#i will NOT make poor academic decisions

[lotus-pear]

FIGHTING the urge to draw shuake so i can study for my ap stats test but i cant concentrate on fucking linear regression with them constantly haunting my brain

[callixton]

slept for eleven hours for the first time in sooo long. maybe this will make me functional this week

[saltyfilmmajor]

Spent most of my week avoiding doing my legal memo final project, and the draft is due at midnight. Will i learn from this mistake: no

[radicalposture]

the rush of euphoria on getting a job followed by the crushing disappointment of remembering you now have to work

[tetsunabouquet]

Remember when I read an article by a stupid Theology professor who was saying our universities were in favor of the 'white Christian' when our country's main religion that influenced our constitution is protestantism?

I just read another article from that newspaper which is a magazine regarding educational matters and my god, this entire newspaper seems to showcase why our education system has gone to hell.

There is no non-native English speaking country that is so well-spoken and quick to switch in English as The Netherlands, foreigners with experience travelling across the globe tell us so all the time.

But its starting to become a problem in the education system, especially colleges. The primary issue is that its getting to the level where its becoming inaccessible for a Dutch student who isn't particularly skilled in languages. We are already hearing stories of students who cannot actually study at certain colleges anymore because there is no course available for them in our native language.

Our government is now trying to change this, and amongst their plans is forcing international teachers to actually learn the language to a certain standard before they are allowed to teach as our pro-English speaking system has also drawn in a lot of foreign academics.

Who are currently crying discrimination.

Wtf.

How can you get fancy degrees, yet not have the braincells to be like, I'm gonna go teach in another country so how about I learn the language my students speak?'

Also how can you be so selfish as an educator to think your academic aspirations and how they are hindered by not speaking the language is worth more then people's education.

They are complaining about the cost of language classes and lack of time. Again, they should have had the brains to think about that before moving abroad and getting a job.

I cannot believe they have the audacity to demand for free language classes like the international students get. Those kids are paying our colleges for classes, we just give international students a bonus class. Whereas these college teachers are getting paid for their services. Big difference.

I also cannot believe that they demand the government to scrap this requirement because no one else is held to it. Yeah, those aren't educators.

Also the way this one anonymous professor was like, 'most of us actually do want to learn, I don't think forcing us to comply is the answer' is such an idiot!!! Have they never been in a poor area with lots of immigrants before?!

Because of us being so profficient in English, there are plenty of immigrants to be found who barely speak a word of our language despite being here for 10+ years. My Turkish childhood best friend who is the inspiration behind my TWP OC Zeynep? Her mother barely spoke a word Dutch when we were children despite being here for almost 20 years.

My mom was always like, "Just imagine your parent getting an STD and being forced to translate at the doctors office," because that is the case for these immigrants and they have already proven that unless you force immigrants to take language classes almost half of the group still won't be profficient within a decade.

For all their whining about how there are foreign colleges who pay them better and how much money language classes cost, they clearly don't struggle enough with money to actually have to live in a poor area and witness how the immigrants without a fancy degree prove the government's point at how giving people the choice clearly isn't working on a societal level.

I wonder if they will still call it discrimination if they ever get into a complex medical situation and their Dutch doctors doesn't know how to describe a medical term in English.

[shycloudkitty]

You're too sweet for a monster like me

Summary : Leon's drowning his pain and suffering with whiskey. But you might be his true salvation.

Pairing : Vendetta Leon! × Fem Reader (A little bit of pre vendetta)

Tags : Established relationship, self deprecating talk (Leon does with himself), mostly angst with little comfort. (But it's there) and alcoholism

A/N: Update on why I disappeared for a while. It's because things got rocky with my academics and I recently broke up :( But not to worry I'm not gonna let a little heartbreak set me back.

And for this fic I'm thinking it to be a little pre vendetta Leon, like the incidents that led to him having depression in Vendetta.

It's gonna a be short fic, may or may not write a part 2 about this. Let me know!

WC: 1.6K

Sound of whiskey getting poured in a glass fills the emptiness of the living room he was in. After all this was all he could do, the only thing he had control in his poor pathetic life.

One mission after another after another. Leon was getting tired after endless fights with the B.O.Ws, corrupt governments in countless countries that were ‘speculated’ to have a new damned virus or a bioweapon war waiting to happen.

And every damn time he was supposed to deal with it, he was supposed to do the government’s dirty work for them, he was supposed to fight every goddamned ugly creature created by the worst of mankind, he had to carry out every gut wrenching decision that government instructed him to do, everytime he was the last man standing and he was never gonna get out of this cycle.

Yes, that's right. He was just a little puppet for the government that was supposed to fight B.O.Ws for them. Someone who was blackmailed into this life and do their bidding, by of course the government.

At first, he tried to take it positively and thought of how many people he could save like he always wanted to and at such a large scale. Something he was extremely passionate about since he was a kid… saving people's lives, protecting them. That's why he wanted to be a cop and now that he was a government ‘special’ agent he would be able to do more.

But he definitely didn't expect the destruction those missions would cause on his own self too, taking every piece of his humanity, every last hope he seemed to have, gone & extinguished in the flames of every bioweapon war he was called in. He definitely didn't expect and could never have anticipated what he was getting thrown into.

When will this cycle end?

A question he thought every second of his life but never had the answer. Forced to play hero each time and with no real win, fighting was like choosing between the lesser of two evils.

He was just a weapon, just a pawn that the government moved each time when they wanted to achieve something. And why would a pawn's life matter in the grand scheme of things? A pawn was created just to be shot down. And that's what he was.

While he was lost in thoughts and his whiskey all alone. He almost missed the soft voice whispering his name, such a gentle voice calling out to him. Feeling a soft hand on his back, trying to get his attention. He turned back to see who it was… and there was the reason. You.

Soft eyes looking at him with a sympathetic smile asking him how he was or that he had eaten anything today?

Leon slowly shook his head to get out of the fog clouding his brain and blinked a few times to focus on you.

Leon's words slurred as he spoke “What?”

“I asked how are you doing today?” Your soft words of concern clearing his brain fog better, making him aware of his surroundings and himself.

Leon blinks once more and looks down at his whiskey and then back at you. “... Better than yesterday.” A lie, he was the same as yesterday.

He could see her lips twitch in a small smile as she sat down besides him on the couch and said. “You're a terrible liar when drunk…”

Leon managed a soft huff at her reply. It almost weirded him out that you could see through him, but he guessed that's what happens when you have someone who cares for you. Leon looked away, sighing deeply and replied. “I'm just tired…”

Leon heard a soft sigh, feeling the soft couch dip a bit as she shifted closer to him, resting her head on his shoulder and gently held his hand. “Leon… I'm always here for you, you know that right? I may not be able to give solid advice to you, but I'm a good listener.”

You could feel him relax under your touch a bit and saw him look your way from the corner of his way, still not facing you. “...I know.”

“So, you know I'm also worried about you?”

Leon winces at that, the last thing he wanted was you to worry about his pathetic self. You already have done so much for him just staying by his side through all this. Hell, you were an angel just for putting up with him and actually loving him. You weren't supposed to be worried about him and you definitely weren't supposed to fall in love with him.

Leon clears his throat and shifts a little bit away from you although he didn't let go of your hand and says. “I…It's nothing.”

You couldn't help but frown at how closed off he was being for the last few days, you understand that his last mission was rough although he never went into details about his missions with you. And you knew he needed space to process all of it but you hated the way he was ‘processing’ his loss. Drinking, lost in thoughts and closing off when you tried to get close. It was hard for both of you.

You slowly shifted towards him again, getting close to him once again. Gently taking the whiskey glass from his hands and moving it away from him. “Leon…”

He looks back at you and he looks…lost. A raging storm of emotions present in those pretty blue eyes of his that you loved so much. “I know it's hard Leon and I'm happy to give you space to think but the way you're doing it… is making me worried.”

You took a deep breath and continued. “Is there anything I can do to help? I can't… see you like this.”

He closes his eyes and deeply sighs once more, years of weariness and defeat visible on his face. He shakes his head and whispers. “You're not supposed to worry about me…”

Leon feels soft hands cup his face gently as she replies. “Can't help it. It sorta happens when you care.”

Leon opens his eyes to see you staring at him with a soft warm smile, your faces close. He presses his forehead against yours for a while trying to calm his anxious thoughts. He then pulls you closer by your waist, pulling you in a hug and burying his face in your neck and taking a deep breath. Your scent filling his senses and offering some peace that he needed to ground himself.

He often wondered what he did to deserve you? Did God or whatever the power universe has, take pity on him and decide to gift him an angel? You were always so sweet, so gentle with him, loving, caring, understanding. You were his sunshine and he couldn't look away. All he could do was soak up in the warmth that you always seemed to radiate everywhere you stepped.

You were perfect and it scared the hell out of him.

He was scared that one day you will see the monster he actually was. That one day you will wake up and see him for who he was, the things he had to do to make a living and think what a disgusting monster he was, what he truly was… not some ‘Hero’ or the ‘Golden boy’, just some monster and a weapon crafted to perfection to destroy the undead. And he hopes that day never comes.

He continues to hug you tightly to himself, his face buried in your neck as he takes deep breaths to calm himself. He then softly whispered. “You smell…like daffodils.”

