#i wish i could stand up for myself more but also i shouldnt have to

[teamisc]

GRRRRRRRRRR

[changeling-droneco]

To every person who told me when I stated i was concerned about the rise of antisemetism and concern for my jewish friends that i shouldnt be? Fuck you, like, that hurts to say because i considered at least one of those people an ex old friend who i cared deeply for, but fuck you, i said this when jewish people were already being raped and attacked months ago in a rise of antisemetic hate crimes that this was concerning me and you told me i was focusing on the wrong issue.

Now there are pogroms, people have to be told to hide their jewish identity to not risk being killed or worse. So many people have been hurt and attacked, there are mobs, so many horrible things have happened but no, apparently never again meant "never again will I care after this" for most people, not me, never me. I fucking meant it as never again means never again.

So now I ask, is it still the "wrong issue", am i still focusing on the "not important part" because i give a shit that people are being brutalized for something they had no say in? Is it "not worth my attention" that people are being beaten and chased with knives by more then 50 people? Is it unimportant that hundreds of people are stuck indoors hoping desperately to be okay and for their family/friends to be okay as the progrom continues for horrors?

Because I don't actually care what your answer is, because I will continue to care, and I will continue to be loud, and i will not give up on people who have done nothing wrong but apparently be born. I can't do much I admit, I wish there was more I could do. However, I can say this, that my goy ass stands firm on Never Again Means Never Again, and that I will defend the rights for jewish folks to live a life of peace that never should have been up for question.

I will not wait for permission or even consider pretending that real lives are some fucking soccer match where i can only focus or care about one team where only one team can win. No, the only true way to peace, to change, to humanity, is hand in hand. Anyone who tells you otherwise, is trying to sell you something, and that something is never good.

(Also because I hear the term being thrown around a lot but i had to look into myself what it even was actually because i realized I didnt even fully know beyond "another violent bad thing", a progrom is "a violent riot incited with the aim of massacring or expelling an ethnic or religious group, particularly Jews.")

[syrupspinner]

i just completed Hypnospace Outlaw

i sincerely love how much the sci-fi genre is just explaining how much sci-fi stuff would suck if it was real

the reason you play hypnospace outlaw is the aesthetic and presentation, just so were all on the same page. the reason this game got your attention is because its a passionate parody of web 1.0, and it does an excellent job of that. i can tell this game was made with a deep nostalgia for what made the past special without being blinded from its flaws (like the viruses and general difficulty to navigate).

the only problem is that im 24

well i shouldnt say thats a problem. just because i dont have nostalgia for what theyre throwing back to doesnt mean the game doesnt stand on its own. i didnt grow up with a ps1 or n64 but i still enjoy that specific form of lowpoly modeling, for example. its just unfortunate that i cant have the same hit of nostalgia that people slightly older than me can, yknow? i wish i could enjoy this game as much as them

again, the game was still very enjoyable. the puzzles start out very grounded, introducing you the the world and how it functions very effectively, before ramping it up with more abstract mechanics and compounding techniques needed to find more results. the only problem i found myself stuck on in an unfun way was figuring out how to decrypt sandwich files. its one of those puzzles that make you feel silly for not getting it earlier, but in my defence... who the hell would program something that esoteric

as an aside, i saw people discussing what genre games like this would be. by "games like this" i mean hypnospace outlaw, outer wilds, rain world, animal well, that kinda thing. i dont think applying one genre is effective, but instead its about how they combine the genres of exploration and puzzle. instead of having all the tools to solve a puzzle when youre presented with it, you have to leave and seek out the solution elsewhere. notably, if the game isnt build to accommodate/encourage this, itd be pretty unfun. these games and their open-ended design manage to skillfully mesh both genres together: the exploration is the puzzle

so yeah, i really enjoyed the game! there arent a lot of games where its just fun to explore the world as its presented, and HO does a fantastic job of that even without considering the puzzle design. i love just reading about the characters and their lives in hypnospace. this games greatest strength is just how charming it is, theres really nothing that matches it in that regard

i also found it really inspiring. i love how much personality all the characters fit into their webpages. maybe someday ill move this blog to neocities just so i can evoke something half as impact

oh no this was all a secret advertisement for neocities wasnt it! well, it worked, im not even mad (yes i know about the page builder)

anyway! the game is worth it for the vibes alone, and the puzzles are a really solid foundation that everything is built on. totally worth buying! the only thing is if youre going for completion, please use a guide to find all the pages, some are hidden way too well. totally worth it, though. if you know what the "thanked" achievement is named after, you know it makes it worth it. also, buzz was hilarious, i love pranks on the player

now im going to spoil the ending, stop reading this is you want to not be spoiled about the ending, because im about to spoil it now. after sasuke

oh my GOD dylan merchant is such a schmuck. maybe ive just lost too much sympathy for venture capitalist techbros, but i cannot spare any positive regard for this guy. like, okay, i get hes the bad guy, but outlaw 1.0 tries sooo hard to make you feel bad for him it wraps back around to being infuriating. the thing is that i have no idea if this is intentional? like, was a guy who let a teenager go to jail and think about how his prank killed 5 innocent people plus his crush apologizing decades later (*after* being caught) with an unfinished video game supposed to be a sincere tug of the heartstrings? "sorry i killed zane before he could stop being an annoying twerp" "sorry i killed rodney, his family smelled like walmart" "sorry i killed mavis, i think that was her name. i got nothing else to say about her" "anyway thanks for playing the 'final' version of the game that killed everyone. you have successfully absolved me of my sins and sent me to heaven. remember to subscribe and hit that bell icon" DUDE how emotionally shallow and self aggrandizing do you have to be you are a child murderer my guy

[behindbrowneyezz]

It's funny how time changes things isnt it? One minute you're super close to everyone around you, you're busy with work, extra activies, extra chores, maybe you try to sleep in an extra few days that month...then before you know so many things have changed. I feel bad that tomorrow is Indys birthday tomorrow and no one is really trying to hang out. I just feel like over the last year shes done nothing but expect us all to do what SHE wants...now everyone's tired and dont want to go and spend a ton of money on a night out when we can be at home doing the same for not even half the price. I love her, but life is hard as it is. WHY can't she be a better friend to us all? I'll never get it. Weve all been so nice to her as well and i think she just MUST have control, but the thing is we all just want to be able to be ourselves. I feel bad, i feel like Sarah is always going to break down and do what she wants...even Fernando. Im pretty sure that's why she gets upset with me, because the second i feel like youre trying to be in control of me..or make me feel less then, i just wont come around. Its actually that simple for me. I have such a hard time being around most women that are older then me. I also feel like mr. dub is literally constantly lying to me. I cant stand it. Ive never met someone so exhausting to be around besides my own blood relatives. i suppose that's used to draw me to him. I used to love how much he reminds me of my father. ..now all it does is stress me out. Its a drag actually. Looking back im not even sure why i clinged on so tight, besides the fact that he truly reminds me of my dad. the devil. I hope one day i can forgive them both for all the pain they have caused me over the years. It's even more exhausting to constantly relive through all that pain. I think my dad used to be one hell of a man. He was full of courage, love, and excitement. He hated people but he would give the shirt off his back if he felt like he should. Sometimes i wonder what really happened in his head in 2010...what made him so unhappy all of a sudden...was it really his marriage to Angela? Was it money? Did he really hate all of us at home all the time? or did he hate the fact that we weren't home enough? I wish he wouldn't of shoved me away so much. Some days its hard to love myself because i wonder why he raised me to be someone he was going to hate for the rest of his life. Its funny too, considering he never can go a week without talking his mommy. Yet, he expects his own children to be able to live a life without him, any guidance, etc. I wish i didn't hate him, I wish i could just forget about him completely. Anyway, more on that later...

Also, why the fuck are men so God damn gross?! AND fucking just pathetic most days. I truly dont get it. NO one wants to see you little dick, no one wants to hear about your stupid fantasies, no one gives a fuck about what you look like without a shirt and pants on. I mean good grief....The amount of guys that grossly still hit me up from high school...talking about 'wow i would love to see you, ya know i had a big crush on you back then' like yea yea yea sure sure sure...baby go get off somewhere else and leave me alone. I find it sad. Maybe guys really do have that hard of a time to find someone that they can sleep with on the regular...but truthfully they shouldnt be hitting people up from 10 years ago because they are horny. Its disgusting and sad. SO SO sad. Yall need Jesus. Well thats all for now, im going to go shower and maybe cut my babies hair. <3

you're loved, you dont need your dad or any other man for that matter to tell you otherwise. IM sorry people have always let you down, maybe one day when youre gone, they will actually miss you. stay strong, keep smiling, and for the love of God, finish the lost boy tonight.

XO, Ashh

[shhh-no-ones-home]

through the green glass door (*) loki laufeyson x reader

+++++++++ Guess who watched the first Thor movie 😁😁

(*) - leads to smut but it doesnt go all the way. but like, its super suggestive lol

Song: lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off by panic at the disco

@cynic-spirit +++++++++

"do you have any idea what the consequences will be if i get caught?!"

i exclaimed as quietly as possible,  my three friends giggling as they huddled around me.

"y/n, youre the most agile person we know. and we've all been dreaming of the fruit off that tree for ages. please."

Lenore said and i rolled my eyes.

"if i get caught im taking you three down with me."

i said, gripping the tree bark on the outside portion of the wall.

"we believe in you."

she said as i began climbing. i couldnt believe id let them talk me into this. but they were right, we had all been wanting the fruit off this tree for a very long time. it was forbidden to any outside the palace walls. something none of us had ever or would ever have the pleasure of enjoying. until now i suppose.

"im at the top."

i called back down to them still on the ground. they all cheered and clapped, jumping up and down as they giggled. but i wasnt triumphant just yet. i could see the tree, barely touching the branches of the one i was in. just over the garden wall.

"youve got this."

i whispered to myself, stepping as lightly as i possibly could towards the wall. there was a creaking and i paused, taking a deep breath. it was fine. this was fine. so i kept going, jumping onto the top of the garden wall as the edge of the branch snapped. i took a staggered breath, still hidden within lots of leaves. but there, like a light in the distance i could see the golden fruit. i plucked one off the branch, its smell as it got closer becoming sweeter and sweeter.

then i saw another, plucking it too and tossing both to the ground below. there i saw the three of them, rushing over and picking them up. i grabbed another that was close enough to reach and dropped it down, so each of them could have one of their own. they all celebrated with happy noises of content as they devoured them. as i looked back up to grab another fruit i noticed there were none left nearer to me.

"drat."

i complained, seeing one of the golden fruits just past the wall, barely out of reach. i knew i shouldn't be greedy but i went through all this trouble, it would be a shame to not have one for myself. so i stepped further, to the edge of the wall. i found a branch sturdy enough and planted my foot on it. i took one step, then another, and so on until i was nearing the trunk of the tree and the fruit i had seen from the wall.

"finally."

i whispered, plucking it off the branch and sinking my teeth into it. it was just as sweet as it smelled and i was glad i had continued on my journey over the wall. that was at least until i took one wrong step, another branch breaking under me. then it was one branch after another, falling straight on my face in the grass below the tree. i groaned, lifting my head and my eyes going wide. there in front of me was a pair of black leather boots.

"um, i can explain."

i started, looking up and pausing again. there in front of me was the young prince, holding a book in one hand and a pear in the other, looking just as surprised to see me as i was to see him.

"im sure thats one hel of an explanation having dropped from the sky."

he stated and i moved to my knees quickly, bowing in front of him.

"yes, my prince. i am truly sorry."

he laughed and i looked at him confused.

"please, stand."

he said and i did as told, bowing my head.

"i have not seen you before."

"my prince?"

i raised a brow, watching him as he leaned against the tree.

"where do you come from?"

i cleared my throat.

"outside the palace my prince."

he laughed again.

"do you think me an idiot?"

he asked and i stopped breathing.

"of course not, how could you? you are but a peasant."

then i drew my brows.

"now you wait just a minute! i may not be of noble birth but that does not mean you will disrespect me. arrest me, for all i care, but i will not be spoken to like a-"

"relax."

he said and i stopped.

"relax?!"

he shook his head.

"what is your name?"

i opened and closed my mouth a couple times. then i inhaled sharply.

"y/n."

he stood off the tree, tucked the book under his arm, and offered me his hand.

"well y/n, i am of the impression that you are in need of a new dress."

i looked at him funny before looking down at my outfit. i was dirty and my skirt had torn when i fell out of the tree.

"you arent going to arrest me?"

i asked hesitantly and he smiled.

"i am not."

he said and i slowly took his hand.

