#i will go in to get my right ear done
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anyone here able to tell me how long i need to let my cartilage piercings heal before i can change the jewelry on them? for refence i got an industrial, a helix just below it, a conch, and then i also got a second lobe. i got them pierced at the end of july so it's been just over two months. i know it takes about 6 months for cartilage piercings to fully heal but do i have to wait that long before i can change the jewelry or can i start doing that in the next month or two? they've healed pretty well for the most part, but it did take about 3-4 weeks for the swelling and redness to finally go down. i'm also pretty sure either the lower industrial or the helix got infected about a week after i got them. they all look pretty good now except for the second lobe, which got pulled out about two weeks post-piercing and has been tender ever since.....
#ky speaks#piercing advice#this is all on the same ear btw#i got my left ear done#and once i can change to smaller jewelry and start sleeping on that ear again#i will go in to get my right ear done#that's why i need to know when i can start changing them#i also know i shouldn't put any curved jewelry like hoops in until its 100% healed#cause it can change the shape of the piercing#but i just want to put in shorter studs#the ones my piercer put in are really long#i know its to allow for swelling#but i can't sleep on that ear not because its tender but because the studs stab me in the head#also can't wear headphones which is a HUGE bummer
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Charles Rowland Week Day Five — Earring/AU
Yes this is late but shhhh this ficlet was not working with me!! Still not happy with it but here we are. TW: slurs for South Asian and queer people mentioned (aka paki and fag) as Charles recounts what some of the awful other guys were saying to him. Take care of yourself as always :) hope you enjoy!!
Charles knew it wasn’t fair of him to slam the door open. He came back practically right after class, for once, and he knew that Edwin would be doing homework at his desk. Sudden sounds were worse for Charles than Edwin, for the most part, but it was still a dick move on his part to just bang the door open, storm in, dump his stuff, and then immediately set about taking a shower. In his defence it had been a truly awful day and he figured it was better to take his anger out on inanimate objects than snap (or worse) at Edwin himself.
But, again, this was completely unknown to Edwin, who jumped and twisted in his seat to see what the noise was. He calmed a bit at seeing it was Charles, but still tore his headphones from his ears to start up, “Charles! What the devil has gotten into you?” When Charles dropped his stuff off without responding, Edwin continued, “Is everything alright? Are you alright?”
Charles whipped off his top, threw it in the vague direction of his hamper, and started pacing and taking his socks off at the same time (which doesn’t work very well, but he was too angry to think that through), “It’s those dicks in my woodwork class again! I swear to fuck I am going to drive one of those hammers through their fucking heads, nail their empty skulls together so they might have some fucking use!”
Edwin somehow audibly blinked, “Well. That’s a picture. What have they done this time?”
Charles managed to still himself to unbutton his jeans, “More homophobic, racist shit. ‘Charlie! Charlie! Is the earring because you’re a gross fag or a fucking paki?’ Absolute arseholes. Like it’s any of their fucking business—they wouldn’t know culture if it shagged their mums.”
Another blink, “They really got to you today, it seems. You should take solace in the fact that they’re uneducated as you can be and still stay at this school. Not only are they on the tutoring list—none of which I will ever touch, of course—but anyone with any knowledge of South Asian or gay cultures would know that you would need to have the right, not the left ear pierced.”
Somehow, this logic broke through Charles’s temper (which had to be a special skill of Edwin’s���most people manage to rile him up more). Charles paused in this process of emptying his jeans pockets and stared at his roommate/best friend, “Wait, what? Did you research that?”
Edwin didn’t blush often, but when he did it was always paired with the sternest of expressions and fiddling of his hands. Charles thought it was cute, not that he’d ever say that to another boy. But Edwin assumed that face and Charles thought about it anyway, slightly distracted as Edwin explained, “It was a long time ago, if you must know. Right when you came back with your left ear pierced, in fact. I was… concerned, that I may say something wrong or misinterpret any of it. I had no wish to offend you, which included not asking you outright. … So yes, I ‘researched’ it.”
