#i will forever be entrapped by the concept of this show though

[pidges-lost-robot]

I’m not a “everything before season 7 was good” voltron fan, or a “everything before the lion swap was good” fan or a “at least a handful of voltron episodes were good and moving pieces of television” fan

I’m a secret other thing (All of Voltron was bad. No seriously, I recently watched the whole thing and like I’m not even that competent of a writer and even I could tell that every single episode of voltron is either atrociously bad, insulting, or like a good concept that is handled barely competently. Like, if you want to preserve the idea in your head that any episode of voltron was good, only watch Day Forty Seven or Clear Day and skip the plot relevant parts cause that’s it. And before anybody pipes up with ‘The Black Paladins’ was good or ‘the episode where Pidge found her brother was good’ or ‘the first episode was good’, i’m sorry, you’re wrong, it was just the good animation from when they focused the budget on it [on another funny note, if you do watch the whole thing, a great drinking game would be drink every time they do the voltron transformation or that bit where they clearly ran out of animation budget and have a montage if still images slightly zooming in and out of to dramatic music, you will be pissed by the end.] They aren’t good, they really aren’t. Every single episode I watched, I said outloud to the friend I watched it with ‘yeah I think despite remembering this as bad, I still remember it being better written than this’. I will forever have beef with my best friend and Overly Sarcastic Productions for ever recommending this as having good world building.)

[magaprima]

So I’ve added those three other verses I was talking about to my verse page (my main page, not my mobile one. I’ve still to add them there).

They are 

1.  Taken A verse where, discovering Lilith has had the baby, Lucifer takes them both to Hell with the intent of using Lilith as mere attendant and nurse to the child until he’s old enough to survive without her. Intending to still punish her for her betrayal, Lucifer only permits her near her son for changing and feeding, otherwise keeping them separate and having guards watching Lilith at all times. Determined to both survive and free herself and her son, she begins plotting once again, though the agony of being kept from her begins to increase to the point of distraction...just as Lucifer intended. Meanwhile, Hilda, having found Lilith’s room empty is immediately concerned, knowing that the woman had no intention of going to Hell or of letting the Dark Lord take her son. Realising something must have happened and feeling both attached to and responsible for both mother and son, Hilda, Zelda and Mambo Marie have Sabrina take them to Hell with the intent of finding Lilith and Adam and challenging Lucifer directly if they must. Believing no one would save she and Adam but Lilith herself, she is shocked to see the arrival of the Spellmans and Marie. They declare that Adam was born under Hecate’s blessing and therefore has a dual citizenship as much as Sabrina does, and nor is the Goddess going to let him keep one of her witches against her will either, especially one that has been under her protection since her son’s birth. Lucifer reluctantly concedes but gives Lilith a choice; either she chooses Hecate and leaves Pandemonium with Adam, accepting that neither she or her son will ever have the throne of Hell, or remain with Lucifer in the knowledge that one day Adam will rule the realm.

2.  Mother of the Morningstar AU in which Caliban never casts the acceleration spell and Lilith has a natural, slow pregnancy. A verse particularly useful for muses that have a medical/midwife/healer role, but also good for any plots/threads for muses bonding with or irritating one another throughout the pregnancy. Open to crossovers and AUs, but below is a CAOS based outline. In this verse Sabrina S does not die. In this verse, Lilith remains in Hell primarily at first, biding her time and plotting against Lucifer while his child grows inside her, until the events of the colliding Cosmos draws everyone to the Academy, at which point Lilith is beginning to show, certainly enough for two experienced midwives to notice, and, away from the spying eyes of Lucifer, Lilith asks for their help. It is granted and Lilith begins making journeys to the mortal realm on a regular basis and, through pure chance, or perhaps Hecate’s intervention, ends up arriving just as the Spellmans are about to drag Sabrina’s soul back from the Void. She unknowingly interrupts them long enough for Sabrina to complete her entrapment of the Terror and Sabrina is brought back without the Void inside her. The secret of Spellman’s soul being housed in Morningstar’s body combined with Lilith’s encroaching due date means she begins spending more of her time at the Academy under the protection of the Order of Hecate. And as she finds herself not only bonding with the child growing inside her but the coven around her as well, Lilith’s plans begin to shift and alter, as she starts to wonder if she and her son might find their home with the Goddess of Witches instead

3.  Aradia Morningstar AU where Baby Adam turns out to be a girl. Though Lilith had cast a spell the night of the conception to ensure she had a son, as she gives birth in the Academy several months too early, Hilda hands to her not a baby boy, but a baby girl. Though loving her daughter instantly, Lilith can’t help but feel immediate dread and fear too; so much of her plans had been based on a son. The court of Hell would be less inclined to challenge a boy and Lucifer would be less inclined to think of her child, and by extension Lilith herself, as expendable. A daughter changed all that. He already had a daughter. After the Plague Kings arrival, and the coven’s subsequent defeat of them, Lilith explains the entirety of the story to Hilda and Zelda, and of why Aradia’s identity and birth needed to be hidden from the Dark Lord. Offering Lilith and her daughter sanctuary not only keeps them safe but allows Lilith time to plan further. But when the Dark Lord arrives due to the collision of the realms, Lilith is forced further into hiding. Glamouring herself and her child as simply a nondescript member of the coven and her babe, the pair hide in plain sight. It works, but mother and daughter can’t hide forever, and with her child’s claim to the throne no longer as simple as she thought it would be, Lilith has to come up with a new plan...or change her goals entirely. Does she fight for Hell and the throne or does she stay with the coven? Does she hide Aradia away on the run or does she confront the Dark Lord with the truth?

