#i wish my friends didn't have to go through hard shitty stuff. but when they do - because we all do sometimes - i am so thankful that

[coquelicoq]

incredibly moved whenever someone tells me that i'm an easy person to be around when they're going through some shit. there's nothing more sacred to me than sitting with someone through death and grief and loss, things that i can't fix or do anything about except be there and let them feel their feelings without having to pretend to be chipper or hopeful or cheeruppable. i can't pretend to feel what i don't feel, which makes me weird and awkward in so many interpersonal situations, but i think it's also what makes people feel comfortable sharing this stuff with me, because they know that i won't judge them and they don't have to perform for me. i feel so lucky when i can provide that for somebody. i wouldn't trade it for anything.

[divijohm]

Can you Do When Ben Drowned Comforts Suicidal Fem!S/O (Also If Anyone is Suicidal then I Felt Sorry for Them and I Wish I Could see People Have to Care for Them or Someone have to Call Suicidal Hotline So It will Helps Them, Seriously Don't do this IRL Otherwise Suicide is Tragic)

Ben comforting Suicidal s/o

A/n: As a person who tried to kill myself 3 times by pure rage and raw strength (unplanned) I'll base this in my experience. If you're passing through this thoughts please seek help the world isn't as shitty as media makes it look like, I recommend following @/jacobsimonsays on TikTok he tells daily good news about the world, also #hopecore is great it'll give you a lil more hope in humans ALSO step outside, even if it's just in your backyard take a little bit of sunlight, eat and drink, go for a walk, get a pet if you can, seriously it may sound dumb but as someone who's been there this helps lots. The pet specially is a great suicide prevention, you'll think of them when you're trying and (at least for me) it makes you stop, just remember to take care of the lil fella

TW: SUICIDE, (3) FAILED SUICIDE ATTEMPTS, SUICIDE IDEALISATION, PASSIVE SUICIDE

⚰️ He found you, rope attached to your neck, you weren't really up anything you're just going to pull the rope until you died. You were crying, but you weren't stopping anytime soon. You wanted it all to end, he had to call help because he couldn't get your grip out of the rope. You blacked out but other than that, and the rope bruise on your neck, you're fine

⚰️ then he found you, again, this time violently banging your head on the wall trying to crack your skull over he managed to make you stop voluntary, he did a quick bandage on your bleeding head but not much after that, he was worried of course but he didn't really knew how to best act in this situation so he just. Stayed there while you cried until you slept.

⚰️ The third time was what really got him, you're in the bathtub, you've used something that made your body limp, your head wasn't above water and your wrists where cut making the water a pretty light pink, he panicked so hard he couldn't help you nor get help. You're not moving, he thought you died he screamed so hard that he bleed out of his throat, someone else heard it and helped.

⚰️ "Why would you do that? Aren't you happy here? Don't you like my company? Have I done something? Is someone or something bothering you?" He asked after you finally woke up. You couldn't answer, you didn't know what was wrong, your life wasn't bad, you lived well, you had good friends, a good family, etc. Maybe you weren't cut out for this world. You couldn't answer so you cried, cried and cried some more he held you close the whole time.

⚰️ He never really asked why after that only time

⚰️ After that chat you stopped your attempts, for his sake and for the sake of your family, you would want your favorite family member and him to have to bury you, but that didn't mean you've stopped desiring death.

⚰️ You started acting more recklessly than your usual, they would notice if looked close enough, you started eating less and when you did it wasn't healthy, you've stopped looking to both sides when crossing the street, engaged more with potentially violent people, started drinking (more if you drunk already), etc

⚰️ no one seemed to notice, but Ben did, he was worried but didn't know how to approach the situation.

⚰️ After some research from his part he started taking care of you in subtle ways, taking you to those fancy healthy restaurants where there's all the junk food you like but they're made of healthy things, calling you to go to park dates so you can get sunlight and walk a bit, healthy things disguised as silly stuff

⚰️ You got a little bit better with all that, after all a healthy body is a healthy mind but still not good enough for Ben you were still acting too recklessly for his taste.

⚰️ He heard that pets help people's mental health so he got you a dog, a big one, think golden retriever or German Shepherd big. You love it.

⚰️ You're not in good health yet, you still have your super down days, but now you're better and the future looks a little bit brighter

[writtenbynath]

The hypno community and good behaviour

I came across a post here on tumblr and it kinda made me foam at the mouth, not in a good way, so let me just make a few points here.

It has come to my attention lately that many of the tists on tumblr are just not being shown the care and respect they deserve.  When subjects vanish without a word. It leaves tists to wonder what did I do wrong?, or what didn’t I do that maybe I should have?  This is most true of newbie tists, but none of them are immune.  Dear Tists/ Spiral Weavers, Faeries? Gods , when your subjects do not communicate there wishes with you, or put far less care into your well-being than their own they are undervaluing the relationship. A relationship is never ever solely one persons responsibility, so please don’t worry yourselves over those who have not put half as much care or thought in as you have.

Are you fucking kidding me? When a subject vanishes without a word, you done goofed, my friend. You did something to scare them off. You did something that made the subject want to never speak to you again. It's good to look inward and wonder what you've done wrong. That path leads to growth. Think long and hard about what you did that hurt them.

Get your act together. Treating your subject right is not rocket science. It's basic human decency. If you give the subject a nice positive experience, they come back for more. If you behave like a good person, they become your friend. If you're a dick to them, they leave. Plain and simple.

The second thing that really bothers me about the hypno-community is subs that claim to be traumatized by the smallest of things, especially when they do this falsely and/or publicly.  Yes hypnosis can be scary, and I’ve had a few experiences i did not enjoy.  Your tist is magical but also they’re not magical. They are not all-seeing, all-knowing. They cannot guess how you feel unless you communicate openly and honestly with them. And accidents happen. They happen all the time. Most commonly the number one thing that goes wrong for me is the motion sickness nausea effect, and there’s just stuff that unsettles me, but guess what? When that happens we go back and fix it. I’m going to apply a rule a Dom taught me here. It was actually about anal sex but it applies very well here too. We prepare as best we can that things are smooth and clean  but sometimes that is not the outcome. If you can’t deal with it being unpredictable, just don’t do it. It’s not for you.

Since fucking when are you the expert on when another person is traumatised? Maybe the subject didn't tell you that you hurt their feelings (their feelings! their! I know grammar is hard, but please!) because they kinda suspected you would belittle the problem and deny that you did anything wrong. Maybe they feared you wouldn't take their feedback seriously because you didn't take their wishes and boundaries seriously either. Maybe that's why they ghosted you.

It's hard to understand what happens when someone is truly traumatised or triggered, it's really hard to empathise if you've never been through that yourself. It's tiny little things that can set it off and that does not invalidate the realness of the trauma. The correct response is not to get defensive. It's to ask how you can help. It's to learn from it and do fucking better.

Are you seriously saying "hey, if a bad experience traumatised you, just go away, it's not for you" is that seriously your response when a person gets hurt? Fucking seriously? It really is no wonder our community is shitty if you can't even show an ounce of compassion for a person who feels hurt.

