#i wish i could tell middle school me that my mom is so very wrong about our weight. girl don't worry about it

[crimalwx]

life is rlly nice when you don't care about gaining weight over break

[starlightkyeom]

lost in the west | kmg

(where your best friend pretends to be your boyfriend for the holidays so you can avoid more nagging from your mother. except your whole family thought you were already dating)

pairing: mingyu x f!reader genre: fake dating (kind of), friends to lovers, holiday!au | fluff, smut, romance rating: explicit, minors do not interact word count: 18.1k warnings: eating, drinking, mentions of christmas and holiday celebrations, reference to mingyu being afraid of heights, some minor family dynamic issues, so much kissing, fingering, big dick!mingyu, sex (just plain old missionary), i think that's it

author's note: thank you to the amazing @camandemstudios studios for hosting the winter with you collab! it's been so fun to be part of (even if i forgot for a second that i had to include sunrise sledding, but we're ignoring that). i'm sorry this is a little late as a holiday fic but sometimes life happens and inspiration just doesn't want to strike. i'm not even going to say it's longer than i intended because that's just my brand atp. this is largely unedited.

author's note 2: i think there's going to be an epilogue but idk when that will be possible

tag list: @vitaminkyeom, @tinyelfperson, @dokyeomkyeom, @miriamxsworld, @hongrizon, @klecksstorys, @gyuminusone, @aaniag, @straykidswhoo789, @kimseokgen, @haolistic, @vanishingboots, @babybae-shisui, @harry-the-pottypus, @pyeonghongrie, @nuttywastelandmentality, @writingbarnes, @tomodachiii, @gyuhao365, @jjin-kun, @divinityyy, @dibidibidismynameisleeknow, @tinkerbell460, @aidanjoon, @cookiearmy, @kaepjjangiya (join my taglist here)

“You’re bringing your boyfriend back with you, aren’t you?” your mom asks, which makes you look sharply toward the phone. It’s on speaker because you’re in the middle of folding laundry. Your best friend also looks over towards your phone with a grimace, which makes you wish it wasn’t on speaker.

The thing is…you haven’t told your mom that your ex and you broke up about two months ago. Didn’t want to deal with all the sighing and interrogation while you’re rushing to finish end of the year deadlines at work. Somehow, you know it’ll be your fault. Never mind the fact that he cheated on you in your own apartment. But, that’s another story. Your mother will say something about how you shouldn’t be so picky and everyone makes mistakes. Say that sometimes it’s not your most attractive trait that you’re dedicated to your job. Say that you’re not getting any younger and remind you how many of your friends from school are already married or even having kids of their own. That’s one reminder you don’t really need. You see it every time you aimlessly scroll through your feed. Or when you open the mail and see another wedding invitation. 

You sigh. “Well, actually…” 

“Oh, don’t tell me,” your mother says with her own sigh. “You broke it off with this one, too?” 

“I’m not going to get into it with you,” you say, gentle but firm. 

“I don’t understand what could have made you break it off. You said he was like your best friend,” she reminds you. 

This earns an eye roll from one of your actual best friends, Mingyu. He takes over folding your clothes for you as something to do and as a way to speed up the whole process. 

“Well, he’s not and I don’t see any reality where I will forgive him for what he did to me. So, let’s move on,” you say. 

“Maybe that’s okay. You know, one of my friends has a son who’s single and I could just…” she starts.

“No, absolutely not,” you say. This causes Mingyu to stifle his laughter with a hand.

“I don’t understand what the harm in meeting him is. He seems very nice and you’re not exactly getting any younger,” she says. 

There it is. The conversation always somehow ends up at the same point. You’re not getting any younger. All your parents’ friends have been planning weddings and getting grandchildren. They all seem to understand the importance of building a family. Why do you have to be so focused on what’s wrong with every person you date? Why are you too wrapped up in work? Your parents constantly remind you how you seem too wrapped up in the city life to realize what you’re missing.

“I just don’t think…” you start but then trail off when Mingyu starts waving at you to get your attention. He’s pointing at himself and mouthing something you can’t understand.

“I know you don’t think, but just…” your mom starts and you mute yourself so you can figure out what your best friend wants.

“What, Mingyu?” you ask, sharper than you intend.

“Take me back with you for the holidays,” he says. 

“What?” you ask.

“Take me…” he starts.

“No, I heard you. What are you on about?” you ask. 

“You can just feed your mom some line. Tell her you and I just started dating. It doesn’t matter. Anything to just get her off your case,” he says.

“I’m not…what is wrong with you? I’m not going to just fake date you like some weird holiday movie,” you argue.

“Okay, first of all, rude. Those movies aren’t weird, they’re great. And second of all, what do you have to lose?  Your mom loves me and she’ll be thrilled to see me. I already know everyone that’ll be at the parties and dinners. My parents are out of the country visiting my sister and her new boyfriend for the holidays, so I was only going to my cousin’s as kind of a pity invite. It can’t possibly fail,” he says.

“There are a lot of ways it could fail, actually,” you point out.

“Wow, are you going to leave me stranded for the holidays? I’m already rethinking this relationship,” Mingyu says through a pout. “My own partner doesn’t even want to spend the holidays with me. Are you embarrassed to bring me around your family?”

“So what do you say?” comes your mom’s voice. You had been blocking it out while talking to Mingyu, yet it still catches your attention.

You quickly unmute yourself and look away from Mingyu. “I…actually can’t, Mom. I’m sort of seeing someone different, but it’s new so I wasn’t going to mention…” 

“Oh, you already found someone new, that’s wonderful!” she exclaims. 

You don’t have to look at Mingyu to know that he’s wearing a grin that’s entirely too satisfied. Even if he’s mostly kidding about being abandoned for Christmas, you know that it’s been bugging him that his parents decided to go abroad. You also know that he wouldn’t ever dream of inviting himself to tag long even if that’s what he wanted to do. He actually likes your family, sometimes more than you do. 

“I’ll have to ask him if he’s willing to come with me, but…” you try to say before your mother cuts you off again.

“Tell him it simply wouldn’t be the holidays without him. I can’t wait to meet him. Oh, I’m going to tell your father. We may manage to get you married after all,” she says in seemingly one breath.

“I still haven’t…” you try again without any luck.

“I can’t wait to see you both! Love you!” she says. 

“Love y-...” you say, but she’s already ended the call. 

“I guess I have holiday plans after all,” Mingyu says and you fight the urge to throw a pillow at him.

“This is a terrible idea. I can’t pretend we’re dating,” you say and crinkle your nose.

“Oh, wow, have I offended your high standards?” he asks. “Should I remind you of your last two relationships?”

You do throw the pillow at him this time. 

Despite all the questions from your parents about just who is coming home with you for the holidays, you insist that it needs to be a surprise. You definitely think that your parents will be surprised when they see Mingyu on their doorstep. Even though you only met Mingyu in college, the two of you have been nearly inseparable since then. He’s come with you to countless family events to keep you company, especially between other relationships. Your parents buy him Christmas presents every year and insist on video chatting with both of you on his birthdays. Your younger cousins ask when he’s going to be coming around again because they look up to him, both literally and figuratively. It’s kind of annoying sometimes because you wonder if they like him more than their own family member. But, you reason it away with them liking him for the same reasons that you do. He’s just so easy to be around, though they get more of his polite company attitude than you do. Around you, he’s much more relaxed and somehow more prone to pouting to get his way. 

More unfortunately, the pout always seems to work on you. You pretend to be annoyed with it (well, it’s not always pretending, actually), but you give in every time. Which is fine when it’s just the two of you. It’s less fine when other friends are around because they all have smug looks. Convinced that you and him are end game and neither of you realizes yet. The worst, though, is when he slips into the pout mode around your family and you have to deal with the looks from your family members. It’s all worth it to have someone to act as a buffer, even if you’ll never tell him as much. 

Before you get to that point of seeing your parents, you figure that you should stop by to see your childhood best friend first. Of course, he already knows the whole story with Mingyu and doesn’t seem entirely surprised. After all, he’s also known your mom nearly his whole life. Somehow you went from kids forced together when the parents hung out to adults that actually still genuinely love each other, which means he knows Mingyu well too. In his role as best friend, your current situation will not spare you from his teasing. That’s a role he’s happily embraced all your lives. 

The smirk on his face is present as soon as he sees you and Mingyu walk into the coffee shop. Mingyu hasn’t even spotted him while he unwinds his scarf and heads to the counter to order drinks. You say you’re going over to sit with your friend and only then does Mingyu notice you’re not the first ones here. 

“Hey Kwan, you good on your drink?” he calls.

“Yeah, thanks,” he calls back before his eyes turn on you like he’s got a secret. 

You make your way over to his table and try not to react to the look he’s giving you. Typical Seungkwan looking like he’s about to burst with the latest gossip. Even when he knows exactly why you have Mingyu with you and even said, over text, he gets why you agreed. Ugh. You know better than to think he’ll let you live for even a second. Sometimes you think you need better friends.

“Has he gotten taller?” Seungkwan asks, casting his eyes over at your other friend. 

“No, but for real,” you say with a laugh. “I swear, I see him constantly and I still feel like he’s getting taller.”

“Constantly, huh?” Seungkwan asks, raising an eyebrow.

“We’re best friends,” you say with a sigh.

“And what am I?” he asks. 

“Also my best friend. There’s no rule on having only one,” you repeat for what feels like the hundredth time. 

“Are you nervous to head back to your parents’ house?” he asks, entirely switching approaches. 

It’s not your first rodeo, though. “Why should I be? They like Mingyu, at least, so there won’t be any of the awkwardness beyond explaining that we’re dating now.” 

“Which probably isn’t going to come as a surprise to them,” Seungkwan says. 

“I mean, why wouldn’t it be a surprise?” you ask before you clock the look on his face. “Oh, don’t tell me this is more of that bullshit about how often I bring him around. You know my family is insufferable if I have to deal with them alone.” 

“No, I just know for a fact that they’ve wondered if you were dating him before,” Seungkwan says as Mingyu finally joins you with two coffees in hand.

“That would mean she would need to have good enough taste to date someone as great as me,” he says when he sets your coffee in front of you.

“I’m so torn,” Seungkwan admits. “I could insult her taste in relationships, which, love you babe, but really? Or I could insult you as not really being any better than anyone she’s dated.”

“That one gets us both, though?” you point out, only a little offended.

“Option two it is,” Seungkwan agrees. 

“Okay, enough of that. Fill me in on everything before I have to walk into the lion’s den,” you say. 

It’s always the same when you catch up with Seungkwan. He’s thriving even though he chose not to leave the area where you grew up. It’s not that big of an area, but he’s found opportunities. You just found those opportunities a little further away. Just far enough away that your mother can’t easily pop by unannounced. That lead time before she shows up is usually enough that you can mentally prepare. 

Seungkwan, for his part, really does brighten up the entire space, when he’s not being a demon. He’s got that kind of shine that can’t even be dulled by staying in the same general area as his family. He’s also better at setting boundaries, which he gently reminds you again. He doesn’t need the space and preparation time of his family showing up at his place unannounced because they all know that’s not allowed. It’s not that you’re a pushover, it’s just that it feels different. Even your parents seem to respect Seungkwan more than you at times. You try not to let the cynicism of being a woman seep into those feelings. But, it’s hard. Harder still when Seungkwan gives you the sympathetic look like he wants to agree and knows it won’t really help anything. He’s always been that special brand of ally. The one that actually does want to help and understands the inherent privilege.

Unfortunately, Seungkwan and his family won’t be coming to the events that your parents have planned for the next week, though they’re always invited. They wanted to do something more focused on their family instead. It probably seems like something over the top to anyone on the outside. To you, it just seems normal. This is how your parents always handle the holidays and most events seem to take place at their house. 

All too soon, Seungkwan says that he needs to get back to something and reminds you that you can’t put off going home any longer. You’re already getting dangerously close to what your mother considers late. It’s probably not the best idea to test her patience before the week even starts. 

Mingyu takes care of getting you over to your parents house. Maybe fake dating him for a week won’t be so bad when he takes care of driving without asking and doesn’t even need an address. Since he also already knows your entire family, he doesn’t need help with getting gifts to bring with him. That includes both something to give them when you get there as well as actual Christmas gifts. You remember telling him that wasn’t necessary and remember the look of horror on his face when he asked what kind of fake boyfriend he would be if he forgot. Despite the weirdness of the situation, you also find yourself far more at peace than the last time you brought an actual partner home like this. Mingyu has seen you through a lot of ups and downs. Knows when to be serious and when to crack a little joke to break the tension, even if it’s something only for your ears. 

That all disappears as soon as your mother greets you at the door with a look of genuine surprise on her face. 

“Surprise,” you say. It seems a little redundant because she seems shocked. “You, uh, you remember Mingyu, right?” 

“Of course, of course, come in out of the cold,” she says, recovering quickly as she steps out of the way. “Let me get your coats.”

“I know this is probably a bit of a surprise,” you start.

“It definitely is,” she agrees as she takes Mingyu’s and your coats. “Your father is just in the family room.”

“I figured it would be a good surprise,” you offer as you start to follow her into the house. 

“No, of course it is. We adore Mingyu, you know that,” she says with a soft smile for Mingyu. She’s always loved him. “We just, well, we thought you and him had broken up…”

“Broken…what?” you ask, your own shock now matching your mother’s as you come to a complete halt. 

Mingyu seems to just stay quiet through this entire exchange. You’re wondering why until you look over at him to see that he’s barely containing his laughter. Of course he would find this whole thing funny. Maybe he believes Seungkwan that your parents have wondered if you were dating him. Or maybe he’s just quicker on the uptake. Whatever it, it would be annoying if your brain wasn’t working overtime to try and catch up.

“Yes, you said you’d broken up with a boyfriend. Your father and I realized we hadn’t actually met the last person you dated and we just assumed, since you only mention Mingyu. Well, you said he was like your best friend and we knew it wasn’t Seungkwan. Mingyu only made sense,,” your mother says with a shrug. 

“Mingyu! What are you doing here?” your father asks, rising from his seat to shake your best friend’s hand. 

“Dating our daughter, apparently,” your mother says with a skeptical look. 

“Oh, good! I’m glad you kids worked it out,” he says. 

“Did…everyone just think I was dating…?” you start to ask, looking confusedly between your parents. “Mom, Dad, I was not dating Mingyu. We were only…”

“Friends?” your mother supplies through her heavy tone of disbelief. 

“Yes,” you say, eyes wide and desperate looking to Mingyu for support.

“We really were just friends,” Mingyu says. “I mean, I guess not just friends. But, seeing her go through another heartbreak just made me realize that I didn’t want to see her go through something like that again. I guess it just made me realize how much I do care about her. So, I finally said something.” 

There’s a lot that you can count on Mingyu for. Driving, having an endless supply of oversized hoodies to steal, a stocked kitchen, the best meals of your life, 2 am chats, support through break ups, hating the same people, being scared of his own shadow, a perpetual golden retriever energy, endless loyalty, and the list goes on. Something you never expect to count on Mingyu for, though? The lie that spills so easily from his lips to try and get your parents off your case. Sure, he knows just how much you struggle with your relationship with them. This is different, though. The lie sounds so sincere and his face looks so soft when he glances over at you. 

“You know, it’s okay if you just got back together,” your mother says, looking between the two of you. 

“Oh my god, that’s not what happened!” you say, throwing your hands up. 

“Of course, dear, of course,” your father says. 

“I should go take our suitcases upstairs. Am I just in the normal guest room?” he asks. 

It’s both a deflection from the conversation and a valid question all rolled into one. Whatever the case, it does work for long enough to have your mother refocus her attention on Mingyu to answer. That gives you at least a second to catch your breath. Bringing Mingyu was supposed to give you a break from your parents. And it will, you think, but it’s also bringing up a lot that you hadn’t planned on. You wonder what Seungkwan will say when you tell him about the reception. Probably that he told you so.

“Oh, no dear. We planned to have you stay in our daughter’s old room with her,” your mother says.

Great. Now you’re in an entirely new spiral because, what? She has you and Mingyu staying in the same room where there is only one bed? You can’t remember the last time she was this relaxed with a partner you brought home, which brings up even more questions. Has this really been the plan? Or is only the plan now because of how much they like him? Is this just another way for them to try and nudge you into marriage?

“But, mom…” you start to protest.

“We’ve got a full house with family, dear,” she says as an explanation. 

“I know where it is, I’ll just take the stuff up,” Mingyu offers.

“I can help,” you say as a way to get out of this whole thing and to talk to your friend.

“Pretty sure I’m strong enough to get some luggage upstairs,” he jokes and you roll your eyes.

“Why don’t you go up with him anyway? Then you can freshen up before dinner,” your mother says with a poorly disguised look at your slightly wrinkled clothing. 

Mingyu insists on carrying the bigger suitcases upstairs on his own, but you grab the smaller bags you had in the car with you. Well, except for his backpack that he also stubbornly carries. You don’t need a personal demonstration, you already know that he’s strong. You also don’t need to hear your mother talking about how nice it is to have such a polite young man around like he hasn’t been around a million times before. Once you’re inside the room and behind a closed door, you round on your friend.

“What the hell was that?” you ask.

“Your mom actually letting you and a boyfriend stay in the same room? I don’t know. It’s crazy, right?” he asks.

“Not that, what was with you?” you ask. 

“What do you mean?” he returns, looking up from his suitcase where he had been getting ready to unpack. 

“That whole answer you gave my mom,” you say and he looks almost pitying.

“I have to make it believable, don’t I?” he asks like it’s the simplest thing in the world. “Otherwise, she won’t buy it and she’s going to try to set you up.”

“I guess that makes sense,” you concede. 

“Kind of wild that they thought we’d been dating, though,” he adds on.

“Yeah, what was that?” you ask with more force than you mean. 

He only shrugs. “I don’t know, they’re your parents.” 

“Seungkwan said the same thing,” you remind him. 

“About people thinking we’re dating?” he asks, eyes back on his suitcase.

“Yeah,” you say.

He only chuckles before he looks up. “Come on, that’s not the first time either. How many of our friends have thought the same thing?”

“They’re just fucking with us,” you disagree.

“And my ex?” he asks with a raised eyebrow. 

“Okay, well in my defense, she was insane. The whole idea that people of the opposite sex can’t be friends is an insane take,” you say.

“Yeah, I’m not exactly upset to be rid of her,” he agrees.

“Come on. We better hurry up and get back downstairs,” you say.

The rest of the day is somehow just as weird, but also comforting. As the rest of the family starts arriving, either to stay or just for dinner, you find out that most of your family thinks you’ve been dating Mingyu. Or that it was him that you broke up with and are now back together with. It’s hard to tell if it’s something coming from your parents or just a general vibe that the two of you give off. You can at least acknowledge that you didn’t talk about your last relationship much with your family. Hindsight is always clearer, but you still think you knew something was off in that relationship the whole time. Knew that he wasn’t destined to go the distance. Maybe that’s why the break up didn’t hurt that bad. Honestly, the worst part was thinking of facing your family alone for Christmas.

Mingyu saves you from that as he’s saved you countless times before. 

That brings you to the more comforting part of the evening. You can’t tell if any of your family members actually buy that this is a new relationship. At least, none of them seem to think it’s fake. You can probably put up with it if they just think you’re lying about when you actually got together. That makes it all feel much easier. Then, there’s the fact that your entire family loves Mingyu. It’s the first time you can remember joining the dinner to kick off the family Christmas festivities in years. Your family takes the holidays very seriously and it’s Mingyu’s first time experiencing it like this. Yet, he slots right in with everything. 

It also feels like he’s thought through this whole fake relationship in ways you didn’t. Sure, you talked about some of the ins and outs since this isn’t just a quick overnight trip. But, mostly, you just decide it’s easiest to keep it as close to the truth as possible. The friendship is so deep that there’s genuine love there. You don’t have to fake that. What you did not consider is physical affection. You’re not the kind of person that drapes yourself all over a partner, never have been. There’s a moment where you worry, as you watch your cousin and her fiancé, that you and Mingyu could be found out for not showing enough affection. 

A few minutes later, you’re wishing he would be less affectionate. And you’re not even sure why you worried. The first thing you really learned about Mingyu was that he was incredibly physically affectionate. Tight hugs, random hand holding, an arm around your shoulder, a hand on your arm or leg. It’s all just par for the course with him. It’s gotten even more obvious now that he’s pretending to date you. It seems so innocuous, too. He’s got his hand on your thigh, giving the occasional squeeze, while he’s talking to someone else. He randomly plants a kiss on your temple. He leans over to whisper something to you on the pretense of being close and usually it’s nothing. You don’t even realize that it has most of your family giving each other knowing looks. Like they’re still not convinced you hadn’t been dating before. 

By the time it’s late enough to go upstairs, you’re more than ready to have time away from your family. Every time you think that you’re social, your family is there to humble you. Or maybe it’s just that being around them is too draining. In any case, you and Mingyu head upstairs together. Thankfully, your parents house is big enough that it feels like there’s a little bit of privacy in your old bedroom. 

“So, how’s this going to work?” Mingyu asks, glancing at the bed and then into the attached bathroom. 

Okay, so maybe, even with how big the house is, you haven’t fully considered everything. You’re not really sure what to do. It shouldn’t be weird. You and Mingyu have shared a bed before. This just somehow feels intimate when your entire family thinks you’re sharing because you’re in a relationship and don’t know this is all pretend so you can have a little bit of peace for the holidays. Your gift to yourself. Shaking it all off, you turn to Mingyu.

“I mean, we’ve shared before. It’ll be fine,” you say. 

“So are we not gonna talk about the last time we shared?” he asks with an eyebrow raised.

Racking your brain, you can’t really think of anything that would make him say that. Had something awkward happened? Did one of you do something that you should really remember? Just as you’re about to go into a full blown spiral, you feel Mingyu appear before you. He reaches out to smooth out the line between your eyebrows.

“Don’t hurt yourself there,” he says with a laugh. “You whined about me taking up too much space.” 

“Oh my god,” you say and swat at him. “It was a tiny bed and you took up the entire thing! You can’t do this to me when I’m already wound tight over my family.” 

“Sorry,” he says and throws up his hands. The sparkle in his eyes says that he’s anything but. 

“I’m going to change and then start my skincare routine,” you say as you move to grab something to wear to bed. 

Without even asking if you’re dressed, Mingyu comes into the bathroom to start doing his own skincare routine while you’re in there. He’s already changed into a t-shirt and shorts, which you know is more than he normally wears to bed. It’s somehow peaceful to go through your routines in silence like this. You consider that it might be in part because it forces him to be quiet. Not that you usually mind his chatter, it’s just that your brain is already tired from one night dealing with your family. You can’t imagine how the rest of the days are going to go and are thankful for the downtime when you’ll be able to get out of the house to do things. 

Once you’re back in the bedroom, you both finish off all the little things you need to do. You plug in your phone after checking for any important notifications, grab the TV remote to fling it over to Mingyu, and slide under the covers. Usually you just kind of scroll before going to sleep or sometimes you’ll read. But, you think it might be weird to do those things when you’re sharing a bed with someone else.

“Do I need to make a pillow wall or something?” he asks as he’s flipping through to find something to watch.

Your head whips to the side to look at him. Even though it’s only his profile, you can see that he’s smirking. Purposefully not looking at you because he knows it’ll break the little composure he has. To deal with that, you whack him with a pillow. 

“Just don’t drape your entire body over me,” you say.

“Why?” he asks and does turn to look at you now, wiggling his eyebrows. “Afraid it’ll be too close?”

“No, you fucking goober, you’re just heavy,” you say through a genuine laugh.

“How is this relationship ever going to work if we’re calling each other names?” he says, pretending to be heartbroken. 

“Same way it has for like 8 years,” you joke back with a soft smile. 

“Are you saying you love me?” he asks, hand on his heart. This is one of your favorite things about your friendship with Mingyu because he’s so dramatic that it takes your mind off everything else.

“I don’t know, I’m rethinking it,” you say and turn back to the TV. 

“I love you too, you know,” he says, voice soft enough to make you turn back to him.

“I know, Gyu. I don’t think anyone else would put themselves through this for me, so thank you,” you say honestly. 

He just shrugs and goes back to a lighter place. “Well, I didn’t have good holiday plans and who can say no to this level of entertainment?” 

