sometimes i want to reach through the screen and shake sabo by the shoulders because. god. there's just so much going on with him.
he's first introduced through the veil of luffy's memories- here he's just another feral jungle kid, sticking it out with ace and luffy, the 'nicer' brother in young luffy's eyes. and then boom. you find out he's a runaway noble trying to escape his abusive, neglectful family- and this changes nothing, they still get to become sworn brothers, but just as quickly as this is resolved, his asshole of a dad takes the three of them hostage. and what does sabo do? he gives up the little sliver of freedom he'd fought for, is willing to become miserable and lonely again if it means ace and luffy are spared. and then he comes home to find that in his absence, his parents have already found a replacement! great!
and he doesn't even get to address how fucked up that is, because stelly runs his mouth and now sabo's too busy trying to figure out how to stop his brothers and their home from getting burnt to the ground. he never gets to give them a proper goodbye- he exhausts himself trying to reach them, but he can't because. you know. he's ten. so where does this leave sabo? ten years old, with nowhere to go- he sets out to sea to try and start over, and for the crime of wanting to escape a terrible life, he's punished with an explosion to the face. he loses his memories, his brothers lose him- and so the cycle continues.
then the army saves him, takes him in; he's essentially a child soldier, with how prodigious of a fighter he is from the get-go. but hey, he thinks he's finally found his footing, even if his past's a blur to him- then it all comes flooding back. in the worst way possible. he sees his brother's corpse and he remembers, but it doesn't matter, does it? he's too late, ace is gone, and sabo's lost ten years of a life he could have shared with his brothers. we don't even know how (if, even) he recovers from this- except for a single passing statement from koala, asking him if he's 'had that dream again' because he'd been crying in his sleep. this is never brought up or addressed again. great!plus, we never do find out if getting blown up at the ripe old age of ten could have left any lasting fire-related trauma; and if it does, what does that mean for sabo, who's pretty much made of it, now?
both of these questions are answered at once- sabo treats the fire as if it's ace. it's ace's legacy he's carrying on, and it's ace he seeks freedom for. he copes by making sure ace lives on in his flames, and how can he ever hate the fire living in him if that fire is all he has left of the brother he never got to see again?
i just have to wonder about him, because he's got so many Issues that just. don't ever get addressed? every time we see him deal with his grief (episode of sabo, his own retelling of events in dressrosa) we never really discover anything about him. i wonder how it felt to finally remember the childhood that eluded him, just to find out he was an unwanted, replacable child. how he feels, living with the knowledge that he could have done something to save ace, that he'd failed to remember the two people he loved the most? i wonder just how terribly that guilt must weigh down on him- because where luffy's already begun to heal, sabo still sees ace in everything he does. his title of flame emperor is a direct callback to ace's final attack in his fight against blackbeard. he talks to his goddamn fire like his brother is still in front of him, which is sweet and heartbreaking and, considering his backlog of unaddressed trauma... incredibly unhealthy. i know these will probably be left unresolved for the sake of moving the story forward- but god, sabo, are you okay?
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happiness and acceptance, old grief, fear, vulnerability and the need to belong; episode 7 recap
oh, wow. this episode is so bittersweet. it's so beautiful and pretty and kind and gentle, but so realistic and painful and jarring and quiet.
i think by far, this is one of my favourite episodes. it's such a surprise to me—i think we're finally seeing and hearing and experiencing jiang tian's inner voice for the first time—upfront. it's no longer hiding away with the shadow under his feet. it's evident. but still so very shy and afraid. but it's there. and it's waiting for the right time to come out.
i have to say, this episode makes me realise that trauma runs deep and long and everlasting. i don't think it could ever go away. and I see that in jiang tian. i see how that trauma has shaped him to be who he is—so closed-off and fragile and fearful—but still so gentle and loving and appreciative and attentive.
there's something in the way benjamin is as an actor—i can't compliment him enough. it's difficult to pull off these intricate yet believable facial expressions without being cringey or over-the-top. but he did everything with poise and grace and so much attention to detail that I'm just in utter shock and awe.
happiness and acceptance
something about this sequence... i can't really put my thoughts into words. but the way jiang tian's face morphs from happiness to awe to acceptance? probably, a thought crosses his mind; I'm happy now. finally, I'm happy with someone who makes me the happiest.
the smile he wears when he's looking at sheng wang is of gratitude. and relief. and it's so bittersweet to me how it took him 16/17 years to finally have a morsel of this happiness. he truly deserves this and more :(
old grief
honestly... would anyone ever believe that these pictures come after those stills mentioned before? i wouldn't. because how on earth did the sparkle in jiang tian's eyes disappear—and how did the old gloom of grief suddenly became too blinding? (benjamin tsang, THE actor you are.)
there's so much grief and unwanted old memories and the bitterness of remembering those recollections that were very haunting and hollowing and suffocating.
i can't even imagine the pain jiang tian went through as a child—to witness the infidelity of his father—to see his mother breaking her bones and wearing fake smiles just to make ends meet—to find refuge in a stray cat because finally, someone could understand him. could understand the loneliness. could feel the sadness coursing in his bloodstream. could feel everything he was feeling. and it's so heartbreaking.
fear
jiang tian's fear is so quiet. it's so distant. it's so elusive. but it's there. and it's growing. it has never stopped growing. even though jiang tian tried to push it away, it would still crawl back to him, like a second skin.
