#i wish i could apologize to every single person i’ve ever hurt and i wish for the same back even tho they never ever would

[priestfrommidnightmass]

bro can’t stop mourning all of the loves he’s lost throughout the years 😭 bro isn’t sure how to grieve people who are still alive but will never be in his life again 😭 bro doesn’t know how to deal with the hurt that life goes on and they will keep changing and growing even if he isn’t there to see it 😭 bro can’t accept that he can’t go back and even if he could it wouldn’t change anything 😭 bro feels regret so intense it hurts to breathe 😭

[itsabouttimex2]

“You need to do better.”

(This gets vitriolic, and is a full-blown criticism of Macaque’s portrayal in Season Four and Five. If criticism of a character/franchise you like upsets you, I do not recommend reading.)

Wow. I had no faith in his character writing, and I’m STILL disappointed.

And it only took one episode! How impressive!

Macaque, who has put in ZERO on-screen effort to become a better person or make amends to his victims, is criticizing Wukong for being a bad mentor! And does Wukong criticize him back? NOPE!

After getting screamed at and berated, does Wukong defend himself? NOPE!

Ooh, but there was a second long reference in a dual yelling match that mentioned that Macaque was a genuinely bad person who took glee in hurting innocent people! Oh, fucking delightful! Ooh, Wukong even points out in one episode that Macaque goes without consequences!

Pointing out a flaw in your writing does not make it less of a flaw.

Macaque will always be allowed to do whatever he wants to anyone he wants- power theft, attempted murder, insults, deceit, assault-

And the narrative and characters will never hold him accountable or force Macaque to look inwards or become a better person.

Macaque will always fall upwards into redemption without any obstacles or pushback.

There will never be a struggle to goodness with a satisfying conclusion. There will never be a moment where falters in his newfound goodness and questions going back to his old ways. There will never be explicit remorse or regret. He will never have deep introspections on his crimes and atrocities that provide a reason for him to want to change.

The sum of his “arc” will always be “you were a good guy all along”, and that lack of depth is where it will stay.

RIP Seasons 1-3 Macaque. You were fun and interesting and cool and lovable.

But the man they replaced you with was destined to be a boring and brooding “anti-hero” who has no real connection to the actions you selfishly and violently performed with your own two hands-

And you will always be a less interesting character for it.

The execution of the actual arc boils down to a single heroic (but ultimately self-serving) moment and then Macaque is immediately forgiven for all the crimes he’s committed and is a magically better person without any effort and nothing he’s done is ever brought up again.

It severely weakens any character’s arc to cut them off from their past actions. If MK forgot his traumas every season instead of carrying them forward- we’d all agree that doing so was a case of poor writing.

It was the reason that people disliked Mei’s portrayal in Season Four- she immediately moved on from the Samadhi Fire arc and “no longer wielded it” after spending a whole season gathering and learning to use it.

Why can’t we agree that it’s bad for Macaque, too?

You can’t “develop” a character by dropping an entire plotline and writing it off with one line.

You can’t “redeem” a character by pretending that they were a good person right from the start.

Sorry, bud.

I really did like you. I just wish I could like your writing.

——————

And, what is more clear to me now than ever?

People only defended Macaque’s shitty writing because they think he’s hot.

I know this now, because I’ve seen white-hot Li Jing arc hatred from fervent Macaque arc defenders.

So we all agree that an “I didn’t really mean it!” isn’t an excuse to abuse the people around you? That you don’t get to mistreat innocent people just because you’re stressed and upset?

Hmmm.

Hmmmmmmm.

I wonder why people despise Jing for his dogshit “one nice thing redeems all your bad actions” arc but love Macaque for his??

(Because they think the monkey is hot.)

The funny thing, though?

Li Jing apologizes to at least one of the victims of his actions. He expresses regret and remorse.

Macaque doesn’t even have that.

——————

Anyways here’s a line that I hate because Macaque has in no way developed enough to have the right to deliver it-

AND NO, SUDDENLY HAVING AN AFFINITY FOR PERFORMING KIND OR SACRIFICIAL ACTS IS NOT GOOD CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

HIM MAGICALLY OFFSCREEN BECOMING A GOOD PERSON WHO CARES ABOUT INNOCENT LIFE IS NOT GOOD CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

IF ALL IT TAKES TO “BE BETTER” IS ACTING LIKE A HERO, WUKONG IS LITERALLY A THOUSAND TIMES BETTER OF A PERSON THAN HE IS

THIS LINE IS DOGSHIT

“You need to do better.”

Really, Macaque? Maybe you should take your own damn advice- try apologizing to one of the people you tried to hurt and tried to murder in cold blood!

Like when you trapped MK under his staff after stealing his powers and tried to murder him when he was helpless?

Or when you kidnapped MK’s friends and tortured the kid by forcing him to fight them?

Or you led a violent assault against a palace full of innocent people?

Or violently beat his dear friends until they were screaming in pain?

Or assaulted Tang, who posed no threat to you?

Or threatened to murder an innocent girl if you didn’t get your way, then ran away (and encouraged MK to abandon her) first thing when it put her into a life-threatening meltdown of raw power?

(Isn’t it cool how NONE of these people have interesting or varied reactions to him doing this and ALL immediately are cool with him like a gelatinous hivemind.)

(Oooh ONE mildly questioning line from Pigsy but no anger over his adoptive son nearly being killed multiple times over)

(Isn’t it cool that no one has complex or interesting thoughts on this.)

(Isn’t it cool that by robbing them of unique feelings on the matter they robbed Macaque and the Monkie Kids of compelling and interesting interactions that could’ve helped flesh out their personalities and strengthen their characterization.)

(Isn’t it cool that Macaque and the Monkie Kids are actively denied intriguing character dynamics so Macaque’s shitty “redemption arc” can happen faster.)

(Isn’t that cool.)

Why don’t YOU do better, Macaque?

(In a way that is more satisfying than “one kind-hearted speech from a kid that I tried to murder changed my mind and now I am a better person but all my character development happened offscreen and without personal introspection”, at least.)

Also what the fuck do you mean by “do better”?

Be heroic and put your life in danger? He already does that! He’s done it more than you have!

Just tell MK that he’s not alone? YOU COULD DO THAT YOURSELF, MACAQUE!

Help MK with his traumas and fears? MK doesn’t tell anyone about those! He keeps them bottled up, lock and key, and actively refuses attempts to help!

Wukong TRIED to reach out to him, and MK PUSHED HIM AWAY! Was he supposed to tie the fucking kid down and torture the information out of him?

He respected MK’s boundaries by not pushing any further and letting him leave!!

WHY IS THAT A BAD THING??

What the fuck, man

[pixelmensupremacy]

May i request a DBH fic? The moment they realized they fell in love with reader. May i request Gavin and the RK bros

A/N: Honestly, I don't why it took me so long to get this out. Either way that's an interesting request, Nonny! Here's my take on the dbh boys realizing they have feelings for the reader.

Warnings: GN!reader, it's implied that reader is shorter, pretty much fluffy stuff, not proof read

Gavin

Being his snarky self, Gavin would be jokingly flirty at first not thinking much of it

Until he began sensing a warmth every time (Y/N) laughed at his silly jokes and sarcastic comments

Before he knew it, he was always spending his free time with (Y/N)

Going into the breakroom, whenever he noticed they were there

Greeting them every morning with a genuine smile on his face

Vibrant morning sunrays hit (Y/N) skin as walked into the building of the Detroit police department. It was quiet except for the usual sound of mouse clicks and the occasional phone ring. A bright smile curled the corners of their lips at the sight of their partner Gavin Reed.

"Morning, Reed!" Enthusiasm was evident in their voice; his attention was immediately anchored to them and their face, which he found absolutely adorable. Affected by their happy expression, he couldn't help but smile back at them.

"Somebody call the cops because it’s got to be illegal to look that good!" He eyed the from head to toe, causing them to shyly look away.

Interestingly enough, it was the colleagues at the department that noticed the change first

His longing to constantly be in (Y/N)'s company was obvious to everyone else but Gavin and (Y/N)

Happy to finally see Gavin break character and soften, his colleagues would tease him every once in a while

While on the other hand (Y/N) would get overwhelmed with questions such as "Did you put him under a spell?"

I feel like Gavin will distance himself once he realizes that his feelings toward (Y/N) are more than just a silly crush

Progressively he will grow colder to (Y/N)

He would find himself in a rabbit hole of repressed emotions and anxieties, connected to his past, which will ultimately lead to avoiding (Y/N)

Hurt and confused, (Y/N) wouldn't give up on reaching out to him but with little to no success

Until they give up, which in return pains Gavin even more

Suddenly he will have to deal not only with the fear of abandonment but also the consequences of said fear taking over him

I like to imagine Hank will be quick to notice the distance formed between the two and will talk to Gavin

Knowing him since his rookie days, Hank is one of the few people who know quite a lot about Gavin, which helps him in advising the detective

Eventually, thanks to Hank's help, Gavin will be able to realize that by avoiding his problems he made things worse

He will want to apologize to (Y/N) for hurting them

“I know I’ve been a total ass the past few weeks, but maybe I can make it up to you. (Y/N) silently gaze at him as if they weren’t sure if this was a dream or reality.

“There’s new restaurant down the block and I thought maybe..” He went on all the while studying their face. “Maybe we could check it out?”

Much to his delight, they agree

The two have the time of their life, catching up like nothing ever happened

And even getting closer

“So,” He spoke up, hot puffs of air escaping his mouth. “Are we even?”

(Y/N) swayed back and forth on their feet, overdoing the time it took them to answer.

“I’m afraid a single date won’t be enough, Reed.” Their hand reached for his neck, bringing his face closer to theirs; their lips touched his in a soft and delicate kiss that left him wanting more.

“Your wish is my command.” (Y/N) giggled, causing a warmth to spread in his chest, despite the cold of the November night.

Markus

Markus is definitely the type of person, who looks for a friend first and a lover second

So, I expect him to fall for (Y/N) after they have gotten to know each other

His feelings for them will slowly but surely progress into a sensation he's never felt before

Even if the thought of (Y/N) wouldn't leave his mind, he would be reluctant to share that with them

Or at least not verbally

Being the altruist he is, his love language would be one of service

Anyway he could, he would help

Standing on their tippy toes, (Y/N) struggled to reach the contents of the top shelf; even the chair they were standing on seemed to not help much. Passing by the kitchen, Markus’ attention was caught by the creaking of the chair and (Y/N)’s puffs and quiet curses. With a puzzled expression, he walked up to them and took a glance at what they were doing.

Reaching with a hand near theirs, he took a hold of a box of cereal; electrical shock ran through (Y/N)’s entire body at the slight brush of his cold skin against theirs.

“Is this what you were looking for?” They nodded as they got down.

“Yeah, thanks.” (Y/N)  took the box with a bright smile on their face that caused his circuits to malfunction, resulting in LED lighting up in a vibrant amber color.

Though he will eventually come to realize that his desire to help (Y/N) exceeded past just his typical friendly behavior

He desired to be by their side at all times

He will absolutely melt if (Y/N) were to compliment him

The enchanting melody filled the space, alluring (Y/N) the source of the sound. Letting the music take over them, their steps were in perfect sync with the rhythm of the song; it almost felt as if time stopped and they have found themselves in a wonderland- one they couldn’t imagine even in their wildest dreams.

The volume grew louder so did the effect of the melody upon (Y/N); seeing a door, they weren’t surprised to see Markus sat before the piano. His slender fingers stroked the snow-white keys, the impact of his firm, yet delicate, touch made for a captivating melody akin to the song of a siren that drew in sailors in the dead of night.

Much like a sailor, bewitched by a magnificent siren, (Y/N) stood and watched as his composition tingled their every sense. Not long after did Markus sense their presence; startled by their sudden appearance, he stopped playing.

“Why did you stop?” Disappointment was written in their expression.