The sudden comment made you chuckle a bit and kissed his cheek, hugging him tightly. “Yeah, I bought a new perfume today, didn't think you would notice. Does it smell bad?”

“... No, it smells good. It suits you.” And sighed deeply. He then whispered. “You're too sweet for me. Don't know what you see in me.”

You turned to face him and kissed his cheek. “don't say that… I see that you're a hard working, resilient person who keeps going even when the odds are stacked up against him. Whatever it is that you're going through… you can pass through it.”

He turned his head to face you, his expression softening into something more vulnerable as you say that. Clearly touched by your words. Feeling a lump rise in his throat as he closes his eyes once more and exhales shakily.

You were so…innocent. You had no idea what was going on in his head or what actually he turned into. You also had no idea about the vicious but repetitive cycle he was in.

Opening up about this life of his…would ruin such a sweet and innocent thing like you, he was sure of that. He knew you weren't a kid or anything or that you never faced hardships in your life. But this…he can't tell you about what he faces out there, what kind of ugliness his line of work shows him everyday, the dark side of humanity.

He can't taint the only ray of sunshine he ever found in his life.

You look up at him with that sweet dazzling smile, thinking he was someone ‘great’. But reality couldn't be farther from the truth.

Hello everyone! Long time no see, I'm sorry for my disappearance. I promise I will try to be regular now, I know this was short I will probably try to make a part 2? Idk but this was mostly written for my creativity to start flowing again. If you liked it please like it and reblog. I would be very grateful 😊

Fun fact: Daffodils are a sign of hope!

Thank you for reading this, hope you have a good day!

-Bella

[007reid]

coffee caramels. spencer reid

this is my submission for the cm meet cute (or not) challenge by @imagining-in-the-margins ! i did VERY loose research on the stuff spencer sprouts off on because i am not our boy genius so sorry if there are any inaccuracies ':( this is my first time writing for spencer but i literally love it so much and i'd love to write more so plz flood my inbox with requests for him plzzz 😭

pairing: fem!reader x spencer reid

prompt: character sits next to a stranger in the theater, but the two end up bonding when there's a technical glitch.

warnings: slightly grumpy!reader and sunshine!spencer my fav trope <333 confident reader, reader makes the first move, spencer being a bbg and blushing a lot ;)) all the good stuff

word count: 2.7k

you arrived at the theater ten minutes early, bee-lined to the popcorn section and asked for extra butter. you loaded your oily popcorn up with coffee caramels and chocolate-covered coffee beans and bought a large coke. you walked in the theater, confident and fully armed with enough caffeine to hopefully keep you awake during the entire thing. you have tape in your bag to peel your eyes open just in case things go south, but you're confident enough to believe that it won't.

because it can't.

"aelita," your professor had said on friday, "is a russian phenomenon, and it is one of my top favorite films. considering how you are all in a russian literature class, i can make the safe assumption that you are all interested in russian culture."

now, not only were you in a russian literature class as an elective like two-thirds of your class, you were also a russian literature and poetry major. how you ended with that major baffles you and there hasn't been a day where you wanted to choose another major, but there hasn't been a day where you weren't depressed about your poor decision-making either. it's a battle you fight every day.

"aelita was first screened in 1924, and this year, next week, there will be a worldwide re-screening of the film in its originality, no edits, completely authentic, except with added subtitles for those who need it, of course," this was when your professor got very stern. "i want all of you to go and watch it. if you don't want to, fine, but there will be an assessment grade on this movie. this is not optional. i believe that the content of this movie is very true to our..."

at that point you had stopped listening, because you knew what your professor wanted you to do, and you dreaded doing it.

two hours, silent, black and white, russian film with subtitles. and you have to hang onto the movie's every word.

not your ideal saturday night plans, but for your academic career, you were willing to take that leap; looking like a sore loser at the empty theater with black framed glasses on instead of getting fucked up in someone's bathtub. it's fine. the partying was all up to the business majors anyway.

when you walked into the theater, it was, understandably, vacant, save for a couple men and women with graying hair or bald scalps and bad backs. you were clearly not the target audience. none of them had snacks on them either, and you felt awkward being the one responsible for the strong aroma of butter and coffee that stuffed the place the moment you walked in. a gentleman coughed in his hanker-chief and flared his nostrils. you were intimidated already.

you tracked down your seat and decided to not let any of it distract you. you needed a good grade on this assessment. you had already bombed your previous test on the imperial era; you don't need another bad grade stacked on top of it. you're acing this test, no matter what, and you're going to absorb this movie so well that it might as well be your favorite.

as you waited for the film to start, you munched on several of the coffee caramels, the caffeine slow to kick in. you shrugged it off. there's a whole bucket of sugar to fuel you through the film.

in midst of biting into a shelf of a chocolate-covered-coffee-bean, you heard a light thud and a hiss, and the quiet muttering of "i'm good, ow." an old man by the stairs called out;

"you alright, son?"

"yes sir," the man said. despite being alright, he was limping to his seat, and you watched him attentively, for there wasn't much else for you to observe. he limped closer and closer to you by row, ticket in his hand and checking the letters on the rows. he stopped at your row, and then walked crookedly and settled down in the seat right next to you.

you chewed on your popcorn as you directed your attention somewhere else, your determination slightly deflated. the film was late into starting, but you were still going strong.

"oh wow," you heard the man mumbled next to you, and looked over to see what he was talking about, nosy. but he was looking at you.

"what?" you said indignantly, immediately dropping the oily popcorn in your hand and wiping at your mouth, feeling oddly self-conscious. but mostly irritated. you'd say you hid your whiplash pretty well when you saw how pretty the man was when you looked over at him. you were so smooth with it. "chocolate on my face?"

"what? oh, no," the man breathed out a small laugh. he's got a soft, shy voice that got your insides feeling like broken tomato bits.

"then what?" you demanded, but not too authoritatively because you didn't want to chase him away. you kept it cool and in control. totally. it was hard to find eye candy in quantico, and the last place you would expect to find someone so pretty is in the theater for a fucking silent film.

even though it was dark, you could still catch the bright blush that crept up the man's neck, but it might be because he felt hot under all those layers. seriously, he was dressed like your grandpa, sweater vest, tie, collared shirt and all, but it was tied together in some kind of way that made it work, and it was the way the man carried himself that made him look youthful in all those ancient clothing.

"nothing," he ducked his head away, "i was just talking out loud."

you didn't have to be sherlock holmes to know that he was lying. "you liar," you accused, wiping your hand even more aggressively over your face. "i do have something on my face, don't i? just tell me if i do!"

"you don't have anything on your face!" he said, an indecisive and uncracked smile playing on his lips. you grumbled and turned back to look at the screen, still waiting for the film to start, popping candy in your mouth. in was silent for a merciful while, until the man said, "did you know that dmitri shostakovich conducted the music for this film and during its first showings in leningrad since the film was silent he came personally and played the piano whenever the soundtrack would be playing?"

you hummed. no you did not.

"i was surprised when i saw you, you don't look over sixty at all," the man continued. you didn't know how to take this piece of information as a compliment or an insult. "whenever i come to these things, it's only me who doesn't have grey hair. well, some people dye it, which looks pretty obvious because you can't really hide age, y'know?"

usually you'd be annoyed. very annoyed, in fact, you'd switch seats to be away from the guy. but this one's got a nice voice, and the moment he sat down you caught a scent to him immediately, that old cashmere and cotton scent that comes from old, thrifted clothes that you'll find dug deep somewhere in your grandmother's basement or in vintage stores, and sugar cookies and mint and coffee. it's a good smell, is all. you weren't being creepy about it.

"i'm not over sixty," you assured him. "just scraping twenty-two."

"oh! i'm twenty-two too!" the man said excitedly. he had child's glee to him, which you found more endearing than annoying. you didn't know why. you didn't know why you were still sitting with the man instead of scurrying three rows away like you would have normally the moment any stranger tried to attempt small talk with you.

maybe you were a changed woman.

"how crazy," you mused. you didn't sound half as interested or excited as the man did, but he had most definitely got your undivided attention. you nature tells you to not show it.

"how did you hear about this movie? i tried to get some of my friends to watch it with me, but none of them were too interested...except emily, she's usually more interested because she can speak russian but she got plans this weekend," his face fell into a thoughtful frown at the end, and the clockwork in your brain started to turn at the mention of 'emily.' was that his girlfriend? special lady? you shouldn't be googling, then.

"my professor created an assessment for this movie," at the man's inquiring look, you explained further, "it's for my russian lit class."

his eyes shone like a fucking diamond at that, as if russian lit was the most exciting thing he had ever heard of in his life. you could tell that you were looking at the kind of guy who would decline a party full of seniors to go read a dictionary at home. "is that like an elective you take? 'cause it's a subject that fascinates me a lot, but the demand for it is so slim that--"

he was cut off by the movie finally starting and flickering to life. you turned away immediately, eyes focused and attention zeroed onto the introduction screen. screw the pretty boy for now, you thought, you might as well pack your things and go back to your hometown if you fuck up this movie's assessment. it needed your attention.

black and white and grimy, a pretty font wrote 'aelita, adapted by alexei tolstoy.' but as soon as the film started, the picture quickly collapsed, blurring and then fading into black. with the audience being so small, there wasn't much commotion but whispers of confusion began to arise as the lights began to bleed more yellow, lighting up the theater more. it was as if the movie was over.