[womenhoodlooniness]

Mean Girls: Private School Edition

During the infamous quarantined lockdown of March 2020, not only did my procrastination habits worsened due to me having to lose all sense of time but it made me reflect amidst all the silence.

This might sound selfishly cliche but if it was not for the whole world shut down, I would have not been able to come to terms relating to my self-worth.

Let's time travel back to my high school days: 2015-2019.

Yes, I'm getting old.

So I went to an all-girls, private high school in Burbank, IL. At first, I thought I was going to hate it. All of my other friends were going to public schools within the Chicagoland area and here I am, the only person going to a school that nobody has ever even heard of.

As if looking like the most big-headed whitest chick at my school didn't make me feel like an outcast enough.

To be blunt, it did make me feel uncool. But I understood my parents wanted me to have a good education that was not at a sleazy neighborhood school.

Even if it did mean taking my voice out of it completely.

Long story short, I ended up liking the school. It felt like a crackhouse made for girls. Meaning, it really was a place for us girls to wind down, get comfortable, and not having to worry about any boys. It was a place of femme empowerment but also endearing chaos.

However, there is always a price to everything beloved.

Last year, when the peaks of quarantined lockdown were at an all-time high, I allowed myself to do a lot of retrospect thinking.

A lot of this thinking was rooted in how my experiences at the private high school were actually fueled by naiveness and all things non-endearing. This retrospect made me question a current friendship I was undergoing at the time in quarantine, questioning if it was really meant to be.

I was friends with two girls at the time. Let's call them X and Z. Mostly because it sounds cool.

I was friends with X for the longest. We remained friends even after the private high school shut down and had to part ways during our sophomore-junior year. I thought she was cool. We had similar music tastes, taught me things I did not know and just overall looked at her as a big sister. Mind you, I was too naive to even think of the other side of our friendship.

Z was a mutual friend that was also close friends with X. I found her cool as she did with me, but she and X were more considered as each other's best friend than all of three of us combined.

But there's a twist to it all: Z actually used to be my bully in freshman year of high school. To put it short, she bullied me because she thought I was "weird" even though I never even tried to talk to her. She would always have a way to tease and make fun of me.

At first, I would try and laugh along but after a while, it started to feel forced because it would barely hit me at times that she could not stand me. Like all bullies, she had the tendency to feel above me since apparently I was seen as a target: The weird, quiet girl.

Who would have thought?

On top of that, X would actually laugh at the "jokes" Z would use against me! Yeah, the same girl I was friends with the longest...go ahead, call me stupid now.

I even brought it up to X at a later time and her response?

"That was just my humor at the time."

Ah yes, creepily looking at my old Facebook profile pictures and laughing at them is DEFINITELY the humor to have. Even after that sketchy comment I still was friends with her for about another year or so. I would rant about her behavior more but I'll just save that for another post...

Anyways, sometimes it would feel weird to even be offended by Z's "jokes" because not only I had one but two mean girls entrapping me. I feel like I had no other choice BUT to feel okay with it. There would be times where confrontation was needed, but the attention was very intimidating to me.

The private school was such a small school so anything that goes would flow smoothly from one period to the next. The drama did spread like wildfire at that forsaken palace of gossip.

Overall with there not being a confronting witness, it really felt hard to get the motivation to stand up for myself. If anything, it helped fasten the depreciation of my self-worth. All because there was nobody to give me a smack of reality to tell me that I should not let that slide.

Also because of the naiveness that came with not realizing the meanness of those comments and the reason why they hurt.

It's even frustrating to also think back about how it would have been best for myself to be the doormat I was, no matter how weird and uncomfortable it got. I say this because Z was SO liked back in that high school. Every girl thought she was funny and cool; she was definitely on the popular scale.

So if I had brought the issue up to the school, then perhaps most definitely they would have looked into it as it did intrigue some feelings of "unsafeness" in me. Now that I think about it, I mean this with seriousness.

I say this because one time, Z called me a bitch because I would not let her copy my homework for the 5th time. And that's just one of many examples.

But as for the students? That would of most likely been the messiest. Especially since Z literally had the popular benefit of being listened to and influencing others.

From that, I should ask, who would have the most sympathy:

the preyed underdog or the praised show dog?

Fast forward to March 2020 where I was questioning the genuinity of everything to the point where I felt like it was best to not associate myself with those two girls again. For the sake of saving myself some pressure and self-depreciation.

