#i will likely be extending / elaborating more on this in the metas part of his gdoc tbh

[rcguish]

silver and his gyarados.

this relationship happened to be one of the more tumultuous ones amongst the metals team. the manner in which silver caught gyarados was innately disastrous, a thwarting attempt to the workings of team rocket forcing evolution via radio waves. subsequently, forcing the newly and unnaturally evolved gyarados to begin rampaging to the degree of causing severe inclement weather in the nearby area and town. silver and gold located the red and odd one out to be the source of amplification, possibly the alpha of the school, and silver had been successful in closing distance and capturing him.

they were both hurting and broken hearts that took that pain and hatred towards the world and made it their fuel to keep going. that want to rage, rage, and rage some more because surely that was the only thing there was to this life? only knowing destruction in the face of their wrath? a way to sort of say 'fuck the world,' seizing power at the first glimpse of it because that's the only way they thought they could change their lives.

and from that was where their interests became mutually aligned, motivation to fight from a place of deepset despair and to bring down those that had wronged them. gyarados had noticed silver's pain, and in a way he recognized his, even when he ignored his pokemon's hearts and thoughts to a detriment as a lost kid.

silver had a hard time in general in getting along with his pokemon in the beginning, a hard fought battle to recognize behaviors and change over the course of roughly seven to eight years. he'd only started having a perspective change when he'd found steven stone, and demanded a battle from him - only to end up losing miserably and him verbally confronting / making silver face the reality in which he forced his pokemon into. when steven had once reached into silver's heart, saw the deepest flaws and insecurities and spoke so matter-of-factly in brutal truths :

“ how in all the potential of this earth do you expect to accomplish anything when you very obviously do not give your team the gift of trust? " with the absolute lack of synergy you have, there's no way on this earth you even had half a chance of defeating me. even if your pokemon were all fully evolved, i still would have pummeled you. "

those words stuck with him until present day. a kindler of hatred when he was a kid and didn’t understand any better ; now borne as a reminder from whence he came.

since then, silver and his pokemon have truly contemplated and reflected on what it means to be a team.

and even further than that, when he was free from petrification and was able to still connect with feraligatr while in stasis -- it all points him down the road in that his pokemon were not merely a means to an end. when he was able to connect with them in this state between life and death, with feraligatr, and learn the ultimate move in a tangible trophy to their evolving bond.

when that had happened and the battle was over, he did end up seeking steven out again. there was progress still to be made, however much his mind started opening he did not put it into practice yet. and so silver turned to each and every single one of his pokemon after that, and made them a deep, heartfelt promise that he would do his best to let them help him. that he'd help them, rather than isolating himself physically and mentally. that he would see them as equals, rather than not-quite-tools.

and when he'd come to gyarados, they both stared for a long time at each other. a thousand things spoken in a mutual language only they seemed to understand, without any movement or any words. eventually, after a considerable amount of passing time with their stare, his pokemon grunted, closing mouth and eyes to bump silver in a newfound show of affection. he cried that night, for the first time in years ; wrapped arms around gyarados and profusely apologized until he'd calmed himself down enough to sleep.

and then, mega evolution had crossed his radar from green, blue, and steven.

it was a push. a push for him to finally settle what he thought he knew all for all these years, and learn a different way of existing. of thinking, and caring for, and working together. gyarados was able to mega evolve for the first time after he'd finally rested ungloved hands on red scales and renewed his promise to care for / work together / love.

they were able to master it as quickly as the ultimate move.

separate post on mega evolution + that journey will be written + linked here soon.

[suppose-i-was-worm]

Iceberg Siren pt 6

**Here we are, lovelies, almost to the penultimate chapter! Hope you like this one!**

“Cricket?”

Danny blinked his eyes open drowsily to look at his boyfriend.

“Hm?”

Jason was propped up on his elbow on the bed, facing Danny.

“You’ve got powers, you told me you do- why don’t you use them?”

Danny blinked again, processing the question for a moment before answering.

“I do use them, though.”

He could tell by the tilting of Jason’s head that his answer wasn’t sufficient, so he thought for a moment more before elaborating.

“My voice is part of it- I cheat a little as the Siren. A friend taught me how to use my voice for mild hypnotism.”

At the other man’s look of alarm, he backtracked.

“I don’t use it for anything bad! Just to make people like me more. I’ve never used it on you, I promise.”

Jason smiled at him and reached out, cupping Danny’s face with one hand.

“I wasn’t worrying about that- does anyone else know about this?”

Danny pressed his face into Jason’s warm palm after a shake of his head.

“No, not even my boss. I only told him about the other powers.”

“Like?”

“Enhanced strength, sensing similar energy, manipulating said energy to a point- nothing I use on a regular basis.”

Nodding slowly, Jason leaned down to capture Danny’s lips in a soft kiss.

“Thank you for telling me.”

His murmur was low against Danny’s lips, and Danny couldn’t help but kiss him again. No, that wasn’t guilt roiling in his gut like some many tentacled beast. He didn’t use his extended powers on a regular basis, and he wasn’t planning on it any time soon.

~~~

Duke was confused. Bruce had insisted that the entire family be at dinner- the first strange thing.

Second? Dick and Stephanie seemed to be conspiring with Tim. Tim, who looked more tired than usual (a true accomplishment) and in a foul mood. Damian looked mildly perturbed, and Cass was signing too quickly at Babs for Duke to translate.

They were all milling about in the main foyer, right up until Bruce walked down from his office.

“Thank you all for coming- Jason and his guest are pulling up in the drive. Please make your way to the dining room so we don’t scare them off too soon.”

Oh. This was about Jason’s boyfriend. Duke dutifully made his way to his seat in the dining room, but he watched the double doors closely even as the others filed in.

He heard Alfred open the main door and watched as Jason stepped through into the dining room, and then another man walked in, lighting up the room. Literally. Duke had to close his eyes and fish around in his pocket for his emergency sunglasses.

When he finally had them on, he found the whole family plus newcomer looking at him in concern.

“Dude, you’re like, super bright.”

The Boyfriend laughed self-consciously.

“Sorry about that, it’s in my blood.”

A meta, okay.

“I get that. Just don’t sit right across from me.”

Duke grinned to show he meant his statement as a joke, and Brighter Than The Fucking Sun grinned back.

Jason picked Tim up by his shoulders and put him in the seat across from Duke, and then sat down in Tim’s spot, leaving the spot across from Babs empty for his companion.

“Guys, this is Danny. Danny, these are the Waynes. None of us bite.”

Danny laughed and nudged Jason with his elbow like Jason had made a joke, and then the family dinner commenced.

For all that Duke would have to wear sunglasses around Danny, he seemed to fit in pretty well!

~~~

Dani floated above Robin’s head, her long dark ponytail dangling just barely tickling his nose.

The young vigilante’s brow was wrinkled, but otherwise he didn’t react to her messing with him. That was the best part about Robin, he was like Danny in that he just let Dani do what she pleased and didn’t react to anything.

“But Rob, I’m booooored.”

“No, Phantom, we cannot go out and look for your brother. That would require civilian gear, and I am not permitted to reveal my face.”

“But I can reveal mine, and then you can help me look! Superboy says you bats are good with computers, right? You could do like, an image search or something!”

“Genetically, unless you and your brother are identical twins, your face will not match his closely enough for an image search.”

Dani grimaced. She didn’t really want to reveal to anyone else that she was a clone, but she really missed her original.

“What name do you think he would be going by, Phantom?”

“Like I told Green Arrow, his name is my name too. If he’s out as a hero, he’s out as Phantom.”

“No other heroes under the name Phantom have been reported, Phantom.”

Dani sighed and flipped over, gravity taking hold and flipping even more of her ponytail in Robin’s face.

“I just can’t imagine why he hasn’t set up as a hero. I miss my brother, Rob.”

“I am sure he misses you as well. If you could give us a name, we would have more success in finding him.”

She shrugged and floated away, flipping over in the air and landing on her feet.

“If he’s here, he’ll hear me, and I don’t want to pull him away from whatever life he’s made for himself in this dimension. He deserves happiness, and me being around might come in the way of that.”

“But you miss him?”

“He’s the only person I have left from home.”

~~~

Bruce sat at the Watchtower computers with Diana and Clark, watching the numbers flash across the screen.

“So, this means that there’s something powerful on the way?”

Bruce nodded shortly at Diana, frowning beneath the cowl.

“Cyborg has reported that the energy fluctuations have been going on for several months now, and indicate a powerful individual either already in our dimension or on their way. We cannot let out guards down.”

“Has Justice League Dark spoken with the new Teen Titans member? She claimed to be from another dimension, is it her?”

“Clark, she’s a child. Despite the fact that she doesn’t like you, no- there is no evidence that she has the power level that this new possible threat contains.”

“She’s a child with unknown origins and suspicious opinions on clones.”

Diana smacked Clark across the back of the head so Bruce didn’t have to.

All three of them had met Phantom, and only Clark seemed to disapprove of the girl.

“She seems very fond of her teammates. I am firmly of the belief that she would not betray them.”

“We can’t assume the best of everyone, Bruce.”

“Nor can we assume the worst, Superman. Phantom is no danger to us.”

“If you boys could stop squabbling, we have better things to think about.”

~~~

Jason watched as the morning sunrise filtered through the blinds, illuminating Danny’s face as he lay sleeping peacefully on his bed. They had talked about moving in together, but hadn’t made concrete plans yet.

It was probably Jason’s own hesitation and the little secret he was keeping that kept them from making those plans.

Danny’s skin glowed in the light, pale and ethereal. Jason would call him translucent almost.

With gentle fingers, he traced the scars that trailed down his boyfriend’s chest, a harsh pucker of imperfection on otherwise flawless skin.

Danny hadn’t told him what cause him to be dissected, and Jason wasn’t about to ask when his boyfriend was so careful about keeping his scars covered when he was awake. They’d been dating for a while now and only in the last few days had the other man stopped wearing a shirt all the time they were together.

It broke Jason’s heart that the man he loved so much had so much pain in his past- he would talk lovingly of sisters and best friends, but never of his parents, and it seemed he was even more reluctant to discuss the lab accident that gave him his powers.

His League communicator beeped, and he let out a heaving sigh. He hated to leave when Danny was still asleep, but he knew that the JL wouldn’t call him unless it was an emergency. At least his boyfriend wouldn’t be lonely- he was petsitting for his neighbor for a few days.

Jason leaned down to kiss Danny’s forehead and then he made his way out of the apartment through the window, putting his helmet on as he left.

Time to save the world again.

[wonderful-magician]

DAROACH HEAD CANNON RAMBLING???

More likely than you would think my friends.

Ok so I worked on the drawing above for maybe 10 hours and I'm very proud of it! And I felt like this post would be a good transition into elaborating MY VERY LONG LIST OF HEAD CANNONS for this rat.... Since he has very little backstory canonically similarly to most Kirby characters who have like a sentence of backstory. And unlike Meta knight or King DDD who have a general concept or idea. We know nothing about the silly rodents!! Nothing!!

( NOTICE THIS IS ONLY FOR MY GIJINKA VERSION OF HIM!! )

So I'm here to basically write a whole damn book for these guys. But specifically daroach because... I'm biased. Lmao. SO I decided to give him something! The life of a poor child from 1920!! ....woohoo?

I believe I've said this before, and I don't think it's that crazy- but I enjoy playing with the fact these characters are for the most part from different planets and have different cultures and experiences because of this. And I love to write little things about it. And just like many others. We have no idea where daroach is even from in the first place.

I like to think the original species of squeaks/squeakers originated from the forgotten land. But at some point they all moved to different planets and locations. You can find them on different planets, and they have a unique culture to each other. The only thing they all share is the bells! Which I shared on my post all about the bells!!

Anyway I figured I would have two bulletin lists about the fun head cannons of mine! But put both of them here for simplicity. And I hope this is coherent and doesn't come off too ... Wow! Tragedy! Daroach is really a chill, happy guy despite some of the things that happened to him in my personal canon...

Despite the events I list here, Daroach actually has a very positive attitude and outlook on life! Despite how his homworld has shitty living conditions and child labor.