Charles felt warm to his core in a good way for once, not how anger had been burning through him minutes before. Edwin had really taken the time to look it up, just for Charles? And—, “Wait, researched it how? The Indian ear piercing thing—which isn’t what this is, ‘n case that wasn’t clear—is usually for babies and they get both ears done. The gay thing— that’s not exactly in the library, innit?”
Edwin continued fidgeting, eventually pulling out his little personal notebook for reference of some sort, “In my research I found that which ear was pierced first was a gendered tradition—right ear first for boys, left ear first for girls. Following that was an awfully confusing description of some sort of thread used in place of an earring, which didn’t apply to your piercing so I chose not to pursue it further. As for the— the other, well. Do you remember the boy I tutor for mathematics?”
Charles wasn’t exactly following yet but couldn’t resist in of their usual jokes, “Monty or something, yeah? The one who’s gaga over you.”
As expected, Edwin rolled his eyes (and remained pink in the cheeks) and continued, “Monty, yes. One of his friends was in the area when our session wrapped up and came by to chat. Thomas, I think his name was. He had only one ear pierced as well, though his was on the right. I was pondering if I could naturally bring it up in conversation without being rude—“
“Aw, but you love being rude.”
Edwin’s flat stare caused giggles to flurry through Charles, who tried to quell them to better listen to the story, “—I had no interest in coming across as rude to a new acquaintance. He noticed me staring at the earring, unfortunately. He had already made some … interesting comments—“
Charles bristled, “Oi, what kind of interesting?”
Edwin somehow got redder and redder in the face by the second, “It’s unimportant to the story, Charles, now let me finish!” He waisted for Charles to nod before continuing, “Quite right. Now, Thomas had already complimented me and must have seen me as… I believe he thought that he and I were cut from similar cloth. He was all too glad to point out my staring at his jewellery, in front of Monty and all!, and tell me about its meaning. I was— mortified, to say the least. The proximity—“
“He made you uncomfortable? That wanker. What did you say his name was?” Charles couldn’t help himself—if someone was freaking Edwin out it was Charles who was going to bat, literally.
Edwin huffed, “He leaned in closer than I anticipated and whispered it to me. It caught me off guard. And considering he is a near stranger—yes, I was uncomfortable, but it is perfectly fine without any need for violence, Charles.”
Charles relaxed his grip on the cricket bat he kept at his nightstand, taking a deep breath to try and return to semi-peaceful. It was just him and Edwin, there was no present danger. If Edwin said it’s okay, he should trust him. Charles took another breath before responding, “Right. Well. If he ever does it again and you want to do something about it.”
Edwin’s soft smile returned, “Thank you, Charles. Though I do not believe it will come to that. But yes, that was my research at the time. I believe it was sometime during the infection that you admitted it was all for aesthetic purposes.”
Charles would usually get playfully riled up at that, but he was still keeping that anger bolted down in the basement of his mind so he decided against it. Naturally, he decided to return to jokes instead, “I can’t believe you were researching earrings just in case I was, what, a very late to the party traditional Indian baby? Or decided to pierce my eat instead of telling you I liked blokes? C’mon mate, have more faith in me than that!”
Charles must have said something wrong—Edwin’s fidgeting was back. The soft smile was all but gone, too, “Of course I do, I just— this was a while ago, and I—“ He sighed, running his hands through his usually perfectly gelled hair, looking directly at Charles for only a second, “Charles, I refuse to continue this conversation while you stand there in your boxers.”
Although tempted to poke fun at Edwin for being prudish, that was one of the issues he’d learned not to push—between his fucked up family and his general Edwin-ness, Charles had learned nudity, sex, and the like weren’t well-received. Maybe one of these days they could discuss all of that, but not today. They’d both had quite a lot of Feelings for today.
Charles resumed his usual grin, grabbing what he needed for a shower, “Well I’m showering before we continue, then. Am I all set to use the bathroom?”
