all she ever wanted.

She reaches for her phone to tell Vanessa. It’s strange—Brooke never would’ve thought of sharing this with anyone, would’ve just kept it to herself. Another day at work. But she’s done it, and all she wants is for Vanessa to know, to share it with her. Lately she’s sharing more and more with Vanessa, from funny memes or restaurant recommendations to the book of Mary Oliver poems she’s going to give Vanessa as a thank you for helping with the speech. She loves when Vanessa sends stuff back, selfies of her in a witch hat, or pictures of crafts she’s done. The fact that Vanessa did something like tiny She-Ra swords and thought of Brooke, wants her to experience it too, makes Brooke warm and fuzzy inside.

There’s a missed call from her mom, and Brooke calls her back first, trying to calm her heart. There’s no reason to think anything bad happened, she reminds herself.

“Mom?” Brooke asks hesitantly.

“Brooke!” She’s too cheerful to report bad news, and Brooke relaxes. “Your dad and I were wondering if you and Vanessa want to come for dinner some time?”

Shit. “Um–”

“We’d love to see her again.”

“I’d have to check.”

It’s not fair to ask Vanessa again. The agreement was one work dinner and one family party, but they’ve strayed so far from that Brooke doesn’t know where they stand anymore. Brooke planned to say they broke up if her mom asked. She never thought her parents would like Vanessa so much. But she should have expected it, because who doesn’t love Vanessa seconds after meeting her?

“Well, I hope so.” Her mother’s voice is so loving that Brooke’s guilt burns hotter. “Vanessa’s such a good fit for you. You’re so happy around her.”

It’s not real! Brooke wants to yell, and she almost tells her mom the truth. But that would crush her, crush the person who always wanted Brooke to be happy. The person who brought her to the park and coaxed her to join the other kids, even though Brooke was too nervous to ask for her turn on the monkey bars and sat under the slide instead, dreaming of worlds where she wasn’t told to come out of her shell. Who brought her to museums and science camps and encouraged her to keep going in college. Who tried to find women for Brooke to date after she came out, wanting her to have someone she could be happy with.

How could she disappoint her mom like that?

She swallows the lump in her throat. “I-I’ll check, Mom, okay?”

“Okay, honey. Love you!”

“Love you too.”

Brooke sighs, shrugging out the tension in her shoulders. She needs the big guns for this one.

—

“I don’t know what to do, Nina.” Brooke burrows herself deeper into Nina’s couch and takes another sip of wine. “Everything’s a mess.”

Nina occupies the couch’s other end, just like their college days, giggling on a cramped twin bed. Brooke wishes they were back in that freezing cinder-block room, where her biggest concerns were finding edible dining hall food and finishing homework and herding drunk Nina, who just wanted to re-enact every Disney movie ever, into bed. Not the absolute disaster things have become. One little lie. One little lie to stop endless questions about dating, the well-meant hopes that she’ll find the one. Now, the lie is a skyscraper about to collapse in front of her, and all she has to mend it is duct tape.

What was she thinking, agreeing to this? One smile from Vanessa and she was gone, fake ring on her finger and knees touching on her parents’ couch like teenagers, watching movies and bringing coffee and texting nonstop. Now she has to break her mom’s heart and tell her they broke up, or do the act all over, pretend to be in love again, and then what? They keep doing this for the rest of their lives?

“I don’t think it’s that bad,” Nina says finally. “You said Vanessa liked your parents, so why not ask her?”

“Because where does it end? We do this again, my mom loves Vanessa more, she keeps asking to see her. I’m supposed to ask Vanessa to do this for every birthday and holiday and whatever? Next thing you know we’re spending Christmas there–”

“Brooke.”

“–And my mom loves weddings. There hasn’t been one since my sister’s so she’ll start asking about that–”

“Brooke.”

“–Then we’ll have a fake wedding, and what if she starts asking about kids? Oh my God, I’m gonna have to kidnap a child and they’ll make a Lifetime movie about me—“

“Brooke! Breathe, okay?”

