#i wish i was this good at dealing with someone losing attention to whatever im talking about

[wis-art]

she was just admiring her girl

[musingartblog]

The death deal (bad sans au self insert)

this was suppose to be a comic but im too lazy rn

tw death talk,suggestive humor

The sun was the most welcoming vison for the human.

Skies glowed it’s shade of orange as the sun slowly set onto the horizon.Being stuck inside the castle doing chores and odd jobs almost made V forget that there was a whole multiverse right outside the place.They simply sat on the grassy hill,feeling the warmth seep into their skin,when was the last time they felt this sort of peace? That was simply a question they weren’t sure of,this sense of calmness scared them deeply.

Softly shifting of grass alerts the human,turning their attention to the glitchy skeleton that was walking up behind them,their posture tensed as their eye met his.Strings tangled under his grip,softly swaying against the wind,the only noise between the two.

“wondered where you went off to” he finally spoke up,arms cross against his chest,”thought you’d tried to escape this hellhole”

“like I have anywhere to go” they dryly spoke,though they turn their head away back into the sky,”sorry,I just wanted to get some time out here”

Error moves next to the other,”hm,I don’t certainly blame you,if I had to look at purple all day everyday I’d lose my mind too”

This does get a soft chuckle from V,”better than beings stuck in a tiny house,seeing the same half painted walls”

Things go quiet for a bit,Error eyes the human and ponders,the only thing he knows about V is that they were working with the star sanses and then quit,allowing Nightmare to kidnap them and use them for information against the other team.That’s something he doesn’t really think too hard about but it’s rather the rest of time they’ve spent in the castle.

There was no need to torture them for information,threaten them or anything,they simply spilled whatever information they knew---and they knew a lot,perhaps things he wish he didn’t know.

This carelessness,this dissociation from one’s self,the emptiness in one’s eyes screamed something familiar,something that shakes the monster to his soul,it was strangely frightening to see such a thing in a human.Just an average human,not a Frisk,not a Chara,just some random human they found and took out of their AU.

He frankly doesn’t understand what Ink sees in this human.

“are we heading off soon?” They asked.

“yeah yeah” His voice drifts off,”I’ve just got one thing on my mind”

“why are you here?”

This naturally confuses them,”because Nightmare took me..?”

“no,I mean why are you alive?” He states more firmly,looking down at them,”I see it in your eye,death has consumed your soul”

Not much of a reaction comes from the human,quiet as a mouse to put it simply,the setting sun brightens their skin but their eyes speak of the dead,”read me like a book,I’ve never wanted death more than I do now”

“Then what’s stopping you?” He prods,”scared of the inevitable darkness?”

They pluck out some of the grass beneath them,”no,not really,I don’t think, suicide doesn’t see like a great way to go out”

“so..you’re waiting for someone to kill you?” he raises a brow at that thought.

“I guess,I kinda thought that’s what Nightmare was going to do” V explains,twirling the grass blades under their fingertips,”I do really want to die but I rather go out in a grand way”

Curious by the human’s thoughts,he moves to sit down next to them,seeing their eyes widen with surprise,the first real expression he’s seen from their green eye.

“my interest is peaked” Error repiles.

“well,dying in a explosion seems pretty generic,uh I’ve never really thought too much to it” They tap their chin and brushed their hair away to reveal the new eyepatch,black with a purple moon symbol,”maybe…maybe I dunno get a handjob from Reaper?”

Error looks at them flatly,”I’m sorry what?”

“I don’t know!” they quickly tried to backtrack,curling up on themselves,their expressions becoming more wilder,”it’s—it’s just something I guess?”

The glitch shakes his head,”that’s…certainly a way to go,good luck trying to attempt that,Reaper is quite finicky on who lives and who dies”

Error sighs as he uses his hand to support his chin, seemly irritated bringing up the deathly skeleton.V looks over the form of the glitch,slight eyebrow raised,they open their mouth but slowly closed it in a attempt of uncertainly, hesitating before saying.

“did you want to die to Error?”

He doesn’t move but there was a notable shift in his eyes,”yeah but it doesn’t work,I’ve tried”

“you’ve tried?”

“pretty much,I’m pretty much like a cockroach,too stubborn to die” He waves it much off.

Though he pauses,”then again,haven’t really dealt with crazy explosion”

V hands fidgeted,”..perharps…there might be something that can be done”

“what are you going on about?”

“think about it” they spoke up,”you want to die but are too strong to,I want to die but in a grand way,we should die together”

“die together?” he seems completely taken aback considering what he knows of this human,”seems like your scared to die alone”

“maybe but it is a idea isn’t it?” they asked,their eyes strangely lit up while explaining it.

Even though he’s barely known this human,this idea was sort of appealing to him,dying in a grand way which certainly will kill him,how could he turn down such an offer? Besides the human that was sitting next to him,the orange lightening shining down on them,making them strangely angelic,an angel of death so to speak.

“heh it’s quite the idea kid,I’m certainly for it” he spoke to the human.

V’s eye lit up once more,”so i-it’s like a promise?”

“I don’t do promises” he remarks,”but I do deal,so how about it? Neither of us try to die unless we’re together”

“deal!” They exclaim,holding out their hand to shake,followed by a long awkwardness as V realized and quickly retracts their hand,”s-sorry right,my bad”

After that long and strange grim conversation,Error forced himself to stand up, stretching out his back,feeling his spine pop,”well it was a nice chat,let’s head back before Nightmare tracks us down and strangles us both”

“right” V shoots up from their spot,”Nightmare said I was suppose to help this Horror person with dinner”

“may god have mercy on your soul” he remarked as he opened a portal.

And so the deal was made,a deal that would set these two on quiet the adventure of a life time.

[say-the-name-sebongie]

Champagne Problems

Synopsis: You won't remember all my champagne problems 

Pairing: Chan x fem!reader 

Genre: angst :) 

Warnings: mentions of being drunk and having drinking problems/addiction 

Word Count: 1.5k words

a/n: i love sungjin dont get me wrong im not trying to make him look like a bad guy :((

Part of Evermore Series

The music and laughter from the dining hall were heard even when he escaped to the male's restroom. Chan looked into the mirror and pretended to fix his tie, undoing it a bit then pulling it back together. A few people came in and exited but he stayed staring at himself in front of the sink. He got a few weird stares from people who were also attending the reception but he paid them no heed, nothing good would come out of doing that anyway. Nor was being at the wedding. He had to admit that attending wasn't a very good choice on Past Chan's part but Present Chan was here now so he had to deal with it.

Gritting his teeth, Chan walked with heavy steps back toward the dining room back to the party. The muted sounds heard from the restroom earlier were magnified as he opened the doors, the low bass resounding in his ears. Though he tried his best not to he still heard the whispers about him as he weaved his way around towards his designated table where Hansol and Seungkwan were seated.

"Don't listen to them," Seungkwan said as soon as Chan sat down, seeing his friend’s controlled expression. The younger could only laugh. It was definitely easier said than done.

“That's him, the guy who dumped her.”

“Isn't he the drunkard? What did she even see in him?”

“It's a good thing she married Sungjin instead, it would've been a disaster if she married him.”

“He could've been a good choice if only he wasn't like that.”

Chan knew not to take to heart those kinds of comments. He didn’t have a decent reason to nor did it resolve the rumor so it was better to just ignore whatever people said. But the mean comments and side-eyes from people just kept coming the longer he stayed at _____'s wedding.

He knew _____ was too good for him, that was why he left her in the first place. What good would it do her to stay with someone who got drunk every other night and couldn't keep a part-time job for more than a month? Those kinds of words were what he deserved. He tried to keep Seungkwan from hearing him sigh but the other boy’s hearing was just too good.

"I just told you not to listen." Seungkwan nagged at him, nudging Chan with his elbow. His friends were exchanging looks and eyeing him worriedly. Chan straightened up in his seat and put on a smile. "I'm fine guys. Don't worry about me."

The voice of the host made everyone look towards the stage where _____ and Sungjin were sitting. Chan figured that looking at the married couple would be too much for him to handle so he looked instead at the decorations hung behind them, a bunch of fairy lights intertwined with some fake vines and attached to the wall.

A bunch of guests were called onto the stage to give their wishes of well-being and raise a toast to the pair. They droned on and on about how they were the "definition of a perfect couple", each speech seemingly scripted to include that phrase at least twice. _____'s mom thanked Sungjin for coming into _____'s life and bringing her up from her lowest points, to which Chan earned a few glances as it was obvious that he was the cause of the "lowest point" being mentioned.

The boy was starting to lose interest in whatever was going on at the front so he turned his attention to the three champagne bottles in the middle of their table. He poured himself a glass and stared at the sparkling liquid glinting in the light.

Applause signified the end of yet another wedding toast. The boy watched as _____'s mother give her daughter and son-in-law a hug, the pride radiating off her face was undeniable. Chan took a sip out of his glass, the bubbly alcohol not doing enough to satisfy him.

Then it was Sungjin's turn. After singing a song he had written for _____ he stood in front of her and brought a piece of paper. Chan finished his drink and flooded his glass with more. He would need more alcohol in his system to be able to sit still while that guy talked.

"My love, I remember when I first met you. You were crying on the street as the rain was pouring."

Chan remembered that night all too well. That was the night he had taken her out on one last date then told her that they weren't meant to be. She deserved someone better and that sure as hell wasn't Chan. _____ had cried and begged him to stay but he left her standing in the dark, tears dripping down her face. If he had turned back then he knew that he would have gone back to her and made her life worse.

He sensed a few glares in his direction from those who knew about what had happened that night. Chan kept his back to them and decided that the glittery drink in his hands was more interesting than the people around him. He swirled the golden champagne in his glass and downed it before pouring himself yet another one.

"I remember the first time I went to your apartment. You pulled me into the living room and we ballroom danced until the lasagna you were baking almost burned. I never really understood why you liked to listen to those classical music playlists on Spotify but every time I hear it makes me remember that little moment dancing with you."

Ballroom dancing was never his forte but he learned it for _____. His dance style was more on the hip-hop side so graceful and flowy moves never came naturally to him. Every time she asked him to dance with her, he would shake his head and tell her that it wasn't his style. But of course, he couldn’t say no to her and would just smile as she pulled him to his feet and twirl around the dance floor. He had surprised her one day by taking her to a field where a bunch of old people were dancing and pulled her to the middle. Her pleasantly surprised face that slowly melted into laughter was all he needed to feel happy that night and for the rest of his life.

The glass he had just poured into was suddenly empty again. Realizing he had already finished one bottle he reached for a second and opened that as well.

"I promise to always be by your side and never leave you even when things get rough. I promise to make you happy with all that I am."

As Sungjin's speech got longer, Chan became tipsier. Hansol had the sensibility to remove the third bottle of champagne from the table before Chan had a chance to finish that one too. The clapping as Sungjin came towards _____ to embrace her echoed painfully in his ears making Chan wince.

After the groom's speech, the wedded couple went around to bid their guests goodbye. The first person out of the dining hall was Chan. He didn't even wait for _____ and Sungjin to come to their table and just bolted out of the place.

He whisked himself into a bar located a little way from the hotel where the wedding reception was held. A few customers were still lurking around even at two in the morning. Six shot glasses were already empty in front of him when the bartender told him that they had to close up for an event later that day. Chan stumbled out of the bar in his drunken stupor, the hazy lights of the city only making the navigation back home way harder.

The world seemed to be shaking and Chan didn't know if it was an earthquake or the alcohol. It took him a while to realize that it was his phone vibrating. He answered the call and put the device against his ear only to pull it away with how loud Seungkwan was shouting.

"What do you think you're doing and getting drunk?! The people at the party already think that you get drunk every night, there's no need to prove to them that they're right."

Chan rubbed his eyes sleepily and brought the phone back to his ear. "I know, I'm sorry. I’ll come back home in a while."

He hung up and sat on the curb. A few lamp posts were turning off as the sun started rising to his left. His shoes were dirty and scratched despite being in a good condition when he first came to the wedding. The tie that was supposedly hanging around his neck was now missing and his suit had a stain on it.

A hollow laugh erupted from his lips, partly from his drunkenness and partly from being sorry for himself. It really was a good thing that _____ ended up with someone else and not him, some grubby immature guy with no job and alcohol problems.

[theyarebothgunshot]

this is exactly how it went down in my head.

misha: hey, everything okay? do you need me to do something?

jensen: no, lay low. we’re figuring it out.

misha: got it.

— the next day —

misha: things settled. should i say anything? draw attention? stay neutral?

jensen: you don’t have to, but if you want, tread lightly. we’ve had enough chaos.

misha: say no more.

when nobody got your back you KNOW dmitri got your back.

ANYWAYS i turned my back for TWO MINUTES and y'all went the fuck off in my inbox so, you know the drill: more under the cut

NO BUT JENSEN’S RESPONSE LMAAAAAO honestly fallout theory is so on oh my God I can’t stop-

on god they are so loud like-

Worst damage control i've ever seen. god bles.

so true bestie

I think Jensen probably just wants to be done with this petty little drama, so if he has to pretend everything between them is okay he is going to be the bigger man and lay it to rest. Whatever is going on between them he definitely doesn't want to sort that out on social media and the earlier he pretends everything is sorted out the earlier people will forget about it again.

Also it's kinda funny how J*red Tweet was like implying they had a misunderstanding but still talk to each other regularly, while Jensen went full on the we grow apart a little bit, because we were busy, let's catch back up. Makes me wonder if they actually talked or if there managers just said hey that's not good pr, let's put that to rest. Also did J*red know before yesterday that they had a falling out or did he just not realize.

- 🐌 anon

literally jensen went out of his way to say 'uhhh we never talk, worstie' god if pr management is involved then they did a bad job. also j*red still does not realise they have fallen out. jshfjdsfh

Jackles was like God bless but we ain’t talking like this worstie

good for her.gif

csdsc heeft gevraagd:

All I need now is for Misha to tweet “ is it safe to come out now?” And I’ll be complete lmfao 😂😂😂

that would have been better than what we got lmfao

I have one fear and it's Jensen being forced to add j*red to his show and his other projects because he couldn't stop whining like a baby,,, ugh i hate him

i pretend i do not see

Kinda selfish of me tbh but i don't want them to be "friends" again, Jensen sweetie run as fast as you can

co-signed

Ok Jensen's answer to Jared tweet made me feel so bad for him. Like, I can see it's damage control and public relations (obviously) but there's stuff behind it. I can't name it, but idk, I felt terrible for texas man this time, I don't think that reply was written with a "love and light energy" or even without much care. I felt some heavy vibes.

- 🌻, who is now a fortune teller and a prophet apparently

yeah i feel hella bad for him to, for having to deal with this shit. nonnie please if you ever have anything to predict, lemme know sjdfhs

You know Jensen's tweet has the energy of like kindergarten wenn an other kid started a fight with you and the kindergarten teacher wants you to forgive each other and hung it out and you really don't want to, but your kindergarten teacher is being annoying and he isn't worth the annoyance either.

- 🐌 anon

you are not wrong

Incredibly thankful that I have the day off from work 😂 I'm with hatching chick anon, the 3 dots read as passive aggressive/insincere to me, and I love it! I haven't spent this many hours on tumblr since I first discovered cockles! (On a side note, the lack of fimmf posts today has me feeling like it's not friday lol) -🐢

i, too, miss fimmf but alas things happen, they do they do they do

I was right. :(

It got almost romantic...

👀

nonnie you know i love you but this is really not the case, like, at all??? idk how you could look at those tweets and think it was almost romantic. it was THEE most scripted, pr bullshit ever. it was staged and fake. idk what else to tell ya

Danneel liked Jensen's tweet

i saw

That is so so awkward I feel so sorry for all of us being exposed to this and so happy I chose to leave the Internet for half a day - tea anon

god bless your stance on that cause i would have hated missing out on this lmao

You know what? I think it’s okay being a 38 year old moron if you’re bringing us this type of content

im happy with the food but still think its not okay tbh

pspspsps Misha this is the perfect day for you to drop the gay Cas essay pspspspsp it is still pride month pspspsps

you know you want to king pspsps

So that JIB6 link (I think it was from your post, right?). I went and watched that bit, and a little more.

Jensen makes a comment about Jared being first on the call sheet because Sam was supposed to be the main focal character.

And that him nor Misha cared about what number they were, so in all that time it never changed.

And I’ll be… if that just doesn’t perfectly sum them up and their feelings on things. And how a certain someone can be petty… 🦚

idk if it was from my post? but maybe? my analysis probably? but yeah things are making more and more sense huh

Ohh that's also an alien? Welcome to the extraterrestial family then, purple alien anon!

Also it's probably because I'm coming off the high this drama gave me but I'm not looking forward to them trying so hard to convince us everything is normal between them. Even though we now Know, they will have to keep pretending. Today (yesterday?) was a shitshow but some masks fell off, at least for a moment and I kinda wish Jensen was less professional 😂

👽

oh for real, fallout theory IS confirmed and nothing they said today will change my mind, it only made me believe in it even more lmfao and with that in mind i am just gonna sip my tea if they try to be buddy buddy on main again

I THINK MISHA UNRETWEETED BUT HE TWEETED "LOVE AND MISS YOU BOTH" I'M LOSING MY DIGNITY HERE - tea anon

yeah he now answered them sjdfhsjfhsf instead of rt

MISHA COLLINS IS A KING I STAN THE RIGHT MAN

YOU SURE DO

I just know Misha’s process was oh crap I have to let people know I’m supporting them and I can’t choose sides. Ok. Retweet. NO. Delete. I love both of you. Yes, good.

sjdfsdfh this makes me think of that post that dissected jackles' birthday post for misha where he used the heart. 'call him bro, that makes it less obvious. nailed it.'

Lol I'm off for a few days and come back to total chaos... God I missed it here

Like the "et tu... #bravo" tweet? Made my day! Frikking hilarious (every time I see it I picture J*red with a pissy frech accent saying it out loud lol) it's just such an incredibly petty hissy fit he threw (I know he tweeted more later on but... Really all that stuff coming afterwards just sounds like damage control)

Missed you Rose

-🐻

LOVE the french accent detail im gonna do this too sdjfhsjfh missed you toooo!!!!

Oh man Misha is really gonna get hate for that I KNOW IT

sigh well. nothing he isnt used to by now, unfortunately

i mean i believe they feel like brothers, but constantly falling back on the “brother” thing to keep up appearances is really starting to feel like “#spnfamily” at this point.

honestly brothers can be very annoying, or so i have heard, so it fits with the fallout theory lmao

They actually said if we’re gonna make this gay we cannot have Jar*d Pad*lecki involved

oh my God this is the funniest timeline to ever exist God bless I’m just waiting to canon bi Mary

king shit tbh

[alfredosauce50]

would you be down to do 2p china hc’s? im very curious on how you characterize him!

I’m down! I’m guessing you figured I had my own interpretation of the guy after I answered an ask saying I’d write for him. I really like 2p! China as a character, but I have to say, I haven’t properly written for him before. Nevertheless, I’ll give you my thoughts on him as a person!

2p! China Headcanons

Zao’s appearance doesn’t give away much of his personality. He’s got a bit of a baby face, and he has a sociable and pleasant demeanor for the most part. So if you didn’t know him well enough to see past those traits, you would be surprised at how shady he can be.

Appearance

Like his 1p counterpart, his dark brown hair goes past his shoulders and is tied back in a low ponytail. It’s pretty thin too, so it stays flat against his back. But that’s what makes it look so good. He isn’t the tallest guy out there, as he stands around 170cm or 5′7″. Doesn’t mean you can easily take him out in a fight, though. He’s quite slender, but he’s muscular and knows a few martial arts to boot.

He has a lot of tattoos, and he doesn’t try to hide them. He has dragons curling down his arms, as well as Chinese characters etched into his back. Most of the time, he wears traditional clothing, such as a sleeveless Tang suit, so his arms are exposed. It’s almost as if the colors black and red were made for him. And he knows it. So unless he’s having a bad day where he’ll go for a simple T-shirt, he likes to dress to impress. Not that he even needs to try.

He’s devilishly attractive, and the way he talks gets girls flocking to him.

Personality

Zao is very easy-going and open-minded. He’ll talk about anything with anyone. Everything is fascinating in a way, and nothing seems to faze him either. So he’s the type to question the most trivial things in life--or list drugs as casually as you would your favorite candy bars. It’s also difficult to shock him, or anger him. When life deals him a bad hand, or springs up inconveniences, he’ll go with the flow because that’s life. So unless something involves the person he likes, he keeps himself pretty level-headed.

With his willingness to talk about anything, comes his brutal honesty and bluntness. So sometimes, he’ll find himself offending people even if he never meant to. If he does this to women, they’ll slap him before storming off, leaving him in confusion at what he did wrong. But if he does this to men, he’ll have to be quick on his feet to escape a potential fight. Unlike a few other 2ps, he has a good temperament so he avoids violence, but he’ll resort to it if he absolutely has to.

