#i will never shut up about being a disabled artist

[iindigoeyed]

it's so unfair that i want to do nothing but make art right now and here i am dealing with my disability / illness at the absolute worst it's ever been. like i want to create. i really do. i have so many ideas and so many wips. but my hands are weak, i can't breathe properly, i have 24/7 migraines and i'm too scared of whatever is wrong with me that i can't focus on my art. and it sucks. this was my only outlet, i don't have anything else. I'm running out of ways to cope.

[purpleyoonn]

The Line Between Love and War 12

C H A P T E R 1 2: PTD D1 AND OVERSTIMULATION

“It is said that the night sky is made up of tiny wishes that humans were never able to fulfill. That the stars only became bright by the fulfillment of those wishes. In your eyes, the stars that shine never seemed real, your childhood wishes dark and dim as you grow. But now, now you understand the twinkle in their eyes as they look down at you.”

Summary: Your experiences told you that soulmates were something you would never have the pleasure of having; something not given to you because of who you are, despite the soulmark that resides on your inner left wrist. During your solo trip to Los Angeles, you find out that you are more than capable, that your soulmates had been waiting for you for a long time, and would not be letting you go anytime soon.

Genre: soulmate au, bts au, idol bts, polyamory relationship, eventual smut

Paring: Idol!BTS x autistic!mc

Status: Ongoing (randomly updated)

Warnings: mental illness, talk of disability, lots of angst, miscommunication, feelings of depression, feelings of isolation, polyamory bts, stalking, dangerous behavior, eventual smut, 

Chapter Warnings: the concert, overstimulation, shut downs, not much, lots of feelings,

Taglist: @azazel-nyx​​​  @yuzon3​​​ @hannahdinse8​​​ @quirkybtsarmy​​​ @mageprincess7​​​  @fluffy-canada-pancakes​​​ @suckerforv​​​ @chaoticthingpizza​​​ @drissteele​​​ @carolinexkpop​​​ @avadakadabra93​​​ @lachimolala22019​​​  @justaweird0​​​ @singukieee​​​  @welcometomyworld13​​​ @toughbook​​​ @kimana122​​​ @kpopmultistantrashsstuff​​​ @0funsite0​​ @joyless-living​​ @sinceritythatcouldntbedelivered​ @elliott-calls​​ @psychosupernatural​​

Masterlist // Chapter 11 // Chapter 13

————————————————–

Previously on The Line Between Love and War:

“Alright then. We well let Sejin and Seungho know. For now, I would appreciate if I could have some pre-concert kisses from my littlest mate.” Namjoon reached his arms out, pouting his lip a little knowing it would cause you to laugh at him. 

You struggle to get yourself out of Hobi and Taehyung’s embrace, who noticeably tightened their grip once Namjoon opened his arms. 

“Heyyyy, not nice!” You whine, finally pulling yourself away and falling into Namjoon’s arms. 

“But we want pre-concert kisses too!” Taehyung whined back, making you laugh again, hiding your face in Namjoon’s neck.

You could already hear Army beginning to enter the arena, voices and screams echoing as the pre-concert videos started to play on the big screens. Taehyung was sitting with you, having finished getting ready first. He was in the middle of making sure you were okay being in the security gates in front of everyone else. He knew how loud noises made you feel. 

“Don’t worry Tae! I’ve got the headphones that Yoongi gave me.” You smiled wide at him, hoping that would reassure your stressed-looking mate. It didn’t reassure him at all though. He opened his mouth to say something else but was cut off by Seungho.

“Come on, Y/n. We need to get you to your seat before the boys start.” Seungho gives Taehyung an apologetic glance and nod before he starts to lead you out of the room. But before you can leave, you turn around and quickly give each of the boys a hug, not wanting to kiss them in case it ruins the make up the make-up artists spent so long on. 

“Good luck! I’m so excited!” You tell the last part to Seungho as you hold your hands up to your chest, your fists shaking in excitement. 

You went from traveling about a week early to experience Los Angeles by yourself because you couldn’t get any tickets to now having seven soulmates and being able to attend not just one, but all four of the PTD La concerts. Your entire life literally changed at the blink of any eye, or well, more like running into a wall. 

“This is your first concert, correct?” Seungho asked you, not remembering if you’ve attended anything before. 

“Yes!” You exclaimed back, your fists still shaking as you make it to the stairs that will get you to the ground floor and into the security gates in front of the stage. There was a good maybe ten feet between the security gates for the floor seats and the stage where the boys would be performing.

Hobi explained it to you that you would have a seat in the section right in front of the edge of the stage, and that it wouldn’t be close to the floor seats where Army is seated. 

They were worried to say the least. While they loved Army, and trusted them with you, they also knew there were some “fans” who were not happy that they found their last soulmate, and that it wasn’t any of them. They wanted you to be safe, which was why they wanted you up with their family in the box. Obviously, due to your fear of heights, they had to figure something else out, wanting you to experience their concert like an Army. 

Seungho escorts you to the seat set aside but you don’t sit down, to excited and pumped up. You stood watching the stage, taking everything in. It seemed way different than it did earlier before sound check. The entire atmosphere was different. You could feel the energy and excitement of every single Army coming in and finding their seats. Some even running down to the 100’s section. 

What caught your eye though was the people who had soundcheck coming back down to the floor section, all running towards you. You startled, Seungho moving directly in front of you once he caught the movement of the crowd. You held onto his arm before letting go just as quickly, not knowing if he was comfortable with your touch. 

Despite your aversion to touch, you felt safe with him; you just didn’t know if he also had an aversion to touch and you didn’t want to make him uncomfortable. 

However, a single, subtle nod from him let you know your actions were okay, holding onto his arm again as you try to peak over or around his broad shoulders to see the group of Armies still running your way. You didn’t know if it was because you were directly in front of the stage or what, but seeing a group of men and women running towards you scared the crap out of you.

Now you understand how celebrities feel when fans spot them out and about, without security with them. 

“Stay behind me please, Y/n.” Seungho told you, feeling you trying to peek around him. He had a feeling they were rushing for you, trying to get close to the barrier in front of you. He had been watching your social media, following the discussions and posts about you. You were well liked by a lot of people, and also not so liked by some. He didn’t know which it was coming for you tonight, and he didn’t like it. 

You could hear your name being called; pictures being taken of you. It was weird and seemed a bit unreal, just like earlier when you did the Instagram live. You could feel some other members of the boys’ security team moving to help Seungho.

“Seungho, I think they are just excited. I don’t think they’ll hurt me. I have you to help protect me. Plus, there is about five feet between my seat and the barrier.” You were not going to lie, you were freaking out. But you didn’t want Seungho or the boys to have to worry about you the entire time, and if Seungho continued to try and hide you from Army, you knew that would happen. 

He looked back at you, and seeing how serious you were, only moved a couple inches to the left, still in front of you but not necessarily hiding you. Taking a deep breath, and trying to hide your nervous stimming, you looked at Army. 

“Hi guys! Please enjoy the concert! The boys have worked super hard and are so excited to see you guys again.” You spoke loudly, not wanting to yell in Seungho’s ears as he still stood close. 

“Y/n! What song are you excited for?”

“Y/n! Have you completed the bond yet?”

“Who is your bias?”

You ignored the second question, and the others like it that were being yelled your way, instead, you tried to answer some of the questions, but didn’t want to make the night about yourself. This night was about the boys, not you. 

“Please guys, the concert is about to start!” You decided to move back to your seat and not stand in front of the barrier anymore. 

You were now actively stimming, your body trying to help you feel more comfortable with the attention and new experiences. Your fists were clenched in front of you, shaking fast back and forth. It was a stim you’ve been doing since you were a kid, something you did when you got really excited or happy. You tried not to, despite how much you needed to, because you always felt embarrassed when doing that particular stim. You had been made fun of before for doing it, so instead you rocked your body forwards and backwards slowly. 

It took a couple more minutes before you could hear the intro starting, music slowly becoming louder until the boys came on stage from below. It also took the same amount of time for you to become completely overwhelmed and overstimulated. Despite your headphones, the music was loud and seemed to be louder than the screams behind you. The lights were flashing and the movement of the boys on stage had you practically shutting down. The stares you could feel on your back didn’t help, either.

You tried hard not to though, even though you know you needed it. Your boys needed this more. This was the first concert for them since the pandemic started and the went into the army. You knew they were happy being back on stage after so long and didn’t want to ruin anything for them. You wanted them to see you happy and not having any issues. You didn’t want them to worry. 