"sorry folks," a voice came from the grainy megaphone above all of them. "some trouble with the tape. we are trying our best, but not sure of our luck. all tickets will be refunded if bought online or you bring your ticket to us for a mark so you can present your current ticket right now at the next showing. thanks for your patience."

you looked exaggeratedly around, and the man in the sweater vest next to you looked equally as disappointed.

"my professor is not going to believe me," you muttered under your breath, but the man caught it anyway and chuckled quietly. you looked down at your still full bucket of popcorn and your large coke. you glanced over to the man next to you, not too smart things lottering around in your head. you travel through the subway, and the ride to your street is not until two hours. you weren't going to spend it morosely eating popcorn in the waiting lobby.

"is emily your girlfriend?" you asked suddenly. there was no point in being shy. the man's mouth unhinged from his jaw immediately, and you stared at him. his cheeks quickly stained an innocent pink.

"what?" he squeaked, his voice a higher pitch, caught off-guard. "no! no, she-she's my coworker!" he sounded almost offended.

this took you by surprise. you didn't know people who were close to their coworkers existed. "so you don't have a girlfriend?"

the blush on the man's face kept getting brighter and brighter. you bit your lip to keep from smiling like a fool. with how endeared you were by him, it's strange to think that you don't even know his name yet. it was rare for you to really be so mindful and think such soft things about somebody, especially to a stranger.

you were a changed woman. but maybe it's because of the coffee caramels messing with your head. sugar and caffeine tend to do that.

"no," the man said, then cleared his throat. he was fiddling with his fingers, an obvious stim. "no, i don't have a girlfriend."

"sweet," you grinned, "then no one would mind if i take you on a date, would they?"

he choked and got engulfed in a coughing fit, bending over in his seat. the red of his sweater vest nearly blinded you but you patted his back supportively. when his coughing ceased and he sat back up again, his eyes avoided yours for a while as he fought to keep the redness in his face down before he looked at you again.

"so?" you raised your eyebrow. "the night doesn't wait, pretty boy."

the nickname just slipped out of your mouth, and you cringed at the weight of it. how out of pocket. you were going to go home and contemplate this conversation later. but right now, you were trying to take out probably the sweetest looking boy you've ever seen, and that was a more important matter as of.

"okay," he said, and that was that.

"okay," you repeated. "let's start with finishing this, yeah?" you looked down at your bothersomely big bucket of popcorn. "we can walk to the park and eat it and feed it to the ducks."

"actually, it's not safe for ducks to consume popcorn because it causes digestive issues especially if consumed in large quantities and disrupts their natural diet," the man recited matter-of-factly, blinking at you obliviously as if he just didn't acted like a fucking android. you huffed out a laugh. handsome and smart. pretty much a package deal.

"the popcorn will be just for us then," you promised, standing up. he followed suit, as a lone line of people started to exit the theater. "i hope you aren't a serial killer in disguise," you said jokingly, but not really, because that was a genuine threat. he laughed. it was a sweet, syrupy sound that you could soak up and not get sick of for a long time.

"that's ironic," he mumbled, and it flew past your head, you being too busy maneuvering out of the rows.

"what was that?"

"nothing," he smiled, bright and easy. the initial nervousness was already beginning to melt away. when you were side by side, his hand accidentally brushed yours and when you looked up at him, he was already looking another way, pretending to be distracted by the movie posters but the red in his ears and neck gave it away. you smiled to yourself and grabbed his hand, holding your bucket of popcorn in the other.

"i forgot," you said, suddenly. his head whipped around to face you, but not before lingering his gaze at your intertwined hands. "i didn't get your name."

it was a foolish thing to say, you were holding a man's hand and you were pressed up side-by-side against him and you don't even know his name. he smiled softly, though, like he didn't mind. "i'm spencer reid."

"i'm y/n y/l/n."

"hi y/n," spencer said. you exited the theater and he started slightly swinging your joined hands. you laughed, the popcorn and candy in the bucket rattling and threatening to spill but you didn't care. "i'm a little disappointed," he said, pouting a little bit, bottom lip jutting out. "i was excited for the movie."

you breathed out an incredulous laugh. what a guy.

"i wasn't," you said, honestly. yours and spencer's arms were still swinging, and you resisted the uncharacteristic giggle bubbling at your throat. "rather be doing this instead." unexpected date at the park with a pretty boy in a red sweater vest or a boring silent film? the answer sounded pretty obvious to you.

"hm," spencer hummed, amused. "i guess i can catch the movie some other time."

"you can catch it with me," you blurted, and it sounded too early to say. you haven't had a proper conversation with the guy yet, you didn't know what he does and how he is, you didn't know whether or not he has a cat or a dog or a parrot or a ferret or if his room is kept tidy or messy, and you didn't know how much you were going to like him once the night is over. asking for a second date when the first one hadn't even started felt like too much, but it also felt like the right thing to say.

and if it's right, it's good enough for you.

spencer smiled shyly. when you turned right on the street, he pulled you back by your hand and redirected you left. "let's go the scenic route," he said, casually, and you could tell by the magenta tinge in his cheeks and the way he was firmly looking forward, avoiding your eyes that he wasn't feeling as casual as he sounded.

"want some of my popcorn?" you offered, feeling the large bucket was burdening you.

"oh, no thanks," spencer said. "i'm sure the pigeons will appreciate it more than me."

"does popcorn ruin their digestive system and disrupt their natural diet, too?"

spencer popped a large grin. it sat beautiful on his pretty face. "you listened," he said happily, and it felt like a large airbag had just inflated in your lungs. "no, i think pigeons are too used to picking our food, especially those in the city," a long pause, and "in fact, pigeons have a stronger digestive system than most birds due to adaptation, but the strongest out of all of them are vultures, whose stomach acid are so strong it doesn't get sick e eating rotten and bacteria-infested meats."

you hummed. you wished you had paid closer attention to what he said, but instead you paid attention to the smooth sound of his voice and how nice it sounded. well. you'll get there one day.

[fallingdownhell]

Genshin Impact

SFW Posts

When someone is talking down to you (with Diluc, Ayato and Tighnari)

Of broken Promises Part 1 Part 2

Decisions to be made - Kaeya x Reader

They ask "Who hurt you?" (with Tighnari; Wanderer; Kazuha and Xiao)

Sweet, sweet Revenge (Cheater!Diluc x Reader)

Your best friend tries to make them dump you:

Part 1: Alhaitham; Kaveh; Cyno; Tighnari; Wanderer

Part 2: Ayato; Kaeya; Diluc; Childe; Zhongli

Part 3: Itto; Gorou

Anemo Users as a "pseudo family" headcanons

Comfort headcanons for depression with Alhaitham and Kaveh

When you write them little notes (with Alhaitham; Kaveh; Cyno; Tighnari and Wanderer)

Comfort Poly Relationship: Cyno x Reader x Tighnari

Headcanons on Poly Relationship with Diluc and Tartaglia

Comfort for academic stress: Thoma x Reader

Relationship headcanons (with Diluc; Kaeya; Tighnari and Wanderer)

When you tell Dad jokes with him: Cyno x Reader

Headcanons on Poly Relationship with Ayato and Kaeya

When they wake up before you (with Venti; Heizou; Kazuha; Xiao and Wanderer)

You take care of a sick Tighnari

You get into an argument with them about their work

Part 1: Albedo; Cyno; Alhaitham; Kazuha

Part 2: Tighnari; Wanderer; Heizou

When you sing in the shower (with Cyno; Tighnari; Alhaitham and Kaveh)

You pluck their "First grey hair" (with Itto; Kaveh; Zhongli and Kazuha)

They are dealing with separation anxiety (with Xiao; Wanderer; Tighnari and Diluc)

When you are a Water Dragon (with Diluc; Xiao; Zhongli and Ayato)

You pamper them with a massage (with Childe; Xiao and Zhongli)

You and Tighnari adopt Collei together

You ask them "Do I look fat?" (with Cyno; Kaeya and Wanderer)

You walk in on them cheating on you (with Ayato; Heizou; Kazuha and Gorou)

When someone is talking down on them (with Diluc; Kaeya; Alhaitham; Zhongli)

They forget about your birthday (with Diluc and Kaeya)

Part 1

Part 2

Pen pals getting together: Cyno x Reader x Tighnari

When they find out your sister is the favoured child in the family

Part 1: Heizou; Thoma; Alhaitham

Part 2: Kaeya; Dainsleif; Baizhu

Part 3: Wanderer; Xiao; Tighnari

You compliment them while drunk (with Tighnari; Cyno; Alhaitham; Kaveh and Wanderer)

You feel neglected by them (with Kazuha; Heizou and Venti)

You and Alhaitham teasing poor Kaveh

They are oblivious to your flirting (with Tighnari; Cyno; Alhaitham and Kaveh)

They are getting possessive when someone is flirting with you (with Tighnari; Cyno; Kaveh and Xiao)

Both of you forget it's your birthday: Diluc x Reader

You forgot to wear your glasses to class (with Tighnari; Cyno; Alhaitham and Kaveh)