I must admit, I mostly wanted to back up because of X's current behavior at the time instead. So this post is most likely going to be considered as a first-half as it does display a "blast from the past" theme. While the second post would be presenting more so recent events. Nevertheless, both posts are still relevantly intertwined as they are important in strengthening my points.

Also, I can not keep typing forever.

Overall, I wanted to bring some of my traumatic past up because not only it presents an aspect of internalized misogyny (again) but also portrays something bigger.

You see, I started to feel at ease at the private school because I felt like I had all the supportive relations I could have with my femme peers. In retrospect, that was lacking to a very large degree.

I did not realize it until I was in college as I gained more maturity and knowledge when dealing with other (girl) friends that were so much different than the ones I numbed myself to.

I had been exposed to a kind of respect that I never thought I would have experienced. It felt so fucking surreal. And because of that, it leads me to compare for the better and for the worse.

It helped paved the way for me to grow.

But the fact I even thought that I would have not had the same respect as Z, no matter how much I cried out of injustice, is what concerns me. How could I think that private school was so beloved with femme love when there was a huge possibility of numerous girls going against me, all because I was not on the popular spectrum?

Perhaps I am wrong. Maybe there is an alternative timeline out there involving myself getting justice served and respect granted. Despite the judgment that is forced upon me.

But this is why concepts such as internalized misogyny and girl-girl bullying need to be brought up more. All because it can plague ourselves in which can rapidly plague entire environments within spaces that are meant to bring support from one girl to another.

Also, yes, we can forgive them because most likely these bullies are going through something too in which can cause them to act aggressively to us - based off of jealousy or attention, whatever can be interpreted the best.

I actually forgive Z because I had learned that she was going through a rough time during freshman year which at times does make me speculate if her actions were based on jealousy..but let's not be bitchy narcs here.

Even with that, it still does not allow for me to succumb to being seen as some fucking fool to her. It does not favor her to make me feel like a doormat. And it definitely should not be permitted for me to feel like shit because I had no choice but to do so.

Where is the self-worth in all this? Because I need it just as much as she does.

We need to prevent further harm so we won't hurt others and most importantly, ourselves.

[astrology-with-charu]

May 2020 - A Preview of 2021

======================

So this April would not quit - quiet like these non stop school zoom sessions. Goodbye goodbye already! This Laurel & Hardy goodbye clip sums it up for me

https://youtu.be/wlVu7Y5m5JQ

It’s leaving us with Uranus in Taurus meeting Mercury. Uranus in Taurus was also key aspect embedded in the Taurus new moon of 22 April which we will continue to feel in May. Uranus in Taurus is all about breaking out of the fixity of life - actions taken for freedom & individuality, a break from tradition, a break far from tradition. Uranus creates volatility & surprise - bring sudden changes - changes that bring us closer to our authentic self. Uranus is our brilliance - the lightening that zaps us & sets us free as well as gives us the brilliant brainwave.

But inherently Uranus in Taurus has a conflict - Taurus archetype in our chart represents our place of safety, security, stability, fixity, tradition, persistence, stubbornness. Yes it’s a textbook sign of “fall” for Uranus - “fall” the word I despise so much in astrology - cause there is no fall just a failure to leverage it well. Uranus in Taurus is here to bring innovation in all the things this archetype represents - Finance, money, assets, ways of making money, ways of using our natural resources, arts, music, creativity, sex, food, taste, our physical strength & stamina, stock market, earth. At an individual basis basis we would strive for independence & innovation and experience sudden shifts in our financial situation, attitude to money & resources, need for material security, sense of worth, values, usage of our resources - mental physical - our personal energy, sexual freedom.

Taurus gifts us determination & this fixity of purpose and in Uranus we can use that to complete change our worth, ego, values, assets & ways to achieve them or release them. This is long term transit all the way to April 2026. Why we are talking of this now is because this April just won’t quit without another dramatic aspect.

Every month Moon meets Uranus in Taurus - whenever that happens a wave of water chips away an edge off our rock - slight loss of old behavioural pattern happens opening us to new possibilities. But once a year Uranus meets Sun, Venus & Mercury in Taurus when a tangible shift which is outer manifestation of this slow monthly inner chipping away shows up in our physical existence - through shifts in job, relationships, communication. This aides this quest for material freedom we are all on - an idea suddenly comes, a discussion suddenly happens, an old device suddenly cracks cause it’s outdated for your new expansive endeavour - you ask for more & more is delivered through a crack in the floor beneath our feet. Not all of us experience the earthquake but if you are at 6° or early degree of fixed signs (Scorpio, Leo, Taurus, Aquarius) you are probably experiencing a shock wave - that’s last ten days of the month if you are looking at your sun sign.

Separating wheat from the chaff as unnecessary this additional restlessness & commotion feels to all of us, it’s the most significant economic event that happens to most of us in the year. Shakes up our talents, resources, stock market, body - it feels like beating the mattress to get the dust out kind of situation. But then from that comes a brainwave when Mercury meets Uranus like tonight - weird bazarre ahead of time , alien landing on our rooftop kind of ideas come. You see those AI beams running on your face into your brain - it just lights all your bulbs. Many of us dismiss it but what if we don’t - if someone told Abraham Lincoln you would be tweeting shutting down your economy or a bunch of algos will loose or gain majority of financial markets in a day - you would have been institutionalised but here we are.