You could feel the sting from your nails digging into your palm as you clenched your hands. Your voice gone as you tried to show some kind of emotion resembling happiness or awe on your face. You didn’t need Seungho trying to bring you back into the dressing room and alerting everyone that something was wrong. 

So, you spent the rest of the concert rocking back and forth and mouthing along to all the songs the boys sang. Your nails were practically stuck in your palm and you were stuck in your head. You could tell the cord connecting your mouth and brain wasn’t connected anymore and didn’t know when it would again.

You just wanted Jungkook to hold you and rub your back again but figured you probably wouldn’t get that tonight. They would probably be too pumped up with adrenal after the concert to do anything other than want to celebrate with army like normal. 

You could probably get away with cuddling up to Yoongi’s sweatshirt again as you laid in your shared bed. You didn’t want to bother them when they shared this excitement and happiness with army after so long. The last thing you wanted was to be a burden. 

-*-*-

Despite being completely overstimulated, you thought the concert was amazing. You don’t think you would go to one again, but you could see why so many people always praised your soulmates’ concerts and performance skills. 

You waited in the dressing room as the last notes of the last song play out throughout the stadium speakers. Seungho had thought it a safety issue to exit with the rest of army to try and make it backstage. So, he had taken you back during the second to last song. 

You still haven’t spoken a word, and Seungho could tell something was wrong. Your facial expression was vacant and it seemed as though your eyes were glazed over as you stared down at the small table in front of you. He was worried. 

You almost didn’t notice the arrival of your soulmates, mind gone to the stimulation you felt. 

“Hey baby! Did you have fun?” Jin came up and sat next to you on the loveseat, securing the spot next to you before anyone else. It was a couple of hours until his birthday and he was feeling the excitement of having his birthday with his finally complete soulbond group. 

But once he saw you, zoned out and not even registering their entrance, he had a feeling of what was going on. He was reminded of the closet incidence, your wide eyes glazed and unable to track what was going on. He moved in front of you, kneeling down so he could catch your eye. 

“Baby?” Jin tried, but you were gone. He now had the attention of the others, and Taehyung and Yoongi made it over first. 

“What should we do? Should we hold her like last time?” Taehyung asked, remembering how Jungkook held you in his arms and how the physical contact helped bring you back. 

“Here, let me try something.” Namjoon took control, switching places with Jin who now sat back next to you. Their movement didn’t phase you, your eyes still glazed over. 

Namjoon moved slowly, just in case you came back to, and moved so his palm was cupping your cheek. At his touch, your eyes became focused again and he could see how truly tired you were. 

“Hi baby girl. Are you okay?” He knew you weren’t but he still needed to know if something was physically wrong, and you seemed to know his intention as you shook your head no. At this response, they all knew you were nonverbal; Jimin, Jungkook and Taehyung all watching from the back as their hyungs take over the situation. 

“How about we go back to the hotel, and have a relaxing night, hmm?” Namjoon asks but stops as you shake your head, grabbing tightly to his forearm. His face scrunched up in concern, wondering what was going on through your head. 

You swallow your spit, trying your hardest to push words through your lips, only for them to keep getting caught in the back of your throat. Finally, you manage to push through one word, hoping they understand what you mean. 

“Celebrate.” You word is raspy, as if you had a bad cold recently. 

They had just gotten back from the military only months ago, managed to plan two weekends worth of content and concerts for Army, and as only a fan could know, they usually celebrated the concert afterwards with a live. You didn’t want that taken away from Army, and you didn’t want the boys to break a tradition just because you got overstimulated. It didn’t seem fair in any way. 

You would be fine; you always were before. Yeah, it might take time, but you would be fine. 

Army needed the boys more than you right now. 

“What do you mean baby?” Jimin asked from behind Hobi, eyes narrowed in confusion as he watches your expression. 

You knew you couldn’t push out another word, so you grabbed Namjoon’s palm from your cheek and held it flat in front of you, using your pointer finger you traced the word Army on his palm, hoping he would get it. You even trace it in Hangul when he didn’t get it in English. 

“You want us to celebrate with Army?” Namjoon finally realizes what you were trying to say, nodding his head as it clicks. 

You nod your head in response but stop once you see the look on your soulmates faces. You could tell they didn’t understand why you were asking them that. Why you wanted them to celebrate with army even when you weren’t doing good. 

So, you pull out the big guns, something Jimin taught you when Jin kept telling you no more ice cream. Jimin said it would bring out an immediate ‘yes’ from the hyungs every time, so you tried it.

You pulled out the puppy dog eyes and the lip pout. 

An immediate round of groans sounded throughout the room, every single one of your soulmates looked away from you, trying not to be drawn in by your expression. 

To seal the deal, you brought your hands together, folded in a way that everyone usually added with pleading words, but you couldn’t speak right now, so you held your clenched hands up close to your face. 

Eventually, Jin was the one who folded. 

“Alright baby! But we have some conditions.” He raised an eyebrow at you as you turned to face him. 

“We’ll do the live as long as you are there with us, so we can see you and make sure you’re okay. You’re going to drink some water, and let one of us hold you until the live, because that helped you a lot last time.” You knew they were talking about the last time you got too overstimulated, so you agreed. 

Maybe selfishly, though, you agreed to the terms. You kind of just wanted to be cocooned in like a little safety nest as you watched the boys do their live, maybe covered in one of their shirts or sweaters again. They always made you feel safe and comfortable and were slowly becoming a part of your collection of safe clothing. 

“Okay, boys, lets grab our things so we can get back to the hotel. Namjoon, why don’t you grab out little soulmate and go get into the car, we’ll grab your things.” Jin clapped his hands together after moving the night along, wanting to get back to the hotel. 

It didn’t take but a couple seconds for Namjoon to pick you up, his hands moving under your thighs and holding you to him so you were chest to chest. 

“Come here baby. Let’s go.” You looked around for your backpack, only to see Seungho handing it off to Jungkook who had deemed your backpack his responsibility. You can’t fight him for carrying you this time, exhaustion finally hitting you as you tuck your head into the curve of your soulmate’s neck. 

It was a good thing too, as you didn’t realize some fans had figured out where the boys’ vans were and had been waiting outside for you all to leave, phones at the ready to take pictures and videos. This also meant that it would take longer to get back to the hotel, as some fans loved trying to follow the boys to figure out where you all were staying. 

One of Namjoon’s hands moved from your holding your thigh to covering your face, protecting you in what he considers a vulnerable moment. He walked faster, Sejin moving with him so he could open the door for you both before having a word with one of the drivers. 

Even as you get into the car, and Namjoon’s sits down, he still holds you on his lap, crossing his arms behind your back so you were practically glued to his chest. He moved his left hand lower, almost touching your butt as he moves his hand under your shirt, making contact with your back and begins rubbing his hand up and down your back. He knew this helped you last time and it was one of the only things he had to go on right now as far as helping you out of your shut down. 

You both wait patiently for your other soulmates, time passing slowly as you turn your head and watch fans take pictures of the van. You knew they couldn’t get pictures of you through the tinted windows, but you still felt a little vulnerable. You were unable to protect yourself in anyway, nonverbal and in the middle of a shutdown, and it was a little daunting. 

You turned your head back into Namjoon’s neck, your head resting against his chest as you watch the boys all begin to make their way quickly to the vans. Jungkook, Hobi, and Yoongi made their way into your van, while the others went into the first one. 

“Okay, so Sejin is going to separate our vans, each going a separate way to make it back to the hotel so we aren’t followed. We also have three deco vans waiting to draw confusion.” Yoongi’s voice was raspy and slow from the concert and his own emotions. 

He, along with the others were feeling a lot of emotions from finally being able to perform at a concert for Army, but also watching you shut down from the very same concert. It was a lot. 

“How is she?” Jungkook asks quietly. 

Out of all your soulmates, Jungkook seems to have taken on most of the responsibility for your care and well-being on himself. He finally has a soulmate younger than him, that can rely on him and that he can provide for. So, for him, he has put the responsibility on his own shoulders, something his soulmates have already talked to him about. 

“I’m okay.” 

You were. You had just been relishing in Namjoon’s touch and had felt the connection build again between your brain and mouth. You still weren’t used to being taken care of, to mean something to other people, and you knew it would take a while but you loved the way they worried about you, the way they cared for you. 

It was the same way you cared for them. 