The next day actually gives you time to catch up with some of your family members more personally instead of everything being such big conversations. That’s especially true for your cousin, Mimi, who’s only two years younger than you and has always been your favorite of your cousins. Even if you go months without seeing each other, it always feels like no time passes. There’s just a level of closeness and understanding between the two of you. You can complain about your mothers since they’re sisters and honestly the same person, just in a different font. It’s easy to be on the same page about things as well. 

You’re actually a little surprised to see that she’s here alone, even though you know she recently got out of a bad relationship. Somehow, it seems her mom is more understanding than your own. She was also much more honest about how the relationship fell apart after 3 years and her mom is sympathetic about it. When she says it like that, you understand. Your last few relationships have all been measured in months rather than years. 

“You’re not, like, actually dating Mingyu though, are you?” she asks quietly when it’s just the two of you.

“Mimi,” you hiss and look around.

“We’re alone,” she assures you with a wave of her hand. “So, spill.”

“No,” you say hesitantly. “Why?”

“I’m just curious,” she says unconvincingly. 

“He was with me when my mom was bugging me about the holidays and bringing someone with me. Then she was going to set me up, so he just offered…” you start.

“He was the one who suggested it?” she asks, far more curious than she should be. 

“Yeah,” you say simply. “Again, why?”

She shrugs. “I don’t know. I’ve just always thought he was cute and I was wondering if he’s actually single.” 

“You cannot hit on Mingyu,” you whisper through gritted teeth. She gives you a look you can’t place before brushing it off.

“Oh, I’m not saying I would. It’s just good to know I could,” she says.

“You can’t,” you remind her. “Everyone thinks we’re dating.” 

“Don’t worry, I wouldn’t do it anywhere anyone else could see,” she teases. 

Of course, another of our cousins picks that moment to join you, so you can’t further chastise Mimi. It irritates you all the same though. How does she think it’s just fine to do something like that when you’re supposed to be in a fake relationship? Could she not just wait to hit on him until the rest of your family wasn’t watching with too much attention? 

Normally, Mimi is a respite from the rest of your family. She’s one of the few people that you’re always completely honest with. Now, she’s taken that away. You try to go about the rest of the day with her knowing that the relationship is fake and she seems like she’s trying her best to get under your skin. Every part of you wants to stop her from chatting so much to Mingyu and you can’t. It would seem weird when everyone knows that you and your cousin are close. Weirder still when she always knows Mingyu relatively well from every other time he’s been to some family event. 

When you excuse yourself up to your bedroom for a second away from your parents and their incessant hint dropping, Mingyu slips into the room just after you. Which is odd, considering you had not even seen him also slip away. The second odd thing comes when you look at his face. He looks more serious than usual, more tired. It doesn’t fully make sense because he’s incredibly social. Loves to be around people in the way all true extroverts do. Something must be wrong.

“Can I talk to you?” he asks after closing the door.

“You don’t ever have to ask,” you say with clear apprehension. 

“Did you tell Mimi we weren’t actually dating?” he asks, still looking at you in a way you can’t place.

You exhale, thinking it’ll be nothing. “Oh, that, yeah. I’m sorry I didn’t mention it to you, I just…”

“Did you also tell her that I’m very single and she should go ahead and shoot her shot?” he asks and you stop short hearing that.

“I - what?” you ask.

“She just kind of cornered me and was laying it on super thick, but she said it was fine because she knows we’re not really dating and that you’d encouraged her to…” he starts and you immediately cut him off.

“What the actual fuck, Mimi?” you say in frustration. 

“I mean, if you want me to…” he tries to start again, looking a little like a lost or kicked puppy. It makes you immediately close the space between you and him. 

“Gyu, no. I did tell her that we weren’t actually dating, but I absolutely did not tell her it was okay to do any of that, let alone encourage it,” you say. 

“So you don’t want me to flirt back?” he asks. He’s still looking Too Serious when he says it and you’re not really sure how to feel.

“Since we’re supposed to be dating, I’d prefer you didn’t. But, if you think she’s pretty it’s not like I can stop you,” you say noncommittally. 

“Of course I think she’s pretty. You and your whole family are pretty. It’s like something in a TV show or some shit,” he says and this is a Mingyu you recognize because he’s rolling his eyes. 

“Oh yeah, says the guy who looks like that,” you say and vaguely gesture at him.

“I…did you just compliment me?” he asks, totally off track from wherever he was going.

“That depends, did you compliment me first?” you deflect. 

“You’re such a shithead,” he grumbles and you tsk at him.

“Now, now sweetheart, should we really be name calling?” you tease.

He fixes you with his attempt at an unimpressed stare, but he’s nowhere near as good at it as you are. Like every other time, he relents first. “I’ve probably told you how beautiful you are hundreds of times in our friendship.” 

“Which I’ve always returned,” you lie.

“Be so for real. I have to pull most compliments out of you,” he says through a snort. When you open your mouth to protest, he cuts you off. “Most compliments that are not about my cooking, I should say.”

“People fall all over you,” you say with a good natured eye roll of your own. “Do you really need to hear me also say you could easily be a model?”

“Doesn’t hurt,” he mumbles through a pout.

“Oh, beautiful Mingyu,” you start, taking on the silliest voice you can muster. “You’re so pretty that I could cry. Your face breaks hearts every day, your smile lights up the room, your hair…”

“Okay, okay, enough,” he says even though he looks pleased.

“I cannot believe Mimi, though,” you say.

“I’m glad you’re not trying to push us together,” he admits.

“Why? Not interested?” you tease.

He answers seriously, though. “No. She’s pretty, sure, but no, I’m definitely not interested, even if I wasn’t pretending to date you.” 

That honest answer strikes something in you. Not that honesty is unusual between the two of you. It just feels like there’s also an element of vulnerability in the response as well. Like he’s saying something that you just can’t quite decipher. You just brush aside for now, though, since there’s nothing else you really can do. 

Mingyu, as it turns out, has one winter time tradition that he’s always wanted to try and never had the chance to do: sledding. He’s never lived in any place where it’s snowy enough or there’s enough free space. But, up here in the relative mountains where your parents live, sledding is a way of life. It’s something you’ve done countless times growing up with friends or family. Part of you is even a little thankful that he wants to do it, too. It’s been years since you’ve gone sledding and getting to see his face when you go for the first time feels special. Feels like something that’s just for you. 

Which is why you’re up before the sun. 

Last night, when you talked about sledding and getting an early start, Mingyu was on board. Now that it’s time to actually get up, you can see it written all over his face that he’s regretting every decision that’s ever led him to this moment. Like the true best friend that he is, though, he’s keeping the actual grumbling to a minimum. You’re not sure why you’re not also grumbling. You’re not a morning person. But, you’ve never gone sledding at sunrise either and something about it just seems like it’ll be magical. Like it really will make it an entirely new experience for you and him to share. 

The house is quiet as you grab the bag of snow pants and winter jackets that you packed the night before from the closet in the entryway. Everything feels so peaceful in the house and just as still when you leave. Like even the soft sound of the door is too much while the whole world sleeps. You can hear the slight crunch under your feet as you trudge over to Mingyu’s car and take care not to be too loud getting in. Thank him again for driving when you know it’s way earlier than he wants to be awake. All he does is smile like there’s nowhere else in the world he would rather be. 

The drive to the hill where you’re going to sled is quick and also tranquil. Even the music is soft like Mingyu is afraid of disrupting the peace. Or maybe you’re both just appreciating something different than the normal bustle of life in a city. It’s never this kind of quiet there and there’s something kind of beautiful about it. Even the parking lot is empty when you get to the small hill that you used to sled down as a kid. You’ve never seen it empty before. Then again, you’ve never been before the sun rose, either. Mingyu takes care to unload the sleds before you both bundle up. It’s not terribly cold, but you make him put on the waterproof gear anyway. 

He stops at the bottom of the hill and looks towards the top. “We’re going all the way up there?” 

You can hear a little bit of nerves in his voice. Mingyu has never been a fan of heights. This isn’t that high, though, and you nudge him playfully. Well, it doesn’t seem high to you. “I think you can manage. Come on.” 

Climbing up to the top is always your least favorite part because it uses the most energy. Not that you mind the activity, it’s just a lot of work for a relatively short ride back down the hill on the sled. At least this hill has stairs built into the slope off to the side to help you. Once you’re at the top, you plop down with Mingyu right beside you. It’s less about catching your breath and more about appreciating the view. It seems like you can see for miles even though you’re not that high up. The sun starts to rise and you know it’s all worth it. All the shades of orange and pink stretch across the horizon as the sun makes its way over the distant mountains. There aren’t any words that come to mind to really capture how beautiful it is. The colors are more vibrant against the white of the snow all around you. Everything feels magnified in the quiet space. All either of you can do is utter out a soft wow to express your awe. 

And then the quiet really is broken.

“Okay you expect me to slide down that on a piece of plastic?” he asks with a hint of panic in his voice. 

You follow his gaze and look down the hill, because it really is only a hill. Not anything crazy. It always looks a little more intimidating from the top, but it isn’t anything all that high. 

“Oh come on you giant baby,” you tease and nudge him. “We got all the way up here, how else are you going to get down?” 

“Walk back down the stairs they so nicely provided?” he offers. 

“That’s crazy,” you say.

“I’m afraid of heights!” he shouts, more panic in his voice. 

“I know, Gyu,” you say, instantly softening as you approach him to put your hand on his arm. 

“I didn’t really think this through,” he admits.

“Why did you agree to sledding down a hill?” you ask, genuinely curious. 

He’s quiet for a moment as he looks out over vista before him. You watch as a calm comes back over him. The kind of calm that can only come from a setting as pretty as this one. Watch him take a couple steadying breaths. Even though you’ve been friends with Mingyu for years, you’ve never really seen his fear of heights firsthand. Couldn’t have imagined it would kick in for something as seemingly innocuous as a small sledding hill. Though, admittedly, it is a pretty decent size. It’s definitely not just the kind of hill people sled down in their backyards or local parks. 

“Because I wanted to try sledding and do something new. And this hill seemed important to you,” he says like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “I’m not going to say no to something you ask me to do when you get that look in your eyes.”

“What look?” you ask to avoid considering a deeper meaning to his words.

“I don’t know. You get all starry eyed,” he says with a shrug. 

“How about this? We can go down together and check it off the list. You don’t have to sled again,” you offer. 

“We came all the way out here,” he says, unsure.

“And I got to see the prettiest sunrise of my life with my best friend beside me,” you say easily.

“Okay, okay. I can at least try,” he says.

You get up and send the smaller of the sleds down the hill without anyone on it in case you really only take the one ride. It would be a hassle to have to come back up and get it. Then, you position yourself on the bigger sled that’s meant for two people (or three kids sometimes when you were younger). Once you’re in place, you motion for Mingyu to settle in behind you. Point out where he can put his legs on either side of you, which already feels closer than normal even with how affectionate Mingyu can be. You adjust so that your back is pressed against his chest. It’s about the right balance to the sled so that you’re less likely to topple over on the way down. Mingyu has to crowd into your space to wrap his arms around your middle because he’s bigger than you are, something you hadn’t considered when suggesting this. You can almost tell that he’s considering burying his face in your hair, but stops short.

At least, until you push over the edge with a combination of wiggling and using your hands to push your forward. That’s when he buries his face. Then, you’re slowly picking up speed as you slide down the completely untouched snow. It’s always best like this, in your opinion. Before there are lanes carved into the snow. Yes, those lanes pack the snow down and can make you go faster, but you can also catch an edge and topple over more easily. 

None of that is really on your mind once you start descending though. All you can think of is the way Mingyu’s body feels pressed against yours. How it’s very foreign but also very comforting. How you can understand why your whole family so easily believes that you’re together. The comfort is effortless, something you don’t ever think about. It just exists. You focus on how funny it is to have this giant of a man wrapped around you like a koala with his head buried in your hair now because he’s nervous. You don’t even consider any other way that it might make you feel. When you let out a squeal of delight as the sled picks up more speed, you feel, rather than hear, him grumble by the tickle of his breath in your hair. It only makes him cling more tightly to you. 

It’s almost disappointing when you feel the sled level out at the bottom of the hill and slow down. It’s been the perfect way to relive one of the parts of your childhood that you loved the most. Getting to do silly little things like this really was one of the best parts of winter. You’re fully stopped before you realize that Mingyu is still clinging to you with everything he has. So, you carefully place a hand over his and feel him untense the tiniest bit.

“It’s okay, we made it to the bottom in one piece.” 

Slowly, he loosens his grip on you and actually looks up. Again, you feel this rather than seeing it. You feel the absence of his body heat and only then realize just how tightly he was clinging to you. Mingyu pulls his face out of your hair and seems to look around, as if testing that you’re really at the bottom of the hill. Like he’s not sure it’s over that quickly. 

“That wasn’t so bad.”

“No, it was a lot of fun.” 

“Do you think…could we maybe go again?” 

Both of you are standing up again now and it makes you whip your head around to look at him because you can’t believe this scaredy cat actually wants to go down again after how much it took to get him down the first time. His face is hopeful, though, and you’re not about to start saying no to that face now. Not when you never have before. So you match his smile. 

“On one condition,” you finally say. Mingyu only looks at you like he’s waiting for you to continue. “You have to actually keep your eyes open this time.” 

“You don’t know I had my eyes closed,” he insists with a pout.

“Gyu, your face was in my hair,” you say through a laugh.

“Okay, fine. Eyes open. But, I have my own condition, too,” he fires back, still kind of pouting. 

“Yes?”

“I want to ride together again.” 

It’s easy to agree to that. Even though you don’t say it out loud, it’s kind of fun riding with him, especially when the hill is so untouched. He’s tall and muscular, very helpful when it comes to carving a path and also picking up speed. He adds to the momentum and you like going faster. You don’t consider telling him that he wouldn’t go quite as fast without you because you would be losing on as well. It’s not a bad deal for either of you, really. Mingyu gets to work a little on a fear of heights on something much more manageable and you get to live out your best sled dreams. 

Each run gets a little bit easier. Mingyu holds up his end of the bargain and actually opens his eyes, which is more entertaining to you than it probably should be as he curses all the way down that first run. But, he keeps wanting to go and you’re not going to stop him. Don’t realize that maybe he also keeps going because he loves to see the way your face lights up each run. Neither of you makes an effort to get the other sled again either. 

By the time the sun is fully risen, yours and Mingyu’s cheeks are rosy from the cold. And also from the way you’ve taken to running back up the steps to the top like kids. You have to admit, even if it means he’ll get a big head, this is the most fun you’ve had in your hometown during the holidays in a long time. Honestly, it might actually be the most fun you’ve had anywhere in a while. It’s nice to get back to something simpler without worrying about anything else. Life can get busy back in the city between work and chores and endless responsibility. Sometimes it’s nice to just take a break from it all. Remember that there are more important things than just working all the time or being stressed about things you can’t really control. Maybe there’s something to simplifying life a bit. 

Now that the sun is rising, it’s a more acceptable time for people to be out and about themselves. Kids can convince their parents to take them sledding as well. At the first sign of people approaching, you and Mingyu agree that it should be your last run. You’re starting to get a little tired and you know it’ll get loud. You don’t mind having the kids around, you just know it gets harder to avoid everyone and you have to wait longer between each run. Besides, you planned something post sledding as well. It catches you off guard that he actually seems a little sad to be leaving. 

That is, until you take him to this little hole in the wall of a breakfast place. It’s something new because you’re not usually in this area when he comes with you to family events. Not that it’s far, it’s just a few towns over and there are closer places. Until winter comes around again and the elderly couple that runs the place roll out their secret recipe for hot cocoa. Honestly, you could probably just drink that without even ordering anything to eat and be the happiest person in the world. The food is amazing too, though, and you didn’t eat before leaving to go sledding. You and Mingyu order a few things to share and laugh all the way through it, talking about sledding and the trip so far.

“Thanks for this,” he says as breakfast is winding up.

You’re a little surprised at both his words and the gentleness of his tone. “For what?”

“Taking me sledding like this. That sunrise was amazing and I, well, I guess I didn’t think I’d have as much fun as I did,” he admits, a little more shy than you’re used to.

“I’m glad you trusted me,” you say and can’t quite place the look he gives you.

“I think I’d trust you with just about anything.” 

The day before Christmas is always the same. By then, you’re in desperate need of a break from your family and you think they may be in need of a break from you as well. So, each year you get together with Seungkwan and some of your other friends that still live in the area. Anyone with a partner brings them along and you have a nice, boozy brunch. This year, Seungkwan is hosting because his place is spacious and the group seems a little bigger. It’s also nice to get to really spend some time at his place since he’s only been there a few months. 

Typically, a few people in the friend group will bring over some pre-made things to warm up the next day as well as everyone bringing whatever they want to drink and share. That’s the same for this year with a slight change. Mingyu, once he sees the kitchen, says that he just has to make some food as well. After taking an inventory, he heads back out to buy more things that he needs, ignoring any of your protests and only agreeing to take your card so you can sort out the cost with your friends. (You’re not going to do that because you don’t mind just covering it, but you don’t want him to cover it either.)

When he gets back, he immediately goes into the kitchen and your friend Vernon’s girlfriend offers to help. She drags Seungkwan’s sister, who doesn’t usually come around, with her as well. Mingyu only leaves the kitchen long enough to bring you one of the mimosas that he made, insisting there’s a special ingredient. Then, it’s back to fully focusing on the food. Not that you really mind. It’s nice to just be in a low stress environment with your friends to catch up, have some drinks, and laugh a lot. 

Vernon, after looking around to make sure nobody else is listening, shows you and Seungkwan the ring he’s been walking around with for the past few weeks. Apparently, he’s finally settled that he’s going to propose to his girlfriend tomorrow on Christmas Day. You’re thrilled because they’ve been together forever and she already feels like family. Seungkwan nearly bursts into tears, which you have to quickly cover so nobody realizes what’s happening. You love that your best friend is like that. It’s just not the time if you want to keep it a secret that Vernon wants to propose. 

It also feels nice to be in a group where you don’t have to pretend. Nothing changes all that much for how you and Mingyu are together because he’s always affectionate with you. But, you get to trade any of the not-so-subtle comments about when you’re going to get married to the relentless teasing about how he passes as your boyfriend so easily. It’s nice to have someone joking about it and you find you don’t even mind. Especially when Mingyu chimes in with his own little comments from the kitchen. There seems like there’s a lot of laughter in there as well. 

“You’re going to have to dress him better if he’s going to keep posing as your boyfriend,” Seungkwan jokes and you look over at the kitchen. 

Mingyu is wearing this kind of awful green zip up sweater. It’s not even that nice, soft material. But, he insisted on wearing it because he wanted to wear something with Christmas colors and it was the only thing he had apart from his outfit for tomorrow. It makes you roll your eyes again remembering it.

“I know,” you sigh. “Usually he dresses so well and then there’s that.” 

Your eyes drift back over to him in the kitchen again and you kind of wish you hadn’t looked back. You catch him as something falls off a spoon he’s using to taste test and onto his skin. And, without seeming to think about it, he sucks it off his hand. Then, licks along his finger for good measure. It makes your heart stutter a little in a way that’s completely foreign to you. Why are you so entirely transfixed by someone who’s supposed to be your best friend and fake boyfriend doing that?

“Hey, you good?” Seungkwan asks, snapping in front of your eyes.

You shake your head to clear it before turning back to him. “Yeah, sorry, zoned out for a second.”

“Uh huh,” he says skeptically, but you catch his eyes darting over to Mingyu. 

“Don’t,” you warn him, causing him to throw his hands up in defense. 

“I won’t,” he says. “But, if you decide you want to talk about it…”

“Talk about what?” Mingyu asks. You hadn’t even seen him leave the kitchen. 

“The issue she’s having with Mimi,” Seungkwan lies quickly. 

Mingyu rolls his eyes. “She won’t leave me alone.” 

“And that seems to be driving both of you crazy,” Seungkwan observes. 

“Well, yeah, our bestie is just being a good friend and she knows I’m uncomfortable,” Mingyu says before you can answer. Is that all it is? For the first time, you’re not sure.

“I’m not sure how I feel about sharing a best friend,” Seungkwan says with feigned distaste.

Mingyu tries to give The Look again, but fails even worse than with you. Nobody can outdo Seungkwan and so he gives up. “Food is ready.” 

“Oh good, I’m starving,” Vernon interrupts. 

The rest of brunch goes by without Seungkwan making any other comments. To you, at least. You don’t see him sit down next to Mingyu after the food is done like it’s casual and unplanned. Nothing that man ever does is either of those things, though. What you do notice is how easily he fits into this group of friends. Sure, he knows Seungkwan pretty well and he’s met nearly everyone there. But, he doesn’t get to spend much time around them. Not really, in the grand scheme of things. It isn’t really surprising, if you think about it, because they’re all close friends of yours and he tends to think you have good taste where friends are concerned.

It is a little weird, you think as Mingyu sits on the other side of the room, that he seems to be a little glued to his phone now that things are getting closer to wrapping up. He checks it mid conversation and furrows his brow at whatever he sees. Both seem unusual. Mingyu is always one of those people that gives his full attention to a conversation. Unless it’s an emergency, he likes to be present in a moment. It’s one of your favorite things about him. It’s also unlike him to be so upset by something on his phone. You can’t think of any person that would be creating that reaction from him. Or anyone that he wouldn’t just ignore until later. You try to put it out of your mind as best you can. If it’s something serious, he’ll talk to you about it. At least, you hope. 

Any other time, you would be thrilled to have your favorite cousin staying at your parents’ house for the holidays. She’s always been your confidant and one of your safe spaces. Now? You can’t stand it. You really wish she would be literally anywhere else. Just the sight of her is getting to be enough to set you off. It seems like she’s really taking it to heart that Mingyu is single. You’re not sure what her game is and you hate it. 

Of course, she manages to corner you the second you’re back to your parents’ house. You’re not exactly paying all that much attention, though. The end of brunch with your friends had been a little weird, even if nobody else noticed it. Mingyu accepted all the praise for the things he made, but was distracted by his phone. Someone, you’re not really sure who, kept sending him messages. Whatever it was didn’t seem to be making him happy. Not that you really have any right to ask him who’s blowing up his phone. It’s just a little weird. Usually he’s so present in events like brunch. It’s odd to see him constantly checking his phone. Odder still that he had headed off to the bedroom as soon as you got back. You’re a little buzzed from the mimosas. Mingyu, on the other hand, is very sober.

“There you are,” Mimi says, appearing as if out of thin air. It makes you jump back, hand on your heart.

“Jesus,” you gasp out.

“No, Mimi,” she jokes. Any other time, it would make you laugh. You’re not so entertained with her now. 

“What are you sneaking up on me for?” you ask instead. 

She rolls her eyes and looks around. “I’m not sneaking up on you. I was just trying to catch you away from the others.”

“Why?”

“Why do you have that fake boyfriend of yours on such a tight leash?”

Out of habit, you look around to make sure nobody is listening. Everyone seems too busy, though. “I don’t have Mingyu on a leash.”

“Then explain why he’s basically refusing to answer any of my texts,” she says, arms crossed.

“I don’t know why…wait a minute. Was it you texting him while we were at brunch?” you ask.

This, somehow, seems to satisfy her. “Oh, so he’s not telling you who’s texting him.” 

“I didn’t ask, honestly.”

“Well, I don’t see why he’d be ignoring - “

Your brain catches up then. “Hang on. How the fuck did you get his number?” 

Mimi rolls her eyes again with a huff. “Please. You’ve had the same passcode on your phone for ages. I just grabbed it when you left your phone out.” 

“That’s so fucked, Mimi. You can’t just go through my phone or take his number,” you say. 

“You’re no fun anymore,” she says with a whine.

You’re not interested in hearing anything else she has to say because you just want to talk to Mingyu. This is getting insane that she’s going to this amount of trouble just to try to get to him. Yet, it’s also weird he kept it to himself that she was texting him. The two of you have talked a lot about the shit Mimi pulls in order to get close to him. Why is it different now that she’s texting him while he’s out with your friends? Is he starting to get worn out from dealing with the insanity of your family? Every other time he’s been around, it’s been really chill. This time, not so much. 

Up in your room, you don’t initially see Mingyu. You’re not sure what you’re expecting. Maybe him on his phone texting or else complaining to another friend about how this whole trip is going. Or even talking to his sister about getting out to see her instead of staying here. None of that happens, though. Instead, you find him in the bathroom applying a face mask. It’s a little ridiculous and definitely the last thing you expect. But, you also know that it’s a sign he’s carrying some amount of stress. 