Online people behave badly. They behave in ways they would never behave in the real world.  Online is the place where you can show as much or as little of yourself as you want.  When you build relationships online they are real relationships.  When you indulge in hypnosis online, that is a relationship, and there is a code of basic honour and decency.

The absolute hypocrisy of saying this after this previous shit is galling. You know what happens the most in our online community? Shitty tists inboxing shitty scripts because they get off on control fantasies. Subjects who just want to get out of their own heads with some online trances getting stuck with suggestions and triggers they don't know how to remove. Subjects who just want to get their trance on but who can't find a decent hypnotist who will consider their needs.

I have zero sympathy for hypnotists complaining that subjects are not being nice to them.

[melrosing]

hi. we didn't interact before, but i've been following you for your asoaif takes for a good while now (your opinion is always treasured, it's kinda hard to find a good jaime poster, or at least i didn't have much luck).

when you first wrote about your dad's illness ngl my heart sank. it'll be 10 years this year since my mom passed from cancer, and knowing what you were about to go through, i wouldn't wish that on anybody. i didn't contact you then bc i didn't think it was my place to inquire or offer support. (maybe it isn't one now, then you can ignore all of this.)

what i wanted to say is - i am so sorry, it's such a relentless and unfair thing. the thing is that you think you'll be prepared - after all, children should bury their parents, it's the order of life and what not - and then you are not. it's such a profound state of emptiness and devastation, that i don't really know what to compare it to, i don't think it even can be compared. and the shitty thing is that you stay with this feeling for a long, long while. until it subsides, fortunately. but you can't get rid of it fully, i don't think. maybe it's a good thing, grief is a love not given, or how that saying goes.

i hope i won't sound parasocial and/or presumptuous (and if i do please forgive me, that was not my intention), but i hope you have a good support system to help you grief properly and you give yourself enough time to do it. your wellbeing should not come as a trade off for healing of others. on the same note, please don't apologise for posting whatever you want to post about your dad.

don't know how to finish this , but please, take care.

thank you so much for this message, I really really appreciate you taking the time to write this 🫂 and honestly it’s not presumptuous at all, I’ve sometimes felt like I’m kind of taking advantage of my lil fandom following to cry about this stuff on main but like…. idk the connection means a lot. I have great friends and family around me but sometimes hearing that someone you’ve never met before knows what this is like or hears what you’re saying?? that also means a lot. I don’t really know how to explain it exactly but it’s given me some clarity about all this.

but yeah apart from all that, cancer is a fucking beast and I’m so so sorry you lost your mum to it as well. losing a parent like this is such agony

[thelooniemoonie]

Look at how far we've come (Happy 25th birthday to me!)

I'm gonna put some of my thoughts under the cut here, so if you wanna hear me reflect or get personal for a second feel free to scroll past. (CW: mentions of suicide, and other dark topics)

I'm writing this the day or so before queuing this so by the time you read it it will be my birthday but I'm writing this on like. Wednesday

And...well? I guess I'm turning 25? I know it's technically a big milestone because it's like 25% through your life or whatever, but it feels....kinda weird? Like, "oh, I guess I'm turning 25."

I don't quite know how to explain how I'm feeling. It's not necessarily bad? I know we live in a world that puts a lot of unnecessary pressure on age and getting older, but i don't really care about that kinda stuff like getting grey hairs or wrinkles. But this is a new feeling.

It's more like....the feeling of realization once you reflect a bit. A lot of stuff has happened over the past few years, but once you actually turn and look back all of the events you lived through, you kinda realize how much you've grown. Going step by step, day by day, and only realizing once you turn around that you've climbed an entire mountain.

Back when I was 12 years old, I attempted to kill myself.

At the time, the future felt like a dark fog with nothing ahead in sight. I was living in dangerous abusive conditions with my father, severely depressed, and actively spiralling with my own identity, let alone my place in the world. The future was nonexistent.

Now...when I reflect back on that period of my life, it feels like worlds away now.

(Also don't worry if you're reading this and feel concern for me, I haven't felt any suicidal feelings in practically a decade now. I'm sure as hard things may seem sometimes, I genuinely am miles away from that headspace and do not intend to hurt myself in any way.)

It's kinda weird knowing back when I was younger (which isn't that long ago, to be fair) that I already felt like my life was over. Like I just wasn't gonna get into university, I was gonna drop out, I'm gonna have to navigate the entire trajectory of my life in that deep fog.....

.....and now realizing where I am? It's weird. Like I didn't plan for any of this. I should be dead. I'm just winging this entire thing.

But.... it's also realizing that I'm gonna be fine.

To be perfectly honest, this year has been kinda rough for me. While I don't talk about my personal life too much on here I was pretty miserable the first 4 months due to getting screwed over during the start of my Masters, plus not seeing my irl friends for a while hasn't been ideal either. (I also feel kinda shitty complaining about these things in general, as I'm well aware these kinds of opportunities are things not everyone is able to get, and I know there's friends and others that have it worse off than me, so I just kinda keep that shit to myself)

But I've also come a long way haven't I? I've managed to graduate in the middle of a pandemic, managed to land a job helping the covid pandemic in my province, got my drivers licence, made memories with the ones I love and meeting new people, slowly becoming more independent and now doing climate change research for my Masters degree? It's...something.

It's kinda the feeling of your world being very small, like a tiny space where the fog obscures anything outside your view, and slowly it fading away and your world getting bigger. Like sure I can't 100% see the future, but it's important to reflect on knowing what that world was like before.

I wish I had something poetic here or a message or life lesson to articulate my thoughts. But that doesn't really work here. (I'm also being careful to focus on positive aspects of my life here, as it wouldn't really be great to focus on the more negative aspects, like that time I almost died again (this time not on purpose, I promise) in a car crash in 2020 or a really bad breakup I had with a group of friends. But I suppose that's just life, isn't it? You really get a wide variety of experiences, good or bad)

I can't really say my life is 100% improved at this point either, things still aren't perfect as I'm still living with my mom, a closeted queer, and I'm sure there's a lot that I still need to learn and considering, the uh, well (vaguely gestures at all the current events going on right now) stuff....going on........there's still a lot of work to be done.

Dandelions in the spring. A shining moon on a dark night. The first seedling after a forest fire. Fading scars. Light from a birthday candle held in your hands, carrying wishes in the wind long after they burn out.

Hope, I guess.

Anyway if you read this far here's my official adult™ tips from my experience:

If you wear jewellery that tarnishes quickly line a bowl with tinfoil shiny side up, place jewellery in the bowl with equal parts baking soda and salt, and pour boiling water over everything and leave for 5 minutes

Invest in a cushion that supports your tailbone. You have no idea how many office chairs have shit ergonomic design.

[shaperaverse-brainrot]

@lekreb thank you so much for the procrastination support

First impression

I loved her. I didn't know how to say her name properly and was trying very hard to ramble about her to one of my friends the morning after the postie war act two premiere. My first impression can basically be summed up by:

Impression Now

Tbh I've only grown to love her more. I wish I could say more but I've rambled so much about her on this blog I'd be repeating the same things for a hundred times.