“I didn’t expect to have an audience.” He made a reply in a bashful manner, his colorful eyes avoiding theirs.

“I love it when you play the piano.” (Y/N) began as they neared him. “No matter how many times I hear you play it’s never the same. It’s truly fascinating.” There was a spark in their eyes as they spoke that caused a tingling sensation to occur in his thirium pump. Was he malfunctioning?

Markus will definitely confess once the revolution is successful and he feels safe enough to have another person in his life

Connor

He's completely oblivious

Never in his short life did he expect to feel let alone fall in love

So, he's very confused when he experiences system malfunctions in (Y/N)'s presence

He constantly runs system checks only to get confused when the results show no apparent errors

Despite being a prototype, created to unravel complicated cases with ease, it takes him some time to figure out it's (Y/N) that causes these malfunctions

Of course, not without Hank's help

Enamored by the enigma surrounding them, Connor couldn’t help but stare at them and wonder: why they caused such reactions in him. Coincidently or not, Hank had noticed Connor’s lack of focus on his tasks; following the direction of his gaze, the man had found the reason.

“You know it’s rude to stare right? Or that isn’t in your damn program?” Hank got straight to the point but Connor seemed clueless, for he gave him a puzzled look. The man let out a sigh of disappointment.

“Look, I know you got something towards (Y/N) and you better go talk to them.”

“But I-“

“Trust me. They like you too.” Silently, Connor looked at his partner, processing what he had said. “Come on! Don’t waste your chance.” He urged the android on.

Connor will get flustered if (Y/N) were to compliment him

“Good morning!” (Y/N) greeted; their voice akin to a bell rang in Connor’s ears.

“Mornin’, kid” Hank mumbled under his nose, not quite returning their excitement.

“You’re here early!” They stared in awe.

“Yeah, thanks to him.” He pointed to Connor, who shyly waved his hand; (Y/N) smiled.

“Good job, Connor! Even if I wanted, I wouldn’t be able to bring Hank here before noon.” They joked, causing the lieutenant to laugh, meanwhile, Connor’s cheeks got blue, dusted with deep shades of blue, and amber hues danced on his LED.

If it came to physical touch Connor would probably shut down from how many system errors he gets

Much like in Markus' case, I think Connor will be confident in his emotions after the revolution when he becomes a deviant

It may take him a bit longer to fully grasp the experience of having feelings

Though he will get used to it with some guidance

Sixty

Just like Gavin, Sixty will be flirty but mostly with someone, who reflects the same energy

He may be a bit too daring at times, openly flirting without any shame whatsoever

Heading towards the breakroom with their partner beside them, (Y/N) was eager to get their morning coffee, though it seemed Sixty had other plans.

"Is your phone in your back pocket? Because your ass is calling me." With him being close by their side, his voice- barely above a whisper- caused shivers to run down their spine.

“Haha very funny, Sixty.” They sarcastically laughed, in hopes of hiding the excitement that grew within them.

“You know I’m always at your service.” He winked at them as he opened the door for them.

It may take him a lot longer to get attached and even longer to acknowledge his feelings

He would definitely test (Y/N)'s loyalty for him to fully trust them

Being Connor's successor and the android that almost caused the downfall of the revolution, Sixty is battling his past

An awkward silence had settled upon the two; worried, (Y/N) glanced at Sixty though his blank expression didn’t aid them in understanding what was going on.

“Is everything alright, Sixty?” Their voice were calm and quiet, loud enough only for him to hear; his brown eyes stared back at theirs. A puff of air escaped past his lips.

“It’s none of your concern.” He cut them off, bitterness was evident in his voice.

So, he will fall for someone, who accepts him for who he is and helps him in forgiving himself

His path to deviancy will be turbulent, filled with an explosion of repressed emotions Sixty is forced to deal with

But by being by his side, (Y/N) cloud build a bridge to his heart

The moment he realizes he is head over heels for (Y/N) is when he lets his guard down

When the playful facade crumbles down and what is left is a person, fighting to be accepted and forgiven

Nines

Out of all of the boys, it will take Nines the most time to catch feelings

Being the most advanced android in the world, Nines is less prone to deviancy

Not only it takes him more time to feel emotions but to also acknowledge and accept them

So, romance with Nines is close to nonexistent until deviancy

Though there still would sign in his behavior that indicate a crack in his system

With all of his advances, I feel Nines would want to use his assets for good

And working at DPD gives him such an opportunity

Upon meeting (Y/N) he wouldn't sense anything right away

Though as they work together and get accustomed to each other, Nines will slowly change

His curiosity will grow, resulting in asking (Y/N) questions outside their field of work

Yet what draws Nines in is their tolerance

They never pressure him to open up or to talk when he doesn't want to

It just occurs naturaly

“Detective, may I ask you something?” Nines’ icy blue irises bore into theirs.

“Of course, go ahead.” (Y/N) took a sip of their drink.

“Why did you join the force?” A smear of genuine curiosity was evident behind his enigmatic gaze.

“Well,” A smile curled the corners of their lips as the memories flooded in. “I guess you could say I just want to help people.” Their gaze met his. “What about you?”

He stayed silent for a few moments; bright yellow circled across his light-emitting diode.

“I suppose we have common motives.” He danced around the question, yet they didn’t question him any further.

I feel like a life-or-death situation may bring his feelings to the surface

[killerlookz]

just wanna let you know, i’ve been meaning to reread all three parts of heartbeat! au because it’s one of the best joost klein au’s of all time & i will patiently wait literally forever for any future entries!! i’m not hopping in your inbox to pressure you, i know you’re on a hiatus, i just hope you don’t mind if i gush over your own work to you:

“it can’t be that easy”

•ngl i’m pretty sure i’ve read this chapter 4 times now? i’ve read “heartbeat” that many times too i think, but only read “no going back” twice?

•the angst in this is so perfectly written in every way, it crushes me every time i read it. everything feels so heartless, careless, purposefully soul-crushing, while at the same time, tender & full of unforgotten want and fulfillment.

•obv i feel so bad for reader but lina’s place in all this kills me, she doesn’t deserve to be caught in this break-up-cheating-rebound-spiral.

•it makes me wonder how lina & joost even got together? where did they meet? did joost instantly see her as a rebound? & how did they break up? did she find out about joost & reader that night? how furious was she? or perhaps their relationship was too fresh to create any deep wounds around joost?

•when reader is looking away and lina & joost discuss her being super drunk while reader’s *right there*, ooughh i’ve been that person so many times, not even being drunk or not even having an ex & their new partner talking about me, just…people…idk what it is—people like talking about me as if i’m not there…it’s…dehumanizing—makes me sick that it happened to reader, especially from joost & lina :((

•congratulations on writing some of the most gut-wrenching dialogue i’ve ever heard!!! specifically these quotes, i think about them almost day to day now:

•"Doesn't sound like you."

"Don't really feel like me."

(^makes me want to tear my skin off, i feel like this was the very moment joost even admitted that feeling to himself, i think post-break-up he’s obviously been heartbroken but i think there, at that party, on that couch, was the first time he vocalized the fact that he’s not even been himself without reader.)

•"Stop that," Joost's voice is low, soft. "Don't need to see that."

"Hard not to." You hum, letting your hand drop back down to his shoulder.

(^this??? this????! i haven’t been able to stop thinking about since i first read it..imagine tracing hickies on the love of your life’s neck because *you* didn’t leave them there & he says “don’t need to see that”???? because he’s ashamed of himself??? he wishes you didn’t see what he’s done without you!?!? ohhhhhhhmygoooooddduhhh actual chills & tears in my eyes reading that i will never be the same!!!)

•"I'm sorry."

"Don't be." You can't really appreciate his apology, a sorry not changing the fact now there's a girl other than you in his life.

"I am."

(^same thing as the hickies one, joosts genuine regret of what he’s done is actually making me feel like there’s this never-ending black hole inside of me just eating me alive forever…the hurt there is unmatched.)

•"Don't deserve it after-"

"Stop it." He immediately cuts you off, "You deserve this. And more, just sorry I'm showing you that so late."

(^ooohhh so now he wanna be a good boyfriend??? okay brooo okayyy…you couldn’t even meet your girlfriends friends tonight, you couldn’t even get up & dance with her!! bc you’re consumed to the core by your ex only once she’s broken your heart…tsk tsk…okay man whatever!!!)

it might be for all these reasons that “it can’t be that easy” is my favorite chapter??? dare i say that??? fluff is good, comfort is great, but angst? that biting feeling in the pit of your stomach that you get from angst is unmatched. “it can’t be that easy” gives me that feeling every single time. i need a cigarette after reading it..i’ll brb while i go read the other two chapter tonight as well ^_^

-ego⋆♱✮

hi oh my goodness i just saw all your inboxes and this is just so sweet 😭 i wish i could just go and write every single second of heartbeat lore now OMFG- you are so kind! thank you so much for your thorough review of heartbeat. it makes me so incredibly happy to know that people genuinely enjoy my work. thank you so so sooo very much 🩷 i hope there is more to come in the future once i have time! my winter break is in less than a month and is like 50% longer than it usually is so, ill have over a month to get back to writing!! i hope i will be able to :-)

[josh-117217]

YOU RUINED ME.

You’re fucking disgusting; you’re monstrous, you took advantage of my love for you and you defiled it and you corrupted it. I loved you; I wanted to be with you, and you knew the whole time. You knew the whole time but you kept using me, and using me, and using me, and using me, because I was not a person to you. I was just a willing hole; a fun little 19 year old personal sex toy for you to slide your 30 year old dick in and out of and then abandon the moment you got bored of me. You threw me in the trash like I was nothing! You took advantage of the fact that I looked up to you; you took advantage of the fact that I felt safe with you to lie to me, to keep me in the dark, and I fucking let you do it because I genuinely believed you wouldn’t hurt me.

I despise you, but not as much as I despise myself, for having this happen to me. I despise you, but not as much as I despise myself for not having moved on even though it’s been nearly a year now since we last spoke. I despise you, but not as much as I despise myself for being hung up on you, for missing you, for praying every night for you to return and take me back and apologize to me. I despise you, but not as much as I despise myself for not being attracted to a single fucking person since we parted ways. Everyone is repulsive to me; everyone except you. I still love you, and I still want you, and I fucking hate myself for the fact that I love you.

I dreamt of you recently; it was a pleasant dream, where you held me and comforted me. I realized it was a dream; it became pretty fucking obvious it wasn’t real when I heard your gentle tone and reassuring eyes, because in the end you gave me NOTHING. You fucked me and looked at me with disgust and repulsion when I tried to intertwine our hands. But in this dream you loved me; in this dream you held me just like how you held me back then before you got bored of me and threw me away like I’m worthless. And when I realized it was a dream I wish I could say I pushed you away but instead I held on, I held on and I fucking prayed not to wake up, and when I felt myself waking and you fading away I SCREAMED at myself not to wake up, and through my sheer power of will I somehow stayed, where I was free to hold onto you for another few minutes, and I fucking savored it, how I fucking savored it; how I buried my face in the crook of your neck and held you so tight because I miss you, and I love you, and I need you, and I remember what the warmth of your flesh felt like, and I knew I’d never get to feel you again; this is the closest to you I’ll ever get.

But then I woke up and it was over, and you’re still gone, and you’re not coming back, and I still haven’t accepted it, and oh god, will I just be stuck here forever? It doesn’t matter how much I drink to forget you; it numbs the pain and makes it a distant ache but it doesn’t make it go away, and then I wake up and I’m sober again. And I can’t even smoke weed, because anytime I do I just see your face, and I feel you, and it BURNS. Are you always going to just be here, not here, haunting me? Is the memory of you the ball and chain I’ll have shackles to my ankle forever?

