#i went. this term brings me comfort it makes me feel accepted and loved

[kitkatisvibing]

hi guys a grownass adult on tiktok is calling me transphobic and an animal abuser because i said the term rabies pride brings me comfort

i think im going to uninstall tiktok

[v-anrouge]

Verryyy long ranting under this about vil and how this fandom treats him for absolutely no reason pls excuse any mistakes and feel free to correct me with any accidental misinfo i passed <3

Mentions of racism, fatphobia, eating disorders, elitism & ableism and also SPOILERS for Vil's character story (eng only)

Ever since this game started getting super famous in tiktok and twitter it seems that people just love to butcher literally every character in Twst and sometimes it's genuinely baffling how wrong some of the takes are, it really does make me wonder if some people just don't read the story and just skip every character who isn't their fave, and if they really do that, what makes them think they know enough about the rest of the cast to post in the character's main tag the most rancid read on a character, often accompanied by some accusations of literal crimes of bigotry that really should be taken more seriously instead of being terms thrown around.

I'm gonna be talking about Vil specifically but characters like Leona, Jamil, Sebek and a few others have it exceptionally bad as well (especially Leo and Jamil who's haters can even be quite racist)

I've been playing for a very long time (in eng) i remember being there to watch the Heartslabyul final release and the release of Savanaclaw's chapter and through these years ive seen the most horrific takes on Vil's characters, ranging from the accusations of racism (which have been debunked again and again especially by JP players) to accusations of supporting eds, fatphobia, elitism and ableism. The funny thing is that even with a very quick read of any of Vil's story you'll find out there is no support for any of such claims. They like to use the incident with Epel's accent when for years JP players have pointed out how this was strictly an error of localization since they couldn't find a situation similar to the one that is portrayed in the original game to put in eng twst, they went with the one we have where Vil asks Epel to "hide his accent" (he really doesn't he was talking about the way Epel is rude and disrespectful which would definitely end with him being beat up and then expelled bringing a bad fame to Pomefiore and also making Vil look bad for not properly guiding his dorm students) which is a terrible choice but alas it seems people prefer to ignore facts to stick with their claim that Vil is some sort of monster when this man is literally a teen. He's 18 years old and has to constantly look out for his image in and out of school since he grew up in front of the cameras.

Vil's character is all about beauty and self care and self acceptance yet for some people this seems to translate to "starve yourself if you don't want to be a disgusting fat pig" which is very weird to say the least considering all mentions Vil makes about diets he is talking about keeping a balanced diet to nurture your body and even has a voice line pointing out the importance of eating. Vil himself may be coded to have an ED in his overblot and Lab vignette but he has never and would never encourage one, he literally goes out of his way to annoy students to take care of themselves what makes anyone think he'd encourage them anyways? It's such a weird thing to assume of a character.

A lot of people seem to think that Vil is also the "beauty standart" king which doesn't even make sense considering vil is a gnc man, he already doesn't follow beauty standards and would definitely be against it, Vil's vision of beauty for himself may be twisted due to his traumas and troubles yet his vision of beauty for others is always exclusively on the person being their best version, this includes dressing how they want to and feel comfortable in, using whatever makeup they want (or just not using it at all) etc.

The way Vil speaks is often misunderstood as he tends to be strict and can be read as mean (I've already shared my theory on what may have caused this behavior here before so i won't be getting into too many details) but Vil is a famous and respected housewarden because if you actually stop and think about his advice the end result is always an effort to make the person's desires come true. (a good example is how Vil made Epel clean the windows and although Epel was displeased with the hard labor in the end he notices how the task may help with muscle growth and gets happy)

Vil's way of caring for others is often misunderstood and obviously that's understandable, not everybody may get his "rougher" way of handling advice, but also it's a bit weird how people react to it when in game all of the characters seem to be okay with it, Pomefiore has a lot of students and if they considered Vil to be a bad leader he would've been voted out a long time ago, no? And if i remember correctly wasn't it said in game they had very few transfers? (as in characters moving out of Pomefiore and into other dorms) That wouldn't make sense if Vil was really the cruel leader some people make him out to be. The truth is Vil is a nice caring person and his students recognize that which is why he is respected all across the school and not simply on his dorm (because ive seen people say Vil has brainwashed the Pomefiore students into thinking he is a good housewarden 💀)

Vil surely has issues he needs to work through, after all this game is literally about that, dealing with troubled teenagers and their internal struggles and the importance of asking for help (omg friendship is magic...) but Vil is also a teenager, and he is one of the characters that show the most desire to get better, immediately showing regret and apologizing to Yuu and his classmates for the danger he put them in, that is because Vil genuinely does care for them.

Another accusation people make is ableism, i remember seeing many posts saying Vil wouldn't respect disabled people and/or mentally ill people which is 1- extremely fucking rude to say? 2- absolutely wrong. Again just a quick read on Vil's character will tell you everything you need to know about how he'd feel about disabled people, he'd treat them like everyone else, and would adjust his handling accordingly to their needs, i really don't get where this claim comes from but it's quite ironic because a lot of Vil haters tend to be ableist themselves by claiming that Vil is a bad person mentioning traits that are often caused by mental illness and the effect of traumas, failing to analyze how their treatment of a character that displays common mental illness symptoms may affect people in real life who displays the same symptoms, and often being ableist themselves by judging these actions irredeemable and inherently evil/heartless, once again dehumanizing people with mental illness in real life who deal with the same symptoms.

Another common thing is the constant invalidation of Vil's trauma. A lot of people seem to read book 5 with their eyes closed and take away from the story that the reason Vil "got pissy and almost killed a guy" (wording of a terrible post i saw a few days ago<333) is because he's a "spoiled brat who couldn't handle getting the paper he wanted in a movie boo hoo" which is kind of funny with how terribly wrong it is, i really don't know what your thought process has to be to get his backstory this wrong but sure, let's start; The start of Vil's problems with being cast as a villain starts from when he was very very young, he was just a child when after being cast as a villain for a movie he was almost beat up by a group of boys for being an "evil guy" and by his reaction it wouldn't be impossible that this wasn't his first time dealing with that kind of thing. Vil also tells jack (who scared away the group) that he had trained so he would be able to deal with them on his own which again, could be a hint that this wasn't that uncommon in his life. In Vil's overblot dialogue is all we really need to know to debunk this claim.

What Vil wanted wasn't just to be a hero in a movie, he wanted to be seen, to be heard and cherished, he wanted to be more than a pretty prop they could put on the front to get attention only to be taken out of stage when he was no longer necessary in the next scene, do you get it? He wanted to be able to see his hard work pay off, to see his efforts of years being rewarded, to for once not be exchangeable for someone more favorable. Vil wanted to feel like all his pain was worth it in the end because finally he could shine in the stage, being himself instead of just another persona to attract people. In his overblot it's shown clearer than ever that Vil does not have a stable view of his own image unlike what he has trained himself to show, even calling himself ugly and begging them to not look at him. I don't think Vil is used to be being vulnerable, which would explain why he was so freaked out when the overblot happened, and why he cried when his beauty (the one thing about himself that was always recognized by others and therefore the thing he'd always been the most desperate to nurture) was taken away by aging in book 6 (note; the fact Vil sacrificed it for his classmates also just debunks the people saying he only cares for himself, if he did he wouldn't be who he is.)

I said i wouldn't give my thoughts again but i will, just briefly, i believe an easy explanation to Vil's behavior (the tough love he gives and his strictness) might be because of the industries he grew up in, we can't know for sure how similar twst's version of the movie and modeling industry is when compared to the real life one but considering the way Vil is, my guess it's that it's pretty similar, especially in the regard of their treatment towards children, in Vil's overblot he hears two staff members talking about how he'd never be able to pull off a relatable role because he is too perfect, and sure those may not look like insults, but to Vil who's only dream his entire life was to be seen in good light, those words stuck to him so deeply they'd come back to him during his overblot. (note; i have not seen a jp translation of the overblot scenes so i don't know if they also suffered from localization issues, if anyone has a link to one i could see id really like to see what the staff said to Vil)

The general point of Vil's overblot was how his efforts and hard work were always overlooked and ignored in favor of someone else, this happens with quite a lot of characters and happens as well with another overblot (Leona, who happens to be quite similar to Vil in many ways) and although i don't expect anyone to read it and think of analysing it more deeply even with a shallow vision of his overblot it's still incredibly insensitive to call it a "non-problem" especially considering the fact this is Vil's ENTIRE life, he's been working hard and failing for years again and again and that does get to you. I remember when i posted my first rant on Vil quite a lot of people who reported to be skilled at something (say for example music or dancing) as a child that any failures absolutely destroyed you inside, and that people who haven't passed through the same tend to call them dramatic and say they're overreacting to situations that can be classified as trauma depending on how much it mentally impacted said child. (and in Vil's case it's clear it had a massive one, after all he wouldn't have overblotted if he didn't have issues that had been bottled up until they finally exploded)

Mentioning Leona again, he and Vil share the same sentiment of anguish for being discarded and having their hard work be thrown away, the difference in them is the way they reacted to it, while Leona ended up not seeing any value in attempting to do anything because he assumes the outcome is always going to be the same, Vil overworks himself and forces himself to do things he might hate clinging to the hope that this time it'll work out.

Since we're talking about trauma ill already answer some things that may or may not come with this post (because in my first one i got this response a lot) "Vil's a fictional character it doesn't matter" and sure if you think like that cool, personally, when im talking about a fictional character that tackles real life traumas and issues, i talk about it as if referring to a real person because the character has been written with one (or multiple) in mind.