"my prince i, i dont believe-"

"you dont need to believe, just trust me."

he said and i nodded. i followed him blindly inside, walking openly past the guards up the stairs and down a long glimmering hallway. it didnt necessarily feel right, but something about him made me want to keep walking. to keep following him.

"my prince-"

"call me loki."

he interrupted.

"um, loki, right. uh where are we going?"

he squeezed my hand before pulling me into a room.

"my chambers."

he said and i froze, the door closing behind us. then out of nowhere a woman appeared, bowing her head.

"bring us one of my mothers old dresses. my guest is in need of some new clothes."

he said in a suave tone, the woman walking past me and out the door.

"i dare say, my prince, i am not worthy of wearing the queens garb."

he looked at me and smiled, pulling a chair out from under a small golden table and sitting at it.

"i think she would disagree."

i smiled back in amusement and joined him at the table.

"why are you being so nice to me?"

i asked and watched as he took a drink.

"it has been a long time since someone has been able to get over garden wall and not get caught. i admire that."

i raised a brow.

"so you like that im mischievous?"

i questioned and he smirked.

"exactly."

i made a small noise of disbelief.

"i should have guessed. the midgaurdians call you, what, the god of mischief? it only makes sense you would like someone sneaking into the palace garden."

"my lord."

i heard from the door and both our gaze turned to the girl, holding a blue dress.

"ah yes, a perfect choice."

i watched as he took it from her, shooing her away afterwards. and then he started towards me, making me more curious.

"for the lady."

he said, offering it to me and i smirked at him.

"care to help me put it on?"

i made a face, realizing what i had just asked and almost couldnt believe myself for being so bold. but part of me also didnt regret it. and i couldnt help notice the knowing smile across his face as he led me to his bed. there he laid the dress out and moved to help me.

"a bit intrepid for someone who believed me to want to arrest them."

i looked over his face for a moment.

"theres something about you i cant get off of my mind."

"and that is?"

he asked, stepping behind me and undoing the top op my dress slowly. i just stood and stared ahead as he did so.

"though i know we could both be in large amounts of trouble with the king if he were to find out i am here, i still feel like i can trust you."

i said, looking at him over my shoulder and we both examined each other. his face was soft. softer than before. and the golden light peaking in over the terrace railing made him look more ethereal.

"i can trust you, cant i?"

i asked and his gaze shifted down my face.

"you can trust this."

he said calmly before capturing my lips in his. it was gentle and i could feel my heart knocking a my rib cage to be let out. i was kissing the boy prince. the heir apparent. and gods did it feel great.

"loki."

i whispered when he pulled away, looking between his eyes for any reason not to trust him and coming up with nothing.

"do you still wish for my help?"

he bargained and i nodded.

"i wouldnt want anything else."

it was said in such a hushed tone im sure no one else would have been able to hear it had they been in the room. i stood there as he stripped me slowly. He began with finishing the top of my dress, letting the lacing down and pushing the fabric down off my shoulders. as the dress pooled at my ankles i was left there in my sark, a small shiver traveling up my spine as his fingers traced up my arm.

"may i?"

he asked, placing his other hand firmly at my waist, tugging at the fabric. i swallowed hard, almost feeling like i shouldnt be doing this.

"yes."

i said quiet and bold.

"you are quite the woman."

he noted, pulling the sark up over my head and dropping it to the floor with my dress. i should have felt more exposed standing there naked but my back was still to him.

"Thank you my prince."

I said with some form of sincerity. He kissed my shoulder.

"I told you, call me Loki."

He whispered into my ear, sending goosebumps over my skin.

"Loki."

I half moaned, leaning back into him as his hands found their way to my hips again.

"May I touch you further?"

He questioned and I nodded against him, feeling his hand trail up my torso painfully slow. He kissed across my shoulder, up my neck, and onto my jaw before spinning me around swiftly. I gasped at the sudden movement, looking over his face as he stepped closer to kiss me properly. When he pulled away I noticed his clothes had also vanished, gone in a flash of green.

"May I make love to you?"

He asked, barely gracing my lips with his own.

"Please do."

I whispered against him before kissing him, again and again, until my back hit the soft silk of his bedding.

[bokutomii]

warnings: self degradation?

first person writing for some parts!!

————————————————————————

when i opened the door to my house, my mom quickly jolted her head to the door that i was standing infront of. i looked over to my dad who was sitting next to her, with a disappointed look on his face. my aunts and uncles went silent waiting for somebody to say something.

“oh yn youre home.” motoya broke the silence and waved like he didn’t bug me while i was hanging with osamu.

“yn, yn, yn hi!!” motoya’s little brother waved (let’s pretend he has a little brother) coming up to me with a big smile, i had forgot that motoya and kiyoomi’s family was staying a night.

i gave a small wave back and headed straight to my room

“yn! come back here!” my mom yelled trying to stop me from going into my room but if i stayed out there for any longer i would embarrass myself infront of everybody. kiyoomi tried to stop himself from laughing and went back to playing with motoya’s little brother to hide the fact that he was.

i closed my door fast but not too loud so i wouldn’t get more introuble for slamming it and sat on my bed, took out of my phone and opened the gc again.

after reading that last text message that shizuku sent. i turned off my phone and started hyperventilating

no no no no no no

shizuku having a crush on me? of course she’s joking!! she always jokes, right?

i want to laugh, why cant this be a joke. shouldnt i be feeling happy right now... shouldn’t i have feel the same way towards her? why did this have to happen right when the fondness came back to me when i was with osamu.

it’s the wrong person.

it’s the wrong person.

it’s the wrong person.

it’s the wrong person.

it’s not though..

i couldn’t stop myself from crying. this is dumb, this whole thing is dumb, why am i the one crying like a baby?? its not nesscary for me to be crying. why aren’t i happy?

why do i have so many questions?!

im an idiot. how did i not know. looking back it feels like it was right infront of me! no wonder suna hates me..i wouldn’t be mad if everybody did.

my crying started to get louder and i didn’t even notice. i couldn’t stop looking at my phone and reading the text message again and blaming myself for no reason whatsoever.

“did you guys hear that?” akane asked kiyoomi and motoya, they both shook their heads no. akane got up from the living room floor and made her way to my bedroom door.

“yn..are you okay?” akane knocked on the door twice. i wiped my tears with my sweater and put my phone under my pillow. “im fine, do you need something?” i said genuinely, trying to change the topic.

“are you sure? i swear i heard CRYING from your room?” akane responded, exaggerating the crying part. i had to laugh a little. akane never failed to make me laugh even when im in at my lowest state.

“yes! really im fine!” i answered, laughing in between. “okay okay, im leaving!” akane noted. i wish i could go spend time with her and forget about all of this. like mom would let me after i didn’t come home until 2 am

akane opened my door again slightly and peeked her head in “hey yn...tell me when you’re ready, okay?” i nodded and smiled while looking at her and she did a harsh smile back.

and of course here my mom comes.. “YN!! bring me your phone now!!” our mom shouted from the kitchen, i rolled my eyes while akane tried to stop herself from laughing, it’s my fault though, i cant lie.

“shouldve came back on time” akane giggled and ran back to the living room that everybody was in.

damn it.

masterlist || previous || next

other info!

-yn’s wallpaper is shizuku.

-really osamu and shizuku never fight.

-atsumu and yn were closer in middle school but drifted apart bc osamu started hanging out with them.

-kiyoomi and motoya slept on the hard living room floor that night.

-motoya’s little brother’s name is kenji and he’s 5.

-after yn’s phone got took they all played board games and went to bed after since it was super late.

a/n: sorry i cant write stories that good aaa also it might take me longer to update because i did end up changing what happens in the middle of the story!! if youre a good writer pls suggest me some tips 😃 i didnt proofread this!!

[zmayadw]

'Morning to all!

A bussy weekend is in front of me, so I'll post the next part of the story now :)

Wish you all a great weekend! :)

CALL OF THE RAVEN

PART 22

Mayas POV

I barely managed to get any sleep. I woke up every little, checking if Jake was breathing. I was terrified seeing him yesterday, but also relieved when they finaly got back. I got out of bed, glancing once more at him before i closed the door, heading for the kitchen. Jessy was already there, with fresh coffee just about done. „'Morning.“ I said to her, both of us sharing the same sleepless face. I sat down, Jessy joining me after a minute, handing me a cup. „Is Dan ok?“ i asked, guilt for what happened crawling at me. „He will be.“ She started, and chuckled a bit „I think his pride got more hurt then him actually.“ I smiled at it a bit. „I'm sorry, Jessy.“ She looked at me „What for?“ „For all of this.“ I said and sighed „What if something happened to Dan again? I mean, worse then it did yesterday. Things just got somewhat normal for you, and now i've pulled you back again in some weird shit.“ Jessy took my hand, squeezing it hard „Hey, we both told you before, we're here for you. And not just for the good part.“ „I know, Jessy, but i dont want for anything to happen to any of you, i could never forgive myself for it.“ Just the tought of something happeneing to her, or Dan, ached me. She smiled at me „We're in this together, and there's nothing you can say or do that will make us change our minds.“ „You can say that again!“ Dans voice came from the door, and we both turned to him. „And, besides“ he said, taking a cup from the cupboard and filling it with coffee „Your man would be lost without me.“ He turned to us, grinning. I laughed „You are starting to like him more and more, aren't you?“ Dan sat down and looked all serious at me „I will neither confirm nor deny this!“ Jessy and me laughed at it, Dan winking at me with a grin. „Thank you, both of you, for everything.“ Jessy smiled at me, and Dan said „All right, all right, its too early for that wooshy mooshy stuff.“ He got up, going to the fridge, opening it and rubbing his hands together „Its time for Dans special eggs breakfast.“ I looked at Jessy, rising my eyebrow „Do i dare to eat that?“ She laughed „Dont worry, it's actually good.“

Dans cooking skills wer pretty good, he made us a great breakfast, I had no idea i was that hungry. I helped Jessy clear the table after we finished, refilling my coffee cup before sitting down again. „Dan, what happened yesterday?“ i asked. He looked at me a bit uneased „Shouldnt we wait for Jake to join us for this?“ „Please, Dan, who knows how long he will be asleep. I just need to know.“ Jessy looked at him, squeezing his hand „I'm sure Jake wont mind.“ She was as much impatient as me to find out. Dan switched glances between the two of us, sighing desperatly „All righ, fine. But just for the record, if he asks, you two better stand up for me.“ We both just nooded at him. „Ok.“ he said, taking a deep breath before he started telling us about last night.

„What the hell is going on here?“ Jessy said, confusion all over her face. I was as much confused as her, but i was more concerned about the pictures part. Just the thought of someone watching me, following me arround, sent chills down my spine. What was happening here? What was this all about? Was this related to the prior events, or was this something completely different? There wer so manny questions in my head, but no answers to any of it. „You all right there, Maya?“ Dan asked, looking worryingly at me. „Im fine“ i said. „I mean, im not fine, this is all getting freaking confusing more and more!“ Both of them wer looking at me intensly now. „But dont worry, i'm not gonna loose it.“ I looked at Dan „Did Jake say anything more to you about the laptop?“ „No, nothing, so you will just have to wait for him to tell you more.“

Jakes POV

My eyes opened and It took me a moment to remember what happened and to realize where i was. My head was still hurting, but compared to yesterday this was a relief. I got in sitting position, no clue what time it was, the curtains wer drawn over the window. I took the glass that was next to bed and some more painkillers, drinking it before i got up and dressed. I left the room heading for the kitchen. The moment i saw the grim faces of Jessy and Maya i knew. „So, you told them.“ I said to Dan as i entered the kitchen. „Sorry, man, they begged me.“ He told me, as i sat down next to Maya. She leaned to me, giving me a soft kiss „Dont be mad that we didnt wait for you, i just needed to know.“ „Its fine.“ I said smiling at her. „Want some coffee?“ Jessy asked, and i nodded. „How you feeling?“ Maya asked. „Better. My head still hurts, but at least the dizziness is gone.“ „Good.“ She said, but worry was still present all over her face.“Was there anything useful on that laptop, by the way?“ Jessy asked, handing me the cup. „Nothing, i'm afraid. It was just one of those automatic calling programs, you can basicly get it anywhere. And with some easy tweeking, you can set it however you want.„ „Great, so not much help there.“ she said sighing. „Did any of you saw who it was that attacked you?“. „No, i got hit from behind, i didnt see anything.“ Dan answered, turning his look to me. „Nothing.“ I said „I rushed in too foolishly when i saw Dan.“ „Damn it.“ Jessy said, when Maya asked. „Did the preson say anything? Before you got knocked out?“ You can't save her, boy. She will die. The words echoed in my head again. „Jake?“ I turned to her. She looked so tired, and beaten with worry. So i lied. „No, nothing.“ She continued looking at me so intensly, i was sure she would see right through me. But she just leaned her head to my shoulder, sighing „So we still don't know anythig.“ „I'm sorry, Maya.“ I said, leaning my head to hers „I hoped we would find something, anything that would shed some light to this.“ „Me, too“ she said, sounding so defeated. „We wont give up, we will just try harder.“ Dan said. „We wont let a few blows to the head make us quit.“ He grinned, Jessy shaking her head and rolling her eyes at him. „ Joking aside“ she started, giving Dan a stare „But Dan is right, we wont give up.“