The thing with “fall” of Uranus In Taurus is that you fall cause you aren’t walking - much like the concept of inertia - proactive shifts planning in that area of our life can help prevent a lot of that fall. Though Uranus is a wild card much like existence of Kim Jong-un.

So if you want to take one thing from April, which won’t quit, take this dogged determination to shift things in this area of your life where Uranus is chipping away your rock

“We only discover what supports us, when everything else we thought supported us doesn’t support is anymore” ~ Jung

Jung saw this moment like he saw most of the universal truths - this has become my mantra for Taurus season now instead of “I Have” cause Uranus transit changes the whole existence of that sign forever - Aries know what I am talking about. Taurus is our ego, our distinct identity & if we are labelling our sense of “I” through any external object / status / person - Uranus releases that cause it wants us to create “Independent Worth”

The degree of Uranus currently being activated is of immense importance - why - cause that’s where Uranus went retrograde in August 2019. Remember 2019 - Hong Kong protests, Amazon fires, Epstein died, Peso crashed, India floods, Nuclear accident in Russia, India revoked Article 370 ... I can go on but you get the picture - volatile times. Second contact of Uranus isn’t that dramatic - especially in transit (it’s not turn retrograde or direct right now).

But it will be standing still exactly where it stands now in Jan/Feb 2021. Uranus will turn direct on 1 Feb 2021 standing exactly at this point and it would be squaring Saturn starting a new 14 years cycle which is the key theme of 2021. Infant in Jan 2021 there will be 5 planets, yes 5! Squaring Uranus in Taurus which is a recipe for perfect political & weather storm. This is tremendous tremendous conflict - I referred to it in my eclipse note cause this is in direct interaction with the US country chart. Uranus in such aspects normally stimulates the collective to revolt through a catalyst to create radical change in existing bureaucracy, to free those suppressed or held in bondage. There is normally a rude collective awakening - in Taurus it will have financial underpinnings too - people no longer acquiesce to entrapment of our current financial system where resources are manipulated by a few. Higher manifestation of it is stimulation of new discoveries & tech that supports people to function in a new way.

Harnessed correctly Saturn Uranus cycles help us manifest our creative & inventive ideas into substantial achievements cause we are given the discipline to bring our intuition home. Give form or structure to our uniqueness in a productive way like Rihanna or Barbara Streisand do - we can harness our inner tension into a passion. There is tremendous tension in this aspect but it’s an endless source of spontaneous energy, creativity & freshness but you can use it or misuse it. George Eliot & Thomas Hardy are Saturn square Uranus as are Putin & Harvey Weinstein - I mean you get my drift.

So in May we don’t need to look at a oracle to see future of 2021 - it will be playing out in front of us - the preview of what’s coming in 2021. The innovation in field of finance, money, food, art, creatives , our value system. As well as our need for freedom from tradition & fixity (Uranus in Taurus) clashing with suppression of air in Saturn in Aquarius. All tangible strides in evolution of our civilisation has come through Saturn Uranus cycles and you are watching a live preview of that as Saturn stands still about to go retrograde on 11th standing in loose square to Uranus right now & playing out through their aspects to Sun, Mercury & Venus.

In this tension, these two parts of us at war - the people who will create solutions blending the best of the old world with the best of the new will thrive. That’s why with nodes in mutable sign - the road to success is adaptability - as always it’s not the survival of the fittest but of the one who can evolve. New skills, sources of income, diet, physical upkeep, new concept of “fixed” assets - Uranus in Taurus & by square to Saturn in Aquarius - necessary compulsory evolution in tech, social media, tech in your industry, new way to network, new supply chains, pooling resources - “shared/preloved” economy.

Importance of cyber security will go immensely up - the first computer virus was uncovered during the last Saturn Uranus conjunction in 1988 - the Internet worm. Things that were birthed in the cycle will come to question like the EU / Euro. WHO also came to focus at the time with eradication of polio. NASA Scientists testified first time to US Senate that man made global warming has begun. Abortion drugs were launched & it was opposed though inline with ideology of sexual freedom it was launched. Topic of gun control which never went away since the unfortunate Columbine High School Massacre in 1999 during Saturn Uranus square will take on more speed. Topics essentially that are clearly dividing forces in society will play out & those who can mesh the two conflicting forces win 2021.

Right now with the preview - I am warning you people in 40s having both your Uranus opposition & your Saturn oppositions - they are getting triggered by both Saturn & Uranus. In large scale despite the economic crisis or may be due to it - we would see dramatic shifts in careers / home / relationships.

Uranus in Scorpio generation is getting their Uranus opposition if you are 1975/76 born to be exact - Saturn & Mars in Aquarius are making T-Square to your Uranus opposition pushing you to make a structural shift. Saturn being the apex you know what change you have to make but you are evaluating the cost of it all - is it worth it ? Taurus season is best to figure it out - cause this aspect will on,y become stronger in Jan/Feb 2021.

