#the stupid fucking gm was like ‘hey I need to talk to you. it’s about your disability accommodation’

[soopsiesdaisies]

nightcourt.gov

Chapter 4: batsy bunch log

Read on AO3 + Masterlist

Mor sees an opportunity during Feyre's second week in the Night Court, and as a result, we are able to take glance at the past. Happens around the last emails of chapter 1.

==

[15-02-501, 22:38PM]

To: givememor@/nightcourt.gov

From: iminyourwalls@/support.nightcourt.gov 

Subject: As you requested

—

Morrigan, 

Attached is a copy of the chat of last month, held prior to the arrival of miss Feyre Archeron. Please remember that any attempt at blackmail of user ‘blue-dabadee’ will be held against you, as I have full access to your StarMessage backup as well ♥️

Do what you will with that information.

👻

📎: [CHATLOG_StarMessage_thebatsybunch_15-01-501AH]

==

the batsy bunch

3 Online 

[00:02] 

rice: Vanserra’s emails are getting progressively more panicked lol it’s fucking grand 

blue-dabadee: Have you been threatening him?

rice: not explicitly. I’m not that stupid 

blue-dabadee: 🤔🤔 Debatable 

rice: may I remind you that I’m the one who pays for your housing and food 

blue-dabadee: May I remind you that I am more than prepared to hunt and forage and, perhaps, live in a tree? 

cassplay: upside down like a bat? 

blue-dabadee: No, perched on a branch so I can throw myself, knives at the ready, onto an unsuspecting general at a moment’s notice, like any good Illyrian ought to

blue-dabadee: Obviously I’d be upside down Cas what are you on 🦇🦇

cassplay: fckin life, man 

blue-dabadee: Maybe lay off it a little bit

cassplay: …are u saying i should die?

blue-dabadee: If that’s what you’re getting out of that 😊

cassplay: i hate u sm 

blue-dabadee: sure ❤️

[01:13]

rice: ok I’m going to bed gn boys xx

cassplay: do u need me to tuck u in bby?? 

rice: Cassian. 

blue-dabadee: Do we need to though? 

rice: Azriel…

blue-dabadee: Yes, that’s my name, how very observant of you

rice: I will put you into one of my pocket dimensions and let you choke

blue-dabadee: Hot 

blue-dabadee: Talk dirty to me more 💦💦💦 

rice: 🙄🙄

cassplay: i can totes tuck u in tho rhysie 

cassplay: maybe have a bit of a cuddle with u as well 

rice: that was ONCE 

blue-dabadee: You were crying 

rice: I was touch starved. Emphasis on WAS

cassplay: u might still be tho??? cassian is always here if u need a cuddle ❤️❤️❤️

rice: I don’t need cuddles 

blue-dabadee: 🤭 It never fails to surprise me how much bluster exists within such a wee Illyrian 

cassplay: right?? he a pint-sized bat filled to the brim with bravado 

rice: both of you, please 

rice: PLEASE

rice: drop dead 

rice: and good night 

rice is Offline 

cassplay: he totally needs a cuddle

blue-dabadee: 💯💯 

[07:34] 

cassplay: hey gm lads

cassplay: do snails have feelings

[07:52]

cassplay: guys cmon do snails have feelings?????

cassplay: because if they do ill cry

[08:00]

blue-dabadee: What did you do? 👀

blue-dabadee: And why would snails have feelings

blue-dabadee: They’re snails

cassplay: y do u automatically assume i did smth 

blue-dabadee: Please read that again and think about it really well🙄🙄

cassplay: k 

[08:04]

cassplay: ur a twat 

blue-dabadee: Takes one to know one❤️

blue-dabadee: But to answer your question, no. I don’t think snails have feelings

cassplay: k thank the cauldron 

cassplay: i stepped on a snail by accident :(((( i heard the crunch n then it was already too late 

cassplay: if they had feelings i think there wuld be an uprising against the giant who crushed one of their kin to death 

cassplay: id get murdered by snails :((( 

blue-dabadee: Snails don’t have the brain to conspire against you, Cas😐

cassplay: U DONT KNOW THAT 

blue-dabadee: I do. 

cassplay: oh? did u ever do scientific research about snail brains? snail abilities? snabilities? 

blue-dabadee: …No

cassplay: yea i thought so. go fuck urself

blue-dabadee: I can’t believe I ever decided to hang out with you 

[08:15]

blue-dabadee: Wait fuck. I really don’t know whether snails have the brains to conspire against you. 

blue-dabadee: I can’t communicate with them so how would I even know😔

cassplay: do u see now y im worried???

blue-dabadee: Yeah 😔😔

blue-dabadee: I’m sad now 😔😔

blue-dabadee: If I’d known snails would ever assassinate you I would’ve attempted to communicate with them ages ago 

cassplay: AWWWW to save me? 

blue-dabadee: Don’t be ridiculous 

blue-dabadee: I would’ve drawn out a plan of action for them 

cassplay: ….

cassplay: i shouldve left u to rot

blue-dabadee: Yeah, thought so👻

[08:37]

rice: oh, are we talking about snails? 

rice: I used to make snail hotels, and then I’d get angry when they left after laying eggs

cassplay: snails lay eggs?????????

rice: it felt like child abandonment 

rice: Cas… buddy.

rice: yes, snails lay eggs

cassplay: how was i supposed to know that 

rice: like snakes

cassplay: was i supposed to grow up watching snails fuck

rice: snakes are just like really dry slugs 

blue-dabadee: Imagine a pregnant snail 

rice: and snailfucking is quite SFW actually so yes, I’d expect you to have grown up watching snails fuck 

rice: Azriel, each day you bring me closer to death

blue-dabadee: Well, I’d hate to disappoint 👻

cassplay: sorry that im blissfully unaware of the logistics of snail sex and reproduction

cassplay: in hindsight it does make sense they dont give live birth 

cassplay: considering theyre not mammals

rice: yeah they’re not platypuses

blue-dabadee: I’m sorry. Just imagine a snail breastfeeding

cassplay: do snails have nipples??

rice: no

rice: they do not

cassplay: wait no they wouldnt

cassplay: bc theyre

blue-dabadee: No, because they lay eggs

cassplay: yea

rice: snail tits…

cassplay: not mammals

blue-dabadee: Yeah

blue-dabadee: And also, NO😊

rice: guys

rice: GUYS

blue-dabadee: Don’t you dare

rice: imagine snail milk

cassplay: a snail breasting tittily to assassinate cassian ❤️

blue-dabadee: I will not imagine snail milk

rice: a national delicacy 

cassplay: and also very sexy

blue-dabadee: This would be my last reason, had I not already been in the third circle of hell

cassplay: whats hell

blue-dabadee: Don’t worry about it 😘

cassplay: k 👍

rice: Dawn eats snails right?

rice: imagine Thesan drinking his daily morning glass of snail milk 

blue-dabadee: NO. 

rice: glug glug bitch

cassplay: u know what im wondering now? how u would even get enough snail milk to have a daily glass of it

cassplay: snails are so tiny 

rice: Dawn has snail farms 

rice: Thesan took me once 

rice: it was interesting actually 

cassplay: snail farms???? for what????

rice: to breed snails

cassplay: y would anyone breed snails

blue-dabadee: Because they eat snails in Dawn

cassplay: oohhhh yea

cassplay: yea yea ok

rice: what did you think snail farms were for? 

cassplay: i had no idea, which is y i asked

rice: snail milk?

rice: pshj

rice: as if

cassplay: i was thinking maybe like

cassplay: the juice

blue-dabadee: The juice💦

rice: THE JUICE 

cassplay: i forget what its called

rice: the snail juice, not to be confused with the snail milk 

cassplay: guuuys

blue-dabadee: Hmm yes, I sure am thirsty for a glass of snail juice right now

cassplay: its snail juice

rice: slime?

cassplay: how am i supposed to know snail terms

rice: snail slime?

blue-dabadee: Mucus

rice: mucus!

cassplay: slime, mucus, thank u

cassplay: the biology lesson is appreciated

rice: np bud

[09:28]

rice: so did you really think snail mucus gets farmed in Dawn? 

cassplay: man i just forgot snails are a food

blue-dabadee: You sure you’re feeling well?

cassplay: thanks for the concern but yea

cassplay: y

blue-dabadee: I just can’t believe you forgot about a food 🤔

cassplay: LISTEN

cassplay: i dont go to dawn much

rice: you don’t go to Summer much either but you haven’t forgotten mollusks 

cassplay: ☹️ mollusks are good though

rice: they’re basically snails but from the sea

cassplay: ??? are they???

blue-dabadee: Rhys. There’s very much actual sea snails

rice: they’re related species

rice: octopi are also related to snails

blue-dabadee: Ah

blue-dabadee: Perhaps the snail’s cousin from Summer will attack you instead, Cas👻

blue-dabadee: I’d be able to find a way to communicate with an octopus

cassplay: ur so mean :(( 

rice: you’d lose to an octopus, yeah

cassplay: rhys im leaving u for thesan

rice: ok. don’t forget we’re having dinner next week 

blue-dabadee: Is it too late to ask Nuala and Cerridwen for snails?

rice: probably not!

cassplay: i hate u two sm 

[14:25]

blue-dabadee: Hey, do snails piss? 

cassplay: wtf az

blue-dabadee: It’s not a pressing question. Just curiosity. 

rice: I know that snails shit

blue-dabadee: Yeah

cassplay: yea i reckon theyd have to shit

rice: idk if they piss, though

cassplay: maybe they like

cassplay: secrete mucus instead of the usual waste

rice: or maybe they do it at the same time? 

cassplay: we can bing it

rice: like birds? 

cassplay: …

cassplay: birds do that? 

blue-dabadee: Yeah 

blue-dabadee: The white stuff is pee, I think

rice: it’s why it’s so liquid-y

cassplay: by the mother

cassplay: that’s never occurred to me

rice: Cas

rice: I love you

rice: but like

cassplay: yea i know ://

cassplay: i just dont know stuff sometimes

cassplay: love u too tho

rice: you know lots of things

blue-dabadee: Yes. Just not arguably useless information about snails and birds

blue-dabadee: I don’t think the knowledge that snails lay eggs will ever help you in combat👻

rice: you’re plenty smart!

blue-dabadee: Just not in terms of snial piss

cassplay: snial

rice: snial

blue-dabadee: I’m TRYING to be nice here. 

cassplay: i know. ur doing great

rice: yeah 😊

blue-dabadee: Good. 

blue-dabadee: I may not help the snails to assassinate you now, Cas❤️

cassplay: thats awfully sweet

rice: it’s

rice: it’s really not

cassplay: no one asked u

rice: nobody asks me anything :( 

rice: people are always like “where’s lord Rhysand?” and never “how’s lord Rhysand?”

rice: always “how’s lord Rhysand so terribly attractive?” and never “maybe lord Rhysand would like to be pet on the head?”

rice: take take take.

rice: I’m so tired.

blue-dabadee: Ah, yes. Being revered nation-wide must be so hard for you. 

rice: it is

rice: also my mate hates me 😔

cassplay: but we dont hate u

cassplay: much. usually. 

rice: very courteous of you, Cas. thanks. 

cassplay: i live to serve

blue-dabadee: Has it perhaps occurred to you that your mate hates you because you were being Rhysand and not Rhys? 

rice: I’m pretty sure she’d hate me either way 

blue-dabadee: Well damn, buddy. Can’t help you there then🙄

rice: ugh. 

rice: her wedding’s this evening. 

blue-dabadee: …Ah 

cassplay: wanna get plastered? 

rice: …yeah

rice: as long as I don’t end up in the middle of nowhere without my clothes

blue-dabadee: Honestly that’s not a guarantee, knowing you

cassplay: u bring the booze? 

rice: to my own pity party? 

cassplay: to ur pity party with ur best brothers in the whole wide world

rice: you’re my only brothers

blue-dabadee: You’re very special to us as well, Rhys❤️

rice: UGH

rice: fine. 

rice: six? 

cassplay: ill get u so drunk ull forget all about ur mate

blue-dabadee: Nah he won’t. The heartbreak will just hurt less 

rice: great to know you’re still supportive, Az 

blue-dabadee: That’s me, your majesty

rice: fuck you

rice: see you at six

rice: don’t be late

cassplay: id never

blue-dabadee: Not to drinking, no👻

cassplay: ill have u know im always fashionably on time!!

blue-dabadee: You don’t even know what fashion is

cassplay: ur on thin ice, buddy

blue-dabadee: I can fly over it, buddy🦇

rice: UGGGHHHH 

rice: I should’ve left the both of you rotting. 

==

[15-02-501, 23:05PM]

To: iminyourwalls@/support.nightcourt.gov 

From: givememor@/nightcourt.gov 

Subject: RE: As you requested

—

You’re the best oh my gods xxxxxxx

[thewolfisawake]

So ends con weekend. Waiting for sleep to haunt me since I've been going sleepless since Thursday in prep. But though we tend to play low level, it is always a fun time. And actually, a lot of times, you get to have the same GM. We were playing P.athfinder since there actually was no D&D GMs at this con and though half of it were pre gen one shot, so many of them were so fun. There were so much banter and the like going on. Even some inspiration but idk how I'd even implement them. Highlights include:

"Ah! The plant talked!" "So did you." "Well, it's normal for me to talk." "As is for me, so what is so strange?"

A gang of leshy (small vegetation folk), emphasis on small, so casually threatening violence upon a candlemaker.

"You destroyed Popcorn's bridge!" "Wha-?" "It was a very nice bridge." *proceeds to almost get cleaved by Popcorn before being brought from murder and settling for kicking shins. Twice.*

Playing a quietly exasperated sorcerer that has to team up with his old coworkers to get one last payday.

"Hey, it's you!" (clearly doesn't know name) to "Elsir...this was a stupid fucking job." (And it was the correct name!)

Roommate's druid: "Oh you know, dying is natural. We gotta let it all go back to nature!" *next room with undead tree beings* "NOOOOOOO"

My Cleric, knowing the distraught Druid is not liking the undead trees, "Just kill it with fire, that's natural!"

"Barnaby, how could you?! I believeeeeeed in you!"