-*-*-

It had taken you over an hour to make it back to the hotel. There had been several vehicles trying to follow you, the final car getting lost at a traffic light about fifteen minutes ago. To be safe, the driver kept driving around. 

Your van had been the last to make it back to the hotel, and when you go to the room, a small bundle of blankets and pillows, along with some of the boys’ sweaters had been made into a little nest for you by the far wall close to the kitchen. You were in perfect view of the boys as the couches and chairs had been rearranged so they could all be in view of the camera. 

When Namjoon let you down, a bundle of clothes had been shoved into your hand as Jimin led you to your shared room with Yoongi and Jin to change. Jimin walked into the bathroom while you changed into a pair of your comfy leggings and one of Taehyung’s shirts. 

After doing your skincare for you, wanting you to feel nice and clean while you waited for them to be finished, Jimin helped you back into the living room and into your small nest, bundling Jin and Jungkook’s sweater around you while you watched the boys set up snacks and drinks on the coffee table. 

“Okay, now, don’t move.” Jimin pointed his finger at you, his face scrunching playfully as he tries to make you smile. And it works, a small giggle making its way out of your mouth catching the attention of your soulmates. 

“Here,” he pulls your phone out of his back pocket, pulling up the live on it before handing it to you. “Keep an eye out for questions you think we should answer, okay baby?” He asks you, wanting you to still be involved in their tradition with Army. While he would rather you be seated with them on the couch, he knows it’s not what you need right now. 

 “I will, Minnie.” You nod and smile tiredly at his request. He smiles back, kissing you softly before pulling back entirely, Jungkook taking his place with a bottle of water for you. He stays quiet, kissing your forehead before moving to sit with Hobi and Joon on the couch. 

You watch them as the live starts, hundreds of questions showing up on the screen as thousands of viewers turn into millions. At first a lot of the questions are about you, why Namjoon was seen carrying you out of the venue and some were even asking why you stayed seated the entire concert. 

The boys said a simple response to questions about you. They agreed that they wanted to stop the rumors of any health issues or problems while they could, especially after Namjoon was seen carrying you out. 

“Y/n is doing okay and is resting here with us after a long and overstimulating day. She had a lot of new experiences and is in the middle of processing them.” Namjoon spoke in his leader voice, glancing at you for a few seconds as he speaks. 

The questions and comments continue, but this time mainly about the boys and the concerts and their upcoming plans. You even commented a few things, trying to remember what it felt like to be Army, commenting “I love you” and hoping they would see it. 

You did that the entire time, finding cute little comments and even yelling out “Yoongi Marry Me” every time you saw it which did not amuse your cute soulmate who only looked your way while the others laughed every time. You also drank your entire bottled water, knowing that was one of the promises you made to Jin. 

And in the end, once the live was finished, he was the first to go to you, picking you up out of your little nest and into his arms. You were feeling a lot better, no longer overstimulated due to your soulmates care. 

“How are you feeling, baby?” You could hear the concern in his voice. 

“I’m doing a lot better! You all always seem to know what to do.” You hug him tightly, kissing his jaw in a show of thanks. 

“Well, I bought tickets for an amusement park for tonight for us. Do you think you might be up for it?” Jin couldn’t even finish his question before you were squealing in his ear, jumping from his hold and rushing to your shared room. 

“I guess that is a yes.” He told Yoongi and Taehyung who were staring at Jin, seeing the entire thing before walking off to the room. 

Jimin and Jungkook were already in the room, helping you pick out a matching outfit with Jin, who was going in a pair of his overalls and a white shirt. He wanted you all to match, but you and Jimin were the only ones who currently had a pair of overalls to wear. 

You were excited, jumping in your seat as you waited for everyone else to get ready to go. You loved the rides and playing the games but you think your favorite was the food. You never really went to the fair often, which was as close to an amusement park as you had gotten, your mother thinking going to a big field full of people of all walks of life below her standing. 

But you loved it and couldn’t wait to experience it with your soulmates. 

[gdbatbitch]

TL;DR Please, please. I’m at the absolute end of my rope and can use all the help I can get. Also, just putting out there for those that prefer alternates: my PayPal is dextra.hoffman@gmail.com, Venmo is @Dextra-Hoffman, and CashApp is $DextraDawn. Thanks y’all.

I wish I had the spoons to talk about how horrible I have been feeling the last few weeks in real time. Especially the last 3 weeks. You don’t realize how much one little gland will mess up your entire existence until it’s defective or gone. I’ve been without my thyroid for 10 months now. And I’m still suffering the repercussions of it. 

My biggest issue is my TSH levels. I’ve had to have dosage adjustments twice since January, and each time it results in weeks of adjustment time, and a good portion of that, I’ve been completely laid out because of being unable to function. The symptoms can vary, but generally involve massive fatigue, nausea, hot flashes and cold spells/sweats that I’m not able to control and barely able to combat, dehydration, weakness, and just having that feeling you get with a high fever and a flu where you feel half in and half out of reality and not sure if you’re actually alive or you’re a ghost. 

Also because these hormones think they’re that special, they also affect my mental health by spiking my adrenaline levels and triggering my anxiety. My anxiety alone can shut me down for days. It’s been well documented. So the physical symptoms would trigger my anxiety. I have a really high pain tolerance, but sickness not so much. And I have never felt sicker in my life than I have in the last month. So not only was I feeling like I was dying, I was terrified the entire time.

I’ve not gone into great detail about it openly because it was so scary, and I know when I’m in panic mode I can’t really trust my own mind to determine the seriousness of a situation. So I kept it quiet, at least quiet for me. 

Of course, all of this has completely destroyed my plans of getting back to work and out of this poverty rut I’ve been in for months. I had a job lined up, but the start date was right in the middle of my being incapacitated. I tried to work with the company to push back my start date, but that didn’t happen. I’m in the midst of interviewing for a job that would be absolutely perfect, but I’m still waiting for next steps on their part. Aside from those, as anyone currently seeking a job will tell you, it’s abysmal out there. I’ve applied for over a hundred jobs in the last 4 months and I’ve barely gotten any responses. 

I’ve been asked if I’m going to be doing art commissions, and if I were more capable, sure. I’d be silly not to try. But I’ve not been anything close to capable for weeks. I’ve only been back to 100% for a few days now, and even that has been sketchy. So I’m putting a pin in that for now, at least until I can knock out a sketch or two to knock the rust off. 

I was hoping to be done with fundraising, it’s so nerve-racking. But right now, my survival is in peril. I just submitted a request for what will be my last unemployment payout. It wasn’t much, but it was barely keeping me afloat. After that, I’m kinda screwed unless I can figure something out. 

I still haven’t made rent for August, my car payment is late, I’ve got bills up to my ears and I’m just worried that I’m not going to have those things very very soon if I can’t keep up. If I can at least hit the goal on the fundraiser, that can keep me going until I can get back to work (fingers crossed). 

I’ve been struggling with asking for help for a while now because I feel like I’ve been holding my hat out for far too long, but I don’t really have a choice anymore. I’ve also been struggling with a lot of internalized ableism as well because I know I’m disabled and shouldn’t push myself as hard as I do. But that’s a rant for another time.

Please, please. I’m at the absolute end of my rope and can use all the help I can get. Also, just putting out there for those that prefer alternates: my PayPal is dextra.hoffman@gmail.com, Venmo is @Dextra-Hoffman, and CashApp is $DextraDawn. Thanks y’all.

[palms-upturned]

“AI art is lazy, look at these disabled artists who learned how to paint holding a brush in their mouths because they had no hands! Frida Kahlo painted from her bed while in severe chronic pain! If they can do that you can pick up a pencil” Shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up

Stop fucking bringing up disabled people like a “gotcha” in these stupid fucking arguments. Stop with the inspiration porn shit. Whether or not we can accommodate our disabilities in a way that allows us to avoid having to give up our passions is not a matter of laziness vs willpower. I have never seen so much of this bullshit as I have since this AI art debate started. If your issue with image generation is labor exploitation/devaluation, fucking focus on that issue and stop with this straight up reactionary rhetoric about what “real” art is and how people should just stop being lazy and using technology as a “crutch.”

[blurglesmurfklaine]

hello nobody asked but here are more unsolicited Newsies Uno ReVerse thoughts that I can NOT get out of my head

Crutchie is Jack’s brother, but he never expects him to go out selling with his disability

When Les and Davey meet Crutchie for the first time, Les tells Jack something borderline offensive like “Why didn’t you tell me youse had a little brother with a bum leg? Between my face and his leg, we coulda been making MILLIONS this whole time!”

