writtenbynath

[writtenbynath]

Are there any hypno subjects that you don’t know much about, but hope to follow a workshop/class/lecture on or read more about at some point?

I definitely wish I could listen to Sleepingirl talk about Erickson for hours and hours on end. And if SexObsessedLesbian is teaching, I would love to watch. Are there specific hypno subjects I want to learn more about? I would love to ironically watch NLP and pickup artistry classes. And stuff about conversational hypnosis, but I don't expect to learn anything new there.

[writtenbynath]

I realise that the person who asked this question was actually coming from a place of disbelieving the story of a woman who was hypnotised even though she didn't give consent to be hypnotised. And to that sentiment I just want to say:

Believe victims

How exactly do you hypnotise someone nonconsentually? Given the basically universal agreement outside of people who get off on it that that isn't possible.

So, I've already written about that extensively. Lots of people get abused, lots of people get manipulated, forced to do things they don't want, no hypnosis required for that. Not only that, lots of people get into a situation they didn't consent to because they didn't understand what was happening and/or where it would lead.

Here's some links to posts I wrote previously on the subject of hypnosis making people do things they don't want:

Can a hypnotist make you do things you don't want?

They must have wanted it

[writtenbynath]

This anonymous question I received, deserves a whole writing to answer. Because it's just too simplistic to believe that hypnosis only works when you cooperate.

People who are ill-informed about how hypnosis works on the mind seem to think that a hypnotist can just progam and reprogram someone's mind. And when I write about the empowerment of bottoms, I explain that there are subjects who can easily resist or adjust suggestions. I believe everyone can learn to do that. Well, then... "They must have wanted it" is the mantra of lazy hypnotists who simply don't care enough to think about the nuances of social pressure, coercion and seduction.

The way hypnosis works is that a hypnotist tells the subject what they should do, with the use of hypnotic techniques, and the subject executes those commands to the best of their abilities. So how can anyone get hypnotised against their will? Hypnosis requires their cooperation, right? I've written about this before

Our body complies with the stimuli it is given, that does not imply that the stimulus is wanted or enjoyed.

And the solution is very simple. Listen to their words, not their body. Do not dismiss their words because their body "is giving you mixed signals". Their words are the signal you can trust and rely on. Back the fuck down when someone says "Do not want". Do not argue with them.

We're kinky hypnolovers, we play with orgasms, right? Do you know why it is so hard to stop an orgasm trigger from happening? Because orgasm is a jolt of happy chemicals that the body enjoys. Do you know why it's so hard to completely wake up a person who is deeply hypnotised or fractionated? Because being in trance, being not quite conscious and in control of ourselves, is such a blissful feeling. Our bodies don't want to stop doing that, even when our minds do. And that results in a disgusting feeling of cognitive dissonance, not being able to stop ourselves from doing something we don't want.

It's similar to trying to stop smoking. Without nicotine, but with endorphins and other happy brain chemicals. Any hypnotherapist worth their salt knows that if someone relapses, it's not because they are weak-willed or lazy or "they don't really want to stop", there is something more at work, and they need help. Someone who looks at the ecology of the problem.

We as members of the hypnocommunity have a responsibility to be good to each other, to prevent these things from happening. We all, hypnotists and subjects, have a responsibility to know the risks of our kink and to take safety precautions. And to be kind to the people who need help.

How exactly do you hypnotise someone nonconsentually? Given the basically universal agreement outside of people who get off on it that that isn't possible.

So, I've already written about that extensively. Lots of people get abused, lots of people get manipulated, forced to do things they don't want, no hypnosis required for that. Not only that, lots of people get into a situation they didn't consent to because they didn't understand what was happening and/or where it would lead.

Here's some links to posts I wrote previously on the subject of hypnosis making people do things they don't want:

Can a hypnotist make you do things you don't want?

They must have wanted it

[writtenbynath]

the updated list

Nimja

He's back and he hasn't changed. So let me share with you a list that summarises what we know about this predator

🚩His first consent violation in the Dutch kink scene that we know of was over 20 years ago. This is a long established pattern.

🚩He has been known to groom people under 18 years old. One such person reported Nimja to NEEHU because they wouldn't feel safe if he attended.

🚩Both Nimja and the organisers of NEEHU are accountable for the fact that Nimja attended NEEHU online under a pseudonym after he was banned for above reason.