Brooke realizes how fast the words are tumbling out, how little she’s breathing. She forces a deep breath, willing her lungs to accept the air. Nina pats her shoulder gently, and Brooke nods that she’s okay.

“I think you should just ask Vanessa,“ Nina continues. “There’s plenty of time to figure things out after. You can tell your mom you broke up later.”

“But it’s not fair to keep asking Vanessa. And the longer this goes on, the more it’ll crush my mom when it’s over. It’s easier to end it now, before she really gets attached to Vanessa.”

It’s not just her mom, Brooke realizes. The more they do this, the closer Brooke gets with Vanessa, and the more it will hurt when it ends. Vanessa has become one of her favorite people, and she can’t lose their friendship. What if asking Vanessa to do this again ruins it?

“Honey, I get that. Vanessa did ask you to the carnival though, so maybe she won’t mind going to your parents’ again? It’s one more event each way, so it’s not totally unfair.”

Brooke shrugs. “Maybe.”

“Don’t forget yourself either,” Nina says. It’s familiar, something’s Brooke’s heard since they were eighteen and Nina made sure sleeping and eating didn’t get sacrificed to Brooke’s studying. “You can’t keep fake dating just to please people.”

Brooke nods. “You’re right, Nina. How’d you get so smart?”

“Just born that way, I guess.” Nina sips wine with a smug smile. “And I want a lead role in the Lifetime movie.”

—

The carnival grows closer, and preparation is in full swing. There’s a running tally, currently at seven, of how many game booths Yvie’s told off on the phone for not following safety rules. There’s the list of food trucks Vanessa and Silky assembled from their personal rankings, plus a new Greek one Brooke told her about. There’s Nina and A’keria’s practice sheets of face paint designs, from fierce tigers to questionable butterflies.

Aside from the kids, this is what Vanessa likes best about her job–having different activities to do, things that let her be creative and not have to sit still at a desk like she did in school, or spend hours refolding the same shirts like when she did retail. She can run outside to test paper airplanes for a craft, or arrange displays, or help kids with homework, and maybe that’s why she never wanted another job. What other job would let her have this much fun?

The added bonus is that it distracts her from Brooke and dinner with her parents. She shouldn’t need distracting from Brooke, but try telling her brain that after seeing Brooke in a fire-engine red skirt the other day, the fabric wrapped around her legs like a second skin. Not to mention the fact that she kissed Brooke pops into her head at random moments, and she can still feel those soft lips against hers.

Is there something more to her feelings? But they’ve been faking a relationship, and that’s bound to rub off. How many movie co-stars got together after playing love interests? Not that she and Brooke are exactly movie stars, but hey, their performance was convincing. Sure, she talks on the phone with Brooke for hours at night, just like high school minus the tether of the phone cord, and brought her cookies once, but those don’t have to be romantic. The speeding up of her heart around Brooke, the way she’s drawn close to her like a magnet, how her eyes can’t leave Brooke when they’re together, aren’t anything either.

So having dinner with Brooke’s parents again shouldn’t be a big deal. If this were a real relationship, a second parent meeting would be much more serious, requiring Vanessa to wear her best dress and bring fancy wine. But they’ve already passed the test, and it’s just dinner. Brooke is nervous, she knows, never planned things to get this far and felt awful for asking, but Vanessa gets it. If the situation was reversed, she doubts she could crush her mom, always on lookout for girls Vanessa can date, like that either.

And she did ask Brooke to the carnival, which wasn’t part of the agreement. Another dinner isn’t unfair. One more dinner, and Brooke will end things on her side, and Vanessa will go back to saying her wife is sick when parties come up. Vanessa hates to think of Brooke’s parents being upset they broke up, but she can do it.

A’keria’s wrong. She’s not in love with Brooke.

At least, she doesn’t think so.