That’s the thing about being as close to someone as you are to Mingyu. To most people, he’s got this unfailing streak of energy and kindness. He’s the kind of person that lets himself be bullied by all his friends even though he could definitely take them. It’s all part of making sure everyone is enjoying themselves and most things just roll off his broad shoulders. There are hidden depths to him, too. Sometimes he gets a little worn out because he’ll keep things to himself instead of burdening someone else. He takes so much onto his own plate and you wish he wouldn’t. At least, not always. He’ll go until it feels a little unbearable and then finally speak up. He’ll force a smile even when he doesn’t feel like it just to make sure nobody else realizes anything is wrong. In a way, he folds in on himself a little. But, you’ve been friends for years so you know his tells. Know how to spot the signs. It takes you a little longer this time surrounded by family and some friends. This is one of those signs, though. Taking the time to do a face mask, even if it’s in the middle of the day, to just give him an excuse to be quiet. 

You’re not usually the one to initiate physical contact with him. Not because you don’t want to, he just never really gives you the chance. He’s like a human koala most of the time. With his back to the door and his eyes closed to enjoy the feeling of the mask, he doesn’t even hear you approach. Your hands wind around his waist, hugging him tightly from the back and your head rests between his shoulder blades. For the briefest moment, he tenses and you worry that he’s using this as a break from you. Then, he realizes it’s just you and his entire body relaxes. He puts his hands over yours and sighs softly. After a moment, it doesn’t seem like it’s enough because he turns in your arms and pulls you tight against his chest, wrapping you so tightly in his own arms that you would complain in any other situation. Not now, though. Not when he’s putting himself through all of this just so you don’t have to have a stressful holiday experience. 

When it’s like this, you don’t dream of pulling away from Mingyu. There’s so much that he does for you and it’s so rare that you can do anything for him in return. So, you’ll stay tightly pressed against him as long as he wants. You won’t be the one to break the hug first. If you can take even a little bit of whatever he’s feeling onto your own shoulders, you will. This trip has been so much better than you could have expected in most ways and you’re determined to be more conscious of his needs. Eventually, he does pull away and let you look up into his face. He looks much more at peace than you expect. Maybe your hugs do have healing powers like he always says. Mingyu turns to remove the face mask and wipe his face before turning back to you.

“I’m sorry,” you say softly into the space between you. 

“For what?” he asks. 

“For the whole drama that is my family,” you start. “Mostly, for Mimi, though.” 

“Ah,” he says and his face falls a little.

“Gyu, I would never have put you in this position if I had known she would be like this,” you say earnestly. 

“I don’t think anyone could have guessed she’d pull all this,” he says with a humorless laugh.

“You should’ve told me that she was texting you and bugging you like that,” you say without any accusation. You just want to be able to share in his burden.

He only shrugs. “We were with your friends and you looked so happy. I didn’t want to bring it down. How did you even find out she was texting me?” 

“She told me,” you say with an eye roll. 

“Really?”

“Well, she cornered me and asked why I had you on such a tight leash…”

“Kinky,” he interrupts and it nearly makes you choke. 

“And then, when I asked how she even got your number, she told me she’d gone into my phone and taken it,” you say to avoid thinking too deeply about Mingyu and any kinks he might have. 

“Bold,” he observes. 

“Do you like that?” you ask before you can stop yourself.

The second the question comes out of your mouth, you wish you could take it back. What is going on with your brain today? First you’re losing your train of thought watching Mingyu lick something off his finger. Then, you’re wondering about his kinks. Now, you’re wondering if he likes someone that’s a little bit bold. It’s got to just be the atmosphere that you’re in. Or that you’re pretending to date him. It’s messing with your mind and you’re not responsible for the way you act. 

The worst part is that Mingyu’s entire face changes. He gets that knowing look on his face when he meets your eyes. A little cocky. The look that says he knows just how attractive he can be. It’s not usually directed at you and you’re not really sure what to do now that it is. 

“Sometimes,” he says. “Not necessarily from someone I’m not actually interested in, though.” 

“Good to know.” 

Mingyu arches an eyebrow and okay, that’s devastating. Maybe you’re still a little under the influence of the mimosas. There’s no other explanation for the way your knees go a little weak at such a simple movement. “Is it?”

“Huh?” you ask, shaking your head to clear it.

“You said it was good to know and I asked if it was,” he repeats, smirk only deepening.

“Oh, sure,” you say and he seems momentarily surprised. “You know, so I can tell Mimi.”

You’re actually not entirely sure what makes you say it. It’s not like you would ever want him to consider Mimi. It might actually drive you crazy if he went for her. He gets that look on his face that you’re all too familiar with. Affection mixed with exasperation. Nobody seems to get it more than you.

“Too bad for her that I’m very much not interested,” he says. 

“Shame. I don’t know how I would get over the loss.”

“Luckily you don’t have to because you’re stuck with me.”

“Until you actually have a crush on someone again.” 

Even though you say it, you want to take it back as soon as it comes out of your mouth. Images come rushing into your mind of Mingyu falling in love with someone that actually lasts. Someone that could take your best friend away from you. Which should be what you want, right? You should want him to be happy. And you do.  You just can’t really stand the thought of a life where he’s happy without you being right there by his side. This trip makes you think about a lot more than you bargained for. 

“I do have a crush,” he says softly.

“Oh, of course,” you say and look away from him. That’s fine. This is all fine.

His finger is under your chin the next second to pull your face back around to his. It’s the look of patience that you also see a lot. Especially when he’s trying to teach you something in the kitchen. Or explain something from work. Or really just talk about anything he’s passionate about. 

“The crush is on you, dummy,” he says softly. 

“What?” you ask, not sure you heard him correctly. 

With a shake of his head, he steps back to lean against the bathroom. “Of all the times I pictured telling you this, I never considered telling you in the bathroom attached to your old bedroom at your parents’ house.” 

“We don’t…” you start and he shakes his head again.

“No, this probably fits,” he says with a light laugh. The kind when he’s just a little caught off guard himself. “I thought I wanted to tell you after brunch with your friends and, I don’t know, I could be misreading the whole thing, but I think you’re ready to hear it now too. I like you. I’ve been more than happy just to be your friend because I didn’t want to say something before we were both ready. I’m happy to be here as your friend that’s only pretending to date you because I’d do anything to make life easier for you.”

“Mingyu,” you say, so low it’s barely above a whisper. Like you’re afraid to break the quiet in the limited space between you. 

“You don’t have to say…” he starts, only to be interrupted by a loud knock at your bedroom door. 

Your senses are entirely overwhelmed and you wonder what he sees as you look up at him, eyes wide in wonder. Before this, you would say that your brain could process too many things all at the same time. That it always had a million things going on. Now, you can’t seem to do any of that. Can’t focus on anything other than your beautiful best friend before you and the fact that apparently he has feelings for you. You see his mouth move, assume it’s to answer the knock, and have to shake yourself back to reality. Need to come out of this day dream so that you can react to whoever is at the door. 

“Too bad, lovebirds, you have to come downstairs. Attendance for games and cookie decorating is mandatory on Christmas Eve,” your cousin calls back. 

“Mimi, just…” you start to call out to her and Mingyu shakes his head.

“We’ll be right down!” he cuts across you. He waits, seeming like he’s listening for the sound of Mimi walking away from the door. How he can hear anything over the pounding of your heart seems unthinkable. Somehow, he must hear something because he turns back to you with soft eyes and speaks in an even softer voice. “It’s okay, we can talk tonight after dinner or when we come to bed. There’s no pressure for you to even say anything. Our friendship is the most important thing in the world to me.” 

With that, he gives you a quick peck on the top of the head. Something that’s immediately gentler than anything you’ve experienced with him during the entire course of your friendship. The smile he gives you as he steps around you to lead the way down to interact with your family has you go weak in the knees. Has he ever smiled at you like that before? Or is it a new smile? Once upon a time, you would have said that you had every facial expression of his memorized from years spent in each other’s company. Years spent sharing private jokes, going on adventures, complaining about work and family and everything in between. But maybe, you think, there are still things that you can learn about Mingyu. Maybe there are still things that you can learn from him as well. 

When you don’t immediately follow after him, Mingyu turns around to grab your hand and pull you along with him. There’s something about the way he threads his fingers through yours and squeezes that makes your heart pound again before settling down. His touch is gentle, like it always is, and filled with complete care. You don’t notice the way he glances back at you every few steps. Not with concern, but with curiosity. He would have bet he knew your every facial expression and can’t fully place the way you look now. Somehow, even though he can’t completely tell what you’re thinking, he knows that he made the right decision. Knows it was time to tell you what’s been on his mind. Knows that, no matter what, he’s still going to have his best friend on the other side of this trip.

It’s chaos once you and Mingyu get downstairs, like it always is at your parents��� house on Christmas Eve. Though, this definitely seems a little busier than years past. You’re not sure why that is either, but everyone seems to want to join in on the traditions that your parents cling to. In any case, it’s a good thing for you because it lets you just blend into the group of people without your parents paying entirely too much attention to you. Mingyu uses your hand intertwined with his to pull you into him, the way he has countless other times on this trip, and presses a kiss to your temple. Then, he’s off into the kitchen, throwing a joke at your mom about how he’s here now and she doesn’t need to worry. He looks over his shoulder and winks at you as your mother puts him to work mixing ingredients. You honestly don’t even know how you react in response. It must be okay, though, because he smiles back at you.

You love to decorate the cookies and will happily help make them in other situations, but there are already too many cooks in the kitchen. Instead, you help to set up some of the card tables that your parents keep for times like these. It gives people the chance to figure out what they might want to play and who they want to join them. It really is a nice tradition, no matter how you feel about your parents. And since your mother usually spends more time on baking and decorating the cookies, she doesn’t notice if things get a little too competitive between you and the cousins. Or if your father eggs the rest of you on while he watches. She has her favorite parts and lets everyone else do whatever it is they want to do. As long as everyone takes a break to help with decorating the cookies. Not that it’s ever a concern, that’s most people’s favorite part. 

Once the tables are all set up, you settle into a board game with some of your cousins. Usually, you’re one of the more competitive ones. Board games come pretty easily to you and you pick up on the strategy quickly. If your cousins notice that you’re not nearly as invested this time, they let you have it. And they do notice it, pretty quickly, but let you have it. It’s easy to see you’re distracted and to see that you keep glancing into the kitchen at Mingyu. They just let you have it. It’s in their best interest, anyway. It’s nice to get the chance to win without you being fully committed to beating everyone around you. 

This kind of setting really gives you a chance to think without shutting yourself away in your bedroom. That’s too obvious. You can’t just say that your best friend confessed feelings for you and now you need to figure out what your own feelings are. Not when he’s pretending to be your boyfriend already. Not when your whole family already thinks you’re lying about having just gotten together with him. And not when your mother would probably kill you if you missed out on traditions that may be older than you are. 

All the spiralling in your brain is just cover, you realize, for the bigger picture. Mingyu likes you and he thinks this is the right time to have a conversation about it. He also knows that your friendship is the most important. You agree. He’s one of the most important people in your life, but is he more than that to you too? Is it possible that it’s more than friendship? That’s not something you ever considered. When you and Mingyu met in university it was through someone you were dating at the time. The relationship was, fortunately, very short lived. But the friendship with Mingyu, that was the stuff of stories. That instant connection that survived the breakup. The two of you always joke that your friendship was meant to be and that’s why it lasted when the relationship didn’t. Why others could come and go from your lives but you two are forever. Especially when either of you has dated someone that had an issue with the friendship. It’s insane to think that men and women can’t be friends. A completely archaic way of thinking. 

That makes you think about your friendship with Seungkwan, though. Someone in your life who has also always been a constant. Someone who supports all your rights and your wrongs, even if he gives you a hard time too. And that’s when something else clicks. Your past partners haven’t objected to your friendship with Seungkwan nearly as often as your friendship with Mingyu. It’s not that he’s not attractive, because he definitely is. It can’t be that you’re not as close. Seungkwan has been with you through a lot. It could be that there's been more distance between you and him since you moved away, but you’re not sure that’s it either. He’s a constant in your life even from a distance. When you can’t see him, you regularly FaceTime him. So, no, he’s still present even if he’s not in the same city. 

And then it hits you. You don’t watch Seungkwan lick something off his finger while he’s cooking.  You don’t get jealous of your cousin hitting on him, regardless of what else is going on. You don’t seek out physical affection in the same way. Don’t find yourself looking over at Seungkwan for his reaction to everything going on around you. Don’t want to know his thoughts on something before you make each big decision. Seungkwan is your best friend and he means the world to you, but the thought of him constantly kissing you on the cheek or the temple or forehead or even the back of your hand doesn’t unleash butterflies in your stomach. 

Holy shit. You’re in love with Mingyu. Definitely in way over your head with feelings that should have been obvious to you. It’s impossible to pinpoint when it might have happened or how. Maybe there isn’t a specific time. Maybe it’s something that happens slowly over time. You know that when you first became friends it was only that, a friendship. Someone that you could be yourself around and feel at home with in a very foreign environment. Somewhere along the way, it’s morphed into more. He really is the person you want to share all your news with, the person that you look to for support first. It’s so clear to you that your feelings are there now that he’s confessed and gotten you thinking about it. When you meet his eyes across the room, you wonder if he can see the realization on your face. 

Now that you realize that you also have feelings for Mingyu, you’re not sure how you missed it before. If you consider the traits you’re looking for in a partner, he ticks off every box. And if you’re being completely honest, he’s been the reason for adding some traits to your list. So, not that you’ll admit this to any of your most recent exes, but maybe they had a point when they questioned your relationship with Mingyu. Not a big point. They still had shitty reasons for disliking Mingyu, but a small point nonetheless. 

The rest of the evening seems to go by entirely too slowly, even if you do enjoy yourself. Much to the dismay of your cousins, you’re no longer distracted and you proceed to kick their asses at any game they suggest. You do go a little easier on them than normal, though, and avoid any of the trash talk. Thankfully Seungkwan isn’t there to point out that being in a good mood makes you soft. Even decorating the cookies is more fun than you can remember. You try not to think about whether that’s because Mingyu sits right next to you the whole time, trying to sabotage your cookie designs or make you laugh with his own. Spoiler alert: it absolutely is and you’re already down horrendous. It’s even easier to act like a cute couple in love now than it was before. And you also ignore the realization that it being so easy to pretend to be in a relationship with your best friend should have also been an indicator. Nobody ever said you were the most observant when it came to your own feelings. 

Finally, you get a free moment to go upstairs. It’s time to get changed for Christmas Eve dinner and that gives you both the chance to excuse yourselves. The only person who seems to be tracking the movement with some amount of interest is Mimi. You’re too caught up in reaching out for Mingyu’s hand to notice, though. His smile at the action is immediately familiar and new. Familiar because you know his face better than your own and new because you didn’t expect to see him looking at you like that.

“I didn’t expect your mom to have me working so hard in the kitchen helping with the cookie dough,” he says once you close the door. 

“Oh, I did,” you say through a snort. 

“How was the - “ 

“You were right.” 

You both go to speak at the same time and Mingyu’s mouth closes the second he realizes what you said. Whatever he wants to ask dies on his tongue over three words from your mouth. They might just be the second best three words you could say to him right then. 

“About?” he prompts. 

“It was the right time to tell me,” you confirm for him. It’s clear that he’s biting his tongue to let you say whatever you need to. Even if he knows by the look on your face. “I like you too.” 

“Thank fucking god,” he says with an exhale. “When Seungkwan told me that I should tell you because he caught you watching me, I thought he was being a shit and…”

“Wait, what?” you ask. Fucking Seungkwan. Of course.

“Oh, yeah, at brunch earlier he said that he noticed you watching me while I was cooking and that if I liked you like he thought I did, that I should probably tell you,” he says a little sheepishly. 

“You know what? Forget Seungkwan. I need to see something,” you say and close the space between you. 

Before Mingyu can ask anything, you’re on your tiptoes, hands cupping his face and lips pressed to his. He wraps his arms around your lower back to pull you tighter against his body without missing a beat. And that really is all you need to know. Everything is in that first real kiss. Any lingering hesitations slip away. You can feel his promises and the answers to the questions you know you’ll have to actually ask in that kiss. For now, it just feels like coming home. Like you found the person that can get through all the bullshit and remind you about what’s actually important in life. 

“Wow,” you say when you pull away.

“Yeah,” he agrees. 

“Is that what I’ve been missing out on?” you wonder.

“Just how long have you liked me?” he says with an all too knowing smirk. 

“I only realized today so I’ve got some catch up to do,” you joke. 

“We both do, I think,” he says. 

Without having to say a word, both of you get ready for Christmas dinner since your mother insists that you get dressed up. Every few seconds one of you seems to catch the other looking. It feels exciting, but you’re also a little shy. There’s a lot to talk about and a lot to navigate. You know you can’t put it aside. It just doesn’t feel as time sensitive now. This is one of the most important people in your life and it’s going to work out. At least, if you can get through the whole drawn out affair that is dinner first. 

Which you do. Through all your mother’s courses and all the formality that she insists on following, you have Mingyu by your side. You’re not even distracted by Mimi on the other side of the table. She can’t seem to take her eyes off you while you and Mingyu can’t take your eyes off each other. More than once, you entirely miss a question and Mingyu has to nudge you to prompt you. It’s not your fault, you reason. He’s just so insanely attractive and made all the more so because you know that he’s a genuinely wonderful person. 

Every part of you wants to skip the after dinner drinks and go back upstairs with Mingyu, but he quietly insists that you should stay. Even laughs when you turn his signature pout back around on him. If he makes a good point that you have nothing but time, you still want to take advantage of some of that time right now. Instead, you sip on your rumchata and curl into Mingyu on the oversized armchair by the fire. Despite trying to leave a little bit of space, you’re basically sitting on his lap at his own insistence. 

Once the first people start to call it a night, you look at Mingyu with nearly pleading eyes. That gets a light laugh out of him as he nods to agree that you can go upstairs to your bedroom. You say your goodnights to everyone in the room, wish people a Happy Christmas Eve, and lead the way back up to your room even though he doesn’t need the directions 

It’s nice to have uninterrupted time to figure everything out with Mingyu now that your feelings are out in the open. And once you’re both changed and through your skincare routines, you get into bed just to talk. It’s remarkable how much can fall into place so easily. It’s obvious that he figured out his feelings first. You insist that yours are already just as strong. The two of you depend on each other in everything without realizing it. Turn to each other for support. Share in all the best news. Suffer through any heartbreak together. In the years of friendship, there’s something deeper than either of you ever expected.

Honestly, it’s not even something either of you just held onto or harbored for years. The feelings really came suddenly. Mingyu shares that he wasn’t just waiting around to tell you that he had feelings for you. He also shares, though you already know, that no part of him felt entitled to your returned feelings. Had Seungkwan not said something, he’s not even sure if or when he would have said something. The last thing he would ever want was to make you uncomfortable. As much as he cares about you and wants to explore the relationship, you’re also the best friend he’s ever had. You feel the same. It’s a little scary and exciting at the same time. You trust Mingyu with your heart in a way that you’ve never trusted anyone else.

It’s entirely too late into the night by the time you and Mingyu fall asleep. How the two of you have so much to say at this point in the friendship is something to be studied. But, eventually you drift off, completely intertwined with Mingyu. He’s been a cuddler this whole trip and you’re not sure how he’s gotten himself even more attached to you. Yet, he does. It’s like any space between you would be too much. It’s too much satisfaction to give him that he’s right. He can tell anyway. 

When you wake up, it feels too early. A fact only confirmed when you check your phone. None of the little cousins or your cousins with kids are staying at your parents’ house. So, you know that it doesn’t have to be an early start to the morning. You consider if you can drift off back to sleep. In the night, you ended up with Mingyu spooning you. His arm is loosely draped over you and your back is pressed somewhat lightly into his chest. When you go to adjust to think about drifting back off, your ass brushes against his hips, you feel something press into you. That stops you for a moment. Obviously, you and Mingyu talked about sex the night before. About how you wanted to try to take it a little slower since this means so much to both of you. And obviously you know that it’s relatively common for a guy to wake up a little hard. Your brain knows all those things. Knows what you should do. You should just reposition and go back to sleep. 

That’s not what you actually do though. 

So carefully that it could be an accident, you wiggle against him, a little harder this time. You yawn like you’re actually just adjusting to get comfortable and fall back asleep. He might let you get away with it, too, if you didn’t do it more than once, pressing further back into him each time. You know he’s awake by the sharp intake of breath and then the way he moves his hand to grip your thigh. The way his fingertips dig into your skin there makes you grind back harder without pretending it’s anything else. 

Mingyu puts his lips to your ear. “Are you trying to drive me crazy?” 

“No,” you whisper. 

“I thought we said we were going to take it slow,” he says with incredible difficulty.

“I can move slower,” you answer immediately. It feels gratifying when he snaps his hips into your ass. 

“You’re teasing me,” he whines.

“Not if I follow through,” you say. “I want you, Mingyu. I don’t want to wait.” 

“Fuck,” he hisses as you continue to grind into him. “I want you to.” 

“Then…” you start and immediately cut off as his hand winds back around to your front. He grabs your pussy through your shorts that suddenly feel too flimsy. Runs his long middle finger up your core and you immediately know you started something that he’s going to finish. 

But his hand is gone entirely too quickly. Worse still, he pulls back. It’s only long enough for him to turn you towards him and then pull you on top of him. Your brain catches back up once you’re straddle over him and he pulls your face towards him. You kiss him like you haven’t yet. Full of desire and desperation. Nothing like the first few kisses you share. Those kisses were to make sure this was right. This kiss is to ruin him. Maybe to ruin yourself as well. His hands are on your hips, anchoring you to him, not that there’s anywhere else you could possibly be. 

It’s never been like this with anyone. Just some heavy kissing and you’re already getting turned on. Already wondering what’s next. What it’s going to feel like. If Mingyu is the type of person that will take his time with you. It’s hard to imagine when he seems just as desperate as you are. At least, he tries to anchor you in a certain position so that you can’t grind too much. Maybe he does want to savor it. You really are down horrendous for this man because you think you could just kiss him like this forever and never quite get enough. 

All too soon, Mingyu rolls the pair of you over again. Now he’s hovering over you and nobody has any business being that hot. And then he pulls back, somewhat straddling your legs without putting too much weight on you. In one movement, he pulls his shirt over his head and casts it aside. Okay, now you really think that nobody has any business being that hot. And sure, you’ve seen him shirtless before. This is just different. You don’t even realize as he’s reaching for your shirt until you feel his fingers brush the skin of your stomach. He’s looking for permission, but you’re a little impatient and pull the shirt off yourself. You’re not sure that anyone has ever looked at your body with so much love. Like he’s just as amazed as you are. He peppers your chest and your chest and your stomach with kisses. Showing you just how much he loves every bit of you. It’s the safest feeling in the world and you’re not really sure how you got this lucky. 

Mingyu is so gentle when he pulls your shorts off. Trails kisses along your thighs as well and makes you shiver. Chuckles when he pulls his own off and you swallow at the sight of him. He’s a big guy and somehow you’re still not expecting his dick to be big like it is. Haven’t ever really thought about it in all the time you’ve been friends. You expect him to be all confident seeing your reaction. There’s something else there too, though. Like he’s a little nervous about this. You’re not really sure what to say to reassure him, so you just pull him back to you to kiss him again. He adjusts into you almost immediately, half laying on top of you while still making sure that he’s not crushing you.

This time kissing him is very different, though. He moves one hand between your legs. It’s gentle at first. He only runs his finger up your center a few times. Catches each moan with his kisses. Slowly works a finger inside you and pumps at a languid pace. It turns you into a whiny, squirming mess entirely too quickly. Empties any thoughts or worries out of your head. You know you can’t be too loud and you hate it. Nobody should be able to kiss this well while also hitting the perfect spot with each pass of his fingers. He adds a second finger and you’re sure that you’re done for. Sure that nothing else will ever feel as perfect as him again. You reach to stroke him and he pulls back. 

“What’s wrong?” you ask, unable to hide the concern in your voice.

“No, nothing,” he assures you quickly. “I just, um, well I really want to fuck you and I’m not sure I could handle it if…”

“Do you have a condom?” you ask, already ready to say it doesn’t matter if you have to.

