#i will never move on from this i fear
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Mike Faist as ART DONALDSON CHALLENGERS 2024, dir. Luca Guadagnino
#i will never move on from this i fear#artdonaldsonedit#adonaldsonedit#mikefaistedit#mfaistedit#challengersedit#filmedit#movieedit#art donaldson#mike faist#challengers#challengers movie#challengers 2024#mine*gif
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I don't want to regret the way I lived
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#fanart#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#yuji itadori#gojo satoru#nobara kugisaki#nanami kento#choso kamo#junpei yoshino#jjk leaks#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#this idea started as a 2 part series . then my braincells decided to spark and supplied 7 PAGES#'did you sleep hina' no#ws looking up mentally stable things like 'who has died in jjk' smh i love my hyperfixation media im sooooo glad so many ppl r DEAD#i *could* have included more ppl but i think this is a good crew. this is a yuuji emotional support crew#also Was gna include his grandpa final panel but i Did Not Want To#he is implied through th dialogue#side note i donot like how i cn see this scenario playing out . ..yuuji this isnt ur stop u r monopoly voice Just Visiting ok >:(#anyway I broke my own heart with this and ik i hyped it up a lot but i hope that its not just me...#hope i did not hype it up fr nothing and no one else finds it devastating :((((( that would b humbling in the worst way#pls ...join the happy party train.......i hate it here i suffered pls :<<<<#also !!!! colours in this !! i cooked i fear . adding th first bit of warm hitting yuuji's face after th first 2 panels....#ive never had that kind of experience while drawing before it was wild . painful ! but wild.#the whole transition from p 2->3 might b the most emotionally moving piece ive ever made to me#not 2 sing my own praises tho i will shut up ! i wil. nap
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Breaking Bread, and Spilling Soup [Bonus art]
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#jiang yanli#jin zixuan#The amount of times I had to double check my spelling for Jin Zixuan...#Why does he have to have a cousin who's name is just one letter off...why...#I originally wrote out WWX asking for an update on his sister more explicitly - however even the Audio Drama has LWJ pick up#on the fact WWX wants to hear news about how JYL is doing. Though I'm certain he knows how much it will sting.#This might be official somewhere - but I personally believe that LWJ made the stop in Yiling to run into WWX to share the news.#Three days feels like a remarkable short time to tell someone about a wedding...though I imagine this wasn't LWJ's first attempt.#Maybe he delayed because he felt like it was not his news to share. Maybe he tried for weeks to find him.#Regardless...ouchie! A fun reminder that Jiang Yanli still means a lot to WWX even if he did cut ties with Yunmeng Jiang.#How many stabs to the heart did this feel like? To not be invited at all? To know she's marrying someone you fear will treat her poorly?#To know that the world and people you left behind haven't stayed stagnent. That they are moving on and moving away from you?#It never feels good to be left behind. Even when we burn the bridges with our own hands.
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y'all ever think abt how it was julie having the affair and it is even said multiple times that she was the one who left him, yet wilson was still the one who left their home and moved in with house. like. he couldn't bear to stay in their home alone. he immediately ran to house and stayed on his couch for weeks. suffered through his pranks and his laziness and his manipulation. telling him he wants him gone while sabotaging his attempts to leave. and he only left once he got a girlfriend again.