Edwin waved him on, replacing his headphones and returning to his homework. Charles took the dismissal without issue and went to take his shower as intended—only stopping to stare at (the earring) himself in the mirror for a tad longer than normal. He’d never regret it based on how cool it looked, obviously, but still. Being kicked around for so long sometimes makes you wonder if it’s be easier to join the team.
Nah, fuck that. Those poor sods can’t even spell aesthetic, let alone understand it. The earring was part of him, and he still cuddled the warm feeling of Edwin’s care to his chest. Going through all that effort—well, not really effort to get flirted with by some bloke called Thomas—to make sure he wasn’t going to hurt Charles’s feelings? For not the first and definitely not the last time, Charles took a second to appreciate it—he really was lucky to have Edwin around.
#charles rowland#charles rowland week#dead boy detectives#dbda#edwin payne#payneland#in case that wasn’t obvious#at some point this leads to Charles straddling Edwin while piercing Edwin’s right ear btw ;)#just didn’t manage to quite get there#dead boy detective agency#save dead boy detectives#my ficlet#dbda fanfic#dbda fic#tw slurs#tw racial slurs#tw homophobia#OH ALSO this is an alive boys AU in case that wasn’t clear!!#the time period could be 80s through modern day doesn’t really matter#Edwin is listening to music on headphones and that’s about it to date it#also I am American and have no doubt that some of my terminology is incorrect re: British school / boarding /etc#but I need to be done with this so you’re going to have to forgive me#also also with that this is not edited like at all#I cannot deal with that rn#so you’ll have to forgive me
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sometimes looking at like Self Help Strategies lists for the symptoms I'm having is always just like:
thing that I already do
thing I have tried 10 times
thing I already do
thing that I don't have the money to do
thing I already do
thing I've been doing since I was 10yrs old to no avail
thing that is impossible given my situation
thing that doesn't apply to me
thing that I already do
thing I have already tried
hrmm, oh wait, maybe finally- OH, yeah.. okay. thing that I already do but it was just phrased slightly differently
thing I have already done
#I think maybe productivity tips help less if the reason you're unproductive is partially like.. physcial health and other extenral things#out of your control. rather than just like having trouble paying attention or spending too much time on tiktok or whatever#all the strategic to do lists in the world are not going to somehow prevent me from waking up with a debilitating migraine or whatever#or having external stressors or lacking resources and connections or other Productivity Essentials etc.#especially many tips involve stuff like 'cut off from social media' since thats the modern day time waster for so many poeple#and it's like.. lol.. i can hardly even maintain a blog even thuogh i actively WANT TO DO SO. 'shut off your smart phone!' already#done babey i fucking hate smart phones i shall never use an app unless i am forced to. 'delete tiktok' yep. already covered. tiktok and#all of those thinsg are my enemies. 'save money by cancelling some of your services' cool. already ahead of you.#who the fuck is out here paying for like 10 different subscription services. pirated videos uploaded to google drive and youtube to mp3#my beloved. etc. etc. and so on. 'socialize less' .........LOL.. if only you knew.. mr.writer of the article. i can barely muster#talking to friends more than once a month and even less if I'm actively sick (often occurence) etc. etc. ... hewoo#I think maybe instead of generic productivity tips I need more like.. how to refocus and be productive anyway even if you have a headache#or are nauseous or etc. Not that those are always things to ignore. and of course you should let your body rest and etc. But plenty of peop#e have mild physical symptoms and just work through them. Ithink something about the way my body/mind is SOO hyper attuned to all#sensory information just makes it like... constantly 'GRR well I cant focus on WRITING right now because my lef#t ear feels weird and my socks are too itchy and my back has a strange pressure and I'm vaguely warm and my eye feels some ssort of#way it doesnt normally feel and I'm hyperaware of my breathing and also nauseous for no reason' and like half of those things I#think '''normal''' people wouldnt even notice or at least would be able to just live through. but for me it's like.. nealry impossible to i#gnore and soooo distracting always. like 'wahh.. nooo we can't draw or get anything done.. my legs feel slightly heavy or something!!'