Favourite moment

Am I allowed to say postie war acts 2-6 or is that too broad?

A New Dream in postie war act three is so precious to me. Marjolein learning how being a postie works, being curious yet also completely confused, HOW AWKWARD SHE IS WHEN SHE MEETS SARAH like "hi I'm Marjolein" when Raven then goes on about what posties are I cringe so hard oh Marjolein I love you-

Favourite oddly specific moment is her meeting Mucklepuck for the first time. I don't think I need to explain why.

Idea for a story

I am going to cheat a little and combine idea for a story and favourite headcanons into one answer I really apologise :(

Unpopular Opinion

I have to admit i am not the biggest fan of Marjolein forgetting Lloyd during her time in the hellscape. I rambled a lot about how I wasn't the biggest fan of how much the cabaret brought in linear time in a Raven ask I just finished writing, but this was just the icing on the top for me tbh.

Like!! I think she should have interesting feelings about Lloyd!! He viewed her as a daughter and only voiced that opinion when she offered to sacrifice herself for them and "was of use"!!! Talk about generational cycles of shitty parenting!! But the idea that she's just... Forgotten almost entirely? That it's almost as if the relationship she built with them in postie war didn't matter?? That the thing she remembers isn't the advice or the time spent or even the adventures, but vague recollections of what he looks like?

And then of course there's Lloyd wanting to rekindle their relationship only to turn around and say he's leaving in a year I do not like that either

Favourite relationship

I know I ramble about Marjolein and Sarah a lot, but I think it has to be Marjolein and Jill. The way Jill feeds into Marjolein's gaining confidence storyline and Marjolein feeds into Jill yearning for people to see her as her and not a "manic pixie dreamgirl" larger than life person? Yeah. Just yeah. I will cut myself off here so I don't ramble for paragraphs upon paragraphs.

Favourite headcanons/Idea for a story

Demon queen Marjolein. I've rambled about this on discord before but the idea that Marjolein accidentally became a demon queen while she was in the hellscape, either through a weird situationship with Mistress or because the demons looked at her and thought "yup. We want her to lead us now." And then when they're all rescued she just drops "oh yeah I'm officially a demon queen btw" on the rest of the posties-

As for idea for a story, a kinda rewrite of postie cabaret. Marjolein is in her whole demon queen thing, Jill also helps out a lot with magic and advising and stuff, and they get approached by Crispy and Toasty and Mistress panicked because "there's a bunch of people out to attack us and try and take you away!!". And it's a big comedy of errors where Jill and Marjolein help defend the hellscape from the postie "invaders" who are trying to rescue them from the hellscape.

[heartshattering]

Sleep got a little messed up, I couldn't fall asleep last night even after winding down... then a med I took in the afternoon made me drowsy and I accidentally slept until 9 PM. At least I slept through my parents' friend's visit so I didn't have to interact with them but now I'm awake and having to deal with nighttime anxiety. I feel like I won't feel sleepy until much later and idk what to do with all the hours until then because my motivation is so low and I still feel tired even though I'm not sleepy. I'm not in the mood to do anything, not a bad mood but just a lazy mood where even things like talking to people feel like they'll take too much effort.

I just wish I could be a healthy person who could stick to a healthy schedule and live life in a normal, healthy way... I'm sure I'll bounce back eventually but it still discourages me when my schedule gets thrown off by something. Stuff that comes so easy to other people feels like it's too hard for me, again I'm sure it's just a bump in the road and that I'll bounce back again once I get a few nights in a row of "normal" sleep, maybe I do need to develop more of a schedule for myself. But I also hate getting frustrated with myself and not knowing how I "should" live. The days just blur together from being inside all the time.

I've also been a little worried about things like my stomach symptoms and other health issues, and feeling frustrated that there's no answers yet since my third bacteria test was negative. I already know I'm not really going to go anywhere or do anything with my life but it's still depressing. Like if some miracle happened and I could somehow get away from home, I'd still be stuck with my shitty health issues. Idk, I'm just feeling like everything is always going to take way more effort for me than for normal people... not like I didn't know that already but it still sucks.

[inklore]

hi lauren. i was the anon before that asked if you were ok with answering writing advice. lately i've been dealing with a lot of self doubt with my writing. and as much as i hate to say it, the amount of reactions i get on here has been making me think i'm just shitty at writing. do you have any advice to combat writing insecurities like this?

hi darling, i hope you're well and hydrated <3

and i want to first start off by saying that every writer goes through this, even published authors have self doubt and struggle just as this. i go through this, i'm currently going through this. it's hard to combat especially if you're dealing with it alone. it's always nice to have friends and followers and mutuals to help combat these feelings. but sometimes not even that can kick the self doubt in the ass.

with that said i don't think there's a 'fix all' for this. there's things you can do to kick it to the curb and push through, but just remember this is all a part of being a creative being. we hold ourselves to high standards because we know we can create great things, we have before. and it's hard. not everyone is blessed with the ability to create, whether that's writing, art, designing damn buildings. so just know you're absolutely amazing and talented for writing at all. writing good, writing bad, it's all writing, creating, and that's fucking amazing!!!

NOTES DO NOT EQUAL TALENT!!!!

COMMENTS DO NOT EQUAL TALENT!!!

REBLOGS DO NOT EQUAL TALENT!!!

i've seen fics on here that are not ones i enjoy, i don't click with the writing, the prose, what have you, but the note count will still be high. the interactions amazing and i think: damn am i the problem? and no i'm not. people like what they like. just because i thought the story was meh does not mean every one does. just as the four mutuals who read my stuff and interact with it NOT interacting with certain stories of mine because it's not their cup of tea, does not make them bad or mean i wrote something bad.

every pot has a lid and sometimes you ain't that lid. it's a tough reality you gotta face sometimes, BUT IT DOESN'T MEAN YOU'RE A BAD WRITER OR ANYONE IS BETTER THAN YOU ON HERE.

do not compare yourself to ANYONE on here. we ain't stephen king. idc if this other author has 5k notes on each fic, has turned one of them into a published story: NO ONE IS BETTER THAN ANYONE ON HERE. do not compare your talent and story telling to anyone else's because it's only going to make YOU miserable. why be miserable when you can be writing stories YOU love? for YOUR friends, followers, mutuals, FOR YOURSELF. life is too short to keep that negative mindset. so ignore it (harsh but you gotta if you wanna create bby).

there is no easy or simple way to get notes or interaction. i can post in fandom A and get a lot of traction, but if i post in fandom B i get barely 100 notes. there's new people who gain traction so easily, there's accounts who constantly have interaction but then they write for a different fandom and that traction goes away. it's literally a yoyo effect on here, you never know if somethings going to be up or down, if this will work or if people won't be interested in the way you wish, hope. we can't fix that. hate to say it but we can't. it's the reality of being on this site.

it's something you gotta know does not = your talent. does not determine your talent.