"Well, he didn't like that you channeled positive energy." "Well, I don't like being backstabbed. Get rekted Barnaby." *proceeds to murder the shark man*

Goblin brothers, Taldeus and Grizzle, (Twins really) chucking bombs and shanking everyone.

Grizzle dropping holy water on the final boss of the encounter from a rooftop while Taldeus crossbow them right in the face to end them.

Playing a monk that joined an assassin order that's a bit too much of 'senpai notice me' with his cleric master being sent on his first mission with him.

Me, inquiring about the positioning of a guard walking on us tampering with traps, before I state, "While he's talking to our fighter, I walk behind him and assassinate him. Snap his neck." My roommate: * agape * "I am too good to be in this sort of game."

Goblin barbarian enlarges himself to throw his large fiend enemy into a table full of reagents, causing mass amounts of damage and splash damage.

Said Roommate, proceeds to have her druid /ignite/ the now spilled reagents as fuel to her fireball.

I, said monk, proceed to fail the reflex saves needed to avoid getting damaged. All this while I stared at them and said, "Do it."

Did final blow on final boss encounter and for sure was 'senpai notice me.'

[buffa-z]

ep 16

SHES STILL VLOGGING FOLKS

fox hunt LOL "an elegant sport for sophisticated individuals" while geats has been running loose from unsophisticated gunmen for twenty minutes

no opening theme song today!

whichever one of you kills your friend gets to go to heaven

girori is fucking this up badly. hes trying to sell it to keiwa as her opportunity to get her altruistic wish, but hes already shown that he will turn on a rider if he sees fit. its clear he just wants ace gone. shes not stupid

ace detransforming so he doesnt immeditately get attacked. hes stalling

neon: do we really have to fight?

ace: what do you want to do? im sure theres time, we go get something to ea--

a punkjack appear

still brainwashed? but no gm node

ace: sorry but im not losing to punkjack

oooo you cant share someone elses wish thats crazy. thats like a violation of something. also keiwa isnt stupid. she knows geats is after something specific in the dgp. if she also doesnt like what the dgp is doing, why would she take your side and not ace's side?????????

neon: (to herself, alone on a hill style) do we really have to fight?

ace: (with superhearing but distracted so he doesnt realize shes not talking to him) i have to fight

oh mannnn not the stairs where punkjack got blew up

ooooooo crying in the rain how thematic

keiwa mourning punkjack (keiwin clues)

neon saying she will fight her own way (smarter not harder)

yayy tsumuri patching ace up. its a very characterizing scene for both of them

introducing the relationship glue known as: convenience store back of snacks!! (this will become a recurring motif)

ace: now let me tell you about my existential crisis

tsumri: (oh shit he wants to know about mitsume)

keiwa struggling with the idea that dead people should stay dead bc she never really processed losing her parents the way sara did

sara: thinking about impossible stuff is just gonna make you sad

^ says literal unluckiest girl in the world

i do think that is something that differentiates them well. sara has already sort of accepted her lot in life, but keiwa hasnt. this may be related to transgender reasons. it also may be because keiwa still has a chance, hasn't had all the luck and joy stripped from her soul yet. and she has her dgp-locked memories. but sara is still generally happy. shes the prime example of how happiness is Not finite and there will always be something to smile about. (author has been physically restrained from getting into it)

kurama sr: so, you figured out my clue. this must be bc of my subtle teachings

neon: (i need to stay on his good side so we can all get out of this situation alive i will not attack my stupid dad)

that may be one of neons greatest strengths bc she pretty much immediately in the second game picks up the capability for a strong-willed yet likeable mask. she knows how to pick her battles, maybe better than ace bc she has a fresher perspective and is less boredom-motivated

they threw geats out in the puddle...

wow they are fucking him up. he has lost his will to fight.

geats: hey tycoon i know you have to kill me but i gotta say you look badass.

ace is honestly glad that there is anyone else left willing to fight him

the matching jet buckles.... so cute

this music rules

oh hey this us the first time we see this warehouse. we will see it at least two more times this series!

tycoons will to fight is much higher than geats

someone in the YouTube comments asked why tycoon and geats activated the second jet buckles at the same time even tho geats got more hits in. as if geats wasnt waiting for tycoon to do it first. hes not gonna be the one to kill tycoon are you kidding

this fight is really cool, they keep the 180 pretty much the whole time which is crazy and also important when both your fighters have the same buckle in play

180 has been crossed bc its from girori's view now they are play fighting now. this is playing. its good for them. kamen riders literally need to tussle in an abandoned location or else they get depressed and develop suit rot

god the shot of tycoons cannons going over geats shoulders to hit glare is so fucking awesome

tycoons moral here isnt exactly what i would go with, but it makes sense for her to believe that

in this sub geats says "they grow up so fast" which is really funny

tribeam friendship blast

TRIPLE FRIENDSHIP STRIKE FUCK YOUR SHIT UP FOREVE

not my foam wall!

producer: id rather avoid these valuable players risking any further injury

the producer can snap someone out of suit and also make them disappear from this world. awesome

producer: there's no shortage of replacements for you

hey remember when this show was about labor practices in the entertainment industry and how no one is safe. lol

like im not defending girori same as i wont defend chirami but seriously the idea that anyone can just get disappeared from the show at the snap of the producer's fingers is crazy right

awww this is one of the cutest scenes i love it

tanuki can be pretty tricky too ! and cats can too!!!!!

ace downplaying his own wish bc he doesnt tell people anything and never shows vulnerability and wishes are pretty much the most vulnerable thing ever so never show attachment to anything ever

keiwa: its to find your mom right?

ace freaking out mad thinking girori told keiwa but dont worry it was just neon

no desashin this round!

tsumuri is literally so glad that they all get to live

meanwhile, in a greenhouse neither close nor far from here....

archimedel: what the fuck this one isn't dead

"overuse of the zombie buckle" is Quite Interesting

THE REVEAL! YOU ALL ARE IN A GODDAMN GAME SHOW!!!!!!!

god the cameras are creepy. but at least we know where the applause is coming from

oh this is the first time we see ziin lol

and of course this is the movie interlude. so i may rewatch and liveblog the movie. we'll see.

[ghostfishk]

i don’t even know what to type. i’m so exhausted. he seems so happy to see me. but i’m so afraid i’m making it up because it’s what i want to see. he’s so sweet and so nice. we havnt seen eachother much the past two days. it’s honestly evil if you ask me.

yesterday we passed each other a lot, that was nice. my brain has been so foggy i honestly don’t know what happened.

friday we mostly passed each other, then around 9, TLJ had all of the gm people come over to style and pick up the floor. cuz we were going through it. we had just started pushing a z, and i took swim so i could be nosey and see who was brought over and up walls C with some swim he found. i show him where it goes and then he walks away. style finishes the Z and i go over to toddler to fold. and there C is. i’m still atleast 7 feet away when he sees me and the biggest fucking cutest god damn smile appears on his face. i question him, asking if he’s supposed to folding, or picking up the floor.

“i don’t know but im having fun :)”

we back and forth for a second and then i start folding next to him,

“*gasp* K- are you folding with me”

i laugh and say yes.

i tell him he should just stay in style the rest of the night. he says he totally would if toys wasn’t a mess. TLJ walks by and i tell him C should stay in style. he laughs and says “yea when toys isn’t a train wreck”

later C folds a shirt and can’t find where it goes. he assumes it girls but still asks me where it is. i walk over to show him and he goes “it’s in boys? but it has pink!”

“hey! boys can wear pink”

“hmmm i don’t know thats not very gender norm conforming”

then TLJ tells everyone it’s time to move to mens and athletic. C rolls his eyes and makes a very loud complaining noise, and he starts to walk away when he puts on this stupid fucking toddler hat. it looked so stupid on him.

he starts to walk away and then he turned around “K, do you wanna come fold in men’s with me?”

i go OKAY! and happily follow behind him. he immidiatly goes “K, are you following me?”

i roll my eyes and go “whaaat, nooo, i’m just going to fold in men’s because it’s a mess”

he laughed :)

we got over to men’s graphics. and we talk about a few things, twilight, how i was allowed to watch stuff like TWD when i was like 9, and how the selection of graphic tees kinda sucks. after about 5 minutes TLJ tells everyone it’s time to go back to thier own stuff. C once again like quietly complains to me. and then while TLJ is walking around C is like hiding around the graphic tee wall. it was so funny. and cute.

then after close everyone was getting their stuff. E clocks out and says she’s gonna go buy cheese, i clock out after her out habit but i stay in the break room, listening to a conversation going on amongst GM. APPARENTLY C fell asleep in his car and was late to his shift dispite being in the damn parking lot. fucking dumbass. then they all start clocking out and when C clocks out and starts to walk away and i also walk away. he goes “k!! were you waiting for me?”

“yea kinda haha”

i walk by him over to E, who’s checking out, and he kinda hangs by the door talking to TLJ, E finishes so we go to leave and then C also immidiatly leaves.

and then he starts getting on me about wearing a coat. he’s been doing this for weeks now. now i wanna stop wearing hoodies out of spite but i don’t actually wanna get sick lololol. but he’s giving me all this crap saying i’m gonna get sick blah blah. i keep going “ill be fiiine” smiling like a fucking moron

today we super didn’t see eachother, our lunches overlapped and that’s really it. i walk in to the back around 6, to grab a cart and do my pulls C and O are in my way and right before i ask to get through C goes “do you need a cart?” and gives me his. nothing major i just thought it was sweet. then 30 minutes later we both go on our lunches. he went about 3 minutes before me. i walkie out for my lunch right before i walk into the breakroom, i look over to where he usually sits and he’s already looking at me, smiling. “K—!!” i set my stuff down on the table infront of his and clock out, and when i come back over we immidiatly start talking about how insane style is. reshop hadn’t been grabbed and it was terrible, and i had been stuck at the fitting room for 4 hours at that point. with no end in sight.

and then we talk about d&d a little, appearently him and N had been talking about it so that’s why he was thinking about it. i think playing with them would be fun. i do suck tho. i get very spooked in the moment and cant really articulate what i want to do.

and then we kinda don’t talk anymore. i can’t think of anything to say, but everytime he would tap or move id instinctively look up and then he’d look up and we’d make eye contact for bits

then i don’t see see him until after close. i was supposed to stay for the walk but TLK finished his stuff in time he could do it instead. 10/10 worked out perfectly. i speed get my stuff togeather so i could walk out with everyone else, and A was waiting for me once they knew i was free, and when i was clocking out i noticed C was also waiting down by the door. the three of us walk out and talk to TLK for a bit, and then me, A, C, and N all walk out togetaher, C and N kinda ahead, but i ended up going the same way cuz the 3 of us parked near eachother. C and N were talking about something, when they get to thier cars and say bye. i wasn’t gonna say anything cuz i fear and then C just goes “BYE K!!!” i smile and say bye. and then subsequently lost my mind in my car :P

i’m so excited for tuesday. i’m going to my dads after work, and then im going to the Newport aquarium either Wednesday or Thursday and im gonna be there forever. never leaving. i’m so excited. i truly need it. i think it’ll fix all of my problems.

2/22/25

[inkdemonapologist]

in our cthulhu game, being fused with Bendy the Lurker (who, i cannot stress enough, is an eldritch horror in addition to being our cartoon friend) gives Joey some terrifying inky powers so honestly why WOULDNT you just immediately pounce on the first person who catches you somewhere you’re not supposed to be while distorting your body in mind-rending ways?????? 

anyway here’s some out of context quotes for Session Four under the cut

[Sammy is played by me, Joey is played by Boo (inkyvendingmachine), Henry is played by Maf (inkcryptid), Jack is played by Mochi (whatyouwantedmetosee) and Thren (haunted-hijinxer) is our GM!]

[Sammy] Are you planning to break in? [Joey] I wasn't not planning to.... not... break in.... [Jack] Jack might be giving Joey a look. [Joey] They broke in first! [Sammy] Sammy shrugs and nods, this makes sense.

[Henry] I want to say by now Henry has finally read the room and is also looking at Jack. [Joey] (Henry has realised it's Looking At Jack Time) [Jack] Now he's mute AND self-conscious!!

[Jack] He's going to write "I'll be fine," pause briefly, and then write, "probably."

[GM, as Bendy] Are you sure you want us to go alone? [Sammy] I'M sure I DON'T want him to be alone! [Joey] I won't-- I won't be alone! I can't be alone right now! We know this!! [Bendy] Uh-huh. [Henry] Mm-hm. [GM] A skeptical look is interjected.

[Sammy] But if we told you to go and take a look but not do anything stupid, I'm not sure you're capable of that!! [Joey] I'm-- wait. I can do non-stupid things!!

[Henry] While Joey is getting ready in his room, Henry has already stolen his plate and is finishing it.

[Sammy] I'm just laughing at the concept of Joey and Sammy being in separate parties but like, watching each other across the street, [Joey, interrupting]: in a NON gay way. [Sammy] Mostly not gay. [Joey] Definitely Not Gay [Jack] The MOST heterosexual, [Jack] That's his middle name! Joey Heterosexual Drew! [Sammy] That's what I remember from the book, yeah.

[GM] Roll lockpicking. [Joey] Uh, that was, a bad roll, so instead of pushing it, can I use one of my... points, and just unlock it with my finger? [GM] .....SURE, [Sammy] WHAT. WHAT!! WHAT IS HAPPENING. [GM] Henry should make a Spot(Hidden) roll! [Henry] oKAY??? [Sammy] PLEASE make this Henry, I need to know what's happening

[GM] It looks like a landing, and a staircase, going up! [Henry] Still no one around? No symbols? [GM] Nope! [Joey] Then let's go up! [Henry] ...didn't you say this building was one story, though? [GM] :) I did! [Henry] oh..... [Joey] OH,......

[GM] There IS a person puttering around in there. [Joey] Hmmm... I did say I wasn't going to do anything stupid.....

[Joey] *inspecting pen covered in weird goo* Can I smelllllll it? [GM] ,,,,YOU SURE CAN,

[GM] So you currently have this symbol-painter gaping up at you guys at the top of the stairs [Joey] UM, [Jack] He sees it. He is looking. [Joey] UHHH,, [Henry] No! He does not see it, he is looking away!!

[Joey] I feel like we should just,,, graB HIM, AND uH, i- th- uh, drag him up the roof, or pin him down--- I don't knOW, dEFERS TO BENDY! [GM] I mean, Bendy's instincts are definitely to pounce on something that is doing something he doesn't want!