The 1976/77 born are having their Saturn opposition forming t square to Uranus - so wherever Taurus falls in your chart - you are ready to break free - this is much more dynamic & dramatic though it’s not exact yet, it will be in 2021.

In my view, during the transit of Saturn in Aquarius as a society we create what we can hold onto in face of volatility - we are all just starting to create that now. And we have to develop a purpose which permits our wacky innovative unique ways to be a participant in a larger expression - else we will feel lost like any Saturn in 11th house or Saturn in Aquarius person.

On a lighter note in May we have a few fabulous days like 9/10/15/17 May when Sun and Mercury form a positive aspect with Jupiter & Pluto - a gift of growth and focus in volatile times - I’ll take it! Good dates for ideas, negotiations & financial ventures.

In part 2 of this post I will cover May 2020 by sign.

[mutantsrisingrpg]

Congratulations MIA! You’ve been accepted as HYDRA.

Mia, let me just say WOW. Reading your app for Hydra left me speechless in the best way possible. The depth you gave to Nana was showed just how many layers there are to someone with the ability to control knowledge. “Nana is the Oracle of Delphi creating self-fulfilling prophecies that heroes try in vain to avoid, only to fall prey to them because of the knowledge Nana whispered in their ears.” I mean, do I need to say more after this sentence? I think I speak for all of us when I say we can’t wait to have them on the dash! 

Welcome to Mutants Rising! Please read the checklist and submit your account within 24 hours.

NAME/ALIAS: Mia

PRONOUNS: she/her

AGE: 21

TIMEZONE & ACTIVITY LEVEL: PST. I’m currently finishing up my semester so will be busy for the next week, but I couldn’t resist applying. After the week is through I will be much more free since I will be on break, but once next semester starts, I’d put my activity at a 7. I am taking a full load of classes and will be likewise working, but have time in the mornings and evenings for replies

In Character Information:

DESIRED ROLE: Hydra

GENDER/PRONOUNS: genderfluid, they/them or she/her

DETAILS & ANALYSIS: Siddhartha Guatama was a prince, he lived in a palace with peacocks, and he had only been exposed to that which was beautiful and wholesome. That was the reality he lived in and the reality he believed in. One day he left and looked upon a dying woman, and with that one small piece of knowledge his entire reality was shattered. Neve used to have a family in Benjamin, then she glanced at a manila folder and learned more and thus her former reality was forever gone. In this way, reality is constructed, it is fabricated, and it is impermanent. Every person constructs their own reality, but these realities are fragile creations and sometimes the smallest piece of information can fundamentally reshape them. Nana is that piece of information, the one which changes everything. They are not god, they do not create truth (if there even is such a thing), rather, they create cages and distractions that people trap themselves in. Nana is the Oracle of Delphi creating self-fulfilling prophecies that heroes try in vain to avoid, only to fall prey to them because of the knowledge Nana whispered in their ears. Nana is not immune to their own words though. While their mutation may not be involved, their preconceived notions trap them in their own constructed reality.

Nana understands the fragility of an individual’s sense of reality, the strings that are woven together to create it, and the threads that need to be pulled to unwind it. To them, knowledge is not stagnant, it is a forever moving a shifting field which they to some extent can control. There is no such thing as a fact on a page, merely one person’s opinion that may be changed if new or different information is presented.

Beyond their ability, to me, Nana used to be a creature of ambition who had nothing to lose, but this has started to change. They joined the King’s Collective out a combination of desire and necessity, and was willing to risk almost anything to make themselves non-disposable. Winning and competition was already ingrained in them, and their insecurities belayed into confidence and pride the longer they moved away from their parents. This drive pushed them into the high ranks of the King’s Collective. While in many ways they are still this creature, Neve is the pieces of information slowly changing Nana’s worldview. They have a family in Neve, they have a something still unspeakable in Ilie, and they have position. Once upon a time the idea of having a true family and other close bonds was beyond the realm of conception, but now it is within grasp and Nana will be hard pressed to give it up even if it means sacrificing things they would have previously deemed more important.

BIO: (TW: Emotional Abuse)

Nana grew up in an apartment full of ghosts. The items left scattered around the three rooms that made up their home indicated other people lived with Nana––a tube of wine red lipstick standing at attention near the bathroom sink, a pair of tattered shoes far too large for a small child like them––but there were no warm bodies willing to be hugged. Nana wasn’t an orphan, Nana had seen two adults walking in and out of the small apartment, but at the same time the two people who lived with them were hardly their parents. The woman had birthed them, the man would bring food for them, but neither was a parent. Rather, the two of them were systems of measurement through which Nana could understand their progress in life. They were echoes of fully realized people who critiqued and criticized.