—

Dinner is just them and Brooke’s parents, and Vanessa lets herself go. They want to know more about her, and she tells stories of summers at the beach as a kid, sand clinging to her legs as she built sand castles with her mom, how she and brother splashed for hours, how her dad hoisted her on his shoulders to watch the nightly fireworks. She talks about her college roommate Shea–they kissed once, incidentally, but Vanessa leaves that out–and how they threw a party on the dorm roof. She talks about the time she, Silky, and A’keria misread the recipe and made 30 pancakes instead of 15 and passed them around the apartment building.

Everyone laughs, and it’s hard not to love this, not to want this. A girlfriend like Brooke with her nice family, who reminds Vanessa of her own family even if they’re nowhere near as chaotic. Talking about memories must spur something in Brooke’s mom, because after dessert she pulls them in the living room and whips out a photo album.

“Here’s Brooke as a baby,” Brooke’s mom says, and Vanessa melts, her heart damn near exploding at baby Brooke, wrapped snugly in a white blanket patterned with pink hearts. Her hair is lighter than it is now, almost white-blonde, but her smile is exactly the same. Her eyes are wide and shining with joy.

“Here she is in kindergarten.”

There’s five-year-old Brooke outside a red brick building with a huge grin on her face, modeling a pink tutu, in a blue dress at graduation.

“And here’s Brooke in middle school—“

“Mom, I’m begging you,” Brooke groans, but the page flips to a picture of teenage Brooke whose reluctant smile reveals wire-covered teeth.

Brooke buries her face in her hands, and Vanessa gently pulls them away.

“Hey, everyone looked horrible in middle school,” Vanessa soothes. “I bleached part of my hair once and looked like Cruella DeVil.”

Brooke brightens. “You owe me a picture of that.”

“Fine.”

The pages turn, and Vanessa doesn’t notice how late it’s gotten, doesn’t notice anything until thunder tears through the sky, bringing pounding rain with it. Everyone jumps, and the reality that they have a half-hour drive in pouring rain and darkness hits, making Vanessa squeeze herself.

“I didn’t realize it was so late,” Brooke says. “Wanna go, Ness?”

If Vanessa could focus, she’d notice her face flushing over the nickname. But she can’t, because she very much does not want to go out into that storm.

“Maybe we can wait it out?” Vanessa suggests, and Brooke nods.

It’s still going strong half an hour later, and Vanessa’s jumpy, rubbing sweaty hands on her legs.

“I don’t think it’s gonna let up,” Brooke’s mom says in worry. “I’d hate for you to drive in this dark anyway. Maybe you should stay here for the night.”

Vanessa turns to Brooke, who’s biting her lip. Vanessa knows Brooke doesn’t want her to feel uncomfortable staying here, but Vanessa would much rather be in this cozy house than driving in that storm. Brooke gives a nod that lets Vanessa know it’s her call.

“I think we should stay, Brooke,” Vanessa says quickly. “There’s no point driving in this or waiting for it to stop and driving home at midnight or something.” She appeals to reason, not wanting her fear to show.

Brooke agrees, her gaze softening as she takes in Vanessa. Vanessa suddenly realizes she’s folded up into herself, alert for the next crash of thunder.

Brooke’s mom smiles. “I’ll get the guest bed ready…” She heads down the hall and Brooke turns to Vanessa, eyes soft and tender.

“Are you sure you want to stay?” Brooke asks. “I don’t want you to think you have to.”

“I want to,” Vanessa insists.

Thunder rumbles and Vanessa jumps, curling into Brooke’s side on instinct. Brooke seems shocked at first, but softens into the touch.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Brooke says softly. She lowers a tentative arm around Vanessa and her muscles unclench. “We’re safe in here.”

“Sorry,” Vanessa whispers. “I know it’s just a storm—“

“Don’t worry. Everyone’s afraid of something,” Brooke soothes. “I’m really afraid of flying. Small spaces too.”