You're hugging them from behind (with Alhaitham; Kaveh; Kaeya and Zhongli)

You're falling asleep on their shoulder (with Scaramouche; Kazuha; Kaveh and Alhaitham)

You giving them a massage (with Kaveh and Alhaitham)

Archons with Dragon!Reader: platonic headcanons (with Venti; Zhongli and Nahida)

Dancing in the rain with them (with Alhaitham and Kaveh)

Tighnari with a Shinobu Kocho like s/o

You are a people pleaser (with Tighnari; Cyno; Kaveh; Alhaitham and Wanderer)

You argue with them about your strenght (with Xiao and Wanderer)

Complimenting them while drunk (with Diluc; Xiao and Thoma)

They find out you have a delusion (with Kaeya; Diluc; Zhongli and Childe)

Randomly calling them "Teyvat's Beauty King" (with Wanderer; Itto; Thoma and Kaveh)

Hugging a Chibi Plushy of them (with Kaeya; Childe; Cyno and Kaveh)

Ayato x Reader: Hanahaki AU/Arranged Marriage

You're Kaveh's younger sibling and they are crushing on you (with Tighnari and Cyno)

They see your trained body for the first time (with Childe; Kazuha and Alhaitham)

Headcanons on Poly Relationship with Alhaitham and Kaveh

You having a panic attack when hearing them argue with someone (with Diluc; Kaveh and Ayato)

They comfort you after a nightmare (with Diluc and Kaeya)

You're getting shrunk (with Tighnari; Cyno; Alhaitham; Kaveh and Wanderer)

Headcanons on Poly Relationship with Ayato and Childe

You have crazy good luck (with Itto; Cyno; Zhongli and Kaveh)

You are a Vampire (with Neuvillette; Diluc and Heizou)

You're breaking up with them (with Aether; Dainsleif and Kaeya)

They are defending you (with Cyno; Dehya and Childe)

You have selective mutism (with Xiao and Alhaitham)

They are your best friend and get jealous when you get gifts on Valentine's day (with Tighnari; Cyno; Kaveh; Alhaitham and Wanderer)

They ask if you would choose them or the world (with Neuvillette; Diluc; Kaeya and Zhongli)

Headcanons about Cyno as your boyfriend

Calling them by their full name (with Kazuha; Ayato; Diluc and Kaeya)

NSFW Posts (MINORS PLEASE DON'T INTERACT!!)

Top!Xiao x Bottom!Female!Reader

When you sit on their face (with Tighnari; Heizou; Xiao and Dainsleif)

They are going through a rut without you (with Itto; Gorou and Tighnari)

Bottom!Yoimiya x Top!Female!Reader

Top!Zhongli x Bottom!Female!Reader: First Time Smut

Bottom!Puppy Hybrid!Reader with an early heat (with Zhongli and Diluc)

Top!Wanderer x Bottom!Reader

Breakup Sex headcanons (with Kazuha; Diluc and Neuvillette)

Sub!Neuvillette x Dom!Female!Reader

[chaotic-history]

Guess who's gonna just do them tomorrow 😌

Guess who thought he had one assignment due tonight that magically turned into several assignments 😃 still gonna procrastinate until later tonight though

[pawborough]

July 2024 Check In

Hello, all!

Happy update day! Thank you for your support and patience while we work. This has been one of the busiest times for our team, and we’re making good progress. But it's challenging to share without sounding like a broken record. Lots of coding. Lots of numbers. Lots of items. So little time...!

But first, I must share solemn news. Our backdrop artist, Kzart, has passed away. He died of cardiac arrest just the day after our last update, where we previewed his wonderful work on the Cogwheel Outskirts.

This is a deep and mournful tragedy. Our heart goes out to his family, friends, and loved ones. Kzart was a welcome, cheerful, and bright part of the team, and the loss is devastating. May his memory be a blessing.

We are dedicating our work this month to his memory. We hope to ask your patience while we make decisions for future team members in the wake of his passing.  

To start off, here are some asset updates.

New Icons

We’ve been picking away at icons. Populating the site itself with estimates for cooking, crafting, dailies, site store, and guild play has been a behemoth of a task which has taken weeks of calculating out delicate numbers, drop rates, and seeding tactics. We have an insane amount of spreadsheets. I’m very proud of how much we’ve figured out.

Wild Boar, Bison Calf, Kid, Lamb, Blackbird, Red Squirrel and Brown Hare illustrated by Tybaxel and Remmie

The young animals will be available as plain food in Alpha and part of Beta, but are designed in preparation for our Farming and Husbandry mechanic, explained more in this update!

I’m dying to see the dye icons!

Illustration by Tybaxel

And lastly, we’ve started work on the stone assets!

Harvest Stone, Metropolis Stone, and Luna Stone by Hydde

Above you see the Harvest Stone, Metropolis Stone, and Luna Stone. Paw-carved by catfolk out of various precious stones and the elusive Prismaline—Mewmoia’s magical mineral and the origin of modern magical technology—these stones act as a magical catalyst for sorcerers performing transmutation.  

We also want to note: we see the discrepancy in the Harvest logo and its child assets. While we were working on the visual development, we found that the leaf was not only more recognizable as a symbol, but more reliably adaptable in different simplistic forms. We will be experimenting with replacing the vegetable in the Harvest logo with a leaf.

Recolorings

Recolors continue! This month, we have the Guard set.

Colors done by Emma

New Decor 

We have begun our work on decor!

Our goal is to have a substantial amount of decor befitting every type of backdrop we are starting with. Our first set we are tackling is the Summer Natural set. We have sets known as Sea Faring, City Clearing, Academic, and Winter Natural planned as a starting roster.

Florals by Giulia, lemonade by Jerso, butterlfies by Asp

And here it is put together!

NPC Sketches

Early last month, we shared a preview of the initial sketch for Wheatley and Crowley, the sitewide general store!

Initial feedback included a poor merge of cat-like anatomy and anthropomorphized character acting. We took this feedback, spent another day on visual development for NPCs, and updated our character design visual philosophy!

So, presenting…

And here is how they look on the website!

This sketch is still subject to change as we hash it out, line, and render it, but we’re excited to share what we’ve developed so far!

Wheatley and Crowley were the first NPCs ever developed during pre-production. 

(Just as the Bovine was the first Mystic breed ever developed, and Sugar was the first color palette ever designed!) 

So there is something a tad emotional about making it this far. Seeing them animated and on an actual game UI has been very rejuvenating. We’re nearing the end of this development hole!

So you want to form a team and join the Guild, huh? Meet Maven, your guildmaster. She’s rough, prickly, and can scare the faint of heart. Yet the Guild is dedicated to helping poor cats in need, in the wake of wastebeasts and outlaws terrorizing outskirt villages. You wonder who she is under that thorny exterior…

Maven is a primary character in the ongoing site plot. We have the technology for NPCs to emote during dialogue. Many story-focused NPCs will get this treatment. This means that Maven's expressions will change as you talk to her!

All NPC sketches by Hydde

Everyone knows Winnipeg, the longhair chef from Luna. Introducing his twin sister, Winnifred! Winnifred sells husbandry and farming supplies, including young animals and seeds.

(Note: all 3D assets used for render references are ours, minus the watering can! Credit to Toonz Media Group from Sketchfab.) 

So let’s talk about the farm mechanic!

In Development - Farming and Husbandry

See the initial UIs for our major in-development mechanic.

Plant seeds on plots of land in your camp. Certain plants will raise or lower your soil quality, which in turn will affect how many items these plants yield. It’s up to you as the player to grow a variety of different plants to diversify your soil and get the most yield.

Husbandry will feature the same concept, utilizing livestock as opposed to plants. Grow different animals over time and maintain grass density to get the best quantity of items!

Lastly, some folks were curious about incense, how it works, and its attainment method.

Incense will be craftable, and its ingredients will be farmed! Incense ingredient seeds will be scattered around the game, including as reward drops for gameplay. It will take intentional cultivation to attain an incense item.

Because we had a few users who were curious to the specific ingredients of every incense scent, here is each Borough:

Luna = Lavender and Jasmine Sol = Cinnamon and Fennel Abyssal = Lotus and Sakura  Zenith = Rosemary and Sage Harvest = Basil and Oregano  Cogwheel = Saffron and Turmeric  Metropolis = Patchouli and Vetiver

For testing until farming is implemented, items which would be farmed will be available to buy through Winnifred. 

Cooking and Crafting

Lastly, a peak at the UI for the cook and craft mechanic!

We surveyed the playability of the original grid system and weighed the pros and cons of managing a grid and memorizing recipes in a multiplayer resource game, and ultimately decided that our platform and format doesn’t quite suit the crafting grid playstyle.

Instead, recipes and blueprints are found, added to your collection, and able to be insta-made.

We found the act of users individually adding items from storage to be tedious, and ultimately our original format would end up with users researching recipes on wiki articles instead of engaging in explorative play. While other games have crafting loops which incentivize exploration, the petsite setup as we have built it simply does not accommodate it without serious overhaul. 

But we hoped to preserve some of that magic by including the “add ingredient” feature. Users will be able to discover new combinations by experimenting with add-ons. For example, a pizza recipe could become mushroom pizza by adding mushrooms!

