#i wasn't home last week
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I'm making lilac jelly! And lilac sugar, and syrup, and possibly some other things because, well, I took a gigantic bowl of flowers and it's not even noticeable when you look at the tree.
#yes the lilac would have been better last week#i wasn't home last week#and that's only around the top 1/4 of the tree#harvesting#foraging#lilac#lilac jelly#lilac sugar#lilac syrup#spring#flowers#jelly#jam#my posts
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I need some prayers. My health is really bad right now, and i might lose my job.
#i had to go home on Saturday because I had a fever and wasn't really able to function#I took Monday off two weeks ago so I could see a doctor about some of the health issues I have#then today I had another COMPLETELY unrelated health problem that sent me home (it's sent me home from my last job on multiple occasions)#i don't know what to do#i keep getting sick#(fevers puking and lung infections)#and i can't kick it#and that's ON TOP of the other chronic issues I've been dealing with for the last three or four years#i'm so discouraged and upset right now and i have no idea what on earth I'm gonna do#i just want to get better and not have to deal with this#i have never been this sick for this long in my entire life#but I've been sick for month long stretches three times already this year#i don't know what to do at this point#i hate this so much
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— v. raison d'être
It was never going to last. They knew it from the beginning, all of them. Their time in the First was temporary, fleeting. For some, that would have been enough to give pause, to keep distance. For them, it made these moments all the more precious—even when it was difficult, even when it was unfair. Ryne knows they are both proud of her. That will never change, even when they live in separate worlds. It is a bittersweet thing to say goodbye, to close one chapter and begin the next. But change is necessary, a fundamental aspect of life. There is no sense in clinging to the past when the future—with all its countless possibilities—lies ahead. There is no looking back. Only forwards.
#ffxiv#final fantasy 14#ff14#gpose#gposers#warrior of light#thancred waters#ryne waters#wolcred#wolcred week#aureia malathar#oc tag#myreia screenshots#aurcred 2024#not me putting Aur in scouting gear and then giving her a rdm weapon 😔... which you can barely even see LOL#ryne looks like she's almost the same height as aur because of the angle but she's really not 😭#she's! so! tiny!!!!#anyway i don't think this is an actual scene or anything it's just - an impression of how they are at the end of 5.3.#i tried making this dreamlike and hazy but idk if it worked i regret having too much DOF and blurring out the stars#this is more ryne's POV than either of theirs - aureia's the one who can stay he's the one who has to leave#there's grief in that acceptance and it's bittersweet but it's also happy in a way#anyway aur and thancred's individual relationships with ryne is the glue of their relationship in shb#i don't think they would have gotten past their issues if not for her#what they have at the end of 5.0. + start of eden gives them a couple months of feeling like a normal family#joke's on them they're not normal nothing is normal the more they try to make things normal the more it's going to crash#the moment of reprieve was good but it was a bit of a fantasy and it wasn't going to last#urianger is here in spirit I'M SO SORRY HE SHOULD BE HERE HE'S PART OF THIS TOO 😭#i was too sleepy to pose a 4th character rip#urrrgghhh anyway i have so much to say about how lakeland is Aureia's home now and it's Ryne's home too but he can't be there byeeeeee 🙃#shadowbringers spoilers
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i have a job interview tomorrow HELLO???
