#i watched the ep all of once so some details might be off

[fightmewiatch]

The emotion behind the way Edwin uses fuck is so heavy, because outside of the pilot episode and the scene on the stairs, he doesn't swear. He's a proper boy, repressed and focused and he bottles everything up.

In the Pilot, "The police don't know what to do with a fucking witch", he isn't swearing about the witch. He's angry, and he's upset, and he's frustrated. He's trying to focus on solving this case, saving the girl, doing the right thing, fixing things. Edwin spent seventy years in Hell, fighting for a way out (the detail in his journal, he didn't get out on the first try, he spent those 70s years trying over and over and over to find a way out - but that is a story for a whole other time), torture and pain and heartbreak, only to get out and fall into the school to find out no one cared that he died. "An act of God." The school wrote him off, everyone wrote it off and that was it, that was the end of it, no one cared that a 16 year old boy went to bed and was never seen or heard from again, poof, gone. He spent Charles' last moments with him to keep him company, and calm, and not scared, the two of them knowing what had happened only for the school to once again cover up the death of a 16 year old boy and pretend that whatever happened didn't. Edwin spent the next 30 years connecting with Charles, trying to help ghosts so they don't spend their entire afterlives in a state of absolute sorrow and heartbreak like has. We get such a bare taste of the ghosts they've saved and helped move on, who knows how much good they've truly done, how many they've saved from going to Hell on technicalities like Edwin had done. He's frustrated with Crystal, because he's spent 30 years working with Charles and only with Charles, he knows his friend, he knows how he behaves and how he works and how he acts, those two are connected on a level some people only dream about, and here she comes, she latches on, and she joins them to help but she's so hyper focused on herself and David (understandably so), that she isn't giving the same attention to the case that Edwin and Charles have always done, and he's angry, and he feels like it's going to happen to this girl, he is worried that her focus on David, is going to cause them to fail. Crystal has every right to be upset and scared and everything else that she is, but she doesn't consider, until that moment, that Edwin has a right to be upset about how it seems to be interfering with the case. The way that she reacts when he says "The police don't know what to do with a fucking witch," she realizes it then just how important this case is. Edwin was dragged to hell, the boys around him obliterated - leaving behind the idea that maybe he was, too - so to the school, maybe Edwin just disappeared, like Becky, like all the other little girls over the years in Port Townsend. Solving Becky's case is so damn important to Edwin that he is taking it personally. And while it's subtle, Charles reacts to him swearing, too, as though Edwin does not swear. And based on the rest of the season, it's clear he really doesn't. The way he swears in the pilot is from a place of complete and utter sorrow and anger.

In ep 7, it's different. He's spent the whole season struggling with who is he, trying to come to terms with a feeling he'd repressed for at least a century, and he's had to do it while dealing with the Cat King and Monty and watching Charles flirt with Crystal and struggle through his own rage, he's done it as quietly as he could, as if bringing it up out loud might ruin everything that he's worked so hard for. But now he's in Hell, again, now he's trying to get out, again. Edwin encountered the reason he was sent there in the first place, and found out what really happened. Edwin spent all those years thinking it was purely malice that got him sacrificed, only to find out it was just because Simon had a crush on him, and did an absurdly stupid thing thinking it was harmless. I think in that moment, Edwin realized how easy it is to misunderstand something - because clearly, Edwin had absolutely no idea that Simon liked him at all, until the moment he admitted it in Hell. And then Charles shows up. Charles came to save him, armed with a bomb, a Molotov cocktail, and Edwin's notebook with a map of hell on it. Charles came down, he listened to Edwin's directions, he ran behind him most of the time to make sure Edwin was going to get out. Charles was with him, saving him from one of the rooms, following him to the stairs and up. He stopped with him, even when they needed to keep going, Charles let him have a moment on the steps. Edwin is in shock, he cannot believe it. All these years, all these write offs, all these moments where Edwin genuinely didn't think he'd ever get out of Hell if he were to go back, believed that if they ever got caught by Death or anyone from the afterlife, he would be damned forever because who gives a shit about a technicality, who cares about the poor boy that was sacrificed and written off by the rest of the living. Edwin didn't know what else to do or say, the emotions he'd kept bottled up while he tried to figure them out were coming out one way or the other. "It's so fucking stupid, it's unbelievable." Edwin didn't think he deserved it, thought it was stupid to come down and save him, because who would do such a thing. Charles risked himself to come down to Hell to save Edwin. Edwin never thought he'd be worth it. And when Charles just shrugs it off a bit, reminds him that he was gonna do it, and he's so easy about it that Edwin just. Confesses. And corrects him, when Charles misunderstands for a second. Charles didn't think twice about "Great. Love you too. Can we go?" And he really didn't even hesitate to reassure Edwin when Edwin clarified what he meant, that they had forever to figure things out.

[virescent-v]

I’ve always wanted to see a fic surrounding this: the aftermath of Emily’s rescue from Mr Scratch. Maybe a fluffy bath moment at home or sweet smut vibes?

Aftermath

A/N: Bestie! I loved this idea. Tbh, I had to watch that ep first because I had no idea who Mr Scratch was. I'm only on s5 of my watch through hahaha. But I watched it, and wrote this! I hope it does it some justice. I think this is really my first take at a hurt/comfort fic.

Word Count: 1.6k (I broke my less than 1k word challenge, oops) Warnings: honeslty, not too much. There is some slight smut tho.

You were told to wait at home. But the wait was excruciating. 

You hadn’t gotten many details from Penelope other than Emily had been kidnapped, drugged, and had gotten rescued. She was otherwise unharmed. You only knew that she was chasing a high profile psychopath; someone that had even Hotchner running into WITSEC. 

So, you were waiting. Impatiently. For your girlfriend to come home. So you could check her over yourself, especially since you knew she wasn’t going to be responsible and go to the hospital. 

You were broken out of your inner anxious ramblings by Emily stumbling through the front door, all but dropping her bags at her feet and practically running right to you. 

“Em,” you whispered, gathering her in your arms. You could feel her slightly shaking, the adrenaline of everything finally crashing on her. “You’re home, baby, and safe. You’re safe now,” you said, continuing to whisper sweet words to her, rubbing your hands on her back, helping to wear off some of the epinephrine coursing through her. 

You tried to pull away, so you could look at her, really look at her, but her arms shot out and grabbed you around your waist, pulling you even closer to her. Like she was trying to burrow into you. 

“Not yet,” she whispered, her nose dragging up the side of your neck, breathing in your perfume. 

“Okay, okay.” 

It takes a couple of minutes; you can feel Emily mouthing something against your skin, as if she’s trying to ground herself, reminding herself that she’s not with him anymore. Eventually, though, she loosens her grip on you, allowing you to look at her face for the first real time since she got home. 

When your eyes connect, you can see the tears shining in hers. You can feel the weight of her stare, silently communicating between the two of you. 

I almost died. 

But you didn’t, love. You’re home. 

You trail your hand up her arm, across her shoulder, and over her heart. 

You’re alive. You’re safe. 

As you tap your pointer finger on her chest in time with her heartbeat, she takes a shuddering breath, a few tears finally making their way down her cheek. She blinks a few times, not trying to hide the emotion escaping her, before taking a deep breath that seems to use all of her remaining energy. 

“Can- can we take a bath?” She asks, timidly. As if you would ever deny her anything. 

You don’t say anything. You just grasp her hand in yours and lead her to your bathroom. You sit her on the toilet, tucking some of her stray hair behind her ears. You reach over to your oversized tub, turning the water to just on the side of scalding. The temperature Emily prefers. 

As the tub fills, you watch Emily, rubbing your hands on her knees. She’s still occasionally shaking, but not as badly as when she came in. Her gaze isn’t focused on anything, worrying you that she might start receding back to memories from earlier. You know she’ll be hit with nightmares later, something you’ve dealt with before and know how to handle. You just want to prevent that for right now. 

Once the tub is full, you add some bath water oils, a eucalyptus smell. You’ve found that it’s better for keeping Emily calm over lavender or vanilla smells. 

You start to strip, placing your clothes in the hamper. Emily still isn’t focusing on anything, her eyes settled on her hands on her lap. She isn’t even registering that the bath is ready, so you approach her quietly. 

“Em, baby, the bath is ready. You need to get undressed.” 

Her eyes tracked up your body, but there wasn’t her normal heat in her gaze. Only as if she was making sure that it was really you. 

When your eyes connected, you had to stop yourself from gasping. Her eyes were turning red from trying not to cry, almost overflowing with unshed tears. 

You crouched down in front of her, your nude form not even a worry. You rubbed your thumbs across her cheeks, trying to get her to release her emotions. You’d take them from her if you could. 

Emily feels your thumbs rubbing back and forth, letting your love for her ground her to this moment. Eventually, she closes her eyes tight, all of the tears breaking free, and she starts to sob. She collapses into you, burrowing into your neck again. This time, you can hear her mumbling, wheels up, I’m home, wheels up, I’m home over and over again. A mantra. 

You give her a few minutes, letting her get out most of the current wave of emotion. You know it’ll hit her again later, likely many times, and you know you’ll take them all in stride. Anything for her. 

Another deep breath, another slow release from you. You reach over and grab some toilet paper, wiping at her teary, snotty face. You can tell she almost cracks a smile at the noise her nose makes when she blows it into the tissue; she’s slowly coming back to herself. 

After you toss the tissue in the trash, you grab the hem of her shirt. Tugging on it, Emily raises her arms, allowing you to undress her. There’s no sexual charge to your movements; this is purely emotional, intimate connection between you and your girl. 

You get in the tub first, spreading your legs so Emily can settle between them. Usually, she’s behind you, always pampering you. It’s only on rare occasions do you get to be the one caring for her, so you take pride in your movements, your ability to calm her when she most needs it. 

As she settles in front of you, you feel the last of her energy leave her. The hot water around you soothing sore muscles, easing her overworked nervous system. Her heart rate starts to slow, her breaths becoming deeper, slower, longer. 

While you know that her body is physically relaxing, you know that her mind is not. 

You never get the details of the case. She never wants to burden you with the gruesomeness of her job, doesn’t want you to worry more than you already do. Emily’s a profiler, can read anyone in the room and pinpoint their motives. But you’ve become an expert in Emily. 

You help her through the aftermath as best as you can, providing her with the space to unwind in whatever what she deems necessary - or whatever way her body deems necessary. Sometimes it’s a hot bath and a good meal, sometimes it’s body-wracking sobs on the couch, and sometimes it’s taking her to the local gym to spar with someone and let her anger out. 

You see sides of your girlfriend that you know no one else has or ever will. She’s a strong, independent person with walls taller than Everest. Somehow, you’ve managed to climb them, repel down them, and settle in. Emily let you settle in, let you unwind the barb wire around her heart. You’d protect it with your life. 

You start rubbing a soft cloth with your body wash across Emily’s body; she’s always taken comfort in your smell after a bad case. You make sure to go slow, not knowing what happened to her, not wanting to trigger anything unknowingly. 

As you reach her bent knees, you feel her flinch a little. You stop immediately, trying to check in with her again. She’s mouthing the same mantra: Wheels up, I’m home, wheels up…

“Em? Do your legs hurt?” 

A slight shake of her head. No pain, which likely means it’s something mentally. 

You continue slowly, letting her feel the cloth on her legs. “Open your eyes, Em. Your legs are okay.” 

You watch the side of her face, watch as her eyes blink open, watch as her eyes track your hands up and down her leg. 

Another deep, shuddering breath as you feel her relax back into you. She continues to watch your movements, her eyes growing more focused as they move back up her torso. 

“I need,” a whisper, caught in the dryness of her throat; she clears it before trying again. “I need you to touch me.” 

You release the cloth, notice it float away to the end of the tub. Your hands wrap around her, settling lower on her belly, resting there. You watch the side of her face again. “You sure?” 