Users may still end up just looking things up, but the mechanic itself is now not ultimately dependent on off-site research.

Peak at this mockup recipe!

We are currently experimenting with how to include the NPCs in this UI format. Fear not that you do not see Winnipeg here. He will be in the game!

This mechanic in general is what we are currently working on! Thanks for sticking by!

And that’s all we have for today. We know that a lot of users are holding out for Mystic breed updates in the demo, and we are working on those. But game playability is taking the highest place for us, as we want to get testing ASAP! So, we appreciate this patience. Moontails, and likely Thumpers, will be here for Beta, but our #1 focus this last month has been the sprint to the finish line for playability in both development and assets. The semi-quiet activity is because we're putting all our energy into this huge milestone. 

Which to mention!

Alpha acceptances have been sent out! If you have not yet, check your email!

We asked those who receive it to reply that they have. There is not a strict deadline on this reply, we simply want to ensure that those who received the email have seen it and are ready to volunteer. We will still be sending keys to everyone who received an email, minus those who are dropping out. If someone is MIA by the time people are registering accounts, we will consider reaching out to other potential testers.

Home stretch, everyone! It’s starting to come together just how much we’ve completed, and the application is beginning to feel real in a way it hasn’t previously. We’re all super antsy to buff it out and get people playing!

Thank you all!

To summarize: We shared icons, Guard set recoloring, decor assets, 3 new NPC sketches, the farm and husbandry mechanic, and the cook/craft functionality.

What to expect next month: Further asset and development updates. Check-ins for how Alpha will be going, timeline expectations in the wake, NPCs and lore. 

[augustinewrites]

before the start of each academic year, the akademiya hosts a welcome ceremony. back when alhaitham was a student, he really didn’t care to attend. there was no academic advantage to attending, and he didn’t care for the research opportunities he could glean from networking. 

his reasoning came more from contrarian deposition rather than moral conviction, and has not changed since. not when he was a student, not when he was a graduate student, not even when he became the scribe. it was simply because he’d gone once and it was, in his opinion, incredibly boring.

the two of you basking in the afterglow of post-coital bliss when you bring it up.

you’re tracing soft, nonsensical patterns across his chest, lulling him into a false sense of comfort. “so…about the welcome ball…”

“i am not going.”

“haitham,” you pout. “we have to go because we’re faculty. think of it as mandatory fun!” 

“you’re using an oxymoron,” he points out flatly.

“no, you’re the moron.” you giggle, reaching up to poke his cheek. “you’re also the grand sage.”

“acting grand sage,” he corrects, turning his head and biting playfully at your finger. “and as far as i’m concerned, attending social functions is not in my purview as the temporary replacement.”

the two of you have been going back and forth about this for the past week. but alhaitham, the former captain of the akademiya’s debate team, had beaten you at every turn. now you were delivering your final rebuttal, which was smartly planned to happen following your…ahem, illicit nighttime activities, when he was more pliable and susceptible to suggestion. 

“it may not be in the grand sage’s job description, but in your job description as a boyfriend? i declare that it’s mandatory.” 

“so this is a dictatorship, not a relationship. noted.” 

he laughs when you smack his shoulder. “if you don’t come, i’ll tell everyone you’re stuck at home due to uncontrollable bowel movements.” 

“and i’ll tell them it’s due to your poor culinary abilities,” he counters.  

you gasp loudly, clearly offended. “what if i tell them that the great haravatat alumnus, the akademiya scribe, and current acting grand sage alhaitham fell asleep reading a book?”

“what will you tell them i was reading? your thesis?”

you smack him in the face with your pillow this time, rolling over with a decisive hmph and taking the duvet with you in an act of petulant defiance. 

his face breaks into an easy grin, chuckling softly as he reaches out to curl an arm around your waist, pulling you close. he presses his lips to the top of your head. “i’m just teasing. if you want me to go, i’ll go. you don’t have to blackmail me.” 

“you don’t have to,” you hum. “ i’ll just go with general mahamatra cyno. he’s probably a much better date than you anyway. he’ll hold my hand and refill my drink. i bet he’s a better dancer than you are too.” 

“i suppose i’ll just have to prove you wrong then.” 

_____

the welcome ball is…tolerable at your side. alhaitham may be the acting grand sage, but sumeru’s international relations would certainly suffer if he was left to his own devices when it came to navigating small talk. 

he’d been in the role long enough to learn not to outright insult other dignitaries, but he was always quick to point out what could be improved or what wasn’t working with little discretion. 

that’s where you come in. you’ve always been inclined to politeness, effortlessly easing yourself into conversations and saving him. he appreciates it, even when he has to watch lord kamisato of inazuma’s tri-commission kiss the back of your hand with the utmost reverence.

perhaps it's his jealousy that prompts him to ask you to dance. or perhaps it’s because if alhaitham had to choose between making a fool out of himself and proving you wrong, or maintaining his dignity and proving you right, he’d choose victory nine times out of ten. 

(he’s quickly realizing that he should have let this be the tenth.) 

the room that was much too hot and crowded came alive with movement as the quartet began the smooth notes of a waltz. 

he’d read up on the basics the night before, studying the correct steps and positions and commiting them to memory. he considered himself well enough informed that he didn’t take kaveh’s offer of a dance lesson. more time on contemplation, less on execution, right?

wrong. he still steps on your toes and dips you on the wrong beats. 

but you, with your starry optimist eyes and unending patience for him, don’t let go of his hand, telling him you’re not going to let him leave until he’s given you a proper dance. 

reminding him with a teasing grin that this is a dictatorship, after all.

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Poor Boy

Alright so, apparently the rule for me is going to be that I have to watch every Only Friends episode multiple times. Because the first watch through is just vibes and pure, unadulterated emotional reactions to whatever is being laid in front of me; and the second watch through I have to keep pausing the show every thirty seconds to make another observation.

I don’t know what it is about Episode 4s but they are always where everything starts kicking in to high gear for me. Now, not sure how many more academic papers I am going to be able to write for the bit for this show, but there are so many things about body language, about hands, about relationship dynamics, about drug use, etc that are swarming in my head at this point. 

In constantly talking some other tumblr users ears off about this show, @lurkingshan tasked me with writing a post about Only Friend’s seventh main character.

The POOR BOY shirt. 

Why? Because god are there already some juicy literal and metaphorical character dynamics at play with this shirt, (at least in my perception) and I have been commanded to discuss them, and if you have not realized it by now I love discussing my silly little gay shows. 

What is initially and primarily intriguing to me is the fact that the Poor Boy shirt ends up making rounds in the show. Sand gives the shirt to Ray → Ray keeps the shirt rather than returning it to Sand → Ray gives the shirt to Mew. 

To each of these characters, the shirt means something different, not only from a place of sentimentality, but from a literal, textual meaning. 

Sand

Sadly, we have not yet seen Sand wear the Poor Boy t-shirt, but he is the original owner. From my view, Sand’s relationship to the t-shirt is fairly simple. It is a literal translation of Sand’s own economic status. Sand is poor, and the Poor Boy t-shirt speaks directly towards his everyday reality. 

Sand’s decision to put Ray in this shirt feels petty. Sand is very aware that Ray is rich. (I mean, his first words to Ray when they wake up the next morning are “you’re up, rich boy?”) Now, obviously we cannot peer in to Sand’s mind about the fashion choices he is making, but the entertainment value of seeing this rich boy in a poor boy shirt was there. In this capacity, the Poor Boy shirt serves as a physical manifestation of the wealth disparity between Sand and Ray. Sand owning that shirt is a literal statement, Ray wearing that shirt is hilariously ironic. 

Or is it? 

Ray

We know (or at least can suspect) that Ray has some sort of alcohol dependence from the very first moment we meet him, based on his ascribed role as The Drunk. On the off chance the initial reaction was not “oh this kid is an alcoholic” the narrative continues to build that aspect of Ray’s character when his second trip to the bar also results in him getting plastered, and when he drinks from a flask in the middle of the day, and when he is constantly seen on screen with a whiskey glass in his hand. 

Now, I will not say that everyone who is an alcoholic drinks as a trauma response, but I will say that there are many people who use substances to cope with life stressors. So, when I see Ray with alcohol constantly, that is an indication to me that there is maybe something more beneath the surface of his party boy aura. 

We learn in Episode 2 that Ray’s mother died and he was present for her death (#trauma). [In case you didn’t notice, Ray’s mother died with an empty glass in her hand and empty liquor bottle at her side.]

Sand jokingly calls Ray out on his motivation for paying Sand to hang out with him: “Now I know. You’re a lonely spoiled rich brat. Your friends left you because they have lovers. That’s why you need a new friend. Your life is dramatic. Poor you.” 

Sand says it teasingly, with a smile on his face. But Ray? Ray turns his back to Sand, takes a long pull from his glass, and heads over to the record player.

Perhaps you know where I am going with this already, but I want to just take a second to review the order of events by which I am going to make my final conclusions about this shirt in relation to Ray. 

Episode 1

Ray is introduced piss drunk and hanging on to the edge of the toilet for dear life, he is quick to anger, he gets drunk at the bar again, he tries to drive home, Sand drives him back to his apartment, he wakes up in the Poor Boy shirt, he gets kicked out of Sand’s apartment for being a #rudeboy, Ray calls Mew, Mew wonders how he got to Sand’s place when Boston said he would take care of Ray. In short, Ray gets extremely drunk, is abandoned by all of his friends, taken home by Sand and as a result is adorned with the Poor Boy t-shirt. 