for an admin/email customer service job for a local clothing brand that's inclusive and eco friendly. like!!! I've never had a job like this btw but i do have 8 years of experience in private companies and working at an office so I'm crossing my fingers. i guess my cover letter and resume were good enough
#it's quite a long transit from home but whatever#i need something that's not minimum wage and this job offer spoke to me the first time i saw it last week#and i love that the brand is a company led by women for women#if anything this will give me interview experience#because I haven't done a job interview that wasn't related to vfx work in over 8 years sooooo#shut up alie
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"true partner" click here for the uquiz created by @/niconicomuda on twitter
#morphomon#digimon#this was trending on twt a good few weeks ago#ofc me being me i wasn't there and only learned abt it bc a friend dm'd me about it lol#anyway i am very happy to get morphomon. though...#advanced apology for personal irl rambling that may be tmi ahead. and cw: death of family member#so like. i feel it turns out to be some life foreshadowing bc around a week later (which is last week btw) my maternal grandma passed#idk about u but if you know the symbolism of butterfly and morpho particularly. it's about change and rebirth and all that stuff#the funeral home we spent a few days in had the morpho butterfly as its logo. i couldn't stop thinking about it#so despite the sadness it's like idk. a tiny bit of hope i guess?#my grandma won't have to be in pain anymore#all the stuff is done by last saturday so everyone's back to their normal lives like it or not#still grieving a bit while at the same time being kinda ok. well it is how it is...#png#gif
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first week back at school and ahhhhhh everything is a little overwhelming currently
- my living space is full of boxes i have simply not had the energy to unpack at all.... hopefully this weekend (but i have also been invited to a Social Event so WE SHALL SEE)
- this school year is going to have So Much Important Stuff happening inbetween the many weeks of practice placement
- such as The Academic Text
- AND i need to finish the big project i was supposed to have finished ages ago
- our teacher this year speaks swedish with a very thick french accent and i speak norwegian with a dialect, we really struggle to understand one another but maybe hopefully that will change over time.... please...........
- i'm stressed about Stupid Bureaucracy Stuff
- and im so so sleepytired :(((
- and it's too humid and warm for comfort :(((((
AT LEAST I HAVE CUTE SOCKS
purchased in a distraught jetlag haze and subsidized by my travel insurance. they're my favourites now
#swedenquest#everything happens so much :(((#but i will be okay...!!!!!!!! no unsolicited advice please#in fact i have been given resources for metacognitive therapy to fight my brain demons and im excited to get more into that#but also how am i supposed to read anything under these circumstances.#tomorrow is self study day and if i wasn't so stressed about Big Project I would've made myself stay at home and rest/unpack#ill simply have to compromise. sleep a little bit longer; couple hours of tinkering at school#take it easy but take it!!!!#also god i was first out to have kitchen cleaning responsibilities this week#which isnt Hard u just need to run the break room dishwasher and take out the trash BUT#the trash bags are the worst quality trash bags i have ever encountered. they tore at my touch.#i tried so hard to remove the trash from the trash cans in a neat and professional manner but it all kept falling apart#and next thing you know there's coffee grounds all over the floor and everyone looks at you with pity#i got some help but it was so stressful and Bad#and there's someone in the 2nd year who keeps emptying the dishwasher even tho it's not their turn and I WOULD DO IT IF U WAITED FIVE MINUT#they did this all the time last year too and it's like. i get that they're stressed out by dishes in the sink or whatever i really do get i#but it's really messing with the system and like... teaching everyone else to not contribute??? because they don't even get to??#AND i lost at minigolf with like 20 more points than everyone at my team#which i genuinely wouldn't mind except i dragged the average score down so bad we could never have won anything#FIRST WEEK OF SCHOOL GOING FINE
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discord whooves fucking ENDED??? man that thing was my childhood and i was JUST shocked like back in november when i found out that it was still going and now i looked at it again and it turns out it ended like a week after that
#i started rereading it last week coz im insane apparently. makes slightly more sense now that im#not a 10 year old who doesn't speak english#im on page 40 of 63 but i ended up on the home page somehow where i saw that it ended#it's been a rollercoaster okay.#also the weird ass pitch shifted comic dubs are still on youtube and all the#comments are like man why did we watch this as children#idk either but im glad it wasn't just me <3#discord whooves#doctor whooves#mlp
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Oh no there isn't an episode of 9-1-1: Lone Star today :((
But
NOT GONNA LIE THANK GOODNESS
#listen I would've been excited to see all the drama but also I was readily prepared to say 'hey I will be liveblogging but I cannot promise#to bring the energy' xdd#the getting home from a 6 hour rehearsal 40 minutes before the episode airs combined with walking pneumonia#not really a vibe lol#see y'all next week!#9-1-1 lone star#oasis's 9-1-1 chatter#911 lone star#anyway that last line is exactly what I said when I saw it wasn't till next week lol
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my mum has stage four cancer
#we found out a week ago#august 4th - the worst day of my life#so there were a bunch of tests that mum hated so her team of doctors could have all the info they needed#but the last few days we've been out of hospital and. adjusting to life back at home#i've become a decent nurse#i lost feeling in my nose for four days due to intense crying#there are. no words for how devastating this has been#mums been sick a while. but neither of us could have predicted it was something so serious#and it's. very serious. i was in hysterical denial at first but#while i do believe theres a chance she'll live. that a miracle will happen#its very likely my mum. my wonderful mum will die#its not the ending she deserves. she deserved to have decades more. to hold her grandchildren#but it may not be#we have no idea how long until. nobody does. could be weeks. could be years. i'll take care of her#and she's on heavy painkillers around the clock so whatever happens? she won't go out suffering#i wasn't looking forward to telling y'all because. i knew it'd make me cry again#but i feel like using tumblr again. so i felt i should say something#i have been open about this to my close friends tho to be clear. i havent been bottled up. but yeah#ahead of time i say: thank you
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guess whose at the library again...