“I might?” he says more like a question and gets off the bed to cross to his bag with too much speed. In any other situation you might laugh. Now, you just want to feel him. A moment later, after rifling through his bag, he comes back up with one. 

He’s moving back to you, unwrapping the condom, and then he looks up at you. There’s a question in his eyes.

“Yes, Mingyu, I want this. And yes, I want it here,” you assure him. 

Thankfully, that’s the only confirmation he needs. In the next second, he’s pumping himself a few times and rolling the rubber onto himself. You move to reposition, but he doesn’t let you. He gently presses you back and gets between your legs. Carefully, he lines himself up and presses in. 

“Oh fuck,” you hiss out, trying to stay quiet. 

“Too much?” he asks and stills.

“No, Gyu, just move, please,” you whine out, pulling him into you. 

He does exactly what you ask and snaps his hips so he’s fully buried inside you. It’s a stretch in the best way. Like this is exactly how it’s supposed to be. You can’t help it, you moan out the first time he thrusts and he catches the second moan with another bruising kiss. Probably better to have bruised lips than to have your family hear the screams you let out as he fucks you. Probably better than having them hear his moans as well. They vibrate through his chest and it gives you a sense of pride. Mingyu is a taker in every sense of his life. You know that it must be killing him to keep quiet now. 

The two of you fall into a perfect rhythm without even trying. There’s nothing awkward about it being your first time. Knowing each other as well as you do as friends seems to translate here. Or maybe Mingyu just pays much closer attention to you than you realize. You run your nails down his back and his thrusts stutter so you do it again. That seems to get to him. He picks up the paces of his thrusts. Pulls his dick almost all the way out of you before quickly snapping his hips to bury himself in your pussy again. Never in your life has sex as simple as this position felt so good. Never has anyone you’ve dated felt this perfect. 

When Mingyu’s thrusts start to stutter, you reach down between your bodies to rub your clit. Seconds later, your pussy clenches around Mingyu and your vision whites out. You can feel Mingyu release and try to pick up the pace to work him through his own orgasm. He half collapses on you, breathing heavy. Both of you have to catch your breath from all the kisses to muffle the noises as well. He tries to roll over so that he’s not on top of you and you cling to him, not ready to lose contact just yet.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he assures you.

“I know.” 

“That was…” 

“Better than I was expecting.” 

You can feel his eyes on you even without looking and it makes you smile. Can imagine what he’s about to say before he even opens his mouth.

“Oh, you didn’t think I’d be any good?” 

You laugh at that as you turn to face him. “No, I thought you’d be good. I just didn’t expect our first time where we had to be quiet because we’re in my parents house to be that good.” 

He considers your words for a second.

“I guess I can take that,” he concedes. 

“Come on. We have to clean up and get downstairs,” you say and he sighs dramatically. But, then he gets up and helps you up with him. 

Half an hour later, you’re downstairs at the kitchen table sipping on a peppermint mocha latte and picking out your favorite pastries from the spread your mother has out. Mingyu has his chair pulled close to you and his arm along the back of your chair. Your cousin is sitting on your other side, cheerily humming under her breath. In a strange move, she isn’t even trying to speak to Mingyu. Just as you’re trying to figure out what’s going on with her, she turns to you.

“Have a good morning?” she asks knowingly.

“We’ll talk about it later,” you hiss back, casting your eyes around. 

“No need,” she waves off and shoots a smirk at you. “I got exactly what I wanted.” 

“I don’t…” 

“Seungkwan and I have been talking a lot. Plotting, I guess you could say. Seems like it finally paid off,” she says and your jaw hangs open. 

“Are you…did you just…” you stutter out. 

“As long as it’s real now,” she says and doesn’t wait for confirmation. Doesn’t need it, when it’s written all over your face. “We can talk about it later but I am sorry.” 

“You and fucking Seungkwan,” you grumble. 

It is a weight off your chest, though. Mimi has always been your favorite. A safe space in all the insanity of your family. It’s good to know that she’s still that for you. The two of you can argue about her methods, or her alliance with Seungkwan, later. It’s hard to ignore that it did actually help. You’re in this place because some of your favorite people meddled to help you and Mingyu see sense. Maybe you can say all is well that ends well. 

In between all the chaos of breakfast and making sure the presents are under the tree, you manage to tell Mingyu about what Mimi had really been up to. He seems relieved. Not even annoyed, just happy that things can settle into whatever the new normal looks like for you and him. You also find time to whisper all the things you want to do to him when there aren’t prying eyes around. It may be cruel, but you delight in the way the blush rises up his cheeks and the way he shifts in his seat. You’re going to have a lot of fun playing with him, you already know. He’s so easy to rile up. Now you have brand new material to use on him. 

Your mother works to corral everyone into the living room where the Christmas tree is so that people can start opening presents. You always hold back and watch at first. Don’t even make an effort to find anything that might be for you. It’s more fun to see people’s reactions. Does your mother like what your father picked out? Are your cousins humoring their parents? Did someone manage to get something that’s genuinely a surprise? There’s never a dull moment. In fact, you’re so lost in thought watching that you don't notice wasn’t beside you until he plops back down and nudges you. Hands a small, beautifully wrapped box over to you. 

“Go on, open it,” he urges you softly. It’s clear he’s trying not to draw too much attention. 

Exchanging gifts with Mingyu isn’t new. It’s something you do every year. This is unexpected though. Usually you exchange gifts away from other people because they can be a little silly. Nothing about this feels silly, though. With a final questioning glance at him, you pull the ribbon off and carefully ripping the paper. It’s immediately clear that it’s a jewelry box. That makes your heart hammer. You can’t even look over at him. Surely this is something he had already. It’s not like there’s been any time to go out and get something in the midst of all your confessions. 

There’s a necklace inside the box. Something that looks old, important. The kind of thing you can tell has been well worn and loved without looking cheap. There’s a pendant hanging from the chain with your favorite stone in a setting that you instantly love. It’s the most perfect gift that anyone has ever given you and it makes you a little emotional. You turn to Mingyu, tears welling in your eyes, and want to have the moment just for the two of you. Unfortunately, your mother and several other family members watch your reaction.

“It’s beautiful,” you say softly.

“Do you like it?” he asks, still unsure.

“I love it,” you say earnestly.

“It was my grandmother’s that she got from her grandmother before her. She told me to hold onto it and that I would just know when I should give it to someone,” he says and that does you in. Any last resolve disappears. 

The only response you can think of is to just kiss him. A real kiss pressed to his lips full of all the words you can’t say about how much a present like this means to you. How sure you are that you two are making the right decision. It’s so meaningful. 

“I love you,” he says quietly, trying to keep it just for the two of you. Which doesn’t happen. Not that it matters. Your parents have heard you saying you loved each other this whole trip. It means something different now, though.

“I love you, too,” you say back. “So much.” 

“It’s a beautiful necklace,” your mother offers as Mingyu helps you to put it on. 

“I thought it would look good on her,” he adds to your mother. 

“Almost as good as a ring,” your mother says. It’s the least subtle comment in the entire world.

Mingyu doesn’t miss a beat. Just smiles and nods a little. “Well, maybe you’ll have to invite me back next year and see what the gift is.” 

“You have a deal.” 

For the first time, you’re not upset with your mother for bringing up marriage and the idea of settling down. You’re just basking in the affection coming from Mingyu and appreciating your new necklace. Soon, you’ll have to leave this little bubble. Trade the idyllic snow covered scenery where everything moves a little slower for your life back in the city. But, you’ll be taking a different relationship with Mingyu back. You think that maybe he’ll be the key to you finally figuring out how to balance it all. Maybe he’s been the answer all along. 

[sibyllinebooks]

poly relationship between scott, stiles, and reader headcanons

a/n: holy cow uhm 35 likes on my first post ?? take this hastily made post as a thank you. if you want me to make a part 2 lmk 🫶🏻

a/n: also this is meant to be an afab reader but i tried not to use any gendered pronouns

you met them in middle school. you had just moved to beacon hills and since you had no one to sit with at lunch, stiles convinced scott to introduce themselves.

and somehow, it worked. you clicked with them instantly, seamlessly integrating into their lives like a puzzle piece they’d never known was missing.

the saying “two’s a party, three’s a crowd” has NEVER been applicable to the three of you. wherever you went, they followed. wherever they went, you followed.

intimacy had never been an issue for the three of you. sure, puberty was a little different for you and the boys but for some reason it was never awkward to talk about. maybe because stiles never had a filter when it came to anything.

you got your first period ? you whined about how badly it hurt and suprisingly, scott was the one who comforted you most. his mom’s a nurse, she taught him ( i know she did. mama mccall teaches her son to respect women and about anatomy. he had the talk very early. )

stiles had to learn a bit. but his adhd caused him to go down a health rabbit hole and now he’s always worried when you complain about cramps. “are you okay? did an ovary burst?” he’s stupid and he knows better but he means well and his mouth says things before he can think.

of course, stiles and scott did have their own conversations about their side of things. mostly about how you were the subject of a lot of their fantasies. but they’d never tell you that. they’re not weirdos.

as you grew up, you were always able to talk about crushes with one another. stiles had been in love with lydia martin forever and whichever girl caught scott’s eye for a time. you had the occasional fancy but it always passed. for some reason you always got bored. i wonder why.

sleepovers were always fun. star wars marathons and dumb sci fi movies and you forcing asking them to watch cute romance movies with you. and you’d always cuddle up between both of them, not wanting to have to choose between your two favorite boys. they didn’t mind.

at the start of high school, you realized just how handsome they had become. stiles with his adorable buzz cut that made scratching his head so easy during cuddles. and the soft tendrils of hair that would curl behind scott’s ears. you wished you could brush them back. but that was normal, right?

you were always their biggest supporter so when they said they wanted to try out for lacrosse, you were there. you even made a poster ( obviously both their names were on it. it was easier to hold one sign. )

the team made derogatory comments about how you must be a slut and you had to be giving it up. why else would you have two best friends who were both guys?

and that hurt you. but the implications of the statement burrowed somewhere in your mind and didn’t go away. i mean, you had always been together platonically. would it really be so different if you were romantically?

and you tried to ignore it. you did. it was illogical to feel that way for two people. to want two people in a way that made your heart hurt and your stomach ache. wasn’t it?

so you told yourself it didn’t matter because stiles still liked lydia ( or so you thought ). it would never happen anyway. and you’d been friends with scott for years. he probably only saw you the same way he did stiles.

you were wrong. you were so wrong.

after scott was bitten, things shifted between the two of you. he seemed more confident, more sure of himself, and he seemed to be around you even more than usual if that was even possible. you liked it. you liked it a lot.

the morning before the first lacrosse game, you and scott were talking before school. stiles was nowhere to be seen ( likely having broken down with roscoe again ).

that was the topic of conversation, actually. you two were placing bets on what had delayed your best friend’s arrival.

“i guarantee you he’s duct taping roscoe on the side of the road again.”

“that or his adhd ass forgot to set his alarm clock again.”

and you were both laughing. you were laughing so hard and you didn’t notice the way scott’s face had changed. like you were the one who made the sun rise in the morning and put the stars in the sky.

“can i kiss you?”

the question caught you off guard. it wasn’t something you expected him to ever say. you were silent for several minutes. it was the longest stretch of time scott had ever felt. and then you nodded.

he was so sweet. hesitant, at first. it was simple and short, but his lips were soft and you could feel him smile when you kissed back.

unfortunately, you two never had a chance to talk about it or what it meant as the familiar blue jeep pulled into the parking lot a few seconds later. you didn’t know if stiles had seen what happened between you and scott. honestly, you didn’t want to know. because even though you felt something for scott, you felt something for stiles too. and you didn’t know what that meant yet.

and with all the drama going on between trying to figure out who bit scott and surveiling derek and getting through classes, it wasn’t easy to find the time to talk things out.

and maybe it’s better that you didn’t. because then you kissed stiles.

you hadn’t meant to. honestly, you really, really hadn’t meant to. but scott was out with derek so stiles had decided to keep you company and do homework together.

except you both got very bored very quickly so you turned on a rerun of some old movie you’d seen a thousand times before. and stiles kept pointing out the inaccuracies which sparked a heated debate between the two of you.

you were rambling, trying to prove your point that it didn’t ruin the movie. and you noticed that his brown eyes were locked on yours and he seemed to be holding his breath. and he looked so pretty that you stopped mid-sentence and all coherent thought went out the window.

you kissed him first and it shocked the hell out of him. you took that as a bad sign and immediately pulled back, embarrassment causing a burn in your cheeks and a stammer as you tried to apologize.

“stiles i am so- i’m so sorry. i didn’t- i mean- i know you like lydia- shit i’m so sorry.”

he kissed you the second time. and all of your worries went out the window. you were still kissing when scott walked through your door.

for the second time that night, you wanted to crawl into a hole and die.

“i was wondering when that would happen.”

your mouth DROPPED as you gaped at scott’s words.

when you got your composure back, you three had a very lengthy conversation about what this meant for the three of you.

you knew you liked them both and you didn’t want to choose. thankfully, they didn’t make you. you’d always been their favorite and they’d give you anything you wanted.

now you have the two best boyfriends in the world.

[deansapplepie]

The Spitting Image | Part 2

Summary: Years passed since last time you saw your ex-boyfriend and father of your son. Fate decided the perfect moment for you to reconnect was after the end of the world.

Pairing: Daryl Dixon x f! Reader

Warnings: swearing, threatening, a little angsty, pregnancy, mentions of abortion, mentions of abandonment, Reader’s Parents. Minors do not interact. (If I forgot anything let me know)

Word Count: 3,715

A/N: again I didn’t finish this part how I wanted to, but next part probably we’ll have father and son moments. Also I guess the flashbacks are over.

Also, this is fiction so any inaccurate thing just take as it can happen in this world.

Part 1 Part 3

Series Masterlist

Main Masterlist

Daryl and you never said if you were dating or not, but you guessed it was implied because you were always together, you did couple shit, you kissed… he was your best friend, but you wish you had a girl friend you could share how happy you were. One day you thought about telling your mom, you had always been friends, but as soon as you arrived home an ice bucket was thrown on you.

“Y/N, dear, Mrs. Guttenberg told us something very preoccupying. She said she saw you and the younger Dixon together at the public library.” Your father said and you could be a little naïve, but you knew he was looking for information.

“You mean Daryl, daddy?” He was a Dixon, indeed, but he had a name.

“Yes, whatever his name is.” He answered annoyed.

“We’re in the same year. Sometimes we have projects to do together.” You lied, indeed you were in the same year, but you had no classes together this year.

“Avoid having him as a pair for your school projects.” He said, indeed you read well the situation. Your father had something against the boy you loved.

“Why? We’re friends.”

“There’s no such thing as boys and girls being friends, sweetie.” This time it was your mom, and you thinking about telling her about Daryl… you couldn’t have been more wrong.

After this you didn’t stop seeing Daryl, you could never do that. So instead, you did what every teenager would do, you did it either way, but hide it from your parents and how was it even more delicious to hide everything from them. The feeling of the secrets and the mystery being your everyday fuel.

You didn’t even know how you were able to maintain the secrecy until your high school graduation, until your last summer before going to the uni. It was perfect, you’d sneak around say you’d be with one of your “girl friends” and you’d be enjoying yourself with Daryl. That was until middle of the summer, when they discovered your lie. You were surprised how they cared about you to not know you had no friends for years and buying your lies so easily.

It was a beautiful summer evening, both of you were at a small diner savoring a Milkshake you were sharing when the doorbell couldn’t have sounded more horrifying than in the moment. Your parents entered the diner and marched in your direction you froze, and Daryl saw the shift in your mood, the anxiety creeping out of you… and then He saw them too and everything made sense.

Your father yanked you from your sit hastily as if you stayed any more time close to Daryl you’d be contaminated.

“What did I told you? Avoid the younger Dixon, and you’re here having milkshakes with him.” Your father angrily bursted still grabbing your arm and not afraid at all that everyone was seeing the scene.

“Sir, yer hurting her…” Daryl tried to politely tell him to release you.

“I’m not talking to you your bastard son of a bitch! You seduced my innocent daughter!” His intention was to make some noise, he wanted everyone to know what the boy he considered scum had “done”.

Oh if he just knew how ‘innocent’ you were.

“Dad, it’s not like this.” You tried to reason with him. “I’m with him because I want to, I-I love him.”

“Sir, your daughter is off age. She has the right to make her own decisions.” His hands were closed in fists, trying to consider that man was your father, and he couldn’t just break his nose.

“You shut the hell up Dixon! I decide what is better for her! You open your disgusting mouth one more time and I’ll make sure next time you open it is to cry because your drunk daddy and your junkie of a brother are behind the jails with no time to leave it!” He just used his power as an attorney to threaten Daryl with the people that he had to protect even if they were part of his pain. His brother was indeed a junkie, but he was his brother. And his dad… how many times he wished he was dead when he was past drunk and would beat the hell out of him.

“Dad! No!” You protested, why were he causing all of this.

“Mr. Y/L/N” A terrified small waitress approached all of you. “If you don’t stop this, we’ll need to call the police. You’re scaring the clients.”

He looked at the waitress rage in his eyes, your mom was there and did nothing to help you or stop him. He started to drag you to the exit, you tried to fight back. Your father pulled your arm strongly, making you groan in pain. Your eyes on Daryl trying to say a thousand things just with them. ‘I am going to be ok.’ ‘Don’t worry’ ‘I will come back for you.’ ‘Don’t give up on me.’ ‘I’m not giving up on you.’ ‘I love you.’

While you were dragged from the diner to the parking lot and then to the car, younger Daryl Dixon was frozen, unable to move. In pain. He had been humiliated many times in his life, but it never hurt like this time. He felt useless. He did nothing to stop him, so afraid of what he could do. He had lost you because he chose to protect people he didn’t even know deserved his consideration, but they were his family… he couldn’t just let it happen. That day would continue to haunt him for many years, and he would never forget the heartache it caused.

“And how this whole story changes my opinion?” DJ asked you, trying to stay firm at his point. It didn’t change his father didn’t look afterwards. Daryl was present while you told him all the story with no editing how your parents were despicable.

“Were you listening to me?” You asked your son incredulous; he was an intelligent boy, he shouldn’t be playing dumb. “Imagine, you had someone you really loved, but their parents didn’t like you, had a stupid prejudice against you, because your family wasn’t like the others. Those people tell you to leave or they’re going to kill your mom, me. They are prepared to pull the trigger at any moment. Would you let me die?”

“No.” He answered reluctantly, he didn’t like to lose. A stubborn little shit just like his father.

“It was nobody’s fault.” You said again. “I don’t expect you to immediately call him ‘dad’ or consider him your father, but I expect you to be open to getting to know him and respect him.”

“It’s ok, if he’s not ready…” Daryl tried to say, he didn’t want the kid to do anything forcefully, but you were his mother, you knew better.

“No, it’s not. You’re his father, you did nothing wrong. He shouldn’t be so resistant.” You stated, sometimes you thought you were too strict but in others you always felt that being a solo mom you needed to be.

“Ya can’t force the kid…” Daryl said, and he wasn’t wrong, but you sent him a sharp glance anyways.

“You see, listen to the old man.” DJ was playing with fire and he knew it, but he couldn’t help being like this when everything changed so much in a short time.

“Ok, enough. Both of you, do it like you wish. DJ, just stop blaming him. Ok?” You asked your son and hoped he would comply with it right now. Daryl’s group was new and you didn’t want them having a hard time because your son was unfairly rebellious.

“Ok, evil grandparents fault.” The teenager stated.

“I don’t expect ya to open to me easily DJ, but I’d like to know ya and I’d like ya to know me and see if I’m fit to be your father. Someday.” All of this was as new for him as it was for the kid. He needed to try, it was as if he had passed all those years waiting for this moment, as if he knew somewhere he had a son… it scared him as fuck, but from the moment he landed his eyes on the kid, he couldn’t stop thinking about HIS son. Also, the punch he received wasn’t something easy to forget. “I can teach ya many things and I know I can learn from ya too.”

“We can arrange it, Daryl.” DJ said, trying to sound more mature. It was strange the name Daryl rolling from his mouth and it being not to talk about himself. He kept the straight face, one more thing he got from his father and didn’t know, he didn’t want to show his true emotions, but deep inside he was a mix of excited and fearful.

“Baby, I think for the next part of the talk, you can go to your room. You don’t need to listen to it.” You didn’t want to tell him how it was when you discovered you were pregnant, the options your parents gave you, what you had to do… what you lived. You were pretty sure he felt everything inside your belly.

“Mom, I wanna know everything. Stop protecting me.”

Some weeks after your parents took you to Atlanta, you started getting morning sickness and your period was late, which made you freak out in silence with no one to vent about it. You could leave the house and use a public phone to call Daryl, but he didn’t have a phone at home, so no way of you communicating with him. If you were still with him, you could worry about it together.

You thought about running away and going back to him, but you couldn’t. Your father swore he would make his life a living hell if you did so and you didn’t doubt him, after everything… you knew what he was capable of. So you hid it. You hid your worries the maximum you could, until your mom started to suspect your constant sickness and resistance to eat certain foods.

One day she arrived at home, a bag from the pharmacy in hands and threw it at you. “Go to the bathroom, now!” She ordered, you looked at her wide-eyed, you hadn’t understood. “Don’t give me that look, you know what it is. Pee on all of them and don’t even try to hide it from me.”

In a short period of time, your parents had become strangers to you. You didn’t recognize them anymore. They scared you.

You took the 5 packs of pregnancy test to the bathroom and peed on all of them, once you finished, you opened the door and let your mom in. You sat on your bed and let she have her time with the tests. You already knew the results; you could feel it in your bones. You were pregnant. You were expecting Daryl Dixon’s child, and in the same way it brought joy to you… it scared you so much more, afraid of what could happen.

Positive. All five positive. A big positive.

Later that day your mother talked to your father thanks the gods she left you out of it, but from your room you could listen the choleric screams of your father. Then, they came to talk to you.

“We need to talk about what we are going to do with the thing growing inside of you.” Your father said coldly.

“The thing? It’s my baby. We don’t have anything to discuss.” You answered a protective hand on your belly.

“We’re not keeping a stray dog in this house.” You couldn’t believe that words came from your mother’s mouth.

“You have only two options, one you can give it to adoption and second we end this freak show.” That needed to be a nightmare, a sick joke… no way your parents were really making all of this.

“I-I need some time to think…” That was all you managed to say. There wasn’t anything to think about. You were keeping that baby, his baby, your baby.

“You have 24 hours to think about it. That’s all I’m going to give you.” Your father said before living the room followed by your mother.

You needed a plan, you needed to leave without they suspecting you. Well, there wasn’t many options for you in Atlanta… there was no Daryl, and your father knew you’d not go to him risking him destroying your lover’s life. Maybe they would let you go out a little to “organize” your thoughts.

You went from your room to your parents’ and knocked shyly on the door, soon you heard her voice telling you to get in. After this, you probably deserved an Oscar, you put your stupidest face, faking confusion and a little of worry, the last one wasn’t difficult to fake, you were indeed worried. You asked if you could go to the mall, as if you were a minor needing permission from your parents. They gave you a curfew and asked for you to go on your car, of course because they could track you down.

You changed your clothes and took a simple bag, with all the documents you had. You told them you were leaving with your “best” destroyed face and really left to the mall. You parked your car, but you weren’t staying there.

You took a taxi to the closest agency of your bank, you waited a little time to speak with someone and asked to withdraw all your money, all the money your parents had reserved for your college. The account was in your name, so it was yours. You took a part in cash and another in check, it would be easier to carry. You decided you’d open an account wherever you went and make the deposit of the checks once you thought it was safe, probably some time after your baby was already born. For now, the money you had was enough.

You left the agency, bought different clothes in a cheap store and changed into them. After it, you left to the bus station and there you’d decide your final destination. And that’s how you ended up in a small city in Ohio, pregnant, alone and working in a Café. Also, it was the place where you raised your son before everything happened.

“ ‘m sorry ya hafta go through it alone.” Daryl said once you finished telling the whole story. DJ remained silent. Thinking about how he could not be there if you had chosen your parents way, also he thought how he hated them even more that he knew everything.

“I wasn’t alone.” You had a small smile on your face. “I had DJ and I found some angels along the way.”