[Henry] uh, I, uh, w- wELL HENRY, was planning to put his words together, and try to convince this man that, y'know, we're supposed to be here, like we're roof maintenance or something, but then JOEY just fUCKING JUMPED ON HIM! [GM] Down the stairs! [Henry] DOWN THE STAIRS! I think his first action in this fight is going to be "Joey, what the FUCK"

[GM, cheerfully] Joey also needs to make a Sanity Check, his body is distorting in horrifying ways! [Joey] (Joey made it!) [GM] Just one sanity damage each! No big deal. [Sammy] YEAH, no big deal!! Just part of your sanity, dripping away!!!!

[Sammy] This is NOT the jungles of Haiti, this is an establishment in New Orleans, please don't murder people! [Joey] He wasn't planning on murdering, he just wanted to make him shoosh! [Sammy] YOUR METHOD MATTERS!! [GM, speaking for Bendy] ...There might have been some miscommunication in the desired result,

[Jack] Joey's lowest skill is "stay out of trouble" and his highest skill is "get self out of the trouble you got yourself into”

[GM] The Lurker rolled a fumble, so he's super distracted with something... he is NOT paying attention. [Sammy] Super distracted with all of Joey's human emotions at, uh, murder, which is normally such a fun, wholesome activity!

[Sammy] Sanity check for the greatest horror of all: TAXES.

[GM] Weirdly, Henry thinks he recognises this from descriptions he's read in some of the books he's looked through of Joey's; he thinks this is a drink that lets you survive in the vacuum of space!! [Sammy] WHAT [Henry] Why the heck would they need that... [Henry] ......how big is this jug? [Sammy] (*laughing* "I wanna survive the vacuum of space! Lemme at it!") [GM] It's like a gallon? [Sammy] (glug glug glug!) [Henry] He's not going to DRINK it, he was just considering taking it! [Sammy] I've seen Henry go at bacon soup. I believe he can do it.

[Sammy] This isn't important and I PROMISE I'm not going to get distracted but I just want to know if there's any nice instruments in here,

[Sammy] He's not going to wait, he's just going to turn around and leave. [Jack] Jack will -- now that he can use his words! -- say, “thanks for the help anyway,” and then go follow Sammy.

[Sammy] Ugh, Sammy might take a drink, [Jack] Jack is very much not going to take any drinks. [Joey] (Jack takes the drink OUT of Sammy's hand and hands it to somebody else!) [Jack] ......he MIGHT do that,

[another player returns to the call] [Sammy] Welcome back! Sammy did not do a good job vaulting over a fence, in case you were wondering, which is why my HP is now listed here!

[GM] He makes like he's going to close the door again. [Joey] (Stick your foot in the door!) [Jack] HMMM, tries to think if I have any good words for being polite, [Jack] “hey, no, please don't shut the door haha your so sexy,”

[Sammy] Cool, Sammy will walk in. [Jack] Jack will thank him! And walk in.

[Jack] (i'M REALLY DISTRACTED BY THE CAT,) [Sammy] (I'M SORRY!! IT'S MEOW TIME!!!) [Sammy] (The cat needs us to know about the King in Yellow, it's VERY important) [GM] The rune expert's cat, clearly. [Jack] I think this guy needs a cat, in these trying times.

[Jack] Jack would definitely have been petting the cat, I'm just mentioning that.

[GM] He opens the door and gestures inside. [Sammy] O...kay, looks inside closet? [GM] "Go, go on, look, look!" [Jack] (LOOK IN THE CLOSET, I'VE GOT ALL THIS WINE!!)

[Sammy] I- I reaLLY THOUGHT,, THE OTHER GUYS WERE GONNA BE THE ONES WHO GOT IN TROUBLE,,,

[Joey] Is there a window? [Jack] IN THE CLOSET???

[GM] You definitely sense something in one of the shoeboxes. [Sammy] SAMMY'S TRYING VERY HARD TO IGNORE THINGS THAT HE SENSES RIGHT NOW

[Sammy] I've got Joey luck today, it's weird!?! [Jack] It's to protect Jack! [Jack] The shepherd must protect the sheep!!!

[Sammy] Yeah, let's git, let's skeedaddle, let's just run, [Jack] Channel our inner Wally Franks, [Sammy] and get outta here!!

[GM] Henry does have at least one person try to trade drinks and get some of the jug he's carrying. [Joey] *sulky* No!! Our special juice!

[Sammy] Joey and Lurker are the two children who should not sit next to each other, because they are a bad influence on each other

[Sammy] (Oh, P.S., Jack can talk now!) [GM] Oh, you're better! [Sammy] Sammy's feeling better too, but that might just be adrenaline.

[Joey] As long as the show isn't Alice In Wonderland or The King In Yellow! [GM] Do you say that? [Joey] [Sammy] NO [Sammy] That's out of character, I think, [Joey] UMMMM, [Sammy] Is, is it-- jOEY DREW, [Joey] ...........it is out of character.

[Joey] We're down here due to something to do with that symbol coming to bother us at the Studio! [GM] She wants to know if that's why your eyes are weird. [Joey] [Joey] Yes.

[makeusfreefromthisfandom]

just sending some appreciation and good vibes to my people for the new year <3

kisses from me bc you all hold a very special place in my heart 💝

Also veryyy long post ahead I’m sorry I had to include everyone Aakklaksks 😭😭

@ominous-meme 🖤 sabah! You were my very first mutual on here I hope you know that! I can’t even begin on how excited I got when I found out you were a fellow desi girl and I will always appreciate you being there and advising me! <3 I love our street racing au! talks ! I’m glad I have someone to share ideas with <33

@weebsausage 🖤 dude omg!!! 😭😭😭 pls I literally forgot how we became moots I’m so sorry I have a tiny brain 😪 but I think we literally just messaged each other and started talking about free! ANYWAYS TYSM FOR PUTTING ME ON HXH I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU FOR THAT WTF ITS LIKE MY FAV ANIME EVER I HAVE BECOME HXH TRASH AJSJSJBS ❤️❤️ but other than that thank you for being a really great friend to me and I hope this year is nothing but good things for you <33

@dokifluffs 🖤 you were also one of my first moots on here! I honestly could not believe when you followed me back bc ur like my biggest inspo! 😭 you’re so precious omg I always look forward talking to you and get excited when I see a notif from you still! I hope the new year treats you well and brings good things in your life! Lots of love from me bae 🥰❤️

@syrenblubs 🖤 ah my most relatable person LOL. Omg syren ur my little bestie on here and I’m so glad we’re mutuals! I love our natsuya talks and OML THE C****** RAID! ALSJJSJSJSJJS AND DESI PARENTS AKSJJSNS. Just thank you for always interacting with me even tho I SUCK at responding ����❤️❤️❤️ ilyyysmmmmmm

@linak 🖤 baby omg where do I even begin. Back when I had literally no one to talk to on here, you would be the one NEVER failing to send me a gm/gn message! You always bring a stupid smile to my face 😭 I’m so freaking glad that we are friends I literally cannot put into words!! Ty for always listening to me and letting me open up to you ❤️ love you always.

@croctears 🖤 vixxx ahhh!!! I’m so glad we became mutuals on this shitty app! You’re one of the highlights of my day and I love talking to you sm 😫 especially if it’s about Sou 😏😏 keep being amazing bae! Kisses mwuah mwuah 😽😽

@xakusa 🖤 Marty bby! 🥰 literally the only person I’m going to share my man natsu with 🙄 our conversations are always so RANDOM and out of nowhereeeee lollll but we also just go along with it and I love that! You are an angel and this year better be giving you what you deserve! Lots of love from my end 😽😽😽 kissies from me and natsuya <3

@cafelixie 🖤 I will keep saying this and I will never stop. YOU!!! ARE!!! THE!!! ACTUAL!!! DEFINITION!!! OF!!! PRECIOUS!!!! Need I say more? You’ve made my day countless times and I always look forward to seeing you in my messages/inbox!! Baby I freaking love you I really don’t know what else to say 😭❤️

@skippyskeppy 🖤 I will never forget the first time we interacted my Kisumi enthusiast 😙🤝 I love it sm whenever I see you pop into my inbox with a random hc about semi semi or Kisumi, Albert now too! You are an amazing person. A really amazing person. I hope you know that ❤️

@keeijiakaashi 🖤 I remember seeing your little comments under my posts before we became moots and OMGGGG YOU ARE SO CUTE AISJJSJSJS ALSO RIN ENTHUSIAST??? YES PLEASE!!! Tysm for always interacting with me and making yourself known as the ultimate sweetest person on my blog! Ilyyyyy ❤️❤️❤️

@animatedarchives 🖤 we have your fellow love of the kirishimas to thank for us becoming moots! You’re so cute soph omg 😫 I love how we literally have brainrots of the same characters LIKE MR GOJO LEECH SATORU!!! GET OUT OF MY HEAD OR PAY RENT!!! Ahh you’re irreplaceable soph! Never fail to make me smile like an idiot <33

@natsuya-enthusiast 🖤 how did we not become moots sooner wtf??? Do yk how alone I felt when I had no one to discuss my obsession of natsu with when I first made this blog 😪 AND THEN I REALIZED U WERE ONE OF MY FIRST FOLLOWERS???? ANYWAYS U ARE THE BIG SIS I NEVER HAD ALWAYS PULLING THROUGH W THAT LIFE ADVICE BAHAHAHA ilysm gaby wtf 😭😡😡😡❤️❤️❤️

@moonlitspring 🖤 do you even realize how happy I got when I realized there was another ACTIVE free! blog 😡😡 ajsjjsjs you are such an amazing writer and PERSON sky!!! You’ve been nothing but the sweetest and I hope we get to interact more this year and share our love of free! together <3

@ayumiko 🖤 laís you are such an angel! I absolutely adore both you and your edits/gifs smmm 🥰 you are so kind and I hope 2021 is also <333

@dalggina 🖤 omg??? YGO bae??? 😤😤 I thought literally everyone had forgotten ab it LOL THEN YOU CAME ALONG ❤️❤️ I’m really glad we interacted precious person! And I hope that you have a great year! ALSO YOU BETTER NOT STRESS YOURSELF OUT TOO MUCH FROM WORK OR IM MANIFESTING MR ATEM TO COME GET YOU 😡

@stormikujo 🖤 omg bby! We haven’t talked in awhile! I hope you are doing well! ❤️❤️❤️ ahhh I’m glad I got you into free otherwise we wouldn’t even have interacted 😫 I love talking to you stormi!! And I hope this year brings great things fro you! Lots of love ❤️❤️❤️

@aj-writes-here 🖤 omg hey girl 😼😼 you’re definitely one of the coolest people I’ve talked to on here for sure! Hope you’ve been enjoying hq and free! Your welcome for putting you on that simp train 😼 anyways, ilysm aj!! I really wish the best for you this year! Stay amazing as you always are, ily!! ❤️❤️

@attackonfics 🖤 wtf 😭😭 I don’t deserve you???? You’ve been nothing but the sweetest to me and also responsible for my unhealthy obsession with mr 5’2 angry gremlin >:(( jkjk but seriously, ty for the food 😌. ANYWAYS QUEEN I HOPE YOUVE BEEN TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF AND TREATING YOURSELF AS!!! YOU!!! SHOULD!!! VIRTUAL HUGS 😽😽 💝

@browsing-my-favourite-fandoms 🖤 Shizen! You are too good for this world! 😭 you are such a genuine person, you deserve nothing but happiness ❤️ I really hope that this year does that for you. I’ll keep checking in from time to time! Ilysm! ❤️

@inum4ki 🖤 sera...please...just invest in a personal guide or smth. Asksksknsjs n e wayzzz seeing you in my inbox is always so much fun! Sousuke really deserves more love and you are bringing it to the table hun 😤😤 also you’re a fellow inumaki enthusiast too??? Yes please. You deserve all the happy things in 2021 <3

@sneezefiction 🖤 Gracie!! I love how easy it is to get along with you! You are truly one of the best people I’ve met on this app and I’ll forever be grateful for our friendship <3 you give off such great vibes all the time omg giving you a huge virtual hug and here’s to more interactions this year! 🥰😽😽😽

@velvetfireworks 🖤 bbyyy!! 🥰 everytime we interact even if it’s not a whole lot, you’re always the sweetest what 😭 I love you and you’re writing so much omggg you are so talented!! I get super excited when I see myself get tagged in one of your stuff 😆 I hope we get to interact more in the future! Have a great New Years ❤️❤️❤️

@a8mine 🖤 stop being so mean to me 😡😡 !!!!!! ig ily anyways tho 🙄 you’re energy is honestly unmatched (in a good way!!) and it’s rare to meet people like that! You’re so funny omg and your random hcs and cursed discourses always have me dying 😭😭 you’re so cool hanna ily 😪✌️ <333

@giorvanna 🖤 ahh rena! Your blog and edits are *chefs kiss* I love our random semi brainrot sessions 🥰🥰 I hope we interact more in the future but in the meantime I’m sending you good vibes and lots of virtual hugs bc you deserve them queen ❤️❤️❤️

@seijohlogy 🖤 hey hey jaestar 🤩🤩 you are such a cool person??? Omg I’m so glad that we’re friends and randomly invade each other’s inboxes 😆 you are so kind! This year better be kind to you too or else 😡😡 I hope that after Ms rona decides to move her ass over, you get to go to Disneyland and take!! Me!!! With!! You!! Love you jae bae ❤️❤️

@prettysetterbaby 🖤 hey sexc 🤩🤩 no idea why you followed me but glad you did bc you are such a sweet and chaotic person!! I loveeeeee <333 I hope we get to interact more bc you are just genuinely such a fun person to interact with! Ilyyy

@datecho 🖤 yet another just genuinely sweet person! The world doesn’t deserve you! You’re so fun to interact with and a hottie??? omg shoto and kags better get off their asses rn and come get you or I will 🤩🤩 ly bae! have a great New Years! ❤️❤️

@miyasangel 🖤 we haven’t interacted much yet but ahaha talking about suna and sending my fanart to you is sm fun! Did I tell you that I also have a wip of Atsumu as a street racer? 😏 have a great year Arden bae! Kisses 😽

@aikk00 🖤 hi hi! We don’t interact on a daily or anything but when we do, omg!!! You are the most easy person to get along with 😭 you have such a good heart along with the talent???omg??? You are UNMATCHED babe! I hope this year brings you many more opportunities! Stay amazing love ❤️ ily and your art very much ❤️ I’m also still very embarrassed from fucking up the credits from last time. I’m so sorry bae 😭❤️❤️

@kurooskult 🖤 ma’am you might as well be the definition of bad bitch 😪🤝 ok but besides that, interacting with you is sm fun??? Like we don’t even have to be moots on your blog to feel just as included and loved! You are such a queen for that! Here’s to more mila x kuroo content in 2021 and he better be doing special for you as he should !!