people who say 'write for yourself' mean well, and yes i do think at the end of the day no matter what you're writing it is self indulgent; we post for people to see. if we didn't want people to see our writing we would leave it in the drafts or get a diary. our work is NOT just for ourselves. we want others to enjoy these little headcanons and prose and what we made. and that's beautiful, amazing, the best thing about creating. and it feels like crap when we get 2-100 notes at most. but it doesn't mean what you're writing is bad. that you have no talent.

and as hard as it is you gotta keep writing, babes. don't let anything stop you from doing what makes you happy, from your passion and creating. it's so so fucking hard. but you gotta find the joy somewhere in it or you'll only feel negative feelings when it comes to writing.

so ignore the notes, ignore the ghost readers, ignore the popular accounts who act like it's all sooooo easy, hell ignore the paragraph where i talked about people liking this that who they whatever!!! remember why you started writing in the first place. make friends, mutuals, people who understand this feeling. support each other. talk it through with them. scream into a damn pillow if you need to. but don't let anything take away this blessing of being able to create, to write and share your stories.

there will be good and bad days on here, there will be writers who annoy you and make you feel like shit. but there's also good on here. good people. good stories that YOU are helping to create. curate a safe space for you to write and feel amazing about it <3

some more advice after ranting:

block anyone who makes you feel bad/jealous/any negative way about your own writing. if they get butt hurt over it that's on them. it's not personal, you're protecting your own mental health, love.

read every. single. story. you've ever written that, while writing it, made you feel proud or reminded you 'oh yeah this is why i like writing'

make friends!! this can be hard but trust me you'll find your people, and if you haven't yet hi i'll be one of your people!!! <3

make a playlist that boosts your creativity and listen to it while writing or to get yourself in the mood for writing. happy, sappy songs that make you smile and cheer and swoon when you think about writing scenes to them.

rejection is a part of writing, even fanfic, and you gotta accept and ignore it. be like 'oh ok' and move on to the next thing or you'll be in the same spot and it'll take longer to get out of it.

can't write? feeling like shit over it? watch a favorite movie, ya know the one that has you kicking your feet and twirling your hair or makes you laugh until you cry, or cry like a baby because it's so emotional: WATCH IT!!!

writing in the bathtub feels amazing. try it. that is all.

you could be the next stephen king but you're not right now so stop putting so much pressure on yourself to BE something. just write what makes you giddy and happy and smile or clutch them pearls because it's filthy as hell.

dance! put on some playlist and just move your damn body. literally make yourself sweat and gasp for air, you'll release endorphins AND your brain will be too distracted to make you think of negative stuff. or workout if you like that kinda thing lol.

go for a walk, write somewhere new, by yourself a yummy little beverage because you deserve it <3

read physical books. please please pleaseeeee don't JUST read fanfic. not to say it's bad to only read it. but consuming published literature actually helps in growing your trade and it's an amazing habit to get into to help combat a lot of mental health issues (personally for me at least).

selfcare days work better than you think. eat junk food (unless that makes you feel worse then stay away from triggering foods), watch comfort shows, face mask it up, paint your nails, draw, color, knit, reorganize your room, whatever gives you joy do it for a whole day. don't talk to anyone. just be with yourself and remind yourself that yeah life doesn't always suck. or if you hate doing stuff alone call a friend and have a selfcare day together (or in person).

read the struggles from published authors. look up how they got through the self doubt. know that you're not alone.

you could also, with the previous point in mind, look up their writing routine and challenge yourself to do it for a couple days, a week, whatever. it'll be fun!

post the fic. close the app. do something else. don't look at the notes when replying to those who comment or rb. literally do not let your eyes look at that stupid irrelevant number. or hell, even post and then forget about it and move on to the next thing. queue reminder reblogs for your followers, but forget about the fic for a day or two and then reply to interactions. no interactions? sad, annoying, but let's write the next one love. let's keep that writing high going!!! maybe the next one will be the one everyone goes gaga for, or maybe it won't, but hey we are literally growing with our writing and creating and those who do enjoy it are screaming from all these posts!!!

take breaks!!!! write for three days and then don't. or write for a week and then don't for a week. breaks = rest. rest = a fresher mind.

tumblr is nothing in the grand scheme of life bby, but the art you make and post and share and take your time to give yourself and whomever else see's it, IS EVERYTHING. notes don't pay the bills. they give us joy. but NEVER let them take away the joy or happiness. because it's NOT THE NOTES that keep you writing, creating. it's that little beautiful creative mind of yours <3

[gyu-dloml]

To Wonu, who's my sun, moon and all the stars ☆

Jeon Wonwoo. How are you so calm? Maybe you're not. Maybe you're just lazy and very unbothered. But I like to think you're calm. Calm like the sunrise. I've always thought sunsets were blazing and distracting. So you're like sunrises Wonu. Beautiful, still and peaceful to look at.

But when the sun is rising, it emits so much heat and scientific stuff when you look closer. But we don't see it. You don't let us see, Wonu. And for that I think you're incredibly strong. And it is very selfish but I'm glad, glad that you've been a constant and a pillar for a year and more of my life. Although I hope you have someone to lean on too sometimes, and I'm sure you do, it's the least what the world could give you.

Realistically speaking, I can't really give you anything. Nothing even close to the comfort and love that you and your members have always given me. Yes, some might argue that I could give my love. And trust me when I say this, seventeen already has all of it. But the love my clenched fist sized heart could give won't be enough, would it?

Wonu you're also the moon, like everyone says. You're my favorite thing in the sky. Tonight as I was trying to see the moon, I realized I can't see it properly, that's because I didn't have my glasses on. I still couldn't see it with clarity with my glasses too :( Well, that's a depressing story for another time, we're getting off topic.

You don't really need me to say anything. I don't even think I'm entitled to say anything, but something I'm sure of is that, you're a great son. I'm sure you always have been and always will be. Not only that, but you're also a great friend, a great idol and a great everything actually. You're also such a smart-ass. I always say it, but I mean it everytime that I hope you receive all the happiness and love that the world and I can give. It's impossible to always smile but I hope you smile more than anything else.

Oh my lovely Wonu, where would we be without you? I don't know and I don't want to know. So I'm ending this although I feel like I could say more. But you're not a sappy guy who'd like to hear me rant about how much I adore and admire you. So I'll shut up and try to keep this overflowing love contained all in my relatively little body. (Just kidding, I know our Wonu is very kind and would let me chew his ear off.)

Thank you and I love you Wonu <3 Please take care and do whatever makes you happy. You make me happy and giddy. I cry when you do, I'm a sensitive human :') You guys have always kept your promise - we cry together, we smile together.