#like............. ok......... who cares. thats not even a PAIN sensation it's just something weird. but it's just like.. NO. constant#mental alerts about the 'heaviness' of your legs be upon ye. Though Imean like.. yes.. 70% of the time I am in genuine pain#or having some sort of actual ailment with trackable physical symptoms. but sometimes it's just like... we could totally be working right#now and ignoring this silly thing but my brain is fixated on it for no reason uncontrollably. etc. etc. I guess it's the same way that like#most people can go to a grocery store without the whole experience being so overwhelming and so much stuff going on at once#that they have to rest afterwards but like.. in my own HOME doing NOTHING i feel like I should be able to not get overwhelmed lol. ANYWAY#Rolling my bastard little rock up a dumbass hill and so on and so forth
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Gear 5 luffy's laugh is so contagious I just hear the drums and go insane how does this work. What did he do to me
#i still cant believe how much this new opening theme goes off.... DREAM SAVE ALL OF US 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH 💥💥💥💥💥💥#wait a second. the robot attacked 200 years ago. the void century was 800 years ago no????? what#oh see it was made 900 years ago.... but why did it attack 200 years ago then.... what happened#it is still so funny how they made evegapunk einstein but with some cunty long legs#200 years ago they gave rights to the gyojin!!! i see i see ✍️✍️also i still wonder why law and kuma have similar hat and pants designs#like there is NO WAY that much similarity isnt done on purpose. NO FUCKING WAY!!! I NEED ANSWERS!!!#are they annihliating cp ships akdhakskd yeah vegapunk letsgo#also the opening song is about dreams and the end one is about luffy reaching shanks...... havent got a clue why but there it is#talking tag#watching one piece#episode 1098#also is lucci named lucci bc it kinda sounds like luffy. SERAPHIM KUMA HAS HIS DEVIL FRUIT???? vegapunk could only make zoan fruits????#also wdym when cp0 acts it means its some historic event. lucci is like 25. where are the experienced people here#sentomaru works for vegapunk??? maybe i forgor about this tbh also do theu have a doffy seraphim??? the fact they have animal names....#stussy letting kaku get hurt akdhsjsn oh atlas has lamb ears..... and lucci said she is is prey... no..... the foresahdowing :(#lucci you fucked up she just gave luffy food... that a death sentence look what happened to kaido#episode 1099#<- oh my god btw. god. jesus.#why is akainu telling the cp0 what to do or thinks he can do that... thats the world gov... also thinkng about how garp should fight him#and not luffy.... because of ace you know... i still wonder how did sengoku know who ace's father was... there is only one man who knew....#everyone trying to stop them from fighting ajdhsksjks two rabid dogs fr#LUFFY TAKING OFF HIS JACKET WHEN LUCCI ASKS FOR HIS WANTED SIGN!!!! GO OFF KING!!!! SLAY!!! THE CREW SAW HIM!!! FINALLY!!!#i have been smiling since he started the transformation this is so sick...... i have got a case of the luffy brain#zoan fruits steal the personality of the user when they awaken ✍️✍️ luffy???? nami being the only one who saw gear 5 <3 twins manifesto#robin being so shook about luffy being a god ajdbjansk wdym devil fruits exist because people wish for them. fairy magic real????#WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY ARE FROM ALTERNATE REALITIES WHERE SOMEONE DREAMT ABOUT THEM??? DOES HE TRAVEL THRU REALITIES FOR THEM???#jinbe has been making this face 😧 every episode three times it is amazing ajdhaksnsk poor man... now he sees a kid angel version of himself#after seeing hia captain turn into a god... he is gonna get a stroke OMG SENTOMARU WE JUST GOT YOU BACK#episode 1100#<- CRAZY. INSANE. OH GOD. ONLY 12 LEFT. THATS A WEEKEND!!! I CANT DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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If you tracked my eye activity on that bliss promo pic with the tops it would be something like this
Making a major stop at topper
Before crashing into a ditch (yakuya corner)