Mayas POV

Jessy made us stay for lunch before letting us go back to the motel. We all just ate in silence, lost in our toughts. All this was just getting more confusing with each day, leaving so manny unanswered questions in my head. „I saw Phil the other day.“ Jessys words snapped me out of my thoughts. Both Jake and me looked at eachother for a moment, and i turned to Jessy „Yeah?“ She sighed „He didnt want to tell me what happened, but he has a nasty bruise on his face.“ „Really?“ i said, trying to sound surprised, averting my eyes back to my plate. Jake smirked at it. „You know something about it, man, dont you?“ Dan said to Jake grinning. Jessy looked at us „Oh, god, what happened?“ she asked desperatly. „Well, you know how you said to me Phil can be a jerk sometimes?“ i asked, and she just nodded. „Phil was a jerk. So Jake hit him.“ I said nonchalantly, Dan grinning even more „Nice, man.“ He said to Jake, and he grinned back at Dan. Jessy looked bewildered at Jake „You did what?!“ „She just told you.“ he said to her, Jessy rolling her eyes, turning to me. „Can you be more specific, please.“ I sighed „Fine. Phil provoked him, and it happened, Jessy. I cant say im sorry about it, he did deserve it, he crossed the line.“ Dan was still grinning at it, but Jessy got up from the table, throwing her hands up in desperation and annoyance „Great, now i have to find another place.“ I turned to her „Another place for what?“ „To celebrate me getting that job at the library.“ „Oh, congratulation, Jessy, i'm so happy for you!“ i chimed. „Thanks!“ She said cheerfully before getting serious again. „But I still have the same problem. I cant have this one“ she said pointing at Jake „having another run down with my brother again.“ „Hey, i dont have to be there.“ Jake told her, and she looked at him, rising her eyebrow „ Maya would be, and i highly doubt you would let her be alone anywhere near my brother after what happened.“ „Point taken.“ he said to her thoughtfully. „I dont mind going to the Aurora, Jessy.“ I said, and all looked at me. I rolled my eyes „Its not like i would be going there for Phil. And besides, it's a big place, i'm sure we can all avoid each other just fine for that one evening.“ I took a bite of off my plate „It's actually Phil you have to talk to about it.“ I started „Maybe he banned Jake and me from the Aurora after it.“ i said grinning at her. Jessy groaned with frustration at us „Argh, can anything be simple with you two!?“ „But its more interesting like this, babe!“ Dan chimed cheerfuly, Jake and me looking at eachother and chuckling, leaving poor Jessy just shake her head at us all.

Back at the motel, i just threw myself on the bed. „What are we gonna do now?“ „I'll take a shower for sure.“ Jake said as he sat on the bed rubbing at the side of his head. „I didnt mean it like that.“ I rolled my eyes at him. „I know you didnt.“ He said desperatly. „But to be honest, i have no clue what to tell you.“ I burried my face in the pillow and screamed, making him look at me. „Sorry“ i said „Im just fucking frustrated with it all right now. I have no clue what is happening here, or why it's happening. And we didnt find out anything yesterday, so we're back at square one!“ „Dont you think this all isnt frustrating for me also?“ he said, but his voice was adding something else to that frustration. I looked him straight in the eyes „Are you sure there isnt anything else you want to tell me?“ I tought his eyes widened for a second at my question, but he just said „Ofcourse not, I told you everything.“ There was something in his voice, I wasnt sure he was telling me the truth, wich just made me more frustrated. „Fine, whatever. Go take your shower.“ I said a bit snapily. „Fine, i will!“ he said, a bit of hurt in his voice, getting up and going to the bathroom, slamming the doors. He stomped back a moment later, his hoodie and pants gone. „Why are you angry at me now?“ he asked, rising his voice. „Im not!“ i said, also rising my voice, getting up from the bed. "I'm just frustrated and angry with everything now, ok?!“ „Fine! Dont take it out on me then!“ he said and stomped back. I threw myself backwards on the bed. Shit, i didnt want to fight with him, but all that was happening was driving us both crazy. It was just a matter of time before we would snap at eachother. Bathroom doors opened once more, Jake stomping out again with just his boxers on. He came to the bed and grabbed my hand, pulling me up and going back towards bathroom. „What are you doing?“ I asked. He just continued going „You look sexy when angry, and i'm horny now, so you're taking a shower with me.“

Jakes POV

I couldnt sleep, the toughts wer racing wild in my mind. I turned to her, and smiled. I could just stare at her like this for hours. She was sleeping soundly, it was the only time she looked at peace these last days. I got out of bed silently, going to the bathroom, and just stared at the mirror. I hated myself for lying to her. But how could i tell her the truth!? Those words wer haunting me, eating at me inside. I feared what it might do to her if she only knew. If i wasn't so careless that day, things might end differently, this all could have ended by now. I was furious at myself for that, rage boiling in me. „Fuck!“ i cursed out loud, my fist involuntarily colliding with the wall next to the mirror. „Jake?“ She called to me from the room after a moment, making me curse inside. Breathing deep to calm myself, I took the glass and filled it with water before going back. „Sorry, did I wake you?“ i said, forcing a smile on my face. She just smiled at me sleepily „Dont worry. Is everything all right? I thought i heard a noise.“ „Yeah, sorry, that was me. I knocked down the glass.“ I said. „Oh, ok. Well, come back to bed.“ She said yawning, laying back on her pillow. I got under the covers, pulling her close to me, hugging her tight. She smiled, snuggling even closer to me before falling back to sleep almost instantly. Those cursed words came back to me again. But no, that wont happen, what he said to me, he was wrong. I made a promise to myself then, I'll make sure nothing happens to her. I wont let her down, ever again.

[percedurza]

I HAVE ALREADY SPOKE ON LENGTH ABOUT THE PRINCE OF EGYPT BUT NOT THE WHOLE THING ONLY THE PLAGUES AND MOSTLY PASSOVER. I JUST WATCHED THE FULL MOVIE FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE I WAS A KID IM GONNA TALK ABOUT IT AGAIN BECAUSE IT WAS SO GOOD. OKAY.

okay let me first say that i was in tears within the first ten minutes of the movie. deliver us was so powerful and heartbreaking i cried BEFORE THE TEN MINUTE MARK. yeah.

when moses' mother sang her final lullaby to her son and pushed him downstream in that (blessed and very fortunate) basket my heart hurt. i cried with her. that was the last time she would ever see her baby.

when his sister sang her prayer for her baby brother, wishing for him to come back to deliver them as well, that just drove the nail in harder.

in a later scene before the banquet you can hear moses humming that last lullaby and since deliver us was just maybe ten minutes prior you remember it and realize he really did keep that final song.

and the banquet oh yeah ramesses gets appointed this big title? and he names moses as the grand architect

and theres this captured hebrew lady brought in for ramesses but shes fierce (i would be too, she was captured and brought to the people she hates the most) and so ramesses orders her to be brought to moses' chambers instead

moses goes to his chambers and suprise! she escaped! moses chases after and sees her sneaking out with her camel and distracts some guards so she wont get caught and once the guards are gone he goes after her again aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand

miriam (moses' sister) meeting him in the city streets and recognizing him, telling him he's her family and him shutting her down and calling her a slave.... it hurt. when she hums that lullaby and he RECOGNIZES and then rushes back home to have a dream about that day he was sent away (in beautiful animation designed to look like the hieroglyphs on his wall) its all so painful to watch him be forced out of nowhere to realize his life is a LIE because hes not a true prince of egypt, he's born of the slaves, and then his father the pharaoh justifies the order to slaughter innocent babies by saying "they were just slaves" and OUGH

moses kills a man. unintentional but he killed a man while trying to stop him from beating a slave. oops.

he cant live with this so he runs away into the desert. theres this scene where he collapses to the ground and sheds all of the jewelry and adornments from his life as royalty but as he takes off the ring ramesses gives him, he looks at it. and slowly puts it back on. because no matter what, he still loves his brother, and he always will.

moses falls into a well. yeah. chases off some ruffians and then basically faints and falls in. these girls the ruffians were harassing started pulling him out and SURPRISE SURPRISE the captured lady from the banquet is there and she drops him back in when she recognizes him and walks away all smug and her name is tzipporah! just an fyi (very pretty name love it)

moses basically gets adopted into the group of hebrews and moses says something about not ever having done anything of worth and so tzipporah's father jethro sings a little tune to him!

through heavens eyes is a masterpiece. i really dont know what else to say also i want jethro to be my dad hes so nice

aaanyway moses and tzipporah get married during the through heavens eyes montage! i just think thats nice

OKAY now juicy stuff the BURNING BUSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the scene in which moses encounter the burning bush and god.

god claims that he has seen his people (the hebrew slaves) suffering and cannot stand for it any longer, so he wishes to send moses as a sort of ambassador of god

and moses doesnt think hes worthy of being god's messenger, which god quickly shuts up by pointing out how he's kind of, like, GOD

and he teaches moses those big old words, "LET MY PEOPLE GO" wahoo!!!!!!

he rushes home to tell tzipporah, and shes like "but ur just one dude" and hes like "well i kinda have to also the hebrews are suffering in slavery so :////"

tzipporah and moses head on over to meet ramesses and theyre all excited to see each other and then moses is like "behold the power of god!!!!!!" and his staff becomes a snake. pretty gnarly if i do say so myself

and then the high priests are like "ok" and start basically performing and rapping the names of the egyptian gods at moses in response i really dont know how to describe it but its basically a whole lotta smoke and mirrors. not actual miracles

moses talks to ramesses and asks him to let his people go, and instead doubles the slave's workload. the slaves basically hate moses now because yeah he technically is the reason theyre getting pushed harder and even his own brother aaron seems to loathe him. miriam talks to moses and he sees ramesses' ship gliding down the nile nearby

he calls out to ramesses and he just sends his guards after him. and so moses brings the staff down and turns the river to blood.

THEN THE REST OF THE PLAGUES ENSUE!!!

theres this specific part of the plagues scene in which ramesses stands between two statues of egyptian gods and glances at them as if to ask why the fuck arent they doing anything about the LITERAL hellfire and general havoc being brought down on the city. just thought that was a really cool detail.

AND OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH passover. i really shouldnt get excited about talking about an event that killed a whole heck ton of kids but its like fnaf at this point who cares ANYWAY THE DEAD KIDS

i already talked about the passover scene but what i didnt include (i think) is how when god's spirit or whatever idk enters the palace, it passes over a statue of ramesses and you just think, oh fuck wait RAMESSES HAD A SON.

and sure enough, that son is dead. moses walks in as ramesses pulls a sheet over his sons dead body and ramesses finally, after all of the plagues, tells moses he can take the hebrews and leave.

as moses walks away you can see ramesses glare at moses because he may have said he was done but. hes not. of course.

moses and the hebrews are leaving with yet another beautiful musical sequence (when you believe) and you can see the hordes of former slaves walking to the sea.

AAND just like i said RAMESSES WASNT FINISHED! he brings a whole bunch of soldiers on horseback and chases the hebrews, and god literally rains fire on them again this time in the form of a flaming tornado that sweeps across the sand, making a big old wall of fire that the egyptian soldiers cant get through

which gives moses the time to do the famous parting of the sea. he brings that staff down in the water and DOES GODS WONDERS!!! yay!!!

watching them walk on the seabed was beautiful. with some lightning strikes you could see the silhouette of some kind of shark swimming in the water (looked it up there are sometimes whale sharks in the red sea this is accurate)

and the fire tornado recedes into the earth, the fire fades, the soldiers chase on at ramesses' orders. the water sweeps them away just as the hebrews make it to the other side and it later cuts back to ramesses, alone on the rocky shore, screaming out at moses. hes completely alone, soldiers presumably dead, and no family to speak of. his side of the sea is cloudy and gloomy, still stormy, but when it jumps back to the hebrews in celebration, the sun shines bright and happy. the hebrews are free.

the movie ends with moses walking down the mountain sinai, ten commandments in hand, while the last snippet of deliver us plays once again.

only one other movie has evoked this much of this kind of emotion in me.(the one movie is klaus LMAO klaus made me ugly cry) there was not a single second of watching this that i didnt have goosebumps.

the movie itself just looks pretty. all of the characters have unique and neat designs. (its also nice to see a movie with only poc in it like im just saying)

the musical scores and numbers are so expertly made. my favorite has to be deliver us but through heavens eyes is a very close second. through heavens eyes made me feel better about myself, in a way. the entire movie was like some healing experience.

all in all, this is an S tier movie, and i BEG BEG BEG anyone who hasn't seen it to watch it. just pirate it or something (i did lol watched it on an illegal streaming site)

if you're not religious and havent seen it, think of it as a chance to learn more about abrahamic faiths. if you are religious and havent seen it, well hey! here you go!!