and it's daunting how there's a new fear unlocked in him; losing sheng wang. losing the shine. losing the happiness. losing the tranquillity sheng wang brings upon him. losing his light—his sun.
i think jiang tian was so scared of qi jiahao or di zhaitao hurting sheng wang again. because he didn't want sheng wang to experience that again—to fight alone—to be afraid alone.
but once jiang tian found sheng wang, the fear subsided. it's a relief. and it's the usual anger. but not the destructive kind. this time, it means i care. it means i'm so worried. it means don't ever do that again. it means don't ever leave me.
vulnerability
it's so mental to me how this episode finally brings forward jiang tian's feeling to the spotlight. we could see him slowly becoming more open, especially with sheng wang.
it hurts me so much when jiang tian could only look at sheng wang tying the bracelet around his wrist. he didn't say anything. he was just looking. because jiang tian didn't know what to say. he didn't know if words could ever describe how much this moment meant to him—how sheng wang meant to him.
so he could only watch. he has always been watching sheng wang from a distance. but this time, he could watch sheng wang from a distance close enough to be assured that sheng wang won't stray too far from his orbit. sheng wang would be there—here. and jiang tian would finally meet him halfway.
"suddenly i feel that you're about my age."
sheng wang was coming for my life when he said this. it felt like a sucker punch straight in the face. Lord.
it's so heartbreaking because i do understand the meaning behind sheng wang's comment. i guess, even to sheng wang, jiang tian felt like someone older—a brother, a father, a friend, a protector, a saviour.
it feels nice to hear sheng wang saying this to jiang tian. it's assuring too. somehow, it's a reminder to jiang tian that he's still young. he doesn't have to grow up before the right age. he doesn't have to be an adult between them. he doesn't have to carry the burden alone. jiang tian doesn't have to do all these alone. he has sheng wang now. they can be kids or grown-ups or whatever—together.
(my heart was twisting and turning in my chest when I watched this... and I ended up crying...)
a sense of belonging
these stills are enough to explain the depth of their budding relationship. the reliance. the trust. the love. so much love and respect and desire and need and greed to be each other's protectors.
sheng wang just said everything i hoped he said at one point in this story. and I'm so glad that his words were so true and honest and beautiful.
"for everything you did to me, i'll do the same for you. I'll be here, with and for you."
i adore how both of them are brave to take the next step together. and I like how sheng wang was the one suggesting this move-in. i think it's so important for his character because he has always been beating around the bush—he has always made jiang tian guess what he wanted. but this moment right here, he was being straightforward and resolute and firm.
move in with me. it'll be only us there. it'll be our own little world. it can be your world. and your world is my world.
and the way jiang tian was looking at sheng wang with so much hope and relief and happiness and gratitude............ i'm bawling :(((
final thoughts
i absolutely adore this episode because i feel like it's a reset for the second half of the series. it feels more intimate, in a sense that we're finally getting into jiang tian's backstory (that will definitely kill me in future episodes) and the beautiful transformation of their love story. it's so bittersweet and I can't help but sympathise with jiang tian and sheng wang.
i'm certain the next episodes won't be rainbows and sunshine, but it also won't be only rain clouds and thunderstorms. I'm just so, so glad that episode seven, the second portion of the drama, started off with something very vulnerable but honest and relatable. it reminds me of how we witnessed sheng wang's backstory in the first episode and the first chunk of the series.
i'm most definitely anticipating tomorrow's episode. i hope it won't make cry the way it did in this one.
(also, shout out to my best boy gao tianyang! don't worry, love. li jia will definitely fall for you <3)
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I have an idea for a sort of silly light novel writing project I'll probably never actually write but is fun to just think about
But like. Cultivator set up, wuxia world w a slight blending of different cultivation genres, a guy wakes up in a forest with amnesia. (Wow classic I know)
So the first few chapters he's hearing about all these big famous people who have gone missing over the years, right? And he (along with probably the reader) is like, "Heh. That could be me,,," (smugly)
But the names keep piling on, and he comes to a realization: important and unimportant cultivators alike go missing and lose their memories or whatever else at an alarming rate. He is not special. (Coughs up blood)
He probably runs into other amnesiacs more than once, and I'd have a running theme of like, he keeps bumping into main character coded characters just left and right. There's so much happening in this world, so many stories being told, he's really not special. But also he is bc hes our main character
But just like silly mostly self contained stories told from this guy just wandering around this absoloute cluster fuck of a world, often running head first into really interesting stories that are clearly like in the middle of a 5 arc novel their own
It'd probably gain a real central narrative along the way like all things inevitably do (the mystery of how he lost his memories and the fall out of what happens when he learns the truth) but for now I have fun just thinking ab his dumb adventures
As for the character himself, hes is like, obnoxiously laid back. SUPER chill, takes everything with a sigh and a smile, very lazy, takes a lot of shortcuts and goes "Ah but that's fine, right?" As everything explodes around him. If he's alive, then all is well in the world 👍
He'd cause so many problems just because and also probably have absolutely shit luck that gets him into even more problems (my favorite genre of character)
I also have like. A slowly but surley growing list of characters he'd run into like uhh [checks notes] evil lesbian mirror demon and the very angry woman she trapped in a mirror and stole the face and life of (the demon hate sex goes crazy).
And also ofc, "person trapped in a cycle of reincarnation with a curse that no matter how hard they try to be good, they will inevitably cause some great destruction or evil or plague of some kind." And just them very very desperately trying to be good even though they know it's futile
Yay!! Fun stuff
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