You would never take advantage of her, not while she’s vulnerable. You’ve had this conversation before, about how sometimes after certain cases she just needs to feel connected to you, feel intertwined with something that is real.  

She turns to look at you, her nose brushing against yours as she whispers a strong, steady, “love me,” against your lips.  

She trails her hand to yours, interlocks your fingers, before bringing both of them down to her core. Interconnected, simultaneously, you start rubbing slow, steady circles on her clit, working her up easily, lovingly. 

Each brush of your fingers against her has her twitching, rolling her hips into your hands. Her head thrown back against your shoulder, you can see her feeling you, feeling your love for her. The only thing on her mind now is her, you, and the way that you make her feel. Each stroke of your fingers is a promise, a vow to protect her, keep her safe, love her. It’s a love letter of all of the things you wish you could voice, of all of the ways you care for her. 

As she nears her peak, your lips find her ear as you whisper over and over I love you, you’re home, I love you… 

Her back arches against you, her hips pressing more fully into your hand. You help her ride through the waves, gathering her in your arms as she settles back down. Your lips brush light kisses around her temple and cheek as she catches her breath. 

“I love you,” she says. “I’m home.”

[notallwonder]

thinking again about cme 17x06. as one does.

Spoilers.

I wasn't going to post because I wrote this in a sort of fugue state after staying up super late watching the ep over and over when it first dropped. but I like having a record of what I was thinking, such as it is.

Esp about the brief discussion of BAUgate, and how jj specifically says her beef is that emily wasn’t honest with “...us, with *me*”. emily’s “I am” is earnest, but she’s on a slightly different page than JJ cuz she follows that with “honestly, I want to quit”. Emily’s still drowning in her feelings about how the job is fucking her up, jj’s just over here trying to be real with her about their relationship. And it really sounds like there’s more to the “it’s about being honest with *me*” than just BAUgate. Like….is JJ wanting more honesty about whatever the fuck happened to them? It’s not a huge stretch. I love AJ Cook's performance. when I first got into the jemily of it all with cm I was very focused on Emily but as time has passed and I've watched and rewatched, it's become clearer that JJ a huge engine driving what makes jemily interesting to me.

I’ve seen folks theorize that Emily’s knowledge of BAUgate is what caused the perceived distance between her & JJ in s16, but I personally don’t fully buy into that. Emily became unit chief in 2017ish, and section chief presumably sometime in 2020-2022. It’s unclear when she was briefed on BAUgate. She tells Luke about it like it’s mostly a done deal she inherited the problem/information, the issue was apparently dealt with, and she made a judgment call about informing them. But as he pointed out, you know once it’s on the Internet it lives forever. She’s can't be naive about that. And I think she's glossing over it a bit to try to calm him down. We’ve been given no indication that Rossi had this info, though he probably knew broad strokes, and he was UC for some amount of time. My guess is she was briefed in detail on BAUgate when she became SC. So I guess BAUgate could be a component of s16 tension with JJ, especially insofar as this is a big unspoken thing that Emily has shouldered alone in order to shelter her team/friends, and is potentially emblematic of a larger pattern of Emily withholding information and not feeling free to be open with JJ as a friend because of her professional responsibilities. But I think if we take their distance seriously it has to go deeper than this one thing. Because the weirdness between them goes back further than evolution. It’s also in the way JJ chose to fuck off to New Orleans instead of taking over as UC as Emily planned. [where does this fit in the “we don’t quit” narrative that JJ spins?]. It’s in the way we don’t know exactly why JJ & Will decided to move back to Virginia. It’s in the way some awkwardness, resentment, isolation, hurt, whatever brewed between them during the pandemic years (and before!), and perhaps unspoken history made it difficult for them to be normal with one another on a personal level.

To me, the weirdness of their interactions in s16 is most egregious in the lack of direct comfort/interaction after JJ & Luke were blown up in the shipping container. And maybe a little in the fact that Emily so happily greeted Will, of all people, when they all returned from California (made me laugh so hard my god). But the relative stiffness of their interactions has been consistent since season 12/13, I think (thinking about the what ifs/if onlys convo). As though one or both of them were making an effort to be professional but not too personal, or keep it benign and surface level because dealing openly with whatever they had going on deep down would be too painful.

I’m so glad this convo happened in a more relaxed setting. They were going to have a talk at the office! it would have been more buttoned up, might have even played more into the underlying tension between them. It wouldn’t have been JJ trying to keep Emily from quitting. Could have been harder for Emily to really hear all of what JJ was saying to her, in that environment.

Speaking of all of what JJ was saying. !!!

I agree this is a confession of love. And it’s fucking beautiful. It’s JJ being vulnerable about how much Emily’s presence in her life means to her. JJ’s telling Emily that they are stronger than their predecessors in part *because they have been a source of strength for each other, for years.* Paris, the miscarriage, yes. And, and. JJ is and has always been so strong as an individual. But Emily was also JJ’s quiet strength in Georgia, the hospital waiting room, the stalking case, the bank robbery, in Reid & Penelope’s abduction, in East Allegheny. JJ saw and believed in Emily’s humanity - her hidden dreams - from early days. She pulled her through those bleak 7 months in exile. How many times has JJ taken the sting out of Emily's mood like she did on the jet in 11x19 Tribute? JJ is making herself a source of strength for Emily, right here in this conversation (*make* them fire you!, don’t just roll over). They have such a history of mutuality: of comradery, kindness, deep care, showing up. It’s not romantic in name but can easily be read that way. It’s *really* fucking romantic, even if it’s platonic. Do you know what I mean???????

I’m obsessed with AJ Cook’s choices throughout. OBSESSED.

The way JJ pauses for that moment after “it gives me you”, making steady eye contact, letting it really sink in. She got brave, and it landed. Then she kind of rolls her eyes at herself, maybe a little annoyed at the tears starting to come, maybe a little embarrassed that she’s letting this truth out into the world.

And the “Always.” Dropping eye contact, retreating from the moment a bit. A bit afraid to watch Emily’s reaction - but also she does very deliberately look directly at Emily again for a split second! That “Always” has carried a torch, for a very long time. That “Always” at least never admitted to Emily how much it hurt when she left. How much the distance has hurt.

~ I’ve been through hell in this job but it brought us together (I love you). You’ve kept me going through awful things (I love you). Of course I’ll support you whatever you decide (I love you). I’ll always support you even when you leave me (I love you). You’ve left me before and it hurt and it didn’t stop me from loving you (I love you). Please hang on; please stay; please come back to me (I love you, I love you, I love you). ~

*gentle screaming*

And, oh my god, Emily’s reactions. Emily had no idea this conversation was going to go where it did. Immediately defensive when JJ mentions Paris - she’s still in the part of the game where she’s protesting being convinced to stay, and Paris feels like a low blow. The way she crumples into “oh goddammit” when JJ brings up the miscarriage. Oh now it’s clear this is going deeper. Like, WHAT is the full story there??!! JJ was pregnant when she came to Emily’s rescue, right? So the attack and miscarriage happened while Emily was tucked away in Paris. We know JJ was Emily’s only(?) connection to her real life in that period, and here’s confirmation that Emily was a lifeline for JJ during that time as well, perhaps implying that she wasn’t confiding in her husband, at least not fully. You know how JJ tends to keep the hard things to herself, and she was forced to keep secrets for her safety and Emily’s safety. But she shared this with Emily. Maybe Emily had to push her (she “didn’t quit” on JJ), but they were already both in the dark, so to speak, so JJ could let herself lean on that support without bringing that darkness into her home life. Emily’s “goddammit” to me sounds like: memories of grief upon grief upon desperate isolation. Sounds like: I put those memories away and it took something out of me to do it. Sounds like: That was when their love for each other deepened, grew richer and more complex. That was when something more might have started to bloom between them, some doomed but lovely unnamed thing. And then it was locked away. And JJ has the audacity to acknowledge it? Now? Emily’s been spiraling about what’s the point of fighting this battle, when I feel like I’m losing myself? And JJ calls up the memory of this awful, bleak time when they both felt horrendously lost and they *got each other through it.* I mean. I MEAN

I love Emily’s shocked reaction as JJ’s confession lands. Either Emily’s feelings never breached the platonic barrier (not my interpretation!), or she put away the possibility years ago and did her damnedest to not look back. You can see her wheels turning, her uncertainty about what JJ’s revealed, her wanting to tread carefully. And when Rossi texts and she has to make a choice? JJ’s looking at her with those big blue eyes. Time to table the full depth of the moment. Sprinkle in a little bravado. The thing about being an adult is, you still have to go to all hands meetings while you’re having an earth shattering realization.

……..

Another thing about “it gives me you.” JJ has probably resigned herself to the fact that working at the BAU is the only way she gets to “have” this much of Emily. It’s part of why she came back from New Orleans, even if never acknowledged or articulated.

You know it’s a good scene when it makes me want to watch a bunch of other scenes. Even scenes I hate. Like…I want to revisit Reid talking Emily off the ledge, the truth or dare confession (loathsome!), the scene where Emily decides to stay on as UC in s12 (love this one). The Forever People (Mr Macbeth my beloved).

Honestly maybe JJ’s poly and she doesn’t know it, hasn’t let herself consider it. She’s evidently got a lot of love to give. And that needn’t be framed as some kind of betrayal of her vows or callous carelessness with her friend’s hearts, not to my mind. Plus, like, three cheers for letting your love for someone simply be what it is, however amorphous or uncategorizable, however little you can or want to act on it.

*******

Oh my god I’ve watched this scene over and over and over. I have total brain worms about it. I feel insane. I forgot to eat lunch and dinner

*******

Jennifer Jareau. This is AJ Cook’s season, it’s her show now. I am all the way in forever and ever

.

.

.

when CME socials started posting Jemily stuff and AJ said “ultimate Jemily moment” and Paget lightly teased……I just laughed. Like, okay, sure, ancient CBS procedural. Sure, my little carousel of disappointments. Sure. LOL. After all these years, they are not going to go there, and I wouldn’t even want them to.

I did not in a million years expect them to crack open the door like this. I still don’t think they’re going to break up JJ & Will. I am not expecting a Jemily kiss. But after this episode - the pathway to such a thing is clearer than it was. And now I think if they did choose to go there, they could maybe (maybe!!) even do it well. Shocking development. Has a lot to do with AJ's performance tbh. The writing is fine, despite the way it seems to twist the facts of canon around bts reality. But she's the one laying JJ's heart bare.

.

.

.

If this is it, the full extent of JJ’s and Emily’s scenes together this season (which would be weird!), I will still walk away with warm feelings. I’m honestly feeling so grateful for the way this episode gave them room to honor the history of these characters.

Grab your keys. Let’s fuckin’ roll.

[diamondcitydarlin]

Doing my usual rewatches of the first two seasons of DiP (I literally watch both of them or an ep once a week, at least, I WISH I WAS JOKING) and I started internalizing this little detail in the premiere of season 2, when they're investigating the plantation murder during Erzulie week etc. It's, on the surface just this silly moment of Richard collapsing into a chair and putting a damp towel over his face

HOWEVER, this time I actually took note of the fact that 1) he's not wearing his suit jacket for what I think is the FIRST time in the station, there may have been an exception or two in the first season but I don't think so, he keeps it on like armor at all times no matter how hot it is. 2) he's not even sitting his own desk as he so normally would have in season one, he just plops down into Camille's seat without a second thought from either her or him, despite seating arrangements being a bit of an issue for him in the first season.

And then later, when he has an epiphany about the trap door, he's so wrapped up in it that he just...initially forgets said jacket AND his briefcase, the two things he usually clings to. He does turn back to get them (from Camille, who had waited by them in anticipation that he would remember) but then doesn't even waste time to put the jacket on before running out the door again lol

The point is, I think, that through these masterfully little, seemingly inconsequential details, we're starting to see Richard really acclimate and find comfort in his 'new' surroundings. If the suit jacket is part of his 'armor' that he wore regardless of how hot it was or his own personal comfort (which I think psychologically it is for him, still tying him to England and what he knows) then it says a great deal that Richard would finally be in a place to shuck it off without really thinking about it, that he's grown so comfortable with and trusting of Fidel, Dwayne and Camille that he wouldn't feel that subconscious impulse to keep it on at all times. Notice though, that it all DOES go back on when he's facing suspects he doesn't know.