Despite the careers he’s depicted to have, like being a drug-dealer, something in adult entertainment, night-life, or anything illegal, he has strong fraternal instincts. If somebody embodied the “big brother” trope, it would be him. He cares a lot for his younger siblings, and they look up to him as a role model. But he’ll always tell them, “Do as I say, not as I do!” As comfortable as he is in his own skin, his own identity, he wouldn’t want them taking after him.

He’s very flirtatious, and a huge tease. How he shows he likes you is through making you blush, or embarrassed. He’ll call you pet names. Shower you with compliments. Refer to you as if you and him are already an item. If you bumped into him at a grocery store, he’ll help you shop, then say, “So, is that all we need? I can’t wait for dinner tonight.” Zao is also unapologetically dirty-minded. He’s all about dirty jokes, conversations, and gestures. The bigger reaction he gets, the more addicting they are.

He doesn’t have any qualifications, not even a high school diploma, but he’s street-smart to make up for it. That’s how he makes so many connections and hustles his way up to the top in shady businesses. If you need something, anything, legal or illegal, expensive or cheap, you can ask him, and 99% of the time, he’ll say, “I know a guy.” If he likes you, all he wants in return is something perverted. A kiss, maybe. Or maybe your underwear.

Interests

He loves anything cute, and he doesn’t hide it. Sanrio is a must--he keeps a collection of their plushies, most of them being Hello Kitty, but he also likes other characters such as Cinnamoroll and Pompompurin. Sometimes, he can get a bit obsessive over whatever sells fast. So if he has to, he’ll stay up and keep refreshing the page selling whatever he has his eyes on. If he’s infamous for his connections that let him get pretty much anything he wants, surely he can get his hands on the limited-edition Hello Kitty-themed towel, right!? He isn’t against having other kinds of merchandise either, like household items, but he keeps it lowkey for functionality.

In his house, you’ll find a lot of imports from East-Asian countries. Not only is he used to using them when he was back in China, they’re better than what you can find in America. Or at least, in his opinion. This includes cosmetics, snacks, alcohol, and decorations.

Although he doesn’t have a lot of time to, he enjoys watching anime. That’s why he makes sure to get through the most popular and mainstream ones first.

Zao likes to keep connected with his culture. He doesn’t care to assimilate, and being ‘different’ doesn’t bother him at all--he thinks it’s what gives him a unique personality and background. Since he doesn’t have a lot of friends to speak Mandarin with, he’ll look for his neighbors who can, and strike up a conversation every now and then. As well as that, he’ll give his siblings red pockets for Chinese New Year so they can spend it on food, videogames or whatever they want.

He can’t cook for shit. Even then, he has strong opinions on food, especially Chinese. While he enjoys westernised take out like Panda express, he wishes people would stop assuming Chinese cuisine is just dumplings, fried rice, noodles and yum cha. They’re B-tier at best. For a country with that rich and long a history, there’s so much more to indulge in. Too bad he can’t make anything if he tried.

Psychology + romance

Zao is used to being a second choice. His cheerfulness and bluntness make other people think he’s creepy or weird, so he can’t quite wrap his head around somebody liking him to that degree--or getting particularly close to him. At least, emotionally. There are a lot of girls who want him for one-night stands. But this doesn’t stop him from flirting with someone he genuinely likes, even if he doesn’t expect anything in return. It’s fun because they get flustered, after all. But when they start returning the same energy, get persistent, or even make him suspect that they like him back, he will get nervous. He’s used to being the chaser, not the other way around. So if the tables turn and things start getting real, he will back away.

As confident as he is with his image, it’s difficult for him to get intimate with somebody romantically. He’s open, but can’t be vulnerable. He’d rather keep things casual, so when he really falls for someone, he’ll be conflicted between keeping things the way they are, or pursuing them.

Eventually, these feelings will deepen to the point being just friends becomes suffocating. That’s when Zao loses his cool and gets frustrated. It could happen due to a build-up of his emotions, or an event that makes him explode from jealousy. He’ll get desperate after so long of not doing anything and make it very clear he wants you. “Just date me already!”

When he finally gets together with you, prepare to be coddled. He’ll want to help you with anything the best way he can, and go to extreme lengths to do so. Nothing seems extreme when it’s for somebody he cares so much about. While he never holds it against you--how much he does for you--he may or may not guilt trip you into giving him more affection. But only subtly. Instead of him kissing you, he'll loiter around your presence until you kiss him. And when you do, he’ll smile like an idiot.

He never makes it explicit when he wants to take you out on a date. Zao will just ask you if you’re free, and take you out for the night. He doesn’t see a point in labelling it as a ‘date’, because he doesn’t just see quality time with you through a romantic and sexual lens. He values the friendship aspect of it as well, and you really appreciate him for it.

Zao loves to cuddle. He doesn’t hug you much throughout the day, but when you’re at home and about to sleep, he will hug you, a lot. He won’t let go while he talks to you, and will only loosen his coils when you fall asleep.

Acknowledgements

I was mainly inspired by the 2p! China in the story, “Dragon District”, written by xYourHero. So props to them. The fandom’s perception of him has definitely deepened because of it, and it’s great seeing underrated 2ps finally getting the attention they deserve! I’m one of the people who’s had my characterization of Zao take after hers, so I’ll also be crediting her for my headcanons.

You can find the story on DeviantArt, Archive of our own and Wattpad. I adored that fic back in the day. Such good memories. I wasn’t even writing back when I was reading it. Any who, let’s get right into it. I’ve divided the headcanons into subcategories, appearance, personality, interests, and psychology + romance.

(Look at this fanart is by Amphany on DeviantArt. It was drawn for xYourHero. I’m gonna put it here for reference. https://www.deviantart.com/amphany/art/Dragon-smoke-548426383)

[virtual-luvr]

Gala

☇Pairing: Jumin Han x Reader

☇Pronouns: male; he/him

☇Warning: none that i can think of <3

☇Description: Jumin wasn't planning on getting this emotional, especially at a gala.

☇Note: part two of couch nap for @luckymunchkin ! I got a lil emotional while writing that ending though-

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Poor Jaehee, she had to see all of your guy's advances towards each other

Like right now too.

Jaehee currently stood in front of her boss and best friend, said best friend leaning on heR bosses desk and sending flirty remarks.

'OKAY WE GET IT YOUR G A Y AND IN LOVE', that's what she wished she could scream out right now.

But, alas, if she did she would get embarrassed by all her coworkers AND she knows you would just say

"Is someone jealous~"

And she is not about to deal with her bullshit.

Jumin sits there leaning out of his chair while conversation with you looking like he about to fall off it. Especially when you grazed your hand against his cheek to swipe a strand of his hair behind his ear.

You guys just wouldn't stop flIRTING.

Jaehee grunts as she holds on as tight as possible to the documents in her hands. Quite frustrated with the fact her boss stole her best friends attention from her and also now she has to deal with you flirting every two seconds.

You were still flabbergasted by his actions so you basically heard not even half of what he just said.

At this point people thought you worked for Jumin, i mean, you did spend a lot of time at his office now a days-

You and Jumin hurridly try to collect yourselves as you hear Jaehee give out a small coff.

"Jaehee yes, what is it you need?" Jumin says

You play and fidget with the things on Jumin desk as Jumin and Jaehee talk. Jumin tries his best not to get distracted by it but your excessive pen clicking was hurting his ears.

As Jaehee backs away to her desk Jumin lets out a grunt and puts his hand on top of yours.

"Stop that"

"Heyyy, i can't help it"

"Ill buy you something to fidget with just not my pen"

He always tried to buy you stuff, and even thought you knew he was rich RICH, you still didn't want to annoy him or something.

As you open your mouth to decline him he shushes you up, putting a finger to your lips and standing up from his chair he gives you a small glare

"Shush, also I need you for something"

"Hm?" You hum out and as you look up at him you're surprised with his face close to yours and his hands trapping you on the desk.

If i could accurately describe your thoughts right now im pretty sure it would be something along the lines of "&*$'.×$:_×€:(*€:*_:$*€:,*_€**€#,_*"

His stare is intense as he talks, "My father wants me to bring someone to a gala he's prepared. I don't have anyone, but im sure you might like the idea of a good evening or something"

He stands back from you, slightly adjusting his nicely done cuffs and waits for your answer.

You were not expecting that.

Giving out a small, "sure", and running off your face as hot as the sun and your breath shaky. In the small portion of time you had been obviously flirting he had NEVER done something like that.

------------

As you pick out your clothes Jaehee is screaming through the phone.

"(Y/N)...we are talking about a HAN gala, there is no way i can calm down. This has to be as perfect as can be"

"JAEHEE CALM DOWN" you yell out as you hurriedly put on your clothes.

"Ill tell Jumin to go easier on you okay, you've been working really hard. Take a break, everything is perfect already anyways Jaehee"

Her words elicit an ugly laugh out of you, never in a million years would you believe that, there's no way.

You hear Jaehee heavily sigh through the phone, "thank you..i know he'll listen to you. You have him wrapped around your finger, you know that right?"

"Its the truth!!"

"Whatever Jaehee, ill see you there" you lightly shake your head and hang up, doing any last details and shaking off any dust that might be on your clothes.

When you get there you're met with the beautiful sight of fairy lights and different colors.

As you walk out you meet Jumins eyes and he softly smiles at you. He usually doesn't do that but he's been doing it much more lately.

Giving your hand a kiss he pats the seat beside him, your blush does not go unnoticed and he lets out a light chuckle.

You grumble as he tells the driver to start the car, after a while you get more comfortable and you make conversation as you get to the gala.

Opening the door you're met with flashes and blinding light. You try to cover your eyes but you flinch as Jumins hand comes into contact with your back.

He ignores everyone around him except the corporates who gave out a wave and nice greetings, leading you to a less crowded area he tells you he has something important to do and now you sit there waiting for him to calm back.

He doesn't give out any reaction, he just slowly walks you through the crowd of people and leave you to the grand entrance.

Zen excitedly picks you up, your feet hover over the ground as you try to hug him as best as possible.

Damn you Jumin, im not good at this stuff.

Hearing an oh so familiar laugh you look all around you, trying to find the culprit as soon as possible.

As you walk around a corner you see familiar head of hair.

There he was!

Giving a light tap to his shoulder you smirk when Zen gives you a bright eyed smile

"Miss me?"

No matter what, damn this man is strong-

"He's here!"

All of you were having a good time until Jaehees breath hitches and she hurriedly gives you the champagne bottle she had in her hands just moments ago.

As you look beyond Zens shoulder you see Jaehee.

"Oh im so sorry, was I interrupting your conversation?" Oh god now you feel bad. You thought he was alone-

"No no, you were just the person i was looking for. We missed you"

You smile at Zen and Jaehee, giving Jaehee a quick hug and engaging in conversation. It was more of Zen flexing his acting and you and Jaehee both being amazed.

Both Jaehee and Zen turn a pale white. Zen stutters before giving you a, "peace out", and running away. Jaehee chasing him, right on his tail.

"Is everything okay-"

You were about to ask up until you felt a slight warmth behind you, looking behind your shoulder you're met with Jumins cold glare.

Damn, so that's how it is huh.

That hurt, thats hurt more then it should have. He doesn't even try to look at you in the eyes, he just keeps looking out at the scenery.

You chuckle nervously as you turn around to meet Jumins eyes

He notices your eyes piercing through him and he huffs, he turns away from you and walks through the crowd. You follow as best as you can, trying not to lose sight of him.

You reach a balcony and you see him resting on the railing, the wind made his hair flow beautifully.

But as much as you wanted to admire him, you knew you guys had to talk.

"Whats wrong?" You go and put your hand on his back like he did to you less than an hour ago but he only pushes it away

"Its fine"

"No its not, whats wro-"

"Can you leave me alone please? I don't want to talk to you or see you right now, its annoying"

It works a little but he knows he needs to go look for you now. Budging the door open he swiftly walks through the crowd once again and as he maps out the second floor of the mansion he knows you're not around here.

When Jumin hears the door to the balcony slam shut he knew he had fucked up.

He panics for a second, running his hand through his hair. Trying to calm his laboring breath and bad thoughts.

"Im sorry, i was jealous of your interactions with Zen. I know you're entitled to all your own emotions but seeing you with him makes my heart ache. I don't know what this feeling is, its so foreign. But i know i don't like seeing you so close to him, I thought we were close-" he chocked up while confessing to you, you grab onto the fabric of his vest as he cries into your shoulder

His shoes click each time he takes another step and he practically skips as many steps as he humanly can while walking down the staircase.

The gala was a big, and so was the crowd. But even so, he was able to pinpoint your head through the whole crowd and he runs after you. Not giving a single care about what everyone in the crowd thought.

He tries not to make a scene so with his long legs he goes up behind you and takes you into one of the spare bedrooms.

"Jumin let me go" you barely fight him off, you don't have any energy to. But you know he would obey what you had to say, and just as you thought he let you go.

He suddenly grabs onto you and hugs you close.

You run your hands through his hair. As much as his words hurt, you also know he would never be this emotional around others. So you know he's telling the truth

"Im sorry, please, I didn't mean that I swear. It just came out, I promise i wont do it again. Please don't leave, please-"

Well to him at least it did seem embarrassing, he was raised this way after all.

"Sh sh, i forgive you"

"You do?" He hiccups, his voice is groagy now, he hasn't cried like this in so long. It felt good but also so incredibly embarrassing to do it in front of the person he loved so much.

His hands were glued to the small of your back and his thumb rubbed soft and smooth traces against your skin.

You give his forehead a soft peck and the smile he had that evening finally came back.

He barely thought his actions through before he had you in a close embrace and his lips were against yours.

Your hands were still in his hair and a sigh slips past his lips as he presses his lips harder against yours.

You eyelashes flutter open as he pulls away, but when your eyes meet he closes the gap once again.

If you could stay like this forever you would.

You push away from just a little so you can look at his expression better, his expressions tells you everything. He truly is so, so happy in this moment.

After another passionate kiss he gives out soft pecks to your lips as you both smile, hearts content

"I've never been this happy"

And you wouldn't want it any other way. Seeing Jumin this happy made you just as happy.

You can't help but kiss him again as you see him smile and look at you with soft but loving eyes.

"Is this a good time to say I love you" you say as you chuckle

[1956 words; aug/25/2020]

[shyrose57]

Brothers anon, im gonna start combing the two separate submissions again cause its getting too short to have them separate I think?

1: His possession messed with memories Ranbob had before, so memories of school friends or playing with Ran were distant to erased. Though after Dreams possession it was also harder to make and keep memories. But thankfully as Ranbob was recovering from Dream and got futher away making memories came eaiser to him, though he'll never get back the memories he lost. 

3: Oh he would very quickly grow to regret his decision, but it would be funny. And Benjamin would later admit that while it was annoying and stressful, it was also fun and he was very happy to have his two families meet and generally get along. 

8: Everyone is just in shocked silence before Cletus just goes "YEAHHHHHHHHHH!" Oddly happy that Ranboo committed so much arson. Oh definitely, after all the outcasts of society where put there. Of course people would make such negative rumors about Mizu and treat the people as the scum of the earth. Though this also means, people don't know what happened in Mizu, and anyone who knows, view it in a more happy and a "Their finally gone" type of way, then viewing it as the tragedy it was. 

Spoons is a card game technically. A group of people sit in a group and everyone gets 4 cards, and you keep discarding at least 1 card of yours to the person on your left, who then does the same to their person on their left, the last person in the group puts a card into a discard pile. The goal is to get 4 of the same cards, and once someone gets 4 of the same cards, that person goes and grabs a spoon in a pile in front of them (let's say there's 5 players, theres only going to be 4 spoons cause there's always a spoon less than the people playing), once they grab one anyone can grab a spoon. And the person who doesn't get a spoon gets a S added to them, once Spoons is spelled the person gets out of the game, and a spoon gets removed to continue the game. Basically for flowers its played the exact same way but with flowers in the middle expect for spoons.

11: I just imagine Dream sulking in a corner as you yell at him and him going like "well I didn't know…" as he kicks a stone. And he wasnt sure what it was, but quickly jumped on the idea that maybe it was the fact that Ran was still alive somewhere, and that that's causing Ranbob to willingly let himself become weak and defy him. Causing Dream to become angrier at Ran and punish Ranbob harder. 

----

3: During the brothers fight in the storm, and after everyone runs off to find Ranbob, Ran is left alone. And he decides to just wander off into the storm, not protecting himself from the rain so he does get burnt. The whole time he's lost deep in thought and isn't really paying attention. He continues to wander for a whole day unfollowed (because after the Gladiators and Fishermen came back to the cave after finding Ranbob they are in no rush to find Ran and decide to look for him after the storm passes, which takes a full day) and at some point Raq finds him wandering. Which Raq then uses Rans distraction to his advantage and attacks him. At first only really the gladiators where concerned when they found Ran gone. But once they found him blinded and terrified everyone felt awful and a looming sense of guilt. And everyone continued to feel that way, even after they got the antidote and Ran started to see again.

4: They would just leave Ranbob alone and check in on him every now and again. But generally let him deal with it himself. They'd feel guilty leaving him alone, but they also know that they can't really do anything for him as their not prepared or briefed on how to help him in this situation. 

10: Oh definitely, even with Ran blinded they would've been kicked out immediately for fighting, without even a second glance. Dont forget, Ran still cares for his brother. And maybe, losing his sight made him face the side of him that wanted to become family again with Ranbob, maybe it brought enough to light that he just can't ignore it anymore. Mostly only negative potions can be permanent, like posion, blinding, wither, and nausea (I know the last like 3/2 are effects but they've also found a way to make effects into potions.). You already know what a antidote for blindness would be. A antidote for wither would be, a ghast tear (actually a basic ingredient for almost every antidote), blaze powder, and glistening melon to make a overpowered healing potion. Antidote for posion would be ghast tear, swiftness (so it acts fast to get rid of the posion), and the 3rd ingredient depends on what kind of posion it  was (posion that has a side effect of constricting or filling the lungs with water? Pufferfish and Turtle shell for last ingredients. Posion that has weakness? Blaze powder, and glistening melon) And antidote for nausea would be ghast tear, and potion of slowness to allow the person to slowly feel better, so their nausea doesn't hit them all at once before disappearing, which can cause them to throw up or have side effects. 

13: Thats exactly what they did. 

14: Jackie will 100% attempt to fight God and no one can stop him. :) (to be honest im not sure yet, I know I want to do more with Raq and have the idea that maybe he could be the person that finds Dream and gets him out of Mizu, but that's pretty often used in stories and I want to try to think of something more unique. Maybe I'll have it so Raq actually manages to capture the brothers or at least one of them and uses them as blackmail?)

15: When Ranbob was a child and Ran was just a baby Ranbob would often take Ran out of his crib and take him to go watch the fish swim by. When Ran was old enough he'd follow Ranbob everywhere, even a few times he managed to sneak into Ranbobs class room and almost wasn't caught. Ran got extremely clingy one day and managed to gather his haunting all up into his arms and carried them around, even though he was obviously struggling. And Ranbob used to complain about his teachers and idiotic classmates whenever he got home, which is funny when you consider Ran was very impressiable at the time and Ran started mimicking Ranbob, leading to him cursing, much to Ranbobs dismay. 

And im curious, do you have any questions that I havent answered? Or do you have any ideas for anything? I'd love to hear whatever you have to say about anything honestly!

Course! I dont have much lore wise other than they go to Kelalen and when they hear Dream is still around they decide to stay back to help fight him. But the idea I have is that Karl is just kinda hanging with everyone I listed, talking about allies or treaties when his time traveling clock/watch starts to go off, and he panics, but sadly in his haste to stop it he makes it worse and it grabs everyone, where they end up in the future. After hours of confusion and explaining they calm down. When 2 days later they find the Gladiator and Fishermen group, at first Karl is strongly against going to then for help, but everyone basically ignores him and go to ask for help. Hours of explanation and proof giving later the GF (Gladiator and Fishermen, got tired of writing it out) group sadly tells them that they cant really help. Until Ran (who was previously gone searching the surrounding area and making sure it was safe) appears high up on a tree (cause I just can't get the image of Ran on a tree and looking comfortable and confident as hell out of my head), and says that maybe Kelalen can help, if not going to Foolish may be a good alternative. Isaac, and Grievous are extremely against going back (at this time a 2 months have past since they left Kelalen)n saying it could be dangerous but Ran just aboustely shoots them down, along with Watson and Jackie agreeing with Ran, and Karls group agreeing to it. They head off to Kelalen. And Jackie is extremely excited at the potential of going to see Foolish finally. And it'd probably be like a sub au where the brothers au is the main backbone for it but at a certain point it separates from the au and becomes its own.

1: Okay, ouch. Can you imagine if Ran brought one of those memories up, and just had Ranbob look confused, or horrified, depending on how quick he realizes what happened? How would Ran react to that realization, both before and after he forgives Ranbob?