The ghosts in Nana’s home were not simply restless spirts looking for a little amusement before moving on to the beyond, but instead were vengeful, erratic, and loud specters that would howl and shriek one night and be silent for weeks as if to say you are not even worth haunting. Then the two would materialize again and speak to Nana briefly, letting them know what they thought of Nana’s progress, before fading back into spirits which Nana could only faintly make out when looking closely. The ghosts didn’t need to touch Nana for them to feel the ghost’s hands around their neck and in their head, tugging at their hair all while whispering demands for perfection in their ear.

In its own twisted way this relationship dynamic somehow made sense to Nana because in the same way those two adults were not parents, Nana was not a child. Nana was a legacy. By this logic it made sense that Nana was not treated like their classmates––as something precious to be coddled and cared for––because their classmates were just kids. While Nana reasoned that legacies and children were not so dissimilar, as both had to be nurtured and cultivated, the way success was measured was vastly different. A legacy must succeed at all things to be considered a worthwhile endeavor: they must be always be the best, they must never be frightened by trivial things, and affection was granted only as a fleeting reward. On the other hand, children had high and low-points, they were hugged when they were scared, and they were loved unconditionally. Children were allowed to fail, but legacies were not. Children were raised to be cherished; Nana was raised to be admired.

Admired they were. Much like a swan swimming, all people saw was the graceful glide of a beautiful child who exceed in all they tried. They seldom saw the work, the agony, that Nana put themself through to present such an image of ease, of simple elegance. Success was met with fleeting affection by their parents––a small smile or a light shoulder pat––but it would leave Nana glowing for days. Failure would leave them verbally thrashed, followed by long periods of silence where their parents completely ignored them, isolating them. During these enforced interludes of solitude, Nana would pour over texts, comparing different accounts of the same battle to see the discrepancies between them all while laughing as both claimed to be the sole authority on what happened. Likewise, their mother’s old Buddhist texts brought over when she moved from Japan became a source of fascination. They sparked ideas of fabrication, impermanence, and constructed realities.

Nana has never been a flashy person, rather one who projected smooth dignity and grace, and it was not surprising that their ability would mirror this. There were no sparks, no loud claps of thunder, no tremors echoing through the earth when they discovered it. No, there was just a tone of conviction carried on steady words leaving no room for doubt. I was in class today, how could you forget? These were not words of honey; they were words of steel. They did not seduce or charm, they described and informed. The teacher nodded, fully convinced. Nana smiled politely and excused themselves, a new trick added to a rapidly expanding repertoire.

During the evenings they would leave the house, sneaking out of the window with the assurance their parents never checked on them in the night. They went into the streets, seeking out the type of knowledge that only the cover of night provides access to. It was on such a night they first observed the King’s Collective. Almost immediately they were entranced by the group of individuals that to them looked like freedom. No walls that entrapped or silence which suffocated. It took little time before they approached the group, meek only in comparison to who they are now. They joined shortly afterwards.

With a taste of life away from their household, things rapidly deteriorated within the family. The King’s Collective made Nana daring and defiant. Their accomplishments grew beyond just being something for their parents, but rather a creature of their own making. With this change resentment started to burn bright in their ribs, heart hardening in anger rather than fear at their mother and father’s harsh words. For once when screamed words echoed like a bell inside their head, they screamed back, escalating the situation into previously unexplored heights. Like knives the words were snarled out, poison lacing each one: I was never your daughter, you don’t even know me. They were meant symbolically, to illustrate a point, but they became oh so literal when their mother looked at them and asked who Nana was.

In that moment, it amazed Nana how much a person can both love and hate someone. How long had they longed to be free of their parents and yet, now that they effectively were, it felt like they couldn’t breathe. They were about the take it back, to reinsert the information they stole back into their parents’ heads, but Nana couldn’t. They didn’t know what they had erased, they didn’t know how their parents had looked at them, all they would be able to create was a upside down projection of a past that they might have imagined up. Some information was too unique and too individual to ever truly know. In a moment they had taken everything and created nothing out of it with no form of recourse.

The King’s Collective became a home of sorts, a shambled together support system if nothing else. It helped Nana go to University of Chicago and study law. This was not out of pure altruism, but rather it increased her use within the King’s Collective. For them, knowledge was power and thus the more they could acquire the more use they could be. They were a tool to be used: first as a symbol of success for their family, and now as a weapon in the King’s Collective. Once they would have been angry about this, now though, they were resigned. Love and care had always been transactional and the only way to receive it was to make yourself worth receiving it. This was Nana’s reality. With this mindset they crafted themself into the perfect weapon, eyes alert and undistracted.

EXPANDED CONNECTIONS:

Neve Kaplan: Neve is the original wrench in Nana’s plans. While Nana is fully disillusioned with the idea of unconditional love, Neve provides it in the form of a familial bond, something they have never truly had. This is likely beginning to alter Nana’s rather cynical world view, but habit is a difficult thing to unlearn. Nana’s sister is, in many ways, the thing they hope to protect the most in the world. Perhaps it makes them weak and perhaps their normally impeccable logic becomes flawed, but they do not care. Learning of Benjamin’s history with Neve was only distressing to Nana because of the obvious pain and hurt it brought Neve. For a second, Nana almost wanted to take it away; they wanted to strike Neve’s newfound knowledge from her mind and let things continue as they were, but love had made them weak. Nana loved too hard and too much to be selfish in this moment. They listened to Neve’s plans, heart palpitating with each word. Her plans would destroy the fragile life that Nana had built for themself, and yet they could not bring themself to do anything about it. Instead they took a step back, refusing to directly involve themselves for the moment in favor of playing the large shadow looming behind Neve, ready to strike vengeance upon those who would dare hurt her.