And then there's Camille's chair. Again, it's not a big deal or anything anyone even notices in the actual scene, but it's a far cry for me from season one where he always made a point to sit at his OWN desk, in his OWN chair at all times, somewhat cut off and isolated from the rest of the group. Not here though. He sits in someone else's chair (again, without really thinking about it) in such a position that he's immersed in the main group while they discuss the case.

I can't help but wonder how this could have been taken further, if Richard had been on the show longer and they had kept up with this kind of subtle signaling. Maybe over time we'd see him regularly start to roll up his sleeves, even take off his tie and loosen his collar while working on cases at the station. Maybe even at some point, many seasons later, he starts slowly transitioning to more breathable Caribbean clothes, piece by piece. Maybe after a time a short sleeved, button down breathable shirt that resembles his English uniform, for instance. Pleated, but breathable khaki-colored trousers, maybe. (Could we get him to sandals?? Idk about that one but maybe lol)

It's honestly so sweet to me, to watch this very guarded character begin to unconsciously dismantle his own metaphorical walls in ways he never would have been able to even back home in England, and I think the fact that these moments ARE so subtle and go pretty much unnoticed by the main characters is what makes them significant and capable of happening. No one even thinks to remark on it, because it's just the natural thing to happen. It's where he's meant to be, one might say.

[vexedallay]

I have so many thoughts abt epsilon guys, so it's analysis post time-

Warning: long post below cut

So, they're not human, right? Their body is that of a robot, so presumably their mind is some sort of computer or AI (and here I mean an actual goddamn artificial intelligence, not a "generative ai" or some bs). So their entire fucking mind is made of code, and things like "variability" doesn't really exist. In order for someone like epsilon to function, they need to break down the complexity of human nature into sets of rules that govern how social interaction, society, and the world in general works. They can then follow these rules and be fine. (This is how my brain works, btw. Computers make more sense than people to me) Epsilon can understand that their rules might not be complete, and is flexible enough to add more when encountering new scenarios, but they do expect their rules to be accurate. They are very much a person of logic rather than emotion. As they have mostly only interacted with other robots and artificial beings, who function in much the same way, this works for them. However, when interacting with actual people, this doesn't work as well. People are notably often governed by emotion, not logic, and are incredibly prone to spontaneity. As such, Epsilon really has no idea how to interact with them sometimes, especially with little kids.

Epsilon also refers to living people as "organics" and robotic things as "artificials" because that is how they separate those two groups mentally. There's too many types of people, too many types of robots, so Epsilon refers to the makeup of their bodies instead. This isn't necessarily an insult, it simply is. But it is a fun detail about Epsilon habits.

Also since epsilon is a robot, they can do things like be rebuilt. This is a massive thing in the actual portal storyline - being able to rebuild these robots over and over again to continue testing. Even if Epsilon wasn't programmed initially to feel pain, they are a learning system (that's what makes them so good) so there isn't a reason they couldn't have *learned* to feel pain, or at least some facsimile of it. Additionally, them watching their body get destroyed and rebuilt it bound to be traumatizing anyways, which means I just gave this robot ptsd. Oops.

Anyhow, how does epsilon actually *survive* being destroyed, much less *watch*. First off, Epsilon only exists in their memory files. They can be *completely* disconnected from their body, lose access to *all* of their sensory systems, yet still be *alive*. (This is also bound to be incredibly traumatizing since they are basically completely at the mercy of whoever happens to find them, completely unable to defend themself.) And, if they needed to watch, glados is there and watching anyways. Since epsilon only exists in their memory files, they could be hooked up to other sensory systems, through network connections and whatnot. I'd imagine glados does this on purpose as a sort of threat to epsilon.

I do want to mention glados at least briefly. She definitely had some level of control over at least Epsilons body and sensory systems, which in general is rough (complete understatement). She also put Epsilon through all of these tests, making Epsilon a lab rat. Which means Epsilon likely has the *mentality* of a lab rat. So high levels of obedience, no real purpose to life (currently they want to find rho-13, but once they find him they won't have a purpose at all), etc. Which is just fun to play with.

Also, I like to think Epsilon uses they/them pronouns because they never got a gender module installed, and learned that they/them was the default. So they're a they/them guy with no actual preference.

Fibally, Epsilon definitely thinks of themself as EP-511ON56. They're a robot, and that is their serial number. The same way they think of RHO-13 as his serial number rather than a proper name. The reason they *use* this nickname is because organics don't like listing serial numbers constantly, so Epsilon.

Anyhow, long af ramble about epsilons character? Complete.

[that-left-turn]

Saw your post about advertising revenue going down. Subscriptions to AMC for Q1 went up while TOWL was airing. What are your hopes for TBOC drawing in new audiences for AMC? Do you think Caryl is a big enough draw and if not in its current state what needs to change?

Subscriptions going up while TOWL aired was good (for AMC). The question is if it's fans of that particular show dipping in and then dropping off? AMC can't appeal to the larger TWD fanbase for all the spinoffs. They've slimmed down, so they need to find ways to grow those individual audiences and they need to retain them for the longhaul.

The appeal of TBOC is in the lead characters and sadly, not the story. Zabel hasn't done his homework (which an incoming showrunner should do): he has either only watched the montage and final scene of the flagship show, or he's relying on what other EPs have told him about the characters and their arcs. That's why he thought Ezekiel was Daryl's friend, since he was there to see Daryl off in the series finale.

Contrary to what you'd believe from looking at the fandom and the loudest screaming individuals, Carol resonates with the general audience, so seeing her again will probably draw curious viewers, but will they stick around? It depends largely on how her character arc is handled and also, her relationship with Daryl. They have natural chemistry, which the show should capitalize on as it comes with a built-in audience.

Will it, though?

From what I know about TBOC, Carol and Daryl's individual arcs merge at the end of block 2/beginning of block 3, so 204-205-ish. That means half the season has them separated. That's not ideal for a show where the main appeal lies in the relationship between the leads (whether romantic or platonic). Their emotional drives appear uneven, from my limited view of the beats, which might also be a viewer deterrent.

I think AMC needs to go all-in on canon once the storylines intersect—especially as it looks like we're in for some heavy nunbaiting—to at least get some good word of mouth and maybe draw back parts of the audience who've given up on the show. There were people who stopped watching TWD in S7-8 who came back after the original Caryl spinoff was announced. Having a loyal core audience is vital, so the studio needs to insure that those viewers are invested and engaged.

The show also needs a story engine. The escort mission in S1 had little urgency, beyond Daryl looking for a radio, and the actual meat and potatoes of the external plot was nondescript. Laurent was said (prophesied, really, by a Buddhist monk) to be the new Messiah who will "save humanity." It's very fuzzy on the details and not in a way that implies mystery. It screams of hand waving. The show has to draw in horror fans with a season arc that services the genre.

Caryl fans would watch for a good emotional arc and the GA should be treated to a well-conceived external plot. If you can cater to both of those demographics, you can grow the audience (because people tell others when they like a show) but it hinges on tight storytelling. You have to have an actual detailed plan and not a vague idea of where you're going—pantsing might work for a novelist, but never for a screenwriter. There's an A story, a B story and you may have a couple of runners, for the season as well as individual episodes, so a TV show requires organization. (And I'm getting off-topic here, so I'll leave the logistics at that.)

I'm not confident in TBOC based on what I know of Zabel's writing in general, his management of S1, his statements to the media and what I know about TBOC. I think the show needs a redirect into a different subgenre and some fresh ideas that showcase McReedus playing off each other and Caryl being thrust into the unfamiliar (both to the characters and the audience)—we need to see something new while the characters stay in-character to tether them to the character development already done on the flagship show. (And now I've written 'character' so many times that the word has lost all meaning 🙈)

Zabel played loose and fast with Daryl's backstory in S1. Fans are invested in those details and if it's made it to screen, the showrunner can't ignore them to shoehorn the already well-established protagonist into a plot involving new characters. He shouldn't love his own original creations more than the actual main character. All of these things give me pause as to Zabel's suitability as a showrunner for a show that already has a preexisting ecosystem.

That said, it looks like the show is getting delayed to a fall premiere, promo seems to be on a hold and the season finale may still be in post, which could be signs of AMC fixing problems and/or changing direction.

Sorry the answer was neither short nor succinct, but I hope it gave some clarity regarding my thought process. Obviously, like everybody else, I have ideas of what I'd do to increase ratings, but I'm not the person in the hot seat 🙃 I'm waiting for the panel at Tribeca to see what I can decipher from the inevitable sell speak.

It may be a long summer for us.

[familyabolisher]

omg I don’t remember the Van Gogh ep very well pls say more

there’s something just very unpleasant and patronising about the whole tone that the episode takes. i’m not especially fond of the tendency to narrativise real people anyway, but i think some of dw’s other episodes manage to strike a more lighthearted tone which aims to build a plot around the presence of a famous historical figure (charles dickens, agatha christie, shakespeare, regrettably churchill), sometimes exploiting biographical details (the plot of the unicorn and the wasp hinges on christie’s real-life three-day disappearance, for instance, and draws not inconsiderably from the breakdown of her marriage) but often not seeking to inhabit or interiorize the historical figure in question to an extent that supercedes the desire to like, tell a story in an episode of doctor who. the tone of the episodes doesn’t tend to veer outside of the register of like, It’s The Fun BBC Science Fiction Show.

by contrast, there’s something very … condescending, i think, about how van gogh (the real van gogh!) is treated in vincent and the doctor. it strikes this odd tone between like a platitudinous approach to the nebulous concept of ‘mental health’ of the #BeKind ilk and this almost voyeuristic desire to paint a mentally ill man as, like, at once necessarily separate from the audience such that we must Encounter him (the presumed audience is never themselves mentally ill; we are here to Learn about mental illness and to Reflect on our desire to disenfranchise the mentally ill! etc) and available to us as a source from which we can extract all sorts of Lessons about Mental Health. the tone of the episode is very self-serious; it is very clearly aware of itself as an episode with Something To Say. that being, that VVG’s suicidality couldn’t have been prevented by the doctor and amy or by idk The Power of Art (And One’s Own Legacy Within It), that the doctor is limited in what ‘monsters’ he can fight and what ‘monsters’ he cannot, that we (for whom the doctor + amy briefly become audience surrogates 1 and 2, amy in particular) are tasked with Being Kind anyway because we might make a small difference in someone’s life such that they, for example, dedicate a painting of sunflowers to us. (lmfao?)

it’s just weirdly cannibalistic; it’s taking this historical figure and extrapolating a bunch of like, sweeping moralising statements and supposedly affecting scenes (i know many people find the scene in the musée d’orsay vv affecting; i thought it was stupid, sorry), trying to say something about artistic brilliance & artistic legacy but not really landing on anything coherent or interesting beyond like, art by marginalised people is depreciated (true!) but we can fix that by appreciating it, in the musée d’orsay (fuck off!), but Even That can’t make someone not suicidal (true but collapsed by the narrative as quickly as it comes, and also not really … interesting). it wants so badly to say something about van gogh, but it doesn’t feel like an episode that cares about van gogh the man as much as it cares about using van gogh as a metonymic shorthand for all these ideas around Mental Health and Art and Madness and Legacy. which is what i meant when i said it feels cannibalistic—and intrusive at points! i felt uncomfortable watching it in ways that i didn’t with eg. the dickens, christie, shakespeare eps.

[ajaxbell]

Learn The Truth 😂

Please enjoy my completely unhinged thoughts on The Truth S2, in which I use the word 'fun' way too many times.