#chyanne speaks#house md#hilson#hate crimes md#gregory house#james wilson#i think his inability to be alone is such an interesting quality of his that isnt touched on enough#like yes we all haha at his long string of unsuccessful relationships but we dont talk abt it all stemming from his inability to be alone#his first wife leaves him and then he remarried quickly#he cheats on the second wife and remarries quickly#the third wife cheats on him and leaves him and he immediately moves in with house#and then starts dating a patient and immediately moves in with her#but!!! then he moves into the hotel and is alone for like almost a year! and honestly he NEEDED IT#bc GROWTH happened in that year and he meets someone who doesn't fit his M.O. who breaks away from the mold#although he does immediately move in with her too but still. amber was different. she was the step in the right direction#and then she dies.#and then wilson throws himself into the left field. everything needs to change. he's spent so long fearing being alone.#so he tries to leave so he is completely and totally alone without house to fall back on#but house needs him. he needs him too much. they need each other too much.#and he falls back to house again. and he's content that way. he's always the most content when he's with house. always feels the least alone#and then sam comes back into his life and ruins e v e r y t h i n g#he falls right back onto those old patterns. kicks house out and moves her in. and then what happens??? of course??? she leaves him. again.#and then he's alone again and it hurts. he gets a cat that we only hear about twice and then never gets brought up again#but wilson has his kitty. he has house. he's not alone. he can be content.#and then house fucks everything up. he goes to prison. wilson is alone again.#im honestly SHOCKED that wilson didnt remarry in that year they were apart but he was rly trying to change!#he was working on himself and trying to make changed he thought would be good for him#and then house comes back. and house won't LET wilson be alone. he wont leave him alone.#and it's exactly what wilson has been yearning for since the day he drove that car into cuddys house#and in the end. as long as he had house that was all that mattered. as long as he had house he wasn't alone.
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The Wings baseball cap. The pictures on the living room wall. I’m throwing up
#he’s never moved on from anything I fear#mine#paul mccartney#the beatles#john lennon#george harrison#ringo starr#classic rock#beatles#richard starkey
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now playing: เรา by selina and sirinya
#only friends the series#ofts#first kanaphan#khaotung thanawat#raysand#sandray#thai drama#thaidramaedit#asianlgbtqdramas#dailyasiandramas#gifs*#they really invented romance......#i fear im never moving on from them
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Real talk, I hope Nic and Luke are ok.. only just saw how much Netflix and Bridgerton socials are being flooded with complaints. Yes I have my opinions, but they did incredibly with what they were given.
#tbh no ones blaming them - more the showrunner#which i hope isnt reading this stuff too - its too much - she is human#the petitions are doing crazy numbers too#im so upset this is the outcome of the totalled season#part 1 was incredibl#then maybe the pr between both parts created hype that was never gonna be matched#i know nicolas online a lot - i hope she just moves on#this isnt on her#but yes - the show has been messed with from all sides#i fear the show won't survive as long as I'd hoped if things don't change#polin#bridgerton#nicola coughlan#luke newton#lukola
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Fluent Freshman - Part 44
PREV
The flight up to New York is a pleasant one.
The time in the airport itself had been less pleasant. Matt, as it turns out, is a firm believer in arriving with just enough time to check a bag, get through security, and get to the gate. He had claimed up, down, left, and right that he had it down to a science.
No matter how many times Smith had wondered about the scientific rigor of this 'science' he still kept it to himself. There was no need for Smith to voice his uncertainty with this plan because Kevin well and truly had it covered.
"You're giving us only an hour to check bags, get through security, and get to our gate?!" Kevin demands.
"Kevin, if you wanted to be there earlier then you could have asked Andrew to give yo a ride." Matt says. "We'll be fine."
"You know what Neil and Andrew get like when they have a long roadtrip ahead of them." Kevin argues.
"All lovey-dovey?" Nicky asks as Aaron makes a gagging sound.
"No, well yes, but no they always stop and buy all of the worst food too." Kevin reminds. "I'm just concerned about us missing our flight! We have barely enough time!" Kevin huffs crossing his arms.
"You're wrong anyways." Aaron says idly as he continues to text with Katelyn.
"How am I wrong?!" Kevin demands.
"We also have to park within that hour that Matt has left us with." Aaron says looking up from his phone.
"Matt!" Kevin squawks.
"It'll be fine." Matt reassures for the 2nd time.
"We all have checked bags!" Kevin exclaims, "What if we miss our flight?!" he wails.
"It'll be fine!" Matt repeats.
"No it won't!" Kevin exclaims.
---
It was fine.
The only real delays they met were at security.