Daroach lived with his father until he was ten, when his father was drunk and shot by an officer for being openly against the current mayor.

Daroach never met his mother. But he worries about it little. He cared about it more when he was younger. He also has no known extended family.

Daroach had to live in the streets for a while because of this. Working as a newspaper boy.

He met Storo during this time. The two quickly became good friends. As Daroach was fast and Storo was ... Big. Even as the two were only 10-12 year olds.

The boys became familiar with a lot of the adults in town. Knowing the baker or the locals well. Storo liked to speak to a specific man named doc, quite often.

One harsh winter. Daroach gets sick. And Storo starts to feel under the weather as well. Storo, worried for their well being. Begs doc for help one morning. Doc, after seeing the full conditions of the two boys. Let's them stay with him.

While this was originally temporary, doc ended up enjoying their company. And the three live together like a family. But none of them want to call it a family.

Daroach starts working at a factory and so does Storo. Doc trying to revive his career as a scientist. ( and failing.. miserably. ) around this time doc also takes in spinni. Who's only 7.

Daroach starts to become a more intense thief. While he was always good at it, he did live on the streets for two years after all. But he gets... Very good at theft. For he learns how to float and teleport.

As they all get older. They form a early version of the squeak squad. But it's more like a group formed against the current situations and political climate. As a civil war is occuring in the country and the city is very divided.

Daroach gets himself into a lot of fights. But is both loved and hated by the press. For his hatred to the government but attractive looks by squeak standard.

After daroach is wounded in a fight. They get money, and leave on their newly made airship. Never to return to this planet. As it's just miserable there.

Ok that was a basic outline of his story on my end! Time for more basic head cannons that can be applied much easier !!

Daroach has been smoking since he was like 13. This was normal for his planet. But nowadays he mostly understands his mistakes. But he still smokes, even if he's polite about it and smokes outside it matters little. Meta knight likes to absolutely mock him for this...

Daroach hates being hatless for an extended period of time. It's just ...weird...

Daroach is the only squeak/squeaker to stand on his tiptoes constantly.

Won the triple star in a bet with a certain wizard who plays star stacker.

Used to have a alcohol problem, as his father originally did. But he did actually recover from this.

Dated meta knight for a couple months before they broke up with no explanation.

Nobody but them and galaxia know why.

At the age of 11 he developed a limp and still to this day he doesn't even understand how he got this mysterious limp.

Owns like three of the same outfit and does his laundry often. Pure comfort

Hates not being formal. You won't find this man in public wearing slides and a T-shirt. Must be a poet shirt. Or something alike that.

Totally not weird that he dated meta knights reflection. When he broke up with the real thing.

Okay this better post correctly 🙂

[superectojazzmage]

Okay, so review for Across The Spider-Verse

In short, it was exactly as amazing as hoped, arguably more so.

Absolutely brilliant writing, direction, animation, acting, everything. Takes everything the first movie did right and improves on it while pruning out its tiny few flaws. Continues to truly capture the spirit and feel of the comics and staying as faithful to them as possible while still doing it’s own thing. Demonstrates a remarkable understanding of the character of Spider-Man and his mythos. Genuine and earnest in all the right ways, never demeans or sneers at the source material but rather lavishes it with the love and respect it deserves. Just incredible work from everyone involved.

Some specific notes:

The acting is great. Oscar Isaac and Jason Schwartzman in particular are PERFECT and steal the show as Miguel O’Hara and the Spot. The returning actors like Shameik Moore, Jake Johnson, and Hailee Steinfeld get to really show off their chops.

The humor and drama are balanced even better in this film than in the first one. The down moments hit harder, the jokes get even bigger laughs, and they never step on one another’s toes.

The action scenes are fantastic just like in the first film. Incredible and very creative fights all around.

Animators REALLY like to show off. The first film’s experimenting with different art styles gets taken up to eleven here. Lots of crazy visuals and elaborate changes in look and feel from world to world while still keeping the same broad “vibe”, and they even delve into some Roger Rabbit-esque territory. It’s really impressive. That said, just like the first film, there are some scenes that can get really literally flashy and strobing, so be aware of that if you’re especially sensitive to flashing lights. I don’t think there’s anything that’d cause issues, but just a head’s up.

The writing for the Spot was great; they closely follow his arc from the comics of starting out as a dorky, incompetent joke villain and then evolving into a terrifyingly ruthless and vindictive monster with absolutely broken powers and it’s really well done, like a bizarro inversion of an anime “hero trains to get stronger” storyline. He’s definitely one of the big highlights and was a great pick for villain.

Peter B. is everything Spider-Man should be and his relationship with Mary Jane and baby Mayday are another major highlight. Marvel editors on life support.

Miles and Gwen both get really great character arcs themselves. Poor Miles really gets put through the wringer.

Miguel is spectacularly well-done, just the right balance of sympathetic, charismatic hero and total grouchy asshole, just like he was in the comics.

Spider-Punk is a Giga-Chad.

Jessica Drew is a weird outlier in that she’s not very faithful to the comics version and the points where she IS accurate are based off one of her worst runs, in total contrast to everyone else. I feel like she was maybe meant to be a different character and got reworked into Jessica for some reason mid-production, or maybe that they had to completely alter her to use her. That being said, as a functionally new character, she’s pretty cool. Issa Rae does a good job and her design totally fucks.

The overall plot is partly a really brilliant meta commentary on Marvel’s treatment of Spider-Man Post-OMD with middle fingers fully extended at Spider-Editorial and I’m living for it. There’s also some clear commentary on the nature of adaptations and what Spider-Man as a character stands for, amongst many other things. Some very dense and heavy themes underpinning the narrative, but none of it is intrusive and you don’t need any prior knowledge aside from watching the first film.

You can REALLY tell that this and Beyond The Spider-Verse were one giant script split into two movies, because the ending is honestly pretty abrupt feeling, though it’s made pretty clear that this is just Part 1 and Part 2 will pick up from right there, so as long as you’re aware of that it’s okay. It’s a massive cliffhanger.

All in all, we walked out of the theater EXTREMELY impressed and very hyped for the next film. This was a wonderful movie that really captured the essence of not just Spider-Man but Marvel Comics as a whole. 10/10 would recommend.

[deus-sema]

From a Watsonian perspective, your interpretation makes sense because this wouldn’t be the first time Sauron fumbled and fell on his face after getting sidetracked because of Galadriel. She somehow manages to get under his skin and makes him lose his patience and he goes from a 4D chess player and manipulator to a petulant child telling his bestie that he won’t share his lunch with her anymore because she chose to do her homework instead of playing with him. Ironic as it is sad, he cannot manipulate her even if he wants to because his mind goes haywire when she is involved and he can’t keep his emotions in check.

Exhibit #1

Last season, he had almost succeeded in manipulating her when he had donned Finrod’s guise. Except he just had to go and botch it by acting all creepy after her smile caught him off guard forgetting that he was wearing her brother’s face. This meta here explains it more elaborately and beautifully.

Exhibit #2

It’s odd for Halbrand the otherwise chilled-out “low man” to thrash a gang of Numenoreans or display political acumen. Or exhibit impressive skills in swordsmanship conveniently in the view of a certain someone.

Exhibit #3

Annatar ended up mentioning Galadriel’s name out of nowhere, before an elf who was already in his thrall and didn’t require that kind of flattery to do his bidding and acted in a way that could have been deemed as behaviour somewhat odd and unseeming for a dignified emissary of the Valar.

Had he intended to manipulate and tempt then he would have stuck to Halbrand’s form instead of breaking the trance by taunting her as Celebrimbor and as herself. He was behaving irrationally and his actions and words were rooted in sentiment instead of calculation.

So, why call it “The Last Temptation” which was misleading and doesn’t align with what was depicted onscreen? To understand that, I think we have to switch to a Doylist perspective. It is entirely my opinion – which should be taken with a grain of salt – that the writers didn’t have ample time to accommodate a detailed addressal for Sauron and Galadriel’s conflict given the episode count and other subplots going but simultaneously wanted to keep exploring it in future. Their interaction in S2 might as well be considered an extended part of the scene from where they left off in S1. Her rejection angers him. His true identity repulses and hurts her. It’s like they never moved on. This is why if this scene is to be considered Galadriel’s ultimate triumph over darkness and meant to bring closure to their equation, it would appear underwhelming in the long run. But if it is merely a buffer before the messy drama between the two of them resumes in the upcoming seasons, then it would be more understandable. So, calling it 'The Last Temptation' might have been a decision made in the spur of the moment on the creatives' part without taking the future to consideration. Again, it's pure conjecture on my part.

Another pov on the final confrontation - Taunting, not temptation

I’ve been stewing in my feelings about the Sauron x Galadriel confrontation, vowing not to write anything too bleak despite my initial disappointment. But after rewatching and reflecting, I’ve realized the scene had a different intent than I expected, and seeing it through new eyes made for a better experience.

Namely, I don’t think Sauron was trying to tempt Galadriel to join him — he was taunting her because she didn’t.

The "not all of [was manipulation]", him choosing Halbrand's appearance to mess with her mind, the past subjective tense of "I wouldn't have rested until middle earth kneeled for its queen", it's all converging to the his point: "I offered you everything, you rejected me and I'm throwing it in your face."

He starts calm, giving almost no effort in the swordfight, but he gets angrier. When? When she tries to save face, saying it was all manipulation. That sparks his fury, and he wants her to feel some of the pain he felt. The rejection was a blow to his heart and his ego, and she said it so easily. Time for her to taste some of the pain. He doesn't want to kill her, he wants her to hurt. (If he wanted to killed her he would have done it, he had her pinned with the crown. Interviews too confirm that he didn't want her dead). In that vindictive, almost childish fit on anger, because he's so blinded by rage, shimmering inside despite his usually calm Annatar demeanor, he doesn't even try to play mind games with her. There's no "your kin will cast you out" of last season.

It's "suffer for rejecting me" and "how dare you make the excuse that it wasn't real"

This is how I see it upon rewatch. It makes more narrative sense if they didn't write temptation in. If this was supposed to be temptation, they failed. As for what I wanted to see, it was the culmination of Galadriel's season-long fight with darkness. I needed to see her tempted, hovering between her own thirst for power and what it led her to do in season 1.

If they're planning to continue tempting Galadriel in later seasons, and this was an emotional torturing, I'm all for it. But if this was her ultimate victory over darkness, we're gonna have some words.

[cupcraft]

Okay i want to elaborate from my prev post, about the cbench dynamic within the ccrime narrative/post revival narratives/and cbeeduo outpost conflict.

Because even though cbench are friends and were doing a lot of "hanging out streams" within this time frame (recall the jokes with ctommy having two armed body guards time in meta) like there was a lot going on here and it's really highlighted in that stream where ctommy builds the grave for ghostbur. Because ctommy grieving ghostbur is important in his relationship to cwilbur. Because ctommy cared about ghostbur, but in the whole this really represented a key moment in where ctommy really allowed himself to finally grieve cwilbur in a sense and it also provides a lot of thought into ctommy's uncertainty with how he feels about cwilbur now that he's back. This is not to say i think ctommy hates cwilbur, but it is important to highlight the complexity of ctommy's feelings around him from this stream.

This moment also reflects how ctubbo has not allowed himself to grieve, not only ctommy, but also cwilbur with his response in this moment and it also reflects cranboo's distance to the greater history of cwilbur in the narrative up to this point, which allows the audience to pinpoint just how much communication (or lack thereof) has occured within cbeeduo (as well as callium), which later will be a semi part of understanding the ho16/paradise arcs and ctallerduo's dynamic. Which this also connects to the cbeeduo dynamic and cranboo's understanding of the home they were building together

This moment also is a good way to connect to the cookie outpost portion of this time. Because cbeeduo largely distanced themselves from ctommy at this point while he was working with cwilbur on Paradise (save for a couple more streams that followed). It shows a portion of ctubbo that didn't want ctommy, or nearly anyone, involved in an arc that would largely be defined by paranoia and continued feelings of unsafety that have developed since doomsday, really since being a spy, with was spiraled with ctommy's death and cwilbur's revival. Because this does connect to Project Dream Catcher and Snowchester's foundation on hypervigiliance and safety from cdream.