Sincerely, with all my love,

Tia :3

To be honest, the feelings were very different than what I've written before for the other members. I wrote every members letter (or whatever this is) feeling very love sick kinda and admiring. But Wonu's was something else, I can't even find the word to explain it. I genuinely just hope in my heart that the world makes him happy. And it may be because of certain events that have made me view him in different light. A lot of us have faced loss, and so have I so it just feels like I want to give comfort to whoevers gone through what I have. If you've been having a rough time lately, although it's a shitty thing to say - this time will pass and you will heal. I wouldn't say this if I hadn't experienced it myself. So to my lovely peeps reading this, thank you so much for coming this far. I wish the best for you and trust me, happiness finds it's way. Keep holding on to that strong person you are, for Wonu. It's going to be very hard but it's nothing you beautiful being can't handle. Take care and eat well, my loves! Until next time <3

[heyharoldsboo]

I went to an art school for high school. Everyone was smoking, drinking, doing drugs, having parties, and liking and sharing the weirdest and most alternative stuff we could find. None of that is out of the norm. Also, I'm educated now but when I when I look back at how I was as a teenager I was ABSOLUTELY stupid as hell. Like, I did shit that would make me HARD cringe today. My opinions, my stupid little dramas, shit that happened with my friends, mistakes I made, the stuff i was into - plus I definitely thought I was so edgy and unique like so many teens do. 😂 But we all grow and change and mature! I'm not crucifying someone for being a regular teenager. If people went into YOUR instagram likes, 100% they'd find something to complain about that you think is not problematic at all. If people went back through all YOUR DM's from years ago I bet they'd find shit that you wished you hadn't typed. That's life. But it's not a fucking crime. We've gone from "HE'S A RAPIST HE HAS MULTIPLE VICTIMS" to "OKAY WELL MAYBE HE DIDN'T RAPE OR SA ANYONE BUT HE'S STILL NOT THE MOST PERFECT PERSON TO EVER EXIST SO FUCK THIS GUY HE SHOULD BE ARRESTED" like do people hear themselves??? Y'all living in glass houses!!

I majored in Sociology in uni with a minor in cultural anthropology. I could tell stories that would have me linched here. I have said many times: if people went through my stuff the way they're going through Percy's? They'd find so so much shit I'm not proud of. I've been given the chance to make mistakes, and to grow. I'm more educated now than I have ever been in my life. Every single one of us is more educated now than they were 2 or 3 years ago, because we grow and change as people.

If people want to think he is a bad person and you don't want him as a role model for yourself or your kids or the next generation or I don't know, I really don't care, it's their prerrogative. But I won't stand for people trying to put being a shitty teen on the same level as being a SA or a r*pist.

Thank you anon. For opening up about your experience and for not letting people equal being a shitty teen to being a criminal.

[the-iceni-bitch]

okay so, first of all, i want to say I'm sorry, I didn't know you were going through shit all this time, and hurting your feelings was truly not my intention. I really mean my apology. I never meant to kill your muse either.

second, I truly meant that I love your work and your writing and that series, I wasn't trying to sugar coat anything by saying that. and I agree that writers don't owe us anything and are rather doing us a favor by sharing content for free. I've been a fan of yours ever since I found out about you, interacted with you on anon, reblogged your fics as well and I think it's only fair to do that for the time you take out to write fics for us, and I swear, hurting you was not my intention. I should've known that you might not like an ask like that. you decide what to do with your series, and how to write it. you do you ❤️

honestly, I'm surprised at the comments wishing me a shitty month ahead and people calling me a bitch, a cunt, entitled and whatnot. as long as i was supporting you and all of the other writers in the comments, and dropping lovely comments on their fics, i was a nice person. but for once when I said how i felt about a fic, I got all that hate. imo, when people create content, they need to be prepared to receive criticism along with appreciation, they both come hand in hand, they can't ask for appreciation alone. please understand, that i know the difference between criticizing and hating or bullying someone. I didn't mean to come off as hateful or rude or entitled, but I get it that you never asked for criticism, and I shouldn't have given that, especially since it wasn't constructive criticism. I'm no writer myself and I failed to provide a solution with the criticism, sorry.

and people who want a reason to hate will hate this ask as well, they'll call me names and find a problem with this as well.

thank you for everyone who wished for a shitty month for me and everyone who called me names. i hope you all have a great month ahead, and sending you all a hug 🫂

Listen, I do feel bad about how aggressive my answer to your last ask was, and for the name calling on my part, so I want to apologize for that portion of it. I do stand by the overall message I conveyed, but it could have been done in a softer way. I’m not going to apologize for all the other authors, because I did set the tone of the post, and I also don’t believe in censoring other people’s emotions, and I think the notes on the answer provide a little bit of context for how the writing community on tumblr is getting constantly bombarded by criticism they did not solicit.

The reason you didn’t know about the stuff I was going through is because I try to keep this place fun and light, and honestly when I’m having a tough time, I prefer to privately reach out to friends and mutuals to get through it rather than broadcast it to the masses. But that’s another reason why everyone should consider how something they plan on sending could come off, because so many of us don’t share all of our lives here, and you never know what someone else is going through.

I do appreciate that you love my work, and the point of my last answer wasn’t that you need to love every part of it. You are welcome to skip whatever parts of it you want to, and if something doesn’t resonate with you for whatever reason, that’s okay. But once something is posted, that’s kind of it. I’m not going to go back and make changes, so unless I have explicitly asked for criticism, it is going to come off as unwelcome, no matter the context.

And I’m going to ask you this because I am genuinely curious: what were you hoping to accomplish with your previous ask? It’s very hard for me to come up with a scenario where that wouldn’t have been poorly received, but I’m on the other side of it. So I really would like to know what the overall intention of the ask was.

Wishing you a good day, and I do appreciate you reaching out again, because you didn’t have to do that and I know it was hard with the response you got.

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

i need reassurance on this one, and tw for hallucinations, kinda intrusive thoughts(?) and loads of shitty things that kept on happening

I've been through a lot of shits in these past few months, and i swear to god it kept getting worser. I don't feel safe anymore in my own house, i had trouble sleeping, focus, and literally handling my own panic attack.

I just want all of these stuff to stop happening, my hallucinations even got worser day by day cause of those horrifying shits. I don't wanna see those stuff anymore, or went back to that place anymore, i don't want it and i'm sick of these feelings. It felt like those events were happening again even tho nothing happened in real life, obviously no one fucking feel it except for me cause i was the one who's experiencing it. Plus these voices that told me another horrifying shits? (like the possibility of any little things could ruin everything or even cause a literal apocalypse wtf) It's a literal living hell. I just wanted to live my life normally is it really hard to ask for?

I had friends who i dearly cared, for finally i had friends! But this? When i went back from uni i got...these??? Mostly it's about my grandma's sis, no one was/were willing to take care of her and she's so goddamn arrogant to other people, don't even get me started with her son he clearly didn't care for her anymore. BUT that's THEIR shits not my family's! Ofcourseeee we care about her but it's been fucking months and even my fam were so done at her and her son at this point, and because of her condition she'd have to get to the hospital like really often.

I had to rush her to the hospital when i was home alone and god that traumatized me so much, like ffs i'd rather be killed instead of living in that exact moment

I wanted to be angry but i couldn't and when i talked abt my feelings my mom only told me to accept all of this....

It's like i'm still processing and i couldn't do it because the pressure of "accepting" all of these so quickly...

i just want them to stop but obviously i can't control them, and yeah there are things that i couldn't control but this is too much. I wish i could but the hell can i do i'm just a kid.....