“After I left, I thought about looking for ya at your college, but… I thought you were better off without me.” Now his mind wandered back to the past and he could feel the emotions he had at the time all over again.

‘I’d never been better off without you.’, you wanted to say when you saw in his eyes the 19 year old boy he once was, but you couldn’t. “You’d never find me, as I never went to the university, so you would have frustrated yourself once more.”

You took a glance at your son and you could see there was a turmoil of thoughts and feelings on his mind. That’s why you didn’t want him to listen this part of the history, you knew your son… you knew how he’d get. “Dear… are you okay?” You took his hand over the table and gave a small squeeze on it. You knew he wasn’t ok.

“Yeah.” He managed to say, his voice broke. You could see he wanted to cry. You hated to see him like that. “I’m gonna go to bed. Night.” He excused himself fast and in the same speed stood up and hit the stairs. He was going to cry, he didn’t… he couldn’t cry in front of Daryl, his father. God, he punched the man some hours ago, and now he was afraid if he saw him being emotional he’d not want someone this weak as a son. He didn’t ever want a father, so why did he feel like he couldn’t do this? DJ was 17, almost a man, he used to say he would protect his mom, but now he felt under the weather because of the shit that happened before he was born. Maybe… he also felt it was his fault, but he never asked to be born, right? That wasn’t his responsibility, he tried to tell himself.

“I think I should go.” Daryl said feeling a little weird after DJ left. “Ya probably should check the kid. But I think ya know this n’ don’t need me saying…” he got up from the chair, why was he feeling all nervous now?

“Don’t worry. I’m gonna talk to him. I knew it would do no good he listening to this with all the details…” you stood up and even though the hunter had said he should go… you felt he wanted to say something.

“Why did ya give him my name?” He asked. You had sent letters saying you were expecting and he never answered the letters, because he never received them. So why name your precious son after the dumbass of father that technically didn’t want him?

“ ‘cause he’s yours… If your mind still works the same, I know you’re thinking you didn’t deserve this… that at the time you were supposedly a father that abandoned his son, but the thing is… I know you, Daryl Dixon, and I know you’d never do something like that. He was the last piece, the last memory I had of you.”

You said ‘I know’ not ‘I knew’ and that made Daryl feel nervous in a way he didn’t for a long time. There were years that you didn’t see him and you still thought his nature was the same, you still thrusted him even when he didn’t do anything the day before to show he still thrusted you.

You took him to the door and thanked him. Thanked him for what? There wasn’t anything to thank about when he was presenting to his father duties so late. He answered with a ‘ ‘s nothing.’, feeling strange and didn’t know well what to say or how to behave. He walked on the streets of Alexandria kicking every small rock he saw on his way, he wasn’t frustrated, maybe a little bit, his father never said anything and he and Merle had come back to visit him, even though the bastard didn’t deserve it. He could have said… He was thinking, about everything, mainly about his son, but he couldn’t help but think about you too. Before, you were all he knew and now you had a son together; Also, all that you went through all by yourself…

When he arrived the house that was given to his group, they were all gathered around the living room. If he was honest, he didn’t really want to talk, but he knew he’d need to talk with Rick, or Carol, or both of them. They’d ask for sure. And he wasn’t wrong, once he entered, Rick and Carol dragged him to another room. “What’s it?” He said in his hoarse voice, a little more annoyed than he intended to.

Carol rolled her eyes, but Rick was the first to speak. “How was it? Did you talk to the kid?”

“Ugh… yeah…” he replied scratching the back of his head. “I sorta talked more with her… in fact she was the one that talked the most. The kid was maybe almost as lost as I was.”

He gave them a summary of the conversation, because he knew they wouldn’t rest till he said something. It’s not like they liked to be invasive, but at least the little that Daryl was willing to tell they wanted to know.

“Brother, I can’t imagine how it must be for you. But welcome to the club, it’s not easy being father to a teen.” Rick tried to give Daryl his support and to lighten the mood he tried to joke a little. Daryl appreciated it, but there were so many things on his mind at that moment. “What do you think about the place?”

“ ‘m assuming they’re not crazy cannibals, but they’re weak.” It was visible, most of those people never had to put a hand on a knife or a gun to defend themselves. “ Y/N wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t good and safe.”

“Yeah, indeed they’re week. We need to adjust here and keep our eyes open. Are you sure we can trust her?” Carol knew that would be a delicate subject to him, but she needed to confirm.

“I know her, I trust her.” Daryl was resolute, he didn’t want to dictate all the reasons why he trusted you.

“You. Still. Like. Her.” Carol said a knowing smile on her face.

“Of course, she’s the mother of my child.” He said a hue of pink going to his cheeks.

“That’s not what I meant and you know it.”

“Ok, let’s not pick on him today. He had enough for today.” Rick not wanting to pick on him, that was new to Daryl.

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Dividers by @cafekitsune

[championofhoenn]

I Ditched My Princess Tiara to Become a Magical Prince

When I was six I distinctly remember crying until my mom let me wear overalls. I hated wearing shorts because I had to see my legs and was acutely aware of what kind of legs they were. I preferred converse instead of sandals so I didn't have to see my feet. I liked hoodies, because I wanted to look as androgenous as possible. However I liked long hair, but if I put it back into a ponytail because I despised it. Girls wore ponytails. Yet I liked my hair long. I wanted breasts, but I wanted them smaller (much, much smaller). If I wore a dress I appreciated the compliments, but I could only wear it for a few hours before it felt like I needed to light it on fire.

Baseball caps didn't feel right though. Tucking my hair in felt wrong. I slouched and copied how men walked (thumbs in pockets) and spread my legs when sitting. Basketball shorts I was ironically fine with because "boys wear them", but I preferred jeans. I didn't want to be a boy though. I didn't want to be a girl though. When I visited my dad, I would ask him multiple times, "Do you wish you had a son?" I wondered if he would prefer that.

I always got the same answer. "I don't know." That never satiated my curiosity so I would ask my mom. She gave me the same answer so I was stuck in limbo, never satisfied. However I could tell she was happy with a girl, but not with me specifically. She wanted a girl she could dress up. A girl she could shop with, try make up on with and talk about fashion. I hated all of that. I wanted my clothes to make me look like I could be either which was impossible. I was too...me. Every time I declined clothes I was labeled ungrateful and I couldn't tell them why. Ungrateful because a lot of people can't afford the kind of clothes my mom can get me. At the time I didn't know why myself. I just hated shopping and I didn't know why.

She would take me to the store and have me try on nail polish to see what it looked like. I was her test subject and no matter how much I begged and pleaded she said I was dramatic. Looking back I probably was, but I didn't know how to explain that I wanted to run away and never look back. That my brain was screaming, "YOU ARE IN DANGER. THIS ISN'T YOU. SHE'S MAKING YOU A-" The problem is I am a girl. So why was I so petrified?

The moment I could wash it off I didn't hesitate. I would go off to the bathroom and scrape it under the faucet until my nails were scratched and the paint was gone. It peeled and went down the sink. I didn't care who saw me at the Target. At least it was gone and in the end I would go into the bathroom I would cry until she called me to come back out. Then I would pretend I was fine. In the end I was always "fine."

A lot of things were "fine". School was hard, but it was "fine" and not because of the obvious things such as bullying and grades. It was "fine" because of when I was much younger than even middle schooler. Luckily for me, we had school uniforms which were gender neutral so I didn't mind, however my mom was insistent that I wore a headband pretty much everyday. I tore it off my head every day at school and stuffed it in my backpack. I played with more boys than girls, but my best friends were girls. Still I copied the boys mannerisms since we were at the age where it was still socially acceptable to be around boys and they didn't think you liked them.

There were times when it was hard. The boy/girl lines were the hardest. I remember hesitating during the divide and my teachers always telling me to go over to my appropriate line and my reluctance to go. The bathrooms made me stand for an extra few seconds every single time when I was very young because I wasn't led by my parents and I was foolish to believe I got a choice. In the end I always chose "my" bathroom. When I was young and with my dad he made an extra effort to find a unisex restroom for me and if not he would pick me up and rush me into the males bathroom. That's when I saw urinals for the first time. Of course I didn't see any difference in anatomy until years later, however penis envy will become something I will later learn as well. Dr. Freud was right after all.

I was blessed with a younger sister at eight years old and given another a couple years later. Being a big sister was a title I was proud to carry and I adored the term, never once shaken by it. My sisters and I did absolutely everything together and being close to them it was a privilege, never a right. My mom finally got what she wanted; daughters who she could dress up and be her little girls. They did just that and she was thrilled. She still targeted me at times, but she dressed them in matching outfits and I thought it was cute too. I made jokes to one of my sisters that she was meant to be a boy at birth. Now I joke that I was projecting. She found it funny at the time, but now she always says that she truly thought it was true. She always looked good with a backwards cap. She actually used to wear them and honestly, I was secretly jealous she could pull them off and I couldn't. I started to try even though at first I didn't want them. It didn't work.

I was thirteen when I got my period. I remember how terrified I was getting it. I screamed and my mom treated it like it wasn't a big deal. I feel like she could have handled it with a bit more grace, but I digress. Then I stopped getting it. PCOS is most likely the cost, but once I stopped getting it, honestly, I was elated. I walked around hearing all the girls complaining about how bad it was and knowing I didn't have to go through it. It made me feel like I wasn't one of them. That came crashing down when I realized there was a chance I couldn't carry my own child. That was the problem, children. I have always wanted to be a mother, the ultimate "womanly task". To be called mother was a dream of mine and the fact it could be dashed away from me all because of my body was absolutely devastating. I didn't long for the blood, but I longed for the end goal. I went to doctors, but no one knew what to do so in the end I went years.

At 26 I finally got it. No one knew how, but it's suspected it's because of my gallbladder surgery (how the two are correlated is a mystery), but once I got it I wish I hadn't. It's absolutely painful and heavy and honestly I wish I could go back in time, but I know in the long run it'll be worth it. Hopefully.

Marriage and children were goals I've always wanted. I liked the idea of being someone's wife. I didn't want to be a husband so I settled on wife and didn't look back on that term. However that begged the question? Why am I okay with some terms and not others? Even in books and manga I always saw myself in the perspective of the female who got married. There were some times when I saw myself in the perspective of the male, but there were certain circumstances. What they were I couldn’t tell you because I didn’t know myself.

Then I got to college and by then I was free of my parents and I could explore literally everything with gender identity being one of them. In my dormitory there was a guy who let me have some of his old clothes and I ended up wearing them around campus, but I felt ridiculous. His clothes were incredibly baggy since he was a body builder, but he was always kind and said I looked "really cool and very handsome". I remember positively beaming that day. My heart fluttered with pride when he said that, but it was all dashed away when I saw myself in the mirror and saw...myself. I felt like a child trying on their fathers clothes. Dress up. I wanted to rip up the shirts he gave me, but I calmly folded them up. I wore the baseball cap at least, but it still didn't feel right.

I would look in the mirror for years and look at my reflection. I would despise my body, my face, my figure. Absolutely everything. If God existed then he must have made me with a pen running out of ink. For years I would shower and wait for the steam in the mirror to slowly dissipate and pray that there would be a new me standing there.

There never was.

Then I met my ex girlfriend and she told me something I'll never forget. Something that I have carried me with me since. Something that sometimes I forget, but when I grasp it again it makes me feel a little better. She was the first person I told about how I felt about all of this. I told her I didn't know what to do. I told her that I was terrified of everything, because something struck me in that moment as I broke down in tears in her arms. What if I'm delusional? What if I don't actually feel this way and it's just my messed brain making me think this way? What if I'm just a tomboy or maybe just being influenced by media? How do I truly KNOW? I looked into her eyes sobbing and said, "I don't know what I am anymore? I need to know! I feel lost because I don't feel like ME anymore." "Why can't you just be you? Why do you need to label it? You are you."

I'm not sure why that made me feel better. Looking back I'm not sure if it was relevant to the conversation, but now it helps. In that moment all I knew was I needed to kiss that girl like she held the oxygen I needed to live. So I did.

However years later I needed more. I craved more. So I delved into the world of media again and came up with my favorite: manga. I knew that manga delved into sexuality, but what about gender dysphoria. To my surprise, yes! So I read and I read and I read. I ended up picking multiple and I found a lot several favorites, but my all time favorite for gender identity stars a non-binary character named Mogumo. "Love Me For Who I Am". To give the simple synopsis, Tetsu Iwaoka, who works at this cafe called Question! invites Mogumo to work there. The reason is because he thinks Mogumo is a crossdressing boy, however (like I said) Mogumo is actually non-binary which gets the cast of characters to learn more more about gender identity through Mogumo's eyes.

Reading this story (and others) made me realize that a lot of the things throughout my childhood was a universal experience. Mogumo talks about their experience with the distinct divide between boys and girls in school. They talked about how they prefer girls clothes over boys, but that doesn't mean that they ARE a girl because of it. You can have a clothes preference. I found another story ("Last Gender") where there is a non-binary character, but there is also a gender fluid character who describes themselves by percentages. They are more male than woman, but they dress back and forth. I found that to be interesting and I was particularly intrigued by that. I ended up collecting many, many stories that have to do with gender identity stories, because I wanted to learn through their perspectives as well as reading different books at the stores. It was genuinely very eye opening and validating to know that I wasn't the only one who had gone through a lot of these same things.

After consuming as much media as I could I decided to go to "the streets" aka Discord. I found a server that was LGBTQ+ and it helped sort out my feelings a lot. I spilled my guts out to them about everything I was feeling over the many years of my existence. I knew that I didn't technically NEED labels, but I felt it would help me so there I was trying to find one like a desperate man. I knew for sure I wasn't transgender though. Did I have penis envy? Yes. Did I want one 24/7? After much deliberation and thought the answer was no. It felt too weird and foreign on my body. I didn't want anything like that on me. In fact I went shopping with a friend of mine a couple years back and he had called me a "twink" (they are non-binary as well and they were getting their first skirt). I was trying on one of those long sleeve shirts that you can flap around and then I tried on a skull shirt with a tie and pants with a chain. Thank you Hot Topic for the edge lord clothes. Weirdly though the "twink" comment made me happy and it stuck. It was my nickname after that with them. In a weird way, I was finally recognized as a guy (considering it describes a gay man-kind of a weird way to see it but yeah).

That wasn’t all I tried on though. I tried on skirts and dresses. Pastel colored. It was my first time trying on something so girly and honestly, I loved it. I felt so cute. Never had I worn something so cutesy. I was confused and weirded out why I liked it but it was adorable. Pastel skirt. A strawberry shirt. Stockings. I loved it. I even wore it on my first date with my current boyfriend. I felt adorable and girly, but it just made sense. For the first time I was okay not looking androgynous. Yes I preferred that style, but looking cutesy like this was okay too. In fact, I ended I do have other “girly” clothes and I have “girly” hobbies and such. It’s just one of those things where I’m embarrassed to talk about it them. Almost like I’m afraid that people will make fun of me considering I’ve spend so much time building up my reputation being such a “tomboy” to people on the side outside.

Genderfluid came up at first which made sense. I felt more male some days and more female other days. That sounded like me and so I dusted off my hands. Mission accomplished gentleman, good work, lets get going home. Or so I thought. Apparently it wasn't that simple. I talked about how I wanted to bind my breasts (normal for this kind of thing). I talked about how being a girl is complicated. Be wary of guys since they all want one thing. Wear this. Act like this. You can't do this anymore. You can't play with THAT because that's for boys. So many rules. I found myself constantly thinking, "If I was born a boy, things would be easier, things would be better."

Then came the counter question. "Would you want to be called a boy the rest of your life?"

I thought about that for days. I looked at myself in the mirror and imagined stubble. I looked down at my body. I thought about the "twink" comment. I looked at the long hair I actually liked. I pinched my cheeks. I thought of the first name I liked. I thought of the fact I would always have to answer "male" on paperwork for the rest of my paperwork. I thought of the fact I would have to see urinals forever. That I would have a deep voice forever. That I couldn't just change it. Yet I hate how high pitch it is. I like to change it when I talk online to people. I'm sure people can tell, but at least I can practice. I like it to be more of a "softer boy" (whatever the hell that means). I think of how I would like my voice to at least be at least a few octaves lower though. I think of how I would like a penis for just a bit, but I could take it off whenver...

I came back and said no.

I wanted to dress androgynous, but I don't want to be seen as a boy yet when I'm seen as JUST a girl it bothers me. I want to be both yet neither. It was bothersome. How did I do that? For prom I wanted a suit. For my wedding I want a suit, but MAYBE I want a dress (strong maybe). I was tired of not knowing what I was and then someone suggested non-binary which I instantly shot down, but when they said it was an umbrella term the more I opened up to the idea. Non-binary means that you can fall into any category. All it means is that you don't fall into the category of being exclusively male or female. For my case I feel like I'm both. I feel like I'm both, but I just happen to like to dress androgynous and that finally made sense. I felt like a lightbulb went off in my brain and I finally let out a breath of air I hadn't realized I was holding. I just breathed and breathed.

When it was over I did what I always do. I wrote. I wrote for a long time. Around sixty pages to be exact. Sixty pages about my life about how I got to this moment and honestly it was worth it. When I finished no one actually read it. I read parts of it to various people, but no one read the full thing. I don't blame it. It's excruciatingly long.

I ended up coming out to several trusted people. Definitely not my mom and step-dad. They are confused about a few things when it comes to gender identity and because of that they aren't accepting. Being transgender they're perfectly fine, however anything else that doesn't fall into that category they don't believe it exists. Or they think it is media influencing people. They make comments about they/them pronouns which I try to shut down, but they just keep on joking and egging each other on and after a while I realize you can't stop weeds from growing.

I told my sisters which went fine. One said she already knew and in her phone I'm labeled as her brother. I'm very touched. The other said she wasn't sure if she could ever call me her brother, but she is fine with it. She said it was a big change which I understand. The youngest I haven't told. My dad I hinted at (telling him I was queer years ago at the start was a fiasco so easing him in I thought would be better) and he said that most likely I was confused and a tom boy. Maybe one day. However the one that I was really scared was my boyfriend and telling him had me shaking and brought me into a full on panic attack. I thought he would break up with me. I thought he would tell me he wouldn't be able to be with me, because it would change too much between us, but to my surprise he said it was fine. He asked me if I was going to get top surgery. I said I would get a reduction which he said was fine (although I told him it was ultimately my decision). I told him I won't be getting bottom surgery and with that it was over. With my fears extinguished we were the same as before.

Except he kept calling me the G word. Always. I'm not sure how I felt about that. Of course I didn't expect him to call me anything else. I wasn't necessarily mad though. It would have been a major change otherwise, however I felt a bit cheated. When I told him he asked me if I wanted him to call him "bud" or something. This got me a bit irked, but I told him never mind and the subject was dropped. Honestly, I wasn't sure what I wanted so I was frustrated at myself. What did I want? What were we now? A gay couple? A straight couple? Something in between? What did this make him now? Labels sucked.

I also wasn't sure for a while about the whole idea of what I would do about pronouns. Do I stick with my normal ones or change them? Again I mulled over that for days. Online I am mostly male with he/him, but a few say the other. IRL everyone says the other. I hovered over they/them and thought about it for a bit, but ultimately decided against it, but have recently gone back to it. It's a strong maybe now. For now though it's he/him/her/she.

IRL I am a "GIRL", however for eleven years online I've been a "BOY". I feel like an actor on a stage who plays both parts with a smile, but I play one more convincing than the other. Yet I want both to be true. I've dated a lot of people online actually and they fall for "BOY" (and this is even before I come out). I want to be clear that I did not catfish these people. It's just that my pfp's are always "BOY" and I suppose I carry myself as "BOY" so these people automatically assume. I usually don't realize until suddenly they say something telling about my gender and I realize they are assuming and I have to break the news.

Then I went through THOSE times. The times where I did "catfish", not because I wanted to be a true catfisher, but because I felt genuinely validated. Someone saw me as "BOY" and it felt good so I kept it going. Even on a phone call I practiced my voice and kept it as deep as it could go. Eventually we would break up due to something completely unrelated, but it felt good to be seen as what I wanted. Then there were those that wanted a "GIRL" and I liked those too. Those were the times where I actually didn't mind either. However they were always confused by my male portrayal and I told them I did it "for the aesthetic", but I know for a fact it threw them off and they seemed a bit on guard with it. However they liked me so they stayed despite that.

So I continue to play both parts. Online I am a boy. Here around people I know I'm a girl. I need to play the parts perfectly or they might guess. I can't let the two worlds collide or...well, I don't actually know what will happen, but still. It does worry me though. I feel like I'm on top of a crumbling castle and any minute it'll all come crashing down. People online have called me a chivalrous prince and funny enough I've gotten the "gentleman" comment from people back when I dated them IRL before. I wondered if people have always suspected.

In the latest election I also registered under non-binary? Well, more so the label says "Other", but I did it. I was shaking when I filled out the box, but I was proud. My first step into telling the world who I am. It's a small step, but it's a step.

I do love wearing my prince crown and I used to have one when I was little, but one thing I also love is swinging around a magical girl wand. It's actually a replica from a magical girl show (Cardcaptor Sakura-that show is amazing!). It would be nice if one day I could show everyone that I wear both my crown and twirl my wand at the same time. The best of both worlds. "GIRL" and "BOY".

[fizzingwizard]

families, politics

Apparently my dad is lately asking my mom if I really believe the (political) things I say on Facebook. Apparently he also told her (I mean I already figured this was what he thought, I just didn't know he'd said it out loud) that going to college turned me into liberal nut.

Where has he been the last.... at least twenty years lol

If anything "liberalized" me, it was friends coming out in middle school - waaay before college - terrified of telling their family that they're gay; another friend being kicked out of home for being gay; learning about historical figures who made amazing achievements and went unrecognized because they were female/black/poor; also, hell, just learning standard American history, about how Prohibition didn't stick and what it was like in internment camps and why the US sterilized people with disabilities... I have no need to be liberal. I do very much have a desire that we don't repeat the mistakes of the past. Or at least make as much of an effort to limit it as we humanly can.

Yeah, if anything "liberalized" me it was living as a my own thinking individual in a world that doesn't value that. I'm valued for my labor, certain kinds of labor being more valuable than others; I'm valuable for contributing to the population, regardless of my wishes or circumstances. My life isn't valuable by itself. Except it is infinitely valuable to me. And that's why I think a good nation's chief objective should be enabling the maximum number of people to live as freely and securely as they are able. Silly ideas about purity and the "right way" to live your one precious life, which doesn't belong to anyone but you, restrict freedom and security and are therefore wrong. I don't need to be a liberal. I don't need to be safe or secure or even free. I DO need to be WORKING TOWARDS THAT FUTURE.

Of course I believe the things I post. I think, if anything, I've been restrained. My dad posts incendiary things and many of them don't have links. If they do, they link to a far right source. Meanwhile I always source, and I make an effort look for news that attempts to be unbiased. If I read something in leftist news, I try to figure out where it's coming from rather than just react. But I do have opinions, duh. I'm prone to sarcasm but I don't think I've been rude. And even if I have ever strayed that way, my dad regularly posts about "libtards" and how stupid everyone else is. The lack of awareness is stunning.

I also know I could be wrong. I told my mom after the election: anything Trump does that is good, I will give him credit for. Doesn't mean I'll approve of how he did it, or forgive him for all the other stuff. But this is politics: there isn't just good or bad, as much as we might wish it could be that clear-cut. If he eliminates a bunch of corruption in the government that's fucking great. I want to be capable of acknowledging that, while also knowing it's totally fucked up to lay off a shit ton of people who now all will be competing with each other for the same jobs, and it's fucked up to present DEI as a discriminatory practice towards white men when its entire foundation is ending discrimination towards marginalized groups. It's fucked up to try to relocate Palestinians away from their homeland. It's fucked up to say you'll turn Gaza into a resort. These things can all be fucked up and be done by the person who gets rid of government corruption. And yes, they weigh more strongly with me - because they'll echo for a long time. Meanwhile the recently cleansed government will 100% become filthy again in no time at all. So. There's that.