It’s still the 31st here but THANK YOU ALL FOR MAKING MY COUPLE OF MONTHS ON HERE BEARABLE!!! This sounds like a goodbye post Oml-

I love you all very much. I suck at words, but I hope you know that. ❤️

[prorevenge]

Fuck with my job? Ill fuck with your girlfriend

Tl;dr New manager makes my workplace hell. Took his nephew's girlfriend then get him fired.

Background: This happened nearly 3 years back. In highschool I had a job at a classic car dealership that I loved and it was a great place to work, but the shop at the time did not have a general manager, so the owner employed the help of someone local who is known to be a crook and overall has a very bad reputation. Let's call this guy Mr. Smith and his nephew John

Story: At this car dealership there were only around 7 workers, and though I had a lower level position there everyone was very close and treated each other as family, plus working around classic muscle cars it was the perfect job for me as a highschool kid. The shop was falling under a bit of a hard time from what I heard so the owner employed the new GM Mr. Smith to help in the running of the shop. The owner told me that the manager was only to run the service section and that he would not mess with the showroom where I worked.

The first day with no introduction he walks up and tells me to pull a car out of the showroom so he can take it for a drive and I go along playfully say "yes sir, I'll gas it up and bring that Camaro out to you. I'll bring that Corvette out too so you can try them both" I thought he was just a customer playing with me joking about taking one of the cars home as often happened and did not know this man was my new manager. After about another hour of work and going on to do other things Mr. Smith walks into the showroom and begins tearing into me like I have never been before. Me still unaware that he was my manager. I was loved in the shop and always worked hard so getting chastised at work for being lazy and stupid really took me off my feet. It was at that point I got a warning of things to come and my workplace quickly became a hellscape where I wanted to quit everyday.

My mission was set. I went to school with Mr. Smith's little nephew, who I was not friends with but deffinatly more than aquantinces. Had the same lunch period as me at school. I made extra effort to go see him every lunch and be as charming as possible, especially when John's girlfriend was around. Slowly but surely I strengthened my friendship with both of them. John would usually drive his girlfriend Lily home after school. Soon John began talking about his uncle working with me at this car shop and that he would try to come there so he could be a detailer (my job). I didn't want this by any circumstance and now I'm really on a mission. John said one day to his girlfriend that he couldn't give her a ride home because something had come up (go time) "Hey Lily if he can't give you a ride home I can drop you off, I'm going that way anyway" (this trip was 20 minutes out of my way) to which she obliged and I drove her home, making the normal semi flirty but not overzealous talk.

Well on one of our rides home she had revealed to me that her boyfriend would sometimes hide talking to other girls and how he had snuck out to party with them previous times and she didn't know what to do. After pushing my agenda subtly in conversation that "maybe you two arnt working out for each other" she revealed on another ride home that they had broken up but were still friends. This is when I decided to tell her how sweet and beautiful she was, and through all the time her boyfriend was trying to get her back I was creeping into the boyfriend decision. A knockout date later and some more shared feeling me and Lily began officially dating. John was angry at me but would never confront me and stopped trying to come to work for my shop.

Back at the shop on another fateful day we had to deliver a car for paint work. Standard procedure was one person drives the car going to paint and another drives their own car to pick it up. Well the car in question was a new Dodge viper, so Mr. Smith insisted on driving it and I hopped in Mr. Smith's truck to follow him. As we get to the main road where I am supposed to be following the manager to the paint shop. The gas on the car goes and he begins weaving in and out of traffic at extremely high speed, he's gone from my vision in the next ten seconds. None the less I find my way there where he is bragging to the paintshop guys about how he did 150mph on the main road. Here's the kicker. This was no ordinary shop, it turns out THIS WAS HIS SHOP. I wanted to return to work but the manager just wouldn't come back. Instead of the manager returning to the place he was employed at he proceeded to spend the next 2 hours running his paint shop and even put me to work there ON MY BOSSES DIME. It was closing time when we returned and that was that.

It turns out, the manager had been reporting his hours 7-6 everyday making full salary but was almost never there because he was running his own shop while getting paid to run ours, we were clueless that he had a paint shop and of the many cars that needed bodywork they surprisingly all got sent to his shop and he could post the bill at whatever price he wanted because he was the one writing the checks to his own shop for work.

Me and the owner had a very close friend like relationship so I talked to him and told him I needed to quit and that this place just wasn't for me anymore. I was his favorite employee and this made him very upset, but nonetheless I will and that was that. Before I left though I made sure I had my trap set. Where I left notes on the service desk saying "red Chevelle needs to go to Mr. Smith's shop so he can work on it" and things of the various nature. I was only unemployed there for a month. The owner knew I was quitting because of management.

In my stint unemployed, and do to the dimes I dropped, the owner had found out what Mr. Smith was doing and that he was making over $400,000 a year off of playing us. The owner begged me to come back to the shop and I told him I couldn't because I was doing "mobile detail work" now and for less than $15 an hour I couldn't justify coming back to my original $9 an hour. Before I knew it I had my job back with a $6/hour raise and Mr Smith was forced to go back to the paint shop, which went out of business about 2 months later. He had to sell his Cadillac and the shop.

Me and his nephews ex have been dating for 2 years and are moving in together. She's the perfect girl and I'm glad I took her, even in the most petty way possible. The family still curses my name to this day :)

(source) story by (/u/wacnensaxon)

[iraprince]

okay oops i'm actually just going to do it now.

[infomercial voice] hi! do you like the idea of roleplaying with your friends, but dnd is like a stack of fucking textbooks and you cannot find a way to get six different adult humans in different timezones together for three hours at a time once a week?

do you like weird art, storytelling, poking at the boundaries of genre/medium, making tons and tons of ocs and doing maybe one thing with them, and supporting independent creatives?

then go NOW to... this link that takes you to itch.io's physical games tag and start scrolling around and clicking things that look cool. and you will find incredible amounts of extremely cool shit

don't want to GM or find a GM? guess what! lots of games don't need one, and operate with all players controlling the story -- check those out in the "GM-less" tag!

don't have a group? tons of singleplayer games exist! solo journaling games are some of my favorite ones to explore.

hey you know how in the op i talked about games that fit on a business card? i was not making that up. it's a thing

are you mad at me for shittalking dnd? people write tons of supplements and bonus material for it (and for any other larger system you can think of), which you can use to embellish your own campaigns!

is this still not enough direction? would you like me to just lob some specific games at you? i can do that!

draw and explore a fucked up ever-expanding house room by room in house!

generate full, rich storylines for your characters using tarot cards in divined journey!

be silly, stupid, horny, incredibly violent fops in dueling fops of vindemere!

play garfield ± you. just do that

be a stack of small animals in a trenchcoat in totally real human adults!

make a pile of your favorite stuff and sit with it and tell your boyfriend you love him in hot gay bro dragons!

collect shells and get sloshed over a drawling string of perfect seaside days in beachcombers!

play a month-long dating sim, pushed and pulled by the lunar cycle, in over the moon!

fake-marry someone to carry out a dastardly scheme and definitely do not actually fall in love with them for real in eyes on the prize! (full disclosure: i wrote this one. that's my game lol)

and this is just from me idly scrolling thru games i already happen to own, ONLY on the site itch.io, which is the one i'm talking abt bc it's the one i'm familiar with. this little tiny microscopic sliver is a glimpse constrained by my own tastes. there is no way i could ever show you the full spectrum of what's out there unless i sat here and typed all week. so go!!! go!!!!!!!!! go look!!!!!!!!!!!!! go find games!!!!!!!!!!!!! go MAKE games, bc if you're anything like me, getting into small ttrpgs will suddenly make it click for you that you can MAKE them. and you should!!!

okay that's my post!!

sometime soon i want to write like. a casual info post about indie ttrpgs... until the past few years i was only Vaguely aware that systems other than dnd existed and even then i certainly didn't realize the sheer scale of the scene that exists. or the diversity in types of games, from ones that are just as thorough and robust as well-known systems down to ones that literally fit on a business card -- and now that i'm into it i take it for granted but i do wonder how many ppl, when i talk abt my games, maybe just have no idea what they are?? but small/indie ttrpgs are so much fucking fun, and imo are frankly often a much better way to get new ppl into roleplaying games than hitting them over the head with the excel sheet experience of rolling baby's first dnd character, and i want EVERYONE TO KNOW ABOUT THEM. RIGHT NOW

[mysticmysterywrites-blog]

Prompt #7

I want to do an apocalypse like setting with these three characters that I have. They're in a relationship with eachother, and have stopped at one of those middle of nowhere towns that just kind of exist?? Probably the only sign that the apocalypse hit being that theres no one around anymore and shit.

The first character is Amara. She's probably the most dangerous of the three, and is the type to shoot a bitch without hesitation. She has a soft spot for her partners and children, but other than that is willing to crack someone over the head and leave them to die. She isn't described in roleplay, but she's about 5'10, with long braided black hair and tanned skin. She has brown eyes.

Ko is the second character, and he is described in prompt. He's like the least dangerous of the three. He LOOKS threatening, but he doesn't know how to use like any weapons and basically acts as their doctor (Which, you know. He was studying to be one before everything went to hell land)

Asa (it's a nickname) is the final character. He uses a sword instead of a gun, which he defends on the basis of it being easier to kill zombies with. A lot more silent, and he normally isn't TRYING to hurt PEOPLE with it so it's all fine. That said, Amara is the one doing most of the fighting out of the three. He's the best smooth talker of the group though, and when it comes to dealing with people is most likely the one they'll turn to.

I imagine at this point in the roleplay, the apocalypse has been going on for about 3-4 or so years so far? Like, enough that the dust has startled to settle but still to the point where things are a bit panicked. These three have all been traveling together for about 6 months now, and Amara and Asa were traveling together for about a year before that. They do have an end goal to where they want to go, but your character will need to dig that out of them.

As for your character, they can be anyone! Someone that's been making this walmart their home and doesn't appreciate the people coming by? Someone who needs the medicine more than they do at the moment? Just someone on a supply run of their own?? Maybe someone younger then the bunch of them, and think's they're far tougher shit then they really are?? Possibilities are endless.

I'm willing to let this get Nsfw, but only if you and your character are 18+. But I do want this to be a slow burn kinda rp. If the plot takes us there, then it may happen. That said, you don't have to match this! I'm kind of cheating with the length by having like.. three characters. Just reply to your comfort, and I'll try and match! We'll be gucci.

Amara was not the type to trust easily.

It was just how it was in this bitch of a world. The more people you trusted, the more likely you were to get hurt. Or something obnoxiously sentimental like that. She'd learned that lesson time and time over, each and every time she'd placed herself in a group having been stabbed in the back. At one point /literally./ She knew better than to trust, knew better than to rely on others for her own safety.

...That said.

Even she had her soft spots. They were rare, and took time to grow. But they existed, and even she was willing to admit they were there. Her soft spots can in her two companions.

"Nah, nah you aint hearin' me out," Her first companion would laugh, somehow managing to walk backwards and bounce over every obstacle in his path. He was a small man, with a mohawk that had long ago begun to over grow (She'd need to talk Ko into cutting it for him. She'd offer to do it herself, but she'd always been a bit bad at that) bright blue eyes, and pale skin, "If we got horses instead of a car, we'd never have to worry about running out of gas. Maybe we'd have to worry about like.. Where we could store stuff. But we could totally go like-- You know those carts people would have on the back of their horses? Like.. The fuckin' Oregon trail games, that shit!"

"..Wagons?" She added, helpfully at that.

"Yeah! We could have wagons!! Could you 'magine tryin' ta shoot walkers in one of them badboys?" Asa raised his eyebrows, gaze more on the man next to her then herself. The man next to her- Ko. He was a sharp contrast to the sight of the other man. Tall, dark skin. Scars that seemed to dance and curl on his skin, and dreadlockes he'd managed to pull up in a style that she'd never be able to replicate behind him. He really was pretty, and whispers between herself and Asa had deemed that he probably couldn't hurt a fly if he'd wanted to.

Ko snorted, his arm moving around her waist. She could feel the hesitation in his motions, as if he was silently asking her "..Hey, is this alright to do?" To which she leaned in closer. Her own hand rubbing up and down his spine, fingers all but dancing on his skin. He was still so nervous about attention. And she really did understand, but.. She'd just sigh, allowing him a chance to ease himself into it.

Asa, on the other hand.. "You just want an excuse to have horses around," She reached over to smack his arm, needing to slip out of Ko's grip to do so. He stuck his tongue out at her in response.

"Fuck yeah I do. Horses are awesome," He shrugged

"Air conditioning," Ko said simply, as if that would debate all the point's that Asa was shooting out at them.

"We have generators! And fans!! It's basically the same thing!" It wasn't, and by the way Asa paused and deflated, he knew it wasn't as well, "Okay then. A farm. I want a farm. We gotta have a farm! I miss meat..."

She'd sigh, "If we can find horses, we'll consider- and I mean it when I say consider! taking them along," a stupid thing to agree to, but it at least got him to stop on it for a bit. And it did.

"Alright," She looked around the walmart. It was one of those kind of walmarts where she was sure that, back in the day when things were up and running it must have gone around and bought out every other grocery store in the middle of nowhere town, and had at the time had a balls out monopoly on the place. However, now that like 80% of America had succumbed to the disease that was zombiefication, it was just a flat out gold mine of possible things that they could find, "Ko, darling, can you go try and take care of food and medicine,"

"Mm.. what else would I be getting?" He tried to sound like he was complaining, but it sounded half assed and accepting of his roll among them.