So I'm kind of obsessed with this show (my mini recap of the ep 0 pilot here). I described it to non-drama watching friend as like being at a murder mystery house party but with some of your fave Chinese celebrities instead of your friends. It's just fun. The Truth S2 (aka 开始推理吧 第二季, aka Start Reasoning 2) is a Chinese comedy variety show about investigating murders.  An overview on how it works:

Each set of episodes is set in certain time period. The six cast members are given details about their character in that time period (but the other cast seem to only know the info about their own character and are surprised by everyone else's reveals), a preset story plays out and an NPC is murdered. Then two characters deemed free of suspicion (I'm actually not sure how this is determined) become investigators and the other four are the suspects.

The investigators check the scene and body for clues, then all six sit in a room while those clues are presented, and then each suspect has a box of gathered clues about each other. Like Suspect A will say 'here is what was found in Suspect C's room' and then  show the incriminating evidence, while Suspect C tries to explain using their backstory notes and everyone else teases and mocks them. Then there's a some sort of mysterious test and if the murderer passes it then they can make one of the investigators an 'X' meaning the investigator will help them escape discovery. Then once they've all shared their evidence and backstories, they go out into the sets (a huge building of different rooms) and try and solve the mystery by finding more clues.

This season stars Bai Yu (yes from Guardian), Liu Yuning, Dilraba Dilmurat, Zhang Linghe, Zhou Keyu (who is apparently American???), and Wang Xun (who has more credentials than the rest of the cast combined). It's an interesting mix of ages and backgrounds that seems to be working, mostly because they are all eventually revealed to be chaos gremlins. Also LYN, BY, and ZKY were on The Truth S1, so they are the 'seniors' here.

Episodes 1 & 2 are set in the 1920s in a cabaret club. Same characters, location, etc. but a different murder in each ep, with an over arcing separate (non-murder) mystery with its own clues going on simultaneously. Episodes 3 & 4 are in 1988 in trading company office.  I've seen some incredible costumes that might or might not be from ep 4. They don't seem to fit what I've seen so far (through ep 3) but ep 2 goes so far off the rails from where it starts that I'm willing to accept anything might fit in these bonkers storylines.

We're only 3 eps in and am unable to count the number of times I've shouted "wait, what!?" at the screen. To be fair some of this is because it's only available to me (in the US) with terrible machine translated subtitles. It's almost like a whole separate game just to parse these out. And some of it is nonsensical and confusing, and some is utterly delightful, like Liu Yuning telling a story that starts "when I was young girl..." But mostly there's a lot of weird direct translation of names that is simply so confusing that you have to just guess what they are saying in context.

Despite that it's a joy to watch. To see who is really picking up clues, to watch them all constantly eat snacks (seriously so many snacks in this show), to see how they play the story lines they are given,  and to see them interact with each other. Things I didn't know I needed to see, like how pleased with himself ZLH is Every time he solves a problem but especially a math problem (he was an engineering student before he was an actor). And LYN's ability to instantly solve puzzle boxes (maybe because he does magic tricks sometimes?) Dilraba's incredible ability to spot clues in weird places that no one else seems to notice.

So I've said this is fun and it is, all on its own. But I am absolutely obsessed with this show so far because the actors keep making it gay when they really don't have to. Like just for fun. Even if none of the actors are queer (unlikely) at least two of the actors have been in bl drama adaptations, and at least two more have been in shows with Gong Jun, so I assume they all at least know from gay, you know?  Some of it feels like the good old days of TV in my youth (in the last century) when we had to ship folks to make our own gay, which the restrictions of Chinese are making increasingly necessary. Some of it is probably just like my own wishful thinking. And because of the terrible subtitles a lot of it is me just saying "wait did that just actually happen, or did I just think it did?" (Nothing says fun like gaslighting yourself about whether something is gay, lol.)

There are also a lot of good running jokes developing. At some point in Ep 1 Bai Yu called everyone 'little killers' (xiao shashou) and it really caught on. And now every time a suspect is defending themself against evidence someone will say, laden with sarcasm, the equivalent of "sure you're innocent, little killer."  Everyone keeps calling Zhang Linghe "Handsome He" and I literally cannot figure out if this is in the script or just them teasing him (because there seems to be a lot of teasing of ZLH). In addition to this the cast is making a lot of gay jokes and it's lovely because it's clearly not mean-spirited or cruel. Some seem to be just obvious and fun. But others I can easily interpret as the cast simply being like "hey, there is no gay here, let's put some gay here! It's fun!" In ep two there's a conversation that went something like this (I'm paraphrasing the subtitles)

ZKY *in character reading from I think another character's journal?*: Young Marshal He [ZLH's character] lifted his head and looked towards Young Marshal Ning [LYN's character] with a complicated emotion in his eyes. ZKY *out of character*: "What emotion?" Dilraba: What type of story is this? (omg the look on her face, she knows) ZLH *starts laughing and looking shy* LYN: *singing to ZLH* I've finally learned how to love… ❣️‼️ Dilraba *looking overjoyed*: This is so messy! (ZLH's character is supposed to be in love with her character, and LYN's character is her character's brother) ZLH (continues to laugh while simultaneously looking pleased and shy)

Then as they go on around the sets looking for clues and solving thing they just keep referencing this joke of ZLH's character and LYN's character being the ones in a romance in the story. But like I guess subtly enough that it gets past censorship? But like obvious enough I got it even with the terrible subtitles. And after this it's like all I can not to analyze every scene for good gay joke content.

There's several scenes while they are searching for clues and the lights go out and something scary happens. These presumably leave the cast unable to see in pitch black, but are filmed with some kind of night vision (nice to see who is dying their hair by how it comes out weird in the night scope, lol). So I'm bopping along wondering if I'm feeling creepy for how I'm kind of starting to ship LYN and ZLH and then the lights go out and I'm forced to frantically text by friend: "OMG the lights just went off on The Truth and LYN plastered himself, chest to back, on ZLH, then they grabbed Dilraba and pulled her in and now this is some kind of perfect bisexual triad that I didn't know I wanted?" And I'm sitting there, having watched it three times, asking myself if that's what really happened. Then the show's official Weibo posts it with the caption "After the lights go out, Liu Yuning became Zhang Linghe’s backpack." I mean, c'mon!!

the subtitles here are something like- LYN "let's sing to make ourselves brave" ZKY *sings the alphabet song and everyone joins in* LYN "what no, not this song."

And the scene carries on, the new bisexual triad of my dreams with arms linked and everyone being so cute that I can't stop thinking about for days. And then later the show decided to get a certain clue ZLH and LYN had to stand face to face and get wrapped like a mummy. Because why not? 😅😂 I was already being ridiculous about this, why not just SPOON FEED IT TO ME? And then. And then... Remember in ep 2 when LYN starts singing "I finally learned how to love" to ZLH? Welp then LYN posts the most theater kid emo gay boy video imaginable with song on his Weibo. A video that just screams, "I'm so deep, and cannot ever share my deep, meaningful conflicted feelings." And which point I'm forced to text my friend, "OMG is THIS the show that's finally going to turn me in to a delusional shipper? Of LYN and ZLH? This was not on my bingo card. Like totally out of left field." And yet here we are. I'm not proud of what this show has done to me. But obviously I'm not embarrassed enough to not post about either.🤡

Now I've written this entire rambling mess just so I could share that with you all my unhinged obsession with the gay subtext and gay jokes in this show. Like eagerly watching with popcorn looking for that next little single line or physical touch that I can make something huge out of. A week later and I'm still thinking about a moment when ZLH casually called LYN 'ge' while touching his shoulder because it felt so real and out of character for the scene. Because seriously, what is even happening in this show? Is this all happening, is it actually on screen, or am I finally really having a reality break? I think the point of this post was to convince you to watch this beautifully bonkers show, but I got really distracted by the gay. But like maybe that too will convince you to watch these absolute chaos gremlins?

[addictedtostorytelling]

I’ve been doing a bit of a csi watch lately and i’ve just finished blood drops. It really is such a close parallel to sara’s own past. I think at the time, they perhaps didnt know quite what was going on with sara’s past or maybe hadn’t narrowed down details - i don’t know writer decisions! But watching back, i think its a shame that this ep was done so early because itcould have provided such a fantastic thing for sara once her background was more well established - or perhaps, as the gateway for her bg to be told. Either could have worked well. Not that i want to see her suffer more, but from a storytelling pov i think it could have been interesting for this ep to play out in a later season and really affect sara, have her experience flashbacks or panic and back out of the scene. Basically for it to be clear that something about this scene is really getting to her. It could be we already know as the details of her situation have already been said, so we can draw an obvious connection, or that we don’t and upon asking why she’s so affected, she explains. Either way it also would have been prime gsr material, as gil could comfort her. It also might have been a good oppertunity for someone other than gil to do so, perhaps catherine or greg, since most of sara’s show of /healing of trauma is gil related. It would have been nice to see support (knowing support) come from somewhere else.

Bit of a ramble, sorry! Hope it made sense aaaa! Suppose i was just wondering if you felt the same in that the episode was so perfect that it might have been better used further down the line, rather than at the start of season 1? <3

hi, anon!

i can definitely see where you’re coming from and think that experimenting with the premises you put forward in your ask—i.e., moving the events of the episode back in the timeline and/or using them as an inroad to explore sara’s trauma in more detail—could be really fun in a fic setting.

that said, in canon, i'm pretty okay with episode 01x07 “blood drops” occurring both when and how it does.

i don’t consider it a wasted opportunity.

if you're interested in my reasoning, i've got it after the "keep reading."

__

so.

every story has to start somewhere, and, the way i see things, episode 01x07 “blood drops” provides the right start to sara’s trauma arc.

to me, the point of that episode (sara-wise) is to introduce the sense that there is something going on with her beneath the surface but not to fully elucidate what that something is as of yet.

to that point in s1, the sara we’ve seen has been ambitious about her cases and somewhat brusque with her new colleagues, with the exception of grissom, whom she softens around. while she hasn’t been dispassionate by any means and has even at times shown some emotional vulnerability—like in episode 01x03 “crate n’ burial,” when finding the “victim” buried alive causes her to despair the cruelty of people—there hasn’t, until now, been any sense that her reactions have been anything more than just the normal kinds of beats for a compassionate, justice-minded investigator.

episode 01x07 “blood drops” is where we see that assumption challenged.

a first crack in the armor.

it is the initial leg in a narrative that is meant to be a marathon, not a sprint, and it succeeds in its objective of kicking off that distance race, showing that what is happening to brenda clearly strikes a personal chord with sara, provoking an emotional response beyond even what the tragedy of the case might be expected to elicit from her, though not explaining wherefore, leaving that explanation off to be expounded on later, in subsequent episodes and seasons.

i think the episode does its job when you watch it through the first time: it makes you (along with grissom) go, “what’s going on here? what's driving sara's behavior?”

but then the real beauty of the thing is when you rewatch it again after having seen episode 05x13 “nesting dolls,” and you can see, in retrospect, all of those parallels and connections, the way the one story informs the other.

imo, the episode isn’t any less significant to sara’s arc or any less revealing of her because it happens early on in the timeline. the parallel isn’t less effective because it works reaching backward from episode 05x13 “nesting dolls” to episode 01x07 “blood drops” as opposed to going in the other direction.

it still exists. it's still recognizable. it still informs our understanding of sara’s story.

the necessary information is all there; it’s just sublimated.

like a fossil buried beneath the surface of the earth, with only just one tiny fragment of bone sticking out, the shape and size of what’s there will become more apparent upon further excavation.   

while the writers didn’t know sara's full story at that point—according to ann donahue and josh berman, they first started to piece together what would eventually become sara’s canonical backstory circa the writing of episode 01x10 “sex, lies, & larvae”—they did know enough to show that her reaction to the case (and, specifically, to brenda) wasn’t just the normal compassion of an investigator but rather something more deeply personal, pressing up against some very raw nerves for her. they also knew enough to make grissom her touchpoint—the character who is on the receiving end of her belligerent, aloof weirdness at the crime scene and who most noticeably reacts to her uncomfortable jokes at the team meeting.