Davey is appropriately embarrassed and apologizes profusely on his brother’s behalf

Davey is obsessed with Portland, Oregon (it’s his Santa Fe) somewhere he can get away from the heated claustrophobia of the city, lock himself away in a cabin and finally put down on paper the little stories he tells himself to get through the day

Jack volunteers to go to Brooklyn with Davey

Les is the one hauled away to the refuge after Seize The Day

David and Katherine are the ones who hit it off, and Jack is The Pining One (TM)

Post-Rally, the Something To Believe In scene starts off with Kath confronting Davey and i don’t have details but I do have this piece of dialogue:

“If you weren’t a girl, you’d find out exactly why they call me Mouth.” “I think your inability to shut up might have something to do with it.” “No, it’s because when I hear someone talking about something they have no idea about, I aim for the mouth. And I don’t miss.”

And then Kath kisses him and Davey’s like omg??? Do I…..??? Like girls??? (Bc living in a house full of boys there’s no WAY he doesn’t already know he’s gay (umbrella term))

This Affects Post Canon bc I said so. Fun Post Canon Stuff (it’s fun for ME. Probably not for yall. You’ll call it angst or something):

Jack catches a Davey and Katherine kiss when they win the strike and it kind of makes him Unwell

Davey gets a job writing for The World

Jack has a hard time adjusting going back to school, can’t focus, realizes he’s happiest when he’s with the newsies (and Davey)

He brings up to Medda the idea of dropping out to get a job. She agrees because she sees how unhappy he is and school really just isn’t I for him

Kath gets him a job as an artist at The World

This means he has to see Davey and Kath Together Every Day and it makes him even more Unwell (although he loves the art part of it!)

Davey notices this because he is Davey

Because he is Davey and is the smartest man in the room but also the biggest idiot on the planet, he completely misconstrues the reason Jack is Being Weird

So Davey invites Jack to hang out one on one, without Katherine and Jack accepts at first but it gets harder and harder and Davey is more engrained in his life than ever and he just can’t do it

So Jack stops interacting with Davey at work, blows him off outside of it, and generally starts distancing himself and Davey is totally clueless

Finally, he goes to Katherine and complains about it and the conversation goes something like this:

“I thought spending time alone with him, away from you—no offense—would make him feel better. You know, remind him that no matter what’s going on with you and me that he’s still my friend.”

“I think that’s part of the problem, Davey.”

“I mean yeah. Truth be told if he and I weren’t friends I doubt you and I would even be an issue. I think he’d just go for it.”

“…… What?”

“I think he’d ask you on a date outright, instead of feeling guilty about his feelings for you.”

“….. oh my god you fucking idiot.”

Don’t ask me how this is resolved because i have absolutely no idea :)

[kaycynyrs]

Let's talk about Christopher Diaz in fanfic

I want to preface this by saying I'm pretty new to the fandom. I joined a few months or so before season 7 started dropping. So I'm probably not the best source for information when it comes to the show, but I definitely wanted to throw my hat into the ring. I'm aware that Chris is aging during the course of the show, and that he was much younger when he was first introduced, but it seems to me that a lot of fanfic writers and/or people in this fandom kinda struggle to realistically write and/or portray accurate representation of a preteen/early teenager as Chris is now.

I have absolutely no idea if maybe it's some kinda weird way of seemingly (kinda horribly) trying to portray disability, or maybe people in the 911 fandom just do not spend time around pre-teens, but as someone who does spend a lot of time with a pre-teen (specifically my 12 y/o brother) I definitely figured I could give some insight into this topic.

Now I do want to clarify before I begin, that in no way shape or form am I talking about the disabled portion of Chris' experience. I don't have the knowledge or firsthand experience or anything like that to even begin to try and be a voice on that topic, and if anyone else could give insight into that portion of Chris' experience, I welcome it gladly. Especially because it's an integral part of him and introduces some experiences that other pre-teens won't have to deal with which can change how Chris reacts/deals with situations.

What I can accurately talk about though is the things I've noticed in my brother as he goes through this phase of his life. I can also compare his experiences to what I remember from when I was his age, and I'm noticing he's going through certain things that I went through too. I know everyone is different, but hopefully this insight can help some people begin to understand Chris as he is now.

Now, on top of all the slow but noticeable bodily changes, these little sass masters are emotionally volatile. As in, the littlest things seem to be the end of the world. Especially if he's (my brother) is overtired. He tends to have tunnel vision, and he wants things to go his way. If it doesn't immediately go as planned, he tends to get very very frustrated. When that happens, he tends to blow up then go into his room until he's calmed down. After he's calm, then productive conversation can happen.

Kids Chris' age also tend to enjoy video games (like Roblox, or console games) more than they do coloring or legos or any physical toy. Not saying my brother has stopped playing with them all together, but it's definitely slowed down. If he were to play with legos, it'd more likely be a complicated lego set. Or complicated arts and crafts. His most recent projects being origami swords and origami paper dragons. Like, please don't forget that Chris is a good artist and is capable of drawing accurate human hearts.

I've also noticed that kids will go through a collecting phase. They'll collect anything and everything and it'll be the weirdest shit you could never predict. My brother when he was a bit younger literally stole every single sock in the house for his "sock collection" and stuffed an entire drawer full of them. Now he's moved on to collecting golf balls.

And, whether we like it or not, these kids are on the internet. My brother at least is very very influenced by online trends. Half the things he's interested in he saw on social media first. But that means that these kids have a rich meme culture. They have their own in jokes and concepts, same as we did growing up. And sure, some of the jokes are the same. I mean heck, my brother won't shut up with the "your mom" jokes, but they also have things like skibbidy toilet, chippi chippi choppa choppa, and other memes. (I have a list of current tween memes in my notes, but that can be a separate post if people truly want it)

Like it's such a missed funny opportunity! To have Chris reference current memes or current sayings like "gyot, what the sigma, and womp womp," and just having every single adult within the immediate vicinity be confused as fuck, and of course the kids won't explain, because why would they. It's funny to them that the adults are confused. Which also pairs with the amount of sass contained in their tiny orifices. Their come backs are insane and not to be trifled with. My brother has burned me so many times and so well that for all intents and purposes I should be a pile of ash on floor, honestly and truly.

Now, when it comes to romance, I have no idea when that changes. I think Chris is around 14 in the most recent season? And he's gone through a little heartbreaker phase, but currently, my brother at 12 is absolutely disgusted by romance. I myself am demisexual so I'm not a good reference for that, and can't really comment on when people start feeling attraction for others. But considering it's being portrayed in the show, I think it could be something to lean into as well.

All of this to say, Chris won't be this picture perfect baby all of the time. He'll get angry, frustrated, sad. Give people the silent treatment. He'll be weird and strange and say stupid shit. He'll also probably occasionally get confused over certain sayings he's never heard before. (E.g similes commonly used in writing) He'll try to get out of chores, and homework, and he'll whine and complain. His body is changing, he's probably experiencing growing pains, and he's probably starting to discover more adult things. But he'll also have his moments of insightfulness and humor. He's a little adult! And he should be allowed to be portrayed that way! Let Chris be a multidimensional character! It's what he deserves! And just to make it clear, this goes for every pre-teen on 911. I've just noticed the infantilisation of Chris a lot more than say Denny.

Please let me know your thoughts on this matter! I'd love to hear them! Have a wonderful day!

[re-bee-key]

Just watched the Tumblr Live QnA Panel, and here's some of my thoughts:

* Had to toggle on Tumblr Live to watch and agree to the terms.

The stream itself was a little low quality visually, not terrible, but either they used a low quality camera or streaming isn't up to the same quality as other sites like Tiktok

* the gifting feature that mimics Tiktok was obnoxious. Users that seem to use Tumblr Live a lot where using gifts very often. The gift icons would take up most of the screen covering chat.

Some people in chat suggested that the gifters were Staff plants to make the site seem more popular than it is. There is no way to verify if they are or are not. But these individuals talked in the chat about how they use Tumblr Live all the time, and some dont even have blogs they only use Live. Which is????

I don't like the gifting emojis. But i dont like them on Twitch or tiktok either, so shrug emoji, i guess

Questions Answered (that i remember)

* The Chronological Dashboard will stay. They mentioned this several times that tumblr, while they are going to improve the For You algorithm, the main Chronological Dashboard will not change.