Maybe I should fucking cut myself. It’s been three years since I’ve last done it but maybe I should, because I’m out of options; I want to cut again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again until I feel better, until I cut away my pain for the day, until it all goes away, until I feel that familiar feeling of serenity and satisfaction flood my mind. It’s the only thing that could make me feel better. Now.

[eureka-its-zico]

Okay now that I’ve finally collected my thoughts..

This is going to be such a brain dump and I’m really sorry but I hope it makes sense 🫠

Chapter 8 surprised me in so many good ways and once again that shows how good of a writer you are. I don’t want to write any spoilers in case people who come here haven’t caught up so I’ll have to allude… but like

Wow

When people say that they’re going to write angst and hurt comfort and action with violence (some of my favourite genres don’t judge) etc I always expect these parts to be short and fast paced as that’s what I’ve usually come across because readers and writers alike, we just can’t wait to get to the happy part after a small dose of angst.

But I knew with you, when you said you were going to torture us you were not going to disappoint. And tortured I was but in the BEST WAY.

You didn’t rush anything, you went into so much detail, you made sure that we got everything with that build up (slow burn oh my gosh) before moving onto a happy moment (omg the first reunion with Z had me in BITS I was so on edge I wanted to scream which is exactly how this should be even if I was in pain - thank you and well done). I then thought, ‘okay wish we could have prolonged this but I enjoyed it for what it was’

And then we went back to angst??? And I thought?? ‘Okay okay didn’t see this coming I’m liking it okay. What other surprises am I gonna get’

And then we had another happy moment (my goodness the hurt comfort was THRIVING thank you for building that tension because my god did you deliver) so I thought again ‘okay that was a nice little surprise, so the MC is saved now’ and then you had that ending? That cliffhanger? When I tell you I screamed ‘YESSS OMG MORE ANGST MORE ANGST’ I was not kidding

I read someone say that they basically came here for Zoro and stayed for the fic and I’ve never related to something so much. What I thought I was going to get with this series compared to what we’ve got, has blown me out of the water.

If this was a book I would buy it.

You’ve just… yeah. I’m honestly blown away by your writing and how you’ve paced it (I know I keep talking about pacing but it’s something even well known published writers struggle with and yet here you are, doing it absolutely brilliantly)

I sent my friend a 7 min voice note the other day just screaming at her about how good this fic is to the point where she’s asked for the link (she’s a Sanji girl and mainly reads Sanji stuff so you know this fic has been sold well if she’s considering reading it) and honestly? After finishing chapter 8, I haven’t stopped thinking about it.

I just. I have nothing more to say. It’s incredible. So incredible I may even start rereading it. It’s just. You’ve ticked every single box for what I personally would want in a fic and that is rare and I know I’m not the only one.

Tldr; damn.

Sorry for the word splurge, I just needed to tell you you’re awesome

Osiyo, darling,

Okay. I’ve been disgusting this since you sent it because there is a lot of goodness in this that turned me incredibly soft. Please don’t ever apologizing for dumping on me about anything!

You are also incredibly sweet trying not to spoil anything. You are just a sweet and kind bean at this point who can do no wrong in my eyes.

There would never be any judgement here from me on what anyone likes to read. Just no judgement from me really on anything. My sister’s favorite things to read are far different from mine - she lives and breathes filth 🤣 - and that’s okay. As long as it gets someone reading and having a good time, it’s truly all that should matter.

As for the angst part, I can agree that we just always want to conclude the heavier parts faster to get to the good part, but that isn’t how I roll. I feel like it does such a disservice to the stories to not flush out characters and the scene. There is so much that can be explored in a moment and we shouldn’t be scared to do that in the slightest. I say this knowing very well I’ve been doing this with this next chapter 🙄

Angst is my bread and butter. I think, personally, I’m better at it than fluff or smut, although I work hard on these too, because I just want to grow as a writer, and not attempting them feels like a greater disservice to myself. So, just reading how much you enjoyed the angst throughout the chapter sprinkled in with all the other bits makes me feel thankful. I’m always hyper aware of this and making sure it’s always as balanced as I can get it throughout the story.

Ugh. To have two people tell me they came for Zoro and stayed for the fic makes me incredibly emotional. You don’t understand. Then to say if it was a book you’d buy it? Literally sobbing because it’s my dream one day to be able to publish something. Literal tears.

Add in the voice note rant and I’m hugging myself. This is so relatable. I literally do this exact thing all day. Just ranting throughout the day like a crazy lady about fic ideas or just things I see constantly. I’m truly humbled that my story is rant worthy to a friend 🖤🖤 the best compliment thank you so much.

I’m not sure there are any appropriate words to explain how much I loved reading this. How your comments truly impacted me in such a meaningful way. It isn’t enough, but thank you so so much.

[tuseimaireligione]

i never skip a single song you added to our playlist cuz they somehow make me feel closer to you. there are some things i’d like to assure you but i cannot. i’ll never set you free from the disturbing things i’ve been built upon. i don’t mean to hurt you though. they are crying and yelling now and I see how they have never managed to escape their own failures. i’m afraid i’ll end up the same way. i know nothing of love. i come from a broken home and they have shattered me multiple times. i can’t help but feeling imma break every person I feel attached to. i’m a mess and you hate mess, but no one will ever love your lips the way I do. maybe they will do it better, but not the way I do. i wish I had been brought up in a different place. I wish I had woken up to humming more often than to curses. I wish he had not hurt me. I wish she had not locked me in the goddamn restroom. I wish she had not made me apologize one hundred times for no forgiveness at all.

you show me something different

“Funny thing about you is you read me pretty well

But you haven't found me yet at the bottom of the well”

thing is I miss you when you’re not around. i’m scared I like you so much because of my lack of caring. i’m scared you like me so much because you do not know me at all.

honey you do not see that. I see your face and I am sent straight away to heaven. I would rather die than being hell to you. my momma has always told me i ruin everything around me which makes me want to keep you inside my heart shaped box to eternity.

but i can’t lock you.

only if I could fly… things would be different

if I were a bomb would you still hold me this gently? i kinda hope you would because i’ve been allowing frenetic heartbeats for you. i wish our playlist lasted forever. i promise to keep songwriting when it is over. hope you do same.

you had me from the first stare and smile.

[sewnloveletters]

I learned how to be human this year

Somewhere this month, someone asked me “What are your plans for Christmas?” and I answered “Nothing. Maybe take myself on a reading date if I’m bored. But I think I’ll just stay at home.”

“That’s kind of sad,” this person answered sympathetically. “It’s fine, I’ve had times where I celebrated like this anyway, so I’m not sad at all.” I answered. I understand that the concept of spending your Christmas— a holiday meant to be celebrated with friends and family— alone was sad, but it was never a big deal for me. As I said, there have been times when I celebrated alone, so I stopped feeling sad about it a long time ago.

After my parents decided that I’d grown out of Christmas (which happened when I started middle school), we stopped celebrating. Or, if we did, it was just pre-Christmas parties with their friends or colleagues. My family has never been big on celebrations, and this applies to other holidays and events.

But there have been times when it has hurt me. Last year, my dad forgot my birthday and I had to spend it alone with my mom in this extravagant restaurant. I did not fully enjoy myself because, for the whole day, I was upset that my dad forgot and went out of town to golf with his friends. The year before that, he didn’t say happy birthday to me at all and invited his friends to our house for a BBQ. Yes, I got food, and it was good— my dad is amazing at BBQ— but he didn’t cook it for me. He cooked it for his friends and I just happened to be there. At least that’s how I felt.

My mom has always remembered every birthday and is always keen to celebrate holidays, but there were also times when they were out of town or just too busy to celebrate. And I was always fine with that.

From this, you can understand how used I am to being alone. In fact, I liked it very much. So you can imagine my surprise when i realized today that I was actually alone—and that i felt alone.

I have not felt lonely since I was in 3rd or 4th grade; I haven’t felt alone in years.

I thought that I would be fine, but now that Christmas is nearing, I’m starting to feel that loneliness. I’m missing the people I love the most, and I wish I didn’t have to spend Christmas alone this year. I wouldn’t have minded if I spent it alone last year (in fact, I did), but this year, I think I’ve finally learned how it feels to actually miss people and have just now realized how much these people I love care about me in return. It’s not like I didn’t have friends I was close to prior to this year, but I think somewhere along the way this year, I realized that my problem all along was that I used to intellectualize my feelings when it came to “missing” people.

I think I’ve only learned how to truly love and open up this year because I have finally let go of the one thing that has always been a great source of pain for me—my relationship with my dad. And as I’m typing this, I can’t believe that I would ever, in my life, say that I miss him. But here I am, crying in bed about how much I miss my friends and family.

I won’t get into the details of this, but earlier this year, my dad told me (through my mom) that he was sorry for treating me so harshly and that he’s getting therapy. He didn’t directly apologize to me, and I don’t think I will ever get a direct apology. But my Asian father— a very traditionally masculine man with outdated views on mental health— getting therapy is proof enough for me that he is sincere in his actions. So the moment I heard it from my mom, I forgave him for every single thing he had said or done to me. Since then, he has changed and has started openly showing his affection toward me.

It’s odd how fragile human emotions can be. Emotions are these ever-changing, fragile, unpredictable things, influenced by the tiniest change in circumstances.

Even if this thing is something that you’ve been used to your whole life (ex: my desensitization to loneliness), 6 months of change could destroy the wall you’ve spent your whole life building.

It’s a weird thing to say, but I feel like I only started being a human this year. I think I’ve regained my capability to fully love and miss people because I have let go of the thing that has for years and years, been a great source of pain for me.

I’m so grateful to have such great people in my life, and even though i’m lonely right now, it’s for a good reason. In a weird way i’m happy that i feel lonely right now because this means that i have in a way, regained my ability to feel this deeply. Maybe subconsciously, I’ve finally realized that feeling lonely may not be a sign of weakness, and i wish my younger-self knew that it’s okay to feel this way instead of blocking it out. I wish she knew that saying a genuine “I miss you” is not a sign of defeat. It’s a sign of a good life—one surrounded by people you yearn to see is a life full of love.

[humansarefake]

I don’t hate you. I never could hate anyone or anything. Oh honey, I learned to stop hating people ever since they started hating me. I couldn’t bring myself to hold a grudge against you anymore. I’ve always been naive about certain aspects of people, never fully understanding myself, but I get why people are upset with me, why you wouldn’t want to see me like this. I know you care. I know you do. A lot of people care. A lot of people actually show me love. Special people. It’s just me. I’m a problem for you, a problem maybe beyond fixing. And I’m a horrible person. The countless apologies I give mean nothing because I always find a way to destroy and ruin what we rebuild over and over again. I see you crying over the mess I always cause, and who wouldn’t say that I hate them or that you hate me? But I don’t know why I do it. I don’t know why I don’t stop. I just keep doing it. And that’s where I lose myself in so many situations. That’s why I’m always a problem for people. I hate that sentence, but it’s hypocritical of me to say because I say it as well. I think I found the reason. I met a lovely person. At first, we were mostly strangers and friends, but then I slowly became so much closer to them and felt deeply in love. We got together, which was a happy opening for me in life. But you know what? I couldn’t just love them because I was so much more obsessed with hating myself on a daily basis. Hating myself, my ego, and God forbid I take a chance at the opportunity of being able to make it and love properly. It was more about hating myself than anything else. And I love her so very much. I love her, but I just ruined myself for her because I loved hating myself more than I loved her. And it hurts. Because you love people. You love them so much, and it makes it worse for you because you are so selfish in hating yourself that you can’t see the people who really care trying to reach out to you. But life doesn’t let me see that every single time. And that’s why I have a falling out with my friends and family and the people who really love me. I wish I could say sorry, but I’ve already sinned too much to just say sorry again and again. But I hope you know that I love you. I love you so very much, so deeply in my heart. You deserve everything, and I try to give you it all. I try to make you feel rewarded. I’m really trying. I say it every time because I hope that I can make you feel good all the time. I’m just trying. I hope I can make it. I love you.