🚩Multiple bans from hypno kink events in the US, UK and internationally

🚩One case of hypnotising a person who did not give consent to be hypnotised. She was traumatised and still gets very angry talking about this, even fifteen years after the event.

🚩One case of a little agreeing to play with him on the condition "nothing sexual" and he proceeded to give her a hypnotic orgasm. This was so traumatic to her, she never wants to be hypnotised again.

🚩Numerous cases of creepy behaviour.

🚩One case of sexual assault at a kink event and numerous consent violations.

🚩Multiple cases of online hypno D/s play that he ended abruptly and without giving proper aftercare, leaving them addicted to files without any recourse. Some of these women flew to the Netherlands to meet him only to be dumped.

🚩Multiple cases of gaslighting his victims into believing he had done nothing wrong and they must be bad people or they must need mental help for reacting this way.

🚩Numerous cases of trying to remove complaints and information about his abuse from online spaces, accusing people of harassing him and badmouthing his victims.

🚩The parasocial relationships he develops with his fans are unhealthy because there is an imbalance in power and he has taken no steps to change that over the years. He still uses predatory tactics to lure in young women who are inexperienced in kink and hypnosis so he can teach (groom) them, and so they won't talk back at him. He prefers them young or little so they don’t talk back.

Every new girl who becomes his fan is at risk of falling prey to this same abusive behaviour again.

[writtenbynath]

Just wanted to thank you for the work you do. I was an anon a few years ago (❤️‍🩹) and your posts helped me escape nimja before I contacted him and got even more hurt. Therapy has helped a lot (thank you emdr!), and life is pretty much normal now. Have a good shift

@elias-already

Thank you so much for this message. I'm so glad to hear this 💜☺️

[writtenbynath]

I'm going into the night shift, ask me anything

[writtenbynath]

Nimja is absolutely tonedeaf

He went underground for a year after he was exposed for abuse and grooming.

And now he's back without so much as acknowledging any of the victims.

And what's the first file he releases about?

Enslavement

[writtenbynath]

stage hypnosis, but with the tone of a snuff show. none of that "woooow look at the Mastery of the Mind" type bullshit put on in carnivals and theaters; no, a performance with the vibe of something illicit hidden in an abandoned warehouse, behind closed curtains. for people that already know exactly what they are getting into.

a private showing to watch someone's sense of reality be completely broken down, their agency robbed away, their very self-worth inexorably tied to servitude. all while others watch on, peering on with barely-constrained hunger.

[writtenbynath]

How exactly do you hypnotise someone nonconsentually? Given the basically universal agreement outside of people who get off on it that that isn't possible.

So, I've already written about that extensively. Lots of people get abused, lots of people get manipulated, forced to do things they don't want, no hypnosis required for that. Not only that, lots of people get into a situation they didn't consent to because they didn't understand what was happening and/or where it would lead.

Here's some links to posts I wrote previously on the subject of hypnosis making people do things they don't want:

Can a hypnotist make you do things you don't want?

They must have wanted it

[writtenbynath]

Thank you for sharing my warnings

I can see that lots of people are sharing the info on Nimja's abuse and I hope that will help keep more young women from interacting with him and getting victimised. He seems to really use his Youtube channel to keep his fans addicted to his voice, to the point where he put an awaker at the end of the little news video he posted on 03 Feb. (And the special thanks he gave to his supporters sounded like a trigger too) Super icky if you ask me.

Now, I've also seen some tags here on Tumblr you put on the reblogs and I want to be very clear about something. I would never condemn approaching hypnokink or any other interest with a healthy dose of skepticism, however. Hypnokink is just a kink like any other, I like to compare it to rope/shibari.

It's an art, it's an activity people can spend hours and hours learning all the workings and techniques, and all the risks and how to mitigate those risks. It can lead to amazingly beautiful experiences, it can be done in the bedroom in absolutely harmless and wholesome ways, and it can be dangerous. The education for the bottoms, the people who like to undergo the activity, is often overlooked, even though they are stuck with the consequences when something goes wrong. Good education for the bottoms can really help them make informed decisions about the risks they're willing to take for this kink, and how to avoid bad situations, and yet most education on the subject focuses on tops, teaching them how to do the rope or the hypno.