Hi anon,

I'm so sorry about what you've been going through. I can see that you're going through a lot right now and you're struggling. Please know that you're not alone.

It's okay to take your time processing your experiences, and no one should make you feel rushed, including your mom. It sounds dismissive and minimizing of her to tell you to just accept it, when it's very jarring and traumatizing. I wish your mom were more considerate about the fact that this was quite an upsetting experience for you, and understandably so.

It's okay to be angry. It's okay to feel however you need or want to feel about what happened. Part of processing what you went through is processing those emotions. Healing from trauma is done at your own pace. Please know that healing isn't linear, and so there may be some rough patches along the way, though it's still worth it.

I'm sorry that you experience hallucinations and flashbacks. These things can definitely be terrifying to go through. Please know that there are resources available to help you through these things. Here is a list of coping strategies for hallucinations, and here is a PDF on coping with flashbacks.

If your school has counseling services, it may help to reach out to them and talk about what you're experiencing and going through. As professionals they may be able to help you further.

I hope I could help. Please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[spirituallyyellow]

16/5/24

Not long after I intended to kill myself, I suddenly got slightly flooded with messages from people I hadn't spoken to in ages. A friend who lives up north, a friend who lives in the East Midlands, and my best friend from uni, all separately reached out to me within a week of each other, about two weeks after I was going to try to kill myself.

(Side note: I'm not sure whether to think of that day as a suicide attempt or not - I don't know if there's, like, suicide gatekeepers, but it wasn't like I had to be emergency hospitalised, you know? Nobody grabbed me off the side of a bridge. But at the same time, I know that I went with intent. I don't know. I don't know why this label matters to me.)

Anyway, R from uni messaged me out of the blue being like, "I blame you for my Electric Callboy obsession. Also, have you ever had haemorrhoids, because I can't sit down" and when I saw the text - the first time I'd heard from him in two years! - I burst out laughing, properly, for the first time since everything. It was nice to feel like something was still the same.

He doesn't know, and I don't know if I'll tell him. None of those friends who reached out (and I am reasonably certain that this was a nudge from God situation) know and it feels like a lot to tell someone. I told a different friend recently and I had one of the worst panic attacks I've had in a long time after. I was in just incredible pain all day from it. I have to admit I'm not in a hurry to experience that again.

I don't know why what happened with my cousin has been on my mind so much recently. I've been thinking about it a lot and I wish I wasn't. It doesn't feel like a "dwelling on things" kind of feeling, it feels like it just keeps popping up and I don't know what to do with the thoughts. I don't like them, but I don't want to push them down, but I don't want to think them either.

I would probably tell a client to just let the thoughts come and pass, breathe through it, acknowledge the pain and anger and sadness, and then refocus on the present moment. Because I'm a really good therapist, but a really shitty client.

Pam just messaged me with a huge list of Christian metal for me to listen to on my secular music fast. She texted me with one song, randomly, and I said, "oh, good timing - I'm just starting a secular music fast and most of my Christian music is stuck in 2004" - so she got a list of Christian metal recs from her husband for me.

My music that I already had wasn't doing it for me - I need intensity in music right now and that's hard to find in Christian stuff. There's better secular metal, but there's also worse, and this feels OK.

Yeah. All those messages made me feel really held, I guess. By God, I mean. Like he knows what I need and will give it to me even when I didn't know to ask for it.

[moodywyrm]

hi bb:( im sorry i havent been so active </3 im going through the wringer rn man ! i have like 10 new discovered allergies (thats not even an exaggeration i literally counted and its ten :( ) and my pharmacy ran out of my daily baby eviction pill so im cramping and stuff 24/7 this is not okay im gonna sue my body. i promise ill try and be more active soon, im just tryna get back in the swing of things again:( once i get back on my meds and fix my sleep+eating stuff i should be good !!! and active again !!! i have been lurking and reading ur stuff because yes <33

how was renfair ??!! and what did u wearrr !! i wanted to go to the one here this year but again , sick , so i couldn't , but thats okay because the fair is soonnnn yayyyy !! andd any more bus girl ??!! i feel like ive missed a lot , feel free to update me if u wish !!<3 missed u bunches <3

-🧸

aw baby you never have to apologize! especially when it's a medical reason! you always have a spot here for as long as you want it <3 take as long as you need, I don't want you to overwork yourself for me. also it blows so hard that you can't get your baby eviction pill :( I didn't even know you could cramp up if you go off it , that's so shitty </3 I'll wait as long as you need baby, but if you ever wanna vent or ramble I'm always here <3 you deserve to take care of yourself without worrying about other people

renfair was really fun!! I wore an ankle length black skirt + a sheer brown long sleeve top with a black corset top over it and then my big dark grey knit cardigan, plus I put boot charms on my docs! and I had some extra chain for a glasses chain <3 i looked cute for like two seconds and then I got really sweaty n overstimulated </3 my friend still hasn't sent the photos she took of me </3 a fair!! I hope you get to go to the fair!! and no bus girl aside from last Thursday where I epically failed and didn't talk to her </3 and I felt super ugly so it was a bad time to see her </3

I missed you too baby, take your time <3

[antonhousehold]

so let's love

summary: sometimes, katsuki let his insecurities get the best of him. and sometimes, you get hurt because of that.

song: so let's love - day6 (click the song, its totally worth it!)

warning: angst. bakugou being toxic. reader is touch starved. yelling and cursing. insecurities. reader is in love with bakugou but he's afraid!! no fluff end!

reader: gn!neutral (or i tried to be neutral!)

note: this is my first time writing angst, so im sorry if is shitty. also, i would like to let know that english is not my first language, so im sorry if i messed up with the grammar and stuff like that!

loving bakugou was kinda... hard.

sometimes he's sweet in his own way. you remember the times when you fell asleep in his arms. the way his heart almost ran away from his chest. the warmth of his body against yours. it was simply beautiful.

he was beautiful.

everything started when you met him in that street. the sky was pouring and some thunders were lightning up the clouds. the city was dark and the stars were the only ones in the scene. he was smoking a cigarette and the smell of the tabaco and the rain was a very unique fragrance to you. you tried to cover him from the rain with your umbrella. gladly, he didn't stop you.

«have I seen you before?» you asked. those vermillion eyes were as deep as the ocean.

«i think so, [name]»

you remember the first time he asked you out in a date. it was simple but nice. just like him.

you remember the times when you were with with him in highschool. the way his words were harsh towards everyone. you thought he overcome that.

«i told you before, dumbass. i can't stand when you touch me like that in public! it makes me look fucking weak!»

we sometimes fight, and get hurt by each other's sharp words

«i didn't even hug you! i just leaned on your body. i can't help it, I'm your partner!»