and in doing so, they set a precedent, laying the foundations for both sara’s character and the gsr relationship.

though neither grissom as a character in the story nor we as the audience outside of it yet realize as much at the time when the events of episode 01x07 "blood drops" are taking place, with repeated exposure, both he and we come to recognize that that abrasiveness in sara, that in-your-faceness, that poke-the-bear behavior, is actually what a trauma response looks like from her.

we’ll see it time and time again with her in subsequent episodes such as 01x10 “sex, lies, & larvae,” 01x16 “too tough to die,” 01x23 “the strip strangler,” 03x14 “one hit wonder,” 04x03 “homebodies,” and 04x23 “bloodlines,” until finally we get to its most blatant example, episode 05x13 “nesting dolls,” which serves as the climax to the storyline—and the point at which grissom has finally accumulated enough evidence to draw a conclusion about sara and approach her with it, showing up on her doorstep to say, "here's what i know, now please tell me the rest. i promise i'll be gentle with it."

by then, that moment of revelation is a thoroughly earned one, both for sara as an individual character—because after so long spent desperately trying to keep this huge, painful secret, to the point of alienating everyone she cares about from her, she is finally at a place where she just can’t anymore; she doesn’t want to; she needs to give voice to those memories and name the terrible thing; to confide in someone—and for grissom and sara as a couple—because for all of his many missteps over the years, something grissom has always done right is that he has consistently shown up for sara, proving to her through his patience, persistence, and refusal to allow her to push him away that he cares about her unconditionally and that he wants to be there for her, come what may.

the fact that episode 05x13 “nesting dolls” brings not only that moment of catharsis for sara but also paves the way for grissom and sara’s romantic relationship in vegas is so narratively satisfying; a culmination of so many plot threads, finally woven together.

and the way i see things, we might not have gotten to the moment of sara tearfully telling the story of her family tragedy to grissom as he sits across from her on her living room sofa in 2005 had he not first witnessed her acting ~off~ about the child survivor of a domestic homicide case back in 2000, you know?

episode 01x07 “blood drops” was that first domino to topple over.

and as for the issue of the sara never letting more people than just grissom in on her trauma of her own volition, honestly? i don’t necessarily see that part of the story needing to change, either.

we can discuss the healthiness or unhealthiness of sara’s decision to only ever (of her own volition) confide in just one person about her trauma elsewise, but at the end of the day it’s true to her character that she would never choose to open up about her childhood to her wider circle of friends.

given her private nature, her deep-seated fears of rejection, the way she trusts, what intimacy really means for her, how she wants to portray herself in public, how close to the surface her emotions run, how deep the pain of her trauma really is, how she attempts to cope, what her aspirations are for herself, etc., etc., that behavior on her part just tracks.

i likewise don't regret the fact we never get any flashbacks to sara's childhood (barring the audio ones in episode 05x13 "nesting dolls") or see her having the "classic tv panic attack" because i think her trauma is clearly articulated as is; what is implied is implied well enough.

i actually appreciate that her trauma responses are different (and even less straightforwardly "sympathetic") than the ones more frequently portrayed in media, as not all ptsd looks the same and some responses are quieter and harder to clock—more on the level of changes to the demeanor, isolation from others, engaging in risk-taking behaviors, etc.

so.

like i said up front: i could imagine some really interesting fics that might involve moving the events of episode 01x07 “blood drops” to occur later on sara’s timeline, using them either to directly precipitate her first confession regarding her past or to follow up on it (a la episode 05x21 “committed” in canon). i can likewise imagine some really interesting fics that made the episode more sara and/or gsr-centric and/or where other characters than grissom became involved in responding to sara’s behavior. there could be lots of cool storytelling avenues to explore along those lines.

@bartramcat used to wish we could have gotten an episode 01x07 "blood drops" callback featuring a teenage or young adult brenda collins in the later seasons of the show, maybe in place of the storyline we got in episode 15x12 "dead woods," and i can see how that option could be a very intriguing one to fic, as well.

but ultimately i'm glad to have the episode as is in canon.

of all of the complaints i have about writing decisions on csi, the way sara’s s1-s5 trauma arc plays out isn’t generally one of them. i think both its pacing and the way sara is characterized as behaving throughout works. ditto for the gsr aspect.

your mileage may—and from the sounds of things, probably does—vary, but, personally, i'm satisfied leaving episode 01x07 “blood drops” as is.

anyway.

i'm rambling now.

thanks for the question! please feel welcome to send another any time.

[canmom]

Man, it is refreshing to find someone else who wasn't impressed by Frieren's demon arc. It is not like I disliked it, I do like this kind of shonen action bullshit, it is fun. But to me it seems like a step down to the earlier episodes, the show downplaying its own strong points to do common action. It is surprising to me so many people seemed to love it as much as they did, it is the lowest point of the show so far for me.

Mmm. 'Didn't dislike it, but a step down' is a good summary - it deemphasised what made the show stand out narratively, to try to be something else. If I was in the mood to watch Kimetsu no Yaiba or Jujutsu Kaisen I would! Fortunately, we seem to be getting back on track with ep 11 - I'll be writing that up once I've watched another 4-6 more episodes. I'm getting pretty near the end of the first cour, so I might watch up to there.

Bit of a weird cour length at 16 episodes, but honestly that's good - I'd love to see 'seasonal' anime be more able to break free from the pacing constraints of 'it must always be 12-13 episodes'. Sometimes that's not the best way to slice up a manga!

One thing I do appreciate about the simultaneous success of Frieren and Dungeon Meshi is that they're both fantasy anime which don't do the isekai thing and put some effort into establishing a setting which feels like people live there. They're both very overtly RPG-influenced, but neither is actual litRPG, which is very much to their benefit. Ryōko Kui's passion for lovingly constructing her fantasy setting goes without saying. I'm told the Frieren manga sketches its setting rather loosely, but the anime is doing a whole lot to flesh it out as a place people live, because they let Seiko Yoshioka go absolutely nuts.

I was chatting with kvin on the sakugablog server (senpai...!) and he mentioned one particular instance - there's a scene Eisen is tending to the graves of his family. In the manga it looks like this:

Nondescript piles of dirt with a rock on top that are just next to his house. (Also, oof, this colouring. I thought this was a fan colouring at first but no that's official.) When we cut forward 50 years, we see Eisen leaving flowers: they're in big wrapped bouquets like you'd buy at a supermarket. The little Minecraft hut hasn't changed at all.

In the anime, it looks like this:

Not only do we have the recurring use of fields of flowers as a symbol of remembrance, there's clearly been some thought put into the design of the grave markers - even if we're not told what the spherical stone might mean, it obviously means something, and you have the stone as a symbol of permanence. There's those little ritual plates for offerings. And, significantly, it's clear that Eisen has added to these graves over the intervening 50 year period: the graves in the later time are larger, with more stones. The area around the grave site has more flowers and another tree that's grown. It's clear he's been carefully tending to this site his whole life. It's that kind of attention to detail that really makes this anime shine.

It's clear this anime was a real labour of love, and I don't want to deny that there is a lot to praise in the demon arc. I didn't mention it in my post, but the scene where Frieren commands Aura to kill herself (after Aura's mind control attempt backfires) is impressively brutal - apparently episode director Nobuhide Kariya acted that scene out with an umbrella, complete with expressions. (The expressiveness of the acting does a lot to foreshadow the demons having more complex characterisation, too. I hope.) It's just quite a weak storyline off the bat, so the execution can only do so much to elevate it.

Honestly, skimming the manga a bit, I'm all the more impressed by this adaptation. Admittedly, some of it is down to a weak scanlation that doesn't read very well, but it really doesn't have the same impact at all on paper. It's not just the fight episode - throughout, the anime staff clearly gave themselves freedom to interpolate and expand in ways that end up making the manga feel like a rough draft.

...actually come to think of it, they did a similar thing with Bocchi. The manga is a 4koma (by all accounts a good one), and they fleshed it out into a more substantial story with a strong emotional arc and also all the wacky experimental animation gags you could hope for. So I guess that's kind of just how Keiichiro Saito rolls! But it's really impressive how adeptly this team is able to handle such a completely different register. Bocchi and Frieren could hardly look more different on the surface.

Anyway, I'll save any more comments for the next part of this impromptu liveblog.

[becauseplot]

Alright party people, I just finished Episode 1 of Ordem Paranormal: Calamidade! :D My options for tonight were either work on a drawing or do a "journal" post but I just love screaming into the void (and I have to write this before all the lore I have a by-the-finger-nails grip on slips out of my head) so the choice was obvious.

First of all, I've had a closer look at the intro, and...what's really weird is that the first time I watched the intro, I saw this particular frame and I was like, "Huh, that's weirdly familiar," but I couldn't place it and thus assumed it was a to-be-revealed location BUT THEN IT HIT ME

IT'S THE MANSION FROM ONSF! The painting of the infamous "caverna" is a dead give-away. In my defense it's on screen for like 1.2 seconds. Love the detail of the door to the basement being blasted off and how the paint drips out of the painting, like it's alive. (Love love love this picture, might just make it my wallpaper or something.)

The others are less clear to me. The one on the left has a sword (Veríssimo's? Arnaldo's/Thiago's?) on top of what looks to be a Scoundrel Vultures jacket, a black book, and some sort of ritual, with the Ordo symbol behind it... The purple room could be some sort of callback to the Energy occultists from OPD ep 7? Assuming all of these are, indeed, callbacks.

There are of course the silhouettes standing with Kian but eh, I don't wanna look too much into the intro sequence. We'll get there when we get there.

Anyway episode! Was good! One thing I really liked about this one was the built-in "downtime" to allow the players to just be silly and free with their characters, like with Rubens and Balu playing pool and the team choosing seats on the plane. (Jesus Christ the plane seating scene killed me lmfao.) Not to diss on OPD but for me that's what that season was lacking, so I didn't have *quiiiite* as much fun with it. And we could get into that but this is supposed to be about OPC. Just a noteworthy difference. Downtime lets us develop the characters outside of their missions and see parts of them that you might not see when it's time to Focus and Plot and Do Things, and it means the characters can bond as friends!

(Depicted: average Balu moment.)

Oh and bond they do. Trauma bond that is. Speaking of trauma TEAM VULTURES :D And Arthur once again talking about "passing the torch" and I have. A normal amount of thoughts. About this idea. Ever since Arthur brought it up in OPD I've just been. FOAMING at the mouth at this idea. Because it's true, right? The Order passes the torch, again and again. Agents pick up the torch, run with it as far as they can, and survive just long enough to pass it onto the next agent, the next team, the next generation, on and on and on; and they have no idea if the fighting will ever be over. It's like a relay race with no clear end. All they have is their hope that the next person can carry that torch a little further, and that all their work and suffering will not have been in vain. It's. Deeply profound. Especially coming from a character like Arthur, as he himself has become a symbol of this torch-bearing theme in the series. I love the fact that this idea is being expanded on in this series since, again, Arthur was the one who brought it up in OPD when the group was talking and looking at the letter Joui left Kaiser before he was masked.

There's a good amount of...I suppose similarities developing between Arthur and Veríssimo. Both having leadership roles, both feeling the loss of their fellow agents so deeply, as if losing family, both understanding the need to just keep moving forward, moving on with life, because what else can you do? And yeah, kind of redundant to say it, considering the fact that Arthur has straight-up been referred to as being unofficially Veríssimo's right hand, as well as all of those character moments between Arthur and Veríssimo during the OPD finale. "Arthur! Eyes always open!" And of course the hug later on. SCREAMING. There's a lot to chew on here.