Twst may have issues but the character writing is undeniably about real life traumas and experiences, and the characters are quite accurate and good representation of the issues they tackle, so when you invalidate them, you are by result invalidating real life issues. Of course this won't stop anyone and i know that a few people will probably scoff at this and brush it off as being too sensitive but personally if you wouldn't dare invalidate say for example Riddle's traumas because you know it's a representation of mommy issues, which is a very real problem, to not go against your own morals you should also respect the issues of all the other characters, even if you personally think some are more "serious" than the other.

[gojoidyll]

hihihi hruuu

Could you pretty please write something where megumi accidentally makes reader cry and then immediately feels bad abt it because I love megumi and I also love hurt/comfort

It's been awhile since I wrote anything for Fushiguro, so I hope I don't disappoint <3

Fushiguro x Reader, Hurt/Comfort

“No, I would never date them. They’re too annoying. Always so loud and clingy too. I would be exhausted just dealing with them.”

“Hey! Isn’t that a bit harsh? Even for you.”

Fushiguro merely rolled his eyes. What started as a meaningless conversation at a sleepover in your room quickly turned into gossiping. And, like any sleepover, love was in the air as Kugisaki and Itadori couldn’t help but to bring up the topic when you left to get more popcorn for the group.

“So, you’re telling me that you feel absolutely nothing for them?”

“Yeah, aren’t you two childhood friends?”

“They merely clung to me throughout school. Nothing more, nothing less.”

As for you? You were waiting behind the door, listening to everything. You didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but it was your room after all. How were you supposed to know that your childhood best friend, the exact same person you had a long-time crush on, was telling your other friends how annoying you are and that a relationship between you two will be nonexistent from now and long into the future.

You stood behind the door, frozen in shock, as Fushiguro's words hit you like a ton of bricks. The popcorn in your hands suddenly felt heavy, and your heart sank as you realized that your feelings for him were not reciprocated. Tears welled up in your eyes, but you quickly wiped them away, not wanting your friends to see you upset.

Taking a deep breath, you composed yourself and walked back into the room, trying to act as if you hadn't heard anything. But the atmosphere had changed, and Fushiguro's words lingered in the air, casting a shadow over the rest of the night.

As the evening wore on, you tried to act normal, laughing at jokes and joining in the conversations. But inside, you were hurting, trying to come to terms with the fact that Fushiguro saw you only as a clingy childhood friend, nothing more.

Eventually, the sleepover came to an end, and your friends left, leaving you alone in your room. You sat on your bed, staring at the ceiling, feeling a mix of sadness and anger. How could Fushiguro say those things about you? Didn't he know how much you cared about him?

But deep down, you knew that you couldn't force someone to feel a certain way about you. You had to accept that Fushiguro didn't see you in the same light that you saw him. It was a painful realization, but one that you knew you had to come to terms with.

As you lay in bed, thoughts swirling in your head, you made a decision. You wouldn't let Fushiguro's words define you. You would continue to be the kind, caring person that you were, regardless of how he saw you. And maybe, just maybe, someday he would see you in a different light. But until then, you would focus on loving yourself and moving forward, even if it meant letting go of your feelings for him.

Though, you did worry about what tomorrow would bring…

The next day weighed heavily on your mind as you tried to push away thoughts of Fushiguro's words. You couldn't shake the feeling of hurt and betrayal, even though you knew deep down that he had the right to his own feelings.

As you went about your day, you couldn't help but notice the looks from your friends. They seemed to sense that something was off, but you brushed off their concerns with a forced smile. You didn't want to burden them with your feelings, especially when it seemed like they were already tiptoeing around you.

During classes, you found it hard to concentrate, your mind wandering back to the sleepover and the conversation you overheard. (You were also surprised that no one seemed to bother you, not even Gojo-sensei.) You wondered if Fushiguro regretted his words or if he even realized how much they had hurt you. But you pushed those thoughts away, knowing that dwelling on them would only make you feel worse.

After school and a short mission, you decided to take a walk to clear your head. The cool breeze and the sound of birds chirping provided some solace, and you found yourself reflecting on your friendship with Fushiguro. Despite everything, you knew that your bond was strong, and you hoped that it would endure this rough patch.

As you walked, you made a decision. You would confront Fushiguro and tell him how his words had made you feel. You didn't expect him to reciprocate your feelings, but you wanted him to know the impact of his words. You needed closure, even if it meant facing more pain.

When you arrived at your room, you found Fushiguro waiting for you outside your door, a solemn expression on his face. He looked like he had been waiting for this moment, and you knew that it was time to have a difficult conversation.

You had been distant and out of it all day, and Fushiguro noticed. As you approached your dorm room, he called out to you, his voice tinged with concern. As you had got closer you found that you didn’t have the courage to face him yet despite hiding how you felt really well so far.

"Can we talk?"

You ultimately decided to face him, and the concern in his eyes softened your resolve to run away. You nodded, silently inviting him to speak. But you didn't dare open you door. You didn't want to let him in there again. Not yet at least. Whatever he had to say can be done in the hallway (you just hoped Kugisaki wouldn't walk by...).

"You've been acting strange all day. Is everything okay?"

At his words, you finally felt your resolve break as the tears immediately started falling. One second you were fine, but the next moment your eyes felt wet, and seeing you break out into tears caused his eyes to widen, “What-“

"I overheard what you said last night, Fushiguro. About me being annoying and clingy. It really hurt,” your voice sounded shaky as you tried to speak.

“I-“

“I know I can be a bit much sometimes, but I really thought you were my friend, and to think that I- I actually loved you too.”

Fushiguro's expression fell, realizing the impact of his words.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it.”

“Then why did you say it.”

“I don’t like those two getting in my personal business, and, well, you already know what it’s like trying to get me to open up,” he smiled slightly, trying to make a joke as he nudged his foot with yours.

“Yeah, you’re an absolute ass sometimes.”

“Only sometimes.”

You frowned, but the tension between you had already started to dissipate, “you’re right, I meant all the time.”

Fushiguro squeezed your hand gently. "I'll try to be better. I value our friendship more than anything. Can you forgive me?"

You looked into his eyes, seeing the sincerity and regret there. Despite the hurt, you knew that Fushiguro was truly sorry. With a sigh, you nodded.

"I'll forgive you, Fushiguro. But please, don't ever say something like that again. It really hurt."

"I won't," Fushiguro promised. "I'll do whatever it takes to make it right."

As you stood there, holding hands with Fushiguro, you felt a weight lift off your shoulders. You knew that healing would take time, but you also knew that your friendship with Fushiguro was strong enough to withstand this rough patch.

Not to mention that you knew that your feelings for Fushiguro were still there and that even though he didn’t quite acknowledge the fact that you said that you loved him, you were thankful. You didn’t want to be rejected after you just made up with him after all.

And who knows…maybe Fushiguro feels the same.

[syndullqs]

pull me out from the depths — anakin skywalker

summary — you were friends before the darkside enticed you. you meet again and are forced to come to terms with reality.

warnings — sith!fem!reader, fluff, mentions of violence, angst, jedi!anakin

requested by — anon <3

YOU REMEMBER IT SO CLEARLY, the day you let the dark side wrap its spindly fingers around your heart. you went from feeling powerless and insignificant to powerful and important. the pain that held residence in your soul was replaced by the soaring feeling of power. for a moment, you were unstoppable.

the jedi never fell to the hand of the chancellor, instead, he ran, escaping to a far-off planet to build his empire. he took you with him since you swore allegiance that day to the monster behind the curtain. as powerful and full as you felt, there was a void in your soul. before you accepted the dark side, you and anakin skywalker were friends. you trained together and completed campaigns together. except he was the chosen one, the one who was believed to destroy the sith. he was kind, and fearless, but had a gentle touch. you loved him, and it brought about your downfall.

you’ve had many encounters with your old friend since that day. lightsaber duels, harsh words, even barely missing each other whenever you were both on the same planet.

you were on the same planet now, and you were saber locked with the handsome jedi in front of you.

his saber was a bright blue against your angry red. your eyes bore into his, attempting to read his mind, get into his head a little, but you knew anakin. you knew he spent a long time putting up mental blocks so his mind couldn’t be read, you knew that he prided himself in the ability to ward off attacks on the mind. he was a strong warrior, but so were you.

“give up, skywalker, we all know you almost did,” your voice comes out as a hiss, pushing him off of you. you watched as he took a step back, and in that moment of vulnerability, you swung towards him, capturing his saber in another lock.

“i wasn’t the one who fell,” he seethed, using all of his strength to stay upright. he wouldn’t deny it; you’d gotten stronger. your hands wrung your saber as you bore down on him, your pain and your hatred a driving force for your duel. he hated to see it, he hated how much pain you were in and he didn’t even know it. you were right, though, anakin was tempted by the pleasures of the dark side, but he didn’t fall into them. you did, and his heart broke for you.

your sabers separated again, and you engaged in more of a duel. the loud crashing of sabers filled your head, pushing you forward. your steps were deliberate, filled with menace and malice. his were light, intent, and defensive in every step he took. your expression was wrung into anger and confusion, pain swimming in your eyes. memories flooded your mind as you swung at anakin, anger making your moves sloppy and predictable.

anakin swung, his saber crashing down on top of yours. you stumbled, losing your footing. you wouldn’t be seen as weak, you couldn’t. you pushed back, arms straining as you fought. you gritted your teeth, hissing through them as anakin’s strength prevailed.

“i don’t want to hurt you, y/n,” his voice came through like a whispering wind, warm and comforting. it was supposed to be inviting, and for a time it was, but times changed. you had changed.

