#i wasn't home last week
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I'm making lilac jelly! And lilac sugar, and syrup, and possibly some other things because, well, I took a gigantic bowl of flowers and it's not even noticeable when you look at the tree.
#yes the lilac would have been better last week#i wasn't home last week#and that's only around the top 1/4 of the tree#harvesting#foraging#lilac#lilac jelly#lilac sugar#lilac syrup#spring#flowers#jelly#jam#my posts
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headcanon: the boring perfect self control vampire bella thinks she has is a LIE and at one point she caught human scent mid-hunt and snapped. it made her so wild she had to be restrained to the point where things got ugly
i know edward would never dare to do it and meyer would never dare write it and in canon newborn vamp bella would be far stronger than him...
actually. you know who would be stronger than one young vampire? two old vampires. and who would act practical in a critical situation? emmett
imagine edward and bella heading out for a hunt and emmett being like "do you guys mind if i tag along? i feel like snacking". bella's a little mad at the prospect of suddenly having a third wheel (homegirl wasn't planning on just. hunting) but alice gets a weird hunch and goes "no, no, em should go with you" ok nostradamus. he's going.
fast forward they're in the mountain. bella finds having emmett third-wheeling is not half bad. in emmett's head, lowkey it's bella who's the third wheel after so many decades of him hunting together with edward. but nevertheless, it's so fun with her around. all is good until they catch the scent of an entire group of friends hiking just a couple of miles from here, away from all civilization. emmett and edward stop in their tracks, ready to turn around. bella, her guard down, loses it and stars running towards the group, so they have no choice but to charge at her. while strugging to keep her in place, they try to talk her down but she doesn't listen. she doesn't care, she's strong enough to fight them off, and she fights and claws and hisses and breaks bones of whoever gets in her way because there are so many pulses just a few minutes' run away from her and their scent is so sweet and burning and calling, calling, calling to her
while struggling to restrain her, emmett grunts "we have to disarm her". edward catches the image in his head and shouts "no! you can't literally disarm bella!". well, how the hell do you expect us to stop her from massacring all those hikers? we'll just put her back together afterwards. duh!, emmett thinks, and knows he has to act fast so he goes in while bella's busy yanking away from edward's grip and tears off a limb. or two. all 3 of them may or may not be screaming.
a few moments later edward's pinning bella to the ground, holding her face between his palms, forcing her to look at him. her thrashing is not so effective with limited body parts. part of him wants to yell at emmett but that's kind of low priority. he's holding on to the last of his composure while he looks down at bella's feral expression and chants 'baby. i'm so sorry but i'll give you your leg back after you calm down a bit. i won't be able to outrun you if you go chasing after those people now. please calm down. i love you. hold your breath'
just then she listens, stops breathing and her vision refocuses. for the first time she realizes she was on her way to slaughter a bunch of strangers and she broke the arm of the man she loves at least three times when he tried to stop her. she wants to open her mouth and apologize but that will require her to breathe and possibly go crazy with thirst again. so she stares back at edward's panicked eyes and nods at him, her own red eyes just as full of terror.
then she looks over his shoulder and sees emmett waving her severed leg in the air like it's a baseball bat. "hey, did you know that rose wears the same shoe size?"
#this has been brewing in my head since i reblogged that first hunt bella fanart last week#i meannn... wasn't that exactly what bella was scared of becoming once she was a newborn?#twilight#bella swan#edward cullen#emmett cullen#breaking dawn#gore tw ?#also imagine them coming back home and emmett rushing to tell everyone what happened like it's the funniest story ever lol#alice already knows but she's like 300% chill because she already knew nothing too critical would happen because em was there#jasper's patting bella on the back congratulating her for it being her first time having limbs torn off and later reattached#(while in the background eb are probably just so stressed that eventually carlisle has to sit them down and therapize them)#(during that session jasper has to sit between them holding their hands sending chill vibes kgjhjf)#ok sorry i'm sorry i'll stop now#twilight renaissance#also. ALSO the image of two 6+ ft tall guys being unable to deal with a short ass 5'4" girl. i dig this
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i've played warframe a lot this week
#warframe#i've played it every single day this week which is a lot for me#since i usually play video games on friday and saturday evenings#and so last night & this morning i told myself i wasn't gonna play warframe today i was gonna do something else#aaaand then as soon as i got home from work i texted my sibling & asked if they wanted to play
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I need some prayers. My health is really bad right now, and i might lose my job.