Unlike rope, hypnokink can be done online, and that's where it's often most dangerous. It's easy to get addicted to listening to the same file over and over because it makes you feel good, but it may be dangerous to create a dependency or a parasocial relationship with a hypno content creator. The decision to engage in a certain kink should be made while aware of the risks and how to keep yourself safe. I have posted more on that subject here before, so feel free to peruse the tags and my pinned posts.

[writtenbynath]

He's apparently come out of hiding and he hasn't changed.

Nimja

This writing, which is not by me, was removed from Fetlife because of reasons. So I'm posting it here.

🚩His first consent violation in the Dutch kink scene over 20 years ago. This is a long established pattern.

🚩He has been known to groom people under 18 years old. One such person reported Nimja to NEEHU because they wouldn't feel safe if he attended.

🚩Both Nimja and the organisers of NEEHU are accountable for the fact that Nimja attended NEEHU online under a pseudonym after he was banned for above reason.

🚩Multiple bans from hypno kink events in the US, UK and internationally.

🚩One case of hypnotising a person who did not give consent to be hypnotised. She was traumatised and still gets very angry talking about this, even fifteen years after the event.

🚩One case of a little agreeing to play with him on the condition "nothing sexual" and he proceeded to give her a hypnotic orgasm. This was so traumatic to her, she never wants to be hypnotised again.

🚩Numerous cases of creepy behaviour.

🚩One case of sexual assault and numerous consent violations.

🚩Multiple cases of online hypno D/s play that he ended abruptly and without giving proper aftercare, leaving them addicted to files without any recourse. Some of these women flew to the Netherlands to meet him only to be dumped.

🚩Multiple cases of gaslighting his victims into believing he had done nothing wrong and they must be bad subjects or they must need mental help for reacting this way.

🚩Numerous cases of trying to remove complaints and information about his abuse from online spaces, accusing people of harassing him and badmouthing his victims.

🚩The parasocial relationships he develops with his fans are unhealthy because there is an imbalance in power and he has taken no steps to change that over the years. He still seems to seek out young women who are inexperienced in kink and hypnosis so he can teach (groom) them, and so they won't talk back at him.

Every new girl who becomes his fan is at risk of falling prey to this same abusive behaviour again.

[writtenbynath]

For the record, I'm not happy I was right all along. I wanted to prevent more young women from getting hurt and I failed in that.

But I would appreciate it if the people who defended him would tell me that they realise now they were wrong. And that they also failed in protecting these women from being abused.

[writtenbynath]

yes, but know that if your asks are as terrible as the Fetlife AMAs, you will be ridiculed

bring back tumblr ask culture let me. bother you with questions and statements

[writtenbynath]

Power Imbalance

Charmed! is just around the corner and I want to take a moment to think about power imbalance. I read something Lacielou wrote, CW this writing mentions the Gaiman abuse story but it's not about that. It's about a convention where people strike up conversation to pick each other's brains and maybe impress them https://fetlife.com/users/14539721/posts/11823368

When I go to Charmed, I know a lot of people in the organisation by name. That gives me more power than a first time attendee has. I have a certain reputation, that gives me more power. I'm much older than a lot of the attendees, that gives me more power. I have been on this hypnokink merry-go-round before, that gives me more power. I understand my own limits, that gives me more power. I have the awareness and social skills to steer a conversation, that gives me more power. This is why I feel safe at Charmed! And I know I tread carefully with that power to not take advantage of others. I'm not going to impose on other people's time and I'm not going to invite newbies to my room. There are people who do, though.

You probably know me as someone who is not afraid of pointing out the elephant in the room. Older men are just more likely to abuse the aforementioned power imbalances at a convention and chat up young people who peak their interest and who don't quite have the agency to tell this guy to fuck off. Maybe the young person is flattered by the attention of this older man who has more experience with hypnokink, maybe they're impressed by the presentation the older man gave or the fact that he seems to know everyone. And yes, I do realise that socially awkward men sometimes don't realise when other people really want them to stop talking, but that's a skill you can learn, guys! And it's an excuse predators and creeps often use.

Fact is, I can easily picture a scenario like Lacielou described happening at Charmed. Yes, I realise, not just men. I have definitely been caught off guard myself when I let a woman treat me in a way I wouldn't let a man get away with, just because I didn't expect it from her. But it's statistically more likely that the person abusing the power imbalance at a convention, to corner a person they're interested in, is a man.