I hope this makes sense, but cbench is very interesting outside of their friendship is my TLDR (though i love talking about them as friends/hcs like anyone does) and there was much i didnt cover about how a lot of their moments extends into greater narratives. feel free to add on this is not disk/horse at all!

(i preface it isnt because i remember the 2021 disk/horse)

[outofangband]

Updated Maedhros in Himring Headcanons

Himring flora and fauna 

so obligatory disclaimer I have WAY too many post Angband ideas and they can be found in the post Angband tag and my list of complex trauma after torture metas are in my masterlist

(I have to say this here otherwise I’ll get even more over excited and link like every relevant post which would keep us here awhile)

I realized while writing this that there could be so many other things I could link so I didn’t end up linking everything but if you need help finding anything please feel free to let me know or if you have more questions!

Maedhros is watchful and wary. So much so that Morgoth canonically could not send troops to attack his territories for some time (a beautifully twisted irony given that the torment that he suffered under Morgoth’s hand presumably played a large part in this wariness). He often inhabits his tower, using his time to sharpen skills he lost or was unable to practice during his captivity and studying maps and letters by his kin as well as the elves native to these lands and the Dwarves too.

He is careful not to fall asleep in the presence of others as his occasional bouts of non elven speech and movements tends to alarm.

He speaks far less casually than he did pre Angband

His lands are some of the only territories safe for survivors of Angband though in private he constantly doubts his ability to gauge whether someone is safe and the influence the Enemy potentially has over them. He has elaborate measures in place with his counselors regarding these residents, most of which is organized without the knowledge of anyone else. 

He employs a small but dedicated border patrol who are equally skilled in tracking, analyzing the landscape and its creatures, and similar as they are in combat.

I headcanon he has a service dog, possibly something like a borzoi which are both built for the cold and also in real life often serve as service dogs to trauma survivors. The dog both provides tactile comfort during flashbacks and can do practical tasks such as fetching objects. 

It’s extremely difficult for Maedhros to ask for help and he deals with a lot of shame and internalized ableism (I have a short piece of him learning to write again for example) 

He also uses a cane for awhile and perhaps has braces on his legs.I think a lot about much it hurts Maedhros to walk at first, even after he’s left the healing quarters of Fingolfin’s camp, let alone run or fight, not just because the soles of his feet were occasionally whipped but because for so many years he had spent so little time walking freely, the muscles in his legs badly damaged from long periods of immobilization

Maedhros dislikes appearing at formal events. He prefers to strategize behind the scenes and occasionally attends smaller meetings with people like Fingolfin.

He is intensely conscious of how his knowledge of Angband is under scrutiny and of the rumors and speculation surrounding it so he prefers to pass any relevant information that could potentially help their efforts to the king or to others he trusts very much rather than publicly presenting it.This is both because he fears that the nature of some of his information might raise the eyebrows of some who wonder where exactly he gained this information and because of a more irrational fear that any information he gives will reveal the more private moments he doesn’t want others to know

The cold weather serves many advantages including letting himself to be as covered up as possible. He does not bring any of the healers who initially treated him to Himring, even those who might have been willing

Winters in Himring are long and cold. The period that most closely resembles a temperate climate’s summer is extremely lively as everyone rushes to finish the work that can’t be completed during the extended winter months.However there is a small celebration for the stirring, the season between winter and spring, those few weeks where the snow slowly melts back into the earth and green starts to appear there. A rare few days of peace (though the Lord of Himring and his counselors of course remain ever wary and watchful), flower crowns are often worn by the younger citizens, there is foraging and communal spaces where various dishes and drinks are made and distributed.

(post Angband and the effects of torture is one of my favorite topics to discuss! feel free to ask more questions!)

[theonceoverthinker]

I wish I could be happy, but I’m not

(I made a thread of this on Twitter this morning, but I’m going to elaborate on it here because as you’ll see in a different sense on this post, character limits are BS)

So I'm not gonna lie, I think the line about Clover that many in my neck of the fandom are getting excited over isn't the loving acknowledgment of how Qrow felt about Clover that many seem to think it is. 

Follow me on this one:

Is it good that Clover was finally explicitly brought up? Yes. 

Did they do it in a terrible way? YUP, and I'll explain how in just a moment. 

Am I surprised? Less than I ever wanted to be.

Actually, before I begin, because I KNOW people are gonna come after me for this post one way or another, I just want to ask those people if they think I LIKE being this negative? Do they think I LIKE being so cynical towards a show that I used to have so much fun with, a show that I was starting to trust? Don’t you think I want to be excited about Volume 8 with everyone else, and that prior to Volume 7, I wasn’t having the time of my life thinking about and enthusiastically waiting for the new episodes.

No, believe me, I’d be thrilled to enjoy this new volume with everyone else, but after the waking nightmare that was 7X12 (An episode that keeps getting worse and worse the more you look at it, as if an evil version of a Where’s Waldo artbook), CRWBY made it pretty apparent to not trust them as far as I can throw them, to guard my heart, and to temper any positive expectations I have for this show because they can and will likely let me down.

Full disclosure: I’m not watching the volume itself in the traditional sense: I’m having the context of the scenes explained to me by a wonderful friend, and seeing and reading the dialogue and facial expressions of the scenes through gifs, pictures, and the like on various Twitter and Tumblr blogs. That having been said, I take confidence that I am getting an accurate and complete understanding of the Qrow scenes.

Okay, let’s go...under the cut because this got LONG!

The line that starts with "The thing that really stings..." is the line in question, just in case there was any doubt since Qrow speaks a fair bit in this episode (Yes, I’ve read through the full line, but this post is already gonna be long enough without transcribing the whole thing, here it is if you haven’t checked it out yet). It comes up right after Qrow talks about Clover's death.

“The thing that really stings” is a crucial opening line. It implies that on a list of important matters pertaining to the given topic being touched upon, what he’s about to state is the most important of them.

And what does he go on to talk about after that opener? 

Semblances. Just semblances, or rather, just his semblance.

Qrow talks about how he was finally entertaining the notion that there was somebody he could be around without having to worry about his semblance complicating things, but that he now believes that possibility was nothing but a childish dream.

This line (which I HOPE is just accidentally clunky because I DO want the Staff Theory to be true so we can start to recover from all this BS in a way that lets me keep enjoying this series) is a lot more harmful to the Fair Game relationship than anyone in the Clover and Fair Game fandom seems to think it is. I genuinely don't want to rain on anyone's parade because I know a large part of my fandom is pretty excited about it, but I can't leave this alone. 

I'll be frank: This line implies that Clover's death on it's own (The act of the character of Clover dying, his entire being, personality and all) isn't as important to Qrow as what that death symbolizes. All it does is just talk about how Clover meant he could be around someone and not have his semblance mess things up.

It doesn't discuss the bond they formed over their time in Atlas together. It doesn't discuss how Clover was someone who was addressing his self-loathing and absence of a team or how they cared about each other. These things would imply that Clover meant something to him as a person outside of his semblance.

Now did the paragraph need to go into detail about or even discuss Clover and Qrow’s bond? Not necessarily, but with a line starting with "what really stings" that only on to talk about Clover as he relates to his semblance undercuts what made Clover's character so beloved in the first place.

Clover fans didn't fall in love with Clover because of his semblance. It was an interesting aspect of his character, sure, but it wasn’t the only one by a long shot.

We fell in love with Clover's unique personality, how he was cocky without the pompousness or bullying that tends to come with that cockiness, as well as his emotional softness and how it contrasted with our expectations at every turn, even extending to his support-suiting weapon.

We fell in love with how Clover, even dealing with people he was technically sort of opposed to like Robyn Hill, he made every effort to be diplomatic, careful towards her election, and sincere. 

We fell in love with how Clover, unlike the rest of his team, was the notable exception to the rule of the Ace Ops not being friends with their teammates.

We fell in love with the many, many interesting visual aspects of his character design, both individually as well as how closely they mirrored Qrow’s.

We fell in love with the concern he had for Qrow, someone who Qrow was finally on an equal playing field with and could grow to trust as well as willingly and happily team up with.

We fell in love with Clover’s persistence in getting close to him and having Qrow come to a place where he could acknowledge his own worth.

So understand that this line says that the thing about Clover that left the biggest impression on Qrow (And by extension in terms of the show’s meta narrative, the audience) was not that character that we cared for because of who he was, but instead that Qrow cares more about how Clover benefitted him personally on a strictly utilitarian level than the actual connection he and Clover shared as people.

That sentiment does an incredible disservice to Clover's character. Despite what those who defend 7X12 felt, Clover was a character with dimension (And by no means was an Adam, just to stop that garbage comparison in its tracks before it comes up again). What that line does is callously strips away that dimension to make Clover almost something closer to a one-note manic pixie dream boy, and only for the purposes of his semblance, at that. 

That’s not good writing, and it shouldn’t be as revered as it presently is (I know the episode’s only a few hours old at the time of writing this, but this seems to be the line’s perception by the Clover and Fair Game fandoms).

More than anything -- more than the possibility of Jailbirds becoming canon, or the lack of connecting Clover and the staff this volume -- this sentiment that Clover’s only worth came from his semblance said by Qrow himself (The character who spent a lot of time bonding with him) makes me worried about whether or not we will actually get a Clover revival. 

Again, I don't want to ruin anyone's fun (Though I know I risk it just by making this and will probably be subject to all manner of online torment as a result because that’s just the way things go around here), but I think we Clover fans need to acknowledge the dangerous wording of this line and temper our expectations accordingly.

Today's Clovember theme is 'wish.' I'm not gonna stop wishing for Clover's return. I'm not gonna stop hoping for Clover's return, either. 

However, I don't want another 7X12 to happen to myself or the various others in the fandom that I’ve grown to care about this past year again. I can’t ignore a bad sign when it’s staring me in the face, leaving such a foul taste in my mouth in the way that this is. Fair Game Buddies and Clover fans alike, please just be careful. I love you all.

[ramblings-of-a-mad-cat]

In a response to a different ask you mentioned mc and Jacob having family in R, could you elaborate on that? I’ve seen posts suggesting that it’s one of their parents (although I have not seen anyone suggest that it could be both)

I have not made any one particular post about this either, having talked about it in numerous others, but as of this moment I cannot seem to locate the ones that I’d really like to reference. Tumblr’s search engine could really use some work. No matter, I say yet again that now is as good a time as any to make a long post about this. Here we go! 

There is a chance that both of MC’s parents could be involved, or simply one of them. However, between the two, I’m going to say their mother is the far more likely culprit. 

Family

First of all, we’ve hardly heard anything about MC’s father. There’s a good chance that he’s dead, died in some freak accident or whatnot. That there was a divorce. Or that he has otherwise abandoned the family. There is room in there for him having left to join R, but considering that Jacob has brushed shoulders with them a few times, you would think he’d have come across his Dad in that time. The father has almost no development at all, compared to the mother. Of course, everything I’m about to say about Jacob’s Mother could just be characterization of an imperfect human in it’s own right...or it could be something shiftier. But the fact remains that Jacob and MC’s Mother is...kind of a terrible parent, if you really think about. 

In the Holiday TLSQs, she goes off on vacation to see extended family, and MC is never invited. This has happened at least three times. She leaves behind her last child, when as far as I can tell, it’s just the two of them at home. Which lines up with MC telling Rowan about how “distant” their parents have always been. When she discovered that MC was poking around the Cursed Vaults, she did not discipline them or even forbid this search from continuing. She gave her blessing, she encouraged it, in the hopes that MC would find Jacob. Not only is this reckless...it’s also a little inconsistent for a mother who apparently wouldn’t even let MC ride a broomstick in their youth. Unless she just shamelessly favors Jacob, which admittedly is possible, why would she ever be okay with this? Here’s another question, did she know Jacob was arrested? If so, how come she never told MC? 

Inheritance.