#i had to go home on Saturday because I had a fever and wasn't really able to function#I took Monday off two weeks ago so I could see a doctor about some of the health issues I have#then today I had another COMPLETELY unrelated health problem that sent me home (it's sent me home from my last job on multiple occasions)#i don't know what to do#i keep getting sick#(fevers puking and lung infections)#and i can't kick it#and that's ON TOP of the other chronic issues I've been dealing with for the last three or four years#i'm so discouraged and upset right now and i have no idea what on earth I'm gonna do#i just want to get better and not have to deal with this#i have never been this sick for this long in my entire life#but I've been sick for month long stretches three times already this year#i don't know what to do at this point#i hate this so much
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— v. raison d'être
It was never going to last. They knew it from the beginning, all of them. Their time in the First was temporary, fleeting. For some, that would have been enough to give pause, to keep distance. For them, it made these moments all the more precious—even when it was difficult, even when it was unfair. Ryne knows they are both proud of her. That will never change, even when they live in separate worlds. It is a bittersweet thing to say goodbye, to close one chapter and begin the next. But change is necessary, a fundamental aspect of life. There is no sense in clinging to the past when the future—with all its countless possibilities—lies ahead. There is no looking back. Only forwards.
#ffxiv#final fantasy 14#ff14#gpose#gposers#warrior of light#thancred waters#ryne waters#wolcred#wolcred week#aureia malathar#oc tag#myreia screenshots#aurcred 2024#not me putting Aur in scouting gear and then giving her a rdm weapon 😔... which you can barely even see LOL#ryne looks like she's almost the same height as aur because of the angle but she's really not 😭#she's! so! tiny!!!!#anyway i don't think this is an actual scene or anything it's just - an impression of how they are at the end of 5.3.#i tried making this dreamlike and hazy but idk if it worked i regret having too much DOF and blurring out the stars#this is more ryne's POV than either of theirs - aureia's the one who can stay he's the one who has to leave#there's grief in that acceptance and it's bittersweet but it's also happy in a way#anyway aur and thancred's individual relationships with ryne is the glue of their relationship in shb#i don't think they would have gotten past their issues if not for her#what they have at the end of 5.0. + start of eden gives them a couple months of feeling like a normal family#joke's on them they're not normal nothing is normal the more they try to make things normal the more it's going to crash#the moment of reprieve was good but it was a bit of a fantasy and it wasn't going to last#urianger is here in spirit I'M SO SORRY HE SHOULD BE HERE HE'S PART OF THIS TOO 😭#i was too sleepy to pose a 4th character rip#urrrgghhh anyway i have so much to say about how lakeland is Aureia's home now and it's Ryne's home too but he can't be there byeeeeee 🙃#shadowbringers spoilers
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"true partner" click here for the uquiz created by @/niconicomuda on twitter
#morphomon#digimon#this was trending on twt a good few weeks ago#ofc me being me i wasn't there and only learned abt it bc a friend dm'd me about it lol#anyway i am very happy to get morphomon. though...#advanced apology for personal irl rambling that may be tmi ahead. and cw: death of family member#so like. i feel it turns out to be some life foreshadowing bc around a week later (which is last week btw) my maternal grandma passed#idk about u but if you know the symbolism of butterfly and morpho particularly. it's about change and rebirth and all that stuff#the funeral home we spent a few days in had the morpho butterfly as its logo. i couldn't stop thinking about it#so despite the sadness it's like idk. a tiny bit of hope i guess?#my grandma won't have to be in pain anymore#all the stuff is done by last saturday so everyone's back to their normal lives like it or not#still grieving a bit while at the same time being kinda ok. well it is how it is...#png#gif
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i have a job interview tomorrow HELLO???