[dadkisser15]

Loudest exasperated sigh

Just saw what this girl had posted up on her ig and I’m contemplating ending my shit !!! Is it that serious, no but it makes my heart ache; I feel stupid and now I’m connecting some things. I feel angry but also stupid because it isn’t a big deal, why am I so angry? I’m just jealous that’s what but why do I feel threatened, I was already aware of her yet I still continued to try and win his heart over but now I feel really dumb seeing this. Am I threatened by her presence? Kind of. Does she even want him, I don’t know but it still bugs me. Why is he featured in every single post??? Is that really necessary? Or are they just that close. It’s ridiculous how many times I’ve cried about this, am i seriously jealous over some girl? Well no, I know it isn’t that. I know that isn’t the main reason, i don’t even think i could put it into words really maybe I’ll elaborate later but i feel so frustrated just thinking about it. She clearly means something to him and that also stings, it just makes me want to back down to stop my advances and coward away. I mean isn’t that how any would respond knowing there’s another woman? I can’t just be angry or whatever at him cause he isn’t even my boyfriend plus he swears he doesn’t have any female friends yet this is right in my face! Like oh what’s this … ohhhhhhhhhh I gotta kill my self rn 😨😨😨😨😨😨😨😨😨😨😨

I just feel like I’m making a fool of myself being all affectionate towards him. It hurts knowing I’m never anyone’s number one and knowing this wouldn’t be the first time I’m the other woman call me dramatic but stuff like this really bothers me and I’m a very jealous girl. I keep telling myself I need to coward away and I need to calm down and not throw myself all over him but I love him so bad and I just care so much about him that I just want to act that way towards him but with this lingering in the back of my head it’s like yelling at me and telling me I shouldn’t be doing that because he isn’t mine. But I want him and I want him to be mine and I don’t care about no girl, well I do care but is some bitch going to stop me from acting any way towards him, no!! But it’s eating me up; like who is she towards you? Do you joke with her like how you joke with me, do you also call her sweet names ?? I’ll never know and that kills me. I’m just scared 🤣!!! Really scared that I’m getting played again. My ex messaged me the other day apologizing to me about being an awful person and I dont really care for what happened anymore but those feelings came back, being reminded how I was treated like a joke and how I was made fun of just because I loved someone. Honestly, he can apologize all he wants but I don’t think I could ever forgive him for treating me like a joke, why would you say yes to me and make fun of me whilst I showed you the most vulnerable parts of me and my heart. It makes me sick knowing I gave my body to such a cruel person. Wishing death upon me for what??? What did I even do to him; it still confuses me. I’m just so scared I’m doing the same thing again, I don’t think this boy is cruel or mean the opposite really, I think he’s a sweetheart and he seems to really care for me but I’m still so scared of getting used again. I dont know how such a little thing triggered all of this but I’m just very insecure, god I would probably scare him off if I came to him and told him about how I was feeling. I spoke to him about this one girl before like two months ago and if he knew I saw her post he’d most definitely find me creepy. Knowing that I saw what she posted of him like why am I looking around!!! It’s my curiosity and jealousy making me do weird and odd things. It’s like one minute I want to be the only woman in his life and another I’m just like okay she can have you all to herself and I’m stuck between that. Like what the fuck is wrong with my head😨😨😨😨😨😨!! I hate myself I can’t

Even write properly right now, I feel so-jumbled. Like god I love him so much but this girl makes me feel so bad about myself and like i shouldn’t even try. She’s prettier than me too and god that crushes me internally, I’m going to drive myself crazy looking at her pictures. Okay bye guys I’m going to rot in my bed and contemplate ending it for the next hour or so. Try not to kms challenge really hard 😨 #gonewrong #myfinaldays 🤔😁 #nothing is going right #im crazy. #canitrustthisman 😨 #i just want him and only him #is that crazy #im going to end it #why am I deranged

[accurate-ant]

To be fair that could be said for all of the royals. But I do have to argue, because I have a lot of feelings about this, that it could also be said for none of them. Correct me if I’m wrong, but we don’t exactly get an idea of the power each royal wields in the movies. We know that there is a High King over all of them and the others rule their kingdoms like governors, but we don’t know what they do outside of that. For all we know Cinderella has been championing the cause of the VKs for years before Ben brings them over. Maybe she in particular hasn’t been, but I find it highly probable that at least some of the royals we campaigning to bring the VKs over since they were discovered. Rapunzel was raised by a villain herself and Flynn Ryder and Aladdin both used to be thieves. We also don’t know how much each kingdom knows about the isle of the lost. It is possible that the details are kept to the king alone. That being said maybe all of the royals are aware of the conditions there. I’ve read a lot of fics where some royals were trying to bring children over from the isle king before Ben made his proclamation, but didn’t have the power. The royals in those fics varied (usually on the authors personal preference), but I’ve always liked that more than, “every single hero sat on their ass and did nothing while children suffered”, it allows for more nuance.

All that to say, maybe Cinderella was aware of it. Of everything that happened to the kids, I’ve certainly read fics where she was (I’d recommend one to you, but it is very forgiving of Audrey and centers around her as a main character, so I don’t think you’d like it). Or maybe she’s not. It is your AU and you get to make that ultimate decision.

(It is also important to note my personal bias in this post, as Cinderella was one of my favorite princesses growing up and I loved her and Bridget’s friendship in the movie, even if we didn’t get to see that much of it, and I want them to have a chance to rekindle that. It would probably have to start with an apology from Cinderella along the lines of, “I had no idea you and Hook had kids and ever since I found out I’ve been fighting to get them off the isle and back to you. That doesn’t mean anything because I still hurt you and understand if you no longer wish to be my friend, but I wish your family all the best” or something.)

...You know, Cinderella in Rise of Red is a real hypocrite! Her line, "I won't kneel to a tyrant." Okay, so you won't kneel to a tyrant in your own words.

But you WILL kneel to a CHILD INPRISONER AND DIRECT/INDIRECT CHILD KILLER for over thirty years? (beast)

Okay then.

[keenmemes]

𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐂.  𝐋𝐘𝐑𝐈𝐂  𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄  𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒. ↪  feel free to change wording, pronouns, etc. as necessary.

‘ am i a villain or a saint? ’  ‘ it’s not my fault.  it never was. ’  ‘ maybe you should let me go. ’  ‘ do you need me the way you say you do? ’  ‘ if i’m not careful, my love might consume you. ’  ‘ does it really have to end like this? ’  ‘ you told me that you loved me last night. ’  ‘ why is it always misery that i choose? ’  ‘ i am nothing, no one, nobody no more. ’  ‘ i always find a way to prove that i’m undeserving of you. ’  ‘ i think you owe me an apology. ’  ‘ i’m a bad man, if i’m just being honest. ’  ‘ i got carried away, just like i always do. ’  ‘ having it all is never enough. ’  ‘ you could kill me, and you should. ’  ‘ i just love to pick a fight. ’  ‘ let’s see how fast you can run. ’  ‘ i can’t keep guessing if it’s me you’re missing. ’  ‘ i gave you my word. ’  ‘ i am the lie that you adore. ’  ‘ i am the closest thing to god, so worship me and never stop. ’  ‘ why won’t you look at me? ’  ‘ you’re the only one that can calm me down. ’  ‘ did you ever take a moment just to think about anyone other than yourself? ’  ‘ i did a lot wrong i can’t make right. ’  ‘ i don’t care if it hurts. ’  ‘ i’m too young to feel so numb. ’  ‘ make me feel something. ’  ‘ i’ve been holding on with all my might. ’  ‘ nothing seems to make me feel okay. ’  ‘ i am the thing you created. ’  ‘ must be nice to have a way to cope. ’  ‘ do you think there’s something wrong with me? ’  ‘ give me a reason to believe in you. ’  ‘ i’ll do anything; just tell me what you need. ’  ‘ the more you care, the more they make you pay. ’  ‘ i was doomed from the start. ’  ‘ if i could go back, i wouldn’t change a single thing. ’  ‘ i used to believe in justice. ’  ‘ fear’s good for profit. ’  ‘ i’m done with feeling empty. ’  ‘ these memories are nothing to me. ’  ‘ every time you go, i come a little undone. ’  ‘ there’s no love left.  was there ever any? ’  ‘ you wanna play pretend?  well, i can’t. ’  ‘ i wish i could forget we ever met. ’  ‘ some days, the world is way too loud. ’  ‘ there’s nothing you can do to save me now. ’  ‘ tell me the truth.  are you really surprised? ’  ‘ i need to know where your loyalties lie. ’  ‘ you keep on talking with nothing to say. ’  ‘ how could i change when i’m still the same person? ’  ‘ you are everything that i’d die for. ’  ‘ don’t let your conscience get in the way. ’  ‘ who’s to say that i am not to blame? ’ 

[purple-babygirl]

hi im not sure if you’re taking requests so you can ignore this if you’d like, but i really liked your mafia bucky fic !! and i was wondering if you could do one where maybe someone breaks into the house and the reader has to force themselves to be big for a little bit just so they can fight them off and then she runs to the little safe room and goes little there and Bucky finds her there and comforts her and it’s just all fluffy? sorry if this is so specific i just loved the last fic sm 😅

Pairing: Mafia!Daddy!Bucky Barnes x f!little!reader

Word count: 1,958

Warnings: reader gets attacked (includes harassment and mentions of violence, cursing, guns), reader gets hurt, mentions of killing, Bucky's softness (yes it's a warning), ddlg dynamics.

A/N: I've been holding onto this one for forever now I'm really sorry for taking so long, dear nonnie🥺 it means the world to me that you liked mafia!daddy!bucky and i hope i delivered with this one and that you like it as much, love. Please enjoy ily xx💜

~

safe

You’re a big girl.

You’re a big girl.

You’re a big girl. You can do this.

It all happened too fast. She woke up to guns shooting, Bucky’s men yelling at each other before all the voices suddenly stopped and the door to their bedroom was violently kicked open.

She didn’t even have time to scream before she was dragged from under the large bed by her ankle.

You’re a big girl.

You’re a big girl.

You’re a big girl. Just like Daddy taught you.

“Let go! You don’t wanna do this!” she shrieked, warning the person trying to snatch her off the floor, her leg kicking as she struggled to flee his vice-like hold.

She’d suddenly forgotten every single self-defense move Bucky has ever taught her and was thrashing in panic.

“Oh, I don’t?” the man laughed, his grip painful on her limb as he tried to get on top of her.

She screamed when he dug his fingernails in the flesh of her shin, forcing her legs apart.

“Such a delicate little thing.” He licked his lips when he drew blood, running his gun up her bare leg, pressing down when it reached her inner thigh, “beg me to let you go.”

The words infuriated her big self. If Bucky had taught her one thing that she could never forget it was how dear and precious she was.

“Do you know who my man is?” Her free foot collided with the intruder’s chin, hitting him just right for his teeth to slam together, making him groan and loosen his grasp.

“I beg no one for nothing.” She spat, clumsily standing up, rushing inside Bucky’s large walk-in closet.

“You’re gonna regret that, you little bitch!” The masked man threatened, banging his fist on the door, “I’m gonna make that man of yours weep blood over your dead slut body!”

Her breath was coming out in puffs as tears blurred her vision. With trembling fingers, she moved Bucky’s hung-up suits to the side, revealing the metal door to the panic room.

You’re a big girl.

You’re a big girl.

You’re a big girl. Just a bit longer.

She could hear the man take a few steps back and she knew he was going to shoot the closet open. Her shaky fingers pushed the buttons and typed the number code, the date of the day Bucky had asked her to be his.

I feel safe knowing I have you, angel, so it’s only fit that we make it the safe room code, he'd told her with a playful shrug.

She slid inside as soon as the door moved, pushing her back against the concrete wall, trying to take her breath. The door clicked shut right before the wooden one to the closet was thrown open.