3: If nothing else, everyone got some laughs from it-even Benjamin, once his friends were far, far away from his family and not able to teach them more chaos. 

8: Cletus, why are you so happy? Do you just enjoy knowing chaos existed back then? Are you an arsonist? What’s up with you? 

Also, wow. Not cool, other city people, that’s very mean.

Spoons sounds like it’s interesting, I might try it sometime. Did the group just have those cards on them? What other games did they have?

11: Good, put Dream back in the corner, I’m gonna be yelling more. Because, seriously dude? I know you probably exist solely out of spite, but c’mon. Admittedly, from a certain point of view, it could be considered amusing that your first thought was that Ranbob was making himself weaker out of defiance/spite but like. From a more responsible and mature viewpoint, that’s incredibly stupid, and I-just. Buddy, hate to tell you, but I’m pretty sure that’d just be a you thing. Besides you were in Ranbob’s head, didn’t he think Ran was dead? It doesn’t even make sense. Good lord, I’m half-tempted to get the broom and chase you around like you’re a particularly unruly barn cat. 

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3: First of all, that sounds really scary for Ran. Second of all, are we getting an overprotective arc?

4: Kind of sad, but understandable, they’re dealing with the situation as best they can.

10: Even if the group was provoked by the townspeople? Potions sound really cool, wish I could make those in real life, tbh.

13: W-what do you mean ���that’s exactly what they did’? Anon, is your friend, like, a legit gremlin? I’m spooked. 

14: Foolish takes one look at Jackie, wearing a smile that exactly matched Tubbo’s when he was about to cause chaos, and immediately nopes out of that. He knows that face, and he will not be getting tangled into a fight with a goblin child today, no sir. I’m sure Jackie tries regardless though. (Also, that sounds like that goes horribly, do we get an overprotective ender-sibling, for whoever gets captured or used as blackmail, if that’s what you do?)

15: I love all of these so much, oh my gosh. Baby Ran seeing the fishes and following his big brother around. Poor Ranbob’s face when his baby brother cursed one day, Ran trying to carry all of his haunting. I’m in tears, honestly. 

Umm...I can’t think of anything right now, to be honest. If I ever do have a question or idea though, I’ll through it on the Brothers AU tag for you to check out, I guess. 

Oh, this sounds really cool. The part about them just ignoring their local time traveler when they’ve just time traveled particularly amuses me, as does Jackie wanting to see Foolish-I feel like Foolish may be a little more than terrified to see both Tubbo and Jackie back, honestly. Why was Ran willing to help them so much? What did they do to offer proof? How did Ranbob react once they proved who they were? How does all the group get along? Are they Ranboo’s haunting, and if so, if Ranboo gets close with his descendants, does he merge his hauntings with theirs? How does the time group feel about the Brothers fighting, and Ranbob’s possession?

[normal-thoughts-official]

With a little help from your friends (the help is praise kink and the friend is your boyfriend)

Who would have thought that fucking your boyfriend senseless cures dysphoria.

Alternatively: being a dom is actually something that can be so gender,

Fandom: It Lives (Visual Novels)

Pairing: Andy Kang/Tom Sato

Additional tags: let's see, mild mentions of transphobic and racist comments, Comfort Sex, the filthiest comfort sex uve ever seen but WHATEVER, dom andy kang, sub tom sato, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Dom/sub Play, Collars, Praise Kink, basically someone says transphobic shit and then tom rides him and talks about how wonderful andy is, except tom has also been in denial for a few days and he's super horny, and andy gets in domspace and everything is great and nothing hurts, Fluff and Smut, Humor, cuz u know these two are incapable of taking anything too seriously, Established Relationship, oh they're both in college and they go to the same college cuz i said so, set after the events of it lives beneath, that's it I think, trans author if that matters to you

Read it on Ao3

Andy isn't having a great day. It's not a terrible, clawing-at-his-chest-trying-to-deal-with-dysphoria kind of day, but he's been trying out this "not comparing everything to the worst possible scenario" thing his therapist has been talking about, so still, not a great day.

The thing is, he thought college would be easier. And it is, in a lot of ways. For starters, there is no evil monster spectre trying to kill him, which gives college at least 5 points over high school. And his uni has a pretty solid queer club, so he knows other trans people there. Some of them are even non-white. Some of them he even actually, truly likes. And most of the time, he feels like he has a place to turn to, and people to support him. He's not alone. He has people who get him. And that makes all the difference.

But basketball is still a nightmare, and his knee still hurts when it's cold, and winter is officially starting now.

People still hesitate to pass the ball to him, and it's frustrating, because Andy fought so hard to earn his old team's trust and now he's back at square zero. And well, Andy has been gaining this team's trust, because he's good, goddamn it, and his team owes at least the last three victories to him. He's not hesitant to say that, especially because otherwise no one will. And he can see that they look at him differently now - nod at him in the hallways, at least, talk to him in the locker room, pass him the fucking ball if his position is very, very open.

But if he weren't trans and Asian, he wouldn't have had to work so hard to get all of that - or well, just that, really. He has a full sports scholarship despite the fact that he had a broken leg, had to retake his last year of high school, and doesn't even have the body type for basketball. If he weren't Asian, if he weren't trans, his team would have assumed his greatness from day one. Instead, he has to show it to them time and time again only to get them to reluctantly admit maybe he's not bad. No one calls him "triple threat" anymore, but he still has to work three times harder than anyone else, and it's frustrating.

And usually Andy can deal with it, but right now his knee hurts, and he can't afford that because he'll lose everything he's worked for if his teammates know that his fucking knee hurts. So, he braved training and then he got the fuck out of there without even changing so no one would see him wince. Which means he's still in basketball shorts, which are short, in the cold, which means his leg hurts more.

At times like these, he's thankful he never got the chance to go through with his promise to break his other leg kicking Noah's ass. Because he would have, and then both his legs would be hurting right now, and two legs that hurt every time it's cold is just too many legs.

No comparing to the worst possible scenario, he tells himself. Therapy is so hard. If he had known there would be homework, he would have thought twice about going.

And that's, apparently, the cue for his phone to go off. Andy smiles, knowing who it is even before he opens the message, because only one person messages him during class, and it's the only person he wants to hear from right now.

Tom <3 sent you a message

Grinning like a fool, he opens it.

Tom <3: dude, im horny af rn. the fuck

Finally, good news, Andy thinks, smiling. Then he remembers why Tom is so horny, and suddenly this day is great, actually.

He quickly types a reply.

You: who wouldve thought that 3 days of denial would make this happen

Tom <3: ill have u kno i was very good at holding it together before today

You: yeah, dw. soon u wont have to hold it anymore ;)

Tom <3: that flirt was terrible, dude

You: said the guy whos calling me dude for the second time in this conversation

Tom <3: what else should i call u? 😩

Andy thinks for a second. Tom and him do longer-term denial every once in a while, but they aren't in a 24/7 relationship. Does Andy really want to go there right now? Yes. Well, that was fast. Okay then.

You: how about "sir"

Tom's reply comes fast as lightning.

Tom <3: Yes, Sir.

Andy smirks at himself.

You: uve been hoping that id say that, havent u?

Tom types for just a little longer this time.

Tom <3: Yes, Sir.

----

Many things are wrong with the world, and Andy doesn't mean to make light of the other things, but the fact that Andy can't simply go and fuck his boyfriend whenever he wants is definitely one of them. It should be, like, financial compensation or something. We're so sorry the school environment is transphobic, here, have a free sex pass. Sounds fair to him. But instead, he still has two hours of classes to go through, and Andy is a better guy than he wishes he was, so he tells Tom to pay attention to class instead of sexting him, because he doesn't want Tom to struggle even more with his course when he had already had to leave it once. God damn true love or whatever.

The point is, by the time classes are finally over, his day is back to not being that great; he's tired, and his leg hurts. He gets to their car after Tom does, and Tom takes one look at him, and says, "I'm driving".

Andy crosses his arms. "Why?"

"Because your leg hurts," Tom answers, rolling his eyes and taking Andy's bag from him and putting it in the trunk.

Andy looks down at his legs. He wasn't limping. There aren't any bruises. How the hell-

"It's cold and you're in shorts. I'm not an idiot, dude."

Right. Yeah. Right. Of course. Tom knows. It's… It's alright.

"Bad day at training?" Tom asks, slowly, sympathetically, and Andy feels himself settle in his skin a little bit.

"The usual," he answers, getting inside, and, as always, Tom gets the hint.

---

Their uni's dorms are gender-segregated because these guys have still not gotten the memo that people of the same gender fuck; and Andy wasn't willing to deal with cis college guys' bullshit, much less cis college girls' bullshit; and the uni wouldn't let him simply pick Tom as his roommate. So, they rented out a beat up apartment right next to it instead. It took a little longer to get there, but it wasn't a lot longer, and well, it was worth it.

Tom gets inside, still carrying Andy's bag because he's transphobic and unfair and had taken it and bolted up running so Andy wouldn't have a chance to argue with him. And Andy can't run after him with his leg hurting, which kind of proves Tom's point that he should carry Andy's bag. All in all, Tom is the worst, and he turns up the heat as soon as he gets inside and sits Andy down on the bed, kneeling in front of him to take a look at Andy's knee.

He's silent for a while, massaging his knee until Andy sighs and throws his head back, before Tom plants a little kiss on his knee and looks up at him. Andy's knee always stops hurting when Tom kisses it better. It's a little embarrassing, if Andy is being honest, but still- nice. Really nice.

They stay for a little longer like this, Tom humming and massaging his knee and Andy not meeting his eyes, until the question inevitably comes.

"What happened?" Tom asks, not letting up with the smooth movements of his hands, his eyes big and sincere with worry.

"Nothing. Just the cold. You know how my knee gets."

"I meant, for you to leave practice without putting some warmer clothes on."

Andy looks away. "It was nothing."

"Dude, are you expecting me to go, 'okay, yeah, that totally makes sense and I believe you', or…?"

Andy laughs, despite himself, and throws his good leg up in an almost-kick to pretend he's retaliating. "Don't be an ass."

"I'm not. Come on, Andy. You know you can tell me."

"It's nothing, it's just- Kyle-"

"Oh boy."

Andy laughs. "Yeah." But then he grows serious, "the thing is, he doesn't mean any harm, you know? I know he's not saying it to hurt me, and so that just means that, like... that it's true."

Tom's hands stop their movements, rubbing soothing circles around his knee instead. "What did he say?"

Andy doesn't look at him. "He asked me why I didn't stay on the women's team. Said that I could have an advantage, cuz Asian people are androgynous anyway, so no one would notice that I was taking hormones."

Tom just stares at him in shock for a moment.

"And I was like, 'dude, I've been on T for three years, I'm pretty sure they would notice the changes'. And he was like, 'yeah, but you still look like a lot of Asian girls with short hair, you could write it off if you wanted', and I just…" He trails off.

Tom waits in silence for a second, seeing if Andy finds his words, before asking, "Is Kyle, like, okay?"

Andy scoffs. "I didn't try and fight him, if that's what you're asking."

"No, I mean, does this dude have a screw loose or something?"

"He's very bad at figuring out what is or isn't offensive, yeah, but it's not like he really cares, he just won't go out of his way to antagonize me."

"No, I just- Andy, even when you were a little kid with huge pigtails, anyone would have to be crazy to see you as a girl."

Andy bites the inside of his lip. "You're just saying that."

"I'm not. It's just wrong, man. It was so obvious that it was wrong. Anyone could tell. There's nothing about you that says 'girl' to anyone who's looking."

Andy sighs, finally risking looking at Tom's eyes. There's overwhelming sincerity there, and Andy instinctively looks away. "I guess. Maybe. I don't know. It just got me thinking... Maybe T didn't change anything. Maybe I look exactly the same, maybe it was just hopeful thinking that had me thinking it would change anything, maybe it's just- pointless to even try-"

"No, no, come on," Tom says, and the interruption is so sudden it makes Andy look at him again, just in time to see Tom shaking his head vigorously. "There's no way you believe that. What about this bad boy over here?" He smiles, reaching out softly to caress Andy's neck. "You have more of an Adam's Apple than me, dude. And we both know you don't need T to be a guy, but thinking it made no difference is just crazy and you know it. What about those dry pecs? These broad shoulders of yours? Your voice, I mean, come on. You even smell different, man. How can it be pointless, if even your scent is different?"

Andy looks to the side again, but he can feel himself smile. "Well, when you put it like that..."

Tom gets up, but stays close, putting his hand on Andy's cheek, slowly, as if testing the waters, before turning him slightly to look at him. "Andy. Kyle is an idiot and a transphobic racist who's too damn lazy to realize how fucked up he is. And you shouldn't have to deal with that, and I'm sorry, and I will set him on fire."

Andy laughs. "You can't keep threatening to set every shitty teammate I have on fire."

"I can, because it keeps making you laugh," Tom says, smiling. Well. Andy can't argue with that. "My point is, you wouldn't listen to a word this dude says if it were about anyone else, so don't listen to him when he talks about you, okay? T or no T, you're no girl, and you don't look like a girl, and regardless of whether or not Kyle's dumb ass noticed it, your transition has been doing you good. Remember when your voice started to crack and get all weird? I've never seen anyone be that happy about it."

Andy laughs. "It was pretty awful."

"No, it was great, 'cause you loved it. Do you want me to pull out the 'before' pictures we took in case this happened? Look at yourself, dude. You fit so much better in your own skin, you know? And like, you've always been gorgeous, but-"

"Come here," Andy interrupts, pulling him down because Tom is standing and Andy is sitting and Andy is already height-challenged. And Tom goes willingly, carefully straddling Andy's lap and meeting him in a kiss. Finally, Andy thinks.

Tom kisses him softly, slowly, one hand resting on the back of Andy's head and the other draped lazily over his shoulder, as he usually does, all gentle and a little hesitant, and Andy is having none of that. So he grabs Tom's hair and deepens the kiss, bringing him closer until their chests are flushed together and he can feel Tom's hips mindlessly making little circles against Andy's belly.

They separate - or well, stop kissing, really, because Tom is still as close to Andy as physically possible, and Andy feels about ready to shoot anyone who tries to push him further away. Tom's a little breathless, and his hips are still making these almost imperceptible movements against Andy, and Andy realizes that he's still grabbing Tom's hair and that he's a little breathless, too.

Tom looks down at him for a second, as if debating something with himself, before saying, "and like, not to be horny during a serious moment, but since we're talking about the effects of T... Andy. Andy. Your clit. Fuck. It's so huge now, and it's got a visible head and you can fuck my face and everything, and I could sing it praises for a week and probably will if you don't stop me right now."

"Hmm, but I like it when you sing me praises," he smiles. "Keep going."

"God, I was hoping you'd say that. Do you have any idea how much I've been thinking about it today? I didn't hear a single word anyone said to me, all I could think about was you fucking my face, pulling my hair, making me worship you and beg to be allowed to suck you off, I wanna serve you like you're my God." Tom's hips start to jerk up, more visibly this time, shameless, and see, this is why Andy's been really, really liking this whole denial thing - Tom has only started to explore his subby side recently, a little ashamed of it to admit it to anyone, even himself. But when he's horny enough, he gets shameless and desperate about what he wants, and god, nothing is more beautiful than Tom when he asks for what he wants. He feels something growing inside of him, not sure if it's warmth or heat, but seeing Tom like that, wanting him, needing him, definitely makes him feel so much better.

"Yeah?" Andy asks, tracing a finger over Tom's shoulder, close to his neck, just to give him goosebumps.

"Fuck yes, I want it so bad, and you deserve it too, Andy… Sir. You're the best Sir I could ask for, I just want… Want you to use me, want you to cum on me, want to kiss you all over and worship you and pleasure you, you're so gorgeous..." He hides his face in Andy's shoulder for a bit, but his hips don't stop moving. He whines, "Andy..."

"Address me properly," Andy snaps, feeling the edges of worry clear from his mind and giving way to that wonderful feeling of clear-mindedness, of power, where nothing matters but his own pleasure. "And maybe I'll give you what you want, if you earn it."

Tom nods, hips full on thrusting now, and Andy snaps again. "Stay still."

And he does, immediately, without question, biting his lip and keeping his eyes shut with effort. Andy can feel his thighs clenching and spasming over his, trying to keep himself from moving, trying to be good. He hums in appreciation, but doesn't praise him for it, not yet.

"I'll get you ready," Andy explains, before reaching to Tom's hair, and starts to undo his bun, as slow as possible, just to watch him squirm. He gets so impatient when Andy undresses him, which is why Andy never misses a chance to drag it out.

He begins by removing Tom's jacket, sliding his hands slowly over his shoulders, then down his back, feeling the firm muscle there, digging his nails just a little bit so he can see Tom's eyes flutter in bliss. When the jacket falls to the floor, Andy begins circling the hem of his shirt, sliding until his hands are back on front, fingers just close enough to Tom's cock for him to feel Tom tense in his hands, so damn sensitive to his touch, so needy. God, he can't get enough of this, but he pretends that he doesn't notice, lets Tom try and keep himself together as Andy's hands slide over his belly, then chest, over the shirt, collarbone, wrapping and resting on Tom's throat just so he feels the threat of it, before Andy finally grabs the back of the shirt's collar and tugs, taking it off. Then he slides his hands back down, making sure to run a finger just over the sensitive spot where his pecs end, then lower, over his ribcage, belly, hips, next to the bruises where Andy had grabbed him the night before, then back to the middle, just over the bulge in his pants, and Tom finally breaks and jerks up slightly, letting out a little moan.

"Sir," he whines, "please, please, I-" Andy continues to circle the head of his cock with his finger, "please!"

"Patience," is all he says, before going back to his painfully light movements, imagining Tom's needy cock twitching under his fingers, imagining the effort Tom makes not to thrust up or keep begging for more, just because Andy told him not to. "You know how much I like playing with your pretty little cock. You said you wanted to serve me, didn't you?"

"Yes- yes, Sir."

He hums, noncommittally, not looking at him. "Good." He teases the tip of his clothed cock some more, enjoying the way his mind zeroes on that, the way he feels like he has all the power and the time in the world. Finally, he pats Tom's thigh once. "Get off, and take off the rest of your clothes. Get the lube and a condom."

Tom gets up, a little shaky, and does as instructed, while Andy reaches down to the drawer under the bed where he keeps his dick's spine and a few of their toys. He gets the spine, then adjusts his packer briefs so he can put it on - best purchase of his life, really, those briefs. So much easier to use than a regular strap-on and it makes the packer sit over his clit just right, making a little suction and pressure. Andy couldn't be happier that he was already wearing them.

Tom gets back with everything he asked right in time for Andy to finish making his dick hard, and goes on to put the condom on and cover Andy's cock in lube with the kind of attention that makes Andy hold his breath. Tom's so careful, yet eager, and adoring, about it. Andy feels like the hottest guy in the world.

Once he gets permission, Tom sits on his cock, slowly, getting adjusted to it - admittedly, Andy went a little overboard when he bought his first cock. Andy waits until Tom is fully seated, littering his neck with little kisses and praise for how well he's taking him, how pretty he looks, until Tom looks fully comfortable and ready to start complaining if Andy doesn't start fucking him in earnest soon. That's when Andy shows him the other item he pulled from the drawer - Tom's favorite collar.

Tom's reaction is instantaneous. He throws his head back, moving over Andy's cock as he lets out a breathless, almost choked moan; the hands he had resting on Andy's shoulders suddenly squeezing full force in his need.

"God, you're such a whore," Andy says, casually, and Tom nods, even as he flushes. The collar is just a simple black one, with a little hoop for the leash, but inside they had it engraved with the words Andy's whore, and it left visible marks that could be seen for a few hours after they took it off. It never failed to drive Tom crazy, so it always drove Andy crazy, too. "Stay still," he warns, and Tom nods, breathing heavily, gripping Andy's shoulder as tight as he can as he stays frozen in place. Andy slowly puts it around his neck, checking with his finger to make sure it's not too tight, and the second he clasps it in place, Tom's whole body relaxes, a content little sigh escaping his lips, his face slack and blissed out. He likes being owned, so much. Andy can't get enough of it. "Good?" he asks, just to make sure it's not too tight.

"Perfect," Tom answers, the words leaving him in a sigh. Andy then ties the leash to the headboard, making sure that they're just far enough from it that he'll be feeling its pull the whole time. Tom lets out a moan. "Thank you, Sir."

Andy smirks. "Now, here's what I want you to do," he says, "you're going to ride me, just like that, and you're not going to come until I tell you to. You're definitely not going to come before I do. If you come close, you'll have to tell me. I want to hear you scream, so make as much noise as you want. Do you understand?"

Tom nods again, almost dizzyingly quick. "Yes, Sir."

"Good, then get to it."