[doolkat]

overall review of eurovision this year? i can tell you hated moldova and switzerland and said maneskin looks like the type of group to do drugs (which is... weird) but other than that what did you actually like

Good question anon! Also wow people really still read my esc posts from may.. huhu bit embrassing looking back at some of my reactions but I was in the moment ahahah. plus they are justified in my eyes pftt

Maybe I expressed myself too strongly on some things so they came off as very negative.Oops well I got a change to clean that all up now.

I didnt hate maneskin tbh I just dont get the hype.

Only one I truely hated was Moldova lmao cuz the song was geniuely so bad it shouldnt been in finale at all.

Switzerland was bad to me cuz of extreme sensory over load and I dont like french language. Idk I guess I dont have romantic ear but I honestly just dont like the language.

Also I enjoyed almost all songs besides the ones u mentioned!

Personal favorite song and unpopular af opinion is that I enjoyed Australias song technicolor. Also I somehow enjoyed Azerbaijan mata hari, idk it was catchy af!

I felt emotinal connection to Australias song and Azerbaijan was just catchy and kinda funny to me. Idk why it reminded me of Floppa lmaoo

Best stage performance with intresting song to me was Ukraine!Really cool visual and dance. SONG SLAPS WITCH ENERGY

Cool movie like performance and touching entry was by Norway to me.

Finland had some good emo rock song imo. I liked it much more than Italy actully maybe I dont like Italy that much cuz Im bitter that Finland didnt get super high place lol.(Im half finnish so I stand by my finnish emo rock boys)

Lithuania my fellow baltics friend did good performance too this year. I enjoyed their funny performance. If u want some thing funny check Germany and Lithuania. Germany seems kinda like troll entry this year. Lithuanias song was good plus it was funny too kinda.

Speaking of funny DENMARK! they didnt do very good but I loved their song and its catchy af and doesnt take itself too seriously plus if u read the lyrics its a NONSENSE. xd

Hosts this year - absolute ass. My least favorite part about esc this year. Nikkitutorials was there.. yeah but I feel like the hosts didnt make any funny comments and I felt like all the songs came on so so fast cuz there werent really any breaks. My ass had Hard time fully focusing on all songs because of that. I think some people can relate to that. I dont know if I didnt understand the jokes but the host imo didnt have any connection with the audience or viewers. Too many of them anyways to me. I missed Jon Olan Sand too.

Visuals and performances-

very cool and OVERWHELMING. I had at least 3 moments where my head hurted a bit. Could be cuz of the visuals itself being so flashy or just how eyes couldnt catch a break cuz the pauses this year were nonexistant or very very short so for my brain and eyes it was hard to progress. Nothing too Crazy happend on stage tho this time. Giant finger and Greece performance.

Greece performance was pretty cool btw. viusally at least. The song imo was alwful. lol

Voting - AS usual with few suprises. Our estonian host told us in begging of esc that fortune tellers say Italy will win.. and then quess what. So that was kinda boring maybe thats also why I cant seem to like their song. I wish the fortune tellers would be wrong sometime or I wouldnt know but our host Marko Reikop literally always tells us who fortune tellers will think will win so yeah. That always comes AS dissapointment if they are right.

Opinion on Italy : Typical rock stars who happen to bisexual so tumblr and other lgbt communities can pump them up but this time the song happens to be good. Thats what I think please dont take this AS offence but the hype is so overrated like yeah their good and HOT but like we get it.I havent seen this much hype over a winner in a while I dont know why they are so different from every other winner. I just feel like some of this is queerbiting.. idk some thing about lgbt community going so Crazy about bisexual performing is Crazy to me. I just dont get it. IT was good song tho ill give them that but not that much better than other songs in contest.

Over all it was good eurovision imo! I dont rember having this much songs that I liked and saved in my playlist in many years.

I liked the songs and performances I feel like lot of them were high quitaly this year with expection of few countries. The crowd was really seemed to enjoy esc and everyone here on tumblr and on esc reaction communities really seemed in the element! Which made me more hyped and excited to watch esc. IT was very enjoyable event to enjoy with other people from all over the world this year and everyone felt connectef after the pandemic! Thats whats best about it this year imo. Every really seemed to. enjoy themselves and I did too. Eurovision is connecting people and everyone was happy to have it back after last year it didnt happen.!

I dont know anon if u wanted me to do review on all the countries performances too. If yes please do let me know. U can be anonmyous. Illl gladly tell and can even make different post about it.

I know my Italy comment probaly is controversial but I just wanted to get it out.

Thanks for the ask! 💓IT was nice reflecting back on esc!!

[arthurflecksgirl]

Doctor of laughter /Arthurs POV

This is my version of the scene at the childrens hospital and the scene in the phone booth/ Arthurs POV

Doctor of laughter

Name: Dr Arthur

Department: Laughology

Speciality: Baloons

Ironic when you think about it. If not even funny.

They call me doctor of laughter here. Not knowing that I needed to visit the doctors because of my laughter for so many times in my not so funny life. Or maybe it was funny, if you have a really dark sense of humor.

But well, those kids here in the cancer ward don`t know about this and I`m glad they don`t. They shouldnt know that Dr Arthur is more of a patient himself as he is a doctor. My work name as a partyclown is Carnival but the guy who printed my card just used my real name which is also fine because it always melts my heart when one of the kids calls me Dr Arthur. It just feels so personal and makes me feel needed. Like I`m truly fulfilling my purpose here. Maybe I didnt managed to bring laughter and joy to this world, not even to Gotham but here in this hospital room the magic is happening. I`m the man I want to be. Here in this small room, filled with these kids who know what suffering and lonelyness means I can do something right. Here in this ward I`m living my dream. Making people happy. The kids just know and feel that this is who I am and why I am here for. they feel it. And they need to feel it because they need a moment of happiness just as much as I do.

I look at their faces and you can tell that they have been through so much. I just want to give them a glimpse of joy. Even if its not inside of myself, especially because it isnt. But seeing them smile, even for just a second makes me think that I felt it too. For a small moment there was this  glimmer inside. The taste of doing something that has a purpose.

I wonder how many of them are lonely. Not just now here at the hospital but when they`re at home. I wonder if any of those kids feels missunderstood or left  by their parents like I did. Or worse. I wonder if any of them will come up to me some day and say "Dr Arthur. I need someone to talk to."

I look at their faces and wonder if they are loved by their families. And I hope they are, wondering how they will feel when they`re back home. Some days in my life, I felt saver in a hospital bed. Which tells so much about life at home. I hope none of those kids feels better here than with their families. I look at each one of the faces. Trying to take a look behind the tiredness that comes with the chemo. Do they look like they areren`t loved by their family? How did I look as a kid? Could you tell?

I love the way they look at me while I am doing my little performance to "If you happy when you know it". It is so much easier to make kids smile. I`d love to have kids myself one day. I´ll be the clown daddy. Just imagin my child`s friends would go "What your daddy is a clown? For real? Thats so cool! He should come visit us on our birthday!" And of course I would be there and do their make up so all kids on the party would be clowns and thats just too adorable to think of.

Yeah I sometimes do dream about this, but thats another story. I dont think I will be a dad in the near future. But maybe I could be something close to a dad to Sophies daughter Gigi.

"If you happy and you know it wiggle your ears" I touch my ears and move my lips to the music that plays from the cassette player . Sometimes I also sing along for real because I couldnt help it. I have a thing for singing and dancing. Some of the kids touch their ears too. Some others sing the lyrics. And some are just too shy or weak to do more than just sit and watch. I try my best to look at everyone of them. No child should feel left out. Thats another really important thing for me,too. To not let any kid feel ignored. Ignorance is hell and I dont want to do this to anyone. Imagin there is this one really shy kid in the corner and you almost didnt notice because you are distracted by the other kids who are closer to you, singing. And the next night this kid might lie awake in the hospital bed, wondering why Dr Arthur, the friendly clown wouldnt even look him or her in the eyes. I just cant stand this thought. So I look at each one of them every single time. Try to animate them. I wanna be a good memory.

"If you happy and you know it and you really wanna show it...."

The word happy can be a trigger for me. Because thats the name my mum gave to me. The most unfit name in the world.

"....if your happy and you know it wiggle your ears" I turn to the kid sitting on the chair beside me and knee down. The doctor standing by the window is looking at the kids face. I guess it feels good to her to see the kid smile, finally. It made her grin too.

This makes me feel energetic like, I really get lost in my little dance for a second. Wearing the white  hospital clothes felt weird in the beggining. They reminded me of Arkham and I asked the doctors if I really have to put them on. But they explained to me that this has a good effect on the kids.They feel like I am one of them when wearing the same clothes and I coudnt say no to that.

"If you`re happy and you know it stomp your feet...." I turn to the other side, spinning around, lift my hands up in the air. Even the other doctor has joined singing. This job is the only thing in my life that I dont hate.

".....If your happy and you know it and you really want to show it , if you happy and you know it stomp your feet."

I do. I do stomp my feet. Forgetting that I keep the gun under my clothes.

It makes a noise falling right to my feet. My reaction is fast. A high pitched scream is escaping my red painted lips. I remember this trick when comedians try to pick something up and it just keeps slipping away. Maybe I can make it look like a part o my act.

This wasnt planned or was it? Is there any chance I thought this would be funny when I left the house to go to work? Why did it fell out so easily? I can`t remember. But it surely doesnt feel good now.

Anyway, I pick up the gun and hide it under the hospital clothes, acting like I`m a bit embarrassed but gigglelish about what happened. I press my index finger to my lips and chuckle. Most of the kids look more than surprised, but then there is this lttle girl standing right in front of me is forming her hand to a gun and points it at me. I really like her.

Half an hour later I find myself in a phone booth taking to my chef. No good news are on the way.

"Hoyt, please! I love this job!"

I mean this as I say it. This job is important to me. Its a motivation after waking up. Knowing that there are sad faced kids I can make laugh again. I even try to ignore my workmates bullying me and all. I just want to go to hospitals and kids partys and be Dr Arthur or the birthday surprise. He cannot take this away from me. I hope he is bying my lie of the gun being fake. I wish Randall wouldnt have given it to me in the first place. I just knew that this is not going to end well. Why did he do this to me? Is this what he intended? Was this Randalls plan all along? Getting me fired by knowing that something would happen involving the gun?

Hoyt asks me why I brought a gun into the kids hospital and I explain to him that its a prob, a part of my act now. he doesnt belive me, raises his voice. "Thats bullshit, bullshit. What kinda clown carries a fucking gun? Besides Randall told me you tried to buy a 38 off him last week."

I knew it. I just knew there was something up with Randall giving me his gun. Him claiming I tried to buy it off him is proof enough. Its all lies. All lies. As if I would have wanted this damn thing. I told him I`m not supposed to have a gun and he still gave it to me, claiming to be worried about me being attacked out on the steets.  Nice try, Randall. I bet you hoped I would kill myself with it by accident. But losing my job is just as good for you. Now you dont have to deal with my laughter anymore.

"Randall told you that?"

I cant belive this is happening right now. I cant belive he is beliving in Randalls words instead of what I am trying to tell him.

"You`re a fuck up, Arthur. And a liar. You`re fired!"

Hoyt hangs up the phone.

This is a nightmare.  The only good thing I had in my life just ended.

I put my head to the cold glass of the phone booth and bang my forehead against it. The glass is cracking. I know there is a sharp pain but I can`t even feel it.