You’re a big girl.

You’re a big girl.

You’re a big girl. You got this.

She let out a relieved sigh that broke into a sob as she tiredly slid down the wall, still hearing the scary man curse, bang and shoot on the safe room door.

Where was Bucky? She couldn’t hold on any longer. This wasn’t a situation she wanted to be present in. Her body started folding up, taking fetal position as her mind led her to the safer side against her better will. Even her fists closed upon themselves, tears leaving her eyes and traveling down the bridge of her nose. She was losing consciousness of her present surroundings, pictures of Bucky’s eyes spreading in her vision instead of the dull, grey walls of the room.

She was crying too loudly to hear the firing of Bucky’s gun right outside the door or the peeping of the door as it slid open once again.

“Angel!” Bucky’s voice sounded so distant. She felt like she was drowning with how muffled his calls were to her ears.

Seeing her body shake with sobs on the floor like that made Bucky want to walk out and shoot the man’s dead body again and again until he couldn’t be identified.

How dare they send someone here? How dare they violate the sanctity of his home? They were certainly not going to live another day to repeat or repent from their sins.

“Angel, are you hurt?” He kneeled beside her, gently untangling her limbs to check if she was wounded anywhere.

Aside from a couple of nasty scratches by her ankle, she was physically okay and Bucky could breathe a little better as his body sagged on the floor.

He swallowed and lifted her on his lap, signaling his men to leave when they stepped in the room to check if they were needed after ‘cleaning up’.

“Get me water.” Was all he said and they were running to the nearest fridge.

“I’m sorry, my angel. I’m here now. You’re okay.” Bucky mumbled, lips hovering over her temple.

“Dada.” Her body leaned into his warmth but her cries didn’t stop and Bucky could only hold her closer as he tried not to let guilt rip him apart.

She was like that now because of him. Had he been a normal man with a normal life, she would’ve been safer. She didn’t deserve to be startled awake only to be chased by a criminal in the middle of the night. She didn’t deserve any of the bullshit that hit her because she was with Bucky.

He kept planting kiss after kiss to her head, wishing he could go back and be there to protect her.

“Shh, you’re okay, my angel. You’re safe,” he kept telling her as he supported himself up with her in his arms.

Her cries were dying down and she was getting comfier in Bucky’s protective hold, fingers digging in his shoulders afraid he would leave again.

“Please, calm down, baby. I’m here. No one can hurt you, angel.” Bucky took her out and to the bathroom so he could take a look at her leg.

“Baby, are you hurt anywhere else?” he asked after sitting her down on the cold counter.

Instead of answering, she pressed her forehead to his chest and kept sniveling, hands clutching Bucky’s jacket. She wasn’t ready for him to let her go yet. She may be too far gone but her body knew it needed to be close to Bucky’s.

“Baby, please come back to me,” Bucky begged, tears threatening to spill from his once hard, cold eyes.

“Angel,” his thumb brushed her cheek and she finally looked up to him.

“Dada, I was so scared.” She sobbed, shaking at the memory.

“I’m sorry, my angel.” Bucky pressed his lips to her forehead, “I’m here with you, baby. No need to be scared anymore.”

“That man- he-” she hiccupped.

“You’re okay, angel. Breathe.” Bucky stroked her back warmly as she buried her face in his chest again.

He took the bottle of water from one of his men, waving him out of the bathroom.

“Here, baby, drink some water.”

She wouldn’t move. She just wanted to be close to Daddy. She was scared and Bucky was safety. He was home.

“For me, baby. Just a tiny sip.” Bucky twisted the bottle cap open, gently cupping her cheek to coax her away from his body.

His heart swelled when she leaned her damp cheek on his palm, enjoying the warmth. Her smaller hand cupped his and her eyes closed, her face further pressed into Bucky’s hand as a soft sigh escaped her lips.

Bucky bit his lip, holding back the waterworks. He should’ve been here; should’ve prevented it all from happening. His thumb brushed her chin and she opened her eyes.

“Drink a little, angel.” Bucky offered a kind smile.

She nodded, sitting up straighter, her lashes wet with tears as she looked up to Bucky, her gaze holding no blame.

He brought the bottle to her lips and she gulped down, the chilled water soothing her sore throat.

“Better?” Bucky cocked his head to the side and she nodded, sniffing.

Bucky bowed, holding his forehead against hers. He just wanted to feel her breathe soundly; wanted to make his mind stop telling him he almost lost her forever.

“Dada.”

“Yes, my angel.” Bucky pecked her lips.

“My leg hurts.” Her voice was awfully small as she pointed to the burning scratches ruining her beautiful skin. Bucky wished he could hide her between his ribs in place of his heart.

“Daddy’s got you, angel.”

Bucky cleaned her wound, apologizing with a kiss to her cheek every time she hissed. He had her tell him what happened to distract her and it worked. She wanted him to be proud so much she eagerly told him all about kicking the bad man. Tears gathered in her eyes once again when he applied ointment but she continued with her story, Bucky’s smile keeping her calm.

“Angel, you were so brave! I’m so proud of you, baby.” Bucky kissed her bandaged leg, “how did you do that?!”

“Kept thinkin’ dada thoughts.” She hugged Bucky again.

Bucky was a puddle on the bathroom floor. She was telling him she was brave like that because she was thinking of him through it all. He adored her so much he didn’t know who he was if not her man.

“I promise this is the last time you would ever have to go through anything like that,” Bucky assured, chuckling lovingly when she squeezed him harder and nodded.

She believed Bucky. She knew he could keep her safe. This wasn’t a usual occurrence, Bucky’s always made sure she was protected. She had no doubt anything would change. She trusted her Daddy with all her heart.

Bucky knew that and it scared him to death. He was scared one day he might not be up to the trust she’d put in him. He feared disappointing her; not being there for her in time. He was terrified a day would come where he might let her down.

“Never again. You’re safe, my angel. You’re always safe with me.”

Bucky’s soft lips placed a languishing kiss to her forehead. Her eyes were next, Bucky kissed her eyelids and under her eyes. Then he left wet kisses on both cheeks before pecking her nose. She smiled shyly when he pressed his mouth to the corner of hers.

“I love you, angel,” Bucky whispered against her lips before kissing her.

~

Bucky carried her back to their bed. The room was organized again, nothing was out of place and she was in Daddy’s arms. She was safe once more.

Bucky held her to his chest all night, his mind too loud to let him fall asleep. She went back to bed almost immediately though. Bucky’s presence was all it really took for her to feel peaceful enough to close her eyes and dream again.

When she moved out of his embrace in her sleep, Bucky carefully left the room and went to his office to review the security cameras footage. He knew watching the attack would make his blood boil again but he had to see what happened and how the unlucky asshole got inside his mansion.

While she already told him she’d defended herself, Bucky was the proudest seeing it unfold on the screen.

“Do you know who my man is?... I beg no one.”

The words brought the largest smile to Bucky’s lips. He was so proud of his angel; so amazed by her courage. He thought he couldn’t love her any more than he already did and he was wrong. His heart has picked the right girl and for that he was grateful. Bucky took one last look at the shining ring in his top drawer before shutting it and walking back to continue cuddling his precious sweetheart.

~~

Tags: @harrysthiccthighss, @tinystudentfirepurse, @lavendercitizen

[ladyanput]

Ok so this is the third time that I'm sending you an ask tonight. (or is it night time in your country?) I'm being annoying right now but whatever. So I've been cackling about those salt fics you wrote because they are just amazing. I have a request, though it is up to you to write it or not. So, can you write a salt fic where someone got an interview with Ladybug (probably Aurore) and then they ask her why they replaced the old heroes like Rena Rouge, Carapace and etc. and LB is just like I don't work with dumb shits or somethin'. Then there is also a new Black Cat (Probably Luka, Felix, or Damian) because Adrien here is an asshole and this fic is saltier than salt water. Then LB also insults Alya's blog and their school. Those foolish mortals get some lawsuits and the rest is up to you. (This request is probably messed up since it's already midnight here and I can't sleep.)

You're never annoying, I just apologize that it took me so long to get to you. I do hope you don't hold it against me, darling.

A one on one interview with Ladybug was basically unheard of if you weren't the Ladyblog or Nadja Chadwick. Ladybug had made it firm that she wasn't a celebrity, she was a hero. She wasn't there for clout, for attention, for fame or fortune. She just wanted to keep Paris safe.

That's was Aurore admired about her. And why she felt queasy as she sat across from the heroine, who had given her of all people an interview. But she got ahold of herself, taking deep breaths as the cameraman began counting down. And when he hit 'one', she put on her best smile and straightened in her seat.

"Hello Paris! Welcome back to 'Latest Buzz'! I am your lovable host, Aurore Beauréal. Today I am here with a very, very special guest, our very own heroine of Paris; Ladybug!"

Ladybug beamed right at the camera, but gave a shy little wave, giving away the nerves she obviously had.

"Now, Ladybug, I'm so glad you requested to be on the show. You know, I initially thought I had misheard when Estelle told me. Usually you're not big on personal interviews." Aurore gave her full attention to Ladybug, but keeping the bright, friendly smile and perfect posture.

"Well, I tried a few times actually. But when I did, none of them were really great experiences." Ladybug admitted and both girls immediately thought of that disastrous Face-to-Face interview. It left a bitter taste in their mouths. "My issue is that misinformation has been spread around a lot recently. It's made me realize that I need to find more trustworthy sources."

"Ladybug. I vow on my integrity as a host and Estelle's reputation as a journalist that we are people who research facts. We don't ambush our guests, we respect them." She said, placing a hand on her heart. Ladybug saw an honesty in her eyes that she hadn't seen in such a long time. It honestly made her feel.. Respected. "Now, Ladybug.. We both know you have a lot of fans. A lot of admirers. False information can be spread so easily these days, which sources specifically are you telling people to avoid?"

"Well.. With Face-to-Face, I found that I was entirely ambushed in that interview. I wanted to speak about my hero work, but instead Nadja kept trying to needle her way into my personal life. That picture she had shown in largely out of context; when Dark Cupid attacked and Chat Noir was under his spell, it was the only way to get him free."

"Yes, I remember watching that. I'll be honest Ladybug, I felt bad for you." Aurore bit her lip, but smiled a bit when Ladybug nodded. "I mean, Chat Noir wasn't helping either. He seemed to be trying to push this narrative forward that you two are a couple."

"And we're not!" Ladybug burst out before she could stop herself. Everyone in that studio could hear the utter stress and frustration in her voice. "I've begged and begged Chat Noir to stop with the flirting, the 'telling people we're dating', everything! I just wanted him to focus and he couldn't seem to do that!"

"Is that why you replaced him? Because of his slacking off and refusing to take anything seriously?" Aurora sat up an bit straighter, her eyes going wide.

".. Not exactly, no. It was a bunch of issues that eventually piled up and boiled over." Ladybug made some gestures with her hands, trying her hardest to find the words but just letting out a long and pained sigh in the end. "I do enjoy my new partner now. He is more serious, more stable. I know he won't go off and pout if I deny something he wanted. I needed an entirely new team, as a matter of fact."

"Well I am going to say, on behalf of everyone here, that we're glad. We swear on our integrity as journalists that if such rumours were to ever surface again, we will do our proper research." Aurore beamed and many of the staff and crew behind the cameras nodded and gave Ladybug their thumbs up. Honestly, it warmed Ladybug's heart to see such support.

When had been the last time someone had supported her like this? Sure, her parents supported her, but her friends..? Her peers? No, none of them had supported her in a long time.

"Speaking of research, I'd say to stay away from the Ladyblog." It burned to say it but it had to be said. Alya had crossed so many lines it wasn't even forgivable at this point. She had gone too far, had betrayed too many.

"Wait, what?" Aurore nearly jumped out of her seat but quickly composed herself, taking a deep breath. "Pardon me Ladybug, but the Ladyblog has been a vital source of information since the very beginning."