They would destroy Benjamin if need be to protect their sister––the consequences be damned. That type of passion is born of love, something Nana has received a desperately small amount of in their life, and it terrifies them. At the same time though, they refuse to let it go, choosing instead to be willing to sacrifice what they once thought so important in favor of their sister.

Ilie Lacey: Ilie was a subconscious indulgence that desperately burned them if they thought about it too much. Ilie was a mistake, of this there was no doubt, but Ilie was a mistake that Nana may make again and again just to feel something for somebody else. Ilie invades their mind regularly, slipping through the cracks of carefully constructed walls Nana prided themselves on. It wasn’t love, it couldn’t be, but that hope of maybe it could be one day was enough to both make Nana want to never speak of it again and to desperately want a repeat performance. Never one to be weak to whims, they could tend towards the former opinion, carefully moving forward as if nothing had happened.

Abigail Imani: The two had a contentious relationship since their first meeting. Nana was already young, desperate to prove themselves in any way, and had a competitive streak a mile wide. This made them incredibly prickly towards anything that could be perceived as competition and Abigail was competition. Part of them felt a thrill at the challenge, there were few people who could go toe-to-toe with Nana, but another part felt threatened. It was rare somebody could challenge Nana, and for somebody trying to assert themself for the first time it was difficult to face. Now that Nana had effectively won, this need to champion has settled somewhat, but Abigail has a way of reminding Nana of youthful insecurities better left in the past.

ANYTHING ELSE: Nothing

[sorcererinthestars]

u know im always gonna send you a prompt when you ask for them love haha. how about some supernatural au mavin? Michael needs some ingredients from the Fae world. good thing he has his own personal Fae to lead him through it. Michael though knows how to listen to the rules of the fae and keep himself out of trouble. though he still manages to attract a lot of attention just by being a human in the Fae world. And making his boi feel far more protective than he thought the Fae ever could feel

Uhm…. I like the world of the Fae a lot more than I thought. This description is based on fantasy stories I’ve read and legends I’ve had the privledge to be told while I lived in the world that still believes in the Fae (England, Scotland, and Ireland). I ate them up like candy, I’m obsessed, and they colored this image quite a lot. So some of this is based in “fact”, if you can call the whispers of an old man on a rocking chair “fact”. 

WC: 1588

——————-

The world felt colder here. That was the first thing that Michael always noticed when he passed through the portal to the other side. It didn’t feel dead, no. Dead was the wrong world, for the world of the Fae was always bursting with color and life. But the life seemed /wrong/, twisted somehow, unnaturally merged with magic that kept it in a state of tortured bloom for far, far longer than any natural thing should exist.

Gavin always seemed different in the world of the Fae, too. He sparkled a bit too much. His teeth were just a bit too sharp. His eyes glowed a bit too much with a wicked sort of mirth. A look Michael would find incredibly amusing and appealing in His world is now terrifying. Everything in this world is terrifying and unnatural. It’s not for Him. He shouldn’t be Here.

But he is, because there are ingredients he needs to fetch. If they needed invisibility potions for their next heist, he had to harvest some of the lily blossoms that grew only near a specific spring in the world of the Fae. Gavin Owned him, at least in the Fae concept of ownership, and so Michael knew he was safe. Theoretically. Time seemed to drag like it wanted to keep him here and the fruits, hanging large and appetizing down on the trees would spell his death.

There were a lot of hidden dangers in the Fae world. Things that watched when you weren’t looking. That whispered sweet promises in your ears on the dancing wind. Michael knew this and didn’t listen. He never once let go of his Fae’s hand, knowing Gavin would protect him.

But there were things in the Fae world that even Gavin would get swept up in, calls to his base nature that were extremely difficult for him to avoid. The Dance was one. The Fae loved to frolic and make music. Their dance happened every night on the Fae full moon - and every night on the full moon was the correct phrase, for their merry-making would last for weeks, months, even /years/ in the human world.

Once - and only once - Michael almost got swept up in it. They passed by a group of Fae gathering for a dance and Gavin had almost run to join them. The fiddles were already going, their haunting song growing through the night. If Michael had grabbed hands with one of the dancers, he’d be gone. He’d dance forever, until he died where he stood. That was the plight of the Faerie Dance. That was the doom of the dancers. 

Gavin had saved him in the end. Come to his senses and realized his human wasn’t made for such merry-making. He had managed to tear Michael away from the music, shoved wax in his ears until Michael could think again and lost the dewy, star-struck look in his eyes. A kiss warned the other Fae away and, like scavenging wolfs backing away from their prey, they retreated into the woods, until their eyes were the only things left. Watching. Waiting for a human to stumble and be pulled into their trap, feasting like wolves on the life-force of the unwary. Those too easily entranced.