Smith prided himself on being efficient in the security line. He has his watch off, his phone and ID secured in a zipped jacket pocket, his backpack and electronics in separate trays, and his shoes ready to be slipped off.
So he was shamed to have been the cause of the first delay when the TSA agent wouldn't wave Smith through the metal detector since she didn't realize he was there. That had been a whole anxiety attack and a half as the line had formed up behind him all wondering what the hold-up was.
Finally she seemed to startle as she realized that Smith had been standing there waiting and waved him through.
The other delay was that Kevin got patted down after he had forgotten to empty his 'emergency' water bottle.
It was probably for the best that they didn't have to be in the airport for that long. Every announcement that it was very important to not leave your bag unattended made him worry that with every blink somehow someone had slipped a bomb into his backpack.
While it was on his back.
As he was running with the rest of his friends to their gate.
"It just had to be the gate on the other end of the terminal." Aaron huffs.
"It would have been 100% perfect if someone hadn't left their water bottle in their bag despite the, let me check, 3,820 signs that said remove all liquids from your carry-ons!" Matt says as they continues to run.
"I said I forgot!" Kevin yells back from his spot at the front of the pack. Smith was under the distinct impression that Kevin was keeping pace with them since he had seen the Striker move much faster on the court and during warm-ups.
"We could have forgiven that!" Nicky pants, "Why did you have to slam the whole thing to prove that it was 'just water'?" he asks.
"Because I wanted to prove I wasn't a national security threat!" Kevin says. "I'll be going to the Olympics in a couple years and I can't have that on my record." he continues as he rounds a corner.
"What record?!" Smith asks suddenly worried that there was a record.
"Smithy, there's no record Kevin's just an idiot. An idiot who got patted down, tested for explosives, and had his carry-on searched." Nicky huffs.
"You don't know that there's not a record! The record everything nowadays!" Kevin huffs and their gate is in sight.
"Kevin, just shut up!" Aaron exclaims as they reach the line for their flight.
"Wait why aren't any of you getting shitty with Smiths?!" Kevin asks.
"His delay was like a minute and more importantly NOT HIS FAULT!" Nicky defends.
"He should have just walked through!" Kevin argues.
"Oh it's fine if he gets a record but not you?!" Aaron asks.
"So there is a record?!" Smith asks again.
They reach the line and the largely empty area around their gate is more than enough evidence that this was the final boarding. Smith breathed a sigh of relief as he took his place in line behind Nicky.
"The lines pretty slow, I'm going to go get a water." Kevin says and before any of them can say anything he is off towards a busy looking Newsweek store.
"I cannot believe him." Aaron huffs.
"All that water he just drank and is about to drink? He has lost window seat privileges." Matt pants wiping sweat from his brow.
"Agreed." Nicky says.
Smith laughed between panting breaths. His stomach hurt a bit from the stress of running but it was fine.
They get on the plane without Kevin and head to their seats. Most of the overhead storage is taken up at this point but Smith slides his bag under the middle seat in front of him after Matt
In the end, Kevin barely made it onto the plane in time since he got caught up in deciding on water. "You're in my seat." Kevin says as the only man not yet seated.
"I am not about to spend this flight getting up every 2 minutes because you have to pee." Matt says, "Abby didn't used to need to take all those pitstops when we're on the bus." Matt adds.
"I hate the aisle, the cart could hit my legs." Kevin argues.
"Then you can sit in the middle if Smith's willing to move." Matt says.
"You can have the middle Kevin." Smith offers actually preferring the aisle seat since then he doesn't have to ask anyone to move for him.
"I hate the middle seat, there is no room." Kevin crosses his arms.
"Smith is like only 3 inches shorter than you and he's not complaining." Matt continues.
"It's an important 3 inches."
"I bet it is."
"Nicky, are you serious?"
"What?!"
"There is an uninvolved member of the public, right there."
"He's wearing headphones it's fine!"
---
It's fine.
Eventually Kevin takes the middle seat if for no other reason than Matt stubbornly pretends to go to sleep but absolutely does not want the aisle seat either.
