#i will never be good enough

[chiffonz]

TW VENT

i'm finally done boxing with Youssef 😃 boxing is fun but i feel like a stupid little girl boxing next to him :( i was so slow, he said i'm doing good but i don't want to be babied, i hate this, and in general i always just feel like the dumb girl, everyone else is so much more skilled at their passions, my bf has writing and boxing, my older sister has writing and drawing, my other sister has baking etc, they are all amazing at their passions, then there is me i have the passion but i just don't have the skill sometimes, i love writing, poetry, sewing and dolls but i'm not amazing at any of them :( i'm just sitting here with the passion but no skill, i'm a stupid bitch, i am horrible at everything, i mean maybe my friend was right, Youssef only wants me because i'm "hot" or whatever the fuck, i mean why else..? i have an annoying personality, i cry easily, i procrastinate, i got average grades, i'm bad at spelling, the only thing i'm good at is being a silent, pretty doll, as long as i shut up people like me, Youssef probably only wants me for my body right? i mean why else would he have told people i sucked him off before we even started dating, i'm just a piece of meat hm? I wanna cry, i'm going to go cry to Youssef and force him to tell me everything he loves about me :(((

and yes i know self loathing will get me nowhere but i hate this, i'm only complimented for my looks not my skills, no one ever tells me that they love the bag i sewed or the poem i wrote, i'm just the girl who is pretty but is that all?? i want to become disgustingly skilled in everything, i just want to be the best

i hate myself for being so stupid, i'm a dumb bitch tbh and it's ok i guess, but also i do NOT want any pity i'm just ranting lmaoaoao at the end of the day i'll be alright i mean i'm still decent at my passions ig

[emails-i-cant-send]

she is the #1 cause of The Thoughts

[t-lostinworlds]

so i've been learning how to draw/sketch & paint using watercolor lately, and if there's one thing i've learned about myself so far is that i am so goddamn impatient 😭

[ohbutwheresyourheart]

.

[inkskinned]

this is just my opinion but i think any good media needs obsession behind it. it needs passion, the kind of passion that's no longer "gentle scented candle" and is now "oh shit the house caught on fire". it needs a creator that's biting the floorboards and gnawing the story off their skin. creators are supposed to be wild animals. they are supposed to want to tell a story with the ferocity of eating a good stone fruit while standing over the sink. the same protective, strange instinct as being 7 and making mud potions in pink teacups: you gotta get weird with it.

good media needs unhinged, googling-at-midnight kind of energy. it needs "what kind of seams are invented on this planet" energy and "im just gonna trust the audience to roll with me about this" energy. it needs one person (at least) screaming into the void with so much drive and energy that it forces the story to be real.

sometimes people are baffled when fanfic has some stunning jaw-dropping tattoo-it-on-you lines. and i'm like - well, i don't go here, but that makes sense to me. of fucking course people who have this amount of passion are going to create something good. they moved from a place of genuine love and enjoyment.

so yeah, duh! saturday cartoons have banger lines. random street art is sometimes the most precious heart-wrenching shit you've ever seen. someone singing on tiktok ends up creating your next favorite song. youtubers are giving us 5 hours of carefully researched content. all of this is the impossible equation to latestage capitalism. like, you can't force something to be good. AI cannot make it good. no amount of focus-group testing or market research. what makes a story worth listening to is that someone cares so much about telling it - through dance, art, music, whatever it takes - that they are just a little unhinged about it.

one time my friend told me he stayed up all night researching how many ways there are to peel an orange. he wrote me a poem that made me cry on public transportation. the love came through it like pith, you know? the words all came apart in my hands. it tasted like breakfast.

[davidjordanphoenix]

I have to grieve the expectations I can't meet.

[cuddlesworks]

I feel like a kid begging for attention and validation everytime i post just screaming "look at me!! Please just look! Please love my art like i do! Please please please please!!"

But i never will get it

[t1nym4u5x2]

I'm trying so hard not to break downbut I would really love to kms right now

[mr-resilient]

Nothing will be good enough.

A flaw will be found and I rather not feel like shit for an issue that does not even exist.

[patchyourbrokenwings]

I'm constantly apologizing.. even when I'm alone.

[forthwtaintedsorrow]

i hate myself

[squidsmeister]

dungeon meshi is my favorite road-trip comedy film

[ozymandien]

chef with a silver earring

[loving-and-dreaming]

Ugh ignore me I just needed to get it out of my head

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

None of our hands are clean

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[bacchuschucklefuck]

truly this one's just for me. I can do what I want foreverrr