* Tumblr Live apparently isn't blocked in Europe and is just waiting for approval, which is soon. They said it being blocked was misinformation. (Which i have no way to verify.)

* LGBTQA+ and specifically Trans content getting flagged or censored is a bug, apparently. They said it happens from time to time, but reporting should fix it. Users in the chat were unhappy with this answer since the issue has lasted for such a long time and doesn't seem or feel random. But they did not comment further.

* Tumblr posts being collapsable was not super addressed. They sort of skimmed over this question and just said that they try lots of new features to see what works and what doesn't. Apparently, there will be a toggle to turn this feature on or off.

* Tumblr Groups was addressed. It was shut down because not enough users used the feature.

Apparently, not many users use Tumblr Live either, but they want to keep working on it to make it appealing.

* Another bit about Tumblr Live. CEO essentially said they will not give the option to permanently toggle off the feature.

One user had asked if Tumblr had investors. CEO said, "Of course."

CEO did mention they "might" add a way to permanently turn off tumblr live. But it if they did, it would be a paid option over $20.

* One user commented that they are epileptic and that certain ads trigger their seizures because of the flashing colors and wanted to know what they would do for this issue. Tumblr CEO said "Well you could pay for No Ads."

CEO talked about paying to go ad free a lot. Saying only 25 thousand users pay for it at the moment.

Personally, it seems really irresponsible to suggest that the only way to fix an accessibility issue is for a user to pay money. As if disabled people dont have to pay enough as it is.

* I had asked if they were willing to work with more artists for Merch and Badges. They said they are working on it and there is a feature called Creatr that is set up to uplift creators and work with them on merch ideas.

I've never heard of Creatr. He seemed like we should have known what it was? Maybe they should promote that more. I know we all want more ways to support artists.

* More Badges and Achievements are coming. Apparently, a Legacy Badge that shows how long you've been on tumblr is in the works. (Im personally very excited about Badges.)

* Tumblr is thinking bout doing more QnA and even meet ups at different conventions and some even at the headquarters themselves. (They did not acknowledge questions that asked for a Headquarters video tour.)

Anyways, that was about all I can remember. Staff didn't record the panel, so hopefully, one of the other users did.

They talked about other random stuff. Calling out gifters specifically and rambling about donuts and books.

Oh, also, they brought a ball pit. Which is, yeah. Lol

[helenkordart]

This was a bit of an insane project! I decided to draw all the designs from the various official arts we have gotten over the years. A bit of an archiving project! I tried to make them as accurate as possible. It involved a lot of guesswork tho, since most of them don′t show the full designs. Let′s just say that only 5 of these (and I mean five figures, not design sets lmao) show any kinds of shoes.

I do love seeing the design elements that carry over between the designs tho. Ququ is a cold boy and has to have some kind of fur or a scarf. Feng-er doesn′t want a speck of dirt to touch him and prefers high collars and bracers and high boots (the boots ARE book canon tho). I also love that there′s only three designs that have Ququ wear some kind of crown, the rest is just ribbons or nothing at all, despite the jade crown being mentioned at least once. Like no, we want the boy to be cozy and prevent headaches...!

Please tell me which designs are your favourite! Mine is the official manhua design, mostly because it′s honestly such a smart design, especially Ququ. Like you can tell the artist looked at Ququ and his specific disabilities and worked from there. Besides the hair ribbon, my favourite small detail is the arm warmers that look like compression gloves used for arthritis 🥹 That one means so much to me. Also the difference in layers between Ququ (I′m cold) and Feng-er (ew no dirt touch me ew). It′s just. So nice 🥹♥️

If you want the corresponding official arts, I′ve posted them in the thread on twitter! Anyway here′s which is which with more commentary lmao sorry I cannot shut up about these so much thought actually went into making them and this is the only place where I can actually talk about them properly 🥹

The designs from the first discontinued manhua- Some people in the fandom prefer these because they say they feel more adult but no, sorry, sure the art skill might be better but they just. Don′t feel like Fengcuis to me. Like I would′ve learned to love them but I′d never exchange them for the main ones we got. Plus the character designs changed between all the panels, so trying to chase down a specific design was hell. I′m glad Ququ showed up only in one panel so I didn′t have to do that again lmaoo

The designs from the official manhua- I already explained above why I love them so much. Just. These are THE designs for me. I see these little guys and my heart goes doki doki. If (when) I make lil standees, I′ll very probably use these

The designs from my favourite of the manhua covers- you don′t understandddddddddddddddddddddddddd I love this cover so much. To say I′m insane about it is an understatement. Just. Look at the cover art. Feng-er staring directly into the camera, challenging. Ququ looking soooo kissable. Their entwined fingers. Ququ wearing a jade bracelet in the colours of Feng-er′s robes. I′m just. Vrrrrrrr bark bark BARK. Also had to make MORE patterns for this one. Still not sure I did it proper justice tho 🥹

The manhua-canon modern au outfits- I still can′t believe we got a canon modern au where singer-spy Feng-er kidnaps doctor Ququ on a mission-date and has him hold a silly baloon all day and wear a cute little cap with a silly little cockatoo on it and then they wish each other a happy new year during a sunset on top of the ferris wheel AND I′M SUPPOSED TO BE NORMAL ABOUT IT???????????? Anyway Ququ in his tweed collection is so cute. Mwah. Best boy. Feng-er come on tug on his scarf and kiss him. Do it. Now

Designs from the covers of the traditional edition- these designs are pretty unique while still feeling in character, which is cool! Ququ is such a fancy lil lad here. And I′m obsessed with his... frog? Mousie? Front clasp. I made it a little fox because of course I did

Design from the 1st cover of the simplified edition- I don′t have that much to say about these honestly except that they′re very pretty. I love that Feng-er′s top robe is sheer and I love the silver embroidery, even if it took me some time to figure out how tf to draw it

Design from the 2st cover (Ququ) and 3rd cover (Feng-er) of the simplified edition- that Ququ design drives me crazy. He looks so soft and cozy, you wouldn′t guess that this is the meanest most repressed bitchiest man in all of ye olde Sui dynasty. I want to squeeze him. Cute agression overload. Meanwhile I couldn′t figure out what Feng-er′s belt and hem was doing pattern wise so I just winged it lol.

Fengcuis cosplaying a married couple with designs from the Thai vol. 1+2 freebie- God. Funniest arc in the entire book. They′re insane. They′re perfect for each other. Peerlessly matched. One day I′ll draw more of unhinged wife Feng-er because seriously. Their idea of heterosexual marriage is SO funny. They′re so real for that. And the og chibi designs are SO cute. Ququ′s sweaty little face. This was your idea gay boy, suffer

Audio drama designs from first half of season 1- These are so funny bcs the difference of the designs is like. Main covers: beautiful and ethereal. Minisode covers: Ququ is A Tube with a head on top. Slappy fights. Beautiful. No notes. TubeQu is a god′s perfect creature

Audio drama designs from second half of season 1- I said it before but these just feel too generic to be properly them. While drawing them they did kinda grow on me, at least Feng-er, since his expression is kinda perfectly smug. Im still ehhh on the Ququ tho. He′d look better without the crown.

Designs from Thai covers 1+2- oh man lol the thai covers. I was joking that I could not save the Feng-er, but he did grow on me. It might be that he looks proper manic with the chibi base I drew 😂 But he′d look so much cuter with bangs. Idk why the artist did him like this. Meanwhile Ququ is the most beautiful man alive. I mean it′s what he deserves, but it′s still very funny. Also LOVE how big and fluffy his collar is.

Designs from Thai cover 3- besides my other issues with the thai design, the colours on Feng-er just clash lmao I′m sorry, again why did the thai artist have to do him like this 😂 meanwhile the coat on Ququ is not a colour I′ve ever seen him in, but yknow what it works surprisingly well. He continues to be the most beautiful man around. Sorry king is that horrible peacock bothering you

[arche0ps-moved]

can you please tell us more about your cool earthbound (or mother in general) headcanons. . . one's already mentioned are so cool I WANNA KNOW!!! ps YOU ARE COOL IN GENERAL TOO!!!!!!!

OHHH MIKE YOU SCAMP .. TWIRLS MY HAIR!! This could be long so. Under the cut !

okay first guy: ness I love ness.