Smith gives it up and ends up with his own preferred seat while Kevin pointedly takes both of the arm rests, as is his right. The plane ride progresses smoothly from there. Smith has always liked flying. There is always a sense that the second that he gets onto the plane and the door closes he has absolutely zero control over what happens afterwards.
That is a nice comfort.
He pays attention to the safety briefing, finds his nearest exit, and that he should secure the bag over his own face before securing it on Kevin's.
He puts his headphones on and tries not to think about the anxiety of meeting the 'girls'.
He has heard much about the 'girls'.
Allison Reynolds. Allison was someone who's legacy existed even outside of the team. Smith didn't know much about fashion but a Reynolds bet remained a solid practice within Palmetto. She was, undeniably, absolutely gorgeous and if Kevin was to be believed 'kind of a bitch'. Nicky had swatted his arm but had said that it was not entirely inaccurate but like 'in the best way'.
Dan Wilds. He met Dan. Dan was nice. Also, if Matt was to be believed, the best human to ever walk the planet earth. The reason the sun rose in the east and set in the west. The gravitational pull that held the universe together. If Andrew is to be believed, she's fine.
Renee Walker. Renee was the one who taught Andrew how to use knives. His friend has talked warmly of her, in the way that Andrew talks warmly about anyone which is mentioning them at all. She was the one that Smith was the most anxious about meeting.
Kevin turns his nose up at the ginger ale that Smith gets but he's allowed these now per his actual doctors orders.
1 hour left until arriving at JFK.
He hopes this ginger ale is enough to calm his stomach since he's still not allowed Pepto.
MASTERPOST FOR ALL PARTS OF FLUENT FRESHMAN AU
NEXT
#Fluent Freshman AU#Oh boy it feels nice to write this again#If I were to name this chapter something else it would be 'Smiths on a Plane'#MAN IT'S BEEN A MONTH#Moved#got my place painted#got new appliances because my old ones were older than me#Developed a life long hatred for whoever designed the barstools I bought from WayFair#It was not just what I needed#Anyway we're back#Smith's on a plane#About to meet the GIRLS#Kevin almost had to call Andreil to have them come back#There may have been some autographs given to the staff to be able to re-open the door for him.#He wanted mineral water and wanted to be selective on the minerals#I don't mean to write him like this but every time I write him he is like this#Matt is based on my sister in this regard with 'exact science' meanwhile I show up 4 hours early to a flight#Like no checked bag I'm TSA pre-checked#I have never missed a flight and I fear what i'd do if I did#Matt may be a bit of a Gomez for Dan but who can blame him#Next up Smith actually meets the girls#Fluent Freshman - 44#AFTG#AFTG OC#AFTG AU#Palmetto State Foxes#AFTG Fic
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"Damian shouldn't be Batman because he was told it's his birthright, so he doesn't deserve it"
...I mean, let's be real nobody is ever going to replace Bruce as Batman, DC will nuke their continuity before that happens so why do people keep asking who will replace him, but also, that is not quite true?
In some stories DAMIAN thinks he's entitled to the cowl, but except for two not main continuity stories by Tom Taylor where Bruce dies (DCeased and Batman One last day: Ra's al Ghul) I really don't recall Bruce ever saying to Damian that he wants or expects him to be Batman after him. Either because he believes he will doom them all (Morrison run), expects him to be a hero who knows how to take care of the stuff Bruce will leave to him, but never says he wants him to be Batman (Batman and Robin 2011), created a cloning machine so nobody but Bruce will need to be Batman (Snyder's Batman run) or because he pretty much forgot/ignored Damian existence (pretty much everything between 2018 and 2021).
And Ra's and (modern, not classic) Talia wanting him to be Batman makes little sense either because they want an heir for the league of assassins to take over because the lazarus pits might stop working for Ra's. Batman is mostly focused on Gotham, their plans are about the world. It wasn't their goal to raise the next protector of Gotham.