“i don’t believe you,” you seethed. anakin bared his teeth, pushing you down. he wished he had the power to change fate, but he didn’t. no one did. your footing slipped, and you cast a glance down. fighting on the edge of a cliff wasn’t the best idea, especially when the depths below were welcoming you, beckoning you closer.

you answered that call once before.

you managed to gain your footing, only in time for anakin to crash his saber against yours, sending you backwards. the wind whipped around you, and with a final pull, you used the force to bring anakin with you. if you were going down, he was too. your heart was thudding in your ears, fear taking over your body. you watched as anakin fell, his expression laced with fear. he looked like a boy, someone who was vulnerable and needed to be cared for. in that moment, which you believed were your final moments, you caught a glimpse of what could have been. if you hadn’t fallen to the dark side, if you hadn’t fallen for the emperor’s tricks.

reality slammed into your chest, literally. your back slammed against the ground, knocking the wind out of you. as you choked on air, clawing at the air around you, you watched anakin hit the ground too. as breath filled your lungs again with a dramatic gasp, you gathered what little strength you had to sit up and look around. the night sky was littered with stars and two moons hung. a glow was cast on the beach, a whisper riding the wind across the sand. this was different. where were you?

“anakin?” you called out, panic rising in your tone. a very familiar tone, anakin would say. he looked around, the pain in his back spreading. he heard your voice, your tone flashing him back to a time where things were simpler. you were you, not contaminated by the dark side.

“i’m alive, thanks,” he stated, rolling onto his side. as he sat up, he watched you. he should be bitter, knowing your intent. you tried to kill him, taking him down with you.

you sat there in silence, your body relaxing into the sand. your eyes were cast out to the waters, watching as the glow of the moons rode the waves. it was mesmerizing and soothing, like ointment on a burn.

“why?” anakin asked you, bringing his eyes to look at you. your physical appearance changed, looking stronger and more menacing. your eyes weren’t the same beautiful color as they were before, instead an angry red color.

his question would haunt you for the rest of your life. you had your reasons and you thought they were good reasons.

“i had my reasons,” you stated plainly.

“what reasons? what was so important that you had to give up on the jedi and join him?” anakin argued, facing you now. he still sat away from you, making sure space was between you in case you got up and tried to kill him. again. he stunned you with his line of questioning; he made a valid point.

“i was powerless, anakin. my master died, and no one wanted to take up my training. so, i never finished it. no one believed i could do it, and i saw so many people die. my family was slaughtered, my friends, i couldn’t watch it anymore,” you started, the memories pooling to the surface, “he offered me a way to cope, and it sounded better than what i was getting,” you added softly.

anakin knew about the death of your master. it was a brutal death, he knew that. you never told him the details, explaining that ‘it was not a jedi’s role to dwell on the past.’

“what happened?” he asked you, scooting a little closer to you. so, you told him. you told him about grievous capturing you, about watching your master die in front of you, and about how you did absolutely nothing to help. it wasn’t like you could anyways; you were bound in chains.

anakin sat there, stunned. he’d heard the story, but he didn’t know you were the padawan left behind. he didn’t know that you dealt with the pain and guilt by yourself. he turned away from your eyes, looking down at the sand. he always hated sand, how it got everywhere, but it wasn’t the most important thing right now. he turned back to look at you, meeting your eyes. they weren’t an angry red color anymore, they were the beautiful hue they were before the dark side poisoned you. you were you again, at least getting there.

“i’m so sorry,” he whispered. he was right next to you now, and you could feel his body heat radiating off of him. he was warm, he always was. you sighed, letting your shoulders sag. the anger behind that day drove you for so long, the guilt ate you alive. you were tired, and whatever planet you were on was making you see that.

“i’ve let the guilt eat at me for too long,” you admitted. anakin watched with hope in his eyes, begging you to come home.

“we didn’t help,” he confessed. if he’d known, he’d try to. others did know, the council, his master, they all knew but didn’t help. he tried not to let his own anger kindle.

“no, but i didn’t say anything either,” you agreed. silence sat between you, the feeling of wanting more sitting in both of your chests. you wanted to go back, but would they take you? anakin wanted you to come home, but would you take his hand?

after a while, anakin stood up. he offered you his hand. you flicked your eyes from his hand to his eyes, seeing the kindness and warmth in them, traits that made you fall in love with him at the temple. you took his hand, and he helped you stand up.

“water looks nice,” he commented. you raised an eyebrow at him.

“what does that-” you were cut off by anakin running full speed at the ocean, you in tow. you’d be laughing if there wasn’t one small thing: you never learned how to swim. yes, they had swimming lessons at the temple and they were a part of your training, but it’s been a while and you didn’t do that well, to begin with.

“anakin, wait-” you called as the water hit your body. it was cold, washing over you and opening up your senses. it enveloped you, thrashing you around. fear rose in your chest as you were cast underwater, panic sitting in your stomach as air failed to reach your lungs. this was nature’s revenge, wasn’t it? you’ve committed atrocities for so long nature wanted to get even. you didn’t blame her, you weren’t the kindest to mother nature.

a hand grabbed the collar of your shirt and pulled you above the water. panic rose in anakin’s face as he watched you inhale, gasping for air. your hands softly closed around your throat, tears brimming your eyes as you tasted the sweet flavor of oxygen.

“i thought you could swim!” anakin said, pulling you both to shallower water.

“i never said that,” you snapped back, now freezing. your arms wrapped around yourself as you stood in thigh-deep water, watching as anakin recovered. he thought he lost you, for real too. he ran a hand through his wet curls, nodding as he came to a decision.

“then it’s time i teach you,” he stated. you gave him a look, raising your eyebrows and scoffing.

“no,”

“come on, y/n, it’s a life skill,” he teased. it felt natural, all of this. you felt like friends again, teasing each other after sparring sessions. you felt normal, and it filled you in all the right places. it’s what you’ve been missing.

“fine,” you agreed, not being able to help the smile on your face as you watched anakin pump his fist at his side. for the next hour, you think, he taught you how to swim. treading water, using your arms and your legs to propel you, and even how to control your breathing. it was the hardest when anakin’s hands were on your waist, helping keep you afloat whenever you’d falter.

after a while of practicing, you were finally able to swim on your own. as embarrassing as it felt, you didn’t feel judged by anakin. he’d tease you here and there, but it was normal.

“see? i told you you could do it,” anakin met you, a smirk growing on his face. you rolled your eyes as you treaded water with tired legs.

“yeah whatever,” you scoffed. you felt light, as if nothing could touch you. your eyes flicked over anakin, watching the glow of the moon reflect in his eyes, casting a beautiful hue to his skin. he was beautiful, he always was.

“what?” he asked softly.

“nothing,” you covered up, “let’s get back to the shore, i think we forgot we don’t know where we are,” you added. you found your way back to the sand, trudging up to where you were once sat. anakin followed behind you, sitting next to you.

“y/n,” he started. he looked over at you, sensing the turmoil in you. the light was pulling you back, he could see it. he wanted you to come back home, to come back to him. you turned to face him, your expression soft and inviting. there you were.

“i never thought you were helpless,” he commented, “i always thought you were strong, kind, and adaptable,” he finished. when he looked at you, he saw strength, he saw kindness, he saw someone struggling. his chest heaved with deep intakes of breath, realization settling in. his affection for you, his love for you, never subsided. even when you left, turning away from him and the light side.

you didn’t know what to say to him. you just looked at him, feeling your hard heart melt. you slowly took his hand, and with his other he caressed your face. warmth exploded in your face, stretching down your neck and your body. he’s always had this affect on you.

“can i kiss you?” he asked you. you were appalled, but you did want to. you wanted him to kiss you until your days were up.

“yes,” you answered simply, and as you finished saying the word, he pressed his lips to yours. he tasted of the ocean, of warmth. his lips fit against yours, pulling you in closer. you wanted to stay there forever, held by his lips and his arms, but you couldn’t. you pulled away, resting your forehead against his.

“come home,” he asked you, begged you. there was that tug again, the voice inside your head.

“ok,” you whispered, letting anakin pull you out of the depths of your own soul.

good golly this was a long one. i sort of deviated from the request a little (so sorry anon!!) but i hope you still enjoy! it’s been a minute since i’ve written a fic on here, but i hope it’s still worthy material LOL. enjoy!

[nexionswild]

IN WHICH MANEATER!reader admits their feelings for the van der linde boys. [p.2] [p.1]

includes: charles ∿ lenny ∿ sean ∿ bill

content warning: fluff, a little angsty in bill’s part, no pronouns [GN]

a/n: i think half of them are so ooc nd im so sorry omdgshjq i’m still trying to figure out how to write for lenny and sean but i promise i’ll get better with time 🦾

✦ ﹒ charles smith

you caught him off guard, that's for sure..

charles is used to being perceived as intimidating and scary, considering his origins and his size, but that's what you like about him.

he never noticed how you'd stare lovingly whenever he'd explain his cultural way of hunting down animals or practice some other things.

and you never noticed how much he had to turn his head away when he saw you flirting men according to dutch's plan. but charles have dignity, and would admit to have found himself jealous every time you'd coo love words out of those pretty lips of yours.

probably needs time to acknowledge that you're dead serious about this relationship, and really looking forward to it. he's not against it tho, he's just.. surprised.

be ready because those massive hands of his are never leaving your waist the moment he gracefully accepts your confession. like never ever. and he doesn't have any shame either, and maybe he'll refrain from being too much of a sweetie in camp for your sake, given you can be easily embarassed if he surprise you with his loving demeanour, but he won't hold back as soon as the gang members are away.

"my mother taught me all the ways to treat a lover.. i hope it'll meet your expectations."

unfiltered romantic. it makes you blush how much he says the most romantic thing out of pocket and pretend like that never happened.

your name is the only thing that comes out of his mouth every now and then, you know because arthur keeps mentioning how much charles talks about you as if you were the only beautiful thing that's plaguing his mind.

✦ ﹒ lenny summers

lenny is so flustered, i'm sorry, god, he's baby

he probably stammered like a fool after you confessed, why wouldn't he? you're perfect, so perfect and he's just some kid, trying to be a big bad outlaw. perhaps that's what you like about him. he's nervous like a little kitty, and lord knows how much nervous men makes your day.