#☆— yapping#i just come here for the mangas then leave#once saw some of my friends here actually studying#anyways found the first ten volumes of mob psycho 100#technically 11 but thought that was too many this time#still have a few at home i haven't read...#but that's fineeee#check out time is pretty long and i'll probably end up reading them this week/weekend#also got two volumes of a bl#a bl disguised as a gl#kinda idk how to describe it#it looks fun so why not read it#ended up checking out 13 things in total#last one wasn't a manga so not important#maybe i should start reading real books again....
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i did something incredible today. i was terse with my flakey cousin over the phone before fully understanding why i was angry with her. i acted on it BEFORE completely processing it. and i withheld information to put her at a disadvantage and benefit myself! i am so proud of myself, this never happens.
#she gave away all her scuppernongs to someone she barely likes then wanted 40% of mine that she wasn't even involved in picking#and showed up last minute so i gave her two quarts#then today i lied and said i had already processed them all into juice for jelly because i thought we were going there today. which i did#but i'm pretty sure the whole time this whole week she's known she was never going back#so she thought i would go do one last pick for the both of us on a day when i was already exhausted and then it'd be over#let me do her dirty work as a favour 'to me'#>:^) that's what she thought#because i am guileless patient sharing and kind#but i am also capable of withholding the truth for my own gain >:^))))#so now i've given away 2 quarts to her and probably 2qts to my grandmother#and now i can put up 5qts of juice for jelly#mwa ha mwaha mwahaha ha ha hahaahaaaa#she's also wanting more persimmons from me but in all honesty. grandma gave her a gallon of the ones from asia. & mine aren't shelf stable.#if she really wants some then she'll have to do the legwork to get them. i'm not making a home delivery#i don't know where she gets off thinking i'm gonna give her a sizeable portion of everything when i can't rely on her for anything#because it is crazy now that i think about it.#i'm doing all these favours for her and she's driving me crazy + doing me no favours + probably gonna let me down on my bday#AND I'M PISSED. :D i am correctly identifying and acting on this emotion of being PISSED OFF. :DDD so happy#adam yaps
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got bitten by a tiny black insect while laying in bed and i am pretty sure it was some kind of ant but if i brought home fucking fleas from the clinic i might actually have to kill myself
#i smushed it before i thought to look closer but i THINK it was an ant#inspected my bed and the cat as best i could but he didn't like me poking at him like some kind of ape. what can i say#i just took a shower but i can't get rid of the feeling that something is crawling on me omg#we didn't have anything with fleas today to my knowledge but last week (? possibly a couple weeks ago) there were two cats with fleas#and i didn't touch them very much and tried to not let them touch my clothes and showered when i got home etc but i wasn't able to wash my#clothes right away because somebody elses stuff was in the washer.........#like i cannot afford flea extermination rn not to mention how mortifying it would be to have to go to my landlord/roommates like#heyyy i know i just moved in like two weeks ago but i brought home fleas from my job where i scrub dog and cat shit all day.........#☠️☠️☠️☠️ am i cursed#me
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once again thinking about the post-canon dynamics on DS9
#star trek: ds9#the strange depression and loneliness-induced friendship that springs up unexpectedly between Julian and Quark#which leads to Julian Quark and Kira becoming a more tight knit trio#Julian and Kira's bond really deepening and them spending a lot more time together#I think it'd be strange for Ezri#she's been there with them all these years but it wasn't HER#sometimes when shes with them she feels like theyre seeing a ghost#I dont think she lasts very long on DS9 and I dont think her and Julian's relationship lasts#she stays for a couple years#but once her and Julian agree to end things she leaves within a couple months#Julian Kira and Quark all bonding more with Kassidy#the three of them taking on different nurturing roles with Jake and helping him out#Kassidy finding herself in this single mother role with Jake but having the village of her friends on DS9 to help#and theyre all behind her and helping her when she gives birth#older brother Jake...