«my partner would fucking understand and respect my boundaries! or are you too dumb to actually get it?! »

and you tried to be understanding about him. you tried to give him the space he need it. you stopped showing affection towards him in public. it was kinda hard, but if this was the best way to keep him happy and comfortable, you were completely down for it.

then, in your shared apartment, he started to accept your love. you believed in the soft kisses, the hugs, and the fuzzy feeling of his words in your heart. You wanted to believe in the memories of happiness and beautiful moments that you locked in your mind. the promises and the not so often sweet words. it made you feel special. he always made you feel special, or that's what you wanted to believe.

i can't possibly erase all the wounds you left in me

everything was going on very well, at least at the beginning. until those ethereal moments started to get serious. katsuki realized how much in love he was with you. how his heart almost ran away from his chest every time you looked at him.

it was overwhelming.

so he started panicking. you were just too good to be with him. he didn't feel worthy of your love. why would you even love someone like him?

i'm too afraid that you might leave me

«hey katsu, wanna shower together? i thought it was a good idea since both of us are exhausted»

«shower first. i'm not joining»

sometimes, he just didn't even consider your dates or plans with him. every time was the same. 'i have stuff to do, maybe tomorrow', 'i need to study for this test, i'm not gonna throw my career just for you'

you just wanted a little bit of his love.

you know me, please hold my unstable heart

«can you stop looking me like that? it's giving me goosebumps»

«i'm sorry»

it was hard to him as well. every time he saw your disappointed face and the teary eyes of you, his heart sinks. he didn't want to hurt you, but the feeling of loving you were scarier than hurting your feelings.

saying harsh words was so much easier than accepting the fact that he was feeling vulnerable when you were with him.

«i'm not gonna go to that shitty party. go by yourself»

«it's going to be so much fun! come on, grandpa!» you tried to play it cool. you just wanted a little of him.

«are you deaf? im not fucking going. i have stuff way more important than getting drunk with you»

i want your love, please love me. that's all i wish for

«why the fuck are you so clingy around him?!! do you like him or what?!» he asked once you walked through the door.

«what? what are you talking about?»

«don't play dumb with me. answer the fucking question!»

«i don't even know what are you talking about?!» his eyes were staring at you so furiously, that you even felt the goosebumps in your skin. bakugou always looked scary when he was this mad.

«i'm talking about that shitty extra!» he pulled out his phone and let you see the bright photos of the party night that was all over his social media.

even one word, i need to say it carefully. even this sentence with a trembling heart..

in fact, you were with that green haired boy, hugging him and smiling so softly that bakugou wanted to throw up. it was totally disgusting. 'how can they be so lovey dovey with that piece of shit and bitching all the time with me?'

«why are so mad about it? you hate when i touch you or kiss you, then why are you so obsessed when i show affection towards someone else?!» this whole situation was getting on your nerves. it was hard to keep a conversation about this with him, because he'd always yell the same thing about you.

«because you're my fucking partner!! i didn't expect you to be such a whore just for a damn hug!»

his words got stuck in your head as he started walking near you, just to look at your eyes with those deep vermillion eyes. for a moment, you thought he wanted to cried, but his screams blinded his emotions.

his scent stills reminds you fo cigarettes and rainy days. thunders and fire. it was hard to keep all those emotions in your chest.

i thought we were still fine, but i was wrong

«what the fuck is wrong with you, bakugou?!! you don't want me to even look at you but you get jealous when i have a good time with my friends. what the fuck do you want from me??!» you tried to fight the urge of crying. your eyes were begging to let them cry, but the knot in your throat was suffocating you at this point.

«i want you to fucking LEAVE! i'm so done with this shit. i can't stand you anymore. i don't want your shitty 'affection'» he yelled. you jump in your place of how unexpected his words came out. «i don't think i ever loved you! you're so fucking annoying with the same shit. 'please katsuki, love me please' so damn annoying. you wanna know what?! nobody wants your fucking affection, not even me, get over it!!»

we were shaking as much as we could. we were getting that cold

the words he said, the way he screamed, everything felt so out of him.

you felt your hot tears walking down your face so painfully. even felt your blood run cold against your skin. there's no way he was your boyfriend. katsuki was a jerk, totally, but he would never hurt you like that. he's not your katsuki. something happened to him.

you tried so hard to believe that he didn't mean those things. you thought it was just another fight, that tomorrow everything will be normal again. nothing changed, it wasn't real.

«i-i know you didn't mean it»

«i did. fucking leave. take your shit out of here soon»

i'm incomplete. i'm only complete with you

you know me so please, hold my unstable heart

«this is my apartment too»

«then i'll leave! throw all my stuff. enjoy your apartment, you can be free again»

he walked to the door with his phone and wallet, leaving the place with a heavy silent. you stared at the door, expecting to see him trying to apologize, but that didn't happen. you even imagined everything was a really mean joke, that he didn't mean something like that. you can't lie of loving someone for almost six months.

you tried so hard to keep him happy. you tried everything, but at the end, he didn't even love you as much as you did. all your wishes were just a pure thought of hope. it wasn't real. you just wanted a little of his love.

a last kiss.

a last hug.

a last minute of his life.

i want your love, please love me. that's all i wish for

so let's love more in the future

[donutloverxo]

Princess

Please note that my stories are not to be stolen or reposted on any other site. Reblogs and welcome and much appreciated. This blog and this story is 18+. Do not read, follow or interact if you are not 18+. Please🙏🙏

Based on a request. Dividers by @whimsicalrogers.

Summary - Your pussy is sore so Curtis uses your mouth.

Warnings - explicit sexual content (m/f) , age gap (reader is in her early twenties, Curtis is 34), innocent/naive reader, dub con, oral (m receiving), soft dark!Curtis, au, porn without plot.

Pairing - Curtis Everett x reader

Word count - 2k

You were jerked away when you heard the knob to your room on the snowpiercer rattling, and then being closed as his footsteps followed.

You didn't remember a lot before the train, you were just a kid when the old world came to an end. 

You saw glimpses of grass and sunlight in your dreams, you weren't sure if they were dreams or just fragments of your imagination. 

But even in your wildest dreams, you didn't imagine a bed this soft and a room this big. Big enough to fit the bed and two dressers and a large mirror. It was decadent and all you could wish for and more. 

So it should make you happy to be here. In a comfortable bed like a princess. Shouldn't it? 

It didn't. You wanted to enjoy this time while it lasted, but your gut told you that you were temporary. Just here to warm the leaders bed. 

"Curtis…" your face heating up as he studied you, his powder blue eyes twinkling in the dim light, getting rid of his coat and cap. Goosbumps erupted all over your body as you held your soft comforter upto your chest,to give you some sense of modesty and dignity even if Curtis had taken it all from you and made you a woman just weeks ago. 

You used fantasy to escape your grim reality quite often. It's easier to dream of a Prince Charming riding on a white horse to save you then to accept reality for what it is that you would've been stuck working in the greenhouse for the rest of your life… all alone. 

"How many times do I have to tell you?" he hissed, tearing the comforter away from you, holding onto your wrists to reveal your beautiful breasts to him. "You're mine now. You can't hide from me."

"I'm sorry…" you hung your head in shame, and so you wouldn't be caught peeking a glance at Curtis pulling his shirt over his head, followed by him unbuckling his belt. 

He was… beautiful. You never knew anyone could be so handsome. His shoulders wide, a light scattering of hair all over his torso, multiple scars on his body. But they only, strangely, made him more appealing to you. 