Here’s the thing: I think it’s apparent that R has been interested in MC’s family for a very long time, and we don’t really know why, exactly. How did Jacob get mixed up with the Cursed Vaults, or with R in the first place? I find it hard to believe that it was just by chance. Considering that the events of HPHM are more or less repeating history and MC is mirroring Jacob, we can assume that the plans R has for MC were once the plans they had for Jacob. That they’ve moved onto MC for whatever reason. And what do they have planned, exactly? They want MC to join them, and perhaps lead someday. Which is...kind of ridiculous, if you think about it. MC is not only young, but they are a known enemy. Why does R want this teenager who has no reason to ever serve them, to be put in a position of power within their ranks? How long has R even wanted this? How is it already all decided for them that MC will rule, when they have no guarantee that they can even turn MC to the Dark Side? Well...given the culture of the Wizarding World, I can think of one justification: Blood. If it’s all about blood, if the title of Leader is an inherited position...then there could be a case for why R would consider it to be something that passes to MC automatically. 

Which would only make sense if one of MC’s parents was the Leader right now. It would explain why R was so interested in Jacob in the first place. He is the Heir, MC is the Spare. Maybe the plan was always to rescue Jacob, but R changed their minds once they realized that Jacob was a lost cause, would never join them. Maybe they sent Rakepick to guide MC toward Jacob’s rescue and train them along the way, just in case something happened to Jacob. I’ve wondered for a long time why R seemed to switch from wanting MC dead, to announcing their plan to kill one of MC’s friends instead. Why downgrade like that? I believe Rakepick saw strong potential in MC, and over the course of her time at Hogwarts, realized that even if Jacob was salvageable, MC might be the better candidate. Hence her conducting “experiments” like destroying MC’s wand. Trying to impart “wisdom” like when she shows them the Cruciatus Curse. And her cryptic advice about how MC may need to “take the lead.” MC was always a person of interest to R, their bloodline giving them prominence, but at a certain point they seemed to change their minds about MC being a loose end. At first, they wanted to use MC’s talents to free Jacob - hence MC’s mother encouraging them to continue the search. But at a certain point, probably after an endorsement from Rakepick, R decided that MC had greater potential as a future leader, and they were unspoiled. After all, perhaps Jacob’s time in the Portrait weakened him. That would have been a possibility too. Hell, even Merula’s crush on Jacob could have just been her way of trying to lure Jacob back to R. I know it sounds crazy, but what if there was some divide in R between those who want MC to rule, and those who want Jacob? If we assume Merula’s hatred of Rakepick was not a facade, she would totally side against Rakepick for no other reason than spite. 

Time to get Meta. 

I’ll admit, in a patriarchal society, it makes more sense for it be the father, and his bloodline. But what if MC’s mother was always intended to just be a kind of “regent” and await one of her children to come of age? What if she’s fine with that, hence the strange idea of a Leader planning their own successor. It also comes down to the question of just how MC’s family came to power. What is it that’s so special about this bloodline? It may be the Legilimency, but that ability isn’t that hard to come by. I think it’s something deeper, and it may be connected to the Cursed Vaults. There are so many quests that have been pulled that offered ideas developing Hogwarts and this history. Remember the one where Nearly Headless Nick helped MC look for the four sigils? It was taken out. And it’s not like the devs have never done this before: Removed quests that had spoilers. The Weird Sister TLSQ gave away the location of the final vault, and Moody’s character. 

The other thing is, I feel as though the Leader’s identity is going to be some sort of plot twist. It has to be, considering that one of the biggest facets of the Hogwarts “Mystery” has been the secrets of R, and what they’re up to. The Leader has to be a character who we’ve either met before as the player, or MC has met before, personally. Trouble is...most of the original characters are students. The adults are usually canon. That leaves who? Madam Villanelle? Bilton Bilmes? Lomelia Prounce? Could be one of them. Or it could be someone who means something to MC. Which again, could refer to their father...but I think the mother, being an active part of their life, would have more of an emotional impact. And given how she’s been mentioned several times, and had her character developed through these throwaway lines...it would be a bigger impact for the player and the story, as well, if it was the mother.

[anghraine]

I'm sorry if this bothers you, but I've seen some of your (brilliant btw) meta, and would love to see you elaborate on Anakin's identity as a Jedi. Plenty of fans think that he would have found fulfillment in leaving the Order and being husband and father, but I've seen some of your thoughts on it being integral to the OT and would love to see more (I agree: we barely see Sith in the OT - until Palps uses the Force, you'd think Vader is his pet Jedi). Thank you and sorry if it's a bother

Not a bother at all, and thank you very much about the meta!

I think how you read Anakin’s identity as a Jedi is going to rest on quite a few things, but especially three:

How you see Anakin

How you see the Jedi

How much weight you give the PT vs OT

That is, I’ve mostly seen the idea that Anakin would have been better off leaving the Jedi or wasn’t truly a Jedi at heart from people who are intensely critical of the PT Jedi in particular. This isn’t a denunciation of that POV as such. But in my experience, “Anakin would have been better off leaving the Jedi” does tend to be accompanied by negative views of the Jedi (mostly shaped by the PT) and not just a sense that he’s temperamentally unsuited to it (also mostly shaped by the PT). 

And I do think this is driven by the very real flaws of the Jedi Order as an organization—flaws that extend into the OT (whee, patricide!), but are dominated by their dynamics in the PT era.

(Note: I do think some of the condemnations lean uncomfortably to the Western-centric, even considering how #problematic SW itself is.)

OTOH, if your view of Anakin and the Jedi is primarily shaped by the OT, with the PT filling in the blanks, the issue can look very different. Anakin remains deeply dedicated to the Jedi faith despite his rejection and destruction of the Jedi organization. His offer to Luke is to complete his training as a Jedi, not to train him in something else entirely. There’s the culminating moment where Luke declares that he is a Jedi, like Anakin—which can be read as either “I am a Jedi, as Anakin is” or “I am a Jedi in the way that Anakin is.” 

For me, that moment in both Luke’s and Anakin’s character arcs is deeply undercut by the idea that Anakin isn’t really aligned with the Jedi, or shouldn’t be. In the OT, his identity as a Jedi constitutes an enormous part of his past, others’ perceptions of him in the present, his perception of himself and his place in the galaxy, his view of Luke, Luke’s view of him, his ultimate conciliation with Luke and with the Force. There’s probably more, honestly. Without that core identity, his characterization and his character arc just look radically different, PT or no PT. 

Since there is a PT, my interest is in how the two line up, and it’s not really much of a stretch (though, in all honesty, still driven by my prioritization of the OT). There are two basic ideas in the OT about Anakin’s relationship to the Jedi that have to be balanced out: a) he identifies and is identified as a Jedi and is super offended at disrespect to the faith, and b) he was at the very least a major participant in wrecking the Jedi Order. So what I take away from that is that the issue was, for Anakin, not religious—he has conviction in the faith but not in the organization, and in fact became violently opposed to the organization.

And I think that’s basically what’s in the PT (maybe with some squinting, but it’s there). Like, when he comes out with “the Jedi are evil!” after murdering a bunch of Jedi children, it’s ... kind of odd ... but, say, his stated views on the Jedi and love genuinely don’t seem to mesh well with the reality of the Jedi Order despite being grounded in Jedi doctrine. It’s easy to imagine that it’s not the only issue where his ideas of What A Jedi Should Be clash with what he is expected to be, as a Jedi (and that would be compounded by the secret marriage etc etc). 

And we’re given plenty of reasons for him to be disaffected from the Order! I think he’s had a lot of objections to Jedi practices along the way that were either repressed or silenced, and when he falls to the Dark Side and the brakes go off, it all comes roaring out.

In the wider narrative, the general conclusion I come away with is that ... Anakin’s objections to the Order were based on real problems, and his ideals of What A Jedi Should Be were probably pretty solid (if anything, better than most other Jedi’s), and these things are part of the tragedy of his terrible fall. However, they’re also part of his rise, in that Luke is able to reject the dogmatism and militarism of the Order. So there’s that double meaning of “like my father before me,” where Luke fully aligns himself with Anakin even as he rejects violence and submission. He becomes the sort of Jedi that Anakin might have been and at least once aspired to be.

Tl;dr—basically, I think “Anakin rejects a Jedi identity” is contrary to his arc in the OT and therefore sits very uncomfortably with me, whereas “Anakin rejects the organization while retaining his Jedi identity and religious practice” is implied by the OT and his arc in the PT can roughly be seen in that light, and it adds a really satisfying depth to the OT finale with Luke. 

[pynkhues]

Hi, Sophie. I need some advice, and I understand if you aren't comfortable with responding, however I trust your opinion and your perspective which is why I've come to you (this might get long). I am feeling extremely and increasingly despondent about my place in the Good Girls fandom, to the point where I just don't want to write any more. This saddens me, as I enjoy creating content immensely, however I feel my work does not get the same engagement of works with equal merit,

particularly in regards to making it on to the rec lists that circulate a lot. I engage with the fandom, I’m enthusiastic about other’s work and encourage them to create, I consider myself to be a fandom member who understands this place is built on reciprocal engagement however I just don’t feel like I get any love back. This in turn makes me feel like I am genuinely not a good writer, despite my own belief to the contrary, and to wonder if I’m embarrassing myself by even bothering to continue.

I’ve asked for constructive feedback and been honest about not having a bruised ego if people were to tell me why my work doesn’t resonate with them as much as others, however this hasn’t come to anything (do people not do concrit any more?). How do I figure out where I’m going wrong? I know everyone likes to push the platitude of ‘fandom isn’t about receiving glory from others’ but with respect I think that’s an incredibly dismissive attitude to have (not that you appear to have that opinion),

(last message I promise!) particularly when fandom is entirely about interaction and content creation, and the symbiotic relationship between the consumer and the creator. I want people to engage with my work more, what’s the secret?

Hi! I’m so sorry it’s taken a week or so to get to this – it’s just been a bit of wild time lately for a whole suite of work and personal reasons.  

Thank you for reaching out though! And I’m not uncomfortable at all with these sorts of questions. I think it opens up a really interesting conversation, which I’ll circle back to in a sec, but before I get into that, I want to say that I’m really sorry that you’re feeling despondent about your place in the GG fandom! I can’t speak to your specific experience of course, but I will say that I get where you’re coming from. I think it’s something that affects all of us at varying points, including myself, and I think that the sort of despondency you’re talking about is really something that taps into questions of any sort of creative landscape where people are creating and consuming work.

(Under a cut, because this reply is a little meandering, a little personal, annnnd about 4.5k words, haha)

It’s an interesting point too, because I think when we talk about this, we tend to think both of creative communities and/or fandoms as only having these sorts of issues when they’re BIG communities or BIG fandoms, but that’s not true at all. To me the reality of any sort of community – whether that be a million-person Marvel fandom or three-person knitting club – is that you have people wanting to connect with others, and, with the added factor of some of those people having a creative output within that community (whether that be through writing, art, gifsets or a really great set of mittens), you have an added level of vulnerability and investment.

People aren’t just seeking connection, they’re seeking - - well.

A whole lot more.

And you thread the needles of some of the issues of that really well in your ask too. Those three needles being engagement with your work, popularity of certain people, and how that’s bred an insecurity in your own work.

And seriously, as someone who’s worked extensively with creative communities, and on-and-off in cultural production for the last ten years? These are concerns that I think are endemic in all of these spaces; although perhaps I’d articulate them slightly differently.

You say engagement, popularity and the work.

I say community, profile and craft.

Potato, po-tah-toh, haha.

Ultimately these are three things that depend on each other just as much as they exist entirely independently of one another. It’s like a weird, polyamorous relationship that at its best works great and creates a thriving, mutually beneficial environment for people to grow and develop and engage, and at its worst is a totally toxic clusterfuck. Realistically though, this is a spectrum not an either-or scenario, which means probably 98% of the time a community space really is something in-between.

Unpacking the ecosystem of that I think is pretty crucial to the questions that you’re asking, so I hope you don’t mind me using this time as a bit of a launchpad to talk about those things.