In Pre New 52 and then in New 52 continuity Damian wasn't even told who his father was until he was ten.
Thinking he should become the next Batman was Damian's own idea.
#in Batman and Robin 2011 Talia even says to little Damian that he's so much more than the bat when he finds a cowl and cape Bruce left there#...also Bruce just left his cowl and cape there#anyway#even in the Morrison run she at first apparently only wants to serve for him as a distraction and then for Bruce to train him I guess#and then he gets lost in time#I will never not be confused because we actually learned how Damian even moved in with his father#Morrison...explain basic things instead of writing high concepts your I fear might be high on drugs mind came up with#whatever#where did people get the idea from that Damian was told they want him to be Batman after Bruce#there is a difference between Damian thinking it's his birthright to be Batman and other people telling him it's his birthright#damian wayne#talia al ghul#bruce wayne#*never learned
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I had a shrink appointment today and while I could not see it I knew my doc was going through the five stages of grief while I explained my fool proof strategy for doing my t shots despite a crippling fear of needles: By abusing my vastly more crippling fear of being an inconvenience.
My mother and I play phasmophobia together every week. she usually has a pretty limited time to do this bc she's like. a doctor and a college professor whos always busy. So I asked her to just. hold me to doing them. We don't start playing until the shot is done. so my needle fear doesn't matter because now it's Wasting™ her time and I have to do it quick. Using one neurosis to defeat another.
It's a horrible coping mechanism because it's feeding the inconvenience fear, but it is definitionally a coping mechanism.
#im a 'has a panic attack during every injection or iv theyve ever gotten' type of scared of needles#no it genuinely has nothing to do with pain the needle itself is the fear not the using of it#like i told this story before but i have these sewing pins with lil bow ties on them and i had to get my dad to take all the blue ones out#because they were triggering the same part of my brain iv needles do#just the sight of them with the rest of my cute sewing pins was a problem#And the fear of being an inconvenience is so bad i cant eat around people or be in crowded spaces or talk at get togethers#without being paralyzed by fear of Being In The Way. its so bad ive been avoiding using my power chair bc it makes me take up#slightly more space than i would just standing. and i never took my manual out and about because i moved too slowly in it#and i dont take my crutches on planes despite using them everyday bc they cant fold up like my cane can and so are In The Way#one of the big reasons i dont use the chairs in stores is they have back up alarms. and i hate making noises in public#Yes this is part of the reason i want a Rottweiler for my service dog because i want people to look at the doggie Not Me.#I like people! i like being friendly and talking and making little connections with strangers!!! But i cant be the one to initiate or#be In The Way of a peaceful moment#dont look at me#this is also a big issue i have with making friends or changing the nature of a relationship because like. im autistic#I have Rules for social interactions memorized that i will follow. but moving people from one category to another#is difficult. It is too the point i had problems for litteral years talking to my boyfriend as though#he was a person i knew well and cared deeply for because i kept using the 'rando guy im flirting with on the Internet' script#I have commissioners i want to be friendlier with but my brain says No Stop that is an Impolite and Overly informal way to talk to#a customer™ despite them not being customers when they arnt in the commission process#im like thise huskies who are scared of carpet because its Different than the floor they're currently standing on#its Too different:(#and to be clear i am Completely aware of how none of this makes logical sense and is in fact deeply self destructive#That does not fix it. it is so ingrained in my head that im certain i could convince my brain to let me bite off my own fingers#before i could convince it to let me talk to someone at a help desk or ask my order be corrected at a restaurant
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'I flirted with the idea that instead of being trans that I was just a cross-dresser (a quirk, I thought, that could be quietly folded into an otherwise average life) and that my dysphoria was sexual in nature, and sexual only. And if my feelings were only sexual, then, I wondered, perhaps I wasn’t actually trans.
I had read about a book called The Man Who Would Be Queen, by a Northwestern University professor who believed that transwomen who were attracted to women were really confused fetishists, they wanted to be women to satisfy an autogynephilia. And though I first read about this book in the context of its debunkment and disparagement, I thought about the electricity of slipping on those tights, zipping up those boots, and a stream of guilt followed. Maybe this professor was right, and maybe I was only a fetishist. Not trans, just a misguided boy.