Oh, but the lore! The lore is lore-ing! The old couple made some sort of deal with the Devil that we don't know the specifics of but it seems it was to lure the team to the house where the Child-monster eventually showed up, and it seems they've held up their end of the bargain. No idea what the deal was for though. In any case, Arnaldo's Grimoire has revealed more secrets---new pages concerning the Devil case Arnaldo worked 20+ years ago that seems to be echoing now, specifically about a circus that traumatized people (a fountain of Fear, perhaps?) and some brothers who were trying to resurrect the Devil. Maybe that's what the circus was for? Whatever happened, the Devil wasn't summoned and instead they made a creature that traumatized Eusébio. Probably. See the issue is I can never tell if I'm the right amount of confused in this series, or if I'm so confused I'm misunderstanding things that should've been clear to me by now. Ah well, leave me to my confusion, for it is all I have.

Anyway, they're hEADIN TO ITALY WA HOOOOOO VACATION LOOK AT HOW HAPPY THEY ARE!!

Btw literally all of Guaxi and Rakin's OOC shenanigans give me life. Putting them next to each other at the table was the best decision ever. I've decided to start head-canoning all of Rakin's expressiveness and swearing as Dante's inner monologue but Dante's 😐-ass just doesn't let it show Ever. Thinking back on it, I don't think Dante has ever willingly engaged in the Sillies like other characters do, if at all. Props to Rakin for staying consistent with that because a, that's gotta be hard with a group as silly as this, and b, it seriously helps build Dante's apathetic, no-nonsense personality. And he's apathetic, no-nonsense without falling into the pitfall of typical "unfeeling aloof asshole" character! Dante cares and feels deeply, he just won't make a dick-joke, you know? In summary, good character building, I love <3 (But seriously I need ONE scene where someone in the group in-character gets not just Rakin but Dante to crack and laugh at something stupid. I need it so bad. Let it be Arthur it would heal me.)

Right, anyway, so, Italy! As I was in the discord getting ready to comment on how sweet and nostalgic the music for the Leone Mansion was, Carina opened the door and. Well.

*hiss through teeth* Yeahhhhhh. Nevermind on that one, chief.

I really loved this moment for Carina, though. I took Gabi's million billion questions to Cellbit about the surroundings (is there anything moving, how many bodies, if she immediately recognized anyone, etc) as Carina's mind attempting to parse this deeply disturbing scene in the only way it knows how: investigation. Of course, she has an emotional reaction a beat after, but for a moment, her brain just immediately went into work-mode, and the emotions hit in a second wave of realization---processing the scene first and then processing it, you know?

And then we had that moment between Carina, Dante, and Arthur where Carina...I believe she took a step back and sat down on the steps? If not then she at least took a step back, and Dante took her hand and reassured her that they were there for her. If Arthur doesn't do it here, then post blood zombie fight when Carina sits down in the chair, Arthur puts his hand on her shoulder to reassure her as well. And Carina asks Dante to check the bodies for her family crest. And Dante finds the crest. And he lies to her, and she notices immediately, and she thanks him anyway. I'm. They're so much. The Greater Ordo Realitas Trauma Bond is growing.

In other news, putting this joke from the discord here because Balu, I love you, but you make a better door than a window, if you get what I'm saying.

The combat this episode was pretty good! Of course there was Balu being Balu, but Clarissa was a fucking badass holy shit, and CARINA WITH THE BEASTIAL BLOOD ZOMBIE ONE-CYCLE???? And Arthur and Rubens hit a few really good shots too. Dante hearing Carina screaming when she got tackled by the other bestial blood zombie and charging in there with his Decadence/Decay ritual already half-formed on his lips lives in my brain now. (The👏trauma 👏bond👏)

Oh yeah and Kian and Gal were here (hate them) and they brought a bunch of Escriptas and massacred the entire Leone Family (hate them even more) and it seems like they're working with the Devil? Like from the fucking Bible? Hello sir??? Probably not actually from the Bible but like. That's the fucking Devil. He just. Kinda exists. Okay! First time we encounter a Paranormal "creature" that seems to be at least...somewhat sentient? It's usually either feral creatures or Occultists, this guy seems to be a bit of a planner/deal-maker so he's gotta have something like a brain working up there but like. Mans not really human-looking anymore huh. Incheresting.

Oh and I kinda forgot. Rubens! Talking with Clarissa! Johnny most definitely horror'd :( My buddy Factorial pointed out that the flannel that Rubens is wearing around his waist looks exactly like Johnny's so uh. Yeah. Oh, and the contrast between Clarissa's "get your head in the game, we have a mission, I know you can do this" talk with Rubens on the plane and Dante's "I know this is horrible, we're here for you" talk with Clarissa on the steps of the mansion is astounding. Clarissa definitely feels very detached from the group, but I suppose that's rather the point of her character, right? Untethered? Aloof? I still believe in the strength of the Greater Ordo Realitas Trauma Bond, though I don't know if it'll be enough to save her since Cellbit oh so loves to kill off his NPCs in horrific ways <33

Anyway that's it for now. Some other screenshots I have from the discord just for safe keeping. Wa hoo!

[dollsome-does-tumblr]

my really dumb succession 4.03 thoughts, please do not look to this post for quality--

this was such an extremely realistic portrayal of what it’s like to find out a loved one has died. this show is good and the actors are good on it!!!! i don’t know if you’d heard that before. i love that they did this at this point in the season so the rest of the series can be about the aftermath!!!!! an extremely exciting writing move. i really look forward to reading all the thoughts on this ep.

logan was like “i’m going to make roman tell gerri she’s fired” and then logan died immediately. coincidence, or god being a romangerri / gerri stan?

roman: i’m sad my dad just died please show me some love. gerri: no.

(also for some reason i’m obsessed with the fact that her shoes were off. if it were any other day that would have ruined roman’s life forever, in a good way.)

i was so constantly torn between feeling awful for connor for being so left out and feeling pretty great for him, because at least he’s (more) FREE (than the others). willa hugging him so hard at the altar really got me. there’s something about how connor was sitting away from the others in comfort with his love while roman+shiv+kendall were so deep in the family business shiz immediately that makes me feel like connor was the luckiest all along! but the loony cake thing was pretty bad.

also, now his wedding anniversary is always also going to be his dad’s death anniversary. interesting move there! (”always” might be optimistic but i’m a conwilla believer ever since she got really defensive of him wanting his coat that one time.)

i need to watch that roman/gerri scene from the beginning a zillion more times once my brain is working again. ASTOUNDING! this kills the man. (meaning roman, metaphorically. but also possibly logan literally.)

the galaxy brained cruelty of titling this episode “connor’s wedding” and making us all think it was gonna be about connor’s wedding. (well, hey! it kinda was!)

roman being the only one to actually go see logan’s body is so moving and fascinating to me. god.

that tom/shiv hug????????? :’(

tom and greg are the stupidest boys in school. every time they interact, an angel dies.

also, willa’s mom being like “you’re like a PRINCESS!” about the tacky boat wedding was a detail that gave us so much information about willa and her pre-connor life in so little time. fascinating!

p.s. gerri really upgraded in the “bring an old man date to social functions to bug roman” department.

[everyday-is-brighter-with-you]

Koisenu Futari Ep 1 ( SPOILERS)

Yes, I watched the first episode!!

Wow! It's so good, and silly, I want to continue it. Granted I don't have a lot of exposure to LGBT media like this so I get easily excited, but still.

The humor is pretty good and floats with the lighthearted setting. Honestly being used to Indian TV shows, the subtleties of this Japanese one is surprising at times. No dramatic music ? No music AT ALL in one scene? Woah Bob!!!! Still, I feel the TV show element of it but the way it's understated also goes well with the tone. Must say this is the first Japanese live action TV show I'm watching of this nature, so I'm not entirely familiar to make internal genre comparisons, this is more of first impressions. In general, while it picks up heavy topics, it managed to balance with the light tone and order-of-events-happening. I didn't feel awkward about it even once so far.

Speaking of, WOW, I feel like you can tell whoever wrote this is very sympathetic and sensitive to the community they're trying to show. It just feels natural. And so many things they touched-- the feeling of your peers moving on ahead while you're in crisis about your own life, not feeling like a complete person, the talk about marriage, not wanting to be assumed to be living a life alone, etc....Admittedly I'm not very familiar with the aromantic community either, but from the time I'm in the asexual one( which these characters are as well), I recognize these deep-rooted concerns. I like how they actually show it seriously, Sakuko is feeling there is something fundamentally wrong with her.

And of course...the joy when she finds another person like her!!! 🥲( single tear emoji)

Let me backtrack a bit before we get there. There's a subplot with Sakuko( one of our MCs, a cheery woman who works on the upper rungs of a departmental store) and her high school friend Chizuru. I like how the characterization worked there, with Chizuru. She wasn't an asshole or anything, infact their friendship is so good she is willing to move in with Sakuko in a new apartment. But another life event occurs which unfortunately results in her leaving Sakuko behind with hurt feelings on both sides. I think it's a good example of a situation where life just...happens and things getting messy in a way you didn't think. Also people with good intentions giving them out in the wrong way. It gives a realistic feeling.

I don't want this to be Super Long, actually I start out with a lot of detail usually and then I cut down, that's how I write in my diary and I don't have like a lot of thoughts yet anyway. Just the first episode, everyone.

So I'll cut back to the other guy who is like her. He's an older man, Takahashi, which I'm getting is his last name actually ( but I'll address him as such until Sakuko changes her terms of address cuz I got used to that RN) and he arranges the vegetables in their store. He seems to have an affinity for cabbages and works with them, he's very blunt but quick to apologize as well. I like how both of them seem socially awkward in some way to me X) (X face with smile emote )

He also runs a blog which seems duel general-lifestyle talk and also thoughts about being aroace. Through this, the MCs have a definite meeting outside previous encounters.

Love the distilled kindness in the last scene here. And the setting! A very personable house his looked like, full of trinkets, a bit cramped. The way he said that whatever someone's sexuality is, not wanting to be alone isn't anything selfish. Her asking him if he can be her family without love! She's just so sjjsjsksksk. Genuine. It was sweeter than honey I might say. The teasers for the next episode were cheesy as hell and I'm looking forward to it haaha

Additional thoughts: Sakuko's sense of dress is very cozy. All cardigans and big pants and such.

For some reason the whole episode felt a touch off with the pacing, but maybe that's just me. Episode's gotta end on something to keep you waiting afterall.

[andmaybegayer]

Last Monday of the Week 2022-11-14

Recovering from a frustrating but otherwise uneventful encounter with The Virus. Had to skip a baking lesson, disastrous.

Listening: Tricot keeping me company through working and leisure, here's. My iPod can't display kanji yet so I'll need to Shazam this to find the song. Alright hang on.

<ten minutes pass>

okay what the hell. The original of this song is from a rhythm game called "Pop'n'Music 15 ADVENTURE", the tricot cover original recording is completely fucking impossible to track down online because it was only on one limited edition EP back when Tricot were just getting started. I have this because the Russian music piracy sites work harder than god, I guess. It's a cover of Rin to shite saku hana no gotoku. You might know it from DDR? This keeps happening. Anyway it kicks ass, this seems to be the same version I have.

Reading: SPQR, which is a lot of fun despite having a hard time keeping all the goddamn Tullius's and Quintus's straight in my head, I like it when a history book is realistic about how little we know about the past.

Mary Beard's approach of constantly reminding you that there's like a dozen different interpretations of any given piece of information helps keep you grounded and move focus to the big picture rather than agonizing over details.

Watching: Got through the entirety of Cyberpunk: Edgerunners during the power outage. It's a good Cyberpunk show, appropriately bloody and violent. Replicates the vibe that Cyberpunk encourages, where characters just get got because they were sloppy once. Megacorps are unassailable, not even a runner team at the top of their game could hope to do much more than temporarily inconvenience one.

I would probably be more positive but unfortunately for the next few months all shows are going up against Arcane as a point of comparison and that's just unfair.