Ness is a trans kid!! he doesn't know the right terminology for any of it but he knows he never felt like a girl. his family all support him ofc, but Tracy got a little sad thinking ness wouldn't play dollhouse with her anymore (he still totally does)

Ness looooves gross stuff. Bugs, mud, bones, etc. Call me autistic the way I study those bugs (<- ness)

oh also he's autistic 👍 very sensitive to loud noises and the cold, and wears almost the same outfit everyday because 1. different outfit everyday is HARD . 2. He likes his outfit!!

his special interest is baseball :)

him and pokey play on the same Onett baseball team and have an unofficial rivalry with the Fourside Fogies . one time they trapped pokey under the bleachers. it was a whole ordeal (hc from soypeople thank you bestie)

ness was their number one player!! until. yk. giygas. after all that he quit going to school and became a shut in for a good while (he'll be okay)

Paula helps teach him the PK moves!! Fire freeze thunder etc etc. In return him and pu teach her how to heal and such (none of them manage to learn starstorm, though ..)

Ness is overall an overly caring kid. he'll often put others before himself, especially in the line of danger. But he can also be very stubborn if he chooses to (if he's angry, he'll most likely give you silent treatment until he simmers down)

Ness and Paula date in the future :]

ok paula now.

Paula is a transgirl!! she knows the terms bc she's a fast learner (with gifted child syndrome)

When she grows up she most likely takes over the Polestar preschool

Funnily enough, her favorite color isn't pink. It's green!

Her parents are a bit overprotective of her .... Ness and her had to practically beg to go fight Giygas

Much like Ness, she cares a lot for her friends. Unable to heal them with her PSI, she resorts to carrying around lots of healing items for her pals! (And wet towels for Jeff, since he overheats easily)

She doesn't mind any temp, but sweat is an unpleasant sensation for her (it's gross, it smells, and ew, it's wet! Jeff shares the same sentiment)

She isn't a damsel in distress, obviously. She probably would've beaten up Montoli and Carpainter all on her own if she didn't have the brain to accompany her (though, an hour longer in the cage at Happy Happy and she probably would've started a fire ..)

OK JEFF TIME I LOVE JEFF :) copy pasting some jeff-tony hcs from my personal discord teehee

When Jeff couldn't stand in class Tony would take his assignments to the teacher when they both finished (albeit a bit later as Tony took more time on his)

Tony signs the end of the Y in name with a small heart when writing Jeff. Jeff was oblivious to it's meaning till he got older

Tony will sometimes break stuff on purpose when Jeff has nothing to tinker. Just little things that they won't miss if Jeff can't fix them (he always fixes them)

Jeff shares what he doesn't eat with Tony (tony has a bit appetite!)

Jeff carries Tony's bag in his lap when in his chair

Neither of them use air fresheners or perfumes. It irritates Jeff's nose and Tony has asthma. Win!

They don't have the same taste in music but like to listen to each other's music when working in their dorm. They take turns putting in tapes

Jeff prefers classical music .. Tony calls him old for it (it's endearing. He's memorized Jeff's favorite artists)

Jeff falls asleep in class a lot .. tony makes sure to write plenty of notes if he does

Non Tony related ones:

Jeff is autistic! And physically disabled. His legs were injured in the novels boat incident, so he uses a cane(or crutches) and a wheelchair depending on how well he feels

He doesn't like being babied or carried around much, but if it's necessary he'll allow someone to lift him (mostly ness or tony)

Distant relationship with his dad obviously. It gets a bit better but they never get as close as they could

Jeff modifies his chair to have rockets on them. Because it's fun!

Even after getting his prosthetics he'll still use the chair whenever he feels tired

As stated in my fic he hates the heat so so much. He'd rather run around in the snow butt naked than spend a minute at the beach

Okay that's enough Jeff sorry for the favoritism <3 pu time!!

I spell his name as Pu thanks to mysthlarey (thank u bestie)

Probably very stressed. It's hard being the newest king and also 14

His hair is shaved on the sides and tied into a long braid. No reason behind it he just likes it that way tbh

Despite his resting-mean-boy face, he's super sweet under that Princely attitude! (He's got a lot on his shoulders, it's hard to relax)

Much like in game he's very . Uh. Physcially weak. Most people don't expect that because of his "fighter" look, so they don't usually mess with him

He's a picky eater bc of sensory issues. What do you MEAN you guys can eat rice? Yuck! (It tastes fine, but the feeling is .. bad. very bad)

Water enthusiast :) often the one to remind Ness (water hater) to drink some water

Tallest of the group (sorry jeff)

Funnily enough he doesn't grow once he hits his current height. Sooner or later Paula matches him in height and he finds it p funny

Uses his future kingly status to mess around with his friends. (Ex: DEAR NESS. THIS IS THE KING OF DALAAM. COME OKAY WORLD OF WARCRAFT WITH ME OR ELSE I WILL START A WAR WITH EAGLELAND. signed ur bestie xoxoxox :) )

bonus time oh goodness oh me oh my! Random character's!

Tracy uses she/they

Picky uses he/they. they match!

Picky loooves spiders (<- he doesn't know about pokey)

Tony's family actually live in Scaraba- they sent him off to Winters since it has the best school in the 3 major continents (he was eligible, so why not take the chance!)

Pokey and Ness liked to draw comics together :) they're probably super cringey now

Picky, Tracy, Ness, and Pokey all used to walk to school together. Sometimes pokey had to carry picky since he was half asleep

Ness doesn't actually eat trash burgers okay it was ONE TIME you can STOP BRINGING IT UP POKEY

pokey needs glasses due to his bangs fucking up his vision. will he ever get them? probably not

aloysius minch is bisexual. win I guess

[atalana]

okay im sorry but did you seriously just say "'dont let your disability stop you' only applies to things like becoming a master artist!!!" what. in what world is becoming a fucking master artist easier to do than walking. in what world is that not something that a disability can prevent. what kind of fucking logic are you even operating on. lol. lmao

okay you have waaaaaay misinterpreted my words on quite an old post but i do remember the post in question so on the miniscule chance you're asking in good faith let's clarify what i meant

as a disabled person, and an artist, of course your disability can prevent you from going about things in a conventional way. there are some people who will never be able to hold a paintbrush, for example. hell, i consider myself quite lucky that im able to get close to conventional art methods, but i still have to reckon with my dyspraxia, which means im never gonna make a speed paint bc people don't need to know it takes me three times as long just to make a smooth line, or my fibromyalgia, which means i can't sit upright in a chair for more than about two hours without needing to lie down and/or causing me serious pain

but the distinction i was trying to make is that becoming a master artist is not a physical skill. art is inherent to all human beings, and we work with what we've got. frida kahlo painted from her bed. people who are lacking limbs have made art with their feet or their mouths, people lacking motor skills have made art from typewriters, or computers, or made paintings that took advantage of their disabilities rather than being weakened by them

if your dream in life is to become an artist, then you will find a way. and i know it can be despairing, because i'm an actor, it's the only thing in the world i feel like i was born to do. and when i got the fibromyalgia (and was also diagnosed with endometriosis around the same time), i thought i'd never get to where i am because i didn't think i'd have the energy for the kind of rehearsal schedule and flat out show week a show demands. hell i quit my first agency when i was 19 because i couldn't handle the audition notices knowing i wouldn't be able to manage the job if i got it. but i adapted. and i found things that work for me. and i did an entire theatre degree followed by a successful fringe season, and while i may not move as quickly as others in this field, im going to keep going, and i'm going to do more

that is what the phrase "don't let your disability stop you" should be used for. for when you know in your heart that this is the only thing you were put on this world to do, but you feel like it's impossible because you can't do it the way other people do it. what you've got to learn for yourself is that it doesn't matter how other people do it. do it how you can do it. because if this is what you were meant to do, you might as well try

however, what i was criticising when i said that, is that abled people have got a hold of that phrase, and are using it to deny peoples disabilities. if someone can't walk, saying "don't let your disability stop you" is not going to magically make them walk, it's just going to make them feel bad about letting their disability stop them. which is stupid, because disabilities do stop you, that's why they're called disabilities. and pretending they don't exist just hurts disabled people. in either situation, i'm encouraging people to work with what they've got, rather than trying to force what doesn't work to work, which is how one learns to live in this world with a disability (or several)

abled people don't want us to work with what we've got, they want us to do it how they do it, even if it causes us serious pain or injury, or even if we're straight up physically unable to do the thing they want us to do. and those are situations in which i want abled people to shut the fuck up, and in which i want disabled people to know it's okay to go at their own pace, and to do it in a way that doesn't hurt, even if it seems bizarre and backwards to the people around them

also for some people art is easier than walking. we all live in a world governed by our own limits, and trying to fit a cookie cutter mold helps no one

[strawberryamanita]

Alright, it was a bad idea to go into the neurosparkly tag. People are chill in the neurospicy tag, but it's just hatepost after hatepost after hatepost in the neurosparkly tag.