It took months before Michael crossed back over after that, but with Gavin’s protection - worn like a cloak of gossamer gold over his shoulders - he wasn’t bothered much again. Gavin fought to keep him away from wandering eyes and enchanting hands and Michael felt safe with him. His boy rarely felt deep emotions but here, where everything was amplified a hundred times, the human emotion in him was too. Gavin was like a wolf and would tear apart any who approached them, teeth sharp as knives and smile just a bit too wide.

To get to the spring and the flowers they needed to harvest, they had to pass through the Court. Michael had never been there. Gavin assured him that was the Court of a minor Flower God and that they didn’t need to worry. He just had to stay close. Michael never was disobedient, not in the world of the Fae. He didn’t know enough. Gavin just warned him again to keep his mouth shut. A promise here was binding. A boast was a sealed death warrant.

Everyone knew the story of the best bagpiper in the world who got sucked down a Faerie hole to learn from the best and then was never able to leave, playing perpetually in their world for their dance forever more. Sometimes, legend has it, you could still hear him playing on the marshes of Scotland. Michael wasn’t sure how true the story was when he heard it on the concrete streets of Los Santos, but he wasn’t about to risk it. The rules of Fae ownership were fickle and he wasn’t about to break them.

The Flower God was naked. Most Faes were. Michael wasn’t bothered by this. Honestly, it made the man more appealing. It made him want to lay in the lush grass at the man’s feet and open his body up to him. That was the lure of the Fae, their charm. It was only when one looked closer could you see their sharp teeth and wicked claws. They were predators and Michael was a prey animal through and through. Shivers ran up his spine. He didn’t Belong Here and he knew it.

Gavin - with a low hiss - staked his claim, drawing blood from Michael’s body and smearing it over his lips. His. Michael was his, sealed with a bloody kiss. The show was morbid and ceremonial, but it appeased the wandering members of the Court from getting any closer. The whispers of pleasures beyond Michael’s knowing faded away and he was released from their spell. The smell of fragrance faded from his nostrils, replaced by the crimson tang of his own blood. Gavin’s blinding gold shimmer faded but for a moment, Michael could see the tendrils of satin wings fade back into his body. His little Faerie had sharp claws. He had to remember that.

They leave the village on the other side that they had come and time seems to minutely speed up, leaving them in a copse of never-dying trees. Gavin is breathing hard, crimson blood still on his lips, looking vicious. Michael just squeezes his hand. In the Other World, he’d have comments. Now, it felt like his tongue was tied to the roof of his mouth. He couldn’t speak even if he wanted to. A wrong word here spelled imprisonment, entrapment, death.

Even drowning in pleasure was drowning all the same.

When they emerge out into the spring, it trickles and runs like diamonds down a waterfall of magic. Michael’s almost dizzied with it. Gavin bends down and drinks straight out of the pool like some sort of animal. His body sparkles and he is rejuvenated. With a grin and a cock of his head, he dips his hand in until a few drops of the magic water - the water of the Fae - glimmer on his fingers. He gently returns and presses the droplets against Michael’s lips and he suckles greedily on the fingers. The water is like a shock, like the purest water and the most potent alcholol. It’s heady and intoxicating and he licks all he can get off of Gavin’s fingers and then - without stopping himself - licks what remains off of Gavin’s lips.

Gavin allows him two greedy kisses to steal what’s left of the droplets before stopping him. Sex is an Act here, a Right of Passage that Michael cannot transgress on. It’s another form of body magic and another way to steal a human’s soul. Stealing a droplet of magic water is one thing and that’s another.

Michael understands and goes to collect the lilys while Gavin strips down, skin tan and glowing gold as he bathes in the stream, the real reason he comes. The water falls off the gorgeous curves of his body and Michael is forced to look away or else fall victim to the promises of this world. The Temptations.

Gavin’s completely dry when he steps out, just another secret mystery, but looking rejuvenated, healthy and strong. The scars and stresses of the human world that had gathered on his skin are gone. The waters of the spring had restored him.

Holding out his hand, he brushes a kiss on Michael’s knuckles. Bag full of lilies, Gavin throws his hands up and incants an ancient ritual Michael would never be privy to know. A faerie ring is formed. Holding Michael close, they step through...

And collapse in the woods near Mount Chillad, falling on the dusty ground. It’s less vibrant. The ground is painful and dry, aching for the water of the magic spring across one magic barrier of time and space. Gavin’s Faerie ring is verdant and beautiful and surrounded with little mushrooms - the perfect trap for a curious hiker.

It’s only when they’re lying on the dirt, gasping, does Michael let out a long laugh. Gavin chuckles too and suddenly they’re kissing, all the adrenaline and fear they both felt fading. Back to normal, a witch and a displaced Fae. Not a God-being and his follower, but two men with strange abilities. 

The World of the Fae is a dangerous place and woe betide those who dare to test its mysteries unaccompanied, lest it swallow you whole.