I don't want to point any fingers. Lots of people at Charmed! are lovely geeks who don't mean to make anyone else feel uncomfortable. But I think it's good to be aware of this possibility. It's good to ask yourself "Am I making this person I'm talking to uncomfortable?" It's a convention, there's classes to go to, so let people go and don't take it personally.

It's good to ask yourself "do I feel comfortable having this conversation or do I want out?" And don't feel bad interrupting them, tell them you have places to be, ask a friend to save you from uncomfortable situations like this by dragging you away to the next class. Whatever you need to get out of that uncomfortable situation, it's all good.

And if you need someone to talk to about an uncomfortable situation at the con, that's what the consent team is for.

[writtenbynath]

“A man asked: Why do women seek safety, safety, safety?”

Because our safety, our personal space, our emotional boundaries and our sexual boundaries get ignored a lot in daily life.

We endure sexual harassment at school, at work and in public, and we often get blamed for it when it happens. ("What was she wearing?")

Our family members, members of the church and our medical care providers tend to completely ignore our boundaries because they feel they know better what's good for us, even when we're adults.

Many of us have had at least one sexual experience with a man who tried coerce us into doing something we didn't want by the time we're in our twenties, even if it's only an experience like we said no to sex, and he tried to change our mind, or he tried to convince us to let him not wear a condom. It just proves that our no gets ignored and that feels unsafe.

But the risk is bigger than that, we know there are grooming narcissists out there who want complete control over their female partners, and isolate her from her friends and family so she won't be able to get out of this abusive relationship. We know there are guys out there who just want to get their dicks wet with total disregard for the woman they penetrate (for example the men who buy drugs to spike our drinks because they just don't care about consent, if we're unconscious that makes it easier for them to "get away with it") And we know there's violent kidnappers and killers out there who find easy victims in sex-positive spaces. So yes, we want safety safety safety.

When men date, they're afraid to get rejected and humiliated.

When women date, we're afraid to get assaulted, kidnapped and killed.

[writtenbynath]

The Freedom of being Forced

For as long as I can remember, I've been turned on by mind control, and I'm not alone. And there's more than one reason to be into hypnokink (I'm just going to write it as one word now, because you know...) but in this writing I want to talk about one specific theme we also see in other corners of kink. The fantasy of being forced.

When I was young, it started for me with forced masturbation fantasies. I wasn't a horny teenager jacking off, I was being forced to behave like this, and without that outside influence I would be good and innocent. And I'm sure there's many other people out there whose first forays into kink had similar themes. Forced bi, forced orgasms, forced to lick boots or forced to do exhibitionist things.

Oh how things have changed over the years. These days, I'm just over here convincing my submissive they are my obedient thrall and that's why they're completely obsessed with me. Because I'm more comfortable now doing kink for my pleasure, and I'm more confident about my knowledge and skill in hypnokink.

Mind control gives us permission to do things we already secretly want, but we're ashamed of. If it's the fault of the hypnotist or the hypnotic file that you're obsessed with sucking cock or with edging until you can't see straight, you're not responsible and it lessens the shame. It's about that deniability, that freedom of accountability.

But hypnokink is not mind control. The file didn't change your sexual preferences, the hypnotist doesn't make you obsessed, they just give you permission to be as obsessed as you always wanted. To do the things you secretly always wanted to do but were too afraid to. Hypnokink is great for lowering your inhibitions in a more controllable way than drugs or alcohol can. But essentially it's not any different from other kinky D/s play.

Give me your power so you can be free.

[writtenbynath]

Yes! Yes!

Hypnosis is magic. It is not just “the closest we can get to magic.” Trance practices in all kinds of forms have served as the basis for mysticism across cultures and human history -- thousands of years. It is not new. It is not western. It did not start with Franz Mesmer or James Braid or Milton Erickson or Wiseguy.

It’s tempting to see what we do as disconnected from the “historical” and “outdated” methods of hypnosis. I’m not anti-science (maybe a little -- tongue in cheek) but I do think that labeling hypnosis as “just psychology” is dishonest about how much we actually objectively know about it -- and does a disservice to the phenomenon itself.

It's tempting to say "It's just hypnosis" when we see the body scan used in yoga or in psychology, or when we see trance used in rituals of a more spiritual nature, or when we see persuasive techniques used in marketing and commercials, but that's doing a disservice to how ancient this knowledge is, how widely used the techniques are, and how much they can improve our lives if we just stop trying to categorise things into reductive little boxes.