"i- i.. ahem.. yes, yes, of course!"

you made him so embarassed, i hope you're proud of yourself.

he'll struggle telling you how jealous he felt, it didn't really struck his mind first before you even confessed, i mean, sure he did think you were charming, but he never really bat an eye at your work.

he only got feelings because you were fun to listen to, you didn’t notice how he’d watch you every time you went on your drunken rants. it’s only recently that you found out according to karen.

for most of the part, lenny would rely on you. i mean you can’t blame him, you’re popular. in a way, you are, you’re like dutch. you have a lot of contacts, and charisma, he’s been a bystander. he’s pretty awkward, he doesn’t know what to do, but you find it cute, somehow.

of course, he’ll start to man up eventually when he feels more confident by the time you’ve shown him what you’re most comfortable with in terms of love languages, and he easily adapts himself to it. i mean, he absolutely loves spending time with you, and the amount of patience you put in for him really melts his heart in a way, but he’ll never admit it. ever.

depending on what you’re most comfortable with, lenny would gladly ride all the way to saint-denis for the simple wish of getting you something expensive, or even bring you along with him so you get to choose what you want. something he didn’t expect to see is you using your flirtatious ways of getting an item for free.

“you really know how to fool a man.. please don’t make a fool out of me.”

✦ ﹒ sean macguire

“ha! i knew ya’d fall for me!”

absolutely did not know you’d fall for him.

sean likes to be confident, at least he likes to appear confident. but often mix things up with arrogance, and if you were to call him out on that, he would tone it down a little. he doesn’t mean to be rude to you, he’s genuinely happy, he just doesn’t know how to properly express it.

sean have a loud mouth, and he didn’t hide the fact that he was getting irritated when men were attracted to you, often times he’d be barked at by arthur or john for fucking up your plan for being jealous. he never understood it, he thought he was being a gentleman chasing those creeps away.

he’s a comedian, on accident. you don’t know how to describe it but there’s something really sweet in seeing him ramble to the point where he’s humorous like that. you guess that’s how you fell for him. sean is so honest. and so dumb, too.

what you most love, is when he gets drunk. that’s where he starts to be overwhelmingly affectionate. and the gang teases you about it, but you couldn’t care less. he’s adorable that way! why would you make fun of something as precious as his honesty? especially when he’s slurring on his words, too?

he’s not a charmer with words, and he knows it. that’s why the best he could do to prove his love is by teasing or joking around with you, he’s trying his best.

“these english men keeps bullyin’ ya… just tell me! i’ll shoot ‘em right between thei’ eyes, yeah?”

he wants to look strong and fearless for you, he wants to impress you in every way he can. sometimes, you’d see him getting angry about the fact that he lost something, wether i’d be a fist fight or a game, but the moment he sees you, he gets embarrassed.

you’re the only one who can reassure him that what he failed to achieve doesn’t matter much, the effort is more important.

✦ ﹒ bill williamson

doesn’t believe you. at all.

bill was always made fun of, or teased by others to get a rise out of him. and he doesn’t believe you, because he thinks it’s just another way to make him mad. but he can’t help and think how evil this is, using you, someone he truly admire, to pick on him?

when you insist that you’re not joking, bill starts to get angry. not at you, but it’s just the way he is, he’s trying his best but he’s still in doubt.

given your reputation with men, and how many times he have to ignore you on duty, he just think it’s purely for the entertainment of seeing him falling like a fool. williamson is someone who’s not joking around, and that you know.

“if you love me, why would you?” he snaps. then immediately regrets. he doesn’t wanna lash it out on you, and he’d drink himself to death if he’s actually convinced that you love him that way.

he wants to apologize, but no words are leaving his mouth. and there’s an unbearable amount of pressure on his shoulders by this point, but when you take your time and explain to him the reason behind your fondness, he softens up a tad.

you had the patience to deal with him, surely you were serious?

“fine. i believe you. but i’m warning you, if this is some sick joke, i’ll—… i’ll…”

he won’t do anything.

for the past few weeks, you’ve been awfully affectionate towards him to prove your point. and he complains about it, tho he secretly enjoy having your full undivided attention. every time dutch planned to take him for a mission, you’ve been prepping his saddle and equipments, and when he came back, you’ve welcome him back with your arms open.

and while you were acting like some kind of stay-at-home spouse, bill would be silently protective over you. when you have to talk to men and women and fake another of your identity to wrap them around your finger, bill would silently sit at a table nearby and watch carefully, making sure no one lays a finger on you.

and when you thank him for his care through kisses, all you hear are grumbling noises and a little “you’re welcome”.

he’s just an angry worked up man, but you love him for it. (surprisingly!)

[haeryna]

i feel like reader (especially after being called princess and the two working together to tear down her walls) would be in a dilemma— like a few things came out of them abandoning her but one being just this indescribable feeling of rage and hurt

so upon being in their hold and touch and suguru endearingly calling for her to hear them out, part of her wants to fold SO bad but the other part of her wants to stay unreasonable and not hear them out because it’s just so much easier to be angry at them and paint them as the villains in her life, if she does accept their apology she knows that feeling won’t go away— she’d have to come to terms with how bitter of a person she really was (i mean rightfully so, they did screw her over)

also bless u and ur writing— i don’t see many poly! satosugu x reader stories with a plot that has me biting my finger in absolute investment LMAO love uuuuuu 🫶🏾✨

ANON THANK YOU you perfectly summed it up !! i wanted to write a story where there was a difficult decision that had to be made, with several catalysts involving how everything went down. (splitting this so that it doesn't invade people's feeds with a wall of text LOL)

satoru's "coming out" to his parents: mine were so homophobic that i didn't come to terms with my own sexuality for a long, long time, so i empathized with the sheer panic and trauma that gave him. you don't make rational decisions when your parents are beating the shit out of you, and you also don't make rational decisions when you're 16 years old.

suguru choosing to leave reader behind: they could only withdraw so much money with the limits satoru's parents had placed on his bank account. they had to have enough to eat, to rent an apartment, to actually get away. they had to choose a place far enough so that satoru's parents wouldn't follow, which brings me to

retaliation: there's a unique kind of fear, when you're unsure if someone is hunting you down. there's a kind of terror in realizing they can track you. it's why they got rid of their phones, and immediately upon signing to the same company, received heavily protected ones. only people who had their number could reach them, or even respond.

"they could have said something:" again, they were panicked, satoru had just been beaten by his literal parents, and they were trying to flee as fast as possible. in the moment, they could not have and would not have been able to do that. as alluded to before, they did not live a comfortable life in asia. the beginning was rough as they scraped by. it wasn't until satoru began auditioning that things started looking up for them, and if you're into the kpop scene, you know how brutal training is. suguru ultimately spent all his time caring for satoru and working on the side until he also made it big.

"and what about after?:" honestly sometimes, when you know you fuck up, but you feel like you can't do anything about it anymore? that was them. and you can be upset with it all you want, but it had gotten to the point where they genuinely thought you would never be a part of their lives again. yet the chasm in their chest grew larger and larger, until they realized they couldn't continue on unless they know they at least tried.

that's not to say reader isn't in a predicament as well, like you mentioned nonnie. leaving hurts, and abandonment is worse, so it would be far easier to paint them as the bad guys. it doesn't matter what their intentions were. to reader, they left her alone, and now they're suddenly back for unknown reasons? reader is also not the most stable of mind right now (real); she's working two jobs on top of taking care of her sick parents. for the past five years, she's had to be the one taking care of herself. now satosugu need to prove that they WANT to be the ones taking care of her. i've been in this situation before, as the left party (who eventually ended up forgiving the leaver), so i hope that will help to incorporate realism into the situation.

and i'm glad you like the plot/understood the nuance of the situation! i'm grateful to you and your ask anon, thank you for allowing me to go in depth into the situation <33 i love you too!

[lilycolbertsstuff]

I just finished the Addicted/Calloway sisters series and I’m positively weeping.

While reading these books I really felt like I was going through a journey with all those characters and I couldn’t be more grateful for that because they taught me so much.

I will truly never forget the way they made me feel and how I learned to accept, love and care for the core six as if they were my friends. I’ve never experienced characters feeling so raw and real and that’s what makes these novels special. What they went through in terms of personal growth and emotional turmoil feels like something that any of us could live through in our lifetimes.

These are the kind of books that remind me why I love reading. We bottle up so much of our feelings to appease society’s standards that sometimes it feels like we’re becoming robots, so it’s nice to have a reminder that it’s ok to feel all sorts of emotions whenever and wherever we feel them and if someone tells us otherwise we bring out our inner Rose Calloway Cobalt.

Ultimately the most important value that these books want to transmit to the readers is that we should never be afraid to love and be loved because without this blazing force that drives human beings we would just be hollow shells.

Round of thanks:

- Lily, thank you for showing me that anything is possible if we learn to accept the help of the people around us. Thank you for showing me that being shy is not a weakness. It’s ok to struggle, it’s ok to take it slow and it’s ok to fall down on our path to happiness but in the end we will make it and we will be deserving of it. There’s no right definition of strength and I’ll make sure to remind myself of that.

- Lo, thank you for showing me that the people who struggle in their early years are not doomed to a future of failure and despair. I struggle with my insecurities just like Lo did, feeling inferior, stupid, worthless but watching him evolve and become the amazing person he is moves me to strive and work on myself to become someone I will be able to say I am proud of in the future.

- Rose, thank you for reinforcing in me the fact that love is the most powerful force in the world. You are a blazing fire that is not afraid to drop everything and put herself on the line for the people she loves, I aspire to be as courageous as she is one day. She is a feminist and is never afraid to put out her ideas into the world and confront with her head held high all the men who would even try to doubt her. She loves fiercely and without any restraints and I think that’s what we should all live our lives like. I think the greatest lesson she has taught me is that you should always be true to yourself and never try to change your personality just so you might be appreciated more by others, for the people who cherish you accept you for who you are to your core with all your vices and virtues.