Playing: Knocked out the Clockwork Mansion in Dishonored 2, although while I was busy rearranging the lab to zap Jindosh the power cut so I just have to finish up with that at some point.

The Clockwork Mansion is so cool, fantastic Dishonored level. The Clockwork soldiers are not that hard to kill if you're smart about it but they're still a massive pain in the ass, fun to fight. My first run through any Dishonored game is maximum chaos so that I can see a lot of the level, the empress's heart is very mad at me.

Making: Penrose Quilt, mostly just cutting more patches for it more than sewing because my eyes hurt from The Virus.

Tools and Equipment: A phone with an IR Blaster is a shockingly handy tool, easily turn off random TVs and radios without having to scramble around for a remote, if one even exists.

[xiexiecaptain]

Shadow & Bone rewatch deep dive commentary that was started on twitter and is being moved/continued here!

This is the post for EP 04: Otkazats’ya

[Episode 01 post] [Rewatch Commentary Links Masterpost]

((There WILL be spoilers mentioned for the books in the Grishaverse including the Crows duology & King of Scars duology! This is basically from the perspective of watching the show as someone who knows the books well.))

(Just a disclaimer that I’m picking up doing these commentary posts from here after season 2 is out! Just fyi, I might mention s2 stuff in these where it wasn’t mentioned in the posts for eps 1-3)

--

Omg not the captain singing the drinking song Nina sang to Inej in the hold of the ship on the way to Fjerda

I love how they just toss in background book details in new places to color in the world! You can tell everyone working on constructing this show was such a massive fan of the books and it warms my heart

--

As always, I’m just enamored by the linguistics and writing systems the show has designed and fleshed out for all the languages!! They make the world feel so lived-in!

--

Poor Mal. He really feels so powerless and helpless; even to people who are super devoted, sheer faith and longing can’t keep people going forever.

Boy is living on crumbs atm

--

Mean Girls (2004) voice: AND NONE FOR MAL ORETSEV BYE

--

These two are so pure i can’t get over it. 

Thank you for giving Mal close relationships (even if they eat it soon) other than Alina!

--

NOT GENYA CALLING HER SUNSHINE-!!!

😭 😭 😭 

--

YEAH ITS CUS HE WANTS TO FEEL OWNERSHIP OVER YOU ALINA

--

Yep yep giving her crumbs of vulnerability to draw her in. 

Top tier manipulator shit.

--

Jesper’s hair and expression here I’m fucking laughing so hard

He looks like he just woke up from a week-long bender omfg.

 Jesper, honey, I’m begging you, drink some water along with whatever alcoholic beverage is in that glass

--

LOVE LOVE LOVE how they find ways to weave the Crows’ plotlines into the S&B book plot.

Using the Winter Fete party as distraction was probably drawn from them using Hringkälla for the Ice Court job. But I suppose in the show it’s gonna be the other way around now which is funny. They’re probably gonna be like “Well, remember how we snuck into the Little Palace in Ravka because of their big celebration? Let’s do that with this job too!”

Very Beethoven/Bootstrap Paradox meta shit here and it makes me laugh

--

Kaz Brekker has never taken a day off in his entire life and it shows

--

LOOK HOW EXCITED THEY ARE

Even Inej is trying not to burst out grinning

Same you guys

I always get hyped as fuck for a heist!

--

You’ve heard of Chekov’s gun, but we’ve finally found Chekov’s bullet

--

The fucking barmaid’s face 

I can’t

“Who is this strange Zemeni dude and why did he dump a goat in my arms and start speaking softly and mournfully to it in Kerch???”

--

Not him blowing Milo a kiss

I LOVE JESPER FAHEY AND HIS DRAMATIC BISEXUAL ASS

--

LYING THROUGH HIS GD TEETH AGAIN

Spinning his fake little sob stories

Manipulator 👏 Shit 👏

--

I do appreciate this way of trying to make exposition about the Black Heretic story more active

And making the scene serve several purposes at once (Kirigan trying to draw Alina in with his ~relatable outcast~ stuff, as well as giving the viewers the backstory)

--

-

Again, I’m just glad these three got to be on-screen. It gives Mal other people around him that matter. (Which does then help fuel/motivate his devotion to Alina as we go forward.)

That was really also one of the things that bugged me about book!Mal (Although, to be fair, it might be less of a writing issue than a personal one) but it sticks in my craw when characters are single-person focused. (Unless that’s, like, part of their character shit to figure out, them feeling lonely or co-dependent, etc.) 

Like I do understand it’s kind of been “Mal and Alina against the world” since they were young. But they haven’t always been together since they joined the military. Having relationships that span back for a long, long time can be powerful, don’t get me wrong. But length of a relationship isn’t the only measure of its importance.

I think part of it was that we only got Alina’s POV and so Mal in some parts of the series felt very one-note, unmotivated, unbelievable, etc. Because all we got was what he managed to say to Alina when he was actually present and interacting with Alina (which didn’t happen for a large part of books 1 and 3.)

--

The lesbian skepticism on Nadia’s face-!!!

--

I will never, in my life, get over Freddy’s acting as Kaz acting as a stuffy fancy ~artíst~

--

CLEVER CLEVER CLEVER CLEVER

I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM

--

Ok so remember when this was the first sneak-peek scene they released of the Crows and we got to see them in action together for the first time??

It reminded me of my thoughts about Freddy’s voice as Kaz. 

At first I was like “oh, hmm, he’s got kind of a higher, smooth voice as opposed to the way Kaz’s voice is described in the books” which is that rough gravely “rock-salt rasp.”

But as an iteration of Kaz (pluralism is my friend, you guys) Freddy’s voice for him is something I actually super love? 

Like it’s a different sort of menacing. It can feel icy, if that makes sense. Like the higher register lends itself to his voice sounding cold, and the smoothness comes across as that kind of menacing sort of calmness. I dunno I just dig it.

--

I know we talk a lot about Inej’s knives (for good reason) 

But dear saints I love Inej being invisible soundless sneaky. 

I know she’d dislike me saying it, but honestly, she’s goddess material. This woman deserves to be lauded and honored at every opportunity.

--

What’s that meme again? “My idea of help from above is a sniper on the roof?”

Also, him waiting for the clock to chime to disguise the gunshot-!!!

Clawing my face off because I love my clever clever little thieves so much

--

[“Oh, and Inej,” he said as he led her out of the salon, “don’t ever sneak up on me again.”

The truth was she’d tried to sneak up on Kaz plenty of time since then. She’d never managed it. It was as if once Kaz had seen her, he’d understood how to keep seeing her.”]

Ok so we all agree that Kaz 100% did the same thing as with the magician he saw as a kid, right? Where he was obsessed with figuring out how the trick worked and unraveling it so he could learn to see what was actually happening?

Like [“Some people see a magic trick and say, “Impossible!” [...] And then there are the ones who stay awake, running through the trick again and again, looking for that skip in perception, the crack in the illusion that will explain how their eyes got duped; they’re the kind who won’t rest until they’ve mastered that little bit of mystery for themselves. I’m that kind.”]

INEJ WAS A PUZZLE HE THOUGHT ABOUT OVER AND OVER UNTIL HE FIGURED IT OUT

--

Oh, yknow, just reviewing stolen high-security floorplans in a public bar. As one does.

--

Lmao so basically my entire family hunts (northern woodlands, man) and I’m relatively sure my grandma has something that looks pretty much exactly like this

--

every friend group has someone like this in it

(in my experience said friend is usually a transmasc gremlin type)

--

fucking Mal just Very Seriously doing his Very Serious tracking while these two chucklefucks discuss selling literal shit in the background

--

knowing our beloved nina, the amount of sheer willpower she’s dredging up to refuse food is seriously impressive

--

she aint wrong, matty boy

--

ok so this is actually super interesting?? Because it speaks to Matthias having subtle curiosities/doubts about grisha and not fully understanding why someone would become grisha since he believes  (read: was told) they weren’t just born that way.

In the books we never got to see Matthias speak to Nina alone until the shipwreck, there was always either other drüskelle and/or the other grisha captives on the ship (I mean there are other captives tied up here but they aren’t all shoved into a cage together so Nina and Matthias can have their own conversation)

I really like this little peek into Matthias trying to make sense of the indoctrination he was fed

--

yeah exactly, he’s trying to assuage his doubts about how “human” feeling Nina is because it’s gnawing at the indoctrination of dehumanization he’s been taught

--

Also, i love the camera work in this scene -- the lights are all hazy with lots of lens-flares and the shots are so so tight and close!

We’re putting two characters whose circumstances of birth and country and beliefs are so diametrically opposed together. But here they’re having a brief moment of connection where they each have a glimpse of each other’s humanity (in between all the vitriol.)

By cutting in close and having the rest of the “world” feel “out of focus” or “out of shot” it’s allowing this moment to feel like they can be two people for a brief moment rather than grisha and drüskelle. I adore it.

-

Yeah, see and then when they start talking politics about the Darkling, more of the shots have the camera pulling back a bit, because the “world” outside the two of them is shoving distance back between them

(Obv this is not an exact one-to-one this mapping of shots, but the scene in general does that and its really cool)

And then it pushes back in and gets more hazy again when Matthias has a moment of decency and offers Nina the bread without strings attached

mwuah! chef kiss!

--

ofc then it falls apart because these two are the most stubborn (affectionate, exasperated) people on the entire planet who can’t EXIST without taking petty jibes at each other

-

Just taking a moment to appreciate Calahan Skogman because he plays Matthias so incredibly well

I’m hoping so damn hard we get to see the Ice Court job adapted so we can see Matthias get let out of detention so he can go run and play with the other kids at recess

--

These are the faces of two exhausted parents at the end of a frustrating day with their excitable son and I’m living for it

--

LISTEN YOU TWO

AT LEAST JESPER IS COMING UP WITH IDEAS, STOP GLARING

--

Ok but this troupe leader, Marko, actually comes off as such a wholesome guy? I lowkey love his face?? 

Look how tear-stained and puff from crying it is?! This poor guy finally got to perform for royalty and thought his lifelong dreams had just been crushed and was sobbing into a mug of beer!

--

Inej entrusting Kaz with her knives DOES something to me, you guys

There is a fucking novel of unspoken words in these expressions I’m gonna gnaw my couch cushions in to piecessss-!

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He’s so cute you guys I hope he still has a long and fruitful career even after all the fuckery that goes down at the Winter Fete

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This whole scene has me gazing in adoration like a doting parent

Me to the person next to me, pointing, with a camcorder in my hand: Those are my kids!!! God, they’re so talented, I’m so proud of them!!

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The fact that they made up entirely new playing card suits for this world-!!!

Honestly so much of what makes this world come to life in the show is thanks to how much AMAZING work the props and set people did??? 

They obviously loved and cared about the grishaverse so much, you can see in the sets and the costumes and the props how much work was put into making this world come to life and feel like a world that really exists with all its little bits and bobs and details!

That kind of worldbuilding minutia stuff just makes my brain go brrrrrr

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Also I haven’t mentioned anything about the soundtrack yet but hot damn they’ve done so much to make it atmospheric but also do the A+ soundtrack thing of weaving musical themes for characters/groups

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Ok tho Kaz 10000% could have gotten in as a performer too. Man’s got mad slight-of-hand skills he could definitely go in as a stage magician

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It’s time for 🎶✨~Alina’s Emotional Mushroom Trip~ 🎶✨

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Of course she was! 

I feel like its super obvious that two orphan kids who’ve been through trauma and made a close connection would crave the stability of the life they have with a beloved friend, especially over an unknown where they would be alone and in a new place again having to start over???

I mean, she says she was thinking of Mal and not herself, but it’s both. Because him being alone would mean she would also be alone. 

Alina was a scared little kid who had lost everything and was doing what she thought would keep everything she knew from being ripped away again.