Episode 2 

Our first Ray sighting in Episode 2 he is sitting outside drinking a nip, alone. No one inside the hostel even questions where he is. Mew is the one that goes outside to check on him, calls out his drinking habits, and tells Ray “I can’t be your emergency staff all the time”. Ray sees Sand selling something on campus and follows him around. He breaks Sand’s plum wine bottles and then offers him 10,000 bhat to just hang out, drink, and listen to music. Sand learns about Ray’s dead mother. Ray goes wakeboarding with the rest of the college pals, Ray tries to help Cheum, makes her ankle hurt worse, and literally the only person that talks to him besides to tell him to stop (Chuem) and to question his ability to help (Top) (aka the only person who engages in casual conversation with Ray) is Mew. Ray has his second hang out with Sand, Sand calls out the fact that Ray’s friends have abandoned him because they all have lovers, he says he will be friends with Ray, and Ray and Sand fuck. 

Episode 3

Episode 3, Ray clings to Sand the morning after, offers to drive him to school, volunteers to handle the music for the pool party (much to the surprise of all of his friends). Ray then spends most of the rest of his screen time either flirting with Sand or simping over Mew. Top belittles Ray, Boston calls out Ray’s crush on Mew and calls Ray’s life dramatic, Ray is left alone at the party and runs in to Sand, offers to take Sand home, starts making out with Sand, and then interrupts the guaranteed dicking down that he just convinced Sand to make an exception for when he pulls himself fully and instantly out of that make out session to answer Mew’s call, pissing off Sand. 

Episode 4

Episode 4 opens with (yet another) show stopping performance by Khaotung (seriously this dude is a powerhouse) where we learn that Ray was at one point actively suicidal and made an attempt. We learn in a very short period of time there that Ray does not have a lover, a sibling, or family that he feels like he can rely on. Mew is his emergency contact because he is the only person who is consistently taking care of Ray. On the phone with Mew, Ray says “If I’m gone, I won’t be anyone’s burden anymore, right?” When Ray breaks down sobbing as Mew holds him, Ray says “No one loves me. I’m all alone. Everyone hates me. My mom never loved me. Her life was ruined because of me. She died because of me. She never hugged me like this, you know? I’m bad luck, Mew. No one loves me!” and it is at this point that we can look back at all these other interactions Ray has had over the three prior episodes and see that two years after his suicide attempt, he is still being called a burden by friends and strangers, he is still alone.

[As an aside: I want to make it extremely clear that there is a lot of juicy complexity to Ray’s dynamic with his friend group. I am not saying that his friends are inherently bad people for the distance they place between themselves and Ray. First, they are college students, second Ray has a lot of mental health and addiction things going on that they are not equipped to handle, and having to constantly manage a friend with an addiction, especially one that can make them escalate situations really quickly (see Ray ready to fight Sand in the bathroom within like, thirty seconds of talking) is challenging. But I am also not going to absolve them entirely of the kind of statements they make about Ray, when they don’t return his ‘i love yous’ when he’s drunk and when they call him a burden, because these are things that were such a strong part of his belief system that they are part of the driving thoughts he verbalizes when he tries to kill himself.]

While it took us fully four episodes to get there, we find that the Poor Boy t-shirt that Ray wakes up wearing in Episode 1, while inaccurate for his literal financial reality, is incredibly, aggressively precise and accurate to Ray’s emotional reality. 

Mew

Cutting back to present day in Episode 4, Mew has been picked up by Ray and brought over to his house to spend the night. Ray’s first action in the scene is to turn to the coat rack he has in his room, pull a white shirt from it, and hand it to Mew to change in to for pajamas. Ray asks Mew why Top didn’t pick him up and Mew states that he did in fact call, but Top was busy fucking Boston helping his dad at the hotel. Ray makes a comment about being a substitute and feeling forgotten when Mew is with Top, Mew tells Ray that he is his most beloved friend, and then he looks at the shirt, turns it around to show Ray and asks:

“Is this yours?”

Now, I assume Ray is aware of what shirt he gave Mew to wear, but there is something disconnected in what I am reading from Ray’s reaction to seeing Mew hold up the shirt. 

To me it seems a bit like Ray is...not surprised, but perhaps uncertain? He knows that shirt is Sand’s but he has spent all this time at the party trying to convince Mew that he isn’t interested in Sand, that there is no attraction between them, because Ray is still hung up on Mew and some part of him is hoping there is a chance. Ray lets Mew tease him “Poor boy, seriously? How dare you wear this?”

Ray remains quiet, until Mew once again presses Ray about getting together with Sand.

 “Why don’t you hit on Sand? I think he’s lovely” (preface- I do not know Thai, but I do know that ‘narak’ typically means cute. Mew definitely says ‘narak’ when he refers to Sand, but it is translated as lovely so the caption may not be completely accurate). “I want you to have a boyfriend. Dating a musician is freaking cool.”

Now, there are a couple things I see at play in this moment. First, I am pretty certain that Mew is still very much aware of Ray’s crush on him. I think the casual comments Mew makes about Top being the first person to make his heart tremble and how heavily he is pushing Ray to ask Sand out or even to just try to figure out if Ray does genuinely have interest in Sand are ways for Mew to kindly, gently remind Ray that he does not reciprocate any romantic feelings. 

Secondly, Mew is and will be commenting on traits that apply to either himself or adjacently to Ray. When Mew says dating a musician is freaking cool, we know he is referring to Sand who is actually a musician. But for Ray, who is desperately in love with Mew, is it too far of a stretch for Ray to believe that Mew’s sentiment may also apply to people with really strong tastes and interests in music?

Third, Boston has stirred up some resolve in Ray from the party, trying to convince him that he needs to tell Mew that he is interested, to even have a fighting chance at maybe getting Mew to date him. So he lies: 

“No. I don’t want to be in a relationship just yet. Besides, Sand isn’t my type.” 

Something I absolutely love about Only Friends so far is that no one is telling the truth 100% of the time, but also no one is lying 100% of the time and we don’t yet know enough about most of the characters here to be completely certain which parts they are being truthful about. Nick is lying to Boston, or at least keeping secrets from him (he did not tell Boston he bugged the car), but he will fully, easily, and readily admit to Sand that he bugged the car and recorded Boston and Top having sex. He will fully, easily, and readily admit that he is nasty and also that he isn’t trying to blackmail Top. Top will omit the information that he slept with Boston, but he will admit to drug use and pull a baggie of coke out of his pocket to show Mew. Some of my mutuals are still in debates around how much Top is lying, including whether or not he is telling the truth about the fire he was in as a child, etc. 

In this case for this scene with Mew, we know Ray is lying about not wanting to be in a relationship. He does want to be in a relationship…with Mew. But is he lying about Sand not being his type? It would certainly track, considering Ray was the one that initiated the sexual relationship between them and continued to pursue it. Yet at the same time, Ray is stopping in the middle of a make out session, disregarding Sand’s feelings entirely, and taking Mew’s call. And Sand’s lack of wealth is something Ray has exploited or tried to exploit on multiple occasions. (Which is in part why it is very important to recognize the second Sand realizes he may actually be enjoying Ray’s company, that he rejects all offers of money from Ray).

As Mew continues to talk, he continues to state advice that could apply to himself: “Don’t set your standards too high.” Ray is a drunken mess of a college boy, and if Mew is telling him not to set his standards too high, wouldn’t it also be possible that Mew could see Ray as a lower standard and still decide to date him? 

“Just date someone who loves you and takes care of you.” Mew is the only person that really seems to take care of Ray at this point. Boston abandoned him, Cheum doesn’t really interact with him all that much, Top hates him, etc. When Ray attempted suicide Mew said he loved him, when Ray attempted suicide Mew said he would always be there for him. Mew has supported Ray for so long, Mew has taken care of Ray for so long. And now Mew is casually naming the qualities of his good friendship to Ray as a recommendation of how to find someone to date. 

So to me, it makes total sense that Ray would try to kiss Mew and admit his feelings. 

But why is the Poor Boy shirt relevant to Mew? 

Because there is someone else we have seen take care of Ray multiple times already…

Sand. 

The OPB (original poor boy). 

Sand says he can differentiate between love and lust, but the ease at which he relents to Ray’s puppy dog eyes, the speed by which is is made upset at being abandoned by Ray, the safeguards he has in place that he is constantly undermining, we know that if Sand is not already in love with Ray he will be getting there fast.

In my opinion, the Poor Boy shirt acts not as any form of physical or emotional commentary for Mew’s state specifically, but serves instead as Ray subconsciously projecting Sand on to Mew. Despite how quickly and strongly Ray has been drawn towards Sand in recent episodes, despite the good vibes, and good sex they’ve had going on, despite their mutual attraction to one another and some matching interests, Ray has given this reminder of the first care Sand provided (despite throwing him out after Ray gave him an attitude) to Mew. And it’s not like Ray hasn’t had the opportunity to give Sand back his t-shirt. Ray and Sand have hung out there at least twice and fucked each other in Ray’s bedroom. But Ray hung on to the shirt, why? 