I was gonna keep my mouth shut, but now I'm pissed. Y'all really know how to make a person's skin crawl.

Rant below.

Listen, this reeks of one person pulling "neurosparkly" and "neurospicy" out of a very obscure conversation and going "hmm, this gives me the willies, so it looks like an acceptable target to me!", and I'm already sick of it. This gives me the exact same vibes as that one famous post about transmeds vs transtrenders -- this idea of pinning one form of self-expression against another, in the name of dunking on fellow marginalized people that are giving your demographic "a bad name". To that end, I'd like to remind y'all that the original artist of that post admitted they weren't acting right about trans people that aren't like them, and so I'm hoping we get over this and get over it soon.

Because we cannot keep doing this.

Every. Summer. Every fucking Summer, this website has to put a spotlight on a new group to punch down on. First it was just about every LGBTQIA+ group outside of cis gay men you could imagine -- lesbians, bis/pans, trans people, ace people, non-binary people, people who identify as queer (we're literally all queer, but that's another convo all together), you name it. It literally never stops, you people have to be taught over and over again that, no, this one group isn't okay to target either, that's your family too, you're not better than them for being a different flavor of weird.

Now we're doing this to neurodivergent people? Neurodivergent people. The overwhelming majority of this website. You're gonna try and clown on other neurodivergent people for, what is it, being cringe? After we just agreed that embracing cringe is a huge step towards self-acceptance and self-love? tumblr is THE cringe website. We don't do optics here, we don't clean our metaphorical rooms when guests are over.

Like what, we have to take every moment of our neurodivergent lives seriously? It's ridiculous enough that we have a "normal" model for how a brain should be, compared to all the different ways a person can develop. Are we such tragic figures that we can't take the smallest delight in calling ourself a fun little nickname? It's not self-censoring, it's not like "handicapable vs disabled", let's not treat this thing like a gust of wind on the house of cards that is our (quite necessary) camaraderie.

Are we gonna start zeroing in on specific neurodivergent conditions next? How long are we gonna play this stupid game of Who Is It Okay To Bully on this website? If you wanna look like a mature and poised and respectable lot, you can't be doing something so petty, whether it's for fun or "for the cause".

Y'know what? I support neurosparkly. I support neurospicy. My neurotype is glow-in-the-dark. It's glittery, it's color-changing, it's metallic and covered in rhinestones and smells like artificial fruits. My neurotype is crayon drawings and old kids' meal toys and bubble machines and getting bleary-eyed over Muppet songs. My brain is covered in holographic stickers and playing 8bit videogame music on loop. I am Cringemeister General. You could only wish to be as cringe as me.

Now cringe. Cringe and cope and seethe and mald. Dig up everything you can about me to attempt to punish me for disagreeing with you, and let your confirmation bias run wild. Post me on r/cringe, make a YouTube or TikTok video about me, pick me apart on a livestream, make me the poster-boy of your disgust, print out a screenshot of my blog and throw darts at it. Dance the dance of self-hatred, and then wait in the wings until you get to dance it again.

Eugh.

I'm gonna close this rant using every argument that I've seen effectively shut down these yearly attempts at putting eachother in the pillories, because I don't know if I can take another Summer of this:

If you start picking on people for using "neurosparkly" or "neurospicy", I'm assuming you're a fed. Infighting only helps the oppressors, and if we spend our energy trying to police eachother we're not going to get anything done. Kill the cringe cop in your head. There's as many ways for a person to live as are, have been, and will be people on this planet; there's a good chance you're gonna hear about some people who give you the ick, but you're gonna have to swallow that ick and respect them anyhow.

Every ounce of energy you spend rolling your eyes at people you consider beneath you can be spent chipping away at a person in power. Every minute you choose to spend tsking or turning up your nose at "weird" kids can be spent advocating for that weirdness and normalizing being fucking nice to people. You punch down or punch across because it gives you quicker, more visible results; if we're all punching up, they'll have no other option than to listen to us.

There is enough room for everybody. Even the neurospicies, even the neurosparklies.

PS: Any attempts to make fun of me or the people I talked about in this post are just straight-up gonna be ignored. I don't see why you'd want to convince me to think less of others, so trying to sway me is gonna be difficult on your part. I'm not debating anyone's rights, and I'm not gonna conserve spoons to argue with a stranger. I have Anons turned off already, so if you wanna get up in my virtual face you won't have a disguise to protect you.

Thank you for your time.

[practically-an-x-man]

what is the stupidest hill your ocs will die on? lol

Haha I love this, thank you

Rae: People in non-Anglophone countries are not and should not be obligated to switch to English. If you want to visit you'd better fuckin know enough of their language to get around, it's not their job to learn English just to babysit you

Robin: Why tf does the alto clef exist? I mean, seriously. Anyone who's enough of a music nerd to read alto clef in the first place is enough of a music nerd to be able to read things above/below the staff in the other clefs.

Madison: Being alone and being a loner are two completely different things. She has had multiple arguments over this distinction.

Ophelia: If people want high-skilled jobs, why do they make you pay exorbitant amounts of money just to have the skills to get those jobs? She has a doctorate in biomed engineering, she's helping people, but if it weren't for scholarships and funding from Oscorp she'd be drowning in debt just to... be able to help people? College tuition rates make zero sense to her.

Gia: Every single one of the Avengers is physically or mentally disabled in some way, she could list each one (Hawkeye is Deaf, Bucky's an amputee like her, almost everyone's got PTSD, etc.), and she's tired of people just... not acknowledging that? Their superheroes, that they look up to, are disabled, yet half the time people won't even give up the disabled seats on the bus for her.

Jasper: Medical dramas ruin people's perceptions of medicine. They still love to watch the medical shows, sheerly for the sake of making fun of them, but they firmly believe that House MD has led people to self-diagnosing some absolutely wild conclusions for the mildest symptoms. No, you are not like that girl who had the bubonic plague. No, you do not have lupus. You have chills and fever and joint pain because it is flu season and you have the flu. Go home.

Kestrel: Animal taxonomy is... kind of a fucking joke. It works, it's a good system for cataloguing things, but... it's also a joke. Things don't make sense. If you get deep enough into taxonomy then birds don't exist. Either nothing's a fish or everything is a fish. Don't even get them start on hybridization.

Katherine: Realism artists aren't better artists than abstract artists, or any other kind of artist, just because they can do realism. Stop trying to compliment her by saying "I need a ruler to draw a stick man" or "I could never draw like that". Pick up a pencil and practice.

Quinn: People seem to feel the need to critique her choice of footwear when she's out walking with her crutches. No, thank you, her combat boots are more than fine. They're a little heavy, but they're familiar and comfortable, and they're already made for walking over tough terrain. Tennis shoes, or even orthopedic shoes, just throw her off-balance and make things worse. Shut up with the WebMD talk.

Eris: What hill wouldn't they die on? They'll die on hills they don't even care about, just for the sake of having an argument. He finds it fun.

Nikoletta: People who come to New Orleans just to dunk on the haunted history are just as annoying as people who come to New Orleans to rave over the haunted history. Come, enjoy yourself, but understand that it's a city with real history, and real families live there. She was just as annoyed with the people who would come for a "voodoo reading" and gush about it as she was with the people who would come in just to tell her to "do her best, I know it's all tricks". (even if her readings were just a scam, that still takes effort and skill, and besides that she knows there's a lot of people who have total faith in their abilities as mediums)

[overheaven]

bleh i’ll probably delete this l8r it’s just tumblr users making me upset lol

the ‘i don’t listen to rap music’ thing that’s happening here is SO embarrassing, it’s like 2006-ass discourse and yeah everyone could stand to shut up a bit LOL but i saw the latest version of that big post that’s going around now has a screenshot of someone admitting they’re afraid of their echolalia picking up slurs in rap music and now there’s a bunch of “if you say a slur it’s not that autism it’s you pal” n stuff in the tags and that’s my least favorite type of tumblr ableism like yeah yeah whatever it’s easy to twist that person’s comments into “i can’t listen to rap because i’m autistic” for dunking purposes but. that is not what they said. fear of echolalia or verbal tics or even just intrusive thoughts picking up stuff like that is a real thing. “i get intrusive thoughts that are slurs but i don’t say it!!” good for u! but your experience with intrusive thoughts isn’t universal and intrusive thoughts aren’t the same as having echolalia, coprolalia, or verbal tics.