Community

During my arts touring days, I used to see a lot of misconceptions around how communities came to be. There tended to very much be this ‘If You Build It, They Will Come’ ideology, which is really not the case at all. Sometimes that might work, but most of the time, community builds from the ground up, not the top down. It begins through – usually – a few people coming together out of need or want or passion, and then if enough people have that need, that want, that passion, that community will likely grow. That growth though is usually championed by certain members of said community, because communities do tend to need - - not leaders per se, but people who are invested and drive things that create space for engagement.

Fandom’s not any different at all, and in that sense the communities are built similarly around participation, trust, discussion and content, things I don’t really feel like I need to elaborate on because you clearly know that from your ask, and most of this post is going to be about the last of those things, but I think it’s just worth mentioning. Particularly because I want to add to that that in my experience, communities are also usually built pretty strongly around regularity.

For a show like Good Girls it’s kind of great because that regularity is built into the DNA of traditional TV – it airs weekly as opposed to being dropped in bingeable packets. So that sort of gives you this in-built ten, thirteen, eleven, soon-to-hopefully-be-sixteen weeks where there are appointments for engagement. As a part of that, you get an organic flurry of activity and a degree of commitment from people participating, which is further bolstered by the time in-between episodes having drops of sneak peek clips and promo pictures which in turn bolster speculation, theorising, and a hunger for creative content i.e. fic, art and gifsets.

Working in cultural production, we typically call this ‘appointment programming’ because the idea is that you build community around a regular event. People put it in their diaries, and choose to show-up. It used to be integral to TV, but it’s becoming far less so, but that’s a whole other thing. Appointment programming though encompasses a lot more than just TV viewing, it’s a part of our international cultural ecosystem – it’s festivals and cons, it’s touring concerts and shows, it’s showcases, it’s workshops – it’s anything that builds engagement around a specific experience, at a specific time.

The reason I bring this up is that to me – from my years of experience in fandom and natural tendency to think a lot about / dissect things that I participate in, haha – is that I think fandom spaces typically continue this appointment programming and production beyond the parameters of the content itself. We see this through conventions, fanfic big bangs and other challenges, awards, events, as well as just regular content generation.

Good Girls in particular has a lot of community-driven appointment programming. There’s the weekly re-watch I’ve done on here since August last year, as well as back in 2019, there’s @foxmagpie’s Good Girls’ Appreciation Week, @nottonyharrison’s fic awards, prompt-a-thon and kinkfest, the new fic awards too which are going around, as well as fic authors who publish regularly or on a fixed schedule - @fairhairedkings’ FBI fic I think being the best example of that.

But it’s not even always that structured. I’ll talk about this a bit more in my section on Profile below, but I think this extends to asks and replies. Basically to the expectation of content, whether that be gifs or art or fic or meta or surveys or rec lists, or some combination of all of the above.

I categorically hate the term, but the reason ‘Big Name Fans’ become ‘Big Name Fans’ are usually because their blogs become touchstones for more content (whether that’s original or sharing other people’s), which in turn means occasionally some voices can generate a profile that makes them sort of central figures of the broader community – because there’s this guarantee that you’re gonna go there and you’re gonna get regularly fed. Their blogs, including mine I think, become in and of themselves sort of ‘appointment programming’. I have a lot of thoughts and feelings on this in particular, both good and bad, but my feelings on it don’t particularly matter in this context, haha, so I’m going to leave that thread there.

The point I’m getting at is that while a community builds organically, a community, like anything, needs to be fed to grow, and that people are more likely to engage when they’re being fed regularly.

Look at this way, I was definitely at my most popular in this fandom when I was more or less posting an instalment of Playing House every week. Like, seriously - -

And that was on top of answering between three and ten asks a day.

In that sense, I think that outputs got a lot to do with engagement, particularly in smaller fandoms. There are fewer content producers, which I think bolsters the profile of the one’s posting a lot, regularly, which I think in turn can have the unfortunate trickle down effects too where other members of the fandom see there as being this wall and hierarchy that doesn’t necessarily actually exist, simply because certain names become prevalent.

I think if you come from a big fandom where there are 50, 100, 250 big content producers, it’s a bit more liberating and a lot easier to ‘curate your experience’ so to speak, whereas perhaps in a small fandom, like Good Girls, where there maaaaybe 15 regular content creators, that’s a lot harder. In the end I think that some people feel like you have to like and follow certain people and their work (you don’t!), that ‘it’s cool’ to not like those people (it’s not!), and that certain voices are being ‘silenced’ simply because they don’t have the same profile for whatever reason. Unfortunately that’s hard to get out of, because being in a small fandom is the equivalent of being in a very small, very hot room with not a lot of people, but enough that you’re going to bump into literally everyone on your way in and out of it.

(This is a bit of an aside, but I just want to say that that things do get personal in communities because you do get to know people and have relationships and they can end badly. It also sucks when those personal issues with members of the community bleed over and become public and make the space overall a bit shit. I’m very much guilty of this and will own that, but I have been trying hard to do better, and have completely stopped certain behaviours.

All that said, I do want to flag here that the very nature of this post means I’m going to be honest about my experiences. It’s not meant as subtags or as pointed comments, it’s just - - me talking about said experiences. If these people do still stalk my blog, which well - - I know they do because other people send me shit, haha, I hope that they don’t take any of this the wrong way).

So yeah – I think smaller fandoms can by their very nature become a bit of a melting pot of personalities which results in engagement becoming politicised. I personally do try to share everyone and to not politicise fic recs. I even rec people I personally don’t get along with if I feel it’s appropriate to do so i.e. my episode fic recs, but I’m pretty aware that that type of engagement is not a courtesy extended back to me. It did bum me out for a hot minute with a couple of people, gotta be honest, haha; one person in particular because I didn’t feel like we had a personal beef prior to her doing this, so I didn’t really understand why she was purposefully excluding me. 

I knew she read my fics, and I knew it was personally targeted because she DM’d a friend (who I don’t think she realised was a friend of mine) and told her not to rec my fics which is – y’know – in my mind just kind of a dick move? (also really weird, like - - people aren’t going to leave the fandom just because you don’t like them, and you can’t omit them to a point they cease to exist lol), but at the end of the day, she can do whatever she wants, and I can’t control her behaviour, but I can control my own and propagate the culture that I want to be a part of.

On the flipside of that though, small fandoms – and bumping into everyone, haha – can also be great! It can foster friendships and relationships that really form the backbone of any community, and it’s really there that a lot of engagement outside of appointment-based consumption comes from. It’s those relationships that build growth and excitement and conversations and ultimately support.

I guess my point here is that often engagement and recs and championing can be a bit personal, and where you fit in a community, your relationships with people – good and bad – impacts the way people engage with your work. The funny thing is though right, like, jumping back a point, you might not even know what the beef someone has with you is. You can’t ever entirely know how people like or dislike you, where ego comes into it (and as someone who’s been in a lot of creative spaces, ego is alwaaaays present), what vulnerabilities and insecurities people have, where people are at in their creative journey, to say nothing of cultural differences in online spaces where people are from all over the world.

It’s complicated, is what I’m getting at, and the I think where you fit in community can have a big impact on how your work is received, even if we all like to say otherwise.  

Profile

Let’s talk about Like an Unsung Chorus.

This is a fic that I wrote back in 2018. At the point of writing this answer, it’s the most kudos’ed fic in the GG category on ao3, and the most bookmarked.

Do I think it’s the best fic in the fandom?

Fuck no, haha. I don’t even think it’s the best fic I’ve written in this fandom, let alone among the rest of the talent we have here.

I think to talk about the success of that fic is to break it down to a few different factors:

I wrote that during the s1/s2 hiatus when there just weren’t that many fics, particularly long running ones, which means there wasn’t a lot of ‘appointment engagements’ for people to tap into. There were some really great ones! Please don’t get me wrong there! But there weren’t a lot.

I published the last chapter the day 2.01 aired, which means it was close to the top of ao3 the day the new season started + new fans arrived, and lapsed fans returned, which means it was a pretty meaty, finished fic for people to jump into straight away.

I created this sideblog a few weeks before I posted the last chapter, and the combination of that + the fic meant people started sending me asks about the show, which I started answering.

It’s been the most kudos’ed fic more or less since then, so it means every wave of new fans who search for Good Girls fic and sort by kudos – for better or worse – see that fic first, and well. Then it’s a self-perpetuating cycle.

Profile’s a funny thing to talk about I think when it comes to fandom because I tend to flip-flop on how much it has an impact on readers specifically. Like – yes, I’m a prolific member of this fandom, and I have the most kudos’ed fic in it, but my Ruby-centred fic Blue Moon only has 31 kudos and 300 hits, and I’d be lying if I said that didn’t sometimes bum me out. I like it as a story, I like that it prioritised character and backstory, I like what I wrote, and it’s not even that it just didn’t resonate, that low number of hits (just as a point of comparison, Chorus has almost 22k hits, and my most-read one-shot in this fandom has 12k hits) tells me a lot of people didn’t even give it a chance.

So in that sense, does profile even matter?

Okay, dumb question, Sophie, haha, yes, of course it has an impact.

I mean, comparing Blue Moon to Chorus is a false dichotomy for starters – one’s character-focused, not ship-focused; one’s a pastiche, the other is a plot heavy canon-extension; one’s a one-shot, one’s got 11 chapters, etc etc, but I do think it’s worth acknowledging what a small percentage of that readership transferred between them. My profile might have made a few people give it a shot, but it certainly didn’t affect all of them.

What I’m getting at here is that I think popularity and profile can often bear more weight in conversation than it does necessarily in reality. I do think that it has weight – I know for instance that some of my weirder concepts like Mick x Mary Pat got more traction than it necessarily would’ve if a brand new author to the fandom had written it – but I also think profile tips the scales in the opposite direction too. I mean I just talked about this but – personal beefs, people with those personal beefs actively encouraging others not to read or rec that person’s fics, people avoiding higher profile authors because they feel ignored by them (rightfully or wrongfully), etc etc.

Profile and popularity is, in a lot of ways, a double edged sword. I think it can bolster interest in your story and amplify your potential audience – particularly if you’re writing a story that hits the right note for people – but I also don’t think engagement is necessarily as symbiotic as you said in your ask.

I mean, I think it helps, but if the way people engaged with our work balanced with the way we engaged with other people’s works, we’d have a very different most kudos’ed fic list on ao3 (and I include myself in that – I’m not the best at commenting, although I do try to share and rec a lot).

So I guess that brings us to craft.

Craft

Like with the other two points, I can’t point solely to the craft of writing as having an answer to your question. I mean, I can’t speak to your writing at all given you’re on anon of course, but I think overall this is a really talented fandom, but it can be hard to predict the fics that strike a chord with people, but then, isn’t that true of all storytelling?

I mean, I could talk forever right now about arcs and scaffolding, emotional beats, thematic throughlines, whatever, but at the end of the day, what hits that note for you is probably different to what hits it for me. The way we engage with stories is subjective, what appeals to us is ultimately manufactured out of our unique histories, experiences, thought processes, desires and a million other things. There isn’t a secret ingredient, no recipe to be followed; if there was, everyone would have the world’s most popular story on their hands.

What’s important is to tell the story that resonates with you, because yeah, you want to be proud of the story that you’re writing, you want to enjoy it, but also that’s the one that’s going to feel authentic to a reader as well, and you do that through knowing who your characters are, what the story you’re telling is, and committing to that. Gosh, that’s why Twilight is cemented in our pop culture history alongside Animal Farm. There’s honesty to experience, whether that be manifesting teenage forever love with vampires or loading up farm animals with Russian Revolution metaphor.

But still, let me switch hats for a minute – fandom Sophie to editor Sophie, haha

Okay. Take all of this with a grain of salt, but here are some things I have noticed when reading fic, not just in this fandom but others too. These are broad, big picture comments – again, I can’t speak to you specifically because you’re on anon, and again, I can’t predict what makes things popular – but again. These are things I’ve pretty actively noticed when reading fic, and could play a role in perhaps a story not resonating as much as the author might want it to:

Missing Scenes

Writers like to skip ahead to the fun bits. That’s fine! Do it! Enjoy it! But when you skip the scenes that impact the next, just because you want to get to the next, your story will feel the loss of it.