Sand’s shirt on Mew’s body is misplaced, either as a subconscious acknowledgement of his growing interest in Sand or as a way for Ray to physically place reminders of the care and attention Sand has been giving him on to Mew, who Ray is still crushing on, even as Mew has slowly started to pry himself away from the responsibility of taking care of Ray.

And as we approach the end of Episode 4, we see Ray start to realign his expectations, settling in to the reality that Mew has not, does not, and never will like him romantically. We are introduced for the first time, to a physical, tangible object that Ray owns that is connected to Mew and to Ray’s relationship with Mew as a result. Ray sits in the tub, the same tub he tried to die in two years ago, the same tub Mew held him in two years ago and told him he loved him and promised to always be there for him.

Ray thinks about what this pendant symbolizes, the words Mew told him when he gifted it to Ray: “You are the brightness, you are a ray of sunshine. You should be hot and lively.” Ray says at the beginning that his friends hate him, that he is all alone. So I don’t think it is a far stretch of the imagination by any means to say that Mew may be one of the first if not the first person in years to make Ray feel like he was loved, valued, supported, and understood. 

And it is not surprising as a result of that that Ray would fall in love with Mew, especially if Ray’s addiction has been ongoing for years and he has been a difficult person to maintain friendship with. 

Ray has crossed boundaries and suffered immediate consequences as a result, but those consequences included finally hearing directly from Mew that his feelings have not changed over the last two years. Ray is drunk 99.9% of the time, that doesn’t mean he’s blacked out by any means, but it does mean that frequently his judgment is going to be inhibited. It is highly likely, in my eyes, that Ray needed the direct admission rather than Mew’s gentle rejections over the last two years. 

With Mew finally voicing his regard of Ray as only a friend, Ray is now able to re-evaluate the advice Mew gave to Ray at the beginning of the episode, and consider who else (besides Mew himself) Mew’s statements might apply to. The answer, of course, was staring him in the face the entire time. With the Poor Boy shirt removed from Mew’s back, Ray is forced to understand the shirt more as a physical tie to Sand, like the keychain is a physical tie to Mew. 

(hehe this angle makes it look like it says Poo Boy or Poop Boy) 

Ray looks at the shirt and thinks back to the record shop not-a-date with Sand, the honesty Sand had with him, the ease at which Sand shared information about himself, his interests, the gentleness with which Sand treated Ray, even just placing the headphone on him. Ray thinks of the song they listened to together, titled เรา which translates to “we” and he makes his choice. 

Looking forward: I am curious if this shirt will continue to make its rounds, with Top having recently fucked Boston, there is also a total possibility that Mew is being branded as the Next Poor Boy whose life will fall apart as truths are revealed and consequences enacted. 

Thank you to @lurkingshan for edits and observations!

[compassionatereminders]

Hi! I wanted to answer the anon who was asking about what ADHD meds do & don’t help with as someone who was late-diagnosed and started meds this year. However, the effect of ADHD meds and even experience of ADHD itself varies heavily from person to person, so do keep that in mind!

DO:

- Actually hearing and retaining what people are saying. I was never able to fully experience a college lecture without panic because of only hearing bits and bobs of the lecture, going in one ear and out the other. I can truly focus and actually respond to what people are saying in a single line of thought without desperately trying to stimulate myself as much as possible to maybe get 1/2 of the detail to stick in my brain.

- Time blindness!! At first starting meds it felt like the day went for 500 years. I felt so much slower and mentally calmer, and I was able to complete “simple” tasks in under 15-20 minutes that could normally take me up to 3 hours due to distractions.

- Memory! Off my meds I have an enormously hard time remembering anything I’m trying to accomplish. I bounce from task to task without ever finishing it. On meds I’m able to think “I need to do laundry” and I just. Do the fucking laundry. It’s magical and I’ve cried more than once thinking about how much I’ve spent my life thinking I’m stupid or lazy for not being able to “just do the thing” like everyone else.

- Shutting down/fearful procrastination— I would be stuck doing nothing for days and days because I would want to do a task so badly but overly think about it and essentially paralyze myself in the decision making/getting started process. When I’m on my meds I can just do the fucking thing! Even if I don’t really feel like it! When before I practically had to have the exact perfect circumstance and could never create them, I can just plop myself somewhere and do the fucking thing. Just like I’ve been told all my life— “Even if you don’t want to, do it anyways” except now I have the actual ability to do that like everyone else. Before it was like everyone else was telling me to turn on a light, but I had no switch.

DON’T:

- Help with hyperfixation. Sometimes I can fixate even worse when I’m on my meds, just because my mind is so single stream that I’m able to do things for even more excessive periods. I burn myself out accidentally a lot quicker if I don’t provide myself with manual distractions to take breaks from daily/academic tasks.

- Immediately fix you. It was hard to start meds because I had to unlearn a lot of habits I had developed to cope with my undiagnosed ADHD— such as constantly moving, stimulating myself, having candy, etc. Just because the day became longer didn’t mean my time management became awesome either. I’m still working on tools that help ADHD with my meds!

- Not really a don’t but more so an unexpected side effect was becoming very intensely angry or upset when the medicine wears off. I struggle with emotional dysfunction already but the anger was so severe and I didn’t know that ADHD meds wearing off can cause that.

- Work 100% all of the time. Some days things like stress, poor sleep, poor diet, etc, can alter the way the same dose of meds works for you. Especially if you are nicotine dependent or a regular caffeine consumer, the way your meds work can change on a day by day basis. Some days I feel like the meds aren’t working at all, but more often than not there’s still a difference between myself being unmedicated and medicated.

- Instantly make you better at studying/task completion. Apparently having ADHD for years made me so extremely avoidant of many things that I just don’t have the skill set to do them well yet. Like studying, for example. I still struggle with extreme perfectionism that impedes me outside of ADHD paralysis.

- I’m gonna say it twice but they DONT FIX YOU ON THEIR OWN. Yes, they make your life fucking way better than before especially if you’re an adult with undiagnosed ADHD, but you have to learn how to use tools and learn skills to support yourself for the medication to help you to the max capability! I will definitely say that being on meds helped overhaul my mindset when I’m off meds and improved my perception of myself, but again, the meds can only get me so far!

I hope this helped anon!!!

Thank you for taking the time to share this! I hope anon sees it 💕

[cellarspider]

The Prometheus rant, Part 0/30

⛬ | (Index) | (Next)

I have promised a dissection of the movie Prometheus. It begins.

So, to summarize, and give you a taste of what we're in for. 

I am a geneticist with a background in history, including some undergraduate archaeological field work. I'm deeply interested in linguistics as a hobby. Prometheus manages to be stupid in every one of these fields.

But I absolutely love H.R. Giger aesthetic, the cinematography is beautiful, and whoever did the editing was absolutely solid because the movie consistently cuts slow scenes at moments when the cuts feel just slightly jarring. It’s a very subtle way to maintain tension.

The soundtrack holds the intended tone well, the practical effects are numerous and impressive, and even though their story completely undermines it, they got an actual academic linguist to work with them on the language stuff: the guy actually has a speaking role in the film, as a virtual tutor of a reconstructed language he taught to one of the actors.

And on top of all that, there's at least one scene in the movie which is just unbelievably tense and well-executed body horror. It’s the scene everybody mentions as a highlight when they talk about the movie. So, it's a successful movie in so many ways.

But.

The writing does not back this up. There are stretches that are fine, even elevated by some of the performances. But you can feel the movie shift any time a scene has plot relevance, or a character is supposed to do their job. 

Unlike Alien, where the main cast making dumb decisions is believable because they're a bunch of space cargo haulers and maintenance people who are not supposed to have any relevant expertise for the situation they find themselves in, Prometheus' characters are supposed to be scientists, doctors, and the best a trillionaire could buy for a mission that he expected would

make first contact between technologically modern humans and a race of aliens that had visited Earth thousands of years ago

convince said aliens to give him the secret to eternal youth, because he's an old rich asshole

so when things start going wrong, I felt less like "oh no these poor bastards don't know what the fuck they're getting into" and more like "THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR CONTAMINATING AN ALIEN ARCHAEOLOGICAL SITE YOU BASTARDS"

this approximately culminates in a scene where the last surviving alien on the planet is woken from two thousand years of emergency stasis, gets talked at in something very much like Proto-Indo-European by Michael Fassbender at the behest of the old rich asshole, while a woman screams in English in the background. The alien proceeds to rip Fassbender's head off and beats the old man to death with it, which is just the funniest goddamn thing

That’s the TL;DR. Yes, really.

The actual rant will start next time.  Well. Part One of the rant. This is going to be a multi-parter, because I want anyone who follows me on this journey to understand how the movie builds up into such a mess, and get some actual science out of this.