#I think Julian leaves sometime after Ezri does#he holds on for a while- mainly for Jake and Kassidy and the baby- before he gets a certain letter from Cardassia#and he stalls for a bit but then he goes to visit Cardassia#and when he comes back after a week its just to gather what he needs to go back for a much more permanent position#assisting with the relief efforts wherever he can#maybe Kassidy and Jake and the baby move to Bajor#to that land Sisko bought#when he comes back- whenever that is- home is ready for him and waiting with open arms#Kira and Quark end up being really tight#still up to their old banter and butting heads but theres a new respect there on both sides#both of them will die before they admit it#but they've stayed awake all night at the bar#sharing a bottle between two glasses and talking about who they miss#Kira's the only one who's ever seen how Quark's eyes light up when he hears Rom or Nog is coming to visit#Ezri comes to visit sometimes
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UGH.
#went on my first real work trip in FOUR YEARS yesterday. had one meeting.#woke up this morning and was getting ready for a day of stuff with another one tomorrow#only to find out that one of the only five other people in the wednesday meeting just tested positive for covid#and another had found out she'd been separately exposed as well#so today turned into doing all my meetings on zoom and rearranging travel plans#and now instead of a professional thing i'd been really looking forward to and then a fun weekend add-on with the fam#i'm flying home late tonight to isolate in our third-floor guest room while boyfriend parents etc.#at least we got credit for his and bébé's last-minute flight cancellations#and we decided to leave the dog with the sitter that had already been arranged to just have one less thing on the collective plate for now#but UGH#and what's extra infuriating is that i am probably fine. i got boosted just a few weeks ago and wasn't like hugging anyone or whatever.#but you just don't know and when there's an actual case it's reason to be actually careful#and i'm just so exhausted and bummed about a lot of things already and had so been looking forward to this whole trip#best laid plans#as they say#anyway cross your fingers for me and the battery of rapid tests i'll be taking this weekend#and in addition to staying negative i'm also very concerned about whether anyone will be comfortable will me at thanksgiving#so that's a whole other thing#UGHHHHHHH#fucking#coronavirus
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my cat's dying and i feel so horrible about it
#he's starving#he was refusing to eat and losing weight and we were finally able to get into the vet today#he has a huge mass near his liver that the xray couldn't tell what it was#could be a tumor could be intestinal obstruction could be adhesions#i feel so horrible because he was only eating when i'd sit next to him and either eat with him or pet him while he was eating#even then only a little but the last couple days he wasn't even doing that#and he's staying overnight at the vet until he gets exploratory surgery thursdau#and i don't want him feeling like he's been abandoned#if he came home between yesterday and thursday he'd die before the surgery#at least there he has an iv#but i know he won't eat there and he's the friendliest neediest cat i've ever had and i don't want him to be alone and there isn't even#anyone there with the cats overnight so he IS alone and i don't want him to die alone#and the vet said even if he makes it to thursday he might die during the surgery because of the weight loss and size of the mass#if it's cancer we have to put him down and it means 4 of our other cats could get cancer#because they're related#if it's an obstruction it's more serious for him but the others are safe#i don't want him to die#he's only 5 and we just had to bury one of our pet sheep this week because she died of old age#at least she had a long life
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How is it already 9 pm abolish the 8 hour work day I'm so serious
#like i'm going kind of crazy bc i did so much last week we did something every day it wasn't like we stayed home and rotted all week#but it still felt like there was so much time in each day??#we never got up too early and there was always time in between things and time in the evening to just relax#so i'm just kinda like#why do i literally have to spend so much of my finite time on earth either in an office or commuting to/from an office#i'm being radicalized
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