Tom doesn't need to be told twice. He starts riding him, slowly at first, trying to find the perfect angle for Andy - not himself, Andy notices, pleased. Once it's perfect, Andy orders, "faster, slut,” and Tom obeys, as always, working up speed as he tries to keep himself upright, feeling the tug of his leash with every movement, moaning the whole time. “Good boy,” Andy says, and Tom’s responding whine is high pitched, embarrassing, needy. He gets even faster then, starting to babble as he keeps on working, and Andy just stays casually in place, not having to do a single thing while Tom works to give him pleasure.

"Fuck, you're so perfect, did you know that?" Tom asks, quickly sliding down on Andy's cock, making sure he puts all this weight in the end so Andy's cock will press down against his clit just the way he likes, making sure to go as deep as possible, "I've been dreaming of your cock for days, god, Sir, nothing's better than this," he hides his face in Andy's shoulder, speeding up even more, thighs shaking with the effort, and Andy puts a fist in his hair and pulls, watching as Tom throws his head back and lets out a scream, working even faster on Andy's cock. "Sir!," he whines, "oh, thank you, thank you, feels so good, oh my god, please, I'm gonna-"

"No, you won't," Andy interrupts, "I'm not even close to coming yet. Keep working, slut."

"Y-yes, Sir," he whines, going faster, deeper, and Andy makes it harder for him, keeps pulling at his hair to expose his neck, litters kisses and bites on his exposed throat, grabs his thigh and squeezes hard enough to bruise so Tom remembers he's his, his whore, his toy.

"I love it when you get like this," Andy says, doing his best to keep his tone even, even as he's a little breathless from pleasure, from power, "I bet you want to come so bad, don't you? If I'd just give you the word, you'd be making a mess of yourself, coming on my cock right now-"

"Fuck! Yes, yes, Sir, please, I'm so close."

Andy smiles. "No."

Tom whines, so cute, adorable, and Andy is nice enough to leave a little kiss on his shoulder, grounding, calming him down. Before going right back to torturing him, "no, you don't get to come for a long time yet. I want you just like this, on edge, tasting it…" Andy grins. "Tell me how close you are, baby."

"I'm- I'm so close-"

Andy slaps him in the face. "You can do better than that."

"Fuck, I feel like I'm going to explode, I'm so close, I want it so bad, and you feel so good, God, you have no idea what you do to me, Sir, your cock is so perfect, it hurts, I need it- need to cum on your cock, Sir, please-"

"No."

Tom chokes on a moan, and starts to go even faster. He lets out a little whine, something Andy thinks was supposed to be a word, but doesn't come close.

"See," Andy says, "this is why I won't let you come. Look at you - every time I tell you no, you get so desperate, so obedient - it's what you want, isn't it? You want me to keep telling you no, you want to know your pleasure doesn't matter, that you're just here to serve me."

"Yes! Yes, yes, yes-"

"Good, then keep going. And beg all you want- I like telling you no, too."

Tom does. He begs, and he says thank you when Andy denies him, again and again and again. Thank you, Sir, thank you for using me, for putting me in my place, I'm yours, I'm yours. And he keeps on praising Andy, praising his cock, his body, the way he fucks him and uses him, no one else makes me feel like this, no one deserves to be worshipped and served like you, Sir, I want to make you feel good-... Until even the clear-minded state of domspace begins to crumble and Andy feels nothing but pleasure, and confidence, and power, and he cums to the sound of Tom praising him and begging, once, twice, three times, until his head is clear again and everything, even the need to chase his own pleasure, is gone, and he just feels perfect.

"Stop," he orders Tom, who's still babbling more and more incoherently, endless praise and worship, and Andy finds that he worships Tom right back. "I want you to get my cock as deep inside you as you can, and stay still. I'm going to play with your dick for a while, and when I tell you to, you can come. You did well today, baby."

Tom nods, suddenly struggling to use his words. "T-thank you, Sir," he says, already frozen in place, thighs clenching with the effort not to move and also shaking with all the effort he did before.

Andy coos. "Poor baby. You were so good to me today. Let me take care of you."

"You always- always do, Sir," Tom replies, and Andy smiles.

He gives Tom a long, slow handjob, making sure Tom stays still through it, enjoying the way his thighs shake on top of Andy's, the pressure of Tom sitting tight on his cock, the way his arms also shake with effort where they rest around Andy's neck; Tom's pretty, exposed throat all marked up around his collar, his breathless little whines as Andy makes sure to do it just the way he likes it, makes his cock turn red with need; watches Tom bite his lip, because when he has to keep still he becomes so quiet and needy, even as the little whines go through his lips… Until Andy finally says, "come for me, baby," and Tom screams through an orgasm that lasts almost a minute, hanging on to Andy as tightly as he can to keep himself anchored through the pleasure.

And then Andy holds him, and Tom holds him back, and they hold each other.

----

A while later, they've cleaned up Tom's cum so it doesn't get all sticky on Andy's chest, and Andy's finally taken off those damn briefs - they're great for sex, but get pretty tight when you wear them for a long time - and Andy holds Tom against his chest. He's humming, contently, and if anyone had told him at the beginning of the day that he'd be comfortable enough to have someone close to him while he's fully naked, he'd - well, probably assume they meant Tom, but still be skeptical.

"How do you feel?" Tom asks after a little while, finally opening up his eyes and saying hello to the world.

"That's supposed to be my line," Andy laughs.

"I feel great. Perfect. Next time, I wanna do it for longer. A week? Let's try a week. Or two weeks…?"

Andy laughs. "Let's not make too big of a leap yet."

"Fine. A week sounds good. Great. And now that we've established that denial is totally bomb for me, how are you feeling?"

"Honestly? I'm feeling great, too," Andy admits, playing with a little stray of Tom's hair, swirling it around his finger, "I think I needed that, a little bit. Who'd have thought that having you ride me and praise my cock cures dysphoria."

"Every trans top on every forum I've ever visited."

"Let me have my moment of realization," Andy mumbles, faux-annoyed. Tom just laughs, holding him closer.

"I'm just glad I could help," he says.

"Please tell me you didn't ride my cock just to help."

"Well, no, in case you hadn't noticed, I was horny as fuck. I just tried to, you know. Use that to give you a little push. Since you wanted to. Y'know. Also, it was all true. So..."

"Thanks, love," Andy says, earnestly. "I love you."

"I love you more."

They bicker about it, and Andy's smiling the rest of the day.

[sanstropfremir]

Okay, time for my weekly rant so buckle up. The vocal stages were okay-I cant really remember them well because I watched them only once so take what I say with a grain of salt. Well I watched the Spark one once and I only got through half of the other one because I can’t stand ballads especially when there’s no interesting movement on stage to keep me engaged. Like it’s no fault of the members themselves or the song (I actually think their singing was incredibly beautiful and Eunkwang always sings like his wife just left him with the kids which is how you know he’s good) but I physically could not pay attention. That’s why I liked the spark stage a bit better-there was enough movement that I was able to focus on it. I really liked the use of the fire and the way they were walking in and out of the frame trading off parts so there weren’t too many awkward moments where the other members where on stage but not doing anything. The opening was gorgeous with each members being lit by the spotlight as they harmonize. So stagewise, I prefer Spark but vocally I think the other group was stronger. I love Spark and Taeyon is such an incredible vocalist (I mean the song is great because of her) so I don’t get why their delivery was, I don’t want to say weak, but subdued might be a better word. The only one that really stood out was Junhoe (but also that man couldn’t not stand out even if he tried, not with that incredibly rasp) and even he seemed to be holding himself back a bit. Though it was a bit slow it built up well to the two last choruses but still the first half could have been stronger. I know they were trying to draw it out to a strong pay off but I don’t really know if it was enough. And yes the suits were *chef’s kiss*. I think at this point in their career the FNC stylist has put SF9 in so many suits they’ve got it down to a science. Also I’m a sucker for those shirts with the triangle cut out and we got not one but two of them here.

Okay moving on, I’m not sure which group was next but I’ll talk about the Ikon stage. It seems like they finally realized that they’re on a performance based competition show so they decided to pull out the big guns. Love the little skit at the beginning (making sure people don’t forget that they’re YG), it was cute and refreshing. I really appreciated how they leaned into the campy acting in this stage (Stray kids did it too-just adding to the similarities between their stages). The song was meh but I also don’t really like BP especially not their recent stuff so it’s not a big deal. I would have preferred if they had gone with another song maybe Whistle or As If It’s Your Last or if they’d done a 2NE1 song like Chanwoo mentioned some point in the episode. I also think the stage would have been way smoother if they’d let Ikon and Lisa interact. Like if the boys appeared in her set after her section and then they all moved back to the first jungle set and then the whole thing turns gold and they did a dramatic outfit change (but with better jackets because theirs look like they came out of Party City). I also get what you mean about the dancers outfits not being that great. I actually really liked the outfits of Lisa’s dancers in isolation but they didn’t match with her or the set so they threw me off a bit. At least with the ikon members they were going for a modern look so the dancers outfits didn’t look that strange in comparison. Do you think it would have been better if they were white? How would you have improved then? The best way I can describe this performance was that it was a stage, stuff happened, I enjoyed myself but I don’t plan to revisit it anytime soon. Oh and we also have to give points for them cursing on national television not once but twice (at this point Jinwan deserves to say fuck).

Now to Stray Kids. So I feel like I need to preface this with the fact that I am actually a stray kids fan (I won’t call myself a stay because I don’t associate with the fandom) and though I’ve been really critical of them and their stages tend to be my least favorite I still have a soft spot for them (I got into this show because of them after all). I loved, loved, loved the intro with Felix (and yes his biggest flaw is that he’s Australian but I forgive him for it) and the way it immediately transitions into the chorus of DDD-the abrupt transition does fit really well with the Deadpool theme and I guess it is the closest they’re going to get to the feeling of yeeting themselves into traffic like in the movie. Interesting choice to start with the chorus. Now that I’m rewatching it I do really wish they stuck with the comic theme. I think that’s my gripe with SKZ-they have a lot of good ideas but they move on too quickly from them. Just pick a handful of things and sprinkle them throughout instead of cycling through them at breakneck speed. Like okay they’re doing Deadpool and he’s a comic character so keep the comic styling (it would have been a good thing to put in the projection behind Seungmin’s scene), maybe in the subway they could have had some fight choreo so the guns coming in at Lee Knows part aren’t out of nowhere (also someone please tell me they were trying to recreate the meme with the cat and the knives, please I need to know). I absolutely agree that them having a goal or an antagonist would have really helped the story along. I mean they literally have a spoken intro so why couldn’t Felix just tell us who they were fighting (and I’m pretty sure in the movie Wade tells us he’s trying to kill Francis in that scene sooo). As always they put more focus on the rappers (please can we get less Changbin and more Seungmin, Jeongin, or Lee Know or at least give Felix more parts). Seungmin was the real mvp of this stage and he had the best outfit (I think it qualifies for Hanya’s best gay little outfit list). Personally I with they hadn’t gone with Gods Menu again. I’ve been hoping that they would perform My Pace (and maybe remix it with their B-side TA off their Go Live album) because that would be such a fun stage. Again, I enjoyed myself but I won’t revisit it anytime soon. At this point the only groups I actually look forward to are BTOB and SF9 (they’re doing fucking Move and I don’t know whether to be excited or terrified-there’s a clip of Taeyang covering Move from a variety show or interview and I think he does it really well so I know at least one of them can pull it off). Again thanks for creating space where I can info dump and I hope I said something of interest to you!

i think you wrote more than me!! i love this, im gonna put my response under a cut im not being super obnoxious on the dash.

i get that the mayfly stage would be not as visually stimulating for people and usually i would count myself in with that crowd because i love a good spectacle but i think because i watched the spark stage first and my colour perception is sometimes weird so when there's a lot of movement with very little colour variation my tiny pea brain loses track of whats happening really quickly. especially with red. so it was kind of difficult for me to pay attention to the spark stage in the second half. also i absolutely HATE watching people flub on stage because it brings up such visceral secondhand feelings that i couldn't even watch the stage when i started the full episode today.

i love a good suit but you know what i would also love: sf9 in more costume variations. tbh im just getting nitpicky about it because im a costume designer down to the core and i got trained by a designer who specialized in doing avant garde costuming so i tend to skew more towards wild than reserved. it looks like the move stage wont be be suits so ill take it, but oh man to do i want to see some really crazy stuff. which i know they'll never do because idols have to be pretty at all times or the fans get mad but oh i want it so badly.

do you mean how i would improve ikon's backup dancers outfits or lisa's? here why dont i do both. for lisa's dancers i would have just done away with that harness shape all together, its almost exclusively a military style. the jackets by themselves would have been fine but really what they should have done was put them in something that matched the gold but contrasted enough to give them shape. by having at least her dancers in all black on a gold stage there was a lot of "haha look at me do a duck walk because lets throw in some voguing for spice." they could have gone with a mesh bodysuit idea similar to what she was wearing or even just different colour coats. as for ikon's backup dancers, firstly pants. not black. or even a longer skirt. genuinely a part of the reason why i dont watch girl group content is because i HATE the hem length of the shorts they make everyone wear. words cannot describe how much i hate that cut. kpop is so obsessed with showing off women's bodies and especially their legs but they do it in the LEAST flattering way possible because it "can't be too risqué," just shoot me now. i hate it. i hate it so fucking much. yea yea everybody was on cocaine in the 80s whatever but at least they were all wearing french cut bodysuits so their legs looked fantastic. stop interrupting the lines!! anyways. pants so the only section of skin showing is thigh to mid calf, especially because they weren't even doing any fun legwork! if they really wanted to keep the full sleeve bodysuits they shout have done them in a fabric with a texture or external embellishments, like a patent/vinyl or sequins/rhinestones. something to catch the stage lights so we can actually see the shape of the limb. but the easiest way to fix it is literally just cut the arms off the bodysuits. stages are lit to show off skin, sometimes the best way to have something be seen is just to have it bare.

i agreed skz cycles through ideas way too fast, they need to just pick a couple and stick them out through the stage instead of just adding more and more different ones throughout. also ok good someone else noticed that there is just...so much changbin. we don't need that much changbin. i know there's other boys in the group let them do something! also im pretty sure theyre not recreating the cat knife meme but actually the promo image from john wick chapter two, which i also could have sworn i saw a deadpool version of as an instagram ad back when movies were happening, but now that im looking for it it doesn't exist so i might be crazy.

im excited for the move stage but im also trepidatious because...its move. i have NO clue what the concept is from the previews so i just hope its weird enough to take it enough out of the taemin context for me to enjoy it.

[darthbecky726]

Bad Batch 1x01 spoilers

I've never done something like this before, but I figured I'd start. Reactions to the first episode of The Bad Batch. (This ended up being a lot longer than I intended, but whatever)

Spoilers under the cut

Red logo burning away starts strong

Yay narrator dude!!

Feels like clones wars

Animated rots scenes!!

And what grevious did after the rots beginning

HOLY SHIT DEPA!!!!!

And caleb right???

And we're in

Omg who voiced young caleb bc it sounds a lot like fpj but aged down and he def doesn't sound like the 14 I know he was when this happened

I like how we started out on familiar characters but not ahsoka or anyone from tcw. We started w young kanan and his master and we know what happened to them and all but if anyone watching hasn't seen rebels they wouldn't be lost as to who caleb and depa are, they'd just assume they're random jedi in o66

Good ol droid screaming as it falls off a cliff

Wow. Them.

I love crosshair

And wrecker

And tech

And echo

And hunter

B1's are so dumb

Lmao the salt from hunter

I feel like depas forehead pearls are a bit unrealistically large but I have no cultural standpoint to really know so...

Caleb's voice is too deep in the same way that jack frost from rotg's voice doesn't match his character model

Ah wrecker not really knowing what she means and echo, the one who has been trained to deal w people and hung out w ani and obi is just like 'thanks general'

Obes kenobes mention

Why is echo so pale

Depa and caleb feel a little too pale too tbh I wonder if it's the lighting or the whitewashing

Wow caleb is a lot like ezra, I can see why kanan wanted to train him lol

Is this what separates caleb and depa, leading to her telling him to run??? Do I need to read dume???

Oh no

Noooooooooo

Bb didn't get the order!

Oh caleb nooooo! Nooooooo they didn't receive that order, they can help you!!!

And he's gone

Oh I need an au where caleb stayed with bb and they helped him after depa died

Hunter sounds so much like rex it's weird like ik they're supposed to sound the same but it feels like wrecker is replacing rex or something. Even tho ik rex's story is over for the time being

Crosshair, no! Don't shoot at him! He's baby

Oh no did crosshair get o66???? It didn't seem to trigger anything in any of the rest of them, but is crosshair close enough to 'reg' for it to have triggered???

😭😭good soldiers follow orders

"sure thing, boss" "hey hunter got a sitch"

Crosshair acting sus

Oh I love watching padawans fight, they're so good!!

I hope that hit to the tree did a lil cognitive recalibration for crosshair, he was acting crazy

Caleb looks so scared!! He just watched his master get gunned down by his friends and now strange clones are trying to kill him/confusing him

Oh caleb

Oh no crosshair don't try to kill him!! Hunters trying to help!

Also hunter doesn't sound as much like rex w the helmet off, but it's weird bc most of the clones are distinguishable by voice even w helmets on. I guess it's the 'im in charge' voice

Star wars if caleb had gone w the bb

Oh hunter u sly dog lying to crosshair so he doesn't go after him. U gotta figure out why crosshair responded to o66 and no one else in ur unit did

Oh crosshair knows he's been lied to

I will always love coming-out-of-hyperspace shots

Ooh kamino, always nice this time of year

Echo is done w wrecker

Why hasn't crosshair taken his helmet off yet, lil bit sus

They better get his chip out on kamino, I don't wanna deal w this

Oof hunter 

Oh who’s that, giving me cloud city vibes

Extreme cloud city vibes wow

Never realized how many clones are just on kamino

Coruscant guard?!?! FOX?!?!

The vibes here, omg

‘The war is over’ wow

Oh no who was that

A female jedi, doesn’t appear to be shaak, couldn’t see any montrals but never know, we don’t officially know how or where she died

Ok wow none of the bb has their helmets on except for crosshair, who got the order. The regs around kamino all have their helmets on. That scene in victory and death when ahsoka took rex’s helmet off- 

And crosshair, he’s actins strange too

Oh tech, do u guys get bullied by regs a lot??

I love their barracks

Lol he finally took his helmet off only to stick a toothpick in his mouth, can he get anymore cliched?

Wrecker is seeming a lot more infantilized than he was in the s7 eps...

Yeah crosshair’s being sus

Ooh, he shifted his toothpick

Lmao ‘what programming’

Well documented my ass

Tech’s speech patterns are so stiff and robotic, it’s like he has to remind himself to talk in basic instead of binary or some shit

Tech throwing shade at crosshair

I can’t quite tell if we’re supposed to like crosshair at this point

Lmao we been knew

Oop ‘more machine than man’ the vader parallels are serving folks

Understatement.

Ugh sheev

Crusty ass bitch

Straight from rots wow

Who is the mystery child and why does he look mandalorian

Ooh he gone

Oh no, the beninning of the empire

Cheering?? Why?!?

That imperial march fade in tho

Thank you echo

Oh shit mystery child is female

Omega, I would not have guessed the pronunciation of your name by reading it wow

She def seems mandalorian

Ugh kaminoans

Oh the kaminoan pronounced it as it usually is, huh.

Omega’s character model def seems more masculine than female, I now headcanon her as trans

Ugh tarkin, I hate that crusty bitch

Empire politics ugh

I love how much shade is being thrown at tarkin and his stormtrooper proposal lmao

Why do all these clones have the standard haircut?? ik them boys like their variety, even if these boys are still under o66′s programming

Wrecker you’re being extremely loud

They’re all being loud in the mess, why

They remember, kid

Lol child

Oh my sweet summer children

The dad instinct was clearly passed genetically from jango lol all these clones got it

Why are background characters so mean? What about it, shiny? Why is ur hair regulation, reg??

The Sad Batchn omg the slander

Lol the food fight I’ve read about in the fics, its finally happening!

Is she.... australian??

The over-animation of character movements in this is reminding me of the looser style of rebels, as opposed to the more clunky style of tcw

Lmao he’s still got food on him

Food fight!!

‘Not again’???!!! Echo!! Wdym not again?! Food fights have happened before?!?? Wait. W bb or w torrent, bc I can see torrent having food fights on the resolute-

Crosshair’s just eating his food until someone messes

I like how echo still has his kamas

Oh no echo!!

Oh echo’s trauma, he doesn’t trust medical droids! Where’s kix when u need him, huh?

Lol, comically long name for a robot trope is alive and well, huh

Lmao the droid lowers his voice like ik this is a perceived bad thing, but I will not tolerate this slander, boys u need to get off kamino

‘The shock’ lmao whyyy

Lmao tech!!