Anyway, it's not fun to find out your dad hasn't taken you seriously ever. On the other hand, he recently posted about All in the Family and how Archie Bunker was so right. When I was a teen we joked that my brother was Meathead. Maybe it's me :P After all, if my dad thought that show was a reflection of reality (rather than a parody), he would have no time writing off my opinions or my mom's. The little women are just talking, after all. Once my dad made a foray into trying to become a youtuber. We thought he'd made music. Instead he made a talk video in which he monologued about how annoying women are when we talk. He thought he was being funny. He didn't like being "canceled" when my mom and I were not particularly amused. That's the thing about free speech. You can say what you want, sure. But no one else has to like it. Why is this concept so damn hard? lol.

Funniest part of all would have been a punch line about how my dad is by far the biggest talker in the family. He's so tuned in to how much time my mom spends catching up with her sisters and caring about how their lives are that he doesn't notice how much time he spends talking at her and not listening to what she says... Small wonder they're divorced.

My policy with my dad is no politics. There's no way we can have a relationship if he's going to insult what I believe. I don't insult him. I've watched him get totally bent out of shape because other friends/relatives said something not so nice, while never acknowledging the straight up rude stuff he's said to their faces which provoked them. He's always just "speaking his mind." They're always "being jerks." If he can continue to talk with me without bringing up politics, fine, but I'm worried that with things being as fiery as they are that they won't. Even I have a line not even family gets to cross.

[riddlersmalewife]

Hey bbg, can we get some head cannons of Em

Love, Ur fav 😘😘😘

YES WE CANNN!!!

so I’m gonna do my fav head cannons of him that I can come up with …

So three days later I am coming back to this but I found one I thought was fun to do is if Emmanuel was a problem child , good , or in the middle !

So Emmanuel was an interesting case in middle school and high school, he was always spoiled but even knowing that he was still a very well behaved teen …….until we got to science oh when I tell you Emmanuel hated science not only the subject but the teacher and the smell (till this day he still can remember the smell of that room). Emmanuel would act up so much in that class , he got so bored that he would bully kids (not kids that already got bullied,like maybe jocks actually depends on the day)that they had to switch his class so he would be with a different teacher, and different class with different students.

I would say Emmanuel was in the middle during these two periods of his life, he was a cocky little shit and wasn’t humble at all he made sure you know he was better then you not only in school and athletics but in money to well when your dad and mom are probably the most richest, famous and feared people on earth I mean you do have bragging rights! But he was a nice , kind , thoughtful kid when it came to things he liked or people !

A lot of people would say he was mean (still is ) because of how overly protective and aggressive he was towards his stuff or anything he deemed to be his weather that was a person, pencil or animal if you touched it in a anyway shape or form ….just know you were going to end up with a broken finger and a black eye .

But on the contrary he was very giving , he loved grifting some people thing and giving charity never would say no , he did love helping people if his friends said they were struggling at home he would secretly ask his dad to send them money so the next day he could see his friends so happy and excitedly tell him that someone mysteriously gave their parents moneyso they were okay now ! He loved seeing people he cares or cared about happy , he loved doing his work and helping out younger kids in sports or being a language tutor for Korean or helping a younger child with instruments he never cared !

He was always a A+ student never a grade under 95 % (maybe in science…..he really didn’t give af about that ) .

Now when he was in elementary school……..He was a monster , teachers wished and prayed they didn’t have him in their classes not only was he a spoiled brat but he was a cocky smartass (he was really smart for his age skipped about three grades ) which didn’t unfuel his ego but he was raised to be like that . He was a bully in the period from 2-4 he was just a meany , he didn’t talk to anyone , didn’t play with anyone and if he wanted something he was going to get it no matter what .

But he was a sweet heart to some teachers he had over the years in elementary school there was one teacher who took the time to learn Korean for him because all he could speak was broken English and let him each lunch in there with his friends (he only had two around this time ) he acted like he didn’t care but he was still a kid who loved attention and loved to get praised !!

All throughout of elementary school some kids and adults thought he was a troublemaker or a spoiled brat who need a whooping (not wrong) but the other half thought he was a sweetheart from heaven and just the kindest friend or kid ever …..both are true about him but to him it didn’t really matter.

He surprisingly loved school especially in middle school his favorite years he had and when he was in elementary school he surprisingly loved science…don’t know what happened with that one but yeah !

So after all the break down of some of his child like years he was and in the middle child or just a normal kid (that’s where I would put him !!) , tell me where you would put him !!

꧁❧❧❧❧꧂

Well I wanna do some other topic about him so feel free to ask !

[polyamorouspunk]

is it wrong that im like. i dunno. sad bc my gf didnt make me anything for christmas.

i love her to death and shes great im so lucky i have her and technically we never discussed gift giving but i kind of assumed? we're long distance so like physical stuff was mostly off the table but i drew her and a bunch of characters she loves and wrote a little letter to her and just sent her pictures of that. and the whole week before today she was talking abt how she was drawing and making stuff for all her friends (i even comforted her bc she was worried people wouldnt like them but i said it was a really sweet gift) and then this morning when i sent it to her she liked it just fine but said "sorry i didnt make u anything" which is fine i shouldnt have assumed but we've been together for nine months now so. and i figured cause i sent my gift pretty early she'd maybe use some of her free time today to even make a little doodle for me but she didn't. and then an hour ago went to bed with just a "im tired. goodnight" which is unusual for her ? i dunno i dont want to sound entitled but im just. sad.

Okay so! I actually had a very similar conversation with my therapist this week about gift giving and feeling entitled.

So, my thing the past few years I’ve had a job and my own real money (aka not what my mom put in my bank account so I could like. Eat while going to school and stuff) my thing has always been I want to be the kind of gift-giver I always wanted in my life.

I do not think it is unreasonable for a child to wish they had better presents, and I’m NOT saying my presents were all bad. I got a scooter for Easter one year, I got an Xbox for I think Christmas, I got an American Girl Doll one year for Easter… so like I’m not saying “boohoo me”, because like I remember someone I was friends with a few years back telling me she had a hard time relating to her peers growing up because they would all talk about video games like you know Wii Sports or Mario Kart, something in theory like everyone had experience with at some point in their lives, kind of cultural moments you know, but she was too poor to ever afford things like that. But at the same time, you know, I remember going over my friends houses as a kid, and they had big houses with pools and big TVs and… you know you could tell that we were lower middle class and they were a bit more medium middle class. Same thing with my family as I got older. When I visit my family in Pittsburgh, they have very large houses and are very middle class. They can afford lots of trips and things, etc. So no, I don’t want to “boohoo me” but I think as a child that’s reasonable. All this to say, I wanted to be the gift giver that I wanted as a child. So I have been SPOILING people. I mean I spend $100+ on my mom for presents the past 3 years. I got my gf enough presents to fit in the box I was sending. I just kept going out and buying more and more until the box was full. I started buying Valentine’s Day presents for my gf while I was Christmas shopping. I always got my younger cousins something for their birthdays.

I talked to my therapist where I was like. I almost feel like shopping for people has become a compulsion. And that’s dangerous. I made a joke in a server I’m in that I said I was done buying my mom presents and then I bought her 5 more and someone was like “do you really love your mom or do you really love presents” and it’s like well of course I love my mom but I just really like buying presents. And my therapist was like hey. If this is really bringing you joy, and you are aware of the dangers of overspending and keeping it in mind, then what’s the harm? If you can afford it and it makes you happy that’s not a bad thing. And I’m like yeah you’re right, I just worry it’s gonna get out of hand, but I’m keeping an eye on it because of that worry.

But another thing I brought up to her too was disappointment in gifts I was getting because it made me feel like people don’t view me the way I want them to, and that ties into my gender. My therapist was like what was one present you got this year that really hit the mark and made you feel seen, and I was like Key got me a Pennywise patch. I’m like I love being the horror person. I love being seen as that. And my therapist was like okay what was a present you got that kind of missed the mark? And I was like. Well my mom got me pumpkin spice pancake mix. Because I like pancakes and also pumpkin spice. Which is true. But like.

My mom has also missed the mark a few times before which has caused tension. Like during Covid she got me a Wii for my birthday and I was like. Why do I want a Wii. And she was like so we can play games. And I was like. So you just wanted a Wii to play games and used my birthday as an excuse to get it even though it’s not something I’m interested in or want whatsoever and I’m not going to touch it. And surprise surprise it just sits there.

My mom got me card games for Christmas too and it’s like. We don’t play card games. I mean she at least made sure to get one that’s 2 player since it’s just us, but like. We don’t really play card games with each other. That’s not something I’m interested in doing with her. She wants to play card games with me so she got my card games for Christmas, just like she wanted to play Wii with me so she got me a Wii for my birthday. These things do not reflect me in any way.

And my therapist told me it’s understandable, especially when it relates to like gender, not feeling like you’re seen and being disappointed in that.

All of this to say, it’s not so much the “I didn’t get the gift I want, sadness” or “I didn’t get a gift, sadness” entitlement as much as it’s an issue that’s much deeper rooted, and something like this brings it to the surface.

You’re not upset because you didn’t get a gift. You’re upset because someone you put a lot of effort into put a lot of effort into other people and none into you, making you feel like you don’t matter as much in their life as other people. Like you are not worth their time and effort. And then as if that wasn’t enough, on top of that, they seemed very blasé about the whole thing.

I do not think it is “entitled” to expect someone to put as much effort into a relationship as you are giving, and it’s reasonable to be disappointed when they seem like they don’t even care that’s the case.

You do not sound entitled. You sound completely reasonable. And I’m really sorry you feel that way and things turned out that way. That honestly sucks.

[my-castles-crumbling]

hi it's fearless anon

i really wish i could say it but they'd take it the wrong way and as it is things between us aren't in the best shape atm and i just don't want to make it worse. a few days ago though like long story short basically my mom said that "we've never had a problem with you being gay and we've never tried to put you in boxes or said that you can't be gay we just want you to keep an open mind" and that just annoyed me but we were in the middle of an argument so like i didn't say anything because it would just make everything worse. and one of my mom's close friends who was her roommate back when she was working abroad used to date girls and apparently had a very serious relationship with one of them but since she ended up marrying a man my mom is like "see things can change look at ___ she ended up marrying a man" and i know for a fact that my mom knows about bisexuality so for her it's just like i could still like guys and i don't rn bc i haven't really interacted with many of them.

when i first came out to my mom she also told me not to tell other people in school and not make such a big deal out of it so i wouldn't get labelled if things (my sexuality) changed later on. she kinda didn't want me to tell my friends either but anyways quite a few people know now and i'm not worried. i think this whole thing kinda has to do with the "you're too young to know" both of my parents subtly implied when i came out to them.

like they're not homophobic but they just don't think i should label myself now but newsflash for them i'm absolutely sure that i'm gay and it just pisses me off when they say shit like that.

Hi!

I definitely understand why that pisses you off

I mean I know they're not outright homophobic but this still isn't okay. It seems like they're trying to act cool while really encouraging you to be in a hetero relationship, and that feels icky.

Aside from challenging their ideas, I feel like there's not much we can do. But I'm sorry they're acting like this and I'm glad you know you deserve better.

[rainydaycafe]

A Shaken Espresso, Please - Ch. 3

Pairing: Professor! Stephen Strange au x OC fem! graduate school student (and barista)

Summary: Professor Strange has a reputation that proceeds him and a finicky taste for off-campus coffee. Enter a graduate school attending barista. This is their story.

Warnings: age difference (older Stephen), mentions of sex, insecurity, and an inhumane amount of fluff with tumultuous thoughts

A/N: use your sexy mind to send me prompts if that pleases you and I will fulfill them. ily.

Chapter 2

Life seems different now since, as it turns out, before Stephen life had been almost… lonely. 

The seemingly endless monotony in the repetition life had presented prior to which consisted of early morning lectures stretching into late night readings with work and life in the middle has been altered. 

Stephen Strange, not Professor Stephen or Professor Strange- just Stephen. 

Stephen who has an affinity for criticizing terrible medical scenes in movies yet remains quiet when one is getting particularly interesting. 

The same Stephen who fills her apartment with the sound of his typing on quiet evenings where they silently agree to get some work done before indulging in dinner and a movie or two. 

Jazz music has become common in her home, both of them sharing music with one another whenever possible. 

A couple of times a week Stephen will receive a quick call from his mom asking for an update, her own special way of making sure he’s alive and well. Emilia watches as Stephen paces, eager to get off of the phone but still patient with his mother’s conversation as he gently touches the items on Emilia’s bookshelves or rests his head in her lap as though he’s done it for years. 

Yes Emilia has friends and they’re quite nice, but this is different. 

It’s a different connection entirely. 

Stephen 8:00am: 

I can’t believe I stepped foot in the Starbucks on campus. Not only was it absolutely jam packed, they got my order wrong. It tastes like a battery with lemon juice on it. 

Emilia 8:10am:

I’ve never been there but it always makes me itchy to think about going in because it’s always so full and busy. I feel for the employees, though. 

Stephen 8:12am:

Itchy? 

Emilia 8:14am:

I mean the thought of it makes me skin crawl. I can’t believe I have to break that down for you. Your lack of English training shows. 

Stephen 8:16am:

Excuse me? I have a PhD and an MD. I’m very well trained. 

Emilia 8:19am:

You have a PhD and an MD? I would’ve never guessed. If I ever need a tutorial on how to do burr holes you will be my first call. But you still couldn’t decipher what I meant by itchy. 

Stephen 8:24am:

“Makes me itchy” is not a real thing. 

Emilia 8:25am:

It is a real thing because it’s a metaphor. I’m applying “itchy” to something that can’t actually be “itchy”.  Ha! Ha! Ha! 

Stephen 8:27am:

I can’t believe you’re trying to prove me wrong while I’m preparing for my 9am lecture. You’re distracting me. That makes ME itchy. 

Emilia 8:30am:

:o 

Emilia 8:30am:

I was allowing YOU to distract ME from my class. But now I’m being accused of being a distraction? Fine! Good luck with your itchiness, Stephen! 

Stephen 8:33am:

I was simply telling you about my morning trip to Starbucks and then you turned it into an attack on my “lack of English training”. If anything I should be miffed at you. 

Stephen 8:37am:

Come back. You haven’t wished me good luck with work today, 

Stephen 8:40am:

Come back honey. 

After two classes Emilia had gone off to work her daily shift at the cafe, biting back a smile when she saw Stephen step into the cafe at his usual Monday time. 

Knowing his order, Emilia began preparing it before Stephen could finish paying, feigning innocence as he walked over to her with narrowed eyes. 

“Any particular reason I haven’t received a message back?” Stephen asked. 

“Hello to you too, Dr. Strange,” Emilia said as though Stephen were any other regular customer, “I haven’t needed help with burr holes so I thought there was no reason to,”

“Oh really? Well I didn’t think I needed to be educated on metaphors and being itchy but yet here we are,” Stephen responds. 

“It was so much more than being itchy. It was a take on my social discomfort but it flew over your perfectly groomed head,” Emilia says with a sigh, “Tragic,”

Stephen smiles, watching as she dumps his drink into the cup before pouring in the perfect amount of half and half as she had begun doing the second she learned his order. 

“You look very beautiful today,” Stephen says, absolutely aware he’s schmoozing her- but hey, it works. 

This catches Emilia off guard as she pauses in the middle of snapping the lid on but she smiles at him and hands it off to him. 

“Thank you. You look very handsome,”

“You flatter me,” Stephen says, mixing his drift with well practiced swirls, “Are you free tonight? I’d like to have you over to cook for you,”

Something about being invited into his home is surprising to Emilia, and it catches her off guard almost entirely. 

It’s not something that had really crossed her mind as she had been busy imagining other things, but never Stephen’s home or what it would actually be like. 

Being invited into the sacred space which was someone’s home was special and it was intimate in its own way since it was where they spent the most time and likely felt the safest. 

“I’d love to. What time?” Emilia tells him, stamping down the nerves she feels. 

“What time are you off here? Do you want to go home or do you want to go straight from here?” Stephen asks, genuinely giving her either choice. 

“I’m off at 6:30 today and I think I’ll just go straight from here to avoid any delay,”

Stephen smiled his genuine smile and nodded, “Perfect. I’ll text you the address and I’ll see you there. Don’t even think about asking if you need to bring anything because this is all me,”

________________

Emilia knew Stephen had money. 

Afterall, Stephen was a well respected, very well qualified professor at a great university so she knew they had to be paying him well. 

The actual sight of the money was surprising, especially when Stephen opened the door and gave her a tour of his very, very nice apartment. 

2 bedroom, very spacious, and just about every person’s dream when it came to the absolute killer view it had of the city with the huge windows that lined the walls of the living room. 

“I hope it’s okay that I’m making baked chicken with veggies and baked potatoes,” Stephen said, leading them to the kitchen where he put both the tray with chicken and vegetables alongside the tray with foil wrapped potatoes. 

“Of course it’s okay. I would eat cereal if you made it for me,” Emilia said with a smile. 

“We have some time to kill, do you want to watch a movie?” Stephen asked as they began heading towards the couch, Emilia agreeing to watch Good Will Hunting, one of Stephen’s favorite movies. 

It was easy to become fully immersed in the movie, not really noticing the way Stephen would glance at her time and time again, feeling content with the evening and what was to come with the both of them just spending time together. 

“So he’s a really smart underachiever,” Emilia observes about 25 minutes into the movie, turning to Stephen who tells her it’s an extreme oversimplification but agrees nonetheless. 

Her attention turns to him, reaching out to rub the blunt tips of her tails through the soft hair at the back of his head, ignoring the movie as she wonders what kind of hair products he uses since he has nice hair and must take care of it.

Stephen turns to her, ignoring the young Matt Damon in favor of leaning forward to kiss her and satisfy the temptation he’s had since he laid eyes on her again. 

A kiss hello wasn’t enough, and he hoped it never would be. 

They had kissed before, but this was deep in a way they hadn’t touched before with their chaste kisses. 

Bringing her closer, Stephen tilted his head to the right as Emilia did the same, following his lead as their lips moved in tandem together as the movie continued on in the background. 

Her hands grip at his shoulders as Stephen works her lips open with his tongue, catching her off guard, opening up hesitantly to have her tongue meet his as he gently moved so they were both reclined back.

Stephen kisses her again, deep and intimate as her legs fall open and he settles between them, the evening stubble that’s grown on his face tickles and burns in the best way possible. 

The hot press of his tongue against the roof of her mouth has her running her nails down his back settling on his lower back, realizing this is the first time she’s ever had the heavy weight of a man on top of her, 

Stephen pulls away only to begin kissing down her cheek and towards her neck, something she’s never thought about in terms of how it would make her feel. He sucks deep on her neck, Emilia whining despite her self control, pressing against the back of his head. 

Kissing her hot and deep again, she hears him murmur, “Don’t be shy, baby, let me hear you,” in a deep, husky, out of breath voice that snaps her back to reality in a second. 

“Stop, stop, stop,” Emilia says, tapping her hands at Stephen’s shoulders, and he does. He quickly moves off of her and sits back, looking concerned as he worries his lower lip watching closely as Emilia sits up and attempts to regain some composure. 

“Was it too much?” Stephen worries. 

“No I-” Words fail her and she looks through the window out towards the expansive city and recollects her thoughts which isn’t much help as she ends up blurting, “I don’t want to have sex,”

“We don’t have to have sex,” Stephen said calmly, evidently sex not being an uncomfortable subject, “We don’t have to have sex until you’re ready.”

“Okay. Good. I just don’t want to do it when there’s dinner waiting and- and- it’s all in a rush because I don’t think I can do it in a rush. I’ve never done it at all before so I don’t think doing it in a rush is a good way to be introduced,”

Stephen watched her ramble with an amused expression, biting back a smile. 

“You’ve never had sex before?” Stephen asks, his voice laced with amusement. 

“No,” Emilia answers, feeling out of her depth for what has to be the thousandth time and she blushes because it’s uncomfortable and she feels childish for finding it uncomfortable. 

“That’s- really? I would think you had,” Stephen asked, genuine surprise in his tone as he asked. 

“Why? Do I come off as someone who has had lots?” Emilia asked, acutely aware of how people’s perception of her might impact a lot of things. 

“No!” Stephen says quickly, “Not at all. You come across as very reserved and respectable. I just mean; have you looked at yourself in a mirror? I thought it was a miracle you were single so I never considered you never having had sex,”

“Oh,” Emilia felt flattered, “Well no. Nobody’s ever- I’ve never- I’ve never been intimate with someone, before. I just never found the right person or the right time and before I knew it, my undergrad was over and I hadn’t dated anyone or had a one night stand. How about you?”

“Have I had sex before? Yes. I’ve had sex- well I won’t say a lot because I wasn’t ever easy or careless, but I’ve had sex before,”

“Okay,” Emilia says as she’s unsure of what to say so she avoids his eyes. 

Stephen allows her to simmer in the silence he knows she finds uncomfortable for a few moments more before speaking again. 

“You don’t have to be embarrassed. We don’t have to do anything you’re not ready for or anything you’re not 100% comfortable with. I like spending time with you and being with you. I’m not just here because I am interested in what you offer physically,” Stephen confessed and Emilia felt lighter at his confession, relieved. 

Looking down at her hands for a moment she nodded eventually. 

“Okay. I’m sorry for freaking out. I just got overwhelmed with it all,” 

“Apologies are for when you’ve done something wrong. Something that needs to be excused,” Stephen says with a wave of the hand, “We have a bit until the food is ready so let’s watch the movie, okay?”

There was about 20 minutes left and they filled the time with watching the movie and sharing comments here and there, but before long Stephen had served their plates as Emilia served both of them water. 

Originally Stephen had planned for them to have a nice wine with their dinner, however the way Emilia scrunched her face involuntarily at the mention of wine had nixed that idea quite quickly. 

“Have you dated a lot?” Stephen asked as he sliced into his chicken, “Any serious relationships? Spiteful ex-boyfriends I should be wary of?”

“No, thankfully there is no dangerous psychopathic ex-boyfriend to be aware of which is a bonus. There were a couple of dates during undergrad but they were never anything serious; both because I didn’t want to be mean,” Emilia confesses, smiling when Stephen chuckles a bit, “How about you?”

“A few ex-girlfriends but none are dangerous. There was Maya in undergrad. We dated but it was never anything life altering. We were together about 2 years, but when I graduated we both mutually knew we were done and it was amicable. I think she’s a lawyer now,” Stephen explains, “Then there was Isabella. I- we were quite serious. We met in medical school and dated throughout, going to the same hospital for our internships and I wanted to propose to her since she was good enough, I suppose is the way to put it,”

“Good enough?” Emilia asked. 

“I don’t mean to say that I was settling but I was, if I’m being honest. I knew that if I were ever going to get married I needed someone who understood the difficulties of my job and how demanding, all encasing, and stressful it was,” Stephen continued, “I loved her, but I was never truly in love with her. But after the accident I was really hateful and just angry at the entire world and universe so I just took it out on everything and everyone for a while. Isabella and I broke up but it was for the best. I don’t think I would’ve ever been truly happy had everything gone as planned,”

“I see what you mean. You saved the both of you from being in unfulfilling relationships,”

“I did. Were you never interested in relationships?”

“I won’t say that I wasn’t, but my dad passed away when I was 14. It was very sudden and it tore my world apart, ripping it to shreds. Everything was upside down and nothing was okay for a long time. This was during the time when everyone is dating and exploring all of that but I was caught up in grief and loss, trying to process and live in a world devoid of my dad when I had never been without him,” Emilia says softly, “I felt such tremendous loss that there were days I felt I couldn’t breathe. Eventually things got better and I went to therapy, but by the time I left for college I had shut away into my own world, keeping few people closeby, and I liked it that way. Plus I never felt anything exciting for anyone regardless,”

“I understand. Losing anyone, especially a parent is a life altering experience,” Stephen said, “I’m sorry about your dad, really. But I think it’s really special how you have his name as your middle name,”

“It’s okay. You don’t have to apologize. I’ve come to terms with it. I still miss him but he’s with me always,” Emilia said with a smile, “I’m happy to be here with you. I’m glad we are in each other’s lives,”

There was a lightness and a sincerity in her tone, the way she said the words so easily and with such affection, Stephen felt a deep burning in his chest that settled in his stomach, providing a warmth that was unfamiliar but welcomed. 

“I am too. I’m glad that you didn’t let my reputation dissuade you,” Stephen confessed, “It isn’t a very welcoming one,”

“I don’t work in the science department, silly. I had never heard of you before I met you directly,” 

_____________________

Though work got in the way of being together physically, they always found time for one another even if it was just a phone call. 