[elliethesuperfruitlover]

tw/venting

ayo the thought of having to go back to school in a little over a month is fucking wild. like.....i feel like i just got out of school and binge watched invincible for the first time. IT FEELS LIKE YESTERDAY. it’s extremely scary thinking about how fast time is passing by because i keep doing the same thing everyday. there’s barely any change in anything. not allowed outside. my IRL friends arent vaxxed yet, and even if they were, my mom’s suspicious of my intentions when going out. and lets not get into the fact that school doesnt stress me out as much, but i’ll be damned if i dont have awful test anxiety still. i feel like everything is fucking passing me by and that sucks ASS. my classmates are going out to beaches and shit, and posting on insta (good for them, i probably need to touch some grass) but like?? i feel like im just being robbed of my life. and teen years and all that. 

i know the pandemic has been hard for LITERALLY everyone. (if you said 2020 was a good year, hush, you’re alone in that regard bestie, dont wanna hear it) but i just......im finally recognizing feelings and all that (shit’s scary man) my thoughts dont match my body whatsoever (not dysphoria, its derealization, or something similar). thats so scary to me. sometimes i catch myself in the mirror and im talking and im like...”thats not me.....oh fuck, it is me.” so i dont look in the mirror and talk aloud, is what im saying. i’ll have a breakdown. but im extremely extroverted. i love people, and seeing people and hugging people. and not feeling like every day that i spend inside of my fucking house is a waste of time because time travel doesnt exist and i cant get any of these days back. at all. it is a never ending cycle. i just want a hug, dude. i’ve never experienced cuddling before either. i would love to platonically cuddle someone. but i got rid of toxic friends (still not over it) and got very radicalized...but for what. my own knowledge and betterment.....but eh. plus i traumadump, nobody wants to hear my sob story, i need to hush. and get in contact with my therapist. and discuss my anxiety issues. and possible depression. and PTSD and so many other things because it’s really not cute. anyways.

also heyy, my body issues are back. like?? hello. not that they ever went away, they just steep for a bit, then start boiling back. and that’s torture for me. having a generally okay body is fine, but then i realize that when i do wear pants, they’re either my overalls (comfort and queerness) or jeans. and yay those are tighter than they were last time. and i know weight fluctuation is a thing that happens, but i really feel like i could do more to not feel as bad. (i mean, sure, i could, but exercising makes me feel horrible mentally so). i see classmates thin and everything (i know thin isnt always healthy, but a part of me wishes that i was bone thin, we wont talk about it) and i know “every body is a bikini body” and i support that initiative 1,000 percent, but A. i have no idea if my parents would even let me get one if i wanted one (i dont) and B. i dont have the confidence to wear something like that. i even hate the fucking swimsuit that i have. i want the fucking full length victorian swimsuits with a shirt and fucking shorts because i cant stand being exposed. my stomach pokes out too much. my arms arent muscly like they were some years back. i just feel....so weird. and the “oh she’s smart, she cant be hot.” one or the other type shit that my brain keeps trying to tell me is real ia NASTY. like heyyy i have a brain, and i use it most days, but my body also shouldnt be fuckshitted like this. this collection of skin and bones keeps me safe (but not from my brain, its on some different shit)

another thing is that i can not wear exposing things. ugh, i would feel so just....out in the open. im literally scared of someone coming behind me and fucking groping me, or slapping my ass. (valid fear) but i literally fucking HATE feeling like that. one, I AM UNDERAGED, and two, ITS NASTY EITHER WAY. and if i went to school, and wore something mildly form fitting, i’d be pushing my body forward to look less noticeable (i dont trust seniors), or pulling my jacket down (i always wear jackets in school) so people arent looking at me. that sucks. and i wish i didnt make my anxiety that bad as to where it just sucks to exist. with a human flesh prison that looks a certain way. i kinda just want to hide my body. permanently. (not dysphoria related, my tits are fine, if they stay, cool, if they don’t, cool) but like...ugh.

and this is where it gets EXTREMELY dark, trigger warning for suicide mention.

yeah last year on the first week of school (virtual) i really wanted to kill myself. which like..isnt okay. i havent really told anyone about that either. because it was an extremely low point for me. i just didn’t think that i could fucking make it through the entire year. all those assignments, and all those days, wasted. im not learning anything valuable (besides maybe science and finance)...i dont know what the fuck i want to do with my life. there’s no such thing as ethical consumption so i’m gonna be contributing to something fucked up, no matter what i do. im weird. and political. and opinionated. and into so many different things. which, y’know, should be cool and fun and fresh. but it terrifies me to know that other people arent like me. that they many never understand my interests. and i feel like this with EVERYONE in EVERY class. unless i see a similar interest. or a tiny flag. but the thought of introducing myself again and again. to more people. who i may never fucking see again. who probably dont care about me. kinda discourages you a bit. so yeah, i really wanted to off myself. it seemed so impossible to get through everything. and then heyyy, near the end of the year, something really shitty happened. was depressed. told my mom i may be autistic... “okay...well....getting diagnoses takes a lot of money. so unless you have 700 bucks laying around....then no.” (who says the person who may ALSO be autistic along with me) few weeks back, talking about my therapist who wanted to talk through the DSM-4 with me “you really think you’re autistic huh.” of course mom. why else would i have written a paper about it, followed actually autistic accounts, and done research on it.

then near the next year, i sucked even more ass. friend shit broke me down and i felt....like i fucked up. which i did. and like i cant keep people in my life. (which is partially true) and i felt more physically exhausted than i had in literal years. i feel very deeply, and especially with negative emotions. so that really fucked me up. (may be something more serious, i have no idea) so there’s that. i just....i’ve never felt like i had been so awful in some time. like i let everyone around me down. so no more of /those/ situations. i dont sleep correctly when my hair is wet, so you can imagine how my dreams were THAT night.

but yeah, i dont feel like wanting to kill myself again. because i know it’s not worth it. but something just keeps pulling me deeper into these disgusting pits of awfulness. like there’s no other way out. (wrong) and gritting my teeth and willing myself to do things is going to hurt, but it’s quite literally the only choice i have. i cant give up. so there’s that. my thoughts and everything. yeah.....it’s 5:10 in the morning, im going the fuck to sleep.

[whataplottwistyouwere]

My answer to @ottogatto

We have. Every right. To dislike a character. And like another. Especially if they are very different. No matter if it bothers you.

Okay first of all, of course I have no right to tell you what you should say or what you should think.

What I meant was you say Snape is a grey character and you said he bullied, yes. But you forgave him. And yet you can’t forgive James Potter. Who bullied Snape,yes. But who became an amazing person. He was whiter than Snape.

Theres one thing I still can’t understand. HOW CAN YOU JUSTIFY SNAPES BULLYING AND NOT JAMES’S. Of course you can hate James, but you can’t hate him for his bullying; because yourself, is supporting a bully. Which means you have unreasonable hatred AGANIST James.

And of course you can have it. It’s your life and you can do whatever you want. But you have to UNDERSTAND THAT HE WAS A BULLY TOO.

And as much as you have the right to hate James I have the right to hate Snape. And I know you are aware of it.

I understand people liking Snape, but there’s two things I can’t stand. People hating James and people shipping Snily🤮🤮🤮. Im fully aware that everyone can have their opinions. But when i posted a funny post about “Albus S**erus”’s name IN MY OWN BLOG people attacked me.

I didn’t ever blame James for protecting his friends -- I literally said that was “Good” or “Great”. I literally said that the fact he joined the Order was good. I didn’t forget it. I pointed out his flaws just like you exclusively did on Snape’s part.

Yes, but no one wants to read James’s good traits and when they do; they say “good” “great”. The thing you say “good” and “great” to is him risking his own life for the wizarding world. I think he deserves more than “good”

And everyone is so focused on what James did as a 15 year old, a teenager; no one wants to see him as an adult. I’m so sad for James. Can you imagine it? You Do your best for your family and for the wizarding world and get hated because you bUlLiEd a death eater. I’m sure you all went to Highschool. Is every snape’s Fans are saints? No. Did you do nothing bad?!

Snape did everything I talked about as an adult. But Snape Fans ARENT over what a 15 year old boy did! So I’ll discuss that for hours.

There is no evidence that Snape killed people, you made it up (unless you count how he led Lily and James to their deaths, despite his efforts to prevent this). In fact, his position as a spy clearly states that he wasn’t on the battlefield slaughtering people. On the contrary, Voldemort sent him to try and have him as a spy teacher, which means that Snape couldn’t be known to kill people in the meantime. We have further evidence: Bellatrix does blame Snape for “always slithering out of action” as a spy, which point out that as a double-agent (and later as Dumbledore’s spy), he tried not to kill people. On the other hand I could say that James could have killed people. Why not? If McGonagall says “we fight to kill” and if James hate those Death Eaters so much he could have killed the people of the other side.

You said Snape probably didn’t kill anyone because he was a spy. You are wrong. Snape became a spy after Lily died. So in the First Wizarding War, he wasn’t a spy. He was a death eater on the field. Also Bellatrix Blamed Snape on HBP, which is the Second Wizarding War. I never said snape killed people in the 2.WW. I said in the the First wizarding war.

James was an auror. Of course he killed people. He killed Death Eaters. ITS NOT A BAD THING LMAOOOOOO. Every auror killed Death Eaters. Dumbledore,McGonagall,Sirius,Remus, and literally everyone who fought for the right side

The level of Fred and George’s hexing -- even though I don’t like how they burned a hold through Ron’s tongue, imprisoned Montague in a limbo, and killed an animal for fun -- doesn’t reach at all the level of bullying James and the Marauders perpetrated. In fact, Harry thinks, in OotP, that even Fred and George wouldn’t do what they did.

Ohh, you don’t like Fred and George too. To be honest , I’m just repeating myself at this point. If you don’t like Fred and george, how can I expect you to like James.

WE CALL IT PRANKS. OF COURSE I DONT SUPPORT ALL OF FRED&GEORGES ACTIONS NOR MARAUDERS’s ACTIONS. But you hate them for their pranks (yeah, I’ll say pranks because what they did to Snape was mutual. “Snape Never missed a time to hex James” THIS IS CANON. Yes, he might not have tried to curse James after that exam. BUT IT DOESNT MEAN HE NEVER DID!!! BUT YES BLAME AN AMAZING MAN WHO FOUGHT FOR THE RIGHT SIDE, FOR ONE FRICKIN MEMORY. This whole story is one sided because we only saw James bully not Snape)

He used Dark Magic as self-defense in SWM -- the Marauders chocked him, tormented him, sent him to his death, sexually assaulted him. Dark Magic could have been punished by the professors. Doesn’t excuse the Marauders for bullying. Whether. Or not. They use Dark Magic. What’s the point of repeating myself though if you don’t want to understand my points in my previous answer?

Okay don’t trying to be rude, but aren’t you a little bit dramatic here. “Chocked him, tormented him,.....” LMAOOO. Im sorry but you cant prove that they s*xualy assualted him because it was never said that they removed his underwear or not. Also dark magic SHOULDNT be considered. YES YOU HAVE TO STICK UP FOR YOURSELF BUT DARK MAGIC ISNT THE ANSWER. And if you think, using dark magic is acceptable; I don’t think I can change your mind

Also in the Werewolf Incident, it’s %100 Sirius’s fault. I will not defend him. But I’m sure he didn’t want him to die. But James risked his life for Snape. Also you said “why Snape would ask forgiveness for his bully [to Voldemort]” Because when you are a nice person, you don’t care whether you like this person or not. You don’t want anyone to die. Even if that’s your biggest enemy. Don’t I have people who I hate? yes. But I would never want their death. And so didn’t James, so he saved Snape’s life’s . But sure , ignore this too.

Snape said that what Mulciber/Avery/other Slytherins did to Mary (and we don’t know what that was) is a joke -- he uses the same excuse as the Marauders in front of Lily, who bites the bait. This allows him to point out to Lily that they are no different. I do wish not to repeat myself about how Hermione mutilated someone’s face and gets out with it, though it could have been Dark Magic as well, seeing how it can’t get off and how serious this is (doesn’t mean I hate her -- I actually like Hermione).

I don’t love Hermione, and I don’t know if it’s dark magic or not; so I don’t think I can argue about that. But however, I want to point something out. Snape said “it was a joke” to Dark Magic while Marauders used prank spells

See the difference ?

Okay so, you can’t stand James bullying and I can’t stand Snape bullying. But they were teenagers, weren’t they? Okay. I’ll hypothetically forgive Snape for what he did as a teenager and you’ll hypothetically forgive James for what he did as a teenager

All of the reasons you hate James is from his teenager hood (?). You are hating a 15 year old CHILD. Okay. Let’s skip to the adult part. Who was a death eater as an adult and who was a member of the OOTP as an adult. Every Snape fan loves Lily. And lily loves James. Do you think James gave Lily drugs and made her fall in love LMAOOOOO. In the end of the day LILY CHOOSE JAMES. Lily is no one’s property and she doesn’t belong with Snape. She’s her own person and she choose James. If James is that horrible person you keep talking about how do Lily love him? How do McGonagall and all of the teachers love him. I was trying to stay calm when I wrote 728281 essays. But I keep repeating the same thing because no one reads them and they just reply from their deliusuonal world. I was on my phone all day, and I did nothing else. Of course, no one is forcing me and I love debating. But my essays don’t change anything at all!! I feel like I wrote them for nothing and I keep repeating it.