"And I'm not denying that!" Ladybug quickly held up her hands, her eyes desperate now. "But please let me explain. The Ladyblog was amazing in the beginning, but like all things, it started to go astray. It was things like trying so hard to find out my identity. Trying to push that narrative of that whole superhero couple thing.. Ladyblogger Alya Césaire has proven time and time again that she is not trustworthy. I mean, I thought she was my biggest fan. Why does she keep pushing my words aside?"

Many people who watched the interview would agree. If you idolized someone, respected someone, truly looked up to them.. Why would you push aside their words, their wishes to try and push the narrative you're so convinced is true, but isn't there?

"And don't get me started on the whole Lila Rossi craze she seemed to be on now." At Ladybug's mention of Lila Rossi, both Estelle and Aurore had to keep from rolling their eyes. They knew all about the girl.

"You speak as if you are quite frustrated, Ladybug. What an odd reaction to your best friend." Aurore leaned forward a bit in her seat. Everyone else got to the edge of theirs. Ladybug only shook her head, looking utterly defeated.

"That's the thing, she isn't my best friend." It took everything to keep from satin that she hated her, that she had taken away her friends and her life. "The only times she's met Ladybug is when she's been akumatized, which has been around six or seven times at this point. And the other things she's claiming are so outlandish! Saving Jagged Stone's kitten from a airport runway? Clara Nightengale stealing her dance moves? And the Ladyblog just posts it out there, claiming every single story is true. I'm just scared that people are taking this one hundred percent seriously. That's why I had to drop Rena Rouge and Carapace from the team as they believed Lila Rossi over me. They didn't even try to confirm these rumours! And it hurts to think that one day, someone will take Lila's words seriously and get hurt. What if she says it's safe to dip strawberries in bleach? Or tells someone that she found a way to tame some kind of wild animal? Someone would get hurt because they believe her story and try it out for themselves!"

"My goodness, I can definitely see how that is a problem. Misinformation is very easy to spread thanks to the internet, so you being worried is a very relatable thing." Aurore nodded, then tilted her head ever so slightly. "Ladybug, do you know anyone who has taken her word seriously? This is besides the Ladyblog of course."

Ladybug closed her eyes briefly, mentally debating with herself before finally giving in. These things needed to be said.

"Collège François DuPont. Now I wasn't there personally, but I heard about this situation and looked into it. The entire situation was appalling. Apparently a student was found to have cheated, assaulted another student, and commited thievery. But the thing that stuck out is only one person saw her do all of these things; Lila Rossi. No investigation was done, no questioning other students. This student was then expelled immediately. Her teacher and her principal didn't even give her a chance. And from what people have been saying, Miss Rossi's behaviour is actively encouraged in that school. She misses countless days, no, months of school, claiming she's traveling. But when she was supposedly in Achu, doing whatever it was she was claiming with Prince Ali, I was fighting her akuma here in Paris on Heroes Day!"

"I was at school the day that happened. I knew the student that happened to. They're the nicest person in that school! Never a bad thing to say about anyone, always willing to help! I agree with you on how things were handled, it's a level of incompetence that is baffling." Aurore's hands slowly curled into fists as she remembered it all. She slowly shook her head. "The principal, their teacher, their class who backed up Rossi. It must have hurt them so much, made them feel so alone."

"That's why I want people to be more careful with what information they take as fact. It's so important, because stuff like that can lead people to a desperate place. They feel alone, like the entire world is against them. I wouldn't have let the principal and the teacher get away with that gross negligence in their jobs." Ladybug leveled her gaze directly to the camera. "People of Paris, please listen to what I am saying. I am here to be a hero, to protect you from the terror of Hawkmoth and to defeat him. But please, do not be like Principal Damocles, do not be like that teacher and her class at DuPont. Do your research, look up your facts. Do not let a liar lead you to do something dangerous and hurt yourself as well as others. Respect each other, talk and be honest. I swear on my life that I shall do the same. You are the people I swore to protect and I love. I am saying this all to protect you. And I'll hope you'll all forgive me for not protecting you sooner."

...

The interview rocked Paris. Ladybug speaking so openly about her frustrations, about the discrepancies in the Ladyblog and Lila Rossi had many people double checking the sources of everything they learned from that blog.

Alya could barely show her face as she made her way though the school hallways. Her reputation as a journalist had gone down the drain. People had basically started boycotting her blog, harrassing her, or trash talking her on other forums and sites. Even a lot of news outlets picked this up.

What hurt the most from that interview last night was Ladybug's words towards her, both as Rena Rouge and as Alya. Surely the heroine had to be mistaken, she had never beytrayed Ladybug! And that Oblivio incident, it was just to show Chat Noir and Ladybug that they were meant to be together!

Her family was upset with her. No, upset was too tame of a word. They were pissed.

"I can't believe she lied to us.."

"Well what do you expect from someone who keeps harrassing Ladybug?"

Alya flinched when she heard the whispers and rushed into Miss Buster's class. The entire class was there, all seated, all looking utterly miserable. Many of them looked as if they had been crying all night. A lot like she had.

"W-where's Miss Bustier?" Alya asked when she eyed the empty desk. Many of her classmates shot her glares, but didn't say anything about the interview last night. After all, they had no room to talk.

"She and Principal Damocles are with the school board now. We're getting a new teacher." Adrien was the one that spoke up. He looked utterly miserable. So unlike his usual self.

"Lila isn't coming back. She was pulled from school when her mother found out what happened." Alix muttered from her seat, arms crossed and shoulders hunched.

The class went quiet as they all internally contemplated how things had gotten like this. Their eyes focused on the door when it abruptly opened and Marinette came strolling in, carrying a box.

"Good morning everyone!" She said brightly, pretending not to notice the downcast expressions on their faces. She set the box on the teacher's desk before she turned towards them. "Oh? What's wrong everyone?"

".. Did you not watch the interview with Ladybug on 'Latest Buzz'?" Alya stared at Marinette, a bit dumbfounded by her friend's lack of awareness of the situation. She had been expecting Marinette to rush in with support and a fiery vengeance against those who had humiliated her best friend, maybe even a fresh pastry. But instead she was greeted with empty hands and a cheerful hello?

"Oh, well I haven't really had the time to watch much television. I mean, with my transfer papers, needing to plan out my new schedule with all of those new classes. Busy as a bee, that's me!" Marinette just beamed, giving Adrien a playful wink that had his stomach churning.

"Wait, transfering?" It was Rose that spoke up, her large eyes seeming impossibly large now. "Transfer what?"

"To my new school, of course." Marinette giggled and clasped her hands together. "I start on Monday."

"New school?!" Alya was on her feet and rushing towards Marinette. The others quickly followed, crowding around her. "What do you mean new school?! When did you ever say you were going to a new school?"

Marinette blinked, as if stunned, then tilted her head ever so slightly.

"I told you all last week, don't you remember?" Marinette tapped her lower lip, seeming to be wracking her brain before she abruptly snapped her fingers. "Oh! I forgot, you all were deep in conversation with Lila about her upcoming event with Jagged Stone and Clara Nightengale. You know, the one she said she'd be attending with Ladybug, since they're such good friends. Did she ever say how it went?"

All of the students shifted uneasily, suddenly seeming to refuse to meet her face.

Alix murmured something so barely audible, Marinette held a hand to her ear and leaned closer.

"I'm sorry, what was that?"

"Lila was lying to us!" Alix snapped as her cheeks went a flaming red.

"About everything! She never knew Jagged Stone!" Juleka spat out in fury.

"Or Prince Ali!" Rose sniffled.

"And she wasn't friends with Ladybug? They were barely acquaintances!" Alya wailed out as tears welled up in her eyes.

But Marinette hardly reacted the way they were expecting. She just gave them a small smile and nodded.

"Oh, yeah. I know."

Alya sucked in a breath sharply.

"You knew..? But why did you never..?"

"Oh Alya, you silly forgetful thing. I told you the day she returned from her long 'trip', remember? I told you she was lying." Marinette gave Alya a smile that said 'oh you silly thing'. "But you told me that I should really check my sources. And I got tired of trying to bring up any lies, since that was always your response. So I decided to just stop. I mean, since you're such an inspiring, honest journalist you must double and triple check every source you come across and found every story to be true!"

Alya flinched and looked away, feeling the churning feeling in her gut again. No, the Ladyblog had been the only source for the stories. The. Only. One.

"And I'm sure all of you knew what you were doing! I mean, it makes sense; trusting the words of a complete stranger over someone you've known for a while now. Some of you since we were in diapers!" She focused her gaze on Nino and Kim, who had the grace to at least look ashamed.

"Marinette, you really should-" Adrien began, reaching out for the girl, but was cut off by her clapping her hands together.

"But it's alright! I decided that fighting with you all wasn't worth it, so I took Adrien's advice and took the high road! Don't bother exposing Lila, she isn't hurting anyone!" Marinette announced brightly, giving her hands a little wave.

The temperature in the classroom dropped by several degrees.

".. Adrien, she's kidding, right?" Nino glanced over at his friend, his eyes pleading for him to deny it all. But the sight of the blood draining from the model's face and the sweat starting to bead at his forehead told him everything he needed to know. "Dude.."

"How could you?! You knew this entire time and didn't even try to tell me?!" Alya rounded on Adrien, fury in her eyes.

"Now, now, don't get mad at Adrien. I'm sure he knew you all were going to do you research. Besides, it's not like this did anything bad for anyone." Marinette pressed a hand to her cheek, still grinning. "I mean, it's not like you all took her advice without doing any research. You didn't try the things she suggested without actually checking them out to be true, right? No one lost any scholarships or job opportunities. No one's relationships were ruined. No one was hurt."

The nauseous feeling spread to all of the class as the reality of everything caught up with them.

"I'm sure everything will go back to normal, right? I mean, I'm sure that that woman from the education bureau isn't here to fire Damocles and Bustier for their severe neglect in their duties. Expelling me with the most mediocre and shaky proof. Surely that's a school I should feel safe in! That I should be proud to be a part of. But alas, my preparations for my new school are already done, so oh well."

Marinette shrugged and adjusted her purse strap.

"Anyhow, I wish you all luck with the amazing things Lila has helped you to do! I know it must have been worth ignoring me and convincing me I was crazy. With all of the free time I've had, with you guys practically replacing me with Lila in the group, I've had tons of time to spend with my boyfriend."

"Boyfriend?!" Alya's eyes went owlishly wide as she gaped at Marinette. "But what about Adrien?!"

"Oh Alya, I fell out of love with Adrien forever ago." Marinette shook her head in an almost patronizing way that had Alya's cheeks burning with embarrassment. They didn't even pay attention to Adrien's noises of surprise. "I mean, you claimed I was jealous of Lila getting close to Adrien, that I should let the jealousy go. And you know what? You were right! So I decided Adrien wasn't worth the stress, the embarrassment.. I mean, I couldn't even talk to him straight. I thought he was the most perfect guy in the world! Goodness, did I learn my lesson!"

She giggled as if she found the entire thing amusing. She then beamed at the class.

"Well, ta-ta! I need to get back home and make sure everything is ready to go. I wish you all the best, I really do!"

They all watched, shellshocked as Marinette breezed out of the classroom like it was nothing. Like she wasn't leaving her friends, her school, her life behind. And they all would wonder exactly how badly they screwed up, if she could walk away do easily, without a care.

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[endlessbittersweetdreams]

"Broken & Beautiful" Chapter 6

     It’s been nearly a week since my heart was broken in the basement of 22W. Broken? No. More like shattered and run through a figurative blender set on puree. I don’t know how long I spent crying on that floor, but I finally managed to pull myself up and make my way home. There was a part of me, as hurt as I was, that kept listening for the sound of Jake’s footsteps behind me. Walking home with him has become such a regular thing that I miss it, even though I know it was all part of a scheme to get me into bed.