- Connor, I’ve loved your character ever since your first appearance, thank you for taking us along your journey of learning to accept love into your life. I know it’s hard, especially if you’ve never felt something as strong as that but in the end, even though there might be heartache along the way, it is all worth it. His open mindedness helped me get more comfortable in my sexuality and I will never be more thankful to him for that.

- Daisy, I want to thank you because watching you go on your journey of finding your own voice and learning to speak your mind without being afraid of other people’s judgement was truly inspiring. We can’t always pretend to be ok with what other people tell us to do and that’s completely fine because in the end expressing what we think and want in a respectful way will help define our own path.

- Ryke, I wish I were as selfless as you are. Your compassion and will to do good and help the people in need are qualities that not many people have. I think of Ryke as a lighthouse, always there to show the right way to the people who may have lost their own light. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Having said so, I will for sure revisit these books in the future because these characters feel like family now and to me family comes first.

Until next time 🪷🌹🌼

Ps. Poppy Calloway I wish we could’ve seen more of you.

[jenyifer]

How does Boston treat Nick in front of others?

I know I need to do a just atom soup pot but this question is bothering me more. So I find when I’m in a relationship a big indicator if the other person is serious is how they act about me in front of their friends. 100% of the time their friends family are on their side so it’s important those people get the impression that the person 1 likes me and 2 thinks of me long term. So let’s look at some BostonNick moments and apply those principles to them.

Boston is eager to talk about how useful Nick is to his friends. He also must have talked him up so much Nick is put in charge of the website. Something that isn’t super simple if you can make bookings for the hostel through the website. Look at Boston’s face before TopMew show up. Quietly proud.

Boston doesn’t try to downplay what him and Nick were doing at the pool. He doesn’t try to blame things on Nick. It gives the impression this is deliberate and has been done before. Mew will definitely know now that Boston and Nick are seriously seeing eachother with this scene in the pool. If Boston wanted to deny it he’d have to be a bit more callous towards nick. But he looks at the poor boy like this. Melty goo.

With Ray and Sand Boston insists that he and Nick stay out with Ray and Sand further cementing what’s going on with the two of them. He’s perfectly happy to be snuggly to the max with Nick in front of Ray and Sand… kind of possessive to some extent. Boston knows Sand is Nick’s friend he wants to be perceived by Sand and Nick that he’s a cool guy. I think that’s a reason why he looks so annoyed with Ray’s rebuttle hurtful statement to Nick. FIRST Ray implies Nick is wrong for liking Boston which Boston agrees with. Then Ray says Boston can’t love anyone but himself. Putting Boston down and I think this did hurt him. Boston does love Ray and Mew actually in his own head he can definitely accept that more than his feelings for Nick. Still he doesn’t want to be put down in front of Nick. It’s hastening the end.

Post fight Cheum and Mew try to get Boston to admit to dating Nick which Boston denies. THEN he says what he really feels “you guys are going to abash me in front of him” That is what Boston can’t stand. That is what Ray did. Mew Cheum and Ray talk about how Boston is a heartless slut all the time but Boston acts like he doesn’t care. HOWEVER in this conversation Bostons tone is serious he doesn’t want to be put down in front of Nick.

Because Boston wants Nick to like him.

Because feelings are already there.

Boston brings Nick to meet his dad and… idk about you but how Boston looks at Nick in this scene makes me feral. He is possessive in his own way Proud that Nick is there being useful to his dad. Boston respects his dad even though he treats Boston with disdain. Boston bringing nick there HUGE. Boston leaning on Nick for support and talking his skills up. Priceless confirmation.

Ugh I can’t have anymore photos but at the party ep 6 as things fall apart Boston denies his and Nicks relationship while relying on Nick. But Bostons denials now feel hollow. Boston knows. If I was Nick and ALL THAT SHIT WENT DOWN then Boston came back to my place. I’d be comforted by the fact every “Is Nick your boyfriend” question the answer was a placid no not a fervent denial or joke.

Anyways I think all those scenes show that Boston wants Nick around and he’s proud to have Nick at his side. Even if his words don’t match body language actions prove it. I can totally see why Nick was conflicted.

[watermelons-dont-grow-on-trees]

Honeymoon

pt 1.

masterlist next

wanted to post at least one more thing while im still here on vacation, because it feels more authentic, but fear not, i have plenty more planned and outlined for vacation/summer stuff

this is fluff by my standards.... not sure it is by everyone's, meet Aly's love interest (sort of) <3

TW: dehumanisation, pet whump, implied abuse, long term captivity

"I mean, I won't stop you from staying inside, but remember this is our wedding night. Are you sure you want to stay for everything that entails?"

"No, definitely not" Aly shook her head, disgusted by the idea of having to stay and to watch them fuck from her appointed flimsy mattress in the corner of the room, the hotel employees generously called a dog bed "But where am I supposed to stay?" It's not like she could ask for a room for herself.

"Stay by the door like a good puppy, and you can sleep in the morning" Luke grinned and pat her face affectionately. He then grabbed Cole by the hand and pulled him inside the room already turning around to meet his now husband's lips. He winked at Alyssa, before he accepted the invite and slammed the door behind them.

Alyssa sighed, her frustration was written all over her face, but even if it wasn't, the tightly clenched fists by her sides and tense shoulders would have given her away.

"The fuck did you bring me on your honeymoon for then?" she muttered and looked around the corridor for a place to sit, and of course there was none. The dark burgundy carpet seemed comfortable enough to sit on, but she didn't like the thought of accidentally getting in the way of some other rich assholes, who have no regard for her as a person. Not like Luke and Cole do, but having spent so much time together, they'd grown used to each other, at times even Alyssa felt comfortable in their company. When they weren't torturing her at least.

Fuck it. There were five more honeymoon suites opening from this hallway, and she wasn't sure any of the occupants would leave for the night, to stumble across her sitting by the door.

The sun still hadn't set completely, she could see the bright oranges and pinks of the sky from where she'd sat, through the window that replaced the wall at the end of the corridor from floor to ceiling. How long has it been since she had seen the sun set?

In the old house, in the basement the little window faced north, she barely ever caught glimpses of light through it, the trees behind the house kept it in the shadows any way. She shuddered at the memory of that place. It was covered in the blood of so many people, she never wanted to know how many trial-and-error processed the guys went through before her.

The new house, however, was beautiful and comfortable. She even had her own room, where she could stay for the most part. A wave of anxiety still twisted itself in her gut, when she realised how grateful she was for it. For being allowed a room. And now being allowed to stay outside the door to a luxurious suite and not have to witness whatever happens inside.

A door opened across the hall from her and a tall, lanky man stumbled outside before it slammed behind him.

He straightened up quickly and reached up to fix his hair that had looked like a messy black bird's nest. She froze, and tried to make herself disappear into the wall behind her, until she saw the collar around his neck.

She took a deep breath. He was most likely much safer to be around than anyone else, who could have left any of the rooms.

He took a lazy seat, crossing his legs and leaning into the wall, before he noticed her. He froze for a brief moment, just like she did, but his lips pulled into a wry smile when he noticed her collar.

"Honeymoon?" he asked, he looked tired, but there was a hint of knowing smile on his face. She nodded with a timid smile.

"First?"

"Yeah" Alyssa answered, confused for a moment, before he continued.

"This is her third" he sighed and let out a humourless chuckle "Is yours gonna last?" he nodded towards the door she sat next to.

"I think so" she shrugged, she'd never really thought about it before. The one thing that seemed healthy, normal even, therefore bringing a sense of normalcy to her life was Luke and Cole together.

"Do you think it's the one for- them?" Aly threw the question back. Gesturing towards the door he came through. He laughed for real this time.

"This is the third time, she'll book the room for the next one before we leave" he rolled his eyes. The contempt in his voice was feigned, and Alyssa noticed it slip away from his face as he glaced towards the room, to be momentarily replaced with longing.

"What's, uhm, what's your name?"

"Beau" he replied, this time with a flick of real anger in his eyes "How about your?"

"They call me Aly, but it's Alyssa"

"Nice to meet you then, Alyssa"

"Nice to meet you, Beau" he cringed, and her breath hitched, worried she said something she wasn't supposed to, she just stared at him, eyes widened with worry. "'m sorry"

"It's fine, I just haven't- haven't really got used to it yet" he sighed.

"Do you want me to call you something else? I promise I won't tell" Alyssa scrambled trying to correct her earlier mistake.

"No" Beau shook his head "I have to get used to it. It will hurt more if I don't"

"I'm sorry" he shrugged dismissing her apology.

They say in silence until the sun had completely set and the dimmed night lights turned on along the wall near the ceiling. It was significantly harder for Alyssa to make out the other's expressions. He sat with his eyes closed resting against the wall.

She struggled to do the same, finding no comfortable positions to stay in.

"Hey, uhm, can you sleep?" she whispered, loud enough that he would hear it, if he was awake, but quiet enough that if he wasn't, she wouldn't disturbed him.

"Not allowed" he groaned "I'm just resting my eyes for a while."

"Okay, I don't want to bother you."

"You're not, ask away, anything that makes the time pass faster" He didn't move from his spot.

"Why do you think this isn't the last honeymoon for your- for, uhm, her? Don't they say third time's a charm?" she fidgeted nervously with the hem on her shirt. She wanted to look up, maybe smile, just make lighthearted conversation she craved so much. She needed someone who would understand, and pretend everything is okay as it is.

"They do say that" he agreed "But the señora doesn't like spending time alone, and that poor old bastard won't last her more than a few months, if that" She imagined an old lady, standing by the side of an old man at their wedding. Beau would sit by her side.