Oh, echo recognized tarkin from the citadel!

‘When you blew up’ lmao

Oh they make me sad

Aaaaah fox!

Man the domino squad nostalgia

Those droids look cool

This is a neat scene, I like seeing them in action

Wrecker reminding me of hevy, but he’s got the training and success to back it up

Live fire???? No!!

Ugh I hate tarkin

Oh no wtecker

Did he just get shot!???! 

Oh no crosshair, be careful!

Tarkin’s trying to kill them!!!

Lol wrecker I love you

Echo using his mech hand as a weapon, truly an arc

Now I wanna see what happened on felucia

I like how tech’s just sitting on the droid’s shoulders

And hunter just had a knife

These boys, I love them

Oh no tech bby

Hot damn that was cool

Wrecher things so too lmao

Tarkin’s like “why didn’t that work??’

Oh new baby clones

No tf they could not, they would never serve the empire and those bitches

I love that they have a window apartment lol

Ugh tarkin u shifty

They all stand at attention, only after glaring at tarkin

Oh no onderon

I hate tarkin, he’s a bitch

How quickly could bitch lord and darth sad have replaced the armory on kamino??

Crosshair still acting sus

Neither does echo, kid

No.

I like omega.

Crosshair, with the sassy hand on the hip-

What does that even mean?? Or elude to??

Lmao tech messing w wrecker, they rlly r bros

Its prob the vegetation

Oh, I missed onderon, but not this much

Lol the put-upon sigh

Its clearly saw and his rebels

Saw! Looking sharp, what’s w the hair....

That’s a very geometric beard, saw

They didn’t kill any jedi!

That’s not what happened, tech

‘The clones’ bitch that was rex and ahsoka, check urself

Aw, I’ve always like the design of imperial probe droids

Thank you, echo

It seems like crosshair’s o66 programming and his mutation are warring w his morals

Lmao the shade

I knew she was an enhanced clone!

Oh, so she is (at least on paper) trans! She’s a clone of jango, and yet she’s female! That must be her modification, but it makes me wonder why

Lol *flicks toothpick*

Aw, they have a picture of themselves! Recent-ish, too, its got echo!

Oh no, AZI!

The difference between them arriving earlier and now, the lack of escort...

Creepy how they had to open the hanger door themselves

Oh no! Everyone!

The coruscant guard, I wish they had gotten better

Tarkin u dramatic bitch

‘The brig’ this ain’t some tallship

Lol echo that shade

Their blacks are different from the ones seen in the past

Crosshair, stop being a bitch

Oh, I don’t like that phrase!! And the fact that crosshair screamed it in echo’s face makes me uneasy. Did rex fill echo in on why fives died?? I hope so...

Crosshair, ur chip hurting??

This child, I like her.

No! Don’t hit hunter!

No crosshair!!!!

I dislike this immensly

So they do still have inhibitor chips!

Tarkin you monster

Oh poor crosshair

ihatethisihatethisihatethis

Lol tech I love you

Wrecker you sweet pea

Lol that’s adorable

I love how they form a “wall” its so suspicious 

He was about to say that, omega

Aaww, echo protective boi

Wrecker shut up tf

That was cool

Sneaky bois

This reminds me of rex and ahsoka sneaking around in v&d

Echo runs so stupid

Oh no they winter soldier’d him!

If he says who the hell is crosshar, I will lose my shit

Yes, he has. They took it from him.

The toothpick

I wonder how they’re gonna get crosshair back to normal

Not good that they nabbed the sniper

Oh, crosshair shot him in the same place he got hit during training!

Ooh, a kaminoan on their side!

I hope omega doesn’t die

Poor trigger etiquette, crosshair

Wonder if omega has any speciality training

They’re just gonna leave him there!?!?!?!?!

Nooooooooooo!!!!!!!

Omega reminds me of young boba 

Oh, so its in her dna

Go back for crosshair!!

Holy fucking shit that was amazing! I didn’t expect it to be that long, but I’m not complaining! This ended up being a lot longer than I anticipated, but I don’t feel like cutting anything out, so sorry for the long post but at least I put it under a cut.

[mcyt-amber-tftsmp]

𝐈 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐝 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐝 𝐇𝐢𝐦 {𝐑𝐚𝐧𝐛𝐮𝐭𝐥𝐞𝐫 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫}

Request?: -R4NBUTLER

Character: Ranbutler (We'll call him Mark for the sake of the story)

Side Character(s): Niki Nihachu, R/B/N (Random Boy's Name) and his family

Story-type: Angsty Romance

Story Length: 1684 words

AU or Not:  AU since Sir Billiam and the Egg do not exist!

Time Period: Medieval Time!

Plot Summary: im thinking of ranbutler falling for his mistress and then needing to watch her marry someone :"D so like he needs to be there while she talks about how amazing her crush is, seeing her date the other guy, and even be there at the wedding :"D basically time skips of his heart breaking over seeing her being in love with the other guy :]

Small Info: i want it to end like angsty so y/n actually end up marrying the other guy and ranbutler needs to serve at y/n's and her husband family :"D nothing else tbh! Also both Ranbutler, Y/N and R/B/N are the same age and adults like 18/19! Also this will be written under only Ranbutler's POV!

Keywords:

Y/N = Your Name

Trigger Warning: None

Normal Warning: Cringe alert! Also most likely to be shorter than other chapters so please don't attack me on that!

--------------------------------------------------

Ranbutler/Mark's Point Of View~

I watch from the end of the hall as my Mistress was talking to the other maids. I will be honest when I say I have fallen for her the first time I met her and was given to her as her butler but of course she never saw me as a butler but a good friend.

The word 'friend' kind of hurts since I have feelings for her but I knew she had liked someone else. I mean it's understandable like who would want someone like me? I am just a mere Butler who is supposed to serve their Masters and Mistresses.

((Author: I mean I would want you! -w-))

I would mostly see her go outside to meet up with her crush. If I remember correctly I think his name is R/B/N. I will be honest, he is a nice guy as my Mistress, Y/N would say. She would mostly talk to me about him whenever she gets the chance to talk to me.

Whenever she talks to me about him I always keep a straight face and not show the fact that I feel heartbroken knowing she doesn't like me the way I do. I would encourage her to confess her feelings to him. I know I shouldn't be doing this but why do I do it? Because I am a good friend and I don't want to lose the friendship I have with her.

Either way, what's the point in telling her my feelings when I know it won't be returned. I tried to lose the feelings yet they never go away and my feelings for her grows. But it's hopeless right now for me to even do anything about it.

I am right now just hoping for the best for myself.

Two days later~

It's been two days and my Mistress had confessed to her crush who had accepted her to be his girlfriend. My heart broke by the news yet I stayed happy for her and put on a mask over my face by smiling and not showing my pain.

I congratulated her and she hugged me and thanked me for encouraging her. I don't really regret encouraging her cause I am a good person and friend to her yet it still hurt way more than I thought it would.

After this I went towards the empty hallway as I leaned against a wall as I felt tears falling down from my eyes and down my face. It was very pathetic of me to cry but what else can you do to deal with heartbreak? Nothing but cry.

It hurt so much that I was sobbing. At this point I was glad no one was here to see me cry especially Y/N. I don't want her to blame herself for my heartbreak nor do I want anyone to be concerned about me.

I wasn't paying attention but I heard footsteps and slowly looked to see it was just my older sister Niki who was the personal maid of Y/N. When she saw my tear stained face, she ran over and hugged me.

She knew about my feelings for our Mistress and always supported me and knew why I was upset and crying. She comforted me as best as she could. But it hurt. I guess I fell too hard for her. There are times I wish I didn't yet I did and I don't blame her.

I could here Niki telling me things will be getting better and I will be able to get over her. I hoped for things to get better and I get over her but how can one get over someone they love so easily? The answer is that it's hard.

I guess luck was never by my side until now.

I just hopes for things to get better but how can I trust it to get better? I can't at all.

7 Months Later~

Its been seven months and my feelings for Y/N remained. To make things worse for my poor and broken heart? R/B/N proposed to Y/N and she said 'yes'. This just made me feel even worse. Niki saw the huge pain in my face.

She didn't hate Y/N for this cause she could never and nor did I. I just can't believe this happened. I should be happy for and I am but I wish that i was me who proposed to her and was the one that loved her like this.

Yet here I am not doing any of those which I wished I could. I broke down again. Was I really that much in love that it's making me breakdown like this? I guess so. Niki hugged me and comforted me the best she could.

I tried to calm myself down as well but this time it was too worse that it was going to be hard to calm down. I hated this. I didn't like this. I just want this feeling to go away but I guess God has decided to somehow punish me by making me love her and not move on at all.

I managed to calm myself down and broke away from the hug and went to freshen up my face. My eyes were bloodshot from all of this and I didn't want to worry Y/N at all from this. Plus we had a wedding to prepare anyways.

I could see a few maids and butlers were starting to prep the decorations and other things for the wedding. Niki was the Head maid and everything but it was a bit hard for her to plan it since she knew about my problem.

There are times where I wish I never even existed but yet here I am feeling tortured by this excruciating pain known as heartbreak. I hate this so much right now and I wish I could just scream. But I can't and I don't want to at all.

I just went along with the work and just did what I was supposed to. It didn't matter anyways. My feelings didn't really matter at the moment. It was pointless since the beginning yet I had kept my hopes up.

But one thing is that I could never hate Y/N.

A few days later~

Today is the day. The day of the wedding that Y/N was getting married to R/B/N. I was checking to see if everyone was here along with the guests, food and other things. Niki was helping Y/N get into her wedding dress. I was going to the room to see if she was ready since everything was already done and well planned.

I knocked on the door as I told who it was. I heard a faint 'come in' and slowly opened the door to see Niki helping Y/N with her veil. I was mainly focusing on Y/N. She looked breathtaking with that dress she was wearing. I broke my stare and told them that I came here to see if she was ready since it was beginning.

She nodded and thanked me for everything as she headed outside the door with another maid for the wedding to commence. Niki looked at me to see if I was alright but I reassured her that I was fine and it still hurt but I was going to be okay.

As the wedding started, I saw her walk down the aisle gracefully. Many people were in awe at her. I will be honest and agree she looked beautiful. As the priest went of with his speech and whatnot, I saw Y/N look at me and Niki as she gave a us a small smile. We both smiled back at her.

After the priest was done with the vows and other things, he told them that they could now kiss which they did without any hesitation. We all clapped in celebration. It hurt but I was able to hide my pain in front of everyone.

I just sighed. As everyone had gone it after the reception and everything was over. Right now I just put my feeling behind me as I prepared for whatever came next. I walked with Niki towards our places as I looked down.

Another Few Days Later~

Right now the maids and butlers along with me were serving Y/N and her husband's family. My feelings remained. It still hurt but I didn't show it and would always just hide it. Niki would comfort me the best way she could. At this point I didn't want her to feel burdened by me but she said I wasn't a burden and that this was normal to feel.

I wish it wasn't and I just moved on.

But all I could do now was stay friends with my Mistress, Y/N and support her and be happy for her till the time I have left on this earth.

--------------------------------------------------

[varusai]

who do you think is the most dateable dark matter thief?? i know you have an opinion and i need to hear it

sorry for the late response anon i honestly had to think abt this one for a few days lmao, but yeah i have opinions. below the cut bc fr i have opinions, all of them have major pros and cons (based on my characterization at least) and really i just have to break it down for u

Boros, everyones obvious first choice, but certainly not mine.

Pros: rich, tall, pretty, fun af, passionate, will kill for you np, give you anything you want, literally anything.

cons: has a god complex, doesnt respect you, not his number one priority at all, will forget about you once its not interesting for him anymore, probably argumentative/combative af, is very very smart and has no problem manipulating you in all the worst ways, is very entitled so he will never feel bad about anything, cant win arguments either bc he’ll want to settle it with combat, will get offended over little things just to argue bc he thinks thats fun

this is a relationship you’d get into if you literally have nothing to lose and dont care about your mental health. like hes hot but this shit would be toxic af and he will ruin your life and leave you to go fuck around and fight someone on the other side of the universe. this will be the best of times and the worst of times for you and you will never be the same afterward mentally or emotionally. the only way i would even consider it is if i lost my damn mind. The only way a relationship with him would ever work long term is if you were physically stronger than him and were capable of putting him in his place OR you were smart enough, suicidal enough, and interesting enough to him to engage in some psychological warfare and reject him if he asked you. Make him chase you for years, say yes, then decide that /he’s/ boring /you/ and leave him for another member of the squad to just destroy their established hierarchy and humble him to the point that he’s obsessed with you.

i dont have the energy for all that, so i’ll just smash and pass.

0/10 completely undateable

Geryuganshoop, also a probable second choice for many:

pros: cute, nice, tentacle alien (obviously), will respect you np, will also give you anything you want, not antagonistic at all, telepathic communication so no risk of miscommunication, emotionally intelligent and available, loyal to a fault,

cons: horrible boss/best friend that you will have to listen to him vent about for at least 3 hours a day, complete yes man as well so he will not tell boros no or cut him off and you will be stuck dealing with this no matter what, severely mentally ill and wont go to therapy bc he thinks hes handling it well, workaholic, needs a lot, and i mean A LOT of attention

this relationship would be great if not for boros lol. boros sabotages his social and romantic life but geryu has been friends with him too long to either cut him off or establish boundaries. he has no backbone (figuratively and literally) and wouldnt even consider it. he’ll ignore you in favor of his job too, to a massive degree. also i think that while the telepathic communication would be a major plus in most cases, here i feel like i’d have no less than 16 different, never before seen on earth, mental illnesses projected right into my brain just from being within a certain radius of him.

im already fucked up enough in that sense so pass unfortunately.

it would be a yes without boros in the picture tho lmao

so prob like 4/10 iffy datablillity, 1 level increase with each decade of therapy he gets tho so a lot of potential :D

Groribas, my fav girl:

pros: straightforward, realistic, very clear expectations, will not fuck around with you whatsoever like there is no mind games or anything here, will kill for you, rich and non materialistic so she’ll basically just let you do whatever with her money since she doesn t care about it, cares about her job but like...a normal amount. she absolutely has a good work/life balance, highly organized so she will not forget important dates, loyal af and will defend your honor under any circumstances, mean but in a funny way, a ton of fun to hang out with if you’re into that, no eyes so i dont have to worry abt eye contact ever

cons: extremely high expectations, like exhaustingly high, and not even a bit of flexibility there, if you dont meet the cut its a no, she’ll let you know and leave same day, she will also bully you, you need a thick skin and great sense of humor to survive, bad at feelings if you need emotional support???? go elsewhere, shes mega emotionally unavailable, will probably want to share bodies as a form of intimacy

overall its a solid 6.5/10 dateability for me i love the directness and no bs approach, we would def get along well. however, while im not sensitive, shes def gonna hit on some insecurities at some point and it will cause an argument lol. but i mean whatever. it happens. the body sharing would be an issue though, same reason i wouldnt be chill with having a symbiote despite being a major venom fucker. i need my space i cant deal with that. so thats a possible deal breaker if she couldnt get over that lol. and she wont, so we wouldnt work out. i wish it fuckin would tho😭😭😭 i would take whatever crumbs of attention she would be willing to give me

Melzalgald, my fav they/them bastard:

pros: amorphous and shapeshifting aka extremely attractive according to my taste in monsters, tall af but could chose to be a more reasonable survivable size lol, self contained and self-entertaining so they dont need a ton of attention to be happy, funny af, rich, will give you whatever you want and probably a bunch of shit you didnt know you wanted, very fun, built in friend group if you didnt already have friends, extremely emotionally intelligent and great people skills due to living in a collective, stupid af by choice, like some of em are very smart, but they dont claim that, will say fuck work and tell boros to eat shit to spend time with you, will kill for you as well, but only if you ask them to bc their first inclination is to just bother someone to death, very loyal, once they like you they like you really forever, it would take some pretty extreme circumstances to make them dislike you

cons: annoying af and its unavoidable, will talk over you, all of them at once will talk over you and do so loudly, no respect for personal space, they dont even know what that is, will probably accidentally manhandle you, they act stupid but arent so they can be manipulative, even if it isnt bad and they dont really mean to be, impulsive, forgetful of the needs of organic creatures so they will bother you at all hours of the day and night if you arent firm with boundaries, disgustingly extroverted and will bring randoms to your place without asking, or just...make new cluster members and you have to roll with it, will eat or absorb literally anything you have, will antagonize and bother you for fun, major jump scare risk since sometimes the forms are....fleshy

this ones hard for me like theyre hot af and i feel like they’d be super fun and good partners, but god....the noise. idk how long i could deal with that lol i dont like people in my house. it would drive me up the wall, but then again...i can simply kick them out when ive had enough. they arent projecting mental illness directly into my brain or requiring me to share a body sintelligento major plus. creepy thing/symbiote style hot monster without any of the invasiveness so tbh 8/10 dateability

some people date loud annoying extroverts who dont understand personal space that /arent/ rich, loyal, or emotionally intellegent so i’d be winning on a few different fronts lmao

[antiadvil]

Somebody to Love

summary: Dan and Phil’s first meeting in 2009, loosely inspired by the song Somebody to Love by Queen

rating: PG13

wc: ~3k

notes: for the @phandomreversebang! art provided by @anironsidh and betad by @awkwardest-sam. writing this fic was... a journey, and they were a really great and supportive team the whole time and I really appreciate them <3

read under the cut or on ao3

Dan’s train was running late, and he couldn’t stop his anxiety from running absolutely wild. He hadn’t missed it, had he? Maybe it had showed up early and left before he got there. Maybe it had showed up while he wasn’t paying attention and left already. Maybe it had-

The train pulled into the station. Dan relaxed his shoulders. He wasn’t going to miss his train. He managed to stay calm for a few minutes after he boarded until a sudden new thought hit him.

What if he missed his stop?

He groaned, letting his head drop into his arms. He couldn’t even get a ten minute break from his ridiculous thoughts.

He took a deep breath, trying to focus on something else. To try to distract himself, he pulled out his pen and notebook to work on a few video scripts.

He had finally gotten into a groove, allowing himself to forget his worries, when the train lurched as it approached its first stop, sending Dan’s pen and notebook spilling to the floor. He picked up the notebook, but his pen had already slid out of sight.

Great. Looks like he was going to have to find some other way of passing the remaining two and a half hours of his train ride.

He stared out the window, trying to calm his nerves, but his leg was bouncing up and down almost uncontrollably. He put his hand on his knee, forcing it down.

It was hard to believe that after months of nonstop texting and skyping, he was about to meet the boy from his computer screen in person. He still remembered the first time they had spoken, when he had finally gotten up the courage to message that cool youtuber on twitter.

He had sent him a message about a Queen song, and was shocked to receive a reply. He still was a little bit shocked every time Phil messaged him. Every time, he thought Phil would get tired of him. Every time, Phil kept coming back.

They had talked about their favorite band for hours that night. Then the conversation had shifted to themselves, their families, their hopes and dreams.

They still talked about music sometimes. It was a nice excuse to be in constant contact.

His fingers itched to text Phil, the way they always did when he was anxious, but he and Phil had been trying to stick to Skype lately. Last month’s phone bill had not been fun to pay. He shouldn’t text Phil until he arrived, to tell him where he was so they could meet.

His leg was bouncing again. He sighed in frustration, wishing he hadn’t lost his pen.

He bought a magazine to flip through. It was surprisingly entertaining. He managed to lose himself in it for nearly half an hour before he checked the time again.

Fuck the phone bill. Dan gave in and pulled out his phone. nervous (^_^;), he sent.

good, Phil sent back nearly instantly.

good?

im nervous too and im not allowed to be the only one

Dan laughed. His phone buzzed again

in a few hours we can be nervous 2gether

Dan couldn’t think of anything to send in response to that other than a smiley face.

now go away u spork remember ur phone bill

Dan let a smile break across his face. Phil did that to him frequently. fine, Dan sent quickly.

He returned to his magazine, calmer this time. It was silly to be so worried. It was just Phil. Phil, who he had known for months now. Phil, who he wanted to meet. Phil, who wanted to meet him.

Everything was going to be alright.

When his train arrived in the station, Dan climbed out, letting his eyes search for Phil. Quickly, they landed on a tall, pale boy with dark hair wearing a green plaid shirt. “Phil!” he shouted.

The boy brightened, looking to find the source of the noise. “Dan!”

“Phil,” Dan said again, running towards him, and the other boy was running too, and suddenly they were in each other’s arms, finally, after all these months of imagining.

Phil was holding Dan tighter than he’d ever been held, but it didn’t hurt. It was one of the nicest things Dan had ever felt.

After what felt like an eternity, Phil pulled back. “How was the train ride?”

“Good,” Dan said, his smile so wide he thought his face might split in two. “How was your bus ride?”

“Someone recognized me,” Phil pouted.

Dan laughed. “You’re a proper celebrity now.”