About a year later, on the Internet, I come across a transwoman who added a unique message to the crowd refuting this professor. Oh, I wish I remember who this woman was, and I wish even more that I could do better than paraphrase her, but I remember her saying something like this: “Well, of course I feel sexy putting on women’s clothing and having a woman’s body. If you feel comfortable in your body for the first time, won’t that probably mean it’ll be the first time you feel comfortable, too, with delighting in your body as a sexual thing?”'
-Casey Plett, Consciousness
#this quote always moves me almost to tears when i remember it#i'm not a trans woman and i don't share the author's specific experiences with transition#but it really moves me that she frame transition as joyfully giving yourself permission to approach your body#not as something that has to be disciplined and deprived and made small in all these various ways#but as a means for experiencing pleasure and joy and delight and for insisting that our feelings and desires are worth#valuing and exploring and treasuring#i always used to think of prioritizing those things for myself as selfish and irresponsible#but who does it harm to want to experience pleasure in your own body?#it's such a beautifully simple and powerful switch to have flip in your head#and equally why are we forced to deny our own pleasure in transition and anything else related to our bodies in the name of moral rectitude#this is why i get so confused and pissed off when other trans people are fatphobic for example#like why are you so invested in politics of shame and disgust that never had any purpose other than#violently disciplining people as if they've violated moral codes by existing in a body#to say nothing of white people being racist in gay and trans communities#like again this system of violence is foundational to homophobia and transphobia#so why are you acting like it has nothing to do with you#even if you are unmoved by the urgency of other people's suffering which btw you should be moved by#what do you hope to gain by acting a collaborator and handmaiden to those systems#Casey Plett#she really is one of my favorite authors i wish more non-canadians read her#this quote is from a series of columns she did ont transition and every single one is a banger#i love when she talks about the people-pleasing elements of dysphoria and transition denial#she's so sharp about noting how many of us deny our own dysphoria on the grounds that others like and validate our bodies#that's how i always felt during my cis conventionally feminine era#it pleased other people so much and also that reception felt so hollow and joyless to me because i hated it#i get less of that positive feedback but that feels so unimportant next to the joy and pleasure i get to experience#said with the understanding that i'm very privileged in being able to prioritize those things without fear. but it was a switch flip#personal nonsense
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Yeah I'm not done Veilsposting actually. Woops. Anyways, the longer I think about it, the more its bounty has a very clear class implication that goes along with Veils' desire to not so much have a rival, as have a victim who draws out the killing. 4 billion Echoes. Think about who would go for that. A bounty like that, a share big enough to fund your life many times over and ridiculous enough to be a warning in itself, is going to pull out the overconfident, the overly curious, and the desperate. The type of people baited into hunting Veils would end up being: 1. Rich hunters armed to the teeth looking for glory, 2. The odd curious Neathy newcomer who's about to get way in over their head, and 3. Anyone too desperate to turn down a chance at the money, even if they know the chance is low if anything.
The first kind it could be flashy about dismantling, and prideful in its ability to overcome a well-funded arsenal. The last two kinds of people will be afraid. Openly, miserably, viscerally afraid. It enjoys that. There's a reason it takes its good sweet time actually showing up to try and kill the PC in the late stages of BaL, even though it can travel through Parabola and definitely has the resources to just have them assassinated at a distance if it really came down to it. It wanted desperate people to come to it, and it wanted them to jump through the ridiculous side-quest hoops the Scarred Naturalist set out, and it wanted them to show up and be afraid, for its own entertainment. For a chance at prize money they never had a shot at getting.
What I'm saying is modern-day Veils would fund those humiliating game shows.