for an admin/email customer service job for a local clothing brand that's inclusive and eco friendly. like!!! I've never had a job like this btw but i do have 8 years of experience in private companies and working at an office so I'm crossing my fingers. i guess my cover letter and resume were good enough
#it's quite a long transit from home but whatever#i need something that's not minimum wage and this job offer spoke to me the first time i saw it last week#and i love that the brand is a company led by women for women#if anything this will give me interview experience#because I haven't done a job interview that wasn't related to vfx work in over 8 years sooooo#shut up alie
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finally home from war 🙏🙏🙏 (a week long trip that felt like a month)
#to be fair it wasn't supposed to be a week long#i had just come home from the tøp concert when i had to do a last minute trip to the countryside#a close relative passed away and then another one also passed away at the exact time of the burial it was a mess#then someone from my family got food poisoning and we had to stay over to let him rest + attend a second funeral#and then a tire blew out on our way home during a thunderstorm#the time between my close relative's passing and the tire situation was like less than 2 days and yet it felt like a week#plus the trip to curitiba which was. SO long.#we also got lost in a cornfield lmao that was fun#anyways sorry for the rant#this was the longest week of my life and im just. so tired#leo's premium rambles
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My aunt decided a good way to wish me a happy birthday would be to text me a picture of me & my dead dad from my 22nd birthday.
Like yay thanks, I totally wanted to be sad and missing my dad on my birthday. I definitely wasn't trying to do the "out of sight out of mind don't think about sad things" thing to get through it without crying or anything 👍 Definitely wasn't already struggling missing not getting a happy birthday text from him 👍👍
#and like I get that her intentions were good but i find it SO rude#why would you bring up something heart wrenchingly sad to someone on their birthday? Unless they've indicated to you that they want that#it wasn't even like it was a new picture/one she could reasonably believe I hadn't seen before#we literally used a cropped version of that exact photo for his obituary#she has done something similar with EVERY SINGLE holiday since he died#fathers day & his birthday & thanksgiving & christmas all of them we got texts like “i know how hard today must be!”#like uh no i was doing fine til I got your text actually cuz I was blocking it all out & now your text has forced me to think about it#we're not even that close? Like she legit had never texted me before my dad died#and the last conversation I had with her was her telling me that me needing help with things was co-dependence#rather than a legit need because I am disabled#and that keeping my curtains closed all the time was unhealthy#and when I tried to explain sensory issues she said that she 'gets headaches from the sun sometimes too but you just have to power through'#as if that's the same thing as sensory issues from autism#(which she is apparently an expert on because she is a nurse and has worked with a few young boys with autism)#like literally she claimed she knew better than my actual doctor who diagnoses autism for a living#or my therapist who sees me twice a week (whereas i speak to my aunt MAYBE once a year)#oh also did you know that I should totally be able to hold down a full time job?#because the 18 year old autistic boy she knows whose parents do literally everything to support him and who has zero other responsibilities#and a huge support network trying to meet his needs#well HE'S able to work part time at the movie theater#so obviously that means that I should be able to work too because we're all the same#yeah anyway sorry rant over#it just really upset me#also because I was so upset I forgot I wanted to go to the park on my way home from the weed store 😔#beth posts
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#our tentative christmas eve dinner never materialized#because my mom needed to focus on making christmas happen tomorrow - she does so much#but instead we ended up having several wonderful times all together in the kitchen laughing today - which is amazing#I am so grateful to be home with my family this year#because I wasn't the last two years#and until this year there was so much stress in our home that it was unbearable - now there's stress outside but peace inside#and I'm home - and home is home again - in some ways more than it's been in a lifetime#I have cried with thankfulness a few times#God is so good and he has brought me back - when i thought i had lost my home forever#I suddenly realized all this last week in the middle of a video with the song “I'll Be Home for Christmas”#and started outright crying right then and there in front of my computer - and later again when praying at bedtime#I had multiple good conversations with my siblings today and yesterday#and did crafts with my sister#and had fun times and talks with another sibling#which was especially meaningful given some things that have happened lately#it was so good to laugh together#christmas#life#my life#thankfulness#grateful#thankful#God is good and he has answered many prayers#together#family
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first week back at school and ahhhhhh everything is a little overwhelming currently
- my living space is full of boxes i have simply not had the energy to unpack at all.... hopefully this weekend (but i have also been invited to a Social Event so WE SHALL SEE)
- this school year is going to have So Much Important Stuff happening inbetween the many weeks of practice placement
- such as The Academic Text
- AND i need to finish the big project i was supposed to have finished ages ago
- our teacher this year speaks swedish with a very thick french accent and i speak norwegian with a dialect, we really struggle to understand one another but maybe hopefully that will change over time.... please...........