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I feel like in the books the dynamic of Darklina in the first book, it was obvious/deliberate that Alina felt very isolated at the Little Palace and so was kind of always steered back to the Darkling for scraps of affirmations or reassurances, plus the draw of their powers compounding this manipulation net the Darkling pulled her in by.

The dynamic feels different in the show, for a few reasons. I think Alina being aged up contributes to that. Also, we don’t get Alina’s interiority and descriptions of how her/the Darkling’s powers feel and pull her. 

(Also Jessie and Ben have Very Good on-screen chemistry. And Ben Barnes is, well, Ben Barnes so the attraction-angle of the pull toward him is very believable.) 

I mean, while Alina is aged up, she’s still a young woman. Her whole life she has overwhelmingly felt less than, invisible, and nothing special. And someone powerful is now telling her she’s unique and powerful and he’s the only one who understands her. 

While Alina is still obviously manipulated heavily in the show, it feels less extreme? I don’t know how to word it?

Other contributing factors I think are her actually making closer friends at the Little Palace and that in the show we don’t see that extended period of time of her struggling and struggling and feeling like shit and powerless and “Other”-ed again. Also because we are shown that Mal DOES super care about her, rather than only getting her speculating and worrying. 

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And not only on Alina’s end is it different but I feel like the show we get shown more of Kirigan feeling helpless (something which is both authentic and strategic.)

Like I think its definitely real that he is struggling with these feelings of helplessness and futility in moving towards his goals. 

But he is very deliberate in the ways he goes about showing it to Alina to make her feel like he’s letting his guard down with her and to garner sympathy with. As Baghra says towards the end of the season, giving Alina “a glimpse of the wounded boy.”

And it’s a huge credit to Ben Barnes that I feel that simultaneous nature. 

Like in the moment, you do believe him in his pain and his loneliness. Because that is real. 

But then you step back and realize he’s only showing it and showing it in such a way to weaponize it to cultivate those feelings of sympathy in Alina and keep her from seeing him as dangerous to her. 

Ben Barnes’s performance really sells the Darkling so well. Because these things are all true: he has seen people die and is lonely and feels like he has to claw his way toward any change he can achieve.

But he is also playing bits of that up in very strategic ways in Alina’s presence to manipulate her.

(I always feel like I’m not gonna have more to say about the Darkling and then I end up writing a novel about it??)

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”B-b-but- 

Wait, was I the only one who believed we were actually giving them a fair trial?!?”

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My parents’ walks to school, according to them.

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Listen, I just love them

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I LOVE THEM PUTTING TIME AND THOUGHT INTO SPRINKLING IN WORLDBUILDING

END ME

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Listen all I can think about when I watch this scene is how this actor probably spent 9 hours in hair and makeup and wardrobe just to stand there, grab a stack of letters, shake his head, and walk away because he was a non-speaking extra and if he said “No” out loud they would have had to pay him the under-5-lines rate

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Get that shit outta here, Baghra, we celebrate interdependence in this household!!

Also, the entirety of season 2’s themes would also like a word with you 👀👀

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Ok not to sound like my northern midwestern mother but

CHILD DO NOT GO OUT IN THE COLD! AND SNOW! AT NIGHT! WITHOUT A FUCKING HAT ON?

You’re gonna get frostbite, Mal!! 

It is AT LEAST below 10°F with how crunchy that snow sounds!!

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Honestly, good for Alina. proud of her

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This is funny to me because I know Jessie had a habit of just napping constantly in random places on set

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Just BFF things: having matching palm scars

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ARCHIEEEEE

Sometimes I feel for Archie because it can’t be easy playing Mal who, as characters in the grishaverse go, isn’t exactly the biggest fan favorite

And yet he’s out here giving us performances of this caliber

I see you and I love you Mr. Renaux

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And that’s the end of episode 4!

[Episode 01 post] [Rewatch Commentary Links Masterpost]

[pea-green]

Power, Control and Institutions in Call the Midwife

I combined two of my fave things (ctm and sociological theory) and wrote an essay. 

“Foucault’s theories addressed the relationship between power and knowledge, and how they are used as a form of social control through societal institutions"; this essay discusses how the themes within Foucault’s writing have been drawn upon within recent episodes of Call the Midwife, specifically with Sister Mary Cynthia’s storyline, and more generally about the role of medicine within society.

The first medical framework, identified by Jewson in his work on the development and production of medical knowledge, is what he terms `person-orientated’. He argues that, prior to industrialisation and ‘age of enlightenment’, the physician was required to view the patient as a holistic entity. Medical judgements were made by physicians in terms of the personal attributes of the sick individual rather than a list of symptoms. Foucault argues that, with the industrialisation of both society and medicine, people are attended to by professionals who view them with a ‘clinical gaze’; rational, emotionally detached individuals who hold both knowledge and power over patients, who attend to diagnosed symptoms rather than more general (eg. social) ills. Call the Midwife posits Nonnatus House, centred within the society to which it dispenses medical assistance, as a person-oriented alternative to the more institutionalised hospitals, with strict visitation hours, rigid shift patterns, and little room for personal connections between medical staff and patients.

Foucault himself makes no distinction between the power and knowledge of institutions, and in the most recent episode Sister Mary Cynthia sits at the intersection of the medical authority of the institution and the moral authority of the church (she has been sent to the hospital on the orders of Sister Ursula); she is entirely at the mercy of both. In contrast to the coercive power of a prison, the medical institution asserts authority by identifying and explaining individual problems (illness such as depression) and then providing a solution (treatment in the form of ECT) for them. Call the Midwife has graphically depicted ECT as treatment before, a last-ditch solution unapproved by the nurses of Nonnatus, and more recently underscored the dangers of blind acceptance of the medical industry’s authority by showing the real-world impact over several episodes of the ‘wonder drug’ thalidomide.

As Sister Mary Cynthia herself argues, within this medicalised framework she is not seen as an individual and the promotion of ECT as treatment is more for the benefit of the institution than herself. Drawing upon Foucault’s work, Illich termed this phenomenon ‘iatrogenesis’, which “refers to any effect on a person, resulting from any activity of one or more persons acting as healthcare professionals or promoting products or services as beneficial to health, that does not support a goal of the person affected”; in a societal context it also refers to the way in which medicine is seen to have undermined people’s ability to manage their own health. Within an industrial society, the medical machine ‘contains’ aspects of society such as childbirth, illness, pain, death and dying, shielding them, to a greater or lesser extent, from the rest of society and vice-versa.

Call the Midwife repeatedly questions the need to remove such individuals from society; while men are still not allowed to be present for childbirth, the midwives encourage home births except in exceptional circumstances, and this is often seen as social event, with women from several generations able to immediately celebrate the newest addition to the family, or grieve together in case of tragedy. Sister Monica Joan is shown to have occasionally debilitating health problems, most obviously her failing memory, but the question of sending her to an institution is always immediately shot down, and emphasis put on the responsibility of the nuns and nurses of Nonnatus to care for her in her old age. It is not coincidence that Sister Monica Joan accompanies Fred to visit the institution; SMJ argues that “I find that two opinions are better than one, particularly if one is mine”; she is aware of her own frailty (although the show takes pains to remind viewers of her usefulness and occasional sound memory when she tells Valerie she was there at her birth) and fears institutionalisation more than anyone else at Nonnatus, and it is she who discovers with horror the conditions in which Sister Mary Cynthia has been kept. Like Sister Monica Joan remaining with her sisters, the Reggie’s storyline ends with his joining a collective with others like him where, rather than being cared for by relatives who are well-meaning but hold power/knowledge over him, he has more freedom to control his own existence.

The function of Nonnatus House as an Institution in its own right has been alluded to throughout the series from its beginning; the three vows taken by the Sisters of Nonnatus, as discussed by Sister Evangelia in a previous series are poverty, abstinence and obedience. This parallels the four characteristics of ‘the individuality that discipline constructs’ (controlling the space, activities, reproduction and combination that individual bodies may undertake), which Foucault argues are implemented by institutions for the means of control. The main difference is that for the most part, individuals are imprisoned within the institutions Foucault discusses (prison, the asylum, etc.) against their will, whereas the nuns actively choose to take on the vows to bring themselves closer to God.

The obedience part of the vow for all the nuns at Nonnatus have become bent this series; Sisters Monica Joan and Winifred have each, in their own ways, exhibited disobedience prior to Sister Ursula’s appointment, but where their actions were previously self-serving (breaking Lenten fasts, going to the cinema), the resistance to the new absolute rule are for the direct benefit of patients. Sister Julienne, previously the moral authority at Nonnatus has acted against orders but still in accordance with her own moral code, a freedom not allowed under traditional institutional frameworks.

In his writing about ‘the modern disciplinary institution’, Foucault draws heavily upon Bentham’s ideas of the ultimate realisation of such an institution: the panopticon. This all-seeing tower creates an ‘unequal gaze’; those within the institution could never be sure when they were being watched or not. The nuns at Nonnatus are under constant observation of the eyes of God and this is evidenced as both comfort and burden. Sister Mary Cynthia, in great distress, talks about not knowing what is being asked of her; firstly in Nonnatus, while being comforted by her sisters, unsure of God’s plan, and later in the Institution, when she doesn’t know what behaviours she needs to exhibit in order to be released back to Nonnatus’ care. Sister Julienne mentions that Sister Mary Cynthia “lives to serve others”; she alone has never struggled with the vow of obedience, does not fear the eye of God or the tower seeing immoral actions, instead fearing her observed inaction will lead to judgement and ruin.

During her time at Nonnatus Sister Ursula was committed to efficiency above all else, which fits in with Foucault’s model of the power/knowledge dynamic by the medical institution. The nurses of Nonnatus do not have time to regard the patients and their bodies as individuals, merely as symptoms in need of a cure. The Maternity Home, which provides medical assistance but also social connections for mothers-to-be and enough individual assistance to be old-fashioned, even by the standards of 1962, does not fit in with this model. For the last two series, various characters have made reference to the number of women choosing not to give birth attended by the local midwives at home, preferring instead the facilities of the hospital.

Within this narrative, the midwives of Nonnatus represent the 'person-oriented’ framework of medicine; for example, Trixie volunteers to 'hold the hand’ of a pregnant patient who needs emergency dental work. Dentistry, Trixie points out, is not remotely within her medical training, but she will find time to assist the patient on the basis that it is “best for her and baby”. An episode previously, a mother who gives birth in hospital to a stillborn has the child whisked away before she can see it. Delia expresses distress at denying the mother her wishes to see the baby, but the ward matron insists that this course of action is “best for the patient”. The viewers later see the mother asking Shelagh extremely basic questions about what her baby might have looked like; this emphasises the knowledge/power dynamic discussed by Foucault (the mother had no knowledge of childbirth and therefore no power during it) and the importance of the Nonnatus model of a more person-oriented approach to caring with women during and after pregnancy.

With Sister Ursula gone, Sister Julienne is free to run Nonnatus as the person-oriented health provider she wishes it to be, and appoints a new nurse based partly on those shared values. The challenge for Nonnatus going forward is most immediately the safe return of Sister Mary Cynthia and ensuring her full recovery using the understanding and love that only her sisters can provide, and, more long-term, justifying itself in the face of efficiency drives and patients actively choosing a more detached, economical model of medicine over the more traditional services offered by Nonnatus.

Drawing from Foucault and his contemporaries, the most recent series of Call the Midwife has explicitly condemned the control and unequal power dynamics offered by medical institutions; most obviously the Institution in the most recent episode, but hospitals more generally. It advocates instead for a more holistic, compassionate method of treating illness, mental health, pregnancy and childbirth. This continues the show’s campaign for more community-based politics, and an idealistic liberal ideology which is impractical and unlikely to enact any real change, but still important in a time where the NHS is demonised in the press and in financial turmoil; a show consistently drawing in millions of viewers discussing these issues raises awareness (of these issues and many others) if nothing else.

References: here, here, here