#i'm having a moment. the only time i'll ever see these two standing next to each other is in a promotional pic for the sfw game version#FOR SERIOUS i was weirded out by this combination of characters in one pic when i first saw it#i was like oh?? they doing a random assortment now? i mean sure! yeah! i guess! spice it up they look great!!#then someone pointed out that this was Tops Only#then showed me the corresponding picture of Bottoms Only#and i felt my eyebrow raise sharply#OOOH.... i didn't even consider... right.... top bottom segregation#(reality does not occur to me. i see them all through switch-coloured lenses and thus ignore information inconvenient to my preference)#then i started thinking more about the . idea of it. that the tops are in a bar's hidden back room with mafia boss dante#and the bottoms are hanging out in the airy beautiful atrium of pure white snow and lilting piano music#tops are like WELCOME TO THE LIONS DEN and bottoms are like HEY COME INTO THE AVIARY AND SIT WITH US 🥰#i dwelt on the fact that i was weirded out by yakumo in this group#and it made me think about how..... yakumo would be scared of all the other tops#all of them are INTIMIDATION 100 to hiim#so i imagine after you get him to pose for this shot with everyone. and the business is done#yakumo will quickly retreat to the room with the bottoms (where all his friends are)#blade being the adaptable little creature he is will be like OH COOL ARE YOU GOING TO SEE THE OTHERS??#I WANT TO SEE THE OTHERS TOO!! MORE FRIENDS!! LET'S GO TOGETHER n_n *links arms* *DRAGS everyone else out of the room*#imagining yaku being first ushered into this dark room with kuya dante and quincy#and he's just nervously glancing at topper for reassurance that there's no danger#just trembling and thinking about how he wants his emotional support wolf/vice captain/priest/earring twin senpai#no yakumo. i wanted you to mingle. and you shall mingle#wear matching outfits with your fellow Tops and (topp) until you build trust and reduce their Intimidation Factors#nu carnival dante#nu carnival blade#nu carnival quincy#nu carnival kuya#nu carnival yakumo
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buck and eddie would be the most insane PTA moms ever, actually. because eddie loves his son and being a bitch and buck loves bossing people around with a clipboard and being involved.
#eddie would absolutely have beef with one of the moms over something stupid like the bake sale banner colors or something#and would convince buck to join the planning/organizing commitee and buck would be all okay!!!! yay that sounds so fun!! :)!!#and buck would end up taking it Very Seriously and whenever eddie tries to tell him ideas for the bake sale buck would get all ah ah ah#as a member of the committee i cannot consider new ideas without consulting the other committee member#eddie always complains that hes just brain storming and needs to bounce ideas off of buck and buck would just be all rules are rules eddie#so eddie has to present his ideas to the pta like all the other parents and buck doesnt ever appear to treat his ideas any differently so#eddie always catches his eye after hes done and winks at him and buck just glares back at him with red ears and ofc buck (usually) ends up#voting in favor of eddie and buck scolds him after meetings because “its inappropriate to flirt to try and get my favor eddie”#“i already have your favor buck. and when you have a clipboard its really hard not to flirt.”#also you know buck would be all over the micromanaging#like “hi jill you wrote down on the spreadsheet that you were going to make four dozen brownies#NOT four dozen chocolate chip cookies. now we have more chocolate chip cookies than we'll be able to sell and not enough brownies.“#and eddie would love getting involved like “yeah jill WAY too many cookies. now the sale is ruined and the kids will never get their trip.”#“eddie why dont you go set up your booth? you shouldve already done that by now...”#“right....”#like eddie would love arguing with the moms about like which activity is more suitable for earth day or whatever#they would literally love it so much#me thinks
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small update
ok so um I got my number theory paper today, and the TA had cut marks for me because i left the answer at 66^2 and not 4356 (fermat's little theorem) 😔 I even wrote the full proof
my friend told me I should mail the TA about this, I got 14/20 and should be getting 17or18/20 😔
scores aside, number theory is so much fun, so much fun. the only good thing here is that I know the concepts well, and I fully knew the paper (still fucked it up, because I'm so frickin slow while writing and time). and it hurts worse because there's not enough proof that validates my knowledge. which in turn makes me question if i actually do have any.