That’s one of the best bits of writing advice I ever got actually – if a scene isn’t working, the issue often isn’t with that scene, it’s usually with one of the ones that got you there.

Storytelling is entirely made up of cause and effect, and if you skip out on the cause, the effect’s not going to work.

I’d really encourage you to embrace the unfun scenes, make them work hard with character development, conflict building, mood setting, so that the fun scenes sing.

 Mood

Speaking of, really think about mood. When I’m writing, sometimes I don’t even know the story yet, but I know the mood of what I’m writing, the tone of it. I know if I want it to be fun and flirty or rough and angsty or tight and thrilling, and I try to feel that and imbue that into the process of my writing. Mood goes so far, and it’s what really creates resonance with the story that you’re telling. It’s what impacts the way you write dialogue, engage setting, build conflict, and it’s going to not just guide you as a writer, but your reader as an audience.

It’s an exercise I use a lot when I’m teaching, but think of it this way: two girls walk alone through the woods. A basic premise. Now think about how differently you’d write it if it was: comedy; family fairytale; horror.

Those are completely different stories, right? And what you focus on and how you write it is going to be so different. So even if you’re just trying to write something and you don’t really know what, just have a little think about the mood of it, and what sort of feeling you want readers to take away from it. And then! Use that mood when you’re thinking about setting (the trees in these woods are going to look very different after all if it’s a children’s fantasy vs a horror), action and dialogue. Embrace it! 

Space

Space informs mood which informs the way we read stories.

I just touched on it in the above section, but embedding your story in a space is going to bring out so many different parts of it. It gives your characters objects to interact with, an environment to feel, a stage to play on.

Nothing happens in a vacuum, so why write that way? And again – space informs mood which ultimately is what creates resonance. Think of the gothic sprawl of the moors in Wuthering Heights or the way the house is used in The Lovely Bones to trap Lindsey when she finds the lock of her dead sister’s hair.

Understanding space can really level up your writing and make it feel alive.

(If you’re just starting out with this sort of thing, look at pictures, draw a map! It’ll help a lot). 

But why?

My favourite and least favourite writing question, haha.

It’s also my favourite and least favourite question as a reader. Understanding character motivations – whether they be major or minor characters – is pivotal to investing a reader in the journey of your story. As a reader, I don’t have to like it, but I need to get it, and that’s something I think is often unfortunately missing.

Engagement

Oof, this got long, haha. Sorry! There were a few personal tangents in there, but my point is ultimately that there isn’t a simple, single answer for your questions. The way people engage are, in my experience, this perfect cocktail of totally predictable and completely unpredictable. I think place in community and profile helps in some respects, but not in others, I think engagement can as much be about popularity as it can be about craft, and even beyond that, I think how readers connect with certain stories are beyond the scope of anything I can explain. I see great fics get overlooked, and fics that I don’t think are particularly well-written hit a huge note with pretty much everyone in the fandom, so I don’t know. I don’t think quality writing always has that much to do with it, and like I said above, I don’t even necessarily think profile breeds engagement.

All of this said, I do think that authenticity goes a long way with engagement. I know a few people who are very blatantly tit-for-tat with how they engage with others, which personally I find hmmmmmmmmmmm, I guess I’d say telling of people’s priorities within fandom? Which is fine! We’re all here for our own reasons, but I know it affects how I personally interact with those people because it’s not behaviour I personally value. I know for me, I’m more likely to engage if people are warm and friendly and contributing to positive culture and conversation within fandom, but I’d also always prefer to engage with people who were just openly different in opinion than people who pretend to be friendly but are actually the first to talk shit behind your back.

So I guess all of this is summing up to be:

Regularity and consistency of posting goes a long way.

Profile does help, but it’s not the be-all-and-end-all by any stretch of the imagination.

Community and profile mean different things to different people.

Authenticity of approach creates better quality, more organic engagement.

Never stop learning about writing, because the more you learn, the richer your stories will be.

Keep growing and challenging what you know about stories.

Know that sometimes your story is more niche than you think.

People responding to your stories unfortunately isn’t a lock and key situation. People like different shaped keyholes! And sometimes something that looks like a key doesn’t actually fit that, and sometimes something that looks like - - I don’t know, a fish, fits perfectly. Okay, I’ve extended this metaphor too far now, haha.

I don’t think this is the answer you want, but it’s the only one I can really give, and it’s 5k words of context and hopefully a little bit of advice, haha. But look, write what you enjoy, find people you like engaging with and be proactive in talking to the people who are engaging with your writing already. Contribute positively and meaningfully, and do so authentically, and don’t give up!

There’s a great Stephen King quote which says – and I’m paraphrasing here, haha – that you’re not a real writer until you can wallpaper your house in rejection letters; and as someone who can absolutely do that and is about to have her first novel published with Penguin Random House, it’s really true.

You become a better writer through putting yourself out there, building networks and community, reading, learning, engaging, seeing what works and what doesn’t, understanding how profile bolsters readership, but more so than anything else, you become a better, more resonant writer through the act of writing.

And that’s as true of fanfic as it is of any writing.

[maglors-anion-gap]

Hi! 9, 17 and 23 for the ask game?

Hi! :) thanks for the ask! 

[link to ask game] 

9. What Age of Arda would you like to live in?

Ohh good question! Bc “like to live in” and “like to read about from the safety of my armchair” are two wildly different things.  Lads, you all know I love the First Age from a narrative perspective, but it’s a Hot Mess 10/10 for plot 0/10 for livability and life insurance.  

Gotta go with Second Age.  Yeah, it ended in an Absolute Disaster but there was a couple-thousand-year period of peace and prosperity that I would have liked to see in person.  The lovely fernstrike wrote me a fic for the tolkien secret santa exchange a few years ago about the ruins of Eregion, and every time I go back and re-read it I want to see Ost-in-Edhil in its golden days. 

17. Are you glad the Last Battle isn’t in the published Silmarillion?

Interesting question, and I have mixed feelings about that! On the one hand, I always love new content, I feel like the glutton in me is always hoping for the expanded edition and happily ever after and the sequel and and and.... 

But I think part of the magic of the Silm is that its open-endedness allows for so much personal interpretation that I never get tired.  I can approach the text from one angle or using one sort of meta-analysis, and write a whole fic from that premise, and then turn around and use the opposite side of the meta-analystical coin and do it again.  And if I want some more details I can hunt through the unfinished tales or morgoth’s ring etc... 

I think I like a sort of open-endedness because my One Fear is the author writing an ending that is just. not in line with how I pictured it going (see: JKR’s much-hated “19 years later” or “cursed child”).  In the end, I’m pretty satisfied with the vague details of the Last Battle that we get in the extended texts, and I can do what I like with those details.

23. Do you have pity for Melkor?

3/3 for thought-provoking questions today! wow!

Yes and no.  I think that at a point, he crosses a line past which I don’t feel much pity for him.  

I think this question in general touches an interesting ethical question on pity, forgiveness, repentance, and absolution.  In general, I try not analyze the silm from a cuturally-christian or moral absolutist standpoint, because I don’t live my life like that.  

In general, I judge not based on whether or not someone “deserves” forgiveness but on how likely they are to repeat their behavior.  Will they do it again? What resources do they need to prevent them from doing it again? etc.  It’s the public health professional in me... 

So looking at it from that standpoint, I see Melkor as someone who probably needed a different sort of guidance from what he got.  Ideally, that guidance should have come after his interference in the Song.  I do genuinely pity him then because Eru and the rest of the ainur seem judgemental but permissive in equal measure, like a parent saying “because I say so” without further elaboration and without teaching some self-regulation skills.  But then he goes on this downhill slide, raising utumno, smashing the lamps, destroying the trees, killing finwe, and starting a conflict that take like 10,000 years (I’m counting to the fourth age) to fix.  And he’s offered more than one opportunity to surrender and he doesn’t.  It would be interesting to analyze the purpose and outcomes of Pride and Wrath in tolkien’s work... 

We can debate the efficacy or moral righteousness of his first and second (permanent) imprisonment, and I’m not sure he could ever be held back from becoming what he became... so IDK.

I would say I feel a measure of pity, yes, for the creature that twisted himself into pure evil... and I’m always looking for the systemic Root Cause, but also at a point he has to own up to his actions... 

[thewatsonbeekeepers]

Chapter 1 – A Mental Mindfuck Can Be Nice – an introduction to EMP theory

I amused myself whilst writing this meta by coming up with referential chapter titles – the song to title this chapter can be found here! (X)

I’m not the first person to propose EMP [extended mind palace] theory and I certainly can’t claim to take the credit for it! After TFP (well, after Apple Tree Yard aired really) I left the fandom, and only rejoined tjlc this year during lockdown and discovered the theory that the entirety of S4 takes place in Sherlock’s Mind Palace, not just TAB, and that even more crucially, the EMP section of the narrative doesn’t happen because of Sherlock’s overdose but rather after Mary shoots him in HLV. Other people have elaborated as to why this is in greater detail and I certainly don’t want to steal their thunder – you can find some of my favourite metas on this here! X X X The original founders’ post is here and great X – it should be noted that the concept of EMP theory appeared way before the superficial shitshow that was series 4, so it was not invented as a fix-it – far from it! 

As well as that, tweets from Arwel Wyn Jones (production designer) and Douglas MacKinnon (TAB director) here X X suggest that a lot of the inconsistencies that make HLV onwards quite dreamlike are absolutely deliberate, which has never been explained in the context of the show. In fact, Douglas MacKinnon specifically suggests that the plane could be in Sherlock’s mind, which has no bearing on the superficial plot unless you buy into EMP theory. We’ve also already been shown that the modern day, particularly when it’s fucky, can be in a mind palace illusion in TAB, and we can read that as a kind of rehearsal for the proper fucky mind palace stuff in S4, a clue that everything is not as it seems – much like the Mayfly Man’s murder rehearsal in TSoT.

It's worth pointing out that there are several different versions of EMP theory – I personally subscribe to the idea that this is Sherlock’s mind palace after being shot by Mary, but there are plenty of popular theories on John’s ‘Mind Bungalow’, blog theory, which I don’t want to dismiss out of hand. However, I think the obsession with the figure of Sherlock Holmes and who that might be throughout the fourth series is thematically consistent with it being from Sherlock’s perspective, as is the precedent from TAB.

The other thing I want to lay on the table as foundational to this theory is the fandom’s obsession with TPLoSH [1970 Billy Wilder queer Holmes adaptation, The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes]. Mofftiss have long stated their love for TPLoSH and even that it is the adaptation that has most inspired them, and I don’t know a single tjlcer who doesn’t have this quotation from Wilder emblazoned onto their memory.

I should have been more daring. I have this theory. I wanted to have Holmes homosexual and not admitting it to anyone, including maybe even himself. The burden of keeping it secret was the reason he took dope. X

What I’m proposing here is that whilst we’ve thought about this quote quite a lot, we’ve always focused on the first half – that Sherlock Holmes is a homosexual – and not the second, which is that that’s the reason he’s on dope. We talk a bit about Sherlock being upset in HLV about John’s marriage and that being why he turns back to drugs, and likewise when TAB first aired a lot of people (myself included) thought he was ODing because he wasn’t going to see John again. I now think – and will provide evidence through the meta! – that it isn’t his feelings of (seemingly) unrequited love which are sending him to drugs, nor that the EMP is a place where he’s discovering his feelings – my meta here X is not the first to point out that Sherlock almost definitely deduces his own feelings for John in TSoT, in a case of the worst timing in television history. Instead, much like Wilder’s Holmes, I think our Sherlock is dealing with a huge amount of shame and internalised homophobia, which has metafictionally* been building up since Conan Doyle started writing – hence the trip back to 1895 in TAB.  S4 is about breaking through over a century of Holmes adaptations which have formed Sherlock’s own version of himself, so that he can break out of them into a ‘Private Life’ outside of established canon.