"And she would get married again?"

"She would, she will..." he replied, and even in the terrible dim lighting Alyssa saw his face scrunch up with disgust. Under guise of all his judgement and harsh words, he seemed to feel hurt by this more than he let on.

"And, why- uhm, how did... you end up with her?" The question twisted awkwardly in her head. She wasn't used to talking to anyone, but Luke and Cole. Especially not to someone, who she guessed was in a similar situation to hers.

"Pretty standard way, I guess, I was grabbed by some 'recruiters' and was auctioned off" Beau rolled his eyes sarcastically. 'Recruiters' were glorified professional human traffickers, for those in the market for untrained pets, not some fancy-ass perfectly behaved and expensive WRU products.

"How long-?"

"Four years, coming up this month" he sighed "How about you?"

"I'm not supposed to talk about it" Alyssa muttered.

"Oh, come on, they won't hear you out here, it's just us, I won't tell" he nudged, intrigued.

"I- No, I can't, I'm sorry, I-" she struggled. Luke's efforts of training her to be unable to talk about anything concerning her life before, came to fruition. She remembered clear as day the night she was "brought home." Even in her own head, she could only call it that. Not kidnapped, threatened with a gun and mugged all at the same time. Brought home, she was brought home.

"Not allowed to say" she managed finally "It's been like two years, it's hard to say"

"Whoa, whatever they did to you worked out well, if you can't even say it out of earshot" Beau seemed genuinely surprised. She was deeply hurt, by it. Thankfully he noticed "Sorry, I didn't mean it like that."

Alyssa just shrugged. "So, what is she like?"

"You're not asking about her favourite colours I assume, well, she's nice, when she wants to be, she loves me more than her husbands, I think... She says I was her best investment ever"

"Does she hurt you, too?" Alyssa asked quietly. He tilted his head to the side and thought before he answered.

"She does, it used to be worse, when I was still learning" he sighed "but what can you do, she's a great owner, I can't complain" he added, bitter with resignation. Alyssa hummed in acknowledgement, stuck on how she could possibly respond to that. It was eerie hearing the words so casually falling from his mouth. Similar to her own thoughts ever since this was her reality, and still she was taken aback by it.

"How about yours?" Beau threw the question back. Yeah, how about hers? What could she possibly tell him about Luke and Cole? Surely he'd understand whatever went on.

"Luke is... sometimes he takes better care of me than I of myself, but he's usually the reason, I need it. He's very confusing" she admitted, and knew immediately that there was something wrong with that statement. A trouble for later, she decided. "Cole, his husband, scares the shit out of me, if I'm honest. He's simply cruel for the sake of it" That was something she'd say to his face. And Cole would just laugh, then hurt her for it, and not deny it for a second. Beau nodded.

"Do you know how long you'll stay?"

"I think two more weeks. Will I see you around?"

"Probably"

[saras-devotionals]

Quiet Time 3/5

What am I feeling today?

Still sick, also lazy. I was very unproductive yesterday and it kinda killed my mood. I need to make a structured plan for today to adhere to so I can get back on track when it comes to work. But excited too! I got accepted to something amazing and I’ll be getting more details and everything today, just feeling really encouraged by that!

Luke 7 NIV

(v. 6-10) “So Jesus went with them. He was not far from the house when the centurion sent friends to say to him: “Lord, don’t trouble yourself, for I do not deserve to have you come under my roof. That is why I did not even consider myself worthy to come to you. But say the word, and my servant will be healed. For I myself am a man under authority, with soldiers under me. I tell this one, ‘Go,’ and he goes; and that one, ‘Come,’ and he comes. I say to my servant, ‘Do this,’ and he does it.” When Jesus heard this, he was amazed at him, and turning to the crowd following him, he said, “I tell you, I have not found such great faith even in Israel.” Then the men who had been sent returned to the house and found the servant well.”

My main focus was near the end in which it says Jesus was amazed at him. I just find it really interesting that Jesus can be amazed by us and in the case of this man by his faith.

(v. 13-15)

“When the Lord saw her, his heart went out to her and he said, “Don’t cry.” Then he went up and touched the bier they were carrying him on, and the bearers stood still. He said, “Young man, I say to you, get up!” The dead man sat up and began to talk, and Jesus gave him back to his mother.”

I like this too because it says that his heart went out to her and I’d like to think the same happens with us. Whenever we experience a painful hardship such as the death of a loved one, his heart goes out to us and brings us comfort.

(v. 23) “Blessed is anyone who does not stumble on account of me.””

I like this, because the way we avoid stumbling is by abiding heavily to the word and his teaching. I feel that the parallel for this is found in Luke 17:1-2 “Jesus said to his disciples: “Things that cause people to stumble are bound to come, but woe to anyone through whom they come. It would be better for them to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around their neck than to cause one of these little ones to stumble.”

(v. 26-28) “But what did you go out to see? A prophet? Yes, I tell you, and more than a prophet. This is the one about whom it is written: “ ‘I will send my messenger ahead of you, who will prepare your way before you.’ I tell you, among those born of women there is no one greater than John; yet the one who is least in the kingdom of God is greater than he.””

I’m curious about the ending, where he says that there’s no greater than John but even the least in the kingdom of God is greater than him. I went to some commentary because I was confused by this and this is what they said:

This seemingly paradoxical statement is resolved by the considerations: (1) that John the Baptist was not in the kingdom of Christ, the same not being set up until after John’s death, and (2) that the term "greater" has reference to privilege, rather than to character.

(v. 40-43)

“Jesus answered him, “Simon, I have something to tell you.” “Tell me, teacher,” he said. “Two people owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he forgave the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?” Simon replied, “I suppose the one who had the bigger debt forgiven.” “You have judged correctly,” Jesus said.”

I like this parable, I feel it’s rather simple and reasonable to understand and I’ll get into the point of it in the next verse:

(v. 47-50)

“Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.” Then Jesus said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.” The other guests began to say among themselves, “Who is this who even forgives sins?” Jesus said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.””

Although all sin is sin and separates us from God, it’s notable here that there are some that sin more than others (there are times we can compare ourselves in saying “well at least I’m not that bad”, but it’s critical to keep in mind that we are all still sinners!). But also notable here is that Jesus says whoever had been forgiven little loves little. And although it’s no small feat to be forgiven of all your sins, I do understand the point here and wonder if it affects my relationship with him.

[marshmallowprotection]

Hey it’s me again lol hope you’re doing well. My midterms started this week and I am not having a good time, I didn’t prepare well enough so ig I’m only reaping what I sowed 😔If you do ship writing besides MC ships, could I request some comfort JuminV? I could use some fluff in my life rn lmao, thank you so much in advanced 💗—submission

“Your eyes are cloudy, Jihyun.”

“An astute observation,” Jihyun muttered under his breath as he leaned his head back against the couch to avoid Jumin’s gaze. “I know what you want to tell me, Jumin... and as I’ve told you before, I’ve come to terms with what’s happened to me and I’m not sure that I want to mend what’s been broken. There’s nothing to be done to change what happened now that it’s happened, what else can I do... but accept it?”

A long, somber sigh followed his words that Jumin chased after. “That is what you said after the accident you and your mother went through. You shook your head and said there was nothing to say about your scars despite how much it caused you pain to look in the mirror.”

Jumin wasn’t wrong.

There wasn’t a moment when his observations weren’t correct, but the way he knew how to cut deep without fail, every time, had its charm. He knew that he would never be able to avoid Jumin’s candor, nor the way it blended with what mattered most to him—the well being of someone he cared about. That was a core value to Jumin Han’s very existence and by being someone he called his best friend, he was no stranger to that empathy.

Jumin wanted better for him...

Even if they both understood Jihyun wasn’t sure he deserved it.

In a soft voice, he said, “I couldn’t escape my scars.”

"I don’t believe your scars were something you needed to flee from, Jihyun.” Jumin said. The words meant to say what they both knew. “I don’t think you need to run away from this operation, either. There’s no guarantee that the operation will fix your vision, much less give you back some of the sight you have lost. But, if you are denying the operation because you think you must carry this scar as you carry—”

“Don’t,” Jihyun’s words croaked in the back of his throat. He wasn’t sure if it was the wine or his shattered heart that made him more vulnerable and open to what his friend was about to say, but he knew what Jumin wanted to say. He knew the words like the back of his hand because it wasn’t the first time he’d heard them... they just felt heavier on Jumin’s lips than they ever did on his own.

Jumin said nothing but slowly but surely, he leaned over and let his head rest against Jihyun’s shoulder. “I apologize. The wine has made me become much more forward in my thinking tonight. You know I don’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable, Jihyun... I worry for you.”

A part of Jihyun’s heart whispered: If you know what I’d done... how I failed... you wouldn’t dare worry for me.

“I’ve always worried for you, my friend... when I look into your eyes... they may look physically cloudy upon first glimpse... but it goes deeper than that. There are clouds keeping your truth from me... and I won’t press you for what’s been haunting you as of late, but I want you to know... I will always listen when you are ready to speak to me, Jihyun. My heart is open to yours.” 

Jihyun’s own heart fluttered at those words that neither he or Jumin would ever explore the way they might’ve liked to, barriers, insecurities, fears holding them back, but to know it was there was to know what it was like to be home. To be home was to be with Jumin. For some reason, that was always the truth. That was always where he wanted to be, even if he couldn’t admit to himself, even when they were kids.

For Jihyun, even at his darkest moment, he yearned to know that Jumin would be there for him. Even if he couldn’t dare bring himself to ask for the help that Jumin would rightfully give without a second thought. Jihyun didn’t think that he deserved the operation on his injured eyes— just as much as he didn’t think he deserved Jumin’s love.

I know it is. It always has been. His heart whispered as the words were never confessed aloud.