I am, in general, a person who does well in concepts but screws up the exams (70% of the time) and I'm trying, I'm trying to get myself out of this "exam paniK" that I often spiral into, just minutes before the exam. I hope I change and grow; I hope, I hope.
#im so sorry for this meltdown once again#so sorry#and for the paper - many people got 20#it was actually a very easy paper and yes 20 was doable#even i could've gotten a 20 had i not screwed up the way i did#and i feel so bad to even say “had i not screwed up...” the excuse sounds horrible to my ears#well what is done is done#i can only try better next time#this course might just end up being the easiest to get an A#let's hope that I don't fuck up this one too#after seeing my paper i just returned it and came back#and my friend was like “ok. why did u not ask them why you've lost so much when the concepts are all right there on your paper?”#and i was like “um so should i ask them?” she went “YES.”#but by the time i went back to the hall the TAs had left so i have to mail mine now#and im very worried that she wouldn't change the current grading#last time i missed an A in math by 1/2 marks and i don't want the same thing to happen this time 😔😔#oh god ONE good thing can help me right now please#ru's trying#JUST 1 good thing#just give me ONE#i was so out of sorts today i slept for ~5 hours during the day and missed my calc class#i deliberately missed it though bc i wasn't feeling up to mark#i regret not going but my brain simply said no we're not there atm so maybe it was for the better#once again im so so SO sorry for the meltdowns lately#it's been bad rains and cloudy days in my head for a while now#i hope for the sun soon
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I think every social media website should have an effective tagging system, just my thoughts
#clemramble#i want to post some more of my art on twt but i also want to tag it effectively but idk how the tagging system works on there#since hashtags seem to do very little on there#if theres one thing tumblr has done right its the tagging system . this is awesome i love putting things in tags like its me whispering#directly into your ear extra info that you really didnt need to know#and also the ability to mute hashtags is awesome. even if it doesnt completely hide it#twt is so weird in its hidden words. i have so much stuff blocked on there but the moment it gets popular the system just#doesnt work and im stuck seeing it all again. very annoying.#anyways yeah this is also a call if any one knows how the muting system on twt works and how i should best tag my stuff.please share#your wisdom. if you dont mind. i asked on twt but my regular posts kind of flop if its not art. not that i mind but the point remains#..i had thought about making another account just dedicated to like ship stuff on twt bc i have enough stuff to do that but#would it be unnecessary? idk . ignore this part sorry im rambling outloud to myself virtually through tags#i might just end up not posting it there. its like a little tumblr exclusive#im not even scared anymore ive bossed up. twt just makes me feel awkward now. its like when you enter a giant classroom and theres no empty#seats so youre forced to go up and down the isles trying to find a spot that open
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ohh I should go back to researching the piercings I wanna get..