*Metafictionality is the defining idea around my version of EMP theory, so for anybody who’s not familiar I’m going to do a quick run down. The idea behind metafictionality is that Sherlock is aware of itself as being a work of fiction and deliberately plays with that – in this case, I’m arguing that the character Sherlock is subconsciously aware of the history of book/film/tv adaptations of Sherlock Holmes, and his existence outside Sherlock builds up to create his internalised homophobia. Sounds mad? Maybe. But stick with me here. The reason it’s taking so long for Sherlock to process his sexuality is not just because he’s repressed, but because he’s dealing with the weight of other Holmes adaptations – which is the reason arguably that a modern audience would also take so long to accept it, longer than were this character not such a huge part of the Western psyche.

My aims from this meta:

1.       To prove that tjlc remains endgame (eh, if there’s a series 5)

2.      To show that s4 is about Sherlock trying to break out of his MP coma after being shot by Mary

3.      That s4 engages with the history of Sherlock Holmes adaptations through the character of Sherlock investigating his psyche

4.      That in the real (non-MP) world, John is suicidal, and Sherlock has to wake up to save him.

Chapter 1 – A Mental Mindfuck Can Be Nice: a quick summary of EMP theory

Chapter 2 – Look up here, I’m in Heaven: the height metaphor

Chapter 3 – Death Cannot Stop True Love [HLV 1/1]

Chapter 4 – It is always 1895 [TAB 1/1]

Chapter 5 – Hey, Soul Sister: Who is Eurus?

Chapter 6 – So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish [TST 1/2]

Chapter 7 – There’s Something About Mary [TST 2/2]

Chapter 8 – Dream a Little Dream of Me: parallels with Doctor Who

Chapter 9 – Rock’n’roll Suicide [TLD 1/2]

Chapter 10 – Oh No Love, You’re Not Alone [TLD 2/2]

Chapter 11 – The Importance of Being Earnest [TFP 1/3]

Chapter 12 – Three Men in a Boat [TFP 2/3]

Chapter 13 – Out of My Dreams [TFP 3/3]

I’ll (ideally) be uploading a chapter a day for the next 13 days. Some of these chapters will contain links to later chapters; if that chapter isn’t uploaded yet, I’ll add in the link retrospectively, so that might be why the links don’t all work on first read. With chapters that have an episode in parentheses beside, I strongly recommend either watching the episode before reading the meta, or even better to do a simultaneous read and watch through with your finger on the pause button. The only episode which doesn’t do a play by play is TLD 1/2 , purely for time reasons (my college term starts very soon and I really needed this meta put to bed for the sake of my degree!).

The other thing worth saying is that if you want this meta as a word document for some reason, drop me a message – I’m more than happy to share it that way as well. It is a cool 50k so takes some reading. This chapter has been a bit of a nothing, but I hope it lays the groundwork for what to expect from the next 12 – I’ll see you over the next 12 days!

[lusus-automata]

In honor of segawa releasing a new game, I've been replaying end roll and I've just finished day 2, here are some thoughts I had while replaying

This was going to be under a read more, but apparently I dont know how to make those on mobile RIP dashes I'm genuinely sorry

Thought the first: in the intro sequence, someone (presumably a guard or escort of sort) mentions how embarrassing it is that someone as awful as russell gets to "live in such comfort" but like what fucking comfort??? theres nothing in the fucking room except for: a bed, a stand for the happy dream serum, and a tv that insults you it's not exactly the pinnacle of luxury dude

Anyway

Thought the second: I forgot how funny the conversation with gardenia is if you talk to her before going into the dozing forest with tabasa its fucking great

Thought the third: speaking of the more comedic parts of this game, if you talk to dogma a second time on the first day, he'll tell you that he hasn't finished cleaning the church and you shouldnt look too hard under the pews oh dogma this is why you're my favorite toscarina sibling

Thought the fourth: I really love the existence of the second gardenia. Like I know on a meta level she probably came to be because segawa needed a way for players to buy food while gardenia is in your party, but love the way it also feeds into the larger purpose of the happy dream. On a story level, there are two gardenias because russell doesnt know what the real gardenia was like. He never spoke to her and the birthday party was probably his first extended interaction with her and I doubt he was paying attention to what she was like. Therefore, the happy dream provides two possible gardenias. Who knows if either of them are accurate to the real deal. Russell sure doesnt and that's kinda the point. Theres A LOT of stuff in the happy dream that informs the player about russell and his psychology and his past without having to do so directly its fucking great

I might elaborate on some of that stuff later, it really deserves analysis

Thought the fifth: everything about the informant is genius. Who better to know you, then you? His dialogue is some of my favorite in the game because he has fucking ZERO sympathy for russell. But of course he doesnt! More than anything else in the happy dream, the informant is a direct reflection of russell. He is the part of russell that knows everything he did and WHY. Even when there was no "why." Especially then in fact.

If the purpose of the residents of the nameless town are to make russell feel guilty for the lives hes taken, then the informant exists to make russell feel guilty that he was the kind of person who could take those lives in the first place. "A horrible monster for whom motive is an afterthought" (or something like that, I havent reached that line again yet)

Hes my favorite character in this whole game hes great I might talk about him more later but that's enough for now

Thought the sixth: theres a maneki neko in kanteras store, but if you interact with it, russell doesnt know what it is. Russells level of knowledge about japan is all over the fucking place.

Things russell knows about japan: funeral processions, higanbana and their ties to death, at least some kanji (theres a few kanji characters here and there)

Things russell doesnt know about japan: its fucking NAME

Thought the seventh: okay this isnt actually in the game, but if you read the README file theres a bit that goes "almost all of the graphics and BGM are original, so please praise me" hkjkhkkjhk segawa I don't need you to remind me to do that your music SLAPS

Uuuuhhhh that's all I can think of for now may post again as I continue through the game

In the mean time, I encourage you to replay (or play for the first time) there are still things in this game I am discovering even though this is my fourth playthrough did you know theres a super ball hidden under one of the carpets in the sad birthday area? I didnt! Interact with everthing is the pro rpg advice

[cryptidshuffle]

the less we say about it the better - chp 1

ao3

Rating: Teen Fandom: Half-Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware Relationships: Tommy Coolatta & Gordon Freeman, Tommy Coolatta/Gordon Freeman (pre relationship) Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Post-Canon, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Temporary Character Death(its benrey dont worry hes ok), meta about deaths and respawns, arguing about the rules of uno, gay pining, Mutual Pining, fellas is it gay to comfort ur friend who u love and are both boys?, also fair warning it'll eventually be a poly ship with benrey, Autistic Character, Autistic Tommy, ADHD Gordon, everyone is gay and trans, Other Additional Tags to Be Added

Summary: “after everything we’ve been through we deserve a few mental break downs.” they are trying to recover after black mesa, but recovery is hard. especially when one of you is still dead

---------------

They had been out of Black Mesa for a few weeks now. It was difficult trying to acclimate to life after the incident, but they were all making it work.

The science team had gotten together for some sort of game night, something cathartic about being around others who share the same trauma. Anyways, snacks and Uno was just as chaotic as one would imagine with this group of chucklefucks, with competitive tensions high on the last round of the night.

“You can’t stack the draw 4 cards, Gordon,” Bubby argued, smacking Gordon’s hand just as he placed the card.

“Says who?”

“It’s literally against the fucking rules of the game,” Bubby said back.

Tommy agreed with, “It is in the official rules, Mr. Freeman, they- Mattel confirmed it on Twitter.”

“But that’s dumb!” Gordon argued back, “I’ve always played where you can stack those, why change that now?"

Bubby retorted, “Well maybe you’ve always been playing wrong, huh? Ever thought about that, smartass?”

Dr. Coomer chimed in with, “Well on the official page for Uno (card game) on Wikipedia, the free online encyclopedia that anyone can edit, it states that

The following official house rules are suggested in the Uno rulebook, to alter the game:

Progressive Uno: If a draw card is played, and the following player has the same card, they can play that card and "stack" the penalty, which adds to the current penalty and passes it to the following player.[4](Although a +4 cannot be stacked on a +2, or vice versa.)[6] This house rule is so commonly used that there was widespread Twitter surprise in 2019 when Mattel stated that stacking was not part of the standard rules of Uno.[6]”

“Well, there you have it,” Gordon exclaims, interrupting Coomer’s Wikipedia infodump, “Just because it’s a house rule doesn’t mean it’s not a legitimate way of playing."

“What if I don’t want to play with that rule, that’s fuckin stupid,” Bubby grumbles.

“Jesus ok, I'll play a different card, happy?” Gordon says dejectedly, taking back his controversial draw 4 card for a more innocuous one. “It’s your turn anyways.”

Bubby throws down his last card onto the pile. “I win fuckers!!!! Ahahahahaha!"

“You wouldn’t have won if you let me stack the fucking cards,” Gordon said as he threw his losing card pile onto the coffee table.

“Don’t fret Gordon! Bubby is just extremely good at card games,” Dr. Coomer replied.

“You're forgetting I’m a goddamn genius, that extends to my sick-ass Uno skills,” Bubby bragged.

Gordon chuckled, watching the two older scientists get up to leave, and watching Tommy remain, quietly cleaning up the uno deck into neat piles to place in its box.

“Well gentlemen, it’s been fun, though I think it’s time Bubby and I better get going!” Dr. Coomer said.

“No problem, don’t want you two to be late for your old man early-bird breakfast at Golden Corral tomorrow!” Gordon teased.

“Shut the fuck- I’ll kick your ass,” said Bubby.

“Hello Gord- Actually our old man breakfast is not until Saturday! It’s the one day a week I let loose and unhinge my jaws at the buffet like a Burmese Python!” said Dr. Coomer as Bubby grabs his coat and keys.

“That sounds absolutely horrifying,” Gordon laughs.

“It really is,” says Bubby. “Well, see you later asshole,” Bubby says, herding himself and Coomer out the front door.

“See you guys later,” Gordon says.

“Goodbye, Gordon! Goodbye, Tommy,” Coomer also says, before they leave Gordon’s apartment.

Tommy had yet to get up to leave, he stayed sitting in his seat staring into space, and fiddling with the Uno card deck.

“Hey Tommy, you alright man?” he asked gently. At the mention of his name, he was shaken a bit out of his stupor.

“Y-yeah I'm fine Mr. Freeman, why do you ask?”

“I mean you were kinda just staring into space for a bit, and you didn’t say anything when Bubby and Coomer left.”

“Oh shit. Sorry about that, I’ll get out of your hair,” Tommy said, starting to move to leave.

Gordon placed a hand on Tommy’s shoulder. “Hey, if something’s bothering you, just know I’m here if you wanna talk about it,” Gordon comforted.

Tommy blushed slightly at the contact and nodded.

“Thank you. I-uh… I’ve just been thinking about things that happened back in Black Mesa and, you know,” he pauses to think for a bit, and sighs, “honestly I’ve been thinking a lot about Benrey.”

Just at the mention of him, Gordon felt his stomach drop with the weight of too many emotions.

“Yeah...I uh… I understand,” he responds with a sad sigh, “anything in particular you’re thinking about him?”

“I don’t know just kind of- Earlier I started thinking about how much he would enjoy game night. And then I started to miss him and realize that- that he’s not here. I feel guilty about killing him and upset at what he did. He was still my friend and I just- I want to know why he did what he did. I just want to understand,” Tommy said.

Gordon looked away as he thought about his own emotions regarding Benrey. He was undeniably angry with him, for getting him ambushed by the bootboys, for getting his arm cut off, frustrated with the constant taunting. Yet… he also felt guilty for some reason and he couldn’t quite place why. Gordon really didn’t want to feel guilty.

“Yeah…” Gordon sighed, “I'll be honest I do feel guilty about it too. I don’t know why because I feel like it should be justified since he did try to kill us. But there were times when him pestering me about my arm felt like… like sincere questioning? I still… I don’t know.”

“Yeah… I think-” Tommy cut himself off, staring at a fixed point in his vision, trying to decide whether or not to bring this up.

“I don’t think Benrey understood how human mortality worked.”

Well, that wasn’t what Gordon expected. “What do you mean?”

“Well, he was from Xen, Mr. Freeman, he wasn’t human. It was different for him. You remember he did die several times, but he came back eventually. He had to wait for his form to regenerate.”

“Wait-” this time Gordon cut Tommy off, “Oh shit, that wasn’t a joke?  For some reason I just assumed his talking about respawns and shit was part of his Epic Gamer bit?”