"Know the most go get the most," She paused, "We can probably stop by the towns hospital before we leave if there's nothing left here, but mm.. Judging by the looks of this place, we'll probably be fine," She shrugged, sliding a cart her partner's way, "Asa, Can you go see if you can find batteries and lightbulbs and shit? And maybe bullets and other kinda weapons. You tend to be good at sniffing that kinda shit out."

He scoffed, "Good at sniffing them out? It's a talent doll!" He bounced in his spot, moving to grab a cart of his own, "I'll meet you in the medicine isle!" And just like that, he was off.

"Remember to pick up any seed packets you find! AND- Maybe. Another. Map.. He didn't hear me, alright..." She called out, before turning her attention to Ko again, "...I'm gonna go try finding us some entertainment. I don't know about you two, but I'm getting kind of bored with checkers and monopoly. Cards against humanity can stay, but it's on thin fucking ice," A groan of agreement was his acknowledgment, but it was one that hid amusement behind it's tone, "Be careful, yeah?"

"I'm the one you're telling that to?" He asked, eyebrow raised and a laugh on his voice. But as soon as he noticed the look she was giving him, he'd nod, ".. I will. I have my gun on me," He reassured, and for a second was okay with splitting up like this.

She'd taken her time strolling up and down the isles, occasionally picking shit off the shelves. There were a few boardgames she'd never heard of, some that she had heard of but had over played so much in her child hood that she'd just gotten board of them. And- Shit, was that pokemon?? She'd been looking for those games since this stupid apocalypse had begun. Should probably grab some nintendo's to go with it... She snatched what remained of the sorry game isle, popping the objects in her cart.

By the time she'd finished going through the isles, her cart had been at least half full, various hand held's and board games sloppily piled around her. Which wasn't a bad thing. It would, at the very least, give them something to do while they traveled. But they did only have so much room in their van. Hmm.. Maybe this would call for some reorganization in the back?

As promised, she'd made her way back to the medicine isle, flipping through the pages of one of the book's she'd picked up with a sort of half paying attention look to her, the other part of her trying to think of ways they could reorganize their van. While it WAS a pretty big van, it kept basically everything they owned in there. Maybe it was time to invest their time in trying to find a trailer and a truck?? Her smile twitched up as she even considered the idea of using the horses and carriages like Asa had suggested. She loved the guy, but god. They'd been doing pretty good at finding fuel so far, why would that be a worry now?

Besides, wouldn't they find SOMEWHERE safe before that became an issue?

Shaking her head, she rounded the corner she'd heard them talking from.. hell, the other end of the store, "I picked up some of these shitty smut novels. You know the kind. Oh Johnson take me /now!/ Kinda novel. And, like, How do you guys feel about DnD? I use to GM for my group before- Uh..." Slowly. Carefully. She put the book back down into the cart (On top of a few of the notebooks she'd managed to find. Another score). The scene registered rather quickly in her head. A person, someone she didn't know. Knife in their hand, pointed at her partners. The person looked like a startled deer, like the hadn't expected her to pop around the corner. Asa had his sword out, placing himself between the person and Ko, but lord. Did she not like how close they were to the two of them.

Her stomach sank, and her body reacted before she fully registered the scene, and she found herself with a gun in her hand before she could tell them to move, "You," Her tone was calm, but the kind of calm that held nothing but a storm behind it, "Need to lower your knife, and step away from the both of them. I will not hesitate to shoot you, and take everything you currently own."

[klaineanummel]

eighteen going on extinct 2/20

Kurt Fabray just wants to relax after a tough week at school, but that is shown to be impossible when he realizes that his absent father has once again blown into town. Not wanting to spend more time around him than necessary, Kurt goes to his old babysitters house, the one place he feels safe when his father is in town. While there, he stumbles upon a secret he knows he was never meant to find out - one that could change the entire course of his life.

An AU very loosely based on Mamma Mia.

I completely forgot to mention this on the first chapter, but a million thanks go to @mailroomorder. I really don't know what I would do without you. You take every single one of my fics and actually make it readable. I literally owe you a million thanks for all you've done for me, not only for this fic, but throughout the years. I love you <3 <3 <3 <3

Hope you enjoy!! :D

Previous Chapter  |  Read on AO3

It takes a while to get to the south side of Lima. The bus system is shit, and he has to switch buses twice to get where he needs to go, and even once he’s there he has to walk a good ten minutes before he reaches the Berry-Hudson house.

He kicks a stone as he walks down the sidewalk, admiring the lack of graffiti on the building walls. All the houses over here have nice yards and are separated by fences. Some even have pools.

Where he lives, the nicest place you can get is an attached home, but they’re all rentals. He and his mom lived in one for about a year when he was seven, back when she was dating Big Steve. It didn’t last long, but it had been nice to briefly live somewhere other than an apartment.

Finn and Rachel’s house isn’t as big as some of the others on their street, but it’s still bigger than anything Kurt’s ever lived in. He pushes the gate open, glancing at the pruned shrubs that line that walkway up to their front door. He wonders if they take care of those themselves or if they pay someone to do it.

He knocks on the door, shoving his hands in his pockets. He hasn’t been here in a while, which sort of makes him feel like he’s taking advantage of their hospitality.

Finn opens the door, smiling that dopey smile of his and instantly getting out of the way.

“Hey, man,” he greets, patting Kurt on the back as he walks into the house. “Long time, no see.”

“Uh, yeah,” Kurt says, taking his shoes off as soon as he’s in the house (it may have been a while, but he still remembers Rachel’s house rules). “Sorry about that. It’s just…”

“Don’t worry, dude,” Finn says, still grinning. “We’re just glad you still felt okay to call. Come on, we just finished making supper.”

Kurt nods. “Cool,” he says. “I, uh. I brought Coke. I know Rachel doesn’t really drink carbonated stuff, but-”

“Thanks!” Finn starts to lead him toward the dining room. “Just means more for you and me, right?”

Kurt can’t help but smile at the endless optimism that the man exudes. He’s already feeling better than he has all day, just from being around him for a few seconds. He really needs to come here more often.

Rachel is just placing some cups around the already-set table when he walks in. She’s just as tiny as ever, and her smile is just as big as it always is when he comes over. “Kurt, hi!” she greets hurrying over to him and wrapping him in a big hug. “It’s so good to see you.”

He hugs her back, still feeling a little strange about being so much taller than her (he can’t even imagine how Finn must feel). He remembers when would accompany Finn when he’d babysit Kurt, and how Kurt used to wish he’d one day grow to be at least as tall as Rachel.

“We made a broccoli casserole, but Finn also has some hot dogs in the fridge he thinks I can’t see,” she winks at him. “We can heat some of those up in the microwave, if you’d like?”

Kurt instantly shakes his head. He’s already had hot dogs twice this week. “Broccoli casserole sounds perfect.”

“Wonderful! Oh, I forgot what a perfect guest you are. You really do need to come around for dinner more often.”

Kurt can’t help but smile as she leads him toward the chair at the end of the table. “Yeah, I’ve been meaning to come around. It’s just been so crazy with my job and school starting up and everything.”

“That’s right,” Finn says, coming out of the kitchen with the casserole dish in hand. Rachel sits on Kurt’s left, and Finn takes the seat to the right. “You’re at McDonald’s, right?”

Kurt shakes his head. “Wendy’s. McDonald’s let me go.”

Finn sets the casserole dish down, and glances at Kurt. “Did they have reason to?”

Kurt shrugs. “The GM was dating my mom, but he cheated on her. I skipped a shift to console her and he said that wouldn’t fly. So… technically, I guess.”

He watches as Finn and Rachel exchange a glance; the same glance they exchange every time he mentions his mom.

“Well, it’s good you got another job, then,” Rachel says, eyes still on Finn. “I prefer Wendy’s anyway. Better vegan options.”

That’s not true, and they all know it, but Kurt just nods and says, “Yeah.”

Rachel starts serving the casserole, and Kurt barely manages to wait until it’s all scooped onto his plate before he digs in. He hasn’t had anything like this in so long. Eric, the GM at McDonald’s, used to cook dinner for his mom sometimes and she’d bring back leftovers, but since he fucked off it’s mostly been take out and quick meals. It’s not like either of them really has the time to cook.

“So,” Rachel says as Kurt shovels food into his mouth. “How’s, um. How’s Sebastian?” Kurt glances up at her and sees her smiling tightly. “Is that still… happening?”

Kurt shakes his head, and he can see her shoulders slump in relief. “He moved away, for college. Got into Yale.” He shrugs, stabbing a piece of broccoli with his fork. “Finally realized everyone else was right and he really was too good for me.”

“Hey,” Finn says harshly, causing Kurt to jump. “That’s not true, okay? If anything, you were way too good for him.”

Rachel is nodding along. “His parents were my neighbours growing up, and sometimes I’d babysit Sebastian when he was younger. He was always a little brat.”

That makes Kurt smile. “He didn’t take too well to not getting his way, did he?” he chuckles, thinking back on the time Sebastian tried to get Kurt to go down on him when he really didn’t feel like it. He’d stormed out of his room in a huff, only to return two minutes later saying that this was his house and Kurt needed to leave.

It wasn’t like it was the best relationship, and Kurt is well aware of that. Still sucks that everybody saw it before he did.

They chat casually for a while. Kurt pulls the Coke out of his bag and Finn goes to get them some ice. Rachel ends up pouring herself a half-glass, though her face scrunches up as she drinks it, which makes Kurt and Finn laugh.

Finn tells him about his middle-school students and how they’re currently writing their own plays. He’s so enthusiastic as he talks, hands gesturing wildly, the grin never leaving his face. Kurt wishes that he’d attended West Lima Middle School instead of North; he really would have liked to have Finn as a teacher.

Rachel briefly talks about how she’s considering going back on the road for a national tour of Wicked. She’s mostly been producing plays lately, but apparently she’s been feeling the performing itch.

Although he thinks Finn is awesome, and knows he’s the best teacher ever, he really admires Rachel and the work she does. Even if McKinley High School and North Lima Middle School didn’t really have drama programs, he’s always been interested in acting and singing. Rachel helps put on most of the productions that come to Columbus and has gotten several smaller theater companies off the ground; plus, she used to be on Broadway. He’d love to step into her shoes, even just for a day.

He listens intently as Rachel talks about the audition process, and how it’s down to her and two other girls for Elphaba, though she’s sure she has the role in the bag. He loves hearing her talk about the theater world, even the inanest aspects of it. He once listened to her talk for an hour about what brands of make-up were better to wear on stage.

When she’s finished, a bit of a silence falls over the table. Kurt is too awed by her stories to say anything, but Finn seems to have something else on his mind.

After a few minutes of silence, during which Kurt scoops himself a little bit more casserole, Finn turns to him and asks, “Kurt, why did you call me tonight?”

Kurt pauses, his fork full of broccoli and potatoes halfway to his mouth. “Um.”

“You said there was a situation, but you didn’t explain.” He turns a little in his chair. “Is it your dad? Is he back?”

Kurt sighs and places his fork on the plate. He slumps in his chair and runs a hand through his hair. “Yeah,” he says quietly. “Totally blindsided me. He was there when I got home from school. Drove down from LA to ‘see me,’ or so he says.”

Rachel reaches a hand out to take his. “Does your mom know you’re here?” she asks.

Kurt shakes his head. “Told her I was with some friends, just didn’t say who. I didn’t…” he glances at Finn, then looks down at his plate. “Puck gets weird when I mention you guys.”

The look they exchange tells him they know exactly what he means by ‘weird’.

“How long is he staying?” Rachel asks.

Kurt shrugs. “Who knows. Mom says he’s on his feet, that he isn’t here for money, but I don’t trust him. He’s got a fancy new motorcycle, but that doesn’t mean shit. Last time he brought me $300 season passes to see the Buckeyes, but still begged mom for a couple grand to help him ‘get back on his feet,’” he lowers his voice and puts air quotes around the words. He shakes his head. “She wants me to be nice to him because he’s my dad, but I don’t think that’s enough. Just because he donated part of my DNA doesn’t mean he’s my father, you know?”

Finn and Rachel exchange another look, which Kurt ignores. Instead, he continues his rant.

“It’s just stupid. She never takes shit from anyone. When Eric cheated on her she kicked him so hard in the balls that he limped for a week. One time a boyfriend stole ten dollars from her purse and she punched him right in the nose when she found out. But with Puck? It’s like she turns into this pathetic schoolgirl with a crush that she just can’t get over. He can literally do whatever he wants, and she’ll never see the truth that he’s a deadbeat asshole who could give two shits about her.”

“She was always like that with Puck…” Rachel says, shaking her head. She smiles at Kurt and squeezes his hand. “We know it’s tough for you to be around him, so please, feel free to stay here as long as you want, okay?”

Finn nods along, and Kurt smiles. “Thanks, guys. You know, for letting me come over, and for letting me rant.”

“Any time. We mean it.”

They finish dinner soon after that, and Finn suggests they watch a movie. He lets Kurt pick, claiming that Rachel will just make them watch “A Star is Born” for the hundredth time. Kurt picks “Yentl” just to mess with him.

Their TV is a lot bigger than Kurt’s, and their sofa is softer. Kurt curls his legs under himself and thanks Finn halfway through the movie when the man passes him a throw. He pulls the throw close to his body, feeling cozy and safe.

He always feels safe in the Berry-Hudson house.

When the movie ends, Rachel suggests they play a board game, so Finn pulls out Sorry! They play a few rounds, laughing and teasing each other. Rachel wins every round to absolutely nobody’s surprise.

By around eleven Rachel admits she’s ready to call it a day. She gives Kurt a kiss on the forehead and thanks him for coming over, reiterating yet again that their door is always open for him. Finn says he thinks he should head to bed, too, and Kurt reluctantly says that he has a shift in the morning, so he should probably hit the hay, too.

The guest room is all set up for him, just the way it always is. The blankets and pillows are piled high, and Kurt already feels his heartbeat speeding up at the thought of sleeping in the queen-sized bed, as opposed to the twin he has in his room at home.

Finn bids him goodnight, leaving him alone. He smiles as he changes into his pajamas, thankful for the millionth time for Finn and his wife.