It’s just always nice to know someone is thinking about you and that someone wants to talk to you. 

“Today one of my students got upset with another during the ethic’s course about the moral qualities of testing on animals like chimpanzees and such,” Stephen explained from where he was at his desk. 

“I would not like to be in that lecture hall,” 

“Why not? This course always has heavy conversation for the mind,” Stephen offered. 

“He always has heavy conversation for the mind, which means a lot to me cause’ good men are hard to find,” Emilia sang, earning a laugh from Stephen who recognized the song, “But anyway, it’s just that I just can’t even fathom not crying while discussing that,”’

_______________-

Feeling like a fool was not something Emilia was unfamiliar with. 

Middle school had been full of the sensation, but she had hoped to be past it but life had other intentions it seemed. 

In an offhand comment, Stephen had mentioned a craving for double chocolate cookies; mentioning a bakery near his childhood home had the best ones but he had never tasted cookies again after moving away to study. 

Against the effort the heaviness in her eyes did to send her off to sleep, Emilia went into her closet to carefully take out her dad’s handwritten cookbook to find his recipe for double chocolate, fudge cookies. 

It hadn’t been a recipe Emilia had tried before since she wasn’t all too fond of chocolate, but for Stephen she found herself weighing out flour at 11pm, excited and feeling more awake at the prospect of Stephen feeling excitement for the cookies. 

Dozing off on the couch while the cookies chilled for half an hour hadn’t been a part of the plan, but by 1:30am Emilia was setting the final batch of cookies onto the cooling rack and heading to her well awaited bed. 

The hours Emilia craved were not available since she had both work and class, but sleeping in was a luxury only for the weekends. 

Packing up Stephen’s cookies nicely, Emilia placed them in the bottom of her bag and went on with her day, knowing she would see Stephen later on when he came to the cafe for his Monday coffee pick-me-up. 

Constantly checking to make sure the cookies hadn’t somehow exploded or crumbled into dust happened more than she would admit.

Classes went by quickly and she found herself fixing her apron and finding herself behind the familiar coffee counter that she found an odd amount of comfort in. 

Comfort in structure, it must be .

By the time Stephen came around, Emilia had already brought the container with his cookies up to where she could grab it and hand it to him, so when she saw him her heart spiked a bit and she smiled despite herself. 

The smile painting her features only faded when she saw him hold open the door and continue chatting with a very pretty woman he had brought to the cafe. 

There was an odd and deeply sinking feeling Emilia felt in her chest, pausing for a moment before she caught herself and began preparing the coffee she knew he’d order. 

However when Stephen and his companion got to the register, he sent Emilia a smile and ordered something completely different, opting for a cold brew with a splash of sweet cream at the insistence of the woman he was with. 

Everything felt wrong and Emilia felt wrong as well, as though she had stepped into an alternate universe but she soon told herself she was being exaggerated. 

Christine 

That was what the cups Maggie sent Emilia’s way told her, and it all made sense and connected in her head, delivering a blow to her she hadn’t been expecting. 

Shit. 

Turning around to fill their cups with their identical drinks, Emilia took a deep breath and told herself to take a breath because she was not going to cease to exist because of this. It was just another order. Nothing more. Nothing less. 

Thoughts ceased to exist, however, and Emilia ran on autopilot as she went through the ministrations, reaching underneath the counter to grab the sweet cream from the refrigerator. 

Stephen stood where he always stood which was near the bar but for the first time she wished him to be far away.

“Hey there,” Stephen said with his casual smile and Emilia sent him one back, but he knew something was off in an instant. 

“Trying something new today I see,” Emilia commented softly, eyeballing the amount of sweet cream before grabbing the lids and snapping them on securely, sending them on their way to the pick-up counter. 

“Christine was insistent I try the cold brew here,” Stephen explained, grabbing both drinks as Christine came over to grab hers, “This is Professor Palmer,” 

Oh. 

So this was the woman Stephen had gone to dinner with a few weeks prior. 

She was every bit beautiful and poised as Emilia had imagined her to be if Stephen had taken her out. 

“It’s nice to meet you,” Emilia said with another empty smile, grateful to the universe when Christine excused herself to go look at the pastry display which had gone unnoticed by her earlier. 

“Are those cookies?” Stephen suddenly asked, bringing his attention to a container on the back counter, a neon pink sticky note attached to it. 

The embarrassment and need for the earth to swallow her whole became stronger and Emilia quickly grabbed the container and handed it over to Stephen who looked surprised. 

“I remembered you mentioned wanting the double fudge cookies and I had a bit of extra time last night so I baked some,” Emilia played it off as though she hadn’t lost precious sleep for a man she had just come to realize she couldn’t even call her own. 

“I- you’re so thoughtful,” Stephen said with his eyes full of affection, “Thank you. Really. I’ll call see you later,” 

Emilia nodded mutely, waving half-heartedly as Stephen left with Christine, disappearing out of view and leaving her feeling as though she had gotten punched in the stomach by a boxer. 

A well trained boxer at that. 

Their Monday night dinner plans at Emilia’s apartment weighed over her head even heavier now. Stephen had never stepped foot in her apartment and she had been nervous about it before this entire experience 

Finally losing the tension in her shoulders, Emilia was surprised to feel a humiliating burn behind her eyes before her vision was blurred with tears she couldn’t hold back. 

It was empty so an escape to the staff restroom was easy, and she rested her hands on either side of the sink and took a few deep breaths before she got a look at herself in the mirror. 

Stephen had never mentioned them being something exclusive.

This was on her as well for allowing herself to fall into the miscommunication trope she disliked reading so much in romance novels. 

“He thinks this but she thought that”

Emilia knew that Stephen was an attractive, successful man so it was only going to be a matter of time before she no longer served to fill the space interest in his life and needed to be replaced. 

She hadn’t thought it would be so soon, and she was fully unprepared for the deep sadness she suddenly felt overcome her. 

It wasn’t an unfamiliar feeling, but it was still unwelcomed. 

Wiping her eyes, she assumed what little dignity she had left and exited the restroom to continue her shift after washing her hands. 

Because while she might feel like her chest had been tap danced on by a neuroscience professor, work remained to be done and caffeine demanded to be handed out so she continued on with her work day with the ever lingering shadow of her thoughts surrounding her. 

______________

On their own walk back to campus, Stephen smiled as Christine mentioned Emilia. 

“Going for the younger generations I see,” Christine teased. “What is she in undergrad?”

“Oh ha-ha you’re just so funny, she’s getting her masters” Stephen corrected, “Add comedian to your resume,” 

“I just might. You can add “crib snatcher” to yours. It’ll add to the mysterious aura you have,” 

Rolling his eyes, he couldn’t help the laugh that came out because it had been a good joke. 

“She’s not in the biology department is she?” Christine asked as they stopped to wait for their turn to cross the street. 

“No, she’s studying English,” 

Christine looked genuinely surprised as she turned to look at him, “Really?”

“What?” Stephen asked with genuine curiosity

“You’re dating an English major? I would have never thought,” Christine said, evidently sent off into a thoughtful world at the thought of it. 

“Don’t exaggerate,” Stephen said as they began crossing the road and Christine scoffed at that, knowing she was in the right. 

“Stephen. You make it a hobby of yours to belittle any line of study that isn’t in the “useful sciences” as you say. I vividly remember you saying that the humanities is for the people who can’t fathom using their brain for something other than reading sentimental words written by people with too much time on their hands,” She deadpanned. 

Okay so he does remember saying that because while he had an eidetic memory- it had been a few days before meeting Emilia but he was free to have a change of heart. 

“Well I’m entitled to have a change of heart when it comes to the humanities and their studies,” Stephen tried and Christine laughed again. 

“Yeah. Especially if that change of heart comes in the form of a pretty girl who’s enamored by you and your arrogantly charming ways that somehow got through to her,” 

Stephen scoffed, “I’ll have you know I’m not an ass to everyone I encounter,”

“No but you’re arrogant, Stephen. Everyone knows that you are as arrogant as you want to be so I’m just saying that it’s surprising to see you dating someone who is younger and isn’t a gifted neuroscientist in the making or is involved in the science field somehow,”

They were both quiet while Stephen attempted to settle his thoughts and Christine felt proud for having shut him up for a few moments by proving herself right. 

“She doesn’t care about our world, Christine. She doesn’t care about who got what funding, who has done what research, or who is breaking new ground.” Stephen eventually confessed once they were closer to campus, “I didn’t know but that’s what I needed. I don’t need someone who is obsessed with potential success or who is constantly reminding me of what could have been. Emilia is neither and she’s a bright spot in my life,” 

Christine looked genuinely surprised, and she admitted as such. 

“This is the first time you’ve ever spoken about someone this way,” Christine said as they both stopped before they parted ways, “You’re maturing, and if this is Emilia then she’s good for you,”

Stephen’s response was just a smile and a shrug before they went their separate ways, Stephen’s thoughts a mix of his upcoming lecture and Emilia. 

__________

Work had thankfully not dragged on as there was a conference going on around the corner so there was a steady stream of people the remainder of her work day for which she was grateful. 

Busy hands and minds don’t allow for too much free thought. 

On the short walk home, Emilia had made a small detour to her favorite grocery store to buy spinach and canned tomatoes for the dinner she had been planning to make for herself and Stephen.

Preparing for dinner, Emilia leather thoughts slip out towards Stephen. 

Perhaps it was all because of sex. 

The little “freak out” she had when they had kissed on his couch had probably let him know he wouldn’t be getting anything sexual with her anytime so he must have thought to get it elsewhere. 

Then again it was unfair to think about Christine as just his sexual escapade since she seemed to be a woman who would demand more out of a relationship than just sex. 

Not that there wasn’t respect in sex but-

Good God her thoughts were all mixed up and she couldn’t tell her left from her right. 

Now she was even thinking about the respect Christine had for herself. Of course she did. All women had respect for themselves and she knew that, but her thoughts were so entangled she was thinking out of her ass it seemed. 

It all could just be narrowed down to the fact that Stephen might just be playing the field and Emilia had been the fool all along, thinking that there had been a serious relationship between them without it ever being explicitly verbalized. 

There was nobody to blame here and it was something to be aware of. 

Except for herself maybe. 

You just got your hopes up. Emilia thought to herself as she bit into a slice of an apple she had sliced, expecting Stephen soon. 

Though she’d never admit to Stephen, Emilia listened to Girl Crush by Little Big Town to feel at least a little bit better. 

“I want to taste her lips, yeah ‘cause they taste like you, I wanna drown myself, in a bottle of her perfume,” Emilia sang along, feeling as though she were ready to be in a romantic drama. 

The wait for his arrival was short, his knocks served as a reminder that she was supposed to be chopping spinach and not daydreaming about this or contemplating that. 

Opening the door, Stephen stood on the other side looking casual, handsome, and with a lovely bouquet of flowers; his face soft and his eyes so inviting Emilia felt she could’ve burst into tears right then and there. 

“Hey, come in,” Emilia said, smiling as Stephen handed her the flowers and reached down to take his shoes off, remembering Emilia’s mention of never wearing shoes in her home. 

His kiss hello was soft and sweet, and she wished she could stay there forever but she pulled away nonetheless. 

“I’m making vegetarian pasta, I hope that’s okay,” Emilia said, gesturing over to the kitchen which was next to the front entrance. 

“I’ll eat anything you make,” Stephen said, watching as Emilia went over to continue chopping, excusing himself to look through her apartment in the way only intimate partners and friends are allowed to. He relished that. 

Books lined a wall in a nice bookshelf, photos set here and there on empty shelves which he inspected. 

Some photos of a younger Emilia sat there, one was of her with what had to be her dad. They were identical in the way that daughters and fathers are, she had his eyes and the kindness in them was there for both of them. 

Emilia couldn’t have been older than four or five in the picture, both of them resting their heads against one another and grinning at the camera in the unashamed way only children know how to do. 

“You were in jiu-jitsu?” Stephen asked, admiring the photo of Emilia wearing a dark blue jiu jitsu gi, holding up a green belt with a proud grin on her face as she held it up to the camera, her hair in two braids he assumes were messed up during training. 

“Oh yeah. My dad owned a jiu-jitsu academy and I started training as soon as I could walk,” Emilia said with a smile, “I was apparently a natural,”

“Did you enjoy it?”

“I did. A lot of parents assumed I was only training because my parents were forcing me to do it but I genuinely enjoyed it. I took a couple of breaks here and there and my parents were never upset about it,” Emilia explained, “I stopped when I was 14, though. I only got to that green belt,”

“Why?”

“Because my dad passed away a few weeks later and I just never wanted to do it again. It was something I couldn’t do without him and I just didn’t find it fun anymore so I stopped,”

“I’m sorry,” Stephen said sincerely and Emilia smiled at him. 

“It’s okay. You didn’t do anything wrong,”

There was a beat of silence before Stephen spoke again. 

“It’s been over 10 years since you trained, right? Do you think you could still kick my ass?”

Emilia laughed a genuine laugh, “Stephen. I was on my second to last belt at 14. I could have you on the ground before you knew what was happening,”

For some reason, Emilia was very attractive to him at that moment. 

Next to that frame, there was a photo capturing an older version but still younger than now Emilia, standing with both her mom and dad on a pier somewhere. Probably 12 or 13, she looked as she did now and as she had in the other photo, but with that adolescent insecurity and shyness that plagued everyone during that stage of life. 

Much to Stephen’s surprise, at the top shelf there was a framed black and white photo of Harry Styles showing his teeth in a way he found odd. 

“Is this Harry Styles?” Stephen asked, pointing to the photo and Emilia flushed and bit and nodded. 

“Yeah. It’s a good photo, I like it,” Emilia attempted to defend lightly. 

“I don’t know. I’m kind of offended you don’t have a framed photo of me up there,” Stephen said, staring at the photo as though it were personally offending him by merely existing. 

Emilia gave him an unamused look, “I don’t see a framed photo of myself in your apartment either. Curious, isn’t it?” 

“You haven’t been in my apartment in a few days. You don’t know what I’ve done in terms of decor in a week,” He defended. 

“I do know because you would’ve told me,” Emilia responded, adding the spinach into the pan to get it cooked down and sauteed. 

“Perhaps. But either way, you’re the background on my phone so that’s more than you,” Stephen said with an accomplished smile, liking how he had won the back and forth battle. 

“I am not,”

“Yes you are,”

“You’re bluffing,”

“You want to bet?” Stephen asked, “I’ll bet you cleaning up after dinner. If you’re right then I’ll clean up, but if I’m right you clean up,”

They stared at one another, daring the other to prove the other wrong. Willing the other to back down. 

Stubbornness was something they both shared, it seemed, so neither wavered. 

“Fine, I’ll take that bet,” Emilia said, letting the wooden spoon she was using to jostle around the spinach down in favor of turning to face Stephen who reached into his pocket as he walked over to her. 

Setting down his phone facing down, he slid it over to her and she met his gaze before reaching for it and flipping it over, tapping the screen to have it light up to reveal Stephen’s background which was in fact a photo of her. 

Not what she would consider to be a flattering photo by any means- it was her work focused on God knows what, completely oblivious to the fact that Stephen had been taking a photo of her. 

“Oh,” Emilia says, staring at the phone, seemingly dumbfounded by this new information. 

Nothing was making sense. Stephen had her as his phone background and that made her heart soar. Maybe this was the way people dated? She couldn’t be entirely sure since she wasn’t exactly well practiced in the area and she didn’t want to ask in case the answer was a painful one. 

“Well I guess I’m on dish duty,” Emilia finally said, handing Stephen’s phone back to him and he saw something off with her, but he didn’t ask right then. 

The rest of the evening passed in the same way; Emilia was there and she was present, but at times her thoughts drifted elsewhere and she seemed much more subdued than he had seen before. 

Stephen noticed, but he didn’t say anything as he thought she was caught up in her own thoughts with school and work.

It wasn’t until they were on the couch, Stephen having relented and washed the dishes as Emilia chose something for the both of them to watch, when he brought up her mood as she got lost in thought once again, a sadness glazing over her eyes as she did. 

“What’s on your mind?” Stephen asked, resting a hand on one of the legs she had extended over his own lap, “Don’t tell me that it’s nothing because I know that it isn’t. You’ve been thoughtful all evening. Too thoughtful, even for you,” 

Dammit. 

“Oh it’s nothing bad, I’m just- I don’t know,” Emilia responded, losing steam before she even started speaking. 

Stephen turned so he was facing her, “C’mon. I know it’s something that’s weighing on you. You can talk to me about anything, Emilia,”

Looking down, Emilia pulled her legs towards her and brought her knees towards her chest, willing herself to say something, for once. 

“Seeing you with Christine- or well Professor Palmer made me feel silly. I thought that we were something serious and exclusive but I guess I had been willfully ignoring the fact that we aren’t, ” Emilia confessed, “I- I just can’t do that casual dating situation. I feel too strongly to just be okay and casual about you going out with other people and finding someone else- someone better that’s more well fitted. You know I’m way too emotional to pretend I don’t care. I cried last week when we watched Wall-E,”

This was genuinely surprising to Stephen who had expected to hear that she was overwhelmed with work and school piling up, or that she was behind academically. Their relationship being something that plagued her negatively hadn’t even crossed his mind. 

“Emilia. Sweetheart you’ve got it all mixed up in that head of yours,” Stephen started, but when Emilia was on a roll in terms of rambling it was difficult to get her to stop fully and she hadn’t heard him at all it seemed. 

“I know that it might just be sex with her but that doesn’t make me feel any better. I think it actually makes me feel worse,” Emilia said, continuing on as though he hadn’t spoken at all, “So if that’s what works for you I’m sorry, but I just- I’m not that girl, Stephen. You’re a well respected professor and you want someone on your level but I can’t just be a placeholder for that person,”

“Wait- what? Emilia. Shut up for a second,” Stephen said, effectively getting Emilia snap her jaw shut and listen for the first time since her whole rant started, “You’ve dug yourself into a hole that is completely unnecessary, Emilia. I am most certainly not seeing or much less sleeping with Professor Palmer who is just a friend of mine. We only went to that dinner together because we’re in the same department and her fiance was out of town,”

The silence felt deafening to Emilia. 

“Oh,” Was what she finally said, feeling embarrassed and ashamed, unaware of what to say. In that moment she wished the earth would swallow her whole and spit her out on another continent. 

“I wish you would talk to me instead of working yourself up,” Stephen confessed softly, “But I also know that you aren’t very experienced with relationships so I should take that into account as well so I’m sorry for that,”

Emilia quickly looked up at him, “No you don’t have anything to apologize for. I should’ve talked to you instead of being stupid,” She told him quickly, degrading herself in a way Stephen didn’t find amusing. 

“Don’t call yourself stupid. You’re not stupid but your comment about me wanting someone who was “on my level” was stupid because you are on my level. If I didn’t think you were, I wouldn't have ever given you the time of day. I know that you know about my reputation and it’s there for a reason,” Stephen told her, maintaining eye contact, “You excite me. You’re intelligent, quick as a whip, kind, beautiful, sensitive, and destined for greatness. I am lucky to be around you, not the other way around,” 

Taking time to digest the comments, the only noise in the room was that of the movie playing through the room as they both reminded quiet. 

“I’m sorry,” Emilia suddenly apologized, her gaze anywhere but on him. 

“You’re sorry? What are you sorry for?”

“For taking things out of context? For jumping to my own conclusions,”

Stephen shook his head kindly, “You should only apologize when you’ve done something wrong. You haven’t harmed anyone aside from yourself,” 

Glancing at his watch, it was a quarter to nine and they had both spent plenty of time indoors for one day- Emilia especially as she had worked herself up into a fit about things that weren’t even truly happening. 

“C’mon, let’s go for a drive,” Stephen suggested, standing, “We can stop somewhere for dessert,”

Emilia hesitated, “But you’re going to be tired tomorrow and you have a 7am lecture,” She reminded.

“Well luckily I know this really beautiful barista,” Stephen said, holding his hand out for her to take, “Now, let’s go. I want to hold my girlfriend’s hand and show her how she’s the only one in my life,”

There was no room for argument.

____

A/N: sure I disappeared for a while but I'm back! blame summer for my absence.... but this is 7k words so my due diligence is done.

Tag list? : @diabaroxa @vi0letdaze ily

[bi-bard]

sharing my coming out story because it's pride [and because i don't think it's on here]

Hi.

My name is Kyli aka bi-bard. As my username suggests, I am bisexual. I have been out publicly for a good number of years now, but my coming out story actually occurred before I started posting my writing on tumblr.

So. In honor of pride month, I wanted to share my coming out story.

I realized that I was bisexual in middle school. I was scared and confused. I had never truly questioned my sexuality before then. But once I started to do that, I couldn't get myself to stop.

I have been very fortunate in my life. I come from a family where I know that the people who matter the most to me would accept me no matter what. I was luckier than most and I am entirely aware of that.

However, that knowledge and awareness didn't stop me from being terrified about coming out and telling people who I was. I was still incredibly aware of how people online and those around me a day-to-day basis could act and think. I wasn't sure if I would be safe in the community that I had to be a part of due to where I lived or in the community that I had found such comfort in on the internet.

So, that fear kept me pretty quiet for a while.

I came out to a few friends at the time, who were also part of the community.

I would like to focus more on my family than anything else.

I came out to my older sibling first. I was met with a huge smile and a request to tell one of their friends. My older sibling also helped me when it came to coming out to my parents.

My original plan was to give each of my parents a letter.

I slipped my dad's letter in his jacket that he took to work at the time. I didn't think he'd find it until he was at work the next morning.

That didn't happen. He found it while he was in the driveway.

I was getting ready for school and he knocked on my door and told me that he accepted me and loved me. I had to sit in my room for about twenty minutes so I could calm down and stop crying.

Along with that acceptance, he asked that I don't give my mom a letter.

So, I didn't.

That night, I came out to my mom. I was crying and shaking and it was not a fun experience. She was also incredibly accepting and we ended up having a really great discussion about how sad it was that I had to be in tears in order to tell her.

Unrelated note: my goal is still to get my mom to watch Nick's coming out scene with his mom in Heartstopper because that shit was almost a direct translation.

My final step in my coming out journey was the internet. As mentioned, I was already writing on Wattpad at the time. I sat with this quick draft open for ages before I finally got the nerve to post it. Those who did respond to it were incredibly kind and incredibly accepting.

My hope with sharing this story is to provide some comfort for people.

Coming out is scary no matter the situation. You could have the most accepting people around you, but that doesn't change the internal fear. You are not alone in that fear and you are not dumb or overreacting for experiencing.

You get to decide the timeline that your coming out journey follows. You get to decide who to tell and when to tell them. If you feel pressured into coming out to anyone around you, then you are around the wrong people.

And finally, you are not defined by the stereotypes of your sexuality. You are not defined by how others use those stereotypes to shame, fetishize, demean, or reject you. You are an individual with a million and one different pieces and your sexuality is only one of them.

Thank you for reading this whole message. Thank you those who have followed me and accepted me as who I am.

I love you, I support you, and I wish you the best of luck in whatever your self-discovery brings next.

Happy Pride!!

[sagesilentfire]

SAMATFOE Short Story

So the short story I promised in my s5 preview is here! It's a Creative Writing project, that I had a lot of fun with.

You can also read it on AO3

This is about Toffee and their relationship with Necahua, their sibling, and Cayeto, their dad.

A/N: This is part of a much, much, much larger story that I intend to finish this year. I've been working on it since senior year of high school, and it means a lot to me. But as I was writing the final volume in this five-work (each novel-length) story, I realized that I had a part of the story I didn't have room in my outline for. The story was already full to the bursting, tying up character arcs for over two dozen characters, and I didn't think this quiet story that introduced and gave the story for yet another character who was only passingly referred to in the text as an example of how ghosts could go wrong was quite... economical. But then my creative writing teacher gave me the opportunity to write a story of my choosing, and I had a huge one right here. So have a short story in play script (I like to write in play script for fun) where I re-explain the relevant parts of SAMATFOE for the uninformed, except it's through the eyes of the people who were antagonists (not really villains) for most of the story and the main characters and plots are only referenced, unless you count Una'met a main character, which I do. So one main character.

And yes, the project is a fanfiction. But only one of the four characters is from the canon.