     I wonder how long he was planning it. Did it all begin the night he showed up at my apartment with my medication? Or maybe it started before then, and my vulnerability had been the open door he needed to weasel his way into my life and break down my defenses. Whatever the case, he’s made a fool out of me. I thank my lucky stars that I didn’t give in. As hurt as I am now, I know that I would be leveled if I had spent the night with him and found out that I meant nothing to him.

     As you can imagine, this week has been especially hard for me. I called in sick the day after, feigning food poisoning. I spent most of the day in bed, wrapped up in a blanket and listening to music. Every now and then I’d scroll through my text messages. There were a few from my friends. Even Tess reached out to me, wondering how I was feeling and if she could bring me something. But I didn’t receive a single text or phone message from the one person I wished would reach out to me. The wounds that Jake has inflicted are still open and painful, but even now I still hope that he’ll give me any indication that he regrets what happened; that he didn’t mean any of it. I long for an apology that I know will never come.

     On day two, I grew tired of wallowing in sorrow and I decided to be angry instead. With the exception of anything work-related, I’ve done my best to shut Jake out. Not that he tries to make conversation with me. Either he simply isn’t interested in doing so, or he’s realized that I am going to shut him down completely. I avoid going to Home Bar with the group if he’s included because it’s hard enough working with him. I’ve even contemplated asking for a transfer to the barbecue place. But I’ve decided not to, because I love this job too much and I won’t give him the satisfaction of pushing me out of this place. And besides, I’m resilient. I’ve been through far worse and I can still hold my head up high.

     It’s late Friday morning, and I’m sitting on a bench in Central Park. The sun is shining and people are milling about as I sip my vanilla caramel blended coffee. I’m reading The Lord of the Rings this time, having decided that the love story in Pride & Predjudice isn’t suitable for my mood right now. I’m in the middle of reading the Hobbits’ journey through the Shire when a familiar voice captures my attention.

     “Well, hello there.”

     I look up from my book and find Simone smiling down at me, looking as poised and elegant as ever. I’m a bit startled, to be honest. Simone and I have worked together for two years, and she barely even acknowledges me. There have been times when I wonder if she even knows that I exist. I give her a small smile in return. “Hi.”

     She gestures to the cup I’m holding in my hand. “I see you have a weakness for blended coffees, too.”

     Wait. Is she actually trying to make conversation with me?

     “Yeah. My coffee maker broke down, and I felt like treating myself.” I take a sip, trying to hide my nervousness. This woman intimidates me, and I’m pretty sure she knows it.

     “Do you mind if I sit down?”

     I stop sipping on my coffee and then bookmark the page that I’m on. “Please do.”

     She takes the seat next to me and then leans her head back, closes her eyes and breathes deeply. “Doesn’t that sun feel wonderful?”

     “It does.” Another sip of coffee. Another glance at anything and anyone other than Simone. What does she want?

     “I’m glad I ran into you. I’ve been meaning to ask: how are you feeling?”

     “I’m fine. The food poisoning didn’t last that long. And if you’re talking about my little incident, I’m better.”

     “I’m happy to hear that.” A brief pause, and then: “But that’s not what I’m talking about.”

     I know what she’s alluding to, and I fight the urge to squirm in my seat or run away. “I don’t know what you mean.” Please go away! Please go away!

     Her voice is gentle, and I pick up no hint of patronization. “I’m talking about you and Jake.”

     “What about us?”

     She pauses, as though she’s choosing her words carefully. And then she says, quietly “I know about the other night.”

     Gulp. “What other night?”

     “I know he hurt you.”

     Now I’m feeling defensive. “What? Were you there? Were you listening in?”

     “No.”

     I blink a few times when I realize what she’s getting at. “He told you?”

     “Yes. He didn’t give me the details, but ...”

     I know Jake and Simone are close, but I never even considered the possibility that he’d talk to her about this. Why would he? It’s not something that he’d brag about. And why on Earth would Simone tell me this? I seriously doubt that she’d betray his trust like this.

     “Why are you telling me this?”

     “Because he regrets it. I can tell. I’ve known him for so long, I can read him like an open book.”

     My heart softens a little. But I’m not ready to let it go just yet. He hurt me. Badly. I’m about ready to tell her that Jake can take a flying leap, but her words stop me in my tracks.

     “I also want to ... explain something to you.”

     “Go on.” Why am I still sitting here, listening to all of this? Am I a glutton for punishment?

     And then, she drops a bomb on me.

     “There is something you need to know about Jake. He can be extremely guarded, as you well know.” I nod in agreement. “But what you don’t know is ... he is also ... damaged. There are things that you don’t know. Things only he can tell you. But he’s so badly damaged, and he’s so guarded, that he tends to ... push people away.” She gives me a sympathetic look. “People he cares about. People who get too close.”

     “Why would he do that, though?” None of this makes sense.

     “Because he doesn’t want to hurt them. He doesn’t want to hurt you.”

     I scoff and shake my head. And now, I‘m pissed. “So what you’re telling me is: Jake actually cares for me and he doesn’t want me to get hurt later on. And so, he might as well hurt me now. Is that what you’re telling me? That he’s ... what? Trying to protect me?” She remains surprisingly calm as I suddenly stand up and look down at her. “I don’t know why you told me all of this, or why you even came here. But tell Jake that I don’t need him to protect me. And if he regrets what he said, then he can man up and tell me himself.”

     I don’t give her a chance to respond before I walk away from her. There are too many thoughts and too many emotions brewing inside of me, and I need to find a quiet place to think.

     I’m in the middle of cutting up lemons when I think about my conversation with Simone. Again. No matter how hard I fight it, my mind keeps going back to what she said and the questions the conversation has brought. Does Jake actually care about me? Is he really just trying to protect me? Am I misjudging him, or have I been right this entire time? I wish Simone had never dropped this bombshell on me, because now I’m confused.

     I take another lemon out of the bowl and cut into it when I see Jake in my peripheral. He sets a cutting board down on the bar and begins to cut up some limes, and I can feel the tension rise up in me again. He’s the last person I want to be near. Yet here he is, standing next to me. The audacity! I think about merely gathering everything up and moving away from him, but decide against it and try to pretend that he simply isn’t there. Just as long as he stays outside of my personal bubble, I should be fine.

     I’m about to cut into my sixth lemon when he speaks to me. It’s just one word, but it’s enough to increase the level of my annoyance.

     “Hey.”

     I don’t respond, jaw clenching as I slice up the yellow fruit. Does he honestly think we can go back to business as usual, after the way he spoke to me? Who does he think he is? I’m not in the mood to talk to him, and I make my point by increasing the amount of space between us. There’s a brief moment when I think he’s got the message. But then he’s near me again, and his voice has an almost soothing quality to it when he speaks again.

     “I’m sorry.”

     I don’t even pause long enough to look at him. “I’m sorry.” Is that all he has to offer? Some lame, generic, two-worded phrase that he thinks he can pass off as an apology? A simple “I’m sorry,” isn’t going to cut it. Not when he made me feel cheap and worthless. He hasn’t even acknowledged how deeply he’s wounded me.

     There’s another moment of silence, and now I can tell that he’s bent down a bit so he can look me in the eyes if I give him the chance. “What I said was stupid and cruel, and I didn’t mean any of it. Forgive me?”

     I remain quiet. Though I won’t deny that these are the words that bring my boiling blood down to a simmer. I’ve spent nearly a week hoping that he’d say these things to me. As moved as I am by the apology, I still want to know why. If he didn’t mean what he said, why did he say it? Is Simone right? Was he just trying to protect me in his own very damaged way? Or is this part of a game, too? I don’t know what to believe anymore and --

     “Shit!”

     I allowed myself to become distracted for the briefest of moments, and now I’m paying for it with a cut on my index finger. I don’t think it’s deep, but it hurts. I drop the knife onto the bartop and immediately apply pressure to the wound with a clean bar mop, and Jake is at my side in an instant. Neither of us knows how badly I’m injured, and so he instructs me to keep pressure on the wound and elevate my hand. I do as I’m told and allow Jake to pull me by the hem of my apron as he barks at Will to clean up the area and finish the lemon cutting.

     Jake leads me to a room near the kitchen that has a small sink, two chairs and a First Aid kit. Once I’m seated, Jake grabs the First Aid kit and wets down a cloth with water and a little soap. He sits across from me on the other chair, pulls on a pair of gloves from the kit, and says “Give me your hand.” I obey without hesitation and watch as he very gently cleans the area and then inspects the wound. “Doesn’t look like it’s deep enough for stitches.” He carefully applies a bit of antibiotic ointment and then covers the wound with a bandage.

     Even though Jake’s task is done, he is still holding my hand in both of his. The rational part of my mind is telling me to pull my hand away. But the irrational part - the one that wants him, even now - enjoys the feeling. He looks at me with those piercing blue eyes of his, and I melt.

     “I meant what I said, Lilah,” he says. “I’m sorry.”

     I stare at him, studying his face. I can’t find a trace of insincerity. Only the pleading look of a man who knows he’s hurt me. “I know,” I answer, and then I choose my words carefully. “But it’s not enough, Jake. I want an explanation.”

     “Lilah, I --”

     “Is everything okay in here?”

     Jake and I turn to look at Will, who’s standing in the doorway. His eyes fall to our hands, and we immediately pull away like we’re two naughty children who’ve just been caught. While Jake tosses the gloves into the garbage and puts the antibiotic back in the First Aid kit, I tell Will that “Everything’s fine,” and then brush past him.

     Will lingers in the doorway for a few seconds, watching Jake suspiciously, and then follows me back to the bar area. I step behind the bar and go back to work, not the least bit surprised when he asks me “Is there something between you and Jake?”

     I look over at him, seeing the concern in his eyes. Like everyone else in this restaurant, Will is perfectly aware of the reputation Jake has. I know he’s just looking out for me. But to be honest, I’m not ready to answer his question. I just give him a look - one that tells him I don’t want to talk about it - and he leaves without another word.

@anastacia-lynn

@mypsychoticlove

[acourtofsnakes]

Let Me Show You - Bucky Barnes x F! Reader (smut)

Gif by @buckysbarnes

Summary: You and Bucky have been dating for a few months now, and the man has given you everything - literally. One night, Bucky encourages you to let go of your anxiety and let him show you just how sinful that mouth of his can truly be.

Warnings: 18+!!! Brief mention of drinking, Swearing, smut!!: Oral - f receiving, fingering, praise kink, arm kink, (Bucky kink?), unprotected PinV sex, fluff, encouragement

Word Count: 4k+ - I got carried away. 

A/N: Aaahhhh, my first ever request from @kaylee-krystal  I hope I did your idea justice and this is what you were hoping for. I added my own ideas for backstory and such, so I hope it’s okay 🙊thank you again, so, so much for requesting!!! I have reread this a couple times, but I’ve no doubt missed something somewhere, so apologies in advance. 

Masterlist

Permanent Taglist: @greeneyedblondie44 @mamacitapascal @mypedrom @undiscovered-misunderstood

James Buchanan Barnes. 

Now there was a topic you could talk about day and night. 

And probably even in your sleep. 

You’d been dating for a few months now, and everyday was better than the last, even it did sound cliché. 

You’d met in a local Brooklyn bar, having frequented it now and then with your friends for relaxed nights out or after work drinks. 

The first time you’d seen the soldier, he’d been sitting at the bar alone, brooding over a beer. 

It had taken you a few moments, but you’d suddenly realised who it was. 

Bucky Barnes, ex-Winter Soldier, Avenger and now often seen with Sam Wilson. 

THE Bucky Barnes was sitting in your local. 

And instantly he had taken your breath away. 

A set of cheekbones that could cut glass with a jawline to match. Plush lips that looked irresistibly soft - and sinful. 

A tangle of dark hair that was begging to have a pair of hands run through to mess it up. 