#peligin speaks#Bag a Legend#Hallowrove was the second type of person - their curiosity has always what gets them in Deep Shit for better or for worse#they came and were afraid but then they lived. which Veils found infuriating#and then they continued to live. And continued to act even though they were afraid#moving instead of cowering. being helped and gaining momentum.#doing nothing anyone else couldn't have done except that no one else DID do it and they did. they just kept going#I can just imagine Veils being furious#that this nobody would get this far instead of dying as fear fuel#but also the little spark of excitement that they did; that they'd be a longer meal than expected#because it was still so sure they would fall#anyways. I didn't expect to come away from this post with ''Veils would be Mr Be@st'' but here we are#I mean. he's just another Mr shdhds#okay but in seriousness the dynamic of making the poor do a song and dance for an amount of money that would save them if they ever got it#which they never will#is so gross and not something I'd ever thought of for BaL before but it's definitely there#the Khan of Silks is bored. die screaming for its sport or don't bother showing up
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here together
#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#lobotomy corp spoilers#lobotomy corporation spoilers#abram lobcorp#i didnt know that the song that plays during day 48 ending is called 'here together'.#couldnt hear it well because i typically have my sound low (sensetive to louder sounds) and also the dialog fucked me up#so when i pressed on it to hear it. to actually listen to it. then to see the name and remember what it Looked like#i got teary eyed. sorry.#it happened quite. afew times when finishing this shitty thing#i was thinking of how camren's not quite corpse looked as if it were reaching out to him inside the container#how it looked as if she had wings. abrams words. the line from one story that was--#something like 'we were hoping it was just one big prank and she would hop out fro. around the corner with a smile on her face'#how do you move forward when all you think you cause is pain? when everything else youve done only brought to bring people you love to thei#downfall and demise inside agony and fear as they lay dying. none of that was merciful. none of that was just. they were told to carry on#her dream and he views as if all he had done was to become cruel and wasnt fit and never even began to finish what she started.#it was so striking to me. the language he used. sleeping. alseep. waken. when all the others never sugarcoated it#in lobcorp they always said it straight. 'suicide' 'killed' 'dead'. but he used something far more.. peaceful? kind in wording in a way.#softer. describing death as if it were a merciful thing. an end that suits them and not something to be afraid of. to just... sink. to slee#to be with carmen again. to put everything to an end#the place they built with their hands. to have it just... stop. not in a way of repeating and staying in the moment#but of a permanent end. to 'sleep'. to die. to just.... stop. forever. to see no more. to do no more#to not be able to do Anything for when ever he had done Something it just cause agony. cruel hands partaking in acts he so deeply#regrets. everything is just regret. it sounds nice. to move on. to just move forward. but how can you move forward when all you think you#bring to those you cherished and couldnt leave behind is pain?#ill likely move this somewhere else as well. ive been meaning to talk about abram#the rest as well actually. mostly just the few final days w abel adam and abram since i am STUCK ON DAY 49#oh dear i uh typed a lot in the tags. oops
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natlan 5.1 was batshit insane but i won't deny cookery when i see it. last 1/3 of the archon quest is just brilliantly done in my opinion, from writing to level design to soundtrack. just genuine excellence
#sev.screams#natlan#the character centric parts were rather weak to me#ororon has an intriguing arc but i don't care enough about him to care about the arc#similarly i only felt a surface level investment with a lot of the other main cast; though funnily enough excluding citlali#she's a breath of fresh air amongst the cast and i really enjoyed her screentime#there are a lot of story decisions in this quest that i'm impressed and glad hoyo decided to take; it adds a layer of realism to natlan tha#was missing in inazuma and ultimately i believe was the reason inazuma flopped as a nation#there is real tangible weight in the things that happen in natlan; i felt moved by the story and i think that's the hallmark of a good stor#i hope in the next archon quest they don't undo or undermine these decisions in any way. they truly contributed so much to the overall tone#of the story that to remove them would be like taking the legs out from underneath it#writing aside the environmental storytelling and level design also contributed so much to crafting the atmosphere of this quest#it felt gut wrenching in a way inazuma never did. for even the briefest moment these npcs were people and you were watching them struggle#a poignant beautiful desperate struggle that i think is so incredibly human and both moving and heartbreaking to witness#also helped by the exquisite ost. hoyomix has certainly not lost their touch even with yu peng chen gone#despair hope triumph relief; all captured so wonderfully in a score i know i will be listening to for the next few weeks once it drops#i'm rambling so much but. i liked this a lot and i can only hope hoyo sticks the landing on this one#i hate having high expectations but i can't help it for this one i fear
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not an ask, but I saw ur post and relate a lot to it.