“I mean it was a little but I think… there’s probably a reason Benrey attached himself to video games so much, yeah? He can see himself in the structure. Like, uh- something he can relate to.” Tommy says. “It doesn’t excuse what- what he did, but I feel like knowing why things happened makes- makes them more understandable.”

Gordon leaned back on the couch blown away by the revelation. In hindsight it wasn’t that surprising but it took him a few seconds to come to terms with the reality.

“Yeah, when you put it that way, I guess it does make a lot of sense. Wait though, I swear to god all of you have died at least once, but you guys aren’t from Xen?” Gordon said, now confused about the seeming metanarrative of the mortality of his friends.

“Yeah, but those were weird Black Mesa things, Mr. Freeman,” Tommy said, not elaborating any more than that.

Gordon waited a beat for Tommy to explain more but he said all he needed to.

“I will ask you more about that later, but I do not have the energy to unpack all that right now,” Gordon said with a gentle laugh.

“Wait, getting back on topic real quick, why couldn’t Benrey just... respawn now? Did we really get him that good?”

Tommy looked incredibly sad when Gordon said this, and he regretted it immediately.  ‘Damn it Gordon, Tommy’s clearly upset about Benrey, you don’t gotta be an insensitive dick.’

“Well Mr. Freeman, that’s kinda why I’ve been thinking about him,” Tommy said, “I’m not sure. It shouldn’t have taken him this long to respawn. Depending on the amount of damage it takes longer but… It’s been a while and what if- What if he is back but he is mad at all of us and that’s why we haven’t seen him? Or what if it is taking a really long time because we hurt him a whole lot. Or what if we…”

Tommy got quiet for a few seconds, the silence in the room was deafening. For an instance Gordon felt as if making a sound would shatter the air like glass.

Tommy finally said with a whisper, voice thick with choking back tears, “What if we killed him for good? And I don’t- I never see him again?”

It honestly broke Gordon’s heart how distraught Tommy was. Pushing his own complicated Benrey feelings aside, he was gonna focus on Tommy here and now.

“…Tommy, is it ok if I hug you, man?” Gordon couldn’t think of the best way to comfort the other man with words, but physical comfort he could do.

Tommy looked a little surprised at this ask but nodded. Gordon leaned in to hug the other scientist and Tommy collapsed in his embrace, completely breaking down.

Gordon just sat there and held him as Tommy sobbed into his shoulder, trying to comfort the crying man by rubbing circles into his back.

Gordon’s brain processed the things Tommy had said. Was Benrey really gone? Why did he feel guilty about the idea of having killed Benrey, he was fine with the concept during the final boss fight on Xen but now… the thought made him feel… sad? Regretful? Even his seemingly rational justifications didn’t seem as clear at the moment, only thinking of his fonder memories with Benrey.

‘Fuck this,’ he thought as he felt his own tears well up, ‘this isn’t about me, I need to focus on being there for Tommy,’ pushing his own feelings to the back of his mind to be dealt with later.

Tommy eventually calmed down enough where his sobs turned into sniffles, and he started to pull away from the hug.

“S – sorry for having a – a breakdown on your- on your couch Mr. Freeman,” Tommy said, the post-crying mental fog making his stuttering more noticeable. Tommy didn’t really have the effort in him to care.

“Don’t worry about it, man, after everything we’ve been through we deserve a few mental breakdowns,” Gordon joked trying to lighten the mood.

“Oh, that was nothing, Mr. Freeman, in terms of mental breakdowns that was as mild as a first-grade pizza party in the eye of a hurricane,” Tommy compared in a way that made little sense to Gordon, yet ridiculous enough to cause the man to burst out laughing.

“Alright I’ll take your word for it,” Gordon said, still laughing.

“I’m serious Mr. Freeman, once you have a meltdown so intense that you accidentally teleport yourself to an inter-dimensional void, the rest is a cake walk at the school fair,” Tommy said.

“Waitwaitwait- teleport?” he leaned back to look at him in surprise, “Since when could you fuckin teleport!” Gordon asked caught off guard.

“You know, learned some things from my Dad,” Tommy said, again failing to further explain himself.

“…Well alright. Yeah that tracks.”

Gordon was quiet for a moment before responding with, “You know, Tommy, I want you to know I’m here for you if you need anyone to talk to. You were there for me when I was at my lowest in Black Mesa, and I wanna be that friend to you if you need it,” he said giving the other scientists hand a comforting squeeze.

Tommy smiled, “Thank you, that means a lot Mr. Freeman.”

“You know you can call me Gordon, you don’t have to be so formal all the time Dr. Coolatta,” he teased.

Tommy blushed, ‘dammit why did he have to be so cute?’

“Wow Mr. Fr – Gordon are you really gonna make fun of my doctorate that I worked very hard for,” Tommy teased back, still a bit sniffly from crying.

“Dude, I cannot imagine you in college for some reason, what was your doctorate even in” asked Gordon, semi-jokingly, but still a bit serious.

Tommy laughed a bit, wiping the remaining tears away with the back of his hand. “Bio-chemical engineering. Creating Sunkist was for my thesis project.” Normally Tommy would be more then willing to infodump about the topic but he found his energy to be draining fast.

“What the fuck, that’s cooler than mine was. Us nerds in the Theoretical Physics department didn’t do any crazy shit like that,” Gordon said.

“Bold of you to assume I was a nerd, G-Gordon. I was the craziest guy in the frat house,” Tommy said.

Gordon’s memory vaguely recalls Tommy’s insistence that he “do something crazy” when drinking Darnold’s Potion of Grow Gun Arm.

“You know what, yeah, surprisingly I can see that image vividly in my head,” Gordon said. “Real talk though…” he said changing the subject and putting his hand on Tommy’s shoulder, “Are you- uh, ok? Like feeling better?”

Tommy was quiet for a second, eyes flickering down to look at his fidgeting hands in his lap, before replying with, “I’m ok. N-not great, I don’t think, but I will be.”

Gordon nodded. “Tommy, if there’s one nugget of wisdom that I have to share, it’s that healing takes time, things usually turn out to be ok in the end. No matter what’s going on with Benrey…it'll be alright, I’m sure.” Gordon patted his shoulder for emphasis, “not the best advice out there but it’s the best I can come up with straight off the dome. And I don’t wanna seem like I didn’t try to help you out."

Tommy laughed gently, “Thank you Mr. Fr- uh, thank you Gordon. You did help. Even if- if your advice was a bit cheesy.”

“Whatever man, you can’t blame me for trying,” Gordon laughed, playfully shoving Tommy where his hand had previously rested on the other man’s shoulder. Tommy laughed in return. He only noticed the warmth of Gordon’s touch once it was gone.

Tommy absentmindedly noticed the time on the wall clock in Gordon’s apartment. Jesus, 11:30? When did it get so late? The older scientist really hoped he wasn’t overstaying his welcome; While he would love to just stay here and joke around, he had already bothered Mr. Freeman enough and was already exhausted.

“I- I’m probably gonna head back home now, I didn’t realize how late it was,” Tommy said, standing up from his spot next to Gordon.

Gordon nodded. He had the passing thought of offering for Tommy to stay but… maybe that was a step too far. ‘Tommy probably wants his space,’ Gordon rationalized to himself.

He nodded, “Alright, don’t let me keep you,” he said, getting up as well to help Tommy gather his belongings. Which, to be honest Tommy didn’t bring much but some snacks for the group, but Gordon just needed an excuse to do anything.

Gordon walked Tommy to the front door of his apartment, like the good host he was, opening the door for him.

“Thanks for coming over Tommy,” he said.

Tommy nodded. “Thank- thank you again for letting me talk about Benrey, I know it was kinda rough there at the end, but if you ever need to talk about anything… I'm here for you as well.”

Gordon smiled, “Thank you Tommy, I'll keep that in mind.”

Tommy smiled in return, “Have a good night G-Gordon,” he said turning to head to his car.

“Goodnight Tommy.” Gordon turns to head back inside, but before he does, he can’t resist one more jab.

“Thought you could teleport?” he calls out teasingly.

Tommy flips him off, which causes Gordon to laugh harder. “Gives me a headache,” Tommy called back, trying and failing keep a straight face.

Gordon laughs as he waves a final goodbye, turning back inside and closing the door after Tommy waves as well. His thoughts race as he gets ready for bed, trying to ignore his fluttering heartbeat as he lays down for the night.

Tommy shuffles his thoughts in his head as he drives home. The emotional rollercoaster of his already draining social interaction meter from the science team, his Benrey guilt, and his small crush on Gordon was just too much for one day. His hands clench and unclench the steering wheel, looking forward to collapsing in bed for the night, hoping his dad won’t notice he'd been crying.

Somewhere, in an interdimensional void far away from this reality, someone begins to shift awake.

[lightninginabottle0613]

Head canon for who you think should rule the 6/7 kingdoms? If you agree with the secession of The North? Who you think should be the king/queen of the north? Do you think Gendry would keep his title or let the Baratheon name die? Or do you think he’d keep Waters but still rule Storm’s End? I love hearing your head canons!!

i feel like a broken record lol but this one is truly so hard! i really don’t know if i have any major headcanons for any of these questions tbh. i do know that i hated the show ending a lot, for many reasons, and i definitely headcanon that it does not end up like that. i don’t think that’s too controversial to say 😂

(here is the part where i once again remind everyone that i have not read the books ok, ahh)

👑 who should rule headcanons 👑

i do like/agree with the secession of the north, generally

and i ... tend to still think that dany will die by the end of the series (but i don’t think jon will kill her)

so even though i love a queen dany, i don’t think it will happen :(

i’m going to link to this post by @misseffie (that i just had to dig for lmao, and i’m so glad i found it, because it articulates this so much better than i ever could) to explain my ‘who should/will rule the north’ headcanon

aGAIN, i have not read the books, so i feel wildly out of my depth here, but from what i understand/have read, one of the main injustices of the show was the lack of the arya/winterfell plot

so i’m not gonna elaborate any more, except to say that i headcanon arya’s home base forever being winterfell, once she makes it back ✨

as far as king/queen of the rest of the kingdoms, i do like a queen sansa I of house stark!

i really love the ‘younger, more beautiful queen’ theory when it comes to sansa. obviously that is margaery first, but i like thinking that it ultimately means sansa

and i tend to think that sansa’s political prowess can/should extend beyond just winterfell

i have read some metas written by people who are very against this for many reasons, not the least of which is that it would feel like a regression/character-stagnation for sansa, but i disagree!

i think (or feel like) sansa had all of these wistful ideals about what it would mean to be the queen when she was a little girl, but they were all rooted in becoming the queen through marriage

in this headcanon, all of that is turned on its ... head (ha), when she becomes queen entirely on her own & redefines what that all means 

so this might be a sort of surface-level headcanon, but i think the symbol of sansa outliving all of her abusers and reigning in/reclaiming a city that was so awful to her for so long, is very powerful

as far as the baratheon thing -

gendry? gendry ‘fuck the police’ waters? accepting a lordship? i really ... really don’t think so, sorry 

i don’t think the baratheon name would die. i do think/headcanon that edric will be legitimized and take over storm’s end 

but again, circling back to the post i linked above, i (obviously) headcanon arya and gendry getting married & him acting as a sort of consort to his wife. maybe even being something like the master of arms, but ultimately working in/overseeing the forge

i think in the past i might have foolishly said i liked the idea of arya being in sansa’s queensguard and i would just like to officially redact that lmao. 

arya being willfully celibate in a world where gendry exists? i’m ... if you ever read a post where i wrote that, no you didn’t 💘

i’m also gonna stick with my headcanon that gendry keeps his last name as waters 😇 but still introduces himself as ‘arya stark’s husband’

i feel like these were all over the place 😂 and i’m nervous to post this bc this stuff is so polarizing! so please be nice to me lol, i just basically think the stark sisters are important & dynamic in their own rights & equally fit to rule - it would just look differently for each of them.

& imagine sansa as the first power lesbian queen of westeros ... i know this would never happen but i will add this as a crack headcanon, as a treat