Vanessa nods shakily. It’s so embarrassing to be scared of thunderstorms as an adult. No one judged her as a kid in her blanket nest, snuggling stuffed animals to protect her from the rain lashing at the windows. Even her brother would stop teasing and let her hold his favorite Batman action figure. Her mom would bring her hot chocolate and comfort her, and Vanessa shouldn’t need comfort anymore. But Brooke is offering it, holding her securely enough to fend off a storm herself, and Vanessa lets her, the safety of Brooke’s arms better than her childhood blankets.

When Brooke’s mom says the guest bed is ready, Vanessa thinks she would rather sleep in Brooke’s arms.

—

The guest bed is a cozy cloud of soft white cotton sheets, and Vanessa wants to jump right in.

Brooke grabs two pillows. “I’ll sleep on the floor,” she says, assembling a makeshift bed with the pillows and spare blankets.

“Oh, you don’t have to–”

“I don’t mind. Really,” Brooke insists.

Brooke’s gaze lingers on Vanessa, and Vanessa tries to catch all the feelings that flash across Brooke’s face. Does Brooke look…hopeful? Like she wants Vanessa to resist, pull her into the bed? Or is she hoping Vanessa lets her stay on the floor so they don’t have to sleep together? Is she worried about making Vanessa uncomfortable? Is Brooke uncomfortable? Vanessa doesn’t want to make Brooke uncomfortable, doesn’t want to force anything, so she agrees, wondering if that’s sadness or something else on Brooke’s face. Vanessa slides between the sheets, and the bed feels way too big with just her in it.

“It’s weird, sleeping in my parents’ house.” Brooke’s voice rings faintly from the floor, and Vanessa moves to the edge of the bed to hear her better. It reminds her of the sleepovers she had as a kid, snuggling in her Little Mermaid sleeping bag and sharing secrets with her friends, everything more exciting when it was past their bedtimes.

“Sleeping in other places doesn’t bother me,” Vanessa says. “I stayed at my parents’ last Christmas and slept like a baby. Even better than a baby.”

“Is the bed okay?” Brooke frets. “I can–”

“It’s fine.” Vanessa pauses. It could be the sleepover memories rubbing off, but she wants to talk with Brooke, talk all night about everything and nothing, in a way she hasn’t since she was thirteen.

“What were you like in school?” she asks, eager for more of the Brooke in that photo album, of the joy in her eyes that Vanessa recognizes now sometimes.

Brooke props herself up on her elbow and peeks up at Vanessa. “Quiet, mostly. You know how some kids just walked in a room and made friends?”

“Yeah.”

Brooke sighs. “I couldn’t do that. I usually read by myself at recess, watching the other kids. I could never think of anything to say, and when I did it was either too late or I was too afraid to say it. I thought everyone would laugh at me. They usually did.”

“I’m sorry,” Vanessa breathes into the space between them.

Brooke shrugs. “It’s okay. I had some friends, but I didn’t mind being on my own. Or I got used to it, anyway. I don’t know if things would’ve been different if I wasn’t as nervous around people, y’know?”

“I get it,” Vanessa says. She would say more, but she knows it’s hard for Brooke to open up, and she doesn’t want to push her.

“What were you like?” Brooke asks.

“I was funny. I made one joke and suddenly I was the class clown. I didn’t always want to be, though,” she admits. “I was smart. I loved reading, loved learning—when I could focus, cause ADHD’s a bitch. But everyone thought I was stupid, ‘cause I was so restless. That’s why I decided to keep being funny instead. I didn’t realize there’s no reason I couldn’t be both.”

She had been friends with everyone—cheerleaders, drama kids, honors students. She had cracked jokes in class and had the charm to win over anyone. But it had been exhausting at times–sometimes she just wanted to curl up in the library and read, but there was no escaping the funny, popular kid gig, no way to try new things or change herself.

“Right,” Brooke agrees. “It’s like you were stuck in a box. Whatever people called you, that’s what you were.”

Vanessa nods, because that’s it. Brooke always gets her, and it’s a relief to have that understanding.