anticipatory grief sucks. people will tell you not to think about it, not to let it steal from today, but some days are just so hard. sometimes it feels unavoidable, like it’s some goliath mountain in the distance or even the sky and you can’t not look at it. it’s like you have to keep trying to distract yourself not to think about it, and it’s exhausting, and you’re so fucking scared of the inevitable.
like how does anyone even function? the idea of the world continuing to spin when there’s this terrible, horrible thing that will happen some day is unfathomable but it does, and it’s horrible. Some day will mark the before and the after. nobody can ever be ready for it.
I hope the love you have keeps you strong. wishing you the best.
this is literally it. i know thinking about it Now wont make the actual day it happens any easier. but it's impossible to not think about it, especially since there's no tangible way to preserve memories or feelings or the like forever. i cry easily and get emotional over most anything and everything, which is another layer of difficulty wrt it because I spiral. I want to squeeze out of my body. im not meant for any of it
#skunk mail#Anonymous#ill be in a car with my dad fighting tears thinking about how ill miss it one day and there's no way for my brain to capture the moment and#make a simulation of it. and even then that wouldnt help. ykwim#sometimes i sit in my parents room while my parents and brother are there and i cant stop thinking about when ill see them for the last tim#and how i wish i could full really truly wring every last drop of ''appreciation'' from the moment.#i think about that time isnt linear thing. how everything that has happened or will happen exists on its own#and i think about the cheye experiencing the After tragedy. and i cant handle it. not now or then. i envy the past cheye#even the one of 5 seconds ago. because that was 5 seconds ive lost. 5 seconds closer to events that will#separate my life into Before and After. over and over again#(like you said anon. i think abt that all the time too)#i think this is also why im struggling with the thought of moving out#we all have so little time. dont even get me started on the fear and grief i feel for my own life#not only fearing dying but fearing the lead up where ive lost and cried over much. just me. alone.#ill never see them again. it will never be today again. we'll never be in my parents room like today again. i cant take it.#even if i spend every last second with everybody i still wont be able to take it. i cant believe it#human beings that were all somebody's baby once. tomorrow it will be like they were never here at all. all their memories#go with them. it hurts so bad. i cant take it#i cant even breathe rn ruminating abt it *peace sign emoji*
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i actually love thinking about preS4 vinerva and how their relationship deteriorates throughout the season and how it relates to the clemvi romance and just violets character in general but unfortunately some people cant be normal about them so instead i just gotta keep it to myself
#childhood friendship to romance with a tragic ending thats about accepting new love like i just think thats fun and interesting#the whole point is violet moving on from minerva!!! which is why her bad route is about wrongly putting her faith back into minnie#and goes BLIND!! do you Get It??#(which she later apologizes to clem about recognizing she reacted poorly. and clem accepts her apology and admits her own blame in it)#but no. “violet never got over minnie” and minnie being an evil demon as far as the eye can see#maybe theyre actually both complex and layered characters who have been through traumatizing events that made them act accordingly 😱#no... that cant possibly be it... they must just be evil teenage girls...#violet ever loving minnie at all is treated like a crime by some people god forbid she struggle with those feelings 🙄#every time i post art of the 3 of them i get at Least one person saying Some Shit 😑 and its really annoying#heard my clemviminnie pride art got reposted to reddit. Fear.#and when i went to find it i saw vi lost to ben in the 2nd round of a “best written character” poll. and i knew i could never go back there#twdg#it speaks
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