It isn’t confirmed that if Lily’s son hadn’t been threatened then Snape wouldn’t have changed sides. You made it up. Because guess what? I can still say he would have changed sides because he was growing disgusted by Voldemort’s actions, or because he couldn’t bear knowing that Lily was undergoing too much danger. And what if he wouldn’t have changed sides? Doesn’t matter, because he did it in the end, which doesn’t make it less brave. There are a bunch of heroes who wouldn’t have lifted a finger for the right cause hadn’t their loved ones been threatened (Katniss, Eren, etc) and yet does it make them less heroic? No because you don’t only judge someone by their initial motive -- but by their actions. Snape was the reason many were saved -- including Harry, Hermione and Neville, mind you. Which would make me repeat again my earlier poin

Yes it is confirmed. This question was asked to JKR in 2007(I’m sorry I’m not sure about the year) JKR wasn’t a bad person back then, and the books/movies were JUST released. Someone asked “would snape change sides if Lily wasn’t in danger” and she answered “no. he probably wouldn’t, I don’t think so” which is another proof that, snape changed sides because of his own selfish reasons.

And you are wrong about the hero thing. If lily wasn’t in danger, snape would contiune being a death eater and kill innocent people. Of course Katniss wouldn’t volunteer if her loved ones weren’t in danger. But even if Katniss didn’t volunteer. She was a nice person. Even before she volunteered she was a hero who tried to help people. The problem I have is if lily wasn’t in danger snape would kill innocent people. If Prim wasn’t in danger would Katniss kill innocent people? no. She would’ve continued living. That’s the difference.

Also as I said before I have an amazing discussion why Snape isn’t brave. Please read that because I’m so tired of repeating myself. My problem isn’t with Snape. My problem is him being overrated and him being “the bravest man” but he actually isn’t

I’ve already proven to you that bullying is always one-sided (especially 4-on-1 bullying) and that Snape “didn’t bully James back” but was actually trying to mind his own business -- that what Sirius says is what bullies typically say to blame the victim and thus sees his words put into question.

As many Snape Fans you are making excuses and the excuse here is “Sirius’s POV is biased”.

But what if it’s not. You can’t hate someone because of the possibility of Sirius having a biased POV. It’s only a possibility.

And you know what else is a possibility. Snape’s POV might be biased too. What if he’s overreacting. It’s his own memory. We cant be sure it’s %100 true.

Yet I act and answer like it’s %100 true because we have no proof that says otherwise. Same with Sirius, you have to act like it’s canon.

Also if James didn’t change why would Lily marry him. You can’t say Lily’s mind was biased, can you? LMAOOO

Indeed he bullied Neville and Harry. Wow. Big news of the Earth. But do rest assured that Snape, if given the choice, wouldn’t have stayed a teacher. He was a spy, not a teacher. He was an adult, and what do the other adults in HP? Molly tells her children to respectfully call him “Professor Snape”, Lupin says that Snape was right in some points, McGonagall stays friends with him, the other professors seem to quite like him, Dumbledore let him be harsh/bullying. Well I mean, when McGonagall uses death threats as punishment and shames Neville, when Trelawney shoves a book in Neville’s belly in rage, when Flitwick shrieks at his students and throws Trevor at the other side of the classroom -- because if you hadn’t read it, Neville was said not to be coddled in other courses as well -- when at least half of the teachers in Hogwarts should go have a check with an organization that tells them how to behave, I’m not going to blame Snape only. Personally I would have left the school the moment I knew the professors and Dumbledore allowed extreme bullying to occur, left barely punished.

Oh poor Snape. Did he do a job he hated!!! HOW CAN YOU USE THIS AS AN EXCUSE. HE BULLIED CHILDREN. THE CHILDREN HE WAS RESPONSIBLE OF. AND HIM NOT WANTING JOB IS AN EXCUSE!!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME. This is absolutely no excuse. None of us do what we want to , but you can’t take your anger or your hatred from innocent children

I explained to you the Boggart. It’s up to you to listen or no.

Of course I listened to you, but I don’t think it has explanation nor an excuse. What he did was unforgivable and unjustifiable

Snape changed and I have given you the evidence. That he didn’t act nice -- even that I would partially explain as being his play as a deep cover double agent. What would Voldemort do if he learned that he coddled Neville? And really, he mostly wanted Neville to try and once succeed at following recipes, not making the potion explode or melt the cauldron along with his feet. Did he go out of his way to track Harry and Neville down to assign them detention? Did he mock Neville for being the child of vegetative parents? Clearly you haven’t seen the worst.

Clearly I haven’t seen the worst!!! Excuse me!! He humiliated him in front of Slytherins which ended up him getting bullied. He ruined his self esteem and he wasn’t able to do anything. He already had a hard childhood and he made him feel like a piece of sh** PLEASE DONT TRY TO MAKE AN EXCUSE. SNAPE FU**ED UP NEVILLES CHILDHOOD AND HIS MENTAL HEALTH. DO YOU THINK ITS OKAY. “It IsNt ThE WoRsT” I THOUGHT THIS TOPIC WAS OFF DEBATABLE. BULLYING A CHILD YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE OF ISNT OKAY.

I mean, Snape did become a young adult and tried to cope with what he lived. Wanna know how? He came to think that emotions were weaknesses (indeed it could cost his life), that discipline was essential, that rule-breaking was intolerable, and that you must be rigorous in your work. That those who “hold their hearts on their sleeves” are foolish and weak. Ah yes, that happens when you lived the last 22 years in the very place in which you were bullied, without access to any psychological help.

To be honest I don’t know why I’m discussing this with you, if you have this moral!!! HARD DISCIPLINE WAS NECESSARY!!!! THIS ISNT HARD DISCIPLINE THIS IS BULLYING. ACCEPT IT.

Still - I understand if you don’t like Snape for his bullying attitude. What I don’t agree with, on the other hand, is how you claim that Snape’s Patronus was a sign of obsession. I wonder what that makes Tonks then, whose Patronus changed as well? Or Harry having his father’s Patronus (oof)? Besides assuming that Snape’s Patronus changed at all -- you say that true love isn’t obsession. Guess what? Patronuses represent true love. Snape wasn’t obsessed, but James showed obsessive misogynistic behavior against Lily -- I proved it twice. If you’re going to tell me that characters can’t have Patronuses of the other sex and that Patronuses of different sexes (male/female) are the true sign of love while Patronuses of the same gender equals obsession then I’m going to call you homo/queerphobic. Yeah, have you thought about what those later assumptions meant?

If you want to I can discuss why James and Lily are soulmates. Why Jily is superior and why Snily is even disgusting to think.

Snape didn’t ruin Harry’s childhood. Voldemort did. If not for Snape Harry would have had no childhood. Especially when you know that the only reason Lily was given a choice to sacrifice her life for Harry (thus giving blood protection) is because Voldemort was convinced by Snape to spare her. If Snape hadn’t asked this, Lily would have had no choice but to die, and Harry would have followed. Must I mention how Harry would have been killed at 11 if not for Snape.

Also let’s love snape; who supposedly protected Harry. “You know what Harry, your mom didn’t loved me 82929 years ago also your dad was cooler than me, so I will treat you and your friends like sh*t

He never changed nor matured. He didn’t move on from Lily but he abused Harry because of his father.

Also thank you Snape for not killing Harry at 11. If Dumbledore told his suspicions to any other teacher, they would’ve done the same. Thank you Snape for not letting Harry fall from his broom.

And indeed it’s the same thing over and over again: I have the right (and the reasons) to dislike James and love Snape, just as you have the right (and the reasons) to dislike Snape and love James.

I won’t force you to like anyone. But you can’t + shouldn’t hate James because he was a bully. Snape was a bully too. You cant love a bully but also hate a bully. You should find more reasons to hate him. But it’s really hard to find reasons to hate James Potter who sacrificed himself for the world. Of course we will only focus on what he did as a 15 year old child. But what snape did at 15 has 392929 excuses.

Thank you for discussing this with me in an humane way. I highly encourage you to read my previous posts because I mentioned everything. Literally everything. I’m repeating myself at this point

[wuvbug-kny]

too late — kamado tanjirou

↬ tw!! suicidal thoughts

↬ tanjirou x fem!reader x inosuke

↬ genre: angst

“i-i really do like you..um, it wasnt easy to confess b-but..yeah..”

my body shook. my head ached. my anxiety was over the roof. what was i thinking, why would i confess to him?! oh god. im going insane. what was i thinking..

i felt tears in my eyes start to form as my body got hotter by the second. my fists were clenches togethee tightly, nails digging into my palms as my heart raced at an unsteady pace. i gulped. why wasnt he saying anything? why is he just standing there? oh no.. my eyes remained stuck onto the ground as the knot in my throat got tighter. the tears that had formed in my eyes began to fall to the ground, and out of embarassment i lowered my head even more hoping he wouldnt notice.

tanjirou, please dont break me more than i already am broken.

“(y/n)..”

“y-yes?”

“im sorry.

i cant reciprocate your feelings.”

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈•ﾟ｡

i felt numb. i felt like complete, utter trash.

i felt worthless. i feel worthless.

of course it turned out that way.

why did i get my hopes up? why was i so dumb? to think someone like him would love such a lonely, miserable girl like me.

my heart ached. ever since i felt like the hole in my chest had gotten the biggest its ever been. it hurt, the pain was incredibly painful, i felt like i seeped even more into darkness than the darkness i was emorsed in before.

god, why am i so miserable? what is this life you’ve given me? what is my purpose?

sometimes, no, at all times i just want to disappear.

the knock on my door startled me, causing me to jump up from my laying position on my bed, in result of getting up too fast i had landed on my floor painfully. i grunted in pain as more tears began to spilled out from my eyes.

im miserable..

quickly sitting up, i wiped the tears from my tomato reddened face before sucking everything up as best as i could.

“y-yes?” i replied to the knocking coming from my door.

the knocking got even louder.

confused, i called out again. “y-yes??”

i jumped, shrieking slightly as the door was kicked open. am i under attack? but this is the butterfly estate! scrambling to my bed like the coward i was, i quickly pulled out my blade, pointing it towards the now beaten down door.

“w-who is it??” i shivered.

“(y/n), you bird brain! training has started and everyone is still waiting on you!!”

in came inosuke, wearing his boar mask as usual.

i lowered my blade and sighed shakily, before putting it away. “i-inosuke..you scared me. you could of just answered to me instead of kicking my door open..” i said, getting up from the bed.

“whatever! you should be at training! you’re holding everyone up, you stupid hag!” he huffed, crossing his arms.

i forcefully made myself laugh, even though i was in now way amused by his words.

hes right.

im a burden to everybody.

i shouldnt be here.

i should just die.

im so worthless.

everyone would be better off without me.

without realizing, i felt the warmness of my tears flowing down my face. i felt my heart ache so badly, my body shaking.

unable to hold my stance, i fall to the floor. sobbing.

because im so pathetic.

taking my bruised up hands, i quickly try to wipe the tears away but they just keep coming, and coming. i cant stop. i cant stop. my bubble has bursted, i have no more energy, i have no energy to keep it all in anymore, i cant control myself.

as i was too busy drowning in my negative, self killing thoughts, i was interrupted when my hands were pulled away from my face.

a little taken aback, but still having tears flowing down my face, i looked up.

inosuke..

“what are you, a baby? stop it.” he grumbled as he wiped my tears away with his thumb. his thumb glided across my cheek, flicking my tears away as gently as ever. for a moment i felt my heart warm. this is the first time ive ever been carressed so gently. i loved the feeling, but at the same time surprised as to who i was recieving it from.

“dont cry anymore. i dont like it.” his hands gently carressed my face now as his emerald eyes looked into mine. i felt my heart skip a beat, the empty deep feeling in my chest being forgotten at the very moment. i couldnt look away from his eyes.

for the first time ever, i felt like. i was okay.

i teared up again, but before i could let the tears spill i engulfed inosuke in a hug. an endearing, loving, grateful hug. i sobbed as i buried my face into his chest.

“t-thank you. thank you so much.”

i felt his arms wrap around my shaking figure gently, as he at the same time patted my head.

i was honestly surprised as to what was going on right now. out of all people, inosuke.

you’ve made me so happy. you’ve made me feel safe, okay, and wanted.