“God, school sucked, didn’t it?” Vanessa mutters. “At least we never have to go back.”

“Shit, yes. You couldn’t pay me to do high school again.”

They keep talking–about school, about childhood, about themselves–until Vanessa’s not even aware of the rain anymore, until there’s nothing in the world but their secrets and laughs floating through the darkness. They keep talking until Brooke’s eyes start drooping, her words growing farther and farther apart as she drifts off around 2am, and Vanessa settles and tries to do the same.

But she can’t sleep. That hole in the mattress where Brooke should be is a hole in Vanessa’s heart. Why didn’t she insist Brooke get in the bed with her? Vanessa usually sleeps well, but her best sleep is always with someone there, with warmth and safety beside her.

As a kid, she slept with her entire stuffed animal collection so no one felt left out. Through all her relationships, it was sleeping with someone that she loved the most–waking up in the night and feeling the safety of someone there, letting arms curve over her waist, the morning sun shining off her girlfriend’s face. There was such intimacy and tenderness in seeing someone sleep, seeing them so vulnerable and knowing that you loved them and would protect them. Maybe it’s better Brooke’s not next to her. Maybe it would bring up those feelings.

Vanessa peers down at Brooke. She’s curled up on her side, lips parted slightly. Vanessa’s heart beats in time with the gentle rise of Brooke’s chest. Sweet Brooke, who held her in the storm and always praised her and brought her coffee just because. Who always thinks of others first and never makes Vanessa do anything she’s uncomfortable with.

She looks at Brooke’s face, soft and untroubled and angelic in her sleep, and her heart swells, and shit, she knows that feeling. She tries to stop it, but it’s like using an umbrella for defense from a hurricane. She wants Brooke here, wants her warmth and intimacy because—

Because she’s in love with Brooke.

[revalis-flap]

for the ask thing: F, H, U, W, and/or X? whatever you're feeling up to answering! wishing you well xx

Thank you so very much for asking me these questions! It makes me really happy~! -^^- Let’s see,

F - What’s the longest you’ve been in a fandom?

I think the longest I’ve been in a fandom would be....almost 8 years. The Sterek fandom (yes, I’m counting Sterek as a fandom and not Teen Wolf, so sue me. They’re different, they really are!) I’ve been active in it since late 2012 and I still read fic, look at pictures, and follow Sterek blogs.

H - What is your favorite source text for fandom stuff?

I actually don’t have a preference for this at all. I’m not picky about where my source text comes from, if I like it I like it. My current obsession is a K-Drama, but I’ve been highly (maybe unhealthily?) obsessed with fandoms from American tv shows, Movies, Books, Manga, Western animation, Anime, all of it. When I was younger my favorite source text was definitely Anime/Manga, but as I’ve gotten older I’ve branched out (;

U - Three favorite characters from three different fandoms and why they’re your favorites.

Stiles (Teen Wolf) - I love Stiles because he’s witty, he makes me laugh, he’s a sarcastic little shit, but he’s also very loyal and caring. He may break the law on numerous occasions (and with your dad being the Sheriff, damn son!) but he does it for all the right reasons. He was always there for Scott, putting the needs of his best friend before his own on many occasions. He also fights with inner demons, especially regarding his mom, and I tend to gravitate towards characters who have something dark working behind the scenes due to either past events or something else going on in their inner workings. To me he really added the heart that was necessary for the show.

Shirogane Takashi (VLD) - I could write an entire essay about why I love this guy. He was diagnosed at a young age with a life threatening illness but he didn’t let that stop him from achieving his dreams, and even though life handed him shitty hands after shitty hands, he remained a positive and strong leader. Poor guy was having to deal with massive PTSD and still he was there for the younger Paladins, and Allura, and he never faltered in his vision of making the universe a better place. He has an adorable sense of humor (BLAM BLAM!) and is really just a big kid at heart. I mean, he is only 6 after all, we shouldn’t expect more from him (Sorry, had to make the leap year joke). As ridiculous as it might sound to some, he really truly makes me want to strive every day to be a better person. And I will NEVER not be salty about how dreamworks did him dirty. Never. #MyBlackPaladin