#➳ the fool speaks#my plans in order of getting areee. another lobe piercing on each ear. septum. industrial ear. mmmaaaaybe some kind of eyebrow.#maaaaaaybe snake bites? mouth piercings scare me if i think about me getting them though. and if i got an eyebrow piercing#i probably wouldn't get both since I don't wanna go overboard#ummmmm hmm what else. bellybutton I've seen REALLY fucking pretty jewelry for but i haven't looked into the safety or care of it at all so#that one I'm suuuuper unsure about. also it sounds like a pain what if it snags on clothes or smth#anddd there's another one i could theoretically see myself getting but y'all don't need to know that one. shrug#2nd set of lobe + septum are really the only ones I'm super sure about.. everything beyond those are more and more ''we'll see if#the vibe is right when I'm a bit older and have done more research. and have the money''
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A second ear infection has hit the towers
#just when I thought I was getting better my left ear decided to check out#airpod out of battery sound but it’s my whole ear#I had to get mum to walk me up the stairs cus I was going to eat shit my balance is crazy rn#the worst part is the right ear isn’t even done yet#homeopathic noise cancelling
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not to sound like a petulant child but my entire fuckin week is ruined and i wanna kms
#basically#me and my college friends were gonna hang out together today#at this rlly nice place that i havent been to before that they were gonna show me right#we were gonna have a picnic and i bought fuckin drinks and cookies and plates n shit right#i was really excited about it bc 1. this semester legit made me wanna jump out a window so im glad its done#and 2. my friend is going back to his country next week so we were gonna have one last get together before he leaves yk#well anyway right before i was about to leave my mom's leg started hurting (though i think she did it on purpose now)#so i offered to do the wash before i left so that yk....she could rest and not fuck up her leg...common fuckin sense#anyway i started sorting the wash...tell me why she literally SPRINTS over (again...with a 'hurt' leg) and started screeching in my ear#she starts yelling 'get the fuck away from me!!!' and 'what are you doing'....WHIILE SHE WAS THE ONE UP IN MY FACE#keep in mind this is all 20 minutes before im meant to leave im literally dressed and ready to go out the door#anyway my brother broke us up and WHY WAS SHE THE ONE THAT BURST INTO TEARS???? WHEN SHE WAS THE ONE SCREECHING AND PUSHING ME#anyway i just did the wash and told my friends i couldnt make it#but i feel super shitty about it bc we were supposed to meet at 12 and i suddenly told them i couldnt make it at 11
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Someday I’ll just have my Howl-esque whimsigoth cottage core with geek couture corvid layer. Lots of soft curtains and tapestries and lamps and fairly lights. Me and my cat and my bird. Tea kettle on the stove screaming. Full spice rack.
And if people wanna see me they can come to ME and invite ME out into The Great Outside.
#tiger’s roar#…sorry just. in a mood.#on one hand. mama’s upset. which gets me on edge#on the other. pretty sure I know the chain of events: I admit I’ve been more neurotic than usual ‘cause she keeps going aVOiDiNG yOU#in my ear for. y’know what? months actually#and…if the pattern holds…the person I finally admitted that to y’know. after assuring me things are Fine very calmly and kindly and sweetly#(okay but what if I want a different friendship that whatever this hodgepodge is what then. right. letting it go. can’t force shit.#(and inadvertantly ousted my apparently even deeper than I thought attatchment issues. good grief.)#then…contronted the person who hurt me months ago by claiming I hurt them#who then privately pulled mom aside to apparently apologize? idk the details#and…mom’s now mole hunting. when. it’s me. I’m the mole#because I actually trust someone who. while IDK what to even call this#seems to have the tendency to not onlu care about me deeply despite What Level Friendship IS This#and then go tell people to apologize to me (or my mom apparently)#without…telling me that’s what’s been done but. that seems to. y’know. track.#which…if you really do care I just. I just want an actual rapport vs us dancing around one.
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Me: maybe 8 days off will fix me, maybe going back to work won’t be so bad. It’s fine. It’s fine. It’s alright
Also me: *is at work for less than two hours and already Wants to Die* Ah. Great.