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈•ﾟ｡

two months had passed ever since tanjirou had turned me down.

honestly, i had nothing against tanjirou. i never expected him to like me, heck, love me back even. i never expected him to reciprocate my feelings. but at the same time, i felt like i still had a chance. i dont know what was going through my mind at the time.

i still loved tanjirou. maybe not as much as before, but i knew i still had the slightesy feelings for him. i try my best to talk to him as if nothing had ever happened. i really just want to move on from it.

as much as i hate myself for it, seeing him and talking to him makes me feel worthless. i hate myself for feeling that way. if i could go back in time and redo everything, i most certainly would.

what hurt me even more was to see how close he had gotten himself with kanao. it was no surprise to me, honestly. kanao is a very pretty girl, and she’s just way better than me in general in regards to demon slaying and skill wise.

no wonder tanjirou would take interest in her.

i was happy for him, i really was. i held no resent towards kanao at all. afterall, it would be petty and childish.

kanao was a dear friend to me and if they really did have chemistry between one another, i do really wish them the best.

i just cant help but pity myself.

“(y/n)!”

i squeaked in surprise as i was suddenly lifted off the ground by a pair of arms around my waste and twirled around. it took me a moment to realize that it was nobody but inosuke, before having a giggling fit.

“i-inosuke! put me down!” i laughed as he started to make plane noises. i felt myself blush as his eyes locked itself with mine, before averting my gaze to block him from noticing my face had turned into a tomato red.

ever since i broke down in front of inosuke and had him comfort me, we’ve gotten a lot closer. not much has changed between us personality wise, but he associated with me way more and always seemed ready whenever id ask him a favor, etc. he also now liked to pick me up and pretend to toss me, or making plane noises as he twirled me around.

he’s honestly like my best friend now. i can actually talk to him about how i feel deep down inside. he listens but doesnt really give much input on it, but i dont mind. its inosuke afterall, what can i expect? all im grateful for is that he listens.

inosuke grinned before setting me back down on the floor. he patted my hat before literally collapsing onto the grass covered ground, yawning and using his arms to rest his head on.

“im tired, (y/n). take a nap with me.” he grunted, patting the spot next to him. i smiled before laying down too, as i looked up at the sky.

“hey, inosu-“ i cut myself off after i had looked at him and noticed he was already out like a light. i giggled a bit. hes such a baby, honestly.

i stared at his face a bit more and noticed how pretty and feminine his features were. his eyelashes were curled and at a beautiful length, his lips slightly parted making him look angelic. his fair skin with no scars made him look like an angel.

jeez, god really do be picking favorites.

i sighed before laying back down on the grass, closing my eyes as i rested my head on inosuke’s chest. i felt myself sleeping into sleep and just let it happen.

this was one of the many times i felt at peace, always with inosuke.

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈•ﾟ｡

“im telling you, inosuke and (y/n) have a thing going on! have you seen how they are with each other?!” falling onto the floor, zenitsu started to sob. “why, out of all people, him?! a pretty girl like (y/n) deserves better! eUUugGNnN!!”

“what are you guys talking about?” tanjirou asked as he walked into the room, a smile worn on his face as he laughed at zenitsu obviously being overdramatic about whatever it was.

aoi and the other three girls sighed as they continued on eating their lunch.

“zenitsu thinks (y/n) and inosuke are dating and hes freaking out about it because he knows he’ll never get someone as pretty as (y/n).” aoi said, laughing at the last part.

tanjirou froze, before laughing nervously. “aaah, dont say that, im sure zenitsu will find someone one day!”

aoi shrugged, followed on by more giggles coming from sumi and the two others.

“are (y/n) and inosuke really dating?” tanjirou asked, sitting down.

“dont even mention it! agh!” zenitsu cried from his laying position on the ground, before burying his face in his arms again.

aoi rolled her eyes before moving onto answering tanjirou. “well..no, actually yeah, no, we dont know. i mean it looks like it. they’ve gotten a lot of closer and inosuke is always up on (y/n) now. i mean, they’d make a really cute couple! i see the way (y/n) lights up when shes around him.”

“a-ah. i see.” tanjirou said, letting out a slight laugh. “well, im gonna head out to train now. ill see you all at dinner.”

aoi and the three girls said goodbye to him as he made his exit.

tanjirou walked down the halls of the butterfly estate, before stumbling upon the garden. he sighed, walking out with the intention to take a look at the peaceful view of the garden meadow and for some fresh air.

his peace was interrupted, however, as his eyes locked upon two well known people cuddled up on the garden grass, taking a peaceful nap.

his fists clenched, and so did his teeth.

he felt jealousy over power him. he did not realize it, but it was there and he felt it. he just didnt know what it was.

but what he knew, was regret.

that he had let (y/n) slip past him.

[nonbinaryresource]

ive been thinking abt this for a little while & have been needing to ask someone abt it. i am nb & have always considered myself trans but recently ive not been vibing with the trans label bc i am so sick of seeing ppl exclude & invalidate nb ppl. ik that i shouldnt stop doing smth just bc other ppl r being assholes but its so tiring to see ppl constantly say how u dont belong or arent valid. srry this is long & kinda rambly i just dont really know how to feel abt it

I will directly address your ask, but I’m going to start by telling you a story about my journey with identifying as asexual and queer.

.

When I was about 11, my friends suddenly started drooling over magazines and calling people hot, and I didn’t know what it was, but I knew I did not feel whatever it is my friends were feeling.

Until I was about 16/17, this part of me remained a mystery to me and to my friends. I never had crushes, I never found people hot, I never liked complimenting people physically, I was uncomfortable with sex on TV, and I didn’t even like platonic touch. Now my group of friends were all repressed and closeted queer folk, so I didn’t have to deal with “being left behind” as my friends dated. But the later we got into high school, the more my friends began discovering and exploring their sexualities.  A freshman became a part of our friend group and was openly trans and gay. One friend came out as gay. Another as bi. They started commenting more and more about other’s looks and having crushes.

Still, there was nothing on my end. My friends used to think I was just being vague and secretive because this is what I tended to be like. I don’t think they’ve ever realized how much of it was that I truly didn’t know or understand what my lack of sexual feelings meant or that it could even mean anything. I used to just consider it a “nothingness” of myself. Until, by complete chance, I came across the term asexual. I immediately connected with it. It explained so much that I didn’t even know I needed explained.

I came out quickly after that and I was really excited and happy and proud to know who I was and what how I felt meant. My friends were great and supportive. My mom was a little ignorant but overall supportive. AVEN was great and a community for me. But if I tried to talk about it anywhere else online…

Well, the effects of how people treated me would fester for years. See, I came out as asexual before exclusionism (the specific movement of anti-aro and anti-ace erasure and gatekeeping from lgbt+ spaces) was a movement or a named thing. Yet exclusionist attitudes were exactly what I faced. My queer friends all completely accepted me as one of them and I helped co-run our school’s new GSA with the rest of them. But online, as a teen, I was facing 30+ year olds telling me I wasn’t queer and that I was just trying to seem special and that I needed to shut up about my asexuality and my experiences and that I wasn’t valid and that asexuality wasn’t a real thing and that even if asexuality was a real thing it wasn’t valid and it certainly didn’t matter.

I graduated high school and went to college and was no longer really in touch with my group of friends. I therefore completely cut myself off from any lgbt+/queer community, even though a friend invited me to join the college’s queer association. I stopped participating so much in online asexual spaces. I become wrapped up in other things.

A couple of years went by and a lot of things in my life changed. By chance, mod applications for a blog about aro and ace headcanons for a fandom I enjoyed came across my dash. I had extra time on my hands and thought I could help, so I applied and was accepted. This increased my exposure to the aspec community again and thrust me back in… just around the time exclusionism was becoming a specific and named movement of bigotry.

At the same time I resisted these ideals, I was also still hurt and unhealed from what I’d gone through as a teen. I internalized a lot of the hatred and gatekeeping. I was so hurt and so tired. I just wanted to be able to exist in peace. And people I considered myself one of were harassing me and dismissing even my biromanticism. So I struggled with my identity and my asexuality. I did not specifically become an exclusionist, but I turned my back on the lgbt+ community and spaces. I did not consider myself lgbt+ because I learned that doing so only brought pain and upset and made me feel alone and isolated. I didn’t speak a lot on exclusionism or inclusionism, but at some point I did make a plea to my fellow aspecs to just let the larger community go and be our own community and accept that maybe we could be straight. I did it out of desperation and hurt, wanting to stop feeling targeted and attacked and to stop seeing the fighting on my dash and in the tags. I just wanted us all to be happy and feel accepted and supported.

On that post, one wonderfully kind and patient person opened up a discussion with me, explaining their own hurts over exclusionism and being so damn exhausted of them and fellow aspecs being targeted and excluded and written out and not supported and feeling like they had to split their asexuality from their other queer identities and how being asexual was a part of them and how it had strongly shaped their experiences, especially with realizing and coming to terms with the other parts of their queer identity. And through their raw honesty I came to realize… I had never stopped to process the harassment I had faced and the pain and hurt that cut me so deeply.

It was a changing point for me. I realized that I had handled my pain in a bad way and had ended up lashing out at other aspecs instead of the people who were actually hurting me. I realized how much I had hurt myself and held myself back and cut myself down and dismissed parts of myself trying to fit into the box exclusionists had laid out for me, as if I could ever made them happy enough to stop harassing me and just let me exist. I cut myself down for them, but the truth is that exclusionists don’t just want aspecs “out” of the community. They want to hurt us. They want us to hurt. They want us to doubt ourselves. They want to feel strong and powerful, and they feel they can achieve this through bullying us. Perhaps some, like myself, are trying to appeal to their oppressors by pointing out another vulnerable group they could target more/instead. They are passing on hurt instead of standing up to it and so they are actually festering in hurt instead of changing anything.

Today, I am a staunch inclusionist. I understand myself and the issues aspecs face much better. I am a more compassionate person regarding the confusion and upset aros and aces have over their identity and their place in the world. I feel more stable and confident regarding my identity as an asexual - and now as an aromantic - queer person who is lgbt+.

But it was a long, hard, difficult journey to get here. It was full of a lot of turmoil. I wish I would have had a happier journey where I felt more supported and accepted, and I hope I can help provide more stability and support for future generations to not have to go through what I did.

.

My point (or one among a few, anyway) is that I deeply and personally understand how you are feeling and the decision facing you now. As someone who went through a very similar experience, my advice to you is to take care of yourself and to prioritize your mental health.

It’s okay if you can’t handle identifying as trans right now. Maybe you do need some space from the label (and definitely from the hatred and gatekeeping). Maybe you need to pull back from certain communities or blogs or discussions.

However, I will say that not identifying as trans may not bring the peace you desire. It may end up making you feel even more isolated. Not identifying as LGBT+ certainly didn’t help me. It was reactionary and it only made me feel like there were less spaces for me. That said, you may find peace in this. But I think the bigger action to take is to separate yourself from those who are saying harmful things more than to separate yourself from a label you feel really suits you. Use your block button liberally. Don’t force yourself to partake in spaces where gatekeeping is allowed or encouraged. Follow and listen to more people who are inclusive.

I think burnout like this is unfortunately pretty common. You do not have to force yourself to face this hatred or exhaustion because you think it’s the right thing to do. It’s okay to pull back and just take care of yourself. Just work on some self-care. Work on building up a community of people around you who don’t resort to bigotry and hatred and exorsexism and gatekeeping and identity policing. Engage only with what you can actually, honestly handle.

We will confront and move past this bigotry only by acting as a united front. The responsibility for improving things isn’t on any one person’s shoulders. And no one needs to be on the front lines 100% of the time, especially at the cost of their own wellbeing. Take care of yourself and rest now before you completely burn out and break down.

You do not have anything to prove, okay? I have both hope and faith that there is a lot more to your journey - a lot more good things and a lot more happiness and belonging. Take whatever time it is you need to help heal yourself and recover from the hurt and harassment that’s been plaguing you. You are important and you matter, much moreso than whatever label you use at whatever point in time. It will be okay.

I am here for you.

~Pluto

[flower-of-the-desert]

hey, i really liked your posts about ep12, it helped me a lot to put things into perspective. i was wondering if you could share your thoughts on the 2gether finale as well, coz right now i just wanna cry im so disappointed with it =(

Aww, thank you, anon. <3

Ok so my thoughts on the finale are kind of all over the place but I’ll try to explain as best as I can and hopefully it’s gonna make sense.

Like I said, in my original post I dont love the ep but I dont hate it either. I suppose I fall somewhere in the middle. I enjoyed a lot of it - seeing all the couples progress and be happy together, Man/Type especially were just so adorable, Mil and Phukong starting to build something with each other (lil bro using Sarawat’s pick up line was a really nice touch, love that), Mil being an all around awesome supportive friend to BOTH Tine and Wat?? We love to see it. The way he turned up at the football field where Wat was being his angsty self and literally kicked his butt into taking action - *chef’s kiss*

Him and Fong are now the parents of the baby gays I dont make the rules.