Familial Love and Other Distractions

SCENE ONE

Open to a small cramped office only taking up half the stage. Centuries' worth of clutter lies around the floor, the bookshelves, and the large desk ending at the middle of the stage, mostly paper and stone tablets, all covered in script in a distinctly non-English language. There is a door on the side of the stage opposite the desk, blocked by some papers, but that clearly can be opened wide enough for someone to slip in. There is no wall opening towards the dark middle of the stage, instead the massive desk walls off the room. UNA'MET CO'TZIN-NEKOHTZACA, a young-looking lizard person in a black dress and veil, sits at the desk, trying to come up with a plan. UNA’MET’s emotions, regardless of context, are deliberately subdued. Their smiles are half-smiles, their anger is understated. Their disapproval is obvious, but still more exasperated than actively disappointed

Enter NECAHUA CO'TZIN-NEKOHTZACA. The sibling resemblance is uncanny, though Necahua is a ghost, in pajamas and an ill-fitting adult's cloak. They are the opposite of their sibling: emotional and passionate. The few times they are quiet is when they are remembering a painful memory. They cross their arms.

NECAHUA: You've been in here for hours. Are you not preparing for battle? I could help you, you know. (They say this in Septarian, but through the Magic of Theater!!!, everyone can understand it)

UNA'MET: (sighs, turns around halfway) No, we're not preparing for battle. I don't expect Star to be as trigger-happy as Moon was. I am preparing a lesson plan. 

NECAHUA: Right. Teach the princess all our secrets and then once the alliance breaks down, she'll know how to beat us. You can't trust promises made by Butterflys.

UNA'MET: That's not the worst way to die. And if us living don't get our act together, our deaths will be far more agonizing than yours could hope to be. If you're just going to whine about how Star Butterfly broke a promise one time, then please leave, or I'll demote you so hard you'll wish you were guarding my storehouse.

NECAHUA: Fine, but you've been doing nothing but write in your journals for ages! Our moms are worried about you. 

UNA'MET: I'm fine. Sílthéy will tell me when Star is close to arriving. 

A chord on a piano strums. It sounds like a chord that could conceivably exist, but a very esoteric one. A spotlight shines down on THE NARRATOR, a large, fiery blue and purple dragon, at a piano in the other half of the stage. 

NARRATOR: Hi.

NECAHUA: How the hell did you get a piano in there?

UNA'MET: Don't worry about it.

NARRATOR: (at the same time) The Magic of Theater!!! (Pause) It's been too long since I told a story like this! For the audience's reference, this one (points at UNA'MET) is the last survivor of the destruction of Old Septarsis. We are currently in New Septarsis. Fucking colonizers couldn't keep us down. Also, we can swear in this story, because I've abandoned all pretenses of this one being for kids! Fuck! Ha!

(NECAHUA coughs)

NARRATOR: Please, I'm getting to that. I am the guardian Dragon of Septarsis Old and New. Necahua (points) is Una'met's sibling, who died protecting them when Una'met was only six. Necahua themself died at fourteen, and boy do they act like it.

(NECAHUA growls, but UNA'MET shoots them a venomous glare) (Not literally, their glare isn't actually venomous.)

NARRATOR: Una'met is now the defender of New Septarsis, commanding an army of ghosts against their colonizers and performing magic while I am incapacitated for... reasons. They have two wonderful mothers and a father, who all died protecting them. Which is why Necahua's here. Neca?

NECAHUA: (sighs, to UNA’MET) Dad wants to see you.

UNA'MET: (weary) Dad always wants to see me. You want to keep promises, Dad wants to see us. It's what you do, fixating on the ways you died. He's been calling me constantly for eight hundred years. 

NARRATOR: Via the psychic group chat.

UNA'MET: If you have to put it that way, sure. Via the psychic group chat.

NECAHUA: Yeah, but you haven't seen Dad in person in over a year. Xo-Mom says you're overdue, and so does Te-Mom.

UNA'MET: I don't have time! I've sent Dad enough reassurance from our mental link. And dealing with him is... exhausting. If he wants to see me, let him. But I'm not stopping my work to see him, or the entire world will pay for my mistake.

NECAHUA: Oh, there goes the big old martyr! You're the most important fucking person in the world, and the worst part is you're right! You're so important, and smart, and grown-up, and I'm just your dumb, reckless sibling who makes promises with liars and then gets mad that they lied. I'm your sibling, and you still sentence me to an eternity of guarding your shed!

UNA'MET: Yes, and I'm not sure you'll even get that right. Tell Dad I'll visit him when the current crisis has passed. A crisis, might I remind you, that will destroy the entire multiverse!

NECAHUA: Fine! I don't care! Goodbye! 

(NECAHUA exits via the door)

UNA'MET: (growls, turns back to the desk, puts head in hands) Idiot... doesn't even care...

NARRATOR: (leans in) You really should see Cayeto.

UNA'MET: (moves veil to glare at NARRATOR full-force) Don't you start.

NARRATOR: Oh, I absolutely will. Starting is my job. You could clone yourself, you know. Do both. Poor Cayeto... dying out of love can absolutely fuck someone up, and when Necahua died, half of his motivation for staying just up and vanished. He's left a half-afterlife, wanting to protect Una'met at all costs, but ignoring or attacking everyone else. 

(UNA’MET rifles through the papers on the desk, not seeming to find what they’re looking for)

UNA'MET: I know you're just saying this for the benefit of the audience you'll later tell the story to, but it is kind of irritating when you repeat things I already am far too aware of. 

NARRATOR: I thought you might need a reminder. Go visit your dad. Clone yourself. 

UNA'MET: That is magically costly, and I don't know if Cayeto would recognize an extension of myself.

NARRATOR: You could have me take over. I've been wanting to add Remedial Magic For Morons to the reading list.

UNA'MET: Absolutely not. I don't want the princess to hate me for a stupid decision you made.

NARRATOR: Now you're just making excuses.

UNA'MET: (snorts) I wasn't that time.

NARRATOR: Aha! You admit it! But really, why won't you see your dad?

UNA'MET: Don’t you already know?

NARRATOR: Fine, keep your secrets to the audience. But I know them all anyways... I want to hear your opinions in your voice.

UNA'MET: I'm glad you value my opinion, but your future audience will have to stay in the dark until the current crisis is solved.

NARRATOR: Ugh. You're really not going to say anything are you. No soliloquies? No deep introspection in iambic pentameter?

UNA'MET: (sighs) Go away, Sílthéy.

NARRATOR: Fine.

(UNA’MET returns to work, lights dim)

SCENE TWO

Open to the same cluttered office taking up half the stage, but the other half shows a city full of stone buildings and winding vines, no piano in sight. A few RANDOM EXTRAS sit around the scene, reading books or eating, without moving on or off stage. The wall behind the desk has been restored, and now clearly delineates the office from its surroundings. UNA'MET remains at the desk, though the clutter has shifted around a bit. 

A loud wailing echoes through the stage. UNA'MET looks up, startled, and then exasperated. They drop the book they were reading.

UNA'MET: Seems Cayeto decided to come see me.

NARRATOR: (popping in from the door) You did say that was an option.

UNA'MET: I'm surprised he left the remains of the house. Taulitza, this could be dangerous. I've already had to dampen his magic.

UNA’MET, despite their assertion that this could be dangerous, does nothing to prepare besides standing up. They are used to danger.

NARRATOR: Yes, using a spell you yourself devised! You are very brilliant. 

UNA'MET: Please don't flatter me. (Pause, realization) Do you go bragging about me to everyone? No wonder Necahua is sick of hearing about me. 

NARRATOR exits, closing the door.

The wailing increases. A pounding on the door. UNA'MET sighs, very "You're really testing my patience", and opens it.

Enter CAYETO CO'TZIN-TOLANÍA. He is a large lizard person with saber teeth and a ruffled blue mane. He wears pajamas. A bright red ribbon cut into pieces wraps around his neck, and he is a ghost.

UNA'MET: Hi, Dad.

CAYETO: Una... I needed... you're alive! You're alright.

UNA'MET: I'm fine. In perfect shape. You saved me, you succeeded.

CAYETO inspects UNA'MET, poking them to make sure they're corporeal, not a ghost. UNA'MET fails to repress a flinch. It's been a long time since they've relaxed around their father.

CAYETO: A little tired, but that's fine. I'm so happy you're okay. Where is Necahua? Did they make it out?

UNA'MET: (Pause, deliberating) Necahua isn't here now. You can see them later, when you're at the house. You need to go back to our house.

CAYETO: Yes! I need to keep you safe. (Grabs UNA’MET’s arm.) Putting you in the cellar like we planned worked, so you've got to get back to the cellar now. That will keep you safe.

UNA'MET: (carefully extracts their arm) I can't go to the cellar right now, I need to work. I'll meet you at the house soon, okay?

CAYETO: Oh... okay.

It seems like UNA'MET has won. They managed to deal with their father without expressing a single emotion. But as CAYETO floats to the door, it opens, and NECAHUA and THE NARRATOR enter. 

CAYETO yelps. He approaches NECAHUA, realizing that they are a ghost. UNA’MET glares at NECAHUA and THE NARRATOR. THE NARRATOR is unaffected.

NECAHUA: (waves awkwardly) Hi, Dad.

CAYETO: What did they do to you? Was it her? (Gestures at THE NARRATOR)

NECAHUA: No, it wasn't her. I've been like this for nearly eight hundred years, Dad.

CAYETO: Knew we couldn't trust her! She killed you!

NECAHUA: No, Dad, that's not what happened!

A rumble of thunder outside. The RANDOM EXTRAS outside sigh and take out umbrellas. Seems something MOMENTOUS and IMPORTANT is about to take place. It's just ANOTHER TUESDAY.

Meanwhile, CAYETO is raging. He, via telekinesis, tosses a stone tablet at THE NARRATOR, which shatters on impact.

UNA'MET: My research!

NECAHUA: That's what you're worried about?

UNA'MET: Well, Sílthéy's fine.

THE NARRATOR gives a thumbs up.

CAYETO moves to throw another tablet, but UNA'MET stops him. 

UNA'MET: Hey. You always told me the value of talking things out peacefully. Let's talk. (To NARRATOR, in a language they both understand but CAYETO doesn't) Leave as soon as possible. (In Septarian, a white lie) Dad, Necahua is fine. They died a peaceful death. Sílthéy is a friend of theirs. Let's talk about me. I'm trying to come up with a lesson plan for someone.

CAYETO: No, no, you should talk to Tecoloa about that. I'm no teacher. (THE NARRATOR exits via a trapdoor in the floor) But... how can I help you? I need... I need... to help you live.

UNA'MET: (calm, gentle) You can help me, by going to our house. I'll meet you there.

CAYETO: Oh... yes, I'll do that! I will, I will!

UNA'MET: I'll see you there.

CAYETO exits via the door

NECAHUA: You snapped him out of it. I could never do that.

UNA'MET: (crosses the room to NECAHUA) Necahua, you are fourteen years old. Dealing with your parent's mental state is not your job.

NECAHUA: I've been fourteen for centuries. I'm tired of it.

UNA'MET: I get it. 

UNA'MET finds a clear area against the wall and sits down on the floor, leaning back.

UNA'MET: You know, I imagine sometimes what it would've been like, if Septarsis was never destroyed. I'd be a small family medicine doctor, and you'd be a world-renowned thespian. You'd come home once in a blue moon to tell me about some award-winning play you're putting on for the Council, and I'd be like, "Cool! I diagnosed a guy with cancer today. Can't tell you anything about the person, confidentiality and all, but it was horrible."

NECAHUA laughs. 

UNA'MET: I wish you were the one changing the world, not me.

NECAHUA: Is that why you're so angry with me all the time?

UNA'MET: Angry. That's not how it is at all. It's just... you died for me, just like Cayeto. You died when we both should have lived. I wish you could have lived for me.

NECAHUA: Oh. If Dad had two anchors...

UNA'MET: ...he might be...

NECAHUA: Yeah. (They run their hands through their hair. They look at the shattered stone plate. They pick up a shard.) I'm sorry about this tablet.

UNA'MET: It's fine. (gets up) I've seen Dad, what should I do now?

NECAHUA: What?

UNA'MET: To hang out with my little sibling. 

NECAHUA: (Indignant) I'm older than you! (A telling pause) Let's go to the marketplace. I can't eat, or drink, or wear anything but pajamas, which I am very upset about, but I can give you the fashion advice you so desperately need. 

UNA'MET: Excuse me, I am not taking fashion advice from someone who died seven and a half centuries ago. 

NECAHUA: Fashion is timeless.

UNA'MET: It really isn't. Let's go.

The two leave out the door. A few moments later, they emerge into the outside, laughing and bickering. The sun shines.

[joyglass]

morgann how are you enjoying hoo? any miscellaneous thoughts? that percabeth snippet you shared sent me right back into middle school 😭 i remember actually not minding rick’s third person writing, and enjoying it when it seem to be a problem for other people. honestly my qualms with the series was the plot but it did give me son of neptune so!!!

very big agree. i actually prefer third person!!! also im on the TOA 😭😭😭 i finished the original pjo and HOO in like a week LMAO i kinda wish RR had kept it 3rd person for TOA. anyway so im just going to use this ask to word vomit everything that struck out to me rereading the HOO series

nico has skyrocketed to my top 3 favorite characters in this reread. i sympathized with him feeling like an outcast who doesn't belong to camp jupiter or camp halfblood. he's even stranded from the time period he was born in. i just think he deserves the world and happiness!!!! especially since he got so much flack from other people. like don't get me wrong i do think part of it was nico's own attitude of assuming the worst that got in the way of making friends but also. he's the youngest of all of them. and he's suffered unimaginable horrors. at least percabeth had each other when they were stuck in tartarus 😭 he is the saddest character to me. mom dead. lives out 70 years of his life in a magic casino. sister dies. tries to talk to mom and/or sister. neither or them answer him. makes one betrayal that he later regrets. except percy doesn't really forgive him even though he's plays a huge role in winning the titan war. figures out he's gay which is just another reason he'll be ostracized. goes to tartarus. gets put in a jar and almost dies. the seven have to debate on whether or not it's worth it to save him :/ gets outed by cupid. and that's literally not even half of it. i love him SO much. he can do no bad in my eyes. that's my son.

speaking of nico. his relationship progression with hades >>>> i do think RR somewhat changed some of it to make hades into a better dad. but i actually think hades has a better relationship with nico than poseidon does with percy. like i think ppl forget that nico actually goes to the underworld on a regular basis and eats dinner with his dad and extended family lmfao. hades also gave nico a zombie chauffeur AND told him that he'd prepare a room in his palace in case nico dies 😭 hades is just that Parent i guess

THERE'S NO ANNABETH ATHENA CONFLICT RESOLUTION AT ALL which i personally find annoying. i wish we had like one scene of annabeth with athena at the end of HOO. athena tells annabeth she's a failure of a daughter and basically curses her into retrieving the athena parthenos. she SUCCEEDS but falls into tartarus. they fight together but i need an APOLOGY from athena.

SON percabeth reuniting kiss scene is the scene of all time to me. nothing will come close to annabeth and percy making out and then annabeth judo flipping percy onto the ground. your favs could never.

jason jason jason jason jason....jason is MY greek tragedy. there's a reason why i think nico and jason work really well together and it's because they both know what it feels like to be untethered. nico is an outsider. jason has to choose between camp halfblood and camp jupiter. that scene where the skeleton's don't listen to him because they don't acknowledge him as praetor is such a full circle scene i loved it

also jason is the second most tragic character to me. he grew up without really knowing he was. his life belonged to hera before he could even live it. then she goes further by manipulating his memories so he can be a pawn in the war. i just think there's an inherent goodness to jason like there is to percy. he deserved a long fulfilling life :/

also. nico not being able to find jason's soul in the underworld. ouch.

i like leo despite ppl's opinions on him being annoying. i think leo's life is super sad and ppl forget that. every time there's a one liner from him about how he used to be homeless and sleep in the streets i feel so bad for him 😭😭😭

i hate leo and calypso im sorry. i dislike calypso but i would dislike her less had RR not paired them up together. love her attitude! do not love her relationship with a 16 year old. besides i don't even think they like each other 😭 (side note i feel soooo bad for leo in TOA when he talks about how his relationship with calypso and how he basically puts the onus of their relationship on himself :( he really deserves more than calypso nagging at him for being the person she supposedly fell for HE WENT BACK FOR HER!)

percabeth....there are no words to explain how much i love percabeth. they have cemented themselves as That couple. the IT couple. i do wish RR wasn't so obsessed with pairing ppl off in romantic relationships. but percabeth is perfect to me. percy literally worships the ground she walks on. and annabeth needs the levity that is percy. like im sorry they just complete each other. percy literally goes to HELL because he won't let her go alone. im sorry ur favs could quite literally NEVER.

nico and hazel's relationship is something very special to me.

so is nico and reyna's relationship.

so is nico and jason's

anyway you get it.

i rlly like how everyone just straight up acknowledges percabeth is the superior couple.

really wish we got a couple of scenes about the aftermath of HOO especially the relationships between the gods and their kids....i think it ended a little too abruptly!!!!

[thepropertylovers]

“Almost All of My Friends Have a Mom and a Dad”

On the way to the dentist a few weeks ago, our middle son, seemingly out of nowhere, said the above statement.

Talking to the kids about the fact that they have two dads instead of a mom and a dad, or just a mom or just a dad, has become a frequent occurrence in the last couple of months. They’re getting older and starting to understand and become aware of more things, especially because of being in school and sports. We held off for a long time talking to them about the fact that they’re being raised by two men, only because we were focused on other things and our sexual orientation was the last thing on our minds, but it’s getting to the point where there’s no escaping it.

And I love it.

I love it because kids are so damn understanding. They are innately accepting, and never once question if having gay dads is right or wrong. They do, however, from time to time, ask why no one else in their class has two dads.

We always tell them that all families look different in so many ways. Some families have just one mom (and that’s the part when I remind them how my siblings and I were raised by my mom only), some have just a dad, some have two moms, some just have grandparents or aunts and uncles. We stress that it doesn’t matter how a family comes together, only that it’s filled with love.

And they get it.

They fully understand it. Why is it that children understand something as simple as love but we as adults have a hard time comprehending it?

When we tell them this, they usually just shrug, smile, and say okay. There’s no longing for a different type of family or a wish of a different kind of parent. I think that’s because they realize nothing is missing from the family we’ve created. They’re not getting any kind of short end of the stick. They know how loved, appreciated, and safe they are and that’s enough for them.

Lately when they bring up the fact that they have two dads, it’s always casually and more of a letting-you-know type of thing, never in a complaining or sad way. I think they’re just finally getting older and getting to the age where they’re starting to notice things that make them different from other kids, like we all did at that time in our lives. Allan doesn’t like his two front teeth. Riah likes his hair a very specific way. They’re seeing themselves as other people see them, which I wish we could make stop, but we’re all human and go through the same feelings and phases of life, don’t we? Noticing your family looks different than your friends at school is just a part of growing up. For me, growing up, it was how everyone’s dad was there for them except mine and how we always had so much less money than all my friends.

Different does not equal bad, it is just another part of your story. They don’t question our love for them, and they don’t question the structure or discipline we give them or their bedtime or the weekend activities we plan or the routine we have created for our family, and that’s because they know we’re a family and they know what to expect from us. It’s like breathing.

I’m excited to see them grow and navigate life and handle certain situations, because I know there will come a time when someone does say something mean and hurtful to them about the fact that they have two dads. All we can do until then is prepare them for the worst but always hope for the best. I know some of their friends have already asked if they have two dads and our kids always just say yup, and their friends just say oh, okay, and move on. That gives me hope.

What we want our kids to know is that kind of family you were raised in doesn’t truly matter when it’s all said and done. What matters is the love, safety and comfort they feel from it. And with that, our family is doing just fine.

[aconitoakafish]

Princess Violet

Hi, my name is Aconito, the author, and after my partner finally decided to show me their little fan-fics on characters they adore, i decided to show them a story i've been working on. they then told me i could post it here for you all to see. so here it is.

this story is very grungy and dark themed and might have some scenarios that might evoke bad memories in you, the reader.

so read with that inmind.

if you yourself has experiences sa or extreme bullying, i wouldn't recommend this story for you.

with that out of the way, this is my introduction. i have a chapter ready that directly picks up from the ending since i couldn't fit everything, so if you want to see that, or even want more, let me know.

if even one person tells me they like this i will continue writing and posting..

well, enjoy the over the top, grungy, Violet.

Warnings: sexual themes, harrassment, harsh language, trigger words, trauma. (there will be way more triggers in future chapters)

[INTRODUCTION]

When life brings you flowers, they said. I find that comical. If life brought me any flowers at all they’d be dark-red prickly roses with bitter sweet nectar flowing between the spikes. You could call that emo, but that’s simply just what’s on my mind. When I was born, my mother wished I was a girl. I imagine her flipping out at the doctors and throwing a bitchy tantrum, like she always did, when the gender results came in. She probably even tried talking the doctor into being my father like she so often did. Spreading her legs when a no wouldn’t suffice, when she got desperate. I can’t hate her though, she’s all I have and I guess the world made her that way. Ever since she was 11 years old or so and got touched by her uncle or dad, or whoever the fuck, doesn’t really make a difference who. After that and a touch of therapy she found out that she could have anything as long as she pays with her body. She’s still a child at heart though. She doesn’t even act slutty, more like an unfortunate fool with an unfortunate upbringing in a grim world. Apperently even when she’d walk me in my baby carriage, she’d be afraid of her father, the inmate number 25 or something, who’d always scream and shout telling her to grow up and stop playing with dolls. She’d even dress me up like one. I remember my first day of school being truamatizing showing up wearing a dress while 8 year old me had no idea that wasn’t the proper dresscode. No idea why I was getting laughed at. No idea why it got ripped off by some older guys nicknaming me “faggot”. Just fantastic. At least I’m pretty, right mom? With my long golden-blonde hair and green eyes, and whatever dress she couldn’t fit anymore. Your adorable little Violet. Couldn’t even give me a proper name. Princess Violet, she called me. As if I didn’t have it hard enough. When the vultures at school heard that little nickname, you bet I didn’t hear the end of it. My life’s the kind of thing middle-aged woman would write about, just they’d get my phsychology all wrong. I’d be their little, alone in the world, Violet. A best-seller for four-eyed 14 year old girls with bug teeth, who gets bullied for being a bookworm and secretly a yoai fanfic-author. Despite all this, I don’t see myself as gay though, at least I think I don’t.

-

i hope you're hooked on Violet:). - Aconito (Author)

[chaos-and-recover]

I was raised in a family that had a scapegoat. It was my sister. The story is very long, too long to ever put in an ask. The shortest version, which does not in any way explain how it got that bad or show how anybody could ever fall for it the way I did, but I'm still gonna explain so people can get how damaging it csn be, is: I'm the youngest, and only boy, of three. My parents were what kids today would call a "boy mom" (boy dad?). My oldest sister was the scapegoat for not being a stereotypical girl. My middle sister was very traditionally feminine. Every fight we ever had was due to my parents attempting to control my older sister into being the way they wanted, and her being disobedient. She graduated and left home when I was still in elementary school. Life was suddenly peaceful. So I believed it was truly her fault since all fighting stopped. As the only boy I could do not wrong and was never held accountable. Now the damage: It took decades for me to see she was abused horrifically, even though not physically. I am fifty now. I have no relationship with my family, including her as she wants nothing to do with anybody in our family ever again. I have been divorced three times, fathered multiple children with multiple mothers, including women I have not married, none of which I'm allowed to see, except for my one daughter, with supervised monthly visits, and only due to my ex's kindness (which I do not deserve, may in fact be people pleasing, as I did attempt to kidnap my daughter once). I am not excusing my behavior. Simply explaining how damaging family scapegoat dynamics can be, and why nobody should treat that lightly. All abuse is abuse and has long term effects. I hope that girl with the cousin can get out and get free and get professional help as soon as possible. I have destroyed my life multiple times and only started living healthily a few years ago. I wish I had known the signs decades ago.

I can tell there is SO MUCH backstory here, wow. I feel like even just what you touch on here is a cautionary tale about both family scapegoat AND 'boy mom' dynamics. Even if that wasn't really a thing for your childhood, or just didn't have a name like it does in the age of social media. Having one 'golden child' who can do no wrong and never hears 'no' can be just as damaging to the family as a whole and to that child specifically as making one kid the scapegoat for all the family's problems.