“I don’t want to be a proper celebrity,” Phil whined.

“You’d be a good celebrity.”

“How is someone a good celebrity?”

Dan shrugged. “You’re cute.”

Phil rolled his eyes. “Is that all?”

“Yes.” Dan giggled, though he hadn’t meant to. It was silly, he thought, a nineteen year old giggling over a boy.

Phil was smiling, too, though, and a bit of pink was showing through his pale skin on his cheeks, so he must not mind.

“Where to first?” Dan asked.

“Starbucks,” Phil said, bouncing up and down. “Starbucks, Dan, we have to-”

Dan laughed. “You’re such a sugar fiend.”

“C’mon!” Phil tugged at his hand.

Dan looked down at their hands in shock, surprised to find them tangled together.

“Sorry,” Phil said sheepishly, dropping Dan’s hand.

Dan wiped his hand on his jeans, then immediately cursed himself. He didn’t want Phil to think it was because of him, his hand was just sweaty. “No, you’re good- um.”

“Yeah. No. We’re in public, I should have-” Phil stuffed his hands into his pockets. “So, uh, Starbucks?”

“Starbucks,” Dan agreed, gesturing for Phil to lead the way.

“Right,” Phil said, heading down the street. Dan followed. “What are you planning to get?”

Dan shrugged. “Whatever you get. You’re the expert.”

“Well, I haven’t actually decided what I’m getting yet,” Phil explained.

“Oh really? What are the frontrunners?” Dan asked.

Phil spent the rest of their walk explaining his various drink options, each sugarier than the last. “So I think maybe the caramel macchiato. Maybe? I can’t decide.”

Dan interrupted before Phil could go through his list again from the beginning. “You should get the caramel macchiato.”

“You think so?”

“I think so,” Dan confirmed, opening the door to the starbucks.

Phil bought their coffees, over Dan’s protests. “You’re the one who came to visit me,” he said. “Let me do this for you.”

Dan gave in. “I’ll buy you coffee if you ever come to Reading.”

“Deal.” Phil took a long sip of his coffee and let out a long, relieved breath afterwards. “So good.”

“The caffeine or the sugar?”

“Yes,” Phil said.

Dan took a sip of his own drink. It was good. Maybe not as good as Phil thought it was, but good.

“I’m trying to cut back on coffee,” Phil said mournfully. “I only had three cups this morning.”

Dan snorted. “Only three?”

“Yes.” Phil stared glumly at his already half empty cup of coffee.

Dan shook his head in mock sympathy. “You poor thing.”

Phil finished his coffee with disturbing speed. Dan did his best to keep up, but to avoid burning his tongue, he had to finish about ten minutes after Phil.

Phil’s tongue must be nearly burned off from how quickly he had

Dan should stop thinking about Phil’s tongue.

“Where do you want to go now?” Phil asked, saving Dan’s mind from going to some places it really shouldn’t be going right now.

“Can we just walk around for a bit?” Dan asked.

“Sure!” Phil was bouncing on his toes, already ready to move.

Dan wondered if he was as thrumming with nervous energy as Dan was. “Lead the way, then.”

Phil knew his way through Manchester better than he let on, pointing out a few shops and landmarks he recognized along their walk. “There’s so much to do here. We’ll have to come back sometime.”

Dan absentmindedly agreed. It was nice, the thought that this would happen again. That he could come back. That Phil didn’t seem to hate him yet.

Dan almost missed the apple store when they walked past, but he saw it out of the corner of his eye and stopped. “Wait,” he said, “I want to post a selfie.”

“Ooh,” Phil said. “Good idea.” He opened the door and gestured for Dan to follow him.

They got lucky when they were immediately able to snag a free laptop. Phil opened photobooth and messed with his hair in the camera. Dan did his best to straighten out his hair, and struck a pose.

Phil put on a (ridiculous) facial expression and took a photo.

Dan stepped up to take a look. “Wait,” he said, stepping back. “My hair looks wrong. Can we retake it?”

Phil rolled his eyes, but stepped back into his pose to take a new picture.

About 20 pictures later, they had finally taken one Dan was satisfied with. He logged into his dailybooth account quickly, doing his best to ignore the line of people growing behind him.

“There,” he said, pressing post and logging out of his account.

He did his best not to make eye contact with anyone in the line behind them as they left the apple store.

They found a bench in a nearby park and spent the next few hours people watching, making up stories about the people they saw.

“She’s in an unhappy marriage,” Dan whispered. “She’s having an affair with him.” He pointed to the man across the playground from her, where her daughter was playing.

Phil took a bite of the sandwich he had bought from a nearby cafe. “Does her daughter know?”

“Of course not, Phil. She’s like, five.”

“Just hoping for maximum drama,” Phil said around another mouthful of sandwich.

Dan grimaced. “Stop chewing with your mouth open. It’s gross.”

Phil swallowed. “Your mum’s gross.”

Dan hit Phil on the back. “Take that back.”

“You first.”

“No.”

“Then I guess we’ll just have to agree to disagree.” Phil looked almost sad.

Dan snorted. “Let’s disagree to disagree.”

“How does that work?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t put much thought into it yet.”

Phil laughed, taking the last bite out of his sandwich and brushing a few crumbs out of his lap.

Dan checked the time. “Is there anything else you want to do before we go back to your place?”

“Well,” Phil said. “I, uh. Have a reservation for after dinner.”

“A reservation?” Dan looked down at his clothes. He hoped it wasn’t too nice.

“The sky bar,” Phil said. “I don’t know if you know it, I’m sorry, I-”

Phil looked so anxious. “No,” Dan said, doing his best to sound reassuring. “It’s fine, just… unexpected.”

Phil smiled in relief. “We should get going if we’re going to make it on time.”

When they got to the sky bar, Dan looked at the menu and tried not to panic at the prices.

“I’ll pay,” Phil said quietly. “Don’t worry about it.”

That only made things slightly better.

Phil must have noticed that the worry didn’t fall from his face, because he tried to reassure Dan again. “Really, it’s fine. Get whatever you want.”

Dan nodded, but he scanned the menu for the cheapest items and ordered those anyway. Phil had just graduated uni; he wasn’t exactly rolling in money, and Dan didn’t want to feel like any more of a burden on him than he already did.

It didn’t matter. His drink tasted incredible.

“Is it alright?” Phil asked, still anxious.

“It’s perfect,” Dan said. It was. The sun was beginning to set, and the view from this high up was beautiful. The view next to him was even prettier.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, staring out the windows and watching the sun bathe everything in a warm, golden glow.

Dan reached for Phil’s hand under the table. Phil reached back.

***

It was dark when they boarded the bus back to Rossendale. The bus was nearly empty, but they chose two seats in the back, as far away from everyone else as possible.

“Busses are weird.” Dan yawned.

Phil giggled. “It’s not even late. Are you tired?”

Dan glared. “Shut up.”

Phil stuck out his tongue. “Make me.”

Dan hoped his face wasn’t as red as it felt. “Shut up,” he managed to squeak out.

Phil sat back in his seat, smiling in satisfaction.

“Shut up,” Dan whined, poking him.

“You sound like a broken record. Do you say anything other than shut up?”

“Shut-” Dan stopped. “Yes,” he insisted.

Phil smirked. “Prove it.”

“I’ve said so many things other than shut up today.”

Phil shrugged. “If you say so.”

“I do.” Dan leaned back into his seat, trying to project confidence.

Phil shrugged again. “I believe you,” he said, with the air of someone who absolutely did not believe the person they were talking to.

Dan sighed, and changed the subject. “How long is the ride?”

“About half an hour, hopefully,” Phil said.

His train ride had been much longer than that. He could survive this. Especially with Phil with him.

“I met a boy on the train once, you know,” Phil said, startling Dan out of his thoughts.

Dan looked up, slightly confused. Why was Phil telling him about some other boy? “You did?”

“Yeah,” Phil laughed. “He was really cute, too. We spent the whole train ride talking, and it turned out he actually lived really close by. This was when I was in uni. But anyway, at the end, he asked me for my number, so I gave it to him, and then-” Phil paused to hide his face.

“Then what?” Dan asked, perplexed.

“I texted him,” Phil said, muffled.

“What’d you say?”

“I asked him if he was asking me out,” Phil said, still with his face hidden in his arms.

“Was he?” Dan asked, though he suspected the answer by now.

“No,” Phil whined, lifting his head up. “He wasn’t. He was straight.”

Dan couldn’t help a horrified giggle.

“It’s not funny,” Phil said, though a smile was starting to peek through his carefully composed sulk.

Dan wanted to stop laughing, he really did, but he just couldn’t. His giggle grew until it was the dumb hyena laugh he always felt self-conscious of, but with Phil sitting next to him, he didn’t mind.

Phil was starting to laugh a little bit too. He buried his head in Dan’s shoulder to hide it. “You’re the worst.” He landed a half-hearted punch on Dan’s ribs.

Dan just laughed harder. “That’s awful, oh my god.”

“So stop laughing!” Phil whined.

Dan finally managed to quiet his laugh. “It’s a good thing, though, really. Because now you have me instead of stupid bus boy.”

“You’re so much better than stupid bus boy,” Phil whispered, reaching for Dan’s hand to give it a quick, reassuring squeeze.

The warmth of his hands lingered even after they were gone.

***

Phil’s house was dark and quiet when they finally arrived. Dan didn’t know what else he had expected. Phil’s parents weren’t home; that was the whole reason he was visiting right now.

Dan declined politely when Phil asked if he wanted a full house tour, instead choosing to dump his backpack on Phil’s bedroom floor without asking first. He thought, halfway through doing it, that maybe he should have checked first, but Phil didn’t seem to mind, so he just left it.

Phil’s bedroom looked different than it did on Skype. Less grainy.

Phil dropped himself onto his bed, gesturing for Dan to follow him. “Wanna play some music?”

“Sure,” Dan said, sitting down next to Phil. “Queen, probably, it’s the least we can do to thank them for bringing us together.”

Phil laughed. “Not because they’re good?”

“No. Just because gay.”

“Freddie Mercury would be proud,” Phil said.

“He probably would be,” Dan admitted.

“What song?”

Dan thought about it a bit, chewing at the inside of his lip. “Somebody To Love,” he finally said.

Phil grinned. “Excellent choice.”

“Thank you,” Dan said, basking in the glow of Phil’s approval as the piano started playing. “I can play this on piano, you know.”

“You can?”

“Yeah. I can play most Queen songs.”

Phil tilted his head. “You’ll have to show me sometime.”

“But you don’t have a keyboard.”

Phil tilted his head. “Guess I’ll have to visit you sometime.”

Dan couldn’t help the nervous thrill that ran through his stomach. “A shame, really. You have no other option.”

“I’ll survive.”

Dan hummed along to the chorus.

Phil poked him. “Just humming? Coward.”

Dan startled. “What?”

“I want to hear you sing.” Phil’s eyes were twinkling with the slightest bit of mischief.

“No. Absolutely not.” Dan crossed his arms.

“Fine,” Phil said. “I guess I’m going to have to sing myself.”

“That’s almost worse,” Dan said.

Phil pouted. “I’m a great singer.”

“I’m sure.”

Phil began to sing along, his voice warbling.

“Shush,” Dan said. “I want to hear Freddie Mercury.”

Phil sighed, but switched to dramatically lip syncing instead.

“Much better,” Dan said, trying to control his facial expression so Phil couldn’t tell that he was being a little bit cute right now.

Phil’s performance was so over the top it was honestly funny, until he reached the end of the song. He sang along, softly this time, looking directly at Dan in a way that gave him goosebumps.

Dan couldn’t help but look away.

“How was my performance?” Phil asked.

“It was alright,” Dan said, leaning back on his elbows.

“Oh yeah?”

Dan sat back up. “Not too relatable, though.”

“Why not?”

“I’ve already found somebody to love,” Dan said, smiling at Phil.

“Really,” Phil said, teasing. “Who?”

Dan felt his cheeks warm. “You probably don’t know him. He goes to a different school,” he managed.

Phil laughed. “I like you too.”

Dan didn’t think it was even possible for his cheeks to be any warmer. “I guess you’re kind of cool too.”

“Shut up,” Phil said, pulling Dan closer.

“Make me,” Dan said.

“Okay,” Phil said, promptly kissing him.

Dan shut up for quite a while after that.

[petri808]

Fandom: Fairy Tail. Rating: Mature.  Nalu AU ANGST trigger warning.  Based on this post.  Just under 10k words

Lucy Heartfilia is diagnosed with a heart defect. Stuck in the hospital waiting on the transplant list, there is only one thing bringing any light to her dreary world; a volunteer named Natsu Dragneel who truly becomes her bittersweet savior.

@uzumaki2810 Here you go, I hope you like it :)  Also thank you to the angst queen @doginshoe IM SORRY I FORGOT TO ADD THIS MESSAGE ;-; she beta’d and bore the tears with me to make sure it was a good story :)

~~ ~~ ~~ ~~

It all started back in her last year of middle school when puberty really kicked into overdrive and she developed a well-endowed chest.  She assumed the little pricks of pain related to the added weight cause they sure gave her a backache if she pushed herself too hard.  Exercise was overly exhausting, so there went any chances of making the cheer squad in high school.  Not that Lucy was really interested in sports, but by the start of high school she realized any physical activity needed to be avoided.  But she didn’t want to worry her father since it was a random pain that would only surface if she exerted herself; ergo it was her boob’s fault, and she kept the pain to herself.

As time passed, and her high school years carried on, Lucy did her best to ignore the symptoms, even when something new manifested itself.  Fatigue…  she was studying too hard.  Rapid heartbeat… well, there was that cute boy that just walked by.  Shortness of breath when she laid down…  it’s just from the weight of her chest.  Each and every time, Lucy found a rational explanation.  She buried her nose in her studies as an outlet, which she really didn’t mind so much.  Her favorite thing to do in the world was to write quick fantasy stories she’d make up, and she’d often spend her breaks holed up in the library researching some new topic of dragons or fairies or whatever had caught her attention.

“Ugghhhh,” Lucy flinches as the blinding white light breaks through the surface of her vision.  She shields her eyes and slowly opens them but can only manage a tiny squint.  Her mind was groggy, and she swore her limbs felt like dead weights.  “W-Where am I?”        

She hears the muffled sound of her father’s voice calling for a doctor.  Why was there a slight ringing in her ear?  Something about she’s awake now, hurry?  The rest had been too muffled to understand.  Had she been asleep?  Lucy was completely confused. But the light… the light was so bright!

“Ms. Heartfilia?  Ms. Heartfilia, can you hear me?”

It was a strange male voice talking to her.  Where did her father go?

“Yes,” she croaks out, flinching as her body is coming out of its slumber and suddenly a sharp pain hits her again.  Lucy winces, this was worse than before.

“Ms. Heartfilia, do you know where you are?”

She shakes her head.  

“You’re in the hospital, dear.”

Wait!  It was her father’s voice again.  What did he mean she was in a hospital!  Lucy forces herself to open her eyes fully, though, keeping her hand between her face and the overhead lights.  “Why am I in a hospital?!”

Lucy hears the doctor's voice again, seemingly at a distance because her viewpoint was limited, speaking to someone.  Fainted.  Temporary amnesia.  Congenital heat disease.  Wait what?!  “Hey what’s going on?!” she calls out then is hit by another spike of pain.  Damn it!  “Dad?   Hello?!”  But it’s like she was being ignored.  Birth defect.  Advanced case.  Surgery.  “Someone please talk to me!”  Tears prick at the corners of her eyes.  “Talk to me!!!”  A third, and now the largest stab of pain hits her.  Lucy cries out at the pain and curls in on herself.  More shouting and the voice returns, hands probing something near her chest, and machines starting to blare out warning beeps.

“Please calm down Ms. Heartfilia, calm down, don’t push yourself too much or the pain will get worse.”

How could this get any worse…

That was 3 years ago, and the sands of time were running low.

Her father had done all he could, dragging her to specialist after specialist, exhausting a chunk of his fortune on doctors from one coast to the other, only to be told Lucy would need a heart transplant or she may not see her twenty-first birthday.  The most they could do for her while she waited on the transplant list was implant a ventricular assist device into her body.  It gave her a small measure of freedom instead of being tied to a normal transcutaneous machine, but it was still uncomfortable.  Her movements were restricted, she had to be careful of catching a cold, and what ended up being the hardest part, was the breast reduction surgery they had her undergo at the same time of the VAD surgery to reduce the weight and strain it added to her heart.

For so long she’d blamed her large breasts for causing all her pains, but now that she knew they weren’t, it was sad to see them go.  They were a part of her after all, no matter how much of a headache they could be.  For weeks after the surgery, Lucy could barely look at herself in the mirror.  She didn’t recognize herself anymore.  This youthful woman with tubes sticking out of her stomach which attached to a device around her waist that helped her weakened heart muscles do their job to keep her alive.  That had been the diagnosis, a congenital birth defect that weakened her heart muscles, and as she aged, the muscles would continue to deteriorate.  Oh, her father was so furious when they were told she didn’t qualify for an artificial heart because death wasn’t imminent.  

It hadn’t taken long after completing high school that the depression had surfaced.  All of her friends were moving on to college, most to distant campuses so she had no one to talk to.  Lucy would hide away in her bedroom for days at a time as the internal struggle mounted.  Why continue to go through this pain and struggle… why not just end it quickly and painlessly.  It was tempting.  From the research she’d done on heart defects, the end wasn’t very pretty.  Her only hope was a donor, but people die every day on the transplant list waiting for a heart that never came, just growing weaker and weaker….

At least the VAD had given her two decent years, but her days of being an outpatient at the hospital had come to an end.  Even with the device assisting her heart, Lucy’s body was struggling to deal with the strain.  The smallest exertions required fuel from her heart to power her body, so even something as minimal as the fatigue of reading a book for too long could trigger an arrythmia or worse, and the pain that may accompany it.  She needed to stay in the hospital so that her heart could be constantly monitored and if there was any sudden change, they could address it quickly.

The doctors were doing their best to keep her alive in the hopes a donor would surface.  But you never knew when one would become available, and her time was running short.  The original prediction of not making it to twenty-one was fast approaching.  Frankly, Lucy felt like it was by the luck of the draw and the odds were better at a Las Vegas casino.  It was a lonely experience being cooped up in the hospital and thankfully there was one glimmer of happiness amongst the sterile white halls.

“Lucy!”      

“Hi Natsu.”

He smirks, “I brought you something.”  The young man was bouncing on the balls of his feet with his hands clasped behind his back.  

All the volunteers that visited the hospital were kind people, but there was one that made Lucy smile the most.  A young man named Natsu Dragneel.  She’d told herself at the beginning of her medical odyssey that she wouldn’t let anyone get too close to her, not only for her protection but there’s.  The pain of losing someone you care about was an emotion Lucy had borne at the tender age of five when her mother lost her own battle to cancer, and it was a feeling she didn’t wish upon her worst enemy.  But this man sure made that promise a tough one to keep.    

Natsu’s adoptive mother was a long-time surgery nurse at this hospital, who had had taught him the value of life.  It was because of seeing her kindness towards people that spurred his decision to be a volunteer.  Even at eighteen years of age he knew that volunteering would be difficult, and five years later, he would admit it never got any easier.  Many volunteers eventually burn out, especially when dealing with the terminal patients, but Natsu pushed through, reminding himself it was those very patients that needed their support the most.

“Oh,” she quirks an eyebrow, “what is it?”

“Tada!” he whips out a single yellow rose with pinkish-red tipped petals and hands it to her.  “My younger sister showed me how to dye the tips, isn’t it cool!”

Lucy takes the flower, “wow that is really beautiful!  The pink even matches your hair.” She lifts it to her nose and picks up on the light rosy fragrance it exuded.  “Smells nice too.”  She tries to hand it back to Natsu.

“Tch, my hair’s not pink, it’s salmon, and I made it for you,” he smiles, “something to brighten your day.”  Natsu then walks over to the small bathroom and fills a cup with water, brings it back and places it on the small windowsill next to her bed.  “For the flower.”

“Thank you,” Lucy blushes a little and hands him back the bloom since she couldn’t reach the cup herself. “It was really kind of you to bring me that Natsu.”

“Nah,” he places the flower in the cup for her, “I’d do anything to make you smile.”

It wasn’t every day, but Natsu would come to see her as often as he could.  His regular job as a construction worker wasn’t a regular 9 to 5 kind of thing.  Some weeks he might work five days straight, while on slower periods like the winter and early spring months it may only be a couple of days a week depending on weather.  He’d told her that working with his hands was something he enjoyed immensely, and the company was training him to be a carpenter.  

Natsu sure wasn’t what she’d expected of a construction guy.  Oh, his hands showed the roughened appearance of someone who worked hard for a living, but she thought they would be these rough and tumble kind of men.  Not Natsu, with his goofy and sweet personality.  She could only imagine how well such a line of work helped to keep the man in shape.  He always wore t-shirts and jeans, but his trim features hidden behind the fabric were easily discernable.        