He climbed on top of the mattress, nudging your knees apart and situating himself between them. He growled as he looked at your bare sex, using two of his fingers to part your lips as you hissed in pain. 

"It's… I'm… sore," you explained when he looked up at you. 

He nodded back to you, pushing barely an inch of his forefinger inside you, he didn't want to hurt you. Your pussy was clearly swollen and overworked. If he gave into his urges he would be sure to cause you pain, and even worse, lose what little trust you have in him. 

He had suffered enough to last him seven lifetimes. He already knew he was going to hell for all that he had done. It wasn't like he could doom himself anymore by forcing you to be with him. And he deserved you. After all that he had gone through. You were his light at the end of one long and shitty tunnel. 

He pulled his hand away when he looked at your face, pinched in pain. Instead settling on fondling your breast as he thought about how to take care of his erection. 

He had taken your body four times the previous night, which was why you slept the day away. How he managed to go out and get stuff done, and be the leader was beyond you. 

"You like what you see, princess?" He taunted you when he caught you staring at his hard cock. 

The little pet name was initially what he used to mock you and how shy and delicate and innocent you were, but now he had come to cherish you. He wanted to protect you as if you were his sweet little scared princess and he was your brave knight. 

You immediately averted your eyes and started sputtering nonsense, your brain froze and you literally didn't know how to answer him. And Curtis had made it very clear that when he asked you a question you were to give him a proper, clear and honest answer. Or face grave consequences. 

"Um, yes?" Which was the truth. You had seen a few male genitals in your life, they were all… not very appealing. But it was different with Curtis. His was beautiful and intimidating at the same time. 

"Then how about," putting his leg over yours, he crawled to the top of the bed, kneeling before you with his hard, pulsating length was right in front of your face. "You make me happy."

"Oh…" you simply stared. Your friend had told you that you were 'one lucky bitch' to have a man like Curtis who spends hours pleasuring you with his mouth, his fingers, and his manhood, but never forced you to return the favor. You didn't even know how you would go about doing that. 

You had explored your own body before. Partly because of your curiosity and partly for some relief. But Curtis touched you in a way no one else could, he made you climax harder than you ever had before, you were pretty sure you passed out once from the sheer intensity of it. 

But… how does one go about doing the same with a man's special place? 

"Hm," you looked at his slit, it looked somewhat similar to your bud, you held onto his length, putting your thumb over his tip where the pearly liquid oozed out of--with which he often loved painting your whole body with, or pump you full of it and just watch it seep out of you. 

You realised how bold you were, that you should seek his permission before touching him there, you looked up to see him pleased with your actions so you decided to keep going.

You lightly pressed your thumb on his slit, making him hiss, you whipped your head up and pulled your hand away. 

"Sorry…" you sniffed, your vision becoming blurry as your eyes teared up, "I've never.. I don't know what to do. I'm sorry…" you sobbed. 

"Stop," he said softly, wiping your tears away with his thumb.

You really were such a scared little lamb. Years of pent up frustration, where he had to make do with just his hand, didn't help making you feel safe with him either. But what the hell was he supposed to do when he had such a beautiful woman next to him as he slept? 

"Just listen to me. Can you do that?" he asked, cupping your jaw as you meekly nodded. "Open your mouth as wide as you can," he told you, pulling on your bottom lip with his thumb. 

Oh. It made sense. He puts his mouth on you so you should be able to do so on him as well. You opened your mouth with an 'ah', panicking just a bit when he put his hand around your throat, but he hushed you and asked you to relax. Since your body, mind and soul really did belong to him now, you immediately calmed down, knowing that he won't hurt you. Not too much anyway. 

He pushed his length in your mouth. The taste wasn't at all what you expected. Not that you were sure what it would be like anyway. It tasted creamy and salty at the same time. You coughed and sputtered around him, your spit trailing down your chin. You thought that the mess would make him angry but then you recalled how much he enjoys the mess he makes of you. 

He stopped when he felt his tip hit the back of your throat on his palm, "Good girl," he cooed, stroking your need. "Look up here," he ordered as you looked at him through your big doe eyes, "Keep looking at me okay?"

You didn't know if you were expected to give a verbal answer, because you couldn't… Not with a mouthful of Curtis. So you nodded the best you could. 

"Hands on your thighs," he said as you put your hands on your bare thighs with the palms up. "Right now just sit there… just like that," he rasped as he pulled his hips back before bucking them forward, "And look pretty. Fuck… that mouth of yours… and it's all mine to do whatever I want with…"

He was making love to your mouth, just as he did between your legs. 

You did as you were told, sitting and taking his assault on your mouth and throat. His ejaculate, your tears and your saliva drooling all over your lap. He was making love to your mouth, just as he did between your legs. 

You could feel slick running down the side of your leg, not wanting to ruin the pristine white sheets and to create some much needed friction you closed your legs together. 

He stopped his hips, the tip of his cock still in your mouth as he saw you squirming. "Touch yourself." He said. 

Your eyes widened as you realised what he meant. You couldn't risk pulling him out of your mouth to protest. You were too embarrassed to do that in front of him as well. 

"That's an order," he growled as he fucked in to your warm mouth, making you choke around him, pushing him closer to his release. 

A shaky hand made its way to your core, past your pubic hair and between your thighs. You tried to emulate how Curtis touched you. 

First he touched your thighs and kissed them all over. Then your ass and then he'd tease around your lips, torturing you for what would feel like forever before touching you where you most needed him. 

You gathered your intimate juices, spreading them around your vulva before rolling your pearl between your fingers, moaning around his length. 

"That's it, princess… come on, come with me," he groaned, slowly fucking into your mouth, holding off his release so he could watch you fall apart as he came in your mouth, one hand tangled up in your hair and another pinching and twisting your nipples. 

Soon you were whimpering, you tried to tell him that you were close. Thankfully he seemed to understand as he picked up the pace. Fucking into your mouth till you could feel streaks of his release on the back of your throat. 

You held onto his thigh so you could sit upright as your orgasm washed over you. Your nails digging into his skin as you screamed around his length. 

"Swallow it all," he commanded as you gulped down all that you could. 

You took in some much needed oxygen as he pulled his softening cock out of your mouth, your chest heaving as he laid down beside you and pulled you into his body.

He thought you'd want to sleep after. Since you were so swollen and tired. He'd have to take it easy on you from now on. Maybe use your mouth every now and then to give your pussy a rest. 

But then… 

Were you grinding against his cock? 

He propped your chin up so he could look at your face, the most innocent look on it. 

"What do you think you're doing?"

"Um… are you done?" you asked, tracing a scar on his chest. 

"You want something, princess?" he asked, pinching your buttock as you yelped. 

"I was thinking… we could make love? It doesn't feel right not to. You know?"

"Right, of course, princess. Since you asked so nicely." He smirked as he climbed on top of you. 

Taglist -

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Chris Evans characters: @patzammit @denisemarieangelina @angrythingstarlight @goldenfightergir @dangerouslovefanfic @melchills-j @xserenax-13