Read. Own this art. And bring that respect of this art to the people you share it with. I promise you can do things with hypnosis that you have never thought possible.

You Are A Wizard, So Pour Over The Tomes

Hypnosis is magic. It is not just “the closest we can get to magic.” Trance practices in all kinds of forms have served as the basis for mysticism across cultures and human history -- thousands of years. It is not new. It is not western. It did not start with Franz Mesmer or James Braid or Milton Erickson or Wiseguy.

Modern hypnosis stems from a rich human history of fascination and spiritual veneration of the mind’s power. We are practitioners of a comparably new discipline where we can literally change the way that other people experience the world. Their innermost selves are as leverage to us -- putty to us, when we know what we are doing. We can transform others freely. We can give pleasure or pain. We can facilitate experiences that seem to defy reality.

People talk a big game about respecting that power. What they usually mean by that is respecting EACH OTHER. That’s crucial, obviously -- not manipulating, not harming, being a good person.

But what about respecting the discipline itself?

It’s tempting to see what we do as disconnected from the “historical” and “outdated” methods of hypnosis. But we are a part of that history. We are likely hilariously wrong about a lot of things related to trance, hypnosis, the human mind -- what will hypnosis and psychology look like in 100 years? And even as we innovate, we are always building on the techniques and ideas that came before us -- in ways we are often not even aware of. We reinvent; we use ideas from the past unknowingly.

We have a right -- and a responsibility -- to OWN our magic. I am not here to gatekeep and say that this magic is not yours. It IS yours; it’s unequivocally yours. But as a whole we could do more to respect it.

“Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.” And hypnosis is not even a technology that we UNDERSTAND. The only real reason we DON’T see ourselves as wizards is because there is a huge motivation to legitimize hypnosis as a scientific discipline -- and non-rationalist perspectives are looked down upon in our culture. I’m not anti-science (maybe a little -- tongue in cheek) but I do think that labeling hypnosis as “just psychology” is dishonest about how much we actually objectively know about it -- and does a disservice to the phenomenon itself.

I’m not saying hypnosis is literally metaphysical. But I am saying we practice something very powerful without knowing its nature. There are secrets we have tried to suss out about this magic through history that we have written down -- past and present. We actually have tomes of knowledge, records of past experiments and modern inventors.

In the last couple of years, I’ve started teaching/facilitating “text studies” -- classes where we sit down with an excerpt from a hypnosis book and parse through it as a collaborative group. I desperately want to show people that there is value in just critically reading the resources available to us. The clinical texts -- especially older ones -- are hard to read, like they are almost in a different language. But it is amazing the insights we have come to by tackling them together.

These old texts are not pure truths -- there is a lot we’ve improved on over time. But we can learn a lot by learning what hypnosis was like historically. The entire discipline of hypnosis is extremely susceptible to change -- it is defined SO MUCH by how we view it culturally. I just recently was amazed at re-reading some Erickson where he talks about making his subjects daydream autonomously -- as a primary mode and result of inducing hypnosis. Contrast that with today, where if someone’s mind wanders for even a moment, they feel like they’ve failed. There’s something really important here -- a technique from 50 years ago that tells us something we’ve lost in modern practice.

And there are countless examples of this, of people losing and reinventing methods over and over. As I’ve watched our kinky niche grow over just the past 13 years, I’ve watched ideas phase in, out, and in again -- there is both growth and regression of our collective body of knowledge. That’s the nature of things, especially when we operate partially disconnected from the resources that are available to us.

We CAN be connected to the rich human history of trying to unravel the secrets about our minds, and about this thing that gives us enormous transformative powers -- powers that we take for granted.

You are a wizard -- so pour over the tomes.

Read a book. Read an article. Set aside some time and view yourself with the respect of being someone who can study and suss out a magical text. Take notes, look up words and concepts you don’t know. Or just absorb what you can on a first pass and go back later. Read a chapter or just master a single page. Romanticize the aesthetic of sitting with the scent of paper, or as the technomancer with words appearing on a screen.

Read. Own this art. And bring that respect of this art to the people you share it with. I promise you can do things with hypnosis that you have never thought possible.

------------------

This is a little motivational piece (for you and me!) as I gear up to teach "Analyzing Erickson" at Charmed. It's something I feel really passionately about, and I wanted to share it.

Permanently linked/free on Patreon.