The Reaper (Goblin: The Lonely and Great God) - OH MAN I loved him from the moment my niece showed my wife and I a fan video even though we had never seen the show before. Watching the show only made me love him more. He’s so frickin’ awkward it’s adorable, he’s funny, his competitive nature over stupid little things makes me smile, he makes the best pout face on the planet, and even though he made some big mistakes in his past life due to a REALLY shitty situation (not giving spoilers, but seriously, anyone who thinks he was fully to blame either didn’t watch the same show as me, or they don’t understand how people and psychology work at all) he’s a very good person at heart. He’s empathetic and caring, and he’s loyal too. The fact that he’s apparently addicted to hokey K-Drama’s is amazing. Plus, I find him to be so hot it hurts.

W - A trope which you are virtually certain to hate in any fandom

Gender swapping. I don’t know why, it just doesn’t appeal to me in the slightest. I wouldn’t say I hate it, but I definitely don’t like it.

X - A trope which you are virtually certain to love in any fandom

Fake dating/relationship, coffee shop au (yes yes I know), mutal pining idiots, a setting in which all of the characters are living a normal modern life but have still all managed to meet in some way or another, a magical setting of some sort (Hogwarts AU, they’re just witches? whatever it is I love it), and mermaids. I will always love all these tropes.

I’m sorry if I didn’t answer the last two correctly, I was trying to think of fandom tropes and all I could think of were ship tropes? Are they different? The same? I’m so sorry! I hope that was what you were looking for. But thanks again for asking, I had a lot of fun answering these, the character question really made me think because I don’t usually think of WHY I love a character as much as I love them, I just accept that fact that I do. I hope you have a lovely weekend Anon~! <3

[wolfpawn]

Life is a Game of Risks, Chapter 37

Chapter Summary - Time passes and Alexianna and Tom are juggling work, college and a little girl, how does Tom's first afternoon (albeit less than an hour) of minding Lily go?

TRIGGERS - Past domestic abuse, Past emotional abuse, Past sexual abuse.

Previous Chapter

Tags: @damalseer​​ @hiddlesbitch1​​ @winterisakiller​​ @theoneanna​​

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‘Daddy, look at this.’

‘I’m watching, Princess.’

Tom had stopped fighting it after a while. Lily was adamant that he was “Dad”. She knew that he was not a biological relation but it did not matter. To Lily, Tom was Dad, no negotiation. Alexianna found it difficult to accept the “Daddy” situation, mostly because she was terrified that if things did not work between herself and Tom, Lily would get caught dealing with more heartache from getting so attached but seeing Tom choose to allow it, she accepted it more. More than once in the time since she had started, he swore, that come whatever between them, he would always want to be part of Lily’s life. Daniel seemed the most unsure of it at first, but with seeing how Tom treated Lily and her perception of him, he seemed to almost forget himself that Tom was not his niece’s biological father. That said, he did have a few pointers for Tom on how to embrace the role more and to be less standoffish. For Tom, it was a steep learning curve, one that was far more difficult in his opinion than any he had encountered before. He had to call Sarah more than once to ask for her help on certain topics.

Tom had been away on the Infinity War press junket. He had travelled the world with it and was gone for a few weeks, and on his return, Alexianna was doing her exams. When there was an emergency alteration to one of their times and she could not get a babysitter until evening, he was forced to step in and assist. That is how it turned out to be him and Lily together in the park. He had collected her from school and with Alexianna currently on the Underground to their location, he thought it best to burn some of her energy before handing her back to her mother, or he hoped that that would be acceptable. To be honest, he was utterly terrified of being alone with Lily for the first time. He was scared that she would get hurt or lost and he would be at fault for it. This was not some simple request, this was Lily, Alexianna’s pride and joy, their little Princess. He had never been so scared in his life as he had been for the last thirty minutes, every person in the distance he prayed was Alexianna, but he knew she was not going to be there yet. It was only forty minutes, he could surely handle that. He hoped.