They’ve always been good to him. Finn was always his favourite babysitter when he was a kid, and he was the only one who kept in touch even when he stopped needing someone to babysit him. The first time Kurt called Finn after a fight with Puck, Finn came to pick him up and brought him to his house. Kurt was only thirteen at the time, but Finn made it very clear to him that he was always welcome to stay with him and Rachel. No matter what.

Sometimes, as a young boy, Kurt used to dream about Finn being his dad instead of Puck. Not that he wanted his mom and Finn to be together – Rachel and Finn were obviously soulmates and he’d never wish for them to be apart. No, he just liked the idea of having a dad who was around. Who wanted to spend time with him. Who cared for him and spent time with him without expecting anything in return.

He gets into the bed, his phone in hand. He unlocks it, finding a couple of messages from his mom asking him where he went. There’s another message from his boss, asking if he could come in half an hour earlier. Kurt rolls his eyes but texts back that he can, trying to mentally calculate how early he’ll have to get up to make that work.

Just as he’s setting his alarms he gets a notification warning him that he’s at 20% battery. He groans and pulls himself out of bed, going to his backpack and digging through it.

Fuck.

“Great,” he says as he pulls out the last piece of clothing. Of course he forgot his charger. Just his luck.

He sighs and heads out the door. He knows Rachel has an iPhone, too. Knowing her, she’ll have at least two extra charger cables.

He reaches the door to their bedroom and raises a hand to knock, but pauses when he hears them talking inside.

“- you’ve respected her decision this long, but this isn’t good for him. If Puck is actually going to be sticking around for the long run-”

“We don’t know if he is, Rach. He’ll probably just hang out for a week or two, like he always does, and then admit he needs money. Quinn will give him money, because for some reason she always does, and then he’ll be out of their hair. That’s how it always goes.”

“What if it doesn’t go that way this time, Finn? I don’t—” Kurt hears her sigh. “He’s such a good kid. I know he acts tough, but we both know that’s not who he is. I don’t want Puck messing up his life any more than he already has.”

“I don’t either, you know I don’t, but I just don’t see how it would make a difference.”

“You don’t – Finn, if you could prove your paternity we could try and get joint custody. He could live with us two weeks out of the month. That’s two whole weeks he wouldn’t have to be around that… that man.”

Kurt’s eyes widen, heart skipping a beat.

“He’s not mine, Rachel,” Finn says. “We’ve known that for years.”

“We don’t, though. We never got the test done because Quinn insisted and we wanted to be respectful, but this has gone on long enough. I can’t just sit idly by anymore! Even if Puck doesn’t stick around this time he’s going to keep coming back, over and over again. That’s what he does, Finn. You know that as well as I do.”

“She doesn’t want me to, Rachel. She made it very clear that Kurt wasn’t mine. It would be a dick move to ask for a paternity test now.”

“I just want to be sure, Finn. I hate thinking of him in that house with Puck. I hate it.”

“Me too, Rach, but there’s nothing we can do. Quinn made it very clear –”

“Look, Finn, I think Quinn is an amazing mother. I’ve said that since day one. She’s done an incredible job raising Kurt by herself. But when it comes to Puck, she doesn’t know how to set boundaries. He’s always been her weak spot, and he’s always going to be her weak spot. It’s not good for Kurt to be in that environment, and I’m tired of ignoring the fact that there is a chance that you are that boy’s father.”

The words ring in Kurt’s ears, amplified by the silence that’s fallen over the house.

His breathing quickens.

Finn speaks after a few moments of silence. “I’ll think about it, okay?”

“Okay,” Rachel replies. “Thank you. That’s all I ask.”

Kurt forces himself to move, heading right back to the guest room, heart jackhammering in his chest. He’s clutching his phone tightly, and his breaths are coming quickly.

He always knew his mom and Finn dated in high school, before she got pregnant with him. She’d told him when he was five and he asked her how she’d met his favourite babysitter. He’d never really known the timeline of their relationship, though.

He climbs back into bed, placing his phone on a pillow next to his head. He feels wide awake as he stares up at the ceiling, this new discovery coursing through his veins like a particularly powerful drug.

The very idea that Puck might not be his dad brings him a joy he cannot even imagine. There will be nothing left connecting him to that asshole. His mom can keep him around if she wants, but Kurt won’t owe him anything.

Holy shit.

He smiles to himself at the thought of finally being able to officially tell Puck to get fucked. He can just imagine slamming down the paternity test in front of the man and telling him to have a good life.

He pulls the blankets closer.

Well, fuck.

Chapter Three

[apostatively]

I met the world's worst retail customer today.

I work at Torrid, so 90% of the people who come into my store are women or somehow feminine-aligned, and the majority of them are still somewhat vulnerable about self-image and shopping for clothes, meaning I would die with a heckler’s jugular in my teeth for any of them. So when I hear an older male voice announce “I’m here for the job!” my fight or flight responses are already triggered before I turn around and see maybe a sixty-something man with pale hair and glasses approaching. Another guy, similar profile, is approaching by circling around the side of a tall display near the entrance, for some goddamn reason (fellas, is it gay to go to the mall with your buddy and walk within five feet of them?) and he’s already laughing, so I immediately put the counter at my back. This all happens in a split second, that second in which any woman who’s worked retail knows, this guy is about to prove himself to be a harmless doofus who thinks he’s god’s gift to comedy, or a raging asshole who thinks comedy is targeting quiet sales girls and publicly embarrassing them.

It was the latter. First guy raises both hands and makes that “"honking”“ motion with them to indicate squeezing someone’s breasts, and says, "You know, for the bra fittings?” His buddy was snickering like he’s fifteen instead of fifty. Would that it were so fucking easy to kick them out of my store. He didn’t drop his hands until he stopped about a foot from me. I had nothing to say to these men, but I didn’t bother to hide the venom and incredulity I felt and I glared the first man down. The guy’s friend was really cracking up, because first dude didn’t seem to know what to do with my reaction either. He tries to act casual, says I should lighten up, typical predictable bullshit. Because he didn’t seem to have a follow-up besides sexually harassing people I was about to demand they get out, but then the first guy mutters that he needs to get a gift card because his wife and daughter shop there. “Sure.” I robotically go around the counter, because sexist fucks don’t get customer service. As I’m ringing the card up as quickly as humanly possible and with as little interaction as possible he sees a few panties we were folding laying on the countertop and decides to continue to show himself, picking them up, making comments like, “Hey, that’s hot,” and of a holiday themed one that said ‘naughty’, “Does it say 'nice’ on the other side?” just fucking inspecting them while his buddy giggles. He paid with a $100 and my brain spit out its usual scripted reaction when a customer does that, “Alright, Mr. Franklin,” and the guy grinned and said “There’s your sense of humor! I was wondering where it was a minute ago.” I avoided eye contact as I stuffed his stupid card in a bag, because if I looked at him I was literally going to be snarling. Crossed the counter, handed off the bag. His buddy’s gotten bored and wandered out. The fucker hangs out another minute or so talking about how his wife and daughter love the store, how they go shopping with his wife’s sisters back in New Orleans, where they’re from. I “yeah,” “uh-huh”, and “sure” my way through until he turns to leave, and calls after me as he goes, “And remember not to take things so seriously! You have to learn to get along with people in sales,” says something about owning two stores so he “"knows”“ (I pity his employees if that’s true), and exits. I literally start shaking so hard over the next minute, I have to go to the back room and punch some sweaters.

How DARE he?!? How dare men like him insert themselves into people’s lives, people just going about their business, doing their best to get by at their already underpaid jobs, and threaten them with invasion and assault?!?!? I despise him for getting away with it. This isn’t part of any sane sales interaction, and if he hadn’t snared me into a transaction I’m sure he knew from my face that I was seconds from booting his sinister, decrepit ass. And if he had approached one of my associates like that, it would have taken me half a second to snap "GET OUT.” But of course my instinct is to stand up for others, not myself, so that would have been easy. I told my GM everything when she returned, but god, I desperately wish she’d been there! The fact that he walks this earth terrorizing innocent people in these small but devastating ways makes me wish I had set him on fire.

My only regret is maxing out my intimidation efforts to the point where a charisma overture to find out the name of the stores he allegedly owns would likely not have been effective.

Anyway.

*Please* go vote.

[thedesperatehousehusband]

The Super Bowel

So I had committed to blogging at least once a month and here it is February 8th and this is my first post of year. But, y’all, 2021 has been like a shot out of a cannon. Motherfuckers, January was SOMETHING.ELSE. But I’m not here to talk about that. I’m going to talk about the big deal of February.

THE SUPER BOWL. Or in this instance the Super Bowel (Movement).

The game was a turd. There’s nothing left to say about it. Tom Brady is such a douche nozzle. I cannot deal with him and his mouth kissing monkey business. I was so hoping Patrick Mahomes could pull it off. Because I love Patrick Mahomes. As well as Travis Kelce. He is delish.

Let’s talk pre-game musical stuff. H.E.R did a good job. Subdued until she tore it up on her guitar. I really like her (aka H.E.R.) Now I don’t want to call anyone’s baby ugly but that national anthem was not good. Eric Church and Jasmine Sullivan really lost their way. They lost the melody pretty early on and never got it back. And, let’s be real, it’s a really recognizable melody.

Shifting gears to the halftime show, oof. I give credit to the Weeknd for singing live. We can say that much. He sang live. Unfortunately he did not sing live well or good or even mediocre. Ooooof. I really like the Weeknd and think his songs are great but he is very clearly incredibly enhanced and autotuned. I said very quickly that JLo had nothing to worry about if she was concerned. Her show remains the best in years. And I will NEVER, EVER understand the controversy surrounding that show. People are lunatics.

OK. Let’s talk advertisements. One caveat. We quit watching the game in the 4th quarter because it was so awful so we missed some commercials. My gut tells me that there weren’t amazing spots at the 2:00 minute warning but if I omit your favorite that’s why. Here we go:

·       Old, the new M. Night Shyamalan movie. This looks quite interesting. And it will be available ONLY IN THEATERS so mask up, fuckers.

·       M&Ms. There was Dan Levy, there was mention of “Karen”, there was mansplaining. It was clever and I appreciated it for the cleverness. Who doesn’t like M&Ms?

·       Paramount+ Streaming. Snooki, Christine Baranski, Bryce DeChambeau, some level of animated programming, that judge from All Rise, Cedric the Entertainer, Star Trek: Discovery. Jesus. H. Christ. They crammed it all in there and then some. They promoted this shit FIVE times. They’re going to make this service happen or someone will be killed.

·       The Falcon & the Winter Soldier on Disney+. I’m here for it. I’m into it. Bring it on.

·       Doordash. Combing Sesame Street and Daveed Diggs is a wonderful idea. In my opinion, this was the best spot of the Super Bowl. An appropriate nod to the situation that most restaurants are facing with relevant tie ins to their actual business.

·       The Equalizer. Here comes the Queen. This got four promos. If this fails, someone will lose their job at CBS.

·       Doritos 3D. With Matthew McConaughey in 2D. It was pretty fun for about 10 seconds but it lasted much longer than that. Then it got weird. #flatmatthew. C’mon, part of looking at Matthew is seeing him in 3D.

·       GM Engines? I don’t know what it was truly for? Carbon neutral cars? Engines? That’s the sad thing. The good thing it was really funny. Will Ferrell. You just can’t go wrong. Then you throw in Kenan Thompson and Awkwafina and you basically have gold. But I still don’t know what the hell the spot was for.

·       Pringles and astronauts. I didn’t get it.

·       Bud Light. Legends and then also Post Malone. Silly.

·       Chipotle. For Real. So stupid and heavy handed. No one needs that kind of message from fast casual burritos.

·       Clarice. CBS wants this to happen but not as much as they want The Equalizer to happen. Who is the actress impersonating Jodie Foster?

·       Mountain Dew with John Cena. I don’t know what the flavor was. I don’t what the spot was about. I don’t care. Mountain Dew is diabetes in a bottle.

·       Which plays nicely into Dexcom. Now that’s how you use a celebrity. Nick Jonas is a Type 1 diabetic. He’s credible. He’s appropriately aspirational. Smart.

·       Indeed. This had something to do with jobs. Getting a job? Job postings? I don’t know. It was too much and I hated it.

·       State Farm. Oooh. This was funny. “Stand ins don’t talk”. That’s what Jake said to Drake. Paul Rudd as Patrick Mahomes? Yes, please. More of this. I love that Drake was even willing to do this. I suppose he got a million bucks. That’ll do it.

·       Bud Light Seltzer Lemonade. Lemon of the year. Making lemons with lemonade. Or lemonade seltzer. How can there be that many hard seltzers?

·       Scot’s Lawn Care. It was bad.

·       Skechers with Tony Romo. Enough said. Tony Romo, while looking real good, is just kind of grating.

·       WeatherTech. My goodness. This was intense. It was a Benetton ad for all-weather car mats. We get it. Diversity.

·       Rocket Mortgage. This was very close to my favorite. Both executions were very funny. You don’t want to be “pretty sure” about your mortgage. Tracy Morgan was the right person for this. It wasn’t smarmy at all. It could have been. It was just the right tone and the other actors were very funny.

·       Oatly. Wow, no cow. Wow, hot mess.

·       Toyota with Jessica Long. Now THAT’S how you do an Olympic spot. Love, love, love.

·       eTrade. You are NOT the best around despite the throwback soundtrack. Terrible.

·       Hellmann’s with Amy Schumer. This was very clever. Use up the stuff in your fridge by sprucing it up with mayo.

·       TurboTax. So awful.

·       Mercari. What is this? I still don’t know and I even Googled it. I’m unclear. I think it’s an online market of some kind. But for what? Angel dust? Pastries? Tires? It could be anything.

·       Tide. It’s dirtier than it looks but also with Jason Alexander. That tween doesn’t know who Jason Alexander is, does he? I dunno. It was fine.

·       Dr. Squatch. What the fuck is this brand or product?

·       Vroom.com. Why?

·       Jimmy John’s. Does Jimmy John’s have Super Bowl money and enough to pay for Brad Garrett? I guess they think they do.

·       T Mobile with Blake Shelton, Gwen Stefani and Adam Levine. This was likely a little meta and you have to understand the history to think it’s funny but I enjoyed it. There was also a LOT of mention of 5G or similar during this particular Super Bowl.