- i'm stressed about Stupid Bureaucracy Stuff
- and im so so sleepytired :(((
- and it's too humid and warm for comfort :(((((
AT LEAST I HAVE CUTE SOCKS
purchased in a distraught jetlag haze and subsidized by my travel insurance. they're my favourites now
#swedenquest#everything happens so much :(((#but i will be okay...!!!!!!!! no unsolicited advice please#in fact i have been given resources for metacognitive therapy to fight my brain demons and im excited to get more into that#but also how am i supposed to read anything under these circumstances.#tomorrow is self study day and if i wasn't so stressed about Big Project I would've made myself stay at home and rest/unpack#ill simply have to compromise. sleep a little bit longer; couple hours of tinkering at school#take it easy but take it!!!!#also god i was first out to have kitchen cleaning responsibilities this week#which isnt Hard u just need to run the break room dishwasher and take out the trash BUT#the trash bags are the worst quality trash bags i have ever encountered. they tore at my touch.#i tried so hard to remove the trash from the trash cans in a neat and professional manner but it all kept falling apart#and next thing you know there's coffee grounds all over the floor and everyone looks at you with pity#i got some help but it was so stressful and Bad#and there's someone in the 2nd year who keeps emptying the dishwasher even tho it's not their turn and I WOULD DO IT IF U WAITED FIVE MINUT#they did this all the time last year too and it's like. i get that they're stressed out by dishes in the sink or whatever i really do get i#but it's really messing with the system and like... teaching everyone else to not contribute??? because they don't even get to??#AND i lost at minigolf with like 20 more points than everyone at my team#which i genuinely wouldn't mind except i dragged the average score down so bad we could never have won anything#FIRST WEEK OF SCHOOL GOING FINE
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shan't be reblogging a certain post bc it makes me too sad but i will share my thoughts in the tags here. tw for medical events (strokes) and mentions of death
#it was like. hey sexy when will you finish grieving or something like that#and i wanted to make some pathetic joke about grief lmao like oh yeah i'l stop grieving when the guilt subsides =)#but then i remembered the ep of sad boyz where jarvis talked about being the first one to find his mom after her stroke and he wasn't home#he was eleven and he's in his early thirties now and still harbors guilt for not being there sooner#and i know he shouldn't feel guilty for that. jordan said it too on the podcast#so i'm like. weh. if he shouldn't feel guilty then maybe i shouldn't either..? =(#there's an evil voice inside me though that says well you were home and you were an adult so it's really not the same and you should still#feel guilty. but i know the voice is wrong it's just hard to internalize#idk where i'm going with this. next week will be two years since my dad's stroke so it's on my mind i guess#i want to request a day off so i'm not stressed w work but i'm like. idk which day to pick lmao bc he passed away in stages so i have like#three things on my calendar. i'll probably request his actual death day off next month. i remember struggling to focus on work last year.#anyways! ty for listening. mwah#trixie talks
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discord whooves fucking ENDED??? man that thing was my childhood and i was JUST shocked like back in november when i found out that it was still going and now i looked at it again and it turns out it ended like a week after that
#i started rereading it last week coz im insane apparently. makes slightly more sense now that im#not a 10 year old who doesn't speak english#im on page 40 of 63 but i ended up on the home page somehow where i saw that it ended#it's been a rollercoaster okay.#also the weird ass pitch shifted comic dubs are still on youtube and all the#comments are like man why did we watch this as children#idk either but im glad it wasn't just me <3#discord whooves#doctor whooves#mlp
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.