There was another child at the playground with the same uniform as her, and on seeing the child, she shrieked excitedly and rushed over to play with him. He too was there with a man. On seeing that the girl his son was playing with was with a male guardian, he seemed to take all but mere seconds to make his way to Tom.

‘You’d swear they had not just spent the day in school.’ He joked.

‘It’s a good sign when they actually enjoy each other’s company.’ Tom smiled in return.

‘Very much so.’ The man nodded. ‘Lily, is it? Rhodri talks about her a lot, smiley thing, loves to just talk.’

‘Yes, that’s our Lil’s. Her Mum puts it best, she is more like a radio really, she talks at you.’

The man laughed. ‘A perfect analogy, just like our Rhodri. I am Timothy Ainsley, by the way.’ He extended his hand.

Tom took it with a smile. ‘Tom Hiddleston.’

‘So...what is the deal with everything, were you away for a while and came back? Was that thing with the singer a rouse, how did all this come back together?’

Tom frowned. ‘I don’t quite understand you.’

‘Well, your daughter, you weren’t with her mum for everything because you were seeing that singer for a while, right? I have the right actor?’

Tom inhaled for a moment. ‘I am not Lily’s biological father, her mother and I were friends years ago, I met her again and she had Lily by then.’

‘Oh...Sorry, I….I shouldn’t have asked.’ The man seemed to realise his error and looked away embarrassedly. ‘She looks like you.’

‘So I am told….frequently. But no, she is not mine biologically.’

‘Is it hard? I don’t think my wife likes it. Rhodri is my youngest, I have two from my first marriage too, though they live with their mother. But it’s clear, she doesn’t like Jane and Jane is not fond of her.’

Tom was feeling uncomfortable with the sheer invasiveness of the man’s questions as well as his oversharing of his own life, he was trying to think of an answer when he was relieved to see Lily run over with her friend. ‘Daddy, I said I can see Mummy.’

‘Oh good, be happy now, she is probably tired and wants you to be her best girl.’

‘I am always her best girl.’ Lily giggled. ‘Rhodri, come say hi to my Mummy.’ The kids rushed to the gate of the playground just as Alexianna got there, Lily giving her a huge hug as she did, both kids shouting their day at her and Alexianna making faces of overdramatic smiles and shock as they told her.

‘Hello.’ She smiled on reaching the two men.

‘Hi.’ Tom smiled, his relief blatant.

‘Mr Ainsley, Rhodri’s father, correct? I was talking to your wife last week about Rhodri coming over to ours to play with Lily some afternoon after school.’ Alexianna extended her hand. ‘I’m Alexianna, by the way.’

‘Oh, yes, she mentioned that.’ He shook her hand. ‘She had not mentioned the child, I had assumed Alexianna was the child.’ He laughed.

‘Mommy, can Rhodri come today?’

‘Not today, Sweetie. I have to go to work for a few hours this evening, you have Elaine coming to mind you.’

‘Why can’t Daddy?’

‘Because Tom has to meet Luke this evening.’

‘I like Luke.’ Lily declared to no one in particular. ‘He’s silly.’

Tom had to bite his lips together at Lily’s perception of his publicist as Luke was utterly uncertain of kids, having been an only child himself and not having any younger cousin’s, only older ones, so his interactions with children were so limited, he came across as awkward at best, which only endeared Lily to him more. ‘Well, Luke and I will be very busy.’

‘Oh.’ Lily began the sad face.

Tom cursed. Her tantrums did little to guilt him, if he was honest, they were actually irritating, though he did not admit that to himself until Alexianna confessed that she hated them, that they made her angry with Lily more than empathetic. But when she gave the sad acceptance with no arguing look, he felt like the worst human being to ever exist for breaking her heart. ‘Your mum has two more exams tomorrow,’ He stated, getting to one knee to look her in the eye. ‘So, how about you and I go to Auntie Sarah’s and play with Sophie, yes?’ She did not change her face, instead, just nodding solemnly. ‘I know it’s not what you want Princess, but grown-ups have to do some work sometimes that is not always fun.’