·       Because the next spot was AT&T Fiber with Frodo and a bunch of LOTR superfans. Meh.

·       Fiverr. What in the ever loving fuck?

·       Coming 2 America. Yaaaas. I’m here for this movie.

·       Cheeto’s with Shaggy, Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher. We get it. Cheeto’s make your fingers orange. I’m over it.

·       Squarespace. Working 5 to 9. I don’t get it. Were you working 9 to 5 and then a side hustle from 5 to 9. Areyou working 5:00 AM to 9:0 PM?

·       Cadillac Lyriq. I wanted to like this but it just got so stupid.

·       Anheuser-Busch. This was overwrought.

·       Jeep. But THIS was really overwrought. I’m in the minority on this one. I think lots of people were very moved by this. I thought it was too much and, dammit, if I’m going to watch Bruce for 60 seconds, he had best to sing.

·       Michelob Ultra Organic Seltzer. I can’t with all these fucking seltzers.

·       Klarna. What in the ever loving fuck is this product or service? I still don’t know.

·       Bass Pro Shop/Cabela’s. Calm down.

·       Robinhood. What is this company? What do they sell? Terrible.

·       Alexa as Michael B. Jordan. The joke ran out of steam. This would be better as a :30 as opposed to a :60.

·       Guaranteed Rate Mortgage. Believe you will or some shit? Whatever.

Hey, at least there was a Super Bowl. That’s the win. May Tom Brady get quinoa stuck in his colon and be unable to poop it out next year. That’s my fervent hope.

[lostflyingfish]

I’m still feeling really heated

about the how there isn’t a single female player in the Overwatch league. 

So I’m going to keep talking about it, because that’s what I always do when something is bothering me. 

The league has 12 teams that need a minimum of 6 players and max of 12 to a team, that means there are at least 72 players spots with the potential to have up to 144. And yet it appears* that none of the teams have any women, like I’m not sure if they even tried to sign a female player.

Like tell me that’s not ridiculous. Try it. 

I commented on a post earlier with a link to a Kotoku article, basically saying that teams didn’t want to deal with the “drama” of signing a female player. The article quoted specifically

“The Houston Outlaws, for example, spent a solid chunk of their 20-minute conference engaging with the question, noting that Geguri wasn’t a good fit for them because of the language barrier and concerns over co-ed player housing, and that other women hoping to join the scene face a serious uphill battle. “You have to go through all these hurdles, like if you pick up a player, is the press gonna call it a PR stunt, or is it because she was the best?” said Outlaws general manager Matt Rodriguez.”

So the Outlaws were one of the few teams that did not sign on any Korean players, but they do have a players from Finland, Sweden, Canada, and Belgium. They are owned by a professional eSports organization that has competitive teams for CoD, Halo, and CS:GO (there’s more but idc, also are Halo tournaments still a thing?). Again most of these players are from the US with a few exceptions. But I want you to guess how many women I found listed on their rosters? Their website? 

None.

The article goes on to say that the London team, which is composed of all Korean players, didn’t even think to sign a female player. New York, also all have an all Korean team, said that they thought “she just doesn’t fit their current goals.”

A PR STUNT, THAT’S WHAT THEY’RE CONCERNED WITH, NOT WINNING P-FUCKING-R. 

YOU KNOW HOW YOU PROVE IT’S NOT A PR STUNT? LET HER PLAY AND WATCH HER WIN. 

Being the first to sign a female player, could be seen as a PR stunt, but why is that bad? You overlook a whole group of potential candidates because you can’t handle a few “hurdles”. The hurdle being a language barrier, co-ed housing, team synergy. Language can’t be something you use to excuse not signing a female player when most teams sign a player from any where if he’s good enough. There are players from Puerto Rico, Brazil, and Ethiopia (well one player from each of those places at any rate). This also sort of implies that 1) Koreans don’t know English?? and 2) players are too stupid to figure out how to communicate with each other. Team synergy is also not something they can blame solely on gender. I can’t tell if they’re talking about the staff and/or players figuring out how to get along with women, but either way it’s a HUGE giveaway about their actual stance on women. 

If theses are actual problems then what the ever loving fuck DO THEY PAY YOU FOR? 

The article continues to have quotes from GM’s and owners about how it be nice to one day not have an all-male team, and they readily acknowledge that it’s harder for women to be here, in this field, this environment. They acknowledge the need for change, and yet….

“…Dan Fiden, president of Cloud9, the esports organization that London Spitfire is a part of, acknowledged that organizations need to play a role in making esports more welcoming and less toxic for players who aren’t men. He believes that involves starting from “the beginning.” 

Are they going to do anything about it? Are any of them going to use the millions of dollars of influence to change anything? 

Probably not.

This is stupid, and to me, this says that they don’t want us here. They are trying to push us off into a separate space. Sound familiar? How about every women’s sports league ever? They don’t want to make space for us. They want us to just fuck off, except now they excuse is even weaker. They can’t point to our physical stature (because what else about us matters anyway) and say “that would be unfair, this is too rough for you, you’ll get hurt” 

They aren’t wrong, but they made it that way.  It’s only rough because they don’t want us here. It’s not really anything new. They were already hurting us. They push and shove and hope that we leave because it’s not worth the trouble. 

Sometimes I think that, I’m tried and everything hurts and I just want to rest. But then I remember I have chronic depression and that’s the time I take for a rest and recovery. I think if you don’t want to deal with this, I get it. I’m not really even angry about my own chances about getting in the big leagues so to speak, because quite honestly I’m a terrible shot. 

Quite honestly I just want to see one of us make it. I want to validate my anger and I want to kick these guys in the balls but I think having women on a winning team would do just as well. (no it won’t and I know violence isn’t the answer but still...) 

We’re not asking for special privileges; we’re asking to be treated like people, as equals. Letting us in the door shouldn’t be some special fucking favor.   

The article sums it up quite nicely, 

“For now, though, Overwatch League is still in an awkward spot. Since the very beginning, Blizzard has touted Overwatch as a game of inclusivity and diversity, with a selection of characters that includes everything from multiple women of color to a moon ape. And yet, as Overwatch makes its debut on its biggest stage ever, the pro scene’s most accomplished woman player is nowhere to be found. Instead, there’s only chatter that uncritically echoes the allegedly meritocratic points of view we’ve heard from other esports scenes for years. Yes, women have it harder, players, coaches, and owners admit, but they’ll win out in the end. Just, you know, later.”

I know this was mostly me repeating/reiterating parts of the article, but it was infuriating how true it all was, to hear these men spout useless platitudes. 

Just to spice things up 

So this Mashable article cites Kotaku as well (tbh I just think this guy was looking to put something out there bc he doesn’t really add any insight or any new information, but hey, it agrees with me) 

Here’s another lady that has some thoughts - she seems hopeful, and also more in touch with the professional side of Overwatch. 

I know change takes time, but there was an opportunity to make those changes, instead they were cowards. 

(NEXT UP ON MY ANGER TOPICS: Find more on the media day interview, do more research on the teams, the owners, and staff, and if there are women at all)

*I say “appears” because I don’t know if any of the current players personally, so if they happen to be like a closeted transgendered person, then obviously that counts but like I wouldn’t know it. And of course that doesn’t make them any less of a woman, I’m just not omnipotent. Listen gaming spaces aren’t friendly, I just want people to live their best life. 

[onychaos]

New thoughts on Pangya Celebrity

So. Pangya Celebrity has their sub button and oh boy... OH BOY. Where to begin. I have said before things could happen or they may lose sight of their goal. Like I said before, Pangya Celebrity is running on a private server, so if you are new here, you can think of this as a fan project made with "love"

For my new viewers

Like with any fan projects that use Private servers to host games that got shut down, Money will be needed to keep said server or servers up and running. As an upcoming game dev, I can understand the need to have money to keep a project going and some extra money to pay bills...BUT There is earning money to keep a project up and running for all to enjoy and of course, there is being greedy bastards who want more money than needed. Which I feel this is the path they are on.

You can help pay for the server by 3 ways

Donating

Subscribing to their twitch stream

Giving them Twitch bits

I would say 4 ways but they don't have a big viewer base. The other way would be to watch an ad on stream, assume you don't have any adblocking add-ons when they play a add.

So, you might ask, "What is the problem?" So once they got the Sub button on twitch. things started to go downhill imo.

So the "Brains" Or lack of "GM_Leia" had the GREAT IDEA of raising the cost of cookies. Stupid name, again, If you are new, I will get you up to speed. Cookies are earned in the stream by watching Pangya Celebrity go live.

Cookies are earned for each min you stay in the stream. You earn 1 cookie, per min and that doesn't sound so bad till what the rewards look like before

This is before they got the sub button. It is not that bad of rewards. I think it is fair.

Then we get to the point where they got a sub button.

Again. The "brains" or the leader of the pack is "GM_Leia" She felt that people are earning too many points from each stream. And I would be fine with this change if they stream longer which would justify the change,

Think of cookies as a way for people who want points but can't donate or sub or give bits, Watching the stream is the next best thing but what GM_leia is doing, kinda feels like she is just fucking over the small guys.

And I know or feel that GM_Donmyth just goes along whatever GM_Leia does is pretty damn sad. I get that Leia is your boss DonMyth but there is a point you need to ask yourself, is this right? is this fair?

A lack of communication is an another problem, any change big or small should be told. Tell us the reason why you are changing this or that instead of keeping us in the dark When we have to ask GM_DonMyth. You can argue that we can always ask, but if you change anything and don't tell your players, that's bad.

I know I was talking how they don't stream long enough. So when they, you have to wait for them to set up the stream, play the intro/outro video then got to wait for 30 mins, more or less when talking to chat and then they do the event.

After the event, they will do a VIP where they make a room but end the stream there. I like to call this room, the "Pay to play" And this is where I really feel that DonMyth and Leia SHOULD NOT HAVE Partnership cause it's not getting put to good use.

If anything it gives off the vibe that if you pay / Donate, then you might get more out of Pangya Celebrity which turns me off and I hate that where some fan projects turn from giving to the people to just taking.

But sadly that really does not matter one bit, for the fact that Leia and DonMyth have people who I am sure, have people who donate for VIP or have people who would be happy to sub to their channel in a heartbeat.

Those who sub to their channel will get bonus treats

If you ever plan to do a Pangya giveaway, you would have a better chance of being happy than winning a giveaway, but hey, try anyway. You may win but I doubt it. subscribers or non-subscribers. Your luck is the same either way.

By extra Luck, I would assume they would be more likely to pick you as a subscriber if, that is true and I feel like it is. That is unfair and pure Bull Shit, but they're vague here about that, so I don't know but we may never know.

The only thing I can say that could justify being a Pangya Celebrity Subscriber is the in-game Content, but even that is questionable at times because again, I don't know the whole rules on Private servers and people using work around i.e (Donations and subscribers) to be members.

I find it iffy and shady. But oh well. As long as they have Donations, subscribers. They are going to keep doing what they are doing.

Funny, they were on the bottom but then people came in and helped the stream by watching and following and those donated really helped them out. Them being DonMyth and Leia.

But they are slowing fucking up.

Will they keep doing what they are doing?

Yes, So long as people donate or subscribe to their channel, Pangya Celebrity They don't have a reason to stop.

Are they greedy?

Yes, I feel they lost sight of their goal. Money can corrupt anyone with a weak mind. Assuming Leia had one, to begin with. I just feel that or know when money gets added into a project, most of the time money becomes the main goal. And it's sad.

These are opinions but oh well. My friends or My acquaintances will keep playing Pangya Celebrity and that is fine. They enjoy the game, more or less. But for me, this kinda puts the final nail in the coffin for me.

No matter who or what. When Money, fame, power, of any sort, gets added into the mix, it can ruin things or change things for the worse.

I like Pangya Celebrity, but I am not happy with the current Management as of late. If you read this post then I am sure you can see I am not fond of the changes.

I mean, I will still play Pangya Celebrity with friends or randoms or during a GM event but that's it. I still have fun playing the game, somewhat.

I guess to leave this post with a quote

"You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain"

Thanks for reading~

[mamoruanjou]

god im so exhausted, i have a headache, im feeling every possible form of negative energy and emotion rn, i wanna block 95% of my social media out of stupid angry impulse

and i have insomnia so i cant just sleep this bullshit off

oh and i have work tomorrow PROB WITH THIS FUCKIN TERRIBLE COWORKER AGAIN 

god today was SO BAD between him and this random dude that came in the store

like this random guy ive literally never seen came in the store and started making really weird comments/advances and i was REALLY OBVIOUSLY uncomfortable but he just kept on and i was like Uh///// stop

and then my coworker OH MY GOD my coworker hes the ONLY one there i dont like but to be fair nobody likes him

he is literally the Worst kind of person like he fuckin. doesnt do SHIT but likes to talk down and act like hes in charge

he seriously talks to me like im a fucking idiot and im just Are you fucking kidding me rn

he tried to tell me i wasnt wringing the mop out right and tried to ~show me how to do it right~ like

are you Serious. ive been cleaning as a job since i was 14 years old and even if i wasnt theres no ~right~ way to wring a fucking mop out but here we are

and the funniest thing was i do it that way anyway so like. what the fuck are you trying to prove here

and like. hes about as useful as a wet rag on the register every FUCKING time its like im running the register just. by myself because he spends Maybe 30 minutes all together in an 8 hr shift on the register and the other 7.5 hrs doing god knows what in the cooler

and then tries to criticize ME for ~not being able to multitask~

like i was trying to count down and close my register and he was in the cooler and i had to go get him bc i had a line halfway to california and he seriously tried to tell me that i needed to ~learn how to jump back and forth while hes SUPPOSED to be in the cooler~ like

im. closing my drawer. i cant. run a register that im trying to close and actually when im closing a fucking register ur SUPPOSED to be up here running the other one you fucking

but its not like i can do anything about this guy bc the gm knows hes about useless but nothign can really be done bc we dont have the resources to let him go 

and since im the newest hire, u kno, hierarchy shit, i usually get the short stick and get stuck working with him because literally nobody else wants to share a shift with him lmao

and hes really fucking weird too like he doesnt do it to just me apparently but like. hell stand/walk REALLY uncomfortably close behind me and like. he randomly touch me like. u kno that shit where its like. sneaking up on someone and grabbing their waist to scare them/mess with them? yeah that shit and i told him to knock it off but he still does it

and hes touched my butt before too idk if that was an accident or not but im on like. super guard bc hes Like That hell make really weird like. sexual comments (not directed just in general like there was a guy who came in one time who was fuckin BLAZED and he started talking about how some girls get horny when they smoke weed and im just Uh. dont. i dont want to hear this i dont want to talk about this

and im not about to just out and tell anyone that HEY! im a multiple-time sexual abuse victim so maybe dont fucking touch me or make weird comments around me    it freaks me the FUCK out thanks

[doedipus]

LP D&D: Grand Magistrate Smith

For this session, Max’s brother Torix was invited to audition for the vacant spot in the party. He plays Zerander, goliath purple dragon knight. His horse is named “Frank.” Torix is a bit of a power gamer, but he doesn’t fall into the trap of expecting everyone to have perfectly min-maxed characters or whatever or going off on us for performing sub-optimally in battle, so it hasn’t really caused any problems of that sort thus far. He’s also the token straight guy, with everyone else but us ostensibly being gay dudes. Aside from the one or two times where he said some pretty crass stuff about trans folk, he’s been pretty solid, though, and we haven’t had any incidents since I stated being open about being trans with the group.