⛬ | (Index) | (Next)

[pallastrology]

FAQ: how to use astrology

artwork by frederic edwin church

disclaimer: there are, of course, many branches of astrology going back many hundreds of years, all with many uses depending on who you ask. location matters hugely too! different cultures and areas have, and do, use astrology differently. i have no experience outside of the uk so can't comment on this however. in this post, i'm talking about modern tropical astrology. as always, take what works and leave the rest <3

traditionally, astrology has been used for everything from academic research, medicine, informing politicians and farmers alike, and was considered an important science. nowadays, it has a poor reputation in some circles but is still a useful tool for lots of people, if used very differently. these days, it's mostly used on a personal level; astrologers still study carefully and make predictions about various sectors and generational changes, but the 'general user' is more likely to see astrology as some of the following:

a tool for psychoanalysis and self-development: this is how i got into astrology properly, as someone with a budding interest in psychology and a desire to improve my self-knowledge. learning about your natal chart, what the placements mean and how they interact with each other (and even with the placements of other people in your life) can be a really valuable tool for introspection and reflection, and ultimately, self-development and growth.

a tool for divination: this could be a post in and of itself, but to keep it quick, using astrology as a divination tool can be really helpful. keeping track of certain transits, like retrogrades, lunar transits, returns or just the daily movements of the planets and points around us can help us plan our time better, perform more effective rituals, be aware of when the time is (and isn't) right to make a big move, and feel more confident in our decisions.

part of a spiritual practice: this could be witchcraft, a religious or spiritual path you're on, or you just like to work with the moon. for example, you might want to incorporate elements of your placements in a spell, or perform a ritual during a certain lunar transit. you might use astrology in more of an 'old-fashioned' way in the form of an almanac, or avoid certain practices during mercury retrograde.

how i use astrology myself: i use it daily, as both a divination and a psychoanalytical tool. every month i consult my transits and jot down all the major/interesting ones in my planner, along with lunar transits as i love the moon lol. i use those transits to plan out certain activities, for example, a house clean every new moon, allowing extra travel time during mercury retrograde, carving out some time to relax and rest during certain lunar transits. i also feel i 'know what to expect' a bit, having done this (not as consistently as i'd have liked) for years, so for example i'm aware of how mercury retrograde affects me personally and can tailor my advice to myself a bit by now. i also consider astrology an integral part of my own spiritual practice, and i use it 'academically' to inform my tarot studies. never mind using it for this blog and for readings etc... it's definitely an important part of my daily life :-)

at the end of the day, whatever works for you, is what works for you. how do you use astrology day-to-day, if you aren't an astrologer? is it a big part of your life, or a bit of fun? how did you get into astrology, and was it a 'gateway' for you?

[cookinguptales]

Y'know, I post a lot on tumblr about what a shit Guillermo is, and I stand by that. He is a marvelous little shit. But honestly I only talk about it so much because people on tumblr and AO3 send me so many messages about how he's never done anything wrong in his life. When I'm presented with the opposite, that Guillermo is uniquely awful and selfish and he victimizes the poor uwu vampires (thinkpieces that you saw a lot more often during s3) I am fully like "I STAND BY EVERY DECISION THAT FOOLISH MAN HAS EVER MADE."

Being real with you, I feel like talking about Guillermo like he's totally blameless and put-upon or like he's totally selfish and wholly evil flattens a really complex and interesting character. He's selfish and self-involved and cruel and sweet and insecure and giving. He's all those things, and I love that about him.

I love Guillermo as a character because he has these carefully constructed categories in his head, these rules and boundaries that he sticks to like glue. He contains multitudes, and it's because he carefully follows the rules he has in his own head, even when they don't make a lot of sense to others.

I think the best way to think about Guillermo's actions is to think about him having two very different sets of rules for in-groups and out-groups. He will bend over backward for people in his in-group, will be the kindest, most patient, sweetest man in the world -- but he can be downright vicious to people in the out-group.

This is a pretty common occurrence IRL, though not always to the degree that Guillermo does it... I mean, you're going to treat your best friend's birthday differently than you're gonna treat a stranger's, right? When you start seeing it happen the way Guillermo does it, though, it's often to create and preserve power. You see it in politics, high school cliques, religion, etc.

For example, let's take new religious movements (or NRMs, i.e. "cults".) They are famous for this behavior. When you create distinct in-groups and out-groups and can behave very differently towards both, you give your followers a strong incentive to stay in the in-group. It makes them feel like they're the "good" ones, the superior ones, the ones with power. The ones that belong. And when they see out-groups being mistreated, well. No one wants to be in the group with no power who's mistreated, y'know? It simultaneously gives people in the in-group a sense of community, belonging, and social superiority and makes them afraid to leave.

But really, you see it all the time. If you have a "good" group that you can never harm and a "bad" group that you can do anything to, that really helps prop up power structures in a lot of ways. Look, I'm not going to get into this too much more because you don't want a freaking academic lecture on your dash, but suffice it to say that I think Guillermo is largely using his in-groups and out-groups in this way, mentally speaking.

He has in-groups (his friends, his family, his boyfriend, the vampires he lives with) and out-groups (literally everyone else, including other vampires) and he badly mistreats the out-groups because he does not want to be one of them. I've noticed he's particularly awful to human prey that reminds him of himself (nerdy, socially awkward, powerless, virginal) and I think that's because he wants to distance himself from them. He wants to make sure no one mistakes him as being part of that group, so he very strongly pushes them into his out-group by not only killing them, but making fun of them and often making sure they suffer before they die.

And then he's even more slavishly devoted to his in-groups, partially because he does truly love them, but partially because he desperately wants to stay in those groups. Or because he's trying to protect his own hide.

I don't mean to say that every kind thing he does is calculated -- I do think he very genuinely wants to make the people he loves happy -- but there's a sort of desperation to it sometimes. When he does these kind things, sometimes it's this desperate bid to be valued and accepted by others in his in-group, which makes him feel like he's earned his place there.

I've noticed that Guillermo has a tendency to do things for people to stay in their good graces (buying his mom a fridge, doing chores for Nandor, giving Derek money) when what they actually want is his time and attention. There often is a vibe that he's trying to earn his way into a group he doesn't quite feel entitled to when actually he's already very much a part of the group and he just needs to maintain those relationships. It's insecurity, frankly, and a nervous sort of self-preservation.

In fact... I'd say that Guillermo's greatest emotional struggles often come when trying to reconcile (and protect) different members of his in-group because he's trying to reconcile (and protect!!!) the different parts of himself.

Like... when he protected Jeremy, he was protecting a friend, but also the idea that some weak, virginal nerds are not prey. He had to protect this member of his in-group, partially because he loved him, but partially because he had to protect himself by extension. If Jeremy could be an exception to the predator-prey dynamics, so could he. Some humans could be valuable.

When he protected his fellow familiars during the familiar fights, he was protecting fellow humans whom he thought had "earned" a better life (and death) than prey humans, but he was also protecting the idea that a familiar could be loved and valued. He was protecting himself and the hope that Nandor would love him.

When he protected his family, he was protecting his beloved family members, but also the idea that vampires and slayers could coexist. Of course he doesn't want his family to die, but he's also doesn't want his hopes that he can have it all to die with them.

Let's all be real with each other here. Guillermo kills humans, and he does so without compunction. He is able to utterly dehumanize prey humans because he has a vested interest in emotionally distancing himself from them. But he gets kind of freaked out when the humans that he has mentally removed from that prey group (his friends, his family, people "like him") are not placed into that same exempt group by others. And this is definitely because he wants to protect those he loves!

But it's also because it means that he isn't special, either.

Let's talk about Freddie, who I think is probably the most complicated example of all this in the entire show. (Save perhaps Derek, who could probably get an entire post to himself because he went from out-group to in-group without Guillermo's consent.) When Freddie first arrived at the house, Nandor mistook him for prey. This understandably freaked Guillermo out, partially because he wanted to protect his boyfriend and partially because it was violating Guillermo's group dynamics.

(Insert meta here about Freddie representing Guillermo's ability to have a happy life outside of the weird, insular one he'd created for himself prior to s4.)

Freddie ended up being kind of special, though, because Guillermo considered him to be part of his in-group and Nandor considered him an out-group until he realized that Guillermo valued him. And then Nandor wanted him to not just be part of his in-group, but a portion of it separate from (but simultaneously representing) Guillermo. It's complicated!!

So we had Freddie 1 who was Guillermo's and Freddie 2 who was Nandor's, but... in the end, Freddie really belonged to no one but himself, right? In the end, he very literally chose himself. He left the -group dynamic altogether.

So Freddie is moving in and out of these groups like a fuckin' oiled-up eel that Guillermo cannot keep a hold of, and that really challenges his control issues as well as his ability to feel like he belongs in the in-groups he's created. It challenges his ability to feel worthy and loved and like he belongs anywhere. It challenges his ability to have faith that he'll ever become a vampire. Suddenly he does not control these groups anymore. If anything, they're controlling him.

While a lot of Guillermo's angst at the end of s4 was about, y'know, normal heartbreak... I think a lot of that was happening, too. He was really seeing the abrupt overturning of the carefully established rules and groups and boundaries and power differentials in his head, and that made him just want to be free of the whole thing.

So he took a step out of all of his preconceptions about what he did and did not have to do to belong in these groups, and took hold of his own destiny.

...unfortunately.

Guillermo's decisions in s4, both regarding his family and his turning, really did permanently shake up a lot of the group dynamics in the show. For better? For worse? (FOR GOOD...? lmao) It's hard to say, honestly. But I'm eager to see how he irons it all out in his head!

Our able-to-self-justify-literally-anything bitch. 💜