The light of the sun brought the yellow rose to life along with a slight tremor in her heart, not of pain but of adoration.  Lucy smiles sweetly at his remark, her eyes crinkling, glinting with a tinge of moisture she had no control over.  She didn’t want to admit her growing affection for this man who always said the sweetest things or made the most charming gestures.  Natsu was always so compassionate and supportive, while never making it seem like it was just his job as a volunteer to comfort the patients.  It was easy to wish that maybe… he was doing it just for her?  

Lucy ducks her head, hiding the hint of jealousy coating her cheeks and tone, “I’m sure you make such kind gestures for the other patients too.”

“Oh, no,” Natsu sits beside her and takes her hand, “just you.”  He gently lifts her chin, forcing her to face him.  She averts her eyes, but he stares forward, softening his glare, almost wanting to chuckle that he’s had such an effect on her.  “You’re special to me.”

Of all the patients in this small hospital, Lucy Heartfilia was the one his heart grieved for the most.  It wasn’t fair, at only twenty years old, for this beautiful and intelligent woman to be tied to a hospital bed, watching her life flash by in the form of ridges and valley peaks.  The first time they had met was two years ago, but back then she would only come in for overnight monitoring’s or check-ups, and after her major surgery, she stayed for a few months during the recovery process.  By now, they were friends, but it had taken work on his part to get her to open up to him.      

“No, I’m not…” Lucy sucks the corner of her bottom lip in to stifle the tremor.  

His tone deepens in a comeback, “Yes, you are.”

Her eyes finally snap to his, and when she sees the determination behind them, reality kicks in.  He was telling the truth!  Oh, heaven help her.  It was cute to dream, but not for it to be real.  She feels a sting in her chest and pushes his hands away.  “Please don’t,” her voice is barely a whisper, trembling from the stinging pain in her heart and her soul.  “I-I shouldn’t be….”  ‘This is so wrong…  Because I’m dying and he deserves someone better.  I shouldn’t have said anything.’  Stupid little daggers of jealousy!  She clutches her chest, willing her heart to still, and pain to subside, ‘please go away!’

“Hey, hey!” Natsu immediately switches his concern from being flirty to concerned.  “Lucy please calm down, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to upset you!”

“I-It’s okay, I-I’ll be okay.” She fights the tears back with all the strength she can muster.  Lucy didn’t want to cry in front of Natsu.  “Please, Natsu, I don’t want to get our hopes up l-like that…. If this… If things were different….”

“Shhh,” he cradles her face, “shhh, it’s okay Luce, I feel the same way.”

After a few moments, Lucy lets out a long exhale.  “I appreciate it, I really do.”  She looks up and cracks a pained smile.  “You’re the only thing keeping me going, but I-I just don’t even want to think about not being there for you…”

It was Natsu’s turn to crack.  “Please don’t finish that.”  He looks down, holding back the urge to cry or show how upset it makes him.  “I don’t want to think about that.”

“But it…”

“You don’t know that, no one knows that, and I,” his voice falters, seething with all the will of his soul placed behind it, “I will cling to hope till my dying breath.”

The sudden change in his demeanor, switches Lucy from feeling so self-absorbed in her own thoughts to realize, Natsu has had an effect on her, but she truly had an effect on him too.  It hurt even more now that his behaviors weren’t just a rouse to make her happy, and it killed her to think of what he will suffer when she goes.    

“I’m sorry, Natsu.  I didn’t realize.”  She grabs his hand, squeezing it hard.  “Natsu I’m sorry.  Let’s stop thinking about this then, hmm,” doing her best to keep her tone soft and comforting.  “Look at me, Natsu, please, I don’t want to keep fighting with you.”

He sighs, “you’re right.  That’s the last thing I wanna do with you.”  It was a surprise even to himself that he’d lost his cool, and for the first time the awareness of his growing infatuation became real.

“Good,” she squeezes his hand again.  “Hey, um, you know its lunch time, we could eat outside since it’s a nice day…” her voice grows tentative, “if you’ll join me.”

“Lucy Heartfilia, are you asking me out on a date?” He chuckles, ready to put all the sadness behind them.  “Because if that’s the case,” the sparkle in his eyes return, “I would be honored.”

For the next couple of months, Natsu and Lucy’s friendship flourishes, as her physical body slowly deteriorates.  It was hard, he couldn’t lie, to watch this happen, and if it wasn’t for the strength of his convictions or his plain stubborn attitude about it that kept him upbeat.  He knew that she needed him to be her strength, and that fueled his desire to make sure she smiles every day.  

Lucy didn’t know, but his mother would keep him updated on her condition.  Not that he needed to know all the technical jargon, for he could see it with his own eyes.  Lucy herself would tell him just enough information when she needed to, but he never pushed or pried for it, letting it always be on her terms.  The cardiomyopathy was getting worse, her heart muscles barely functioning on its own at this point.  She had her good days and bad days but walking around wasn’t really an option anymore aside from brief steps for a purpose.  It also meant that the muscles in her legs were weakening too.  Physical therapy once a week worked with Lucy on light stretches to keep them from completely atrophying, but it was all they could do for her at this point.  But no matter how much weight she lost, or that her hair didn’t hold its familiar luster, to Natsu she would always be the same radiant woman he adored.  

She’d resigned herself to this fate a lot better than Natsu would have thought a person could do.  When he tried to picture himself in her shoes, he was sure he wouldn’t have the strength to keep going, but that was what amazed him even more about her.  On her agreeable days, Natsu enjoyed getting her out of her room, even if for brief periods of time.  Lunch or dinner in the cafeteria, the grounds of the hospital on a sunny day, or even stargazing when the evening air was warm.  He’d bring a wheelchair, and off they’d go, talking about anything or nothing, avoiding the subject of her condition, just giving her a smidge of a normal existence for once.              

Lucy opens her eyes at the knock on her door to see a familiar face pop through.  “Hey Natsu,” she cracks a pained smile.  

“Hey Luce, how ya doin’ today?”

She starts to sit up in the hospital bed, but when it’s clear to Natsu the woman was struggling, he quickly rushes over and assists.  “Thanks,” another light smile.  “I’m sorry, I’ve been a little sore today.”

“Never apologize to me,” he smiles back warmly.  No matter what, he always did his best to appear upbeat for the patients despite his heart literally breaking for them.  He places his hand on hers, “so, tell me gorgeous, are ya hungry?  We could dinner date in the cafeteria if you’re up to it.  My treat,” he winks.

“Stop calling me gorgeous,” Lucy chides the sunny young man, despite the small rosy glow of her cheeks.  “I know I’m not, and that’s okay.”  With the help of a psychiatrist and over a year of therapy, Lucy had finally accepted her fate and kept moving forward as best she could.  If she will die someday, she will die with dignity.  Stress wasn’t very good on her heart, so once she made peace with her circumstances, even her physical ailments had benefitted.  

“Pfft,” Natsu pretends to be offended, “are you calling me a liar because I know I’m not blind.”  His grin growing along with the deepening of red along her cheeks.  “Besides, you know I won’t stop no matter how much you complain about it.”  

Lucy laughs and her eyes twinkle, “I know, so we’ll keep agreeing to disagree.”

It was in these moments, and why he did what he did, just to see this woman’s eyes light up, that sent his own heart into palpitations.  Deep down Natsu knew that the chances of Lucy making it out of this hospital were slim to none, but you’d never know it when he spoke to her.  He stifles the urge to sigh. Oh, how he wished the circumstances were different.  In a perfect world, Natsu would love nothing more than to walk this woman down the aisle.

He circles the topic back around, “so… dinner, on me?” he teases lightly with a wink.  “We can take a trip through pediatrics where there are a few recent arrivals.”

Her gaze lowers as she hides the seventh heaven emotions the young man stirs in her.  “I’d like that.”

Natsu squeezes her hand, “I’ll be right back, lemme grab your carriage milady.”

As Lucy waited the few minutes for Natsu to grab a wheelchair, she closes her eyes and does a breathing technique to calm her heart.  She hadn’t wanted to show the slight tinges of pain she was getting as they spoke, because she knew it would have worried him.  They’d been steadily increasing in frequency lately, and she fought to keep him from discovering that.  But she couldn’t help it.  Despite her condition, Lucy was still a young woman with an intact mind, she still had desires like any other, and when a handsome young man close to her age flirted with her, of course she would react to it!  She did her best not to let these thoughts sink in too deeply and told herself he was merely doing it to make her feel better.  It was a lie, but it was the best way to shield herself.

“Ready?”  Natsu extends his hand to help Lucy to her feet.

She nods and takes hold, gripping on while he maneuvers her around and onto the chair.  It weakened Lucy to where her muscles were slowly losing their strength because her heart was struggling to keep her body oxygenated and functioning properly.  With support she could stand for brief periods, but only with support.  At least with Natsu, she could put her faith in his hold that he’d never let her fall.  

After adjusting the foot plates and making sure Lucy was comfortable, Natsu takes off towards the cafeteria two floors down.  He’d already alerted dining when he’d gone out for the chair they were coming down, to prepare a meal within Lucy’s dietary needs.  It wasn’t a terribly restrictive diet, but there were some limits, such as no stimulants like caffeine, or anything with a high fat content.

Natsu loved these little dates as he called them.  On warm sunny days it may include a stroll outside for some fresh air, or if it was cold and rainy, merely sharing a cup of light hot chocolate in the visitor's lounge in front of the massive floor to ceiling windows.  But if Lucy wasn’t feeling well, he was content to sit by her side in her room, talking, telling stories, or doing anything just to cheer her up.  Sometimes he would fantasize during these events as if they were simply at home and relaxing like a normal couple.

“Oh yay, beef barley,” Lucy stirs and lifts a spoonful up before letting it flow back into the bowl.  “My fave.”  She knew why they gave it to her, but that didn’t make it anymore appetizing.  Barley was supposedly good for heart health, and the protein it contained was useful for her body.  She crunches up the soda crackers the meal came with and drops them into the soup, letting the pieces soak in.

“I don’t mind it,” Natsu shovels a spoonful into his mouth.  He always made it a point to eat the same thing they gave Lucy, so she felt more normal about it.  “But if you really don’t want it, I could ask them to make you a sandwich instead.”

“No, no,” she waves her hand, her voice oozing with a sense of longing mixed with frustration, “it’s okay, I’m fine with it.  I just would kill to eat a fatty, tasty, slathered in sauce cheeseburger with a side of waffle fries or something you know.”

Natsu snorts a laugh and almost chokes on his food as a mental picture of Lucy chomping down on a burger, with sauce dripping down her chin both amuses and arouses him.  “I-I can imagine,” he bangs his chest a couple times to dislodge some liquid that made it down the wrong pipe.  “Throw some sriracha sauce on that vision and you just named one of my favorite foods.”  Could this woman become any more of his dream girl?!

She giggles, “So, um…” Lucy hesitates for a second.  She didn’t want to sound desperate or anything, but loneliness was the quickest way to send her back into a depression and she cherished the time the man spent with her.  “How much time are you spending with me today?”    

“As long as you’d like,” he winks.  “I always do my rounds first and come to you last so I can stay as long as I want to.”

Ugh!  The flirty thing again!  Lucy wills her body to behave.  “Wow, that makes me pretty special, huh?”

“Extremely,” he leans in, letting his gaze grow half-lidded, and his tone mellowing into a soothing cadence. “I’m gonna steal your heart one day Luce, that’s a promise.”

“What?!  Pfft,” damn, she can feel the heat rising in her cheeks, “there’s no point in stealing a broken heart sir…”  Despite the desire to feel aroused over his comment, it also brought a sense of sadness to her she fought down the urge to let tears rise to the surface.  ‘He’s just teasing… he’s just being sweet, trying to make me feel normal… It’s not real Lucy, It’s not real!’  But oh, how she wished it was!  Natsu was the perfect man that any woman would kill for.  Sweet, strong, handsome, silly, she could go on and on with the list.  He was the one ray of sunshine in her dreary world now that she truly was all alone in it.  The stress of caring for her had driven her father into his own massive heart attack last year.  She had no one, except Natsu.

“I mean it Luce,” he reaches out and takes her hand, letting his thumb sweep over the skin.  “Broken or not, I want to steal it and have the person it’s attached to a—ll to myself.”

“Please don’t,” Lucy pulls her hand back.  She could feel the tears pooling and if she didn’t stop it now, they’d soon fall.  “You know I appreciate it, really I do Natsu.”  Lucy looks back up at him and cracks a pained smile.  “But you deserve someone who’s not broken.”

The absolute pain measured in Lucy’s eyes, and the sorrow in her voice was like a dagger straight through Natsu’s soul.  He could understand her desire of not wanting to believe in miracles or to shield herself from further pain, but that only killed him more.  She deserved so much more out of life. Ugh, if only he had a direct line to destiny so he could kick its ass and tell it to leave Lucy in peace!  He didn’t want to upset her anymore.  “Okay, I’ll stop pushing too hard.  But I promise you Luce, one day you will walk out of this hospital a healthy woman, and you can steal my heart instead.”

She sighs, “You can’t promise something like that.”

“I have faith,” Natsu gives her his wide, ear-to-ear grin and a wink.  “You’ll see.”

How could she stay upset after seeing that smile of his?  That damn ear-to-ear grin that lit up his eyes.  The eternal optimist, Natsu Dragneel trying so hard to keep her spirits up.  He and that smile may very well be the one thing keeping her going at this point.  “Okay, okay,” Lucy chuckles, “I give up, yes it's possible.”

“Woo Hoo!”  He pumps his fist in the air in an exaggerated victory, “that’s the spirit!  Now eat, so we can go check out the babies!”  

Lucy laughs again and nods with a smile, “okay.”

It was harder than she let on to him because she knew how much he enjoyed checking out all the new arrivals, but seeing those babies coming into this world while she would be leaving it shortly was painful.  All those hopeful, bright little lives….  They were a bittersweet reminder that a hospital holds two balances; the power to bring life into this world or take it away by not being able to heal a person.  She didn’t blame the doctors, for they were doing their best, because sometimes the sands of time runs its course and there is just nothing more they can do.  It was simply a part of life, to be born and die, never knowing when the grim reaper would come calling.  

“Look, look!  I was told three were born yesterday.” Natsu points excitedly as he parks her chair in front of the viewing window of the nursery.  He plasters his face against the clear glass.  “Two girls and one boy.  Awww, one already has some hair!”  Turning back to Lucy, “can you see okay, would you like me to help you stand up?”

“Thank you for the offer, but I can see just fine,” Lucy throws on a smile for effect.  “They are quite adorable, aren’t they?”

“Are you sure?  You know the doctors want you to stand sometimes so that your legs don’t atrophy as quickly.  I will gladly bear the weight.”

“Are you saying I’m heavy?!”  She was just teasing, but it was the perfect setup to do so.

“What?!” he waves his arms, “n-no way!  You’re not heavy, I meant I’m stronger so I can hold you up…”

“So, I’m weak?”

“Wait, what, no!”

Lucy giggles at how much the man was stepping all over his tongue.  “I’m just teasing you, Natsu.  I know I should, but I’m just a little tired today.”  That was partially true.

The man pouts, “so mean Luce,” he whines and throws on the saddest puppy dog expression he can muster, even a sniffle for effect.  “But it was an excuse to hold you in my arms.”

Oh, how quickly the tides can turn as his bold little statement sets her face ablaze.  He re—ally needed to stop with the flirting, or she was about to have an actual heart attack!  “All right,” Lucy groans, “just for a few minutes.”  It wasn’t the first time she’s allowed him to help her stand and maintain her balance, but before his little retort, she’d never thought twice about it.  

Natsu locks the chair and adjusts the foot plates out of the way so that Lucy can put her feet on the ground.  “Just take all the time you need,” his voice grows soft and soothing, “don’t rush.”

She tests her leg strength by pushing with the balls of her feet against the floor, rocking them and applying pressure to warm up the muscles.  Brief movements, like getting from the bed to the wheelchair were one thing, standing for a few minutes or walking a few feet were another.  It was frustrating and embarrassing, so she avoided it as much as possible, like when going to the bathroom.  Lucy didn’t mind when the nurses assisted her with that compromising predicament, but this was embarrassing in a different way.  

Once she feels her legs are ready, she holds out her hand which Natsu quickly takes hold of and braces her other on the arm of the chair to push herself up.  When she gets to a standing position, Natsu moves around her body, placing an arm around her waist as he gently guides her the two feet to the window.  He stays on constant alert, monitoring any change so if her legs decide to buckle, he can catch her.  As soon as she reaches the window, Lucy places her hands on the slight ledge of the sill.  Natsu then switches his position to stand directly behind her, wrapping both arms around her upper chest to hold her close, but above the tubes in her lower abdomen.  

Could he feel how much her body was heating up from the intimate contact?  Lucy fought her own emotions to keep from escalating and stressing her heart out, for she was keenly aware of how they would look to anyone passing by.  Dear heavens, it was hard to do with his chest pressed up against her back…. She wished they could stay like that forever.  ‘Breathe… just breathe, Lucy…. Look at the babies, just focus on the babies…’  That only made it worse.

The babies….  Just a day old. The little angels were like moldable clay.  They’ll grow… they’ll change…  Will they become teachers or astronauts some day?  Oh, look at the one, smiling in his sleep, how precious.  Someday, will they make their dreams come true?  What will they be like?  Good little kids or naughty, friendly, the life of the party or a shy introvert?  Like many young girls who dreamt of becoming a mother someday, Lucy had envisioned having a family of her own with the love of her life and the white picket fence.  A little girls fantasy.  She closes her eyes, praying that Natsu wasn’t paying attention to her.  The tears pool behind her eyelids and she stills the desire to sniffle.  That fantasy was now dashed like a shipwreck against the shoreline, never to sail the seven seas again.  Natsu would have made the perfect husband and father for such a fairytale, and he will one day, just not in her storybook ending.

She’d been so focused on fighting back her emotions, that Lucy hadn’t noticed Natsu’s head was now resting against her shoulder or how his face was curled against the nape.  

“It’s okay to cry sometimes Luce.”

His whispered voice, so close to her ear, breaks the dam.  Lucy squeezes her eyes tighter and fingertips curl, tensing against the windowsill.  Shit, he knew all along.  Her knees tremble as the tears flow freely, but she feels his hold tighten around her to keep her from falling.  It had been some time since she’d allowed herself to release the pain in this way.

Natsu hadn’t been certain of it until now, but in the last several times they’d come to the pediatric ward, he’d sensed a change in Lucy’s energy.  She always wore a smile with a hidden agenda and now he’s confirmed his suspicions.  Well, it was his mother really that pointed it out one day when he’d mentioned it to her.  The woman was great at understanding human emotions and after years of caring for patients, she’s learned to follow her intuition.  

“Lucy was a young woman who may not live to be a mother or have a family of her own, of course it might upset her to see the infants.”  His first inclination was to stop bringing the woman to this ward, but his mother gave him a second option.  “Help her grieve.”  Those three words coming out of his mother’s mouth stunned him briefly. What did she mean to help her grieve?!!  “If Lucy has no one to turn to, how can she process what is happening to her.  Show her it’s okay to be upset, help her let out the pain before it consumes her.”  

“I will hold you for as long as I need to Luce, just let the pain go.”

But it was killing him to do this!  Natsu had told his mother that he didn’t think he was strong enough. The woman simply smiled, patted his cheek and said, “I believe in you son.  If you truly care, then you’ll have the strength to move mountains for her.”  Damn his mother and her intuition, though Natsu realized only a fool couldn’t see how much he was falling for Lucy.  He’d sell his soul to a demon to get her a new heart.

Strangely, Lucy’s body wasn’t reacting like she thought it would.  Stress usually caused her blood pressure to rise and strain her heart muscles, but that wasn’t happening.  She couldn’t stop the tears from flowing like a broken spigot, and maybe that was the best thing, like a release of the pressure that had built up unbeknownst to her.  Her hands move from the windowsill to Natsu’s arms, clutching to and resting her head on them.  Lucy couldn’t look up, not yet, but she needed to let him know she heard his words, and they meant the world to her.  

She would have made an amazing mother, Natsu was sure of it, and it would be a lie to say he’s never thought of or imagined them staring through this viewing window at their own little boy or girl one day.  Would the child have Lucy’s beautiful golden waves or chocolate brown eyes?  Or maybe take Natsu’s salmon pink hair and onyx eyes.  No matter what, the child would be perfect and loved.  A child that as the day ticked down on the transplant list was losing hope of ever being born.  Crap!  Natsu squeezes his eyes closed tight.  He couldn’t let her see him struggling with this, but damn if those images didn’t just cut him deep.