#got home last night and i wasn't ready for the first day of work after a week of not doing anything.#good thing there's a long weekend coming up :)#I'll be around on the weekend! brains are currently fixed on binge watching the lazarus project#Nin has a mic (ooc)#tbd
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Oh little people in my phone, we're really in it now 😔😔
#it's lay on my bed yell into mattress hours#I can't tell if I'm reasonably stressed. over stimulated. or emotionally heightened because of the steroid I am on. but#today has been too many things and I feel.#sooooooo done#so done with everything#it raining and I haven't seen the sun in ages. I have bronchitis and haven't been Not Sick in a whole ass month#I have so many things to get done before Christmas which is IN A WEEK JESUS CHRIST#my CAR isn't drivable which SUCKS and it needs new TIRES and probably very expensive ENGINE REPAIRS and#my dad says he can fix them but I still have to take it into the shop just to make sure we know for sure what the problem is but#the it's already going to be in the shop and HES SICK and also like. busy. and doesn't have time to fix car#and so I might as well just pay out the fucking wazooo for them to fix it#but idk how long that will take#and I'm borrowing my grandmas car which is GREAT! like I'm so grateful to have that as an option but also! I feel BAD because it's her car#and she does actually use it and like. I don't want to take that away from her for too long#because then I feel BURDENSOME#and my mom just told me that one of my relatives just passed away and I didn't know her too well but her mom ALSO died last year like#On Christmas Day like very traumatically and I feel soo soo bad for all my cousins who have basically just had the entire Christmas season#ruined for them because they will have lost their mom AND their grandma around that time#and that HORRIBLE like oh my godddddd#and like#this holiday seasons is feeling very weird and different and worse and not BAD But like many things have changed this year and as someone#who does NOT enjoy little changes in routine and appreciates tradition uh. hehe the lines are blurring and it's stressing me outtttttt#and I got home and I had to pee and I look like shit because I've been running around all day#only to realize I left my keys Inside The House and my roomate had locked the door when he went to the gym and#thankfully the gym is a stones throw away from our house but he wasn't answering his phone#so I had to GO THERE. THROUGH THE RAIN. looking like the amount of tired and done that I am. and walk into the gym that is naturally PACKED#because it's right after work. and do the walk of shame past the v friendly gym owner who I haven't seen in MONTJ because I've been SICK#and haven't been able to work out which i ALSO FEEL GUILTY AND BAD ABOUT and#walked past all the Busy Fit Gym People in my normal person clothes to the very back where my roomate was and stand there while he finishes#his silly little reps to get his keys from him
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the pond: giving brainrot since 1999
#this show. THIS SHOW.#I am once again head empty no thoughts#not even going to try to untangle my thoughts I spent most of the weekend stressing over classes for next semester#and I don't have any brain cells left#the only thought off the top of my head is there seems to be this running theme#of having to play the roles set out by the narrative the eldritch pond and I'm just like. hm!! that really gets to me!#also not coyle!! not him!! aughhhh#what an episode I didn't expect much from the preview last week but wow. and next week's? good grief#very interested in what y'all think#like with the lingermore party was the payoff equal to the setup? I can't decide if it was#I feel like maybe it wasn't arranged in a way that would give the most impact#earl crow ramblings#the way home hallmark
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