BUT!! even more than hating that type of ableism, in the screenshot of that person saying they’re afraid of their echolalia picking up slurs... they literally list their fave hip hop/rap artists & nu metal bands, which i looked up and they are all black musicians (or have black band members)!! yeah i personally probably wouldn’t have phrased it the same way if i were that person but they’re clearly not trying to use it as an excuse to not give the genre or black artists a try? i thought the joke was shaming white people for being biased, challenging preconceived racist notions about whole music genres, and trying to encourage people to expand their musical interests to things that are not just white or white people-approved? clearly this person likes black musicians & rap or music with rap elements so what are we doing with dunking on them aside from making someone feel more anxious and insecure about their disability? there was a tag saying “just find music that doesn’t have slurs!!” they clearly did and you’re just admitting you don’t know the artists they recommended and you couldn’t be assed to look them up! (side note they sounded cool so at least i got some new music out of this!!)

i’ll take that person admitting to their fear in a kind of heavy-handed way and recommending artists i’ve never heard of over the “i’m the only white girl that listens to rap <3 i love childish gambino” reblog LOL???

i’ve been seeing posts that compliment this ongoing embarrassment that are like “you don’t have to like rap music, but you should engage with black musicians and genres; try jazz, try blues, etc etc” which! yes! absolutely! like. look we have a person who has done that and found that hip hop and nu metal or music with rap elements by black artists are more their style than stuff categorized as rap. yet they’re up getting roasted in the hall of shame alongside the “i like hamilton” people and that just feels mean-spirited. idk. just makes me sad.

but i rly shouldn’t be surprised because assuming the worst in others and living out high school bully fantasies is just the tumblr way lollllll

[nickeverdeen]

hi! how are you? are you still doing match-ups for harry potter? i would prefer a male match up, please. if not and you no longer doing matchups then you can delete this and I'm sorry to bother you.

appearance: she/her. i'm 5'3 and a bit chubby. i have a strong southern accent. i have mid-length light brown hair with blonde highlights and blue eyes. i wear glasses and i have faint freckles that really come out during the summertime (my fav season). i have little scars all over me from my love of being outside and my cat. i love doing my skincare/hygiene things, it gives me such serotonin. my fingernails are always painted bright colors. i always have a scrunchie on my wrist. i love jewelry, especially necklaces so i am almost always wearing a necklace of some sort. i don't know how to put my style into words so here are a few pics i found of my style:

personality: i am argumentative, sassy, sarcastic, and opinionated. i am also kind, almost to a fault because i can literally not be mean. no matter how much a person gets on my nerves, and they do, very much, i just cannot be mean. i blame my parents. i love to learn everything except for math, i have dyscalculia (which is a learning disability in math, it's sort of like dyslexia but math). but i love everything else, especially history and english. i am a huge bookworm, my favorite genres are fantasy and greek mythology. i love playing my own therapist and finding out why i do things. i am a very curious person so my google history is very strange and i fall into Wikipedia rabbit holes very easily. i am a very emotional person but i hate crying in front of people, i like to cry by myself and then be comforted. i am observant and i learn a lot from watching those around me. i am quiet until you get to know me, then i won't shut up. i am very sentimental and if you give me anything, card, sticky note, whatever, I'm keeping it. i write letters to get my emotion's out a lot but never send them.

random facts: i love music, my favorite artists are taylor swift and alec benjamin but i also love classical music and lofi. my favorite band is 5sos. i want to learn to play the keyboard and guitar. i am obsessed with photography. i love being outside.

have a great day!

Of course I still do match ups!

Btw you look amazing!!!

Your Harry Potter match is…

Cedric Diggory

Cedric loves your accent

He definetly buys you some jewelry like rings or necklaces

You can’t be mean? He’s gonna be mean for you if it’s really a case

Cedric is very protective towards you and if someone is making you uncomfortable, he’s most likely to confort them about their actions

Complimenting you 24/7

To him you’re the most intelligent person in the whole world

He doesn’t know what Math is, but after you’d show him, he definetly wouldn’t like it nor understand it

“I’m sorry princess, but fuck Math, it’s so stupid”

Cedric doesn’t read much, but he’d love to listen to you telling him what’s going on or what happened in your book

Jokes about Greek Mythology

As much as it hurts Cedric, he is letting you crying by yourself if that’s what you need, but expect a huge comfort from his side later

Hands holding

Cedric loves to talk to people and if you’d later tell him what you learned from observing others, he’d be shocked and suprised that you read so easily in people

Gives you his scarf in winter so you wouldn’t get cold

Only if you’d want the scarf of course

Walking dates

Cedric is 6’1 and you’re 5’3 so expect a LOT of joking about your height

Takes you out to sit near the lake or just somewhere quiet

Sometimes he’d just play some of your favourite songs and dance with you in your or his dorm

Hates it when others talk shit about you

Cedric is VERY supportive

————————————————————

[shadowbrightshine]

Give me your scoop to Michael head cannons

Mike basically shut off for the first few days of Ennards invasion because the power of like 5 soul juiced animatronics overpowered his soul for awhile. He mostly floated just outside the mind of Ennard. If the body hadn't rotted enough for Ennard to leave, he'd have ended up possessing Ennard instead and joined the soul soul soup. Mike doesn't have to eat anymore so he saves a ton of money, and he just works remotely. I like to imagine he inherited the determination of his father and the skills of Henry and built himself a voice box out of UTAU technology like a vocaloid and watched a million tutorials on how to tune it into a talkoid. Then he recorded a ton of phrases and started working in fields where he could just play them. Eventually he figured out how to program a system to play the phrases and then words.

He could've just used a talk pad but he didn't think about it because his family never interacted with disability aid, and he had never seen one. He used every recording of himself he could find and even his father's voice if he could make it sound more like him.

His body is mostly hollow and he slowly filled it with bits of tech to help himself talk, because he couldn't stand being silent after his siblings died and he was stuck in a silent home. He's a cyborg now.

He doesn't need organs, he just needs to be heard.

He also discovered illusion discs and found some 3d modelers and artists, paid them as much ad he could, and got a working illusion on his body so he could start looking for jobs at Fazbears again. He's quiet, but he makes himself normal enough that people just glance and ignore him.

I have more if you need.

[cuomophobe]

another thing for the case against male immaturity/vulnerability being accepted, I'm a mentally ill woman (ish), my electric meat be fucky, and I have big anxiety on public transport, so sometimes I have to ask people for help. I general ask the people who work on the public transport if I can (shoutout to crosscountry rail, they've helped me out of many a jam), but if I have the misfortune on getting anxious on a train with unhelpful staff, or on the bus, I have to ask fellow passengers for help.

I'm very aware of my privilege here; I'm small, very female looking, white passing, and well spoken, so people are generally very sympathetic and happy to help, and I've only ever dealt with one creep because of it (big up the artist lady on the train from Reading to Oxford who stepped in, ily queen). I'm also very aware that I live in a relatively safe, developed country, where mental illness isn't taboo, and we are making strides towards disability acceptance. I couldn't ask for help like this in turkey, I know that.

My bf is a beautiful giraffe man, who deals with his own anxiety as an auxiliary thing to his autism and adhd. He's 6'4, and has a fair bit of muscle; if you didn't know him, you'd probably find him a lil intimidating at first glance, but that man is a giant teddy bear and I love him sm. He unequivocally could not ask for help the way I do if the big anxiety hit him (the good news is that it's not a 24/7 thing for him like it is for me). The world would see him as a threat. I'm not blind; he's privileged in other ways, people take him more seriously than me, he doesn't experience the racism I do bc he's white, and as a man who can handle himself, he doesn't have to worry about travelling alone at night like I do. But people are people, and everyone needs a helping hand sometimes.

I frequent the agoraphobia subreddit, and it's a very positive place, but given that most of us there are women, I wonder how many men are suffering alone. I wonder how many agoraphobic and anxious men are falling down the 4chan rabbit hole, because nobody else listens. When I tell people I'm an agoraphobe, they feel empathetic towards me. I've never been called a shut in or a neckbeard. Listen to your self preservation instinct, I would never ask anyone not to, but if you can do something to make someone's life slightly better, go for it.