Neither of them knew how long they were standing there or even if any of the other hospital staff had noticed.  They were in their own little world while time passed them by.  It was Lucy who finally let out a small exhale as a last release of all that had struck her today, and with that tension gone, the tears turned into exhaustion.  Ever cry so hard and for so long that your body became lethargic?  Lucy yawns wide and deep, her eyes growing heavy and clouded, a little lightheaded, ready to go to sleep.

Natsu kisses the crown of her head and without a word, maneuvers her so she can sit back down in her wheelchair.  He sets the foot panels in place and helps her feet onto them, then pushes her back to her room.  There is a companionable silence, as if all their wordless exchanges had communicated volumes that needed no explanation.  Once back in her own room, Natsu helps her onto the bed and set the wheelchair aside.

After helping to re-attach her heart monitors, Natsu checks, “is there anything else I can get you before I go?”  She shakes her head.  “In that case…”

Lucy motions for him to lean in closer and once he’s close enough, she hesitates briefly then places a kiss on his cheek.  “Thank you for everything Natsu.”

His eyes widen, shocked by what she’d just done.  “Luce?”

“I just felt like doing it,” she blushes.  “Tonight… I don’t know, I just feel so much better and it’s all because of you.”  Lucy closes her eyes as a yawn cuts through.  They were so tired…    

“You are very welcome,” Natsu smiles.  He moves to leave, but Lucy grabs his hand and squeezes.  When he turns back to look, her eyes are still closed, and there is a slight smile on her face which brings a swelling of his pride.  He leans down and kisses the back of her hand.  “Rest now, and I will see you again tomorrow.”

Mister Sandman beckoned to Lucy of mystical creatures bathed in glittering stars, calling upon father time to bring peace to a weary soul.  She didn’t know why, but though the pull was strong, she fought his dreamy reverie.  Today had been the most emotionally charged day in a long time.  All the tears Lucy had shed brought a new peace to her spirit, something in this entire experience not even a trained therapist could have given her.  The amount of love that Natsu provided, whether platonic or wishful yearnings, calmed her, and pushed away the emptiness she had felt for so long…. So long stuck in this pain.  She wanted to relive this day forever, safe in Natsu’s arms, drowning in the pool of his obsidian hues.  ‘… to steal his heart…’  Lucy knew she already had, just as he had stolen hers in a way.  A sense of warmth floods through her body, shielding her to the cool air-conditioned room.  Lucy’s smile widens as her mind slips into the abyss of dreams, of a pink-haired prince who’d finally set her soul free.

“Natsu wake up,” the voice repeats as the person attached to it shakes his sleeping form.  “Natsu wake up.”

“Huh?” His clouded mind hears the voice of his mother.  “What is it?”  He turns his head, his eyes temporarily pin-pointed from the harsh lamp light next to his bed.  “Mom, what are you doing in my room?”  Natsu pushes himself to a sitting position as his mother takes a seat next to him.  With his vision focusing better, he finally notices the moisture clouding his mother’s eyes.  “Mom, what is it?!”  

She takes his hand, squeezing it tightly with her head slightly lowered in pain.  “I-I’m sorry, son, but the hospital just called me…. Your friend, s-she had a massive heart attack.”

By the time his mother had finished the sentence, Natsu had stopped listening to anything she was saying. He knew, the moment she’d said I’m sorry… to wake him up in the middle of the night, it had to be….  All the blood drains from his face and his shoulders slump.  He felt dizzy, weak, like all of his strength were stripped away, leaving him an empty shell.  He turns his head slowly, the tears already flowing down his cheeks in an endless trickle to meet the woman’s sullen gaze.  This wasn’t happening!  Not yet!  Lucy was fine today!  Fine!!  He wanted to scream!  But his throat was closed up, choking back the sobs that wanted to break free.  

“Oh honey,” the woman wraps her arms around her son and pulls him tightly against her chest.  “I’m so sorry,” her own tears flowing freely and hitting his face.  “Don’t give up hope, they were able to save her, but she’s been placed in a medically induced coma.”

It couldn’t be true!  Why weren’t his cries coming out?!  Natsu’s voice refused to make a sound and all he could do was weep.  It hurt so much!  His fists clench at his stiffened sides.  This wasn’t fair!  

“Let it out son, don’t hold it in,” she coos, doing her best to soothe the pain.  “They believe she didn’t suffer because it happened while she was asleep, that should give you a bit of comfort.”

No, it doesn’t!  She was still in a coma!  He’d almost lost her!  And, “I-I never g-got to s-say good... good…” he couldn’t finish it.  What if she never woke up again?  Natsu’s heart ached at the thought he may never again hear her beautiful laughter or that silly snort she would sometimes make when he teased her.  This world was too cruel to do this to a woman who should be in college, starting the next stage of her life.  A fit of sobs racks his body, ‘I never got to tell her I love her…’

“Would you like me to drive you there, son?”

“Yes, please mom, i-if you don’t mind.”  

“Of course.”

Natsu paused in front of the closed door to Lucy’s new room, unsuccessfully preparing himself for what he knew he would find behind it.  On the way to the hospital, his mother had filled in a few more details that tore the man up and brought a wave of guilt flooding over him.  Had he caused the heart attack?

The heart monitor alarms had gone off only 30 minutes after he had left her for the evening, and the doctors wasted no time in implementing emergency resuscitative efforts.  They deemed it a miracle, but after 10 minutes of herculean efforts they were able to get her heart restarted.  Lucy was then moved to the ICU unit and placed on other machines such as a feeding tube and ventilator to keep her alive.

Maybe he shouldn’t have pushed her to see the infants after all.  Maybe the crying had stressed her out and neither of them had known it.  She seemed perfectly fine when he’d left!  Happy, in fact, happier than he’d seen in a long time.  Natsu’s fingers absentmindedly trail over the area she had kissed.  Lucy was at peace when he’d left.  His mom told him her sudden fatigue may have been a sign.  Or maybe he clenches his jaw, that kiss was her way of saying goodbye, like she knew something might happen once she’d closed her eyes.  The way she’d grabbed his hand when he tried to leave….  “Fuck!” he grits outs as the tears pool in his bloodshot eyes again.  “I shouldn’t have left her…”  

He pushes the door open and his knees buckle instantly at the sight.  Tubes… all the tubes, and monitors, the beeping and lights, bright flashing lights of the stat graphs, subcutaneous fluids hooked to her arms, the drips… slow drips of liquid and medicine flowing into Lucy’s body.  He wasn’t ready for it.  Her beautiful face partially hidden by the feeding tube running into her mouth and the breathing tubes entering her nostrils.  If it wasn’t for his mother standing at his side, Natsu would have collapsed to the floor when his legs lose all their strength and crumple.  The woman guides him to a chair placed beside the bed.  

“Oh god, Lucy!”  The tears pour out and sobs take control of his body.  He throws his upper body over hers, clutching desperately to the blanket covering her, and burying his face into its folds.  Natsu felt a part of his soul die right then and there.  “You don’t deserve this,” his muffled words stolen by the fabric.  Why couldn’t they find her a heart?!

“Son,” Natsu feels his mother’s hand resting on his shoulder, but he doesn’t respond.  “Son, there’s no telling how long Lucy will stay in this state, so it’s best you say your goodbyes now.  They say that people can hear you even if they are in a coma.”

But all he can do is shake his head fervently, denying it to the world and himself that Lucy wouldn’t come out of this.  He had hope, damn it!  Natsu refused to say goodbye because that meant he’d given up hope Lucy would recover somehow.  

The woman seemed to understand her son’s frustration and didn’t push.  “Then, just talk to her son, let her know you’re here.”  

“Mom, could you… I wanna be alone, please?”                

“I’ll come back in an hour to take you home.”  

Natsu just nods in response.  He hears the door open and close, the click of the lock like the final latch being set on a coffin, sealing them to their fate.  He’d known the dangers of giving his heart to Lucy and yet despite what was happening, still had no regrets.  She deserved the peace of knowing someone loved her, and if this really was the last moments, Natsu could have that tiny measure of satisfaction knowing he was the one who had provided it to her.

“But you’re not gonna die yet, Luce.  You can’t, do you hear me, you can’t!  It’s not your time yet, so you need to fight for me please…”  Oh, how his heart was shattering into a million pieces as if he was the one with the problem.  It fucking hurt!  Emotional daggers stabbing him in the chest repeatedly.  “You’re stronger than this, Lucy!  I know it, you’re gonna wake up from this!”

By the time his mother returns an hour later, the sheer exhaustion had consumed Natsu.  She finds him passed out, and it takes a bit of begrudging effort to get him to leave Lucy’s bedside.  He was so afraid to leave again in case she passed away, because he didn’t want her to die alone.  It was his mother that coaxed him into believing that she wasn’t alone as long as he kept her in his heart.    

Day after day, week after week, became a never-ending cycle of zombiesque activity.  Natsu’s body was there, trudging through routine, but his mind was broken, battling between keeping hope alive and giving up.  He went to work, did his job, then headed to the hospital.  It got to where the staff had placed a spare bed in the room, and he practically lived in the ICU with Lucy.  He was lucky that his mother was a long-time nurse and he a volunteer with an impeccable standing that the hospital allowed him to bend the visitor hour rules.  They knew the woman was alone in this world, so maybe they also felt a sense of duty to become that family for her, because nobody deserved to die alone.

He grew obsessed with anything to do with her condition and used the lonely hours to scour the internet for information.  Sure, much of the stories about coma patients being able to hear weren’t really solid or verifiable, but any glimmer of possibilities was worth the effort.  It couldn’t hurt to try.  Whether it was telling her about his day or what was happening in their town, Natsu would keep talking.  He bought a kindle and read stories he thought she would like, fantasies of princes saving princesses filled with mythical creatures.  He remembered her saying she used to write such stories and wished he had been able to read them.

When he was too tired to read, or his throat was too sore to continue, Natsu wrote her letters.  The staff and his family were getting worried about Natsu.  So, the hospital’s mental health service counselor had come in one day and spoke to him on the off chance that they could get through to him.  While he refused to listen to most of the advice, he found the writing to be helpful.  Maybe when Lucy awakens, she could read them. But for now, it was one way he could pour out some of his thoughts in silence.      

He was always tired and exhausted, pushing himself through this day-to-day routine, sometimes forgetting to eat.  Concerned staff would often pop their heads in to check on him to make sure he had or scolded him when the hours grew late and they knew he needed to work the next day.  His bloodshot eyes held dark bags under them, and his mother swore he was losing weight.  But he would always push them off saying he was fine.

“No, you are not son.  As a mother I am supremely proud to know I raised a son who cares this much, but I don’t want to lose you too.”

“And you’re not, I’m perfectly healthy.”

“You know as well as I stress is harmful to the body.”

Natsu sighs and runs a hand over his face, “mom, I’m fine, I even cut back on work hours to make you happy.”

“And I appreciate the gesture, but you’re still working, just here!”

“Mom, I’m fine!  Please, just leave me be, I-I don’t want to fight.  I just want… I’m not leaving her.  End of discussion.”

His mother sighs, knowing that her stubborn boy would not listen.  “Just please, Natsu, eat more, get more sleep, do it for me.”

“Okay, okay, I will.”        

“I love you, son.”

“I love you too, mom.”

She kisses his forehead and turns to leave, taking one last look at her boy, and to Lucy.  Grandeeney Dragneel pauses with a bittersweet smile as Natsu resumed reading quietly from his Kindle.  Somehow, she knew that young girl loved her son back, and it broke her heart to know they were like those star-crossed lovers from a long-lost folktale, never destined to truly be together.  She liked Lucy.  The girl was smart and sweet, very articulate whenever she visited during her rounds, and her strength through this all was remarkable.  Even after being dealt such a cruel hand by fate, she never grew bitter or resentful.  Her son couldn’t have fallen for a better girl.  Grandeeney slips away quietly before the moisture building in her eyes could be seen by Natsu, bracing against the closed door, and praying for a miracle.

Is this that tunnel people talk about?  Lucy wonders as all she could see through her eyelids is the brightest light that seemed just too brilliant to be normal.  Her eyes hurt a little from it, but if this was heaven, why is there still pain?  She forces her lids open and tries to shield them with her hand that… doesn’t seem to move, huh?  But it wasn’t just her arm, her entire body felt heavy.  The images filtering in through her vision were blurry, slowly gaining focus as her pupils adjust to the light to see, wait, ceiling tiles?  Why does heaven look so much like a hospital?

“Oh good, you’re awake.”

Lucy looks over and sees a doctor standing beside her.  “Where am I?”  Or more like why am I here?  

“Do you remember the heart attack?”  She shakes her head.  “You’ve been in a coma for two months after you suffered a massive heart attack.  But luckily, a local donor came through...”  He goes on to explain about the surgery telling her that the transplant surgery went well, her body was accepting the new heart, and while she’ll still be going through three to six months or rehabilitation and monitoring, she was on track to make a full recovery.  

“Oh-okay, thank you so much, doctor.”  It was a miracle to be alive again with a new heart.  But something felt wrong, missing?    

“I’ll be back in a couple hours to check on you again Ms. Heartfilia, but if anything feels off in the meantime, be sure to ring the nurses.”  He moves to leave, but she stops him.

“Doctor, the donor, can you tell me about them, please?”

The man hesitates for a moment.  “Well Ms. Heartfilia, privacy laws don’t allow me to….”

“You don’t have to tell me their name or anything.  Please, just a little information.  I’d like to know who saved my life.”

The man sighs and takes the seat next to the bed, clearly torn with what he was about to say.  “He was a young volunteer at the hospital who tragically fell asleep at the wheel and passed away from a car accident…”

The doctor's voice droned on for another minute as he tried to reassure her that the man didn’t suffer. It was quick and painless from a one-car crash.  As if that was supposed to make her feel any better.  Lucy didn’t need to be told the name as tears poured down her cheeks, because she knew.  She just knew.  That was what was missing, for she knew that if she’d had received the new heart, Natsu would have been the one by her side when she’d woken up… unless he could be there.  With all the wires attached to her arm, she could barely move them without the sting of the I.V. lines, but she didn’t care.  Lucy’s hands cover her lowered face as the tears continue to stream.

“I’m very sorry, Ms. Heartfilia.  Would you like me to have someone from mental health support to come see you?”

Lucy shakes her head. She couldn’t speak, she couldn’t even think.  

“Mrs. Dragneel would also like to speak to you when you’re up to it.”  

More tears and sobs choke out. Oh god that was Natsu’s mom, how could she face Natsu’s mother!  

Seeing the woman’s distress, the man nods and squeezes her shoulder, “Again, I’m truly sorry Ms. Heartfilia.  We all miss him very much.  Please try to get some rest,” and leaves the woman to grieve in her own way.  

Her head was spinning.  It wasn’t supposed to happen like this!  Why was destiny such a malicious bastard to take away the one person she had and leave her in this world all alone?  Lucy clasps a hand over her chest, recalling the last conversation, that last night with Natsu.  She squeezes her eyes to the pain of the memories…  He’d made her so happy… so very happy, and yes, she remembered thinking for the first time since her diagnosis; she didn’t feel alone anymore.  Fuck if she didn’t want to just keel over again, but that would mar the beautiful gift that she’s received.  Natsu believed with every fiber of his being that she would walk out of here one day and she will live on for him, that’s a promise.  “Our heart,” Lucy breathes out…  But how ironic that he was right all along.  She really did steal his heart in the cruelest of ways… 

[nztsume]

I know this is going to sound whiny and privileged person problems and whatever but I really...

really have a hard time dealing with being attractive.

It’s not that I don’t enjoy the attention (well, I don’t) it’s just that I’m always extremely too aware that this is temporary and it gives me SO much anxiety. I wasn’t pretty, I grew up being ugly (even called the ugliest girl in class one time- by classmates that I’d had for 5+ years lmfao so that’s saying something) but it never bothered me because I WASNT the pretty girl. I wasn’t the cute little kid. Never once a grown up person called me cute out of, um, looks? Because it just wasn’t my shtick l wasn’t the cute girl, I was the smart little girl, the one who could keep up with grown ups conversations, the teen who had a lot of friends because they all thought I was funny or idk interesting or something. I wasn’t pretty and I didn’t want to be. I distinctly remember reading invisible monsters and thinking “I’m glad I’m not her” because I wouldn’t know how to cope with that.

And then I grew up and I lost fat and I did my hair different and suddenly I was pretty. And it’s like an addiction, like now I’m hyperaware of my looks and I can’t I CANT let people see anything not pretty of me. I’ve been losing my mind the last month starving myself half of my waking hours because I gained weight and that makes me have a bit of a chin. I found out the start of a wrinkle in my face and I’ve been panicking for days over it. I put on outfits and regret them half an hour out of home because they show too much and I look fat or they show too little and people will think I’m fatter than I really am and I KNOW THIS IS NORMAL A LOT OF PEOPLE FEEL THIS BUT I JUST... never HAD and I now I don’t know how to deal with them!!!!

Not only that but it took such a huge impact on my relationships. I can’t have over two dates with someone because I feel like they don’t care about what I’m talking about and they just like how I look. I feel like work offers I get, compliments on my work that I get, attention that I get over stuff I do it’s just because of how I look not how I perform. And when it comes to people that aren’t supposed to be atteacted to me (aka friends and classmates) it’s WORSE. I just think I’m boring and annoying and over talkative and I just can’t stop myself and I feel like they’re still around me out of politeness. I literally feel like nobody can stand me, like I’m talentless and like all the success I have now is just going to fade away any second because I’m just not good at anything and I’m so fucking scared. I’m so scared of not being successful because growing up that’s what’s been drilled in my mind I have to be and I WANT to be successful. But I feel like I’m too lazy and talentless to be, and whatever progress I made so far I made it thanks to the wrong reasons.

I feel so stupid all the time. So annoying and talentless. Any comment at me I take it by heart and I twist it until it’s something negative and I just can’t unconvince myself that it’s the truth. And when I can’t twist it into something good I just feel and take it like a compliment out of politeness. It’s even more terribly annoying and frustrating because I CAN RECOGNIZE it’s my mind twisting it but at the same time... it’s like I just feel like it’s the truth!!!

It doesn’t even feel like it’s imposter syndrome because to have it you need to be someone successful or talented in the first place and I’m not Im simply not. Everyone tells me I have potential but I just don’t act upon it. I just can’t. I don’t know how to deal with this and I don’t want to go back to taking full doses of my anxiety oils because they made me gain weight and depression LMFAO I just wish I could make my brain just...... turn off and vibe. I hate this.

[miioouu]

Heya! I'd like a matchup please! My names Kanna, I'm a female and im bisexual. My star sign is virgo. My talents/hobbies are drawing, animating, watching anime and playing video games. I like to observe the world going on around me while listening to music a lot. I think i have a little add but its not confirmed. Im also short tempered but since i dont interact with people a lot its pretty hidden. Im pretty disorganized too. I dont like to study. I like baking a lot but i dont like cooking.(1/2)

As for my physical appearance im 165cm and i have medium length blonde hair. My eyes are brown and im pretty underweight. Forgot to add my favorite quote which is " Skedaddle skudoddle now your d*ck is a noodle" (please domt judge me) but idk where its from and i think this is it! Good luck and congratulations on 2k!! (2/2) (bnha matchup)

If you really thought I wasn't going to judge you based on that quote you're wrong. I love you. Thank you for requesting!! ❤️💜❤️

     You didn't like hanging out with people that much. But something about this particular group of friends has intrigued you. Though they're all so so loud, so bubbly and just the centre of attention all the time, it's hard to get to know them as more that the class's clowns. But someone has realized, payed attention to your lingering eyes, to you bright smile whenever you look at them. Your shy red cheeks whenever someone catches you staring, the wishful thinking. He knows you want to be a part of the team, but he also wants to be the only one hanging out with you. He wants to be the only one who experience your laughs, your smiles. The only one who knows what you're like deep down. He wants you to be his friend, actually much more than that. But Bakugo Katsuki knows, you need to be part of the group to finally be his.

Compatible:

- You're so sweet compared to him.

-So reserved and always away from attention, people wonder how you got together.

-The thing is, you have a lot in common. He enjoys your calmer company compared to the rest of his friends. He likes that you can also have fun and be loud.

-He knows you hate studying, you have a difficult time focusing but he's always trying his best to help you. He just has that thing that always makes him so interesting, so captivating, you can't help but pay attention to whatever he's talking about.

-He loves to bake with you. It's a way for the both of you to get closer and have some fun and stay away from the rest of the group.

Difficulties:

-You're both short tempered and it gets difficult sometimes.

-He's quick to lose control over his emotions, thus making you feel more enraged, especially when he's putting the blame on you.

-He's a very organized person and can't deal with chaos.

-He's always nagging you to get yourself together, to grow up. He doesn't know how much it actually hurts.

-He's also the jealous type and like to have control over every little detail. He knows he doesn't have the right to do so, but he's not gonna stop.

Others:

-Uraraka

-Todoroki

-Kaminari

-Hagukare

-Toga