She walked into him, her arms around his neck as he rose to his feet again. ‘Being a grown-up sounds boring.’

‘You’re not wrong.’ Her mother agreed. ‘Mr Ainsley, a pleasure to meet you. Unfortunately, we are being forced to rush home now. Rhodri, we will see you again soon Sweetheart, when you come over, the two of you can have a great day, okay?’ Rhodri nodded enthusiastically. ‘Say bye, Lils.’

‘Bye Lils.’ Lily stated solemnly from Tom’s arms, causing the adults to chuckle. With the goodbyes said, they parted ways.

When they got to the car, they put Lily in and got into the front seats.

‘Hello, by the way.’ Alexianna smiled.

Tom leant across the car and kissed her. ‘Hello, how was your exam?’

‘Okay.’

‘Lexi?’

‘No, I am just second-guessing myself, I did not get one or two and I think I underdid a question or two but I should be okay.’

‘And the ones tomorrow? They are both your hardest and the easiest ones, right?’

‘Yes, I am so nervous, I want to go into work for an hour this evening and speak with Donna for a while regarding the legal one, she said she would help. If she can get the last two or three things I am nervous about done with me, then I will be fine.’

‘What time is Elaine coming?’

‘Five. I had Lily have dinner in school today so she will only need beans and toast in a minute and she can have porridge before bed. What time are you meeting Luke?’

‘He is coming to mine for five. I can’t give you a lift to the office.’

‘It’s fine, I will take the Tube, it will only take a few minutes at this time. How was it?’

‘Lil’s?’ Alexianna nodded. ‘Great actually. We just went to the park so that I knew she would be happy and that is it. She fought me on wearing her jacket, but we got there in the end, didn’t we, Princess?’ Tom smiled, looking into the rearview mirror to look at Lily before turning on the car.

‘Yes, Daddy.’ She beamed, having forgotten her earlier moroseness at not being able to spend the afternoon with Rhodri or meet Luke with Tom.

Tom smiled proudly as he drove into the flow of traffic. ‘I have this down.’

‘Yes, did so well.’ Alexianna smiled proudly. ‘Thank you, Tom. I appreciate it so much.’

‘I am glad to give you a hand, thank you for having faith in me.’

‘You don’t have to mind her tomorrow.’

‘I already made plans with Sarah. You’re not back until nearly six, we will have dinner there and everything.’ He smiled reassuringly.

‘Thank you.’ Alexianna mouthed, her eyes filled with tears at Tom’s allowing them to step forward more.

'And it prevents me coming across that man again.'

Alexianna laughed. 'Timothy is not to bad actually, from what I have gathered, it is his wife is the dose, she is dying for Rhodri to have acceptable friends.'

'Like Lils?'

'Lily scrapes acceptable, but only because of you, I am anything but acceptable. You, however, You are worthy.'

'I admitted I am not her biological father though.'

'You are famous and an ex-Etonian, that is all that matters, Mrs Ainsley is only interested in such things.'

'I see. Why do you want to allow such a child to your home so?'

'Because he is a sweet boy and Lily likes him.' Alexianna shrugged. 'I am not some classist cow, I don't care about who her friends are, they are four, it's not like they are going to convince her to do cocaine.'

Tom chucked. 'True.'

‘Daddy?’

‘Yes, Princess?’

‘You’re the best.’

‘Why’s that, Lils?’ Her mother asked, looking around at her.

‘Because some Daddies are the daddies that made the babies and they go away, but my dad didn’t make me and he is here being my daddy when he doesn’t have to, obviously.’ She explained nonchalantly as though it was the most obvious statement to ever be made, looking out the window of the moving car at the traffic, not realising she caused Tom to choke up at her innocent words.