[echantedtoon]

Still Loving You

He'll still love her even if she never feels the same. Even if it'll always be one sided.

(I like this ship a lot even if a lot of people don't. So here's a pretty small oneshot for it.)

He loved her from the moment he met her. Maggie. He thought she was the most beautiful creature in New York or anywhere else on the earth for that matter. It's why he went to help her after she first got captured.

"There you are!"

"Stay back! Somebody help me!"

Even if she rejected him there, he knew she was scared. She needed his help still. He brought her unconscious body home where she was safe. Much safer than that laboratory.

"It's ok. You're among friends."

"This is safe? I need a cure! I'm not a monster!"

"We're not monsters either. Don't be afraid."

Even after...She still saw him that way. Even after she ran back to Xanatoes. Betraying his kindness and insisting on following her still trying to help. Still trying to make everything right again.

"Maggie, wait!"

She still ran from him in fear. Accusing eyes staring at him despite him coming back to help. 

"Why are you afraid of me? I want to help you."

"No you don't! You want me to stay a monster like you!"

She ran from him. Attacked him even. Manipulated by fear and Xanatoes. But he could do nothing. Only accept the reality of it all.

"She doesn't want our help...She doesn't want me."

Things did get better for the both of them. He faced new challenges in his life. She fell in love with someone else. It hurts. His chest still felt heavy thinking about it or worse seeing it. He was always excited to see her again even if it was just a social call. Even if they were on better terms more friendly now. Seeing her loving Derek was...Hard. But he would still help her. Even when she came to him for help having no one else to turn to.

"Maggie?"

"Fang's taken over the Labyrinth. He's got all sorts of weapons, and Talon-...I couldn't help him."

She let him embrace her. To comfort her fears and worries before he left to help her. It was all he wanted because deep down he still loved her. Which is why...even if he could've been selfish and tried to have her for himself, he made the choice to let her go. To help save her actual love because in the end he loved her seeing her happy. And bring with him wouldn't bring her that happiness she deserved after everything she went through.

"What makes you think I'd go with you and leave Derek?!"

"Then stay with him for all I care! I'm sure you'll make wonderful cellmates!"

She had been disgusted by his words but once she saw the key to her love's freedom in her hands, her face looked at him in hope and understanding. 

"Yeah. I thought that would shut you up. Now say goodbye to your boyfriend and let's go."

He saw her release him. Run back to his arms. And both expressed emense thanks and appreciation to him for everything he's done for them both. He was happy for them. He really was. He was happy Maggie was happy. Happy she found someone who loved and cared about her so much even if it wasn't him. Happy that was she was happy. But it still hurts. Even now years later. Both having moved on. Both having children. Their own families now. He even found love in someone else. However there will always be the small part of him that'll look at her and miss her. Wonder what could have been. After all..

He'll still love her even if she never feels the same. Even if it'll always be one sided.

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hi Cas, it’s adoring anon (that’s a super cute nickname btw so thank youuu). I didn’t think i’d be writing you so soon, but something very very weird just happened so- yeah.

First of all, thank you. I didn’t mean to have you break rules or make you uncomfortable, so sorry if I did.

So I talked to him this morning and it was really nice. I told him that I don’t doubt that I’m straight, and that I know he’s a man, and that sex isn’t very important to me, but it doesn’t bother me what we do or don’t do, i’m happy to figure it out as we go and see what’s comfortable (don’t worry this ask isn’t abt sex). 

So i asked him whether sex was difficult for him, you know, if he hadn’t wanted to do anything cause he was afraid of me finding out he’s trans, or if he doesn’t like to do anything anyway. He told he was psyching himself up to tell me cause he was afraid i’d leave cause people have before (assholes, he’s amazing). 

Then he asked me something. On our third date I mentioned wanting kids. We’re at an age where it was clear neither of us wanted to beat around the bush, we’re looking long term and that needs to be compatible (we were also very romantic though don’t worry). He was a bit weird but said he did after I brought up the fact that i’d always preferred the idea of adopting kids over having kids myself.  

Anyway, he asked me if it was a problem, that he’s trans. I assumed he meant because he can’t get me pregnant. I told him it’s genuinely never appealed to me and I meant it when I said i’d rather adopt, if that was what he’d want too. And he agreed. 

It felt like a weird conversation, like I was already missing a hint. Looking back I think maybe he was asking if I saw this as a long term thing, would it be weird parenting with him since he’s trans? 

Obviously not, i’d always have wanted to teach my kids about all different types of people anyway. Or maybe he meant that adoption might be harder since he’s trans (I don’t know much about it to be honest- adoption). 

Either way, do you think I should bring it back up? To clarify. Or is it fine? It would just be to reassure him, I don’t know if i’d be bringing it back up unnecessarily. Like maybe he didn’t mean that and then it’ll seem like I’m having doubts. 

That’s not why i’m writing though. Something incredibly weird just happened, and I very much need some of your magic advice. 

I met his parents this afternoon, just left an hour or two ago actually. He usually visits them every sunday and now he’s come out to me, he told me he wanted me to meet them. 

When I talked to him, he’d mentioned that he likes to distance himself from the past before he transition, since he struggled a lot and faced a lot of challenges. He basically making sure I knew that he didn’t find it necessary to talk about his childhood much (he said I could talk about mine though cause he loves listening to me ❤️). Anyway, he said he told his mum when he was like 10 or something that he didn’t feel like a girl, I don’t know if that’s early or late tbh, but he said he mum supported him and bought him clothes he preferred and for most of secondary school he was- I don’t know- presenting as man? Transitioned to a man? A boy. I don’t know the terminology sorry.

Anyway, his mum had always been very accepting but his dad, his parents were divorced so he saw him on the weekends, strongly disapproved. 

When he was 17, his mother passed away from cancer. She left him a trust fund in her will, and the money for the top surgery he wanted. He had to move in with his dad, who wasn’t as much of a dick as he used to be, but still didn’t approve of him being trans. 

So he got top surgery at 18, and moved out. They’ve stayed connected over the years and when his dad got married, he went to wedding. His step mum is really really lovely and she basically whacked his dad over the head and told him to be nicer. The dads been pretty accepting ever since and he goes over like every weekend now (he says mainly to see his step mum and step sister though). 

ANYWAY. That’s the info you need to understand to know what the fuck just happened. Because I met said family. And the step mother and sister were lovely. But then I was left alone with his father when they were talking in the kitchen. Here’s what happened.

Dad, “So you do know he’s trans right?”

Me, “Yep.”

Dad, “I’ve met his past girlfriends. They’ve haven’t been good to him. Will you be?”

Me, “I hope to be, I really care about him.”

Dad, “Good. I’m going to tell you what you need to know to survive this relationship okay?”

Me, “Okay?”

Dad, “His name was ******”

Yep. That’s right. His dad told me his- I think it’s called a deadname. I don’t know much about trans people but I do know, especially after him telling me he likes newer people in his life to be distanced from his old one, that that was a bad thing to do.

Not only do I not need to know that. What the fuck has it got to do with anything? But also, that’s one of the things he clearly wouldn’t want me to know. 

Anyway, back to convo. By the way, i’m only not swearing at the dad right now cause I do want his family to like me.

Me, “Why did you tell me that?”

Dad, “They always want to know eventually. Curiosity would get the best of you and you’d ask and he’d get mad and this way I made it all easier.”

Me, “I appreciate you trying but I didn’t need to know that. I also would prefer if you refrained from telling me information about him, in that regard at least. He’ll tell me if he wants to and if not I don’t need to know.”

Dad, “Okay fine. Im just helping. You don’t even need to tell him you know it.”

Then they came back in from the kitchen. He drove me back to my place tonight, and spent the whole drive talking about how nice it was that his dad was nice to me and him and how much better of a person he’s become.

Should I tell him? And if I do, how? I think it’ll crush him. But I don’t feel comfortable keeping it a secret, that I know. Unless it would make it seem like I think it matters. Cause I don’t. Im happy to ignore what he told me cause I don’t care what his name used to be, but then is bringing it up just causing upset cause he’d rather just not talk about it? 

To be clear, I love this guy. I texted my friend and she asked if this deterred me? Cause it’s SO dramatic dating a trans guy? Please, the last boyfriend I brought home, my brother got drunk and kissed him, my dad almost sawed his thumb off and my mum poisoned him (he had an allergy). Family is drama. He’s still alive though, in case you’re wondering.

But I don’t know if this is like inserting myself into their family drama. I don’t know if this will cause drama. Or what type of drama. So… yeah. I’ll take some more advice please? ❤️

Hi again!

Yeah, I probably wouldn't bring it up again (the parenting thing) until it comes up naturally. But when it does, just reassure him that when/if the time comes, you do want kids with him, however works best for you guys.

As far as his parents. Fuck, that's horrible. Yeah, I would definitely tell him. I would start by saying something like, "I know you wanted to keep your younger years separate from your life now, and I totally respect that. But I wanted you to know that you dad shared some things with me. It doesn't change anything, but I wanted to make you aware. Do you want me to give you details, or no?"

That way you're not like "GUESS WHAT I KNOW YOUR DEADNAME." It gives him knowledge but also some space to consent and ask questions. But yeah, don't hide it. That could lead to feelings of betrayal.

You're doing great, hon <3 Let me know how it goes!

[dojae-huh]

huh nim.... Can u explain why u said jae is a bit of masochist? Nd ty too.... I don't understand... Can u please do that?

Firstly, I used the term in a joking way, I didn't follow the definition properly.

Both Taeyong and Jaehyun are ready to inflict pain on themselves, sometimes it's a way to feel worthy for them, or even loved.

Tae was given the burden of being the leader. And was told that he would be the demise of his own group. His older sister was always his protector, he is more comfortable in the role of a dongsaeng (like in Super M), he doesn't have good communication or social skills. The role of the leader is a heavy cross, but he bears it, he sacrifices for the group. Leaders can change in a group, yet Tae never asked to be freed.