Wat’s confession on stage and his song that he literally named after Tine and when he said he never confessed to Pam because he didnt know what love was before he met Tine - perfection. Absolute perfection. I’m here for it.

And Tine’s heartbreak was so well done too, I just felt so much for him.

Again, as I said, the whole thing with Pam didnt turned out exactly as I had hoped but it wasnt the worst case scenario either so I’ll take it. I’d rather have Pam making a mistake and realising it and backing off while assuring Tine that Wat really does love HIM and even though she tried Pam didnt stand a chance because it’s always gonna be Tine for Sarawat and she understands that now over her being an actual bitch who keeps trying to seperate them and uses the situation to her advantage. I mean they could have gone that way too - Pam didnt have to give Tine that recording or to tell him how Wat changed after meeting him but she did, I think, as her own way of apologizing for what she’d done. So yeah, overall, I’m fine with this.

ALSO NOBODY DIED SO THAT’S A BIG PLUS.

(History 3 MODC can’t relate)

ANYWAY, so those are the positives for me. Which as it turns out is most of the episode yay! Now onto what wasnt quite so positive.

My main issue with this episode is the resolution to Wat and Tine’s conflict. Mainly, there really... wasnt one. And I’m not talking about the physical intimacy thing, I’ll touch on that later but more importantly for the ending - the emotional intimacy. None of the problems they had were properly addressed. Tine’s insecurities were rooted so deeply that despite Wat spending 12 EPISODES doing anything and everything to show his love and adoration, Tine still couldnt really believe it. And that’s not gonna be resolved with a simple recording.

And on the other hand, can you image how all of this would make Sarawat feel? Like no matter what he does, no matter how much of himself he gives to Tine, his boyfriend still would find it easier to believe that Wat is just using him as a replacement for someone else. That’s gonna fuck with his head even if Tine came back. I really really wished they had talked at least a little about these things.

Like maybe if we didnt have half of the episode filled with pointless flashbacks there could have been time to actually talk... (tbh, part of me kind of wonders if they purposefully put in so many flashbacks to fill in the air time so they wouldnt HAVE to write those scenes which leaves me ?????).

I think I mentioned this too in the other post, but the Wat/Tine reunion echoes beat for beat the Fighter/Tutor reunion with all its issues but while WhyRU has a reason for why things turned out like that, here I just... I dont know what could have been the reason for 2gether’s writers? Unless they also couldnt film everything they wanted...

And then there’s the... “high-five controversy”, let’s call it and again I find myself in the middle of the argument. I stand by what I’ve said before about how I feel about the way they handled physical intimacy between the characters - yes, objectively and critically speaking, I’m not here for writers/directors/channel/whoever trying to censor the physical intimacy of an established couple. There is nothing wrong with two partners wanting to kiss/cuddle/have sex/etc. Sex isnt something dirty (I mean it can be depending on what you’re writing BUT THAT’S A DIFFERENT GENRE OK, we are not talking about smutty fic here cough cough) and shameful that “pure” people shouldnt be enjoying (lovely post on the topic here I was just thinking about it last night). And it’s about time show creators got with the programme, ESPECIALLY when it comes to non-straight couples.

As of ep13 it’s clear to me that 2gether went through some serious censorship - lots of people have talked about how it’s a thing that they do on this particular channel and maybe that’s all it is, I dont know. I dont want to speculate what’s been going on behind the scenes since I dont have any idea and sadly I dont think the writers will ever be willing to talk about it. I’d LOVE to hear their throughts on this matter tbh and why they decided to do things this way.

So on an objective level, this is bullshit. Subjectively, and this is where my personal opinion comes in, I wasnt as bothered by this as I normally would be because I’ve been enjoying all the other aspects of the relationship that the show successfully built up and prtrayed on screen. Does that make sense?

Specifically about the finale, though, I agree with the complains. Part of why the reunion felt so underwhelming and disappointing, I think, was not only the lack of emotional intimacy but also the hella.... awkward? physical “intimacy” they showed? The scene absolutely did call for a kiss or a hug, at the very least. Instead they were standing 2 feet apart cause... they’re not gay? I really really do not understand what happened there in that scene. I’ve seen some people mention that the finale was filmed before the other episodes so the actors werent used to each other yet and honestly I can see it - watching Tine and Wat in that ending montage felt like I was watching them at the beginning of their fake dating when both were awkward and unsure of where they stood with each other rather than seeing an established in love couple coming back together after going through something tough.

So these are my thoughts on the finale. It wasnt the best one I’ve ever seen but not bad enough to ruin the rest of the show for me (and there’s NOTHING I hate more than bad endings ruining a story I’ve fallen in love with so there’s that) and I do really love this show and its characters so much. It’s hard, even impossivle to find a perfect show from start to finish and honestly I’ve come to believe that’s not as important as what you get out of it - if the show makes you happy, despite whatever writing issues it might have, that’s the most important thing, I think. And 2gether did that for me. So I’m glad I watched it.

Omg, this got so long. Again. If you’re still with me, anon, you’re a hero. I hope I was able to help you. <3

[shhh-no-ones-home]

party planning committee marcus moreno x reader

+++++++++

this is a story in four parts, youll see what i mean when you read it but i wasnt exactly sure how i wanted to do this at first and thats just sort of what i landed on. but i think it kind of works.

He asks for your help to plan missy's birthday party since he still really has no idea how to do the whole girl party thing

Song: island in the sun by weezer

tag list: @cynic-spirit

+++++++++

i moved to knock on the door when i heard a loud crashing sound, startling me. i knocked quickly and loudly after that, waiting for a moment before opening the door.

"marcus?!"

i yelled, looking around the living room.

"missy?"

i asked, stepping further into the house. when i made it to the kitchen i sighed in relief, my hand going to my chest as i saw marcus stood over the sink with a mixing bowl in his hand, a few other stainless steel appliances strewn about.

"marcus?"

i asked lightly and he jumped, looking to me and breathing deeply.

"jesus y/n, you scared me."

he said shaking his head. i walked closer to the counter.

"i knocked but i heard a loud noise and got worried. im just glad to see youre not hurt."

i stated, turning one of the bowls upright. he shook his head.

"well my pride is a little hurt but im glad youre looking out for me."

he said, looking from me to the paper sat on the counter. i furrowed my brows, looking over the island to see what it was. i laughed when i realized he was trying to make a cake.

"marcus what are you doing?"

i asked, picking it up and shaking the flower off of it. he sent me a bashful smile.

"well, i was trying to make a cake for missy's birthday but i guess that ship sailed a while ago."

he said, looking around to the mess he had worked so hard on. i shook my head, waving my hand in the air and everything picking itself back upright, the empty bowls stacking together and the powders on the counter making their way into a pile.

"here, let me help."

°°°°°°°°°

"Okay, now that the cake is done, what else did you need help with?"

I asked, wiping my hands on the kitchen towel and looking to him expectantly. He sighed.

"All of it actually."

He said, shaking his head and walking to the table. I raised a brow and followed him.

"Marcus you make it sound like you've never had a birthday party for missy before."

I said with a laugh and he sent me a look, turning his datapad on.

"I know but I never did any of this, it was always her mom. And last year be both just agreed on no party, just take time to be together instead."

I nodded as I sat beside him.

"I know how much you both miss her, hell I find myself missing her sometimes too. She really was the best part of the team, even without powers."

I lamented, looking to my hands now folded in front of me on the table.

"I just wish things were easier."

He said and I nodded in agreement.

"I'm sure they'll get there, one day at a time. But you gotta work at it, like today. You've already successfully made a cake."

I pointed out and he laughed.

"Yeah, and without your help that probably would've ended very badly."

I laughed too, shaking my head.

"Baking really isn't for everyone."

I said and he side nodded, opening a planning sheet in his tablet.

"You can say that again."

He mumbled, turning it to show me.

"This is what I have so far, and everything she wanted."

He said and I nodded, reading through it.

"This is her twelfth birthday, and she's finally made more friends, thanks to the heroics program. I just want this to be a special one for her."

He said and I sent him a small smile.

"So, did she give you this invite list, or did you make it yourself?"

I asked and he looked at me funny.

"Both?"

He asked and I laughed a little bit.

"Okay, that's good, I guess. Cause it's her party so you want to make sure you're inviting people she likes to talk to and hang out with."

He nodded in understanding.

"Right. I did run it by her but i sent the cards out already, time wasnt really on my side for this one."

He said bashfully and I nodded once.

"thats Okay, it looks like you at least have a theme done. That's good. List of essentials. Oh okay. now let's look at what you have planned."

I scrolled down and stopped, sending him a look. So far he just had 'sleepover?' he let out a nervous laugh, scratching the back of his neck.

"A sleepover?"

I asked and he shrugged, slouching a little defeated.

"Yeah I don't know. It just seemed like a good idea. She used to have them all the time. But again, I never really did any of that stuff."

I nodded, tapping the screen and deleting his idea.

"Here, how about this: a pool party. I know you're a master of the grill, you could invite all the heroic kids and their parents over and have a barbeque. The kids can swim. It'll be a good time."

I suggested and he nodded, a wide smile on his face.

"That actually sounds like a really good idea y/n."

He said and I sent him a knowing smile.

"we can run that by missy too, just to make sure, we only have a few days after all and we need time to notify the guests that weve changed things."

°°°°°°°°°

when the big day finally came i was awoken from my spot on the couch to missy jumping down the stairs excitedly, a wide smile across her face as she dug in the fridge for something for breakfast. i had spent the night to help marcus decorate and was definitely regretting staying up as late as we did.

"morning."

she said in a chipper tone and i offered her a smile as i sat up.

"morning."

i said a little groggy, looking back over to the stairs as marcus trudged down them too, a tired look on his face.

"morning."

he groaned, going straight to the coffee pot and pouring a cup. i laughed a little at him as i stood up, stretching out.

"ready to get cooking?"

i asked, pulling my sweater on. i hadnt expected to sleep over so i was still in the clothes i had worn over. he just sent me a look, missy eating at the table now and nodding quickly.

"why did we make this thing for one oclock again?"

he asked playfully and missy sent him a look.

"youre the one who agreed to the pool party."

she pointed out and he made an 'o' shape with his mouth, making missy and i both laugh as i joined her at the table.

"alright, let me go get dressed and then we will start cooking."

°°°°°°°°°

when the party was finally over and everything was cleaned up i looked to marcus, drying the last of the dishes and putting them away quietly.

"what ya thinking about?"

i asked, leaning into the island and watching him intently. he frowned at me for a second.

"do you think she really had fun today?"

he said, looking over to the couch. after all the guests had left missy had showered and changed, and after having aloe applied generously to her sunburnt face, fell into a deep sleep sitting on the couch. i smiled, remembering what she had said to me earlier when she came in to get a drink.

"well considering she thanked earlier for making her birthday a special one for both of you im gonna go with yes."

i said, him finally smiling back at me as he put the last dish away.

"she really said that?"

he asked and i nodded.

"it was mentioned."

he sent me a look.

"she had said that not only was she having fun, but she was just happy to see you enjoying yourself again too. all the heroics laughing and having a good time next to their kids also having a good time; you really made a difference today."

he shook his head.

"okay, and what about you?"

i raised a brow.

"what about me?"

"did you have a good time today?"

he asked pointedly and i sighed out a laugh.

"yes Marcus, i had a very good time today."

i confirmed and he nodded once.

"good, because i would feel so bad if you hadnt. youve helped me so much here lately, i think you deserve it the most out of all of us."

i shook my head at him amused.

"thanks, but i doubt that."

he swallowed hard, furrowing his brows.

"no no don't say that, you work twice as hard as the rest of us. i just wish you could see that."

i looked to the ceiling for a moment before standing up and stretching.

"well if thats true then i think i deserve some sleep. though it has been fun, it has been one long day."

he nodded once.

"want to stay the night again? you can sleep upstairs in my room tonight if you want, i think missy has kind of taken over your spot."

he said with a laugh.

"i probably shouldnt, i need to get home, i gotta get my mail water my plants, all that jazz."

he watched me with a light gaze as i gathered up my things.

"well, im glad you could come over. and if you want to come back tomorrow for lunch-"

"id love that marcus."

i said and he smiled at me, a small blush visibly rising to his face.

"its a date?"

he asked, walking to the door with me. i thought for a second and nodded.

"yeah, its a date."

i said, his smile getting wider as i stepped outside.

"ill text you what time ill be over."

"ill be waiting."