He, Max and I are kind of my current non-tabletop gaming group, though usually he’s playing mount & blade in the background while Max and I play Dark Souls or something. I spent a long time without a decent group after my previous one got fed up with me for being a caustic asshole, but I guess the estrogen has mellowed me out enough that I can socialize with people without chiding them over stupid bullshit fucking constantly.

Also, Escrima’s surname is “Smith,” hence the title.

...Anyway, content under the break

The gang rests up at the estate

Constanza learns everything about Amn

Fear of magic

Kingdom-tier

All nobility is capable of owning land

!!!

Succession is deeds-oriented; not being a cool guy gets your title revoked

Coy attempts to train the displacer beasts

She teaches it to “heel”

Lucas continues to make copies of his spellbook

He realizes that he has become ambidextrous after absorbing Eva

Graham receives a letter from the brothel

Connie has that one dream again

She looks up at her parents

There’s fire everywhere

She’s the one “touched”

Her parents pick her up and run out of the fire

A voice: MOTHER KNOWS

Zerander arrives at the gates of Waterdeep, City of splendors

He’s here on a mission from the leader of his order of knights to assist Rockseeker

His token looks like a dark souls character //Specifically, like some hybrid of Hawkeye Gough and Horace the Hushed

He asks a lady where the market is

“Oh my, you’re quite big”

Huehuehue

As a giant, he attracts stares as he wanders towards the market

Zerander goes looking for an armorer

The shop attendant is predictably taken aback

Armor’s gonna cost extra for size

Zerander sells off his old chainmail to offset the cost

Measuring the giant is the armorer’s greatest trial

We’re gonna need a bigger tape!

Zerander asks the attendant about nearby inns

He is pointed towards the “flying badger”

Hey, the inn’s right next to the market!

The building smells of cooked meat

His stomach rumbles, deafening nearby guests

The innkeeper offers him some roasted phoenix, bleu cheese, and brandy

Innkeeper asks what brought him to town. Being a barmaid, she is fairly pretty, and probably hitting on him

Through mouthfuls of flaming poultry, he explains he’s a bodyguard for Rocky

Innkeeper points him towards the office

He asks about a room

It’s gonna cost extra because he’s gonna need extra beds

He attempts to hit on the innkeeper, but she’s not having it

As he enters the room, he bumps his head on the frame

He drops his gear in the chest in the corner and heads for houseseeker

He’s got his axe and shield still

Zerander searches for houseseeker //Rocky’s house. At some point, I started referring to everything Rocky owns as XXXseeker

He gets lost at first, but finds his way eventually

The 3-INT secretary takes his name down and tells him to wait for Rocky

“Can I make an insight check on the couch?”

The couch bears him no ill will

The building is busy as always

Janice floats down the stairs to bring him to Rocky

Zerander reflexively ducks as he enters the office

Rocky and Zerander attempt to shake hands, but the size differential makes it difficult

Rockseeker tells him about his mission

Also about the party

There’s a paladin

Rocky struggles with pronouns //Graham came out to the party in some semi-cannon RP we did after the session where we crashed Lord Heir’s banquet. Supposedly, he was stealth beforehand, but a couple of NPCs apparently knew what was up as soon as they laid eyes on him, which was weird as hell. I guess that’s what happens when a cis dude GMs trans characters, though

Also a wizard

A bureaucrat

A weirdo

Draggo

WELCOME TO ROCKSEEKER!

Rocky leads Zerander towards the estate

A carriage arrives to take the party to the trial

Graham reads the letter

It’s a news letter from Mister Mister

Hey, there’s a peep show

Ooh, coupons

Rent services for a whole year for 300 gp!!!!!!!!!!!

Graham thinks. Oh no!

He remembers Lucas talking about how Esmeralda is a bad influence

Greg considers going to the trial

Lucas convinces him to come along

Connie asks for something to help her sleep better

Apparently Liza and the spirit of fire are back in town with some cargo

Graham wants to check on his retainers before going to the trial

He has Lucas send to them about the death of Osric

They’re in town already

Escrima has been shouting “mother! Mother!” for the last hour

Jeeves gives him something to subdue him

The carriage is luxury 2.1

It says Rockseeker 2 on the side

The gang heads to dockseeker

Liza went to Baldur’s gate

There’s a pair of airships there

The spirit is wanted in Baldur’s Gate. How weird.

Lucas is worth 15kgp for some reason

Liza is pissed we didn’t tell her much of anything

She returned with a shipment of rubies!

Graham goes to talk with his uncle Cedric

He tells him about the banquet incident

And the bad news about Osric’s death

Cedric is worried about succession

Graham realizes that he hasn’t had contact with the family since

Cedric tells Graham that he should’ve attended the funeral and such

Graham encounters toxic masculinity. How fun!

Verona elected to stay on the island

Lucas tries to apologise to Liza, and she forgives him

Liza “saw things”

The duke of Baldur’s gate is into some shady shit

Gnolls everywhere, walking freely

Not even working as waiters or anything

Escrima comes out of his trance

Mother wants him to take the party to Calimport

A woman was shouting in some strange language

Jeeves tells him he’s been sleeping for like a week

“Are there any garments that I should don?”

Amazingly, Escrima assumes that the trial is more important that seeing Lupe

Escrima gets some nice clothes and a hearty meal before leaving for the courthouse

Escrima gets there before the others, and Merrow is confused

They’re late?

You’re a noble, right?

You can be a judge!

What could possibly go wrong?

You’ll judge him, you’ll convict, and we’ll get to watch an execution!

Escrima does some word association to prepare

The rest of the gang heads for the trial, but there’s heavy traffic

The trial marches on

Heir is accused of high treason

Escrima gasps

A copy of Hier’s letter is passed to the judges

Judges may ask questi-

Escrima starts mumbling nonsense about wolves and mouths and meatbags

That’s a very good point, your honor!

He should seek to be more than just a meatbag

Escrima wonders where Hier learned calligraphy

The judge puts forward that the letter was forged!

Mother tells him that the letter was not a forgery

Escrima tells the crowd that it was not a forgery, and Hier is a TRAITOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Rocky and Zerander head to the trial

Hey, they get to see a paladin judge a trial. How cool!

Graham’s gonna be a very interesting judge to watch!

Very cool and collected

They hear Escrima shouting

Rockseeker becomes worried

The defense wants to continue with the forgery line

They call out a sister of the night as a defense witness

It’s sister Mary Anne, who was out getting takeout during the battle, I guess

She says that he’s innocent

Mary Anne says that the plot was all the sisters, and Hier was a patsy

Mother says that Escrima should forgive Hier

Hier is declared innocent and released

The gang arrives at the courthouse

It’s quiet. Weird.

Escrima, Merrow, Rocky, and Zerander are the only people there

Graham wonders what happened to the trial

Everyone chews him out

Lucas tells Escrima off

Coy and Lucas try to leave, but Rocky stops them

Rocky introduces Zerander to the party

Lucas takes 3 damage from the handshake

Zerander inexplicably clocks Graham //😒

Lucas asks Rocky about Baldur’s Gate

Rocky knows the sisters are there and that Lucas is wanted there

He worries that Baldur’s Gate will join the sisters

Lucas makes idle threats to Rocky about Greg’s safety

Rocky introduces Connie

PVP occurs, and Zerander completely believes that she’s what they say she is

Rocky can’t find Coy

He introduces Zerander to High Magistrate Escrima

“Your faces... why do they look so long? Have I done something wrong?”

Pls ask us first next time, dear

Watchu Doin’, Coy?

Coy goes looking for Hier

She asks about where he went

She borrows a horse

Hier’s not in the main hall of the inn

The bartender points her upstairs

She thinks she’s stealthed

Coy steals a ring of room keys from a housekeeper

She searches the private rooms

An alchemist opens the first door

“You’re not what I ordered!”

He slams the door in her face

She tries to listen in through another room

But there’s no answer

She unlocks the door, and finds Zerander’s room

There’s a locked chest! Watchu doin’?

Unlocking the chest, apparently

Dude, there’s a dungeoneer’s pack!

Coy leaves the room and locks everything up

Next room!

“Housekeeping!”

A voice answers, but she doesn’t recognize it

It’s a halfling aristocrat guy

“Sorry, wrong room”

“...could it be the right room? I have money!”

There’s a lot of rooms in here

Behind the door, she hears Hier and someone else hyucking it up

Apparently, there was some kind of setup at the trial

Hier’s paying someone 3kgp

Meanwhile, the gang wonders where Coy went

Rocky suggests she might be doing something rash

Lucas asks about fast travelling to Neverwinter

There’s some portals around, but they’re fairly expensive

The gang considers travelling by air

Connie asks Merrow about appointing a stand-in for meetings

Apparently, people do it a lot. Just leave the masks with whomever

Rocky is optimistic about Escrima’s ruling. This is slightly disconcerting

He mentions Mother by name

Lucas glares at Escrima

Escrima hears Lucas staring at him

We’re in a manga now

Jiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii~

Lucas warns Escrima about Mother

Escrima is “Confundled”

Rockseeker gives his condolences to Connie

Coy murders Lord Hier

She draws Suzie, and leaves stealth

She opens the door to the room with Hier and the Lawyer

BANG! The door swings open wildly

The force of the door causes it to bounce off the wall and swing back in her face

She teleports into the room

Coy tells the lawyer to fuck off if he doesn’t want to die

Battle with Lord Hier the Innocent of Waterdeep

Hier draws his own sword and strikes, clipping Coy’s tail

Coy teleports behind Hier

“Nuthin’ personnel, kid...”

Suzie cuts through his body

Blood soaks the room

Hier tries to flee, but Coy teleports in front of him

She quarters him in a flurry of swings

Blood goes everywhere

Lord Hier of Waterdeep is dead

The cleaning lady she stole the keys from sees this and screams

WATCHU DOIN’, COY THEY’RE COMING!

She jumps out a window

Hey Coy, did you know that you’ve just committed a serious crime and will probably be hanged?

Coy jumps around the outside of the tavern

She fumbles a jump in front of the tavern, and lands on her face

Coy runs to the stable. The party is loitering there

Coy demands that Connie disguise her

She cleans the blood off, but that’s the best she could do

Lucas casts invisibility on Coy, who doesn’t stop talking

The gang heads off to the estate

Greg is discussing matters with some nobles

Hey Lucas, how’d the trial go?

Escrima failed us

Greg reminds Lucas that Escrima saved his life several times

Lords Valria and Haliam introduce themselves

They’re talking about organizing a campaign through the southeast

It’s gonna be a month or two before they can start

Greg wants to stay in Waterdeep to oversee the march on Beydale

Coy gives Connie the dagger of breakfast watching //Another magic item. When someone holds it, they see a brief vision of the future. the first couple of times the party used it, the vision included breakfast, hence the name.

She holds it by the blade

There’s a dank corridor

The casters are fighting

Graham charges at a monster

There’s some eggs benedict in the corner

The architecture is distinctly dwarven

Connie grabs the knife

She sees a city surrounded by steam

There’s a hangar being built

Lucas is there, but older

Graham is there, but different

Ooh, an omelette

Gee, that was weird.

A note from Rocky arrives, saying that Hier was murdered, and if they need horses to go looking for him.

No leads on the suspect, somehow

How convenient!

Zerander picks up his armor

Lucas copies spells, and Greg keeps him company

Connie visits the tower of magi

On the way there, the carriage stops in an alley

There’s a person there. She identifies herself as being sister Lake //The cult Connie allegedly belongs to is supposed to basically be the church of scientology. Sister Lake is her auditor.

Lake wants her to return to the monastery

Connie assures her that she’ll be back soon, and will definitely pay her dues

Connie hires a mage with sending to help with the sessions she’ll miss

Connie gives greg the mask, and instructs him to have Mario the sending mage contact her with information

“Aren’t there like, vampires around here or something?”

Lucas messages Rocky about the vampire problem

There’s a letter from Viper

...but Jake had moving stuff to do, so we’ll never know what it said

Escrima talks about how he trained Lupe during the week

She knows to attack gnolls now, which is cool

They could probably ride her now

Let’s go to Casa de Lupe

Zerander hears some screeches from the hangar

Frank freaks out, but Zerander calms him down

Connie tells Escrima to open the bay doors

Zerander sees the wyvern, and pulls out his longsword

“What is that?!?!?!?!”

“We caught her”

Lupe cautiously approaches Zerander

Zerander offers to “fix” Lupe

Oh! You know how to spay a wyvern?

River crossing puzzle! //Idk if it’s come up yet, but being a large party, we tend to have trouble figuring out how to transport people effectively using the items we have. obviously we could just use horses, but this is dungeons and fucking dragons! If we can fly, we’re going to god damn fly!

Lucas on broom //Magic item. It’s a flying broom. Its carry weight is pretty low, so only the lighter characters can really make use of it, but it’s amazing anyway.

Escrima on Lupe

Connie on Broom

Zerander on Lupe

Coy on the fly

Graham on the fly

Lupe launches out of the hangar, and the party takes to the skies with her

END