We know that Tae didn't want SM to sort out the bullying accusations in later years. That's why it took 4 years. He was accused by one person "in defence" of another one, and Tae didn't want to involve the latter. He took the blame, he chose to be hurt instead of possibly inflicting more pain on the old classmate.

Tae forgives his antis. He is absorbing the hate, learns to live with it, instead of attacking back or hating.

Doyoung likes to "cat fight" with Taeyong (pinch him, twist his arms, take into a headlock), and Tae likes it, it is not "abuse", it is attention to him. He is ready to get the scratches. It applies to other "bruises" Do can inflict. Like turning the couple rings into a cover-up for JaeDo. Or "abandoning" Tae for Jae (bff vs bf).

Jaehyun is a master of endurance races. He can sleep for weeks for 4 hours and shuffle an NCT comeback and shooting of a drama, learn a dance routine in an hour. He can starve himself and go diligently to the gym to get hollowed out cheeks and abs. He can learn bowling after midnight to be able to bring a win for his team. When he was a trainee, they often practiced till 5 a.m. When TaeDo went back to dorms, Jaehyun went to his high school without sleep.

A lesser person would blame the world or Doyoung himself for not being accepted, but Jae kept his hurt to himself throught 2017. And tried to win over Do again attempt after attempt. I once compared him to a wolf who chases a large prey for days, wearing it down, heh.

Despite his jealousy, Jae chose a man who infatuates men and adopts children left and right, who is constantly paying attention to someone else, who is married to his job. Jae even has to accept Tae as someone Do won't abandon for him. Jae gets hurt, he gets irritable and puffy, openly demonstrates his discontent to make Do worry and shift attention to himself from others.

I said before that Jaehyun needs a challenge. Dealing with Do's pecularities, nagging and down days is OK with Jae, the man himself is worth it. A beautiful stallion is a restive animal, heh. The Taming of the Shrew.

Both Tae and Jae use a similar trick. They evoke Do's protective instinct. Puppy eyes, whiny voice, and Do is defeated, haha.

Another trick is to agree with Doyoung on everything when it comes to small decisions. Just give him a list of your own wishes beforehand, he will incorporate them in his plan. It's kind of amuzing to see how Johnny had to learn this "I do everything Doyoung tells me" to get on Do's good side (when in reality he is not a follower at all).

[kaeyachi]

Hello it is I, the local trans girl kaeya truther <3 anyways I need to hear ur thoughts on mtf/transfem genderqueer kaeya bc u mentioned it on ur recent post and it got me EXCITEDDD

OH BOY I HAVE A LOT OF HCs. mtf, ftm, or genderfluid Kaeya stays on my mind rent free at the penthouse luxury unit with allowances, free wifi, and breakfast buffet.

For now, let's focus with mtf Kaeya!

- Kaeya/Gaia(jp) liking her birth name because it's commonly feminine (it's how I personally feel IRL with having a masc name despite being afab, so I'd like Kaeya to feel the joy and comfort it brings me hehe). If her parents did 1 thing right, it's naming her.

- Kaeya being proud of her chest since it has grown (thru workout for now), leading to the uniform choice. She didn't fully understand why she felt happy about it for a while.

- Same with the corset! She feels better looking at the mirror with the corset on.

- Kaeya feeling comfortable hanging out with the girlies because of having similar interests. It was probably hard to notice when younger because both Jean and Diluc wanted to be knights, and she simply followed them.

- I like the idea of Kaeya figuring out a bit later in life. Being distracted with more pressing issues made it a bit harder to come to terms with how she feels tbh. It was a slow journey, but she got there, and it felt amazing once she realized.

- I want Jean to know first!! Jean would give Kaeya so many hugs and affirmations!! Jean gets another sister (when Barbara found out, she felt the same as Jean)

-re: new skin. Kaeya, still feeling a bit confused and lost when she looks at a mirror, decides to let her full head of hair grow longer instead of just keeping a lovelock. She knows she doesn't need long hair to be more fem, but it makes her feel more secure about her identity.

- Sumeru visits aren't just for wine trade negotiations and learning more about her ancestry. She also went there to ask questions about transitioning

- Kaeya scaring Diluc into thinking she has a terminal illness before telling the redhead the truth lmao. Diluc is glad Kaeya isn't dying and is proud of Kaeya (willing to fund the costs of transition), but he really wants to strangle her first...

- When younger, Adelinde found Kaeya trying on her clothes. Young Kaeya was so mortified at being found that she didn't dare try again despite Adelinde saying it was fine and that she's willing to help her try out more. It took more than a decade before adult Kaeya went to her to accept her offer to help. Adelinde finally gains a daughter she can dress up

- Kaeya finally joining in with the girlies when they have makeover parties and girls night outs! It's the best fun she has ever had and she wants more!!

- the male knights became a bit protective at first when they were told (especially since their captain frequents the bar, and even prior to saying she is mtf, she already had a fair share of admirers and creeps there) until Kaeya reminded them that she can still kick all of their asses in training (and she did kick their asses)

- the female knights feel like they won something. The top 2 people in power right now while Varka is away are women. Technically, only Albedo is the male captain within Mond (technically hehe) (Nation leaders meeting and its all women)

- Alice finding out and offering to help Kaeya to transition!! Albedo, Sucrose, and Lisa are studying more about it to help out as well instead of having Kaeya frequently visit Sumeru

- Klee calling Kaeya "big sis"!! And when playing, Kaeya is now the queen while Klee is her princess

- The abyss order finding out and are unphased, but this is duly noted and they will respect it

I just want mtf Kaeya to be loved by his friends and family!!!

[ceeroosa]

i hate to be this guy

but i will, cuz i'm seeing it a lot a lot a lot lately:

i am begging people who have poor self-esteem and are extremely sensitive to external judgements (like, say, losing your absolute shit cuz someone made a mildly shitty comment in their public bookmark of your fic)

to work on that.

no, i'm not saying it was cool for them to say something mean about you in a public space where you could see it. i'm saying it's an extremely normal thing that you can't control, and you will be happier if you figure out how to focus on handling those things over trying to control other people

sure, make the PSA's reminding people that ficwriters have feelings too and demand that people stop making negative comments in public bookmarks because you're not wrong - it is a mean thing to do.

but it is also normal.

people talk about you. sometimes it's where you can see or hear it, and often it is "behind your back."

you cannot shame, demand, plead or tantrum your way out of the fact that people talk.

people talk about everything, and often in unfavourable terms. i have known people in my life who have torn themselves apart emotionally, have created such an obscene amount of stress in their lives, over the things people have or may be saying about them to other people.

"it's WRONG" they said

"let them be wrong" I said

because at some point you have to accept the way people can be. people can be cruel as much as they can be kind. they can be smart and thoughtful and insensitive and daft.

you, my little lovely darling, cannot control that and every attempt you make to try (and yes, I'm sorry, but the aforementioned PSA's absolutely count as an attempt to control)

the more stress and pain - disappointment, shame, righteousness, violation because i set a boundary why did they do the thing i asked them not to do why doesn't anyone ever respect me - you bring on yourself.

i don't want you to hurt yourself, i don't want you to suffer more than you have to. (unless you wanted to, i guess.) i don't want the things you enjoy and feel passion for to be tainted and ruined by other people.

i wasn't born thinking this way. i also went through stages (still do! often! recently!) of being frustrated that people can just go about life doing things wrong and being cruel and being stupid and i've experienced the way just thinking in that way increases my internal distress, it increases feelings of hopelessness and powerlessness, of feeling like things happen to me instead of being an active participant in life.

the following skills have helped me greatly in managing these feelings:

radical acceptance: practicing accepting the unacceptable, letting it happen without fighting or bargaining or resisting, relinquishing all illusions of control over this, that, or the other thing while recognizing that the only thing we do have control over in this life is how we respond - and carefully choosing how to respond after allowing the reaction to pass.

distress tolerance: radical acceptance can be under the umbrella of distress tolerance, but this is basically anything that helps ease the sensations of a distressing experience; things that are comforting and soothing, distraction, and, yes, even avoidance can be a useful tactic in the right situation.

self-assurance: this one's pretty tough. you don't have to love yourself necessarily, but you do have to respect yourself because there will be moments in your life where it feels like nobody respects you and if you can't even retreat into the sureness of your Self...well, it's gonna be hard. humans are social creatures and reliance on others is not weakness, it is nature. however, we've constructed a society that does not serve us and hyper-individualism leaves people alone. regardless of whether or not it is fair or OK, we have to accept that possibility - and figure out how to be our own champions so when those moments happen, we can survive it by saying:

"I know who I am. I know that I am (a good writer, a kind person, capable, sexy, whatever). I do not need anyone to validate my identity as (a good writer, sexy, kind, etc) because I know that my actions align with my values as (a good writer, a kind person, a capable person). Even if someone else's idea of what is (a good writer, a kind person, sexy) does not align with mine, and they invalidate my identity based on their values, I still know who I am because of my values and actions."

or something of that nature.

AND I AM NOT SAYING THAT YOU DO NOT NEED EXTERNAL VALIDATION OR THAT YOU SHOULDN'T SEEK IT OUT! OR THAT YOU CAN ONLY RELY ON OR TRUST YOURSELF or anything else annoying and lone-wolf-y like that.

you deserve engagement - comments, likes, reblogs, general squee-ing over your work, being told that you are lovely and sexy and powerful - we all do!

give and receive as much validation as you can. pay it forward. but in those inevitable moments of lowness, of radio silence, of questioning if you really are who you think you are:

it pays to have your own back, to be able to focus on the steadiness of your feet and who you are rather than what other people have done, are doing, or refuse to do.