#this morning already frustrated me#because so much shit was done wrong or wasn’t done at all while I was gone#because I basically manage the department even though that’s NOT MY JOB#so ofc I come back and everything is on fire and everyone is one omg you HAVE to fix this we just couldn’t do it/figure it out 🥺#when it’s something that’s so simple they just didn’t wanna do it well or right#but also#the stupid fucking gm was like ‘hey I need to talk to you. it’s about your disability accommodation’#and I. a fool. got really excited like omg!! are they finally going to approve it!!!#no. no. he basically told me to get fucked and it wasn’t going to happen#he said I could WEAR A FAN????? AROUND MY NECK???? and use that for white noise but that was it????#what???? the FUCK?????#number one I cannot express how much worse a fucking FAN going in my ears all day long would just make my sensory overload 10 times worse#but also how is that not MORE of a distraction and ‘unprofessional’ than just letting me wear my fucking headphones#I feel like crying. I just want to not leave work with a developing migraine every day because of sensory reasons#and a part of me is like suck it up you’ve been dealing with this for a year it’s not actually a big deal#at least you CAN work and it’s not so bad that you can’t that’s a privilege#and like… yeah…. but I literally feel so drained and miserable every single day#and this stupid job makes me want to kms#but I can’t quit cuz the pay is too good#and it’s just so frustrating because they’re like ‘we’re such a good and diverse company we treat our employees so well’#and the general public thinks it’s a GREAT company#so I just constantly here about how great and awesome and inclusive they are#but they won’t even let me have the accommodation of wearing fucking headphones#something every other job has let me do….#and it makes me so mad on behalf of every other person who probably got told no over disability accommodations for even more important and I#intensive things#and I just. yeah. I kinda wanna cry#but as always I cannot cry because I’m so emotionally stunted that all I can ACTUALLY feel are pissed off and frustrated#anyways. I need to break something#kaz rambles
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having a weird day y'all 🥶
#so i skipped school to go to the library and like i got a lot of work done alhamdulillah#but then i got hungry and went to shake shack for a shroomburger bc its so good#however the key thing is i went to a library in manhattan and like the times square subway station is closer to shake shack#than the station i got off to get to the library#and so after i finished my shroomburger 🍄🍔 i wanted to go home#i walked to times square which is visual sensory overload hell#and as i was going in the station SOME GUY BLASTS A SPEAKER right next to my ear to say ''LOVE JESUS YOU SHOULD BELIEVE IN JESUS''#🫠🫠😭😭😭 i almost fell down the stairs subhanAllah
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I can see why it might be confusing that this is a video game blog but I routinely post gifs and pictures of a clearly real human being, and the only thing I have to say in my own defense is that he’s video game adjacent because of Judgment so it counts 😅
#she speaks#sorry lol but on the bright side you all get to see kimutaku pics on the daily#and idk I just think that’s not the worst compromise right?#I’m out here judgment posting 10 times a day in queue too so it evens out#double dose kimutaku in both video game and irl form you’re welcome#I really wanna make a judgment only discord server but I cannot be responsible for it it would be a disaster#there’d be like one room cuz I’d give up#and the only rule would be don’t be a dick because I cannot be bothered to come up with an entire rule set omg#oh well#this is off subject but#god the file I’m working on right now is so terrible#it’s from 2008 and omfg I’m dying#the audio is a nightmare#and I’ve done 20 minutes of a 60 minute file#more or less#and it’s a bizarro case so I have no frame of reference for the terminology#so I’m literally just guessing my way through it#my ears hurt#and my brain hurt#and I wanna go to bed
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None of these, I just... open the book to roughly where I left off and go back if I didn't read a part yet, or if I have read it then I probably can tell how much further ahead I need to go
alignment chart: bookmark edition. tag yourself i’m scrap paper
#page number sounds like a pain; trying to remember some number for who knows how long#the benefit to my system is like; if I haven't read it for a while and I've forgotten a bit#well then it's built in that I'll go back a little further till I hit the part I do remember#but like... was rereading the Two Towers; and it's been some time now but I think I'm a little past when they speak with Theoden#I think I remember about roughly how thick the pages feel to get to that point more or less; usually get within like 10 pages#just kind of... how I always have done it; legit forgot bookmarks are even a thing till I saw this post#just hate having to remember to carry things around; like if you're reading on the go that's one more thing for me to lose#never really consider that this isn't just how everyone does it except for the times I see this post#but yeah; this is literally just what comes naturally to me; as in when I started reading this is just what I decided to do#and then it proceeded to just always work; so I've never thought to change it up#just kind of makes you wonder why you do things the way you do when you see something where your way isn't a considered option#like no good or bad to it; no right or wrong way to do this (except dog earring; that's wrong)#but just wonder why I just gravitated to doing it like this when that's seemingly not the normal experience
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