You could see the broad line of his shoulders from where you were situated in the booth, and you went home that night imagining everything else about him. 

The next time you saw him, it was about a week later. You were waiting for your friend to arrive and had gone up the bar to get drinks ordered. 

And there he was, just like the last time. 

Only now, you saw that he had a pair of gorgeous eyes, a blue like the Arctic Ocean and just as deep. 

And they were settled on your face with a cheeky little smile, which only grew when you looked at him. 

Moments later, you were seated next to him, lost in conversation about whether the Hobbit was better than Lord of the Rings. 

After laughing at one of his jokes, he’d asked you out on a date, instantly enamoured with the way your eyes lit up like the Brooklyn Bridge and you radiated goodness. 

And the rest was history. 

One date fell into two, and then three, and then just like that... you were dating. 

Boyfriend and girlfriend. 

Picnics in Prospect Park and afternoons at the Smithsonian. 

Nights watching all the movies and tv shows he still needed to catch up on and mornings where you joined him on a run. 

It was beautiful. Sure, you had a few tense moments where you might disagree, or he might have a bad day where memories crept up and he lashed out, but you never backed down. Never ran from him or looked the other way. And he did the same for you. Holding you when you needed him to but firmly expressing himself if you ever went too far. 

It was healthy, enriching and you had both grown so much in just a few months. 

Especially in the intimacy department. 

You weren’t lacking knowledge or experience, not by any means but it was just... some things you were a little uncomfortable with. 

It wasn’t that you had bad memories of the past or had been hurt, it was more a personal thing. 

And you had explained some of these hang-ups to Bucky, who’d taken them all in his stride and been amazing about it. 

When you were in these moments, he would ask if you wanted to try something and if you said no, he respected it and moved on. And if you said yes... well. Then you got a lesson in just how good he could make you feel. 

Bucky had learnt your body in no time at all and... He was mindblowingly good. He knew exactly how to make you cry out his name like a plea, a prayer and a sin all in one. 

It had gotten to the point where you’d drift off in the day, your mind taking you back to the way his lips mouthed over your skin, the way his fingers arched and curled inside your walls just right to reach that spot that hard you arching from the bed all the whole those baby blues were locked onto yours, watching you fall apart with an adoring fire blazing in the blue depths. 

The man only had to give you that killer smile and you’d be instantly soaked. 

He was going to be the death of you one day. 

~~

“Bucky!”

The sound of his name bounced around the walls of your bedroom, high and keening as the fingers of his vibranium hand stroked your inner walls with a relentless rhythm and pleasure. 

“C’mon baby, that’s it..” he mumbled the sweet nothings against your chest, his mouth pressing kisses across your hot skin, over your collarbones and breasts. 

His hair tickled your neck as your tipped your head back, eyes squeezed shut and mouth  parted in pleasure. 

He was working you to your second orgasm of the night already. 

The man had practically pounced on you when you walked through the door of your shared apartment and you were only too willing to drop everything - underwear included - and lose a few hours. 

Your hips jerked against his hand, bucking in time with his fingers. The heel of his hand was pressed to your clit, applying delicious pressure with each pass of your hips as you chased down your release, feeling it coil tighter and tighter in the base of your spine. 

You slid a hand up into his hair, knotting your fingers in the silky chocolate locks “Fuck-“ 

God, you were so close, so, so close-

Bucky already knew, and he scissored his fingers inside you, sucking at your nipple and triggering your orgasm, gently pushing you over that edge. 

Pleasure tore through your body, making your blood sing and his name bounce through the room again. Every single orgasm he gave you made your body catch fire, and you felt it from the crown of your head to the tips of your toes. Through the haze, you heard his lust roughened voice, cooing those praises that only succeeded in making you come harder, “Good girl. Look at you... you look like a goddess. A fucking goddess that deserves to be worshiped every single day.” His hot breath fanned over your skin, “Make me want to do this all the time, give you everything, baby.” 

He kept moving his fingers inside you, the noise filthy and almost forbidden as your slick coated his vibranium fingers. He moved and moved until you pushed lightly at his hand, the sensation almost too much. 

Bucky met your eyes when they opened, and he brought his fingers to his mouth, sucking at them and he moaned low at your taste, a wicked grin spreading around them when you groaned. “I’ll never get tired of this.” 

Of your taste. 

You let out a soft huff of a laugh, feeling your body hum still as you beheld the sight of your boyfriend sucking your juices off his fingers, all dark eyes and ruffled hair. “You will be the death of me one day, you know that right?” 

His chuckle was husky and he kissed your neck gently, “Oh, I know. But you will too, so the feeling is definitely mutual, doll.” 

His lips brushed over your belly button and a ripple of apprehension tickled down your spine and you struggled a little to focus on his words. “Every day since, you just blow me away. Everything you do. The way you’re so determined, the drive you have.” His kissed above your hip bone, tracing his tongue over the skin and he drew a little heart with his saliva, “You make me want to be a better person. You make me feel brave enough to make amends, to let go of my past and accept it.” His words were so heartfelt, so meaningful that they threatened to bring tears to your eyes. 

But then his lips brushed lower, and you knew where this was going. 

He had tried before, a couple of times now in the last few months and each time you’d stopped him. 

And each time, he did so without hesitation and just moved on. 

Your eyes snapped open, spine locking up, “Bucky.” 

Instantly, he stopped. His head lifted as he heard the hesitancy in your voice, the apprehension, “What is it, baby? Are you okay?” His lust-blown eyes were wide, a frown between them as he looked over your face for the cause of you stopping him. He realised what he did and his face softened, “Shit, baby... I’m so sorry.” He pressed a soft kiss to the inside of your thigh. 

Your heart was pounding through your chest and you were convinced he could hear it. “No, I’m sorry. It’s not you... I just... um..” 

Oh, you wished the ground would swallow you up. 

Bucky’s warm, broad hand rubbed soothingly over your thigh and he felt the tremble in your body, “Hey... relax. It’s okay, you don’t need to tell me... .”  

You swallowed, shame tinting your cheeks and you stared at the ceiling light, too afraid to look at him. But he had shared so much with you... and you wanted to share this with him, “No one... no one has ever...” a cringe took over your features, “Gone down on me before.” 

Silence. 

Oh, god. 

Your voice came out quiet, hesitant, “Bucky...?” Gathering your courage, you peered down at him. 

He was staring at you, that frown still between his eyes as he looked over your face. He had his suspicions as to why you didn’t like it, but he was never sure. “Is it because... Have people refused to? Because if they have, they were not worth your time. You are beautiful, completely and utterly beautiful and deserve to have someone worship you like that.” there was a tone to his voice, like he would go and tear into anyone who refused to give you such pleasure. 

Oh. 

Shaking your head quickly, you sat up on your elbows, “No! No, it’s not that. They’ve asked to it’s just... me.” 

It was true. 

You had partners who asked to go down on you all the time but... something in you just couldn’t. You weren’t sure entirely why. 

Whether it was the idea that someone would be so close... there. 

What if you weren’t... pretty enough?

What if you didn’t taste good?

What if.... you did something wrong?

It had always been a bit of a hang-up, and even when your friends described how unbelievable good it felt... you just couldn’t do it. 

Bucky’s eyes danced between your own, as if he could read all of this in your expression. He let go of your thigh, crawling up your body and he slide a hand around your jaw, his fingers resting behind your ear, “Baby... you have nothing to worry about. You are absolutely gorgeous, so, so beautiful. Every single thing you do, it blows my mind.” He stroke his thumb over your cheek, “You can walk to me in sweatpants and my hoodie and I’m struck dumb.” 

You laughed a little despite yourself and he copied you, eyes lighting up when you did, “Having someone go down on you... it’s like the ultimate act of worshiping. You are in control. You tell me when to stop, pull me closer or push me away... On my knees for you, tasting you and taking you to that edge.” He cocked his head, “It’ll feel a little odd at first but when you’re used to it... Oh, doll, it’ll feel so good.” 

His words filtered around you, moving through you. 

You knew he was good at his craft, at reading your body. And you also knew he would never make you feel uncomfortable and he would always stop if you asked him to. 

And god, there was a part of you that so desperately wanted to feel it, to feel someone’s tongue between your folds, moving inside you, between your thighs...

An image came to you, his dark locks nestled between your thighs, rumbling moans vibrating against you as you arched above him...

“Okay.”

He blinked, perhaps not having expected you to accept so quickly., “Are you sure? If you’re not-“

You swallows, lifting your hand to his on your cheek, “I... I want to. Show me. Show me how good it feels.” 

Bucky looked deep into your eyes, checking for himself and when he seemed satisfied, he nodded gently. “Okay... Okay. If you feel uncomfortable, if it hurts or it’s too much, please tell me to stop. Use the safeword, hit the top of my head, kick me, anything. Okay?” 

God, he just cared so much didn’t he. 

Heart melting, you nodded again, a smile mixed of anticipation and a little bit of nervousness on your lips, “Okay. I promise.” 

Sndjcidks djcocks djckc

The approach of your impending third orgasm was almost painful, the heat in your belly tightening impossibly, every single muscle in your body locking up and screaming for release. 

Bucky was there, already reading it in your body and his free arm lifted from across your waist, reaching up and sliding through yours. 

You tightened your fingers around his cool metal ones, your hips now free. 

An instinct came over you, and you began to rock your hips against his face- 

Heat and shame flushed your cheeks and you opened your mouth to apologise, to try and stop your hips from moving - 

But then Bucky let out a rough moan that reverberated through your walls, through your clit and you realised - he liked it. He liked you fucking yourself on his tongue, smearing your slick over his chin and lips. 

Holy fucking god. 

You wanted this, you wanted this all the time, him all other time. 

Bucky rubbed harder at your clit, running tight circles and his tongued slide over your folds and then speared inside you, like white hot fire. The tip of his tongue stroked that spot, that spot that he seemed to have a direct route to and then - you were falling apart. 

Your orgasm barrelled down into you relentlessly, searing through your body and turning you to light and stars and something entirely ethereal. 

It felt like every cell in your body exploded, sending shockwaves of pleasure through you that just didn’t end. 

Bucky took it all, took every ride of your hips, every clench of your thighs around his head and he worked you through it, tongue lapping up your juices like a man starved as you came apart above him. 

He didn’t let you go, holding you steady in the whirlpool of pure sensation as you ever so slowly came down back to Earth. 

You panted softly, your eyes slowly opening to the familiar ceiling of your bedroom. 

Fucking hell. 

Fucking. Hell. 

A stunned laugh escaped your lips and you unclenched your fingers from Bucky’s hair, rubbing over your face. 

He pressed soft kisses to your thighs, trailing up your body and then lightly pressing his lips to yours. 

You could taste yourself on him, and it was intimate and a little filthy and god - you loved it. You loved him. 

Kissing him back with equal fervour, you couldn’t stop grinning. 

Bucky matched your wide smile, his body held up over yours and he brushed back your damp hair, “How do you feel?” Always looking out for you. He pulled away gently from your lips, trailing his mouth over your jaw. 

You chuckled again, breathlessly, “I feel... amazing. Like my body is singing.” You shook your head just slightly in awe, “I don’t know how I’ve gone so long without that. You’re fucking good...” 

You felt his shit-eating grin against your jaw, his teeth lightly nip your skin, “See... I told you. You deserve to be worshipped, baby. And I plan on doing it again and again, on my knees, under you, over you... like the goddess you are.” He brushed his lips over the shell of your ear, his voice a rough, husky whisper, “And I plan to carry on right now.”

The rest of the night fell away as he slipped back inside you effortlessly, and you climbed to the sky together again and again, and all you could think was... This was it. 

You’d only been with him for a few months but in that time he had shown you more than anyone ever had. He had lovingly and carefully peeled back your layers and revealed such a shining light beneath, the light that had always been there and he had seen since that first meeting. 

You wanted this forever, all the time. His love, his trust...

And his lips and tongue.